#and bruce & jason obviously…

[quadrantadvisor]

Imagine if the GIW started gunning for Jason without the Batfam ever meeting Phantom. Like, Bruce has to figure out on his own that the guys in white suits with Lazarus guns are 1. a legitimate government agency, and 2. are perfectly within their rights to hunt Jason like an animal, because 3. there's secret government legislation that says that since Jason's body processes ectaplasm, he's classified as non-sapient and has no legal protections.

Bruce calling up Clark like

Bruce: I am currently in the process of breaking into a government facility in order to dismantle their operations.

Clark: Okay? Do you need... help?

Bruce: Yes.

Clark: Sure, I'll be right there.

Bruce: Not that kind of help. Oracle is sending you the files now. I'd like you and Ms. Lane to make these people wish they were never born.

Clark: [speed-reading the documents] Oh yeah, can do. This is truly disgusting. If the public is half as outraged as I am, we'll get this sorted as fast as the courts can manage.

So Clark Kent acts as a whistle-blower, the Justice League publicly condems the Anti-Ecto Acts as inhumane, the GIW is disbanded, and Batman gets pardoned for all of those crimes that he technically did by assaulting federal agents. And after all that gets sorted, some white haired kid pops up in the Watchtower like "haha thanks for that I really didn't want a war between Earth and the Infinite Realms" and the League are like "wait what"

[neptunezo]

The idea of the batkids scaring Bruce with “a new grandchild” to only show an animal is so funny to me, because imagine Bruce is so used to it that when Jason wants to introduce him to his new grandchild Bruce almost falls out of his chair when there’s an ACTUAL KID!

Dick: You’re a granddaddy now Brucie!!!

Bruce: WHAT?!? Who?? When??? How??? Actually don’t tell me how. Who is she??? When did she give birth???

Dick: What? No, meet my kid *holds up a cat* her name is biscuit and shes the love of my life!

—

Steph: Cass and I are adopting…

Bruce: Holy shit, actually???

Cass: Yes, it was a tough choice, but we want to adopt

Bruce: Do you need any help with paperwork and stuff? It’s kinda my thing. Also consider the fact that you might be too young.

Steph: Too young…?

Bruce: Yes, I mean you’re only in your 20’s, are you sure you can handle a kid?

Cass: Too young for an iguana?

—

Damian: It happened again, I have a kid.

Bruce: What do you mean AGAIN?!?

Damian: This is my second kid, duh

Bruce: Are you talking about goats?

Damian: Of course I am father

—

Tim: BRUCE YOU’RE GOING TO BE A GRANDFATHER!!!

Bruce: Tim I didn’t think I was going to have to tell you this again after the whole thing with Stephanie, but just kissing someone doesn’t get them pregnant

Tim:

Bruce: Is it a dog?

Tim: No it’s a tiger

—

Jason: I have something to tell you

Bruce(not looking up from his paperwork): Okay, what’s up?

Jason: I have a kid, I want you to meet your granddaughter

Bruce: I can’t possibly imagine what type of animal you’ve gotten, but I’d love to meet her

Jason: What the hell are you talking about?

Bruce (looking up to see an actual child): You actually have a kid????

Jason: Yeah, Roy and I thought it was time I adopted Lian

Lian: Hi Grandpa!!!

Bruce: I’m going to faint, grab me some ice will you?

[bruciemilf]

Harvey: Two reasons I’ll never cheat on your father. You know what they are?

Jason: Uh, because I’ll put a bullet in both your faces?

Harvey: That’s one.

Bruce: [Slams Bane into the ground so hard he bounces]

Harvey: That’s two.

[everwalldigan]

Jason Todd I fear

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

Jason hacks into Bruce’s comm when it becomes apparent that he cannot be trusted to keep his birds safe.

Whenever either Tim or Dick are in danger and Batman is nowhere in sight, Jason switches on his side of the audio line to provide mildly ominous commentary.

Bruce is sure his dead kid is haunting him.

[nelkcats]

Strange courtship gifts

The last thing anyone would expect is for the Joker to believe in the supernatural, but apparently Gotham was in luck, because the clown was about to make a deal with the King of all ghosts to revive his prized foe.

Said King was not happy about the request, nor did he care about the clown's feelings, but he knew it was a necessary evil. Or at least, that's what Clockwork told him; of course, Danny didn't intend to do anything for free.

The Joker got his wish, Bruce came back from the dead and Danny wondered what he should do with the clown's soul. With a shrug he decided to put it to the best possible use and wrapped it in a little bow before handing it over to Jason Todd.

Jason thought it was a joke, a cute guy giving him a gift out of nowhere and claiming that the frozen ball in his hand was the Joker's soul? Yeah, right.

