#and average people might still suck! which is why again and again

[changeling-droneco]

Hi I'm that person who made the original post about "no doesn mean no" when a small bit of the mr beast company document was leaked, well, now we have the full document (thanks rosanna) so I'm going to go over it. Please note I am not a lawyer or a business man, I'm in college for psychology, so I might misunderstand some things or make the wrong conclusion. However, if this is a document made for the average mr. beast employee, if I cannot understand it properly, then im sure some employees also struggled

First of all, the opening paragraph. Like I get it's supposed to be like, to put people at ease, but

This is so strange? Like, first of all, this is your EMPLOYEE MANUAL, you should have run it through like, a spell check? Or had someone edit it? This is already incredibly unprofessional. Also the promising of a thousand dollars if you pass a quiz on it? It's bizarre and I'd love to see if it's an actual quiz.

Jimmy, hun, please god get an editor for this you're already trying my patience.

YOU SHOULD, you genuinely should, while interconnected these are all COMPLETELY different jobs, if you think you could write a separate manual for each branch you SHOULD

I'm sure I'm about to get an answer but what the fuck is the best YOUTUBE video then? If it's not comedy, its not production, its not quality, its not look, then what the hell is left? (monetization, it's monetization)

First of all, Jimmy, why are you using internet lingo in this, it's not a text message, this is not a place for, idc, and lol, and not capitalizing your headers correctly??? Also like I said, he's chasing trends for monetization, and also he's just wrong, there are plenty of hollywood level shows and the like on youtube. You fully admit you do not care about trends and actively rush things?

This is just fucked??? Like of COURSE IT MATTERS??? Results based company is bullshit, your employees that worked for five weeks and failed aren't "lesser" then James, it's a structural failure! They still worked for HOURS to try and succeed?? That shows merit and loyalty??? What the fuck???

Rosanna covers this one in her video but it's worth restating that this is FUCKED??? It's clear overwork "your job is your family" culture. Especially the use of the word obsessive? If you do not OBSESS over your work, you are considered poisonous. NO WONDER we have so many reports of employees doing things they feel is dangerous or unsafe, if they don't they're considered POISON to the company.

The formatting in this doc continues to fucking kill me, what are you DOING man GET AN EDITOR

This feels like such an easy fix of just...make the thumbnail after the fact? Or only make a rough draft of one first? Like if production makes a red bouncy castle instead of a yellow one, that feels like an easy fix to the thumbnail OR a communication error, and again, that's on management

A lot of the next stuff is like analytics stuff that for the most part I can't really speak on as someone who does not do any of this stuff. There are a few things though

Which like???? what??? a lull??? what do you mean "watching a video without even realizing they are watching a video??" That doesn't scream good or even mediocre content to me. If I'm actively tuning out as I watch a video, that's bad. Especially because there have been plenty of times I've been like half way through a video i go "hey this sucks actually" and click off. They actively want their audience to not be paying attention to the video so it runs all the way through, that's kinda pathetic.

I don't actually know if this is common or not in this industry, but as an outsider this seems INCREDIBLY micromanaging to me, to an immense degree.

Jimmy why are you putting swears in your employee manual?? sir??? and also something about this whole thing icks me out, I don't quite have the words but the whole emphasis on "im different im special no one else can be me" just reeks of something kind of manipulative

Why is production changing so much Jimmy??? Infinite growth is the mindset of a cancer cell Jimmy! This is incredibly unstable working conditions! Also again with the word obsession, if you take time out of your own day on your own time to watch hulu, that's seen as not being obsessed enough for the company. This is nonsensical!

Again, this is INSANELY micromanaging, and also so fucking unhinged??? "God himself couldn't stop you from making this video on time" is NOT a healthy work mindset, things HAPPEN!!!

In this segment he's actually talking normal things but I did just want to highlight his use of "freaken" who the hell puts that in an EMPLOYEE MANUEL

Again with the micromanaging, and the immense pressure on employees for problems OTHER people do. While he's not fully wrong that you should be in more contact with the contractor then the example, this is too much in the other direction. How much time in the day does he think people have?!

My kingdom for a fucking paragraph break dude, my fucking eyes. Also this is a lot of "im so great and do everything and you should do more for me and if i dont know something that's your fault" for something titled "I am not always right"

I'm getting lazy with my highlighting, but again, the micromanaging? If you're SOOO busy, the first question should be the ideal? it's quick and makes a quick decision, while the second one meanders and meanders

Again, Jimmy is pushing blame for HIS mistakes on OTHER PEOPLE. For again, a section called "i am not always right" hes taking NO accountability for that and just making the SAME excuses he's berating in other places.

I can't even tell what he means here AN EDITOR JIMMY

Autism Hell tm, PLEASE email me so I can DOUBLE CHECK IT, things in writing are SO useful

Again the language towards "C-Players" which as mr beast has said, are the people who y'know, are NORMAL employees who DON'T live and breathe this company

Okay first of all, a Lamborghini is like 300k so that's already A REALLY hard task, and i sure hope don't usually put typos in the tasks. SECOND of all the fact he thinks its okay to go "hey if the studio is literally on fire around you and you stop working to get the Lamborghini, you're not doing good enough" even if he claims it as a joke is NOT OKAY what the FUCK

We've covered this before, but to reiterate this segment is named after a sexual assault reference when it could have been named ANYTHING ELSE and harasses employees and pressures them to break rules, don't do that.

I'm not an editor, so maybe this is normal, but as someone from the outside it seems strange to put this much emphasis on dividing focus between so many videos at once.

Jimmy, hun, are you paying extra for this? Because if I'm an editor and you want me FILMING stuff then i want to be paid more for doing TWO jobs and I probably still wont be as skilled a TRAINED CAMERA MAN

First of all now THAT'S a type, consteatants. Also the fact they are aware that leaving contestants out in the sun is bad, why are you not doing MORE TO STOP IT BEYOND "hey maybe giving them three hours of heatstroke is bad, try only two next time"

Don't we love favoritism, more shitty unprofessional writings, and a completely unstable work environment?

If your people have to pull all nighters period something is wrong, and if something happens to an employees car that could have seriously hurt someone, i sure hope you care more then just "LOL FUNNY" Who's picking up the broken glass? Who's reimbursing the car owner? That one meme of "your first care should be commitment to the bit" is a MEME jimmy, it's not ACTUAL ADVICE

Ah shit I hit image limit, well, you've seen enough screenshots to know these are screenshots, we're almost done I'll put them in as quotes

"Let’s say you are tasked with finding us a castle to live in for 50 hours and while doing research you find a castle and a number to call for the owner. So you do call, and he answers. Only problem is he says he quit the castle renting business to pursue his dream of building a 100 foot tall lego catapult. You can obviously tell where i’m going with this. Ideally you’d recognize that’s badass as fuck and try to convince him to let us use it when we do find a castle. This is a bad example because it’s so obvious but if you’re doing your job right you will be doing an absurd amounts of calls and data collecting. While trying to complete your prios and prepare for the video you should always be on the lookout for new things you can bring to your creative team to inspire them. Because just like me, they don’t know what they don’t know and you can’t just say “i’m in production and i’m not very creative” because that’s literally the equivalent of saying I suck at what I do. You also need to apply this same mindset when problem solving because many people lose sight of this stuff when in the weeds. If a problem appears, always always always ask yourself if your new plan is whats best for creative, not just the easiest bandaid."

First of all it's really funny seeing all the red lines pop up, second of all this insistent blurring of everyone's job seems so strange? Again maybe this is normal, but it really feels like Jimmy wants everyone working every job, instead on focusing on what they are actually hired to do.

"What is the goal of our content?

To excite me. The goal of our content is to excite me. That may sound weird to some of you, especially if you’re new but to me it’s what’s most important. If I'm not excited to get in front of that camera and film the video, it’s just simply not going to happen."

That's fucking weirddddd, like I get that he's trying to be like "im authentic" but it always feels like a bad sign when the goal of a company is literally just "What amuses the boss" like...bad sign

"this is youtube and there are constraints. You know the video can’t be a minute so you’re obviously going to need a story to hold the viewers and there are rules to storytelling. Our audience is massive and because of that you have to be simple, for 50 million people to understand something it must be simple. Content can be anything but there is structure and rules that we must mold it into that I want to teach you about, because virality doesn’t just happen. Every frame of our videos will be seen by 10s of millions of people"

Gross

"I'd say the average MrBeast viewer is a teenage memer that likes video games."

Mr Beast is completely aware of his demographic and puts screen shots of it, he is very aware his stuff is aimed at kids, even when its about gambling or hiring people not around near minors

"I feel silly for having to write this but all the time I talk to 32 new people that have at most seen like 5 or 6 of our videos and it’s mind blowing that they don’t see a problem with that lol."

It's almost like your audience is teenage memer and that people who working here are not in fact, teenage memers.

"What you consume on social media, when you watch youtube, tv, the games you play, etc. are what I like to call your information diet.

How do you stay up to date on the latest memes? How do you know what’s going on with celebrities? What’s trending on youtube? What other creators are doing? What’s popping on tik tok? Your information diet. Consume things on a daily basis that help you write better content."

