#and also omg letter?!?! for me?!?! very much looking forward to reading it

[sugarsnappeases]

YOU FINISHED THE LAST ESSAY OF YOUR TERM WOOOOOOO I AM SO PROUD (also in the middle of replying to ur letter mwah!! <333)

AAAAAAAAA MY FAVOURITE MAN!!!!!!! love him so deeply thank you so so much for this and also AAAAAA YAY!!!!! i am DONE for the term it’s so good and it was a fun essay as well it was on this catalan poet vicent andrés estellés so it was all v good vibes

[trippinsorrows]

looking through your eyes + three

authors note: wow! omg, thank you all so much for the kind words of support for this story! it really does mean a lot to me, cause i know the content is pretty heavy.

also, if anyone has read the acotar series, i imagine the dynamic between roman and the twins to be a bit similar to the bat boys. and yes, we'll def see more of the twins moving forward.

in addition, if you want to be tagged, you have to explicitly ask as such. the last thing i want to do is tag someone i thought wanted to be tagged and didn't, and they end up triggered. :(

if any cw/tw’s are missed, please let me know, and i will add them!

cw/tw: language, violence against women, trauma responses (nightmares/night terrors), hints at suicidal thoughts, references to traumatic past

song inspo: 'looking through your eyes’ by leann rimes

words: 9k

Roman doesn’t come back until the wee hours of the morning, and he’s out the house again before the sun is even up.

Solana knows all of this because she doesn’t sleep that night.

It’s not for lack of trying. She spends nearly two hours twisting and turning before finally accepting that sleep isn’t in the cards for her. She instead finds herself sitting on the floor of her bathroom, door locked, writing away in her journal. No letter to mom this time, just pure word vomit, all of her thoughts and feelings about everything that’s transpired. 

There’s as many tears as there are words, and like always post–writing, she feels a tad bit better. The best and only release she ever has is in her written word, all of the things she could never say aloud, melted from her head and sealed into paper.

When she’s done writing, Solana opts to read a book in her Kindle Library. Doing so makes her realize that she still doesn’t have her stuff from back home. It’s not that she has a lot, but the items she was told to pack just for the first few nights will only last just that—for a few days.

But, Solana doesn’t think it’s a good idea to ask Roman about that. She doesn’t think it’s a good idea to ask him for anything, not after she’s clearly and understandably upset him. She’ll just….she’ll just have to make do until it's noticed she's essentially living out of a suitcase. 

And Solana has a thought, an idea, that getting up early to fix him breakfast could be a good thing, something to tame his anger toward her. It’s the least that she can do.

But one look around Roman’s massive kitchen indicates he’s every bit the stereotypical bachelor. There’s only a couple of ingredients, not enough of anything to make an actual meal. There’s also a lot of “meal prep” meals, which makes sense. She can imagine he’s insanely strict with his diet and fitness. One can’t look like Roman Reigns without an intense amount of focus and dedication.

It makes her wonder just what kind of dietary restrictions and preferences she’ll have to learn about him to make meals that he can actually consume. Another question she needs to ask but doesn’t know how or when considering he already has very little to no interest in having anything to do with her.

It’s another thing she knows she’ll have to figure out but tries her best to focus on anything else besides the fact that she’s now married to a man who can’t stand her, the same man her family wants her to somehow assassinate.

Yes…..other things is a much better seat filler.

Solana briefly wonders how she’s going to get to work considering her car is still back at her dad’s house, but just when she’s considering calling an Uber, she’s met in the living room of Roman’s massive estate by none other than his right hand man and cousin.

Solo Sikoa 

All he says is, “ready?” And she realizes that this is how she’s to get to work, that he is to escort her. Him and another set of large men, guards as she realizes. A separate set of guards, not the ones who roam and patrol Roman’s mansion. 

Being around so many men….it’s a different kind of experience. Leaning more on the side of uncomfortable than anything. 

But, she’s at least a bit more at ease when Solo only opens the door to the back of the SUV and doesn’t join in, instead sitting in the passenger seat.

She's grateful for that.

Solo is almost the same exact person as his cousin. Large, strong, stoic and scary as hell. The only difference is that she’s not sure Solo is capable of sentences that include more than 1 to 3 words.

It’s obvious he’s not thrilled about being assigned as her personal guard, and she can’t blame him. There can’t be anything exciting about watching her boring life and making sure nothing happens to her during said boring life.

But Solana can’t deny there’s a small part of her that feels a small sense of comfort at having someone to look out for her. Even if she partially questions his loyalty to said job. Something happening to her wouldn’t do anything to anybody. At all. 

She’d just….cease to exist.

And lately….that hasn’t seemed like the worst thing ever. 

But, it’s when she arrives at work, goes into her office to start to prepare for the work day only to find her brother already waiting that that comfort is obliterated.

“Sis.” Wes' smile is tight and inauthentic, his eyes darting between her and Solo. “Sorry to scare you. I was just hoping we could talk.”

Talk….

Wes never wants to talk to her, not unless it’s him berating and screaming while he beats the shit out of her. 

“Alone.” He gives Solo a faux sympathetic expression. “Family things….you understand, I’m sure.”

Solana doesn’t know if Solo understands or he doesn’t, but she does know that Wes' kind and friendly tone is all smoke and mirrors. She knows he’s pissed that he didn’t catch her off-guard, didn’t catch her alone, that he couldn’t corner her like he always does.

And for a second, Solana believes she’s safe, knows that Solo won’t let Wes lay a hand on her. It’s….it’s his job to keep her safe, right?

But just as that hope is present, it’s extinguished by the reality she knows is inescapable. Solo won’t be with her 24/7. She won’t be protected forever. She’ll eventually be around both Wes and her father alone. And the price she’ll have to pay for denying him in this moment….

It’s not worth it. 

Roman’s words to her father about not touching her are nice in theory, but she knows better. Xavier Miller does what he wants, regardless of what’s said and by who.

“O–of course,” Solana mumbles, fingers dancing at the side of her pants. She turns to Solo. “Please….give us a few minutes.”

For the first time since she’s met him, Solo actually shows some type of emotion. It still stems from anger, maybe a branch of irritation, but it's still something different. “Tribal Chief said I’m supposed to watch you, so that’s what I do.”

She swallows. This is going to require a level of assertiveness that’s almost foreign if not non-existent. “I–I understand, but….Wes is my brother. He—” It’s almost impossible for her to even get the words out. “He would never hurt me.”

Solana almost immediately wants to vomit. That’s all this man has ever done. 

At least since the murder of their mother. 

Solo is struggling but wavering, she can see as much, so she continues. “It’s okay,” she assures, even mustering up a small smile. “Please….just a couple minutes. I won’t—I won’t say anything to Roman.”

Solo still looks torn but eventually agrees, leaving her alone with one of two men who hate her most on this earth. 

The door is barely closed when Wes has her pinned against the wall, hand slapped over her mouth, a knife pressed to the base of her throat.

“You stupid bitch, don’t think for one second that being married to Reigns changes shit,” he snarls. “He doesn’t give a fuck about you. He just doesn’t like people messing with his possessions.”

Solana knows all of this, knows that anything Roman may do that seems to be for her benefit is just him asserting his dominance. She doesn’t need to be reminded of this. 

“Wes, you’re hurting me.” She suddenly feels so stupid saying that, telling him what he already knows. Of course, he is. That’s the whole point. Still, she stupidly believes she can plead to whatever humanity is left in him. If any. “P–please.”

“Shut up,” he hisses, shoving her head against the wall. Solana winces quietly, mindful of Solo who stands outside the door because of her. Because she told him to, because she welcomed this violence onto herself.

“Reigns told dad you won’t be available for a couple weeks, so I suggest you start doing what you need to do to change that. We need to be able to communicate with you.”

This startles her. Why would Roman say that? Did Roman say that? Wes is a master manipulator, and she doesn’t put it past him to be playing mind games.

“I—I don’t know what you want me to do.” And it’s true. Solana has no idea what to do in any of this, how she’s supposed to kill a man who’s more or less impossible to kill, how she’s supposed to win his favor when it’s obvious she already annoys him. It’s all so confusing and overwhelming.

“Did you fuck him last night?”

It’s a question she hoped no one would ask, didn’t believe would be asked because there’s no one who would care enough except for Roman himself.

And while Solana knows being dishonest with her brother won’t turn out well, in this moment, she doesn’t know how he’ll respond if she tells the truth.

So, she lies. She lies to live to see another day, for what reason, she doesn't know. It’s not as if any other day will provide her some sense of solace or security. But, it’s just what she does. 

“Y–yes.”

Wes looks understandably pleased. “Good.” She gaps in fear when he drags his knife against her skin, gently trailing it across, just light enough to avoid drawing blood. “That’s all you’ve ever been good for us for anyway.”

A frown falls upon her face. What….what does that mean?

“Just keep contact open, you understand?” No, she doesn’t, but she has no choice but to pretend that she does. Nodding, Wes shoves her into the wall one more time at an angle that causes her shoulder to take the impact. Wincing, she holds onto it as he releases her and walks out the door. “Don’t fuck this up, Solana.”

Easier said than done. Much easier said than done. 

It’s when he leaves her alone that the tears pool in her eyes. But, it’s when Solo walks in, studying her that she sniffles and wipes at her eyes. “I–I’m fine.”

She’s not.

She’s far from fine. 

————

The day ends up slightly, maybe even moderately, improving. It’s to be slightly expected though as it’s Monday, the day that Solana runs her reading club with the younger kids. It’s always a highlight to see their bright, smiling faces, answering all of their fifty million questions.

It’s a break from a very bleak reality that is her life, immersing herself in their world of pretend and minimal worries.

Sometimes, she finds herself a bit jealous. Jealous that they still have their innocence, that their view of the world hasn’t been painted in red and blood like hers.

But, it’s when Solana is in the back taking her break, journaling, that that improvement takes a deep dive. Because a single knock on the door is followed by the large intimidating frame of her husband entering her space. 

Naturally, her stomach knots. She hasn’t seen Roman since last night, since he helped and scolded her in the same brief timespan. She understands it though and doesn't entirely disagree with what he said.

She’s far from the perfect picture of mental stability. 

Swallowing, Solana stands up and opens her mouth to address him when his eyes go from her face to her wrist. Following his line of vision, she sees why. There’s a blueish/greenish obvious bruise starting to form, beyond that initial point of formation really. It's just a straight up, fully developed bruise.

Roman slowly walks over to her and reaches for her arm. Solana naturally tenses. He hesitates for a second but still takes her wrist, lifting it so that it's at her eye level but still close enough for him to assess. 

She closes her eyes and acts quickly to think of an excuse. “I—umm—”

“Who?”

His voice is quieter than she anticipated and as much as she wishes she doesn't know what he means, Solana knows exactly what he’s asking. She just doesn’t answer. 

“I’m only going to ask you this one time and one time only.” His brown eyes are burning into her as he perfectly enunciates each word. “Who fucking touched you?”

Solana winces at his tone but eventually answers. “Wes....”

Roman drops her hand, and Solana brings her arms to her chest, head dropped. 

He’s pissed. 

That seems to be the only emotion he experiences around her, because of her.

His nostrils are flared as he demands. “Where was Solo?” 

Making him wait for a response is clearly something that sets him off even more, so Solana does her best to answer in a timely manner. “I—I asked him to leave. Wes….Wes didn’t want him in the room.”

“Of course, he fucking didn’t. Why would you—” Roman pinches his nose. A day. It’s been less than 48 hours, only a day in, and this marriage shit already has him fucking stressed out. Being married to this damn girl is like having a fucking child to look after. “From now on, I don’t give a fuck what your idiot brother and poor excuse of a father tell you, you’re not to be alone with them.” Roman’s command is a lot easier said than done. Denying her father or brother has never done her any favors. Solana isn’t sure how to verbalize this to the man in front of her who’s already six different shades of annoyed. “I thought I made that clear to them at the wedding, but obviously, they need a reminder.”

Solana feels every bit the scolded child, murmuring a quiet, “I’m sorry…”

Roman looks at her, and for a slither of a second, maybe even less than that, he feels bad for her. Feels bad because it’s clearly not her fault that she’s so fucked up. With a dad and brother like Xavier and Wes, what chance did she have?

He then briefly wonders about her mother, wonders what the dynamic was like there. But that’s a short lived trail because his mind then goes to his own mother. 

And Roman can’t have that, can’t go down that road for a variety of reasons, reasons that may not be that different from Solana’s. 

“Send me your work schedule.” Redirection is always a good strategy. That and fucking. Obviously, only one is an option for the woman in front of him. 

Panic builds in Solana’s stomach. Why does he want that? Her mind starts to race, arriving at only negative conclusions. Does he want her to quit? That thought kills her. 

Working at the library is the highlight, the only highlight, of her days. She doesn’t know what she would do without that outlet. 

“It won’t get in the way of my duties to you.” Solana typically isn’t the one to advocate for herself. Ever. But this….she can’t lose this, and it scares her to think of what mental decline could happen if she does. Nothing good. That’s for certain. “I—I can get up early and–and make your breakfast and meal prep lunch. A–and I’ll make sure your dinner is ready too by the time you come home—”

Rubbing his temple, exasperated, Roman asks, “what are you talking about?”

She’s not above begging. In a pleading tone, she begs, “please don’t make me quit my job.”

Roman isn’t quite sure what to make of the fact that the most words he’s heard leave Solana’s mouth are practically her begging to keep her job. He can understand it though. He would bet that her only time away from her family was when she was at work. “You can work as little or as much as you want. I don’t care about that.”

His words create instant relief. “Oh–I’m sorry, I thought—”

Roman runs his hand over his face. “You don’t have to apologize for everything.”

“Sor—” Solana drops her head as he exhales. Loudly. It’s not even noon, and he’s already over and done with this damn day.

“What time do you get off today?”

Solana licks her lips, answering. “Three.”

“I’ll meet you then.”

