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whatifitis · 2 days ago
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♡ I See You - LN 4 ♡
Summary: Lando is under immense stress due to his career and he can't drag down his love with him. Will their relationship survive a horror movie?
Author's Note: This was requested and as soon as I saw it, I was excited to start it and I had so many ideas for this so I hope y'all enjoy it!
WC: 6k+ with some instagram posts
CW: poor mental health, a bit of angst, a kiss here and there, happy ending
-=+=-
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479,271 likes
f1 Just one lap could’ve made all the difference for Lando’s race 😣
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User32 Lando needs to stop thinking he ‘should’ve won’ it’s starting to seem a little entitled.. The two ahead of him have 165 wins between them
User33 They completely ruined Oscar’s race
User34 the only thing he brings to McLaren and F1 is shame
User35 Geez people in the comments are so quick to say hateful things but don’t think about how their words hurt, lando is pressuring himself into doing good and yall just wanna hate on him at any chance you get
-=+=-
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f1gossip sources close to the couple are saying that Lando Norris and Y/n L/n have split after just 7 months together
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User22 she was just one of the girls he’ll date for like a summer then leave when he’s bored. Can’t wait to see who the next slut is
User67 she lost color in her face since she’s been with him, glad she finally knows her worth
User54 she looked so bored recently, and i mean it’s her right since he practically love bombed her
-=+=-
“I can’t break you when I’m breaking.” - was all you heard before everything went silent. 
You and Lando had been together for about 7 months, not all of which was rainbows and daisies. 
When you first met, it was like stepping into the sun again after having spent so long in the dark. You had your fair share of heartaches before Lando. It was hard for you to give in to him at first, but after a few weeks, you gave in and you’re grateful for giving not only him, but yourself a chance. 
You knew what you were getting into when you started dating him. You knew he was a driver in F1 and that his fanbase could be quite protective of him. You also were aware of his crazy schedule with the races and meetings and training. Lando also told you about how he and his ex had to break up due to the invasion of privacy that was experienced, and how his ex simply couldn’t do it anymore, which is more than understandable. But even with every warning he gave you, you still stayed. 
These past few weeks have been chaotic though. Lando is a strong contender for the WDC this year against Max and there’s pressure and eyes all around him. You’ve watched as the media berated him for weeks and weeks, never letting up. Everyone has high expectations of him and it’s slowly destroying him, even if he can’t see it yet. 
You won’t lie, it has indeed had an impact on your guys’ relationship. Not only is distance and time difference straining you two, but the constant analysis and comments from the media have taken a toll. 
It was obvious to you that Lando would be gone for most weeks out of the year, but now, even when he is home, he’s not fully there. It’s like he’s a ghost in his own home, his own body. 
“You’re not breaking me” - you tell him. But you both know you’re lying. As much as you may love him, his distance has been something that has destroyed you. You started to wonder what you were doing wrong, how could you fix this? 
“I am, and it’s hurting me so much that I’m doing this to you when you don’t deserve all this shit. You deserve so much more. You deserve all the good things in life, like seeing your partner for more than a week, going to the grocery store without being stalked by fans, having someone who can be there for you, someone who won’t drag you down.” he says, tears streaming down his face. His hands are shaking at the thought of losing you, but he knows he loves you too much to let you down. He’s completely broken now. His heart aches and sinks every time he thinks about how you’re being treated. He doesn’t want to be the person who takes your sparkle, who makes you feel less of a person. 
“You’re not. I’m fine. We’re fine, love. I can handle it, all the shit that’s getting thrown at us. We can survive this horror movie.” you try to convince him… convince yourself, as tears are now streaming down your face as well. 
“We can’t. I’m not the way I was, I’m not the same person I was when we met.” you watch as he takes a shaky breath in, trying to compose himself, “All I ever wanted was to drive and race in Formula 1. But now that I have it, it doesn’t feel enough. As soon as I joined, so much pressure was put on me to be the best. When I started, the car was shit, so I helped make it better, and I did. I feel like all I’m doing is trying and trying to please everyone and to be who they want me to be, but it’s so hard. And this isn’t what I wanted. I just wanted to race and have fun, not drive myself to the point of destruction. I don’t want to be the machine that the team, media, and fans want me, and expect me to be. I feel like I’m giving my all to the team and to the sport but it’s not enough and it’ll never be enough. I feel like I’m stuck and I can’t get out no matter what I do. The one thing I wanted all my life, and now it’s mine. But it feels like I’m theirs.” he lets out an ironic laugh. 
You slowly walk to him, moving to hold his hands in yours. Without missing a beat, one of your hands gently lifts his chin, making his eyes connect with yours. 
“They’re feeding you to the wolves and it’s unfair. They cheer your name until the lights go out, then they throw you to the side and disregard you till the next time they need you. They’re not fair to you and it’s draining you. You have a look that I can’t recognize. You used to love this sport with all your heart but now it’s the thing that’s killing you.”
“But I need to keep going. I need to prove that I can be what they want. I need to prove that I’m not just some spoiled, ignorant kid who paid his way to this place. I need to show that I earned my right to be here and to have this seat.” he tries to explain. 
“I understand that, Lan. But we need to find a better way to handle all this. It’s clearly taking a toll on you and your health. It’s been a long year. You’re constantly watched and analyzed, with people documenting your every move to create sickening plots for their stories of you, of us. They expect so much, so you’re expected to follow, but that’s not how it’s supposed to work.” He pulls back from you, removing his hands from yours and taking steps back. You watch as he begins to pace the room, shaking his head as he speaks. 
“To know me is to hate me, and to hate what I’ve become. It’s to watch me fail over and over again, and I can’t keep doing this to you. I can’t let you hold my hand in yours anymore.” he says as he stops in front of you, trying his best to refrain from spilling more tears but it’s merely impossible. His biggest fear is coming into fruition, he’s losing you. He’s letting you go. He wanted to let you out of this mess before it was too far gone for you to come back to life. You gave him all of your best self and your endless empathy. 
“What are you saying, Lan?” you barely let out as a whisper, afraid of the answer. 
“I’m letting you go. I know I’m gonna sound like an asshole but I have to do this. All this shit is just gonna hurt you more. You can’t do this to yourself. It’s killing me to know I’m just bringing you down with me.” he practically pleads. 
“I stay because I want to, not because I feel forced to or like I have to. I do it because I love you.” your voice cracks with the last bit. 
“I’m sorry for all this. I care about you a lot and I hope everything goes well. I hope you get everything you could ever want. I’m sorry for all the mess.”
“Don’t be sorry. You are worth all of the shit. But can you please let me stay?” you beg through tears.
His lips are quivering, tear stains paint his face as he breaks himself in two. Cause truthfully, you will always hold a part of him. Through all the obstacles and shit, you stuck by him. 
“Goodbye, y/n.” is all he says before he turns his back on you, walking out the door. 
He didn’t even wait for your response, leaving as soon as he could because he knew if he stayed any longer, he wouldn’t have followed through with the breakup. 
You weren’t sure how long you stood there, in the middle of your living room. You had to watch the person you thought you would marry, walk out the door. You thought he was your forever. You shared your dreams with each other, planned out the house you two would grow old in. The house where you would have rocking chairs on the front porch where the two of you would watch the neighborhood kids run by, yelling at them to stay off the lawn. What dreams those were, dreams that would remain just that, dreams. 
For a while after the breakup, all you did was lie in bed either sleeping the days away or doom scrolling on social media. It got so bad that your roommate/best friend had to physically drag you out of bed after a week of letting you rot in it.
The first day of what your best friend liked to call “post breakup, glow up”, you guys decided to just have a self care day where you took it easy and ordered in food and did face masks while coloring in some books. 
It was fun and a nice distraction until your phone dinged. The look on your face scared your best friend so she looked over your shoulder to see who it was. Lando’s name was displayed along with a message, “Hey, how you been?”. 
Was this how exes interacted after a breakup? Typically after the breakups you’ve experienced, there was no contact. What’s Lando up to? You knew he didn’t keep in contact with any of his exes after their break ups, so why was he texting you? 
When you snap back to reality, your friend is giving you a concerned look, wanting to know what was going through your head so she could help in the best way possible. 
“Should I text him back?” You asked.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea, babe. He still hurt you towards the end of the relationship, although not intentionally, but it still fucked you up a bit. I don’t want you to lose the progress you’ve made.”
“Yeah, I understand. I won’t text him back then.” You tell her as you turn off your phone and throw it to the side, picking up your marker and starting coloring again. 
You lied. You ended up texting him back later that night once you were back in bed, ready to end the night with what hopefully would be a decent sleep. 
You and Lando exchanged a few texts, mainly just catching up and seeing how the other was. You weren’t gonna lie, it felt nice to talk to him again. But what was this gonna lead to? Hopefully getting back together, but what are the odds? 
The occasional text conversations took place over the course of a few weeks. Lando knew he shouldn’t have been texting you, but he couldn’t help himself. The weeks following the break up, he went back and forth on whether he regretted it or not. He wondered if it was the best thing to do. 
Every day, he saw you in everything he saw or did. When he goes to get coffee, he swears he can still hear you laughing at the mustache of foam that would appear on his face after his first sip of coffee. 
When he’s outside in the park for a run, he’s reminded of you when he sees the rabbits hiding in the bushes. You always used to squeal out of joy and cuteness from the rabbits, even if you’d already seen them about 20 times prior. 
Every song, every film, every color reminded him of you. He thought about you every single day, wondering what you were doing and how you were. He even went as far as stalking your Spotify profile. He knew you made playlists for everything and he would watch your listening activity to see what mood you were in. 
He wasn’t surprised when he saw you listening to Taylor Swift and Gracie Abrams for hours on end. Those two were your go to sad girls. But he was surprised when none of the songs were about how shit the guy was. All the songs you were listening to were about regretting breakups and just missing someone. 
The night he texted you for the first time since the breakup, he had been gaming with Max and a few of his other friends, trying to take his mind off things. 
He didn't know what he texted you, he just did. He didn’t even have a plan for what he wanted to say. It turned out all right in the end though. You guys had a peaceful conversation and shared a laugh or two, for which he was grateful. 
Maybe you guys could remain friends? 
