#and can i write more songs about small offhand comments you make | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

winstonhenderson · 7 months ago

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𝟏𝟗𝟔𝟖.

𝓝𝓸𝓽 𝓐 𝓛𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓚𝓲𝓭 𝓐𝓷𝔂𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮

𝙎𝘼𝘾𝙍𝙄𝙁𝘼𝙈𝙀 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎

George’s Notes

We were in India. Another place. Far from home. Enjoying meditation. Having fun.

This was my passion! In 1966. I brought the sitar and Julia loved it! Or John. Whatever. She used it in her “Norwegian Wood”. I always liked to talk about Ravi to them whenever I got the chance and all of them knew how much I liked Indian culture. So this getaway to our “ideological savior” seemed like a great way to relax ourselves. And for me, a great way to attract the writing pair’s attention! They always put Ringo and me down, even when they don’t necessarily mean it.

But the most important thing to me is that we all cleared our heads. Ritch left first. I felt sad, he and I hang out a lot, so the fact of him leaving first hit hard. Also, I understood why he did, he had bad allergies and the food here was upsetting for him.

The two that were left gave me a hard time, each in their own way. They talked to each other from time to time. Haven’t seen them talk normally for a while. Paul would be prissy and make stupid comments, while John was unbearlably fucking around with the idea of the religion. Paul was a bit too conservative for this so he left next. He tried out all the things this place had to offer, and I must say, maybe he explored this place the best. Linda was fine too… She is a nice gal. Like Cynthia, who I had the biggest crush on for a very long time. She fit in fine, and only seemed to care about two things; relaxing and John. John decided to stay however long I wanted to stay. Of course, we are quite similar, she was starry eyed too. Pattie and I had a lot of fun together, just hanging about and talking about the most basic stuff. It became a lot quieter since Paul left. John made some jokes but her-or his-or goddamn it, I’ve known this for six years and still can’t get it right! John’s attention was elsewhere.

What I didn’t expect was that Cynthia and Pattie became close and started to hang out on their own leaving us two behind. This was the chance to sell to John my idea for songs. Although, John looked more spaced out than usual. Offhanded comments here and there. Something about the sun, or nature, or the feel of the wind. John got poetic fast. And now, John and I are sitting here, on the beach. “Geo, do you really believe this small guru?”, oh… This is serious. It’s not really John when it’s serious.

“Yes, why?”

“Hum.”, she took a biscuit.

“Julia, why do you say that?”

“I think he is doing some fraudulent activities. Paul found something while he was scavenging.”

“And you still trust Paul?”, oh no, she is mad. Or no… Dissapointed.

She chuckled.

“Geo, he is still my songwriting partner. And here you are.”

She handed me the paper. It had a complete description of some customers' orders and the amount they charge. There was the order and then a tipping mechanism where they took 50% from people.

“I felt like Maharishi was a good little guru. Always setting up people. Making you bite.”, what the fuck are you saying Lennon!

“Me? We all bit it!”

“You bit it first.”

“Lord, Jules… Could be fake for all I know, or could be I dunno repurposed.”

“George. I’m not exaggerating aaaaand I’m not letting you spend any more money on this SCUM.”

“I know how to handle money! Sometimes better than you! Always better than John!”

“You don’t involve John in this! This is about you!”, Julia.

“Jules, I am not that fifteen year old anymore! I’m twenty five! I can make the right decisions on my own!”

Julia was distraught. But I told her the truth!

“Look, I know you are responsible, sometimes even more responsible than I am, but you are naive! You think everything can be resolved-”

“OF COURSE IT CAN! Julia, you could’ve made it known at any moment that you are a woman and it wouldn’t matter! We are on the toppermost of the poppermost Jules! You wanted to be there, remember!”, think woman, think!

Julia got angry, but not Julia angry but John angry, which was much scarier.

“We are there because people presume we are all men! And you never know what problems would arise should I do that! What if I put myself in danger? No, you in danger! I still don’t know why we’re on top. I know people dislike some of our music and want to see us fail! Half of the time I think our music is pure shite that won’t last a fucking day after if we hadn’t had such good marketing!”

“You must really hate yourself, Julia, if this trip couldn’t get you out of your mindset.”

“Georgie. Was it ever a secret?”, Jules laughed.

That woman drives me insane. I… This whole trip, the reason John was spaced out was because Julia was monitoring what I do! Lord, John or Jules always kept tabs on me! And I wonder how sometimes I could be lucky that Brian didn’t find out something or that Paul didn’t shout at me. Julia had my back!

“Jules! You should let me fight for myself! Goddamn it! Fuck you! I… Can’t stand you sometimes. I can’t stand that you…”

Push me and want me to write more, sing more, play more? Then as John put me down and snuff out my confidence.

“I cannot let you fuck yourself up because of some unimprotant man and his cult! I can’t let anyone scream at you because of something stupid that happened. George, I do that for Ritch also, though Ritch doesn’t get into sticky situations that much.”

“Stop helping me in the worst possible way. I have to face the consequences! I have to see it for myself.”

“But what if you never figure it out?”, Julia hugged me, “What if you continue believing in your delusion and it costs you everything?”

“JULIA, that is the thing I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU!”, I hugged her.

“What?”

“You have to stop! Paul gave up on you. He married Linda, because he couldn’t marry you! You destroy yourself with drugs. You drift away more often.”

She was speechless.

“You hurt Cynthia, Ritch and I as John because of the stress and misuse of drugs! You are not yourself anymore.”

“You can’t say that you don’t use drugs too…”

“I don’t use them as much as you do. Our mommy’s death broke us. It broke you two the most.”

“Shut up, George.”

And here is John.

“John is becoming his own thing and I don’t think you can even see when you are the one or the-”

“JOHN ISN’T A REAL PERSON!”, he covered his mouth.

“He isn’t a person, he is just a device, an idea!”, he flailed his hands around.

“I can do everything and I don’t need your stupid advice. I came here to tell you and try to get you out of this cult, not to be lectured by some pussy.”

I sighed.

“George, I am going. Enjoy the view. I cannot anymore. I don’t even see properly without me glasses, so what did I even see in this place? Don’t think I didn’t get hopeful when I got here! I did. I was hopeful I would relax. I didn’t. I was scared half of the time someone would fuck up and with any interaction with Paul and other half of the time I was questioning this place. I am restless, and suppose I will be, for the rest of my life.”

“John, I told you what I meant. I am direct. Unlike you, just like Julia. I cannot watch you suffer any longer! I can’t watch people around me suffer! Just think about it! Just think!”

“I feel. I have to feel it’s right.”, John looked at me with teary eyes. Never seen Julia cry as John.

“Alright… I didn’t want to make you cry… Now it looks weird because you are still in that John getup of yours.”

Julia laughed.

“Getup, haha! Geo, you are getting more creative by the day.”

Julia lit up.

“Okay, if you want me to relax so much, I have an idea, juuuust look away for a… Couple of minutes.”

“Oh no, I have encouraged Julia Victoria Lennon to do something.”

She smiled and I turned away. I heard the sound of clothes moving around. Then bandages being taken down. Maybe even a hair tie being let down.

“Turn around!”

Oh, now it’s just Julia.

“Ta-da! Now I can relax.”, she spread herself on the sand.

“Wait- Don’t relax too much! I want to tell you about my songs!”

“Alright, Geo, what do you have in mind?”

I told her every minute detail about the songs I wrote. She listened to me! Yay! And she even approved some! And gave me some tips and tricks to work on my songs. It was really such a nice session of writing. I missed when she would give me some song attention instead of treating me like a little kid who can barely write and play.

“That’s great, I’m so proud of you!”, Julia scratched my head, “Baby George!”

“Augh, I thought you said you’ll stop calling me that!”

“Well, John said that, I didn’t.”

“You can��t get away with this!”

She calmed down.

“But seriously, continue working on this, it will sound better and better. Maybe I could get Paul to approve it-”

“No, I’ll show it to him just like I’ve shown you! Don’t do anything Lennon, I beg of ya!”

“I won’t then.”, she wistfully smiled.

You could sense the feeling of satisfaction coming from her.

“Maybe you aren’t so fragile and small like you were Georgie. But enough about that, I’m going for a swim!”

“Not without me!”

We jumped into the ocean and played around. Julia loved to swim, she was fast on foot, and she was a fast swimmer. She swam almost half a kilometer away in just 12 minutes. How does she do that with our clunky clothes? I followed her but I didn't like the chance of getting an ache and I went back to the shore. I was happy for her. This is the first time she looked naturally relaxed during this entire trip! She swam back after 20 minutes.

“I wonder how you can swim so far and not get scared? Or any aches?”

“I got aches. I just ignore them and paddle my way back, simple as that!”

“You are so weird sometimes!”, I chuckled, “And capable!”

“Um, that’s my job as your leader, dummy!”, she knocked my head.

I laughed.

“I wish I could relax like this everyday!”

“Well, that isn’t happening. But, I have a mystery to debunk, and that is Maharishi’s history. I’ll have fun.”

“You are still on about what Paul said? How about you stop thinking about him and just think about hm…”

“No, I’m doing more as a fuck you to cultists then because of Paul. I’m angry at Paul. I’m miserable because of him.”

“Glad you understand basic human emotions.”

She giggled.

“Okay, Harrison. Tell ya if I find more evidence, but knowing these kinds of trickster buggers, you won't be waiting much!”

The sun was setting and we were gazing at the view. Until I heard some movement in the trees.

“Where did we end up? Are you sure both of them are here! Oh, look, there is George!”, Pattie! Darling!

“Come here! Missed you so much!”, I hugged her.

“Where’s John?”, Cynthia wondered.

Oh my Lord, where is Julia?

“Um, I dunno, he was just here with me.”

I searched with my eyes and found Julia hiding behind a rock all panic ridden.

“Why are there bandages on the floor?”, Pattie asked.

Cynthia realized what had happened.

“Just some trash we encountered, how awfully dirty the tourists here must be!”

“I’ll then find a rubbish bin suitable for them.”, Cynthia, thank you for taking care of John. I’m glad Julia chose to be with you and pretend than anyone else.

Julia looked at me. Her look was basically telling me: “What do we do? Should I go out or not? No, tell them to leave! Give Cynthia a sign to make them leave. I don’t want anyone else finding out.”

I scoffed.

“Where did you scoff at.”, Pattie said, “At that rock!”

Julia came out with her hands crossed.

Cyn was shocked but relieved to see her. She was waiting for what Julia would do.

“OH, it’s John, see Cyn we found him! Though I must say you look more frail than usual.”

“What can I say? This sun eats ya!”

We chuckled.

“And I had to see what Cyn’s relief looked like. Never expected such a big reaction from ya.”

“How can I not react that way when I love you so much!”, she ran towards Julia and hugged her as hard as possible, “I was already thinking I had to call the search party to search all over!”

“Don’t worry Cyn, I can handle a little labyrinth!”

“I don’t think so!”

“Alriiight.”, Julia sighed, smiling.

“Glad we are all here then! Let’s all go back together to our houses!”, Pattie was happy.

“Nah, I’d like to stay here a bit longer with Cyn.”, Julia disappointed me yet again.

“Oh- Oh, well have fun!”, Pattie waved them goodbye and I took her hand.

I sent another look to Julia. It meant “When are you going to stop lying!”

I figured Cyn helped Julia get bandaged up, because it was going to be dinner time soon. The rest of the day went normally. And the rest of the vacation was great, though it was cut short because of John’s investigation! He found out that Maharishi is a fraud, and really a fraud! So I dug deeper, and found the same, with more evidence! We united the evidence and presented it to the man, who said we were exaggerating and not understanding what it said!

“Look, you can’t deny your eyes and there are two of us claiming this against you! You lied to me!”, I began, “You lied to me that money wasn’t that important!”

“Well, I didn’t say that it was not necessary, you got to make a living!”

“By scamming others, not such a little good guru afterall! With this kind of behavior, I would’ve thought you would also pay flying carpet lessons!”

Maharishi chuckled.

“You know, this proves you’ll be absolutely the same as before if you leave. You, Lennon, have something to hide. Always look like that. You think you are clever, but you are not. You are empty, surrounded by enlightening remarks. But what is their purpose, you don’t know. For you, George Harrison, you will still be that insecure and childish egoist I met. Direct and naive; curious too. No wonder you dragged the whole group of you to-”

John was angry.

“You are not going to talk that way about us UNLESS I say what I think about you first! You are a snide, privacy breaking, yellow bellied, ass licking, greedy son of a bitch who likes to think he is so high and mighty! So it is just right to take away people’s hard earned cash like that!”

“The Beatles are basically the same thing!”

“We make good music.”, John replied.

“And we make good points? Explain the difference, Lennon, explain it! Oh, and haven’t seen this much emotion from you during your whole stay, I’m glad-”

“Because I didn’t get mad!”

“I’ll answer instead. We follow the regulations. We are not some other outside organization. We aren’t money grubbing. Maybe our producers are. And I know we will fix that when we find some inconsistencies.”, I jumped in to help.

“Maybe we are materialistic, but we aren’t putting other people in DEBT you whore! I checked multiple times.”, John continued.

“To check isn’t in character for John Lennon.”, Maharishi chuckled.

“It is if I think so. I don’t con people.”, John answered feeling confused on why Maharishi would say that. Then the guru scammer smiled.

“I’ll figure you out, Lennon. You have something to hide.”

John chuckled, “To hide is to survive? Isn’t that the principle of not getting caught in your scam?”

Maharishi got serious.

“You are feeling guilty of your scamming and blaming others, meanwhile I don’t have anything to declare.”, John stated with confidence.

“I know a deviant when I see them.”

“Oh, and now it’s John’s fault I have turned against you, isn’t it!”, I figured it out, “Trying to blame him for my complaint!”

Maharishi looked at me with some kind of disgust.

“Of course. Of course, we are leaving now. This instant.”, I got mad.

“Don’t go mad Georgie, this mister right here can use it against ya. You have to be relaxed and fulfilled, like he said. That’s how you get happiness, right?”, John joked.

I chuckled and calmed down.

“Yer right.”

“Well, mister, we loved the island and all, but you're a fraud and we have to go!”, John waved him goodbye and I followed. Maharishi pulled me back.

“Mr. Harrison, don’t listen to him!”, he told me, “He is a deviant, a snake, presenting himself as he isn’t!”

“And why would I not? He is one the lads! And you are the snake here.”

“No, no, that’s not a “lad” as you say, not a traditional lad, that’s a hijra.”

“A what now?”

“A… neither male nor female.”

I looked at him blankly. So he figured out the twin tale?

“You cannot trust someone who doesn’t know what they are. And this person, this “John Lennon” as they call itself, is absolutely not trustworthy. Always joking around, always monitoring you, always making inappropriate and underhanded comments. You want freedom and expression right?”

Lord, this slimy motherfucker.

