#and don't even get me STARTED on episode stills

[harmless-variety-of-garden-snake]

Ed, I real tempted to request Boddie, but many on another day that isn't post-episode. After all all I NEED BuckTommy. Kiss #25 please? (…as a ‘yes’.)

LET THE BODDIE FLOW THROUGH YOUUU but okayyy.

It's been a long couple of months since the last time they were together, and it still stings to think about how they'd jabbed at each other instead of talking like grown-ups. But a lot has happened, and now Tommy is looking at Evan across a semi-crowded bar, and Evan is looking back.

He looks tired, but he's still the most beautiful person Tommy's ever seen. He still looks like everything Tommy is ever going to want, even if he never gets to have it.

Evan says something to Ravi and Hen and hands the pool cue off her, and he picks up his beer and starts walking through the crowd. He nods to a couple of people who greet him but doesn't stop, only looks at them long enough to be polite, and he keeps coming toward Tommy like a heat-seeking missile.

"Hey," Tommy says when Evan's standing next to him at the bar. "How've you been?"

"Okay, been better," Evan says, leaning on his elbow and facing Tommy. Rather than attempt to play casual, Tommy turns to face him. "I'm sorry I didn't call you after. I should've thanked you again for--everything."

Tommy shakes his head and tries to smile, but his mouth feels tight and his eyes burn a little. "Don't worry about it. You don't need to."

"No, but I do," Evan insists. "You showed up, no questions asked. You risked everything. The least I can do is say thank you."

"That's not why I did it," Tommy says, trying to keep his tone gentle. Evan doesn't need his particular brand of bitchiness right now, even if it usually makes him smile.

"I know," Evan says, smiling just a little. "You did it for Chimney."

"And for you," Tommy reminds him, and there's that same shy, sweet smile from the helicopter. "I know that it might not seem like it with how we left things, but if you ever need me, I'll be there."

"I know," Evan says, sure and steady like he actually does know. "I think I kinda messed up. I didn't mean--it came out wrong. I kind of put my foot in my mouth a lot, if you didn't notice."

Tommy smiles a little more and nods. "Yeah, I noticed. And I shut down when things get difficult."

"Yeah," Evan agrees. "We should work on that. Maybe we'd stop sabotaging this, because I think it could be kinda great."

The little ember of hope in Tommy's chest flares into a four alarm blaze. "Yeah?"

In lieu of a reply, a hand cups his cheek and a pair of soft lips press against his. It's not the desperate kiss in the back of an Uber or against a wall, it's a gentle promise and a yes. Tommy's hand curls around Evan's waist, and he wraps an arm around his shoulders to pull him closer and deepen the kiss to something butting up against inappropriate for a public setting surrounded by cops and firefighters.

"I set up my bedframe," Evan says softly when the kiss breaks. "And there's a bottle of champagne in my fridge. If you want to see any of that."

Tommy kisses him, hoping Evan reads his answer loud and clear.

[cherrygirlfriend]

SICK IN BED

warnings: none! fluff originally posted in august 2024

bsf!rafe taking care of sick reader

BEST FRIEND MASTERLIST

you were certain this was the worst you'd ever felt. you should've known it'd happen - of course, taking care of your little sister while she was sick would have some kind of consequences.

the tv in your bedroom was playing old episodes of buffy the vampire slayer, something you always watched when you were hungover or otherwise having a bad day, and apparently now whenever you were sick.

you had no appetite, and your entire body felt like it was on fire while also being ice cold, your trash can filled with used tissues, your second box of them now on your nightstand next to a cup of tea that had gone cold.

a soft knock was on your door, and you sighed, you knew that your sister felt guilty for getting you sick, but you also didn't want her to get sick all over again. "i told you, don't come in!"

but the door still creaked open, and you let out a soft sigh, the heels of your palms now pressing against your eyes. "i told you not to feel guilty that you got me sick, i don't blame you."

"i wasn't aware that i did that."

you furrowed your brows when the voice that came from the door wasn't your little sister's soft, warm voice, but instead a rough, deep voice, one you were intimately familiar with. you didn't even need to take your hands away from your eyes to know who it belonged to.

but once you did, you were confronted with your best friend's tall figure standing at your doorway, a smile on his face and a grocery bag and a bouquet of flowers in hand as he stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. you pulled your blanket up to your nose, aware that you definitely didn't look the best right now, only making the boy chuckle.

"why are you here, rafe?" you asked in a soft voice that was muffled by the blanket, "i texted you to tell you i'm sick."

"i know." rafe said as he slowly walked over to your bed, sitting at the edge of it. "you do know that you don't need to hide, right? i've seen you sick a million times when we were kids." the boy chuckled, slowly pulling the blanket down, revealing your face.

"then why are you here?"

"i'm here to take care of you." he said with a small smile. it was odd, you were sure you hadn't seen rafe act this gentle since you were both children, the boy now pulling things out of the grocery bag. "i brought you some crackers, and some of your favorite snacks. and, chicken noodle soup. your sister said you haven't really been eating."

"rafe, you do know that you could get sick too, right?" you asked as rafe started emptying the contents of the grocery bag, revealing an array of some of your favorite snacks, your eyes widening.

"well, if i do, i expect the same treatment from you."

you narrowed your eyes as you looked at him, "you do know that no funny business is gonna go down, right?" and the blonde simply burst into laughter. "i mean, this isn't exactly an attractive sight."

"just let me take care of you."

and even though you kept trying to tell rafe to leave, that he'd probably get sick if he stayed, but your attempts were futile, and after a while, there was a fresh bouquet of flowers on your nightstand along with a new cup of tea, you had downed the chicken noodle soup, the warmth of it calming down some of the pain in your throat, and you were both now settled in your queen-sized bed, a cold towel on your forehead that rafe had insisted you needed.

"i can't believe you're watching this again." rafe grinned, his arm lazily thrown around your shoulder as he bit into one of the twizzlers he had brought, buffy still playing on tv.

"what do you mean? it's a great show."

"mmhm. and you're sure it has nothing to do with your crush on that emo bleach-blonde vampire?"

you softly smacked rafe's chest before taking the cold towel off your forehead, now having turned lukewarm. "you know, he kind of reminds me of you."

that statement made rafe grin, turning to look at you with lifted brows, "oh, yeah? is that why you have a crush on him?"

you simply rolled your eyes, letting out a small scoff.

rafe hadn't even noticed the moment you had gone slack in his arms, still focused on the tv, only realizing that you were asleep when you let out a small, adorable whine in your sleep. he looked down at your face, so serene and beautiful, it made something in his chest ache. he'd never tell you, but the moments he loved the most were the ones like this. ones when he could just admire you without having to hide it.

he brushed a strand of hair away from your face, tugging it behind your ear before pressing a soft, feather-like kiss on your forehead, looking down at you, an aching feeling stabbing in his chest, one that was more intimate than any of the sexual aching he felt for you. and that was the moment that he really realized he was in trouble.

and in a soft whisper, he said, "i love you." hoping that the girl it was meant for wouldn't be able to hear it.

[noblest-roman-of-them-all]

I feel like nearly once a week I see a post or tags on a post asking if the Sanders Sides fandom is dead and, my brother in fandom, it only seems dead because you're not engaging with the fandom, because almost no one engages with fandom anymore. This is what we mean when we say you need to reblog things and likes mean nothing here. If you like that art, that fic, that one off theory post, reblog it. You don't even have to add on if you don't want to, though, adding on is also important to have discussions and keep things alive, but for the love of fandom, reblog things.

I get it it's hard when there's no brand new, shiney canon to play with, but also I don't get it because I still write snippets of fiction ideas for What's New Scooby-Doo (ended in 2006) and the Star Wars prequels. I didn't write my fic A Song about Lies until several years after that episode was uploaded. I'm actively writing a fic based very loosely on the Poly Jolly Christmas short and I don't even know how long ago that was uploaded, it's not even Sides themed, but my AU is. We all collectively keep fandom alive by sharing and writing and reblogging even if it seems like no one else cares.

I've been thinking about a Captian Planet AU fic and I haven't watched the show since I was four years old, if I wanted to I'm sure I could find a fandom somewhere on Tumblr, but it's going to take work, or worst comes to worst I could just start posting without a fandom and hope people would find me. But the Captain Planet fandom isn't dead, because I'm here, because I still love the show.

Fandom isn't a stand alone entity, it is made entirely of the people who love it. Fandom isn't dead, you're just not engaging in it.

[anonymusbosch]

on wanting to do a million things

prompted by @bloodshack 's

i wanna learn SQL but i wanna learn haskell but i wanna learn statistics but i wanna start a degree in macroeconomics also sociology also library science but i wanna learn norwegian but i wanna learn mandarin but i wanna paint but i wanna do pottery but i wanna get better at woodworking but i wanna get better at cooking but i wanna bake one of those cakes that's just 11 crepes stacked on top of each other but i wanna watch more movies but i wanna listen to more podcast episodes but i need to rest but i need to exercise but i wanna play with my dog but i wanna go shopping but i need to go grocery shopping but i need to do the dishes but i need to do laundry but i need to buy a new x y and z but i need to save money but i wanna give all my money away to people who need it more but i wanna pivot my career to book editing but to do that i have to read more and i wanna read more nonfiction but i wanna read more novels but i wanna get better at meditating but i wanna volunteer but i wanna plan a party but i wanna go to law school. but what im gonna do is watch a dumbass youtube video and go to bed

I think I've been doing slightly better this year about Actually Doing Things. not great! but I do a lot and I've been "prototyping" ways to get closer to doing as much as is possible. and if I actually talk about it it's a bunch of very obvious statements but I'll try to make them a little more concrete

rule number one: experiment on yourself

there's no one approach that's right for everyone and there's not even one approach for me that works at all times. try things out. see what works. pay attention to what doesn't. try something else.

rule number two: ask what's stopping you and then take it seriously

example: I often want to do Everything in the evening at like 2 PM, but then get home and am tempted sorely by the couch, and then get stuck inertia'd and not doing much but being tired and kind of bored. why?

if I don't have plans, it's easy to leave work later than planned and hard to make myself do something by a specific time

i'm generally tiredish after work. 4 out of 5 times, that'll go away if I actually start Doing Something, but 1 out of 5 it's real and I will go hardcore sleepmode at 8 PM and just be Done

i use up a ton of my program management/executive function/Deciding Things brain at work and usually find it noticeably harder to string together "want to do Thing > make list of Things > decide on a Thing > do Thing" after I'm home. Even if I have a list of Things to Do, how does one decide! how does one start! and god forbid there's a Necessary thing. then it's all downhill

therefore, mitigations: have concrete time-specific plans in advance.

if I have an art class at 6:00 PM I need to leave work by 5:15 and NO LATER and I can't get sucked into "oh 10 more minutes to finish this" *one hour later*

that also means I have to have a fridge or freezer dinner ready and can't spend 45 minutes cooking "fuck it, what the hell did I put in the fridge, why don't we have soy sauce" evil meal that is not good

plans with friends: dinner! art night! music night! repair-your-clothes night! seeing a show! occasionally, Accountability Time where a friend comes over for We Are Doing Tasks with tea and snacks etc.

