#and as someone super proprioceptive

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Side A Round 1 Match 11

Propaganda:

Yu -

"Like all Persona protags, he hardly canonically speaks. Seems too cool for school but is actually just a cringefail guy who loves his little sis Nanako, likes to fish and make beef stew, and also likes cats. He also solves murders with his friends and forcibly teach people the power of friendship! And to paraphrase one of my mutuals, "I love Yu because he just stands there like •_• and then everyone falls in love with him. Gets accused of dating like every girl he meets, gets teased by every girl on the investigation team, has whatever he has going on with Yosuke. This kid and his autism swag". Oh yeah there was also originally gonna be an option for Yu to romance said Yosuke guy, including the confession dialogue being recorded in both Japanese and English, but it was removed because ALTUS hates gay people </3 But don't worry because there's a mod that adds this option back in because the devil works hard but gay JRPG fans work harder."

Sechs -

"As a teenager his father reveals to him that he's actually not human and then he essentially intellectualizes his own crisis toward that so hard that he talks himself into enacting a doomsday plan to make all life cease to exist so technically nobody will suffer anymore. So he takes two of his fellow wizards both of whom are absolutely infatuated with him (one of which is the closest the BlazBlue series gets to a canon gay man imo), takes a super powerful weapon from his father and in a sort of misunderstanding slash random event ends up killing him, and then the three of them flee the country and start trying to act out his plan. He pretty much just stares at people silently and only talks occasionally, when he does it's usually either a short sentence that is either blunt or vague. His magical attribute is gravity magic idk as someone with vestibular/proprioceptive sensory issues gravity magic is an autistic as hell magic to master in. He also has a funny name. In the joke route he is also written adding a sort of gap moe attribute to his tendency to not talk a lot where he stops talking in any instance where he's thrown off a social script or doesn't know what to say, and in the gatcha spinoff of course because they have to make him at least cooperate with you he tends to read as less overtly evil and more just having low empathy and a strong sense of his form of "justice." There is so much more I could say about him he's one of my favorite characters in the entire BlazBlue extended universe he's just a very cool character both as a villain and a circumstantial ally. Vote for funny guy named sex as a win for autistic emo twinks everywhere."

[niobiumao3]

Okay but the Batch getting various occupational therapy sessions as cadets so they stop tripping over themselves/super accidentally knocking things over/running into doorframes.

Nala Se watches them as they're learning to walk up to their initial training, realizes right away something is up. Eventually determines they have some level proprioceptive impairment. Oh well, this is what happens when you experiment with human brains. She gets them an occupational therapy droid.

It goes about the way you'd expect, but at least they all come within GAR baselines. (Tech only reprograms the droid a half dozen times before someone catches on.)

[zitrus-indigo]

YOUR JOURNEY WITH AUTISM

(Learning about yourself to get the support that you need)

- Diagnosis

- Searching what your sensory issues are and taking action to get accomodations your sensory needs (note : sensory can also be about differences such as synaesthesia)

(a list of senses (hypersensitivity/hyposensitivity) :

auditory (noises are overwhelming, you have trouble talking to other people because background noises distract and overwhelm you (you need things to be repeated because you got distracted by background noises), loud, repetitive and sudden noises overwhelm you, you hate eating certain foods and doing certain things because they make a lot of noise, focusing is hard because background noises overwhelm and distract you, you can’t go outside because noise is overwhelming, you place your hands over your ears when noises are overwhelming, you set your phone at a very low volume/you seek loud noises, you set your phone at a high volume, you often don’t respond to your name being called because you don’t hear it, you often need things to be repeated, you’re unable to locate where sounds come from),

smell (smells are overwhelming, you can’t eat certain foods because their scent is overwhelming, you’re super hygienic because you’re worried about smelling bad and you smell strongly your bodily smell, others don’t smell as much your bodily smell as you, you hate the smell of laundry detergent on your clothes/you seek smells, you like eating foods with strong scents, you’re unaware of smells other smell, you may not have a strong preference for foods other commonly enjoy (smell affects taste)),

gustative and texture (you are a very picky eater and rely on eating the same meal a lot of the time, you refuse to eat new food/you eat things with a strong taste, you explored objects with your mouth a lot as a child (even after being a toddler), you aren’t aware of food quantity and temperature, you bite your tongue and your lips more frequently than other people)

touch (your wardrobe is very limited, you wear a lot of the time the same thing, you avoid touching a lot of things and hate physical touch, you have a low pain tolerance/you tend to get injured without noticing, you didn’t noticed when you were covered in mud when you were playing as a child, you’re unaware of your own strength, you seek touch, you have a hard time telling someone where you feel pain and where you got injured, you have a high pain tolerance )),

vision (lights, the sun are overwhelming, you avoid eye contact (eye contact issues isn’t specific to visual hypersensitivity, lots of autistic have issues with eye contact regardless of if they have this), you squint, you often close your curtains and dim the light, you can’t go outside because you get sensory overload from the light/you get accidentally injured easily because you didn’t see something, you often bump into other people and objects, you can’t find or see things that are seen by other people, you stare at lights, you like colorful and high contrast things, you often watch others)

proprioception (sitting in a non-conventional way, fine motor skills issues, uncoordinated, hypersensitive to pain, appearing stiff, holding your body in positions that are considered odd, appearing lethargic, becoming tired after standing for a long time, hating and avoiding being touched, avoiding wearing tight clothing, avoiding activities that require physical effort/ bumping and stumbing a lot upon things, difficulty doing things that involve balance such as riding a bike, often leaning against a wall or furniture, holding objects with a weak grasp and letting them go, sitting on the floor in a W stance, difficulty navigating a room and avoiding objects, you can’t grasp what personal space is, tip toe walking, pressing too hard on furniture, pushing or playing roughly, walking very loudly, constantly being in movement)

interoception (feeling overwhelmed by physical sensations, thirst, hunger, exhaustion, need to go to the bathroom and by your feelings/having trouble feeling your physical sensations, forgetting your physical needs and having trouble knowing what you’re feeling)),

vestibular (easily motion-sick, fear of heights, dislike many sports/easily lose balance, accidentally injure themself often, able to spin for a long time without getting dizzy, risk taker)

This list isn’t exhaustive

- Looking at, understanding your communication differences and the neurotypical social cues

- Searching what your special interests are

- Observing yourself a lot to learn what your stims are and how to replace your harmful ones

- understanding your hatred of change (might be/not be/both be the case if you have ADHD diagnosed or not as well)

- realizing you experienced meltdowns and shutdowns (you can be autistic and not have meltdowns and shutdowns, if you wondered)

- learning, reading about autism, autistic experiences and the autistic community

This list doesn’t have a particular order

I’m myself on this journey currently (I honestly do not know if I’m autistic even if I got diagnosed ten years ago when I was a child), currently it’s the stimming part for me, turns out stim toys might actually be helpful for me !

This journey is about discovering, accomodating and enjoying yourself. You can experience every feeling through this journey :

anger, sadness, fear, joy, confusion, surprise, joy.

I personnally experienced confusion and anger a lot because I didn’t understood my diagnosis as I didn’t related to most autistic experiences, I now go through surprise a lot when I realize that I actually experience some autistic traits that fall under the spectrum umbrella.

I don’t want this post to give an impression that autistic people don’t really have autism, my case is very rare and specific among the spectrum : I didn’t got socially ostracized and knew a lot of social cues (yet I also had issues with some), I also don’t have sensory issues or a need for routine.

Yet, to neurotypical people I have a few differences :

communication and social cues ones, stimming a lot, special interests, a bit impaired fine motor skills (nothing too serious).

If I’m truly autistic, this is a prime example on how the autism spectrum is very wide :

If you’ve met an autistic person, you’ve met one type of autism, there are infinite types of autism.

A few more important things :

- some common disabilities that comes with autism :

ADHD (about 50 percent or so of us also have it),

learning disabilities (dyspraxia might be the most common one),

insomnia (sensory issues),

depression,

anxiety,

social anxiety,

personality disorders,

PTSD,

CPTSD (trauma and living in a society that doesn’t accomodate to our needs and where you get ostracized (be careful borderline personality disorder is a common misdiagnosis, though you can also get both BPD and autism),

SPD/allodynia,

OCD,

Ehler Danlos Syndrome (a skin collagene muscle issue, don’t ask me about this I don’t know a lot about it),

ID (though not all of us, treat autistic people kindly without expecting them to have ID if you meet them the first time please),

hypersomnia,

epilepsy (epileptic people should be treated normally, yes epilepsy can cause you other issues by brain damages but lots of epileptic people still don’t have ID, though ID and other disabilities shouldn’t be an excuse for you to treat anyone badly),

speech issues (what I said about ID still stands here, we can get them temporarily through shutdowns and meltdowns),

migraines (sensory issues)

- motor issues even small ones are common within the spectrum

- face blindness is also common

- milestones delays are common

- executive dysfunction is common

- autistic catatonia is rare but is a thing

- we can get any physical or mental disability through our life just like anybody else

- some accomodations you can look/ask for :

noise-cancelling headphones/earplugs,

wearing specific types of clothes,

eating food that doesn’t cause you sensory overload,

sunglasses,

non slip shoes,

white noises,

having someone check on you to make sure you don’t get injured without noticing or simply to take care of yourself,

asking to not be touch (you will have to learn especially how to enforce your boundaries as a disabled person),

visual accomodations (some of us are very visual and might appreciate having schemes to understand things),

AAC,

sign language,

someone that lives with you and do things for you,

weightened blanket (some of us like and need deep pressure),

hammock swing/trampoline,

stim toys (hyposensitivity makes you stim a lot but hypersensitive autistics also stim a lot since stimming help them to cope with their sensory issues),

sunflower landyards,

your own communication means,

medication (autism can’t be treated, unlike ADHD but it can reduces your anxiety, your agressivity if you get meltdowns and treat mental issues if you have some, it can help you if you struggle with regulating your emotions I think but I’m not sure though, you should reach your psychiatrist before considering taking it),

therapies (occupational therapy might be a good one, idk a lot about it though, ABA should be avoided)

reminders for physical needs, school and work accomodations

A thing everyone should know :

for every autistic trait experienced by an autistic person, there is another autistic person that don’t experience it. My point still stands for other disabilities. Everyone should listen to autistic persons first. I made this post on a consequent amount of knowledge through months of research on autism on the internet, since autism was my special interest.

Edit :

you should also go out of your way to research autism by listening to the autistic community, there are many many traits that I didn’t listed on this list that we experience and that autistics can relate to.

You can have hyposensitivity and not be sensory seeking. You can have hypersensitivity and not try to avoid sensory input (I’m not saying this is something you should do, I’m saying some autistic person are like that).

Added vestibular and vision senses because I forgot and it is important.

Also added more accomodations, same motive as before.

Added more precision to senses and a few disabilities autistic people often experience, for the same reason as above.

[magmacannon]

glance, face, motion, informal and change for grey!

eehehehe

glance: At first glance, what stands out most about your OC’s appearance? What’s their distinguishing feature?

Grey's most distinguishing features is that he dresses almost entirely in greyscale (his skin/hair/irises are also shades of grey) minus his earrings! He also has so many earrings that his (long) ears droop downward so that's definitely a really notable feature lol

face: Describe your OC’s face. What’s their smile like? Are their orbs cerulean? What would someone notice first when looking at them?

