#and also just having loads of other random links. like most of them are second hand atm I’m not personally at school with any players kids

[6ebe]

I’ll be on tumblr posting abt sports yaoi or whatever then go hang out with my irls and one of my besties will casually mention one of her cousins just got signed to arsenal 😭😭

[alicepao13]

Hudson and Rex Episodes

It has come to my attention that Hudson and Rex episodes are not easily accessible to a lot of people, despite it being broadcasted in many countries. I was looking for a place to archive the episodes myself in good quality as a backup but up until recently, the 1080p rips were huge so it was an impossible feat. I finally found some mkv ones that are not as ginormous as the others, and I'd like to share them with the fandom.

Disclaimer: I did not do these rips or the transcoding. I haven't checked the episodes one by one to see if there are any faults with them, just a few as random tests, I also watched a few, and they were all good, subtitles were working and in sync, etc.

What you need to know before downloading:

The files are in mkv format and Mega, the host I've uploaded them on, does NOT have a player to play MKVs online. The links are for downloading, or alternatively transferring to your own Mega account, not for online streaming.

The video codec is HEVC, which is why the size of the episodes is not huge. That might affect some older computers which may not have this codec, though. Read about HEVC here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_Efficiency_Video_Coding and if it's missing, you can add the HEVC codec.

Same goes for your tv if you choose to play them in one (although you probably can't add the codec there). I generally recommend downloading one episode as a test. If it plays in your device, they all should play in that device.

Most of the files have forced English subtitles on them. I am unfamiliar with forced subtitles in general. You may have trouble removing them on a tv, maybe. I've tested them only using VLC on my computer and they can appear and disappear just fine when I choose so like normal subs do. Forced subtitles are not hard-coded subtitles.

Episodes S01E01 - S06E06 were all transcoded by one team as it was a pack, the rest by another, as the first pack was uploaded during this winter hiatus and there was no other upload by the first team for the rest. I only see small differences between the episodes, not worthy of a mention. I've kept the original file names, so you will know when the teams change if you're interested in that (team name is the last input on the title of the file).

The size of all the episodes in total is around 92GB. When you go to download them, each file will also display the size of it.

How to download (skip this if you've downloaded from Mega before):

Even if you have set your browser to ask you where to download the file, Mega will download the file you requested entirely before asking you were to save it. It's how their cloud service works. You don't need to download anything else to get these files, just right-click a file and click Download, and then Standard Download when the submenu opens. You do not need to download the Mega Desktop App, unless you want to download the entire folder at once as a ZIP file. I don't know how many concurrent downloads a free user gets on Mega, or limitations regarding the GBs per day on free users.

Mega suggests users download using Chrome or a Chromium based browser, however downloading the files one by one should work in any browser.

If you have a download manager, just load these folders in it and it will do the job better than your browser.

If you attempt this with a smartphone, then I highly suggest you download the Mega mobile app. I don't think the files will download to your phone otherwise.

Links:

These lead to each season's folder of episodes. Only copy the link below, do not copy the season identifier at the start of each line. Make sure you copy the entire link especially the S4 one which apparently continues in a second line.

S1: https://mega.nz/folder/1ZMTlbpY#DqS2V2KKgeajbINzx8c6Pg

S2: https://mega.nz/folder/kZE1yTTC#p29HrvXgahGXW-0rlzx77Q

S3: https://mega.nz/folder/0Bt3gBJL#hcX7tjU1GScmprTc0nkc0w

S4: https://mega.nz/folder/UQFD3SZZ#nbGJeLzH2IHLVpVFyK750A

S5: https://mega.nz/folder/ARkzUQbS#eS1Yy11x_DEPg3T2bD5ozw

S6: https://mega.nz/folder/lBUFnBwb#WszZvKLzfpRKVvuz5B78Nw

Other information:

I'll try to keep the links up as long as I can but I suggest keeping your own copies. Mega does not offer that amount of space for free, so this is a paid cloud service. I'm not looking for anyone to participate on the upkeep but there might be a day when these links will be taken down for any number of reasons. Personally, I don't trust the cloud. Keep local copies of anything you don't want to lose.

If these are reported, I will not be reuploading them and I assume that reporting may also take down my account with them so I will probably also not be able to be a paying customer of their service either way. So, keep the sharing of the links within the fandom. I will not tag this post, but I highly encourage reblogging it to spread the info.

I suggest that anyone who wants to share this with a lot of people should make their own cloud backup. The purpose of me uploading these links is, ironically, not piracy. The purpose is to make the episodes easily accessible to fans.

I will not upload these in other cloud services, if anyone wants to go upload these in google drive, for example, I'm not willing to risk it but of course, anyone else willing to do it is welcome to.

If anyone has questions or concerns, I'll be glad to answer them. Not everyone is familiar with hosting sites, but this is easier than a torrent. I'm sure I've forgotten things which to me may seem simple.

[sims3fiend]

Sims 3 performance tweaks

OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD

GO HERE INSTEAD THANKS BYE

Updated 24/11/23 - RIP DXVK 😭for now

Updated 12/10/23 :) - added some more details, including important info about ObjectSizeCullFactor, which could be the holy grail for potato PCs. Also updated the linked files.

I figured I'd make a proper blog post instead of just random scattered discord posts. Here are some of the things I've done to improve my sims 3 performance, and (mostly) remove stuttering, as well as some stuff to increase the graphics quality. I don't know how accurate any of this is, but it's helped my game a lot  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Please note that I have a 2070, and I would recommend having >2gb for your GPU if using these tweaks (and just in general). While these settings and tweaks might help you if you're on an older card, I have no way of really checking that.

This guide is mostly focused on reducing stutter, with a few tips thrown in for reducing memory usage for the girlies with the large luxurious games and Error 12 problems.

Stutter?

Stutter (or frame drops) are sadly a part of the sims 3, th-e-y're th-e frequ-ent hitches where the game "freezes" for a second, often when moving the camera.

The main tweaks will help reduce stuttering while the game is paused, sadly while playing the game, you're still gunna chug along. Object and sim loading/unloading/displaying/hiding causes a large amount of the stutter, so unless you have an older computer, most of the graphics settings aren't going to help you, but will (in a few cases) help with reducing memory usage.

If you'd like to try this out, there's the (top secret super hidden) config value prop $ConfigGroup ForceHighLODObjects 1, which forces everything to high LOD, which should make the game overall a whole lot smoother both paused and unpaused (high detail lots will still lag it when loading tho) compared to the default settings. Just add a new line under one of the settings fields with it in. Do not use this in your normal gameplay unless playing in a small map, as it greatly increases memory usage. Looks real pretty though.

!!THESE CHANGES SHOULD BE MADE ON TOP OF A GraphicsRules.SRG FILE THAT SUPPORTS YOUR GRAPHICS CARD!!

Either download one that has been updated, update it yourself, or use the tool. No longer providing my own but might in the future.

Main Performance Tweak - LODs

The main setting that helped alleviate most stuttering for me was RenderSimLODDistances in the GraphicsRules.srg file (\The Sims 3\Game\Bin). Essentially we change it to load the low quality LOD models from muuuch further.

prop $ConfigGroup RenderSimLODDistances "70, 70, 9999999, 9999999"

The values for this are highres lot distance, highres world distance, low lot, low world. In an ideal world we would be able to max out high res, but due to how the culling works, that just increases stuttering. I would also recommend turning off ForceActiveLotObjectsToHighLOD if you're using high detail lots > 1, and MinSimLOD to 0

I recommend tweaking the highres values if you get lag when zooming in.

For more memory

I would HIGHLY recommend dropping ActiveLODLimit and ObjectSizeCullFactor, as they are a much better way of reducing loaded in assets. You can be fairly ruthless with them, I recommend dropping ObjectSizeCullFactor down to <75~, and ActiveLODLimit (dunno if this actually does anything) the same (too low and the game will never load). Raise it up if you're noticing pop-in. IIRC your household lot loads everything regardless(?)

If you're frequently running into Error 12, or playing large households, I, sadly, recommend keeping "Max Detail Lots" at 1. I would also recommend DropTexMipsOnLoad = 0 (shouldn't help but it does), and maybe tweaking some of the texture sizes to lower res, depending on your preferences (a lot get crushed anyway). Other options like culling and LOD distances have basically no impact on overall memory use and are safe to increase. Make sure you're also using my memory notifier/freer thing too ;^)

Graphics

Things that didn't have any/much of a performance impact but make the game look better (in my opinion)

Clip planes

Bane of my existence

prop $ConfigGroup ClipPlaneMapViewDistances "1.0, 12000.0" This is basically how far you can see, I recommend raising this, as I noticed 0 performance hit at all, and I like to be able to see the pretty maps (You'd be surprised at how good some look!). Some maps look a little scuffed with it maxed out, or have seams, however this can be reduced with…

Fog

FogDistances I have mine set to FogDistances "300, 600, 3000, 8000" and FogCurveModifier "9, 1" This is personal preference, and I'd recommend playing around with it to find something that works for your world and clip distance. Neither options have any noticeable performance impact for me (objects still load regardless of clip/fog distance).

AllowImpostorUnload no clue what this does, I set it to false

Trees

Max em out

setting $VeryHigh prop $ConfigGroup RenderTreeLargeLODDistances "-100, 999999, 10, 3300" prop $ConfigGroup RenderTreeSmallLODDistances "-100, 999999, 10, 3300" prop $ConfigGroup RenderTreeShrubLODDistances "-100, 999999, 10, 3300" prop $ConfigGroup RenderTreeGroundLODDistances "-100, 999999, 10, 3300"

There's no real reason not to. You could change the values so it loads the low(er) res ones further away and then higher ones in after, but the performance hit was nothing for me. Having all the trees there looks reaaaallllyy nice on some towns.

Random other tweaks

Things I changed from default ShadowMapSize 4096 - I think this does something??? 🤷

prop $ConfigGroup TextureSizeThreshold 4096 prop $ConfigGroup RttSizeSmall 1024 prop $ConfigGroup RttSizeLarge 2048

these don't really have any impact, but in my mind it makes sense to increase them

DXVK and dxwrapper

!!!! THIS MIGHT NOT WORK FOR EA LAUNCHER IDK !!!

UPDATE: I no longer recommend DXVK due to it increasing overall memory usage, having said that, dxwrapper is still very nice, I'd recommend using it over LazyDuchess's ASI loader. Keeping this here down the bottom just in case.

If you are using dxvk, I use(d) dxvk-async but you should be fine to use the main repo. On top of this I use dxwrapper for the exception handling features.

One thing you'll have to keep in mind is Your Options.ini file will need to be remade if using dxvk since it looks like you've installed a new GPU.

To install, just shove the right dll's into your \The Sims 3\Game\Bin folder - d3d9.dll for dxvk, everything from dxwrapper and the ddraw.dll from its Stubs folder. If you're using Smooth Patch, which you should be, it's okay to delete the ddraw provided with it, as dxwrapper can do .asi plugin loading itself (LoadPlugins = 1 in ini). You should see a few new files pop up when you launch the game if installed correctly, dxwrapper.log and TS3W.dxvk-cache

If you're using reshade, rename the reshade dll to dxgi.dll

depth buffer might not work, I'm not 100% sure, so keep that in mind

[hey-there-ghouls]

For the ask game,

🥺✨🧐🎨🧠🤲✅

Yeah i know they’re a lot but I’m curious and love your work! Have a great day!

Never apologise for asking! Sorry this has taken me a bit, my kiddo was sick and wanted to be attached to me constantly. Putting it under a cut because it got a little long:

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

I'm always a sucker for when two characters are having a very emotionally charged moment, usually talking about something very heavy, and one reaches out to just gently touch the other. Bonus points if it's the first time that person has had a friendly touch in a while and slumps at the contact.

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

I want you to know that I agonised over this because I'm super critical of my own stuff. I can't even go back to reread it without wanting to change everything or roll my eyes at something.

I think I'm good at getting the voice of characters right; even if they're saying something that's OOC, I think I can phrase it in such a way or concoct a scenario where it's authentic for them to be saying that particular thing.

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

I spend so much time researching my stories! I come from a background in journalism and that's an industry that puts a lot of emphasis on citing sources and having the facts straight, so it's really hard for me to write something that doesn't have even the vaguest basis in fact.

Everything in my fic is somewhat based in reality and I usually try to link whatever research I've done at the end of the chapter. I really like coming up with tricky situations (like the church being awash with blood) and then trying to find ways that could actually happen.

🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?

I've never had fan art of my fics, but I'd love it if it ever happened. I only ever ask that people credit the fic where approrpriate.

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

I don't know if I was meant to pick one or you were, but I'll go with the (fictional) Shane Madej:

He's an exceptionally weird dude. Lots of niche interests and random facts rattling around that big ol' brain of his which he chooses to share in seemingly strange moments. I have this little idea that he endeared himself to Quinta by sharing stories about Ten Cent Beer Night and other historical oddities during tubulant flights to cases.

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

Everything is really in fragments at the moment as I've had to write most of this chapter either on my phone during bouts of morning sickness or through voice to text lol but here you go:

“Special Agent Madej?” Ray asks, his voice still in the faux friendly tone he uses when he’s waiting for one of his agents to realise they’ve drawn a particularly stupid conclusion – and for one confusing moment Shane thinks Ray knows he’s awake and waiting for a response – but then he adds, “What possible reason could you have for wanting to handcuff a federal agent?”  “Because he is now my main lead on six murders after Ryan Bergara shot through thanks to him being tipped off by your agent,” Cooper growls.  “How,” Ray says, and it’s supposed to be the start of a question, but it comes out with so much force that he gets stuck there for a second. “How did you come to that conclusion?” he finally manages.

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

There's always someone dealing with loads of anxiety whilst being in deep denial that they need to reach out for support...no idea where that's come from.

Also humour, I really can't write anything without trying to make it even a little funny to myself.

[radicheart]

@siempreminta asked: 🎥

Send 🎥 for a random scene of my muse’s life.

May 29th, 1908 (CW: abuse)

It was just over a month after Alastor’s tenth birthday. Desdemona, his mother, was planning to give him his present late, due to her needing to save up enough money to buy it. She had to do it behind her husband’s back, since he disapproved of her spending his hard-earned money on anything outside of what he considered ‘the essentials’. So, the money she made was earned through knitting quilts and selling them in town on the weekends.

Eventually, she had enough to get what she wanted. What was it? Alastor never found out.

Travis, his father, caught her trying to sneak out of the house in order to buy it early one morning, and he flew into a rage almost immediately: demanding to know where she was going, and when she failed to answer (due to her son being right there and her not wanting to ruin the surprise) he naturally began accusing her of having an affair.

Then, the first blow fell. Not a slap, like he’d given her so many times before, but an outright punch to the side of her face. It sent her reeling back, pushing her into the stove top she’d heated for making breakfast that morning. Her hands pressed into the searing metal, instinctively seeking support without remembering the danger she herself had created. 

Desdemona screamed. Alastor got up, begging Travis to leave her alone, to not hurt her anymore. He didn’t listen. Instead, he grabbed at a cast iron pan hanging on the wall, presumably to strike his wife a second time.

Travis never got the chance.

Alastor’s eyes were unconsciously drawn to the Winchester rifle leaning against the wall by the door. Travis used it to hunt for game he could bring home and let his wife cook for their meals, though on occasion he did hunt just for the fun of it. The boy had always thought it wasteful, when he’d see his father shoot a gator or deer and just left it there to rot. It was just another drop in the bucket that gave Alastor more reason to hate him.

Travis was a horrible man overall. In public, he was the perfect father, doting over his family and painting a lovely picture for his friends and coworkers, but behind closed doors, the belt and fists were drawn, beating both his wife and son on a regular basis over the smallest mistakes, and sometimes even when no mistake was made at all. Alastor still bears the scars from that biting belt on his back to prove his father’s sins are real.

Travis also kept his family fairly isolated, aside from social events where having them present would be beneficial or necessary. Alastor wasn’t allowed to go to school or socialize with the other children living nearby. His only friends were the animals in the bayou and the paperboy that was his one link to the outside world. He had to be careful with the latter, of course, since he most definitely would have gotten another beating if Travis caught him creating a friendship, but he’d managed to keep it a secret so far.

The abuse went deeper than just flesh and bone, though. Travis was all too keen to constantly remind his son that the only reason he was still around was to assist with the various tasks and chores around the house. The man was his parent in biology alone. There was never a true bond between father and son. Alastor was nothing more than a tool that doubled as a punching bag when the ‘going gets tough,’ as Travis liked to put it.

Now, that bucket is finally overflowing. Alastor had had enough.

What happened next went by so quickly that the boy almost didn’t remember it taking place. He lurched forward to grab the rifle. He knew it was already loaded. Travis wasn’t exactly careful when it came to gun safety. It was easier to leave the ammunition in so he could shoot an animal or perhaps a trespasser at a moment’s notice. That, as it turned out, would be his literal downfall, as Alastor aimed the barrel at his father’s back and squeezed the trigger.

Alastor comes back to reality when the loud bang of the gun hits his ears. Soon after, the smell of blood hit his nose.Travis’ shirt had become soaked with it as the buckshot had sunk into his flesh. It stopped the man in his tracks, his hand hovering and trembling near the pan’s handle instead of grasping onto it like he had originally planned. 

He loses his balance and falls, landing on his side and stiffening up as he goes into shock. Alastor didn’t give him much attention, though, because now that Travis has moved, he can see that his father isn’t the only person he’d hit. The shot had gone wide, and Travis hadn’t been the only one he’d hit. He watches in horror as his mother, her stomach full of lead, slumps down against the front of the oven. The rifle is dropped, and Alastor lurches forward, leaving his father to twitch and bleed out on the floor next to him while he grabs his mother’s shoulders, his eyes full of tears.

“Mama! Mama I’m sorry! Please don’t die!”

“It’s alright.” Desdemona’s slender hand comes up to cup her son’s cheek, offering a weak smile to try and reassure him. “You still did good, baby.”

She starts humming a lullaby for him. It’s one Alastor has been familiar with all his life, and now, as his mother’s life fades away and the song comes to a slow close, he realizes it’s the last time he’ll hear her sing for him. It hits him hard. With no fear of rebuke from Travis for seeming weak, Alastor clings onto his mother and sobs hard and loud. 

He stays in that position, arms around his mother and legs folded in her lap, for hours. It’s only when her body finally goes cold that he pulls himself away, and even then he’s reluctant. His shirt is drenched in her blood. He tears it open and tosses it aside, disgusted with the idea of wearing his mother on himself after what he’d done.

The shovel is retrieved from the shed out back. A grave is dug so he can drag his mother’s body out to bury it. Travis is left to rot in the cabin. He doesn’t deserve a burial. 

After that, Alastor abandons his childhood home and begins running. Where is he going? He doesn’t know…but he can’t stay here. Not anymore. There’s nothing left to stay for now that his mother is gone.

Who knows what the future will bring?

[midnightcreator12]

The Portal Home is Built with Roadblocks - Chapter 22

Leo finally takes off the blinders and gives Chula a chance and we get to meet April and Casey's baby girl.

AO3 Link

“Can we talk for a second?”

Leo nodded, patting the couch cushion next to him, “What’s up Don?”

“Well, we’ve been working on the dimensional gateway,” Don explained as he took a seat. “We’ve got most of the work done aside from a few additions which are…a bit tricky to do with the current setup.”

Leo frowned but nodded along, “Tricky how?”

“For one, we have to take equipment back and forth, and as helpful as Leon’s portals are for that he tends to land…inside the ship more than outside when he can’t see it. There isn’t space or proper storage at the old Lair so that is also forcing us to suttle equipment. Test flying it fully in the city is also difficult without attracting attention and we don’t have enough space at the old Lair to add the gateway generators to the hull, not to mention testing the portals will be next to impossible to do discreetly.”

Leo nodded, understanding dawning, “You want to move the ship to the farmhouse?”

Don nodded, “Yeah, I think we could make better progress if we just load up everything and work out there…plus, April wants us to meet her baby.”

Ah yes, April and Casey’s new little girl was over a month old at this point and April had refused to tell them her name until they met her in person. 

Which was not something done easily when they lived in a sewer. Even if they did their best to stay clean, a sewer was a sewer and the cleanest they got was when they went to the farmhouse for a few days.

“So, two birds, one stone?” Leo asked. “It makes sense, I’m just not sure why you wanted to ask me.”

“Eh,” Don shrugged. “I mostly wanted to give you a heads up that I’m going to be putting a lot of equipment on Chula’s ship and flying it up there with her.”

Leo paused, frown returning, “Why do you need to fly with her?”

Don sighed, “One, I doubt any of us want her landing at the wrong farm. And two, I thought you were going to talk to her.”

“I…I am,” Leo defended. “It’s just…been busy. And she’s been helping you a lot.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. Wrangling everyone for training had been tricky lately, especially since the counterparts didn’t seem to have a strict training schedule. Raphie had something of a regime but he was wary of actually sparing with anyone that wasn’t a tire he’d dragged in from…somewhere. The rest just seemed to pick random times to spar with each other or with Chula or one of Leo’s brothers.

And when Chula wasn’t entertaining Leon with sparring matches, or swapping Mandalorian recipes with Michel, or spotting Raphie while he lifted, she was working with Don and Donnie on the dimensional gateway, a task that had them out of the Lair more often than not.

He definitely wasn’t taking advantage of her being all over the place as an excuse to not talk with her much.

Don still looked very unimpressed, but he sighed, long and defeated, reaching over to pat Leo’s shoulder, “Well, it will take time to get everything loaded up, and the Jones-O’Neil’s said they’re not driving down until Friday.”

“So you’ll want to get there Thursday.”

Don shrugged, “Let’s face it, once the baby gets there, no one is going to be doing anything for a few hours.”

Leo huffed in agreement. Not every day that they got to play with a baby after all, “I’ll tell the guys and Splinter. Go get your lab packed up.”

Don smiled and gave Leo’s shoulder another quick pat before jogging off.

Leo sighed, letting himself sink into the couch for a few moments.

A trip out to the farmhouse would be nice…but having excuses to not sit and get to know Chula would be harder.

Then again, it had been getting harder anyway.

He’d assumed, probably foolishly, that the portal wouldn’t take too long. Quick fixes were something that happened a lot with them. But they had reached a month and, while the Donnie’s were progressing, it sounded like they had a ways to go. Which meant more time for Leo trying to dodge the inevitable.

…he shouldn’t be dodging it anyway. Like Master Splinter said, her code of honor wasn’t the same as his. He shouldn’t be avoiding her anymore, she’d more than proven she wasn’t…what he’d thought she was.

Leo sighed again and stood. 

He could put any talks off for a bit longer. For now, he had to make sure everyone knew they were headed to the farm.

—-----------------------------

Day of departure was always chaotic when they went to Hampton. Mostly because they left at two in the morning.

Even with the Hauler, going out during the day was a risk. That, and they had a very large spaceship to account for as well. Leo knew it had cloaking but he’d rather keep risks to a minimum.

Because Don was going to be on the Tortuga, Leo was designated the driver of the Hauler. And since Chula had offered an open invitation to anyone who wanted to ride with her, the only people with Leo were Raph, Master Splinter and Lou.

It was a bit odd, having the Hauler so quiet, free of Mikey chattering away or Don playing music. The only sound being Raph and Lou snoring away while Master Splinter meditated to pass the time.

Leo enjoyed the quiet for as long as it lasted.

Which was about halfway through Cunneticut before Raph snorted and sat up, rubbing his neck and wincing, “Geez, Mike usually wakes me up before I get a crick.”

