#and being remembered. he wants to be remembered so bad dont we all want to be remembered this badly
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slim pickins
warnings; bad date? mentions of sex, cursing underage drinking and yes i meant for it to be written poorly i was trying to keep the humor of the album in the writing
no pressure tags; @murdockcastleslut @kimoralov3 @arkofblake
word count; 1911
summary; youre tired of not finding a decent guy who will treat you right and lay you right. at least not one you've known since you were kids. however you just cant help yourself. besides its slim pickins out here you take what you can get.
divider by @bernardsbendystraws
i wanna make one thing clear, when i say there are no good guys left i do not wanna hear about you and your boyfriend of three years that can cook and loves your mom.
thats exactly what im talking about maddie!!! i dont give two fucks that he took you to barnes and noble and bought you every book you wanted.
they are all taken. its plain and simple.
which is why even with a full roster, im stuck taking fucking zander, yes with a z, to my friends' kegger.
i mean yea hes cute. hes tall, built but not that gross kind of muscly. but if were being real i shouldve known better when he was joking about being a male stripper when hes a ginger.
and i can tell kie is judging me, rightfully so. her side eye is lethal. when i introduced him to everyone she asked him about his greta van fleet tee and he said he didn't even know it was a band.
needless to say pope had to drag her away.
after that incident i decided it was best if we tried to talk away from the rest of the group. boy was i wrong.
"so what do you like to drink? ill go grab us something," i offer trying to start the conversation, also avoiding the usual problem with taking a drink from men.
"im good with whatever"
i like to think im not a violent person, but im about to be.
"does a beer sound okay?" i ask him grabbing a twisted tea for me from the cooler.
"sure thing." god why is he acting like such a bitch? i should ask him if he's on his period.
i hand him the can, our fingers brush and its my final clue for the night that i am definitely not going home with him. no spark at all. hes done just about everything else to piss me off.
he did the thing where he licks his lips exaggeratingly looking me up and down, making a point to make sure i saw.
he walks so slow for being 6'3.
and finally he tried to mansplain my career to me. i'd had just enough when he opens his mouth again
"ew, you like twisted tea? who likes sweet tea?" his face contorted in disgust, it was about to contort from my fist breaking his goddamn nose if he keeps talking to me like this.
"we literally live in the south dude." my face could not make it any clearer i am so done with this guy.
"still, sweet tea is disgusting. im not kissing anyone that drinks that nasty shit."
"who said i wanted to kiss your nasty fucking mou-" i was interrupted by the sound of a very familiar giggle behind me as his arm wrapped around my shoulder, the smell of his deodorant and sea salt that cover his skin start to put you at ease.
jj was always there when you needed him, sometimes even when you didnt but right now you couldn't be more grateful. "im glad you found those mama i got em just for you. remembered theyre your favorite. right?"
and you wanna know the best part? zander is shaking already pissed off that jj is at my side. territorial i guess.
"you mind?" he asks him nodding his head at me like im not even there.
jj cant help but laugh at him "yea bud i do mind. she's hanging out with me tonight. have fun with your ipa dick." and with that he steers us off to where the rest of the pogues are.
but not before i can look over my shoulder and give the ginger an innocent smile and a shrug as if i had no control over the situation, when really id pick jj over anyone else.
"you owe me a big fat kiss mama," jj whispers in my ear walking us over to where our friends are standing, drinks in their hands laughing and chatting up a storm.
"in your dreams honey."
"every night all night," he quips back before i shove him off me.
now before you give me shit, jj and i have had our fair share of fun, but unfortunately im starting to look for something more serious.
watching john b and sarah be disgusting together is getting to my head. popes got something going on with cleo and im starting to recognize the pattern. and before i know it everyone will be in love if i don't start making an effort in that department.
random casual hook ups aren't doing it anymore, especially considering they aren't even that good.
unless theyre with jj.
but hes not an option, theres too much drama. too much history. too much too much too much. im not what he needs and i know for a fact he doesn't want me in that sense.
is that a bit dramatic? probably.
i mean hes a great lay, he's hilarious, he's got that blue collar kind of muscle, and he genuinely cares about me.
so of course im not going to date him, why would i?
what do you mean make good decisions? id rather do things in the most difficult way possible!
