#and also ignore how Old the second one is

[captain-ashby]

All of this and more. I loved this game a lot, it had many strengths, and for me it stands next to the others in the series, if an inch or two lower. However this IS the heart of most of the problems with this game: the writers refused to allow conflict except with the antaam, the venatori, and the elven gods.

All the previous dragon age and mass effect games revolved around the fact that even the world's/galaxy's saviors are people who had one goal: save the world/galaxy, no matter how broken it is and how much you are hated. The HoF fought simultaneously against and for a nation that believed wholeheartedly that they were traitors. Hawke and his family/companions are made up of people that are considered the scum of the world. The Inquistor is wrongly persecuted as a heretic and has to fight against overwhelming religious and political pushback. Shephard CONSTANTLY is treated as little more than nuisance until the galaxy ending threat has already started, despite being one of the most decorated soldiers in the galaxy.

On top of this, their companions are a constant source of conflict. Tali/Legion, Jack/Miranda, Alistair/Morrigain, the entire da2 team, Solas/Sera, Dorian/Bull. Almost all the companions have centuries old prejudice baked into them, and more often than not they are willing to betray you and each other for their own goals. Where all of these games shine is leaning into that, working through the conflicts, and resolving them in ways that are satisfying.

Rook and his team face almost no pushback. Lucanis is a murderer and an abomination. Taash is Qunari, who are by and large considered zealous and violent conquerors. Davrin and Bellara have just had their gods almost destroy the world, and elves are almost always second-class citizens. Necromancy is not just accepted by the rest of the Thedas as just another school of magic.

In fact, mages in general no longer face any of the persecution they used to, despite the fact that Elgar'Nan, Ghilan'Nain and Solas are the most powerful mages to ever live and are responsible for almost all the major ills of the world. All of this isn't because the Veilguard has proven to the world that their prejudices are wrong, it is just... not addressed. Ignored. Rook is respected by everyone bar the comical villains (even then The Butcher respects you with no effort on the players part), with the exception of the people of the city Rook didn't personally go fight a high dragon for because they were busy fighting another one elsewhere.

And there's the crux. Theres no proving that you are the one in the right, or that there's a bigger evil to focus on. No political maneuvering. Theres not even really any conflict resolved outside of killing Venatori, Antaam, and darkspawn, all of whom are outcasts from any real society and as such have no real ramifications to being destroyed. The other BioWare heroes succeeded despite the world they were saving not wanting them, Rook succeeds because everyone puts their entire faith into one person.

Again, I enjoyed this game very much. But it forgets that "fighting against impossible odds" doesnt just mean mortal against deity, but also nation against nation, race against race, and ally against ally. Everyone in Veilguard comes across as a good person in need of a little therapy, when bioware as a whole thrives on stories about inherently flawed and tragic characters rallying together to do what MUST be done to save an ultimately ungrateful people.

TLDR: One line from the Inquisitor in Trespasser perfectly sums up the inherent frustration that permeates all other bioware games to create compelling stories, which I believe is the missing thread from Veilguard: "Dammit! We save Ferelden, and they're angry. We save Orlais, and they're angry. We close the Breach twice, and my own hand wants to kill me. Could one thing in this fucking world just stay fixed?!"

Why Fenris could Never Cameo in Dragon Age: The Veilguard

In the run up to Dragon age: The Veilguard, I was almost certain that Fenris would be our main legacy character from previous games. Not only has he been central in the comics released between DAI and DATV, he is an escaped Tevinter slave who's plot revolved around magisters, magic and the structural prejudices surrounding elves in Thedas. Not only that, but he's canonically in Tevinter killing slavers currently so he's geographically in the right place for us to meet him.

About halfway through the game though, it was clear to me: Fenris could never cameo in The Veilguard. Because he'd break it.

How the Veilguard treats Thedas is...odd to me, to say the least. I will be writing another post about how much I adored the expanded big lore in this game (the titans, ancient elves were spirits, where the blight came from etc.) and yet while these large lore expansions worked for me, the actual culture of modern Thedas is entirely softened, its sharp edges filed down until it's a sanitised fantasy world devoid of what made the franchise so vibrant and compelling in the first place.

So let's start with Fenris and slavery. In all three games, the reality of slavery is pushing at the corners of the world. In DAO Loghain allows Tevinter Magisters to enslave elves in order to raise money for his war effort. In DA2 Fenris is fighting to be free from slavers who will not leave him be, let alone the reminders that the city was built by slaves which are everywhere. In DAI one of the two possible mini-bosses is Calpurnia who was a slave, and characters such as Gatt and Dorian both show us how much slavery is tied into Tevinters culture and success.

But DATV the first game actually set in Tevinter where we get to see the famed Minrathous...it's like the game purposefully wants to avoid the issue. I can feel it tilting the camera away to not allow me to see. Slavery is mentioned, but never talked about in depth or as a specifically ELVEN problem in Tevinter. This might have been done to be less problematic, it feels ignored.

We are in DOCK TOWN. We are at the DOCKS. You would think that slaves from all over Thedas who are being smuggled and bought by various groups would be everywhere. You would think that the injustice in dock town would be partly built on the back of ships we've seen in the comics crammed with elves in chains. This is the world Dragon age set up for us. And yet...nothing. zilch. A tiny easily skippable side quest where we free a couple of venatori slaves, but only one of whom is an elf.

None of our Tevinter characters seem to have been influenced by their culture even a little bit when it comes to how they view elves; there is no moment when Neve fucks up and says something prejudiced, no moment when Bellara or Davrin are distrustful of her for being a Tevinter mage.

The same goes for Zevran; a character who epitomised the issues with the crows. The crows have consistently been characterised as very morally dubious assassins who kill for the highest bidder and who buy children on the slave market and torture them as they grow in order to assure that they reach maturity able to withstand torture without giving away a client's name. Zevran is very explicit about the fact that if you fail a contract your life is forefit.

Nobody responds particularly to you if you're an elf. Nobody trusts rook less for it in Tevinter. Nobody treats Rook any differently. Even DAI had better mechanics for this; with nobles in Orlais less likely to trust you as an elf.

Considering one of the main plot points of this game and what makes Solas sympathetic is the fact that he was fighting against the slavery of ancient elves...you'd think the game might want to mirror that in modern Thedas. It might want to show us how characters fighting to end slavery in Tevinter are similar to Solas and how the society Solas fought against was similar to the one that characters we love such as Fenris have fought against in modern Thedas. Maybe we'd want to explore how in a world of slavery like this, how could the answer NOT be to tear it all down? Maybe we should have that option at the end of the game so it really can chose whether we agree with Solas and his plans or not.

Adding Fenris to this game would entirely break the game because Fenris refuses to allow you to look away from this horror. He is a sympathetic character who had to learn to trust mages again because of course he didn't trust them. Of course he didn't. Fenris wouldn't allow the camera to shift focus because he's literally covered in the lyrium scars that show how slaves are used as experiments in Tevinter. Fenris WOULD question Neve on how she feels about elves and slaves. Fenris WOULD have things to say about Lucanis and the crows (let alone the fact Lucanis is an abomonation). So he could never be in this game; he'd drop a bomb on it's carefully constructed blinders to the very society its supposed to be set in.

And yet, in DATV, the crows are presented as...a found family of misfits and orphans? The politician who opposes the crows having absolute power in Antiva is framed as a comically evil idiot who doesn't understand that the crows are ontologically good. Yet...they're NOT. Crows in this game act more like a secret rebel group than an assassin organisation. We see no crow taking contracts with the VERY RICH venatori magisters despite being hired killers. We see crows just refuse to kill people despite having a contract because 'its crueler to leave them alive'. The crows don't feel like the crows here, they feel like a softened version of a cool assassin group who are cool because they wear black and purple.

Our pirate group are also sanitised; the Lords of Fortune are good pirates who only steal treasure that's not culturally significant. Theyve clearly read the modern critiques of the British Museum and have decided to explicitly stop anyone levelling similar critiques at them. There is no faction of the Lords of Fortune who aren't like this, no internal arguments about it. Everyone just. Agrees. And is able to accurately tell what a cultural artifact is vs. what treasure that you can have yourself is. Rather than showing us why a pirate stealing cultural artifacts might be bad (like in da2 where such a situation literally causes a coup and a war) it just tells us it's bad. But also pirates are cool so we still want them in our world.

This issue seaps into Thedas and drains it of any of the interesting complexity and ability to SAY anything that this franchise had before this game. It becomes a game about telling and not showing rather than the other way around. The games have ALWAYS asked questions about oppressive structural systems and their interplay with society, religion and culture and how these things can affect even the most well meaning character. Dragon age at its best IS a game about society and how society functions both for and against it's characters and what happens to societies built on cruelty and indifference. The best bad guys dragon age has given us are those who are bad because they embody these systems or have been shaped by them. Our main characters have had to wrestle with questions surrounding how to exist in these systems, fight against them, learn and grow.

Yet every group you come across in DATV is sanitised and cleaned up to the point of being as non problematic as humanly possible. None of our cast of characters have to wrestle with where they came from or the world that shaped them. None of them have to confront their own biases. They start the game perfectly non-problematic and end it that way too.

And this just...isn't what Dragon Age has been in the past. It isn't why I love the franchise. The whole game just felt, in a way, hollow. And this was a CHOICE and it is why the legacy characters are few and far between. Too many dragon age characters are just too...angry and complex for this game. You can feel them pulling their punches on this one. I have to imagine they did this because they didn't want to be criticised or have too much controversy? But I think it honestly goes far too much in the other direction and just makes it bland.

I can't imagine what I say here will be unique, but it is the basis for a LOT of my other thoughts on this game so I wanted to get it out of the way first. The softened Thedas and characters make this game by far the weakest in the franchise.

[ppssession]

Rebirth must be like this!!!

(There may be some spoilers)

Ava is a thirty-year-old man. He has an ordinary life, whether it's about his job or his looks. The only thing that makes Ava feel happy is playing games with his friends. The game is League of Legends.

One day, while Eva and her friends were playing a game on Sunday, Eva's glass of water that was next to her accidentally spilled. The water soaked the entire electrical outlet, causing Eva to get electrocuted. But the strange thing is that before he lost consciousness, he heard his friends screaming in pain as well.

How much time passed, Eva slowly woke up strangely, he was shocked to find that it was different, his body looked thin and emaciated, his body that used to be tall looked shorter, suddenly he was kicked by another man, the man said that Ava was lazy and weak, the confused Eva ran away, despite the strange man's voice calling for him to stop, he ignored him, he ran outside into the city, he was shocked when it was a very strange view of him, the nature here looked very beautiful.

Ava slowly walked back into the city. She tried to eavesdrop to find out where this place was. From what she had heard, how could this place be Ionia? Ava wondered. This place was the name of a location in the League of Legends game she was playing. The strange thing was that the people of Ionia were usually peaceful, but from what she had seen while walking through the city, she often came across people who seemed dangerous.