“Mikey is on the Tortuga, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah, I ‘member,” Raph yawned. “Where we at now?”

“Little over halfway there.”

“Nice.”

They lapsed into silence again, watching the scenery zip by.

Leo broke the hush first, “You’ve talked to Chula a few times.”

Raph shugged, “Yeah, a few. Mostly when she’s spottin’ for Raphie.”

“Right, right,” Leo paused. “And after…everything…what do you think of her?”

Raph snorted, “You can just ask if I think she’s crazy or somethin’.”

Leo winced, “I wouldn’t say crazy-”

“Oh, she’s a lil nutty upstairs, ain’t no denyin’ that,” Raph interrupted. “But, ya know, she’s even older than April and Case and she’s a merc. Doubt you can get to that age with that kinda job and not be a little crazy.”

Leo frowned, glancing at Raph, “How do you know how old she is?”

“She kinda told me. Mikey was bein’ Mikey, makin’ jokes and tryin’ to get her to wrestle without just askin’ and she said ‘I am forty-four years old and you will respect me as your elder’. And then she kicked his shell.”

Leo couldn’t help but huff a little laugh, “...forty-four, huh?”

“Yup…,” Raph sighed. “I still think she went too far with…the entire turtle-napping and rescue situation. But she’s not like…like the guys we fight sometimes. I mean, she hasn’t worn her armor or weapons since they all had that sleepover in her ship.”

Leo had noticed that as well. It was kind of hard not to notice that, “So, what, do you think she’s trying to look less threatening?”

“I mean, yeah?” Raph said. “We…didn’t think about it at the time but I’m pretty sure those big ol’ ears ain’t for show.”

“...ah shell,” she had absolutely heard them talking on the drive back from the river.

“Yeah,” Raph sighed. “Kinda figured that out when Leon banged his arm and she heard him yelp from across the Lair and behind two doors…tried to loosen up around her a bit after that.”

“...did it help?”

“Yeah, helped me see she’s not all, ‘grrr, fighting, killing and shooting are my love languages’... she’s also, like, really touch-y. Like she's always starving for some kinda physical contact.”

…Leo had noticed that. She gave affection very freely, letting Leon, Michel, Donnie and even Mikey climb all over her. Leo had assumed she was just letting them mess around but…she did seem to have a habit of dragging Leon in for hugs.

“Final verdict then?” he asked.

“She’s nuts but so’s Casey and we keep him around.”

Leo did laugh at that, a short burst of a sound that he smothered behind a hand, “Right, got it.”

“You gonna try and bond with her when we all get out there?”

Leo shrugged, “Maybe.”

He’d see when they actually got there.

—-------------------------------

“Think they found the place?” Raph asked as he climbed out of the Hauler.

Leo shrugged, looking around. The sun was starting to rise over the barn, casting everything in soft shades of gold, but there didn’t seem to be a turtle-shaped spaceship.

“How do ya get lost when you can fly?” Raph gestured to the large, grassy patch by the windmill where a ship could be parked. “They should have beat us by a few hours.”

“Hmm,” Splinter stepped out of the Hauler, ears flicking this way and that. “I would not jump to conclusions, Raphael.”

“But they ain’t-”

Raph was interrupted by the roar of an engine. Leo did not jump physically…but it was very close. He looked up in time to see the Tortuga, appearing out of thin air as the cloaking deactivated. Wind buffeted them as the ship slowly touched down, the thrusters giving one last growl before winding down.

Mikey was off the ship and barreling towards the Hauler before the ramp fully descended, “Oh my god, you guys have got to go for a spin before they start working on her again! That was awesome!”

Raph stuck his arm out, catching Mikey by the face before he got tackled, “Glad you had fun knuckle-head. Now you get to help us unload.”

“Booooo!” Mikey groaned. “We’re at the farm dude, this is our vaca spot!”

“We did technically come up a day early to get everything prepped for April and Casey,” Don pointed out as he walked over. “If we do the unloading and get the house aired out, we can play with the baby quicker.”

Mikey frowned, as if he was very deeply considering Don’s words, “Yes, very true, very true. That’s why you’re the smart one Dee!”

Don rolled his eyes, “Thanks Mikey.”

Leo shook his head but found himself looking back at the Tortuga ramp.

Chula had stepped down…and she had changed into a loose brown shirt and black pants that went about halfway down her leg. It was…odd, not to see her in the green flight suit. Even the vembraces she had been wearing around the Lair were missing.

And he couldn’t help but notice how much…tamer she looked, more at ease, almost soft. The scene became even softer when Leon and Michel came pelting down the ramp and both tried to climb her like a tree. Her face brightened in a laugh as she reached and grabbed at them, managing to snag Michel and bring him in for a bear hug.

…okay, after April and Casey got here, he’d hang out with her. He nodded to himself before spinning and grabbing some luggage from the Hauler.

—---------------------------

The air was almost buzzing as they waited for April and Casey to arrive.

Leo sat on the porch, watching as most of the family burned off their nervous energy with a free-for-all sparring session.

One that Chula had happily joined in on.

So Leo took the opportunity to watch her. 

It was kind of funny, how she was obviously playing more than sparing. She was on the defensive, slipping in between all the turtle shells and batting away anyone who tried to jump her or just picking them up and letting them dangle before dropping them again and moving to the next teen.

Leo tipped his head as he observed. He hadn’t watched her sparring much at the Lair, seeing how she usually took it outside, citing that she liked having free reign to use an entire room for mock fights.

Personally, he thought it was because Leon and his brothers tended to get carried away.

But this wasn’t a proper spar for her. Her ears and shoulders were relaxed, her posture slightly stooped, eyes bright and joyful as she snatched up Michel and crushed him to her chest with a playful growl. Michel cackled in excitement, worming a hand out to bat at her arm and dramatically yell, “Help! I’m being turtle napped!.”

Leon spun, leaped onto Chula’s back with a snarl and wrapping his arms around her neck, “Release my baby brother!”

“No,” Chula replied, crushing Michel even closer. “My baby now. I’m gonna take him to space with me.”

“Betrayal!” Leon wailed through laughter.

Watching them, seeing Chula giggle and playfully wrestle with everyone was making it more difficult for Leo to still see the snarling, bloody, rage fueled warrior from a month ago. And he felt like such a jerk for only seeing that person.

Don had been right, Falco’s facility had been a one off incident. Not a great incident but an isolated one, nonetheless.

Leo was pulled out of his thoughts by Splinter raising his head, ears flicking towards the road, “My sons, they are here.”

“Wait, for real?” Mikey paused in pestering Raph, leap-froging over his shell to run to a better vantage point from the porch steps. A grin spread over his face and he started to wave his arms, “Oh my shell, they’re here!”

Leo smiled, standing to greet the car that was slowly coming up the drive.

…much, much too slowly to be Casey driving.

But as they got closer, Leo could see that Casey was, in fact, driving like a grandmother. He heard Raph laugh loudly and looked to see him elbowing Raphie, “Man, I knew Casey was gonna be that kinda parent.”

“He’s just being safe,” Raphie defended, even if it sounded weak.

Leo chuckled, leaning on the porch railing as the car slowly stopped in front of the group. Mikey tried to break ranks instantly, Michel, Apes and Raphie moving to follow, but Casey leaped out of the car, hand out as if to shield his kid, “Hey, hey, hey, no crowding my kid! Baby’s are delicate ya know, you can’t all jump on her at once!”

The back car door opened and April's voice drifted out, “Casey, they know that.”

“Yeah, Casey, we know that!” Mikey parroted, even as he stopped and settled for making grabbing motions towards April. “Now where’s that lil ninja? And better question, are we finally gonna find out her name?”

“Hold your horses, will ya?” Casey grumbled as he tugged the door open all the way for April.

Leo leaned forward, eyes fixed on the bulky car seat April was taking out. The moment it faced forward, everyone erupted into coo’s and aww’s. The baby was certainly chunky, chubby cheeked and limbed, a mop of dark curls poked out from a yellow beanie and big blue eyes scanned over all the new people leaning closer.

“Say hi to your uncle's sweetie,” April cooed, carefully taking one of the baby's hands and helping her wave.

Splinter’s claws lightly scraped the ground as he walked past the entire group, smiling down at the baby, “She is truly a beautiful child.”

“Very, very cute,” Raph agreed. “Now you gonna give us her name or are we gonna keep callin’ her ‘lil ninja’.”

Casey beamed, moving to stand next to April like they were presenting the kid, “Guys, Meet Cassandra Fede O’Neil-Jones!”

Leo smiled. The name was certainly a mouthful but it suited the little girl perfect-

“Oh my god!”

All eyes snapped to Leon, who was laughing, slapping at CJ’s back as the teen stared at Cassandra, face slowly turning red.

Leon’s laugh turned into a manic cackle as he leaned on CJ, “Dude, dude, bro, her name’s Cassandra.”

“It’s not that surprising,” Donnie sighed. “Name’s are likely to repeat, especially with pre-existing dimensional connections! It’s not that odd that this is the Cassandra of this universe.”

“You guys know a Cassandra related to CJ?” April asked.

“Know her?!” Leon was almost howling now. “Dude, our Cassandra is CJ’s mom!”

Ah. Leo could see the humor now.

CJ turned even redder as he reached up and pulled his mask down, “It’s not funny. Like Donnie said, dimensional consistency or whatever.”

“We found your mom in this dimension!” Leon giggled.

“Okay verd’ika, be nice,” Chula lightly cuffed Leon on his shell but she was smiling as well. “Leave CJ alone and help get the transport unloaded.”

Leo nodded, moving to the trunk and popping it open, “Everyone get a bag, we can visit once April and Casey are settled.”

“And Cassandra!” Mikey added. “When can we hold her? I call first dibs! I wanna hold her first!”

“You have to wash your hands,” April said as she started walking towards the house.

“And help get their stuff inside,” Leo added.

Mikey blew a raspberry, “You’re no fun.”

—-------------------------

Mikey did end up getting the first turn. He scrubbed his hands more thoroughly then Leo had even seen and then eagerly cuddled Cass to his plastron, “She’s so tiny.”

“She's a month old dude, of course she’s tiny,” Casey ws hovering, hands out Like Mikey would drop her at any second. “Make sure you support her head.”

“I got her, I got her,” Mikey babbled, voice pitched high and gaze fixed on Cass. “I would never, ever drop this lil lady. No, I would never.”

Cass giggled and grab Mikey’s mask tails, tugging one towards her mouth, much to Casey’s dismay.

Leo couldn’t deny his heart was melting a little.

Almost everyone had gathered in the living room, some waiting their turn to cuddle Cass and others happy to just watch.

Mikey held Cass for a few minutes before looking up, grinning at the circle, “Who wants next turn? No way I can hog all this cuteness.”

“Give her to Chula,” Leon said.

“Leon-,” Chula chided.

But he cut her protest off breezily, “Trust me guys, you want to give Chula a turn.”

Mikey grinned, apparently catching on to whatever Leon was saying. Because he was definitely saying something but Leo wasn’t sure what.

Mikey moved over, grin getting wider as he deposited Cass into Chula’s arms. She was small but she looked almost miniscule in Chula’s arms, which tucked neatly around Cass to suppose her head and spine.

Everyone watched as Chula looked at the baby in her arms. Cass reached up, babbling and grabbing for a lock of red hair.

And Leo watched in mild fascination as Chula’s pupils dilated, her ears flicked forward and all of her attention zeroed in on Cass.

And then she chirped.

Well, chitter would be a better word, a long sound that bubbled out of her throat, almost like a monkey. The sound made Cass squeal with laughter, hands beating the air in excitement.

“No way,” Raph whispered next to Leo as Chula chittered again, the sound morphing into a purr-like growl.

Leon looked around at the group, grinning smugly. Mikey nodded at him, clearly very happy with the current display.

And Leo kept watching as Chula ducked her head, letting Cass grab her hair as she chirped and chittered and purred away.

…now Leo really felt like a jerk…and he really needed to have a talk with Chula.

—------------------------------------

It was hours later, after some of the baby fever had ebbed and most people in the house were getting ready for bed, before Leo made his move.

He had been waiting for a chance to get Chula alone. An arguably difficult task, as it turned out, between all the different people wanting her time and attention.

Luckily, she wasn’t the type to head to bed early.

Leo found her on the porch, a tablet in hand with a picture of what looked like a very large fan blade on it. 

He cleared his throat to get her attention and gestured to the front lawn, “Would you like to spar?”

She blinked, mouth pulling into a confused frown, “Weapons or hand-to-hand?”

Right, she’d stopped carrying her weapons. Leo removed his katanas, leaning them just inside the door, “Hand-to-hand.”

Chula nodded, stowing her tablet away and gestured for Leo to lead.

They faced off on the grass, both slowly circling and waiting for the other to make the first move. Leo was surprised she didn’t just charge at him but he didn’t let that throw him off, the point of this wasn’t to improve his fighting anyway.

Chula did end up moving first, suddenly switching directions and moving to jab at Leo’s side. He blocked the hit, responding with a quick jab of his own. Chula spun, avoiding the attack and ducking low to grapple.

They traded blows like that for a bit, each ducking in and out, getting in quick jabs, maybe grappling for a few seconds, then jumping apart again.

Leo found comfort in the repetitive action, and he clung to that comfort when he finally spoke, “I owe you an apology.”

“Oh?” Chula jumped away, bringing her arms up to block. “For what?”

“I was unfair to you. I judged you based on an isolated incident and let that form my option of you.”

Chula snorted, sticking a leg out to block Leo’s kick, “You had every right to be wary. I know my way of doin’ things puts a lot of people off.”

“It was still unfair to you,” Leo jumped out of range before quickly diving back in for a punch. “You were saving me and Donnie and you haven’t done anything since then to warrant me avoiding you.”

Chula hummed, moving back a few paces, “You’re empathetic and have a hero complex, makes sense that you’d be big on the ‘no killing’ rule.”

Leo paused, “You sound confident.”

Chula smiled, shifting her weight for a kick, “I know someone back home, Astra Ader. She’s like you. Strong, but humble. Fearless and compassionate. When I met her, I was…not in a good place.” Leo managed to land a hit on her arm, she countered with an open palm to his chest. “...honestly, when we first met? I was jealous that she still had so much empathy.”

Leo grabbed Chula’s arm but didn’t move it away, simply held it firm, “Why?”

Chula’s smile turned sad, her ears drooping, “I lost that, a long time ago… Mandalore is infamous for fighting amongst themselves, our wars have made the planet almost uninhabitable…very few make it far before they’re caught in the middle of a war.”

Leo let go, stepping back, Chula doing the same, “...how old were you?”

“...thirteen.”

Leo felt like someone had punched him in the gut. He and his brothers hadn’t started getting into serious trouble with the Foot or aliens until they were fifteen. Thirteen felt so far, far away.

Chula heaved a heavy sigh, crossing her arms, eyes moving towards the sunset, “It was a war against people who have been trained to win every fight they're thrown into. My compassion, empathy…it died quickly. Had to if I wanted to make it out. It messed me up pretty bad…I’m tryin’ to be better…I got people I want to be better for but…they were planning to hurt you. All of you. You’re all kids who haven’t done a thing but help people. You shouldn’t have been caged up and poked at like common beasts.”

She turned back to Leo, eyes suddenly hardening, “I’m sorry I scared you, I’m sorry what I did affected you so much. But I will not apologize for taking down a bunch of demagolka.”

Leo nodded, slowly, “I still don’t agree…but thank you for coming for us.”

Chula smiled, almost shyly as she tilted her head, “We okay?”

“Yeah,” Leo agreed. “Yeah, I think we are.”

“Good, good.”

They stood in silence for a moment, just letting the air settle.

Then Leo had to ask, “What does that mean? Demagolka?”

Chula huffed, “The Basic translation doesn’t do the word justice but the most direct translation is ‘monster’...for Mandalorians, being called a demagolka is worse than a death sentence.”

“Your people don’t go half-way, do thay?”

“Nope,” Chula’s smile morphed into a smirk, eyes glinting with mischief. “For example…”

Leo yelped when she suddenly moved, much faster than she had been before, and grabbed Leo by the middle.

He responded on reflex, hooking his arms around her neck and twisting, sending both of them to the ground. Chula laughed, squirming out of his hold before going to grab him again.

Leo grinned as he moved away. The air felt a bit clearer now, clear enough that he let himself indulge in wrestling with Chula until long after the sun went down.

[no-reply95]

The Power Of Framing: John and Paul

Over the last few days I've been posting some quotes of interest that I'd bookmarked from Mark Lewisohn's Tune In book.

Tune In's reputation preceded it, every Beatles podcast I listened to mentioned it, Lewisohn's name either came up in conversation or the man himself would turn up for an interview so it got to the point that Tune In was so ubiquitous that I had to read the book and form an opinion for myself.

There are a lot of opinions I have on Tune In, both good and bad, but I'm not going touch on all of that here, at least not in this post.

The aspect of Lewisohn's narrative style that I want to get into is the way he frames the "bad" behaviour displayed by John and Paul.

There are two quotes from the book that I want to analyse, I'll start with John first:

John

“George was second only to John in the swallowing of Prellies and knew better than most the sum effect of taking too many for too long, how the combination of pills plus booze plus several sleepless days caused hallucinations and extreme conduct. He’d describe one occasion when he, Paul and Pete were lying in their bunk beds, trying to sleep, only for John to barge into the room in a wild state. ‘One night John came in and some chick was in bed with Paul and he cut all her clothes up with a pair of scissors, and was stabbing the wardrobe. Everybody was lying in bed thinking, “Oh fuck, I hope he doesn’t kill me.” [He was] a frothing mad person - he knew how to have “fun”.

Handling John was something his friends were well used to doing. If he didn’t murder them in their beds there was no greater buddy. They might fear for their lives but they loved him still. No way would they walk out and join another group. John was just John, and Paul and George’s hero-worship stayed fully intact.”

The above passage comes from the stint in Hamburg directly after Stu's death. John had always been the one to take the most prellies, as Lewisohn highlights, but he relays the fact that John was even more messed up than before subsequent to Stu's sudden death. I've highlighted a couple of lines from the extract to highlight how John's behaviour is framed by Lewisohn:

"the combination of pills plus booze plus several sleepless days caused hallucinations and extreme conduct"

From the outset Lewisohn is careful to outline the fact that John is under the influence of both bills and booze as well as being exhausted as a result of "several sleepless days" which has the sum impact of causing hallucinations and "extreme conduct" so in short, Lewisohn suggests that this behaviour from John is atypical and directly related to the substances and conditions he is under, the subsequent behaviour he displays, therefore, isn't a function of his innate personality, just a reaction to the chemicals and circumstances he currently finds himself beholden to.

"he, Paul and Pete were lying in their bunk beds, trying to sleep"

In terms of those impacted by John's actions, it isn't one individual that Lewisohn highlights, it's George, Paul and Pete, which to me suggests that anyone could have been on the receiving end of John's outburst. When describing the bedroom scene prior to John's entrance, Lewisohn describes the three guys as "trying to sleep", so a picture is painted of a quiet room where there's a lack of activity as everyone is tired and, either on their way to or currently, asleep.

"some chick was in bed with Paul and he cut all her clothes up with a pair of scissors, and was stabbing the wardrobe"

Firstly, the story that George relates (source Anthology, 2000), unlike the scene Lewisohn sets, makes it clear that there was only one target for John's outburst, not George, Pete or even Paul but an unnamed woman whose only crime was to be "in bed with Paul" so, far from trying to get to sleep, Paul was in fact having sex with this woman when John barged into the room. John, in the altered state that he's in, zeroes in on this woman by cutting up her clothes and stabbing at the wardrobe - it's a scary scene that George describes, so what is the lasting impression Lewisohn leaves us with?

"John was just John, and Paul and George’s hero-worship stayed fully intact.”

Despite the shock of the scene that George describes, ultimately John's behaviour has no lasting impact on his relationships with the others or on the future of the band. Lewisohn confirms that "Paul and George's hero-worship stayed fully intact" so not only was their view of John unharmed but they continued to hold him in the highest possible esteem, but how did they rationalise the unpredictability of John's behaviour? Well, "John was just John" the others knew that this was how John got from time to time, this was nothing new for them and their hero worship continued on, the core relationships were unaffected and the operation of the band was unscathed because there was no way that George and Paul would ever leave and join another band so, all in all, no harm done.

Paul

“Brian, John and George went to the Beehive and John used a public box to call Paul, returning with the message ‘He says he’s not coming.’ Brian must have been apoplectic: they’d be unable to play the booking, letting down the university and their paying audience, embarrassing him, ruining their chance of a rebooking, and undoing his repair work to the Beatles��� old bad reputation. He went back to his office to phone Paul, but Paul refused to speak. Jim informed Brian that Paul said he wouldn’t be turning up, and that was that.

Recalling the night five years later, Paul told of how, having discovered Brian and the others hadn’t waited outside his house for him, he decided ‘Fuck them - if they can’t be arsed waiting for me, I can’t be arsed going after them. So I sat down and watched telly.’ Jim was unable to persuade Paul to change his mind. Paul said he’d felt he’d always been ‘the keen one’, so now he’d go sharp the other way and make no effort at all.

John saw a bigger picture, and it would be surprising if it wasn’t equally obvious, or made obvious to Brian and George. He likened Paul’s enduring snag with Brian to his other long-standing difficulty: ‘[Brian] and Paul didn’t get along - it was a bit like [Stuart and Paul] between the two of them’.”

The above passage comes from a time in the Beatles' career, not long after they've agreed to take Brian on as their manager. Brian's hard work on their behalf is starting to pay off and they're getting the opportunity to do loads of gigs for good money. Lewisohn discusses an instance where Brian goes to 20 Forthlin Road to pick up Paul for the night's gig only to be told that he's running late and won't be able to get going for a while. As with the first passage, I've highlighted a couple of lines to highlight how Paul's behaviour is framed:

"Brian must have been apoplectic"

In this passage Lewisohn provides his interpretation of how Brian must have felt to turn up at Paul's house only to find that he'd defied his instructions to be on time. Right from the beginning of this story we are able to empathise with Brian, as the principle victim of Paul's actions.

"letting down the university and their paying audience, embarrassing him, ruining their chance of a rebooking, and undoing his repair work to the Beatles’ old bad reputation."

For the avoidance of doubt, Lewisohn details the wide reaching impact of Paul's behaviour and the list of the aggrieved is long: the university, the paying audience and ultimately the band, all the hard work that they and Brian have put in has been undone by Paul's actions and the tarnished reputation of old is back with a vengeance.

"John saw a bigger picture, and it would be surprising if it wasn’t equally obvious, or made obvious to Brian and George. He likened Paul’s enduring snag with Brian to his other long-standing difficulty: ‘[Brian] and Paul didn’t get along - it was a bit like [Stuart and Paul] between the two of them’.”

If the reader was left wondering if this was a one-off incident or if Paul was just having a bad day that he'd taken out on Brian, Lewisohn suggests that this was, in fact, part of a pattern of behaviour as "John saw a bigger picture" and Lewisohn remarks that "it would be surprising" if both Brian and George weren't equally aware of the bigger forces at play here. To reinforce the lasting implications of Paul's actions, Lewisohn talks about "Paul's enduring snag with Brian" and then likens it to Paul's other "long-standing difficulty" with Stu, which triggers the readers' knowledge of Paul's jealousy of Stu's closeness to John and invites the reader to also view Paul's relationship with Brian through that lens. The extract is then capped up by a quote from John (source, McCabe and Schonfled interview, 1971), seemingly, supporting Lewisohn's premise by linking the clash between Paul and Brian to the clash, that Lewisohn has already expertly laid out in his book, between Paul and Stu.

