#and also like ‘I read this book to complete it’ is not an insincere way to engage with a text but I feel like it’s limiting

[communistkenobi]

I don’t like when people ask how many books you plan to read/have read this year one because I think that’s a weird relationship to have to books and two because I think even reading a chapter or a portion of something is valuable. this is especially true with non-fiction but even with fiction I think any amount you read, even if you don’t read the entire thing, is not a failure or ‘incomplete’

[kittenintheden]

*dumps her random characterization and voice notes into your lap* here hope this helps

- Astarion speaks a little bit like a man removed from time and a little bit like an Upper City patriar, but not excessively so and not as a rule. Posh and embellished, but not completely avoidant of slang or casual swearing. Like a person who was once in a certain position in life, was ripped from it, and then spent a very long time in survival mode among people of lesser station/education. His mouth is often ahead of his brain. Many of his pricklier interactions are a direct result of trauma response. He longs to be in control, of his circumstances and of himself. His terms of endearment make subtle shifts from insincere and condescending to genuine and affectionate. When he feels threatened, he becomes distant and detached. He's funny, in both an awkward unintentional way and a very intentional witty way. He walks a razor's edge between a person who relies on his charms and an animal in a cage.

- Wyll is a deeply idealistic noble raised on tales of good knights and mighty heroes. His father was a soldier first, a noble second, and instilled in him a rigid moral code and high expectations for leadership. Those teachings led him to make a life-altering choice at seventeen years old that he was resoundly punished for due to manipulation and misunderstanding. Instead of becoming embittered, he cemented his dedication to his ideals and holds on to a sense of failure. He's eloquent and learned, with an abiding sense of chivalry and propriety. He's young, but not completely naive -- he has a firm personal code, but it's not immutable. Much of his conversation comes from stories he's heard or read that resonated with him. He is charismatic, friendly, and wants to believe in goodness. He's not above a cringe-worthy pun that he likely picked up from being around common folk.

- Lae'zel thinks non-githyanki beneath her, at least at first. Common is her second language and one she doesn't hold a lot of respect for -- she uses it to communicate and that's it. Her words are economic and blunt, but have a rich current of culture underneath. She is a soldier, but she is learned in the lore and ways of her people, and very proud of it. She does not deal in metaphor or hedging her opinions. She trusts her leadership and her queen implicitly. Her word is the truth (to her).

- Shadowheart is deeply mistrustful of people outside her cloister/belief system, which comes off as distance or aloofness. Her specific memories have been altered or removed, but all her core experiences and dedication remain. She's been raised in an environment that is very cult-like and spreads the idea that anyone unlike them is probably an enemy. Nothing is more important than proving herself to her parent-figure. Even so, she wants to connect. She wants to trust. Her communication is guarded and emotionally detached, until it isn't.

- Gale is extremely intelligent, but he's been removed from interacting with everyday people for a long time. His terminology tends to default to his book learning, which can come off as superiority. He has Gifted Kid Syndrome -- literally Chosen for his ability and knowledge, and experiencing a deep sense of, "Who am I if I'm not Chosen? What is my greater calling now?" He's used to his voice mattering, his expertise respected, but also internalized a sense of guilt and shame. He can err toward arrogance, but it comes from a place of wanting to make things better.

- Karlach was an Outer City street kid with what sounded like a reasonably happy home life and she ended up in the employ of a charming young entrepreneur who she completely trusted as hired muscle. That man betrayed her in an incredibly horrific way that she didn't see coming -- not because she's a fool, but because she wants to love people and he tricked her into loving him. She's spent a decade terribly lonely and literally untouchable by anyone but fire-immune fiends. She's cheery and optimistic, but it's largely a front to hide her hurt and sadness. Being a fighter is who she is, not only what she was forced to do. She believes her value is in her physical strength because she has no formal education or skills (she thinks). Her speech is casual, full of slang, blunt, crass, almost childlike (but she is NOT a child -- important distinction). There's a darkness in her she doesn't want to face, so she hides behind humor and affection. Still, when she loves, it is completely in earnest.

[babsharrison]

Safe Haven - John Wick

(Chapter one)

Pairing | John Wick x Original Fem! Character

Summary | In search of a breath in his tumultuous life, John Wick finds himself in a charming bookstore where he meets a sweet and welcoming woman. As they grow closer, John questions whether she can love him despite the dark secrets he carries. While battling the shadows of his past, he must protect the love that is blossoming and discover if hope and redemption are truly possible.

Word Count | 2.4k

A/N | Hey luvs! New chapter of my John Wick fic is up, and I’m super happy with all the interactions so far! Hope you all enjoy! (And also!! I want to let you guys know that this fic is kinda alternative, so Helen doesn't exist and John is still in his dark life with no romance 😭 poor baby) Prologue here!

The next day, John woke up with the softness of the bookstore still echoing in his mind. The aroma of tea and the warmth of the woman’s smile remained etched in his memory. It had been so long since he had allowed himself to feel something so light, so comforting.

As he moved, the pain in his injured shoulder reminded him of his reality. He slowly sat up, trying to ignore the stiffness spreading through his body. The past followed him, as always, but there was something inside him that longed to return to the bookstore.

With a soft sigh, John decided he needed that peace, even if it was temporary. He put on his black suit, adjusting his tie with precision, and stepped outside, feeling the morning breeze brush against his face and tousle his hair. The path seemed shorter this time, his anxiety replaced by cautious anticipation.

As he entered the bookstore, the bell chimed softly, and the familiar environment enveloped him, providing immediate comfort. He began searching for the woman who had welcomed him, his heart skipping a beat upon seeing her behind the counter, her head bent over a book. The sight of her so immersed in reading almost made him smile. Her hair, neatly tied up, contrasted with the beautiful mess from the night before, as if each style told a different part of her story.

When she noticed his presence, she looked up, and a smile illuminated her face. “You’re back!” she exclaimed, her voice like a ray of sunshine. “Did you find something interesting this time?”

John hesitated for a moment. There was something about the way she looked at him—so open, so inviting—that made him uncomfortable. Why does she seem so at ease? he wondered, almost absentmindedly. He observed her every movement. He had learned over the years that no one was completely innocent. Every smile could hide a motive, and he couldn’t afford to let his guard down.

“I’m still deciding,” he murmured, keeping his voice steady, not revealing the whirlwind of thoughts racing through his mind. Her expression, however, didn’t change. Her smile remained calm, showing no signs of insincerity. Either she’s a great actress, or… maybe she really is just that genuine?

She nodded, seeming satisfied with his answer. “That’s alright! I’m just happy to have you back. I have some new books that you might like,” she said, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm.

John glanced away briefly, as if surveying the bookstore, but in reality, he was considering all possible exits, thinking about how each space could become an advantage point or a trap if he needed to act. That’s how he operated—always calculating.

He watched her move confidently around the space, picking up books and explaining their stories. John listened attentively, appreciating how animated she became, as if the words flowing from her mouth had a life of their own. However, while he listened, he continued evaluating. She seems sincere… but it’s hard to trust first impressions. His mind was always on alert.

“Have you read this one?” she asked, holding up a blue-covered book, her eyes eager for his response.

“No,” John admitted, “but I’m... willing to hear about it.”

The woman began talking about the plot, but he noticed she was also paying attention to him, as if trying to decipher what lay behind his calm expression. He struggled to maintain an air of mystery, not wanting her to know the weight he carried. She wants to understand more… but I can’t let her in.

“You have good taste, even if you don’t say much,” she observed with a playful smile.

John merely gave a slight smile in return, one that he didn’t even notice, a gesture that seemed sufficient for her. He liked how she didn’t press him, respecting his space. “Sometimes, silence speaks louder than words,” he commented, feeling it was an appropriate yet evasive response. It’s safer this way… he thought.

She nodded as if she understood. “I agree. Still, it’s nice to hear some stories from time to time.”

They were engrossed in conversation when suddenly, the sound of John’s phone ringing cut through the light atmosphere of the bookstore. He glanced at the screen and saw the name of a contact he didn’t want to see. A look of concern crossed his face as he hesitated to answer.

“Sorry,” he murmured to her, bringing the phone closer. “I need to take this.”

She nodded, and he stepped back a bit, the voice on the other end serving as a brutal reminder of his reality. “John, we need you. It’s urgent.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the weight of responsibility pressing down on his shoulders. “Understood,” he replied, his voice low and firm. “I’ll be there soon.”

Hanging up, he turned to the woman, frustration and sadness swirling in his eyes like a storm brewing on the horizon. “I have to go,” he said, his tone clipped and cold, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavily between them. The change in his demeanor was evident, casting a shadow over the warmth of their earlier conversation.

She looked at him, understanding reflected in her gaze. “It’s okay. I hope everything is alright,” she replied, her smile unwavering. “Come back when you can.”

He nodded silently, the promise lingering in the air. And with one last look around, he left the bookstore, carrying with him the memory of the peace he had found there, even knowing that it didn’t belong in his life.

As he stepped outside, he pulled the collar of his suit tighter, trying to conceal the pain still throbbing in his shoulder. Walking through the city streets, the feeling that he didn’t belong in that kind of peace grew within him. It was as if the tranquility of the bookstore was a distant world, one he had no right to access.

Quickening his pace, John blended into the crowd, once again wrapped in the shadows of his life. Work was calling him, and as he glanced back, he knew that temporary peace would be hard to find again.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

Mia watched the mysterious man walk out the door, his presence still lingering in the air. It was impossible not to notice the melancholy he carried, like a visible weight on his shoulders. She wished he was okay; maybe he had faced a tough day. But unlike the other customers who often appeared with a similar sadness, his pain seemed deeper, as if shaped by difficult experiences.

She tried to shake off those thoughts, knowing that losing herself in them would lead nowhere. Just then, her coworker, Tom, emerged from the back of the bookstore, looking groggy. Tom, a man with dark skin and adorable curls, always brought a lightness to the atmosphere, even when he was sleepy. His playful nature was a balm for heavier days, and he was Mia’s only friend, someone who treated her like a younger sister.

“Finally, Tom! I thought you passed out back there,” she remarked, a smile playing on her lips as she moved to the counter to put away the books she had been showing the man.