He can see she wants to ask but has decided against it, most likely recognizing his irritation. “We need to get your stuff from that house.” 

And in the midst of her anxiety in this conversation, she finds a glimmer of hope. She’s thankful that this isn’t something she had to initiate to ask him about.  

Something tells her Roman doesn’t like being questioned a lot.

Or at all.

“O–okay.” Is the answer she finally settles on, not wanting to say too much, vowing, “I’ll make sure I’m done by 3pm sharp.”

On one hand, Roman enjoys and respects punctuality, but something tells him Solana’s is based more on fear than anything. “Whenever is fine.”

Nodding and pushing her hair behind her ear, Solana watches Roman walk over to the door, preparing to leave when he asks, “is your brother right handed or left handed?”

His question takes her off guard, and she doesn’t quite know why he’s asking this in the first place. “W-what?”

Roman clearly doesn’t like repeating himself, because his tone takes on an edge. “Is he right handed or left handed?”

Solana swallows. She’s made him mad. Again. “R–right.”

Without another question, he leaves. And once the door shuts, he snaps at Solo, demanding, “why the fuck did you leave her alone with him? I told you to watch her!”

Roman knows his cousin well enough to know that Solo is doing a brilliant job masking his embarrassment at his failure. “She said—”

“I don’t care what she says. You don’t answer to her. You answer to me. Understood?”

Solo keeps his head high, acknowledging, “yes, my Tribal Chief.” Roman wastes no time in exiting the library and entering the SUV waiting for him, slamming the door shut. He pulls out his phone, selecting one of his most recent contacts, hitting dial. 

Jey answers on the third ring, but he’s immediately yelling to someone else, “slam my door one more fucking time, Nicki, and see what happens!” Roman’s jaw clenches, another new source of irritation being presented to him. “Ayo, Uce, now’s not a good time—”

“I don’t care.” Roman’s hot headed cousin and his equally hot headed wife arguing is nothing special. The fight. They fuck. They make up. And do it all over again. It’s not pressing news or even news at all at this point. “The Miller boy. Send him a message. A clear message.”

“I’ve got—”

“Did you hear what I just said?” There must be something in the air or the water, because Roman having to repeat himself is fucking asinine. He speaks once, and everyone should jump immediately. The fact that that isn’t happening is only pissing him off more. “And his right hand…make sure it’s broken.”

Jey sighs on the other end of the phone. “Aight. Me and Jimmy will have it done by the end of the day.”

Roman ends the phone call before his cousin can feed him any more excuses. Head tilted back against the headrest, he tries to settle himself. This day so far has been nothing but inconvenience after inconvenience. 

There’s nothing that pisses him off more than having to repeat himself, having conversations extend longer than they should, and that’s all this day has been thus far. He’s had to over explain and reiterate himself more than Roman feels necessary. 

And the day isn’t even halfway over. 

He needs an outlet.

Roman switches apps, finding one of his more recent contacts and sending out a message. 

Roman: Come over tonight. 

As expected, her reply comes almost right away. 

Samantha: Lol. That didn’t take long.

Samantha: See you then.

————

Solana always struggles with a level of anxiety when entering the home she grew up in. For a myriad of reasons. Most, if not all, being completely valid. Nothing good has ever happened for her in that place. And more often than not, she’d barely be in the house for more than a couple of minutes before she was either being berated or beaten.

Usually both.

But this…..this is different. A lot different, because she’s not walking into hell alone, she’s walking along (behind) Bloodline guards and the 6’3, pure muscled leader of said Bloodline. 

Roman Reigns.

Who also happens to be her husband.

Playing around with the wedding ring on her finger, Solana tries again to remind herself that this is real, that she’s married, that she’s married to Roman Reigns of all people. 

The reality definitely hasn’t set in.

Roman is about to knock on the door again when it swings open. Solana naturally steps back, something Roman takes notice of.

Xavier looks pissed, his fiery gaze landing on her first, but just as quickly as it was present, it's gone, settling into an almost pleasant smile. Directed at Roman, of course.

“Tribal Chief,” he greets. Solana’s gaze is on the ground now, focused on her painted toes instead of the man before her who she’s certain would be unleashing hell on her if not for the multitude of much larger, much stronger men surrounding her. “I wasn’t expecting—”

“I don’t care,” Roman interrupts, voice reeking of indifference. “She needs to go get her stuff.”

“Oh.” Solana can only imagine the difficulty her father is having in not throwing a fit. “Well, we can arrange for it to be delivered—”

“No.”

She means more to think it than to say it, but that intention falls short, because she definitely says it aloud.

And most of her regrets it, but there’s a small slither that doesn’t.

Solana knows her father. She knows him very well. 

Roman has done nothing but piss him off from the very beginning of this whole ordeal, pushing and pushing him. And Solana has always been the object of her father’s anger, but Roman seems intent on making sure that doesn’t happen. 

That means he’ll have to get creative with his punishments.

If he can’t hurt her, he’ll go after the things she loves. 

The few items in that home that she holds near and dear, items that belonged to her mother.

She knows he would dispose of them all so that all that would be retrieved by the movers would be clothes.

And the thought of the only things she has of her mother being discarded like trash makes her sick to her stomach.

She can’t give him that opportunity. 

Looking up, she’s met with two sets of eyes on her. One indicating irritation and the other, curiosity. Swallowing, she stutters, “I’m sorry. I—”

“No.” Roman’s interruption is stark and to the point. “We’re already here. She gets it now.”

“But—”

“Move.”

Xavier’s jaw ticks, but he does as such, stepping to the side. Roman looks back at Solana, motioning for her to walk in. 

Instantly, she’s going to the key holder. She has to make sure she gets her mother’s stuff before anything. But, the key to the attic, the key that’s sat in the same spot since she was a girl, is suddenly missing.

Her stomach drops. 

Without hesitation, she turns to her dad, asking, “wh—where’s the key to the attic?”

Solana knows before he even says anything that she’s not going to like his answer. She just doesn't realize just how much she’s not going to like his answer.

“Oh, I put it in your old room on the dresser.” Solana’s chest is immediately tight, her stomach dropping. Xavier gives that sly smile and little shrug. “Figured there’d be some things you’d want to grab as well.”

It’s hard for Solana to not start crying right then and there, standing between her father and her husband. Two men who dislike her for very different reasons. 

And maybe dislike isn’t a strong enough word to describe the feeling her father has toward her. Because one has to have an inhuman level of vitriol toward another individual to put her in the situation he just did.

That room….Solana hasn’t been in that room in years and planned to never enter it again for as long as she lived. And he knows that. Knows that there’s nothing in there she wants. Knows that she’d rather walk on burning coal barefoot than enter that space of horrific memories and unspeakable horrors. 

“I–I—”

“Is something wrong?”

Roman, watching this whole exchange closely, is instantly annoyed. It’s obvious something is wrong, there’s some story with this old room of hers, because she looks just as terrified as she did last night. And something about this pisses him off all over again, because this man is still trying to defy his orders, still trying to find ways to inflict his torture without lifting a finger. 

“Where’s the room?” 

Solana doesn't expect that question to leave Roman’s mouth, but it instantly brings on another layer of dread. He doesn’t know why she can’t go in that room, and he can never know, but that not knowing is probably going to result in him pushing her to hurry up so they can get the hell out of here.

But, that doesn’t happen. He steps towards her dad and repeats in a calm voice. “Show me.” It’s then she realizes that he’s asking so he can retrieve this key for her.

And that confuses the mess out of her because why? He doesn't have to, doesn’t need to. It doesn’t benefit him in the slightest. 

So why?

But for Roman, it’s simple. He’ll take any opportunity presented to piss off this son of a bitch, and undermining every attempt Miller takes to mess with Solana presents an opportunity for Roman to assert his dominance. 

And it’s obvious by the pure terror that crosses Solana’s face that, for whatever reason, she has zero desire or even ability to enter this room. It does cross him a bit strange that she would have such a reaction to her childhood bedroom, something that typically holds special memories for people.

Until he enters said room. 

Immediately, there’s a darkness about the aura, something heavy and unsettling that he can’t necessarily describe but most definitely feels. It’s a stark contrast to the design and decoration, lots of pink and girly shit, a couple of stuffed animals sitting on the top of the dresser. It’s on the dresser he notices a shattered picture frame that in picking up he sees a photo of a young woman, dark curly hair, beautiful, light eyes and a breathtaking smile. There’s something about her that reminds him of Solana. Her mother. This has to be her mother.

For reasons Roman doesn’t quite understand, there’s something suddenly uncomfortable by looking at this photo, a ghost, someone from the past. A person cruelly and violently ripped away from her family.

It….it hits too close to him.

Laying the broken photo frame down, Roman continues to assess the room and suddenly notices scratches on the door and the wall that holds the door. But, they’re not scratches that come from furniture being moved or kids being rough, they’re clearly nail marks. As if someone was dragged and the scratches a testament of their fight against whatever attack they were facing.

Snatching the key off the dresser, he then redirects his attention to the poorly cleaned splashes of dried blood on the carpet near the bed. He’s suddenly frowning of sorts. 

There’s a story here. A story that paints a dark, grim picture. One that makes Roman slightly curious about just what the hell this girl has really been through in this hellhole?

Not wanting to stay in that creepy ass room any longer than necessary, he walks back out into the living room and ignores Miller’s obvious irritation to reach Solana the key.

Accepting it, she offers the first smile he’s probably seen on her since their first meeting. “Thank you.” Her voice is the usual mixture of soft and quiet but also….grateful. She’s probably the only person in history to ever be so happy at being given something as simple as a key. But Roman isn’t stupid. He recognizes the deeper meaning. 

Nodding, he motions for a few of his men to follow her as she heads for wherever the attic door is located. 

That leaves Roman alone with his least favorite person in the world.

“She can’t take everything, you know.” Xavier shares. He reminds, “she has a brother. My son and I deserve to have something of my late wife to—”

“I don’t care.” And he doesn’t. He honestly, truly doesn’t. “She can take whatever she wants.”

“I understand that she’s your wife, but she was my daughter long before she became your wife. And you’re standing in my house.” Xavier doesn’t skip a beat to contend. “I think you should also remember that, Tribal Chief.”

To be fair, Roman would like to think he’s done a half decent job all day managing his temper. He’s yet to maim or kill anyone which is commendable for him, in and of itself. But something about Xavier pisses him the fuck off to the point where he doesn’t give a damn about controlling his temper. 

And that’s exactly what happens. 

In a matter of seconds, Roman has Xavier by the throat, pinned against the wall, squeezing so tightly he can practically feel the man's bones pressing against his fingertips. “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” Xavier’s eyes are nearly bugging out of his head as he helplessly grasps at Roman's grip, which only makes the Tribal Chief squeeze harder. “Don’t ever fucking forget who runs this. I run it all!” As much as Roman enjoys playing the long game with this bastard, there’s only so much he can put up with. Miller needs to know Roman is not his daughter, but he damn sure will dictate that any interactions with said daughter go through him. “You see Solana when I say you can see her. You talk to her when I say you can talk to her.” Intensifying his grip, Roman notices the color draining from Xavier’s face. And it’s probably the best thing he’s seen all day. “You live because I allow it. You’re still fucking breathing because I will it.” Recognizing Miller is at the door of unconsciousness, he finally lets the man go, enjoying the sight of him coughing violently, nearly laying on the floor. “Don’t you ever fucking forget that shit.”

Xavier, wisely, doesn't say much after that. And neither does Roman, who simply makes sure his men help Solana gather all she needs, which isn’t that much outside of clothes. He starts to ask her about her car, but something tells him it’s under Xavier’s name, which is why he decides against it.

He’ll just get her another one. 

Roman doesn’t want her to have shit to do with this family, largely because he doesn’t want shit to do with this family.

And he knows what the first step toward initiating that separation will be.

—--------

The Warehouse has always been Roman’s escape.

17,000 square feet of escape, completely revamped and redone by him in his early twenties. It’s a massive compound that serves as both a place to train and compete. The former of which being why he’s present and needing to speak to the one person who he has in charge of all the day to day workings of the Warehouse. 

But, that’s all she’s interested in outside of competing herself and only training those with some fire to them.

It’s why he’s not surprised when Nia takes one look at him, then Solana, and with a snort and roll of her eyes, simply says, “no.”

Roman isn’t an idiot. He knew his cousin would immediately decline, would know what he wanted to ask before it could even leave his mouth.

If only he cared about her objection. 

“Wait here,” he mutters to Solana who only nods, hugging the jacket around her body. Solo remains nearly inches away from her. She looks so out of place, a small part of him can’t blame Nia for declining.

Nia continues to walk the balcony, eyes clearly checking in on the various sets of people training. Roman does as well, just not nearly with the same amount of focus and attention. That’s what he has Nia for.

His blood cousin and close friend since they were kids, there’s few people in this world that Roman trusts, and Nia is grouped in that category. She’s a worthy member of the bloodline and a hell of a person to have alongside you in a fight. 

It’s why she's the perfect person for this task.

“Nia.”

“I said no, Roman.” She turns to him, smirking, taunting him in a way only she and his close family can. "You know, that word that you hate?”

It actually makes him chuckle, a speckle of amusement in a day full of anything but. “If you know I hate it, why are you saying it?”

“Because unlike the rest of the world, I’m not your bitch.”

It’s partially true. Nia has never been one to shy away from being completely and, often, ruthlessly honest with her cousin. It’s something Roman sometimes appreciates, enjoying the occasional challenge and differing perspective.

This isn’t one of those times though. 

He again reiterates. “She needs to be trained.” 

It’s abundantly clear that Solana has no backbone, and he can’t entirely fault her for that because it’s also clear that she’s never really had the chance to develop one. But, that’s no longer the case, because while he can deal with the stammering and quietness, her fragility has to go. 

She has to learn to stand up for herself.

She needs to learn how to fight back.

