#and also fucks like a rabid rhino

[carlyraejepsans]

Do you enjoy underfell? I thought you disliked aus /genq

i don't dislike the concept of AUs itself, I'm just not a fan of like... the subculture that spawned around them in the UT fandom specifically and how it eventually took over almost all canon content (especially when it limits itself to the bros)

i like aus visually! i am an artist at heart after all. it's just that, if I'm going to care about them as stories and not just fun design ideas, my bar is uhh almost impossibly high the further you move from canon lolol.

[squidsploitation]

— 3.8

[tobyislame]

general eyeless jack headcanons

ik i literally just said this will be an exclusively ticci toby blog but u guys get one (1) ej post as a treat bc i have a biiiiig phat crush on him

- he has a strong distaste for his given name. constantly being referred to as "eyeless" just feels like twisting the knife. so, he really appreciates it when people shorten it to ej. he prefers to just be called jack, though.

- he has black blood. does that subsequently mean his blush would be black?? idk i’m thinking maybe it shows up on his skin as like a dark bluish-purple, kinda like a bruise but… he’s blushing.

- he's got a nice set of large, pointed teeth. when he speaks those chompers are on FULL display, so if he happens to have his mask off, he’ll mumble to try to keep them as concealed as he can.

- what used to be fingernails are now blackened, talon-like claws, which will rip through everything if he isn’t careful. with enough concentration, he can keep them folded down to make them less obtrusive, at least enough to get dressed without making his clothes all… holey.

- that being said… he has no control over his claws when he’s asleep. his sheets are absolutely shredded, pillowcases torn through. they’re also perpetually stained with his eye goop. he's learned to just not bother with patching up his sheets anymore.

- he is LARGE. he is a LARGE MANTHING. he's 8'2 and well aware that he towers over most because people won't shut the fuck up about it. he's also just stocky, with big burly shoulders and enormous hands and man he is just BIG.

- despite his size, he moves quietly and swiftly. he carries himself like he's much smaller than he actually is.

- he isn't really aware of his own strength — he still surprises himself with the damage that he can unintentionally administer. he finds himself having to make a conscious effort to hold back.

- he's completely blind. the way that he “sees” is similar to snakes — utilizing infrared sensors which lie somewhere in those eye sockets of his (eldritch being rules it doesn’t have to make sense), he can sense the heat given off by objects in his environment. this becomes especially useful when tracking down potential victims. somewhere along the line, he learned or “evolved” to use echolocation as well, gaining the ability to make the same sonar clicks that bats do to make their way through the world. these can’t be heard by human ears, but if you’re close enough, they can be felt in your teeth.

- also similar to snakes, he’s cold-blooded. just absolutely cold to the touch. he wears warm clothes all year round, even in summer. he should be sweltering in multiple layers in the middle of june, but really, he’s just fine.

- his senses have all evolved to compensate for his lack of sight. most sensitive of all, though, are his ears. he can identify individual footsteps from miles away. this makes it near impossible to get away with muttering something under your breath. even from across the entire house, he’d be able to hear what you said. (i am aware actual blind people don't have superhuman abilities i just think this is the way it'd present in an enigmatic being)

- his skin is thick, sort of like a rhino's. bullets essentially ricochet off of him, blades snap... this, however, doesn't make him invincible. high frequencies are a surefire way of disabling him.

- he feels hunger much more intensely than any normal person does. when he goes too long without eating he'll become rabid, driven by instinct alone. at that point, he isn’t himself anymore. his body isn’t his.

- in this condition, he'll take on more bestial qualities, sprouting (larger) claws, a second row of teeth, additional tongues... he also exhibits heightened strength, speed, and agility. he'll behave more like an animal than anything else, tunnel vision pointing to only one thing: eat. he does everything in his power to keep this at bay, because in the past… incidents have occurred. let’s just say you wouldn’t want to be caught in the same forest with that thing prowling around. he hates to hurt others when he doesn’t mean/need to, especially since all he can do in those moments is helplessly watch behind the eyes of something that isn’t him.

