#and also like emotionally regulate
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guess which bad bitch has decided to start journaling again
(its me)
take your bets how long this will last
#just a load of garbage#honestly i hope this works#bc like its kind of calming ngl#and also helps me kind of like#unpack the day and shit#and help me view shit in a positive light#and also like emotionally regulate#also this is like#helping my focus somehow#idk#but yeah#i just wrote for 15 straight minutes#also my handwriting is improving#what is going on fam
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So, like out of curiosity, what are the cultural differences of child-rearing in English speaking countries vs. in Japanese society? You mentioned that in your Mrs. Rosehearts post, and now i'm curious.
I can't speak to much on it to be honest, as I only have my experience and the experiences that my friends have told me to compare. I also don't want to make huge assumptions, and since I can only compare between American and Latino child-rearing, I don't think I'm the best to ask 😓
My only opinion on Mrs. Rosehearts is that I think the TWST fandom, particularly the ones from the EN server, overly villainize her, rather than see her as a complicated character. I think that as a parent, she wants Riddle's best interests in mind but is so concerned about something ruining her son, even things out of her control, that she finds it easier to just keep him near and control everything to keep him safe and on the path that she believes will bring him the most success. She's not a good person, as she has absolutely done irreversible damage to Riddle and his social skills, but I think if you aren't raised in a similar situation as Riddle, or come from a culture where her type of child-rearing isn't normal, it's easy to just write her off as a bad parent and person. I'm of the opinion that it's a lot more complicated than that, which is why I'm more neutral about her and when I write her.
#mochi asks#twst#twisted wonderland#mrs rosehearts#i like to think that she also has a big temper like riddle but never learned to emotionally regulate#she just represses so whenever she does have big emotions they kinda burst out#shes complicated and i do like seeing complicated characters with questionable actions in media#it makes it more immersive and i think thats fun#id probably have a different opinion if this was a real life person and not a video game character tho lol
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vivziepop haters are so obsessed with her it’s concerning. i see right through you. every time she sees success with her projects and creations you come out of the woodworks with petty insults and gross misinformation. if you don’t like her or her art, you do you, but it’s pathetic that it’s 2024 and you’re still diminishing the work of a bisexual latina just because that work doesn’t fit your hypersanitized media tastes and because she, like literally every person on the internet including you and i, did and said stupid shit in her teenage years. it’s fucking exhausting to watch, please shut up and find something better to do with your time.
i don’t want to have discussions with y’all, you’re too toxic. i just needed to get this off my chest because it’s bothered me. just block me if you feel called out by what i described and you don’t care.
#vivziepop#hazbin hotel#helluva boss#there’s nothing wrong with having genuine criticisms about her shows. i have things i don’t really like about them either#she’s not perfect but like neither are any of you??#but when you dig up shit from like a decade ago that’s petty and vindictive af. people change#also the way y’all will mock her for ‘having thin skin’ when y’all have been constantly on her ass and insulting and bullying her for YEARS#i think most people would become a bit emotionally fragile from that and you’re just… laughing at her#some people have a harder time regulating their emotions and i know that personally. it’s not cool to make fun of that imo
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Soooooo I wrote this incredibly self-indulgent thing about Miles. I have many feelings about how he keeps himself so tightly in control. It's gotta go somewhere.
Disclaimer it's quite dark, so mind the trigger warning and keep yourself safe <3
TW: self-harm, not what I would consider graphic descriptions, but it is the central theme and way more than a mention
The lock clicks. He slips his suit jacket off. Loosens then removes his tie. Untucked, buttons undone. It’s all laid out on the bed. Step by step. Shoes set to the side and trousers swapped for silken pajama pants.
The bathroom door closes behind him. The second lock between him and the world. The shower comes on. Towel laid out on the counter.
His drawer, second down on the left. He pulls out the small black bag. Gold zipper. Supple leather. Inside, his collection. Three packs of new razor blades. An open pack of blades; used ones tucked into the back. A single hypodermic needle. A crafting knife. Two unopened band aids.
The rest of the drawer’s contents is ignored, antiseptic and suture kits, butterfly closures and rolls of gauze, in favor of practiced hands sliding the tin of blades from the bag and the blade from the tin.
He sits on the toilet, lid down. Elbow straight. Fist clenched. The first slice with a small inhale. Bright and sharp and stinging. Familiar and comforting. Line after line as red blooms from the wounds. The ecstasy second only to the Kiss. Rivulets follow gravity down. Strategically placed tissues catch the mess.