Nia turns around with a sarcastic chuckle. “You really think that girl can be trained? I saw her at the wedding. She looked terrified the entire time. You breathe too hard in her direction, and she’ll probably have a fucking panic attack.” Roman is briefly taken back to last night. Nia hasn’t the slightest clue how true her words are. “She’s not built for this life.”

Roman doesn’t entirely disagree. If there was ever a person who’d do well and significantly better in something cookie cutter, white picket fence type shit, it’s Solana. But she’s here now, this is her life, so they need to make the best of it. She needs to learn how to survive in this life. and he expresses as such. “Regardless, she needs to learn to defend herself to some extent.”

Nia shrugs, leaning back against the railing and crossing her arms. “So teach her.”

“I don’t have the time. Or the patience.” It’s almost entirely true. There are already so many hats that Roman has to wear. Adding on another one that includes teaching a traumatized young woman how to fight is not an option. Even more, something tells him that Solana would do better training with a woman. She seems most skittish around men.

Nia scoffs, pointing to herself. “And you think I do?”

“Nia….” As much as he enjoys sparring with his cousin from time to time, his patience has grown thin. His tone darkens. “I’m not asking you.”

While tempted to continue to push back, Nia isn’t a stupid woman. She can recognize when Roman is about to lose his cool. “Fucking hell….” With a heavy sigh and shrug of defeat, she accepts. “Fine. I’ll do it, but don’t expect me to like her.”

“I never expect you to like anyone.” He chuckles, adding. “And Nia…..take it easy on her at first.”

Nia curses, instantly accusing, “You think coddling her will help?”

“I know being too rough with her won’t.”

A hard exterior is built from experience and tolerance. Roman fully believes that. However, something tells him his new wife has had enough experiences that anything more could push her closer to breaking point. So approaching it almost gingerly would probably wield the best outcome. 

Nia is, justifiably, vexed. “Whatever. I don’t have time for your weak ass wife. I’ll have Naomi teach her the basics, and once she learns how to actually throw a punch without crying, I’ll take over her training.” 

Roman has no issue with this. Solana seemed to be fine around Naomi at the wedding, so it might actually be a good match. “Fine. Just keep me updated with her progress.” Roman adds, starting to walk away.

“Do I have a choice?”

Instantly, he answers. “Nope.”

Nia’s laughter behind him brings a small smile to his face. 

Rejoining the group, he finds Solana looking just as nervous as he left her. “Let’s go.”

He turns and so does Solo, Roman deciding he’ll talk with Solana about starting training back at the house. But, her small voice calling his name, the first time he’s heard her say as such draws his attention.

Turning around, he asks, “yeah?”

She swallows and starts that damn stammering. It’s hard for him to not snap at her to just get it out. He hates that beating around the bush bullshit. “Umm, can we—uhh, stop somewhere?” Roman does his best to hide his irritation. Where the fuck does she need to go? “I just—-I noticed you don’t have a lot of ingredients at the house, and—and I need some things so I can cook.”

Initially, Roman’s first reaction is to tell her no, that she doesn’t need to cook. He doesn’t need her to cook for him. He does just fine on his own, but that’s the thing that makes him pause. He’s not on his own anymore. She needs to eat too.

So, he agrees, “fine.”

“Ayo, uce!”

Jesus Christ.

Roman needs a vacation. A week long vacation, because the way the past 24hrs has drained him more than anything he’s experienced in the past year is criminal.

The twins jog over, exchanging what is an undeniably awkward acknowledgement to Solana. And he doesn't blame them. She’s so damn docile that they probably don't know how to interact with her.

“Let us catch that ride with you.”

Roman shuts his eyes. “Why?”

Jimmy is the one to answer. “You wanted us to debrief you on that thing from earlier, remember?”

Roman realizes they’re referring to the message he had them send Solana’s brother, which he does want to hear about but not necessarily now.

“She needs to stop at the store before we head back to the house,” Roman informs, hoping the twins will just take a car back to the house to meet him their to debrief.

But that’s too much like right, because they end up in the same SUV as him and Solana, seated in the back, while he sits in the middle with her. And it’s not missed upon him how she’s practically tucked in the corner of the SUV, notebook out as she writes away while his idiotic cousins go on and on in the back about whatever.

The old lady from the library wasn’t kidding. This damn girl is always writing. 

When they arrive at the grocery store, Roman reaches for his wallet, sliding out his black card and handing it to her. “Here. Use this.” 

Roman hadn’t thought about this until just now, thought about the need to make his money available to her. He makes a mental note to have his accountant add Solana to all of his accounts and have cards mailed out with her name. In the meantime, she’ll have to deal with using his.

“Thank you.” She accepts the card, quickly asking, “what’s my limit?”

“What limit?”

Her cheeks redden as she explains. “Like….like how much I can spend?"

“There is none,” he answers with a shrug. “Just get what you need.”

Jey suddenly leans forward, tapping Roman on the shoulder. “Ayo, Big Dog, lemme run this by you.”

“No.”

Of course, the word goes in one ear and out the other. “So, I’m trying to explain to her that it’s not what she thinks. I don’t even care about that bitch, but she’s not trying to hear me. Going on and go about how I ain’t shit, I don’t treat her right—you know, the usual—-and so finally, I just snap on her ass cause who the fuck you think you talking to—”

Jimmy agrees. “She acting like you ain’t got no options.”

Jey sucks his teeth, “man, that’s what I’m saying. Like, I ain’t gotta put up with that shit!”

“Hell naw!”

The idea of grocery shopping doesn’t appeal to Roman in the slightest, but neither does listening to his dumbass cousin complain about his marriage problems to his equally dumbass brother. So, it’s the lesser of two evils, really. 

“Fuck it,” he mutters, unbuckling his seatbelt, and opening the door. Solo and Solana’s eyes fall on him as they’d yet to enter the store. “I’ll go with her.”

Solana looks expectedly surprised as Solo simply nods and gets back in the passenger seat.

“I’ll make it quick.”

Roman says nothing, walking alongside her, still providing enough distance to not make her uncomfortable. 

As long as the twins are harping on and on about stupid shit, she can take as long as she wants.

Once in the store, Solana pushing the cart, Roman realizes she was writing down a grocery list that she uses to track the needed items as they peruse what feels like endless aisles. Granted, he hasn’t been inside an actual grocery store in probably close to two decades, if not longer, so maybe this is normal for a grocery store. 

It’s when they reach the produce section that she seems a bit stumped, chewing on her bottom lip, clearly perplexed.

He starts to ask her what’s wrong, but she walks over to one of the workers and takes him slightly by surprise when she starts speaking in a different language. Spanish, he eventually settles on. It’s also the first time he thinks he’s ever seen her smile. Outside of when he gave her the key And laugh. That one is definitely a first. Both small and quiet, but still, a first. She seems to know or at least be familiar with the worker who digs around the produce and reaches over a packaged bag of whatever produce it is. 

It’s when she returns to place the produce in the basket, continuing to walk, that he asks, “you speak Spanish?”

She looks up at him, but not for too long, as if doing so is forbidden, explaining. “My—my mom taught me. She was originally from Mexico.”

Roman figured as such from the picture he saw in her room that Solana’s mom was Hispanic or had some type of Central American ancestry. He’s also surprised by her answering with more than just 3 to 5 words, providing more information than he asked. 

It’s not something he necessarily cares about, but it doesn’t annoy him like it typically does when people give him a longer answer than what’s necessary. 

“Are—are your cousins always like….like that?” Again, she takes him by surprise, up until the point where she immediately goes into apologizing. “I–I don’t mean it in a bad way. I would never—”

“Yes,” he cuts off her rambling. It’s unnecessary because the answer is simple. “They are.” With a mutter, he adds, “they never shut the fuck up.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees it. That smile smile, this time conjoined with a small laugh that she does a decent job trying to suppress. And it’s like she catches herself, changing the subject as she asks, “umm, are you—like—allergic to anything? Or is there something you don’t like? I can learn—”

“I can eat anything.” It’s a simple, truthful answer. It also seems like something she’d been wanting to ask but only built the courage to do so at the end of their current conversation, even if brief as hell.

Solana doesn’t say much after that, and it confuses Roman when she tries to grab items on shelves much higher than what exceeds her reach. It confuses him because it would be significantly easier for her to just ask him to reach it. Granted, something tells him just her asking to be taken to the grocery store seems to be her daily quota for requests.

So he takes it upon himself, hand on the small of her back, ignoring how she tenses at his touch, to tell her to step aside as he easily retrieves the item. With a tuck of her hair behind her ear and a small “thank you,” she continue shopping but this time actually, still with that same irksome gentleness, asks him to reach items that she cannot. It’s not a lot, just a couple.

And it’s not long before she’s done, checking out with his card that she makes sure to give back to him immediately. He gets the sense that that’s something she thinks is important to him.

It’s not.

The worst he can see her doing is going crazy at fucking Barnes and Nobles.

Roman has his men load the trunk for her, something that also seems to take her off guard. Like she’s not used to the assistance.

And she probably isn’t. 

————

Samantha Irvin has been on Roman’s revolving roster of women since he was in his teens. The longevity being that It’s always been the easiest with her. Sexually, at least. Their compatibility in that one area, the only one he really (only) cares about, is astronomical. But lately, more in the past few months than anything, she’s dropped a comment here and there about wanting more. 

He’s ignored them everytime. 

Roman has never promised Samantha anything more than what they currently are: fuck buddies. She knows this, just like she knows she’s not the only woman he’s fucking. Nothing about that should indicate him wanting more with anyone, including her.

Well, other than the wedding band now on his finger.

Samantha’s gaze falls on that wedding band, a bitter chuckle leaving her mouth. “I still can’t believe you actually did it.”

“Yeah,” he mutters. Discussing his shitshow of a marriage is the last thing he wants to do and far from the reason he left Solana in the middle of the night to come see her, to come work off his frustrations.

The same reason he invited her over tonight. 

Last night was a dumpster fuck, without a doubt. But today with Solana was….decent. Not amazing. Not awful. Just some strange space in between. Even as they arrived back at the estate and she went straight into cooking, creating something he can’t pronounce but can honestly say was delicious, a meal she delivered to him in his office. There was something manageable about that, this level of she does her thing, he does his, and if their paths cross in the process, he can deal with that.

The intimacy though….that’s something he’ll have to figure out, have to navigate, just not now. Not tonight. 

Right now, he just needs Samantha’s talented mouth on him.

She moves her hands up his chest, biting on her bottom lip. “She’s just a little girl, baby. You need a woman who knows how to please you.” Roman knows the other side of what she’s saying or rather what she’s not saying. Another subtle, or not so subtle depending on how you look at it, hint that she’s the one he should settle down with.

In all honesty, he has, or had, zero desire to settle down with anyone.

Especially not with Sam. She’s the kind of woman that’s good for fucking and nothing else. As much as Solana’s extreme passivity annoys the shit out of him, he’d pick that over the bitching Sam would do. He just knows she’d be on his ass about stupid shit like fucking other woman and not paying her enough attention. Like she’d think she’s somehow above him doing who and what the fuck he wants just cause he put a ring on her finger.

Way too needy.

But at least he can actually fucking touch Sam.

Kinda hard to make a baby with someone who has literal fucking panic attacks just from being touched.

It builds up his frustration again, hence Roman grabbing Samantha by the back of her head, forcing it back. She hisses, both from pain and pleasure. It’s another thing he does actually enjoy about her. She lets him be as rough as he wants and needs.

“Why are you still talking?” There may be a slight dim in her eyes at his question, but she hides it well. “I don’t give a fuck what you think.” He releases his grip and shoves her to her knees. “Put that mouth to actual good use.”

If she’s hurt by his brusque tone, she doesn’t show it, simply bringing her hands to unbuckle his pants. “I got you, daddy…” 

She gets his zipper down when a scream sounds throughout the house, causing her to freeze in her motions as she shoots Roman a confused look.

“What the hell?” Samantha’s obvious irritation is the last thing he hears before adjusting himself as he heads out the room and down the hall.

For some reason, Roman already knows what to expect before he even reaches Solana’s room. Opting against knocking, he opens the door and finds her twisting and turning in the bed, eyes shut, chest moving up and down, a light sheen of sweat on her forehead.

Yeah….just as he expected. 

Sighing, he walks over to the bed, sitting on the side. “Solana.”

“No.....” she’s crying in her sleep, clearly in the midst of a nightmare. Or night terror. “Mom, please…don’t leave me.”

Roman tenses. Immediately, he knows exactly what her nightmare is. He brings hands to her shoulder, shaking her. “Solana, wake up.”

“No…..”

He says her name again, a bit louder, firmer, “Solana, wake up.”

“No!” She screams again, shooting up from the bed, immediately fighting and pushing against his body. “Leave me alone!” She’s crying, clearly fighting against the demons one faces once in life but forever battles, even when they’re gone. 

It’s a permanent scar on the soul.

“Solana,” he says again, still stern, but somehow gentle. “You’re fine. You’re safe.” It’s the ‘safe’ word that seems to trigger something for her, mouth still ajar, painting heavily but no longer struggling against him. “It was just a bad dream.”

There’s a fleeting thought he has about pushing some of the flyaway hairs out of her face, but it’s gone before he can really process let alone act on said thought.

Solana looks at his hands on her forearm and immediately tugs them back to her body, hugging herself. She drops her head, eyes closing, “I’m—I’m sorry.”

His eyes take her in, studying her, “it’s fine.”

“I—I need some air.” She kicks the blankets off her body and swings her legs over the bed, hurriedly grabbing a notebook off the dresser and rushing out of the room past a smirking Samantha.

Roman shuts his eyes and runs his hand over his face, ignoring the strange array of emotions, or something like that, he’s experiencing.

He hasn’t been this exposed to this kind of behavior in years.

This may be more complicated than he realized. 

And it’s as he stands up from the bed, walking near the door that Samantha smirks. “Did she seriously say mom?”  His eyes snap to her as she runs her hands up and down his chest. “What a fucking child.”

