#and are idiots

[starkidthings]

I've had this idea for idiots in love klance fic for sometime now so here you go :3

Lance likes to people watch, since he can remember he has had a fascination with how people acted. He knew it was rude, but he couldn't help it! He would just end up zoning out, it just happens that his eyes would follow whoever was near. He wasn't jogging them, just taking a look. He tried to keep it as discreet as possible, however, people would notice, and when they did, he did his best to play it cool. Many people got the wrong idea. 

This problem would persist throughout Lance's school life, and it definitely led to some awkward situations. According to middle school law, staring at someone meant you liked them, and since Lance was always looking at people for no good, he just had to like them. That's probably when he first got his Playboy title. He just happened to find people interesting! Was that so bad? It didn't mean he liked them or had any real interest in them-

Most of the time. 

Of course, he did have crushes, and he would stare, what else was he to do? It is normal to look at things you like. He would never act on those feelings, he was normally rejected because of the rumors surrounding his so called love life, but he was happy to just watch from afar. And so was the case with Keith. Lance had first noticed him back at the Garrison. It was his mullet that first drew his attention, after all, you don't see hair like that every day. It was kind of ugly and unkept, but that's what drew him in. The next thing he noticed was his attitude, it was terrible, he was witty and always had something backhanded to say. Lance would observe Keith, just Like he always did. Lance found Keith to be fascinating and weirdly charming. But then Keith disappeared, and Lance continued on. Of course, he knew the rumors and had his own suspicions but the Garrison never said a word. He never trusted the staff at the school, he always felt like they were hiding something, but he didn't have the time or the means to really do anything about it, so he moved on.

Little did Lance know, just a few months later he would be stuck with the very same guy in space. And just like his fascination, his crush returned. Lance never planned to act on it, especially given their circumstance. Being like the mullet,  stuck in space during a galactic space war and fighting for the freedom of Thousands of planets and your life isn't exactly ideal for professing your love to someone who doesn’t even remember you. so he just watched from afar, like he always did.

Literally 

He would stare, during meals, meetings, basically whenever they were in the same room, and Keith noticed, how could he not? Lance would watch him like a hawk. Lance, would, of course, feign innocence whenever anyone said anything. There was no good way to expand why he would watch Keith, he didn't even know himself. Of course, yeah, he had a crush on him, but that wasn't it. There was something about Keith that was just so captivating. Keith never said what he was feeling, and it was definitely frustrating for the others. However, Lance always knew what Keith was feeling. What Keith didn’t say, he would show, his actions would speak the words he couldn't say himself. Not long after beginning their journey through space, Lance began to notice the way Keith acted when he was nervous, or sad, or angry. Keith was an open book. If the others just spent a little more time observing then they would probably be able to see it too. 

Despite how intensely Lance would stare, Keith never said a word. Normally by now, the person on the receiving end would have noticed, especially with how little Lance did to hide it. But if Keith knew, he never said anything about it. In a weird way, he was grateful for Keith's witlessness, it meant he didn't have to come up with some half thought excuse for the way he was staring, or go through the pain of trying to explain what he was doing only to be told he was crazy. Yeah, he had his spats with Keith, they didn't always get along, but they did respect each. Lance did his best to help him out whenever he noticed Keith having a ruff time with his emotions, that was something Lance was good with, he was a bit of a therapist friend back on earth. And Keith would return the favor in his own way. Whether it be giving him a towel after a rough training session, moving over so Lance could sit on the sofa in the community space, or even just a hand on his shoulder. It was the little things that his heart latched onto. 

Despite the fact that Lance was a very vigilant person, there were times when even Lance didn't know how to read Keith. Times when Keith would storm off after what Lance thought to be a playful fight, or when Lance would tease Keith with a play for wink and Keith would look away with a huff. Or this one time when they were on the sofa together and Keith ended up falling asleep on Lance's shoulder and when he woke up Keith shot up and darted away, Lance swore he saw Keith blushing… 

Who was he kidding, Lance had learned to not get his hopes up. One too many times had he thought someone felt the same only to learn he had the whole situation wrong. He was sure as hell not going to let that happen again.

Even after their playful fights become more flirtatious, or the hand on his shoulder becomes the hand on his back, to side hug, to a full hug. Or when his playful wink becomes a longing stare. 

No! Not even after they begin openly flirting with one another, As a joke! Keith was just running with the joke! that was all! It did hurt to know the sweet words Keith spoke were nothing more than empty filler, a way to get under Lance's skin. And it did, just not in the way Keith probably hoped. Lance had only fallen deeper for the emo boy. 