If my job as a creative writer had my boss tell me to have to see whats "popping on tik tok" as part of my job i'd quit also again, the micromanaging of someone's life as well pops up again, it's weirddd

"It’s okay for the boys to be childish

If talent wants to draw a dick on the white board in the video or do something stupid, let them. (assuming they know all the risks and arn’t missing context on why it’s not safe) People like when we are in our natural element of stupidity. Really do everything you can to empower the boys when filming and help them make content. Help them be idiots"

More favoritism

"If you’ve made it this far you are probably at least semi interested in this being your career. So I wanted to chat about it. Because if you're ambitious and want to dedicate your life to work, you picked the best company in America to do it at. I really don’t care to hoard a bunch of money and I deeply believe in rewarding the people that help this business get where it needs to be. But before I get into that, let’s talk about the future. As I write this we have 2 teams, that will grow to 4 in the next year. (and possibly 8 in the next 2 years but I can’t talk about that cause james will kill me haha). We need more leaders in the company. Weneed hard working, obsessive, coachable, intelligent, grinders that can step up and take some of these leadership spots over the next 2 years. Every single department has an opportunity for you to grow in and you’re in luck because we don’t do yearly reviews. We do whenever the fuck you want reviewes"

Lack of communication from management, and more emphasis on grinding and crunch culture, goodie, all while riddled with typos! God.

"I see a world where this company is worth billions and one day 10s of billions. And those of you that help build this will be rewarded. I want nothing more then for you to go all in, obsessive all day everyday, and become so god dam valuable this company can’t operate without you. And in return for becoming so valuable I hope to give you incredible experiences, a fun place to work, and of course, more money then you could ever dream of making at any other company."

I feel like I'm reading a fucking pyramid scheme document here, "youre so so valuable spend literally every minute of every day on this company haha" good GOD man

[evilminji]

The Anti-Ecto Acts... could literally start WW3

I am sitting here, contemplating China. The country. Literally one of THE OLDEST countries. With a truely massive population. And... I will admit my ignorance. But from what I have heard? They are big on honoring the Dead.

Their Dead.

The Dead of China. Hundreds of millions of souls. Which, statistically, would mean the average human ghost has a good chance to come from the region. And they are not alone.

Again, my ignorance curses me, but if my general knowledge is to be believed? It is a common practice in Asianic Countries. Oh sure, they won't argue there might be BAD ghosts. But that's to be expected! There are bad PEOPLE! They die.

They have monks and priests for such things. Specialists. Ancient problem, tried and true solutions. They move on and have lunch, consider what options there are for dinner. Business of the day and all that.

But THEN.

Fanatics from the West. Painting themselves as Men Of Science, not only dare to play god, but tear open a hole to THE AFTERLIFE? And start ATTACKING indiscriminately? They stand before an international stage and spew clearly bigoted pseudoscience, to justify their genocide, while ALSO letting God's and demons run roughshod over the WORLD, just so they can try to convince everyone they have the right to MURDER YOUR ANCESTORS?

They OPENED THAT GATE! They LET THEM OUT! There is a difference, culturally, for many of your countries between the soul of a dead man (powers be damned) and a SPIRIT OF LIVING STORMS.

You are not IDIOTS. Tigers are dangerous. Wolves are dangerous. But someone walking into a crowded mall and releasing frightened wild animals DOES NOT mean we go into the wilds and start killing! We charge the madmen you attacked innocent people!

The fact that tigers and wolves are dangerous IS NOT NEW. The fact that the souls of the dead are dangerous is ALSO not new! It is not malicious. It is INHERENT. A state of being. That is why they are not encouraged to linger! We love them, but this world is not built for them. It is fragile and barren, built for the living.

But dear sweet FUCK, the WROTH.

How? Many countries EXACTLY. How many religions? SPECIFICALLY honor and protect the dead. Declare in no uncertain terms, the SANCTITY of the soul?

How many people have LOST somebody? A friend, a lover, a CHILD.

And in one breath you give them hope then THREATEN it? "They may still be out there... we are going to brutally torture them to death. Because your loved ones are animals to us."

The UN would have the SINGLE most ugly, barely contained, riot imaginable. Spiritual Leaders would be tearing CHUNKS out of the US. The Pope, the Dalai Lama, you name it. You can NOT invade THE AFTERLIFE and not have it IMMEDIATELY become a religious concern.

Not to mention the international SAFETY concern. One countries actions? Unleashing beings that can effect the GLOBAL ECOSYSTEM? The ENTIRE planets weather? Plunged EVERYONE into Eternal Sleep??! How can that not be considered DILBERATE after the first one!

Your grand idea is to ANTAGONIZE them? Make MORE of them come through??

"Kill death itself". You fanatical NUTJOBS! That's not even a NEW hypothetical! That ends HORRIFICLY for literally EVERYONE. Eternal starvation, suffocation, crushing, and worse! We suck the planet dry, over populate so horrifically we end up BURIED UNDER OUR OWN CHILDREN, and suffer FOREVER without the release of death!

You fucking MORONS! Eternal life is a well known CURSE!

Their science is shaky at best, hardly peer reviewed. DEEPLY unethical. And clearly dangerous! Radioactive!!! In a population center?! How many innocent people have been exposed!?

And if the Ghost are reaching OUT? Imagine meeting long dead countrymen, who come to you fearing for their very SOULS. Who have lived in peace. Unknown to you, for CENTURIES. Who beg you, in YOUR native tounge, to help. Talks of people disappearing. Fear and desperation.

This is not to say world leaders are great and benevolent figures, free of greed or sin. Nor their governments. But it is quite another thing entirely, when they talk... and all you can think is "you are talking about my dead father. My late wife. My deceased son."

When they spew their HATE. And back hand your loved ones by doing so.

What powerful person has not lost SOMEBODY.

All this? And I have not even TOUCHED on the shit storm DC would add on top. The Drama? The IMMEDIATE near certain SMITING? You want to MURDER Superman's FAMILY??? I'd say pick a god and pray, but you've already made enemy of ALL of them.

So... good luck and get fucked?

@hdgnj @the-witchhunter @stealingyourbones @nerdpoe

[thenightisland]

in various conversations with my doctor about the insane life changing effect adhd meds have had on me one of the things he said was that it's not uncommon for people who have dysthymia/pervasive depressive disorder to have undiagnosed adhd at the root of the problem. and i think we forget that like. major depressive disorder is supposed to be something that eventually stops. it's episodic. like even people with depression very often are not in a state where it's just like. every day is a misery virtually nonstop for 15+ years. but with dysthymia/pdd it very much so is. which you can have pdd and mdd both at the same time too which is evil but anyway. it is wild enough conceptualizing that there is in fact a difference between the two things bc i very much so got depressed around age ten and just. never stopped. and when you live like that for the bulk of your life you just sort of get used to it? like it sucks but you just assume a degree of that is normal. so even on several antidepressants i never once aimed for "not depressed" i was always aiming for "mildly less miserable" i had just accepted that i would always be a degree of miserable and that my default was going to be feeling bad and if i was very lucky there might be a few days where i felt a little less bad now and then. the goal was "bearable misery" which is nuts to type out like wow! bleak!

anyway something i noticed when they started me on the adhd meds was that all the Racket in my head just. stopped. for weeks i just said to people "it's so quiet in there" because i didn't have dozens of loud competing fast thoughts all the time. and it took a while to pin down why this effect made me less depressed and worked better than literally any antidepressant had. and it's bc it /stopped thoughts/ and when i was depressed the Thoughts did not stop and they were not pleasant ones so i'd get stuck in these awful mental doom spirals and nothing i did would make it stop. and then this medicine made it stop. and it turns out it's much easier to not be sad when your brain doesn't have the Sad Channel turned up to high volume and is forcing you to deal with it clockwork-orange style. bc historically it was like oh god do we really have to do this again do we have to listen to the you will always be alone and unloved and nothing you do will ever be enough and your life will never be fulfilling in any way spiral again?? do we really have to i'm so tired. but now that channel is muted. a lot of channels have been muted. no amount of cbt/dbt techniques or various other therapy tactics had ever managed to mute those channels before.

and it's just insane it's like the thing about how stunned people with chronic pain are to learn that the normal amount of pain for someone to experience on an average day is none. it's just that but emotionally. bc even with the challenges i still have for autism reasons, most days now i'm fine. the emotional pain is zero on an average day. i now understand what people mean when they say "i'm having a bad day" bc there's a difference. but you see. all my days used to be bad. all of them. even the "good" days involved a degree of visceral emotional suffering and dread. and you don't realize how pervasive the bad is until the bad is the exception and not just an ordinary day.

i do not sit around consumed by the same thought patterns and doom spirals and mental quicksand now i'm just going about my day like an ordinary person and it's amazing how much less life /hurts/ and that's the only way i can think to put it is that every day used to hurt and it doesn't hurt now. past-me was incapable of conceptualizing a life where my baseline wasn't "profoundly and painfully sad and aching at all times" i was 100% prepared to just live like that forever!!!! and now if i have a bad day that's all it is an outlier i thought people in movies were just doing a bit when they had a "bad day" and the solution was just have a big piece of cake and cry a little and go to bed early and you'll feel better tomorrow bc i never felt better tomorrow! now i just feel better tomorrow if i have a bad day! most days the emotional pain scale is a 0/10.

like this is so long already but those of you who have been around for a long time you know how nuts this is for me. and i'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason even bad things and for a few years i've been like huh wonder what the reason is for the whole getting beaten in the head thing though. well. it exacerbated the working memory issues. and it got on my goddamn nerves. so i asked to try this medicine so i could remember to get my soup out of the microwave. and then it fixed all the problems that have plagued me since i was a small child. and now i'm able to conceptualize a day to day life that isn't just Hurting all the time when i once thought i would never do anything but hurt.

