#and come from away is a million times better than deh

[halfthealphabet]

look i love the lighting thief and im actually not arguing that it deserved to win because im not familiar with the other musicals but not even being NOMINATED???? hideous. next level cruelty. there was no reason the actors weren't nominated (chris maccarrell esp because only one other person was nominated as a male lead that year) and score should have also been nominated (re again how it was up again jukebox musicals)

is the lighting thief a timeless masterpiece? no. but its fun and was a fantastic adaptation of the source material. i saw it as a workshop, off broadway, and on browadway and was absolutely delighted every single time.

These options DO NOT reflect my personal opinions! I have simply seen people complain about these.

[theowlsarequeer]

Give Me a Musical About All of America’s Problems

Like give me a musical about some teenage girl with anxiety and ADHD who lives with her older brother because one of her parents got deported or something and the other is in Afghanistan. In the opening number it’s a ‘normal’ day, where she watches depressing news and carefully chooses clothes that she knows will make rapists avoid her. She then walks to her school with no arts programs and doesn’t help her with her ADHD like, at all. She talks to her best friend who’s struggling with depression, self harm, and 3+ suicide attempts but is being shamed for all of the above. This does not make our hero happy. She worries about it while struggling through part of a class. There’s a Come From Away-esque number in which someone comes on the loudspeaker, says there’s a lockdown, someone says “I didn’t know we had a drill today,” someone else says “we didn’t.” They’re locked in a closet for hours hearing gunshots. Eventually the shooter gets arrested. Her brother comes to pick her up and they have a big hug. They go home. Her brother’s seen this happen a million times before, and has a song about how he knows the media’s going to treat his sister like a hero and then it’ll turn on her plus how they won’t be able to get trauma help or anything easily because therapy is expensive, they have no insurance, and she’d probably get shamed for it which is not what they need at that exact moment. In the next few days the shooter walks free, people are harassing the kids who lived through it on the internet, and politicians are sending ‘thoughts and prayers.’ The girl’s friend succeeds at committing suicide right before intermission. After intermission the girl decides to do something about it. She organizes a walk-out, and that’s a big amazing number. People are horrible to her and she has PTSD, not to mention that she’s devastated about her friend, but she tries to persevere. She makes a suicide attempt but her brother stops her. He tells her she can’t stop this from happening to someone else if she’s dead. He’s trying but doesn’t know what to do. Eventually she marches on Washington with kids from around the country. At the end of the show, nothing’s changed much but overall she’s doing better than she was at intermission plus she’s an excellent activate for gun control. The audience leaves crying but there’s amazing songs so they keep listening to it. It’s got a very diverse cast so everyone can see themselves in it.

I’ll write it if I have to, but I’d prefer someone else write it in the next couple years, as I’m mediocre at best. Hold open, well-advertised auditions if you do, I’ll come. This needs to happen, you saw what DEH did. 

[wings-of-indigo]

So, Waitress is closing and Why I am Happy about that: An Exceedingly long essay Rant about Broadway

Look. Nobody's gonna read this, most likely, but it's 2 in the morning and my brain's been obsessing over Broadway (more than usual, anyway) since communing with my people at intensive this week. So, in the interest of getting some sleep before 8 hrs of dance and shitty high notes tomorrow, here goes.

I love classic, high-school-and-community standard musicals. I love new and experimental musicals. I love Disney film-to-stage musicals. I love institution musicals like Chorus Line, Cats, and Wicked; I even have a soft spot for Phantom. I am eagerly anticipating West Side Story next Christmas (seriously, I have a calander).

BUT.

As I said to one of my fellow dancers during post-class stretch (after noting his insane flexibilty and making yet another resolution to stretch more) I am Sick to GoDAMnEd DEATH of revivals, franchise adaptions, and restagings taking up the Broadway and greater theater markets.

I get why it's happening; I do. Musical theater, even shows that never make it out of Regional productions (Be More Chill, btw, I'm so proud of you bby :'-D ) are REALLY FREAKING EXPENSIVE, not just to stage, but also to develop. Broadway productions nowadays regularly go upwards of TENS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS in costs.

Those costs are more and more frequently being met through funding by large groups of wealthy investors, who can expect basically little to no return on that investment. Only a select few shows that make it to the Great White Way do well enough to turn a profit (let alone the kinds of numbers that Hamilton, DEH, and Wicked continue to make), and more and more shows are closing in defict or once they break even. (Coincidentally, this is probably why we're seeing more and more straight plays on Broadway, especially in limited engagements. They're quicker, cheaper, and still have the same level of prestige.)

It makes sense then to assume that a show linked to an already successful property has a better chance of reaching that break-even mark, or perhaps generating a small return, than a more original idea. It's a surer bet, and we've seen it a lot these past few seasons. Anastasia, Beetlejuice, Pretty Woman, Moulin Rouge, Mean Girls... we get it. We promise. Investors want some security in an extremely and notoriously insecure market before they're willing to lay out the dough.

I get it. Everybody gets it.

And, to be fair, some of those shows are and continue to be GOOD. Tony nominees and award winners, even. But here's the problem: it's boring.

And not because I know how Act 2 ends without getting spoilers on tumblr. Unless they're younger than ten, the population of Broadway-and-musicals fans generally has a good handle on where a show's relevant plotlines are going. It's really not the wanting to know the end that keeps your butt in your overpriced red velvet seat and your eyes on the stage. It's the score, the words, occasionally the choreography, and most importantly the magicians on, off, and backstage bringing those things to life in a new and interesting way.

The antithesis of this, then, is having to watch slavish recreation of iconic scenes, lines, and characters from iconic films, presented Onstage! (TM), now with Bonus Songs! for your reconsumption. (Yes, Pretty Woman, I'm looking at you.)

Hey, I love Pretty Woman the Movie, slightly dodgy messages about feminity aside. I love it as a movie, and I really don't need to watch the knock off version of it, even if it comes in a shiny Broadway package.

Anastasia, and Beetlejuice, on the other hand, work extrodinarily well as musicals because they are NOT carbon copies of the original, somehow miraculously transplanted onto the stage.

Ironically, musicals based on original ideas are actually some of the most successful and well reviewed recent productions. Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, Come From Away, and Hadestown this season are all original works, and well, look at them. (Fishy, huh? Coincidence, I think the fuck not.)

Recently I got to see The Prom on Broadway, the day after I saw Pretty Woman. The contrast between shows and my enjoyment of them was well defined. I couldn't look away from The Prom, despite many of the major story beats being as obvious as our Cheeto-in-Chief's spray tan. I and the entire rest of the theater were completely engaged by what was going on onstage, both comedically and dramatically. At Pretty Woman, I found myself checking the Playbill to see how many songs were left for me to make it through and anxiously comparing the size of my thighs to the dancers onstage to pass the time (ah, pre pro Body Issues, welcome back! We all thought you'd retired!)

Three guesses which show I'd choose to see again.

When I read that Waitress was closing, the first thing I did was panic and start marking pre January weekends where I would both be free and possibly have disposable income (I've never gotten to see the show, and frankly I would like too). My second reaction was, yes, to mourn the closure of a wonderful show, but it was mixed with hopeful anticipation. Waitress had a good long time in the sun, and just like a well lived life, eventually it must and should end. It's better, in my humble student opinion, to live with memories and cast albums (and regional productions) than the stodgy life of a show that's jealously clung to its Broadway berth through the tourist-and-date-night trade (*cough*Phantom*cough*). It's sort of like your 40 something mother taking selfies in booty shorts in an effort to prove she's still 'hip' and in her twenties. Cringe.

Ephemera is the nature of live performance, and probably part of its allure. And just like in the natural world, old things have to end so that new things can become. Waitress closing is a vital part of this cycle.

Broadway has a limited number of theaters. That's a hard and absolute fact. Maybe a quarter of them are effectively taken off the market for new shows by productions apparently cursed with immortality. Waitress has just opened up another spot both physically and creatively for a new project- hopefully something we haven't seen before- and I hope to God, Satan, and Sondheim that it doesn't get filled with another franchise spinoff, celebrity jukebox musical, or -Lin Miranda forbid - yet another revival.

Why the revival hate, though? Aren't revivals an major way to revisit the landmark and important musicals of the past and bring them to a new audience?

Well, yes. They are, especially when they're staged and presented with the emphasis on letting the music and words speak for themselves and giving the actors leeway to work with the material, without the typical levels of Broadway Extra (TM) and creative meddling from the producers. (The recent Lincoln Center staging of A Chorus Line is a good example of the stripped down style I'm talking about.) But even if they have their place, once again, revivals (while valuable and cool and all that) are Something We've Already Seen.

Let's take Newsies for example. A show with a huge fan base (mostly teen, mostly girls) who I frequently see wishing for a revival.

Now, I am a raging Newsies fan. Newsies is the show that got me started on attempting to make a profession out of dance and theater. I can sing both the OBC and Live albums back to front. I may or may not have had embarrassing crushes on certain cast and characters that I will take to my grave (I'll never tell and you'll never know, mwahhaha). So, do I love and worship ever iteration of this show? Yes. Do I wish I had been able to see either the Natl Tour or Broadway productions? Hell yes, with all my heart. Do I wish the Gatelli choreography was in any way accessible for me to learn? More than I want Broadway tickets to cost less than my soul, kidney, and hypothetical but unlikely first born combined.

But do I want a Broadway revival? Hell FUCKING No.

It's over, it's done, and it lives on in reinterpretation in regional and junior productions. Good. That, to be quite honest, is where it should belong.

It doesn't need to be rehashed on the biggest stages, and to be frank, neither do most of the ultra popular revivals that have been happening. (Yes, Ali Stoker is awesome and deserves the world, but Broadway does not need Oklahoma. If you need to see it that bad, go find a high school production somewhere. I recommend the midwest.) Broadway does not need 1776 (even though I am looking forward to it). Broadway does not need a Sweeney Todd revival (even though I want one like I want ice cream after suffering through jazz class in an un-air-conditioned studio on a 90 degree afternoon with no breeze. Seriously, I might be making sacrifices at my altar to this cause in the back of my closet).

Broadway needs musicals that are at least nominally original, and if not, come from something obscure enough (Kinky Boots, Waitress, Newsies) that they can make their own way. Barring that, investors, writers, and directors, please have the courage and decency to take established content in a new direction. Please, I'm begging you. I'd honestly-and-truly much rather sit through something that didn't try to shove the better version of itself down my throat even as it bored and annoyed me to tears. If I'm going to pay $80+ to sit through two hours of something terrible (and less engaging than my dancer body image issues) at least let me get my money's worth in unique horribleness.

[theaterdisneynerdsunite]

A (Controversial) Ranking Of 2010’s 10 Tony Winning Best Musicals

Remember when I thought this blog would be full of original theater content? Oops. Anyways here’s my list. Keep in mind some of these were incredibly close. I kept switching around 7/8, 5/6, and 3/4, but this is what I ultimately settled on. There’s a certain placement that I’m sure a lot of people are going to say is way too low, I’m not saying this is the definitive ranking or “correct”, just my personal opinion based on my individual taste. There are a bunch of musicals from this decade that I love that didn’t win the Tony, but that’s an entirely separate list lol.

10: Memphis

Tbh I know nothing about this show. It could be fantastic, but I’ve never heard the soundtrack, know nothing about it, and am unfortunately unable to listen to the soundtrack until 2020. Nothing against Memphis, I just don’t know anything about it which is why I put it at the bottom

9: Dear Evan Hansen

Put down your pitchforks. This is why I put controversial in the title. I’ve listened to this show multiple times, I’ve read the plot a bunch of times, I’ve had DEH Stan’s try to change my mind, I really, really wanted to like this show. The actors are incredibly talented and have great voices, no complaints there. I have anxiety and other mental health conditions and I was ecstatic at hearing about a show getting popular being about those things. I wanted to like this show. I wanted to connect to Evan, I really did, but the way the story is written makes me deeply uncomfortable with what it says about mental illness, and the music is fine but doesn’t distract from the story for me. It’s sort of generic music wise in my opinion. The way they portray both Connor’s and Evan’s characters makes me actively dislike the show, and it is really, really hard to make me actively dislike a show. I feel ambivalent sometimes, I have mixed feelings sometimes, but I actively dislike this show and that almost never happens. Also NPATGCO1812’s score and staging was phenomenal, Come From Away was sentimental and moving without feeling corny, and Groundhog Day surprised me by being better than I expected. I literally preferred every other show in the category from that year, I know a lot of people love it and that’s great but this is where it falls for me.

8. Once

I love the song Falling Slowly, and I think the actors dancing with instruments on stage was really cool. I think it was one of the first times it was done on Broadway, but I’m not sure. Other than the plot being a bit contrived and flat for me, there’s nothing I really dislike about this show. I just...feel nothing about this show. It’s fine, the music is good background study music, it just didn’t leave much of an impression for me.

7. Book of Mormon

So the songs in this show are absolute bops, and some of the wordplay is fantastic. I can appreciate this show for what it was trying to do. But ultimately, this show comes down to the humor, and you either like this style of humor or you don’t. I never personally found South Park to be my taste in humor. If you like South Park, you’re going to love this show. Even though I don’t find South Park funny, there were parts of this show I laughed at. But there were also parts that I cringed at and the cringe parts increased in hindsight. The songs are my favorite part: Hello, Sal Tlay Ka Siti, Turn it Off, Baptize Me, Mostly Me, I love those songs.

6. Fun Home

This show may have three Alison’s, which are all really good, but it felt like two plots to me. There is the story of Alison and her relationship with her father, and there’s the story of Alison’s self discovery and realizing her identity. These stories intertwine, but I personally find the self discovery and realizing her sexuality story much more interesting and compelling, and I also prefer the songs that are a part of that journey. Ring of Keys and Changing My Major are my favorite songs from the cast album. I read the graphic novel and it seems like it is really true to the spirit of the book. This and Memphis are the only ones I haven’t seen or seen a bootleg of, so I’m not really able to comment on the costumes, acting, choreography, setting etc, but for the most part I like what I’ve heard.

5. Band’s Visit

Another show that really comes down to taste. I liked this show when I saw it, the person who came with me didn’t. Part of the point of the show is rather than go to a big exciting city, they end up in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere in a desert where nothing happens. There are multiple songs dedicated to how nothing happens. And there are a bunch of mini story arcs with varying degrees of focus put on them, the focus shifts to much for anything to really happen. Which is the point, and it’s interesting, you just have to know what you’re in for. It feels like Waiting for Godot set to music, which if you like waiting for Godot like I do is a good thing. The romances are sweet. It feels like it should be in a more intimate off broadway setting, but I like it. The music is hit or miss for me, but the hits nail it out of the park. I like a lot of the songs but I love Omar Sharif, I could listen to it on repeat for hours.

4. Kinky Boots

This show is absolutely fantastic and I love everything about it. The fact that it’s at #4 for me was a shock, because this show is so good. This shows how strong the top of the list is in my opinion, because this show knocks it out of the park. This show has so much heart and sole. The costumes, especially for the drag queens, are stunning, the choreography like the boxing match and the conveyor belt dance are really cool, the acting is phenomenal, and the songs. The songs are so good. If they want to make you laugh they make you laugh, if they want to make you cry they make you cry, if they want to make you dance along belting out at the top of your lungs they are going to make you do that. Seriously, this show is so good.

