#and like part of how I finished authoritarian personality (a 1000 page book) was by skipping & skimming sections

[communistkenobi]

I don’t like when people ask how many books you plan to read/have read this year one because I think that’s a weird relationship to have to books and two because I think even reading a chapter or a portion of something is valuable. this is especially true with non-fiction but even with fiction I think any amount you read, even if you don’t read the entire thing, is not a failure or ‘incomplete’

[attractiverubble]

[day 128] - unassailable

I’ve gotten away from titling each blog post with a vocab word I want to hold onto for myself. I think a good vocab word for every 3 grafs you write is good. You never want to just vomit out words you took from a thesaurus to sound like you’re something smart and special, but still a lot of these words have a very exact definition that fits perfectly with the thought you’re trying to express. And using one of those every so often is a great skill to have as a writer. 

I sometimes want to sit behind a dictionary and learn every word of the language, and hold onto the ones that can be useful. I’m sure I could learn another 1000 words or so, and know them forward and back. 

there’s still so much shit to be discouraged about with the state of affairs, and it turns larger on the daily. I can only hope that the investigators are doing their due diligence. But i’m certainly desensitized to try and explain to my parents why this shit is so damn thick and what is happening, mainly because I’ve given up on them every trying to learn something new.

[god give you what you can handle]

Though it is cool to see how cultural critics and tastemakers are starting to, now, move past the overwhelming nature of the administration—how much bullshit that shows up. Not that they are necessarily resigned like I am, but the opposite.

They are certain this whole nightmare will be over before it can truly damage people. Not that it hasn’t already and hasn’t truly disrupted our foreign relations, but the sort of fear of unquestioned authoritarianism that popped up between 11/9 and the new year seems a little bit more far off now than it did then.

Its clear exactly how dumb and incompetent the people in power are, but they are still capable and able, and have already done so, of fucking people over.

My point I’m working toward, though, is that yes, things are somewhat fucked, but we shouldn’t be all that fearful. Stay vigilant, be aware, speak up and speak out. 

Yes, trump is certainly a symptom of our society/culture, one that will be overcome soon enough. But the underlying disease that brought us to this point will remain, and we have to start battling that, not just trump.

So the cultural critics have now discredited the authority of the potus, mainly because the current potus is an insatiable fool, and we don’t let him affect us much anymore. We have no loyalty to him. So now we’ve moved back to regular cultural reflection and study.

Something I noticed over the past week is the analysis of that lizzie goodman book about indie rock in nyc in the early 2000′s. She sat in with Ezra Koenig’s beats 1 radio show last week, and they mostly talked about the initial reaction to this one minor excerpt about the strokes. Basically how people reacted to what was shared, and how Ezra - himself a subject in the book and someone who came along a bit after the initial upstart of this era - took from reading the excerpt, what he was somewhat scared to see about him and his band later on in the book, and also from the reactions of people over the past few weeks.

That radio show was last sunday. Then on thursday, LIzzie goodman sat in with Andy Greenwald and Chris Ryan’s “The Watch” podcast to talk about the entirety of the 600 page book. While they did somewhat touch on what it was like to write about this music at the time and how we look at it now (and I actually only made it halfway thru the podcast, so they could have talked about that much more later on and done so with some sense of objectivity), they basically just reminisced about their younger days around these up-and-coming bands and what life was like in Lower Manhattan for someone in their 20′s in the aftermath of 9/11 during the Bush years.

And they were very smart and very enlightened about all of the different factors that went into this scene. (I think Andy Greenwald’s definition of “scene” in this podcast was spot on, too). Ezra’s discussion with Lizzie was good with that as well.

[They - Chris and Andy and Lizzie - also talked about how none of this stuff is possible anymore, which is something I will tackle in more depth sometime soon]

These were two different programs, on two separate coasts, with 4 different people all talking about the same set of circumstances and people and quotes and places - Manhattan and the later on move to brooklyn. But they all spoke of a very similar feeling and time and place. Specifically stuff that was a bit before my time.

I remember first watching VW’s oxford comma after I finished eighth grade and was thrown into this world of indie rock. It took me a while to become familiar with all of the major players, and that’s why talk of the strokes and interpol and tv on the radio was all definitely before my time. I only started listening to them after they all reached their peak and people were hoping that the magic could be rekindled. But it never could.

