#and by the time i realized what id done.... it was too far back for me to Ctrl Z

[whomturgled]

:^(

[thebibliosphere]

I was just playing gotham knights again and noticed some passive dialog regarding Babs having a back brace, which is at least acknowledging that there was damage done, but I'm a little sad for the loss of some really cool disability representation. What are your feelings on her (and on a similar note Batman's) miraculous recovery from paralysis in DC?

I think Gotham Knights handled her disability fairly well, considering this is a universe where magic, nanobots, and puddles of evil green goo that can heal the dead exist. All things considered, it would have been very easy for them to either erase it entirely or just handwave and say, "She worked really hard and got better," as previous iterations of the canon have done.

Because she did work hard and get better, but the hard work is ongoing because they depict her issues as chronic.

She's got a limp (it's the most obvious in her Talon suit with no cape in the way), which means she can't rely on speed or high kicks like the others can (I mean, she can kick, but it's her slowest motion, and until you max out her suit, it's the most liable to get her thrown to the ground), so she falls back on precision and her tech.

Jason punches for maximum pain, Dick moves with dizzying speed, and Tim's gonna sneak up on you and drop you like a rock, but Babs is going for the pressure points with ruthless precision. Not to mention her drones.

The conversation with Tim, realizing she might need help boosting her suit to compensate for her pain/strength issues, is a nice little way of making the player aware that she's got these ongoing problems because, honestly, a casual observer could mistake her back brace for athleisure wear if they didn't recognize the shape of it. It's also a good way of throwing in some exposition about how she's still going to physical rehab and that her PT would like her to "wean off" her back brace, but because her PT doesn't know her actual job as a vigilante, Barbara admits she can't and is essentially finding ways to manage her own care and create her own accommodations. Accommodations which they are all shown to be willing to help with.

It's a nice little touch when superhero narratives tend to revolve around self-sacrifice to the point of self-destruction. Alfred giving Dick into trouble for pushing himself too far and hiding injuries is a nice touch, too, even if it's like trying to bail water on the Titanic with a teacup.

I also like that not only do you see her wheelchair lurking around the Belfry—along with the disability adaptations they put in place, like the ramps, the wheelchair elevator, and the desks that move up and down to wheelchair height—but that she also still uses her chair from time to time.

[ID a screenshot from Gotham Knights showing the Belfry. Light streams in through a giant clockface, showcasing a bank of computer screens. In front of the screen, Barbara Gordon is using her wheelchair as Dick Grayson stands behind her, probably making a bad pun.]

Whether she's using it because she's tired or simply because it's more comfortable than the computer chair is never revealed. Nor is it brought up or commented on. It's just something that's normal for Barbara to do, and I like that. I like that it's normal. It's not a part of herself she's trying to erase. She works with it, not against it.

Is it perfect? No. Do they outright erase her disability like so many of the comics are guilty of? Also, no. I'd argue that, in fact, they kept her disability. They just changed the nature of it.

Barbara now has a dynamic disability, one which fluctuates and requires different management based on her day-to-day (or night) activity. She's in active treatment for it and will be for the rest of her life. Are some of the physical feats she achieves realistic for someone with an injury of her nature? Not really, but again, this is a world where nobody stays dead, and there are zombie assassins coming out of the walls. I'll take the attention to detail and care they put into her story any day over the "Willpower Fixed My Spine" narrative we could have gotten.

As for Bruce getting healed by magic, again, it's Batman. Comic book logic is wibbly-wobbly at the best of times, and realistically speaking, they couldn't leave Batman paralyzed. His whole deal revolves around being stealthy and punching the shit out of people. He wouldn't be Batman anymore, and frankly, I don't trust the comic writers as far as I could throw them to handle that right.

By contrast, the Gotham Knights writers handled Barbara with much more care and nuance than I ever expected. And I'm thankful for that.

---

*I also like that both Dick and Barbara are often shown wearing joint braces. Dick's are especially reminiscent of the way gymnasts and people with hypermobility tape their joints to reduce pain and prevent injuries. It's a nice little touch. They're not invincible. Their bodies hurt. They're just like me but with money and much bigger problems like giant killer robots and zombie assassins.

[minnielvr]

PROD. KITKAT - CHAPTER 3 : "fine shyt"

while on the way to the jyp building for your first official job with stray kids, you wondered how it would be. would they be loud like they usually are? will they be awkward around you? you didn't have enough time to think about it though, you were already at jyp.

you scan your id badge and make your way over to one of the recording rooms. todays plan was to talk to stray kids and see the concept they had in mind for their new album and make some sample beats for music.

you find the room and knock on the door, you hear someone say come in and then open the door to find bang chan, changbin, and jisung. you bow your head and greet them and they do the same.

"good morning y/n, how are you?" bang chan asks you.

"good morning to you too, im doing fine, and you?" you replied back. you were still trying to talk formally with him, at least in korean, it felt more professional, especially since you just met him.

"im doing good too, excited to work with you today" he smiles at you.

you give a polite smile and nod your head in return. you thought that you should talk to changbin and jisung too. you turn your head toward them, but they are already talking and giggling with each other, you decided to just stay quiet.

bang chan called your name and showed you all the equipment in the room, which wasn't much different than all the other rooms you had worked in. again, you weren't really paying attention to what he was saying just letting it go through one ear and out the other, muttering the occasional "ohh, yea, really?, wow" here and there.

all of a sudden there was a loud knock on the door and the rest of the stray kids showed up. the room instantly became loud but not for long because felix spotted you in the corner of the room and said, "oh look, y/n noona is here!" after that, everyone went silent, and it got kind of awkward.

"well lets get to work then?" jisung asked, trying to break the tension.

the rest of the members sat down and explained what the whole theme and concept of the album was, as well as explaining what type of music they wanted. you took notes on your laptop, making reminders and such, while occasionally checking your phone. you discussed with them a little bit to go over everything and made sure you understood correctly.

after the little discussion was done, every member left except bang chan, changbin, and jisung. you figured now you guys were going to play around with some beats and see what you could come up with.

you guys did exactly that, for 2 hours straight. you also talked a bit with the boys, getting to know them more. they seemed like nice guys, you just didn't want to work with them. you missed working with your friends. (mainly because you didn't actually work)

changbin and jisung had to leave early with the other boys for dance practice or something like that, but you stayed with chan for a little longer. helping him sample some things and whatnot.

"so y/n," chan says in english, "what do you think so far? about us, i mean."

"oh uh, you guys are," you spent a good 10 seconds trying to find a word to describe them, "unique."

chan laughed, "unique?? whats that supposed to mean?" he said with a smile on his face.

you finally realized it could have sounded rude and your eyes went wide and you instantly started apologizing.

"oh my god im sorry i didn't mean it like that!!" you said while shaking your hands.

he laughed again, "im just messing with ya, i know what you meant."

you sighed, feeling relieved.

"actually, you and felix remind me of this other friend i have, his name is jake, hes from another kpop group" you explained.

"jake from enhyphen?" bang chan asked.

you nodded your head in response.

"ohh felix is actually friends with him, i think. anyway did you use to work with them too?"

"nah i've only worked here, i just know them because of itzy."

"ahh. so you have a lot of idol friends then im guessing?"

"not really, i try to keep it professional when im working but itzy are just something else. they always used to pull me around and take me with them wherever they went. we're like sisters to be honest. without them and enhyphen, i'd be pretty lonely." you say, reminiscing old memories.

bang chan looks at you with a little glow in his eyes, it reminds him of how he felt with his boys.

"ah, so all your other friends are back home?" he asked.

"yea, but i never really have time to go back, jyp never gives me time off. so we kinda grew apart, except a few really close friends." you said with a sad expression. you realized you were becoming a little too emotional and decided to change the subject.

"so anyway, whats it like being an idol? i heard you guys are like, at your peak right now and stuff." you asked.

"its..stressful to say the least. especially because i also have to produce the music. my old partners wouldn't really do anything so i was left making all the music. thats why we needed to hire someone different." he explained.

'shit' you thought to yourself. you barely do work yourself. what made jyp think you can work with a top boy group right now?

"oh damn, well, i assure you, i'll help you a lot. or - i'll try my best." you said with a smile on your face. he seemed like he need the help anyway, he always looked tired.

you guys carried on doing work and talking until it was 7:00, the sun had already set and you figured it was the best time to get going now.

you and bang chan wrapped up and walked out the door, he was making his way to the dance room and you to the lobby, you said your goodbyes and went your separate ways.

───────────────────────────────

series masterlist • prev • next

the taglist is open!!! pls comment on this post or send an ask if u wld like to be added!!!

authors note: me when fine shyt

taglist : @kkamismom12 @haven-skies @likeathunderoverflow @hwangrfrnd @xerces00 @hyunjinvoid @dansphil

[fiddles-ifs]

BLOG UPDATE 10-30-24

[ID: A photoset of three images. The first two images are a parchment texture on a black background. The first image is white text, and a navigation sidebar to the left of the main body of text. The sidebar reads: 'THE KING'S PHYSICIAN, written by Elliot Z. Chapter 00: Asclepius. NEW GAME, LOAD GAME, SETTINGS, GLOSSARY, MAP, CHARACTERS, ACHIEVEMENTS.' NEW GAME is highlighted with a distressed scroll image. At the bottom of the sidebar are links leading to Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram.