“Let’s go check it out. There’s a fierce battle in the Arena.” A shout from behind caught Ava’s attention. As far as Ava knew, there was only one Arena in Ionia. He charged towards the Arena. He was shocked to see Sett, the champion from the game he used to play. He knew immediately that he had entered the League of Legends game he used to play.

Ava watched the fierce battle from the sidelines. When the battle ended, he left the arena, thinking about how he would live in this world.

Two days later….

Ava's life as a citizen of Ionia was quite boring for him, no different from his previous life, except he no longer had the entertainment media like the League of Legends game. He wandered outside, wondering why his second life after being reborn was so boring.

He tripped over a tree root in the forest, causing him to fall into a strange hole. The hole led Ava to a strange temple, decorated in black and looking like it had been abandoned for a long time.

When Ava entered the temple, he found a box containing a strange message written on it.

“Shadow Art is a power used to kill enemies with invisible agility. But who would have thought that the other side of the art used to kill people is also used to control people?”

The art was the power of shadows, the power that would turn the user into a shadow. Ava read with curiosity, how could turning a person's body into a shadow be able to control them, but his doubts were immediately crushed as he continued reading.

People often think that a person's soul resides in their body, that's true but not all, their soul is expressed in their shadows, when they can control their shadows they can control their soul, when they can control their soul they can control their body, but the subject you are about to read is about devouring the shadows of others and replacing them with your own, do you want to use it?

Ava thought about the consequences, he would become a shadow and be able to replace other people's souls, it was not much different from possessing a body, he decided to receive the power of the shadow, he saw a black ring in the box, he picked it up, suddenly the ring shattered and released black energy, the black energy merged with Ava's body, his body slowly turned black, his eyes were black and red. "That's right, I felt the power changing my body." When Ava's body turned into a shadow, Ava's shadow disappeared.

Ava's shadow crawled into the arena as the battle ended. Sett, who was preparing to return home, had fallen prey to Ava.

Ava's shadow was getting closer to Sett. Ava's shadow was slowly consuming Sett's shadow. Sett, who was starting to feel a strange threat, tried to find the reason for this strange feeling. "Come out, coward, come out…" Sett was starting to lose control, his body was starting to not listen to his commands anymore. As Ava's shadow devoured Sett's body.

Ava's shadow devoured Sett's shadow as the last part of Ava's shadow swept into Sett's shadow, replacing Sett's original shadow. Sett's body convulsed before slowly calming down, his eyes turning black-red for a moment before returning to their original color when Ava had possessed Sett, the hottest champion in the arena.

He flexed his big muscles. “This is the right thing to do haha.” Ava noticed the bulge in his pants. “Look how big your new little brother is.” He pulled down his pants, releasing his big penis.

Without delay, he started using his big hand to masturbate himself. His hand went all over his big penis, going up and down, touching the tip of his cock, and using his other hand to play with his erect nipples.

It wasn't long before he reached his climax. His cock released a large amount of white liquid, as if it was the first time in months. Ava's moans in Sett's body slowly slowed down before she said, "This is the best. The new body should be like this."

1 month later

There have been some strange rumors about the Arena lately. One of the champions here is often seen masturbating in private, but that was just a rumor. The rumors that many people were talking about gradually disappeared when Sett appeared in the arena.

But very few people felt that Sett's muscles were more defined and his crotch was as prominent as his beautiful muscles.

When asked about this, Sett often responded with a strange answer: "Huh? A bulge in his pants? My little brother is getting hard. If you don't want to get beaten, then don't bother me with this kind of nonsense anymore. I don't want to waste my time with this kind of nonsense anymore."

This is my first story using characters from a game. I had a little trouble making everyone understand the game world a little bit. I hope you like it. See you next story. Bye.Oh yeah, remember the guys who screamed when Ava got electrocuted? Do you think they'll be sent to the League of Legends world? What do you think? Let me know ^^

[rottenherbs]

Taken Seriously // H.P x reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: Coming back to Hogwarts to start your 6th year, you had quite the “glow up” over the summer. You visited family over in America and may or may not have gotten several piercings. Most Hogwarts students were tame with their appearance, but you weren’t one to follow trends. How would a certain black haired boy react? Did you remind him of someone? (y/n/n: your nick name)

Author's Note: This one was written for me TBH. I am heavily tattooed and pierced and kinda day dream what a 24 year old me would look like in hogwarts. Not really aging up anyone to my age, but … yea know —

// Requests Open! Should I make this a series? // 

Much love, Saige

———- 

Your mother called you rebellious, in a loving way of course but she worried about sending you off to school a little more this year. 

“Mom no one will probably care.” You laugh, her soft hands resting on your shoulders. She looks over your features once more, the sound of the train and whistles reminding you both that you needed to go. She sighed and placed a kiss between your eyes. 

“I know. I love you for exactly who you are.” She smiled, pulling her hands back from your sides. You and your mom had a bond like no other, her scarlet hair matching yours, a small dimple on her left cheek, and a small birthmark placed between your eyebrows. You could’ve been twins in another life. Love radiated through you pulling her in for one more hug. 

“I'll be home for the holidays. I promise.” You whispered into her ear. You felt her relax in your arms. You let go giving her a small wink grabbing your positions to board the train. You take a few steps looking back.

“Write to me! Please!” Your mom shouted toward you, her smile strong yet a tear dropping down her cheek. You blew her a kiss and nodded. You looked forward to following the small line of students through the train looking for any open seats. Unluckily for you, most compartments were full to the brim. Students you’ve never spoken to looked at you, some in awe, some in disdain. You shoved your bag over your shoulder and kept walking with your chin proudly. 

You looked into a compartment immediately making eye contact with the group you dreaded the most, you turned and rolled your eyes but it was too late. 

“OY! Look at the gryffindor rascal now” Draco started standing from his seat. “Looks like you got hit with some metal to the face. Was any of that intentional?” He started, his goons laughing. The students waiting around all turned tuning in to the scene enveloping. You tried to look forward ignoring him but the line of students wouldn’t budge. You were stuck like an animal in a zoo, all of these eyes bouncing between you and Malfoy. 

“I'd never. Not that you were particularly pretty before, but this really didn’t help your case.” Pansy quipped. Not that you didn’t expect the backlash, especially from the prissy bitch herself, but hearing it was enough to make your blood boil. Over the summer you didn’t just get piercings, but you grew a few inches, your body stronger from quidditch practice. You felt more confident in your personal appearance but also your ability to stand up for yourself. 

“You talk a lot of shit for someone who can’t fight Pansy.” You turn eyeing her down. Over the years you have gotten absolutely sick of the entire slytherin house. For a group of students who were seen as the gloomy emo one, boy did they hate any sense of alternative fashion. 

The compartment hushed quickly. Your height towering over her body still sitting on the boothed chair. You could feel the anger rising in you, your hands balling into fists. You had no intent of using your wand, just imagining the idea of lashing out fist-to-cuffs.

You felt students moving ahead of you forcefully to let someone through but you were too focused on the movements of Draco. You could feel the seconds slow as Draco took a step forward, his face red, brows furrowed. His hand slipped into his pocket gripping his wand. Just before he had the chance to pull it out, both of you turned to see who was coming down the aisle, ready to stop if a professor arrived. 

“Stop. Stop. Stop.” Harry appeared next to you, his hand wrapping around your wrist pulling you forward both forcing you out of your anger and the situation. You were being pulled through the students; bumping into everyone you passed. He moved with vigor but not looking back at you, focused on only what was in front of him. You felt your shoulders relax the longer it took to get to his compartment. The crowd dispersed and he found a place to slow down. 

“Harry sorry i know my emotions got the best-“ You started. He turned around still holding your wrist.

”I heard what they said. I don't blame you.” He said softly. “A physical fight is not the best way to start the year.” He smiled looking over your face, his face morphing with curiosity as he noticed your new facial jewelry. 

“Wow” He said breathlessly. You looked back at him wide eyed, not sure if he liked them or not. Moments passed and you weren’t sure he had ever looked at you this long before, your cheeks slowly turning pink. You noticed how your heights now matched, now eye to eye. You swear he glanced at your lips several times but you were still high on adrenaline from before.. right?

“It’s amazing.” He finished. His eyebrows furrowed as he pointed just above your eye. “How bad did those hurt? I can't even imagine.” He laughed quietly rubbing his eyebrows where your piercings sit. You chuckled lightly.

”Only a pinch I promise. Maybe I’ll do yours sometime this school year.” You joked seeing his face seethed dramatically, imagining the pain. 

“Maybe you can convince Ron, not me.” He laughed, opening the compartment ushering you in.  Hermione jumped greeting you with a hug. 

”y/n!” Her arms were so tight around your torso squeezing you as tightly as she could. 

“Now those are wicked.” Ron exasperated, pointing quickly close to your nose, your gauged septum hanging from your nostrils. 

“Don't pick my nose weasley, so help me.” You joked, Hermione pulling away from her hug. You all sat together talking about your piercings for a few minutes before the conversation moved away to the beginning of the school year. You missed them, happy that you were back to normalcy. All of you shared chocolate frogs and talked about the ministry. You were all just teenagers but the conversation was serious and daunting.

You caught Harry’s gaze a few times. You shook it off thinking he was just looking at your piercings, but he was more interested in how it fit your features so naturally. He didn’t know of anyone with such adornments but he was so infatuated with how more comfortable you seemed with these pieces of self expression. You reminded him of something, or someone but he couldnt put his finger on it. It took him the whole train ride as he wracked his own brain, distracted from the conversations you Ron and Hermione continued. 

The train came to a halt and it felt like a light went off in Harry's brain. He looked over to you, laughing at something Ron just said but all he could think about was how much you reminded him of Sirius. He felt his heart race and his breath shallow. He could feel himself staring at you, seeing him in your mannerisms and the way your hair fell. You were strong, didn’t back down from a fight, and never hid your true feelings or artistic expressions. You were different but so similar it made his heart ache. You broke him from his trance standing up. 

“Let’s go, Harry. We’ve made it.” You smiled over to him from the doorway, waiting for him to join you. Ron and Hermione were already long gone down the train and it was just you two. He didn’t realize how much time had passed, his attention stuck in his own thoughts. He got up, a little hesitant but smiled effectively as he met you outside the compartment. You two walked off the train quietly just enjoying the scenery and silence. You cleared your throat still feeling like his mind was somewhere else. It worried you. 

“You doing okay over there Potter?” You asked, chuckling lightly. You walked shoulder to shoulder down the pathway towards the carriages. 

“Yeah sorry.  My mind is just.. elsewhere.” He mumbled looking over at you. You made him nervous and he wasn't sure why. You have been friends for years, since the beginning. He always wanted to keep it a friendship between you two, afraid of losing you or ruining it if you didn’t feel the same. He loved the quartet between Ron and Hermione. Everyone balanced each other and it killed him to think you'd leave because of his feelings. It overwhelmed him to silence now that it was so clear. He absolutely loved you. 

You two got to the carriages that take you to the school, Professor Flitwick waiting for you both. 

“Hurry now you must be the last ones!” His hands ruffled some papers looking dramatically. “Names?” He coughed looking up at you both.

