#and anyway it's not like anyone who ought to see this will actually see it

[arueshalaetablebuildingsociety]

Incorrect. For a couple reasons:

1. Less than half of Americans who could vote, voted.

2. It's not how Kamala ran her campaign. It's how She and Biden wasted their incumbency doing nothing.

3. Trump had 2-3 million LESS people vote for him than in 2016. The fact that Kamala had 14-16 Million less people vote for her is not indicative of a "swing right"; simple math says that Trump's numbers would have to be positive for that to begin to be the case.

4. The Democrats took NO steps to head-off Trump or Project 2025. There are a lot of things they could have done, COULD STILL DO, to make that as difficult as possible. Enshrining Trans Protections in Federal Law. Creating a law establishing an agency that exists to ensure Women maintain the right to Abortions, with mandatory budget allocation. Creating a law requiring all accused Undocumented Immigrants be afforded full Constitutional Protections, that they are tried individually, and ICE has to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are truly here illegally, knowingly and by choice. But they didn't. They wanted to tie all of that to a Democratic 2024, meaning that they saw a murderer wielding a gun labelled "Project 2025", and instead of stopping him, they whispered to us, "You know, if you keep voting Democrat, we'll keep him away from you."

5. If your Incumbent Party bungles an election against Trump, that is not a failure of the voters, it's a failure of the Party.

What did Democrats do to challenge the insane levels of power-grabbing from the Supreme Court? Well, they granted SCOTUS Justices extra Secret Service protections, of course!

What did Democrats do about the fact that the average rent in EVERY State is more than the average monthly wage? Did they introduce price controls? Renter protections? No. The FBI raided one office and then seemingly did nothing. This is not a new problem, and the Democrats have had four years with a solid, if not unshakable, Congressional control to do so.

What did Democrats do about the fact that a hurricane destroyed western NC? Did they send National Guard to establish Rationing, to ensure that people still had access to basic needs? No, they sent cops to threaten to beat anyone who wanted the food and water in the stores which had no power so all of that was going to go bad anyway.

What did Democrats do about the fact that Climate Change looms above all of us as a loaded gun pressed against the head of the Human species? Did they reactivate Nuclear Powerplants to create a massive source of emissions-free, too-cheap-to-meter electrical power, forcing Oil and Coal to break up their market hegemony? No, they decided those plants would EXCLUSIVELY go to AI datacenters so we could make really good pictures of Shrimp Jesus amidst all the intensifying mass digital surveillance.

What did Democrats do about the fact that we are currently embroiled in two major wars, one of which is deeply wrong and deeply unpopular? Did they pressure the aggressor, who is reliant on American-made weapons and technologies as a majority of their stockpiles, to back the fuck off? No, they made patronising statements to the media and

then sent Bill Clinton to go tell Lebanese Americans how it was good that Israel was bombing Lebanon and Gaza, actually, and they ought to be thankful.

Jesus fucking Christ, this isn't about Kamala's advertising like she's a commercial on TV. It's about the people who are sick and dying because Neoliberal Economics refuses to recognize they exist as long as GDP Go Up, Mr. Bond.

Remember when Biden arbitrarily decided Covid was over? I do! Is it over? No! People still are contracting it, getting sick, and dying from it. I see those people when they come to pick up their suddenly-much-more-expensive Paxlovid. I've seen people who can't afford it and break down crying because they don't know if they will live through their next paycheck.

[chalkrevelations]

There are four reasons I will block you on Tumblr:

1) You’re a Nazi.

2) You’re a pornbot.

3) You’re a Jiang Cheng anti with poor reading comprehension and way too much time on your hands to junk up the tag.

4) You’re a demonstrated abuse enabler who helped destroy a man’s life and career by making a mockery of the deadly issue of intimate partner violence because you A) wanted ammunition for your petty, puerile shipwar and/or B) wanted an excuse to indulge your cruelty and viciousness in a hypocritical effort to feel morally superior even as your actions gave the lie to your insistence that “no one deserves to be abused” and “victims don’t have to be perfect.”

I might have more to say about that last one, at some point this weekend. Things have been too busy for me to say much so far this week, but I’m still jacked up to 10, and I’m not ready to make nice, as the lady once said.

[quietwingsinthesky]

I think the nature of Clara haterism on Tumblr can’t be fully understood without the historical context of 2013. Namely that by the time of DW season 7b Moffat was widely hailed as The Bogeyman Of All Misogyny Ever. Clara was considered THE prototypical Shallow Moffat Girl, and she became a sort of figurehead for everything wrong with the show. (Bc everyone was maybe 14 and Smith was too beloved to insult.) Consequently, she evokes a kneejerk bad faith reading response in many users even today.

yeah, alright, i can see that. i am surprised that, at least as far as i’ve seen, amy & river don’t get the same treatment? or if they did, it hasn’t persisted half as long as opinions on clara have. Because having now seen how all three of them were written, amy got treated. so much worse with The Misogyny™️, and River bounces between ‘actually a fascinating character’ and ‘moffat wrote a sexy girlboss who wants to fuck the doctor’ so hard it gives me whiplash. (and i say this as a River enjoyer, I love her and she deserves so much better lmao.)

Of the three of them, I think Clara actually comes out a lot better written overall? She’s allowed more space to be a character rather than be a woman, if that makes sense. Sure, bit of a rocky start in s7, and I can certainly see why the Impossible Girl thing could be aggravating to some people. (I think it was. Fine. fantastic episode conceptually that sort of fell apart when it came to actually doing anything.) but Clara in s8 (and the start of s9) is fantastic. Her relationship with Danny and the Doctor is messy and deceptive and so understandable. “Listen” as an episode almost felt like ‘hey what if the clara putting herself in the doctor’s past was actually interesting and impacted him’. Her becoming more like the Doctor, especially after losing Danny, both as an effort to hold on tight to the only person she perceives as keeping her moving forward and giving her a purpose AND because to her, the Doctor is able to lose so much and not be destroyed by it and she wants that (without really understanding just how much this life is fucking him up, too.), is just. fantastic.

where was i going with this. i have no idea. my point, i think, is: i guess i can see how initial reactions to clara might color a less than flattering picture of the rest of her, but :( consider: i love her so so much and everyone should be niceys to her.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

already thinking "and by 'religious' really i mean 'christian'" re: how the term "religion" is not really useful when it's largely like, from a christian perspective, what is considered "equivalent" of christianity, see: perhaps a "rival"/obstacle to some person or group being considered christian....and even if not thinking about converting anyone, resulting in some at best misinterpretation / misrepresentation based on framing it through/as [element of christianity] and limiting of any more accurate language

like how tumblr recommends me a post about someone thinking about "religion" in general and concluding that it's Weird and perhaps Wrong for anyone who is a "true believer" in their religion(tm) to Not be proselytizing / trying to Convert everyone. like yeah why isn't everyone being an evangelical christian, they ought to be, benevolently informing all those around them that they're going to hell, otherwise. don't see any problem with this conclusion, or that someone's getting antisemitic in the notes already in agreement, or that That's Not How This Works and you don't just know how All "Religion" works based on considering it to be an alternate version of christianity (which in itself doesn't All work like that either)

[gremlinandy]

…

[bokettochild]

Linked Universe Enterence p.3

Okay! So I have thoughts!!!!

First off, does anyone remember when JoJo shared those first snippets? How there was a fun little detail that suddenly disappeared when the comic actually became more than doodles?

Yeah, I'm talking about this guy

(Not the grouchy old man being offended, the owl LOL)

I know there's a chance I'm wrong, a big one at that, but I think it would be really cool if, if only for a short while, JoJo brought him back, even if it's just for this era of Hyrule. Let Time have his owl buddy!

Anyways, to the actual comic!

I noticed that the boys are all still together, so I'm guessing they're waiting until they come to a cross-roads to actually split up like Four advised last time. So we have that to look forwards to in the coming updates!

I love that she's really highlighting the similarities and differences in this arc, showing us who knows what and what they've done, but also the little things; both with owls and the antifairy!

I adore the Owlan reference/appearance!

And Time immediately agreeing about the "long, drawn out lectures part" made me laugh. (His expression, my Hylia!!!)

That is the face of a man who kept accidentally asking to "hear it again" and regrets it with every bone of his being LOL

It's good to see more call backs to the last comics too! Having Hyrule be wary of the statue because he remembers seeing it before, and Warriors agreeing, but also reminding that it didn't cause harm. The fact that Hyrule keeps his sword pointed at it though, wary, does say a lot about how cautious he's being all the same (Wild ought to take notes)

And of course this whole panel

Twilight's awkwardly trying to assure the rest without spilling the secret, Sky laughing and turning to look at Legend, and the fact that the vet is just so entirely done with even just the thought of being a rabbit. (I love his face, omgosh).

Te way I screamed "anti-fairy!" when I saw this, and then was so, so delighted that Legend and I had the same thought (I am unwell about this man).

I'm equally unwell about the fact that Legend just has to say "ouch" (which you only say at inconveniences and not real, actual hurts) and immediately everyone's turning, weapons out and ready to help him face...whatever. Like, he's fine, guys, but it's sweet you care (now Legend, please take note and realize you belong, you idiot)

Love that Time hears "fairy" and immediately is all ears. All the more so at the "anti" part. Man was raised by fairies and he absolutely doesn't like the idea of something that would hurt them.

Meanwhile Legend is just being freaking Haku (Spirited Away) over here!

Tell me you don't see it!!!!!!

Also, his casual use of magic to purify something, to just make it no longer a threat, rather than hurting it. That need to save EVERYONE is really showing through here, huh?

And immediately, everyone is shocked that he did that, but also what it means about fairies. About dark magic. But Time and Wars especially!