for some reason I'm way better about Actually Doing Things when the plan exists already. magically I overcome couch inertia even though I am the same amount of tired! and while I never learn the ability to decouch without plans I at least learn to make them

still working on:

a "prototype" for maybe next month is a weeklyish Study Session for a thing I want to learn about. I want to somehow make it employer-proof (I am accountable to some entity to being at place X at time Y) and haven't figured out a good way. Maybe I can leverage that the local library is open til 8 on wednesdays and somehow make it a Thing? maybe I'll try it!

oh god oh fuck the thing about plans is that if you want to have them you need to make them. christ. a lot of the time I can cover this with some combo of weekend planning + recurring events (things like weekly friend dinner/weekly class) + having cool friends who reach out proactively but it still requires active planning and it can fall thru the cracks

rule three: cool friends

they can take you to things

they can remind you that you can do whatever the fuck you please

i have a friend who is somehow Always doing cool classes and learning shit. and this reminds me that I can ... do that. and sometimes I do

you can take them to things!!

rule four: try to kill the anon hate in your head

obv this depends on your circumstance but sometimes it's worth it to me to look at constraints that "feel real" and check whether they're an active choice I made thoughtfully or, like, the specters of people I don't know judging my choices

time and money are obvious ones. recently was gently nudged towards looking at whether i could give myself more time to Do Things by cooking less. imaginary specters of judgmental twitterites: "it's illegal to spend money. if you get takeout you're the first up against the wall when the revoution comes. make all your lunches and dinners and hoard the money for Later. for Something. how dare you get lunch at the store. you bourgeois hoe. taking charity donations from the mouths of the poor cause you don't have your life together enough to cook artisanal bespoke dinners every night. fuck you." and obviously eating takeout 24/7 is not the answer, but realizing I was not making an active choice helped me try making the active choice instead. "how much do I actually want to balance cost, time, tastiness, and wastefulness of my food, given my amount of free time and my salary and the tradeoff against doing something else? can I approach it differently to do more quick cheap food + some takeout?" -> current prototype: substitute in 1 takeout dinner or restaurant-with-friends a week, 1 frozen type dinner, and then batch cook or sandwiches lunches w/ "permission" to get fast lunch at the store. we'll see how it goes!

i am really really bad at this and find it helpful to talk to other people who can help point out when I'm being haunted by ghosts about it.

rule five: what would it take? what's the next step?

this one i give a lot of credit to @adiantum-sporophyte in particular for, especially for prompting me with questions when I muse about the million-ideal-lives on car rides. what would it look like to do xyz? what's something I could do right now to move in that direction? what's the obstacle? like, actually ask the question and think through it. with a person talking to you! damn! maybe the obstacle to x is that I don't know if I'll like it or if I just like the idea of it. and I don't want to commit to x without knowing. Okay, so maybe an approach would be to find someone who does x and talk to them about how their life is, or maybe it's "spend 15 minutes looking up intro-to-x near me", or "actively schedule 1 instance of x", or something like that. Or maybe it's that I don't know what it takes to do x. Okay, how about on Tues after dinner Adiantum fixes a sweater at my apartment while I spend 20 min looking at prereqs for x. like, it's so basic to say "to do a thing, you could try figuring out how to do it" but I think the important thing here is the feedback/prompting to even recognize "hey, step back, if you don't know the next step then figuring out the next step is the next step"

rule six: habits

prototyping: exercise

I do a lot better when I exercise in the mornings. I do a lot better when I do PT exercises regularly. For a while I was doing PT with friend in the morning every morning before work (accountability! a friendly face to make it more pleasant!) but that didn't really solve - it's not the kind of exercise that makes me feel awake/active, it's like dumb little foot botherings. but: having the habit of morning exercise made it easier to swap out 2 of the 5 days for more intense exercise, and then to swap those 2 for a different more intense exercise when I needed a break. it's easier to build a low-effort version of the habit and then work in the higher-effort one than to just Decide to be the kind of person who gets up at ass o clock to do cardio or whatever

rule seven: set up the structure of your life to make it easy

this is also a "duh" thing but like. on so many levels it comes down to structure your life to make the choice more doable. this can be something like "i structure my life to make vegetarian cooking baseline and vegan cooking the majority by stocking the pantry with staples and spices from cuisines that work well that way" or "i chose an apartment that lets me commute by bike" or "i have my camping gear put away in a fashion that makes it easier to gather frequently and lowers the barrier to trips" or "i keep physical books around to prompt myself to read xyz" to "i don't use instagram or twitter or snapchat or facebook" to . idk.

and in terms of charitable giving: similar deal. I have an explicit budget at the beginning of the year (~10% of my before-tax income), I know in advance what charities I give to, and I know what timing I will use (basically, alerts for donation matching around specific fundraising times). Anything outside the Plan comes from my discretionary budget/fun money. That makes it less of a mental load (the choice is already made; I don't grapple with every donation request or every bleeding-heart trap because I have a very solid anchor on "I give to xyz, the money's set aside") and it's armor against impulsive-but-not-useful scrupulosity. I structure the rest of my spending/life to prioritize a set amount and it makes it easier to follow through

rule eight: if you can do it at work a tiny bit that counts for real life

(infrequently used)

"hi mr. manager I think it would be great if I could use enough SQL to make basic queries in the database so we don't have to go through the software team for common/basic questions. I'd like to take 1 hr on Friday to go through some basic tutorials and then 1 hr with Pat on Monday so he can walk me through an intro for our specific use case. I estimate this will help save the team a couple hours a week of waiting for answers from the other team." and then you have enough of a handle with baby's first SQL that you can add little bits and bobs as you exercise it. this is responsible for a medium amount of my knowledge of python and all 3 brain cells worth of SQL.

rule nine: life is an optimization problem

not in, like, "you need to optimize your skincare and career and exercise and social life and have everything all at once" that's not what optimization means. optimization is like, maximize something with respect to a set of constraints. i explicitly Do Not do skincare beyond "wash face" and "sunscreen" bc I want to optimize my life for like looking at weird plants in the mountains. explicitly choosing to put time and money elsewhere! can't have it all all at once. so fuck them pores. who give a shit. yeah i ate a lot of protein shakes instead of home cooked breakfasts this week bc i was prioritizing morning exercise. im looking at this beautiful bug and it doesn't know what fashion is or what my resume looks like. im holding a lizard. im not spending time on picking cool clothes or whatever bc i spent that time looking up lizard hotspots on purpose.

that's really long and probably mostly, like, not surprising? but i keep benefiting from ppl being like "hey have you considered Obvious Thing" framed very gently

[astraljedi]

No grave can hold my body down (Tommy Miller)

Request: Can you write reader trying to find a way to tell Tommy she's pregnant but tragedy keeps happening. It could follow episode 2 from the latest season. Thank you in advance!

Pairing: Tommy Miller x Reader

Warnings: Spoilers for TLOU, Violence, descriptions of blood loss, wounded characters, death of a parent/love one, grief, heavy themes of loss. NSFW. 18+, scenes contain sexual themes, P in V, minor dirty talk, using sex as a release

Word Count: 6k+

Song: Work Song by Hozier

a/n: Request are open if you want to send something in! This is a continuation of "Safe and Sound" but you don't technically need to read it together. Enjoy!

- No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

My eyes flutter open to the sound of shuffling and a belt buckle clinking so early in the morning. I stretch my body, squinting from the bathroom light spilling across the room. It’s still dark outside, not fully morning yet—Frederick hasn't even started singing.

“Tommy?” I squeak, still stretching my limbs against the cold comforter.

“Mornin’. Sorry, baby, the council’s getting together.” Tommy sits on the edge of the bed, on my side, and presses a kiss to my temple. I reach for his hand, watching how the silver wedding band glints under the bathroom light. We've been married a couple of years now, but every time I see that ring, it still makes my stomach flutter. “Something happened on patrol, but I’ll try and find you later. Okay?”

“Will it take long? I wanted to talk to you about something,” I say, thinking of the sealed, untouched pregnancy test hidden in my bag. I want to take it with him, not by myself.

“I don’t know, but can it wait ‘til later? I really gotta go.” He leans down, gives me a quick kiss on the lips. “Try and sleep for a while. I’ll let the chickens out before I leave.”

I sink back into bed, watching him pull on his jacket and disappear out the door. But I don’t fall back asleep—the small bit of rest still left in me is gone. I wait until I hear the front door shut before I get up and pull the pregnancy test from my bag, heading for the bathroom.

The past week has been terrible. At first, I thought I’d caught some awful stomach bug—vomiting day and night, no appetite, and the heartburn felt like it was eating me alive. 

Tommy stayed most nights with me, rubbing my back, bringing me warm soup, doing whatever he could to help me keep something down.

Even Maria had stopped by a few times, but right before New Year's, she handed me a sealed pregnancy test while Tommy was out. “This is sacred,” she said. “Had to pull a few favors, but just to be sure.”

Since Tommy’s Maria’s right hand, we’ve gotten close over the years, ever since I joined the community. “It never crossed my mind,” I admitted, taking the box with shaky hands. It wasn’t like we’d done anything to prevent it... but the idea of bringing a kid into a world full of infected has always haunted me.

Now, I’m leaning against the bathroom sink while the test sits on the counter, face down and terrified of the results. Three minutes have never felt this long. I pick it up and turn it over—two clear lines stare back at me.

“Shit.” I throw the test into the sink and scramble to the toilet, my stomach lurching as I throw up everything inside me. Even after a shower and brushing my teeth, my eyes keep returning to the test. 

I grab it, shove it back into its box, and cram it into the drawer Tommy keeps saying he’ll fix but never does. It takes a minute to get it open, and once it does, I toss the box inside and slam the drawer shut with all the strength I have. If only I could the same with the storm of thoughts brewing in my head. 

True to his word, Tommy let the chickens out and fed them. I stand at the window, watching them peck the ground, the early sun beginning to stretch across the yard. I open the fridge, but even the thought of eggs makes me gag. I settle for bread with a little butter and some tea, since even plain water seems to set me off.

Before the school year starts, I’d already planned to head to town for some trades. I pack my bag with two cartons of eggs and a few bars of my homemade lavender soap, hoping to exchange them for a couple of new bound notebooks for my lesson planning, and maybe any other supplies I can scrounge up.

Town is busier than usual—barrels being rolled through the street, trucks getting loaded, and people moving fast. Had to be a drill, probably connected to why Tommy left so early. I rush to get my trades done, even managing to grab a flannel and a jacket for Tommy in exchange for offering the seller’s kids free haircuts through the first half of the year.

I catch a glimpse of Tommy near the gates talking with a group and watch as he sends them off. It’s like he feels me watching—he turns around and spots me.

“Hey, what’s going on?” I ask once he’s pulled me into his arms.

“We’ve placed the town on high alert. Might be nothing, but two patrol members found a group of thirty infected using their own dead to hide,” he sighs, eyes scanning the street. I reach up to tuck a loose curl behind his ear.

“Are they okay?” I ask.

