#and also maybe everyone tired of it already
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scandal (l.c)
pairing: idol!reader x idol!chan
preview: you got into a dating scandal with another idol and chan is not happy. it should've been him, he's your actual boyfriend after all.
tags/warnings: fem reader, mentions of beomgyu and other idols, possessive chan, kisses galore, pet names (pretty, baby, my love, angel), oral (fem.receiving), holding hands while fucking, so much praise, monster cock chan, marking, did i say possessive?, unprotected penetration (wrap it before you tap it), creampie
trigger warnings: n/a
wc: 1.8k
song rec for this fic: obsession by exo
a/n: i tried making fake tweets + texts for this how did i do? also i just threw in random female idols to make a fake group lol
you sigh, putting your phone down and rubbing your temples. dating as an idol is so tiring and sometimes you honestly forget why you even try. but you love your boyfriend so much. beomgyu is your good friend and sometimes you fail to remember to be sneaky when hanging out. even small things like going out to eat together makes fans assume you’re madly in love. this isn’t the first time you’ve been roped into media with beomgyu and you’re certain it won’t be the last.
with your swift rise to fame, you’ve had many dating scandals in your time. what pisses chan off the most is the fact that it’s never been him that you’ve had a scandal with. you’ve gone out on many public dates before and no one has ever picked up on the fact that you’re together. he even kissed you in the view of a sasaeng one time and they didn’t notice. he wonders if it’s intentional on the media’s part or if they’re seriously just that oblivious.
you run your hand through your hair, trying to fathom why the general public knowing about your relationship is so important to him. everyone within the industry knows so why does everyone else have to? relationships can ruin idol reputations and he doesn’t seem to care. maybe it’s because you’re both already so big that he’s not worried? or he’s hoping your fans are just accepting enough to be okay with it?
your members come wandering into the living room and you’re quick to compose yourself. you don’t want them to know you’re having relationship problems again. “you okay, y/n?” minji asks you, concern spreading on her face. you nod and smile to the best of your abilities. “hmm, i don’t believe you but we have schedules so i’m not gonna push,” karina shakes her head before gesturing for you to follow the group out the door. you gather your things and do your best not to think about anything but the late night ahead of you.
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after a late night at dance practice you finally get the time to check your phone. you know chan had a fansign today so you decide to check on some of his fan accounts. you smile as you’re met with cute photos of him posing with gifts from fans. you find lots of updates on things he said as well. his current favorite movies, foods, tv shows and… songs. of course he mentions you. it’s cute that he listens to your music and likes to promote you to fans.
you jump as you realize sana is perched over your shoulder, reading your text messages. “he’s gonna get in trouble when people realize he keeps talking about you,” she comments, clicking her tongue. you sigh dramatically, slouching your shoulders. “that’s what he wants.” suddenly all your members are gathered around you, confused as to what you’re talking about. “i got into another scandal with beomgyu and chan is jealous that it’s not him. so he’s putting in extra effort to try and get people to assume things.” your members share a weird look between them before turning back to you. “i think you should go on the most public date ever and make sure everyone knows you’re with lee chan of seventeen,” lily smiles brightly at you. this comment shocks you a little but you agree.
“will you guys help me set up a giant celebration at the restaurant under our dorm?” you ask and they all agree excitedly. you all rush to get back to your dorm, eager to plan an extravagant dinner for you and your boyfriend. you talk to the owners of the restaurant and they agree to vacate the restaurant for you. they even promise to make food on the house. your girls help you pick the perfect outfit, hair and makeup for the event. they even “accidentally” tell a well known media outlet that you have plans for tomorrow and they should be there.
___________________________________________
you sit in eager anticipation waiting for your boyfriend to show up. you can see a photographer out of the corner of your eye, waiting for something to happen. you hear the backdoor open and chan walks in, confidence filling his every step. your eyes fall on the suit he chose for tonight. he left his blazer undone, showing off that the buttons resting on his chest were begging to burst open.
“hello, my love,” he says as he pecks your cheek before sitting down across from you. “what’s the occasion for such a fancy dinner?” his face changes to panic for a moment before he speaks again; “did i miss our anniversary? your birthday?” you shake your head and chuckle just as a waitress comes scurrying out of the kitchen with pre prepared food. you thank her and shoot her a quick wink before turning back to your lover. chan looks at you with an unreadable expression, but you hope it’s positive.
the two of you eat your food happily, the atmosphere feeling very comfortable. your share anecdotes from your lives as idols, laughing that the ridiculousness of your respective companies. before long, your meal is coming to an end. chan gives you a look you know all too well and you’re quick to scurry away, up the stairs and to your dorm. your boyfriend follows swiftly behind you after thanking all the staff.
you thank your members mentally as you enter your normally occupied dorm. as soon as the door is closed, chan’s hands are on you. he drags you by your hips, crashing you against him. he kisses you with such aggression that you would think he was trying to eat you. your tongues tangle like snakes, drool spilling from the corner of your mouth. “fuck, baby. you’re so sexy, you know that?” he connects his lips to your jawline, sucking on your skin gently. he sucks dark red marks on your collar bones, taking a moment to lean back and admire his work.
