#and decided to draw this in like 30 minutes (you can tell) lmao

[ink--theory]

princess in the tower

[its-a-me-mango]

One simple question... How long does it took you to make your beautiful Arts✨ (+ maybe some time in sketches too?)

Ooooo that's a difficult one for me to judge, I am very much someone who will draw for an hour, take a 5 hour break, and then work for 10 minutes before deciding to come back to it the next day. It's a whole process and it's hard for me to time myself lmao.

I want to say if I worked start to finish with no breaks, it would take me around 1 - 3 hours to complete something but it obviously depends on what it is! I can easily do a headshot sketch to finish in about an hour, full bodies tend to take around 2-3 hours but they can be more depending on the complexity!

Again it's hard to gauge the amount of time I spend on each piece because I take a lot of breaks in between and spread things out too. I've been able to get a lot faster with my art which I'm very happy with, I used to spend hours just on a single sketch, so I'm glad I'm past that!

Sketches that I do for asks usual only take me about 20-30 minutes, again depends how complicated they are, I try not to spend too long doing them so I can get more asks done!

I also usually work across mediums so again, hard to tell, I like to sketch traditionally where possible and sometimes line as well, so that usually splits things up and makes it complicated.

Since I'm here, I'll share a few traditional sketches just to show what I mean, I usually reline pieces because I'm not the best at traditional work! Some of these I've never bothered to finish or line so, exclusive look at my drawinggsss

wait I have more

Also fun fact, a lot of my pixel stuff is just me playing around with my traditional pieces! I learned how to do it a while ago and I've loved doing it ever since, it's very easy to do and looks great! Obviously I like to touch up things and edit a few things here and there but it's still fun to do!

Anyway thanks for asking! It's taken me years to get to where I am now and I'm happy that it no longer takes me like 6 hours just to complete something, means i can do even more art hehehe >:)

[hermitw]

I've been thinking about this reblog of yours for months and I finally figured out how to respond to it.

I went and read No Longer Human by Junji Ito and it was a very upsetting thing to go through. I don't think I can read it again. However, I came out of it thinking that Gege was probably inspired by it.

When Yozo is first introduced, I noticed that Takaba's backstory was very similar. Feeling isolated from others, he decided to become a clown to gain acceptance from others. (Citations in Image Captions)

And later when Yozo was caught "cheating" (it's in quotes because those women are child rapists), I noticed that her face was really similar to the one Higuruma's client made when he felt betrayed by the trial outcome.

There's probably a lot more to say about how themes surrounding CSA and suicide in this work are echoed in JJK, but I'm not able to make the post myself. No Longer Human is too far out of my comfort zone in terms of graphic depiction to delve into it deeper.

But you seem strong enough to handle it, so... Idk maybe run with this some more.

Ohhh this is so interesting! I could definitely read No Longer Human again - tbh I read Junji Ito's version years ago. This year I listened to the audio book and bought a copy - but it's like, a draft in the author's handwriting (bc I thought it would help me study Japanese and if I had an English translation that I'd read it on repeat lmao). But you're real for that - I forget how disturbed people tend to be trying to read through it, I'm sorry that was rough.

I did go back to read the reblog and idk how relevant all that was - I've reread the manga since and felt like, oh I might have been misremembering some things like Uraume - idk if they actually had a freeze response in ch. 219, since they did tell Yorozu to back off though it took a minute - but it's also interesting how their CT deals with ice. Like to have a fight response, they freeze others? It's so interesting but I can't be sure whether it's there at all. (ik that yap II inspired some more coherent posts, like how it influenced Choso's self-image, etc., I linked but didn't tag you back then bc I felt Annoying especially w heavy topics but I can definitely go back and find them if you'd like.)

On a twin peaks note (without spoiling it), I feel like it inspired jjk to some extent - I've been feeling like the last chapter will end the way s2 did. Or at least - with the weird dreamy themes, "we are the dreamer who dreams and who lives inside the dream", etc...

But you're right - Yozo and the others' reactions resemble more jjk characters than I would think to connect. Takaba's jokes are truly a shield... And now I have an excuse to read Junji Ito's version again? Thank u so much (also isn't it funny how September 28 Uzumaki airs and September 30 jjk ends?).

I think gege gets inspired by the most tragic stories, I wonder how much of that is accurate but I can't always be convinced otherwise.... Especially when anime / manga series that he's confirmed as influences often deal with autonomy in ways that I couldn't handle (Evangelion, the night beyond the tricornered window).

By the way - ik we've mentioned elfen lied before, but in the first episode, you know that coffee mug? How it looks like jjk foreshadowing? Even has snail head Mahito - cut off-, the baseball, Panda, the worm (also cut off).... and later the newborn babies that look just like Yuuji...

I swear that elfen lied, Kagewani, and banana fish influenced jjk. It seems so obvious w those, maybe Vampire Princess Miyu as well.

Sorry for getting off topic - I've been looking into why Momotaro keeps coming up in jujutsu kaisen, and in the end it came back full circle to that damn coffee cup. Invest in a baseball team? A zoo? I'm going insane.

All this to say - rereading Junji Ito's version and seeing if I notice similarities between manga panels is so exciting. Gege even made a note that he asked for permission before drawing - I think it was the Uzumaki CT - So we know he's a big fan of Junji Ito. And it seems like there is a rly good chance No Longer Human inspired him as well (though I feel like characters with similar traumas having similar reactions is inevitable to some extent, if they're written in a believable way, it should be clearer when I'm reading both stories in the same format) based on the stories he has officially referenced.

[suddenly-frankenstein]

Hello! Fellow Frankenstein freak here! I have to ask, what's your favorite Frankenstein movie you've seen? Not necessarily the best one, but your favorite one. I made myself watch about 25 last year for reasons (that's as many as I could watch in one week for free, dating from 1910 to the early 2000s) and they're all so bizarre. I love talking about them so much, I love watching peoples faces when I tell them that one time Sting played Frankenstein, and in that same movie The Creature and his buddy are targeted by the Circus Mafia. Or how at least one version of Victor Frankenstein has an alligator pit. Or how Kenneth Branagh made Robert De Niro be birthed out of instapot and then they spend like 30 seconds slipping in Mysterious Science Goop before the plot continues.

TLDR; I don't know anyone else who is as obsessed with this stuff as I am and would love to hear your thoughts lmao

damn, my biggest problem is that I've watched so many of them few years ago, that I mostly don't remember anything :")

but I definitely have some that I still think about constantly!! maybe the first one and the most special in my eyes is "Frankenstein: The True Story" (1973), because in this movie Victor REALLY cared about the Creature and TOOK THE RESPONSIBILITY. he taught him things, he spent time with him – and when the Creature started to decay and lose temper, yeah, he decided to lock him, but Victor was going to lock himself as well so the Creature wouldn't be dying alone. and they even had a hug!! (still everything ended up terribly, but it was interesting to see this responsible version of Victor, not canonical book version, but also not usual movie mad scientist either).

well, speaking of classics and mad scientists – I love first two movies of UNIVERSAL's franchise, rewatch them from time to time. And within the Hammer's franchise I like the third (if I remember right) movie – "The Evil of Frankenstein", even though it mostly is called the worst of them all lmao. I just think it was funny and not annoying like the other. and I also LOVE the first several minutes of the first movie – "The Curse of Frankenstein" with the young Victor played by Melvyn Hayes, because OH HE WAS DEFINITELY SERVING. for me this young Victor was the closest to the book from all of the versions of him.

(I even did a funny edit of him once, here, lmao)

the most controversial version but I can't NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT – it's "Flesh for Frankenstein" of course (not even speaking about the plot, but god how I hate color correction in most of the 70's movies, these colors usually make me sick almost physically).

but well, uh, how the hell I was surprised when Udo Kier's Frankenstein turned out to look SO DAMN CLOSE to like I always draw him (I mean just give him another nose shape and he will look exactly how I imagine Victor) :") just hello??? DAMN

also want to mention "Terror of Frankenstein" (1977) movie, because they have an interesting design of the Creature here (finally black lips yaaay!) and sweet sweet Clerval (I hate that most of the movies are throwing him and Justine out of the plot :(( )

AND ALSO!! not movies, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE these adaptations – Frankenstein: the Metal Opera, 2014 (you can find its official record for free on youtube) and Frankenstein, the Royal Ballet, 2017!! I, personally, enjoyed them both very much

well, these ones are some of the movies I think the most about, I guess :")

really thank you for your question!!

[phantaemon]

artfight this year was, in terms of VIBES, utter dogshit

But at the same time it was the best artfight I've ever had. I've never gotten as many attacks before, just like I've never attacked as many people. I got so much more confident in my art and I genuinely had fun, and since I had improved even before it started I was able to get so many ocs on the platform, ocs that lacked art and that I wasn't confident enough to post on the platform before otherwise. They didn't all get art (most of it went to my sona lmao) but it's nice. Even got in a pretty high effort mass attack last minute- which was relieving considering everyone went paranoid about those in the beginning (for fair reasons sometimes)

I think just randomly selecting OCs from the recent page, and attacking mutuals was the best choice here.

This year's social media coverage was insufferable too. Some of my mutuals refused to join at all due to this, not just the odd tiktok trends and the entitlement, but also the "OH YOU NEED TO PREPARE 30 REFS TWO MONTHS IN ADVANCE, AND MAKE YOUR PROFILE LIKE THIS OTHERWISE NO ONE WILL ATTACK YOU! AND LOOK AT THE ATTACK RATIOS! AND DON'T FORGET TO POST THE CARD IN EVERY SINGLE SERVER YOU'RE IN! AND YOU NEED TO DO THIS THIS AND THIS BECAUSE I DON'T EVEN LOOK AT PROFILES THAT DON'T DO THIS AND THIS"

Oh my god. Way to discourage beginners from an event that's supposed to be FUN. I wasn't affected by this due to having enough motivation to draw on a daily basis for a while now, but artfight is NOT supposed to be stressful like that. YOU ARE MAKING IT STRESSFUL. Sit back. Upload one fullbody of your character, heck even a halfbody works in some cases, my friend has a character like that and she still got attacks. If you have a big, detailled ref, good for you!

You don't even need a profile besides your boundaries because unless you 1) subscribed to someone 2) attacked someone and they want to revenge you or 3) go out of your way to link your profile everywhere, people will NOT see it, they'll just see your character through tag search or recent and EVEN IF PEOPLE SEE YOUR PROFILE you only need simple boundaries which can be put in your character warnings ANYWAYS!

Same thing for OC profiles you can have literally the least amount of lore for your OC people will still draw them, you can even just link an external profile (with proper warnings) if you don't wanna copy and paste the bio and layout or something

Don't get me started about the ratio, caring too much about them is overly punitive and utter bullshit, you cannot keep up a 50+ ratio without burning out in most cases since you cannot control when people revenge you unless you're doing a chain or attacking 100% revenge profiles. Holding people to higher standards or refusing to attack people because of their ratio defends the entire purpose of artfight, and is, quite frankly, an asshole move.

To enjoy AF you literally just need to upload some random ocs and draw some random ocs. Now I know that not getting attacks feels like shit. But artfight is about giving first and foremost. It's the first thing you see in the beginner's guide. You give free art to people who MAY give you free art in return. It is free art. You are not entitled to it, though I wish everyone could receive something at the end of the day no matter what.

Do not look at social media. Don't join the discord unless you need server uptime/downtime info. And it will seem way more calm.

Artfight has not gone to shit this year. It's a loud part of the community that has. I may not be posting this with any # as to not start discource but anyone seeing this I urge you to take the positives and take a step back from everything else. First week was stressful as hell for me, until I decided to just draw as if no one was telling me to make my account and ratio perfect. As we may say "Artfight is fun when you don't have a bitch in your ear telling you to fix your ratio".

[seerofmike]

ask meme: 5, 6, 7, 13, 14, 20

5. Share one of your strengths.

everyone has always told me that i write invidiual character voices very well. i try to make narration and dialogue distinct and i think i do a great job!

my vantage is completely different from my crypto who is completely different from my octane, and on the surface octane may look like he'd share the same narrative voice as leo from rise but my leo rise voice is different from octane's and ohg i just love writing how different characters would describe things or percieve situations.

i do want to give a special shout out to my vantage from my mad science fic. i don't care for her character that much but writing her was so fun and judging by the reception i got from it when posted people really enjoyed her character voice too.

6. Share one of your weaknesses.

scene-setting, environmental description, action. god this problem plagues me when reading, writing, AND drawing. i simply cannot picture where characters are or what they're doing or how they're having this conversation, sitting down or standing up. in my brain, everything takes place with characters standing around in a white void until something happens in the environment. visually it looks like that one scene in coraline. you know the one

here's how my fic writing process goes. dialogue, emotion and feelings and shit, basic plot action like going to the next necessary location, or maybe a super important event, or the set-up and punchline to a non-verbal joke. then i go back and add like 1k-2k words of just...setting. description. action. response. reaction. physical action. THEN i go over it again for like actual editing and proofreading

i can give you an example right now of what i mean

everything highlighted here was not what was originally written and was added later so the scene would be more than just "he said/he said" and maybe it's because i'm the one who wrote it but like...you can tell it was tacked on.

i'm trying to get better at this and started drawing a storyboard for my current rottmnt fic because that one relies on action more than introspection and dialogue, but if u ever ask me to describe a location...girl i would need 30 minutes to think about it

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

umm...this one is kind of hard actually i don't really remember specific pieces of prose i write outside of dialogue!! if i had to pick it would be maybe this specific bit from chapter five of my simulacrum Crypto AU, Four Oh Three:

this is way more than a snippet lmao but writing this entire chapter was super satisfying with everything i'd set up so far. crypto not knowing if he actually felt attraction to octane or if his feelings were just the lingering result of his programming, trying to figure out what he could feel, IF he could feel, octane touching him and inviting him to touch him in turn, all the conflicting emotions that came with that.

i really felt at the time that it all really came together in a very drawn-out but deserved scene of intimacy (nearly the whole chapter?) after the result of like uhhh 30,000+ words of tension that i don't think i've ever really written before or since. i usually like to get straight into the dick in hole action lmfao but i was very satisfied and proud of myself for this one

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

so this isn't even writing advice it's programming advice LOL but several years ago i heard of rubber duck debugging in which programmers tell a rubber duck their code line by line until they realize what's causing them a problem. and ever since, for lengthy fics or things outside my comfort zone, i've described overarching plot details and invidiual chapters to either stuffed animals or my cat and if it sounds stupid being said out-loud then i usually decide it'd be stupid and nonsensical in a fic too and i change it up LOL

14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

controversial opinion maybe but i think telling people that every scene in a book should only serve the narrative/plot is STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!! books aren't movies, you don't have a runtime limit!!! i think you lose out on so much character and introspection and world-building by forcing every scene in your book to only be plot-relevant stuff. sometimes characters interacting with each other and doimg stuff in their world is just fun or interesting and that's all it has to be

20.) Describe your perfect writing conditions.

i have my headphones plugged in and am listening to my music. the chair is comfy and i can lean back but my laptop is on a solid surface. i am supplied endlessly with coffee and fizzy drinks. all is well

[nightroo]

May or may not have forgotten what I posted here myself months ago so the last post had a few repeats. oops.

Well I know for sure this one won’t because I stopped posting when I started the second semester, which is what this post is about. So the drawing above is the start of working with more complex shapes, using the ones we learned from last semester. This is also where things got interesting, since I could see the potential for architectural drawings.

There are a lot, and I mean A LOT of drawings like these in my sketchbook, I’m gonna show you only the ones I find interesting.

After that we went back a bit for cast shadows, which I have decided are my new mortal enemy in art. A long time ago it was rendering hair, but that’s nothing compared to this.

The amount of calculations you need to do for this and the different formulas for each shape make me wanna rip my hair off. And that’s before getting into more complex shapes.

They're not 100% correct but my teacher said the majority of people won’t notice anything wrong so I shouldn’t worry about it. I won’t until I need it for a personal project, then I’ll get very annoyed again.

After that nightmare I got rewarded with finally using colors to render for the first time!!! I love rendering with colors so I was very excited haha

The copper (right middle sphere) is my absolute favorite, and my teacher really liked it as well.

We also had a small lecture on arrows and ribbons/fabric and we got to render them with colors as well.

For all the colored drawings I used a combination of alcohol markers and colored pencils. The markers melted and blended the pencils and I could use this to mix colors I didn't have. For example, I didn’t have a red marker at all.

After that we had a fun exercise where we needed to either study an object or design our own. The purpose was to use the previous lessons about shapes in perspective, and the rendering of different materials. I went with a gun design, but not just any gun-this one is technically 3 guns, a pistol and an SMG that you can connect and form an assault rifle. So I designed each gun separately (somehow I managed to turn this exercise to designing 3 objects instead of one, leave it to me to make it harder on myself lmao), and thought about how they connect, making sure the chambers kinda align and stuff like that.

I don’t wanna brag but I got the highest grade in the class for this assignment. Mostly because I’m the only one that actually rendered the different materials (or tried to), but also because my teacher liked the idea and thought it was interesting, and something people would actually buy if it was real.

It’s not the best but I literally didn’t have a grey marker so I was pretty limited. I chose a stained-glass theme for some reason, I didn’t want to make it a normal looking gun. The scan made it a bit more contrast-y than it is irl.

After a huge break we came back and had one lesson of silhouettes, something I kinda knew but never went out and made studies of. The challenging part of this was the time limit, at the start we had a minute, but it went down to 30 seconds. We were allowed to go overtime but it wasn't considered good.

On the same lesson, we also had life drawing, using each other as models. We had to get the pose down in one minute, and then take that as a reference for a more detailed drawing. I chose to completely change the context at that point lol

The next lesson was about isometric perspective. I don’t think I’ve actually talked about this here, but I got scammed by a guy who asked me to make him a city island in isometric perspective, then when it came time to pay, he “took a vacation” for two weeks. Came back to tell me he’s definitely gonna pay me. Proceeded to disappear. Anyways I haven’t done isometric from that moment until this lesson, where we were given a prompt word and had to draw an environment following it. I used only colored pencils for this one because I forgot to bring my markers, but it was a nice restriction to only use 12 colors and try to combine them to make the rest. I really enjoyed this one since I got the freedom to make something cool.

(the prompts are top-to-bottom forest, COVID-19, underwater and space) my teacher walked up to my desk to see what I’m doing while I worked on the space one, and he said “you are crazy” every time he passed by. He showed everyone’s work around, and a lot of people liked mine :) The space one is based on a black hole btw, but if it was an eldritch horror.

The last lesson was a time for the teacher to review everyone’s work one by one, so most of the time we were waiting for our turn. He put up a pic of an old camera if any of us wanted to draw it, but I used it as a reference for a building because it reminded me of art deco architecture. After finishing that, I had an idea for a shrine kind of place, inspired by a spot I built for a friend’s minecraft server that we didn’t end up using. And I topped it off with Lykena and Eivrun sketches (that for Eivrun might turn into a full painting when it’s her turn)

The entire year my teacher was occasionally asking me if I’m not getting bored, because we were going through a lot of basics I was obviously proficient at already, but I always found something new to learn, no matter how small, even on topics I practiced a lot before. So I’d say this workshop was very useful for me. And besides, it’s always good to get critiques from a professional, and from people who are interested in art.

[ray-ray-writings]

hey hey I read the punz request you did, it was so good lmao reader screwed up challenging a mercenary it was the definition of Celebrated too early and im sk soft right now.

Im here to make a similar request, but not really? Basically a drabble (or imagine if it makes it easier) where the reader did something that she knows will make dream mad, and like we know how dream is so she runs and hides and dream is basically in the scary creepy hunter dream mode looking for her and then she finds her and scares her for a bit but at that point most anger has gone away so its like a lot of hot fluffines? 🐺

Love youuu, PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

God this is such a good idea haha. Like irl manhunt let’s go bb. Let’s jump in. 

