#and they show it in semi aggressive ways to keep the themselves safe from all the pain that comes from getting overtly close to someone

[wispforever]

possess

[nightswithkookmin]

Was Jk shading Taehyung during his New Years wishes to him at GDA? Twitter people are reading a LOT into it, saying that Jk is still salty at Tae and vice versa. They seem pretty chill to me. Why do people always find reasons to believe there is Vminkook drama?Is there a reason to think they aren't repairing their freindship?

VMINKOOK...

First of all, why would JK shade Taehyung? What are they fighting about, I wonder. Has anyone known JK to be the passive aggressive king slash shade throwing one in that trio? Because, not me...

I don't see him as the, 'those two are hanging out now followed by a slight head tilt,' kind of person. The 'Jimin wants to come but JK is keeping him from coming,' the 'well, you ignore me anyway so I couldn't tell you were on a mission' kind.

Or even the, 'my friendship relationships are gold to me and it's important for me to nurture those connections' knowing damn well the elephant in the room has a possessive streak and he himself has been on record, allegedly, stating he has one same age friend and all his friends are hyungs- so what is JK to you then Jimin?

Then the whole, 'texting is not a great way to build connections and is a barrier to effective communication' -words spewed in full cognizance of the fact JK is a bad texter yet prefers texting to talking on phone anyway- that is what I call shade. Not sure what was in the water that day, but chilee Jimin was all over the place in that Be Behind video. Lmho.

I think everyone, including even the semi-rational Tuktukker, know damn well what JK meant by that statement and what had prompted it- but leave it to them to circumvent.

Ah, V hyung... we used to have a special bond. When we were trainees, we had such great chemistry. V used to be the easiest hyung to talk to, now it's awkward.

Where is the shade in this? I don't think at all that he is or was in anyway shading Tae or any one. To shade would imply he has stock. He don't.

I hate when people talk about Tae Kook as if there is something wrong with their bond. There isn't. It is what it is. It's just not what their shoppers make it out to be. They are looking for depth where there is none. The fact of the matter is Tae Kook lacks depth to their dynamics. We know it, JK knows it, BigHit knows it. No amount of bullying Jimin or Jokers will add that missing depth back to their relationship. Sorry.

'He is still salty,' honey he was never salty about anything to begin with. They tried it! Making it sound like JK wants Tae to change in order to relate with him again. He don't.

Why would JK be salty about Tae's growth? Why would he object to Tae's growth?

Because that's what it is. This whole Tae Kook tensions is not about them fighting, it's about them growing apart. Tae grew the fuck up and JK can't relate with him or treat him the way he used to when they were young.

And if these self absorbed, legally blind shoppers looked beyond Tae Kook for a second, they will know it's not just JK complaining about Tae changing and becoming different as he grew up.

Tae used to be the easiest hyung to talk to and bully because they were closer in age and Tae allowed for such familiarity between them. Similar to how, Jin and Jimin allows for a certain degree of familiarity and informality between them and Jk.

While Tae allowed and was open to this level of closeness and informality between them, JK apparently held on to the gates, only scraping the surface of it and inhibiting the depth that could have been to their dynamics.

Was Tae content with that dynamic? No. Did he communicate that to JK? May be he did but JK wouldn't let his guards down. Tae failed to breach JK's emotional boundaries and years later he would express this sentiment openly to JK in their conversation in Soop.

Whereas, JK admitted to Jimin's successful breach of his emotional walls when he recounted the story of their rainy day fight- let me not hear any one compare Jikook to any of JK's ship in BTS, I whoop your ass. D!

This is the intimacy that is missing in Tae Kook. When you are close to someone, you not only feel at ease with them enough to express your thoughts freely with them, you are comfortable enough with them to be yourself, be different, to antagonize them without the fear that your differences and outbursts will sever your bond or lead to irreparable damage to your bond.

Fact is, in as much as JK felt close to Tae in the early days, he harbored a fear that being fully himself enough to be 'opinionated' and fully honest in his self expressions towards him, would break their bond.

He clearly didn't trust their bond was strong enough to handle all of that. That's the intimacy you find in Jikook. The trust. They are both unapologetically themselves with eachother because they trust in their bond.

Which means they share a lot but are also very opinionated with eachother, clash and assert themselves with eachother. And I know the kumbaya fake woke Jokers hate to hear it, but Jikook are strong not because they don't fight but because their bond withstands the test of a fight as Tae explained in his conversation with JK in Soop.

He was able to get closer with Jimin and Jin by being openly assertive with them- going against Jimin in the dumpling incident and all the times they fought, directly confrontational with Jin over their dance choreo but with JK he had always been scared to open himself in that way with him for whatever reason- I won't bother speculating on. It's their ship, they should do the maths.

May be he learned his lesson. He's learned not to fear conflict, to be assertive without fearing he would be punished for it, to be less passive aggressive as he was before and express himself and his feelings more openly over the years.

But it took him closing himself off to get there. Always looking in photos as if Yeontan ate the last brisket. Exuding melancholic vibes.

Young Jk equally didn't have a positive view on conflict and conflict resolution and I think he knew his place as the youngest and did not want to be as opinionated or assertive against them and so, as he explained to Tae in Soop, he opted to keep a safe distance emotionally from everyone- not just Tae.

When JK talks about we used to have a special bond, all he means is they used to be mischievous, get in trouble together, be brats, chat shit under their breaths behind their hyungs- partners in crime and as I like to call them, be the evil power duo of BTS.

They literally shared one brain cell lol, and conspired a lot. Their bond was unique only in that Tae was a rebel at heart and a bit innocent or immature as RM and the others would say.

Ship wise, Tae used to be on his side. He was protective of him and and looked out for him when they were young- that's of course before he started passive aggressively exposing JK's relationship with Jimin on VLives, incessantly shipping Jimin with Suga, dragging JK's ass away from JM's car so he could ride with him and all of those harmless moments that to anyone with little understanding of Tae's character would assume Tae didn't support JK's relationship.

And even after Soop, he put JK on the spot when he tried eye fucking Jimin through the view finder during their dynamite MV- he knew what JK was going to do. He's seen him do that a countless times to Jimin- HE KNOWS.

There is a reason JK gave him that look in the Dynamite shoot interview when he thought Tae was intentionally trying to expose him holding hands with Jimin behind Suga.

As much as these little things may be irritating to Kook, I don't think Tae gotta kiss his ass too. Jk can be messy sometimes with his Jikook agenda.

Of course they dynamic would change if Tae changed too- which is what Jimin and everyone says of Taehyung. He is very reserved and mature now. He is not the same childish, immature, reckless teen JK or Tuktukkers used to know.

He grew faster than either JK or JM had hoped and they both miss that part of him. Tae said he wished he could get a time machine and show Army the 'Chimchar' he was back in the day. The only way Taekook can be real is if we all hop into a time machine and go back in time to change the trajectory of events.

Tuktukkers need to let go of their old ship, that ship is dead and embrace the new ship brewing in its stead.

Jimin have said occasionally, that side of Tae pops out but he is very different from who he used to be when they were young. Which explains these outbursts of moments and interactions reminiscent of their past bond but that's all that is.

Why do these people insist on infantilizing Tae and holding him to his past?

That comment at GDA wasn't shade. But it was an inside Joke I feel. Like I said, when JK talks about their past history and bond, to me it's reference to a time period where Tae was on his side and was mischievous. To me it's code for 'I miss when you were less uptight and strict.'

He brought up when Tae gave them leeway and was lenient with their schedule during the making of Be- a sentiment all the members expressed in the Be behind video when they praised Tae for giving them much room in their schedules.

It was the same thing he said during his speech to Tae at GDA after bringing up the whole past bond thingy. He wanted to express appreciation to Tae perhaps because the loose schedule Tae had created had given him much time to go home and give his man a blowjob or go house shopping with him- who knows.

The way he kept looking at Jimin while saying that... yea. I'm going with that. Lol.

That loose schedule definitely put Tae in JK and JM's good graces.

My take away from that moment though, is- JK's agenda to give Tuktukkers hernia🤣

Lord I'm dying. I laughed so hard my ribs hurt. Pray for me. Lmho.

Chilee JK.

Dude is on a mission to run the entire Taekook gay, Taekook married propaganda campaign into the ground. What guts me is, he knows what Tae Kook is. I bet he went online after that Tae Kook Vlive to watch Tae Kook compilations. He's been on a mission to obliterate that ship since. Lol.

I mean I won't put it past him. Probably looked up Yoonmin while he was at it and showed Jimin analysis videos of him moaning in Suga's bedroom🤣🤣🤣🤣

Would explain why he was laughing when he saw Yoonmin in the comments during the VLive and why Jimin looked like he wanted to eat us alive. Lmho.

Oh Tae touched my peepee? You bloody moaned in Suga's bedroom how about we call it even?

ROTFL.

I joke but I mean, this is the same dude who took an online personality test after Tae read his results to him in Soop- he definitely watched those Tae Kook compilation-Y'all laugh else I'll shoot you. Lmho. I can't be the only one who finds this funny!

He knows what shipping is, he knows how statements like that would be construed by the fans- and the fact Jimin had spent an entire interview and behind scenes openly disavowing his glorified friendship connections... I smell a renewal of commitment somewhere.

Don't mind me. I play too much sometimes.

There is nothing wrong with Tae Kook's friendship. If anything, it seems JK feels very appreciative of Tae in recent times which is usually a good sign between them because for Vminkook to thrive they all need to make space for eachother and for the pairings amongst them to thrive- Vmin, Taekook and Jikook.

I hope this helps?

Signed,

GOLDY

[feanorianethicsdepartment]

Hi! Now I would love to know more about Rochwen, if you would be so obliged? I’m really curious as to this soulless Fëanorian.

of all of my ocs who could have provoked this question, it had to be her

okay so circa 2015-ish i used to use online dressup makers for fandom stuff a lot on account of how i really, really can’t draw. little while back i found myself doing it again to create rough character designs for the fëanorian child ocs i presently have names for, all two of them

here’s rochwen. i also made a halren to keep an eye on her

... dude. anyway the thing you need to understand about the gap is that it’s very much a joint operation. the lords of the gap are mags and his wife, a sinda from the hithlum area, and the semi-nomadic bands of horse warriors who report to them are as much drawn from her people as they are from his. the culture that grows up there is recognisably noldorin, sure, but it’s also uniquely sindarin. you can see it on rochwen’s face; it’s full of metal because noldor, but she also has some sindarin honour tattoos - the hithlum sindar aren’t as into them as say, the laiquendi, but it is still something they do, and something they brought to the gap

rochwen herself is born in the 260s 1a, which puts her at the younger end of the middle of the pack of fëanorian cousins. she exists because the sindar of the gap tend to deal with misplaced infants more communally than the noldor, which leaves mags without any kidnap babies to love and cherish and raise into loyal little killing machines. he’s naturally somewhat bummed by this, but his wife finds kidnapdoption kinda skeevy for some reason? so no go

then, not long after the defeat of glaurung and the beginning of the long peace, she’s like, ‘you know, if you’re so desperate for a child we could always get one the traditional way.’ mags is absolutely down for this. ecce rochwen

rochwen... like i said, it’s an epessë. the people of the gap get called the horse people for pretty much the same reasons as the rohirrim several millenia later, and their lords are the horse lords, the rochir and the rochiril. their daughter naturally starts getting called the horse maiden pretty much as soon as it gets out that she exists, and soon enough it’s all anybody calls her. it’s appropriate too, she really likes horses

she also likes people, in a not terribly dissimilar way to how she likes horses. she would have made an excellent courtier in the tirion of old, she’s pleasant and witty and good at talking to people and completely amoral in the way she deals with them. she’s manipulative, she’s ruthless, she never forgets anything, and she’s charming enough that a lot of people like her despite themselves. she is the chief vector of gossip among her cousins, and did a lot to inflame a certain incident known to history only as orcgate, seemingly only to get several people in trouble for the sheer sake of it. it never really progressed beyond toying with the people around her during her lifetime, but given the chance...

i also see rochwen as kind of a spoiled princess type, except with yurts and horses and a whole lot of blood. she is a massive daddy’s girl, extremely good at wheedling her parents to give her what she wants, and is generally adored by those around her, especially when she was little. she used to flitter around camp watching everybody when she was younger, which is why her dad calls her hummingbird. once she’s grown up, she’s more deliberate in her movements, but still likes to skip around whistling a jaunty tune

she spends her childhood following her parents as they patrol the gap and her young adulthood as a semi-independent freerider. sometimes she’ll hook up with a warband, sometimes she’ll wander between them, helping with horses and building a network of friends who will one day form the core of her personal guard. like all of the house, she is absolutely terrifying in battle, laughing merrily as she slices open orcs with her cavalry spear or tramples them beneath her horses’ hooves. she visits her cousins in the off-season, riding down south or into the mountains to hang out and collect gossip. she’s pushing for permission to visit west beleriand, but her stupid overprotective parents won’t let her go until she’s proven herself capable of leading a command

when fire erupts from the mountains of tyranny, she thinks her moment’s finally come. while her parents are leading the mass evacuation, rochwen and some of her crew ride out for glory. they are brave and nobleish and overconfident and young. they all die

(if she’d lived past the bragollach, would rochwen have made a stand against the kinslayings? certainly some of her cousins did, some sooner, some later. but many of them joined in, fully supporting their fathers. celebrimbor notwithstanding, the third generation of the house of fëanor was born into a world at war and raised to be soldiers. killing is natural to them in a way it never could be for those born in valinor, and the difficult-at-the-best-of-times relationship between east and west beleriand means that to most of them the elves of doriath are as foreign as the followers of morgoth. it’s possible that rochwen’s sindarin connections would have activated her rarely-used conscience and led to her defending her mother’s people. it’s equally possible she would have followed her father into the void)

but all that’s kind of immaterial. rochwen was born in middle-earth and died during the bragollach, and thus took part in precisely zero kinslayings. since she also never actively *~sided with the enemy against her true people~* or whatever the teleri’s beef with amras’ oldest son is, she’s one of the first members of the house of fëanor to be cleared for safe release from the halls. initially she stays with her mother’s people, because the fëanorian cause led to complete disaster and even she’s affected by that. still, as she gets used to being alive again, she grows curious

on a starlit valinorean night, rochwen (who’s probably using her mother-name by this point, hell if i know what it is) rides into tirion. it takes her a little while to get her bearings, but soon enough she finds a small scupltor’s studio a little off the main streets. the architecture is very aggressively years-of-the-trees, almost untouched by the passage of time. rochwen walks up, and knocks on the door

she’s the first of nerdanel’s descendants to abruptly show up on her doorstep and make themself at home (possibly, haven’t decided yet.) she is far from the last

[miss-choco-chips]

The dangers of sugar coating

Dick tries to give his little brother nice things (and fucks up), Tim is paranoid (and too tired to think clearly), and Damian thinks they might actually be a good team (while they plot Santa Claus’ downfall).

(Beacuse @animemangasoul and I decided we’ve been too rough with Tim lately, so I tried to give him some batfamily fluff. Somewhere along the way I fucked up and ended with this. No edit, pure crack)

-----.------

-Before I tell you anything, you need to promise me you won’t get mad.

The Bruce of ten years ago, new to parenting and oblivious to its dangers, would have done his best to emulate any ‘How to be a good Dad- guide for new, utterly lost fathers’ book. Now, though, tired after raising Dick to semi-adulthood and still hurting over Jason’s… Jason, he knew better. Life had toughtened him up.

So he didn’t raise his eyes from his newspaper, and gave into the urge of sipping his coffee before humming under his breath. Not even the slightest show of acceptance over those terms.

If Dick was asking that, instead of hiding whatever this was or dealing with it himself, it meant the situation was either out of his control, bound to make its way to Bruce eventually, or both. 

Probably both.

-Come on, B, just promise you won’t get all passive aggressive bitch on me. I did it for the greater good...

Another hum.

However, Dick has spent the same amount of time learning under his guide than he had raising him, so the younger was bound to develop some of his own tactics.

-...and I did it because Tim obviously needed it, so…

Warning bells ringing in his mind, Bruce gave up and shoot Dick a look. He didn’t seem overly guilty, so whatever this was, it probably wasn’t irreversible. But he was also shifting his weight from one leg to the other nervously, so… there was a catch here.

-What did you do?

-You didn’t promise.

-I won’t take your allowance away, but I may yell. It depends on how convincingly you make your case -compromise, he had learned after many, many mistakes, was as good a plan as any. 

-Deal -then, quickly, like ripping off a bandaid:- I might have made Tim slightly more neurotic than he was. On accident.

The bells turned into firefighter’s sirens. 

-What did you do?

They have had the fifteen year old living in the mannor for a few weeks at most. They couldn't possibly have already broken him, right?

Right?

Dick winced, but sat down by Bruce’s left (the side closest to the dining room’s window), which meant this was the only issue, but a hard to explain one.

-You see… We were talking, bonding over childhood memories and stuff, and… you know how christmas is just around the corner, and I asked him about Santa. I mean, obviously he doesn’t believe in that now, but the thing is, he never did.

-He’s too smart for that -growled Bruce, impatiente to get to the point and figure out just how much damage control would he be doing.

-No, his parents were too shitty. They were never there on Christmas, so no gifts under the tree unless he put them there himself, and whenever that happened, it was because his parents sent them and he wrapped them himself. Also no surprises, because he was the one asking for specific stuff. And I got a little sad, because how can a kid never believe in Santa? Like, come on. It’s part of the concept of childhood innocence. So...

Bruce waited a few beats, but Dick didn’t follow up. See, this was the moment where his parenting books would suggest waiting until the kid was good and ready for sharing his thoughts. But, since this was his younger child at stake here, he couldn't allow himself the luxury of letting a single second go.

-And? -he prompted, as gently as he could, trying not to spook Dick into abandoning ship.

-And I sort of… convinced him that Santa was real. Like, a full out super powered meta whose purpose in life was to bring joy to all of us. I texted Barbara and she planted some old looking reports on the batcomputer about it, to give credibility to the lie. I even drew parallels with Batman being thought of as a myth outside of Gotham to support the ‘Santa is real, people just don’t believe in him’ thing. And, after some hours of convincing and with Babs’ help, he bought it. So now, if Tim approaches you about it, you better back me up, because otherwise you would be ruining the last vestige of innocence Tim might still keep. Downside, though, Tim is now holed up in his bedroom searching the deep web for any Santa related info he can get his nerdy little paws on.

Silence in the room. Dick blurted out a goodbye and jumped out of the window. Bruce didn’t get up to check if he had landed safely on the other side. He probably had. 

Tired, he looked down at his coffee. Black, just like he needed it now.

He should have stopped at zero children.

----.----

Cassie watched, with no small amount of unholy glee, as Tim thoroughly convinced both Kon and Bart of Santa’s existence. One a clone with little social understanding and the other from a very dark future, they were unsurprisingly easy to convince.

This was the kind of hilarious shit that made being in a superhero team worth it. All the life and death situations were balanced out by this kind of drama-like absurdity.

Even better was Tim’s completely fucked up perspective on the matter.

-So you’re saying Santa is not only real, but a deranged psychopath? Who’s probably both a pedofile and a mind controlling scumbag? -Kon tilted his head, both confused and esceptic.

Cassie did her utmost best to keep a straight face while nodding along, as if everything Tim had laid down in front of them made perfect sense. 

-I thought it was stupid, too. But Dick showed me evidence, old reports, both handwritten and digital, and I found footage of Santa sneaking into the Manor when he was still young, deeply buried in the Batcomputer mainframe.

-Couldn’t that video be, you know… made up? -Bart asked, frown unusual on him firmly in place.

-If it was anywhere else? Sure. But this is The Batcomputer we’re talking about. Why would Batman have that kind of thing there? It was too heavily protected to be placed there as decoy for anyone hacking, not like they could ever get over Oracle’s firewalls. Besides, what reason would Batman have to invent this? I’m fifteen, I don’t need the ‘Santa fantasy’. The only believable answer is that Santa is real and very dangerous, and some people have taken his name for capitalism’s sake and made a holiday out of that and some religious backing, to get more people roped up into it. The true mastermind is obviously hiding somewhere out there, and the Christmas propaganda is merely a means to get funding for his devious plots.

Both metas hummed thoughtfully, Superboy even crossing his arms as he examined the pile of photos and papers Tim had laid out in front of them. Bart was nodding, hand cupping his jaw. The looked dead serious.

Cassie wanted to excuse herself to use the toilet (lead lidden because this was Gotham, specifically Tim’s secret place, so of course it was super-proof) so she could laugh her ass off, but the temptation of seeing this trainwreck to its fiery end was too strong. 

It was taking up all of her amazonian training to keep her straight face, though. Diana would be so proud.

-I even searched the deep web for Santa related crimes, and looked up his name in disturbing forums. You wouldn't believe what some people, serial killers and rapists both, do using Christmas as a theme. I couldn't sort through it all, it was that sick.

Kon looked utterly disturbed- So what do we do now? Christmas is just around the corner!

Bart got up and started pacing back and forth- We need to hunt this dude down. Christmas is about goodness and family! We can’t let this, this… psychopath ruin it! Think about the children of the world!!

Oh god, this was getting even better.

-But how? The man sounds like a velocist of some kind, I mean, running and leaving gifts everywhere in the world in the span of a few hours? How are we even gonna catch him?

-Maybe if we dress up as Elves? -Cassie couldn't stop herself from suggesting, voice choked in her effort to be serious, but most likely interpreted by the boys as clogged up on rage- From what Tim wrote here -she raised a paper from the pile, hand shaking- it looks like they are his mind-controlled slaves. If he thinks we ran from his captivity, he might take us to the North Pole with him to brainwash us again… Oh, but I probably shouldn't dress up, so you know, I can be back up if he manages to catch you three…

-That’s a great idea! -Bart’s skinny arms wrapped themselves around her neck, and she took the chance to hide her face in his mane of hair, corners of her mouth twitching up.

-Should I also record it? -she asks, almost begging- In case people don’t believe us later, when we have to explain why we imprisoned Santa.

-Yes, I think that might be wise -Tim conceded, eyes scanning his papers again.

Thank the gods. That tape was going to be Cassie’s most precious treasure forever.

-I think he has a way of controlling people’s minds too. Like, parents and stuff. And then he makes them be the ones to give his children gifts in his name, as a way of gaining their trust. Sick fucker.

-So you think it’s a kinky thing for him?

-Kon, he literally categorizes kids as ‘good’ or ‘naughty’. 

-You are right, we need to stop this bastard.

Cassie loved her boys so, so much. She also owed Dick Grayson the biggest high five.

----.----

Red Hood was just lighting up a cigarette when he saw Red Robin making his way to his rooftop. Cursing, he dropped the entire thing and kicked it away. The brat knew Jason smoked, but Dick had been on his ass lately about being a good brother, and he still felt kinda bad about trying to kill the kid twice, so he was actually trying to set a good example. 

Besides, out of the two possible little brothers to take under his wing, he certainly drew the lucky ticket, because while Dickie had gotten stranded with the pompous brat, Jason had the all around good kid circling his radar more often than not. Like, Tim had broken him out of prison, a little after Jason had done his best to end his life; he couldn't get more forgiving and nice than that. It certainly beat making a murder League child let go of his katana on a nightly basis.

-I need your help.

He blinked. While they certainly had worked cases together in the past, they were always preluded by some kind of smalltalk,  little banter, at least a ‘hello’. Not this straight to the point bullshit.

He had the urge to take out his guns, to protect them both of any threat following Red Robin here. He refrained.

-What’s the matter, babybird? What’s wrong?

Tim looked almost frazzled. The cowl was hanging around his neck, just a domino preserving his identity, and his hair was a knotted mess. Disveleshed was too little a word for his state.

-We need to make a plan to catch Santa Claus before Christmas this year. His reign of terror must end. It’s still not too late.

Yeah, okay, he might need that cigarette after all, to hell with Dick’s bitching. Besides, how bad of a influence could that be, when this kid was obviously already on some kind of drugs? Like, Santa? Really?

-What… do you mean?

What followed was an hour long rant on the dangers of a super powered, evil version of the myth that Tim had somehow cooked up on his mind.

Was this real? The kid looked far too distraught for a joke.

-… Does Nightwing know about this? -whatever ‘this’ was- Bats?

Tim shook his hands frantically. Jason was legit getting worried.

-N was the one who told me about Santa -there, he knew this smelled like a Golden Boy trademark fuck up-, but he seems to be under his spell. Bruce as well. They tried to convince me he is some kind of good-hearted samaritan. Jason -he stated, breaking the no names during patrol rule, a show of just how deep into the rabbit hole he was- you wouldn't  believe what I found on the deepweb. Joker’s yearly special seems tame in comparison.

That, Jason could believe. But he was also fairly sure you could type about any word in the darkest side of the net, and find half a dozen kinky or deranged things that matched. Santa-temed crimes? More likely than anyone would believe. Real life Santa doing the deed? Not so much.

Tim had been too young when Dick lied to his face, most likely. And nowadays, the young vigilante was running on three hours of sleep on a good week. And it wasn’t even too far fetched to believe, on their line of business, specially when dealing with metas and supervillains day in and day out.

Still…

-Kid, I don’t know how to tell you this, but… Santa isn’t real -he told him, slowly, hands raised as if to touch his shoulders but not daring to actually make contact. Tim looked so manic he might actually nerve strike him.

The icy blue eyes were hidden under his mask, but Jason knew from the way he tensed that Tim was terrified.

-He got to you, too -he whispered, almost too softly for him to hear. Then, without giving Jason the chance to inquire further, he turned tail and disappeared into the night.

....

He really needed that cigarette.

----.----

When Drake told the family he was taking Damian under his wing for a case, everyone seemed so happy he couldn't just shoot the other man down. Besides, reluctant as he was to admit it, Red Robin was the superior detective in the entirety of the team, so there would be rewards for taking the blow to his pride and working with him.

He expected to be directed through some easy case, maybe a little puzzling but not too challenging. Or be sidelined while Drake worked through things, so he could learn by example.

This, though, this he hadn’t foresaw.

This case was way more serious.

-How come Father has allowed this depravancy to continue?! -exclaimed Damian, hands gripping the sheets of information tightly- This ‘Santa’s’ influence has been permitted to cement on too many people already! And it keeps growing!

-I know. Fuck, I know. But I can’t get anyone to help me. My team knows, but sadly we aren’t enough. Bruce and Dick don’t believe me, and neither does any other hero I contacted on the matter. It’s just like when B was missing in time; they either think I’m crazy, or try to sugarcoat things, like they would with a baby.

