#and did the same the di Feisheng

[acequinz]

Everyday I battle between the thought of Li Lianhua having a slow realisation of the feelings Fang Duobing and Di Feisheng holding for him vs Li Lianhua knowing from the start and just acting aloof because he doesn't have it in him to accept them when he's so close to death.

Like with the slow realisation, I imagine him feeling a little hope being able to love them the way they love him and it being squashed so he leaves them to each other because they are both such an integral part of him and he wants at least those parts to have them both.

But with always knowing, i imagine him going through every episode trying to ignore the need in him to give in and at least enjoy the time he has left but he doesn't have it in him to give them his heart when he knows it will be ripped from their hands anyway and in the end he leaves them his everything because he couldn't leave his heart behind.

[zishuge]

The only thing I remember is killing people. You say I'm someone who saves people. I won't kill you — but I don't believe you either. Do you think I'm a fool? You're not a fool. Mysterious Lotus Casebook (2023) | Ep. 20

[a--ttano]

Difang beloved

[mx-myth]

Okay so mlc hanahaki au except when fang duobing leaves li lianhua when he discovers he's li xiangyi (because that's about where I am in the show rn) he starts coughing up stuff afterward. He's like wtf is happening I got better things to do but then suddenly he's keeled over feeling like he's hacking up his lungs but all that come out are seeds and slender white petals stained with blood. Finally he starts researching and oops, he's in love with someone? This is where he notices that his seeds look suspiciously like lotus seeds. He's in love with LI LIANHUA? Seriously? Baby boy is so furious but he eventually decides to keep this to himself. (Something something lotuses meaning honesty and goodness and the sick irony of xiaobao's feelings about llh at this moment and the petals being stained with blood)

Fast forward to post-canon. He never told llh. The flowers are slowly taking over his lungs and his meridians are slowly decaying due to the disease. For months he's been throwing up pieces of lotus pods. He chokes out whole lotuses sometimes.

Does this mean llh is still alive out there somewhere? Or is he yearning after a dead man? Xiaobao doesn't know which one is true.

Di feisheng totally knows about this (I don't actually know what happens post-canon so they're living in the lotus tower with huli jing). They don't talk about this. He doesn't know the flowers are for llh but come on, xiaobao, it's not that hard to guess. But he makes xiaobao tea to soothe his throat and cooks sometimes. They sit together in the mornings quietly and they both know they're wishing for llh to be back.

And then one time when dfs is out fdb coughs up red petals mixed in with lotus petals. This can't be happening, he thinks. He does a little asking around when he goes out for groceries and they're camellias. It makes him want to throw up a little when he's told they mean devotion and care (and in China it symbolizes two lovers which I thought was a little funny).

No one else stands beside him but dfs. No one knows him like he does. No one knows dfs like he does. The one person who knew them both truly is dead. They're connected by their devotion to a dead man. They've cared for each other through their ups and downs. Xiaobao knows that dfs isn't the cruel villain of the jianghu. Xiaobao himself is no longer a wide-eyed naïve little detective.

Who else could it be besides dfs? Who else could he love besides these two men who know (knew) him like no one else does? It's a sick parallel that, just like llh, he only has so long to live.

Does dfs know? If he reciprocates, does it truly change the fact that fang duobing (fang xiaobao) will die? The love was there but did it truly change anything? Did it save anyone?

Edit: guys you'll never guess what I just finished writing

[howdaretrashships]

Feihua Most Unhinged Moment Tournament: Semi Finals, Bracket 2

Tournament Masterpost

Propaganda:

Option 1: "You have my internal power in your body."

Di Feisheng does not know he's Di Feisheng. He's woken up in a strange place with no memories of who he is, much less anyone else. He's dressed in wedding robes, but he's surrounded by corpses. A blind man tells him he was supposed to marry one of them.

Two more men enter. Both are surprised to see him, but while the younger is angry, the elder says they're friends. Good friends.

Then he passes out.

He has a nightmare about his childhood. He's a killer surrounded by killers. A cruel master wants him to be ruthless and under his control. He grows up surrounded by corpses.