“jump,” he mutters as he hooks his hands under your thighs. you hop and he catches you before quickly scurrying towards your room. he lays you down on your bed, pressing your legs wide open. he groans as he realizes you aren’t wearing any panties. you bite your lip as he admires you. “stop fucking me with your eyes and fuck me for real,” you demand. chan drops to his knees in front of you, desperation filling his eyes. you lift yourself onto your elbows so you can see him better. he kisses his way up your thighs before meeting his lips with your drenched core.
his skilled tongue darts out to circle your clit, small whines escaping from your throat. he grips your thighs, holding you exactly where he wants you. he slurps and drinks you up as you twitch and squirm under him. he focuses his attention on your sensitive clit, rubbing his tongue back and forth over it. “channie, please please ple-ah,” he silences you with a harsh smack to your inner thigh. “let me enjoy your cunt. god, i love that you’re mine,” he presses kisses against your slit, licking a fat stripe up it to follow. “fucking mine.”
he grazes his teeth over your clit, drinking in the way you squeak and raise your hips towards his mouth. your hands fly to his hair and drag his mouth back to you. he chuckles before he wraps his lips around your clit, sucking on it before letting it go with a small ‘pop.’ you grind your core against his face, his nose brushing your clit as you get more and more desperate for release. “you have the most perfect pussy, baby. could eat you forever.”
a low moan slips from his lips as he watches you clench around nothing at his words. he places one final kiss to your core before rising off his knees. “you’re so tasty, angel. but i think i might explode if i don’t get inside you.” he reaches down to undo his pants and let them pool around his ankles. he aligns himself with your desperate hole before pressing in gently. “my pretty, pretty girl.” he grabs your hands and intertwines all ten of your fingers with his. a gesture like this always felt so romantic to you.
he arms flex in reaction as you clench around him in an eager effort to get him to move. he draws his hips back slowly before returning himself to the hilt. your eyes cross and your back arches off the bed as he repeats this ritual over and over before he can’t take the slow pace anymore. he tightens his grip on your hands as he speeds up, the sounds of skin slapping filling the room. he stares between the two of you, watching as he disappears and reappears between your legs.”fuck, baby. you’re all mine. i don’t care what the media says. i’m the one fucking you. not beomgyu, me.” you nod your head, panting like a dog in the summer heat. “say it. who does this pussy belong to?” he thrusts into you faster, as if to make it harder for you to answer. “y-you, chan. fuck, it’s all yours.”
he lets go of your hands and opts to wrap his arms around your waist, pressing his face into your chest. he ruts into you with such vigor you think you might snap in half. he lifts you partially off the bed so you’re kind of sitting in his lap. your grind down on him, desperate for more. “channie… god, need it so bad,” you plead, your orgasm threatening to rip its way out of you. he runs his tongue between the valley of your breasts before pulling back to look at your face.
“keep eye contact with me while you finish. let me see how fucking good i make you feel.” you nod, digging your teeth into your bottom lip as he connects the pad of his thumb to your clit. you let out a deep sigh and fight your hardest not to throw your head back. the way chan looks at you through his sweaty bangs has you seeing stars. “cumming. oh my god i’m cumming,” you cry out as your whole body spasms. “yeah, that’s it baby. squeeze my cock like that.” your arms give out and you fall back onto the bed, gripping the sheets until your knuckles turn white.
your lover’s orgasm is quick to follow, ropes of cum painting your walls white. he moans and whines out your name like a hymn, gripping your waist so hard you might bruise. you twitch as he rides out the last of his high before stilling completely. he pulls out of you slowly before laying next to you. he pulls you tightly against him, panting slightly as he settles. “i promise i don’t care what the media says. i love you."
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© lomlhwa 2024
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A JINX ARC 3 CHARACTER STUDY
Arcane act 3 served as a brutal reminder to just how impactful Isha was to Jinx mental health
Season 2 starts after Jinx just killed Silco and attached the leadership of Piltover. We see her drifting, lost, till she finds Isha. Or rather, till Isha drops on her.
And then we see a visibly lighter Jinx. She jokes around, she's more sarcastic and she seems to be lighter. She didn't even want to join the Piltover/Zaun conflict. She was, maybe, content. To just live with Isha in that little hideout, playing monster Bash with Stink Maw and the others. And when she got back into fighting, she only did it because Isha was captured.