- he really isn't a killer. although he's lacking in the sympathy department, he has the ability to put himself in the shoes of others and feel what they feel, which is his biggest weakness — as you can probably imagine, being an empath isn't so convenient when you have to kill to survive. often, he feels the pain of those who have the misfortune of ending up beneath his scalpel. beneath his hands. he’s aware that he’s taking that person away from someone, and it hurts him. he just powers through.

- he couldn't eat human food even if he wanted to, and believe me, he wants to. it's just that, if he even makes an attempt, his body flat-out rejects and regurgitates it. think that one tokyo ghoul scene... basically like that. he seems to be able to ingest coffee and tea just fine, though. earl grey is his favorite. on rainy days, his favorite thing to do is brew a cup and sit on the steps to the front porch, listening to the drops plinking off puddles.

- he doesn't particularly like for anybody to see his face. would rather keep it to himself. he's not exactly sure what he looks like, but he can take an educated guess that it isn't pretty. he'll usually just keep his mask on when he's around others, only taking it off if it ever happens to be absolutely necessary. if someone were to take his mask from him, that’d probably be the closest he could get to his rabid state without fully submitting to it.

- when he’s angry (which seldom happens) the tar in his eyes seems to boil and pop, kind of like hot oil in a pan. if it happened to get on you, it’d fucking burn and begin to dissolve right through your skin in the same way acid would. stay out of the splash zone ig.

- he can cry, but the way it presents is similar to ghibli tears — thick, messy glops of black that stain his skin, clothes, and whatever else they happen to spill onto.

- he doesn't just eat kidneys, he tries to make use of the entire body. it’s the least he can do. he doesn’t want to just throw the rest out like it’s trash. even when they’re dead, dissected, splayed out, closer to meat than human, he tries to respect his victims. they were people once, too. just like him.

- he also tries to make harvesting from his victims as easy of a process as possible, for the both of them. he injects them with anesthesia, enough to kill, then uses surgical tools to make the job as quick and clean as possible. no screams. no thrashing. easy.

- he can't remember much of his past life. most of what he can recall are just bits and pieces of out-of-place memories, puzzle pieces that don’t quite fit together no matter how hard he tries to make them. however, the one thing he was able to definitively grasp was his affinity for physiology, human anatomy, and surgery. because of this, he held onto it fucking tightly and devoted himself to it — just so he wouldn’t forget it, too.

- before, he was going to college to become a general surgeon. in fact, he was just about to move on to med school. now he's essentially the mansion's resident surgeon/doctor, and he does his job quite well given that he doesn’t have the resources most other medical professionals have at their disposal.

- he's especially interested in the medicinal qualities of plants. often, he'll go on nature walks in search of herbs that he can put to good use. he uses what he finds to make ointments and medicines and such, often utilizing his own resources in his procedures. in his room is a little garden of his own in the form of pots hanging from the ceiling, holding plants that he meticulously tends to with GREAT precision and care. he'd never trust anyone else to take care of them for him, not even for a day.

- he cannot stand disorganization, it drives him fucking insane. everything has to have a place, and everything has to stay in its place; it becomes difficult for him to find things, otherwise.

- if he can't rely on his sight, then he figures he can at least rely on his memory — it’s why he marks the position of his furniture and such with tape so that if anyone does happen to move something, they can at least put it back exactly where it was.

- messy people get on his nerves. leaving stuff in random places and on the floor is just incredibly inconvenient for him. he's tripped because of people's misplaced laundry and stuff.

- he's a man of few words and lacking in expression. often, a tilt of the head is the most he will react with. when he does speak, his voice is deep, so deep that it seems to vibrate. he keeps his voice soft and quiet, though, as if he's afraid of being too loud. and he is.