When he wakes, he puts a knife to the throat of the elder of the two men. The man is neither surprised nor afraid. Li Lianhua's name is on his hand in his own writing.

Li Lianhua says his name is A'Fei. He says A'Fei has helped save lives. As proof, Li Lianhua offers his own wrist.

A'Fei doesn't know his own name, but he recognizes the power flowing through his own meridians is the same as that flowing through Li Lianhua's. Li Lianhua looks at him with affection at the realization.

A'Fei only remembers killing, but he knows he wants Li Lianhua to live.

Option 2: Toasting the moon with nuptial wine on the 10th anniversary of the Donghai fight

You're here on this mountain for him.

(Well, actually, you were injured and betrayed by an old friend [again] and abducted here. But you were meeting that friend so you could rescue him.)

He was abducted and tortured by a woman that claims to love him. She plans to marry him (even though he's not willing). She's keeping him bound and helpless.

(He stopped you from killing her once. You wonder if he ever regrets that.)

You help him survive a 10% chance of repairing his meridians, and he comes out stronger for it. He says he'll repay you, but you know what the payment will be and you don't want it. (He won't listen. He wants you to live. He wants to fight you again.)

The room you're hiding in is decorated for a wedding (his wedding) and the wine you're drinking is nuptial wine (crossed-cup wine) and he says today is the day. Today, ten years ago, was the last time you crossed blades.

The last fight before you died, that he spent ten years healing from. The fight that broke the truce you negotiated together. The fight that shouldn't have happened - wouldn't have happened - if you had just talked to each other.

If you had trusted each other the way you do now.

And he looks at the moon and says the moon wasn't as bright as it is now. And he smiles.

And you realize it's actually always been this bright, you've always felt this way, you just didn't have the ability to recognize it back then. (His smile is soft as he agrees.)

So you toast to who you were, and who you are; with wedding wine, in a newlywed chamber. (And you don't tell him he won't get another fight.)

[rhymaes]

Mysterious Lotus Casebook // Anne Carson, Autobiography of Red

(continuation of x)

[kseniyagreen]

What makes me emotional is how, if you look beneath the surface of this whole “old rivals unite for a common cause” line, you can see how Li Lianhua is especially careful and even gentle with Di Feisheng.

Li Lianhua has a sharp tongue. And sometimes he uses it even with those he cares about. Even Fang Duobing had to experience this on himself once (although the purpose was to protect Fang Duobing).

But Li Lianhua never uses his sharp tongue on Di Feisheng. Not when Di Feisheng is in a position dependent on Li Lianhua. Not when Li Lianhua has good reason to be angry with him.

It’s as if, while everyone else sees Di Feisheng as a killing machine, Li Lianhua is the only one who sees him as a traumatized, very strong, amazingly strong-willed, but deeply wounded person.

Even when Li Lianhua knows nothing about Di Feisheng's past, he somehow senses this vulnerable part of him. And that’s also why he’s the only one able to recognize Di Feisheng in the form of a child.

And at times it feels as if there is a part of Li Lianhua that wants to shelter this big, strong and at the same time defenselessly sincere man from reality.

This special tenderness is even evident in the way Li Lianhua touches him.

Also, I think part of this caution is due to the fact that Li Lianhua is well aware of his potential power over Di Feisheng.

How... Li Lianhua could have broken Di Feisheng if he wanted, but he never wanted to.

But perhaps he fears that he will, eventually.

And also, as my friend very accurately noted, there is always a special distance between them, which makes them paradoxically closer than if this distance did not exist.