But then Isha died and when we see Jinx in the final arc, we see probably the quietest version of the character we've ever seen. Jinx has looked angry, sad, happy and even crazy, but for the first time, we saw Jinx tired. Not the physical tired, but the mental tired. She didn't even try to escape from Cait's officers and let herself be arrested after making sure Vi was okay.
She feels like she is truly a Jinx. First, in season one her bomb caused the deaths and her eventual separation from Vi. Then she killed Silco. And then Isha, sweet Isha who loved and admired her no matter her crimes, died right in front of her.
Why did Isha's death have that much impact? What was it about Isha?
There's many reasons.
Vander and Silco had already happened by then. She never truly recovered from those losses. In Zaun, there really is no time for grief, just survival. And Jinx was a bottled up character filled with grief. Grief over a childhood lost due to her attempt to help. And then the grief over the man who took her in after that, and who died at her hand. Isha was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
Or maybe it was because Isha loved her even when she became Jinx. Her childhood friends and family loved powder. Silco loved Jinx, yes. But Silco also used Jinx in his business.
But Isha? Isha looked at Jinx, what she saw as the worst version of herself, and loved her unapologetically. Admired her, modelled herself after her and followed her everywhere. That was something she never had. And then she tried so hard, so so hard to keep that feeling, only to lose it.
Isha brought life to jinx. Don't get me wrong, Jinx was always alive. But Isha brought something Jinx didn't feel in so long. Contentment. Jinx was content at that hideout with just Isha. Jinx was never the type of character to stay in one place, even when she was powder. She had a restless soul and it showed in how she was everywhere as powder and Jinx. But with Isha, she was content to just stay in the hideout. And even when it came to leaving that safe space, she only did it for one person. Isha.
She took the death of Isha so hard, she tried killing herself. And even at the end, that loss, that sense of being tired, still never left her.
Honestly I was not surprised when she let go of Vi's glove. She had already said her goodbyes in that prison. When she told Vi "you don't need to feel guilty about being happy", she had said her goodbye. She was all done with it all. She was tired. And Isha's death was the tipping point. Even there, looking at her sister, her one family left, she was still so done. So so tired of losing everyone and thinking it was her fault. She said earlier in the season that everyone that gets close to her dies. And she looked at the one last person that was close to her, Vi. She probably remembered everyone that was close to her that she lost. Their parents. Vander. Silco. Her childhood friends. And the most recent and the one that hurt the most, Isha. She thought of them, and looked at her only sister. The only person she loved who was still alive and thought, maybe if I'm gone, she could be happy. And she went into the dark unknown.
That shows that despite everything she had been through, Jinx still could love, in her own way. She was not a perfect character. She made mistakes, was impulsive, sometimes cruel and even violent. But she was the a product of her environment. Zaun was fucked and so kept on producing fucked up children growing into that fucked up society and becoming fucked up teenagers and adults who eventually gave birth to kids and the whole cycle repeats itself.
Maybe Jinx is still alive. Maybe she's dead
But there's one thing that's for sure
Jinx is done with Piltover and Zaun. There's nothing left for here there but voices and ghosts and the one sister who she has said her goodbyes to.
It's time for Jinx and Powder to rest
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Not to play devils advocate, but I feel like lilys opinion on the usage of the n word is valid. Regardless of someone’s race, I think it’s a little backwards to dictate what someone has to say about another races cultures just because they’re white (or not of that culture), differing opinions aren’t the end of the world and hers wasn’t inherently racist I fear the same goes for the anime thing too, I’m sorry but Japan DOES have of a loli problem, even if her wording was extreme
I’m not white myself (to be fair, not black/japanese either), not that I think it matters to what I can and can’t say about this but I don’t want you to assume I am white because I somewhat defended lily, which is someone I did NOT want to run defense to but maybe I’m too conservative for this space but I mean this in the most respectful way possible, it feels like some of you are reaching on some things just to paint her in a worse light, as if she wasn’t already famously bad 😭
(Feel free to correct me, I’m not trying to be intentionally ignorant for the sake of it I’m just tired of hearing of a lot of echo chambers about the issue without getting to WHY what she says is racist when I think like pretty reasonable??)
Anon, my friend, I do not know how to break this to you, but that is racist. I know you do not mean to be. I know you're trying your best to be as inoffensive as possible. I'm going to do my very best to answer you genuinely because you seem genuine.
Saying Japan has a Loli problem is like saying America has a child pageant problem. It's there. It's a problem, but it's not something floating on the surface everyone in Japan is aware of the magnitude of. It's a niche genre of ero fiction that comes up about as much to your every day Japanese person as child pageants in America.
In the 80's there was this loli boom that took place where it split off from your more typical bishōjo into lolicon. You would find stuff like Future Boy under that genre long before you'd find any ero.