Also, sorry I disappeared. I had a bad bout of writer’s block and just did not want to write lol. 

So you did something that made him mad. Probably something that he explicitly told you not to do. It was probably something as simple as, “do not open that chest” because it’s full of super important things but you were like “I’ll do what I want” and so you open it and accidentally break something and you try to fix it and hide it, but Dream finds it and he is pissed. He does his best not to yell at you, because yelling doesn’t solve anything he’s fought enough wars to know that. But he’s pissed and you are not taking this seriously. You keep brushing it off and telling him it’s fine and that you’ll fix it. Finally Dream snaps, his head snaps to you and he just growls out, “I will give you a 30 second headstart” and you have no idea what is going to happen but you don’t really want to stick around to find out, so you bolt and run out the door, giggling. 

We’re going to pretend that your backyard is forest. So when you bolt out the back door, you are running into the forest. You run and get as far in as you can, giggling the whole way before deciding that maybe, just maybe, you should be quiet ya know, so Dream can’t find you. So you slow down, stop running, stop giggling, and begin creeping around. You duck and hide behind trees, listening carefully for footsteps that are not your own. But you can only hear the wind blowing and birds chirping, natural nature sounds, but no Dream. Until…. “y/nnnnnnnn” his voice calls lowly, the low tone filling your ears and making you not able to tell where it is coming from. (Y’all remember that one time he calls “Georgeeeee” in a really low and drawn out voice? That’s how he calls your name.). It takes your breath away from just a moment before you gather yourself and listen closer for his footsteps to try and hear where he is, no dice. “Where are you, love?” Dream calls out again, his voice seemingly drawing nearer. You don’t respond, instead you carefully move from tree to tree, ducking and hiding behind all of them. You duck behind the biggest tree yet and let yourself quietly catch your breath and calm your racing heart. After you calm yourself, you go back to listening, and you still hear nothing from Dream… But now you notice that you no longer hear any nature sounds either… It’s dead quiet. You’re about to move again to try and hear something, but out of nowhere, you’re slammed up against the tree and now your boyfriend is pinning you to the tree, his hand resting right beside your head and his other beside your hip. Your eyes go wide as his face leans down and gets ever so close to yours. “Gotcha” Dream practically growls. A shaky breath escapes your lips as you stare into his emerald eyes, “So it seems you have.” You breath out, your heart back to racing. 

You two just stare at each other for a while, Dream’s eyes boring into you and your wide ones staring back. You don’t know what is going to happen, after all he was still probably very pissed at what had happened. Perhaps you should apologize. Before you could say anything though, you watch a bright grin appear on Dream’s face before he leans forward and presses a cute kiss to your lips. You’re confused, but you kiss back. “What was that for?” you question after he pulls back. “You’re lucky you’re cute.” Is all he responds before completely pulling away from you, leaving your breathless against the tree. It takes a moment for you to collect yourself before you snap back to reality, “Hey! Wait a minute!” you shout toward your boyfriend’s retreating figure. His loud laughter rings out through the trees, but he doesn’t respond and he doesn’t turn back around. Fine…. If that’s how he wants to play it. So be it. And so you begin to run after him. Hearing your footsteps, Dream smirks before also breaking out into a sprint… Game on. 

Bonus: So I meant to write this into the story but could not figure out where to put it so this is a little extra. 

So after you bolt out of the house, Dream takes a deep breath and counts slowly to 30 before stalking out of the house to chase you down. Anger was still coursing through his veins as he stomps after you. But as he follows you, he hears your footsteps and your giggles, and that anger just slowly fades out. And complete and utter adoration begins to creep in. He no longer is angry at you, well the thing you had done actually. He gets a little sad when your giggles stop, his favorite sound no longer playing in ears, so he decides it’s time to stop playing cat and mouse. He knows where you are, of course he knows where you are. He's Dream the great manhunter or something like that. (I’m sorry I’m a bit out of it if you can’t tell lol). So he slowly approaches you, making sure his steps are silent. He follows you as you duck from tree to tree and laughs to himself mentally that you think that that is going to work on him and that will actually lose him. You stop behind the biggest tree and Dream decides that’s it, that’s his chance. So in one quick motion, he moves around the tree and grabs your body and presses up against the tree. He moves one arm to beside your head and the other down to your hip before leaning down into your face. “Gotcha” he growls out. He almost melts at your face, god you’re so cute. 

And that is where it ends...That was trash but I hope you enjoyed! Again, sorry I kind of fell off the face of the earth… writer’s block is a bitch.

[sinkix]

~ Haikyuu!! Boys baking with reader - Ft. Ushijima, Tendou, Oikawa, Hinata & Nishinoya ~

YO! SO UHHHH... I’M BACK??? I GUESS?? MAYBE??? After a little break I had this in my drafts for a while and realllyyy wanted to complete it since it’s such a cute concept. Honestly at this point my posting frequencies are so sporadic and random pls forgive me lmao.

@deathcab4daddy​ gave me the inspo to include Ushi and it was so funny coming up with ideas for him, he is no.1 country boi chef 

Dude I’m listening to the Mario Kart soundtrack ‘Coconut Mall’ while I continue writing this someone save me. Like u think I’m joking. UR WRONG.

Ushijima:

The most straightforward yet idiotic baker you will ever come across.

Before you even THINK about performing step 1, he will read the entire fucking leaflet like it’s a Shakesperean monologue.

INGREDIENTS INCLUDED.

LIKE SIS I DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW IT CONTAINS  MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE THANK YOU.

I’m surprised he doesn’t count every single particle in the brownie mix.

You bought him a frilly cupcake-printed apron stating ‘best wife’ not expecting him to actually wear it

But since he’s secretly a big softie and treasures anything you buy he wears it proudly.

His stoic and dignified disposition is a comical contrast to the words printed on the front lmao.

Ushi best wifey bro.

The tight fit of the apron is pretty hot since it outlines every ridge of his pecs and tightly toned torso.

Gotta resist groping your mans while stirring the brownie batter.

tbh he’s more likely to grope you, he can’t resist that a$$.

And let’s face it he’s def an ass/thigh kinda guy.

Can and will try to casually initiate some form of unholy activities by lifting you up onto the kitchen counter, goading you to slowly lick the spoon and locking gazes before pulling you in for a deep, open-mouthed kiss to get a taste of the incomplete creation himself.

Ushi’s lips and brownie batter are a knock-out combo js.

Literally has the most serious face when he’s cracking the eggs into the bowl

The amount of concentration is equivalent to that of when he’s performing a serve at match-point.

HAS to set the temperature to the EXACT degree stated on the box

Everything is done by the book if you do one thing out of place he will pull you up on it lol.

“(Y/N) you were supposed to stir it for 5 minutes, not 7.”

When its done you feed him some and he can’t help but smile its so ADORBALE AHHH.

You end up eating most of it since Ushi doesn’t strike me as much of a chocolate/junk food lover.

STILL A VERY FUN BUT F R U S T R A T I N G EXPERIENCE.

Tendou:

The complete opposite of Ushi

Does everything wrong and the unconventional way.

Absolute disaster but doesn’t even sweat it since Tendou basically thrives in chaos and the disorderly.

To him instructions are purely equivocal, will read them for five seconds then toss them away.

Step aside Gordon Ramsey, Chef Tendou is here.

Despite doing everything the unorthodox way it still comes out amazing.

Like??? how???

Will cheekily place a dollop batter on your nose then lick it off fh3jkeffefds

Or if he’s feelin’ a lil freaky, he’ll swipe it off with his long ass finger and make you suck it clean, smirking at your submission as you coat his finger with your saliva.

oop-

Constantly cracking jokes and shitty food puns, pretending to drop the bowl to make you go into preemptive cardiac arrest before you can swat him with the spatula.

While you’re waiting for the timer to ping, Satori being the schemer he is will use this as an opportunity to pull some fuckery and tease you in any way he can.

u better be praying like bodhisattva TanaNoya rn because he is MERCILESS.

Suggestive comments, the brush of his fingers against your thigh, it’ll leave you A C H I N G in frustration by the end of it.

Unholy activities aside, once your baking session is completed you finish it off by feeding PHAT forkfuls of brownie to each other and giggling like dorks when it gets all over your mouth.

The jackass actually got a fingerful and SMEARED it over your cheek and forehead, drawing a little cross and snickering when the crumbs fall onto your nose.

Tendou was smart to draw a cross bc he gonna need jesus with the ATTACK you launch on him after that, which promptly leads to an all out food war in your kitchen that neither of you want to clean up after ward.

Don’t worry though it’s Tendou, he’ll somehow find a way to make such a mundane activity fun.

Nishinoya:

stirs WAY TOO VIOLENTLY

IT’S LIKE AN ELECTRIC WHISK ON OVERDRIVE.

IT WILL SPLATTER OVER THE COUNTER, CUPBOARDS AND EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR WITHIN A 1 MILE RADIUS.

You best believe he will try and eat some of the batter and you have to swat the spoon away from his mouth since he has NO REGARD FOR THE FACT HE COULD GET SALMONELLA.

Plus you know what Noya’s like once he starts eating something the whole thing will be gone in a matter of milliseconds.

He somehow managed to get Baking powder EVERYWHERE and even gave him self a little moustache with it.

The white substance kinda looked like something else but you didn’t really wanna say lmaooo.

could explain why he has so much energy all the time oK ILL STOP-

While you’re putting the mix on the tray he is SO extra and will do fancy lil swirls and over extend his arm like a swan to gracefully spread the batter

until he nearly fucking knocks it over.

During processing time since he is so excitable and impatient you best believe he’s gonna suggest a game of ping pong or something because my guy can well and truly never sit still.

ping pong match with the spatulas, kitchen island and a hard boiled egg.

Pls be careful he will rolling thunder that egg and pimp slap it so hard with the spatula it’ll damn near give you a concussion, not intentionally, but like protect your noggin. Wear a helmet.

For the remaining 5 minutes of baking time y’all just sit like kids in front of the oven and watching it rise like starved hyena’s observing it’s pray before demolishing it into sad particles of cocoa.

And lemme tell u, once the timer pings, that baking tray is free real estate for Noya. Half of your creation will be devoured before you can even put it on a plate and marvel at your handiwork. 

He kicked your ass at spatula ping pong btw I’m sorry sweaty but short kings stay winning.

Oikawa:

Such a dramatic bitch like he got the whole she-bang going on.

Strapped with a pink apron, a whisk at his side and standing proudly with both hands on his hips.He is prepared like a greek gladiator going into battle.

You better believe he gonna make some snarky remarks and tease your method of doing things. 

“Ah-ah-ahhh (Y/N)-chan you’re doing it all wrong, let me show you how a PRO does it.”

Proceeds to drop entire bowl on his foot and yelp like a little girl in pain.

Well and truly embarrassed with himself, you put a band-aid on his toe and he piped down after that.

Shattered big toe and mixing bowl aside, actually a really good baker??

He is a PRO at decorating, y’all decided on cupcakes since its literally his forte to make them look aesthetic and pretty.

You almost don’t wanna eat them from how good they look.

jk almost

You take it in turns breaking bits off and placing pieces into each others mouth with a loud “aaaaaahhh!”

Places a piece in your mouth, leans forward and locks lips with you in a soft, passionate kiss before pulling away and uttering the words “It tastes even better coming from your mouth ;)”

hnnnNNGGGGGGggGg.

You both whine and bicker over who cleans up after.

“You cleaaannnnn!”

“no Toru YOU clean!”

“but I made the cupcakes look pretty :(”

“not as pretty as you <3″

He did the cleaning after that.

Like just stroke his ego with some compliments and he’s whipped with a smug grin on his face for the next 30 minutes.

You decide to save the rest and bring them to his next practise.

Literally on the verge of tears when he sees you beaming and holding the platter of treats, Kiyotani mauls half of them in a matter of seconds to which Oiks gets salty over LMAO.

Hinata:

So excited oh my god he’s so precious please protect him I will CRY-

Has a little sunflower apron on and JBJKNDDDKDW IM SMILING JUST IMAGINING HIM FIDGETING IN EXCITEMENT OVER THE THOUGHT OF BAKING COOKIES.

Yes you decided on cookies bc he goes rabid for some choc chip biccies.

You have to guide him v carefully because of how easily confused and clumsy he is.

Cannot for the life of him crack the eggs without getting a quarter of the shell in the bowl so you have to do it instead.

Has a surprising amount of strength and forearm power bc holy shit boy can stir FAST.

Hums a little tune while he does it and bobs up and down with a wide grin on his face it’s so adorable, he has such a gentle singing voice I can’t-

Attempts different shapes with the batter when pouring it onto the tray but fails pretty miserably lol.

he tried ok???

Once they’re done he takes the tray out of the oven and since it was heavy, subconsciously propped it with his knee and nearly dropped the entire tray from the pain. (I’ve actually done this before when making chicken nuggets I do not advise being that brain dead)

Had to put some burn cream on the bbies knee :’((

When you decided to dig in, he handed you a cookie that looked like a crooked circle and said he tried to make that one a heart and insisted he feed it to you.

Blushed VERY hard at the moment of silence and intense eye contact while he fed it to you.

Nearly short circuited when his fingers brushed against your lips.

Moe moe x100000000000000000000000000000

You offer to do the cleaning after because he hurt himself and you didn’t wanna make him do any work, but he still offered to wipe the surfaces for you bc he’s an angel <333

literally just wanna marry him.

[pumpkinpaix]

HI! I'm new to the MDZS fandom and I fell in love with Suibian, but you don't see it that much. I seen somewhere that it would burn out a weaker core and I cried cause I wanted to see that, and as far as I know it doesn't happen anywhere. I'm wondering if you could tell me anything and everything you know about Suibian. I'm starving for anything about it

hi anon! ahahah, it’s always a dangerous thing to ask me about “anything and everything” on a topic because I usually have too many thoughts, most of which are unorganized. but! if you’re interested in that, then here we go!

First, re: your comment about Suibian burning out a weaker core: I am not aware of this theory (or is it something from an interview?? if someone knows, please say so!), but if it brings you joy, then it’s certainly an interesting one to consider! Unfortunately, I don’t have much more to say on it because I’m unfamiliar with it, but I do have quite a lot to say on some other Suibian concepts!

ask and ye shall receive (a very jumbled heap of thoughts as i spiral further and further out of control):

[all rough translations are mine, and thus all mistakes are mine. I am using the version of the novel that is available on luoxia because I can’t be bothered to go flipping through my print edition ahaha.]

the questions about Suibian that interest me the most are why it sealed, when it sealed, when Wei Wuxian began to wield it again, and what that might all mean. I’m going to be talking about novel, CQL, and audio drama canon all together, because I think looking at each canon alone and in combination can raise a lot of very different points!! (I have not watched the donghua or read the manhua yet, so forgive me, I have nothing to say about them. /o\)

So! the one piece of information that we’re given consistently throughout all three of the canons is that Suibian was sealed after Wei Wuxian’s death and that no one but Wei Wuxian himself (and Jiang Cheng, by proxy) could draw it from its sheathe. Thus, Wei Wuxian’s identity is revealed and the golden core swap comes to light. Wei Wuxian is surprised by this, and asks Lan Wangji, “Did it really seal itself?” (novel, chapter 63; CQL, ep 42; audio drama, S2E15).

The novel and audio drama both include a line from Wei Wuxian that emphasizes Wei Wuxian’s surprise, implying that sword-sealing is very uncommon:

万中无一的大好事竟然让我给撞上了

Something incredible that happens less than once per ten thousand times, and I actually encountered it.

the irony, of course, is that this incredible thing is what ended up blowing his cover. rip Wei Wuxian.

but what I think gets really interesting is comparing different points at which Suibian sealed itself and what that might imply in conjunction with other information. Jin Guangyao says “shortly after” his death, but CQL includes a scene in episode 19 that implies that Suibian actually sealed itself much earlier.

[ID: Gif from episode 19 of the untamed drama. Lan Wangji attempts to draw Suibian after he and Jiang Cheng storm the Nightless City and retrieve their swords. He cannot pull it from the sheathe. /end ID]

(in case anyone is curious, it’s about 30 minutes in. I spent the effort to make the gif, so I might as well give you the timestamp lol)

this scene takes place during the period of time when Wei Wuxian is in the Mass Graves (aka the Burial Mounds) after Wen Chao cast him down and left him for dead, right near the beginning of Sunshot. I’m fairly certain it’s not mentioned in either the novel or the audio drama, so this is a CQL-only detail. (please correct me if I’m wrong; I get my canons muddled all the time //hides face)

CQL basically does nothing narratively with this scene other than giving us some sad shots of Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng (honestly, valid ;A;) but!! if we decide to accept this scene as our jumping off point, we can get to some interpretations about Wei Wuxian using information from the other canons!

take this exchange from chapter 57 of the novel (immediately prior to the massacre at lotus cove):

江澄道：“还不是又为咱们的剑的事去温家了。一想到我的三毒现在说不定被哪只温狗握在手里，真是……”

他面露嫌恶之色，魏无羡道：“可惜咱们的剑还不够灵，要是能自动封剑，那就谁也别想用了。”

江澄道：“你再修炼个八十年，说不定可以。”

Jiang Cheng said, “He’s gone to the Wen sect regarding our swords again, hasn’t he. Whenever I think that my Sandu might even now be in some Wen-dog’s hands, ugh…”

His face filled with loathing, Wei Wuxian said, “What a pity our swords don’t have enough spirit. If they could seal themselves, then no one could even think about using them.”

Jiang Cheng said, “If you kept cultivating for another eighty years, maybe.”

from the novel, it seems clear that sword-sealing is something that only happens when a person’s cultivation level is exceptionally high. if this is true, and we go with the CQL timeline of Suibian sealing itself long before Wei Wuxian’s death, it means that Wei Wuxian’s cultivation level wasn’t just high, it was leagues above pretty much anyone else when he was still a teenager. (In fact, Suibian had most likely already sealed by the time this conversation takes place.)

If we don’t go with CQL’s timeline, however, I think we could make a very different argument. It’s a bit of a reach, but I think it’s a lot of fun, if you’re willing to come with me on this journey!

Jin Guangyao says Suibian sealed itself “shortly after” Wei Wuxian’s death, but we don’t really have external confirmation of that. For all we know, someone only bothered to test it sometime after his death, and Suibian had been sealed for some indefinite amount of time. All we can say for sure is that by some point shortly after Wei Wuxian’s death, Suibian was already sealed and resisted being drawn by anyone who tried it.

We’re told over and over that one can only wield a spiritual sword effectively if you have a golden core/the spiritual energy to match it. Wei Wuxian stops carrying/using Suibian because he knows that in his hands, it will act as nothing more than an ordinary sword. His method of cultivation is no longer suitable for the sword. Suibian is tied to both Wei Wuxian’s soul and his golden core.

If sword-sealing only happens when the cultivator’s level is unbelievably high, then I think we can make the argument here that by the time of his death, Wei Wuxian’s core was likewise unbelievably strong – but Wei Wuxian is no longer the one developing his core. Jiang Cheng is.

I know it’s a ridiculous reach. To be clear, I don’t think the text actually intends this or supports this in any meaningful way, but I do think that it gives us some very tasty potential!! If Suibian sealed itself sometime after the core transfer (which, honestly, we wouldn’t know – after all, who’s been trying to draw Wei Wuxian’s sword?), but just if, I think we can plausibly make the argument that Jiang Cheng’s cultivation is truly extraordinary.

:DDDDDDDD

It’s fun right?? It’s a fun concept!!! Even if it’s nonsense, even if it’s not that deep, even if this was an unintentional coincidence, I think it would be interesting to look at this as being some kind of measure of Jiang Cheng’s accomplishments. On the flip side, I also think it’s very important thematically that Jiang Cheng’s value as a person has nothing to do with his cultivation, that he is, in fact, always second-best, but that doesn’t make him any less worthwhile or deserving of love. Maybe I’m just projecting lmao. Of course, being extraordinary doesn’t preclude him from still lagging behind Wei Wuxian–Wei Wuxian might have just been more extraordinary ahahah. We can have both!!

