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lookingforhappy · 4 months ago

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Hi! I just wanted to say I really like your blog and the ideas you have for TUA. I have a question if you don't mind? If you've read the comics (I just got to read You Look Like Death and....my head hurt alot after) is there anything you wished they had kept from the comics for the show or vice versa? Personally I wish they had kept Luther and Five being twins in the show. I get why they chose not to do so but come on.

Five doesn't get his dog and then he also doesn't get his biological brother? I love the Pub scene from season 2 and it would have fit really well for them to learn it (just my opinion)

Thank you and I hope you have a lovely day! :)

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy my ideas!! I love asks lmao so no problem at all!

I have read the mainline comics and a few spin offs (the Diego & Vanya band AU one comes to mind??) but I'm a show main sadly. I like the comics as an informant to the show, so generally I prefer how the show depicted things.

I do want to briefly (edit: it was not brief... i am so sorry) talk about the Five DNA thing because that's one of the things I love in the show.

in the comics Five is genetically altered by the commission

this only works in the comics for me because every character is an asshole, Five especially (he literally prefaces this moment by bragging that he's fucked a lot of women). So for Five to have this excuse? to show horror at the very idea? that's a redeeming quality.

but in the show, they make every character likeable to an extent (recall that in the comics Allison rumours Luther into loving her), so this wouldn't have the same impact because it just makes Five less of his own person - removes the agency from his actions.

Five in the show is someone forced into a corner, and his actions in accepting and carrying out his job as an assassin, as well as his willingness to kill innocents and his own brother throughout s1 show how his experiences have made him desperate and ruthless in his pursuit of love and happiness.

it's a psychological exploration/study.

which to me, is infinitely more interesting. Five doesn't kill the board because his DNA dictates he will, he kills them because he chooses to. He is not cruel because his DNA dictates it, he is cruel because his experiences have made him that way.

and I think overall, this approach is adapted very nicely to fit the tone of the show, as all the same beats are hit. Five has been made into the Commission's killing machine against his will, and he is resentful of it,

but that doesn't mean he can undo the damage done, his psyche is forever attuned to this line of thinking no matter how much he hates it he doesn't know how to break the cycle of violence inflicted on him,

but because Five hasn't been genetically altered, he is fully responsible for his actions and he has to live with that.

the DNA altering in the show would feel like a cop out to me. and also the interesting aspect from the DNA altering is that he is essentially made into a psychopath (most famous serial killers are - Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Jeffery Dahmer, etc.), which means removing his empathy.

because despite his dislike of the non-consenual genetic surgery, comics!five doesn't have empathy.

and show!Five is interesting because he has so much empathy, yet he remains a killer. he is never given the opportunity to use that for good.

without that empathy we wouldn't get scenes like this where he admits guilt,

and in all honesty, isn't it more interesting that the best and most prolific killer in the show possesses a large amount of empathy?

idk sorry I got sidetracked - I've seen a lot of people who say they prefer the DNA plot of the comics and I just feel like it's very contradictory to what a lot of people love about Five.

anyway, the only element of the DNA plotline that i'd want to see adapted further is the non-consenual surgery itself

largely because I love Five!whump and despite comics!Five claiming it was painless it's fairly obvious to see that it wasn't (and I love when this is expanded on in fics so much - no time, no time, dear brother o' mine is an amazing read because it deals with this)

but I also think it would do a good job at reinstating the commission as the villians they are rather than the weird, nebulous thing it currently sits as (Five would never entrust Herb or Dot to the Commission it's so ooc and it's canon??? Dot and Herb were both 100% in support of the commission's ethos, even if Herb was a bit shit at his job. Dot literally was in charge of the apocalypse and saw Five arrive & at no point thought that this was fucked actually).

plus, we already know they waited until Five was hopeless, alcoholic potentially passively suicidal, weak both physically and mentally, desperate. all likely to better control him.

what's to say they didn't also pick up him just in time to prevent his death? 45 years in a polluted wasteland can't be good on the body - and I don't about the general population, but most of the people I know in their 50s aren't fully grey. the stress was probably killing him all on its own.

they could have seen his death and gone back a few years/months/days to recruit him. but then that would mean they still have to fix whatever illness was killing him, and how do you do that? surgery.

perhaps that's how they recuit all of their agents. maybe that's how they get away with it not disturbing the timeline, take someone who was going to die anyway, and then force them into a debt of gratitude for saving their lives. idk.

I also think AJ was criminally underused. He's supposed to be the big bad of the commission, his character was originally adapted into the Handler but then they decided they wanted his design in the show or something.

I think his role in the comics is much more interesting, as a person who selected Five from a line up of assassins already in the commission and gave Five personal training, and assigned him to the JFK case,

I think he could have been adapted a lot better than he was, and like the surgery, he could have steered the commission back towards the villains they were always supposed to be - instead of The Handler (as amazing as Kate Walsh is to watch on screen I love her) we could have had AJ manipulating Five throughout s2.

as for Five & Luther, I don't mind them not being twins, because honestly their genetics are so different (Aidan is 20 something and he's probably going to stay at 5'5" while Tom is like 6'5", plus hair colour, skin tone, bone structure etc.) and we already know that they weren't planning on making them twins from the pilot script (Five is born a singleton to a polish teenager I believe).

I do think it would have been fun to repurpose this plotpoint for another pair. of the Umbrella's I actually think Five and Viktor pair quite well as they both have similar heights, hair colour, they both have that square jaw too. but I also think that this could have been an interesting way to give depth to the sparrows - Jayme and Alphonso could have been the twins.

Pennycrumb was... a let down? I don't think he should have been a big part of Five's character, but I also don't think he should have had 0 affect on it either.

otherwise??? honestly Hotel Oblivion was wayyy more interesting in the comics than in the show. I would have preferred something more in line with the comics but I think they were afraid of the classic horror elements and the classic superhero elements.

like the faceless bus boy guards

the hotel rooms, seemingly ordinary, being prison cells

the prisoners having enough freedom to move around the hotel and have relationships with each other but not enough to feel safe hanging around the hotel

i just.. i wish more of this had been incorporated into the show.

also.. art deco buildings.. my beloveds

this could have been the hotel Oblivion..

like ik they planned to go to japan to film s3 and that got fucked over by covid but like.. art deco is such a good aesthetic for a horror setting compared to the japanese style hotel we got (i've heard it called hotel orientalism as well so, theres that too).

if I had been in charge I would have had s3 focus on the mothers, develop their stories & why the umbrellas were given up for adoption & then linked this all to the 43 being the 16 instead. have the reveal be not that theyre dead but missing, non existant. because the children were taken by hargreeves to power Oblivion. if we somehow keep the kugelblitz then we use that as a distraction as to where and why all the sparrows keep going missing, and eventually the umbrella's numbers start to dwindle. until Oblivion is discovered and we find that every hotel room corresponds to a member of the 43 - maybe even have the brellies/sparrows numbers correspond to their door numbers somehow, or floor level.

idk I'm not a good writer but thats a bit of how i feel about the comics being adapted into the show..

sorry idk if i even answered your question? thank you again for the lovely ask!

#tua #the umbrella academy #ask

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squiddy-god · 5 months ago

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Task force T4T

Simon "ghost" Riley

hehehe giggling and kicking my legs thinking of this <3 anyway this is t4t ghost hcs so both ghost and reader are ftm trans men! I don't care if fem aligned people read or interact but please remember that this isn't for you this is for trans men. I'd also like to say I've never read the comics so my knowledge on that is a little limited (if someone who has read the comics wants to educate me I have questions!)

Tw: tooth rotting fluff, NSFW undercut, masc! Reader, ftm ghost and reader, mentions and descriptions of dysphoria/trama, very self indulgent, allusions to ghosts backstory, period talk, pre bottom surgery reader and Simon.

Hnggggg where do I even start

“Task force t4t”- Simons favorite joke (he's not funny)

There are a few ways y'all could meet honestly

My favorite two being these :

1) You meet at a pub, Johnny is bragging and playfully asking Simon why he doesn't get any

Simon gives him the look™ and soap makes it his mission to get his best bud a date- or at least some ass

So Johnny scans the bar and is pointing out various people, all of which Simon is… reluctant to Comment on

He's not had a good experience with life in general, much less with relationships

But then Johnny has to go and point to you, And Simon stares.

You're a bloody handsome man, you look nervous, like you were dragged out here to this pub. You seem to like layers, black long sleeves with a worn out slipknot T-shirt over top, gloves tucked into your pocket and nails painted black. black eyeliner and the feint growth of a thin patchy mustache and chin stubble.

You've got a few pins, most he thinks are band pins, but one catches his eyes a little blue pink and white flag

He turns around on the bar stool and mutters while he takes a swig of his Bourbon.

He can't stop thinking about you for the next few days, hell he goes on a mission and is out drinking after a week.

Then he sees you again, dressed similar to the first night he saw you.

Your sitting on a bar stool chatting with your friends, they walk off to get a booth while you call over the bartender and order.

He can believe he's really gonna shoot his shot. Johnny would be laughing his stupid Scottish head off.

Your startled when this huge man sits next to you, you aren't nessesarily small by any means but it's not hard to be smaller then Simon when he's 6’4 and beefed up.

He doesn't look at you, eyes dead forward and half glazed over while he fumbles in his head to think of something to say.

He doesn't wanna scare you off, hard to do when the skull balaclava and hood aren't doing him Any good.

“I like your pin mate” he says, voice deep and gruff. Really all he could muster without makeing a fool out of himself. Your eyes scan him, gears in your head turning in realisation. “Thanks- cool mask ya got on there” silence settles but it's not as awkward as Simon would think. “I don't suppose your uh-” you dance around the subject, terrified of being wrong, of offending this bear of a man who could absolutely beat you bloddy. Simon laughs “that's right lovie” his voice is warm like a campfire with a tone like honey. Makes you melt. “‘spose you'd let me Buy you a drink?” You ask turning to face him. “only if I can buy you one too” you chuckle an call the bar tender over, ordering something fruity but not too sweet, he gets Bourbon. “Oh ho a good ‘ole boy are ya?” He chuckles “the best”

Your friends come back over and are so shocked to see you absolutely smitten with this man.

Eventually the night passes with you and Simon chatting, eventually exchanging numbers and heading out.

Meeting number two! Is soap to the rescue tbh

You work at a little coffee shop, soap comes in and orders the same 4 drinks any time he's in. Only place near base (or in general) that has a blend of black tea Simon likes. Johnny is chatty at the counter while he waits, it's never bussy when he comes in- He talks about his friend Simon a lot,

Reminds you of a mother trying to talk up her son 💀

Eventually he suggests you go on a date with his buddy, and he suggests to Simon that he go on a date with the cute lad at the Coffey shop.

You try to tell him that it probably won't work out- asking if his mate would be ok with the hole you being trans thing and Johnny gets the biggest grin, patting your shoulder “aye thats the best part laddie! yer both in the same boat”

So you agree, and Simon agrees. Johnny is just happy his L.T is shooting his shot!

Anyway! regardless of how you meet Simon is nervous but a great boyfriend!

Trans! Simon who where's the mask when he's feeling Dysphoric whitch is often

He wakes up and doesn't see himself, the PTSD definitely isn't helping but some days the mask helps a lot

Always helps you through your dysphoria, holds you close and assures you that you're a real boy, reminds you that if you're asking “am I fakeing it?” You aren't.

He has the worst periods smh, horrible cramps, heavy flow and they always seem to last so long.