It wasn't until an otaku named Tsutomu Miyazaki was arrested in the late 80s that the darker side of loli came to the awareness of your every day Japanese person. It was a popular genre so there was a LOT of hentai of it. He killed and murdered several little girls between the ages of I think 3 to 6 and it started a panic very similar to the Satanic Panic that happened in USAmerica. He had a massive collection of anime and hentai. I mean massive. From normal things you'd see in Walmart to stuff you could only buy from very specific websites online no normal person would even know about. It wasn't just Loli that was effected though it was all anime.
It's why Otaku culture was so repressed and shameful for a long time and it even killed the Loli boom because the style was associated with the killings. It wasn't until very recently that Otaku culture made a come back, but still Loli isn't making that come back because of the online opinion on Lolicon. It's gone from an art style to something a lot darker and I think that's where the communication sort of faulters? Because if you say to a Japanese person "you have a loli problem" they're going to think you're having a Satanic Panic moment at them.
At least that's been my experience.
This whole thing is why there was the Moe boom in the 2000's, it was an over correction on the part of artists. Trying desperately to get away from that label and people taking advantage of that as well to make slop.
The rise of the Lolita in Harajuku also muddied the water on this because there's an entire beautiful subculture there that branches into a thousand different expressions. "You have a loli problem!" What's the problem with girls in frilly dresses?
You as someone online, who is adept at being online, in critical spaces and animation/anime spaces have so much more exposure to this stuff than anyone on the daily in Japan.
The entire world has a porn problem. The entire world has a sexualizing little girls problem. To point at Japan and specifically repeatedly deem the entire country as having an issue with pedophilia is racist. To go out of your way to bring it up when you're not even discussing anime or Japan is racist. When your hate and ignorance for a place and it's people bleeds into everything you do
That is racism.
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tim acting like bruce’s parent fic lets goo
It always felt so odd whenever someone called Tim Bruce's son. Yes, legally he was adopted. But that's where that starts and ends.
Dick is Bruce's son. Jason is Bruce's son. Damian is Bruce's son. Cass is Bruce's daughter. Tim was never his son, and never will be. And yet outside of Bruce and Tim himself everyone else sees Tim as his son. It's absurd since it's clearly the other way around.
"Come on Bruce, you're tired, probably starving and dehydrated, just take a break. Two hours, that's all you need. Enough to eat and drink and take a nap." Tim says tiredly to Bruce, who instead of taking his advice like a responsible person would, just grunts and goes back to tapping away at the Bat-Computer. He swears he might as well be Bruce's parent with how he has to semi gentle parent him. Hmm… Maybe he should lean into that.
"Bruce, you won't be helping anyone like this, you could make a mistake and end up hurting someone else unintentionally. You don't want that right?" God if this works Tim's not sure if he's gonna cry or be happy. There is a hesitant grunt though so Tim takes it as it's working. "This is a sensitive case, it's also very difficult, so let's just… take a break and come at it with fresh eyes, yeah?" A grunt and slight nod. Tim nearly breathes a sigh of relief, he can see several mistakes Bruce has already made. Tim will make sure to come back and fix it and hope Bruce won't remember what he put down.
Bruce goes to stand up and stumbles, probably from the hours of sitting down without any food or water. Either way, Tim hurries to catch him and almost falling over with his weight. Thankfully the training Tim's been through accounted for carrying someone far heavier than he is, so Tim is able to get Bruce up to the Manor and sat down at a table while Tim makes him some soup. He's not exactly great at cooking but if he has a recipe he can make it vaguely good, and thankfully canned soup is easy to make.
He sets down a bowl of soup and some water in front of Bruce and sits across from him to make sure he eats it all. He narrows his eyes at Bruce as he goes to push the bowl away and stand up. "You haven't eaten it all." An annoyed grunt. "You need to eat a good amount to keep up with patrols." Irritated grunt. "Five more bites? Please, Bruce? Just five more, easy spoonfuls" Bruce begrudgingly grabs his spoon again ad eats the five more spoonfuls, even eating a sixth bite. "Thank you bud, just drink your water then you can rest and head back to the case." The nickname rips itself out of his mouth without warning, and Tim can see the moment that Bruce realizes what he called him and he's waiting for the yelling and…
Bruce stiffened and then relaxed. Looking far more tired than before. He drinks his water without any fuss (isn't that what parent's say about their kids..?) and slowly gets up, but waits for Tim to also stand up.
Tim's… not sure how he feels about this. On one hand Tim was 13, and Bruce was 40. On the other… Bruce was listening to Tim. He got Bruce to take care of himself (slightly) without issue.
Tim shoves the slightly uncomfortable part of him deep down. Bruce ate and drank water (not coffee!) it'd be selfish of Tim to not like that, right? He gets up and leads Bruce to his room and make sure he lays down before leaving.
He feels… weird. Very weird. He chalks the feeling to actually being in the manor for once. Normally he gets there and immediately heads to the cave, or sometimes forsakes the manor and heads in through a different entrance. Regardless he heads back down to the cave to fix the mistakes Bruce put down.