To the right of the sidebar, the main text reads: 'PROLOGUE: ASCLEPIUS.

The ground stinks. It meets your hands in a shower of wet mud, an explosion of sick and blood, soaking the spaces between your fingers. When your vision focuses again, finally stops wobbling around and making double of itself, you find your palms soaked red. You crawl on your hands and knees to the body in front of you. You turn them over on their back. A man, not one of yours, and you slap his face a few times before you realize his eyes are milky and staring ahead, unblinking. There’s nothing you could do for him now. You look at his legs and find them still facing downwards. They didn’t move with the rest of him.

All the information comes to you backwards — his bisected waist, the guts spilling across the dirt, red, red and so much red. You stand up numbly. Your horse lies dead several feet away, and you remember in your haze that’s the reason why you were bucked off. You try and look at something — anything — else.

There is nothing else. All around you are limbs and blood and battle. Everything moving so slowly, mosquitoes caught in cooling amber, a slurry of death. You feel lost, a scarecrow in a burning field. Your ears ring. It all feels distant. Too distant. You need to move.

You turn to see a flash of white steel against the burning sun, and weakly raise your arms to try and block the blow with what little padding you have on. You move so slow.'

The other images feature the same text. The second image features a black background and red links. The third image is yellow parchment paper with red links and black text. /end ID]

happy update day!! i have to be up in. checks watch. six hours. so the update is coming at exactly midnight, and then i'll queue appropriately. but steady progress is being made on tkp!! im taking a small break from greenwarden to focus on making tkp and erinys look nice as a side project to querying agents for my book. it's a process. yk how it is.

what you see right now are mockups, the actual product looks uh. well. it looks like this

far cry from how i want it to look, but im working on it.

after finishing the css, all i have to do is write and edit chapter 1 and it'll be ready for demo release!

also, happy spooky season! im working on something for greenwarden that most certainly will not be done by Halloween, but i think you'll like it. it involves costumes and maybe stickers. watch this space

[mylordshesacactus]

[id: the thing is monster is so unfitting for anyone who actually darksides (just a man would be the darkside fall song) but it's PERFECT for ahsoka's particular shadiness]

YES exactly.

For reference for the uninitiated: Just A Man is, legitimately, STILL, one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful songs in the entire musical. It's human and tender and raw and just...PERFECTLY Sing, O Muse, of a complicated man.

(I've said before but Just A Man is inextricably associated, for me, with Sylvanas Windrunner more than any other fictional character which, yes, is embarrassing for me, but is also a better explanation of her motivations than Blizzard has ever bothered to try to articulate.)

It's my favorite song in the entire musical by far. It's also EXACTLY how the classic darkside fall begins--an impossible choice, the life of a stranger for the life of someone you love, the right thing or the safe one. Conflicting loyalties, the desperate grief of not being able to save everyone and having to choose, and listening to fear when they shouldn't.

Just A Man is how good Jedi start to fall in a way they can't come back from.

And as we were discussing I had the realization.

If you were in Barriss' head, isolated in the Temple in the middle of the war, marinating in the Dark Side and unable to escape it...listening to it whisper and taunt and lie, convincing her that she couldn't trust anyone and there was no way forward except giving in to it...

It would sound something like this, I think.

(Deep down, we only care for ourselves...we both do what it takes to survive...)

This, too, is how a Fall can start. This is Anakin kneeling on the floor of Palpatine's office wailing "what have I done?" and what saved Barriss was that she was given months in isolation to realize that this was the worst mistake she ever made, and just enough space to learn to see the lie next time it was shown to her.

[specific-dreamer]

“ a punch would have been a greaser's punishment, a slap a parent's, but a push is a brother’s ” -@broareweabouttoviberightnow

a punch would have been a greasers punishment / “you’ve been warned twice greaser, three strikes you’re out” = ponyboy getting jumped by bob and his crew, him getting beat and punched on, was his punishment for going to the west side sure, but ultimately it leads to his officially becoming a greaser and therefore it’s his punishment for being a greaser

there’s a lot id love to dissect here BUT the bigger thing id like to dissect “a slap a parents, a push a brothers”

in every media we have, that big fight scene between pony and darry is different. i could blame that on the concussion he might have from his jumping or even just say it’s because the movie and musical are outside of pony’s pov but consider

in the book, it’s just a slap. nothing that takes his breath away, nothing that makes him falls over, he’ll probably not even hard enough to tear up. that’s a parents slap. like i said before in that moment it’s not darry his brother hitting him but darry his guardian. darry’s who never been quite as gentle since he’s had to step up and be the man of the house.

in the movie pony gets shoved. pony gets shoved and if you don’t have siblings it can be hard to tell, but it takes darry a little too long (i mean like a millisecond too long) to start apologizing. because in any other case scenario (had their folks been alive still) the sibling that got shoved would’ve jumped up and shoved them back. and they would’ve been the start of their fight until a parent forced them to quit. but in that split second that it takes pony a little too long to get up it probably clicks to darry that this fight can’t be like any of their other ones because there are no parents to split them up. he has to be the parent but it took him too long to realize that and the next thing he knows ponyboy is gone

in the musical, darry slaps him hard enough to bruise. that’s a combination. siblings are known to roughhouse, we can see the way sodas shocked and darry’s stood frozen. how his first instinct is to jerk back like he touched something hot. that’s the reaction to a sibling realizing they went to far in their rough housing. that’s the reaction of a sibling realizing that yeah this little shit pisses me off but that’s my baby and i hurt them.

back then corporeal punishment was a big thing, if your parents didn’t explicitly say anything against it your teachers and even ur principal could spank you with a paddle. and pony says “no one in my family’s ever hit me before”. darry’s been trying this whole time to fill the void their parents left, he’s been trying his best to be his parents and do what they did. but it’s probably in that exact moment that darry slaps/pushes him that it clicks to all three brothers that darry isn’t their parents. they all knew that ofc no one cld ever replace their parents, but it’s really solidified in that moment

to pony it seems to solidify that his parents who were angels and perfect and over all amazing, are gone and there’s nothing left of them. not even in his big brother darry (who looks just like their father so shouldn’t he act like him too) instead darry who’s been pretending to be their parents just hit him, something his real parents (his real family even not this weird alternate version of them) would have ever done

to soda, who’s both pony and darry’s confidant, it clicked that his parents are never going to home and see the boys fighting and intervene. it clicked to him that he’s always going to have stop them from seriously hurting each other because his mom won’t ever get to do that anymore. he’s going to have sit with his brothers after they fight to understand their side of things and try to get them to understand each others pov

to darry. i’ve yapped about darry alrdy but to darry it clicks that he can’t keep waiting for his parents. he can’t keep that small bit of hope that this is all a dream or is temporary alive anymore. he can’t keep waiting for his parents to come home because they never will. it clicks that he can’t get in these fights with pony anymore because there’s nobody to force them to apologize when they get to stubborn to do it themselves.

[saynomorefic]

To hold (in return)

Kink: Cuddling

3.3k, NR

“Right.” Wille cleared his throat, glancing across the room and back at Simon. “Is there anything you prefer?” Simon’s stomach lurched. The last time he’d done it was in a post-sex endorphin cloud, and Simon had curled into Linus’ side, feeling his ex run his palm up and down Simon’s back like he always did. He was pretty sure that when he and Wille lay down together, they may be able to smell Linus’ shampoo on his sheets. “Spooning is good. If it’s good with you,” he added.

Written for Kinktober 🎃🖤 hosted by @youngroyals-events

Beta'd by the amazing @gulliblelemon 🫶🏼🌼

On ao3 or below the cut

“Hi.” A guy about his age stood at Simon’s door, a backpack slung over his shoulder.

“Hi. Wille, right?” There was no protocol for this. The last few days had been a haze, and Simon could hardly believe he’d gone through with it. At least he’d had the time and motivation to shower.

“Yeah. I have an ID, if you need to see it,” he offered.

“It’s okay. You’re not some serial killer, are you?”

Wille smiled and shook his head. “Nope. Not that I’m aware.” Simon nodded and stepped aside. Wille entered the apartment and looked around. Simon had had it to himself for the past week, and there was a bit more clutter than normal. He searched around for a distraction.

“I’m not exactly sure how this works,” Simon prompted, shifting from foot to foot.

“No worries.” Wille looked down at the couch, a few stray food wrappers and his textbooks strewn across it, and back at Simon. “Where were you thinking?”

“Um, this way,” he directed, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with the way Wille was taking everything in. They walked down the short hallway towards his room. “Bathroom is here, if you need it.” Simon pushed open the bathroom door and Wille nodded. He felt like he was giving him an apartment tour, still attempting to kick the formality of it all.