3. Gentlemen’s Guide to Love and Murder

This just barely edged out Kinky Boots, because I feel like most people like and appreciate Kinky Boots, and I feel like Gentleman’s Guide is severely underrated and ranking it higher is going to let me talk about it even longer. This show isn’t as deep as Kinky Boots but it doesn’t try to be. What this show is, and why I think it’s underrated, is pure comedy. There are a lot of comedic Best Musicals sure, but the comedy is only part of it, but this one is wholeheartedly a comedy, which I feel is kind rare. A lot of things have comedy but it seems like not many are straight up comedy anymore. And the thing is... I’m not usually a fan of straight up comedy, like there are very few straight comedy movies that I enjoy, so the fact that I love this so much when I expected to only like it makes it even better. And as much as I call it a pure comedy, it’s got beautiful love song, great commentary, and a couple of twists that are fun even though you see them coming. The murders are really creative and funny. The characters are great, I love the gag with the Dysquiths where all of the murdered people are played by one actor. The acting, costume quick changes, and everything involved in pulling it off is so cool. I love the songs so much, I don’t think there’s a weak one in the bunch. And one scene may have one of my favorite bits of choreography of all time. It only needs three people, a doorframe and a chair. It’s not flashy or involves a million moving pieces like the costume bit does, but it is ingenious in its simplicity and comedic timing. This show seems largely forgotten by people, maybe because it’s not trying to be deep, but it 100% deserves more love than it gets.

2. Hadestown

If Gentleman’s Guide is one of the funniest shows I’ve ever seen, this is one of my favorite modern cast albums. This also hits a lot of my personal interests, so that definitely helps. I love Greek mythology, I love the anachronistic but also roaring 20’s setting, I love the genres of music they pull from, I love the oral tradition storytelling feel it has, it hits so many of my stylistic favorites that I naturally feel pulled towards it. I love the music, if you asked me to pick my top five, no top ten songs from this show I couldn’t do it. The casting fits the characters perfectly, and the songs match the characters so well. The lyrics are fantastic and the themes are both timeless and incredibly relevant. It feels like it was written in the past year or two, especially the song Why we Build the Wall, but it was written way before ‘Build the wall’ was ever a thing. And the design of the show is so incredibly effective, everything contributes to the feel of the piece and the function of the show. Everything seems so well thought out and crafted, from the costumes to the choreography to the script to the music, there is so much attention to detail and is so intricately tied together even though it feels simple, earnest and straightforward. Which to me is an incredibly difficult needle to thread. Like the famous Dolly Parton quote “it takes a lot of work to look this cheap”, it is such a complex show that looks so simple. And it’s so immersive, you fall into the story. You know how it ends, it tells you from the beginning how it ends, but that doesn’t stop you from feeling exactly what they’re feeling, from believing wholeheartedly that it could end differently despite knowing how it ends, it’s a masterful piece of art.

1. Hamilton

I doubt this comes as a surprise to anyone, even if I did technically make you Wait For It. I feel like calling it a cultural phenomenon is underselling it’s impact. There’s nothing I could possibly say about this show that hasn’t been said hundreds of thousands of times already. This show is a piece of lyrical genius, of musical genius too but a lyrical masterpiece. This show was like Rent was in the 90’s or Wicked in the 00’s, not only an instant classic that permanently affected the modern theater world, but outside of theater as well. I have loved theater long before Hamilton, but this show spoke to so many people outside of theater, made so many people fall in love with theater that wouldn’t have otherwise. It might not be my favorite show by Lin Manuel Miranda, it might not even be my personal favorite one on this list to see live, but nothing else could possibly take the top spot of this list for me. Who would have thought a hip hop inspired rap musical about a relatively ignored founding father would become the juggernaut it is. I don’t know what else to say that other people haven’t said already. It’s Hamilton, what else can I say?

[ohscorbus]

Hello and welcome to the Cursed Child/Dear Evan Hansen AU. 

Evan Hansen - Scorpius Malfoy (Hufflepuff)

Heidi Hansen - Draco Malfoy

Connor Murphy - James Sirius Potter (Gryffindor)

Zoe Murphy - Albus Severus Potter (Slytherin)

Cynthia Murphy - Ginny Weasley

Larry Murphy - Harry Potter

Alana Beck - Rose Granger-Weasley 

Jared Kleinman - Teddy Lupin (Hufflepuff)

Draco is raising his socially awkward son on little money (war reparations cleared the Malfoy’s out and decent work is hard to come by with his history) without Astoria (who still dies because even if this is an AU, she’d never abandon them willingly.) Scorpius means more to him than anything and he does everything he can to help him. Whether it’s mind healers or potions or just a simple hug or quick conversation at the end of the day. He knows school isn’t easy for Scorpius with his family name but he’s dedicated his life to making things right. For himself and for his son.

James is the first born who’s suppose to be the role model for his younger siblings and on the surface that’s exactly what he is. The proud son of Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley. The popular guy and Quidditch captain. He has friends in the classroom and fans on the pitch and but on the inside? He’s a lonely mess. His friends don’t know the real him. He’s lived behind a mask of smiles and lies for years until finally, it just gets too much…

Albus is the typical middle child. He’s struggling with himself, with school, with his family. He focuses on his guitar in hopes it’ll drown out all of his problems. It can’t though. He watches his family crumble in the wake of his brother’s death. But not him. He’s angry. He feels lied to, betrayed. They could have helped each other. They were both suffering and they could have saved each other but instead James just left.

Scorpius is trying to please his dad, survive school, and connect with Albus, the beautiful boy in the school band who plays like no one’s watching. He’s the bright spark in his murky world. But his anxiety makes him awkward and sweaty and unable to approach. So he daydreams and studies and shuffles from appointment to appointment in hopes it’ll stop his dad from worrying.

Rose is focused on school and breaking all those records she’d told herself she’d do in first year. She’s sacrificed friends and family time but she didn’t realise the impact that had until it was too late. Every time she speaks of James now the ache in her chest gets heavier. She should have known. She should have been there. So she pretends she was to ease the guilt.

Teddy makes uncool ‘cool’ and says he talks to Scorpius because it makes his grandmother happy, but really it’s because he doesn’t have too many friends himself. His bumbling family friend (they’re actually related but they don’t talk about it) might be the school pariah but it isn’t unusual to find them hanging out in the Hufflepuff common room together.

(You’ll need to already know the story of DEH to follow this as I haven’t written up every single step of the plot. But hopefully, to those of you familiar with it, it’s enough to follow and make you cry enjoy.)

“Anybody Have a Map?” - Dear Scorpius Malfoy, today’s going to be a good day and here’s why… Draco gives his son a pep talk before school. Ginny is juggling her husband’s excessive work hours, Lily’s breakfast, Albus’s refusal to wake up, and James slips through her fingers. He says he has Quidditch practice early and leaves without food or a goodbye.

“Waving Through a Window” - School has been a lonely place for Scorpius. Life outside of the classroom isn’t much better either.

James finds Scorpius on the school grounds and asks him why nobody has signed his cast yet. He makes the saddest little chuckle when Scorpius explains it’s because he has no friends. James feels that. He signs it so big that it doesn’t matter that no one will sign it. He always has been good at filling empty spaces with false facades.

Scorpius is sat outside writing his letter to himself before class. It’s all going okay until he loses it in a freak gust of wind and it ends up in the path of James, who’s walking back from training. He picks it up before Scorpius can get to it and they both freeze when James reads Albus’s name aloud. He felt sorry for this boy before, now he’s angry. He’s just another ‘Potter’ fan. He pockets the letter and storms off before Scorpius can properly explain. Or get his letter back.

“For Forever” - All Scorpius has ever wanted was a best friend to get up to mayhem with. He thought, once he finally got to Hogwarts, it would happen. But it didn’t. They saw his hair and heard his name and that was enough for people to walk away. This picture perfect afternoon didn’t happen with James, but it happens all the time in his head. Him and his best friend. Goofing around like buddies do. It was easy to lie as it brought him just as much comfort, losing himself in the dream, as it does the Potters in their relief that their son wasn’t as alone as they had feared.

“Sincerely, Me” - Teddy teases Scorpius about how making it sound like he was in a secret relationship with James will do him no favours in trying to win Albus’s heart. Scorpius is mortified and flustered but they push on to write the ‘secret’ letters.  

“Requiem” - James wasn’t the only one struggling, Albus was too. But was open about it. Yet James never once reached out when he could have and should have as a brother in Albus’s eyes. He feels betrayed and even more alone and absolutely refuses to grieve. Ginny is completely blindsided and finds comfort in the letters. She sees the care and the jokes in his words and mourns the loss of the boy she knew at heart. Harry cannot process any of it. He’s done nothing but his best but he still failed. He doesn’t understand. Now he’s watching his family break and he’s feeling just as lost but still he tries.

“If I Could Tell Her” - Albus is a hard nut to crack but slowly and surely, Scorpius’s words get through to him. These observations aren’t the obvious ones, the kind that end up in the gossip columns in the Prophet. They’re the subtle things that make Albus Albus so they must come from James because who else would be paying him that much attention? The way he still doodles on his dad’s face in the newspaper. Those subtle green streaks he put in his hair in fifth year. How his sleeves are always a little too big but he likes it. The way he smiles when he plays his guitar as if there’s no audience at all. The near kiss brings him back to the present and he runs off. Utterly confused at Scorpius’s action and even more so at his own feelings.

“Disappear” - Scorpius rallies Teddy and Rose and they start The James Project. They hope to raise awareness by campaigning to name one of the Quidditch stands in his honour. They hope it’ll remind students that they’re not alone. On the pitch, in the stand, and in life. 

“You Will Be Found” - Scorpius pushes aside his anxiety and gives the speech that surprisingly makes the front page of The Daily Prophet. He’s overwhelmed by the positive reaction, both from the media and the other kids at school. It brings him hope and he clutches the tie around his neck and, not for the first time, wishes he really was a friend to James.

Scorpius’s lies get him tangled up into the Potter’s lives and he goes along with it to help them. But all too soon he’s caught up in mum hugs and Harry’s attention. It’s easy to admire Harry. Harry is everything Draco isn’t in everybody’s eyes. The hero. Life with the Potters is different. Better. People talk to him at school. He doesn’t need his medication. And then there’s Albus...

“To Break in a Glove” - Harry’s instincts have always been to save. So he sees Scorpius alone, having lost his best friend, and he’ll step in and do everything he can to help. That’s exactly how he’s going to work through this unimaginable pain. He’ll try and save another child. A young boy who doesn’t deserve to suffer his father’s sins, to lose a parent, to be without friends.

“Only Us” - Albus finally visits the small house the Malfoys call home and tries to reassure Scorpius. He likes him. Just him. For exactly who he is. The geekiness, the sweaty palms, the rambling. Those are his favourite things about him.

“Good For You” - Draco gets an invite to the Potters house. He watches as his son walks in without knocking, like he lives there, like he apparently has been. Scorpius sees the moment it clicks for his father. When he realises everything he’s done hasn’t been enough, that he’s not enough. Draco shows anger but Scorpius sees his heart break. Their argument at home only makes things worse. Rose is furious and Teddy won’t talk to him. Everything is falling apart for Scorpius.

“Words Fail” - Suffocating in the guilt as the Potters are subjected to cruelty Scorpius knows only too well, he finally breaks and it costs him everything. Ginny walks off without a hug. Albus leaves without looking at him, as if he’s invisible. Again. Harry pauses but there are no words. He turns away and Scorpius returns home. To his dad and his regret.

“So Big / So Small” - And I knew there would be space I couldn’t fill and I knew I’d come up short a million different ways and I did, and I do, and I will… Draco and Scorpius finally talk openly about Astoria and the irreplaceable space she left behind. They talk about the war. Draco’s guilt at the toll it’s taken on Scorpius, how it’s left him struggling to provide. They talk about his letter, his medication, his arm, his right now and his future. It’s difficult and long but the bone crushing hug at the end pulls them back together.

“Finale” - Albus asks Scorpius to meet him on the Quidditch pitch so he could see Jame’s name on his stand. It’s the first time they’ve seen each other since that day. Scorpius dropped out and was homeschooled for the rest of the year. He passed his exams and worked on his mental health. Draco works less hours but the extra time he gets with his son has been invaluable to them both.

The two boys talk and finally make peace. Scorpius expresses his confusion and gratitude at the Potters for not exposing the truth and his lies. They walk along the pitch and Scorpius can’t help but think of his perfect afternoon. How this is really happening. Here and now, with Albus. After their first loop he stops and turns to Scorpius before introducing himself like they’ve never met before. Scorpius takes his hand, his forgiveness, and the promise of more. Some day.

This post was brought to you by years worth of love for DEH and CC. This started out as a conversation with @littlerose13writes forever ago and while it did come back and haunt us occasionally, it took finally seeing the show again in London to make me really want to write it all up and share it : )

[hitchell-mope]

(Second movie)

Ben: hey

(Mal, startled, backs into the wall. Ben automatically goes to comfort her, steps on a trigger, and a magic green transparent shield erupts between them)

Mal (on the verge of tears): please don’t come any nearer

Ben: ok. Ok. Can we talk

Mal: yes. We can. If you stay on that side of the force field

Ben: ok

Mal: I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I couldn’t cope. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. I’m sorry I have magic. I’m sorry that I’m still hearing my mothers voice in my head six months after I turned her into a lizard. I’m sorry I killed those people. I’m sorry that you wasted you’re time on me because I am not worth it

Ben: you have nothing to be sorry about. It wasn’t your fault. It could’ve happened to anyone.

Mal: but it didn’t. It happened to me. And you were caught in the crossfire. I could’ve killed you.

Ben: but you didn’t though. Look at me. I’m fine. I’m still here. I’m fine

Mal: that doesn’t excuse what I did. I deserve to be here. And you need to leave.

Ben: I’m not leaving until we’ve got things sorted out

Mal: ok then. Sit down

(Outside. Carlos is curled up into a ball in jay’s lap. The genies stroking his hair soothingly. Evie’s paving back and forth nervously)

Evie: I swear. We’ve forgotten someone. Or something. Or something’s. Oh my god Carlos your cat!

Carlos: d. Deh. Dead. Nine months. She dead. Mama kill. Mama kill

Jay: shh. Shhh. Thoughts it’s ok. It’s ok buddy. I’m here. You’re ok.

Evie: how long do you think this will take. I wanna go back home. Finish those dresses

Jay: has Mal actually approved of one yet

Evie: all the ones that are suitable need heels. And you know what she’s like

Jay: if she decides she wants to come back then just repeat Ben’s coronation

Evie: no. It’s cotillion. Cotillion equals puffy

(In the hideout)

Mal: what would you like to know?

Ben: I guess my first question is...why? Why did you try to...go it alone?

Mal: I thought I could handle it. After the coronation I thought “I don’t need magic. I’m safe now. I can live without it”. So I ignored it. Ignored what I am. Who. I am. And it just kept bubbling and stewing. Until

Ben: yesterday evening

Mal: that was the worst thing I’ve ever done. Worse than. Than what I did when I was eight. Or thirteen.

Ben: Mal that doesn’t matter to me. None of that matters to me. I love you.

Mal: I. I lo

Evie (having run out of patience and speaking into the funnel): for gods sake guys. Ben! Sling her over your shoulders and let go back home

Mal: EVIE! What the hell are you doing here

Jay: Ben was gonna come with or without us

Mal: us? Whadya mean. Us?

Evie and Jay: uhhhh

Mal: jeezus FUCKING HELL! Do not, tell me that Car

Evie: safety...in...numbers?