Because this is not a space of detachment - it is a space of mutual tension, like distance in dance

[junemermaid]

nobody asked but I've spent the last week thinking about this so here are my current headcanons for the lotus trio's sexual histories/inclinations (relevant to a fic I'm working on—the waveform may collapse differently later, you know how it goes). many acknowledgments to @neekerbreeker for the joint brainstorming and most of the best lines!! 💕

li lianhua:

perfect kinsey 3. does not discriminate re: sex or gender. up for most things once and twice if he likes it. recovering from a mild case of youthful fuckboy and has relaxed into that mendacious, easygoing charisma that charms people for the one night they mostly spend with him. easy on the eyes and not above using it.

however, the hardmode part is actually divining his desires. very into (h)edging as foreplay. like a cat, may need to be beckoned by feigning indifference. will change his mind halfway through negotiations and spook at being stared at for too long (this is not a no, he just likes the byroads. hope you're into a slow build over the evening).

on that note: has fucked, does fuck, will fuck, and the other way around. no fuss over his presumed masculinity. a fairly hassle-free lover once you're past the intricate pre-sex rituals. comes with his own mobile fuck pad and will be gone the next day. will make you (dubious) breakfast and let you pet his very sweet dog. you will never see him again. has successfully avoided any feelings for a bed partner for the last ten years.

fang duobing:

hmmmm probably a kinsey 5 or so. predominantly into guys but the right girl can get it. has kissed people but is actually waiting for the right partner. the jianghu's best-read virgin. has studied the ancient chinese fuck scrolls, the taoist lore, the full length of whatever courting etiquette applies. eager to put it into practice, but only with someone he likes.

his enthusiasm for theory mid-date may need to be gently restrained. will wine and dine you properly if given the least chance. will take instruction but you may need to wrestle him for it. dives into new challenges. service top tendencies. will bewitch you with his giant doe eyes when you least expect it.

all the flair and poetry of an educated young master, but innocent and maybe oblivious to innuendo. a bit of a bleeding heart in affairs of the heart. handle with care - and then with vigour. after all, mama did not raise xiaobao to be a cad or a quitter.

di feisheng:

does the scale go this high up? will see a naked woman and look away brusquely until she can find her clothes. sex is mostly diversion and stress relief to him, no feelings apply. (his sublimated homoerotic longing for li xiangyi definitely does not apply.)

fucks mostly strangers and never the same man twice. will tell you what he wants right out of the gate. the discerning partner may notice this is as much a performance as li lianhua's ducking and weaving. the patriarchal inclinations of the jianghu have slotted him, swordmaster and sect leader, into a mould he now lets himself fall into. some swoonier admirers never see the man under the facade. sends them out dishevelled and well fucked (as he's supposed to) and that is that.

in actuality, less of an unyielding stone-faced top than his reputation/infamy suggests. full of big deep feelings that have never found an outlet. trust issues the length of the yangtze. yearns to be known with all the ferocity of li lianhua trying to avoid the same. if you can survive giving him a sincere compliment he'll need three to five ancient chinese business days to think about it while brooding on a high place. duality of man.

[incohorace]

in my beautiful mind modern au mlc features li lianhua as like. an ex child prodigy like the girls in dance moms but a tiny bit older + maybe for ballet ? and he disappears and the rumour spreads that he died of cancer and everyone is super sad and someone founds a cancer research charity under his name (the xiangyi foundation) etc etc. but hes actually secretly alive and just got overwhelmed because of the toxic ballet culture. and now at 30 hes an attractive but apparently mediocre dance instructor whose circle of friends consists almost entirely of middle aged women trying to get fitter. meanwhile di feisheng is still doing professional ballet but never forgot his childhood rival li xiangyi who was supposed to audition for the same part as him but never did because he 'died' and di feisheng never forgave him for letting him have the part so easily. makes the dihua dynamic like 10x funnier because it turns out when they had their big rivalry they were like. 12. their voices hadnt even broken yet...........and fang duobing is like the one hot young man who just joined the dance class with all the middle aged women and he gets on with them so well that li lianhua physically cannot escape him.

