#and anywho that’s hurting me

[tarvastries]

once again rewatching fellowship and there’s something so awful and powerful about aragorn’s “I would have gone with you to the end. into the very fires of mordor” line because although this is him realizing the ring is too much of a temptation for the fellowship to bear, that’s also kinda how grief works isn’t it?

we lose people. we lose things. we’re given an impossible task — to move on and learn to live over and around this new person- or thing-shaped hole in our lives. an empty space where a mother’s smile used to be, a torn-open wallet that used to be overflowing with security and the future, days that stretch on and on because they’ve never been quite so empty before.

we lose these things and there is no getting around the weight of the loss. you can’t step around it or out of its way. you have to carry it with you, like a stone in your pocket, a bag on your back, a ring on a chain around your neck. you have to bring it wherever you go. many of us bring it to hell and back as we walk the long road not of forgetting the loss, but forgiving the world — and ourselves — for moving on from it.

people try to come with us on the road. they offer thoughts and prayers, and some actually mean it. some walk beside us the whole way, others for as long as they’re able. but we are the only ones who can see it through to the end. even sam couldn’t know exactly what frodo thought or felt during and after the journey to mount doom. he carried the grief, but it was never his to burn through, not really.

and although it doesn’t always mean much, not when we’re blinded by the hurt and loss, knowing that there’s someone willing to walk on coals with you, knowing that someone loved you, that they would try their best and hardest to share the burden that only you can truly carry… sometimes that means more than anything else in the world

we fight so hard in this world to shield ourselves from pain. we put ourselves through the ringer for safety, security, comfort, peace. it’s hard-earned and even harder to keep.

so when aragorn says he would have gone with frodo into the burning heart of despair and hopelessness in their world — a place no one ever leaves or leaves the same — it hits me right in the heart, where I’m still grieving some things. it reminds me that even though I am the only one who can cast my grief into the fire, the only one who can bear the entire burden and feel the full sharpness and weight of it, that there are people who are willing to put all survival instinct and common sense and selfishness aside to walk that broken path with me. to help me stumble to the end. even if they’re not able to, even if they have no choice but to let me go it alone… knowing they would is enough. it’s overwhelming. it reminds me why I’m grieving in the first place — love. it will always and forever be because of love.

there’s more I could say, but this is already too long. anyway, I don’t think I ever truly understood aragorn’s line until today. i’ll never look at it the same again.

[mars-ipan]

i have other things to draw but these new kmhn fits from the merch drop have enamored me

(my comms are open, btw!)

[justaz]

need post magic reveal/ban repeal where magic is free and everyone grows in their knowledge of just what magic is and how it works etc, etc. merlin (isn't one for bragging about his powers) doesn't really mention much about his magic so people just assume he has enough to get by with like chores but not enough to catch the ire of uther EXCEPT for gauis, lancelot, and arthur bc gaius and lancelot have known about him for years and know what he's capable of and arthur sat merlin down and demanded all the stories so arthur knows he'd be a formidable opponent but he doesn't really get it yk? so he's like "yeah merlin has magic and he's capable of defending himself and camelot so he's probably on the more powerful end of the spectrum like every other sorcerer who is powerful"

and then i need merlin to be Different. like noticeably different. like idk a sorcerer is like trying out to be court sorcerer (bc merlin doesn't want another job dammit arthur give it morgana or someone-) and they perform this elaborate spell that captivates merlin and he starts asking all these questions and the sorcerer is like "yeah it's super difficult, it took me months to get it right and it takes years for some others-" and they cut themselves off bc merlin was just like "i wanna try" and does it perfectly first try. the sorcerer is seething.

camelot is hit with a heatwave and everyone is suffering and arthur is just like "morgana can you make it rain or something? it's too hot to breathe." and morgana is just like "no you idiot i can't just bend nature to my will. it doesn't like that." and merlin finally arrives with waterskins full of nice, cold, refreshing drink that the knights are frothing at the mouth to get. arthur complains again and morgana huffs and merlin is like "has he been like that this whole time?" and morgana nods with a groan and merlin laughs before going "i can try something" and leaves before anyone can say anything and arthur looks at morgana and is like "i thought you said nature doesn't like to be controlled?" and she's like "it doesn't" and then they all chase after merlin but he's chilling in the courtyard with his eyes closed, not even chanting, and then the sky starts to darken as black clouds roll in, the temperature plummets and then...snow begins to fall. in july. they all end up having a snowball fight.