"y/n youve gotta stop giving those guys a chance, im starting to feel bad for you."
"you try finding a decent guy in a ten mile radius." i glare at him, obviously not wanting to joke about this right now.
he sticks his hand out in front of me, "fine i will. let me see your phone."
curious to see what he will do i hand it too him unlocked, he swipes and taps for a few moments, smiling down at the phone before handing it back to you.
when you look back down at the screen all you see is your instagram open with his stupid fucking smiley face on the screen.
he took a picture of himself and posted to my story. written on the screen in bubble letters in my favorite colored heart 'my favorite guy <3'
"i think he's your best bet." that same smile facing back at me now, cockier than ever. so smug i wanna kiss it off his face
i cant help but roll my eyes. "jj im serious! at this rate im going to die alone. every decent guy is taken or unavailable. all i want is someone funny, kind, and attractive is that too much to ask for?"
"im right in front of you mama you dont gotta look far."
"jj we both know we're not the serious kind of relationship im talking about."
"you can think what you want too but ill be here waiting for that kiss you owe me."
"i think all that tequila youve been sipping has gone to your head maybank."
he stands in front of me, taking his signature red cap off his head and putting it on mine smiling down at me, "what do they say in those books you read? you wear the hat you ride the cowboy?"
"this no ten gallon hat and you are no cowboy."
we laugh at each other, its always been easier to do that then actually talk about our feelings. so i put his hat back on his head, backwards the way he i likes it.
"cmon y/n/n, have a few more drinks, relax and hang out and ill make you feel all better later yea? its what im best at, you know."
"its gonna take more than a few more teas to convince me jj"
"what about that thing you like that i do with my tongue, huh mama? doesnt that sound pretty good right now? i think it does."
"i give you one fucking compliment and it goes straight to your head."
"technically its about my head so that makes perfect sense," he hands me another can with that stupid signature smirk of his and his stupid sexy hat backwards. i hate to admit it's working on me.
just like it does every other time.
i squint my eyes at him taking the can, rolling the idea around in my head. "fuck it. its not like anyone else is offering," i take a big sip of my drink.
jj pumps his fist in the air like a victorious idiot giving a few woots and hollars before picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder despite my wishes.
"jb!!" he shouts turning around to face him, "we're headed out!"
john b looks at the two of us shaking his head at how im kicking my feet to wiggle out of jjs oddly strong grip. "make sure you change the sheets when youre done!"
oh my god he did not just say that. "fuck both of you!"
jj just laughs carrying you back to the chateau like a kid who's excited to use a brand new birthday present.
"what happened to letting me have a few more drinks before we left??"
"youre just too irresistable mama, gotta have you now,' he gives my ass a light slap for good measure causing me to roll my eyes for the 600th time tonight.
"are you gonna put me down now?"
he pretends to look like hes thinking about it, "i guess. only so i can watch you walk away," he does as he says helping me get my feet on the ground.
"youre a pervert."
"no im flirtatious, and you love it, you know it makes you blush i see it. now go on and give me a lil walk yea?"
oh im gonna kill him...
oh wait! im gonna kill him!
"okay... fine. but no touching until we get home," i smile walking away exactly like he asked, but i know behind me he is a puddle of mud. standing still, about to start begging me to let him.
he finally catches up after a few seconds "mama please- cmon thats not fair. you look too good in those shorts you know i cant wait that long. just wanna feel you."
i cant help but giggle at his words, its honestly adorable how mopey he gets. like i just kicked his puppy or something.
"hands of jj i mean it... not until that door shuts behind us."
it didn't really matter that i can see the chateau or that ill be there in literally a minute.
its actually painful for jj to not be able to touch me as he pleases.
i turn around to face him with a cheeky smile. "you want me maybank?"
and of course he nods so hard it looks like his head is going to fall right off.
"come and get me," running towards the house, i can see the moment when his reflexes kick in, his boots thudding against the ground as he gains on me.
just before i can make it to the poarch jj wraps his arms around me, lifting me a few inches off the ground and spinning me around in a fit of laughter.
"okay! okay okay okay you win- you got me."