Stained crimson, they fall into the waste basket. He flexes his wrist, testing the pull of the broken skin, blots the last of the blood away. Blade inspected and stowed; everything returned to it’s place. Pajamas folded on top of the toilet, he steps into the shower.
#path of night podcast#my fic#*clenches fist* i WILL get better about sharing my writing#but yes many many thoughts about how he regulates himself emotionally and the toll that keeping himself in check takes#i dont have actual like coherent thoughts otherwise i would have written more lmao#but i always gotta have some character to slap the self-harm headcanon onto and unfortunately for miles he is The Chosen One this go around#i would imagine hes very methodical and ritualistic about it and finds it very centering and grounding and cathartic but also#tips right into that edge where he NEEDS it and its becoming a coping mechanism he doesn't really have a replacement for when push comes to#shove and how does he cope when this thing that supposedly gives him control leads him to being more out of control v juicy thoughts for me#if i actually bothered to write anything substantial i would probably post it to ao3 but for 250 words im not sure its worth it lmao#i feel like my tenses are all over the place too but im just going to live with it!!!!!!!!!#i also have many many thoughts about how marcos is involved and complicit spoiler hes the one who put all those medical supplies#in the bathroom just in case miles ever needed them#and the blood bond only complicates things
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maybe i need meds???
#knocks on skull like GOD CAN YOU JUST FUCKING EMOTIONALLY REGULATE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD#been swinging wildly between 'i need help' & 'im faking it' every single HOUR#the thing is. and this is the thing. my life right now is as close to perfect as i'll ever get there is literally nothing wrong#im MEANT to be HAPPY why am i UNSTABLE#im thinking meds maybe but also it's just such a pain#to book a drs appt to get put on a mental health plan to be put on a waiting list for a shrink then convince said shrink that I need meds#sounds painful#don't think I can do it...#but. ive booked a drs appt so baby steps.#but see like I booked it on wed bc I was very much going to have a breakdown at my desk then immediately felt silly on thurs morning bc#I felt fine??? then hours later I was like no. not fine actually#im going to fucking chuck#hex.txt#personal#personal posts are only on this blog bc u guys are more used to hearing me blabber bullshit than my main#does anyone wanna tell me some good news or something nice happening in their life
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HI! i have a tumblr now :)! have some drawings, I plan to spew some au shit I never felt like I could really do on twitter!
#ratchet and clank#R&C2002#mem doodles :)#why is R&C 2002 just like that#Clanks so emotional and feel so much but is able to put his feelings aside but is also a baby right now and doesnt recognize how to emote#contrasted with ratchet who is also emotionally but CAN show it but also cant regulate it#digitalart
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I may have overdone it, lads/genderneutral
No thoughts head empty and so so sleepy
#all the executives came to the board meeting today and oh boy did they function#emotionally regulated like a boss. memory? worked. took turns speaking. covered all the most important points#planned like a boss. socialed like a pro.#as a bonus. i let myself stop at the park cause it was on the way and empty#i got some swing time in hell yea. also some spinny thing shitkicked the frick out of my shin#i was trying to spin rly fast and lost balance and got pulled in a circlem didnt fall but smacked my shin#that was to like blow off steam/stress from planning stuff
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i will literally never understand when a character gets hate for being ‘overdramatic’ or highly emotional because like. i live for that shit. i fucking love when a character has a strong emotional response to a relatively ‘minor’ thing i love when characters cry easily and frequently i love when characters are loud and ‘annoying’ i live for drama. if a character is frequently hated on by fans for being annoying there is a 9/10 chance that character is one of my faves. no i dont think my neurodivergence has anything to do with this
#skye's ramblings#ihave been the number one annoying character defender my whole life and i dont intend to stop. dont worry little guy i get you take my hand#the 'emotionally distant traumatized emo' is almost never a character i get majorly attached to even if i alost always like them#but when t/pn said yeah we got one of those except he fucking sucks at hiding his emotions and has explosive anger issues iwas like#oh you. you are mine. my specialest little guy forever. i will kill anything for you. its been over a year and a half w no signs of fading#he has sooo much fierce love in his heart and its not negated by his ptsd or the less socially accepted symptoms. i fucking LOVE RAY!!!!!!!!#also the way don is sooo emotionally vulnerable and has a hard time regulating them. the way he loses the most important person in his life#and the fucking flood of emotions is so much that he doesnt even know how to process it and just starts LAUGHING?? god i love him. ilove him#yes its mostly the Comfort Characters but soo many emotional characters resonate w me deeply. everyone in this series is deeply autistic