Gosh, just Legend's little worried face and Time's offense at the idea of fairies being corrupted and harmed. Shows a bit about them here too I think. Time is maybe slightly obsessed with fairies (reasonably so) and hates them being harmed, but he shows his worry on the matter in anger. legend, meanwhile, becomes more sombre, quieter: it bothers him too (maybe reminds him of a certain predecessor?)

Get this man a tiara, he's a freaking Disney Princess over here, good grief!!!! He's carrying fairy food on what? The slim chance he has time to stop and feed them? Honestly, i know he's probably as attached to fairies as Time (although with a healthier relationship with them), but this is just too cute. this man is going to be the death of me!!!

Anyways, here's the bonuses!!!!

SUN APPEARANCE!!!!!!!! We have a canon Sun appearance!!!!! Like, sure, sleepy student Sky, but it's SUN!!!!

This smile. Oh my gosh I adore him. He's just so glad he got to help the corrupted little one become normal again.

JoJo was having fun with Four I see LOL

Man really said "hang on, let me check my purse, I think I have snacks in here"

Freaking Mom Coded

[moonlightcycle571]

My Take On Evil Captain Marvel / Shazam / Shazamily

In an AU where all the heroes are villains, and all the villains are heroes, I like to think Captain Marvel is like the Poison Ivy but for the Magical Community.

So we all know Captain Marvel is the Champion of Magic, and as such he has duties, be it a hero or a villain. Now picture this:

Homeless Billy Batson, fresh out of being struck by a Magic Lighting, gets taken in by the magical community (be it the fae, a witches coven, magical creatures, or smt). He develops a love for the mystic realm and is thus more active as Champion. They have shown more love and kindness than any human ever has, and eventually sees himself as a magical being / well of magic more than he sees himself as human.

But then, tragedy, and he sees people hunting down members of his beloved community for the sole reason that they have magic. They see creatures under HIS domaine being captured and sold in the black market. He sees butchered remains and fur of his friends being hung as trophies.

So seeing as that there are NO magical protection laws, and knows deep down that Adults Cannot Be Trusted (if his time on the streets taught him anything, it’s that), he takes matters into his own hands.

He hunts the hunters for fun. He rips apart ANYONE who DARES hurt those under his protection. He destroys countries who normalises the destruction of the mystic. He sends plagues and lighting. Those so called ‘Heroes’ who try to stop him aren’t any better, for they stop him from doing his Duty as The Champion.

He gets noticed by a group of individuals who wish to recruit him (evil JL). He joins, not because he actually cares about their goals, but they promised to leave anything magic alone, and even help him take down his adversaries. Morality is something he has long given up on.

The Gods don’t care either. From their point of view, humanity has long forsaken them, and makes a point to destroy what they have created. Hecate is especially supportive, she created most of the magical creatures, of course she has a fondness for them.

Mary, Freddy, Tawny (who in this au might be a creature that Captain saved) and the rest of the Shazamily join in, as they too much prefer magic over humans. Maybe in this au, they were put into more abusive environments.

Fawcette becomes the center of the magical world, and is known as the most protected place if you are of the mystic.

It’s a shame that cursed Black Adam did not join them, his time trapped made him soft, and developed a fondness for people (it’s what his son would have wanted). And really, he ought to get over Kahndaq. Sure, they destroyed the country, but they had it coming! They were trapping a bunch of Gods!

Anyways, this is just me rambling. I might make a part 2 if the inspiration comes to me.

[hoshiina]

pairing: narumi gen x gn!reader (no prns)

summary: he's always thought that anyone would do if he just wanted to find love but he realizes you're the one he wishes for, inspired by pop song by yonezu kenshi

warnings: some profanities from narumi

wc: 1300

Narumi Gen hated a lot of things, but one of his least favourites of all time was "true love". He despised when people would describe their love for another as "true love". It couldn't possibly be that serious. Just say you loved your partner. That was probably the extent feelings got to anyways— you just so happened to like each other at the same time. To him that was plenty of a feat alone, why would you have to make it sound like more than it is? For the sake of love? Ridiculous.

To him, that was truly all love was. If there was someone who liked him when he happened to like them too, that was enough. No need for years of pining, no need to get attached to some unrequited love. All that noise about love and destiny surely wasn't all that necessary.

Now, this wasn't to say that he didn't wish to find love— because he did. Like any other person, he truly wished to be loved. It was just that what he had in mind wasn't some deep pure love that'd last forever, nor was it a promise for eternity. He just wished for a light-hearted "I love you" here and there with someone he found special.

And for that, anyone would do. He'd find someone who fancied him along the way, and hopefully he'd like them back. That was all there was to it.

This meant his plan for finding his partner was sitting around and waiting. As horribly lame as that sounded, because he was Narumi Gen, this wasn't that hopeless of a plan. So, that's what he did. He'd go around saving people and doing his duties (to the absolute bare minimum) while making sure he was constantly trending, hoping that one day, someone would like him.

Today he was standing around for a solid five extra minutes after he defeated the honju with ease, hoping the media would snap some nice pictures of him, or he'd finally charm someone this time.

"Captain, you ought to stop that," you said. "It's rather embarrassing, you look desperate now."

"Oh, would you shut up," he said. "You're ruining my good name!"

You snorted. "What good name," you scoffed.

"I'm starting to think its your fault I'm not charming anyone. Perhaps if you didn't stop me every time, someone would have found me by now," he said.

"Yeah, right. Captain Ashiro seems to be having no issues charming people and I've never seen her try to," you said.

"You little shit," he said.

"Besides they're going to be utterly disappointed if they think this is what you're like and then they find out what you're… actually like," you said, and he was starting to think you wanted him to fire you. "It's okay. Someone will see how you're actually lovely at times soon."

"What?" he asked, shocked by what you said.

"What?" you replied, confused.

"You— you said lovely," he said quietly. Suddenly he felt flustered.

"Oh," you said, looking away and avoiding eye contact. It wasn't like you didn't mean to say that, but you didn't think it was that big of a deal. Rather, how flustered he sounded took you by surprise. “Well, you’re a little lame but you’re a good guy. Like you pretend you only do it for the media, but I know you’re always checking the alleyways that don’t have as much surveillance just in case, and checking alleyways isn’t something a captain has to do. And we both know the media isn’t writing about anything you do there. Things like that.”

“You never know!” he said, and you snorted.

“Alright then,” you said. “You do you, Captain.”

“I will!” he said back, trying to sound proud.

A week had passed and here he was, doing what he always did after arriving fashionably late to the scene and taking all the kaiju out in a matter of minutes: standing around trying to look good. Because he wanted love, and anyone would do. Anyone who liked him was supposed to do.

...

And yet he wished for you.

He wished that when he woke up, the first thing he would see was you. He wished that you'd smile at him everyday with love and genuine joy the way you did to others, and he wished that you’d smile that way to him alone. He wished that after a long day, he was the one you came home to. He wished from the bottom of his heart that you would always be safe and no harm would ever come your way. He wished that your days were filled with laughter and smiles and he knew he would risk his life to protect that.

It was so unlike him in a way he absolutely hated. True love was supposed to be nonsense and someone being ‘the one’ was supposed to be some dramatic line in a movie. It upset him, that he was so utterly fond of you. Yet, no matter how much it upset him, it didn't change the fact that he was, and he couldn't deny it anymore after trying to ignore it for the full week.

So here he was, acting stupid again, hoping that you’d scold him again or tell him he’s embarrassing himself, because that’s what it’s come down to. He just wanted another reason to talk to you.

But you wouldn’t come to stop him after 10 whole minutes.

“Why aren’t you stopping me?” he asked, irritated.

“Pardon?” you asked, utterly confused.

“Why aren’t you telling me to stop?” he asked again. He was aware how silly he sounded, but he was pissed off that you meant so much to him so he had to take it out on you.

“Because you told me to stop last time??” you replied. “I thought you were going to keep this up until you found yourself a partner.”

“You’re the one who told me to find someone that saw how I was…. lovely…. at times,” he said, but said the lovely very quietly. Remembering that you had described him as lovely made his cheeks burn and he’d rather die than let you see that.

“I mean, yeah. I do think you should,” you said.

“Don’t you notice, though?” he asked quietly, avoiding eye contact. There was a moment of silence.

“I do,” you said, and immediately he looked up to face you. You had a grin on your face and you looked so proud— you looked like you had won a game. Oh, how he hated you.

“You’re so annoying,” he said, and you raised an eyebrow.

“Rich coming from you,” you said.

“So, do you—,” he started to yell before cutting himself off. Carefully, he tried again. “Would you please… uh… be mine…?”

Oh, this is so embarrassing, he thought. Perhaps you’d laugh at him, but he wanted to do this properly, or at the very least try to. He’d be far more than just stupid to mess this up now. He was finally in love.

But your laughter never came. When he looked up your eyes were wide and you looked so flustered, but soon you had the most beautiful smile on your face.

“I would absolutely love to,” you said.

So he kissed you right then and there, because there was nothing he wanted to do more at the moment.

He laughed a little.

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

“No, nothing,” he said.

There was no way just anyone would do— it had to be you.

[curseofaphrodite]

PRE-OWNED RECORDS

Sirius Black x muggle!reader || fluff

summary: the time Sirius sneaked away from Hogwarts to see you.

The thrift store looked as cozy as ever, which was the obvious effect of a place filled with things that people had previously loved. The crooked statues and trinkets near the door, the sound of a Little Richard record playing somewhere behind the back, the huge stack of battered old books — all of them made you excited like the very first time you stepped inside.

You looked at the boy you came with and saw a gleam in his eyes that you haven't ever seen before.

"Pretty, isn't it?" you asked, taking a brown butterfly hairclip from the basket near him. Sirius still hasn't finished taking in the shop's eccentrics.