How the framing differs

In both excerpts I've pulled Lewisohn uses direct quotes from the principles as well as his own interpretation, both to varying impacts.

In the first excerpt, Lewisohn provides a context for John's behaviour, it's not long after Stu has died, John is under the influence of a cocktail of drugs and substances, so we're led to feel sympathy for the state that he's in and to excuse the frightening behaviour that subsequently follows. Lewisohn doesn't offer any context for Paul's behaviour, we assume that Paul is sober and of sound mind so there's no confusion as to the fact that Paul is in full control of his actions so we're less likely to excuse or able to rationalise his actions.

The preamble that Lewisohn writes prior to George's recounting of John barging into the room, mentions George, Pete and Paul being present, so Lewisohn gives us the impression that John's later actions are almost random, maybe it could have been Pete, or George, it just happened to be the woman in bed with Paul who triggered John's anger. We never hear about how the woman reacted to having her clothes torn to shreds just because she slept with Paul, Lewisohn doesn't offer any thoughts to Paul's reaction to having John barging into the room and raising hell while he was sharing an intimate moment with this woman. In stark contract, we're told precisely by Lewisohn about how he presumes Brian felt in the face of Paul's obstinance and the seriousness isn't lost on the reader because every possible group of people negatively impacted is called out with evocative language (i.e. embarrassing, ruining).

Lewisohn frames the Hamburg scissors incident in such a way that it's clear that this was just a blip on the band's radar, the "hero-worship" of George and Paul is undimmed and we're given the framework, either by accident or design, by which to view any similar outburst in the future, it's just John, he may overdo it from time to time but his negative actions will never be consequential because the love and worship the others have for him will never be overcome "no way would they walk out and join another group" because no matter what John did, Paul and George would condone it, stick by him and love him regardless, so why shouldn't we?

However, Lewisohn couldn't be clearer that Paul's disobedience of Brian was part of a larger pattern of behaviour that was detrimental to the band, John could see the bigger picture, the same bigger picture that was "obvious" to Brian and George. Rather than startling an unnamed German woman (Lewisohn leaves this to our imagination) Lewisohn carefully plots out how Paul's actions directly hurt the band and the good work they'd been doing with Brian's help. Far from a moment of chemically induced madness, Paul's behaviour is familiar, we've seen it before with Stu, now we're seeing it with Brian - Lewisohn is clear that the seeds of the break up are sewn in Tune In so is he suggesting that the behaviour Paul displays here can also be traced to 1969?

Was this difference in framing called for?

These two stories outlining John and Paul's behaviour aren't identical, one takes place in Hamburg in the privacy of a bedroom and directly impacts two people while the other takes place in Liverpool and directly impacts several people as well as the band, it could be argued that on this basis these situations Lewisohn was justified in framing these two incidents differently.

However, there are several similarities that I can spot between the behaviour John and Paul displayed:

Pattern of behaviour - Lewisohn appears to be making the case that John's outburst was purely circumstantial while Paul's clash with Brian was part of a longstanding jealousy issue Paul had of anyone close to John. I do think that jealousy may have been a factor in the clashes Paul had initially with Brian (as referenced briefly in my Jealous Guys post) but in my opinion there are complexities that exist with Paul's relationship with Brian (namely around Paul's dislike of authority figures and need for control) that don't exist in Paul's relationship with Stu or, further down the road, Yoko as neither Stu nor Yoko were ever in a position of authority over Paul, John didn't bring them into the band as a manager or producer so I think the more natural comparison is Stu and Yoko not Stu and Brian. Further, despite Lewisohn's descriptions to the contrary and lack of relation to a bigger picture, John's behaviour here was in fact part of a pattern of behaviour, this woman wasn't the first and would not be the last of Paul's love interests that John reacted negatively to; Jane Asher, Peggy Lipton and ultimately Linda would feel the brunt of John's negative attention throughout the Beatles and post-Beatles years, this was an opportunity for Lewisohn to lay the groundwork of that but unfortunately he didn't want to connect these particular dots.

Impact on the band - Lewisohn is at pains to outline how George and Paul weren't going anywhere and there's no suggestion that John's actions would have any impact on the band or its future but, with the hindsight we have, is that correct? Even before Hamburg, John is abusing alcohol, largely to numb the effects of the sudden death of his mother, then in Hamburg, he's now abusing drugs too which negatively impacts his behaviour. For the rest of the Beatle years John's substance abuse issues appear again and again (Bob Wooler incident at Paul's 21st birthday, destruction of ego and fall in productivity due to prolonged LSD use, increase in the communication issues in the band in the wake of John and Yoko's heroin addiction). If Lewisohn was really interested in giving us the bigger picture, why didn't he outline the detrimental impact that John's substance abuse issues were having on the band, all it would have taken was for him to help the reader to understand how the woman and Paul felt as a result of John's actions but instead he uses this story as another opportunity to reinforce the idea that Paul and George hero-worshipped John.

Links to the break up: In many of his podcast interviews (Nothing Is Real and Fabcast spring to mind) Lewisohn is clear that, although the events of the break-up are years away from being committed to paper, the roots are laid out in Tune In. Paul's clash with Brian is framed in such a way to underscore how it fostered long difficulties between Paul and the band's manager in a way that was obvious to the others, does that sound familiar? If we sub Klein in for Brian, we've suddenly been transported to the summer of '69, I believe this is intentional and given the pretty uncharitable way Paul's actions are described (Paul should have been on time but leaving without him so that he had to take several buses instead only made everyone later and poured gasoline on an already open flame, neither Paul, Brian or the band won in this situation which I think all parties came to realise at a later stage) we're already being conditioned to believe that by the time it's 1969 this reckoning for Paul has been a long time coming and we should be glad that John, George, Ringo and Klein are finally stand up to Paul's immature power plays. However, can the break up also be traced to John's actions. As already discussed, the first excerpt outlines one of the first instances of John's substance abuse negatively impacting the band, in 1961 he's destroying a woman's clothing, cock-blocking Paul and terrorising everyone, in 1969 he's in a heroin haze with Yoko which hinders the already frayed communication links with the rest of the band and fosters an environment where, to John, only "JohnandYoko" matter ("I mean, I’m not going to lie, you know. I would sacrifice you all for her [Ono]", Get Back Sessions, 1969) to the extent that they're able to be wooed by Allen Klein who knows exactly what John and Yoko want so they allow him to give it to them, irrespective of what the rest of band need or want.

In the end, I have no problem with either story being included in Tune In, neither John or Paul were saints and in these instances we can see aspects of their personality that will feature, for better and for worse, over the course of the rest of the Beatles' career and, in John's case, his life. However, it is a shame that time and time again, when given the opportunity to frame John and Paul's actions Lewisohn opts to minimise John's misdeeds via his emphasis on Paul and George's love and patience for him, while for Paul almost no context is provided for his negative actions and Lewisohn subtlety begins to plot the lines that will eventually lead to the 3 to 1 split and the lawsuit that, not only breaks up the band but ensures they never reform again. The part Paul plays in the break-up does have roots in his personality, which we see glimpses of in his interactions with Brian in 1961 (he won't be pushed around and his reaction to being pushed is to fight back not fall in line) but we also see John's role start to take shape too (the unpredictability of his actions under the influence of substances and the chain of events that would occur as a result i.e. LSD - loss of ego - jealousy of Paul's output and his loss of dominance - openness to Klein who identifies John as the leader and reinforces his belief in his supremacy in the Lennon-McCartney partnership as well as filling John with misinformation like reminding him he wrote most of Eleanor Rigby). It's a problem that only Paul's negative reactions and missteps are framed in the wider context of the band because this skews the story and fails to accurately plot the role John also played in the band's demise. If Lewisohn's aim is to provide us with a balanced, definitive take on the band's story then, based on this evidence, he's falling short.

[yjwhatif]

#MoreYoungJustice #RenewYoungJustice #SaveEarth16 #YoungJusticePhantoms

With the second half of the season starting up on the 31st (which is barely even March btw - they might as well have said it’s back in April - they got my hopes up…) anyway, I thought I’d share some of the random things that have popped into my head at some point or another during the series… emphasis on the random. Now these are not exactly ‘theories’ because I absolutely do not expect most - if not any - of them to actually happen, they’re just fun little random ‘what ifs’ that I have little to no logical reasoning for thinking up… also, I’ve been trying to write up a Zatanna/objectivity post that’s just not going well and kinda pissing me off…

SO, here’s something random and pointless instead…

Wyynde is some kind of direct descendant of Arion — and no I don’t mean in the way all Atlanteans are supposed to be descended from Arion… I think… honestly I don’t know what I mean, but Wyynde is connected to Arion — somehow… 🤷‍♀️ (Also they do kinda look like each other)

Dolphin is a daughter of Vandal Savage — I’ve thought this since like the second time I watch s3 and I don’t know why — I just did… Moving on…

Traci and Jaime will break up because of the Dr Fate situation — now I’m not even doubtful on this one, I think that insecurity induced fate puppet sequence highlighted the chance that their connection might not be as strong as it maybe was in s3 and now on top of any problems they may be having, Traci has agreed to host Fate for every 4th week of her life - which is a major adjustment anyway without even factoring in relationships and other obligations. It’s something that needs time and patience to get used to and basically I don’t think it’s gonna end well… which isn’t necessarily a bad thing - relationships end and I don’t think they were ever an endgame couple.

Traci’s not gonna remain a Fate host — this is kinda explored in the Zatanna post I may or may not have given up on… but, basically I think Traci is gonna struggle the most with adjusting to Fate and the full extent of what the sacrifices entails - after all she doesn’t really seem to think about anything before saying yes to Zatanna’s proposition — maybe out of a sense of loyalty, or to prove herself for others instead of for herself. Also if she does stop being a host, it should be shown as a really strong moment where she’s finally deciding her own path for herself - instead of going along with what she thinks others expect of her to please them.

Mary’s Shazam form (and maybe all magically two-formed beings) is linked to some kind of ghost dimension and that’s how Granny was talking to her in the last scene — Granny was seemingly talking inside Mary’s head - like - how and why - Gretchens maybe had a few mentions so far but she’s played no part in the plot so far - so why turn up now interacting with a character she never had a relationship with… Unless it’s Anti-Life Equation related? I want to know!

Brions ‘Markovia Welcoms Meta-Humans’ shtick will cause trouble for the MHYC — Like what if Ed’s hopes for more buildings never happened and they lost a load of funding thanks to the outing of Lex and Gretchen as baddies - what did they do with all new metas - who’s funding the Centre now? And if there isn’t the space or freedom to create a safe and positive experience for all these teens then why wouldn’t those teens consider going to a place where they are welcomed - a whole country where they’re welcomed and who’s king is even an ex-Outsiders meta as well. I can just see Ed trying his hardest to convince these teens that you can’t trust Brion, but they don’t really trust Ed anymore because he keeps promising things like better facilities that have never materialised because they don’t have the funding - so they don’t really care what he says - and he’s faced with the genuine threat of watching these teens they did so much to saved walk straight back into danger — all because of money. It would be so interesting to see Ed now having to deal the frustrations of being denied what’s needed because of funding and politics, whilst also essentially becoming the one making empty promises and preaching safety to the teens under his watch — reflecting how he and the other Runaways viewed STAR Labs and its staff when they were there. (I’ll be honest, I could still do a full post on this one)

Kaldur is overdue a serious emotional breakdown — dude has been through SO MUCH and remained a rock throughout it all — he’s got to crack at some point… everybody had a breaking point and I feel like Kaldur’s is on the horizon… Also, fun fact, I had planned to do a Kaldur post on this topic after my zatanna post, but because that never got finished, the Kaldur one never really got started — so I figured I’d just tag this on here instead… Who knows, maybe the fates will change and I’ll actually get both posts written and posted before s4B starts up again… I honestly doubt it, but I guess we’ll see.

I don’t trust bearded Kaldur — I don’t really know why, I just don’t… And that’s it.

Thanks for reading if you did, I appreciate your time.

LB 💛

Also, I’m just gonna put this here because even though it’s not plot related, it is technically a ‘random thought’ I’ve had about the show and I don’t really know where else to put it… so it’s going here…

9. I think there is a contractual reason why Bart cannot be depicted as an LGBTQ+ character in the show — So, I watched this video the other day where it mentioned that Marvel had a number of guidelines on how the character of Peter Parker/Spider-Man can be portrayed by Sony - one of those rules, regarding his sexuality, basically saying he can’t be anything other than straight. Now these were the restrictions set during Andrew Garfield’s time as the Amazing Spider-Man, so whether the characters still legally locked into only being straight - I don’t know, but it got me wondering if that’s what’s going on with Bart. Does dc have a specific rule in their licensing agreement for the character of Bart Allen that explicitly states that Bart can only be portrayed as a heterosexual male…? It wouldn’t surprise me if so — it just annoys me.

Seriously, if we do get a season 5, the one thing I want is for this stupid restriction to be gone because there is absolutely no validity in it at all.

[theartofdreaming1]

As usual, my thoughts regarding this week’s prompts and random thoughts on chapters 25-27 are below the cut.

heart

The imagery that really caught my attention this time was Peeta pointing out the changes in the moon to Katniss: The only indication of the passage of time lies in the heavens, the subtle shift of the moon. So Peeta begins pointing it out to me, insisting I acknowledge its progress and sometimes, for just a moment I feel a flicker of hope before the agony of the night engulfs me again. - So for one, we see another example of Peeta focusing on the small details in life (which I’ve previously hypothesized to being an important element in his recovery from his hijacking) as well as Peeta being the one to give Katniss hope, even if it’s just for a brief moment. Also, it’s a nice parallel to Katniss looking at the moon and desperately wishing for it to be “her moon” back in chapter 23. As a nocturnal person, I also love watching the moon from my living room window🌙

mind

Hmmh, I don’t think that Katniss and Peeta’s win was predetermined - although I do believe that by introducing the romantic angle, they significantly improved their odds. A Career winning the Games is not really that special and exciting, since it happens so often (although Careers generally satisfy that excitement for violence/blood/gore, that plenty of Capitol people seem to share). As a volunteer from District 12, who achieved an extremely good training score and proved herself to be very capable in the arena already, Katniss definitely had an edge by playing into the classic underdog story, which offered another exciting “narrative” for the Capitolites to follow - that, coupled (heh) with the romance angle Peeta introduced? Katniss (and Peeta) definitely had the entertainment (and excitement through novelty) factor on their side. Ironically, Cato’s chances of winning were not as good as he expected, precisely because he was playing it by the book.

soul

Poor Peeta (and Katniss), it hurts that their relationship was in such a rocky place by the end of the book. Especially those weeks right after the end of Book 1, when there were still cameras around District 12 and they had to pretend while hurting must have sucked big time🥺

Chapter 25

Ugh, the muttations are just so unsettling... *shudder*

Honestly, I’m just so impressed by Peeta’s presence of mind to draw that X on Cato’s hand, after he had just most of his calf ripped off, only to be grabbed and put in a headlock by Cato! He and Katniss work insanely well under pressure

God, Cato’s death is just so gruesome and awful... In the end, his “gift” from the Feast doesn’t help him win at all, but instead ends up prolonging his suffering a cruel amount... I wonder if in general these “gifts” come with a string attached (aside from the expected danger of trying to get them, I mean) - because the Gamemakers also intend for Katniss’s “gift” (medicine for Peeta) to force an even more cruel outcome on her - saving him from blood poisoning only to be forced into killing him herself... 🤔

I’m not sure if this is exactly medical protocol, but I’m terrified that if he drifts off he’ll never wake again. “Are you cold?” he asks. He unzips his jacket and I press against him as he fastens it around me. - Katniss is terrified of the idea of Peeta dying; at the same time, Peeta worries about her freezing - I can’t with these two 😩

Peeta begins to doze off now, and each time he does, I find myself yelling his name louder and louder because if he goes and dies on me now, I know I’ll go completely insane. He’s fighting it, probably more for me than for him - Katniss can’t lose any more people she cares about 😢; on a different note, Peeta fighting his unconsciousness “probably more for [Katniss] than for him” points out one of the crucial elements Katniss brings into Peeta’s life - she is that someone for whom he will fight - including for his own life and well-being - even when it feels easier to give up... Having that person in your life that keeps you going can make all the difference - if Katniss hadn’t had Prim and promised her “to really, really try” to win (and later also made Rue the same promise), I’m not sure she would have made it this far; it’s the thought of Prim anxiously watching her after Rue’s death, that forces Katniss to keep going, to not give in to despair after that particular traumatic event - Peeta, on the other hand, didn’t really have that kind of person in his life, as he will point out on the beach in CF (and Katniss acknowledges herself that the only person who will be devasted if Peeta dies is her)... that is not to say that neither Katniss nor Peeta aren’t fighters on their own - but it helps to have someone that inspires you to not give up

the adrenaline pumping through my body would never allow me to follow him, so I can’t let him go. I just can’t. - We’ll see the mirrored version of this by the end of Mockinjay 

Pity, not vengeance, sends my arrow flying into [Cato’s] skull. - Another act of rebellion, technically (sure, this can be spun as Katniss killing Cato so she and Peeta may win - before Peeta dies from blood loss - but we know better - Katniss’s motivation was compassion for her supposed enemy)

We inch down to the tail of the horn and fall to the ground. If the stiffness in my limbs is this bad, how can Peeta even move? - Peeta is tough as nails, yo!

Before I am even aware of my actions, my bow is loaded with the arrow pointed straight at his heart [...] I drop my weapons and take a step back, my face burning in what can only be shame. “No,” he says. “Do it.” [...] “I can’t,” I say, “I won’t.” - In spite of her initial reflex, Katniss chooses Peeta/ chooses not to kill him; it’s a recurring theme in their relationship (despite her wariness of others, she chooses to open up to Peeta eventually; although she vowed to never marry and have children, she’ll choose to have a family with Peeta); also, my psychology-brain just noticed how this moment illustrates how harmful thoughts/impulses don’t have to determine your actions and are not an indicator of who you are - it’s about what you choose to do

“You’re not leaving me here alone,” I say. Because if he dies, I’ll never go home, not really. I’ll spend the rest of my life in this areny trying to think my way out. - Again, makes me think of MJ; also, I think that from this point onwards, Katniss and Peeta are officially linked together forever; the bond they forged during this traumatic experience will connect them to each other until the day they die

“On the count of three?” Peeta leans down and kisses me once, very gently. “The count of three,” he says. - My heart😭

Chapter 26

... while our muscles are immobile, nothing is preventing the blood from draining out of Peeta’s leg. Sure enough, the minute the door closes behind us and the current stops, he slumps to the floor unconscious  [...] Through the glass, I see the doctors working feverishly on Peeta, their brows creased in concentration [...] I’m not sure, but I think his heart stops twice. - Peeta was in such a bad shape by the end of the Games; I’m still kinda salty that the movie really glossed over this fact :/

... they’re taking Peeta but leaving me behind the door. I start hurling myself against the glass, shrieking and I think I just catch a glimpse of pink hair - it must be Effie, it has to be Effie coming to my rescue - when the needle jabs me from behind. - Oh geez, in Catching Fire Katniss will also get sedated in a hovercraft because she’s upset about being separated from Peeta 😢 (also, Katniss thinking that Effie is coming to her rescue 😭)

While she [Lavinia, the avox] adjusts my pillows, I risk one question. I say it out loud, as clearly as my rusty voice will allow, so nothing will seem secretive. “Did Peeta make it?” She gives me a nod, and as she slips a spoon into my hand, I feel the pressure of friendship. - Katniss is so considerate of Lavinia’s situation, and Lavinia’s giving her a gesture of comfort and support; they’ve never been able to have a proper conversation (Katniss doesn’t even know Lavinia’s name), but still they managed to build up such a bond - compassion certainly is a strong thing to behold 😭 (and this whole scene is just through and through about compassion, with Katniss asking how Peeta is doing!)

Home! Prim and my mother! Gale! Even the thought of Prim’s scruffy old cat makes me smile. Soon I will be home! - Katniss is so excited to see her home and her loved ones again

I want to get out of this bed. To see Peeta and Cinna - Aww, the two people she grew closest to over the course of the past weeks (Haymitch will be added to that list in just a smidge)

Or do I hear a man’s voice yelling? Not in the Capitol accent, but in the rougher cadences of home. And I can’t help having a vague, comforting feeling that someone is looking out for me. - Thank God for Haymitch! 

And behind one of them [doors] must be Peeta. Now that I’m conscious and moving, I’m growing more and more anxious about him [...] “Peeta!” I call out, since there’s no one to ask - Katniss is sick with worry over Peeta; romantic feelings or not, she cares so fricking much for him by now!

I run for them [Effie, Haymitch, and Cinna] and surprise even myself when I launch into Haymitch’s arms first. When he whispers in my ear, “Nice job, sweetheart,” it doesn’t sound sarcastic. - These reunion scenes are so intense and heartwarming! And then Katniss asks about Portia and Peeta because their presence would make this scene complete 

when I asks for seconds, I’m refused. “No, no, no. They don’t want it all coming back up on the stage,” says Octavia, but she secretly slips me an extra roll under the table to let me know she’s on my side - It’s moments like these that help humanize Katniss’s prep team - they might be shallow, they might be completely oblivious and ignorant, but they aren’t that bad [of course, the prep team chattering about their mundane lives while talking about the event that ended with the deaths of 22 children shortly after, leaves a bad taste in our mouths]

I immediately notice the padding over my breasts, adding curves that hunger has stolen from my body. My hands go to my chest and I frown. “I know,” says Cinna before I can object. “But the Gamemakers wanted to alter you surgically. Haymitch had a huge fight with them over it. This was the compromise.” - God, the idea that the Gamemakers wanted to give a boob job to an unconscious, malnourished 16-year-old girl makes me sick 🤢 (Also, what’s the flipping deal about boobs?! As a pretty flat-chested gal, I’ve always been annoyed that there are barely any bras my cup size that are not push-up ones; I’m not self-conscious about it, so stop making me pretend that I’m bustier than I actually am!)

