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awkness · 3 months

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Serial killer!Platonic!Yandere Older Brother & Genderneutral Teenage Reader (Part 1)

(Part 2)

You don't have the best home life. With your father being a violent drunk and your mother out of the picture, there's little to love about your home. The only silver lining is your older brother, Ben, who's practically raised and protected you your whole life and makes living in this household easier.

But in a surprising turn of events, your father is declared missing, and Ben is granted temporary custody of you. As time passes, you grow more concerned with the circumstances of your father's "disappearance", Ben's behavior, and just how safe you are in your own home.

Content Warnings: murder, gore, isolation, manipulation, physical violence, briefly mentioned child abuse, child endangerment, and general yandere shenanigans. If there's anything I forgot to list here, let me know :3

Authors note: first time posting my writing, hope you like this! This is a bit of a slow burn and features a slightly amoral!Reader. Readers age is left ambiguous

You'd like to think you were good at sneaking around the house. Years of having to creep around at night as your father slept had taught you a lot about the right way to hold yourself, which floor boards to avoid, how to open doors so that they didn't make noise. Tiny bits of knowledge and skill that all seemed to have been in preparation for this moment.

There's a full moon tonight, and you can see it shine through the curtains on the back door window, the only light in the house. Socked feet carefully move through the kitchen floor as your heart rate picks up. Your shoulders slowly hunch in on yourself as you close in on the door.

You haven't felt terror like this before. It's so much different from the horror movies you used to stay up late and watch as a child, or even the fear you felt when your father came home from his business trips. This was different. It twisted your stomach into nauseating knots and sent your heart up to your throat, making its terrified, rapid beating the only thing you could hear. You were beginning to feel lightheaded, and everything around you had this strange and distant quality to it, like the whole world had shrunk down to only two things: the backyard door, and your brother.

Was he still looking upstairs? There hadn't been any noises from there in a while. Now that you thought about it, you haven't heard anything in a while. The thought causes tears to start to form in your eyes, and you swallow hard and try to blink them away. Not now. Not until you're out.

Clammy hands grasp the cold metal of the doorknob, and you almost let out a sob in relief. Shaky, you begin to undo the lock, the sound like a gunshot in the quiet house. You cringe as the door opens and lets out a long, loud creak, breaking whatever illusion of stealth you had.

Distantly, you recall a memory of you complaining about the noise to Ben. He had told you that he wasn't going to fix it, that it was better to keep it that way, just in case anyone tried to break in, he would hear it. You wonder if he ever thought about someone trying to break out.

"(Y/N.)"

For a brief, horrible moment, everything stops. Your mind, your lungs, your heart, they all seize up in fear at your name. You were never supposed to be afraid of his voice.

Your lungs squeeze painfully, and you take in a sharp breath, chest heaving. Legs tense, instincts desperately urging you to leave, but your mind kept you rooted to the spot, running through the scenario in your head. Even if you sprinted now, full speed, you would have to stop to undo the latch at the gate to leave the backyard. It would only take a few seconds, and that might be enough for Ben to catch up to you.

"(Y/N), look at me."

If it were anyone else, you would have bolted by now, legs tearing across the lawn as you made your escape. But it was him. Your brother, the same man who cooked your dinner, who helped you do your homework when you didn't know what you were doing, and would then help you cheat when he couldn't figure it out, either. The same voice that would tease you, scold you, nag you, and encourage you, and now kept you from leaving. Against your will, you turned around.

He was standing in the kitchen entrance, bathed in shadow. You could barely see his bruised face, the moonlight only outlining his features just enough for you to see the crazed, panicked look in his eyes, and his chest heaving like he was the one being chased and not you. If you hadn't seen it when you stumbled upon him in the basement just ten minutes prior, you could have missed the blood on his shirt.

But you hadn't, and it was all you could stare at.

For a moment, it's all you do. He stares at you, while you stare at the blood between you two, not a sound to be heard as you both stand, as if under a spell.

He finally breaks the silence.

"Close the door."

You look up to meet his eyes, and the brief act is enough to snap you back to your senses.

You run.

By all means, you tried your best, you really did. But whatever edge that the adrenaline gave you was no match for Ben's superior speed. He was taller than you by nearly a foot and used to run track when he was in high school, of course he would catch up to you.

You were halfway to the gate when he snagged your arm. A short, abrupt shriek leaves your mouth and then his other hand covers your face, smothering any noise you were trying to make.

In one quick, fluid motion, his arm lets go of your hand and then firmly locks around you, back pressing against his chest, the same blood-covered chest you saw before, stained by the body of your poor, mutilated father in the basement you saw only minutes ago, the body hardly recognizable as he had began hacking his limbs into small, easily disposable pieces. His decapitated head lay carelessly on the floor, empty eyes that seemed to plead to you for help as you watched numbly, stricken dumb until Ben finally noticed you staring.

And now he's dragging you back. Back to the house, down the stairs, to the basement, where he'll pin you to the table and do the same thing he had done to your dad-

You lost control of yourself. There was no thought behind what you did. You thrashed and kicked like a wild animal, screams trying to rip through your muffled mouth. You struggled like you had never struggled in your life, and it meant nothing. He was almost at the back door, and you hadn't slowed him down a second. In a fleeting moment of lucidity, you think to hook your leg on the door and to try and slow him down. It works, but only for a moment. With a sharp pull, your leg gives and suddenly you're back inside, helplessly watching the back door swing close. The sound of the lock latching breaks you out of your fit, and dread sets in, stilling your body as you finally realize you can't break free.

As your breathing starts picking up, you finally hear your brother talking, who seems to have been speaking to you for a while. His voice is the same gentle, calming tone one would use on a skittish animal while trying to get them to calm down. It makes you feel ill.

"Shhhhh, it's alright (Y/N), you're fine, you're fine. I need you to relax, alright? C'mon, kid, deep breaths, just like that, you're doing good. Breathe with me."

You feel his chest move against your back as he begins to breathe deeply. The slow, rhythmic movements bringing back emotions from memories of him calming you down from previous anxiety attacks and similar situations begin taking over and give you a false sense of security. Against your better judgment, you relax, if only slightly, against him.

"There we go, that's it. Just take it easy."

And for a second you both stand like that, completely still, as the weight of everything sinks into the both of you.

"Okay, here's what's going to happen. I'm going to let go of you and I need you to promise me you're not going to try anything. No screaming, no running, no nothing. Is that clear?"

It takes you a second to realize he expects you to respond, and you nod quickly, hoping it doesn't seem too enthusiastic.

He sighs and lifts his hand from your mouth. When he doesn't hear your yell, and releases you from his grip, only for him to take your hand.

"This is... going to be a long talk. Let's go sit down in the living room."

Without waiting for you to acknowledge him, he drags you towards the living room, and sits down, having you take the seat next to him.

Enough moonlight peaks through the blinds for you to see Ben. He's hunched, leg bouncing a mile a minute, bruised and bloody hands clasped together, as he shifts in the seat, trying to get comfortable. You don't think there's much of a point. This isn't going to be an easy conversation, there's no point in stalling.

You're reminded of a similar conversation you two had on this couch. Years ago, he sat you down (albeit, under much less distressing circumstances) and told you how mom wasn't coming back home. That she was divorcing dad and leaving you both with him. At the time, you thought it was a little silly how nervous he was. Of course she was leaving. She hadn't been home in months, and even before that, she hadn't been involved enough for you to care about what she did. Her being out of the house for good was a relief to you. A strange stab of guilt runs through you as you remember hoping your dad would leave your life permanently, too.

Ben's leg hasn't stopped bouncing, you see he hasn't looked your way since you sat down. If he's waiting to figure out how to start the conversation, you know you'll be waiting all night, and that's the last thing you want to do. You're going to have to be the one to break the silence.

"You killed dad."

Not the most elegant opener, but it's simple and to the point, so hopefully the bluntness will make it easier for Ben to talk.

He takes a sharp breath and glances down, bouncing becoming quicker. You hate how you feel guilty for making him uncomfortable.

"Yes." He replies, "I did."

He unclasped and clapsed his hands again, and then stared into them, like they held the answers he was looking for. Time passes, and for a moment, you think you're going to have to speak again, but he beats you to the punch.

"He was drinking again. I mean, he always drinks, but it was a lot more than usual. It was the only reason I came down there. He's always making noises down there, but this time, with all the beer he was going through, I thought he finally kicked the bucket, you know? Just a crash and then nothing. So I went to check it out."

He takes a breath and shifts in his seat again, and you can only sit there and watch as he struggles through his story.

"I come down and he's on the ground and his eyes are closed, so I go to check his pulse. That's when he springs up and grabs me, starts yelling in my face about God knows what."

That part is true. You remember hearing that a couple of hours ago, but hearing dad yell is a fairly common occurrence. Common enough that the neighbors wouldn't think much of it, anyway.

"I try and get him off me but he starts hitting me. I can't get him to stop, so I start hitting back. But he wouldn't stop, he..."

He pauses for a moment, a shadow passing through his face. You don't want to interrupt him this time.

"When I realized what I was doing, he was gone."

He sighs and wipes his hand over his face, the shadow recedes and it returns to its previous anxious look.

"If I had called the police and told them what happened, they wouldn't believe me. And even if they did, they would have taken you away from me, and I..."

His face pinches in a way you've never seen before, almost like he's in pain. His eyes glisten with tears.

"I don't know what I would do if you were gone, (Y/N). I couldn't live with myself."

You look down, face heating up with a shame you don't understand.

"If I could hide his body, wait a couple of days, and report him missing, it should be fine. Not like he has any friends, and the neighbors don't care about him. They know he's a drunk who takes off for weeks on end, so it's not like him going missing this is suspicious. And while he's missing, I should be able to get custody of you. Not like there's any other relatives to take care of you. I've got a steady job, I'll be able to take care of you. It shouldn't be a problem."

You look up, and you're taken back to see him staring at you, with a sad, almost pleading look.

"I didn't want you to see that, (Y/N). You weren't supposed to be involved. I honestly thought you'd be asleep by now. I knew I should of locked the door, I should of..."

As he spirals, you start to zone out as you consider everything he's said. You know he's lying. Maybe not about everything, but there's either parts that he's purposefully leaving out or making up. Perhaps, given some time and some well thought out questions from your end, you could parse together the real story, but... did you want to?

Your father is dead. There's no fixing this. You also don't have any other relatives nearby, and the ones you do have you either haven't seen in over a decade or haven't seen at all. If your brother isn't the one taking care of you, that means you'll be put in the foster system. Considering your age, you know your chances of being adopted are slim to none, and the horror stories you've heard of other kids going through the system are enough to make you shudder. You don't know if you could make it.

Yes, he killed your father, but it's not like you ever liked the man anyway. And watching Ben dismember him was... horrific, to say the least, but you can understand it, from a logical perspective. In order to move him, it makes sense that he had to take him apart, even if he seemed a little too emotionless and callous during the whole process.

That only leaves one thing left to consider: do you think Ben will hurt you?

You stare at this grown man, this murderer, your one and only brother, as he sits in front of you, talking himself to the almost to the point of tears, trying to convince you that everything wasn't as bad as it was.

That's been your whole childhood, hasn't it?

You barely remember a time before mom left, and dad would be out most of the time, so it was Ben cooking you breakfast and walking you to the bus stop, making sure you had a lunch already packed in your bag. He would be the one to ask you how your day was, to make you dinner, and to watch whatever movies you wanted, even if he was a little too old for your shows. He would smile and play along with you, just because it made you happy. In those moments, you could pretend you had a normal, functional family, and you were grateful for him.

When dad was home, Ben was the one who made sure everything was safe. And when dad was too drunk and wandering about the house, you would sleep in his room, and if dad ever tried to get to you, Ben would put himself in between you two, protecting you at the price of a broken nose and a handful of bruises. And then when it was over, and you would go over to him and tell him how sorry you were, only for him to put on a brave face and tell you that he was fine when he was clearly not. If you insisted, he would placate you by letting you bandage him, but he would do it with a smile on his face, making little jokes as you patched him up that would have you both coming out of it with a smile.

Everything he did was to make your life easier. This isn't any different, isn't it?

You reach out and take his hand, and that's enough to stop him mid-sentence.

"It's okay, Ben. I understand."

He blinks at you owlishly, clearly not expecting you to say that.

"You do?"

The disbelief is evident in his tone, but you don't blame him for it. You can hardly believe yourself, but it's the truth.

"Yeah, I don't blame you. Besides, what's done is done, we can't change that."

You take a breath, readying yourself for what you need to ask next.

"What do you need me to do?"

This shocks him more than your previous words, and he shifts, looking visibly uncomfortable with your question.

"I don't want you to be involved-"

"But I am." You interrupt. "I know what happened, so I'm a part of it. I need to know what I need to do."

You see him swallow, and you watch his face as he slowly takes in your words, the weight of them sinking in, his face morphing from anxious to somber.

He takes his hand out of yours and puts it on your shoulder.

"The only thing you need to do right now is to go to sleep. We'll need to go over our cover story soon, but that can wait until tomorrow. It's late, and I know you're tired. I can take care of everything from here."

He squeezes your shoulder and makes a motion like he's going in for a hug, before jerking back, thinking better of it.

Instead, he looks at you, a sad, grief-stricken look on his face.

"Goodnight, (Y/N). Sleep tight."

"Goodnight." Is all you reply before he lets you go. He gets up and makes his way to the basement as you watch from your spot on the couch.

You know you both won't be able to sleep well tonight.

You stumble down the stairs, still half asleep, grumbling while trying not to trip over your own feet.

It had taken you a while for you to fall asleep, yet your body had refused to let you sleep in. As soon as the sun rose, you did as well. Unusual, given that it was summer and you always slept in, but you suppose the stress of last night and your upcoming talk with Ben wouldn't let you rest for longer than a few hours.

As you make it downstairs, you enter the kitchen. The first thing you notice is Ben, newspaper in hand, reading at the dinning room table. Or at least it looked like he was reading. After watching him for a moment, you noticed his eyes unfocused as he stared off into space.

In broad daylight, you're able to take a better look at his injuries, and it's much worse than it had seemed last night. He's got a busted lip and bloody knuckles, with several bruises across his arms. It makes your stomach twist in the familiar way seeing him hurt always does. The dark circles under his eyes are more prominent than usual. Did he stay up all night?

At least he changed his clothes. The blood from yesterday is gone, replaced by the familiar sight of him in old, ratty pajamas.

"Good morning." You say, more to announce your presence than anything else.

He jumps in his seat, newspaper crinkling in his hands, seemingly taken completely off guard by your arrival. Yeah, he definitely didn't get any sleep.

"Good morning." He finally replies a little too quickly, folding the newspaper and laying it down as he got up. "How did you sleep?"

You shrug. The banality of the question contrasted uncomfortably with its context, making you not want to linger on it. "Better than I thought I would. You?"

He awkwardly shuffles in place, obviously not having any idea what to do with himself now that he was standing, but refusing to sit back down. "Uh, couldn't get any. Was busy."

The weight of the words brought an uncomfortable lull in the conversation, and your eyes wandered as they tried not to look at his.

"Well, uh, you gotta be hungry, right? Why don't we go out to eat? I'm sure there's some restaurants still open, we can sit down to eat, or swing by that doughnut shop you like."

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to go out, given you look like... well, that." You gesture to his injuries.

He looks momentarily confused before the realization hits him. Self-consciously, he hides his wounded knuckles behind his back and looks towards the ground.

"Breakfast at home is fine, too. My pancakes are better anyway." He says a little too tensely, the joke not quite landing right.

The next thing you know, the kitchen is alive with the sounds of cooking as he quickly whisks the ingredients together, and then begins pouring them into the pan.

You walk over to the pantry, scanning the shelves.

"We don't have any syrup."

Ben lets off a soft groan, and you wander over to the freezer.

"Well, pancakes without syrup aren't the worst, just a little dry." He grumbles, more to himself than to you.

You open the freezer, inspect its contents, and announce your discovery.

"We have ice cream."

You turn back just in time to see the questioning look he shoots you.

"Ice cream? For breakfast?"

"Well, considering the night we had, I figured we could use a little pick me up."

He sighs, and his brows furrow as his cheeks heat up, his face a strange mix of irritation and shame. Under normal circumstances, you would never be able to get away with this, but considering everything that's happened, you can imagine it won't take him too long to cave.