Tom rubbed his eyes, trying to shake off the sleepiness. “Sorry, I had to sort through a bunch of boxes that arrived this morning. What did I miss? Any interesting customers?”

Mia glanced out the window, watching the street where the man had disappeared. “Yeah, there was... A customer in a suit… and he was really quiet. He seemed a bit… distant, you know?”

“Another one of those businessmen, huh?” Tom said, putting his hands in his pockets as he approached the counter. “You know how those types are. Sometimes, they just need a little space.”

“Yeah…” Mia replied, rearranging one of the books on the counter. “He didn’t say much, but he seemed… I don’t know, just… different.”

Before she could continue her thought, the sound of the door opening brought a new customer into the store. Mia straightened her shoulders, returning to her work with her usual smile. “Good afternoon! Can I help you with anything?”

As the new visitor browsed the shelves, Tom leaned closer, hands still in his pockets, watching Mia sideways. “You seem a bit lost in thought today. Everything okay?” He always noticed when something was bothering her, as if he had a special intuition for it.

She offered a small smile and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just… I don’t know, I’m tired.”

Tom studied her for a moment, then gave the counter a light tap. “Alright. But don’t worry. We always end up meeting all kinds of people here. Maybe he was just having a tough day.”

Mia nodded, turning her attention back to the customer in the store. Maybe that was all it was. Just another ordinary day, another passing customer. The thought made her smile. After all, the bookstore was filled with stories—on the shelves and among the people who came and went every day.

“Yeah, you’re probably right…” Mia murmured, and just as she spoke, the doorbell chimed again, signaling yet another arrival.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

John couldn't help but feel a pang of pride for having come out of this mission without major injuries. Each day seemed like a new opportunity to improve, to become more lethal, more efficient. Even after so many years in this life, he knew there was still room for growth. After all, that was what he did best, right? Fight, stab, shoot. Kill. It was what he knew, what defined his existence.

With a tired grunt, the tall man sank into the sofa, feeling the weight of the day on his shoulders. His large house was enveloped in a deafening silence, a constant echo of his loneliness. The empty walls seemed to close in around him, reminding him that, no matter how unbeatable he was on the battlefield, here, within these four walls, he was just a solitary man marked by his choices.

The life he had built, on a foundation of blood and violence, now felt like an invisible prison. But this was the only life he knew how to live.

John ran his hands through his hair, massaging his sore neck as he settled into the sofa. The stillness of the house wrapped around him like a heavy cloak, with nothing to distract him from the thoughts that always came flooding back. There was no music, television, or any sound to break the emptiness, only the echo of his own footsteps resonating in his mind.

He looked at the coffee table, where a half-empty bottle of whiskey awaited, a reminder of nights when alcohol was his only reliable companion. Next to the bottle, his gun lay, cold and silent, yet ever-present. It was ironic how the objects surrounding him—the weapons, the elegant furniture, the empty hallways—spoke more about who he had become than any words ever could.

John leaned forward to grab the glass, swirling the amber liquid before taking a long gulp. The taste burned his throat, but he didn't wince. There was a strange comfort in feeling something, anything, even if it was just the artificial warmth of the alcohol. The silence returned, relentless.

For a moment, he thought about calling someone. Someone to talk to, even if only for a few minutes. But soon that idea faded away. Who would he call? Who could understand the depth of his darkness?

He set the glass aside and stood up, slowly crossing the room, his heavy footsteps echoing on the wooden floor. Sometimes he found himself wondering if this was the life he had chosen or just the one the world had forced upon him. But, regardless of the answer, he was trapped. There was no easy way out.

Outside, the city continued to pulse, indifferent to the existence of John Wick. And he, in the midst of loneliness, knew he would soon be called to kill again. The cycle never ended.

John stopped in front of the window, watching the city stretch out before him. The bright lights twinkled in the distance, and the distant sound of traffic was the only connection he had to the world outside. He could see life happening, people living their routines without imagining what lurked in the shadows. For them, the city was vibrant, full of opportunities and dreams. For him, it was just a prison, camouflaged in lights and movement.

He rested his hands on the window ledge, feeling the cold of the glass against his skin. Even from his height, he knew he was not above anything. The violence, the darkness, the blood—all of it surrounded him, filled him. There was no escape. Each mission he completed took him deeper into the abyss.

In the distance, a police siren echoed, pulling John from his thoughts. He sighed, knowing there would be more battles ahead, more deaths to add to his already long list.

John stepped away from the window, and instinctively, his eyes fell on the gun on the table. It was an extension of himself, a tool he wielded with deadly precision. There was a part of him that took pride in that—in the efficiency, the skill, the control. But another part, buried deep inside, wondered how long it would last. How long would he endure this cycle of violence before he finally fell?

He picked up the gun and examined it, his fingers gliding over the cold metal. Unlike people, the gun had never betrayed him. It was straightforward, without ambiguities. With it, the world was simple. There was a target and an end.

A soft notification buzzed on his phone, cutting through the silence of the room. The screen lit up with a familiar name—a new job. Another name to cross off the list. He knew he had no choice. He never had. Leaving the gun on the table, he picked up the phone, his fingers hovering over the message for a moment before opening it.

Another contract. Another target.

John closed his eyes for a second, allowing the weight of everything that was to come to settle over him. Then, with the determination that had always guided him, he opened his eyes and left the apartment, ready to face the next battle, just as he always did.

In the end, he was not a man of peace.

Next chapter!

[bambi-kinos]

This is just speculation, and your own speculation is very interesting too, but I definitely think Paul McCartney is autistic. I come from a family with a lot of different presentations of autism, and he reminds me of my brother like crazy.

To me, a lot of his more successful social skills come from just being very extroverted and a people pleaser, i.e. he got really good at figuring out how to get positive responses from people in most normal social interactions. To me, the biggest tell is how he handles situations where his wants directly conflict with someone else's: He just completely shuts down and acts like he didn't hear them. That's like. 100% in line with the more socially savvy autistic people in my life (including me to some extent lol). I also don't think he's as good at reading people as you seem to think (this is just a difference in interpretation, not trying to say you're wrong!) I just think he knows what generally makes people happy, and sticks with that mostly, often to the detriment of nuance when it comes to people like, say, George.

I am hesitant to commit to Paul being possibly autistic because I am personally allistic. If I tried to essay about that then I would at best say something stupid and at worst say something bigoted. I am dating an autistic NB but that made me aware of how much I don't know about being autistic and being trans so I tend to back off from those topics. I feel relatively confident about Paul because I've had so many friends who autistic in nerd spaces like this one. Paul doesn't remind me of them. I tend to gravitate to autistic people anyway because autistic people don't mind me being blunt so I have more experience than the average person. But ultimately I just can't bring myself to commit to Paul having full blown autism because I'm not qualified to make a judgment like that. I have to commit to what I know. I trample on a lot of people just in my day to day, I don't want to add autistic fans to that list because they go through enough shit irl, I don't want to add to it on this platform. I am not able to make posts saying "autism Paul thinks this way" or "he does this because autism does that." I don't want to make hurtful pronouncements like that.

My interpretation stems from the idea that Paul is heavily self interested. I don't see much of a people pleasing element to him at all or else George wouldn't have made the "pleasantly insincere" comment about him. I think Paul is much more about camouflage and smoothing things over so he, John, and The Beatles (in that order) can have an easier go of things. The newspaper maneuver always reads as a "I'm pointedly ignoring you to make you feel bad about speaking that way to me" to me.

Otoh I'd really love more interpretations of Paul as autistic provided it was autistic fans making them. (I want authenticity not other allistic fans meaning well and getting it wrong like with the Rosie books.) Part of the mismatch here is that the gulf between allistic and autistic people is narrow but deep and communicating across it is hard.

Like in Ghostbusters fandom the character Egon Spengler has been retroactively recognized as autistic because Dan Akyrod got his autism diagnosis as an adult which then influenced the creation of the character Phoebe who is heavily autism coded. That's cool but what's happened in Ghostbusters fandom is that Egon is infantilized quite a bit which runs against his actual character in the original movie. And I have to think that it is because of the gap between allistic and autistic fans that this happens.

Tl;dr anyone can and should believe in autism Paul, my only thing is that it needs to come from an autistic fan because I don't believe in an allistic fan's ability to understand and portray it well, including myself.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Alright, today Ive read chapters 9-12 and honestly, at a certain point reading this book while knowing all the spoilers stops being frustrating and starts just being funny. Like, Ianthe brings up the fact that people are gonna want to kidnap Feyre for "breeding" to which Tamlin says that no one is gonna dare do that to Prythian's Saviour because then theyll be on the shitlist of the other six courts, but Ianthe says that Rhysand could and would do it because hes The Most Powerful(tm) and hes really manipulative and yeah. shes right. Obviously I know this is gonna be treated as unreasonable and as foreshadowing of Ianthe being evil all along, but shes totally right

Anyway, Rhysand continues to be unbearably annoying but not in any particularly interesting way, so I dont really have anything to say about him. I hate how hes so powerful that six courts all working together would be no match for the night court and he comes across as sooooo insincere. Like, I often talk about not being the biggest Feylin fan because its pretty boring to me, but atleast it was like, sweet because of how genuine and endearingly awkward Tamlin was

Speaking of Tamlin, guess who just keeps getting worse and worse? I had some hope for him when he reduced the guards and gave Feyre more freedom, but then he doubled them again and he did that thing with the barrier around the manor so yeah. Now, if I wanted to be a pedantic asshole I could point out that he listened to Feyre (who managed to very clearly tell him what she needs at the moment, freedom, which was great) and they were doing fine until Rhysand came back, but as much as I would like to blame Rhysand for everything, Tamlin's actions are still his own. And honestly, I find Tamlin keeping any guards around Feyre after what she told him very unreasonable

I think keeping Feyre safe has become a coping mechanism for him because he couldnt protect her from Amarantha back then so now hes trying his best to protect her from Rhysand (and others, but mostly him rn) who was essentially Feyre's very own Amarantha, and obviously its not his fault that thats a coping mechanism he developed, but it is actively making Feyre upset and making it more difficult for her to heal as well, and hes the older one in this situation, hes the guy whos dealt with intense trauma before, he should be listening to her and giving her space