“Yeah. They sprinted back to warn us, and we sent out a squad to clear the infected. We just don’t know if there are more, so we’re preparing—making sure everyone’s up to date with protocols.” He nods toward my bag. “Shopping?”

“Just getting a few things before school starts. Got you a jacket too—for when it starts warming up a little.” I show him a peek of the fabric and he smiles. “Do you think you can come home early today? If nothing big happens—I really need to do something with you.”

“I’ll try. Depends on how this all plays out.” He gestures toward the town, and I nod. I understand. Tommy would do anything to keep Jackson safe.

He presses his lips to mine, but we break apart at the sound of bells ringing above the wall.

“Raiders or infected?” Maria asks, suddenly beside us.

“Infected!” someone shouts back. “Five minutes out!”

“Follow the plan. I’ll take the roof, you take Main Street,” Maria says to Tommy.

“Go to the shelter. Now,” Tommy orders. I grab his hand and pull him in for a quick kiss. When we break apart, we nod to each other—a silent promise to stay alive.

I run to the nearest store where people are already being ushered into the basement for shelter.

That’s when I hear a cry from my right. I turn and see Billie—a little boy I had in my class last year—standing alone, crying for his mom. I rush to him and grab his hand. I search for Franny, his mother, but she’s nowhere in sight.

“Hey Billie, we need to hide now, but I promise we’ll find your mom after, okay?”

He nods, still crying, but lets me lead him down into the basement. I find a spot near the back and sit on the floor, pulling Billie into my lap and holding him close.

“We have to be brave, Billie. Okay?”

He nods, curling into my chest. “Are the monsters gonna find us?”

“No. The town will protect us. And Mr. Miller is out there and you can trust him to keep everyone safe.” I squeeze him tighter.

The chaos outside is impossible to ignore—gunfire, shrieking, explosions. Billie cries into me, but I don’t let him go.

“It’s okay, buddy. We’re safe,” I whisper, though even my own heart feels like it’s about to pound out of my chest.

Each crack of glass, each thud or scream from upstairs makes me flinch. The infected have breached the town. Billie covers his ears with his hands, and I close my eyes, trembling every time the gunshots fire again and again.

Please be okay, I think. Please let Tommy be okay.

It takes hours—maybe more than two—for everything to settle, though the gunfire still rings out now and then, putting down those who got bitten. We’re still locked in the reinforced basement, but I’m growing impatient. 

When they finally give the all-clear, the sky is beginning to set, thick with smoke. Fires burn in every corner, cremating the infected. The smell is awful. I pull Billie close, shielding his eyes from the sight.

“Billie!” a voice cries out—and there’s Franny, running toward us. Billie slips out of my arms and sprints to her, hugging her tight. Relief hits me like a wave, and I fight back tears.

“I was with Mrs. Miller! She kept me safe and told me I was being brave,” Billie tells her, pointing at me.

“Thank you,” Franny says, pulling me into a grateful hug.

“Have you seen Tommy?” I ask, but she shakes her head.

“I’m sorry.” She gives my arm a squeeze before heading off to find her husband.

I swallow the lump in my throat, forcing down the wave of nausea rising up again. My eyes scan the crowd, avoiding the bodies. I start to feel dizzy, overwhelmed by every face passing by—until I spot him.

Blood’s dripping down from a cut on his head, but he’s standing. He’s alive.

I don’t think—I just run. He turns at the last second, just as I reach him, throwing my arms around his neck.

“You’re okay,” I whisper, the only thing I could say, again and again. 

He melts into me, his knees buckling and I let him lean all his weight into my arms. His face buries into my neck, and finally, I feel him exhale.

“I got you,” I whisper, and I don't let go.

The nightmare doesn’t stop.

The day had faded into complete darkness, fire overtaking the town at every corner. 

“I’m worried about Joel, darlin’,” Tommy winces as the wet cloth meets his broken skin. “He was on patrol with Dina, and they weren’t answering their radios.”

“The storm’s been the worst we’ve seen. They probably found somewhere to stake it out,” I try to make sense of it.

“I don’t know. I have this feeling that something’s wrong, and it hasn’t settled down yet,” he says. I grab his hands and press a kiss to his rough knuckles. One moment I’m cleaning Tommy’s head, and then Maria comes rushing in.

“Tommy—” Maria rushes into the hall, and I don’t like the look on her face. My stomach drops, like it already knows.

Tommy stands up instantly, and with the look on Maria’s face, he already knows too. “No.”

“It’s Joel,” Maria says, eyes shifting from me to Tommy. 

Tommy’s face is emotionless, his hands in fist by his side. His fear, his gut was trying to tell him and I tried to push it away. 

“I’m sorry, Tommy.”

Tommy doesn’t say a word. He lets go of my hand and rushes to the door.

“Tommy.” I go after him, but he stops me, grabbing my arms.

“I need to be alone. I need to do this myself.” His face is emotionless, but he leaves a kiss on my temple. I watch him disappear through the crowd and rub the spot on my chest where my heart is. This can’t be happening.

“Where’s Ellie?” I ask Maria. “Does she know?”

“She was there.” Maria’s voice doesn’t break, but I can feel the walls cracking. “She’s at the hospital.”

I don’t know what comes over me, but I rush toward the hospital. 

God, Ellie.

The long night fades to the next day, I’m still by Ellie’s side, reading a book while she’s still out on tranquilizers.

“Hey.” I turn my head toward the door and spot Maria leaning against the frame. “How is she doing?”

I close my book and stand from the uncomfortable chair. “Still out,” I say, standing by her. “I went to see Dina, trying to make sense of what happened, but she said she doesn’t remember.” My hands rest on my stomach and I lean back against the doorframe. My eyes are tired, my stomach growling angrily at me, but I haven’t had the chance—or appetite—to eat.

“Did you see a doctor?” Nothing passes Maria. She points at my hand resting on my non-existent bump. Ever since finding out, my hands keep drifting there. “Does Tommy know?” she whispers.

I drop my hand from my stomach and look back at Ellie. “I don’t think an unplanned pregnancy is the first thing I should tell my grieving husband right now. I haven’t even seen him since last night.”

“At least get checked out by someone, just in case.” She rests her hand on my arm.

“I’m fine, I promise, Maria. All I did was hide. You’re the badass on the roof shooting down infected,” I say, trying to lighten the mood.

“I heard you protected Billie. He can’t stop talking about how Mrs. Miller told him he was the bravest of them all.” Maria smiles a little. “You should go home. Ellie isn’t going anywhere, and the doctors have her.”

I look at Ellie, peacefully sleeping on the bed, and I ache for her. Once she wakes up, it’s going to feel like she never left that nightmare. It’s been years, and the look on my daddy’s face—his cold, lifeless body—still burns in my brain.

“You need to rest too. And your husband needs you right now,” Maria adds, but I’m still looking at Ellie.

But Maria’s right.

After she leaves—off to check on Dina—I press a kiss to Ellie’s temple and leave the hospital. I pull my jacket tighter to my body as I walk home. It's a bit farther than the hospital, but it feels longer than usual. 

God, I need a shower. I need food I won’t throw up immediately.

I unlock the wooden front door and shiver from the awful weather outside. I shrug off my jacket, about to turn on the fireplace, but the house is already warm—fire crackling in the living room.

My eyes shift to the kitchen and spot Tommy leaning against the sink, watching the chickens through the window. He didn’t hear me. Doesn’t notice I’m home.

“My love,” my voice is soft but clear, but he doesn’t move a muscle. I take slow steps toward him and rest my hand on his lower back. He flinches—my touch pulling him out of his thoughts. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” I say gently.

He doesn’t speak. He shakes his head and pulls me into his arms. His nose brushes my hair, and his hands tremble against my skin. What I would do to take his pain away—for him not to feel this grief, this life without his brother.

He just had him back, this wasn’t fair. 

We stay like that for a long time, holding onto each other in the aftermath of the nightmare. But only one of us lost a brother.

The town will rebuild, but Joel’s absence will haunt us. And the only two people who were there for his murder? One is out cold, and the other doesn’t remember anything.

“Let’s take a shower, yeah?” I mumble, pulling away a little and guiding him upstairs.

I unbuckle Tommy’s belt, remove his shirt, then help him out of the rest of his clothes. I strip down and turn the water on. He steps in first but then pulls me in under the lukewarm spray.

He crashes his lips against mine, desperate. He pushes me against the cold shower tiles, hands grabbing mine and pinning them above my head. I groan as his teeth bite into my lower lip, then move to my jaw.

He holds my wrists with one hand, the other trailing down my side to my core. My breath catches when he spreads my legs with his knee, fingers circling my clit. I gasp when he plunges two fingers inside me. My hands fight his grip—god, I need to touch him. My head spins from all the sensation. His lips, his tongue meeting mine, the hand holding my wrist up as the other thrust in and out me. 

His lips find my hard nipple and he sucks, his tongue swirling, making my back arch. “Tommy.” I warn him, hips meeting each of his thrusts.

I know Tommy. He craves control—needs it after everything. He needs order, for things to go exactly how he wants. And when they don’t... he has me at his mercy.

He releases my wrists and kneels, tongue landing on my aching clit, sucking as his fingers keep moving in and out of me. I cry out, hands tangling in his now-wet curls. My mouth hangs open as my climax crashes through me—but he doesn’t stop. His groan rumbles through me and I cry out, his tongue sucking my release. 

“Tommy,” I beg, overstimulated and dizzy. He pulls back and stands. He grabs my waist, turning me around, my hard nipples pressed against the cold tile as he grinds his cock against my back. I reach back for him, but he grabs my hands again, pinning them over my head.

“Don’t you dare move them,” he growls, biting my shoulder. I moan, and then he plunges into me—no warning, no time to adjust. I press my forehead to the tile and let him take me. However he needs. He lets go of my wrists and grips my waist, pulling me back into every thrust.

I don’t care if I wake up tomorrow with bruises shaped like his fingers. I’ll always let him use me—to feel and release his anger.

My walls tighten around him—he’s close, right on the edge. His hand slides down and rubs my clit, fast, needing me to come with him.

“You’re gonna take all my cum, right darlin’?” he groans, his thrusts turning sloppy. I turn my head and meet his mouth, tasting myself on his tongue. I shatter around him, eyes shut, forcing myself to keep my hands where he told me. Tommy buries his face in my shoulder and comes right after me, my orgasm triggering his own. My walls clench around him, juicing his cock as he chest falls on my back. 

He doesn’t move. We stay under the water, catching our breaths. He stays inside me for a while. And If I weren’t already pregnant, this would’ve done it.

I wince when he finally pulls out. I turn and kiss him—soft this time. Gentler.

“Let’s clean you up,” I say, grabbing the cloth. I lather the lavender soap and run it slowly over his skin. My legs wobble, but his hands steady me at the waist.

He stands still, eyes closed, letting me care for him. Then he switches, does the same for me—gently washing down my shoulders, my stomach between my thighs. I sigh, still sensitive.

After the shower, I help him into sweatpants and tuck him into bed. I kiss his cheek and lay on his chest, listening to his heartbeat drum beneath me.

I’m nearly asleep when I hear his soft sniffles. I look up and see his face wet with tears. My heart shatters.