Now for a totally different thing! Interestingly, this conversation about cultivation levels and sword-sealing (the one with Jiang Cheng) also happens in the audio drama, S2E12 (about 15 minutes in, since I just checked), but Wei Wuxian adds an additional comment:

(don’t have the transcription of the original chinese, I’m just going to translate it as I hear it)

“But maybe you don’t need to cultivate to a certain level to have your sword seal itself. What if there were some other way?”

these two versions of the conversation actually imply pretty different things, I think! this addition opens the possibility to the audience that sword-sealing is possible even without an extraordinary level of cultivation, and I think lends credence to the idea that Suibian is just an unusually loyal sword, regardless of Wei Wuxian’s cultivation level. Whether that’s something inherent to Suibian’s “personality”, or whether this says something about how Wei Wuxian inspires loyalty wherever he goes, or whether it just speaks to the strength of their bond remains to be seen.

(obviously, this could imply any number of other things as well, but I find this to be the interpretation that makes me happiest.)

If we go with “Suibian seals itself after Wei Wuxian’s death” in this canon, I think this emphasizes the loyalty aspect with a touch of grief.

If we combine this with CQL and have “Suibian has been loyal since he was a teenager”, that also emphasizes the loyalty aspect – just in a different way.

Of course, doing meta combining unique details from different canons is largely pointless in terms of crafting any real “analysis”, so I’m mostly saying all of this because I enjoy the process of building the supercanon in my head that brings me the most joy! To summarize the varied interpretations I’ve brought up in this post:

CQL-only: Suibian sealed itself when Wei Wuxian was a teenager, at latest, by the time he was thrown into the Mass Graves.

Novel-only: Sword-sealing is very rare and achievable only through extraordinarily high cultivation. Shortly after Wei Wuxian’s death, Suibian is discovered to have sealed itself, so Wei Wuxian’s core, by the time of his death, was extraordinarily powerful.

Audio drama-only: Sword-sealing is considered very rare and achievable only through extraordinarily high cultivation, but might also be accomplished by other methods. Shortly after Wei Wuxian’s death, Suibian is discovered to have sealed itself. If Wei Wuxian’s core is not wildly and improbably powerful, this implies that Suibian has become an exceptionally loyal sword by the time of his death.

CQL/novel: Wei Wuxian was already incredibly powerful by the time he was a teenager.

CQL/audio drama: Suibian has been exceptionally loyal to Wei Wuxian since at least his teenage years.

Novel and audio drama-only have a much wider range of when Suibian could have sealed itself, as mentioned, so there are further variances within those interpretations.

there’s a lot of potential here!! with my personal feelings regarding the story, I like novel-only with Suibian sealing post-core transfer, audio drama-only with Suibian sealing post-Wei Wuxian’s death, or CQL/audio drama with Suibian sealing as a teenager pretty much all equally. I think the CQL/novel interpretation gets too close to casting Wei Wuxian as a hyper-special and innately noble individual in a way that undercuts the strength of his character arc, but that’s my opinion. (As an aside, this is actually one of my major complaints about CQL in general, independent from what I’m talking about here. But that is a topic for another day ahahaha. To be clear, I still love CQL very much, despite my many frustrations!)

As for what I think is the most “likely” to be the “right” interpretation (whatever that’s worth), I would probably say the one that emphasizes Suibian’s loyalty with Suibian sealing post-death, because I think it’s the most thematically cohesive and has the textual support to back it. (I think it’s a valid interpretation even using novel-only text; it’s just slightly less explicit without the additional comment from Wei Wuxian.)

A final detail:

We don’t get anything from either CQL or the novel that explicitly addresses when/if Wei Wuxian is able to wield Suibian again, but the audio drama’s rendition of the “Yunmeng” extra very subtly indicates that by the time that extra takes place, Wei Wuxian has cultivated a golden core and is carrying his sword once more. You only get it at a couple of moments, but Suibian sometimes clinks when Wei Wuxian moves or when he bumps into something. The two instances I can remember specifically are when Lan Wangji tosses the ring onto him (the ring hits Suibian), and when he’s rowing the little boat onto the lotus pond and the motion makes a sound. It’s!!! Extremely good!!! It makes my heart very full!!!!!

ANYWAYS, if all of my scattered rambling didn’t fill the Suibian-shaped hole in your heart, I would also like to recommend @zeldacw‘s wonderful WangQingSuiChen series of comics, featuring anthropomorphized versions of Wangji guqin, Chenqing, Suibian, and Bichen. I believe the most recent comic is here, and there are links to the rest of the comics in the post. If you just want her general tag for the AU (which is more than just the comics), it’s here!

If you have interest in listening to the audio drama yourself, you can purchase it through the MissEvan app (Mao’er FM). There are buying instructions linked in this post! If you need English subtitles, @suibiansubs is the group that does them. :)

I really can’t recommend the audio drama enough, tbh, it’s really really dear to my heart, and the team clearly worked so hard and cared so deeply for the story they were trying to tell. Consider this my regularly scheduled plug for the audio drama ahaha.

As always, my meta is my meta and if you don’t vibe with it, that’s chill! I change my opinions constantly (I think I changed them like three times in the course of writing this ahahaha), and I know some of my older meta has been making the rounds and every time I see it I think about all the ways my views have shifted since I wrote it rip. For this post moreso than usual, I want to emphasize that pretty much all of the meta included in this is meant to explore intriguing what-if possibilities, not for serious literary analysis purposes. I am aware that a lot of this is reaching/overinterpreting into implications that probably aren’t there. I just think they’re fun to consider!

so this was a mess, but I hope you or someone out there enjoyed it anon!!

(ko-fi, if you’re so moved)

[trashbinbackyard]

jack/mirad & kai/helvi

I woke up at 8 and went like eeeh i can sleep another half an hour and them boom, 1pm

1. Who's the one who's reckless and always getting into trouble while the other gotta pull em out

Mirad has grown past his most reckless tendencies, Jack however hasn't, but he's more at danger to himself than to others

Kai is very careful when he's out hunting and he's never alone. Helvi however has a habit of going into the woods alone

2. Who's the one to send the other "I love my gf/bf" memes

I don't feel like either?

If they had phones it'd be Helvi

4. Which one spoils the other more and do they ever get competitive to show the other more love

Mirad spoils Jack, lets be real, it doesn't turn into a competition bc it's in moderation, and mostly Mirad treating Jack to some of his skincare products

Kai miiiiight spoil Helvi juuuuust a bit, he doesn't mind getting up way earlier to fix her breakfast and help her tie her hair and acquiring many fur blankets

5. How many years did it take to get married or was it just not for them

A few years for sure, when they both were sure about it. Probably talked about it too before Mirad proposed

Few years, if wasn't for Kai's role in the village they would've gotten married later, as neither really saw marriage as That important and just something they one day would like to do.

6. What was their wedding like

Small, just closest family and couple friends, nothing extravagant for the middle aged men

Whole day event basically with everyone from the village and surrounding area invited (against Kai's best wishes), Weddings, and especially high profile weddings like that are few and far between and they're quite the event. Small ceremony but then a huge feast with dancing singing and general revelry

7. Is their friends/family supportive

Ellen is very happy for them both, Mirad's parents were wary but approve later on, Marda is still sus about Jack

Very much so, Kory pretty much pushed them to get married already, Kat when she finds out is very happy for them both. Helvi's parents are so proud and treat Kai like close family

8. How does one comfort the other when the other is in distress/having a panic attack/crying

Mirad talks to Jack gently, checks if he hasn't hurt himself, bring him a snack and drink. When Mirad's distressed Jack will ask if he can do anything and keep him company if he lets him

If Kai's in distress he tends to shut down and all Helvi can really do is keep him company and hold him. If Helvi's upset Kai will call a timeout and just go somewhere with her where she can calm down and talk things through

9. Which one dissociates

Jack mostly

-

10. Which one stares at the other's booty like "damn" and how does the other react when catching them

Both. Mirad would be more cheeky (hehe) in his reaction while Jack is like "my booty?? :0"

Helvi. Kai blushes

11. When they live together what kinda place do they live in? What does their home look like?

Both had their separate places, where Mirad's was very neat and organized and Jack's was a whole mess. Jack would still keep his place as a workshop while he pretty much now lives with Mirad, where he learns to respect the house rules

They share a two-story chief's house with Kory and a garm, they have the whole lower level to themselves pretty much, and it's quite big, it's very cozy and bit cabin'y even if it's larger

13. How does each act when getting drunk

Jack's a sad drunk, first thing Mirad knew about him tbh. Mirad doesn't drink if I remember correct

Neither of them want to get Drunk drunk, just tipsy. Kai loosens up and gets chattier. Helvi gets giggly and cuddly

14. Which one rolls over in the morning to wake up the other one just to give kiss them

Beware the morning breath. Mirad wakes up before Jack

Kai doesn't wake Helvi up when he leaves the bed to go prepare breakfast, but when that's done he will kiss her goodmorning

16. Does one have an interest the other think is weird but wants to listen to it regardless

Jack likes welding for fun too, he's made some little "art" pieces for Mirad with textures he knows he likes, and Mirad appreciates it. Mirad's big into working out and Jack will be out of breath in two minutes if he joins but it's a pleasant experience

Helvi loves making potions and instruments and while Kai knows little about either he's up for helping her if she asks, she also sings. I know this seems kinda random bc I just know thought of it, but Kai's into drawing with charcoals, it would be fitting for his "quiet kid with not many friends" character (it hits a little too close home lmao)

17. Which one uses cropped hentai as reaction images

That's very much up Jack's alley

If they had phones, Helvi

18. Does one of them kinkshame the other

Not kinkshame, more like kink-concern on Mirad's part like "Jack, honey, WHY do you wanna be choked that hard"

Neither of them have really out there kinks, though Helvi would be up to do it in the woods. Just have to be extra careful they're far enough from any civilization

19. Is one of them self conscious about their body? If so how does the other comfort them

Jack, he's pudgy and wrinkly. Mirad doesn't mind it one bit and calling Jack a sexy beast on the regular makes Jack happy and less ashamed of his body

Helvi used to, before trans-your-gender spell hit, (and bc she basically got to decide what her body would look like of course she has no regrets) Kai is very body-neutral about himself, yeah that's a body, nothing special but ain't nothing wrong with it either

21. What is their song? Like the song that gives them overwhelming feelings?

Well I have listed Silent storm for them once and you know what, I stand by it

From Heilung Traust and Krigsgaldr (first half of it anyway), both were big inspirations for Helvi's character in general and Maria Franz is her voiceclaim too lol (also the guy on krigsgaldr second verse for Kai's voiceclaim (before 4.40 mark))

28. Are either of them mentally ill, if so how do they help one another cope

Jack is a recovering addict, also depressed, and alcoholic (recovering when they get together). Mirad is also an ex-addict and while he's much further into his recovery he's not immune to the shitty stuff that still might happen, they're each other's peer support

Helvi used to have bad dysphoria

29. Does one have a spot on them where they would melt when the other kisses them there

Head, forehead for Jack (and lips of course) he's not that big into getting kisses on his body. Mirad is sensitive everwhere but IIRC neck and sides are big

Helvi's wrists and neck just below her ears. Kai's throat and forehead

30. Do they dance together

Mirad poledances, Jack enjoys the view

At their wedding sure, both lil tipsy and letting loose, both lost their flower crowns that evening

31. Do they sing together

More like hum if they feel like it

Helvi's the one signing, Kai might join in on a verse or two

34. Are they a reckless couple or safe

Pretty safe with the occasional reckless on Jack's part

Safe

35. What be their kinks and do they try each other's kinks

Love and Care, and choking

They're pretty vanilla

37. Do they get into fights often? If so what do they fight over and how do they make up?

Arguments sure about Jack's self-destructive behaviors sometimes but the rule is never go to sleep angry so they both reflect on it with compassion

Not really, at least before The Incident, apologize and kiss and make up

38. Which one's top, bottom, verse

Mirad's a top, Jack is a pillow princess vers

Kai's top, Helvi's bottom

39. What kinda sex they be having (gentle rough whatever)

Whatever they're in the mood for, some tender lovin'? Sure! Get hot and heavy? With moderation. Break into laughter in the middle of it? Silly is also a mood!

It starts off as hot and heavy but calms down to more gentle

40. Who would fight in honor for the other if someone would insult them

Jack would just hit them with the "don't be meeeaaan 🥺🥺" Mirad I feel like would go the verbal route as well but more stern

It's common knowledge to Not insult the village shaman (the one who has illness remedies and the one who blesses you before you travel), and you DONT insult the the chief's kid/chief. They're both capable of defending themselves but Kai will step in if he happens to hear

44. Do they want kids

Nah, who needs kids when you got nieces

Yeah, and I've finally made up my mind, they're gonna adopt a bunch (and bc you dropped out of the campaign I can tell you how: a village not that near but not that far gets attacked by a power hungry druid and leaves bunch of kids without parents and the party will escort them back to Kai's village, before they go after the druid)

[creampievampire]

Could you go into the difference between the subtext and queerbaiting in it, I'm still kind of -well it's obviously gay but nothing was really ever said or shown that says that expect for people talking about it- Like are the characters and their relationship just queer-coded (positivly ofc lol) but the baitiness comes from them sort of confirming it off the show?

of course! im assuming by ‘it’ you mean merlin, but rather than explaining the reasons why i think bbc merlin is a matter of subtext (or queer coding) and not queerbaiting, i think it would be easier and more productive to explain the difference between the two in general. they are very similar - which is why i think a lot of people are unable to tell the difference between them - but they have important differences

just a warning, this is going to be a LONG post lmao ive bolded exactly what each term means below, after which i go into more detail on the whole issue. this is something im passionate about so,,, ♥

queerbaiting specifically refers to a marketing technique in which creators hint at but dont actually depict a queer character or relationship. They do this in order to attract a queer audience with the suggestion of a character or relationship they can relate to, while also avoiding alienating their queerphobic audiences

queer coding is the subtextual coding of a character as queer through the use of things like metaphor, allegory, hinting, recognisable traits/stereotypes/experiences, etc. This is done to build believable characters and create more complex plot lines, and it is also regularly used by people who want to tell queer stories but are unable to do so explicitly. it CAN be used negatively to enforce damaging stereotypes, but that is just a small part of its usage

both of these things utilise subtext in order to work. subtext is not only a crucial part of the creation of any piece of media, but is impossible to avoid.

an example of the most basic types of subtext is when a character tells someone that everything is going to be okay, but you can tell they dont believe it. or when youre watching a story unfold and you suddenly connect the dots and realise whats going to happen before its explicitly stated - you used subtext and the hidden meanings and hints to figure it out!

the people involved w a piece of media create their story with a specific purpose or meaning in mind, and they construct the subtext of the story to reflect that purpose/meaning. HOWEVER, the viewers dont always see things the same!

your experiences and personality shape the way you view and interpret every piece of media you consume. if you hate cops youll see the insidious undertones in cop shows - if you grew up with an abusive parent youll see the biting implications in a characters dialogue that others find innocent - if youre queer you will search for and fine queer characters everywhere, regardless of the creators intentions

now, both queerbaiting and queer coding use subtext to function, right? so how do you know which is being used and whether or not its a bad thing? its all about intention

to give a specific explanation of the difference im going to use two examples that are (arguably) very similar in the way their queer characters became canon

example 1: adventure time featured the characters marceline and princess bubblegum, who have been forever depicted as a couple in fan content. their interactions in the show were read into and latched onto bc we saw ourselves in them and we saw it as positive queer rep. but their relationship was never explicitly discussed during the course of the show and was only confirmed at the end of the final episode.

that makes 10 seasons in which their relationship existed only in subtext, and when it did finally exist in canon it was only for a few minutes, if that.

example 2: supernatural featured the characters dean and castiel (lol) who have been depicted as a queer couple pretty much since the first episode cas appeared in. i personally hung on their every interaction, analysed every glance between them, bc i interpreted deans character as a parallel to my own childhood trauma.

cas joined the show in season 4, so that makes 11 seasons in which him being gay existed only in subtext, and when it was confirmed he was immediately cut out of the show. the exact nature of dean and castiels relationship still remains in subtext.

so why is it that adventure time is widely considered perfectly fine but supernatural is dunked on as being the poster boy for queerbaiting?

its bc adventure time involved queer creators and was an earnest representation of queer characters, but they were boxed in by their publisher, Cartoon Network and thus the only way for the relationship to exist in the show was through subtext.

supernatural, however, consistently neglected their queer character and employed transparent tropes and stereotypes - bringing him in just sparingly enough to keep queer audiences interested while never being gay enough to alienate their macho manly man queerphobe audiences. they would have dean and cas stare into each other eyes for a full 30 seconds and then almost immediately follow it up with an episode about dean banging a disposable female character.

so imho adventure time falls under queer subtext, and supernatural falls under queerbaiting

when it comes to a show like bbc merlin i see a lot of debate about whether or not its queer coding or queerbaiting, and my intention is not to convince you of either. merlin was very much a product of its time, and i have argued the same about seasons 4-6 of supernatural as well, before the queerbaiting escalated and became exhausting to me

the purpose of this post is to start giving you the information you need to analyse any piece of media and come to your OWN opinion as to whether or not its queerbaiting or whatever else

people will ALWAYS have differing opinions about this shit yall. i have debated so many times w so many people about where the line is and whats okay and what should be ‘cancelled’ and if consuming something deemed problematic makes you a bad person or not

and my conclusion?

if youre capable of acknowledging the flaws and issues w a piece of media without trying to defend it as a shining beacon of purity simply bc you like it, then you do you. enjoy whatever you want to enjoy - if i think its reprehensible i simply will never interact with you lol

at some point everyone has to stop regurgitating these generic woke speak cancel culture speeches and buzzwords and formulate their own opinions

my advice to anyone reading this is to learn how to do close reading (ill provide a link to a wonderful short guide on it in a reblog bc tumblr hates links) and start really considering where you draw the lines with all types of content. decide for yourself whether merlin or supernatural or adventure time crosses the line into content you cant stomach, but respect other people whose interpretations differ from yours

i know a HUGE amount of people think supernaturals confession scene was homophobic and toxic - a slap in the face - but when i watched it i saw myself reflected in dean. a repressed bisexual whose emotions had been stunted by lifelong trauma, who wasnt ready to face his feelings for cas but quickly realising that his chronic avoidance and fear was about to tear them apart possibly forever. to me it was tragic and beautiful, and i loved it

i also think merlin is a tragic and beautiful love story, and to me its a pivotal piece of queer media that changed the way i viewed love and made me believe that it was a possibility for me bc i related so deeply to arthur

i hope that you can draw a satisfying answer from this, anon, and i apologise for this post being a full essay lol but i believe it needed to be said  - i dont think there is a right or wrong answer here

[clearsky]

My Top Comfort Characters/Kins and My Main HCs For Them

(Note, not all my kins/comfort characters are on here, just the ones I have more than 5 hcs for)

CW: Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3), Himiko Yumeno (DRV3), Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA), Kyoko Kirigiri (THH), Tsuyu Asui (BNHA), Entrapta (Spop), Ibuki Mioda (SDR2), Celestia Ludenberg (THH), Funtime Foxy (FNAF), Peril (WOF)

Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3)

Nonbinary

He/They pronouns

Autistic

Chains and loose accessories are for stimming

Likes the feeling of silk and cotton

Can't stand the feeling of anything rough or bumpy

He likes collecting small trinkets and the bones of small mammals

Can't stand anything salty. He'll eat it but he certainly won't enjoy it

Dating Rantaro

Can flirt, but only if he doesn't try

Petnames are a hell yea

Gets sunburnt really easily

Group dates with Celesnaegiri and Ikuzono

Can't cook for s h i t

Had a scene kid phase in middle school

Went to the same middle school as Celeste and Maki

Knew them when Celeste went through her "I'm not like other girls" phase and Maki was a Band Kid™

Himiko Yumeno (DRV3)

Female

She/Her pronouns

Lesbian

Can force herself to fall asleep within seconds regardless of where she is

100% forces herself to fall asleep when she doesn't wanna listen/talk to someone

Himiko/Angie/Tenko relationship. I'm calling them the Traffic Light Trio

She likes taking naps in the forest

She prefers enclosed/tight spaces more than open ones

Has several hundred stress balls and squishies laying around

She overheats easy

Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA)

Questioning his gender, but goes by any pronouns

Knows he's Asexual, at least

Has no clue what his romantic orientation is though

The kind of person to carry treats in his pocket just in case he runs into a cat

Will stop to pet literally every cat he comes across

Great at reading people

Doesn't talk unless it's 100% needed

Hangs with Tokoyami, Jirou, and Denki most often

Aizawa has 100% unofficially adopted him

Fosters kittens

Not a big fan of physical touch

He is 100% in the bakusquad. Anyone who says he's in the Dekusquad is a c o w a r d

He and Tsuyu vibe

Knows a bunch of random facts

Dark humour? Dark humour

*skates backwards into his therapist's room slowly sipping from an absurdly huge cup of coffee* Candice you're not gonna BELIEVE the shit I just went through

In case I forgot to mention it, he skates

Kyoko Kirigiri (THH)

Mtf

She/Her

Bi with female preference

Burns go up to her shoulders/collarbone/chest

Prefers to just listen as opposed to saying anything

Knows a ton of random trivia about everyone else in her class

She keeps a notebook she fills with all the trivia

Doesn't celebrate her birthday. She just doesn't see the point of it

Doesn't hate sugar/sweets, but if given the choice she would choose literally everything else

Cuts her own hair

A cat person

Permanent dark circles

T-Tall 😳

Like,,, 6'1 at LEAST

Only person taller than her is Yasuhiro (6'3)

Canon no longer exist

Ahahaha healthy life habits? What are those?