”Professor, you can't be serious.” Harry said, looking between you and Flitwick. 

“No exceptions Potter!” He sternly replied, his shoulder slumped realizing his mistake. You laughed, pulling Harry ahead to climb the stairs to the carriage. After a moment you looked across at Harry. 

“You can tell me anything you know.” You mumbled, a second attempt to get him to open up to you. Something was clearly bothering him. You notice him shift in his seat nervously, his hands entwined with his own tightly.

”I know y/n/n. I just don't want to lose.. all this.” He gestured vaguely around. You shook your head and laughed slightly not understanding. 

“Listen, if it's about you-know-who we are doing everything we can.” You said looking around. “We're safe here. For now at least.” You smiled at him, reaching across, resting your hand on his knee. His breath hitched as you touched him. 

“It's not about the school.” He whispered his hands unraveling from themselves. You could see how his demeanor changed. The way he avoided looking at you. You moved and sat next to him, your hand still resting on his knee. 

“Harry. Please.” You whispered leaning in. You cared so deeply for this boy, the look on his face was something new. He has been afraid of the impending war but he was strong, stoic, and almost impervious to the dangers he faced each year. This was more subtle, more emotional. He turned to face you, his hand resting on top of yours now. 

“I don't want to lose you.” His voice was low but it hit you like knives. He was still heartbroken by the loss of Sirius just months ago, losing someone so close to him made him more aware of the implications of those around him fighting his fight for him. You reminded him so deeply of him, terrified of the fate of you now that you were so close to him. He didn’t know what was worse, not taking the chance to spend the time with you, or losing you later never being truthful with his feelings. 

If as the world stopped, he grabbed your face kissing you softly. You were taken back by the gesture, soon melting into his arms. Your hand moving from his knee to his waist, grabbing his robes. As the carriage bounced you both held each other, kissing deeper but slowly. It was clumsy and heated. His hands held your face steady as both of your bodies bounced from the rough roads. His glasses hit your cheeks as you tilted your head, trying to not break from the kiss. You’d do anything to make the carriage stop in the woods, leaving just you two alone for as long as possible. 

You dreamt of this moment, day and night, the possibility of holding his hand. Being there for him in more ways than just friendly. You’d do anything for him, to ease his pain, to listen to his stories, to hear his laugh. Every feeling of admiration and yearning rushed through you as the kiss slowed to an end. Nervous to look into his eyes, blushing deeply you kept your hands on his waist.  He leaned back rubbing his thumb across your bottom lip, his hands still cupping your hands. 

Harry did not speak. In between a state of shock and disbelief in his own actions. Half of him wanted to tell Ron and Hermione what just happened, but the other half wanted to take the secret with him to the grave. For just this moment it was only you two. Your lips both still wet from the kiss, smiling shyly at each other. You both waited for each other to be the first to speak. You looked down and grabbed his hand, your fingers trembling slightly. You leaned your head on his shoulder, both of you silently holding each other as you made it to the castle. 

A whirlwind of emotions the past few hours have been, what could happen the rest of the year?

[neptunescore]

Still seeing so much shit everywhere abt both charles and carlos, like it's reaching a peak.

I just don't understand why both fanbases are destroying the other, when the only one to blame is the TEAM. ITS FERRARI. THEY ARE THE PROBLEM!!!

I'm not even gonna talk abt the pitting calls, bc that was just one major fuck up after another. However, I will talk abt the absolute shite communication that ferrari had with both drivers that led to whatever war between fans is happening right now.

On one hand, we have ferrari telling Charles that carlos wouldn't overtake him, and on the other, we have ferrari telling carlos not to pressure Charles. Most of you might think it's the exact same thing, but it really isn't guys. In no way did Carlos pressure Charles. Carlos' tyres were 2 laps old. They were heated up. Charles was PARALLEL to Carlos upon pit exit (NOT ahead). Charles had new, cold, dead tyres, all carlos literally had to do was drive arnd him, there was no pressuring.

A lot of ppl are also talking about how the results for ferrari would've been much better if Carlos had let Charles past... yeah no. They wouldn't have. Mercedes was absolutely on fire this week. There was genuinely no way Ferrari could've gotten any better result than a P3 and P4, and telling one driver to give up a podium position just to try and cement your other drivers standing as SECOND place in the drivers standings?? Um... yh that's just in bad taste.

Also, ppl are arguing over the stat they showed that if the team would've just listened to Carlos' requests about pitting earlier, he would've ended ahead of Lewis. Personally, I don't think that would've happened, BUT I do believe there would've been a much larger chance of Carlos and Charles being closer to the Merc if Ferrari had just LISTENED to their drivers.

And abt this radio msg:

I honestly don't think Charles was even talking abt Carlos here, this is just him talking abt the team. I feel Charles has ALWAYS blindly trusted the team, done whatever they told him to do. Then we have Carlos, he argues back. Tells the team what he thinks would be better. Ignores orders sometimes to do what he thinks would be better, and it ALWAYS is better. This is Charles being over it, and I'm glad. I'm glad he's over it. Ferrari need to get their heads out of their asses and listen to their drivers because it is reaching a point.

Sidenote:

This radio msg mad me laugh so hard (literally as a carlos fan), idk why y'all are talking abt how it's XENOPHOBIC??? LMFAOOO that's a MAD reach. Carlos is literally a slightly tanned European man BWAHAHAHAH, as a POC I feel slightly mad abt all of u losing ur ahit over this yet when it comes to injustices done to ACTUAL POC drivers, everyone stays silent?? Yh shut up.

I feel u guys forget that this is a competitive sport where drivers are filled to the brim with adrenaline, ofc Charles is gonna make some comments when things don't go the way he thinks they will.

Anywayyy, that's my rant done. Just had to get all this shit out. Even if none of this is true or what acc happend I still stand with my drivers rights and wrongs, so Carlos my pookie dw I love you ur so real.

[zahlibeth]

look ma, i made mittens!

fingerless of course, because I need the dexterity for holding the hand of a squirmy six year old, or typing on my phone. I like them extra long and then I can curl my fingers into the body of the gloves when it gets really cold!

yarn arapey and pocion - malabrigo ultimate sock, 2.75mm needles ohhh this yarn is beautiful and easy to work with and both skeins were much more even than the last sock yarn I used. I knit two-at-a-time so one mitten comes from the start of the skein and one from the end and both pairs of mittens are very evenly matched.

patterns in both cases I ignored the suggested cuff length and just did about an inch of ribbing before starting the increases. Then I kept knitting the body of the glove until about the first knuckle on my little finger and mirrored the ribbing before binding off.

arapey (light): hidden gusset by mone dräger - would recommend, this one was a delight. I'm affectionately mad at the beautiful half-twisted rib because it takes so long but it looks so much better than standard 1x1 rib. The travelling diagonal will cause an issue at some point for two-at-a-time, but you can always sneak stitches round to the other needle by careful use of stitch markers etc. The slow rib section is balanced by the nice easy knit section round the middle, so it goes fast at that point. I picked up 5 stitches over the thumb rather than 3 and then immediately reduced, and also did the reduction in pattern. It's not perfect, but the resulting diamond is a fun little hidden detail.

Bind off is Jeny's surprisingly stretchy bind off done in pattern (so ktbl) with a 3.5mm crochet hook.

pocion (dark): carbon fingerless mitts by shanna felice - LOVE the design on these. do not recommend this specific pattern (this one may be better? it also demonstrates a two-tone version I love, which helps clarify how it works too, though it's a one-float vs a two-float version). The hexagons are cute and super easy to do, it's just scooping floats up and the pattern is easy to remember. Plus it looks very cool on variagated yarn like this. For this specific pattern the thumb is particularly Weird, it's way way too big - I tried to hide it a little in the photos but it does gape strangely around the base of the thumb and I had to put some hardcore decreasing into the thumb itself. The irony is that I did this pattern second and it's the same yarn, so I really should have been able to spot the glaring difference in the number of stitches reserved for the thumb - 19 vs 28?! Also this pattern had no suggestion to pick up stitches over the gap when joining for the thumb?? I ignored that of course, picked up 5 as above and figured out a lil set of decreases before starting the ribbing so they're wearable. The picture from cast off, before they'd been stretched out by wearing, is hilarious:

The body of the gloves is bigger too, which was somewhat on purpose, so I used a different bind off which is less stretchy - k1, k1, knit both through the backloop. Felt very weird to bind off with a knitting needle, I just always default to a crochet hook. I suppose there's nothing stopping me doing this bind off with a hook??

other notes still hardcore recommend two-at-a-time despite the need to wiggle the pattern occasionally. There are some places in each pair where I messed up a tiny bit, but I messed up identically which makes it very easy to just quietly fix and move on. It's a pain to get started for my usual cast-on and join, but I figured a way around that too. I ended up casting on and joining the entire first mitten, and shifting it out of the way. Then you cast on half (+1) of the stitches for the next mitten on to the "front" needle, and purlwise point-to-point shift them on to the back needle. Then cast the remaining stitches (easiest to do if you hold the needles 90 degrees to each other) and do my usual join which involves carrying the first stitch back to the front needle, passing over the last stitch and slipping the last stitch off.

I deliberately set these up so the lighter pair are...lighter - they're a tighter fit and a little less warm. The darker pair are a little looser to trap air and bulkier with all those hexagon lines, perfect for the winter. Yes, colour wise it looked better to photograph the light with the winter snow and the dark with the autumn leaves, but we can ignore that for the aesthetics.

I have never worn gloves so consistently as I'm wearing both of these, they are so fucking comfortable I'm in love.