I cup his cheek, wiping them away with my thumb. He pulls me on top of him and wraps his arms around me.

I don’t say anything. I just let him feel—feel the sadness, the anger, the grief.

Years ago, when he helped me move to Jackson after my dad died, we lay in this exact bed. He held me all night while I cried. Never let go. And now… it’s my turn to do the same. To let Tommy grieve in the same bed I once did. To guide him through the darkness, like he once guided me.

For now, the pregnancy test, this secret will stay hidden in that broken drawer.

Right now, Tommy needs me more than anything.

Three weeks have passed since New Year’s. Three weeks since the whole town was struck with tragedy. The hole Joel’s absence leaves behind is still so fresh—the front of his house overflowing with flowers from the people of Jackson.

Tommy isn’t doing any better. Grief doesn’t have a cure, and it never makes sense. Sadness lingers, always. But right now, he needs a distraction—and rebuilding the town has become that for him.

The test is still hidden in the drawer, but Maria keeps asking. I know she’s only looking out for me, making sure I’m okay, making sure this pregnancy is safe. But how do you tell a grieving husband you’re pregnant when his brother’s body was just laid to rest?

It’s eating me alive. But I have to wait—just a little longer. Tommy barely spends any time in the house these days. He leaves before the sun even rises and comes home late, slipping into bed after I’m already asleep.

But today… today he catches me off guard. I turn around and Tommy’s still in bed, just watching me.

“What?” I ask, giving him a weird look.

He doesn’t answer. He just leans over and starts kissing my neck. I sigh under his touch, letting him pull the oversized shirt from my body. His lips crash down on my nipples, and I wince—sharply, like I’ve been hurt. Tommy pulls back fast, eyes wide.

“Did I hurt you?” he asks, confused.

I yank the covers up over my chest and sit up. “No, my period’s supposed to be here soon.” I cringe inside. I hate lying. And I know he doesn’t fully believe me, but he lets it go. Whatever mood he was in, it fades fast.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“No, it’s okay, baby,” he murmurs, getting out of bed. He adjusts his boner, trying to play it cool, and disappears into the bathroom. A second later, I hear the shower turn on. I lie back on my pillow, eyes drifting to the ceiling, waiting for my heart to calm down.

In the kitchen, he’s cooking eggs for himself, and I’m trying my best not to gag from the smell. I hide my face behind my coffee cup, fighting the wave of nausea crawling up my throat.

“You sure you don’t want some eggs with your toast?” he asks, pointing to the sad little plate sitting untouched in front of me.

“No. I’m not really that hungry this morning.” Another lie. I’m starving. I’ve been craving pie from the restaurant since last night, and the second Tommy leaves, I’m marching straight to Main Street to get it.

“Have you seen Ellie?” I ask, needing to change the subject.

“Yeah. I went to visit her yesterday. Dina’s getting released today—she’s feeling better, but she still doesn’t remember anything.”

Tommy’s hoping Dina might remember who was behind what happened to Joel—the people who took his brother away from him.

“If she does remember something, it might take a while,” I say gently. “We don’t know what kind of trauma she went through.”

“It’s not fair. I should’ve been there.” He scrapes the eggs off the pan and piles them onto his plate like he’s mad at them. I look away, focusing on my toast, breathing slowly through my nose, trying not to throw up.

“I get it. But you were here, protecting the town. If something had happened here while you were gone, you’d be carrying that guilt too.” I’ve listened to him, let him rant for weeks. But sometimes, he needs someone to ground him.

“I know you’re right,” he mutters, placing his empty plate in the sink—just a little too hard. “But it still makes me angry.”

“And it should. None of this is fair—especially when someone does something this evil. But we can still do what Joel would’ve wanted. We keep this town together.” I stand up, walk to him, and wrap my arms around his waist, resting my forehead against his back. His hands find mine, and he holds them there.

“I hate it when you make sense,” he chuckles. “But I love you. I’m sorry I haven’t been around that much. I know you loved him too.”

“I miss him. And I miss him storming in here, yelling about how Frederick would peck his damn feet in the yard.” I laugh, the memories of him bursting through the door, cursing at that rooster, rushing back all at once.

“He hated that rooster,” Tommy says through a laugh, and then we just stand there, quiet and still.

After breakfast, he heads out for a long day of work, and I head into town—on a mission to get my damn pie. Thankfully, school doesn’t start for another week, and I’m praying that by then, my symptoms will ease up. The idea of being surrounded by kids while trying not to puke at every smell? Not ideal.

At the restaurant, Maria slides in beside me in line. I feel awful. I’ve been avoiding her. I know she’s right—I do need to tell Tommy. I won’t be able to hide this much longer, but every time I try, the words get stuck.

And it’s not that I don’t think he’ll be thrilled—I see the way his eyes sparkle whenever I hold someone else’s baby or one of my students runs up to me in the street. Tommy Miller will make an excellent father. My fear is… is this too much too soon?

“Can you wait until after I eat my pie to ambush me?” I groan. “I’ve been craving this since last night.”

She laughs. “I remember those days.” She nudges my shoulder as we step up to the counter.

“Hi Franny! How are you today?” I ask, leaning against the counter.

“I’m good, hon. What can I get for you two dolls?”

“Can I get two pieces of pie? To go, please—I’m going to see Ellie after this.” My eyes are already sparkling with excitement.

“Doll, I think we’re outta pie,” Franny says with a frown.

Maria glances at me, and the tears well up instantly. “Oh no.” I don’t mean to cry, but the sadness rushes over me and I can’t hold it back.

“Can you check in the back, Franny?” Maria jumps in. “She’s been wanting to bring that pie to Ellie, you know… after everything.”

Franny raises a brow but nods. “Lemme double-check.” She disappears into the back.

“Honey, please don’t cry,” Maria says gently, rubbing her hands up and down my arms.

“God, I’m sorry,” I mumble, wiping my face.

“No need to be sorry. It’s just the hormones,” she whispers.

Just then, Franny comes back holding two to-go boxes.

“You’re one lucky gal. Marvin just pulled these out of the oven. Still warm—for you and Ellie.” She places them in a paper bag.

“You’re a lifesaver, Franny.” I grab the bag like it’s gold.

Maria snorts as we step outside. “That was a dramatic thank-you.”

“Please stop. I’ve been craving this and my stomach can’t take one more piece of toast and butter.” It’s already growling from the scent of pie through the paper.

“You can’t keep this up. You need to tell him,” Maria says quietly. “Franny has three kids—she’s gonna figure it out. So will the rest of the town. He deserves to know before the rumors start and that bump pops out.”

“I’ve tried,” I groan. “And then he starts talking about Joel or he’s stressed with work and the moment’s gone again.”

“There’s never gonna be a perfect time. But think of the baby. You need to get checked. What if something goes wrong? He’ll lose you both.”

That stings. My throat tightens, my chest aches.

“Maria, I love you, but right now… your words are hurting more than helping.” We stop outside the hospital, but I don’t move yet. “I know you’re worried. But I need you to be my friend right now—not the head of the council.”

I slip my arm out of hers and walk away, leaving her standing there by the entrance.

When I step into Ellie’s room after a quick knock, she scrambles up from doing push-ups beside the bed and I pretend I didn’t see it. She’s a fighter, doing what she knows best—surviving.

“I brought you some pie.” I hand her the container and plastic fork. “It’s our secret.” I grin, probably a little too happy about pie.

“You’re the best. The food here is awful.” She fake-gags and I laugh. From the times I’ve visited, her food’s mostly stayed untouched. Even after the end of the world, hospital food still sucks.

I don’t plan to stay until evening, but I can’t bring myself to leave. She’s reading one of the astronomy books I brought, and I curl up on the edge of her bed with my own. The sun’s setting when I finally stand to go.

I kiss the top of her head. “I’ll try to find more books, okay?”

She nods, and I wish I could stay. But my body’s already screaming at me. My lower back aches and I still have to walk home.

Snow crunches under my boots as I walk up to the house. The lights are on, the living room glowing from the fireplace. Tommy’s home.

“Hey, baby,” I say, kicking off my boots and jacket once I’m inside, away from the awful chill. Tommy’s on the couch, his back to me, but he doesn’t answer.

I walk around to face him, a knot of worry forming—and then I freeze.

He’s staring at me, a glass of amber liquid in his hand. His eyes drift to the coffee table and my stomach drops.

Right in the center of the table is the opened pregnancy test box. The plastic stick resting on top.

“You know I peed on that, right?” I whisper. He doesn’t say a word. Just keeps staring at the test that’s been haunting me for weeks.

“Tommy.” I beg him. Beg him to move, speak, scream—anything.

“I came home early to see my wife. I couldn’t find her, so I decided to fix the damn drawer in the bathroom she’s been asking about for months.” He pauses, finishes his drink. “I fixed it, by the way. After I found the box.”

“Please—let me explain,” I say, dropping to my knees in front of him. He chuckles, bitter, in disbelief, still not meeting my eyes.

“The vomiting. Not wanting to eat. Your breasts are huge, I caught myself staring at them more than usual and I know your body—it’s engraved in my brain. It all clicked. But the first thing I thought was that my wife wouldn’t keep something like this from me.”

The hurt in his voice shatters me and the tears start to fall down my cheeks.

“How long have you known?” he asks, rubbing a hand down his face.

“Since New Year’s,” I cry, but his face softens. He reaches for my elbows and pulls me into his lap.

“I wanted to take that test with you. That morning. But then you got called in and I… how was I supposed to tell you after everything?”

“You felt like you couldn’t tell me.” He cups my face, makes me look at him. “You’re my wife. This is our marriage. I deserved to know.”

I nod at his words, knowing he was right. “It’s been eating me alive,” I admit.

“Jesus, darlin’,” he sighs. “It’s been weeks. The stress you’ve been under—ain’t good for you or the baby.”

“I know. And I’m really sorry.”

His eyes meet mine—no anger left, just relief, and something warm. A look I haven’t seen in a while. 

“We’re going to be parents,” he says, pressing his forehead to mine. I grab his hand and place it on my stomach, and he smiles.

“I can’t wait to see you wobbling around the house with a bump. It’s going to drive me insane.”

I laugh and press a kiss to the tip of his nose. “All I want is to stop gagging and vomiting at everything.”

Two Months Later

Spring in Jackson is like seeing a different town. The snow’s melted, and animals are out and lively again—chattering, foraging, like they know things are safer now. Flowers start peeking through the soil, soft greens come back to the trees, and it feels like the whole place is exhaling after holding its breath all winter. The energy just shifts.

The mornings still carry that sharp bite, but once the sun settles in, it’s warm enough to finally pull out my comfy, soft midi dress tucked away in the closet for months. I pair it with a light jean jacket to block the wind and my usual boots. The dress flows when I walk, brushing against my legs, but it still clings just enough to show the small, growing bump I keep catching myself running my hand over.

“My littles!” I clap my hands, voice lifting to catch the attention of the little ones gathered by the fence. It keeps them in until the end of the school day, but now it’s time to let them go for the day and meet back with their parents. “Remember to bring flowers and leaves for tomorrow’s activity! And no pulling random flowers without asking an adult first,” I add, giving them a knowing look as I unhook the gate.