“I thought it’d be something more... sophisticated-looking,” I say. “I thought Peeta would like this better,” he [Cinna] answers carefully. Peeta? No, it’s not about Peeta. It’s about the Capitol and the Gamemakers and the audience. Although I do not yet understand Cinna’s design, it’s a reminder the Games are not quite finished. - Ugh, that sinking feeling when Katniss and the reader realize that the Games are still not over... Sidenote: Peeta flirted up a storm with grimy, bloodied Katniss and complimented her when she wore Cinna’s first, absolutely badass costume (”You should wear flames more often”)... Katniss’s girlish outfit  has nothing to do with Peeta and she knows it... Cinna could have dressed Katniss up in a trash bag and Peeta would have been smitten - although a trash bag by Cinna would probably still look pretty good ;)

“How about a hug for luck?” Okay, that’s an odd request from Haymitch but, after all we are victors. Maybe a hug for luck is in order. - Aww, Katniss actually wouldn’t have minded giving Haymitch a hug just because - sadly, this is about survival tips instead :/

But what was it Haymitch said when I asked it he had told Peeta the situation? That he had to pretend to be desperately in love? “Don’t have to. He’s already there.” Already thinking ahead of me in the Games again and well aware of the danger we’re in? Or... already desperately in love? I don’t know. I haven’t even begun to separate out my feelings about Peeta. It’s too complicated. - Poor Katniss... she didn’t have the time and peace of mind to sort out her feelings regarding Peeta before they all got tied up and muddled with her need for survival. Now she’ll be having an even harder time trying to untangle that mess :(

Chapter 27

Then there’s Peeta just a few yards away. He looks so clean and healthy and beautiful, I can hardly recognize him. But his smile is the same whether in mud or in the Capitol and when I see it, I take about three steps and fling myself into his arms [...] He rights himself and we just cling to each other while the audience goes insane. He’s kissing me and all the time I’m thinking, Do you know? Do you know how much danger we’re in? After about ten minutes of this, Caesar Flickerman taps on his choulder to continue the show, and Peeta just pushes him aside without even glancing at him. - Man, their reunion here always gets me - it would be so fricking good if Katniss didn’t have to worry about their potential doom 😒😔 - she barely has time to just be happy to see Peeta alive and well before slipping back into survival mode while Peeta is just genuinely thrilled to have her in his arms, completely unaware of the pressure and immediate danger Katniss experiences in this moment... It hurts so bad

I’m with Katniss - How did the previous victors endure rewatching those horrible moments from the Games?! I guess because they had to, but oof... I think I’d just completely shut down, blocking out the footage shown, ugh

But I do notice they omit the part where I covered her [Rue] in flowers. Right. Because even that smacks of rebellion. - In such a callous and cruel place as Panem, any act of compassion can be regarded as rebellion, it’s crazy. In a place filled with apathy, hedonism, greed, and cruelty, the most radical things you can exhibit are love, kindness, and respect!

A wave of gratitude to the filmmakers sweeps over me when they end not with the announcement of our victory, but with me pounding on the glass door of the hovercraft, screaming Peeta’s name as they try to revive him. In terms of survival, it’s my best moment all night. - Again, another instance where Katniss’s genuine feelings/reactions to Peeta are get muddled with her need for survival

The one thing I never do is let go of Peeta’s hand. - irrevocably linked with each other

Despite Haymitch’s running interference, I’m determined to see Peeta privately. - Katniss just wants to have an honest and open talk with Peeta 😢 (I get where Haymitch is coming from, and maybe in this instance it’s the right call, but we’ll see a similar situation in the beginning of CF when Haymitch advises Katniss not to tell Peeta about President Snow’s visit and that time, it doesn’t go so well...)

Then Peeta’s there looking handsome in red and white - for someone who isn’t sure whether she’s into him or not, Katniss sure mentions how good Peeta’s looking a lot 😏

“Well, there’s just this and we go home. Then he can’t watch us all the time,” says Peeta. - 👀👀 Peeta is so thirsty here; reminds me of when he pulled Katniss close to him in the cave before they set out to hunt... He clearly believes she’s also “already there” regarding their relationship; he’s never this “suggestive” (can’t think of a better word right now) with her once she lets him know that she doesn’t really know how she feels about him - I feel a sort of shiver run through me and there’s no time to analyze why - Katniss totally isn’t averse to what Peeta’s suggesting here, either (though there’s probably also a healthy amount of fear mixed in with the thrill of being wanted - letting people in can be terrifying)

I can feel Peeta press his forehead into my temple and he asks, “So now that you’ve got me, what are you going to do with me?” I turn in to him. “Put you somewhere you can’t get hurt.” And when he kisses me, people in the room actually sigh. - It’s me; I’m people 🙋🏼‍♀️ (also, the “turn in to him”?!?!! it just suggests such a closeness, I can’t-)

Katniss burying her face in Peeta’s shirt when she’s afraid she might cry learning that he lost his leg 🥺 (how awful it must be to be constantly on display while you’re dealing with your private feelings, ugh)

“... The moment when you pulled out those berries. What was going on in your mind... hm?” [...] It seems to call for a big, dramatic speech, but all I get out is one almost inaudible sentences. “I don’t know, I just... couldn’t bear the thought of... being without him.” - It might not be a super eloquent way to put what she was supposed to say, but this way, Katniss is being perfectly honest (and frankly, if she’d had the chance to properly process her feelings, she would have been able to voice this sentiment with less hesitation)

I go back to my room to collect a few things and find there’s nothing to take but the mockingjay pin Madge gave me. Someone returned it to my room after the Games. - For one, Katniss didn’t think of that pin (again), but also - was the pin returned to her simply because it’s standard procedure or did someone (like Plutarch, for example) arrange for Katniss to get the pin back, to keep her connection to this symbol going?

I stare in the mirror as I try to remember who I am and who I am not. - Poor Katniss! She’s been through so much, experienced so many traumatic events in short succession recently (aside from the trauma she already had), already had problems defining her identity beyond sheer survival, and now the Capitol also keeps pushing an identity onto her and a romantic relationship, when she hadn’t even had the chance to figure out how she felt about that yet

“... Haymitch has been coaching me through the last few days. So I didn’t make it worse,” I say. “Coaching you? But not me,” says Peeta. “He knew you were smart enough to get it right,” I say. “I didn’t know there was anything to get right,” says Peeta. - Oh boy. It’s always so painful to see Peeta realize that he’s been completely out of the loop; again, we’ll see how Katniss and Haymitch adopt a similar strategy in the beginning of CF: banking on Peeta’s good social skills and eloquence and keeping him in the dark. In a way, it’s a sort of compliment they pay to Peeta for being good with people, but, by not telling him, they are also using him for their purpose (which is motivated by caring for and wanting to protect Peeta, but still). Peeta is right to be upset about it - he has always been very clear about not wanting to be used as a piece in anyone’s games, really. And, as we will see later in CF, they are way more effective as a team when they are open and honest with each other.

“It was all for the Games,” Peeta says. “How you acted.” “Not all of it,” I say, tightly holding on to my flowers. “Then how much? No, forget that. I guess the real question is what’s going to be left when we get home?” he says. “I don’t know. The closer we get to District Twelve, the more confused I get,” I say. He waits, for further explanation, but none’s forthcoming. “Well, let me know when you work it out,” he says, and the pain in his voice is palpable. - It’s just so goddamn painful😢 They’ve both been done so dirty by that forced star-crossed lovers of Distrct 12 routine. (Sidenote: I appreciate that Peeta actually gives Katniss the chance to explain herself here - still, it’s too much to deal with on the spot so I can understand why Katniss ended up dropping the ball, even though it’s frustrating to read.)

That it’s not good loving me because I’m never going to get married anyway and he’d just end up hating me later instead of sooner. That if I do have feelings for him, it doesn’t matter because I’ll never be able to afford the kind of love that leads to a family, to children. And how can he? How can he after what we’ve just been through? - Oh Katniss, you certainly are skipping a couple of steps here; I’m pretty sure there are some options in between dating and being married with kids you could look into. Also, she’s just assuming that this is what Peeta wants, but she doesn’t know that at all - As someone who also has this stupid habit of imagining how whole conversations could possibly transpire and then resigning myself to the hypothetical outcome of said imagined conversation instead of actually having them: Don’t do that. ‘Never assume - it makes an ASS out of U and ME.’ 

I see Peeta extend his hand. I look at him, unsure. “One more time? For the audience?” he says. His voice isn’ t angry. It’s hollow, which is worse. Already the boy with the bread is slipping away from me. I take his hand, holding it tightly, preparing for the cameras, and dreading the moment when I will finally have to let go. - Ma babies! They are both so hurt and both just want to be with each other 😭 But they’ll need some time apart, to figure things out before they can do that.

[joshslater]

Twitching

Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

To my surprise people keep joining the stream. Usually it was only my friends and occasionally someone random that watched me play. Space strategy games are not the most audience-friendly. They require you to know a lot about the game mechanics, and they take a long while to play through a full campaign. But all my mates know the game, and are just here to socialize and sometimes provide a tip.

This evening is different though. It had started with some "Lucy333" joining what must have been almost an hour ago. More than 30 minutes for sure. But over the past 10 minutes I've gotten 12 more viewers I think. Suddenly there is a coin sound effect and the chat stream lights up with a donation. $2 from Lucy333 and the text "Hey, spaceboy! Take your shirt off!"

I can instantly feel myself blushing. I'm flattered for a few milliseconds. I'm aware of the streams with girls showing lots of skin to get donations. I've never watched any of them. I'm not even aware of any with boys in them, but I know they exist. "Thanks for the donation, Lucy. This isn't that kind of stream though, clearly." I'm just playing for my mates when we don't feel like meeting up or doing something else. And I know I'm not a looker, though not shockingly ugly like Pete. Honestly, if there wasn't a pandemic going on we would probably do exactly the same thing anyway, playing space strategy and talk Marvel.

There is a flurry of responses from the newcomers in the chat. "Do it! Do it!" says one Donnatrix. "It could be that kind of stream," says fluffy2000. Soon my mates start cheering on as well. It basically turns into a dare. I'm not proud of my body, but I'm not ashamed of it either. It just is. Fuck it. I don't know what I'm going to be teased for more, if I take my shirt off, or if I don't. I reckon if I do what they ask for they have less ground to stand on. I set the game speed to low, say "Ok then", take off my headset, and pull off my T-shirt.

I'm met with a torrent of cheers in the chat. "Now it is that kind of stream," says fluffy. Donnatrix drops $5 and the comment "YAAAASSS". It feels weird. I can't decide if this is a group of sorority girls that randomly and sarcastically sexualize nerds, or if they are genuinely supportive.

"Thank y'all. Now back to trade route 14 to Zephyr-C". My emissary mission hasn't moved far at this speed. I'm about to increase the in-game speed when I get another $2 donation from Lucy. "Spaceboy, keep the game in slow mode and jump over to Heavenly Bodies."

I have no idea what she is talking about, if she even is a she. Her message is instantly met with a wave of support from the other newcomers. At this game speed it would take hours before I need to take any action, and I'm already up a Whopper meal without having done anything, so I reckon I can play whatever they want me to play for a while. Who knew I was that easily bought? "I don't know what that is," I say into my headset.

A few seconds later Lucy sends me a private message with a TinyURL. "This better not mess with my game rig. If it's porn I'll switch back to the game." I say. "It could be that kind of stream too." fluffy offers in the chat. "He could use some porn tbh" my friend Mike responds. I click the link.

The browser loads something that looks like a web game. It's a character creation screen with a faceless, very neutral model on the screen. Looks like those posable figures you use when learning to draw. There are no controls, except a set of buttons that offers you to upload settings, import from Facebook, and similar. I click the Facebook one, click a few approvals, and a progress bar that only lasts a few seconds appears. When it is gone there is a 3D model of me on the screen. "Wow! This looks just like me." Whatever AI they have combing through my online photos managed to get almost everything right. I'm wearing some sort of speedos, but I don't own any, so that part was a miss, but the model looks spot on. "Whatever else they have in the game, I don't think they are going to top this."

A long list of sliders and customizations appear on the screen. It looks like an incredibly detailed character creation screen. I try moving the height controller and is met with a message box saying I'm out of credits, and that I need $10,000 to change my height to whatever I moved it to. Clearly not real money. "I can't change anything". Lucy responded I need to share it. I exit fullscreen on the game and move the browser over to my other screen so everyone on the stream can see. "No, you need to click the share button in the UI and post the link in the chat", Donnatrix writes.

A big gift-wrapped box appears in the corner of the game window. I click it and it presents the text "Hair color and style" with bold letters and below that a text message from Lucy "I think this will be cute on you." I click accept and the 3D model is updated with new hair. It's dark blonde or whatever the oxymoronic name is for it, instead of my usual rat brown hair. It's short on the sides and on top is a big swooping quiff. It looks utterly silly. "Thanks, nice one," I tell the stream. I see a lot of cheers coming in the chat, but I'm a bit perplexed about the "OMYFUCKING GDO!" from Mike. It's just silly hair.

Immediately a new gift box appears on the screen, and soon after a (2) is added on top of it, possibly indicating two gifts waiting. I find it a little bit cute that these girls are essentially playing with paper dolls, but digitally and modeled after someone real. I open the next gift, "Facial Features" from Julia_Awesome. I click accept again, and the doll on the screen is updated. Weirdly it felt like a flash of heat hit me, like those flame effects on concerts. The doll still looks like me, but pretty fictionalized. The face is much sharper, not just less fat, but probably also some bone structure changes as well. It's equally interesting and disheartening, like one of those really good mobile phone filter apps that makes you into a photo model. Makes you understand how unobtainable the Men's Health cover look really is. "Thank you, Julia, but I'm not sure about this look."

I'm ignoring the chat, though I see it is going bananas. I'll have to read that later when the stream is over. I open the next box. Another two has already arrived. This gift is from Donnatrix and is "Core Body", whatever that means. It feels like a gut punch. Perhaps not that, because it doesn't hurt, but it knocks the air out of me. Almost made me fall out of the chair. I'm confused about what is actually happening though because things don't make sense. My body looks deformed. It takes a moment before my brain stops associating what I see with HR Geiger's nightmarish paintings and start to understand what I really see. My body is suddenly a lot leaner and a hell of a lot more stacked than before. Proper abs muscles like a pan of Hawaii rolls.

I look up at the main screen for the first time in what feels like an eternity. The model on the screen looks ripped as well. How stupid can one person be? I turn to the side monitor and look at the window from the webcam. It's me, all new muscles, strong jaw, and a silly quiff on top.

"Hold up! Hold up! Hold up! This is insane! This isn't possible."

"lol, of course not" I see moving by in the chat. I go back to the program. Four more gifts waiting. I look at the model on the screen. I look at the webcam view. "Arms" says the next gift with the text "Promise to flex for me." Well, fuck Zephyr-C and trade route 14.

[ji-yaaan]

𝓗𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓣𝓲𝓶𝓮~

With: Leona, Sebek, Jade, Floyd, Vil, Kalim

Warning: So I know that what I made is really annoying for others... so I'd like to warn you that at the beginning, you will see me ramble about the character's hands. If you want to skip to the hc, go to where the 🤝 emoji is. ^~^

Note:Also, I’d like to address that I do not know how to make Headcanons for the life of me.... So this is just me making a shameless hc, with my shameless hand addiction, fueling my shamelessness, as I shamefully self insert myself in these things I wrote... Forgive me for my shamelessness.... Also, pardon me for my annoying commentary and emojis. I simply do not know how to control my excitement and my feelings so😔👊

AND YES! I THINK THIS IS A CRACK HC LOL!

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR:

-I'd like to break the silence by saying... LEONA'S HANDS ARE BIG AND MUSCULAR! Leona works out in magift so it's a given that he'd have scrumptious big hands😳😳😳

-Leona's hands are chonky😳 he has long fingers that will surely make yours look very small! Also look at Leona's nails! Its ok looking for me, but it's pretty neat so👌👌👌👌

-Leona's got this rough and rugged look, so I think his hands will probably be kinda rough, BUT NOT THE CRUSTY ROUGH! it's more of the manly rough. A firm hold with his loaded wrist😏

Ok curious what will happen if you hold hands? I gotchu fam:🤝

-Imagine if the both of you were napping and you suddenly intertwined you fingers with his. Leona is a sleepy boi, BUT MAN! HE IS AWARE! Lion boi felt ur hands creeping unto his, but he'll pretend he didn't know that😏

-Leona LOVES holding hands! Only at private tho. This cat boy will never admit to that, but keep holding his hands and look at his reaction. He. Won't. Shrug. You. Off.😏😏👊

-Also when you play and fidget with leona's hands when you're doing premarital hand holding which is illegal btw he loves it when he looks at you spaced out fumbling your fingers with his.

-Leona has big hands, so he'll definitely make yours look wayyyyy smaller. AND LION BOI FINDS THIS ADORABLE! DO NOT FORGET THY HOLY WORDS!

-Lion boi is secretly the type to hold your hands when you're sleeping. He plays with your fingers, admiring how cute and small it is.

-Oh wait...Oops...he got caught... LEONA IS CAUGHT RED HANDED?😳 You wake up finding leona playing with your hands? It's either he turns on his back from embarrasment and tells you to sleep, or he squeezes your hands tighter and burries your face in the crook of his neck from embarrassment. He'll play it off as annoyed, but cat got his toungue huh?. Oh wait.... He IS the big cat😏😏😏

Ok enough babbling with leona...

SEBEK ZIGVOLT:

AHAHAHAHAHA YES MY FAVORITE HANDS! Cough, I'm sorry about that

-Sebek has proportional hands. His is more on the medium-big side. But it is perfectly proportional! At least in my eyes...😳

-The back of his hands are smooth and spotless! Very scumptious to look at! Pls look at sebek's hands too!😳😳😳

-Bebek has PRETTY NAILS UGHHH! He most likely trims and takes care of it every week! Not the best nails, BUT VERY NEAT!😳

-Bebek is a highkey fanboy of malleus, so he trains everyday to protecc his God and saviour Malmal. Naturally, he'll have calloused and rough hands... BUT DO NOT FRET MY CHILDREN! It is not that noticable which shookt me. His hands are a bit roughed up, welp can't help it, he's a man with mang jobs after all. (Yes, I call him bebek because sebek is babey🥺)

Curious what will happend if you hold hands with Bebek? I gotchu fam:🤝

-Sebek is a child so he won't really initiate first on holding hands. BUT WHEN YOU DO! OH BOI!😏 

-Sebek has this transparent look to his skin... Almost ghostly per say. BUT WHEN YOU HOLD HIS HANDS... Sebek is not used to this interaction so expect a tomato in front of you... Sebek's face is flushed red reaching down to his neck, and the fun part is, even his hands are blushy blushy😏😏😏😏

-After the first time the both of you held hands. Sebek will crave for it A LOT! Expect him to randomly start akwardly making way to you hands and play with it while the both of you are just chilling. Akward..... Sebek.exe will stop working when you look at him confuse, in which he'll get flustered, and ask if he can hold your hands. ADORKABLE!

-It would take him some time trying to calm himself down, all flushed and red embarrased from asking to hold hands.

-At first, Sebek will firmly hold your hands, stiff and afraid he might break your fingers or something.... Pls tell him to relax and just chill🥺🥺🥺

-When the both of you gets used to hand holding, Bebek is the type to kiss your hands as a gesture of Love....hgnnn hot!😳😳😳

I'm sorry, I'm letting my personal hand bias get the best of me..😳👉👈

JADE LEECH:

-HGNNN JADE HAS SQUISHY HANDS!😳😳

-Jade has big hands folks.... Big hands..... Perfect for unscrewing the cap of the holy water bottle.🤠

-mushroom boi has squishable hands in my eyes and you can never change my mind.

-his skin is probably smooth and sleek too, his palms must be soft but firm😳😳

-Jade has this grip that makes you feel safe for some reason. Maybe because it's big? or maybe because it's soft?

Wanna know what it's like to hold hands with mushroom boi? I gotchu:🤝

-Jade...oh Jade.... He is the first one to hold your hands in a surprise. Like... imagine after school ends, you ran up to him and he swiftly intertwines his firngers with yours..😳😳

-You are flushed from this sudden hand holding. Red cheeks, red neck. JADE FINDS THIS VERY SCRUMPTIOUS! Mushroom boi will try to push you on edge. Holding both of your hands tighter, and fumbling his fingers with yours. You're just standing there starstruck and embarrased by the sudden hold. Jade is enjoying this too much...😏😏😏

-Of course, to add more to the fun, JADE IS THE TYPE TO KISS THE BACK OF YOUR HANDS TO TEASE YOU!😳

-if you try to pull away from embarrassment...oh no.... You're just begging for Jade to tease you more huh? He'll hold you tighter and maybe even hug you.

-What if you try to hold his hands first? Oh my... Prepare yourself....if you try to hold his hands, he'll just smile like normal, but as time passes by and both of you are pretty relaxed now...that won't do.... He'd pull your hand he's holding and rest his cheeks at the back of your hand, he'd stare straight at you and tell you how much he loves you....😳😳😳

-goodluck on dealing with embarassment Jade stans (oho i know you love it)

FLOYD LEECH:

-ANOTHER EEL BOI COMING RIGHT UP!

-Floyd is whooping 191cm, it's common sense he has very big hands. Perfect for flipping the pages of the holy bible.😏😏😏

-This man child has some big rough hands! Expect your hands to look very small beside his!

- Also I want to tell you about Floyd's knuckles......I think I found my new religion now... Check out Floyd's knuckles!!😳😳😳👌

- Floyds's wrist is big too....mhmmm scrumptious eel martini😳👌

Do you want to know what it feels like to do premarital hand holding with this hot eel? ME TOO! Illegal hand holding time!🤝

-"Your hands are tiny koebi chan~" Floyd is the first one to randomly hold ur hands.😳

-If Floyd gets bored, he'd try to find interesting things to do to kill of the boredom. HMMM?! Do you see that? Koebi chan's hands! Eel boi will casually start playing with your fingers, squishing your palms as you sit there confused and embarrassed.

-He'll eventually intertwine his fingers with yours, as he points to it with his other hands and say "How cute~ koebi chan's hands are tiny!" Grinning widely with his teeth showing. Practically speaking, you are just putty in this eel boi's hands now. You are a blushing mess.😏😏 FLOYD HOW CAN ONE BE CUTE AND HOT AT THE SAME TIME?

-Eventually, floyd will start to crave having your fingers to hold on to! When you're randomly walking down the halls, don't be surprised if a random eel surprises you by linking your fingers together.🥺🥺

-Whenever eel boi sees you, he'd grab your hands automatically. He loves holding your teeny tiny hands with his big ones.😳

-When you avert your attention to something else, he made this habit of squeezing your hands a bit and looking at you with a pouty face. UGHHH MY HEART HURTS THINKING ABOUT IT-

-Whenever he gets jealous, he grabs unto your hands quite tightly, even if the both of you are out in public. Let's say a random dude keeps on talking to you. He'll grab your hands that’s still intertwined with his, and he'll bring it very very VERY CLOSE to his face.😳😳😳 Then he'd look at you straight in the eye as he bites unto your palms. He'd whisper "You're mine right? Koebi-chan~"😳😳😳

I'm getting too much into floyd, this is starting to become a fanfic🤦

VIL SCHOENHEIT:

-MY CRUSTY VILL~🥺🥺🥺

-Ok vil's hands aren't crusty ok? He may be crusty, but not his hands!!!

-My man vil drowns in hand creams, so expect his hands to feel like clouds. It's soft, smooth and most importantly SQUISHYYY!😳😳😳

-Looking at vil's hands is not that exciting ngl... BUT HIS LAB COAT ONE IS👌 very beautiful👌very scrumptious👌

-Vil has proportional and perfect hands. Fingers are in the medium side, so as his hand size. Very perfect indeed.

-His hands might look frail and feminine at first, BUT MAN! You are so wrong! From a gentle hold, it can escalate to a very strong hot grip in seconds.😳

-The back of his hands looks smooth tbvh. And his nails are ok. BUT HE PROBABLY PUTS A LOT OF EFFORT IN MAKING HIS HANDS PERFECT! SO KUDOS TO MY CRUSTY VIL!🥺

Let's hold Vil's hands illegally ok? Don't tell the cops shhhhh! Hand holding time:🤝

-It would start off as a normal vibing session. The both of you are probably having tea, studying, or mainly just chilling in the lounge.

-But suddenly... Vil takes notice of your hands...Hold your wigs kids.... he'd ask you if you've been taking care of your hands, in which you answer "no" shamefully.