a power hungry sorcerer comes along and is like "emrys....he's perfect....just what i need...teehee" and casts some spell over merlin and begins to siphon his magic and his power and merlin feels waves of his magic flood through the connection and into the sorcerer and like he's a mix of panic and concern bc yeah this mf is taking his magic but they're taking his magic. merlin tries to bargain or talk them down while the knights and arthur try to attack but the sorcerer keeps pushing them back and ignores merlin and is like "i want power, i want your power" blah blah blah monologue time and they swing another wave of magic out at the knights and knock many out while killing some and merlin is just like "ok no that's all folks thanks" and starts to push his own magic through the connection. the sorcerer has this wild gleam in their eyes and they feel more and more power fill them and it's like a high until it gets too much and they frantically try to sever the connection and their telling merlin to stop but merlin is just like "i thought you wanted my power? i'm giving it to you" and continues to flood the sorcerer with his magic until gold begins to trace their skin and they idk explode or smth and then all the magic flies back into merlin and he flexes his hands. unnamed knights 3, 6, 22, 53, and 55 still died so it's a tragedy.

a bunch of sorcerers are entertaining at a feast (kind of like the trickler) and they cast illusions all around the room that look real enough (unless you look too closely or touch it bc they are somewhat see through and your hand would pass right through them) and it's a fun and joyous night. later that week, the knights bring it up during their break while training and merlin is like "sure, what illusion should i cast?" and after some back and forth, he settles on the illusion of a dragon. it's around the size and age of aithusa bc that's all he has to go off of and it's gold since he took inspiration from the pendragon crest all around the area. it jumps around and flaps it's wings to get some air and it's all fine and dandy until elyan goes to poke his hand through it's ribs but meets physical scales and he jumps up into percival's arms. merlin looks closer and is like "oh. its real. whoops." and leon is like "whoops?? you make a real life dragon and all you have to say is whoops?" and merlin shrugs and is like "it was an accident" and leon about keels over from a heart attack "an accident? how do you accidentally-" the dragon is considered a gift from magic to camelot and helps further heal the wounds of uther's purge.

idk just like merlin being casually the most powerful sorcerer to walk the earth and unnerving people just by how little he seems to care about his shows of power but they're all like "well he's just doing all these small things that don't harm anyone and he doesn't even seem to realize just how powerful he is so what can ya do?" and they leave it be and make peace with merlin being Like That. and then camelot/arthur is attacked or smth idk and then everyone gets to see exactly how powerful and dangerous merlin is

[wispforever]

possess

[franticfloralfrenfern]

More ddvau by @kitsuneisi and @xmaruu11 because the guys have taken over my brain

[vaguely-lavender-er]

I see your Klavier: “Sparkle on!” art and counter with Simon: “Fuck off.” art

Here’s a still:

And here’s the OG post 😋

[grunklefordpines]

HELLO. I HAVE A QUERIE.

IN YOUR JOURNAL, YOU VERY FORMALLY REFER TO SHERMIE AS "SHERMAN PINES", AS OPPOSED TO THE CASUAL TONE IN WHICH YOU REFER TO STANLEY SIMPLY BY FIRST NAME, OR EVEN AS JUST YOUR BROTHER.

I AM UNABLE TO DECIPHER WHY. IS THERE A REASON FOR THAT?

ALSO, WHO THE [FREAK] EVEN IS SHERMIE.

— A VERY CONFUSED READER.

Well,

He’s my and Stanley’s brother.

I’m somewhat estranged from Sherman, though—He doesn’t know me as well as he knows Stan and the kids—

To him, I am one half of the memory that remains in a childhood bedroom once shared by two brothers.

—I try to keep in touch, though.

[mbirnsings-71]

Well I bamboozled myself okay- At some point I'm gonna have to make a master post of my silly AU,,,, when I write the fic I'll do that okay- so hello @transmcytshowdown and welcome to the aspects of how your poll made me think more about other characters and their genders in my silly Wedding planner!Grian x Florist!Scar AU! otherwise known as the WAaDW au or "What about a desert wedding?" Au! But wait! I should probably explain what this au is first!

The basic premise of the au is that Grian is a wedding planner and helping plan Ren & Martyn's wedding, and in the process meets Florist!Scar and they just have a romcom little falling in love story (with an occasional bit of angst here and there)!

I really need to write it so badly because my two friends have gotten the rambles about it and they can confirm I have A LOT of thoughts about it (the planning doc for it is 31 pages long. 13k words. this is THE PLANNING DOC. NOT THE ACTUAL FIC.)