They burst out, squealing and shouting as they run to their parents, backpacks bouncing behind them. “See you tomorrow!” I call after them, waving at a few parents too as they exchange glances and little grins over whatever their kids are chattering about.

I stay a moment longer, watching them scatter. There’s something so healing in seeing their joy like that. They are safe within these walls and untouched by the reality of what happens outside those walls. I rest my hand gently on my bump and let the wind brush over me, letting my body relax.

Too caught up in the quiet and in the sun on my face, I jump when strong, calloused hands wrap around my waist—one landing on the swell of my bump, the other tugging me gently back into a chest I know—I gasp and let out a small squeal.

“Tommy,” I giggle, breathless as his lips press to my cheek. “What are you doing?”

“I managed to slip away for the day,” he says, already leaning down to scoop my bag from the ground. “Got something to show you.”

Since we found out, he’s been so careful. Not overbearing, not in a way that suffocates—but in this soft, sweet way that makes me feel loved and cared for. And he always finds a way to rest his hand on my belly, like he’s afraid it will all slip away.

“Is it my flower garden?” I ask, trying not to smile too big.

“Um, no,” he grins, “but I’ll get to it. I promise.” He takes my hand, my bag swinging from the other, and we walk together in the welcoming warm spring weather offers us. “But I know you’re gonna love this too.”

When we reach the house, he drops the bag gently on the porch—but we don’t go inside. Instead, he leads me around back, toward the shed behind the house where he keeps his tools, his projects. I already know the smell of wood shavings and sawdust will hit the second the door creaks open. But he stops me just short, stepping behind me and covering my eyes.

“Have you been hiding a secret from me?” I tease, cheeks starting to ache from smiling too much. 

“I have,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. “But don’t worry. It’s a secret that was worth keeping.”

He guides me carefully, slow steps across the floor of the shed. When we stop, his hands slip away from my face. My eyes blink in the shift from dark to light, and then I see it.

A crib.

A wooden crib standing in the middle of the room. 

it’s not brand new—it's the bones of something old, something salvaged. He’s refinished it, though—rounded the corners, replaced the railings, sanded it down until the wood is soft beneath my fingertips. I move closer, hands trembling as I reach out to trace the grain, and I feel the lump rise in my throat before the tears come.

The headboard has tiny carvings—little stars and a crescent moon. So simple, the details and the thought of him doing this himself for our baby made my vision blur.

“This is beautiful,” I whisper, still taking it all in. He steps behind me again, his hand finding the place it always goes now—right over our baby.

“I found it a while back,” Tommy says. “And I thought our baby deserved a safe place to sleep. One made with love from my hands… and a touch of their mama’s love for stars and the moon.”

He presses a kiss to my shoulder, hands still anchored to me like he needs to memorize every second. 

“I know we’ve got plenty of time to set up the room,” he murmurs, “but I couldn’t help myself after I found this.”

I turn in his arms, my own wrapping around his neck. “You’re already the best damn dad. This is perfect, Tommy.”

He chuckles softly, his nose brushing mine. “I’ll be the best damn husband when I finish that flower garden.”

“No,” I whisper, smiling through another tear. “You’re already the best damn husband too.”

I close my eyes as his lips meet mine, and we stay like that for a moment. Soaking it all in. 

It’s been a couple of dark months. Some days still carry the weight of Joel’s absence, the ache of the loss this town suffered when the new year came in like a blade. That kind of pain doesn’t disappear. But moments like this—quiet, full of hope—they keep us grounded. Keep us alive.

It reminds us we’re still here. And there’s still so much left to fight for.

[lemotmo]

I'm starting to think that Ravi being in the middle of Buddie is the same thing they did with BT by putting Eddie in every scene to stop it from happening. In the last episode we didn't see anything from Buddie and I think it's going to be like that now. I wanted to know what Ali thinks about this and her opinion is also important to me.

😂Well Nonny, you're in luck!

I was just talking about this topic with Ali and our thoughts are quite the opposite from yours.

First of all, Eddie wasn't in every BT scene just to stop it from happening, because BT did happen, remember? No, he was there to constantly remind the audience that, while Buck might be with T now, there was always someone else there who he relied on and trusted so much more than he ever did T. T was a stand in for Eddie in so many ways. They showed us time and again that Eddie was a better fit for Buck in every single way.

Second, there is absolutely no sign whatsoever they would want to stop Buddie from happening now. They have been setting up the storyline throughout season 8 (especially 8b) and all of it is leading somewhere.

Ali and I both think that Ravi is there for a reason yes, but not the reason you think.

Ravi has been there for a few seasons now. He has seen Buddie interacting since his first day on the job. More recently he was partnered up with Buck and got to know him better. He was there in 8x11 when Buck could talk about nothing else but Eddie. Then he was there to witness Buck and Eddie's silent communication in 8x16.

Buck has gotten to know Ravi better over the last few months and he obviously feels more comfortable around him these days. He seems to trust him in and outside of the field.

Now, in 17 and 18 there will be an earthquake. We have seen tons of bts where Anirudh, Oliver and Eddie are walking in and out of a building in varying degrees of dustiness. Yesterday we got that picture Anirudh made of the same underground space we saw in an earlier photograph of Oliver. He made a beautiful picture of Ryan there.

We don't think that Eddie will be back with the LAFD yet, since he was only back for the funeral and Chris is still in El Paso. He will want to go back to his son asap. But he will also realise that he wants to eventually move back to LA, because we all know that Ryan isn't going anywhere, so it's logical Eddie will move back at one point.

So walk with me for a minute... if Buck and Ravi end up getting stuck and/or pinned in a tight space underneath a building, without any way out, Eddie will most certainly come running unoffically to help them get out. It would explain his plain white henley under his turnouts.

Personally, I think that Gerrard will let him help out and even give him his turnouts back (Gerrard discovered that Bobby had hold on to them somewhere in the hope that Eddie would return someday, just like Bobby promised. 😭) because we've all seen that he has become a much softer version of himself ever since Bobby helped him out and ever since he died. (I know I know... Gerrard redemption is something we didn't want or need 🙄, but we are here now, so... let's roll with it.)

In the mean time Buck and Ravi are stuck underground somewhere with nothing to do but talk and hope they'll get rescued. Now, Ravi was always there in 8x11 and 8x16 when Buck was either talking about Eddie or just being around Eddie. So there is the possibility that Ravi already figured out how Buck feels about Eddie and he'll ask the question again: Are you in love with Eddie?

And Buck? He might just think that he doesn't want to leave the world with anything left unsaid, like he never got to tell Bobby that he loved him. So this time his answer will be different and he'll just blurt it out: 'yes, I do.'

It would give us a reason why Ravi was the one who was always there when Eddie popped up in Buck's narrative. So as you can see Nonny, our opinion here is very different from yours.

It's up to you what you want to believe of course. We are only speculating as well and there is always the possibility that we are wrong. But for us? Right now? This is a very likely scenario. 🤷‍♀️

[rlnacore]

I wanna preface this by saying this isn't anti-bonezo it's moreso anti tvd writers room.

So recently I've been falling back down the TVD rabbithole and i've been rewatching episodes and reading takes online. Then I saw that recently Kat and Ian were on panel, where they spoke a bit about the unexplored romantic potential between Bonnie and Damon. Interestingly enough, Kat addressed the systematic racism problem in the industry and how that translated to the storylines and romances she was given on the show. She kinda hinted at the fact that Enzo only became a romantic interest for Bonnie because he wasn't as popular as Damon was.

And to be totally honest, hearing that and kinda reflecting on my personal feelings towards Bonnie and Enzo's relationship (which can really just be summed up to indifference or even frustration) it finally made me realise why i can't enjoy their romance.

For me, the entire existence of Bonenzo is just a manifestation of the deep-rooted racism in the TVD writers room. The sole purpose of their relationship was to absolve Julie Plec, Caroline Dries and all other anti-black higher ups from any accusations of mistreatment towards Bonnie's character and Kat. I know that for me personally, the odds of me becoming fond of their relationship is slim to none, because shipping them would feel like condoning the producers' behaviour (that sounds very dramatic but I'm sure you understand my point).

They took a shoehorn/convenience character who was a watered down hybrid of two other significant characters (Damon & Klaus - both of who's actors expressed a desire to have a romantic storyline with Bonnie) and who had already pursued the male leads' mother and Caroline (to no avail), then threw him into a rushed, underdeveloped romance with Bonnie, only to reveal that it started out as a kidnapping situation and that he'd been slowly killing her the entire time (unintentionally because duh).

Regardless of my fondness towards Michael and Kat, knowing that they have a strong friendship to this day and that they enjoyed getting to work together on that relationship, or that "at least we got to see Bonnie happy", I cannot bring myself to enjoy it because it should've never happened in the first place!

And considering the way their story ended I can't say I feel like I missed out because in the end they still couldn't let Bonnie have this "happiness" for long.

So moral of the story, I don't HATE bonenzo nor do I judge other people for shipping them. They had ok chemistry and i actually kinda liked Enzo (probably more to do with Michael though) - I just don't believe that for a character like Bonnie, he was ever TRULY going to be her epic romance...

Oh and screw you to whichever producer (I'm looking at you Julie) tried to tell us that Bonnie never finds love again after he dies and only has flings for the rest of her life until she meets enzo in the afterlife.

[calicowitchfork]

What's your obsession with them kissing? They're gonna kiss and then what? You're gonna get mad that they don't have s_x immediately after?

ok. this is the last post i'll make about this because you people are fucking insufferable. and i certainly do not appreciate you making weird assumptions and putting words in my mouth.

i genuinely had no idea that me making meme posts saying i want them to kiss would start this weird ass morality war. 

now. i get that a lot of people in this fandom are teenagers (and probably straight or at least allo) so they view relationships differently then me. but you guys do know that a kiss doesn't automatically mean a relationship, right? and that most people are still getting to know each ither when they're in a relationship, right? i just want the story to finally move foreword. they can kiss and then spent 2 episodes trying to figure out that that means for them (especially with devon bc he's her boss. and jason bc he's the rival). but also, there are so many interesting storylines you we could get post them getting together. 

at the end of the day this is an otome game and i'm paying for it. so i think i'm allowed to have an opinion.

and about that sex comment. don't even piss me off. 

sorry for being mean, but this is some middle school drama and i'm not in the mood. jesus

[sometimesoliloquy]

Ultimately the right question is: How is it a crime that Nick isn't a Mayday agent? (In the show because he is in the book) That doesn't make him a guy who doesn't fight because he condones what's going on in Gilead.

Exactly right. How is this the thing that makes Nick a bad guy? At this point June taking several years to realize that Nick's not some sort of revolutionary freedom fighter really seems like her issue, not his. We know he's not. But he's also not an agent for Gilead. He's always been in the middle, playing within the system but using it to protect those he cares about, and enact change where he can, to make things better. He's allowed Gilead to "win this battle" so to speak, but it's so clear it's because he was painted into a corner, not because he wants Gilead to win. He's not on their side. Even without knowing all the facts here, June should know this given their entire history.