Has deadass threatened to throw a tampon at soap. Soap did NOT think that was funny

He always knows what pads/tampons to get, and once your cycles sync up he's done for, he is irritable and just wants to come home and cuddle you 😤

Rubs your back when cramps get too bad

Absolutely melts into a big puddle when you rub his shoulders when he's back home.

Has beaten up transphobes and will continue to do so<3 his favorite activity tbh

Works out at home and oh boy is it a ✨sight✨ his top surgery scars are pretty prominent. They come up under where his (now) peck is and they are a bit on the jaged side

Tossing around the idea of Simon who got either a cool jaged outline over his scars to highlight then, or got smth like barbed wire over them.

He's proud of his top surgery scars, they're the only scars that HE chose, that he wanted.

If you still bind he gets you a skull print binder (the dork)

Matching packers so you both feel less dysphoria!

Simon “nothing more romantic then helping your s/o take their T-shot” riley. He takes his every morning and if you're comfortable he helps you take yours, especially if you get freaked out by the needles

Simon is hairall over but complains that the Testosterone goes mostly to his ass

Que hilarious ass smack

✨trama bonding✨ Simon has crawled his way out of hell (almost literally) so it feels nice to know that he can confide in you and really have you understand this aspect of him. In a way it makes it easier to open up about the other things he's experienced

Simon “my dick is huge”/ “my dick is bigger than yours” riley

His idea of real romance is letting you shave down his hair before each deployment.

If you ever feel Dysphoric and want your hair GONE he shaves your head for you, and lest you shave his head so you match

His pronouns are he/him obviously but he also sometimes uses it/it's when he's feeling like it

Big star Wars nerd, builds legos but really likes miniatures in general. Will spend hours on making those 3 wooden puzzle things.

NSFW //

It takes a while for Simon to be comfortable with sex, he has a lot of issues to work through, and a lot of insecuritys

He doesn't like his body too much, especially not from the waist down, so he can't imagine you like it either

But once he realize that yes, you love his body, that he's safe, that your safe?

He's a horn dog good Lord he needs a cold shower

Loves giving you head- Simon riley is a munch send tweet

Can't decide between eating you out like he's trying to drink you or sucking your T-dick like his life depends on it- so he does both

Oh you accidentally had your binder on to long? Your breasts are tender? He can help- he swears he can make it better lovie just let him massage your boobs so they don't hurt!

Simon riley is a switch who prefers to top because he likes the control it let's him have and makes him more comfortable

He can be rough but most of the time he's just so sweet and intimate, I wouldn't nessesarily call it gentle, but its definitely not rough

Strap game is on point so have fun getting that back blown out (or blowing his back out)

Simon “sweetheart come here, I wanna play with your dick” riley, honestly he's obsessed with it. Playing with your pussy and T-dick while he watches the footie

Wet dream/fantasys about bottom surgery, he wants a dick, always has, but the thought of being able to really fuck you on HIS dick? Have you choke on his actual cock and not some silicon junk?

Someone muzzle him fr

Speaking of muzzling him- he can and WILL leave the WORST hickeys on you everywhere

Looks like you lost a fight to a gang of industrial vacuum cleaners, like dawg calm down nobody is trying to take you away-

Deep deep dark purple with a bit of reddish yellowing around it.

And boy you are absolutely covered in them. Looks like you where on the receiving end of a paintball firing squad.

#cod x reader #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #ghost x reader #ghost cod #cod mw2 #cod #cod smut #ghost smut #simon riley smut #mw2 x reader

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sweetcarrotsandroses97 · 1 year ago

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Before You Go | MYG

Pairing: producer! best friend! yoongi x best friend! fem! reader

Summary: Life is taken for granted. People like to kill time not knowing it is time who is killing them. Love is not always a medicine, fate is always cruel. Or in which Yoongi realised his mistakes too late and was sentenced to live with an empty soul. There are times in which you can't always be there. He knew he was too late.

Warnings: ANGST, so much angst guys, medical terms, terminal sickness, argument, fainting, character death, more angst, feelings of guilt and desperation. (Let me know if I missed anything!)

A/N: Soooo, this was originally planned to be a drabble but it escalated so, hehe here it is! Also, I'm still working on the next part of Four Seasons. It'll be a long chapter so please bear with me.

Please let me know what you thought of this in the comments! I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one.

Word Count: 5.1k

"Three months at the most."

Said the doctor. You looked at him. No emotion marked your beautiful features. You blinked. A second passed. Then another and another. The world continued on its normal course while your sentence was already dictated. It almost seemed comical.

"There is, of course, a surgery we could perform on your brain. But I'm afraid it will only allow you to live for a year, year and a half if we are lucky. But it'd be dangerous. Even performing a biopsy is risky in your condition, Miss Lee."

You took a deep breath, your hand clutched your purse as it rested in your lap. The tickling of the clock was driving you insane, you wanted to leave your doctor's office, you wanted to run, to scream, to cry but your body was frozen in place.

A soft smile plastered on your face, the only reaction you could fathom at the moment.

"Thank you, Doctor Kim. I'll... I'll think about it."

He stood up, towering over you as he said with a nod. His hand extended to shake yours.

"Please, do so. Come in a few weeks if you start having headaches."

You nodded, shaking his hand as you also stood up.

"I will. Have a good day, Doctor Kim."

Your hand left his and you turned around to leave. Your feet carrying you out of the room that suddenly felt too small. You only wanted to go back to your flat and curl on your bed.

In a monotonous way you paid for the appointment at the reception of the hospital. Your eyes didn't focus on anything in particular while also noticing everything at the same time.

You walked slowly through the busy streets, the evening sun kissing your skin. The steps you took were automatic, you allowed your legs to take you home while in your mind there was only space for the doctor's words.

"Three months at the most."

That phrase repeated itself over and over again in your head. How you wished to just be home right now however, you decided to not take a cab, you wanted to enjoy the walk. Admire nature as you pass by the park and feel the sun in your skin.

Rarely did you ever pay attention to all those little things. Details that gave colour to your life. Details you were never able to forget. Not until it would happen and you'd leave this place. But you still had some time. Three months was too much.

Or that was what you thought.

~ 73 days later.

"You are hiding something from me!"

Yoongi exclaimed. Your heart clenched at the words coming out of your best friend's mouth. It hurt. It hurt to not tell him. For you to leave him in the dark. For him to think you weren't being honest with him.

You both had been friends for so long you couldn't count the days any longer.

"I'm not! Don't you trust me? We've been friends for so long, Yoongi!"

He sighed, wetting his lips as he tried to form words with his muddy thoughts swirling all over his head. He wasn't stupid. You'd been acting weird as of lately. You often gave him excuses of why you didn't want to leave your flat and when you both would go out he'd notice things.

He'd always notice when something was bothering you, when you were in pain, when too many thoughts were going on through your head. He knew you. Probably better than he knew himself.

All those little suspicions, the strange headaches you'd have only for later to vanish into thin air. The way you looked paler than usual, how you were overly tired.

He had noticed.

Yoongi would be a fool to not acknowledge the signs happening in front of his eyes. Yet his mind couldn't get a conclusion. Instead he was blinded by worry over you. Worry expressed as anger. As desperation. As frustration.

"It is you who is not trusting me, (y/n)! I know something's going on. And I will figure it out whether you like it or not."

"I do trust you."

Your voice sounded so hurt and small with those four words whispered out. Tears clouded your vision but you didn't fight back the moisture in your eyes. You kept looking at him in desperation.

Couldn't he just let it pass?

Apparently not. Yoongi was a stubborn man. If he wanted something, he got it. One way or another. But how would you tell him you were dying? How would you tell your best friend you didn't have much time to live? He had planned on taking you on vacation together after he had signed a good contract with a singer.

He promised to treat you to ice cream next Sunday. You promised that you'd be with him forever. You had been with him forever. In everything he had ever accomplished you had been there. You had been there to dry his tears and smile with him. to celebrate his victories and advise him during hard times.

You had always been there. Always by his side. Always in his life.

Did you have the right to take that away from him?

You were a coward. Yes. You knew that yourself. A part of you didn't want to acknowledge the fact that you were dying. And it hurt so much when Yoongi couldn't see further than his own assumptions. He didn't see you as someone he could trust anymore. He thought you were hiding something from him. Which, technically, you were.

Never in your life had you ever hidden something from him. That was why it hurt him so much when he realised there was something going on in your life that was taking a toll on you and he didn't know.

Yoongi ran a hand through his dark hair, his gaze softened slightly at the sound of your delicate voice. So vulnerable. So hurt. It wasn't like you to talk like that.

But despite his heart clenching at the sight of your tears, his next words cut you deeper than any knife could ever harm you. Not even the doctor's words three months ago had hurt as much as Yoongi's words.

"It doesn't seem like it. But if you don't want to tell me, fine. Take your secrets to your grave, I don't care."

Take your secrets to your grave.

If only he knew you were already standing above it. If only he had known those words had made your heart shatter in such a way you couldn't even fathom to say something, if only he knew there was more that met his sight.

If only he knew.

You didn't say anything. Silent tears were running down your cheeks. This was it. The tread you feared would ever break. He had broken it when you were already so sick, when your days were numbered. He had broken a friendship of years with a single sentence.

You were to blame too. If you hadn't been so scared, this argument would have never happened. This gap wouldn't exist. You are to blame too. You are at fault too. You ruined his trust, played with his emotions, wasted his time. All for what? So that you could keep a secret that would eventually come out?

But now it was too late.

Yoongi didn't want to hear anything else. You opened your mouth to say something. Anything at all. But the words died in your throat, shot down by his disappointed declaration instead.

"I'm leaving. I need some space to think."

Your hands trembled as they hung next to you limply. You were losing him. Yoongi, who was your closest friend, your best friend. The closest thing you ever had of a family. The man who owned your heart in more ways than he thought.

You lost him.

He wasn't going to intrude where he wasn't welcome. He wasn't going to push you. If you weren't going to trust him, there was no point in him staying in a place he no longer felt welcomed.

Yoongi turned around and left, not allowing you to say a single word. He wished you had stopped him. He wished you had walked over to him and grabbed his wrist, pleading him to listen. For you to tell him whatever was happening that made you hide it.

He wanted to know.

He needed to know.

Because his heart screamed a name he didn't want to recognise. His soul yearned for the touch of a woman he was yet to take into account. His mind was busy with thoughts of you. Memories of you. Plans with you.

But he didn't know what it meant. He didn't know what he so deeply desired. Needed. So he left.

Yoongi left you to yourself, your front door shut and you were alone. Alone for good. Left behind. Abandoned. Everyone has a limit and Yoongi has gotten to that limit.

He said he needed space to think. Space to be on his own. Time to think if your friendship was worthy of keeping or if he had to let it go. Despite the pain his soul would suffer and the wrecked heart he'd have to endure.

Sometimes it's better to just let go.

But he didn't know what he was letting go. He didn't know anything. Yoongi left without answers and you stayed with a broken heart.

It's been a week since that argument. There had been no calls or texts from Yoongi. And you weren't going to get in contact first either. He wanted space, you'd give him that. He wanted time, you'd give him what you had left.

You sat in front of your desk, soft rain pattered over the glass. It was calming. Soothing in a way. A pen rested in your hand as words were being scribbled down on a sheet of paper addressed to him. To Yoongi.

You were giving him all the time you had for him to come back. But just in case you ran out of it, you wanted to explain everything to him. He deserved to know. You realised that now. He had deserved to know since the very beginning.