"Hm, well- fine. Just this once."

You nod and grab the tub of ice cream. You suppose there were a few perks to watching your brother dismember your father in front of you. Maybe later, you could ask for that game you've had your eye on...

A plate of fresh, hot pancakes is put in front of you before you can fully finish that thought, and you search in the cutlery drawer for the ice cream scoop.

"Leave the tub out for me."

"Will do." You reply.

You prepare your plate and set it down at the dining table, digging in as he finishes making his pancakes. When he finally sits next to you, you're halfway through your stack, already getting full. You watch him pick up his fork and knife, ready to cut off a piece, but instead, he just stops, eyes empty as they focused on the vanilla scoop slowly melting. Seconds tick by, and he still doesn't move, unaware of the time passing, or you watching him.

You suppose you could blame your lack of sleep on what you did next, or perhaps that innate sense of mischief that all little siblings are born with, but in your heart, you know better. Nothing could be as disturbing as watching your brother silently stew in whatever internal misery he was in.

So, without thinking, you scoop up some of the melting ice cream on your fingers and smear it on his nose.

His eyes went wide in shock and his body tensed when he realized what you had done. The rapidly melting dessert threatened to drip down his nose as he sat, and another painful moment of tension passed between you two.

Maybe that wasn't the best idea.

Before you can apologize, his face cracks into a small grin, empty eyes filling with much-needed warmth. You let out a breath as your shoulders relax, relieved at the familiar sight. He takes a small dollop of now melting ice cream from his nose and tastes it before he speaks.

"Didn't I teach you not to play with your food?"

"Not well enough, it seems." You quip back.

Then, with a mounting sense of horror, you watch him pick up a much bigger glob of ice cream off his plate as his smile turns into a devious smirk.

"I guess I was never the best role model, was I?"

Before he can smear the food over your face, you jump out of your chair and run to the opposite end of the kitchen where he gives chase. The two of you run around the house, carefree laughter filling the air, without a thought to anything that transpired the night before. Ben always had a way of making you forget your worries.

Everything after that was pretty simple. Ben talked you through the cover story and what your part would be, which basically amounted to "I was asleep when everything happened." That suited you fine, anything that minimized your time talking to the police was welcome. Ben handled most of that as well, spinning a tale about how your father was binge drinking more than usual, and then had up and left in the middle of the night. The only reason Ben hadn't stopped him was that this wasn't out of character for him to just up and leave with no car, no phone, or anything but whatever drink he had.

Which was true, it was a rather annoying habit that had your neighbors side-eyeing your family and complaining to your brother whenever they got the chance. It all seems to have worked out, though, as they provided great testimony when asked by the cops if this was unusual behavior for him.

Where the story differs from reality is that your father always managed to wander home. The way Ben tells it, he left and simply never came back. He had waited so long because he was sure that the man would return sooner or later like he always did, and didn't want to cause trouble when it wasn't necessary. Given your father's reputation, the cops believed him easily.

Soon after, your father was declared missing and your brother was appointed as a consevator on behalf of your missing father, allowing him to manage the house you lived in and pay the bills. He was also granted temporary custody of you, given that he was the only family you had in the area.

As for your home life, things were surprisingly normal.

In terms of your routine, very few things changed after those first few days. Sure, Ben often had to work late now and was more busy filling out paperwork to make sure everything was fine, legal-wise, but it had little effect on your life outside of those first few weeks. You settled back into the routine you had before: wake up late, and spend the day doing whatever you pleased. If Ben wasn't working late, you would both eat dinner before winding down and going to bed. Except now, there was no more waiting for your father coming home, or having to hide in your room and count the days before he leaves again. The peace you felt while openly sitting in the living room, with no obvious threat looming over you, was both exhilarating and disconcerting.

The neighbors seemed to act differently towards you. You would go out to pick up the mail and see them either out walking their dog or sitting on their front porch, taking in the summer sun. You would make eye contact with them and the look they gave you wasn't annoyance, or that vaguely pained look they gave when your father was being particularly loud the previous night. It was odd, some cross between pity and something you couldn't put your finger on at first until you finally connected the dots: suspicion. What if they knew, or at least suspected, that he hadn't just wandered off? Even without any clear evidence, it doesn't take a genius to see why you and your brother would want your father gone. After that, every time a person looked your way, you could feel their hidden disgust at you. They knew what you were and what you had abetted, even if they never said it out loud. Slowly, you stopped going outside, preferring to stay cooped up in the house instead.

Ben didn't mind much, even encouraging your hermit life style. But in all fairness, he didn't seem to mind much these days, always in high spirits, no matter the circumstances. The bad days were good, and the good days were amazing, especially when you both spent them together. The best day for him, though, was when he was appointed temporary custody of you.

After court, he had taken you out to a fancy restaurant in the good part of town and told you to order anything you wanted. It was the first time you held a menu that had lobster on it.

He even has a framed photo from the day hanging up in the hall, like it was some sort of celebratory adoption event, and not the day he was granted temporary custody of you because your father is missing.

But isn't it technically adoption? You know your father isn't coming back, so it only leaves Ben to take care of you. And that's a good thing, right? When you were a child, you had always fantasized about what life would be like if it was just you and your brother living in this house, no parents around. Child you would be jumping for joy, ecstatic about the turn of events. You should be happy, so why is it you can never look at the framed photo without feeling odd?

There was just one questionable development from this event, and that was your brother's habit of visiting the basement more often.

The only reason you knew was because you noticed the door was sometimes left open, and the occasional muddy footprints that would lead down into the basement. They would be cleaned up before you could see them again, leaving you wondering if you had only imagined it.

Your father... the corpse couldn't still be down there, right? What other business could he have down there?

You tried not to think about it too hard. It haunted you anyway.

One night, you had a dream. You were descending the stairs to the basement, flashlight in hand, trying to find something. As you opened the door, a pungent, rotting smell burned your nostrils. For whatever reason, your dream self had continued on, scanning the area, stopping once the frail, white light landed on a dismembered corpse.

You struggled against your dream self, trying to will them to run back up the stairs, but they continued, creeping ever closer to the foul, bloated pile of flesh, until the soles of your shoes were covered in the liquid runoff from the gore.

Suppressing a gag, you bend over, trying to get a better look at the corpse's face, only to see yourself.

That dream left you as scared as you were confused.

The stairs to the basement have always intimidated you for as long as you can remember. The lighting was poor and the stairs were worn, as if they were older then the rest of the house, letting off a creak with every step. The door itself was in bad shape, with paint pealing and a doorknob that couldn't lock half the time. The inside was bare and damp, only functioning as storage for whatever possessions your father, and now your brother, owned that they didn't mind mildewing over.

Though the fear lessened with age, you never had any reason to go down there, so you never had to fully confront it. You had mostly accepted that there was always a small, childish part of you that would be apprehensive of dirty, dark places like basements, and you were mostly fine with it. Unfortunately, recent experience had made it a full blown fear again.

Yet here you were, standing right at the edge of the stairs, debating on whether or not to go down.

You worry your lip, mentally sorting through your options.

On one hand, you had no business going down there. Ben said he would take care of it, and you trusted him, there's no reason to doubt him. But on the other hand, there was no reason for Ben to be going down there so often in the first place. If the body had been removed from the house, then what was he doing? Where was the body? Why had you never seen him enter or leave the basement? Could you just be making this up? But you know you saw the footprints going down there. And yet...

"(Y/N)?"

You startle and quickly turn around only to see your brother behind you, a nervous smile on his face.

"Everything alright?"

Your gaze lowers as you continue to bite your lip. You taste blood. You know you should quit, but a little blood has never stopped you before.

You hear a small sigh before he walks over to you, putting a hand on your shoulder. His attempt at being reassuring, you assume.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me, (Y/N)."

If you weren't so consumed by your anxieties and fears, perhaps you would have thought over your words before blurting them out, but that wasn't in the cards for today.

"Is dad down there?"

You still hadn't looked up, eyes glued to his feet, but you could feel the mood sour ever so slightly. Or maybe you were imagining that too.

His voice came out hushed, but earnest.

"Of course not. What makes you ask that?"

"You've been going down there a lot lately, and you never have before, I just assumed..."

Your voice had gotten quieter as you spoke until it finally died out at the end, the ridiculousness of the statement seeming obvious when you said it out loud. You were making a problem out of what, exactly? Your brother going into the basement a couple of times? Is that really all it took to make you suspicious of him? You feel a lump form in your throat.

He speaks to you, tone even, slow and reassuring, like a parent to an upset child. Your face heats up in shame.

"The water heater hasn't been working right. I've been down there trying to repair it, but I haven't been able to keep it running hot water for more than a couple days at a time, so I have to keep going down to fix it. Do you remember yesterday when you told me something was wrong with the shower?"

You easily recall a memory of yourself taking a shower, the water suddenly going cold. You had got out to go complain to Ben about it. Why hadn't you connected the dots sooner?

You nod, and he gives you an encouraging smile.

"You've had this on your mind for a while, haven't you?"

You nod again, more vigorously as the lump in your throat turns painful, and your lip begins to wobble. You tried to swallow it all down as you began to speak, voice wobbly and frail.

"I've just been so worried, all the neighbors keep giving us funny looks, and I had this dream-"

Your throat closes as you choke over your tears. Without thinking you cover your face, shoulders bunched up as you try to hide yourself. This was stupid, why couldn't you stop crying?

Warm arms wrapped around you, comforting and firm, as put your hair

"It's alright, kid, you're okay."

Without thinking, you hug him back, the comfort too tempting to resist.

"I'm so sorry, (Y/N), I didn't think it would be an issue. If I had known you would of been this upset, I would of told you about it before. I should of known better."

You struggle to repress your sobs as you shake your head and push away just enough to look at him.

"It's not your fault. I was being stupid, I should of said something."

He smiled and nodded, seemingly content with your answer.

"Why don't we go sit down and watch a movie? You can pick it out."

You nod back, and that's enough for him to give your shoulders a squeeze as he moves to let go, but you don't let him.

"Wait."

He looks back, expression encouraging as he waits for you to continue speaking.

"If he's not in the basement, where did you put him?"

His smile stays on his face, but it looks strained. His eyes lose that warmth they had before, an empty quality entering them. You're painfully aware of the fact that you and Ben are the only two left in the house, and how close you are to the basement. A chill runs down your spine.

"Do you really want to know that?"

His hands were still gripping your shoulders, and you had a feeling they would stay there until you gave him the right answer.

"No." You lie.

He lets out a breath, and so do you, both of you relaxing at your submission. His hands fall from your shoulders, going to your back as he guides you away from the basement.

"That's for the best." He says. "You don't need to be worrying about that, alright? That's what I'm here for."

You nod, at a loss for what else to do as he guides you towards the living room.

The next day, you notice a new lock on the basement door. Neither of you comment on it.

#yandere #platonic yandere #yandere platonic #yandere original character #yandere oc #x reader #yandere x reader #gn reader

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sokkastyles · 1 year

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I think a lot of people don't understand that Azula turning against everyone in her life who isn't Ozai is literally a symptom of Ozai's grooming. It is NOT a sign that "everyone failed her," especially when we do see people trying to reach out to her. But people who groom children work to be the only person in that child's life that they feel they can trust, because it's easier for them to then exploit that trust.

And do you know what? The grooming process does not stop with the child victim. It usually involves other adults in the child's life as well, as the abuser both gains the trust of their victim's trusted adults while also working to further that rift and isolate the victim.

Ursa is actually a really good example of this, because she was also being groomed by Ozai to the point where she was forced into a situation where the only way she could help her children would put her out of their lives forever, and by that time Ozai had already created enough of a rift between Ursa and Azula that Ursa's attempts to teach Azula kindness just increased that rift.

To look at this situation and say that Ursa, or Iroh, or Zuko, or anyone other than Ozai is at fault is to buy into Ozai's manipupativeness.

Btw, Ursa saying in the comics to both her children that she "didn't love them enough" and blaming herself for the things Ozai did to all three of them is also a symptom of being groomed by Ozai, not an objective admission of guilt, smh.

#azula #zuko #ursa #ozai #abuse cw #iroh

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ixlander · 2 years

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What is the family? So deep runs the idea that the family is the exclusive place where people are safe, where people come from, where people are made, and where people belong, it doesn’t even feel like an idea anymore. Let us unpick it, then. The family is the reason we are supposed to want to go to work, the reason we have to go to work, and the reason we can go to work. It is, at root, the name we use for the fact that care is privatized in our society. And because it feels synonymous with care, “family” is every civic-minded individual’s raison d’être par excellence: an ostensibly non-individualist creed and unselfish principle to which one voluntarily signs up without thinking about it. What alternative could there be? The economic assumption that behind every “breadwinner” there is a private someone (or someones) worth being exploited for, notably some kind of wife—that is, a person who is likely a breadwinner too—“freely” making sandwiches with the hard-won bread, or hiring someone else to do so, vacuuming up the crumbs, and refrigerating leftovers, such that more bread can be won tomorrow: this feels to many of us like a description of “human nature.” Without the family, who or what would take responsibility for the lives of non-workers, including the ill, the young, and the elderly? This question is a bad one. We don’t hesitate to say that nonhuman animals are better off outside of zoos, even if alternative habitats for them are growing scarcer and scarcer and, moreover, they have become used to the abusive care of zoos. Similarly: transition out of the family will be tricky, yes, but the family is doing a bad job at care, and we all deserve better. The family is getting in the way of alternatives. In part, the vertiginous question “what’s the alternative?�� arises because it is not just the worker (and her work) that the family gives birth to every day, in theory. The family is also the legal assertion that a baby, a neonatal human, is the creation of the familial romantic dyad; and that this act of authorship in turn generates, for the authors, property rights in “their” progeny—parenthood—but also quasi-exclusive accountability for the child’s life. The near-total dependence of the young person on these guardians is portrayed not as the harsh lottery that it patently is, but rather as “natural,” not in need of social mitigation, and, furthermore, beautiful for all concerned. Children, it is proposed, benefit from having only one or two parents and, at best, a few other “secondary” caregivers. Parents, it is supposed, derive nothing so much as joy from the romance of this isolated intensity. Constant allusions to the hellworld of sheer exhaustion parents inhabit notwithstanding, their condition is sentimentalized to the nth degree: it is downright taboo to regret parenthood. All too seldom is parenthood identified as an absurdly unfair distribution of labor, and a despotic distribution of responsibility for and power over younger people. A distribution that could be changed. Like a microcosm of the nation-state, the family incubates chauvinism and competition. Like a factory with a billion branches, it manufactures “individuals” with a cultural, ethnic, and binary gender identity; a class; and a racial consciousness. Like an infinitely renewable energy source, it performs free labor for the market. Like an “organic element of historical progress,” writes Anne McClintock in Imperial Leather, it worked for imperialism as an image of hierarchy-within-unity that grew “indispensable for legitimating exclusion and hierarchy” in general. For all these reasons, the family functions as capitalism’s base unit—in Mario Mieli’s phrase, “the cell of the social tissue.” It may be easier to imagine the end of capitalism, as I’ve riffed elsewhere, than the end of the family. But everyday utopian experiments do generate strands of an altogether different social tissue: micro-cultures which could be scaled up if the movement for a classless society took seriously the premise that households can be formed freely and run democratically; the principle that no one shall be deprived of food, shelter, or care because they don’t work.

Sophie Lewis, Abolish the Family

#sophie lewis #abolish the family

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krysmcscience · 4 months

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Oh, hey, remember these cute lil kiddos who totally aren't evil or anything?

Yeah, they're in color now. And still very much actually evil.

pay no mind to the lazy background behind the orphans

Some more headcanon rambles under the cut:

Prior deets are here.

I've thought a little bit more about each Bishop's backstory kinda? But not too much - mostly just deciding how they met, and having fun assigning deaths to their families to allow for a continued cycle of abuse (in a sense). Each of the Bishops' families died in a way that relates to their eventual domains as gods, enabling them to lash out at others with the very things that left them as orphans. Because I'm nice to characters like that. And by nice I mean horrible. :D

Shamura:

Shamura's parents were already part of a cult, and had learned too much about a group of enemy heretics they'd been spying on, and thus their rather large family was slaughtered alongside the rest of the family's cult in the midst of the ongoing war. Shamura had been away to run an errand before the attack, and thus was unable to do anything about it (in parallel to how they did very little to protect their siblings from both Narinder and the Lamb). They were very close to their family, and the loss drove them to start finding new family in the form of other orphans they came across. It wasn't just the four who became their adopted siblings, but the others either did not survive, or simply couldn't keep up with Shamura's ambitions - to end the gods whose followers took up arms and cut down everyone Shamura knew.