Mal (rage quitting): leave. All of you. Right now.

Ben, Jay, Carlos and Evie: no damn way

Mal: yes damn way. Nobody here likes any of us. And there’s no blaming them for it. They’re right. I’m the villain of the piece. So everyone. All of you. Please. Leave me alone.

(She goes over and shuts down the communication device. Ben’s not budged.)

Mal: Ben. Please. Go. Leave me here. I don’t belong in Auradon. And you don’t belong here. You’re better off without me. You deserve better.

Ben: I can’t just leave you. Not like this.

(Mal goes over to him breaking the force field. She kisses him. And gives him back the ring.)

Mal: I’m sorry. Please. Go.

(She holds the door out for him)

(This is when “sad song” happens)

(After “sad song”)

Ben (his forehead pressed against hers): please. Please. Come back with us. Come back with me. We can help you

Mal: ...ok

Ben: hm?

Mal: I’ll go. If. If you overturn the magic ban. Cause as you’ve bared personal witness to. It’s really not a good idea of try and go without it

Ben: yay!

(He darts out of the hideout, kissing her before he does so, into the alleyway below)

Jay: well?

Carlos: is she?

Evie: has she decided on dress?

Ben: she’s coming back with us. Oh and I’m bringing back magic

Evie: yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. So Mal’s coming back. And did she tell what dress design she’s decided on? Yes or no

Jay: who the hell cares. Our friend is coming back home.

Evie: well forgive the absence of a joyful tap dance but I’m kinda against the clock here

(The boys look unimpressed)

Evie: ok. Ok. I’ll drop it. Hey Ben. Where are you going?

Ben (turning around and walking backwards facing her): I’m gonna pick out the best seat in the limo for Mal

(He walks back to the limo with a massive million watt smile on his face. Sadly for him he doesn’t see what’s around the corner)

Harry (jumping out from behind a corner and slapping his hand over Ben’s mouth): hiya I’m Harry Hook and I’ll be abducting you this evening

(One. Two. Three elbow jabs to Harry’s stomach Ben’s free and sprinting around the corner)

Harry (grumbling): why do they always run?

(What follows is a chase scene that would’ve put Aladdin’s introduction to shame. Ben puts in his all. Everything jay’s taught him over the last six months. Except for the exosuit gloves which he left in Auradon. It comes a to slightly disappointing end when Uma teleports to where they are on the roof of a building and knocks Ben out with a pipe)

Uma: good job Harry. My boys are really in top form today. Go down and tell them. I’ll take care of this thing

(Later)

Evie: oh you’re back. Holy shit

Harry: well I have been called worse. Hello puppy

(Carlos backs into the corner terrified)

Harry (very pleased with himself): now there’s the reaction I was hoping for

Jay: what did you do with Ben?

Harry: we nicked him.

Jay: how?

Harry: Gil’s not just a pretty face

Jay (realising): oh god

Evie: what. What’s wrong. What happened

Harry: Oh. And I thought you were smart

Evie: I am smart. But one needn’t be in possession of brains to finish the job I started on you

(Now its time for Harry to back away. Sadly for him Mal has teleported down to the alleyway. She tasers him. He collapses on the floor)

Mal: take care of that thing. I’ll be back.

Evie: Mal...

Mal: no! Don’t talk to me. None of you talk talk to me. I’m going to the restaurant

Carlos: why

Mal: when the rat escapes the sewer. The captain can’t be far behind

(She disappears around the corner)

Carlos (aside to jay): well you can’t blame me for thinking she’s hungry after the day she’s had

Jay: I know buddy. I know

[lifeofbouyd]

Tenant Affairs

Unknown at the time: Hi, can you help me fix my pipe please? I’ve been trying from morning but it’s not working.

I had watched this girl almost a year and didn’t know how to start a convo and now she wants me to fix her pipe. I wondered what kind of pipe she was talking. Could this be some kinky hook up kinda shit, or was she really in need of help? Mmmmm.

Me: Sure.

I walked in slowly behind her, taking notice of every detail. Expensive drapery hung at her windows and her air fresheners smelled like fresh roses. Her carpet was customized with her name on it and a big portrait of her hung in the wall. She had on nothing but leggings and a sport bra. Seemed as if she had been working out prior to calling me. I had bargauned for a five minutes but it turned out to be half a day of hard work. Pulling down, testing, refitting again and again. Eventually, I solved the problem and I could finally get on with my life. I was so caught up doing her plumbing I had forgotten I was to pick up my girlfriend. Thirty-six missed calls and several messages. I hadn't even cooked yet, sigh. As I was about to leave she offered me some food.

Her: Hey, I just finished cooking and I cooked enough for both of us. Are you hungry?

I hadn't eaten in about twelve hours when she asked. I'm not the kind to eat from people. ”mi no liky liky”. But what if I don't take it? She might feel offended.

Me: Mi no too nyam from people eno muma, but the food scent a gwan wid a vybz. Gimi likle bit deh. She laughed and shared it in a little plate. Muttering about men not eating from women. To be honest, it tasted even better than it looked.

Unknown: My name is Shantel by the way. I'm surprised you didn't ask. Did you already know?

Me: I figured you'd tell me at some point. I'm Bouyd from apartment 26.

We sat there chatting for about an hour before I left, staring at her big butt and stiff tits. This girl was a natural turn on. She took my number in case she ever needed assistance with anything in the future. I didn't see nor hear from her in about two months and as far as I knew, she had forgotten about me. I was chilling one evening when I saw a strange number calling. I didn't answer. I watched it while it rang about four times. I figured if it was important they would either call back or send a message. So said, so done.

Text:

Hi Boyd, Shantel here. I need a really big favor of you. My friend gave me two VIP tickets for her red carpet event this weekend. It's a couples kind of thing and my boyfriend is kind of a dick so he's not suitable for the event. I really can't go alone. Rescue me, please.

I sat there and read the message a few times. She didn't even spell my name right. Either way, the message was pretty straightforward. Just like that, I had a hot date. I kept wondering if she was kidding so I didn't know how to reply. A few minutes later she called back, asking if I had gotten her message and if I could come over. I didn't even waste a second. I made myself at home on her leather couch while she whipped us some finger food.

Shantel: You drink Hennessey right?

Me: yeah

She poured me a glass and sat right next to me. Staring me dead in the eye.

Shantel: I know you don’t know me like that, but I’d like your company to the party. You the only guy I know that Isn’t looking me right now. Can you come with me, please?

Me: As long as you can promise not to try anything fishy.

Shantel: Consider it a deal.

We sat there drinking and chatting till she fell asleep. She was so drunk she couldn’t even make it to her room. I covered her with her blanket, washed what we had used and closed the door on my way out. I couldn’t help but notice she was comfortable enough to have nothing on but a big T-shirt and her bed slippers. Her nipples were shooting at me, and her thick thighs just looked so damn sexy. I stayed up all night thinking about it. Was I sure I didn’t want her to try anything, was I really gonna let all that pass. I thought of all the ways I’d tap that ass and how I’d make her love me. I got so horny, I had to wack myself off.

She invited me over for breakfast the next morning and dinner that evening. Progress. If I didn’t know better I’d think she was looking a man. She said she wanted a date but she acted like she wanted to fuck. She asked me to follow her to get some clothes for the party, which I did. Not knowing what was to come. She threw me her keys and reclined the passenger chair in her 2014 Honda CRV sitting on twenty-twos. Not a woman kinda car if you asked me. We pulled up to store in the town and started browsing through the women section. For everything she got herself she got me something similar. Acting all girlfriendish. Asking questions like; “babe, what you think about this one, does this make my boody look big, can I get something similar for my boyfriend please?” Boyfriend, when did that happen? Mmm 🤔. I played along and humored her. I even slapped her ass a few times to sell the act. As worried as I was, she liked it. On our way home she held my hand real tight, telling me about her life and her mistake of a boyfriend. Tears ran down her cheeks as she got emotional. I felt like I had known her all my life. As soon as we got home, she drowned her feelings in a vintage bottle of vodka. She drank and cried and drank some more, spilling her guts before making bed on the floor.

Shantel: Join me, please. I know you want to.

I sat there staring at her taking her clothes off. She bit her lips and stared me in the eye. Rubbing her perfectly shaped breast. I had always wanted to see her like this. Was this a dream come through, was this the one chance I had always wanted, should I fuck the life out of her? A million Questions fired through my head. Bouyd, come join me, please. I need this.

Me: I want you too, more than you can imagine. But if I was to fuck you now, I’d just be taking advantage of you in your emotional state.

She laughed and turned her back, muttering about her pussy and how many men would kill for the opportunity. I felt like a fool even though I knew I was going the right thing. My conscience kept sticking me in the chest. Why was I a Good Samaritan to this girl? All I wanted to do before was fuck her. But now, I’m playing boyfriend, trying to treat her better than a piece of meat. Had I become a pussy from her sad story, or was I falling in love with her and not even knowing. Whatever it was, I just sat there, staring at her on the floor. Looking so peaceful. I wanted to be balls deep inside her, have her running out of breath with my every stroke. I threw her across my shoulder, making my way to her room. I tucked her in tightly and kissed her on her forehead, goodnight. By the time I could walk away she pulled me in the bed, wrapped her legs around my waist and kissed me. Cold chills ran down my spine, leaving me defenseless. I had wanted to kiss her for as long as I’ve known her. Her lips tasted like lavender and felt so soft as if they were melting on mine. “Tell me you don’t want to fuck me,” she said. Staring me dead in the eye and biting her lips. “Tell me you haven’t jerked off thinking about cumin deep inside my pussy.” I just laid there with my dick straining my pants. I stared at her in silence, trying to control my breathing. How’d she know I jerked off to the thought of her, was she watching me through my bathroom window at nights, or is she just assuming that I did. Either way, I still didn’t say a word. I didn’t know how to reply. What do I say? Oh my god, I want to fuck her so badly, make her cum till she forgets her name. “I want to suck your children from your back then ride your duck till you cum in my pussy,” she said. I, I, I want, I want to fuck you so bad but I don’t want to take advantage of you.

She pushed me off and grabbed me by the belt, pushing me towards the wall while rubbing her hand up and down my hot shaft. “I like this, I want this, please, please, please. At least let me suck the dang thing. I can’t send you home like this. I watched her pull my pants to my ankles and smiled at my dick straining my pants. I swallowed hard. She held me by the waist and rubbed her face against my buff. She had an ears wide smile on her face, looking as if she finally got that Christmas gift she’s always wanted. “Now Bouyd, remember, this is up to you, the ball is in your court if you want me to stop just say so.” I could hardly stand on my feet properly feeling her hot breath through my underpants. She slid it down slowly while kissing my waist, making my legs shake like leaves in the wind. “Are you nervous Bouyd, should I stop?” She stared me in deep in the eyes as she kissed my legs. Her lips melted on my burning skin. She slowly dragged her tongue up my legs till she reached my rock hard dick. “Slurp, slurp, slurp” slowly, gently, passionately she slid my dick down her throat. No hands, just her soft warm mouth sliming my dick. I sunk into the wall, watching her enjoy herself. She grabbed it with both hands and started thrusting and sucking, gagging and kissing. She moaned my name and played with my nuts. “Cum in my mouth baby, let me taste your juice.” Harder and harder she sucked and pumped my dick, causing my toes to crack and my legs to shake. Within five minutes or less the sensation got to my head. There was so much pressure built up I felt as if I was gonna explode. I’m gonna cum. “Yes baby, cum in my mouth” she replied. Staring me dead in the eyes while she sucked me dry. The closer I got to cumin, the further I climbed up the wall. No matter how hard I tried pulling her head off, she still thrust back and forth, harder and harder. It felt so good I couldn’t even help myself. The moment she pulled her mouth off it started spraying like a broken pipe. Cum in her hair, cum in her nose, cum in her mouth. Cum dripping down her face. I’ve never cum so much in my life. I threw her on the bed and dragged her pants off. I was gonna shove my dick balls deep down her hole. “Bouyd, goodnight. Thanks for the cum I needed that.” Like what the fuck, are you fucking serious right now? She brushed her teeth then tucked herself in. “You can sleep beside me if you want,” she said. Smiling as if I should be happy. I laid there on my back next to her till I fell asleep. I was way too tired to go back to my room plus I was hoping she’d wake up in the morning and want to feel my dick inside her. I woke up that morning to pancakes, orange juice, and some herbal tea. She had nothing on but her panties and a t-shirt that rested on her waist. For some odd reason, she was sexy as fuck to me. “This can be yours if you’re a good boy,” she said. “The party is later and remember you’re driving.” I watched her stroll her big ass throughout the house, bending on purpose, sitting on my lap. God, did you send this Demond to taunt me, is she gonna be like this all the time? Shit, I was losing my mind. I went back to my room to take a long, cold shower and jerk myself. I grabbed my Versace white t-shirt and mixed it with a white Polo Shorts and my brand new peach Desert Clarks that she had bought. With three chains around my neck and my iced out watch and bracelet set, I headed to her apartment to see if she was ready. She sat before her mirror, pasting and rubbing, creating a work of art. She had painted herself a brand new face. I stood there staring at her, Taking notice how her accessories complemented her outfit. I knew she was pretty, but damn, this makeup, shit. She’s a goddess, hands down. “Don’t stare too long, you might fall in love” she muttered. But that was too late. My heart has already Hers from that blow job last night, she had sucked my soul through my dick.

I picked up her friends and floated the phantom to the party. I kept staring at her from the side of my eyes, watching her bite her lips whenever she looked at me. I imagined bracing her against the steering, with her legs around me riding me till I explode inside her. This made me obviously horny. My dick stretched across my shorts, straining the zip and causing it to slide down repeatedly. “Let me fix that for you,” she said while winding my zip up. She gently rubbed her hand across my buff and kissed me on the cheek. She knew exactly what she was doing, she was in full control. Her friends kept staring at us, or was it just me that they were staring at? Hmmm, I really can’t tell. They resembled “jealousy”. We pulled up to the party looking like a real couple. Holding hands, cheek kisses, staring each other down. Shit, I had gotten so lost in the fantasy of her that I forgot we had an agreement. Just act like her boyfriend for a weekend and then it’s back to normal. She introduced me to everyone as her boyfriend, she did everything for me to feel like I was her boyfriend. She didn’t even want her friends grinding on me so she close marked me the entire time. After having a few shots of Hennessy, Courvoisier, and Patr��n they were wasted. Whining like Dirt Worms. She got on her knees and rubbed her face across my buff a few times. “Do me here, fuck me, please, I beg you, make me cum on your dick” she screamed. I wanted to, and if I wasn't for the fact that I don’t like the idea of public sex we’d probably be “fucking famous” today 😂. I grabbed them some salted nuts, peanuts that is, and several bottles of water to dilute all that booze they had swallowed. I watched her caress her tits and slowly ran her tongue across her lips. It wasn’t long after that they started kissing, pulling in unwanted eyes. I grabbed them and what was left of our booze and headed for the car. Out of nowhere comes a fight between her and one of her friends. Rolling on the ground, pulling each other’s hair and screaming. I was confused, like what the fuck, what the fuck are they fighting for? “I guess it’s you,” her other friend said. Fighting for me, for what? I don’t even know her friend’s name. We pulled them apart and gave them time to calm down before speeding off. Surprising enough, they were friends by the time we got home. Again they started making out, from the couch to the bedroom. I heard them moan a few times before I was dead asleep. That’s when it hit me, they were together. That’s why they were fighting.