[honey-beann]

Okay this might be kind of weird, but could I request some Nines headcannons about how he is with an s/o with long hair? Idk I just feel like he might have particular interactions or things to say about it and I was curious what your take on something likke this might be?

Nines with an S/O who has long hair

Note: Hi Anon! Thanks so much for the request, I had a ton of fun with this! (and as someone with incredibly long hair, it is absolutely not self-serving in the slightest, nuh uh, no way, no how.)

(it definitely is lol).

I hope that you enjoy!

Okay so here's the thing, I know that people might assume that being in a relationship with someone who has long hair is no different than being in a relationship with someone with short/medium length hair, and in a lot of ways, they're absolutely right.

That said, being in a relationship with an android like Nines, who is far more observant than the average man, and a lot more curious about the human body and all of its particular intricacies, would definitely mean that he's more interested in/aware of the subtle impacts that hair lengths and the ways they are managed can have on life style.

For example, I think he would find it interesting how much more upkeep longer hair can require (though this also depends on texture), the increased frequency with which it seems to shed or fall out, and of course, the vast number of styling techniques and designs that can be used on longer hair.

He definitely likes to touch it a lot, and may even offer to brush it for you or help you to style it in some particular way (though there is a 90% chance that you'll have to ask him to so he doesn't risk letting you know how much he likes the feeling of it beneath his fingertips).

Absolutely will braid your hair though, and he always gets the sectioning even, so that's a huge plus.

That said, he will never cease to tease you about how inconvenient your hair can be at times.

If he ever sees you pull a hair out of your food, or find one essentially threaded into a garment of yours (or his), he will immediately remind you of your choice to wear your hair as long as you do (and you can't even argue that it isn't yours with him, because he's already scanned it to prove otherwise).

If you have any form of hair care routine outside of showering, he loves to watch you go through it, eyes both curious and amused at the same time as he takes in your techniques and learns why you utilize them.

If you don't do anything outside of the shower though, don't fret, because he is a big fan of shampooing your hair if you'll let him, and he will never fail to let you know if you should still be rinsing anything out.

"There's still shampoo on your roots" as you walk out of the bathroom, prompting you to simply turn around and start the shower up again with a sigh.

Can and will scan your hair products for bad ingredients and let you know how unwise it is to use them (though he sucks at giving positive feedback in that area, so if you want to know what might be good, you would probably have to ask him directly).

"That is going to dry out your hair."

"That isn't for your hair type."

"Reviews state that this makes consumers' hair fall out after a few weeks of use."

"There is a known carcinogen in that hair mask."

Bro is relentless in his product complaints (but it's only because he cares about the health of both you and your hair lol).

He definitely doesn't quite understand why anyone would choose to keep their hair so long if it can make caring for it so much more complex, but he certainly doesn't mind it as long as you keep letting him entertain himself by playing with it or helping you to try out new/different styles.

Oh, but regardless of whether or not you're in a relationship with him, if you work together, he absolutely loathes your long hair (at least some of the time).

Definitely thinks that it gets in the way far too often and that it's annoying that you have to take the time to put it up just to keep it away from your face during the work day.

Has absolutely been smacked with your hair before while standing behind you without you realizing.

Cannot stand it when you wine about the heat while choosing to have so much hair trapping warmth in against the back of your neck.

Has absolutely contemplated cutting it off himself before.

Becomes rather amused at watching you attempt to de-tangle it after a particularly rigorous chase or anything similar, and thinks of it as karma for you choosing to have longer hair in a field like law enforcement.

(Secretly likes finding your hairs on his work chair after you've sat in it though, and was weirdly endured when he found a hair of yours stuck to his jacket for the first time).

masterlist

AO3

[foggyparadisecandy]

"Hypnosis can't make you do what you don't want" and other lies

I'm honestly sick to death of B--bi S--ep and other abusive files being written off as harmless fun.

And I'm pretty disheartened by the number of people who speak to me and hear my warnings and think it sounds fun.

And that's how these files are so effective. They prey on people who want to bliss out and escape the stress of the real world.

But these aren't that. These files are damaging and can permanently FUCK YOU UP.

I speak from direct experience and I still struggle with no longer knowing what fantasies are mine and which were implanted.

Now some may be thinking that I'm weak or having a laugh.

Neither is true.

In many ways, I'm just like you. I'm an average person who just listened to hypno files to escape my baggage for a bit.

I just wanted to bliss out and get dumb and just ... be free of all the personal responsibilities and concerns and woes and all of it.

I've been listening to hypnosis files for over a decade with no problems.

With B--bi S--ep, I've had nothing but problems.

EROSION OF YOUR TRUE SELF IS NOT A TEMPORARY THING

This stuff is seductive and it is well done, professionally done, to make you feel good as hell. That makes you want to return again and again.

And every pass makes you want it more. It makes you intentionally forget what is being said in the files. It makes you stupider and hornier and forgetful so you forget what memories are yours and what ideas are yours.

I can tell you with 100% certainty that I can remember sucking cocks of the entire football team under the high school bleachers. And I can also tell you with 100% certainty that that did not fucking happen.

And it layers in the new personality over and over and over and over again. And it literally buries your old personality deep within you as in a box, covered up and getting smaller and weaker each time.

And even with this warning, I will have people saying "oh fuck, that sounds so hot".

Seriously ... I feel bad for you if you really think that sounds hot.

It's destructive. It's ruination. It's not healthy. It's not fun. Love yourself more!

HYPNOSIS VERSUS CONDITIONING And you might say to yourself - or as likely, hear it from a "bad daddy" trying to convince you to go deeper - "hypnosis can't make you do anything you don't want."

There is a reason why they call it the B--bi *CULT*.

If you have ever had a family member fall into a crazy conspiracy theory, you've seen it happen.

It's not a "ha ha listen to this file once and every time you hear the word PURPLE you act like a puppy" experience.

It's slow and steady conditioning process that works at you, and works at you, and works at you, to install new behaviors, new desires, new feelings, new memories, and a new dominant personality.

The end goal is full erasure of your old personality.

And I already posted about the abusers lining up the door who will have no regard for you or your well-being. They will be there - and you will seek them out! - to trigger you and push you and drive you and convince you to go further.

Stop considering it hypnosis for a moment. Go enjoy a nice hypnosis file. Get that trigger installed to bark like a dog when you hear the word "purple."

Hell - I'll join you for that and we'll have lots of laughs together.

B--bi S--ep is CONDITIONING. The term “conditioning” is even used repeatedly in the files.

It's conditioning you to the effects. Like a cult. Easing you slowly and steadily into a new set of behaviors. A new way of thinking.

This stuff works. It's been routinized and mapped out. Cults are real. Conspiracy theories abound because jerks know how they work and use the levers and systems to spread their garbage.

It's powerful. It's effective.

And you are not immune.

Play safe. I totally understand how seductive the appeal is to listen.

Find something safer. Please.

And for anyone that wants, I have a guided meditation process that I do to help you uncover your Rock of Protection that helps protect you and gives you strength - in and out of trance, no matter how deep you are. The Rock is there to help you break free and be strong against unwanted triggers and compulsions.

If you are interested in it, I'm happy to help you find it within you so you can play safely.

[yandere-fics]

Sir Raphael

♡ "Forgive me Dear Sunflower, you leave me speechless every time I see you." ♡

She's a worshipping yandere, you are the best thing to happen to her and a beast like her is truly unworthy of such a soothing presence in her life, that doesn't mean she will let you go however, while she acknowledges she has spilled too much blood to be worthy of standing near you, she is also quite jealous and very willing to spill again. Not to mention if she is a pest in your presence, anyone else is an insect who must be crushed. If she feels you drifting she will manipulate the court in any way she needs to, in order to bring who back towards her.

♡ "Call me Raffie, Dear Sunflower. It would be disgrace to have you refer to me formally." ♡

Her name is Raphael and she doesn't come from any noble family despite having been on the council of royal advisors for the last three generations. If you must refer to her formally then calling her Sir will make her blush and sputter.

♡ "I've been alive the last two centuries Dearest Sunflower, it's a tad hard to speak in definitives, especially when you ask such a question so close to my face." ♡

She's 210, she was there for the succession war but did not get involved, mostly because no one asked for her aid. No one in the kingdom even asks why she's still around anymore, she's just assumed as an average part of life. She roughly stopped aging at 31.

♡ "I have a fondness for the company of women, sadly none till you have been able to meet my... taste." ♡

She's a lesbian and everyone she's dated has had gross blood.

♡ "I'm one of the Crown Princess's closest advisors on the council, at times when she is away she expects me to know what she would like done." ♡

To be exact she is the lead advisor, she has seen how previous kings have fallen flat and makes sure Theanna has as much knowledge as she possibly can to avoid their fates.

♡ "I enjoy a nice stroll in the evening hours, perhaps a walk in the gardens when the Princess feels generous enough to allow me a stroll, sadly those strolls mean nothing if I don't have a companion with me, how about we remedy this issue?" ♡

She can walk in the sunlight however it weakens her and she feels faint and must feast afterwards to recuperate.

♡ "I despise those who would dare to not know where their place is, it irks me truly when those flies approach My Dearest Sunflower." ♡\

She also doesn't like parties very much because too many people try to suck up to her and her darling to get favors.