-=+=-
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y/n_l/n i’m on my knees at the altar, baby
Asking God to wash you from my soul
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User4 he’s a waste of running mascara, you’re on to greater things 
alexandrasaintmeux the most beautiful girl in the world
User97 ummm, what’s lando doing in the likes?! Didn’t they break up…
User23 she was a fool for thinking she could be enough for him
User10 lando leave the poor girl alone, you’ve done enough damage 
-=+=-
Everytime he texted you, you came back. He’d ask to try again and you’d say yes. You’d come back to his place and spend nights there, only for him to break things off again. He keeps saying he can fix it and do better. But then he sends you on your own again. He keeps telling you how much he loves you, only to tell you he’s not good enough for you and that you should break up, again. 
For two months, the two of you went back and forth. You would break up one week then get back together the next. It felt like a game that you kept losing and you were tired of it. 
It felt like you were always taking one step forward and two steps back. Now you know, none of this is fair to you. You keep trying to give him your all, trying to be there for him when he needs it but he still doesn’t change. 
You know you’re not falling out of love for him. But you think you have to fully let him go now. Do what he did to you to protect you, but actually block him out after. Instead of stringing him along like he did to you. 
It’s a week before the Belgium GP so it’s now or never. 
You asked Lando to meet you in your shared hotel room as the Hungarian GP just ended earlier. He’d gotten P2 which is amazing. But he still wasn’t entirely happy with his performance as he thinks he could’ve done better. The team thinks he should’ve gotten P1 and that it would’ve helped gain more points for the championship. 
You would’ve preferred to pick a better time to do this, but there is no other time, at least anytime soon. But you don’t want to be stuck here forever, in this loop of false hope. 
When Lando gets back to your shared room, he finds you sitting on the edge of the bed, picking at the skin on your fingers. 
“Hey, stop doing that. It’s not good for you.” He gives you a smile as he takes off his shoes and meets you in the bed. As he sits next to you, he lands a kiss on the top of your head and then a kiss on your cheek before finally connecting your lips with his in a sweet, warm kiss. 
“You said you wanted to talk to me about something? What’s up? Everything alright?” He asks, a bit of concern laces his words. 
You take a deep breath and sit up straight, trying to gain the courage to follow through with your plan.
“I can’t do this anymore.” You say. Lando’s heart drops at your words. 
“What’d you mean?” He stutters a bit.
It takes everything in you to look him in the eye as you say “I’m breaking up with you, for good.”
“Oh.” Is all that comes out of his mouth. He’s turned his body forward, staring blankly at the wall as he processes this.
“I’m sorry, Lando. But it’s not fair to either of us. We keep stringing each other along. Hoping for something that’ll never happen. I’m tired. It feels like I’m the only one fighting for us.” 
Lando suddenly sucks in a breath of air, furrowing his eyebrows and turning his body to you before telling you “no”
“No? Lando, what do you mean no?”
“No, we’re not breaking up again.”
“You can’t just say no. I’m- I’m making this decision for the both of us. For our best interest, we have to break up.”
“No, I’m not having it. I’m not doing it. It’s you and me til the end.”
“Lando, please can we ju-“
“Nope.”
You sit there dumbfounded at what’s happening. Is he refusing a breakup like it’s a piece of fish? 
You sit there and stare at him for a hot minute before crossing your arms and asking “why?”
“Cause”, is all he says before he stands up and goes to take a shower. 
Ain’t no way. 
You’re so confused and amazed at what just happened. He really just denied a breakup. 
As Lando took his shower, you took this time to process what happened and how to go about this conversation again once he comes back. 
After about 15 minutes, Lando leaves the bathroom in fresh clothes and stands in front of you, “what’d you want for dinner?” 
“Did you disregard my breakup speech?” You stand and ask.
“Yes. Now, where’s the room service menu?” He asks as he pads around the room, genuinely looking for the room service menu. 
You bring your hands to your face and roughly rub your eyes to try and approach this correctly. 
“Lando, stop thinking about the menu for 5 seconds and look at me.”
He’s stopped dead in his tracks and looks at you innocently. 
This guy. 
His bottom lip begins to quiver and his eyes become glossed with tears. 
With a bit of rasp in his voice he tells you “We’re not breaking up. I can’t lose you again, I won’t do it. You’re the best thing I’ve ever had and pushing you away was awful. I missed your laugh, I missed your jokes, I missed your loose hairs all around the flat, I missed your snoring when I tried to sleep, I missed you. Please don’t go again.” 
Tears are streaming down his face as he begs you to stay. 
“Lando, we can’t keep doing the same shit over and over again. We break up one week then get back together the next. You tell me you’ll do better and you’ll fix things but nothing changes. You’re still under immense stress and letting people walk all over you. I don’t know how we can survive this anymore if you don’t try to change that.” 
You start to wonder if breaking up really is the best solution. You would still be sad about losing him and you would still constantly worry about him. He would still be stuck in this toxic place where everyone puts all their expectations on him. Everyone would still harass him and analyze his every move. What would breaking up really fix? 
“Please. I’m standing here trying to be honest. We’re a thousand miles away from the day that we started, and I’m still in love with you. I just wanna forget everything that’s come and gone cause I hate not being with you. The stars don’t shine as bright when you’re not here.”
Slowly, you walk up to him, reaching for the sides of his face and using your thumbs to wipe away some of his tears. He instinctively moves his hands to your hips, holding you as tight as he can, as if you’re water in his hands. You look him in the eyes and realize you love him too much to let him go. You two love each other too much to leave it like this. 
“Hey,” you say softly, “why don’t we do this? The Belgian GP is next week, right? You’ll go do that and I’ll go home for a bit. After the Belgian GP, I’ll meet you in Glastonbury, yeah? We’ll spend your break there and we’ll try and sort out whatever’s going on up here?” You ask as you gently tap the side of his head. 
All he can do is smile, grateful for you and your patience with his shit. He nods his head yes before pulling you closer and holding you tight, burying his face into your neck. 
With a deep breath, you feel Lando relax in your arms. 
“Thank you.” He whispers in your neck. He can’t believe he’s able to keep someone as special as you in his life, even with the war in his head. 
“We’ll be alright. We’re okay”, you don’t say anything else, just holding him closer, knowing it’s enough for him right now. Maybe you two could try to go back where you started. 
Lando booked a flight from Belgium to go back to his hometown almost immediately after the race. He just couldn’t bear being away from you for so long, especially after all the shit you guys have been through, especially after all the shit he put you through. 
You decided that since he’ll be landing quite late, the two of you would spend the night watching movies and eating some home cooked food. The beginning of the healing journey could start tomorrow. 
When he landed at the airport, he was greeted by you with a massive sign that said “Lando Norris - STD clinic emergency shuttle”. 
The amount of laughs that the sign got was a joy to you. Especially the laugh Lando had let out upon reading the sign. He knew you were gonna pull some shit like this, although he was surprised you didn’t wear scrubs to add to the bit. 
With a big warm hug, Lando finally felt like he could start to relax and let go, at least until the next race. 
The two of you made your way to your car, then headed back to a secluded airbnb that you had rented for the next few weeks. Although the two of you were more than welcome to stay with Lando’s family, the pair of you thought it would be best if Lando had a place with some real peace and quiet to be able to sort through his mind. 
During the drive to the airbnb, you put on a playlist that you had made for drives with Lando at the beginning of your relationship. It had been a while since you’d played it, so it was a pleasant surprise for him when he realized what playlist was playing after a few songs. 
“I forgot about this playlist. Missed it." He gives a soft smile. The one he used to have before all the chaos had been inflicted. You can tell this little break will definitely bring back at least a small piece of your Lando. 
“I did too. Found it the other day when I was clearing my playlists. I added a few more songs as well. I know we usually pick the songs for this playlist together but I thought it’d be nice. Hope you don’t mind.” you tell him, wondering if maybe he’d be upset that you messed with the playlist without him. 
“Nah. I like it. Like a bit of a surprise for me.” he says as he shrugs his shoulders. You smile as you look at him for a moment. Your boy is coming back to you, slowly but surely. 
“Oh, don’t speed here. There’s always this one fucking guy sitting in a corner, ready to give anyone and everyone a ticket.” he tells you as you turn onto a certain street. 
“You know every road in this county, don't you?” you tease, watching as he gets a bit shy. 
“Yeah, let’s just say he may or may not love to see me coming. He used to catch me speeding all the time and he gave me too many fucking tickets.” 
You just sit there and laugh at him. Of course the Formula 1 driver always gets caught speeding. 
Once you pull into the driveway for the airbnb, Lando is smiling, already getting out of the car and closing his eyes, breathing in the fresh air and taking it all in. He’s excited and grateful for this break from the races. As much as he does enjoy the actual racing, all the other factors were pushing him to his breaking point. The sun was collapsing but he didn’t realize until everything came crashing down all at once. 
He’s pulled out of his thoughts when you close the car door. He starts moving to the trunk of the car to pull out his luggage. You wait by the front of the car, watching him roll his way to you and taking your hand in his as he leads you to the door of the house. 
The second you unlocked the door and opened it, Lando ran in like a kid and immediately dropped all his belongings before flopping onto the couch. 
Yup, that’s my man. 
“You like it? Out of all the rentals available, I thought this one was the best. It’s a bit far from everything and there’s a hiking trail not far.” you tell him, walking to the kitchen to prepare dinner. 
Lando is rolling on the couch as if he were a dog trying to get into a comfortable position. His head pops over the back of the couch to look at you, “Yeah, seems quite cozy. Thanks for this, darling. I know I don’t really deserve you but I’m really grateful that you’ve given me so many chances.”
“Don’t thank me, love. I love you and I want you to be okay,” his cheeks blush at your words. It’s been a while since you’ve called him ‘love’, “Put something on the tv and lie down for a bit while I prepare dinner, yeah?” 
“You sure I can’t help you? I can peel a potato or something… okay maybe nothing as advanced as peeling a potato but I can boil noodles or something.” he chuckles a bit. 
“Gorgeous, last time you tried to boil noodles, you burnt the water. I still don’t know how you managed that.” you couldn’t contain your laugh at the memory. It was one of your first dates with Lan and he’d wanted to make you a home cooked meal. Take out ended up being delivered. 
“Yeah, alright. We’re watching Hannah Montana.” he said as he flopped his back against the couch. 
When dinner was cooked, you and Lando plated the food before moving to sit on the floor in the living area, using the coffee table to eat off. 
The two of you continued watching Hannah Montana until the episode where Blue Jeans became ill. Lan immediately changed the show to play the movie rather than the tv series.
“Lan, you do know Blue Jeans recovers at the end of the episode, right?” 
