#and also some false widows

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Every spider that lives in my kitchen windowsill is both a feature AND a bug.

[holybibly]

girl i really dunno how to ask but ummm i...i mean WE need more preacher/saint/priest content....oh i just thought priest yunho with some cnc and bdsm........and maybe some watersports....oh. my. god. i died. my eyes are only seeing some whips, punishment and a lot of sin. bye.

Hi, honey, how are you? I really spoiled you, didn't I? But it seems that everyone is just as crazy about hot priests/pasors,preachers, and nuns as I am. Woo was hotter than hell when he was a priest, don't you think, bunnies?

I've already mentioned that I'll be doing a sequel for each member, but I'll tell you more so you can look forward to my updates.

Below I mention religious, hierophilia and church related topics. Bunnies, please refrain from reading if such content makes you uncomfortable. You have been warned!

Beware of False Prophets Demon San x Reader

Everyone in your town has been talking about the arrival of a new priest. The parishioners have been on their knees in praise of Pastor Choi San ever since he walked through the doors of your little church. He was devout, quiet, and, for a priest, incredibly handsome. He quickly became the object of admiration and wet dreams.

And you were not left out. The way his cat-like eyes would sometimes linger on you during Mass, or the way your name would roll off his tongue when he addressed you, made you blush with shame, not only at the dirty thoughts in your head but also at the fact that your panties were getting too wet just by looking at San.

But little did you know that Pastor Choi San had much more forbidden and depraved intentions towards you than that. Not all that glitters is gold, and not everyone is a saint who wears a holy robe.

It is said that one should beware of false prophets, for good intentions lead to hell. Or maybe the demon San will disguise himself as the new pastor of your church and try to tempt you into committing a sin.

Are you callin' me a sinner? Priest Yunho x Widow Reader

It was never in your wildest dreams that you'd be a widow at such a young age. Less than three months had passed since you got married when your husband tragically died, and this became the talk of your small town.

People walked past you, looked at you with disgust, closed their doors in front of you, and pointedly ignored you as if you had committed some mortal sin, which is probably what they thought you had done. You were so young and too beautiful, and your husband... Your husband was a man much older than you. You loved him; you really did, and losing him destroyed you. Your husband left you a huge fortune to inherit, and people whispered that you killed him to get money and to take a lover. Some even said you made a pact with the devil by killing your husband in return for your unearthly beauty and money. They said that you were a sinful brat.

Your only comfort at that time was faith, and you spent all your evenings in prayer and penance. One day, your housekeeper advised you to contact the priest, Jeong Yunho, describing him as a pious, compassionate, and gentle person who always showed mercy to everyone and granted the desired forgiveness of sins to all the troubled hearts. But she neglected to mention that Yunho was also an incredibly handsome young man who was more likely to tempt you to sin than to help you atone for it.

"I will help you get rid of your sins, my child." His hoarse voice whispered in your ear as he let the dress fall from your shoulders and down your back.

"I am going to cleanse you of the sin and the impurity of this world." Yunho said as he put a blindfold over your eyes and tied your hands behind your back.

"The only way you will be able to atone for your sins is through pain, and I will help you with that, my dear." He said this, accompanying his words with a lash of his whip across your bare skin.

Say yes to Heaven Pastor Yeosang x Libertine Reader

You never wanted to have anything as much as you wanted to have Kang Yeosang. He was handsome. He looked like an angel. He was everything that you ever wanted to sink your teeth into. He was your church's pastor. And that was what drove the hell out of you.

Yeosang was a simple man—an incredibly sweet and gentle man—who always helped his parishioners find the right path and to find God in their hearts. You, however, could brag about an endless list of sins and vices that you proudly displayed, like your favourite red lipstick. If given the chance, you would paint the whole town red, but mostly you wanted to see it smeared around Pastor Yeosang's handsome cock while you deepthroated him. The two of you came from completely different worlds—a saint and a sinner—but you had always believed that opposites attract.

Every mass was a game of seduction for you, and you wondered how far you could go before the angelic halo over Yeosang's head would crack and he would fuck you senseless. Although you had doubts that he could do it, you had a feeling that he was a virgin and would probably faint at the sight of a pink, wet pussy in front of his pretty angelic face. God, the boy was so holy and inexperienced about sex.

But how wrong you were about him! There are always two sides to every coin, and you will learn from experience that there are some desires that are better left as fantasies. Or the one where Pastor Yeosang fucks you to the last inch of your life and teaches you the concept of out-of-body experiences through orgasm.

Me and the Devil Lucifer Seonghwa x Reader Nun

From the day your parents took you to church for the first time, you knew that your life would be one of devotion to God. Of course, this was not the destiny your family wanted for you, but they still supported you on your way to becoming a virgin bride.

The convent where you lived to prepare for your vows was far from home and did not have the best reputation. But the priest of your parish convinced you that it was there, and nowhere else, that you could know God. And he was right; you did know God, but it was not the God to whom you prayed every night of your life.

It all began with dreams. Dark and unholy dreams came to you more and more often. The cold hands of a stranger sliding over your skin, a hot tongue exploring your body and lips as if sin itself were branding you with kisses, all ending with the first rays of dawn. Then this strange cat appeared and would not leave your side for a minute. But what frightened you most was the disappearance of the other nuns. One after the other, they vanished without a trace, until there were only a few novices left in the convent.

The night you took your vows was dark and moonless. So were the eyes of the dark-winged angel who appeared before you. It was as if he were woven of pure sin, depravity, and rage, oozing from his skin like ichor, and the rustle of his wings was the very sound you would hear before your death. But Angel, Lucifer, Seonghwa—call him what you like—came here with one goal: to finally get his bride.

"Do you have faith that your God will be the answer to your prayers, my beautiful bride? Do you believe that he is going to save you?" Seonghwa's lips touched your cheek, and his burning breath flowed across your skin. "You belong to me. Your soul, your faith, your body—all of it belongs to me. And you will accept me as your husband, dear child. Or you will say goodbye to your life at dawn."

There will be a separate post for Mingi, Jongho and Hongjoong. I am going to leave you in suspense, my little bunnies.

There's no harm in a bit of intrigue, is there?

[randomshyperson]

Morning Grumpy Witch - Wanda Maximoff Oneshots

Summary: The one where moody Emo!Wanda has a bad morning, but luckily, she also has a soft spot saved for her girlfriend. [Requested]

Warnings: None really, all fluff with Avengers being a family and Wanda being a simp. | Words: 1.197k

A/N-> I deviated a little from the original request and ended up writing a shared POV with Reader and Bucky Barnes my precious baby. This is pretty small and sweet as requested.

General Masterlist | AO3 | Wattpad

-&-

It was common knowledge in Avengers Tower that Wanda could be a temperamental person. And so it was best to keep a distance until she regained her temper, especially after things went wrong, like failing Natasha Romanoff's same combat challenge four times in a row. Not that anyone was keeping score.

But Bucky was a recent member of the team, and well, he's trying to be a more considerate person and had no idea that while he was preparing breakfast, Wanda was falling down her ass, again and again, and having to deal with the provocative giggles of two veteran captains and a spy who seemed to take some kind of personal pride in managing to defeat a witch.

And just for this, when the team left the gymnasiums for the kitchen, he greeted them amiably and joined in the loose talk and jokes even if he didn't know exactly what the others were laughing at.

Clint - who had spent the morning reinforcing and repairing his bows - appeared in the kitchen and like the father he was, his first instinct was to ruffle the hair of an already irritated Maximoff, grinning at her grumbling protest as he leaned over to get a cup of coffee.

Bucky didn't do anything wrong. He just wanted to make conversation. The problem was the subject.

"So, Maximoff, everything went well in training? Someone needs to kick Natasha's ass one of these days. I imagine it's easier with your magical advantage." He commented, but Wanda remained silent to the countless giggles that arose from the Avengers present in the gym at the time of the training.

