#and being bill’s problem

[teecupangel]

Have you seen the show Ultimate Beastmaster? Imagine if the assassins tried that thinking no one is looking and everyone is just staring at them shocked because they did the whole course flawlessly

“Okay, anyone wants to tell me how this catastrophe happened?” Bill asked thru gritted teeth as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Well, a few millennias ago, a race of powerful-”

“I am not talking about the Solar Flare and you know it!” Bill glared at his only son who had been a quiet obedient kid…

Until he became friends with the three banes of Bill’s existence…

The other three narrowed their eyes at him which Bill ignored.

They had always been a bit too protective of his son.

But that only served to spoil Desmond and Bill wished he could find a way to pull him away from their ‘influence’ but they were the best field agents right now and Desmond needed to learn from the best.

But that did not mean…

Bill turned his laptop around where a video titled “Awesome Beastmaster Clears By The White Hood Gang!” was paused. It already had 21 million views and it had only been a goddamn day since it was uploaded. That kind of statistic was simply too much and Bill was quite sure Abstergo most probably rewatched this… a lot.

“So… anyone wants to explain this to me?”

All four men remained quiet and adopted blank expressions on their faces.

“Did none of you even consider that those cameras would have been recording even IF the shooting was scheduled tomorrow?!”

They all looked at one another before Ezio, their usual spokesperson, explained, “We were running away from Templars after acquiring the POE they had been delivering nearby. We noticed the obstacle course and decided it would be much faster to proceed thru it than to go around it, perhaps even lose some of our pursuers in the course itself and give us more time to get away.”

Ezio was surprisingly serious as he concluded, “It was a calculated risk we needed to take to accomplish the mission.”

Bill stared at him with a ‘don’t bullshit me, kid’ expression as he pushed the spacebar.

The laptop’s tiny speakers soon let out Ezio’s holler of “You gotta be faster than that, fratello mio! My younger brother is faster than you!”

Ezio didn’t twitch even as Bill said, “And was trash-talking Altaïr also necessary in completing the mission?”

The video kept playing and they heard a commentator that had been added to the video announce, “Oh! White Hood No 1 just grabbed 2 from the back and pulled him down! He skids- AND he’s able to hold on to the chains!”

Bill turned his not-angry-only-disappointed-and-having-a-headache-because-of-your-stupidity expression at Altaïr, “And sabotaging Ezio? Was that also necessary?”

“It was planned,” Altaïr replied vaguely and all four kept their blank expressions on.

Bill glared at the supposed prodigy of their Brotherhood and wondered if Rashid would mind if he hit his grandson on the head with a rolled-up newspaper.

Repeatedly.

“And 3 and 4 just jumped over 2! 4 is even laughing and-”

“A little help?!”

“You can do it! We believe in you!”

“-It seems 3 and 4 will not be helping 2 up!”

Bill turned to glare at his son and Ratonhnhaké:ton who he had thought would be above all this.

It seemed he had been wrong.

Bill finally clicked the spacebar once more to pause the video and rubbed the bridge of his nose again as he announced, “All of you are off the field until further notice. You will all be in support duty while Erudito cleans up your mess. Report to Shaun for further instructions.”

“Yes, sir.” They all answered curtly.

“Dismissed.”

He waited until they were all out of his office. Then waited a couple of minutes more to be sure they wouldn’t see him in their Eagle Vision before groaning as he slumped into his seat. He took the secret bottle of scotch he had in the bottom drawer of his office desk and didn’t bother to take the glass next to it, simply twisting the cap off and taking a large swing from the bottle itself.

Maybe he should just ship them all to Achilles.

Make them do actual ‘field’ work as punishment.

Then again…

Achilles would probably hunt him down and cane him in a week or so of having to deal with their own brand of bullshit.

[stump-not-found]

come get yalls coffee

more art of beloved cofffee au

[wintvies]

watching the most stunning, beautiful, jaw-dropping picture on pinterest disappear right before my own two eyes

[thenecropolix]

I don't know who to send this ask so I'm gonna leave it out here for the public because it just came to me out of the blue: locomotive literature

And I don't mean literature about locomotives, but rather literature written by locomotives

Train biographies detailing their lives on the railway and documenting how things have changed since they were first built

Ghost writers publishing literary works written by trains

Trains with human editors sitting on their buffers as they write down what their engines say and making adjustments for those especially picky or who's words cannot be transcribed because they will be banned otherwise (looking at you Duncan)

Just

Train authors you guys

[eldritchneuro]

I’m sorry, why is our government now deciding that 16 year olds are itty-bitty babies who can’t be trusted with social media, but it’s still totally fine to arrest a fucking 12 YEAR OLD if they happen to be mad and/or poor and/or of colour!? Seriously what the actual fuck!?

[lorebird]

In which Ford struggles so badly to relate to other people that he wonders if he’s really human at all. The more isolated he becomes, the harder it is to reconcile with his own humanity.