[arctic-scorpio]

(finally gets around to making this post; long posts are scary... anyways)

did anyone figure out what the red robe / clothing / armor?? jiao liqiao was caressing in episode 5 was? it's been on my mind for a while now because we never actually see di feisheng wearing it

this is the robe in question from episode 5:

on a casual watch it looks like di feisheng's red mengzhu robes, but it isn't! for one, he's wearing the standard red mengzhu robes at the presumed same time as this scene is occurring (before, during the welcome back ceremony; and after, at the private waterfall with wuyan):

so it can't be hanging out with jiao liqiao too. I guess theoretically it could be an optional outer robe that's part of the same set? but seeing as we never see him wear it, I'm not so sure...? and the standard red mengzhu outfit looks pretty complete and imposing already, to me?

so, what is this thing? was it even di feisheng's in the first place,,? the best guess I've come to after mulling it over is that... it's his wedding outfit that jiao liqiao prepared in advance and had waiting all these years (!??)

okay, so. reviewing the clues we have:

at first I was thinking that the metallic shoulderpad things make it look like armor... the closest outfit we see with similar metallic shoulderpads would be this one:

from episode 5, just coming out of seclusion; + episode 17-18 official mengzhu business breaking out yanwang xunming 阎王寻命 from prison by crashing qiao wanmian & xiao zijin's wedding

but that's kind of neither here nor there. at least it establishes affinity with the jinyuan alliance mengzhu position. it's clearly got Official / Formal jinyuan alliance vibes to it, which would make sense. esp regarding how jiao liqiao sees him and her position in relation to him (in the alliance, as his subordinate)

okay, here's a bunch of wedding robes:

xiao zijin's, from episode 17

a-fei's ghost groom clothes, from episode 20

jiao liqiao's, from episode 38

they all have the same two long ribbon trimmings down the front, all the way to the floor. complete with matchy sleeve ribbon decorations. this is similar to the episode 5 mystery red robe's gold ribbon design...

compare some non-wedding red robes:

li xiangyi's sect leader robes (episode 12)

jiao liqiao's standard red outfit #1 (episode 5)

jiao liqiao's homey vibes red outfit #2 (episode 17)

jiao liqiao's murdery vibes red outfit #3 (episode 34)

thoughts?? opinions? more theories or any extra clues??

[outer robe for official mengzhu battle armor that never got used in the show? or stashed wedding robe for non-consensual wedding plans that have been in the works for potentially 10 years and counting??]

[qilingxiong]

in a drama that pays SO much attention to and is deliberate about giving each character a very distinct silhouette, it has been driving me absolutely fucking insane for several weeks now that some of jiao liqiao's outfits are cut like li xiangyi and li lianhua's robes.

you can see the visual similarities between jiao liqiao's most-worn outfit and li xiangyi in the general form of the robes, but particularly in the drape of the sleeves and where they fall open at the shoulders (sorry, i don't know the technical term). it's harder to see here but both outfits also have bracers that match the robes in a very integrated way and colour-wise, with the same fitting to the sleeves.

here, if not for the colours and material of jiao liqiao's outer layer, this would be something li lianhua would wear. the fit of these robes are the same. the pleats at the lapels even match. jiao liqiao is visually paralleled with li xiangyi and li lianhua, mirroring the man she's forever seen as competition for di feisheng. it's as though in truly every way, she's trying to replace him. maybe if she tries hard enough, di feisheng will finally look at her for once.

i mean hell, think about how even more interesting this scene gets— jiao liqiao's "i'm the victor in this game of love" moment— once you realize she's taunting li lianhua about having a place beside di feisheng while emulating the image of li xiangyi, the man di feisheng cannot leave behind. ("maybe you could still have had him now if you'd stayed like this. if you hadn't become what you are now. it's too bad i stepped in all those years ago, and so you're in this state, isn't it? i've won, li xiangyi.") mysterious lotus casebook already did a stellar job in everything else in establishing jiao liqiao and li lianhua as rivals for di feisheng, but this visual aspect just elevates some of these character interactions throughout the show.

[murderedbyhomework]

Following this knifey post from @peridot-tears, I did put this post in the reblogs but the video wasn't working so I'm also putting it here. Anyways thank you to OP for reminding me of this tidbit <3

I put the opening fight scene to play at 0.25 speed, and I think you can see that Li Xiangyi had a perfect shot Di Feisheng's back at this moment, and if he'd chosen to use the sharp ends of his sword here, Di Feisheng would probably be crippled if not dead, but instead he used the flat of the blade to smack dfs instead.