Her words take him back, reframe things so that it’s not Solana the child crying for her mother not to be taken from her. It’s a young boy. Burned, bloody, and beat, fading in and out consciousness, the gaze of fiery flames in his peripheral vision, the smell of burning flesh invading his nostrils, the sound of wails and sirens all mingling together from the shock of it all. 

Roman catches himself, forcing those buried memories back where they belong in the very back of his mind. He then looks at Sam for a good five seconds before demanding, “get the fuck out.”

She pauses and then asks with an uncomfortable laugh, “what?”

“Get the fuck out of my house,” he repeats, shoving her hands off him. 

“What did I sa—”

“Get out!” Roman snaps, volume and tone making her jump. He probably scared her. He also doesn’t care. He just wants her gone. And she does as such, walking away without another word of protest. 

Left alone, he tries to gather himself, moving back to his room.

So much for a fucking distraction.

 —----- 

Roman finds her out back on the patio. 

He needed to clear his head, get back into his tunnel vision focus, and the gym he had included when he built the house is the perfect place to do that. Two hours later, recentered and showered, he readies to call it a night. But, he realizes he probably shouldn’t do as such until he makes sure Solana is at least partially stable enough to be left alone. 

And she is. 

She’s laid out, sleeping on the rattan lounge chair, a closed notebook tucked into her side. Roman recognizes it as the same one she was writing in that day at the library as well as the one she used for her grocery list just earlier in the day. 

He settles down on the chair next to her, studying her. Even in her sleep, she looks….sad. And for the first time in the midst of all these strange experiences with her, Roman understands. He understands her sadness, understands her difficulty, understands the memories that clearly haunt her.

The same way they used to haunt him. 

His hand goes to his tatted arm, intricate tribal tattoo hiding permanent remnants of that night of hell. The night that he once had the same kind of night terrors about. 

Noticing the breeze, he walks back into the house, grabbing one of the throw blankets on the sofa. Roman is careful to not directly touch her as he lays it over her body. A part of him is tempted to carry her back to her room, but he remembers these kinds of nights. The kind where it’s a challenge to escape the memories, let alone find a place and mental space to turn your brain off enough to just sleep.

So he leaves her alone, allowing her to enjoy the only escape she clearly has in this life.

[tacobellabeanburrito]

Hey, I wanted to know if you had any angst phoenix wright centered fics that you could recommend me

ANON YOU HAVE COME TO THE ABSOLUTE RIGHT PLACE BBG.

(I HEAVILY imprint on Phoenix Wright, so I have a lot of angst fics in my arsenal that center around him)

(Also, I highly recommend looking at my bookmarks, cause there’s ALOT more that I most likely don’t mention here. So uh, yeah)

(ALSO ALSO, idk if you have already but look at my other rec fic lists because a lot of the Phoenix Wright angst fics that I love are on there as well and I don’t wanna double up)

ANYWAY! Here we go! (Some of them don’t have blurbs, others will)

-

“I Might’ve Been A Good Man, Who Loved Someone With All He Had” by SapphireWire: I don’t mind this one too much. It just doesn’t have the headcannons that I personally like. A lot of the times I bookmark fics just so I can go back to them if my mind is ever like “Oh shit, do you remember this fucking baller moment from this fanfic?” And I’m like “Oh shit yeah”. Worth a read, though. There’s also a sequel.

“Turnabout Forgotten” by Nali_li: Alright Anon, so a lot of these fics I don’t really remember much about (cause I have a shit memory) and am just kinda looking through my bookmarks and seeing which ones have definite Phoenix angst in them. This one is about Phoenix who gets amnesia and doesn’t remember anything past the Will Powers case.

“Pressure (Pushing Down On Me)” by ApprenticeofDoyle: A long ass Ace Attorney that is actually really good. It’s not so much my cup of tea because it does ALOT with the Ace Attorney canon and shakes it until some of the plots points are different but it is good.

“These Ties That Bind” by The HomestuckWhovian: OMG I LOVE THIS ONE. An all time favorite. Holds all of my headcannons for Phoenix, I don’t wanna spoil it, you just gotta read it, buddy. It’s very good. It’s a soulmate type fix but also centered around Phoenix’s other relationships (Not just him and Miles). Fully recommend.

“Chains Of The Heart” by NarshTaters: Don’t really remember much about it since I read it a while back, but it goes into detail about Phoenix and his whole complexes while Miles uses the magatama on him. A great fic nonetheless.

“They’ll Never Love You Like I Can” by Josdalynn: Ahhh! I was looking for this one. Glad I found it. It’s about a younger Phoenix (Feenie) going forward in time and showing up at Chief Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth’s office. I like this one a lot.

“Behind Closed Doors” by Stressedtoimpress: I really like this one a lot but I can never go back to it because it has an unhappy ending. But definitely has a lot of Phoenix angst. A lot of Miles angst too. Contains Krisnix.

“To Whom Do I Owe The Pleasure?” by Loreley: OH BABY THERE IS SOMETHING SOOOO GOOD WHEN PEOPLE PUT IN A FANFIC “Phoenix Wright Chooses Death” during his disbarment era as an echo to Miles’ letter. Girlypop this one is good.

“The Best Revenge” by pantswarrior: Ok this one is, mature and for good reason. I’ll let you figure out what happens cause I don’t wanna spoil cause it’s really good but also very dark but also good.

“Hold Me In Your Arms” by AnonymousChicken: A very cute fic. Not too angsty but pretty angsty on the first chapter. It’s narumitsu centered, and features a traumatized Maya.

“Imminent Danger” by ValueTurtle: Ok, so, I don’t really like this one too much. It’s good, but not my thing. But definitely very angsty in the Phoenix department. I won’t spoil it but check it out if you wanna.

“I’m Getting So Tired Of Coughing Out My Lungs” by heiisklchen: Oh, oh this one is good. This one is about Phoenix dealing with an eating disorder.

“Like Glass” by Machina (XMachina): A good Phoenix fic. Short, but good. It’s about Phoenix and his relationships with Miles, Dahlia/Iris and Kristoph. Mostly Miles, though.

“And I’m Mr. Loverman” by LicoriceLovingLoser: We love Ricky Montgomery songs and Phoenix Wright disbarment fics.

“The Eye Of The Beholder” by 3musketears: A nice hurt/comfort fic regarding Phoenix and his body post disbarment.

“Sharp” by silvered: AHHH loved this one. I just reread it when looking for fics for you Anon and I really liked it. Has some Krisnix in it.

“Despite Everything, It’s Still You” by orphan_account (lmao, just search up the name and if you can’t find it tell me)

“So Shut Your Eyes” by pessu (kittiv): Not a Phoenix centric one but I found it while I was looking and I really, really like it.

“I Make Sense Of The Madness (When I Listen To Your Voice) by pychelocs: I like this one a lot.

“Hurt Me, Why Won’t You?” By daiicraa: A really angsty but sweet one.

“Appreciate All Parts Of Me” by Booloodle: SLAY FIC.

“When The Chips Are Down” by rib14

“Avoidance” by JJamescat

“Perpetual Motion” by PhantomWriter

“Goodbye, My Dearests” by tunaricebowl

“Gold, Marble and Burgers” by tunaricebowl

“Hold Onto Me (Cause I’m A Little Unsteady) by samiolioli (Samioli)

“Better Light A Candle Than Curse The Darkness” by daydreamn019

-

Ok anon, that’s about it for Phoenix Wright angst fics. BUTTTT ALSO. Here’s one just for funnzies that I just remembered. It isn’t angst but I come back to it a lot.

“Honey, Honey” by chcolayecoveredkashews: HILARIOUS. We love accidental Sugar Daddy Miles.

UGH AND OKAY. ANOTHER CALL TO ACTION. Doing this just reminded me of the fic but there’s a fic mentioned during the other fic rec list I posted AND I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IT BECAUSE IT’S DRIVING ME BONKERS.

Ok so, plot is that through mystical Magatama fuckery, Miles and Phoenix get trapped in a mindpalace like world where they are married. Their family is trying to get them out of their own heads and ITS ANGSTY AND SOOO GOOD. Has “Perfect” by SideBlog vibes. So if anyone knows this fic. PLEASE SEND IT MY WAY.

Anyway, getting that out of the way, thank you Anon for your question about fics, and good luck reading! (Also, still check out my other fic rec list cause those have ALOT of Phoenix angst and also check out my bookmark list PLEASE I haven’t done justice to all the fics I have in there that I like and that I have forgotten about)

[kanmom51]

Jikook - what we see is what we get

When we get to see it.

Not seeing it doesn't mean it's not there though.

Was sitting today BTS songs just playing in the background while I'm working on my post. All this shit just happening around us, around JK and JM (yes, JM is part of it, he's also affected by it all), and The truth untold comes up.

This version:

One of, if not their best performance imo. The emotion just pouring out of them.

This song. It kills me every single time. Brings me to tears every single time. JM turned away from JK singing "and I still want you" in every performance. Well, other than their last 3 in Seoul, changed by them, performed by them, ending facing each other JM singing "but I still want you". Defiant.

All about the need to wear that mask to hide your true self for fear you might not be loved for who you truly are, that you might be seen as ugly, a monster. And the two of them, changing the staging, turning to each other, looking into each other's eyes, while changing the "and" to "but I still want you"... do people understand this? The enormity of this moment?

And then this song comes up, this performance:

This was on day 2, while on day 3 we had this:

Omg, my YT logarithm is trying to kill me today.

And got me thinking about this moment we got on day 3 as well.

This love, people, this chemistry, us not seeing it as often for the lack of BTS ot7 content doesn't mean is gone. It's very much still there. We just aren't as lucky to be able to see them in that one frame as often or even at all. But when we do, there is no denying it. Even if it's for the shortest of moments.

We saw it in 2020 (have people forgot memories 2020 for god sake?)

We saw it in 2021

So much more, so little image allowance... But you can find it all in my masterlist.

We saw it throughout 2022 in their Seoul and LV PTD concerts.

And in JITB even if briefly,

And in Busan and Run BTS episodes.

And we even got a little touch of it in 2023, when there was no way of keeping them out of the frame, like in Jhope's enlistment BTB, D-Day in Seoul and even when not being in one frame, in those lives we got to enjoy when the one joined the other in their comments and even without the other even making that kind of appearance.

Letter, goddamnit.

Oh and then we had JM literally flying across the world to be with JK for his Solo debut (if only GMA concert wasn't cancelled, damn it), and them dipping off for their 4 day private trip in CT.

It's sad how short people's memories are. Really. I am reading all sorts of fanfictions being put forward as "this is what happened with Jikook over the years", stating facts that are not facts, creating non existent drama, because people love the drama.

This is a loving couple in a long term relationship. You know, that boring kind. The stable, loving, filled with respect and no drama. The one where one supports their partner when they are struggling. One where just being with each other is fulfilling (cough JK coming to JM's room in LA just to be with him in the same room for hours cough).

Funny how people are talking about them breaking up 2020-21 during the pandemic when JK literally had a slip of the tongue spilling the beans they live together, they are one household, in Run BTS episode 142 they were each gifted a knife. JK all proud and piping up "we got 2"...

JM just sitting there all quiet, smirk on his face.

Stories about breakups. Stories about sexually experimenting but no actual emotional commitment. All while ignoring the constants. Those things that are just there, all the time, whenever we do get to see them:

That electrical chemistry between those two.

The way they look at each other constant over the years.

The way they talk to each other constant over the years.

The way they touch each other constant over the years.

The way they talk about each other.

The way their interactions are so different from the others or their own with the others.

The way the others are around them, their reaction to Jikook.

All still there!!!

*PS:

I wrote this post yesterday before JK's Radiohead appearance and his TikTok post-delete.

I guess now would be a good time to repeat what the wise @ourwinterspring (yes, I'm mentioning you again, lol) once said (well a couple of days ago, that is):

Rumors are created by haters

accepted by fools

and spread by idiots

[sofia-d-asb]

omg ive read over a hundred IFs but none of them quite compare to ASB. I completed it all in just a day because it was all so engrossing. 😭And istg no IF author writes romance like you do. Are you a published author by any chance? Because that is exactly what your writing style seemed like! It is so polished! I'm completely and hopelessly in love. Very much looking forward to the sequel. I do have one question though. stanislas became so different from the man we first encountered during the meeting. After you defeat him and meet him in his cell he just seemed so...callous? in his letter, his dialogues during the battle battlefield etc. When he first met him he seemed so amicable. Did he just...change over the course of time or had he always been this way?Also, will we be seeing more of your work after you complete the sequel?

Thank you so much for your message 💕

Well in a way, I am a published author, Arcadie: Second-Born is my first published game/book 😄

But no, I have not published actual books.

As far as polish goes, I can't take all the credit, I had wonderful beta testers that really helped me tighten the writing.

As for Stanislas, when you meet him in his cell, he is a defeated man, who has betrayed everything and everyone he once held dear for a higher purpose, only to be defeated at your hand. (Did you trigger his balcony scene at the ball?)

I have another project that I'll try my hand at after I'm done with Cold Lands.