The only thing where I'll kinda take Tamlin's side is him locking her in the manor when he was going to the western border and Feyre wanted to follow them, but even then the force field was way too much. But also, to me it very much seemed like he and Lucien were in a hurry to leave and it was a very hasty spur-of-the-moment decision, but also it felt like the narrative was trying to demonise him more by impling that it was more of a calculated decision. Like, idk thats the vibe that Lucien explaining to Feyre that everyone but her could pass through the shield gave me, but that might just be a personal thing. I mean, Tamlin is clearly being demonised here either way, him being so unreasonable is something that I find very OOC even with the recent trauma hes experienced. But, theres a lot of buts in this paragraph i know, I do also want to acknowledge that Feyre would likely not have wanted to go with Tamlin to this conflict-zone if he had listened to her wayyyyyy earlier and not doubled the guards again. I recognize this kind of behaviour because I also felt like I had no agency over my situation in the past and Im also a very stubborn person, and it lead to me also doing more and more reckless things in an attempt to make the people around me actually listen, and make them understand how serious I was about getting out of the situation that was upsetting me

(In case youre worried, Im completely fine now and Im leaving out a lot of detail for the sake of my privacy and so I can draw a cleaner parallel)

Speaking of Feyre's agency, chapter 12 ended with her having a panic attack because she was trapped and then Mor and Rhysand showed up and Alis just gave them to her??? First of all, insane behaviour, second of all, I hate that Rhysand is meant to be the choice guy or whatever but wont wait for her to come of her own volition. I think it wouldve been better if she had that panic attack and it ran its course and then she either called for Rhys or Mor or managed to winnow to the night court herself and thats how she got there. Also, and this is part of the same issue, I hate that Rhys is the one who originally forced her to read. I think at some point Feyre shouldve realised that all the people in the spring court are withholding information from her but!, she realises that they write shit down sometimes and exchange messages and whatnot so knowing how to read could really help her here and maybe she even thinks about Rhysand taunting her about teaching her UTM, so next time shes at the Night Court she demands that she be taught how to read herself

Because honestly, right now it seems like she has the same amount of agency no matter what court shes in, which is basically none

I was gonna end it on that snappy one-liner, but then I remembered all the stuff with Feyre losing weight and how Rhys remarks upon it and how Feyre notices herself getting thinner as well and I dont have that much to say about it, I just wanted to say that it just made me incredibly uncomfortable

But yeah, now Im done for realsies

[the-invisible-queer]

My dad and I had a discussion last night because I was talking about how sad it is that after Netflix bought VeggieTales they were no longer Christian

Because I know what it's like having a religious mom who only wants you to watch Christian media and VeggieTales was always a GREAT choice

And I pointed out that most Christian media sucks ass ESPECIALLY the children's media because every Christian and their mom thinks they are a writer and they are NOT

It all comes off cheesy and insincere

Even when I was a blind follower of the church I hated all of it

So my dad was like "why don't you change that? You know the Bible better than some most people i know"

Which isn't the compliment ge thinks it is

I know the Bible because I was learning Bible stories while I was learning my ABCs

Went to church every Sunday for the first 18 years of my life

We literally had Christian cable for like 3 years because my mom was convinced anything not Christian that my brothers and I watched was demonic and would steal our souls

BELIEVE me the Christians don't want my interpretation of their favorite Bible stories because they're not gonna like it

There's a reason I've come to hate the Bible as a whole

I believe in a creator

I believe in what Jesus was trying to say

But the Bible is just noise

The Christian god should have just made it one page "Don't be a dick, don't kill people, help those in need, LOVE EACH OTHER"

Also the way people pick and choose what to get mad about

*insert that scene from West Wing where Martin Sheen absolutely obliterates that conservative bitch*

I'm not gonna trust a book that's touched hundreds maybe even millions of hands and has been "inrerpreted" and changed by so many

When I say that my mom likes to hit me with "so you're doubting that God's divine power because the book we read is how he intended it"

I just don't like a book that if you change the translation it changes the complete meaning of a sentence

I'm not saying language translation

I'm talking going from King James version to the new international version and the new living translation

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY TRANSLATIONS THAT ALL SOUND DIFFERENT?!?!?

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hi! Can I get a matchup for Honkai Star Rail & Genshin Impact please? ♡

Pronouns: She/Her Sexuality : Bi with a preference for men I would say ? Zodiac/MBTI : Gemini & INFJ Appearance : 5'4'', long brown hair, light brown eyes, some freckles on the face, average height, rather thin

Personality : I'm quiet/speak in a very calm voice when I don't know the people around, I smile a lot when I talk, I'm pretty shy but I'm making a lot of progress lately! I laugh/smile easily with others, I like to spend time alone but also connect with others, support them emotionally in their lives, I look for connections, I tend to overthink and question my personality/choices. I can be determined and hardworking to achieve my goals. I'm very sensitive to criticism. I’m thoughtful and like to know the consequences, I visualize the life I want to have and work to achieve it through my goals. With my close circle I like to laugh, sometimes I can even be loud and completely confident in my way of speaking

Likes: animanga, animated tv shows, books, video games, movie/anime/game soundtracks, baking, sports, fashion, astronomy and space (honkai <3), poetry, my favorite characters, animals, family and friends, nature (mountains, lakes, forests especially), graphic design, drawing, talking about topics, visiting places (in the city, in nature), daydreaming, connecting to others, finding inspiration, decorating, spring

Dislikes: lack of respect/empathy, meanness in general, hot weather, big parties, not having enough time to discover/read/watch everything I want haha, paperwork, people making fun of others, insincerity

Hobbies: watching/reading animanga, listening to soundtracks, doing artistic things, playing video games, walking outside, stargazing, relaxing, taking care of and playing with my pet, talking with my friends, watching videos to learn things

My love languages are quality time then words of affirmation and physical touch. Listening, mutual appreciation, gentle moments and sharing are what I look for most in a relationship, it's important to me!

I hope I gave enough information thanks in advance! <3

Hi Anon! Thank you for your request! I hope you like your matchups!

In Honkai Star Rail, I match you with...

Gepard is someone who can appreciate your hatred of paperwork. There are upsides to his job, but paperwork is not one of them.

He'd enjoy going for walks with you, if only to get away from the stress of his responsibilities.

He might be busy a lot of the time but when he does have free time, he loves to relax with you listening to music, watching you play games, or stargaze.

I see Gepard as someone who enjoys stargazing. He finds it relaxing but also lets him learn about something you're interested in.

Gepard is also not the biggest fan of big parties either. He doesn't mind small parties with close friends but big parties make him anxious. He doesn't want to have to arrest someone and ruin the mood.

Gepard admires your hardworking nature. He'll always check in to see how you're doing though. He's hardworking as well and he knows firsthand the impact that can have on your mental and physical health.

Loves spending quality time with you. And his favourite version of that is laying on a couch with you wrapped up in his arms. He can feel your presence and knows that you're safe and sound.

In Genshin Impact, I match you with...

Tighnari likes that you're a good balance of quiet and loud. He appreciates that you're not completely over the top but that you also have confidence in yourself.

Tries to help you not over think things too much. He knows it can be a hard habit to change but he'll give you all the support you need.

Tighnari can show a bit of lack of respect for people sometimes but only when they've done something to deserve it (like the academia scholars that keep pestering him to come to Sumeru City).

He's got plenty of experience with paperwork so if you do have to do any, he can help you out with it.

Taking walks with you is one of Tighnari's favourite pastimes. He gets to spend time with his favourite person, as well as be surrounded by nature.

Also enjoys doing artisitc things with you. Tighnari's more academically inclined but I think he's pretty good at drawing, especially when he's drawing plants.

Tighnari is also a fan of physical touch. He'd love to stand with you, arms wrapped around you in a tight hug and gently sway side to side. His tail will be swaying as well. He's never felt happier.

[doesicknss]

i don’t even know how to start this, but hey. if you’re seeing this, i just want to say that i’ve noticed you’ve been copying my text and posting it as if it’s your own. this is not okay, and honestly, it’s really disappointing. why would you take something i wrote and claim it as yours? even if you relate to what i write or how i feel, that doesn’t give you the right to copy it. it’s one thing to feel a connection to someone’s words, but it’s a completely different thing to take those words and act as if they came from you. don’t bother texting me to ask for permission because the answer is no. everything i write comes from my heart and soul, it’s personal. every word is a reflection of what i’m going through, what i feel, and how i see the world. it’s my truth, my life, my experience. i’m not a book you can pick phrases from to paste on your tumblr or tiktok. this isn’t just some random content i’m putting out for likes or attention, it’s me. it’s my emotions and my reality, and seeing someone else take that and try to pass it off as their own is not only weird but also disrespectful. please write your own stuff. live your own experiences. stop pretending to live mine. you’ll never understand it the way i do because it’s mine, and trying to wear my words like they’re yours only makes you seem insincere and fake. instead of wasting your time copying someone else, try focusing on your own journey. your own life is worth expressing, and you’ll never truly grow if you keep hiding behind what other people have created. it’s not just about the words either, it’s about respect. respect the effort, the emotions, and the vulnerability it takes to put something out into the world. when you copy, you’re not just stealing words, you’re stealing someone’s voice, their story, their identity. you wouldn’t want someone to do that to you, so why would you think it’s okay to do it to someone else? that’s all i’ve got to say. i hope this makes you think twice before doing this again. please, for the sake of decency, don’t come here again just to take what i’ve written. it’s frustrating and it’s hurtful. i genuinely hope you find your own voice and start creating something that’s truly yours. have a good day, or night, or whatever time it is. thank you for reading.

[atime2write]

The Gathering

I have a friend whom I’ve known since I was nine years old, and he remains my best friend despite the years and the fact that he’s a he. His youngest child is my godchild, just as my youngest is his. My family knew him since we’re kids, and My husband and kids knew him too. Whenever I go on vacation, I make sure we have time to catch up and share updates about our lives.

That Saturday morning, we chatted because his birthday was coming up. I told him about the recent fallout with my friend of seven years. He downplayed it, saying it was just a small matter, akin to a child’s tantrum. I agreed and said it would pass with time. He jokingly asked for her Facebook profile so he could reprimand her. I told him I thought she had deactivated her account since I couldn’t see her in our group chat anymore. He searched her name and found her profile. “So she blocked you,” he said. “She apologized, and when you ignored her, she blocked you. Her apology doesn’t seem sincere.” I mentioned that we would see each other at an upcoming dinner.