"oh ive got you mama, and im havin you for the rest of the fucking night," he presses a kiss to my neck hauling me inside, the screen door slamming shut after us.
am i gonna regret this tomorrow? most likely.
but what can i say? its slim pickins in this part of town.
#jj maybank#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank x gn!reader#outer banks x reader#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank fics#outerbanks x reader#outerbanks fics#my writing <3#short n sweet#short and sweet#fic recs <3#mama needs her jj#jj maybank need you by my side
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Ending 5: Deadlock (Extra Special Ending)
Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Optimus Prime Ending, Megatrons Ending, Elita Ones Ending, B-127 Ending
Tf1Deadlock x Cybertronian!GN!Reader
TW/Tags: possessiveness, bit of fluff- kinda, Deadlock wants reader so bad omg.
After the battle and everything Y/N would visit the hospital. Though because of other bots getting hurt Ratchet couldn’t come see them. During one of their check ups they stayed in the room after accidentally opening their wound again and badly hurt their arm after practicing with their swords. When they’re all patched up they remember what they promised to Deadlock. After they’d make their way to the club Deadlock worked at the front of the line. As they got there Deadlock has walked out and was waving the other bouncers bye.
You noticed the bouncer seemed annoyed as he crossed his arms. You assumed he’s one of those animalistic bots given he has large antlers. And he was tall. Honestly you didn’t realize that you were staring until Deadlock noticed you himself.
To say he was a bit jealous would be an understatement. I mean all the dudes who worked at the club were all fine gentleman.
”Y/N you finally visit right as I’m about to leave.”
”Yeah sorry ‘bout that Deadlock. Working with our new Prime and all.” Deadlock would then notice their wounds and grab their arm along with looking at the wound on their waist
”Is this from that battle.” They would nod and try to pull back a little.
”Yeah- well this wound on my waist is but this on my arm is from earlier. Was training with my swords and got hurt at some point.” Deadlock would stay quiet and then sigh. His cervo moving from their arm to thier cervo and then start walking, taking them along.
”Come on lets talk and walk.” He says. Y/N following along.
”Is our new prime…Real??” He’d ask you not looking back. Y/N then nods to him.
”Yes he’s more….Real then our “last” one. I’m sort of his bodyguard now….although I have today off since I got injured.” Deadlock seemed to get irritated and pulls them with them to an alleyway. Careful to not pull them too hard and Y/N let out a small gasp as they follow him.
As they make it to the alley way Deadlock stops and his cervo on theirs tightened a little as he stands there.
”Any of them try to make a move on you? Cause you know I’m “your” friend right?”
”No Deadlock they haven’t done anything like that.” They then stand next to him putting their other cervo on his chest as they look at him.
”I came because I made a promise. And with my new job I can’t really visit as much as I might like. But maybe if I speak to Optim-“
Deadlock then pushes them against the wall. Making sure not to hard to hurt them and their wound. He then gets close still being very tall. His chest touching theirs as his cervos hold firmly on their arms. He then spoke. His voice deeper.
”You finally have a cog. The leader we once had betrayed us. We finally get a new one so we don’t starve. You are finally able to live as you are meant to be. Up here without being looked down at. And Now…I can’t even see you even as much when you were still a miner!”
They would stare up at him as he spoke. Him staring down at them.
”Deadlock-“ He then leans his helm down to next to theirs. He sighs and leans closer his cheek touching theirs as he whispered. His voice low making you almost shiver.
”I prayed to Primus he would give us a chance. I waited and waited.” He would then lift his helm and then rest his forehelm against theirs. Staring at them
”I’ve been wanting to ask you to be my Conjunx. So that I may spend my life with the one bot who gave some higher class like me a chance for having a cog..But the fact that you’ll be even more busy then before…” you listened as he spoke.
”Deadlock….why dont you join us….Become part of our team to stop and fight against the Quintessons. You can fight with me as we-“ He then interrupts them by kissing them.
His cervos moving to their hips. Pulling their lower half closer to him. Y/N would put their cervos on his arms. Only leaning into the kiss for a moment but when they remember their plan.
Causing them to try to pull back. Struggling a bit until he finally pulls away back to staring down at them
”Deadlock the way our paths went isn’t what we planned but if you join me and we can fight together. Finally spend time together…Like we both want. Leave the club and work with me. Optimus would love your spirit and strength for the team.”