“John is still one of my best friends and pals. You can’t make me stay here any longer. You just made me more angry and volatile. And you accuse John of such heinous acts with no evidence to support it.”

I began walking away towards John, who was packing with Cynthia and Pattie.

“Oh, I understand now. You know of Lennon’s decadency even before I even tell you! Both of you are flawed, go then! I don’t need a place for rude and deviant people like you!”

“Oh, where’s the “we welcome everyone to our family!” or “we are happy to accept any LOST soul”.”, John argued.

Maharishi smiled and walked up to John. He said something to him that made him shiver. Still John behaved cocky and said,

“Oh, I promise I’ll do that. For the chance to piss you off, I’ll continue doing that for as long as I want to!”

We boarded the boat. I looked at John perplexed.

“What happened for us to go earlier?”, Pattie wondered.

“John, what did you do?”, Cyn asked.

“Absolutely nothing that deserved that kind of send off! Accusing me of deviancy just because George and I handed in some damning evidence that Maharishi scams people!”

“That’s… Fun.”, Cynthia sighed, “Well, at least we’re in one piece and haven’t been held up by that con artist in any other way.”

“You are so smart, Cyn.”, John chuckled, “Yer right as ever.”

John proceeded to kiss her. Before that he gave her a small, not really noticeable sign. He always warned Cyn before kissing her. But I never really noticed Cyn tensing up before the act.

I kissed Pattie as well and whispered in her ear:

“I’m glad this hellish discussion is over and you have absolutely nothing to do with it!”

“I’m glad you’re okay, George.”

Pattie looked at Cynthia and John, “Let’s go inside, it’s getting a bit chilly in here.”

“Wait for us two inside then, I have to talk to John about this shit in private.”

The wives giggled.

“Alright then, George, we’ll be inside. If you need any advice or a shoulder to cry on, you know where to find us!”

“Pattie, sometimes you could be so funny!”, my sweet Pattie.

“And not always? The insolence of this young man! We are going inside, pronto!”, Cynthia pulled Pattie with her.

John rolled his eyes while chuckling.

“No wonder Cyn is my best female friend.”

“Well, a wife is a best friend too.”, I joked.

There was a small pause. We looked at the ocean and the waves splashing in the sun.

“John, what did that son of a bitch tell you?”

“There is something called a hijra in Indian or Southeastern culture. It is a person in drag, a person who identifies as the opposite gender… He told me that he figured out I was in drag. He told me I can’t keep it together and remain normal if I ever was. He told me I corrupted you… He told me I will drag the entire band into ruin. And even if I told everyone the truth that I would make everything the Beatles did worthless and meaningless.”

“What a freak!”, I couldn’t believe it. Maharishi was today very awful towards us, especially towards John. Was he always a bit more awful to women? Now that I think about it, he didn’t talk that much with our wives. He focused on us four. What a scammer.

“I know that, but it does send shivers down my spine, y’know.”

“I’m just happy we had fun and we’re going home, Jules.”, ahh, fuck this man.

“Yeah, I’m happy too. Let’s go inside, Geo.”

“Yeah. Thanks for looking out for me… But please don’t do it as much anymore, Julia.”

“I’ll try not to. And… Perhaps, baby George is right about some things.”

I think some things are going to change in the Beatles and I hope for the better. The most important thing is that I have proven that I’m not a child anymore - I’m an adult who speaks his mind and deserves to be listened to. Perhaps, they will put more songs on the next album… Can’t wait to work with Ritch again…

Rest of Sacrifame

#classic rock #john lennon #paul mccartney #the beatles #beatles fanfiction #george harrison #ringo starr #cynthia lennon #maharishi mahesh yogi #hare krishna #sixties #1960s #mclennon #pattie boyd #george and pattie

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dojae-huh · 7 months ago

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I saw it on Reddit that ppl are complaining abt the lack of promotions of this comeback, and I realize SM really has a bad reputation among western audience... honestly I seriously enjoyed this comeback and I do think the promos okay. We got the movement dance my and b side mvs, and tons of Jaedo moments! I guess people are just worried at the "senior" status of 127? reddit.com/r/NCT/s/Gr5IXfIE7F

Link

First of all, thank you for speaking up.

In any type of society or a big group there exist a problem of a small loud minority gaslighting the silent majority. An individual from the silent mass thinks he is alone in his opposing view because he doesn't see his own opinion and thoughts echoed in the discussion in media or in comments on boards. So he keeps silent in fear of being ostracized.

When it comes to fans, writing about what they don't like or find lacking releases steam. Writing something positive? Not as attractive. A content person is a lazy person. There is no motivational "fighting spirit". Even I complain about songs but seldom write about what I like. It is just in human nature - take good things for granted and demand more and more.

Fans do leave positive comments, but usually under YT videos (I saw many an opinion that this comeback is the best there, heh). Either to thank the team behind the content or in hopes idols will read their words of support. Reddit, twitter? - a platform for small talk and offhand comments. Not to forget, other fans happily retwit and spread (and remember) negative twits and seldom retwit and discuss positive ones. People remember bad things much better than the good ones.

"I feel like unless you follow NCT, you wouldn’t even know they were having a comeback." - It goes for every group unless a fan pays close attention to music shows and k-pop music releases. I can't say when EXO had comeback last time. Let alone Cravity or even Seventeen (I know they had a song recently thanks to MokChu and SM fans accusing Hybe of copying aespa teasers only).

127 was promoted on Melon, Spotify, K-pop On, etc - streaming platforms and new k-pop songs playlists. M2, Killpo - choreo channels. Grammy site and other sites releases articles. It's these places that actually inform k-pop fans at large about new songs and comebacks. Fans still can't realise that the ways promotion brings results has changed and clings to some "badges of participation" that a group should collect every time.

Why ifans care about radio-appearences, a dying media, when noone even will translate a radio episode for them, for example? A tiktok with Seventeen will give more exposure than appearence on some YT show with a non k-pop MC.

Killer Voice is a different cause. It would be good if 127 were to go there again. Their first Killer Voice is still makes rounds.

Lastly. The comeback is still ongoing. There can be some programme appearences with a delay, who knows. Jungwoo has a variety show he is on. He can mention about the comeback there.

The OP on reddit wrote about own experiense - I found 127 through a YT programme with Tae and JN. OK. There is a ton of programmes on YT from past comebacks. Noone watches old episodes or what?

But anyway. As I said before, it is time to come to terms that 127 is a senior group by k-pop standarts. At the very beginning promotions are on a big scale because noone knows the freshly-debuted group. Meanwhile nowadays fans of Zerobaseone or Boynextdoor get to know about NCT through their biases fanboying over Doyoung and Jaehyun, or their biases making covers to their songs. The same way we get to know Taeyeon or Kyuhyun. Right now SM has several new groups (Riize and NCT Dream) and will debut new acts soon (SMgg and Naevis).

Riize is the most popular right now in SK. If they promote their seniors, the job is done, heh. Same goes for Stray Kids and Seventeen, who are friends with 127 neos.

#ask me away #NCTWalk #food all around chips all around

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baroquebucky · 5 years ago

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dating timothée headcanons

a/n: here is my first timothée fic !! let me know what you guys think !!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE send in some requests for him !!! hope you guys enjoy :~)

timothée is such a soft boy in a relationship

he loves when you say his full name but also loves the many nicknames you have for him

when you first call him timmy or tim he looks at you with the widest smile, engulfing you in a hug as you squeal

you call him by his first and middle name when you’re upset at him or you need him to be serious

he sends you so many memes all the time or if you’re close to him he’ll call you over to look at his phone sometimes he’ll just call your name and throw it at you

he loves cuddling

he will cuddle you on the couch, in your bed, in a chair, literally anywhere

he loves when you play with his hair !!!!!

you could just be sitting there and you start playing with one curl, then another, and soon enough your whole hand is cascading through his soft hair

he loves kissing you !!!!!! cheek kisses, FOREHEAD KISSES, nose kisses, neck kisses

sometimes he’ll just grab your hand and kiss it and tell you how much he loves you

when he’s home he spends every waking and sleeping hour with you

“I’m gonna go shower” “I’ll join you :-)”

grocery shopping with him is way too much fun

you guys would probably make jokes out of anything you see and get things you most definitely did not need

he takes so many pictures of you :-(

any moment he sees you just breathing “don’t move stay like that” and boom, new lockscreen

he gets all blushy when you compliment him or show him off

one time you learned how to say something in French just to impress him and he damn near cried because you went out of your way for him

one time he catches you using duolingo to practice your French and he had to calm himself down before he burst into tears

you found him teary eyed in the hall and proceeded to comfort him thinking he was sad, you didn’t know whether to laugh or cry with him when you found out why he was about to cry

did i mention he is v v clingy

flowers all the time ,,, out getting a snack ??? he’ll buy you some flowers ,,, sees a bush of roses on his way home ??? he’ll pick one to give to you

he could be thousands of miles away and you hear a knock on your door,, the boy ordered flowers online for you

when he’s away acting you guys FaceTime ALL THE TIME

you both fall asleep on the phone together and you always tease him for sleeping with his mouth slightly open

he always leaves you a bottle of his cologne so you can spray it when you miss him

also he leaves you all of your favorite shirts of his so you can wear them all you want

you guys watch the office together all the time and you get him into your favorite tv shows

sometimes you get insecure because you feel like you aren’t good enough for him or you don’t meet up to standards

and he will shoot you down so fast

he’ll comfort you and say all the right things to make you feel better

sometimes he’ll just hold you close and kiss you all over until your giggling to make him stop

which ends up in him posting you everywhere and showing off his darling

and he shows you just how much he loves every inch of you too

if you ever feel insecure he can immediately tell and he starts to reassure you and do whatever you want to make you feel better

you guys always walk around town and find new places to eat and try food

you found a secret park that no one knew about so you always have picnics when he gets back from filming or when you wanna go on a cute date

anything you mention to him as an offhand comment he’ll buy you

this boy absolutely SPOILS you

one time you mentioned how you wanted a locket and the next week he surprised you with one

another time you saw this ring that was pretty and you immediately took it back because it was much too expensive for you and two weeks later ??? it was sitting on your dresser

you find it endearing but you also get upset because you don’t want him to think you’re using him for money

so of course when you bring the box out he has a giant smile on his face and you look at him, slightly upset and he pulls out the puppy eyes

“Timothée Hal Chalamet how many times have i told you to not waste money on me!” You scolded him and he looked so sad

“any money i spend on you isnt a waste i just wanna see you smile” you can’t help but smile at his comment

“do you not like it?” he would get so nervous and play with his hands and you would go and sit next to him, putting the ring on the table.

“honey i love it i just don’t want you to think I’m using you for money because I’m not” he would kiss you and give you a small smile because god how did he get so lucky with you?

he has so many cute nicknames for you- baby, honey, sweetheart, darling, angel, mon amour, ma cherie and so many other soft little names

the amount of inside jokes is insane

it’s no secret that the boy is an absolute goofball so the two of you are always making jokes

that leads to having way too many nicknames that have such an intricate back story

you try to teach him how to properly do the woah but he refuses to learn because “I’m doing it right, it’s everyone else that’s wrong” he would defend

for Halloween you would do couple costumes 1000%

instead of going out to party he would want to stay in with you and give out candy, he loved seeing you smile at all the kids and fake being scared when they tried to scare you

the two of you would watch scary movies all of October, he would always hold you tight as the two of you slept because sometimes you would get a little freaked out

the first time you meet his family is during thanksgiving and you are NERVOUS

you do your makeup and wear your best jewelry and even do your hair a bit so that it looks nice than usual

when you walk out of the restroom all dressed up timmy is speechless bc of how good you look, he kisses you on the cheek and takes so many pictures of you, setting one as his lockscreen right after he takes it

his mom LOVES YOU she thinks you’re the sweetest person in the world

she asks if you know French and you whip out the little French you had learned, thanking the green owl that was on your phone

timothée is so impressed by how well you can pronounce everything, it doesn’t go unnoticed by his family either, everyone praising you and you can’t stop blushing

they end up threatening timmy because they love you so much

and then he meets your family

they love him so much they never want you guys to break up

your siblings adore him, your mom is absolutely in love w him and your dad thinks he’s so eloquent and carries himself amazingly

he gets along so well with your whole family and has everyone at the table laughing with his stories and comments

when your mom sees the way he helps you with everything or how gentle he is with you she knows he’s gonna be the one you marry

the two of you watch the nightmare before Christmas all the time since you both love it so much

you sing along to every song and laugh as he stands on his tippy toes to try and imitate jack

for Christmas time you guys always try to see who will give the best gift

of course you love to see the lighting of the tree and so many snowball fights all the time

even more cuddling because oh my god it’s so cold all the time

timmy always knows exactly what to get you and he always writes you a letter which makes you cry

you also get him something meaningful and amazing which makes him tackle you with a hug and kiss you until you’re out of breath

the two of you are always so supportive of each other during anything and everything

timothée chalamet would be the worlds greatest boyfriend and you cannot tell me other wise

#timothee chalamet imagine #timothee x reader #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee fluff #timothee chalamet fluff #timothee one shot #timothee chalamet one shot #timothee imagine #timothee blurb #timothee headcanon #timothee chalamet headcanon #soft!timothee #timothee fanfic #timothée chalamet imagine #timothée fanfic #timothée chalamet fluff

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monsterfuneral · 4 years ago

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weightless | the lost boys

Relationship: Poly!Lost boys x Reader

Songs used: Alice In Chains - Rotten Apple / The Cure - Cold / Failure - Another Space Song

Words: 1.4k

Warnings: (None of the songs pertain to the plot/relationship, they’re simply just good songs) Drug use, a little making out :), possibly ooc?? This is my first time writing for them

Author’s Note: This is so self indulgent omfg. I wanted to write a semi vent fic while also something cute that made me feel better.

!!LOST BOY REQUESTS OPEN!! (smut, fluff or angst)

Full request list will be written soon <3

---

Your body felt weightless as you danced along to the song that played on the beloved rockbox. Fingers twisting and arms turning as your hips swayed and your feet carried you along the decrepit fountain in the center of the cave. Your fingers thread through your hair and drifted above your head before extending outwards in front of you, coming back to drag your fingertips across your cheeks, neck, and down to your chest before traveling back upwards. The high you had been riding still clutched you so beautifully, leaving you swimming in your own head as you enjoyed the echoing intro of an Alice In Chains song. The hypnotic vocals and beautiful instrumental made you feel untouchable.

The embarrassment you would have felt many months ago had been rightfully kicked away by the comfort of knowing you were allowed to simply be you in the presence of the boys. It took weeks- if not longer- of encouragement to finally crack you out of your seemingly unbreakable shell of self-preservation. But now here you were, dancing along to one of your favorite songs without a care in the world, knowing you were being watched by your boyfriends. You were swaying in almost perfect sync with the song, eyes closed, a small smile on your face as you sang along.