♡ "I'm particularly good at sniffing out which members of our court might cause extra... issues. Would you like me to tell you everyone who it would behoove you not to cohort yourself with?" ♡

She's skilled at reading people which is how she managed to come from nothing and attain such a high position amongst the kings for two centuries. She also has a very good nose and can tell who has good blood without ever biting or spilling their blood.

♡ "It truly is magnificent that I am able to be at your side, I adore you more than it is possible for you to know, you need not reciprocate, it is more than enough to be at your side Sunflower." ♡

[cressthebest]

i want to start this out by saying that if this ask is something that you are not comfortable answering or talking about please don’t answer it bc some of this might be a little personal.

i saw in one of your posts about you being ex-catholic and i was curious about that. i’m a catholic person that goes to a catholic school, in a catholic town, with a catholic family. i’ve been really thinking about being catholic recently and my problems with it. i was wondering if you could share a little of your experience with me? again if this is too personal please ignore i don’t want to pry into your life.

i promise i wasn’t ignoring this, i just suck at answering asks 😔 which is unfortunate because i love receiving asks and talking about myself

and i have no concept of person space/personal questions, so honestly it’s all chill

but my experience honestly only got worse with time. when i was little, things were more fun, as things typically are when you’re young. i was always bored in church, but i liked wearing pretty dresses and singing the songs. this post will go over a lot of uncomfortable topics and will be quite personal. you’ve been warned. blep. 👁️👅👁️

the first step, which is ignored for a long time was drumroll …. masturbation. i didn’t learn about it from books or fanfic or porn or anything. i was just a kid (maybe 13) and figuring out my body, which included being curious about why touching down there in certain ways felt good. once i realized what it was and that it was a sin, i started to struggle a lot. 1. it felt good and i didn’t want to stop feeling good in that way. 2. but it’s a sin and god did not approve.

for non-catholics reading, in catholicism we do something called confession. it’s where we go to a priest and tell him all our sins. the priest acts as god, and when you tell him this, it’s basically telling god. he then forgives you and gives you a penance, which is typically just a set of prayers to say. and they’re NOT ALLOWED to tell anyone else your sins.

well i was a regular confession attendee, but i could never bear to tell the priest that i had masturbated. lots of times i would cry after masturbating and was worried about going to hell, because i wasn’t stopping. i couldn’t figure out how to abstain from this habit (that quite frankly i didn’t even indulge in very much). lots of tears and fear associated with something that is supposed to feel good.

i can’t remember if i eventually resolved that i wouldn’t stop even tho it was a sin, or if i struggled with this up until i stopped believing in general.

it honestly started to go downhill the most once covid hit. (i was about 14) school closed, and so my mother decided that her kids (all six of us) would be homeschooled from now on. the homeschooling was the second step. she decided it would be best for our family to be catholic homeschooled. all of our books were Seton Homeschooling. any catholic homeschooler has probably heard of this program, even if they never used it. this program taught me a hella lot more about the faith. and me being autistic, this definitely became a hyperfixation. i learned a lot tbh. i probably know more about catholicism than the average practicing catholic.

knowing a lot about the faith caused me to find lots of weird “plot holes” and lots of contradictions. my faith was beginning to waiver, but i was learning everything i could about the faith, trying to answer my questions. honestly, i was starting to lose my grip on the faith.

covid being covid, this was the time i started to discover my sexuality. asexuality came first. it was a struggle to come to terms with, but i found out that there were gay people who were still catholic and i found temporary comfort in that community. i determined that my asexuality was actually a blessing from god. (he gave it to me because if i wasn’t asexual, i probably would have had sex before marriage because i love so fiercely and fully. so he gave asexuality to me so i could prevent myself from the sin of premarital sex. looking back, i think that’s a load of bullshit considering i’m actually demisexual lmao)

but then i had a ✨bi awakening✨which coincidentally took place in a church. a very pretty girl passed me in church and i forgot how to breathe lol. anyways, i left that church knowing something new about me. by the end of the week, i was thinking of myself as bi. i actually started dating this girl a few months later. funny enough, i felt like god had blessed our relationship and didn’t condemn it, simply because he allowed me to meet a girl named MARY in his CHURCH. so u felt like our relationship wasn’t a sin. she was catholic as well. we were quite the pair.

at this point, i was grasping at threads trying to find a reason to still be catholic. the next big incident snapped the thread. my best freind (catholic) told me that my relationship with mary was a sin and she couldn’t support it. i hung up with her lol. she called back and i said i’d only stay on the phone if she wasn’t mean. she proceeded to pull out a script she wrote to tell me how this was a sin and the guilty feelings i was having was because deep down i knew it was a sin. (it was just internalized homophobia). i hung up again. she texted me a long script and said i was going to hell. i blocked her.

here’s the part where the issue unfolds. she told her mom the situation, and her mom called my mom. she outed me to my mother. that night, not only did i lose my best friend and my girlfriend, but also any sense of comfort i felt in my house for about three years. (don’t worry for my safety. mother took away lots of my privileges such as internet, friends coming over, me being able to text most of my friends, going to my friend’s places, sleepovers, etc. but it was never unsafe for me) but that incident was probably the final drop that made the bucket overflow. i stopped believing in god sometime after that.

my loss of faith and discovery of sexuality are tied together and i cannot separate those journeys. however, i do believe that even without a sexuality discovery, i would have realized i didn’t believe in catholicism any more.

knowing as much as i did about catholicism, combined with my firm-proof-needing autism, and my sexuality discovery, all led me to lose the faith. after leaving it, i began to despise it, while also feeling guilty. it took many years to become okay with no longer being catholic.

though i would also like to note that even the catholic institution is quite corrupt and i hate organized church, i don’t hate people for being catholic. it makes me wary at first, but catholicism and god are not the issues. i don’t hate on people for being catholic or believing, nor do i want to belittle their faith. however, i feel like the catholic community is corrupt.

i don’t want to encourage you in either direction. do what’s best for you and what would help you be the best person and most happy in your life. i encourage you to question things and be curious about the faith. it might make your faith stronger, and you will be happy you did it, or you will realize this isn’t something you want to spend time on anymore. it’s up to you. and it may take YEARS to figure out. be kind to yourself and to others, and i guarantee it will be okay. no matter what you discover, you’ll have a community waiting for you.

as an end note, i’d like to add that you can ask any follow up questions you please. i’m willing to answer anything. if you require clarification on anything, just shoot an ask. i am aware that i wrote this while very sick with strep and honestly some of this might not make sense.

[sheryllee]

i think one reason peaks makes people so uncomfortable is that it's a very empathetic show, and it's full of righteous anger, and yet it still... does not 'matter' what kind of person you are when you're a character on it --- which is to say, it does [angel the series vc] MATTER, but being deserving won't save you. no one gets a happy ending because they earn it: no one really gets a 'happy ending', period, or even really any ending at all. everyone just gets, well, life. you'll probably be dealt whatever the most likely fate in your path is if there's nobody there to move you out of it. i think that people incorrectly think the 'goal' of the show was, you know, We Will Stop This From Happening Again. i think that a lot of other people incorrectly think the 'goal' of the show is to basically paint a cynical [and misogynistic] portrait of the world where everything gets worse forever. and it's just... neither of those things? at all? rather, the point is more that we owe it to ourselves to try to make things better for each other. regardless of how hopeless it seems. regardless of what the consequences might be, or even how long it's been. the point is that that's the only power any of us have. there's no room for cynicism in twin peaks: in plenty of the characters, sure, inevitably, but not within the narrative itself. things are constantly happening that shouldn't happen, things there's no excuse for or that just suck. sometimes there's nothing we could have done about them. sometimes there's plenty we could have done, but didn't. sometimes we do everything we can do, and it still all goes to hell --- but that's still a better way to live than just not caring, is the message.

i understand why a lot of people don't like it --- that's normal, i think. it's not usually much fun to watch. it took me several tries, and even then, for a while there, i mostly just bitched about everything. i hated the return the first time i saw it (this being my favorite season by about ten miles). it's triggering as all hell. it's also not remotely rewarding in the same way most things we enjoy are. but i kind of think that is the reward, too: to get to inhabit a world where you have no choice but to be reminded that there are always --- literally, no matter what, always --- completely average People Like Us who are trying, and who will try, and who won't stop trying. who will make you want to try, too. and that really feels like a rare sort of media privilege to me.

[rwby-is-the-best]

thinking about how differently ruby's life could have been had she not gone to beacon two years early

she was a prodigy & moving two years ahead she was still mostly above average in fighting skill (i think), so back in signal she might get to pyrrha nikos levels of skill. and she'd still have all her mysterious signal friends, of which I'm guessing there are at least four (she'd been going there for a while, probably long enough to outweigh the awkwardness?) and signal doesn't assign teams so she might have a bunch of friends she could work not quite as well with but more people overall to keep in touch with after the fall of beacon. since signal is more of a high school than a university, there's probably more locals going there than out-of-country students, and i got the feeling patch was pretty close to it since both tai and qrow taught there, so after communication is down, ruby would still be able to meet with most of her friends.

i think if ruby didn't use her silver eyes, qrow wouldn't have broken the news about everything to her unless he really thought they were already halfway to the endgame. instead he'd focus on training both his nieces and prepare them for what's coming as best as he could.