Grey has a long, smooth, and downturned nose, shaped eyebrows, slicked-back slate-grey hair that he keeps in a pony tail, purple-grey eyes, and those big-ol' drow-elf ears. He has a really serene smile that can turn devious depending on what he's doing! Grey's most noticable feature is probably his earrings and hair tbh.

motion: How does your OC move? How does their clothing help or hinder their range of motion? Are they flexible, coordinated, clumsy?

He's like ridiculously smooth sometimes, but other times he's just well aware of his proprioception and handles himself well! He stretches regularly (seems like a yoga type tbh... I bet he has a daily routine of stretches he does before and after trancing) and has an easy time moving even if he isn't super physically strong. His clothing does definitely interfere with his motion since he tends to wear suits lol

informal: What’s your OC’s lazy-day look? How do they like to dress when they’re winding down?

pseudo-suit pajamas..... I think he has silk nightclothes (long-sleeve shirt and pants) that he also likes to wear when he's not going anywhere. I think he'd love turtlenecks too, as a step-down from full suits! Well-fitted dress pants are a near-constant though.

change: Has your OC ever drastically changed their appearance? Significant haircuts, big tattoos, complete wardrobe swap, etc? Why? How do they feel about the change?

This question rules because I decided to roll to see if Grey ever had a goth phase (it was a no uu) BUT he did drastically change his appearance before! He used to wear much flashier and brighter clothes and gave that up when his past beau ditched him. I honestly don't think he was the one who decided he should wear those brighter colors so I think he does enjoy the change!

[merge-conflict]

first of two coming your way because ofc i gotta know about both my fav thief and the giant woman

so for the sentient fashion-crime that is Val; glance, motion, formal, wardrobe, and texture? :3c

sdlfkja poor Valentine can't catch a break xD Questions are here

glance: At first glance, what stands out most about your OC's appearance? What's their distinguishing feature?

First impression for Valentine is probably 1) she's tall (6'2"/187cm) and 2) she's always "on". Like you know those people who always seem to have too much energy? Always thinking away at something, or working on something, etc. People making eye contact with Val always come away with the impression she's up to something (correct). More physically– she has heavy eyebrows and sorta.. deep-set eyes (think Bill Skarsgärd, although their facial shapes are different), which really fuels the intense, over-caffeinated and under-rested aura she gives off (but which is also usually correct).

motion: How does your OC move? How does their clothing help or hinder their range of motion? Are they flexible, coordinated, clumsy?

Valentine has excellent kinesthetic and proprioceptive sense (aided by her network proprioception, e.g. she has implants that let her feel parts of the EM spectrum like physical sensation. Think like when you can feel currents underwater.) She will only wear clothing where she has a decent range of motion, and she has never and would never wear heels or anything with a sole too thick to run in. The way she moves is not necessary elegant or graceful, but it is precise and calculated, even when she's fidgeting. She almost always knows if someone is moving behind her, or what the flow of a crowd is like, or that if she takes two steps back without looking she can grab the screwdriver she left on her desk four hours ago... that kind of thing.

formal: What's your OC's formal look? Do they like dressing up? Do they have different looks for different occasions?

Valentine has like... 4 outfits but she buys the pieces in a few different colors so she's not too monotonous. Her standard look for work is a button down + tie, occasionally she'll add a vest. If it's more formal than that, she'll wear a suit jacket. She's pretty comfortable in standard office wear, and she does like the ritual of getting dressed for formal occasions, but she doesn't really have interest in the clothes or outfits for their own sake. Clothes are just useful for setting the mood or expectations, just like how she might greet different people with different formality.

wardrobe: How big is your character's wardrobe? Do they wear things threadbare, or can they afford new clothes often? Are they any good at mending and repairing their own clothing?

She has a pretty modest wardrobe by corpo standards, and unless she gets attached to a pair of sweatpants or shoes she's worn in, she generally rotates it as often as she can be reminded to refresh it. I imagine there's some sort of tailored bachelor service available for corpos like her who just sort of let someone else pick their wardrobe according to whatever specification. When she's living the merc life, she ends up sort of reverting to her default packrat ways, but also with cheaper clothes available to her ends up burning through stuff quickly.

texture: Does your OC favor any specific kinds of cloth or textures? Is there anything they can't wear or don't like? What sort of fabrics do they prefer?

The weight and quality of fabric is actually a lot more relevant to Valentine than most other fashion concerns. She'll pay for quality over flash whenever she can, mostly because it means she doesn't have to think about it as often. If it's breathable, flexible, comfortable, and durable than it's good, otherwise it's a stupid thing to wear. Occasionally she feels the urge to be bright or iridescent and buy something that isn't super comfortable but is flashy or colorful, but she'll abandon it the moment she gets tired of it and be satisfied. There have been nights on the town where she just sheds some bright awkward outerwear and just...leaves it wherever.

[freedformwriter]

Sunday, 25 August

It’s not often, outside of a Queen tribute concert, that someone asks if they can rock you. Yes, I answer, you can rock me. I can’t see the rest of class, all slung in our separate hammocks, but they also seem keen. I signed up to this restorative aerial yoga class as part of my mission to get to know Whitstable, my possible future home, beyond the beaches and beachfront eateries. Also, there is no way I could do this yoga at home. The room is filled with potted plants and a moveable-type board declaring that a beautiful day begins with a beautiful mind. Such ambience, should one desire it, is relatively easy to recreate. What’s harder is matching the building’s exposed cooper pipes to the circular ceiling rivets capable of holding, as the instructor started the class by announcing, a weight of up to 1,000 pounds. Comforting, though I doubt anyone here today weighs more than me. So far, the industry-grade hammock has supported me as I’ve slithered into a backbend and wrapped myself into folds. I’ve flown, belly down, arms sweeping around and down. Great fun. Now it’s time for savasana. With an option to be rocked. Why not? Sure, I’m already dizzy. My vestibular imbalance always spikes before my period. I’ve walked around in a world rendered both fuzzy and yet hyperreal all day. (The later effect is caused by the brain frantically storing ever little bit of visual data to compensate for a proprioceptive system on the fritz. I have to remind myself of this many times.) The clinical advice is basically lean into it. Right. I pop on the lavender scented eye pillow for extra disorientation and wriggle into my super-strength textile. The pose is very Egyptian mummy: stretched long with my arms crossed tight across my chest. The hammock is so all enveloping that it’s hard to identify any one point of pressure. Just the experience of held. The occasional warm pressure of my instructor’s hands on my feet is the only outside sensation. Here we are: six grown women being rocked to sleep in our swaddling hammocks.

[selormohene]

day 66 (thursday, september 7th 2023)

I'd like to get into doing something with my hands, or more generally with my body. More precisely, I'd like to get into something which requires (and stretches) my non-conceptual intelligence: my proprioception, spatial reasoning, instrumental reasoning and planning, etc. Something like climbing or hiking difficult trails, or surfing, or working on a farm. There's martial arts as well which I've been saying for the longest time I want to get into. But I think that it would return my intelligence to me from wherever it's gone. Although sleep is the biggest culprit for what I feel like is my general loss of function there's also lack of integration into the world, and socialising as well as getting myself out there would help a lot.

I'm thinking about long-term planning again. Or rather committing to things over the long term and not thinking about how one's position looks in the moment, but on the long-term trajectory and present velocity. Interestingly this puts me in mind of Nietzsche again, as well as Freud. And I guess someone like George Ainslie as well. Just the general psychoanalytic program, broadly speaking, of not just identifying agency as composed of sub-agential processes, but also the twist that's added when the agent comes to operate on their own agency by identifying and paying attention to the working of their own sub-agential machinery. (There are also super-agential things like ideologies or external obligations, but these affect everyone differently based on their dispositions to respond to certain things in certain ways, both conscious and unconscious. So here we have something like a complex interaction of the supraconscious or suprapersonal, the sub-conscious or subpersonal, and the conscious or personal levels. And this relation itself enters into consciousness and is itself processed via various suprapersonal ideologies and subpersonal dispositions, etc.)

Anyway what prompted it this time.was thinking about my workout routine. The funny thing about routines is that inertial force can be even more powerful than one's knowledge of what would be required to yield a certain amount of improvement. You think to yourself, "this is good enough, whatever." But at the same time you have to stick with things over the long haul instead of just relying on what you see in front of you. Paul writes that faith is the evidence of things not seen and the assurance of things hoped for, and I think that this is in many ways (Platonic and Christian sentiments notwithstanding) also just a component of temporally extended personality. You can't orient your actions moment-by-moment, because you can't control what comes up in the moment; you can control what you make of individual moments, but you can only make something of individual moments that's more than is contained in the moments themselves if you conceive of them under an aspect that they do not themselves present immediately and are assured that by your actions you can conform the moments to the unity expressed in the aspect in question.

[johannstutt413]

(requested by calligomiles)

“INCOMING!!!” Gavial dove into the ring from the ropes, crashing into her opponent’s back and locking them in place.

“3...2...1...And that’s a wrap!” The Doctor, as the referee, called the match. “That’s a wrap! Once again, the Green Goddess takes the match!”

Zima, sitting with Leto in the crowd, grumbled, “Why do you like this so much? They aren’t even fighting for real.”

“Are you kidding me? That’s what makes it so impressive! You have to be incredible to know how to do things like that safely! She threw one of them out of the ring, for crying out loud!”

“And?” The general shook her head. “If I’m gonna watch play-fighting, I’m watching FEater’s action movies.”

At that moment, the iron-muncher herself stood up and approached the ring. “Hey, champ! How about a real fight?”

“...Alright, that’s it. Lee, hold my jacket.”

“What?” She watched as Zima stood up. “Wait, are you gonna-”

She cracked her neck. “All this blue-balling is giving me a headache. I’m going in. OI, SUKI! KHOCHU DRATSYA SVAMI TOZHE!”

“Oh, shit,” the Doctor muttered into his mic as he and the crowd dispersed. No one wanted to risk being in the splash zone.

“O-ho-ho, this is gonna be fun.” The Archosaurian cracked her knuckles. “Not that I’m gonna enjoy fixing you up afterwards.”

FEater laughed. “You’re pretty confident for someone talking to the Heir of the Universal Fist!”

“Less talking, more punching!” Zima declared as she charged Gavial-

-Only to be kicked off-course by the actress, whose foot crashed into her stomach and sent her to the ground as it propelled her back to a standing position. It’d been a while since she’d fought without her axe...Must be getting rusty.

The Archosaurian took advantage of the assistance to tackle the general, going to lock her arms behind her back, but this time, the Ursus was ready for her, and she lashed out with her elbow, catching her square on the jaw. That didn’t deter her, of course, but it gave FEater the time she needed to throw herself onto the pile as well.

Some time later, as the three of them sat in different corners of the ring, waiting for the regenerative supplements Gavial had provided to kick in, Zima sighed. “Now that was a proper fight. None of this ‘holding back’ bullshit you guys do.”

“Holding back? You think I hold back just because I don’t beat the shit out of them?” The healer chortled. “Sure, if that’s what helps you sleep at night.”

“She kind of has a point, though, Gav. When I’m doing stunts for a movie, I do feel like I’m not using all of my strength.” The actress had her phone out and was scrolling through movie ticket prices.

The Archosaurian shrugged. “That’s different, too. I don’t hold back in the ring - I’m just careful with how I direct my strength. Not all that different from sports, or giving a deep-tissue massage, except I’ve also gotta make it look as good as it feels.”