And so, it happened all too naturally when they started another round of their flirting. It was Keith's fault really, Lance was just doing his thing, zoning out, looking at Keith, when Keith just had to bring it up.

"Take a picture, it will last longer." Keith didn't even look up from what he was doing.

This caught Lacne off guard. Keith never really said anything about him staring until now. Had he really been that obvious? Probably. 

So, without thinking, Lance said the first thing that came to mind. "Why would I take a picture when you're right here?" he tried to sound as cool and unbothered as possible.

Keith had now turned away from what he was doing to look Lance in the eyes. He has his normal scowl drawn on his face, he was annoyed at Lance. 

"Carefully hot stuff, you keep that up and I might just fall in love with you." His voice was monotone, it was clearly sarcasm. 

"Oh you think that's bad, I've been in love with you this whole time." His words fell before he could have a second thought.

He regretted it instantly but tried to play it cool. But the look Keith was giving him made him want to run in the opposite direction. Keith's eyebrows were furrowed together, and he was making direct eye contact now. This was something Lance didn't see often, and he was mortified. 

So he began to laugh. That's right, if he just laughed it off Keith would think he was just joking. 

"Lance." Keith wasn’t laughing

Lance just continued to try and laugh this whole mess off, "ha ha, could you imagine, me in love with you? That would just be weird." 

Lance could feel his chest tighten at those words, he hated saying it out loud, but he had a friendship to save. However, Keith still wasn't having it. His face only grew more, angry? Annoyed? Maybe even, hurt? Lance couldn’t read him.

"Lance I'm being serious here" 

There was no escape, he was cornered. He needed to think fast, he needed to get out of here. And as if the gods above heard his pleas, Shiro walked into the room. 

"Hey can one of you two-" he stopped when he saw the two of them. Lance with his face beat red and Keith scowing at him.

"Am I interrupting something?" 

"Nope! Not at all! How can I help." Lance got up immediately and walked over to Shiro, he didn't care if it was one of the many stupid odd jobs they did as paladins, he just wanted to get out of there. 

Lance was a coward, he was very aware of that fact. In the end, he had to help clean out one of the many rooms in the castle after one of Pidge’s projects went astray. After which he avoided Keith for the rest of the day, and week for that matter. Lance did everything in his power to not be alone with Keith. Even if that meant being a guinea pig for Pidge’s projects or taste-testing Hunk's “new” creations. He knew avoiding Keith wasn’t going to help anything and was probably just make things worse, but he was just too scared of being formally rejected and possibly losing one of his close friends. And so Lance played the coward. 

Lance had been able to avoid Keith for the rest of the week, but it seemed the others were starting to catch on, he hadn’t been exactly subtle about it either. He used to spend most of his free time talking and arguing with Keith, and when he wasn’t around, Lance would talk about Keith all the time, yeah they had fought, like really fought before. But nothing to this magnitude. And the others were worried, as friends and as teammates. There had differently been a noticeable decline in both of their performances as Voltron, Keith especially had been slacking. Lance assumed it was because he was angry or upset at Lance.

Lance knew he couldn’t do this forever, the others had been nagging him to just make up already, claiming that it wasn’t worth ruining a friendship over. But they knew nothing of what really happened, or just how fuck Lance really was. Eventually, he noticed the other trying to get the two of them alone. They always had something to do when Lance entered the room, or were “just about to leave.” Lance could see through this, but he knew they had a point, he couldn’t run forever. He just didn’t know how he was going to explain it to Keith. Was he going to lie, tell him it really was a joke? But if it was how was he could to explain why he had been acting weird? He could just tell the truth, but he knew that was not going to end well. He just couldn’t stand to face him. Every time he looked at Keith he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Luck for him Keith was the first to strike.

Lance had been mindlessly walking around the castle, everyone he tried to talk to had something else to do that “didn’t involve him.” he hadn’t seen Keith at all that day which was a little weird but he wasn’t really complaining, although he did feel bad. Keith had been trying to talk to him this whole time, but every time he tried Lance would just runway. 

So you can imagine his surprise when he saw Keith waiting by his door. Lance tried to turn and go in the other direction but was too slow.

“Lance, can we please talk.” Keith's voice rang in Lance's ears, how long had it been since they last talked?

“Sorry man, I just remember I had something, in uh, this direction.” it was an obvious lie. 

“Lance, please.” Keith had said in a voice Lance had not heard before.

Lance finally turned to face Keith. He stood there stiffly with his hands clutched at his side, his face was painted in a pained expression. He looked as though he was about to cry. Lance felt a wave of guilt wash over him. What had he done.

Keith rubbed his eyes with his sleeve, trying to stop any tears from escaping. 