Damian snorted, disbelieving. Whatever his opinion might be on his predecessor, he at least knew to trust his insight in a case. Grandfather himself had recognized his genius on that field.

They were on Drake’s perch, his center of operations outside of Batman’s influence. He would never admit it out loud, but if Damian ever needed his own batcave, it would be just like this one. 

Now, the long table in front of him was completely covered in information, case reports, photos taken from live footage, deepweb forums’ conversations, history books…

-And you say this… monster, targets children?

-I mean, he brainwashes the parents too, but that seems like a plot to both increase his economic funds and to gain the children’s trust.

-How are you so sure they are his objective?

-The parents tell their children Santa is ‘always observing them’, and ask if they ‘have been good’ that year. If they aren’t perceived as obedient, Santa leaves them coal, which incentives them to do their best to change that by next year’s christmas. 

-Maybe the coal and gifts have mind control devices, or some magic?

-My thoughts exactly.

Damian frowns even deeper. He’s glad Drake is taking his detective training seriously, but if father himself is being deceived, he wonders what can the two of them (plus Drake’s team) do.

-What about Todd? Red Hood is proclaimed as Saint Protector of Children in Crime Alley, after all. He certainly has opinions about this ‘Santa’ person. 

Timothy shakes his head- He got Jason too. I suspect he’s been under his control ever since he was a child at the manor. 

-So, we are alone in this.

-Essentially, yes. Thankfully, not everyone celebrates christmas. Some religions flat out forbid it, so we won’t have as much ground to cover when we lay out a trap. We could choose a close by location and plan around it. 

He nods, back straight with purpose. He -and Drake, he supposes- would be freeing Father and Grayson, along with the rest of the victims, from this madman’s control. Maybe even Todd, if he has the time.

-I’m with you on this endeavor, Drake.

-Good. Remember we need to act natural in front of the family. If Santa catches wind of what we’re doing, he might focus his efforts in getting to us. 

Damian wants to say to let him come, he would show him why it's a bad idea to mess with his family. But Drake is, admittedly, the superior detective, and it seems he’s been working on this for a long time now. Damian will defer to his judgement this one time.

Drake’s superior knowledge and Damian’s unrivaled training might be what’s needed to orchestrate this ‘Santa’s’ downfall.

They will be a good team, he thinks.

[fenheart87]

Trading Circle of Hell

@semi-slaughtomatic happy belated birthday doll! I will be cross posting to AO3 later as well but I wanted to get this out there now that its done!

-start-

"Welcome welcome! Females to the left and males to the right! Look for anyone with a purple butterfly mask to make your purchase or ask for more information on our unique invenitory! Rumor has it our esteemed kings shall be here today, make your selection quick for I fear even I wouldn't dare say no to them...."

Viperion scanned the room in disgust, cages with humans, demons, various kinds of fae and more supernaturals were lined and spaced very strategically. Only one or two people could view a 'selection' at a time and there were plenty to choose from.

"This is not what I was expecting." Chat Noir spoke up, teeth bared in rage at what he was seeing. They had been tipped off there was an underground market, an illegal one even by demon standards, and here was the proof right in front of their eyes.

"Easy Plagg, we have time to browse and choose carefully from the... Inventory."

"Yeah yeah Sass, kumbyyah and all. I want one with spirit."

"I want one with some brains, the traps keep killing people." Sass responded, sharing a smirk with his companion and drawing his hood closer to his face. The last thing they needed was for someone to recognize them as they were investigating this horrid black market before they could shut it down. The problem with the recon mission was that they needed to be stealthy and being the Snake and Black Cat made them the best choice, even if they had more favorable morals and senses of justice within them unlike many other demons. It was the secret that made them good rulers and their following loyal to them and them alone.

"Welcome gentleman! Forgive me I have spent too much time topside lately, is there anything specific you happen to be looking for? Someone for manual labor or more physical labor in the place of rest?" The Showrunner as he chose to title himself wisely decided to not touch either of them like he had for many of the other buyers.

"I need someone with a firey spirit and tough enough to withstand the Hell Fires."

"Oh, you must live under our illustrious leader Chat Noir then, pray tell would a dragon suffice good sir?" Beady eyes were shining in glee as Plagg exchanged a glance with Sass.

"Depends on the age and gender, perhaps you can direct me where I could find such one?"

"Of course, in the front row at the very end of the left side. A Longg follower that is quite the spirited miss. And for you fellow good sir?"

"I need someone smart and cunning, quick as a mouse if you will,"

"Ah I wish we could've acquried a Mullo follower but alas not this round... I do however have a special quiet thing that could fit the bill if you're interested?"

"Perhaps, show me your inventory and I may still need to browse, I have other stations that could be filled if I do not find someone to my liking." Sass followed the leader and hid his disgust with all of his being, he wanted nothing more than to poison the man with a quick strike. The cages had various states of captured folk in various stages of distress or anger, the collars adorning their necks were equipped to restrain their unique talents and powers, preventing any type of escape from their cages. Guards and hired demons of lower levels were mingling around the crowd should someone get lucky enough to successfully escape from behind the bars.

"Here we have a pretty little thing but awfully quiet. she does have a voice but her glare usually speaks for her, I have had some issues with one so she is at a discounted price, only 150 thousand."

Sass raised a brow at the price, many of the others were easily going for ten times as much for a starting bid. Either she was too much to handle for the ring leader or she was damaged in some way. Finally looking at the cage, his breath caught. He would know those blue eyes anywhere and was glad that his self control was damn good. Her resemblance to her parents was uncanny, even if they had not been seen by a single eye in over 200 years.

"She's a looker but anyone who dares to get too close suffers, unless that's your type of ah, fun shall we say?"

"I'll take her, she'll make an excellent addition to the baker's guild. If she turns out she can't bake well, I'm sure she could plead to Tikki for help before she became the next meal."

"Very well, as with everyone else I'll collect the payment before the next round and after inventory has been checked and secured, you can take it home with you. If anything else catches your eye, please let me know." With that, the Showman left to prey on other prospective buyers and Sass glanced around, noticing only a few other demons looking at the few cages with interest. It was safe enough he supposed.

"Tell me little one, do you like sweets or cheese?" Pulling carefully on his power, he let flow enough to touch his eyes, making them turn mint green and seeing her eyes flash a pale pink, drawing a gasp from that luscious mouth. "So you are a true Mullo follower then."

"Snake." She murmured and smiled sweetly, eyes flashing once more.

"Black cat is here too, the Longg follower is coming with us and this place is done for." Sass whispered, directing his gaze towards the other side where he could see Plagg was prowling and looking at everything with a calculating gaze, casing the entire space.

"Kagami?" She whispered so softly he nearly missed it, drawing his attention and she flushed pink as she shrunk down.

"Well then, even better. Plagg, if you're ready I am. Nothing else has caught my interest."

"Good, let's find the Showman and collect." The green of his iris was gleaming, a yellow tint coloring them acid and the barely concealed rage shining. Their aura made everyone scurry away from their path as they followed the twists and turns through the cages.

"Ah, is there a problem, good sirs?" The Showman was on guard, eyes narrowed and watching carefully for any signs of aggression.

"Ah, he's a devout follower of Lord Viper himself, very covetous this one is. Terribly sorry but it would be in everyone's best interest if we were to collect and leave the place in one piece." Plagg smiled, fangs fully on display which kicked up the tension a few notches.

"Ah we can certainly make an exception but the prices do change for those in a hurry to get to the breaking in part. Do you have your own collars for your purchases?"

"Now now, it's not nice to insult paying customers, good sir." A black gloved hand produced two simple collars, the scent of ash faintly stirring the air.

"Ah, this way then." With a couple of gestures, two lizard demons who posed at security moved through the crowds and collected the cages, going down a different hallway then the trio did. The lanterns glowed eerily with the Hell Fire flames, Plagg and Sass having to bite back their power to prevent a surge in the flames and revealing themselves to the scum they were forced to follow.

"Alright, very simple to do. I'll deactivate the collars and you can place yours, once secure then I'll remove the standard ones. Precautions you know…"

Sharing a glance they split and stood in front of their chosen. The slimey demon brought over two charged stem crystals and with a small fizz of power the collars were deactivated. Sass noted the little mouse seemed upset but not scared as expected, carefully he stepped closer and leaned down slightly to secure the 'collar', a small whisp of smoke puffed to signal the lock was in place. Taking the other charged stem, the Showman waved it nearby and the slave collars fell off into his hands.

"Thank you for your time and interest gentleman, enjoy your investments!" Waving them to follow one of the guards and the other bringing up the rear, the four made their way out of the illegal catacombs market. Continuing on for a few tense miles until they were sure the guards had indeed returned, they stopped.

"Alright, introductions! I would happen to be Chat Noir, ruler of all the darkness and destruction. For stealth purposes please refer to me as Plagg."

"Viperion, Lord of Time and Incubi. Code name Sass."

"Kagami, a devout Longg follower. I work under the name Ryuoko." The dragon dusted herself off nonchalantly, eyes piercing in their intent to gage how much of a threat the two lords were.

"Multimouse, a converted Mullo follower."  Viperion ignored the sly grin and everything that it said from his fellow demon lord.

"So what's the plan?" Ryuoko asked, smirking.

"Well, do what we do best…" Blue eyes turned a shimmering green and emerald green took on an acid yellow green shine.

"Destroy those who break the Seven Hells contract." Each collar shifted into a choker, a reaction to the sudden leak of power from demon lords, this would boost both female demon's powers as well as protect them. The time of reckoning was at hand.

[lucarioisinthevoid]

Have Simon and Mike ever been on a date?

Well, my sources say that they did indeed have a First Date at some point, made Cinnamon French Toast a while later, and even went out on Halloween calling it a Pick of the Patch! (Okay, but seriously, click these links, support these people, they’re fantastic and you’re sick of my shit, they made their own damn work and they did it AMAZINGLY. Seriously. CLICK THE LINKS. ENJOY THE WORKS. CHECK OUT MORE OF THEIR WORKS. And leave them some love by commenting/kudos, it is always such an amazing gift for a creator! It would be really kind of you guys!) But well, seeing as they now have some more time for this kind of thing…

They had been driving through the desert-esque area for a few hours now, or at least it felt like it. Time was hard to tell right now, but in the good way, in the comforting way. Mike was driving the van at the moment- they tended to switch up, aside from night driving, which Mike always did, as Simon struggled with seeing at night too well due his calibration. Maybe they’d find a way to fix it, but frankly, Mike didn’t care that his boyfriend was a little bit night-blind. The reason he was driving right now though, was because he wanted to reach a certain spot. Simon was reading a book Mike had given him out loud, providing both the pleasure of hearing his comforting voice, as well as him finally getting through it- Mike had been badgering him for weeks to do so. The ending is what made it worth it! Smiling to himself at that memory, Simon flipped a page to a new chapter- taking a short break to look outside. “… Mike, where are we going?” “Motherfucking guess.” The man seemed in a good mood, smiling deviously. “… is that the Grand Canyon?” “Yup!” Excited Mike looked forward, keeping his eyes on the road. “I always wanted to see this stupid place. I bet the sight from above is AMAZING. And the sunset! The sunset will be incredible! Can you imagine being that close to the stars-“ For a moment Simon thought there was some reason visiting the Grand Canyon was a bad idea- That thought however was swept SWIFTLY to the side as he realized something. “Mike…” “Hm?” “… is this a date?” Softly Simon asked. Instantly the generally aggressive guy grew a bright shade of red- like during the date they had been on before. And the one before that. AND the one before that one. It would probably never stop. “I- well- I mean- if you-“ He took a breath. “YES. Yes it fucking IS. Is there a PROBLEM?” Laughing the Phone Guy stretched himself, looking out with newfound interest. “… thank you.” “You- yeah- I mean- again, I always wanted to see it. And just climbing around the Grand Canyon while no one is around? That would be pretty fucking cool, right?!” “You mean while no one- uh- can hear you scream?” “EXACTLY. See, you get it.” Pleased Mike looked shortly at him, then at the road again. Watching him, feeling at peace, Simon leaned back, letting the late summer sun shine onto him. The thing with Mike was that he really loved abandoned places. Deep, dark forests, mountains off the beaten path, a hut in an area that otherwise had only cornfields… when Mike wanted to be romantic, he brought him there. And dear god, he was the only person on this planet who was allowed to ask for something like this without being demanded to step away at least twenty feet and stay put while the police is being informed. No… he was looking forward to this. They had been climbing around, not for long, for a good amount of time though. It was nice- the feeling of the rock under their fingers, the noise of wind and the sun reflecting on the ground far, far below them- reflecting in a river that seemed tiny from up there. Dangerous? Maybe. Maybe it was VERY dangerous, actually. But they were tough- they had been through so much, both of them were completely convinced that if either of them would fall, they would survive it. Somehow. The sight from up here was beautiful, it had been worth it. And finally, the taller of the two seemed to have spotted something. “There! We can sit on there!” “Oh- fuck yeah, that looks pretty sweet!” Getting out a soft outside blanket, they sat down on the little ledge and took out some food, making themselves as comfortable as possible to witness the sunset that was approaching. Both of them were leaning against each other- safe from wind and weather, on the still warm stone radiating heat through the blanket. “… it is beautiful.” Mike mumbled, hiding his face a little in the shoulder and neck of his partner. Being sincere was embarrassing, but- He wanted to be sincere right now. And when nobody was nearby for miles and miles… then it was okay, right? Gently Simon cupped his face, kissing him- to the best of his abilities- with his smooth dial. “That it is, Mike.” Intertwining their fingers, they looked both out at plane that was colored in gold, orange and black by the late and sleepy sun. Silence was between them, the restful kind of silence… Until finally the first few stars started shining above them. Laying down on his lap, Simon was staring up at the sky, trying to see if he could count them, now that there were only so few of them. Mike played with his phone cord, staring up too. “You know… when I was young, I always wanted to be an astronaut.” Mike started. “… I didn’t like thinking about my future, but sometimes, when looking at the sky at night, it felt like there was a place for me. I imagined leaving everything behind and trying to- I don’t know. It was only about being somewhere else. Somewhere, where other things mattered.” Simon snickered, gently. “… it’s always either a dinosaur or a space phase, isn’t it?” “Hey! I had both! They’re just fucking cool, okay?” “Didn’t mean to tease you! Uh- actually, it’s better than my phase.” Curiously the sitting man glanced down. “… how so?” “Oh, I- I had a Greek mythology phase.” Nervous Simon laughed. “And… that in itself wouldn’t actually have been a problem, if I wouldn’t have learned all the things I knew about it from cartoons and comics. Like- the one cartoon where Odysseus was on the ship and had this owl and-“ “Never watched it. Always fucking hated cartoons.” The guy scoffed, before pausing. “Maybe… we should watch it together… someday.” “… I’d really like to.” Enjoying Mike’s touch for a moment, he almost forgot to continue what he wanted to say- wait, right. “Uh- anyhow, so I learned it all from child-friendly media and… when we had the Greek mythology in class, a few years after that, I felt like such an expert. I explained the entire cartoon to my class. The, uh- the teacher seemed- not upset, but it seemed to hurt his soul to have to tell me that the original story wasn’t exactly like that.” For a moment he paused, thinking about it. Then he continued. “… I played with Ian a lot in the garden- on the good days I mean. Yeah, on the good days when I could convince him to come out with me… and we played these myths and gave them our own twists, because we were of course a lot smarter than the greeks. Why didn’t they think of what WE thought of?” Quietly he chuckled. “… morals in stories were always lost on me.” “At least you got SOME parts of the mythology. The closest I ever got to understanding any mythology stuff was with what Rick Riordan spoonfed to me.” “… who?” “Ah fuck- an author. I gotta make you read his work sometimes.” Mike shook his head. “He’s great, I swear- but that’s not the point. I think. What was the point again?” “… was there supposed to be a point to this?” Both looked confused at each other, before Mike facepalmed, hiding a bit of a smile. “Aw fuck, look at us. Terminal dementia. Each day our brains get consumed more.” They laughed a little, the sky having now turned fully into a dark blue, covered in glitter and stripes, dominated by a large full moon. Finally, Simon sat up again, looking down. “… I want to get to the river.” “In the dark?” “In the dark.” Mike grinned. “Madlad.” Turning on the lights inside of his head, Simon lit the way, while Mike checked the route for the safest pathway around. This SEEMED to be at least some sort of semi-normal route- not too safe, certainly not around this time of day, but it wasn’t a straight up wall. Hell, they had useful gear with them too. It was somewhat safe! Kinda, a little, mostly! But it did take a while. No matter, they were moving together, chatting and teasing each other, so it felt like no time was passing at all- the only thing showing the progression of time was the moon above, slowly moving through the sky. When they arrived down at the water, it was wonderful. The gentle sound of it moving along the river’s edge, the wind playing with the surface, coloring patterns into it with the rocks on the ground. Not that this was easy to see- all that was really visible was the silver and black playing with each other. The noise still was reassuring though, enough to make Mike creep up to the edge, ensuring he wouldn’t accidentally drop in, softly pulling Simon behind him, until they arrived at the closet spot they could, sitting down one more time. Playfully Mike splashed at Simon, who raised an arm to shield himself, rolling his eyes- though with a bemused smile. He dipped the tips of his fingers into the water, enjoying how cold and clear it felt. Then he looked up once more, the stars now feeling framed by the walls around them. “… you know- places like these… they feel so much more real.” “Hm?” Mike leaned back, curious. “What is that supposed to mean?” “Oh, uh- y’know. It feels like… this is a place beyond time. I know there’ll be a tomorrow, but while I’m here with you- it feels like- it feels different. As if just we exist and nothing else. I, uh- I kinda like it. I hope that isn’t weird. I- I don’t actually want everything else to disappear, but-” Embarrassed he laughed. “Sorry, I think I ruined the moment-“ “Simon. I love you.” Mike stood there, between shadows and moonlight, his expression was hard to see and even harder to read- but his voice showed it all, every little bit of it. “… I love you too, Mike.” Taking his hands into his own, Simon smiled at him. Feeling… … happy. All good things had to end though. Perking up, Simon frowned, leaning to the side to try and look behind Mike. “Uh- can you hear that?” In the far distance… … ‘yarrrr���rr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r!’ Mike DIDN’T turn. “… is it the sound of a pirate Foxy?” “Uh. Yes.” “… on a raft?” “… yeah…” “Coming right towards us?” “Well- uh- yes.” “With violent intentions?” “Most likely.” Slowly Mike sighed, slowly turning around. “… they always find us, don’t they.” The Fox jumped off the raft, his hook shining in the dim light, along with his teeth. “YAA-AA-AR! I AM THE FOXY OF THE CANYON LAKE! I HAVE SPEND DECADES DOWN HERE, GUARDING MY TREASURES! WHO ARE YEEE TO ENTER MY- MY- MY PLACE THING. MY TERRITORY!!” “Buddy, pal, friend, for fuck’s sake, we’re just having a walk. We’re not even on the river. We’re not on your territory.” Foxy’s golden eye shined. “Arrr… is that you? My arch nemesis? FREDDY’S MICHELANGELO?!” Baffled Mike stared at him, before rubbing his face. “That- that is not my name- ah you know what, fuck it.” As Mike rolled up his sleeves and got out a taser, Simon fell back. “You got this honey!” “… yeah, yeah, fuck you too.” He signed at the fox. “Get the fuck over here, filthy pretend-pirate.” “WHAT DID YOU CALL ME, YOU FILTHY! F-FILTHY! URGH- LAND-DWELLER!? I’LL MAKE YEE WALK THE PLANK FOR THAT!” With that the epic fight broke out.

[anthonybialy]

Down with Lockdown

Unlocking lockdowns has been most celebrated by those who inflicted pointless restrictions on liberty in the first place while acting like they preserved life itself. Authorities will never suspect someone who called the tip line. There are better ways to appreciate what we have than taking it away. Getting back to how life is supposed to be is joyous except for how inflicting pain didn't heal.

Appreciation can be misguided. The unsettling tone of many who are seeing other humans again implies they think rights they've always held have been returned. Pretending the freedom to congregate and work was granted by the state isn't as liberated as you'd think. North Koreans grateful their messiah made the Sun rise are ashamed of Americans who think governors grant subjects the privilege of dining inside.

Restrictions faded like the fan club membership of New York's mass-killing New Jonestown executive. Following the lead of Texas must really tick off every fan of coerced cooperation who thought communal separation would get us through this. Convincing themselves a year of state brutality was the cure made everyone sick. The war's over because the virus got tired.

An alarming percentage of people in an allegedly free nation spent time in solitary confinement being glad to be there. Getting permission is not how rights work. Viewing what's ours as something granted leads to dire consequences during the best of times. As present residents of the worst of times, being told an emergency justifies interdiction is both philosophically and practically deleterious. The total twisting of liberty is not a new problem. It's just presently far worse, like going from the flu to COVID.

Nothing embodies big government like lamely trying to halt a virus by being forced to hide. Ceding divine authority to heretical dunces has not created enlightenment or peace, although there have been many people sent to Heaven because of their blessed policies. Pompous dolts who win elections are experts on both policy and science, as otherwise government isn't the supreme authority. They must be authorities, because why else would they be in charge?

People would’ve protected themselves, which surprises those calling to wrap street signs in memory foam so pedestrians survive collisions. Government fetishists never grasp the capacity of humans to be decent, or at least do what'll keep their survival prospects decent. Life's infiltrators never trust markets, whether it's humans buying items they need or keeping themselves from getting infected.

Irrational people are at their worst when they've decided they're hassling you for your own good.  Six feet may as well have been 60 feet or 16 inches. And it's easier to announce masks are useless without wearing one.  Acting both aggressively and timidly was the semi-impressive feat of fearful people who thought tearing the heads off anyone they deemed in noncompliance created safety.  States that let those within their borders breathe freely got healthier much more quickly, but that's not nearly as scientific as shrieking at supermarket free breathers.

Failure is exacerbated by not admitting to it. Pride leads to sticking with what fails. Shutdown specialists have to tell themselves unilateral orders to idle is the only reason anyone's alive to read this or do anything else, as the notion that all this doing nothing made infection just the start of agony.  If the idea that they made humanity idled for that long without benefit is tough to bear, imagine how victims feel.

The toughest part to cope with is how the death rate was unaffected by a year without society. In fact, the corpse pile would've been far less teetering if Andrew Cuomo hadn't been allowed to show how much he loves New Yorkers by choosing which ones live and die. The elected savior only killed off a small minority by percentage if you doubted his benevolence.

It's tough for survivors to have to live with knowing they didn't stop death. Seeing there was no benefit is just another bit of evidence those who express a fetishistic love for science are ignoring. Announcing it's better to be safe than sorry ignores how much sorriness there is in pretending to be safe. The incalculable costs of a lost year for humanity didn't accelerate or improve outcomes, but COVID was defeated by autocratic Democrats otherwise.

Good ideas must be imposed by force, according to the quite confident. Affecting your breathing was a too-perfect symbol of everything else government screws up. Kind and good leaders developed the cunning counteroffensive of stopping movement then stabbing everyone to protect from a virus most sufferers had to be tested to learn they had.

Those who spent most of the confinement fantasizing about what they'd do once humans were permitted basic contact again should self-examine and see if they were the ones who prolonged the useless intermission. Worshipers of bumbling Blue State politicians are the ones who supported mandatory global seclusion for this long, which can't be fun for consciences. Opponents of sound epidemiology are the last ones who get to party without everyone swinging around a yardstick.

Celebrate the right to head out by remaining shielded from fresh air. A disturbing percentage of those banished to home confinement concluded they prefer being jailed. The mentally imprisoned would actually prefer their rights remain confiscated like a convict who can't stand the open skies.  The comfort of a cell only tops having mealtimes set.

Those still wearing masks while driving alone are ready to be scared of liberty. They prefer the false comfort of pretending a politician can ensure security against infection, especially today's particular politicians.  Taking away what's yours is the worst way to make you appreciate it. Thieves aren't entitled to teach the lesson.

[anneapocalypse]

Season 17 is a Fixer-Upper

A many-decker compliment sandwich.

Preface

Hi folks. Welcome back.

It's time to put this thing to bed.

If you have not read my season 15 and season 16 essays, you may want to read those first as I will be building on what I wrote there.

Season 15 of Red vs. Blue was written and directed by Joe Nicolosi as a standalone story arc picking up ten months after the end of season 13. Season 16, sub-titled "The Shisno Paradox" was directed by Joe Nicolosi and written by Joe Nicolosi and Jason Weight, as the first part of a multi-season story arc jumping off, but not directly connected to, the events of season 15.

Then, a mere two days before season 17 premiered, it was announced that Joe was no longer the creative lead on RvB, a decision that had been made months earlier but apparently kept under wraps. Season 17, sub-titled "Singularity," was written by Jason Weight, with two episodes written by Miles Luna and with Miles credited as "Head of Writing." It was co-directed by Josh Ornelas and Austin Clark.

This marks the first time in RvB history that the show has switched creative leads in the middle of a story arc. I can only speculate as to why this is. In the announcement, it was stated that Joe had been pulled to take the lead on an upcoming Rooster Teeth project (as yet, unannounced). This could be sole reason. It is also possible this decision was made for creative reasons pertaining to RvB specifically. Though fan reception to season 16 was… mixed, to say the least, that is something that happens pretty every time the show changes creative leads and so I don't think fan reception alone would be enough to force a change. If there were creative reasons, I think they must have come from within the company itself. But I can't say for sure that there were, so that's all I have to say about that.

Henceforth I will be referring to these three seasons together as "The Time Travel Trilogy." This arc doesn't have an official name as yet, but Miles used that phrase at the RvB panel at RTX and I think this is as good a name as any. In this essay, I want to discuss season 17 primarily but also this arc as a whole. Singularity is, ironically, not a singularity; it is not a standalone season. It cannot be separated from season 16, or even from 15, and I am as interested in how it works as a conclusion and how the trilogy works as a whole, as I am in how Singularity works on its own. So we have a lot of ground to cover here, but if you've read my previous writing about this arc, you already know that.

These are my personal opinions, you're welcome to disagree, please be civil and back up your arguments if you're going to argue, et cetera. You know the drill.

So let's get into it.

Does the Plot Matter?

Eh, yes and no? Bear with me here. I’m getting this part out of the way first because to me it matters the least, but I think it still bears mentioning. I said last season that while I'm interested in plot, because I am absolutely one of those fans who likes plot and cares about the plot making sense, Red vs. Blue has always been a character-driven show, and the show as a whole really does stand or fall on its character arcs. So while I do want to talk about the plot, this is not going to be an essay full of worldbuilding nitpicks. I'm frontloading this so we can move on to what really matters to me, the characters.