“You do massage?” That got the general’s attention. “Really?”

“Surprised?”

The Ursus shook her head. “I’m just wondering how many different reasons you’ve come up with to touch other people.”

“...Was that really necessary?” Gavial sighed, smacking the back of her head against the ring post. “Seriously.”

“Is that a bad thing?” FEater asked, looking from one to the other.

Zima shrugged. “I never said it was.”

“You sounded like you were accusing me of being a perv.” The healer’s voice softened. “Weren’t you?”

“I mean, I get it. Some stuff’s just easier to say with your hands than your words. Honestly, I think we could all use a massage after the thrashing we gave each other.”

The actress agreed. “That would be nice.”

“You’re serious?” The Archosaurian’s eyes shifted between them. “You’d really trust me to do it after I beat the shit out of you two?”

“I mean, you knocked my arm back into place after FEater here dislocated it, so-”

The iron-muncher threw one of her shoes at Zima. “Like she didn’t have to do the same to my knee! Seriously, I don’t even know how you got around that block to do that.”

“You guys are so sweet.” Gavial wiped at the eyelashes that slipped into her eyes. “Might have to take a rain check until I’ve had my shoulder looked at, though.”

“Hmm...Hey, FEater, wanna help me with something real quick?” The general pulled herself to her feet with the help of the ropes, cracking her neck as she did.

She nodded. “Yeah, sure! Gav’s gonna want to stand for this, right?”

“I don’t think it’s out of socket,” she informed them, “but the muscle feels off.” Nevertheless, she stood up.

“You think that’s what we’re doing? I only know how to break people, not fix ‘em. Still, you’re gonna like this, I’m sure.”

The healer blinked. “Okay.”

“‘Scuse me!” FEater slipped behind the Archosaurian. “Ready!”

“Ready for-” As she said it, the actress and general wrapped her in an Ursus sandwich.

Zima smirked as she realized her arms weren’t quite long enough to get both Gavial and her fellow Ursus in her embrace. “How is it, Gav?”

“...I want a turn as the bread,” she replied, only able to return the embrace to the general but doing so with gusto, “but I can’t complain.”

“That sounds like a plan to me!” FEater agreed, pulling the healer even closer to her.

Which meant Gavial pulled the other Ursus even closer. “Hey, Zima, I’m not hurting you, am I? You’re shaking a bit.”

“Fee’s giving me a look.” The general, admittedly, was giving it right back to her. “Her face is...really close...”

“This is tempting fate a little bit, isn’t it?” The actress smiled back.

The Archosaurian could see where this was going. “You know I’m still right here, right?”

“Of course.” Zima pulled back just a tad to look the healer in the eye. “Is that consent?”

“...Call it a request. Still, probably shouldn’t do anything here.”

FEater shrugged. “Whatever sounds good to you two.”

“Yeah, no, you’ve got a point. Even if no one’s around now.” The general thought for a minute. “I’ve got roommates, so I don’t recommend my place. Fee?”

“Oh, I’d love to host! But my room’s getting inspected tomorrow, and I’m not sure how much damage we might do.”

Gavial chuckled. “Then my place it is.”

“Good.” The younger Ursus sighed in relief. “I don’t need the others getting jealous.”

[ectokelpeigh]

Danny Phantom x Dæmons

I don't have the time to write a proper fic with all this but the world always needs more dæmon headcanons so I'm dumping mine here.

I'll lay out my hc's for halfas here and put character profiles and misc. world-building under the cut.

Halfa Dæmons:

A Halfa still has a dæmon in ghost form. This helps to ease one's fears about being truly dead, but there are a lot of unsettling (hah!) quirks.

They're not the most... stable. I don't mean they're destabilized in the usual sense, more like they're all staticky to the human eye. Their silhouettes blur around the edges, and the way their eyes glow has a constant lens flare effect that doesn't make it any easier to make out the details.

This is actually super helpful for maintaining a secret identity. When a halfa goes ghost, their dæmon doesn't shapeshift any more than their person. You get some inverted colors and misc. ghostly features, but they don't become a whole new animal.

In their living form, a halfa is as connected to their dæmon as any other person.

Like a witch's dæmon in HDM, a halfa and their dæmon aren’t bound to any radius of physical proximity. Note (and HDM spoiler): Will and Lyra could do also this after entering the world of the dead, so this just makes sense if you look at the act of becoming a halfa as Intercision Lite™.

HDM canon is a bit spotty re: empathy, telepathy, and proprioception in human-dæmon pairs. I always hc'd both are more or less universal. But when a halfa goes ghost, they lose those connections to their dæmon. The dæmon is essentially their own entity at this point.

That loss of connection is incredibly disorienting and frightening. So even though they can leave each other's vicinity, it's 'in case of emergency' only because they have no way of knowing each other's location and well-being. In fact if this ever becomes a fic, Danny will find this out by accident and it’ll be Big Drama

Like seriously it would be a huge tactical advantage to be able to send your dæmon ahead to scout or spy or attack from another position but it's just TOO SPOOPY.

I'm not borrowing a whole lot from HDM but I do love Dust. In a few ways Dust:dæmons::ectoplasm:ghosts (at least ectoplasm in phanon) so I am COMBINING them and it looks like GLITTER GLUE and no one can stop me. Anyway a halfa's dæmon's eyes look like snowglobes with said glitter glue (no distinguishable sclera/iris/pupil).

If injured in their ghostly form, the halfa person will bleed this ectoDust/Dustplasm(?? GLITTER GLUE!!!!)

Gen. HCs:

Full ghosts do not have dæmons. Dæmon goes 'poof' when their person dies. Them's the rules. So sad. Alexa, play Despacito.

Something something "a ghost forms when the Dust that made up a person's dæmon imprints on ectoplasm" something

Asking a ghost about their dæmon is as big a no-no as any other aspect of their life, if not moreso. I'm undecided if the GZ is analogous to HDM's land of the dead in that anyone who enters the GZ loses the physical proximity rule. It would be a good excuse for Danny if he gets caught without her as Fenton (but he doesn’t know that because no one else has been to the Zone? Unless Vlad’s dæmon isn’t tethered either).

The GIW give me Gobblers vibes. Do with this what you will.

Dæmons: Cast

DANNY

Name: Synova (nickname is Nova ayyyyyy)

- Settled as a capuchin (astronaut vibes) when Danny was around 11 years old.

- After the accident she takes a new animal form, and boy if that doesn't add to the “I’m a freak” angst. Re-settling is unheard of. He shrugs it off like “guess she wasn’t actually settled the first time!” It’s a lame excuse because dæmons know when they’re done changing.

Here's my logic for Danny's dæmon changing: 1. It is true that dæmons forms are a representation of one's fundamental values and are faithful representations of their personality. Danny's got a lot of changes coming, and this has got to make him wonder if he's changed.

2. Personality is not the only determining factor for someone's dæmon form. Certain forms are prominent in different cultures, locales, etc. What doesn't get a lot of attention is how utility factors in. Here's a snippet from the HDM wiki:

There's a little bit of a chicken-egg problem of "does someone's circumstances shape their dæmon, or does their dæmon shape their lifestyle?" (because I'm sure there's a ton of dæmon discrimination in the candidate selection process in any given company/discipline. Dæmons settle when their people are so young!! Drastic career changes must be a nightmare!!)

...This means Danny's dæmon changing form not only calls his internal state into question, but it doubles as an omen of a drastic change in circumstances.

- After the accident she's a vulture:

Vultures are spooky misunderstood badass dorks. I could probably leave it at that but NOPE

Scavengers' digestive/immune systems of steel : Danny deals with a ton of trauma of all kinds and always gets back up

Scavengers in general : dealing with dead things in a much greater capacity than most

Himalayan vulture specifically because Himalayas…,,,,, ice… ice core…. Nice

Jk it's not just the ice thing. Himalayan vulture are non-migratory and build nests as high as 4,245 m (13,927 ft) : Danny has no choice in Amity Park's but it's appropriately ridiculous

Wingspan between 8 and 10 ft : Danny's got this larger-than-life side of his personality, and his it doesn't take him too long to become confident and even a little show-boaty as Phantom. But that big a bird with Danny Fenton makes him even more of a self-conscious mess.

-Dæmons rarely settle in a form they didn't already use frequently, so just the fact that Synova never took this form before is rather distressing. It also means he's not very familiar with the symbolism of vultures/what it says about him.

He asks Jazz about because she's smart and surely this is something psychologists are well-versed in but she goes on a rant about how studies show symbolic forensic dæmonology is flawed at best in practice and he shouldn't let this bias his sense of self

-In ghost form her colors are inverted so she’s mostly black. AND any black parts are a void-like window to space like Nocturne because I’m Cool and Fun and Original, you know

Synova being so big gets Danny teased because teenagers are terrible: Dash: “How did Fentoenail end up with something so cool, huh? Are you so desperate you let your freak parents experiment on your dæmon?”

- For a while the civilians assume Phantom doesn't have a dæmon. Why would they? Ghosts don’t have dæmons. But when it becomes obvious that Phantom has a little partner in crime, most people decide it's a similar situation to Youngblood & his 'assistant' or Spectra and Bertrand. Only those who pay enough attention to Phantom to notice how human-like he is in general notice how dæmon-like his little buddy is. This includes Jack and Maddie, who swear up and down that Phantom manifested a faux dæmon to trick everyone into sympathizing with him, lulling them into a false sense of familiarity.

- Synova gets a superhero name too!

Someone asks Synova her name while she's in ghost form at the same time Danny’s ghost sense goes off and he spots “Spectra!” in the distance Person: 'Spectra?' You have the same name as that ghost?? Synova: No, it’s… Specter. Specter Danny later: Really? You heard “Spectra”, changed two letters, and called it a day? Synova: ‘Fenton’. ‘Phantom’. Danny: What’s your point? Synova: [attacks the cheeky idiot]

She has the basic ghost powers (flight, intangibility, invisibility) and some bonus. I... haven't thought of them yet oops i'm tired

SAM - Hyena

Name: Mohrsom

Striped, Brown, or Spotted??

Striped: hyenas are very recognizable as hyenadae but less ~mainstream~ than the spotted.The unrivaled, uh… big dick energy of the species’ females is fitting. They’re extremely solitary though and Sam is selective but she’s TIGHT with her chosen friends

Brown: Hyena but make it even more goth-looking! Independent/self-reliant, compassionate, reserved, selective and cliquish, still value alone time. Not easily stressed, stubborn. But they’re not very confrontational like Sam

Spotted: ~mainstream~ for a hyena, but that’s not saying much. They live in very large packs but they’re still individualistic, not pushovers by any means.

She first started altering her diet before he settled, so her dæmon stopped shifting to hunters. Strictly herbivores and scavengers. She likes having a scavenger because it’s nature’s recycling crew

TUCKER - Silver-Haired Bat

- Name: Danunsi

- This cute little fuzzball hangs off his clothes (mostly his beret) and girls seems to swoon over her but still roll their eyes at Tucker’s pickup lines

- She talks a lot less than Tucker and generally pipes up just to apologize on his behalf

- Personality in a nutshell: [Running gag] Danunsi: “Tucker no” Tucker: “Tucker YES”

- Tucker gets teased for needing glasses and having a bat dæmon but you know what he loves her

- If I do a No One Knows AU it’s gonna get weird when Danny meets Tucker and Sam because Danunsi’s nickname is already Danny

JAZZ - New Caledonian Crow

Name: Rexmoor

- Corvids are SMART and incredibly popular in psychology research

- Dissimilar enough to common crows with their cute little beaks that you could maybe possibly pass it for a bird from another family (heh), but she still has this spooky black bird. She wants to be proud of it, what a corvid says about her intellect and emotional intelligence. But it’s a symbol reminiscent of the spooky shit that has so destabilized her family. The fact that he settled that way reflects how she doesn’t feel truly free of all the superstition.