That is to say that, starting now, there will be some sort of young cultural music movement that will somewhat define the generation. There’s been an emo revival recently, plus there’s all the good rap/trap music being made by new people. Perhaps that’s where indie music is now, I don’t know.

And it is kinda impossible to rekindle that original magic, because the way music is made and distributed is completely different, and the way it is covered is completely different. 

Perhaps all of the cultural art is dead now - music/theater/art/sports. It is entirely possible the innovative, “progressive” field in the world right now is in the tech sector. That’s where you will find the interesting characters to write about for the next 30 years. “rock stars” were the stuff of legends for over 30 years, and so much has been inspired by them and their lives. But that lifestyle is over now, for the most part. There will still be super popular musicians/artists, probably even more famous than in the past, but not the overall amount there was during the golden age [Ezra touched on this very well in his time crisis radio program].

This all affects me in two ways. One: I want to be part of whatever cultural revolution there will be for people of my age. I want to be where it it is taking place. Certainly not in the suburbs, and definitely not in a city like New York or Brooklyn. This desire is simply self-indulgent. I want to have these great memories when I’m 50; be able to say “i was there.” 

[total aside - my one co-worker said earlier this week how - as a writer - you have to go out and take chances and encounter experiences that will offer subjects to write about. She’s right, but something stuck in my craw. She mentioned how she’s now living in this suburban apartment in an office job she doesn’t really like, whereas before she lived in a downtown city setting (philadelphia) and she was a freelancer. She had great freedom and a great lifestyle for where she was at in her life. She had finished a master’s degree and was now creating her professional life, but she changed it all so she could get some security and health insurance, because she was turning 26 and would be kicked off her parents’ health insurance.

Anyway, she said how she sees this whole year - this whole experience of living in the suburbs and working some job she doesn’t really like - will one day turn into an essay for her to write. Something probably like 2000 - 5000 words, to be self-indulgent to herself {i’m probably at 2000 words right now in this post. Talk about self-indulgence}, but if she wants it to be published in some way, it will be capped at 1500 words. Heavily edited in a way she’s not happy with.

And that’s if it gets published in some sort of magazine or journal. Her initial premise was so fucking dumb - being 26 and living in the suburbs. As if there aren’t a million people doing that already. Perhaps that will be her audience, but she talks about only being a non-fiction writer, and being unable to write any sort of fiction. It makes me want to vomit, that she thinks her true life story about living in the suburbs at 26 is something compelling. Sounds exactly like something my parents told me to write about - living at home after finishing college. There’s nothing exciting about that, nothing that can possibly be important for historical records that can be truthful to one life. Fiction can take a lot more liberties and cover a lot more characters and perspectives and themes - a non-fiction essay just can’t. {sorry about this - I’m just trying to say that not everything should be a personal essay, or can even be transmuted into a personal essay. and her naïveté about the style is just frustrating to listen to}]

The second way up-coming music and culture affects me is that I want to be able to write about something novel. Something unique and innovative. Again, super self-indulgent and builds off my first way all of this change affects me, that I just want to be part of “the scene.” If you’re a journalist covering “the scene,” you’re not only part of it and can reminiscence later on, but you also determine how exactly the masses remember the moment and what it all meant. And, as I mentioned above, the tech sector has certainly been innovative over the past 5-10 years. I think it is actually starting to take a downswing, since it’s become abundantly clear that no matter how many great apps or platforms or products are on the market, the world will not be made a better, more just place. And there’s no more enthusiasm in the tech world. 

Perhaps that is something I can cover, the last night of the tech sector, much like the last night of the yankee dynasty. A eulogy for big tech, if you will. Much like how this lizzie goodman book looks at the LCD Soundsystem final shows at MSG in 2011 as the final night of “indie rock,” or like the “Last Night of the Yankees Dynasty,” when they lost the 2003 world series and looked absolutely beaten and dejected at the end of that series.

Not that this is something I can necessarily start working on next week; I want to finish up this internship at the end of this year. See what sorts of changes pop up over the summer.

My main goal really should be getting back to school and getting myself focused. Put myself on a path that I can later add onto as I see fit. 

I should start actually doing all of that work, and then after a bit, I can attempt to start pitching actual pieces of work - while also writing my own fiction. I still have this whole publishing schedule in place and a bunch of ideas to flesh out and put on a digital screen to then use as part of an application.

But I hate fucking around; I have a lot of work to do. I turn 23 in two days.