Where the plot matters is insofar as it drives the characters to action and meaningful development, and for that we do need a story that is at least… semi-coherent? We need at least enough context for character actions to be meaningful. It's possible to accomplish this with a plot that is silly, even a little nonsensical in places, and the Blood Gulch Chronicles pretty much exemplify this.

And yes, Blood Gulch does have a plot. It's meandering and it's silly, but it is a plot, because the characters have wants and needs and things happen that create conflicts out of those wants and needs, driving characters to act, and to succeed or fail. It's easy to say that nothing happens in season 1, the joke being that it's just people standing around talking. It's funny. It's also not strictly true. Church's primary motivation in Blood Gulch is his desire to keep Tex safe; Tex neither wants nor needs to be kept safe, and her involvement in the Red versus Blue conflict creates the main tension for the season. The season-long tension is resolved when Tex is "killed" by a grenade, but also freed from her aggressive AI, O'Malley. When Tex returns as a "ghost" on a mission to hunt down and kill O'Malley, the season 1 tension is escalated to the main tension of the Blood Gulch arc as a whole. Side plots are introduced to give other characters development as well, like Tucker's Great Journey, but make no mistake, everything in Blood Gulch does tie back into the main tension in some way, that tension being Church and Tex's relationship and their conflicting motivations.

And we would not care so much about those people standing around talking if we didn't have some kind of plot to drive them to action, and to give us context in which to interpret those actions.

That is why plot matters in a character-driven story. That is its function.

Season 17 is the back half of the story arc 16 began. Although I'm referring to 15-17 as a trilogy for simplicity's sake, season 15 really is its own story. You could compare it to Recollections in the sense that season 6, while a part of the Recollections Trilogy, is also a self-contained story arc, though season 6's story does tie into the arc of 7-8 much more directly, so the comparison is imperfect. The characterization in season 15 is relevant, but Temple's plot is unrelated to the plot of 16 and 17 except insofar as it provides two critical jumping-off points: the time machine through which Chrovos is able to influence Donut, and Wash's injury which will serve as a motivating factor later on. The Shisno Paradox and Singularity constitute their own story arc, which for brevity I'm going to call the Shisno arc.

Does season 17 have enough plot coherence to drive meaningful character development? I think that it does, and I think we'll see that when we get into talking about characters.

Of course, the devil is, as they say, in the details.

Cosmology Lessons

So let me, uh… try to summarize what happens in this arc. I'm going to try and lay out the events, not as they unfold to us, the viewers, but as they actually happen, for reasons that should become clear.

The Shisno arc presents a cosmic conflict between a group of AI self-styled as "the Cosmic Powers" and their creator and nemesis, the AI Chrovos, whom they have confined behind a firewall styled as a "cage." Unbeknownst to them, one of the Cosmic Powers, Genkins, is in fact Chrovos—or more accurately, Genkins later becomes Chrovos after a black hole carries him back to the beginning of the universe and he exists in space for billions of years (a fact Genkins himself does not yet know). At some point, he creates the rest of the Cosmic Powers, and at some later point, they decide he's dangerous and imprison him behind a firewall. Somehow, from behind that firewall, he's still able to remotely make contact with and influence humans. And give them physical time machines. And make them immune to harm by any of the other AI.

Yeah, you see how this is starting to kind of fall apart here?

And we haven't even gotten to the Reds and Blues' involvement yet.

Anyway, the Reds and Blues are caught up in this conflict when Donut falls under the influence of Chrovos (somehow, involving Loco's time-powered drilling machine) and distributes time travel devices to his friends with the vague directive to "change the past" in order to fix the future. To provoke them to action, Genkins has traveled back in time to prevent the invention of pizza. When Kalirama, another Cosmic Power, shows up to stop them, the Reds and Blues escape into the past in groups of two, where they make a number of changes. After being stranded in the past by Doc in his O'Malley personality, Grif is approached by Huggins, a sentient light being who serves the Cosmic Powers, and she convinces him that Chrovos is the real enemy, and he needs to find his friends and take action.

Eventually the group reunite and meet the Cosmic Powers, who warn them against any further time travel and urge them to help stop Chrovos by strengthening his prison. (Which apparently they can't do themselves for some reason.) But when a personal conflict comes to a head, the Reds and Blues decide they must defy the Cosmic Powers and time travel one last time to prevent Wash's injury at Temple's base.

This action creates a paradox.

It turns out that a temporal paradox does not simply destroy the fabric of spacetime, but rather create cracks in Chrovos's "cage." Which is a firewall, because Chrovos is an AI, but it can also… protect humans? and also it's… made of time? Such that damaging the timeline damages the cage?

Yeah, here the plot starts to crumble again. But let's try to keep going.

So the Reds and Blues' future consciousnesses (is that a word?) have been sent back to relive their pasts, because… just because. Once they become aware of this, however, they will be able to travel freely along the period of the timeline between Blood Gulch and Wash's injury. Genkins, meanwhile, is also freely time-traveling and strategically possessing AI along the way (mostly but not limited to Church) to make changes and cause further paradoxes, with the goal of setting Chrovos (aka his future self, but I don't think he knows that yet) free. The period of time immediately after Wash's injury now exists as two alternate realities happening concurrently in the same timeline (a la Schrödinger's cat).

By making Wash conscious of the paradox, Donut is able to collapse the waveform, so to speak, and snap the timeline to the reality where Wash wasn't injured. Wash then proceeds to help him wake up the others in the past; Huggins rejoins them and scouts ahead in time to find the paradoxes Genkins has created so that our heroes can find them and fix them.

Genkins, realizing what's happening, returns to Chrovos to demand more of her power (whatever that means in practical terms) in order to stop the Reds and Blues on the grounds that once they're dealt with, Chrovos will be able to reabsorb their power (again, whatever that means), only it turns out he's tricked her and he intends to take that power for himself, a brilliant move except for the fact that Genkins is Chrovos, but again, Genkins doesn't seem to know that yet.

When our heroes return to the original paradox to redo Wash's injury, Genkins intervenes, freezes time, stops the bullet, sends them all back to Blood Gulch where they can no longer freely traverse time, the Reds and Blues impale him with that golf club we saw in season 16 which it turns out is also some kind of AI-subduing weapon, and they're all transported to The Labyrinth that protects Chrovos from escaping, and the Labyrinth is the same as the firewall, or maybe it's different, it's not really clear, but either way it torments them with their own desires and fears and oh my god this is all so squirrelly I'm getting exhausted just trying to summarize it, anyway they defeat the Labyrinth through the power of friendship, Donut figures out the truth about Genkins, Genkins leaps into a black hole that takes him back to the beginning of the universe and after existing for billions of years and developing a God complex, he will be imprisoned by the "children" he at some point created.

Meanwhile the Reds and Blues repair the last paradox and return to Chorus together to visit Wash in the hospital, the fucking END.

So, okay.

What you might have noticed along the way here (and the reason I bothered trying to summarize all of that) is that there are a lot of mechanics of the universe in general and the Cosmic Powers in specific that don't make a lot of sense and are never really explained.

It's never really clear in season 16 why the Cosmic Powers can physically summon objects and affect physical environments, and while we're told that their power has limits, it still kind of far surpasses what an AI should logically be able to do, at least without some kind physical technology at their disposal. There are fan theories about this, and they involve a lot of Halo lore, and you can certainly make something like that work for a Watsonian reading. I have some theories of my own. As it stands, a lot is left pretty thoroughly unexplained in the canon. We're left to just kind of accept that the Cosmic Powers can do stuff, a lot of stuff, but not unlimited stuff. Things like the Cosmic Powers' physical appearances can be explained by holographic projections, but not everything they do can be explained that way.

Things get more squirrelly in season 17, and I think the time-cage-firewall-thing is really the least sensical of all of it. Are they breaking the universe or just the cage? We don't know. Is the cage made of time and how would that even work? We don't know. What will actually happen if Chrovos gets free? We don't know. Why does creating a paradox send the Reds and Blues back to relive their lives and why can they now time travel freely without a time machine? We don't know! They just can, okay? Those are the rules now.

In fact, this is the main purpose of season 17's first episode: setting up the rules of the plot.

Or… more like resetting them.

Because most of that stuff was not established in season 16.

I'm My Own Grandpa: The Villain in Plain Sight

Here's something positive: Genkins as a villain works on every level for me. Yes, even though the plot doesn't make sense.

In season 16, the signs were pretty much there all along that Genkins was out of step with the rest of the Cosmic Powers, and yet he also gave off the vibe that he was just shit-talking because he didn't care, so I never committed any serious suspicion to him, which made his villainy enough of a surprise to be exciting, while foreshadowed enough to be satisfying. It's a great example of hiding your villain in plain sight and I think it's one of the things in season 16 that really works. In fact, I consistently like Joe's original characters, most of whom function better in the stories he tells than the core cast—the latter being part of the problem.

Genkins continues to work in season 17! I don't know if Genkins becoming Chrovos was planned from the start, but it works, and it's one of the things I like best about 17's plot. It's an elegant solution to Chrovos' origins and identity that doesn't take a huge amount of time or exposition to establish.

It also allows the Cosmic Powers a brief cameo in this season. Personally, I wasn't missing them, as I never got attached to any of them as characters and I think with only twelve episodes, focusing on the core cast was absolutely the right decision. But I know some fans did enjoy them, so it's good to have at least a moment of resolution on their end.

Course Correcting

The sheer quantity of exposition dump in episode 1 is the first clue that season 17 is going to be a "fix-it" season. I'll admit, I initially kind of hated episode 1, to the point that it clinched my decision not to watch the season as it aired. It is largely characters explaining the plot, and most of that explanation still doesn't make a lot of sense.

But what's noteworthy to me is that this episode is already overtly responding to season 16 criticism. When Genkins says,

What should we do with the Shisno? And incidentally, who named them Shisno anyway? It's a derogatory term for 'human' right?

That could be something I said. Actually I'm pretty sure it is something I said.

And there are a few other things just in Episode 1 that seem like direct responses to fan reception of season 16. "A hammer than makes prisons! Ridiculous!" Genkins declares, kicking last season's McGuffin off into space. Even female!Chrovos seems like a response to fan disappointment with Kalirama's minor role in the story.

This is just the beginning. Throughout season 17, we will see a focus on reframing, repairing, and resolving things from the previous season—most notably characterization and character relationships.

Look, the plot is a mess. It is dumb as rocks. But it is doing its best to drive motivated character development while staying functionally continuous with season 16, and as a lode-bearing feature, that is what the plot of this season needs to do.

Also, the ending pretty much explicitly says that what they had to do to save the day was to in-universe retcon all of season 16, which is from an in-universe perspective pretty squirrelly and from an out-of-universe perspective really funny.

But the biggest reason I'm cool with the plot nonsense this season is that for the first time in this arc, no one is holding the idiot ball. There is no point at which conflict feels forced, or at which I feel like anyone is acting uncharacteristically stupid, petty, or mean in the interest of furthering the plot. Characteristically so, sure! It's Red vs. Blue. But never unbelievably. Never to a degree that it feels contrived. It does make use of the "time-traveling character thinks out loud in front of other characters who don't know what's going on despite the fact that it might really fuck things up to do so," which gives me terrible secondhand embarrassment, but y'know. It's a dialogue-based show. I get why it's in there. And it doesn't end up mattering at all, so.

This season's plot is dumb but functional. And most importantly, the characters are driving the plot, not the other way around.

So, speaking of which, who's flying the plane?

The Protagonist Problem, Revisited

There’s been a lot of discussion these past three seasons about protagonists. I’ve discussed it myself in both of my previous full season essays. I think this comes up so much now because season 15 lacked a clear lead among the core cast, leading fans to ask: who could have been the protagonist? Who should be? Who would we like to see in the future?

The Time Travel Trilogy is unique among Red vs. Blue arcs in that it does not have one overarching protagonist. Blood Gulch has Church, Recollections has Wash, Freelancer has Carolina, and Chorus has Tucker. The Time Travel Trilogy has Dylan, then sort of Grif, then Donut. Not only are these protagonists and their arcs disconnected from one another, they aren’t all complete arcs. Dylan’s and Donut’s are; Grif’s is not. We’ll get to that.

A lot of fans have wanted to see Red Team get more attention. I think the Red Team characters are just as deserving of character development as any other characters, if that’s the question.

But I think maybe from a storytelling standpoint, which characters deserve to be protagonists is the wrong question.

Sarge and Caboose are great characters, and they would both make awful protagonists for almost any serious storyline. This isn’t a failing of the characters. It doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy of attention or screen time, even of character growth or backstory. But neither of them have the kind of motivation that lends itself well to driving a serious plot. They both have excellent supporting motivation, which can either impede or assist the rest of our heroes in their progress depending on the mood. But they aren’t the right characters to be driving serious plot. I don't want to say they could never, under any circumstances, be protagonists, because then that just sounds like a challenge—but in both cases you would need a very specific kind of story to make it work, and it would need to be tailored to the character and probably not take itself too seriously.

And there was a time when I would've said the same for Donut. But that's changed, and I think it's changed for the better. We'll get to that! I have a lot of positive things to say about Donut's character development.

First I want to talk about Red Team in general.

Red Team Problems

The expression "Blue Team Problems" exists on this show for a reason. Blue Team have traditionally been the purveyors of Plot in this show, thanks to their more direct connections to Project Freelancer. Blue Team had Church and by extension Tex (twice). Wash was adopted onto Blue Team, and later Carolina (and yes, all respect to Red Team Carolina headcanons but canonically she is a Blue). Tucker took up the protagonist mantle on Chorus, and that was far from Tucker's first time driving plot; as Grif once put it, "I'm not the one who grabs swords and fucks aliens."

Red Team's avenue into the plot has traditionally been simply by way of their proximity to Blue Team. For the first ten seasons, the plot revolves around Project Freelancer, and none of the Reds have any personal connection to Project Freelancer beyond being sim troopers. It's no surprise that for those first ten seasons our protagonists were characters with very direct connections to Freelancer: Church, Wash, and Carolina. Tucker only had his turn once the story moved away from Freelancer.

So it definitely makes sense to see this as a permanent move away from Freelancer-adjacent characters driving the plot, and toward letting the sim trooper characters have a go. And the truth is, we're kind of running out of Blues here. The only surviving Blues who haven't already been protagonists are Caboose and Kaikaina. Caboose is a great supporting character; his motivations as they stand now are a bit too one-note to be protagonist material. Kaikaina's not out of the question, but she's also been around the least out of the core cast, and her VA's availability has not historically been guaranteed, so at present I think she too works best as a supporting character.

Thus it makes perfect sense that we might start taking a closer look at Red Team.

If Tucker was the obvious choice for a sim trooper protagonist on Blue Team because of his prior capability and character development, Grif is pretty much that to a T on Red Team. Prior to the Time Travel Trilogy, Grif's had easily the most character growth of anyone on Red Team.

Simmons has plenty to work with in terms of motivation, with his array of anxieties and personal hang-ups, but he's kind of noticeably lacking in meaningful growth (something fans have very much noticed). He still has Dad issues, he's still afraid to talk to girls, he's still kind of a kiss-ass. If anything about Simmons has noticeably changed beyond the general increase in capability across all the Blood Gulch characters, it's his relationship to Grif, wherein we began to see signs as early as season 6 that they really do care about each other. But when it comes to Simmons himself, his growth has been pretty thin thus far.

Donut, as of season 13, had seen… about the same amount of meaningful growth as Simmons, which is to say almost none, except that Donut had even less screentime and never got a promotion to Captain. (We'll get to Donut in a bit. We'll talk about our boy plenty, don't you worry.)

Even Sarge has seen some growth over the years. His most dramatic character moment has been the revelation that his military career was a lie, but the most noticeable growth over time has to be his willingness to work with the Blues and his increased affection for his own men. He even learns to care about people outside his own team; remember that it's Sarge who remarks with distaste on the "thousands of deaths" they would allow to happen should they accept the mercs' offer of safe passage off Chorus. Sarge is still Sarge: he's still gruff, he still longs for a good fight even knowing the Red versus Blue conflict is fake, he still occasionally jokes about killing Grif. But he does show a bit of increased self-awareness and the wisdom to know a real fight when he sees one. For all that, though, I still think Sarge is similar to Caboose in that his motivations are fairly one-note, and he works best as a supporting character.

Grif is characterized early on as the lazy one on Red Team—the one who is the least motivated and takes things the least seriously. But over many seasons we see things that challenge the surface-level reading of Grif: the fact that he's promoted to Sergeant as soon as he's transferred away from Blood Gulch (and Sarge), his surprising willingness to go on a mission to the desert with Caboose, his own declaration that he's not actually lazy but simply doesn't want to take orders from people he doesn't respect. In fact, in hindsight, it's easy to see Grif as the savviest person on Red Team with regard to their situation. Most of Red Team is characterized by taking themselves and their situation extremely seriously even when no one else does. But it's Grif who remarks, right from day one, that this, "fighting a bunch of blue guys," is not what he signed up for. Grif realizes intuitively, before anyone else on Red Team, that their mission does not matter. When something matters—such as Caboose potentially wandering off and getting himself killed—suddenly Grif cares, even if he'd be loathe to admit it.

This tension between Grif's actual motivations and his distaste for meaningless conflict and authority reaches an interesting turning point on Chorus, when Grif is forced into a leadership position with actual stakes. Where Tucker's internal conflict is his fear of failure, Grif's fear is of becoming the kind of leader he himself cannot respect. This culminates in Grif's unexpected agreement with Tucker's rescue plan. Unexpected by Simmons, at any rate. If you remembered season 7 Grif, you might not have been surprised by this at all.

Simmons: That's your plan? We just show up and wing it? That's the worst plan I've ever—

Grif: All right. Let's do it.

Simmons: What? Grif? You wanna do this?

Grif: Yeah. So what?

Simmons: So what? You never wanna do anything. Ever!

Grif: Simmons, I've been following orders I never liked for years.

Simmons: No, you haven't. You disobey orders all the time!

Grif: Well, I don't wanna be the guy who gives shitty orders that nobody wants to follow! I will not become a Sarge, damn it! There's no way I'm making a bunch of stupid rebels get shot for something I want. So yeah, whatever. Let's just do it.

So with already the most complex motivations and the most prior development of anyone on Red Team, Grif was kind of the obvious choice for our next protagonist.

The Big Short: Grif’s Incomplete Character Arc

And so, given the obvious similarities between Grif and Tucker in terms of character growth, and with Tucker's protagonist arc completed with Chorus, naturally season 15 gave the protagonist spot to…

Dylan Andrews, a brand new character.

Oh. Hm.

Well, Grif spends most of season 15 absent, and to the best of my understanding this had to do with Geoff Ramsey's availability during the season (he took a sabbatical in 2017). Joe found a way not only to work around Grif's absence but to integrate it into the story in a way that I think works conceptually pretty well and effectively draws on his established motivations.

We are supposed to be done! I don't want to go on another adventure! I don't want to listen to Sarge! I don't want to get shot at! I don't want to shoot at other people! I want to chill! I want to sit and chill.

Grif is exhausted with adventure, and frustrated by the fact that nobody seems to care what he wants in all this mess. He says some insensitive things for sure, like "Fuck Church!" and "Why can't he just stay dead?" to his friends who are still clearly grieving. They say some insensitive things right back, calling him lazy and selfish. And when they leave on their mission, Grif stays behind, only returning to the story when Locus arrives with the message that his friends are in trouble.

In season 16, Grif's motivation resets right back to not wanting adventure, with one critical change: he is now nominally the protagonist. I say "nominally" because while I definitely believe Grif was supposed to be the lead for season 16, the season's central conflict really doesn't have anything to do with Grif personally beyond… pizza. (Donut's involvement with Chrovos, by comparison, is far more personal.) It doesn't really advance Grif's character development beyond convincing him to take action (again), and it doesn't develop Grif's relationship to his friends at all. In fact Grif's new friendship with Huggins gets more screentime than his friendship with Simmons, the only relationship of his that really saw any growth the previous season.

I covered last year why Grif's arc in 15 doesn't feel complete in the season 16 essay, and I don't want to rehash all of that here. But suffice it to say, that interpersonal conflict never really feels resolved. To quote myself:

So Grif’s arc in season 15 only resolves in the sense that he reunites with his friends, returning to the status quo. His relationship to his friends, with the exception of Simmons, does not change, his need is only partially fulfilled, and his want is unfulfilled. So he begins season 16 with the same want… and his arc basically resets from the beginning, except that this time his separation from his friends is involuntary. Yet again, he finds his wants belittled and dismissed, only this time it’s by Doc instead of Sarge and the Blues.

For Grif to have a truly satisfying resolution to his arc, I think we really need to see his friends express in some way that they value him as much as we can tell he values them.

Unfortunately in 17, Grif's protagonist run is clearly over, and he doesn't get much screentime at all outside of the ensemble scenes. Huggins is alive and Grif gets to be happy about that, at least. He shoots down Tex's ship to fix the timeline, something that definitely wouldn't have enraged Church and broken the timeline even further. His relationship with Simmons develops not at all, and he gets two significant scenes in the Labyrinth at the end, one by himself and one with his sister.

So let's talk about that Labyrinth.

In Grif's personal Labyrinth scene, we see him at the mercy of a sadistic gym teacher forcing him to run an obstacle course. This seems to reflect an experience from Grif's early life, which, in his own words, "made me hate effort itself!" When he finds Kaikaina in the Labyrinth to rescue her from her own nightmare, he makes a startling confession: he was never drafted for the war, but voluntarily enlisted. (Grif being drafted has never explicitly been stated on the show, by the way; it was in a set of character profiles from the season 5 DVD extras, many of which have already been retconned, and it was a Word of God statement from Geoff. Nevertheless it was something a lot of fans had come to accept as canon.)

Fan reception to this scene seems to have been… mixed. Some, I think, have appreciated that the obstacle course scene dug into the possible roots of Grif's hatred for power-tripping authority figures and meaningless effort, and I can appreciate that too—I think that scene makes this point well. And taken together, I think the obstacle course and the enlistment confession do offer some real insight into Grif's character: he learned to hate meaningless effort and authority at a young age, and he enlisted, it's implied, to find structure and purpose that was meaningful—only to be shunted off to Project Freelancer's simulation program, where he found no such thing. This ties right back into what Grif says in season 1: "I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know… I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys." This lines up well with what we've seen of Grif over the years. And I think it does an even better job than season 15 of contextualizing when and why Grif hates effort.

It just doesn't have anything to do with Grif's relationship to his friends.

So why is that Grif doesn't get that kind of emotional resolution, the kind Donut gets—wherein he gets apologies and his feelings respected?

Well, I think the answer is that Joe just didn't see that as the conflict he was setting up, and I think that becomes very clear when you look back at how season 15 plays out. It's why no one but Grif ever apologizes. If the only problem to be solved is Grif not wanting to go on the adventure, then that problem is resolved when Grif goes on the adventure. If the problem is Grif, and no one else, then it's Grif who has to come around, Grif who has to apologize for forgetting what kind of story he's in, for selfishly and wrongly wanting something for himself.

So, Grif was wrong, Grif apologized, character arc over. And season 16 offers no follow-up, no emotional resolution, but simply rinses and repeats: Grif refuses the call to adventure, Grif becomes convinced of the need for action, Grif accepts the call and acts. Also, he gets a sword, proving he's as cool as Tucker.

Character arc complete! That's a wrap, bring it in folks.

For many Grif fans, though, it's a bit more complicated, as I laid out last season.

See, Joe thought Grif was cool, way cooler than stupid Tucker. But for all his determination to prove to us how cool Grif was by tearing Tucker down next to him… it seems like he didn't actually care very much about Grif's emotional core. That Grif is motivated when he wants to be, but that nothing will make him shut down and go full Bartleby on everyone's ass faster than feeling disrespected.

Instead Grif's inertia was just a problem that had to be solved by getting him motivated. How he was treated by those around him wasn't part of the equation and didn't matter. Joe didn't know how to make Grif a protagonist without tearing apart the core of who he was—and that ties back to Joe's difficulties with giving meaningful growth to established characters.

Joe misread Grif, and he misread the desire of Grif fans, and of Red Team fans generally, to see their faves in the lead. But I point back once again to that protagonist problem. Grif was, after Chorus, the right choice for the next protagonist among the core cast. A lot of fans saw that and they wanted a Red Team driven plot. But at the heart of that was a desire for Red Team character growth.

Season 16 technically was a Red Team driven plot, yes. But it missed the boat on character growth and missed it hard. Because Joe could see that Red Team was cool, but he missed the heart. He missed what makes Grif so compelling to fans in the first place.

So when Jason took over writing, I think he did set out to resolve Grif's arc—the arc that Joe believed he was setting up. If Grif's arc was about Grif hating effort, and then coming around to taking action, then his arc resolves with him facing down some truths in his own past about why he hates effort in the first place. I think when it comes to that tension, Jason's resolution to it was actually a bit more nuanced than Joe's setup, more clearly illustration what kind of effort and authority Grif hates and why.

It is a resolution.

But it's not a resolution to the tension that a lot of Grif fans felt was the more important one: the hate glue, Grif's relationship to his friends and how they, specifically, treat him. That's why to a lot of fans, Grif's arc doesn't feel resolved, where Donut's does.

I can both appreciate the effort that was made, and also feel that Grif's emotional arc is still incomplete.

I personally hope that Grif's not passed over for character development or even a protagonist role in future seasons, because I think Red Team fans kind of got monkey's pawed with his role in this trilogy. And if Donut is any indication, it's never too late to return to a neglected character and give them some much-needed resolution.

More like Do-nut!

Probably season 17's most smashing success is in proving that Donut can not only grow as a character, but carry a storyline.

Donut has been central to the Shisno arc since it began, but he had far less screentime in season 16, appearing more as a quest giver and briefly as a soft antagonist before ultimately choosing to side with his friends. Most critically, though, season 16 laid the groundwork to give Donut the necessary motivation and character growth to take the lead in this season. Whether that was originally intended or not, it works. In fact, I think I would have been quite disappointed if the setup for Donut's character development hadn't been paid off in this season, because if you read my season 16 essay you'll recall that I very much felt it wasn't paid off there.