I don't think yang would ride out looking for her mom if ruby is still there, due to the responsibility of looking after ruby and also a big part of why she found raven was just to get to ruby, so maybe instead they'd set out together with a route that stops through every town they have a friend in, and they check up on as many friends as possible and they distribute supplies and messages and accumulate team members that way, until they inevitably get sucked into the ozpin problems again.

or maybe they stay at the house, qrow running around picking up intel and arguing with raven while tai pushes up his sleeves and goes back to teaching. ruby goes to school. yang misses her friends. she might try teaching at signal, but her unresolved inner turmoil would make it not go well. no, they'd have to set out eventually.

maybe after a long trip of uncovering secrets and finding people, ruby and yang hug each other and then go their separate ways, yang getting her team(s) together (not forgetting JNPR) (hahah maybe weiss successfully got to pyrrha this time and it's team PWBY) (ozpin would not make pyrrha leader. or weiss. BWPY, pronounced blupee) and ruby working with her network of undergrad huntresses, both groups chasing down different ends of the Lore until they're united again, both groups stronger than before but also irreversibly changed. i feel like the beacon + white fang gang could handle the haven academy finale without ruby, and then ruby and co could take down the leviathan or something, and then both groups work together in atlas to evacuate everyone but people still fall and there's still volume 9.

would ruby still be under so much pressure if she hadn't gone to beacon? would the weight of leading all those students and having silver eyes still weigh as much if she'd had more time to be a kid? to make mistakes? she'd still have that following-in-her-mom's-footsteps-a-little-too-closely problem, which is a pretty big one. but with more time with normaller knees, with tai and qrow preparing her as best as they can...

she might still be doomed even then

[momotonescreaming]

I'm absolutely obsessed with your latest story. This was exactly how I imagine those two would interact.

I don't get the notion why people insist Nancy would be a good teacher and tutor the others. I mean she is smart, but also too literal. She follows things to a tee and if you question anything she says she would blame it on you not getting it. She's not someone who thinks too much out of the box, which is required for being a good teacher. And with Eddie struggling so hard to graduate, she would make things worse lol. Both wouldn't get the other, which would lead to a huge fight.

And I don't mean that to hate on Nancy, in fact I might be heavily projecting here because I'm kinda the same. I was above average in school but I could never teach anyone anything because I had only one way and if people didn't get it I couldn't really help. Tho I wouldn't make passive aggressive comments like Nancy I would apologize all the time for not being more helpful lmao (bc I'm a people pleaser lol)

But yes also if you think Nancy would like Eddie after witnessing his probably daily speeches in the cafeteria that we live in a society? Girl would run out before Eddie set his first foot on the table. (Also again heavily projecting here because I would run out because Eddie would be too much to handle for me. Robin I could handle because she is like my best friend but Eddie? He would drive me insane lmao) Those two are polar opposites and I love reading about the tensions. <333

thank you so much for the ask nonnie! and thank you for reading and liking my lil ficlet 🥺🥺🥺 every time someone says thats exactly how they picture eddie and nancy I get a little bit stronger

I feel like a lot of people automatically assume that smart= good teacher, when you're right, that couldn't be further from the truth. You need to be adaptable, have creative thinking, you need to admit that you can't be right all the time in order to be a teacher. And Nancy does not have that. You're 100% right that Nancy is a steamroller, she is on train tracks. If you don't follow her way (the right way, according to her) then you're wrong. You're not getting it. You're just not trying, because there's no way that she's admitting that she can be wrong.

That's not automatically a bad thing! Thank you for sharing! I totally understand you're not trying to hate on Nancy. Neither am I. You can like a character, can think they're interesting, and point out their flaws at the same time. She's a teenager! She's very particular! She likes things in order! And that's not bad! It's what you do with it, and how you let it affect your life - that's where the issues arise.

And oh my god the cafeteria speeches. She'd hate him. She'd think he's annoying and unhygienic, standing on tables like he does. Putting his shoes where people eat? Ew. She'd sit there silently judging and hoping for him to shut up and sit down. She'd hope he graduates already so he can get out of her hair. (Then of course they get lumped together with the Upside Down).

When Eddie was deep in his high school hierarchy bullshit - he'd think Nancy was a suck up conformist for getting good grades and going after the most popular guy in school. But in S4 he changes! He realises that he's been making assumptions based on nothing! He gets along with Steve! And idk I don't see Nancy changing that much. At least, not with the way canon has her at the moment. Because she doesn't lol. Yeah, she has guns now, but she's still a steamroller of a woman who can't see any other way than hers.

Idk they're very different people! They're complicated! And I think the upside down would make them end up as friendly acquaintances, but that's it

[disablednotdifferent]

Hello Friends!

it is I, Orion. It has been a while since I have checked in with you all, and I am so sorry for that! However, I do have a reason.

Just today, I found out that i have covid. I am currently writing this post curled up in bed, fighting off Nyquil because I do not want to sleep. I have been sick for a few days now, but JUST tested positive for covid today. This is my 5th or 6th time getting covid, so while I’m used to this, it still is awful.

The kicker is, covid affects me differently than most people because of my chronic illness/pain.

So you might be asking, “Orion, How does it affect you differently ?? I thought everyone got sick the same way!” Dear reader, I am glad you asked! Here is a list of 4 things that happen to me when I get covid, and why this is my actual living nightmare right now.

1. My Pain

Because I have covid, my tolerance for pain has decreased, while my pain has skyrocketed. This means it’s very difficult for me to get around, and especially makes going up and down my stairs hurt more than it usually does.

2. The Length

Most folks only get sick for a few days, normally averaging somewhere between 4-6 days ill. However, for me, I can be sick for up to two weeks, sometimes even longer. Last time I had covid, I was sick for a week and a half. I have no clue how long this time will last, but I will keep you updated!

3. My Symptoms

Like a lot of other chronically ill persons, covid symptoms tend to stay with us for up to a month after we get over covid. This means my cough, runny nose, and terrible headache can last for a long long time, even after I’ve tested negative more than once.

4. My Fever

Yes, technically a fever falls under symptoms, but I’m also giving it it’s own section for a reason. At the moment, I’m in a pain flare up, which already causes me to have a low fever pretty often. With Covid, this fever can possibly shoot up to 102* F (38.3* C), or sometimes even higher. Once, I got up to a 105* F (41.1* C), and I had to take a lovely trip to the emergency room that day.

So, with all of those and more combined, what do I do to stay safe and comfortable during these nightmare-ish times ? I’m glad you asked!

1. Stay hydrated

Currently, I keep a big water bottle full of water with electrolytes in it next to me while I’m in bed, to make sure I stay as hydrated as possible. It helps that the electrolytes are flavored to be lemon, which is a flavor I quite enjoy, especially when I’m sick.

2. Stay Cozy

I will admit, I have not changed out of pajamas and a hoodie all day today. I like to stay comfortable when I’m in pain & very sick, and so I usually end up rotating the same several pajamas (washing the ones I’m not wearing if I’m able to get up) to make sure I stay in clothes that I like.

3. Wait it out

This one is my least favorite. No matter how comfortable or hydrated I am, in the end, I have to just wait it out until I feel better. This part sucks, as I’m in pain and violently sick, etc etc. But, at the end of the day, time will eventually be on my side, and hopefully this will go away shortly.

So again, I apologize for my lack of posts. Covid kicks my butt every time!

I will hopefully be able to keep up with posting a little more consistently once I’m over this, but until then, I am giving into my nyquil, and giving up on staying awake.

Lots of Love!

~Disabled not Different

(QUESTION OF THE POST!

What are some things you do to take care of yourself when you’re sick? Let me know!)

[thefourfan]

sorry for sending a uh message again but

i feel like animaticlock is dying or som???

it doesn't hzve a lot of content for it/about it anymore

i feel like this is due to people just getting tired of the ship of hyperfixating on different things, like im obsessed with gravity falls rn. But I still somewhat like animaticlock?

idk it just doesn't make me as happy as it used to..

and it's rlly a shame cause i like both shows but im really just getting tired of it

same with the shows,,,, but that's only because i rewatched them too much lol

its a shame the ship is dying tbh

me when the when

random but

yapper x listener ahh gif 😭😭🙏🙏

Yeah I've been noticing that too...

It's been frustrating me a little bit because I still very much have a hyperfixation on the ship and it's been becoming increasingly harder to find new content of it 😭

Ofc, people can move on from Animaticlock if they want, it's their accounts and they can do whatever makes them happy but MAN I'm starving out here ×_×

I've also noticed that whenever people do post stuff for the ship now, it gets significantly less attention than it did back in June.

I calculated some statistics to see what the average number of notes for posts under the Animaticlock tag during this month so far are compared to the first 12 days of June:

Average for August: 14 notes

Number of August posts: 17

Average for June: 92 notes

Number of June posts: 18

Surprisingly the number of posts in the first 12 days of these two months were about the same, but as I suspected, the attention these posts received significantly declined. Keep in mind that these time periods are only 2 months apart from one another!

Aninaticlock is absolutely on a decline right now, which sucks for everyone who's still hooked on the ship but I think we should've seen this coming:

I agree with you, I think people are getting tired of it, and I think I might know the reason why. Animaticlock is a crosship, and thing with crosships is that they, in almost all circumstances, NEVER get any sort of canon interactions. While we did get two crossover videos involving the actual voice actors, this videos aren't canonical. While some people can will through that and stay fully invested in a ship like that, a lot of people can't. A lot of people need at least some sort of canon interaction to keep them excited in the ship because it makes it way easier to see exactly what their dynamic is like.