Following from OP's post, I do agree that in the end lxy wanted to kill dfs, but I think at the beginning both of them weren't aiming to kill. Dfs was fighting because he wanted the fight, and lxy was fighting bc he wanted his shixiong's corpse back so he could give sgd a proper burial. Here, lxy doesn't appear to actually want to kill dfs, and it's only until dfs pins him to the deck through his left shoulder and the poison flares up that lxy thinks dfs wants him dead, and therefore in his mind retaliates with the same lethal intent. As the audience, we're perfectly aware that dfs didn't poison lxy or kill sgd, but here lxy is operating under limited knowledge, and he doesn't have an omniscient point of view, so he thinks dfs was the one to instigate everything.

And in the end, I think that's what makes the donghai battle even more tragic. Even if lxy only went to fight dfs so he could give sgd a proper burial, I think both lxy and dfs kind of enjoyed themselves a little bit whole fighting, and both of them didn't want to kill each other under lxy had the poison attack+was incapacitated and thought dfs was out to kill him.

[xiaogesword]

when the mlc novel gave us 'this' scene and expected us to be ok afterward | part 1

Part 1 features a scene from Volume 1, chapter 16 - where Di Feisheng and Li Lianhua meet for the first time in ten years ~

Li Lianhua looked up and sighed softly, his eyes looking a little desolate and lonely as they shone in the silvery moonlight.

He turned around to gaze at the empty courtyard. There were several clusters of peonies there. At this time of year, only a few snow-covered branches were left. Nothing was attractive about them, but he still gazed at them.

He stood quietly in the courtyard for a long moment. Finally, he stepped to the side and turned to leave.

After walking slowly for about ten steps, Li Lianhua stopped in his tracks and turned his back to the flowers.

“Who’s here?” he asked calmly.

The courtyard had been empty just earlier as he stared at it, but now, standing there in the snow among the peonies, was a man. His hands were clasped behind his back, and it seemed as if he had been standing there for a long while.

“Your hearing is even better than before,” the man said flatly. His tone had no emotion like he was neither speaking to a friend nor an enemy.

“You were heavier on your feet when you landed… ” Li Lianhua smiled gently, “...Di Feisheng.”

Li Lianhua continued, “Even though you have taken the Weeping Guanyin, your injury from back then can’t be healed in merely a day or two. It's no wonder you don’t want to leave footprints on the snow, the sound of your movement could even be heard by peddlers and petty thieves.”

The man in the peonies was silent for a moment before he spoke.

"Even after everything that has happened to you, you're still the same Li Xiangyi after all."

Even though the man's tone didn't change much, there was no denying the sincere admiration in his voice as he spoke the words.

Li Lianhua chuckled, "Thank you. And you're still the same Di Feisheng after all. I thought there was no cure for your injury from our battle in the East Sea. How did you find out about the Weeping Guanyin? Human beings are so resourceful in this world."

Standing among the peonies, the man in the green robes and cloth shoes seemed a little surprised, "Your temperament has changed a lot over the years."

Li Lianhua smiled gently, "And yours hasn't changed at all."

Di Feisheng didn't answer.

~

(x.)

[acequinz]

Another thought on the modern au where FDB and DFS cultivated immortality and reunited with LLH.

Li Lianhua clearly does not seem to remember any memories from life before where he had lived and suffered with them.

Maybe it was the absence of those memories that made this Lianhua so callous and borderline mean.

"So are either of you gonna explain why you dragged me or are you going to stare at me for another half hour before following me to my house and murdering me in front of my cats?" Li Lianhua spoke, taking a big obnoxious sip of his boba tea.

"nothing like that, we just needed to talk to you because-" Fang Duobing stopped, trying to think of a reason that wouldn't send him running.

"is it a bet then?" Li Lianhua interrupted the pause, "you wanna see which one of you can get into my pants first for bragging rights?"

Di Feisheng huffed at that, "what kind of bet would that be? Utterly preposterous."