The look on Bruce's face when he called him bud is pushed into the back of his mind. Not gone though.
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Bruce was hit with a gas of some kind. Tim's not sure what kind it is, it's not fear toxin, that makes Bruce violent, and it's not Joker Gas cause… well Bruce isn't laughing. Bruce is however… timid. Quiet. Tim was able to get Bruce into the Bat-mobile with no issue thankfully, and Tim was able to stop the gas from spreading any more ad no one else was hit with it thankfully. The ride home is.. awkward. Bruce is in the passenger seat, trying to make himself look smaller. Tim doesn't have much time to focus on that though, too focused on making sure he gets them to the cave.
He feels so much relief when he sees the cave entrance and finally parks the Bat-mobile. "Alright Bruce, come on we need to find out what you were hit with." He makes sure his voice is soft. Since that day where he accidentally called Bruce 'bud' he found that Bruce… Reacted well to Tim 'parenting' him. The only things to work with Bruce have been Tim acting like Jason (Too dangerous. He runs the risk of Bruce realizing it wasn't a hallucination and getting violent at Tim for 'replacing Jason') and Tim parenting him.
Bruce slowly gets out of the car while holding onto Tim's hand which is… Odd. But not horrible surprisingly. Tim leads him over to the med-bay and sits him down (once again very odd. But then again everything about their relationship is odd now.) and grabs a syringe to take some of Bruce's blood for testing. They've done this plenty times there should be no issues and yet…
Bruce flinched. Batman flinched. Tim ignores the sharp pain of something that hit him. "It's okay, it's okay, I'm just gonna take a little blood, it'll be quick I promise, okay chum?" Tim did it again. He's heard Bruce call Dick that a couple times during their good days. He's overheard him call Jason that countless times when Jason was alive. He did it out of instinct (instinct? Why was it instinct to call Bruce the pet name he calls his sons?) and now Bruce is gonna yell and-
"..Okay." Bruce voiced out softly. Which sounds wrong out of him but… Tim just feels glad. Tim slowly but quickly takes the blood sample. He puts a band-aid on the spot, feeling every bit like a doctor giving a child a shot.
"You did great, thank you Bruce." Tim goes to move and start tests, wanting this done as soon as possible and then…
"Don't go." Bruce's voice calls out. Sounding weak, and soft, and everything Batman shouldn't. "…please."
Tim hesitates slightly, he really should start testing but… "Okay. I'll stay here for a bit longer." How can he just leave when Bruce is asking him to stay? He's never been asked to stay somewhere. Never been wanted somewhere.
"…thank you, dad." That seals it. Tim isn't his son. He could never be his son. He doesn't hesitate this time.
"Of course, chum."
———————
Tim's settled into his role in the family perfectly. He knows exactly who each of the members need him to be.
Dick needs him to be his little brother he can always go to to cuddle, Jason likes him best when he's unable to take care of himself, Cass likes him (which is weird and Tim is honestly still not sure exactly how to do that but he thinks he has a handle on it now), Damian likes it best when Tim is standoffish, Steph likes chaos Tim, Duke enjoys Tim when he helps him with homework and plays games, Babs likes competent Tim.
Alfred likes the Tim that takes care of Bruce. He likes Caretaker Tim. (When did Tim stop hating that fact..?)
Bruce… Likes Dad Tim. That Tim is reserved for Bruce. It makes Tim feel so many things. It's weird, he knows that, and it leaves a weird feeling in him that lasts for days but it also… makes Tim feel needed.
Robin was taken from him. For a bit he thought that meant he wasn't needed. He forgot he does something that none of the others could do. As long as Bruce still needs it he won't let Tim go. Not when he's still a child who needs his dad.
The others wouldn't understand. They already don't understand how Tim can get Bruce to actually care for himself.
He still remembers when he benched Batman. He could see the others think he was about to get scolded, or benched himself, or just thinking it was funny. The utter confusion when Bruce just grumbled about not needing to be benched but accepting it replays in his mind months later, he wishes he had a picture of it.
He knows they wouldn't understand. He's well aware. Just like Bruce knows. That's why they make sure no one is near to hear Tim call Bruce 'Chum' or to hear Bruce call Tim 'Dad'. They wouldn't understand.
It's not weird though. It doesn't matter that it's very similar to the cases Bruce specifically keeps away from Tim. It's different, those ones were weird, those kids never asked to be their parent's parent.
Besides Tim was never Bruce's son.
Dick is Bruce's son, Jason is Bruce's son, Damian is Bruce's son, Cass is Bruce's daughter, Bruce is Tim's son.