I messaged our mutual friend who was hosting the dinner to confirm the time I would arrive. I was the first guest there. I shared with the hosts (a husband and wife) that my friend of seven years and I had a misunderstanding, and I felt hurt. I speculated that she had either deactivated her account or blocked me. The husband, who is also our friend, checked her profile and there it was confirmed that she had blocked me. At that moment, I felt a mix of frustration, anger, and disbelief.

Later, the spectator messaged me to ask what time I would arrive at the dinner. I replied that I had just arrived. They were on the bus and would be there shortly. The wife asked how I would react if I saw my friend of seven years. I said I would be civil, but my frustration surged knowing she had blocked me.

When they arrived, I caught up with a friend from Spain, asking about her life and happiness there. She sensed the tension and she met her through me. They met her through me. As dinner was being served, with a glass of wine in hand, I told the joker sitting next to me, “Hey, she blocked me. I found her apology insincere. With my voice raised, I said, ‘Sorry but not sorry, where’s the sincerity?’” The dinner table fell silent, and I felt the eerie atmosphere. It was just me and my anger. I said, “I know you all talk to each other.”

After a while, to ease the tension, I told them I would leave first. I removed myself because I didn’t want my emotions to ruin everything. That night, after I left, I blocked all possible ways for her to communicate with me.She had a week to reach out to me, but she chose to block me instead. Like all her past failed relationship instead to reach out she chose to blocked, I knew her, and returned the favor and gave her a taste of her own medicine. I cut her off completely. I knew our mutual friends would walk on eggshells at gatherings, so I chose to be the one to walk away. I like solitude. Being alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely. I have my husband and kids to cheer me up, a book to read, and nature to explore. Having friends is a social norm, but it’s hard to sustain when disrespect enters, and wavelengths are not met. Now, I stay away from unpleasant vibes. I’ve learned my lesson and will carry it forward.

[themovieblogonline]

Guardians of the Galaxy 3: A Thrilling Cosmic Adventure From Marvel's Space Squad

Marvel Studios’ “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3” is full of surprises and will keep audiences on the edge of their seats. This last film in James Gunn’s trilogy combines deep emotion, the director’s special brand of humor, cinematic artistry, and action-packed moments—all leading to an outcome that no one will expect…#bringyourtissues. The Good about Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3: Say what you want about James Gunn, but he stuck the landing with this Guardians of the Galaxy. The strong character development for each of the characters really makes this movie stand out. Not only does Rocket get his time in the spotlight, but so do the other Guardians. Peter Quill and Gamora's reunion is explosive. Drax has a great arc in this film that, while not filled with the murderous Thanos hate-filled rage that we know that character for, is deeply satisfying in its own way. Mantis and Nebula try to get in on the development too, and while their arcs aren't as pronounced, they are growing much more than what we've seen before and what I expected. The characters feel like they deserve their growth, and it's satisfying to watch and hear. The music in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3, while not perfect, supported a lot of the emotional moments well. I was nervous about the runtime, but the combination of funky but fun camera work and oftentimes good music makes for a fun experience on the big screen. You'll tap your feet, nod your head, and you might even see some overexcited people break into dance. The movie was pretty immersive, and that rocks! Speaking of rocking, the movie has some really good special effects. We've been trained to lower our expectations in that department, so it was really refreshing to see effects done so well. Groot, Rocket, and the High Evolutionary's creations are really cool to see because they look so good. The explosions rocked the theater, and space looked awesome and cold. Overall, this movie delivers some of the best effects we've seen in quite some time. The Bad about Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3: Adam Warlock. Every time I saw this character on screen, I cringed a little. Now, I know I'm not supposed to compare to the comics, but when you completely change a character this strongly, it feels insincere. He's nothing like his source material, and he's not interesting in his adaptation to the MCU. Not only was this character a disappointment in characterization, but he also feels completely unnecessary. One of my least favorite character types are ones that can be removed from the story and have no inherent impact on the story. It feels like that character isn't needed at all. The High Evolutionary isn't a remarkable villain. Granted, this franchise is less about the villains and more about the Guardians themselves, but this character seems derivative and doesn't stand out as a villain on his own. He's a little bit of Kang, a lot of Doctor Doom, but not at all unique. I like the performer, even when he's a little hammy, but I don't think he's at all distinctive. Overall: I really like this movie. Like, a lot. This is a great return to form for the Guardians and comic book films. It's full of heart, action, and some great emotionally charged character development. I laughed, I cheered, and my eyes got watery, which is the kind of experience I love in a movie. Read the full article

[monstersinthecosmos]

I thought I was the only one who thinks Loustat's romance is as dry as a desert. I don't know whether is the direction or the cinematography or writing or whatever the fuck. I see all this sex but none of the desire which is funny because it's all the way around in the books, no dicks touch butts in the novel but it is still a very sensual read. I don't think is a lack of chemistry between the actors neither because they're both clearly committed to their roles and enjoy their parts. I don't know. It's all very weird. Maybe Bryan just hit the jackpot with Hugh and Mads.

I MEAN HE DEFINITELY HIT A JACKPOT LMAO but like I don't think Jacob & Sam are bad, either, and like THEY HAVE SO MUCH CHEMISTRY IN INTERVIEWS???? WHERE IS THAT ON THE SHOW?

It's largely about the writing though and like all my complaints about the show have to do with writing. They're both doing awesome work with what they're given lmao.

I've complained about this a few times already LMAO but all of the sort of self aggrandizing that the show is doing about ~ReMoVing the SuBTExT~ is so hollow to me when you sit down and watch the show and realize the "subtext" they meant was to say THEY FUCK and not THEY ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER. It reduces love to being about sex in a way that's so just, honestly tacky and disappointing and so out of sync with what I see in the novels.

Like where's the sensuality and heat and fuck-me-eyes and steamy blood sharing and casual intimacy? Don't just show me Sam's ass in the pilot in a scene that's arguably dubcon. Don't sell your show as a romance when the most genuine interaction between them was 2 seconds from Claudia's POV.

I think there's a lot of telling and not showing going on; I spent the entire first episode not sure what Louis sees in him aside from the mind gifting & coercion, because they made the choice to montage their courtship and not show us the romance. The second episode Louis had to literally say like 5 times "He was enthralling" voiced over scenes of abuse and coercion. Third episode is infidelity drama with Louis's puppydog eyes going "Aren't I enough?" and like ?? Where does this even come from? Do they even like each other lol.

Plus with all the confusing exposition about why are we doing a second interview that scene when Daniel plays the tape at him is so ??? THEYRE THE SAME PICTURE LOL. It ruins the argument that they look worse/more frigid because of Louis's POV. They're telling us out loud that Louis is portraying Lestat as his soulmate, that's the story we're supposed to be getting? But he's still coming off like a complete asshole? This confused me so much.

Enjoy the toxic ship as much as you want but I just, don't see the horniness personally. Louis has been abused to an honestly unreasonable degree, and they used such real-world tropes to show us that it doesn't feel like fantastical vampire drama, especially when they've made such a point in anchoring his character into his race. Everyone had a problem with the violence in episode 5 but doesn't seem to care about the insincere gift-giving in episode 6, when that's JUST as realistic to real life abuse. But what I've learned from this fandom is that abuse isn't real unless someone hits you lol but that's not my business.

(Let's also not get into how the abuse in Episode 6 was also largely directed at Claudia but that's another story.)

I just don't get it like, we know from Hannibal, from Tony Soprano, from Walter White, from Dexter, that you can have fun with a bad guy, you can still enjoy when he gets what's coming to him, you can cheer for him through the badness. They had Lestat there already and oversold it, imo. He was already so petty and abusive and poorly behaved and it would've made sense that they rise up against him. They just oversold it so hard in a way that's just so uncomfortable (real world uncomfortable) outside of genre convention and just isn't all that fun to watch tbh. And they've made Louis such a sad sack it's just, so hard to watch him go through this. I think if he had a shred of agency it would feel more like it was in his own power and I'm just not really getting that from the story they're telling us and it's honestly just so fucking depressing.

And all that and it's like, not even sexy idk. Like if you're having fun and it gets you off, please enjoy! I just think it's being beaten over the head, like it was already so abusive via the gaslighting and whatnot and that type of CHEMISTRY is something I really enjoy in toxic ships hahaha but it's just like, so unrelenting and it's hard to enjoy when we never get to see them just loving each other.

Like, when Lestat is inevitably murdered and Louis has to deal with the guilt and grief of it, what is he even going to be grieving? With Paul they made the point to let us see their relationship so we understand what he lost, and with Lestat? idk. It'll be more of the voiceover going "He was all I knew" without like, letting us enjoy that on screen while it's still here.

[froggie-recs-fics]

How about a winterion fic rec- preferably post cw and anti the rest of team cap? I loooove those (also wanted to say thank you for what you do! Happy holidays! ♥️)

Aw it is completely my pleasure! And thank you <3!

Honestly, I don't read many anti-team Cap fics, but I have some winteriron post-CW fic recs. I'll organize them the best I can! All of these are post-CW :)

Thanks for sending in a request!

Anti-Team Cap

Changing Fate by Wix (T, CNTW, 27K, pre-slash, Time Travel)

Tony dies in Siberia under the hands of Captain America, but fate doesn't leave it there. He opens his eyes several years earlier amidst the threat of Loki's invasion and the first assembling of the 'Avengers'. Tony may not understand why he got this second chance, but he's going to do better with it - and he's decided that he's going to share it. With a Winter Soldier who could really use a different hand than he was dealt.

Never let it be said that fate doesn't have a sense of humor.

Forms of Love by bear_bell (E, 33K, Dissociative Identity (WS and Bucky are different people))

Months after the Avengers' dispute in Germany, the team returns to the US and moves back into the tower. As always, everyone pretends that nothing happened. Tony is just fine with this. He's used to pretending, and he'll be damned if he lets any of them see him flinch.

Tony's the bad guy, after all. He's used to it. He's fine with it. He's good at it.