Animaticlock is special in the way that it managed to become a popular ship at all despite this. However, it was still unlikely that most shippers would continue to be as into the ship as they were when they first got hooked on it because of what I explained about crosships earlier (plus other reasons like getting new interests/hyperfixations that pull them away from it), so it was nearly guaranteed to have a decline, and that's exactly what's happening right now.

I'll still continue to make more Animaticlock stuff despite this tho, dw lol I'm not done with the ship yet

Also I literally love that GIF sm it's so SILLY ^_^

[houseofbrat]

I suspect she is going to be more reclusive for the next year or two.

Why do you think that? Apart from ending the treatment and then taking some time to recover (weight, body, etc?). Do you think she is pissed with W/KP or else to take such decision? Or why?

Also, do you really think that Will semi-hiding is due to not face more people in public? Anxiety? Not wanting to answer to people when they ask about K (controlling privacy)?

For one, KP's statements in this whole debacle starting from the beginning of the year don't hold up to scrutiny.

KP comms team have said that William missed Constantine's memorial service on 27 Feb due to finding out about Kate's cancer diagnosis. They also said she started her "preventative chemotherapy" at the end of February. However, William was able to still work and do his regular light load of engagements at the end of February and early March when this supposedly happened.

Usually when people start a huge regimen of chemo, supportive family members & friends take time off at the beginning because there are so many unknowns going through the first round. That's not to say that people cannot take time off later as things progress, but usually the first day of school is a big deal, not the twelfth.

So Workshy Will was working when Kate was allegedly recovering from her first round of "preventative chemotherapy," if you examine their timeline. Hmm, okay.

Second, as I said before, "I’ve never heard of a person undergoing “preventative chemotherapy” needing extensive renovations to their personal real estate to improve their health, particularly when they already have above average living space." I have no doubt The Sun's real estate sources are correct in that Will & Kate are renovating and extending out the Adelaide Cottage building, but the added notes of Kate needs it to help her recovery are complete bullshit. The only reason that is in there is because Kate is not going to be out in public much of this year. KP comms team is doing positive leaks like this one right now because they can. Well, before she becomes a pariah and people don't want to see her. If you read that Sun article again, you'll realize the undertone is that Kate needs to be away in a protective bubble away from the public for a significant period of time. KP knows it, and so do some other people. And it's clearly a longer period of time than anyone would need for "preventative chemotherapy."

Three, yes, William is going to semi-hide from the public. He can't completely hide from the public because he's not dying, and he doesn't have a valid excuse to not be in public, unlike Kate right now. William has always been an anxious person, even though his die-hard fans can't admit it. So, yeah, I'm not surprised he's going to semi-hide from the public. He'll do the big engagements, such as Trooping, Garter, etc., because he doesn't have to engage with the public. Doubtful he'll do Wimbledon because Kate clearly isn't going to go to Wimbledon. They have to interact with members of the public at Wimby, which is why it's not going to happen.

Will & Kate don't want people yelling at them. Will might be able to suck it up and take it right now, but there is no way that Kate would be able to muster through something like that until next year. Maybe.

[arodabi]

I got oc brain rot so I’m just gonna ramble about stuff below the cut

I’m trying to force myself to share my ideas more lol

So main plot line is a guy wakes up in the woods at night next to a body who’s clearly been shot in the head, also he’s holding the gun. Unfortunately he has like zero memory at all, no idea who he is or where he is. He also feels like shit because he’s been hit in the head and shot in the shoulder. He also can tell something is wrong with his left eye and feels bandages around it but doesn’t want to mess with anything. He tries to look around to piece together what happened but it starts to rain and something about the woods make him uneasy. He takes the dead guys jacket bc it’s not like he’s using it and starts walking. As he’s walking he finds a business card in the pocket. He takes it out and can just barely make out the writing in the faint moonlight. It’s for a private investigator named Edward Lawson. He tries to think of if it sounds familiar but still can’t remember anything. He figures he can investigate later and puts it away. He starts to hear more and more strange noises through the trees and walks faster and faster until he’s running. He makes a turn around a tree and runs right into a large man. The guy looks normal except he’s wearing an old gas mask with tubes connected to nothing. The guy helps him up and tells him there’s a town not too far and that he’ll take him there to see the doctor. The man introduces himself and asks for main guys name. He panics and can only think about the card he found so he says his name is Edward. They head into town and it’s like a normal average small town except everyone’s wearing gas masks. Everyone looks at Edward weird, at least he assumes they’re giving him weird looks but they’re all wearing the masks so it’s just The Vibe. The guy takes him to a house and tells him the doctor there can help him and leaves to do small town farmer stuff. The doctor answers the door and he’s also wearing a gas mask but once he welcomes Edward in he takes it off. When asked about the masks he says it’s a part of the local religion. He doesn’t follow it but it’s better just to wear one out in public and blend in. Edward introduces himself the best he can and the doctor gives him a strange look for a second before introducing himself. He looks over Edward and does minor wound cleaning. As he’s doing it though Edward notices he’s not really acting like a doctor would. He keeps getting minor things wrong and stuff. Also Edward has no idea why he knows any of the medical stuff. They chat a bit and then Edward decides to come clean about waking up in the woods with no memory. He does leave out the dead guy he might have shot though. The doctor acts really surprised about the story and then excuses himself. Edward uses this time to snoop around the room. He finds a bunch of weird writings and stuff that looks like a bible but it’s just full of weird passages and math and schematics for machines. He’s starting to get freaked out again and decides to just book it. He leaves the room and tries to find a way out of the house. He passes a window and below he can see the doctor talking to another townsperson. He looks really upset and when Edward tries to listen through the glass he swears that he can hear the man talking about him. He looks for any way he can to get out and finds a window on the back side of the house overlooking the roof of the lower floor. He finds another gas mask hanging in one of the rooms and grabs it before climbing out the window and down to the ground, which sucks bc he was just shot in the arm and undisclosed amount of time ago. He puts the gas mask on hoping it will help him blend in in the town. As he’s running away from the house though the doctor spots him and chases after him along with some other towns people. Edward runs through the town which it’s pretty lively considering it’s very late at night. Eventually he looses the doctor in the crowd ducks back into the woods. He pulled off the gas mask so he can see better and stuffs it into the jacket pocket. He keeps running for what feels like ages until his feet hit something that looks like a dirt road.

Without many good options he picks a direction and follows the road. After a little while a truck pulls up and the man inside asks him what the hell he’s doing so far out at this time of night. Edward panics and says he was on a hike. The guy in the truck clearly doesn’t buy it and starts to drive away. Edward jumps in front of the truck to stop the guy and starts spinning a story about being ditched in the woods by his wife who found out he was cheating on her. The driver starts laughing but seemingly believes him. He makes some probably nasty jokes about Edwards supposed wife and then tells him he can drive him into the next town since he’s heading that way anyways. They talk about whatever, just awkward small talk stuff. Edwards freaking out the whole time bc he still has zero memory of anything and is just lying out of his ass. The guy asks about his eye and he tries his best to brush it off as a work accident. Eventually they reach the town and the driver drops him off on Main Street. Edward finds the only place open, a bar, and stumbles in looking so fucking terrible at this point. He sits at a table in the corner and pulls out everything he has in his pocket. He has the business card, the gas mask, the gun he woke up holding, a note that looks like it has a place and time scribbled on it, a note book with any pages with writing ripped out, a pen, some cash, a lighter and some cigarettes. He lights one of the cigarettes and just sits and thinks for a moment. He decides the best option is to find the PI that he has the business card of. Options are either the PI is the guy he killed, the PI is actually him, or he’s a completely separate guy but also maybe he can help bc he’s an investigator. Edward asks the bartender where a hotel is around here and gets pointed towards a place a couple of doors down. Edward heads towards there and as he does passes a 24 hour drug store. He stops in and grabs some bandages and stuff and then heads to the hotel. He books a room and is handed the key. He goes up to his room and does a more thorough job cleaning his wounds. The wound on his eye looks older, maybe a week or two out. It looks like something tried to claw his eye out. After that he does his best to clean his clothes up and then goes to sleep. He wakes up in the mid morning and lays there a while trying to remember something past the night before but can’t. He can also tell that his memory from the night is already getting weird and fuzzy so he writes out everything he can remember in the notebook. After that he gets up, tries to clean up as much as he can and goes to find some breakfast. He’s starving and literally cannot remember the last time he ate. He finds a diner and gets food and coffee. He tries to casually ask the waiter where he is without it coming across as weird but it totally comes across as weird. He then asks how far away the place is listed on the business card. She says it’s not too far if you take the train and gives him directions to the train station. He heads there after eating and books a ticket on the next train. He has an uneventful train ride, idk maybe stuff happens. When he gets to the city he takes a taxi to the address and finds the office of Edward Lawson. He goes inside and the whole place is completely trashed. There’s papers everywhere, the furniture is all turned over and some of it is broken, just total mess. He steps out again and heard someone behind him calling for him, calling him Edward. He turns around and sees and older lady stepping out from a door on the other side of the road. He looks at the sign above the door and it says it’s a mortuary. She walks over to him and starts asking him where he’s been and that he looks terrible. He tries to be cool and pretend like he knows what she’s talking about but she looks at him so strangely and then burst out laughing, saying it must have been a hell of a couple days. She then asks if he’s drunk because the only time she’s seen him without a scowl was when he was drunk. He tries to course correct and act gruffer and stuff.