Hey ah na na Innocence is over Hey ah na na, over Hey ah na na Ignorance is spoken Hey ah na na, spoken Hey ah na na Confidence is broken Hey ah na na broken

This was one of your slower mixtapes that you always liked putting on after passing around a joint with the boys. It was a mixtape that always made you rise from your spot beside Paul and Dwayne, your head bobbing slowly and your hips following along with the music. The first few songs you were usually able to get Marko to join you in your music possessed state, by the time the third song is finished though he takes your old spot on the couch and watches you along with the others.

You’re not always alone after that though, sometimes when Star doesn’t have plans with Michael she joins you too. Her movements didn’t differ much from your own. The initial stiffness worked out by the buzz you both rode off of.

A new song came on after ‘Rotten Apple’ finally came to a close, Cold by The Cure played throughout the cave. You dropped down from the fountain and walked over to Paul slowly, plucking the joint from his fingers making him whine playfully before sitting back and watching you sway your hips as you took a long hit. You passed it back to him and grazed your fingertips over his jaw before straightening your back. You turned to walk back over to the fountain but your wrist was caught by a gloved hand, Marko stared up at you, feigning innocence as he gently pulled you down to straddle his lap.

Your lungs were still full of smoke as he cupped the back of your head and brought you forward, his lips touching your own. You knew exactly what he wanted. With a slow exhale you shared a smokey kiss, his lips were soft and his hands held you softly against his chest. Your own fingers were buried in the curly hair at the nape of his neck, brushing against your knuckles as you silently hoped your rings wouldn’t get caught. You separated and he locked eyes with you, a smirk now playing on his lips as he brushed his thumb over your heated cheek.

Everything as cold as life Can no one save you? Everything as cold as silence And you never say a word

He leaned his head against the back of the couch and exhaled the smoke you had passed. You planted three soft kisses on his neck before slipping from his hold and squeezing yourself between him and Paul. Marko’s hand came down to lay on your thigh as you leaned more into Paul, throwing your legs over the curly haired vampire’s lap letting him play with the fishnets you were wearing underneath your ripped jeans. Paul’s arm slung around your shoulder with his hand resting on your other, his back leaning against the arm of the couch and wedged his right leg between you and the back cushion in order to make your position against him more comfortable.

“You want another hit before I put this out?” He said quietly next to your ear, showing you the now tiny joint that he held with the tips of his fingers. You nodded against his shoulder, he brought it to your lips letting you inhale as much as you could before putting it out in the ashtray on the coffee table. You leaned your head back on his shoulder and blew the smoke out towards the ceiling, much like Marko had done.

Marko’s fingers picked at your fishnets absently as he continued to stare up at the tall ceiling of the cave, watching his pigeons flutter by occasionally. David was smoking a cigarette and watching you all, a small smile curling around the butt. Dwayne taps his fingers gently along with the newest song that played, he was reading one of the new horror novels you had bought him. Paul was humming quietly behind you, fingers tracing shapes in your shoulder while planting featherlight kisses on your neck.

All my missions float away I never trained too hard I'm so caught up in the tree of stars Falling in my backyard She'll always be what I can't find She'll always be where I break down She'll always hide behind a star I'll always dream she can't be far

You couldn’t help but reminisce a bit, remembering how reluctant you had been at first to be fully yourself around them, scared you would be met with the same criticism you were met with at home. When you weren’t, it felt like a weight was being slowly lifted from your shoulders. They all taught you that there was no need in pretending to be someone you weren’t in order to satisfy others. They coaxed the wildside out of you, making you feel the most comfortable you have ever felt in your whole life.

“What are you thinking about over there?” Dwayne asked, no longer reading the book in his lap, he had an almost tranquil looking smile on his face as he looked over at you.

You returned the smile, your eyes lidded and your mind moving in slow motion, “Just thinking about how happy I am.” You gushed, the loving smile not faltering “I love you guys.”

You practically watched Dwayne’s eyes turn to hearts as he stared at you. Marko turned his head, his own eyes soft with a cute smile on his lips. Paul’s fingers twisted through your hair softly, kissing your neck, shoulder and cheek.

“You’re such a softie babe.” He joked, his nose pressing against your cheek softly as he kissed up your jaw.

Letting out a quiet chuckle you reached over and grabbed Marko’s hand, threading your fingers with his. You looked over to David who’s already staring at you from his wheelchair. He has a smirk on his lips as usual, but his eyes have softened too- something you rarely catch- before he winks and takes another inhale of his almost fully smoked cigarette.

“What’s got you all sappy tonight?” Marko teased. His fingers go back to picking carefully at your fishnets, lifting them from your legs and letting go over and over.

You shrug against Paul “I was just thinking about how much you guys have helped me. Being my shoulder to cry on and stuff.” Another chuckle passes through you softly “I just feel like I wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t accidentally run into Dwayne, y’know?”

It was true. Before you met them you felt as if only certain parts of yourself were allowed to be spoken openly about, closing the more sensitive bits away in order to keep those around you comfortable. With the fear of criticism discarded in the presence of your boyfriends, it was like a breath of fresh air. Your body feels weightless around them, a certain type of excitement coming form wholly embracing yourself for who you are and being rewarded for it. Your enthusiasm about things wasn’t met with a strange look or an offhand comment, your anger about certain topics wasn’t met with guilt tripping, not with them. While they weren’t the most mature people you ever met, they at least understood how to make someone feel comfortable and loved.

“Aww you’re so cute.” Marko commented before leaning over you and kissing you on the lips. His hand cupping your cheek gently.

Your happiness was with them...

#the lost boys #the lost boys imagine #the lost boys imagines #tlb imagine #poly tlb #the lost boys x reader #paul imagine #dwayne imagine #david imagine #marko imagine #monster writes

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cloudshapedpatch · 4 years ago

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sing me a lullaby (don’t tell your boss what to do)

a super indulgent, tooth-rotting fluffy Julie and the Phantoms one shot.

julie can’t sleep so she goes to her boys for comfort. no plot. just sugar.

or! read on ao3 here

* * * *

Some nights, Julie could sleep like a rock. The band had found she was a surprisingly heavy sleeper, and could fall into a deep REM cycle within minutes. She was notorious for being able to fall asleep anywhere if she was tired enough.

Tonight was not one of those nights.

After many hours of tossing and turning, 3 relaxing YouTube videos and maybe a few too many melatonin gummies, Julie gave up on sleep.

Her go-to solution to any problem nowadays was to see her boys, so without much thought, she slipped into her favorite funky monster slippers and made her way out the front door.

The cold night air slapped her cheeks with a little alertness, and a little sense. If she went out to the studio, she was sure to stay up all night. Alas, it was still 2 in the morning, and her better judgement had set with the sun. She didn’t have anything really important to do tomorrow, right?

She opened one of the studio doors and squinted against the lights, too bright in contrast to the darkness of the house.

“Jules! What are you doing up?” Reggie was the first to notice her arrival, standing up to guide her to the couch (giving up his own seat and opting to sit on the floor in front of her; she failed to notice in her fatigued state).

“Couldn’t sleep,” Julie mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

“Jeez, you’re shivering,” Luke was always quick to worry about her, “Why didn’t you grab a coat?”

Alex had already taken off his pink sweatshirt and laid it in her lap before she could answer. As she slipped it on, she noted that while it was not warm like a living teen boy’s sweater should be, it was still warmer than she was expecting, and she was glad to have a little bit of extra heat.

After having taken a couple of moments to recover from being outside (she’d admit, it was colder than she was expecting), she went to answer the boys’ questions, but giggled at the sight of them. Alex and Reggie had sat themselves down right at her feet and Luke was seated on the armchair next to her, all looking like curious puppies waiting for a treat.

“Well??” They said at the same time, only filling Julie with more mirth.

“Nothing, I just knew coming in here would make me feel better.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew she should have changed her wording. Luke stood up and was demanding she tell him who hurt her feelings, Reggie had attached himself to her legs, resting his cheek on her bare knees comfortingly, and Alex was halfway out the door, saying he’d figure out how to make a cup of tea.

A fit of giggles later, Julie explained she just couldn’t sleep and was doing fine emotionally. It was only after the boys had sat back down that Julie asked what they had been doing before.

“Just a little bit of lyric writing. Can’t play with the melody until everyone leaves for the day tomorrow, but it works for us.” Luke shrugged, looking toward his abandoned notebook on the piano.

“Ooh, let me help!”

“Uhh…” Reg and Alex said together, in their usual harmonised way, looking anywhere but at her.

“Look, Julie,” Luke started, and she already knew what he was gonna say, “You got school in the morning. You shouldn’t be writing.”

“No no no, it’s fine! Writing will tire my brain out, you know?” They didn’t look convinced, so she continued, “My thoughts are running a mile a minute, let me get ‘em out on paper. Please?”

All three boys looked away from her then, mumbling about how difficult it was to say no when she pouted. Finally they gave in, and they led her to the piano to pore over the notebook.

Of course, they only got a few lines down before Reggie was throwing wads of paper at Alex, and Julie played Never Gonna Give You Up as softly as she could while simultaneously keeping her laughter down (the boys were fascinated that she knew the song since it had come out when they were young, which prompted a short lesson on memes and Rick Rolling. Reggie was especially enthralled by this).

Luke gave up writing and went to the dart board, where Julie had hopped off the piano bench and challenged him. Not being one to back down, he and Julie played while Reg and Alex cheered them on. Alex humored her while Reggie was convinced no one could beat Luke at darts. He was right, but Julie didn’t mind so much, especially after Julie got to over-exaggerate her pity party and receive a nice long hug from her opponent, sharing an amused look with Alex while Luke rocked them back and forth.

“I could go for some nachos right now.”

“You always want nachos, Reg.”

“Again, Reginald?”

It took Julie a moment to think through his statement (hey, it was past 3am, she had brain fog to wade through). Ever since the night they opened at the Orpheum, the boys found they could do other small things besides touch Julie, like eat, and much to Reggie's delight, take showers.

She just giggled and grabbed Reggie by the hand, starting the short trek to the house, knowing the other two would follow. For a moment, she had forgotten what she was wearing, but stepping back into the cold night reminded her. She had walked out of the house wearing her pajama shorts and a short-sleeved crop top, and she was drowning in Alex’s hoodie. Her face heated at the thought of all the boys seeing her in nearly nothing but the large pink sweatshirt, playing off the color in her cheeks as windchill.

But she should have known the boys wouldn't have behaved.

Because while nothing the boys said would be able to be heard by her father or brother, the results of their actions were definitely audible. Alex was trying to heat the queso, but he spent too much effort trying not to drop the jar that he forgot about the spoon, which clattered loudly to the ground. All four froze in terror until Luke burst into laughter because some cheese had splattered into Julie’s hair, and she replied by smudging some cheese onto his nose. And after the ensuing cheese-throwing war, the kitchen was not a pretty sight. The mere thought of her dad coming down to see his daughter covered in cheese, alone, in the middle of the night, in their equally messy kitchen brought shivers. She’d surely be back to seeing Dr. Turner three days a week.

The boys did their best to clean, but mostly entertained Julie while she wiped up the mess and carried the plate of nachos back to the studio (how long does it take a band of three dead teen boys to make a plate of nachos? apparently, 38 minutes) before they flopped on the ground in a big pile. Julie laid with her head on Luke’s chest, who had his head on Alex’s lap. Reggie laid on Julie’s legs and she ran her hands through his surprisingly soft hair as they slowly worked through the plate.

“Hey Julie? Will you sing me a lullaby?”

“Are you serious?” Julie turned her head slightly to see him more clearly. She almost laughed, but then saw the look in his eyes, and couldn’t tell if he was serious or about to tease her. “Luke, you guys don’t even sleep.”

“Aw, c’mon Jules,” Reg begged, “You have such a nice voice.”

“The voice of an angel.” Luke added. Julie pushed all thoughts of the song she never let herself write down, yet constantly played in her dreams, and hoped that they couldn’t see the flush creeping down her neck.

“Fine. But only because I love y’all.”

Alex wiggled excitedly from under her as she cleared her throat and started to sing A Thousand Years (Julie was sort of glad they had died 25 years ago. She would virtually never run out of new material to impress them with, and Christina Perri was a classic). At some point Alex had laid down too, and Reggie had closed his eyes as Julie kept scratching his scalp as she sang. Luke ran his fingers over her shoulder as if he were strumming his guitar. And everything was alright.

A large yawn took over Julie’s voice just as she finished the song.

“Alright, time for bed, little miss.” Alex joked, poking her tongue as her mouth opened in another yawn.

She swatted his hand away yet made no effort to get up, instead choosing to nestle further into Luke’s neck. “Sorry, can’t, Reggie fell asleep on me.”

Reggie cracked one eye open. “Nice try. We don’t sleep, remember?” Reggie climbed off her and grabbed her hands, pulling her to a stand.

The blood rushed from her head down to her toes, causing her vision to turn dark and her balance swayed. Before she could catch herself, Luke had scooped her up into his arms.

“Come on boys. We got a girl to tuck in.”

“Yes sir.”

“At your service.”

Julie played off her wheeze as a snort of amusement, burying her face into her hands. A few moments passed and they didn’t move, so she peeked out from between her fingers, only to see all three boys looking over her like she was exactly what they asked for for their birthday.

She yelped in surprise which only caused the boys to laugh. Julie huffed and crossed her arms, pursing her lips to keep from smiling.

“Oh, lighten up, boss. We’re going now.”

And then he was smiling that smile that he usually reserved for when they were alone or on stage. She snorted (for real this time, but still in an effort to keep her composure) and poked his cheek.

For the fourth time that night, the cold night air whipped at her legs and face as Luke and the boys carried her to her bedroom. Reggie made an offhand comment on how absurd it would look if Ray woke up and saw his daughter floating around the house, and Julie had to slap her hand to her mouth to keep from laughing aloud; the boys all laughing loudly without restraint didn’t help.

And finally, once they were in the safety of her bedroom, they did exactly what they said they would. Alex tucked the pink hood inside the sweater so she could lay on it more comfortably (“You look all cozy, you can sleep in it for tonight.”), Reggie pulled back the covers and fluffed the pillows.

Julie felt like a princess, being pampered by these boys who had crashed into her life and nestled their way into her heart. Luke even laid her down, hand supporting her neck, and all three of them literally tucked her in.

“Hey guys? Will you sing me a lullaby?”

They groaned, mumbling together about karma, payback, and song recommendations. Eventually they settled themselves on her bed and sang her a song she didn’t recognize, one that must have been vaguely popular in the 90’s. It was soothing, and she felt the tugs of sleep start to take her under.

She must have dozed off, because she awoke to some shuffling, opening her eyes to see the boys tip-toeing out of her room.

“Luke,”

She hadn’t meant to say it out loud. She had been thinking of him (and the fuzzy lingerings of a dream lined the edges of her mind, one with Luke and a magical dance and that sweet smile of his). But all three boys stopped, before Alex pushed Reggie through the door with a wink.