[astronnova]

women with horns

[fluffypotatey]

*puts on my Professor glasses* Macky really knows EXACTLY how to talk to Wukong, let's dissect it! M: Looks like things are going smoothly. W: I say, you've been here the whole time, haven't you? M: FFM is your home, but it's also mine. W: Did you find anything? M: Still nothing, however. Now the Jade Emperor is no longer present. The Celestial Realm already gives me an unsettling feeling. M: Wukong...that kid. W: I understand. M: You have to go and talk to him. W: I know! But...he still isn't ready. M: I see. You're the one who isn't ready, yet. How did you even become a teacher! M: He has to be. We all have to be realistic. W: He's just a kid. We can't let him... M: Who says he's just a kid! Why is it him? When you chose him, did you know? W: I didn't know, I really didn't know! I just followed...a feeling. M: Are you not the least bit worried?! This child has all of your special powers, and he always runs into trouble. Have you never questioned this before? Not a single person knows where he came from. Is it not strange?! M: We still have no clue as to whoever let out Azure Lion. All your old foes returned in one swoop. Are you not even a little- W: Then what about you? You also suddenly came back. M: Argh- M: I say, someone must be manipulating us behind our backs. Especially Xiaotian. But they still haven't succeeded. W: Then tell me. What about you? M: Tell me do you want my help or not?! / W: Not long ago you were still against me! / M: I see, you're just a- / W: ...after I assume you'll teach me how to train my own disciples? ~ Xiaotian Interupts ~ M: Look. That kid has made you his idol. You're his one true hero, but you... W: But I what? M: He has to understand, he doesn't need to carry these burdens. You have to do better. You can really tell whose the chatty one in this relationship XD Wukong might be a lil annoyed, but he's tolerant. And Macky is a little playful turd as always. Where Wukong gets gloomy and concerned, Mac swaps between teasing and serious in a blink. Then things get a lot more strained and tense, but unlike their previous fights, it never escalates into violence. Never a growl, never a raised fist. They're right at the edge, and they drop it. I'm very much interested in the psychology of arguments and when it comes to people latching onto (1) thing a person says and relating it slightly off topic to avoid talking about that other thing, like Wukong is doing here. It's so cool seeing how physical they are in trying to visibly control their emotions around each other, and how they keep trying to hold themselves back from tearing in further, always pausing and halting, and switching to another thing. They're TRYING. Ugh. I think Mac was trying to give a comforting smile at the end, but it's kinda warped by the whole ~ everything else. ~ Anyhow, I like how this starts with Wukong establishing, or rather cementing to Macaque that he believes MK is a kid. And while Macaque argues against that, he did also say before that Wukong should talk to him. And they have their squabble, with Mac pushing Wukong's buttons to get him to say something, BUT the fact this gets resolved with he needs to understand he doesn't need to carry these burdens. YOU HAVE TO DO BETTER. Like of all things Mac could have chosen. He's playing right into what Wukong himself believes, that will overwrite the "MK isn't ready" thing. Because let's face it. Mac is right when he says Wukong also isn't ready for that talk yet. He's so down throughout all this, Wukong probably feels himself that he needs to be better. AND by appealing to the fact MK is a kid, without explicitly stating that, just a statement that cannot be denied, BUT is a subject that undoubtedly, even Wukong cannot avoid. Because he wants better for MK. For him to not walk down the same path as him. Macaque has basically nudged Wukong into having that talk he wanted with MK by reframing it differently from what Wukong wasn't ready for. Thoughts? Critique?

*squishes you* anon…anon, you’re telling me..that this was the actual dialogue between SWK and Macky in 5x01. that what i just read is the translated version of the Mandarin dub. correct?

ok ok cool. i’m cool. gucci. feeling fantastic lemme just

WHAT THE FUCK LMK

ok so i ranted in the tags but realized i forgot to say more things (also i was worried i’d exceed the tag limit bc that is a real thing what do you know!)

so, anon, you said Macky knows how to talk to Wukong and yeah agreed but for me it’s for of the sense of “Macky knows how to get his words under Wukong’s skin”

he knows how to let his words sink in and fester in Wukong’s mind, making him reconsider things or another to help speed up certain decisions or choices Wukong is hesitating on. and ain’t it fascinating how despite how long it’s been since either character have talked or interacted with each other, they still know the ins and outs of their behavior and thoughts.

Macky knows Wukong needs to talk to MK but is holding back. Macky after one answer from Wukong realizes that it’s Wukong who isn’t ready for that conversation and switches tactics to try and breach that mental block

Wukong, in a need to avoid the conversation, brings up the questions surrounding Macky’s reason for even being alive again because that is information neither have talked about and oh hey! Macky is avoiding that conversation too! and it’s an important one to have so he pushes for it, but Macky knows it’s being pushed to avoid their original discussion and is annoyed bc “classic Wukong, never wanting to delve too deep into topics where he’ll need to be vulnerable for” (especially when said vulnerability is with his newly re-allied ex friend Macaroni himself)

god i love them

[autumngracy]

Not me creeping up to the wordcount of the fourth longest book ever written

[nervousmonolith]

thinking about the whole twt scam situation ™ again ough

[triple1st]

A COUPLE OF NOTES & EXPANDED CANON ON : ROMANA'S  BACKSTORY  + ASCENSION TO THE SEAT OF LORD PRESIDENT .

the gallifreyan chapterhouse to which romana belongs is somewhat unclear, while the gallifrey audio series (a primary source which informs several key events within romana’s life & how i characterize her) unanimously agrees that she is from the house of heartshaven, it maintains a relation with house (of) dvora, romana openly referring to herself as : “ the inheritor of the house of dvora & the custodian of the house of everston . ” certain gallifreyans in the expanded universe also retain their chapterhouse in their full name, such as quences .  leela was also given a gallifreyan name containing her husband andred's chapterhouse, who belonged to the house of redlooms in the novels, later retconned to the house of deeptree in the audio series .  as such & in keeping with the history of house dvora throughout faction paradox, i've combined romana’s houses of origin into a single backstory .

romanadvoratrelundar was loomed as one of 20 cousins of house dvora, the house of devouring hounds, one of the oldest newblood houses of the prydonian chapter (newblood, essentially, refers to gallifreyans loomed utilizing an updated version of the universal biodata imprint which all looms on gallifrey draw from in order to weave new gallifreyans .  they possess a secondary heart & better control of their regeneration, something romana displays expertly in destiny of the daleks . every couple of centuries, this universal biodata imprint is updated with new genetic information drawn from the matrix as a way to replicate the natural evolutionary process undergone by every other living species, as all gallifreyans are sterile & thus any natural process is forcibly recreated mechanically using rassilon’s gift of technology) .  house dvora was among the most prideful & powerful chapterhouses in the prydonian academy .  it had, for generations now, ruthlessly & efficiently trained its 'children' for the roles of high office within the capitol .  it was infamous for the steel & ice present within the hearts of its members, a result of their upbringing .  impenetrable  ironic & sharp around the edges, all of house dvora’s cousins strove to achieve great things, obtain the unimaginable power granted by gallifrey’s highest office all to make house dvora & their kithriarch proud .

romana was no different, not at first, she was loomed in the generation following morbius, the last successor of house dvora who went on to become lord president of the high council of time lords, only a few years into his presidency .  she shined brightly among her cousins, commanding, beautiful, smart, endless potential following in her path .  romana was considered by the house kithriarch (the head of the household, its caretaker, responsible for the social well-being of each family member) to be dvora’s finest, the only cousin of twenty who would bring great pride to the house & become everything it wanted of her .  however, romana never felt the pride house dvora took in her .  much like her cousins, she was kept under strict expectations, monitored by her mechanical caretakers, pushed to her limits by the voices trapped within the walls of the house, whispering of the great legacy of her ancestors & their disappointment should she ever disobey .  house dvora’s treatment would only worsen when romana showed a streak of compassion for her fellow cousins, helping them out on one of many brain-buffing (teaching, essentially) exercises .  such things are unbecoming of members of house dvora .  like all gallifreyans, they are taught the values of selfishness, to seek only their own interests first & to curb those interests in relation to the house itself .  romana’s behavior was considered a malfunction of the house loom, an error of birth & something the house kithriarch would take personal responsibility to fix .

fortunately, he never got the chace, as this coincided with the imperator crisis, lord president morbius showing his true nature, putting gallifrey on a warpath with the rest of the universe & overthrowing its anti-interventionist policy .  upon his defeat by the alliance formed by the high council & his subsequent trial & execution by the sisterhood of karn, house dvora would devour itself in shame .  shame to have produced such a warmongering tyrant, shame to have brought disaster & ruin to gallifrey, shame to have had its name tarnished by one of its star pupils . romana, along with any surviving cousins who were not present within the walls of their house as it collapsed in on itself, were taken by the prydonian chapter castellan & dispersed among other surviving chapterhouses .  she became a foundling of the house of heartshaven, one of 35 cousins, & her memories of house dvora were lost when her brain-buffing was readjusted for her new home .  heartshaven was a lesser known house whose members became archivists, officials of more mundane offices, keepers of the matrix & even chancellery guards .  she spent a total of fifty years within the walls of heartshaven, only twenty or so within dvora, still the brightest star among her cousins, with her only surviving memories of house dvora being of the cold breeze that passed through its halls, bitting into her skin, knowing it was the house itself trying to make her feel small .  the harsh voice of its kithriarch, the thunder & fury that followed it, the house slamming doors in its wake .  heartshaven, by comparison, was infinitely warmer .  a candle-lit fire, minuscule & never quite enough on its own, but much greater by contrast .  it was through heartshaven that romana later found work as an archivist in the bureau of ancient records, a library within the capitol which kept volumes of gallifreyan history dating back to the dark times .

the legacy of house dvora would follow romana into the prydonian academy & into the early days of her presidency . the reputation of dvora’s cousins as cold & untouchable landing her the nickname of 'the ice maiden' (probably less gendered in the original gallifreyan language, given that in the expanded universe gallifreyans are generally portrayed to be either genderless or ambiguous) .  she would try disprove these notions, rebel against them, befriend her classmates, sartia among them whom romana considered her best friend only to realize sartia's hatred for her upon being reunited during her travels with the doctor . she found that the time lord academy itself encouraged her to curb her compassion, fend only for herself as to survive as the sole victor among its pupils .  it would only be upon her travels with the doctor that romana’s compassion & care would be allowed to bloom, gifted another perspective beyond that of rigid gallifreyan socialization .  it was a perspective she would later want to impart upon her fellow time lords, wanting them to see the universe as she does, not just coldly observe but to covet & care for all that which gallifrey deems beneath itself & why when she returned to her home planet, romana found herself a seat on the high council & ascended to the office of lord president . though she would never admit it, having travelled with the doctor certainly helped her political prospects, given he left the presidency vacant on multiple occasions despite the time lords insisting upon it . through assassination plots, bids for immortality & one brief stint in office the doctor was unwilling to fulfill his duties, he proved he could never be trusted . who better then than a time lord that had been his travelling companion ?

her enemies in the high council, however, insisted upon romana's inheritance as an argument against her inauguration . that the malfunction in the breeding engines that led to morbius' ascendancy meant all of house dvora's children were tainted & to allow any one of its survivors his power would be tantamount to suicide . though other more conservative elements within the capitol considered the prospect of romana's presidency a return to form, despite the risk that morbius' legacy lives on within her . he understood the power gallifrey held over the universe . at every step of the electoral process romana stressed that she was more of heartshaven than dvora, that everything house dvora represented died when the house sunk into the ground in shame & anguish & that she was defined by her adoptive house more than anything . it's what she wanted to believe, of course, that she was no tyrant & nothing of morbius survived through her or any other of dvora's lost children, but it was never the imperator romana should have feared . morbius lived on through history, through his cult & its adherents, pandora was erased from time itself & she would come to define the first term of romana's presidency, plunging gallifrey into a second civil war .

[astral-catastrophe]

H

[acoldsovereign]

"The abundance of couplings, 'handling'-- whatever that means-- and the depths of obsession I have been made to forcibly witness sickens me to my core."