Natasha made an expression of false interest, which hid the teasing. "Yeah, Wanda, tell him how your magic tricks helped you fall flat on your face on the tatami four times?"

The table exploded into giggles, Wanda grunted in irritation and embarrassment, before standing at once with a small breakfast plate in hand. Bucky swallowed dryly when she offered him only an angry glance of red irises before turning away to the kitchen counter.

He leaned a little in Nat's direction. "Was it that bad?" He whispered, and the widow laughed before clarifying:

"She has potential, but she relies too much on magic tricks. She can't get past the first wave of challenges, because she can't charm a training hologram." Nat explains.

The table falls into a brief conversation, and Bucky steals a glance at where Wanda is sitting - and shattering a loaf of bread with more force than necessary.

From the small living room, two figures then emerge to join the meal: the Starks of the Tower. Unlike Tony and his fancy robe, you are dressed casually, and he vaguely remembers you mentioning that you had a meeting at SWORD later.

It is Tony who greets the team first- You follow him, smiling briefly before your gaze circles the room. 

"Where's my little witch...?" You ask distractedly, almost sighing when you see the crestfallen figure in the kitchen. 

"Careful." He warns naturally. "She's kind of moody today."

You chuckle through your nose, turning away without missing an opportunity to steal a sweet bagel from Tony's hand, and ignoring his protest to catch up with your girlfriend at the counter.

Well, Bucky assumes you are a couple at least. He has never asked about it, but it is in the way you look and behave around each other. 

And it's definitely in how you come up behind Wanda, hugging her and completely breaking her pouting expression with kisses all over her neck and face.

The team only pays attention to the display of affection when Wanda breaks into a giggle a minute later, the sound muffled between kisses that you steal from her.

Clint has a fond smile as he comments to the rest of the staff:

"It's nice that they get along so well." 

The Avengers hum in agreement. Natasha is swiping cream cheese on a cracker when she comments to Steve:

"Let's invite Y/N to watch the afternoon practice." She says turning her face to the two figures on the counter. Wanda's stool has been spun by your hands, and despite being all over her, you both have your attention on the table at the mention of your name. Natasha gives a little smile. "It's just that Wanda fights better when she wants to impress her girlfriend. Isn't that right, Maximoff?"

All Nat gets is a raised middle finger that makes the team laugh. You chuckle at the interaction too but lean your face to hide against Wanda's neck, your arms closing around her body and hugging her properly. Wanda ignores the team to hold you back.

"I like this." She whispers, arms tightening and making you hum in agreement against her skin. Still, the position is not ideal because of the height difference between your standing figure and her sitting. Wanda sighs in your ear. "Can we go back to our room? Take a shower together..."

You groan at the amazing idea, kissing her neck before pulling away to look her in the eyes. "I can't, babe. Business meeting" You remind her, mimicking the pout she displays with your response. "Sorry. How about later?"

"Natasha didn't lie, I really do have practice. I like the idea of you watching, though." She replies, and you flash a small lopsided grin.

"Hmm, I also like the idea of watching you sweat..." You tease, managing to make her cheeks acquire a pink color. You kiss her softly before commenting, "It's a date then."

You are kissing her again when Clint hisses in warning, his gaze on the clock on the wall.

"You'll be late if you don't leave now, Stark." He tells you, and begrudgingly, you pull away from Wanda, stealing a few kisses before doing so completely.

"I'm going to borrow your car, Tony. The Silver Bugatti." You declare as you walk past the keychain. Your brother grimaces.

"No way! You have your own cars!" He protests but only receives vague excuses before you rush out of the kitchen - Throwing a kiss in the air to your girlfriend before leaving completely.

Tony spends the rest of the coffee complaining that no one respects their older brothers anymore. Bucky is impressed that five minutes ago, Wanda nearly bewitched him over a question, and now she was having trouble hiding the silly grin on her face.

He got up to drop some dirty mugs in the sink, and ventured, "You two are sweet together. And you seem to really like her, with your puppy dog eyes."

Wanda's expression changed on the spot, the red returning to her irises but also to her cheeks.

"Are you mocking me?" She retorted but looked so adorable at having been caught that he just chuckled, his attention on his mugs.

"I wouldn't dream of it." He merely replied, chuckling to himself as Wanda stormed out of the kitchen the next moment. Stealing a quick glance at Steve across the table, he wonders if it would be a good idea to set up a double date, maybe even invite Maria and Natasha if the widow promises not to torment the witch.

[sadcoms]

timepetals thoughts i keep having:

i know that the assumption is “she is my s-” means soulmate but i always think he just thinks of rose as his soul. less that she completes him or is his other half and more that she just is his conscience and any goodness he may have is hers. he was born out of love for her, she is such an integral part of him, she is his soul itself.

i know everyone has taken permanent damage from the “how long are you going to stay with me” and why the general focus is on the doctor’s reaction but the way rose says forever gets to me. she’s not giddy or girlish when she says it, in some ways she almost sounds resigned to it, which has wonderfully angsty connotations in the timeline of s2. but it’s why it really works for me, she is so dead serious and committed when she says it, because she understands everything it means (and therefore part of her feels solemn about it). it has a lot of weight to it. even the first time donna says she’s going to travel with the doctor forever to martha at the end of the doctor’s daughter she sounds a lot more fanciful.

every time i hear the doctor scream when rose loses her grip in doomsday i just think that he would absolutely not have survived her actually being sucked into the void.

i always think the vocals in doomsday are similar to the doctor’s theme so to me the angry rock music is rose’s side and the vocals are his, rather than the howling wolf idea i’ve heard some people compare it to. how the doctor’s theme is lonely and mournful with its sparse instruments but calm, everything the ninth doctor was, while doomsday is heartbroken and angry and an entire orchestra because it’s two people overcome with grief together. how doomsday becomes such a motif for both characters individually, even when they're separated.

i still struggle to comprehend that the doctor wearing floral ties in s3 is canon and NOT a fanfic trope like you're telling the doctor said "i need a floral motif as close to my two hearts as possible" and you're describing him as something other than a grieving widower???

the doctor really could not go anywhere in s3 without running into some kind of couple but i never see people talk about the parallels in 42. “we chose this ship together / he keeps me honest so i don’t want false hope” and the way the doctor literally gives mcdonnell his condolences through gritted teeth?? the fact that she would rather die with korwin than be without him and have it be her fault

that the doctor, king of self-loathing, saw rose dressed as his ninth self and carrying a giant weapon and he not only RAN to her but then deliberately protected her from the trauma of seeing him change again. and then tentoo immediately picks a blue suit to be like now i’m matchey matchey with rose 🥰 the universe was ending and he’d seen rose again for two actual minutes but the doctor was so utterly focused on her.

how tentoo truly is rose's doctor, especially as he's got that little bit of nine in him. he's born out of the same love and protection of his previous incarnations but he loses a heart and the curse of the timelords and goes oh, this is rose's heart. and then he wears the blue mourning suit and yes, there is still mourning, but there is also the start of the rest of their lives together.

how the doctor’s hair most noticeably changed after school reunion to become spikier and less boyish. how that coincides with him using mickey to put distance between himself and rose now that he’s been reminded of rose’s mortality.

how wild the doctor and jack’s conversation in utopia is. the way the doctor says “rose” like it’s an entire explanation in itself because even before she absorbed the time vortex she fundamentally changed the life of everyone she met. the way he says “everything she did was so human” and the way he accepts jack’s sorry to him because there’s no trying to deny his feelings from jack, not when he saw his ninth self. the way jack has BARELY finished his sentence about watching rose grow up when the doctor casually asks him if he wants to die, the almost playful way he says it. one semi suicidal immortal who spent half of the season trying to get himself killed to another, both of them still kind of toying with the idea. both of them trying to have hope even though they've lost so much.

[r--c]

Élan School, The Cult In A Boarding School

Élan School was an abusive behavior modification program and therapeutic boarding school located in Poland, Maine. It was a full member of the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs (NATSAP) and was considered to be a part of the troubled teen industry. The facility was closed down on April 1, 2011, due to multiple reports of abuse, many from former students, dating back to its opening in 1970.