“You okay? Need anything?”

Her words failed her, heart full and eyes nearly brimming with tears. She scooted over and pulled back the covers, patting the sheets next to her and avoiding his eyes.

Just like she knew he would, he made no comment but slid into the bed and let Julie resume her earlier position on his chest. With a flick of his wrist, he pulled the covers back over them both and wrapped his arms around her back, keeping her close.

Idly, she noted how much she liked laying on the boys (and especially him) because they were the perfect cuddling temperature. Not too hot, but not cold. Plus, she reasoned with herself, if he was nervous, at least he wouldn’t overheat the bed.

Wait. Nervousness. She was sure Luke could feel her pounding heart, beating like thunder against his too-quiet chest. He didn’t say anything, just rolled her curls between his fingers as they laid in comfortable silence.

Her thoughts began to wander, instead of relishing in the moment like she longed to do, but thoughts of all the boys had done for her, not just tonight, but in all the months she had known them.

And then his thumbs were running over her cheeks, whispering soothing words and lifting her face, locking their eyes. Her cheeks were wet. She must have started crying.

“Happy tears, don’t worry about it.”

He looked back at her quizzically.

“I was just thinking about how grateful I am that you guys are in my life.” She bit back the ‘especially you’ that fought to escape.

“We’ll always be here, Julie. You’re okay. Just go to sleep. I’ll wake you around 6? You’ll need to take a shower.” Luke took his hands out of her hair to show her a bit of cheese he picked out.

Julie covered a laugh again, resting her head back on his chest, relishing in his company and willingness to do whatever she asked. And she fell asleep, for real this time, with his fingers in her hair and soft hums pulling her into the best sleep she’d had in a while.

And never had she felt happier than that morning, Luke softly singing her into consciousness while Reggie brought her a cup of hot coffee and Alex picking her outfit for the day.

Bonus:

Julie came home from school later that day exhausted but overjoyed. Flynn had teased her endlessly, but she was too happy to care.

Like she did every day, she said hello to her family before going into the studio to do her homework.

But her brain short circuited as she opened the door and found all three boys jumping up from their seats to greet her, Luke wearing Alex’s pink hoodie. It was a little small for him around the arms, not leaving much to be imagined. Julie felt her eyes grow wide, her brows climbing higher, but unable to fix her face or look away.

Alex, never one to miss a cue, nodded his chin towards Luke. “He insisted on wearing it today cause it smelled like you.”

Luke sidestepped to him and whacked him with the back of his hand, but the message had been received. She’d think about that later. For now, she had math homework and a cuddle pile with her ghosts to continue.

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bokutos-eyebrows · 5 years ago

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Hi, I love you and your work!! Can I request a satori x reader where y’all go out on a date at night (think like park with fairy lights in the trees, v wholesome romantic date) and like y’all just vibe under a tree or something and like cute make out sessions bc u love each other?? Maybe a little steamy you decide I don’t mind 👉🏻👈🏻 Either thank you I love your work keep it up ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❣️💕💞💓💗💝💘💖❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❣️💕💞💓💗💖💘💝

First off thank you so much!! I really appreciate your feedback <3 you’re so sweet uwu!!! I love this idea so much it reminds me of one of my fave dates I’ve ever been on. Thank you for requesting this! I hope you enjoy!!

Date Night Lights

Tendou Satori x fem! reader

Word Count: 1,114

Warnings: Angst for like 2 seconds, PDA

Tendou always chooses amazing dates, it’s something he prides himself on. He gets a rush when he sees your face light up with happiness from something he planned. Tonight he is beaming at you, as you dance together under glowing fairy lights spread from tree to tree. It’s the night of the monthly farmers market in your city's biggest park, and Tendou knows how much you love to support the community. Local artists are performing original songs, doing covers and taking requests.

“Oh my god! I love this song!” you look up at Tendou gleefully and he swears he can feel his heart skip a beat. He had planned this, requesting your favorite song a few minutes earlier while you were off getting an ice cream.

“Hmmm? It’s your favorite right?” He purrs while twirling you to the beat of the song. He loves the way your hair bounces around and the lively look in your eye as you sing along. I should tell her tonight. He smiles to himself. I will tell her tonight.

The song ends sooner than Tendou hoped, he’d love to dance with you forever. He watches you look toward the food booths across the farmers market. “Want to take a snack break?”

You look at him with a huge grin, “It’s like you can read my mind, Tendou!” His heart swells at your comment. He is naturally observant, and even more so when it comes to you. He constantly worries if you find it creepy that he remembers so many little details about you and predicts what you want to do or say. Tendou loves how you reassure him and make him feel appreciated without even realizing. Maybe you’re a “guess monster” too.

Standing in line to get crepes, Tendou feels you wrap your arms around him and hold him close. No stranger to PDA, he smiles and kisses the top of your head. To his surprise you kiss him, biting his lip quickly before pulling away in time to go up to the cashier and order your crepes. Oh y/n… you know better than to tease me.

Watching you gleefully munch on your treat, Tendou waits for his moment to strike. Tendou sees you pause and he catches your attention. “Y/n...” He grabs your face, pulling you into a kiss. He drags his tongue along your bottom lip and you open your mouth slightly, expecting him to explore. To your dismay he pulls away smirking. “You had some cream on your face...did you think I was doing something lewd??” You pout slightly and start to banter back. Tendou tries to listen but all he can focus on is the slight blush on your cheeks. He finds himself getting lost in your beauty when he hears you utter

“We should split up.”

What? Tendou starts to panic. Was it something I did? Tendou’s hands get sweaty and he anxiously stutters out a meek, “W-What do you mean, y/n?”

“Oh well I saw something I wanted to get for you to surprise you in a booth we passed earlier and I thought we could split up for a few minutes while I go get it?” You smile and squeeze his hand.

Oh thank god. Tendou chastises himself for not paying attention to you earlier. He had felt his whole world crumbling around him when in reality you were just being thoughtful and sweet. He hugs you tightly. “Okay, but let's meet back here in ten minutes yeah?” You nod and run off towards the other side of the market.

Tendou roams the booths as well, looking for something to gift you too. A handmade jewelry booth catches his eye and he comes across the perfect present. There is a cute little ring with your favorite gemstone wire wrapped onto it. Is this too much? He wonders. I know I was going to tell her that today but is a ring too forward? He decides to buy it anyway and goes to meet you.

“Tendou!!” He sees you waving and running towards him. “Let's go somewhere more..intimate.” You suggest. Tendou follows you to a bench at the outskirts of the park, music and buzz of the market crowds fading out as the distance grows.

“Okay,” you said as the two of you sat down, “This might seem weird or a little dumb but I saw they had oragnic, handmade sports tape and I thought that maybe you could use it since you’ve complained about the brand that the school provided.”

Tendou cut you off with a hug. He couldn’t believe you cared enough to remember such a small offhand comment about sports tape. “It’s made out of hemp!” You giggled.

“Thank you, y/n” Tendou beamed at you. “I love it. I love…”

Tendou had a hard time trusting people. It took a lot to get him to open up to someone. He has been bullied and judged so much his entire life. But then he met you. You treated him better than anyone ever had. You listened to him and genuinely took interest in what he had to say. You defended him in front of others and you always made sure he knew you had his back. He was so in love with you it scared him. He had wanted to tell you he loved you from the first day you had started dating but he was so terrified of creeping you out or pushing you away. But it was time.

“I love you so much, y/n!” Tendou nervously pulled out his gift for you, “I don’t want to come off as too forward because I know what rings typically mean. But I want you to know that I am serious about you.”

He watches your face light up as you see the ring. He slips it onto your finger and before he can say another word you’re kissing him. Tendou feels your warmth as you snake your way onto his lap to deepen the kiss. You let out a moan as he slips his tongue into your mouth to taste you. Hands are roaming your body as you fight for dominance. Tendou is the first to break away for air.

“I love you too, Tendou.” You said, looking him in the eyes. “And I’ll keep this ring on until you give me the next one on our wedding day.”

....

Again thank you so much for requesting. I had a lot of fun writing this!

#tendou satori #tendou x reader #tendou satori x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader

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dunk-on-em-ao3 · 4 years ago

Text

By All Rights, Mine

Crowley, although loathe to admit it, did appreciate some aspects of the human world. He appreciated a well-tailored suit and well-fitting trousers. He appreciated elaborate infrastructure, the stuff that was designed to confuse the eye. He adored cars. Best thing humans ever did was invent cars.

And while reading wasn’t necessarily a totally human idea, the idea of sitting down with a book for hours on end seemed just - unnecessary. If he wanted to learn about something he could easily get in the information he wanted elsewhere. And the idea of reading anything fictional was just preposterous. His existence was leagues more interesting than the best fantasy book a human could ever write.

Didn’t stop Aziraphale from trying, however. Decade after decade, the angel would bring a book after book to the restaurant, to the grandstand, to the park. And he would plead with Crowley to please give this one a shot, my dear, or to try just this one, you’ll love it! Eventually, the pleas turned into threats. (I refuse to get into the car Crowley, not until you read this article!) And on one memorable occasion, there was even an accusation of I believe you don’t even know how to read.

And Crowley, as stubborn and bull-headed as he was, would make an offhanded comment about how reading was a waste of time, Angel, and they’d move on.

This particular night, however, was the night after they had officially separated from heaven and hell. They were each back in their respective bodies, in one piece, although shaken up. The ride back to Aziraphale’s bookshop was tense, as if neither were completely sure of their safety. Crowley had ordered food delivered for the angel right around six, and they were sat across from each other on the couch.

Without a word, Aziraphale slid a small book across the table.

“C’mon now Angel, what’s this?”

“Just read it.”

“I don’t read, Angel, I-”

“Just,” Crowley looked up to find Aziraphale’s eyes meeting his own. “Just read it.”

Crowley, more surprised than anything, slid the book into his bag.

“Sure,” he chuckled, trying to ease the tension. “What’s it about?

Aziraphale took a deep breath, and changed the topic of conversation.

____

Hours later, after a dreadfully quiet dinner, Crowley leaned against his countertop in his own apartment, and finally worked up the courage to pull out the book Aziraphale had given him. It was a small book, quite modern. There was a page marked with a ribbon, and Crowley turned to it.

There, in simple text, Crowley read:

You are like me, you will die too, but not today:

you, incommensurate, therefore the hours shine:

if I say to you “To you I say,” you have not been

set to music, or broadcast live on the ghost

radio, may never be an oil painting or

Old Master’s charcoal sketch

Crowley smiled, knowing full well that Aziraphale was a subject of quite a few charcoal sketches. Nevertheless, he read on.

you are

a concordance of person, number, voice,

and place, strawberries spread through your name

as if it were budding shrubs, how you remind me

of some spring, the waters as cool and clear

(late rain clings to your leaves, shaken by light wind),

which is where you occur in grassy moonlight:

Crowley’s hands were beginning to tremble, and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why.

and you are a lily, an aster, white trillium

or viburnum, by all rights mine, white star

in the meadow sky,

you are my right,

have come to be my night (your body takes on

the dimensions of sleep, the shape of sleep

becomes you): and you fall from the sky

with several flowers, words spill from your mouth

in waves, your lips taste like the sea, salt-sweet (trees

and seas have flown away,

I call it

loving you)

The last two lines were underlined in Aziraphale’s own hand, and Crowley could have sworn that the floor was falling out around him.

home is nowhere, therefore you,

a kind of dwell and welcome, song after all,

and free of any eden we can name

With a shaking hand, Crowley put the book on the counter. He opened and closed his mouth quite a few times. Then he grabbed his keys, and raced out the door to get into his car. He would need to see the angel tonight.

The book was left on the counter, and Aziraphale never seemed to ask for it back.

(A/N - The poem referred to is "You, Therefore" by Reginald Shepherd. I have removed a few lines, but you can find the entirety here. I claim no ownership of it.)

#good omens #good omens fanfiction #good omens fanfic #aziraphale/crowley

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ziracona · 4 years ago

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Dwight/Jake wedding headcanons maybe? They deserve it.

For sure!

It’s a couple years down the road. They’ve been living in the Indiana house with Adam, while the others orbit in and out from Springwood and Lockport and Haddonfield and Indianapolis and Bloomington and New Jersey and Missouri and New York and such every few days. It’s peaceful and fun there for them. Woods, big house, familiar smells and people and memorobelia and Ron’s grave and markers added nearby for Vigo and Alex and Lisa and Sujan and the person from the lab with no name and the survivors who came before them and never got to be buried. It’s home. They’re just chilling, Dwight and Jake talking with intent but also very relaxed about something while Adam edits a sequel in his easy chair, deep in edit mode, when Jake calls over, “Hey Adam, do you want to be a best man, or do you want to marry us?”

Which Adam hears the wrong homophone for for a second and almost takes him out before he realizes they meant the other version of ‘marry’ and remembers how to breathe again.

He stutters out a, “Well, I, uh—I mean, I can do whichever you’d prefer, but I’m not ordained. In. Anything. I know I did Min and Nea’s, but—”

“—Yeah, we know, but we just need it to be legal,” Jake shrugs, “and we don’t want a stranger at the wedding period, so someone’s getting ordained.”

“I think you can get ordained online in like an hour,” adds Dwight helpfully, “and we’re not religious either, but—and now that I’m saying this it was Meg so that means I should make sure becuase sometimes her memory for numbers is uhhh bad, but she told me like a week ago you only need ten people to officially get your new religion recognized. And we could be ‘the survivors’ or something. I don’t know I believe in much, but I believe in that.”

Jake nods. “Whatever is true, this group of people can rip a hole in the fabric of the universe for each other. I’d ascribe to that.”

“I kind of like that,” says Adam, “I would too. But if we have a spiritual ‘leader’, wouldn’t Ace be a better choice than me? Or Jane?”

This is considered a good point and they debate between Adam, Jeff, Tapp, Jane, and Ace for a bit, [Philip is also briefly considered, but they realize just as fast he’d be overwhelmed and stressed by having to do it & mercifully swap him to another role], then decide on Ace, who’s always been the kind of...not exactly dad, not exactly uncle, but not not those things, and certainly some kind of an early spiritual or morale core for them, parentish figure, and a comfort and hope leader for them all. Also, they know he’ll get a fkn kick out of being ordained for this.

Dwight takes Quentin as his Best Man, Claudette his Maid of Honor, and Jake takes Nea as Matron of Honor, Andrew as Best Man, and Meg as Maid of Honor. They decide fuck it, and it’s kinda Parks & Rec (an argument used by and against Jake many times the next few weeks) anyway, and also both take Adam and Philip as Best Men because fuck it, it’s too hard and also wedding rules are arbitrary and made to be broken, and so then Jake adds Kate as a bridesmaid, Dwight adds Laurie, they realize the number of survivors is dwindling dangerously and decide fuck it, our wedding is for us might as well be fkn weird and cool, and add David, Min, Tapp, Jane, Jeff, and Laurie as groomsmen and bridesmaids too. This still leaves Michael, Anna, Sally, Benedict, Susie, Jeff’s three Legion kids, and everyone’s families which is like fkn a lot of people, to be audience party (sans Nancy, who is pleaded with to be wedding party and run the music pre-reception because the number of people that they want involved /and/ who won’t give in to or be tricked by Meg into some kind of terrible flash mob stunt is very small, and in fact, basically is just Nancy. She is happy to do it and thinks their desperate reasoning is hilarious).