I woke up to an empty house. Breakfast on the table and a note that she’ll be back soon. I ran to my room for fresh clothes to take a shower at her place after devouring her cooking. I filled the tub all the way up then laid there for a while with my eyes closed, stroking my dick. I felt a kiss on my forehead, soft wet lips. I jumped the fuck up as I was frightened half to death. I hadn’t even heard her come in. “Don’t let me stop you,” she said while flashing her clothes off. I laid back just like before and continued stroking my dick until she joined me. She replaced my hands with her’s and ran wet circles around my nipples. She gave me a wet lap dance as she sucked my lips off my face. “I want to ride you, slow and steady until I cum. Don’t move” she said. She rubbed her clit against the head a few times before sliding it in, making my dick jump from all the excitement. I felt my dick piercing her tight, wet pussy every time she moved. She slowly rode the head causing me to shake each time it slid in and out. Again she sucked my lips from my face, only now rinding my dick faster. Moving from the head to half the length of my shaft. She squeezed my neck and grabbed my skin as if she wanted to rip it off. With her head hanging back and eyes rolling back in her head she screamed; “breed mi, breed mi, cum ina mi pussy please, o god, mi love yuh dick”. She squeezed my neck even harder as she came. She kept riding until she came several other times. I lifted her from the tub and placed her on the face basin. I held her by the neck and braced her against the glass as I rubbed my dick on her aroused clit. I stuck two fingers inside her and poked her hard till she begged for my dick. “Let me suck it, stick your fingers in my mouth, make me cum again, please.” I picked her up and braced her against the wall, holding her high enough to give her the full length of my rod. Like lightning, on a stormy evening I struck her, hard then slow. Bringing her right to the edge of climaxing then slowing down the pace. She moaned and cried from the pleasure she was feeling. I stood firm and held her by her legs, slowly pulling her up and down my dick hitting her G-spot. My shaft was creamed with her cum and hadn’t even cum yet. She got on her knees, spat on it and displayed her gag reflex, holding me firmly by the waist. She sucked and pumped until I was numb. My knees eventually gave way, shaking while I exploded on her face. She was worth the stress after all.

For months to come, we were inseparable. Our party weekend turned into a relationship. One I thought I’d only have in my mind. But like all my relationships prior and after that all she really wanted was some fuck until her boyfriend got back from overseas. I got so comfortable sleeping in her bed, having her over and going out I completely forgot I had her on loan. I was in an acting position soon to be revoked. I can’t even recall her talking to him on the phone now that I think about it. We slept in the same bed/s for months and her phone was always sitting on the dresser. She’d never made mention of him since we started flexing so to my knowledge he never existed. I remember her taking me out for dinner one night to a really nice restaurant to celebrate my birthday. We came home wasted and fucked till we fell asleep. I woke up to what I thought would have been a normal day, breakfast ready and a thick chick waiting for my dick before work. I did get breakfast but she was all dressed up. I felt like I forgot something important, like her birthday or something of the sort because I really suck at things like that. “Did I forget something”, I asked. She stared at me for a few seconds before saying anything. “My boyfriend lands at 3 pm in Kingston today and I’m gonna pick him up,” she said. Nervously rubbing lipstick across her lips. I didn’t know what to say. Boyfriend, mmmm, when did this happen? Is this a prank and she wants to see my reaction, could she be serious? “You’re kidding right?” She took a deep breath and swallowed hard before breaking down in tears. I was furious but I was way too hungry not to eat my breakfast. But right after eating I grabbed my stuff and marched like a mad man to my room. I don’t know why I was so mad at her when she wasn’t even mine to begin with. I was always the side nigga with boyfriend benefits. But I loved her, I needed her. Or was it just her good pussy, was it the way she took my dick down her throat then rode it till I made a swamp of her pussy with my cum? Shit, now I’m confused, I can’t really choose. I blocked her the moment I got home but that only made me my sis her like crazy. I wanted to text her, see her, feel her. But god damn man, the nigga was like a roadblock. It stressed me for weeks before reality took effect. If she fucked me like that because the nigga fell short what would she do to me if I fell short? She’d do the same. She’d fuck some random nigga and swallow his kids the night before Igor home then come kiss me the next morning like everything ok. That shit made me realize that a woman will value your company only when it’s beneficial. She’ll love you like you’ve never been loved before and still have another nigga fuck her senseless. I did eventually fuck her a few times after that through her back grill (burglar bar) while he was in the house. Had her cumin like a broken pipe, only if he had known😂.

Life, you only get one. Make mistakes, create memories and cherish them because they last longer than people do.

[staystrange]

So I saw Dear Evan Hansen yesterday.

It’s been a dream of mine to see this show for a long time. Before I woke up yesterday, I didn’t even know I was going. I’ve entered the lottery a million times and never won, so I figured this time would be exactly the same. I had honestly forgotten about the lottery when I randomly checked my phone at 9:00 and saw that I’d WON!! My mom has dreamed of seeing this show probably more than I have, so the two of us got on a bus that was scheduled to arrive in NYC at around 2:00 for a 3:00 show. We figured we’d have plenty of time to get to the theater, which was not far from the bus station. But, of course, we ran into crazy traffic and it got to the point where we didn’t think we’d make it on time. Like, it was 2:55 and we were still on the bus. Needless to say, I was panicking hard. When the bus finally parked, we ran for it. I’m not an athletic person at all, but I put all of the energy I had into running as fast as I possibly could through the streets of New York to get to the theater. We got there a few minutes after 3:00, and I went up to the box office, completely breathless, told the staff that I had lottery tickets, and handed over my ID. To be honest, I didn’t even expect them to give me the tickets at all because we were late. But they did, and I immediately started crying because I was so happy. Then, I didn’t expect them to let us in for act 1 because the show had already started and the tickets literally said no late entry on them. But to my surprise, the staff let us in and showed us to our standing room spots.

We made it halfway through Anybody Have a Map. I swear, it was nothing short of a miracle.

We actually had a pretty good view, way better than the people sitting in the mezzanine and balcony sections above us. I started crying out of pure happiness and gratefulness when the opening bars of Waving Through a Window played, and I honestly kept crying throughout most of the show. When I wasn’t crying, I was laughing (probably because of Will Roland) or smiling. I got a few looks from the people sitting in the back of the orchestra in front of me, but honestly, they don’t know what I went through to be there, and so what if I’m an excessively emotional person? This show hits me hard.

I never thought I’d get to see this show, but I did, and I’m so glad. Thank you to the DEH lottery and the entire cast and crew and staff. You guys are the best. I ran across the city, didn’t eat for almost twelve hours, and stood for the entire show, but gosh, all of it was worth it.

I don’t want this post to take up too much space on people’s feeds, but if you’d like to hear about my more specific thoughts on each cast member / character and my stagedoor experience, check under the cut.

I was lucky enough to see most of the original cast, with the obvious exception of Ben Platt. I also did not see the original Alana or Larry Murphy. Everyone else has been in this production since the beginning.

Taylor Trensch as Evan Hansen: Sure, he was no Ben Platt, but he did a really good job, especially considering the big shoes he had to fill. I liked the little changes in his performance from Ben’s; it made seeing live even more of a unique experience from listening to the soundtrack on repeat. He’s a great actor, seriously. He obviously had many incredible performances, but Waving Through a Window, For Forever, You Will Be Found, and Words Fail really stood out as the best ones to me. He had funny moments, adorable moments, heartbreaking moments, and everything in between, and it was all incredible to watch.

Laura Dreyfuss as Zoe Murphy: I’m a big Glee fan, so I remember when she was on the show for a little while in Season 6. She was wonderful as Zoe, and I especially loved hearing her sing Requiem. She gave such a powerful performance throughout the show, especially during that song, and it was awesome to watch. During Only Us, my heart was torn between AWW and oh no oh no oh no because of what happens next. She has great chemistry with Taylor as I’m sure she did with Ben and Noah Galvin. I also really loved her scene with Taylor at the very end in the orchard. I actually didn’t know what happened at the end of the show, so it was a pleasant surprise and a perfect ending.

Rachel Bay Jones as Heidi Hansen: Oh. My. God. Her performance blew me away. Her happy scenes with Taylor were lovely, but it was during the scenes where her character and Evan were fighting that her talent really shone. She got so into her performance, and I could truly feel it. I unfortunately missed her part of Anybody Have a Map, but her performances in Good For You and So Big / So Small were incredible, and very different, too. Good For You especially was phenomenal.

Jennifer Laura Thompson as Cynthia Murphy: Jennifer was awesome, too. She showed a whole range of emotions throughout the show, and it was really powerful to watch. I liked her interactions with Taylor and Laura, and although she didn’t have much singing by herself compared to many of the other cast members, her performances during Anybody Have a Map? and Requiem were so freaking good.

Mike Faist as Connor Murphy: I had seen tweets about how he was leaving the show pretty soon, but I didn’t realize that it was literally his last show until I looked it up. I also didn’t realize how big of a role Connor is until I saw the production. Mike was incredible during every single moment he was in; I especially loved his parts in Sincerely, Me, Disappear, and the various reprises he sings in that aren’t on the soundtrack. At the end of the show after all of the regular bows, Jennifer Laura Thompson brought out a bouquet of flowers for Mike, and he tried to run offstage; Phoenix Best had to literally pull him back onstage to make him accept them and take his final bow. He’s so shy and humble, and it was adorable. I’m so lucky I got to see him since it was literally my last chance.

Asa Somers as Larry Murphy: Even though he’s the standby, he performed incredibly well. To be honest, To Break in a Glove is my least favorite song on the soundtrack, but he performed it well. I really loved his part in Requiem and his scenes with the whole Murphy family and Evan. His character may not have had a huge part in the show, but the parts he did have were really well done.

Will Roland as Jared Kleinman: Oh my gosh, I love Will Roland. Every single time he was onstage, I laughed out loud at the many hilarious jokes and moments he had as Jared. In the second act, though, my heart broke for Jared so freaking much. I loved hearing him sing in Sincerely, Me, You Will Be Found, and Good For You; Good For You especially showed off his talent, and Sincerely, Me made me love the song so much more than I did originally. He absolutely killed it as Jared, and I’m so glad I got to see him before he leaves on June 10 to play Jeremy in Be More Chill. Speaking of Be More Chill, I didn’t really know much about Will before it was announced that he’d been cast as Jeremy, but after seeing just one scene of him performing as Jared, I knew that he’s perfect for the role of Jeremy. I could already picture it and hear it, too. He has the right voice, the right appearance, and the perfect amount of awkwardness. Seriously, I approve wholeheartedly of this casting choice, and I can’t wait to see him again as Jeremy. I still can’t believe I get to see him twice!!

Phoenix Best as Alana Beck: I honestly didn’t even realize she wasn’t the original Alana at first. She was incredible; her character is a lot like Jared in the sense that they both made me laugh and also made my heart break, but in very different ways, of course. She sang very well in You Will Be Found and Good For You and I loved watching her perform so much.

STAGEDOOR: I waited outside the stagedoor for as long as I could before security asked us all to leave, and I was lucky enough to get four autographs, which you can see in the photo above. From top left to bottom right: Mike Faist, Asa Somers, Rachel Bay Jones, and Laura Dreyfuss. They were all incredibly kind and sweet and it meant the world to me that I got to talk to them. I guess this makes Laura Dreyfuss the first Glee cast member I’ve ever met and the fourth Glee cast autograph I’ve received; if you’d told me two years ago that I’d get to meet her, I wouldn’t have believed you. She’s so lovely. I really wanted to see Will so I could tell him that he did an incredible job as Jared and that he’s going to be such a good Jeremy in Be More Chill, but unfortunately he left out the back door. I was a little bummed, but I was honestly just grateful to be there, so it was all good. Hopefully I’ll meet him when I see him again. Taylor, Jennifer, and Phoenix didn’t come out either.

Overall, I had an incredible experience seeing this show!! My theater-nerd self hasn’t been very active in a while, but my love for theater is definitely back and bigger than ever now. I’m looking forward to seeing even more shows in the future, including (HOPEFULLY) the Off-Broadway production of Be More Chill this summer : )

[kleinmemes]

Anything For You (Jared Kleinman x Murphy!Reader)

heyy it’s your pal cat back here with another fic, this time by request!! an adorable anon asked for jared x murphy!reader and i used that on prompt #34 (“He creeped me out. I’m not gonna lie.”) from this post right here. enjoy!! ((btw anon i made it fem!reader just bc... if you want it gender neutral hmu and i’ll edit it!! :^D))

Summary: Jared arrives early at the Murphy’s to pick up (Y/N) for a date, but he wasn’t really expecting to see Connor instead of his date showing up at the door. 

Warnings: uuh bad writing? ooc characters? little to no proof-reading? yeah. pretty much. 

Words: 705 

Jared fidgeted with his collar, nervously waiting for his nerves to calm down so he could ring the doorbell. The boy had been standing on the Murphy household porch for a few minutes now, clutching a flower bouquet on his sweaty hands. (Y/N) had told him to meet her there around 6 P.M., but his excitement got the best of him and here he was, standing by her front door, half an hour early. Well, he thought, I’ll just come in already, better early than creeping around her porch. He rang the doorbell and waited. A moment later the door opened, revealing no one other than... Connor. Connor Murphy. (Y/N)’s older brother.

“Uhh, I sure hope those aren’t for me.” He stated, looking at the bouquet the boy before him held. “Kleinman, what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I... Uh...” Jared stuttered.

Just then, Zoe appeared behind her brother.

“Jared!” She chirped. “You’re kind of early, aren’t you? (Y/N) is still getting ready...”

“Oh... I... C-can I come in anyway?” Jared asked, uncharacteristically nervous. Probably due to Connor glaring holes through him.

“No.”

“I think what Connor meant to say was ‘Yes’. Now come in!” Zoe elbowed her brother on the ribs.

Jared clung to the bouquet tightly, slowly entering the house and sitting on the couch in the living room.

“I’m going up to help (Y/N) get ready, but make yourself comfortable here!” Zoe smiled. Then she turned to her brother. “Connor, don’t do anything stupid.”

The boy just rolled his eyes, dragging a chair to the living room and sitting right across Jared. A few minutes passed by, the air filling the living room thick with tension, a deafening silence hanging above the room while the older Murphy still glared at the visitor.

“You still didn’t answer why the fuck you’re here, Kleinman.” Connor said, breaking the silence.

“I... uh... came to take your sister out... on... a... date?” Jared stammered.

“You. My sister. On a date.”

“Yup, a small world, huh...”

“Since when is this happening?”

“This what?”

“You trying to bang my sister.”

“I’M NOT — I’m not trying to bang her! We haven’t even kissed yet!”

“‘Yet’... You say that like you will.”

“Hopefully...”

“What was that?”

“Uhhh... nothing?”

“Good.”

Connor kept staring at him, an indecipherable look on his face.

“If you fuck up with my sister, I swear to God, Kleinman...” Connor’s threat was interrupted by the sound of people coming down the stairs.

“Jared! You’re early!” (Y/N) smiled. God, she looked beautiful.

“Guess I got too excited...” The boy said, sheepishly. “Oh, I got you these.”

He handed her the bouquet.

“Oh! These are beautiful... you didn’t need to!” She beamed, taking the gift.

“Well... we better run. Can’t be late to the movie, right?” He said, doing whatever he could to get out of Connor’s line of sight. He swore to God, if looks could kill...

“Sure, sure.” (Y/N) said, getting her purse and taking Jared’s hand in hers. “Bye guys, love you!”