[greatgoddyke]

this is petty n most likely an issue of ive just been exposed to entirely different shit but those posts about how people complaining about redemption arcs is bad bc its important message that people can change is just completely ignoring why people are actually complaining cause the big two examples i can think of for why people complain about redemptions are 1. the redemption is poorly written n ignores and/or retcons the previous seriousness of their wrongdoings just because the writer(s) want them to be good now n its kind of hard to do that if (for example) we take the lives they intentionally n mercilessly killed into account and 2. this character is an abuser but instead of taking accountability n bare minimum apologizing n letting their victim(s) choose whether they wish to still have them in their life the writer(s) choose a narrative where the abuser doesnt really have to change as a person they just dont abuse anyone anymore n the framing is weirdly unsympathetic to their victim(s)

[jjk4isen]

ꗃ 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃, 𝐓𝐖𝐎 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 .

❝ answer me. did you think of her when you're in bed with me? when you're kissing me and holding me— was she the one on your mind? ❞

summary: it's hard knowing you aren't really the person in toji's heart but loving him was something you still did regardless. as for toji, he thinks he's ready to give you his all.

desc: 2.8k words, f!reader (referred to as ‘mama’), canon compliant i think, takes place after mamaguro's death and before toji’s, age gap (early 20s reader, early 30s toji), baby gumi ahhhhh, sfw, angst to fluff to angst again lol, intended lowercase, think you're tsumiki’s mom but without tsumiki bc the relations would be too complicated and also the second wife erasure in the canon storyline?? yeah it's reserved specifically for this fic, not proof read i fear but pls read it's really interesting i can swear by it lmaoqhdhns

dating a widowed man with a son wasn't easy especially when the said man is still in love with his former wife, or rather, his wife who had died.

love is often beautiful but sometimes it's unfair. it can also be cruel. what other reason would make you still stay despite knowing you'll never measure upto the person who had been here before you?

and you've heard stories about her. she was sweet, so beautiful— not just in her appearance but her entire being was beautiful. there always was an ache in your heart upon just the mention of her name.

so how much more would it have ached for toji?

“mama” the spiky haired boy, barely two years old calls you and you realise the silence in the room. “not mama, i’m nana okay?” sick.

nana. not mama but close enough. it doesn't matter anyway, n and m are just letters and next to each other so how much difference would that make? you're the one that's here after all, are you not?

if there's a lump in your throat and your eyes are burning with unshed tears, you force yourself to ignore.

“okay nana” megumi nuzzles his face into your chest, slowly drifting away to sleep. the boy always liked cuddling with you and it melts your heart immensely.

your hands strand through his dark hair. people always said he's the carbon copy of his dad but you'd like to differ. megumi has his mother's eyes and his hair resembled hers more than it did his dad's.

the thought sends another ache in your chest but you push it away– as you always have.

you recall the last time toji had heard megumi call you “mama”. you had never seen toji that livid. he was never a gentle man to begin with but that night, there was nothing else you've been more scared of.

was he like that to his wife? maybe not.

does that matter though? it's not like toji treats you badly. he's decent and loves you an enough amount. you weren't crazy enough to stay when you're not wanted so that must mean you were something to him right?

you also recall the whispers of pity and condemnation thrown at you for just being with toji. him being a brute is one thing but the difference in age is what people seem to have a problem with. you're so much younger than him and have your whole life ahead of you so why are you entrapping yourself this way?

you disagree though. love doesn't know any age and you definitely aren't naive to be head over heels over a guy just because he's relatively older. no, this was real and genuine.

a faint knock disrupts your train of thoughts. “he sleepin’?” toji nods towards the small boy in your arms and you nod back in return.

taking care not to wake the sleeping kid, you slowly pry his hands away from you and pull over a blanket to cover his small body.

when you make your way towards toji, he wastes no time in pulling you closer “missed you” he mumbles, placing a kiss onto your forehead and suddenly all thoughts plaguing your mind disappears. that's all you could ask for, even if it was just for a moment.

“i missed you more” you whisper back, he only huffs out an amused chuckle.

“got bad news though” a frown finds itself on his lips, decorated by a single scar next to it.

“did you lose all your money again?” toji was a gambling addict, another thing you forced yourself to tolerate just for him.

“sorry, doll. thought i’d win this time” he rubs small circles on your back comfortingly and it makes you a bit uneasy to know that he has his way with you so easily.

“it's alright. i’ll just find another part time job”

“so good to me” toji pulls you into his chest and you let out a sigh— of exhaustion? relief? you couldn't really tell but that's not important, toji had you in his arms.

“i’ll try and think of something too. don't worry your pretty little head too much” he lifts you up with ease. while you're in his arms, you feel the safest.

toji really felt bad this time. he was confident he would win but that stupid horse had to trip and lose its lead, ending up last of all places. he knows luck never favoured him but that's didn't stop him from trying again and again and again.

he also knows how you didn't say anything more than necessary about it but he isn't that much of an idiot either. he sees how your expression falters and your shoulders slump a little more when he comes home with another news of his gambling loss.

this is also why he tries, or rather, tried to quit — one too many times, unbeknownst to you. however, old habits die hard and most of the time (everytime) toji gives into his urge and loses yet again. the cycle keeps happening.

maybe this isn't just about gambling.

with the way you're asleep so soundly next to him after putting his son to sleep and taking care of him too, he is overcomed with yet another feeling to be better for you and megumi alike.

toji isn't a gentle man; everyone knows that, you do too — even more than anybody else but he can't help the familiar pool of warm feelings surging through him the longer he stares at your peaceful state.

he remembers the last time he felt it, with another person. it felt like a lifetime ago.

he also remembers how painful it was when he lost it — the person, the feeling altogether. his hands that were making their way to caress your face stops mid air.

toji knows you deserve so much better. you've been nothing but patient to him, so amazing, so perfect to him. still, he just can't do it yet, just not yet.

he will eventually, he hopes you stay until then.

toji wakes up to an empty bed and his heart sinks a little but the creases and wrinkles on the sheets serve as a reminder that you were really here.

he makes his way towards the kitchen, only finding megumi sitting on a chair next to the dining table.

“hey kid, where's your mama?”

toji freezes. it came out so naturally he didn't realise he said it himself and almost thinks he didn't but megumi's wide eyes prove that he actually did.

“m…mama?” megumi says hesitantly and toji nods this time. “yes, your mama”.

“potty potty!” megumi points to the bathroom and giggles, toji follows suit. the man crouches to his son's eye level and pats his head.

“you love your mama, kid?” toji sees megumi's eyes sparkle as the boy nods enthusiastically “very very much!!”

“yeah? i love your mama too.”

toji smiles to himself, he can't wait to tell that to you.

the next time toji got his pay, he finds himself hesitating. instead of heading towards the race tracks, his feet takes him to a jewellery store.

instead of picking out a slot and testing his luck, he picks out a ring. it's not fancy by any means but he thinks it would be the most beautiful band of metal to exist if it slides into your ring finger.

the tiny ring carries all the heavy feelings he has for you.

──

it was one particular evening when you saw an old man lingering by the front gate. its particular because the warm sunset and the soft cool breeze contrasted the ground breaking truth you find out.

“can i help you?” you ask the old man who looks at you up and down, not making an attempt to hide his distaste of your sight.

“is this where toji zenin lives?” he stares down at you with his scrutinising gaze; it makes you feel small.

“zenin?” you ask, confused. is he referring to toji? but his last name is fushiguro is it not?

“yes toji zenin. i heard he has a son as well. you're not the mother are you?”

is it that obvious? you wonder how the old man figured it out. regardless, you're not about to give him his answers so you stood your ground.

“i’m sorry i don't know what you're talking about.” you turn around, about to head inside when his words make you stop short.

“are you fushiguro?”

that's toji’s last name isn't it? not zenin or whatever he called it. so why is he asking you that? is he implying that you're married to toji?

“no. you have the wrong person.”

“why? did he say not to get involved with anyone from his clan?” the old man draws closer, chucking to himself. you're just there unmoving, trying to comprehend the situation and the words coming from his mouth.

“or did he not tell you that either? did he tell you anything at all?” he stands tall in front of you, tearing away bits of yourself with every word he says.

“when he returns, tell him the clan wants to propose him an offer. you can do that much at least won't you?”

…

and when toji comes home that night with the ring cluched tightly in his fist and inside the pocket of his white pants, the world stills.

he finds you in a state he has never seen you before. you look completely and utterly defeated.

“hey, what's wrong?” his hands come to caress your face so effortlessly, the ring and prior nervousness long forgotten.

“talk to me what's going on?” he looks around and the house seems emptier than usual. your laundry that were usually hanging with his were gone.

your small trinkets you placed around the house to “make it more lively” were nowhere to be found.

and there's a bag in the corner of the room which toji prays and hopes he isn't what he thinks it is.

your hands push away his own that were cupping your face. you're not even looking at him.

“say something damn it!”

you flinch and toji takes a step back. he recalls the last time you trembled in fear — when he got mad megumi called you his mom. he punishes himself for it.

“im sorry. please talk to me.” he isn't touching you now but he wants to. he wants to reach out and pull you close, as he always had done. but now there's an unbearable silence and the small distance between you both felt like lightyears away.

“who's zenin” your voice was meek, barely a whisper but toji's eyes widen. how did you find out about that?

no fuck that, he was supposed to be the one telling you. in his own time.

“i can explain” was all that came out of him. he's nervous, he doesn't know where to start. there's a lot of information to unpack and he's not sure how to do it without hurting you too much.

when he doesn't elaborate, you ask another “who's fushiguro then?” your voice falters a bit and toji curses himself for it.

but he's done running away and keeping things from you. “my… my late wife” he says wryly.

your eyes close and a shaky breath leaves your body, as if he just confirmed your worst suspicions. damn life is so funny isn't it? everything you thought you knew apparently wasn't what it seemed to be after all.

opening them again, your vision blurs and you realise tears were escaping your eyes. fuck you didn't want to cry now of all times but they won't stop.

and the way toji was looking at you, it makes you want to throw up.

“i must've been so stupid to you” you let out a humourless chuckle. “did you pretend im her?”

your gaze was sharp and so were your words. maybe all your bottled up feelings were resurfacing. it doesn't make you feel better about it but that doesn't stop you though.

“answer me. did you think of her when you're in bed with me? when you're kissing me and when you're holding me, was she the one on your mind??” your voice was loud now. you should be afraid of waking up megumi who you cradled to sleep just a few hours ago but no, your thoughts are too clouded right now.

toji sighs. he has no excuse.

“i used to” he actually looks ashamed as if he wasn't the one who did it purely out of his will.

your scoff makes him wince “but not anymore.”

his words fall on deaf ears “you know… i knew you did. but i stayed regardless because i thought there would be a chance that maybe one day, you could open up your heart to me. im not even asking for all of it, just a little… i thought you'd let me in.”

you're blabbering and honestly, so distraught.