No, he's never been a Mayday agent but he's also worked against Gilead's rules, or rather worked within Gilead's rules against Gilead. Working as an Eye to get some of the worst commanders out of the way (self-serving at times but also doing what's right). Doing little things he can, like smuggling the handmaids' letters to Canada. And he's not a Mayday agent but we know he's worked with them (which I still maintain that by Lily's definition in 5x03 means he is Mayday). Probably most explicitly at the start of s2 trying to get June out of Gilead. It's stated that he's working with Mayday here but implied perhaps for the first time, or at least in this capacity (smuggling people out). "I don't know, I've never done this before". But he certainly knew how to get in contact with them, and fast, whether because he had worked in smaller capacity with them before or just knowing from being an Eye, we don't know. 

And here's something that hadn't really occurred to me before recently, on my last rewatch--I really think that Nick would have had to call in a big favor--or be beholden to a fair amount of continued assistance/intel to Mayday--for them to agree to helping June escape in the first place. Especially if he hadn't worked with them before. Because as we learn in another episode, as a rule Mayday generally won't touch handmaids (let along a pregnant handmaid!). They're too valuable to Gilead and therefore too high profile, and too dangerous to get involved with. Do we really think Nick could have just run to them and they'd be like sure ok np, we'll just risk our entire operation to move a pregnant handmaid of a powerful commander without some sort of collateral from him(that we of course never see)?

And I think this is also an important reminder that, while they are fighting the good fight, Mayday also has their own priorities, their own code of what they'll do and what risks they consider too great to jeopardize the larger operation, no matter how good the cause or how vulnerable the people needing help. They don't just help anyone who needs it at any time no matter what. They exercise deliberate caution (well, this current s6 Mayday cell maybe not quite as much!) and they are aware of and willing to accept the unfortunate possibility of collateral damage. Which is exactly the kind of calculation that we've seen Nick operate with, the twist being that his motivations are largely very personal--surviving, protecting June and Holly--where Mayday's are largely strategic--striking against Gilead (and we know he's always been most reckless and ready to risk when it comes to June).

I think we should also not forget here the actions--or at least intentions--of other characters that in essence are not that different from what Nick did: Moira smuggling June on the NGO boat in s4, putting everyone involved in danger and the entire future of the humanitarian operations at risk. For personal reasons, for the one person she just couldn't stand to leave behind again. And June, ready to rashly do pretty much the exact same thing in 6x05 asking Janine to leave with them that night, which likely would have scrapped the whole Mayday plan AND put the rest of the women at Jezebels in danger (the two things she's ostensibly mad at Nick for). Both characters were rightfully scolded for their actions but it was portrayed as understandable, the human need to put those you love first (I won't even get into all June's actions that have put others in danger trying to get to Hannah or make Gilead hurt after Hannah is put out of reach). 

So why is it that Nick seems to be the only one who doesn't get grace for this? The only real difference as I see it is that he operates in Gilead, within a place of relative power. But as we've seen, power is often an illusion in Gilead, where you can gain or lose it in an instant, and there is always another man around the corner ready to put a noose around your neck or a bullet in your brain (or shackle you with a child bride, or a trip to the war front) if you get in their way. Nick knows this all too well, having been on both sides of the equation! But this is the thing that allows people to say what he did is so wrong, is so much worse than the others, because of this illusion of power, and the illusion of choice we also know exists in Gilead. Elizabeth Moss can say "but there's always a choice, isn't there" and yeah sure that's true, but in this case the other choice was likely for Nick to die, or be jailed and sentenced to death, and June stuck in NB with his vindictive father-in-law on the warpath. And how is that the best choice?

I've got to think that June is gonna realize this after she's had time to calm down and process, but emotions have been high and she's a very reactive person, a lasher-outer, so it's likely not going to be pretty in the immediate future. She's going to have to come to a reckoning and I think it's also going to be a good opportunity for her character to do some self-reflection on herself and the selfishness several characters have been calling her out on lately. If they don't go that direction they'll not only be doing Nick dirty but also do a disservice to the larger character development of June.

[taran-wood-beast]

So I think the main thing I've learned here is that Kerblam! could have worked if they had just made that guy the World's Most Annoying Piece of Shit Asshole. Like, I'm no fan of the CIA. But if they fed, I dunno, Chris Rufo to the terror dogs from Ghostbusters, I can't really pretend I'd have a problem with that?

I've been wondering for weeks now why McTighe is the one Chibnall era writer to get invited back and it seems pretty clear now that it's because he actually is pretty solid at both characterization and propelling forward an entertaining narrative. He just can't stop stepping on politics rakes Sideshow Bob style.

Also I still haven't forgiven him for girlbossifying Ace

Some little details I really enjoyed here:

* Love when Ncuti rolls his Rs McCoy style.

* The costuming on Conrad and Ruby's first date, where they're both dressed in riffs on Fifteen's outfits.

* The little domestic bits between Kate and her hunky trophy BF. This is how UNIT is supposed to function.

Actually the main thing threatening to completely break this episode is that the eternal tension between "UNIT is a familiar and loveable ad hoc family of Earth based supporting characters we like" (Season 8 UNIT) and "UNIT is a ruthless clandestine international paramilitary with world-ending technology and little to no oversight" (Season 7 UNIT) is stretched to its furthest ever extreme. Another user refers to it as the Avengers-fication of UNIT. I don't think that tension gets resolved here. I'm actually not sure it can be resolved. And I sort of wonder if stretching and prodding at that tension may actually be the point of the exercise for these 45 minutes? It would be in keeping with other deconstructions of aspects of Doctor Who RTD has overseen in the past

Moving on, the actual most interesting part of the episode for me is the "Ruby has PTSD" section. It's deft character work, well acted, and crucially it's an angle on Life After The TARDIS thats never been done before. It gets paid some lip service with Martha but we don't stick around long enough to dig into it. Looking forward to see where they go with this in the finale.

Also the fact that Ruby explicitly cites "getting trapped in a double bass" as one of the things that traumatized her is hysterical. Doctor Who is such a silly silly show but even the silly parts would be completely terrifying if you had to actually experience them!

Also also imagining Belinda one day having a similar conversation but one of her traumatic experiences is "I met some nerds."

Trinity Wells you will always be famous. Also love that we're just stuck with Fox News Trinity Wells now.

Re: the TARDIS scene at the end...You can tell McTighe has only written Jodie's Doctor before now because the Doctor talks like a cop here. It's his version of the Capaldi one-liners in Boom.

I really liked this scene actually. It's completely in keeping with other times the Doctor has gone Vindictive Bastard mode on people who've personally hurt his friends. And its great to see Ncuti get a proper Vindictive Bastard Doctor scene! It's really good, juicy stuff. Just, man. The actual lines he's given...you can really hear the Supercilious Yorkshire Lilt in some of those authoritative moral condemnations...

It's naturally mostly Ncuti's performance that makes it interesting. Because right at the end, when Conrad refuses to show remorse, the look on Ncuti's face is just...sadness. Because this Doctor would be sad about it! He starts the scene seemingly brushing off Conrad's suggestion that the Doctor is there to "save his soul" but then when Conrad refuses to have his soul saved...he's disappointed after all! He was hoping to save his soul! It's a really savvy performance note that cuts against the obvious reading of the scene. People who keep saying they "don't know Ncuti's Doctor" aren't watching!!!

That said, its extremely frustrating that we have three Doctor Lite episodes for a Doctor who might only get 18 and a half episodes total.

[the-pessimist-and-his-cat]

Alright. Thoughts on this stupid vroom vroom alpha bl show that will consume my mind for nearly three months! (I haven't read the books, but apparently Charlie gets memory loss?)

Kim.... you are the real winner. I always love it when people speak their minds instead of letting it fester (I hope he stays that way).

Babe... really? Starting with you being grumpy and a sex scene! Classic Babe behavior, but I don't fault him. After all, being a hot dude with an appetite, do be like that sometimes :)

Willy.... he's gonna be an A-hole but seeing Babe and Willy's first interaction being all hostile, it's gonna go one of the two ways: [I] Babe is going to use Willy to rile Charlie up (he wants Charlie to be the one who defeats Willy or he wants angry sex). [II] he wants to know Willy's motive and finds him suspicious or wants to find his weakness, so he acts like a 'Playboy' <but of course, none of these will go well because I'll explain in the end>

North and Sonic..... sorry for those of you who ship these two, but I never understood their dynamic, and they aren't interesting to me, but if the show does expand on their characters by going beyond "forever BFFs who secretly like each other". then you got my interest.

Chris.... now do I like to see actors coming back to the show as another character.... nope. My reasoning? Do it, but at least have the doppelganger/twin sibling/clone to be shocked! If I were Chris (even if I knew who Way was and I was a secret spy), I would totally lose my goddamn mind! Someone who looks like me?! What are the chances! But I do hope he doesn't break Pete's heart.

Pete..... since when you snatched the DILF title from Alan? But I hope you don't give your heart too easily to Chris and maybe check his background throughly??? Because what are the goddamn chances!

Alan.... I have no words other than look out for your boyfriend, and please be respectful when Kim snatches victory from Babe. That boy acted professional, so should you. (Also, you look good as always and when you and Jeff are gonna have kids i-)

Jeff.... why did they name you that? From the first season till now... whenever I hear your name, I hear that meme, "My name is Jeff," but alas, nothing can be done about it. Now, will this season toy with Jeff's life because the visions take a toll on him? (And maybe the skill-erasing machine will be his salvation? We gonna find out!)

Dean.... did you die? But I swear that in one of the trailers, you and Winner and Kenta were in a van soooo maybe a bullet to the leg or a graze?

Tony.... an A-hole with multiple watch lists to be on, but that hair is still serving and I can't hate that face. I think in the episode 2 preview, he said that he has a spy, so it's either Chris, Willy, or the new mechanic.

Charlie.... the biggest red flag of all the characters... just because that boy is bound to do something stupid and have Babe go on a depression cycle again. Oh, I know what he's gonna do. When he sees Babe with Willy, he's gonna be like "I'll bring back his senses so that Babe wins and we'll be done with Willy", and he goes to the machine, which is STILL experimental and uses it and voila! Memory loss, BUT if the show does do that and then show Charlie being all hot bad boy with side-pieces all over him, then I'll forgive him. He has the potential to be a bad boy, and I WANT to see it. :)

Well, I hope we see Babe's father again.

Manifesting Jeff's pregnancy right this fucking now. Maybe because the visions take a toll on him, he uses the machine, and it backfires and turns him into Omega...... oh my god.... what if there is no omega in this world, and Pete's research has invented a machine that not only turn off Alpha's powers but also turns them into Omega?! A new subtype?!?!? I'm cooking, folks!

7/10 for Ep 1.

Edit: I forgot to mention that I liked it when they introduced Chris in the 1st episode rather than tiptoeing around it.