“Have fun, (Y/N)!” Zoe waved.

Connor just hummed, continuing to glare at Jared until they both left the house.

———

About half an hour later, the pair was making small talk while waiting in the line to get into their movie session.

“I still can’t believe you agreed to go out with me.” Jared said, holding the girl’s hand. “By the way, did I already tell you you look beautiful today?”

“Just a million times, you dork.” She smiled at him. “You look handsome, too.”

“I had to keep up with the company.” She smiled at his words.

“So, it looks like you talked with my brother while waiting for me back home.” (Y/N) said, grabbing a handful of popcorn. “How did that go?”

“Oh. Uhh. Good, I guess?”

“That bad?”

“I thought I wouldn’t make it out of there alive.”

“You’re so dramatic!”

“I’m serious! He kept glaring daggers through me, (Y/N)!”

“You didn’t think about running away?”

“And missing out on this date? Not a chance in hell.”

She smiled, kissing the tip of his nose.

“You’re too cute.”

“He creeped me out. I’m not gonna lie. But I’d go through him a million times if it meant being here with you.”

ayyy it came out a little shorter than i expected but yea.. hope everyone likes it!! also, thanks for the very positive feedback on my last fic, it made me so happy :’^) oh, and dont forget i take requests for DEH and BMC!!

[nogooddeetz]

Finally Singing A Requiem

A short, random little drabble;

What if Evan did know Connor better before he took his own life? What if that scene where Heidi asks him about Connor Murphy had gone differently?

~

Evan stared at his laptop screen. He willed himself not to cry anymore. He'd spent the last few days on the verge of tears and it was exhausting. Of course, not nearly as exhausting as the dull, constant pressure on his chest.

His laptop had been opened on a picture of Connor for the past 30 minutes. The picture of Connor. The only picture of him he had, the only picture he took of him.

The only picture he could ever take of him.

Evan's head was aching from the days of crying. All he could think about, was the last time he saw Connor. If only he could've been able to tell Connor was in so much pain... If only he knew about how he was treated at home... If only he hadn't been too blinded by his 'I love you' to ask more questions... If only he hadn't let him walk away from him that day...

Great, here come the tears again.

Suddenly Evan heard his mother's footsteps approaching his door. Evan quickly wiped his face on his shirt collar and cleared his throat.

His mother came in carrying a pile of papers. College scholarship essay contests, it turned out. His mother was so excited about what college could be for Evan, but he couldn't focus on anything other than Connor, let alone college.

After making plans for a taco tuesday and essay subject brainstorming session with his mother, she went quiet for a minute before speaking up again.

"Hey. I, um, I got an email from your school today. About a boy who killed himself? Connor Murphy? I didn't, I had no idea." She carefully explained.

Evan felt his heart stop. He was not prepared to talk about this with anyone. He was not expecting for his mother to bring it up. To bring him up.

"Oh. Yeah. Well... I didn't really know him." Evan lied, trying to end the conversation where it started.

"You know that... if you ever, if you want to talk about anything... I realize that lately it must feel like, I'm always working or I'm in class..." His mother explained guiltily.

"It's fine." Evan assured her.

"Well, I'm here. And if I'm not here here, I'm a phone call away. Or text. Email. Whatever." His mother said, giving him a warm, sympathetic look.

"Thanks." Evan replied, really hoping this was the end of the conversation.

Yet, his mother still stood in the middle of his room. She still had something to say.

"All right. It says 'Connor.'" Heidi finally said, pointing at Evan's cast.

Evan froze for a moment. He'd completely forgotten the signature on the cast. Even though Connor had made it enourmous. 'I like to mark my territory.' He'd said.

"Oh. Yeah. No." Evan tried to deny it, but he felt hot tears behind his eyes. No, not now.

"You said you didn't know him." His mother questioned.

"No. I didnt. This is..." Evan began, but couldn't think of a single thing to say. His brain felt numb. His whole body felt numb. He'd managed to hide Connor from his mother, but this... This was too much. He could barely get himself out of bed, and now his mother had straight up confronted him about it. There was no way he could lie his way out of this.

Suddenly he burst into tears.

Heidi stood still, shocked, for a second before flying to her son's side, wrapping her arms around him.

"Oh honey." She said, brushing Evan's short blond hair as he cried. "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked.

Evan needed time to catch his breath. After some deep inhales followed by slow exhales, he was finally able to get some words out between sobs.

"I don't- he- we weren't... No one knew we were... friends." He tried to explain.

"Why not?" Heidi questioned softly.

"We- we're... We were-" Evan hiccuped, "so different. A-and people... People don't understand." He explained.

"Oh sweetie... I'm so sorry." Heidi said, her heart breaking at the sight of her son so devastated. "I can't imagine what losing a friend feels like."

"I-I loved h-him." Evan sobbed.

"I know, honey, I'm so sorry." She continued to brush his hair in an attempt to comfort him.

"No, I r-really lo-loved him." Evan tried to explain, sobs completely taking over his body now.

And Heidi understood. She had no idea Evan had anyone he spent his time with, let alone someone he loved. Suddenly she felt such anger. How could his poor son, who had been lonely for years, lose the person he loved, having finally found them? The world was a cruel place and she wanted nothing more than to protect her son, but now all she could do was hold him as he cried his heart out.

"I'm so sorry." She kept repeating as Evan cried and cried.

For a long while, Heidi just held Evan and let him cry. It had been a long time since Evan let her this close, let her see how he felt.

After Evan finally calmed down, Heidi sat and listened to him talk about Connor Murphy. Evan had a million stories about how he was intimidated by Connor when they first met and how they'd go on rides in Connor's car and how he'd drawn pictures of Evan even though he protested. How he helped Evan through anxiety attacks and how Evan helped him through withdrawals. How he told Evan he loved him and how even though it lead to Evan having an anxiety attack, it was the best day of Evan's life. How everyone saw him as a bad guy but how Evan thought he was the most caring person he'd met.

She never got the chance to meet him, but through Evan's stories and the small smile that graced his features when he did, Heidi got to love Connor Murphy too.

As unbelievably painful as losing the person you love is, she was glad Evan had these memories, these moments with Connor. She'd never seen him with such spark in his eyes than when he talked about Connor.

That night, when she went to bed, Heidi looked up at the night sky and silently thanked Connor Murphy and wished he was no longer in pain.

In another room of the house, Evan dug up the note Connor had left for him, held it tight and did the very same thing.

~

If you have any ideas for deh fics, do send them my way, I'd love to write your prompts. My inbox is open! x

[jsmlwriter]

Halo Haze Re

Summary: Unexpected was an understatement. Tsuna's plans for his life hadn't included a strange baby, getting shot or ending up in boxers. Loudly asking Kyoko-chan on a date was totally off the agenda and so was promptly fainting afterwards.

Each time Tsuna uses his dying will flames, he passes out and sees a horrific future...one where his family and friends are dead, he’s cursed to wear an orange pacifier, and he finds a tall, dark, zombie man with curly sideburns who’s wrapped in a dark cloak, bandages and piercing chains.

Author's note: Names of a Japanese origin will be presented (Surname, Personal name). Otherwise, they will be normally written (Personal name, Surname).

Target 001

Sawada Tsunayoshi was not an ambitious individual. He had not created an outline of his future life. He had no plans to achieve anything other than survive school at the moment. Tsunayoshi was a no-good loser and everyone knew it. He knew it. His Kaa-chan, Nana, knew it. His entire school and community knew it. Despite his uselessness, Tsuna like to have some kind semblance of a routine in his life. Wake up. Go to school. Fail classes. Fail sports. Get picked on. Stay after everyone else left to clean. Play games. Avoid homework. Sleep. Or something similar. His life was relatively simple. Curve balls were not welcome. His life did not need a-

"HOME TUTOR!?"

"Hai!" Nana affirmed, showing the young teen the unfolded piece of paper. "There was an interesting flyer in the mailbox." She turned it around and read it out loud. "I will raise your kid to be the new leader of the next generation. Grade and subject doesn't matter. Reborn." She beamed. "Isn't it great? I've never seen a promotion like this before."

He got up off of the floor of his room where he'd been laying and reading comics and stood up, facing her in disbelief. "It smells like a scam!" Tsuna shrieked. Who sends out shady stuff like that anyway? Schools like that don't just send out tutors to anyone, especially loser people like him. Tsuna inwardly grumbled. Now Kaa-chan would spend the rest of the week pestering Tsuna about the delusional so-called home tutor. Stupid scam flyer. How'd they get Tsuna's information anyway? He couldn't recall sending any letters or reports to anyone and there'd been no exams for something like this at school lately.

"It's probably a tutor from a professional business school for young men," his mother continued, lost in her own thoughts now. "I've wanted a teacher like this for you."

"Don't create your own image of him!" he huffed, turning away before facing towards her again with insistence. "I refuse to have a tutor, okay! I'm not good at anything I do anyway!"

"Ciaossu."

Tsuna and Nana simultaneously glanced down, where the small voice had come from. Among the mess of CD cases, candy wrappers and gaming accessories, there was a baby standing in the middle of his bedroom. He was small, adorned in an all black suit and black boots, wearing a black fedora with a thick orange stripe running across the sides of the cone. The infant had black spiky hair and curly sideburns and wore a sun yellow pacifier around his neck. And was that a chameleon on the brim of the hat? The baby carried a brief case with him and he looked foreign.

Ano...

"I arrived three hours early but as a service, I'll evaluate you now," the baby announced. Tsuna blinked in confusion. What was this kid talking about? And the way he spoke didn't sound like a normal baby.

Nana put her hands on her knees to get a better look at their sudden guest. "Hey, whose kid are you?" she inquired softly.

The kid looked at her with bright eyes and a small smile, giving her his full attention. "Hm? I'm Reborn, the home tutor." Talk about coincidental timing.

Tsuna choked back his laughter and Nana smiled in amusement.

"I was wondering what kind of person created that crappy flyer," Tsuna lightly mocked. "It's this baby!?"

The baby glanced at him. "So you're Tsuna."

Tsuna's laughter was no longer contained. "I'm sorry but there's nothing I can learn from you!"

A boulder seemed to knock into Tsuna's stomach. The baby's foot?! Caught off guard and completely winded from the sheer force of the blow, Tsuna gasped. His legs no longer supported his body and he tumbled to the floor. The next thing he knew, Tsuna's arm was being pinned behind his now arched back. Just who was this baby? Kaa-chan looked at the visitor in surprise.

"Let's get started. This is Tsuna's room, right?" Reborn prompted. Nana nodded, getting over her shock rather quickly. "Very good. I am going to evaluate my new student and get acquainted with him."

Nana hummed in delight, happy that her son was receiving much needed help now and left the boys on their own in the room.

As soon as Nana left, the baby let go of Tsuna and let an unforgiving gravity pull him back down to the ground. Tsuna's head smashed into the floor, granting him starred vision. "I-iteee," he moaned. He pushed himself off the floor and knelt down shaking the dizziness away. "What was that?" This kid didn't have normal strength but he was still a kid. Was Tsuna that weak? That it only took a baby to defeat him? The thought was kind of depressing. Tsuna blinked and then looked up in irritation, ready to confront the little devil.

Zzzzz.

No way. The baby was asleep already?! Was that even possible? The boy's irritation grew. "Hey, wake up!" Tsuna snapped, shaking the small figure awake. "I won't forgive you just because you're a baby!" A small hand shot out and grabbed Tsuna's tie. Huh? Suddenly, it was whipped around and tightly yanked at his neck. Tsuna flew backwards into the ground again. As he sat up, the world was spinning and a dull ache coursing through his body. What is this kid?!

"I have no openings," the baby stated while Tsuna regained his bearings. "My true line of work is assassination." The baby snapped open the brief case and in a few seconds assembled a gun. Reborn smirked at Tsuna. "My real job is to make you a mafia boss." Assassination? Tsuna's head was still reeling. And Tsuna was a maf- Hiiieee?

"Wha...?! A MAFIA BOSS?" Tsuna cried.

Surreal needed a new definition.

"I was assigned by a certain man to train you to become an astounding mafia boss," the baby explained, unaffected by Tsuna's blatant freak out. "The method by which your training will occur is left up to me." Was this baby's head okay?

"Hey just a minute!" Tsuna blurted. "How old are you supposed to be anyway?"

"Right now, I am perceived to be five years of age."

Tsuna frowned. "You look like you're two."

Click. Reborn aimed the gun at Tsuna's head. "Should I shoot you once?"

"Wha- HEY! Is that thing real?!"

"Very," confirmed Reborn. Tsuna kind of doubted that.

"Yeah well, I don't get any of this mafia story you're talking about. Just who's idea was it to send you over here and say all of these things?" Perhaps someone had paid this kid to do all of this as a joke. Some people had a very twisted sense of humor.

"You are heir to the Vongola famiglia, the largest family organization in Italy." Out of nowhere, Reborn produced a piece of paper that showed some sort of family lineage. The gun-wielding kid pointed to a name towards the top. Tsuna couldn't read it, it wasn't in kanji. "This is Giotto, Vongola Primo, the founder of Vongola. Only his descendants are valid candidates to take over as head of the famiglia." Reborn moved his finger towards the bottom of the page where Tsuna's own name stood out to him. "You are the great-great-great-grandson of Vongola Primo, making you eligible to become the next Vongola boss. The other three candidates died, leaving you as the final candidate."

"But I don't want to be a mafia boss," Tsuna protested.

Reborn ignored him. "With my customized training program, even a no-good student like you will become a boss with the potential to lead the Vongola to greatness. Your training begins-"

~Grumble~

Reborn's stomach interrupted his speech.

"-at another time. Later!" With that, Reborn spun around and marched out of Tsuna's room, closing the door behind him.

Tsuna collapsed backwards, aghast with the sudden information thrown at him. Just what in the world?

Decimo...a single voice whispered in his head. It spoke to him as if it were one of his own conjured thoughts, without any male or female identity. Deh...chi...moh...Decimo ka?

And then, without warning, as if someone had decided to grind his head between two rocks, pain and pressure wrung through every nerve in his brain and poured through each vessel of his bloodstream. His room twisted and warped. Blinding light filled his vision and a sensation of burning heat pressed against his chest. Tsuna felt as if an electric shot of a million volts had were zapping through him. He opened his mouth to cry out but his voice jammed in his throat and his airways clogged. The blinding light faded to a void of black. Empty, energy sucking darkness.

Decimo...Decimo...Juudaime!...Brat...Vongola...Bossu...Dame-Tsuna...TRASH!...Boss!...Tsunayoshi-kun...Decimo! Decimo! DECIMO!

Gone.

The pain and pressure were suddenly absent. The voices in his head vanished with a faint echo. His vision cleared and the world had righted itself. Tsuna's hands were clenching knotted sections of his naturally gravity defying hair and he was lying on the ground, breathing heavily. There was something digging into shoulder blade. Probably his gaming controller, left on the floor, and he took no notice of it. He laid there, wondering what had just happened. He didn't know what to make of any of that, of what to think or do next. The remaining fogged darkness in his mind dispersed and he closed his eyes as his next thoughts crept into his head of their own volition.

I was assigned by a certain man ('Nono' something extra supplied) to train you to become an astounding mafia boss...