“but not a moment was there when it was me isn't it? it was always her in the first place.”

now toji should have said something, anything but he stays there planted in place. and maybe that was your breaking point.

you turn around, grabbing your bag and brushing past him towards the door. instead of holding onto you and stopping you, toji clutches the small box containing the ring — your ring in his pocket, almost crushing it in the process, as he hears the door slam.

you think it's funny how toji did not reach out after what happened. it's poetic even. very fitting of him, till the very end, he did not give two shits about you.

so then, why were you back here?

it's been four long years since the trajectory of your life changed. you still don't know if it was for the better or for the worse.

saying it has been hard would be an understatement. it took you a long time just to get back onto your own feet but you did it regardless. however, you left a part of you here long ago and now, you're here to take it back.

that and you missed megumi dearly. perhaps it was an excuse too because you won't deny a part of you still missed toji, despite everything that happened.

standing a few feet away from the place you used to call home, you hesitate.

maybe this was a bad idea. oh this was definitely a bad idea. you'll see them, and then what? what comes after that?

closure? don't make yourself laugh. you’ll just be reminded of how you couldn't be that person for toji— how you'll always come second. and what if they moved?? there's no reason they'd still be here right?

forget this, you don't need to do this. why must you still be the one who put effort? to reach out? four long years passed and still no news means they clearly moved on... right?

you were convinced enough and was about to go back when you saw little megumi carrying a backpack on his back, seemingly coming home from school.

your feet wouldn't move and your eyes wouldn't blink. he grew up so well.

the world pauses as your gaze follows the kid you used to consider your own, now as good as a stranger.

“do you know that kid?” a voice at your back makes you whip your head around. life really is full of surprises and this time, the surprise was in the form of a tall man, no a tall kid with white hair, looking at you curiously through his round tinted glasses.

“... no i don't” well you weren't exactly lying. you don't know the megumi you see now. perhaps if he asked whether you raised him since he was a baby till he was two, then your answer would've been different.

“oh okay” the boy shrugs. “poor guy though”

“why? whats up with him?” you turn to look at megumi again who was minding his business walking home and your heart aches a little.

“I'm here to recruit him. his dad died you see so he's–”

“wait what was that??”

“his dad. he's dead” the amused boy in front of you chuckles and you stare at him, horrified.

“what happened to him?” your voice was shaky and doesn't sound like your own. he leans down to meet your eye level and smirks “why? i thought you don't know that kid. why does that matter to you?”

your stomach churns as you stare at him, not even knowing what to say— the smug expression on his face only widens.

“so you do know him.”

'know' would be a weak word to use when it comes to toji. you knew of his habits, the simple things he does and also of the more complex ones — like the exact place his scar decorated his lips and how it felt to kiss it.

then again, you don't really know anything about him and maybe you never will.

and maybe that's really, the closure you needed.

[honey-tongued-devil]

↞[arcane preference] founding out you were injured in crossfire↠

Since I've created a Bluesky profile and wrote my thesis on Arcane, I'll be posting both old and new drawings there as soon as the time comes. I'm taking advantage of this little space to promote my other social account. honey-tongued.bsky.social Also, I've received both comments and requests, but Tumblr decided I couldn’t post for a week (my internet connection is terrible). I want to let you know that I appreciate them, and I'll get to everything as soon as I can. So, feel free to leave comments, feedback, or requests!

Jayce: 

- This is the worst news he could receive: he's a scholar, he has no idea how to handle these situations, and, most of all, he's forced to confront his pride.  

- Not only was he unable to protect you now, but what if it happens again? Even if he's there, he wouldn't know what to do.  

- What if there's a next time? What if it doesn't turn out as well next time?  

- His self-sabotage leads him to distance himself from you for a few days, not because he doesn't want to be near you while you're hurting, but because he's ashamed of not being able to protect the person he loves.  

- On the bright side, for even just a second, he remembers the original purpose of his research: making the city safe, helping people.  

- But on the negative side, with no one to blame, more than ever, the people of Zaun appear to him as beasts, second-class humans who can't be redeemed in any way.  

- When he finally gathers the courage to see you again, he tries to make amends for everything: for not protecting you, for not being able to, for allowing someone to hurt you, and for not being there during your recovery.  

- He'll literally do anything to be forgiven: every morning you'll find breakfast in bed, if it's cold at night he'll prepare a warmer for your feet, and despite his squeamishness, he'll personally tend to your wounds, even if it makes him feel queasy.

Viktor:

- He tries to help you in every way possible, even ignoring his own pain.  

- He feels sadness, regrets that you went out alone and ended up in such a situation. He can't help but imagine the fear you must have felt, the confusion, and the loneliness when the guards intervened, and you woke up alone in the hospital.  

- He may be a scholar, but first and foremost he's a man with a moral code, and secondly, he's from Zaun: if he has any work, appointments, or lectures, he'll skip them all, maybe muttering a few insults in his thick accent at the most insistent people, and make up for it at night.  

- Plans, ideas, codes, anything – but he won't leave you alone unless you ask him to.  

- He takes care of you meticulously, respecting schedules, bringing you meals in bed, changing your bandages until your skin heals, and you're able to stand on your own again.  

- He doesn't mind helping you – as a chronically ill person who refuses others' help, he's learned to do everything on his own, and he's almost happy that his skills can be useful to someone else.

Ekko:

- Is it something totally normal in the lanes? Yes.  

- Does this stop Ekko from panicking? No.  

- He's the one who finds you and brings you to the others, but he doesn't want, nor can he afford, to be seen panicking. So, he swallows his despair and tries to act as normal as possible while ten other people rush to help you.  

- His face remains expressionless as the most skilled remove debris, clean the wound, stitch your torn flesh, and bandage you, but his foot keeps tapping the floor with force and speed, revealing his anxiety.  

- When the others insist that it's best you stay in the makeshift infirmary, he tries not to protest, but suddenly every moment of the day becomes an excuse to pass by: to bring you stolen sweets from Piltover, to tell you about some expedition, maybe even steal a kiss or fall asleep leaning against your mattress.  

- It's an overwhelming fear, but the fear of losing you makes him unable to think rationally, and all he feels is how much he misses you, even while you're right there with him.

Vander:

- A crossfire from the other side of the river was already a big enough provocation to alert him and prepare to defend the city or, if absolutely necessary, to strike back.  

- But you, as an accidental victim, are a huge problem.  

- He doesn’t have the heart to pull away from you, and when he does, he can’t help but feel frustrated, angry at himself, knowing he hasn’t been able to keep his city under control like he promised—to you, to Piltover, to everyone.  

- He’ll ask for your forgiveness by kissing the scarred skin every day, even if you insist it’s not his fault, and if you remember even one of the faces, he’ll go and handle the problem.  

- Not with violence, unless necessary, but it’s not about personal justice; rather, it’s about protecting the other citizens of the alleys too.  

- Even after you’ve healed, he’ll insist it’s absolutely necessary to carry you everywhere you need to go, claiming a very good doctor told him so.  

- And the memory of the scar will be tiny compared to all the marks Vander has left on you.  

Silco:

- Private justice is absolutely the first option, even though you were an accidental victim.  

- He’ll call all his goons and associates for a meeting while you’re still bedridden, to see if they’ve heard, seen, or been involved in any armed conflict, and if he doesn’t get a face or a name from them, he’ll turn to the brothel, the house of all information,  

- Until he finds who hurt you and makes sure they can’t do it again.  

- Silco isn’t fazed by blood or open wounds, but despite having enough experience to handle it himself, at least on the first day, he’ll take you to Singed to make sure you’re in the best condition.  

- In the following days, he’ll take care of you himself, but he has pride, a façade, and little emotional communication skills, so he won’t openly show how worried he is, relying entirely on the fact that you don’t know about the murder of your assailant and remember nothing of the visit to Singed.  

- But the only reason you heal so well and so quickly is that, even if he doesn’t know how to express it, all the love he feels is poured into the care he gives you.  

Jinx:

- Flashbacks. So many. Too many.  

- At some point, she’ll even convince herself that she’s the one who shot you, leading to a complete breakdown.  

- She punches her head, scratches herself without realizing it, her nose bleeds, and her eyes are bloodshot.  

- It takes her a while to convince herself that she wasn’t the one who shot you, even though the hallucinations overlap images of you with memories of her armed, creating waking nightmares that feel increasingly real.  

- As much as she’d like to ask her father for help, even just to give you a cleaner room, she feels responsible and is too scared that if she stays away from you, you’ll forget her. That’s why she sets up a little space for you and takes care of you herself, though not always painlessly.  

- She’s pulled bullets out of her own body more times than not after missions; what might seem like dangerous, delicate work to someone else is almost routine for her by now.  

- Once she has a suspicion of who might have done it, she’ll make sure they learn their lesson. 

 

Vi:

- Anger.  

- Why were you out alone? Why didn’t you leave as soon as you saw the crowd getting too big? Why were you in that area?  

- But her anger is just panic pouring out like a flood, the fear of not being able to protect the one she loves twists her stomach, making her feel like she might throw up, like she’s dying inside.  

- None of those questions mean she blames you, but she doesn’t know how to feel, what to think, or even what to do.  

- She’ll do everything to help you—bandaging you, cleaning your wounds, staying silent and giving her full attention to make up for not being there when you needed her, even though that’s not true.  

- And when the scar forms, she’ll kiss it every single day, every single night, like a little ritual between the two of you.  

Caitlyn:

- Safety first.  

- She’ll be the one to assess how bad the injury is, and if there are any foreign objects in your body, there’s a good chance she’ll try to handle it herself, even though at first it might seem a bit barbaric.  

- She’ll give you the guest room and call the family doctor to make sure you’re okay, that you don’t need anything else, and she’ll take care of what’s necessary, even teasing you a bit to hide her worry.  

- "A bullet in the leg from being caught in crossfire? Very vintage, I must say."  

- What you won’t know is that she’ll quietly increase security, not in an oppressive way, but just enough to make both you and the other citizens feel safer.  

- Her family won’t get involved directly, but they won’t stop her either. Sometimes Cassandra herself will make sure her daughter finds the tray to bring up to you, though she’ll never be too open about it.  

- The perfect rehabilitation? Long walks in the villa’s garden, so you can stop for some cookies or tea when you get tired.  

Mel:

- Flashbacks, but less personal than Jinx’s.  

- Her mother would call her weak if she knew how it kills her to see someone barely scratched by crossfire, and that realization soon turns into frustration, which then becomes anger.  

- She tries to stay calm, but her voice sounds like she’s scolding you, and then like she’s scolding the servants, or anyone else who crosses her path.  

- Two hours of lecture if you’re lucky—why you shouldn’t go out without a guard, why you shouldn’t put yourself in dangerous situations, why the enforcers are utterly useless and can’t find anyone responsible, even though the fight was so intense.  

- She’ll focus entirely on the bureaucratic side because little Mel was never taught how to deal with strong emotions, and she’s definitely feeling them now but can’t afford that vulnerability, even though she knows you’re safe.  

- She won’t take care of you herself, but she’ll always stay in the room. Not because she doesn’t want to, to be clear, but because she wants you to have the best care possible and prefers to leave it to a top professional rather than her inexperienced hands.  

- In return, she’ll triple the amount of affection and caresses—more to calm herself than you, but you won’t be the one to complain.  

Sevika:

- She needs a moment.  