But you were scared. You had been selfish. You chose to live in a fantasy when reality clawed its way through you, tearing you apart in your little safe world that you wish would come true. But wishes never come true. There are no happy endings for liars. There is no mercy to change your fate.

You put the letter on an envelope with Yoongi's name written on the front. It was a letter only for his eyes to read and his mind to comprehend. It was for his mind to keep and his heart to treasure. Only for him. Always for him.

You stood up, the destination of your bedroom in mind as you were feeling tired. It wasn't unusual these days. The naps you took were getting longer and longer. You knew one day you might as well not wake up again.

But fate wasn't that merciful. You took a step, a single step forward only to have a piercing ache in your head that made you hiss. You shut your eyes, trying to get it to pass but it didn't work. If only it only got stronger with each passing second.

Your hands clasped at your scalp, fingers pulling your hair in a desperate need of relief.

The realisation hit you stronger than a train. You needed help. And you needed it fast. You stumbled towards the coffee table, the only goal in your mind was to get your phone and call for help. Something was wrong. Very wrong. You knew it. You felt it. You couldn't ignore it anymore.

With a shaking hang you reached for your phone, you didn't even bother to unlock it as you pressed the emergency call button. It rang and rang and rang, the pain continued to increase, your vision blurred.

You prayed to the skies that the person on the other line would answer. It was your only chance. The last straw to life you clawed at desperately. But it rang again and again and again and you couldn't help thinking that perhaps this was it.

Yoongi came back from the bathroom in his studio, he had been working on some new beats he wanted to try out in the near future. He had been keeping himself busy with work so as to not think about the fight he had with you a week ago.

A part of him wished you'd call him or text him but he knew you too well. If he had asked for space you were going to give him that. This was probably the worst fight you two had ever had throughout your years of friendship

He sat back down in front of the large computer screen, putting on his headphones. Yoongi continued with his work.

It wasn't until out of the corner of his eyes he saw the phone's screen lighten up. He didn't have to look at it to know someone was calling him. He sighed, taking the headphones off and saving the file with his music before he blindly picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

But there was silence. No-one answered back and for a moment, Yoongi thought it was one of those scam calls he always blocked. But before he could hang up, his name reached his ear in your whispered voice.

"Yoongi..."

He knew something was wrong the moment the first syllable reached him. He frowned, leaning forward in his chair as he tried to listen to your voice.

"(y/n)? What's wrong? Are you alright?"

The fight he had with you vanished from his thoughts as they were clouded with worry for you. He was getting scared, never in your life had you called him in such a state that it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up with nerves.

You whimpered, pressing the phone close to your ear. The pain in your head was getting stronger and stronger that you couldn't speak.

"(y/n)?"

Your best friend's voice came from the other side of the phone, if you hadn't been so blinded by the white pain pressing on your skull you would have noticed the concern in his deep voice.

"(y/n), you are scaring me, what's going on?"

Yoongi stood up from his chair, grabbing his car keys in a hurry.

"H-help me."

When you dialled your emergency contact you didn't remember you had saved Yoongi's number there.

Those two words were enough to have him bolting out of the door. The destination of your place carved in his mind as he left the building.

He kept his phone pressed to his ear as he ran through the studio. His heart was beating so fast in his chest he thought it would leave his body. Adrenaline pumped in his veins. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

The fact itself scared him, because that something had to do with you. He felt as if the building was larger than normal. Like in those nightmares as he tried to reach the exit but it got further and further away. This had to be a nightmare, right?

He heard your gasp through the phone unaware of the fact that you had fallen to your knees in your apartment, your other hand clutching your head in a vice grip.

"(y/n/n) talk to me. I need you to say something. Please."

Yoongi reached the door and pulled on the handle with more force than was needed. He stepped outside, inhaling the humid air as the soft drizzle tapped against his form.

"I'm sorry."

He yanked the car door open and got inside, one hand was on the steering wheel while the other still held his phone against the side of his face.

"It's alright, (y/n). I'm on my way, okay? Just hold on, I'll be there in a second."

But you didn't hear those words from him. There was a ringing in your ears that took hold of your senses, the phone slipped from your grasp as you fell to the ground over the soft carpet with a dry sound. You closed your eyes, allowing the pain to take you in its claws of darkness as you surrendered yourself to it.

You had been fighting for so long. A little nap wouldn't harm you. You slipped into unconsciousness with the last thought in your mind being: Yoongi.

The man who you were previously speaking to fell into a frenzy when he heard the sound of the phone colliding with your carpeted floor. The hand on the wheel tightened to the point where his knuckles turned white.

"Darling, answer me please! Say something."

But he could only hear your laboured breaths from the other line. He ended the call and threw his phone on the passenger's seat. A curse leaving his lips. If the circumstances had been different, he would have blushed when the nickname escaped his lips but he couldn't fight it in a moment like this. He couldn't help the fear, the anxiety, the stress, the guilt from controlling his mind.

From making him act the way he was. He pressed on the gas and accelerated into the street. Not caring if he got a ticket for the speed limit, not caring if he drenched the bypassers with his car, not caring for anything else other than getting to you.

Tears of desperation began forming in his dark eyes but he blinked them back. It was not the time to cry. Not now. Not when you needed him. Not when you were in danger. Not when you had called him to help you. Not when his heart yearned to have you, feel you, touch you.

Not now.

Yoongi arrived at your flat in record time. With his heart thumping in his chest and his hands trembling, he stepped out of the car. He didn't even bother to lock it behind him as he was already running up the stairs that led to your apartment.

He used his spare key, one he was immensely grateful you had given him. Not bothering to knock or to take his shoes off he barged into the place like a desperate man. He was a desperate man.

Desperate to see you fine, to find you healthy, for you to be alright.

But his world came crumbling down like a paper plane when he saw you laying over the grey carpet, your phone by your side. You weren't moving.

For a moment he couldn't move. The patterning of the rain against the window drowned him in an ocean of tears he was keeping inside his soul. The quietness of your flat wasn't normal, you were always humming to yourself, playing some music. Doing something.

But as he saw you laying there, limp and cold, Yoongi's heart shattered into a million pieces.

He was brought out of his trance by some miracle, he found himself at your side the next second. His hands wouldn't stop shaking as he pulled your shoulder to lay you flat against the floor.

"(y/n)?"

But you didn't react. It almost seemed as if you were sleeping. The rise and fall from your chest was the only indication to Yoongi that you had only fainted. The circumstances as to why were still unknown to him.

His hand cradled your cheek, trying to get a reaction out of you. Something. Anything at all. But you were long gone in the world of darkness.

In a mere second, he was able to recall your call with him. You sounded in pain. Hurt. There was something that had led to your current state. Something that needed medical attention.

His hands slipped under your body and he stood up; an arm beneath your shoulders and the other supporting the back of your knees. Yoongi walked towards his car in long and hurried steps. His heart was beating wildly in his chest. His stomach churned with nerves.

If you hadn't called him, how much time would have passed until someone eventually found you? He couldn't think of that possibility. He decided to focus on the now, on the fact that he had you in his arms, that he had found you, that you were going to be okay. You had to be. For his sanity.

The soft rain wasn't enough to drench you or him as he made his way towards his parked car. With as much care as he could muster and with some tricky manoeuvre he managed to sit you in the passenger's seat and strap you to it.

Your head lulled to the side and his hand, once more, found home against the side of your face. In any other situation Yoongi would have thought that you were merely sleeping. To a point you were.

Have you always been this beautiful?

He thought to himself before he shook himself out of those thoughts and walked around the car, getting into the driver's seat and speeding off to the hospital.

One hand was on the steering wheel while the other one clasped yours tightly. It was a way to ground himself. To ground his thoughts and remember that you were there, that you'd be fine. That you were with him.

If someone had asked Yoongi before today when he had been the most patient he'd have answered when he had to download one of his large files.

But now, now as he sat in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for news about you was the time when his patience got tested.

How he wished to just enter into the room where the doctor was checking you. He needed to know what was going on. What had happened to you.

He needed to know that everything was going to be fine.

In his desperation, he called one of his friends, Hoseok and explained the situation with a lump forming at the back of his throat.

"She'll be fine, Yoongi. She's a tough girl. I'm sure it's nothing serious but I'll be there in thirty minutes in case you need anything."

That was what Hoseok had said over the line. He had met you on a few occasions, more than a few to be honest. The sweet man came to know that you were a beautiful woman with a kind heart and he respected too much the friendship Yoongi had with you.

"Is anyone here for Lee (y/n)?"

A doctor said with a clipboard in his hands. Yoongi immediately got up. His legs carrying him to the man dressed in a white coat, his eyes were red with unshed tears.

"I brought her here. Please, is she alright?"

The doctor let out a sigh that made alarm bells ring in his head.

"You better come with me."

Yoongi swallowed yet the lump in his throat only got bigger and bigger with each passing second, with each step he took behind the doctor. He stopped in front of a door, presumably your room before he spoke, his tone professional with a hint of sorrow for the broken man in front of him.

"(y/n)'s condition worsened too much in the last week. I'm surprised how quickly it deteriorated. The tumour in her brain got to the amygdala, that was what caused her immense pain resulting in her to lose consciousness."

The tumour in her brain...

...what?

"What... what do you mean with "the tumour in her brain"? She... Is she-"

So many thoughts were racing through his mind too quickly he began to feel nauseous. You were sick? All this time you had been sick? Is this what you had been hiding? The doctor sighed yet again as he spoke once more, his voice sombre this time.

"I believe she never told you."

Yoongi shook his head. Too in shock to utter a word. He felt as if someone had stabbed him in the heart. He'd bet that a stab wound would hurt less than this. The sole thought of losing you was heartbreaking enough but he couldn't help but feel like shit when the argument he had on your flat repeated itself in his mind over and over and over again.

Like a broken record player.

In a mocking manner.

With sadistic intentions.

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way, Mr. Min."

A tear rolled down Yoongi's cheek slowly.

"Will she be alright?"

The world might as well end now because the younger man couldn't fathom the idea of existing. Not after the doctor's next words.

"I'm sorry. She was never a candidate for surgery, we detected the tumour too late. She isn't conscious right now but you might as well go in. I don't think she'd be able to hold on for much longer."

He hadn't expected that. He was supposed to be told you hadn't been taking your meals or you were dehydrated to the point in which you fainted. You weren't supposed to be dying. And what was worse was that he had never known.

For how long have you known of your condition?

Why did you hide it from him?

Why didn't you let him support you?

Yoongi entered your room without another word leaving his lip. He nearly collapsed at the sight of you. Pale and weak lying in a hospital bed. An IV tube was attached to your hand. Your eyes were closed.

He sat on the chair next to your bed. His trembling hands reached out for your smaller one. Why wouldn't his hands stop shaking?

"Why didn't you tell me, (y/n)?"

Those whispered words were meant for your ears only but they never reached you. You couldn't react to his stimuli even if you wanted to. your limp hand in his made tears cloud his vision and this time, he didn't hold them back.

"This was it, wasn't it? This was what you were hiding from me, right?"

He wished you'd just move, he wished you would open your eyes and gaze at him like all those times before. He wished he could hear your voice. At least one last time.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry for shouting at you that day. Y-you didn't deserve that."

If he could turn back time he'd make everything different.

"Please, (y/n/n). Please open your eyes."

If only he had been more observant.

"You cannot leave me now. Not now. Not like this."

If only he hadn't been so selfish and distanced himself from you.

"I cannot live without you, (y/n)."

If only he had been there.

"Please."