“Yeah but he still has to go through the traumatic experience of being bitten by that snake and I just can’t. We’re gonna watch the Hannah Montana movie now and slow dance to ‘Crazier', cry to ‘Butterfly Fly Away’, and dance to ‘You Can Always Find Your Way Back Home’.” he tells you sternly. He's made up his mind and nothings gonna change that. So that’s just what you do. 
When Taylor Swift appears on the screen and starts singing ‘Crazier’, Lando jumps up off the floor and leans his body towards you, holding his hand out for you to take. Once you place your hand in his, he pulls you swiftly off the floor, pulling your body close to his. You wrap your arms around his neck while his hands are secured on your waist. The two of you swing your bodies slowly and effortlessly to the melody that’s playing in the background. 
When the lyric “you lift my feet off the ground.” Lando does exactly that. He’s gripped your waist and lifted you in the air, bringing a squeal out of you as you were not expecting that. He keeps you above him as you let out a fit of giggles. Once your feet land back on the ground, you fall into Lando, trying to catch your breath. You listen to his heartbeat and hold him tight. He really is your favorite person. 
In true Lando fashion, he knows all the words to this song. As he should since he decided it was one of your songs a while ago. You watch as he sings the words to you, and you realize just how truly in love you are with the person in front of you. You would wait forever for him. He’s the closest to heaven you’ll ever be. 
Once the song ends, the two of you sit back down and continue watching the movie. You were cuddled up to Lando, wrapping yourself around his arm as he rested his head on yours, occasionally leaving soft kisses. 
The beginning chords of ‘Butterfly Fly Away’ play and Lando is already in tears. He’s already buried his head into your shoulder as he sobs about how emotional the song is. “He was always there for her. He tucked her in and turned out the light. He had to do it all alone!” 
All you could do to comfort him was hold him close to you and rub his back. You hummed along to the song, Lando loved it when you did that. You never sang in front of him, but when you did, it was like God's greatest gift to him.  
The end of the movie was near as the opening chords of ‘You’ll Always Find Your Way Back Home’. The two of you were already on your feet, ready to dance and sing along. Lando had even pushed some of the furniture out so that there was more room for dancing. 
With some crazy moves and a whole lot of jumping around, you and your love had the time of your lives. 
Lando is pointing at you when he sings the lines “‘Cause, when I’m feeling down, and I’m all alone, whoa, oh. I’ve always got a place where I can go.” singing completely off key but who cares, he’s having fun, and so are you. 
When the song comes to an end, you’re in Lando’s arms, trying to catch your breath again. But it feels impossible when everytime you look at him, he takes your breath away. The most beautiful man ever is yours? Crazy, really. 
You stay in his arms for a moment, looking into those eyes that looked like sunlight was filtering through leaves. 
“Home.” he breaks the silence, smiling down at you wholeheartedly. He cocks his head to the side before continuing, “You’re my home.” 
It took everything in you not to break down into a puddle of tears at that moment. 
Instead, you bring your lips to his, connecting them in a sweet, soft exchange. 
After putting the furniture back in place and cleaning the dishes from dinner, you lead Lando to the room you’ll be sharing during this little vacation. 
After a quick shower, Lando meets you on the bed, almost collapsing onto it due to the exhaustion he’s been in. 
There’s no need to exchange any words at this moment. You just pull Lando into you, watching as he rests his head on your chest and wraps his arm around your waist. You scratch the back of his neck, messing with his curls a bit as your other hand draws patterns on his bare back. 
After a minute, you feel Lan relax into you, watching as his breathing becomes shallow and steady. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep and you're thankful. He truly does need sleep, especially for the talk you two will have in the morning. 
You follow suit with Lando and fall asleep soon after him. It was the best sleep you’d had in ages. 
The sun shines through the thin, cotton curtains that cover the windows. Lando’s chest is warm against your back, his arm wrapped around your torso, keeping you close to him. The steady breathing lets you know he’s still sound asleep. You check the time, reading 7:24 am. It’s still a bit early so you decide to get some breakfast prepared for when Lando wakes up. 
You slowly and quietly move out of his arms, careful not to wake him as you know he won’t stay in bed if he knows you aren’t next to him. Once you’re out of bed, you brush your teeth and 
make your way to the kitchen. 
Breakfast is kept simple, just some overnight oats with some fruit and honey. After a few minutes of washing and cutting some fruit, you watch as Lando emerges from the bedroom, sleep lacing his features. 
“I didn’t hear you leave the bed.” he frowns at you. 
“Sorry, darling. I knew you were tired and I didn’t want to wake you so soon. But your timing is perfect! I've just finished preparing breakfast.” you smile gleefully, presenting him with a beautiful bowl of fruits and oats. 
The smile on his face is enough to brighten the whole room. “Thanks, baby. Looks amazing, as always.”, he walks around the kitchen counter to kiss you. 
Once he’s sat down and begun eating, you tell him your plan for the day, or his plan. 
“I was thinking we could go on that hiking trail I told you about. Getting some fresh air and some sun could be good for you. We could also talk a bit? About everything?”
You can tell he’s a bit uncomfortable from the way he stiffens when you mention wanting to talk. He was never really one for talking about himself and the things he’s struggling with. He much prefers listening but he knows he has to let you in a bit. 
Without looking up at you, he responds, “Yeah. Sounds good.” continuing to stuff his face with his oats. 
Once you two had finished breakfast, you put on your shoes and made your way to the hiking trail. 
During the beginning of your walk, you decided it would be best to get Lando to feel comfortable before jumping into the whole discussion of him and his mental health. So you begin by asking, “So, Tarkov, how have you been doing in it?”
He looks at you with genuine surprise, wondering why the fuck you’re asking about Tarkov when he knows it’s not your type of game. But, he answers anyway, “Erm, it’s turned into more shit and giggles if anything. A lot of messing with Max and them. Oh, the other day I stabbed Max’s character in the leg cause he stabbed my foot. And then I stabbed him again but his game was glitching so he couldn’t heal. He was actively dying and couldn’t stop it so I shot his guy. Let’s just say he wasn’t exactly joyful about that. But in my defense, he would’ve died anyway. It was a mercy kill.” he laughs to himself. 
After almost 45 minutes of walking, you guys stumbled upon a nice lake that was surrounded by trees. There was a shore with some large boulders so you led Lando there for a bit of a break from walking. 
You two sat there for a moment before you broke the silence to try and talk to him. 
“You know I love you right?” you ask him, watching him look down at his hands and start to fiddle them. 
“Yeah.” he responds quietly. 
“I want you to be okay, Lan. I can see you being torn apart by everyone and everything. I don’t want to watch you fall because you don’t deserve that.” “It’s hard, being me. I know I should be happy for everything that I have. I mean, I have money, a house, so many fucking cars that I don’t need, a loving family, and the most amazing and beautiful girlfriend. But, it feels like I’m drowning in everything with racing.” - he confesses, his tone is low, matching the way his reality makes him feel so small.
You scooch closer to him, taking his hand in yours, “I know it’s been hard. And you have the right to feel the way you do. You’re the person who gets the most shit right now with the media. They’re all twisting shit to fit their narrative. But you need to keep pushing back, don’t let them walk over you anymore.” “My mind is complicated. But when you’re here, next to me, it quiets a bit. I know that when I’m with you, everything is easy, like a million things can be thrown at me, but at the end of the day, if you’re here, I’ll be okay. I know I sort of broke you, someone I love so much. It’s all me, in my head. I burned us down and I’m sorry I did that to you. I don’t wanna lose you.” “You’ll never lose me, Lan. I’ll keep your hand in mine, until we’re food for the worms to eat, til our fingers decompose. This love of ours isn’t temporary. So I’m not gonna give up on us, on you.” - your hand touches the side of his face, bringing him to meet your eyes before you continue, “I’m still yours, even when you lose your mind and try breaking up with me a million times. None of this is your fault. You’re all I want.”
Tears begin to stream down his face as he leans his forehead against yours, “I just want you to know who I am, outside of the racing and the drama. I don’t want them to see me, just you, cause you’re the only one who understands me.”
You lift his chin so he can look in your eyes again as you say, “I know who you are. You’re the best thing that’s ever been mine, and I’m never letting you go again.”
-=+=-
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Tagged: y/n_l/n
landonorris baby, you showed me what living is for and i dont wanna hide anymore
Thank you for everything, my love. I wouldn’t be where I am without you 🧡
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User23 now wait a min ✋ how many chapters did i miss?
User54 i told y’all they were fine! No way a couple as in love as them would ever break up
User75 alexa, play ‘that should be me’ by justin bieber 🫠 User13 omg, and the taylor lyrics 😭 she loves taylor swift and he dedicated it to her 😭😭😭😭😭
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aquaticmercy · 1 day ago
Text
Waste a Moment / Part 8
Summary : Bucky had always kept his distance, but seeing you get hurt on a mission changed everything. For the first time, he has a chance to start over with you.
Pairing : Bucky Barnes x avenger!reader (she/her) 
Warnings/tags : Mentions of food. Cursing. Memory loss. Head injury. Reader used to work in a museum. Descriptions of sex (not graphic)
Requested by :  @remoony
Word count : 3.9k
Note : Loved the new Thunderbolts trailer. I am so excited to see Buck and Yelena interact in MCU canon! I will also be posting a thunderbolts! Bucky one shot soon so keep your eyes peeled! Also I know I uploaded yesterday but I have this locked and loaded and ready to go so this chapter’s early! 🫶
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"Cursed By the Crown"
Friday.
You had already left the compound, exhausted from the day’s session. Bucky had stayed behind, as he often did, cleaning up the equipment and keeping to himself.
Yelena leaned on the doorway, watching him for a moment.
“Up for a spar?” Her tone was light, though her eyes had a stormy darkness to them.
Bucky exhaled, not even looking up. “It’s late.”
“Oh, come on.” She sauntered in, shrugging off her jacket and rolling her shoulders, settling into a loose stance. “Scared, Barnes?”
He shook his head, though his eyes never met hers. “Fine,” he said, almost to himself, moving into a ready position.
Bucky tightened his fists, his knuckles cracking under the pressure.
They began circling each other, slowly, like predators circling prey.
Yelena struck first, swift and precise. 
He blocked it, barely, the impact reverberating up his arm.
Yelena was relentless today. She pivoted, her leg sweeping out in a low arc, forcing him to jump back. She didn’t give him time to reset; she was on him again, fists flying in a controlled, practiced fury.