Can't handle horror games

She's the kind of person you'd go to if you needed to rant but didn't want any advice

Polyamourous yo

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

She's a dom yall are just scared to admit it

Tsuyu Asui (BNHA)

They go by They/Them

Lesbian

They and Ochaco are dating

They like to hang with Shinsou

Which mainly just means the two sitting in one of their dorms in near total silence doing whatever

Can speak English and French as well as Japanese

Learned English from cartoons

Picked up French bc they thought it'd be fun

Prefers to stay neutral in the whole Bakusquad / Dekusquad thing

They're invited to all outings/events by/for both squads

They like puns

They're a dumbass but willingly, and for fun

Like "someone says they like dark humour and they'll turn off the lights before telling a joke" kind dumbass for fun

Great at poker

Likes Disney Movies

Very touchy once you get close enough

Not in a sexual way, just likes physical contact

Especially fond of piggyback rides and cuddles

Extreme fear of needles

Entrapta (She-Ra)

She/Her or It/Its

Doesn't bother trying to figure out whether she's cis, trans, nonbinary, or what

Was AMAB though

Short as fuck (4'7)

Strong as fuck though

Cuddle game strong

Physical touch is a fuck yes

Cuddles

Piggyback rides

Hugs

Anything where she's touching someone is wonderful in her book

As long as she's the one that initiates it

Anyone else touching her without her permission makes her freak

Prefers being high up

Makes it harder for anyone to sneak up on her

An ace at video games

When it comes to sexuality she just says she's Questioning

Ibuki Mioda (SDR2)

Any pronouns + Pup/Pupself + It/Its

No idea what their gender is otherwise

Biromantic Asexual

Just likes sexual jokes

Gets distracted easily

Has severe hearing problems

She's plays her instruments as loud as possible, with the amp right next to her, without ANY ear protection

It's caused some damage

She talks so loud bc she has no idea how loud is considered acceptable

Wears hearings aids most of the time

Several piercings and tattoos

Likes hearing things jingle

She has a bracelet with a few bells hanging from it

She'll shake it whenever she's bored

LOVES hair accessories

Ribbons are a particular favourite

Occasionally she'll hang little charms from her hair "horns"

The kind of person who never takes any pills/medicine bc she keeps forgetting she has to

Frequently uses emojis

Skates everywhere but she isn't very good at it

She keeps crashing into everything

Has broken every bone in her body at least 3 times

Most of which was bc she keeps trying to kick in doors and skating down the stairs

Celestia Ludenberg (THH)

Nonbinary

Any pronouns, mainly goes by She/They

Bi, 70:30

Collects mini hand sanitizers and can tabs

Has single handedly gotten Mario Kart, Mario Party, Monopoly, Uno, and Clue banned a grand total of 17 times (and counting)

The kind of person to purposefully target someone regardless of what game was being played

Favourite victim is Byakuya (bc he gets so upset about it and she finds that hilarious)

Mains Waluigi

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

Has several banned Twitter accounts bc whenever she's bored she'll start discourse on purpose

Hangs with Korekiyo, Ibuki, Byakuya, Yasuhiro, and Leon most often

It's a weird friend group but everyone's sorta gotten used to it

She and Byakuya gamble together occasionally

She tries to avoid it bc he'll willingly blow his entire fortune in an attempt to beat her

Autustic

Can't stand the feeling of water

Mainly bc she can't swim for shit

Horror movies? Hates them

Gets flustered super easily

Taka is her twin brother

Kotoko, Kokichi, and Gundham are their half siblings (Same father)

Peko and Toko are their cousins

She sucks ass at go fish

Fuck canon she's 4'11 now

C h u b b y

Freckles

Once she gets comfortable enough with herself she dyes her hair in the peekaboo style

Either black and red or black and blonde

Haven't decided yet

I'll be doing Celesnaegiri hcs as a seperate post but I just feel it's important for you to know that she expresses her affection verbally and is a very touchy person

Went to middle school with Maki and Korekiyo

Has horrible eyesight

She wears contacts most of the time but she always puts off buying more

After the 5th or so time she ended up blindly stumbling around a week after her contacts ran out Kyoko convinced her to buy glasses as well

Religious accessories yo

Like chokers and dangly earrings with crosses and pentagrams and shit

Likes wearing wacky earrings

Can run and do all sorts of tricks in heels

She and Mukuro are exes yo

Keeps her hair short so it's easier to manage

Hair never gets longer than her shoulders if she can help it

She seems like the kind of person who'd keep her bangs grown past her eyes regardless of how frustrating or inconvenient it is

She's a sub yall just don't wanna admit it

Funtime Foxy (FNAF)

I'm going on the record to say this

Funtime Foxy is genderfluid and that is that

Goes by Funtime

Any pronouns, They/Them most commonly

Plays music (keyboard and guitar mainly)

They and Funtime Freddy (Freds) mainly play with the kids

Freds mainly tells stories with Bonbon while Funtime more so plays one-on-one

Has nicknames for everyone

Circus Baby - Ringleader

Ballora - Bells

Funtime Freddy - Partner

Bon Bon - Bun

Peril (WOF)

I like both Nonbinary She/They Peril and Mtf She/Her Peril

They're both such good concepts

She's a lesbian, Harold

She only had a crush on Clay bc he was pretty much everything she was supposed to like in a guy

Gimme a moment while I force all my mental disorders onto this poor child

Autistic, Anxiety (Social anxiety, mainly, but she has most types), Adhd, PTSD

I'd like to reiterate yet again that She's a lesbian

Sunny and Glory were her gay awakening

Peril in Book 1: Damn, Sunny and Glory sure are pretty. Anyone would be lucky to date them. Clay would probably go for them over me. He would be stupid if he didn't. I myself would willingly date them over someone like me. They're just so pretty :(

Peril waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of arc 2: WAIT-

Rarepair alert but Peril/Sora

Peril meeting Sora: "Hmmm She's attractive. I would love to date her. Too bad I'm straight and in love with her brother lmao :P"

Peril, a mere month later, waiting for Ruby to leave Jade Mountain, pacing in her cave, running face first into a wall: WAIT-

I remember reading this one amazing story where Sora taught Peril to read/write and Peril found out she set off the bomb and comforted her/convinced her her run so that's canon now

Btw if anyone can remember what that story was called/what platform it was on and could tell me I'd appreciate it very much

I'd even be willing to draw a character of your's or make you an icon or something

I usually don't accept requests bc I get burnt out easy but this is a special case

She runs into Sora again sometime between the beginning of TOP and the end

I like to imagine she just goes wandering around

Anyway she confesses like a mere few minutes after running into her again bc Peril is just subtle like that

The actual confession takes 15 minutes and the entire time Sora is just sitting here like "👁👄👁 sure"

Bam Peril/Sora

Peril plans to keep it a secret for a little while longer but she spends 3 seconds around Clay and pretty much blurts it out

Clay, who wasn't even aware that Peril was a lesbian, is just "👁👄👁"

I wanna say Clay doesn't know what a lesbian is but in my canon Sunny is a lesbian so Starflight has already told him

Anyway he's super supportive

From that point Peril is sorta open about her sexuality?

Like, she gives Clay permission to tell the rest of the D.O.D bc she isn't about to risk being in front of them when they hear the news

(When Sunny starts actively seeking her out as a hang out buddy and Tsunami, Glory, and Starflight appear to tolerate her presence just a bit more afterwards she pretends she isn't confused by the change)

She's pink, white, and blue bc I said so

If you look at a certain angle in the right lighting her eyes, mouth, fire, and under her scales all look purple

But her fire is normally white and blue bc I said so

Also she pale as fuck bc in my canon their fire just sorta burns their colour away

You know how you leave something outside for too long and it gets sunbleached? Where it gets all washed out?

Like that but more extreme

By the age of 10-12 firescale dragons are just white with pale eyes

That's right not even the eyes are safe

Ram horns :P

I'm also fond of Peril/Sunny

Or maybe Peril/Sora/Sunny

But Peril/Sora is the main thing

On the topic of that bringing in my hc that if one sib in a sib group is fire resistant all of them are

She,,, She can change her scale colour

But only slightly and only if her emotions are strong enough

Bc I don't give a fuck about Darkstalker's scroll we were robbed of hybrid Peril

Unfortunately all of Peril's emotions are strong

Rainwing ruff along her head and neck

It's like a hood

It's mainly smoothed to her sides but when she's startled it flares out

RAINWING PUPILS

Y'all will know what those look like as soon as I get off my ass :P

She,,, She can mimic bird cries

Hates the summer

She has more than enough body heat already and the outside is just hot enough to add on and make her feel sick

She can somewhat control her heat but most of the time it's based on her emotions

It can go from standing-in-the-middle-of-a-burning-building-cant-see-your-nose-smoke-is-so-thick heat (Strong emotion) to Hey-thats-a-nice-cozy-campfire heat (Calm/"weak" emotion/Sleeping)

I'm just gonna make a different post with all my Peril hcs cuz there isnt enough room for all of them here

[arhvste]

a cute lil coffee date w tsukishima bc i love the way you write stuff 👁👄👁 thats it, thats the request HAHAHHA

aw thank you anon <3 🦋✨

TSUKISHIMA KEI - WINDOW DRAWINGS

summary - the rain is an inconvenience and you and tsukishima find yourselves finding shelter in a cafe where you bond over more than just talking - fluff

warnings - none

this one was a lot of fun to write too lmao 

3PM and the rain had decided to hammer down with no mercy. You stood there with a blank face next to your boyfriend who was glaring at the rain as if to scare it off.

Other students were rushing about to get home to shelter but you didn't particularly feel like going home straight away today. Your parents were visiting your aunt and uncle and had left you alone for the next 4 days. Your original plan was to go to the park and sit by the ducks.

This was somewhere you’d usually visit and sometimes you’d even bring Tsukishima along. You didn’t mind having him there, but from time to time the blonde would insult the ducks calling them various names and pointing out their flaws leaving you slightly concerned and confused. Tsukishima was capable of insulting anything and ducks had been swiftly added to his list apparently.

“Come on.”

“I don’t want to go home yet.”

“I’m not taking you home yet loser.”

“Okay four eyes.”

Tsukishima grabbed your hand and moved quickly trying his best to keep as dry as possible. His long strides had you practically running to keep up with him on the slim sidewalk.

“Not everyone is the size of a lamppost, slow down would you!” You complained as you struggled to keep up with the boy.

“I prefer to not get wet and be sick but if that’s your thing go ahead, let go of my hand and go at your own pace.”

You rolled your eyes and managed to keep up with your boyfriend as he practically dragged you to the safety of shelter. Looking up to see where you were, you realised Tsukishima had brought you to a quaint little cafè. The warm lights on the inside looked welcoming and the windows steamed up from the condensation. Looking in, it didn’t look like too many people were inside.

“You coming in or shall I tell the waitress to take your order outside with all the bugs and frogs?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m coming.”

Immediately the warmth engulfed you as you stepped inside. The smell of caffeine and pastries invaded your senses as you visibly relaxed. Tsukishima noticed and gave a small smile. It disappeared as quickly as it appeared though.

Leading you over to a table for two by the window, you observed the surroundings of the cafè and had decided it was probably one of the places you’d have to revisit soon. Tsukishima sat down while you stared down at your chair.

“Ahem! It’s the gentlemanly thing to do to pull out a ladies chair for her.” You sassily remarked to which your boyfriend scoffed.

“Let me know when you find a lady so I can pull her chair out.”

You huffed and pulled your own chair out and sat down while your boyfriend sent you a smirk.

Shortly after getting comfortable, a waitress approached the two of you and took your orders. You ordered F/F (i don't wanna order for u guys just in case any of u have allergies or don't like what i force you to order lmao) and your hot drink. Tsukishima ordered strawberry shortcake (ew) and a cappuccino. Service was quick and your orders arrived swiftly.

The food and drink brought comfort to you both as the previous shivers from the cold rain were replaced with a wash of warmth and relaxation. It didn’t take either of you long to finish your condiments.

Now full and ever so slightly dozy, you reached across the table and took Tsukishima’s hand into your own, lacing your fingers together. A light blush dusted his cheeks as he turned away.

“Aw, is my cute little Kei embarrassed? ~”

“Dating you is already a big enough embarrassment. I don’t think it’s possible for me to reach any new levels of it.”

You snorted and glared playfully at the boy as you let your other hand move towards the fogged up window. Your index finger delicately drawing small patterns onto the glass. Then you had an idea.

“Kei, look it’s you.”

The said boy turned towards the window as his face twisted into one of annoyance.

What he was looking at was a drawing he could compare to a preschoolar. A wonky oval was messily drawn and Tsukishima could just about make out the lopsided glasses and angry expression on the face.

“Apparently I’m not the only blind one between us.”

“Kei, it’s a good drawing whether you deny it or not. Until you do a better one I want you to shush.”

So Tsukishima did just that. He glided his finger over the wet glass as you watched and feigned a hurt expression.

“That’s just uncalled for.”

“I even drew a little heart because I’m just that nice.”

You snickered and turned to face the window again. If Tsukishima wanted competition he was going to get just that.

-

It had been 2 hours since entering the cafè and the majority of that time had been laughing and window drawing with the blonde.

The pair of you had made it your own competition to see how much one could make the other laugh with the ridiculous drawings decorating the window panel closest to your table.

“Poor Hinata and Kageyama, what did they do to deserve this?”

“Exist.”

“And why would you draw Hara-san from class 3? We don’t know him.”

“He looks ugly and smells disgusting, therefore he gets on my nerves.”

“Kuroo and Bokuto would be thrilled with these portraits.”

“Most accurate drawings yet I’d say.”

The two of you bonded over your humour for ridiculing others but it was all in good fun (well on your part anyways, you knew Tsukishima was just naturally spiteful).

You gave it another 30 minutes before the rain cleared up and the majority of the window had been littered with childish drawings. Looking proudly at your teamwork, you decided it was a good time to head back. Admiring your work one last time, Tsukishima paid the bill and took your hand in his as he led you home to eat a proper dinner.

The rain had initially agitated the two of you, being a big inconvenience but, walking down the peaceful street laughing with your usually snarky boyfriend had made it all worth it.

EXTRA

“We’re gonna have to clean that.” One waitress gawked at the full window of drawings.

“Oh shush. I’ll do it, I don't mind. The couple that drew it were stupidly in love, it was fun to watch them.”

“I hope neither of them consider art as a serious career though.”

[sneezingpotatoes]

Merry (LATE ASF) Christmas xD

Over a year late, but... You know?😂😂😂 I come baring gifts! xD Gotta keep my word no matter how long it takes lmao

Okay so I got my ex-best friend to draw Draco for me xD LOL She’s vanilla and doesn’t know about my kink so I had to kinda sneakily ask her to add the blush and stuff lmao BUT FOR THE MOST PART, this is my OC Draco xDD She did a good job with it! That’s him feeling all sickly in the story xD I might get her to draw my other OC’s too! If you want her to draw for you too or see what else she drew, her instagrams are: @ixreikoluxi and @ixreiko_luxi ((Just dont message her anything kinky LOL but she does do commissions on anime art!)) Also I tried new things in here... And there’s a lot that be happenin in this fic so hopefully it’s a good read lmao xD 

ANYWAYS MERRY (LATE ASF) CHRISTMAS AND ONTO THE FIC XD I think it’s around 15k words OvO ENJOY

December 23rd

 A soft murmur slips past Draco’s ears through the darkness of sleep, earning a sleepy snort and a shift on the couch from the sleeping drunkard. The murmur wasn’t loud enough to fully wake the hungover excuse of a man resting on the couch, but it did plant the seed of a weak headache into his temples from the lingering alcohol flowing through his veins.

“...co ... Draco! Wake up, please.” 

The gentle shaking of his arm causes Draco to slowly stir awake. The rugged man lazily blinks a few times, trying to get his eyes to focus through the dim light on the face hovering above him. He winces as he’s greeted with a sharp churning in his stomach from his heavy alcohol consumption the past few days, cursing at the situation entirely.

“Shit. Wahtimeisit..? Wahdoyouwant?” His voice was deep and groggy from sleep, words slurred from his mind and mouth both sluggish and still trying to register and function at the thought of being awake so early.

“It’s 10 ‘till 6am. I need you to do the Christmas shopping for me while I’m at work today.” The gentleman firmly instructed. Shit. He had forgotten about that. The rugged man audibly grunted, rubbing the sleep out of his tired eyes. “I left the shopping list and some money on the table. Do not forget about it, Draco. I mean it.” His voice was strict and bold, leaving a mark on Draco’s deafened pride. The gentleman locked the door behind him and was gone before Draco could even attempt to respond. 

“Could’ve at least turned off the fricken light, jeez.”

He groaned, dreading the long day of shopping he had ahead of him. Every time Reuben had asked him to go to the store for him, it was always at least a four-hour endeavor, seeing how Reuben always had items on the list that he had never heard of, and the nearest shops around his area were all unheard of and he had no idea where any of the items were. Even if he did go shopping on a regular basis, he was sure that he would still be lost in each of the supermarkets. Christmas was in two days, so that meant that everyone was out and about, doing their last-minute Christmas shopping, just as he was about to, seeing how he had waited nearly a month to even think about the list. Yeah, Reuben had warned him about this multiple times, that’s why he had made the list ahead of time, but Draco didn’t care. Well, he didn’t care until now. The rugged man cursed to himself just thinking about the long shopping list and having to deal with crowds of people. Why did he have to do all the damn shopping, anyway? ‘It’s not like you do anything all day, anyway. You just lay around or go to the bar and get drunk. The least you could do is help out around here and go to the grocery store.’ He could hear Reuben’s nagging voice already engraved into his memory. They’ve had this conversation once before, and Draco hated to be reminded of it. He sighs, shoving away the memory and slamming his eyes shut, trying to return to the peaceful slumber that he had been rudely awoken from.