- She knows she has to report to Silco that there was a firefight, that someone is threatening the people, but part of her just wants to grab those responsible and crush their heads with her bare hands, doing both you and her boss a favor. Yet, another part of her doesn’t want to leave you alone or take you with her.  

- She knows how to handle these things; she’s lost an arm, and Silco’s goons often come back in worse shape, which is why she’ll take care of you herself, in complete silence.  

- She’ll wait until you’re asleep to place a water bottle, a glass, some painkillers, and some bread on the nightstand next to your bed. And when she’s sure you’re fully asleep, she’ll leave a soft kiss on your forehead before putting on her cloak and heading out to the Last Drop.  

- There, she’ll release her anger in a brawl or two, talk to her boss, and search for the reason why she feels so awful at the bottom of her third glass of whiskey.  

[sanarsi]

Controversially young girlfriend

post-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Joel finally finds his brother. He's not too happy to hear how he got on with his life without him. But his brother is also not happy to meet his new partner - you. Or Joel fucks you to comfort you. Warnings: +18, MDNI, age gap (reader is 22, Joel is 56), soft!dom!Joel, maybe little angst, unprotected PIV, fingering, daddy kink, DAUGHTER ISSUES (pls it’s important), protective!Joel, no!Ellie AU, pet names (baby girl, kitty, daddy) Wordcount: 4,6k An: Soft Joel is definitely one of my favorites. It's a pleasure to write him that way. Music I worked with: Brooklyn Baby - Lana Del Rey

Masterlist

“Well…” Tommy started, looking away. His hand intertwined with the woman's hand next to him. “Maria is family, actually.”

There was silence.

The atmosphere became so thick that you felt uncomfortable even though you weren't part of their conversation. Joel's gaze was fixed on the hands of the couple next to him as if he was cursing them in every way. You noticed out of the corner of your eye how his jaw was clenching dangerously so you decided to save the situation before it became even more awkward.

“Congrats,” you said with a nice smile and they responded in kind.

But they didn't wait for your words.

They waited for Joel's words, but he still remained dangerously silent.

You looked at him, placing your hand on his in a comforting gesture. His fingers immediately tightened around yours as if they were the only thing that could save him.

“Joel, say congrats,” you murmured with an encouraging smile. You watched carefully as he clenched his jaw tighter, fighting with himself. His eyes finally fell on his brother and his partner.

There was a long silence again.

“Congrats,” a low voice cut through the silence like a knife. You wanted to roll your eyes at the way his words sounded. As if he wished them to fall out on the ice. So in Joel’s style...

You were surprised that his attitude towards the whole situation changed in just a few seconds. A moment ago he was hugging his brother with tears in his eyes and now he was looking at him with contempt. There was no positive emotion in his behaviour but you decided that you would ask him about everything when you were alone.

You squeezed his hand tighter as he leaned back, getting more comfortable. And it wouldn't be something special if that damn old man wasn't trying to show in this way his dominance.

This time you couldn't help but roll your eyes at his childish behavior. Grown up man.

Tommy and Maria exchanged knowing glances before he tried to break the awkward atmosphere.

“So…” he started with a smile, looking from you to Joel. “Are you two…” he started, pointing his finger at you. You immediately understood what he was trying to ask and you opened your mouth to answer him, but Joel was faster.

"Yes," he said coldly. You glanced at him as he continued to stare deadly at his brother. Tommy smiled awkwardly and nodded.

"He's annoying sometimes, isn't he?" he asked teasingly, wanting to relax the atmosphere. You chuckled, deciding that at least you, out of the two of you, would show some level of manners.

“Yeah, sometimes,” you nodded with a smile. Tommy quickly realized that he would rather talk to you than to his own brother. He smiled pleasantly at you, ignoring Joel's burning gaze.

"How did you meet?" he started, wanting to do a quick interview. And of course he wasn't doing it because you looked so damn young.

Too young…

You smiled wider, glancing out of the corner of your eye at Joel before you began to speak.

"Well... we happened to run into each other in the middle of nowhere," you said, feeling Joel start to gently stroke your hand with his thumb. A small gesture but it gave you a lot of comfort. “It won't come as a surprise that the first time we met, we pointed guns at each other,” you laughed softly at the memory. It seemed so irrational now. "But somehow he managed to convince me not to put a bullet in his head."

Joel finally glanced at you, and if it weren't for the whole situation, he would have started teasing you about what you said.

“He's been like my shadow ever since,” you finished saying and glanced at Joel, giving him a soft smile. His gaze immediately warmed. You were his weak spot and like a ray of sunshine, you warmed his broken soul. You were his cure.

Tommy noticed the way you were looking at each other and felt strangely uneasy. He hadn't seen Joel look at anyone like that since his daughter died. And he honestly didn't think it was a good thing.

"How old are you?" came the question from his mouth. Maria looked at him warningly, but it was too late. The words were spoken.

You looked at Tommy, smiling crookedly. You knew that your age was... a topic you preferred to avoid. Relationships with such an age difference were not perceived very well by other people.

“I-“ you started hesitantly.

"Twenty-two," Joel replied, looking intently at his brother. You swallowed, feeling a lump in your stomach as you heard Joel's confident voice. You tightened your fingers on his hand, searching for the comfort he immediately provided you.

For him, there was only you.

You and your comfort were his priority.

Tommy laughed nervously, his eyes darting between the two of you. He straightened up slowly and glanced at his partner as if she was about to tell him that it was all really a joke.

But no one else laughed. Maria looked at him knowingly, Joel looked at him deadly and you looked down. Everyone was dead serious and then Tommy couldn't stand it. He looked at everyone, getting more serious by the second.

“Are you fucking serious?” he finally asked in disbelief. He snorted dryly, focusing his full attention on Joel. You cringed slightly at his aggressive tone. His reaction didn't bode well and you honestly didn't want to witness it. “Joel, what the fuck?” he growled, pointing his hand at you. “She's twenty-two. She's a fucking child."

You blinked a few times, staring stubbornly at the discoloration on the table. Right now, anything was better than facing the situation that was happening.

But Joel was calm. At least that's what he appeared to be. He gently squeezed your hand, running his thumb over your knuckles. And he didn't seem at all concerned about his brother's reaction.

"If Sarah were alive-"

"Don’t," Joel interrupted him firmly. Tommy fell silent, knowing he had said a few too many words. But he wasn't thinking about that now. He was too upset about what his brother was doing. He snorted dryly, spreading his hands helplessly.

“What are you doing exactly?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “You’re playing family with her? Playing her daddy?” he continued with increasing disgust. “Treating your daughter issues?” he added with venom.

Tears appeared in your eyes. Was your relationship really that disgusting in the eyes of others?

"She is younger than her, Joel" he said a little more calmly, trying to make his brother realize that what he was doing was wrong. Your eyes met Maria's. There was no compassion in her for this situation, she looked at you with compassion as if you were unaware of the harm that was affecting you. As if you were… just a stupid kid.

You shuddered because of the negative emotions that filled the table. This didn't go unnoticed by Joel. He knew he had allowed Tommy's offensive comments to go on too long.

"She's happy with me," he finally said, his voice a little hoarse. This time you shuddered because of him. “You don't have to worry about the rest. I'm not hurting her.” He straightened up slowly and squeezed your hand before letting you go. "We'll replenish our supplies and leave in the morning," he decided, moving away from the table. Tommy looked at him, not knowing what to say.

"Joel-"

"Thank you for the meal," he said politely to Maria and stood up. His contemptuous gaze was fixed on his brother as he extended his hand towards you.

“It was nice to meet you,” you said, smiling politely at her and then without thinking, you took Joel's hand. In the blink of an eye, a jacket appeared on your shoulders as you stepped outside. Without a word, you tried to keep up with Joel as you passed the others people.

He was furious, you were sure of that. That's why you were afraid to even breathe for several minutes. The snow crunched under your shoes as you passed each street. You had access to the house at the very end of the town, so you had a short walk ahead of you.

Eventually, Joel slowed down a bit. His shoulders stopped tensing and the crease between his eyebrows disappeared slightly.

“Not so great orientation meeting,” you said jokingly. Joel raised an eyebrow, glancing down at you. And even though his emotions were swirling inside him, the sight of your sweet, innocent smile immediately brought him peace.

He sighed heavily, looking away. “Yeah, not very successful,” he replied with a small smirk on his face.

You smiled wider when you saw his reaction. You loved that Joel was like this just with you. As if he couldn't feel negative emotions around you. He really couldn’t. You were his cure for everything.

The rest of the way was spent in silence until you stood on the porch of the last house on the street and Joel opened the door for you.

“Woah,” you sighed, looking around the house. “A house suitable for living. I’m in shock” you marveled as you slowly explored each room and Joel watched your every move. He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms, and quickly looked around the interior.

“Yeah, not bad,” he nodded, making you look at him in shock.

“Dude, it's awesome here,” you said, spreading your arms with a wide smile.

“Language” admonished you.

“Yeah, sorry,” you nodded and started exploring the house again.

You spent the entire evening washing away the dirt from several months. Only after the third time, the water was clear. You sat staring at the water as Joel washed your hair once again. You didn't ask him for it, but you never had to ask him for anything. If he could, he would start breathing for you. It may have amounted to obsession.

But who could stop him? More than one has tried to take you away from him. And they all ended their lives.

Who could blame him? If he had to, he would kill everyone in the world, everyone infected, just to keep you safe.

"Can I ask you something?" you spoke up, breaking the silence.

“Anything,” he replied, automatically washing the ends of your hair thoroughly.

“You promise you won't be mad?”

“I can't be mad at you.”

And it was true. Even though you knew it, you still felt stressed. Joel was…allergic to certain topics and you completely respected that. But after today, you couldn't and didn't want to stay silent.

“How old would Sarah be now?” you asked quietly. His movements stopped for a few seconds, as did your heart. But Joel didn't let you live in uncertainty for long. He slowly started washing your hair again and sighed softly. You knew that this topic wasn't very pleasant for him, so you honestly spat in your face for needing to know the answer to a few questions.

"Thirty-two," he replied without much emotion.

You swallowed hard, realizing that Tommy was right. You were too fucking young for him.

His daughter would be ten years older than you.

His daughter.

And you were his… who? Girlfriend? Now that sounded pathetic.

You wrapped your arms around your knees tighter, resting your chin on them and remaining silent. You've never thought about it all this way.

Joel was always… good for you.

True, he had his weaknesses, but who didn't? His wounds didn't bother you. After all, you fell in love with him. With all his flaws.

"You're silent," he noted after a few minutes of silence.

This conversation was not in his favor, but he knew that there were reactions going on in your head that shouldn't be there. And he knew he had to make sure nothing stupid got into your head.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, starting to slowly rinse the lather from your hair. The warm water ran down your back, making you shiver with pleasure.

“I just… think,” you shrugged. Joel sighed heavily and you knew very well what that meant.

"Baby-"

"Do you think Tommy's right?" you interrupted him before he could get going.

"About?" he asked, squeezing the excess water from your hair. You straightened up, looking at him over your shoulder. You were upset by everything you heard and he couldn't bear it. He couldn't stand that his own brother had put you in such a state. A state of doubt.