Thank you again for reaching out 😊

[crushingcasanova]

IM BACK , MY LOVE !!! last night was .. chaotic to say the least. i don’t wanna give away who i am by telling you much .. so ill just say that it was a lot hehe. trust me , if I could’ve answered you as SOON as you sent your response .. i would’ve <333 ive started to become really enamored with you .. （≧∇≦）your energy is just amazing and ive found myself getting excited when im sending these letters hehe .. so thank you !!

it’s crazy how similar our schedules are .. ill actually be going into tech week next week !! and that’s so sweet .. it figures that you’re good with kids , you seem like such a kind soul ^^ im sure that things are stressful for you. if you ever wanna rant , or listen to someone else talk and just relax .. ill do whatever i can for you!!

i forgot to send my other half , so ill just do it now :3 i love all of the things you said , but specifically gravity falls and steven universe ….. my goodness , i had steven universe as my special interest for years , id never stop thinking abt it (or flapping my gums about it … :,) ) and gravity falls was a hyperfixation for a while , and i still really like it !! just not as much as i did .. (i have autism and adhd by the way .. im sure you’re understanding but i wanted to tell and warn you ..) i guess i have a lot of interests so this one’s kinda hard …. i guess my basic list would be hsr , genshin , pjsk , alien stage , LAW AND ORDER SVU !! (shh it’s my special interest rn i kinda go crazy every time I talk about it so just ignore me) uhm and there’s a looot more but im not gonna name all that .. i wouldn’t wanna take up more space than I have i seriously talk so much my goodness .. i truly feel sorry that you gotta read all this ..

but anyways !! i hope your day is going so so so so amazingly .. idk what time it is for you (it’s 6:53 am for me) but what i DO know is that you are truly a blessing for me .. im sorry to maybe overwhelm you , but ive been feeling real lonely the past few weeks .. you’re the only person that I feel like has really paid attention to me (even if it’s only in these little asks) so .. thank you. all i really need is attention .. i wouldn’t dare ask more from you <333 i hope this letter finds you in good health!

your obedient servant , 🎭

I hope last night went well, even if it was a lot :0 don't even worry about the response times, by the way! I know I'm a bit slow with it too, and timing doesn't matter much to me as long as we get to chat :) thank you for the compliments by the way <33 I'm always excited to see you in my inbox, too! :D I've been looking forward to responding all morning actually!

I hope your tech goes well! My irl best friend has tech next week too :) she's doing puffs! Not sure if you know anything about the play, but it seems fun :) I appreciate the offer to rant to you, by the way, but it's okay! I've actually been very happy and excited with tech, even if I'm a bit tired :) so it's not an issue! I love tech and spending so much time with my cast members is such a joy <3 you're quite sweet for asking, though!

Steven universe was a big childhood show for me! I got to see susan egan (rose quartz) sing live once and I nearly exploded omg .... I had a lot of good memories with the show, and even wrote an essay about it last year for my english class! (It was about colonization in steven universe, which was actually very fun to do). I've been meaning to properly rewatch it sometime! Who were your favorite characters? And gravity falls too, I'm curious :D  (and also, I do understand, so no worries <3)

I used to play pjsk! Other than that, I'm nore unfamiliar with the other things. I've heard of genshin and hsr though and I have friends who play them :) and law and order svu I've heard of! You should totally tell me all about it, I'd love to learn about your interest :D and also, you can always tell me more of your interests and such if you wish! I'll always dutifully read it all, it'll never be too long for me >:D

I'm sorry you've felt lonely :( hopefully, you know I'll always be here to listen :D it doesn't overwhelm me to hear, I'm glad you can get it out! It's like 10:45 here as I write this, actually, so I think we have a bit of a gap timewise :) I hope your day goes super well! Let me know what you're up to if you wish :D

[fangbanger3000]

Hnngggg the new chapter hnnmngg

I adore the air of mystery around the dream guardian and how it seems to give tav super special treatment, in both good and bad. What's up with that? Why would he do that? :0 Seems kinda fishy ngl

Also kinda scared about the fact that we're nearing the end of act 2 and there hasn't been much done about lifting the shadow curse. Have you seen halsin's face in the cutscene when you leave for baldur's gate without lifting the curse?? Poor baby :(

Aaaand i love the lil relationship drama between tav and astarion (and rolan and halsin and aradin rip). Love to read about idiots in love.

I'm really looking forward to reading this story <3 You're so great <3

omg i need to get better at checking my tumblr inbox bc this just lit up my day so much <333

it's super fishy! the dream guardian just might be the fishiest guy around. very suspicious indeed. dubious. fiendish, even.

I have seen it and it does break my heart, but have you seen the letter he sends Tav if he's left there and the curse isn't lifted? the pining is so good. the angst is formidable! so many opportunities to make us all hurt.

i'm so glad you're liking the drama!! there's so much more to come.

thank you so much for reading and sending me this, you're far too kind <333333

[24carrotcorner]

uhh hi welcome to my blog :)

• i’m claiming this lil corner of the internet to immortalize the silly little things i do to get through living. not sure about the structure yet, but we’ll figure it out as we go i guess (pls note the title of this “episode”) •

some things about me:

i’m transmasc non-binary & use they/them pronouns 🤍

my queerness is pretty much my entire personality

i’m mentally ill & i’m on drugs

i have a very mean dog who is the light of my life

————————————————————————

on to the blog part:

since it’s the beginning of august, i thought it’d be fun to talk about the lil things i do when a new month starts.

reading challenges & goals

i’m a big reader, so i always look forward to refreshing my reading challenges & setting new goals each month!

i use storygraph (truly a game changing app for me— i can’t sing its praises enough) to log what i’ve read, my tbr, and my challenges/goals. there’s a really great blogger i found through the app (booksare42) (a hitchhikers guide to the galaxy reference that warms my soul), and they host a monthly tbr tackle challenge that includes 5 prompts usually based on canada’s international holidays.

i also have a couple reading challenges of my own, but only one that i update monthly. i’m a big fan of randomizing things thanks to my neurospicy big sis & all our games of neurotic barbies (more on that another day), so i made a randomized reading challenge. i use random (another great app i swear by) to get:

a letter — i have to read a book beginning with the letter i spin

a genre — self explanatory

a number (5-10) — # books to read

so far i’ve completed all of my monthly challenges, which always gives me a lil dose of dopamine :)

tarot

i’m relatively new to tarot & it never ceases to amaze me. at the beginning of the year, i did a 12 month spread that i reflect on at the beginning of each month. i really appreciate the insight— plus it’s like a lil here’s-what-to-expect treat :)

for the 8th month, i drew the king of wands. the themes of this card are “leader, visionary, intentional” and the guidebook suggested that i write all my ideas & dreams in a journal. i really love this idea bc i have so many plans and projects floating inside my head and in my note app, and having a complete & organized tangible list will be such a relief for my very loud inner monologue.

p.s. i use the queer tarot deck by ash & chess and OMG i love it!! i live by the guide book (all of the card interpretations and spread ideas are queer-centered, and it’s super helpful & accessible to folks new to tarot). not to mention the art is absolutely stunning— each card features a queer model (and the guide book lists their names & pronouns!!) it rly is just a lil deck of queer joy 🌈

————————————————————————

cool things of the week

• this is the segment where i tell you about some cool things i’ve been enjoying this week •

song: casual, chappell roan

chappell has captured the hearts of just about everyone and good for her!! we stan chappell in this house, and i’ve had casual on repeat all week. it’s a staple of a new playlist i’m working on. speaking of playlists—

playlist: soundtrack to my bipolar ii

i blasted this playlist through my car radio at least once every day during the past week, and i can’t blame me— it’s great ;) it’s full of songs that make me ✨feel✨ but there’s not a singular mood— it’s all over the place, like my bipolar cycle

• my phone is being dumb rn but i’ll update with the link when it gets it shit together •

book: the dark matter of mona starr by laura lee gulledge

here’s my review on storygraph, bc it sums up my thoughts:

needless to say, i loved it

thing: gift basket from me to me

i’ve recently discovered that one of the best ways to love myself is with my own love language— gifts. i prepared a gift basket for myself the way i would for a friend, and i waited a few days to “give” it to myself so it would be a treat after a long work week :)

gift basket contents:

cute lil bag of purse essentials, including travel hand sanitizer, lotion, & tissues and a tide pen

coupon for a free donut

set of micron pens

journal that i decorated with stickers

cute lil hardback spiral notepad

paperback notepad (i painted the cover!)

l.e.d. lights for my room (i put them up today & my soul is singing)

pink fuzzy socks ft dogs

handmade card w/ a sweet lil note

catstrology by luna malcolm (dollar tree find that is essentially a book of astrology cat memes and i love it)

rings (i immediately broke one them so that was cool)

choco chip cookies :))

————————————————————————

that’s all folks

well, dear reader (if you’re out there), i hope you enjoyed the first episode of 24carrot corner :) i’m not entirely sure what next week’s post will look like bc of the aforementioned idk-what-i’m-doing thing, but hey, planning ahead is for losers anyway

pretty pls be nice to yourself in the coming week 🤍 you’re stuck with you so might as well, right?

k bye

[idkwhatimdoingbutslay]

I'm very much in denial about "Dear, Hello..." ending, but I wanted to ask what your favorite part was? Also, was there any part that turned out better than you expected? Also, what's your headcanon for Corina's and Sarah's future? Also, sorry, it's likely I won't watch the original movie, given that I'm sure I've read the best iteration of this story, but how many creative liberties did you have to take to adapt the story both to the characters and to a written format? (I absolutely love the story, so I'm fiending for more conversation on it! lol!)

AHHH OMG DONT GET ME STARTED (PROCEEDS TO GET STARTED) !!!!!! THANKS SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK

LONG YAP INCOMING

Favourite part: UGHH IDK!!! I really love the kiss scene in the hot tub because it’s just so intimate and it was something I looked forward to a lot because it’s also one of my favourite scenes in the movie! I had all these plans and was super duper excited to finally let Cait and Vi just love (or “not hate” 🤭) each other finally. It was just so sweet and so lovely with the elements of them finally crossing the lines they’ve been so desperate to cross like with Cait’s super sensitive neck that was mentioned during the contract writing and with Vi’s obsession with having someone’s hand in her hair and JUST ALL THE KISSING!!! I headcanon that Vi and Cait are super into kissing, I can’t even lie, and that it’s just a connection they’re so desperate for. Though, I’m not super confident in how the chapter turned out as a whole 🤔. The final reading of Cait’s second letter to Vi is also just so !!!!! Another thing I was SUPER excited for. I also love chapter 17 where they just hang out and banter and pine at the ice cream place and the outdoor movie and stuff. I really love the lacrosse chapters (15-16) too because of how much develops during them and how CUTE CAIT AND VI ARE in Caitlyn’s bedroom, especially with Cait falling asleep. OH AND AND AND THE GALA AND HALLOWEEN!!!! THOSE FACE KISSES????? THE JAYCE AND VI INTERACTION??? THE CONTRACT AND THE JERICHO’S RESTAURANT SCENE??? OMG THERES JUST SO MUCH, especially with Caitlyn and Vi’s dynamic throughout the whole fic! I love every bit and piece, especially all the additions of Vi’s relationships with lacrosse, her family and her friends and same for Caitlyn’s relationships with Kai’Sa (LOVE HER!!!), her parents and Jayce and Corina and even Sarah. I just love the whole fic I can’t lie, I can’t believe I actually pulled it off 😭. The overall development of the reluctant partners fake dating to all the resurfaced pining from years ago just kinda gets me! Their love for each other just never went away!

Better than expected: … the whole fic I think???? I really did not expect this fic to hit so hard for myself or others! What I REALLY didn’t expect was how much I was gonna love Kai’Sa’s character because, during planning, I just needed someone to fill the friend spot for Cait and Kai’Sa Void (COOLEST NAME EVER) just started to really stick!!! She’s so fun and balances Caitlyn so well. Plus, having an aro character will always be peak to me. PLUS PLUS, silly Vi thinking Kai’Sa has feelings for Cait and that Caitlyn might reciprocate them??? Please 😭. Also, Vi’s friend group! I also really needed those spaces filled and they also made as fun additions. I’m always super worried about making OCs for fics cuz I don’t want them to pull people out from the fic or something, so I prefer to find league characters to add but I also know NOTHING about league and sometimes (most times) it just doesn’t work out. It did this time tho! The little bits of politics that I got to write were fun too, especially with how it made Caitlyn view her mother.

Headcanons for Corina: she doesn’t change very much, inherits her family’s factories and continues to be a problem. She’ll eventually get bored of being the “friendliest” bully of all time, though, and move on to just being a generally awful person with a good mask. Might even start working with Silco and the chembarons 😧. Her parents def have a tie with them already. Headcanons for Sarah: SHE GROWS!!!! She works through her insecurities and learns about what she truly wants for herself. She faces her neglectful parents, takes a gap year and decides to study to be a teacher or something. She stops comparing herself and wishing and wishing and wishing to be someone else and instead learns to be someone better. She probably moves away too to start anew.

Creative liberties: I honestly took A TON. Especially since the role Vi’s filling (Peter: the love interest) didn’t have much focus in the movie or even the books, and if there was some, it was kinda lacklustre. We never got his POV and he regressed a lot imo. I aged them up from junior year to senior year after debating if I wanted it all to take place in Uni cuz writing young CaitVi is foreign to me lol. I swapped the family dynamics in the movie. The character Caitlyn’s in place for (Lara Jean: main character) was the one with the bigger, complicated family and a lost parent and Peter was the one with an absent parent and a smaller family. I almost made Vi be Lara Jean and write the letters lol! My notes for this fic are crazy, I might post them one day. The character Corina’s in place for (Josh: Lara Jean’s ex (?) childhood best friend and Lara Jean’s older sister’s (who Jayce plays) ex boyfriend) was NOT as mean as Corina and eventually reconciled with Lara Jean. He was the one that convinced Lara Jean to find Peter and tell him how she really felt. Caitlyn needed different character development tho lmao. Parental reconciliation is iffy in the original series for Peter; again with the lack of focus (and overall characterization in the second and third books/movies) on him. I strongly dislike the third book and am very indifferent to the movie so I kinda block it out. Obvi, in the original series, Lara Jean is straight, so I mixed it up for Caitlyn. Instead of a guy that Lara Jean used to like telling her that he’s gay and Peter kinda laughing at Lara Jean when he finds out, a girl Cait used to like tells her she’s aro and Vi instead laughs at Caitlyn for writing a letter to Jayce considering her… situation, lmao. There’s some more little things like Sarah’s characterization that kinda followed but kinda didn’t the character she was in place for. It’s only a 90 minute movie and I really didn’t want Sarah to just be some bad guy. Even Corina was simply brought up with a desperation for control. It was kind of a vague template of love letters and pining and character development and family/friend dynamics that I morphed them into to make it all work and I think I did it pretty well 🤗. The written format wasn’t hard to adjust to since the movies are based off of books and I even own the books to kinda use as a guide (although I didn’t use them much at all lmao). The chapters of the books are pretty short and, again, don’t have Peter’s POV, so there was def a lot of change.