4 hours felt like minutes according to Draco as he was rudely pulled out of sleep by warm licks to the tip of his nose. At first, he shoves the clever feline back away from his torso and rubs his freshly licked nose, sluggishly trying to go back to sleep. Absinthe returns a couple of seconds later, gently sitting on his chest with a soft ‘meowrr’ that makes the rugged man bat an eye at the creature.

“Jesus Christ, cut it out, will ya!?” The man grunted, remembering that he was supposed to feed the feline two hours ago, and that he probably wouldn’t hear the end of it with Reuben when he got home. She speaks again, hopping onto the floor and stretching outward near her food bowl. “Alright, alright already. Shaash, I’m goin’.”

Brain still foggy from sleep, the rugged man brought himself to his feet, releasing a loud, well-needed yawn that forced his jaw to slack all the way open as he headed into the kitchen, feeling the patient feline watching his every move. He takes the can of cat food from the cabinet and sluggishly places the food in the bowl, having Absinthe instantly begin to eat the protein packed meal.

“You’re welcome, little bastard.” He mumbled as he watched the feline scarf down the mushy substance, gliding a gentle hand behind her ears. “Must be good, huh?” It was odd. Draco normally judged Reuben for speaking to his feline like an actual person, but it was actually quite soothing to say the least, as it brought a wry smirk to his face. Obviously, he wasn’t going to tell Reuben that. The black cat abruptly stopped eating and peeked her head at the man crouched directly behind her, purring when he rubbed the right spot. He gave her one last rub before getting up to grab a change of clothes.

He called an Uber after taking a decently long, hot shower and eating a slice of cold, leftover pizza from the fridge for breakfast. Reuben was the only person with a car around here and he had taken it to work today, so he felt that an Uber would be the better option at least. The rugged man scoops the money from on the table into his pocket, grabs the shopping list and heads outside into the freezing winter air.

***

The sky was a nice dark gray, not doing the sun any favors with providing any warmth or sunlight really. There was a cold, gentle breeze that would occasionally brush through his dark black bangs and hug his neck and chest, forcing him to pull up his short jacket collar as much as he could in order to shield himself from at least some of the coldness. This would be one of the moments that he missed his trench coat and fedora the most. Reuben had made him throw the old things out entirely and get a completely new wardrobe about a week after he had moved in. He couldn’t complain; he didn’t much care about having to wear new clothes, he just wanted to keep his fedora and trench coat if anything. The sound of car tires sloshing in a puddle of rainwater catches his attention as it appears to be his Uber driver. The driver waves at his direction, beckoning him to come over.

“So, where we headed?” The uber driver asked as Draco entered the back seat.

“Just to the local shopping center up ahead. I put the damn address in the app, why are you asking me? Do your damn job.” He muttered, eyeing the long list in his hand. He’s sure that the driver said something back to him, but he wasn’t listening; He was already in a bad mood and had to prepare himself for the long endeavor ahead of him. 

The closer they got to the shopping center, the more Draco started to get annoyed. There were so many cars in the street, driving slow for what Draco thought was both to look at all of the Christmas lights and decorations hanging up on all of the lamp posts and just from the amount of people in the area period. There were so many people walking on the sidewalks with their families, friends, partners and just some walking solo; He was kind of glad that he hadn’t driven here himself. It would be hell to find a parking spot anywhere, and just hell to get out of here. He grunts to himself, noticing a few people wearing face masks that were walking along the sidewalks as well. He had forgotten that this was the perfect weather and season for people to get sick. It was probably the perfect place to get sick too, seeing how there were just so many people brushing up against one another, touching all sorts of the same products and just overall breathing the same air in general. The driver pulled over in what seemed to be the middle of the shopping center, having a giant Christmas tree on display to his left with so many bright lights and Christmas ornaments dangling from all of the branches. That seemed to be the hot spot of the entire center, seeing how there seemed to be a ton of families crowded around the tree, whether they were taking pictures in front of it, sitting and chatting, or just hanging out around the area. He paid the uber driver and exited the vehicle, instantly starting to make his way towards the nearest supermarket so that he could get out of this mess as quickly as possible.

Draco was hit with a little bit of relief when he entered the store, feeling the heat instantly wash over him as he grabbed his handheld shopping basket. It was short lived though as he saw how long the checkout lines were, and how many people were still shopping down every isle in the store. He briefly sighed, shoving all of his aggravation aside. He knew that he wasn’t going to get anything done fast if he just kept moping about the situation.

It took about an hour of roaming down every isle a few times, bumping into and being bumped into a good handful of times and scanning over the shopping list at least 30 times before Draco was sure that he had gotten a good selection of items off of the list and made the executive decision to check out. It didn’t matter which line he chose; each line was so long that it was stretching into an actual isle, causing multiple people to have to cut through every once in a while, just to get to the other side of the store. He picks the closest line to him and decides to start waiting now rather than later. Why does everybody have to be out shopping right now anyway? He thought to himself, feeling his arms starting to grow tired from carrying the heavy basket for so long. 

It wasn’t long before other shoppers began to slowly file in behind him, causing him to feel slightly uneasy from how close they had to stand in order to be out of the way of other shoppers. What made matters worse was that the person behind him sounded like he was under the weather and Draco didn’t want to be anywhere near it. The thick sniffling that was heard from behind him made Draco internally groan. Damn it, he hated this so much. The regret was really starting to sink in now. At this moment he wished that he had went shopping right when Reuben had made the list. There’s a chesty cough from behind him that makes Draco turn his head slightly enough to see a young man sniffling helplessly into the palm of his hand. He rolls his eyes, feeling like he’s stuck in his current position. He knew that he always had an option to leave the line, but he had already waited 10 minutes and he didn’t want to be there any longer than he had to. The shuffling of feet in front of him caught his attention as he followed suit and scooted forward a couple of inches as the next customer was being serviced. There were only two customers in front of him now, and he was actually standing inside of the gap with the chip racks and soda coolers; He was nearing the light at the end of his tunnel. He knew that he could wait a couple more minutes and put up with this a little while longer. That was until…

“Hh… Ah’TSSCHiuh!!” 

The loud sneeze from behind makes the rugged man flinch, feeling a gust of air and cold spray instantly hit the back of his neck. He slowly turns around completely this time, bringing a hand up to wipe where he had felt the sickly spray come in contact as he was greeted by a young man with short brown hair, sniffling and wiping his nose onto his jacket sleeve.

“Oh, come on, man! Are you freggin serious?!” Draco yells, feeling disgusted and aggravated at the stranger. The outburst causes a handful of eyes to veer over to their direction. The younger man could only give a sheepish smile in return, feeling way beyond embarrassed and nervous of what the rugged man would do.

“I, uhh… I’m sorry, man! It’s just allergies! ‘Tis the season, right?” The young man said with a pleading smile and nervous laugh, trying his best to ease the rugged man over. Allergies my ass. His voice sounded thick and strained just from that apology alone, and Draco already knew what this meant. He looked like a walking germ cell; ain’t no way that’s some goddamn allergies. 

“Un-fucking-believable.” He muttered, looking at his hand in disgust. He was furious way beyond comprehension, but he didn’t want to cause a bigger scene than he had already. For this kids’ sake. The young man pulled out a pack of tissues and handed him one with a shaky hand. “Where the hell was this at before you fucking sneezed on me?!” His voice was loud with anger again as he snatched the tissue out of the man’s hand and wiped his own in disgust. The younger man quickly fumbled into the packet again to grab his own tissues as his eyelashes began to gently flutter shut. 

“Ah’TSSCHiih..! Ih‘TISShiEW!!” 

The cans and bottles in his handheld basket clanked against each other as the young man jerked forwards, diving into his hand full of tissues as his bangs bounced off of his clammy forehead with each itchy explosion. He would’ve crashed into the chip rack if not for the kind stranger behind him. Draco was relieved when the customer in front of him was beginning to load the belt with his items, allowing him to scoot up some again. It was short lived though, when the young man also scooted up behind him, sniffling and coughing so close in his ear it felt like he was practically shoulder to shoulder with him.

Finally, after a few more minutes of waiting, it was Draco’s turn to quickly checkout and instantly leave the store. The cold air greeted Draco once again, but he didn’t care this time. He was just happy to get out of that store and separate himself from that walking germ infestation. His arms were already starting to get tired even though he had two more stores to visit; He just wanted to go home honestly and take another hot shower to cleanse himself. It was about a ten-minute walk to get to the next store on his list. The fresh air was really nice, but it was awfully cold and starting to loosen up his sinuses. He had to sniffle every few seconds just to try and prevent his nose from leaking onto his numb upper lip.

His second shopping experience was pretty similar to the last store, minus the disgusting event, but the process went by faster than he had thought it would, and for that he was grateful. He peered down at the shopping list once again, having a wave of relief brush over him from seeing the small handful of items that he had left to get: Cranberry sauce, Asparagus, wait… Proscouittio? What the hell was a proscouittio? The rugged man sat down on the nearest bench, allowing his arms to rest by setting down all of his grocery bags onto the cold concrete as he pulled out his cellphone and dialed up the pediatrician.

“Hello? Draco?” The smooth and concerned voice of the gentleman was heard on the other end of the phone.

“Yeah, it’s me. What the hell is a pro… scouittio?” The rugged man asked, voice still coated with irritation from having to be out shopping. He snuffled twice into a curled knuckle, giving the underside of his nose a quick wipe after feeling a faint burning at the back of his sinuses from the cold air. A light chuckle is heard on the other end from the gentleman.

“It’s prosciutto, not proscouittio.” Reuben corrected through a light snicker. Draco snarled, irritably bringing his phone closer to his mouth. 

“If you’re going to laugh and make fun of me, so help me God I swear I’ll hang up right fucking now and blow this money at the nearest bar in sight.” His voice was dry and grim, causing Reuben to stop his chuckling instantly. The rugged man snuffled thickly again, lifting up his arm to briefly rub his leaky nose along his jacket sleeve this time. 

“Okay, okay, calm down. There’s no reason to get all riled up.” Reuben’s voice had a naturally childish glee to it today that forced Draco to ease up a little, even if he didn’t want to. “It’s a thinly sliced ham. Very delicious. You can find it at Scardello deli a little way east of the Shopping Center. Oh, and Draco, make sure you’re reading all of the ingredients carefully. My parents are coming over and it has to be correct.” It was hard to pay attention to Reuben, seeing how his nose would not stop running no matter how many times he wiped at it. He had to keep sniffling to himself in order to barely keep the leakage at bay. He audibly sighs, as he felt his inner nostrils begin to tingle from the cold air just enough to make his chest bounce with a muted hitch.  “—And a block of Gruyère cheese from the deli too, please.” There was a moment of silence before Reuben realized that he had been talking to himself for the past few seconds. Another muted hitch escapes from Draco as his nose and lips began to quiver uncomfortably from the subtle itch. 

“Hehh…” He could feel his eyelids start to droop closed and his shoulders begin to rise from the third inhale that was audible this time and forced him to bring up a shaky hand to squeeze his nostrils shut with his thumb and forefinger. 

“Hello? Draco? Are you there—" The hitch only sounds like a soft grunt to Reuben as he is unable to hear clearly since Draco instantly pushed the device deep into his chest as he jerked forwards twice.

“Kxxnt… Hhuh-… Eh’GSXnt!” The first sneeze was weak and soft enough to go unnoticed, but it made the gentle tingle in his sinuses rattle, causing the second sneeze to sound a bit more agitated and loud enough to get picked up on the line.  

“Oh? Bless you, Draco. Are you alright?” Reuben asked, voice clearly coated with concern. The rugged man barely caught the sentence as he brought the phone back up to his ear, sniffling a handful of times into his curled knuckle.

“Yeah, ‘s just cold as hell out here. What were you talkin’ about?” Draco muttered, massaging the bridge of his nose with chilled fingertips.

“I said I need you to pick up a block of Gruyère cheese from Scardello’s Deli for me while you’re out. I must’ve forgotten to put it on the list.”

“Jeez, I need a drink.” Draco groaned as he massaged the bridge of his nose in irritation of the new item added to his list this time.

"Tell you what: I'll pay your bar tab for all of the hassle you're going through today, even though all of this could've been avoided had you listened to me." Reuben offered, mumbling the second half of his sentence in a matter-of-fact manner. Draco didn't care though. He was sold on the 'pay your bar tab' part.

"You've got yourself a deal then." 

“Good. Oh- And Draco, be safe out there. Don’t stay out in the cold for too long. Make sure you’re keeping wa--” 

“Tch.” Draco instantly ended the call after he irritably smacked his lips, ignoring the pediatrician’s advice. He didn’t need to hear something he already knew and was well aware of. Reuben wasn’t his parent. He knew how to take care of himself. The rugged man quickly stood back up in a huff and headed straight for the second to last store on his list. 

The next store that he needed to visit was a fresh produce store. Reuben was very picky about the ingredients that he needed. He always wanted it to be organic and to be from a certain brand, which was very annoying and very time consuming to find. If he had been lazy and just brought home a random brand of the product, he knew that he wouldn't hear the end of it from Reuben. Draco didn't know why the hell he cared so much, seeing how it all tasted the same to him anyway. What was the point? It was all food; one just costs more than the other.

The list was growing shorter though, and it only took him about half an hour to find the ingredients that he needed, and checking out was a breeze. The only place he needed to visit was Scardello's Deli. He was glad that this was his last stop though. He was growing rather hungry and decided to take this opportunity to grab him some lunch with the leftover grocery money, if he had any.

Upon approaching the Deli, his heart instantly sinks from how many people are inside of the deli, and just from seeing all the tables outside being filled as well. For a brief moment he had forgotten that it was almost Christmas and that the piles of people showing up to this Deli wouldn't be an exception. Scardello's was also a popular Italian deli, famous for their tasty, high quality ingredients; seeing this many people here on an average day wouldn't be surprising either. You'd be lucky if you didn't have to wait in a long line that extended outside of the store.

Draco quickly stepped in line, wanting to save his place before someone else had the chance to and began the waiting game for the last time. He was happy, seeing how after he was finished shopping here, he could finally go home and he also had free alcohol on his waiting list. It wasn't too bad though. He enjoyed the scent of freshly toasted bread and the savory scent of spices that were infused into the meats. This was the best experience he had today for waiting in a long line, even if he had handfuls of groceries in his hands.

After waiting for about 20 minutes in line, it was finally his turn to order and he was relieved. There was a big glass full of different types of meats on display in front of him, all looking very delicious, but he points to the specific type of prosciutto that Reuben had asked for, along with the block of Gruyère cheese. The cashier nods to the rugged man and repeats the order back to a couple of workers that were slicing meat in the back as he pressed a few buttons onto his register.

"Prosciutto di Parma. Good choice. Delicate to the tongue and sweet to the taste." The woman behind him stated as she approached the meat display and stood beside him. She held her black suitcase to her side as her long, white lab coat flapped behind her as she turned to study the rugged man standing in front of her. "Hmm... You don't look like the type to eat anything close to prosciutto... Who sent you?" She mused, chuckling to herself as she saw the confused, and now irritated glare on Draco's face. The rugged man furrowed a brow at the lady, feeling offended by her choice of words. ‘Look the type’? The hell does she mean by that? 

Her long, brown hair seemed to flow vibrantly behind her back, naturally complimenting her dark, purple orbs while she looked at the display case full of meat. She was actually very beautiful in Draco's eyes; he had to force himself to shift his gaze so that he didn’t end up staring for too long.

"I gotta $62.60 for a Prosciutto Di Parma an’ a Gruyère ." The cashier stated through a heavy Italian accent that instantly snagged Draco's attention and brought him back to reality. Over $50 for just some damn meat and cheese? What has the world come to, he thought to himself. 

"U-uh, yeah, and I wanna add your uhh... Italian Sub. That should be cheap enough at least." He muttered, dazed by both the woman still hovering over his shoulder and the price of the meat as he fumbled into his pockets for the leftover grocery money. 

"Ey, Giuseppe, put his order on my ticket." The woman stated as she gently grabbed his hand in order to prevent him from scrambling for the lose bills in his pockets any longer. “Grazie mille amico mio.” Draco gave the woman both a confused and disapproving look in return but she brushed it off as she placed her own order on top of his. 

“Nessun problema. Qualunque cosa per mia sorella!” The cashier replied with a smile as he typed away on the cash register. 

"The hell d’you think you’re doing, lady? I have the money to pay, you know." Draco muttered to the woman with shattered pride after she had placed her order. The cashier had told them to stand over to the side as they began preparing their food.

"Mm-hmm. Oh I'm sure you do." She said with a flirtatious grin. Draco couldn't tell if she was joking or if she was just being sarcastic. Or both. The childish tone of her voice reminded him of Lirin a bit, and made him unintentionally release an agitated sigh. "Nobody in their right mind walks into Scardello's with pocket change."

"Listen, lady, pocket change or not: money is money. Don’t give a rats ass about how it looks." Even though she was very beautiful, her beauty didn’t seem to filter Draco’s mouth nor his personality. He could care less, really. She could’ve been Beyonce in a two piece and he still would’ve said the same thing. 

"Hm. Touché." She muttered, giving the rugged man an approving nod before giving him a light punch in the shoulder. “Can you not call me lady though? Don’t you know how rude that sounds?” 

"Do I look like a fuckin’ mind-reader? I don’t know your name, lady.”

“The name's Sicily." Her response came out awkward sounding as she fought to keep herself from actually socking him in the shoulder again. “Gaash, do you kiss your mother with that potty mouth?” 

"Don’t you ever mention my mother ever again, you got that??" He mutters intensely, having the cashier interrupt their conversation with two bags of food in hand. 

She awkwardly thanked the cashier and gave him a tip before leaving the Deli. Draco followed her outside over to a wooden bench a few steps away from the Deli as she sat down and separated the food between both of them.

"Y’know, you’re being kinda rude to the person that just bought all this food for you. Here." She said as she gave him the bag with freshly purchased food inside. "That one's yours." Draco accepted the bag in silence as she taps the bench and invites him to join her and have a seat, in which he distantly accepts. The two sit in silence for a good few minutes before Sicily decides to cut through the tension. “I didn’t catch your name earlier...” She mumbled into her sandwich before taking a bite out of it. 

“... Draco, I guess...” He replied annoyed, only staring at his sandwich rather than eating it.

"Well, Mr. Draco... You’re an asshole, you know that?” She stated through a soft chuckle after hearing Draco release a loud, obviously aggravated grunt in response, “An attractive asshole, I might add. And honestly, you just have the manliest resting bitch face I’ve ever seen--” 

“What the hell are you getting at here?” 

 “You wanna know why I paid for your meal? I just wanted to make that sour face at least a liiiittle bit sweeter, you know?” The rugged man gave a perplexed look towards the woman sitting beside him. It felt weird hearing a woman speak so openly and without a filter just like him. 

“...Shut up...” Draco half-muttered after an exhausted sigh, before finally taking a bite out of his sandwich. 

“You’d like that wouldn’t you? Too bad. I’m not a sheep. I don’t follow orders.” She mused with a dorky accent, surprisingly earning an unexpected chuckle from the rugged man. He wasn’t expecting such a resilient response. He had to admit, she was a cute, quirky, and geeky person that made his heart flutter the more he talked with the woman. 

The two sat on the bench oddly enjoying each other's company and eating the delicious Italian lunch for about half an hour. Even though it was really cold outside, it didnt matter to them. It felt like Draco was genuinely having a great time with Sicily and he didn't want it to end. You might even say it was a first date at that. She seemed to be the only person that could get underneath his thick skin and actually make him chuckle, multiple times at that. Wait a minute, what was he thinking? It couldn’t have been a date. They were simply just having a decent lunch together. That was all. 

The half hour feels like seconds as the time flew by, though. They had already finished their lunch and Draco knew that he needed to get back and put the groceries away. Sicily seemed like she had her own plans to get back to as well, seeing how she was the one who had cut the event short. She did feel awful about ending their moment, so she paid for his Uber and waited with him until the Uber arrived to take him home.