Only now, there's something far worse loitering around the tower - The Winter Soldier. No one notices the guy at first, but when they do, Tony figures that he should have the soldier's back.

Birds of a feather should flock together, and the bad guys should start a book club.

The Mistletoe Kiss Polka by RayShippouUchiha @rayshippouuchiha (M, 11K, Angst, Holiday)

“That’s a damn shame,” Tony says, voice practically dripping with insincerity. He has zero interest in playing whatever party game Wilson’s come up with in order to try and boost team morale.

Tony already knows how well that particular situation would likely play out if he was involved.

“They engaged in the game known as Secret Santa,” FRIDAY keeps going. “Since you were not available the last name in the pot was to be assigned to you automatically.”

“Of course it was,” Tony waves a hand absently in the air around him. “Look FRI you can pick whatever for whoever I’m getting saddled with and be done with it. Just … throw some money at them or something. I don’t actually care.”

“Actually, Boss,” FRIDAY cuts in. “I believe you’re going to want to handle this one on your own.”

Just Let Me Breathe by ali_aliska (M, 9K, Hanahaki Disease, Friends to Lovers, Angst)

James didn’t notice the first itch in his throat, too enamored by the sight of Tony, too distracted by his selfish wishes to have this man’s love.

He didn’t realize this would be the end until the first red petal fell from his lips.

A Tug in the Right Direction by ali_aliska (T, 8K, Polyamory, Dissociative Identity (WS and Bucky are different people))

On his way home, Tony finds an injured stray in an alley and despite his best intentions, ends up adopting the dog.

As dogs tend to do, the newest furry Compound resident makes everyone’s lives just a little bit brighter (unless one dares to wish harm upon Tony), up to and including throwing off the whole betting pool and accomplishing what the rest of the team had been unable to do in regards to the three pining idiots.

Team Cap Neutral or Positive

It was Never Just Coffee by TheSopherfly @sopherfly (G, 2K, Fluff)

Bucky starts making Tony coffee. Really good coffee. Finally, Tony asks why.

Winter Wooer by salytierra @fakesheep-luna-blog (M, 8K, Polyamory, Dissociative Identity (WS and Bucky are different people))

Winter may not be the most pleasant guy to live or share your body with, but he isn't nearly as destructive as everybody expected him to be either. He likes to brood in the corners, watch British TV, and freak people out. And Tony. He really, really likes Tony Stark. There's just one problem – Bucky's pretty sure he doesn't feel the same way about the guy.

The only thing you need to know about this story is that no matter how much you like winteriron, you'll never ship them as much as Steve ships them here.

Four Strings and Second Chances by Vashoth (M, Violence, 35K, Fix-it, Angst)

It was reluctance to let one of his finest inventions ever out of his grasp that made him take a couple days over a week to send the arm to Pepper’s office. But all things considered, Tony figured that sending finest prosthetic that had ever come into existence--literally grasping an olive branch--was one of the classiest gifts he’d ever given. He’d included a note and everything. ‘Barnes,

Can help with installation. Or not. Up to you. --Stark'

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Mini Series

E N H Y P E N as Vampires

pairings: jay park x reader

summary: you were obsessed to vampires not knowing you actually have on luring closely around you.

word count: 5.3k

warnings: a little spicy (keyword: little)

a/n: So after seeing black-haired Jay, I don’t know what else to feel. He really looked good! I mean, all of them looks so good. Oh my gosh, I don’t know. But I hope you enjoy this one. 🌸 (Taglist still open!)

taglist: @rubyanne, @izneos, @jung-breadshop @llamabouquet @eterniki @hwangjangmi @full-sannie @danyxthirstae01 @flowerjaem @dreamykkoo​​

“Oops. I’m sorry.” you politely said to the person you bumped into while holding some books over both of my arms. He glanced at you then decided to go back to what he was doing. You just shrugged it off and ignored it.

With a light bit to your lower lip you just continued your way back to where your table was. The table was already filled with a lot of books, you’re the only one occupying it but it seems like a group of friends were sitting there because of all the mess. You have a free period so you decided to spend your time here in the library, reading something about vampire.

“I knew I’ll find you here.” your head snapped upwards and a smile quickly spreads through your face at the sight of your friend in front of you.

He was gorgeous as always, Park Jay is in front of you, hair pushed back showing off that beautiful forehead of his. He was showing your his side-smirk while one of his hands was inside his pocket.

“Hi, I was just reading some stuff.” you said excitedly at him. He scoffed right at you didn’t really need to ask you what it was because he already knew what it is. There’s only one thing that makes you go crazy... vampires.

Jay sat down at the vacant chair beside you. He roamed his eyes around to all the different varieties of books at the table. There were thin ones and thick ones. All sort of those type of books you can see in a library.

“Can you even read all of these? I mean, there’s just too many.” Jay said sounding a bit concern as he even goes through some of the books. His face kind of made this unexplained expression as he see some weird stuff written over at the title of the book.

“So... I went here because Shan, is throwing a party later tonight. I was planning to invite you.” Jay said as he still kept looking through some of the books.

You don’t usually get along well with a lot of people. You only have few friends and Jay’s one of them. He figures it would be great to let you interact with real people instead of having you spend your night reading stuff like this. You glanced at him for a while.

“Sounds fun but I’ll pass. I have plans tonight.” you gave him a warm smile as you started flipping over at the pages of the book that you’re currently reading. You grabbed your small notebook to write down something new that you’ve just read.

Jay rolled his eyes and let out a loud sigh, “What plan? To read and research about vampires again?” you weren’t that much surprise to heard it from him. If there's somebody who knew you well, it would be him. Although you don't know much about your dear friend, he knew almost everything about you. Almost... since he doesn't have an idea about your feelings for him.

"Yeah, you got that right." you smiled at him before you went back at reading once again. Furrowing your brows seriously, you tried hard to focus at the books instead of Jay's manly scent.

You've always known his scent ever since. There's just something about it that makes your head grew blank of any thoughts but him. It was like his trademark, makes you aware that he's around.

He snorted beside you then rolled his eyes before resting his hand over at the book you were reading. With a shooting glare, you glanced towards his direction.

"I have better plans so we should go with mine." he shoot you with those intimidating stares. You can't help but to gulp while you're admiring his beauty. He looked so intimidating and hot at the same time. No wonder, a lot of girls from your university were head over heels for him.

"Why do you even want to bring me there? You know how I hate parties and you're probably just gonna use me to avoid those girls." you rolled your eyes at him as you shoved away his hands. You grunted when he don't even moved his hands. How can he be so strong?

"You're kind of right about the girls things but the main reason was because I don't want to be all happy in that party while you're being miserable reading." he said and even smirked at you.

You pushed the side of your cheek with your tongue as you raise an eyebrow at him tilting your head over at the side. "And who said I'll be miserable while reading? I would probably enjoy my night." you said.

He chuckled and finally moved his hand away from your book only to wrap it around your shoulder to pull you closer to him. With a bright red tinted over at your cheeks, you tried hard to calm yourself down.

"C'mon don't be a bummer! I promise I'll go to the library tomorrow with you and you can read for as long as you want." he said whispering over at your ears making your heart beat faster every time his hot breath fans over at your ears and neck.

You tried hard to ignore your beating heart and focused with what he just said. Did he really just said that? Offered to go with you at the library? He never done that before and despise it whenever you asked him to join you. He really got bored pretty fast so you can't blame him. Books just bore him out.

"Are you serious about that?" you said trying to check if he's saying the truth because you kind of doubt it. It can be one of his traps so he can make you go to that party.

"Yeah, I really mean it." and he smiled at you, this time sincerely. You felt your heart racing as your shoulder fell as a gesture of surrendering. You let out a sigh before you pursed your lips, starring over at his pretty eyes.

"Okay, we have to seal it." and you extended your hand over at him, showing him your little pinky finger.

Jay's eyes trailed over it and chuckle a bit because of how cute and childish you can really be. He raised his hand and linked his pinky with yours as he looked back up at you.

"Sealed. I'll pick you up at 8pm."

You tilted your head before slightly covering your ears as the loud music kind of ringed inside your head making it ache a bit. You're starting to regret your decision of coming here with Jay.

It's been almost like fifteen minutes and he can't be found anywhere! He just told you that he'll get both of you drinks and he disappeared. You rolled your eyes as you started fidgeting with your fingers, slightly starting to feel getting tired of the surrounding.

Whenever there’s a lot of people, you can just feel all of your energy getting sucked out. You don't know but that's just how you feel, maybe because you really hate being in a lot of crowd. Which is a little strange because your friend, Jay, was the complete opposite.

"Why does a pretty girl like you alone, huh?" your head snapped upwards when somebody talked to you. In front of you was one of the cocky football players in your school. You're familiar with him because he's one of the famous students. Often talked about by the girls in your class. He's also friends Jay, you think.

You gave him a faint smile, "Uh, Jay said he'll just grab us drinks." you reasoned out even though that was already fifteen minutes ago.

You saw how a playful smirk got plastered over at his lips, "Ohh, Jay... But I clearly remember seeing him banging somebody at the bathroom though?" he even tilted his head over at the side.

You didn't have time to examine his expression because you quickly felt betrayed after hearing that from him. He said he'll take care of you in this party but seems like he's gonna take care of something else. You have no right to get mad at him, it was normal. But what pisses you off is that you're supposed to be at your dorm, peacefully reading your books and he dragged you all the way here.

You let out a sigh standing up from the sofa and slightly pulling down the end of your short dress. You gave the guy an awkward insincere smile, "I think I should go." you mumbled as you were about to turn and leave the place when you felt him grabbing your arm, stopping you.

"Why don't you stay for a bit more? I can get you a drink." he smirked showing off his charming smile at you.

You battled inside your mind but ended up smiling at him in an apologetic way, "I'm sorry but I want to go now." and you tried to get away from his grip.

You made it outside the frat house and there’s still a lot of people outside but not as crowded from inside. When you were about to make it really out, you felt one hand gripped over you once again.

"Hey are you sure you don't want to stay?" it was the guy from before, he came after you.

"Uh yeah."

"Then can I just drive you home?" he sounds sweet, honestly. But since you knew him a bit, you know he's just basically wanting to get into your pants.

You gave him a smile once again, trying not to show that you're slowly getting pissed. Not to mention, Jay really did get into your nerves tonight.