"oohh that is a big word, did not think you would have it in you. But then again I am too hot to be a bet" Li Lianhua nodded with a playful smile, he leaned over with his cheek on his hand and looked between them, "do you want me to be your third so you can figure out that intense needy heat between you two?"

"wha-”

"no-"

"why would you -"

"are you crazy- "

"okay that's enough, you are both cute enough so I will consider it." Li Lianhua exclaimed, sliding them his card and left them still stuttering over his previous words.

"he's different" Fang Duobing grumbled, rubbing his face still trying to grasp what had happened.

"Hmm not that much," Di Feisheng breathed out a simple adoring chuckle, the familiar buzz from years ago lighting up under his skin.

"I can't believe he just said that," Fang Duobing whined, letting his head rest on the table.

"he was always fast at clocking things like this” Di Feisheng hummed, patting the younger one the head.

"he was wrong though!" Fang Duobing shot up, "we already figured everything out!"

"mhmm but we still need him as our third," Di Feisheng added, looking amused through and through.

"aren't you taking this in too easy a stride?" Fang Duobing grumbled but agreed anyway.

"Li Xiangyi is Li Xiangyi always," Di Feisheng pressed a kiss to the side of his face letting it blaze up in redness.

"shut up! That's my Li Lianhua!" Fang Duobing pouted and snatched the card that was left behind on the table.

"they are the same person Xiaobao~" Di Feisheng drawled before getting up and following him.

[ahfeiandhisdao]

WIP WEDNESDAY 🥂 : SLUMBER

Highly inspired by artwork of @carduelis-art :

Slumber : A Way of Affection Ch 1 part 1

Pairing : Di Feisheng/Li Lianhua

CW : Mention of trauma, Violent flashbacks

As usual, A-Fei was perched on the railing of Lotus tower's second floor. As much as he hated being in the out, in the noisy swirl of bustling streets, Li Lianhua was determined to keep his cover on. Hence the mask on his face, hence keeping a low profile. He briefly scanned the people hurrying around and then his eyes was stuck back to the tower owner bickering for five taels of silver.

A-Fei snorted, only in last month he showered the 'Physician Li' with ingots of silver and gold by merely doing some 'work'. And he was met with Lianhua's continuous nagging about how this would totally blow his cover and how that smart kid will figure it out Di Feisheng's identity and what not. As if the Tianji manor's young master had the understanding of complexity or ability to connect the dots. How many times was it that he got drugged and abandoned on roadside by Li Lianhua? It is, simply put, hilarious.

"A-Fei!" The annoying kid was shouting again. He was always breathing on Di Feisheng's neck, trying to get on his nerves and leard to a fist fight. Who knows what he was upto now.

"A-Fei, go buy some meat for us and ask the butcher to pack some bones for Hulijing." He threw a silver ingot at Di Feisheng who caught it with two fingers, mildly annoyed.

He wanted to target the kid's head and smash the ingot down but no, if he did that, Li Lianhua would nag and scold him for at least three months. He can accept Lianhua's nagging for a life time but nagging *about* Fang Duobing? He would rather drown in a cupful of water. (Lies.)

"Buy it yourself." He throws the ingot back, stood up from the rails and idly marched inside.

"How disrespectful!" He could hear Fang Duobing blabber a hundred things. It was only a matter of seconds before he would start yelling about complaining to Li Lianhua.

"How dare you treat me like that, you egomaniac! Wait until Li Lianhua gets home! I'll settle this score with you! You ungrateful prick-"

And there it was. He tuned the noise off on demand. Something that he learned to do when he was only six years old. Comes in handy to ignore all those big mouths upfront.

‘What I don't hear, can't bother me’.

The first day he stayed the night in the lotus tower, Li Lianhua tried to make him share a room with that spoiled brat. That was not going to happen. So he stayed the night up sitting on the makeshift roof biting the urge to claim the tower master's bed instead.

He won't say he never acted on it. He often stood in the doorway to the tower master's room. His silk underdress fluttering around, untied and barely draped on his back. He hated the feeling of the fabric on his chest when he slept. It's a constant reminder of something moving around, crawling under his skin. The cool breeze would comfort him better.