[heich0e]

if you've sent in an ask lately that i didn't respond to, it may be answered under the cut! i'll be dividing these posts up by general subject matter so no one has to scroll for too long to find any asks they may have sent. feel free to block the tag #liv got mail if you don't like seeing posts like this. i'm sorry to have kept you waiting, and p.s. i love you very much <3

part four: fic stuff, etc. ✉

✉ Anonymous asked: liv no one writes suna like you how am i supposed to go on when you hate him (affectionately)

u should try hating on him too it's very liberating and he's an easy target <3

✉ Anonymous asked: not a day goes by when I don't think about pollute I deeply thank you for making it 🩷😔🙏

ahhhh yes... polluted.... my gang-num opus.... thank u for enjoying one of the nastiest things i have ever written we are in this together now!!

✉ @just-jordie-things asked: hello here like everyone else to make sure you get so much love for your mini series with megumi 🤗🤭 (and also i just binged the rest of your work too 😭 😂) i love your writing style it’s so addicting i feel so involved in your stories. and i just loooove how you write megumi !! excellent work i hope you had fun with it!! have a great day/night 🫶

HI JORDIE!! u are SO KIND!! i am so happy you enjoyed the series (and hopefully whatever else you read!!) and i really really really REALLLLY appreciate you taking a moment to share these sweet words w me. sending u love and endless gratitude!! <3

✉ Anonymous asked: Hey Liv, just wanted to reach out to you

Hopefully you don't feel overwhelmed or something like that regarding your last series and everything that came along with it (also your last asks were... Let's say bizarre), so I just wanted to remind you that while I think you're an amazing writer and love what you post, I do not simply follow you for the content you put out: in fact I've become more an more interested in your persona, I think you're hilarious and witty and kind and I find myself looking forward to even you reblogging art and your keysmashes in the tags

Thank you for being so special Liv!!♥️🤩

this really ought to have gone in the love letter section because it's so incredibly sweet of you to say. u might have questionable taste in girlbloggers but omg your heart is so beautiful and kind :') thank YOU for making me FEEL so special, and for taking the time out of your life to do so. i adore u more than i could ever say and i am sending u roughly 92 MILLION kisses. love u so big.

✉ Anonymous asked: hi liv! whenever u see this i just wanted to say that im sorry u felt like u couldnt continue posting smth u created and had fun making onto ur little corner of the internet that we all have the privilege of sharing w u 🖤 it rlly does hurt when smth we make and are excited to share with others isnt met w the same kind of enthusiasm. even tho it's understandable why some ppl weren't huge fans of ur mini megumi series, im sure it was still a bit hurtful. i just wanted to say that everything you create, no matter who likes or dislikes it, is beautiful and deserving of love and recognition for the effort, time and emotions you put into making it. i hope ur break is relaxing and lovely, and i cant wait to continue supporting u and ur creativity when u get back 🖤🖤🖤

thank u little guy. i appreciate you and these words very very much <3

✉ Anonymous asked: just read the Megumi drabble series and saw your prev asks answering the continuation of it, and let me just say that (a) i LOVED the series it's absolutely adorable and also angsty and (b) i completely understand if you decide not to continue!!!! i just wanted to show some support ❤️❤️ your writing's incredible ❤️❤️ regardless of if it'll continue or not, it was an amazing read!

thank you for reading and enjoying it!! you are so sweet!! sending u a big tight squeeze

✉ Anonymous asked: LOVE YOUR LATEST MEGUMI FIC!!! I know it’s easier said than done but I hope you become more comfortable with posting whatever you want in you little corner of the internet!!!

ahhhhhh i hope so too!! and i am so grateful you enjoyed it!! thank you friend <3

✉ Anonymous asked: I loved the recent series of veterinarian Megumi and his son so much, I loved your writing. I understand you're not going to continue, but I appreciate you writing it anyway.💓

and i appreciate u reading it!!!! and enjoying it!! it means so much to me!! blowing u a big kiss rn

✉ Anonymous asked: hi hi Liv ❤️ I just wanted to say I respect your choice to not post more of your oopsy baby series to prevent others from becoming uncomfortable, and I just hope it doesn’t diminish your own joy for writing and creating.

I think it’s totally fair to acknowledge that you hadn’t included a warning or anything about the kid (almost definitely) being Megumi and reader’s, cuz that happens sometimes! Things slip through! But at the same time people don’t have to keep reading if they get to a point they’re not enjoying it.

I think I speak for a lot of people when I say I just want you to be happy in your space, so whatever way you choose to achieve that is of course the best choice for you ❤️❤️

hi hi FRIEND!! thank you for such sweet words and for being so understanding and kind. LOVE UUUUUU

✉ Anonymous asked: just wanna compliment you cause its honestly so impressive that you managed to write and outline multiple stories in the past two weeks. you never fail to amaze me with your creativity keep up with the amazing stuff and take care of yourself :)

i feel so SO lucky to have an outlet to dump all my silly little ideas into when they strike, and to have people (like you!!) who are there to enjoy them along with me!! hope you're well sweet thing!!

✉ Anonymous asked: PLEASE GOD YOUR WRITING IS IMMACULATE. LIKE DOWNRIGHT SWEEPING ME OFF MY FEET IN HAPPINESS WHEN I SEE YOU POST IMMACULATE.

write whatever makes you comfortable, parenthood or not because after all, YOU are the one who is writing it and everyone has their own responsibility to scroll if they dont like your comment. anyway, sending lots of love, YOU DESERVE IT ALL!!

WAHHH u are so kind!! sending u a big squish and so much love right back <3 and thank you for such a lovely bit of reassurance i appreciate u!!

[one last note: there were some other asks about the mini megumi series that i wasn't sure if i should include. i never want to post or share anything that someone might interpret as targeted, or alienating, or sensitizing in any way—and i'm ready to move on and not rehash any old wounds. i know they all came from a very kind place, and i am so truly and sincerely appreciative of anyone who reached out to check on me, or support me, or tell me that they enjoyed the series. love u always and tremendously, liv. xx]

[tarotwithavi]

Hello to my favourite reader. I hope i didn't burden you too much with my bulk orders :)

Okay so first I'll go with the subliminal. When i listened to the subliminal for the first time i got tingling sensation all over my body. And when i affirmed and focused on my eyes they were BURNING. It was very powerful. I still can't listen to it whole day. I guess changing my eye colour would take some time but i noticed my hair are becoming more softer and fuller than before. It's definately powerful and affective.

Starshine reading was very resonating. It's like someone who notice me everyday is telling me stuffs about myself that i didn't notice 🥹. The humble, grounded and taking both genders perspective is something I've learned after being through some painful lessons. It's wonderful how pain transform us into a better person. How we learn so much after losing things and people that are dearest to us. I love my independence and love to share. I also love to make people safe and remind them to chase their dreams. It was a wonderful reading. I guess my negative self talk make me lose sight of who i am but thanks to you i can see myself clearly now.

My moon reading was ✨ interesting ✨. I mean yeah i get ruthless when i actually get angry. Though it takes alot for me to get that angry (or i guess when my ego gets bruised). But yes i do become intimidating when I'm angry. My fs would teach me to be more selfish and cunning and to be honest I can't wait to be like that 😩. I'm tired of being such a pure and selfless person that it's draining me at this point. The letter from ny fs was hilarious, hopeful, sweet and a tiny bit sad ( because we haven't met each other yet it feels like we won't be able to stay away from each other once we do which is kinda good but yet it's sad for me cause I'm such an emotional crybaby) ahem so my fs is very bratty and he's such a tease which is similar to how you said we'll be pulling each other's leg in the previous fs reading. Sometimes i think it's all in my head or like I'm just ignoring my pain through these readings but then you reveal such sweet and tender moments that I can't help but be hopeful for my future and i can do anything i want. So thank you alot for giving me this strength. Thank you for making me hopeful again.

Raven was the reading i was looking forward to the most because i didn't know my psychic abilities until you said so. My dreams are usually intense, vivid and weird but they also come true in 3d to some certain aspects. Like when i look into hindsight some incidents were very similar to my dreams. My dreams also carry crazy but true messages that's why I don't ignore them. Astral travelling is something I'm very interested in. But i do need practice. Healing other people's inner child is something i take pride in doing so. I feel very good after giving people emotional advice. And I'd love to be a guiding light to other people.

Mystical reading was truly mystical. I can't believe i was a female knight like omg i was so cool! And a little secret i wanna share with you is that whenever i was in emotional turmoil i used to daydream myself as a female knight saving a world that was falling apart. I used to daydream like this as a coping mechanism but girl i never imagined that i was an actual FEMALE KNIGHT MYSELF IN MY PAST LIFE 😭. The place i was born in was and is know for romance and people are obsessed going there is pretty much screaming france to me. Everything else was also very interesting. You also told me that my past life reading and saint joan of arc are very similar. I read the whole article after your reading and your testimony that you yourself read the article after doing my reading. There are way too many similarities to even deny anything you've told me in my reading. My honest reaction was crying after reading that article. Like I don't know why but i was crying. Like oh she did so much for the country and at the end she got executed by the enemy and the people she trusted did nothing to help her. It was sad. And I don't know but even if i was such a great and famous person i didn't live a life that could be called happy? Or great? But to be honest everything you said was right there in the article. Like i could see visions by archangel micheal's and people used to call me demonic and my past life's timeline was around 11th to 14th century. These all things are there in history of joan de arc. She died at the age of 19 and I'm reading this at 19. Coincidence, I THINK NOT. To be honest I'm trying my best to deny this but i cannot. It's all so true and factual and the history itself is the evidence that I can't deny this. My past life was pretty much predetermined but I'm grateful that now I'm born in an era where i can do whatever i want and be whoever i choose to become. It was great to know about my heroic past life. Pretty much still can't believe it but I'm trying to 🥹. And thanks to you that i can get to know about past life because without you i wouldn't have even known jeon de arc.

Sending you a warm hug and blessings for the wonderful service you provide with so much care and enthusiasm. I never regret buying any thing from you. I hope you're having a good rest after doing so many readings. Take care as always. Bye

Thank you so much for this detailed feedback. I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. You know it's strange because after I finished your reading. I only looked up "female knight" on Google and the article about Saint Joan of Arc came up. Coincidence? I think not.

I already told ya my subliminals are really powerful haha 😆

ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!

[lalazeewrites]

Tag Game Tuesday: The MySpace Survey ⭐️

OMG this made me miss MySpace so much! Truly, we really were out there filling out 100 question quizzes!! Thank you for tagging meeee @celestialmickey @metalheadmickey @gardenerian 🥰✨

what’s your name? Lala/Larisa—Lala is my real life nickname since high school and now I’m 35 and I’ve never grown out of it lol 💖

your sun sign: Cancer 🦀

the last song you listened to: Gay Thoughts by The Growlers 🍆

what are you wearing right now? Dusky pink sweatshorts & a cream tee that says ‘love wins’ in mellow muted rainbow letters

how tall are you? 5’8 😘

piercings? 2 in ears (RIP used to be 6 til I had a baby)

tattoos? 3 with 2 booked on deck

glasses? contacts? Glasses always—I am VERY blind 🦇

last drink: Water! Because I told Mel I’d drink water alongside in solidarity lol 🧊

last thing you ate: Bowl of raspberries & strawberries. I have Norovirus and ate NOTHING yesterday so today I’m trying to incorporate some gentle food… 🍓

favorite color: Yellow & Pink! 💖

any pets? Two meow meows.

do you have a crush on anyone? Nuooo, my intention is to not have any crushes for a good many years, maybe ‘til my kid is in high school lol

favorite fictional character: EVER? Elle Woods maybe? So hard. 💃🏼

a movie you think everyone should watch: The Fall (2006) with Lee Pace.

a book you think everyone should read: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck 💅🏻

the last place you traveled: Wisconsin Dells with my girl for her 9th bday this time last year (I’m not counting just places I drive to, I’m counting an actual Event lol) 🌊

something you’re looking forward to: Doing up my daughters tenth birthday party + sleepover in the beginning of April! I’m definitely the “go all out” mom, so I have masses of decorations to do up the house, everything ready for goodie bags, cakes ordered, gotta practice the cupcake recipe I’m also gonna use etc. THEN once my back is fully healed, my kid requested a mommy-daughter date in Chicago, so I can’t wait to do all the fun things with her! 💁🏼‍♀️💞👧🏻

[masonhawth0rne]

What I read in February

I had intended to post this much earlier in the month, but what can you do (aside from doing the thing when you think of it, instead of putting it off for first thing tomorrow, I promise!) Oh well, who's counting?

Anyways, here we go!

Beneath Strange Lights, Vivian Valentine ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Search for the Green River Killer (nf), Carlton Smith & Tomas Guillen ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Trace Evidence (nf), Bruce Henderson ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Red X, David Demchuk ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Gate of Ivrel, CJ Cherryh ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Persuasion, Jane Austen ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ghosts of Tomorrow, Michael R Fletcher ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Kill Your Husbands, Jack Heath ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (ss), Washington Irving ⭐️⭐️

Corrupted Vessels, Briar Ripley Page ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ada Blackjack (nf), Jennifer Niven ⭐️⭐️

Time to Orbit: Unknown, Derin Edala ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Splinter, Jasper Hyde ⭐️

Writing Great Fiction (nf), James Hynes ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Original Sin, Derin Edala ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Infinity Wars Anthology, ed Jonathan Strahan ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Started off strong this month, Beneath Strange Lights by Vivian Valentine was a really great surprise--I'm not super into young adultish books most of the time, but the voice and characterisation of this one were really outstanding, and the way that it plays with eldrich and cosmic horror was extremely well done. The friendships between the characters were endearing without being overly saccharine, and overall it was just really well done, I'll definitely be looking forward to the sequel. (Oh and also the main character is a trans girl!)