#tim drake#batfamily#bruce wayne#tim drake needs a hug#parentified tim drake#bruce kinda sucks here#also bruce specifically keeping cases from tim cause they’re similar to their own relationship#and not wanting to risk tim leaving#even though tim knows exactly how fucked up it is#this is also on ao3
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The last photographs. Iva, why you are so serious here? ><
Only two weeks left for me to make new cosplay…
#hetalia#aph#hws#hetalia russia#aph russia#hws russia#hetalia cosplay#hetalia russia cosplay#cosplay#to be honest I have more photos#I am just not sure what do I think about them#and also maybe everyone tired of it already#and my cosplay boots are about to arrive#I think they’ll be here in about a week or two too
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Burning going to be my new gender i afraid
+ a doodle i made yesterday before sleeping
#my art#genshin impact#genshinimpact#emilie#kinich#mualani#i already have a team for burning IHIHIHIHIHUVUVHIHIHIHI#kinich dps Emilie sub dps Bennet healer + support and the last one.....#huh. xiangling or thomas#thomas maybe for the shield ??? i am trying to aboid xiangling because i am tired of her long energywhatever for her burst omg#ruining all my rotation because I have skill issue ‼️‼️‼️#tchat with 93 pull do u believe i have a cons of kinich as well.#after him i might skip everyone until emilie rerun so i can have her cons too#or maybe Mavuika if she can do a great pyro application (PLEASE)#i feel like Emilie and Kinich works wzll nor only for burning boost but also because Emilie can do AoE and target mobs around while Kinich#is focus in one target#iDK I WANT TO TRY PLZ KINICH BANNER COME FASTER !!!#wait no i dont have any good artefact for him yet#work well not only*
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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person#ever had#this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame#idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t#you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing#and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else#there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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Welcome one and all to my version of the party's loopified designs, featuring my many broken bones and blood stains I especially put into Odile who I tackled second unlike the alphabetical order that I have presented here! I'll have in-depth discussions on each designs and matching practice portraits under the cut but before that-
Siffrin 'barely taller than a preteen' no middle name no last name Loop is still barely taller than a preteen but now that preteen can claim fire to their height!
Alphabetical order GO!
Bonnie, who I've been calling Bonfire (which if that ends up being their name I can imagine Bonnie calling them 'Fire' while they call Bonnie 'Face' to match), was the last of my designs because frankly I knew from the start what their design was going to take influence from and also knew I was going to draw fire :P They were based on bonfires (of course) and also specifically the Burning Man effigies just for a humanoid figure, plus being a chef cooker and a campfire and also a very heated expressive person.
Their flames are hot but not actual wood burning so the Favour Tree (and Mirabelle in the height chart) are not at risk of combusting, they're just incredibly bright-
Isabeau my first design, with influences from @basilpaste 's Lock (with a dressform body) and @nullapophenia 's original version of Husk (the faceless identityless sketch), I have combined them both to make a mannequin it/its loopified design that finally gets to be capital T Tall all for the low low price of being Changed against its will and suffering another bout of body dysphoria that it can't fix anymore :) :) :) When I was referencing mannequins I actually noticed how long their legs actually were let alone how they were perma-stuck in that Barbie-like highheel pose and thought why don't I just curse Isa with something he previously wanted :P
Something something Isabeau actively Changed not only his body but his personality to become someone he wouldn't be ashamed of, yada yada Loopsabeau is back to hating itself and has started to become a person it despises to match (also like a mannequin it's head and arms are technically painlessly removeable :P)
Third in order and third in design is Mirabelle, who technically is the only loopified design with technically hair and clothes, but the hair are the tangled roots of the Favour Tree and the clothes are like the carved hardstone statues of religious figures :P Initially my Idea for Mirabelle was to make her kinda like her statue, with the wonky expression of someone who made it without much mastery over details, not to pit anything against Mira, no, no. Thought about maybe abstract statue design but I couldn't find a version I liked but I did always imagine her statue being weathered in some way, there was a reason why I saved her for third I couldn't pick what I wanted. But then I remembered the broken Change God statues, thought about the 'blessing' that ended up being a curse, and then thought about overgrown weathering and gave her the roots.
I actually looked up Black hairstyles and mostly wondered what specific hair texture Mirabelle had (she wears it in a fro of course, but she has flyaways that aren't coils, but she described her own hair as kinky and :P) so that if I were to mimic hair with tree roots I can get an appropriate matching hairstyle (settled on megatwists). Hah, if Mira has 4C hair, considering how long her hair actually looks, if she to wear her hair in twists she might actually have elbow length hair :P
I spent 8 non-consecutive hours on Odile can you tell? Can you see my hands bleeding my wrist breaking my eyes drooping? Yeah so Odile was again, my second design and it took me a week to recover, and she's a combination of gem and mirror suit with all the little fragments floating around her the 'diamonds' that represent all her family members party plus the ones she originally had in sets of 2. I also put geodes where parts of her body have broken off (inspired by how when the King strikes she can't move, plus also being a glass canon) where when I was actually drawing those geodes that they kinda use the Change symbol?