***

Draco had an odd, empty feeling resting in his stomach as the Uber pulled up to Reuben's home. He was glad to be home and to have all the shopping finished; It felt like a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulders, but he still missed the company of Sicily. He thanks the driver for the ride after he collected all of his belongings and started for the front door, heaving all of the groceries along with him.

Draco raises a curious brow as he sees Reuben's car in the driveway. It was out of the ordinary to see Reuben's car here at this time, because he normally didn't come home until late at night. The rugged man adjusts the bags in his hands, dismissing the fact of the car being there only to be halted by a stray dog crossing his path in the driveway.

The dog looked like a black and brown German Shepard, but it had a deep cut along its left eye and it was faintly shivering from the cold winter air. Once Draco made eye contact with the canine, it slowly sat down and wagged its tail, patiently waiting. For what, Draco had no idea. He had seen this dog before. Multiple times at that. Reuben would always chase the dog away with his shoe whenever he saw him on the porch, but Draco never understood why. The rugged man cautiously approached the injured creature with a struggling hand to scratch behind its ears and the dog instantly dropped its mouth open and let its tongue hang out, clearly enjoying the attention and feeling of affection.

"You like that, dontcha boy?" As if in response to Draco, the dog barked and hopped up to place his paws onto the rugged man’s chest, trying to lick his face. Draco chuckled at the friendly creature and gave it a hug as he couldn't resist the poor, abandoned animal. He knew how being cold, lonely and abandoned felt and how much value was in the slightest amount of affection. He wasn’t fast enough to dodge as the canine licked his cheek a few times. "Okay, okay, down boy! Get down!" He had to force the dog down, seeing how the canine was overly excited from the rugged man and his attention. "What’s your name, anyway?" He muttered, trying to find a collar or dog tag on the animal, only to find nothing. The stray dog sat in front of the rugged man with excited eyes. It was hard for Draco to look back at the poor animal, but he knew that he couldn't take him into Reuben's house. The pediatrician had mentioned that he disliked dogs with a passion; for what reason, Draco had no clue. He gave the dog one last good rub and slipped past him in order to get to the front porch. The dog only sat in place, watching the rugged man as he stood on the porch, glaring back at the stray dog with guilt. “... You know what, fuck it.” He says as he grabs a slice of the prosciutto and tosses it to the stray dog. Immediately, the dog grabs the meat and runs into the grass, tearing the meat up and swallowing it savagely like he hadn’t eaten in a while. ‘You enjoy that, little buddy.” He whispers before sliding into the house. 

***

Draco released a light sigh as he was relieved to be back home and outside of the cold. Before he could enter the kitchen to set down the groceries, Reuben arose from the couch and greeted him with a cheerful grin.

"Welcome back, Draco. I assume everything went well?" The gentleman grabbed a few of the bags from the rugged man and led him into the kitchen.

"Yeah, but- wait, why are you home right now?" Draco asked, confusion coating his voice, as he sat the bags on the counter and began to take all of the items out. Reuben gives a slight chuckle as he takes the empty bag from Draco and throws it in the trash.

"I couldn't have you here while I wrapped up all the Christmas gifts, now could I?" He said, pointing at the elegant Christmas tree that now had multiple gifts resting underneath it. Draco rolled his eyes, aggravated at the fact that it would’ve been a whole lot easier if Reuben would’ve taken him to the store in the first place. “Oh, relax, would you? I thought I’d find you wearing an ear-to-ear grin from the clean slate you now have at the bar!"

"... Fine, just whatever... There better be a flask full of booze under there or you're catching fists." He falsely allowed the joke to slip off of his tongue, forgetting that he wasn't outside with Sicily anymore. Reuben doesn't mind though, and takes it as him finally getting into the Christmas spirit. "What's with the sweater?"

"Oh this old thing? You like it?” Humors Reuben as he stretches out the sweater in order to show off all the glowing Christmas lights and decorations on it. The rugged man only gives a disgusted look in disapproval at the ugly thing. "It even lights up, s-see?Ihktsh!" Reuben furrowed a confused brow as he barely caught the abrupt sneeze into a curled knuckle, feeling an overwhelming itch force entry into his sinuses and cut his shirt viewing short. 

A sharp, breathy inhale was the only thing Draco heard before he looked over to see Reuben twitching forward with each rapid sneeze, catching them with the top-side of his hand. "Hih-Ktsh! Hihktsh! Hh-Hihh! Hih'KSsh! HuhISsSCH'ue!!" The power of the tickling sensation was so strong and abrupt that his lungs didn’t know how to function properly with the irritant fighting in his sinuses.

He knew the feeling of this type of tickle. It wasn’t from sickness, nor from hay fever, and his house hadn’t been dusty enough to irritate him the past few days, so it could’ve only been one other thing.  A handful of muted gasps escape from the gentleman as he could feel his sensitive nose trembling in agony. 

“Hh-have youhh beenn playi’gw-wihh-hih! Wid dohh-gs??” The pediatrician struggled to ask between hitching breaths as he grabbed a few tissues from off of the counter with one hand and pinched his nostrils closed with his other hand. 

“Yeah, so what if I did?” Draco fired back, defensively as if the stray dog were under attack by the evil pediatrician. The gentleman only blew his nose in return, shaking his head from how intense the tickle was becoming. He instantly shuffled backwards after he blew into the handful of tissues for a second time, foolishly trying to expel the irritant as quickly as possible, only to rattle the irritant around and get hit with the full force of the tickling sensation. He coughed and fanned at the air as if doing so would remove the irritant that forced his nostrils to instantly tremble in aggravation. He could feel his body rejecting the irritant fiercely as his eyelids instantly slammed shut once again and his chest visibly bounced from the rapid, overwhelming breaths his body felt were necessary to take between each desperate sneeze he lazily caught in the handful of tissues. The sudden irritant caught both him and his body off guard as it physically tried to process what the devil Draco had brought into his presence. 

“D-Dr-a’KSh!Ihktsh!! Huh’kSsh!! I-Ihssh’uehh-hih! HihH’ksh’u!!… I-Ih-hhehh-HH…” Reuben barely squinted his eyes open to share a struggling glare with Draco, trying his hardest to speak but failed miserably, getting lost in his own sea of rapid hitches. The strength of the irritant forced the pediatrician to instantly jerk forwards into the damp handful of tissues with rapid, itchy explosions. 

“Hihktsh! Kshnt! IhKTSH-tsshIISsh! AlleH-Hh’Issh…! T-tIDSh’ue!! Hehh…D-dohhgs-s Hhgh-ihkssh’u! hHAH-ESsh’uekgshu! IH’KGshIEw!! Iksshu! Kgshu-IKGSshu!” The gentleman's body trembled with each sneeze as he struggled to take in a breath of air. He had foolishly tried to speak in-between the fit in vain as he had cut himself off with the rapid, tumbling sneezes. 

The rugged man gives Reuben a questioning glare as he released four more tired sneezes in-between desperate nose blows and irritated coughs into his handful of tissues. He didn't know that Reuben had a dog allergy; He also hadn't played with the canine for that long either, so he was confused as to why Reuben was having such a reaction.

"I'm a-allerhh-hih... Hahh...! Ihktsh!! Hheh'kssh-ISshu! 'EDSh'ue!! Ekgsh!! IsshShishh! IGSSch'uh! Hahh... Allergigk do dogs." He congestedly tried to explain again through disruptive hitches. 

Draco could see the pediatrician's pink tipped nose still twitching from the irritant lingering about as he dabbed away the allergic tears that started rolling down his cheeks with the side of his hand. He gave a sly smirk to himself, finding a hint of pleasure in seeing the arrogant pediatrician looking so vulnerable. It was nice to see Reuben knocked off of his high horse for a bit. 

"Well in that case, I want a dog." Draco humored to the pediatrician as he watched him still trying to catch his unsteady breath.

"Hah’KGshn! Ihgsh! Kgsch! H-how consihhderate o-of... Ih-Kgsshn! Hh-huh... youhh." His speech was still shaky and broken from the faint hitches riddled between his words. He blows his nose once again in an attempt to blow out the irritant that had entered his nostrils, but it does nothing but dampen the tissues further in his hand.  

 The gentleman irritably tells Draco to finish putting away the groceries and to throw his clothes into the washer as he left the room to take some allergy medicine, already beginning to feel miserable. He also couldn’t help but give a little chuckle to himself, finding the whole situation to be quite humorous. He only wondered how bad it would be if Reuben were to actually encounter a dog in person. 

The hot shower that Draco had been waiting for all day finally came and went, leaving him with a strong feeling of relief and relaxation. It felt like ten pounds had been lifted off of his shoulders, seeing how he still felt disgusting from that irritating encounter at the store. Reuben seemed to be feeling better as well, since he had stopped sneezing when he got out of the shower. He had to admit: The Christmas vibes were definitely present from both the nicely decorated Christmas tree and all of the decorations Reuben had been putting up all over the house. It was his first Christmas with the pediatrician, and it felt like it was going to be a great one at that.

December 24th

The loud clank of a pan serves as a rude awakening for the rugged man as he flinched awake from the couch. He tries to open his eyes but instantly slams them shut with a heavy wince from the blinding living room lights. A few light coughs escape from his grasp as he sluggishly wiped the sleep from his eyes. He felt groggy today. Groggier than usual. He releases a sluggish snuffle in an attempt to clear the wall of congestion that must’ve built up overnight. 

“Evening, Draco.” The lanky gentleman greeted from the kitchen, adding water to a pot before placing it on the stove top. “A pleasure to see you awake. I surely thought you were going to sleep the entire day away.” The rugged man remained silent as he blindly reached for his flask from off of the coffee table and instantly began consuming the alcoholic beverage, only to choke on the burn in his throat. That was strange. He thought that he was used to the burn of a little Whiskey. “How many times have I told you to stop drinking in the morning?” The rugged man winces, trying to clear his throat of the itch and now faint burn from the alcohol.

“Mornin’ to you too, asshole.” He muttered dismissively, hearing his own voice sound a little scratchier than usual. “HhUh-TDZSSH...!! EHh’GTSZSHh’UHH!! GOD--!! Damnit!!” He barely catches the first loud sneeze into the cup of his hand, almost spilling his flask from the force of the second loud sneeze that shakes his entire core. He yells a swear, feeling the most torturous burn scrape his raw throat from the loud morning sneezes. 

“Ah. Lovely.” The sarcastic tone from the gentleman earned a pained chuckle out of Draco as he struggled to choke down another swig from his flask. “I’m expecting company over soon. I’d recommend getting dressed and presentable.”

“Dressed and ‘presentable’? Screw off.” Reuben only sighed in return, not in the mood to put up with Draco’s shenanigans. A mild yawn escapes his lips as he glares at the clock resting on the stand. “3:30pm? Shit.” He mumbled as he rubbed a hand across his face in an attempt to wipe the sleep away as he got up to join the pediatrician in the kitchen. There were a lot of different foods scattered across all of the kitchen countertops with other food items cooking on the stove as well, and he was sure that he saw something baking in the oven. “Why the hell are you makin’ so much food?” Reuben abruptly stopped cutting the vegetables on the cutting board and sat his knife down in order to share a confused glare at Draco. 

“Draco, my family is coming over for the Holidays, remember?” His heart instantly sank after hearing those words. He had forgotten about Reuben’s family coming to visit. He dreaded this day as well because it was going to be the most awkward day of his life, which was probably the reason he had forgotten about it in the first place. “You do remember, don’t you?”

“HhUH-EGTSsh!! Y-yeah, sure. When are dhey cobin’ a-adywayhh? IH��TIZSSCH'ugh!! Shidt.” He asked between the forceful sneezes, dismissively trying to hide the fact that he truly had forgotten about his parents coming over. The gentleman raises a concerned brow at the second pair of harsh sneezes and gives the rugged man a quick gloss-over. 

“My blessings. Are you feeling well, Draco?” The pediatrician doesn’t hesitate to shove a cool palm underneath the man’s disheveled bangs and atop his clammy forehead out of his routine pediatric habit. “You look exhausted. Then again, when don’t you look exhausted?” Draco flinches and knocks away Reuben’s hand in return, before taking another swig from his flask. 

“’M fine. Your snooty parents must be talking about me already.” He humored, but not really. He didn’t want to offend the gentleman, but they both knew it was obvious. Reuben brushed off his comment, not disputing it either, seeing how Draco could’ve been right. His parents were a bit snobbish and he wouldn’t be surprised if they actually were talking about him right now.

“We agreed on 4pm, but knowing my family they’ll probably be knocking on the door any minute now. That is why I’d strongly advise getting dressed.” The rugged man leaned against the countertop in silence for a moment, trying to find at least someway to get out of this pickle he was forced into. 

“Why the hell do I gotta act all nice and prissy just to impress your damn parents? It ain’t like we gettin’ married.” He irritably muttered into his opened flask, dreading the evening he had to prepare for. The pediatrician took a moment to compose himself, trying not to let the stress of the day wash over him and cause him to say or do something he didn’t intend to. 

“Draco, can you please just wash up and get dressed? Don’t make this difficult. You can leave for the bar right after, I don’t care, just don’t embarrass me, please?” Draco gave the man a questioning look. He hadn’t heard the pediatrician ask him to do something in this pleading tone ever. It was... different. A bit concerning. 

“Whatever...” He grumbled, silently slipping out of the kitchen and leaving the pediatrician to continue cooking the feast in kitchen.

He had to admit that he was a little nervous about meeting Reuben’s family. If his family was as arrogant and uptight just like he was, it was going to be a long evening. Especially if Reuben was acting this way about his parents, something was definitely going to go down. He did seem like the type to have parents with high expectations and standards, which Draco knew that he wasn’t qualified for. Even though Reuben was how he was, he didn’t want to leave a bad impression on his family, but he couldn’t make any promises either. He knew that he was going to have to prepare himself to probably listen to his parent’s brag about how much money they make and how proud they are to have a Pediatrician as a son. He released a long sigh as he collected a some-what clean outfit, completely ignoring the pressed suit and tie that Reuben picked out for him, and headed into the bathroom. 

***

Draco took his time in the shower, not wanting to leave the bathroom at all and face a room of strangers. He already started to feel slightly worse from when he had woken up, seeing how his nose had begun to leak and itch more profoundly and his throat was really becoming agitated. He could already hear a few unfamiliar voices carrying into the restroom that made him uneasy. He was a complete stranger getting dumped into a family meet and greet. He knew that he would feel out of place and like he didn’t belong but there was no way to escape. All of his guests had already arrived and were chatting up a storm in the other room. He could make out Lirin’s high pitched voice, which gave him at least a little bit of comfort, but the other few voices made him release a tense sigh. This was going to be weird, but it was better to hurry up and get this over with now.

Draco slowly opened the bathroom door, deciding that it was time to leave the steamy bathroom so that the stuffy, warm air could stop making his nose leak so damn much. He carefully peered down the hallway, instantly being greeted by unfamiliar faces. There was a man with brown hair and glasses in a dark suit, looking like an older version of Reuben just with stubbles on his chin that was having a conversation with a mature woman, looking young for her age, with long, luscious brown hair; They looked like they had professions related in business or sales.

“Speak of the devil, that must be the man of the hour! My son here’s been tellin’ me all about ya!” The man in the suit said with open arms as Draco approached the group. He instantly pulled the rugged man in for a tight hug that took the breath away from him and caused him to cough over the man’s shoulder. “Don’t be shy! We’re all family here.” After a brief moment, he finally let go and gave Draco a good look over. “You look well! Seems like you’ve made yourself right at home.” The rugged man remained silent, unsure of how to respond to the sudden change of tone from his last sentence.

“Oh, don’t mind him, honey.” The woman said as she straightened up Draco’s shirt. “Donovan’s always been such a hard-ass to all of Reuben’s new friends, haven’t you, Donny?” She said, abruptly giving Donovan a death glare. “My name’s Colette.” Before he could even reply to the woman, Donovan stepped closer to Draco with judging eyes.

“I just don’t want my son to have any bad influences or distractions. You know how it is.” Draco took an uncomfortable step backwards, feeling the tense atmosphere weighing on his shoulders. He already felt like he was being pulled in both directions from both parents. The rugged man froze, feeling like the dark glare from Reuben’s father was judging his every move and action. He curses internally, feeling his nose start to run again, knowing that he can’t do anything about it at this moment.

“Dad I’ve told you countless times, he’s not a distraction. I’ve been doing just fine even with him here.” Reuben said through an irritated sigh as he stressfully massaged the bridge of his nose. Donovan instantly approaches Reuben with a stern voice, clearly not fond of the entire situation. It seemed like none of his words were getting through to him.

“Mmm. And just how long does this Draco plan on staying here?” The rugged man forcefully took this opportunity to turn around and grab a few tissues and wipe his nose, before the leakage had the chance to become visible. A hint of relief crosses over him as he quietly blew into the tissues. It was a soft enough blow to the point where it didn’t draw any attention away from the conversation.

“Ease up, darling. It’s Christmas. We came down here to enjoy the holiday with our son and niece. Besides, Draco looks like a responsible young man. If our son says he’s fine with him being here, leave it at that.”

“Yeah, Draco is SUCH a RESPONSIBLE young man.” Lirin childishly chimed in, hugging Reuben loosely from his side. “You should see how RESPONSIBLE he is when he’s drunk.” She smirked. Draco bit his tongue, trying his best to catch himself from saying an angry remark. Just hearing her sarcasm made him clench his teeth.

“Is that so…?” The voice of a clearly intrigued and curious woman fills the room as Sicily enters the house and locks the door behind her. “We’ll have to grab a drink later.” She flashes Draco a charming wink that makes him instantly look away.

"Sicily, darling! We thought you wouldn't be able to make it! What a pleasant surprise!" Colette exclaims in surprise as she embraces the woman. “Is that alcohol I smell on your breath?”

"Mom, relax. What are you, a police officer? It’s Christmas!” Sicily’s entrance cuts through the tense atmosphere as she gives Donovan, Reuben and Lirin a hug in greeting. “Anywho, don’t be shy now, Draco, was it?” She gave the rugged man a playful nudge in his side as she pulled him over onto the couch. Draco doesn't fight her as he allows himself to be forced down onto the couch, feeling both relieved that he got snatched away from the demonic man, but also, dare he say 'happy' to see Sicily for a second time. "Some parents, huh?" She says after observing Draco's facial expressions. "I know. Dad can be quite the handful. Just make sure mom doesn't get a hold of any wine, or that could be a real shit-show." She giggled to herself as she kicked off her boots. “Last year, mom had a liiiiittle too much of the holiday nog and almost broke all of my drinking glasses. Wanna know how? She was throwing them at pops for losing 10 grand in one of his stock investments.” Another, louder giggle erupts from Sicily, earning a darted glare from Donovan towards Draco. 

“Um, excuse me everyone. Dinner is almost ready, so if you all could please relocate to the dining room…” Reuben muttered, placing the dinner rolls on the table.”

  ***

“Honey, this looks delicious!” Colette exclaims, looking at all of the food Reuben had prepared. It did look delicious. How one man could make so many different dishes all by himself beat Draco. He did a really nice job with everything, but of course, he wasn’t going to tell Reuben that.

“Let’s dig in!!” Lirin exclaimed before instantly chowing down on her over-piled plate. She was the first to make her plate before anyone else cold even touch the food.

There were so many silverware and differently sized plates on the table and it made Draco squirm internally. It felt like he was being setup. He and Reuben both knew that he didn’t have any knowledge about dining etiquette, or any etiquette in general. Hell- he doesn’t even know the name of anything that’s on his plate! He’s sure that everything on the dining table was fancy and had a L or Lu in front of it. He wouldn’t be surprised if Reuben’s family called their glasses of water: L’agua. 