-But Vil will then smile at you and tell you you should take care of your hands and use hand creams to prevent them from going rough! He'll lecture you about how you should take care of yourself so the both of you can be perfect and beautiful together.

-Suddenly vil whips out a handcream from his bag, and he'll ask you for your hands.

-As embarrasing as it sounds. The most beautiful man in twisted wonderland is putting handcream on you.😳😳😳

-Vil would definitely massage your small fingers and compliment how pretty your hands are. He'd tell you how cute your nail are and how soft your palms are. Thats it. You're a blushing mess right now!!😳😳

-You'd try to look away from embarrasment, but when vil sees this... Oh boy... He'd pout, and as he's massaging your hands. He'd intertwine your fingers with his, to make you look at his direction again.

-Vil would definitely kiss your fingers and say "You're beautiful, my love."

VIL I LOVE YOU! ok thats all for that, I'm dying rn.

KALIM AL-ASIM:

-Kalim you adorkable sunshine boi😳😳😳

- Kalim has smol hands, BUT NOT TOO SMALL! I'd say, it's probably perfect for you to hold hands with.😏😏😏

-His nails are also small, I think? But it's cute, and turns out i'm a sucker for cuties.🥺

-His lab card is scrumptious.... Both the hands and the food he is cooking...😳😳😳 I hope i'm not the only one who thinks that.....

-ALSO HE HAS A LOT OF ACCESSORIES IN HIS HANDS WHICH I'M WEAK FOR! omg his bracelets and bangles are making me feel hot and bothered.😳😳😳

-Anyways, kalim is sunshine so expect his hands to be warm and full of infectious positivity.🥺

Wanna have a chance to hold kalim's hands? Ur in for a ride fam!🤝

-At first, you's simply be invited for a flying carpet ride by ya sunshine boi, kalim. Pretty simple huh? Nahhhhh! 

-Of course, in order to get to the carpet where kalim is, sunshine boi needs to lift you up in the air.

-Kalim will offer his hands whilst riding on the carpet. Hggnnn such a cliche scene from a movie🥺👌

-But the thing is...... Even if you're already in the magic carpet, sunshine boi will forget he was holding your hands...😏

-He'll keep on telling fun stories and talking to you while both of you are high up in the clouds. Oops.... You noticed you're holding kalim's hands... You went red and flushed from embarrasment. Your hands begin to get sweaty as you stare at the both of yours and kalim's hands together...

-Expect your sunshine boi to take notice of this and ask you what's wrong... You'd point at his hands embarrasingly as you look away in the other direction.

-To your surprise, when you look at kalim again. Kalim is beet red too! A BEET RED KALIM IS RARE! DO NOT FORGET THIS MOMENT GAMERS!🥺🥺🥺

-He'd ask you if it's ok to hold onto your hands maybe just a little bit more???? It's not a sin to ask for more right?😏

-Kalim lets go of your hands for a moment. BUT DONT WORRY! he'll just try to properly hold your hands this time! He'll intertwine his fingers with yours, and maybe lightly squeeze it too.😳

-After this brief akward moment, Kalim goes back to his sunshine tendencies. Smiling brightly like the sun he is🥺🥺🥺

-When your night ride is over PLS DONT LET GO OF KALIM'S HANDS YET! he'll be a bit sad if you do😔👊

-But when the both of you lands on the ground...Kalim would grab the both your hands, and put them both on his cheek.He'd intertwine his fingers with yours from the back of your hands and the both of you probably just wants to melt then and there.

-He'll tell you "please dont go yet!" KALIM UR SO ADORABLE! PLS HUG KALIM!🥺👊

The End ^~^

I just babbled about my hand worshipping tendencies all throughout this headcanon... I'm sorry about that pls. stone me gently for I have sinned....

Tags: @muraenxdae You're the one who suggested this, take responsibility.... @cursedtwst let's lick their hands together ok? @edgymcmytrash u said u wanna be tagged? SUFFER! @nightingale-oath let's be shameless together ok?😳👉👈

[rfadaydreaming]

the rfa playing minecraft

oh the chaos a mysme minecraft server would bring ♡

jumin

• does not know how to move in any direction except straight

• keeps falling into caves because he just… walks

• stands there in the dark for a few seconds to process what happened

• “the game broke, i cannot see”

• yoosung is like wtf how is it broken

• cave noises start to happen

• “h elp”

• seven has to track him down and it takes absolutely forever just because jumin does not know where he is… not even a hint... he was just walking around

• finally seven finds him and brings him up with a fishing pole, but when he finally gets him up, they both get blown up by a creeper

• “i don’t like this game very much.”

• has a house with v because there’s no way in hell he’s about to share a home with zen

• their house is actually so cute, modern on the outside but super cozy and cute on the inside

• here’s some reference pictures of what i think their house would look like !! starter home / end game home

• his room is so naked omg v comes in and adds a desk, some pictures, plants, just to make it more homey

• has so many cats to the point where it lags HEAVILY when you enter his room, it’s just a giant barrage of meows

• his playstyle is fishing, taming cats, naming cats, fishing again

• he gets lost in the boats so much though, you have to come save him because he’s stranded in the middle of the ocean

• you show up and there’s a cow stuck in the back of his boat, he’s starving to death, the phantom is killing him

• but the nice part about fishing all the time is he gets really good loot and enchantments so he’ll give them to whoever wants them since… well he doesn’t really need them

• except zen omg he gives him like. chain link boots, seaweed, paper

• zen breaks into his room and takes whatever he wants though because jumin doesn't know how to make a locked chest

• he’s honestly just here for the vibes, he’ll lay on his bed even when no one else is sleeping and listen to what everyone’s talking about in the voice chat

• you cannot even see him on his bed because it’s just a sea of cats + a drop in frame rate the second you open up his door

zen

• he’s so bad with technology so he has to read the tutorial like three times before he plays

• takes awhile to get used to the controls so he’ll stop walking, jump over a block, pause, keep on walking

• it’s cute to watch actually

• he follows everyone else around and likes to pretend he knows what he’s doing? but really doesn’t

• beats the shit out of jumin for just existing

• gets stuck in a village well and silently flips out because he’s too embarrassed to ask for help

• jumin finds him and they just stare at each other in silence… jumin figures out how to hit him one singular time before running away

• he lives in a dirt home with the green top for so long it’s actually embarrassing

• inside is just a torch, furnace, crafting table, basic bed and chest literally just a straight mans home

• it’s so ugly

• v tries to spruce it up a little because he just does not like to look at it… every time he walks by he gets the ick

• jaehee eventually adopts him out of pity and they live together, but she has to do all the hard work

• their house looks like this

• he mooches so hard oh my god she’ll spend an entire day cycle mining only for him to take all the iron and make himself a silly little outfit

• she never complains though because he’s really appreciative about it

• will give her little flowers in exchange for outfit materials

• and of course gives you flowers just because you’re you

• leaves them in a pot in your room with a sign that has a little winky face

• is always changing his clothes, every time he wakes up he changes into something different

• jaehee works so hard to find diamonds for him so he can be the first to have some diamond armor

• seven kills him the second he steps out of his house and snatches it from his dead corpse

• zen’s playstyle is just following everyone else around and pretending to help but he doesn’t do much, being sweet to jaehee and you, annoying jumin

• he gets bored easily so he doesn’t play for very long :( also gets mad at jumin and rage quits omg

yoosung

• absolutely loves minecraft and he’s been playing for years, he’s really good at it!!

• so sweet and fun to play with hehe he’s like the cheery little team leader

• helps everyone get settled and works hard to make sure the newbies have a nice amount of starter materials

• even if they die and lose them all he’s like “oh that’s okay don’t sweat it you guys!!” and runs to get them new stuff

• hums to the music while he’s playing, always updates people on what he’s doing and asks if anyone needs anything

• a man on a mission, gets to work on gathering materials with jaehee the second the game loads in, knows exactly what he’s doing

• he’ll move fast to make a quick little community house for everyone to sleep in for the night

• doesn’t like the day one dirt homes it gives him anxiety

• it’s a little small but cozy!! makes everyone a chest and puts a sign above it with their name on it

• adds a “:D” at the end of everyone’s names on the signs, but a “♡” to your name only!!

• zen goes off and makes his gross little dirt house because he doesn’t wanna sleep next to jumin

• he ends up just expanding off the community house once everyone leaves and lives solo with his little parrots

• unless you want to join him!! go ahead he’d love the company

• so nervous in caves and will only go into the shallow parts where the sun still hits, a very silent miner because he’s concentrating

• he’ll go deeper into mines when seven and saeran are with him but he almost pees his pants when the cave noises start to play

• gets startled so easily and screams whenever something happens, it's so loud that the mic automatically cuts it off– so you hear 0.2 seconds of a scream, dead silence, then suddenly “yoosung fell from a high place” it’s so funny

• 9 times out of 10 seven pushed him off too

• takes it seriously, wants to play until the end of the game but everyone else is busy running around with gremlin energy

• his playstyle is a little bit of everything, he’s not a bad builder but he doesn’t spend too much time on it. goal for him is survival and exploration

• if anyone needs anything he’ll run to get it without a second thought doesn’t get the appreciation he deserves >:(

• seven picks on him so much oh my god, once he asked him to come help mine diamonds but actually pushed him into lava and yoosung started to cry

• everyone made seven feel kind of bad for it so he apologized with a full set of diamond armor, tools, flowers and a cake… it still hurt though

jaehee

• minecraft queen

• plays by herself a lot, the music, building on peaceful mode, all the alone time she gets

• loves it a lot actually, especially after a hard day at work

• but she gets so stressed out playing with everyone else

• it’s kinda bad for her health

• sighs into the mic whenever someone’s acting like an absolute fool

• tolerates no bullshit

• do not hit her. not even by accident. do not do it

• it’s so tense, she slowly turns around stares at them for what seems like forever it’s actually so scary

• only you’re allowed to hit her because for the two of you it’s not a smack, it’s a boop

• she does it back too

• “boop!” with a cute little giggle afterwards

• instantly goes to get the basics set up when the game loads in, sticks with yoosung in the beginning to get a bunch of starter materials gathered together

• is always running around doing something but no one knows exactly what because she doesn’t share. she is doing something though, a very productive crafter

• she has never died, ever. probably the highest level here out of anyone else

• the resident necessity provider, will throw you stacks of bread exactly when you need some, it’s like a 6th sense

• has basic mining chests set up for everyone to take from if they want to, so torches, food, tools, dirt, armor etc

• she really likes to decorate more than build, but she’s still really good at it!

• loves designing up floor plans

• not the best at adding the little details though

• her homes always look kinda square so v helps her out with that

• she organizes other people’s chests because she just hates how messy it looks, seven gives her so much anxiety especially

• she’s always cleaning up after him and shutting his doors since he leaves them open constantly

• her play style is a little bit of everything, not afraid of the caves whatsoever so she’ll mine if no one else wants to do it

• you can usually find her decorating though

• spends so much time making a cute little kitchen in her house especially

• a “coffee machine” is definitely a must in her house, also has a really pretty and huge bedroom

• white concrete and dark wood slabs, her house looks so lovely

• decorates zens room for him too

• she doesn’t talk much in the voice chat when jumin’s in there because she doesn’t wanna get fired

• likes to come into peoples houses and jump around a few times to say hi before running off again

• her and zen throw flowers back and forth to each other while crouching up and down like a couple of nerds ♡

seven

• the second the game loads he is off to the races, he is gone baby!! no one knows what he’s doing but everyone knows he fears nothing so it must be exciting

• “GOD707 was slain by enderdragon”

• we’ve been in the game for an hour max how did he- nvm don’t question it

• he’ll randomly show up to the community house out of nowhere, do a few random things here and there, leave again for a few days

• comes back on a skeleton horse, enchanted diamond armor, a fleet of dogs, elytra, the wandering trader enslaved on a lead

• saeran follows him around most of the time so they’ll usually be off doing something together

• seven dies so much omg every five minutes there’s a death message in the chat

• if you manage to track him down you find that he is living absolutely lavish

• has so many bases scattered around like this, this, or this

• spends a lot of time building once everyone else goes offline, does not sleep until his base is done and he’s actually an amazing builder

• v loves to go around in his bases and just gawk

• he does not decorate whatsoever, that's for saeran to do! jaehee comes and organizes because he just throws everything into a chest and leaves

• his playstyle is chaotic horrifying, he does a bit of everything but the main goal is to get to the void and beat the ender dragon with his bare hands, he wants to become god

• never shuts his doors so there’s just big creeper explosion holes in his home that he’s too lazy to fix, claims it adds ~character~

• he loves spelunking so you can find him running around in caves most of the time, there is no fear in this man's soul whatsoever, loves battle and fighting mobs, insults them most of the time while killing them

• throws his diamond armor into lava just for the funsies, always parkouring in caves, you will get so much anxiety being around him

• sometimes mimics the cave noises just to scare yoosung

• burns down villages, starts random fires, jumps into holes, beats up any animal he sees

• sometimes he comes in to hit jumin’s cats just to hear him raise his voice a little and be like “Hey!” it’s really funny but annoys jumin

• he edges the creepers omg gets them to the point where they almost blow up but backs up before they actually do

• redstone master!! builds so many insane things out of it, has an entire theme park dedicated to himself, definitely has a torture room somewhere in his mansion

• he’s always joking around with everyone, especially with you

• “hey mc, hold this for me?”

• he slowly gets real close to you until your hands are touching and your heads are almost morphing into each other

• “bro... are we ab to kiss rn...”

• will come into your bedroom when everyone’s asleep does NOT knock first this man barges right in and stands over your bed, silent for a few seconds before suddenly tossing hundreds of diamonds down on you, throws back some ass a few times before running off once again

• hits people for absolutely no reason and yes he will hit with the intention to kill

• “no swearing in my christian minecraft server”

v

• gets motion sick at video games usually but he actually really likes minecraft!!

• a complete dad so he takes a little bit getting used to the controls but warms up quick

• don’t you dare hit him. that’s evil. he’s like “woah!! something just happened, i got attacked out of nowhere!! we have to be more careful you guys!”

• he’s genuinely so confused and concerned for everyone’s safety

• adores building so much, not just houses but also little structures here and there

• he’ll make greenhouses, vineyards, beach homes, treehouses, statues

• villages get completely revamped if he thinks they’re ugly which most of the time, he does

• his playstyle is completely just building and decorating, sometimes he’ll send jumin out for supplies but it ends badly most of the time

• aka jumin gets lost and/or dies

• he helps build everyone their own little structures so jumin gets a luxury cat mansion, zen gets a shrine dedicated to himself, yoosung gets a stage for his parrots to dance on, jaehee gets a coffee shop in the village, seven gets a giant ph pepper statue, saeran gets a sunflower farm all to himself, and of course you get whatever you want! omg he’d make you a heart shaped nether portal

• he’ll help when he’s needed but he doesn’t really play, he just builds

• everyone brings their spare materials to him if they don’t need them, yoosung and saeran help him farm for stuff if he needs something in particular

• really loves giving house tours when he’s done with a build and it is the cutest thing in the entire world

• he is just so insanely giddy and excited as he shows off all the little details, you can hear the smile in his voice

• everyone validates him and matches his energy too it’s so sweet :’)

• he’s always complimenting everyone on anything and everything they do

• “look at you, finding diamonds! good job!”

• “this house is so very lovely, i love the warm energy it brings.”

• he likes to wander around and find white cats for jumin to tame

• on the rare occasion he comes caving, he’s always the little cheerleader for everyone else of course

• “good luck down here everyone, please stay safe and call out if you need anything. we’re all here to help each other, alright?”

• two seconds later yoosungs drowning in lava, seven is mining bedrock, jumin is being shot by a skeleton, jaehee is fighting off a mob spawner, zen is lost, saeran is riding minecarts around

saeran

• he’s pretty quiet while he plays so no one ever knows what exactly he’s up to, he’s just shy

• picks flower fields absolutely clean, not a singular flower in sight, only if he finds a beehive somewhere then he’ll leave some for them

• has a lot of dye because of that, resident banner creator!!! he’ll make anything that you’d like

• he follows people around– especially seven, and just goes with the flow of whatever they’re up to, chaotic or not

• sometimes you think he’s afk so you just stop and stare at him but then he moves and you jump a little

• yoosung and him will just spam crouch for minutes on end together when they’re bored

• by himself a lot of the time, you can find him playing with some turtles on the beach somewhere or planting flowers

• builds a lot on his own solo server, but doesn’t really like to in the main one because he gets insecure comparing it to v’s and seven’s work.

• he does have his own little house away from seven’s mansion basement though

• if you come in and start complimenting it he gets so shy and blushy

• “thanks… it’s not that impressive i just whipped it up really quick…”

• seven knowing damn well that house took him several hours: 👁_👁

• he hits people to get their attention and then crouches all guiltily when they turn around, throws them a quick little flower before running off

• he has a ton of pink sheep collected outside his house, an army of jebs live in his basement

• his playstyle is just doing whatever he feels like. sometimes he’s getting materials for everyone, other times he’s just sliding around on ice with the polar bears for awhile

• he likes enchanting potions and that kind of stuff

• smacks seven with random potions like slowness, fire, poison

• had a pet fish in a little aquarium at his place, one day it despawned and he nearly burnt down his whole house from being so upset

• still convinced seven killed him

• he doesn’t get scared from the mines

• the nether though is is a different story, it’s terrifying to him

• especially ghasts and the sounds they make. will not go in there unless you are and you beg him to hold your hand or something

• has secret little minecraft pinterest boards full of silly statues and stuff that he likes to build around randomly

• blames herobrine for all of them which scares yoosung

mc (hey thats you!!!)

• jumin lets you name his cats, dye their collars, anything you want even if it’s silly. if you have your own cats then sometimes he brings his favorites over and they have little baby kittens together, you both spam crouch and jump around afterwards from the excitement of it all. don’t worry he pays child support !! you don’t know where he got diamonds but. you’ll take them anyways

• zen brings you random little presents that he thinks are super useful but… are not. you don’t have the heart to tell him that though. thinks spider eye is like the rarest thing in the entire game, secretly comes in to give them to you and message you something like “shh… keep it secret jagiya~ ;)” it’s the thought that counts

• yoosung is always so sweet with everything he does, he’ll bring you any sort of materials, tools. anything you need it’s yours. once he ran in front of you to take the hit from a poison spider when you know he’s absolutely terrified of them so you could get away safely. he tries his best to be brave for you <3

• jaehee invites you to her kitchen for taste testing, you’ll come in and try all the lil cakes she has sitting out while giving your feedback on all them in detail. mm yes very good, love the electric taste of the pixels in this one! finally she’ll be like wtf are we doing

• seven surprises you by making a cute little heart shape out of redstone, you press a button and it lights up red, fireworks go off, he’s jumping around throwing flowers and diamonds at you. he’ll put a sign down that says “will you… put your minecraft bed next to mine?”

• v is constantly checking in on you, he’ll say “knock knock!” before coming into your room, you’re like hey what’s up!! he replies i missed you! i just wanted to say hi :) before leaving again, comes in every day cycle with snacks to make sure you’re eating properly of course

• saeran brings you flowers all the time, he’ll shyly sneak into your room, crouch over to the bed super slowly, suddenly start throwing stacks of flowers all over you, crouch up n down a couple of times before running for the hills. forgets to shut your door and runs back real quick to shut it before leaving again

thanks for reading! find more on my mysme masterlist ♡!

[wiifactsplus]

Note: This post is adding on to a Supper Mario Broth blog tweet. Feel free to visit the attached link to view it.

Supper Mario Broth On the My Nintendo website, the user's Mii will be engaged in a random activity on the top of the page. One of them is painting; clicking the Mii will reveal one of 8 paintings that appear with varying rarities, 5 of which are related to the Mario series.

This is not where the Mario references end in the "Mii Stage", as the My Nintendo website calls it internally. (Since I could not find this section of the My Nintendo website referring to it by any specific name elsewhere, this is what I will be calling it from now on.) There are many more to be found in the activities acted out by the Miis. Of course, it seems many qualities of My Nintendo are based off the Mario universe - the logo is shaped like Mario's hat, the platinum points have a Super Mushroom on them, and the gold points have a Super Star on them. However, the references go deeper than that.

But first, you’ll need a Mii. If you do not have a Mii in your Mii Studio, this sign will be sitting in the middle of the Mii Stage, bouncing up and down occasionally. Clicking on it takes you to my.nintendo.com/mii, which redirects to studio.mii.nintendo.com, the Mii Studio. This event is called “Mii unset”.

Here’s the full sprite, extracted from the (US English) site data:

And now, from the original tweet that sparked this post, here are all eight paintings extracted from the website data, thus being the highest quality versions of them.

Additionally, a behavior in this activity that was not mentioned by Supper Mario Broth (due to it not pertaining to any Mario reference in particular) is that while the Mii is painting, they will stop and think every three to four seconds. And once they are clicked on and present their painting, they'll assume a proud pose.

And here are the sprites extracted from the site:

As mentioned, the "easel" activity is not the only one to contain references to the Mario universe. The next one is the most interesting, known as "game". This activity has the user Mii playing a video game on one of three randomly chosen systems (technically four, as I'll explain in a moment): a NES, a SNES, or a Nintendo Switch. The game they're playing is randomly chosen depending on the system. Clicking the Mii will turn off the game, and the Mii will turn around furious until you click again to turn it back on, where the Mii will resume playing. The possible games on the NES are Super Mario Bros., Donkey Kong, and Ice Climbers.

The games on SNES are Super Mario World, Super Metroid, and Super Mario Kart.

The Nintendo Switch only has one game, Splatoon 2, and unlike the other games, the image on the screen isn't a regular in-game screenshot, but a promotional screenshot for the game.

Unfortunately, due to how the files work for this event, I can not be sure there isn't some extremely rare game I simply haven't come across yet. However, I can say that I spent a good few hours refreshing the page and didn't come across any more, so I believe it's safe to say there aren't any.

Now, 7 games may seem like an odd number, but in fact, there are 10. Take a look at the extracted sprites here.

Notice how you can see all the available systems here - the NES, SNES, Switch, and one more: the Famicom. The images that appear on the Famicom's screen are exactly the same as the NES ones, but are still stored as separate images, bringing the total to a round 10. If you live outside of Japan, you will likely never encounter the Famicom sprites. They only appear when you're logging in from Japan, and the NES ones will then also not show up any longer. However, I am based in the US, and couldn't get these sprites to load. This isn't the first time Nintendo has done this NES/Famicom location-based swap, either. It's happened many times before, even in Wii Music with the NES horn instrument. Instead, an anonymous user was able to help collect screenshots of the Famicom using CPU Mii Abby.

Next is the balloon activity. Here, the user Mii will be tied to three balloons, and flailing in a panic.

Clicking them once will pop the blue balloon, clicking them a second time will pop the red balloon, and clicking a third time will pop the yellow balloon, and the Mii will fall. Once it lands, it will strike a landing pose.

However, on a rare occasion, the yellow balloon will be replaced with a Boo enemy.

The first two balloons will function normally, but clicking on the Boo will instead make it fade and float away instead of pop.

Another rare event can happen once per day. Similar to the Boo, the yellow balloon will be replaced with a platinum point balloon, along with a thought bubble containing a platinum coin, and popping it will reward the user some platinum points.

However, whenever they land, they will instead strike a different pose, and hold a platinum coin.

The stage will then fade to white and the user will be rewarded with 10 platinum points. Here’s the extracted sprites:

Next, we have the fishing activity. Sometimes when this is encountered, the user Mii will have a thought bubble with a platinum point inside.