If only he had been a better friend. The best friend you deserved. The best friend you needed.

"Please don't leave me."

If only he had said the words when you could hear them. If only he hadn't taken your time for granted.

"I beg you, darling. Please don't go. Please."

Hoseok ran through the halls, the number of the room you were at was engraved in his mind for he knew Yoongi was by your side. His hand grabbed the door handle and he twisted it.

What Hoseok saw after opening that door was never going to leave his memories. A sight for his eyes to never forget.

Yoongi was grasping your hand so tightly his knuckles were white. His eyes were red and puffy as tears leaked from his dark orbs, like endless rivers of absolute and utter pain. The sound of his sobs reached Hoseok's ears. A flat line in the background.

"S-she's... she's gone. She's g-gone, Hobi."

Hoseok could only watch in horror. Never in his life had he seen Min Yoongi look so broken. So empty. Never had he cried in such a way. The sight was painful enough that tears made their way to his own eyes.

Yoongi's sobs were like poisonous arrows dripping with the blood of his wounded heart. An irreparable wound. Shattered pieces of his very own soul.

Hoseok took slow steps toward his friend until he was able to rest a hand over his shoulder.

"She didn't suffer, Yoongi. You were by her side, you allowed her to go in peace."

But those words did little to console him. He couldn't stop thinking about the "what if's". He couldn't stop the blame to gnaw at his already broken heart.

"I-I never told her, Hobi. I was a coward and I... I never fucking told her."

Hoseok's heart clenched at the pain laced in his friend's words. His pale hand grabbed yours with more strength, if that was even possible. As if he could prevent you from leaving him when you were already gone.

"I never told her that I loved her!"

Hi Yoongs, I hope you are alright.

How's life going on for you?

If you are reading this letter it probably means I am no longer with you and I'm so sorry that I had to leave you behind but as you may already know, I had no choice.

This was what I had been hiding from you. I am sick. Terminal apparently. There's nothing to be done and I don't want any kind of painful treatment. I decided to let go and enjoy what I had of time.

Please don't blame yourself. I chose not to tell you so that I could experience my life as it was. Normally and by your side.

I may not be there physically but know that I live through your memories. Please don't give up on your dreams because of me and go and do all the things you talked to me about. Fulfil our wishes. Be happy.

I wish you the best.

Thank you for being my best friend. And it is probably the worst way of saying this but I want you to know that I love you. I love you in that way. As in more than a friend. You were the best person that ever crossed paths with me, I didn't want to ruin that friendship.

I now realise that was probably a mistake. I loved you deeply. With all my heart and being. That was why telling you about my condition was more painful than it should have been. Because just as your happiness is my happiness; your pain is also my pain.

I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want you to say things out of pity. I didn't want that. I wanted to leave in the most normal way I possibly could.

Please know that I love you and I wish you the best in life. I won't be your friend all your life, let alone your lover. I won't live that long. But I will treasure your friendship and love you all my life.

I am part of your life but you are my whole life.

~(y/n).

July/30/2023

~Masterlist

Likes, Comments and Reblogs are really appreciated!!!

**☕Caffeinate me so I can keep on writing! ☕

#yoongi x reader #min yoongi #sweetcarrotsandroses97 #min yoongi x y/n #min yoongi x reader #bts fanfic #yoongi #yoongi x reader angst #best friend yoongi #min yoongi x reader angst #love #bts fic #yoongi oneshot #bts #bts angst #bts suga #suga bts #min yoongi x you

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wilcze-kudly · 2 months ago

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Hey, it’s the same anon about Amon from the other day. I appreciate your long post, def agree with a lot of what you said. I actually do like Amon’s storyline in that it’s not about the politics but rather his Severe Daddy Issues. Yakone attempted to control Republic City as a gang leader, then abused his sons and inspired them to take up his project through alternate channels: politics for Tarrlok, a revolution/coup for Noatak. Ultimately book 1 for me is about their issues from their repressive childhood and their struggle to attain power in adulthood (which obviously is similar to Korra’s story as we follow her empowering herself/asserting her place in RC). Tarrlok killing them both (and Amon accepting it) is them ending this abusive cycle. I don’t think it has to be any more political than that — the politics fall flat bc it’s actually a highly individual story.

You're very right, Amon Anon (Amonon? 🤔)

I'll actually note that Amon and Tarrlok are quite unique as villains due to how character driven their storylines are, a habit that I liked but then ended up fizzling out. Neither Unalaq nor the Red Lotus have this individual based aspect to them, even if they do have their momenta. Kuvira is... all over the place, and she's also cheating by having a comic and being an awkwardly placed prop for Korra's arc.

I think that perhaps due to the other three villain storylines not having much meat on their bones, Amon gets grouped in there too, even though he doesn't deserve it.

I think your point about Amon, Tarrlok and Korra being connected by the theme of coming into your own and establish themselves after their shitty childhoods is very astute. All three of them have been under a lot of pressure to excel and fulfil the legacies left to them.

And all are trying to asert themselves in society. Hell, Tarrlok even calls that similarity out.

Tarrlok: Isn't that what you came here to do? Intimidate me into releasing your friends. See, that's what I admire about you, Korra. Your willingness to go to extremes in order to get what you want. It is a quality we both share.

Korra: You and I are nothing alike!

Amon and Korra paralel each other by longing for something else and actively defying their elders/superiors, and both escaped to Republic City...

And it is my personal theory that at the end of the book, Korra was, like Tarrlok, considering suicide.

Which, since they both lost their bending, and are weighed down by a legacy they can no longer uphold. They both feel that there is no saving them.

To be honest, Amon and Tarrlok can make great foils for all the members of the Krew.

They could also good foils to Asami too, due to the whole sins of the father concept. And a father who pressures you to fulfil his ideals and gets violent if you don't... etc...

And the similarities between them and Mako and Bolin are so glaring I don't believe they weren't intentional.

This cannot be a coinkidink I refuse to believe it

Now I also wish the writers had come up with Suyin's existence earlier because good god the comparison between the Blood bending bros and the Beifong sisters would be just agonising in a good way

Also pretty sure genetics do not work like that but I think its pretty cool how Amon looks more like Yakone pre plastic surgery, while Tarrlok looks more like Yakone post surgery.

There's gotta be some symbolism there that I cannot be arsed to figure out at the moment it is past my bedtime 😴

Goodnight and god bless have a smiley Zorro bcs we got into some heavy themes.

He's smiling like that bcs he's high on painkillers

#i love the red lotus ro bits but they did not get the storylines they deserved #i love vaatu too *being held at gunpoint by one of my mutuals*#and kuvira and unalaq sure do exist #korra #mako #bolin #asami sato #amon #noatak #tarrlok #yakone #avatar #legend of korra #tlok #the legend of korra #avatar the legend of korra #atlok #lok

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redhoodinternaldialectical · 7 months ago

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I don't know if you're still doing the ask game, but how about 1, 22, and 25? For Jason, and Steph too if you're up for it :D

--Cologona

Because I could still find it: yes! Still doing this ask game :3 Sorry it took so long to answer!

1) Why do you like or dislike this character?

I spent like seventy years attempting to find the post with this meme on it so I could give credit lmao, but I could not for the life of me, so uh, just know that I'm remaking this thing from memory I guess???

Jason is the bee in my bonnet, the rock in my shoe, and I am chewing on him forever and ever - meanwhile I will enjoy pretty much any comic about Steph simply because I love watching her do her thing :3

But to go into more detail I really enjoy Steph's narration style and the way she navigates the world. She feels very refreshingly street level and hopeful. Also as someone who grew up as the only "girl" (trans man but egg) in my martial arts class which was taught by a detective with a very drill sargent/tough-love approach to teaching and got an extra helping of PTSD as a result... watching her struggle, get dismissed bc of her gender, and go on to become a great hero despite Batman and his bullshit feels really fucking good. Def love Batgirl 2009

Jason on the other hand is just so deliciously messy. He's hurt a lot of people, but at the same time his anger is super justified! He's intimately familiar with violence in a way that I think makes him unable to conceptualize trust and gauge what an 'appropriate' response is. There's been several times where he's expressed the idea that serious violence by him against others is just normal and forgivable and not a big deal. There's something so compelling to me about that bc I think he really does see it that way, and it comes from a place of him being extremely used to receiving violence and being expected to forgive and not hold it against them. That wall of text in the meme picture is a tiny fraction of one of my essays on him. He's got so many fascinating layers and I love peeling him apart and putting him back together like a robot performing surgery on a grape.

Sometime after I finish Chained, I really want to write Four and Twenty Blackbirds, which is a fic concept I've had for ages now that puts them together in a lesbian/gay man queer relationship. The premise is that somehow or other Steph comes back to Gotham secretly/early and Jason is the first one to find her and they end up building a weird organized crime/community support organization called The Blackbirds.

Not sure on the timeline. Maybe it'll start before Under the Red Hood? Maybe after a modified Hush plotline?? In any case: Jason offers to preform High Vengeance against Black Mask either for or with her. She does not want him killed! She would feel like that went completely against everything she died for. However, she does want that fucker taken down, and is touched that Jason clearly genuinely cares. Also I'm going to have Jason assume without question that she is fully competent and his equal. Unlike every other vigilante in town, she will never have to prove herself to him. So anyways she tells him that yeah, she wants her revenge, but it's gonna happen her way, and the plot moves on from there, as together they destroy and co-opt Black Mask's organization and establish a territory for themselves :3

22) If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

Unless given a reading suggestion by someone else, I exclusively read JayTim fanfiction, which heavily skews what I look for and see in fic. I'm also pretty damned picky lol I write much more fic than I read these days

Even the most basic, stripped down version of Stephanie's core concepts and background ought to be enough to conclude that she would have very complex feelings about both Jason and Tim and them dating each other. She had a supervillain father and a character arc about learning to value the lives of even her worst enemies. Now her ex is dating a guy who had a henchman father and the same character arc in reverse, a guy who specifically targeted her killer in order to get back at the mentor who bears some responsibility for both her death and his own. They are so uniquely poised to understand each other from across this fascinating chasm, both in terms of approaches to vigilantism and dating Tim. You could not ask for a more fertile storytelling ground, regardless of if you want her to be supportive or not.

So yeah, for Stephanie I like it when she has a personality outside of cheerleading Tim while being vaguely sweet and quirky.

The bar is in Hell here folks, and out of the hundreds of fanfics I've read I've only ever seen it cleared twice. And that's only if we include my own goddamned writing. This goes beyond normal fandom simplification, especially when you factor in that Cass, famously against all killing Cass, gets similarly denuded of all internal motives and qualities in favor of being (sometimes literally) wordlessly supportive for no apparent reason, while in those same fics the male characters get to have opinions and internal viewpoints. JayTim nation, I am praying for us to learn how to write women, truly.

Now on to Jason!

I think of Jason as someone who is intense in every facet of himself. He can be cruel and mistrustful or tender and romantic, but no matter what he is I want him to be a little unhinged with it, a little too deep, a little too incapable of not giving a fuck. I want this man lost in the sauce, whatever that sauce may be.

I dislike him being overly apologetic, which practically translates to me disliking most fics in which he is apologetic at all lol I do think he would come to regret some of his actions, but I tend to think those would be different actions than the ones he's usually depicted apologizing for. For instance, I can absolutely see him apologizing to a victim of the Joker for not killing him when he got the chance, but I don't really think he'd have the framework to consider his fights with Tim to have been all that far out of line.