All my stuff is under the cut cause uhhh it's a lot I've been planning this au for maybe close to a month now? and I still haven't nearly drawn everything I wanted to for it- Also for context everyone is human in this au even though I drew scar with elf ears because I was getting used to drawing him still okay okay-

The List:

Tango? Hella Transmasc- the propaganda hit me too hard- photographic proof down below for the Tango. Also that propaganda about him having a dysphoria hoodie? could not stop thinking about it tbh-

Scott? He/They and vaguely apathetic about his gender but also does not want to be referred to with she/her pronouns. Just he is not Cis and like I'll also show proof of him through his lovecore design and my flower husbands doodle I have for him-

Cleo? She/They pronoun haver and literally identifies with the nonbinary flag irl that's literally just like me I can't misgender them ever that's literally me.

Cub? Agender and sooooo Gender Apathetic it hurts- Could call him anything and he'd just be chill with it he doesn't have time to worry about gender- (sadly I have no proof for him- I need to get on drawing him-)

Honestly considering Trans Skizz cause of the recent poll and I'm gonna do it cause god I need to draw that man and Skizz and Tango's friendship means a lot to me-

Joel? The polls have now convinced me he is transmasc and Lizzie can and will psps at him sillily cause that's her silly man.

Etho? the most pathetic wet cat of a they/he ever- probably also very apathetic about his gender-

Some Honorable mentions are Scar and Grian ofc because while they aren't Trans in my AU they do give off gender vibes so badly it hurts- Like I literally let Scar have all the gender and I will also show that down below cause he is the one I draw the most for my AU- Also Lizzie but she is not trans in my AU but gives off gender soooo well that yeah no!

Tango proof:

Scott proof:

Scar Proof:

Grian proof:

Joel Proof:

Cleo proof:

Etho Proof:

(there is a Cleo in that second image but I need to redraw her sooo badly-)

[tetzoro]

an inside look of my brain this morning

[finnleyandsillys]

I WANNA SAY THANK YOU TO @employee052 BC I FINALLY DECIDED TO SHARE MY SECOND NARRY

Currently he has no name. And I’m Debating on a whole “same man different body” kinda thing so he would still be norvin? Idk it just seems to easy to do that though. (They will have the same Stanley tho so maybe I’ll do that)

[cottonbopp]

A 360-degree perspective of serenity ...

[altruistic-meme]

on that note im literally obsessed with the level of trust that Dazai and Chuuya have for each other. like. Chuuya regularly puts his life in danger because he trusts Dazai to stop him before it's too late. Dazai trusts Chuuya to shoot a bullet at his head because he knows that he won't let it hit him. their level of trust goes deeper than anything that Fukuzawa and Mori had or what Atsushi and Akutagawa will ever reach. i literally just can't stop thinking about them.

[fruitless-vain]

I had a proper hangover for the first time in my life a couple weeks ago and that’s when I learned that what your average person deems debilitating is my average Tuesday

And now I sit with the thoughts of “THAT is what you think pain is? And you CANT work through that? You write off the entire day because of That?”

And “I’m not supposed to be having to work through That”

[feyd-meowtha]

A Pain That I'm Used To Ch 13: Haunted House

When Paul awoke the dawn was grey, highlighted in blues and yellows where the rising sun hit the frost. At some point while he had been asleep the fire had burned out and the embers twinkled in the hearth, playful and inviting. Paul spared a look at Feyd who was lying with his eyes closed. Something about the stress in his shoulders made Paul suspect that he wasn’t actually asleep but he couldn’t be sure so he didn’t disturb him, thinking it best to let him rest. Coaxing the fire back to life was a quick task and soon they were once again toasty warm, the thin layer of ice that had formed on the windows thawed and dripped in miniature waterfalls onto the window-sills making rhythmic pattering sound.

[baeshijima]

when you have a crisis over whether or not a kiss scene is needed to make the yearning and reunion and pent up emotions that much more meaningful or if it is better to have them commit small fleeting touches and nuzzles and trembling eyes and

[nexahexagon]

I love the mornings after a night of drinking. That liquid courage actually stays with me and I can actually coherently piece together my thoughts to convey how I feel.

And feel brave enough to post more than once in the span of 6 hours. Without feeling like I’m annoying the people on the other side of the screen who literally follow me to see my posts or can just continue scrolling.