Deadlock thinks for a moment before looking down to the side.
Y/N would then put their cervos on both sides of his face. Gently cupping his cheeks to make him look at them. He would stare at them and then closes his optics as he leans into their touch.
”A new path could be right for us……get hurt actually protecting a life…..and not fight because of others pettiness…” They would use their digit to gently wipe over one of the cuts on his cheek. He would sigh and lifted one of his cervos to hold theirs. The one that touched his cut.
Gently turning his head a bit to kiss their palm. Then turning his head to face them fully again. He stared down at them.
”I hope your words aren’t just giving me false hope, sweetspark….” This time Y/N was the one to lean up. Kissing him as their cervos stay holding his cheeks.
This time the kiss a little more gentle. He leans in a bit more after a second as he closed his optics. Putting his cervo around their upper back as the other stayed at their waist. After a couple moments the two would pull away and open their optics. The two stare at each other and then Deadlock gently nods as a smile shows on his dermas.
The two then kissing once more, more passionality as Y/Ns arms wrap around his neck. Soon both of their chest plates glow within their sparks. Luckily being pretty deep in the alley no other bot can see their glow as the two enjoy each others embrace staying together for a moment longer.
Oh yeah final ending! Loved writing for him. I def should write for more deadlock content like in IDW but I never know what story I should go with. Sooo…go to my request prompt lmao. Help me out people 😂. Anyway I hope you all enjoyed this and will enjoy reading My Bumblebee movie story that I’ll release in a few days. That’ll be all!
#transformers one#transformers one x reader#x reader#transformers#transformers x reader#transformers deadlock#tf deadlock#deadlock
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i’ve got an obsession with legacy
[ahomeboyslife post (august 2010) / centuries / pete journal entry (october 2007) / flu game]
#i think abt this literally all the time it makes me insane how he writes abt legacy#and being remembered. he wants to be remembered so bad dont we all want to be remembered this badly#and its the dichotomy of you Will remember me and no one will remember me when they look back like. what the fuck everrrrr pete#txt#lyrics.txt#pw#p: 100
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every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
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was going through my blog trying to track down an old post i made talking abt my feelings on jolene and it was. much longer than i remembered it being. and haha yeah i still agree with it. i need to fucking. sort out my feelings on that character and that subplot
#like. its just been A Thing where once i thought abt it too hard it was just Wow i hate this actually#its not entirely like a visceral discomfort but its a sort of like. its unpleasant to think abt this for too long#like??? the easiest way for me to explain it is that normally its fine like ok a pursuer antagonist character to add lil backstory#but the moment you toss in the implication that she still has romantic feelings for him it jumps up to WOW THIS IS UNCOMFORTABLE#for me. for me. like just all of it? and some fan stuff that influenced it like. bad jokes and uncomfy phrasing that leans to linebeck bein#like an unwilling participant or ‘giving in’ like fan stuff also REALLY hasnt helped so i just. yknow avoid it#salty talks#might delete later but i didnt delete the og so whatever#like she is absolutely just. badly written. shes a joke and poorly written and its just. there and there are implications#it does just come down to. shes badly written and the way linebeck reacts to all of it doesnt help#like when i worry abt like. coming off as sexist. its like nah shes just fucking badly written#casca is a similar kind of character as someone aggressive to her love interest and lashing out at him despite having feelings#but shes like. well written. and guts reciprocates. and you like. see them communicate and grow closer#here youre just given a disastrous fucking aftermath where communication is completely broken down#and while the aggressive party still has feelings the other party actively wants to just not engage with it and actively doesnt care#cuz like. he literally does not bring her up or allude to her outside of her being immediately relevant i cannt see him being interested#GOD. i just need to write all this out i keep justifying myself with it i need to. get it out#im narrowing down. something. for how i think their backstory together goes with it being a lot of miscommunication and it just being like#a bad situation anyways with their last actual encounter being a violent one and its like yeah no that was a trainwreck#i know its a fucking like. comedic(????) subplot in a lighthearted childrens game#but it has Vibes to me and that game does have some darker vibes to it we all know that#and it just. i dont like her. i dont. i remember i used to be like. alright with her. and then i thought on it too much#casca addendum ig. shes objectively not like. well well written. but all things considered. shes pretty good#like im p sure she was made to suffer to make guts feel bad but. she does happen to be a kickass character in the midst of that