Reborn's earlier explanation echoed in Tsuna's mind and oddly, it felt like Tsuna had heard it before. To say Sawada Tsunayoshi was beginning to panic was putting it lightly. In less than an hour, his day had turned completely weird and he never wanted to experience that kind of pain again. He continued to lay on the ground, not knowing for how long, breathing in and out, in and out. Doing any homework now was out of the question. He didn't even feel up to playing some games or listening to music.

Tsuna decided he needed some air.

He pushed himself up with relative ease and left his room.

He headed down the stairs to go outside and clear his head from this entire...day. "Kaa-chan, I'm headed out," he called.

"Tsuna, what about dinner?" Nana offered.

"I don't want it," said Tsuna. "I'm going to eat out so can I have some money?" He reached the bottom of the stairs. "And about that tutor..." he looked at the kitchen and stopped. Eh?

Reborn was sitting at the table, enjoying a meal prepared by Nana. His mother smiled cheerfully. "Reborn-kun's contract states that he'll be living here until your grades go up."

HIIIIEEEE?!

"Eh, why are you following me? Don't you have to go to grade school?"

Tsuna was walking down the street, hands in pockets and feeling put out that this so called home tutor was trailing after him.

"Assassins don't go to grade school," Reborn stated simply as if it were common logic.

"Tch, quit the assassin act already," Tsuna grumbled. An unbidden image of Reborn in a costume disguise that nobody else could see through flashed in his mind. Reborn, in black graduate robes, solving a seemingly impossible math problem. Tsuna paused and blinked. A quiet voice, similar to Reborn's, echoed in his mind, introducing himself as Riboyama-sensei. Tsuna glanced down at Reborn with an odd look. Had he met this kid before?

"Tsuna?" Reborn inquired, noticing the odd look. Tsuna opened his mouth to say something but a figure with short golden brown hair caught his eye. His brain ceased all logical thought. Immediately, he dashed off behind a nearby corner, in terror. Reborn gave him a questioning look and turned to see what had scared his newly appointed student off. To Tsuna's chagrin, he made no effort to hide. A young girl, Tsuna's age approached him. The girl, Sasagawa Kyoko, noticed the infant and crouched down to address with the adorable figure.

"Ciaossu," Reborn greeted.

"Kawai! How cute," gushed Kyoko. Tsuna's mouth dropped open with a silent gasp of disbelief as the two began interacting. "Why are you wearing a suit?" she asked.

"Because I'm in the mafia."

Tsuna sweat dropped for the both of them. Seriously? Reborn decided to say that? A haze of new thoughts suddenly entered his brain.

"Cause I'm a hitman."

"Hey, Reborn! Don't say such things in the middle of the day!" he protested. SLAP! A girl from another school...Haru...pain...confusion...annoyance...

"What are you teaching him!? An assassination technique!? Babies are angels with pure white hearts!"

Anger...fear...misunderstanding...more pain...

Tsuna shook the scene away. Was that a...memory? It certainly felt like it, like a deja vu again but he couldn't recall anyone he knew named...Haru?

Miura Haru. He didn't know how he knew that, but he did.

"Waaah," Kyoko-chan exclaimed. "How cool!"

Tsuna felt his heart drop. Wha-! He couldn't tell whether her response had been playing along with the joke or she actually believed him. Either way thought, the popular Sasagawa Kyoko already liked the little brat.

Kyoko gave Reborn a beaming smile and stood up, heading off. "Well good luck," she said with a small wave. "Bye bye."

"Ciao ciao." Reborn responded.

When Tsuna had decided he needed some air earlier, this was definitely not what he'd been planning. The self-proclaimed hitman turned to him with a glint of something (bad, bad, run away! his thoughts supplied) in his eyes. Reborn smirked.

"You have a crush on that girl, don't you Tsuna?"

"That's not any of your business!" Tsuna denied. Just how did the kid know how he felt towards Kyoko?

"I've mastered the art of mind reading," supplied Reborn.

Wait, what?! He hadn't said that out loud. Tsuna was feeling an edge of frustration seep into his mood. "That's enough, alright? Just leave me alone," he yelled.

"No."

PAIN! His body was forced to be spun around. His arm was twisted and wrenched back behind him. Unwelcome tears filled the corners of his eyes. "I-ta ta ta-ah-ow-ow OW! I give! I give!" he shrieked. His arm was immediately let go and Tsuna stepped away from the satanic hitman in apprehension, rubbing his now sore shoulder and arm. The guy was definitely not a normal baby.

"Have you confessed your feelings to the girl yet?" the hitman prompted not so innocently.

"No, of course not!" Tsuna admitted.

"Why not?"

Tsuna didn't want to go into a whole explanation for the kid but he relented. "Kyoko-chan is our school's idol. A loser like me isn't even her league. Telling her how I feel would be useless."

The home tutor cocked his head to the left. "That kind of thinking is so pathetic it's fantastic. You really are a Dame-Tsuna."

"Hey," Aside from the insult, "how do you know that nickname?"

"Gathering information is a basic skill. Now go confess your feelings to her."

Tsuna frowned. Didn't this baby get it? "No way, that's too scary and she'd never say yes."

Reborn tilted the brim of his fedora down. "Then it looks like it's finally time," he said cryptically.

"Huh?" Time? Time for what?"

Suddenly, the point of a real looking gun was pointed at his face. Click. Tsuna's mind wiped blank and overwhelming feelings of trepidation, terror and excitement settled in his chest.

Come die in an instant. A well known infant with a sadistic sense of humor.

Come die in an instant. An unfamiliar man in a suit and fedora with a strangely recognizable aura.

Come die in an instant. Reborn. Vongola. Flames. Dying will. His dying will. Death. His death. The future...? Reborn!

"Die." Reborn chirped.

Dread. "Huh!?" To be fair, that was the only comprehensible response Tsuna could choke out at that moment.

"H-hey, that's a toy, r-right?" You know it's not, it whispered.

"Come die in an instant."

Tsuna stumbled back. "Hey..." he mumbled. "W-what are you doing?"

Reborn hesitated only for less than a moment. Something had just happened, he thought, with Tsuna. He pushed the inhibition away. "You'll find out when you die," he said. And pulled the trigger.

The bullet plunged deep into the fore of Tsuna's skull. A light blood splatter flew from the wound while the young teen's eyes widened and he fell, fell, (falling, flying) back, to the ground.

I'm...I'm going to die...I'm parting with the world...

Dead. He's dead. A coffin. The sniper. Blood. Iron. Screaming. Sad. Why were they sad? Death. There was death. Dying. He was dying! Juudaime! No, Boss! TSUNAAA!

His friends. His family. No, he hadn't told them...hadn't told them how-how much he'd miss them...how proud he was of all they had accomplished...that he loved them...that he wanted to protect them...protect them...because he...he needed to do something. He was dying. He should have...should've told them how much they mean to him...with a dying will.

His body ungracefully landed with a soft thud and the world faded to black.

[musicalmatrix]

actually the show closing has nothing to do with DEH or the show not winning tonys. CFA only won 1 Tony and they are still making a million dollars a week. the show is closing because of poor marketing choices and replying on celebrities to bring in income.

Alright, listen.

I specifically told you people not to talk to me because I’m angry as hell and it wouldn’t be good for either of us, but now you’ve pissed me off, so now you get a rant, bucko.

CFA is a beautiful show and also deserves to be running. Here’s the dealo tho: Come From Away opened in March. The Great Comet opened in November. When The Great Comet was only in it’s 4th month, they too were making over a million dollars a week! Turns out good shows make a million dollars a week when they’re only four months into their run regardless of the Tony’s!

Oh but wait, The Great Comet isn’t in it’s 4th month now, so now they gotta rely on people actually wanting to see the show! Too bad no one wants to see a show that got nominated for 12 things and lost 10 of them.

“Overall, the show just seems kind of weird. Kind of out there. I don’t know if I’ll enjoy it. Like, I understand that a lot of other people enjoy it, but maybe it just won’t be for me. Besides, if it was a risk to take, like if it’s actually that good, it would have won some awards, right? I think I’ll just spend my money on good normal shows like DEH and CFA.”

Don’t you ever EVER insinuate that awards don’t mean anything when it comes to shows like The Great Comet. Unless your show is already mega famous (like Hamilton), the Tony’s literally save shows. A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder was literally making 52% of it’s potential growth before the Tony’s and skyrocketed to 101% afterwards and ran for another two years. Fun Home was making 60% pre-Tonys. After? 103%. And it played for another year. Kinky Boots was making 75% pre-Tonys. After? 102%. And it’s still running! Also, hey, remember that other show Lin Manuel wrote? In the Heights? It was making 50% pre-Tonys, and after? You guessed it! 108%!! And it got to run for three more years!!

If the point you’re trying to make is the Tony’s don’t affect the income or the longevity of a show, you my friend, are just flat out wrong. (Lin has specifically said before that he was worried going into the Tony’s for ITH because if they didn’t win big, that was the end of the show).

And none of that even touches on the fact that TGC is an incredibly expensive show to put on!! DEH has 7 cast members; CFA has 12! I could waste my time trying to count how many cast members there are in TGC, but quite frankly that would be pointless because we all know it’s waaaaaay more than either of those numbers! So not even including the actual expenses of such an intricate show, I think I can rest my case on the cost of TGC with just the performers’ salaries.

Here’s the thing that really REALLY pisses me off about your ask, though: The insinuation that TGC shouldn’t have to have celebrities to be successful. Last time I checked, BEN PLATT IS A CELEBRITY. AND A LOT OF PEOPLE GOT INTO DEH THROUGH HIM. Not everyone, but a significant number!! It’s really fucking hypocritical to criticize TGC for something DEH is doing!!

And now I feel like I’m going to get 2 types of responses to that: People who are pissed about the Oak fiasco (which I’ve addressed here) [summary: we should def be pissed about blatant racism, but then we shouldn’t have a double standard and let shows like DEH who’ve never even TRIED to be inclusive get away with being successful] and people who say “Yeah, but Ben Platt was perfect for the part.” To which I say: SO IS EVERYONE IN TGC??? Like Josh was amazing? Ingrid’s amazing? Oak is flawless? What is your argument??

And beyond that, your jab at “poor marketing choices and relying on celebrities” is honestly insulting to the entire theater industry. //Every// show DOES THAT. Especially the celebrities thing. It’s the reason Keke Palmer and Carly Rae Jepsen were in Cinderella. It’s the reason Sara Barielles was in Waitress. Chicago funnels in big names every other day. Brendon Urie just saved Kinky Boots!!!! Shows will do anything to stay running because they’ve put so much goddamn effort into it. How fucking dare you insult them for trying to stay running!

You want actual reasons to close a show?? The Phantom in POTO rn is a rapist. School of Rock is running solely because of children, and tbh those children deserve a better show. When will we as a society decide it’s FINALLY time to let go of Chicago?! (Seriously. Let it die. I’m begging you. I love it. But I’m begging you.)

Anyways this ask completely irritated me, and if you think DEH and the Tony’s had absolutely nothing to do with TGC closing, I’m going to kindly ask you to fuck off, because you’re so wrong, it hurts.

[poor-boy-orpheus]

Why Dear Evan Hansen Deserves to Win the Tony for Best Musical

This show has been workshopped and developed for 3+ years and over that time it’s developed a cult following, and it’s not hard to see why. Dear Evan Hansen’s core is about a mentally ill young man trying to navigate high school while balancing his desire to both disappear but also be seen. It’s a cry of help that millions of students worldwide can all relate to in an age of social media. The show serves both as a breath of fresh air to those who feel unseen due to their mental illness, while also trying to serve hope to these individuals when it seems that nobody is there. Musicals that deals honestly and accurately with mental illness are few and far between, but Dear Evan Hansen is one of them. Here’s why it should win the Tony. We’ll start with the visuals. I am not personally a fan of projections when it comes to theatre sets. Call me old fashioned, but I want to see a set that was constructed and painted, rather than just some photograph that’s being projected. That said, Dear Evan Hansen may be the one show that absolutely needs its projections, and uses them well. DEH has a heavy emphasis on social media, and how we respond to issues such as suicide and depression online. There really is no better way to show that than a battering ram of images all flying up at lightning speed carrying messages from millions of anonymous strangers around the world when Evan’s video goes viral and that’s exactly what DEH’s lighting team did. And it’s not just the projections either, the lighting designers use spotlights brilliantly to illustrate Evan when he is alone and feels separate from everyone else, and when he feels supported. We have moments of staggering light shows that rival Daft Punk’s concerts, followed immediately by intimate blackness split by a single spotlight. The lights are the real heroes of this show, and they carry the story perfectly. When it comes to the music of DEH, it’s a little hard to pin down exactly what the genre is. Some have called it pop, others rock, and a few call it alternative. One thing is certain though, Dear Evan Hansen thrives on driving beats and beautiful melodies. The actors do rely a bit more on acting quality than singing, making each song an emotional roller coaster culminating in the constant weeping we all achieve by the end (except you glove song, no one likes you). Way back when the show was still in DC, a video surfaced of Ben Platt singing the show’s anthem song, Waving Through a Window and it went viral. People instantly fell in love with the Pitch Perfect star and interest in the show skyrocketed. For Forever, Requiem, Only Us, You Will Be Found, and So Big/So Small continued to deliver on the promise of that first video. Then we get to the acting and honestly, what can I even say? Ben Platt is one of the finest musical actors Broadway has had the privilege of seeing since Mandy Patinkin. From perfect muscle control (he shakes most of the show!!) to his seemingly endless ability to cry on demand, Platt has poured so much into his portrayal of Evan that is always evident and admirable. Similarly Mike Faist and Rachel Bay Jones bring their characters to a visceral level that connect to audiences immediately. In my opinion, Dear Evan Hansen represents the best of acting ability currently to be found on Broadway, and I can’t wait to see all this entire cast continues to do. Dear Evan Hansen is more than just a musical, it’s a beacon of hope for the mentally ill. It’s messages are not always correctly interpreted or appreciated, but they are there all the same. DEH is in the ranks of shows such as Next to Normal for accurately giving audiences a taste of what it is like to have anxiety in the age of social media, and it well deserves to be recognized for that achievement. Great Comet          Come From Away           Groundhog Day

[kennothythebard]

Things I’ve learned about writing DEH characters

THIS IS NOT A GUIDE BY ANY MEANS THIS IS JUST SOME OBSERVATIONS AND THINGS I DO.

So while researching for and writing “A Worthy Explanation” (pls read i crave validation) I’ve noticed a lot of little things that I don’t always see mentioned in writing guides for these characters so I thought I’d point some of these out. Idk how love this is going to be so I’ll prolly put a cut here.

General

I like to create kind of a “loneliness chart” and graph the kids on it (looks kinda like those political alignment things). On one axis theres introverted vs. extroverted, and on the other theres like polite vs. rude I guess? But in summary: Evan is introverted polite, Jared is extroverted rude, Alana is extroverted polite, Connor is introverted rude, and Zoe... is just kinda generally lonely. Where she falls really depends on what’s going on with her (but she typically is a less extreme introverted rude than Connor).

Obviously each character has their own faults, but I often see these faults viewed quite selectively, see “cinnamon roll evan” and “fucking larry” for two very different examples of this phenomenon. Evan is not perfect and always trying to be nice, and Larry is not a super abusive parent who deserves no happiness in this life. They’re both complex and it’s hard to let go of our misconceptions to write truer to the characters (e.g. I really, Really don’t like Larry. I see him as a lousy father who just kind of chose to be “the strict one” but does nothing but criticize and dole out punishment, ignoring his kids any other time), but that’s an important part of deh, is that people aren’t always what we perceive them to be.