Circle within a circle within a circle, regardless of how wiggly it is, and at the centre is a cluster of crystals. That was an accidental reference to Odile's mixed heritage but hoo boy what a connection! Her missing pieces are a combination of 'being too old for this' fragility and also 'i didn't want to render more mirrors sue me'
Anyway I am going to put my wrist in a cast and imagine loopified party members with their pre-wish counterparts :P
#bonnie#bonnie isat#isabeau#isabeau isat#mirabelle#mirabelle chevalier#mirabelle isat#odile#odile isat#loop#loop isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#fanart#i saw someone mention in the tags of my previous isat post talking about the mirabelle chevalier tag#as soon as my grubby little broken mitts grab hold of either a physical or digital copy of the isat artbook#which as has been said by insertdisc5 include the last names of the characters (at least the ones that remember them)#i will not only continue using chevalier but also everyone else's last names in tags#replacing... one of the other character tags#a lot of my thoughts on the designs have been already said#but me and the same isat friends have some thoughts on how the loopified versions interact with their old selves#mirabelle is the nicest but may snap every so often in a 'arent you tired of being kind dont you want to go apeshit' kinda way#isabeau is a bitter jealous asshole who's regressed to being unkind thanks to not having the body it worked so hard to make once#odile is a little cold when talking to herself since pleasantries take too much time plus her 'i will do awful things [for da fam]' ways#and bonnie is bonnie so they're angry and pissed and sad they won't see their nille again but also they and bonnie are friends in the loop#speaking as someone who at bonnie's age didn't really have friends um whether or not i'm projecting i think fire and face can be besties#please enjoy these designs my kitten scratched me so hard i needed a bandaid for the price of angst and i think that's fitting#do i have an attached au to these designs? no. do i want one? maybe maybe i guess there's only so many ways to have an [x] loops au
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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Prompt 21
This past winter, Geralt grabbed a tower of books from the library and holed himself up in his room for practically the entire season. Eskel walks in one night, intent on just checking in on his brother, only to poke around and find that every book that Geralt is painstakingly studying is medical books, from how to deal with a sore throat to the most rarest of diseases. Eskel asks Geralt why he needs to know all of this, worried Geralt might be losing his mutagen-induced healing factor?! Is he getting sick!? Are his wounds not healing over time!? Oh GODS! Oh nvm- Geralt says he's fine :) He's reading all of this because... He met a human bard he wants to keep safe? Odd... Especially for Geralt... But whatever makes his brother happy! I just want a scene after some nice gay brotherly teasing that's like "Ow- Oh no.. Geralt, my arm was scratched by a branch. Hold on, I need to-" And geralt is like FROTHING and is like "WE NEED BANDAGES, THREAD, A NEEDLE, DISINFECTANT, NUMBING SOLUTION, AND I KNOW FOURTEEN DIFFERENT NATURALLY MADE POULTICES I CAN MAKE, AND I KNOW A HELPFUL SPELL A HEDGEWITCH CAN CAST AND-" "It's just a scratch, Gera-" "SHIT, SIT DOWN, I GOTTA FIX MY HUMAN BEFORE HE DIES AND I LOSE ONE OF THE ONLY GOOD THINGS IN MY LIFE"
#fanfiction prompts#geralt x dandelion#geralt x jaskier#geraskier#witcher fanfiction#the witcher#geralt loves his bard!#writing prompts#requited unrequited love#friends to lovers#Worried Geralt#protective geralt#good husband geralt#I STAYED UP REALLY LATE READING FANFIC SORRY IF THIS IS SHIT#Also my best friend randomly found this account (i told him about it without any censorship and made no attempt to hide it at all)#so everyone say hi to him#yeah thats right#i see you there you gay fuck#I KNOW YOURE HERE#READING THIS SHIT#HOW ABOUT YOU ANSWER MY TEXTS AND PLAY BALDURS GATE WITH ME ALREADY?#gonna eat some bagels and pass teh fuck out#its 430 am and usually yk i am chilling lik ea villain at tis tme of night but tonight i am the very tired gorl#gorl (?)#i am a “gorl” but deep down#I am a ball of gas with thousands of eyes and wings that makes a low ominous humming noise and vultures follow#i am LOOKING at you with my EYES#I just think geralt could love his bard a little and his bard could find it sweet (and maybe a little exasperating)
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Idk man. Not a fan of the theory / headcanon about Moonpaw hearing the voice of the sibling she absorbed in utero. That gets a little too close to "fetuses have souls" for me to feel comfortable around and I seriously hope that's not what's gonna happen. Chimerism doesn't make you into two people. It's not conjoined twins. She's just one cat made with two sets of genes. We don't have to get too weird about how bodies just naturally turn out sometimes. Idk.