“You know, before she lost her memory,” Yelena’s voice emerged between punches, “she always thought you hated her.”
Bucky’s eyes widened.
She capitalized on it, her fist slamming into his ribs. He gasped, the pain sharp and immediate.
He forced himself to push back, retaliating with a swift punch aimed at her shoulder. 
She staggered back. 
“Now’s not the time,” he growled.
She threw another punch, this one grazing his jaw, just over the bruise you had given him when you punched him in your sleep. 
Yelena ignored his warning.
“You pushed her away. You were cold. Distant,” she said, words punctuated by each blow she landed, as if each strike was meant to drive home her accusation. 
Bucky could feel his temper rising, a familiar rage simmering beneath his touch skin.
Bucky caught her wrist with his metal arm mid-punch and twisting it, but careful not to break it. He shoved her back, but only for her to use the momentum to spring up again, her heel catching him across the jaw in a brutal arc. 
He could taste the metallic tang of blood from his lip, but he didn’t back down.
“Stop it,” he snapped. But she ignored him, her strikes coming harder. Faster.
“But you were always so protective of her,” she continued as she threw another punch, this one catching his shoulder. “Even when you pretended not to care, you watched over her. You noticed everything— the way she liked her coffee. Her favourite colour, the way she played with the ends of her hair when she was nervous.” She landed another blow, a quick jab to his gut that left him gasping. “Everyone noticed how much you cared. Everyone but her. But you pushed her away.”
Bucky swallowed, barely managing to hold back the waves of emotion threatening to break the surface. 
This time, he punched harder, knowing Yelena wasn’t going to hold back. 
He brought his knees up to her head. He didn’t put enough force to give her a concussion, but enough to draw blood from her forehead. 
Yelena blocked a hit from his human arm.
“Don’t tell her,” he said abruptly, his voice harsher than he intended.
“Why not?” She gripped his forearm.
He broke free, striking a punch that she couldn’t dodge, throwing her off balance. 
“I don’t want her to think of me like that,” Bucky replied.
Yelena’s eyebrows furrowed. 
“She’s not going to remember it on her own, Barnes.” Her knee shot up, catching him in the side. He staggered back, pain flaring through his ribs. “You’re the only one who can tell her how you were before and why.”
He blocked her next punch, gripping her arm tightly. He shoved her back.
Yelena stumbled, but she recovered quickly.
“What good is it going to do?” he bit out in frustration.
“If you don’t tell her, you’re going to carry that guilt forever,” she hissed. She aimed a punch at his jaw, but he ducked, countering with a brutal blow to her side. She gasped, wincing in pain. “N-not everybody—“ she spat a bit of blood on the mat— “It’s not everyday you get a second chance like this.”
“Second chances?” he echoed, throwing a punch that she narrowly avoided. “You want to talk to me about second chances, Belova?”
He watched as her usually flawless stance faltered.
“Sam told me,” he continued, his words venomous. “That you were too scared to see her. That you locked yourself up and whined and cried or whatever you did— when she was dying.”
Yelena’s face paled, her fists curling at her sides. Bucky saw the hurt behind her eyes, and maybe even a familiar guilt that followed him, too.
Yelena’s expression faltered. She opened her mouth to protest, but Bucky cut her off, putting another jab at the sides.
“At least I was there,” he said, his voice a mixture of frustration and pain as he dodged a side kick. “I sat by her bedside. I watched watched her fight just to breathe. I couldn’t— wouldn’t want her to be alone when she woke up. You think it was easy, watching her hooked up to all those machines just to stay alive?”
The words hit their mark; Yelena flinched as Bucky caught her in a headlock. Lucky for her, she knew how to outsmart a stronger opponent. She reached over in a desperate attempt to jab a finger close to his eyes as she could without blinding him.
When she broke free of his grip, she landed a vicious punch to his ribs, hard enough to make him double over.
“You think I didn’t want to be there?” she shouted, her voice cracked. She struck again, her fist connecting with his jaw, splitting the skin just below his cheekbone. Blood trickled down his face, mingling with the salty sting of sweat. “I couldn’t— I couldn’t lose another sister.”
“Excuses,” Bucky stumbled before catching himself. “I might have been cold. I might have kept my distance. But when she ran out of the compound, I tracked her. I offered her a place to stay. I was there when it mattered.”
“It’s doesn’t matter if I hurt her now,” Yelena’s voice rose now, almost a scream. “I am nothing. A friend, at most. I’m no longer a sister to her because she doesn’t fucking remember!” She took a breath, shoving Bucky down to the mat. “But you? You should hear the way she talks about you, Bucky. It’s like you hung the stars for her.”
He got up and turned away, chest heaving. 
He was done. 
Done with Yelena’s accusations. Her demands. Her criticism.
Mostly because he knew she was right.
Before he could storm out, she grabbed his arm, forcing him to face her again, her eyes ablaze with a mixture of hurt and desperation.
“If she finds out that I wasn’t there, it wouldn’t fucking matter,” she spat, her voice trembling in her Russian accent, dripping thicker now that she was shaking. “But if she finds out about you? It would break her. Because right now, you mean more to her than I ever did. Or ever could.”
Bucky’s breath caught, the words hitting harder than any punch she’d thrown. 
“You don’t get it,” he muttered, his voice barely a whisper, his gaze fixed on the floor.
Yelena’s grip tightened.
“No, you don’t get it,” she snapped, “She deserves to know who she’s falling in love with. All of you. Not just the parts you think are good enough for her.”
She’s falling in love with me? 
His fists loosened, his shoulders slumped. He looked at her swollen lip, her cut forehead, and realised what he’d done.
Yelena took a shaky breath, stepping back, but her gaze didn’t waver. “Just… think about it,” she pleaded.
She turned and walked away, leaving him standing there, alone. 
Bucky watched her, his face smeared with blood.
His blank stare flooded his mind back with memories—the moments where he had pushed you away, where he had convinced himself he wasn’t good enough for you, that you deserved someone better.
But now, he had a clean slate. He could be the person he always wanted to be for you. 
Maybe Yelena was right. Maybe he should tell you. But for now, he kept it to himself, wondering if he was making a mistake.
The door creaked open in your apartment.
Bucky tried to slip in quietly, but the minute you heard his footsteps, you emerged from the kitchen. You saw him standing near the small lamp, bruised and bloodied.
Your heart leapt into your throat, rushing over immediately.
“Bucky!” you gasped. You saw his split lip, the bruising above his cheekbone, the cuy along his jawline. He stood there, looking like he wanted the walls to swallow him whole.
You reached for him, guiding him toward the couch.
“What happened?” you asked, hands fluttering over his injuries as if you could somehow will them to disappear. The fear in your voice made him drop his gaze, his jaw clenching before he answered.
“Yelena,” he said, dismissively quick. “We were just sparring.” He tried to brush it off, but you knew Bucky’s little tells now— the way his eyebrows knitted when he had a lot on his mind. 
You eyed the bruises and the dried blood on his knuckles. “Just sparring?” you frowned. “You shouldn’t be training this… violently.”
He huffed, a weak smile tugging at his lips that didn’t reach his eyes. He started to say something, maybe to brush it off again, but the concern on your face made him go quiet.
You grabbed the first-aid kit Bruce had left— since he had been showing you teaching you basics over the last few days— you know, how to tend to a bullet wound. How to dislodge an arrow safely. 
He watched you open the box. His breath hitched as you rifled through it, muttering under your breath about “reckless idiots” and “grown ass spies who should know better.” Every so often, you glanced up, checking him with worried eyes.
He realized then just how much you truly cared. Just how deeply your concern ran. 
She looks at you like you hung the stars for her, Yelena had said. 
For the first time in a long time, he let himself be cared for—really cared for, not as a soldier, not as a mission.
“Maybe… I’ll have to talk to her about going easy on you,” you murmured with a small, gentle smile.
Never, he thought to himself, Yelena will never go easy on me. Not if I don’t tell you.
You pulled out antiseptic wipes and gauze, pulling him down on the cushions, letting him place his duffel bag on the floor. 
You kneeled down in front of him, taking his face in your hands with a tenderness that made his heart skip a beat. He felt the gentle kindness in your touch, the careful way you pressed against each wound.
“Hold still,” you whispered. You could see the vulnerability in his eyes. It was so unexpected that it sent your heart racing a thousand miles an hour.
Your fingers brushed the cut on his jaw, sending a dull ache through his skin, though he didn’t flinch. He just watched you, eyes tracing every line of your face. He studied the determination in your eyes, the way your lips parted in focus as you pressed the fabric against his swollen lip.
He felt his pulse race, fighting back the urge to reach for you.
You were so close, so painfully close.
You were so kind, partly because you didn’t know— didn’t know how he treated you then.
But now, you were looking at him with that delicate stare, with a warmth that felt like forgiveness for sins you didn’t even remember… it was too much. 
And fuck, he was so deeply, desperately in love with you. Every careful touch of your hands, every time your eyes met his— it made his chest ache.
He knew he had to have you now. Before Yelena could take you away from him.
Before Yelena could ruin this.
The words escaped him, hoarse, almost a whisper. 
“Kiss me.”
Your hands froze, your eyes widened. 
The words echoed in your mind. Time felt like it had slowed to a stop, your thoughts scrambled.
You had wanted this—wanted him—for so long, but had always held back. You did not want to cross that line.
But now… now, he was asking you to, almost pleading.
He swallowed, suddenly fearing he’d overstepped. 
But before he could apologize or take the words back, you leaned in, crashing your lips on to his, mindful of the bruise he had.
He was hesitant at first, waiting for you to pull back, to change your mind. When you didn’t, when you wrapped your arms around his neck, his restraint shattered.
His hands moved to your waist, pulling you closer.
Your lips deepened into his, turning desperate, urgent, and he drank every part of you in. His metal hand roamed up your back, pressing against you as though he were trying to memorize every curve, every inch of you. 
Your fingers slid into his hair, and he groaned low in his throat. He sounded rough, needy. His hands found your waist, pulling you on his lap. You straddled him, inching closer. He felt your heartbeat against his chest, wild and frantic, just like his.
You grew hungrier, his mouth moving against yours with a fierce, aching desperation that left him dizzy. He found himself lost in you, his hands gripping you tighter, scared that you would slip away.
“I don’t know if I loved you then,” You broke away just long enough to gasp, “but I love you now.”
Bucky’s breath hitched as he pressed his forehead against yours. 
Yours. He thought. I am yours now. No matter what Yelena says.