"It's so cool," he said in awe.

You laughed. You could see why he'd be so surprised. Sirius Black had been homeschooled all his life, or that's what he says anyway. All you know is that your strange, rich, pretty neighbour never comes out of his house unless it's the holiday season. When you ask him about it, he says his mother is old-fashioned and traditional. You hadn't understood what he meant until you saw her once yourself. From her attire to her cold glare, that particular cameo still gave you shudders.

Even the times you do see him, he's covered in leaves and dirt, as if he climbed down the window without anyone seeing. Sometimes you wonder if you ought to get him legal help to get him emancipated. But he never looked physically harmed, but he never looked completely okay either.

Str̥angely enough, your holiday friend wasn't out on a holiday though. This visit was right in the middle of the school year. When asked about it, he said something about apparition or desperation that you just decided not to ask further. He looked particularly worn out that day, so you decided to take him to somewhere he'd never been before, which happened to be a very long list. The thrift store was close, so that's the story of how he ended up gawking at the records beside you.

"Who's your favorite?" you asked, actually curious. Apart from his unusual attire and confused looks when you mention anything from music, you haven't had the faintest clue as to who he even listened to.

"Stubby Boardman?"

You blinked. "Uhm, you mean Buddy Holly?"

"Yeah, sure." Sirius looked more interested in the records before him. He brushed past the unorganized stack with a faraway look in his eyes. He then turned to you questioningly. You jumped a little and looked away because you realized you might have been staring a little too much at him.

"Look at this!" You were thankfully saved by the orange and red album in front of you. You reached for it gleefully, making a happy sound. "I've been looking for this edition for such a long time! Oh, I can't believe they have it!"

"Are they any good?" he asked, matching your level of excitement.

"The best," you sighed, hugging it closer.

This particularly sweet moment was cut short when you heard a small commotion at the front of the store.

Sirius's face showed immediate panic. "I knew that cat looked familiar!" He said, rushing to the cashier's area.

"The cat?" you blinked in confusion, then followed him.

A woman stood in the spot, wearing the biggest black hat you'd ever seen. She had small spectacles and smart, shrewd eyes behind them. She looked exhaustingly mad, as if she'd been in plenty of situations like this before.

"I'm still learning the ropes of apparition?" Sirius tried, smiling meekly. "I've no clue how I've ended up here."

"Mr. Black, you've excelled in apparition and rest assured, even the most horrible student wouldn't end up hundreds of miles away from where they are. I'm sorry to interrupt your date but you're coming with me right this instant!"

"Who is this?" you asked. The woman turned her gaze on you, and the wheels seemed to turn in her head.

"Let's go," she said more sharply.

"I enrolled in a boarding school?" Sirius directed the answer at you, though it sounded more like a lame excuse. The woman did not look happy to be ignored. "I've to go now but I'll explain everything when I'm back okay?"

"No, you won't!" the woman said shrilly.

"I'm sorry but you all have to leave," the cashier said, looking like she's had enough. "We don't have squabbles inside the store."

Sirius looked a tiny bit sad. Being unofficially thrown out of the store was not how you thought how the day would go, but you sighed and walked out anyways.

Your phone rang. It was your father, asking you to pick up the groceries on your wy back. By the time you hung up, both Sirius and the lady was nowhere to be seen.

----------------------------------

"You're young and that's a fancy word for naive," Minerva said, walking or slightly running down the hall. Sirius struggled to keep up.

"She's going to understand."

She stopped in her tracks and Sirius almost crashed into her.

"That's not what I meant. How do you think your mother would take the fact that you're friends with a muggle? Let alone more than friends?"

Sirius blushed. "There's not more—"

"Oh, I'm not stupid. But that's not what this is about either. You're bringing her to her doom if you keep visiting her under Walburga's nose."

"She's all I have at that place!"

"That's not true. There's a person in your own house who needs you, but you seem to forget that."

"Regulus is like the rest of them. He's not who he was," Sirius said promptly. His words were harder than before. "If you doubt it, look for the mark in his arm."

Without waiting for her reply, he stormed away. To hell with the detentions, he thought. I have to do one more thing back in my town.

----------------------

The next morning, the first thing you thought of while waking up was the boy with dark long curls and brown pretty eyes. You wondered if you dreamt him up.

There was a part of you that wanted to be mad that he left without a goodbye, but you actually didn't mind. Something said he'd be back soon enough.

"Hey kiddo," your dad knocked on your door and walked in, holding something familiar in his hands. "Someone left this at the door. Must be for you."

You gasped, grabbing the red and orange record from his hands.

"How—?"

"There was no note." He shook his head. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you have a secret admirer. Now come down to the kitchen, we made pancakes."

"I'll be right there," you mumbled, examining the album once again. Once he left the room, you immediately went to the player.

While you took out the record, you noted something eerily familiar to dog hair sticking on the sides.

THE END

------------------------------------

masterlist | KOFI | commissions

[solarmorrigan]

Movie Nights

For the @steddie-spooktober day 25 prompt: Frankenstein Friday Rated: T | Words: 1514 | CW: None | Tags: established relationship, outsider POV, I know the movie is over 90 years old but I didn't actually watch it myself until a month ago, so just in case there's anyone else out there who hasn't seen it, Frankenstein (1931) spoilers Divider credit: @steddiecameraroll-graphics

Part 3 of the Good Neighbors series

Gladys can appreciate new things. Books, television, music – the little joys to be found in new discoveries are what make life worth living. She isn’t as set in her ways as some people her age can be, but she does have her favorites.

She loves her mysteries and her thrillers above all else; the likes of Agatha Christie, Elizabeth Peters, and Arthur Conan Doyle line her shelves. She’s dipped into the genre of spies and intrigue, digging into Ian Fleming and John Le Carré. She’s even been known to appreciate a good horror film now and then.

Emphasis on “good.”

“So this is what passes for horror these days?” Gladys asks as a young man on the TV screen is sucked down into his bed, only to be spat back out as an absolute geyser of blood.

Eddie chuckles, glancing up from the screen. “Not your cup of tea?”

Gladys leans on the back of the couch, resting her arms there. She’d only come over to the boys’ apartment to see if they had a spare baking dish she could borrow; they certainly hadn’t invited her in to critique their choice of entertainment. But all the same–

“I just think they should try a little harder to really scare people. These days, it’s all shock and gore. All they have to do is shower people in blood and call it a day,” Gladys says. “I remember a time when they put real effort in.”

“Back in your day?” Eddie teases, grinning at her.

Gladys tsks, cuffing him upside the head – not hard, barely more than a tap, but he still falls sideways onto the couch with a gasp, clutching his head, and then rolls right off and onto the floor with a thump. Gladys rolls her eyes, but doesn’t bother to hide her smile at his antics.

“Hey, will this work for–” Steve exits the kitchen, a glass baking dish in his hands, and stops as his attention is almost immediately diverted to Eddie. “Why are you on the floor?”

“Gladys attacked me,” Eddie replies.

“Oh. Good for her,” Steve decides, holding up the dish again. “Will this work for you?”

“That would be fine,” Gladys says, accepting it as Steve passes it over.

“She also thinks my movie is trash,” Eddie says brightly as he levers himself back up onto the couch.

“I did not say it was trash,” Gladys says. “At worst, I said it was cheap.”

“Okay, but that’s not better,” Eddie says.

“I’m not a huge fan, either,” Steve leans in to stage whisper to Gladys, “but it makes him happy.”

“Yeah, yeah, everyone’s a critic.” Eddie rolls his eyes, then leans back a bit so he can look up at Gladys. “What would you call a good horror movie, if not the genius of Wes Craven?”

Gladys purses her lips, thinking for a moment. “I don’t suppose you’ve ever seen the classics? Dracula, The Creature from the Black Lagoon?”

Eddie lets out a thoughtful little noise, shaking his head. “Can’t say I have.”

“Well, you ought to. You’ll see where it all began, then,” Gladys says.

“And I get the feeling you’d enjoy showing us,” Eddie says, wiggling his eyebrows up at Gladys.

“’Us’? Who’s ‘us’? When did I get roped into this?” Steve asks, and Eddie reaches out to take one of his hands.

“We’re a package deal, baby, everyone knows that,” Eddie says.

“No one around here but Gladys knows that,” Steve reminds him.

“Everyone important knows that,” Eddie amends. “Anyway, what do you say, Gladys? Feel like educating a couple of horror philistines such as ourselves?”

“Well,” Gladys says slowly, “I’m sure I could come up with something.”

This is how she ends up in her armchair the following Friday night, the boys both sitting on the loveseat, all watching as the audience is warned of the frightening nature of the upcoming film playing out on the television.

“Now, this wasn’t Universal’s first horror film, and it wasn’t even the first movie adaptation of Frankenstein,” Gladys says when the opening credits come on, “but it is a bit iconic. I thought you might get a kick out of it.”

“But is it scary?” Eddie teases.

“Well, I don’t know about scary, but maybe a bit shocking. Look at it this way:” Gladys says, “it was 1931. Graverobbing and murder might seem mundane to you, but we weren’t quite as desensitized to seeing it on the screen back then.”

Steve glances over at her. “Do you remember when this came out?”

“Oh, barely.” Gladys wiggles her hand back and forth in a so-so gesture. “I certainly didn’t go to see it in the theater, I was only six or seven at the time.”

“Still, that’s pretty cool,” Steve says, and Gladys favors him with a smile.

If they aren’t altogether horrified by the movie, the boys are at least engaged, keeping up a running commentary that has even Gladys laughing. (“He had that coming,” Steve says when the monster finally catches Frankenstein’s assistant. “Yep. Rest in pieces, Fritz,” Eddie adds.) However, as they reach the midway point, the father onscreen bidding his daughter to go play with her cat while he works, Steve shifts uneasily in his seat.