25) What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Ohhhhhhh boy that was fuckin ages ago??? I'm not honestly sure I remember, though I do know that I read JayTim fanfics before anything else that involved these characters, so it had to have been based on that.

...Gah, I don't even remember how I found this ship lol! I mean I started with Boostle?? Maybe JayTim was in the background somewhere of one of those fics? idk

I suppose my first impressions were that Jason was a Big Mood deeply traumatized and lashing out bc of that, and Stephanie was gir waffles XD random rawr means I love you in dinosaur.

Anyhow, thank you very much for the ask @cologona! As per usual with these things I hope it was a fun read and you have a good day and all that jazz :3

#damian's tomfoolery #jason todd #stephanie brown #jaytim

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piracytheorist · 6 months ago

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So as I mentioned, I got my copy of the Family Portrait stories!

It feels weird to suddenly have to turn the pages the left-to-right way, lol. But I guess it wouldn't work the right-to-left way for a book translated to English.

Opening it there's this cute illustration, as well as the winter-y one on the back, which kinda makes me wonder: why is it bound on the book?? I wished there was a safe way for me to rip it off and hang it on my wall. Anyway, both illustrations are super cute!

And so my collection continues to grow!

I might order the Eyes Only guide soon, I'm just wary of it including spoilers from a few future chapters. So we'll see. In any case, this might be the first time since I was a child collecting Disney's Ducks comics (and I wasn't that meticulous with those, even) that I've made such a collection! Should things keep going well I intend to keep buying the volumes to the end of the story :D

Spoilered thoughts about the stories included in the book below!

The first mission with the Eden kids going camping actually reminded me that I can find the dynamic between Anya and Damian pretty funny, at least from seeing how stubborn Damian gets. The illustration especially of Damian holding Anya's hand with Anya going like "He can be nice for real??" and Damian going like "How dare she manipulate me into feeling bad for her!!" is terrific and the only way I'll ever see this dynamic, thanks. Also really loved the moment of Damian kinda and dismissively admitting to himself he's also scared of the thunderstorm. Also found it really funny how at the end, Loid is described as handsome XD the writer knew her audience!

In the second story I think I lost count how many times I laughed. While with a deep, interesting layer, Yuri is just so entertaining to me. The most normal guy ever, wishing he was an ingredient so his sister could chop him into her dishes along with pieces of the cutting board 🥰

No, but really, I think there was a lot of care in writing Yuri here. His inner monologue is unending and bound to give Anya a headache, though it was quite sudden to hear him refer to her as a bastard and the spawn of Loid's loins 😳 but I liked the darker tone as he "acted" as a cop and took out his frustrations on the actor, picturing him as a potentially-abusive Loid. It ticks at a very interesting dynamic which I very much hope Endo explores at some point :D

(I actually wonder if there will be a moment post-identity reveal (where Yuri also knows about both Loid and Yor) and he makes a really ugly quip at Anya and Loid goes all protective like "Say whatever you want about me, but hurt my daughter again and I won't hesitate, bitch")

While I found Anya's "interrogation" scene funny, I found it a bit repetitive that she used the same technique that she used with the Red Circus guy from the bullet-in-butt date. Small note, but still XD

For the third story I have both praises and criticism... I understand how it was needed for the story, but I don't like it when characters' disabilities are taken away. It would have made for a bit more complicated setting but it would have been a little more respectful to have Alessa unable to see Franky because she had eye surgery for whatever reason aside from being blind before, and she had bandages on and couldn't see. And Franky would feel like he's on borrowed time because he knows from day to day she'll get the bandages off and she'll face him.

Also, making her nineteen instead of sixteen is just on the verge. And because I have met people who are now professional singers... nineteen is way too young to be considered for opera. She could be training, of course, but it's a very long-term investment. There's a reason most opera singers you see in concerts are in their late twenties at the earliest. And I get that she comes from a musical background and she has a talent or whatever, but again. She could have been aged up to mid-twenties and to me it would have made much more sense.

But as for the good parts, I was actually surprised by how convincing Franky was about wanting to deceive her. And when Twilight turned and asked "Are you sure you're okay with this?" I might have felt a chill. I should have given Franky more credit, haha. And the banter between them was nice, with Twilight teetering on thinking of Franky as a friend, and how Franky ended up handling the situation... that was good, I liked it.

I had already read the last story through a fan translation, so I wasn't surprised by anything new there. It was just as fun and wacky as you'd expect it to be. By the way, I liked the point that story drove on, that despite the painter's success and fame, he only had a cheap apartment for himself and donated all his earnings so that future art students could paint without worrying about the cost of their supplies. Very in touch with the whole story's message :)

What struck me as odd was when Loid hugged Anya to keep the pretense of him being a doting father. I was like "He would not fucking do that" cause we know homeboy isn't ready for such proximity, and an actual hug between Anya and Loid has to have a big impact, the times he held her up while she slept or whatever notwithstanding.

But the ending was really sweet, with Twilight feeling a sense of warmth and getting a bit of honesty in his smile. The last illustration by Endo was very fitting!

Overall, it was interesting to hold a book in my hands and read about the characters that way. I think Aya Yajima did a good job capturing the characters, and I'm always happy to read Endo's afterwords, he really seems like a very chill and down-to-earth guy.

#sxf #sxf family portrait

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lazyyogi · 2 years ago

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Time: Magic and Mastery

"Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small." -- Lao Tzu

Potent yet succinct, this seed of wisdom contains an essential key to a life of mastery.

In his seminal comic book masterpiece titled The Invisibles, Grant Morrison speaks of the 5th dimension--a dimension that exists outside of space and time.

(Morrison happens to be an all time favorite author of mine, as well as a formidable philosopher-magician. As an aside, he openly shares how his insight into the 5th dimension came as consequence from his abduction by aliens in Katmandu in 1994.)

What does it mean for a dimension to exist outside of space and time, according to Morrison?

One consequence of a dimension outside of time's flow is that nothing grows there. Growth both implies and requires the dimension of time, of change. And so he concluded that the utility of the 4 dimensions (3 dimensions of space + 1 dimension of time) was to grow things.

As humans, we often feel as though we are victims of time. Life is short, we are mortal, and everything we are is ultimately eroded by time. It's also why we regard important accomplishments as things that will stand the test of time, things that will outlive us.

But the wisdom of Lao Tzu's aphorism is a major tip for how to use the dimension of time to your advantage. If you start now and start small, growing and building over time, incredible feats are possible for you.

It also makes me think of a meme I once saw, which went something like this:

"In time travel stories, whenever people travel back in time, they are always careful because they're worried that small changes can have drastic consequences for the future. But no one lives that way in the present."

To put it simply: small changes in our daily lives add up to big things in the future. Whether that's growing a meditation practice from 5 minutes a day to 1 hour, taking up a new exercise regimen, learning a new skill, or changing the entire direction of your life.

In college, I majored in English with a concentration in creative writing. After I graduated in 2011, I worked in the movie industry for a few years. Now I'm more than halfway through my training in head and neck surgery. How did that happen?

In 2013, I decided to abandon my pursuits in film (that's another story) and re-orient my path toward becoming a doctor. It would be 7 years before I finally had my MD and started residency. I took it all one step at a time. Eventually it added up to where I am now.

I underwent a slow but intimate transformation during the time between when I made that decision and received my diploma. The same goes for my meditation practice and exercise regimen. I started small, grew it daily, and now I have something solid with both.

While sudden and significant life changes can be exciting and dramatic, it is our sustained effort over time that can be relied upon most to endure with us for life. When formidable aims and accomplishments are reduced to their initial components, we realize they are possible even for us. Manipulating and working with the passage of time in this way is its own kind of magic.

And in the end, it is not the objects we accumulate nor is it the experiences we gather that comprise a worthwhile life.

The real manifestation of a good life is a good person.

#spirituality #philosophy #psychology #life #growth #self worth #zen #time #transformation

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stry-someone-to-remember-you · 2 years ago

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Didn't have much for you today. Concept Art!!!

So I thought I'd share a color sheet I did back in early November 2022 when I finally came to a conclusion of Dave's final look.... this isnt the Final Look, but the first sketch of what became his final look.

I made this in November on my phone. I was playing around with character colors then.

Also...

This post is my confirmation....

Dave's name is for the comic.

DEWEY

*Hands shaking*

*Breaths in...*

*Breath Out

BREATH IN!!!

Now...

I have something I've been needing to admit for a while now.

It's not bad....

But...

It's about the story....

It's still coming out 😅😅😅(soon actually)...

Dont worry about that....

So what's up?

I want to make sure I've told you... This Comic is officially ONLY inspired by Henry Stickmin.

This comics been 3 years in the making, along with the novel that I write along side this... and 6 months in, back in 2021 around May, when I literally found out Google docs has a character limit which all my notes and writings by then exceed.... I came to a hard choice. With how hard I've been working on this, do I make it original or keep it fanbased?

It was a long thought. But... after 1 1/2 years going back and forth, over this time I let several people I've known for years look at it. Many who are trusted... and they all without knowing my dilemma gave me the same advice "Make it Inpsired, cause I want to see this published" (talking about the novel and little comic stuff they saw).

By this last summer, around when my surgery and emergency happened I made my decisions after on of the last people asked to see it and told me the exact same words.

After several gave me the advice. I decided, what my gut was telling me six 6months in was this needed to be it's own work. I already was changing so much and... honeslty it's the best decision I made for the comic.

Starting August the comic and the novel have grown immensely (as though a short work break also halted it, it hadn't grown more then several pages since tranferijg from google doc). I already planned on changing the art *hense the few pics I posted with faces not exactly proportional, early concepts from the early days of changes already being made). The comic will be made more manga human style. But that's not to say their wont be an occasional non human entities about.🤪😏😉😉😉

I couldn't thank the people people who all told me to go a different t direction or even all you still supporting me and those who supported me since the start. I HOPE YOU STAY AREPUBD FOR THE COMIC STILL... with this know . I hope it's cool to still post the old art work. And if it's okay with you since this was completely inspired by Henry Stickmin, I still hope to post in the fandom. Comic updates and such.

How will You Know Who People, Places or Things Are?

I'll make changes clear, especially when asked.

I had to make these for copyright reasons, including characters and such. But most should have something about them that makes it clear who they are or were in the original game.

I will say the direction while headed the same way... their are definetly story lines as a original work I didn't plan on or at least wasnt headed towards, or used as some inside joke that was a red herring to make you guys think maybe I was headed a direction to throw people off. But with the changes made even that has become a actual plot and no longer is a joke hint.

But all elements from codes, secret languages, mysteries, and the overall story have remained. They've like everything else just grown from what they were. So have the characters. Some character aspects and personalities may have slightly changed but otherwise their still I hope going to be enjoyable to you guys and you can see who they were inspired by.

Wait CODES (SPILL THE COFFEE!!!😱😱😱 WWWHHHAAAAAAAAATTT!!!)

Yep😉😏😊 Its a secret I've been keeping a long time. You can look back at my oldest posts on the S.T.R.Y page give you a hint if you look far enough of codes being a thing.

How are you using them???

WAIT is this...😶😉😏 Like that

TWINS OREGON MYSTERY Show with a certain evil force Type Deal???

😏😏😏

Ding... ding... ding...

we have a winner. WInner Winner Chicken Diner...! However, the types of codes used may change up so keep a look out. You don't know the lengths I'll go even in the fan art... to hide secrets (mahaha!!!)

Phew you dont know How Nervous I am Admitting this...

I'M SUPER NERVOUS!!!