"No, thanks." you sound polite saying no. When you were about to pull off from him, a hand suddenly loosen his grip from you and Jay's familiar back was now in front of you.

"Hands off, Yoon." Jay said firmly and he's now the one holding your arm. You rolled your eyes and looked away, still pissed at him.

"Okay! I was just offering her a ride home."

"Go offer that to somebody else." and you heard the guy walked away after he heard that from Jay.

You kept quiet even after he turned around to face you. His brows were furrowed hardly looking pissed as well. Taken aback at how he's acting, you pulled away from his grip.

"What?" you asked him sarcastically.

He let out a sigh, calming himself before he ran his hand over at his hair. "I clearly remember told you to stay and wait for me." he muttered seriously at you.

You smiled at him fakely, "Oh, I'm sorry. I figured you wanted to take time fucking the girl in the bathroom so I was just about to go home."

You saw the instant confusion over his face as he starred at you.

"What are you talking about?"

It pisses you even more looking at him denying it. "You were banging somebody at the bathroom that's why you disappeared."

He was still confused, "Banging? Who told you that? I was not--" you didn't even let him finish because you turned around, ready to leave. You were just getting pissed because he was denying it.

You felt him grabbing you and forcing you to face him, "Hey I'm telling the truth! You can even check if my I did. I was just caught off with some friends inside and when I went back to give you the drink, you were gone! You gave me a heart attack, thinking somebody took you somewhere else."

You crossed your arms at him, "I want to go home."

Jay starred right at your eyes and sighed heavily. He planned to actually have fun with you tonight but it seems like that's not gonna happen anymore because you're upset.

"Okay, I'm sorry baby if I left you for a long time." he said sincerely. You gulped and looked away from him as the sweet endearment of him rings over your mind.

You weren't even supposed to act mad. Then so what if Jay's fucking someone at the bathroom? He's already a grown man, he's attractive so a lot of girls will be interested to him! Maybe it's because of your jealousy? You don't exactly know what.

"Okay whatever. I wanna go."

"Okay, can I first have a hug because I was really scared when you were not there where I left you." you eyed him and he's now opening his arms for you.

"And to make sure you aren't upset anymore." he said smirking.

You starred at his eyes for a bit while before you gave in and let out a sigh. Slowly, you approach Jay and wrapped your arms around his waist while he wrapped his around you. He dropped a kiss over at your head before he mumbled something over at you.

"I'll just say goodbye with my friends inside and we can just go somewhere else." he softly said.

You pulled away from the hug after nodding, "Okay, I'll wait for you here."

He starred at you seriously before he shake his head, "No. I'm not leaving you ever again." and he pulled you by your hand.

When you made it inside the crowded frat house, the loud music once again ringed inside your head. The people inside were now getting wasted so it can't be helped to be bumped by somebody. Jay intertwined your fingers with his to make sure you won't be lost.

"Hey, I'll be going." you noticed Jay's familiar circle of friends. They eyed Jay and you saw that disappointed look over the girls that were there.

He chuckled as they groaned in disagreement. "It was a great party, dude. See you around." he lastly said before he started pulling you away.

You even saw how the girl's eyes looked at you with envy and madness. They sure want to stop Jay, that's for sure. But they also know once Jay made a decision, they can't stop him from doing it.

"Thank you." you smiled at him when he put some more books at the table. He smiled at you as he sat down beside you.

You're now at the library and as promised, Jay really did go with you. He even helped you look for books and said he will stay with you while you read.

As you started rummaging over the books, Jay rested his back over his chair and get his nintendo. He'll play while you do your reading. You've got no classes for today so you can do as much reading as you want without worrying for the next classes.

"Did you know vampires can live forever?" you said sounding so excited as you eyed Jay who's clearly busy with his game.

His hands were busy and his eyes too, while brows furrowed seriously, he gave you a quick glance.

"Oh really? Interesting." you ignored the fact that he sounded so sarcastic about and just kept flipping the pages of the book.

"And I even read that they can roam around even in broad daylight without worrying to be dissolved." you started blabbering some stuff you find cool about them.

Jay just gave you a small nod and still kept his eyes over at his game. You know you're sounding a bit pathetic to other people because of how crazy you are with vampires. They're just few people who believed they do exist and you're one of them. You're just glad that even though you're like this Jay didn't unfriend you. He's just there, listening with your obsession.

"Do you think it'll be painful if a vampire bite you?" You wondered and rested your elbows at the table then your head leaned over your palm as you stare over Jay.

You saw how he stopped moving his fingers and eye you. Those stares really gave chills over your back but you can't look away from him as well. His gazes truly were intimidating, but you love them.

"Wanna try?" he said seriously. You blushed hardly as you starred at him too.

You two were silent for a while as you slowly went back to your senses.

"What do you mean?" you asked feeling completely flustered.

He put his game over the table and leaned closer to you, you gulped starting to feel nervous. Jay's face was still serious when he stretched his hand and put it behind your neck before he pull you closer his lips quickly aiming for your neck.

"J-Jay?" you were confused why he's suddenly acting like this.

"I bet it'll hurt a lot, y/n. It will hurt so much that you can't even take the pain." he whispered after placing a soft kiss over at your neck.

You gulped trying to clear your throat and Jay pulled away now with a smirk over his handsome face. His hands crawled over at your neck and he grabbed it, with a slightly choking position but not tightening it.

"But I bet the vampire will enjoy biting your neck. Sure will do." he muttered before leaning closer to kiss you over at your cheek.

He pulled away and smiled at you, "I'll just get us some drinks." he winked before standing up and leaving you there, dumbfounded.

Jay's really driving you crazy! How can he pull off that stunt without even a single warning? You literally thought he'll bite off your neck or something. You sighed and you rested one of your hands at your chest. You can feel your indefinite heart beats, it was all his fault.

You starred worriedly over at Jay when he opened the door for you, one night. It was already 9pm and he suddenly called you saying he doesn't feel so good. You hurriedly went to his house to check on him and you saw him looking a bit unwell.

"What happened to you?" you asked worried and rested your hand over at his forehead. It was cold, like always.

He held your hand and smiled a little. You can clearly see that he isn't okay, that he's not feeling well.

"I'm fine. I'll get better once you cook for me." he said and starred right at you. You ended up nodding your head and instructing him to just lay down somewhere.

You tied your hair up and wore the apron slowly trailing over the familiar cozy floor of Jay’s house. It isn’t the first time you were there so were obviously used to it. You rummaged over his stuff and started making something you remembered he loved.

You were now chopping off some ingredients that you’ll be needing for the dish you’re planning to cook for him while you’re mind wonders off to Jay. Ever since the day at the library and the conversation about the bite in the neck, you started thinking about Jay even more. You don’t know why but you think you might be out of your mind. Your obsession with vampires was making you think your friend were actually one of them.

“Ugh.” you grunted lowly as you accidentally cut your finger. You quickly walked towards the sink to wash it away when you felt presence behind you.

“Y/n...” you heard Jay said in a low voice.

You turned around and saw him starring like crazy in your finger that was bleeding, “Jay, it was just a small cut.” you even tried smiling at him but his eyes were still locked at your bleeding finger.

Finding it a bit odd, you cupped his face using your unwounded hand and made him face you. It was just for a short moment but you clearly saw it with your own eyes. Jay’s black eyes turned into a bright red color. You don’t know how to express the excitement you just felt when you saw it.

“Y-You’re eyes...” Jay snapped back to reality and stepped backward, away from you. He knew he fucked up, he shouldn’t have made you go here when he’s like this, when he’s hungry. He thought he was in control and seeing you can somehow calm him down but why does it have to end this way? He can resist you as long as he cannot smell your blood but you just cut yourself and your blood triggers him.

All he wants now is to hold you closer, have some of those blood. Keep you near him, so close to him and to never let go. The most hidden feelings of him slowly becoming visible, he hates it.

“No way,” you mumbled still starring at him not minding that your finger was still bleeding.

“Yes way so if you don’t want me to eat you alive, get away.” Jay said and still slowly backing away.

You starred over at his eyes trying not to miss the moment of him changing his eye color. You can’t believe that what you just read was true. They did change their eye color! Excitement ate you whole as you advanced towards Jay, fear clearly can’t be seen over at your eyes.

“You don’t know how exciting that sounds for me, Jay.” Jay was dumbfounded to actually hear that from you. He’s being dizzy by the scent of your fresh blood and all the emotions that were starting to mess around.

He knew you were obsessed and crazy over his kind but he never really thought you’ll react this way when you knew about him. He didn’t took notice that you were now close to him. you cupped his face as you stare at him.

“Vampires do look breath-taking.” you said.

Jay gulped eyes turning red once again, you were too close and he knew it was dangerous. He pursed his lips as he held over your waist ready to push you away. n “Baby, this is not good. You’re making me so hungry.” he shut his eyes.

“You can have some.” Jay snapped his eyes open and when he saw how sincere your eyes looks, he can’t stop himself anymore.

He muttered small little curses under his breath before he carried you and made you sit over the kitchen counter. Jay held your face softly as his fangs slowly showed, “It’ll hurt a lot.”

You smiled and caress his face, “I can take it.”

He sighed and leaned forward to kiss you over at your lips once before he showered your chin and neck with butterfly like kisses. You shut your eyes as you held unto his hair.

Jay was already feeling so hungry and seeing your bare neck in front of him just drives him crazy. The countless times he fantasize of biting this flashed back through his mind, he didn’t even know there comes a time he will actually burry his fangs at your neck.

You bit your lower lip as you felt his fangs bury at your neck causing you this unexplainable pain. You quickly felt dizzy and Jay was there to hold you close to him making sure you won’t fall.

He pulled away and faced you, looking a bit pale, he got worried and held your face. You smiled seeing him in front of you, fangs showing and blood over at the side of his lips.

You leaned over and kiss it off of the side of his lips. You opened your mouth letting his tongue touch with yours. He groaned and even held your nape to deepen the kiss. You chuckled and pull away, n “You actually enjoy that taste?” you tried to joke when you had a taste of your own blood.

“It was the best so far,” he smirked.

You smirked at him too as you starred at Jay. His eyes weren’t red anymore but his fangs were still out in the open. “You look so hot.”