JACK - Badger

Name: Suntrilis

European vs american ambiguous on purpose

Coyotes (Maddie!) and badgers work together. Jack’s smart and all but he really is a brute. He’s the “smash” to Maddie’s “grab” when they hunt.

Honey badger don’t give a fuck about the outside world, just does his thing.

Funny because Vlad calls Danny “badger” even though he hates Jack.

I'll update or reblog this another time with more characters and such another time, I think I just need to yeet this into the void for now.

Please feel free to reply/reblog/message with your own HCs/suggestions!

MADDIE - Coyote

Name: Heskel

Maddie isn’t much of a trickster but she’s smart, she’s underestimated, and she’s a pack personality. And they often cooperate with badgers to hunt!

[curiosity-killed]

@ your tags abt trying to get people into ballet and running.. i am very interested in getting into ballet and running but i don't know where to start! tbh i feel like i might be a bit old to start ballet (19), but running seems like something i could start at any age!

FRIEND I have NEVER dived so quickly out of a movie in order to reply to a message as I just leapt from that terrible shitty movie to answer this

this is going to sound cliche but you're literally NEVER too old to start either!!

also oh god i'm sorry this is. it's so long. mistakes have been made

ALSO QUICK DISCLAIMER I'M A STRANGER ON TUMBLR AND THIS DOES NOT CONSTITUTE MEDICAL ADVICE PLS AT LEAST CONSIDER TALKING TO YOUR DR BEFORE STARTING A NEW FITNESS ROUTINE

starting with ballet bc it sometimes has the biggest barriers to entry:

People start ballet young for a couple reasons (for one thing: children are easy to lure in with promises of pretty costumes and fun tricks and then they get suckered in too far before realizing that they're 25 years old and spend more on dance per month than groceries but ANYWAY) including the fact that it's generally easier to build your base understanding of technique and establish the particular musculoskeletal (& proprioceptive) capacities uniquely demanded by ballet.

That said, even professional dancers don't always start super young. Misty Copeland started ballet at 13; there are professional dancers who started in their 20s. And regardless of your aspirations within the field, ballet is so fun. For all the media out there saying ballet is brutal and cruel and competitive (and it can be), ballet is also making silly faces with your friends and laughing when you mess up and feeling a whole different knowledge of yourself bloom in movement and joyful struggle. I've continued ballet for 20 years not because I'm great at it (I'm a decidedly decent dancer and that's about it) but because I love it and the unique feelings it provides.

So if you're looking for ways to start, here are a couple tips:

First, look for dance schools near you. Depending on where you live and if it's rural or urban, you may not have a ton of options, but if you do, I would recommend looking for adult ballet classes. These tend to have a mix of levels (i.e., I regularly dance with Legit Professional Dancers and also people who are on their 5th ballet class ever in my weekly classes) which to me helps the environment feel more friendly and welcoming. They also will often have recommendations for what you need for class and where to get it locally (if you ever need more info on this, there are lots of lists online and I'm always happy to help out!). You may have to make an actual phone call if you live in a small enough town (or go through your mom's childhood bestie's mom's cousin. small town dance is a whole different post).

There are also a lot of free online ballet classes which are very cool but I'm hesitant to recommend those for starting out simply because a lot of ballet is not intuitive and you can injure yourself by doing it incorrectly. Being in a studio with a teacher helps not only provide you with useful feedback but also have someone looking out for you and reducing risk (like a spotter in lifting but they may also be an extravagant Argentinian woman who swoons while loudly asking, "May I TOUCH your gluteus??" which is honestly way better).

WAIT ALSO: if you're in uni (or there's a university/college near you), that has a dance program, many have youth or community schools (this is what my studio was when I was growing up!) which can be DOPE.

Two quick notes: every dance school has its own environment. Most are a mix of good and bad, and they can all be a little overwhelming at the start. I usually recommend giving it at least a couple classes as a try (if that is an option) before deciding some place is Bad, Actually.

Along with that, ballet is kind of a lot. It's a demanding athletic activity combined with artistic components plus all these French words (often mispronounced and used in weird ways. That being said, there are frequent chocolate and cheese metaphors for fondu so...that's a win??). It is both a-okay and also super normal to feel a little overwhelmed or lost. One way to help is to make sure you introduce yourself to the teacher either before or after class. This can be super simple: "Hi, I'm [name] and this is [my first time taking a dance class/my first class in a long time/etc]." This helps the teacher get to know you and provides an opportunity both to see if they feel the class is right for you and to ask for help on any steps that were particularly challenging or confusing that day.

okay I'm stopping there but seriously pls feel free to holler if you have questions or anything else comes to mind!! i am the Anti-Gatekeeper of Ballet i want everyone to try this shit (with the appropriate safeguarding beforehand so as to be better protected against the various in-field issues and uhhhh quirks of the art)

also here is an article with things to know before your first class! i confess i skimmed it but it seemed like a starting point?

ON TO RUNNING

this feels like a good time to admit that while I am very enthusiastic and very excited to help/provide info on these things, I've been doing both ballet and running since i was. a child. and so am not actually a great resource on starting out because my brain was basically wrinkle-free mush when i did but ANYWAY what we lack in knowledge we make up in being So Excited about getting to talk about this shit

The number one thing I would say about running is extremely counter to my entire existence but: don't jump in 100% of the way at the start. Going too hard too early is the number one way to get injuries (hi chronic tendinitis, my old friend).

The number two thing is please for the love of god get running shoes if you really want to get into running. They are expensive, but a) it is much more expensive to fuck up your feet/knees/hips/back from running in shoddy shoes and b) I am extremely skeptical about the quality of the average person's general shoes and even if you don't wind up doing tons of running, they'll save you pain if you wear them for like. walking. and shit. Also they come in fun colors so that's a win. Anyway, if you can, try to get to an actual running store and have them fit you properly for your first pair. As with most things, you can try to guesstimate based on suggestions/lists online but it's a large enough purchase and important enough for your health that I would recommend not doing that until you at least have a stronger sense of what you need/want in your shoes. A fitter goes a long way towards making sure you don't drop $100 on shoes that tear your feet apart. bc that's what pointe shoes are for not running shoes!

Aside from shoes* (and socks*), I think a lot of running gear is...pretty subjective? Like sure, having basic athletic clothes is a good place to start, but the specifics are really up to you. I still run in shit from middle school, other people I know run only in high tech fancy ass shit. you do you boo

*technically also subjective but we're not getting into that here

Once you are, presumably, dressed and shod, my other recommendation is: fartleks. Both because they're funny to say and also because they're a great and versatile training method. A fartlek is, essentially, a run where you switch up your speed periodically (I'm sure there's a more technical definition somewhere but like hello it's 1 AM and i have lost control of this response). For starting out, I'd recommend trying to do a 1:1 or 1:2 run:walk ratio. That can be running 1 minute and then walking 1-2, it can be running for 5 minutes and walking for five. No one is actually keeping time. The idea is basically to incrementally increase your amount running while providing your body with lower-impact walking breaks, which are still exercising your legs/core/etc. and lungs. As you continue to do these a couple times a week, you'll gradually build strength and endurance which will enable you to do longer/faster runs.

Like dance, and most things at the start especially, running can kind of suck. Don't get me wrong I love it and think it's great but it takes a while to build strength and endurance and get to just run as opposed to making yourself run. Getting through the slog stage is often easier if you associate it with something you like: for instance, go for a run at your favorite time of day (with considerations for safety), have a special playlist of fun songs just for running or a podcast you like for it, or run a route you really like (to a favorite park or along a fun sidewalk, etc).

I also recommend getting into the habit of telling someone when you're going on a run and where you're going/about how long you think it'll take. If you have a running buddy (highly recommend), this is less important but it's a good habit for safety. Whether it's rolling your ankle or getting lost and winding up in the middle of very featureless corn fields, you never know when you're going to want to have someone ready to come pick you up.

You can go into a whole rabbit hole on running form and the real nitty gritty but I'm definitely not qualified to speak on that and also wouldn't be much help from here. I will say that, in general, I've found that the more relaxed you can be while running, the better. Places that tend to hold tension include your hands (instead of holding them in fists, try to shake them out and envision a heavy grapefruit or pomegranate held loosely in your hands) and neck/shoulders (try to think of dropping your shoulders and letting them swing naturally from the socket).

Also if you have the option between running on soft surfaces (dirt, grass, etc.) as opposed to hard (concrete, sidewalks, etc.), soft surfaces reduce impact on your joints (but may also be uneven/etc., so be safe).

And now a Runner's World article

oh: if you feel a tightness in your chest while running, a feeling like you can't fully exhale/inhale, have wheezing/rasping breaths, and/or a dry cough after running. that is asthma. pls don't do a me and wait almost a decade to get that checked out

[fleur-de-violette]

Floating in a void

A3O

Summary:

Dick was floating in a void.

Of course, he knew how he had ended up here. He’d been investigating a group that was using alien tech with Batman and Robin, gotten captured, and now he was being tortured with a device that robbed him of his senses.

He knew what was going on. That didn’t make the experience more pleasant. He was completely lost. Waiting for someone to find him.

That someone happened to be Oracle.

Whumptober 2020 day 24 – sensory deprivation

Note:

It’s been over a year that I’m doing a challenge that was supposed to last a month. Sorry for everyone looking for something with the new prompts.

Hope you’ll enjoy the fic.

-

Dick was floating in a void.

Not flying, because flying was full of feelings, and this was�� plain. This was an existence that was absolutely plain.  

He wasn’t exactly floating, either. He was standing? Lying down? He was pretty sure he was lying down. He was lying down in a world that was completely empty.

Of course, he knew what had happened. He’d been called to Gotham to help Batman and Robin with a case of stolen alien tech. His mentor had been afraid the thieves were modifying the tech to make weapons and torture devices. The first encounter had shown them that the fear had been justified. The men had ambushed them, using some sort of silent paralyzing devices. They were well equipped and numerous. Robin had escaped, and Dick was just glad Damian had stiffened but hadn’t protested when he had barked the order to fall back just before being hit. Batman hadn’t contested his authority or his call, but he’d stayed. Of course.

They had been captured and put in an all-white room, while still paralyzed. There, there had been a villain speech explaining how he would hurt him to break Batman, nothing he hadn’t heard before.

Getting tortured to get to Bruce wasn’t exactly fun, but, unfortunately, it was far from uncommon. Dick was just glad it was him in this position and not Damian.

Some sort of helmet had been put on his head by two goons entirely in white, and he had absently thought that these guys had a theme, and the theme was plain and colorless.

Little did he know.

They had pushed a button, and he’d expected pain. What he hadn’t expected was the complete absence of it.

He wasn’t hurting.

At all.

The ache in his right knee that had been there since before he finished growing up, the slight itching of an almost fully healed wound on his side, the burn inside his mouth he’d gotten from drinking tea too fast before patrol, even the discomfort in his throat, associated with Gotham’s polluted air. Everything was gone.