However, John Constantine came through Gotham and it became obvious that it wasn't a joke and that the cute guy was more than just a regular guy. It also came with the feature that Bruce returned to the living, which made him strangely relieved.

And fuck, reckless or not, Jason needed to find the guy again and steal the air out of his lungs, because that weird ball was the best gift he'd ever been given in his life and it might as well be an engagement ring.

[the-purple-possum]

When I say I really want a Jason adopts tim fic, I don't mean I want him to become a parent at 19 to a teen like 2-4 years younger than him, I want Jason to meet Tim and decide that he wants Tim on his side.

I want Jason to adopt Tim as his Robin, like he decides that he wants to recruit this 15 year old that is some how the smartest and snarkiest person in Gotham. I don't want infantilised tim, I want a sorta Nani and Lilo sibling dynamic, but with a smaller age gap.

Like sure, Jason sees his little brother as some sort of soggy kitten that he must protect, but also a Tim that is very capable of looking after himself.

I want Tim to look at Jason, see Bruce back when he first donned the Cape and traffic light colours. And then in true Tim fashion decide to fix him, B was being too over protective since Red Hood showed up anyways.

Like imagine, Jason meeting Tim instead by accident when he drops in on a drug trade. Tim says some quip that throws him off his game while fighting. Jason basically losing to a very deadly fifteen year old who's not slept in 29 hours, and he thinks 'f it, I like the kid'. Then trying to recruit him consistently until Tim goes 'why tf not'.

I want enemies to caretaker, but they both think they're the caretaker

[kacievvbbbb]

In a perfect world where I get to write a Red Hood movie. It’d be tragic but aggressively,desperately, funny; Just like Jason.

It’d also be like across the spiderverse where something is hunting Jason across the multiverse because he’s abnormal. But instead of finding multiple different spidermen what he will find is that in every universe Jason Todd dies tragically young. This is the only one he comes back, and he adamantly doesn’t want to know why.

Because what’s a little torture? It’s good for character.

[iwanttoshareamorange]

Idk if I’ll ever write this but I love the fics where one of the robins is brought to the future to see the modern fam but often times they don’t get to meet the adult version of themselves so this is what I think that would look like for them.

Let’s put Damian at about 14 here so it’s a fresh from the league, maybe a few months into living with Dick as Batman. He is enraged to find his older self so soft. He wastes his time on pointless things like painting, animals, and video games. (No he is not jealous, he is disgusted by how happy and relaxed he looks in the future, of course)

I imagine Tim’s mini popping up when he’s around his team. Cassie, Bart and Kon can’t stop gushing about how cute the baby Robin is. Red Robin Tim is trying to talk baby Tim out of a panic, because where is Batman? Why isn’t he with him? Who are these teenagers who keep trying to hug him and make comments about his bowl cut? (He can’t believe how self assured his older self is, or how comfortable he is with receiving attention. Or how obviously loved he becomes)

Steph’s Robin sees the spoiler costume and asks if they’re back to working on their own again. Steph smiles sadly and makes the kid a plate of waffles and tells her that she doesn’t need to be one of Bruce’s adoptees to be one of his kids. (She is a part of the family. Tiny Robin Steph is amazed by the confidence she injects into the words. They don’t sound like a mask anymore)

Jason Todd’s Robin finds himself in a dark living room at night. It’s clean and decorated. A little girl walks through holding a cup of water, she can’t be too much younger than he is. Lian sees him and calls for her dad(s- she hasn’t called Jason her dad yet but she considers him her other parent). Once both Jason’s figure out who the other is, both have very different internal monologues. Bitty jay is shocked by how domestic he gets to live, he gets to have a loving family and a home with a big bookcase, warm blankets and a full kitchen. (Older Jason is suddenly terrified because he does not remember being that tiny when he was that age. Lian is a couple years younger and they’re the same size.)

Dick Grayson sees his older self and thinks he went back in time. Why? Because that man looks like his Tati who is dead. It’s a heartbreaking realization for Dick who, despite having pictures of his parents, had no idea he looked so much like John Grayson. (It’s a difficult conversation, to explain to a child who just wants to see their dad one more time that you aren’t him)

[batcavescolony]

You know what I find funny about the fanonization of Tim Drake? In fanon content he's like seen as meek, weak, shy when canon Tim Drake is the opposite. Canon Tim's favorite game is jump rope with boundaries. He will do genetic experiments on his friends, he literally became Robin because he dug into the bats business, he stalks so many people. Canon Tim is a little shit who talked back to Jason as he was getting his ass beat. Canon Tim isn't meek or weak or shy, he's a funky lill freak, who will make it known if he hates you or likes you.