But hey that's the fun if it.😊😊😊 Right???😅

This post is along time coming.

I've made different ones, but I honestly get so nervous about this. Admiting it's just inspired fandom piece but not a fancomic. One that Hope's to become a novel and thus I had to make changes in order to have no issues with copyrights.

Theirs things that allude to game events. But they dont happen the same more like the idea of the evtns is there but they rent the same events.

Just the idea of something that you can pinpoint, like Oh this is a reference to that experience in game. But it's a completely different tale, different journey with several new characters and characters similar to those you love while being their own. However, if asked I will confirm if a character is fully inspired by a HS Character or are their own entity.

Alot of characters from in game I used aren't often seen characters anyways. But I still dont want to fringe on copyright. Some may have a single name similar. But it's rare. In some characters I kept like an Initial the same. But names came ot have meaning in the story, so I can't promise for how many this remains true as names changed a few times before locking in as they are now.

EX.

I admit Ruperts name I still haven't changed but the rest of his name is changed. It's just I got in the habit of saying Rupi or Rup depending on the character talking and I got to attached to it...if I have to change it maybe I'll go for Ruberto... Or Something that way. But I like rupi especially as Rupi used to be a form of money, the name... in the old story this held some importance.... so it's something that changed while the rest of the character remained. In other words they have human apperances as previously stated and because this was original those who had hair I couldn't give their old hair styles. It was hard but I found stuff I liked for everyone. Oddly enough it worked out cause funny envy RHMs hair I had in mind was a nightmare to draw. I wasnt looking forward to drawing it, but I coukdnt find other ways I liked ti. This allowed me to go a completely new direction. (HE'S still a Red Head)

It's also why I've been so careful with what I post Admiting this has been one of the hardest things for me.

I hope you guys still will still strick around and enjoy what I will bring. It's still a fan work being inspired. It's just the names won't be what you expect. And the world though similar isn't the same.

Will all the favs show:

YES!!!

Yes favorite characters will show, most of the mains have a character of somesort that who they are is greatly inspired by them..

Henry-The character whose this stories Henry Character, DOES HAVE POWERS SIMILAR to the game... Powersare important to the story.... But I did have to make rules and differences so they arent a copy of them..

Because of this, I will have characters that Allude to all the favorites (Also same favorite ships... Copperright is part of this story... just they are the same while they arent... their names arent the same nor are their features but one still has brown hair the other red. And yes they run a "Mysterious Clan" of Thieves that a branch fo the Government called the BATs (Battalion Against Terrorism) goes particularly after.

Sadly,

There are characters who didn't make it in, I intended to have everyone as a fan work earlier. But its a lot of work, then there were the original characters since the "Main Main" character would have different people she'd run into as her story was going on kn the background of the game, and long after... It just even when a fan work didnt make sense to have all characters. My least favorite cut was not having Policeman Panza in it. I really wanted to fit him in... it just didnt work out.

WILL asks still be a thing???

YES!!!! ABSOLUTELY!!!!

How????

Simple, I will still be making short comics on occassion that aren't part of the weekly updated ones. And this is where characters can still have interactions. I'm considering using the simplified more Stickminverse version of the characters, kinda also so the comic never loses its inspirations and where it got its start from.

SO Asks, Anon Magic Fun, all that will still be a a part of it. Just not within the main comic. But maybe some things still will occure in comic we'll see. It's literally up in the air situation.

Do familiar places still show up???

Confidently YES!!!

Bats has alot of meaning like Batsh@t crazy. You chat be just anyone to be in that chain if service. Most civilians dont even know it exists.😏😏😏 why is that???

What are the GOV'T must a new form, their own branch of armed forces. As stated above Battalion Against Terrorism.

But the people who are recruited also, aren't the easiest to work with, often are the ones who'd ahve been sent home. But if they ahve potential often they're recruited for a league that need those who dont have a normal mind of a soldier to go up against the GENTS...

GE TS, I'll explain another time what they stand for. As theres some spoiler territory I dont want to get into.

The Wall, shows in a new prison form (the design I came up with looks like a creepy medieval Boss level prison)😬😬😬😬

It's a name people dont want to evoke I fear of disappearing. Even those who work there arent safe... or gaure teeded sanity. You either disapear or you dont come out the same.

It's called 'The Grave Pits'

It's even nastier then the name may sound. It's not someplace you want to work or be prisoner.

Lastly,

CCC

Exists as, CAC or CATCA. I don't want to say the name fully now. I think I did in a prior post. But if I ddint I want to lime GENTS acronym keep the meaning secret. Otherwise, whoops of I ddi say it in a prior post.😅😅😅

Actually all of these decisions most civilians dont knwo about or believe are TALL Tales.... WHY IS THAT????

You'll have to find out in the story.

(Yes unlike HS world most of these places arent known by the greater populace and most are sworn to secrecy about them. The only widely known somewhat confirmed real is Grave Pits. Only die to the state that Anyone Employee or Prisoner goes in they dont come out!) Theres more going on in its depths if you care to dig.😈😈😈

All the usual sites as described will be seen but obviously dont have the same look and while a similar function dont serve under the same reasoning eaxactly... Just in new ways.

Towns and cities, are another thing that obviously changed and the direction I'm going, I decided to make completely new landscapes. Do we start in a desert town/city with a corrections facility/jail Yes.... but the surroundings even the layout of the Jail is different. Has different functions, etc.

Is there a city with hinted mob activy.

DDOUBLE YES!!!😊😊😊 That I couldn't pass up... But the cities different. It also services a new purpose and focus then in game for the story. It's become something totally different then the site of a museum. Obviously Dewey, as you can tell is originally Dave Panpa and will still be a Sevurity guard. He just doesn't have the same events happen. And while a Museum lime that in the game, will play a small roll. It's not going to be the same purpose it held in the game. Nor the main place of his work. Thus the whole purpose of teh city is completely changed...... and as stated there's a prison like The Wall (*cough* the Wall seems tame in comparison when this place is introduced *cough*😅😙🎶🎶 Had nightmares after writting its first introduction. It wont be the giant of heart when things occure there.)

Like I said everything will show, you can easily see what was inspired by. But in order to be its own work it holds a lot of it own location, sites, stories and such.

It's really exciting. And I do hope everyone stays with me for it.

I've just been so nervous admiting this. I need to finally say it all clearly.

So is ths another blah.... blah.... blue BORING Convolutedly llloooooooooooooooooooooonnnggg Worded Super wordy Post???

😊😅😅😅 LOL, You definetly spotted my bad habit.

<<<Maybe I should thi I of having a moderator to help!!!😅😅😅>>>

BUT Nope,...

I BRING YOU

Timeline UPDATES: PROGRESS AND POSTS TO COME!!!

I will in the next few days post the Valentines art (my hours are still off after taking care of my grandma and being up at graveyard shifts from dusk to dawn in that order with her... So I admit my bearing on time for the next few weeks may be askew and off)....😅😅😅

Once I have that, I'm going to have for the Five main characters a little sneak surprise art that shouldn't take more then two weeks to have all of them out if all goes well.. just like a little teaser reveal of them.

Then within a week or two following that (due to Holidays East and Mothers Day occuring by these times I'm also giving leeway fo three qeeks)

Then I'll post the five main characters profiles, maybe a height chart if I get around to it.

After then. I should be Posting my Henry Stickmin Art from original concepts of characters ect when it was a fan comic exclusively... and/or Comic art periodically at least once a week. Or at least some form of an update.

AM I STILL MAKING HENRY STICKMIN ART??? Yes

I will admit, I'm still making Henry Stickmin art. I still have a few Animatics that have either been in the works or planned for a while. (When you have a song that inspires you... you cant help it... you know what I mean)😊😉 So I'm still Making Henry Stickmin Art. I can promise you that. Some are big projects.

Also dont forget S.T.R.Y wasn't my First Planned HS comic. I still plan to work more on the first comic I had. I just am focused on this one. But have looked at in, as mentioned in a late last year update and I like what I had. I just have more work to do on it.

But this is FAR FRON THE END oF me MAKING HENRY STICKMIN COMICS AND WORK.... So if that's what you want.... My main blog will be the place for it.😊😉💗🤩😍

RELEASE DATE???

I've done a rough estimate. And long as everything goes well I should have some form of the comic out to you by the the next several months. I can't gaurentee if that's 2-or six months. Again I periodically help take care of family members and am currently job hunting. I just know it will be soon.

As shown concept for a later scene was made a while back in rough sketch form and posted a progress in February about it.

That shows how far this is coming.

I am doing something different. I'm treating the comic like a novel, so I plan to long as I get a job soon and have the first ten chapters where I want them see if I can get professional beta readers (and if theres such thing as an editor and beta readers for a web comic). And also I hope to get an editor. If you notice I even when tedious miss mistakes in words and grammar (mostly cause I'm using my janky phone and not my laptop) and am constantly editing thanks to it l, as I'm a perfectionist. I know that can't happen in posted work. So I kinda need that for myself. I know its gunna cost money to hire. And I want to see if there are ones in the industry who would work with a weekly webcomic format.

What are the comic plans???

Currently, the plan I have in place after doing research is going to be to have the first 10 chapters done before the first chapters are posted. Posting three the first day and from then on once a week.

I say I want the first ten done. As the last three years have allowed me to know my schedule and with a job that demanded alot of me prior I have a better feeling of that type of work and what it will take to get this done. This will allow me to stay ahead and not have to many breaks between.

If there are Holidays then I will jump to a fun mini comic episode rather then post a regular post. Cause I think it's nice to have a break fun one. Even if the middle of the story.

The comic will contain a MULTITUDE of arcs. Be warned small details may become important later. (There are small details hidden in my Dave Panpa pic that have not changed in the comic... as are early post tags have some strange wording???)🤪🤪🤪

[Honeslty, good luck deciphering those codes from my old posts. SADLY, I lost my personal notes of a key for them. I've looked high and low on my devices and where I would save them. I seriously, Can't find them anywhere. Honestly, if you crack those codes I did leave let me know. I'm glad it happened since it allowed me to find a new way to save these for the future]

The Story so far is split into what I've been calling when talking about the comic 3 ACTS and when talking Novel 3 BOOKS

SO to say the least it's a big story. But it's worth it. It's a journey and I have fun writting it. It's all planned out just haven't finished writting the whole thing. I have my outline and timeline of events locked in. So dont worry it's a work that knows where its headed. and what needs to happen to get to the end.

Lastly, I should Mention:

The DEEADED PATREON and Tumblr Pay:

WHAT OD I HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH WITH THEM????

Not now, but closer to the comic I have plans.

I've decided for myself since I can't put humor, lightheartedness or fun little stories like the end of some webcomics or even some animes after credits theres usually a simple fun little goofy comic.

I'll be having either a goofy comic or some mini comic based on some even in the story. These will use simplified versions of the characters. But they could appear like full versions. This is so whne I'm dealing with heavier topics, for me I cja find a place to get the edge off. And I feel this will be the incentive I will post there, along with early looks at the art. And some early access.

But otherwise I'm not blocking you guys from enjoying the comic. Because it deals with secrets. I'm not going to post the comic early, I'll give sneak peaks on there. But that's it, they won't give away that weeds codes or anything like that.

I want to make it a fair system.

I only have them started but not set up. I'm in no way obliging anyone to support me on those sites. I just want to qualm worries, and give the promise of what I'll be doing. I may eventually release those fun minuses on here.without the pay. But I can guarentee those will have long times between. And it's not a gaurentee yet. Like I said I'm trying ot work out a system so no one feels there missing out on some fun they can have here.