She eventually stops laughing and then asks what his brother was up to. He asks her to elaborate and she says she saw a man and two other weirdos going through his office and taking boxes out. When she asked them about it the main guy said he was Edwards brother and showed her some paperwork to try and prove it. Said he was sending some case files to him while he was away. She didn’t buy it but didn’t want to intervene just in case he was telling the truth. Edward asks why she described the other people as weirdos and she said they were both wearing gas masks. He starts kinda freaking out and shows her the office. She swears and apologizes for not stopping them. Edward feels like all the hope he had to figure this out was ripped away. The lady says at least they didn’t get your safe. He looks at her quizzically and she says the safe you made me store in my place because you’re paranoid. She goes to show him but he realizes there’s a lock on it, because it’s a safe. He asks her if she knows the combination and she laughs. She looks at him weird again and asks if he’s feeling okay for real. He shrugs her off and heads back to the office to see if he could find anything that got left behind.

And that’s it for the plot so far. Idk i got a lot more ideas but they’re not on the timeline yet lol. Also i gotta figure out how to draw everyone. And fix up the names. (Also obvi this is just me spitting ideas, not actually writing in tone, I prommy I’m a barely competent writer) The base idea came from me marathoning malevolent and miracle musical back to back. And also from me being sad tma never did much w the extinction plotline. And also all the psychological thriller movies and horrific scientific shit I’ve been watching.

Other ideas for it too are a nuclear religion based of evangelicals and some really fucked up science stuff. Also all this takes place in the 1930s-40s time period. 

Anyways yeah

[liminal-librarian]

This is why, so many people advised my generation (I'm about 40) "not to go to school if we didn't understand what we were getting out of it."

There were also many who were not aware of the price of tuition trend who advised me to go, working off nothing more than the average earning power of every level of education. (I'm not going to say some degrees are worthless, because that is not true. But some degrees are overrepresented compared to positions available and some are underrepresented.)

A surprising number of available positions are considered "High School Diploma required" but since many high schools have turned into college prep schools instead of high schools, and therefore no longer teach machine shop or welding or basic electrical work to the level of certification anymore. It's gotten to the point that there's no point in going to high school either.

Go down to your library, or used bookstore, (or amazon.com) and find some technical manuals in whatever subject you want jewellery making, or welding, or beekeeping. Or go down to your county courthouse and find the building inspector's office, and buy a copy of the building code, and just read it.

It won't give you practice doing any of the techniques, but you'll have an idea of the range of skills it would take to be competent in the field. Give you a lot more information about which fields you might want to get into or stay out of than you might get any other way. Then walk into a place of business like that, get a summer internship, look around for who's having the most fun, and find out what it takes to have that position, (education-wise, certification-wise, stress levels, work/life balance-wise, etc), whether you still want it / and think you can manage that. etc.

And the ridiculous part is that technical education(STEM) is exactly how we won the world wars and the Cold War, we know that's what it takes to keep the standard of living moving forward, but we've let two or three generations of youth see that banking and investing, instead of being a basic utility that is meant to lubricate industry for everyone, turn into a many-tentacled leach monster that is sucking it all dry. And when there weren't enough banking jobs available, and not enough people willing to say, investing (not speculating) is actually hard tedious work, but mostly just takes a lot of algebra, here's Securities Analysis 2nd Edition by Graham and Dodd. The Bible of Investing.

Or you can learn calculus and business communication and go into Engineering. Or statistics and go into biology. or both and go into Physics.

But no, of course not, you don't need to learn anything, just buy whatever feels right without doing market research on how you're going to help people with it and lose your shirt in crypto or college debt.

It's not the bank's fault that the car salesman is predatory, nor the car salesman's fault that banks are predatory, but together you cannot trust them.

Same with colleges and banks.

Colleges ought to be saying, Don't trust banks, use this worksheet to calculate the real cost of borrowing money, against the real cost of taking longer to finish your degree if you just take night school. Etc. (Do you already have a job that would allow you to take night school or whatever? How much is that salary?) How much farther ahead or behind will you be at the end of each year for ten years?

The speech I heard for my college orientation went like this: You are all here because you like learning, and you don't mind working, (or vice versa) and you've chosen one of the narrow ranges of fields that are currently growth fields. (smart choice)

But!

You won't get rich working.

Let me say that again.

You won't get rich working.

(Money comes to those who help people.)

You get more money by helping MORE people.

You will get wealthy by leveraging your own specialisation to better help more people. (Several examples to convince us that by the time we graduate, we should be hiring each other for each other's specialties, rather than trying to be independent generalists.)

Also, you can become wealthy by patiently leveraging your growing net worth to help more people help other people. (Which neatly includes, growing your business, investing in other people's businesses, and repairing and managing real estate.)

(A quick example of how he bought broken-down real estate, fixed it up, and found people who actually needed it, to sell it to.)

And then he wrapped up with a tour of the college and help getting our library cards.

They just want there to always be a class of people who are forever in debt. Whether it's chattel slavery, prison, student loan debt, medical debt, renters who will never be able to own a house, etc.

[infizero]

pokespe reread: gold, silver & crystal chapter - closing thoughts! 🟡⚪💎

finally i've reached the end of gold silver & crystal!! this arc has SO much packed into it and there's so much to talk about, its a little overwhelming;;

7 dexholders to keep track of, the switch over to yamamoto as artist, and of course lots of action and character development across what is still the longest arc in the whole series......

i had a blast rereading this chapter in particular and also have a lot i want to talk about, so let's go ahead and get into it!!

first i wanna talk about our main man gold here since i love him so much and also he sucks <3

i specifically wanted to highlight how different he is from red. you might assume they're kinda similar at first, but gold is so much more selfish and rude than red ever was. and i mean that as a positive thing, it makes him more interesting imo. i like that gold often helps people out for more selfish reasons, and so when he runs into someone like silver for instance just saving someone because it's the right thing to do he's like "WTF MAN STOP STEALING GIRLS FROM ME" and silver is just like ?

it is sort of hard to tell how much of his obnoxious behavior is actually supposed to be read as bad? like him groping blue near the end, or him being misogynistic to crystal when they first meet. i think it is clear though that the narrative views him as flawed even if not specifically for those traits, so i think it's fine idk

also for me at least it doesn't make him feel unredeemable or anything lol. gold is literally 10 years old here and while it doesn't excuse his behavior, i think it's fairly easy to read it as him just being ur average 10 year old boy who's just acting like how he's seen around him. he'll grow out of it guys i swear

speaking of how our environment shapes our worldviews, i love love LOVE how gold and silver are set up as being like total opposites in terms of how they grew up and how that influences their behavior (and you know what they say about opposites)

right away we learn that gold grew up in a loving home full of pokemon who he views as being like his family. everyone in town knows him and likes him, etc etc. this is perfect set-up for everything we learn later about silver and is part of why they clash so hard, i rlly rlly like it.

and speaking of gold and silver, i have so much i want to say (and HAVE said) about their dynamic and how it evolves over the course of the chapter

i just love these two so much and the state of their relationship at the beginning compared to the end of the chapter is like. actually insane. im obsessed with how gold goes from following silver so he can catch him and bring him to justice, to not really caring about that anymore and just wanting to know wtf his deal is, to wanting to help him so bad that he literally refuses to let him fight on his own even when silver specifically tells him to

^ "i don't care who he's going up against... i still don't see why he has to fight alone" THIS LINE IS CRAZYYYYYYYY

i love how they start out absolutely hating each other but keep having to work together for plot reasons, and progressively get friendlier and friendlier with each other. i'd honestly argue that even though it's a similar rivals to friends kind of arc, i'd say they're actually far closer/care about each other more by the end of GSC than red and green were at the end of RGB.

one of the standout examples of this, and i'd say one of my favorite scenes in the whole chapter, has to be when they run into the masked man together for the first time.

pryce threatening GOLD in order to keep silver down, and that being the context in which he berates silver for having compassion is crazyyyyy like. ok. so we're saying he cares about gold and pryce is using that again him. ok cool cool (walks into the ocean)

AND THE WAY THAT GOLD STICKS UP FOR SILVER AND SAYS THAT PRYCE IS WRONG AND SILVER IS STRONG...... they actually make me crazy.

it really is crazy how much their relationship develops, like they're at each other's throats in the beginning and then by the end of the chapter silver's blindly rushing into danger to try and save him and asking if the reason gold is fighting is for him <- this is still so fucking gay WHY DID HE SAY THIS. UNPROMPTED. THIS LINE HAS HAUNTED ME FOR YEARS WHAT IS THE STRAIGHT EXPLANATION FOR THIS

also gold being the one to bail silver out at the end when he was the one who wanted to catch him at the beginning..... sooooo good i love that kind of circular shit (this chapter has a lot of that, which i'll get into more later)

also before i shut up about preciousmetal. i've gotta shout out this underrated moment where gold becomes furious at the idea of silver getting hurt

^ "if you've hurt him-!" SINCE WHEN ARE WE SO PROTECTIVE OF HIM. I THOUGHT YOU HATED HIS ASS

ANYWAYS. i also love the thing of the starters all being friends who get separated from each other. i think that's really cute and adds further depth to the dynamic between gold silver and crystal

SPEAKING OF WHICH, i wanna talk about crystal's introduction.