“Oh yeah?” he chuckled and leaned for another kiss.

It’s been days ever since the day you knew that Jay was a vampire and ever since then you started becoming his blood bank. He have this blood packs that you don’t know where the hell came from but he prefers to have your blood. It was kind of cute not until you’re full of his bite marks.

If it’s annoying for you, it’s a masterpiece for Jay. For him, seeing you full of his bite marks clearly like claiming you. He smirked while starring over at you doing your homework. Classes were over and you’re at the library with him.

“Aren’t you hot for wearing that?” he teased referring to your turtle neck.

You rolled your eyes, “Why don’t you try then? I clearly told you, stop putting it in a visible place! You never listen.” you hissed at him a bit pissed.

He smirked tilting his head before leaning forward and carefully ran his palm from your collar bone up to your neck, he leaned in.

“Then so what if I want to put it in where people can see it?”

“If its love bites, it’ll be just fine but they’re vampire bites. You hear that? Now, move away,” You rolled your eyes and Jay laughed loving how you talk back at him.

He held your chin and made you face him dropping a kiss over at your lips.

Finally, Jay left you because he have basketball practice and he said he’ll be out till night. It’s okay for you since you’re planning to do something while he’s busy with something else.

It’s been days since you kept on forcing Jay to turn you in. But it’s either he change the subject or he’ll straightly say no. It pissed you off since you were aware of the process of becoming one and you know it’s really possible.

You walked silently towards the football field and go straight over the back of their locker room. There you saw him, squatting down, smoking.

“I knew I would see you here.” you started. The guy snapped his head towards your direction and was a bit stunned to see you there.

“What are you doing here, Jay’s girl?” he asked and take a huff from his cigarette.

You pursed your lips before you let out a heavy sigh, “Can I ask you for a little favor?” you don’t want to waste any time and want to straightforward.

“It depends if we won’t get into trouble with Jay. Why are you even here? Why don’t you ask him for the favor?”

You crossed your arm, “Well, I already did but he refused to.”

He looked at you, trying to guess what you want.

“What is it?”

You were silent of a while before you let out a sigh, “Can you turn me into a vampire?” you suddenly blurted out, getting straightforward.

His eyes grew big for a while as he started coughing after breathing wrongly with his cigarette. You kind of feel bad, so you approach him.

“Are you okay?”

“Are you? This is actually someone approached me for this kind of favor. I thought you were gonna ask me to have sex with you for a second there, I mean that’s what girls usually ask me for a favor.” he was still a bit shock but he managed to stare at you. Now, he noticed the clothes you were wearing.

“So you knew about Jay and he’s feeding on you.” he stated a bit surprised by the situation. He can’t believe this kind of thing was happening right now.

You rolled your eyes, “Are you gonna do the favor or not?” you’re starting to get pissed and you’re actually running out of time. Jay’s practice will be over and you won’t have any time to approach this guy.

“Chill, how did you even know I’m one of them?” your eyes trailed over at his hand that was holding the cigarette.

“That ring, Jay also that kind of old ring. He said it helps him to walk freely in daylight.” you explained.

He nodded actually realizing you were pretty observant of your surrounding. “If you badly want to become one, then why don’t you ask him to turn you?”

“Do you think I didn’t do that? I already did. He kept on refusing.”

“Maybe he have his reasons? Look, I know the sound of living forever and not being able to die is tempting but trust me, it’s not that easy.”

You grew silent. You knew that. Of course you’re aware of that. You think about this a lot and it still brings you to the desire of becoming one.

“Does he know you’re here?” you looked back at him. brows starting to furrow.

“No.”

You saw how he smirked while leaning over the wall, n “That explains why he seems to be really mad.” you didn’t even have the time to ask him. You just saw him pinned over the wall, a mad jay was holding him by the collar.

“Jay!” you panicked and approached closer.

“What do you think are you doing, Yoon?” his eyes were red and fangs were visible. Yoon smirked at him and raised both of his hands.

“I’m not doing anything, Jay. She was the one who went here.” he said. Jay’s mad eyes were not darted over at you.

“He’s right, I went here myself.”

“What were you thinking?! You went there alone at night! You knew he’s a vampire and you still went there.” he was very mad. You made it to his house and you two were now in front of each other, his eyes bloodshot, angry at you.

“I wanted to ask him a favor to turn me in since you kept on declining.”

He eyed you, anger became more even intense. He doesn’t know what to feel when he actually heard that from you. All he know is that he’s angry and worried for you. Seeing you in front of Yoon a while ago made him so mad and jealous. For him, you were just his.

“I know you’re obsessed with vampires but I can’t believe you can be this crazy and desperate of becoming one.” he muttered angrily at you.

You pursed your lips while you stare at your fidgeting hands. You sniffed, tears started to pool your eyes. Slowly, you raised your head to face Jay and look over at his eyes.

“It’s not about my obsession about vampires anymore, Jay.” your tears fell from your eyes as Jay clenched his jaw. He hates it, he doesn’t want to see you crying, but he also wants this to stop. He doesn’t want you luring around another vampire again.

“Then what?”

“When I found out that you were a vampire, wanting to become one is not because of my obsession. It’s because I want to be with you forever.” you cried even more.

Jay’s eyes soften as he watch you, “Knowing that soon I’ll leave you hurts me. I don’t want to leave you, Jay. I love you.”

You cried hardly and cover your face with both of your hands. Jay sighed eyes turning red. He advanced closer and held your arms carefully. He uncovered your face kissing you over at your forehead then cupped your face.

“Do you really mean it?”

You starred right into his eyes as you nod your head. He smiled as he leaned closer kissing your lips.

“Alright,” he mumbled softly and turned your head over at the side then moved your turtleneck. He bite over your neck, making you grunt a little.

He pulled away as he held unto the end of your shirt and take it off of you.

“On your knees in front of me, baby,” he ordered giving you those intense look.

Slowly you followed what he said. Jay starred down at you before he fold his sleeves up to his elbow before he bite his two fingers. You saw how his blood ran down.

He moved it down and placed it in front of your face. You looked at it before you looked back over at Jay.

“Open your mouth for me.” he muttered lowly. You followed and carefully entered his two fingers inside your mouth letting you taste his blood.

“That’s it, every bit.” you drank his blood and felt a bit stranger.

“That’s a good girl.” Jay said before he withdraws his fingers from your mouth then crouched down to kiss over your lips. You moaned when he bite over your lips making you open your mouth, sliding in his mouth and you taste more blood from it.

Jay pulled away and carried you over at his bed, laying you down and showered kisses over you as he whispered over your ears.

“I’ll turn you and keep you forever, y/n. You’re gonna be mine and you will never ever have a chance to leave me.” he said right over your ears.

“I love you, Jay.”

You felt his hands over at your body. He kissed the center of your tummy, up to the middle of your chest, to your neck then grabbed it by his hand. He pulled away and starred right at your eyes, his eyes were red, full of affection for you.

“I love you, y/n.”

main master-list

vampire teaser

[scorpionatori]

one of the main problems I have with how the anime portrayed natsume and natori’s dynamic is they didn’t really let natsume be that hurt by some of his actions earlier on (which was only really a couple times anyway??). the only one I can think of that they really left intact (not including the times natsume was just kind of grumpy or annoyed) was when he yelled at him for stabbing the youkai that attacked them. but even in that episode he didn’t seem upset or bothered at all after the exorcism? even though it was an unpleasant situation he didn’t want to be in and he got himself hurt, but in the anime he’s just like. chill and happy at the end of the episode which always felt kind of weird. in the manga he did seem more hurt and sad and the chapter ended with him feeling disappointed that he finally met someone else who was like him but they still couldn’t understand each other and he was still blind to people’s hearts. and they completely left out natsume’s discomfort with hiiragi becoming his servant and just the idea of exorcists keeping shiki in general (this also ties into his discomfort with the book of friends, which also wasn’t touched on very well in the anime). and then the kai arc he was mad at him but it was toned down quite a bit in the anime. he was much more deeply upset by the situation and how natori spoke to him in the manga (and natori was much more harsh to him as well). additionally, they took out some of natori’s apologies (in the kai arc with apologizing for how he spoke to him and in the exorcist assembly when he told him he shouldn’t have brought him there, which was the beginning of natori wanting to keep natsume out of the exorcism world). and the ones left in seemed… less clearly genuine and vapid even, or at least could be read that way. this was not the case in the manga, where they were very clearly genuine. this probably impacted how people interpreted him as well. I think people who liked him/wanted to like him were more inclined to interpret the apologies as genuine, and people more inclined to suspicion or dislike of him interpreted them as fake or insincere. I was definitely more the former, but I was still being tentative about it and trying to hold off on liking him too much because I couldn’t tell for sure yet whether he was actually sorry (after a certain point I decided he was since he became pretty supportive of natsume but I had to wait). I think this also contributed to people seeing natsume as naive to his “true nature” (which was not actually his true nature and just fandom readings of him). I saw so many older posts of people acting like natsume was so pure and innocent and needed to be protected from natori’s shady nature or whatever which dhakdhaj. annoys me because natsume knows full well how natori can be and never had a problem getting upset with him (which he really only needed to early in the series anyway?). he formed his fondness and positive opinions of natori after spending time with him and watching him change and continually apologize for his actions and become kinder and more soft spoken. but I think maybe since natsume didn’t act quite as bothered by him earlier on it gave people the wrong idea and made it seem like natsume was just innocent and being manipulated and taken advantage of, when actually natsume knows how to stand up for himself and doesn’t let him get manipulated by others.

[bugworld4ever]

Old Kings & Wedding Rings ||five

MASTERLIST :

The walk to the factory had been almost pleasant, there was a slight chill in the air but Matilda welcomed it. The cold breeze on her face was the perfect excuse for the anxious blush that had crept along her cheekbones and over her nose.

She knew of course that there was something Tommy hadn’t told her. Something he had sweetly ‘forgotten’ to mention. Not that Matilda had expected anything less from him- the two had been playing games with each other for a long time, to expect a complete and peaceful truce would have been madness. These were the thoughts Matilda had been trying to push aside as she had been guided upstairs through the factory and into a plush office that overlooked the rest of the building’s interior.