Throughout their journeys, they intensely studied the ways of war, weaponry, and spellcasting, particularly curses; because, after all, gods could hardly be killed with mere mortal weapons. They also researched a great deal into the gods' crowns, as well as certain immortal entities who weren't quite gods, as the three birds seemed strangely neutral, and amenable to helping anyone who crossed their paths, all without asking for anything in return. Shamura's studies and research grew much easier once they met Kallamar, due to the circumstances of his upbringing.

Kallamar:

Kallamar's well-off but isolated family was wiped out by disease, spread intentionally by those who wanted to quickly wipe out proclaimed heretics, and Kallamar himself nearly died from the sickness, as well. He was found by Shamura, who had only been intending to rob the manor he lived in, but offered to nurse him back to health if he would grant them use of the place as a base of operations. He agreed, so Shamura did as they offered, with some assistance from their entourage, which by that time already included Heket.

Once Kallamar was on the mend, he was informed of precisely who was responsible for the obliteration of his family. He chose to join Shamura's group in seeking vengeance, and began to learn how to utilize various weapons from them. Due to his cowardly tendencies, though, on his own time, he focused more on subtler methods that he could use up until being backed into a corner - poisons, mainly, before expanding to contagions created from a mix of curses and natural elements. Kallamar's manor remained a base of operations for the siblings up until the beginnings of the Old Faith were established, and their respective temples constructed.

Heket:

Heket was an only child, and her parents both starved to death; they were farmers whose livestock died out across several consecutive crop failures. Those failures were made worse by intentional sabotage from several feuding cults situated nearby, as none of them wanted to risk letting their enemies barter for critical food supplies. Heket managed to survive by consuming her own parents' bodies, as well as those of dead cultists she came across while trying to go on living as close to normally as she could, though when it was realized that she was alone, her home was invaded while she was out looking for more food. Furious at the audacity, she torched the place with the interlopers still inside, and set out in search of a new home - and more food, which she was not picky about.

She would steal anything she could to eat from campsites and cult grounds, and for good measure, she would set anything she couldn't carry with her ablaze before moving on - equal parts distraction and a means to starve out potential enemies. She crossed paths with Shamura by chance - alone - and attempted to rob them of their food. They were more clever than she expected, though, and by now already used to desperately hungry orphans trying to nick a meal. To her surprise, Shamura invited her to eat with their small group, and between the food and the talk of bringing down the many warring cults one by own, Heket decided to continue traveling with Shamura - whether they wanted her to or not. Fortunately, they did, as she was already quickly learning the tricks to thievery, and had a knack for utilizing explosives. (I will die on this hill. She blew me up so many times, Kallamar had nothing on her.)

Leshy:

Leshy's nomadic family was killed in a freak accident - a lightning strike right in the middle of a random ambush by traveling cultists. Being little more than a toddler, Leshy initially survived by burrowing out of sight, and then by disarming the attackers with how deceptively cute he looked. On a whim, one of the cultists decided to try to indoctrinate him, and he was carried along with the group until nightfall - after which, in a fit of pure unhinged toddler fury, he wrecked their campsite AND their faces before fleeing underground. He survived just short of feral for a while, catching his food (animals and people) in the pit traps he'd learned to make from his family. After that, he wound up wandering close enough to Kallamar's manor to spot a group of kids heading inside, and decided to be the little menace he is.

He started off digging traps around the manor - and definitely ate at least one of the orphan kids - before graduating to breaking and entering. He nicked food, toys, and/or weapons each time, mostly just for the fun of it, before Shamura eventually managed to catch Leshy in a trap he couldn't burrow or bite his way out of (and his cute puppy eyes were not going to work on them anymore - not after the first two dozen times). Kallamar attempted to make Leshy fix all that he'd broken in the manor, as well as return everything he'd stolen, with very minimal success. Heket wound up being the one to bring Leshy more or less to heel, mostly by feeding him and showing off all the cool ways she could blow things up, which he found entertaining enough to become slightly more bearable around other people. For a long time, however, having him around was more or less like living with a half-feral and all-manic hyperactive animal without any concept of or care for social niceties. Kallamar did not appreciate all the property damage, but conceded to Shamura's certainty that Leshy's...unique skillset would be useful going forward. (Naturally, they were not wrong.)

Narinder:

In keeping with parallels - more than one this time, even - Narinder attacked and killed his own family. Eventually, at least, and as retribution, because his parents saw him as the runt of the litter, too needy and not worth the effort it would take to keep him alive. He was not merely abandoned, but sold off for a pittance to cultists, who wanted to sacrifice him to the then-god of death. Being as small as he was at the time, however, he was able to squeeze out of his shackles and wriggle from his chains on the way to the cult's ritual grounds, sneaking away while his captors were distracted. He did not go far, however - he was too furious with them for that. He trailed after them, instead, waiting until nightfall, and strangled the leader in their sleep with the very chains they'd put on him, before cutting the throats of the rest of the sleeping cultists. He then attempted to track down his traitorous family by following scent trails, but was soon thwarted by a downpour. Still, he vowed to find them one day, and sacrifice them the same way he would have been had he not escaped.

The deets for his meeting his siblings are in the prior post, so that really just leaves his family's deaths. After Shamura began their rise to power, their growing influence - along with help from the other siblings - made it easy for Narinder to discover where his parents and littermates had taken refuge. With his own influence in Shamura's budding cult, he faced no issues with ordering his "family" to be brought to him for sacrifice, though he did briefly fly off the handle and cut down his father for being the one to suggest selling the runt. Speaking of which - Narinder was quite delighted to let his so-called family see how much bigger he was than all of them by that point. He was equally delighted to behead every last family member himself, and to desecrate their remains by putting various pieces of them on display around the cult grounds. I'd say his adoptive siblings were disturbed by this, but. Obviously, every last one is fucked up enough to where we all know they weren't. <:]

At some point I'll share the toxic obsessive Narilamb AU that draws from this backstory, lmao, but for now I need to sleep. X_X;

#fanart #cult of the lamb #cotl #cotl bishops #cotl narinder #colt shamura #cotl kallamar #cotl heket #cotl leshy #all of these kids probably could have been normal if their lives hadn't gone completely off the rails so early on #well. except for narinder #he was fucked up and ready to stab a bitch the second he came into the world #and we all love him for it #i am so tired lol #EDIT: oh right - the scars on narinder's forehead were from the cultists he was sold to - another reason he was so pissed at them #they were trying to carve the symbols of their god into him but he kept moving around so they just ended up looking like trash ahaha

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toomanythoughts2 · 5 months

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Victim or Cohort? Anja Wartooth and Toki Wartooth's Relationship Theories

Hello again! My full thoughts and analysis will be under the cut away just like last time!

I have spent a considerable amount of time thinking about these two characters and their relationship, and I thought it was about time that I put all of it down in one place. Anja Wartooth is an incredibly interesting character to me and it's a shame we don't see too much of her.

So, for the most part, this post will be about what the title says:

Was Anja Wartooth a victim just like Toki or was she a cohort to her husband's abuse toward Toki AND whichever she is, how has that affected her relationship with her son?

Evidence for Victimhood

Cults and Women

"From an abandoned village near Lilliehammer, Norway, Anja and the Reverend Aslaug Wartooth." - Senator Stampingston "Dethfam"

Anja Wartooth is a very mysterious character in Metalocalypse when we are first introduced to her in "Dethfam". She is a very single sided character, "the wife" "the mother" and once we learn a little more "the abuser". Anja's role as we see her as the fans is just that and nothing else. However, when we start digging through the actual background we are being given by Brendon Smalls, a much more disturbing image is being created. In order for us the understand what is being presented, we need to understand what is happening and what does that mean for her.

There are very few things we know about her but the most important to remember right now is that Anja is married to a cult leader.

"Toki's father [Aslaug] was the local leader of a mysterious and cultish sect of Christianity, which likely involved vows of silence and extreme disciplinarianism." - Metalocalypse Wiki

Anja is married to a cult leader, we as the fans are fully aware of that. But what does that really mean?

It means that Anja has no control over herself or her child.

Dr. Alexandra Stein wrote a short essay on the effects of women in cults called, "Cults are terrifying. But they're even worse for women." She has multiple years of research in the field dealing with cults and what they do to women, specifically their reproductive freedom. In her essay, she highlights how motherhood is taken over by a cult leader in order to force the woman to focus their attention on them, and not the child. This could mean forcing abortions on women or forbidding birth control so that child are convinced whenever. She also includes that when parental attention is given to the child, the cult community rules dictate how that attention happens. Women in cults are also exposed to sexual abuse and their children are exposed to child abuse, often times overlapping each other depending on what type of cult they are in. Child sexual abuse is not uncommon in cults, such as in the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints, where Warren Jeffs, their leader, is in prison for sexual abuse toward girls.

"In short, women’s right to control their bodies, their child-bearing, their sexuality and their mothering are all taken away in cults as the leader grabs control of these most intimate parts of their lives. Women don’t choose this: They are groomed, brought in slowly and gradually separated from their previous lives and close relationships. Once isolated within the cult, and suﬀocated within its closed world, it becomes almost impossible for followers to maintain their independence. At a certain point, it becomes easier to simply give in, stop thinking and accept the new norms." - Dr. Alexandra Stein, "Cults are terrifying. But they're even worse for women."

When reviewing the article, this specific scene from "Dethdad" came to mind. It's during Toki's flashbacks of all of the abuse he had gone through, and this is one of those things he remembers. Not only is this traumatizing to Toki, but, with the knowledge we know now, it's probably traumatizing to Anja. The last bit that Dr. Stein says, "It becomes easier to simply give in." really resonates with me with how Anja is simply "giving in" to her husband's desires. Take a close look at her. Does she look like she's enjoying it? NO!

Now that we know that cult leaders have a reputation of separating mother and child to keep the woman's focus on the leader, lets look at the Wartooths. Aslaug separating the interactions between Toki and Anja to keep Anja in line would be on par for a cult leader. They live in an abandoned village outside of Lilliehammer, so they are cut off from the rest of the world, keeping her and Toki severely isolated. Anja really only has her husband, the cult leader, and the few members of their cult that we see in "Dethdad". (The wiki hints that these people are also Toki's family, which further pushes Anja into isolation if those people in the cult are Aslaug's family, NOT Anja's!) Another small hint at reproductive abuse is the age of Anja and Aslaug. We don't know canonically their ages, but they are drawn in a fashion where they are much older parents, probably way older than they should be to be bringing in a child. Which raises the question, does Anja have access to birth control? My guess, probably not.

Another moment of mothering abuse would be the one time we see Anja hit Toki in "Dethkids." It was under the supervision of Aslaug. This cosines with the idea that mothering in a cult is only allowed to the extent of what the leader wants. Aslaug is a disciplinarian, which would make sense why he would oversee how the mother interacts with the child, and does as he wants, not what the mother wants.

This is a side note, in "Dethkids", this scene lasts for 18 seconds. 17 of those seconds were just Anja staring at Toki before slapping him.

What all of this information means to me is that Aslaug purposefully withheld Anja from forming a mother/son relationship with Toki, furthering his abuse on Anja and Toki. Based on Dr. Stein's essay, Aslaug most likely abused Anja as well, as it fits in their cult leader/wife dynamic. I feel like this is good evidence toward Anja being a victim of a cult and having to conform to his ideals in order to survive.

Aslaug's Abuse Toward Toki

Aslaug is a cult leader, a malicious man who has beaten and abused Toki. From the wiki, Aslaug is characterized to, "[petrify] [Toki] by any proximity to Aslaug, physical or mental." whereas Anja (granted her wiki is severely lacking) has no mention of bringing such a state to Toki.

Here is a list of all the ways Toki has been abused on screen:

Forced into the Punishment Hole (Underground pit) in inadequate clothing and in subfreezing weather.

Switched across back, legs, and arms till bleeding, leaving with open wounds and no medical care.

Chained to wall.

Pushing the "Wheel of Pain" mill.

Carrying boxes of rocks uphill in inadequate clothing.

Carrying logs and stacking them in inadequate clothing.

Face slapping.

Sweeping snow in inadequate clothing.

Walking in parents having sex (I personally see this as sexual abuse and control.)

A type of abuse we don't see on screen but is in the concept art of "Dethzazz", Aslaug hitting Toki's bare back with a horse whip when he breaks the wooden spoke.

In the special features episode, "Family," Toki states that he was spanked as a child. "I often thinks of the days in Norway when family. Pants down. Spank." - Toki

(I understand that spanking is a controversial topic when discussing child abuse, but I'm going to go on a limb here and say that Toki was not spanked in a "normal" fashion, and was probably beaten horribly.)

Now, I would like to remind everyone that the only time we see Anja being an active abuser is in "Dethkids" when she slaps Toki across the face. That is the ONLY time Anja does something like that. This, however, does not disqualify the indirect abuse she put Toki through by being a bystander and letting the abuse continue at the hands of Aslaug. Nor does this disqualify her from possibly having other direct roles in Toki's abuse, but, with the evidence that is shown, Aslaug is seen much more than Anja in Toki's abuse. However, Anja can be both guilty of indirect abuse and be a victim at the same time.

For example, in "Doomstar Requiem", when Toki sings "I Believe", there is a flashback when he says, "My familys, they didn't cares about mes" This is what is shown. Toki is obviously holding an acoustic guitar by the shape of the body that is shown and the wooden neck. He is showing it to his family and Aslaug is the one telling Toki that he has to leave, not Anja, though, she looks more disgusted with it than Aslaug. Here is more proof that Aslaug is the one making these decisions about and for Toki, not Anja, but Anja could have stepped in and stopped it.

With that being said, I would not be a far reach to state that Aslaug was the main abuser.

Lingering Effects

From what we know about Adult Toki and his abuse, is that Toki is severely traumatized. From their first meeting, Aslaug (and Anja by omission, but only because the wiki states that Aslaug causes Toki stress, not Anja) sent Toki into a catatonic state for three days in "Dethfam". He did not speak in those three days, a distinctive characteristic of Aslaug's cult. It is also a predecessor to "Dethzazz" where we learn that his catatonic state takes the form of the Punishment Hole, something we have only seen Aslaug send Toki to, not Anja.

Aslaug has also created a phobia in Toki of Bicentennial Quarters because they look like the entrance to the Punishment Hole. Toki is so scared of them that he has to be drugged in order to calm down from this phobia. This relays to the audience that Toki is so scared and traumatized by his time in the Punishment Hole that his body physically can not function around a quarter because it looks vaguely like it.

It's worth noting that in "Dethzazz" when Toki is stuck in his Punishment Hole, a spider hybrid with his father's head comes to attack Toki in his mind. He only comes around when Little Toki is by himself in his hole with his clown doll nowhere to be found, in his most vulnerable state. In his dissociative mind, the creatures that came to attack Toki were snakes and a Spider/Dad hybrid! Not Anja, Aslaug! This is important because it points out that Aslaug is Toki's main stressor.

One of Toki's most important arcs (in my opinion) is Toki age regressing slowly throughout the show until we get to "Army of the Doomstar", where it is confirmed by Pickles in the church. The reason Toki started regressing in the first place can be originated at "Dethfam" where Toki is forced to see his parents again. We see Toki voluntarily use age regression to cope and calm himself down, like the usage of his Deaddy Bear, coloring, playing with his toys (model planes), and his love for plushies. Those are only the few things I can remember off the top of my head. From there, throughout the seasons, Toki begins to regress more and more, until we get to "Doomstar Requiem", where once he is rescued, it really kicks it into overdrive. Simply, Toki's abuse (and captivity, which resembles a LOT of his own childhood abuse) has traumatized him so badly, that he has to age regress to cope, which went from voluntarily to involuntarily.

Everyone who loves Toki, knows that scene in "Snakes n' Barrels II" where Toki beats the shit out of that guy at the sober concert. However, it is important to remember that the episode right before that is "Dethdad". The Tribunal said in "Dethdad", "Toki has suppressed his feelings for his father. His death may ignite long-dormant emotions. He will spin out of control into a vortex of madness. He will bring death to us all."