The Élan School was located on a 33-acre campus in south Poland that was formerly a hunting lodge. There were also other campuses, such as the one on 424 Maplecrest Road in Parsonsfield, which was formerly a hotel and hospital before it was bought by Élan in 1975. This campus was known to have some of the worst abuse in the school's history, and was put out of use sometime in the 1980s.

The Élan School acquired notoriety during the 1990s and early-2000s when former classmates of Michael Skakel, who had attended in the 1970s, testified against him in his trial for a murder that had occurred about two years before he had enrolled. The school was also the subject of persistent allegations of abuse in their behavioral modification program.

Élan School was founded in 1970 by Joseph Ricci, a former heroin addict who had worked with young people in drug treatment facilities, along with psychiatrist Dr. Gerald Davidson and investor David Goldberg. Ricci headed the school until his death on January 29, 2001 due to lung cancer, when his widow Sharon Terry took over. In 1974, Élan 1 was damaged by a fire with damages estimated as $100,000

On March 23, 2011, the Élan School announced it would be closing on April 1, 2011. The school's owner, Sharon Terry, blamed "declining enrollment and resulting financial difficulties," as well as negative attacks on the school via the Internet backlash. In a letter to the Lewiston Sun-Journal, Terry said: "The school has been the target of harsh and false attacks spread over Reddit and the internet with the avowed purpose of forcing the school to be closed."

On November 17, 2024, a fire destroyed a building on the property of the former Élan School.

Deaths Related to Élan. (Rest in peace.)

Brad Glickman - was shot by Roy O'Hara.

Dawn Marie Birnbaum - sadly, found dead and raped by Robert Cruz Jr.

Tiffany Joyce Sedaris - after decades of struggling with mental illness, sadly she decided to kill herself on May 24, 2013.

Phil Wiliams - died after participating in Elan's ''ring'' (where students were forced to fight eachother to ''modificate'' their behavior.) he was beaten so badly that he died of brain aneurysm''.

[dxrksong]

About the Zerum Pressure controversy on roblox

Personally, I can see why people are upset, but I also don't understand it.

Zerum isn't actually Zerum. 'Zerum' is a character. A character connonical to Sebastian's story. Zerum is just more or less cosplaying as her own character.

As far as I know, she doesn't ACTUALLY want to marry Sebastian. She's the sole reason why he even exists after all. So He's HER character. Zeal had given Zerum all right to him, too!

So if she wants to give Sebastian a wife that she just so happens to like cosplaying as, then it shouldn't be a big deal.

Now! For the other problem.

"They would've been 10 years old when they got married!!"

Now here's where I think people miss the point:

'Zerum' and Sebastian are around the same age. Which means something must've happened in order for them to NEED to get married!

There is SO much angst and story potential here. It's sad that nobody sees it! Because 10 year olds don't get legally married for no reason!

Personally, for me, through my experience of story beta-ing, a very angst filled plot point comes into mind:

Imagine you've made a friend, maybe even having met by saving her from a bear attack? You have never met her parents, but she always seems to be hiding from grownups whenever they're around. One day, some intimidating adults dressed in suits start poking around the neighborhood, scaring your friend to the point that they beg you to hide them.

Your family welcomes her in with open arms and tries their best to keep her hidden.

Unfortunately, your family is found out, and your family, along with your friend, are arrested and detained. Tensions are high, and you find out the reason why they were hunting your friend in the first place.

They wanted to use her abnormalities. Did they want to do genetic experiments? Medical torture? Maybe even turn her into a breeder to see if her abnormalities pass down?

Either way, you desperately didn't want that to happen. You were trying to figure out what to do when your law obsessed sister comes up with an idea:

If she's legally binded to someone, they can't take her.

But that poses a problem. Your baby brother is too young to know what's going on, and they don't allow same sex marriages just yet. So that left your 10 year old mind, to bravely take the stand to glare in the face of the government or science adjacent corporation, just to save your friend!

All for you to be declared legally dead 9 years later when you're falsely accused for the murder of nine people, one person for every year you had kept your friend from the greedy corporation's claws.

Years later. You don't know if she's still even alive anymore. Your only memory you have of her is a photo and your wedding band you were allowed to keep with you, most likely mourning the loss of someone you fought so hard and sacrificed so much for while having little hope of her survival.

The angst! The drama! The feels!!! And everyone is just focusing on false rumors about Zerum kicking them out of the discord group chat when THEY were the ones talking about NSFW stuff in front of literal impressionable CHILDREN that lurk and talk in said group chat!

Yeah, I'd ban you, too.

Oh! And one more thing! If you REALLY don't like the fish man being married. In all technicality, 'Zerum's a widow. Sebastian is legally dead. Stop attacking a real person!

[lisaiese]

lyrics in EPIC: the musical that changed my life trajectory

I don't know if it is the fact that I spent five years of high school studying Latin and Greek classics that makes me do this, but here I am writing a long ass tumblr post about some lyrics from the songs of a musical based on The Odyssey, the Homeric epic poem.

Enough chit chat, let's start from the lyrics in the first very song of the musical, 'The Horse and The Infant' from The Troy Saga:

The blood on your hands is something you won't lose All you can choose is whose

UGH so good already! Here we have Zeus speaking at the end of the song, basically telling Odysseus that killing in war is his duty as a man and a hero. This obviously kind of sounds like bullshit for us, but we have to understand the ancient culture behind it: in ancient Greece going to war was a symbol of honor. Think of the scene where Hector and Andromache met again, Hector really embodied the "I know that I probably won't come back to you and to our son (opsie), but I have to go"

Andromache said: “Dearest, your own great strength will be your death, and you have no pity on your little son, nor on me, ill-starred, who soon must be your widow…Please take pity upon me then, stay here on the rampart, that you may not leave your child an orphan, your wife a widow.” Hector responded: “All these things are in my mind also, lady; yet I would feel deep shame before the Trojans, and the Trojan women with trailing garments, if like a coward I were to shrink aside from the fighting.”

A key word is shame: many times my professor told us students about the 'shame culture' in ancient Greece, which Hector clearly refers to here. Therefore, it's either honor or shame: for the Greek dying in war was better than living like a coward. Through these lyrics - and also the next song of the album ('Just a Man') - we can notice how the characterization of Odysseus is different from that of heroes like Hector and Achilles: he seems more human. After all, it is no coincidence that he is characterized not only by physical strength but above all by intelligence: he is a 'Warrior of the Mind' (quoting one of the most iconic songs of the musical). In the first verse of The Odyssey, Homer calls Odysseus πολύτροπος, a term that literally means "of many turns" and can be translated as multifaceted, versatile, cunning.

Next lyrics are from 'Remember Them' from The Cyclops Saga:

What good would killing do? When mercy is a skill More of this world could learn to use

I chose these lyrics for two reason:

they are so well connected with the first ones and show how Odysseus still has his morality here (you have a long way my friend)

it is such a good phrase honestly, let's appreciate it

Actually, something to reflect on could be the theme of mercy, but I don't really remember a lot of information about it and I don't want to write about things I'm not so sure about. In fact, what I rememeber pretty well is mercy related to the Roman/Latin culture, in particular to the figure of Ceasar: Cicero attributes to Caesar the virtue of clementia, which is the term used in Latin to represent mercy. Apparently he is the only one who, among all the military leaders, stood out for his goodness of soul, so noble that it is not enough to simply compare him to great men, but he must be judged similar to a god («haec qui faciat, non ego eum cum summis viris comparo, sed simillimum deo iudico»). That's basically everything I can give you about the topic. I would dive into it more by talking about the musical itself, analysing how this is connected to Odysseus' relationship with his morality, but then I would really be writing an essay here and now, which would ruin the order and logic of this very long text.