He wasn’t in pain at all.

He was about to joke to the guys about developing anesthetizing devices and selling them to a hospital rather than doing super villain work when everything had stopped.

Noise, light, even pressure. All of these were gone. At first, he thought he was on the verge of passing out, but seconds passed, and he was still awake. Panic settled in his brain, but his heart stayed quiet. Or, more accurately, he couldn’t feel his heart hammering in his ribcage like he knew it should be. He couldn’t feel air entering his lungs, but he knew he was still getting oxygen: he wouldn’t still be conscious otherwise.  

He forced himself to calm down, but it was hard when he had absolutely nothing to focus on beside his fear. Most of the grounding exercises he knew were based on his senses, and he had nothing to fuel them.

He thought he was being moved, but it was hard to tell with his sense of balance gone. When the paralytic wore off, he was alone.

And he could move. He knew where his body was. All his other senses had been robbed, but his proprioception was still there. Slowly adjusting to his new situation, he had taken in his surroundings to the best of his ability. And by that, he meant walking until he couldn’t, and guessing this was where the walls were. Not being able to move further than one point but not feeling the pressure on his skin either was an experience he didn’t want to try again soon.

The room was small and empty. And that led him there. Lying in nothingness. Probably. He relaxed everything in his body and ended up unmoving. So, there was a huge chance he was on the ground. Unless gravity had stopped working in a conventional way, too.

Here he lay, deprived of any feelings, helpless.

Someone would rescue him. Someone was bound to rescue him, somehow. He just needed to wait. If they were using him to get to Bruce, he couldn’t show too much anguish.

He just needed to wait.

Except, he’d never been good at waiting and doing nothing.

How much time had passed again? He didn’t think of counting the seconds, and there was no way to know now. He couldn’t feel hunger or exhaustion. Maybe he’d been in the room for minutes, maybe for hours, maybe for days?

Would someone even come for him?  Or would he die of dehydration without even realizing it?

“Nightwing.”

Dick might have jumped in surprise, but there was no way for him to know that for sure. He had just heard a voice, or maybe read the word. His name had just been implanted in his head.

“What the hell?”

He couldn’t hear the words, nor could he feel his throat vibrating, but he knew he had said them when the thing in his head said, “Be quiet. I’m here to help you.”

Okay. That was new. Someone was in his head.

“Calm down, Boy Wonder,” said the voice before he even realized he was panicking. “It’s Oracle. I hacked into the helmet connected to your brain. Sorry, I should have started with that.”

He would have snorted if she hadn’t just told him to be quiet. That was just like her. She was brilliant: the fact that she remotely accessed alien tech proved it once again; and she was good under pressure, but sometimes her dramatic attitude got the best of her… not like he couldn’t relate to that.

So, she was in his brain. Weird, but less weird than if it had been a stranger. He wondered for a second if she could read his thoughts.

“I can’t read your thoughts,” came the instantaneous reply, and he smiled despite the situation. Maybe she couldn’t, but she could guess them well enough. “It’s only a one-way communication line. But I have access to the cameras, so I can help you. I couldn’t get your senses back online or simulate them for you. Sorry.”

It was already more than he could have hoped. He had tried to keep it together, but his time in complete isolation and with no stimulation at all had already started to get to him. Having someone, having her, with him was really helping.    

“Okay,” she said in his head, “can you stand?”

Oh, so he was lying down. He slowly moved his body to what he knew was standing up. Without his balance to guide him, even this small, mundane thing was hard. Escaping was going to be hell.

“I know it’s going to be difficult,” Barbara said, once again guessing his thoughts, “but I couldn’t get Batman out or anyone in. It’s the only way. I know you can do it.”

He took a deep breath, realizing too late that it brought him no relief, only the slight discomfort of not feeling his lungs expand at his will. He could do it. He was ready.

Barbara seemed to see his resolve. “Walk two steps ahead, and three to your left,” she instructed, and he executed. Cut from the rest of the world, he was her puppet. The idea crossed his mind that maybe it was a trick? Maybe it wasn’t Barbara at all in his head. But it was the only lead he had, the only thing he had. He had no choice but to hope it was really her and to do as she said.

Blind trust. Literally, this time.

“Raise your hand forty-three inches from the ground,” she instructed. It remined him of their training, as Batgirl and Robin. Bruce had trained all of them to give and follow direction with one or more senses lacking. Except this time, there were no blindfolds or noise cancelling headphones to remove. This time, something was wired directly into his brain.

How would they even remove this? Even if he managed to find Batman and escape, how long would he still have this thing on? How long until he could hear, until he could see and feel things again?

“Nightwing! Raise your hand forty-three inches from the ground,” Barbara instructed again, but this time, his brain turned her voice into Batman’s without his permission, and his hand had moved without him thinking about it.

“Good. Now, you’re gonna pick a lock.”

No question, no other option. He would pick the lock. How was another matter. Pick a lock without looking at it, that he could do. But without feeling it? He had trained with thick gloves on, but even with these, he had some feelings around the lock.

“Your lockpick should still be in your glove. They didn’t search you because they deemed you harmless. Get it out.”

Easier said than done. He knew the movement his hand should make, but without actually feeling the lockpick between his fingers it was a whole other game.

“You got it,” Barbara informed after a few unsuccessful attempts. Without her help, he wouldn’t even have realized his success.

“I’m sure glad these guys have so many cameras. Now put it in the hole; or try to, I’ll guide you.”

Finding the hole, even with Barbara’s help, took longer than it should have. Actually picking the lock took even longer, but after several agonizingly long minutes, he could hear Barbara say,“It’s open. You did well. I’m gonna deactivate the electronic locks. After that, you’ll need to hurry before they find out you’ve escaped.”

It only took a few seconds before she said, “Okay. Go.”

He immediately ran ahead until he couldn’t anymore. “You hit a wall,” Barbara informed him. He would be covered in bruises once this will be over. “Sorry, I wasn’t fast enough. Go left. You’ll be covered in bruises once this is over.”

He smiled as she once again shared his thoughts and sprinted to his left. The rest of the way went pretty smoothly. He was given commands and followed them. A trust exercise where he was the puppet, and she was the puppet master. He wasn’t so scared anymore, and now that he was moving, running in a weird way when he could feel neither his feet hitting the ground nor his breathing pick up, he almost found it fun.

It was almost like a game of piñata. Expect, well, there was a little more on the line than a bunch of candy. But when hadn’t he relished some adrenaline? This was almost fun. Almost, until…

“You’re spotted. Two men behind you. Turn around, run, and when I tell you, hit.”

He executed the commend. After a short run, she told him two specific points in space to hit and he did so, twisting his body to get to the men. This was familiar. He couldn’t feel his hits hitting their mark, and even though that was to be expected, he still had half a second of confusion, before Barbara confirmed that his opponents were out.

He was ready to go back in the direction he was coming from when his body moved without his consent, jumping backwards.

“Third man, three and a half hours!” Barbara warned, and then, “You got him,” when he punched in that direction, again not feeling any resistance. He kept running in the direction he was going in after that, until Barbara stopped him again.

“Nightwing… Dick, sit down.”

He obeyed immediately, falling to the ground with relative grace.

“Don’t freak out. You got shot in the leg. I need you to bandage it; you’re losing blood, not to mention leaving a trail.”

Ok. Not freaking out. He got the bandages out of his belt, noting with amusement that his captors really had left him everything. Like with the lock, Barbara guided him through the first aid. It clearly wasn’t the best bandage work he had done, but it would do the job and prevent him from being found because of bloody breadcrumbs or passing out because of blood loss.

“Alright, stand up. Go ahead for fifty yards, and then it’s left.”

Again, no negotiation possible. He would stand, and he would walk. “Batman isn’t far away; you’ll find him, and then you can rest,” she added to motivate him.  

The thing was, he wasn’t tired. Even walking with an injured leg, he wasn’t hurting or tired. He didn’t even feel the effects of blood loss. It was terrifying in a way. He had been injured and he hadn’t even noticed. Once again, the fear of dying without even realizing it seized his mind.

A voice in his head, which had nothing to do with Barbara, reminded him that this could happen even when he had all his senses. Maybe it was better, in a way. He had seen so many people dying in fear and pain. Maybe the ones who didn’t suffer were the lucky ones.

He liked to think that his parents hadn’t suffered, that they’d died immediately as they’d hit the ground, but he knew they’d been terrified. Their faces in fear were forever engraved in his brain.

“Focus. I know it’s hard, but you can do it. Just a little longer.”

She said she couldn’t read his mind, but it sure seemed like it.

“On your left, you’ll need to force a door.”

He hit his left with as much strength as he could muster. Again, he was met with no resistance beside the fact that he couldn’t move past the supposed door. He did it again and again until he could move past the door.

“You did good,” Barbara congratulated him. “Move carefully: I need you to connect two wires. This will give me access to the rest of the facility, and then I can free Batman.”

He groaned. Something that necessitated fine motor skills again. While he was good, or at least ok, at these when he could feel what was in his hands and see what he was doing, this was hell in his current situation.

Still, with Barbara’s aid, he managed to do what she needed. Thankfully, no one seemed to look for him in the room he was in.  

“Alright,” she said. “Now, sit down carefully; you should be hidden. I’m going to leave you for a few moments, and when I come back, I will need you to scream for Batman.”

And with that, he was alone again. He could almost pretend he was playing hide and seek. When he and Steph had tried to get Damian to play in the manor, they had insisted on the practical aspect and how hiding and looking would be a perfect training lesson. Now, alone in the dark, trying to be as small and quiet as possible, while not hearing a thing, he wished he could see his brother again. What would he give to hear Damian’s voice right now? Any of their voices? Anything at all?

It wasn’t an actual voice, but Barbara’s world in his head that got him out of his thoughts. “Scream. Now!”

“Batman!” he screamed, not hearing himself, not feeling his vocal cords vibrating. “Batman!”

Could anyone hear him?

“Batman!”

Was he even making a sound?

“Batman!”

Had he really escaped or was he just going insane inside his cell?    

“Batman!”

“Batman!”

“Batman!”

“It’s fine, he’s here, you can stop.”

Dick stopped screaming. Bruce was here, he had succeeded. They had succeeded. Soon, he would be able to perceive the world again. He stood up, walking toward his father. He walked for a while before Barbara told him, “You can stop whatever you’re trying to do. Go limp. You’re being carried. Let B do the work now, okay?”

Dick hadn’t even noticed being picked up. He was being carried by Bruce, and he couldn’t even feel his father’s body warmth.

“You’re okay,” Barbara said. “You’re okay, you can let go.”

And he did.

He didn’t know how much time passed until he could feel something.

No, until he could feel everything.

Sound, light, pain, even the taste of his own saliva.

He could feel everything, and it was too much.

He didn’t resist the need to pass out.

-

When he woke up, things were bearable. He was still uncomfortable, but he could feel the lightheadedness that came with painkillers. The lights were dimmed, and he was apparently in a soundproof room. But he could see the room, feel his body moving under the sheets, hear the friction, smell antiseptic and detergent, and when he bit his tongue, he could taste blood. Even the pain from his leg, dulled by painkillers, was comforting.

He was alone, but as he moved on the bed, the door opened slowly, and Bruce entered the room. Every movement his father made was precise, deliberate.

“Glad to see you awake,” he murmured as he sat down in a chair next to the bed.

“What happened?” Dick asked and while his voice was a little hoarse, he could hear it. “I’m not that injured that I should need a private room, right?”