I have a theory that, with the stress of his father dying, blaming himself for his death, and being in a crowded concert while being sober, was the reason he really went apeshit on that guy. The tribunal was giving us foreshadowing into the next episode (or two, if you watched it on TV and had to see it split up). With that being said, what the Tribunal predicted would happen, did happen, at least to one person. His repressed rage after his father's death while being overstimulated and sober caused a chain reaction in Toki.

I do not believe Toki to be a overtly violent man, despite his affliction toward sadism and power trips at times. "Dethkids" showed the audience that Toki's rage comes from his childhood abuse during "Toki's Song". The montage of his flashbacks show Aslaug and Anja abusing him, which hints that Toki does have some lingering anger toward his mother. This further proves the Tribunal's warning of Toki spinning out of control after his death.

Which brings us to our next effect, drinking. My theory is that, because Toki was sober when he beat up that guy (plus fully aware of his feelings about his father), he started drinking to combat any possibility of doing it again. I do believe that Toki does not feel good about what he did to that man once he regained his mind. So, in order to stop from thinking about his father and about beating that man close to death, he will do what he wasn't doing at the concert, which was drinking. Obviously, this leads the band to start to seriously worry about Toki and even have Nathan break the "No Caring" policy. Thankfully, Toki was able to kick that after the Season 2 Finale.

While this next effect may be a little meta, it's still an important aspect that I would like to talk about. Toki's panic attacks we see in the show, specifically the one in "Bookklok", are a result of his abuse. Abused children have a significantly larger chance of developing anxiety and panic-like symptoms and disorders. Toki was abused severely, but especially when he needed to be "punished" for breaking the rules. From my point of view, this means that Toki's panic attacks occur when he messes up something and thinks he is going to be punished again, like in "Bookklok", when he steps on his guitar AUX and messes up his solo. Something else to note, in the Metaloclaypse Wiki, it states that, "What Toki suffered from was most likely hyperpneic syndrome, usually called hyperventilation. If one breaths too much too quickly, the amount of carbon dioxide in the blood decreases, and an attack occurs." Toki's panic attack being hyperventilation related could also relate to Norway's high altitude and a his failure of acclimatization (which takes 3 to 5 days), which would have made his attack that much more severe, leading him to collapse like he did.

(This one might be a a stretch, but in "Dethrecord" when Toki accidently delete's Skwisgaar's guitar part, he does panic and plead with Skwisgaar to not kick him out of the band, even offering to suck his dick. I know it's meant to be a funny moment, but that was real fear out of Toki. This could align with a much younger Toki panicking and pleading with his father to not kick him out of the home and into the Punishment Hole, even descending into some desperate attempts to prevent it. I don't necessarily believe that Toki was ever sexually abused by his parents, but the likelihood of it happening is still very high, especially since Toki lives with the leader of the cult.)

Pickles Parallel

Toki is not the only one with a problem with his father. Everyone except Nathan (though he might of fixed his father issues off camera) has father issues, but the one member that reflects him the most is Pickles. Pickles has a horrible relationship with his father. I'm going to be honest, I don't think they have a single scene together where they talk to each other other than the flashback. "Fatherklok" is the one I want to focus on because that is where we see Pickles and Toki coming together to talk about their fathers, and what they have to say about them.

In the beginning, Toki says to Charles, "So, my dads just died. and I'm totally cool with it." (He's lying.)

Pickles says, "Look, I got no relationship with my dad other than I hate him, you know? [Flashback] You know, I realized the other day that I don't even know his first name. And I'm proud. I'm proud to know that I don't know that." (He is also lying.)

Through out the beginning, we see Pickles (And Toki in the very beginning when he's talking to Nathan in the kitchen but mostly Pickles) trying to get Murderface to "father" him a little but is chased off my Murderface while he favors Skwisgaar. This enrages him and he is seen destroying his endangered animals room.

Pickles says, "Why does Murderface favor Skwisgaar over me? What's wrong with me?" Which Toki asks if Murderface is really doing it and asks how it's going while looking sad. Pickles says it's going great and asks, "What about us?" Toki says he's being totally excluded and Pickle says, "Just like my old man did to me," with Toki agreeing. They both agree this is going to screw them up with Pickle's destroying a Murderface cup.

So at this point, we are aware that Pickles and Toki have lingering emotions about their father, about being excluded, but also rage. This obviously concludes with Pickles beating up Murderface, with Toki joining in. So, this episode shows how Toki and Pickles relate to their rage about their fathers.

But what about their mothers?

"Motherklok" is a completely different vibe, with Pickles trying his best to form a relationship with his cold and distant mother, Molly. The episode is about Pickles changing himself in order to please his mother so they can have a relationship, something Pickles is still clinging on to. It's most likely not the first time their this has happened. As it goes, Pickles finally ends up breaking away from that toxic relationship when nothing pleases her by telling her to "Go Fuck Yourself." To me, this says that both Molly and Calvert were actively neglectful and abusive parents to Pickles on their own, and not together. Whereas with Toki, it seems that the abuse came mostly from one source, his father, with his mother following his commands. While we do not see the Toki and Pickle's parallel in the episode itself, there is evidence throughout other episodes that, unlike Pickles, Toki was able to form a relationship with his mother.

Toki and Anja's Relationship

Pre-Dethdad Death

Speaking Terms

I think the biggest cue that Toki has a relationship with his mother and it's on good terms is that they talk to each other. In the beginning of "Dethdad", we see Toki getting a call from his mother. We know it's from his mother because he says, "Mor?" which is Norwegian for "Mother." The full translation is from the Metalocalypse Wiki:

«Hellos? – Mor? Ja... kreft? Han er nesten død? Han hoster opp blod? Okay, ha det bra!» "

"Hellos? – Mother? Yes... cancer? He's almost dead? He coughs up blood? Okay, goodbye/see you!"

From this scene, we can tell that,

Anja has Toki's number

Toki wouldn't just give his number out to his parents after having no contact with them in over 10 years without some kind of compromise. I believe that Toki giving his number to his mother was that compromise.

Toki picks up the phone for his mother

In "Dethmas", it is concluded that the band can see the names of whoever is calling before answering. The scene of Nathan, Pickles, and Skwisgaar getting calls from their mothers, ignoring them, then getting calls from each others mothers, while continuingly ignoring them is telling to how Toki picks up his phone. There was no hesitation in Toki picking up his phone. I don't believe that Anja would have her own phone until after Aslaug's death, so Toki asking "Mor?" to clarify it's her is more aligned with Anja using someone else's phone. But even having getting that clarification, he does not end the phone call and continues it. She has probably called him before with this same method.

Anja is speaking

Anja is from a cult where they value mutism. Her choosing to call her son herself instead of getting someone else to do it is a spiritual sacrifice. She is putting her values aside to talk to him personally and give this terrible news about his father. She is controlling something about her and Toki's relationship, the act of communication. How many times do you think she has spoken to Toki while he grew up that wasn't under the eyes of Aslaug?

This is important in terms of their relationship because in "Dethfam", Toki has not spoken in 3 days and was catatonic. Going from that to having a full conversation with his mother on the phone is a huge step. Not only that, but the conversation starts and ends appropriately. There is a hello, there is a good bye. There is a small but meaningful conversation happening between them.

In the same episode, we do see Aslaug speak to Toki, but we don't know exactly what he said. We do know it was a demand. What was it? CARRY ME UP THIS MOUNTAIN AND PUT ME IN MY CHILDHOOD COTTAGE! And what did Toki do his entire life? CARRY HEAVY OBJECTS UP MOUNTIANS! His last and quite possibly only words to Toki was a demand to carry another heavy object up a mountain. The difference between these two conversation sets each parent apart as in how they view Toki.

Post-Dethdad Death

Secret Santa Presents

The last time we see Anja is during "Dethmas". I'll go into detail about Anja herself but for now, lets focus on what interactions we do see. Toki and Anja don't physically interact, unless you consider Toki and Anja standing next to each other before boarding the Dethbus a physical interaction. What we do see however are the presents Toki buys for his secret Santa. One of those presents are for his mother!

Now mind you, there has been 6 episodes in between "Dethdad" and "Dethmas", including "Renovationklok" which states a nine month time jump. In the episode, Nathan speaks to the boys about not giving their mothers alcohol because of "last time". This alludes to their being at least one Christmas before this Christmas episode. So Toki and Anja have had one Christmas together already. (Toki does state after they view the Christmas DVD that "their [mothers] are going to ruin Christmas" but this more likely to alludes to the drinking and horniness than them actually being there, as they all share the same Christmas spirit as him.)

This means that Toki's relationship with his mother has developed so much that he is comfortable enough getting her a present. But also the quality of the gift will probably high. Toki states to the rest of the band when they won't agree to secret Santa that, "I aints listens to you no more! I'ms going shoppings! Yes! Shoppin's! To buy each and every ones of yous a gifts! and I wants to sees de looks on all your fat fucking faces whens I gives you greats presents! Ha Ha! Fucks you!"

Toki was out buying presents for his loved ones with the clear intention of them being good presents. He has gifts for all of the members of Dethklok, Charles, Dr. Rockso (that god damn back stabbing son of a bitch), and his mom! He does not get a gift for any of the other mothers or anyone else, just these people. This clearly shows that Toki values his mother enough to get her a good Christmas gift.

Dethbus Scene

This is a small scene, but I wanted to highlight how the other mothers speak to their sons (and the other members plus Knubbler) VS. Toki and Anja. The other mothers are comfortable enough to yell and hit their sons and the other members while trying to find a parking spot. Now, neither Toki or Anja speak during this scene, but it's also important to note that the other mothers have never spoken poorly to Toki or hit him before. Whether this is because the dynamic between Toki and his family is a lot more psychological (to showcase his own kind of parental abuse) or Anja (and Aslaug) have a clear boundary that only they can speak or hit Toki, is up for interpretation. But the point is that Anja has never said a bad word to Toki or hit him on screen other than that one flashback whereas the other mothers have! It sets them apart from the rest of the group.

(Granted! Toki may be so screwed up that being around his parents might make him act more appropriately, but the later half of the episode kind of disproves that with the drinking scene and Toki trying to fight Dr. Rockso in clear sight of his mother.)

Their relationship as mother and son has improved since the death of his father. It's not perfect, and it probably never will be. Anja herself has to go through a lot of personal growth before I think Toki and her will ever have a normal relationship. That's why her relationship with the other mothers is so important for her and Toki's relationship.

Anja Post Aslaug's Death

Dethmom's Girl Group

Toki and Anja's relationship will not change until Anja herself changes. Anja is a victim of a cult, where her choices were taken from her. Now with her husband dead, she is able to finally branch out and do things for herself. It will take years for her to fully express who Anja is, but her relationship with the other Dethmoms are so important to this development. "Dethmas" shows us that Anja has taken refuge with the other mothers, something we do not see Pre-Dethdad.

The Dethmoms, while not the best bunch, are probably the closet Anja has to friends. We do not see her with friends beforehand and the people at Aslaug's deathbed are (I am assuming) are Aslaug's family and their congregation. Anja is around four very different types of women, all of which have very different views, mannerisms, and styles. This is something she would have never been allowed near in a cult, especially one that values her modesty, mutism and devotion to Christ. (It's believed that her cult is Christian based, and her veil is closet to a Christian nun.)

These women are all very different from Anja and yet! They are genuinely happy to be around her and have her as their friend. "Dethmas" proves this!

We have Serverta, who's most obvious traits are her provocative style and manners, as to Anja's cloak and veil. Molly is from a heavy drinking family, something that Anja is never seen doing. Then there is Stella, who's way of speaking differs from Anja in both vocabulary and volume, while Anja is still silent around the group. Then there is Rose, the all American typical housewife, with a mostly normal life, something Anja does not have.

An important aspect of their relationship is that they include Anja in their adventures, even when she herself may not be 100% in. During the flashbacks to their first Christmas, we see Anja with the girls while they are fooling around getting drunk and messing with each other sexually. They don't push her past her limits and instead, let her do her own thing while with them.

They don't pressure her to play twister (She's not seen in the photo). They don't come on to her in the sauna and instead let her make a move on someone else (I find this incredibly important to the flashback of Anja with Aslaug in bed! This is Anja making a move on her own and exploring her choices and NOT having someone on top of her while she looks away. SHE'S TOUCHING THEM! SHES LOOKING! SHE'S FULLY DRESSED! This is obviously her choice! Sexual freedom! Lesbian maybe??) They don't make her drink or participate with the male strippers. This is something she is never seen doing, which also separates her from the group but never excludes her.

A deleted scene where Dr. Rockso (why did they give him such a fat ass here?) is entertaining the moms during the same episode shows Anja in a skimpier dress and actually participating in the strip tease show. (Could this be where Toki gets his love for clowns? Maybe!) This, mixed in with the scraped "Sexy Dress" Anja, is probably set after Murderface gets funding for his Christmas Special and the moms need to be entertained in the montage. Point is, they always include her and never push her past her boundaries and let her make her own decisions. Which brings us to the mall!

The group actively acknowledges Anja and speaks to her like a true friend. They see her as who she is but also someone who is worth change. The conversation before her makeover goes as such:

"You know something, Anja. Now that you're single maybe you should find your sexy side?" - Rose

"Ooh, let's do a fucking makeover and make Anja a little sexy kitty cat." - Stella

The group is shown helping Anja find something else to wear and picking out makeup behind Murderface's phone calls. Could you imagine being in a cult for years, wearing the same thing as everyone else, and then suddenly these people who care about you, and see you as a woman and a friend, want to help you change into yourself?

I also like the detail of Serverta trying to get Anja to wear the scrapped skimpy dress from before but Rose comes in with a scarf instead and then Serverta appraises it! Like, she held up what she believes Anja could pull off (Serverta wants the girls to be girling) while Rose recognizes it might be too much too early and chooses just a simple touch instead. Serveta is supportive about it as well! They aren't pushing her into someone she isn't, they're working toward giving her self confidence and finding out who she is! Girl groups are so important for this very reason. Anja probably never had a "And we were girls together" moment. This IS her moment! They just want the best for her, which is probably so different from her life before. She is experiencing for the first time what life can really be like without the cult or her husband.

At the end of the episode, we know that the mothers get drunk and crash the Christmas Special. All but one is seen drinking, Anja. Despite their drunkenness, they still include Anja. Molly even sits next to her on stage. But not only that, ANJA IS SEEN WEARING HER SCARF AND MAKE UP FROM BEFORE! There have been multiple days since they went to the mall so that means she bought and kept the scarf and make up. SHE PUT IT ON HERSELF AND WANTED TO FEEL PRETTY! SHE WANTED TO JOIN IN ON THE ADVENTURE AND DO HER OWN THING! This is a step toward making her own choices and boosting her self-confidence! Anja is slowly but surely finding herself within the girl group!

Obviously, this group of women are not the best women Anja could have chosen, but's the group she needs. They are loud, boisterous, sexual, crazy, and opinionated women. They are not afraid to do stupid shit like their sons and have fun. They also all have done something to their children, so none of them can judge the other too harshly. Anja is in a boat of similar women, those who have done bad things before but are still living, still growing, still caring about their sons either way. It would be hard for Anja to be in a group of women who have been perfect, kind, and had a happy life with no parental/child issues. Anja sees these women as the only ones who could ever truly understand her. Hopefully, with more time, Anja will become the woman she never dreamed she could be with the help and guidance of her friends.

Counterpoints

I do want to point out some counterpoints in this theory just to round it out.

Narcissism and Indifference

I know that there is also a good chance that Anja may just not care enough about Toki to feel either way about him. Her inaction could be just that, inaction. Anja could have had all the power in the world to stop Aslaug from abusing Toki and she chose not to, because she simply did not care enough about him. Anja could be narcissistic and only care about Toki in the sense of, "What does that have to do with me?" She'll accept the gifts, she'll make the phone calls, but it's all about what she wants or what her husband wants. She could have very well only called Toki because she needed something from him for her dying husband and nothing more. Toki is a very rich man and with Aslaug gone and unable to provide for her like he once did, she might be using Toki's kindness as a way to care for herself and herself alone. The other Dethmoms do show signs of narcissism, just like their sons. It would not be far to believe that Anja is the same way. When the cross falls on Toki during "Dethmas", Anja is sitting right in front of him, listening to him scream. She does nothing. She probably listened to Toki's screams as a child and did the same thing. Nothing.