Let's move on to the next lyrics from 'Ruthlessness', from The Ocean Saga, which made me gasp so hard the first I heard them:

You are the worst kind of good 'cause you're not even great A Greek who reeks of false righteousness, that's what I have 'Cause you fight to save lives, but won't kill and don't get the job done

Speechless. Mind-blowing. The earth shook. You are the worst kind of good 'cause you're not even great Hello??? Sorry Ulysses, but Poseidon ate. 'Cause you fight to save lives, but won't kill and don't get the job done Like, where do I even start to talk about this. Poseidon is actually throwing the naked truth in Odysseus' face! Everything so far has a logic:

Zeus tells Odysseus that he has to kill Hector's son Astynax (which he does in the end, for the sake of going home)

Odysseus spares Polyphemus (maybe because of guilt? He is just a man, afterall...)

That mercy results in a literal god (Poseidon) wanting to have vengeance: if Odysseus had been ruthless, he would have put mercy upon himself (yeah that's a direct reference to the lyrics Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves)

Now we finally arrive at my favorite saga (aaaaa): The Circe saga. Starting from some very simple lyrics, but so impactful, from the 'Puppeteer':

But this was a hell of a twist, cause we are weak to a power like this What was it? A woman

Hell yeah, a woman! Clearly, you are just a man (another reference, got you!). Ok, return to serious talk. I think most of us know that women were often portrayed as bewitchers, source of evil and misfortune, in ancient times, especially in the Greek culture. Let's think about the story of Pandora's box: it is a myth narrated by Hesiod in the poem Works and Days. According to it, the first woman on earth, named Pandora, was gifted a jar by the gods. However, led by curiosity, she opened it and, by doing so, she released sickness, death and many other unspecified evils. She then closed the jar and only one thing was left behind: Hope. This story (one of many and one of the most famous) perfeclty exemplifies how women were considered dangerous and, at the same time, powerful, as bringers of evil.

Next, from the same saga, let me present to you the best lyrics from the song 'There Are Other Ways':

There are many ways of persuasion There are many modes of control Maybe showing one act of kindness Leads to kinder sould down the road

AAAAAAA. Circe you are such *incomprehensible adjectives of praise* woman. Here Circe basically gives Odysseus' morality hope, let me explain: until now we saw how Odysseus' kind soul and his mercy led him to antagonize a god, on the other hand (in theory) killing a child opened the doors for him to return home. From these observations the only "lesson" that can be deduced is that behaving like a "monster" is better than just "being a man" (yeah I love referencing). BUT Circe kind of destroys this reasoning, proving that a good soul can take him so far... aaaand of course it's a woman who does this

Moving on: The Underworld Saga, lyrics sung by our favorite prophet Tiresias:

I see you wife with a man who is haunting A man with a trail of bodies (who?)

This song? Chills. Literal Chills. The song in itself is a forshadowing, an oracle. I chose these lyrics specifically because they forshadow Odysseus' darkest moments in the journey, by specifically pointing out what he becomes: [...] a man who is haunting A man with a trail of bodies Who? Odysseus you ask. It's you. It's you in the future, and you know why it's "no longer you" (yeah, another quoting)? Because you will have lost your morality by then. Honestly? We kind of all expected that, sorry not sorry Odysseus.

And directly connected to that we have the lyrics from 'Scylla', from The Tunder Saga (it's orange because there is no yellow):

We are the same, you and I, I

Just this one final verse, so powerful. Odysseus encountered mermaids and was merciless with them, after that he went to the lair of Scylla. They are actually the same: monsters. Or at least, Odysseus has become like her.

And now, in The Wisdom Saga, we welcome back the badass of the arena: Athena! Let's hear what she wisely says in 'Little Wolf':

One young wolf has a larger heart than all these men combined

It's always the women guys. Athena's appearance to help Telemachus fighting the suitors is so crucial: her words and herself gift us that ray of hope and goodness that was lacking ever since The Underworld Saga. Here she refers to Telemachus, Odysseus' son, who is called a young wolf. While at the beginning of the song the suitors were using the term "little wolf" to basically mock him, Athena changes the connotation: he is not a little wolf, he is a just a young wolf, with a good soul and heart. Even a wolf (an animal) is more good-hearted than a man, but here who actually is the animal and who is the man? Athena, a godess, knows best.

Finally, The Vengeance Saga, from which the best song (almost cried listening to it) is, of course, 'Six Hundred Strike':

After everything you've done... ...how will you sleep at night? Next to my wife...

OMG. Literally OMG. Here, at the final showdown between Odysseus and Poseidon, our hero prevails. Poseidon asks: "After everyhting you've done... how will you sleep at night?". I don't know if my interpretation is right, but this is what I think Poseidon meant with his words:

after everything you've done (and been through) to get here... how will you sleep at night? -> will the trauma spare you?

after everything you've done as you became a monster... how will you sleep at night? -> will the guilt spare you?

And Odysseus just answers with a "Next to my wife", because that's what he wanted from the very beginning, to come home, and he will achieve his goal. His story is the story of a journey: obviously, a journey back home, but most importantly, a journey of someone who is 'Just a Man' (got you again with the reference). Odysseus is just a man, a human being who has encountered countless obstacles, who has had his ups and downs, who has thrown his morality into the sea to return home. And what is this, if not life?

[psalmicwitch]

Baneful Magic in Christian Witchcraft

There’s a LOT of Christian witches on spheres that aren’t tumblr (on here we’re sort of few!), namely reddit. And one misconception I keep seeing is that Christian witches don’t and can’t practice baneful magic.

For the record, I don’t, and if you’re a Christian witch (or any baby witch, really), I’d highly contemplate if cursing and hexing is a practice you really want to get into.

Why do people say you can’t practice baneful magic as a Christian witch? Couple of sources:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” – Mark 12:30-31

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD. – Leviticus 19:18

A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you also must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.” – John 13:34

That’s some super compelling scripture, huh?

Here’s some evidence to the contrary:

If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed. - Galatians 1:9

May their eyes be darkened so they cannot see, and their backs be bent forever. Pour out your wrath on them; let your fierce anger overtake them. - Psalm 69:23-24

Set thou a wicked man over him: and let Satan stand at his right hand. When he shall be judged, let him be condemned: and let his prayer become sin. Let his days be few; and let another take his office. Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow. - Psalm 109:6-9

The psalms are some of the most well recorded, oldest, pieces of magic text of all time. Literal curses are written into the Bible.

If you believe in biblical inerrancy, curses are woven into our sacred text, from the metaphorical mouth of God.

For the record, I don’t believe in biblical inerrancy, and I don’t practice baneful magic. But to blanket that statement and say that all Christian witches do not practice baneful magic is false. Christian witches have likely been weaving curses out of the psalms for centuries.

[thehousepatron]

Some Drow Poisons and Their Effects

The link is here: http://www.candlekeep.com/library/articles/poison.htm

Velkyn Ogglin (“Invisible Foe”)

This rare poison is taken from the toxin sacs of the uncommon *dakhree* fish that swims in certain Underdark lakes. The brewer must remove the sacs with gloves on his hands if he wishes to avoid being poisoned himself. The sacs are located all over the fish's six-inch body, and are tiny, requiring a steady hand and delicacy to remove effectively, hence the rarity. The dakhree fish hunts by rubbing against its prey, releasing the toxin onto its victim. On most fish, the effect is instantaneous, though humanoids take longer. At the time of onset, the poison causes the victim to convulse as the potent substance attacks his nervous system. The victim begins grand mal seizures and suffers spinal damage, his back arching and twisting violently as his body jerks involuntarily.

(This poison is probably (definitely) based on ‘Nux Vomica’, more colloquially known as ‘Strychnine’.)

Khaless (“Trust”)

This is the famous sleep-poison of the drow, used on their crossbow bolts to immobilize an enemy so that he can be killed at leisure. The active ingredient comes from the spores of the oloth'arr mushroom. While the mushroom itself is fairly common, harvesting the spores is not an effortless chore. Still, it is common enough to be almost trademark. The poison attacks the central nervous system, causing the victim to fall asleep.