Season 17 more than remedies this. In fact, functionally, when looking at this arc as a whole, I think it makes more sense to see Donut as the overarching protagonist. We could compare it to Wash in seasons 7 and 8. Wash isn't even seen until late season 7, and most of the season focuses on Red Team's antics, Tucker in the desert, and Epsilon's rebirth. Even Wash's return in Valhalla is shown from Simmons and Donut's point of view. But when we look back at Recollections as a whole, it's clearly a Wash-centric arc. Likewise, while Donut has less screen time in season 16, and the point of view is centered around the rest of the core cast and their adventures, it is ultimately Donut's actions that set the plot in motion, and it is Donut who has the first and most direct connection to the Cosmic Powers, via Chrovos.

So with the rest of our heroes now lost in time, the story re-centers around Donut's point of view. Plot-wise, I do think this was the right call. This plot centers more around Donut than any other character, Grif included, and having now made the choice to turn against Chrovos, Donut was the logical choice to carry us to the finish line. And that's not to cast aside other characters who may or may not have gotten the character development they needed, only to say, this is Donut's story and it was right that he got to finish it.

Donut works as a protagonist, and Donut also works here as Donut. A big part of the success of this season is not just putting Donut in the spotlight, but understanding who Donut is, looking for the unrealized potential in that, and letting Donut's own growth carry the story forward.

See, Donut's first primary character trait was being oblivious.

I know what you're thinking. "But Anne, isn't it the innuendo thing? Everybody knows that." Indeed. But go back and rewatch the Blood Gulch Chronicles, and you may notice that the accidental innuendo doesn't really develop for a season or two. One of the first things Donut does is fall for a classic military prank, walk into Blue Base thinking it’s the “store,” and buy the flag.

And the obliviousness never really goes away. It's still there in season 10 when Donut doesn't recognize Wash in his blue armor.  It's arguably even there implicitly in season 12 when Donut and Wash are being held captive and Donut doesn't appear to notice or care that he's standing next to the man who shot him.

The obliviousness also goes hand in hand with a kind of benign self-absorption. We see this in Blood Gulch when Donut exclaims to a wounded Tucker, "You can't die! I'm bored! All these girls wanna talk about is chick stuff! And not the fun chick stuff, like ribbons and unicorns. Boring stuff, like oppression and a hostile work environment." We see it in season 7, when Donut thinks the Meta is a friend of Simmons', and gets indignant about not being introduced, completely missing the fact that the Meta is attacking them. We see it in season 11 when Donut and Doc fly all the way to Chorus to respond to the gang's distress call, and then send their ride away.

But the critical point is that when Donut gets his pink armor, the joke is that Donut doesn’t initially realize his armor is pink. And it's only over time that this joke morphs into "Donut is effeminate," and then into "everything Donut says is sexual." In the logic of the show's humor, pink = feminine = gay = hypersexual. Yeah, not so great when I lay it out like that, is it? But that's how we got from headlight fluid and Donut buying the Blue flag to where we are now.

And I bring this up, not to critique the poorly-aged humor from which the show has at least somewhat moved on, but to point out that innuendo is not all there is to Donut and it never has been. If it feels like it is, it's because Donut has undergone some Flanderization over the years, and most critically, since his return in season 10 he's had no character growth to challenge that characterization and no major role in the plot for which a writer might need to do so.

See, Donut being self-absorbed and oblivious to everything going on around him made him a character who never had to be taken seriously. If the Reds make fun of Donut, ignore him, and so forth, but Donut never really seems to notice or care, then it’s fine. If the others are dismissive of Donut's needs but he's also pretty dismissive of theirs in kind, it's fine. If Wash shot Donut, and Donut seems to hold like, a humorous kind of grudge again "that jerk Washington," but either doesn't notice or doesn't care that Wash is still around, then it's fine. It's fine. This is fine. It's fine! He's fine. This is fine. It's fine.

Well, except a lot of fans have been saying for years that maybe it's not fine. But narratively and tonally, it's not been framed as a problem that needed solving.

But the moment you have Donut express that he doesn’t like the way his friends treat him and it makes him feel bad—well, now you have tension. Now you have a conflict that needs to be resolved.

This is actually the root of my problem with season 13 Doc, which I brought up in my season 16 essay. Everyone forgetting about Doc in season 13, and Doc being upset about that, raises a conflict that is never resolved. His friends never do change or address the way they treat him, it's mostly treated as a joke, and it doesn't come up again in the Chorus arc. In fact that conflict returns in season 15, when Doc sides with the Blues and Reds—and I'll give Joe credit for that, he saw an unresolved thread and he ran with it. But we'll come back to Doc.

So Donut needed attention like this. In fact the development Donut gets is one of the things that does feel truly continuous with season 16. And while I remain discontented with Grif's incomplete arc, I can see clearly here the challenged faced by a writer picking up where 16 left off, and given only twelve episodes in which to wrap up a lot of threads. I think a season could've been made that gave both characters the resolution they needed. But it probably couldn't have been made in twelve episodes. Jason probably had to make some tough calls.

And I just can't bring myself to be sorry we got the Donut development we did, because it's so good.

I know some fans might be disappointed that Trollnut (the theory that Donut’s innuendos haven't been accidental and he’s been deliberately trolling everyone the whole time) is now explicitly not canon, at least not in the past. As funny as that interpretation was, I think the way Jason took it plays far better with Donut’s classic characterization: he's just kind of oblivious. Not just of what's going on around him, but of how he comes across to other people.

And with that as the starting point, I think the freshly-gained self-awareness works as character growth and is an effective way to propel Donut to a more active role in the story and begin to challenge and grow his relationships with the others. If there's anything that maybe gets a little lost in this take on Donut, it's that benign self-absorption, but I think even that might be implicitly acknowledged in Donut making a conscious attempt to work on the way he talks—becoming aware of how he's perceived, realizing that he's been making people uncomfortable without realizing it. I think it's a thread that could have been developed a touch more—Donut is not, after all, an innocent character who's never wronged anyone before this arc—but again, this season had limited space to do all it needed to, and I'm certainly not unhappy with what we did get.

There is an earnestness to Donut that I do not think is inconsistent with previous characterization but which comes through much more strongly in 16 and especially 17, and provides a believable foundation for serious motivations. And that earnestness dovetails nicely with his increasing self-awareness. It doesn't follow that he'll never be funny again—the innuendo does return in places once he's convinced the others to take him seriously where it matters, and I don't think we need to worry that Donut won't be recognizably Donut from here on out. But this season taps into a depth of sincerity and even vulnerability for Donut that we haven't seen before.

As a sidenote, I was actually relieved to hear Donut finally swear again when trying to get his friends' attention, as that's something that's been bugging me since last season. If you take a look at Donut's dialogue in the past, he swears plenty; it was Doc who would use softer euphemisms. I can only assume that Donut stopped cursing when he found God; maybe Chrovos doesn't like strong language or something. Hopefully that will go back to normal now that his connection with Chrovos is over.

Donut in this arc is a doer. Even in season 16, as an agent of Chrovos, he's doing what he thinks is right, and in 17, it's his actions that save the others—and ultimately challenge the way everyone else sees him.

The stakes of the plot may be nonsensical. But the stakes that matter to us, the fans, are those of character growth and character relationships, and it is there that season 17 vitally succeeds. Perhaps the real success here is that Donut's arc unites action and emotional resolution in a way Grif's arc did not. His resolving things with his friends—getting them to listen to him, hearing their apologies, coming around to maybe forgiving them—directly ties into his role in the plot, because he needs them to take him seriously to wake them up. Donut's plot motivation and his personal motivation can't be separated from one another, and they both find resolution in the end with Chrovos' defeat.

Most notably, Wash and Donut see a resolution to their history that has been a long time in coming.

If this season set out to prove that Donut could be a protagonist, I think it was a great success. It's a great example of how to grow a comedic character into a serious plot role without robbing them of who they are and why audiences love them.

Well done, sir. Chef's kiss.

The Wash Revival

Speaking of Wash, man, isn't it great to see Wash, like… doing stuff?

I wrote last year about how frustrating it was to see Wash basically treated like a crash dummy for two seasons, and season 17 remedies this with flying colors. When Donut rescues him from Schrödinger's Hypoxia, Wash becomes not only conscious but an active agent in the story. On a plot level, he works with Donut to wake up the others where they are adrift in the Everwhen; on a personal level, he finds meaningful resolution both with Donut and with Carolina.

I think Jason did a really brilliant job of using humor to highlight the absurdity of Wash and Donut's situation—with Donut getting shot over and over as they both keep inadvertently jumping to the same moment in time. That they become literally stuck in a loop they must break out of symbolizes the need for resolution between them.

Wash, at long last, not only takes real responsibility for his past actions but becomes a friend to Donut. More than a friend—Wash is both ally and advocate for Donut, standing up for him when the rest of his friends are still inclined to dismiss him. For the first time in a long time, Donut has someone in his corner. And so when he travels back to Blood Gulch to confront the others, he's not alone.

Wash's own journey through time mirrors Donuts struggle. We see Wash relive a moment in his past when he felt truly alone, with no one in his corner—Recovery One. We see Wash in the Freelancer era struggling to be taken seriously, and finally asking himself in exasperation, "Is this how Donut feels all the time?" It's a moment that builds empathy for Wash, and I think it also serves as a small but poignant way nod to the story of season 15. The Freelancer relates to the sim trooper—sees him as he is, a real person with feelings. This has been a part of Wash's journey for a long time, really ever since his adoption into Blue Team, highlighted by his sticking up for them in season 10 and again in his relationship with Tucker in season 11. But it was an unfinished journey, until Wash found that resolution with Donut specifically. It's really wonderful to see that finally happen.

It's great to see Wash finally taking an active role in the story again. But it's just as important that that action is about supporting Donut first and foremost, with Wash's character development as secondary. I've said before that you don't need to put the Freelancers in the spotlight to give them character development, they just need to be active in a supporting role, and Wash's relationship to Donut in season 17 does that incredibly well.

It would be easy to just stop there—I think Wash is for the most part handled very well this season. But I do want to talk about where this is going in the future, because the ending of season 17 indicates that things are about to change for Wash—though it's hard to say exactly how much.

The Follow-Through

I was not fond of the contrived conflict between Wash and Carolina in season 16, to say the least, but the portrayal of Wash's condition itself I thought was pretty decent. He hadn't lost any of his core personality, and it was pretty clear when and how his memory lapses were affecting him—repeating himself, forgetting how he got where he was, confusion and irritability due to that confusion, etc. While I had issues with the framing of the situation to put Carolina at fault, the effects of the cerebral hypoxia itself were not done badly, and I wasn't sorry to see Wash's injury have some real consequences given how little narrative purpose it served in season 15.

What we see of Wash in " Schrödingin'" before Donut wakes him up and snaps him back to his uninjured timeline… very much does not reflect the condition we saw in season 16. It doesn't indicate memory loss or confusion so much as just… uh, weirdness? And because it was also part of the general weirding of the timeline, I'm kind of willing to let that slide and assume it was purely for comedy and not meant to be of much consequence because Donut was about to snap him out of it anyway. That said, I really hope it is not representative of what we can expect for Wash going forward, and I think I am justified in feeling a bit of trepidation about that.

I think it needs to be kept in mind that Wash is an important character to a lot of fans. He's already seen some big ups and downs in terms of characterization and not all of it has sat well with fans, from the Freelancer characterization that makes Wash appear not just naive but clumsy and inept, to the Fan Guide interview that more or less directly contradicts that naivety, to his extremely passive role in the past two seasons. One can bring up continuity in this context, but it's not simply about whether you can explain away these wild swings in characterization. I've said it before, I'll say it again: you can make up an explanation for just about anything if you're creative. Fans do it all the time. I do it myself. And it's also to be expected that longtime fans will be resistant to new canon that challenges their interpretations of characters they love.

But what fans really want, I think, is for the heart of the character to stay intact.

And as the character who introduced RvB's first serious storyline, Wash should not start behaving like, say, Caboose (whom I bring up because he is the other character who canonically has brain damage). We already have a Caboose. Wash is Wash. And he can be Wash even while dealing with a serious injury. I want to be very clear here that this isn't me saying Wash can't be funny, or that there shouldn't be humor around him managing his condition. I'll point back to what I said above about Donut getting repeatedly shot—it's a great example of how humor can be used to approach a serious problem.

I'm just saying: let Wash continue to be Wash. After all, that is the point of what he says to Carolina, right? He's not dying. He's not even going away. He'll still be Wash. He's just going to have some memory problems—and it's not exactly like Wash hasn't dealt with things like that before. Furthermore, I think realistically he's going to have a much easier time dealing with it when his friends know and can support him.

Wash has undergone one of the longest and most complex character arcs on this show, and one critical part of that arc only just saw resolution, so to then turn Wash into a character who is too goofy to be taken seriously or to have active agency in the story would be… a huge mistake. That doesn't have to happen. And it shouldn't.

I'll admit I'm apprehensive, but I think this can be done well.

You're My Best Friend

You may recall last year I was very pessimistic about Wash and Carolina getting resolution. And I don't think that fear was unwarranted, based on the precedent set by Joe's writing. But Jason more than surpassed my expectations.

We're going to be talking about Carolina here, so full disclosure for anyone to whom it wasn't already extremely obvious: Carolina's my favorite character. Not my favorite character in RvB, my favorite character in anything. I can't remove that bias but I can acknowledge it. Her arc has always resonated with me a lot and her relationship with Wash has always been important to me as well, both for the ways in which they mirror one another and the ways in which they are very different.

So when I say that, for example, it's tough to hear Wash be angry at Carolina, that doesn't mean it's a bad thing that he is. Given the circumstances, his anger is reasonable. It's easier on a rewatch, knowing the resolution is coming.

And actually one of my favorite lines this season comes when Wash is very much still angry at Carolina—when he says, "When you get injured and your best friend lies to you, makes you into a secret invalid, I'll hear you out, I promise. …Friends talk to each other. They trust each other. I thought we were closer than that." He's mad at Carolina because he cares so much about their relationship, because he thinks of her as the person he's closest to, and she kept something important from him and he doesn't understand why. And I think that's really the best reframing of this situation we could possibly get, without retconning it altogether.

Donut points out to Wash the lengths to which Carolina was willing to go to help him despite her mistakes. But I think what really gets through to Wash is his own time travel experiences, and the perspective he gains through seeing Carolina at different points in her life.

The Freelancer-era bit is… rocky, and we'll come back to why. For now suffice it to say that while Carolina ignoring Wash in an almost comically-dismissive manner does further the development of Wash's relationship with Donut, it doesn't particularly reflect Wash's relationship with Carolina at any point we ever saw in Freelancer. Put a pin in it.

The critical point is when Wash finds Carolina during her missing years.

This is, arguably, Carolina at her lowest point. Lower than the time after CT's death, lower than present-day season 10, which I've argued before should probably be seen as a step up from her years in hiding, in the broader context of her whole journey. Carolina is alone—working under a false identity, in a generic suit of armor (which I'm well aware was a choice made due to Halo 2 limitations but it's also brilliant, for reasons we'll get into later). When Wash finds her, she is alone at her post. From what her CO says, she is an oddity in her unit and probably doesn't have many friends if any. Even the weapon she's holding, a sniper rifle, speaks of solitude and distance.

Carolina has no one in her corner right now.

There's the parallel to Donut, and to Wash.

And though she responds with anger and suspicion—unsurprising, given the circumstances—Wash responds with compassion.

It's really significant here what Wash goes through just to find out where Carolina was. It means that in all the time they've been together since Freelancer, she never once told him and he never once asked. And that right there—the absence of that knowledge shared between them, tells us far more about these characters, about their relationship, about Wash and about Carolina individually, than any implied backfill that Wash just already knew would have done.

And notice that when Wash does ask Carolina, on Iris… she just tells him. Like she's perfectly okay with him knowing, and maybe would have been, even before that. But it just never came up. Wash probably never wanted to pry, Carolina doesn't volunteer painful things about herself, and neither of them are good with… emotional stuff.

Oddly enough, it's this, this small meaningful exchange on their vacation moon, that makes me almost kind of okay with their season 16 subplot, in the hindsight of their reconciliation. Because it serves to highlight what was still missing from Wash and Carolina's relationship. They've built teamwork, trust, and a genuine friendship in their time together since Carolina's return. They're both part of this odd little family called the Reds and Blues; both of them would absolutely go to the wall to protect this family and one another. That much has been clear since Chorus.

But they never really talked. Not about their shared history, their feelings. Not about the elephant in the room, Epsilon, the AI they both knew in sharply different ways. The difficult things. Their season 15 conversation touched their history, briefly, but didn't go much further than York.

So when something happened where they really, badly needed to talk, Carolina just… didn't. She stayed faithfully by Wash's side during his recovery—kept him company, helped him get his strength back, all the things that didn't require difficult conversations—and she hoped that would be enough. It wasn't.

I do still think it was unfair, from a meta standpoint, to create a conflict between them specifically to be all Carolina's fault, because we know from history that Wash isn't much better at talking about difficult things than Carolina is, and a conflict arising from a genuine misunderstanding between the two of them would have made this point a lot more effectively. But I can appreciate the point all the same.

And going forward, it seems like Wash and Carolina's friendship has ultimately been strengthened by this. Not just by Carolina's apology or their reconciliation, but by Wash gaining a deeper insight into everything she's been through. And this sympathy is especially meaningful coming from Wash, who's been through a lot himself, and generally garners a lot more sympathy from fans.

Your life, Carolina. You've survived things that would've broken me. Broken anyone. Do you even know how far you've come? Carolina, you are so cool. I am so proud of you. I'm always gonna be your friend.

For a subplot that started out as my absolute least favorite thing in season 16, this sure did wrap up as my favorite part of 17, and that says a lot. I can't overstate how grateful I am for it.

And speaking of things I'm grateful for.

The Lost Years: What This Season Adds

It will come as no surprise to my regular readers that I've always had sort of a fascination with what I call Carolina's Lost Years—where she went, what she was doing, what her emotional state was, who if anyone knew that she was alive, what made her decide to come back, etc. And until this season, it was kind of up to us as fans to fill in that huge blank space in her backstory.

That's seven solid years of headcanons you're facing down. There's an inherent risk in adding backfill this late in the game.

I want to be clear that new canon not lining up with fans' headcanons does not mean that the new canon is bad. Sure, it might be risky to tackle something that's been left open-ended for so long, but that doesn't in itself mean it should never be done, or that it's automatically wrong if it doesn't line up with fanon. Sometimes writers do fumble on these things (lookin' at you, Fan Guide Wash!); sometimes fans have gotten so entrenched in their own headcanons that they respond with not only disappointment but anger to new canon that challenges their interpretations. And we should be honest with ourselves that there isn't always a clear line separating the one from the other—just look at the controversies around Star Wars. (Please don't ask me what I think about Star Wars; thanks in advance.)

Similarly, the challenge for a longtime fan who has spent a lot of time thinking about these characters and their stories, interpreting them, writing about them, theorizing, and so forth, is to remain open to new canon that might challenge one's interpretations without necessarily being bad writing or a retcon. And I will be the first to admit, this can be really hard. For the split second I thought Sharkface might be Maine in the Prologue to season 13, I had several small heart attacks, and I was very relieved when he wasn't.

So when I saw signs that we were about to get a canon glimpse of Carolina's lost years, I definitely braced myself more than a little.

It didn't precisely line up with my headcanons, no.

And I liked it. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more it felt perfect.

Having Carolina re-enlist under a new identity was probably at least partly a practical decision, as it provides an in-universe reason for her to still be wearing armor, but in the Halo 2 engine, where the distinctive helmets of the later games don't yet exist. It would've made it easy to choose a setting, since any vaguely-military looking map will do, and can be populated with other generic soldiers. Really, given the medium, the obvious choice would've been either to have Carolina re-enlisted or to have her doing mercenary work, and I think you could easily make either one work. But I think her returning to military service works best, for many reasons.

To re-enlist, Carolina probably had to start from the bottom—no record, no rank. Before Freelancer she could have been an officer for all we know; now she's a rank and file soldier. No status, no elite special ops program, no leaderboard. Just a straightforward military assignment.

Imagine being Carolina, on the run from the disastrous program that was Project Freelancer—a program that was supposed to save humanity, so you gave it, and more importantly your father, the man in charge of it, every benefit of the doubt. Every nonstandard oddity, even things that might have seemed wrong or counterproductive or unfair or unethical, you gritted your teeth and swallowed, and you told yourself it was for the greater good.

After it all came crashing down around you, you created a new identity and re-enlisted. Somewhere quiet, where you could fly under the radar.

And suddenly, you remembered what real military was like.

I'm by no means saying that military culture generally or the UNSC in specific don't have Problems, but getting herself back into a regular outfit might have started to put in perspective just how off the wall Freelancer really was, and that's the kind of revelation that could lead Carolina to put more of the pieces together.

Plus, as a soldier she'd have access to, at the very least, more information channels than the average civilian—she even says she did it in part to have access to military intel, and with her Freelancer experience, she might well have able to get more information through backdoor channels. It makes sense that from that position she might not know everything, like what happened to York, but she might have bits and pieces of information like Wash being with the Recovery force. And at some point, she must have either learned or figured out what the Director was doing with Alpha, because Wash seems to presume she already knows, and she does not correct him.

(She doesn't still have her adaptive camo, though—sorry Jason, that one actually is a continuity error. The Meta took that; we see them use it throughout Reconstruction.)

You've survived things that would've broken me, Wash tells her. And I think that's what's so meaningful about all of this to me: the picture we get of Carolina, in the darkest period of her life, surviving. She's lost everything—her family, her friends, her career. But she keeps moving. Puts herself back in a position where she might be able to do something good for humanity, even if that wasn't her primary motivation at the time. She doesn't become a mercenary, or simply disappear. She stays a soldier, in the only way she can.

I also find something deeply poignant about the fact that Carolina kept her old Freelancer armor in storage. She could have sold it, destroyed it, thrown it out an airlock—but she kept it, hidden away somewhere.

Maybe because she knew, deep down, that one day she would be Agent Carolina again.

No Regular Girls: Why RvB Needs to Stop Punishing Carolina

I just wrote a whole bunch about why I think Carolina and Wash's resolution is great and how it even kind of redeemed that subplot for me in a way I didn't think was possible. I just wrote about how much I love the backfill for Carolina's lost years. And those are certainly not the last positive things I have to say about this season, so I hope that will temper what I'm about to say, because I'm about to get critical—and critical about a character who is very near and dear to my heart.

Season 17 is, on the whole, very sympathetic to Carolina, and I don't want what I'm about to say to diminish that. But this is what we do here at anneapocalypse dot wherever you're reading this—we get into the weeds and deconstruct the framing around characters.

So into the weeds we go. And to contextualize all of this, we need to go back a ways, so strap in.

Carolina's writing has always had it rough. She was introduced during what I would call, within RvB, the Golden Age of Animation and the Dark Age of Storytelling. The Freelancer seasons are jam-packed with action sequences and retcons, and confusingly lacking in exposition and consistent characterization. Part of the reason interpretations of Freelancer characters vary so widely is that big chunks of the story—including, incredibly, who the antagonists actually are—are just missing from these seasons, leaving fans to fill in the blanks in wildly varying ways.

Even Wash's writing suffers during this time period, giving him an extremely passive role in the plot and characterization completely subject to the whims of it. (Ever notice how season 10 Wash mysteriously develops a fear of heights that wasn't there in season 9?) But Carolina in many ways gets the worst of it, thanks to two factors that are in direct conflict with one another:

She's supposed to be the protagonist.

She's the Director's daughter, which isn't supposed to be revealed until the very end, so her point of view has to be extremely limited, leaving her motivations unclear to most viewers for the entire arc.

To make matters worse, because the narrative actively avoids Carolina's point of view for so much of the Freelancer arc, she ends up being repeatedly framed by the way other characters talk about her, rather than by her own motives or even simply her actions. I wrote a whole thing about this with regard to the Sarcophagus mission specifically, in which Carolina is framed as being in the wrong for the way she completes the mission—despite the fact that, in context, all of her actions pretty much square up. And unless you're a nerd like me, obsessed with cutting through the framing to get at the raw text—it's the framing that sticks. She really wants to win. Who cares who gets it first? I guess the leaderboard beckons.

All the words of other characters, which most of the audience will nonetheless take at face value.

But there's more to this than just Carolina. It began with Tex, and it becomes very pronounced in the Freelancer seasons: this pattern of creating strong, assertive, even aggressive female characters and then finding some way to justify why they're going to be punished for being strong.

You know that John Berger quote about vanity? @tuckerfuckingdidit reminded me of it in this context, and I was struck by its appropriateness:

You painted a naked woman because you enjoyed looking at her, put a mirror in her hand and you called the painting “Vanity,” thus morally condemning the woman whose nakedness you had depicted for your own pleasure.

You wrote a female character who was an asskicking badass because you thought it was hot. You put other characters around her and made them call her "mean," thus morally condemning the woman whose badassery you had depicted for your own pleasure.

So Tex has always been a rotten bitch. (Was she, though?) South was a backstabber who rarely worked in a direct fashion. (Didn't she, though?) CT betrayed her team for some Innie dick because she was bitter about her ranking. (Or did she?) And one by one, they die. Tex even gets to die twice.

Carolina only cared about winning, and now she's screaming on the training room floor. Carolina didn't listen to York, whom she should have just known was right whether he explained what he was doing or not. Carolina just had to fight Tex, Carolina wouldn't give up her AI, and now she's getting thrown off a cliff. She made her bed; now let her lie in it.

See, she was too strong, too competent, too driven, too dedicated to her work. She cared too much. Please pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, or the man sitting at number three on the leaderboard but it's fine because he definitely doesn't care as much and that's what matters. Carolina cared too much, she was too good, and that was wrong, always wrong, definitely wrong, and also she was a bitch.

Because Burnie said she was ambitious! And Burnie is an honorable man.

But hey, fans will sympathize with her now, right—now that we know the true nature of her relationship to the Director? Isn't she more likable now that she's been taken down a few pegs, now that she's sorry she didn't listen to York about all the things he never actually told her? Isn't it good how she feels bad for not throwing away her career to run away with him and have babies?

The thing is, for the fans who were already determined to hate her, none of that made her any more likable. And for the fans who liked her, even related to her arc, the framing of her as always wrong about everything was kind of a constant slap in the face.

Following season 10, Carolina disappeared, and it was unclear at the time if she would ever be returning, until the teaser at the end of season 11. She showed up halfway through season 12 to rescue the Reds and Blues and get stabbed in the leg, and from there she settled into a pretty passive role for the remainder of the season, mostly carting Epsilon around and standing there silent while he was mean to his friends.

At that point, I kinda figured, well, okay, this is how it's gonna be.