“Lance, will you please talk to me, what is going on” Keith didn’t move his arm from his face as he spoke. 

Lance took a few steps closer, he wanted to put a hand on his shoulder but ultimately decided against it. he didn’t know what else to do, “I- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen.” 

Keith moved his hand and looked Lance in the eyes, “You didn’t mean for what to happen! You didn’t mean to ignore me for a week! Just tell me what the hell is going on, why.” his words were filled with both anger and sadness. 

“I didn’t mean for it to happen like that, I didn’t mean to tell you”

“What are you talking about? Didn’t mean to tell me what!” Keith was only growing angrier.

“I didn’t mean to tell you that I was in love with you!” Lance ended up shouting that last part.

They both grew quiet after that. Lance could feel his face grow red after those words. He stepped back and shrunk into himself. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

All Lance could do now was prepare for what was to come next. He had grown used to rejection but it still hurt every time. So he was shocked, to say the least when he heard Keith's words.

“I like you too.” 

“Huh!?” Lance swears he heard wrong.

“I said I like you too, at least I think.” there were no signs of sarcasm in his words as he looked Lance dead in the eyes.

Lance was still very much in shock, he never really got this far before. He had always been rejected by this point.

“What do you mean by think?!” there was still doubt in his mind, after all, this could be an attempt to mess with him.

“I don’t know man,” he rubs the back of his head, “I don’t really understand my feelings that well, but-” he takes a brief pause before continuing “I know I really care about you, it hurts not having you around.” 

This was a sight to behold for Lance, Keith Kogane, openly talking about his emotions! More importantly, talking about his feelings towards him! Lance truly didn’t know how to comprehend what was happing.

“what are you trying to say,” Lance said carefully, trying not to scare Keith off.

“What I’m trying to say,” he took a breath, “Lance, will you go out with me.” Lance finally took the time to notice Keith's face was a bright red similar to his own.

Just hearing those words made Lance's heart race. It was stupid just how happy he was hearing those words. He could feel a smile make its way onto his face and his cheeks burned. Probably looked so dumb right no

“O-Okay,” he smacked himself after the word left his mouth, “ I mean yes, I’ll go out with you” he couldn’t help but feel giddy at those words.

Keith began giggling be for it soon broke out in full on laughing, one of those laughs where you in up crying. Tears fell from his face as tried to hide behind his arm again. This time, however, Lance stopped him by grabbing his face. He wiped the warm tears with his hand. Lance was also laughing at this. Eventually, they both calmed down enough to speak.

“Lance” 

“Ye-yeah?” he was a little scared of what he was bout to hear. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

Lance couldn't think of a response, he couldn’t think in general. This all felt so surreal. But before he could he could come up with more words to embarrass himself with he felt Keith's hand on his face. before he could react, he was pulled into a rough but short kiss. 

“Sorry, I got impatient” Keith wasn’t actually sorry.

Lance just laughed and pulled Keith into a hug. Lance could die happy in the arms of Keith. Despite the fact he smelled like sweat and cheap shampoo, he was differently going to have to help him with his hair care, but that was for another day. But it only made him happier, it was Keith's smell. All he cared about right now was the guy in front of him. They stayed in the embrace for maybe a little too long but neither wanted to let go.

“Keith, hey Keith have you seen…” 

They both immediately let go of each other and tried to straighten out, but they were too slow as Shiro rounded the corner. He just looked at the two, both of them were flustered and Keith's eyes were still red from crying.

“Oh, uh never mind” Shiro shook his head and turned around but not before giving Keith a wink. 

“No funny business you two” and with that he left.

“Shiro!” Keith shouted after Shiro, Lance was too embarrassed to say anything.

[victusinveritas]

[teaboot]

Okay so I'm a security guard, right

And part of why I like my job is cause I'm pretty good at deescalating conflicts without violence or police involvement

And that *might* be because my primary coping mechanism for stress is humor, and if the guy in the uniform isn't stressed out, usually nobody else is either

But anyhow today I witnessed a crime, which 911 had already been called for

And I'm telling the guy, you know, as he's running away, that nobody's gonna touch him, we don't do that here, I don't have any weapons and he can totally walk on out if he wants to

And he gives me this 'go-fuck-yourself" type answer, right? As you do

And I fucking

I fucking. Start danCING

I DONT KNOW WHY

I WAS JUST LIKE "aight guess I'll go fuck myself then, cheerio" AND START FUCKING DANCING

LIKE MY BRAIN WAS LIKE "Cool not being attacked, gotta keep the witnessed calm, gotta stay chill and breezy" AND THE PHYSICAL RESPONSE FOR THAT WAS TO SYART DOING THIS SASSY FUCKING JIG