[honeygrahambitch]

Hannibal nbc is the proof that you can write insane people realistically. That as a writer you can make your public empathize even with pathological serial killers who show no remorse. Even when the serial killers kill for no reason, just for the love of it. As a writer, you can turn every impulsive decision they make into art. And while there is not always coherence or logical reasoning behind certain actions, Bryan Fuller managed to make it all fit perfectly into a bigger puzzle. Even the irrational makes sense. Even the actions of the most deranged characters have their beauty and logic. The character development is not about the characters becoming better humans and healing but about accepting their worst parts and healing by committing to those not by trying to change. It's not a story about how love made everyone better human beings.

So to me Hannibal is an example of what a show about serial killers as main characters should be like. Dexter is another good example but I am not talking about it now. I am very critical about You season 5 (I am currently watching episode 9 so don't spoiler me).

This whole season keeps feeling like a fanfiction. The chatacters are out of character. They change from one episode to the other. They abandon their principles too easily. Kate who wanted to become a better person and started the whole trial against Joe and went to such lengths as to pull Nadia out and get custody of Henry, decided on the spot she should kill Joe. It feel forced. Too brusque. Could have been implemented differently.

Joe and Bronte forgave each other too easily. It took them one episode. And while Joe has been badly deranged since season 4, it's weird that Bronte just closed her eyes to everything around her? She is either super deranged as well or just super badly written.

All their "tropes" feel very cringe to me. The "I can fix him", "enemies to lovers", "she was pretending at first but then she fell in love for real", be for real.

I can't really be critical about Joe's actions because he is sick. And you can't complain about lack of reasoning or out of character behavior when it comes to mentally deranged characters. But his character still feels very sloppily written. He is no longer as attractive as he was. He is superficial and straight out pathetic and I am so tired of his ever lasting "I finally found my true love". If anyone, Love Queen had been the one. They wrote her out so badly.

Anyway these are my thoughts for now, don't come for me, it's just my opinion and I'm really curious about how this will end

[musicalcompanions]

911 fan here and i liked your analysis of the current state of the show, but i wanted to ask if you think buddie can still happen or if you think bucktommy getting back together is more likely?

i dont want to lose hope of buddie happening but i don't feel like the show is going in that direction right now and i guess i wanted a more unbiased take

Hey anon,

Sorry for taking a while to reply, but I’m glad you liked my analysis. I was just trying to give an outsiders perspective on the show.

And I’ll be honest here with my impression. I could be totally off, because I am more of a casual viewer and I don’t engage much with shipping in this show so I probably don’t know every bts details and show history. What I can and will give you is a casual fan view of where the show is going with Buddie and Bucktommy.

Firstly, for Buddie, I think it’s complicated.

For Buddie to go canon, at least this season, I think the show would have had to lay more groundwork than they have done so far. As much as the fandom is aware of it, a considerable portion of GA probably doesn’t see it and the logical thing would be to take it slow, give hints here and there, and slowly build towards it. I don’t think they’ve put in that work so far, but, then again, Buck figuring out he’s bi and his relationship with Tommy was very fast passed so, maybe, they’ll fast track it again, which I don’t think would be the proper way to develop this ship.

What also does make it seem unlikely to me is that Eddie’s basically been reduced to a recurring role, if not guest star, in the second half of S8. I don’t think this would be the case if they were going in the Buddie direction.

I’m also not in the fandom enough to know if the actors are straightforward or if they like to mislead fans so the big reveals land more effectively, so this could be a wrong analysis, but I saw a Ryan interview (which I think is recent, pls correct me if I’m wrong) in which he basically called Buck a brother and I don’t think this would be the language he’d be using if he was aware of the intention of Buddie going canon.

I also don’t think this plot would be something that the actors would find out on the spot. There would certainly be talks beforehand so he’d have to know it for a while before it went canon. If the interview is recent and he’s being truthful, then I’d say no plans for Buddie canon rn.

Plus, 911 has never seem like a show that likes to hide things from it’s viewers or make grand plans, the show just is what it is and I think what’s shown on screen should be taken at face value. I don’t see some huge set up leading to Buddie canon rn tbh.

The whole Buck living in Eddie’s house thing is interesting and could lead somewhere, maybe it’s feelings realization maybe it’s not… maybe it’s just them as roommates until Buck finds somewhere new or Eddie leaves again. I’m really unsure of Eddie’s future. He’s got basically no storylines developing rn, he’s not even integrated in most of the other characters storylines.

Almost feels like a phase out for the character, but could also just be that the actor had less episodes this season for whatever reason (maybe another project) and will be back for s9. What I find weird is that if they wanted a mcd and Ryan wanted to leave then Eddie might’ve been the character to kill off from a conviniente standpoint or they thought the backlash would be worse if it was Eddie? Idk, the character is in a weird spot rn and I don’t think he’d be there if Buddie was going canon soon, you know?

Overall, I don’t see Buddie happening this season and, if it does, I think it will probably just be too rushed and not properly developed. So, I hope, that if the plan is that they start laying out the groundwork and build towards it in the next season.

That being said for Buddie, I think the show does have plans for Tommy/Bucktommy, I can’t say for sure what they are, but they’re there. They had the perfect way to write Tommy out after the breakup, but he’s come back and he’s been in like half (?) of the second part of S8 episodes so far. Why bring him back if there’s not a planned pay off? (Maybe I’m expecting too much coherence from the show).

Firstly, he slept with Buck, indicated interest in rekindling the relationship and then he left with some very clearly unresolved issues with Buck. I don’t know why that interaction would be there if it weren’t build up for another talk on their relationship (if for the good or the bad, I can’t tell). Then he came back for the lab rescue and that whole “I’m doing it for you” thing was very deliberately placed there…

All this leads me to think he and Buck will, at least, have a talk about their relationship and where they stand and where they want to go. If Bucktommy was truly over, there was no need for any of those interactions. All of those plots could’ve been achieved via other characters or maybe even new characters.

And, lastly, Tommy didn’t have to be in the funeral episode, but he was… and that opening emergency could’ve been anyone else saving Bobby, but they put Tommy there. That also feels deliberate and, for the first time in a while, Tommy’s character existed outside of Buck’s. Since they got together, Tommy’s character has basically revolved around Buck, but in that scene, it didn’t.

Maybe I’m looking too much into it, but it kind of feels like integrating him a bit more in the narrative? Reminding GA that he used to be in the 118. Idk why they’d do this if they didn’t have something in mind for the character… I don’t know exactly what is it that they want to do with Tommy. Could be good, could be bad (depending on where you stand in the fandom), but there’s something.

In the end, Io think they’ll tackle Bucktommy relationship status by the end of the season, I just don’t know exactly which way it will go. Maybe they’ll use it as building step for Buddie feeling realization, but I haven’t really gotten the vibe that’s where they’re heading so far. Again, I’m just a casual fan so this could be wrong.

What did confuse me a bit were the talks about Buck having feelings for Eddie, both with Tommy and Maddie. When I first saw it, I thought it could lead to Buddie feeling realization, but now, I think it could also just be the writers talking directly to the audience “why does everyone want me to be in love with my best friend?” as a way to indicate they’re not going there…

This is very long, but, basically, idk. I don’t think it’s heading in the Buddie direction rn and I do think there will be some Bucktommy resolution, which can go anyway tbh.

Hope that somewhat answered your question anon.

[grayintogreen]

HELLO FELLOW NEIN AGAIN ENJOYERS. And happy Tombtakers Loredrop Day. Today I bring you a preview of a long term event coming this summer.

Are you sad that all the enticing lore dropped in CR2 episode "Fleeting Memories" might as well be an eternity away from bearing fruit? Did you think Cree was a fun NPC and wanted more of her? Are you a fan of fix-it fanfic that barely fixes anything and in fact just makes everything a little bit worse?

Well, I have something you might enjoy!

In honor of Nein Again reaching episode 26 on the day of LitMoR's fourth anniversary, I'm going to be running a weekly "bookclub" for the series to run parallel with Nein Again starting July 29th. You can find the full schedule for the entire duology, plus side stories and intermissions here (more dates to be added depending on where I get with the third mega novel and yet it's still going to take less time to get through than Nein Again). It runs exactly like Nein Again, only its a really long fanfic.

And you may be asking yourself? Uh, what's LitMoR? And I'm GLAD YOU ASKED.

life in the margins of redemption is a post-episode 26 canon divergent series I started writing four years ago after the end of Campaign Two to satiate my incredible need to retell the story but slightly to the left, keeping dead characters alive, making certain plot threads and themes more prevalent, and exploring some elements from the campaign that I thought were underdeveloped simply because those just weren't the things the cast wanted to focus on (and that is valid- this is in no way me going HERE'S MY BETTER VERSION OF CANON, it's a love letter to wanting more of these characters). At 1.6 million words and the main two stories of the duology remaining in the top three longest fics in the CR tag even after all these years, it is an absolute chonker and I'm still adding to it. It's a story that is very close to my heart and I thought it would be fun for people to either re-read or discover it while taking it in in bite-size chunks as you watch how it diverges from canon and goes off in wild new directions.

Below the cut is an FAQ ranging from what you can expect to the story to how the book club will be run if you'd like to participate. If there are any other questions, please don't hesitate to send me an ask! I look forward to seeing how this goes. Hopefully it'll be fun for the people who would love an excuse to reread and for new readers alike.

WHY ARE YOU DOING IT?

I've been told numerous times by people that LitMoR looks interesting, but is ultimately very daunting and intimidating. By promoting a book club, I hope that maybe those people who have wanted to read it will find it easier to do so. Also a lot of people who have read it thought it would be cool to do.

WHAT WILL WE BE DOING?

Whatever you like! You can read the assigned chapter and go "that's nice" and never do anything else. You can leave a comment on AO3! You can join my Discord and talk about it with other people. You can talk about it on tumblr. You can not do any that at all and instead do some secret additional thing. It's really up to you how you engage with it. I just ask that you be polite about it. It's all in fun.

WHAT IF I DON’T LIKE IT?

Back button. I really don't expect this to be a huge thing- it's just something that I'm proud of and want to share it with others and if there's a way to share it that makes it easier on people to read, that's great! But I will not be coming to your house and demanding you give me my flowers. I just ask, again, that you be nice. If it's not for you, it's not for you.

WHAT CHARACTERS DOES THIS FOCUS ON?

This is an ensemble story, so while there are significant narrative beats dedicated to Molly, Cree, and eventually Lucien, every character is given a chance to shine and have their own subplots and arcs. A lot of arcs still play out as they did in canon, but under radically different circumstances and in new ways and some characters whose personal growth wasn't focused on as much even get some additional layers.

WHAT IS THE SHIPPING/ROMANCE VIBE LIKE?

My rule of thumb is that if you absolutely despise any of the ships listed, this series isn't for you, but if you're indifferent at worst, you'll probably be okay, because the shipping is on par with how canon treats it- i.e. it's part of some characters' arcs, but it does not derail the plot nor does the romance override other relationships. Everyone is still intensely weird about one another, regardless of whether or not they are kissing.

EXPLAIN THE RATING

The rating is for violence, gore, intense situations, and a lot of mindfuckery, but I wouldn't say any of it is atypical of what you would see in canon. The tags represent anything that comes up more than once, but if something is specific to a chapter, I will usually put it in the author's notes.