“This is my room on the left.” Simon pushed the door open and Wille strode in. Instead of surveying the room, he looked right at Simon.

“This is nice.”

“Thanks. Do we - talk, first?”

“It depends.” Wille shrugged, then slid off his backpack. “We can talk first, if you’d like to get to know each other.”

Simon nodded, his head feeling cloudy. Why did this have to be so complicated? He didn’t know what he pictured, but all of a sudden, questions he hadn’t considered flooded in. Was Wille expecting a deep conversation? It felt strange to just jump right in, but everything else felt like far too much.

“I’m fine with starting,” Simon finally replied, sitting down on the edge of his bed. Wille smiled, looking at Simon carefully.

“Okay, great. Just want to make sure we’re on the same page.” He walked over and sat on the bed, his weight dipping the mattress.

“How exactly does this work?” Simon asked, leaning back on the bed.

“We can go over likes and dislikes. I don't do sex in the first few meetings.” Wille glanced back at Simon. He could tell Wille was going the extra mile to make him feel comfortable. He nodded, running his hand over a wrinkle in the sheets.

”Yeah, you said that on your profile.”

“Right.” Wille cleared his throat, glancing across the room and back at Simon. “Is there anything you prefer?”

Simon’s stomach lurched. The last time he’d done it was in a post-sex endorphin cloud, and Simon had curled into Linus’ side, feeling his ex run his palm up and down Simon’s back like he always did. He was pretty sure that when he and Wille lay down together, they may be able to smell Linus’ shampoo on his sheets.

“Spooning is good. If it’s good with you,” he added.

Wille smiled and nodded. “That’s a great place to start. How about touching other places, like hands, or hair? Anywhere that you do or don’t like to be touched?”

Simon shook his head, then nodded, realizing that wasn’t exactly an answer. “Can we just - start with the spooning, and if something is uncomfortable I’ll tell you.”

“Okay.” Wille smiled and nodded. “How would you like to do it?” While Simon was usually impartial, he had to admit that he needed to be held, and badly. Besides, as bad as it was, he didn’t want to look at a stranger while doing it.

“I could be little spoon, if that’s alright.”

“Yes. That works out great. I make a pretty decent big spoon.”

Simon nodded. There was some relief in knowing that Wille had done this before, that Simon would be another person on his list, and that soothed him into lying down on the bed, turning slowly towards his window. He felt Wille shifting around behind him.

“Lift your head, here,” Wille instructed, then slid his hand through the hole under Simon’s neck.

“Okay?” Simon asked. He couldn’t help but to relax into the feeling of Wille wrapped around his back. Wille was about the same height as Linus, but his limbs were more wiry. He was warm, the press of him soft, and held Simon close but not too close.

Simon let his breathing even out, his body receiving cues that it was okay to relax. He didn’t feel tired, but he allowed his eyelids to fall shut. Just when they did, he felt Wille lightly trace his fingers up Simon’s arms, up to where his t shirt sleeves capped off, and back down to his wrists.

“Is this alright?” Wille asked.

“Mhm,” Simon responded. He couldn’t imagine what Wille thought of him. No, he wouldn’t go there. Likely he had met all sorts of people doing this, likely they had done all sorts of things. It felt selfish, but Simon didn’t spare Wille another thought, not as he continued running his fingers lightly over the fabric of his gray shirt.

Simon’s eyes batted closed again. He felt like the string of a bow, Wille curled behind him, playing him gently, marking out something new with each movement. Simon felt no need to talk or explain himself, and he felt that it was likely mutual.

Wille shifted briefly behind him. “Sorry, my arm’s going a bit numb.”

Wille gently snaked his arm out from under Simon’s neck and ended up somewhere behind him, on the pillow, or perhaps curled under Wille. That was always the benefit of being the little spoon. A tiny surge of guilt passed through Simon, but he let it die; Wille seemed enthusiastic enough about the arrangement, and soon settled right behind him, this time wedging himself slightly closer.

“Is this okay?” Wille asked again, and Simon only nodded. Wille brought his thumb up to the sleeve of Simon’s shirt and paused. “Do you like your hair being played with?”

Simon thought for a moment, then a moment longer. He very much did. It was one of his and Linus’ things, hair pulling during sex, scalp massages with short nails, him curling his fingers in Simon’s ringlets when he got out of the shower -

“Um, no. But thanks for asking.”

“Of course, Simon.” It was that simple.

When Wille sat up his right cheek was creased with pillowcase lines. He looked a bit sleepy, and a lot more comfortable than when he’d first arrived. “So, how was it?” He asked Simon, his smile dropping slightly.

“It was - nice. Strange.” Simon laughed a small, short laugh, the feeling odd to his body.

“Yeah,” Wille chuckled. “I imagine you don’t meet strangers off of the internet every day?”

“And you do?” Simon shot back, a half smile poking at his mouth.

Wille grinned. Shook his head. “Afraid I’m not that popular.” Simon nodded. He tried to think, quickly, of what to say that reflected the right balance between gratitude and wanting the stranger to get out of his house, but he figured it was an extremely rude thing to ask, considering Wille had come all this way. The idea of making small talk with Wille sounded impossible, now that his brain had gotten all fuzzy and near sleep, but the lonely feeling was biting at his heels, just waiting to return once Wille shut the door behind him.

“Do you want to do this again sometime?” By then, Wille had already put on one shoe and was tying his laces. He looked up at Simon.

“Sure,” Wille said. “But my rates will go up.” Simon’s face dropped.

“Joking,” Wille said, grinning. His other shoe was laced up. “I’d like that, Simon.”

–

It wasn’t until Wille left that Simon felt cold. He hugged himself, standing in his living room for a couple of minutes before snapping out of it. Something had replaced the vacant feeling in his gut, the one that gnawed at his stomach and made it hard to eat, and he had genuinely felt better.

The heater came on and it shook Simon to life. He headed to the kitchen and opened the fridge, resigning himself to another cereal dinner. Maybe if there were internet groups where you could meet strangers to cuddle, there were groups for people who would go with you to buy groceries. Simon wondered if Wille would go with him to ICA, and then shook the thought away.

–

They’d resumed their previous position. This time, Wille had wrapped his long arms around Simon’s middle, a pillow placed strategically between Simon’s ribs and Wille’s arm so Wille could take the pressure.

“Has anyone ever actually paid you to do this?” It was the first thing he’d said to Wille after they lay down, bar the few check-ins they had establishing consent. It sort of amused Simon that he would need to tell Wille it was okay to touch him, when that was the sole purpose of their meet ups.

“Actually, yes,” Wille whispered, his breath ghosting across the back of Simon’s head. “In university. I had someone who offered. And then I did that for a while.” He stroked the skin of Simon’s arm with his thumb absently.

“Oh,” Simon said. He couldn’t think of a follow up. He felt foolish, all of a sudden, for not sparing a second thought as to Wille’s own reasons for doing this. A brief glimpse of shame took over him and clouded the room. He was aware of Wille’s solid body pressed against him at every point, the rise and fall of his breath. Simon looked down and saw the spatter of freckles on his pale arms, wrapped all the way around him. His heartbeat quickened in his chest. What the hell was he thinking?

“Is that like .. why you’re doing this? Do you want me to pay you? Because I don’t have any money.”

Wille froze his movements. “No, Simon,” he exhaled. He nearly sounded disappointed. “That’s not why I do this. Not anymore, anyway.”

“Why do you do it, then?” It would’ve sounded snappy if Simon wasn’t so tired, if his exhaustion didn’t lap at every action or word he spoke.

“There are many reasons. I, um. I didn’t grow up with a lot of physical affection in my life. And so it became a thing for me, cuddling with friends, hugging, stuff like that. People started telling me I was good at it.” Simon imagined him smiling softly behind him. The sound of his voice was soothing, like he could read Simon to sleep. “So, I looked into it and found out that a lot of people have this need, or want, and you can find each other online. For me, sometimes it’s better than a random date. It’s almost like a service, if you will. I like to feel - wanted, I guess. Like my touch can do something for people.”

Simon nodded, knowing Wille could feel the movement. It was categorically true that Wille was gifted at this.

“What about you?” Wille’s voice sounded far away, even though ithis was right in Simon’s ear, his nose practically nestled in his hair. “Why are you doing this?”

Simon batted his eyes closed. He was dreading the moment, but now that it had come, it felt somehow safer to bare it all to Wille than any of the last ten people in his phone.

“I.. had a break up. A bad one.” Perhaps it was his imagination, but he felt Wille’s arms tightening gently around his stomach, and it was the greatest feeling, like he imagined how a weighted blanket must feel, squeezing out the heaviness.

“I’m sorry,” Wille replied.

“It’s fine,” Simon said again. He was so, so glad Wille was against his back, and didn’t know Simon well enough to catch the way his inflection changed. A tear broke out, climbing down his face to the pillow.

“They probably did something wrong,” Wille said so smoothly that it nearly made Simon laugh, the flattery making him stutter.

“You don’t know that,” Simon murmured.