“Wait, they’re not going to do anything to the cat, are they?” he asks, cutting a worried glance at Gladys.

As if the thought hadn’t occurred to him until Steve voiced it, Eddie sits up straight in his own seat. “Gladys,” he says, pointing an accusing finger at the screen, “you’re not showing us a movie where they kill a cat, are you?”

One brow raised, Gladys regards the pair of them. “You’re worried about the cat, but not the child?”

Steve scoffs. “It’s 1931, they’re not gonna kill a kid,” he says, while Eddie nods in agreement.

Both brows raised now, Gladys only gives them a little “hm,” and turns back to the screen. With some suspicion, Eddie and Steve do the same, watching as the scene unfolds.

“Oh, shit,” Steve says, taken aback as the monster tosses the little girl into the lake.

“Damn. Guess we should’ve worried about the kid, after all,” Eddie says.

“You have to have some idea of how this movie ends,” Gladys says, shaking her head. “Did you really think they’d form an angry mob over a dead cat?”

“I would,” Eddie declares, then looks down at Steve, who at some point in the last half hour had ended up tucked into Eddie’s side (when, Gladys isn’t sure, but it’s sweet; it’s a pleasant feeling knowing how comfortable the two of them are here). “Steve, would you form an angry mob with me if someone killed our cat?”

“We don’t have a cat,” Steve says.

“That’s not the point,” Eddie insists, and Steve relents.

“I would come with you if only to make sure you didn’t get yourself killed,” he decides.

“I’ll take it,” Eddie says with a shrug.

The rest of the movie plays out on the screen – the forming of the mob, the confrontation with the monster, the burning windmill, and, at last, the peaceful conclusion.

“Wait,” Eddie says, brows furrowed as he watches the end credits play, “that’s it? That’s how it ends? A toast to the house of Frankenstein, the end?”

“Yes…” Gladys says slowly. “Why? How should it end?”

“Oh, I don’t know, how about a little restitution for the guy whose daughter got murdered?” Eddie demands, shooting up out of his seat so quickly that Steve has no time to brace himself and falls sideways onto the loveseat with a little ‘oof.’ “How about a little accountability? I mean, seriously, this is just typical; some rich, entitled asshole plays around with things he can’t control, creates a problem he refuses to solve, and the poor end up being the ones to pay the price!”

“Now you’ve got him started,” Steve mutters to Gladys as he sits himself back up.

“Is there any way to get him to stop?” Gladys asks, though she’s a little fascinated with the theatrical way Eddie throws himself around the living room as he rants.

“Uh.” Steve glances over at Eddie and back away again, and there actually seems to be a little color rising in his cheeks. “Not, um…”

“Take him home first, if you’re planning to do something like that,” Gladys says primly, only to lose the fight to her laughter when Steve looks over at her, aghast.

“I wouldn’t–!” he protests indignantly, his face going redder.

“Are you guys even listening to me?” Eddie demands, turning back to face the pair of them.

Gladys declines to answer, asking instead, “Eddie, dear, how did you like the movie?”

“Oh. Aside from the ending, it was great.” Eddie drops back onto the loveseat, reaching out absently to tug Steve back over to his side. “What else ya got?”

“Well,” Gladys says, picking through the stack of tapes she’d managed to dig up at the video store. “If you like entitled rich people, let’s see how you feel about Dracula.”

[melrosing]

got bored made some Lannister ocs

besides Stafford we don’t have names or deaths or anything for Joanna’s other two brothers and her two sisters so since everyone else has ocs I decided I wanted some and it was free real estate ✨ names/ages/personalities under the cut

joanna lannister (247AC - 273AC) guess what i didn't actually make her up but not like we have much detail on her anyway so w/e. eldest child of Jason Lannister & Marla Prester, and just a frustratingly perfect girl (at least as far as Cerella is concerned) who always seems to get her way. has always enjoyed gossip and that becomes an interest in court and politics once she moves to KL at 10 to become one of Queen Rhaella's companions. as a child at the Rock she was best friends with Genna, but it was a complex relationship where Joanna was slightly resentful of Genna's power over her (as Tytos' daughter) and Genna was resentful of Joanna's apparent perfection, and the way she seems to wring an affection out of Tywin where he has none for his siblings. Joanna isn't exactly a mean girl but is well aware of the effect her charisma has on others, and can make you feel like shit by looking straight through you (albeit w a smile on her face) if she doesn't feel you're much worth her time.

stafford lannister (248AC - 299AC) i didn't make him up either but canon says he's a blundering idiot so we'll go w that. Stafford just had the luck to be the firstborn son of a Lannister knight, so he gets wealth and riches with little responsibility to show for it. he's thought of as a bit of a Tytos 2.0 but without his humour or heart of gold. thinks he has a fascinating life but is just rich. tells dreadfully boring stories but never seems to notice the snores. constantly landing himself in shit and waiting to be rescued. that's all there is to say about Stafford.

gerold lannister (249AC - 280AC) yay my first oc. well he's just a bit of a creep really. twin to Cerella, born first of the two. Gerold thinks he's the perfect Lannister specimen (he's more like.... weedy handsome squidward) and figures he ought to have been born in Tywin's place. but somehow he ended up the second son of a fourth son and nothing much is expected of him. he's not much good at anything and noone likes spending any time around him because he's perpetually consumed by bitterness. he's not close to his sister Cerella either, bc he seems to treat her worse than anyone, constantly talking down to her etc and mocking her crush on their cousin Tywin. in his final years, as his other siblings are growing up and moving on w their lives, Gerold remains bitter & stagnant, and no-one cares to see what's up except youngest sibling Loren, who has never been close to his brother but takes pity on him, believes maybe Gerold just likes men (specifically he suspects he likes TYWIN) and Loren is a theatre kid all his friends are gay it's fine. he decides to reach out. except Gerold isn't gay and in a confrontation between the two, Loren discovers that the true object of Gerold's affections is: their sister Cerella!!! who has already been married off to Sumner Crakehall. his secret out, Gerold kills himself shortly after, and Loren never tells anyone what he learnt but is consumed by guilt and disgust for the rest of his days.

cerella crakehall née lannister (249AC - 295AC) younger twin to gerold. Cerella has a cold demeanour but the heart of a romantic. when she was a small child she was in awe of Joanna and followed her everywhere, and Joanna likewise enjoyed Cerella's hero worship and treated her as a mini-me. however, as Joanna blossomed, Cerella felt ugly and awkward by comparison. Joanna only seemed to verify this by gradually ignoring Cerella in favour of Genna, and later in favour of her friends at court it KL. Joanna seems to get everything she wants before she can think to ask for it, whereas people seem to forget Cerella is in the room. and the one thing Cerella has always wanted is Tywin: she thinks they're entirely alike, and she's even modelled herself on him in hope that one day they would make a perfect match. except Joanna gets Tywin too: she has his attention without even seeming to ask for it, and takes him because she can. Cerella thinks she might have got her comeuppance when Jo is sent home from court, after Aerys affections for her become a little too heated. Tywin won't want her now. except he does, and they're betrothed not long after. Cerella, despondent, doesn't argue when she's married off to Lannister bannerman Sumner Crakehall (his second wife), and never returns to the Rock thereafter. she notices Joanna's son training in the yard at Crakehall but wants nothing to do with him; Jaime Lannister will wonder why in all those years his mother's sister never deigns to speak to him.

rowena cary née lannister (255AC - present) her father's favourite (though he dies before she turns six), Rowena looks the spit of her grandmother Rohanne Webber. Jason never knew his mother, and so has highly idealised notions of her (whilst the rest of the Lannisters loathe her for leaving without a trace). he likes the idea that Rowena is Rohanne born again, but wouldn't get away with naming her Rohanne - so names her an approximation. and she's just a fuckin disney princess lol. extremely amiable, not a girl of any great talents but does her best to please everyone. she never sees much of her eldest siblings, who are at court or squiring by the time she's old enough to engage with them, and the twins pay her no particular attention, but the adults around her love indulging her, and she's close to her younger brother Loren. there are no great expectations of Rowena, so despite many great westermen begging her hand, she marries for love to a wealthy merchant of Lannisport. sadly, they're unable to have the children they long for, but enjoy entertaining at their Lannisport manse, and enjoy welcoming nieces and nephews into their home (Tyrion is a regular visitor uwu). w her red hair, people tend to forget she's a Lannister at all, and so does she tbh.

loren lannister (257AC - 297AC) born in what many thought were finally past Marla's childbearing years, Loren is the youngest of Jason's brood. there are no great expectations of Loren, and Loren has none of himself - but in some ways he ends up being the most successful of the bunch, besides Joanna. he likes writing plays, acting in his own plays, and generally getting merry with the folk of Lannisport. the Lannisters of the Rock tend to forget Loren exists because he's seldom there, always in the city instead - till he moves out of the Rock entirely with little fanfare, and uses his inheritance to build a theatre in the middle of town. his plays do well and he's popular with the people, but very much a rich kid cosplaying poor lol. he never marries but has affairs w men and women, and when he hears of a bastard that might be his he throws a load of money their way without checking to see if it's true. Loren enjoys attention and pays close attention to others in turn, but is largely estranged from the Lannisters besides Rowena. after trying and failing to help his estranged brother Gerold, Loren falls into something of a depression for a time, doubting himself and all his instincts - his estrangement from the rest of his family becomes much more definitive as a result. anyway after a fairly prolific career Loren falls from some theatre scaffolding to his death at 40 years old, to the misery of Lannisport and the faint bemusement of the Rock

[brujahinaskirt]

Okay, I obviously made the above post as a leetle joke, but since it's getting not insignificant traction, I do want to offer a more serious note.