(Probably based on Opium Poppies)

Belbol d’Elghinn (“Gift of Death”)

This powerful poison, greatly prized by drow nobles for assasination, is also known as Elash Elghinn, "Silent Death", after the venomous water serpent of the same name. The venom takes effect immediatelty, causing damage to the victim's blood vessels and causing dramatic and extensive hemorrhaging. Within minutes, the victim will gush blood from his mouth, eyes, nose and ears. He will have time to develop bruises all over his body before he mercifully dies. Drow find death caused by this venom to be particularly entertaining. However, there are certain individuals who seem to be immune to Belbol d'Elghinn, and upon whom it has no effect at all. However, when it does work it causes a spectacular (if regrettably short) show.

(Definitely based on Boomslang venom. Also the practice of taking self-administered and non-lethal doses of poisons to build immunity is called Mithridatism.)

Orbb’st Ssrin (“Spider’s Kiss”)

This poison is brewed from venoms of five different spiders. As all spiders are sacred to Lolth, the venoms must be carefully harvested without killing the spiders. All of the spiders used are huge in size, allowing for more easy harvest of the venom. The collected venoms are then dried to a powder and added to a strongly-flavored food or drink, as it does have a slight sour taste. The poison causes chills, fever and prostration for several hours, and, if not halted by a neutralize poison spell, does permanent damage to the body's immune system. This makes the victim more susceptible to disease and poison in the future

(Gonna guess and say a combo of bites from a Brown Recluse, Noble False Widow, Hobo Spider (and two other non lethal but painful types). I haven’t included the Black Widow in the list or the Funnel Web because their bites would be much worse than just causing sepsis.)

Golhyrr del’Ilharess (“Trap of the Matron”)

This poison is the flesh of the rare krashyll mushroom. Successful administering of this poison to one's enemies is seen as quite a victory of cuel'a'cul (the drow ritual of slowly, over time, destroying one's enemy while remaining blameless). It must be given in six stages, its poison slowly building in the body, in doses no more than a two tendays apart. Since drow are a suspicious race, it is easy to see why success with this poison is greatly admired, worthy of the twisted, centuries-long plots of the Matron Mothers. It's name also suggests that it requires the power and subtlety of a Matron Mother to use effectively. After administering the sixth dose, death will strike its victim in half an hour, causing the throat to suddenly close up in massive anaphylactic shock. The victim dies of asphyxiation within minutes.

(The two best known cumulative poisons are mercury and lead. Others are PCBs (which can accumulate in fish fat and skin) and dioxins (which can be formed from burning wood, oil, fuel etc and can infect meat).)

Part 2 Coming Soon

[chick-with-wifi]

The storyline and outfits of Mina Harker (League of Extraordinary Gentlemen)

We are introduced to Mina as a proper Victorian lady, polite and well dressed, who has been widowed for many years. (Please see the image descriptions for more details about her appearance.)

When the group meets with her former lover Dorian Gray in an attempt to recruit him, Mina learns about his immortality for the first time. This is demonstrated by her surprise when Quartermain corrects her assumption by saying, "Quite the reverse. It was Gray visiting Eton...and I was the boy."

During the fight with the Fantom's men, Mina witnesses his invulnerability when she cries out for him upon seeing him shot, but he is unharmed.

When the fight is over, a survivor threatens Mina with a knife to her neck. Revealing that she is a vampire, she brutally kills him.

Afterwards, she holds up a compact mirror. Vampires often don't have reflections and, since she is angling the mirror away from herself and Sawyer points out that she missed some blood, it is possible that she isn't looking at herself. She's looking at the others to see how they react to something she's kept so tightly under wraps for so long.

She puts her hair back up, wipes away the last spots of blood and politely comments, "excuse me", as if trying to return to the image of propriety, despite what they have just seen.

Although her display shocked the team, their reactions range from impressed (Nemo) to forced nonchalance (Sawyer) and curiosity (Skinner). Dorian claims this discovery is enough to renew his interest in joining the League - or rather, he's pretending it is new information for him since, as far as Mina is aware, he didn't know.

Aboard the Nautilus, Mina's appearance is slightly more relaxed.

When she and Dorian get some time alone, he tells her about the painting that ages instead of him and she asks when he last saw it. Having finally found someone like herself, and not just anybody but her ex she still has feelings for, she wants to know how long he's been alive.

Dorian offers her a nightcap and, when the glass breaks, she licks the blood off her fingers. For once she doesn't need to hide part of herself and this freedom adds to the eroticism of the moment for her.

When they arrive in Venice, Mina has both literally and metaphorically let her hair down, and is wearing a looser outfit.

During the chase, she does not hesitate to use the full range of her powers in front of her teammates, including transforming into a swarm of bats and climbing up the side of a building. Also in this scene, Quartermain declares that "the vampire lady has us covered!" which indicates he has moved past both his assumption that she is nothing but a distraction and his disapproval of her unladylike conduct.

Upon learning Dorian is the mole, Mina is furious and insists on killing him herself. ("Not Gray. He's lived long enough.") It is worth noting that the two of them were the only characters on first-name terms, but now she uses his surname.

Before the team go their separate ways for the final fight, they stack their hands on top of each other. Like Sawyer says in a deleted scene, M may have brought them together under false pretenses, but that was his mistake - bringing them together.

Mina is pre-emptively in her full vampire form. After keeping her powers secret or only using them for self-defense in the heat of the moment, she arrives ready to use them for premeditated murder. And during this fight, she doesn't hold back. She gives in completely to the vampiric nature she spent so long hiding. She uses all of her speed and agility, aiming for fatal strikes, and even tells Dorian, "Do you realize what you've done? What you've let out of me?"

Mina kills the one person who understood her experiences, who she wouldn't have outlived. And as he crumbles, she sees a reflection of what might one day happen to her if all the years she's lived, everything she's done, catches up with her.

At Quartermain's funeral, Mina is once again wearing her hat and veil. But this time, she is surrounded by people who know and accept her true self, even if they can't understand what it's like to be immortal. In response to Nemo saying he's done hiding and they are welcome to see the new century with him, she comments, "We've all been hiding in one form or another," using past tense, and follows him to the Nautilus.

[malacalico]

hi i'm back with a redesign

and i made a video talking about it :)

i also go on a bit of a tangent about genshin and women. schrodinger's sexism. where they are capable of writing some of the most interesting women ever and also simultaneously have the most reductive tropes imagineable.

what i neglected to talk about was genshin and gender! never directly addressed but ever present in the way that they're treated visually/narratively, until arlecchino. their decision to make her take on the role of "father" is interesting! never would you have imagined getting a gnc woman in genshin (if you don't think she is, that's fair, genshin didn't want to make her too masc), but then they give her the animal representation of the spider. spiders are very closely tied to femininity, what with the trope of the black widow, the female spider eating the male after mating. ofc, story wise, alrecchino took on a masculine persona to separate herself as much as possible from the false nurturing "mother" she had in crucabena, so it's hard to say if she herself personally identifies with masculinity. which is why i wonder if the spider's gendered symbolism was taken into account when making her, or if that's purely coincidence

in the end, genshin doesn't care to challenge notions of gender, so who's to say where they might've gone with that

[familyabolisher]