first off i wanna say that I FUCKING LOVE CRYSTAL OK. do not get me wrong i love her and i love seeing her in action here

i do think though that her introduction definitely makes the pacing feel weird. building up gold and silver and the rest of the dexholders' stories for 2 volumes only to abruptly switch to a new character's story....

one, it makes the story kinda feel less tight/cohesive overall (it feels kind of like a random side quest, even tho it does obviously have significance) and two, while i love crystal, they're not doing her any favors by interrupting the preexisting characters' stories to suddenly focus on her, a completely new character, for sooooo long.

i enjoy this part of the chapter but it definitely does feel a little out of place, and i think it'd feel even more weird for a first time reader since they wouldn't already be familiar with crystal

while talking about this part of the chapter though, i also want to say that this was probably the best time yamamoto could've replaced mato as artist if it had to be in the middle of a chapter. it comes as soon as we transition over to crystal for a while, meaning we don't see characters like gold and silver in the new style until we've already gotten used to it, which i think is a great little bit of luck(?)

also while talking about crystal ummmm her mom sucks i still hate her. she's irresponsible and somehow doesnt give crystal enough attention while also having the attention she does give her being unnecessarily rough. booooo

speaking of people i hate, HELLO MASKED MAN. he sucks so fucking bad. he is SUCH an interesting and intimidating villain, i love his role in this chapter. his design is so cool, and him taking control of what remains of team rocket is such a great way to tie those two plot points together. he's just fun to hate, and they even managed to give him more depth as a character WITHOUT trying to actually redeem him. also HE FUCKING ACTUALLY DIES THANK GOD!!!!!!! norman take notes

i will say that once you meet pryce, it's kinda obvious he's the masked man LOL. i mean i cant speak from the perspective of someone who didnt already know that when reading but it seems kinda obvious to me lol. though when you see him and the masked man at 2 different places at once during the tournament, it does sort of reintroduce that doubt and kinda fakes you out that maybe they aren't the same person. so idk i think the mystery element is fine lol. esp since we dont meet pryce for a while anyway

and now let's talk about the poor kids who had to deal with this fucking guy. oh my god blue and silver make me want to throw up and die in this chapter its gonna be so hard for me to put this into actual words but i will try

ok first to get it out of the way. i had NO MEMORY of them actually just flat out calling them siblings, this is the best fucking thing to ever happen to me. i won. anyways

i dont even know where to start. it's so apparent how much they care about each other, and specifically how much blue looked out for him when they were younger. the fact that during the scene where will and karen are tormenting her with ho-oh and visions from her past and her first thought is just "at least i protected silver so he doesnt have to suffer this pain" makes me ILLLLLLL.

blue having to put her own feelings aside and focus on looking after silver from such a young age is an aspect of her character that makes me CRAZY, tying into her just having to grow up too fast in general. her absolute devastation when she realizes they got silver too is literally heartbreaking i deadass was close to full on crying that whole fucking scene

AND SILVER WANTING TO PROTECT HER FOR ONCE GODDDDDDDDDDD I NEED TO BE PUT IN THE PSYCH WARD. younger sibling naively trying to help older sibling but only making things worse literally slaughters me every time. i think doomed siblings are some of the most tragic relationships you can write in anything ever and these two for sure are a big part of why i love that kind of thing so much

narratively speaking, i really like how we progressively see more and more glimpses of blue and silver as kids throughout the chapter until it culminates in us actually getting a flashback to when blue was first kidnapped and the montage of her and silver growing up together. that progression feels rlly satisfying to me

moving on, i like how we finally get a conclusion to red's offer to be the viridian gym leader from all the way back at the end of RGB! but specifically, the way that they use it as a framing device for exploring red's condition, which is what i REALLY want to talk about

red makes me CRAZYYYYY in this chapter. i cannot emphasize just how much i LOVE that he actually has lasting damage from being frozen in yellow. it would've been so easy to just brush it off but NO. we actually get to see red be effectively disabled for a while, and i love every scene about it we see.

seeing red pushing away people and acting like he's fine, and having that be treated by the narrative as a bad thing which he needs to learn from and learn to accept help from others.... its soooo good. watching him come to terms with everything and understand his limits (turning down the gym leader position despite wanting it for years) is reallyy really compelling

and not only does red have serious physical repercussions from yellow, but it's also clear that he's not the same kid he was before, judging from how he has pika stay behind with yellow so he wouldn't get hurt again (showing his lingering guilt about the incident) and how he acts cheerful and energetic as usual on the outside while secretly being very anxious and rattled by his injuries

i do very much wish, as i always have, that red didn't get fully healed on mt silver. not because i want him to suffer, but just because i think having him be effectively disabled in a way is really compelling and interesting, and it would've been really cool if that just became a part of his life he had to adjust to. and like, i understand that that kind of injury might not even have permanent effects in the first place but. idk. these are just some of my favorite red scenes in the whole series and i really wish it could've been a permanent part of his character

he did at least struggle with his condition for a FULL YEAR, and judging from how it took sabrina a whole year of soaking in the lower level mt silver hot springs to recover enough to be back in fighting shape (and the fact that red had to be on his bike at the end of yellow because he was in pain and having a hard time standing), it's likely that his injuries were way worse directly after the events of yellow. so at the very least we have a whole year of red dealing with being disabled, even though we don't get to see it

also speaking of sabrina, i really like how she and red have this kind of solidarity with their shared condition, regardless of them being on opposing sides. i think that's cool

i also wanted to mention just how much i love red green and blue's bond in this chapter :) we mainly see red and green interacting, and i rlly like how much they clearly trust each other and can work together so effortlessly.

and even tho we see blue interacting w them less, i like how both she and green lent red their starters when he was going up to mt silver!! shows just how much they care about him and also how much they wanted to make sure he would be ok on his own up there :) which also screams to me that they witnessed that whole year where red was dealing with his condition and had to learn to look out for him and make sure he wasnt pushing himself too hard. which. ack

also on the topic of green. i dont like chuck sorry just had to get that out there. like i mentioned in a previous post i dont think he's a bad guy, he means well, not like norman or anything, but he did not need to be so hard on green when he was like what, 8. like calm down bro

anyways MORE BLAINE AND MEWTWO YAY. blaine being healed by entei but losing his bond with mewtwo in the process, which also in turn does allow mewtwo to finally be free and do as it pleases, is the perfect place to take their storyline imo.

it was lovely seeing him and mewtwo together but that was the main problem with the previous status quo, mewtwo having to stay with blaine, in the master ball, in order to keep him alive. im glad that mewtwo can finally be free without having to rely on humans for once :)

ok last point before i get into some of the end stuff - yellow gender reveal 2 electric boogaloo!!!!

i basically already said everything i wanted to say about this scene in another post so im kinda just gonna repeat that here lol. (also reminder that we're viewing this through my non-binary yellow agenda, where they enjoyed being in disguise because it let them not be a girl, rather than being a boy)

red was basically the last person (that they're close with) and the most IMPORTANT person that yellow could continue to Not Be a Girl around and i think that explanation makes yellow's strong aversion to coming out here make a lot more sense than it does within the original text

like. literally why else would they have this weird obsession with not yelling red they're a girl? other than like, they feel bad about "lying" to him and dont want to admit it or something?? if yellow enjoyed presenting as something other than a girl, it makes perfect sense that they wouldnt want to tell red (the person they care about the most) they're a girl and would literally only reveal that fact when ABSOLUTELY FORCED TO. and they very clearly do not look happy about this

like it is shown IN THE TEXT that yellow, for SOME reason, wants red to continue believing they're a boy. gee i wonder what explanation for that would make the most sense!!!

yellow not wanting to be a girl is so unbelievably easy to read. like they are so fucking transgender it's crazy. sorry kusaka you wrote a non-binary person! mine now!!

ANYWAYS. really getting into the climax now, i really liked the thing of everyone sending their pokemon to help out, very sweet and uplifting :) i LOVE the indomitable human (and pokemon) spirit babey!!!!!!!

the two big callbacks at the end, Boy and His Lapras and the shitty silver wanted poster, are really cool and it makes the whole chapter feel really circular and complete, i thought that was a really cool way to tie everything together

^ also would just like to highlight how gold tenderly holding silver and crystal's hands and giving them the feathers while thanking them for all the fun they've had together before he sacrifices himself and their absolute devastation when they think he's died is literally one of the best moments in all of pokespe and you can fight me i do not care. i love these three so fucking much

finally, i just want to say how much the end of this chapter feels like the end of an era. mato retiring as artist along with just where it leaves off story-wise... it feels like a very satisfying ending while still being open enough that it doesn't at all feel unnecessary that they continued way past here. that final illustration of the kanto and johto dexholders together after everything fills me with so much nostalgia its actually crazy

OK AND THATS BASICALLY ALL I HAVE TO SAY. i think despite just HOW many moving parts there are in this chapter, for the most part the pacing is good and everyone gets the right amount of screen time and development. even more minor characters like blaine or bill!

now that i've finally finishing writing all this, next stop on my journey is the mt silver training chapter!! i mentioned before that as a kid i actually had no idea that there was so much time between when it was written and where it actually takes place chronologically, since the site i read pokespe on back in the day just had it between GSC and R&S lol. i literally only found out it was made in fucking 2013 or whatever like a few days ago. shits crazy

but yes that should be a fun little thing to revisit :D and then i'll finally be caught up to where i randomly started with ruby & sapphire, and i can move onto FRLG!!!! see you then :)