I love this about Arthur. It's probably my favorite thing about him, but let me use this fresh new RDR2 meta post to clarify exactly what I mean. Despite the aspects of his personality & appearance that are traditionally hypermasculine, and despite how often he is annoyed with people (especially incompetents or people who meddle with his plans), Arthur is decidedly NOT annoyed by the social performance of femininity or by traits that are/were frequently stereotyped as feminine. Ever. Regardless of subject. I might go so far as to say he seems to canonically prefer hanging out with women and with "feminine" men.

Your long-winded, bullet-pointed analysis is below!

The Girls. Most noticeably, Arthur actually sits down to talk with and actively confides in the camp Girls (Tilly, Mary-Beth, Karen) more than anyone else around. These three are the most traditionally "girly" (single, 20s, active, pretty, unattached, highly social, feminine, chatty) members of the gang, though of course they are still criminals and don't perfectly adhere to all period-typical standards of feminine comportment. He doesn't mock the girls** like he sometimes does with other auxiliary members of the gang (like Uncle and Pearson, playful or not). Notably, he doesn't even gently tease Mary-Beth for writing her "silly" romance novels, a highly feminized hobby which she speaks about in a self-depreciating manner, much like Arthur speaks about his own artistic hobbies. Rather, he talks to her about writing like a peer and encourages her to write more by going out of his way to get her a nice pen. Crucially, there is no canon romantic or sexual interest in any of the girls on Arthur's behalf. He just feels the most comfortable in their company and seems to value their advice/opinions on life the most. To me, this is much stronger proof than his forever-burning torch for the cultured & ladylike Mary, which is (or was once) rooted in romantic desire. ** Unless the player persists in Antagonizing them, and these lines (while sometimes shockingly cruel and offhandedly sexual in nature; see Arthur teasing Tilly about pursuing Javier) are largely about goading them for laziness or, in Karen's case, her alcoholism. That said, many of the Antagonize lines strike me as clumsily tacked-on & poorly rooted in canon, which could indicate: (1) an Arthur who is deliberately trying to be disruptive (a generous interpretation), or (2) writers instructed to add throwaway content that will make a certain type of childishly misanthropic gamer (think 13 y.o. boys) squeal in glee with relatively low impact on the overall story.

Campmates. Following the above point... who doesn't Arthur hang out with much? The manly men of the gang; the very people social mores suggest he ought to be hanging out with. Bill, Micah, Joe, Cleet, and even Dutch. (To some extent, this includes John and Sean, but I'd say John sort of lives at the edges of gang life anyway, and Sean is, well, Sean.) Conversely, which male gang members does Arthur hang out with a lot? Sweet little bookish Lenny, a wordy, positive-energy, breezy intellectual who has just barely become an adult. Introspective, soft-voiced, long-haired Charles, who is traditionally masculine by some standards (strong, usually calm, can be standoffish) but decidedly NOT so when his appearance/demeanor is judged by the white Christian American male standards that began to dominate masculinity concepts in the later decades of the 1800s.

Algernon. Oh, my, Algernon. Arthur clearly dislikes Algernon's fancy, loud, outrageous clothing. But weirdly, he seems to like Algernon, not just tolerate him. Arthur in fact goes through significant personal discomfort to avoid hurting Algernon's feelings (the awful hat, the POST.MAN. sobbing), and he immediately says yes to having tea with him without any awareness of a coming business proposition, though half the time Arthur clearly has no fucking clue what Algernon is talking about. I am left to conclude that on some level, he just enjoys hearing Algernon talk, which is word-for-word what he says while listening to the Girls argue about romance novels ("I just like listening to you [all] talk." Hello????). I mean, for God's sake, he meets the man while he's choking to death on a nut at a fancy party, and the second thing Algernon does is tell him he looks like a guy who wears a corset. If anything was going to set off the boiling defensiveness of a dude who worships masculinity, thirty seconds with Algie would have done it.

Margaret, Mistress of Fucking Danger. It's pretty clear Arthur doesn't like Margaret. But that has little to do with Margaret's femininity & cross-dressing (this doesn't faze him at all when Charles Châtenay does it; more on that below) and everything to do with Margaret's deceptiveness and highly selective memory. It's not until the bullshittery unveils itself that Arthur starts getting visibly pissed off at Margaret. Conversely, Arthur does seem more positively disposed toward Sally Nash. (That said, this quest has a lot of problems and poorly aged lines that are depressingly easy for a politically motivated jerkoff to soundbite and miscast as Rockstar being pro-bigot. Cue 800 heterobnoxious gamerbro ARTHUR MORGAN ULTIMATE ANTI SNOWFLAKE SIGMA MALE OF THE WEST YouTube videos.)

Albert, my beloved. Rather than goading him to man up, Arthur tries to persuade Albert (whom he very obviously likes) to pick safer animal photography subjects, e.g. horses, and doesn't insult him for his lack of wilderness knowledge (an aspect of traditional manliness that is highly relevant to Arthur's lifestyle). You'd think he would tear into him for this shortcoming, given that they share so many of the same interests and passions, and IMO his genuine eagerness to serve as Albert's protector and facilitate his art is highly convincing evidence that Arthur does not necessarily view masculinity as a net positive.

Arthur is a basic goddamn boyfriend-hater. He pretty much harshly disapproves of every husband, boyfriend, male partner, etc. in the game and is very, very vocal about it... except one extremely unlikely candidate: Beau Gray. Weak, dandy artist Beau Gray, whom Arthur takes one look at and promptly hands the only gun to Penelope. Arthur is curt and impish to Beau at times, but helps him in his relationship troubles willingly (without collecting repayment), and seemingly for no other reason than the fact he can see that soft, fearful Beau is genuinely head-over-heels in love with Penelope. Is he projecting his own young love for Mary onto them? Maybe/probably, but Beau could not possibly be more different from young Arthur, and Arthur seems to believe this difference will make him a good husband for Penelope. A good husband, in Arthur's view, seems to simply be a man who ardently loves his beloved, regardless of his ability to provide for/protect her, and whose only goal in life is to live that life at her side. This is completely antithetical to mainstream late-1800s views on what constitutes a good husband and what it means to be a man.

Châtenay. Arthur shows us some of the most obvious delight and mirth he experiences in the game when he's hanging out with Charles "Allo Boys" Châtenay, who is straight up in drag a third of that time. This baffles Arthur a little, but doesn't disgust or repel him. I've written about this mission elsewhere at greater length because it is one of my favorite disasters, but it's worth mentioning here too.

Trelawny. Arthur clearly enjoys Trelawny despite his grumbly claims to the contrary. Most of these "claims" are just Arthur's established way of affectionate teasing (he does much the same with Uncle and Pearson, both of whom he genuinely likes). His authentic gripes about Trelawny are all about a perceived flightiness/lack of loyalty to the gang, not about his flamboyance. And even these gripes are half-assed, in Arthur's usual way.

Bluegills & Daisy Chains. One of the most genuine moments of softness we have with Arthur in RDR2 is when he takes Little Jack out of the camp to go fishing. Arthur's usually a much truer version of himself when he doesn't have to play the Big Bad Gang Lieutenant role, but this moment of escape is especially important, and not just because Arthur reveals his fondness for children and his natural understanding of how to talk to them. I notice this: Arthur tries to gently teach Jack about fishing, and Jack is completely fucking uninterested. Jack prefers to make flower chains for his mommy. Arthur doesn't scold him for his drifting attention or his lack of attraction to masculine past-times; on the contrary, Arthur goes out of his way to encourage and protect Jack's natural sweetness and innocence. That's a wild stance for a murdering outlaw to have re: the "next generation" of his family. Hell, I've encountered far too many 21st century dads in my own family who flip their shit when their tiny sons prefer hanging out with women & partaking in "womanly" hobbies like art, cooking, and flowers rather than hunting and fishing.

"...and be a god damn man." This seems like classic masculine bluster on the surface, but what does this keynote line mean in the context in which Arthur says it? Well, it's complicated. This statement serves as (a) Arthur's goodbye to John, (b) Arthur's final call to action for John, and (c) Arthur's last wish for his brother's life. But it certainly does not mean standing and fighting or being tough; i.e., "dying like a man." In that moment, it means abandoning all masculine bluster and revenge fantasy, and running away: leaving violence and fighting and brotherhood and all that crap behind to simply be there (alive, present) for your wife and son.

The Best Women People. Who are the best people Arthur knows, by his own crystal-clear declaration? Abigail and Sadie. Sadie's a rough-and-tumble, super-violent gunslinger and Abigail's a stubborn thief & a former sex worker (in the time Arthur has known her), but they are also, critically, two wives: the most traditional feminine role for a woman of the time period (and indeed perhaps most of human history once the concept of "wife" subsumed that of "mother"). It's also important to note that Arthur doesn't truly give up on Dutch until Dutch abandons Abigail, which serves as Arthur's point of no return. The other men left in the gang at this point specifically note that she's "just a woman" and not worth going back for. Arthur is straight-up shocked by all of this; he obviously considers her among the most worthwhile and value-having members of the gang, and certainly one of the most core members of the gang. Without any hesitation or doubt, the instant it's clear Dutch is cutting Abigail loose, Arthur declares: "That's that, then."

tl;dr: Arthur unironically prefers hanging out with women and queens and I love that for them.

[piratefishmama]

Fake it till you make it | Part 10

Eddie declined the invitation to stay for dinner that evening, politely of course, and genuinely solemn in his refusal. He would have actually liked to stay, the Harringtons weren’t… bad. They weren’t bad. As baffling as that notion was, they weren’t bad, but Eddie had dinner with Wayne every night. It was part of their routine, had been since his freshman year of Highschool and continued to be even now when they could see each other a lot more now that he wasn’t in Highschool anymore.