It wasn't as though Chorus hadn't also given us some great new developments with regard to female characters. We got Katie Jensen and Emily Grey, both female comedic characters, something the show had been pointedly lacking since Kaikaina was last seen in season 6. And we got Vanessa Kimball, a war-weary rebel leader who broke the mold in a variety of ways: she was a serious, grounded character, but not a hypercompetent hardass (even if some fans seem determined to portray her that way… ahem)—just a kind, principled woman doing her best in dire circumstances. As for Carolina, I figured, at least she's still here, so… yeah, I'll take what I can get.

Then season 13 happened.

And it turned out Miles Luna had been listening to the Carolina fans' disappointment with her role in season 12.

So he not only raised the stakes and beefed up the antagonists—he gave Carolina a subplot. A mini-arc with an old antagonist from the Freelancer days, who forces Carolina to confront not only her guilt about Project Freelancer, but also her sheer terror of losing her team all over again. As @epsilontucker so aptly put it once, "He tells Carolina the things she tells herself. I killed my team. I'll burn for what I did." Sharkface serves as a foil through which Carolina confronts her own past:

I'm sorry. You were on one side of the fight and we were on the other. We thought we were the good guys. I'm sorry.

Please note here that Carolina both takes responsibility for what she was a part of in Freelancer and expresses genuine remorse, while still acknowledging what was beyond her knowledge and control.

I'm not saying season 13 was flawless and beyond criticism. I actually think Carolina's mini-arc might have been even more meaningful if Sharkface had lived, and I think given his justified grievances he was much better set up for a redemption arc than Locus was. Carolina's subplot still serves to continue her isolation from the Reds and Blues, and when she calls them her "family" it's kind of a case of telling and not showing. Nevertheless, what is there works, and it gives Carolina's main arc a kind of resolution that season 10 did not. Miles cared about understanding Carolina and giving her real character development, and that shows.

Season 13 meant a lot to me. It still does.

Unfortunately, season 13 wasn't a turning point. It was an outlier.

Temple was a good idea. While the role of our Reds and Blues in Project Freelancer had been addressed in the past, even giving Sarge a huge existential crisis and some really neat character growth in season 8, the perspective of other sim troopers was a fresh addition to the story. The prototype concept is kind of a mess, and in my opinion makes the rest of the Blues and Reds really boring, but Temple himself and his grievance against the Freelancers, I think really works.

The fumble, in my opinion, was making Carolina the one involved in Biff's death.

Because we already had that story with Sharkface. (And while some have suggested it could be Wash, I don't think that'd be ideal either, because we already had one unresolved "Wash shot a sim trooper" situation going.)

And yes, there are differences between the two stories. But doing another "Carolina's past comes back to haunt her" storyline so soon after Sharkface was a mistake. That proximity to season 13, plus the over-the-top callousness with which Carolina is portrayed in the flashback, is actually a distraction from the larger question of how Project Freelancer treated sim troopers generally—and there are a variety of hints throughout the years that sim trooper deaths were horrifyingly common and accepted, from FILSS's "Oh, that would be wonderful! What a successful test," in season 8, to the Fan Guide anecdote about Agent Alabama at Rat's Nest. Like, this was a thing that happened. A lot. And some incidents were probably a lot less accidental than what happened at Desert Gulch.

But it comes back to that framing thing again. You make it Carolina, and what the audience takes from it is not a statement about the many war crimes of Leonard Church, but a statement about how Carolina, specifically, is mean. And in this case, she doesn't get any character growth from it. She doesn't even get to hear why Temple hates her.

She just gets tortured.

Joe does have that problem where he likes references… a little too much. To the point of cannibalizing past beats from the very show he's writing, without an understanding of what made them good in the first place.

Because the fans liked it when Carolina felt bad about something in season 13, so they'll like her feeling bad again! Don't worry, we'll make sure to keep reminding you, season after season, how sorry she is. Maybe we'll even invent some new past sins for her, and punish her with some literal torture, to make sure she feels extra bad. Has she done anything wrong recently, that she can feel bad about? Make sure she does something new wrong, so she can be sad about it.

Season 16 was a rough time, man.

And then 17 arrived, and began to set things right.

As I said in the two previous sections, the Carolina and Wash portions of season 17 do Carolina very, very right. The backfill for her lost years works incredibly well.

Then we come to the Labyrinth… where Carolina is literally beating herself up.

Oh no.

The House of Mirrors

So, the premise of the Labyrinth is that it works as kind of a house of mirrors, reflecting the worst of its victim's emotions—fears, desires, insecurities, basically whatever will do the most damage—back at them in increasingly distorted ways until it drives them to suicide.

The first thing you might notice about this is that we're kind of back to torture again—it's just psychological torture instead of physical. And the second thing is that this is pretty much the same type of plot device as the True Warrior test in season 13. I'm not a huge fan of this kind of thing in general, but there is one notable exception between the two:

The True Warrior test simply showed the characters something they were afraid of. It showed them something true about themselves, and for Carolina and Locus in particularly this serves as a vehicle for character development.

The Labyrinth, by contrast, takes something true and twists it.

And I do want to point out that even so, every other vision we see in the Labyrinth is framed as being based on something real, amplified though it may be. Kaikaina's guilt over the fire in her childhood home, based on her conversation with her brother, appears to be both a real event and a real feeling she had. Grif's Coach Prestwood seems to be based on a real person in his life, and the emotions he evokes are certainly meant to be real. Tucker's fear of failure rings true, as does Wash's fear of losing his friends. Even Sarge's conflicting desires for both victory and ongoing conflict seems to come from a real place. All of that is the context from which we must approach Carolina's experience in the Labyrinth.

I've noticed it's only with Carolina that active distortion is needed as an explanation for what she experiences. Apparently it's only Carolina who has a self-image so distorted that the past self she confronts in no way resembles who she actually was.

Because no, it doesn't.

Let's unpack the way this scene characterizes Freelancer-era Carolina.

“I feel so much rage when I look at you,” Carolina says to her past self. “You know that? You prioritize yourself over everything. You’re going to get people killed. Heck, you’re going to kill people. And they won’t always deserve it. Dad won’t love you more if you keep winning. He can’t. He died when Mom died. And you’ll bury him. Your competitive streak stops. I’m demanding it.”

“Oh,” says past Carolina, “you’re done? Okay. You got pretty talkative! No need for the lecture. I can read your whole shitty life from your whiny tone of voice.”

“Oh, you think you’re so—”

“Directionless? Scared? No. No, actually I—” Past Carolina laughs viciously. “I feel great. Weird to hear all that from you, though. Let me unpack this. You’ve now tasted defeat, I’m assuming, and you were—aw, sad? For a while?” Her tone grows taunting. “And you want people around as crutches in case you trip again. When have I ever—think about it!—ever allied with someone I didn’t need? A friend in a high place. A bolt hole. A wing man. To forget how to utilize people is to forget yourself. Forget me. And frankly, that’d be damning enough, but you went further. Carolina, you stripped away what comes without thought. What’s instinctual. Your passion. What greater betrayal is there? You’re not you anymore.”

Hoo boy. Okay. Let's try and unpack this.

It’s worth noting that it’s present Carolina who immediately goes on the offensive here, spitting venom at the image of her past self before that image has even spoken. And the things she says… “You’re going to get people killed. You’re going to kill people.”

So what is she talking about? Who did Carolina get killed by being competitive? Who did she kill?

If she’s talking about enemy targets that weren’t who she believed they were… I mean, yeah, they didn’t deserve it, but Carolina was acting as a soldier under orders and her being less competitive wouldn’t make those any less her orders.

Is she talking about the other Freelancers? Because… Carolina didn’t get them killed. North, South, York, Wyoming, Florida—none of them were killed by or because of Carolina’s competitiveness. The only one you could really ascribe to her actions is Maine, and there is a case to be made that Carolina gave up Sigma as much to prove she didn’t need an AI as to help Maine after his injury—but that act was based on such incomplete knowledge that to call it a direct result of Carolina’s competitiveness is a stretch. Furthermore, this argument always seems to ignore the fact that if Maine hadn’t gotten Sigma, someone else would have, and while we don’t know how Sigma might have behaved with a different host, it’s hard to imagine it ending well regardless.

Are we talking about Biff? Because… we’ve been over this, but Carolina didn’t kill Biff, and Biff also didn’t die because Carolina was competitive. Biff’s death was an accident; even Tex, who threw the flagpole Carolina deflected, wasn’t intentionally aiming at Biff, though it does seem like she (or someone else inside that helmet, more likely) must have realized she was throwing it with lethal force. Had Carolina been less determined to win that particular match, there’s no reason to assume Tex (or Omega) would’ve dialed back the aggression. And as we've covered already, sim trooper deaths were far from uncommon in Project Freelancer, and something not one of the agents, not even Good Guy Do the Right Thing York, are ever shown objecting to.

Let’s look at what "past" Carolina says about herself. 

“When have I ever—think about it!—ever allied with someone I didn’t need?”

CT.

CT.

You know, that person everyone forgets about when they’re trying to make a case for Carolina being purely self-serving.

I wrote about this one a long time, ago, but for a refresher: the first time we ever see Carolina question the Director’s orders is when he says that CT is an “acceptable loss.” Carolina embarks on that mission with full intent to disregard that order and try to bring CT in alive, despite that fact that doing so will be far more difficult and offers her no personal gain whatsoever and in fact results in her failing the mission. And while Carolina’s motives in the briefing with the Director may be subtle, her intent on the mission itself is not. The first thing she does upon catching up to Tex is to remind her that they only need the armor. And when she tries to pull Tex back from the killing blow, she explicitly, verbally, objects to Tex killing CT, and even knowing that they have failed the mission and that she will take the blame, Carolina still chastises Tex for what she’s done. This is not just subtext. This is text.

And this is not the only instance of Carolina caring about her teammates. Look at the haste with which she calls for medics when York is injured in training (York who is, by the way, only one spot below her on the board and arguably her closest competition before Tex). There's the offer on the Sarcophagus mission to come to Team B’s aid instead of going after their objective, the “No!” she screams out when Maine gets shot.

None of these are the behaviors of a person who is only out for herself at everyone else’s expense.

Freelancer Carolina is not a ruthless lone wolf who disregards her teammates except when they can benefit her.

This ain't it.

Even if we hadn't already beaten the horse to death with regard to Carolina's Past, this image of her past self is so hideously warped that it's not a meaningful confrontation of that past.

And even if we assume that Carolina is the outlier and accept the "it's bad on purpose" explanation—what does this mean? What truth about Carolina is this based on? Is it just her self-hatred? Because Carolina might have had this kind of warped self-image back in Freelancer—in fact she probably did—but now? We've already seen, multiple times, that she can separate what she was responsible for from what she had no control over. We saw it with Sharkface. We saw it all the way back in season 10, when even in the midst of her profound regret over what happened to Maine and York and the rest of her team, she was still able to see who was truly responsible: the Director.

Is it the fear that she's lost some essential part of herself? Because that hasn't come up even once in this trilogy.

You know what the Labyrinth could have addressed, something that would be relevant to Carolina's arc in this trilogy and to the plot as a whole, and dovetail nicely with the really excellent character growth she gets elsewhere in this season? The fear of opening up and talking through difficult emotions that led to her unintentionally hurting Wash and temporarily drove a rift between them. That's something that would relate deeply to Carolina's recent struggles, and with her friends coming to her aid and her allowing herself to be vulnerable in front of them, it could symbolize her overcoming those struggles.

Instead, we got to see Carolina once again being punished for Freelancer.

This ain't it.

The Freelancer Problem

And if it hadn't been for the Labyrinth—honestly, I probably wouldn't have squinted too hard at the Freelancer-era bits of time travel. The way Carolina repeatedly blows off Wash might have felt a little on the nose, sure, but you know, I could accept the point it was trying to make and the purpose it served for Wash and Donut, and that it was ultimately being played for comedy, and also playing much more off the tone of "The Triplets" from season 14 rather than the tone of seasons 9 and 10. I think that latter point is important, because that's part of what makes this bit feel just a little bit off, even when you can't put your finger on why.

But the Labyrinth happened, and it left a really bad taste in my mouth, such that it was difficult to even rewatch season 17 for a while despite how much of it I liked, and when I did finally rewatch it, well. It case those scenes in a bit of a new light. So squint I shall.

So, okay, back in Freelancer, maybe Carolina liked and trusted her team, but she wasn't close to them as friends, though. She didn't socialize with them outside of missions and training, and she didn't see any reason to speak to them outside of a mission context. That tracks, right?

Does it, though? Does it really?

I don't want to dwell too much on Carolina and York, because the canon itself has always been kind of confused about what the nature of their relationship actual was, which I have discussed at length, repeatedly. But it is at least implied that York and Carolina had some kind of social relationship, and that alone means Carolina wasn't opposed to that kind of relationship with her teammates on principle.

But maybe she was only friendly with York? But—no, Carolina engages in friendly banter during missions with other teammates as well. Her chatter with Niner is consistently friendly, something that carries even into the season 15 flashback. And in season 10 we even see Carolina teasing Wash himself.

Maybe Carolina preferred only to socialize with agents of a certain status. Their elite pilot, York, maybe a few other high-ranking agents. But no, back in season 15 we were told that Carolina used to go out drinking with York and his buddies who included lower-ranking agents, people who weren't even on the leaderboard and certainly lower-ranked than Wash.

But okay, maybe it's just Wash Carolina didn't like. Maybe that teasing isn't so friendly. Maybe Freelancer was just like high school, and Carolina was the Mean Girl snubbing the guy most recently moved up to her squad.

Back up the fun bus.

If anyone treated Wash like shit in Freelancer—particularly in season 10—it was York, and to a lesser extent North. York picks on Wash constantly throughout season 10, and initially Wash mostly seems to snark back, but by late in the season York's comments are making Wash visibly deflate.

York who is here calling Wash "buddy." And this scene is in the season 10 era. It has to be because Maine has the Brute shot. The series of jump-cuts that follow kind of imply that Wash jumps around to different points in Freelancer, but this point, where York, Wyoming, and Maine walk by and Wash stops York to talk to him, is unmistakably season 10.

Squint.

North also picks on Wash in this scene, and that much tracks, though it is interesting that he gangs up with South, not with York, making this probably the most unity the twins have during this time period.

But the other characters' appearances are brief and therefore of less consequence. It's Carolina who ramifies here because it is Carolina who is a part of this story, and whose Freelancer-era characterization is an issue elsewhere. And in that light, her dismissals of Wash feel more suspect. It sounds as though Jen's been directed to sound, not exhausted and frustrated as she actually would have been during season 10, but smug and snobbish. Like she thinks she's too good for Wash. Because, you know, high school.

I point back the fact that as recently as season 15, we had a photo of Carolina while in Freelancer, gone out drinking with lower-ranking agents, but in 17 I'm supposed to believe she wouldn't even talk to a member of her own team. I realize we're talking about different writers here, and I actually found that photo a little weird myself, for other reasons which I covered in the season 15 essay. In the context of the Time Travel Trilogy as a whole, though, all this just adds a certain incoherence to Carolina's characterization—like with Tucker in season 16, it feels like trying to have it all ways. Carolina was social with other Freelancers when it's convenient for the plot and exposition we need to set up, but when it makes for angst material, well, she was a total standoffish bitch actually. This is less the fault of either writer individually, and more a fault in the trilogy itself and its lack of focus, generally and specific to Carolina.

But I bring this up to point out that you don't even have to go all the way back to season 10 to see examples of Carolina's relationship to her team that do not square up with her being a snob who wouldn't even speak to a team member outside of a mission context.

Though if you're going to comment so heavily on seasons 9 and 10… giving her characterization in those seasons a closer look definitely would not be amiss.

Here's something else Carolina said in season 10, something I would expect Miles (who wrote episode 5) in particular to remember:

It's because I had a team once. A team with the best training, the best equipment—and despite everything that they had that made them the best, they still lied, and stole, and tore each other to pieces. So you tell me--how the hell am I supposed to trust a ragtag team of idiots, when I couldn't even trust the people who were closest to me?

The people who were closest to me. Those were the Freelancers. That was Carolina's team. That's canon, baby. No, Carolina definitely didn't make it easy to get close to her but she did trust her team at one point and she did care about them and this is a hill I will die on. That's why it hurt her so much when it all fell apart: Freelancer, the Director, broke her trust in other people. That's why it takes her so long to trust anyone again.

There's a lot of great Carolina in this season, but the Freelancer-related stuff misses the mark on a lot of levels.

What Did You Just Call Me?

So, let's talk about Real Names.

A lot of us have enjoyed the Four Seven Niner cameos in recent seasons, myself included because she's a great character and we miss her. I am however going to use her to point out the pattern in this arc of using Real Names where there is no in-universe reason to do so.

Way back in season 6, we learn that Wash's first name is David when the Director addresses him as such over a speaker during the break-in at Command. The Director adds, "May I call you David?" to which Wash replies tersely, "No, you cannot. You gave me my new name; the least you can do is use it." Fine. Good. This works both in-universe and in what it telegraphs to the audience. Of course the Director knows Wash's real name, but the critical thing is that he's trying to use it to presume familiarity, to disarm Wash and to assert power over him. Wash sees this for exactly what it is and responds in kind. The Director may know a lot about Wash, but that does not mean he gets to act like they're friends. Please note that this scene tells us nothing about how Wash feels about his real name generally. It tells us about his relationship with the Director and that is the point. This is good use of a real name and good storytelling.

Wash's real name is not used at all during the Freelancer seasons, nor during the Chorus Trilogy (with I think the exception of Locus's stalker diary, but that's bonus content, and it's information it makes sense for Locus to have). Fast-forward to season 14, "The Triplets," and we see Wash called David for the first time since season 6—this time by Agent Ohio, in a glimpse of Project Freelancer pre-season 9. This time, Wash responds with, "Just... don't call me "David", okay? This unit takes that kind of stuff pretty seriously." Here, again, through the use of the name we learn some things. Wash was at one point familiar enough with Ohio, Idaho, and Iowa for them to know his first name. It's possible the lower-ranking agents are less careful about these things, but it's also implied that Wash and the Triplets were friends before he moved up the ranks.

In the following episode, "The Mission," we learn the real names of the Triplets: Ohio is Vera, Idaho is Ezra, and Iowa is Mike. It's clear Shannon wanted to establish real names for them in the limited time we would have would them, but their use is still justified by its context: Idaho's feelings have been hurt, and he uses first names to shift to a more familiar tone with Ohio and talk things out. He also asks her if it's okay to call her Vera, and I like this because it noticeably mirrors the Director's question to Wash in season 6, while conveying something completely different about the characters. Where the Director sought to presume familiarity as a means of controlling Wash, Ezra offers familiarity as a way of reaching out to his friend.

Fast forward to season 15 and Wash and Carolina on the beach. We're going to set aside everything else that's weird about this conversation, and just focus on Carolina's "Do you really believe that, David?"

It is not impossible that Carolina knows Wash's first name. I mean, it's a little weird, because season 14 explicitly made the point that the higher-ranking Freelancers are much more diligent about sticking to codenames, and it's pretty clear in season 10 that Carolina didn't have access to the detailed information about the inner workings of the program. But since Wash's name was floating around the lower squads, maybe she heard it at some point. Maybe she was able to dig up records while on the run. Maybe Wash simply told her his real name offscreen at some point between season 10 and now. Like I said, it's not impossible. Moreover, she uses it in an appropriate context. This is an intimate, emotional conversation between two close friends, and Carolina signals that by using Wash's rarely-used real name. Fine. I accept that.

Also in season 15: Kaikaina Grif's real name is used onscreen for the first time in the show's history. This is not only appropriate but long overdue, and coming from Dylan Andrews, a reporter, it makes perfect sense. Great name drop. Feels good. Feels organic. Thank you. (That said, it is a little weird, come season 16, when Tucker waffles back and forth between calling her "K" and calling her "Sister"… almost as if perhaps a lead writer and a co-writer never got on the same page about that.)

Then, at the climax of season 16: Carolina says, "David's hurt. We have to go."

So, the appropriate response from pretty much everyone else onscreen was, "Who?"

There is no reason to assume the Reds and Blues know Wash's real name. He has been "Wash" the entire time they've known him. The one exception might be Simmons, who actually read the personnel files they found at the Offsite Storage Facility. But none of these people think of Wash as "David." Again, is it impossible? No, of course not, because you can always make up something happening offscreen to explain it. But based on what we've actually seen, it is not well set up that most of the Reds and Blues would even know the name, nor is there any reason for Carolina to think they would. Even Carolina herself has only used the name once, and in a very private context. So this just doesn't track. It's supposed to make us feel something, but the logic doesn't connect, and for me, it ends up being distracting more than anything else.

Part of the reason I think this feels so weird with regard to Wash, specifically, is that we just don't know the real names of many of the Freelancers, period. And that's kind of fine? Because in most cases we do not need to know. Yeah, it is sort of implied in Out of Mind that the Freelancers knew each other's real names, but so much of the early miniseries canon has been retconned away that I don't consider that particularly relevant now. We don't know York's real name. We don't know North's, or South's, or CT's. And we don't know Carolina's.

But we do know Wash's, and he's still alive, and the fans like it when we do name drops, so… okay.

Smash cut to season 17: Donut is looking for Wash after a time jump and calls out, "Wash! Agent Washington? Yoohoo! Uh... David?"

So, if there is one character who has no reason to know Wash's real name at this point in time, it's Donut. He wasn't at the Offsite Storage Facility in season 8. He and Wash don't have any kind of a relationship that might've led Wash to share that information offscreen, as Wash might have with Tucker or Caboose. And he wasn't there when Carolina used Wash's real name in season 16! He'd already left with the Hammer! Donut should not know Wash's real name, even if him using it in this context would tell us something significant about the characters and their relationship. And it doesn't, because at this point in the season they don't have a relationship.

And then there's "Ash."

When Wash travels back to his Recovery One self, he hears Command, aka Four Seven Niner over the radio, and exclaims "Ash, is that really you?" And thus, the Pilot Without a Name now has a name.

Now, Niner's little slip where she blurts out, "I thought maybe we'd lost you, too"? That is the kind of emotionally intelligent backfill I am here for. The Freelancer seasons gave us our beloved unnamed pilot with the same voice as Wash's Command, the unbeatable Lee Eddy, and whether they were always meant to be the same character or "I'd hate to have that guy's job" was just meant to be kind of a meta joke I was never sure. But they certainly became the same character, whether it was originally planned or not.

And that idea of the team's old pilot now stuck jockeying a radio, having to give Wash the order to kill South—I think that's always quietly haunted a lot of us, myself included. "Recovery One, please confirm, you are now Level 0." What was she feeling? Did she regret having to do it? Was she detached from it? Tapping into that question, that feeling, with just one little line—in an episode all about Wash facing a particularly shitty part of his past, that is the line that really gets me. That makes me feel something.

"Ash," on the other hand…

So, why would Wash call her by her first name?

I will definitely grant you that the absence of any kind of official designation for the Freelancers' pilot, such that the fans had to take to calling her by the name of her dropship was a hole in the canon. (It's not even a callsign, it's a vehicle designation—as in "This is Vehicle four-seven-niner, go for secure.") It would've been nice back in season 9 to get a real name of "Flight Officer So-and-So," or even some kind of codename for her as Project Freelancer seems to have been pretty big on codenames!

Which brings me to: If the Project was so strict about codenames for the upper ranks, why would Wash even know the first name of his elite squad's star pilot? And even if he did know it, why would he blurt it out on instinct like he's used to calling her that, when he never did in Freelancer—and when, judging by the Freelancer seasons, it doesn't even look like they were that close? And this is not like Carolina calling Wash "David," where they've spent time together post-Freelancer and grown closer. Wash hasn't seen or heard from Niner in years.

As always you can make up offscreen explanations for it if you want, but this doesn't tell us anything new about Wash's relationship with Niner so much as it just confuses the relationship they already had. I think the best way this works for me is if Ash is actually her last name, or a nickname of her last name. It's at least less weird that way.

And this isn't me pointing out plotholes just to nitpick. My problem with the name drops is that they've begun to feel fanservicey in the bad way: gratuitous, distracting, lacking in meaningful context. It's clear that hearing "David" or "Ash" is supposed to make us Feel Something, but each out-of-context overuse of Real Names dilutes that—until it makes us feel nothing at all.

You Need to Let Go

In the same way that RvB needs to stop beating the dead horse of Carolina's past, it needs to stop beating the dead horse of Freelancer generally.

Freelancer was the heart of Red vs. Blue for ten years, as the shadowy backstory to Blood Gulch that reared its head in Recollections and found resolution at the end of season 10. And while certain artifacts of Project Freelancer found their way into the Chorus storyline, Chorus was not about Freelancer. It was an effective step in moving on from the Project, moving the story and the characters in new directions. At points both Wash and Carolina grappled with their pasts, and from that they moved forward.

Season 15… landed us right back in Project Freelancer. And as I said before, I do like Temple and his story and I do think it was a fresh take, but it shouldn't have centered Carolina and that aspect of it did feel very derivative. Now, two seasons later, we've had a storyline that has nothing to do with Project Freelancer—but we're still reaching back there, revisiting it, revising it, adding to it, angsting over it. This is a problem for character reasons I've already covered, but I think it's also a symptom of the show as a whole feeling a little bit… stuck in a loop, shall we say.

I'm not going to say that Wash and Donut, for example, shouldn't have revisited their history, as that was resolution that was long overdue, and also relevant to the plot. And I'm not opposed to character moments that touch on the past in such a way, like, say, Wash and Carolina finally having a conversation about Epsilon. I'm certainly not saying that the ways in which characters were affected and grew from those experience should be forgotten—quite the opposite in fact.

But the revisiting Freelancer over and over, mining it for angst, especially when it's not plot-relevant—

It's dead, Jim.

It's over. We need to let go. These characters need to stop reliving their past, and the show needs to stop returning to plot threads and character beats that are already resolved.

It's time to move on, for the characters and for the story as a whole.

I hope season 17 can serve as kind of the final bookend on Freelancer, and let the show move on to new stories.

Reframing Tucker

Season 16 hit Tucker's characterization the hardest. Wash and Carolina's conflict may have been my personal least favorite, but Tucker's writing certainly takes the cake for the most actively mean-spirited, something I discussed at length in last year's essay.

I'll admit I wasn't feeling super optimistic about Tucker's writing for this season after watching the first episode, which seemed to be playing off the same kind of "Tucker is arrogant and stupid" hot take as last season, but as it came from the mouth of our villain, I can kinda take that with a grain of salt.