- since he doesn't speak much, he empties his thoughts into a journal. he'll write about anything: how his day was, what he did, how he feels, what all had happened in his surgery that day, the things he'd observed... although, if you look through it, ramshackle scraggles that almost resemble words litter the pages. he thinks he's writing words, and will continue to do so until it gets pointed out to him.

- a gentle giant. he's incredibly composed and docile, qualities that betray his physical attributes. he isn't "friendly", per se, but he tries to stay far away from hostility when it isn't needed.

- he has an overbearing need for control. he hates the thought that fate could rip everything out from underneath him whenever it pleases. it happened to him once before. he won’t let it happen again.

- he displays an... almost catlike vigilance. the slightest noise is enough to make his head snap towards the source. it's incredibly difficult to sneak up on him, especially since he hardly ever allows himself to drop his guard. he doesn’t like to be at the mercy of anyone or anything. a lot of his mental energy is put towards preventing bad things from happening to him.

- he can purr .

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Doctor Who, but Chronologically 26

It's 1913 and fuck me but this episode fucks like a rabid rhino as it's time for Human Nature.

Holy.

Shit.

And it kind of makes sense! Remember when the Tennant Doctor talked to Jackson Lake? And told him about how Time Lords sometimes store memories in fob watches? And then remember how Tecteun and the Ood had a fob watch they used to be a dick to the Whittaker Doctor? And she was maybe going to open it? Fob watch! We know all about these!!!

So, we start with Tennant and Martha, sprinting into the TARDIS to escape "The Family". These, it transpires, are aliens made of lurid green gas who can possess people, so we're off to a simply fantastic start right there in terms of saving the budget. To escape them the Doctor turns himself human, and gets Martha to basically guard him in The Past because as a human he remembers nothing, which

A) means we are treated to David Tennant's acting changing to being Subtly Wrong, right down to the way he smiles, which is unsettling as fuck; and

B) fucking sucks ASS for Martha because she's now a black maid in a posh white English boarding school and this episode is not interested in portraying posh white English boarding schoolers in 1913 as anything other than raging cock-heads who make you glad there's a world war around the corner to wipe two thirds of them out.

Although I say English. That's St Ffagans, that is. With some exteriors up by Llangors. I know my Welsh historical sites.

Anyway, Martha yeets herself bodily up the rankings with this one. She's capable, and clever, and marooned in a fucking awful time as a bodyguard for a man who doesn't remember her and treats her like shit, and she is so achingly alone. She's stored the TARDIS in a shed, and she goes to it for some normalcy, and to dream of going home. She's made friends with Jenny, another maid, and their friendship is sweet and wholesome, the only bright spot left, and the whole thing would make you weep if only, um, Freema's acting was good.

(I'm sorry I adore her but she is just... very hammy)

So it's very depressing when Jenny becomes an alien host.

BUT it's also an AMAZING SCENE, because Martha has managed to source some afternoon tea for them to share, and Jenny comes in and is Weird, and Martha doesn't just notice - in a move that had me going "Well THIS scene was written by a Welshman," she looks Jenny in the eye and says "Okay, shall I put some gravy in the teapot? We could have jam and herring." And Jenny falls for it just as a changeling would, and Martha gets the fuck out. Incredible. Martha for the win. Everyone should know their changeling lore. Martha clearly does. Good girl.

Although shout out to the Family actually; the Daughter is a little girl with a red balloon and the same nursery rhyme backing track as the sinister little girl with the red balloon in Remembrance of the Daleks who turned out to be possessed by a Dalek or some shit, which is very cool, although these little girls with red balloons and sinister nursery rhyme backing tracks are about as good at acting as each other, which is to say, not really. BUT the Son is played by what's his tits off of Game of Thrones, you know the one? Played the little blond inbred lad who loved dragons. He's fantastic in this! Plays it with just the right amount of menace and charm, it's great. It could easily have become hammy and undermined it, but it's just great. Who knew you could sniff in a frightening manner and make your eyes glow with the Power of Acting alone?