Though most of the time, the Mii will not have the thought bubble.

Every now and then, the user Mii will make a surprised face. If the user clicks the Mii during this time, then they will catch something.

If the user clicks the Mii any other time, the Mii will attempt to catch something anyways, but will pull up with nothing. Clicking again will make the Mii put their line back in the water.

If the Mii catches something with a thought bubble over their head, they will catch 10 Platinum Points.

Failing to nab a successful catch with the thought bubble over their head will not result in any penalty.

Any other time, a randomly selected object from these four will be caught instead. The first object is a boot.

The rest of the objects are Mario-related, starting with the Cheep Cheep enemy.

The next is the Blooper enemy.

And the last is Mario's cap.

Here's a dump of all of the sprites.

And last for Mario references, the "plant" activity. This one contains the rarest event of them all, along with a Pikmin reference. The most common event for this activity is a basic looking plant.

You can click on the user Mii to water the plant as many times as you'd like, but nothing will happen. The plant will just bounce in a small animation.

Here are all of the normal plant's sprites in its animations.

A rarer event can occur in this activity where instead of a basic-looking plant, a red Pikmin head will appear instead.

Like the plant, you can water the Pikmin as many times as you'd like. However, whenever you water it, it will peek its head out for a bit, also spraying some dirt particles.

Here are all of the Pikmin's sprites in its animations.

And lastly, the rarest event I've seen in the Mii Stage.

This plant may appear empty, but once you water it...

...a vine from Super Mario Bros. will sprout out from the pot, and won't stop until it's off the top of the screen.

Here is the image used for the vine.

And here is a dump of all of the other sprites in this activity.

But we've made it this far. Why stop at the activities with Mario references and just talk about all of the Mii Stage activities? There's only three left, so let's get through them!

In this activity, your Mii will appear holding either a red or black 3DS. Clicking them will cause them to disappear in a puff of smoke, and teleport somewhere else on the Stage. This is seemingly all it does.

There's this one where your Mii will appear on a ladder wiping down the gold points jar with a cloth.

Normally, your Mii will appear behind the jar, but sometimes will appear in front of the jar instead.

This activity doesn't seem to do anything, as attempting to click on your Mii will simply bring up the gold points menu as if your Mii wasn't there.

And lastly, the first activity many will see that appears weekly. The user Mii will run from the left and right sides of the screen, chasing a rolling platinum coin.

Clicking it will reward you with your weekly sign-in bonus of 30 platinum points, and the user Mii will dance in place, holding a platinum coin.

Here is a dump of all the sprites for the weekly activity, mostly consisting of Mii (female, lime green) animation poses:

And to close this lengthy post out, here are the loading sprites for the Mii Stage...

...And my recreation in .gif form.

Thank you for reading.

[stuckinakillingjar]

2021 Anime that I’ve watched + my opinion on them

Here's the link to the version from last year

So, this is the second time that I'm doing this, damn.

Before we start, here's my list of things you may want to know before reading (same as last year):

This may include spoilers, I try to avoid them. Btw don’t expect professional reviews, this is just me ranting and telling you random shit that I have to say

Anime that weren’t finished this year are not included (with that I mean two-cour Anime that start in Fall and end in Winter if I decide to watch one this year)

I took the summaries from MyAnimeList because I suck at writing coherent summaries or basically anything else by myself

For anyone that doesn't know how Anime-release seasons work: Winter (January-March), Spring (April-June), Summer (July-September), Fall (October- December)

This will probably be the longest post ever, so I’ll start with the reviews under the cut

Josee to Tora to Sakana-tachi (Fall 2020)

Movie

A youth romantic drama with themes of growing up, the story focuses on college student Tsuneo and dreamer Josee, who lives her life stuck in a wheelchair. Josee—named after the heroine in Françoise Sagan's Wonderful Clouds—spends most of her days reading and painting until by chance she encounters Tsuneo, and decides it's time to face the real world.

⭐⭐⭐

I've waited 6 months for this movie to come out with the EngSub and I was not disappointed by the quality that I expected from it. This is technically a 2020 Anime but I don't wanna edit the other list so we're just gonna go with this one.

This movie has all the standard tropes that you find in every Romance Anime. We have mass loads of drama, sad shit that hits you out of nowhere, a surprisingly good soundtrack (THEY HAD EVE ON IT I ALMOST SCREAMED), amazing art (that kinda reminded me of Horimiya), smooth animation (thx Bones) and the bonus of representation of a physically diabled main character in a wheelchair that I've never seen in an Anime before.

Unfortunately we also got the Tsundere trope which annoyed me to hell and back and a love triangle situation, or at least two people who are in love with the same dude.

The characters were really likeable, I loved everyone, even the grandmother because I understood her overprotectiveness and why she wanted Josee to stay home after all they've been through.

I enjoyed watching this movie, I even cried a little bit at the first beach scene because that moment when Tsuneo picked Josee up was just too much for my heart.

2.43: Seiin Koukou Danshi Volley-bu (Winter 2021)

Final score: 9/10

12 episodes

⭐⭐⭐

MAL Summary: Junior high school student Kimichika Haijima moves back to his hometown, Fukui, after causing trouble in the Tokyo Junior High School volleyball club. There, he is reunited with his childhood friend, Yuni Kuroba, who possesses outstanding physical abilities, but is vulnerable under pressure. Haijima, with his overwhelming passion and talent for volleyball, forms an ace combination with Kuroba.

The two enroll at Seiin High School, where they join the volleyball club. Awaiting them are the 163 cm hot-blooded captain Shinichirou Oda, the talented and sharp-tongued vice-captain Misao Aoki and his third-year pair, and second-year students, including Akito Kanno, who is always wearing long sleeves due to his allergy to sunlight.

The newborn team breaks its former shell of weakness and becomes Fukui's rising star. This is a certain team's journey to victory, with a series of fascinating rivals standing in their way.

As a big Haikyuu!! fan, someone who played volleyball herself and someone who just loves Sports Anime, I was really excited for this one! After watching the first episode, I expected it to be a bit like Hoshiai no Sora (one of my favorites please get a new season I'm begging), but in the end it didn't give me the feeling HnS does at all.

To be honest, I was pretty bored most of the time, when the other team was introduced I wasn't really focused. The game scenes were boring too, they didn't hook me in. Did anyone else notice that when the balls collided with the floor it sounded like mf bombs?? That made me laugh every time, so good job ig.

The whole thing involved a lot, and I mean A LOT of blushing, idek why. I wasn't even interested in shipping anyone, which I actually do in every Anime I watch because it's fun, but while I watched this one I just wasn't interested at all.

I remember being hyped for Haijima's VC to play against Subaru's, but then the episode ended right before they started playing and I just didn't care anymore the week after. Maybe that's just the curse of watching one episode every week.

I think that one of my biggest problems with this was that I just didn't feel connected to any of the characters, I only remember three last names of all of the characters in this show (Subaru, Haijima, Kuroba).

The artstyle wasn't outstanding or unique, but I like the colors they used (I literally can't explain what I mean, but everytime when I think about 2.43 I have to think about the color beige) and the animation in the game scenes was also very smooth.

Now let's get to the best thing about this Anime: The music.

Fuckkk the OP was sooooo good oh my god. It took me a bit to get used to the ED because I thought that the singer was singing in cursive and had to laugh, but it's really catchy. The shots of the boys in casual clothes got me though, that was great

^This dude was my FAVORITE. I don't have a reason as to why but I found him really cool from the moment I saw him.

Final score: 5/10

Jujutsu Kaisen (Fall 2020-Winter 2021)

24 episodes

⭐⭐⭐

Idly indulging in baseless paranormal activities with the Occult Club, high schooler Yuuji Itadori spends his days at either the clubroom or the hospital, where he visits his bedridden grandfather. However, this leisurely lifestyle soon takes a turn for the strange when he unknowingly encounters a cursed item. Triggering a chain of supernatural occurrences, Yuuji finds himself suddenly thrust into the world of Curses—dreadful beings formed from human malice and negativity—after swallowing the said item, revealed to be a finger belonging to the demon Sukuna Ryoumen, the "King of Curses."

Yuuji experiences first-hand the threat these Curses pose to society as he discovers his own newfound powers. Introduced to the Tokyo Metropolitan Jujutsu Technical High School, he begins to walk down a path from which he cannot return—the path of a Jujutsu sorcerer.

Fuck ok where do I start. This one is one of my favorite Anime, I literally don't have one single bad to say about this. Idk if this sounds toxic when you can't see bad things in something, but I love literally everything about this show.

Let's start with the characters: I love everyone. Fuck I adopted each and every single one of these characters. I'm not really doing a character study or something because I suck, but all of them were so interesting and cool, everyone had their own backstory about what brought them to the school, the outfits, the character design, the POWERS AGHHH. I just love all of them so much (I tried hating on Mahito but I JUST CAN'T). I'll just assume that we don't even have to talk about Gojo, that man is the prettiest and coolest motherfucker in all of JJK and 2020 Anime.

The second thing is the animation. Fuck, this right here is the good shit. The fight scenes?????? Aoi and Yuuji vs Hanami is on the same excitement scale as Shiratorizawa vs Karasuno for me, and that's saying something. That shit was SO FIRE. MAPPA didn't have to go that hard, but they did, and that's why they'll always be my favorite studio (ok but seriously the people at MAPPA have to get some damn sleep at some point, they're animating banger after banger without a break). Honestly, every little fight in this Anime was godlike, especially the whole Kyoto Sister School Exchange Event Arc was next level shit.

Ok the OST, deep breath right here. Every single song in this Anime went s o hard. Both of the OP's and ED's are already in my favorite Anime OST's of all time list, and there was this one song that always played during the fight scenes, that even managed to distract me from the fight itself lmfao

Even the intermissions and preview songs had awesome music what the fuck-

I could talk about this damn thing all day, but I'll just stop right here so that the review doesn't get too fucking long

Final score: 10/10

Horimiya (Winter 2021)

13 episodes

⭐⭐⭐

On the surface, the thought of Kyouko Hori and Izumi Miyamura getting along would be the last thing in people's minds. After all, Hori has a perfect combination of beauty and brains, while Miyamura appears meek and distant to his fellow classmates. However, a fateful meeting between the two lays both of their hidden selves bare. Even though she is popular at school, Hori has little time to socialize with her friends due to housework. On the other hand, Miyamura lives under the noses of his peers, his body bearing secret tattoos and piercings that make him look like a gentle delinquent.

Having opposite personalities yet sharing odd similarities, the two quickly become friends and often spend time together in Hori's home. As they both emerge from their shells, they share with each other a side of themselves concealed from the outside world.

I just finished this one half an hour ago, so lucky you!! You don't have to suffer from my shitty memory! (Well maybe a little bit...)

I loved the artstyle, the OP/ED were great too, the story was nicee and just good to turn off your mind to.

There were wayyyyy to many characters in my opinion, like that green haired dude whose name I can't even remember who just appeared in episode 11 or something.

The main couple, Hori and Miyamura, were so cute they made me so jealous of their relationship T-T.... I know Hori got a lot of shit for her degradation kink thing that I unfortunately had to watch with my cousin, but I honestly don't see a problem. Maybe Miyamura hitting her in front of those guys was a bit...much, but she just wanted to explore herself?? and I think that Miyamura is all in all a great boyfriend to help her.

Miyamura was actually my favorite character, my cousin and I are still arguing if the long or short hair fit him better (LONG HAIR ALL THE WAY WOOOOOHOOO), and the thing in the last episode, when he talked to his younger self pre-Hori almost brought me to tears, because you can just see how much he changed and how much happier he is than before.

Final score: 7/10

Sk8 the Infinity (Winter 2021)

12 episodes

⭐⭐⭐

High school student Reki Kyan is passionate about one thing: skateboarding. When night falls, he heads to "S," an illegal underground race inside a mine where skaters compete in highly dangerous situations. After a loss that results in his skateboard being destroyed and his arm being broken, Reki is now incapable of practicing at all.

While working, Reki runs into his new classmate, Langa Hasegawa, a half-Canadian and half-Japanese boy with no skateboarding experience whatsoever. Langa is in desperate need of money. After they both visit "S" when tasked by Reki's boss, they get into trouble and are forced into a bet that requires Langa to skate in a race. However, the mysterious transfer student holds a trump card that Reki is unaware of, one which might help him win the race in the most unexpected way.

Fuckkkkk this is the goood shit. Here we got another very very gay Anime by the same producer as Banana Fish and Free!, one of my personal favorite Anime. I'm actually rather cautions when it comes to the term 'queerbaiting' in this one, because we basically got 'love confessions' hidden under the skating metaphors from Reki and Langa, and a heavily implied romance between the two, but we never REALLY got a love confession/kiss or just real confirmation.

That hug in the last episode was enough for me tbh, but they were so 🤏 close to kissing and I just wanted to shove their heads together once and for all.

Now that we're talking about the last episode let's talk about the absolute bullshit that was Mister Pedo-Clown's 'redemption' if you can even call it that. HOW WAS THIS DUDE NOT ARRESTED?? I thought Miss Hot Police Lady would just throw his ass into a prison cell, but noooo turns out that she was fucking useless. She was also the only female character besides Langa's and Reki's family by the way, don't know what we can conclude from that, but anyways...

Music was great, never skipped the OP and the ED totally didn't make me want to set some palm trees on fire.

Artstyle and animation were also very cool, although the dude from the store Reki and Langa work at reminded me a little bit t o o much of Banana Fish and gave me war flashbacks. Langa looked like Ash too, and at some point I really thought that he was going to get hurt, especially after Adam decked Cherry with his fucking skateboard (SERIOUSLY HOW DID HE GET AWAY WITH THAT??? JAIL! PRISON! CONFINEMENT!!).

So yeah, that's all for this one, great Anime, awful ending

Final score: 8/10

Yasuke (Spring 2021)

6 episodes

A village in danger, a mysterious child, warring daimyo, and the greatest ronin never known all clash in a Japan of magic and mechs. Learn the story of the first African samurai.

⭐⭐⭐

When I heard that there's gonna be a Netflix Anime with a black samurai main, based off of a real story, animated by MAPPA of all people, my hype went through the roof. In the end it turned out to be really disappointing.

I expected a lot of sword fights and stuff, but instead I got supernatural elements and Mecha for some fucking reason, which made the story seem unrealistic to me (I'm not into Mecha soo).

Honestly, I gotta admit that I switched to GerDub after the third episode and used it as background noise because I got bored. I also started watching it in the Japanese Dub, because I can't listen to a whole Anime in EngDub for the life of me, I'm sorry.

So yeah, the whole thing was so uninteresting to me that I can only remember one scene from it, the one where Yasuke and the other samurai from his troupe (?) stood in front of that castle (??) and Yasuke straight up killed like 10 men in one go, that was kinda badass.

I also gotta mention that the OP was a banger, didn't skip it once, animation was great as always, thanks MAPPA.

Netflix Anime aren't pretty good usually, just look at all of those ugly CGI movies they put out. Kakegurui was mediocore, Great Pretender was fucking fantastic and Yasuke is pretty bad, so now we have ticked off every box on the "How-bad-can-you-be?"-meter.

I bet that I would've liked Yasuke a lot more if they had left out the supernatural shit, left out the whole story with the girl and just went with a historically accurate depiction of his life.

Final score: 4/10

Super Cub (Spring 2021)

12 episodes

Koguma, a reserved second-year high school student, has nothing—no parents, hobbies, friends, or goals. On her way home one afternoon, she visits a vehicle shop in hopes of acquiring a motor scooter. With only enough money to make ends meet, she is disheartened by the price tags and prepares to turn back. However, as she is about to leave, the shop's owner offers her a pre-owned Honda Super Cub for ten thousand yen. Believing that the motorcycle will help brighten her monotonous world, she accepts the deal. As Koguma journeys through her town on small adventures with her Super Cub, she begins to build irreplaceable friendships and eagerly advances toward her new life.

⭐⭐⭐

If there is a definition of 'Slice of Life', it's this Anime. That doesn't mean that it's boring tho.

For some reason I got really excited to see this random cute girl getting new power ups for her motorcycle and finding new friends every Wednesday, and it kept me watching until the very end.

I adore Koguma she is so wholesome (I instantly fell in love with her the first time she smiled, she's best girl of this season don't fight me).

Reiko and Koguma act like an old married couple, especially in the last few episodes and I'm fully convinced that those two and Shii are all lesbians.

The cold color palette was very relaxing to me, the whole vibe of the show was chill in and of itself I got tired every time I watched it lmao

OST was good... that's it, there's really not much to say about this one.

The only thing that always stayed in the back of my head is that the entire Anime is basically one big Honda commercial 😭

Final score: 8/10

Hige wo Soru. Soshite Joshikousei wo Hirou. (Spring 2021)

13 episodes

⭐⭐⭐

When regular salaryman Yoshida wakes up one Sunday morning after a long night at the bar, the last thing he expects to see is that his tiny apartment has a new resident—an unfamiliar high school girl.

The previous night, despite finally gathering the courage to confess to his boss and longtime crush, Airi Gotou, Yoshida was rejected. After drowning his sorrows at a bar with his good friend Hashimoto, Yoshida headed back to his home in a drunken stupor, only to run into Sayu Ogiwara, a runaway high schooler. She asked him to let her stay the night, and with his judgment clouded by alcohol, Yoshida complied.

Now, with his head on straight but with no memory of last night's events, Yoshida has Sayu explain just how she ended up sleeping at his apartment. Having listened to her story, Yoshida finds himself unable to kick her out—especially after learning that she came all the way from Hokkaido! So, despite his reservations about sheltering an underage girl, Yoshida allows her to stay, and their life together begins.

I don't really know what I expected to get out of this story. I honestly thought that we were gonna get a lovely father-daughter relationship, but no, instead we got very uncomfortable intimate interactions between a 28 and a 17 year old 😐 At least they didn't get together while she was still living with him and I love Yoshida for dismissing her love confession and advances in the first and last episode.

Lmao, now that I think about it, I remember getting in a huge argument with some incel on MyAnimeList after watching the first episode, that was funny as hell ngl (the argument starts with my post on page 2 if you wanna read it (I'm NicawatchesAnime on there).

The story was interesting, I was eager to find out about Sayu's backstory, and even though I expected it to be tragic, episode 9 hit me like a fucking train. I saw many people on MAL say that it was poorly executed, but I really enjoyed watching that episode (ok maybe 'enjoy ' isn't the right word for an episode like this lol). Kana Ichinose's (Sayu) voice acting was fantastic.

Yoshida was my favorite character, he is literally so sweet and caring and best boy of the season imo. The whole evolving relationship between him and Sayu just made me feel icky, and I think that he should've chosen that short-haired woman from his office to date in the end instead of Sayu.

Idk about y'all but I kinda liked Gotou and especially Issa at the end of the show because they showed genuine care for Sayu although they were very irritating at the beginning or on their first appearances. The dude from the store showed sympathy for Sayu too by hiding her from Issa, but I won't forgive him simply because he tried or rather DID sexually assault her, that idiot can fuck off. Sayu's mother can fuck right off too, god I hate her so much, voice acting in episode 12 was great tho.

I would've liked the show more if Yoshida and Sayu had kept their father-daughter dynamic, them coming together in the end just gives me Usagi Drop Manga Ending vibes (ok maybe HigeHiro is not as extreme as that but you know what I mean).

The artstyle wasn't anything special, it wasn't really ugly, but it wasn't particularly pretty either. The OP is one of my favorites from this season, everytime I watched the new episodes I had to listen to the OP twice because it's just so good (this is not a joke I actually did that).

Final score: 7/10

Shakunetsu Kabaddi (Spring 2021)

12 episodes

⭐⭐⭐

Tatsuya Yoigoshi, a once nationally recognized soccer player, is now a first-year student at Noukin High School. Due to his developed hatred for sports, he has abandoned his previous aspirations to become a famous livestreamer on the internet. One day, Souma Azemichi, a first-year on the kabaddi team, seeks to recruit Yoigoshi and spontaneously interrupts his livestream.

Without any expectations, Yoigoshi follows Souma to the school gym, where he witnesses second-years Kyouhei Misumi and Shinji Date engaged in the primal contact sport of kabaddi. Despite ridiculing the rules of play, Yoigoshi is stunned by the intensity of the round. Because of an enticing deal and slight coercion, he agrees to settle the prospect of his recruitment through the most invigorating way: a battle of kabbadi, a team sport played empty-handed.

This has been on my PTW list since December 2020, I was really excited for it, and it didn't really blew me away as much as I expected.

First of all, the artstyle is so mf ugly and the animation isn't the best either, but the OP and ED sound so good, especially the OP. Don't really know about the OST though, it has a lot of EDM which I don't like at all.

Yoigoshi is cool, Azemichi too, he was my favorite because he's funny af and just really sweet. I've waited sooo long for Oujou to show up because I thought that he looked sick on the poster, but in the end he wasn't as interesting as I thought. The entire show kinda went downhill, and with that I mean boring, when he was introduced (I know he's kind of a fan favorite but he just wasn't that awesome to me).

I honestly did not give a single fuck about any of the characters, especially the new ones that were introduced in like the 9th episode.

The matches didn't pull me in, they were kinda boring most of the time, except when they like kicked the opponents to get points because that looked really great.

I liked that they chose such an unknown sport to focus on, I don't know how it's like in other countries, but as a German I've never heard about this sport in my life and Shakunetsu Kabaddi kind of introduced me to Kabaddi although after watching it for 12 weeks I still can't remember the damn rules 😭

Final score: 6/10

Gokushufudou (Spring 2021)

5 episodes

⭐⭐⭐

"Immortal Tatsu," the legendary yakuza who single-handedly defeated a rival gang with a lead pipe, is a name known to strike fear in both hardened police officers and vicious criminals. Soon after his sudden disappearance, he resurfaces with a slight change in profession. Now equipped with an apron, Tatsu has given up violence and is trying to make an honest living as a house husband.

While adapting to mundane household tasks, Tatsu finds that being a house husband has its own challenges, from the battlefield known as supermarket sales to failures in the kitchen. Despite living peacefully, misunderstandings seem to follow him left and right. Gokushufudou follows the daily life of the comically serious ex-yakuza as he leaves behind his dangerous previous life to become a stay-at-home husband.

The Way of the Househusband is one of my favorite Manga, and I think you can imagine the look on my face when I first saw the trailer for the "Anime". You do not understand man, I was devastated. I saw the first few seconds of that goddamn Netflix trailer (OF COURSE IT'S NETFLIX OF FUCKING COURSE) and could not believe what I was watching. The perfect artstyle from the Manga was straight up ruined by this Picture Drama of a so called Anime, the coloring looked awful (what did they do to Miku's hair I'm gonna cry), the animation was non existent, and I wouldn't even be mad rn if they had just at least advertised it right and had not called it an "Anime".

The OST was bad, everything about this was bad.

At least the voice acting was good and the jokes came across, not as good as in the Manga, but still kind of.

Btw I know that Kousuke Oono themselves wanted the Anime to look like that but it's still so mf bad

Final score: 4/10

Bakuten (Spring 2021)

12 episodes

⭐⭐⭐

Shoutarou Futaba has always loved sports, but he never became more than a benchwarmer on his middle school baseball team. After noticing a group of gymnasts practicing in the park, he decides to watch a rhythmic gymnastics tournament on a whim. Although displaying an exhilarating performance at the competition, the Shoushukan High School's Rhythmic Gymnastics Club places second-to-last due to penalties acquired from not fielding a full six-man roster.