And beyond that, Tucker's role in season 17 is brief, but strong. I think brief is fine, as Tucker is not the protagonist of this arc, and season 16 did itself no favors spending so much time magnifying his flaws at the expense of screentime for its own protagonist. Tucker needed one thing from this season: resolution.

But it's a bit more complicated with Tucker, as it's not merely an in-universe resolution he needed. The nature of Tucker's maliciously over-the-top characterization in season 16, abandoning all of his Chorus-era character growth and inventing new flaws he didn't really have before just to take him down a peg, kinda needed a meta-resolution. It's not the kind of thing you can really fix, short of straight up retconning the previous season—which, hilariously, season 16 does kind of do via time travel! but the characters still remember it so it's not quite the same as it never happening.

Season 17 doesn't try to pretend that what happened between Tucker and Kaikaina didn't happen. In fact it's referenced directly in "Limbo" when Kaikaina wants to fuck with Tucker, and Doc remarks that they seem to have some unresolved issues. I like this a lot. It's funny, for one thing! And it's good Kaikaina. It's great to see her just being ridiculous in true Sister form—especially since Jensen and Dr. Grey aren't around anymore and we're a little short on comedic female characters again. (And for future seasons—it is 100% okay to let Carolina be funny, for the record. She's done it before!)

But Tucker's moment in this season comes later, once the Reds and Blues have set out to fix the timeline. After all, in a story about time traveling through one's past, what better way to remember Tucker's growth on Chorus than to send him back to Chorus?

So, setting aside the silliness of the plot, Tucker's self-reflection on Chorus also doesn't erase his season 16 actions—but it does kind of reframe them.

This was one of the worst moments of my life. But it reminded me of something. I became a leader on Chorus. And since we left it, I've been trying to act how I thought a leader should: cool, macho, totally self-confident. But somehow I forgot that I wasn't any of those things while I was actually leading. I was scared all the time, constantly second-guessing myself. But when shit got bad, I was the one to step up and make a decision. That's all it is. And right now, Donut's doing a better job of that than anyone. So yeah, I have faith.

Again, it's not that this undoes season 16's meanspirited dragging of Tucker, or makes me like it more. But there's a sincerity here, and a meaningful move to tie in Tucker's recent fumbles to his insecurity, which as I've discussed before, has kind of always been a thing. And on a meta level there's an acknowledgment in this monologue itself of what season 16 missed about Tucker. Not just the growth that was forgotten, but the team dynamic we've been missing—the faith in his friends, which Tucker now expresses toward Donut.

That means a lot. It's a truly good faith effort at making things right for Tucker, and I really like it.

Reintegrating Doc

I talked a bit about Doc last season, in regard to feeling like he'd fallen pretty out of step with the other characters in terms of his characterization and how seriously his feelings are meant to be taken, and how this goes all the way back to season 13. And though he too turns out to be an agent of Chrovos in season 16, it doesn't really end up mattering that much, and even his big fight with Donut ends up being of little consequence.

Doc plays a small role in this season, but I like the role he does play. Even Donut initially talks over Doc in "The Everwhen," and there's a certain irony in that considering that Donut's whole arc here is about being talked over and ignored—but it's also kind of in-character for Donut to be oblivious to the fact that he's even doing that.

So it's pretty satisfying to me, at the end of "Omphalos," when Doc points out that he's being talked over, and Donut… actually listens to him! And teaming up with Doc serves to further the plot. It's pretty great.

And it's equally satisfying when Doc, once in the Labyrinth, gets a moment to grapple with his O'Malley personality and reclaim control of it in order to escape. That really works for me, because I've come to read O'Malley as the part of Doc that emerges when Doc needs someone to stand up for him and in his own personality is incapable of standing up for himself. It certainly follows from season 13, and from season 16. So Doc calling upon O'Malley and consciously reclaiming that part of himself feels like good character development, and it really works here.

It's a nice little piece of resolution for Doc: reintegrating Doc's personalities, and beginning to reintegrate Doc himself as part of the gang and a plot-relevant character.

Stakes That Matter

See, the real stakes in season 17 are relationships.

Some of this carries forward from season 16, most notably for Wash and Carolina. Some of it taps into old unresolved conflicts, like Donut and Wash. And much of it involves rebuilding the team as a whole. Donut must travel through time collecting his friends, and with Wash's help, reunite them to fix the timeline. And at the end, they must find each other in the Labyrinth to overcome their demons and escape.

Season 15 lost track of that team dynamic, and the power the Reds and Blues have always had to triumph when they work together. In its final act, it lost track of the stakes that matter to fans: the characters we care about. Season 16 lost track of character arcs we've been following for many, many years now, and caught up the characters in a conflict that ultimately had little to do with them.

Season 17 has time travel in it, but it's not about time travel. Not really. The time travel serves as a mechanic, not just for plot but for character and relationship growth. What season 17 is about is restoring that neglected found family dynamic, bringing everyone back together to save the day.

Because that's always been a theme of Red vs. Blue: when the bonds are strong enough, the power of friendship wins every time.

Season 17 has the right idea that it's the characters and their relationships that matter, that the characters should drive the plot and therefore the stakes. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: No matter how grand the stakes, how wacky the adventures, or how cool the animations, Red vs. Blue is a show that hooked us with a bunch of people standing around talking. It is character-driven first and foremost, and the characters will always be its heart.

Loose Ends

I mentioned earlier that not every character gets a complete resolution in this storyline, and there are some loose ends to be picked up in our next arc, whatever that may be. Grif is definitely the most prominent one. Simmons is another to me—not so much a loose end as just kind lacking a character arc at all. Both could use some attention in seasons to come.

As I discussed earlier, I think Blue Team has had a pretty solid run of protagonists. The one exception I can see might be Kaikaina, but I think she could use some more time hanging with the core cast before she's ready for that role. With the Freelancer storyline well in the past (or at least it should be!) it makes sense to let Red Team have their time. Donut made a decent start to that. He has a good arc here.

So Grif, in my opinion, deserves another shot. He did not have a complete character arc in this storyline, and in hindsight, the Shisno arc really is Donut's story, not Grif's. I think Grif can be a good protagonist and I think he deserves another chance to be one.

Then there's Simmons, who's had a lot less character development than Grif, to the tune of almost none, and could really use some.

I don't think those two things are in conflict at all. Grif and Simmons' relationship has itself seen a long-running arc that many fans love. A storyline focusing on Grif and Simmons as co-protagonists could be really cool, and if this phase of RvB is Red Team's turn to shine, I can think of no better way to do that than to put Grif and Simmons in the spotlight. This leaves open the possibility for some great Grif siblings moments as well.

And of course, if the show were to finally canonize Grif/Simmons of a romantic nature, a lot of us would not be complaining one bit. But even simply focusing on their friendship and letting their partnership drive the story has some great potential.

Just an idea, but one I think could be really cool.

Conclusions

Jason Weight had a basically impossible task here. He had to finish somebody else's story with a lot of balls in the air while also resolving a lot of character threads that, uh, troubled a lot of fans from last season. It's much easier to critically analyze someone else's story than to write your own, never mind to complete someone else's. This was a tough goddamn job. I'm not surprised this season went through three treatments before one stuck.

It’s also really hard to judge a person’s writing when they’re writing under someone else’s direction and not running the show. I'm aware that Jason wrote one of my least favorite episodes of season 16, but he did so under Joe as lead writer, so it’s hard to say just how much creative freedom he had there.

This season, Jason's had a lot more freedom with character writing and I think that’s where this season shines. The plot's a mess, but given that Jason was tasked with completing someone else’s story arc, which was already a mess, I can’t really lay that on him. Moreover, if he changed the rules, and rearranged the universe a little, he did so in such a way as to allow the story to be more character-driven, and that's what we needed.

Season 17 was a fixer-upper, and for the most part it accomplished what it needed to. There's an emotional intelligence to this season overall that I found lacking in previous seasons, and an attention to characters and character arcs that I find heartening. This is no surprise, when you listen to Jason talk about his work in interviews and panels. There's a love for the characters that really shines through.

Gosh darn it, his writing has heart.

And I would really like to see more. Since it seems pretty clear the show will be continuing, I think there's no better candidate to write season 18, and to lead us into whatever new adventures may come.

Jason deserves that shot, if he wants it. And I do hope we'll get a chance to see his work with these characters again, in a story that is his own.

[stories-mostly]

Stark's Bug

Tony Stark x son!reader

=Masterlist=

And we're back baby. Sorry for the long wait but it had to be done. I was stressed to the brim lol. Anyway this chapter is a little cute and domestic cutouts of what Tony has to deal with every day lol. Happy Pride and have fun reading.

Warnings: zero to none

Words: 2079

Chapter 16

After the trip everything, and everyone, was busy. Happy had taken a week long vacation. Pepper and Natalie were having to call and answer calls from all kinds of government people. And Tony was in his lab researching about the dude who attacked him. Ivan something something if you remember correctly.

The news weren't above it either.

What was worse for you though was the stress hanging in the air. It seemed like nobody would be happy about you interrupting their work. But you also didn't know what to do with yourself. So you sat there on the ground looking off into space thinking about anything and nothing at the same time.

Then you decided to just walk around the house for a bit. Maybe you'll find something to do. As you turned the corner you saw a familiar and loved face appear not far away.

"UNCLE RHODEY!" You screeched and jumped into his arms.

"Hey there, champ. What's new?"

"Everybody is suuuuper busy and boring right now," you complained.

"Well, yeah. The attack yesterday was pretty shocking for a lot of people."

You shrugged and were put back onto the ground.

"I guess. What are you doing here?"

"I have to have a word with your dad about what happened."

"Ugh, you too?" You groaned and threw your head back.

"Yeah. Many important people are mad about what happened. They think Tony can't protect them so they want to take the suits away."

"Like the government?"

"Yes and the military and so on."

"But you're in the military?" You questioned as you were walking into the living room.

"Don't worry. I'm trying to protect him." He smiled at you and asked the room where your dad was right now.

You followed behind him but he turned around and stopped you.

"Sorry, bud. But I'm gonna have to talk with him alone, okay?"

"Why!?" You crossed your arms.

"Because I'll say some choice words you aren't allowed to use yet."

You huffed and sat down on the couch still pouting. You were allowed to go anywhere you want! This was your house!

Still angry your stomach growled loudly. So you left for the kitchen, took some food and sulked off into your room.

The next morning you woke up to a quiet and empty house. Which got you into a chipper mood.

For Tony Stark it was time to let off some off that pent up energy from sitting in the lab all day and night since he got back.

But inside the gym awaited a peculiar scene. There were you, pushing weights with all your might onto a mat layed out on the floor.

"Hey Buddy, what are you doing?" He asked both curious and amused.

You turned away from the task at hand to explain.

"I want to test how much I can lift!"

"With your hands or force?"

"The force!"

"Okay. Don't hurt yourself, alright?"

"I won't" and with that you turned back around to the task at hand. Tony watched you after changing into his gym clothes. You were so focused on scribbling into your notebook that you didn't know he was watching.

He looked on as you picked up one after another weight, putting them down inbetween to write something. He cheered you on inwardly as you struggled to lift another one and add it to the ones already floating about in the room. You added some more until it all finally came tumbling down with a loud thud that made the floor vibrate. Quickly moving to your notebook you wrote down the final amount you had lifted.

"Look how much I can lift, daddy!" You ran up to him holding up your little notebook proudly.

Tony grabbed it to stop it from moving and his eyes almost fell out of his head as he read the number with three lines under it.

"212lbs!? Wow, that's a lot," he exclaimed engulfing you in a big hug.

"That's more than 4 times my weight!" You talked on and showed him the math you had done in your book.

"No way. Wow." He paused thinking about all the documentaries on animals he had watched that talked about this kind of thing.

"That's just like an eagle!" He finally said remembering the documentary he watched with you just recently.

You frowned but shrugged. You'll take that.

"I guess your superhero name should be Eagle from now on." He joked but you shook your head.

"There is already someone named Eagle in Captain Magics team. I can't steal his name." You said matter of factly and walked off to begin cleaning up after yourself.

Meanwhile Tony wondered where Happy was for their sparring match today.

He pulled out his phone to call but then something made an elevator sound in his brain. Happy was on vacation for the next two weeks so... yeah.

He totally hadn't forgotten about that at all. Instead of dwelling on it he turned to you and helped to put away the weights.

"Iron man I need your help!" Tony jumped at the sudden appearance of his son Captain Storm behind him.

"What? Oh, what is it Captain Storm?" He asked in a serious tone.

"The evil Madman is trying to take over Brickville and I need your help defeating him and his evil goons!" You explained in a lower voice than usual, which he found adorable.

"Oh no that's terrible! How can I help?"

"We need to find his headquarters and destroy him once and for all!"

"Let's go then. We can't waste any time!" He jumped up and put on his helmet before sneaking away behind his you.

The city was a mess and located in the living room. Brickvilles Bricks were all over the place and half the city had been ravaged. No one who resisted had been left alive. As Captain Storm explained.

Nearing the headquarters Cap instructed Iron man to quieten down so they wouldn't be discovered by the very vigilant guards hired by Madman.

He had the entire city under his brutal paw.

Evading the goons outside both heroes got inside the headquarter undetected.

"We have to find Madmans office. Follow me!" Captain Storm walked forward leading the taller hero through the corridors towards what was discovered to be Madmans office just a few minutes prior.

"Stop," Storm said holding out a hand behind him before turning around. "Look, there's guards."

"That must be it then. How do you propose we get inside?"

"I sneak around to the other side and on three we take them down together."

Iron man nodded in agreement and the plan unfolded as said.

Captain Storm snuck around to the other guard further away from Iron man. He held up three fingers and lowered them one at the time indicating the countdown.

Once the last finger went down both heroes took the guards down quickly  and left their bodies in the same spot they had been standing.

Bursting through the door there he was. Madman. Sitting on his office chair and looking as though he had awaited their arrival.

"Ah. Captain Storm and Iron man what a pleasure," spoke the Bear.

"Shut up stupid! We're not here to talk. Leave the city alone and I wont punch you in the face." The Captain said. Very aggressively. Iron man was sort of taken back.

"Yeah. You heard the man Madman." He supported non the less.

Madman said no and with that Storm tackled him out of his chair and started throwing punches.

"Leave. The. City. Alone."

You really beat the crap out of that Bear.

In the end Iron man dragged Madman out of his hideout and held him in place as Storm told the citizens that they were now safe and left Madman in the hands of the public.

"Good work Stormy. I will go now I hope you can handle the cleaning up?"

Captain Storm nodded dutifully and began cleaning. First dragging the stuffed supervillain by his blanket cape into his room while several Lego houses followed.

Tony Stark always thought of himself as a rather messy and unorganized person. But he didn't think he was this unorganized. After you had nagged him about being hungry he went into the kitchen to see what was available.

Nothing apparently. Nothing for him rather. You had spotted something that peaked your interest. A full bag of frozen peas.

"What about this?" You asked holding out the peas infront of you.

"What about it?"

"Can I have it?"

"The peas?"

You nodded.

Tony frowned. This wasnt what he imagined his son wanted for dinner.

"You want a plate of...peas?"

"Yes."

"With what?"

"Just peas."

"Are you sure?" Again you nodded this time more insistent.

What the hell. What kind of child wants peas for dinner.

"But these won't fill you up."

"Not if I eat lots."

The older Stark sighed and went on to prepare you a plate of pure peas. Just peas and nothing but peas. It felt wrong to put peas in a pot all by themselves. And it felt even worse putting all of them in an empty bowl again all by themselves.

He placed the bowl of peas infront of you and gave you a spoon. You, being the semi independent little man you are, went and got yourself a fork. Meanwhile your poor father didn't understand any of the actions you were currently taking. He wondered if he ever confused his parents like you were currently doing to him.

But you seemed to be delighted by the food. Kicking your legs back and forth while chewing the peas.

Tony opted to bite into his apple and keep his mouth shut.

In the end you ate two and a half bowls of peas and was satisfied with your meal.

Pressing down random keys on the piano you were slowly getting frustrated with the bad tunes that came out of it. Nothing even resembling the melodies your father could produce.

Said man walked in just as you were dragging your fingers over the keys angrily. He was planning on telling you to get ready for bed but seeing you sitting there, trying your darnest to produce music warmed his heart with fondness.

"Playing the piano, Bug? What song?" He teased and sat down next to you.

You glared at him.

"Oh if looks could kill," He chuckled and pressed down on one of the keys.

"Want me to teach you?"

You eyes lit up. "Yes! Can you, please?!"

"Alright, come here!" He patted the spot right next to him and you slid closer. He took your smaller hands and placed them where you should press, adjusting each finger that was needed.

"What song is it?"

"I think you'll know once we play it," you weren't really satisfied with that answer.

He placed his own hands right over yours and pulled you on his lap rather than reaching around you awkwardly.

Tony pressed down and the first two notes rung through the quiet room. You groaned.

"What?"

"Thats a childs song!" You exclaimed offended.

"Yeah and what are you?"

"Too old for Twinkle Twinkle little star."

Tony laughed a little. "Bug. This is one of the easiest things to play as a beginner. You don't start with the hardest thing first," he explained and played on with your hands still being guided along.

"Twinkle twinkle little Star. How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high. Like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle twinkle little Star. How I wonder what you are." Tony sang along teasingly.

"This song is stupid." You pouted.

"You rather have me sing the ABC's alongside it?" He poked you side and you moved away.

"Come on this was composed by Mozart. So I don't think it's all that stupid. Come on let's play some more,"

"Only if you play the Star Wars song!" You grinned up at him.

"Okay? I'll see what I can do," he said and placed you back onto his lap.

"This time you sing along too. Make sure I'm doing it right," he put your hands back in position and you nodded dutifully.

At first you just mumbled the words but your dad pushed you a slight bit and joined in.

You grinned and sang the last lyrics together. Giggling you pressed the last keys on your own.

"Great!" Tony praised and placed his own hands over different keys.

"What Star Wars song would the gentleman like to hear?"

"The one that goes: dun dun dun duhn dahdan duhn dahdan," you tried to describe it to the best of your abilities.

Tony nodded and thought for a second before pressing down on the first few notes of The Imperial March. You smiled brightly. He missed a few notes but that didn't bother you too much. It was sensational and you liked having your own musician in the house.

You clapped when he finished. "Whoooo. This was great!"

"Well, thank you kindly. But now is really time for bed,"

He shooed you along and into your bathroom and with that your day was over and another would soon arrive.

And then another, and another, and so on.

Tags: @shannonr2003 @art-estrange @nicholasbich @tater-thotties @tonystanktheirondad @gaylemonshark @emilaa2001 @kindahadeschild @actualcringetm

[justkending]

Knock, Knock. Chapter 35

Chapter Summary: Time for a talk with the she-devil herself. Good or bad? Let’s see.

Pairing: (single) Jensen x Reader

Warnings: Angst? 

Word Count: 2900+

Series Masterlist

Part 35:

“One second!” you heard, and then the doors opened quickly. “Hel-You.” she said looking you up and down. “What are you doing here?” her tone was angry and annoyed.

“Hey Danneel. I was hoping we could talk.” you said in a calm voice.

“About?” she said popping her hip, and opening the door a little more.

“I think you know what about.” you said cocking your head. She let out an annoyed groan, and was about to shut the door but you put a hand out to stop her. “Listen, I come here on civil terms, and truly just want to talk. No cat fights. No passive aggressive comments. No threats. Just one on one conversation.”

She was hesitant for a second, but rolled her eyes opening her door more. She motioned to the inside.

“Well, are you going to come in or just stare?” she huffed.

“Sorry, yes. Thank you.” you said quickly coming in.

“Hmmm mmm.” she hummed closing the door behind you. She watched you closely as you took in your surroundings, and crossed her arms. “I was going to make some coffee before you came. You want any?” she asked moving to the kitchen expecting you to follow, which you did after hesitation.

“Coffee sounds nice.”

She moved around the kitchen as you went and sat at the little dining room table off to the side. You watched as she added the beans, and then pulled out the creamer and sugar before pulling two mugs down.

As the coffee brewed she turned and looked at you.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” she asked knowing the answer, but waiting for you to talk first.

You took a long sigh before starting.

“Listen Danneel. I don’t know exactly why you hate me, but I think we should break down what’s going down.”

“You’re a counselor right? For some elementary? Are you trying to counsel me right now?”

“No, I’m trying to talk to you like a normal human being who clearly has some underlying issues that she is exhibiting on those around her.” you said not catching your sass before it came out. “Sorry. That was harsh.”

She gave you a blank stare. You couldn’t tell if she was about to throw you out, or come over and smack you across the face.

To your surprise she did neither, and just chuckled softly before pouring the finished coffee and bringing it over with the cream and sugar.

“Thank you.” you whispered preparing the drink how you liked, and feeling the awkward tension building.

A minute went by of pure silence, but it felt like eons.

“Ok, so-” you started before you were cut off.

“I don’t like you because you took the one thing from me that made me happy.” she stated quickly and avoided eye contact.

“What-” you asked surprised but once again she cut you off.

“Me and Jensen were on the rocks, but I was going to fix everything. Instead, he just completely dumped me and never looked back.”

“Why?”

She turned back to you confused at why you were curious and not furious.

“Why? Because he never gave me the chance to fix things. He saw one mistake and left.”

“You were using him Danneel, and you hurt him through other things too.” you stated making her snap her gaze back to you.

After a minute of harsh glaring she spoke up.

“You only know Jensen’s perspective. You don’t know my story.” she breathed out in a hurt chuckle.

“Then tell me it.” you said sitting back in your chair.

She turned back to you confused. Why you were being so civil? I mean she basically tried destroying your social life, and how people viewed you before they even got the chance to make the judgement themselves.

“What is this? Why did you come here all ‘girl next door’ like? Are you trying to get me to break? Trying to get me to soften up and tell you something so you can sell it to the press, huh? What’s your play?” she said getting defensive.

You let out a soft chuckle because this was the classic case of insecurity. You worked with it all the time when you counseled in high school, middle school, and now even in elementary. Hell, you saw it almost in every session no matter the age or environment.

“None of that.” you said calmly stirring your drink. “I came here cause I can see a girl who just needs a friend. A person who gets scared when things don’t play out how she wants. A girl who never had any good friends to help her through tough times, but instead left her to defend for herself and that’s exactly what you are doing right now.”

Danneel sat back shocked that you were making these accusations. I mean you weren’t wrong, but you didn’t have to be so blunt.

“I-”

“You’re getting defensive about everything. I came in here saying I wanted to talk. You immediately asked what about, when you clearly knew. Then as soon as I ask about your story, you think I’m plotting a revenge kick on you.” you said looking out the window proud of yourself for finally understanding her cruelness toward you. After a second, you turned back to see her wide eyed, and opened mouthed. “I’m not like the other girls you’ve met Danneel. I don’t want to hurt you like you have me. I want to help you. You clearly need someone to talk to, and to vent to. I would like to extend my hand in peace.” you said moving your hand out.

She looked down at it, and then went back to your eyes. She continued to look back and forth, and you realized that maybe you should give her a second to decide before expecting her to just throw in the towel. So, you pulled your hand back and let out a sigh.

“If you don’t want that, than fine. I’m sorry that you feel like you have to destroy any threat instead of learning how to work with it. I was trying to help you from getting hurt in the end of this, but I guess you don’t want that.” you stood up collecting your things and shrugged your purse on before turning back to her. “I’ll see my way out. Thank you for the coffee.” you nodded with a soft smile before turning and making your way to the door.

You had opened the giant wooden doors, and were about to take a step out when you heard her.

“I’m sorry.” she all but mumbled loud enough for you to stop.

“What?” you asked turning around seeing her in the threshold that seperated the entryway from the living room.

She was folding into herself embarrassed, unlike the body language you had seen on her all the times before.

“Don’t make me repeat myself.” she huffed more annoyed at herself than you.

“Ok.”

“I-I would like to talk.” she whispered again still avoiding eye contact. “If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind.” you said closing the door, and stepping back in.

“Good.” she said with the slightest hint of a smile. She looked up at you, and you could see the timidness that you never thought would form in a person like her. She took a deep breath before walking back to the kitchen.

You smiled to yourself semi-happy that you made some form of a breakthrough. Yet again, this could all be an act so it was safe to keep your guard up, and not fall for EVERYTHING she said. You took a deep breath before walking back in the kitchen where she was grabbing some snacks to go with the coffee. Not that you would take any cause to be honest, you weren’t all that hungry given the situation.

You sat in your former chair, and she placed a bowl of fruit in the middle.

“I don’t know what you like so…” she said trailing off.

‘That’s fine. Thank you.” you said smiling.

Again, another round of silence. You checked your watch and saw that 3 minutes went by. It may not seem like a lot normally, but when your in as awkward or as tense as a situation as this, it could have been 10 life times.

“So-”

“I did hurt him.” she confessed. You looked at her wide eyed, but didn’t speak. It was her time to share and you weren’t going to take that from her. “When we first started dating, I wasn’t that big in the industry. He was at the time.” she was fiddling with her coffee, and not looking at you. “My agent was the one who told me to pursue him. He was always asking me out, and she said it would help get my name out there in the business. I didn’t want to become a bigger star for that reason to begin with, but after some peer pressure and… other things from my manager… I did it. I gave into one of his many date invitations, and we started going steady. It turned me into a whole different person. I was blinded to say the least.” she finally looked up at you to see if you were following. You nodded showing you were listening, and she let out a chuckle. “I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”

“You can stop whenever you want. I promise that I won’t share this with anyone though. I’m not here to judge. I’m here to listen, and understand.” you assured her. She took a deep breath and went on.

“I didn’t have feelings for him for most of the time. Then towards the end of the relationship…” she had a look that showed she was ashamed of herself. “I got caught up with another guy on the side. We were careful to not get caught, until one night…”

“Jensen caught you.” you said knowing this part.

“Yeah.” she sighed. “He came home early to surprise me, and the other guy had spent the night.”

You closed your eyes knowing just how much that had hurt Jensen. When you looked at her though, you could see the same acknowledgement toward the pain. She knew she hurt him, and it almost looked like she regretted it.

“It wasn’t until the relationship actually ended with Jensen that I even knew how in love I was. It was an act for the longest time until… it wasn’t. At some point I fell in love and I just never caught on.” she said getting choked up. “Oh god. I’m telling you literally everything. I should shut up.” she said trying to laugh away the tears coming, and make herself seem unbothered.

You grabbed her hand, and gave it a reassuring squeeze from across the table.

Her eyes shot to yours and she tensed. You just keep the warm smile on in hopes that it showed she was safe. Your intentions weren’t to hurt her, or make her feel uncomfortable with sharing.