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not to be dramatic but i just saw my ex in a twitch chat of a streamer i showed her and now i feel sick to my stomach 🤡🤡🤡
#fucking hate that i could still remember her twitch username too#holy fuck#its a dbd streamer doing a subathon and playing bg3 rn.#i genuinely want to throw up#her presence is so unsettling#knowing she's like actually alive and living her life is. it's an interesting thought#idk i think one way i coped with everything was by like subconsciously pretending she just didn't exist anymore#oh i'm mentally ill. a streamer *i* showed her. dbd is My game and he is My streamer#i didnt even think she still watched him....#he's all we used to watch together i genuinely want to throw up rn this sucks so bad#why does she taint everything why does nothing feel like mine anymore#and she's in chat talking about bg3 as if she didn't take that experience from me and ruin it#i know im being very irrational abt everything rn i just. i want her gone from everything#i don't want her in any proximity i just dont i want her out of my life forever in every way#it's been almost a year i don't want shit like this happening anymore#jester.txt
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idk if there's anything in stories i get more petty about than poorly-written "main character shows up to a new place and meets everyone" character introduction scenes
#personal#they make me SO ANGRY ahglkmsfkl#it isnt just the trope of showing up and meeting everyone either#like it works for me in some things!#i think pacific rim does a really good job with characterization for example#and it's got a sequence of scenes where raleigh arrives and the audience is introduced to the shatterdome & important characters basically#my working theory until i do some more analysis is that stories that do it well leave some mystery#like in pacrim you don't find out mako's whole deal immediately upon meeting her#pentecost doesnt go ''this is mako mori. one of our brightest. her whole family was killed by a kaiju and she wants to be a pilot''#he says she's in charge of the mk 3 restoration program#and she doesn't immediately offer up her backstory because why would she. real people dont do that#the russian pilots dont show up and go ''hello we are russian''. pentecost just tells raleigh briefly who they are#etc. newt & hermann's intro scene is one of my favourite bits of characterization Ever and you don't learn that much about hermann during i#all the info you get is from newt being chatty and ridiculous and mocking hermann and putting his foot in his mouth. i.e. newt being newt#and that's what makes it good!#when chuck and herc are introduced you learn absolutely nothing about chuck. hes just there in the background#he and raleigh look at each other for a second and you kinda go ''who's that guy''#AND THATS ENOUGH TO ESTABLISH HIM AS ''PROBABLY IMPORTANT LATER''#idk idk but so many books do this kind of scene so badly that it pisses me off#so many POPULAR books too. like i either am uniquely annoyed about this or other people are way more willing to overlook it lol#as far as examples go. the house in the cerulean sea and every heart a doorway were the books where i got so annoyed i immediately DNFed#i feel like the long way to a small angry planet does it a little bit but not as bad. i cant remember for sure it's been a while#i did finish that one but i had extremely mixed feelings about it#and now im reading a big ship at the edge of the universe and. once again it is happening#aaaargh
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legs & lessons in perseverance | march '23