Red X by David Demchuk was also a really strong book. It's a pretty challenging read given its close attention to violence against and among the LGBT+ community in Canada, as well as its very interesting interpolation of semi-fictionalised autobiographical elements into the narrative. It was really worthwhile, even though it was almost impossible to get ahold of it in Australia (reminds me I need to ask my library to order a copy!) But I would recommend making sure you're in a good headspace before you start this one.

And there are two older stories that I hadn't read before, Persuasion by Jane Austen, and The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, by Washington Irving.

I've got to say, I'm a bit disappointed with all the Austen-heads in my life that they never pushed Persuasion to the front of the line! It's a second-chance romance with an older cast than the other Austen books I've read so far, and I think it's really a strong contender for my top Austen book! It's got its sad and heartwarming moments, and the Great Big Letter Declaring His Love is, honestly, probably beating out Darcy's hash of things in P&P. This is a great book! It's a shame it gets overshadowed!

Sleepy Hollow, Sleepy Hollow. What can I say about The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. How about, first off, I've never been able to sit through a whole movie or show adaptation of this story without getting bored halfway through. Not sure what exactly it is about them, but I just bounce right off. Now I read the story, and discover that every adaptation has taken the bold decision to do the exact opposite of the story? This doesn't mean that I enjoyed the short story! I found it...fine. A little bit boring. But short!! There was some nice descriptive language, but overall, not what I wanted to be doing with my time. But I am still befuddled and bemused; how does a short story about how silly and gullible it is to believe in ghosts get turned around and adapted into an avalanche of 'OMG! the ghost is REAL!' movies and shows? I don't get it!

Anyhow, that's that for February! Overall, it was a pretty good time!

ss=short story nf=non-fiction

Stars awarded at my whim.

[uglypastels]

(i literally typed this into my notes so i could keep going back to the chapter to make sure i didn’t forget anything and i still feel like i’m forgetting smth and i think it pasted weird so. my bad)

okay so first things first, comments on ch. 7

-amazing. amazing. amazing. amazing. wtf. this fic is like crack and i’m abt to change my address to the inside of your walls

-omg the dream with munson being a total sweetheart!!

-the kiss then slap then second kiss!!?!! (also OH MY GOD THEY FINALLY KISSED)

-and he knew she was going through his shit and reading his letter and even tho he was mad he held it back to first make sure she was okay

-and while they were arguing he still was trying to look out for her and *literally* catching her fall and holding her up (i could die).

-i love him being a little bossy bitch and the slight manhandling like😳😏😔😩 don’t get me wrong i love bossy/dom!eddie fics but they don’t hit as hard if he’s not got a brat to tame…so this is like perfect. (and if u felt so inclined to include even a little more manhandling going forward, i personally would melt this fic down and shoot it into my veins. if not, that’s okay too!)

now some lingering questions that are eating me alive that i’m SO looking forward to getting answers to

-what the fuck did munson give harrington a choice on if not ignore her or die?? what tf did eddie even say to him!!?

-reader wasn’t supposed to be on the ship!?

-reader’s crew did something horrible, possibly to munson and his crew??

also 👉👈 i saw u answered an ask that there could be a nsfw scene and i am begging with my whole heart🥺

peeps, dont read this ask if you havent caught up on Not Wholly Evil

i dont think the walls in my house are big enough but hey, you do you <3 you would mostly get to experience me sitting at my computer for 5 hours straight, constantly getting distracted and then annoyed that I'm not making any progress in the story haha

he is a sweetheaart, deep deep down, but ya know, it's hard to show that when the lady kinda hates your guts

im sorry but idk what she was thinking, it wasn't slick lol, and it is his ship so he knows everything that happens around.

im such a whore for manhandling and i had originally included more of it in the fic but i also don't want to make it like too aggressive because don't want it to get too dark (you should have seen my original draft. she went fucking through it yikes) but yeah i mean stuff might happen who knows (i don't. the planning for this fic is abysmal) and the same goes for the smut.

see the thing i think happened (i say as if im an oracle writing down these events and not making it fucking up in my own head dafuq) but ok- so the thing with Eddie is, he's a bit of a maniac, and i feel like he thinks he gave steve a choice, which was probably consisting of mainly threats, but it was technically a choice + i steve absolutely knew what eddie was up to so he just let it slide because fuck ok, get yo girl i guess.

hey, i said it from the very first chapter! its all in their baby

and about that last question... you'll have to wait and see

ok, so, this was such a treat to wake up to!!! thank you so much for the asks you do not understand how much i love answering these

[mkgtweety]

HOW TO MAKE A PUZZLE PICTURE FRAME!!!!

HEY, DIGITAL PEEPS OUT IN THE WEB WORLD!!!! IT IS mkgtweety HERE!!!! THIS POST FOR THIS CRAFT CALLED: "PUZZLE PICTURE FRAME" WAS GOING TO BE POSTED AS A CRAFT TO MAKE DURING THE "PANDEMIC" IN APR. "2020"!!!! THE IDEA FOR THIS CRAFT CAME FROM A GIRL SCOUT CAMP {YES, DIGITAL PEEPS, I WAS GIRL SCOUT FROM 1st GRADE 'TIL I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL IN: "02"!!!! I EVEN GOT MY SILVER AWARD [SPRING OF "98" WHEN I WAS IN 8th GRADE] AND GOLD AWARD [SPRING OF "02" WHEN I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL] VERY PROUD STILL THAT I WAZ ABLE TO WORK ON GETTING BOTH AWARDS!!!! I PUT MY BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS INTO MY PROJECTS, DIGITAL PEEPS!!!!} I WENT TO WHEN I WAS YOUNGER AND IN SCOUTS!!!! THE CAMP WAS CALLED: "CAMP REDWING"!!!! IT WAS LIKE 55 mins. TO AN HOUR AWAY FROM WHERE I LIVED!!!!

AT THE CAMP, WE WOULD HAVE "ARTS & CRAFTS" TIME!!!! THIS 1 TIME DURING "ARTS & CRAFTS" TIME, WE DID THIS CRAFT THAT THIS POST IS 'BOUT!!!! I REMEMBERED HOW TO DO THIS CRAFT IF I EVER WANTED TO MAKE THIS CRAFT AGAIN!!!! FAST FORWARD TO WHEN I WAS DOING MY SILVER AWARD PROJECT!!!! MY PROJECT, WHICH HAD TO DO W/ ME MAKING A CRAFTING VID FOR THE LOCAL BROWNIE AND JUNIOR TROOPS OF SOUTHWESTERN PENNSYLVANIA CUZ THE BIG WIG GIRL SCOUT OFFICES OF PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA, I HEARD HAD A LENDING LIBRARY PROGRAM THING SO THAT LEADERS CAN GET MATERIAL FOR THINGS LIKE BADGES AND WHATNOT!!!! I THOUGHT THE VID I WAS MAKING WOULD BE PERFECT FOR THEIR LIBRARY!!!! IN THE VID, WE HAD 5 CRAFTS FOR THE BROWNIE TROOPS AND 5 CRAFTS FOR THE JUNIOR TROOPS, WHICH MADE 10 CRAFTS IN TOTAL!!!! 1 OF THE CRAFTS I DID FOR THE VID IS THE CRAFT I'M WRITING 'BOUT TODAY: "PUZZLE PICTURE FRAME"!!!! WEEKS AFTER I TURNED IN MY PROJECT TO THE GIRL SCOUT BIG WIG OFFICES IN PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA, I WAZ TOLD IN A LETTER ADDRESSED TO ME THAT THEY LOVED MY PROJECT, AND I GOT APPROVED TO GET MY SILVER AWARD!!!! ALSO, THIS CRAFT IS A GREAT CRAFT IF YOU HAVE A DAY CAMP OR SUMMER CAMP FOR CHILDREN!!!!

BACK TO THE POST AT HAND!!!! WHEN I STARTED WORKING ON THE CRAFT, I MADE A VID FOR YOUTUBE ON HOW TO MAKE THE CRAFT AROUND APR. OF 2020 AND I UPLOADED IT TO YOUTUBE BUT KEPT THE VID "PRIVATE"!!!! {MEANING I NEVER "PUBLISHED" IT LIVE TO YOUTUBE!!!!} SO I WENT THE OTHER DAY TO REWATCH THE VID SO I COULD SEE WHAT THE VID LOOKED LIKE AGAIN, AND I GO, "OMG!!!! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF VID DID I MAKE????" I DID A LONG INTRO {SORTA OF!!!!} AND IN IT, I TALKED 'BOUT THINGS THAT ARE NO LONGER RELEVANT NEMORE TO ME IN MY LIFE AND WHATNOT DURING THAT TIME!!!! SO, I REMADE THE VID CRAFT AND ALL!!!! WHEN I WATCHED THE PLAYBACK OF THE VID, I WAS MUCH HAPPIER W/ THE VID AND HOW IT TURNED OUT!!!!

HERE'S THE YOUTUBE LINK IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME MAKE THE CRAFT STEP-BY-STEP:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJowT3OnuV4

NOW, ONTO THE INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO MAKE THIS CRAFT!!!! ONE MORE THING: AT THE END OF THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR THIS CRAFT, I POSTED A PIC OF THE CRAFT FROM THE YOUTUBE VID I MADE OF THIS CRAFT AFTER THE GLITTER GLUE HAD TIME TO DRY AND WHATNOT!!!! ALSO, IF YOUR CRAFT STARTS TO LOOK LIKE THE PIC BELOW OR IN THE BIG PIC ABOVE, THEN YOU ARE DOING THE CRAFT RIGHT!!!!

AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE PIC ABOVE, IF YOU LOOK AT IT ON THE RIGHT SIDE, YOU WILL SEE EVERYTHING YOU NEED FOR THE CRAFT!!!! THEN, IF YOU LOOK ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE PIC, YOU'LL SEE WHAT EACH STEP LOOKS LIKE WHEN MAKING THIS CRAFT!!!! IF THE CRAFT YOU'RE MAKING IS STARTING TO LOOK LIKE THE PIC ABOVE, THEN YOU'RE DOING THE CRAFT RIGHT!!!!

IF YOU HAVE A HARD TIME READING WHAT THE PIC SAYS ABOUT WHAT YOU NEED FOR THE CRAFT HERE IT IS:

**8 REGULAR POPSICLE STICKS. {AS YOU SEE IN THE PIC ABOVE!!!! DON'T USE THE "FAT" KIND!!!! IT'S BETTER TO USE THE REGULAR KIND!!!!}**

~~ANY COLOR OF GLITTER GLUE YOU WANT TO USE. {AS YOU SEE IN THE PIC ABOVE!!!! YOU CAN USE A BOTTLE OF LIQUID WHITE GLUE LIKE "ELMER'S" OR TACKY GLUE LIKE "ALEENE'S" AND A BOTTLE OF LOOSE GLITTER IF THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE!!!! BUT GLITTER GLUE IS GOING TO BE YOUR BESTIE FOR THIS CRAFT!!!! IT'S LESS MESSY THAN USING A BOTTLE OF LIQUID GLUE AND LOOSE GLITTER AND THEN SHAKING OFF THE EXCESS MAKING A MESS IN THE PROCESS!!!! AND YOU CONTROL WHERE YOUR GLITTER GLUE GOES CUZ SOMETIMES REGULAR LOOSE GLITTER CAN GO WHERE YOU DON'T WANT IT TO GO!!!!}~~

**HOT GLUE, REGULAR WHITE GLUE LIKE "ELMER'S" OR TACKY GLUE LIKE "ALEENE'S". {AS YOU SEE IN THE PIC ABOVE!!!! HOT GLUE WORKS THE BEST FOR THIS CRAFT CUZ IT MAKES PUTTING THE CRAFT TOGETHER A WHOLE LOT FASTER!!!! "IF" YOU USE WHITE LIQUID GLUE LIKE "ELMER'S" OR TACKY GLUE LIKE "ALEENE'S" YOU'LL HAVE TO LET EACH STEP DRY BEFORE GOING ONTO THE NEXT STEP!!!! IF YOU DON'T, YOUR CRAFT WILL SLIP AND SLIDE AND GET MESSED UP, AND YOU DON'T WANT THAT!!!! ****REMEMBER****: WHEN USING HOT GLUE, IT CAN BURN!!!! MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ADULT SUPERVISION!!!!**

~~NEWSPAPER OR A PLASTIC TABLECLOTH TO COVER YOUR WORK AREA. YOU CAN ALSO USE BROWN OR WHITE CRAFT PAPER IF YOU HAVE IT INSTEAD. {WHEN DOING CERTAIN KINDS OF CRAFTS, IT'S BEST TO COVER YOUR WORK AREA TO KEEP IT CLEAN FOR EASY CLEANUP AFTER YOU'VE MADE YOUR CRAFT!!!! ****ESPECIALLY**** IF YOU'RE USING LOOSE GLITTER AND THE LIQUID GLUE METHOD!!!!}~~

**CIRCLE MAGNETS {LIKE YOU SEE IN THE PIC ABOVE!!!! IF YOU WANT TO MAKE YOUR CRAFT MORE OF A MAGNET FOR YOUR FRIDGE!!!! MAKE SURE YOU USE HEAVY MAGNETS CUZ YOUR FRAME WILL FALL WITH WIMPY ONES!!!! THE HEAVY MAGNETS LIKE THE CIRCLE ONES WILL BE YOUR BESTIE FOR THIS CRAFT!!!!} OR YOUR FAVORITE PICTURE THAT YOU LIKE IF YOU WANT IT MORE LIKE A PICTURE FRAME, OR YOU CAN DO BOTH IF YOU WANT YOUR FRAME TO BE A PICTURE FRAME W/ MAGNETS FOR YOUR FRIDGE!!!!**