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it's a great day to be in the most insane headspace
where i'm sick and thus loopy and whiplashing violently between: shocks of anger and despair and then vibrating with delight
my blood pressure is so far up i'm gonna take an aspirin this is ridiculous
the fucking slow tigers are gaining on me i swear
#on the music and entertainment front: everything i wanted and more i'm so happy#on the living in this country front: i am SO angry and feeling betrayed by the democratic party (yet again)#i am ALSO resigned because i'd literally vote for a baked potato over trump but MY GODS i'm pissed and SAD#and i also can't breathe or sleep or evidently emotionally regulate#which is why i'm on here posting like sn idiot#i just want to CRY but i can't i'm on so much cold medicine and now i have to probably cancel my dr appointment friday which#rescheduling is such a pain too#so it's so tempting to just switch over to fandom mode and wallow in good and pretty and fun things#because every time i see the political news i get like a jumpscare flinch and tightening in my chest i hate this#i can't even check my email
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‧₊˚ ☽ ⋅
#also i wanna learn how to just like...#not unload on someone when i'm triggered and emotionally volatile and upset#and im stuck in like this little 12yr old kid's intense and overwhelming and confusing feelings#thats also mostly are rooted in self hatred and low self worth and an inferiority complex and just like yeah so insecure#bc when i say those things it's just a pained agonized scream and all of those things#are just what me skewed with emotional pain is thinking#not what the actual me feels#bc yeah that isnt what i actually mean or want to say#and most of it is also missunderstood bc im not able of delivering it how i mean it#so yeah i just so badly wanna learn how to just wait and hold my tongue#take a step back and take a breath and just think ruminate reflect etc etc and then calm down and feel less crazy#and get out n the other side of that pain induced little space in my head :////#bc i end up saying things that just are not what i mean and are riddled with insecurity and just like not a good or rational place#bc u cant take it back#bc u have already vomited all of these skewed things u've said out of pain and low self worth#i just dont know how to regulate my emotions#and idk what the line between venting and unloading is#but yeah omfg when i do calm down i feel so ashamed of everything i've said and i've also hurt someone and im just like#fuck why did i say that???? what??? and like just bc i feel smth in a moment bc of pain doesnt mean that is the conclusion i'll come to lat#after i've thought abt it and thought abt reality and what is important etc etc#just life FUCKKKK!!!!! i wanna scream im so frustrated w myself but idk how to learn this??? idk how!!! :(((
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Bro why not make the whimpering yourself? You’ve gathered a handful of simps who share the same want ! And you are an artist so you can practically create whatever you want, yeah?
no time :[
like i have a lot of suggestive and borderline nsfw art i have thought of in regards 2 him but i just. have no time 2 sit down and actually draw it
#spacie splains#ugghhhh#this post is kinda nsft#so yeah#nsft#i mean im just mentioning it but yk#everyone knows i want 2 fucvk him its not even like.#anyways#also if i drew it myself i think id hate it lmaooooo#going thru a bit of an insecure spot artwise#which being unable 2 draw for weeks on end is not helping lmao#b/c i usually just keep drawing till i feel better#the last time i drew something was#checks my watch#ONE MONTH AGO!??!?!?!?#UGOUOGUOHOUHOUOUOUOGH#HELP MEEEE FUCK DUDE#THIS SUCKS BALLS#DRAWING HELPS ME EMOTIONALLY REGULATE NO WONDER IVE FELT LIKE SUC H SHIT LATELY
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I’ve gotten less than 4 hours of sleep every day this week and I’m evil now
#mostly like I can’t emotionally regulate and I’m finding new things annoying that I don’t under normal circumstances#also I’ve been having digestive problems all week too so that’s been bad
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attempting yet again to rejigger my yet again extremely fucked sleep cycle and. experiencing repercussions
#it truly is SO reliable that if i go to bed early enough my body thinks it’s a nap#i WILL wake up in the dark with my heart beating rapidfire feeling totally discombobulated and‚ like‚ emotionally hung over#having had some sort of disconcertingly vivid dream#anyway now i’m like. Up but in the way where i’m thinking abt how i’ve always felt like an invisible camera instead of a person#which are like. not ordinarily morning thoughts???#on the bright side i fell asleep in a lot of merino so at least when i woke up frazzled and gasping i wasn’t also sweaty???#magic wicking temperature-regulating fiber my beloved. some people use it for real things! i just use it to wick my anxiety away. 🤘#journaling#mundanities
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Yep, looks like this is happening. Here’s the first segment of the uh. 17 pages and counting I’ve written going ‘I can make this better worse’ about I Was A Teenage Exocolonist.