Toki's Imagination

Toki has a very vivid imagination and a desperation for love and connection. Toki also has a very hard time in picking good and long lasting friends, giving people more chances then they deserve with him.

We see this with Dr. Rockso. Dr. Rockso is a constant pain in Toki's ass, hurting him and using him for drugs, but Toki and him still hang out all of the time. Toki considers Dr. Rockso to be his best friend even. (Granted, Dr. Rockso did stop those addicts in Doomstar Requiem so Dethklok could save Toki but still.)

We see this with his own father in "Dethdad", where he chooses to forgive the man who abused and neglected him all of his life. What person would do that? Someone who wants a connection with their parents no matter what. That's why Toki is so upset when he drops his father and he drowns under the lake. Despite this man abusing him beyond comprehension, Toki still finds it in his heart to forgive while desperate enough to cry over him.

Everyone Toki has ever loved has died. His guitar teacher, the little girl, his cat. All of them have died after he has or went to make a meaningful and loving connection with them. His mother is the sole person left of his immediate family. Toki would be desperate to make amends with her and try to have a connection and Anja, with no one else to turn to, accepts. Toki could very well be blocking out or ignoring the abuse that she has done to him in favor of remembering his father's so that he can forgive her easier and have a relationship.

We see this desperate attempt to make his childhood seem better and normal in "Dethzazz" when Toki is talking to Dr. Twinkletits about his childhood. He says he loved it while showing active abuse on the screen. In "Fertilityklok", Toki desperately wants to start a family and get a wife/girlfriend after being sick and tired of just random women. In "Dethcamp", Toki's desperation for a connection is clear when he goes to camp to meet up people and make friends, even letting people pick on him for his diabetes to fit in. In "Diversityclub", Toki is feeling left out and makes his own club so that can be included and accepted. In "Breakup Klok", Toki does not venture out on his own, but instead stays with Murderface as an unpaid intern to stay close with someone he cares about and cares about him. In "Doublebookedklok", Toki is acting out because of Charles being so busy by hitting people but once Charles tells him "everyone thinks you're really cool" and "you don't need to hit people to get their attention", Toki runs to hug him and he cries. In "Doomstar Requiem", Toki even refers to Magnus while chained and abused as "My friend!" Who calls their abuser "My friend"?

Toki blocking out the bad and accepting scraps of affection and connection is not out of the ordinary. He craves it and wants it more than anything in the world.

Conclusion

I believe that Anja Wartooth is a victim a cult and was unable to raise her son the way she wanted to and instead had to do as her husband said. However, years of being in a cult changed her, and she lost who she was in favor of keeping with the cults demands and wishes and creating a new "normal" for her. Aslaug was the main abuser toward Toki and hardly allowed Anja and Toki to be together without his supervision. Toki and Anja have a developing relationship since "Dethfam" and it has been shown to be improving over the years, especially after the death of Aslaug. Anja is slowing find herself through her connections and friendships with the other Dethmoms.

Anja and Toki have a long way to go but I do see them having a much better relationship with Aslaug out of the way.

______________________________________________________________

I hoped you enjoyed this analysis. I love Toki and his mother is super interesting to me. If we ever get an epilogue, I hope we see Anja again. Hopefully away from the cult and much happier.

#metalocalypse #toki wartooth #anja wartooth #metalocalypse theory #metalocalypse headcanons #pickles the drummer #skwisgaar skwigelf #william murderface #aslaug wartooth #toki headcanons #nathan explosion #dethmoms

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oleander-nin · 1 year

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Wolf In Sheep's Clothing(Yan! ROTTMNT x defiant reader)

A/N, not important: I just assumed 'dangerous' meant they fought back(aka, defiant). Also I wrote this in math class lmao. Any criticism is welcome, constructive or not. This is supposed to be a gender neutral reader, so if I screwed up somewhere, please tell me.

-Ollie

Tw: drugging(Donnie), kidnapping, manipulation, harm to reader, breaking bones, threatening nature, unconsentual touching(non-sexual), dark themes, abusive themes, food restriction/forced starvation as punishment, yandere themes

Words: 1244

Summary: The Yan ROTTMNT boys deal with a reader who's personality switches from sugary sweet to downright defiant.

Mikey:

He’s severely disappointed after he kidnaps you and you start to snap back. He tries to fall into his personas and talk it through with you, but gets severely frustrated at your pushback. He nearly cries when you try to hurt him.

He chains you to him, not wanting to be far from you. He’s convinced you’re just scared, and that you need reassurance. If you’re always with him, he can give it at a moment's notice.

He tries to win you over with food. You’re constantly fed your favorites and pampered to no end by him. Anything you want, he’ll try and get. He wants to bribe his way back into your heart, not seeing a single thing wrong with how he’s acting.

When you start to get heated, he pulls you close and wraps his chains around you to keep you from lashing out. He just situates you on the couch or his bed depending on where you both are and cuddles you until you calm down. He’ll make you sit with him for hours if he deems it necessary.

Freaks out everytime you try to hit him. He tries to convince himself it’s an accident for months. You’re so sweet, you would never do something like that to him. Once he realizes you’re lashing out and trying to hit him on purpose? He gets pissed.

He’ll strip you of all your old luxuries, taking away something you enjoy with every hit. Soon you’re not allowed any entertainment other than Mikey, being left with nothing to do but talk to him. He gives you less complicated meals, serving you the same thing he makes for the rest of his family instead of whatever you’re craving.

And if your anger still persists? He’ll tie you down and keep you isolated, only letting you see him and be in his room. He’ll break you down eventually, and he’s willing to wait.

Donnie:

Is completely unimpressed with your change in attitude. He treats you more as an unruly child than a person with valid feelings and wants. If you start complaining about a rule he set, he’ll just reexplain his reasons and shut you down when you argue. He’s the genius, he’s the one in the right.

Tries to keep you under check and placate you swiftly. He doesn’t want to deal with this version of you, he wants his love back. He’ll stop at nothing to get you back.

He’ll try setting up a reward system at first, wanting to not go straight into punishments. You’ve only been here for a few days, so he assumes you just don’t know better. He’ll reward what he deems as good behavior with sweets, time with him, or time doing your own thing. He wants to keep you happy and stimulated so you’ll appreciate him.

Drugs you the first time you try to fight him. He’ll experiment with different doses until he’s keeping you under some drug almost 24/7. If you won’t listen, he’ll just fix you himself. By keeping you too tired to fight back, he finds it much easier to hold you and love you. He’s able to keep you under his thumb fairly easily.

Takes you off the drugs once a week to see how much progress you made. If you’re still too much of a hassle, he’ll drug you again and wait a while. He doesn’t want to rush it.

Isn’t afraid to break a few fingers if you keep trying to fight. He’ll make you sick or break a leg once you get too unruly for his tastes. He’s not one to let bad behavior slide.

He’ll slowly work at making you calmer, trying to bring you back to your old personality. He loves you and is willing to work with you, wanting to bring you back to your old self. He isn’t going to lose you.

Raph:

He didn’t expect a thing. You were always so sweet, he was astonished when he saw how hard you were fighting him. Your constant punches and harsh words made him upset. He thought this would be a smooth transition, and he was harshly mistaken.

He tries so hard not to snap back. Seeing you fight him despite having almost no chance of winning was amusing at first, especially with your kind demeanor, but he can only take so much.

He’ll keep you tied and gagged in an attempt to keep the fighting down. He’ll pretend you’re fine, that you weren’t hurtling insults and curses at him just moments before.

If you actually get a hit on him, he’ll go quiet. He’ll throw you in his room and keep it locked, leaving you alone for hours on end. He doesn’t want to hurt you, but you make it so hard to hold himself back.

But if he loses his temper, and isn’t able to walk away? You’re going to find just how hard a genetically modified weapon of war can punch. He’ll probably break your arm by accident, not even noticing. He’ll grab you and yell, his grip getting tighter without him noticing. He doesn’t let go until you’re sobbing on the floor.

He really didn’t mean to hurt you, honest. Just listening to you tell him how much you hated him day after day made him snap. He can still take care of you, he just needs you to accept your place with him.

He’s constantly paranoid about you escaping. You’re too volatile to be trusted, so you’re either in his sight, or locked down tight. He’d be devastated to lose you. He just wants you to love him, and go back the way you were. You might want to hurry up though. Raph isn’t known for his patience.

Leo:

He knew it would happen and saw the signs. During his months of stalking, he saw how you got when you felt threatened or spited. He was prepared for the backlash when he took you. He was ready to smother the fire out.

He tries to give you a decent amount of leeway with your insults. He’s hurt you would say all these things, but he’s hoping if he shows he’s not a threat, you’ll calm down. Until you start fighting physically.

The first time you try to punch Leo, you're not allowed to eat for three days. He ties your arms behind your back and holds you close, squeezing tighter in warning every time you try to squirm away. He wants you to feel safe with him, but he refuses to let you steamroll over him. He’s ready to fight back.

If you ever get a good hit, or try to majorly harm him, he’ll break your hand. He’s tired of your resistance, and just wants you to love him. If you fearing him gives him an opening to your heart, he’ll jump for it. He’s not too picky about how you fall in love, just that you do.

Is constantly holding you or touching you. He’s treating you like a feral cat, trying to get you used to him by exposure. In his mind, you’re just frightened, so if he can get you used to him and his presence, you’ll soften back up.

Guilt trips and gaslights you to no end. He’s constantly telling you how he’s in the right, and that he’s only punishing you because of your behavior. He promises he’ll be sweeter once you do the same.

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snarky-magpie · 2 months

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My Black family headcanons. Possibly unpopular again, because I draw from canon a lot—look, power to everyone who chooses to disregard completely, but it hurts my OCD brain that grew up with the books. So. Here goes.

Orion and Walburga weren't as physically and magically abusive as the fandom makes them out to be. This is a big one. Possibly my biggest disagreement with fanon. That doesn't mean they were good parents at any rate. No. Just that they weren't physically abusive. Why do I think that? First, Sirius tells Harry many awful things about his family, but he never brings up being tortured, either by regular means or by magic. He does his best to paint his family as monsters and relay the contempt and hate he holds for every member of the Black clan (with a couple of exceptions). If his parents were abusive toward him, he wouldn't have hesitated to use it as further proof of what monsters they were. Second, he was allowed to decorate his room in Gryffindor colors and generally flaunt his differences, which once again suggests that his parents couldn't have punished him too severely for minor transgressions.

Any abuse going on was more likely psychological in nature. Arguably, this causes even more damage in the long run, and unlike physical abuse, it's not always obvious at first glance, or second, or tenth, which makes it particularly tricky to approach. And it's probably also the reason why fic writers choose to depict physical or magical abuse—it's just easier to describe and effective at gaining sympathy for the characters going through it from the readers. I think Orion and Walburga had strict rules for their children (they had to behave as befitted the children of the noble house of Black), and put a lot of pressure on them. Despite not being physically abusive, they would dole out punishment without mercy when the children displeased them. Withdrawing affection, depriving them of their favorite toys or activities, subjecting them to rants about their uselessness and insults, forced isolation, and so on. They were likely rather volatile, prone to going into fits of anger for no reason apart from feeling irritated with her children (Walburga) and cold and detached (Orion). Also, last but not least, they played mind games with the children, pitting one brother against the other. Lifting Sirius up when they wanted to punish Regulus, and vice versa. Which brings me to my next point.

Sirius was the favorite son, until the Sorting at least. Yes, he himself mentioned Regulus was the favorite, "a much better son" according to his parents, but the thing with abusive parents is that they often pit one kid against the other and thrive on their misery. Handsome, brilliant, magically gifted Sirius was everything the Blacks might have wished from their heir. Until, of course, his infamous sorting into Gryffindor, where he was influenced by muggle-borns and, most notably, James Potter, the known blood traitor. From that point onward, Regulus became the preferred child, but rather out of necessity than choice. If we're to believe Harry, Regulus wasn't as handsome as Sirius (and as generally brilliant). We have no clue about his magical prowess or intelligence, although the fact he discovered the truth about Horcruxes points to him being clever. His parents visibly favoring Regulus and repeatedly telling Sirius that 'Regulus was the good son' were not necessarily what they actually thought. More likely, they were their misguided attempts at making Sirius see reason and bringing him back into the fold.

The brothers probably didn't like each other much. I know we all love fics where they love each other and have each other's back, but realistically, I don't think that was the case. Most likely, they stayed out of each other's way, which was easy since they were in different houses. It's not a stretch to assume that Sirius felt embarrassed (and possibly angry) about his Death Eater brother. Likewise, Regulus would feel mortified about a blood-traitor brother. Maybe over time, it would grow into something close to contempt, with his parents and his Death Eater pals whispering in his ear. Similarly, I don't think Sirius would blame himself for leaving Regulus behind or not helping him leave Grimmauld Place. At his core, Sirius is a character with strong morals who believes in personal accountability. So, according to him, Regulus deserved to reap the consequences of his decisions. (That's not saying he didn't mourn his brother or the potential of them mending fences in the future. Who knows, maybe he'd eventually realize neither he nor Regulus were to blame for their strained relationship and that the fault lay with their parents if he didn't die prematurely.)

Sirius would hate Jegulus (and I say this with love as a jegulus shipper). Once again, yes, I love fics where Sirius is a supportive brother and friend. I've even written a few. But in my heart of hearts, I don't think that would be Sirius' go-to reaction. Sibling dynamics can be complicated in the best of cases, with jealousy often playing a significant role. The Black Brothers are not the best of cases, and James belongs to Sirius. He is his best friend, his other half, the cornerstone of his new reality, and, in a way, his moral compass because James helped Sirius renounce his family beliefs. If James did a sudden one-eighty and started dating a person with a completely different worldview, not to mention a person close to Sirius, one belonging to the family James helped him leave, Sirius would see it as a profound betrayal of their friendship. He'd probably also feel disappointed in James and his sudden hypocrisy (because we know he loathed the Dark Arts, so for him to date a Death Eater would be out of character—which is why I love Jegulus, the inherent drama of it) and possessive over his best friend.

If you read the whole thing, I commend you :D Anyway, these are just my thoughts based on canon. Obviously, I'm aware fanfic exists for us to explore different scenarios, and they are fun to write and read. But sometimes (at least for me), it feels like it's too easy to drift too far away from what makes the characters, well, them, during these explorations.

#james potter #regulus black #sirius black #the black brothers #the blacks #the black family #orion and walburga #black brothers headcanons #marauders headcanons #jegulus #james and sirius #marauders #dead gay wizards #personal ramblings

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selenestarmoon · 2 years

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The Collector: Another Victim of Belos' Abuse

We know that Belos is a abuser in every sense of the word and that although he has abused all of the Boiling Islands as a whole, his favorite targets are children, he focuses on children because they are much easier to manipulate and isolate.

Belos has abused children before: we saw it with Hunter and the other grimwalkers,

he wanted to do it with Luz

but what many forget is the fact that Collector is a child and was also abused by Belos.

While Belos may not directly physically abuse Collector, there are many ways to groom, manipulate, and abuse a child that do not involve physical contact at all.

In this post, I mentioned how abandonment and isolation had affected Collector and he was desperate for any kind of company and to be free and Phillip took advantage of that, promising to free him if he taught him magic and the draining spell in return. This made Collector easy prey for Belos as even though he finally had company, Collector was still isolated as the only one he could see and interact with was Belos.

Belos controls everything in his life: who he sees, who he talks to, when he can talk, when he can even experience something about the world.

Also, from the way we saw their interactions, Collector genuinely believed that Belos was his friend, he taught Belos powerful magic and draining spell without hesitation because he believed that Belos wanted to be his friend even when he started to doubt him at the end. Collector still considers Belos his friend and decided to trust him and was willing to keep his promise to help him first while Belos only manipulated him and isolated him, he could barely stand it as he was about to hit him when he told him that the human world had changed or that when Collector complains to Belos for not fulfilling his part and he only covers him with a blanket and throws him off the bridge.