[fishfission-dc]

Batboys’ Rebellious Phases:

Jason: crime lord villain era

Tim: blew up all the League bases

Damian: casual murder & joining cults

Dick: mullet

[oraclenthusiast]

everyone wants batman to be treated like a human and have him lose to his kids... personally i think dc should lean into his unbelievable wins. need to defeat this insanely powerful supervillain? call batman. need to fight god? batman. no explanation whatsoever, just him winning quite literally impossible fights. sic him on capitalism next.

[welcometogrouchland]

Disgustingly messy and crusty sketch dump but I couldn't get my own terrible theory out of my head and ended up making a bunch of sketches about it. Also at the end a bonus dickbats and Damian doodle bc I was reading an issue of their Batman and Robin run (IDs in Alt)

[kittykatninja321]

Bruce has 3 1st sons: Dick is the first child he took in/raised, Jason is the first kid he adopted/legally claimed as his own, Damian is his first bio kid/would’ve existed before Jason’s adoption, so could technically be considered the 1st kid that is “legally” his, even if wasn’t aware of his existence yet

[rubydubydoo122]

Broke: Catherine Todd died of a heroin overdose and Willis Todd was an angry deadbeat alcoholic goon

Woke: Catherine Todd died of Cancer and Willis Todd worked for Two-Face to make ends meet

Bespoke: Catherine Todd died because she had Cancer, but could no longer afford Chemo, so Willis Todd took the job with Two-Face to help Catherine. Except he got arrested leaving Catherine with a low source of income so she had to rely on other sources for pain relief. And it’s Gotham so whatever meds she got weren’t safe.

Stop villainizing Willis. Stop simplifying Catherine’s situation. Sheila and Bruce are fair game, but Willis and Catherine were good people in a bad situation.

[shit-talker]

The only way I can rationalise people accepting literal children going out and fighting crime as Robin is if they don't think Robin is a real child.

I think it would be fun to see how Bruce would use that to his advantage in protecting his kids. Like, if people think Robin isn't human, if they instead think he's a spirit or a ghost, they are less likely to shoot at him, less likely to try and physically attack Robin because they think it would be no use.

The fun part would be deciding HOW they would do this. I like to think that Robin's domino mask doesn't have a hole for his eyes but instead is glazed over so that he can see out of it, but you can't see in. Maybe they install small lights in it so it looks like his eyes glow in the dark, because can you image how fucking scary it would be to just see these two sentient light-like eyes and just know the Batman must be lurking somewhere close by?

Maybe Bruce installs super strong magnets in their gloves because on the chance that someone does pull a gun on his kid close range, it would be a lot easier for them to grab the gun away if they had the force of magnetism on their side. Also, grabbing onto poles and other metal materials would make all the scaling on tall buildings a little safer. Obviously, they'd need a way to turn it on and off, but still. Can you imagine, you're in a warehouse and there are steel frames fucking everywhere and you look up and suddenly there's a child gripping onto one effortlessly? Horrifying.

Maybe they have a voice box. Want to scare people? Play this really ominous recording of a child's laughter that echoes just a bit too loud to be normal. Play this ominous screaming that seems too silent to be real. Play this ticking that seems to never end that induces stress and increases the chance of them messing up.

What would be even funnier is keeping this act up with the Justice League and other teams.

Batman doesn't bring Robin to these meetings at the beginning because he sees no need to involve a preteen in such matters, but at some point the subject does come up and it's sort of like; So, Bats, what exactly is the kid? Like...is he yours?

And Bruce (paranoid as fuck) doesn't want to admit to these people that yes, Robin is my son because hello? That's gotta be his biggest weakness, he would do anything to keep that kid safe and fuck them if they ever tried to hurt him to get to Bruce.

So, he tells them that he's a spirit sent to haunt him and remind the city of it'd failures and the Justice League just... believe him?? Because this is Batman, and why would Batman ever lie about something so, frankly, strange? And it's not a huge deal, like they're a team comprised of metas and aliens and literal godesses, so what if the one normal human guy has a weird little ghost child? Who cares if he cares about it like it's a real boy? Maybe the baby spirit has rights, too!! They don't know!

So, when the JLA gets more popular and becomes an actual, legal part of the American government, they're required to list all of their members. And they class Batman as a human, because that's obvious but next to Robin, they don't really know what to say or how to ask Batman about it, ao they just put "Unknown Child Spirit - TBD"

And then just... never change it?

So, they don't question why a few years later Robin seems to look entirely different, or why after that he changes again, or why Robin is suddenly a girl for a while before going back to a little boy. That's obviously just some weird spirit thing they don't understand, and it's not like Batman is going to explain it!