The rugged man watched as all of the family members delicately picked up their proper utensils and began to elegantly cut and eat the food on their plates. It was like he was in the realm of gods and goddesses and he was the only human in sight, attempting to mimic their custom. Even Lirin somehow managed to mask her gluttony. It was hard to even think about eating, seeing how he could barely survive the coldhearted looks that Donovan was darting his way. He could tell that he was subtly watching him, waiting to see which utensil he would pick up first and judge him if he grabbed at the wrong one.

“Aren’t you going to eat, Draco?” Reuben’s mom gave him a concerned look as she noticed he hadn’t touched his plate. “Your food will get cold soon. It really is good, I promise!” 

"Mom? Please." She whispered, feeling insulted. "Hey Draco, wanna blow this joint and go get some drinks? Lirin tells me you're a real drinker."

“I thought you’d never ask…” He replied with a nervous laugh, giving Reuben almost a puppy dog look of ‘please let me leave, this is my only escape.’ His parents tried to talk them out of it, but of course, Draco can’t be talked out of consuming alcohol.

***

 The music being played from the piano at the back of the bar rang blissfully in their ears as they entered the bar. It wasn’t too crowded, surprisingly. A soft aroma of alcohol filled the air as the two slowly approached the counter. There was a nice Christmas tree set up near the piano that lit up the room, with a male bartender wiping out a glass behind the counter.

“How can I help you?” The man said as he tossed the towel onto his shoulder and sat the glass down onto the rack.

“Let me get two shots of Bourbon for me and my friend here please.” Sicily ordered as she took a seat on the bar stool. The bartender nodded in understanding as he grabbed a bottle and started pouring the alcohol. Draco hesitantly sat down in the stool beside the woman, still tense and a bit uncomfortable with going into a bar with the pediatrician’s sister. “Relax, I just want to loosen up and have a couple of drinks with you.” She muttered, pulling out a cigarette from the paper carton and resting it on her rose red lips. She shared a short glance with Draco before it was awkwardly broken by the rugged man pretending to clear his throat.

 As the night went on, the fuzzier his head was beginning to feel. He had only had 5 shots and he could already feel himself starting to get a little more than tipsy. It was weird; Usually he could down more shots than this without feeling a buzz this early on. He could hardly think, let alone keep up with what Sicily was saying, not like what she was saying mattered, anyway. Draco was sure that she was one shot away from being completely plastered, seeing how her cheeks were flushed and her words were so slurred that it was a challenge to understand a word coming from her.

“It’s nice to let lose every once in a while, and take a break from all this classy shit.” She says, hoping to break the tension while allowing a long sigh to escape from her lips, causing a stream of gray smoke to bounce off of the counter-top and disperse into the air.

"You're tellin' me..." Draco muttered, grabbing the shot glass from the bartender and immediately scarfing it down like it were a dose a vicodine. "I could barely manage back there."

"Yeah..." Sicily distantly mutters, glaring down at the shot glass in her hand for a moment before irritably scarfing it down as well with haste.

“HhH’EGJISCH…!! ‘EGSSCHIUH!!” The rugged man dove forwards over the counter, holding his glass of whiskey away from him in vain so that hopefully it didn’t spill when he jerked forward with both of his itchy explosions. “O-oh shit! *hic*” He yelled with a breathy chuckle, finding humor from both Sicily’s laughter and the discovery of a small splash of alcohol that had spilled onto the counter from his glass. Sicily had toppled over onto the drunk man’s chest in laughter, struggling to breathe from how hard she was laughing. Draco’s own laughter abruptly stopped as the burning in his nostrils was still intense and flaring about.

“HhUH…!!” He sloppily leaned backwards with a deep inhale, barely able to stay upright from the weight of Sicily leaned so close up against him. He can feel his nostrils trembling in irritation from the burning as he slams his eyelids shut and dipped forwards again, slamming his glass onto the counter-top.

“Hhih…! Hhg’TIZSSCH’uhh! *hic* h-HUhgDzZSSCH’uhgg!!” His reflexes aren’t in tune from the alcoholic fuzziness as he is slow in turning his head away from the drunk woman. The first sneeze flies over Sicily’s head and lands on the counter-top, but he is able to partially turn his head over to the right and aim the second slurred mess of a sneeze towards the ground. Sicily shrieks in surprise from the two loud sneezes, feeling his chest tense up and shove her forwards, but she instantly smothered her chuckles into her hands as she pulled away from Draco and took a sip of alcohol from her shot glass. The rugged man brings up a sluggish, curled knuckle to lazily wipe underneath his faintly twitching nostrils, only to feel how moist and leaky they had been.

“Sh-shidt… Hheh…” He tries to cup his hand in order to lazily cover the disgusting mess on the lower half of his face, but before he can even ask for a tissue, his chest inflates quickly, forcing him to lean back once more with a disturbed grimace on his face. “

Sicily sloppily reaches into her purse, fumbling over herself as she takes out her handkerchief and shoves it into his cupped hand.

“Pineapple!” Sicily yelled abruptly, before he could even finish the oncoming sneeze.

“HhUHh’G-ghhn…?” The forceful hitch is instantly interrupted as his fuzzy and sluggish brain tried to wrap his mind around the randomness of the word pineapple. He sat there for a moment, confused, still waiting for the impending sneeze but the tingling in his sinuses had slightly died down to a quieter itch at the back of his nose.

“Ahh YEP, works everytimee.” She tiredly mused, downing her last shot of whiskey. Two hiccups escaped from her mouth once she downed her last shot and she giggled to herself before she flipped the shot glass upside down onto the counter.

“I use’to do thaht with Reuben when he’ws younger. That boy hadth’ most sensitive nose I’d ever seen. Once he start’d sneezin’ there was no goin’ back. ‘less you yell ‘pineapple!’ a’the right time. That’ll do it.” She muttered, fighting the effects of the alcohol that were trying to make her pass out on the counter-top.

"Hey... I wann' tell you somethin' an... An' you bettnot l-laugh..." The rugged man rubbed his face, feeling his mouth and tongue gradually becoming numb. It was definitely weird. He was feeling a lot of things tonight, both good and bad. He looked at Sicily with tired eyes, watching her back rise and sink with each breath she took as she rested on the counter with her head faced down in her arms. She grunted softly, as if signaling to Draco that she was still listening. "I... I r-really like you, you know tha?"

"Oh, that's nice. Me too." She muttered, giggling softly in her folded arms. At that moment, Draco's heart flew out of his chest as he struggled to sit upright.

"I'll have the ramen too. No eggs..." She weakly reached out to grab Draco's arm and shook it gently, "Please no eggs. I don't want eggs." He sighed and rolled his eyes, realizing that Sicily must've been talking in her sleep.

   December 25th 

“Hhg’tdsszhh! ‘Egsschh!!” The two tired sneezes were lazily stifled and released into the air as he shuffled around covered in his soft blanket in which he wore like an oversized jacket. He gently scrunches his nose around, feeling the tickle remaining at the same strength. He was lifelessly lying on the couch, too fatigued to do anything. Too exhausted to even sniff away the wetness leaking from his sore nostrils. What was the point? He had been sniffling and snuffling all night; every time he sneezed, the wetness quickly returned anyway. He was so congested to the point where it sounded like he was inhaling pudding every time he took a breath. The room was still dark, besides the random flashing lights of the elegant Christmas tree in the corner of the room. He audibly winced from the pressure pounding in his head with the pulsing of his veins. Drinking alcohol all day probably wasn't the best call, he had to admit. He felt so worn out and tired but he couldn't fall asleep; Not even the word Christmas could bring his spirits up. He snuffled lightly, too exhausted to even sniffle as hard as he needed to. His body tensed up reflexively as a shiver crept down his spine, forcing his body to quiver every once in a while. Blankets. N-need more blankets. A-and huhh-

“Draco…? Are you up?” The soft, sleepy and tender voice of Sicily cuts through his suffering as he can just barely see a thin figure slowly approaching from down the hall. She slowly made her way over to the couch and noticed the poor, sickly body lying there in pain. Her sleepy expression changes instantly to concerned when she observes the sick body closely. “Draco, you look horrible!” She exclaimed in an intense whisper, not trying to wake up the sleeping pediatrician. She held his clammy cheeks and frowned, giving them a smooth rub with her thumb to clear the sweat away. “You’re boiling! And-- Oh...”

"Ehh'hoOo! Hh-hih- HIH'gdzssh!" He can feel his cheeks start to blush a light pink as he barely realizes that he had sneezed on Sicily's neck and chest; He wanted to pull away but he was too exhausted and fever struck to do anything.

“HEH'Ssgk! ’M-m alrigh’. ‘ll jus’… Jus’ do the sleep. EEH'HooOgk! Hih'gSHUHhgk!Tiredhh…” He muttered, finding it complicated to compose the proper sentences and to communicate in general. At this point, he had partially given up stifling, forcing his sneezes to sound like a mixture of a cough and a mild yell. Sicily gave him a worried look, finding it odd to see a person so delusional and out if sorts. She was too worried to feel disgusted.

“Hey, Draco! Wake up! I ne...ed you t.. sta... Awa... Ke..!"

Draco wasn’t sure what dimension he had stumbled upon, but he couldn't hear or see Sicily anymore; He felt like he was asleep but at the same time, he wasn’t sure if he was. The blackness around him began to swirl into a spiral as if he were entering a portal, and before he could comprehend what was happening, he was back home in his old house. All the lights were off in the house but the single overhead kitchen light, which severed as a homing beacon to the rugged man. There was a tall, slender woman that stood hovering over the stove, humming an all too familiar tune.  

“Mm?” The woman slowly turned around to face the rugged man as if she were moving through molasses. The crimson locks resting beneath her shoulders dangled behind her back as she gave him a pained smile. “Just in time for dinner. Have a seat.” The bags underneath her eyes were complimented with a subtle dark circle, indicating that she had been overly exhausted and worn out for days on end. “Dinner’s almost ready.” 

“N-no, I...” Something isn’t right. Before he could do anything, the creaking of the front door catches his attention.

“M-mom...?” His words came out sluggish and muffled, as if he were moving in a time warp. With each hesitant step he took, the world around him blurred and swashed around, colors blending and smothering each other like dye on cake batter. The single word that he spoke seemed to echo for ages and bounce off of the walls and floors with a weird reverb like they were in a mutated cave. 

“You heard your mother, boy.” A dark tone from behind brings a boil to the blood flowing throughout Draco’s veins. He knew that voice all too well.  “Sit like a good dog.” 

“You...” He clenches his fists, feeling all of his uncontrollable anger rising to the surface.

“Draco. Draco, get up! Draco--!?”  He could barely hear the screams of his mother behind him as he was too busy dashing towards the figment of his father with a bawled fist, ready for a solid punch.

“I’LL KILL YOU!! YOU FUCKING MONSTER!!!” His own battle cries begin to drown out the loud crackling of the now roaring fire engulfing the walls and flooring. The dark, bulky body in front of him kept a cool smirk on his face, even in the given situation, which angered the rugged man and the fire even more.

“Draco, stop it!! Draco--!!!” The fear-filled screams from his mother began to cut in and out, almost mutating into the worried screams of the pediatrician.“Draco!!! Stop! Wake up! Blast--, he’s not responding!” Reuben yelled as he was holding on to Draco’s arms.

“We need to get him into some cold water, NOW! Start the bath!” Sicily nodded and darted for the bathroom, immediately starting to fill the tub with the coldest water she could. "Draco, you're hallucinating! WAKE UP, DAMN IT!" There was a slight shakiness to Reuben's voice as he struggled to pin the rugged man down. He had been in situations like this before and seen it plenty of times, but something about seeing Draco in such a broken state filled the pediatrician with more than just a little worry. 

“I-I’ll fucking--... Kill you... I swear it...”  The rugged man exhaustedly muttered, trying to punch the air but failing, since Reuben was holding him down in place.

"Reuben, the tubs halfway full!" Sicily yelled from the bathroom. The pediatrician signals for her to come and help him drag the sick corpse into the bathroom, in which she doesn't hesitate to do.

He was a tall, heavy and sickly thing. It took them a while to get him off of the couch with him fighting the two while weakly kicking and punching at the air as if doing so would hurt his invisible enemy. You could imagine how tough it was for them to force him into the bathroom, let alone the freezing bathtub.

"Help me get his shirt and jeans off..." Reuben muttered to his sister as he forced the rugged man to sit down on the toilet lid.

"W-whahd are yhou d-doig, pervert?!" Draco yelled, eyes sluggishly tracing the room and barely staying open. "G-Gedhh... HEH'Gdzsshiew!" The sneeze sprays the pediatrician’s pajama shirt as he temporarily flinches in disgust, but he doesn't let it bother him. He's in pure focus mode, as a trained pediatrician should be. "EHHgtsshnk!! Thad's whad you ged, b-bast.. bah.. heh-"

"Don't mind him, Sicily. He'll be fine." He says, noting Sicily watching with an expression on her face that he couldn’t read, but mainly to himself to give him some sort of relief while dealing with the given situation. He bites his lip, having mixed feelings about the situation. "L-Let's get him into the tub." The two nearly shove the rugged man into the cold pool of water, causing a lot of it to be spilled onto the bathroom floor. It only takes a second of being in the freezing water for him to snap out of it and realize where he was. Reuben sighs, feeling his heart nearly beating out of its chest. He had never seen Draco in such a state before in his life, and it worried him more than any patient he ever had. “Could you use this cup and pour some cold water over him?” He says, handing Sicily the small cup. “We still need to cool his body temperature down before he overheats. I need to go ge… some water. T-towels…” Before Sicily can even say anything, Reuben darted out of the room and closed the door behind him. She knew exactly what that meant.

“I need to ge… some water. T-towels…”

She heard him repeat it in her head. The tone in his voice when he said it. The strain and slight shake towards the ending. The pause in between and after. She gripped the cup tighter in slight anger. Two loud coughs from the rugged man jolt Sicily out of her own thoughts and redirect her attention. She can’t help but give the rugged man a good gloss over. He was visibly shivering in place, causing little ripples to bang against to tub walls. He looked like a dead corpse that still managed to breathe in her eyes. His red nose didn’t even attempt to hold back the sickly fluids that dripped down onto his chin and bare chest. He was too cold and out of it to care or do anything about it. She could see a tinge of black starting to linger underneath his eyes and his cheeks looked like pieces of cotton candy against his ghostly pale skin. She dipped the cup in the water on his side until it was submerged in the water and poured it over his head. He didn’t even flinch. He was probably too dazed to even feel the cold water, she thought to herself.

“… ‘ts c-cold m-mom-mm…” He barely mutters through chattering teeth, slowly closing his eyes and leaning back into the tub. Sicily immediately drops the cup and grabs the rugged man before his back can fully sink into the tub.

“Draco! Hey-hey, you have to sit up! Look at me!” She says, voice sounding strained from pushing the rugged man forward to sit upright. Draco doesn’t respond, allowing his body to fully go limp into Sicily’s arms. Sicily grunts, barely being able to keep Draco above the water from her current position. She hunches over the bathtub, trying to find the right position to comfortably hold Draco upright, but falls forward into the cold water on top of him. She releases a heavy exhale from the abrupt submersion in cold water and immediately pulls Draco’s upper half out of the water and into her chest as if he were hugging her. The rugged man takes in an immediate deep gasp and releases a handful of wet coughs over her shoulder, shivering like a madman. The woman gives a soft smile to herself, feeling the grown mans body tremble underneath her arms. She allows her fingers to rest on his clammy back, enjoying the feeling of his body up against hers so tight and closely. She closes her eyes, feeling warm from both Draco’s body and the happiness and comfort of Draco’s embrace. It felt as if time stood still for ages as the two leaned up against each other in the tub. Draco’s body had calmed down from the event, besides the constant sniffles, and they just sat there together. Holding each other. 

“S-Sicily…” Draco’s faint whisper barely cut through the thin silence.

“It’s me, Draco.” She whispered back softly, still resting her head atop of Draco’s shoulder and hugging him. The rugged man slowly pulled away and nuzzled their foreheads together. She kept her eyes closed, enjoying the company of the rugged man. She moaned softly, feeling the warmth from his forehead rub against hers. The warmth from his fever radiated off of his face against her skin, summoning a faint smirk to cross her lips. She can feel her heart race a little from the shift in the room as she feels a cold hand rake through the side of her hair. She flinches as the cold water from his hand drip down her left side. His hot breath comforts her as she smells a hint of Marlboro and leftover booze beam closer. She can feel his shaky breaths get stronger and closer as his warm lips come in contact with hers. He gives her a long peck on her soft lips, allowing her body language to convey to him if he should stop or proceed. She gasps internally, half knowing what was happening and half not. She doesn’t fight it though, and brings up a hand to trace a line down his chest as he pulls her closer and gives her two more deep kisses. He can’t help but moan as she gently pushes his head closer to hers. It was a very intimate moment, that’s for sure. If Draco had any questions, they had all been answered right now.

He slowly pulls away and nuzzles her forehead again, allowing them both to catch their breath. Sicily’s eyes were locked onto his as she seductively licked her lips, signaling that she was ready for more. He swallows down a cough as she leans up against his chest again, but this time, pushing him back and forcing him to lay his back against the curve of the tub wall. Draco is caught off guard by this action and flinches, uncertain of what she was going to do next. He can feel his heart begin to race as she starts to give him kisses on the top half of his chest.  Once she reaches his neck, she rests her body on his and starts to give him pecks all over his face. She reaches his nose and gives it two pecks, feeling her insides start to get all warm and excited.

Her adrenaline was rushing all over for many different reasons. She knew about Reuben. She knew about him being gay and she knew about his sneezing fetish. She knew he had the hots for Draco way before he himself probably did. She knew that something was off when he said he needed to get some water. He couldn’t handle Draco sneezing on him or him being practically naked in the bathtub. She herself didn’t have the fetish, but she was overly curious about what was so appealing about it. She couldn’t knock it until she tried it at least; she was already in the mood to get dirty with Draco. It did give her a rush knowing that she had the man Reuben had his eyes on. She was doing things to Draco that Reuben would probably never get to do. Draco sneezing on him was probably the closest thing he would ever get. 

“S-Sicily I—… Hh…” He whispered weakly, closing his eyes and slowly lifting a hand to his face. She immediately grabs his wrist and shoves it back down into the water and holds his other hand hostage under the water as well.

“I know.” She says, watching his red, glistening nose twitch above her. Another peck from Sicily occurs on top of his nose. She can feel his chest rise with another weak inhale. “Don’t worry, I don’t mind. Just sneeze.” Draco snuffles twice, giving Sicily a confused glare.

“W-waih wah?” He says, trying to lift his hand again only to have Sicily press more weight down against it and prevent him from doing so.

“You heard me.” She reaches her head up to Draco’s, using her nose to lightly rub against the moist rims of his nose to try to coax out the sneeze before he can say anything else.

“B-but I ne—” Sicily shushes him and pecks him on the lips before continuing to rub his nose in different patterns and speeds. He produces two loud snuffles, sounding both thick and wet, which creates a spark in Sicily’s eye. “W-wa- HhiH… Hih! W-wahd are y-you HiHh…. Hh-doig??” He manages to say before tilting his head back against his will, involuntarily trying to escape from the induced tickling sensation on his already sensitive nose. She reaches up to follow him, giving a subtle giggle, enjoying the chase.

“Stop fighting me and just do it already.” She says as she can feel his chest practically jumping with each stuttered inhale. Cold, clear sick coats the tip of her nose as she feels his nostrils twitching up against it. She knew that it was building up in there to the point where his nose was crying and leaking sick tears for a release.

“HhuH! …. Hh-hUh! HhIH!” She tightens the grip on his wrists in anticipation, feeling slightly aroused by it all. It was like waiting for the inevitable. A devilish smile creases her lips as she watches the rugged man’s face grimace in torment. He snuffles thickly a few times in vain, as the sick just leaked immediately back down anyway; he just accepted the fate of not being able to use his hands. He felt awkward not being able to have the freedom to cover his mouth. He wanted to turn away from her but he knew that wasn’t what she wanted. He curses mentally, feeling a little embarrassed but more irritated with the pestering itch in his sinuses.