“I think I know enough,” Wille said back.

–

“This was really lovely,” Wille smiled. He stood in Simon’s doorway, one hand wrapped around his backpack strap.

“Yeah, um. Thank you. I’m sorry about earlier, if I … made you feel uncomfortable, about the paying thing.” He looked up at Wille,

“It’s alright, really. I know it seems very strange. I remember how weird it felt, at first.” Simon nodded. “I, um - would you like to do this again? I mean, again - again. We could do my place next time, if you’d like?”

–

Wille lived in a bit farther from the city center. His apartment building looked more like a townhome, and Simon had to buzz him once he reached his door. Soon enough, he heard Wille coming down the stairs before the door swung open.

“Hey,” Wille panted, swinging the door shut behind him. It was a normal grey day in Lund, and his breath fogged up the air. “I was thinking we could go for a walk first? I brought tea.” Simon glanced down to see a stainless steel thermos in his hand.

“Okay,” he nodded, trying his best to smile. It wasn’t that he was in any rush, or that it put him off. It just made him slightly uncomfortable. Walking meant not touching, and talking, and most importantly, those two things together. Wille was already down the path ahead of him, so Simon turned and followed him.

They walked around the corner towards a park. People walked past them trailing behind their dogs, or hand in hand, or pushing small children in strollers. Wille unscrewed the top of the thermos and poured the tea into it before offering it to Simon. He sipped lightly at it, the warm steam unfreezing parts of his face.

“This place is nice,” Simon commented, passing the cup back to Wille and looking around. Admittedly, it was nice to breathe in some fresh air. He had hardly been out of his apartment in weeks. He wondered if Wille could tell.

“Yeah, I often come here to clear my head. Sometimes to go for runs, or to walk my roommate’s dog.”

“Cool,” Simon managed to say. He wasn’t sure what territory they were crossing into, but he didn’t know what to do about it. He just wanted to be held.

“Do you have any roommates?” Wille asked pleasantly. Simon nodded, then shook his head.

“No. Well, I did, but -”

Simon remembered seeing Linus on their doorstep. He thought the dramatic packing-of-bags-and-leaving was something that only happened in films, but there they found themselves. He felt sick again just picturing it, how he yelled after Linus and slammed the door behind him. How he fell against it and cried, his eyes in his fists, begging the universe that Linus would just come back, knowing that he wouldn’t. That he shouldn't. Finality had always been hard.

Simon finally glanced up at Wille. They had stopped walking, and Wille was just looking at him patiently. “Erm, not anymore.” He smiled again, hoping that would be the end of it.

“Your ex?” Wille guessed, and Simon quite hated the tone in Wille’s voice.

“Yeah,” he replied. He supposed he could fight Wille on it. They could turn around and head back to his apartment, or Simon could invent some excuse and get away. It wouldn’t make him a bad person; he didn’t even know Wille’s phone number or last name.

“I’m sorry.” Wille studied him, still standing right across from Simon in the path.

He just wanted to be held.

The feeling grew stronger. Before his mind could catch up to him, Simon took a step forward, and then another, until he all but threw himself into Wille’s chest. Wool covered arms quickly wrapped around him, and Simon gasped cold air into Wille’s throat.

“Hey, it’s okay, Simon,” Wille soothed, clutching him tight. “You’re alright.”

All he could do was nod into the column of Wille’s throat, taking a deep breath, then another. Wille slowly started rocking them side to side, and the worst part was that it worked. Simon’s breaths came more evenly, and his thoughts slowed to a somewhat normal pace.

“Can we go back?” Simon asked, his voice sounding mangled. Wille nodded above him, then pulled Simon into his side. The cold air wicked away the few tears on Simon’s cheeks as they walked, and he tried not to think about the nice people with normal lives who passed them by.

Once they arrived, Wille showed Simon up two flights of stairs to his room. The house felt warm and lived in, a stark contrast to Simon’s gray, empty apartment. Wille had two large bookshelves, a decent sized desk, a record player, and a full sized bed. Simon turned towards him, and for perhaps the first time since they’d met, Wille looked nervous.

“It’s not much,” Wille shrugged.

“It’s nice,” Simon replied.

Wille puttered around, setting the thermos on his desk and taking his shoes off. Simon eventually caught up and kicked off his own shoes. Wille took his scarf off, then his wool coat, then his gloves. Simon simply shrugged off his coat and hat, throwing them on the ground by the door.

“Do you still want to?” Wille asked, nodding towards the bed. Simon nodded and walked forward.

“The usual?” Wille joked.

Simon didn’t know what to say to that, but as they lay down chest to back, and as Wille’s warm arms snaked around his middle, relief washed over him. He took a deep breath in, and then another. In his core, Simon still felt a bone deep chill, and he shivered from head to toe, a wave passing through him.

“Are you cold?” Wille asked.

He didn’t know. Wille felt warm against him, but the window was drafty, and Simon really should’ve worn another layer.

“A little bit.” They sat up so Wille could pull the duvet from under them. He looked up at Simon as he did it, and in a flash, it hit Simon that something had shifted. They had shared a bed together, sure, but that felt nearly clinical. He didn’t know Wille, he still didn’t, but somehow this was a thousand times more intimate. The light, faintly sweet smell of linens and Wille, all strange and familiar, hit him.

Fuck it.

Simon climbed into the sheets, Wille still eyeing him, unmoving.

“You coming?” Simon asked. Wille blinked, then cleared his throat, snapping out of it.

“Yeah, sorry.” Wille shuffled, pulling his socked feet under the covers. Suddenly Simon felt warm, head to toe, so warm that it likely was showing. Wille had laid all the way down, his head on the soft pillows. “Do you want to turn around, like before?”

Simon didn’t have the words, but looking at Wille with his soft sheets and softer face made him itch to be closer, not caring so much that Wille would see him. They were still just looking at each other. Simon slowly shook his head.

“Come here.” Wille spoke so softly Simon could barely hear him. He invited Simon in, stretching his arm out, and Simon curled up right where he was invited. He settled where Wille’s collar bone met his sternum. If there was some kind of decorum to this, Simon was sure they were breaking it, and he was alarmed that he didn’t care in the slightest.

“Is this okay?” he asked Wille.

Above him, Wille nodded. “More than okay.”

Simon sighed into it. As they lay there, Simon felt they were paving over the parts of him that had been run over. The parts that were twisted up tight, like a faucet turned hopelessly to the right, long before Linus and long before his first heartbreak. He felt small, and for the first time in a long time, in a good way. And Simon could live with that.

[i-politely-disagree]

Sprace- Call

MODERN AU TW: Swearing??

(I've never posted on here lol)

Spot cringed as his phone call was answered. Usually, it just went straight to the far too familiar  “Hi it’s Racetrack! Don’t leave a message!” voicemail to hurt him even more with the fact that he was either blocked, or Race was declining all his calls. A harsh ‘What do you want?’ may not have been ideal, but Spot still smiled softly at the sound of his ex’s voice.

"Hey…Race," He started. The same words he had said almost every day a month ago. Throwing his bag down as he got back from work, striking up conversations at 2 a.m even though they both needed to be up early, Starting a call much like this one if anything happened. "Do you still have my white shirt with the sleeves?" 

When Race’s phone displayed Spot’s caller ID, he didn’t know what to expect. Maybe yelling, maybe an explanation that it was a dare, or maybe some tearful confession about how his love never died. Anything with more emotion than requesting an old shirt.

“Um… I’ll look around.” The conversation was too stiff, too formal. Race fiddled with the cuffs of the white shirt that definitely wasn’t Spot’s (it was) that he was wearing and paced around the couch he slept on. 

“What do you need it for?”

He’d never admit it, but Race missed Spot more than he could tell. Hearing his voice again was painful, but something to feel. He had been a mess the last month, living with his best friend, missing sleep and working his ass off to help pay the rent when it was paying the rent that got him into this mess. Spot had walked out after the topic of money had come up, only after many anger-clouded words had been thrown between him and Race. Just thinking about it, Race could taste the regret and adrenaline and feel the knot of codependency tighten as it had done that night when he realized how alone and helpless he was. Even though he hadn’t anticipated a break-up, it wasn’t like Race was expecting-

“A wedding,” Spot answered coldly and quickly. Dwelling on love around him wasn’t going to help him swallow the lump in his throat.

He regretted walking out every day. He knew deep down, that he could’ve walked back in at any moment with nothing fixed, another argument ignored, but weeks passed and Race lost the apartment he could only afford with Spot’s help. Spot lost the one stable thing in his life, the one person he felt like he could talk to, the stupidity, wittiness, energy and affection that came with Race and he missed it more than he was willing to admit. He knew it was his chance to salvage any scraps of a relationship but didn’t know how to begin. 

“I’m sorry.” It was a struggle to force the words out of his mouth, but Spot managed to sound a lot more stable than he felt. 

Race’s reply was so emotionless it hurt. No sadness, not even a quiver in his voice, no hope. Just a bland question reminding Spot he’d made more than enough mistakes;

“About what?” 