It'd always been the only time during the day where he’d be able to see Wayne before he went to work. A time where they could catch up, Wayne could ask him about school, now it was about the band, or if he’d had any luck finding an actual job, or if he’d heard any new gossip.

Wayne loved a bit of gossip. Quiet as he may have been, he soaked up gossip like a sponge because nobody ever expected him to be actually listening to the conversations they had around him.

What the Harringtons were actually like, he’d be on the edge of his seat waiting for that bit of juice. Metaphorically of course, Wayne was always the picture of calm indifference whenever he asked about the gossip, like it wasn’t deep down his life blood.

They had pretty solid excuses to not see each other for the rest of that week though.

Eddie had band practice, Steve had work, they’d ‘see each other’ in between where the parents couldn’t see and the only phone call that needed to happen between meet the parents day, and the day they left, was the night before to arrange the time when he ought to arrive back at the house with Uncle Wayne in tow.

It was… heaven, actually.

In Steve’s case anyway, that week, leading up to the week away? Bliss. Complete and utter bliss.

His parents were happy with him, they weren’t trying to introduce him to anyone, weren’t bothering him, sure they asked a couple of times if Eddie would be coming by, offering an open invite for dinner again, but they didn’t mind when Steve gave them the same excuse of he’s having dinner with Wayne!

The only issue he had was Robin and her teasing little “you made out with Eddie Munson” sing song she brought out at random while working together midway through the week, and no amount of “it was PRACTICE” would shut her up.

“I just can’t believe it!” She’d said while they were stocking shelves “you, Steve Harrington, Keg King, ruler of the jocks—”

“Ex, Robin, ex-king, pretty sure I haven’t been king of anything in years now” he’d shed that title. Let it fly free to land on a douchebag who wanted it more.

“Okay but still, lord of the jocks, with Eddie. King of the nerds.”

“And why is that so weird?” Why was she acting as if it were actually real? As if she hadn’t been there when Dustin had suggested the faux relationship.

“I didn’t think he’d be your type!”

“He’s not” the only real issue he had, was that maybe that wasn’t actually… completely, strictly... true, as he was rapidly beginning to realise.

And Robin knew it, if her scoffed little “ch’yeah OK, an I’m not a lesbian.” Was anything to go by. She let it go though.

She let it go because the chime above the door rang alerting them to customers, and their day continued on as normal.

Their week continued on as normal, with a brief appearance of the kids on the Thursday evening to try and sneak an R rated movie by him for a sleepover at the Wheeler’s but they didn’t get very far.

They took the Goonies despite Dustin’s very loud complaints about having seen it five times already and that he wasn’t going to do the truffle shuffle again, so don’t anyone ask him to do it, only to immediately lose all the wind in his very serious sails when Jane mentioned she’d yet to see him do it.

Friday was uneventful save for the phone call with Eddie the night before.

And then It was Saturday, and he was watching an old pick up pull up to a stop out front, watching Wayne Munson, in his well-worn jeans covered in dust, work boots, and flannel climb out of the truck. He may have been up all night working, but he was awake, alert, and he even grabbed Eddie’s bags out of the truck for him while Eddie sorted out his carryables.

A gym bag that’d never been used for gym full of… well, Steve didn’t know but it looked heavy, and a guitar case that looked fit for an acoustic rather than the beauty hung over the mirror in Eddie’s bedroom.

Steve rose to his feet and poked his head back through the front door to yell “The Munsons are here!” Before making his way down the drive to greet them halfway, taking Eddie’s suitcase from Wayne to put it by the door with the rest of their things with a friendly “morning, sir! How was your shift last night?”

“Exhaustin, an boy I told you over the phone, it’s just Wayne.”

“I know I just… have this, memory issue, bopped on the head a couple’a times, so you’re just gonna have to keep reminding me.” It earned a chuckle from the man and a gentle pat to his shoulder, and then Eddie was there, a bundle of energy dressed in a band tee with the sleeves chopped off and ripped black jeans, a buffalo check flannel wrapped and tied around his slim waist to complete ‘the look’. His hair wild and free as usual. “Eddie, you uh… you clean up nice…”

The smile was replaced with a look of surprise, Eddie doing a quick once over of himself as if he hadn’t actually— “I do? I didn’t—well I wasn’t trying to I mean—” tried to look good. He just naturally looked good. Of course, he just naturally looked good, the bastard.

“Guess it’s just a you thing then. Looking good I mean.” So smooth, but it worked. Eddie actually looked frozen in place, like a wire had just decided enough was enough and shorted out. It recovered quickly enough though, allowing Eddie to cutely hide behind his own hair, cheeks a pretty pink, dimpled by his bashful smile.

“Guess games on then huh, boys?” Wayne spoke through an amused chuckle, before turning his attention to the two adults who appeared in the doorway, both in… surprisingly relaxed attire.

When Wayne pictured the Harringtons, and he had once or twice when he’d overheard them being mentioned in town, he’d always kind of pictured two highly manicured people, pencil skirts, blazers, pressed slacks, polo shirts and pastel colours. Nothing old, nothing well worn, everything looking like it’d only just come off the rack and dry clean only.

Lynda however, in her red house socks, soft, dark brown, woollen skirt resting just below her knees, and baby-pink sweater tucked into her skirt, looked comfortable. And John was wearing something Wayne probably would have worn himself! Jeans and a simple dark blue button down shirt.

The only ‘manicured’ thing about them was that John was clean shaven, and Lynda’s honey brown hair looked freshly blown out. She wasn’t even wearing makeup, he felt like he’d stepped into some alternate reality where rich people were normal folk. “Mr Munson” John greeted as he stepped out of the house, hand extended which Wayne took to give a firm shake then released. “I see our boys are in a world of their own.” Wayne turned back to them as if to check and yep, they’d begun loading Eddie’s things into the Lincoln… slowly. Matching smiles on their faces as they talked about… god only knows what.

Damn scheme would make idiots out of the both of them. “Seems like.”

“Why don’t you come on inside and have a coffee, let the boys load everything up.” Well, he wasn’t going to turn down whatever fancy shit the Harringtons had in their cupboards, was he?

“Don’t mind if I do, might wake me up some.” And he was inside. The damn hallway looked bigger than his whole trailer for a moment. But no, it couldn’t be, it was just… long, and felt emptier without knick-knacks or pictures lining the walls. It was clean though, not even a hint of dust. “So… Steve lives here on his own while you two are away?”

“It wasn’t ideal” Lynda admitted softly “but Steven had to finish school so we couldn’t take him with us, and well, after that he was old enough to take care of himself. We keep in touch the best we can” calls were occasional, and they dropped in from time to time, but Steve was an adult now. It wasn’t like he was still a child.

He could probably move out if he wanted to. It wasn’t like he didn’t have access to the trust fund yet. It was his! He just hadn’t touched it yet, worked for his money, was clearly saving the fund for something more important.

“And the boys…” Wayne began once they reached the kitchen, a room full of mahogany and marble, John already there setting the coffee maker, everything pristine. Steve kept the whole place spotless, all on his own. Could be as supportive as they wanted, there was no excuse for leaving that boy all on his own for so damn long. “You don’t mind them bein… themselves around you? Now I've walked in on them up to all kinds'a nonsense, in a total world'a their own. They’re kinda touchy an they ain’t about to be like some bashful damsels actin shy with each other, they’re both men, an you supportin that means they’ll assume it’s okay to be who they are around you.”

Even though Wayne knew they weren’t actually a couple, he saw them, he saw their chemistry, he saw how Steve looked at his nephew, and he knew, he knew Eddie had had his fair share of mole related crisis’s over the years being in Steve’s vicinity in school.

There was no way they’d come out of this cleanly. Either of them. No drawn out fake date scheme ever ended cleanly.

“Boys will be boys.” Lynda chirped as if she wasnt even the slightest bit surprised, huh. “The chalet is quite large, Mr. Munson—”

“Wayne, please, ma’am.”

“Then, Lynda, if you please, Wayne” he gave her a curt nod “as I was saying, the chalet is large, there’s plenty of places for them to hide away, and I know Steven knows all of them. We used to play hide and seek when he was little, we almost had the police out searching for him once or twice, so I know he knows where to go if he wants a little privacy. We don’t expect them to be… chaste, our son is—” she paused, then looked to John with a slight scrunch in her nose.

“A slut.” Wayne was glad he wasn’t drinking anything yet because it’d have been all over the floor as he choked on his own saliva. John so nonchalant with how he said it. “We were all young once, Wayne and he’s no innocent child. Now I don’t know Eddie, but if I know my son…” and he liked to think he did, at least a little. “With what I saw the other day... i'm not surprised that they've already rounded a few bases.” A fair assessment. Their chemistry was off the charts. “How’d you take your coffee, Wayne?”

“And that ain’t an issue to you? Just black’s fine.” He was handed a mug filled with black coffee, clean, black porcelain, plain. Nothing fun about it. He still kind of wanted to take it home to add to the collection, the rare ‘expensive house, rich family’ mug.

“Not really no. As long as they're staying safe. The world is changing outside of Hawkins, and when you own a business you either change with it or get left behind.” A solid business stance, Wayne couldn’t argue with that but… if it was just for business then—

Lynda placed a hand on her husbands’ arm, offering a warm smile that reminded him a lot of Steve, that boy got a lot of his softness from his mother it seemed. “Eddie is delightful, a little quirky, looks a little different to the people we usually find in our home, but… if he can make our son look that happy just by being here, well… even if we wanted to stand in the way of it, which we don’t… I don’t believe we could. Steven is an adult now, and we can either support him in his decisions, or lose him.” Those were the options. Support him, or Steve would inevitably find his own way. “We may not be around as often as we’d like, we may have missed a lot of him growing up… but we would still rather support him than lose him. People like them… they deserve to be happy too, don’t you think?”