Um, what else, what else... oh yeah, the Doctor as a human is a trembling virgin who gets a girlfriend played by Jessica Hynes. He falls down some stairs because he's so flustered about asking her to a dance. He literally starts saying "Um, I've never..." before kissing her, as though that's at all news to anyone watching.

Anyway, plot-wise, the Doctor dreams of his real life and has written it all down in a dream journal, which he insists on explaining to every woman who looks his way with the tediousness of people who keep dream journals everywhere. He keeps the fob watch on the mantlepiece. He has left a list of instructions for Martha, of which number 23 is to open the watch as a last resort.

But, one of the students in the boarding school is that kid from Love, Actually who later was an American chess player in the Queen's Gambit (side note, I swear like half the cast in the Queen's Gambit was British and putting on lacklustre American accents). Turns out this kid is Mildly Psychic in the way that people often are in RTD's era because why the fuck not, and so he has, in fact, stolen the fob watch because it spoke to him. Occasionally he opens it and learns about Time Lords, but that means the Family can smell the Doctor. This means Martha tries to open the watch, only to find it missing.

So they all go to the dance, which is in the old Oakdale Working Men's Club, and my dad used to go drinking there. It's in St Ffagans now. They're moving the Vulcan there just next door which is fun, because I used to go drinking in the Vulcan, so it'll be two generations of us moved to a museum. I've forgotten what I was talking about.

So they all go to the dance. Unfortunately, this includes the Family, who are armed with a heady mix of alien guns and extraneous scarecrows. In a cliffhanger that lets down the rest of the episode, they grab Martha and Jessica Hynes, and tell a very confused Doctor that he has to change back from human or pick which of these women to kill. It feels a bit needlessly stapled on, tbh. But it's nice to see Oakdale Workies again.

Anyway I think no new questions? Other than "How will they get out of this?" but the second half is next even on this batshit watch order, so we can ignore that one. That's fun. However we do still have a fob watch hanging plot thread for Whitaker, so there's that.

The list!

“She” (an unknown person) is returning (perhaps River returned as Missy. Maybe Me? Maybe Clara???!)

There is something on Donna’s back

An entire planet, Pyrovilia, just… disappeared, somehow. (Maybe because the TARDIS is exploding??? Saturnine was also lost, and that WAS because of the TARDIS exploding. The lion man’s planet was also lost but he was a bit of a knob about it if I’m honest.)

Amy is maybe dead (she’s not)

The Doctor has been cubed (he’s out, but how?)

River is possibly blown up  (unless she’s Missy)

The TARDIS has blown up  (It’s fine now. Except it’s sort of melting now because it’s corrupted, but it’s fine again)

The universe appears to have ended  (the universe is back again)

The Doctor has employed(?) Nardole (And Nardole was “reassembled???”)

There’s a vault in the TARDIS and it contains Missy but we don’t know why (sometimes she knocks for the bants)

What has happened to all these companions and where are the new ones coming from?

There’s an immortal Viking girl now. Her name is Me and she’s now looking after the people the Doctor abandons

What’s With The Silence?

Why was Rory entirely unconcerned by the entire world suddenly going silent when that is Not Normal and should have been, at the very least, extremely disconcerting?

What did the Doctor do to Queen Lizzie One?

Who is Captain Jack Harkness? (Is he the one who gave the companions a warning about the lone cyberman?)

Why is Amy seeing a one-eyed woman in a vanishing window?

What’s with the Doctor’s future involving getting shot by an astronaut?

Is Amy pregnant and why is it inconclusive?

Who is Sarah-Jane Smith?

How is the Doctor Bill’s teacher and why/where does he have an office?

What is going on with the Cyber War and the Cyberium???

Who did the Doctor lose to Cyber Conversion?

What happened with the Other Cyber War?

What happened with the Third War that deleted the void?

Why does Rose seem particularly important?

What’s with the Weeping Angel statues, and why can’t you blink at them?

What order do these Doctors go in? (Eccleston, Tennant, uncertain, Smith, Capaldi.)