They break the news to Meg and Claudette and Ace first (after Adam), ask Ace to marry them, and tell Meg she can run post-weddding/reception music however she wants, except the songs for a couples dance & parent dances. She is /thrilled/. Claudette is very happy and cries. They call up Quentin & Nea to add to the conversation and Jake says Nea and Meg and Susie are in charge of setting up the wedding because he knows they’re gonna fight him for the role anyway, but they have to throw whatever they can together with only the stuff they own already and $50, they want only family & the other survivors/their families at the wedding, the service short and sweet, and to have it at the cabin, by the river. Meg loses her mind with indignance and joy together, and goes buckwild. They hit thrift shops for fairy lights and streamers and more.

Everyone is thrilled to be asked, Jane says “about time,” and Philip can’t think of anything to say and gets overwhelmed emotionally and taken off guard to be asked to be a groomsman. It’s sweet. Everyone with fashion sense takes everyone else shopping or through their wardrobes for fun wedding clothes and to at least have accent pieces that match a color theme. (Complimentary blues, yellow/gold, and pinks to the grooms’. More on that). It’s super fun & they make a fashion show of it. There’s no matching in form, just color, which is just the best version anyway there’s really no goddamn reason to spend thousands of bucks on a wedding when you could just have a funky cute good time with the people who love you & no stress.

Jake picks a deep blue hanbok (bc the hottest Jake I’ve ever seen is the one @eggchef did for lunar new year & the note in the tags about an actual hanbok has been banging around in my head ever since), and when they’re going through stuff for Dwight, he comments a pink one is surprisingly nice because it’s not the color he’d expected to think about, and Jake remarks offhand that if they do deep blue and pink they’ll be stealing their girls’ looks, and the second he says that, they both know there’s no other choice now. Dwight gets a light pink suit and a tie that matches Jake’s blue. They’re adorable and both look exceedingly handsome.

The wedding is short and perfect. Ace does a great job, it’s a nice day, and Meg works wonders with her $50 budget and (notably obscenely large) preexisting store of party supplies, + help from her mom who is passing down the legacy of being the best tiny budget party planner on earth. It’s very open, but with near arches and dangling glass and prisims that cast rainbows everywhere, lots of meaningfully chosen for their blessings and symbolism flowers and flower chains from Claudette. It’s a little reminiscent of the birthday decorations Min and Nea did plus the prisims, and that accidentally makes all the survivors super emotional like 1 minute in.

Only the moms get to speak in the wedding (besides Ace and the grooms), and Andrew and Meg and Nea and Quentin and such all gotta save their roasts for the reception. It’s sweet. Ace knows them super well and it shows in the best way. The grooms write their own vows, and both echo their statements in the hatch tunnel without knowing the other was going to do so too. Jake starts with an “I am deeply, unendingly, ridiculously in love with you,” and Dwight brings in a, “I wouldn’t be who I am without you.” They end it with Dwight saying, “Will you still stay with me, now that it’s all over? Through whatever we’re thrown to next?” And Jake replying, “Wherever you go, I’ll always follow.”

I cry.

The reception is a party by the house. It’s just a huge prepared buffet made by the family who can cook, so no one has to sit and wait. Meg starts the music with Cascada’s Evacuate the Dance Floor because she doesn’t “want to see people dragging their feet like a bunch of fuckin weenies, I want asses on that dance floor!” There’s a lot of 90s and early 2000s pop, but also many many classic dance songs. Lots of ABBA. Lots of it. Everyone has great fun. Min, Nea, Susie, and Meg made the playlist, except for a few of the specific dances. Muriel Fairfield’s mother-son dance with Dwight is to Song For Ten by Neil Hannon because he knows she’s a sweet big emotional nerd and it’s the song she wants, and he’s willing to do it, and she sobs and is a mess but also the happiest she’s been since the day she got the call he was alive.

They have literally zero idea where they’re going when they drive off for a honeymoon. They’re like “Uhh so I’ve been looking at our complete and utter lack of wedding structure and planning as a good thing? But we might have overstepped that a little here....”

Dwight drives while Jake searches the web for LGBT safe honeymoon locations because there’s nothing that would ruin a trip more than that not working out, and reads off a list and Dwight is like, “Wait wait holy fuck, I though you meant what US cities or maybe Canada. Switzerland? Do we even have cash for the plane fare somewhere like that?” And Jake just looks at the page silently for a few seconds, shuts the laptop, and without expression says, “...I really hate this, but I’m gonna let myself be a rich boy, just once.”

They take Andrew’s jet to New Zealand (Jake calls him and listens for 2 minutes then just monotone goes “Okay but you owe me for being a dipshit for fifteen years,” and they get the ride). Jake picks a relaxed pace and some scuba diving, some hikes, but no overnight camping. Lots of just seeing the world and holding hands and grinning at how absolutely breathless and shocked Dwight is at every chunk of nature like nothing he’s seen before. They are disgustingly, blissfully happy.

#ask #anonymous #dead by daylight #in living memory (fic)#in living memory #ILM spoilers #long post #parkfield #dwake #Jake park #Dwight Fairfield

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sadclearance · 4 years ago

Text

i don’t miss you at all

pairing: mahiru koizumi x female!reader

summary: mahiru misses y/n. (i don't miss you at all by finneas)

category: past fluff, angst, songfic

warning(s): minor suicidal thought for like a second, no actual suicide, non-graphic accidental death

word count: 1300

key:

italicized - past

bold and italicized - lyrics

i swear i don't

"i love you, mahiru," y/n said, giant grin growing even bigger.

miss you at all

"it's nothing, really," mahiru tried to subtly hide her face from her lover, embarrassed of how red those words made her.

"i'm serious! i'm not letting you act like it's nothing. you're the best girlfriend ever," y/n engulfed her.

and i barely still remember

"if anything, you are for letting me use you as my model," mahiru avoided taking the credit again. "thanks to you, i got recognized by real professional photographers out there. it's more like i'm hanging up my gold medals."

"oh, shut up. you did that by yourself with your talent. i'm glad i could be a part of your recognition," y/n kissed mahiru with a smile. "still can't believe you put up all these pictures of me."

"it's normal for people to hang up beautiful works of art."

who's in the pictures on my wall

'cause no i can't

"you smell like flowers," mahiru commented while being embraced by y/n.

"i'm glad you noticed," y/n smiled as she pulled back. "you said your favorite place that you've ever been to was mexico. did you know that tuberose are native there?"

"no, i didn't know that," mahiru smiled as she watched y/n talk animatedly about her newfound knowledge.

recall your scent

mahiru picks up the bottle of ridiculously overpriced perfume.

y/n had continuously bought it just because of that story mahiru had told her about her favorite travel spot.

mahiru had always found it ridiculous and unnecessary, but she couldn't deny that it made her all warm and fuzzy inside.

mahiru throws it in the trash can, ignoring the loud crashing of the glass.

jasmine, tuberose and lily

"stop doing that," mahiru made a face.

"but you just went to pari'. i must recreate the french girls you must 'ave missed," y/n continued on despite mahiru's protests.

"it's nowhere near close to how french people sound," mahiru smacked y/n's arm lightly. "and the only girl i've ever missed is you."

"okay, okay, i'll stop if you stop being such a cheeseball," y/n made a face of her own with a laugh.

or your silly french accent

all but forgotten

"you know, i read a book the other day."

"you, reading? i don't think so," mahiru joked.

"hey! anyway, it was an american book. the great gatsby."

"yeah, i've heard of that before," mahiru nodded as she continued to mess with the controls of her new camera.

about those eyes

"well, your beautiful green eyes are like the green light to me."

"oh, shut up, you flirt!"

the shade of green that if he'd seen would make f. scott fitzgerald cry

but i won't

the alarm clock on her bedside table flashes "2:00am" in an agitating red. it's been that color since forever, but it bothers mahiru a little more than usual tonight.

she blames that for her not being able to sleep.

she reluctantly grabs her phone from the bedside table and turns her alarm clock away so that it's no longer facing her.

she scrolls through some old photos, but they don't help ease the discomfort in her heart. she sighs exasperatedly at her own mistake and swipes out of the app.

she avoids the green icon with the telephone on it for as long as she can will until she eventually gives in, tapping the latest call.

"the number you have dialed is no longer in use."

break down at two a.m. and call

'cause i don't

mahiru throws her phone across the room, even if she knew that this would happen because she's been doing it every night.

miss you at all

neglecting the phone that she just threw, mahiru turns to her side.

and i'm sleeping fine

she closes her eyes, but her mind won't shut off for a while. she frowns as she gets more melatonin.

i don't mean to boast

mahiru wakes up feeling uneasy, her heart beating rapidly. she knows she must've been tensed up the entire time she was asleep because her shoulders are stiff and her limbs feel strained.

but i only dream about you

it's like it's a part of her routine, and she knows what the results will be, but she takes more melatonin anyway. she supposes that restless sleep is better than none.

once or twice a night at most

mahiru sits down at teruteru's restaurant on a saturday night--a tradition that she's been neglecting for a few months.

and it feels so good

"haven't seen you for a while, mahiru," teruteru forgoes the usual perverted comment.

"yeah," mahiru nods. "been busy."

"well, what can i get for you?"

eating alone

"why don't we share?" y/n asked with a cheeky grin.

"you just want to try everything, don't you?" mahiru shook her head but couldn't help the amused smile.

"you want to make me happy, don't you?"

"only because your smile's my favorite thing to capture on camera."

i don't get distracted by your smile

"drive safe," teruteru waves when she starts to leave. "wait, i didn't mean--"

she ignores him and continues to walk to her car.

she gets going as fast as she can because even though she knows teruteru's comment was just a thoughtless goodbye, it bothers her, and she wants to get away.

there's a red light, and mahiru can't do anything but stop.

she takes the time to look at the passenger seat. she sighs at her own mistake as she finds herself unable to rip her eyes away. there's a nostalgic reminiscent feeling inside, but it's chased by something cold and hopeless.

her hand goes to touch the seat when the person behind her honks.

and miss the green lights driving home

no sign of stopping

she had been there so often, she always sort of went on autopilot when driving around these familiar parts.

by the time she's conscious of her surroundings, she's sure she's just a turn or so from her home.

the house isn't far

a song that isn't necessarily to mahiru's taste comes on the radio that she had turned on to serve as a distraction from her thoughts, and the hands on the wheel turn white with how hard she's gripping it.

but i think our song is coming on

she's never liked it, but she's always let it play because y/n liked it, and mahiru had loved the way y/n sang it so passionately, putting her soul into it. she remembers making some offhand comment about how loud and rude it could be considered, but she hadn't really meant it.

looking back on it, mahiru regrets saying that.

thinking of all of the things she regrets saying and not saying, she considers the power she holds, with her foot strong on the gas pedal.

and now i wanna crash the car

she frowns and lessens the pressure on the pedal, her car slowing down as she continues on the road.

but i won't

"y/n!" mahiru screamed in horror as an unconscious y/n was put on a gurney. she was held back by the nurse who was treating the minor injuries and scratches she had received from the crash.

make that mistake again and fall

"oh, y/n," mahiru cries loudly, as if she was reliving that painful day.

so i say i don't

she lets her head fall onto her steering wheel when she's parked, accidentally causing a loud honk that had no doubt irritated her neighbors at this late hour.

miss you at all

"why?" mahiru sobs. "why did you have to... why did i have to..."

and someday i won't

she cries harder, and she feels like she'll be stuck with this feeling for the rest of her days.

miss you at all

❥๑━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━๑❥

a/n;

5:33am - 6am i usually take like seven years to come up with an idea then actually finish writing it woah

i guess coming up with the idea thing is...

i wrote a songfic with this song almost a year ago for another fandom that i was only really in because i can't sit through and watch something longer than like a minute for--which gives you a hint on what it was--

and i liked the plot for it actually and wanted to reuse <3

and immediately mahiru came to mind because green eyes

most of the characters i choose for the oneshots are like on a whim or small reasons like that lol

#danganronpa mahiru #mahiru koizumi #koizumi mahiru #mahiru koizumi x female reader #koizumi mahiro x female reader #danganronpa #super danganronpa 2 #danganronpa x female reader #x female reader #female reader #wlw #female reader insert

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ohblackdiamond · 4 years ago

Text

liner notes/unused joke summaries for kiss fics (part iv)

Despite what my general dislike of the shift key and my tendency to mock all that I love might imply, I actually overthink everything I write to a great extent. I make no claims to these explanations being in any way enjoyable, but if you wanted to know what I was thinking while writing KISS fic… now you do. Part one can be found here. Part two is here. Part three is here.

little t&a --If Paul had boobs, they would be big and Gene would want to grab them.

>>Title from a Rolling Stones song of the same name; most of the chapter titles are from another Stones song, “The Spider and the Fly.” I started it during quarantine as a means to occupy myself and destress, and didn’t initially plan on posting it at all. Once I’d written five chapters without having posted it or mentioned it to anyone, I figured, well, I guess this might as well go somewhere, so I put it up. I had the hope that it’d give me something to strive for during the stress of lockdown, and I’d assumed that I wouldn’t ever have that much time to devote to a story again.

There were a couple of things that really inspired me. I’ve always enjoyed sexswaps as a bit of a guilty pleasure, but wanted to do a different take on them-- there’s this tendency for sexswaps to either be wacky hijinks or an excuse to write particularly brutal noncon. There’s also a tendency for the sexswapped character to almost automatically start adopting stereotypically feminine traits he didn’t have prior, with no real reason for it. I wanted to try and avoid all that as much as possible.

... There’s also another tendency for the sexswapped character never getting back to normal, and I wanted to avoid that, too. I mean, c’mon, KISS is supposed to start the Love Gun tour a month after the fic. Paul can’t exactly pull the trigger of a love taco. (Maybe gently brush it a bit...)

I had Paul already cursed for five days at the start of the fic because I thought it would make things easier and allow the plot to advance more quickly. I also felt like it would give him more autonomy-- prior to Gene showing up, he has tried (albeit in small ways) to get a handle on what’s happened to him, and while he’s hermited it up, he hasn’t given up. Autonomy in general was pretty important for me re: Paul. (Incidentally, probably one of my favorite things about this fic is that Paul’s made that poor twelve-year-old kid on his bike buy him sanitary napkins.)