#so.#i fell into the fireplace lol#- thats the concise summary. but ive just been unwell health wise recently. i think ms is just harrowing to deal with#because you can go for so long symptom free and then one day you wake up and everything is wrong#your body feels wrong.#i remember being constantly angry at my body as though its a separate entity. especially when i was like 17/18.#because everytime i had a bad ms relapse i would literally breakdown in angry tears like- at my body. i was good to you. im meditating#im eating healthy. im exercising. ive been good to you.#but then suddenly you cant see or youre shaking uncontrollably or your limbs are numb#or my new favourite one: a couple of weeks ago i woke up at 4 am in a cold sweat. the inside of my thigh was burning#i dont mean like. exercise burning. i mean like struck a hot iron rod burning. it was obv nerve pain but that didnt stave off the panic#so i messaged my neurologist and hes like 'yeah its fine. wanna inject yourself?'#anyway. so recently i was helping my friend get his place houseparty ready and we were cleaning out the fire place#and my legs just gave out 😍#and i got so angry and humiliated i kind of just wanted to go to bed and not wake up tbh#which is what i usually do but like. i was angry. angry. scorpio angry as lidya would say. so i had a nap in his bed#and when i woke up i felt slightly better and for once i thought 'im not going to let my body ruin this day for me'#and i just dragged him to the markets with me. and i still had the tremors but we bought more greens than either of us needed#and we laughed and walked and he carried me to the car at the end of the trip and it was one of the best days ive had in a long while tbh#and it feels impossible but sometimes all u need is to brush the ash from ur knees and hide the scruffs with stockings &maybe youll be ok#💚#tw chronic illness#/ multiple sclerosis
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Time to start reading The Queen of the Damned I GUESS
#the last/only time i read it was probably like 2006? 2007?#here is what i remember about it#lestat continues being a rockstar#armand is like dating daniel and trying to dress modern in jean jackets and shit#louis is just like lestats cute groupie? i forget if he does anything hahaha he like never does anything after book 1 tbh#but thats why we love im hes just there being a cute passive buzzkill like he always does best#theres a lot of akasha the queen and theres a big like vampire war or something??#i really dont remember a whole lot else at all#also i remember watching the movie based on it and its so funny and so bad fjdkdkss#full of nu metal and shit#anyways im sorry to subject you all to my vampire chronicles enthusiasm#I KNOW IT'S NOT COOL OK BELIEVE ME I KNOW#however this series really is one of the all-time entertaining series to me#and it's like the most junk foody of junk foods for me entertainment wise#i always feel almost queasy after bingeing on it too much and yet#then i want more the next day#i have grown accustomed to a daily dose of their undead drama and cannot go without for very long#i wonder how far ill get into the series this time#i got so mad at how every book got further and further away from focusing on the main characters i actually cared about after a bit iirc#maybe this time i will actually stick it out#i stopped after book 6 the first time around and there's apparently like 13?#and apparently the last 3 or 4 of those are p new and were written after i dropped it as well#vampire chronicles spoilers#interview with the vampire spoilers#p#vmpcs
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#the thing about rebooting twilight and trying to fix it#is that the flaws of the source material are so so so deep and go beyond just like#dont be racist this time md cut the imprinting imo#it would involve being more aware of the toxicity of bella and edwards relationship (they won’t do that)#and there’s elements of this story that are so so so so mormon because smeyer IS mormon#not only is Edward painfully controlling; all the cullens are in on it (see book 3)#there’s a strong underlying message of sexism even among the female vampires really where they only get power once a man turns them#every single aspect of the werewolves are racist#like that’s what I’m leaving that as because I don’t have the tag space or spoons#the werewolves in twilight ARE RACIST. smeyer made up stories and mythology and the depections#of the quileute tribe ARE RACIST from the very beginning#and the fact that jasper not only was a high ranking confederate#but also ILLEGALLY JOINED because he was too young? what the fuck#that’s the tip of the iceberg I wrote a whole final paper on twilight and ran out of page space to do the proper dissertation I wanted#even Charlie y’all love Charlie. he has a terrible moment#when Bella punches Jacob after he kisses her because she doesn’t want him to?#Charlie’s reaction made me pissed I can’t remember it exactly#I’m not saying you can’t read twilight#clearly I still talk about it because it’s interesting to me from a writing standpoint with how bad it is#but I don’t think this is one we should try to ‘make better’#and hot take we don’t need a reboot like barely a decade later#write an original vampire story. learn from twilights mistakes.#i do not think we need to be returning to this ip which is deeply broken and hurtful#yes much of the backlash against twilight was sexist#but there are also valid reasons to dislike and criticize twilight we cannot forget that#unless quileute people are quite literally writing the script#i can see no situation where they are treated with the respect and monetary compensation they deserve#and that is only addressing that singular issue#i don’t even know if a consultant from the quileute tribe would be enough#here’s your rant of the day