WHAT TAGS SHOULD I USE IF I WANT TO POST ABOUT IT?

LitMoR, LitMoR bookclub or life in the margins of redemption are good tags to use! I would avoid using canon CR tags unless you're just really into them for organizational purposes so to not to annoy people who aren't here for this. I'm trying to make this as fun and hassle-free for all sides of the line. I will only be using the CR tags for this post and the starting post and every subsequent bookclub post after will be tagged with the series name or "LitMoR bookclub" to keep things tidy and not annoying so you can either follow me or the LitMoR bookclub tag for updates.

WILL THIS SPOIL FUTURE EPISODES?

If you are aware of things that are coming up narratively even if you don't know the details, then you should be okay, because for the first few weeks OUADYA will follow pretty close to canon before it wildly diverges and doesn't pick up canon events until much, much later. If you want ZERO spoilers ever, then you might wanna sit it out, because while it does take lore in a different direction and does operate under its own thing, it will likely spoil a lot of things for you.

I have heard that it's possible to enjoy the fic if you haven't seen the full campaign if you don't care about utterly spoiling yourself! If you decide to stop watching after episode 26 for... reasons, it is actually fully able to be enjoyed with just that context.

HOW CANON COMPLIANT IS THIS?

It does not consider TNEOL or Molly and Caduceus's Origins comics canon (the first story was written before any of them came out), and does, again, take things in wildly different directions and has intense, deep, and maybe not exactly what was intended by Matt and the cast, lore, on top of occasionally throwing out certain spell rules that get in the way of good storytelling (like Doric's infinite wildshapes in the Dungeons & Dragon movie). I do have it on good authority that my characterization is pretty damn accurate, but you'd have to ask the frequent readers to weigh in on that.

Also shockingly, I have accidentally predicted a lot of canon events, which is very funny.

[blazinghotfoggynights]

I slept on it and spent all day thinking about it before deciding to say my piece.

I know Minear has turned out trash in the past. Every show has a slump.

This season has been a dumpster fire. I began pointing out the plots and subplots that were subpar years ago. Maybe season 5 or 6? I don't even remember.

We had to deal with the HenRen and Mara saga. Great idea! Could have been executed better.

That girl Buck dated when he delivered the sperm donor baby on his couch. OMG! The sperm donor arc. How could I forget?

Marisol. Zero chemistry. How do you stand next to Ryan Guzman in tight jeans and look bored? How?

Hen going to med school just to...what...say,"Nah, I'm good."

Eddie dating dead wife doppelgangers then running off to El Paso with NO JOB, buying a house, with NO JOB, selling his very expensive truck, with NO JOB, to buy a Prius and drive Uber. All to bring back the son he has every legal right to just yell at to get in the car and shut up for the entire ride back to LA because he can be mad at home. I don't know about you, but my parents didn't let me run off for months just because my panties were in a twist. They would have dared my grandparents to try to keep us apart.

Buck. Where do I even start? Dumped by a guy when he impulsively asks him to move in. Sleeps with that ex when he is obviously spiraling. Moves into the house of his missing best friend. (Missing because that story...just no.) Ex who obviously knows Buck so well and loves him so much he gave him basketball tickets for their anniversary is still hanging around.

That's like giving me golf clubs. If you do that, I know you are just choosing to be a d-bag. I'm going to pawn them and buy myself something nice. (In case you are on that guy's intellectual leve, I HATE golf.)

Then Athena has just been breaking laws for how many seasons? 3 now? More? This character that was originally a moral compass is now just busting through laws when they get in her way? What? She has been given the most awful stories to work with. They seem hastily thrown together by a high school writing student with 30 minutes left before class starts and he has to turn it in. She brings it every time though, so kudos to one of my favorites.

Now for Bobby. I don't give a crap what anyone says, the character of Bobby Nash was completely disrespected. In turn, Peter Krause saw a character he did an amazing job of portraying, bringing out the nuances of a complex character so expertly, he wasn't so complex at the end. We got Bobby and understood him. Six Feet Under was one of my favorite shows, so I'm used to Peter...ahem...exiting...early. (Great show BTW. If you haven't watched it, highly recommend!)

Could I see Bobby sacrificing himself for his team? Absolutely.

But that entire story was a mess. We all have learned to suspend disbelief when any 911 version is on, but this? I can't roll my eyes enough.

And if you are going to send off the character that brought the 118 together, shouldn't his whole "family" be there? Tim acted like Eddie Diaz didn't exist. Buck picked him up offscreen, but Tim damn sure made space for a guy who gave Bobby, Hen, and Chimney hell and the guy who did it twice.

You honestly think we believe the 118 suddenly forgives, respects, and likes Gerrard? Did Minear forget he wrote their hatred for the man in multiple episodes just this season?

[thebreakfastgenie]

I’ve been showing a friend of mine MASH and we’re finally nearing the end (wrapping up season 10). She mentioned something kind of interesting I thought you might have a view on. As we’ve been in the later seasons with more character-focused plots, we’ve both kind of joked that the show is obviously very Hawkeye centric, as is expected of the literal main character, so the pre-text of “who will perform this surgery?” or “who will go to the front for a day?” is kind of pointless (from a viewer perspective). But, my friend said that the this ends up having a weird effect on the messaging in her view. Because everything always happens to Hawkeye, the messaging appears to be that he’s just uniquely having the worst time ever, not that the war is horrific for everyone. I think the argument is that because the dramatic plots tend not to be spread around, the anti-war messaging is dampened or subsumed.

I’m not sure I agree with this, I’m still mulling it over, but it’s an interesting idea. Im not sure anything could have been any different - Hawkeye is the lead after all. But, it also reminds me of another point I’ve been thinking about which is the length of the show and later-years found family aspect almost cut against the anti-war messaging as well. I’m not sure I have a coherent point here, it’s still an amazing show (even the later-years which I’m less fond of), but it’s interesting to me that the form and formalistic traditions of the medium can sometimes undercut aspects of the messaging.

I think the anti-war messaging does get undercut a little bit sometimes in the later seasons, but I'm not sure I agree with your friend about why. There were a lot of factors that went into it. For one thing, the show lasted such a long time they had already told most of the anti-war stories they wanted to tell. MASH was able to last so long while maintaining a relatively high quality by evolving and transforming. The people who made the show have said that themselves. That's why you get more character-driven, dramatic stories in the later seasons, and the show is more focused on that and less focused on the anti-war messaging. I don't think there's any universe where we get 11 seasons of early MASH because there is just a finite number of episodes you can produce.

Another factor that gets discussed a lot is chronology. MASH is about the Korean War, but it was also frequently commenting on the Vietnam War. When MASH started in 1972 (and the film came out in 1970) the Vietnam War was still in full swing but by that point extremely unpopular. The United States withdrew in 1973. Events like the fall of the Saigon government in 1975 kept it relevant a little bit longer, but by the late 70s Vietnam was no longer topical* and the MASH cast and creative team were actually starting to get questions in interviews about whether that was going to make it harder to keep the show relevant. There was also a weird silence about Vietnam in American culture immediately after US involvement in the war ended. There was a glut of anti-war art and media during the war, but as soon as the war ended the country collectively decided not to talk about. This weird national denial lasted into the 80s. When Goodnight Saigon came out in 1982, it generated a lot of comments that no one was talking about Vietnam. Born in the USA came out in 1984 and I think that was really the beginning of the retrospective national conversation about Vietnam. MASH of course ended in February 1983, before that really got started, so the final seasons of MASH were happening in this cultural context that was largely silent on the issue. When MASH started the Korean War was 20 years old, by this point it was pushing 30 years old and was gaining its reputation as "the forgotten war" and without Vietnam to tie it to the present, the cultural conditions no longer supported a topical anti-war show. But character-driven stories about the universal horrors of war, especially well-written stories about characters that Americans already loved? That they could do. People started complaining that MASH "got preachy" later on, even though MASH was never subtle and the early seasons are much more pointed in their anti-war message, and while part of that was just that Larry Gelbart's comedy writing was so good the message went over a lot of Americans' heads, I think part of it was also that the popular idea of what "preachy" meant evolved in the late 70s going into the 80s.

Related to both of these things is the changeover in creative control. Larry Gelbart and Gene Reynolds both left MASH when they did because they felt they'd told all the stories they wanted to tell. Ken Levine and David Isaacs, who were the headwriters for seasons 6 through 8, left after season 8 for the same reason. Larry Gelbart was really the driving force behind the anti-war messaging and topical Vietnam commentary. Alan Alda gradually amassed a larger creative influence and by the time Burt Metcalfe took over he was basically an equal showrunner. Ironically, considering the popular perception, Alan Alda didn't like writing overtly political scripts, and preferred more character-driven stories. Burt Metcalfe was pretty much on the same page. They knew they couldn't do what Larry Gelbart did as well as Larry did it, so instead of trying and creating something subpar, they just did something else and did that well.

The reason I'm not sure about your friend's reasoning that the anti-war message was undercut by too much focus on Hawkeye specifically is that while in some ways Hawkeye becomes more of a main character over time, in other ways the show becomes more of a true ensemble over time as Margaret's role becomes less antagonistic and straightforward antagonist Frank is replaced with the more sympathetic Charles. Her point that "the pre-text of “who will perform this surgery?” or “who will go to the front for a day?” is kind of pointless" is correct, but that was kind of always true. They even kind of hang a lampshade on it when they draw sausages to go to the front. As early as Dear Dad in season 1, it's Hawkeye that has to go to the front to perform field surgery. That's the episode that establishes Hawkeye as the thoracic surgeon, which is a change from both the movie and the original book, in which Trapper was the only thoracic surgeon in the 4077th, and was also the head surgeon. Both of those roles were transplanted to Hawkeye in the show as he emerged as the main character, and that's ultimately why Wayne Rogers left after season 3 (on good terms; he wasn't angry about it and remained friends with Alan Alda, but he took the role expecting to be a more equal protagonist and it didn't make sense for him to stay when it didn't shake out that way). The later seasons do have a number of dramatic episodes that center other characters, too, including some that Alan Alda wrote.

I think your friend is touching on something, though. I think MASH somewhat undercut its anti-war message by being too successful and lasting as long as it did. A little bit because it starts to feel like Hawkeye and the 4077th are just uniquely unlucky (and I mean, in real life, doctors who were drafted were rotated home at a certain point, Hawkeye being there for the entire war is creative license), but also because even though the show repeatedly hammers home that the characters want the war to end, the end of the war means the end of the show, so the audience is naturally going to want to prolong the fictional depiction of the Korean War so they can continue watching the show. A lot of that has to do with the audience falling in love with these characters over the last 11 years, so having more dramatic, character-driven episodes contributed to that whether they disproportionately focused on Hawkeye or not.

Tl;dr MASH does undercut its anti-war message a bit in the later seasons, mostly as a result of the inevitable limitations of television as a medium to send that message, and the only way to avoid it would have been to end the show earlier.

*The devastating effects of the war and the USA's involvement continues to be extremely relevant to the people who live in Vietnam, but once US troops left the country it stopped being relevant to Americans.