#(obviously this is just my opinion and you're free to ignore it. everyone is entitled to their own opinion)#maybe I'm also a little tired of uncommon physical conditions being used in weird ways in fiction#sometimes people just look or act a certain way and it doesn't make them psychic or whatever#i should honestly just block the moonpaw tag bc i am tired of people being weird about this cat#this isn't even getting into the incest jokes or the ''UMMM ACTUALLY she's not a real chimera'' posts which i am fuuuucking sick of#and I'm not even a person looking for moonpaw posts on purpose!! they just come up in blogs i look at or my for you tab#and I'm already so so so so tired#that said i am looking forward to drawing her later. i already have ideas for her shape and made a quick sketch to come back to someday#i might delete this post later so I don't have to think about this issue when i look at my blog. idk. I'm just venting#pigeon mews
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Wait hold on, in his anniversary video Barbatos mentions the mc being the brother's attendant?
But in the other videos, it's implied that they don't remember the mc leaving (which is actually something im very disappointed about and really hope isnt the case in the actual story)
In these two specifically, it seems like they aren't aware of the mc's presence in the past/alternate timeline/whatever it is. The only other person who seems like they know is Lucifer
Which also lines up with the end of lesson 40, where he's the only one who says welcome back? So like?? Do only him and Barbatos know? Did they not tell anyone?? Diavolo would probably know as well but I haven't seen anything to show that yet. Anyways I don't really like where this is going, I would really prefer they not make everyone forget the mc disappeared
#of course they could always just be not quite putting the pieces together in these scenes#buuuut at this point im not so sure..#i was hoping theyd take a more “WE MISSED YOU” approach#because if im being honest those are some of my favorite moments#like yay everythings better now lets hug it out#i feel weird about them potentially not knowing about what happened#how would they play that off? solomon already said they were freaking out?#“oh whoops we time traveled just far back enough that no one noticed you were gone”#no#do not do that#that defeats the purpose of this whole shenanigan#they also cant just say it was the regular past#because story inconsistencies#solomon has even commented on how its different#hes like “simeon and luke shouldnt be here”#istg if they try to move past that without explaining i will explode#its a very plausible scenario at this point#theyve done it before#because oh does diavolo just not have the power to spot lies anymore?? ok#anyway im scared for the future of the story#this could go wrong in so many ways#obey me!#obey me! swd#obey me lucifer#obey me satan#obey me luke#obey me barbatos#posts#maybe barbatos just merges the timelines again and thats why everyone feels weird#idk im too tired to think more about this
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So I think I'm making some decent progress on my unhinged Kaeya lore thoughts post
The WIP of the mindmap is below the cut
I'm really scared that I'm still missing a lot of stuff, but it's past midnight now so I'll be stopping for now and actually get some sleep
#genshin impact#genshin impact kaeya#kaeya alberich#kaeya#kaeya theory#I'm starting to think this post will have 2 parts#a mindmap to visualize all of these concepts and their connections to Kaeya and to each other#and then a google doc where I explain my actual thought process on the inclusions and connections of these concepts#the things I do for you Kaeya my beloved#I'm positive that I still am missing a lot#but maybe that's okay#maybe I don't need to make THE Kaeya lore post of all time#if I can just add some of my own thoughts to the discussion of all things Kaeya that's already something#I might also have an actual theory (or 2) to present from all this but it's honestly still really vague and maybe kinda crack#ah well if roozevelt can make a youtube channel based partly on high-quality hogwild tinfoil crack theorizing#then maybe I can get away with sharing my own tinfoil thoughts#I should feel way more tired than I do RN lmao#for real though I hope everyone reading this has a good day/night sleeps well and hydrates enough#Imma go to sleep and dream of Kaeya now
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hello... (and bye ig 👋)
#👋😭 hi...#i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone#i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭#i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh...#uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂#i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but#i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause#i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say...#i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu#it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media /#without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao#i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy#pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on#i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a#depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think#i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just#sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ????#i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become#even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it#i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it#like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi#i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda#makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd#not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what#they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling#anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀#i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say#this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel#like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭#who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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Oh no. James Gunn called Damian Batman's "actual son". That bodes poorly.
He also said the series is gonna be based off of grant morrisons batman run you know the one that's meant to have dick as batman not Bruce yeah no I've got absolutely no hope for any of that
#ask#anon#i wonder if this means we're also getting the uncool villain jason#the shit version instead of winnicks cool villain jason#definitely gonna be seeing a lot of talia bashing haha kill me now#maybe i should just give up on dc its gonna be so painful for the next few years#and im already so tired#also the bit where gunn said the live action actors will also do the animation#ohhhhhh why#how is everyone else not tired too#am i just weird and grumpy#i do have a head ache rn but still
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