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i hope i die, you broke my heart
#personal#so fucking tired oh my god#just yelled at my sister so loud that my throat is sore over a piece of fuciing plastic#sometimes ecerytbinf feels so bad and its like. what do i even do#like ok i relapse and i need a break from someone and they loose their fucking shit on me#taljing about how you always deal with my shit and youre tired of how i see you as the worst in the group#as if i didnt literally repeat to you over and over again that i love you and that i always will even when you kept denying it#all of the times youve left all the servers and the gc and all that and i was there to comfort you#theres a reason im always the person you go to#byt yeah . im neverrrr there for you#like is it just that im not there for you in the Same Way that youre there forme ??#does it need to be completely equal to be fair#and idk. i know hes struggling too but its so fucking stupid because ive been struggling for months and i dont treat u like tjat#im tired of feeling like i have to do two times more than everyone else ro be worthy of their love#like sorry man but im fucking sick and tired#i know ill be fine without you but like youre so sick right now that i dont know what youll do without all of us#idk im just like. you used to be so kind but now youre writing your name in mu blood#and sometimes i feel bad because i didnt mean evedytbinf i said to you but lets be honest#you didnt mean everyrbinf you said either#and i dont know if you were ever the right person because a lot of the time i think we are just two chemicals that werent meant to mix#but ill always remember you when i hear that one song and im making it sound like this is some kind if goodbye but it Really isnt#but like there was a time when i would tear myself apart for you. mot even because i liked you that much#i guess i just wanted someone that liked me as much as you did???#and when j say that it isnt even about one soecific oerson. its an amalgamation of ecery person tgat has ever loved me#a little more than they were supposed to#i think i hate ahen people love me Too Much because i dont want to be adored like that it scares me#iknow what thats like and i dont want to be someone fp Its so scary#okay if im being honest i dont know whbat the fuck im saying right mow#byt like. idk. im tired and i think im done. tbh#💭
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#mod posts#idk dude i am so conflicted abt this ‘barnaby is overrated’ shit#on one hand im like… wow another person who feels he’s overrated. daring today are we?#on the other im like… i understand what its like when the character you like isnt the popular one in the community#like i normally tend to hyperfixate on the side characters so i absolutely know how frustrating it is#i also know from personal experience that a lot of it can just be hating it solely BECAUSE its popular#when i was like 14 and undertale came out i hated it just bc it was popular. and then i played it myself and yknow what? i enjoyed it#like… its okay not to like something!! everyone has unique tastes#and i also understand the concern abt barnaby being treated like snatcher (i know NOTHING abt snatcher so dont. quote me on that)#like theres a chance the ‘fanon’ version of barnaby will be given precedence over ‘canon’#the same shit happened with sans. remember all those sans/reader fics where sans was this edgy mysterious guy?#yet in fanon hes just a funni little skeleton who likes bad jokes?#yet in *canon jesus christ i cant spell today#but like. can we just let people enjoy things if they arent hurting anyone?#like i get it its annoying sometimes. like i had to mute the oc tag bc i was tired of seeing RP stuff#but im not like. going into their inboxes and telling them theyre bad ppl for enjoying a popular character yknow?#sorry this is making like. no sense. and im sorry to put it in tags but i do NOT want this spreading#anyways. those are my thoughts for today.
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I think the reason I'm enjoying writing core4 so much is it's just, a bunch of only-child children with non-traditional family dynamics who are so sibling coded/we're roommates and have been for the past 63,136 years. DELIGHTFUL to me. They're all so goddamn stupid. I have decided Kon says traumatic things about Cadmus and Cassie/Tim/Bart turn to each other and play rock-paper-scissors for who gets to be angry about it this time.