I wanted to explore a couple of other things, too, mostly rock and roll’s (and KISS’ in particular) pretty heinous treatment of women. Gene and Paul argue in the eighties that groupies know the score from the beginning, and even postulates that those relationships are more “honest” than just taking a girl out to dinner. They’re not alone in this (and, of course, as married men, these days they try not to discuss those times at all); almost every band/artist from around that time period will give you the same answer. “The girls know what they’re doing.” I think many of them did know. I also think many of them came into those hotel rooms expecting a lot more than they ever received, and I think plenty of girls ended up at the very least disappointed by their encounters, if not humiliated or worse.

I don’t know if this was successful, but I also wanted to at least try to poke a few holes in celebrity/idol worship as well. Carol’s scathing comments to Paul-- “they [fans] think there’s something you’ve got that they can get at, but there’s not” pretty heavily exemplify behavior I’ve seen at conventions, fan meet-ups, etc. At the end of the day, well, there’s no point in putting them on much of a pedestal. I dunno. I’ve seen some weird crap in the name of fan worship, in and outside of RPS. Keith Richards talks about it in his book-- girls urinating on themselves out of sheer nerves/excitement just at seeing the band, etc., which, while disturbing, had to have given them a sense of being something beyond ordinary (and act accordingly, of course).

I don’t know. I like them a lot, but I can’t hero-worship these guys; they don’t live in the real world. They’re not, ultimately, relatable or accessible despite the billions of photos, the twitter posts, the meet and greets-- any more than they were 40-odd years ago. I think there can be a real danger in thinking they are. I wanted to show that, too, but again, I don’t know if it came across properly.

One of the aspects I really struggled with was getting a good handle on Paul’s innately slippery sense of identity without it overtaking the story entirely. Gene’s very stable identity was a good foil, and it helped that most of “t&a” is from his point of view, rather than Paul’s.

Another place I faltered with was Paul’s outing alone at CBGB. The first draft had the guy in the club slip quaaludes into his drink, but I really didn’t like that at all and felt it took too much control away from Paul/punished him for going out on his own. I thought it’d be more interesting if Paul deliberately took what he knew was a dangerous combination (alcohol + quaaludes) in the hopes that would make him feel better about sleeping with someone he didn’t care about.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, having him do that (and the way the scene with the guy at the club ends) also meant that I couldn’t have him hop right into bed with Gene that night, either, so that accounts for some of the delaying. I was also really wanting to make sure in general that when Gene and Paul finally did go all the way, there wasn’t any feeling of being coerced or pressured. Not that Gene would do either of those things, but I didn’t want him or Paul to be doing it out of any feeling of obligation or hurry; I wanted it to be as natural as possible, under the circumstances. And I wanted, again, Paul’s dubious sense of self and Gene’s ambiguous feelings about Paul(’s boobs) to come into play-- yes, Paul, now you, too, can take Gene on the amazing technicolor dreamdate you’ve been fantasizing about for the last seven years! Or, you know, not. Overall, there are some pacing issues and the story slows down considerably after Gene takes Paul home from CBGB, but I like to hope that most of the scenes add something.

There were a couple of secondary plotlines that got scrapped because I couldn’t get them to fit well enough with the narrative. One of them was Paul’s very troubled relationship with his sister, Julia. There’s a fair amount of references to her scattered throughout, and Paul brings her up on several occasions, generally without much provocation, and generally at mildly odd moments (at Central Park and immediately after getting drawn by Gene being the standouts). There was an initial draft of the chapter in which Ace calls Paul, where Julia’s the one calling Paul instead (after having gotten his number from their parents). I wanted to at least get the start of a reconciliation going between them. Ultimately I scrapped it because I couldn’t get it to flow with the main plot and never felt like I’d ever explored it thoroughly enough for it to be worth a detour.

The comparison between Paul and Carol is pretty blatantly obvious, even in the narrative. Paul and Gene both recognize it (Gene, initially, when he notes that Carol doesn’t seem to belong at 54 any more than Paul does), and it makes them highly uncomfortable. (Mary-Anne, Carol’s friend, also notices it-- “she [Paul] reminds me of Carol. Just pitiful.”) They’re both very shy, insecure people that have thrust themselves into a world they’re not naturally suited for (show business) in order to achieve their own ends. They’ve both put great stock in a single person who helped them (inadvertently or not) during a dark time, and are driven by those feelings, despite knowing that person is out of reach.

Physically, they’re intentionally mostly opposite (Carol’s short, with a slight build, lighter hair, blue eyes, vs. Paul being, well, Paul-- tall, fuller build, black hair, brown eyes). But narratively speaking, neither of them are described as beautiful; “cute” and “kind of pretty,” sure, but nothing past that (except when Gene says it towards the end). That was important, too, for a couple of reasons. One, I wanted to further the comparison between them; two, I wanted to at least try and dispel the idea that all groupies were glamorous; many of them were rather ordinary-looking.

Paul not being “playboy material as a girl” was very deliberate. I feel like a lot of sexswaps tend to make the guy in question end up a ridiculously hot babe, which didn’t quite jive with what I was going for (not that I wanted Paul to end up awful-looking, but...). ... He’s probably hotter than he thinks he is though; at least, Gene didn’t mind at all, and Pete thought he was pretty. I wanted him to be recognizable if one knew where to look (face, body language). I didn’t want him to end up a tiny, frail-looking waif-- given what he looks like as a dude, that didn’t make sense to me. So this meant the less perfect attributes had to stay and carry over to a female body. He ended up with big boobs because... well, honestly because if he wasn’t going to end up with a great figure overall, he might as well have great boobs. And I mean, really, his chest’s already pretty all right as-is.

I didn’t want there to be a love triangle, but I did want it obvious, at least in an offhand way, that Peter and Paul had had sex (Ace mentions it in the car with Peter, with his “how long did it take you”). I wanted to incorporate Ace and Peter to as great an extent as possible in general.

Marbas is an actual demon from The Lesser Key of Solomon, although other than the few sentences Paul reads off from that grimoire, there’s not much more information on him to be found.

#kiss fanfiction #liner notes #gene simmons x paul stanley

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ofwolvesandbutterflies · 5 years ago

Text

notch | i

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: angst

Tags: unrequited!AU, college!AU, f2f!AU

Warnings: language, mentions of mature content

A/N: i’m back i’m stressed i like writing. i wrote this a while ago, will probably turn it into a series if i ever get around to finishing it.

01 | 02 | 03

Synopsis: early morning calls. picking him up from some stranger’s house after a few bad decisions. the torment of loving someone who was incapable of loving you back. those two small words create such a large chasm between the two of you. but hey, what were best friends for?

I got the text early in the morning. Early like 03:27 in the morning. Rolling over in bed, I glared angrily at the unwelcome brightness of my phone screen. A scoff left my lips when I read the text; of course the morning before school started would be another one of those mornings with Jungkook.

“That dumb fuck…” I grumbled while rubbing the remaining sleep out of my eyes and rolled out of bed. I groaned, stretching my hands high over my head to stretch out the tired, stiff joints that inhabited my body. Sighing, I stumbled into a pair of pajama shorts and clumsily pulled one of Jungkook’s oversized crewnecks over my head.

There were worse things that could happen, I mused unhappily to myself. He could be driving home intoxicated. He could have gotten in a car crash. He could be beaten up by the side of a road, half dead and bleeding out. However, the sour, disappointed lull between heartbeats reminded me that no, nothing was worse than being stuck in the friendzone, picking him up in the early morning after each of his overnight rendezvous with an assortment of the worst girls.

Slinging my hair up into a ponytail, I slid my feet into my favorite pair of old vans, grabbed my keys and slipped back into the quite literal cold, harsh reality. I plugged the location Jungkook sent me into my phone and twisted the key in the ignition. The steady vibration of the car’s engine brought me back to the present and further permeated the bitter irritation coursing through my body. Humming along with the sad love songs stuck in my head, I studied the glaring facade of the lonely stoplights surrounding me. The deep indigo of the clouds floating above me only darkened my mood.

Love was quite the burden, I thought to myself. There was just something so… vexatious when loving someone that had no capacity of loving you back. But what was I to do when in reality, I had no control over my best friend’s romantic - or lack thereof - life.

A familiar dialing tone broke through my reverie and drew my attention back to my cellular device. Loved dearly and something of a sepia-d memory, Jungkook’s caller ID popped onto my dimly lit screen. Withholding the sigh waiting to pass my lips, I watched at the phone ring a couple more times before pressing ‘accept’.

"Jungkook," I mumbled through the phone. "Which apartment are you coming out of? I'm stopped outside of the complex."

“I’ve never heard a sweeter sound,” he chuckled lowly ignoring my actual question. The shuffle of clothing through the speaker only encouraged the bile building in the back of my throat and I was again reminded of why I was here in the first place.

The frown etched itself deeper into my face as I responded. “The hum of my loud 2009 Chevy Aveo engine and the sleep deprived, deeply irritated voice of your best friend here to pick you up at 3 in the morning after your 3rd one night stand in the past two weeks? I find that hard to believe, dumbass. Especially after what apparently just happened in there.” Irritation oozed from my words and I made no move to shield it.

“Aww come on, Y/N,” Jungkook hummed, relief flooding me when the sound of a door opening and closing played through the phone. “It’s not like I was planning on this happening again…”

All that left my lips was a disbelieving scoff. Glancing up at the apartment complex, I spotted a familiar figure descending the stairs on the third floor.

“Y/N,” Jungkook spoke, louder this time so to combat the whisper of the autumn wind. “I’m hanging up now, I see your car.”

With that the call ended and I watched as my best friend’s figure neared the car. A simple black zip - up hoodie zipped up halfway hung loosely about his frame left a sliver of his toned torso out for admiration and the disheveled hair peeking out from under the hood softened my frown slightly. White washed denim joggers sat low on his hips and hugged his body in all the right ways. Balled in his left hand was a bundle of white and black cotton. His shirt and boxers no doubt.

Reaching across the vacant passenger seat, I unlocked the door as he approached and the impish grin that graced his innocent face had me rolling my eyes. It was too ironic to be coincidental, that such a soft face could hide such a broken, lost fuckboy.

“Hey Y/N.” His post-sex voice sounded tired and fucked out beyond belief and for a brief moment, I pitied the poor, clueless girl that would wake up alone in the morning.

“Hey kiddo,” I simpered, playful smile hiding the concern and irritation washing about in the pit of my stomach as he climbed into the passenger seat. “You sound tired as fuck.”

“Hmm... Probably more so than you.” He shot me a look I couldn’t decipher and tossed his shirt and boxers in the back. “I don’t think I’ll ever go from the gym to a party again.”

I hummed in acknowledgement, focus more on the well-being of my best friend than the road. He sighed deeply, sliding his hood off and leaned his head against the window. Waves of exhaustion rolled off his body. A song popped into my mind and I spoke suddenly.

“Jungkook,” I murmured, the falling moon and darkness of the sky reminding me of how late it was. The weight of his gaze on me transferred to my phone when I tossed it into his lap. “Open spotify, yeah?”

“Okay… it’s opened.”

Lyrics sat impatiently on my tongue before I had even told him what to type.

“Search niki. N - I - K - I. Then just hit shuffle play.”

The silence that hung between us while he spelled out the artist’s name was not one begging to be filled and we sat in companionable silence. Finally at a stoplight, I paused to glance over my best friend. His bottom lip remained stuck between his teeth. Though tired, his deep brown eyes focused in on the screen of my phone. A vermillion glow washed over the two of us, kissing his exposed collarbones and hiding the flush dusting my cheeks.

The light turned green and we were off as the bittersweet verses of ‘Warpaint’ slid out of the car speakers as an aesthetic white noise. I watched quietly as Jungkook’s eyelids fought to stay open before finally sliding closed, a melancholic feeling settling over my heart. The faux smile I had present fell back into a frown and I released the heavy exhale I had withheld for so long.

Ever since high school, he had been jumping from girl to girl the numbers quickly racking up from two to three to five to six girlfriends a year. I watched from the sidelines, always there as a shoulder to cry on, a shield from other girls, a wall flower he’d leave alone for a couple months while he fucked around. For years I had fought the feelings off every time they surface, knowing I was nothing more than a friend, around only for him to come back to when the hidden emotions he refused to show got the best of him.

Shooting a sideways glance over at Jungkook, I let my eyes travel briefly over his tired body. The breath entered and exited his lips slowly, steadily, almost in sync with the beat of my heart. I began to take a right at the intersection onto the street that led to his apartment when he reached out suddenly and stopped me. His warm, calloused hand closed over my cold, sweater paws and effectively halted the car. My gaze shot up to his.

“No- wait,” he groaned, blinking blearly and pushing himself back into a sitting position. “Can… Can I stay over tonight?”

Still stopped in the middle of the intersection, I gazed at his deflated figure… ‘No’ would have been the right answer in a situation like this. No. You can’t stay over. No. You can’t encourage the feelings I do have for you. No. You don’t understand what staying over is going to do for my heart.

Immediately the ‘yes’ slithered through my lips before my mind processed the weight of the situation. After all, he did have a dresser of stuff over at my apartment and the guest room was hardly ever occupied.

“Sure.”

A grateful smile graced his lips and he retracted his hand from mine.

“Thank you, __...” he mumbled. “God, you know you’d make the best girlfriend in the world, right?”

The offhand comment threw a poison tipped dagger straight through my heart and the breath I had been trying to take caught in my throat before he resituated himself against the car door and added,

“I guess that makes me lucky you’re my best friend.”

Deep, devious, and devilish, the darkness concealed the hurt masked in my eyes and Jungkook shot me a playful smile, ignorant to the fact the smile I offered back did not reach my eyes.

series m.list

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haledamage · 4 years ago

Note

⭐

since I’ve started writing fic about her, I figured I’d share a few facts about my Mind Blind MC, Lexi :) but of course, Lexi refused to just give me five facts so here’s ten!

under the cut because it got long:

Lexi Wiseman

Lexi is short for Alexandria, but literally no one ever calls her that, not even her parents. I almost made her full name Alexandria Nichole, but then I remembered her brother is Nick and that implies that either A) their parents are very uncreative, or B) they really like the name Nick xD I’ve decided that Lexi tells everyone her middle name is Nichole because she thinks it’s funny, but it’s actually, like, Jane or something.

Cut her hair short just before she graduated high school, mostly to remove any trace of a dye job that she’d outgrown (she did not look good with black hair), but also just because why not. Gray made an offhand comment that it suited her and so it’s been short ever since. Not that she’d ever admit that’s actually the reason (let’s be real, everyone already knows anyway)

Notorious clothes thief. Seriously, just the worst. Steals Nick’s shirts and hoodies all the time. Will steal Gray’s too if he leaves them at the house. Would steal Sally’s but they’re too small. Nick regularly goes through her closet (he asks first, he's not a monster) to reallocate stolen goods.