Which companion just… forgot the Doctor, and how?

Yaz and Vinder are about to die as Mori/Mwri/Muuri

There is a Lupari shield around Earth.

What’s a Time War?

What’s the Rift?

What’s Bad Wolf?

What happened with Amy’s pregnancy?

In which war did the Doctor become a war criminal, and how?

Who is the Master?

Why has Amy forgotten Rory?

Is Rory plastic or not?

Why is the Doctor sulking on a cloud?

How exactly does the Doctor have a cloud?

What exactly happened with Strax to, uh, tame him?

Which friend killed Strax?

Which friend brought Strax back?

Where did this lesbian lizard and human couple come from?

What happened with Clara as Souffle Girl and the Daleks?

How does Clara actually join?

Why so many Claras?

Why is Missy apparently in robo-heaven?

Why is probably!Missy pushing Clara and the Doctor together?

What is Trensilor and what happened there?

Who is Handles?

The Doctor is about to be dissolved by a beautiful geode man

The universe is being crushed by the Flux

Will the Doctor open the fob watch? (NEW INFO: he also needs to open a fob watch as Tennant, but this presumably won't count.)

Sontarans are invading Earth again

Who is Kate?

Who is Osgood? Another name of Clara’s again?

The fuck is the deal with the Grand Serpent

[lightdancer1]

LOL LMAO at people who think hating on Iroh is actually describing the character:

The real Iroh was the Shoigu of the Fire Nation who happily conducted a genocidal war of aggression and was BFF with the genocidal Rough Rhinos and presumably the people who did rape, butcher, and burn in the Water Tribes. He pulled a Gaza/Mariupol on Ba Sing Se, and fundamentally is the kind of slimy cowardly hypocrite to be unwilling to face his own brother in a fight but perfectly happy to tell Zuko to put his rabid sister down when he, who has the power to stop the omnicidal maniac who wanted the entire world to burn did not see that as a sufficient problem.

The only reason he 'liberated' Ba Sing Se in methods right out of the Second Indochina War to a point you expected to see him squatting there saying "I love the smell of napalm in the morning" was butthurt that his niece did at 14 what he couldn't for 693 days with a huge-ass army.

Cartoon Iroh was also a perv who molested a woman, at a purely petty level, and given what people like him got up to in real life General-Prince Iroh, Dragon of the West, was probably much worse than that when his every whim was law.

The problem the canon has it tells you this man who spent 90% of his life as daddy's golden boy hatchetman putting nations to the sword changed when he spends the end of the First Season arranging for the murder of the Moon and never accepts his responsibility in that at multiple levels, and ultimately is again the same cowardly little fuck who demanded the next generation do what he was unwilling to do.

Mako dying was a tragedy and at a Watsonian level it means the fandom is blighted with Saint Iroh, who is so much less interesting than the actual character described here, because he's a bland boring magic grandpa who casually kicks 14 year olds off boats neck-first.

[somethingoranother7]

I MEANT WORST LIKE MOST ANNOYING MOST INFURIATING i am ALSO the coolest guy around and all my posts and moral support fuck like rabid rhinos TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just like pestering you x3

BUT FUCK YEAH WERE DOING THIS BRO

oh i am so annoyed. oh no. how dare my mutual message me and support me 🙄 /lh /j

i'm still bonking you on the head but now only because it's funny. get bonked!! i also dont know where you're finding all these rabid rhinos but we should probably get out of here and to a safe distance!!

[leatherbookmark]

also it might be a fandom joke but i can 100% believe hockey rpf fucks like a rabid rhino (in terms of quality, not content). and this is because i have the biggest writer crush on this one atz rpf writer who's younger than me (i think?) but has already achieved some real fucking mastery of the craft. their writing is alive, not even as in "wow! relatable!" but simply because it's so rich, detailed and vivid. the writer pays attention to the things i would've never thought of examining, leads their characters through painful but incredibly satisfying development, skillfully maps out their gender, sexuality and mental health issues, and despite having several different aus, the characters are never just repainted cardboard cutouts -- every time they're slightly different, adjusted to the world they're in, but nonetheless recognizable. would this writer be able to write like this in non-rpf fandoms? entirely possible! but i know them from their rpf writing, and finding it was a fucking blessing.