“I love you too,” he murmured, his voice barely more than a ragged whisper.
For a moment, nothing else existed but the two of you, the world slipping away as he kissed again.
It was rougher this time, his hands slipping beneath the hem of your shirt, feeling the warmth of your skin beneath his human fingers. You arched into his touch, gasping, and he kissed the hollow of your throat, breathing in the scent of you, feeling the way you clung to him.
And then, through the haze, a thought crept in, sharp and unwelcome, cutting through the bliss.
She deserves to know who she’s falling in love with, Yelena had said.
His hands stilled, the words rattling in his mind. He couldn’t ignore the truth—he was selfishly keeping you in the dark, shielding you from his mistakes, his regrets. 
He knew, deep down, that Yelena was right. 
But as you looked at him, eyes half-lidded and love drunk, fingers tracing his jaw lovingly, he couldn’t bring himself to shatter the moment. 
He cupped your face, brushing his thumb along your cheek, pulling you back into another kiss. It was soft this time, as if you were fragile. He thought could bury the guilt in the taste of you, and it did, if only for a while.
For now, he would keep this to himself, whatever the cost. He would let himself have this piece of you, even if it meant carrying the weight of the past alone.
Because, holding you like this, witnessing your love, he knew he’d sacrifice anything to keep you in his arms. 
Monday. 
The morning dawned in soft, golden light spilling through your curtains, and the warmth of it brought a gentle wakefulness that was better than any alarm. 
You were still tucked in Bucky’s arms. Even in sleep, he had held you close.
You stayed there for a few moments, enjoying the quiet before the day began, feeling his heartbeat strong and steady under your cheek.
You gently stirred, and Bucky’s arm tightened slightly.
His eyes slowly fluttered open to meet yours. Still hazy with sleep and a little unfocused, a small, sleepy smile pulled at his lips. 
For a while, he just looked at you. He had a tender quiet, tender awe in his expression that made your heart skip. His hand brushed lightly through your hair, his thumb tracing soft, absent-minded patterns against your shoulder as if he were memorizing the feel of you there beside him.
"Good morning," he murmured, his voice still thick and warm from sleep.
You smiled. "Good morning."
"I hope last night was… okay." There was a slight pink to his cheeks, as if he hadn’t quite processed what happened.
Last night had begun slowly. 
It had started with soft, teasing kisses, and grew heated, electric. His hands began to explore, gliding down your back. The need was there—gentle yet unmistakable. 
Each touch had been a gentle question, asking if you wanted him to keep going, and each time, your answer had come in the way you tugged him closer, the way your hands wandered over his skin, over his metal arm as if it was flesh and bone.
As you moved to the bed, his lips found their way down your neck. He had pressed slow, tender kisses that left you trembling, soft gasps escaping your mouth. His hands had traveled down your sides. He had to let you feel how long he had wanted this for, yet never rushing.
The two of you had found a rhythm that felt like it was only yours and yours alone. You had laid there with him, moving together in a seamless, gentle flow. His gaze hadn’t left yours, even as his breaths grew heavier and his grip tightened. He had needed you to know how much he wanted you.
Your fingers had threaded through his hair, his name a soft whisper on your lips as you both grasped for each other’s high.
After cleaning and washing up, you had laid in your his and drifted off to sleep. The concrete had fallen on you in your dreams again, but this time you had been calm. This time, you had known it was going to pass. 
“It was more than okay,” you whispered, leaning closer, feeling his fingers tighten around you in response. 
Shyly, you gave a chaste kiss on his lips.
He returned it with a gentle smile.
Eventually, you both made your way to the kitchen, the usual morning routine feeling new and intimate now. 
He brewed coffee while you prepped breakfast, and though you both moved around in comfortable silence.
Every time you reached for something on the counter, his hand would brush against yours, and every time, he’d give you a playful grin.
After breakfast, he grabbed his jacket and raised an eyebrow. “Want to take a walk?”
The air outside was fresh with the early morning scent of dew on grass. The two of you walked side by side, his fingers brushing against yours with a sweet, hesitant touch, as if he were testing the waters. Finally, he slipped his hand into yours. 
You felt your cheeks warming, but you laced your fingers together without hesitation. 
Wednesday.
You woke up in Bucky’s arms again, and that night, the nightmares didn’t even come for you.
You did your morning routine, opting for a walk a little closer to lunch.
He pulled you into a tiny bookstore nestled into the corner of a quiet street, the cozy little shop bathed in soft, amber light and filled with the scent of dusty old pages. You wandered through the aisles, hands still entwined, occasionally stopping to point out interesting titles or laugh at the oddball covers on some of the paperbacks. 
He picked out a book that you loved, holding it out with an encouraging smile. “This one’s supposed to be great,” he said, the excitement in his voice contagious.
“Oh, really?” you replied, grinning as you took the book and added it to your stack. 
The walk back to your place was even better, both of you lost in soft laughter as he pointed out small things around the neighborhood you’d only noticed noticed now—a tiny coffee shop you’d walked by countless times, a mural tucked behind an old theater.
Back at your apartment, you settled on the couch, sipping water as you thumbed through the pages of your new book. Bucky leaned back beside you, stretching an arm around your shoulders, and you leaned into him without a second thought. 
His fingers traced gentle patterns on your shoulder as you read, and it took everything in you to keep your focus on the words in front of you, though you found yourself glancing over at him every few minutes, catching him watching you with that soft, steady gaze.
“Something on your mind?” you teased, nudging him slightly.
“Yeah,” he replied, his voice soft, sincere. “Just… you.” His words were so earnest that you felt yourself melt, unable to keep from smiling as you leaned in closer, your head resting on his shoulder.
The evening drifted in, you’d both fallen into a comfortable routine of watching a movie after dinner, and tonight was no different. As the movie started, Bucky wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close against him.
Halfway through, he leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. You looked up as he brushed a strand of hair from your face before pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead, then your nose, and finally, your lips. It was a sweet, lingering kiss, slow and filled with an unspoken promise that made your heart ache in the best way.
You settled back against him, resting your head on his chest.
“I could get used to this,” he murmured.
“Me too,” you whispered.
Sunday.
Some nights, in the last couple of days, Bucky would find himself wide awake, sitting in silence on the edge of the bed, watching you sleep. The room was steeped in darkness, but there was just enough moonlight to illuminate the soft rise and fall of your chest.
The sight of you in gentle slumber, after all those weeks of struggling with the nightmares, should have reassured him, should have brought him comfort. But instead, it made his heart ache with a strange longing. 
Regret.
He sat there, hunched forward. Often, his hands clasped tightly together. His mind would wander, as it usually did in these quiet hours.
It drifted to the way he’d been with you before. Cold. Guarded. Pushing you away, convincing himself that he was doing the right thing by keeping his distance. 
He’d been so convinced you’d be better off without him, that he was doing you a favor by holding back, by shutting you out whenever you got too close.
But now… now you were giving him a second chance without even knowing it.
He wondered, night after night, if he was good enough for you now.
He couldn’t quite shake the fear that he was still falling short. That, one day, you’d remember everything, and this fragile happiness he’d found would shatter.
Part of him wanted to tell you, to open up, to confess everything about the person he’d been. The part of him that wanted you to know the truth, even if it hurt, even if it meant risking what he had with you now. But every time he got close to imagining what that conversation might look like, he’d stop himself. He would imagine your face filled with hurt, with betrayal.
Could he be the person you thought he was without telling you the truth about who he’d been?
-to be continued...
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tiredsmashbros · 2 days ago
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DO YOU ENJOY THE GREAT GATBSY TSB
guys help this blue man in a box keeps yapping to me about this silly movie and musical called the great gatsby what do i do /j
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NAH FR THO TY FOR GETTING ME INTO THE GREAT GATSBY BLUE THIS HAS NOW BEEN LISTED AS MY FAV MOVIE AND I AM SLOWLY GETTING INTO THE FIXATION INTO THE MUSICAL GUH ITS SO GOOD PLEASE GO HAVE A LISTEN GUYS !!!
also btw blue is gonna be so surprised by the smg3 drawing i've only had the sketch but now decided to color it bc why now :3c
ALSO !!!! THIS IMAGE IS INSPIRED BY BLUEBOX'S OWN GREAT GATSBY SMG4 MUSICAL AU !!!! PLEASE GO CHECK IT OUT IF YOU HAVEN'T !!!!!!!!! https://www.tumblr.com/bluesbox/759605946711506944/i-would-like-to-add-my-hat-into-the-ring-with-smg4
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also i cant for the life of me find the og psd file of this but thankfully i took a screenshot of this silly doodle i made bc blue and i watched the great gatsby togther and we.... made a tsb au out it HELP I LOVE THE GREAT GATSBY SO MUCH JAY MY BELOVEDDDD
also very random butt AS I WAS JUST ABOUT THIS POST THIS DAWKO SIGNED MY PRINT AND I NEED TO SHOW IT OFF OH MY GOD I AM SO HAPPY HELP AND RIGHT AS HE WAS RUNNING OUT HOLY SHIT I WAS ONE OF THE LAST ONES OH MY GOD I DONT HAVE TO WAIT FOR LONG YIPPEEEEEEE
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ty my beloved british rat 💛
i have been waiting 2 years for this reprint you guys have no idea how actually happy i am to get my chance back at this poster again
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velvetvexations · 3 days ago
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this is venting i'm just. aedjhfdalkjdhklajhdlkjh fucking youtuber drama bit me bit me bit me & it's related to the Tumblr Discourse Hell
there's a trans woman who has youtube videos and my primary association with her up to this point has been "brilliant." incredibly smart person. she's been accused of SA by three other much larger youtubers and the way i found out about it was because she released a video where she just categorically denied the allegations and read "Hot Allostatic Load" about a trans woman who was predator-jacketed in portland and how dangerous it is to accuse trans women of SA. and this was. immediately suspicious to me in a way i felt nasty about because it is dangerous and trans women are unfairly treated as predators for innocuous actions but it was like. the same type of "marginalized people are incapable of harm/facing consequences for doing harm bc too dangerous" thing that has been. so so toxic here. so she says that they're false and she has MOUNTAINS of evidence but she's being evicted and will deal with this/make a real public response in her own time. i don't even know what's alleged, just that something is and her only response is "I am a trans woman, you can't accuse me." so i'm like. this is weird and i'm just gonna avoid it until something is more clear. like even knowing what the allegations are for example bc the only place to see them is a locked patreon post.
so she releases this other video that's just a long stream of her talking and it's a lot more of the same & she uses the phrase "crying rape" and threatens to release the full complete discord logs of all her conversations with all of the people involved and still does not name any of the accusations and says it's because they're just trying to destroy her career. and now the victims release a link to the google doc statement about her because of the videos and it's just damning. like she proved several of their points by continuing the same behavior in her response to the allegations. very missing missing reasons. like i watched her thing first with no exposure to any statements by the victims and when she was like "we were So Much Closer than [victim] would admit to ANYONE," i'm like. maybe she didn't "admit" it because she did not feel intimate with you and you wouldn't accept it. your defense sounds like a consistent boundary issue to me, and ope i go look and that is exactly what [victim] said.
and it's like. i hate everything about this and i hate that my initial suspicions were correct and i hate that this is now A Thing like instead of hearing a trans woman say "i've been falsely/unfairly accused due to systemic biases, please interact with this situation with a greater degree of care," i have to be like. fucking suspicious!
i am sorry to essentially notify you that bad things are happening elsewhere in the world it's just. fuck! why is this spreading! why is this a thing now!