[artofrolsch]

She's fine, she's just fine, you're fine, we're ALL FINE

Kind of a redraw of this frame from the book! Just wanted to play with some glitch effects yk

[stemmmm]

its really funny how hard i fought not to get back into gf as my wife went down the billford rabbit hole when my track record for characters i get insane about now looks like this

[nenoname]

while we know this first part of tots has the stan twins avoid using their names to leave the name switch reveal as the last thing we get before we're thrown into two lifetimes of expositions, it doesn't really change that stan directly calling ford "brother" here feels... kinda clunky-- it ain't a thing we do in english!!! and it's something never done again (stan tends to call him bro instead but that still wouldn't feel right for this scene)

so now i'm just wishing he had used "sixer" here cos it still hides the name switch and makes the following punch even more impactful imo

[avocado62524]

[megarhyssa-sp]

So how did Bill become a grandpa?

@the-barefoot-hatter

Steve baby-trapped his high school sweetheart when they were seniors cause he was afraid she was gonna dump him once they graduated (cringe) (not cool) but she still ended up divorcing him later, anyway (fail) (nobody saw it coming)

[shirofairy]

Malleus with a shy Yuu:

[egginfroggin]

“Likes you, Mabel?” her father said, voice rising incredulously, and he whipped around to face her. “Oh, please, dear, that’s ridiculous!” he scoffed, eyes shifting to gold between blinks. She bristled outwardly as something inside withered, conviction dimming, and he talked right over her protests. “This is why I kept you inside, dear!” Tossing his hands, eyes rolling skyward before settling back on her, full of something nauseatingly like pity – like she was just a lost little girl in a world too big and complicated for her. “This fantasy you’ve invented, it just proves how naive you are, Shooting Star!” His eyes narrowed, and he closed the distance in one long stride, all but looming over her, and she’d never felt so small before him. “He’ll eat you alive, Mabel, just like anyone else out here.”

Guess who's being mean again?

That's right!

It's me again, folks.

[im-not-buying-it-ether]

Bill finishes the Theraprisim and gets reborn as a fucked up kitten that ends up sopping wet from the rain and missing an eye (for the obvious reasons of making him look like himself and also, strays have it hard) on the Mystery Shacks porch one summer where Mabel scoops him up and declares him her new best friend, Waddles’ new baby brother, and Mr. Bumbernsazzle

One vet visit and bath later the Mystery Shack has a new cat with yellowish-orange fur and one eye that always scratches at Dipper and gives him cats scratch fevers when he’s not walking under Fords every step or loafing on the journals

[kaliemary]

do you miss your family? friends?

[greenerteacups]

Hi GT, I hope you are doing well! who is your favorite Weasley?

Thank you! Absolute treat of a question. Oh, man. It's Ron, right? It was always going to be Ron.

So here's the thing: the Weasleys are a really well-characterized family in that you can kind of see a lot of character emerge through limited sketches and contextual information. Bill is Number One Boy, the best at everything, oldest child who was always confident and at peace with his indisputable place in the family; so he's a chill, cool, incredibly competent guy who naturally takes-charge. Charlie is a patented never-grew-out-of-your-middle-school-dragons-phase Weird Kid, but like, mindfully and enthusiastically so, because his parents probably still had plenty of time to support and nurture his interests; plus he's also different to Bill and excels in different ways, so they aren't too competitive (as we see). Percy is the first one to suffer from the pressure of mounting expectations, and he's very quickly followed by the twins, who do the classic "if I can't be the best I'll be the worst" late-sibling trick of acting up for attention, so he gets lost in the shuffle. (The fight between Ron and Percy in Chapter 58 is, hence, in substantially about the relationship between the two most-ignored members of the Weasley family, and that's why Ron is so much angrier at him than the rest of them. Like I've said before, Ron always thinks he's got it the worst, but he takes pride in being able to kinda "tough it out," and nothing pisses him off like other people's self-pity.) Ginny is obviously the baby of the family, a girl with everyone wrapped around her finger, and I love her, but I feel like we didn't get enough grit in her portrait— she's just really successful in everything she does, in a way that can read as flat to some people, and certainly read as flat to me my first time through the books. In fact, Ginny reminds me a lot of Bill: first daughter/first son, described often as "cool" and clever and good at basically everything, charming and generally liked by all. Which is lovely. A delight to read, just like the twins are. But my taste in characters ranges way more fucked-up and mean.

Ron is the last boy, "sixth son of a woman who wanted a daughter" (fascinating line that complicates everything we know about Molly's relationship with her kids — and BTW, how the hell does Ron know that, and how old was he when he learned it? And this also comes into play with Molly's cry of "not my daughter" to Bellatrix which like, as a moment obviously fucking rules, but also — there's a reason she says daughter, not "child," right? Do you see what I'm digging at? Anyway). Ron meets Harry and recognizes himself in how Harry defaults to thinking people don't care about him, or won't help him if he asks, because — although they come from very different circumstances, Ron's home was completely loving, just not as nurturing as he always needed it to be — Ron usually goes in assuming people don't care about him, too. So his first instinct is to go: "Alright. Well, I'll care about you, then, weird stranger. Do you want to share my horrible sandwich, and also my life, perhaps?" Goddamn! Sixth of seven in a house with never enough to go around, and he's immediately like: "fuck it, room for one more." Because he could have been Percy — and you can see it in the way that Ron is mean, sometimes, he's not careful with his words and he struggles with empathy and he's got a vengeful streak that comes out when he's pissed — but he isn't selfish enough, he loves too much and too easily, and it takes shockingly little to earn his loyalty. You just have to pay a little attention to him.