“Um, This. Calling you, acting like nothing’s happened, acting like I don’t care.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone and Spot knew he would have to address the elephant in the room.

“...And leaving. I was- I am so stupid for walking out. It sounds pathetic but I didn’t mean any of the things I said. I really lo- I really loved you.” 

Race’s soft smile threatened to fall at the use of past tense.  His mind tried to object, but a smirk tugged at his lips and words crawled out.

“You miss me.”  He observed, a mix of teasing and astonishment now unmistakable in his voice

“No, I just really want my shirt,” Spot said sarcastically, rolling his eyes as if Race could see him over the phone.  “Yes, I fucking miss you.”

Spot hated himself for giving in that easily. But at the same time, he knew lying wasn’t going to get him anywhere or anyone for that matter.

Warm hope bloomed through Race at the less-than-heartfelt confession, sudden longing for the one person he thought he’d never be allowed to long for again. A million hazy emotions flew through his mind but he couldn’t articulate everything he was feeling and couldn’t force every heavy sentiment through the phone. He needed to know this was genuine before pouring his heart out. 

Spot’s finger was over the ‘End Call’ button when Race interrupted their silence, “But you said-”

“I said a lot of things,” Spot cut him off, “We both did. But I’d bet this month's rent you didn’t mean half of it.” 

Race wanted to object, but it was true. He hadn’t meant anything close. And while he prayed to every god that he wouldn’t regret it again, heavy words slid off his tongue;

“I miss you too. But look, we can’t just…go back to whatever we had a month ago.”

“Bad communication and not-yet-healed commitment issues?”

Race exhaled deeply, “Yeah, that. But I can’t- I mean- I’ve got your shirt. Please just come and get it so we can at least talk in person.” 

Spot running down apartment stairs full speed to reunite with his ex-boyfriend was probably something countless medical professionals would advise against but, quite frankly, he was more than willing to break a wrist or two for another shot. He managed a couple of breathless words that were essentially just ‘See you soon’ before falling into his car in a haze of nerves and emotions pretty damn close to excitement. Serious conversations weren’t his forté but were better than a familiar voicemail.

[swmmi-kti]

Lay Me Down For One Last Time

Sanemi Shinazugawa X Fem reader

TW: Angst, Sanemi doesnt live fellow queens sorry

Dni/Dnf

You had known since you had met Sanemi That he was doomed to die eventually. As tragic as it seemed and how he explained all he did you never fully could fathom believing it. You Were a former kakushi and truly you had never thought you'd ever come close to being near a hashira. And yet....

Yet both of you lost a lot and gained so much. A Family and the loss of loved ones. You could remember it clear as day. Coming in with the rest of everyone to say goodbye to your life that you had grown to enjoy. Shedding the face covering as you stare at the pile of clothes , Staring intensely that it caught attention.

"Thinking" A gruff and almost horse voice says and it makes you startle as you turn. White hair and bandages. all you could see beside the dark contrast of purple eyes staring deep into your soul.

"oh...yeah haha...i guess i just never thought id live to i guess live the day i never have to work as a kakushi...gosh does that makes sense" You say rubbing your neck as your hair clings to your forehead covered in sweat from the heat

"ah yes. I never thought i'd actually live to see the day that we defeat Muzan" He says in that same almost pained voice as he tries to sit down beside you. You hear the tell signs of bones aching and look at him a bit surprised he's even sitting next to you

"Guess life is funny like that huh?"

You could not recall ever stopping the chatter with him. From that day onward it was like a comfort routine to hold onto a sense of normalcy. To see him recover to know all he's done. In a way to be acknowledged for all you did on the sidelines.

You could never deny your admiration for the Hashira, Truly you were saddened by the fact only three Pillars had survived, yet two doomed to die so young.

When you fell for Sanemi you could never recall. Especially how he had seemed to have mellowed out over the time he had to relax How his tired eyes still crinkle when he smiles. Perhaps is how every moment he gets he takes time to say the names of every fallen loved one he lost.

Genya, You had heard that name countless of times. How he got the tiniest bit of tears in his waterline as he spaced out. Those moments were bad. Often holding his hand to ground him, letting him have the time he needs to come back from the shell shock he had undergone for years. possibly even more.

You remember how he held your hand in those moments squeezing tight enough to hurt but always kissing your knuckles when they ended up hurt by his big hand.

How he let his cheek rest on the back of your hand. How he whispered soft 'sorry's

Oh how your heart yearned for his.

"Before Miss Amane had... well She had warned if I made my Mark appear my life would be shortened significantly"

You nod at him as you lean just a bit closer to him "how old would you be?"

He remains quiet far too long for your own comfort "I love you" He says almost like a whisper.

You can feel the wind around you picking up. Sanemi saw the twinkle of your eyes as you let out just a small gasp but not too startled as you lean closer to him

You knew then what he meant....not long at all

"I Mean it Y/n. I Truly to love you, I Guess i never saw myself having anything to my life but fighting demons, Now that i dont have to worry about life and death i want more." He says looking at you and you let yourself be sweet talked. He made your heart swell with adoration

You can feel his hand on your cheek as you rest gently on it. sighing as you look at him to continue

"I realize i want a wife. I want someone by my remaining side. Even have a kid if i can. I know i wasted my time here constantly fighting every day and never thinking of anything else but.."

"Dont ever say you wasted your time here Sanemi! You fought for the betterment of mankind and for that you must never say you wasted it!" Your voice is hard, much line a mother scolding her kid

"oh how my heart yearns for you And I have never loved anyone else but Gods do I love you...I love you. Need you so badly and want you so desperately it makes me furious you aren't mine. I want you there during my mornings and there on my painful nights. Lay me down my tomb so long as it's your soft hands doing so"

You remember the first kiss. the feeling of his lips on yours. When he held your face so softly it made your heart flutter even more, recall the way his hands grace your hair and you cant help but feel your heart flutter even now thinking about it.

The simplicity of love is so magical and so delicate, Thinking about it all makes you forget the impending feeling of sorrow that has followed you for the last year.

And Why should you? Why does it follow you. You've just had your first born no less than four months ago now, his little fingers curled around his father's large index finger too. Tiny thumb being sucked as Sanemi looks at you.

"Sanemi, i believe our Efforts have paid off" You say as your hands find your plate to sit down and eat next to your husband

Remembering the love he has for you as you sit and wait for him to raise his head "What efforts?"

"Well You know Having a kid and such" You try to play off. as you take your chopsticks in hand to eat, hearing the tell tale signs of choking and wood splintering

You try to stifle a laugh as you see him recover almost splashing his face with the water he downs as he turns to you with eyes as large as disks " Are you? Are you implying?"

"oh i'm not implying my dear, i'm telling you a fact here we will have a small little one in a few months time if everything goes to plan of course" You reply as you can feel his arms wrap around your waist. ignoring the rest of his meal as he lays on your lap and brings an ear onto your stomach

Your hand raking his hair as you hum while you eat. It seemed that finally you will have more to Sanemi than himself. and for once you couldn't wait.

But that was then and this is now. You knew about the curse, you knew about it and the world is so cruel. Not only to know you will lose Sanemi. But To have made it near impossible to conceive for two years and finally when you do it leaves only a few months for Sanemi to be a father.

Only so long for your child to be held in his father's embrace. So little time so cruel. It Made you cry at night when you slept close to them. When you say Sanemi's hand reach out to your child's tiny hand, when Sanemi kept his hand on his tiny chest to ensure he is breathing.

You cry because you know your child will never know Sanemi and Sanemi will only get to enjoy the toddler phase. Only get to enjoy the tiny moments and never get to experience him growing. Never see him walk, talk lose his first tooth.

The Day draws closer and you are so afraid of it ever approaching, and yet you try to enjoy it.

Try to enjoy the Remaining days as you see Sanemi blow raspberries into his tiny tummy, Watching Sanemi change his clothes and nappies and fed him when he could.

You knew why and it hurt your heart so, Constantly holding to him and you watch intently and try to gain as much affection from him as you possibly could.

From morning to night you watched as Sanemi enjoyed your little tot

And until you lay down your babe you lay your head on his shoulder "....are you scared?"

He stays quiet as his finger traces your son's chubby cheeks. "No, i enjoyed my time here, i served a good life, have an amazing wife and a child"

You nod as you hold his hand "you'll wait for me on the other side right?" asking carefully as you look at him

"You never even have to ask. For you i will wait forever and a day should you want to keep me waiting haha" Seeing him laugh as he looks at you makes you realize You really did have the nicest Husband in all the world.

"You know.... it's unfair our little Genya won't even know you" You say as you lay next to him as your hand remains on his chest. He chuckles as he looks at the ceiling before back to you

"I guess Both my Genya's never had the greatest Sanemi huh?"

"I wouldn't say that" You laugh as you kiss his forehead. Watching his eyes close and begin to sleep. Your hand remains on his chest and you watch intensely as the time ticks by

Each breath is slower than the last, and you gulp down the lump on your throat as you feel the half of your heart leave. The Half you will never have again.