I DIDNT EVEN REALIZR I WAS FDOUNG IT UNTIL SOMEONE POIU TED IT OUT AFTER

and it all ended fine and the dude is in custody and I get a call from my boss like "Yeah we're gonna need to send footage to police"

AND

FUCKING

THIS IS GOING TO BE SHOWN IN COURT SOMEWHERE

IM DOUNG A SRUPID LITTLE DANCE ON CAMERA AS THIS GUY LOSES HIS MIND AND ITS GONNA BE ON COURT SOMEWHERW

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING IVE WVER DONE

I HATE MYSELFD

[onyx-archer]

Jeez this just gets worse and worse by the minute, doesn't it? They're trying to swing their weight around in someone's DMs out of sheer pettiness?

Can we just all collectively make a substitute to NaNo now, and write purely to spite them?

watching @nanowrimo within a single hour:

make an awful, ill-conceived, sponsored post about "responsible"/"ethical" uses of ai in writing

immediately get ratio'd in a way i've never seen on tumblr with a small swarm of chastising-to-negative replies and no reblogs

start deleting replies

reply to their own post being like 'agree to disagree!!!' while saying that ai can TOTALLY be ethical because spellcheck exists!! (???) while in NO WAY responding to the criticisms of ai for its environmental impact OR the building of databases on material without author consent, ie, stolen material, OR the money laundering rampant in the industry

when called out on deleting replies, literally messaged me people who called them out to say "We don't have a problem with folks disagreeing with AI. It's the tone of the discourse." So. overtly stated tone policing.

get even MORE replies saying this is a Bad Look, and some reblogs now that people's replies are being deleted

DISABLE REBLOGS when people aren't saying what nano would prefer they say

im juust in literal awe of this fucking mess.

[starlight-bread-blog]

Me: I shouldn't disturb Neil Gaiman. I shouldn't send an ask unless I really have no way of getting the information otherwise. I'll check old interviews and all the articles that vaguely mention the subject. Of course it goes without saying that I'll read though the FAQ in its entirety. Only then, will I send an ask. However, I'd be very polite and praise his work, as anyone would. I'd also keep it short, because I don't want to waste his time. But I'd keep it very very respectful. I'd be sending a message to a very talented, amazing author that deals with god knows how many like me. Or I'd just stay in the dark and not send him an ask. Yeah, I'll do that.

My Dash:

[demaparbat-hp]

That infamous prison escape.

[guidonian-hand]

Why was I today years old when I learned that lead compounds taste SWEET and THAT'S why kids eating paint chips back in the day was a concern?

[lautakwah]

EDIT: CHECK MY LATEST ADDITION BEFORE YOU START SHIT IN THE NOTES, THANKS.

warning for discord users

If you're on the app, immediately go to your dms and then "add friends". After the latest update they allow your contacts to find you and have that option turned on by default, so make sure it's unchecked!

This is very obviously not great for a multitude of reasons, but especially for people in vulnerable positions who do not want people in their contacts to see who they are on discord and/or know they have discord in the first place. I've also tried finding out if this is a thing on desktop but haven't been able to find any mention of it, so either it's not a "feature" (yet) or they've hidden it. Either way, stay safe, and turn off finding friends via contacts!

[ID: three screenshots from the discord app with circles around the buttons to press to get to this "feature". 1: the messages/DM button, 2: the "add friends button", 3: in the add friends page, the "allow contacts to add me" checkbox. /END ID]

[unhingemyheart]

Prime Video: So, Good Omens Season 2 

Neil Gaiman: Yes

Prime Video: What‘s the Story? 

Neil Gaiman: No story, just vibes.

Prime Video: Neil, we need a little more to work with. 

Neil Gaiman: Okay, do you remember Sister Theresa Garrulous and Sister Loquacious from Season 1?

Prime Video: Yes?

Neil Gaiman: They‘re in a coffee shop AU.

Prime Video: Aaaand?

Neil Gaiman: And they need to fall in love. 

Prime Video: But Neil what about Crowley and Aziraphale?

Neil Gaiman: Oh, don‘t worry. They‘re already in love. 

[fellowshipofthenoodles]

Tolkien is having his first ever egg. It’s. Not going well.

[penn-dragon]

The other day I was dying laughing at the thought of Zoro (first time feeling attraction) talking to Luffy (never felt attraction in his life) about his feelings for Sanji and them coming up with a wildly incorrect assumption about what's happening

[easel-eisel]

"no added msg" to be honest it could use some msg

[infohazardouz]

they liked this on twitter im thinking you would too

[hansoeii]

look at you, you're gorgeous!

[sableunavailable]

wyd in this situation