Wayne took a sip of his coffee, damn near groaned at the rich taste of quality grounds, both in love of the taste, and in mourning of what he'd only have once, but nodded his head in agreement. Approval. “Couldn’t have said it better myself. The peace an quiet at the trailer’s gonna be real strange.” He was giving his go ahead. “But… I suppose I can let him go on ahead with you.”

Eddie could go and he wouldn’t stop him. Although the chief would know where Eddie was, just in case he mysteriously disappeared, as terrifying as that thought was. As sobering and... mind changing, as that thought was.

No, Eddie would be fine. He'd be okay.

“Wonderful!” Lynda cheered, as if Eddie really was welcome among them. “So… has Eddie ever been on a plane before?”

Part 12

[missmoonfrost]

Should have known better - a wolfstar short fic

Written for the prompt: Forget by @wolfstarmicrofic Sometimes a supposed-to-be microfic ends up ~ 1500 words. Sue me🤷‍♀️ Warnings: Alcohol, miscommunication

Remus should have known better, he really should. But here he was, unwillingly waking up to painfully sharp sunbeams and jarring whispers. Judging from the conversation none of them were feeling their best. No one else seemed to have a bed that refused to stop spinning, though.

“You ok, Moony?”

Sirius' gentle voice warmed him, but Remus didn’t answer. Chances were, if he had tried it had only been a whimper.

The curtains opened and Remus caught a glimpse of Sirius' ever-flawless black hair. He curled up and covered himself entirely with the blanket. Sirius of anyone could not see him like this.

“Want to join us for breakfast?”

“No.”

“Want me to bring something for you?”

“No, thanks.”

Remus should have known better than to have accepted that glass from Sirius' hand last night. He had been dizzy already from spending the night looking wistfully at Sirius and drinking butterbeer after butterbeer to avoid the dancefloor. But Sirius had smiled at him with that smile and looked at him with those eyes and he hadn’t stood a chance. He remembers the taste herby, slightly bitter and strong. He would have known it was something Sirius had mixed, even if he hadn't told him.

After that things had been going downhill fast. He remembered actually getting on the dancefloor, something he never thought he would dare to do. He remembered people swirling around him. Or was it he who had been swirling? He remembered being on the floor, crawling on all fours. He remembered leaning against a wall. He remembered Sirius had come to sit beside him, at least for a while. He couldn’t quite recall what he had been saying, but Sirius had looked at him, talked to him, laughed at him, and shook his head at him. His face had been so beautiful. So enchanting in the mess of moving people and blinking lights.

With the others gone for breakfast, Remus drifted off into an uneasy sleep. When he woke up again, he was feeling a little bit better. He didn’t dare try eating yet, but unsteadily got up, washed off, brushed his teeth, and put on some clean clothes. He went back to bed and picked up a book, but soon put it down again. His head hurt just from reading. It really was that bad.

As soon as he closed his eyes, he could hear the others stomping up the stairs and speaking loudly. There was the usual shoulder buffing, bragging, and bickering. Remus kept the curtains open, listening. He wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. Against his will, he felt himself smile as he saw James mimicking the silly dance Peter made up yesterday. Sirius sarcastically praised what an excellent dancer James had become as the night moved on, namely tipping over a table in his deed.

“You seem to have cheered up,” James smiled as Remus let out a quiet laugh. “How much of the evening do you even remember?”

“Did I tip over a table too?”

Considering how much he had to drink nothing would surprise him. Truth was the end of the evening was rather blurry.

“Not that I reckon.”

The words didn’t comfort Remus at all as James just grinned bigger. Something ought to have happened. Peter also turned to him with great interest.

“Remember who you danced with?”

“Eh… Mary at the charade game, if that counts. Lily in the beginning.”

“And after that?”

“I don’t know.”

Remus felt his heart pound. He didn’t know. Had he made a complete fool of himself? Probably.

“Stop it, guys.” Sirius came to Remus' rescue, as always.

“No, no.” James continued regardless, “Who did you kiss?”

Kiss? He had kissed someone? All he could muster as an answer was a shaking head and an open mouth.

“You kissed Sirius.” Peter made a show of falling on his bed laughing. James joined in.

Oh no. Oh no, no, no.

“Oh. Shit. Sorry! I’m so sorry! It was just… I was drunk.”

Sirius suddenly sprung to his feet and slammed the door, leaving the room quiet behind him.

Remus covered his face with his hands. This was worse than he’d imagined. A complete fool – yes. And a lovesick idiot who couldn’t hide his feelings. His unreciprocated, unnatural feelings for a friend.

He couldn’t let this happen. He couldn’t let this friendship be over like this. It was the most important part of his life. Not having even a shard of a plan, he rose and ran after Sirius.

Luckily Remus knew Sirius' habits. He found him in the owlery, where he sometimes went when upset. Sirius didn’t turn when Remus approached, just let out a big sigh.

“Leave me alone.”

“Padfoot, please.”

“I can’t… I… Just not right now.”

“Please let me explain. I’m sorry.”

Sirius clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. “I just wished you were anything else than sorry!”

“I - What?”

Sirius swiftly turned around, facing Remus.

“I am sorry. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you. I know how drunk you were. But… you seemed to enjoy it. And I thought it was a good opportunity to try – that if you didn’t want to it would be easy to dismiss as a drunken mistake. Only… when you actually did, it hurt way more than I thought it would.”

Suddenly Remus felt dizzy again. The world was upside down. Because even the idea of him rejecting Sirius did not exist in this world. It was so absurd it couldn’t be happening.

“Do you mean that you wanted me to kiss you?”

“I know I shouldn’t have even considered it. I shouldn’t have –“

“I never meant to hurt you! Please, let me kiss you now.”

“Just stop! Don’t you dare pity-kiss me! I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll move on.”

As angry as he was, with eyes glaring and jaw tight, Remus didn’t miss the pain lining his voice.

“Please, Sirius”, he whispered softly, “please come here and let me make this right.”

Sirius stood unmoving. Lips slightly parted. Eyes searching Remus for some explanation, though he thought he just said it as clearly as he could.

Remus stepped closer, slowly, giving him time to withdraw if this wasn't the moment that he hoped it would be. If anything, Sirius shifted an inch closer.

Remus put a hand on Sirius' cheek, softly brushing his black curls behind his ear. Even slower, he leaned forward, closing his eyes, and let his lips touch the corner of Sirius' mouth. The air of a quick exhale tickled Remus' lips and he felt Sirius' hands on his back, pulling him closer. Their lips pressed against each other, still soft and tentative, until Sirius' hand found its way to Remus' neck and Sirius let out a moan that asked for more.

Remus just oh so willingly gave him more. He let his tongue lick Sirius' lips, which immediately parted. He sucked in his upper lip, then let his tongue swirl around in Sirius' mouth, then sucked Sirius' tung that was suddenly in his own.

They broke away both gasping for air.

"I don't understand how I could forget anything like this." Remus breathed.

"It wasn't quite like this. This is much better."

"Then I'm counting this as the first time."

"As long as it's not the last." There was a vulnerability to Sirius' voice that Remus had never heard before. A desperate plea he felt a violent urge to answer.

Remus secured Sirius' body against himself with one arm on his back and one on his thighs. He lifted him up to sit on the long wooden bench that ran round the walls of the owlery. With one hand on each side of him, he pressed Sirius to the wall in a kiss. Sirius' hands were in his hair, and Sirius' heels were on the back of his thighs, pressing him even closer. It was wild. It was all he had dreamt it would be and more.

Remus felt a hand slip inside his shirt, moving up and down his back. He was just about to do the same when he heard a gasp behind him and spun around. A wide-eyed first year with a piece of parchment in his hand stuttered:

"S-sorry, I w-was just going to send a letter."

Remus smiled, too in love to be embarrassed. Sirius also looked amused, though his cheeks were flushing pink.

"Maybe we can find a better place?" Remus suggested and held out a hand. Sirius took it and jumped down from the bench.

Sirius' hand already under his shirt again before they reached the stairs told him the speechless first year was probably not the only innocent bystander they were going to intimidate before the day was over.

[grenade-maid]

Signalis, Authority, and History

There's a level of nuance to how Signalis presents the violence of the authority of the nation that doesn't call attention to itself but which I really appreciate. Which is basically just, all the officers and cops and spies who make life hell for people like the Gestalt mine workers, Ariane, and the Itou family--we get little glimpses into who they are in Adler and Kolibri's diaries and despite the propaganda and the authoritative tone they take in official communications, for the most part they don't seem to actually be particularly invested in the hard line of national ideology. They uphold it though, viciously, both because things were worse under imperial rule (we don't get hard details on what it was like but it's mentioned in passing enough that I believe it) and because they're scared that if they don't they will be decommissioned and easily replaced. They are literally stamped out of a production line after all. There's a subtext of well, if I don't do it my replacement will anyway and I'm not trying to die so what's the point of rocking the boat?

I think Kolibri stands out to me most clearly on this because in communications from the block warden regarding Ariane there is emphasis put on how it is unacceptable and suspicious that she should be so interested and invested in art and literature that does not serve the purpose of furthering the goals of the nation. But we know that Kolibris themselves are bookworms, Adlers are fiends for stimulating experiences, and both get miserable FAST when deprived of art and puzzles and entertainment and hobbies. Y'know, just like anyone. Far be it from being a paragon of The Nation only interested in productive labor, we are reminded that the block warden, too, hates this shitty town and wants to transfer but is denied. They're hypocrites, but not monsters, nor brainwashed puppets of the state.