The demonstration of skill captivates Shoutarou, and he decides to enroll at Shoushukan in hopes of joining the team despite having no background in the sport. The club recruits him alongside Ryouya Misato, a prodigal gymnast who was the runner-up in a junior tournament.

Now with a full six-man roster, the team sets out to compete in the upcoming Inter-High tournament. As he strives to accomplish this ambitious endeavor, Shoutarou must learn and master the basics of rhythmic gymnastics all while working in tandem with his new teammates if Shoushukan wants to stand a chance at claiming the title.

Here we finally have a rather good Sports Anime!

I enjoyed watching Bakuten, the biggest point that I liked were the characters, they were all very fun to watch and everyone was unique and had nice character design.

Misato's character development throughout the series and his friendship (...) with Shotaro made me really happy. Fun fact: my cousin and I always accidentally mixed their names up so we just called Misato "Yuno" from Black Clover because damn he looks like him a whole fucking lot.

I actually have a few things to say about the character design because almost all of them reminded me of other Anime characters:

Mutsu, the snake looking dude - Orochimaru and Kabuto from Naruto because, obviously

Blue haired dude, Oominato - Rei from Free!, they look exactly the same

Ryuugamori - Illumi from Hunter x Hunter

Shida, in his flashback - Yurio from Yuri! on Ice damn I laughed so hard

Takase & Shichigahama - Kagami from Kuroko no Basket

Tsukidate - Suga from Haikyuu!!

Watari (MY FAVORITE I LOVE HIM) - Tanaka from Haikyuu!!

Ok enough about the characters. The artstyle was nice, the animation was smooth. When I saw the performance in ep1 I was really worried because CGI in Anime almost never looks good to me, but Bakuten really outdid themselves with it. I love how they switched from 3D to 2D to show facial expressions and it fit really well imo, I saw a lot of people hate on it so I just had to mention it.

Can we just talk about how this Anime was the first one that actually scared the living shit out of me for a moment. Episode 5 scared me more than Perfect Blue, a literal Horror Anime, like chill the fuck out 😭

The OST is absolutely fantastic, of course it is because it's made by the same guys who performed the Given OP/ED.

Btw can I just mention that the girls' outfits in this Anime are really stylish I mean look at this

Gotta say that the full body suits that the boys wore in their last performance were fucking ugly and the camerawork and effects they used were really weird.

Final score: 8/10

Ijiranaide, Nagatoro-san (Spring 2021)

12 episodes

⭐⭐⭐

Every day, Naoto Hachiouji is teased relentlessly by Hayase Nagatoro, a first year student he meets one day in the library while working on his manga. After reading his story and seeing his awkward demeanor, she decides from that moment on to toy with him, even calling him "Senpai" in lieu of using his real name.

At first, Nagatoro's relentless antics are more bothersome than anything and leave him feeling embarrassed, as he is forced to cater to her whims. However, as they spend more time together, a strange sort of friendship develops between them, and Naoto finds that life with Nagatoro can even be fun. But one thing's for sure: his days will never be dull again.

This Anime is so incredibly dumb and cringey it physically hurts me. I enjoyed watching it anyways.

When I watched the first episode and saw Nagatoro making nameless-dude cry, I was like: "How is this gonna develop into a romantic relationship??", but it got a little bit better over time. If we just ignore the mass amount of fanservice of 15 year old girls and Nagatoro and her friends borderline sexually harrassing nameless-dude, this might even be a really cute love story, they had their moments. Maybe it's just because I'm a sucker for any romantic shit I can get.

I can't decide if I like Nagatoro or not, she's really fucking annoying sometimes, but nameless-dude with the Deku voice and his heavy breathing isn't any better tbh. Nagatoro's friends annoyed me too but the long haired girl was cool.

I was also confused about the club room they're always hanging out in, like where are the other members?? We met the club president in like episode 10, but that's it?? Btw the club president was SO oversexualized it's honestly disgusting.

Soundtrack was catchy and artstyle was actually pretty nice. The fanservice went through the roof for some reason, chill the girls are in like 10th grade or something.

Idk why I enjoyed watching this shitshow so much, I have so many contra points against it, but it was really fun to watch and the artstyle got to me, so if you're into Sadodere shit and looking for mindless garbage this Anime is your perfect match.

Final score: 6/10

Cider no You ni Kotoba ga Wakiagaru (Summer 2021)

Movie

⭐⭐⭐

The visual features the tagline, "I met you in my 17th summer ..." The "boy-meets-girl" story depicts how words and music bridge the gap between Cherry, a boy who is terrible at communicating with other people, and Smile, a girl who hides behind a mask. They meet in a mundane suburban shopping mall in a provincial city.

Cherry always wears headphones and puts the feelings he cannot utter into his hobby, Japanese haiku poems. Smile always wears a mask to conceal her large front teeth, for which she has dental braces. As a popular video star, she streams a video about seeking "cuteness."

This movie was average and quite boring to be honest. I mainly watched it because the artstyle looked pretty to me, but while watching the movie itself, I decided that it's not as good as I thought. The effects and the camera angles looked weird at times and the colors were so bright that it lowkey irritated me.

I really don't have much to say about this movie, nothing outstanding happened. Except the ending which was so fucking cringe that it made me shed a literal tear that ran down my face and had my brother throw a concerned look at me.

Final score: 5/10

Boku no Hero Academia Season 5 (Spring 2021)

25 episodes

⭐⭐⭐

UA Academy's Class 1-A has been the focus of a substantial amount of public attention due to the multiple villain attacks they have faced over the past school year. This attention has left Class 1-A's rivals, Class 1-B, feeling quite bitter. Desiring to prove their skills, they look forward to the opportunity that has been given to them: a set of mock battles between the students of each class.

The classes are split into squads of four, each of which is tasked with capturing the other group members. The winner is the group who first secures all of the opposing team. While this sounds simple, a curveball is thrown into the mix with the inclusion of General Course Student Hitoshi Shinsou, who wishes to transfer into the Hero Course. Despite using his training with Class 1-A's homeroom teacher Shouta "Eraserhead" Aizawa to prove that he's capable of being a real hero, he is still far behind the others due to his lack of experience. However, Shinsou is determined to overcome this challenge.

Thus begins the fiery competition between Class 1-A and 1-B as each tries to prove that they are superior to the other.

This was actually the first bnha season i watched in simulcast since I'm a late bloomer and only started watching the show in like February of 2021, just wanted to mention that.

I'm gonna try to keep this short because I kinda lost motivation to do this whole rating Anime thing, but I don't wanna leave it in my drafts at the end of the year or I'll be disappointed in myself so let's just keep going.

The first cour was boring as fuck, I literally cannot name you one single fight from those episodes except Denki and Shinsou teaming up and Deku activating Black Whip during his fight with Shinsou. I can't even tell you Bakugou's opponent and that says something because he's my favorite character.

Anyways, the second cour was a lot more exciting, unpopular opinion but I really like Endeavor's redemption arc and him trying to change for the better. And oh my god, we finally got to see Shigaraki's backstory being animated. I actually never read the Meta Liberation Arc, but I watched a few character analysis videos so I knew what happened to Shigaraki, and I kind thought they were gonna censor the shit out of it for some reason. Spoiler: They didn't. Goddamn Shigaraki's background story was so fucking good I'm still not over that scene of him activating his quirk and literally killing his entire family. That scene was so sick, you should've seen my cousin and me, I almost started crying it was so fucking good.

Season 5 was weird animation-wise and I'm like 100% sure that I'm not the only one who noticed it.

The music was ok I guess, I didn't like the first OP, both ED's were good. The second OP slapped really hard, not one of my favorite bnha openings (The Day and ODD FUTURE all the way), but I didn't skip it once.

Final score: 7/10

Re-Main (Summer 2021)

12 episodes

⭐⭐⭐

When Minato Kiyomizu wakes up in a hospital, he learns that he has been comatose for 203 days. As it turns out, a car accident has caused him to lose all memory of his middle school journey. Eventually, he discovers his former glory in water polo and desires to continue where he has left off. However, embarrassingly becoming aware of the massive disparity between his old and current self, Minato begins intensive rehabilitation in hopes of starting anew—a life without water polo.

Yet, Minato is promptly reminded of his past prowess and a promise on his very first day in Yamanami High School. Soon enough, despite being completely aware of his ineptitude, he joins the school's water polo club! While needing to relearn the sport's basics, he, along with his clubmates, must recruit new members to attain the required seven-man roster. With that, Minato tries to rekindle his deeply buried talent for water polo—and become one of Japan's renowned players once again.

Ugh.

I had really high hopes for this one because

1) it's by MAPPA

2) everyone made it out to be the next Bakuten! or the next Sk8, and since I enjoyed both of these, especially Sk8, a lot I decided to give it a try.

This Anime left me even more disappointed as 2.43. God it was SO boring and bad.

The characters were boring as hell, literally none of them stuck with me.

The voices annoyed me so much and that usually never happens with me and doesn't fuck with my enjoyment but with Re-Main it did. Especially the blond haired dude's voice, he had the same one as Tendou from Haikyuu!!.

It was boring, the matches were boring, the characters were unoriginal and boring, the soundtrack was bad, the animation and especially the CGI parts looked bad, and all in all I didn't enjoy it the least bit. I was so glad when it finally ended.

I have three more things to say about Re-Main:

1) Why does no one fucking care that Minato literally just woke up from a coma and lost 3 YEARS worth of memories?? Why is everyone in this damn Anime like: "Oh Minato, you really changed!"? Yeah no shit?? He literally lost 3 years of his life and his development and behavior as a person?

2) I'm so sorry but when this man Minato fell off a fucking BIKE and lost ANOTHER one year worth of memories like halfway through the show I literally laughed for 5 minutes straight. This show is so unrealistic and overdramatic like what in gods name was that one scene where everyone thought that the emo-"you all are better than me"-dude was gonna fucking commit and in the end he was just doing something completely else??? what the fuck???

3) The unnecessary character arcs and characters in general are something else in this show. I do not care for Sasuke 2.0's brother complex, and said brother's rivalry with Minato from like 5 years ago. I don't care for Minato's """""dark side""""" (he was literally such an asshole in the second part of the season for like no reason). I don't care for the literal only "important" female character in the show who was so useless and contributed nothing to the plot except telling Minato how much he's changed.

This Anime is so bad, I hope the fans of the Sports Anime 2021 Trinity don't come for me lol

Final score: 4/10

Tokyo Revengers (Spring 2021)

⭐⭐⭐

Takemichi Hanagaki’s second year of middle school was the highest point in his life. He had respect, a gang of friends he could count on, and even a girlfriend. But that was twelve years ago. Today, he’s a nobody: a washed-up nonentity made fun of by children and always forced to apologize to his younger boss. A sudden news report on the Tokyo Manji Gang’s cruel murder of the only girlfriend he ever had alongside her brother only adds insult to injury. Half a second before a train ends his pitiful life for good, Takemichi flashes back to that same day twelve years ago, when he was still dating Hinata Tachibana.

After being forced to relive the very same day that began his downward spiral, Takemichi meets Hinata’s younger brother. Without thinking, he admits to his seeming death before flashing back to the past. Takemichi urges him to protect his sister before inexplicably returning to the future. Miraculously, he isn’t dead. Stranger still, the future has changed. It seems as though Takemichi can alter the flow of time. Given the chance to prevent his ex-girlfriend’s tragic death at the hands of the Tokyo Manji Gang, Takemichi decides to fly through time to change the course of the future.

Ok little disclaimer: I only watched like 5 episodes of the first cour since my brother and my cousin forced me to. When I was in Turkey my cousin told me to keep watching and since I didn't have enough internet to watch the Anime, i just binged the Manga in 2 weeks. It was SO good. Please go and read Tokyo Revengers. Just wanted to mention all of this to say that I only really watched the second cour, so the Valhalla Arc.

The adaptation was pretty good imo, the animation was weird at some points, for example in the Bloody Halloween fight where Draken and that little bastard Hanma went against each other, but it was more funny than disappointing so it's not that bad.

They nailed Baji's death, that scene was so good my cousin literally cried waterfalls. My brother actually filmed us while watching this episode and you can just see me going through the 5 stages of grief when Baji said his last words and Chifuyu screamed his guts out (kudos to the VA, great job you almost made me cry). Sadly I can't post it on here.

Crybaby is an absolute banger, it's probably gonna be in my Top 5 on Spotify Wrapped, that's how often I listened to that song 😭

Final score: 8/10

Uramichi Oniisan (Summer 2021)

⭐⭐⭐

In the studio of the morning childrens' show "Together with Mama," a crew of miserable adults prepares their facades of amicable smiles and cheerful exteriors to educate a group of innocent preschoolers. In the middle of it stands Uramichi Omota, a former gymnast who can't help but bring the kids down to earth by revealing the harsh and depressing reality of adulthood, even in front of the rolling cameras.

Behind the scenes, Uramichi's much-desired peace is disturbed by his two bothersome juniors who work as the show's rabbit and bear mascots and singers: Utano Tadano, a woman who only wishes to get married; and Iketeru Daga, a handsome man with a crass sense of humor. From smoking and exercising to nihilistic outbursts, everyone's big brother Uramichi always brings up the not-so-moral side to his life lessons.

I don't have much to say about Uramichi Oniisan. I laughed a bit, it served it's purpose as a comedy Anime but was still depressing and made you think.

Kumatani has my heart in a grip, I love him so much.

I also love Mamoru Miyano, Dream On ( the ED) is also probably gonna be in my Spotify Wrapped.

Final score: 7/10

🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇

Ok thanks to everyone who actually took the time to read this and enjoyed it. Sadly, I have to say that I didn't include anything from Fall 2021 since all I did during this time is binge fucking Naruto to feed my brainrot and wasn't interested in watching Seasonals.

I did however try to watch Blue Period, takt OP Destiny and Komi Can't Communicate, but none of them left a great impression on me, and since I don't have the motivation to continue this list I don't feel the need to force myself to write anything about them.

Oh I also watched that show with the girl who can see ghosts and ignores them or something like that but there was so much damn fanservice that I dropped it after like 2 episodes.

I don't know if I will write another one of these lists next year, let's just see if my goal to become less lazy in 2022 will become true.

[verdantspringcourtyard]

Return of Mara Event

False God 3.0 has arrived! This event coincides with Asura's release and continues the event story from Taishakuten's event. It is another False God and War of Heian-kyo type event, lasts for around 1-2 weeks. Unlike those 2 events, this one has 3 maps the entire server must work through. Also, each map will have very clear paths that we need to take in order to reach the special bosses. When the timer for the 3rd map ends, the final battle between Asura and Taishakuten will begin.

Event Page

At the of top the screen there will be an ever-present timer slowly counting down to when the map will change, and to the right of it are 3 other buttons. The first one, from left to right, has a sake bottle icon. This is where you can collect 30 event AP, or 90 event AP and 6 Peppers if you purchase the event s-jade pack, at noon and 6PM every day. The second button is for chat, and the third button is for viewing shared posts that will have compass links to specific tiles. As TW, JP and GL do not have the share post function, they will only have the first 2 buttons.

On the bottom left there are 5 buttons. The first button, from left to right, is for viewing Special Buffs. Next is the button that'll bring up the Quest tab. Then the middle button is for rereading the event story, next to that is the button for the Spiritual Body page and lastly is the button for the exchange shop.

On the right side of the screen, there will be a treasure box and an eye. After using up 500 AP you can claim rewards from the treasure box for any cleared tiles. The eye reveals the tile types for challengable tiles.

Battlefield of the Abyss

The overall goal is for the entire server to work together to clear the 3 event maps by defeat the special boss for each. There are 3-day timers for each map and all 3 consists of 3 major activities. Some map tiles will have unlockable buffs for set groups of shikigami, equippable buff effects, treasure boxes and Asura's Shards. The latter is needed to strengthen bonus stats and to challenge the special bosses.

Types of map tiles:

Donation: Use 15 event AP to help clear the tile. There’s no limit to how much event AP you can use on these tiles in a day. *Recommended for beginners who can't do dispatch*

Dispatch: Select up to 10 of your shikigami to be 'sent' on a ~24 dispatch quest to clear the tile. Cost 15 event AP per shikigami to do, ie sending a full team of 10 shikigami costs 150 event AP. N rarity and 2-3* shikigami cannot be used.

Bosses: Defeat the boss to clear the tile. You have 4 minutes to do as much damage as possible and your damage determines how much event currency you get. Cost 15 event AP to do, is solo only and can be done on auto.

Buffs: Clear the tile to unlock a buff for a set group of shikigami or an equippable bonus effect for your shikigami.

Treasure: Clear the tile to unlock some bonus rewards. Please ignore treasure tiles until after the special boss/es are been defeated.

Shards: Tiles with shards on them must be cleared in order to challenge the special boss or bosses of the map.

Blue Tiles: The path or paths that the leaders will follow.

Flames: Lots of players are challenging this tile.

If you're ever unsure of what to do, can either focus on clearing shard tiles, blue tiles or tiles that have flames.

Leaders

On the map is a chibi Asura who will follow a set path to the special bosses and will help clear all the tiles on said path. He can be fed Peppers to restore his AP and continue clearing tiles, feeding him also grants some event currency. Once the special boss has been defeated he'll just stay in the same spot and do nothing until the map changes.

On map 2 a chibi SP Shuten will join Asura and on map 3 a chibi SP Onikiri will also join him. They function the same as Asura, ie they'll follow their own paths and can be fed. Can change leaders at any time, but can only feed and see their set path/s for your currently selected one.

Their skills;

Asura: Deals 100% damage to a tile.

SP Shuten: Deal 60% damage to a tile and 20% splash damage to 2 adjacent tiles.

SP Onikiri: Deal 50% damage to a tile and the tile behind it.

Special Bosses

In order to challenge a special boss, the entire server must create a path to them and collect all of Asura's Shards on the map. Creating a path should be extremely easy because everyone just needs to follow Asura, or the other leaders on map 2-3, and attack the same tiles as him.

On maps 2-3, once 1 of the bosses has been defeated a timer will start. The server must defeat the remaining boss/es before this timer ends otherwise the HP for the defeated boss/es be recovered.

Once the boss/es have been defeated, some hourly event currency will begin to be generated. Map 1 is 10000 per hour, map 2 is 15000 per hour and map 3 is 20000 per hour. The event currency is sent out when the timer for the current map ends. The total amount received will be increased by how much Demonic Power you have obtained from the current map. For experienced players, the boss and dispatch tiles will give the most Demonic Power, so if you want a lot of event currency you should help clear those types of tiles. Donation tiles also give a lot of event currency, but please leave them for beginner players who struggle with bosses or don't have enough shiki to do dispatch.

Spiritual Body

Clear certain map tiles to collect Asura's Shards to gain bonus stats for your shikigami, every 5 shards will grant a bonus stat. Once all shards have been collected, the special boss/es for the map will become challengable.

In the menu for this, you can view what bonus stats have been unlocked and equip unlocked bonus effects. There are a total of 6 slots to equip effects in, however, slots are only unlocked after every 10 shards collected. There are a total of 18 bonus effects to unlock, some may require multiple slots in order to be equipped.

Final Battle

This starts on the 10th day of the event and lasts for 2-3 days. The entire server must work together to destroy the 6 barriers giving Taishakuten a 90% damage reduction then help Asura defeat him.

The 6 barriers are 6 bosses, each is solo only, there's no time limit, can be done on auto and costs 5 AP to challenge. All 6 can only be challenged a max of 500 times. Unlike the rest of the bosses in this event these don't have shared HP, these are standard event bosses with ~1mil HP. Each boss needs to be defeated a certain number of times for the barrier HP to be reduced. Bosses drop random 5-6* souls, EXP souls and EXP pamphlets.

When all 6 barriers have been destroyed, everyone will be able to challenge Taishakuten without that massive damage reduction. He doesn't have any phases, but he does have the same skills that he had in his event. Costs 6 AP to challenge him, solo only and can be done on auto.

While the battle with Taishakuten is ongoing there'll be some total accumulated damage rewards and a 6* soul exchange box. The soul box is just the one in Senhime's and Taishakuten's event, need 60 of an item that drops from the battle and you'll have a choice out of 3 random souls. Total accumulated damage needed to get all the rewards is 10bil, rewards are; 200000 gold, animated icon frame, loading screen illust, 100 gold orochi scales, 400 AP, 100 jade and a 4* white daruma.

There is also a leader board, but it is just for showing off the best teams to use.

Special Buffs

Once a buff for a group has been unlocked, said group will gain a 20% damage dealt and damage reduction buff. Here are notable shikigami from each group.

Quests

There are 3 types of quests: story, achievement and wanted. Story quests are completed by the server and is just stuff need to do in order to progress the event. The achievement quests are a mix of server-wide and individual quests, the quests are "fight a boss tile x amount of times", "unlock x amount of buffs for the server", etc. The wanted quests are 3 random quests that refresh once every ~12 hours that you can do.

Exchange Shop

The exchange shop has 2 tabs. The first tab is for the normal shop items, the second tab is for the event packs.

The most notable items are; 120 event AP (restocks daily), 2 loading screen illusts, an animated event frame (same as final battle frame from Taishakuten's event), new Suzuka skin, a black daruma, black daruma shards, EXP Pamphlets, skin tickets, SP skin tickets, mochi, 3 blue summon tickets, a total of 600 jade, lots of AP and gold.

There are 4 event packs that contain the usual stuff; guaranteed 6* souls, shiki shards, jade and AP, daruma shards and realm cards. Each can be bought a max of 500 times. The packs are like the ones in the KnY collab event. For non-CN players or people who didn't participate, each of the packs have a very low chance to give a special item such as; ~128 jade, ~66 AP, ~3 blue summon tickets, ~100 gold orochi scales, 5* white daruma, a black daruma. A little animation will play if you get a special item.

Cost to buy all 120 of the event AP is 480 jade. There is also an s-jade pack that gives you 60 additional daily event AP and 6 Pepper every day at noon and 6PM. So if you want to buy that pack, do so on the first day of the event.

Recommended Teams

Just to reiterate - if you're ever unsure of what to do, can either focus on clearing shard tiles, blue tiles or tiles that have flames.

And don't forget to adjust your soul sets and equip appropriate bonus effects for your shiki throughout the event.

Battlefield of the Abyss

The following teams are just some general ones.

Alternative for Sen is Oitsuki and for Enmu it's Aoandon or Shoyou. If you choose to use Takiyasha in the Ryoumen team, can equip her with 3 sets of boss souls.

For additional teams when a boss has 0 minions, can refer to older event guides with recommendations for similar bosses.

Final Battle

For the barrier bosses, can use your standard event farming team or the same teams shown in the above section. Or you use a team like this one: https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1964y1d7Aq/

Taishakuten always uses his annoying skill that will control your shiki with the highest ATK on his 2nd turn and never again. The only way to prevent him from controlling your shiki is by equipping Seimei with his shield. It needs to be used on Seimei's 2nd turn which should happen by default on auto.

The house imp buff in the 1st team is specifically for Senhime's deep freeze. So if you don't have her skill 2 maxed you can either do something about that by feeding her some black daruma, try swapping out SP Kiyo for SR Kiyo equipped with snow spirit or try using a different buff.

The latter 2 teams were only used during the last ~10% of the fight. The Taishakuten buff can be swapped for the seductress buff.