Sanemi Shinazugawa was a great swordsman. A Great honorable man, A Great brother A great husband an Amazing Father...But Most importantly he is a great story

[haitaniqueen]

Love is the death of peace of mind

Pairing: Ran Haitani x reader

Tags/Warnings: Romance, Angst, mutual pinning, second chance romance, soul mates, forbidden love, Ranwasashittyboyfriend, toxicteenRan, Bonten, Bonten canon violence, organized crime violence canon -blood, guns, alcohol, drugs consumption, etc-, all characters aged up

Summary: Ran had been exposed to violence since he was a toddler; his grandfather was a retired yakuza who had taught his grandchildren how cruel the world can be. That's why, after meeting you, he felt a deep desire to protect you... And he tried so hard, hoping that any mistakes might be fixed later... 'Fuckin' idiot!', how could he dared to believe he deserved someone like you...? And why after all these years couldn't he let you go...?

The plane landed in British Columbia almost nine hours after leaving Tokyo. It was his first time there, but he wasn’t excited about it.

I made another mistake, thought I could change

Thought I could make it out

This was his sixth trip of the month, Ran hate being in charge of Bonten’s “public relations.” But Kokonoi and Takeomi, those damn business strategists, had found the perfect mix of charm, manipulation, and psychopathy in Him, and truth to be told, he had managed all the deals in wich He had been involved in so far.

He popped a couple of pills into his mouth as he lazily ran his fingers along the edge of the vehicle’s window.

The area around Vancouver was similar to the Fifth Avenue in New York—at least that’s what he thought. Actually he hadn’t really paid much attention on that trip.

All the American dealers were loud and flashy, and as soon as the deal was closed, the dealers kicked off an enormous party filled with alcohol, drugs, sex, and debauchery. It’s not that he complained at all about the hospitality of his buyers, but this was just a repeat of the missions in Germany, Spain, and Thailand...

He just missed his life as a hitman. With a gun on his hip and his brothers -Rindou and now Sanzu-, by his side.

“That’s the Black & Blue,” Shion said.

“Huh?”

“The restaurant you asked about,” Shion repeated, he was Ran's bodyguard “There’s a Cartier a block or two away. You wanted to buy something, didn’t you?”

“Mmm… maybe after the meeting,” Ran sighed, waiting for the pills to kick in. The midday sunlight hurt his eyes, a fuckin' migraine was coming on

“You haven’t slept, right?”

“No... damn, I’m 28 and I feel like 50.”

“Like a typical millennial,” his old gangmate laughed.

“Typical me? You fuckin id..." Ran lower his voice as he watched a young woman walk past the black vehicle.

Years had passed, but there she was, just a few meters away. He knew her like the back of his hand—or maybe even better. Sure, her hair and face had changed, but instead of hiding her, it just made her more visible to him.

His heart raced in a way no drug had ever made him feel. He could hear his heart racing as that young woman walked carefree, with her long hair flowing freely in the breeze.

She turned for a moment towards the avenue where the vehicle was stopped, and Ran felt his throat tighten, as if he were running out of air.

It was her. A stupid Bonten mission had led him to her.

“Kokonoi is furious.”

“Mmm.”

“And Mikey wants an explanation.”

“I’ll have that meeting tomorrow. Just reschedule it.”

“You’ve never done this before.”

“I know,” Rindou rolled his eyes

“And? Explain me why the hell you did this…”

“I was high, and I threw up in the damn car” Ran chuckled, feeling embarrassed about his confession

“You’re joking, right?” Rin asked, pinching the bridge of his nose as he realized that his brother’s pale face wasn’t just from the hotel room light

“No, you can ask Shion. I threw up in Him too…”

“That’s fuckin disgusting” the younger brother shook his head, laughing quietly, but still uncomfortable with the answer. “What else?”

“Mmm?”

“I’m not idiot. I know you.”

“I…” Ran bit his lip, and Rindou could see the doubt in his eyes. “I think… no, I… I found Y/N.”

Rindou almost dropped the phone.

Ran had made him swear never mention that name again—there was no exception to that. It didn’t matter that the girl had grown up with them, or how much his older brother had loved her and how, after she left, it seemed like a part of him had emotionally shut down.

“Y/N?”

“I need you to help me find information about her. I want to know what she’s doing here.”

“Ran…” Rindou hesitated for a moment, looking at the blank expression on his brother’s face. “I won’t help until you tell me...”

“I need to see her… I just want to see her.”

“Ran”

“I want to know she did well, that she moved on, that she’s happy,” Ran whisper in such a quiet voice that it was obvious how hard it was for him say that

“Did you have something to do with…?” Rindou asked after a long silence between them. He wasn’t sure if he even wanted to hear the answer.

"Before the Kanto Incident, we argued... we had fought more often... one afternoon I saw her with Hanma, and I didn't even give her a chance to explain... I-I just remember that I was high and both of us was yelling each other...'' Rindou gulped listening how hard was for his brother to articulate the words, he wanted to ask him to stop, but it also seemed like the older one needed to get it out "And you know she was so impulsive... She pushed me and... I hit her with the baton..."

"You what?"

"When I realized she was on the ground trying to protect herself... I had broken her arm and she had blood gushing from her arm, staining her clothes and hee face... And when I stopped, she looked me in the eyes and said 'it was an accident'... I couldn't handle that... I felt so disgusted with myself for what I had done to her, but also I feel so disgusted by her" Ran took out another cigarette as he looked out the window, unable to face his brother, he know how much Rin loved Y/N.

"I just... I forced her to get up and took her out of the house... I-I didn't want to see her cry and I was so afraid that you will be able to see what I did to her" His voice crack and he had to make a great effort to continue "when we were arrested in Kanto...I called her father... I reminded him who The Haitani Brother’s was and what We did... I accused her of betraying us and warned Him that if He didn't hide her under the ground, We would find her" He said with a grimace taking out a new cigarette "I made it clear to him that the bitch wasn't going to leave, that I wouldn't allow it... and also after a couple of years... I used Terano's death as a reminder of that promise to him"

"Ran..."

"She was not going to leave me, Rin," he growled, throwing the whiskey glass. "I realized it when we looked at each other... When she said 'it was an accident', it was not for me she was saying that to herself... I couldn’t risk her, never, I love her, I mean... you know I loved her"

Maybe for the first time in his life, Rindou hate his brother. For hurting his best friend, for copying their father’s violent behavior, and mostly for hiding it from him for so long and carrying the weight of his mistake alone.

"I’ll do it," Rindou said, unsure. "But only after you leave Vancouver. Not before."

[ticklingheart]

. × (Not so off) day off

pairing : nurse/caretaker!reader × spencer reid

genre : fluff / just how reader and spencer met, lol

content warning: mentions of Alzheimer's and schizophrenia, mentions of medicine

summary : It's your day off, which usually means you are not getting called into work. But when you do get called, it's not like you have the option to say no.

a/n : watched the episode where spence was trying to find a nurse/caretaker for him mom (11?12?×12) and immediately thought that it could be such a cute way to meet spencer, lolll, anyways, hope you enjoy it.

! english is not my first language ¡

It was a cold afternoon, which were your favorites, especially on your day off. You were sitting on your couch, book in hand, and a hot coffee just waiting to be drank. You were trying to read since you were just running your eyes through the words and not actually internalizing them. You realize it way too late and were about to restart the paragraph when your phone rings. Checking the ID of the caller, you see your boss's name. Why on earth would your boss call on the afternoon of your first day off in weeks?

You pick up with a confused "hello," but your boss interrupts you. You weren't exactly paying attention until you heard the words "go to the address I sent you, now."

It was your first day off, and you were not, at all, not even a little bit, in the mood to go to work. You even consider asking if anyone else could do it, but, unfortunately for you, you also weren't exactly in the position to challenge or disagree in the slightest with your boss.

So, with a "Yes, sir. I'll be there" you hang up the call, and, in special agony, you get up from the cozy, warm spot in your couch, placing the book where you were sitting. You'll have your actual complete day off eventually. Not now, though.

After a quick shower and change of clothes, you walk out of your apartment, checking your phone for the address your boss sent you, and thank whoever is out there for it not being too far from your workplace and home.

After stopping by at work to clock in and get what you needed to go over to the address, you get to the place you were supposed to be.

You knock on the door once. No response. So you knock again, praying that there was actually no one so you could just go back home.

Suddenly, a tall, handsome man opens the door for you. You analyze his appearance quickly: brown colored hair falling ever so slightly in his face, a professional work outfit, and a tired look.

- Hi. - you introduce yourself, and he does too. You wal inside in a shy step, noticing a certain disorganization. Nothing you weren't used to.

— Sorry about the mess, we had a little accident this morning. - he says with an apologetic look, guiding you over to where his mother, your possible future patient, was seated on the couch.

— It's okay, Dr. Reid, accidents happen. Hi, Diana. - you introduce yourself to her, not expecting a fancy or coherent response, and you weren't certainly surprised when she got up and just left. Her son, Dr. Reid, starts apologizing, but you interrupt him. – Don't worry, this kind of interactions happen, there are days and days. We could talk, or would you prefer for me to come back another time?