Timely, these past few days TRFs have especially gotten a bug up their ass about the few times I've said transbian separatism has a slight chance of going the way it went the last time that was attempted.
Should you tread lightly when trans women are accused of something? Yes, absolutely. Trans women ARE portrayed as predators in a cruel and malicious way on a regular basis. Be careful. Be patient. Verify to the best of your ability what's happening.
But, speaking as a trans woman who was harassed for years as a result of being groomed by an adult from an early age and was pedojacketed just a couple months ago with threats to get me blacklisted from publishing:
EVERYONE has the capacity to do harm
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moonlitbirdie · 24 hours ago
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Hi Birdee,
Your post from the other day about your checkup really moved me - and bilateral salpingectomy is something that has been on my mind, particularly with 🍊 being elected now. Plus from my research it seems like it may reduce/prevent chances of getting certain cancers, which makes it a win-win ( it runs in our family).
I totally get if this is much too personal for you, so please don’t feel like you should respond to this - but I’m curious about how your experience was, re: pain levels and the process itself. Initially I was going to DM you to ask, but then I realized that there probably are a lot of other afab!folks who may be considering it due to, hence me submitted this asn. Would you recommend the procedure?
Xoxo
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Hi hello friend!! god i love that shot of Joel so much. I'm totally not distracted at all.
Forgive me for taking a few days to get back to you, husband had his wisdom teeth removed yesterday and I wanted to be able to give this a good answer in case it was helpful to anyone else. Fingers crossed that is the last surgery either of us have for a LONG TIME. 😭
Anyways!
I figured I'd just go through the whole process for anyone curious.
cw under cut: description of medical procedures/surgery/blood mentions
I met with my gynecologist in September to talk about options. I had a copper IUD for about 10 years and my husband had about three weeks after they overturned Roe v. Wade, but I wanted something more permanent for myself. There was still a minuscule chance that I could get pregnant and there is, unfortunately, always the chance of SA. I live in Louisiana where abortion is illegal with very, very few exceptions, and I don't really want my life being decided by some emergency room doctor in the Bible Belt, so sterilization it is!
It was surprisingly easy to get it scheduled, but my gynecologist was very willing and cooperative with the whole request. I got it all set up for the day after my birthday, which husband and I laughed about because he got his vasectomy on his birthday. Weird way to celebrate, yk?
At my pre-op appointment I signed a bunch of paperwork and she did a quick pelvic exam--I don't think this is generally part of it, but my GP's office had not sent over the results from my last pap, so she wanted to make sure everything was normal for her own peace of mind. Nothing like getting a speculum shoved inside of you with your husband sitting next to you.
Anyways, she also explained the difference between a tubal ligation and a bilateral salpingectomy. Essentially, a tubal ligation blocks or cuts your fallopian tubes, while a bilateral salpingectomy removes them completely. The tubal ligation is sometimes reversible, while the bilateral salpingectomy is not. She also mentioned, like you said, removing the fallopian tubes dramatically decreases the risk of ovarian cancer because most ovarian cancer originates in the fallopian tubes.
The only surgery I'd ever had before was, incidentally, wisdom teeth removal, and that was almost 20 years ago so I was pretty nervous the day of the procedure. Her office is in a hospital so it was done in their OR. I got there at 8 am, already starving and grumpy because I couldn't take my medication or eat or drink anything after midnight and I ate dinner the night before at 6 pm so. Grr.
They took me back at about 8:30 to start surgery prep, made me pee in a cup, drew some blood, all that stuff. My veins actually ended up rebelling when they went to put in an IV, and they had to call in their "vein expert," a very lovely tattoo-covered man named David who took one look at my arm and said "Ah, this'll be easy. She's got great veins." He poked me once and found the vein immediately, much to the (light-hearted) irritation of the other nurses. Apparently, I was just very dehydrated and it was causing problems.
I don't remember much of anything after this because they immediately gave me drugs that made me loopy and then put me under general anesthesia, but it was a laparoscopic procedure. She made three incisions--one on each side of my abdomen and one through my bellybutton, so I have three little scars. Took about an hour, and I woke up in the recovery room.
I was home before noon.
It was a little rough for a few days after, but I think I got off pretty easy. I did have some pain in my abdomen and couldn't walk around much without getting worn out. It felt like I'd done some really intense crunches and I couldn't sleep on my tummy for about a week. I also had a few absolutely wild mood swings. I didn't have any bleeding after the first day.
I still have my ovaries and my uterus, I still get a period, all that's still like it was before.
Overall I think it was as good an experience as it could be. My only complication was that my IUD, which she was removing at the same time, broke apart and now there's just an IUD arm in me, but that is mostly unrelated to this. Apparently this is common when the IUDs have been inside for a long time and she can do a procedure to take it out, too.
WHEW this is long. All of this is to say is if you're wanting a permanent form of birth control and you can afford it (mine was mostly covered by insurance), I would recommend it. Especially with the current state of things. Protecting ourselves is so important.
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papercranesandpride · 1 day ago
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You know how we all agree that it's annoying and a problem just how much people throw around "aros can still date" and "aces can still have sex" because the implication is "don't worry, aro and ace people can still be normal and comply to societal norms about what is good?" You know how even though it is true and is a thing that individual aro and ace people should know, we also try not to say it too much because the allos take that, run wild with it, and use it as a chance to ignore our identities? You know how generally we're all pretty damn sick of those phrases?
Cool, so why is every other post I'm seeing right now about how you don't have to have sex, like sex, or be horny to be an alloaro? Like yeah. Obviously you don't. But as someone who does have unromantic sex a lot, for whom sexual attraction and desire and practice is a massive part of my life, it sure isn't great to know that my own community, the one group that out of everyone should be praising unromantic sex and standing up for it, is falling over themselves to make sure all the allos know that actually, being aroallo doesn't mean you have to be like me. I would think aroallos of all people would know better than to overemphasize that we don't all have sex. You know exactly how easily that gets turned into "oh good, being allosexual aromantic doesn't mean you're a sinning slut."
I sure am seeing a lot of emphasis put on how important it is that no one assume that aroallos are hypersexual or have high libido. And yes, don't make assumptions about any identity, but I don't like how much you all are willing to distance yourselves from people like me. I've seen it said much often that assuming alloaros are more sexual negative stereotype. It's a stereotype, yes, but it's only negative if you think having a lot of sex is a bad thing. Yeah, sure, being aroallo doesn't inherently make you more sexual than anyone else, but for me? I'm also aplatonic. Sexual attraction is all I have. Yes, I am more sexual than most people, and I don't appreciate being written off as a stereotype that people should ignore. That is some of our experiences as well.
Yes, you as an individual aromantic allosexual do not need to have sex. Please don't if you don't want to. But please also consider why it's so important that people don't think all alloaros are having casual sex. Please think about why it's such a big problem if allos assume you have a high sex drive. Why, exactly, is it such a problem if people do assume being alloaro means you're promiscuous? Let's look at those assumptions and unpack them.
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katyspersonal · 2 days ago
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OP, I am very impressed with how keen your understanding of both the way Soulsborne stories work (especially the phrase "And not choosing to get what you want can be as bad as choosing opposite.") and of the way fandom is fucking shit up on regular basis. Dark Souls trilogy fandom is the most safe from this cancer, Bloodborne is quite deep into this trouble by now (with only fans of very messed up characters such as Alfred or Micolash doing the service to the community xd) and Elden Ring is ALL about this.
"This leads to something like Marika fans writing essays on the topic You Can In Fact Deserve Genocide"
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This reminded me of a very annoying situation from a couple of months ago where my friend wrote very based post ( x ) about how fandom treats Hornsent as this evil race that is evil just to be evil thus painting Marika as a hero "cleansing" the world from this "filth". And what happened was EXACTLY what you've mentioned! The first reblogger jumped in to not only excuse genocide of Hornsent but also add excusing genocide of Fire Giants for the good measure, the popular artist jumped in to confirm all of that was based when they didn't even read the original post, and then they both continued to gloat in their blog about how ridiculous this "Marika hate" was.
Marika HATE, dude. How. Literally how this fandom always, always, ALWAYS keeps drawing the connection of 'pointing out bad shit character did = hating the character'? Before DLC, the similar problem happened with Mohg! Whoever painted him as sexual offender was viewed as just hater by his fans. Also before DLC, whoever pointed out pettiness of Malenia or Miquella's sinister traits (Bewitching Branch) was seen as just hater. It only got worse after the DLC too! These are just interpretations and analyses! ....And yet, at the same time, there ARE people who hate Marika, hate Miquella and Malenia, and hated sa!Mohg interpretation. And they hate not only the characters, but also their fans. As if these fans just subscribed to condoning any of that shit in real life.
I just think that this endless morality contest is so dumb. Like...
"Oh if you like Godrick/Rykard/Post-DLC Miquella / Seluvis then you’re moral pervert/ lover of Dark."
Like, where are the DOWNsides? xD /j
And seriously, what is the goddamn POINT of engaging with fiction, where any person and any dynamic can be examined within the safety of fantasy, if ALL you're gonna do with this is to just express how you would act in real world? There is a much, MUCH better place to apply opinions and morality as you would in real world. ....IT IS THE REAL WORLD! 🤦‍♂️ Go outside and form correct opinions, and only like good people. This IS what real world is FOR! Fictional world is for doing ANYTHING, and yet you choose to just re-simulate what you already have!!! How little imagination, curiousity, wonder and passion do you have? What is WRONG with you, people!