“HIH… HHIH…! HHG’TIZGSSSSCHK’ughh!” She slams her eyes shut and flinches hard, unprepared for the sudden cold spray of sickly fluids. She wasn’t sure what position she was supposed to be in for the actual sneeze. She was too intrigued by the satisfaction of him suffering with his nose to think that far ahead. But this was something… new. “H-HUhgDzZSSSGCCH’kguhgg!! ‘HEEHGSSZCHH’uhh!!!” The second batch of mist sprays her face and she can feel glops of sick make contact with her face and chest that start to slowly drip down. At first she’s disgusted, but she is oddly satisfied in a way. The third sneeze hits her back-to-back with a new batch of wetness, and by this point, she feels like she’s being rewarded for her good deeds. A subtle moan is released, more to herself as she realizes that she liked it more than she thought she would. “Eh… HehhgKSSZCHHh’kt!!” She squirms, feeling a rush when his body jerks underneath her from the harsh coughs that follow; the rattling coughs remind him of how much he feels like a pile of crap all over again. Sick was all over both of them and he knew it. It was hard not to hide all of it, especially since he didn’t have his hands to cover or wipe away at it, and his nose was practically drooling over her nose tickling his. There was bound to be a lost of discharge. He can feel his cheeks start to flush a dark red from embarrassment as he tries so hard to sniff everything away. All he wanted to do was get out of the bath and hide on the couch. “S-sorry.” He mutters between sniffles and nose twitches, feeling slightly guilty as he tried to clean himself up without his hands.

“Thanks.” She says, kissing his now sick coated lips and giving him a smile. “Now I know.” Draco pauses for a moment, surprised at what he was hearing. Was he still hallucinating from the fever?

“Huh..??” He says, overly congested, trying to clean himself up with the bath water now that his hands are free.

“Now I know that you are the one… And this secret stays between us.” She said with a final kiss before getting out of the tub. The whole time she dried herself and left the room, Draco was still sitting there dumbfounded, overly confused about everything. He didn’t know how to feel. He was happy that he pretty much made out with his newfound crush, but… What the hell just happened??? Was any of this real..? N-no… It couldn’t have been…

“… I need to go the fuck to sleep…” He muttered before sinking into the tub again

***

“Reuben, I don’t care! I wanna open gifts now!” A loud, high-pitched voice rings the ears of Draco and causes him to stir awake against his will. “We’ve waited long enough! It’ll be New Years if we wait for him to get up!”

The rugged man sluggishly cracked open an eyelid to be blinded by the Christmas lights from the tree and the fire in the fireplace. Someone must’ve moved me back onto the couch… What the fuck… Immediately he feels his nose start to run like a faucet as he tries to sit up on the couch. He grimaces when his body aches and finds it a challenge to even sit upright. He sniffles a few times, trying to stop the leakage but it does nothing but make the sick dance around in his nostrils before returning back to the same spot it was in before so he just gives up and lets it stay there, too fatigued to attempt to blow his nose or wipe it. His heart skips a beat as he notices Sicily lying on the floor right beside the couch.

“Look who’s awake!” The pediatrician says, relieved to see him up and at ‘em. “Did we wake you?” Draco only sniffles in return, feeling grumpy and too sick to respond. He just wanted it to end. And by it, he means everything. This damn cold, flu, whatever the hell that kid gave him, Christmas, this day, pretty much EVERYTHING. Just leave him alone. “You should go back to bed and get some rest if you still aren’t feeling that well, Draco.”

“I wahs tryig do before your loud ass woge be ubp!” He yelled congestedly, coughing into the blanket right after. He winces, feeling his entire body feeling sore; inside and out. It felt like his whole body would break if he coughed or sneezed again.

“Okay, okay! Everybody calm down.” Reuben says, looking more towards Lirin as she raised a fist to him. “Don’t get too riled up, Draco. Your body is still recovering.” The rugged man leans back into the couch feeling defeated and overtaken by pain. He just wanted someone to put him out of his misery.

“I… I deed sobe paid bedicinde.” He mumbles through wet sniffles, sounding clearly beat down and worn.

“I’ll get them.” Sicily says, stretching from the floor before Reuben can leave the room. He freezes for a second but then nods in acceptance for her to get the meds. She returns a moment later, with the bottle of NyQuil and pours him a cup.

“I deed like… dhree o’ dhose…” He mutters through a strained voice as he shots the cap of medicine down.

“You ‘deed’ to blow your nose.” She jokingly mocks, pouring him a second cap full of NyQuil and handing him some tissues. He snuffles dismissively and jokingly steals the cap, chugging it down and returning it back to her with a mumbled ‘fuck you’ under his breath. She giggles, feeling slightly relieved that the old Draco was starting to come back a little. Reuben distantly watches the two from the distance, feeling a little excluded and odd. He knew something was going on here, but he wasn’t sure.

The gurgling sound in the tissues grabs the attention of the entire room as Draco gives one good blow into the handful of tissues. One blow and that’s it. Fuck it. He was too tired and that single blow took the wind and force away from him. He weakly coughed a few times into the tissues and threw them onto the floor, immediately sinking back into the couch.

“Let’s do the fucking gifts so you assholes can get out and leave me the hell alone.” He mutters, voice barely audible.

***

The gift exchange was fun for the most part. Everyone was having a great time except for Draco of course. Everyone seemed happy with their gifts. Reuben bought him a brand-new motorcycle so that he didn’t have to Uber or wait for him to drive him around. Lirin bought him a book on tips for being sober. And Sicily went out and got him a new flask with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a pack of Marlboros. One thing he could say was that this was the first Christmas that he had in a long while that actually felt homie. And it was the first Christmas that he had been too sick to participate in the festivities for.

“Alright Draco. Thanks for being apart of our Christmas and opening the gifts. We’ll get out and let you rest.” Reuben says, watching the NyQuil already start to take its’ toll.

Reuben and Lirin walk out of the room, leaving Sicily and Draco together again. She was sitting beside the rugged man on the right side of the couch. They sat together in a peaceful silence, besides Draco sniffling every couple of seconds. He didn’t mind her company. If anything, he was glad that she decided to stay.

“Alright, you’re tired. Time to go back to sleep.” Sicily says as she tries to get comfortable on the couch. “Come here.” She gently tugs on his arm for him to come closer to her on the couch. He exhaustedly obliges and nearly collapses into her chest, shifting around to get comfortable in her embrace. She blushes a little, feeling his head resting on her chest. Best Christmas gift ever, she thought to herself. She closed her eyes and raked her fingers through his damp hair, massaging his scalp as she tried to fall asleep wit the sick rugged man. She cracks an eye open as she feels the rugged man shift uncomfortably in her embrace and freeze before lightly jerking forwards twice, releasing two weak sneezes aimed at the floor.

“Hhuh’kgDTzsshn! Eh’Dsschkn!” The two weak sneezes take whatever energy he had left and he doesn’t even sniffle, feeling his entire body becoming too tired to do anything at the moment. He can only release a shaky exhale and collapse into Sicily’s embrace. She smiles, feeling overwhelmingly happy at the situation.

“Merry Christmas to me…” She happily mutters to herself before joining Draco in a long, well deserved sleep. 

END. 

Hopefully it was worth the wait LOL XD A lot is going on in this fic but I like’d working on it even though I had some intense writers blocks lol xD Like I said, I’m working on like 5 different fics all at the same time hahaha so hopefully I can post those because I been writing a lot, just not all on the same fic ahaha.

[kinnoth]

AVENGERS INFINITY WAR MEGATHREAD

-really doubt i'm gonna be able to finish this movie so we'll just see where i get to

- we already know how i feel about loki and thor, we don't need to revisit this

- ok but if i were going to revisit this, i mean come on, who wants to talk about "hela draws her power from asgard, same as you" cos i wanna talk about that

like what if that's the reason thor, god of thunder, king to a civilisation of warriors, was unable to fend off like, 4 dudes and a big purple dinosaur? the royal family of asgard draws its power from asgard, and without it, they are weak, they are mortal. maybe that's why heimdall is unable to just, you know, bifrost everybody off the fucking ship the minute it comes under attack. maybe that's why loki can't fucking conjure up a swarm of fucking microscopic knives to fillet the invaders from the inside out. MAYBE THAT'S WHY LOKI TRIES TO KILL THANOS WITH A FUCKING DAGGER. BECAUSE TAKE AWAY HIS POWER, TAKE AWAY HIS GODHOOD, WHAT DOES HE HAVE LEFT OTHER THAN HIS WILE, HIS TRICKS AND HIS BROTHER

WHAT IF IN SAVING THE UNIVERSE AND DESTROYING ASGARD, THEY'VE LOST EVERYTHING INCLUDING WHAT MAKES THEM GODS

somebody talk about this

- etc etc what if the reason loki is unable to attack the purple dinosaur with magic is because when he tackled thor earlier, he used whatever magic he had left to spare in order to heal him

checks out cos thor goes from flat on his face to swinging his fists in the space of like 30 seconds and the only thing to happen to him in between is said bit about loki tackling him

- why does heimdall save hulk? i mean, i could understand it if he were trying to aim the bifrost at thor and somebody somehow knocked off his aim and he accidentally saves hulk, but like, we've established that heimdall's loyalty is to the royal seat of asgard upon whom sits thor's mighty ass. thor who, in this scene, has just been incapacitated by a metal eggshell(?) and is at the mercy of their assailants. given heimdall's priorities, it is baffling to the point of inconceivability that he would preferentially save fucking HULK over his own king.

- if this next scene isn't the guardians of the galaxy coming across thor clutching loki's dead fucking body floating through space then i don't know why any of us are even here

- "he sent loki! the attack on new york was thanos!" makes no sense? like, if loki's scepter had the mind stone in it, which we established it did in the last movie when we broke it open to retrieve vision, then.....why didn't thanos just....take the mind stone in the first place? cos rock collecting is and has always been his goal?

what, do you think that just because you assert a thing makes us forget all the shit that happened before?

- i.....am actually with tony stark. why don't they just destroy the stones they have so that thanos can't get to them? oh, you made a promise? well promises change and circumstances change! you tell him tony! you tell that stupid fucker --

oh my god i'm gonna be ill

- i think the only person whose ego can match tony stark's is probably a neurosurgeon so 👍 i guess

-i love how we immediately went back to the "so dark can't see shit" aesthetic after ragnorak because ensuring that one's audience can SEE what is HAPPENING IN YOUR MOVIE is apparently for radical directors like taika waititi

- cannot believe that tony stark staring at captain america's phone number is being played with the same emotional intensity as thor losing his soulmate entire people

- honestly how many times is the mcu gonna invoke 9/11 imagery til someone calls them out for being terrorists

- lmao i know i said this before but peter's spidey senses tingling AFTER the giant alien anus has already started sucking up new york and it is right outside his window is fucking hilarious. that's just called using your eyeballs peter

- "friday notify first responders about the giant alien anus sucking up new york" lol like the first thing somebody did when the alien anus showed up wasn't to fucking call 911 GREAT IDEA TONY

- still can't believe that they let failed neurosurgeon dr strange do more magic than god of tricks and sorcery loki lol

- i know i rag on dr strange a lot about the fact that he's a neurosurgeon it's just that he sucks.

as a neurosurgeon eyy.

- i hate that peter parker has to be here!!!!! leave him alone!!!!!

- tony stark should not be allowed within 100 feet of children or minorities

- it is very weird to me that steve "brooklyn" rogers has an area code from georgia

- since when was hela a half-sister? ODIN'S DAUGHTER AND THOR'S BLOODED SIBLINGS OR BUST YOU FUCKING COWARDS

- i am very disappointed that thor is going to go get another weapon after we spent the whole last movie talking about how he is not the god of hammers

- i just need thor to have much more PTSD than he has right now. fucking hulk has ptsd. maybe they're saving the ptsd for later. one can only hope.

- i am glad that they are letting him be cleverer though

- THEY ARE LETTING VISION DATE A TEENAGER WHY

GOD. FUCKING GROSS.

- wait when did vision turn into a white man again? did i miss that movie?

- i am disappointed that vision the computer techno robot apparently has a penis. like what a stupid limitation to give your computer techno robot, gender. 🙄

- i think that the mass destruction of infrastructure and architecture in the MCU is because of the pg13 no blood limitation that disney has set? like there's no way to show destruction to the body, so one may only show the exponential destruction to one's surroundings. like imagine how much more dramatic intensity you could wring out of a regular fight scene would be if people were allowed to bleed?

- cannot believe that a computer techno robot and a witch are having a punch up with the bad guys. of all people to fight with something not their fists, it's these two

- wanda has no enhanced strength or durability? she's a regular teenager who's a bit witchy. the first time she got thrown through a glass door should have shattered her vertebrae. again i don't understand why we insist that everybody must have the same powers and capabilities when it's clear they don't. think about how much more interesting it would be if some avengers were more fragile than others and had to be given accommodations as such

- IT IS INCONCEIVABLE TO ME THAT FUCKING BLACK WIDOW (regular human), CAPTAIN AMERICA (enhanced human), AND FALCON (regular human with wings) CAN DEFEAT THE CHILDREN OF THANOS WHEN THOR COULDN'T UNLESS THOR (god of fucking thunder carved of steel and stone) WAS NERFED

- still don't understand how we'll lend aliens afro features but not afro hair, like, seriously? you're gonna dream up green aliens with gills who look like black people but imagining them with black hair is a step too far?

- the gap of commentary in this liveblog is simply because i do not care at all for the galaxy defenders

- "earth just lost her best defender" who? who does captain america consider earth's best defender? it's not thor; he doesn't know thor's presumed dead. it's not tony; he doesn't know tony's on an alien anus. who else has died so far?

- love how exhausted bucky looks. have always loved how exhausted bucky looks. love bucky.

- i forgot that tony was with peter parker. god i hate that.

- "i'm peter btw"

"dr strange"

"oh you're using the made up names then. i'm spider man"

ok that was cute, but peter's cute, we knew that already

- i want to fling both strange and stark into space and i'm having a hard time deciding which one to push first

- "you went to bed hungry, scraping for scraps" oohhhh thanos is just anti-poor people, he would literally rather poor people be dead than struggle, i get it nowww

this is on brand for mcu

- oh my god thanos gets 2/6 stones by torturing siblings in front of other siblings, seriously? you couldn't come up with 6 different ways to find his stupid rocks you had to reuse one twice?

- which one of thor's friends was stabbed through the heart....? fandral??

- "if i don't get my vengeance what more could i lose" more like what else is there eh? what else is there for a king of no people but their vengeance?

- CANNOT BELIEVE THEY GAVE HIM BACK AN EYEBALL JESUS CHRIST IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE THOR RAGNORAK JUST SAY SO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO FUCKING

VEHICLE FOR AUTHORITARIANISM, NOTHING IS ALLOWED TO CHANGE, FUCK YOUR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I GOT MINE

FUCK

- i do enjoy that thor is now science fiction rather than fantasy, i don't think anybody knew what to do with fantasy cos fantasy is again, ultimately about conservatism and the status quo. so i do like that we're embracing the new and boundless for whatever that's worth.

- marvel is a cesspool of toxic masculinity. at no point are characters allowed to actually feel anything because weakness is uncool i guess and therefore unmanful. like thor lost ALL OF HIS PEOPLE. fucking ALL of them. he watched his brother die in order to save him. he is not allowed a single fucking response of mourning. i don't care if he's pushing it back because revenge or whatever, this is the sort of grief that rules you, which will bring all your load bearing structures down to heel, and they let him do nothing; he does not even rage. perfect control. smooth witticisms. why. why aren't we allowed to see his sadness?

- yo i can't believe red skull is a scifi villain now lol space nazis for real

- OH MY GOD THEY WASHED BUCKY'S WIG AND IT LOOKS SO BAD

- michael b jordan was right btw wakanda is complicit in africa's exploitation

- i do LIKE black panther i guess in the way you technically like that cousin you met once when you were like 9 and never saw again?

i like how we have here in wakanda the sears tower (chicago), the batman building (nashville), and the gherkin (london)

- ok but like, presumably not a death cult super technologically advanced wakandans who are deffo made of human flesh and human blood still arm their people with spears

i mean unless wakanda is also a death cult

why is this chicks entire fucking face cgi'd she looks like a fucking cut scene video game character

- oh ok they have LASER spears, ok

so then why did they give bucky a fucking gun

- what is bucky supposed to be able to contribute here exactly, like fucking, again, he's spycraft isn't he? he's a one man, dead of night, operation go loud and then immediately silent kinda operation. why do they have him on the front lines of a fucking lock-step formation battle??

- "it will be the noblest ending in history" WHAT, FIRST COUNTRY TO EVER BE OVERUN BY ALIEN JACKALS??

- stormbreaker is just leviathan axe, somebody's said this already right

- omfg i'm so glad they're finally acknowledging that thor is OP as fuck and does not belong amongst the fucking squabbles of earth

-"titan was like most planets, too many mouths to feed not enough to go around, so i proposed a plan, dispassionate to rich and poor alike" JUST SAY YOU HATE POOR PEOPLE MCU. YOU CANNOT HAVE RICH AND POOR, YOU CANNOT HAVE DISPARITY, YOU CANNOT HAVE SOME WITH TOO MUCH AND OTHERS WITH NOT ENOUGH AND CALL IT EXTINCTION. THAT IS NOT A QUESTION OF OVERTAXED RESOURCES THAT IS A QUESTION OF RESOURCE FUCKING MANAGEMENT. IT IS AN ARTIFICIAL CRISIS IF THERE EXISTS ENOUGH TO GO AROUND BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST HOARDING IT THAT'S WHEN YOU KILL THOSE PEOPLE AND TAKE THEIR SHARE. KILLING HALF THE PEOPLE IS THE KIND OF FUCKING SOLUTION TO INEQUALITY THAT RICH PEOPLE COME UP WITH

GOD. ITS LIKE NONE OF YOU EVER READ

-you've got the big fucking boss in an ambush AND YOU ATTACK HIM WITH A MAGIC SWORD STEVEN STRANGE?????

THIS FRANCHISE HAS NO IDEA HOW TO UTILISE MAGIC USERS FUCKING HELL

- when will somebody please utilise ironman like the one man artillery he fucking is WHY IS HE FIGHTING WITH HIS STUPID FISTS HE IS LITERALLY ONE CONTINUOUS CARPET BOMB JUST USE HIM THAT WAY

cut of his arm CUT OFF HIS ARM YOU BLOODLESS SPINELESS USELESS FUCKING CUNTS . this is a manufactured crisis, KIND OF LIKE THE ONES THANOS LIKES I GUESS LOL

- dr strange could have very easily prevented or stopped quill from punching thanos but he didn't cos i guess even the movie forgets steven strange exists sometimes

- i like that the shield around wakanda has the same weakness as a poorly constructed chicken coop -- you always build into the ground a couple feet to stop the diggers man, come on, what is this, your first energy shield?

- oh disgusting, a girl boss moment. whatever you're all fascists.

- nobody adores martial might like fascists do fucking change my mind

- " avengers: not one person in this fucking cast is able to stomach ANY AMOUNT of personal sacrifice" more like

- "why did you give away the time stone?" "we are in the endgame" THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER THAT'S A FUCKING MOVIE TEASER FUCK YOU

- why didn't strange just trap thanos in a timeloop again? we've already established that is a perfectly acceptable way to deal with planetary annihilation. IS IT POSSIBLY BECAUSE NOBODY ON THIS WRITING STAFF KNOWS HOW TO DEAL WITH MAGIC

- THOR OP BLIZZARD PLS NERF

-CAPTAIN MARVEL SERIOUSLY THAT'S WHO YOU'RE GONNA SEND YOUR LAST PAGE TO JESUS FUCKING DISGUSTING