He runs a hand through his hair, deciding to talk.

— We should start with the basics then. What kind of medicine is she taking?

Reid proceeds to talk about his mother's conditions, and how it progressed over time. Nothing way out of the ordinary, also presenting his mom's medicine, which were pretty standard for the treatment of Alzheimers and schizophrenia.

— Well, Dr. Reid, I think we're done here. I would be happy to show up tomorrow.

— Really? - he questioned, genuinely surprised, murmuring 'thank yous' with an unexpected hug. His arms were warm, cozy even. It didn't last long, as Reid apologized and walked you out. You were definitely coming back.

[pahtoosh]

my baby

[image ID: a gif of Sebastian Stan jokingly grabbing Chris Evans’ pectoral. /.end ID]

masterlist

18+

wc: 970 words

warnings: fluff. lots of touching and kisses. the word "you" used in every sentence oh dear. i have just realized that i do this in every fic and is something i need to work on!!

a/n: oh my goodness i said i would post this 5 days ago and i simply did not

pairing: daddy!stucky x gn!little!reader (Dada = Steve, Baba = Bucky, Daddies = both Steve and Bucky)

summary: your daddies need to learn how to share

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ

The three of you had just been through a very long week and you were such a well-behaved baby through it all. Steve and Bucky decided to spoil you with a movie night. These events were few and far in between, both of your daddies agreeing that little babies should not have too much screen time. 

Tonight you wanted to watch Piglet’s Big Movie. The adorable pink character and his lovely friends were so silly, always bringing you comfort. 

The stress of the week had done a number on you, but luckily you had two adoring caregivers who had no plans other than giving you their full and undivided attention tonight. Steve and Bucky sat next to each other on the deep couch, with you sitting on Bucky’s lap and holding Steve’s hand. 

One of the things that they loved the most about being your caregivers was the physical affection. They were so used to using their bodies and strength for fighting. Before you, they rarely felt this level of peace and love from a single touch. They had each other, of course, but your sweet, gentle touch was something neither of them could replicate. And they were no match for your excited kisses whenever they came back from a mission. 

Bucky pressed a kiss to your head or shoulder every now and then. How could he resist with you sitting so sweetly in his lap? You squeezed Steve’s hand a few times throughout the movie. Not so much on purpose, Piglet getting in trouble just made you so nervous. Whenever he felt the squeeze, Steve gently rubbed his thumb along your hand. 

Toward the end of the movie, FRIDAY interrupted to say that dinner was delivered. Bucky volunteered to get the food and gently placed you in Steve’s lap. Steve couldn’t hide his excited smile at getting his turn to hold you. 

He enveloped you in his big, warm arms and landed a few kisses on your cheek as you got comfortable in his lap. You giggled from the kisses. 

“Dada, stop! Is movie time!” 

Steve paused his kissing and pouted out his lip, copying what you did whenever you didn’t get your way. “Can’t a Dada kiss his baby when he wants to? Especially when this baby has been so good lately and looks so cute?”

He pouted again and gave you puppy eyes. 

“Okay,” you agreed. You held up your index and middle finger. “Two more kisses, Dada. Then movie.”

You secretly wanted more kisses, but you were practicing your bossy voice. 

Steve took his time placing one kiss on each cheek and then let you watch in peace. 

A few minutes later, Bucky came back with the food and placed it into the oven to keep it warm. He sat back down on the couch and opened his arms towards you. 

“Okay, give me my baby back.”

Steve raised his eyebrows. “Your baby?”

“Yes, my baby. Give me my baby back.”

Steve tilted your and his bodies so you pointed ever so slightly away from Bucky. “I’m not sure what you mean, but this is my baby I’m holding here and they’re staying right where they are.”

You held both hands over your mouth, trying to keep in your giggles. You didn’t want to stop the play fight they were having right now. Your daddies could be so silly and stubborn sometimes. 

Bucky and Steve noticed you enjoyed this and kept going to hear your giggles.

Bucky leaned forward and furrowed his brow. “This little angel is my baby.”

“No, this little sweetheart is my baby.”

“Mine.”

“Mine.”

“Mine!”

Steve jutted out his chin, “Who did my baby run to first at the park last week?”

“That’s only because you were ahead of me!”

“Well, maybe I ran faster because I love them more than you do.”

“Oh you little pun-“

“Stop! Stop, Daddies!” You wiggled out of Steve’s lap and placed your hands on both of their arms. They broke their intense staring contest to pay attention to you, a slightly amused expression on their faces. “Am baby for two you! Dada’s baby and Baba’s baby.” You moved their arms so you could sit in both of their laps at once.

“Aww is that right?” Bucky placed his arm around you and Steve. He kissed your temple. “Baba’s sorry for getting his little baby all worked up.”

“Dats okay, Baba. Know you just love me.” You rewarded his apology by snuggling into his embrace. 

“Dada’s sorry too,” Steve began. “I was just jealous because Baba got to hold you for the whole movie!” He wrapped his arm around you, subtly moving you away from Bucky’s lap. 

You didn’t notice Steve’s sneaky behavior. “Dats okay, Dada. We just have to share!”

Bucky did notice. “Hey you’re stealing my little angel away from me again!”

Before they could start another argument, you put your hands around Bucky’s face, copying his strict Baba mode. “Is Dada’s turn to hold me! We snuggle tonight okay, Baba?”

“Promise, Angel?” he pouted.

You nodded vigorously and sealed the promise with a kiss. That night, you finished the movie(Steve nearly cried at the end) and had the most delicious dinner. Your daddies worked together to get the three of you ready for bedtime. One of them would be in the shower while the other helped you with your bubble bath or brushing your teeth and putting on jammies. You gave Bucky his bedtime snuggles as promised and Steve had FRIDAY turn off the lights after you were all tucked in. 

“Night night, Baba. Night night, Dada.”

“G’night, Angel. Night, Stevie.”

“Sweet dreams, Angel. Night, Buck.”

You all got cozy and tried to fall asleep, but your Baba had a question.

“So why did you run to Dada first at the park?”

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃

likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated!

[funnyscienceman]

Ok but like WHYY did ubisoft have to insist with the one game a year thing. Why couldnt they let syndicate cook in the oven more. Why do they have THREE queer men in the same game and not do ANYTHING with them!!!

Like yes, yes, i get it, i get wanting to for once make a story in a fun setting where you dont have to think about real life prejudice and hardships and bigotry and just have characters be silly, i love that too. I do! And id be all for that if doing it just didnt waste a potentially banger study of the characters and the setting ;-;

Like god i go back and forth on this constantly. I already love syndicate as it is, i think it's fun and neat and the happy gaming vibes about it is core to its identity, it's just that simultaneous to that, three queer men in the same game!!!

like GOD im still miffed that there are only, like, two or three fics about this, and so far i havent found any discussion or anything of it, but oh my god how different all three of them are from each other. You could do so much just with having any of them in the same room — and they are often enough in the same room (jacob and either ned or roth at a time), but nothing's really done there!

we have roth who sees fcking nothing wrong with getting kids hurt, because he doesnt actually care about anyone or anything, he's just some fucking joker wannabe that yeah, sure, probably has some anger and resentment at society because he's a gay man in his 40s or 50s by now, but jesus fucking christ retaliation against homophobia does not equal rampant needless unproductive violence roth!!!

then we have ned, who — i mean he doesnt ever give his opinion on whether kids deserve any respect or anything but considering in every other department he's pretty much just Some Guy, it'd be fair to assume he also has the extremely average stance of 'dont fcking kill kids and dont blow up buildings for no good reason??' in the grand scheme of the templar-assassin stuff he has just about as much relevance as roth: roth was just the boss of the blighters, ned just finances the fryes by virtue of them working for him. He probably doesnt even know about it, and tbh i dont even know if he'd care??? But like i imagine roth doesnt care in the way of 'as long as you dont get in my way, it's all set dressing,' ned i imagine would be smth like 'are yall fckin serious? are you kidding me rn? i have to skirt around transphobes on a daily basis, now youre telling me there's a secret society on top of that with even worse ideas?? What the fuck???'

like uh, not caring about it as in 'I cant deal with this rn i need a nap'

HE'S JUST AN EXTREMELY REGULAR PERSON (besides the crime lord stuff) IS WHAT IM GETTING AT.

then there's jacob, who's the youngest out of these guys btw, fckin 21 good god he should be at the club not trying to disassemble systemic oppression— ANYWAY

(ned is 27-28 over the course of the game, btw; we dont actually have a solid timeline for anything, just the year, so tbh jacob could've also been 20 and not 21 yet during the game. both he and ned have late birthdays, just a month apart)

so, yknow, being extremely early 20-somethings, both frye twins just take a train to london completely on impulse and dive headfirst into undoing the templars that've had an iron grip over the city for basically as long as they've been alive, yknow, as you do; and throughout the game jacob has to deal with goddamn daddy issues and fighting with his sister and insecurity and trying to be an assassin — and that's a lot for a guy to handle!! Especially one who's still just a couple years out of being a teenager! That's a fucking lot and if the devs are right, then he hasnt even realized that he's bi yet! Not until roth fucking kisses him while jacob's got a knife in his throat for the aforementioned indiscriminate, unproductive violence!