From what he recognized, he was in one of the private rooms of the medbay. They were used in case of a contamination hazard or when someone was too heavily injured to risk anything disturbing them. But since Bruce was with him, contamination probably wasn’t an issue, and he didn’t feel that bad.

“You’re not,” Bruce agreed. “But when we disconnected the helmet from your brain, you started screaming, and then you passed out… we decided it was better for you to take it slowly.”

Dick nodded. As much as he wanted to see his siblings, he knew having a panic attack in front of them because he was overstimulated wouldn’t do any good.

“How long was I out?” he asked instead of asking when he could see the rest of his family.

“Just a few hours, you should probably get back to sleep. We’ll see in the morning if you’re ready to move around and see people,” Bruce answered anyway.  

“You look tired,” he said, because it was true.

Bruce sighed. “I just… when I found you, you were yelling for me, even though I was right in front of you, and there was nothing I could do to calm you down.”

Dick nodded again. Worried then. And more than a little scared. He moved so there was more room in the bed. “Come here. You should sleep too.”

Bruce made a face. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

Dick patted the bed. “I want a cuddle. If something feels wrong, I’ll tell you, promise.”

He made his best pleading face, the one that always got him ice cream at the end of summer patrols when he was Robin. It seemed like Bruce couldn’t resist it any more now than he had been able to then, because eventually he caved and slipped into the bed next to Dick.

He was warm. It felt like it’d been so long since he’d last hugged Bruce, even if, technically, he had been in his arms a few hours ago.

“You saved me,” Bruce murmured once he was settled. “Thank you.”

Dick snorted. “Barbara did all the heavy lifting.”  

Bruce hummed. Dick could hear in the sound he was minutes away from falling asleep. “You got yourself out, you gave her the access she needed, you made me find you. All of this while not having any idea of your surroundings. Barbara was amazing, but give yourself some credit so were you.”

Dick didn’t know how to accept the compliment. It was rare, coming from Bruce, and a testament of how scared he had been… and how impressed.

He went with the easiest part. “I’ll tell her you said that when I go see her at the Watchtower tomorrow,” he said, daring Bruce to stop him from leaving the manor.

But Bruce didn’t say anything, just grunted and let himself fall asleep.

Dick was ready to do the same.

He felt safe for the first time in what had seemed ages.

-

“Batman said you were amazing.”

Barbara raised her head from her tablet. “Well, am I not?” she asked, smiling.

Dick snorted, his hand absently poking his injured leg. “Of course you are. It’s not for nothing Damian came to you when he was in trouble. The kid is smart.”

“He came to Steph, actually,” Barbara explained. “And Steph came to me. Damian must have freaked out and, besides you and B, she’s the one he can fall back to.”

Dick hummed. He knew Damian had been scared from the way he affirmed he hadn’t been over and over again in the morning.

“Here,” said Barbara, sending him something that he caught without difficulty.  

He opened his palm to find “…A hair tie?”

“Don’t think I didn’t see the way you were pressing on your wound. I understand you need stimulation, but let’s not rip your stitches in the process. I don’t have stim toys close by, but you can use the hair tie.”

“Thanks.” He took the hair tie in his hand, rhythmically slapping it on his wrist. A comfortable silence settled in. Barbara’s eyes stayed sharp on him; he raised an eyebrow in a silent, What is it?

“Nothing,” she answered to the question that wasn’t asked. “It’s just… it was scary, seeing you like that. We’re lucky these guys had cameras all over but if I had missed something…” she trailed off. They both knew what could have happened.

“I was scared too,” he admitted, voice barely audible to even himself. In one second, Barbara was next to him, her hand on his neck.

“Come here,” she said, and he came willingly as she pulled him into a hug. The familiar smell of her shampoo greeted him as he pressed his face into her hair. He thought absently that he should buy some of it. Roy had teased him when he had found out that his bathroom had red hair shampoo and nothing else, but he liked smelling like her.

If she noticed the few rogue tears escaping his eyes, she didn’t comment on it. Like with Bruce before, she was warm, and he felt safe.

He felt alive, and he felt whole.

He wasn’t floating in a void anymore.

Ending note: 

Jason will get his hands on a video of Dick valiantly getting out of his cell and immediately hitting the wall, and there will be endless teasing.

Hope you enjoyed the fic, many thanks to @ohmytoddhewitt for beta-reading.  

[autistic-lalli]

I dont know how to properly frame my question, but autistic!lalli has always been a headcanon I readily claimed as canon in my heart because it MAKES PERFECT SENSE in my brain. But besides me, what I'd like to ask is what traits/habits/behaviors Lalli has that immediately clicked to you that he was autistic? Or showed that he was? Like, gush to me about them

(this is mainly so I can get better at writing him and also because I'm curious to know! Actually, SLAP me with EVERYTHING about Lalli, if you can 😂 I'd love to actually know everything)

This topic was also requested by @the-story-isnt-over-yet ! This post is for both y’all :)

I’m going to try to keep this organized, but we’ll see how successful I am. First up, I’ll talk through Lalli’s general traits, then the traits I picked out quickly and resonated with, and then I’ll touch on a couple other things that stand out to me!

Sensory Experience

Lalli repeatedly displays sensory-avoiding and sensory-seeking behaviors. He likes soft textures and sweets—he picks himself up a big ol’ fluffy cloak in Adventure 2, and his mind conjures him a nice and soft one in his dreamspace, and we all know how he feels about pastries. He’s always willing to eat sweets and breads, which suggests that Lalli has samefoods as well (samefoods are like a comfort food, but taken up to eleven; foods that always sound good, sometimes to the point that they’re the only thing an autistic person can eat.) It’s just a single line, but where Lalli tells Emil that he hates blueberries, it makes me think of a very specific picture (I’ll link it later if I can find it.) Blueberries, and other fruit, don’t taste the same every time! Some are sweet, some are sour, some are mushy, some are grainy, and some are juicy. When you don’t know what to expect from a food, this makes it hard to want to eat it, even if some aspect of the flavor is good.

But I digress! One thing that I resonated with right away with Lalli is that he clearly has sensitive proprioceptive awareness. That just means the sense of where your body is in space. When Lalli sleeps or hides under a bunk or table, he’s reducing his sensory input. Being in a small space is comforting because there’s less space to be aware of.

Lalli is also sensitive to touch, which is a fairly easy trait to spot. He doesn’t like the friendly punches the crew delivers, and even balks at Emil’s touch when he’s upset. There are exceptions, but those exceptions come at times when Lalli is calm and expecting the touch to occur.

And sound! Lalli doesn’t like loud sounds, in particular loud people (sorry, Sigrun.) This is a great place to talk about Lalli’s shutdowns. We don’t see Lalli experience meltdowns, but he does have a shutdown a couple times. Shutdowns are a response to stress and sensory overload. It looks different for everyone, and since it’s internal, it’s hard to tell how exactly Lalli’s shutdowns run. However, we see him cover his ears to block out sound and hum (“mrr!”) in order to calm himself down. He’s just trying to regulate his sensory experience. His humming is also an example of vocal stimming.

Social Difficulties

Lalli definitely has social difficulties, but it can be hard to tell which difficulties are due to the language barrier and which are due to his brain chemistry. But! Paying attention to the first part of the story, when he’s with all Finnish-speakers, as well as the dream sequences can really help us hone in on those traits.

Lalli, in general, doesn’t understand other people beyond what they say. He doesn’t understand body language or sarcasm—he doesn’t get why everyone’s punching him, he doesn’t know when Tuuri’s joking and when she’s serious, and he stares at Emil because he’s curious about him and doesn’t realize it’s impolite. He doesn’t notice when Emil is rude and doesn’t understand social scripts like saying “thank you” and “you’re welcome.” When he wants to express approval or comfort, he gives a soft pat to the other person. More touch than that might be too much for him, but he does want to express something, and pats are an excellent tool in that way.

Lalli’s inability and/or refusal to learn or use the crew member’s names also gives us insight to how Lalli faces social conundrums. To him, everyone else is more distinguishable by the epithets he gives them—their names don’t mean anything. It’s like naming someone “flower delivery guy” in your phone contacts instead of “Greg.”

Lalli also isn’t easily frightened. The only times we see him be really afraid is when someone he loves is in immediate mortal danger. The everyday stuff like trolls and omens don’t scare him, which is certainly in part just because he’s used to these things. Trolls and spirits are an everyday part of his life. But an unusual lack of fear is a common autistic experience as well, so I suspect it goes beyond Lalli’s accustomation.

Other Traits

A couple other things that didn’t fit into either of the former categories! First of all, the rubik's cube. That’s just autistic solidarity. Emil picked up a stim toy for his bf, we love to see it.

But also, Lalli relies a lot on his routine. That’s probably why the military, and scouting in particular, suited him. He has his own personal routine that is the same day in and day out. He tries to keep a routine on the expedition, but isn’t able to, which increases the amount of stress he’s under. Nothing is predictable, which automatically makes everything more stressful.

Relationships

I also think the dynamics of Lalli’s different relationships are super interesting and really highlight some things that aren’t often covered in media with autistic characters. It’s super heartbreaking the way Onni and Tuuri don’t seem to understand Lalli. Tuuri especially doesn’t understand why Lalli does the things he does, and doesn’t seem to make any effort to understand, which is sadly a common experience for many autistic people.

On the other hand, Emil’s reactions are the complete opposite. As I put it to a friend once, Emil often makes mistakes with Lalli, but he never crosses the same boundary twice. He lets Lalli have agency in their relationship. If Lalli has a boundary that inconveniences Emil, he doesn’t complain about it, he simply adapts. Lalli has very specific needs in his relationships, needs that are both unusual and difficult for him to communicate, so it’s far easier for him to just default to being a loner.

Me & Lalli

On a personal level, I have a whole lot of these traits. I stim with soft things, I’m sensitive to sound, I tend to be hypersensitive with my proprioceptive sense, I had to intentionally teach myself to read body language (I work as a theatre artist, which helped a lot,) I’m not easily frightened, I’m sensitive to touch and sound, and I certainly struggle socially. Furthermore, I actually had an untreated sleep disorder until about a year and a half ago, so I deeply resonated with Lalli’s chronic exhaustion.

Truth be told, I headcanoned Lalli as autistic from his introductory card, and I knew he was autistic within ten pages. Chronically exhausted and doesn’t know what’s going on? Mine now.

The Autism Metaphor

I talk about this some in my autism and superpowers post, but I really love that Lalli is both autistic and is living an autistic metaphor. It’s not uncommon for characters who can see or sense other things (ghosts, spirits, emotions, danger, etc.) to read as autistic, because that’s what autism often feels like. Our sensory experience is so distinct and we are so aware of it that it can feel like a superpower at times--in a good way and in a bad way. We’re living in a sensory world that a lot of neurotypical people don’t understand. Furthermore, these kinds of powers or sensitivities usually come with an isolating social impact in these stories, which only strengthens the metaphor for autism.

But Lalli has both actual autism and is a mage. He sees spirits and omens and can sense when trolls are near, and also is sensitive to sounds and doesn’t like to be touched. These things aren’t related to one another, but they all read as being in the same category, which both deepens the metaphor and makes him really interesting as an autistic character.