Surprisingly, she returned the squeeze and you both pulled back before she started again.

You sat there for a good 30 minutes talking. She shared more than you ever thought she would. Basically, she was a damaged girl who didn’t know how to work with her feelings or emotions. She resorted to anger and hate instead of understanding and thought. Something you see a lot of in your line of work.

You learned that while they were dating, she flipped personalities completely. Where she used to want low down dates and intimate hangout session, it turned into raging parties and public appearances. That just led to multiple other personality traits that she never had before. Manipulation, bitterness, self-indulgence, spoiledness, and not a care for anyone else's feelings.

Now, you had a better understanding as to why people started to distance themselves from her. Deep down she wasn’t bad. She just wanted friends, and someone to understand, but she constantly wore a mask. She was scared to let people in. She had the acting business to thank for that.

If there was one thing you learned from your talk, it was that she did want to change. She just didn’t know where to start.

“I have no idea why, but anytime I see him with someone else, this-this surge of jealousy and anger hits me.”

“Because you still have feelings for him.” you sighed.

“So? He would never take me back. I mean I see the way he looks at you, and I-I-” she cut herself off. “He never looked at me that way. Even on our good days.”

“Is that why you hate me?”

She scoffed.

“I don’t hate you. I envy you.”

“Sure seems like you hate me.” you mumbled.

“You weren’t wrong earlier. I’ve only ever been taught to destroy threats, not work with them. As soon as I saw Jensen happy, and flourishing again, something inside me snapped. I wanted to make him pay, but more importantly… I wanted to make you pay.” she said the last part quietly.

“Because you still love him.” you said speaking her thoughts.

“I don’t know if I will ever stop.” she mumbled looking out the window.

“I’m sorry.” you said after a few seconds of silence.

“Why are you sorry? I’m the one being the bitch. You’ve been nothing but nice.”

“Now, that’s not entirely true.” you laughed making her raise an eyebrow. “I got pretty defensive that time in the hallway. I wasn’t really the nicest girl.”

“Well, I wasn't either. It makes sense for you to get defensive.” she laughed back.

“I guess we were both quick to judge instead of breaking it down.” you sighed looking at each other again.

“Yeah, I guess so.” she smiled into her coffee. “Listen Y/N, I’m sorry for being a raging, jealous, manipulative ex-girlfriend.” she said after you both took a minute to process things.

“And I’m sorry for not hearing your story before making a judgement on you. It’s nice to have two sides of it.”

“I can say the same.” she smiled kindly at you. “You know, it’s been a while since I had a girlfriend that was actually nice and understanding. This is nice to actually have a civilized conversation with someone.”

“There are more of us out there. You just have to give it a chance.” you winked.

“I should probably try this more often. I’ve kinda been distant from everyone after Jensen and I broke things off. I guess I never really flipped the switch back.” she breathed out.

“Well, you can now. It’s never too late.” you said standing up.

“Never too late, but hard to find the switch when you’ve been in the dark so long.” she laughed sadly standing with you.

You looked at her with a sense of pity. She had a long way to go, and she needed someone to help her through it.

“Listen, I have to head back home. I don’t mean to just up and leave-” you said grabbing your purse.

“Yeah, no. I understand.” she waved off as if she were unbothered but really she was hoping you would stay a little longer.

“I’m glad we could finally talk. This was nice.” you smiled kindly.

“It was. I never in a million years thought that this would work out so smoothly.” she laughed as she started walking you to the door. Once you were on the front step you turned to wave, but she stopped you. “I’m sorry for everything Y/N. You don’t deserve the anger and hate that I’ve been showing you. You’re a good person, and Jensen chose well.” she said with a sadden tone. “I’m, uh,-” she paused not sure how to go about it. “I’m going to set things straight. What I did was evil, and completely over the top.”

“Danneel-”

“I know that deep down that’s what you came here for . The way you approached it though was exactly what I needed. I just needed to talk…” she paused. “So, thanks for listening.”

“Anytime.” you smiled. “I know things may still be rocky with us, and you have somethings to figure out, but…” you took a deep breath. “I would really like to become friends at some point. I want to put this behind us.”

You both just gave each other soft smiles.

“I think we can arrange that.” she said reaching a hand out.

“I’m looking forward to it.” you said taking it and shaking it firmly.

“Drive safe Y/N.” she said going back to the door.

“I will. Thank you.” you said turning.

“Y/N!” she said making you stop at your car.

“Tell Jensen I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt him. T-Things just never went how I wanted.”

“Ok.” you waved pausing. 

She nodded and you got in the car closing the door. Once you started the car, she shut the door to her house, and you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.

“That was definitely not how I expected that to go.” you said leaning back before driving back home. You had a lot to figure out, and you were just hoping that all this was real and not fake. You needed a win, and this would hopefully be the big one you got.

My lovelies:

@shamelesslydean @sleepless-sin  @sandlee44 @gripmetight-raisemefromperdition@supersleepygoat @justanotherwaywardsister @spnwoman @ravengirl94@carryonmywaywardcaptain @ezilyamuzed@thosekidswhohuntmonsters@purpleskiesandcherrypies@anise-d-castle6 @tailsoflightning@spookycowz @eve05glee @snffbeebee @angelessquirrel @deans-baby-momma@natura1phenomenon @tftumblin@gh0stgurl@screechingartisancashbailiff@herscrunchiehairtie @dreaminemz @staradorned @monkeymcpoopoo@a-girl-who-loves-disney@andthatsmyworld @greenarrowhead@savio-the-depressed-moose@awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @greyeyedsmile14  @adoptdontshop-blog@casper57@traceyaudette@rainflowermoonlibrary@luciathewinchestergirl@almostelegantfire@thefaithfulwriter @the-is13@kaz11283 @jerkbitchidjitassbutt@squirrelgirl67@jackles-15 @lauravic @deansgirls-1968 @a--1--1--3

[princeanxious]

Heres that Sanders Sides mer!human!au i was talking about??(i’ll add drawings to it tomorrow)

(All mistakes are mine) (have ideas, theories, ect. To add? Feel free to add onto this post!)

Patton and Virgil are mermaids in this story, Logan and Roman are the main scientist and caretakers of the two.

Both Patton and Virgil were captured from the ocean and the awful people who captured them attempted to sell them for their beautiful unique scales on the black market, but thankfully the people who rescued them soon after were good guys, so Patton and Virgil now find themselves in a rehabilitation center in the same tank(because Patton wails nonstop, profusely and sorrowfully in a sounding agony the first night that they separate him from Virgil, and Virgil continuously bangs himself and his tail against the tank and growls at any person who enters the room, until they bring in Patton. When the two are safely put in the same tank, they tightly wrap around each other and coo and churr and purr to one another for hours. They don’t separate them after that.). Virgil’s memories of being caught involve a lot of nets, worrying and crying out to Patton, thrashing violently in hopes that his spines and claws would cut the rope, and eventually a sharp pain in his tail before everything grew dark. When he woke up, he found Patton clinging to him while they were in an awful, shallow pool with shackles almost hindering their gills. (They can breathe out of water, thankfully, but the air above the water then wasn’t pleasant either.) Virgil is understandably shackled to the point of no movement due to his violence during being caught. Apparently, when the scientist and the caretaker survey the whole operation (which had been foiled and taken over just days after the two were caught, and was now being taken apart to treat and care for the few mermaids left to save) they found that they had to spend an hour calming down Patton and earning his trust who didn’t dare let any of them near Virgil at first without snapping and growling at them if they so much as made a wrong move.

Once together and settled in the center, them being placed in an isolated tank from other mermaids at the center due to Virgil's violent nature and being unsure if they could trust other mers around Patton when the two are so protective of one another in such a strange environment, Logan and Roman begin working to gain their trust in various ways. Logan getting into the shallow end of the tank, and ultimately submitting to Virgil (in a very close call that had Roman scolding him for days afterward because “just because its science logan doesn't mean you can freely test theories like that!! What if he had gone through with ripping your throat out?!? He sure looked like it?? What if you had tested that out while Patton wasn’t in the tank? Wasn’t there to stop and make Virgil think?? Your gonna get yourself killed or seriously injured and i'm going to kick your ass if you do that again without consulting me!”) the situation involved Logan slipping in slowly (while in a wetsuit) and displaying no signs of defensive or aggressive tendencies,while Virgil swam right up to him growling and baring his fangs and being very warningly aggressive but not touching Logan at all. After long agonizing minutes of this and Logan vulnerably submitting to this behaviour, Virgil backs off, tired but wary, and allows Patton to investigate the human. Patton is much more curious and kind to the human trying his best to earn their trust and connect with them. Patton gets up close, touching and poking, leaning his face in to gaze at Logan’s, Virgil close behind Patton just in case, and ends up taking off Logan’s glasses. Effectively, Logan is blind now, but puts his trust in the merman infront of him to keep him safe, he can make out the fact that Patton has placed his glasses on his own face, gazing around. Another blob, Virgil, comes into view and they interact for a moment before Patton comes up close again, gazing at Logan’s face. He can see how Logan can’t see him very well, as his eyes keep shifting and he’s squinting without these weird glass things. But Patton can -see- with them! Everything is so much clearer, he can see Virgil clearly too! Eventually, he tries to pull the human forward some in the water, excited to play, be the human pulls back slightly, glancing around just a tad frantically. It takes Virgil gently tapping on the glass thing settled on Pattons face for Patton to realize the human needs them to see too, and carefully hands them over. Patton is accustomed to not seeing very well, and Virgil has always been his guide up until now, so when he pulls the human along, he keeps to the side of the tank, sometimes letting go to dip underwater and greet a grumpy virgil with a happy kiss and sometimes curiously poking at Logan’s shoes.

Eventually when Logan pulls himself out of the tank and sits on the side, Patton greets him by resting his head in his arms on the side of the tank, curiously pulling his hands over the floor he couldn’t quite see.

Logan whispers some things into a device at his shoulder and it quietly beeps at him, a few moments pass before Roman steps into the room, slowly and carefully, carrying a bucket and something else. Immediately, Virgil is up, head peeking out of the water as he rests against Patton, eyes glued distrustfully on the newcomer. He settles behind Logan but in sight of the other two, carefully turning over the bucket to reveal fish, food semi local from their habitat. He carefully pushes it closer, and lets logan pick one up and gentle offer one to virgil to show him its safe, before virgil grunts, given patton the okay to reach out and take his food happily.

Roman hands logan a pair of weird goggles, and a seemingly sharp object, the metal making virgil tense. Virgil watches as he widdles a hole into either side of the goggle eye holes, before handing the metal back to Roman. Roman is quietly bickering at Logan while the other works. Logan dips the goggles under the water and watches the holes make the goggles fill up. He grins, satisfied, and pulls them back out. At this point, Virgil is in between Logan and Patton, so Logan offers them to virgil, who cautiously takes them. “Y’know those were your good goggles too.” “If it helps him see until we can get him proper eyewear, then we can easily buy another pair.”

With some gestures, Logan helps Virgil figure out how to put the goggles on Patton, who becomes ecstatic to find that he can see again! Begrudgingly, Virgil brushes against Logan’s knees in thanks, and then becomes distracted with Patton showing him the first, and chittering to him happily.

Later on, once solid trust is built between the four, the two mermen are allowed to interact with other mermaids, to which there surprise is that Virgil suddenly becomes very submissive around other mermaids and Patton becomes more dominant, more or less just protective of the nervous merman than anything. Any mermaid coming to greet the pair is greeted by Patton only, Virgil shyly clinging to his back. They diagnose virgil with anxiety, and begin to give the two mermen ways to help him cope.

To Logans dismay, it would be Roman to find out the other two could communicate the way humans can, albeit limited at first. Because the mermen can understand most of what even logan says, but they just don't have practice in responding back.

Cue Logan having a fucking field day with this.

Idk. Merpeople, man. I love em.

(I’ll write more about their adventures later if anyone is interested)

[mlstymonsoon]

what gag layout type can say about a toon

[note: sorry if smth similars been done. i wouldnt know or remember kjghlkfhg but anyways this is more referring to the toons themselves and not referring to the actual players! lots of toontown societal lore-based stuff in here and how toon lifestyle affects personality n stuff idk!!!!! if u find any errors in my wordz i apologize]

✰ the conventionalists ✰

Toonupless ; The Protector

toons without the only healing gag track available to the community may seem unfeeling at first glance, but they give it their all in battle with their strongest gags and lure so toonup isn’t needed in the first place. 

more of a loner or soloist, not needing a healing gag due to not being around other toons.  might hold a guilty conscious about being unable to heal others depending on how they were raised.  some may go toonupless for not wanting the responsibility of healing; they would rather continue to attack to avoid further toon damage.  tend to be more stoic/serious than other toons and/or lack a strong sense of humor itself.  very aware toons that like to take in a lot of news.

Trapless ; The Utilizer

these trapless toons are one of the most common you’ll see around each of the neighborhoods and with good reason; they have a fair amount of defense and offense gags to choose from.

are often diligent; don’t mind the sluggish training drop can bring and power through adversity.   appreciate the flexible usage of drop with its high damage and lack of needing someone else to complete the attack, as compared to the similar trap track.  decent cognitive skills and work well alone as well as with a group.  willing to improvise if the time calls for it and can do so quite successfully.

Lureless ; The Thinker

lureless folks are an interesting bunch as they cannot stall any cogs or activate their trap by themselves. some would think it’s a poor choice, having to rely on others like that but dont worry, they know what they’re doing.

great communicators and problem-solvers.  evidently work smoothly in groups but can be just as efficient in times they are alone by giving it all they got before cogs can attack continuously.  good at making quick decisions in and out of battles.  would rather ponder their next move instead of luring all the cogs and calling it a day.  are very loyal friends and learn to trust others in times of need.

Soundless ; The Strategist

sound. the one track society tries to tell toons that you can’t live without it. its constantly the go-to in countless situations. yet soundless toons prove sound could be obsolete and they could all still survive.

prefer to take things more slow and steady.  extremely efficient; just know how to get things done.  tend to be highly experienced and clever.  good explainers and dont fear sharing their thoughts aloud.  may be notably more sensitive to loud noises and/or appreciate the quiet. ambiverted; can communicate well when needed but do need to recharge after a while.  willing to stand up for others and themselves. 

Dropless ; The Initiator 

drop has a bad reputation with these toons due to its slow-paced and tedious training which doesnt pair well with energized dropless folks’ need to always be moving forward.

prefer to be in control of their situations as much as possible.  work very well and efficiently in groups.  dislike when things dont go as they planned.  are at their best when in a fast-paced environment.  tend to be good at hiding emotions; are more likely to be passive-aggressive when upset.  most show pride in themselves but still care about others and their accomplishments.  aren’t too afraid of confrontations.

✰ the non-conventionalists ✰

Throwless ;  The Go-Getter

possibly one of the most common unconventional layouts out there in toontown. many wonder why these toons would dare to leave out such a foundational and useful gag track. reasons vary but one thing’s for sure—they’re up for it.

dont mind having to mix things up a little; flexible.  are very aware of their strengths and know their limits. courageous to do the unexpected and enjoy doing so, even if some effectiveness is lost in battle.  less likely to prefer sweets as their favorite choice of food.  tend to be very experienced in battles; knowledgable.  probably would laugh if a toon tried to underestimate or belittle them.

Squirtless ; The Achiever

these toons lack the complementary gag track to the other deemed-essential, throw. being able to stop training squirt at a lower level than throwless folks who need at least cream pie makes this choice favorable, but still always raises the question of why. to which they say: why not?

prefer to not appear too out-of-the-ordinary in most battles. take pride regardless in themselves. more predictable than their throwless counterparts.  might dislike getting wet more than the average toon—good luck finding them at donald’s dock. down to face a challenge every now and then.  quick-thinkers who tend to choose their gags first when in a group.  mentally prepare themselves for potential situations that could occur.

Semi ; The Supporter

toons whom would once be considered an uber now are high laff with the same few gag tracks they had when they were low laff. these wild toons know what efficiency truly is.

may not say aloud to their teammates what their only gags are, as to simply adapt and work fast with what the others are choosing to use.  like to live in their own little world; creative and imaginative.  enjoy pushing limits and taking risks.  try to remain a step ahead of everyone else in battle.  may be more likely to having a carefree, easygoing personality.  absolute workaholics who always feel like they need to be doing something. 

Uber ; The Survivor

the special little guys who go big or go home!! ubers with their low laff leaves them much more vulnerable to cog attacks but their maxed gags make up for what little health they have. they'll fight just as well as any 100-laffer!

have to always be working hard to afford all the gags they’ll have to keep buying after they go sad numerous times.  dont let setbacks get them down.  strong-willed toons always living on the edge—got nothing to lose.  chill to talk with, very social and grateful and enjoy the company of others.  modest as hell.  good listeners and willing to cooperate.

✰ the toon citizens ✰

Gagless ; The Worker / The Young

gagless toons simply do not get involved in cog-related business and work in another field such as doctors, nurses, mechanics, store workers, therapists, chefs, cops, caretakers, and so on. these toons are often overlooked but are vital to the toontown community, which is why when kidnappings-by-cog occur, it gets taken seriously and large groups go to search for and save them. 

toons may start gag training only to decide they’d prefer to not continue on with a cog-fighting lifestyle. they’ll have to return their gag pouch to officials, however. toon workers aren’t allowed gags as they work so much with their chosen profession there isn’t need to carry them. but cogfighters can have part-time jobs if they want. worker toons also significantly are lower in laff, as they cannot go fight cogs and aren’t assigned toontasks. they can partake in leisure activities such as fishing or gardening when not working and earn laff in this way. for their full-time joining of the toontown workforce, they also will receive 5 laff from flippy himself. thus making the lowest possible laff for gagless toons 20, and the highest 37.

tend to be the most tranquil of toons, not wanting to partake in any fighting or action.  dont necessarily seek attention.  very responsible and respectable.  appreciate all that cogfighters protect them from and do what they do in honor of them.  its hard to group these toons altogether bc theres so many different possible professions for them!

Becoming A Cogfighter

besides the workforce being gagless, young toons also are gagless in the sense they aren’t old enough to safely become a cogfighter. toons receive their gag pouches and first tasks at 15 yrs old which is represented by their starter laff meter. however, young toons can get their pouches and start training gags as young as 12 only with parental guardian consent and kids consent as well. no parents forcing kids to start training when they dont feel ready. overall choosing to wait is done more than choosing not to wait.

generally until they can start training, young toons are educated on cogs and their threat and how they’ll eventually become a cogfighter. and can do activities, ride the trolley, make art, swim, play and overall enjoy being a kid w/o responsibilities!! some toons are overly eager to start training so they may convince their parents to let them early. which is all fine and dandy until that eagerness and immaturity leads to.......Bad Things

[tushieblurbs]

Title: Nightcrawler

Description: The difference between predators born in the day and those of night are worlds apart.

In this world, there are many kinds of hunters. Predators. Bringers of death. They take many forms, with incredibly varied appearances between them. Some small, some large, some fleshy, some made of chitin. But what unites all of them, is their instincts. The desire to hunt, to catch Prey, to corner that fleeing thing they prey upon and finally sink their desire into them.

What separates these many fierce and devilish hunters from each other, is simple as night and day.

Predators born of day need only worry about physical fitness. Perhaps the ability to blend in and easily elude prey, but otherwise they can adapt to become the top of the foodchain by simply being the most physically fit for their habitat.

Predators born within the confines of the dark, however... This specific breed of hunter excels in the craftiness they must employ to gain the upperhand on the prey item. They must be intelligent, resourceful, and be well equipped to strike when the time is most opportune. They lack the strength, the sheer physical fitness of their kin. But what they lack in raw strength, they surely make up for in ability to excel at being incredibly unique in their unconventional hunting methods.

This is one such nighttime breed of hunter. One with very specific and special tastes...

--

3:00AM. Typically a time where most would be sleeping soundly in bed. Tucked away with the pleasant idea that they are safe and secure within the confines of their nest. 

For this specific house, this is not the case. For as soon as everybody has gone to dreamland, the Predators shall stalk.

Jolting awake, the unfortunate target of this Predator stares up at the ceiling, unmoving and only able to barely move her head around enough in her sleeping position to survey the dimly moonlit room around her. The window in-front of her bed is wide open, allowing a soft breeze and gentle hues of the celestial body above to illuminate the otherwise dark bedroom.

Sadly for her, she is able to get a clear view of the end of her bed. With her making out the ever slightest hint of black, pointy claw tips slowly coming into view from behind the circular bed frame in front of her socked feet. She tries to move, to make the first aggressive act towards this very familiar sight, but sadly her body refuses to cooperate with her. She feels heavy, but all too awake.

Those tips soon elongate further. And further. Until they carefully and gently wrap themselves around the cutesy circle frame of the bed. She tries to struggle again, but no dice. 

It’s 3:08AM now.

A sly and sadistic chuckle is released from the direction of the claw, and soon another claw repeats the same motions as before. Feeling a mixture of anxiety and anger, the awake yet frozen stiff Bear attempts to desperately wake her body from whatever spell it is currently under. 

“Oh, no, no, noooooo!” From behind the bed frame in front of her, a voice oozing with malice and mockery of concern is heard. “Are you okay? Are you afraid? I can smell the anticipation on you already!” Another smug chuckle is released by the voice. The Bear however, is familiar of the owner of this voice. In fact, she had fucking dealt with him all week. 

The black clawtips, barely visible within the moonlight, dig into the wood of the bed frame. Taking it’s sweet, delicate time to let the razor sharp fingers gash the wood with an childish enthusiasm. Before long, the claws release the tension, and grip it again as the owner of the claws launches themselves up into full view, using the bed frame as a brace for their sudden movement.

The owner of said claws of course, was Orias. The local shiteating grin of a bastard within this neck of the woods. He smiled at the glaring gaze from the comatose Bear with what could best described as sincerity and prickishness.

“What do we have here...?” He asks allowed, reaching a long slender arm forward to gently run a claw up and down one of the frozen Bear’s thighs. While she is entirely unable to move in these situations, her ability to feel or sense is not halted in the slightest--In fact, it feels in many ways amplified due to the Succubus’s magickal aura. “My, my, my...” He hisses, eyeing the way his claw indents on her pleasantly soft thigh. “Is this a Princess I’ve come across? She seems to be fast asleep no less...! Any sort of danger could befall such a maiden!”

Pulling away from her, he places both of claws on his face in mock surprise, his toothy mouth agape in mock surprise. 

“And me, a most certainly devilishly handsome creature of the night! The only one able to protect her defenseless self!” 

The mocking look of surprise gives away fast to a look of pure sadistic glee, as his tongue bleps outside of his pale lips in a manner far too cutesy for such a bastard. Tasting the air softly as he mirthfully looked down at her still glaring face. He was fully aware she was aware, and awake, and absolutely willing to clock his shit in if given the chance, but that didn’t matter right now, did it? Night time is his time. He was a Predator, and he found his Favorite little Prey just ripe for the taking. For a fox to pass up an open chicken coop is just outside of it’s control. 

Raising both of his claws into the air, arms outstretched wide as his feathery coat hung loosely, his silhouette becomes clearly and threateningly defined due to the moonlight from the wide open window behind him. The Bear shudders a bit as she makes full contact with his glowing red eyes for the first time since he fully revealed himself, the mixture of hunger and lust becoming readily apparent on his normally assholish face.

He brings both of his claws down, climbing up onto the bed with a grace and gentleness that almost would cause any normally fast asleep patron to shift in the covers due to potentially feeling a gust of wind. But this elegance and swiftness is Orias’s most powerful skill; Within moments, his claws are running along both of her frozen thighs, with his steady hissing mixing with the light caressing of his tail as he sneered down at her now flustering and lightly disgusted face.

“Too bad no one can protect you from me, My Princess.” He whispers, gripping her thigh tightly. “No one will ever keep you from my grasp, my touch, nor getting to love you in ways only I’ll ever be able to provide~” While the poor Bear is unable to do much beyond stare at him in the face, she expresses an steadily increasing look of distress and redness as she feels him use his tail to gently lift up her oversized shirt--His two black claws still all too busy with getting to properly get a handful of her squishy thighs.

With her shirt now pulled up enough to expose her tummy area, he looks up at her distressed face, and gently kisses it once--Smirking as his lips press up against it, the look on her face as he does so doing far more for him than she’d ever like to know. He pulls back from the kiss, to now let out a breathy huff which collides with her tummy as he digs each one of his bladed claws into her thighs at once. This causes the Bear to squirm lightly, but he does it so fast and quickly she once again returns to her formally still state.

He has to be careful, as too much pain will cause her to be broken free of his spell. See, as he can stimulate the body as much as he wants, but if he were to inflict too much harm his spell would fade away incredibly fast. As such, he must keep a handle on the urge to harm her... With that being said, Marking her thighs for the other demons to see the next day fills him with delight. He gets a genuine kick out of the others having to know He got to her last night. 

But that was for the future. Right now, in the present, he has better goals. He presses his pale lips against her stomach once more, dragging both of his claws up and down her thighs once more as the light trickles of blood and smearing cover them lightly. He mostly did this to be a prick to be frank.  Pulling back from the kiss, he rests his face on her tummy and looks up at her with a semi cutesy wink. 

“Oh, don’t look at me like that~” He coos, blepping again as he reaches one lightly crimson soaked claw up to poke her on the nose. It leaves a light drop of blood on it as he does. “You look so angry right now... It’s really cute, y’know? I love when you look like you wanna hurt, but can’t.” A breathy laugh escapes his lips, and sits up, this time staring down at her once more with a few droplets of drool forming in the corner of his mouth.

“It makes me just wanna... Eat you up, y’know? It makes me wanna bite you and bite you, and bite you until there’s nothing left~~~! Look at what you do to me!” Orias shifts positions a bit, letting his coat fall back onto the bed’s front frame as he leans forward once more. This time, he traces a single claw up and down her belly... Until the tip of said claw, gently hinges on her panties. 

“I’m not so bad, Here, Let me show you how good I can be...” His voice is full of venom and pure lust, mixing together to make a light hiss that sounds all too similar to a snake rather than a person. “My dearest little Bear, I’ll eat you until there’s nothing left, won’t that be swell?” While she’s unable to move, she would be furiously shaking her head in disagreement if she could. Too bad she can’t! He gently pulls down her panties bit by bit, eating up the sight of her panicking face as he does do. It doesn’t take him long to get them off, but he slides them off with ease. It’s quite easy to undress someone that can’t move, y’know?