i mean, granted, yeah there were gay undertones during sequence 8, but i have to admit my bias here because i honest to god cannot take those missions seriously. Roth fucking preaches this and that about freedom and whatnot and then im plopped into the mission and it's the most rule-heavy shit ive ever seen in my short life as an assassin's creed player. Like what the hell, those missions were atrocious. Apprently i need to detonate the bombs a specific way, i cant just shoot them from a distance, i have to hold a button crouching down right next to the bombs, and then run the hell away! I have to avoid THIS and THAT while kidnapping xyz! Like there's freddy's apprehend missions and then there's THIS.

at least with ned's missions all you have to do is get the shit and go… i'm still salty that ubisoft cut his questline because they fucking insist on releasing a game a year >:((

my battery's dying. All these guys are different flavors of queer on top of just being pretty different and pretty similar in various ways, and there's just… barely anything about it. Ned especially, since he's just a quest giver whose screentime totals to, like, 2-5 minutes. I just wish they really did more with the setting; not just the queerness and these three specifically, but like, evie, henry, the class conflict — like there are shreds of it, seeds, but there's not much before you kill starrick and credits roll :((

idk. im just gonna refresh ao3 again cjemddjekjx

[bisexualmcqueen]

Twerk I love your art so much, I missed it so much 😭😭!! You've progressed so much and I literally love all of the detail you put into your pieces like holy cow???

Also what drawing platform do you use, and do you still do art streams? (Because I'd love to come watch them again 🥹🫶)

HI STORMIEE

this is so nice im losing it 😭💖thakn you 🥺

i missed my cars art too fr, but i finally went on my inevitable furry art training arc 💪 i return rejuvenated!!

youre right, i looked back at some of my really old stuff recently and its crazy how far ive come. i always feel like i progress wayyyy slower than most artists (i am a hobbyist after all), so being able to finally see improvement with hindsight is such a gift. my only art goals are to be able to communicate my ideas in a way that makes me happy- any improvement is a very useful bonus XD. im very glad you agree, and even happier that you noticed.

oo!! software!! this is a good question, because it's changed since i was last drawing cars!! [still using a pc + my little 2009 wacom pentablet. im shocked it hasnt died yet.] i swapped over to Clip Studio Paint fulltime in 2022 [previously used SAI2]. i had a weird living situation for a while and had to use my ipad for a time, and i got soooo sick of the limitations of procreate that i swapped to CSP. i realized it was time to put on my big boy pants and dig in to learn more complicated software, and im very glad i took the time to do so. i wasnt able to draw nearly as much as id like in 2022-23, but in april-may 2024, i spent time reorganizing my CSP on my PC with custom brushes/materials/tool settings, a custom workflow, custom color palettes, custom hotkeys, and then training to relearn the muscle memory for efficient, uninterrupted work with the new setup. by july i was back to drawing comfortably. CSP has opened many doors for creative freedoms with its capabilities. i cannot recommend it enough. (also, ive gotten bigger on references. another pleasant inevitability.)

art streams! ...i actually havent done any in years, because of the aforementioned weird living situation. i totally fell out of the habit. i used to stream fairly regularly to twitch, picarto, and discord, but alas. (nowadays, once in a while ill sit in discord with a screenshare open, if my old CPU doesnt scream and wail at me too much and crash the stream that is. i could look into doing discord screenshares in the cars server again perhaps?)

thank you again for the kind words <3 !!

[bonefall]

Could a more advanced clan use tar as a glue replacement? It's made using wood from what I heard.

It's possible, but only for an advanced Clan. It might even be a little beyond what BB cats are capable of.

What you're thinking of is probably birch pitch, though pine can be used as well. Birch is better though, it makes a finer tar, but if you have English Clans they may want to use pine pitch because it's one of the few uses for the detested sitka.

(Also "pitch" tends to refer to more viscous material, where "tar" refers to thinner, more watery liquids.)

There's two things that makes it hard to collect. First, and most importantly,

TREE OIL IS FULL OF PHENOL. Your cats CANNOT breathe in the smoke or aroma that's going to be produced by making this. It is a deadly, toxic gas to cats. In humans, we're so resistant to this that we've used it as an antiseptic, dumped it right into our wounds. Cats CANNOT ingest or smell this without getting sick. Phenol causes a LOT of poisonings because of the popularity of essential oil.

Think of it as the kitty equivalent of lead paint. We used it for years because it's cheap, easy, and works good... and never realized that it was lead in the water and walls giving people brain damage.

And, secondly, what also keeps it hard to get is that it needs to undergo dry distillation. Basically, it needs to be sweated out of the wood, drained, and then processed a second time..

So only a Clan that has FIRE and POTTERY SKILLS will be able to do this. At bare minimum, you will need THREE POTS and CONTINUOUSLY BURNING KINDLE. Here's a basic diagram for you;

[ID: 3 pots, labelled and color coded. Pot 1, the green pot on top, has a lid. It rests inside of Pot 2, which is the largest one and has fire burning inside it. Pot 3 is purple and underground, below the others.]

Pot 1 and Pot 2 have holes cut in the bottom, for the liquid to leak out. This could work with just flowerpots, but historically, special structures are made for this purpose so you collect all the oil.

Also protip stand the bark upright and against the sides of the pot, not laying flat down. This isn't a sauna, stand up birch.

ONCE YOU'VE DONE THIS, YOU HAVE OIL. You do NOT have tar or pitch yet. The liquid you have collected is OIL.

Oil can be used as a water-repellant when applied to leather and wood, a heavy-duty cleaning agent (but watch out), and birch oil specifically can repel gastropods.

So now we need to turn that oil into pitch. This is the most dangerous part for a Clan cat, as it involves a LOT of smoke. If your Clan could make a gas mask, it would be helpful here

[ID: A cat with a gas mask sits next to a burning pit with toxic smoke rising out of it. Like the diagram above, Pot 1 is green and nestled within Pot 2, which is red and contains fire.]

Oil is reduced to pitch through evaporating the moisture out. Toxic fumes are BILLOWING out during this entire process, and there is a point in this process where you've gone too far and just burnt it into useless carbon.

So if your cats can create a gas mask then that's very helpful. Otherwise... you'd better do this on a windy day.

(I made this mask based on the P-helm of WW1 and Plague Doctor masks, feel free to run with it... but you will need Glassworking Skills unlocked for it, something BB cats don't have.)

Once you've done this, you have pitch or tar, depending on the thickness you reduced it to. This can be used for MANY things, and is the best adhesive that Clan cats could naturally access. It's especially useful for weaponry, keeping blades on shafts or sticking extenders to claws, but it's also VERY useful for preserving leather and wood as well.

So as you can see, this is a pretty high-tier process! BB Cats will very, very rarely do this. I imagine it was briefly popular while they were trading with BloodClan, but fell back into disuse. As a water-repellent, they prefer beeswax.

[cloudysunflowr]

Hello, hello, I have a question I've been thinking about for your Deity AU. It seems the deity neighbors mostly have good/virtuous traits with their god status but is it possible they also represent bad or opposite things? The other side of the coin if you will. For example, Frank is a god of the mind, strategy, and archives but could that also mean that he could be a god of apathy, war, and destruction of history (be it purposeful or accidental like the burning of the Library of Alexandria if you will)? I kind of thought about this with that Mercy art you posted a while back with Aiden. I could see Franks hands in the background and wondered if push came to shove with the gods, would they become less...benevolent for a time (and I don't mean lashing out in a moment of anger if that makes sense)?

Hi hi!!

I cannot explain how excited this question makes me!

Tho I did need to think about it and how Id word it—

But Yes! Hehe, every deity has a side with its darker parts, going too far, not realizing sometimes! They understand and execute their representations well but they may not understand as times if they’ve done too much. They are not perfect.

With my ‘Mercy’ piece I did want to show the darker parts of what Aiden has to do and what Frank encourages him to do. Frank doesn’t like Aidens naiive merciful tactics at first. If they are a threat to you, to your home, eliminate it. Don’t be a fool.

Granted this ruthlessness does have its downsides (Aidens mercy gets him allies sometimes). Its about balance and thats a very hard thing to do even as a deity, especially when theyre still learning. I hope Im making sense…

Most of the gods are apathetic to mortals also. Especially those who don’t speak them or rarely do which show in their lack of feet or legs. They cannot put themselves in their shoes taken quite literally (ofcourse they can manifest them but like you get it)

All this to say, yes they represent the ‘bad’ side of their representations. Whether they try to prevent the happenings or they are actively doing it.

Small nugget tho, I can see the destruction of knowledge would be a huge insult to him. Especially if its from a protected land of his. That will get you his wrath.