5’8”, just enough shorter than Nick that the height difference is really obvious. It bugged her a lot when she was a surly teenager (just one more way she was in his shadow), but she’s over it now. Except when he does the digging-his-chin-into-the-top-of-her-head thing (my sister does that to me, it’s the woooorst).

Really, really close to Nick. Seriously at like 110% even though there’s only 2 chapters out? She would absolutely take a bullet for him, but she’d bitch about it afterwards. Understands how much he’s sacrificed of his own chances at normalcy in order to be there for her, tries her best to be there for him in return. Cookie Incident notwithstanding, she was really happy when he met Gray because it meant he could have a friend that didn’t need to tiptoe around her condition, which meant no “choose between her and his own happiness” situation because they both know he would not have chosen himself. (Gray himself still very much tiptoes around her condition, but that’s a whole different can of worms). Still wishes he'd stop calling her Button.

Big, huge, ridiculous, hopeless crush on Gray. She thinks she’s very good at hiding it. She's wrong. She has accepted that he doesn't feel the same way and their love can never be. She's wrong about that too.

While we’re on the subject of her favorite people: Salomé Alavidze. Nothing else needs to be said, really. Sally is the coolest person in the world, cooler than Lexi, cooler than Nick, even cooler than Gray, and it’s a pity the rest of the world is too stupid to see it. Just as much family as Nick is. She’s definitely gonna try and play matchmaker for Nick and Sally, but also will definitely make gagging noises if she ever has to witness them kissing because gross.

Super smart. Also, a certified idiot. High Innovation, low Insightful, she's textbook high INT/low WIS, baby. Sometimes she can't see the forest for the trees, as it were. Makes up for it with style. Up until enrolling at Aeon, mostly just used this skill for hacking government servers kicking ass at first-person shooters. Can and will destroy you in Apex Legends, won’t even feel bad about it (gamertag is probably a Button pun and/or a pun about her Pollard Zero, so like… PanicButton or Zer0Chill :3)

Yet another musically-inclined OC :) it became a passion of hers when she realized that listening to music was a good way to shield her thoughts from other people, since it would drown her out. And then actually playing/singing/creating her own music was an even better way, plus she's pretty good at it. I could see her having a youtube channel where she posts acoustic covers of songs (plus occasionally an original song). In my head she sounds like Kina Grannis. Her most-watched video is a silly duet between her and Nick that she only uploaded because of sentimentality and then remembered ‘oh shit he’s famous!’ but then it was already too late. The damage had been done. It has like 10 million views. Oops.

Has used the combination of music and her mind blindness for evil. Likes to listen to earworms/meme songs/anything overly catchy that will stick with people even when she's out of their brainrange. Has definitely rickrolled an entire subway car. Probably at rush hour.

#lexi wiseman #mind blind #my sister and I are really really close too and I tried being mean to Nick but it made me feel bad so he and Lex are bffs #Lexi is surprisingly well-adjusted all things considered :) not sure how that happened lmao #her duet with Nick was Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men I'm pretty sure #just because that would be cute #(also I'll be doing all the romances with Lexi but I love a romance with History so Gray is definitely her 'canon')#sorry it took so long to actually answer this one :/#my brain completely shut down for the summer and I'm working on catching up #orime-stories

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youreverycolor · 5 years ago

Text

An Unlikely Love: Perfect Again (Rafael Barba x Anna Stein)

AN: Prompt #156 from 200 Prompts from @drink-it-write-it (“He stares at you every time you look away.”)

Also, I’ve decided to start adding songs to go with these stories. For the previous ones, here is a list (these will all take you to Youtube).

Post-Script: “My Shot” from Hamilton Admissions: “Tiny Voice” by Lexi Walker Unspoken: “Tale as Old as Time” from Beauty and the Beast Redemption: “Skin” by Rihanna

Tagging: @thatesqcrush @madpanda75 @misssirenlove @danahart1 @nikkijmorgan @ele-esposito @dianilaws @sunnyfortomorrow @mommakat32 @lucifersadvisor @gibbs274 @oliviamariathegirl @evee87 @tropes-and-tales @garturbo @delia26 @neely1177 @jennisdirtyimagines @lostintech0011001 @letty-o @lucifersadvisor @sunnyfortomorrow @literallyprentissstwin

Song: “You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman” by Aretha Franklin

~*~*~*~

“So, I’m guessing I won’t be seeing you for a few weeks?” Rafael stirred the salsa that was simmering on the stove as Anna sat on the other side of the breakfast bar, hunched over a book.

She barely looked up. “Maybe.”

He smiled. “Well, your exams are coming up, aren’t they?”

“Mmhmm,” she mumbled absently.

“I guess I’m going to have to hang out with Carisi to fill the time.”

She turned the page. “Fine by me.”

He was entertained by this little game. “And then I’ll do a striptease across the squad room.”

“That’s good.” Then, as if she had snapped out of a trance, her head jerked up. “Wait—what did you say?”

He laughed and checked the beans, which were almost ready to mash. “I see how it is. You ignore me until you hear the word striptease. Then I have your attention.”

She rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. “I’m sorry. I was just—”

He smirked. “More interested in the Rule Against Perpetuities than in me?” He walked around the counter to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “It’s okay. It has that mysterious and sexy vibe.” He pulled her sweatshirt—well, actually, his sweatshirt—aside and nuzzled against her neck.

“You keep doing that and it won’t get any less mysterious to me,” she whimpered, reaching her hand up and around her head to caress the back of his head. “Or I’ll just get turned on in the middle of the exam.”

“Nobody understands that rule.” He gave her a quick nip on her earlobe but released her from his grip and went back to the food. “In some states, you can’t actually be sued for using it wrong.”

“I wish that applied to civil procedure, too. I will never understand Pennoyer.”

He cracked two eggs into a skillet that had once held tortillas. “More stuff you will never use. I do, however, expect you to get a perfect score on your criminal law exam.”

“What happens if I disappoint you?”

He glanced up at her and saw that her face had fallen just slightly. Despite her notoriously great poker face, the longer he was with her, the more he was able to read her micro expressions. “Mi corazón, I was kidding.” He tilted the pan to redistribute the oil and then went back to the beans. “You could never disappoint me.”

She sighed. “I’m worried I’m going to disappoint myself.”

“How?”

“I worked really hard to get into school. And I’ve worked really hard all semester to keep up with the work. It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be.”

“Si, pero you’ve come this far. Exams are just regurgitation of what you’ve been discussing all semester,” he replied. “I promise, the hard stuff is what you do in class. And if it makes you feel any better, how you do in law school—or even on the bar exam—doesn’t tell you how you’ll be as a lawyer.”

She brightened a bit. “Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, look at Carisi—”

“Raf, you know that’s not nice!” she scolded. “Sonny is a perfectly fine attorney.”

He finished plating their dinner. “Sorry. I’m just saying that some of the best attorneys I know were only average in school. It doesn’t mean anything.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? And how did you do in law school?” It was a rhetorical question. She knew perfectly well how he’d done.

He pushed a plate across the counter from her and sat down next to her with his own. This was where they usually ate together; the dining room table had other uses. “Don’t compare yourself with me, Anna. Don’t compare yourself with anyone. You deserve to be a lawyer more than anyone else I know. And I will be as proud of you the day you take that oath as I am right now just for working as hard as you are.”

“Are you sure you won’t be disappointed if I—”

He set his fork down and took her hands in his. “The only way you could disappoint me, Anna, is if you’re so worried about the lawyer you’ll be that you forget about being the woman you are.”

She dipped her head for a second and then kissed him. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.” She took a bite of the huevos rancheros he had prepared and sighed. “Jesus, this is delicious. Is there anything you’re not good at?”

He thought for a second. “Stripping?”

When she threw her head back and laughed, he knew he had broken through the wall of negligence and consideration, theories and rules. After her shower, he caught her singing along to Disney soundtracks in the bedroom as she blow-dried her hair. When she saw him watching her, she motioned for him to join her one-woman concert, creating the perfect harmony. And for the rest of the night, Anna was his Anna again, and there was no way he could ever be disappointed with that.

***

The day grades were posted on the school’s intranet, Anna had to wait all day to check them because she wanted Rafael to be with her when she did. And of course, that had to be the day he got home late; a trial had run over and then he had to meet with the squad regarding a new case that had just come in. By the time he arrived at her apartment, she was clawing the walls. When they finally sat down to look, she couldn’t do it—she made him open up the website and look for her while she paced between the couch and her kitchen counter.

“Well?” she asked, impatiently.

His face betrayed nothing. He took a deep breath and looked up at her from behind her laptop screen. “Do you want the bad news or the good news first?”

Her heart fell into her stomach. This was torture. She prepared to hear that she had done poorly enough that she wouldn’t be able to return for the next semester. “Just get the bad news over with, I guess.”

“Well,” he continued, “you’re probably going to want to get very drunk.”

“Oh God,” she said, walking to her liquor cabinet. “Do I want wine or scotch?”

His face started to twitch. “Don’t you want the good news?”

She turned back. “Oh. Well, I guess that couldn’t hurt. What’s the good news?”

He stood up. “The good news is that you’re going to want to get very drunk celebrating with a bunch of people, because, mi corazón, your GPA is a 3.0.”

Her ears filled with the sound of her own heartbeat. She wasn’t even sure she had heard him correctly. “I’m sorry, did you say—”

A wide grin stretched across his face. “I did!” He threw his arms around her waist and spun her around. “You did so well, Anna! I’m so proud of you.”

But her face was not what he had expected it would be. She didn’t look as happy as he thought she would have. Although she was smiling, it wasn’t the genuine smile he loved so much. She pulled herself out of his arms and sat on the couch to examine the grades more closely. She had an A in criminal law—no surprise there—and another in torts. But civil procedure and property had been her downfall: she’d only managed to pull C’s in those two classes. Her eyebrows pinched together. What happened? she wondered.

Rafael, however, seemed thrilled with her work, and she didn’t want to dampen his mood with her own. She would have plenty of time to analyze what had gone wrong when she was alone. So she put on the happiest face she could muster and stood up to face him again.

“Thank you, honey,” she said. “I appreciate how supportive you’ve been all this time.”

He smiled at her and tilted his head. “Are you all right? You seem a bit—”

“Oh, no, I’m fine!” she said, a little too emphatically. “It’s just kind of one of those adrenaline things. You know, anticipation and then…”

He squinted at her just a bit and took her hands. “I love you. We should go celebrate.”

She shook her head. “Oh, Raf, I’m not—I mean, it’s late, and I’m kind of tired. Stressful day, you know? Can we just—”

“Chinese?” he offered. “You may even be able to convince me to watch the new version of Beauty and the Beast.”

“Sure.”

“Are you sure you’re all right?”

She kissed him on the cheek. “I’m fine, Raf. Really.” Then she went into the kitchen to find the menu for their favorite Chinese place down the street, leaving a trail of lies in her wake.

***

A week later, just before Christmas, Rafael had a surprise for Anna. Between his work schedule and a two-day migraine she’d had, they hadn’t had time to celebrate properly. Getting the squad together was like herding cats, but he had managed to do it. He organized a small get-together at Forlini’s with them, plus a couple of Anna’s friends, to celebrate the successful end of Anna’s first semester of law school. The night of the party, he arranged for the two of them to Uber from his apartment to the restaurant, as if it were just another date night. Anna didn’t ask too many questions, although she was surprised that he suggested Forlini’s, as it was where he usually went to drown his sorrows after a tough loss.

“I’d like to start associating this place with good things,” he said to her as they exited the car.

“Gotcha. I’m kind of excited to go here, to be honest. Maybe I’ll start feeling like I might actually become a lawyer someday.”

Over the last week, Anna had made a few offhanded comments like that, and it concerned him slightly. Ever since grades came out, she hadn’t quite been herself. He assumed it was the migraine and also the post-exam comedown, but something seemed a bit off. He tried to put the thought out of his mind; he wanted tonight to be all about her and her success. After all, they had celebrated enough of his victories.

“Surprise!”

To Anna’s utter and complete shock, she entered the main dining room to find Olivia, Fin, Sonny, Amanda, and three of her friends gathered around a long table, cheering and shouting congratulations. She had no idea how to react at first—she hadn’t been expecting this at all.

“Holy sh—what are you all—”

Sonny came around the table to high-five her. “Rafael thought it would be a good idea to celebrate. He said you did really great your first semester!”

“Yeah, a 3.0? That’s better than I ever did, even in high school,” Fin added.

“No shock there,” Amanda said, elbowing him playfully. He gave her a faux glare.

As everyone else around the table offered their congratulations, Anna was aghast. She had no idea how to react to this. She knew that everyone gathered around this table was there to celebrate her, and that they all genuinely believed she’d done well. But all week, she had been turning the semester over in her head, trying to figure out how she had done so poorly in civ pro and property, and how she could have done better in her other classes. As soon as she got back to school, she planned to ask for copies of her essays, after which she would spend a great deal of time reviewing them and making notes on what she had missed. For now, though, she didn’t want to disappoint all these people who had made time out of their busy schedules to come together on her account. So she plastered a smile on her face and thanked each of them individually before they all sat down to dinner.

All through dinner, Rafael barely stopped touching her. He would squeeze her leg under the table or hold her hand while they waited for their next course. They made small talk with her friends, who would later tell Anna that they couldn’t believe he was as old as he was because he was so handsome, and, of course, they asked all about how she was liking law school. She gave the appropriate answers, told them what she knew they wanted to hear. After a while, though, she knew her façade was starting to falter, so she excused herself to the bar to get another glass of wine.

“I’ll go with you,” Amanda said, signaling to her empty glass. “If I’m paying a sitter, I might as well live it up.” While they were waiting for their drinks, Amanda glanced backward at the table. Rafael was sitting at the end of the table facing the bar, and although there was conversation going on all around him, his eyes were focused on Anna. He was clearly trying to be subtle; his eyes occasionally darted back to someone else’s face, and he would take a sip of his scotch. But inevitably, his bright green gaze would land back on his girlfriend, like he was worried that if he looked away too long, she would disappear. “He stares at you every time you look away,” she finally said.

“Excuse me?”

Amanda smiled and leaned toward Anna, lowering her voice conspiratorially. “If you looked over your shoulder right now, you’d see it. He’s so proud of you. And Barba is never proud of anyone. He barely said congratulations to Carisi when he passed the damn bar exam.”

“I don’t know why,” Anna said sadly.

“Because he thinks Carisi is enough of a puppy dog and doesn’t need any more encouragement.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. I mean, I don’t know why he’s proud of me. I didn’t do as well as I’d hoped.”

Amanda played with her empty glass. “A 3.0 is pretty damn good if you ask me.”

“I’m dating Rafael Magna-Cum-Laude-At-Harvard-Law-School Barba,�� Anna said. “The guy who started as a poor kid in the Bronx and moved up to be—well, look at him.” She gestured to Rafael, in his three-piece suit, now debating the latest gun control measure in the state legislature with Sonny. “How the hell do I live up to that?”