He spreads her legs just a bit, just enough so that he can expose everything she’d wouldn’t want to be exposed--Ah, quite wet already it appears. He licks his lips at that, so feisty yet she’s sitting here getting this wet? Mara would never understand, it isn’t his fault she gets so worked up that he HAS to do these things. 

She’d thank him later. Even if she’d never admit it.

Getting into position, he hovers his face just a few inches above her pussy, gripping her thighs tightly as he looks up at her from between her legs. His warm, hungry breath causing her to shiver as she felt him get a LITTLE closer than she’d like. Which then causes her breath to explode out of her mouth as she feels the first lick from him--She hadn’t noticed it at first, but the Succubus must have activated his more... Stimulation focused abilities to increase the intensity of the arousal and following stimulation, making each following lick cause her frozen spine to vaguely return to full function with every lick of his.

He’s surprisingly gentle during--His glowing red eyes only staring foggily up at her as he licks away steadily. Her own breathing picks up, growing heavier as she stares down as Orias swapping between long, drawn out licks that she desperately wants to go faster, and quick hungry ones that make it feel like he’s just trying to get her to finish fast as possible. Every now and again he lets go of one of her thighs, and slides a claw in carefully. He has to be most gentle doing this, as a single wrong move could most certainly do harm.

But he’s a Succubus. And he excels most in ensuring he’ll do no harm during these things. After all, pleasure is king. Or perhaps Queen, in this instance.

During the peak of it, he pulls back, breathing heavily on her as he speaks;

“Look at you, you’re a mess right now. And yet you were angry with me?”

“You’re going to cum any second now, aren’t you? Oh you mortals are so hilarious. You hate me yet can’t get enough of me when I indulge you.”

“Isn’t it easier to give in? Doesn’t it feel good? When will you become mine and let me do this to you all the time?”

His degradation and bitchiness hardly phase the poor Bear however, as she’s far too busy covering her face at trying to ignore the pleasure shooting throughout her body. Perhaps he was right, maybe he was wrong. none of that mattered right now. Since she wanted to fucking cum and his stupid voice was getting in the way of that.

“S-Sh... S-Shut.. Up...” She croaks out, refusing to look at him and give him the satisfaction. “J-J-Just... Keep... G-Going...”

Though she doesn’t care to check, she can only imagine he gets that same malice filled smirk on his face. And just as quickly, the pleasure comes back in ways as the long, drawn out, heavy licks come back. Her brain feels like it’s melting to a degree, or perhaps that was from the Estrus wave burning her poor little Bear braincells. Either way, it was a melting pot!

She gets what she wanted, at 3:29AM. After what feels like an eternity, her body can take more, and during a series of incredibly passionate licks, a series of splashes hits Orias’s mouth--A long groan escaping his mouth as it does. He keeps licking even as she breathlessly moans into the ceiling above, refusing to look down at the Succubus. 

A few silent moments follow, with her heart pounding in her chest and his heavy breathing being the only noise filling the room. He sits up, and the sound of pants unbuckling soon follow. She’s too busy being caught up with the post-orgasm brainmelt, but Orias is far from sated. Predators live for the moment their Prey is most vulnerable.

She’s woken up rudely from her haze as she feels the distinct sensation of light penetration--Her eyes shoot down between her legs again, to see him gently rubbing the head of his dick against her pussy. He’s staring up at her, drool oozing down his chin as he does so. The look on his face is much more different, much more... Animalistic. Primal. He wanted more, and he was gonna get it whether she was prepared for his onslaught or not.

“You mortals really are the best~” He says, using one claw to gently keep his dick rubbing while he reached another under her shirt to get a few good gropes of her breasts. “Immortals like me are so boring compared to you, it’s like seeing color for the first time in your life...! I can’t get enough, I need more! More!” He sounds strangely desperate compared to his usual self.

Unable to hold back any longer, he takes aim, and gently pushes himself in--The first few inches causing you both to gasp from the pleasure from feeling each other. He pushes, and pushes, all the way until half of his shaft is inside of the Bear. He stops then, eyes locked with her as he breathes heavier and heavier.

“I’m going to make you mine, You’re going to be mine! I want you all to myself and no one else!” He says, which is quickly followed by the first thirst. It causes all the air to leave your lungs as the intensity begins to smash against your skull again. 

“Mara? Melph or whatever? They don’t matter. Only I matter! I’ll be the only one that matters to you!” The second thrust is deeper this time, he lets out a sharp hiss. 

“You’re going to belong to me, and I’ll make you my favorite Prey! I’ll prey upon you every night for the rest of your life and beyond!” The third thrust causes you both to shiver as he goes deep as he can, he stays there briefly, drooling heavily at the sensation of being Inside of you. Of being Whole with you in the best way possible. Succubus’s live for moments like this.

Your breathing has given way to loud moans, something which only eggs him on further. His pacing picks up, and before long, you’ve regained usage of your body and grip his collar as he pushes in and out of you consistently. You want to punch him, you want to threaten him really, but when the spell is in effect like this, it’s not possible dude. That’s rough.

You’re surprised when he leans in to kiss you through, his tongue battering yours much like how you’d like to batter him in general. You don’t fight it though, and only give in as you feel him push it Deep once more. He consistently keeps up the pace, somehow hitting every single spot you could hope for him to hit--Your brain starts to feel like it’s overloading again, this time feeling the sense of fullness causing you to short out. If your Bear ears could catch on fire, they’d be ablaze right now.

Like all goods things though, they must come to an end... And with this good thing, Orias lets out a sharp breath, pulling back from whatever kisses you had been engaging in, and arches his back lightly as he pushes it deep once more. You feel him pulse quite roughly, causing you to grit your teeth as you feel yourself splash for the final time. He repeats a few more soft thrusts, seemingly not being satisfied with finishing now and here... But eventually, he pulls out, and back, with the oozing mess that is your between legs now forming as he sits up.

You lie back, arm over your face in embarrassment as you try to avoid his gaze. He looks down at you, admiring the state he put you in. He licks the tip of one of his claws as he does so, his tail dancing behind him in excitement.

“Round 1 was so fun... I hope you’re ready for Round 2, my Princess...”

Those words however, cause you to go from flustered, to enraged as you land a kick square on his chest. His lank form goes flying due to your superior Bear strength finally returning in full. 

It is now 3:59AM.

Orias has 1 minutes to escape.

But he doesn’t leave his coat behind. Orias would join dinner that night, with more than one bruise and one swollen eye.

[thedogsled]

Hi guys. I’m going to cautiously title this ‘About Zimbio, Destiel, my personal struggle with the idea of wlw vs. mlm, and why what we achieved in the vote today says a lot about our magnificent fandom’. 

This is a reminder in advance that I make generalizations but I don’t mean any harm by them. I’m happy to discuss this topic and capitulate on some things, because my experience of shows is extremely limited right now (unless I want to watch them in French). Just like Dean I say ‘we’ a lot but please assume sometimes I mean ‘I’, I by no means make any claim to speak for all of the following groups at any point: bisexuals, mlm shippers, wlw shippers, television executives, social media marketers, the mainstream audience, destiel shippers--etc, etc, you get the drift.) If any of the following upsets you, please let me know, it’s not my intent to cause any harm, only reassure my friends that they did a good job.

I promised I was going to write a post on this, because I’ve seen just a little mumbling and unhappiness that Destiel didn’t make it through in the semis. I get it, it’s only natural that it’s going to lead to some hurt feelings, but I wanted to really put across to you all why I say I was proud of us for our semi-final performance, rather than you just take it for granted.

We are an old fandom. Thirteen years is a long time; it makes Supernatural the longest single run fantasy/sci fi series on American TV (and I mean I think it’s unfair to compare it to non American shows like Doctor Who anyway just on pure numbers, especially since Who has gone through thirteen fourteen? fifteen? are we counting radio drama? actors in the lead role; it’s like a different show every time.) So. It’s had a superb run. Fantasy/sci fi shows are typically considered to be niche, not massive hits (comparatively speaking; SPN isn’t Grey’s Anatomy or NCIS I’ll grant). But what networks are finally waking up to is the power of the fandom of those ‘niche’ shows, dedicated viewing power which can grow a network’s brand, particularly online, and networks are eager to wrangle that.

This modern era of television is fandom’s era of television. Netflix are promoting gamification of television watching (even for kids) as well as choose your own adventure style TV. Binging and rewatching box sets is a whole thing now, not just the domain of the “geek”, and shows which can convince people to stick around and watch something instead of moving on when they run out of material--they’re the ones gaining success, while traditional shows slip further and further as they fail to capture new demographics. We’re making strong social media contracts with the creators and actors of our shows, and making it clear to them - in a way that is increasingly being recognized for the opportunity it represents - that there must be give and take with modern audiences, especially if you seek gratification through social media. (I read a great article I reblogged that called it the ‘Brandom’ effect.)

It’s wonderful, and it’s terrifying, because both fans and creators don’t know what to do with it. They can give fans too much power and the show goes off the rails, or deny it to them entirely, and earn only vitriol. Some shows rub their power right in the face of their fans and increasingly they pay for it. Some showrunners are outright incapable of talking to their fans at all without being respectful (I’m looking at you The 100), and some fans are ghastly, aggressive and outright disrespectful in pursuing what they want (it is a different thing showing joy over your ship as it is to dox actors and send their wives hate mail). Some showrunners, instead, are more embracing of their fans, like the Earpers, and if you want an idea of how actors should be engaging with fans, check out David Haydn Jones’ twitter. That man is a saint. It’s a delicate game of mutual respect, and occasional drama, and intent is the name of the game: do you have good intent, is it honest? People crave honesty on the internet where everything and everyone is fake--and that honestly is a tough thing to achieve when studios are too heavily concentrating on their bottom line.

So, this is a changing landscape, like I said, and people are struggling with new marketing techniques, trying to find their place in the world, running into walls when they realize that in fact they don’t understand their queer audience members. When something works, shows are very quick to jump right into it, almost relieved to have evidence that if they do X thing, their fans won’t all jump ship in horror, but here’s the thing, networks are in a lot of ways far slower to respond than shows. If you want to do something, you have to prove to the person holding the purse strings that it’s a profitable endeavor. Producers are set in their ways, especially old school producers, not realizing how quickly the landscape is changing, and writers are fighting against that all the time, because they’re often a lot more in touch with the creative fandoms they’re trying to inspire. Many have come from fandoms themselves. Queer writers should mean more queer storylines, right? But it means fighting money men to make it happen. Oftentimes that leads to the whole ‘one queer ship is enough’ standpoint, and when it comes down to it, those money men are more likely to put stock in safe investments, in proven investments. Consequently, wlw is flourishing because it draws in audiences without losing them. It’s arguably less risky to make Alex Danvers gay than Castiel. It’s more PC, accepted by wider audiences, groundwork laid by Dark Angel and Buffy in my own recent memory. When good results come from featuring those kinds of ships, they appear increasingly on TV, and it’s AWESOME. There were 16 wlw ships in Zimbio March Madness, and 11 of them got through all the way to 8vs8. There were only 2 mlm ships in 8vs8, and 3 het ships. Internet fandom, passionate and social and dedicated? It speaks, and it says ‘More LGBT rep please’.

We’re in a transitional period. Changes are coming, but when you look at the big mlm ships of the last few years, you can see the uphill climb that’s still ahead of us. I spoke with our Hannigram and Johnlock friends last year about what their experience with this was like. (I haven’t spoken to Sterek folks, but I know there’s disappointment from that front too). Johnlock shippers are largely furious about how explicitly the finale no-homoed their ship when there was absolutely no reason to. Having watched the finale myself, I feel like they really went hard against shippers explicitly. Hannigram suffered too. I haven’t finished S3 even now, but what I recall of the conversation went like this: they’re together, but there was a kiss that didn’t make it to air, and then the show was cancelled. In any case, what I’m saying right here is that this is part of a pattern, a theme I’m struggling with, where mlm fans are dispirited and disappointed and feeling disrespected by the very mainstream shows they’re watching.

(Which isn’t, I’ll quickly note, that I’m saying the same isn’t true of wlw audiences. The last two ships in Zimbio this year are non canon ships, and the fans of both have been hurt by the shows they watch, but they still keep coming back and watching the show. Swanqueen is ending, but the pair have been consistently mirrored - dark and light - with the emotional journey of the show largely being made over the shared custody? I don’t know, they changed it every week while I was watching it of Emma’s son. Supercorp is clearly full of eye sex thanks to the actress’ chemistry (and McGrath is so gorgeous she’d have chemistry with a brick wall) and yet has been outright mocked by the show’s cast. If that sounds familiar to Destiel fans, I almost want to say that Supercorp have it worse; just as with Swanqueen, they’re often told simply to shut up because there's already wlw rep on the show.)

But where shows are willing to go there now, diminished risk is the key, especially as resale value of shows reflects multiple, competitive platforms constantly needing to purchase content to fill their airspace. Naked women, women kissing and women having sex - bisexual women who are explicitly still available to men - that sells, but as far as I can tell networks are struggling to sell the same narrative about mlm. Maybe that’s my perspective only, maybe that’s me watching the wrong shows (and not at all because I don’t enjoy looking at women’s bodies, I do, but variety is the spice of life) Look at the outright surprise last year when GOT gave us a beautiful, pus covered, full screen dick. GOT, of course, which is insulated because it is a Number One performer. I present to you, in terms of dicks on screen, American Gods, then. Neil Gaiman is my hero, selling the network on the premise that they could have his great stories if only they were willing to gleefully integrate peen on every episode. Or so I’m told. There’s a lot on my ‘to watch’ list that I haven’t got around to yet. I will tell you, of course, that mlm is out there, Evak were voted out against Supercorp in the quarter finals) but on a big show like Supernatural that risk is exceptional. That’s why when we talk about Destiel ‘going canon’, we make the shockingly ambitious request of them HOLDING HANDS, or mutually saying ‘I love you’, and sometimes feel like expecting anything more, like a kiss, or god forbid a sex scene, is too much to ask. Why? When lesbians and bisexual women are presented on TV, kisses and sex scenes are a matter of course. In Alex’ coming out, in Thirteen’s coming out in House, Angela’s coming out in Bones - huge ensemble shows where main characters, all women, have come out and kissed (and returned to male partners in the case of the later two). (I should point out I am talking about genre “mainstream” shows in general, not for example Queer as Folk, where the primary aim is to explore sexuality, not fight dragons or solve crimes)

Now in addition to this problem, an issue that I’ve seen for years is that from inside the fandom world we are made to feel as though we are somehow obscene or inferior for shipping mlm ships, a projection that comes from the way mainstream folks will react to you if they happen to discover you drawing dudes together. Sometimes we hide our online selves from the real world out of shame that has only built over the years, where it’s considered that supporting mlm ships instead of wlw ships makes you fetishistic, or objectifying of gay men. I’ve seen it in fanfiction spaces and in rp spaces on dw and lj that shipping wlw has been raised to a point of being considered ‘more pure’. If you ‘claim’, they say, to be a queer woman, you should wholly be supporting wlw ships. When I started hearing this dialogue I was THIRTEEN. This was before Willow/Tara. There were just less wlw ships on tv, and there were less female characters whose autonomy didn’t depend on men, or portray them as being fragile, the weakness of their gender or whatever. There were standout female characters in my youth, absolutely, but they were all independent (mostly) straight women: Kathyrn Janeway, Sam Carter, Clarice Starling, Dana Scully. They kicked out against the system, the world they lived in, intelligent and defiant ladies I still idolize. Nowadays, though those wlw ships are available, and populated by so many beautiful, powerful, progressive female characters - and yes miraculously even strong female characters who still embrace their own womanhood. In contrast  mlm ships are not keeping up because, in some way, I think that the ‘impurity’ of shipping mlm has stuck. I struggle to think of even straight non toxic male role models, nevermind male role models who are in engaging, romantic relationships with the same sex. This stagnation of masculinity (apart from the rise of the geek hero which often, as in the case of TBBT, doesn’t break away from inbuilt misogyny) troubles me immensely. (I’m not saying all male characters are awful, incidentally, but it’s not a positive message to outright expose the flaws of toxic masculinity without offering understanding, lessons, and growth. But that’s another essay.)

Trust me, I’m not saying everyone feels that TV is being stacked against mlm, but as a bisexual I really feel fractured by the whole thing. I feel like I’m supposed to loathe myself for shipping mlm, particularly when that mlm ship is ‘two white guys’. The fact that I as a woman enjoy male and female bodies is irrelevant, because one desire is pure, and one desire is fetishism. There is no balance. I’m allowed to be titilated by members of my own gender kissing each other and only that and heterosexuality. As a bisexual who is currently leaning toward wlw myself (sexuality existing on a sliding scale imo), it is the power imbalance in heterosexual couples which puts me off. It’s painfully true to life. I have a particular loathing for Booth and Brennan from Bones, for example, where his toxic masculinity is unilaterally forgiven because it’s true love, while Bones, once independent and stubborn herself, is increasingly nudged further out of character in order to forgive him his trespasses. But when I ship mlm, or write fanfic of my favorite couples, any power I give them is not based on their gender. The same I imagine is true of wlw. (An unfortunate consequence of this is people project it onto real life, where power inequality and abuse can exist regardless of make believe ‘purity’, and consequently people end up believing that something is wrong with them rather than their relationship, similar issues as people face when they imagine marriage is the goal, and everything else is happily ever after, because Disney told them so. In which case I advise you to rewatch Mary Poppins.)

During voting, I was reticent to address why voting for Destiel over the other ships was important to me. It was personal. (Of course anyone could have sent me an ask if they were curious). But why I was voting didn’t matter. It was enough that I was voting for the couple I love, whose relationship my blog is devoted to, and whose love story I hope is resolved. But there is more to it than that. What’s important, I guess, is how I feel about Dean. My reading of him is of a bisexual, still in the closet - perhaps even to himself - in his thirties. He made it out of high school, but that’s it, because he dropped out of higher education for family commitments. He likes rock music and classic cars. He loves pie, and dumb medical TV dramas, and cowboy hats, and riding rodeo bulls and chatting to strangers. He struggles with voicing his true self with people who know him, and might judge him in a way he will never come back from. Dean is basically me. I am all those things. And in this case, he’s in love with a genderfluid (has been both male and female) guardian angel whose love for Dean explicitly and singularly, has been described as a profound bond, and the greatest love story ever told. Castiel’s love for Dean, his willingness to do anything for him, is all I think any of us want from a romantic partner. And yes, we all find different things in our ships, and presumably other people connect with Destiel for reasons that aren’t the same as my own, but that’s okay. My reasons are my reasons.

And yet I am still thrown into that emotional disconnect: that because this couple is an mlm couple I’m wrong to ship it, that I would be better putting my energy into watching shows I don’t necessarily enjoy as much so I can find my representation in more respectable (or potentially less queerbaity) fandoms. That Supernatural isn’t good enough because I’ve been repeatedly told by people inside and outside the fandom that it isn’t good enough. I’ve got to tell you I agree that it struggles with being progressive. While season 3 of Grey’s Anatomy was showing the struggles of a pre-op mtf woman and her wife in an ep that made me actually cry for the dysphoria represented, on the other channel SPN had just got done killing a token ‘woman with an off screen girlfriend’ character. By season 11, we’ve had two gay male couples, both holding hands and leaning into each other to express their relationship. SPN is slow. Nobody in the world would deny that. 

But to be quite honest, also, finding representation doesn’t have to mean ‘a ship’, it can just be a well written bisexual woman with a badge, and you aren’t restrained to just one rep either! In fact, the more the better. I find myself particularly starved for that rep, especially since - having been fetishized for my bisexuality irl before - I see painful reflections of that on television. That’s obviously going to be related to bad writing and TV’s particular way of objectifying women in general, too, but when a woman (say Angela Montenegro from Bones) has a two episodes storyline where she makes out with another insanely attractive actress, the music rising, lit with soft shades, the camera focused in on their mouth--before the plot is forgotten entirely, it is incredibly difficult not to see that as objectification and not bisexual solidarity. I want more mlm on TV because I want more bisexuals of both genders on TV, and because of the harmful insinuation in mainstream thought that a guy who comes out as bi late has somehow been lying to himself and was gay all along, while women who are bi are just exploring their sexuality and somehow more up for it. Those views need to be constantly, constantly challenged, because, honestly, people believe them. (Probably not me or you, but it’s out there).

(As an aside: mainstream is also harsh toward female writers who write mlm stories. There have understandably, as a result, been female writers who chose male pseudonyms to pen their gay romance novels. I first experienced this to a lesser extent back in Gundam Wing fandom, because if you were a ‘male’ author it legitimized you and people would read your stories in preference to those penned by girls. Back then it was a numbers game. The prejudice does remain. Audiences are sometimes outright cold to female authors who pen mlm stories! You need only look at the conversation about boycotting Love, Simon because it was written by a straight woman to appreciate just how deeply we’ve built this disconnect, as though to write something the author must always write from personal experience. If that’s the case, I feel terrible for Thomas Harris and Jeff Lindsay, and JK Rowling (who speaks about choosing her moniker because it was genderless) must certainly have had an exciting childhood, what with all the magic and dragons. 

As a result I think we (or at least I) have internalized some harmful things about who has the right to interpret themselves in stories told about men, or male protagonists. And in lashing back at girls who for years have been doing just that, considering it to be lesser if I find a role model in Dean instead of Angela, we have harmed the integrity of mlm fans themselves, who increasingly struggle under a burden of self imposed guilt. It is reflecting back poorly on mlm performances, even as wlw stories flourish. In this raising the pedestal of wlw purity, the ‘ethical’ alternative, we dismiss what people can learn about themselves from male role models too, something that we instead encourage if it’s a teenage boy finding a role model in Elsa. My closeted bi self loving Dean Winchester harms nobody, but I am still made to feel lesser for doing so, even if sometimes that feeling is ridiculously self imposed. Hell, maybe I’m alone in this feeling and the rest of this is bullshit, but that’s why I said ‘I vs we’ was definitely a part of this commentary.

In any case, this is what I think this means to the Zimbio vote: As wlw rep has been increasing, mlm has been facing a disappointing deficit. Those once big fandom movers ‘Superwholock’, the Hannigrams, the Sterek shippers--have fractured and splintered off. Destiel has come in waves but it’s still somehow here, without its original opponents from back in the day. It’s here, even with setbacks after season 8 and 10 that had fans breaking away from Supernatural entirely. Optimism now reflects optimism felt before, but let’s face it Castiel was killed permanently at one point, and Bob Singer said outright, even just a few years ago, that Destiel and social media stuff just didn’t come up in the writing room (pr is not showrunning, etc). People are hugely entitled to struggle with optimism for non canon mlm ships because history repeats itself. Add into that feelings like I described above, and the struggle is real. It can sometimes feel like you’re fandom’s three legged, one eyed donkey.

Add to that how old Destiel is. Every fandom coming into existence now, every ship built around, comes into contact with Destiel at some point. If you type ‘queerbaiting’ into Wikipedia, our ship is cited. In Google, we come up first. Thanks to antis (and some genuinely bad behavior from bad apple shippers over the years) we’ve earned a reputation, and it moves before us into every ship interaction we have. Because of that, we can appear both intimidating and as something to be avoided, because ‘what if you meet a crazy one’? You’d think seniority would be a good thing, but few people see us as a ship that’s been there and done that, as they do Swanqueen. We aren’t the ship that can perhaps offer advice on things going on in whippersnapper fandoms based on our experiences, as it would be in an ideal world. We’re not a ship to be aligned with, and because of this odd perception of wlw vs. mlm, there was simply never any potential that support for Supercorp wasn’t going to skyrocket. It was a fight against ‘That monolithic mlm ship that just won’t stop’, as it were, because here we still are hanging onto threads hoping our ship will go canon, and based on past evidence, the fall of other mlm ships, and only looking in from the outside, that seems like wishful thinking.

So we were unlikely to gain allies from heartbroken mlm fandoms. We were unlikely to find allies in wlw fandoms. It’s sad, of course, because for all the talk of representation in media, the desire to express a balance and cheerlead for mlm, imo an obvious representation underdog, simply doesn’t ever come up. Our friends and relatives roll our eyes at us if we talk about Destiel because we get that ridiculous light in our eyes when we do. Ultimately, that meant that Destiel was on its own. It had to unify. It had to pour its passion into voting and be a family again. It’s been knocked out in previous years - honestly based on what I’ve heard it’s been a disaster - but THIS YEAR we pulled out all the stops. That was all us. Despite antivoting, Destiel shippers - and only Destiel shippers - fought and fought - thousands of votes after thousands of votes, as we made small leads only to slip three times further. We didn’t stop. We were there and fighting right up until the end. And it may just have been a silly online poll, but I think it really goes to show what we can do when we put our hearts into it. We more than doubled the amount of votes cast in the previous round, over the exact same time scale, even though Supercorp fought back with everything they had, all the vibrancy of being a fresh, shunned ship determined to prove themselves, using social media strategy and unity to bring in votes from wherever they could get them. They fought well. They were wiley and smart, and so passionate; passionate like I thought I’d forgotten how to be.

And we kept fighting. We were in the semis, with twice as many votes more than Swanqueen, and we fought tooth and nail and almost got there, slipping just in the last half hour.

I have to believe that that’s because some people in the Destiel family have hope. I know we’ve drawn in a lot of new and returning shippers recently, I’ve seen you following me and starting out in meta writing yourselves, joining Destiel exchanges for the first time, sharing your first codas. The DCBB and Pinefest have had ENORMOUS turnouts. We are, despite all odds, growing as a ship again. 

I really hope that we can overcome the shame that has somehow been drummed into us for shipping mlm. I hope that we can all, whether we ship wlw, mlm, het or poly or whatever peeps are doing these days, make sure not to raise one as an ideal over the others, because it’s not in the spirit of family, of fandom. It is never ‘us against them’, it’s never a case of moral or ethical superiority, definitely not even in everyday parlance and least of all in a shipping popularity contest.

And maybe despite the risk, we’ll get an ‘I love you’, some hand holding. Hell, maybe even a kiss (Supernatural never even gave us a kiss between Jesse and Cesar, though, so I have my doubts.) But God if that wouldn’t pave the way for better deconstruction of toxic masculinity on genre TV, more presence of bisexual men and gay men on genre TV, and more men kissing and open expression of sexuality on genre TV. 

So here’s my final word. Maybe the bunnies will kiss. Maybe they’ll even do what bunnies do, who knows? And maybe next year we’ll win it.

I hope I didn’t step on any toes with this post. I felt like these words needed to come out of me, though, so here they are. Thank God there’s no more Zimbio until next year, right? Please refer back to my first paragraph for disclaimers. Thanks, though, if you read this far.