Collector's trust towards Belos is bolstered by the fact that he is the only one Collector has interacted with for 400 YEARS since his imprisonment as Belos keeps him hidden and has not interacted with anyone else to the point that no one knows about his existence, Kikimora only knew that Collector existed because she was eavesdropping on Belos and Luz and Hunter only found out about Collector's existence by seeing Belos' memories but if it hadn't been for those facts neither Kikimora nor Luz nor Hunter would know that Collector exists. This is an abuse tactic in which the abuser keeps the victim isolated so that the latter completely depends and trusts only the former, this isolation tactic was also used by Belos with Hunter and the other grimwalkers.

Many comment on how Collector dismisses grimwalkers as objects that Belos creates to destroy them and how Collector sees the hunting of Titans, the lives of others and the destruction as a game making him look cruel but contrary to what everyone believes, Collector is not cruel out of malice but for this:

What Sundowner means by this is that children do cruel things not out of malice but because they simply have no morality in the beginning so they don't know right from wrong until someone teaches them and if no one teaches a kid that what is right and what is wrong, the kid will simply do horrible things because they believe that it is normal or that they are right and if a kid is surrounded by adults who do bad things and/or teach them to do horrible things as a good thing, the kid will simply imitate them because it's all they know. Basically kids do bad things because in their own innocence they don't know they are doing something bad in the first place.

The Collector is a kid and kids mimic the adults around them. We know that the other collectors preserve life by force and kill anyone who opposes them

and Collector isn't interested in doing the same as the other collectors and he just wanted to play and have friends

but he imitated the other collectors way of acting because they were the only adults he had and therefore they were the only thing he knew. After the war between his kind and the Titans, and by extension his imprisonment which was for an incredibly long time, the only adult in the Collector's life has been Belos, who is a person who has done a LOT of horrible things, so even putting aside the fact that they have unbelievable cosmic powers over reality itself, of COURSE he have no concept of the value or life or the suffering of others, of COURSE he sees people as toys, that's what's been modeled for him by the literal los only adults in his life at all for hundreds of years!

Collector is literally a kid with a lot of power in his hands who was surrounded by adults but all of them did horrible things and none of them bothered to show him that what he was doing was wrong because they didn't care about Collector as a person but only about his power and/or get some benefit out of it, this is clearly isolation, exploitation and neglect and all of these are forms of abuse.

This is even seen with King because despite the fact that, unlike the other collectors, titan trappers and Belos, he only wanted Collector to use his powers to save his friends but that doesn't take away from the fact that he used him and that he didn't care about Collector as person and only released him by his power. All these cases make Collector probably believe that it is normal to hurt others, lie and that friendships are utilitarian and friends always betray each other when in fact friendships aren't forged by the use that people have nor are they something that is forced on others but are forged for the love, respect and trust that exists between people. However, unlike the other collectors, titan trappers and Belos, King recognizes that Collector is still a child and that he is afraid of being alone and wishes to talk to him.

Little by little with the help of King and other people and healthy relationships that Collector builds, Collector will learn to distinguish between good and evil and that not everyone wants him for his power, but rather for who he is, Collector will gradually learn what a true friendship and/or healthy relationship is like, and with this Collector will grow as a person, learning to have a moral and emotional maturity by having people who love him for who he is and not for what he can do.

#the owl house #the owl house spoilers #the owl house meta #the owl house analysis #toh #toh spoilers #toh meta #toh analysis #the collector #toh the collector #the owl house collector #philip wittebane #emperor belos

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ceaselesswatchersspecialboy · 2 months

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I haven’t really had the motivation to do anything beyond WIPs and doodles recently, but I did want to post these particular, quick doodles anyway of me trying to get a rough idea of what I think a younger Peter may have looked like — one where he’s maybe seven or so and the other when he’s a preteen.

I’ve been very fixated on his statement in MAG 159 recently, and trying to break it down from a more unbiased (?) perspective. He’s both deeply aware of his family being neglectful and abusive, while also being dismissive of it when it comes to talking about himself. He seems to think the Lonely was perfect for him, when in reality he was made perfect for the Lonely.

It’s why I depict him being more miserable at a younger age, before he begins to accept it, as I don’t think he took to the isolation in as much stride as he claims. Though, I think he did interact with his siblings on occasion, moreso when he was younger, but they were forced apart more and more as the time passed. But, my headcanons for the Lukas siblings and their relationships and personalities are intensive and would take more than one short post to get into so!

Back to Peter: Isolation in childhood is especially damaging, but I don’t even think that’s the worst part? Children need a sense of stability, and that was completely striped away from the Lukas children, always changing rooms and caretakers, their parents unfamiliar faces. I think Peter was a quiet and reserved child as he says himself, and that he enjoyed time alone, hiding away, creating his own entertainment etc, but even that would have been incredibly damaging on his psyche.

I think he would have rationalised it a lot as a child to cope, listing all the reasons why this is good and necessary, why he liked it better this way, and that’s why he ended up being indoctrinated easier than his siblings, alongside the way his personality naturally drew him towards the Lonely.

I also think he got more and more uncomfortable with his siblings as he got older, not necessarily always out of his desire to spend more time Alone, but because they became unpredictable — emotional. The rooms changing, the tutors changing, that was all expected, predictable to an extent, but his sister crying because her pen pal was found out, and her letters burned, it ruined his own coping mechanisms and the idealised versions of his siblings in his head, the idea that they were like him, that they understood.

This is messy but I just really like thinking about the Lukas family and Peter. It’s easy to forget he was someone who Became an avatar as well, and that he didn’t start off that way, his own view of his youth tainted by his nature as an Avatar.

Oh Little Peter, we’re really in it now.

#tma #the magnus archives #peter lukas #lukas family #and not super relevant here so I’ll put it in the tags: trans man Peter you are so real to me

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sophieinwonderland · 27 days

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r/systemscringe found my post about imaginary friends! Reactions are exactly what you'd expect from the hate sub!

Don't worry @lxions, I assure you that the hate is mutual.

Anyway, let's put aside the reality of non-disordered systems for a moment and remind everyone that alters in DID and OSDD often manifest as imaginary friends in early childhood, as I recently discussed in the Plurality of... IF

From the DSM-5:

The problem with our current culture for children with dissociative disorder, a culture that treats "imaginary friends" as fake, as delusions, and things to be ignored and forgotten... is that it leaves children with dissociative disorders even more isolated and encourages them to view their alters as things to be gotten rid of.

Children with dissociative disorders are inherently setup by society to view their alters as enemies.

And you can't tell me that this doesn't contribute to the stigma. That this isolation doesn't contribute to the rates of depression and suicide among people with DID.

Yes, I realize that the trauma and abuse themselves are also big factors. But isolating children so they can't even talk about the other people in their head without being considered crazy, leading to them hating their alters, sure doesn't help matters.

We need to do better.

This is somewhat true. But not all abuse that causes DID is from the parents. And it's not always from both parents. And many children may end up being saved from abusive situations and placed with better families.

Even if their particular parents are like this though, normalization has other benefits.

If it's normalized for most parents, then it can be for teachers too. If a child feels safe going and opening up to a teacher and talking about the people in their head, that they consider imaginary friends, then it might make it easier for the teacher to pick up on red flags.

What a bizarre way to phrase this!

"I fear their children wouldn't develop DID."

Really?

Because I HOPE they wouldn't develop DID!

Imagine if getting to a child early enough and encouraging communication between headmates could prevent heavy dissociative barriers from forming! And actually, the longer you wait to address it and encourage that communication, the worse the symptoms will get! What if you could prevent DID this way, or at least reduce its severity, before it even forms?!

A child not developing DID is a weird thing for you to be afraid of!

Two Paths

As I see it, there are two paths for the future.

Down one path, nothing changes. Systems continue to be born into a world where plurals are treated as crazy, and having other people in your head is something to be stigmatized. This leads to isolation which leads to self-harm which in some cases will likely lead to suicide.

Down the other path, we actually try to change the culture. We normalize being able to talk about other people in your head. We educate people about plurality. And we show a willingness to accept the possibility of children being plural. We help foster communication with headmates of children and we set them up for a healthier life of plurality from the beginning.

These are the choices. And unfortunately, when given two choices, r/systemscringe will always opt for the choice that results in the most suffering for systems.

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autisticrosewilson · 5 months

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You have any Wilson family headcanons to spare? Especially on Rose & Grant?

DO I EVER!!! Gosh where do I even start

I mentioned to a friend of mine the other day that I think Slade was a leash kid, and I stand by that whole heartedly. He wanted to raise Grant as a leash kid too, simply because he thought you were supposed to, but Adeline threatened his life so it never happened. This was the first of many times he was confronted with the concept that maybe his home life wasn't great.

He would not even begin reflecting on this until almost a decade later. He still doesn't really consider himself a victim and honestly most of his shitty parenting comes from him just having no clue what he's doing. He's aware that he's bad at it, but instead of trying to improve he just tries to avoid his kids in hopes that they'll be better off without him.

Also he grew up in 1950's-60's Appalachia, I think he's more superstitious than he lets on. I imagine he grew up hearing about family curses and old wives tales, and while on some level he recognizes that Fran likely just used those stories to cope with the situation there's also a part of him that believes it for the same reasons she did. He's not a victim, he can't be, so it must not have been abuse. Which eventually turned into him just kind of accepting that he was always going to be a bad father, that there was never a chance for him to have a family and any attempt he makes will just end up worse than the last.

It makes it easier to maintain his self imposed isolation that way.

Adeline is a lot more interesting than people give her credit for. I like to think she was born and raised in a big city like New York or maybe Gotham if I wanted to be funny. She was definitely a wild child, and that was something that didn't change during her first marriage.

I truly do believe that Count whats-his-face (I don't care enough to look him up) tried exactly once to hit her and he ended up with three bullet wounds that all knicked arteries. It was his only warning and he was smart enough to know that.

Addie is loyal to the end, she's the kind of person that steadfastly refuses to let go of people she cares about. In basically ever version of her story she tries, she tries so hard to make things work. I once compared her to the Greek myth of Medea and I think about the comparison often.

I also think that Adeline was always her father's daughter, whether she liked it or not. I don't remember if it was canon that she was raised primarily by her dad but I only remember her dad being mentioned so I think she grew up in a single parent household and was mostly left to her own devices as a kid. She probably grew up really close with her cousin, most people probably thought they were sisters.

Mayflower fucking HATES Slade, she was advocating for the divorce before they were even married. I know in my heart she was Slade's biggest hater. Her and Slade talked mad shit about each other but they were also gossip buddies for the longest and it was the only thing that stopped her from beating his ass all the time.

SladeAddie is so toxic Bi4Bi coded. Really funny to me that Addie was probably older than Slade, do you know the kind of rizz you have to possess to bag a milf that could kill you in 20 different ways before you could blink? One who's already been divorced? What charm was this freshly 18 year old drop out exuding to be pulling like this?

When do you think he told her that he lied to the recruiter about his age and he wasn't actually 23 or whatever? Did he ever tell her? Did she figure it out herself? It was literally never addressed but I think about it all the time.

Slade is definitely still mildly in love with her and falls a little all over again every time she deals him grievous bodily harm. I don't know his thing for people who hate him is probably a self conscious way to punish himself for sucking all the time.

Billy and Alfred being friends is a headcanon that I literally never stop thinking about. Why wouldn't they be old friends or whatever? They have tea the 4th Tuesday of every other month. They complain about their respective morons and brag about the kids they have to take care of because their morons won't.

Billy is definitely a British rock fan and he fucking HATES country music. Slade starts playing it in the car and Billy threatens to crash the whole car just to make a point.

He's like maybe 5 years older than Slade if I'm being generous about it, he just looks older next to Slade because he's not hopped up on super serum.

He's the one Rose gives her father's day gifts to <3

SladeBilly is canon to me, no way Slade is capable of spending that much time with someone without sleeping with them at least once. It might be the healthiest relationship he's ever had with anyone and Billy barely tolerates him.

Lilian Worth my beloved,,,,,,they gave her such a white ass name. I choose to believe that she changed it later on for anonymity. Chea Nath is a name she hasn't used in a while, but it's still one she holds dear.

She seems like someone who was really into ballet, and probably someone who was really good at it too.

She's one of those characters that we don't really have any information on, which leaves a lot of wiggle room backstory wise. I probably write too much about characters with poor backgrounds (surprise your bitch grew up impoverished) so I guess I'll let Lili have this one.

Diplomats daughter, her and her mom were really close growing up, and she seems like she grew up with sisters. She's got that middle sister energy to her, growing up everyday was a fight and let's just say she didn't lose often.

If Adeline is Medea, Lili is definitely Circe. Versatile, powerful, a man hater, and she'll do anything to protect her girls.

Honors student, her grades never dropped below an A- and she has degrees in everything from fine art to communications. Rose went to college purely because her mom made it clear that not going was not an option.

Grant is one of my favorite characters. Ever. He's definitely an old school country enjoyer, much to Billy's chagrin and Slades secret delight.

He was the boy who climbed up the tallest trees to prove he could and then came home with a thousand little scrapes on him.

He has a bee allergy.

He's the least enhanced of his siblings but he still has a meta gene, I think the reason the H.I.V.E. serum didn't activate it like it should have is because his power was the mental kind and not the physical kind so his body couldn't hold up against it even while his psychic powers were getting stronger.

Painted his nails one(1) time, it was a dried up iridescent blue that Addie dug up and was going to throw away but Grant wanted to try it. He didn't know what nail polish remover was though so he scraped his teeth on his nails to get it all off but he couldn't get all of it and he almost cried so hard he threw up at dinner that night because he was scared of Slade noticing (Slade didn't notice and wouldn't have cared if he did).

Thought he was SO stealthy when he snuck out but literally everyone knew because he always came home smelling like weed, hungover, and he went to school in the same clothes he wore to go out. Most of the time Addie didn't care (See above: "former wild child") but Slade "Biggest loser in his hometown" Wilson always had an issue with it.

Officially his tomb is located in the Kane family plot but he's actually buried in Slades hometown next to his grandmother. (Adeline is not aware of this)

Joey was actually the one who pulled most of the pranks when they were kids, but Grant always took the fall. Mostly because literally no one would believe it even if Joey said he did it. Which he tried to do, many times.

Grant taught Joey to make flower crowns but he never admitted it because he thought it made him look weak. He still keeps the few that Joey made for him though, they're basically turning to dust in the drawer he hid them in to this day. They're one of the few things that weren't torn down and shoved in the attic after his death.

Joey still celebrates Grant's birthday every year, him and mom play The Last Man by Clint Mansell on the piano because it was his favorite piece to play before he stopped because it wasn't "cool".

Grant tried to get Joey to come with him when he ran away but Joey didn't want to leave Addie. Joey ended up moving into Grant's old apartment, he often thinks of what life would be like if he'd taken up the offer.

Grant is THE ass hole big brother from the late 90's/early 2000's. Down to the mullet and the shirt with the sleeves cut off. He used to steal Addie's eyeliner and she would get so mad because that stuff is EXPENSIVE and he's just smearing however. She teaches him how to do it properly but he says it makes him look "too girly".

Grant's picture is the only one in Slades wallet because he doesn't have to worry about putting him in danger anymore.

DON'T let Joey's "natural" pretty boy look fool you he has a 20 step skin routine and a 15 step hair routine and he wakes up at the ass crack of dawn to start on his makeup.

He used to get the worst acne as a pre-teen and he has physically burned all the evidence except for one picture of him and Slade on a fishing trip when he was like thirteen, he doesn't know it exists and it's the only picture Slade consistently travels with.

He doesn't want to be the favorite but he would get mad if someone else was the favorite because what work were YOU even putting in for it.

He has 12 year old boy humor I fear. Giggles at dick jokes and has used his name to make "Joe Mama" jokes on various occasions.

Number one Mama's boy of all time, there's not a single time they've gone out in public together where they haven't had coordinated outfits. Him and Addie call biweekly to shit talk people and exchange recipes and the like.

Joey is THE biggest gossiper. He'll talk shit about people right in front of them if he's sure they don't know ASL and whoever is around just has to try not to laugh while they "translate" him.

He's so good at convincing people to do things for him just by looking at them with his big ol' eyes. And he's a theater kid so his expressions are really exaggerated.

Rose, my muse. I know canonically she's a smoker but I'm changing that to her being a vaper. I don't know she just looks like she'd beat the shit out of you for a cherry lemon cancer stick.

Energy drinks don't work on her in normal amounts so to rectify that she constantly walks around with horrific concoctions in a water bottle the size of her head.