Evan

Evan is often viewed as like a cinnamon roll, but in act 2 especially Evan gets mean. Like, he’s dismissive and rude and angry and just a jerk. Evan can be just as bad if not worse than some of the “angrier” characters

Ppl often talk about his lying as his biggest character flaw, but I’d argue that most of the lying we see in the show just stems from the one lie which he was kinda forced to make bc he was in a bad place (i mean, thats pretty much the entire point of awe).

The character flaw that I don’t see discussed enough is that he’s ashamed of his mental illness. He’d rather pretend it’s not there, even when it impacts every part of his life. He doesn’t do the letters the way his therapist assigned them, he’s apprehensive towards medication and stops taking it, and basically feeds into his self-destructive tendencies, arguing his mother sees his as “broke” or something to be fixed.

Jared

I love writing Jared

There’s already a lot about what a complex character he is and stage directions, but one thing that most people notice is his actions frequently contradict his words. Take the sincerely me reprise at the start of act 2. Why would he try to insert himself into the narrative at this point? What good would that do at this point? When evan dismisses him he gets annoyed and defensive. He says that he can’t do anything until Monday because he’s hanging with his camp friends (whom he claims are his “real friends,” a term he will later ascribe to himself regarding Evan in Good For You), and when Evan dismisses him again he tries to offer to help with the kickstarter, but is quickly shot down once more by Evan. Despite what seems to be a natural ending place in the conversation, he insists on continuing to talk with Evan, and when Evan cuts him off again he becomes rude and slightly threatening. This happens over the course of maybe three minutes and it’s one of the most insightful scenes to jared’s character

When writing a canon-compliant Jared, his actions and thoughts should conflict with his words. He cares about Evan but he’d never say that out loud (in more canon-compliant fics), and it hurts when he’s pushed away, which he responds to with anger.

Zoe

Zoe is one of the most difficult characters to write, imo.

She’s often portrayed in a slightly sweeter, saccharine way in fanon as just like a fun, silly girl who is just a tad sarcastic, but really you can tell that she’s Connor’s brother. She’s angry, blunt, unafraid of speaking her mind, etc. Yes, she is funny and kinda sarcastic, but her sarcasm isn’t always of the funny variety. She’s obviously angry at her parents, but this often comes across as a “doesn’t love them” variety of anger when her real feelings seem to be much more complex. 

Basically, I’m still learning a lot about writing her but I think just like the other kids she’s a little lonely, so Evan comes along and he’s there and that’s enough for her. She has such a wide range of emotions that I don’t feel are always accurately represented, even by me. (especially by me)

Alana

Hella, hella lonely. Covers it up by talking to people and doing extracurriculars. Sure, “college apps” is her excuse for why she does so much, but it’s not the real reason. If she keeps busy, she doesn’t have to be alone with her thoughts. But at the same time she has similar fears to Evan about people seeing the worst of her. “Close acquaintances” seems to be a statement about how little she makes friends, but I also see it as a defense mechanism. If she remains “close acquaintances” with people, she’ll never have to be their friend and they’ll never have to see the worst of her.

She’s cheerful and annoying, but in the way that pisses high schoolers off. Like, we all knew that one kid who was just way way too nice, and most of us were like “yeah ok they’re pretty cool i guess” but like some people just hated their positivity. It also doesn’t help that she tries to insert herself in situations she hasn’t been invited in, and does some questionable things to help her accomplish her goals. (Evan/Alana contrast: Evan does questionable things to accomplish internal goals, Alana does them to accomplish external goals)

Gets easily distracted. Forgets to sign Evan’s cast in scene 1. Her mind has a million different thoughts at any given moment. It wouldn’t be out of line to headcanon ADHD Alana (some of the things she does reminds me of the things I do when I forget my meds).

Connor

?????

We don’t see a lot to really get a huge insight into his personality. We know he was angry and had some serious mental illness.

We also know that he could recognize when he went too far and would go out of his way to make amends. (Why was he in the computer lab? Why did he sign Evan’s cast?) He may recognize a kindred spirit in Evan.

Clearly he doesnt hate his family (he goes to school despite not wanting to go, and seeing Zoe’s name is what sets him off showing possible concern), and it would not surprise me to learn that he thought his family would be better and happier without him. He clearly has intense emotions and reactions even to things that might seem minuscule or inconsequential. When writing him in canon, I think of a rubber band stretched too tight, and any characters action could loosen or tighten the pulling.

Heidi

Such an emotional character, I nearly break my own heart when I’m trying to writer her.

Theres two odd kind of paradoxes in a parent-child relationship like that between Heidi and Evan. For Heidi, the paradox is that the more she wants to do for Evan, the less she can actually be there for him. For Evan, he wants his mother to succeed and loves her so much that he might even encourage her to not worry about him or spend time with him, but then resents that she’s never there. Or at least when he meets a mother who can provide and be there.

Heidi pretty much worries herself sick over Evan. Evan comes before everything else in her life, and so it’s easy for her to feel like she failed him, which is a huge reason for her intense reaction in Good for you: evan has just confirmed her fears that she’s failed him.

Heidi tries so hard, but she isn’t perfect. She’s clearly very sensitive about money or about Evan’s father, and this sensitivity can easily change to anger or passive-aggressiveness. She has deep insecurities that we may never see or fully comprehend.

Cynthia

Mom. like shes completely a mom. like, “can i speak to your manager?” type mom.

Loves her kids and tries to be supportive but struggles communicating with two very headstrong, sarcastic kids

she probably wouldn’t say this, but takes connor’s death very personally. wonders why he would do this to her 

Is desperate for her children to listen and understand her. Which Evan is more than willing to do.

A little bit selfish? Like, thinks about what will make her better rather than accepting everybody grieves differently

Larry

Fucking larry. I don’t like him and he’s the hardest character for me to write.

Ok since I made such a big deal about it in the intro i’ll try to be nicer than id normally be

A masculine archetype. Sports dad, wants sports son, which Connor isn’t

He’s got some really ableist/misogynistic tendencies that causes the intense demonization of him in the fanon but I mean... he could be worse i guess? (that’s literally the best i can say about that so yeah i dont like him at all)

Really just oblivious. Completely ignored Connor’s need for help, does not know how to read a room, you could say he frequently has a foot in his mouth if it weren’t so intentional.

I mean...probably a good guy if you can get past all that stuff? just really, really self absorbed.

yikes that was long. Again, not really a guide, just some things I think about when writing these characters. if you read this far at all thank you for indulging me this much.

[athleisure-aesthetic]

Ugh I did the thing again where I was busy all week and forgot to post on here. So here’s a lightning fast recap of my workouts from the past week, if you care at all. I actually think I worked out (ish, except Friday kinda) every day which is a first in a while. Bless.

Tues Mar 21 Abs and shopping. I went home after work to get my car so that I could drive to trainings the next two days, but went out to Target as soon as I got home, cause duh. Stupid idea to try on like real clothes tho, my self-conscious ass was like ohhhhh no way you need to tighten up those saddle bags and that back fat before you get any of this. So. I got a crop sweatshirt and athletic leggings, felt bad about myself but hadn’t had dinner, so I went to Wawa. Woof.

3x each 15 reps straight leg raises 15 reps roll ups leaning camel x 45s bird dogs x 45s 60 reps heal touches plank 35s, 40s, 45s 10 reps assisted push up 40 reps russian twists 8# alternating superman 1 min 15 reps single leg pulses

Wed Mar 22 Run on the trail after this horrific training class in which I was literally the only student for an all day session. And I had to go back the next day 😩 went to Marshall’s before my run to see if I could find any cold weather gear bc I only had my sweatshirt, gloves, wool earwarmers, and thin leggings. Didn’t find any of that, but got those AMAZING NEON PINK LEGGINGS IN THAT ONE PICTURE and some other ones too. You know me, can’t stay away from that athleisure ish.

It was hella freezing and took me so long to warm up once I started on the trail. Fortunately it was so picturesque and my music was bangin so. I survived.

2.78 mi 9'55" min / mi

Thurs Mar 23 6 x 200m sprints on the trail. Bless up, convinced my instructor to finish early bc tbh he was not really all that helpful once I started following the book that was included, so I went to the mall and got some more athleisure (deh), cheap sunglasses, athletic ear warmers for $.50 each, a VERY cute lightweight rain jacket, and (!!!!!) these black leather slip-on sneakers I’ve been looking for for like 6 months. I just caved and got the name brand ones but stILl omg I’m so excited about them I finally found them.

Started the sprints in the cotton leggins I was wearing, then after like maybe 9 or 10 strides I was like oh FUCk no they suddenly lost all their elasticity and I was having to pull them up for my life. So after completely embarrassing myself hoisting those mothereffers up for my first sprint, I jumped in the car and changed into spandex pants, then zoomed back to the trail start and actually did my workout. Good thing my house is only 8 minutes away from that part of the trail.

I think I may have mis-read what my Nike app was telling me to do, but I’m pretty sure it said to do 6 x 200m sprints with 4:45 min in between. So that’s essentially what I did, I sprinted for the 200m and ran / jogged in between. Although the app only recorded the distance for the sprints, I wanna say I did a little more than the day before, since I went further on the trail. I hate that you can’t go back and check what it told you to do; you only see how you actually ran according to the app. Lame af. Though I was proud, I increased my sprint speed at almost every length except the 3rd.

0.77mi 6'59" min / mi (lol can’t believe I actually ran a mile faster than that at one point in my life holy shit)

Fri Mar 24 No real workout here, since I had to leave work early to take the train back to le Nova for Palooza. I scarfed down a Snap pizza (the classic spot) right before the show, and somehow stayed away from the dangers of late night college food. Though I did get all my steps in my showing one of our friends’ home friend around campus, and apparently that little tour counted for a nice brisk walk. Obvi the Snovas killed it, as a great opener for what my friends and I dubbed AcaWeekend. Saturday they’d be competing at ICCA regional semifinals #pitchperfect for the first time ever, which was so exciting. Palooza the day before was just their warmup, but fortunately we got to see two new songs from them. It kinda sucked for them though bc they went first out of the seven groups and the sound guys always need a few groups to warm up before they actually refine the balance, and they just sounded muddled. Womp. Oh well. Everyone knows they’re/we’re the best anyway. Proud alum.

Sat Mar 25 Run in the morning before the day’s festivities. This was a quick workout before most of the humans who stayed in my apartment became humans, a brief mile ish to the waterfront and back. I realized I’d been wearing a blueish shirt and black leggings in literally all of my pics lately so I spiced it up with these fun stripey ones. Lol.

We adventured to brunch, where I had a yummy spinach and goat cheese salad with fig dressing, and wandered around the city for the afternoon before we had to head to semis. I splurged on Hunger Burger at RTM because I told myself that this was my indulgence for the weekend, and I wasn’t going to be drinking anymore for the next few months (it’s not like I do it that often anyway, I just want to try it to see how it helps my training/weight loss, if at all), so I got a specialty thin mint shake. Woops. Honestly, it was so worth it though, and I didn’t even end up eating most of the fries anyway, so it wasn’t the worst I could’ve done.

At semis, there were literally so many good groups and we were all like oh shit how are they going to stack up?? But Snovas SLAYED even better than they did last time and ENDED UP IN THIRD PLACE WHICH IS THE CRAZIEST BEST HONOR WE’VE EVER GOTTEN AND IT’S JUST SO COOL!!!!! A cappella is the shit, guys, I swear. I’m so proud of those kiddos, and they get to submit a wildcard video for a chance at Finals in NYC which is like legitimately insane. They’re somewhere in the top 18-27 groups in the country right now, and coming from a school where we legit don’t have music majors and a joke of a music activities staff / support, this coulD NOT be cooler. They murdered it. And so did all the other groups at semis, like damn. We weren’t even sure anything was gonna happen for them, but they clearly did some things right. Ugh so obvi we celebrated when we got back to Philly, going to a few bars and ending up at Frankford, where we got some amazing soft pretzels and other snacks. Best day ever.

1.26 mi 9'21" min / mi

1.32 mi 10'03" min / mi

Sun Mar 26 Long ish run and relaxing. Got up and was worried about the weather forecast for Monday because I was supposed to be doing my long run for next week then, and it was going to be torrentially downpouring all day, so I was hoping to switch my days because the weather was decent enough that I could’ve done it on Sunday. But then I updated my app and A, it changed my schedule for this week anyway, and B, I remember I could’ve moved it anyway if I wanted to. So instead I went and did that 5K Sunday challenge thing that it introduced. And I ran back from there, so it actually was closer to the 5 miles I had wanted to do anyway. So ya.

I felt a little subconscious in these leggings because, though they are a spectacularly bright and amazing color, they also show my cellulite on the back of my legs… but I thought, fuck it, people will see me, and if they give me a look, I’ll just push harder and show them that cellulite means nothing if you’re fast and capable and strong. So. I used it to empower me, I guess.

Spent the rest of the day relaxing and watching ICCA videos, still hyped up on the Snovas victory. Legit it’s still coming to me in waves, it’s actually incredible.

3.11 mi 9'41" min / mi

1.53 mi 9'44" min /mi

Mon Mar 27 Full body circuit and a benchmark run. Work is starting to bore me so much lol on Monday I think I may have done approximately 2 work related things all day, otherwise I was just distracted. I decided to do a NTC workout and then my benchmark, so I chose Body Flexor 2.0, which worked a lot of different areas and was pretty fun. Then I ran on the treadmill for my benchmark for the first time, which was weird knowing my exact speed at certain times and being able to force myself to a certain pace. If I have to do it that way again, next time I’ll just cover the numbers and just focus on how it feels to push hard. The picture up there is me literally dying because of how sweaty I was. Plus fun leggings from Marshall’s.

1.54 mi 9'49" min / mi

Tues Mar 28 Abs / some arms, plus 20 minutes on the elliptical. I was an idiot today, and not only forgot a hair tie after my shower, but I left my phone at home, which I realized too late in the elevator on the way to work. Nice. So I had to go without both all day, though Kelly let me borrow a hair tie so I could work out thank GoD cause I was looking at using a legit rubber band, which would’ve been awful. The moves I chose for abs today ended up also working my arms a lot, which was nice to combo them. Because I didn’t have my phone, I just kind of had to make up my elliptical workout, which was meh but whatever. Next time I’ll be prepared. That’s definitely not my favorite type of cardio anyway.

Tonight I made these AMAZING baked zucchini fries, I probably could’ve eaten like 90 million in one sitting they were so crunchy and good. My sweet potato fries didn’t turn out so good (I actually burned the shit out of them, but I’m going to attempt to eat them tomorrow for lunch anyway 🙃) but I’m happy I’m trying new things in the kitchen, even if it’s taking me like 3 hours each time lolol.

I’m down a few pounds from last week, though, which is kind of nice! A little affirmation after working hard every day.

3x each 15 reps dumbbell side bends alt. sides 8# 15 reps twisting core stabilizers alt. sides 8# 15 reps bow extensions alt. sides 8# 15 reps woodchops 8# 10 reps windmills 5# 40 reps russian twists 8# 30 s plank 7 reps full extension inch worms 15 reps in-&-outs

Wooooof I’m going to try to post more often now that I’m all caught up. Lol it may last for a day but you know. #Goals.