[cut]
They wonder, sometimes, if the augment was a response to their nightmares.
They’ve always had them. When they sleep, they remember things that haven’t happened yet, awful things, things that left scars on a psyche significantly more well-equipped to handle them than that of a toddler.
They’re not a toddler anymore. The dreams - the memories - have only gotten worse.
They can’t talk about it. They tried a few times as a little kid. They tried, only to be told they were just dreams. That alone probably wouldn’t have stopped them; what did was the creeping certainty that if they didn’t stop, the adults would decide there was something wrong with them, something that needed fixing.
At eight, they haven’t tried in years. They know that if they’re too strange, the adults will try to fix them, and it would mean everything went wrong again. The dreams aren’t a problem; they’re a warning.
They don’t need to be fixed. Sol doesn’t need to be fixed. What they need is to fix the shields. Which they can’t do until they understand what’s going to go wrong.
They sit on the floor with the engineering manuals they used to demand to be read instead of storybooks and stare at the diagrams, trying to force their developing brain to grasp concepts that were challenging as a teenager, frustrated enough to cry.
They do cry, tears welling up and sliding down their face, but they don’t sob. They don’t make a sound, tucked away in a corner, and that means no one notices. No one but Congruence, but they changed their privacy settings off the infant alerts as soon as they could speak. No one noticed that, either.
The temperament augment doesn’t keep them from feeling desperation or despair or fear, but it means they deal with what’s troubling them quietly, in a way that doesn’t trouble anyone else. So they cry quietly through eyes they don’t let waver from the diagrams, repeating mathematical formulae in their head, making sure they have them memorized.
This time, it’s going to be different.
#Tina continues to encourage and enable me so I'm posting the first snippet#'cause I'm kind of proud of this bit even if I don't like... finish rewriting the whole game#also my poor baby Sol here is extra bonus traumatized because they remember more than in-game Sol does#so they have like#several lifetimes worth of Horrible shoved into their developing brain#and they remember being able to emotionally regulate and their augment helps some but at a certain point#all the Copium in the world will not help you#if the trauma just Keeps Happening#sometimes I write things#iwate#i was a teenage exocolonist#if any of you are going 'Tea what are you doing Tea stop traumatizing that child'#I would like you to know#I am that John Mulaney skit most of the time#'I also don't want me to be doing what I'm doing'
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#boy the part of me that will consistently feel On Edge and Uncomfy when someone is Upset in my vicinity is a part of me i could.#seriously do without! like SERIOUSLY!#i’m like. fine but i’m also ready to cry at a moment’s notice i’m so cool and so emotionally regulated and so not traumatized.#gonna bury my head in work nbd
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being the eldest daughter really is just how do i shield my sibling from everything bad in the world and also how do i gentle parent my own parents
#being home makes me realise how much i had to self teach emotional regulation and communication skills#i am truly the glue holding this family together no one talks to each other just immediate defensiveness and yelling and being mean#like i truly just sit here in shock listening to my sister and my parents interact with one another and how easily fights break out#little by little i’m starting to feel like a guest in this home again despite this being the place i grew up in#family tw#parents tw#going back to the city tomorrow and I’m sad leaving again but i’m also like.#this environment is so bad for me mentally and emotionally#and i try and fix it but i’ll never be able to bc no one else wants to put in the effort to fix it#so i need to just stop trying to hold everyone together bc my parents are grown fucking adults#my sister is my baby so she’s a lil different but seriously this is too much#why is mom yelling at my dad before he even shows any sign of frustration/anger…#not that THAT is even an excuse to start yelling but like she’ll get mad at him for being mad when he’s NOT even mad??#please make this make sense bc rn i cannot comprehend it#everyone please get therapy!! god#talk time
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