Joel moved closer to you, groaning softly as he knelt by the tub. You watched his tired face with those innocent eyes of yours.

“Listen, baby girl…” he started and touched your cheek gently. “I'm not going to lie to you…Tommy's god damn right,” he nodded, and more emotions immediately appeared in your eyes.

Fear? Surprise? Uncertainty? Or maybe all at once.

Despite his words, he smiled at you, stroking your jaw tenderly. “I'm too damn old for you,” he laughed, following the movements of his fingers with his eyes. His worn hands against your silky skin.

Two contradictions.

“Fuck…” he sighed with a helpless smile and trailed his fingers down to your neck. “Baby, you are like a blooming flower. Young, beautiful, innocent," he said dreamily. "While I am a dried bush overgrown with weeds for a long time."

“You are not,” you denied, frowning in sadness. Joel smiled fondly at your words and stroked your cheek with his thumb. You unconsciously hugged to his hand. A warm, rough hand that brought you a sense of security.

“So what am I in your eyes?” he asked, looking at you with tenderness. You were so damn delicate that sometimes he was afraid he would break you.

“You are like a big oak tree at the very top of the hill,” you said with a soft smile. A smile that was intended only for him. “Your crown provides shade and shelter in the summer,” you continued, looking closely at every detail on his face. "And in winter your branches scare away all those who didn’t rest under you in summer."

His heart tightened in his chest as he listened to your words. In your eyes, Joel was a completely different person. In your eyes, he was good.

“You would be a good poet,” he replied, shaking his head with a smile. You watched as he slowly stood up, groaning at the slightest movement.

Good old oak.

“Get your ass out of it cause I want to wash up too,” he looked down at you with a smirk before walking out of the bathroom.

A few hours later you were lying in bed.

A soft bed.

A clean bed.

And yet you couldn't sleep.

You stared at the blank wall and thought about everything and nothing. Joel was long asleep. At least that's what you thought. You didn't know because you hadn't turned to face him since he laid down in bed. His calm breathing was the only thing you could focus on. No other sounds. You were... safe. This was rare.

So why did you feel so… bad?

Why his calm breathing didn’t bring you comfort like it always did?

Why you felt like you were in the wrong place?

Why-

“You've been silent for several hours,” Joel's hoarse voice brought you out of your thoughts. “It wouldn't be weird if you were sleeping, but you are not,” he continued, and the mattress behind you sagged under his weight. His arm wrapped around your waist as he leaned in, nuzzling your ear. “So are you finally going to tell me what this is about?” he whispered, sending shivers down your entire body. Your pulse immediately quickened at his proximity.

Then came a gentle kiss behind the ear.

And then on the neck.

And then his arm tightened around you, pulling you closer to his heated chest.

“I was sleeping,” you said quietly, hoping to avoid the conversation.

“Liar,” he whispered into your ear, his warm breath reverberating through your body in an inappropriate way. “Come on, baby girl,” he nuzzled you encouragingly. "Spit it out."

You lay there struggling with yourself for a while. You didn't want to talk about it now. You didn't want to talk about it at all. But something inside made you ask the question that was floating around in your head like a virus.

“If you think Tommy is right, then why-”

“Because I love you,” he interrupted you, knowing very well what your question would be. Even if he didn't know, there was one answer. “Because I can't imagine being where I am now without you.”

You fell silent, letting his words permeate the space around you. You believed him. Always and in everything. You pursed your lips into a line, wondering for the first time if you were stupid enough to trust him blindly with everything.

For the first time you doubted him.

“They looked at me like I was stupid for trusting you,” you whispered, huddling deeper under the blanket. Joel sighed softly and turned you towards him. You stared at his chest, not wanting to look at him. You were ridiculed just because you were young.

“Hey, baby, look at me,” he said gently, running his fingers down your cheek to your chin to force you to look up.

You were sad.

He hated when you were sad.

His sunshine couldn't hide behind the clouds.

“You're not stupid, you understand?” he started, looking at you seriously. You wanted to look away but he wouldn't let you. "Understand?" he repeated more firmly. You nodded weakly, but that was enough for him. “I'm the problem, not you,” he spoke softly, stroking your cheek gently. “I'm not a good person and they know it,” he smiled gently, wanting to reassure you. He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. "I've done a lot of bad things you've never even heard of." He slowly traced your cheek until he finally removed his hand only to place it on your hip. “But you… You are good.” He pressed his fingers lightly against your skin and then moved down to your thigh. “And someone as good as you shouldn't be with someone as bad as me,” he explained and slowly pulled your leg on top of him.

“But-“

“Your age is just something they can pick on,” he answered your question before it left your mouth. You fell silent, feeling the warmth on your cheeks as his hand slowly began to stroke your thigh. “They don't believe that someone like you is with me by choice and not by force,” he explained with a soft smile on his lips as his hand moved up, sneaking under your shirt to your waist. “They explain everything using my trauma. And the fact is, maybe there is a fatherly instinct in me. But thanks to this, I can take care of you the way you need it.” His words crept into your head just as he wanted them to. You were fascinated by him. You looked at him again like you always did.

As if there was only him in the whole world.

That look healed another piece of his soul each time.

He couldn't lose you.

Even at the cost of his own brother.

“And the fact that you kissed me first was just an added bonus. I'm just a man and you knew exactly what to do to make me weak for you" he added with a smirk and you snorted under your breath. Your reaction was enough to make his heart beat faster. And the happiness in your eyes only ignited it.

He leaned towards you, nuzzling his nose against yours. You closed your eyes with a blissful smile.

“They may think you're stupid for me, but the truth is, I'm stupid for you,” he whispered before gently pressing his lips to yours. The warmth of his lips and the roughness of his beard warmed your heart. He kissed you gently and slowly. He always did it slowly. Enjoying every second of the closeness you gave him. He didn't know how many moments like this he had left so he enjoyed everything you gave him.

The softness of your lips.

The gentleness of your hands.

The sweetness of your moans.

His arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you even closer until there was no space between you. Your hands came to his cheeks as he slowly deepened the kiss. Even in the kiss he could feel how delicate you were.

Joel was already too destroyed by life for his lips to taste like yours. But that's how you liked him. With heavy touch, rough beard, chapped lips and tired eyes. And all this with a pinch of love he had for you.

You moaned into his mouth as he pulled your hips closer to his. How could you not fall for him when he was perfect for you?

“Let me take care of you, baby girl,” he whispered against your lips and moved his hips gently, grinding against you. Your breath shuddered as he brushed against your pussy. Without thinking, you nodded.

“Okay,” your whisper disappeared into his mouth as he kissed you again. He ran his hand down your back to your ass until he disappeared between your thighs.

You moaned sweetly as he ran his fingers over your wet slit. He loved how wet you were for him. Always.

You made him feel like a man again.

You let him take care of you in every sense of the word. You trusted him. And this time he wasn't going to make the same mistake.

His fingers slowly dipped into your hole, triggering another moan that disappeared into his mouth. He slowly started fucking you with his fingers. Gently and with love. Takes his time with you.

You breathed heavily into his mouth, purring every now and then in contentment at his gentle touch. He experienced it with you, drinking everything from your lips.

“You're always ready for me,” he purred contentedly and rubbed the bulge in his boxers against your clit. You whimpered softly. “Such a good girl,” he nuzzled against yours and placed a kiss on the tips of your lips. You felt the muscles in your lower abdomen begin to tense with every movement of his finger.

And suddenly his fingers disappeared. You gasped, feeling the sudden emptiness. His hand disappeared between your bodies only to take out his ready cock. He ran his hand along his entire length a few times, placing another kiss on your cheek.

“Don’t worry, daddy will take care of you,” he whispered, running his tip over your slit and then dipping into you a moment later. You gasped, closing your eyes and letting him wrap his arms around your waist.

He pulled you closer, impaling you with his cock. He shuddered as he buried himself inside you. You always welcomed him with warmth and wetness. You clenched around him at the feeling of being filled.

“She's happy to see me,” he said happily, placing a trail of kisses along your jaw. He wrapped his arm tightly around your hips and slowly began to move inside you. His movements were negligible. He pulled out of you only a few inches only to come back in again. These lazy movements were beyond perfect. You felt him perfectly and constantly. Just like you should.

You moaned, tightening your leg around his hip to get even closer. To make it even deeper. His lips were on your neck, placing wet kisses inch by inch. And all you could do was melt in his embrace. Every lazy movement of his hips stimulated you non-stop. Your soft moans filled the room and his heart. He loved hearing you sing for him.

He kept thrusting into you, keeping the perfect pace. Zero breaks in stimulating your pussy. Lazy sex was definitely one of your favorites. The constant closeness you had then was something that made you forget for a moment that the world around you existed. His lips returned to yours, inviting you into a deep kiss. Perfectly coordinated from the very beginning. From the first moment your lips met.

“I love making love to you,” he whispered against your lips. All you could do in response was pull him in for a kiss again. The pleasure you felt between your legs, your heart and your soul made a single tear roll down your cheek.

Fuck, how could you ever give up on this man? The old oak tree under whose care you blossomed.

His fingers dug into your skin and his movements were more decisive. He continued to move lazily inside you, only to enter hard until the very end. You breathed heavily into his mouth, keeping your hands firmly on his cheeks. Your gasps and moans mixed together in perfect harmony.

“Fuck, dad-“ you trailed off as he thrust into you hard once again.

“Yes, baby girl, come on my cock,” he gasped, feeling your slit becoming more and more reluctant to let him come out of you. This was the only time he started fighting with you.

He held your hips tightly, trying to keep the same pace even though you weren't making it easy for him.

“Don't fight it kitty,” he said with a smile. You laughed softly against his lips and started moving your hips to help him. Your movements made him look forward to fulfillment as well. You both moved your hips in sync, moaning into each other's mouths.

“Daddy’s gonna fill you up, okay?” he gasped, feeling his movements become sloppier than he would have liked.

“Mhm,” you murmured, holding on to his neck like a lifeline. Joel began to moan louder and louder into your mouth, feeling his orgasm slowly approaching like a wave of fire. You sped up your hip movements, feeling him start to slow down. You had to catch up with him.

“Oh, fuck… Fuck,” he groaned in pleasure as he came inside you. His orgasm was like a rag to a bull for you. You rolled your hips a few more times before you came, panting heavily. You shuddered, moving your hips one more time before you collapsed, looking up at him, satisfied.

He watched you in silence, and the sight of your face after your orgasm was definitely one of his favorites. He leaned towards you, stealing a gentle kiss. His thumb stroked your cheek as if you were made of porcelain. His arms wrapped around you tightly, pulling you to his chest as he covered your bodies with the blanket. You snuggled into him, listening to his heartbeat as he stroked your hair gently.

"You know... you may be too old for me, but you're still doing pretty well," you admitted, and he laughed quietly.

"Yeah?" he asked, amused.

“Yeah,” you nodded with a smile. Joel leaned down to press a kiss to your head in response to your teasing. You were perfect. And you were his.