At times in the writing of wine history, wine itself has been treated as a historical actor. This is the case in many of the sweeping histories of wine, such as Hugh Johnson’s original Vintage: The Story of Wine, Paul Lukacs’s recent Inventing Wine, John Varriano’s Wine: A Cultural History, or Marc Millon’s Wine: A Global History. These lucid and entertaining histories, written by great narrators with serious wine expertise, follow a similar narrative arc. Wine is the central protagonist, the potable Zelig, popping up in different historical moments in different parts of the world. The story begins in the Fertile Crescent, where Wine is born, or in the ancient Mediterranean, where Wine enters a boisterous adolescence in the symposia and bacchanalia of the ancient Greeks. The reader is invited to pause and appreciate the wine-themed mosaic and shards of amphorae. The story then skips a few centuries and a few hundred miles, to medieval Europe (we are left to wonder what Wine has done in between), where Wine joins forces with powerful and institutionalized Christianity and canny monks create a patchwork of orderly clos on the Côte d’Or: bless them! Wine remains in France, or perhaps summers in Germany, and Bordeaux emerges in the seventeenth century, eventually finding its way to Britain (we are treated to a Samuel Johnson quote, or Pepys). Port and sherry have their seafaring adventures. The nineteenth century opens with Champagne surviving war, producing widows and conquering Russian markets; France produces Pasteur, who produces better wine, a triumph of science and the Enlightenment; wine is enjoying its golden years. Then, three-quarters of the way through this drama, tragedy strikes, in the form of the vine disease phylloxera. Wine is dealt a staggering blow and its very survival is threatened. Fortunately, a new world of scientists, mavericks, and neoliberal entrepreneurs emerge: capital is found, the plucky New World steps in to help, and new vines are grafted. Wine is saved! This cannot be criticized as being a Eurocentric narrative, because the tale concludes in California, or Uruguay, or China. Undeniably, at the conclusion of this story there is incredible momentum and optimism. Global wine production is the highest it has ever been, consumption of wine is high, and wine is (relatively) cheap. Were he a wine historian, Francis Fukuyama would declare it the end of wine history.

This hagiography of Wine is a great read: a mouth-watering tale of high drama, blind monks, and supple tannins. And it is not necessarily inaccurate. But it is, on the other hand, what British historians have called a Whiggish narrative: one that presumes continual progress, culminating in the current era, which is assumed to be the best ever. This Whiggishness may overlook some of the current difficulties in the market, or shrug off past problems in the wine industry, since all ended well. Geographically and chronologically it is uneven, such that the producers studied here generally do not merit inclusion until they have become major global actors. This type of narrative structure is what gives the false impression that South Africa produced a great wine called Constantia in the eighteenth century, and then produced nothing again until 1994. The place of Wine as the embattled protagonist who overcomes many hardships (vine diseases, consumer apathy, high taxation) and emerges triumphant and affordable in the late twentieth century, is also what is known in Marxist terms as “commodity fetishism.” As Bruce Robbins has argued, in the new commodity histories, “each commodity takes its turn as the star of capitalism.” The commodity itself, rather than the social and economic relationships that led to its production, becomes the driving force of the narrative.

Jennifer Regan-Lefebvre, Imperial Wine: How the Empire Made Wine's New World

[blackbullet99]

I don’t understand why Zutara shippers are so obsessed with hating Aang (or Kataang).

I understand they wish Zutara was canon, and that’s perfectly valid. I get why people ship it, and even though a good chunk of the toxic side of the ZK fandom say some pretty racist stuff, the ship is harmless. But the hate is vitriolic. You got to people like the-badger-mole, sokkastyles, longing-for-rain and they spend more time whining about Aang and his relationship with Katara than they talk about Zutara. They say the most objectively untrue stuff about Aang, Katara and Zuko as if making false claims about these characters is the only way to make their ship look good.

For example:

“Zuko did some bad things throughout the show, but Aang is worse because he never supported Katara and sexuality assaulted her. Not to mention Katara never had feelings for Aang, he was practically her son that she had to take care of”.

What ZKs actually sound like:

“Zuko did some bad things throughout the show, so we have to make Aang look worse by comparison to ensure that Zuko is a better match for Katara, despite his own problems, because surely a poorly timed kiss is the same is sexual assault. We falsely believe Aang never supported Katara because he didn’t agree with her seeking vengeance of the person who killed her mom, unlike Zuko who helped her out, meaning that one single episode must mean he’s the only one who supports Katara. Lastly, we have to find a way to make Katara’s obvious affection for Aang problematic, so let’s blow her motherly traits way out of proportion and say that any time she shows Aang affection, it’s a mom coddling her toddler, and yes Aang is a toddler because he’s BALD. So what that they kissed, they’re a mother and child. Also Katara emotionally supporting Aang is bad, she actually hates it. Dude trust me”.

They reason I bring this up is because I don’t understand why they have to be so bitter, it just makes them look pathetic that these people, some fully grown adults are so butthurt about a non-canon pairing from a 20 year old cartoon. Their media-illiterate ramblings don’t prove Aang and Katara are a bad couple, they just make it painfully obvious to anyone with a brain that these types of pathetic ZKs are just seething and coping.

Sure, you might say “I’m not one to talk” seeing as Kataang is canon, but let me tell you, I have my fair share of non-canon ships that I love.

I love Ichigo X Rukia, I think they have great chemistry and strong bond, I wish they were endgame, they felt like the heart and soul of Bleach. But I don’t hate Orihime, such a sweetheart (plus she gave us the Leekspin meme) her and Ichigo are cute, I just think Ichigo and Rukia are better.

I love Black Widow X Captain America from The MCU, they would’ve been a cute couple, they had good chemistry, they kissed for corn’s sake. I don’t care that much for Steve X Peggy, they’re kinda cute, but whatever, although I do really like Captain America’s ending. I don’t like Nat X Bruce, seeing as it came out of nowhere, but whatever, it didn’t last long anyway and I have nothing against either character.

If anything I’m more prone to getting annoyed when a beloved canon couple are broken up, all the build up thrown away and replaced with another character whom has less chemistry with the original. Case in point, Haley and Andy from Modern Family, they were so cute, they had great chemistry and there was so much build up, only for Andy to leave in the season where he and Haley become a couple. Then later Haley and her initial on again off again guy Dylan get together and I gotta say, I don’t like it. But I have nothing against the character, Dylan’s a sweet guy who genuinely loves Haley and matured a lot, and they’re in no way a bad or unhealthy couple, there are people who genuinely like them as a couple too. I do think Haley’s character was kinda done dirty, but that had absolutely nothing to do with what guy she ended up with.

The moral of this story is, you can like a non-canon ship and even dislike a canon ship without making up ridiculous reasons why and acting like a spoiled entitled brat like the vocal minority of ZeeK freaks from the the toxic side of the fandom.

[joyfullywizard]

Hi! You have very good detailed level-headed takes about Dracula adaptations. I appreciate it. Could you tell what people often misunderstand about Dracula adaptations or get wrong?

Hi! You are welcome and thanks for nice words. As for what people misunderstand or get wrong about adaptations….well…in my opinion it's the following:

1) In many cases when people discuss adaptations, it becomes quite clear that either a person didn't actually watch that many adaptations or sometimes didn't even watch the particular adaptations this person is talking about -and that's ok not to watch every single adaptation out there, unless there is some broad generalization being made about adaptations, while the person making such generalization watched like maybe 3 adaptations tops. And it's specially bizarre to discuss and make definite statements about particular adaptations, when you haven't actually watched them. That creates some really false or outlandish claims.

2) People often miss that adaptations are not made in a vacuum and often ignore the historic and social context and circumstances and morals which existed when particular adaptations were made. Like, for example,  I saw people being “why 1931 movie Dracula is like that? Why does he look like that? Why is it set in 1930s? Why Seward is aged up to be Mina’s father? Etc.”  And the truth is….there are pretty logical plain explanations for all of that. Great Depression in US prevented movie from  having a big budget, so they couldn’t set it in period setting of XIX c. as it would have been too expensive. At the same time they had a very successful popular play adaptation of Dracula on Broadway, which opened in 1927 – the play already set the events in then-present day. Again, for simplicity of staging and costs. So they took that play as foundation for 1931 movie and set events in 1930s. Dracula’s looks in 1931 movie? Came directly from the play-cape, tuxedo, widow’s peak and all. Bela Lugosi who played Dracula in 1931 movie also played Dracula on stage in that very play. Seward being aged up and being Mina’s father? Also came directly from the play. And they aged him up and made him the father again for play for  simplicity reasons-in order to have a smaller cast of characters, streamlining the plot and all existing good characters being very easily explainable to the audience. Why do the producers latched on the adapting play more than the novel? Because at that time it was fashionable in movie industry. The number of sound pictures of the various horror and mystery variety had preceded Dracula, including such stuff  as The Terror, Stark Mad, The Cat Creeps, The Bat Whispers, and The Gorilla. Most of these were adapted from Broadway plays in which the scary stuff was intermingled with comedy and anything that appeared paranormal was always revealed as the machinations of malevolent plotting human beings. 1931 Dracula movie on the other hand was  absolutely fresh in a way that while it was also based a lot on a play, the audience got a character  who was a real  vampire and not just another crook in disguise -and that’s also one of the reasons why  1931 movie gave Dracula more screen time. Cause play did it, yes, but also because movie version was supposed to properly convince moviegoers that Dracula actually was a purely supernatural character and not just another hoax.