But he would see the man curling on bed, coughing the life energy away, how his disrupted meridians would be in a tornado of the poison's attempt to take over once world's best martial artist. Di Feisheng wanted to laugh, at the irony. Of the shared fate of the hero and the villain of the same story. (Contd.)

——————————————

OK SO IT'S THURSDAY ALREADY but I wanted to post anyway. Continued Here↓ 💋✊🏼

[eirenical]

WiP Wednesday

I made it by an hour! A nod to @bbcphile who helped me figure out which scene to post and for always being super supportive. ^_^

This bit takes place after Li Lianhua has had a bad Bicha flare-up. He wakes up in Di Feisheng's arms and instincts overrides common sense for a little while before Di Feisheng puts a stop to the proceedings. This little tete-a-tete happens as part of a much longer discussion after that disaster.

[Other snippets posted, not necessarily in order.]

*

Silence returned, slipping between the cracks in the Lotus Tower's walls and stealing Li Lianhua's breath along with his will to fight one more fight.

"…I'm sorry."

Li Lianhua looked up, finally meeting Di Feisheng's gaze across the disheveled covers.  Flatly, he said, "…you're sorry."

Di Feisheng sat back, all of his limbs properly in their own space again, a wince dancing about his features as his hands found each other in his lap, an uncharacteristic burst of fidgeting capturing Li Lianhua's attention as completely as his words did a moment later.

"I shouldn't have—"

Li Lianhua overrode him, a bite in his words joining the flush in his cheeks.  "You shouldn't have what, Di-mengzhu?"

Abruptly, Di Feisheng was still once more, his undivided attention narrowing in on Li Lianhua's words.  "I thought we were past that."

Li Lianhua crossed his arms over his chest, turning to look out the window.  There was frost on the ground.  He'd have to get the rest of the harvest in and prepare to leave, to seek out warmer climates that wouldn't tempt the Bicha out of hiding so easily.

If Di-mengzhu would let him.

A soft growl laced through Di Feisheng's next words.  "Li Xiangyi…"

A snort.  "It seems neither of us is past that, then."

Li Lianhua could tell the exact moment when Di Feisheng considered reaching for him with injuring intent… and decided against it.  Li Lianhua can't handle rough treatment, after all.  Li Lianhua can't handle the simplest of chores on his own without help.  Li Lianhua can't do any of the things Li Xiangyi could do with such ease.  Li Xiangyi was an object of worship of admiration of desire and Li Lianhua was only to be pitied.  Li Lianhua couldn't bear that look one moment longer and turned away.  Quietly he said, "I'm going to ask you one last time, Di-mengzhu.  What do you want of me?"

"I've told you that already."

"To stay by my side."

"Yes."

"Just that and nothing more."

"Yes."

"That will be enough for you, will it?"

"Yes."

Li Lianhua shivered at the finality in that tone, arms raising to wrap around his own torso as he shook—from the cold or from something else, he could no longer say.  "What if that isn't enough for me?"

Li Lianhua startled at a sudden movement beside him, only settling when the fallen blanket was draped over his shoulders once more.  He pulled it tight, crossing the fabric over itself at his neck and tucking the ends underneath the blanket on his lap.  It helped, but not nearly as much as the furnace of Di Feisheng's body under the covers with him had.

Di Feisheng met his gaze and held it.  Like a moth to a flame, Li Lianhua couldn't look away.  "Then what, Li Lianhua, do you want of me?"

For a moment, their gazes locked, frozen in place as each held their breath.  The easy lie was right there, sitting on the tip of his tongue, ready to lash forth like a whip against this fragile moment.  Safe.  Protective.  Li Lianhua could cut his losses and run.  Right now.  He just had to say the words.

He couldn't say the words.

Instead, Li Lianhua gave in to the shivering, small thing in his chest that just wanted to feel warm, even if only for a moment, to the sheer unadulterated need that had fluttered through his stomach more times than he could count since Di Feisheng had walked back into his life.  And he said those words instead.

"I want you to want me the same way you wanted him."

"Him?"

"Li Xiangyi."