Are these minisodes the same asks the asks ans other fub???

No that will remain here. The ones that will be in there are purely ones I come up with for each episode. I'm thinking Peanuts stule strip tyle situation. So hey if that's your jam, I'll let you no more when I ahve the structure of these more planed out.

SO THOSE OF YOU WHO HATE MENTIOSN OF IT... Don't worry I'M ONLY MENTION IT TO PROMISE to you that I'm not LOCKING ANYTHING from you guys. So I can be completely clear to you what up. Or why I ahve that up. I'm still learning my need tooz for it. Only thing normal people wont see is something I'll do only for paid. But again you wont miss out on the main fun. As that comic will be me releasing steam and being free and just comedic. Again it doesnt mean that I won't release those eventually to you guys. So you will get all the same content you can enjoy on here as there in a sense... theres absolutely not when I have them ready will there be any obligation to support me by paying to enjoy my content. I've lived litterally with no money to my name even when working, I know how it can be and the struggle. So seriously I dont want to make anyone ever uncomfortable. Which is why I'm making my last note here. To clarify everything to you guys.

I just wanted to tell you more on that situation. The funds would go towards way of living and/or if I manage to get someone to at least help edit of not the comic at least the script and paid beta readers... then it may go toward that. WHILE I hope my job when I get a new one will better cover living expenses... AGAIN THIS IS NOT SOMETHING THAT IS OPEN YET. ITS STILL BEING WORKED ON.. Dont worry...