[twobitcowboy]

And when it comes (I won’t be done)

a/n: TRIGGER WARNING: slightly in depth descriptions of panic attacks including gross vomiting so if that’s a trigger maybe don’t read this or try to skip around it, it’s only in the beginning few paragraphs. so this is my first DEH fic and actually the first fic i’ve written in over a year so i’m sorry if it’s awful. this is based off my own lovely anxiety experiences but obviously didn’t go exactly like this. however, cookie monster ice cream is a real thing and it’s good as fuck so if you ever get the chance to try it, do it. you will not regret it. Connor and Evan might be slightly ooc because i haven’t written in a long time. i also might make this part of a series? please tell me what you think in the comments. that’s all, hope you enjoy!

read it here on ao3 

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The bathroom stall floor is surprisingly comfortable, contrary to popular belief. The only noticeable pain is the ache in his neck that he’ll be feeling for a few days after this and oh yeah, the searing pain in his lungs and how it feels like someone is using his heart as a stress ball. That’s only a small problem right now though. The real problem is that there is someone else in the bathroom right now and Evan really needs more tissue. The one in his hand is soaked in drool and snot to the point it’s running down his arm and soaking his sleeve. Which is, eww gross, just because he’s having a panic attack doesn’t mean he doesn’t have standards. He’s been holding his breath since he saw the boots appear from under the door of the stall he’s hiding in and now that’s beginning to be a bit difficult. Evan tears his eyes from where he’s been staring at the shoes and to the toilet paper dispenser. Looking up from the floor it seems a million miles away. The dull metal that is covered in sharpie penises is now his greatest foe. Slowly he moves his arm from where it’s plastered to his chest and reaches up to snag the tail of the paper. If he wasn’t already holding his breath he would be now, moving his arm down inch by inch the toilet paper descends to him. He’s doing pretty good so far, the sound of the sink gives him a chance to pull faster and the person not hear the rattle of cardboard on metal.

Just his luck though, the person sneezes and it scares his already jumpy nerves. On instinct he flinches, pulling his hand to his chest and making the metal dispenser clank deafeningly. He freezes once he realizes his mistake and lets out his breath as quietly as he can, but his voice still quivers into it.

“Huh?” He hears the person ask and a shoes squeaks against the ugly brown tiles. “Hello? Uhh, is anyone in there?” Evan tries to stay quiet but can’t hold it in anymore. He takes in a gasp of air and then proceeds to sob and gag into the toilet bowl. “Oh shit, uh whoa. Hey, hey which stall are you in?” The boy asks again and 1) like hell Evan is going to answer 2) his voice is gone and it won’t be back for a good three to five business days thank you very much. Instead he lets out another blubber and screws his eyes shut as more tears catch on his eyelashes and trickle down his face.  He can hear the boy pushing open stall doors as they bang against the wall and it won’t be long before he finds Evan. There’s a hesitant knock on his door and the sound of fabric rustling as he turns to see the boy sitting crisscross on the floor. “Hey, are you ok? Do I need to call someone?” Evan can’t answer that with anything other than a sob and hastily unlocks his phone to write a note. The boy is still talking softly to him as he types a message and slides his phone across the tiles, making a horrendous scraping sound. He sees a hand with long, slender fingers topped off with black polish wrap around the screen.  After a moment the boy speaks to him, “Hi Evan, I’m Connor. I can see you’re scared of me but I promise I won’t hurt you. How about you talk to me and I can get you out of here?”

Evan just lets out another sob and hyperventilates which is not good, he thought this stage had already passed but it has decided to come back. Connor is shushing him and telling his it’s going to be ok, and then sliding the phone back under the door. Evan reaches out and draws it back to his person and types another note before throwing it across the floor. He’s pretty sure he’s cracked it, opps. That will be something Future Evan can deal with because Future Evan is good and not a mess. Now Evan likes Future Evan, Future Evan has his life somewhat together. Now Evan is currently trying to hide behind a toilet and sitting in water, at least he hopes its water. No, that’s definitely piss. Great. The hand shoots out and snags the phone before it can go any further and reads Evan’s new note. “Evan, buddy, I know you’re really scared but I need you to unlock the door so I can get you out. We can go anywhere you want. I can call your mom-,” Connor doesn’t get to finish that sentence because now Evan is chanting no over and over and the sound of his voice mixed with sobs is a terrible sound that makes Connor’s heart ache. Evan’s mantra is cut off as he gags and dry heaves into the toilet and god knows how much he’s already thrown up for nothing to come up. “That’s ok Evan; I won’t call your mom. Just breathe for me, deep breaths. That’s it, good job. I can take you home, or out for ice cream. Everyone likes ice cream. Have you ever been to A La Mode? It’s really good, they have all these specialty flavors. My favorite is cookie monster; it’s got cookie dough, chocolate chips, Oreo bits and its blue! How cool is that?” Yeah so now Connor is rambling but it seems to be working, Evan’s breaths are calmer now and they sobs are few and far in between.

Evan makes some sounds that aren’t cries and sound a little like words. Guiltily Connor asks him to repeat himself because he couldn’t understand the first time. He doesn’t do too much better this time but Connor can make out a few words. “You can’t move?” Evan hums an affirmation and Connor reckons it’s time to slide the phone back to him, so he does. “Can you tell me why you can’t move?” As it turns out Evan is very, very scared, his mom worries too much and he doesn’t want to be a bother to her, and he hasn’t been to A La Mode and thinks it sounds nice. Connor learns this all over the next twenty minutes and at some point the school police officer appeared and Connor told him the situation. He then realized that he is indeed talking a boy down from a panic attack on the bathroom floor that’s covered in piss. What is his life? But hey, at least he’s not high, you’re welcome mom.

Meanwhile Evan is forcing himself to scoot closer and closer to the stall door as his whole body shakes. He’s cleaned up as well as he can but there’s no doubt his face is red as a tomato and his eyes are puffy. His hands tremble as he reaches his arm across the stall that feels like its miles long instead of feet. He finally latches onto the lock and weakly wraps his fingers around the notch and pulls with all the strength he has left. The lock doesn’t budge, not a bit. Evan whimpers and draws his hand back. One step forward, two steps back.

“Evan? What’s wrong?” Connor asks, voice full of concern, he shifts closer to the door, “go on, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Stuck,” Evan rasps.

“Stuck? The lock?” Connor has his hand of the handle now and is pulling it lightly, like that will help any.

“Mhmm.” Evan steels himself and reaches out again and pulls at the lock again, this time it comes loose and he flinches back as Connor tumbles into the stall, he has obviously putting his body weight on the door and wasn’t expecting it to open. The door slams against the wall with a bang and Evan finally gets a look at his helper.

Connor in unfairly gorgeous with long medium brown hair and an angular face that combats Evan’s own round one. “Uh, hi,” Connor says once his face isn’t kissing the floor. Evan rasps back a hello, fully aware that he looks like a Trash Child. Connor looks as flustered as Evan feels, hair a bit wild and cheeks flushed with this lovely red color Evan would like as a shirt. Connor clears his throat and looks around at the damage that Evan has made. His bookbag and jacket are scattered across the floor and the toilet bowl is full of tissues and spit. Evan tries to swallow but grimaces at the dry burn, the hyperventilating dried out his throat. Connor takes it upon himself to lead the way and gathers up Evan’s bookbag and hands him his jacket. He reaches past Evan’s head to flush the toilet and then stands up, reaching out his hand. “Up you get,” Connor commands and Evan shyly reaches out with his clammy hand and grabs Connor’s, who then pulls him up. His knees buckle and he ducks protectively in on himself. Connor wraps an arm around him and pulls him into his side, shushing and soothing him. “I got you, I got you. It’s alright Evan, I got you.” This makes Evan feels much better. They slowly shuffle towards the exit and Evan catches sight of the campus cop, OJ. Now Evan likes OJ, loves him even, but his mind only sees him as a threat at the moment and reacts by making him flinch and whimper into Connor’s armpit. How rotten, he was doing so well.

“It’s ok Evan, that’s just OJ. He’s here to make sure we get to the car safely and don’t run into anybody,” Connor reassures him but Evan isn’t so sure. Instead he closes his eyes and whispers, “go,” to Connor hoping he will lead them to safety. It takes them awhile but Connor slowly navigates the two of them through the school and to the student parking lot. Connor bids OJ goodbye once they reach his car and Evan scrambles into the passenger seat and puts on his seatbelt. To his right Connor climbs in and cranks the car, setting the air temperature so that it’s warm and comfy. They then pull out of the parking lot and Evan allows himself to doze off the gentle rocking of the car and sound of tires on asphalt.

Evan wakes with a jolt, still very groggy and exhausted. Connor is peering at him, leaned into the passenger side of the car.

“Hey wake up, we’re here.” It takes Evan a second to remember where ‘here’ is but then he looks at the fancy font on the sign and remembers Connor has taken him to get ice cream. Evan likes ice cream, who doesn’t like ice cream? Connor has taken it upon himself to unbuckle Evan already and he backs away from the door to give him space to get out. Evan stretches his legs out from where he curled into a ball in this sleep and realizes he’s very stiff. He shuts the car door behind him and trails after Connor into the quaint little shop. The bell above the door dings happily and the sudden chill of the shop makes Evan shiver. Connor looks at him with a soft smile and asks what he wants. Evan lets his eyes trail over all the flavors on display and other options on the chalkboard menu. After a minute or two of debate Evan taps Connor on the arm and points to the pastel pink and blue of the cotton candy flavor. Connor nods and asks what size he wants but Evan hadn’t thought that far ahead so he just shrugs and says, “you pick.”

Connor walks up the the counter and is pleasant with the girl and orders for them, two scoop cookie monster and one scoop of cotton candy. Evan bides his time by looking around the shop at the glass cases full of pastries and and other delicate décor that litters the counters and walls. After paying, Connor hands Evan his cone and tells him, “why don’t we sit outside? It’s a nice day out and the sun is good for you.” Evan nods in agreement and the bells chimes goodbye and they settle into the uncomfortable metal seats under the pavilion and take leisurely licks of their ice cream. Evan hums in contentment at the sweet sugar flavor on his tongue, it’s been so long since he’s had cotton candy ice cream he forgot how good it tasted.

“Good?” Connor asks and the shorter boy nods yes and looks over at his companion and tilts his head in a question. ‘Your’s good?’ it seems to ask. Connor chuckles, “yeah, do you want some?” He extends his hand over the table and tilts the blue desert towards Evan. Evan stares for a long time at the cone in Connor’s hand as some of the ice cream melts and a blue streak trickles over his long fingers. Evan clears his throat, blushing and tilts his head forward. He takes a slow lick and catches a bit of cookie dough and it starts to tumble, he jerks his head and catches it in his mouth, pulling away.  Connor is blushing that lovely color again and Evan has to restrain himself from reaching over and seeing if that color comes with a heat. Wait, what the fuck? He stops that train of thought and interrogates it thoroughly. ‘Head Evan that’s like hella gay.’ Head Evan just shrugs and waves a tiny pride flag around, honestly fuck Head Evan. Now Evan snaps back to the present when Connor asks him a question he didn’t hear.

“Huh?”

“I asked how you broke your arm,” Connor repeats casually but his eyes show he’s very curious, how interesting. Head Evan files this information away for later, research purposes. Evan looks away and picks at a hang nail, tearing the skin off. It stings as blood rushes to the surface. He should probably answer the question now.

“I uh, fell out of a tree,” he whispers and quickly shoves more ice cream in his mouth so he can’t talk anymore. Connor’s eye brows meet on his forehead and his mouth turns down into a little frown.

“You’re a senior in high school and you broke your arm falling out of a tree? Isn’t that like something an elementary school kid would do?” Ok that’s a little cruel but he does have a point. But in Evan’s defense he didn’t plan on being alive to deal with the aftermath of jumping from a tree. He says as much.

“I didn’t plan on it being a problem when I ju-fell.” That causes a stiff silence and they continue to eat their ice cream. Connor breaks the silence after a few minutes.

“Can I sign it?”

“Sign what?”Evan asks confused, head snapped up to look at the long haired boy.

“Your cast, can I sign it?” Connor clarifies.

“Oh, yes.” Evan nods and Connor gets up from the table, metal chair scraping on concrete. It makes Evan’s ears ring. He watches Connor walk to his car and rummage through the console, grumbling quietly before giving a triumphant, “Ah ha!” He comes back to the table with a sharpie in hand. Evan extends his arm and listens to the sound of the felt tip scraping over plaster. It should make his skin crawl but he doesn’t mind it in all honesty. Instead he watches Connor scrawl his name in big capital letters over his broken ulna. Evan smiles at how large the name is written, it takes up almost all the space on the cast. The two of them spend the next few minutes eating their ice cream and making slow conversation. Connor tells Evan he hates his parents and Evan snorts and murmurs something about teenage angst. Connor flicks a left over straw wrapper at him for that. Evan tells Connor he likes trees and Connor calls him a hippie. Evan blushes and tells him to shut up.

It’s getting to be four o’clock and Connor suggests they head home. Evan agrees once realizing how tired he actually is. He will defiantly be taking a five hour depression nap when he gets home. They load back up into the car and drive silently for a bit until Connor realizes something important.

“I need your address Evan,” he says, slowing to stop at a red light. Evan likes that, how much he says his name. It keeps him grounded. He tells Connor his address and where it’s at in context to other landmarks around town. “Wait did you say you live across from Hooters?” Connor has a smirk on his face.

Evan stutters out his correction, “Hoofers, I live in the neighborhood across from Hoofers.”

“Oh the big barn turned restaurant that closed and is now home to the aggressively modern and hypocritical church?”

“Yeah that one.”

The car is thrumming a somber song, engine weeping softly in loss and Evan can fully agree. They’re sitting in Evan’s driveway and he can’t quite convince his body to get out and leave, which is fine right now but soon Connor is going to notice and get wierded out. Evan really doesn’t want to lose his maybe almost friend so quickly.

“Can I get your number?” Connor’s voice is loud and sudden, it startles Evan. “Sorry,” he apologizes.

“You…want my number?”

“Uh, yeah. So we can stay in touch, and so I can check up on you.” Ok that’s a small disappointment. Connor, the beautiful boy, only wants his number to make sure he won’t end up dead. Which makes sense, who would want Evan the Trash Child’s number? But still, they connected so well, they had ice cream together. Ice cream creates a real bond that should not be messed with or taken lightly. Evan isn’t going to say any of this obviously; he just enters his contact into Connor’s phone and hands it back to him. Then they’re both sitting there again, silent in Evan’s driveway listening to the car cry farewell. He’s overthinking this, it shouldn’t be this hard. Why can’t he just get up and out of Connor’s 2008 Honda civic? ‘Well, it is a nice car.’ ‘SHUT UP HEAD EVAN!’  He can’t take it anymore.

“ByethankyoufortheicecreamandnotthinkingImweirdforhavingapanicattackinthebathroom,” he blurts out, snatches his bookbag from the floor board and darts from the car, across the driveway and up to the front porch before Connor can even realize what’s happening. Evan’s fumbling to get his key in the lock when he hears Connor speak from where he’s now standing by his open car door.

“Bye Evan, see you at school,” that’s nice. No big expectations. A simple ‘bye I’ll see you in the hall and never speak to you again.’ Evan can handle that, that’s a small thing Evan can do. So he gives Connor a small, shy smile and scurries into his house, slamming the door behind him. He can hear the car’s tires grinding asphalt and slowly driving away. Once he can’t hear it anymore he lets out a sigh and wanders to his bedroom, dumping his belongings on the floor and flopping into bed. He crawls under the covers and shuts his eyes, letting some peace finally wash over him.