This is also why Onni readily reads as autistic as well. We don’t have as much direct evidence for him, and in many ways his trauma seems to run much deeper than it does in Lalli and Tuuri, so it’s hard to separate out what’s a trauma response and what’s an autistic response. Overall, I’m quite a fan of “no Hatakoinen is neurotypical,” but that’s a post for another day ;)

I’ll also be posting a panel or two of an instance where Lalli is displaying an autistic trait each day for the month of April!

[thenamesblurrito]

ASK DUMP

i've been a little uh. lethargic lately, so i haven't been posting much. i'm going to get around that by taking a bunch of asks piling up in my inbox and answering them all here. some are funny, some are worldbuildy, etc etc

i.... i don't even know if this qualifies as the stupidest question but it's a question i adore. funny answer: yes. actual answer: people qualify for life insurance, objects qualify for other insurance. Cybertronians have a distinction between their biological alternate modes and the nonliving tools, machines, and vehicles they build to use. there's probably definitely some kind of driving or transportation insurance, but the insurance system on Cybertron definitely differentiates between people and objects.

i'm assuming this is the yellow rubber squeaky chickens. Skywarp, for prank purposes. Arcee, as a gag gift she never got rid of. Makeshift would love to have one but probably doesn't. never let Rumble and Frenzy get one. uhhhh Hot Rod probably had one as a favorite toy in his childhood but broke it from squeezing too hard.

hey. hey anon. hey. anon hey. anon. i hate this thank you. sentinel's chin is even bigger now

thank you!

hmmmm depends. i don't know exact ranges, this is not a story based in a lot of realism. Galvatron, Optimus, Sixshot, and Triptych have the most powerful cannons, of the heroes who have proper firearms. Abominus has something like a cannon in his flamethrowing dragon head, but it's not a concentrated shot. Rodimus can focus his flamethrowers very well but defaults more to close combat rather than ranged attacks. Elita 5's flamethrowers are more precise and efficient, but she can't quite reach the power level Rodimus can when he really pushes himself. Hellscream's null rays are medium range precision weapons that fry and disable mecha and machinery instead of straight up destroying like the others. none of them fire physical ammunition, it's all energy, but they do have an inbuilt sense for aiming and tracking targets, including the way their optic-weapon coordination and proprioception works.

the one with the longest range is, in fact, the one who doesn't have a firearm, and that is Elita 4. sniping with gravity is terrifyingly efficient, and even something like a soda can can become a dense musket ball of death when passing through a guided singularity to be rocketed at a target.

other Cybertronians do have a 'zoom function', but not quite like this. someone like Perceptor, a microscope, can obviously zoom in on things in alt mode. same with satellites, telescopes, and other similar alt modes. these frames confusingly seem more prone to sharp optics and also optic problems at the same time, which is why Percy uses spectacles

~quote from Ariel of Carcer

fhsfhsgfdh you're so valid. he's collected a lot of friends who have a similar attitude. fortunately, you won't have to be using that blade!

...

...much!

i think it's something along the lines of people going crazy at seeing the mandalorian's wrists between his glove and sleeve. if a character has some aspect of themselves hidden or mysterious, then you're gonna get people overjoyed when it's revealed. even if it's something so simple as to what's under the glasses.

i assume by 'like doc ock' you mean walk around on them? yes, kind of. mostly in tripod mode while in alt mode, but they're strong enough to support him in root mode too. they can expand and subdivide and change shape a bit for whatever he uses them for. they definitely can't work like a parachute though, that's a little bit too physics-breaking, even for SNAP. maybe a hammock?

yeah, in the same way that humans do. SNAP bots don't have a switch to flick and consume less power, but they can do as little as possible to use less energy so they can last longer.

i think the concept of deliberate low power mode is super cool though, and would probably fit perfectly into other canons.

[muwur]

could i request an -oikawa-kuroo-suga- headcanons for a partner with autism/adhd? (autism and adhd in girls can be like, real hard to write if you dont have it or know someone who does so its 100% okay to say no wididnejfufhejrr) especially with like, being embarrassed about stimming in front of them or dealing with rejection sensitive dysphoria as a symptom 😗👉👈 thank yooooooooooou i owe u my liyef

haikyuu + s/o with autism/adhd headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for oikawa, kuroo, suga & tendou

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.3k words

a/n: i got u b! this is wut im here for, to help u feel a lil represented 😌 also ik u a special fren of mine so hehe here u go (happy birthday soon btw c; ily i hope you enjoy pls feel free to lmk if there’s smth youd like me to change ♡)! aLsO pLEASePLEAseplEASe anyone let me know if there is something I wrote in this that doesn’t sit well with you. as someone who does not have autism/adhd or has had much experience around people who do, i cannot portray it accurately. i do not intend to misrepresent anyone’s experiences. i love and care for you all; the last thing i want to do is hurt or offend anyone. thankfully anon + the internet were great sources for me to try to understand things better. tho that is not to say i can fully comprehend these conditions (cuz i never can unless i experience it myself)

n e ways, u r all loveli n i hope ur having an amazing day <3

just wanna preface that these bois would love anyone for who they are, and would do their best to support you in whatever ways possible <3

oikawa

✧ oikawa had been replying consistently to your messages before suddenly disappearing with no explanation,,,

✧ at first it seemed like nothing, but after several hours and follow up texts from yourself, you couldn’t help but think that maybe he just didn’t want to reply to you

✧ maybe he didn’t even like you anymore

✧ fear that every moment you shared together meant nothing settled in the pit of your stomach

✧ a while later you received a phone call from a very apologetic oikawa, who was explaining that he dropped his phone in the bowl of ramen he was eating and had to go to the store and wait for hours before finally getting a new one and--

✧ “a-are you crying? hey, what’s wrong? i’m sorry i was gone for so long. i’m here now.”

✧ will definitely come over immediately to give you reassuring cuddles

✧ “you mean the world to me. i never want to hurt you, and i never want to leave you, either.”

✧ makes sure to communicate very clearly with you to reassure you what he really means

✧ always reminding you how much he cares about you to reinforce in your head that he’s always going to be there for you

✧ does self-care days with you to destress because life is tough (*cue selfies with face masks and laying in bed for hours with each other’s comforting presence*)

✧ very quick to defend and protect you from people who hurt you. will ask, “excuse me, can i help you?” with a piercing glare that’ll get anyone to back down

✧ gives you constant reassurance about your stimming

✧ helps you interpret social cues and situations, gives you tips on how to handle your interactions with others and in under circumstances (as well as how to remain calm in your own mind)

✧ practices positive self-talk with you because he wants to help you see how great you are

✧ anyone who doesn’t see it is at a loss and is irrelevant, they don’t exist in oikawa’s book 💅

kuroo

✧ always educating himself so he knows how to be helpful

✧ unintentionally embarrassed you once by asking what you were doing when he caught you stimming once (which was when he found out about it)

✧ he was genuinely curious and meant no harm, and he apologized for bringing it up how he did

✧ however, he was glad he asked you so that he could be informed and reassure you that stimming is okay. he understands the importance of it and he’d prefer you have something to help you self-soothe. no judgment here, this is a safe space

✧ takes mental notes on all your favorite stims (verbal, visual, tactile, oral, proprioception, etc)

✧ even discovers new stims for you to try and buys you things to help with them (“here, this is a fidget spinner, y/n” or “you know they make CHEWABLE JEWLERY? they call it CHEWELRY. that’s genius. *typing on phone* what colors do you like, babe?” )

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings and find additional coping strategies (“let’s try this neat breathing technique i learned about today!”)

✧ saves you from overwhelming situations (ie. pulling you out of a crowd, shutting down really noisy things, giving you space to clear your head and breathe)

✧ ruffles your hair as a sign of affection and calls you cute nicknames

✧ helps you study, make plans, and stay organized. tries to keep things interesting and interactive so you don’t lose interest/find it boring

✧ when you’re having an especially hard time focusing, he’ll pull you aside for a relaxing break like talking a small walk, watching an episode of y’alls favorite show, sharing a snack, playing a game, looking at memes or tik tok, chatting, etc

✧ makes sure to validate your feelings first and acknowledge your concerns before giving you his thoughts

✧ helps you view situations from a different perspective so you don’t assume rejection from others. when there is some form of rejection, he’s there to help you cope with the emotions 

✧ gives you a lot of hugs when you’re feeling dejected and lonely, reminding you he’ll never leave your side 

sugawara

✧ he’s quite perceptive, so when he noticed your unease, he asked you about it

✧ embarrassed but not wanting to lie, especially to suga, you admitted to being afraid of stimming around him and that you had been trying to hold back from it (even if it was hard)

✧ his eyes immediately soften as he tells you that there’s no reason to be embarrassed about it

✧ he just wants you to be yourself and feel comfortable

✧ learns about all of your stims. totally supports and normalizes them (however, if they’re ever self-injurous, he’ll do research and consult expert help to redirect the behavior)

✧ will absolutely take good care of you, he’s not sugamama for no reason

✧ a great listener! always hearing you out when you talk about your passions and interests

✧ wants you to express yourself however you can because he understands communication may not always be easy (reminder that communication and expression aren’t always verbal!)

✧ praises you and hypes you up all the time, going on about how there’s so much about you he loves

✧ has the most soothing voice ever. will whisper you sweet, reassuring words to calm and ease your mind

✧ will even just hum for you. lit rally anything. the suga juke box varies from lullabies to funky fresh songs

✧ very patient and will support you when you feel upset, frustrated, and/or have outbursts

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings, but never pressures you. shares his own thoughts and feelings to help you open up, asks you thoughtful questions

✧ may be ultimate soft boi but gives anyone the look™ if they even just stare, and goes feral if someone’s ever rude to you in any way, calls them tf out and is #satisfied when he gets them to apologize

✧ also helps you study and be organized! good at creating schedules and encouraging you to stick with them

✧ constantly making sure you eat sufficient meals 😋 and get enough rest 😴 will nag you until you do

tendou

✧ MORE THAN HAPPY TO PROVIDE ALL THE STIMULATION YOU NEED, says it’s an opportunity to give each other mutual attention and bond

✧ but will also provide you an outlet for just relaxing and unwinding

✧ will talk to you for hours and hours about your favorite shows/movies/books

✧ BINGES THEM WITH YOU

✧ always treating you to your favorite snacks/flavors and discovering new things for you to try that will match your taste/texture preferences (only the best for u 😌)

✧ curious about how stims make you feel and asks you to describe those sensations to him  

✧ thinks it’s super cool when you can finish his sentences for him,,, cuz it’s like y’all on the same wavelength (you gellll)

✧ if anyone made you feel bad,,, o boy

✧ tendou would intimidate them to the point he would probably appear in their nightmares ffegjegk this is why you don’t fuck with this man or those who cares about 

✧ king of spontaneity and asks if you’re down to do the most random things

✧ “let’s buy a trampoline”

✧ *2 am* “you down for some fries and dip? and by dip i mean m i l k s h a k e s”

✧ of course he’ll never suggest things he knows you would be uncomfortable with. never puts you in a stressful situation and always makes sure you’re enjoying yourself

✧ invites you everywhere and makes sure you feel included. always by your side!