ABSOLUTELY NO PRESSURE to pay... IM MAKING this last part of trh post... TO MAKE THAT ABSOLUTLY CLEAR. I DONT WNAT ANYONE EVER PRESSURED INTO ANYTHING!!!

~~~~~

With that always hard to talk about later topic lut of the way...😅😅😅😅

I do really hope you enjoy it.

And I hope those of you on either blog stay with me for it. And continue to enjoy this awesome journey together. Cause I'm excited for what's to come and hope you are too.

It took alot finally admitting this out loud.

I appreciate and love all of you for all your support!!!

💗💗💗 THANKS FOR READING!!!💗💗💗

Have an incredible day everyone!!!💗💗💗

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onedivinemisfit · 2 years ago

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2022 Creator’s Self-Love Extravaganza

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works (fics, art, edits, etc.) you’ve created this year and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2022. If you don’t have five published works, that’s fine! Include ideas/drafts/whatever you like that you’ve worked on/thought about, and talk a little about them instead! Remember, this is all about self-love and positive enthusiasm, so fuck the rules if you need to. Have fun, and tag as many fellow creators as you like so they can share the love!

Tagged by @bubblesthemonsterartist tho I daresay I am fashionably late at this point, more than two weeks into the new year. Did I forget? Maaaaybe. Which brings us right to the main problem;

I barely remember. Like. 2022. At all. Things happened, I’m sure, but it’s as if there’s a fine layer of mist atop my memories, stopping me from really seeing them. Last year wasn’t really very kind to me. For every up, three downs followed, and between two failed surgeries, a bout of covid, and then whatever the hell kind of flare happened in the autumn… yeah. Idek. It is what it is.

As such, I can’t really comment on my art as like, a whole process, this year. It just existed in the ‘now’, which is presently the ‘then’. I know I beat my submission record from last year, but it felt like a meaningless victory. Despite everything, I can feel it in my hand now, when I draw, that some progress has been made. Subconsciously perhaps, but it’s there.

Onto the ranking then! (I just had to pull up the archive cuz fuck if I remember what I posted, and when)

*deep sigh* we all saw this coming, didn’t we? As much as I love, I curse this image, for in hindsight it felt as if all my creative energy for the entire damned year went into this one piece! Like how dare! But yes it is one of my best redraws ever, and more so than the characters, I feel like I added to the background something even better than the original. There, I said it.

Omigod this entire thiiiiiing. Were it not for the redraw, this would be the top spot. I can’t explain, so many ideas are left in the brain for countless hours, days, months, YEARS. This was two years in the making, and never before did I manage to recreate something that had the exact same vibe as it looked in my imagination. Especially because I’m not a comic creator, hashtag compulsive disclaimer lol. Also while I was drawing it, seeing people go from “hmmm what’s this?” to “wait is that-?” and then “ooooooh it is the lead-up to The Thing” was priceless.

A last-second outlier comes in third. I admit to making this in a hurry, just to have something really nice to show for december (a month which is usually a highly productive month to me, but 2022 didn’t let me have that either) and as such, since I was struggling, both with a deadline, and a lack of real inspiration, I feel like. I managed to improve, somehow. Call it magic, but this looks noticeably different to many of my other colored pieces.

To be perfectly honest, this was a sketch. People might not think it one, for it has details, a color scheme, and even effects - but at the time I posted it, this was just a colorized sketch in my mind. Tumblr disagreed. And I was left in awe watching this first get reblogged within the fandom, then beyond, then go through a hanfu appreciation blog, and finally reblogged with a truly tender chinese poem attached that said person felt gave them the same vibe as what I had drawn. The people spoke, and I was both awed and humbled, and I learned a valuable lesson in humanity relating to art.

Unlike the others, this was a conscious attempt at something different. I can’t really say why it should go in the fifth spot, but it does; i spent a lot more time than usual on composition, colors, and most importantly, mood setting. And putting characters so solidly into the middleground can be a challenge in itself for me, as I run the risk of getting storybook-ish. Which would’ve been disastrous for a scene like this.

Honorable mention;

Coping through art. @bubblesthemonsterartist has the honor of inspiring this, or like, being the one to “give me” the go-ahead to channel some of my experiences through the characters and story-telling in general. Back pain is something I know all too well, and it was well and truly therapeutic. I also got to do another test of “can I retell this scene, even if I switch part of the cast and premise?” And it seems I did. I will always remember @what-plant-metaphor-am-i ‘s tag; ‘# I feel like I just watched an entire episode XD’ <- never has my inner storyteller been more validated.

There, that wasn’t so hard! Sometimes I’m really thankful for the internet, and timestamps, and kicking my memory back into gear etc… anyway, since I am so woefully late to the party, I’m not tagging anyone specifically; if you wanna be fashionably late too, you know who tagged you~

#2022 self love extravaganza #art meme #self love meme #2022 summary #myart #about the artiste

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sonic-spirit · 2 years ago

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Fire & Rescue Shifters series, by Zoe Chant

Book reviews? Book reviews!

So, my lovely mate is fuckin’ prolific about reviewing and logging media: Books, movies, TV, comics, their big Pokemon playthrough project—it’s all so damn awesome. So, watching them and hearing them share their writing? I wanna play, too!

So, I’m trying to record and review the books I read and listen to, too. ^_^;; Even though the amount of times I’ll revisit the same book series is pretty excessive. But hey, you won’t know that! Yet…!

Anyway. I read a lot of shifter romance novels. I got into it looking for some good smut, and stayed for the stories. The cheesier and lighthearted fluff (with an underlying Actual Story), the better. I am but a simple lad.

So yeah, the Zoe Chant books (actually a shared pen name for several authors) are a regular go-to for me, since they usually have the tones I’m looking for, and there’s a ton of them.

^_^;; These quickly started to balloon out from simple blurbs to something more thought out, so it’s kinda hilarious to watch that progression.

Firefighter Dragon (Fire & Rescue Shifters, #1)

Dates Revisited: December 21-22

Format: Audiobook

“Re-read” the audiobook of this again to give my mind something to do while working on some stuff. I always forget that the female lead, an archeologist, is called Virginia Jones. And that she’s OBVIOUSLY called that because of Indiana Jones.

It’s not subtle, but I keep missing it anyway.

The inadvertent and somewhat anti-colonialist subplot is hilarious in light of Indy and Virginia’s reverence for museums. “The Queen’s a dragon! Her hoard is the British museums! Oh, at least your family’s ancestral treasure isn’t the results of grave robbing and pillaging! But the Bad Dragon? His hoard is TOTALLY stolen spoils. And he doesn’t even take CARE of his artifacts!”

Welsh is cool and all, but I still always want a red dragon named Dai to be Asian. He can be Welsh-Asian, I’d take that.

Firefighter Pegasus (Fire & Rescue Shifters, #2)

Dates Revisited: December 22-December 23

Format: Audiobook

This one’s WAY better than Firefighter Dragon. For one, Connie, the female lead, gets to do more in the plot than get kidnapped and menaced. I like that she gets to actually be the pilot for the race her future hinges on, instead of Chase swooping in to do it. I also like that this one sets up Ivy, and that she’ll come back into the orbit of these characters going forward.

The sex scenes do start falling into the “He hilted and she came immediately,” thing that I have a problem with in several Zoe Chant books, but they’re still pretty good.

I started reading the Wildfire Shifters series before this one, which follows this crew’s kids, and it’s SUPER obvious they didn’t work that hard on making the logistics of that work. Connie calls Chase “Rainbow Dash” at one point, placing this firmly post-2010, rather than like, the 80s that this would have to be set in to make the timeline work if the Wildfire series is present day, when the offspring are all in their 20s and stuff. But that’s more of a nitpick than anything else, it does distract me a bit sometimes, though. Especially when Ivy’s goth gear would be more at home in the 1980s than the 2017 this book was written in (or at least the audiobook was produced, admittedly I’m not checking the publishing date right now).

Firefighter Griffin (Fire & Rescue Shifters, #3)

Dates Revisited: December 23-December 27

Format: Audiobook

Hecc. I got suuuper sick with appendicitis and had emergency surgery to fix the problem Tuesday the 27th through Wednesday the 28th, and I’m still dealing with a lot of post-surgery brain fog (as of writing this on the 30th). ^_^;; Naturally I wasn’t really in a state to log a review when I finished the book, and advanced on to the next book in the series, Firefighter Sea Dragon, immediately upon finishing so that I could use the story as distraction from the pain. So that was fun.

This one is…I dunno. Look, I’m still recovering, and have a lot of brain fog.

Again, I read the Wildfire shifters books first, so the reveal that Griff is a Griffin? Yeah, I already knew that. That he was born with 2 inner animals who constantly fight and try to literally rip each other apart and NEARLY KILL HIM? Well, that I did not expect.

Anyway, Hayley’s cute, Danny’s cute, and I like the non-traditional family they end up having with Danny’s bio-dad, Reiner, even though every time he blustered about how nobody thought he was fit to be a parent, especially during his bid for sole or primary custody I wanted to knock his damn teeth in. YEAH, NO ONE THINKS YOU’RE FIT BECAUSE YOU WERE COMPLETELY UNINTERESTED AND NON-CONTACT WITH YOUR KIT FOR THE FIRST 5 YEARS OF HIS LIFE, AND IT WASN’T UNTIL HE HAD HIS FIRST SHIFT THAT YOU GAVE TWO SHITS. So no, you aren’t fit for sole or primary custody of your kit. But you do clearly care, and you are trying now. Moreover, I get that he comes from an abusive background, and is doing his best within his understanding of how to do that.

And that, canonically, his understanding of what a good pride (as in lions) looks like is wrong (and that Danny’s is right).

So I can respect every part of that. I liked Reiner’s visceral horror when he realized he nearly hit Danny when the kit stood up to him. I liked that everything he’d been taught about how to be an “alpha lion” was blatantly wrong, and that the story knew it was wrong…even though it still takes “alpha” as an actual concept, and not super wrong information formed by observing the behavior of captive wolves in mixed family groups. Fuckin’ WHOOPS.

Also, props to Danny, “999 told me not to call for a firefighter unless there’s a literal fire, and I really, really need to be rescued by the firefighter I know? Okay, got it, will set a fire.” What a fuckin’ great kid.

Firefighter Sea Dragon (Fire & Rescue Shifters, #4)

Dates Revisited: December 27-December 30

Format: Audiobook

This one’s another that’s not as fresh, because again I was listening to the audiobook to distract myself from a lot of pain in the ER waiting room before I could get in for emergency surgery. Like, I’ve read or listened to the audiobook for all 7 of these books at least once before, but that doesn’t mean I remember everything super well.

I’m not sure how I feel about this one, it’s complicated. There’s some things I really like about it, some things that I think are missed opportunities, and some that I think are pretty bad mis-steps…and I’m not always sure which is which.

John Doe (and his future son, Joe Small) are some of my favorite boys in these related series, but I think John’s at his best when he’s a wise, supporting character threatening to force-feed his oath brother terrible soup or singing to the rain? And this book’s delving into his home and background ends up, heh, washing those vibes away a bit. At least I kinda feel that way. I dunno. Something makes me not vibe as hard with John in this book, possibly from just going from the more open to interpretation feeling regarding sea dragon culture to actually defining how striated and frankly sterile the daily life of at the very least a knight is. Like. I’m always gonna rankle at vows of chastity being a requirement, especially for an entire class/rank of person. Those being a requirement to become a knight is wild to me, and then the abusive, racist, controlling knight commander (who is admittedly The Bad Guy) just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

It’s not super fair to judge Atlantis’ flaws on this and the later books in the Wildfire series, but the more we actually see of sea dragon culture the more basic and less interesting it even is. I think mostly it’s just not terribly well-developed, since a lot of these books are based more on aesthetics, “Which flavor of sexy beefcake do you want to sweep you off your feet, lady reading this?” than deep exploration of the cultures involved with these hot shifter boys. It’s just more glaring with the sea dragons, since they do live entirely apart in a hidden secret world that can operate on its own. But even in text, it goes from being firmly established as a culture where the inhabitants spend most of their time in their non-human forms, only shifting to treat with dignitaries since using human language is often the only way to communicate to…IDK, shiny be-pearled Ren Faire stuff. I’ll try and dig into it more when I get to Wildfire Sea Dragon, since that’s where the shallowness of Atlantis’ culture/development as a real place really becomes obvious, or maybe where the efforts to develop the Pearl Empire as a real culture stopped.

Otherwise…fuck royalism. Fuck the monarchy, fuck all that shit. Like, it��s bad. Glad Neridia’s actually a professional conservationist, and therefore has both training and knowledge of how to address the population problems Atlantis is facing, and a scientific background with which to approach leading. But fuck. It’s not like scientific grounding is genetic and lasts beyond one generation. Hereditary leadership. What a stupid fucking concept.

The Master Shark’s Mate (Fire & Rescue Shifters, #5)

Dates Revisited: December 30-? And then again January 17-18

Format: Audiobook

I literally cannot interact with this book without thinking about Knives Out anymore. I ADORE that the titular Master Shark’s Mate is called Marta. I fuckin’ love Marta. She’s fuckin’ wonderful.

I love that Marta’s a coyote. I love that she’s a grandma, and a widow. She already had the “Love of her life,” even if he wasn’t her One True Mate, and still feels loyalty to those vows. I love that memory of Manny, her dead husband, is what allows her to let go of her self-imposed stagnation to embrace her mate.

I love that the Master Shark’s given name is fuckin’ Finn! And that it’s that because his mom, a human, had a sense of humor! I love that despite being almost totally socialized in undersea society he has such warmth and respect for others under his stern outward presentation.

I love seeing the everyday turmoil of Marta’s coyote pack vs. the local rattlesnakes, and how, though it initially feels so much smaller than the big problems we’ve seen elsewhere in the series…it’s the same. I love that Finn bridges that gap with the same empathy and ability to peacekeep, THROUGH his power and shark-itude, as he does for the sea kingdoms, and that he never once treats their struggles like smaller or lesser ones.

I fuckin’ love this book, guys.

Like, it’s not flawless. And a lot of its strengths come from the context it exists within. But inside that context? It’s so, so damn good.

Firefighter Unicorn (Fire & Rescue Shifters, #6)

Dates Revisited: January 18-January 19

Format: Audiobook

I HATE the Unicorns Need Virginity thing. Hate, HATE, HATE. With a bloody fuckin’ passion I hate it, and I refuse to shut up about it. I especially hate that the whole damn trope comes from fuckin’ christianity, which, in my very ardent opinion, is a religion of abuse. It’s almost cliched that actual articles about unicorns would make a point to state that the “purity” thing was changed to “virginity” with the rise of christianity, and that before that “You could be a mother of 12, so long as you were pure of heart.” So like. C’mon.

So having Hugh’s struggle stem from his inability to handle sexual impurity…? UGH. The issues being tied to orgasms is…interesting, but I still hate that we have to dance this dance.

But FINE. We’ll DO THIS.

Unicorns, if you didn’t know by now, are KINDA MY JAM. I’ve been a lifelong unicorn boy, and Wildfire Unicorn was the first book of these series I picked up.

So like, it was interesting to see that Hugh had hidden that he was a unicorn from the rest of his squad for so long, that shifter culture held that unicorns were make-believe in a world of dragons, pegasi, and phoenix, and that they took THIS LONG to finally get to the Hugh-nicorn pun. Also strange and interesting that they had unicorn hunting as an imminent threat in a setting where most believe unicorns don’t exist. Always a weird choice to hold those plotlines simultaneously…but whatever, I guess, it gives us some of our conflict.

Though honestly? Even though the virginity and the unicorn hunting are such huge unicorn tropes, and I’d find it weird if they didn’t get mentioned in passing or lampshaded for your Unicorn Outing of the series…the book’d be tighter and the story’d be better if Ivy’s struggles were the ones we worked on, without both those plot threads muddying the water.

Cuz Ivy’s struggle with her wyvern, with class, with past homelessness, with the loss of her emotionally abusive (or at least neglectful) mom, her guilt over and love of her sister Hope (first prominent gay character, cuz I don’t count Marta’s daughter as “prominent”!), and her past of scraping by in shady dealings…that’s where the good meat of the story lies.

I don’t think the book went far enough in paying off how wrong Alpha Team had been about her, how shitty they were to demonize her, and how she’d just been jumping from bad situation to bad situation, struggling to get by, while Chase is a billionaire’s son, Hugh is an earl’s son, Griff’s family has land and a distillery, and John’s never had to live in the evils of capitalism and had Griff to live with and get him culturally acclimated when he came up from the ocean. Super easy to be judgy when you’re rich and have no clue, have never had the threat of homelessness hanging over your head. So while that theme is there, it’s not quite prevalent enough for me.

Then Hugh’s virginity thing swoops back in and eclipses everything again. Because that’s the important part.

I just really can’t hammer home how much of this book is about whether Hugh and Ivy should bone, and the fallout of them boning, and how the secret all along was boning, but like, the right way. It’s…seriously fucked, honestly.

Firefighter Phoenix (Fire & Rescue Shifters, #7)

Dates Revisited: January 19-23

Format: Audiobook

My feelings on this one are…complicated. Like, there’s a ton to like about it, but also…

In the good column, I always prefer when both parties are shifters. I just like the dynamic better, when one doesn’t have to induct the other into this hidden world, they’re mutually powerful, they know the ins and outs of having, in this series’ case, an animal inside them, and that just…lets us cut to the place I’m interested in. Especially the “ways the different animal natures interact.” That’s a huge part of what I come to shifter stories for, I want the POV through the eyes of these animals. (Chaos, is the specific vibe I’m looking for hard to find.)

I’m not super in love with the One True Mates thing this series has going (and not just cuz I’m polyamorous), but it’s a staple of shifter romances, and it gives the authors fewer excuses to arbitrarily separate their pairs—which doesn’t stop them from still doing it, but means they have to get more creative than the annoying sitcom-style “Overheard the wrong statement out of context,” type tripe you often get in your cheesy low stakes romance. Look. I’m here for cheese and low stakes, not morons who can’t have a conversation. Them caring enough to have an uncomfortable discussion is definitely a perk.

(Halp. I just finished Jennette McCurdy’s “I’m Glad My Mom Died” and now I have her narrative voice stuck in my head!)

In the…not bad but personally fraught category: OOF. Like, the narrative doesn’t dwell on it as hard as it could, it’s got cheesy romance and sex scenes to get to, after all, but CHAOS, IS ASH’S ABUSER CORBIN A FUCKIN’ GARBAGE MONSTER OF DEATH. Just…coming from my own abusive parents, and having been sucked into a few cults and cult-like situations…FUUUUCK. So yeah, it gets close to being a bit triggering. Triggering adjacent, if you will. Where it doesn’t cross the line into bringing forward any of my specific trauma, but it has me tense and ready for it. So that gets a bit rough.

But again, the book doesn’t dwell on it, so neither do I have to. Yay!

In the Actually Bad, even though it’s making a solid effort to justify itself, though I’m not willing to give it that generosity: Ash Fucking With Rose’s Memories, and fucking her 20 years later with her NOT KNOWING about their first actual meeting and that she ACTUALLY LOST HER VIRGINITY TO HIM 20 YEARS PREVIOUS AND HER THINKING THAT SHE’S STILL A VIRGIN NOW AND SHE HAS NO IDEA!!!??? AND THE BOOK TRIES TO DWELL IN THIS AS ROMANTIC!? DON’T TRY TO TELL ME THAT THIS IS ANYTHING BUT A HORRIFIC PILE OF NONCONSENT! “Oh, but she never was anything but loyal to Ash, even though she knew nothing about it and thought, WITH GOOD REASON, that her One True Mate was dead!” SO THIS WOMAN WHO WOULD OTHERWISE BE INTERESTED IS TOO EMOTIONALLY SCARRED TO TRY AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE!? (Or even have a casual hookup!?) UNTIL SHE’S IN HER 40S!?

Like, it’s one thing entirely if you’re ace. Being ace and uninterested for 20 years, cool. Hell, being demisexual and uninterested for 20 years! But THAT IS NOT THE CODING WE’RE WORKING WITHIN, HERE. We have an individual we have no reason to believe is anything but allosexual, who is too traumatized by loss to try and look for connection…who is mourning someone she HONESTLY BELIEVES DIED BEFORE SHE MET HIM. Oh, also? HE’S BEEN HANGING OUT IN THE PUB SHE OWNS AND LIVING NEARBY AND A FIXTURE IN HER LIFE FOR 10 YEARS.

Yeah, fuck that plotline straight to the earth’s core. Yeah, Ash’s stupid fucking idiocy does end up being A Problem for him. A Big Honkin’ Plot Problem, even. But no, I’m sorry. This is not okay, and doesn’t get a pass from me. Like, there’s enough narrative retribution that I wouldn’t begrudge anyone else for forgiving this utter bullshit, but it doesn’t get absolution from me.

Anyway. The epilogue is kinda hilariously long and all about setting up the Wildfire Shifters series, passing the torch, as it were. And I’d probably have been annoyed to spend such a long epilogue in fankid hell territory, but again, I read the Wildfire books first, so joke’s on them, to me this was a prequel series the whole time.

#my stuff #review #book review #writing #shifter romance novels #fire and rescue shifters #fire & rescue shifters #zoe chant

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