Amanda set her glass on the counter. “Does he make you feel like you have to live up to something? Because that’s not what that stare says to me.”

Anna didn’t say anything for a long while, and then she looked at the usually cynical blonde. “So, detective, what does that stare say to you, then?”

“Look, I’m no romantic,” Amanda began, “but I’ve known Barba for years now, and I can tell you right now that I have never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you—especially when he knows you’re not looking. It’s like a compulsion or something.”

Anna felt a flush wash over her skin. Suddenly, she was very aware of the pair of eyes on her from across the room. It wasn’t creepy; on the contrary, he looked at her the way she always hoped someone would look at her. But she still couldn’t shake the idea that she hadn’t earned that look, that she had somehow failed to live up to what Rafael Barba deserved in a partner.

Just then, their drinks appeared on the bar. “Thank you, Amanda,” she said, bracing herself for round two.

“No problem. And for what it’s worth? Carisi only got a 2.9 his first semester.”

***

“Did you have fun?” Rafael asked as he shut her apartment door behind them.

Anna stepped out of her painfully high heels, suddenly becoming shorter than him again. “Yeah. I’m just surprised you were able to get everyone together!”

He loosened his tie. “It wasn’t easy, believe me. Not that they didn’t want to come, but, you know, kids, grandkids, that kind of thing. You should be very aware of how much they care about you.”

“You mean how much they care about you,” she muttered, heading to the kitchen for a glass of water.

“What does that mean?”

“What are you, a bat?”

“Don’t deflect. What’s wrong, Anna? Something’s been off all week, and I can’t figure out what. Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” she said, a hint of sadness in her voice. “That’s the problem.”

“Well, now I’m very confused.” He took her by the hand and led her into the living room, pulling her onto the couch with him. “Sit. Breathe. Explain.”

She sighed deeply. “It’s not easy being your girlfriend sometimes, you know.”

He laughed a little. “I could have told you that months ago. In fact, I think I did tell you that.”

She shook her head. “No, it’s not—it’s not that you’re doing something wrong. You’re easy to be with, actually—a lot easier than you think you are.”

“That’s an argument for another day. What’s not easy, then?”

She tried to look away, but he turned her head back gently. “Do you remember when we were just barely together, and you asked me why I chose you?”

He nodded. “That was the first time you said you loved me. How could I forget that?”

She gave him a sad smile. “Well, as easy as it seemed for me to say that, it wasn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” she replied, “I had the same question for you.”

It was his turn to be aghast. His eyes widened and he took her hands in his. “Why in the world would you have to question that? If anyone should be insecure, it’s me. But I know you love me. So why do you doubt that I love you?”

“It’s not that I doubt that you love me, Raf. It’s that I don’t know why. And last week just made it worse.”

His brow furrowed in confusion. “What happened last week that would make you wonder—” He stopped. “Oh, Amor, you don’t mean your grades.”

A tear fell from her eye and she tore one of her hands away from his to wipe it away. “I told you I was afraid of disappointing you, and myself. My grades were—well—not what I expected.”

“Mi amor, it is so common for your first semester of law school to be imperfect. And you did remarkably well, especially considering you also have a job.”

“You did remarkably well. I’m just…average. And when I look at you, when I see you in court, when you sit there and debate gun control with Sonny, it becomes all the more apparent to me that you could do so much better, and—”

“Anna, listen to me. There is nothing better than you. I could look for it and I wouldn’t find it because it doesn’t exist. You could work at McDonald’s for all I care. You are not your career. I know I make it seem like that’s a lifestyle, but if you haven’t noticed, I’m not the most well-adjusted person.” He gave her a small smile, trying to make her laugh, but she didn’t.

“I just wanted to make you proud of me.”

“I’m proud of you every day. Why do you think I can’t stop touching you when we’re out? It’s not that I’m trying to tell the world that you’re mine.”

She wiped another tear away. “No? Then what is it?”

“It’s that I want everyone to know that I’m yours,” he said. “I want people to know that you chose me. I told you, Anna. The only way you could ever disappoint me is by forgetting who you are in favor of what you’re becoming. And you shouldn’t be disappointed in yourself, either. What you’ve accomplished in the last two years is nothing short of amazing, and if I have to tell you that every day, I will, until you believe me.”

She looked up into his now-watery eyes, and in that moment, she was so grateful for having a partner who was just that—her partner. He never made her feel silly for having feelings or that she had to be something more than what she was. And then she thought about what Amanda had said about him staring at her, and suddenly she realized that her insecurity wasn’t coming from him. It was only coming from inside her head.

To his great relief, she finally broke into a smile. “You know what really would make me feel better?”

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Seeing if you really are good at stripping.”

#rafael barba #rafael barba fanfiction #rafael barba fan fiction #rafael barba fanfic #rafael barba fan fic #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba x oc #ada rafael barba #law and order svu #law and order special victims unit #l&o:svu #raul esparza #svu #an unlikely love #my fic #svu fanfiction

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sunnyrollins · 5 years ago

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Hello there lovely! Firstly, I LOVE your writing. You're just so GOOD. It literally lights up my day when I see you've posted a Rollisi prompt. Much love! Secondly, I was wondering if there was any chance of you doing a song prompt. I adore "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur for Rollisis and would love to see some sort of fic based on it. No pressure if it's not your style. Take it or leave it. Love your work! You're the hero us Rollisi fans need!

[anon, this literally made me cry ilysm ! i’m so sorry this took me so long to get to ! i hope you saw the post i made shortly after you sent this saying i was doing it so you don’t think i just totally ignored you especially after all your kindness !]

The precinct felt particularly quiet that night. It usually did after a particularly difficult case. And, even after years of working at SVU, nothing was more difficult for Amanda than working cases involving children.

She sat at her desk, looking intently at the pictures of her daughters that were proudly displayed, unable to stop the familiar, intrusive thoughts from encroaching into her consciousness. She’d seen the worst of what the world had to offer working in the field that she chose. If anything were to ever happen to either of her girls…

She had enough restraint to flip the switch before the thought could fully manifest. Jesse and Billie were okay. They were fine…probably warm and comfortable in their pajamas, unwinding before bed. The thought was comforting, but also brought on a wave of almost guilt. Her kids were happy and safe and loved. The kids who’d been victimized by that animal…

“Rollins,” Amanda blinked back the tears that had threatened to spill at the corners of her eyes and turned to face Olivia at the sound of her voice. “Go home. Be with the girls.”

Amanda shook her head, as if to jostle the dark thoughts from her mind, and she took a deep breath to steady herself. “Yeah,” she agreed. Her eyes flickered to the framed photographs of her daughters one last time before she finally stood up from her desk. “These cases make you wanna go home and hug the people you love a little tighter.”

“I know Noah and I will be watching an extra hour of TV together tonight,” Olivia agreed with a small, sad smile.

Amanda returned the sentiment, but thought twice before offering a response on how her own night would transpire. Keeping things in her personal life under wraps had been getting inexplicably more difficult as time went on, and she’d found that she had almost slipped up on quite a few occasions within the past month.

Keeping secrets from Olivia and Fin was discernibly not her favorite thing to do, but it was necessary…for the sake of the job as well as for the sake of preserving what was hers and only hers for as long as possible. She loved them like they were family, but they — if nothing else — were opinionated. And it had admittedly been nice not having an outside opinion on her life outside of work since she’d been pregnant with Billie.

When it was clear that a nod was all the response that her detective was going to give, Olivia pulled her bag up a little higher onto her shoulder, fastening the final button on her coat. “Give the girls an extra kiss for me,” she said.

Amanda nodded again, her smile a little less melancholic this time. “See you in the morning, Captain.”

When she arrived back home, Amanda stopped outside of her apartment to fish her keys out of her coat pocket. From the other side of the door, she could hear a familiar voice, and a small smile touched her lips, as she paused to listen to the sound of the thick, Staten Island accent reading the words to one of Jesse’s favorite books that she had all but memorized by that point.

“The witch had a cat and a hat that was black, and long ginger hair in a braid down her-”

“Back!” Jesse finished excitedly.

Amanda smiled to herself before finally unlocking and opening the door, and the sight in front of her — with Billie sleeping soundly against Carisi’s shoulder and Jesse curled up against his side to look at the pictures in the book — was enough to send every fearful and negative thought about the recently closed case back into the furthest corners of her consciousness.

“Mommy!” Jesse exclaimed with a wave in her direction once she closed the door behind her.

The small smile that Amanda previously wore grew as she exchanged glances between all of the familiar faces. “You three havin’ fun without me?”

Jesse climbed into Carisi’s lap to take the book out of his hands and turn it to show the pictures to her mother. “We’re reading Room on the Broom!”

“Again?” Amanda asked with mock surprise. As if by second nature, she unclasped her necklace to remove the diamond ring that had been tucked into her shirt all day before slipping it back into its rightful place on her left hand. “One more reading and Uncle Sonny might start asking for a lobotomy.”

Carisi chuckled, but Jesse simply looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. “What’s a bononomy?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he assured her. “How about before we finish me and Mom get Billie settled for the night and you can show her the picture you drew before, alright?”

“Okay!” Jesse agreed easily and with a jovial smile. She clambered out of his lap and set the book down on the coffee table, taking off down the hallway nearly as soon as her slippers hit the floor.

Amanda took the sleeping toddler from Carisi’s arms, kissing her head and holding her just a little bit closer than usual, and he followed behind her as they made their way into Billie’s dimly lit bedroom to put her to bed. After tucking her in and whispering a gentle goodnight, she turned to the man behind her, winding her arms tightly around his waist, and resting her head against the crook of his neck.

It seemed contrived, but she couldn’t help but notice that all of the darkness that had tainted her world throughout the years had become a little bit lighter since she’d finally allowed herself to fully let him in. From childhood, life had been anything but easy.. It all lingered in the back of her consciousness in a seemingly endless cycle. Maybe it always would. But sometimes in the simplest moments…when she’d watch him tuck the girls into bed, or she’d wake up to a gentle kiss before he’d get up to put on a pot of coffee…it all seemed to fade away for a little while.

She breathed out nearly all of the tension of the day in a soft sigh, her eyes squeezing closed as if to help her to memorize everything about him in that moment — the warmth of his skin, the smell of the cologne on the collar of his shirt, the soft whisper of his voice when he finally spoke.

“You alright?”

Her hand smoothed absentmindedly down his back, and she pulled away from the hug just enough to tilt her head up to look at him. “Better now,” she responded.

Now that I’m with my family.

She’d completed the thought exclusively in her mind, but the way he quirked a curious eyebrow and the corners of his lips turned up in amusement let her know that he’d recognized the implication. “Gettin’ domestic on me, Rollins?” He teased.

She rolled her eyes playfully, and when he leaned down to kiss her, she aptly dodged it with a laugh. “If I ever get domestic you’ll know it,” she assured him.

The truth was, she had gotten more domestically sentimental throughout the year and a half they’d been together romantically. She had, admittedly, rolled her eyes at the “marry your best friend” sentiment in the past. It seemed too cliche…childish even. Maybe that was because — before now — the vast majority of men she’d dated in the past hadn’t actually been her friends at all, she wondered.

“I thought you might be headin’ in that direction when you actually agreed to marry me,” he finally said with a chuckle.

“Well if it’s any consolation I’ve still got time to change my mind.” Her smile indicated that she was only joking without her having to say it, and this time when he leaned down to peck her lips, she graciously accepted. “Hopefully we’re both still employed by the time we actually get to the part where we tie the knot.”

For as much as she wanted to blame the detective skills of Manhattan SVU for the fact that it had been getting more and more difficult to hide the nature of their relationship from the squad — and for as much as that was partially to blame — she knew she hadn’t been doing herself any favors either. Half the time she’d go out of her way to avoid him when he’d come into the precinct, and the other half she’d be so tense that she could feel it in her shoulders.

It hadn’t exactly dawned on her until Olivia had pulled her aside one day to ask if they were okay…if they’d had some kind of falling out because — according to the Captain — they’d been standoffish around one another. She could only hope her own shock in response to the observation wasn’t evident enough to seem suspicious.

“You’re borrowin’ trouble again,” he pointed out in response to the offhanded comment.

“So I take it you’re ready to convince Hadid that marrying one of the detectives you work with somehow doesn’t present a conflict of interest?”

“I’m a lawyer, Rollins. Convincing is kinda what I do.” He paused, cupping her face gently between his hands to look her in the eyes. “Don’t worry about it, alright? We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. And either way…it’s all gonna work out.”

She knew he had absolutely no way of knowing that for sure, but something about the gentleness of his tone and the sincerity in his eyes made her want to believe it.

“You’re right. Gettin’ fired doesn’t sound too bad,” she finally said with a teasing smile, and when he chuckled with a roll of his eyes she nudged him playfully with her elbow. “I could use a vacation.”

When the floor outside of Billie’s bedroom creaked just slightly, Amanda instinctively unwrapped her arms from around him and turned to find Jesse standing in the doorway with a piece of paper in her hands. With a proud smile, the little girl thrust the drawing out to show her mother, and Amanda regarded the crayon-drawn figure with a bright smile.

“It’s Frannie!” The little girl declared, but she seemed to easily lose her focus on the task at hand as she turned her attention to Carisi. “Can we finish the story now?”

“Yeah, of course. C’mon.”

He grunted dramatically when he picked her up, offering a playful comment about how fast she’d been growing, and Amanda couldn’t help but smile at the way her daughter glowed excitedly in response.

The three of them quickly settled back onto the couch. Jesse sat attentively in Carisi’s lap, her eyes glued to the pages of the picture book as he picked up where he had left off, and Amanda leaned against him, nestled affectionately against his side. As he read, she slowly but surely fazed out the words and allowed herself to simply drift into the comfortable familiarity of his voice.

After all of the men who had burned her in the past — those who had left her high and dry or slept around behind her back — she had almost started to believe that there was no point in trying to build a romantic relationship as it would only end in heartbreak. But as she rested her head against the shoulder of the man she was going to marry…her former partner…her best friend…she let herself embrace the fact that she hadn’t let it get that far.

She thought back to the night that he’d asked her to marry him. When Al had proposed, it was out of perceived necessity. He’d wanted to make an “honest woman” out of her. With Carisi, it was different. He didn’t have to marry her. He wanted to.

“I want us to spend the rest of our lives like this, Amanda.”

A small, subconscious smile touched her lips in response to the memory, and when her eyes shifted up to him, watching his eyes skim over the children’s book as Jesse listened and leaned against his shoulder with sleepy eyes, she knew she wanted the same.

She wanted him to be there through everything that life would come to throw at her. She wanted to grow old with him by her side.

She wanted forever with him. And the ring around her finger assured her that he was never going to let her go.

#rollisi #rollisi prompts #svu #i'm genuinely soft over this ask again i don't deserve this kinda kindness <3 #also sorry for the delay this week there's genuinely no excuse #for me i was just being lazy

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