The monstrousness at play is not contained within any particular subset of evil individuals, or even an inherent universal force of evil contained in the broad notion of The Nation. There is no cosmic evil force that makes them all do these things to each other. The monstrousness is within the social systems, the mechanisms of how authority perpetuates on a structural procedural level, held in place by fear and tangible threats of violence, each link in the chain restraining the next through those threats out of fear that if they don't, then they'll be next. Regardless how many, if any, of those people in this chain are true dogmatic hardliners, they must act as such because failing to do so opens them up to danger.

Here then I think of the quote that is so prominent, "Great holes secretly are digged where earth’s pores ought to suffice, and things have learnt to walk that ought to crawl", from Lovecraft's The Festival. This is not just a chilling abstract visual that conveniently evokes a mineshaft-- in Lovecraft's story, this line refers to worms which ate the decomposing bodies of wizards whose wretched souls had remained after death, complete with the terrible powers they gained through contracts with demons. Those worms inherited both their power, and also the evil. The Nation, despite having overthrown the Empire, is built on imperial technology, in particular Replikas and bioresonance. So too, then, we can imply that The Nation inherited with those things some of the monstrousness of The Empire as well. There is no end of history, nor clean break with the past, no matter how violently it may seem to be rejected. That which remains from the past--and something inevitably always does--creates the present.

This is a game that is not shy about evoking East Germany. And I think all of this provides a sophisticated picture of repressive authority that we rarely see in fiction of the English speaking world, especially in games. The year the S23 incident takes place is notably 84, but, frankly, I find this to be more compelling and illustrative than 1984 (and I'm a librarian and have taught English classes so I get to say that). Orwell, let's be honest, presents a fairly one dimensional picture of authority, where people seize power and wield it against others out of seeming mustache twirling evil or malice.

Here though we get a more humanistic view. Authority did not come from nowhere and is not wielded arbitrarily out of gleeful cruelty or mindless brainwashed allegiance. People aren't "just following orders". Individuals have rich inner lives. They make decisions, and those decisions are based in the context they're in. Even the decision to carry repressive tools of the past into the present is a decision that was made strategically with the big picture in mind. Nobody woke up and decided to be evil that day. Everyone operates on self interest, and, we must assume, an earnest desire for things to get better. Even the [spoiler] program which served as an inspirational demonstration of The Nation's power, you can imagine the chain of officers and bureaucrats who genuinely wanted the people of the nation to believe in the future, to confidently trust that everyone was working together towards something great and beautiful. And, through a long chain of those people who couldn't say "No" without being decommissioned, we ended up with something unbelievably cruel.

We get to know Adler and Kolibri and the other officers not to say well they're human too, maybe it wasn't so bad that they condemned all those people to agonizing suffering, but to remember that if we keep looking for true monsters we will not find them. There are no monsters and there are no demons. There are only people making decisions. A better world is possible. A better world, where Adler is just a paper pusher who does puzzles after work instead of signing papers to authorize torture, where Kolibris are librarians instead of spies and cops, where EULEs can gossip and play piano and ARARs can do maintenance on facilities that don't contain torture rooms, is one that would not have led to the Ariane and Elster's tragic cycle and ultimate end.

Authority and its attendant cruelty is not contained, radiating forth from The Great Revolutionary and Her Daughter, it is within the social systems of control. When those two women die, that cruelty will continue so long as those social systems continue. Like Lovecraft's worms, no matter how long dead the evil of the past is, so long as it continues to be fed upon, that evil will not only remain, but evolve into something new in the present. A better world can't be achieved through the death of the old world alone, even if violent overthrow is warranted. There is no end of history. There is no clean break from the past.

"Men make their own history, but they do not make it as they please; they do not make it under self-selected circumstances, but under circumstances existing already, given and transmitted from the past. The tradition of all dead generations weighs like a nightmare on the brains of the living."

Karl Marx, The Eighteenth Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte

[formulatrash]

What Hot Hatch* Should Every F1 Driver Have? Pt 1

*some of these cars are not technically hot hatches but they are, spiritually, hot hatches to ME and also car genres are meaningless shut up

Unfortunately because I have problems I allowed the group chat to commission me into writing this. I think you will be able to see the point where I really unleashed the thoughts that probably ought to be kept inside. Maybe I will keep Pt 2 to myself.

Max Verstappen - Honda Civic Type R This was tricky because we know the grid's resident cat dad is actually an SUV girly off the track. But he's also a brand loyalist and I'm fairly sure literally has had one of these as his factory car so it checks out that a car notorious for having a better engine than it did chassis would fit the Red Bull post-Newey meltdown. And if you need to go round a bunch of roundabouts there's really almost nothing rivalled to a Civic Type R.

Lewis Hamilton - og Nissan Leaf Yes, Lewis has never had any association to the Renault-Nissan alliance in his life but whatever he's leaving Mercedes. Think he's sort of forgotten about this but he did commit to only driving electric road cars awhile back and I will defend the Nissan Leaf with my LIFE as one of the most fun cars to drive. Nearly said the NISMO Leaf but actually the time I had a go in one of them it was insanely overbearing in a way someone used to having Bono to whine to wouldn't appreciate. The stripped down, basic, original is more than enough to fuck about in a multistory car park and I'm confident Lewis would immediately know what to do with it when next to a BMW at traffic lights.

George Russell - Williams Renault Clio This was actually what started it because I was introducing my beautiful wife to the groupchat and then considering which driver should throw some pocket money at it. Leaving aside the fact that if I was that rich there'd be a lockup in Monte Carlo full of the shittest mid-90s three-doors you've ever seen in your life, this car is perfect for George. It's got a legitimate heritage connection and it's a proper piece, something to look after. There's even matching sweaters for him and Carmen to wear in a sponsored post. And when he gets that look in his eye and starts clenching his jaw too much it's extremely good for doing donuts outside Carrefour.

Sergio Perez - Toyota GR Yaris No, I know he drives for a Honda works team but if they haven't fired him yet they'll probably overlook this. The GR Yaris is a bit of a North American legend because you can legally only get it in Mexico - they're not obtainable in the US. So this is an understated big dick move and maybe what Checo needs is to have a little obnoxious fun, y'know?

Charles Leclerc - Sbarro Super Eight Oh, Charles. Tied up in scarlet. In order to maintain his Maranello-chained brand suffering nothing but Ferrari's finest horsies could do but they're not really in the business of making mean little things to hoon. Unless you consider the driver academy, I guess. Anyway - the Sbarro Super Eight is a Ferrari 308 V8 engine in the body of the kind of vehicle you can get insured on under the age of 25. It has too much (260) horsepower, it's a little silly and deeply selfconscious. And like il predestinato there is only one in the whole world.

Carlos Sainz Jnr - VW Golf This isn't even a statement about what car he should have, this is a car he does have. Mr Sainz and I may disagree about many things but his opinion that the VW Golf is the ultimate road vehicle is absolutely correct. Anyone who's seen the excruciating DTS segment where he tries to take a McLaren to M&S for a disappointing taco mix purchase will understand why Carlos held on to his Golf, a much better vehicle for picking up some bits. In the words of the man himself: "No Golf, no party"

Lando Norris - Lancia Delta Integrale Mk 2 "la Perla" Anyone with my Instagram recommendations will know in quite some alarming detail which Monegasque petrol station Lando uses to fill up his collection of sports cars. Weird fan paparazzi behaviour aside, the man likes buying unique cars and clearly isn't above something quirky given the Fiat Jolly. The Delta Integrale "la Perla" 1) sounds a bit like a sex toy in a way I think he'd find amusing, 2) is rare, with a totally impractical pearlescent white paint job for something ostensibly intended to hoon. It's expensive, semi-unique (allegedly only a few hundred were made) and a little bit silly, with plenty of rally-proven power and drive to muck about with.

Oscar Piastri - Honda City Turbo Oscar seems like the kind of guy who doesn't care too much about appearances. Not in the sense he looks bad - he very clearly does not - but like, lot of rumpled shirts in his wardrobe he's not bothered about ironing, y'know. So it fits that he'd need a hot hatch that does the job more than it's about aesthetic. The things I know about Oscar are that he likes to spend time with his girlfriend and he learned Japanese at school so I'm diagnosing him with JDM import disease and making sure there's a passenger seat. The Honda City Turbo is a teeny weeny little car that only makes its way into being a hot hatch not a kei car because of the totally unnecessary powertrain. And what a fucking powertrain, straight from the Mugen division into the least likely chassis imaginable. Yes, the car is not the most ostentatious looking thing but it's technically interesting and sick as hell so whatever.

Zhou Guanyu - Renault Twingo 133 Silverstone edition Zhou is a man of immense taste and style. He has a great little cat. He is a national icon in his home country and, frankly, any other. He has spent a lot of his life in Sheffield. Aside from this making him basically an idealised form of bloke, I think this means I can entrust him with the Twingo. Not, it's got to be said, overpowered as a car in its base model (my Mk1 Twingo could boast a 0-62 measured in minutes) Renault have never been able to resist souping it up a bit and for some unlikely series of reasons made a sport version to tie into the 2011 British Grand Prix. I don't even want to know why, now, it's better that it stays a mystery. Anyway, this is a Twingo with unnecessary horsepower and live data feeds the Mk1 would probably have a misfire even considering. It's quirky, comes with plenty of backstory and y'know. Whomst amongst us hasn't been screwed around with by Renault a bit in the past?

Valtteri Bottas - the Suzuki Jimny The Jimny is a car of greats. Deceptively small, it works perfectly in a city or if you need to drive up a mountain to get to a gravel course. loads of room at the back for a bike rack. It's practical, a little odd-looking in a charming way and everyone's delighted every time they see one. You can definitely get your ass out in this vehicle. Is it a hot hatch? Probably not but you don't get to define how the Jimny lives its life.