[chris-evans-indian-fanfic]

Longing

Chapter 1

Description: Chris Evans becomes obsessed with you when he realises he can't have you. Eager to be with you in some form or the other, he starts writing fanfiction, where both of you are passionately in love with each other. But what happens when his imagination starts to merge with his reality in his subconsciousness?

Warnings: This entire mini-series will contain smut, bad language and angst. ONLY PROCEED IF YOU ARE 18+

This first chapter is inspired by the GIF below from @navybrat817 and @stargazingfangirl18 's ShamelessHoesForChris writing challenge. Click here to know more

A/N: I do not know Chris Evans personally. This fic is a work of imagination and should only be used as such. It doesn't comment on Chris or anybody else personally. It is also not meant to destroy his reputation or paint him in a bad light. I admire the guy and he really seems like a genuinely nice person. Again, I repeat, THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION SO TREAT IT AS SUCH!

A/N 2: I did search quite a lot on the internet and didn't come across a fic like this. Which makes me nervous and also kind of excited that I get to do something unique? Please please give me your criticism and feedback on this! Would love to hear your thoughts.

A/N 3: I have used a few big words throughout the series because this fic is from Chris' POV and we all know that he's a bit of a wordsmith 😅 I had never even heard these words before in my life. So please let me know if I have used them in an incorrect manner. 

My Main Masterlist

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but Tumblr and AO3, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

…

The best thing about shooting Defending Jacob? Chris got to stay in his house in Boston. The worst part about working on the set? He was currently stuck in a room engulfed in hot, angry flames of fire. The fire had abruptly started due to a short circuit and spread across the set in the blink of an eye. Coughing, Chris doubled down on the floor, his breathing becoming more laboured with each second. 

The smoke stung his eyes as he looked around for a fire extinguisher. He tried calling for help, but only small grunts managed to escape his lips. Just as he was on the verge of losing consciousness, he heard a voice. Your voice.

"Is anyone here?" you called out, your voice faint in his ears. "Hello?" 

Chris tried to shout again, but only sank further towards the floor.

Luckily, you opened the door of his room and found his almost crumpled body on the ground. Using the fire extinguisher, you managed to douse as many flames as you could, while also covering Chris with a thick blanket. As the room was still filled with smoke, you pressed a wet towel on his face, asking him to breathe through his nose. 

Slowly, you managed to drag him out of the room and into the corridor, the fire reduced to embers in most places thanks to your fire extinguisher. Chris being a heavy man, you tried your best to support his weight as much as you could, your body almost stooping to form a right angle.

Just as you thought you might be in the clear, you heard a crack from above. Looking up, you realised that the ceiling was about to cave in and so, on impulse, you pushed Chris out of the way, as portions of the false ceiling fell on you, knocking you unconscious. 

Chris, in his state, vaguely realised what happened, before he lost his balance and fell to the ground a few feet away from you, his left arm stretched towards your limp body, as if reaching out.

Sirens of the firetruck and the ambulance filled the heavy air. A deep groan escaped his lips as he attempted to crawl towards you, a failed effort. Where did it all go so wrong? he thought. I was supposed to be the one to save you angel! You should be falling in love with me!! And break-up with your good for nothing fiancé! 

Overwhelmed with emotions, Chris started drifting off to sleep, your name leaving his lips in the form of a desperate whisper.

🔥

8 MONTHS AGO

Chris met you for the first time at the table read for Defending Jacob. You didn't strike him as anyone special. Being the Junior Assistant Scriptwriter for the series, you were just in the room as a formality. It was your job to jot down the minutes of the meeting, and have the parts of the script marked which were supposed to be changed slightly. 

You managed to stay invisible for more such meetings. An introvert by nature, you kept to yourself even when the shooting started. 

It was in the Week 4 of the shooting when Chris actually started to notice you. He realised you were always absent from his house parties, never stayed around on the set for after-work shenanigans and, you never hung out with any of your crew-mates for a drink.

What really drove his attention towards you were your random acts of kindness. He once saw you feeding a homeless man in the alley behind the set. Unknown to you, it was where Chris often hid from his cast and crew to smoke. 

Then there was the bit with setting up of a mobile blood donation camp on the set, which was completely your idea. He had also seen you distribute fliers for animal adoption centres and NGOs who fought for climate preservation.

You always made sure everyone on the set ate before you did, and the ones who couldn't due to work, you were sure to help them and share their load so they could have lunch.

But one particular incident made him see that you were no ordinary woman. 

It was a particularly tough day on the set. They were shooting the 35-second sex scene between him and Michelle. While these scenes looked easy on the screen, they always made Chris feel uneasy about himself. "What if my body is not upto the mark?" , "I don't want to hurt Michelle in any way" , "God I hope I don't touch her inappropriately by mistake" and more such troubling thoughts clawed at his mind. After the scene finally ended, he felt the lustful eyes of the crew feasting on him, admiring his body on display. 

He hurried towards his van, avoiding to look at anyone, until his eyes met yours for a total of 5 seconds. He expected to see the same smirk to be reflected in your eyes as everyone else's. Instead, he saw a completely different emotion. He saw sadness, sympathy, and most importantly, recognition of his discomfort etched on your face.

After that, Chris started to keep a close eye on you. You always wore comfortable clothes, with loads of pockets. Yet somehow, they always fit you well. He also noticed that you always got your own lunch, refusing to eat the food available on the set. 

A few days after filming the sex scene, he decided to try to speak with you. Palms sweaty, he headed towards you and gently said your name. 

"Hi," he said, and stopped. 

"Hello Mr Evans," you greeted him back, a little surprised that he knew your name. 

He continued to look at you, bright cerulean eyes bearing into yours, apparently lost. You blinked twice, unfazed, and a little uncomfortable, "Can I help you sir?"

Chris shook his head slightly. He was so used to women fawning all over him, that your utter lack of excitement on seeing him deterred him a bit. 

He cleared his throat, a little flustered, *Ahem yeah… I wanted to ask… something… karaoke!" he managed to mumble, "It's karaoke night at my house. Tomorrow. Will you come? At night?"

"Umm… No Mr Evans. I am sorry I will not be able to make it," you politely declined while taking a small step back.

"Oh. Uhh… well we can have it any other night if you want," he cleared his throat again, sweat starting to gather on his forehead as he noticed your movement, "You never visit any of my house-parties."

You smiled a bit, "I like to go home early. I want to spend as much time as I can with my fiancé and my cat."

Chris raised his eyebrows at that revelation, "Fiancé? I… I don't see a ring."

"That's because there isn't one," your smile widened as you pulled the chain around your neck and revealed a locket. It was an intricately carved sunflower locket, with small, delicate curls nestled inside the petals. 

Chris glanced at it with disdain. It looked hand-made, cheap, "Is that… is it made from clay?"

"Yes Mr Evans," you beamed at the locket, admiring it with love and pride, "My fiancé is a potter and he made this himself. It took him over 6 hours just to carve all the petals. But he still made it because he knows how much I love sunflowers."

"So he's too poor to give you an appropriate ring?" Chris snapped at you. 

Offended, you looked at him in shock and anger as he continued. "You deserve someone who can afford to give you an expensive engagement ring. Not some cheap craft project."

You grit your teeth at his comment, "Unlike some people, I don't look at the price of the gifts, I look at their value. While this," you held the locket in front of his eyes, "is worthless for you, it is priceless for me."

You placed the locket back inside your shirt and walked away. Chris stood rooted at the spot, biting his cheek hollow. He hadn't meant to drive you away. He had just wanted you to see him as a prospective partner. 

As he turned towards his trailer, an idea popped into his head.

🔥

Next Friday saw you and your fiancé walk into the bowling alley. The production house had organised a "Bring Your Partner to Work Day" and you both were excited to step out of your routine lives. 

A few people on the set recognised your fiancé Aiden from his YouTube channel. Kenneth, an Assistant Set Designer, drooled over him, "Maaahhnnn! I love your pottery videos! They are so calming dude. How do you make them so relaxing?"

The ever shy and soft-spoken Aiden gushed at the compliment, turning a shade of red which you always found adorable. Aiden was almost the same height as you, with a lean figure and a kind, freckled face. Your friends always told you that Aiden's looks were nothing to brag about, but you disagreed. Because for you, this man was the most handsomest, cutest and sexiest person in the world. 

And you knew he felt the same way about you. That's why, even after being together for almost 5 years now, you two still looked at each other with heart eyes.

As the party progressed, you made sure to avoid Chris, and so far, you were successful. That was until he softly said your name. 

With dread in your stomach, you and Aiden turned around to face the man. Aiden knew of your previous encounter with Chris, and tried to square his shoulders as much as possible, but Chris' towering physique and personality literally made it impossible for Aiden to appear tough.

You gave Chris a curt nod and received a sweet smile in response. 

"I believe I owe you an apology," he confessed, "I am sorry. My behavior that day was inexcusable." He paused for reaction, but looking at your hesitant faces, he continued, "It was quite a hectic day on the set and I guess I took it all out on you," he looked towards you, "You know I am capricious by nature. It takes me some time to become gregarious. But," he raised his hands in the air, "I repeat, the way I acted was inexcusable. I am sorry."

He extended his arm towards Aiden, "You are a porter I believe."

"Potter, sir," Aiden corrected while shaking his hand and introducing himself.

You bit your tongue, knowing that Chris was mocking you with his false apology. 

He invited Megan to join the conversation, "Megan loves handmade ceramics. Maybe she would be interested in your work."

Introductions were made again, and as the conversation pursued, it arrived at the topic of your marriage.

"Have you guys decided on a date yet?" asked Megan as Chris looked at you. 

"We are planning to get married as soon as the shooting ends for DJ," you smiled.

"Oh really? Wow that's… unusual," Megan tried her best to hide her surprise.

"We don't know exactly when will the shooting end," Chris said with a frown on his face.

"That's not an issue Mr Evans. We are actually planning to get married at the courthouse," revealed Aiden.

"You know if money is an issue then we would be more than happy to help you guys out," Chris offered in a sincere tone. 

"Oh no no Mr Evans. Money isn't an issue," you clarified, "We have decided to donate the money we had intended to spend on the wedding."

"But thank you so much for the generous offer, we really appreciate it," Aiden added with a sincere smile.

"You know a lot of couples are doing that nowadays. It's a trend I believe," Megan commented, "Where are you going to make the donation?"

"The local orphanage where I grew up. We both love kids and, it just seemed to be the perfect choice," Aiden beamed at you. 

You mirrored his expression while Chris scowled. "I think everybody should get the wedding of their dreams, and you" he stated, pointing towards you, "deserve much more than a courthouse wedding. Don't you want to get married in a beautiful church? Walk down the aisle in a gorgeous white gown? And get married to a man who can actually fulfill your wishes and desires?"

Squaring your shoulders, you looked at Chris dead in the eye, "I am marrying the man of my dreams Mr Evans. The wedding ceremony doesn't matter to me. What does matter is the beautiful life we will begin together. Now if you will excuse us," you linked your arm with Aiden's, "we need to leave."

Chris watched you leave as Megan tried to distract him with something else. Tonight did not go the way he had anticipated.

He left the party shortly after you, directly heading for his home. Standing under the cold shower, he tried to reason with himself. He was acting out of character. There was no reason for his behavior. You had made it ample clear that you loved your fiancé and that nobody in the world could sway you.

Then why was he so hell-bent on claiming you as his?

Because she's perfect for you, a voice answered him. 

Yeah, but she belongs to someone else, he argued.

So what?, the voice urged, Fight for her. You saw her wimp of a fiancé. You can break him into two pieces without breaking a sweat. She is made for you. Just you, and nobody else.

"I… Just… No," Chris stammered loudly as he shook his head, trying to get rid of the voice in his mind.

He tried to meditate, but it didn't work. Dodger too, was unable to distract him. Even his books on self-help and mental health were of no use.

As a last resort, he opened his laptop, but his fingers halted at the search bar, the cursor blinking back at him.

He was too tempted to search for you again. The last time he had Googled you, he had been satisfied with the results. You often volunteered with a few NGOs, coordinated multiple donation drives, visited orphanages and taught underprivileged children. His heart had melted at a particular photograph- you were holding an 8-month-old girl in your arms, while looking over a painting drawn by a 4-year-old boy as the child looked up at you with a toothy smile. 

It reminded him of everything he wanted to have, but still couldn't. 

He closed his eyes and started kneading his forehead with his palms. Everybody he knew always only had the best things about him. Right from Scarlett to Mark to Olivia to every fucking person he had ever worked with, everybody said he deserved to have a loving wife, a stable family. 

And yet, here he was, on a Friday night, home alone with a beer bottle, on the verge of anxiety. 

Was it just anxiety though?

Who the fuck is Aiden and why does he deserve to be with her? the voice in his head was back.

They love each other, they want to get married, Chris reasoned.

He doesn't hold a candle next to you, the voice persisted, People love money more than they love others. She will come to you. But you need to let her know you are available. You need to take her to-

"No," Chris interrupted the voice loudly, "No. This is unhealthy. No."

Reaching for his phone, he searched for his therapist's number, when the voice chuckled, You really think a shrink is going to help you with this? Eh? They are only going to ask you to fuck another pussy, or read more books. And I will be damned before you touch another book about trees. 

Chris shook his head again, but in vain. Unable to find the number in his contacts, he turned to Google for the second time that night and started searching for therapists in his area. The voice tut-ted, Yeah, as if the psycho doctor is going to shut their trap about Chris Evans crying over a girl.

Chris almost crushed his bottle in frustration. He couldn't let the voice take over. Not now. Not after working his ass off to get where wanted in his career. Taking a deep breath, he looked at the screen again and came across the headline- "Why Do People Write Fanfiction?" The word fanfiction seemed vaguely familiar to him. He was going to ignore the article and scroll downwards, but the brief underneath the headline made him stop- …mostly, people write fanfiction to stay in touch with the characters they love," says leading Psychologist Andrea Williams.

Intrigued, he opened the article and started reading. Then he opened another, and another and by the time he was done, he had read 6-7 articles on the concept of fanfiction and what it entailed.

Sighing, he opened a new word document. He was reluctant to type a letter, let alone a whole fictional story. He had tried everything and yet, you chose to occupy a rent-free space in his mind. 

Now all he needed was a reference.

He minimised the document, and opened a new tab on his browser. His hesitant fingers typed the words - Chris Evans Fanfiction - into the search bar, and he instantly winced.

Millions of search results were displayed before him, and as he read the descriptions of each one of them, he realised that 99% of these stories were porn. There was no sugar-coating it. On the 5th page of the search results, he luckily found a story sans the erotica. It was a cute one-shot about him going on a first date with the reader. He read it with squinted eyes, afraid that a sex scene might jump out of the blue, but luckily, nothing of the sort happened. 

Chris liked reading it. It was an innocent story filled with romance. 

But the only problem? It was written from the reader's point of view. He checked a few others, and realised they were all written from the women's perspective, not his.

He sat back in his chair, turning his head such that he was looking at the ceiling, contemplating his options. 

You want her, the voice whispered.

Reluctantly, he typed the first word that came to his mind. Your name. 

Chris rested his chin on his palm, wondering where to start. If this were fiction, would tonight have gone different? Would you have visited his house for karaoke that night? 

Tapping his fingers on the desk, he bit his tongue in thought. Thinking it was better to start at the beginning, he started typing from his POV-

The first time I saw her I thought she was pretty. I saw her during meetings and the shooting. Then one day I saw her giving food to a homeless man-

Deleting his words, Chris shook his head. This was insane! Right? You were a real human being and it was unethical of him to write this! He needed to learn to handle his feelings. 

If you don't have the balls to fight for her, then be with her in the stories you write. Grow a spine Evans, whispered the insulting voice.

Hesitating, he tried to write another paragraph, which ended up getting deleted. 

Try again, the voice coaxed him. Pour your heart into this. Write better. 

Taking a sip of the beer, Chris started typing again-

It was lunchtime when I saw her arranging some equipment on the table. Her back was facing me as I carefully approached her, afraid to startle her. I breathed in her scent, light, floral and fresh, before whispering her name.

She turned around, a bit surprised to see me, but she smiled nevertheless. Oh gosh her smile. I had seen her smile a few times on the set, but in person, it took my breath away. 

"Hi," I managed to greet her shyly. She matched my response.

"I was wondering if you would like to sing karaoke with me? There's a karaoke party tonight at my house if you would like to come," I asked her hopefully.

Her expression turned remorseful as she apologised, "I cannot come Mr Evans. My fiancé won't let me."

Imagine my surprise when I found out about her fiancé. "I didn't know about your fiancé. Why won't he let you come?" I asked her, concerned as she started sniffing a bit.

"He's… he's very strict Mr Evans. He doesn't like it when I go out with my fri-friends or co-workers," she shared between her light sobs.

My heart broke into pieces on hearing her confession. I had often noticed her taciturn behaviour on the set, but I had no idea about the reason behind it.

I raised my hands to cup her face. I was itching to wipe her tears with my lips, but instead, I used my thumbs. 

"I want to help you. Please let me," I requested.

"Nobody can help me Mr Evans. I am stuck with a monster." She pulled a chain from underneath her shirt and I got a glimpse at the marks on her neck. "Aiden gave me this chain and locket instead of an engagement ring. He said it will be better than a ring. And now he-" she started sobbing harder. I pulled her into my chest, running my right hand through her hair as my left hand soothed her back.

"And now he uses it as a leash," my angel whispered, horrified, "he says I do not deserve a ring."

I hugged her tighter and thankfully, she buried her face in my chest, "You are no longer stuck with him. Are you listening to me?" I bent my face to bring my lips near her ears, "I will make sure that you are free of him."

She shook her head, reluctantly pulling away from me, "No Mr Evans. I cannot-"

"Yes you can," I interrupted her. "You are going to come to my house for karaoke tonight. Message Aiden right now, and tell him that I will be dropping you home. Okay?"

After some coaxing, she agreed. I held her close as she typed out the message, her hands shaking around her mobile phone. Finally she clicked on the SEND button.

I brushed a kiss on her forehead, "Wait for me in the back alley after the shoot, okay? I will pick you up from there."

She nodded gratefully in response.

I couldn't wait for the shoot to be over that day. In my eagerness, I even messed up a few takes, mumbling over my lines like an idiot. But eventually, I got through the day. 

I was excited when I picked her up after the shoot. I could see she was nervous and maybe a little bit scared, but she still entered my car anyway. So I made small talk with her and tried to put her mind at ease.

Finally, when we reached my house, she was in awe. 

"This is the most beautiful house I have ever seen Mr Evans," she gasped as I led her inside, "I don't think I have ever seen anything like it before!"

I chuckled, "I am happy you like it. It… it just feels empty sometimes, you know? I find loneliness ubiquitous in this house."

You looked at her puzzled expression and smiled. "Ubi-what was that word Mr Evans?" 

"Ubiquitous," I replied, "it means something that is present and is found everywhere."

"Ahh okay," she nodded, "thank you for teaching me."

"I will accept your gratitude only on one condition."

She tilted her head ever so slightly, "And what would that be Mr Evans?"

I smiled as I slightly bent down and held her hand, "You need to start calling me Christopher."

Visibly flustered, my angel looked down at her feet. "I-I can't Mr Evans," she said in a low voice.

"Why can't you?"

"I respect you too much sir," she confessed.

"Hey," I gently nudged her forehead with mine, "I want you to say my name. Please?" 

I stared into her eyes as she met mine. God.

There was something about her eyes that was absolutely riveting. The depth of her eyes pulled me in towards her as I read the plethora of emotions hidden within them. Her gaze searched my face for malice, deceit, but only found love and trust in return.

I slowly cupped her face as her breath hitched in her chest. I could feel my own heart race. Bringing my face as close as I could to hers, I whispered, the distance between our lips fast closing, "Please."

She parted her lips ever so slightly. I felt her warm breath on mine as she obliged, "Christopher."

I closed my eyes as I heard the most melodious symphony, my name draped in her sweet voice.

I dipped my head to kiss her, feel the shape of her lips, but she stepped back.

"I-I am st-still engaged Chris-Christopher," she stammered.

I straightened myself, my hands no longer cupping her face, "I understand. I am sorry. Would you like-"

Before I could finish, a car honked outside. While I was curious at the intrusion, her eyes widened with fear. 

"That's him," she gasped, "Aiden is here. He found me."

"How is that possible?"

"He has a location app installed on my phone through which he tracks my location," she revealed, visibly shaking at the thought of greeting her fiancé.

"Stay here. You will be safe inside. Let me handle him," I said, squeezing her shoulders.

I walked out of the house and towards the car. The vehicle didn't look in good shape, it's owner even more so.

Aiden manually rolled down his window and spat on the ground. Fumes of cheep alcohol and stale cigarette smoke escaped through the window. "Where is she?" he hollered.

"That's not your concern anymore. She's breaking up with you," I crossed my arms and stood facing him. "If you know what's good for you, you will leave her alone and stay out of her life."

Aiden exited the car at that threat, the door of the vehicle rattled as he opened it. "She said that?" he scoffed, "Color me surprised, I thought the little mouse had no fight left in her. Bring her out here. I want to hear," he wriggled a finger at me, "whatever the fuck you are saying from her own fucking mouth."

"Not going to happen Aiden. You followed her here against her own wishes. Now scoot off before I call the cops," I warned.

"You think I will be scared of some Hollywood prick who shits diamonds?" he sneered. 

"No. But you should be scared of the law. You are currently harassing the owner of this private property, not to mention you have clearly abused your girlfriend mentally, emotionally and physically. So be sensible," I took a step towards him, "and fuck off."

"STOP," she shouted as she trusted towards us. She stood in front of me, as if to guard me from her monster of a fiancé, "Please don't hurt him. I will come with you. Just let him be," she pleaded with him as he smirked. 

Before he could react, I pulled her behind me, making sure my body was shielding her from Aiden.

"She's a gold-digging bitch. You stay away from her," he pointed at me as he tried to reach her. 

I pushed him away once and kept my hand on his weak, thin torso. Turning my head, I asked her for the last time, "Are you sure you want to go with him? I can save you. I will protect you, provide for you and keep you happy!" I urged her.

She looked at me with hope and helplessness. Slowly, she glanced at Aiden who looked like he was ready to commit murder. Sobbing uncontrollably, she removed the chain with the sunflower locket and threw it at his feet. 

"Leave me alone," she managed to mumble at him.

Furious, Aiden growled and tried to pounce at her. Fortunately, I intervened on time and punched his sorry excuse of a face into the ground. 

She gasped as Aiden fell with a thud. Embarrassed, he slowly got up and dusted himself, muttering under his breath as he sat inside his wreck of a car. 

"Don't bother coming back to gather your stuff! I am burning it all tonight you cock-sucking bitch!" and with that outburst, Aiden was finally gone.

She was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably at what had just transpired. I wrapped her in my arms to let her know she was safe. Within moments, I felt her ease into my body. 

I closed my eyes and smiled, my nose buried into her hair. My angel was safe. My angel was mine.

Chris blinked his eyes as he re-read his story. He already felt a whole lot lighter, his anxiety at ease, and mind exhausted. Clicking on SAVE, he finished the last of his beer and went to sleep, hoping that this was the end to his problems. Little did he know about the horrors that awaited him, behind the door he had just opened by writing that fictional story.

__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__

Permanent tag: @donutloverxo

Chris Evans and his characters taglist: @onetwo3000

This story: @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @carpediemm-18

(If you guys don't want to be tagged in this, just let me know. No hard feelings 😊)

Taglists are open! Just comment, send an ask or a message!