Same thing was happening with other Dracula adaptations – there were always particular reasons stemmed from the time period and social context and cinematic and cultural trends, which affected how this or that adaptation was made. Basically, there are always  very concrete and plain explanations why certainly choices were made, and those are never simply “that screenwriter or director just woke up one day and decided to make that particular choice in adaptation just because”. Not to mention I saw that people sometimes treat Dracula adaptation as if some form of conspiracy exists behind them, and that’s simply not true and is  explained, again by  the historic, social, cultural  trends as well as by the commercial side of the things.

[profoundbondfanfic]

Hi! I was wondering if you could recommend some post-canon fics where Dean and Cas fix up a house together and basically live happily ever after? Thank you!

Hello! Yes, here are a few we've enjoyed!

A Second Grace by sometimeswelose [Mature, 26k words] (Cas is in the Empty for most of the fic, so they don't necessarily fix the house "together" but Cas eventually joins Dean and they get their happily ever after)

Cas dies and Dean starts referring to himself as a widower. This is somewhat confusing for everyone involved.

Best To See These True Colours (Than To Follow One Of Your False Virtues) by ImYourHoneyBee [Explicit, 34k words]

Two months after Team Free Will beats Chuck, Jack brings Cas back and Dean wants so badly to respond to Cas's confession in the dungeon, but to do that he needs to shed a lifetime of trauma, self hatred, and internalized homophobia. After moving in to a farmhouse with Cas, Dean secretly starts going to therapy every Thursday afternoon. He also starts working on getting the tattoos he always wanted in an effort to reclaim a body that he's only ever seen as a tool. or Cas stole Dean's favorite Zeppelin shirt, Dean steals it back, Cas steals it again. A shirt-theft war like nothing you've ever seen ensues. The entire family takes sides. Is it foreplay? Yes. Is it good clean family fun? Sometimes. Are Jack's god powers used unwisely in the name of the Zepp shirt battle? Yeah, probably. Is Dean messier than a sloppy joe? Nooooo, not at all.

Fenario by ftmsteverogers [Explicit, 47k words]

“We did good, Dean,” Sam says. “We got him back.” Dean huffs a hollow laugh, because yeah, that’s always what it’s about, isn’t it? Cas or Sam or Dean getting themselves lost or dead, and then taking turns dragging each other back from the brink. He shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets. “We got him back, yeah,” he says. Sam nods, watching him. “So now what?”

Kriah by ioascc [Explicit, 54k words]

Dean can do this. He can. He can raise Jack Kline, Lucifer’s baby. No, not Lucifer’s… Cas’ kid. Their kid. With his mother gone, and Castiel dead, Dean finds himself hanging on by a thread. Castiel has died so many times on him, Dean is half-convinced himself that Cas will return to him. Dean evades the pain of the truth, carrying on in false hope until his soul renders into a million pieces. He learns quickly that taking care of a newborn is not for the faint of heart, sleep-deprivation, grief, and feedings rule most of the early days. During this time, Dean is forced to build a new life for himself. With a new name and identity change, Dean becomes a Dad. Something Castiel would be proud of. Dean cooks, he cleans, he reads, he sings his ABCs and 123s, and ultimately Dean does his best for Jack. It’s not until Jack grows into a small child that Dean feels like he can breathe again. The grief no longer suffocates him. His new life has meaning. He sees family and he allows himself to miss Castiel. To mourn him, to love him in death. And when Jack goes to school, Dean is once again reunited with friends and enemies from his past.

Talk Some Sense To Me (Kenopsia) by ImYourHoneyBee [Explicit, 244k words]

Scrambling to his knees Castiel hugs back, burying his face in Dean’s neck, breath coming in fast little pants against his skin. Dean closes his eyes and just breathes him in, barely able to believe that this is real. At any other time in his life, closing his eyes against a threat like Death would be an inexcusable lapse in his hunter’s judgement. Right now, he doesn’t give a single fuck. Death can reap him for all he cares, he’ll die knowing Cas is going to be ok. Alive. “I will see you soon, Dean,” Death tells him, that deliberate voice of his soft enough not to intrude on the intimacy of the moment, “Raincheck on that grilled cheese.” “Thank you,” Dean croaks, propping his chin up on Cas’s shoulder, unmindful of the tears trickling down his cheeks, “Thank you.”

take the bones, begin anew by JustStandingHere [Mature, 103k words]

“What else was I supposed to say, Sam?” Dean asks him. “I’m not...look, Cas is my best friend, and I care about him. That’s it.” “And you renovated a house for him,” Sam continues. “And live with him.” or: a year in the life, in which it takes some time, but they figure it out

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden [Explicit, 95k words] (it was written before s15, so it's not canonical, but it does feature post-canon and dean and cas fixing up a house!)

Three months ago, when Dean decided to retire, he thought his life was going to end up differently. He'd thought that he might get to have it all, Sam, Cas, Jack, and nice little place to live. Instead he gets Sam and Jack off on their Summer of Love Tour, radio silence from Cas, and a never-ending road trip consisting of himself. Still reeling from the loss of his grace, Castiel travels the country in search of hunts. Driven by a need to prove his usefulness, he pushes himself beyond all limits of endurance. Together, with the help of a few friends, a crumbling Victorian house, and a stray cat, Dean and Castiel patch themselves back together and create a home together.

There's Only One Sure Thing That I Know by blinkiesays [Explicit, 20k words ] (it's not post-canon but they get a house together)

Dean doesn't even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby's point: he's faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he's been defeated by the God damn Midwest.

[gravitasmalfunction]

It's Friday afternoon, time for brainrot!

Ok, so, the fic I am not writing is Story of Kunning Palace, post-canon/AU where Xie Wei dies in the end, Jiang Xuening/Zhang Zhe, second chance/slow burn so slow glaciers have moved faster than this. We're talking 20 years before they next find themselves in a room alone together, let alone in a bed. I do not have the knowledge or the skill to write it but here is how it would go:

Xie Wei doesn't actually survive the thwarted rebellion. Xuening spends every minute with him in his final week or so before sepsis carries him off. She refuses all help and takes sole responsibility for nursing him. The canon epilogue is the little fairytale she weaves for him as he lays dying. Her sister Xuehui and the princess can't do anything much during these days except take care of Xuening as best they can and watch in horror as the newly-widowed Xuening loses herself in grief.

The doctor treating Xuening for exhaustion also notes that she is pregnant. Unable to take care of herself, without any material or family support from her dead baby daddy ("Xie Wei" was a false identity after all, and he didn't exactly leave her with any cash), and absolutely flat out refusing to have anything to do with her bio family with the exception of her sister, Xuening is on track to be a homeless single mum. Xuehui and Shen Zhiyi decide they will step up and take responsibility for preventing this disaster. Together they convince Fang Miao and Shen Jie to agree to a plan which is extremely unconventional but might just work to save Xuening and her child.

This is how Xuening, bereaved, pregnant and still stubborn to the core, finds herself married, very quietly and with a minimum of fuss, to Shen Jie. Again. Truly some parts of history cannot be escaped!