She street races as R4V4G3R and she's pretty good at it. She learned a lot about cars doing it which is how Slade justified being an anonymous benefactor for her.

The few weeks Slade had her she ran that shit like the navy. Up at 6 AM on the dot, tight ass ponytail swaying as she got ready for school. She was out that door by 7:25 everyday and she would MAKE Slade violate traffic laws to get to school by 7:35.

Has bitten people before and will do it again.

Had the BIGGEST crush on Donna Troy when she was on the Teen Titans. She didn't know it then but she did. Her taste in women really hasn't changed at all.

Only has her grunge thing going on when she's planning on meeting people, average day outfit is all pastels and florals that her mom used to pick out for her.

Got pretty much all of Lili's stuff, her main apartment is always Immaculately decorated. She also lives in L.A. because literally fuck New York. She's trying to get her engineering degree in PEACE.

She looks up to Grant a lot, she really only has Joey's account of things and he only tells her the good stuff. How he was brave, and strong, and funny. When she was younger she really wanted to be like him, but that was the last thing Slade wanted. So obviously she named herself Ravager out of spite.

Rose is the shortest one in the family but she's buff as hell, my girl is built like a fridge and she knows it. Joey tried to rest his arm on her head one and she stabbed him. It didn't go through his armor obviously but it did leave a mildly annoying bruise that he pouted about for a week.

She low-key really likes Addie but she tends to stay away because of the whole "child of infidelity" thing. She HAS threatened to call Addie on Slade multiple times.

Grew up with a bunch of other kids so she never really wanted siblings, but she would kill for Joey. She'd like a sister though. Really misses her cousins and aunts from the brothel but doesn't want to put them in danger by talking to them.

She's fond of kids but wouldn't want her own because she doesn't want to bring a kid into the kinda life she has, or their family in general.

Routinely takes jobs from Slade because she knows full well he won't do shit. And she's right every time he makes it into a team up that usually ends with them fighting but sometimes, every once in a while, they do something nice together and it makes her remember why she wanted to find him so bad when she was 13.

I don't like her carving her eye out for Slade I thought the whole concept of her idolizing Slade was fucking stupid. She tolerates him at best. So I like to attribute it to her visions, I think the blind prophet symbolism is really fun. Especially because then we can have a Prometheus type situation where her eye patch keeps switching sides/sometimes she's not blind because she keeps carving them out in fits of Seer Madness™️ but they keep regenerating.

SHE HAS BROWN EYES HER EYES ARE BROWN I KNOW HER PERSONALLY PLEASE LET HER KEEP EVEN ONE OF HER ETHNIC FEATURES I BEG!!!

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shikishake · 9 months

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How to emotionally abuse your child: comparing and contrasting Mafuyu Asahina and Toya Aoyagi.

There are two actively abusive parents in Project Sekai, and both of them are emotionally abusive in similar ways and for similar reasons. But the treatment and development of Toya’s father and Mafuyu’s mother has been very distinctly different over the course of the story so far. Why has Toya’s relationship with his father stabilised and even marginally improved over the course of his events, while Mafuyu’s relationship with her mother hasn’t just deteriorated but actively crashed and burned?

I believe the difference lies in intent and perspective. (Before we begin in earnest, I want to note that, at the end, I’ll briefly touch upon some other parents, specifically the ones who might also be worthy of criticism. Most notably, I’ll discuss Ena and Akito’s father and the (many) flaws in how he has treated both of his children. Refer to that if you’re interested.)

Toya and Mafuyu have a lot of similarities. They’re both emotionally repressed, they’re both exceptionally skilled (Toya more specifically being a musical prodigy, while Mafuyu has a more general kind of exceptional competence), and they both have very difficult relationships with their parents (their father and mother, respectively). They’ve both slowly but surely come out of their shells and recovered thanks to the help of their groups (VBS and Niigo, with an emphasis on Akito and Kanade, respectively). Because of the connections they’ve made, both of them have received the support needed to directly confront their parents and choose a new path for themselves, regardless of what their parents think.

Toya’s father and Mafuyu’s mother also have a lot of similarities. They’re both overbearing, controlling parents who pile pressure and expectations on the shoulders of their children, both have isolated their children in an attempt to focus their attention on the things they deemed important, and they’ve both rejected the paths their children have decided to walk in the end.

Both of them have claimed that their behaviour was motivated by good intentions, that they truly want the best for their children and want them to be happy, and that everything they’ve done has been in service of making life easier for their children.

Both of them have failed, but only Mafuyu’s mother is lying (including to herself).

Toya’s father.

Toya’s father has been a successful classically trained musician his entire life, and has raised two other boys to be successful classically trained musicians. Neither of Toya’s brothers live in Shibuya, but small mentions of them reveal that, though they might have shared Toya’s current attitude in the past, both of them have told Toya they now agree with their father, despite going through the same kind of upbringing by the same man, with all the horrible things that implies.

Why?

Because Toya’s father, more than anything, loves classical music. It makes him happier than virtually anything else in the world. Toya’s father loves classical music, and has loved classical music for his entire life, as much as the most passionate characters in this story love music. Toya’s father loves classical music as much as (or maybe more than) Toya loves street music. Toya’s father loves classical music as much as Akito loves street music.

Both of Toya’s brothers have claimed to share this love. The reason Toya’s brothers can now look back and say that their father was right is because classical music has made both of Toya’s brothers happier than virtually anything else in the world, too (or, at least, that’s what they told Toya).

The reason Toya’s father raised Toya the way that he did is because, from his point of view, there is nothing that will make an Aoyagi happier than classical music. He has made the mistake a lot of parents make. He has assumed his sons are the same as him. He has assumed what would make him happy, would make his sons happy. And nothing has given him any indication that this is false. Not Toya’s brothers, and not even Toya.

Toya has also loved classical music his entire life. The reason Toya rebelled and quit classical music isn’t because he doesn’t like it, or doesn’t like playing it. Toya rebelled because his father was suffocating him, isolating him and controlling him, and the association with that suffocation made Toya’s relationship with classical music strained, but it has been stated again and again that the reason Toya has avoided classical music for a while now is because it brings up unpleasant memories, not because he doesn’t actually like the music.

The crucial difference between Toya and his father is that classical music does not make Toya happier than anything in the world. He might enjoy it, and he might even love it, but Toya will, and would, never be able to look back on the trauma and isolation he endured and believe it was worth it. Toya would never have willingly sacrificed his childhood, his social life, his freedom for classical music. Not when he was a child, not now, and according to everything we know about him, not in the future either.

But Toya’s father would have. Toya’s father believes the suffering he endured was worth the happiness he now feels. Toya’s brothers have both told him that they believe the suffering they endured was worth the happiness they now feel. And Toya’s father thinks the suffering Toya has endured and would have needed to continue to endure would be worth the happiness he’s convinced he would feel in the future.

He does not understand Toya’s switch to street music. Or, well, he does; Toya switched to street music specifically because he knew his father would hate it more than any other type of music, and Toya’s father is aware of this. Toya didn’t have it in him to quit music entirely, but the reason he chose this type of music specifically is for no reason other than “my dad would hate it”.

The thing that Toya’s father doesn’t understand is that Toya may have started street music to spite his father, but that’s not why he does it now. Toya fell in love with street music, to the same extent that his father fell in love with classical music, and it shows when he performs. That’s why, when Toya’s father went to see Toya perform for the first time at the end of his first event, their relationship changed for the better. Because Toya’s father wants his son to be happy, and the reason he’s been such a bad father is because he’s stubbornly convinced that classical music would make Toya happy, despite all evidence to the contrary. And when he saw his son on that stage, Toya was happier than classical music had ever made him.

His father may despise the music Toya makes, and there may be a pretty big part of him that thinks Toya would, someday, be able to fall in love with classical music in the same way he has, and maybe he even believes that Toya would be happier in the long run if he stuck to classical music. But first and foremost, Toya’s father wants Toya to be happy, and that performance showed him that street music made Toya happy. Their relationship softened because Toya’s father was able to understand, in some tiny way, that Toya wasn’t ruining his own life out of spite. Even if he thinks Toya would be happier in the long run, that performance showed Toya’s father that, if nothing else, Toya wasn’t going to be unhappy.

He still wants Toya to quit street music and return to classical. But the dynamic has changed because the stakes have changed. Previously, from Toya’s father’s perspective, it was either “continue performing this drivel and be miserable for the rest of your life” or “return to classical, push through the hardship and be happy”. Now, it’s “continue performing this drivel and be happy” or “return to classical, push through the hardship and be happier”. Those are entirely different stakes.

Mafuyu’s mother.

Now let’s talk about Mafuyu’s mother. What makes her different? Why does nothing get through to her? Why is Mafuyu’s mother portrayed so much harsher and so much more negatively?

It’s difficult to really pinpoint Mafuyu’s mother’s perspective and intentions, because Mafuyu’s mother is a manipulator first and foremost. Almost nothing she says can be taken at face value. But there’s a couple of possible interpretations, some more charitable than others.

Right off the bat, I don’t believe the most charitable explanation: that she genuinely wants what is best for her daughter and is simply misguided. If this was true, she wouldn’t have constantly invaded her privacy to snoop on whether or not she was still making music or talking to her friends. If this was true, she wouldn’t have thrown her synthesiser away behind her back. If this was true, seeing Mafuyu break down into tears and beg her mother to allow her even the tiniest amount of agency would have made her do more than blink. If this was true, she would have been rightly horrified that Mafuyu said she’s been unbelievably miserable for years instead of being mildly nonplussed, then immediately trying to guilt trip her by crying and repeating her spiel that this is all for the best. More than that, she wouldn’t have stopped crying immediately when she noticed her guilt tripping wasn’t working.

On the other hand, there’s the least charitable interpretation of Mafuyu’s mother: that she’s a narcissist who wants to live vicariously through her daughter’s success. She wants Mafuyu to be a successful doctor, not because she wants her to be happy, but because being able to say that she raised a successful doctor would make her feel successful by proxy. This isn’t impossible, or even improbable. There’s a not insignificant amount of parents who do, genuinely, feel this way, and the consequences of that are often severely traumatic for the children.

However, I don’t think this is accurate either. She’s too often portrayed as insisting everything is for Mafuyu’s sake for it to be entirely a lie, or at least a lie that she’s aware of. Instead, I think what’s happening is a little more insidious.

I believe Mafuyu’s mother has, at some point, decided who Mafuyu is, and that is the Mafuyu that she loves. And she does love that Mafuyu. But she loves only that Mafuyu, and a version of Mafuyu that deviates from the Mafuyu that she has decided to love isn’t the true Mafuyu.

Mafuyu’s mother has created a cardboard cutout of her daughter in her own mind, and when Mafuyu doesn’t fit it, it’s not the cutout that’s wrong, it’s Mafuyu that has somehow been altered.

This is why, when Mafuyu’s mother says her actions are for the sake of Mafuyu’s happiness, it’s simultaneously completely honest and entirely wrong. Because Mafuyu’s mother does genuinely believe that studying hard, getting into a good school, and becoming a successful doctor and a respectable adult who makes a lot of money would make her Mafuyu happy. She’s completely honest when she says it, which is also part of why she’s so good at manipulating Mafuyu.

The problem is that her Mafuyu doesn’t exist. And she has never existed. Her Mafuyu was, from the very beginning, an act that Mafuyu performed to make herself fit the shape of the cardboard cutout in her mother’s mind. The cardboard cutout was never real. It was a fake, a fake that Mafuyu tried desperately to pretend was real because she loves her mother and wanted to make her smile.

Why does her mother constantly deny Mafuyu’s real feelings? Why does she fail to understand anything, even when Mafuyu herself breaks down crying and shouts it out loud? Because the person Mafuyu’s mother loves is the cardboard cutout in her mind. Because the person telling her that she’s miserable isn’t her Mafuyu. That's a deviation that needs to be corrected, a corruption that needs to be removed, an infection that needs to be excised. The real Mafuyu would never say these things. The real Mafuyu is a good, kind girl who works hard, studies diligently, is always polite and does whatever her mom tells her to do.

The version of Mafuyu in her mind isn’t miserable, so Mafuyu can’t be miserable. If Mafuyu is miserable, then something must have changed her. Because her Mafuyu can’t be miserable.

This is why she so consistently blames Kanade and the rest of Niigo. It’s why she’s so insistent on Mafuyu quitting Niigo. It’s why she says things like “if Mafuyu wants to make music, she can, but she should prioritise studying first, and come back to it once she’s secure and stable”. It’s why she’s all for her being a member of the archery club, but constantly tells Mafuyu to stop making music.

It’s not about the activity. It’s about the people, putting ideas in her head, corrupting her, making her deviate from her real self. It’s about the discrepancy between the Mafuyu she sees and her Mafuyu.

If Mafuyu isn’t behaving like what she expects, it’s not her expectations that are wrong, it’s Mafuyu that’s wrong.

If the cardboard cutout doesn’t match reality, then reality is wrong.

Mafuyu’s mother loves a fantasy. More than that, she chooses to love a fantasy. The reason Mafuyu’s mother is portrayed so negatively, and never receives any of the positive development that any of the other parents do, is because she’s denying reality.

Project Sekai is about embracing your true feelings. Toya’s father didn’t understand Toya’s true feelings for a long time. When he eventually did understand them, though, he acknowledged them. He didn’t agree with them, but he acknowledged them. He understood, at the very least, that street music made Toya happy.

Mafuyu’s mother doesn’t just not understand Mafuyu’s true feelings, she denies them outright. She wants to kill them, in Kaito’s words. There is no reality where these are Mafuyu’s true feelings. There is no version of Mafuyu that isn’t her Mafuyu. She has one daughter, and she loves that daughter, and only that daughter.

Nevermind that that daughter isn’t real. Nevermind that her real daughter is absolutely miserable, begging for love and affection that isn’t predicated on her putting on a mask and playing a character that she can barely recognize herself in.

That is the difference between Toya’s father and Mafuyu’s mother. Toya’s father, for all his flaws and abuse and self-centred outlook, actually loves Toya. Mafuyu’s mother only loves the version of Mafuyu she created in her own head.

Other parents.

Alright, to cap this off, let’s look at a couple of other characters who are, in some way, questionably effective at being parents.

Ena and Akito’s father.

There’s probably a not-insignificant amount of people that were surprised when I said that only Toya’s father and Mafuyu’s mother were actively abusive. Ena and Akito’s father is also an almost exclusively negative influence in his childrens’ lives, so what makes him different?

What makes Ena and Akito’s father different is that I don’t think he’s actively abusive. I think he’s incredibly neglectful.

There is a massive difference in how often Ena and Akito’s father shows up and how often Toya’s father or Mafuyu’s mother show up. He appears very rarely in Ena’s events and barely has any lines even though the few lines he does have are incredibly important for Ena’s character. He doesn’t show up in Akito’s events at all. The only thing he consistently does is be a constant shadow hanging over Ena’s head, and he doesn’t need to be present to do that.

Ena and Akito’s father is barely a part of their family. He doesn’t try to control his children, or isolate them, or even criticise them outside of the rare instances he bothers talking to them. He’s a presence that sets Ena on edge constantly when she has to leave her room, but the amount of times Ena actually talks to her father can be counted on one hand. He’s profoundly and exclusively unsupportive, entirely emotionally (and often physically) distant and basically fully absent from Ena’s life outside of the two or three times he tells her to give up on her dreams because she has no talent and will never be successful.

And yet, in a weird way, Ena somehow has the better relationship with their father out of the two of them, because Ena has any relationship with their father at all. It’s very much negative, but they do very rarely interact. Akito’s only, only, conversation with the man is in Ena’s first event, where he tries to make their father understand that he’s, well, being a fucking terrible father to Ena. I scoured through every event story, every card story available in English. Nothing. There’s not even a mention of him talking to his father offscreen. Please correct me if I’m wrong, maybe the JP events/stories have something.

The only time he talks about his father is in the first side story of his card for Toya’s second event. He talks about a camping trip his family went on, and -- surprise surprise -- he paid barely any attention to his family, mostly just sitting there and painting the landscape. The closest he came was when he painted his family, until Ena pushed him in the river for not paying attention to her.

So yeah. No less of a bad dad than the other parents. Pretty terrible person. Just not in the same category as Toya’s father and Mafuyu’s mother, even if the influence he had on his daughter in particular ended up being just as negative and scarring. Also, thank god Akito met Ken because by all accounts that boy has spent most of his pre-RAD WEEKEND life without a father.