#superheroes#bip bop nari drops#core4#kon: ....what are you doing#tim: well if all of us get mad we're gonna storm the place and burn down a bunch of shit and get in trouble#cassie: SO the deal is only one of us is allowed to be mad. and we bury it deep in our heart to be traumatized about it forever ❤️#kon: it's not that traumatic!!! i was just talking about watching tv!!!#bart: -pats him on the shoulder- aw bud. let it out#kon: WHAT'S TRAUMATIC ABOUT LEARNING ABOUT FAMILY THROUGH WATCHING TV#tim: oh boy I'm so tapping out of this one we are getting Way too uncomfortably close to my shit#**caveat that i dont think Tim's inherently traumatized by his parents/dont think theyre Terrible they're just#**bad at being parents. well-meaning but Too Many Expectations and also were not really. MEANT to be parents. did it because it was expecte#not because they actually wanted a kid. and so they were like. yeah! we'll be cool parents. give him freedom and stuff.#but then when he's wildly independent and kinda a brat because they're not PARENTS and he barely knows them#they're like how can you treat us like that we're your PARENTS#anyway i think complex relationships are fun!!!!! love a good Sad Tim fic but. oooo the complex dynamics of not hating your parents#because you didn't even have them. my beloved#they're dead and you love them because all you can remember is when they were there - but how often were they there?#mwah it fascinates me. he's a latchkey kid and social dynamics have changed since his first comic!!!! augh!!!#anyway inherent fascinating tim & kon & cassie & bart family relationships#i like thinking all of them have just Little things they can't handle about kon's Pod Facts without being sad
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Oh my fuckin god... the friend that deleted all his accounts and I was told was legit missing for this past half year is apparently in contact with my dad, who was the one who informed me in the first place, and neither him nor my sister bothered to tell me that this old friend that disappeared off the fuckin earth was actually alive jfc
#vark posts#GOD.#they can fuckin shit on me all they want but their carelessness let me go on this fuckin chase trying to hunt this man down for closure#i genuinely thought he was fucking dead#from my sister's phrasing it sounds like something bad did happen but fuckin hell why am i the one being kept in the dark#i get its not her info to share ofc but AT LEAST DONT LET ME THINK HES DEAD#fuckin hell#she only told me cause i asked her is she remembered his last name so i can fuckin check if there was an obituary#jesus fuckin christ#what the fuck is this bizarre ass fuckin situation#to be clear he was an online friend that was in this big server where we used to game and/or talk almost daily for years#so its not like i could pop on over to his house and check#fuckin hell man#im having some a huge swarm of emotions and idek how to handle it
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update <3
#in case anyone remembers the saga about the guy i’d been talking to for like a week then made out with then he promptly ghosted me despite#having given one of those ‘even if it doesnt work out i still want to be friends’ claims and all my additional choosing insanity over it#well. finally got one of my friends to go to the restaurant he works at with me#also keep in mind that that stuff happened in like november we literally havent spoken in months i am just choosing to continue being#insane bc i think i deserve to#anyway. so my friend and i go to the restaurant and unfortunately he isnt there#but before we leave i ask the waitress hey um do you happen to have a coworker named [redacted]#and she was like oh yeah is he a friend of yours? :) and my friend says no. and i say …. i know him#waitress can tell that i dont mean i know him in a good way too. she laughs and says it seems like theres a story here but she doesnt ask#anything further. instead she proceeds to tell me his fucking work schedule ajdjsjjfkf#she was like yeah he worked this morning he usually works thursday mornings then all weekend :)#so shes my new hero#idk if this guy has also gotten himself on bad terms with her or if she just knows what hes like or if she just understood the implication#of an irritated girl coming in asking after a guy bc she ‘knows him’#but she rly understood the assignment. anyway im in love with her now <3#OMG i almost forgot the best part. after telling me this she asks do you want me to give him a message and i saw yes i sure would. tell him#sam said hi :)#anyway i will be dragging my friend back there with me at the end of the month on a weekend to continue antagonizing this specific asshole#sam speaks
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I remember one time when I was little we were making things with clay in art class and we were told we werent allowed to make ashtrays aggdgdgdgd like this was early 2000s and smoking in public was still new-ish so it wasn't that strange for kids to be in smoking homes
But like I remember being like well fine I'll make a stupid bowl then! And my god that was a fucking horrible bowl sgggdgd that fucker broke within a week of sitting on my counter and was so ugly
Did get me into clay though 😅
#anyway i wanted to make the ashtray for my dad or grandparents (nearly everyone in my family smoked back then lmao no wonder we all#have asthma) i remember being SO peeved at being told we couldnt do something that i was mad the entire clay unit sgggddgg#i mean i guess they COULD have used it as an ashtray anyway just didnt have the holder divots but it's the principle here!#i dont even know why i wanted to make one so bad when my dad only smoked outside by that point agdggddg so he wouldnt need one#marquilla#i have bittersweet memories of art class sggdgdgdgd so many
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