Xuehui's idea, which Shen Jie/Lord Linzi and his official wife Fang Miao are on board with, is that Xuening is brought into the household so she can live with Xuehui as long as she needs to, and her child gets the protection of being officially acknowledged by Lord Linzi. When she's ready to move on and restart her life, Shen Jie will officially divorce her and send her off with best wishes and a small fortune so she and the kid can live in comfort.

Shen Zhiyi also get official permission to move in with her brother, but really to be closer to and take care of Xuening. After all, Xuehui is also pregnant and wildly in love with her husband, who presumably wants to spend time with her, even if he says he doesn't mind that she's spending so much time with her poor sister. Also, having Princess Leyang join the household helps distract a bit from the scandal of the prince marrying two sisters from the same family. And inside the household, Shen Zhiyi is a comfortable point of focus for Xuening and Fang Miao. It's like study group all over again. There are worse fates, amirite?

Xuehui was the woman on the spot when Xuening lost it after Xie Wei died, but Zhiyi takes the lead when Xuening gives birth and the post-natal depression kicks in. Xuening is adamant that everything would be better if she just killed herself and left her newborn daughter in the care of her sister and Lord Linzi but Zhiyi will have none of that.

Roughly three years of solid angst since the failed coup, Xuening's depression finally lifts. She's safe and cared for in a household of people who love her, with a bright and bubbly toddler who is second miss to her cousin, first miss, and as inseparable from her little cousin as the sisters they are supposed to be. Maybe this was the point all along, to change the future not to save herself, but to give it to the next generation. Maybe their kids can be the sisters Xuening and Xuehui never got the chance to be themselves.

Meanwhile: Zhang Zhe. He has not seen Xuening since the attack on the palace. He woke up from his own injuries to find a couple of maids attending him, but they wouldn't say who sent them and he dismissed them as soon as he was well enough to haul his own water again. He spends his three years of mourning for his mother also horribly depressed, then to find some relief from it when he is finally allowed back to his official post.

So that's the set-up.

Next is fifteen-odd years of slow burn, in which Jiang Xuening and Zhang Zhe occasionally meet when circumstances bring them to the same social function, and the rest of the time they both spend just generally being aware of the course of each other's lives, even though each of them has independently decided not to interfere with the other, out of the high esteem and regard they have for them (idiots).

Zhang Zhe's career resumes, and he keeps refusing to marry.

Lord Linzi, who doesn't like politics but will be convinced to act out of duty, finds a natural ally in Zhang Zhe, who loves duty and also hates politics but is slowly learning to be more pragmatic about it.

Xuening keeps busy with her various businesses and investments and other projects, and as a result she finds it convenient to continue in Lord Linzi's household, even after Princess Leyang gets politicked back into the palace some years later, when Xuening's daughter is about 6 or 7 (two Shen siblings under the same roof? Unacceptable! What if they conspired against the throne? Get Leyang back into the harem post-haste).

Somebody keeps sending imperial exam candidates from the middle of nowhere to Zhang Zhe's house in the city, and as a result Zhang Zhe finds himself mentoring scholars of modest backgrounds, like himself, who will go on to be like-minded officials.

Xuening takes her daughter and often Xuehui's kids to go visit the princess in the palace, and the kids get the opportunity to socialise with their cousin, the baby emperor.

Zhang Zhe's career continues to progress, and he still refuses to marry but as he gets older the subject of his marriage doesn't come up as often as his friends and colleagues realise it's a lost cause.

Lord Linzi invites Zhang Zhe to spend more and more time socially at his mansion, but fucks it up when he suggests that Zhang Zhe could have carte blanche to visit whenever he liked for whatever reason (say, to visit Xuening) and offends Zhang Zhe so thoroughly that Zhang Zhe stops visiting altogether, and Xuehui has to go out of her way to manufacture an opportunity to call on Zhang Zhe and explain the crucial backstory that he's missing (that Lord Linzi takes Xuening as a sister only, the "marriage" is a convenient fiction, and Xuening's daughter is Xie Wei's, not Shen Jie's)

Zhang Zhe, now having the correct context for why Lord Linzi was trying to set him up with his own wife, resumes accepting invitations to visit Lord Linzi at home. He still refuses to entertain any intimate relationship with a woman. But he does now sometimes ask Xuening for investment advice.

Xuening is making more money than god by this point, and finds Zhang Zhe's investment goals hilariously tiny, but gives him serious advice anyway.

At this point I actually have a couple of thousand words drafted of Zhang Zhe accompanying Lord Linzi's family on a country stay, and Fang Miao taking the initiative to gently drop hints about Xuening's happiness and compatibility with Zhang Zhe, and the intra-sibling squabbling going on between the eldest boy/third young master, who is going into the palace to be the emperor's study partner, and Xuening's second young miss, who feels she should be the emperor's study partner instead, and is taking an altogether too-vicious glee in "helping" teach her third brother to be obedient and rule-abiding for when he goes into the palace. This is because I am setting up Xuening's daughter to be the next empress to continue the theme of all the nice things Xuening's generation couldn't have being realised in the next generation. (Nobody think too hard about how the palace system is inherently oppressive and awful, please, of course Xuening's daughter will have a great time being empress and be the exception to the norm, lalalalalala--)

Zhang Zhe spends increasing amounts of time with Lord Linzi's family as the kids get older and more interested in having a learned uncle available whenever they want. But he never spends any time alone with Xuening, obviously. To the point where even the kids notice it, and Xuening's daughter even says outright one day, when called out by her mother for moping and sighing with boredom: "I can't leave because you haven't finished talking with Uncle Zhang!" (busted!)

Xuening's daughter and the emperor progress from childhood friends to betrothed as the regency is winding up and the emperor comes of age (again don't think too hard about the emperor getting engaged to a girl who is nominally his cousin even though secretly they are not related by blood, lalalalalalala, etc)

The wedding finally comes around, Xuening's daughter enters the palace, and Xuening finally asks Shen Jie for a divorce and retires to the countryside

If you are still reading by this point, congratulations, this is where it goes from slow to burn.

Xuening is minding her own business in her little cottage in the countryside when Zhang Zhe turns up by himself on her doorstep

Xuening hands him a basket and immediately turns him around and sends him out to get firewood

When he comes back they keep busy preparing a meal, and then eating it, and then it's dark and there's no moon and the inn is quite some distance away, so it would be sensible for Zhang Zhe to stay the night really, but, there's only one bed...

[cue flashback to another cottage in another life where there was an empress and her loyal subject and only one bed]

Xuening offers him the bed, Zhang Zhe refuses politely, Xuening refuses his refusal and points out she's old now, and she's been married before and it's not a big deal. To which Zhang Zhe rebuts that she is not so old, and he hasn't been married ever, and it is his first time in a lady's bed. Somehow this turns into a proposal, and acceptance. Now they're married they can share the bed.

That's all they do, though, just share the bed. Well, and hold hands under the covers.

The following night Zhang Zhe finally loses his virginity.

The next week he goes down to the village and get materials to build a second bed, because sleeping in the same bed when you're middle-aged is less romantic than it sounds. But don't worry, they're still fucking like three times a day.

After a month or two they leave the little cottage and find a modest residence in town, because hauling firewood and fetching water is a young person's game, and buying plump, fresh vegetables from the market is infinitely more satisfying than digging all day and then waiting for weeks for the stringiest, toughest, most bitter greens one has ever tasted in their life.

The townsfolk gradually accept there is now an eccentric retired official in town (the local magistrate is on his best behaviour now), with his equally eccentric wife (generous to a fault with her neighbours, will not pay a single penny more than best price at the market no matter how much arguing is required to get there).

The only thing I am left undecided on is whether Xuening should find herself pregnant again at the ripe old age of forty-(mumble) and be delivered safely of a healthy young son, or whether they live happy and childless ever after, either way with the blessing of and to the delight of everyone who knows them.

Anyway, that's the extremely short version of the brainrot, and the end of my free afternoon. If you read this far, thanks for bearing with me and I hope you were entertained!