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Really. Elden Ring fandom's creativity and imagination suffers very badly from the fact that when someone simps for a morally grey character or is just a huge fan, 90% chance that they will wash out all that moral greyness from them and make sure they're pure, innocent, and always in the right. Who cares if the story has to become so one-dimensional and pointless as 'race is evil just to be evil and exterminating them is net-positive for the world', right, Marika and Messmer fans? And when you can't distort the story this way, you can always just declare writers to be incompetent and ruining the character and insist on """pre-DLC portrayal""" as if it was an entirely different character, right, Miquella and Malenia fans?
All could have been way more fun, interesting, deep, developed, and above all, respectful to OTHER fans, had we as a fandom just abandoned the mentality of 'if you like a character that did something bad then YOU are bad, so nullify this bad thing at all cost if you want to prove you are NOT bad'.
I think we really should understand that engaging with fiction is NOT about translating and advertising ourselves as people! No, as PRODUCTS!! Purge that stupid corporative brainrot out of your system with Messmer's Flame!!! Engaging with fiction is about experiment, imagination, curiosity, creativity and extending emotions and wishes without any harm to real people! Well, we should ALSO understand that the more war crimes the character did the hotter they are because again, we ALREADY have real world to target liking the kind, nice people so what is the point of doing the SAME shit here fsdfhds But I digress
Ok about moral greyness in elden ring fandom
I feel like it’s mostly treated as either some kind of badass cosmetics for a GoodGuy (like “my blorbo is cool and good and kind but you know they kill people - bad people, so it’s not bad but it’s not also your Jesus guy which is normal bc who would give their second cheek”) or some kind of euphemism used by bad/problematic/pseudo intellectual people to erase morality
I’m bad problematic pseudo intellectual person so take my opinion with grain of salt, but I think it’s a great misunderstanding or what a morally grey character is in ER especially
It’s usually based on the that understanding of goodness that to be good you just need to do good things and don’t do bad things (which is of course extremely vague and not defined but anyways). It’s seems pretty straightforward and because of that brings a lot of confusion
It’s quite easy for a character to be GoodGood (even with murders but I digress), you can see it in many fix-it fanworks where often every trouble finds its own, well, fixing, and there’s always a way to set things right, maybe just with some sad deaths along the way, but characters often will find this correct way because in these universes there’s always at least one
(It’s not a rant on fanfiction I like it and I like fix-its very VERY much)
And when same logic is applied to the game itself, often arises treatment of characters as GoodGood, MisleadedGood and BadBad ones
But in the stories we see in Elden Ring context is usually such that when a character wants to get something, even something good, like for example make people live forever or cure their own sister, there’s sometimes no way of resolving their trouble without facing some kind of moral choice, even if you’re a literal half-god. You either get what you want with a price, or don’t get it… also with a price. Because fromsoftware stories are build on conflict, tragedy and irony
That’s what makes character grey, the fact there’s no third option or that you don’t have third option just because world is that way and you’re unlucky. And not choosing to get what you want can be as bad as choosing opposite. And that’s what usually makes situation complex and twisted and inherently grey
I don’t want to say that like every person in fandom should treat all the characters as mostly good ones without making some way less sympathetic than others. Making characters twisted and horrible is fun! I’m just tired of the way how people 1) don’t realise there’s often HUGE room for interpretation and make it problem of others 2) hate characters with such a passion as they were real humans who live in your neighbourhood on planet earth 2024 3) sanitise characters into strictly Good and Bad ones etc etc etc
My whole vent on Miquella’s hatebase is in fact divided into two parts, one being me thinking many people just lack understanding of the DLC/base game ideas and plot, but that’s ok we all have different opinions (I’m just the only one who is correct. LIVE WITH THAT.), and second being that vague ??rudeness?? and hatred which accompanies division on Morally Good and Morally Bad, because there’s this subtle idea like. Oh if you like Godrick/Rykard/Post-DLC Miquella / Seluvis then you’re moral pervert/ lover of Dark. Which is rarely true and really annoys me
I also have no trouble with GoodGood characters being GoodGood because, well. it’s comforting and cozy stuff. But often it turns into token of moral superiority, like look I love GoodGood guy because I’m good too and also not stupid. This is also annoying and I wish we had less of this in fandom.
It’s often also a lie to oneself, because even if we approach elden ring from I Can Simp Only Morally Pure ones (which is very boring and butchers the whole thing in my opinion) then we would probably be left with only Boc, Hewg and maybe Roderika. What do you mean you want to simp LITERAL murderers?? What do you mean you want to simp those assholes demigods who think that people are just dolls for their games, who turned the land into land of the dead because they just couldn’t stop war after war after war to decide who will make new order? What do you mean you want to simp the demigod who quit the war to do literally nothing to stop it???? CRINGE
Also GoodGood character headcanon making without self-awareness often results in very weird moral twists of its own, because in this logic character is allowed to make only GoodGood decisions, therefore all the stuff character made in canon MUST be good and morally justified. This leads to something like Marika fans writing essays on the topic You Can In Fact Deserve Genocide
Enough for today have a good day fellow dlc lovers 💪
Upd posted this on main by accident got jumpscared it’s so hard to copy past on mobile for some reason. No edgy on main I promised!!
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final-girlfriend · 4 months ago
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thinking a lot abt everything tsv says about the power of oppressive systems in making us complicit in them
we see repeatedly in the show that there is no way to be a moral person in a violent oppressive society. whether you want to or not you will be made a part of causing harm to someone else and benefiting off their suffering. even if you aren't intending to do harm, you still rely on things like electricity, food, housing, employment, all of which are powered through human sacrifice and built off the suffering of other people.
faulkner and val had the most dramatic and on-screen negative impact on other people, but all of the main characters have a body count. even when they aren't setting out to hurt other people, they still end up causing harm that they can't escape from.
even if our protags attempt to change their ways now, carpenter still sacrificed all those people for the parish. faulkner still set off the wither mark in glottage. paige still benefited from her company doing mass layoff sacrifices. hayward still hunted down innocent people as a cop. val still killed thousands of people in horrible ways for the peninsula. shrue still hunted down the parish and participated in an oppressive government.
they all did awful things, either bc they felt like they had to in order to get by, or bc it was expected of them. they're all complicit. and they aren't necessarily unique in that fact. how are these characters any different from the average person, who works for an exploitative company that expects them to either make other people into sacrifices or become one themselves? who uses electricity powered by sacrifice, who lives in a house with bodies in the cement, who rides on a train where the steward has been sainted?
val and faulkner can't become better people, because being a good person isn't something that can exist within this setting. there is no such thing as a person who doesn't hurt others here. they've been robbed of even the possibility of change.
in a society like this, every single act of yours somehow benefits off of the exploitation and suffering of other people. there is no reform that can be made that will change this fact, no way to reduce the harm that you cause. the only option to escape this is through something like shrue's final speech advocating for destroying the entire system or paige's ultimate decision to scrap everything and start completely anew
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ch1zzie · 8 months ago
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The original in the bottom
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Plus the picture I mainly drew but decided to draw the rest for funny
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#thats not my neighbor#milk man#just tried to draw something in my mind to post along with saying some updates#monday the people are gonna give my grandma the keys to the house! while i have to stay at my aunts place for wifi for school#(online school)#my moms gonna be moving things out of storage into the house! AAAA I CANT WAIT#also little welcome home update#im not sure if i said here? wait nevermind i just remembered while typing (it was that i got barnaby and the pins) AAA silly me#also im making a little julie out of clay (if i wake up and their messed up i am NOT redoing that😭)#the legs are a little messed up because julie was gonna be the size of an hatsune miku figure on accident so i chose to shorten her a bit#only because im not sure if im gonna make the others too AND because theres no way hes gonna be THAT tall😭#also! im making easter art#yes its barnaby and wally again just for fun! but a few changes like keeping their regular outfits because i cant think of anything else!!!#why not the ones in the old easter drawing? welllll a follower said that wallys outfit looked a bit familiar to another not so good thing#it wasnt on purpose just an accident because i hadn't notice BUT im glad i know now so i can be more careful!#im not sureeee if im gonna finish the easter art OR the julie clay thingy but I'd love too! and honestly HOPE to#high chance i will (well maybe the easter art could be late or not)#maaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA trying to think if theres anything else but cant! ill try posting this hoping my wifi wont hate me...#also i know i said this account was for welcome home posting but i didnt have any cool welcome homey things to put here gahhhhh#ehehehhe once i get my new room and its allllll just me#imma post like crazy (wellll that IS the plan so i hope)#even if its little dumb posts#by the way this post was gonna say on top “i know i said this account is for welcome home posting but TAKE THIS FOR LITTLE UPDATES”#just removed it because i dunnooooo just didded#hehe didded
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cluescorner · 2 months ago
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Long Post about Savage Opress because I am Normal
Savage Opress, you are everything.
You are at your strongest when you are fighting to protect the people you love. You had to participate in a battle royale and subjected yourself to a fate worse than death in order to protect your brother. You were forced to kill the brother you fought so hard to protect, your last words to him as he begged for his life were 'You make (me) weak'.
You are Frankenstein's monster, a kinslayer. You just have to live with that. Your mistress isn't giving you a choice in the matter.
You were placed under the control of a cruel master/mistress twice in the span of like a week. You were forced to betray your master and (under your mistress's orders) you killed two jedi, making you an enemy of the two most powerful entities in the galaxy. You made these enemies against your own will. You were lightning spammed and abused to the point that you were able to break free of your mistress's control.
You are then attacked by these two random jedi you have never met. They seem intent on bringing you in. They stand besides each other and fight to protect each other. You are reminded of how you did the same for your own brother. You killed that brother.
You run to the only home you've ever known, the same home that treated you as lesser-than and transformed you into what you are now. Your home is destroyed, all of your sisters are dead. You are upset by this. They were the cause of your suffering, but they were still kin.
You are told that you have a remaining brother, one who can make you strong enough to protect yourself. You decide to travel across the galaxy to find him. You killed your last brother, you will do anything for this one.
You seem to create trouble everywhere you are now. You are now incapable of solving problems without violence, so violence is what you become. You become hatred. You had love once, but everything that you loved is dead. Except for your remaining brother. You do whatever you must to find him.