Tsukasa and Saki’s parents.

Saki was in the hospital for most of her early teens. In hindsight, their parents could have spent more time with Tsukasa, but it’s entirely understandable that they prioritised their sick, hospitalised daughter, even if it was the wrong choice. There are no bad guys here.

Tsukasa spent a fair chunk of his childhood lonelier than other kids, and in an ideal world, with perfect parents, that wouldn’t have happened. We don’t live in an ideal world. There are no perfect parents. I genuinely believe they did the best you could reasonably expect. That’s it.

Kanade’s father.

The man had what was probably a stroke from overwork and stress. Normally, telling your incredibly musically gifted daughter that she should keep creating her own music and that a lot of people will enjoy her music is nothing but good parenting.

What happened was tragic in practically every way, but it would have been tragic regardless of what he said. Whether or not he emphasised that Kanade should continue composing her own music, Kanade was severely traumatised and would have spiralled into something unhealthy anyway. That it became this particular brand of unhealthy isn’t something I can blame him for.

(I can, however, blame child protective services and mental health care in Japan, who dropped the ball so fucking hard by letting a girl barely into her teens not only live by herself with no actual support because her grandmother continued to pay for the house but have consistently neglected to, y’know, actually check up on her. Ever. Even when she’s literally in the hospital. The closest they ever came is some of the random nurses being mildly concerned about the grieving 14-15 year old crying next to her comatose father’s hospital bed.)

Kanade’s saviour complex is a result of what her father said to her, yes. I don’t think that’s on him.

Mizuki.

Mizuki’s parents and sister are fantastic, I just wanna shout them out for being the only healthy family in Niigo.

I suck at ending things.

Anyway that’s it. Stand by for other stuff at some point in the future. There’s the beginnings of an idea about contrasting Mafuyu and Haruka, but take that with a grain of salt. It’s just a thing I noticed after finally getting around to reading some of Haruka’s event stories.

I think about characters other than Mafuyu, I promise. This is just a coincidence. Really.

So yeah. Bye.

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east-side-militia · 5 months

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Millennium headcanons: Their parents and life growing up

Since yes I do have thoughts on that tw for multiple counts of unhealthy to abusive parenting, patricide and matricide, fratricide and talk of nazism (without endorsement)

The major: Inspired by his Coyote backstory but not so similiar. Was raised by his mother, who was part of the early national socialist political scene, before it rose to power. Unfortunately, she died when he was around 12 years old. Max was taken under the wing of one of his mom's "friends" from the political circle, but wasn't particularly close to him. His closeness to the "higher-ups" of the nazis would fortunately grant him some privileges later on in life.

The doctor: Was raised as the only child of a middle class family. His parents were people driven purely by logic and void of emotion, which led to them verbally and occassionally physically abusing him under the guise of "motivating him". This greatly impacted Av's mental state, and his own parenting style later on. He would eventually be unable to take it and would sign up to fight in the first world war, still as a teenager, just to get away from them.

The captain: Grew up in a small village, circa the middle ages. I imagine his childhood was more or less normal and happy. He was the oldest of many siblings, and to this day sees some of them in Schrodinger. When he was of age, he left home to pursue finding a job. He still misses his family, and hopes they lived an easier life than him.

Rip Van Winkle: Was the youngest of three sisters (inspired by a fairytale trope). I headcanon her family is descended or related to a knight bloodline, and was quite wealthy. Not aristocratic but definitely upper-class. Because she took after her father way more than her sisters, she was daddy's girl, but her relationship with her mother was more difficult, especially as puberty settled in. She also had a turbulent relationship with her sisters, because they sided more with her mother and viewed her as the "rebellious, delusional airhead" of the family. Her ultimate "rebellion" would be when her father helped her secure a job as an SS officer.

Zorin Blitz: Was abducted as a baby by a witch. The witch would call herself Zorin's mother, and would raise her as her apprentice, along with several other girls in a middle of nowhere rural area. Her environment growing up would be extremely "kill or be killed" and she would watch her "sisters", those who weren't strong enough to keep up, die one by one. She realized that eventually, it would only be one of them who would survive, and she would have to make sure it would be her. So she started strenghtening herself, deceiving, lying to the others, pitting them against each other, and killing them off herself until she stood alone. She killed her "mother", freeing herself from her control, and went to pursue something better.

Schrodinger: Was created in a test tube, as the ultimate weapon against Alucard (haha get it. hellsing ultimate). In his younger years, he was isolated from the rest of Millennium, even kept as a secret to most, and raised primarily by Dok. When he was eventually let around the other members of Mill was coincidentally around the time his "unruly" phase kicked in, which sent Dok spiralling and essentially flip-flop between blaming himself and blaming everyone else for "corrupting" him, when all it essentially was was a normal phase for a child. Schro never had friends his age, only adults, so he would have a hard time communicating to other teenagers, I imagine.

Tubalcain Alhambra: If there's one thing I'm clueless about it's the state of Brazil circa the first half of the 20th century. But I like to think he was born into some-semi influential family (perhaps one who owned establishments like hotels, casinos, etc.), and grew up a socialite. Maybe he's not even brazilian by origin, his name sounds more middle eastern than anything to me, maybe he just happens to reside there. He probably has the skills resources to control the government and the media at least to some level. Probably to the level that they don't care about his family housing literal nazi refugees on their property. Yes that is my headcanon. Tubalcain was Millennium's landlord and you won't convince me otherwise.

The Valentine Brothers: They aren't biological brothers, but their parents were both single with a kid and got together, so they're step-siblings (valentinecest still sucks stfu). Both of their parents were absolutely terrible, terrible enough for the brothers to set their house on fire when Luke was 18 and Jan was 15, to make the authorities think they died along with their parents, and go pursue a life of crime instead.

#hellsing #hellsing ultimate #hellsing headcanons #hellsing major #herr major #hellsing doctor #herr doktor #hellsing captain #the captain #hellsing rip van winkle #rip van winkle #zorin blitz #hellsing schrodinger #schrodinger #jan valentine #luke valentine #tubalcain alhambra

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metanarrates · 2 years

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even the most "innocent" child abuse victim inherently condemns society by their very existence & this is why there is such a strong effort to sideline or discredit victims of child abuse. like genuinely if you were to tackle the full reality of child abuse you would have to confront that our society is founded upon child abuse, and that would require us to break society at its very root. an abused child is a condemnation of the nuclear family model, of the education system, of the notion that children do not deserve rights, of almost every system that exists and that is why their existence is rarely examined in the mainstream. easier to not believe how widespread child abuse is. easier to pick apart individual victims. and ultimately it's easier to believe their abusers were isolated aberrations rather than individuals given insane power over their victims by the system and chose to wield it in ways that are largely condoned by that system.

and that societal sidelining largely happens even FOR victims who appear to fit the most unproblematic model of a child abuse victim. god help you if you aren't palatable or easily "reintegrated" into the existing structure after leaving your abuser lmao

#child abuse #abuse #ask to tag #was discussing this with friends earlier and i wanted to put my thoughts into words a bit #obviously this is true of all victims of abuse. but the idea of child abuse is unconscionable to most even if other forms of abuse aren't #relatively easy for an abuse apologist to argue that an adult deserved their abuse and go unchallenged. a bit harder to do with children #people still do it and the tactics of abuse apologism are similar across the board. but its harder when its kids #which is why they get sidelined. again true of all abuse victims.#im just speaking to a phenomenon i notice in the way that child abuse is specifically spoken about and treated

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dandylovesturtles · 1 year

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100 Feet and A World Away Lore Post

I said before if I won the first round of the TMNT AU Competition I'd put up a lore post of my separated (kinda) AU called "100 Feet and A World Away," which is really more of a reward for myself because now I get to ramble about my babies.

This is an AU I've been building in my head for some time and do eventually want to write a fic about. When? I do not know I have soooo many things I'm in the middle of right now but! hopefully! eventually!

So for now here's just some lore because I can't contain myself, I have to talk about this eventually haha. Like releasing a pressure valve.

without further ado

100 Feet and A World Away (a separated (kinda) AU) (aka the Shape of Water AU)

cw: dehumanization, child abuse (not by a parental figure), brief dismemberment (caused by Donnie, not TO him)

Backstory

quick note: in this AU the age gap between April and the boys is bigger than in canon because it just made things logistically easier; April is 20 and the boys are their S1 ages (15/14/13)

everything up through Lou Jitsu escaping with the boys from Draxum's lab happens as in canon

a few years later (when the boys are about 5/4/3), Splinter goes out to get supplies, leaving the boys in what he thinks (hopes) is a safe place (he doesn't have a lot of choices). He comes back to find the boys have disappeared.

he won't know what happened to them for 10 years

they were spotted by a human sanitation worker, who called animal control, who were like "what the hell is this" and got a Shady Military-affiliated Corporation involved. The boys are taken to a lab to be studied and, once their sturdiness and combat potential are observed, trained to be used for combat by the US Military.

the boys didn't go quietly, at least not Raph and Donnie, who viciously bit and tried to run; they were shocked and sedated. Leo, who had Mikey, saw this and decided to comply because he didn't want them to hurt his little brother. Mikey was too young to understand what was happening so his reaction was mostly just to cry.

Splinter had told the boys never to talk to humans, and the boys take this to heart, hushing up and never speaking to the humans even once they're taken to the lab. As a result, the humans know they have large brains but still assume they only have the intelligence of an ape at best. They treat them like animals, really the comparison I keep thinking of is the raptors in Jurassic World lol: something scary but with the hopes that they will eventually act like attack dogs.

to be clear revealing they could talk wouldn't have helped them much so it's for the best

the boys are given serial numbers when they arrive at the lab but the scientists call them by numbers as a shorthand based on the order they were processed in:

Mikey is Turtle 1

Leo is Turtle 2

Raph is Turtle 3

Donnie is Turtle 4

because Raph and Donnie acted aggressively, the scientists were afraid they would attack each other as well as Leo and Mikey, so they decided to isolate the two of them. On the flip side, because Leo and Mikey were more docile and Leo kept holding onto Mikey, they decided to keep the two of them together. An experiment in isolation vs socialization

as a result, the boys have not seen each other for the last decade, with the exception of two Incidents that I won't be detailing in this post (gotta keep a few secrets lol)

the boys are put through harsh training in an attempt to "tame" them and train them to attack/kill soldiers as ordered. they're also run through tests to determine things like their mental capacity and problem solving skills. there's no like medical testing/experimentation on them in this AU though it's mostly like if they do bad they get shocked and also the scientists/trainers don't really have compunctions against hitting them or muzzling them.

when not in training they live in their own zoo-like enclosures inside sterile rooms, much like the one in Shape of Water which is part of why the AU is the Shape of Water AU lol

MEANWHILE

April is an aspiring investigative journalist who just saw her first success uncovering some shady dealings in a supposedly non-profit organization

she receives a tip about something strange happening in an otherwise normal lab and testing facility just outside NYC's city limits

she's expecting to find illegal animal testing or bioweapons research

instead she finds Turtle Four

Donnie

has been isolated this whole time and as a result is more than a little feral, but not so much that he can't talk. he just has absolutely no sense of social etiquette (my inspiration is the bit in Rat Flu where he says "Make him say yessssah" and HEY BOY IT'S ME THE PS5-)

also he's still autistic but he hasn't learned to mask at all so he acts in a way the humans find weird and unsettling

thinks the humans around him are all idiots and he's so much smarter and better than them. basically his canon superiority complex has ratcheted up to 100 because he has no respect for these guys at all

makes regular escape attempts so lab security just keeps adding more and more obstacles (like an electric fence around his enclosure and steel doors to the room)

probably could have escaped by now but he always doubles back for his brothers and that's how he always gets caught by The Hunter

not as good with tech as his canon counterpart but only because he hasn't been allowed to read or study anything while he's been stuck here, so he only knows as much as he's pieced together messing with things in his enclosure and observing the humans. he's learned a LOT even this way (which is why he knows he's a genius!) but his thirst for knowledge is immense and he wants to get out so he can read books! break things and put them back together! use the internet!

has built up an entire imagined scenario of how things will be once he finally does break himself and his brothers out of there and I'm sure that everything will go exactly how he's expecting and there will be no hiccups at all :)

no longer has any attachment to the name Donatello and thinks of himself as Turtle Four, though he does remember being called Purple too

thinks their dad has abandoned them and doesn't really have any hope that he's looking for them

has a lot of scars on his body from his many many escape attempts and punishments, but most noticeably a scar along his jaw on the left side of his face

Leo

has been with Mikey this whole time so is still much more socialized, lucid, and "human" acting compared to Donnie

has poured all his energy since coming here into being Mikey's Big Brother and making sure things are safe and comfortable for him, being upbeat and positive for his sake, trying to make him laugh and keep him happy to the best of his ability, and generally just doing his normal canon thing but pushed to 11

this façade is the only thing keeping him going and god help him if it cracks

the scientists realized early on that it's easier to get Leo to comply if they threaten/hurt Mikey so Leo is scared of going out of line and just a big ball of guilt 24/7

due to An Incident he has a scar on the right side of his face that matches Donnie, and he doesn't particularly trust Donnie as a result. wishes he would stop his escape attempts because it makes the scientists cranky and they take it out on him and Mikey

still insists their dad is coming for them, if only to keep Mikey's hopes alive

inwardly pretty sure they're going to die here

is the only one who has seen Raph since their initial separation and refuses to talk about it

I'll Keep These Feelings Inside And Then I'll Die

still fully associates with the name Leo

Mikey

fully aware that Leo's putting on act for his sake, but if being a Big Brother is what he needs to keep going then he'll be the Little Brother he needs

knows it's unhealthy but what are they supposed to do?

feels guilt for being used as leverage against Leo

fascinated by humans even though he knows they hurt him regularly

once he saw a scientist doodling and his mind expanded by 1000%. the scientist drew him eventually and he's wanted so bad to do art ever since

the previous bullet point sounds like it's leading to a wholesome interaction but it is not, I'm sorry I mislead you

not as sure that their dad will save them as he lets Leo think he is; he has faith that their dad loves them and is still looking for them but also thinks Donnie is right that they should be helping themselves so they can get back to him

generally has more faith in their brothers than Leo does

can destroy you but chooses not to

still fully associates with the name Mikey

Raph

has gone full savage; it's a defense mechanism

his memories are still there, but they're so deep in his mind he currently only accesses them as vague feelings and sensations

still knows his family by scent, if not by sight

gentle giant when he's surrounded by Familiar Smells, very very aggressive when surrounded by Unfamiliar Smells

he's so dangerous the scientists don't interact with him much, which doesn't help the situation

thinks of himself as "it," when he thinks of himself at all

uncovering the real Raph would take a safe place and time and patience and he isn't getting any of that here!

April

was just trying to live her life man

dating Sunita but presently bummed that Sunita has rejected her suggestion that they move in together (it's because Sunita hasn't broken the whole "I'm actually a slime monster" news to her yet and isn't sure how, but April doesn't know that so she just thinks Sunita isn't as serious as she is)

when she meets Donnie he scares the absolute shit out of her at first

her first instinct is to get away from this whole mess ASAP, but then she realizes Donnie is just a kid and she can't just leave him in there

then he reveals he has 3 brothers and no he is NOT leaving without them

what has she gotten herself into...

is undoubtedly and irrevocably Big Sis April by the end

Splinter

never once stopped looking

finally found a lead that seemed legit but would need a human to help him get inside

found out about a young intrepid reporter looking for tips........

and that's all I'll say now ;)

The Hunter

basically the evil Robert Muldoon (from Jurassic Park)

I haven't named him yet sorry

his job is to catch the turtles if they escape, and he also participates in their training

fully aware that the turtles are more intelligent than they let on, thinks this just makes them more exciting to hunt

Donnie is basically his archnemesis (having a 14-year-old archnemesis is kind of cringe though bro)

will hurt them and doesn't feel bad about it

is missing a finger thanks to Donnie (I did say this was a Shape of Water inspired AU lol)

This was probably a little thin in places so if you are interested and have questions ask me! Wheeeeeeee~

#100 feet and a world away #my separated au #there's more I want to say but also I don't want to spoil too much if I DO write the fic #so this is just like #the really basic stuff

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