~~16 TO 12 SMALL PUZZLE PIECES. {AS YOU SEE IN THE PIC ABOVE!!!! YOU CAN USE A PUZZLE THAT YOU HAVE THAT'S OLD THAT YOU DON'T USE ANYMORE, OR YOU CAN USE A PUZZLE THAT HAS SOME MISSING PIECES!!!! YOU CAN USE A BRAND NEW PUZZLE IF YOU WISH, BUT IT'S BETTER TO USE AN OLD 1 AND NOT A NEW 1!!!!} NOW, "IF" YOUR PUZZLE PIECES ARE 1 1/2in. IN SIZE, THEN ONLY USE 12 PUZZLE PIECES FOR YOUR CRAFT!!!! "IF" YOUR PUZZLE PIECES R SMALLER, THEN USE 16 PUZZLE PIECES!!!! IT'S BEST TO USE 16 SMALL PUZZLE PIECES!!!! IT MAKES YOUR CRAFT MUCH CUTER AND GIVES YOUR FRAME SOME INTEREST TO IT!!!!~~

HERE'S HOW YOU MAKE YOUR CRAFT: {****REMEMBER**** BEFORE STARTING YOUR CRAFT, MAKE SURE TO COVER YOUR WORK AREA W/ EITHER NEWSPAPER, BROWN OR WHITE CRAFTING PAPER, OR A PLASTIC TABLECLOTH!!!! IT WILL MAKE CLEANING UP AFTER MAKING YOUR CRAFT SO MUCH EASIER, DIGITAL PEEPS!!!! PLUS, MOM OR DAD WILL BE HAPPY THAT YOUR AREA WILL BE NICE AND CLEAN AFTER YOU HAVE MADE YOUR CRAFT!!!! ****ESPECIALLY**** AFTER YOU USE LOOSE GLITTER AND LIQUID WHITE GLUE LIKE "ELMERS"!!!!}

1. TAKE 2 POPSICLE STICKS AND PLACE A BEAD OF GLUE DOWN 1 SIDE AND TAKE ANOTHER POPSICLE STICK AND BUTT IT UP RIGHT UP AGAINST THE BEAD OF GLUE!!!! DO THIS W/ THE REST OF YOUR POPSICLE STICKS. IF YOU LOOK AT THE PIC ABOVE ON THE LEFT, YOU'LL SEE WHAT I MEAN!!!! YOU SHOULD NOW HAVE 4 SETS OF STICKS W/ 2 STICKS EACH GLUED TOGETHER!!!! LET DRY!!!! "IF" USING HOT GLUE, GO ON TO THE NEXT STEP!!!! "IF" USING LIQUID GLUE, LET ALL YOUR PIECES DRY THOROUGHLY BEFORE MOVING ON TO THE NEXT STEP!!!!

2. NOW THAT YOUR STICK SETS ARE DRY, TAKE THEM AND GLUE THEM INTO A FRAME, AS YOU SEE IN THE PIC ABOVE!!!! LET DRY!!!! "IF" USING HOT GLUE, GO ON 2 THE NEXT STEP!!!! "IF" USING LIQUID GLUE, LET ALL YOUR PIECES DRY THOROUGHLY BEFORE MOVING ON TO THE NEXT STEP!!!!

3. NOW THAT YOUR "FRAME" IS DRIED, YOU ARE READY FOR THE NEXT STEP: GLUEING THE PUZZLE PIECES ONTO YOUR FRAME!!!! PLACE A DOT OF GLUE ON THE BACK OF A PUZZLE PIECE, THEN TAKE YOUR PUZZLE PIECE, AND STARTING ON THE CORNER, GLUE YOUR PUZZLE PIECE DOWN!!!! CONTINUE GLUEING THE REST OF YOUR PUZZLE PIECES, AS YOU SEE IN THE PIC ABOVE OR BELOW!!!! LET DRY!!!! "IF" USING HOT GLUE, GO ON 2 THE NEXT STEP!!!! "IF" USING LIQUID GLUE, LET ALL YOUR PUZZLE PIECES DRY THOROUGHLY ONTO YOUR FRAME BEFORE MOVING ON TO THE NEXT STEP!!!!

4. AFTER GLUEING AND LETTING YOUR PUZZLE PIECES DRY ON YOUR FRAME, IT'S GLITTER TIME!!!! YES, DIGITAL PEEPS, IT'S THE BEST TIME EVER!!!! PUTTING GLITTER ONTO YOUR FRAME!!!! THERE ARE 2 TYPES OF GLITTER YOU CAN USE ON YOUR FRAME: 1 IS: "GLITTER GLUE"!!!! THIS GLITTER IS THE BEST TYPE OF GLITTER TO USE FOR THIS CRAFT!!!! IT'S LESS MESSIER THAN USING LOOSE GLITTER AND LIQUID WHITE GLUE LIKE "ELMER'S"!!!! THE 2nd TYPE OF GLITTER IS: "LOOSE GLITTER"!!!! THIS KIND COMES IN SHAKER-TOP BOTTLES, VILES, OR BAGS!!!! ALSO, YOU HAVE TO USE AN ADHESIVE LIKE LIQUID WHITE GLUE LIKE "ELMER'S" OR A "TACKY GLUE" LIKE "ALEENE'S" TO MAKE THE GLITTER HAVE SOMETHING TO STICK TO!!!! WHAT COLOR OF GLITTER AND WHAT GLITTER METHOD YOU CHOOSE TO USE IS UP TO YOU!!!!

A: GLITTER GLUE METHOD: STARTING AT 1 OF THE CORNERS, PLACE A BEAD OF GLITTER GLUE DOWN THE CENTER OF YOUR PUZZLE PIECES/FRAME!!!! YOUR BEAD OF GLITTER GLUE SHOULD END WHERE YOU STARTED YOUR BEAD FROM!!!! LET YOUR GLITTER GLUE DRY COMPLETELY BEFORE MOVING ON TO THE NEXT STEP!!!!

B: LOOSE GLITTER METHOD: STARTING AT 1 OF THE CORNERS, PLACE A BEAD OF GLUE LIKE "ELMER'S" OR A "TACKY GLUE" LIKE "ALEENE'S" DOWN THE CENTER OF YOUR PUZZLE PIECES/FRAME!!!! YOUR BEAD OF GLUE SHOULD END WHERE YOU STARTED YOUR BEAD FROM!!!! NEXT, TAKE YOUR GLITTER AND SHAKE OR SPRINKLE IT ONTO YOUR BEAD OF GLUE!!!! THEN, TAKE YOUR WHOLE FRAME AND SHAKE OR GENTLY TAP OFF THE EXCESS GLITTER!!!! LET YOUR GLITTER DRY COMPLETELY BEFORE MOVING ON TO THE NEXT STEP!!!!

SEE THE PIC ABOVE OR BELOW TO SEE WHAT THE GLITTER LOOKS LIKE ON THE FRAME!!!!

5. AFTER YOUR GLITTER HAS DRIED ON YOUR FRAME, YOU ARE READY TO FINISH OFF YOUR FRAME IF YOU WISH!!!!

YOU CAN:

A: USE SMALL ROUND MAGNETS TO THE BACK OF YOUR FRAME TO MAKE IT A FRIDGE MAGNET!!!! ROUND SMALL MAGNETS WORK BEST CUZ YOUR FRAME IS SORTA OF HEAVY, AND YOU NEED A HEAVY MAGNET SO IT WILL STAY ON YOUR FRIDGE AND NOT FALL!!!!

OR

B. GLUE OR TAPE A PIC TO YOUR FRAME IF YOU WANT MORE OF "PICTURE" FRAME VIBE!!!!

OR

C. YOU CAN PLACE BOTH MAGNETS AND A PIC IF YOU WANT TO MAKE YOUR FRAME MORE OF A "MAGNETIC PICTURE FRAME" FOR YOUR FRIDGE!!!!

NOW YOU ARE ALL DONE WITH YOUR FRAME!!!!

YOU CAN ALSO MAKE CRAFT KITS OF THIS CRAFT!!!! ALL YOU NEED IS THE FOLLOWING FOR EACH KIT:

1. ZIP TOP SANDWICH BAGGIE.

2. 8 REGULAR POPSICLE STICKS.

3. 16 TO 12 SMALL PUZZLE PIECES. "IF" YOUR PUZZLE PIECES ARE 1 1/2in. IN SIZE, THEN ONLY USE 12 PUZZLE PIECES FOR EACH KIT!!!! "IF" YOUR PUZZLE PIECES R SMALLER, THEN USE 16 PUZZLE PIECES FOR EACH KIT!!!!

4. A COPY OF THE DIRECTIONS TO MAKE THIS CRAFT. MAKE SURE YOU SAY IN YOUR DIRECTIONS THAT THEY NEED GLUE {VIA LIQUID GLUE LIKE "ELMERS" OR HOT GLUE!!!!}, GLITTER GLUE OR LOOSE GLITTER IN ANY COLOR THEY WANT, AND SOME MAGNETS OR A PIC OF THEIR CHOICE IF THEY WANT TO MAKE THE FRAME INTO A MAGNET FOR THE FRIDGE OR MORE OF A PICTURE FRAME, OR USE BOTH AND MAKE IT INTO A MAGNETIC PICTURE FRAME!!!!

I HOPE YOU HAVE ENJOYED THIS CRAFT!!!! AS YOU CAN SEE, THIS CRAFT IS EASY TO MAKE AND IS BUDGET-FRIENDLY AS WELL!!!! BELOW IS A PIC I TOOK OF THE CRAFT WHEN IT WAS ALL DONE AND DRIED!!!! I USE THE PIC AS THE THUMBNAIL FOR THE YOUTUBE VID I MADE ON HOW TO MAKE THE CRAFT!!!! IF YOUR CRAFT STARTS TO LOOK LIKE THE PIC BELOW, THEN YOU ARE DOING THE CRAFT RIGHT!!!!

[always-andromeda]

hi meda!

thank you so much for the lovely response to my last ask - I always look forward to hearing from you! 🥰

and your experience with the titanic exhibit is absolutely relatable and you really articulated that kind of very strange feeling that I've also gotten in historic places. like, sometimes when I'm in a museum or something and I see an everyday object like a bowl or a needle or even the remnants of a textile, I just get so emotional?? like someone made that? someone used that?? someone loved that??? 🥹🥹 idk it just makes me feel this odd mix of both joy and sadness that you described so perfectly. oh and omg when there's like toys or dolls or like things people made for their pets??????? I'm such a goner. just, as someone who gets very attached to inanimate objects like my plushies I just think about the people who might have held and played with and loved them and how we share this connection across time of like, loving this thing. idk if I'm explaining this well, but basically I'm trying to say that I totally agree with you!! 😅 Also, the pictures are so cool - those room recreations are amazing!!

oh okay and also because I apparently cannot shut up about this: I've started collecting old photos from antique shops for similar reasons. like ahhhh I just can't quite explain it, but like looking at these people from the past who I don't know and likely will never know, yet knowing that these photographs meant something to them???? idk it just feels like such an honor to be the caretaker of these memories (okay I'll be done talking about this now 😅)

but how have you been doing, lovely meda? I hope your summer is off to a wonderful start! ☺️

and, finally, for the soft asks: paper, october, sapphos, plush, poppy, and/or roses 💐 (of course, only if you want, and please only do the ones that you would like to ☺️)

sending so much love always,

charlotte 🎨

Hey, Charlotte!! This last week I was actually at my mother's house, which was pretty nice since it's been a while since I'd seen her. I managed to get a decent amount of writing done and every night we made dinner and got to watch some documentary together and look at old photos. Those bits were really fun and I really needed the decompression. How has your summer been going so far?? ☺️

And oh my gosh, I absolutely relate with your description of how you feel about old trinkets and photos!! I get the exact same way!! You talking about those photos reminds me of when I started to kind of collect old postcards for a while? Mostly because I found this little museum that was selling them. And because it's entirely illegal to sell mail like that, the owner had half heartedly scribbled out the words on the backs.

But you could absolutely still read them. And it was always people just talking about what they had been doing in whatever place they'd traveled to and hoping that folks at home were doing alright.

I'm a huge letter writer so it always fills me with a special kind of sentimentality seeing the words of these other people. Like these people have these rich and complex lives that I'll never get to know but in those moments, I get a glimpse of it.

Humans are just so sweet and so adorable. And maybe it's the neurodivergence in me and the fact that I've always felt a little disconnected from most people, but getting to see those little bits makes me feel part of a greater whole, ya know?

And lol, I answered all of your soft asks because I loved all of these questions!!

Paper ⭐︎ Favorite children's book?

Whoo boy, this sent me on a mini nostalgia trip. When my younger brother was little, I would read him bedtime stories almost every single night. And I think my favorite one to read to him was Knuffle Bunny. The story is about a toddler named Trixie who, while on a walk with her father, loses her precious stuffed bunny rabbit. The whole book is her struggle to communicate this tragedy to her parents and them rushing to search for her rabbit. It's part of this whole trilogy that follows Trixie as she gets older and I have such fondness for it. I genuinely recommend checking it out!!

October ⭐︎ What month were you born in?

July!! Specifically, my birthday is July 31st!!

Sapphos ⭐︎ Favorite poet?

I don't have an all time favorite poet exactly? Every few months, I'll just get super hyper fixated on a poet and want to learn everything I can about them? I've done this with Edgar Allan Poe, W.H. Auden, Walt Whitman, Louise Gluck, Ellen Bass, Wendy Cope, and so many more poets.

Plush ⭐︎ How many stuffed animals do you still own?

Too many to count!! On my bed right now...I'm pretty sure I have ten? Plus my army of eight Palm Pals? I just love all of them, especially since half of them are plushes that I've had since I was basically a baby? They're my favorite.

Poppy ⭐︎ Favorite pastel color?

I love a good mix of pastel pink and yellow together. It gives me strawberry lemonade vibes and I love it so much.

Roses ⭐︎ What flower do you find most beautiful?

Marigolds, all the way. My grandmother used to plant them in her garden every spring and being at her house for those plantings are kind of a core memory for me os I've always loved them.