You find your brother. Your brother is delirious and half-dead, but he is your brother and you found him. You can fix this. Your brother sees you too, or at least he sometimes does. You are a reflection of him, of what he was meant to be. You are strong and powerful. Your brother is not anymore, but he will be soon.
Your mother, the same woman who took you and warped you into a monster (that is what everybody calls you now), fixes your brother. Your brother grabs your face and twists it, painfully examining your every pore. You don't begrudge him this. You have done the same to it. Your face isn't yours, but it is the only face you have.
Your brother screams for vengeance against Kenobi, he must have revenge. You must stand by your brother, he is all that is left. You embark on a quest of vengeance against a man you only briefly met.
You become everything your brother needs you to be. You are his protector, his sword, his second-in-command. You have love again and you will do anything to keep it this time.
Your brother is a terrible person. Your brother will massacre a village for the sake of getting Kenobi's attention. Your living brother is nothing like the one you killed. You aren't sure this is a good thing.
Your brother lures Kenobi to the village and you both capture him. Your mistress shows up and immediately sets about belittling you. You are the monster she and your mother created. You are not her thrall anymore, you can fight her now. You do exactly that.
Your mistress and Kenobi retreat, your brother chooses to bide his time. You will wait with him.
Your brother and you infiltrate a ship, finding a fortune of credits. You are happy with this, you have never seen this much money in your life. Your brother's only fortune is the downfall of Kenobi.
Your brother calls you apprentice, decides that is what your relationship is now. You don't see the need for dominance, you are brothers after all. Your brother disagrees and you will subject yourself to this for your brother's sake. You are a reflection of him, of all his past flaws. You are devoted to those you love and able to feel things other than vindictive glee or hatred. Your brother is not anymore, he might never be again.
You think your brother is incapable of love. You love him all the same.
You and your brother next run into Kenobi with another Jedi Master. You do not know her name nor anything about her. You kill her, goring her with your (far larger than they should be) horns and running her through with your lightsaber. Your master is not forcing your hand this time, you can finally choose to make an enemy of the Jedi. You would have been their enemy either way, but the false choice is comforting regardless.
You and your brother corner Kenobi. You think for a moment that you have gotten the upper-hand, then Kenobi cuts your arm off. Your body leaks green magic. Your mother's magic still holds power over you even after everything. You wish it didn't.
Your brother shoves Kenobi away from you and decides to retreat. You aren't sure if this is a sign of affection towards you or if this is a strategic move. Your brother speaks as if it's the latter. You see no reason to believe otherwise.
You manage to escape, but are left adrift in space. You are freezing and slowly running out of oxygen. Your home was warm and full of breatheable air. You are alone with only a brother who calls you 'apprentice' for company. Your home was filled with brothers who called you by your name or by 'brother'. You are alive. Your home and brothers are dead.
You next wake up in an unfamiliar place. You smash all the equipment around you. You are now incapable of solving problems without violence, so violence is what you have become. Your brother informs you that his plans have changed, and now you two will be working with Deathwatch. You have no idea what Deathwatch is or who your brother just made a deal with. You will follow him regardless.
You stand up and hit your head on the lamp above you. You were supposed to be shorter than you are now. Your body is wrong. You look in the mirror and you are not yourself. Your body isn't yours, but it is the only body you have.
Your brother takes over Mandalore. You watch as your brother marches Kenobi into the throne room and prepares to execute the Duchess of this planet.
Kenobi offers sympathy. Kenobi recognizes that your brother never had a choice in joining the dark side. Kenobi had gone to your village and seen what it is like for the nightbrothers. Kenobi, despite everything, is trying to be kind.
You hear your story in Kenobi's words. You never had a choice in any of this. You never stood a chance. Your body isn't yours, your mind has been warped and twisted into serving the goals of another. You only wanted to protect your brother.
Your brother kills the love of Kenobi's life. Your brother has stripped himself and you of any possible chance to take the olive branch Kenobi was extending. You ask if you should kill Kenobi now. You know that stewing in grief and guilt can be a terrible fate. Your brother decides to keep him imprisoned. Your brother is counting on the Kenobi stewing in his grief and guilt. Your brother wants to drag out his suffering for as long as possible.
Your brother is in charge for less than a rotation. Your brother panics and bows before a withered old man, calling him 'master'. Your brother lies and fawns to his master. Your brother's master does not care.
You have never met this man before. You have no reason to fight him. Your brother is terrified of him. Your brother grovels before nobody, but he bows before this man. You don't have to do this.
Your brother needs you. You draw your weapon.
You manage to get a hit in on your brother's master. You are one of very few in the galaxy who can say that. You are at your strongest when you are fighting to protect the people you love.
You are stabbed in both your hearts. Your efforts to protect your brother, your pain and suffering, your love and affection, you, Savage Opress, you don't matter. You didn't know it, but you were fighting the most powerful being in the galaxy.
You never had a choice. You never stood a chance.
You die thinking you were unworthy of your brother. Your brother never said or did anything to make you think otherwise. You die calling yourself apprentice, that is the relationship your brother wanted. Your brother holds your hand as you die, it is trembling. You aren't sure if it is from grief or hatred. You decide it must be the latter. Your brother is only capable of hatred.
You knew your brother was incapable of love. You loved him all the same.
You don't know that you might have been the only thing your brother cared about besides his vengeance. You don't know that when you are unconcious he calls you by your name, he calls you brother. You don't know that he nearly killed the Death Watch soldiers, but stopped when they threatened you. You couldn't know. Your brother never told you.
You don't know that he uses his grief as fuel for his duel with Sidious. You don't know that he switches his ire away from Kenobi and decides that his former master is a more pressing target of his hatred You don't know that he spends the rest of his days trying to find a new apprentice to fill the hole you left and that it never works. You will never know. You are dead.
You died realizing you were nothing like your brother. You never were. Your body shrinks down, you finally look like yourself again. You can't be happy about this. You can't take relief in the fact that all the magic which ruined your life has been dispelled. You can't feel anything. You are dead.
You are right. You are nothing like Darth Maul. Your brother is motivated by hatred, you are motivated by love. Your brother will die having found peace, you died having found nothing but pain and grief and yet more pain.
You are my favorite magical girl and you have suffered so much more than Jesus.
#star wars the clone wars#Savage Opress#darth maul#obi wan kenobi#star wars#the clone wars#hey guys I think I have a new special interest#this is very bad. I have enough.#Savage isn't even my favorite Star Wars character. and I have THIS MUCH TO TALK ABOUT IN ONE POST#He IS my favorite character who doesn't make it out of Clone Wars. He is a CW only character and I am sad about that#When I heard that Maul was supposed to hallucinate him in Twins Suns but it was cut for time...AGONY#I get it but AGONY#But fr Savage is actually the most tragic character to me specifically.#this is obviously a lot of extrapolation from the stuff we're given in canon/my interpretation of it#but Savage is never allowed to emotionally react to things or even think about what's happened to him sooo#and Ventress never really explains how nightsister shit works either soooo idk I'm doing my best here#I haven't even touched on the fact that the transformation seems to have fucked with his intellect as well#his body isn't his and neither is his fucking mind. oh my god this man#he is a disability metaphor to me <3#you'd think I'm in love with this man the way I talk about him but I'm literally not into him at all I'm a fucking lesbian#I just think he's neat and also really sad and also jfc WHY AREN'T MORE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT THIS MAN????#I will also never be over Obi-Wan trying to empathize with Maul as Maul is about to kill Satine. He is so fucking cool actually#And I will never not yell at the screen about how Savage would have been a good Jedi but he never got the FUCKING CHANCE#I'll stop now
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front-facing-pokemon · 1 year ago
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#solrock#now *this* is the fucker that the one raid battle NPC had in swsh that everyone hated. including me. he served only to remove lives#fuckin mashing the rock polish button the whole time or whatever it was. doing Nothing Else. i feel like a lot of people who usually did#raids offline had that fucker's name and face memorized. cuz they'd see that they got him and just give up right then and there#at a certain point i feel like offline raids were just not very viable. the NPCs they'd give you to battle with were just so bad#and some of the higher star raids you really needed the extra firepower you just couldn't get from those NPCs#but also they kinda removed a lot of the incentive for joining other people's raids considering your catch chance was lowered by like 9000%#if you weren't the host of the raid. and if you were the host the percentage chance was so high it was basically guaranteed#i don't think i ever ONCE caught a pokémon successfully when i'd joined someone else's raid. and i don't think i ever once failed to catch a#pokémon when i was the host of the raid. it's just. i dunno! i stopped doing raids at a certain point. some people can get a pokémon game#and play it long long after the main story bc they get invested in raids and shit but i just lose interest at a certain point unfortunately#as much as i enjoy the game while i'm initially playing through it#hff. anyway. i'm queueing this up the morning of june 30th‚ aka the day of my first flight in 10 years. so. this won't post until mid july#and i'll have been back for a while by then but for right now‚ me writing these tags‚ i am very Anxious#saur. haha. y'know how it is. have solrock
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benzgarfield · 1 month ago
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Pit Babe First Season Final Q Wrap - November 12, 2023
bbenzalert, bankpun.np, topten.ss, ping.orbnithi, michaelkvs, ppoohkt IG stories
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pparkerized · 1 year ago
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you're telling me they're making this harry. this fella, this silly little guy into a villain??
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stardestroyer81 · 10 months ago
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Happy 2024, everybody! To ring in the new year, I'd like to share my final art piece of 2023 with you, drawn just yesterday in about four and a half hours... the long-awaited first look at Star Tower, an arcade-focused AU of Pizza Tower first mentioned in the post I'd made showcasing The Fruitins!
I've made a lot of sprite art for Star Tower, so expect to see it roll out at a gradual pace going into 2024! ⭐👾✨
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since-times-long-forgotten · 3 months ago
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does anyone get unreasonably aggravated when they see someone calling a normal split-faced tortie as a chimera? like it literally couldn’t matter less, but it matters to ME, so I feel an overwhelming need to explain how no, that is NOT a chimera, that is a normal tortie, cat genetics just do that sometimes during x-inactivation because of bilateral symmetry. yippee!
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buttercup-barf · 6 months ago
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Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.
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Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.
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That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.
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The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.
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Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.
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Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.
#team fortress 2#tf2#that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it#while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble-#-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍#backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft-#-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team.#cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the-#-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends!#backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever-#-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture-#-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under.#cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he-#-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got-#-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory.#backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people-#-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being-#-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao#cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn-#-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent-#-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret.#i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady-#-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way#it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about-#-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly#OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)
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