✧ squeezes your hand whenever he can tell you’re feeling anxious

✧ if you feel anxious about trying new things, he’s there to encourage you! recounts all the positive aspects 

✧ but if you’re really excited to try something, you bet he’ll match your excitement

✧ a very good listener. empathizes a lot with being misunderstood or seen as “different,” and is therefore a major source of comfort

✧ constantly showing you how to be yourself and that you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it, cuz that’s who he fell in love with

[autistic-reptile]

so for Christmas my boyfriend got me a therapy swing!!!!

and I’m already obsessed with it so I just had to share it here!! (to be clear, this is not an advertisement for the product and they did not pay me or send me this for free lol)

so it’s basically a big stretchy piece of fabric (lycra and polyester I believe) that you hang from your ceiling and it’s specifically made for people with autism, sensory processing disorder, ADHD, etc.! you can sit in it a bunch of different ways and swing a little back and forth and it’s just super calming.

here’s me sitting in it in a couple different positions lol

you can also basically encapsulate yourself in it because it like “closes you in” automatically if you pull your legs and arms in. and you can still even stretch out all the way inside it

here’s a view from inside it when I have my feet and arms out

and here’s what it looks like without someone sitting in it. it’s installed by just screwing an eye bolt into a support beam in the ceiling

honestly it’s so nice I’ve been sitting in it ever since we installed it last night. BUT there are some concerns so I’ll make a list of all the pros and cons for anyone who thinks they might be interested in something like this!

PROS:

easy installation, I live in an apartment and got it up with no issues

fabric feels very durable, and allows for a ton of different positions

because of the way it’s designed, it’s very tight on your body and kind of squishes you when you sit in it so it’s a super nice pressure stim

when it closes up on you, it’s not pitch black because you can kind of see through the fabric when it stretches, but it’s still dark and calming sensory-wise

I have neck issues and other joint problems and this is very nice for me to sit back in and just kind of float for a while

CONS:

this particular one is technically made for children, so it can only hold up to 165 pounds and is fairly short (meaning some of the standing poses on the advertisement aren’t really possible for adults)

because it’s so tight on your body, it’s very hard to move around in and change your position, and it’s difficult to get in and out of

some people may find it the opposite of calming if you don’t like tight spaces or the fact that it closes up on you. if you’re looking for something that you can easily see out of, this is not a good choice because you have to hold it to keep it from closing up (see how I’m holding it open in the 3rd pic)

may not be helpful for joint issues/chronic pain depending on your specific situation. it works for me but because it’s so difficult to move around in, I could see it being very hard for others to use

here’s the link to the exact one I purchased on Amazon. the eye bolt does not come with the swing but you can get one at most stores.

I’ve always loved playing on these types of things so I’m SO excited to have one in my own home now!!!! it’s great for vestibular/proprioceptive stimming - anyone who likes gymnastics or acrobatics will probably love this as much as I do!!

[csykora]

[A tabby cat curled up in the middle of a bubble hockey board. Or you, being comfortable in an athletic community that’s good enough for you]

Hiiiiii! I’ve been looking at ice hockey and it seems a cool sport and something that I might want to do as a hobby. Only Im disabled. Do you think I could still do the thing? Do you have ideas on how to start doing the thing? Ive often found it hard to do sports because coaches or trainers don’t know shit about disability and so have no clue how to teach you things or what you may or may not be capable of and telling them is useless because they make assumptions about your body and gah. Cheers

Hey—

Yes. Do the thing. Please go do it! I am not your coach, not your trainer, only friendly local bone witch—which I am very annoyed to have to say because you are a great athlete to work with.

Can I point out a couple things you just said?

You’re offering to do a trainer’s homework for them.

The early game didn’t have coaches. People milled on and off in whatever situations they felt like. Coaches and trainers came onto the scene so that someone was keeping track of who was actually good at what, when they needed support, and how to use them to best effect. That’s their whole gig.

Talking to folks on this blog, I’ve learned lots of people have this impression that capital-A Athletes have some factory-settings-standard body, any deviation a disaster (and they themselves can’t be athletes because they don’t.)

I think it’s very useful to smash this idea. Every athlete is a grab bag of weaknesses and weirdnesses, from old injuries down to handedness. Every coach longs to have three right-shot defensemen, and has made peace with the fact they’re not going to get them. Their job is to play with all the mismatched pieces they do have until they fit into a team.

If you present a coach or trainer with information about your abilities, and they don’t want to use that information, the problem you got right there is a shit coach.

Despite what the National League believes, there are more than 32 coaches in the world. 

Throw a stick up here and you’ll hit another amateur coach. When we’re little, if we get a shit coach or PE teacher, we get stuck. That does real and lasting harm, which I am happy to go on at length about, but to flip it around:

Now, you are a big Zee, who wants to learn to play as a hobby, with the goal of having fun. That’s a powerful place to be.

I won’t say there aren’t stakes: you could get hurt, physically or emotionally. Sharing information about your body with other people to try to keep yourself from getting hurt all the time can be hard. Playing can make you feel physically accomplished and capable in your body, which is a deep need I think we all have, so having to back away if a team does turn out to be shit is hard. So I don’t say “you can always quit a team” lightly, but…there is no threat if you quit a shit team, no one (who matters) will get mad or make you go back.That means you can advocate for yourself, and if a reasonable shot at advocacy reveals that a coach isn’t just unfamiliar with how to do their job for someone with your disability but uninterested in doing their damn job for a disabled person, you can wave them farewell and find another.

Now, our goal is for you to find a good trainer, who just needs to be given information about what you (not someone with the ‘same’ condition, but you specifically) have got going on.

I’m going to tell you to look up an adult learn-to-skate program. Most rinks will have regular learn-to-skate and learn-to-hockey programs spaced throughout the year (often paired so you spend “first semester” on skating before the people who want to move up to hockey). Look up different rinks, talk to people about the rink culture and the coaches there. If you have the time, maybe spend a while hanging out there watching the open skates, local team practices or public classes, getting a sense what it’s like and telling yourself you have as much right to be in that barn as anyone else. Then sign up for a class. But first I want you to be devastatingly, Hepburn-ishly confident in talking about what your disability means for you.

From the information you’ve just given me, I don’t know almost anything I would need to work with you. You may or may not know that information about yourself already, but you can figure it out.

“Mild hemiplegia” is not a super-medical phrase. Hemiplegia is complete paralysis on one side of the body, where you are unable to move those muscles on purpose. A mild to moderate loss of muscle strength on one side is hemiparesis.

These terms are, to be honest, mostly used to organize medical literature. They describe very specific signs that might happen for a variety of reasons. Other symptoms like loss of sensation, loss of range of motion, involuntary muscle spasms, or loss/delay of involuntary motion (reflexes), which may or may not occur with plegia/paresis, have to be specified and described. If I were treating you I definitely wouldn’t describe your case as “hemiplegia”, I would call it “hemiparesis” with a lot more descriptive words around that (and I probably wouldn’t use either when talking to you).

It’s not that you used a word wrong. I’m concerned that 1. people have made you think you have to use A Medical Name for your disability for it to be taken seriously, but also 2. because the stroke happened so early, you’ve actually been denied care and opportunities to learn about it.

1. First, for the record, you don’t have to justify your disabled identity to me. And while I really (really) understand the self-protective urge a lot of us have to try to say, “my condition is really real and serious, it has a Real Medical Name, please believe me”, I think that (outside of a legal context where you’re seeking protected accommodations) that strategy often isn’t as useful as we hope it will be to communicate with other people in our daily lives. The people who demand to see your Really Medically Serious card before making accommodations will always find something else to demand, while people who aren’t trying to be assholes will be better able to help you if they know exactly, practically how.

It’s not that one way of talking about your disability is wrong, but I want you to talk about it in ways that are useful to you, that help you connect with other people and get you what you want.

2. I’ve worked with a lot of elders who have paralysis or hemiparesis from strokes later in life, after being able-bodied for most of their lives, and doctors and therapists jump right up in there teaching and training them to “recover” that “lost function”. They/their families can’t not know all the medical words just from hearing them over and over. But what often happens when a person is disabled since childhood is that…they aren’t seen as having “lost capacity” that can be “saved”, but as having a baseline “low level of function” that’ll never change, so much less attention is payed.

I’m using the air quotes because many people’s disabilities are present throughout their whole lives, and someone’s disability or disabled identity is not just a “problem” to be solved or gotten rid of. But people with disabilities grow and change, especially when we’re, you know, children. What often happens is that parents/authorities encourage able-bodied children to play, practicing motions and building up their bodies’ ability to move, while children with disabilities get benched from practice, benched from not just one activity but from being active at all, which means being benched from developing their bodies in the ways that might actually work for them, and from developing relationships with their bodies.

Proprioception, for example, is a combination of some fundamental ability/capacity/threshold/potential/whathaveyou and skill developed through experience that changes in context. Ever seen a baby? None of them know where the hell they are. A baby that can crawl is let loose to explore the world and bump into things that trigger their nerves until their body learns to fit all that sensation information together and use it. A baby that doesn’t crawl for some other reason often doesn’t get a chance to explore, to experience those sensations or train up that skill. And a kid that has a different threshold for stimulation, who naturally seeks out more or less or a different sort, is often stopped from stimming in ways which would provide their body information they could process.

As an adult, you get the chance to look at what you want to do and how your body can do it again.

So…

I want you to go throw a ball at a wall. Try to catch it. If you do any exercises already, sit-ups or pushups, do some of those. Run around the block, jump around on your bed. Stretch or just swing your arms and legs around. Find some small objects to use as weights and lift them, with either arm and then either leg (or set them on the floor and see if you can push them).

Work your way up your body one limb at a time, first thinking just about that limb on its own and then comparing the two sides after you’ve done them both. Don’t put a value judgement on anything yet, just pay attention: if your feet feel okay after running around, if you had more strength in one spot than you expected, if you had fun jumping, if there was a time you thought you might wobble but were able to correct, count that too! Think about each activity you did, the sensations around it, and whether that stim was satisfying, overstimulating, or not stimulating enough.

I want you to be able to go to a learn-to-play program, ask to talk with the coach at an appropriate time during the application or orientation, and say things like, “I have this condition. This is what it means: I have less strength with one arm, but I can move it as fast as the other, and with the same range of motion. I don’t grip items as well with one hand, or I tend to grip very hard. I don’t feel this type of sensation in this area, but I do feel that”.

Your coach is then going to recommend exercises to build strength in particular areas, or modifications to exercises so that you can do them without needing to use a particular area; they might have you try different equipment (find a tape job or adapted hand position that helps you keep hold of your stick, etc), and they may also encourage your towards and start training you for a particular position where you could do the most. When it comes to sensation, they’ll know to watch you closer for injuries in that spot that you might not notice.

This came in while I was applying to go back to university, and I bribed myself through the short essay section by pausing every hour to eat chocolate and sketch out what I would have you do for hypothetical positions and exercise plans. That’s still a long way off, but I’m very invested, so a couple things I want you to think about as you work towards the goal:

Keep sled hockey in mind. It’s not always a fit for people whose disability involves their arms, but it’s a cool community and most rinks will offer clinics where you can try out a sled and get a sense of the game.

How do you feel about getting hit with a puck? From your description, stickhandling and shooting may not be super fun for you. They may be, but if you give them a fair try and start to fee discouraged, try picturing yourself as a defender focussing on positioning or shot-blocking, or a goalie. Some people never ever want to do it, which is fair, but if you’re at all interested I’d love to see you try some time in goal! Everyone’s different but some folks the weight of the pads and the focused role can be really good stimulation. If your handling or footwork doesn’t feel great, goaltending would let you focus on moving your body more naturalistically as a whole to position in front of shots. And everyone else will love you for volunteering!

Write back and tell us how it goes!