Matilda had been instructed to sit and wait in one of the low brown leather armchairs, so naturally she hadn’t done that. Instead choosing to inspect the bookshelf that covered the entire back wall of the office, browsing titles and looking for anything that might give her a little insight into who she was dealing with. Nothing particularly alarming stuck out, a good few books she’d read, a few she recognised and a couple she had enjoyed. Dragging a well manicured finger over a line of embossed spines, Matilda frowned slightly. The office hadn't been what she was expecting at all, she’d expected cigar smoke and stale air and had instead been met with a rather airy room filled with the smell of paper and old leather.

‘Matilda Pond I gather.’ The voice snapped her out of her daydream as she turned towards its source.

There in the doorway stood a beautiful man in a beautiful suit, Matilda let her eyes graze over his form shamelessly. He was tall and toned in a way that spoke of athleticism- if she had to guess Matilda would have put her money on rowing. A mess of sandy blonde hair that contrasted against dark brown eyes. He was older than her but not by much, no more than five years. His slightly amused smile gave him an almost playful aire.

The man gestured to himself and spoke again.

‘Peter Ellis’.

Here he was, the man she had been sent to meet and yet he was not at all what she had expected. Matilda extended a hand over the desk for him to shake, smiling slightly at the peculiarity of the situation. He accepted the hand and shook it confidently. Matilda straightened up and made her way around the front of the desk.

‘Forgive me, you're not what I expected’ She paused slightly, deciding on how best to play the situation ‘I’d apologise for prying through your office but we both know it would be insincere.’

He laughed and sounded almost caught off guard by her honesty. She had thought that might do the trick. Matilda had discovered early on that men were very easily persuaded and manoeuvred, you let them move first and then deciphered the approach that would work best. The most common solution; look at them sweetly, let them think they’re the ones in control. Serve them wine and then poison the glass. This also happened to be the one Matilda hated most, every sickly smile left a sticky residue on her skin- it was the one that was the biggest lie. The approach she was using now however was one she needed far less- it was the one that was most honest. She let them see some of the power she had and let them think the two were on equal footing, not many women would have dared to do so- it made them think she was different and special. There was nothing these men loved more than collecting their special little trophies; a priceless painting, a handcrafted whiskey, a fiery wife who would stun fifty of their closest acquaintances at parties.

Their eyes met briefly before he looked down, still grinning. The two were standing facing each other now.

‘I get that a lot. Younger than you expected? More handsome?’ The boldness of it caught her by surprise. Men around Small Heath had long since had the bravery to flirt with Matilda, something about the number who had been successful being lower than the number of men she’d killed put them off. Peter allegedly knew who she was and yet was undeterred. He had asked for her by name for whatever reason but the belief that he knew her reputation was fading fast.

‘Perhaps both.’ She pursed her lips slightly as she looked up at him. ‘However, I am here on business and as you are the one that invited me here, I trust that you’re aware of that’ The icy tone she had perfected for dealing with all matters Shelby had slipped back in. He wouldn’t want to flirt when they were done.

He indicated to one of the armchairs and sat down in the other immediately. The gesture did not go unnoticed by Matilda who raised a single eyebrow slightly but sat nonetheless. Matilda crossed one leg over the other and let her arms sit on the arm rests.She made a mental note of the way his gaze drifted up from her ankle and across her figure before he met her eye. He shifted forward in his seat.

‘I’ll level with you Miss Pond-’

‘Matilda’ She interrupted. He turned his head curiously, filing the remark away as a question to be asked later on.

‘Matilda, I made my mind up on this deal the second that Thomas mentioned it.’ His tone had shifted into something cooler, more calculated. Matilda braced for the incoming crash. ‘I just wanted to meet you. You see,’ he steepled his hands, resting his elbows on his knees, looking up at Matilda through dark lashes and soft waves of hair. ‘I have heard an awful lot about you. Or rather, I heard a lot about you while Thomas and his brothers were in France. The vicious new mastermind keeping the Shelby Company afloat? A young woman with a penchant for violence.’ His dark eyes held a note of question.

‘What can I say? The war brought skills out in all of us’ She kept her voice even, Tommy had mentioned the man's wife. Had painted a picture that was entirely different to the one that was unfolding in front of her.

‘Except, I don't think the skills were hidden. I think they were just given a chance to flourish. Yet here is the part that intrigued me, Thomas comes back and suddenly I hear far less about you, people talk around here, men you’ve threatened mostly. The ones you actually hurt talk a lot less. I was a little concerned something had happened.’

He sat back in the armchair and twisted a golden signet ring around his pinky finger. The constant movement was so unlike Tommy but the two had the same implication of power. An unspoken truth that everyone knew. Matilda found herself intrigued by the man.

‘What do you want me to say? The boys came back and they didn’t like a woman in charge? They could tell you that themselves. You already know that.’ Matilda spoke, unsure of where the conversation was heading. Peter smiled then as if she had said exactly the right thing and then frowned as if it was also the wrong one.

‘I fear it is that exactly. I also fear that without you in control there, the Shelby Company will quickly begin to decline. I do not see why being female should hinder you in these matters at all. In fact, what I was hoping to do here was to charm you into working for me.’

Matilda froze. The statement had been entirely unexpected, this meeting was growing increasingly strange by the second. She opened her mouth to politely decline as he held up a finger to stop her.

‘I'm smarter than to believe you would accept my offer. I realised it was hopeless when I saw you standing there behind my own desk, a woman like that could never be trapped somewhere as dull as this.’ He gestured around him with his hands.

Matilda thought that he might actually be mad. She let out a breathy laugh.

‘I’ll let you store your guns here. But if you want more- the imports, the exports, whatever they are I have two conditions. Number one; I want the factory protected, we’re an easy target and you’ll want your own belongings protected. Number two; you let me take you to dinner’

Oh he was definitely mad.

Matilda shifted in her seat and uncrossed her legs. Something about the way that he knew what she did and didn’t shy away fascinated her. Sure she had seen women fall over John and Arthur and especially Tommy despite the horrendous things they had done but it had never seemed to work that way for her. However she chafed a little at being a prize on the table, a bargaining chip- even if she was the one doing the bargaining.

‘I’m not some kind of whore, if that is the impression you are under you are severely mistaken.’ His face blanched and she continued before he had a chance to speak. ‘I will go with you, one dinner nothing more- not a date. An extension of this business meeting. That is the offer, take it or leave but you will receive nothing else.’

The truth of the matter was that Matilda had always loved a puzzle. A little riddle to work at and here one had dropped into her lap. A well dressed handsome little puzzle that might keep her entertained for a while.

He gave her a lopsided grin and she wasn't sure who had won here.

But men were one of Matilda's favourite toys and she had just found herself a new one.

He got to his feet and held out his hand to shake.

‘I think we have a deal’

Matilda stood and shook his hand.

‘I suppose we do’

Matilda still found herself weary of the situation, weary of a man whose intentions were still unclear, weary of Tommy whose intentions were still not such clearer but mostly weary of herself and what she was willing to trade in order to get where she wanted.

[pompompurin1028]

I’m so sorry for spamming you with asks all day long😭😭 But omg I gotta ask you this before I forget!!

So I was reading No Longer Human and this paragraph really interested me:

Crime and Punishment. Dostoievski. These words grazed over a corner of my mind, startling me. Just supposing Dostoievski ranged 'crime' and 'punishment' side by side not as synonyms but as antonyms. Crime and punishment—absolutely incompatible ideas, irreconcilable as oil and water. I felt I was beginning to understand what lay at the bottom of the scum-covered, turbid pond, that chaos of Dostoievski's mind—no, I still didn't quite see... Such thoughts were flashing through my head like a revolving lantern when I heard a voice. (…)

This is really interesting, especially considering Fyodor’s scene in Dead Apple where he talked about Crime and Punishment.

What do you think he truly meant here? I understand that his sense of “crime” isn’t the same with the dictionary definition of crime, normally one would consider the punishment to be the consequence of the crime. Is he talking about the corruption of justice or the society? I wish we got more insight about his thoughts on this, but Yozo gets interrupted during his inner monologue which is saddening.

Ahh I'm so glad someone wanted to talk to me about this!! Because this part had been on my mind a lot since I've read the book, as this is one of the parts that I didn't really grasp and understand. But also really interested me, and I wished he wasn’t interrupted too. Ahh Dazai-sensei’s mind is so intriguing. Anyways

I do also feel that he is referring to a different type of crime, not the kind that we see in the justice system. No, I don't think Yozo nor Dazai has much care about that type of crime. After all, as we've seen in the anime, as Oda said good and bad doesn't mean much to him. This is also parallel of one quote in The Setting Sun, “I have never, not even once, acted on the basis of any doctrine or philosophy”.

But what if he isn’t referring to that kind of crime? I mean even Yozo himself said “actions punishable by jail sentence is not the only crime”. Crime can also be defined as “an action or activity considered to be evil, shameful, or wrong”. And what does this parallel to? Perhaps some other quotes from No Longer Human, “Mine has been a life of much shame” or “Living itself is the source of sin”. So is being human a source of crime in his pov? For we are constantly deceiving one another, as he said:

“I am convinced that human life is full with many pure, happy, serene examples of insincerity, truly splendid of their kind-of people deceiving one another without wounds being inflicted...”

But why does he see repentance, confession and prayer as synonyms to crime if that is the case? Perhaps it is because to do so, is to go against the normalcy of what Dazai seems to deem as humanity, and thus it is seen by others as a crime?

And yet, Dazai sees punishment as a complete opposite perhaps it is because this “crime” which he sees humanity commit is so frequent that it is ingrained in us? And is never punished for?

I honestly have no idea, but that could be one way to interpret it. But in a sense it is kind of ironic, because although Yozo seems to recognize this “crime of humanity” and is confessing his “crimes” in his works, he himself is deemed a criminal by the rest of humanity, as people like Horiki sees him as a criminal.

Honestly this whole part of the story is so interesting to me, and I’m so glad you wanted to talk about it haha. I wracked my brain for this😂

I also really like how this analysis interprets it, this is also the analysis which talked about Dead Apple and Carl Jung! And I urge you to read it, but only after season 3 as it has spoilers for it. There are also some manga spoilers in it as well unfortunately, but not too much I’d say?