[dilfcryptidarchive]

the way the author describes owen literally gave me chills the first time i read this

[wizardvanhq]

HI HIGH VAN WIZARD!!! Do YOU like MY HAT <|:] ALSO is there a WIZARD FIRE EXTINGUISHER to use for SPECIAL WIZARD FIRES

YOUR HAT FUCKS LIKE A RABID RHINO. MOST WIZARDLY.

WE JUST USE A REGULR FIRE EXTINGUISHER. SOMETIMES THE WIZARD ONE INTERACTS FUNNY WITH SPELLFIRE.

[luimnigh]

The artist behind the Rhino concept actually withdrew after harassment from Hero Hei's rabid fans. She rightfully complained that her chances of winning got snuffed by the mass voting; HH qrt'd her and she got harassed into locking her account.

Her account seems unlocked right, but you can see the harassment she’s getting and it’s awful. 

They’re also harassing Janet Varney, the VA of Avatar Korra, because she’s friends with the artist and asked her fans to support the entry. 

People like HeroHei and adel aka are just fucking terrible people, and I hate the fact that they’ve chosen this show as their hill to harass people on. 

[aalt-ctrl-del]

As the days endure and Ukraine suffers this abhorrent attack, it only seems more and more likely russia dropped the virus.

I was telling a follower, that China - if they were working on some vaccine or weapon - would be very unlikely to have dropped the virus. They lead in PPE and medical supplies, the country has strict regiment on handling bio-epidemics, they have some of the leading tech in sanitation methods.

russia is a botchy - “we tough men know no fear, comrade.” Their lack of strategy, code and regiment, miscalculation, makes it glaringly apparent that russia could have fucked up a perfectly good bioweapon.

And maga people screm into the void - “ChInA DiDnT WaRN Us!”

You think if russia suffered an outbreak of fucking mysterious virus spread, they would go to the United Nations and say, “Hello, yes comrade. Is problem have for motherland russia. Send PEE.”

I would call you a nutbag piece of shit. You have no idea the capacity russia has for making people go buh-bye. The people dictator putin doesn’t like, they do a David Copperfield. You won’t see those people. Ever.

putins lack of standards and brain rotting stupidity can do at least one thing right. They can fucking kill people. And they can keep word from escaping the iron curtain. You think they’d differentiate from regular rhino and covid. No. Bet a lot of people could have gone missing without us going.... wut?

I know a lot of you kids are babies, and you don’t know russia has been a threat to the United States - to an extent the world - up until the early 90s. Let me do the math for you right quick. That’s basically, yes, 30 years we’ve had a tentative ‘alliance’ with russia.

Which boils down to, “They probably won’t invade today.”

Our relationship with russia, to putin, has always been a business transaction. Nothing more. We share resources, information (sort... of). But russia, at least let me clarify putin, he hates america. We’re stupid and annoying, and the only good thing about our country is that we breed the super variants.

And also we were so pissy about an election cycle, we put into office a stale marshmallow who could be gas lit, ego-stroked, and had the emotional range of a used tampon.

BTW IM TALKING ABOUT TRUMP. TRUMP IS AS TRANSPARENT AS NITROGEN GAS.

And this is not a conspiracy theory plucked off facebook. I’ve rationalized from Feb 2020 that the likely culprit of fucking bullshit global pandemic, if this virus was not a naturally occurring fucker from some stranded mine or the congos, could have realistically been released by some dumbass piece of shit.

russia comes to the forefront, because they have been super quiet and distanced and fucking shit about controlling their side of the pandemic, from day -58. And trump is 

ALWAYS ALWAYS SO EAGER TO PASS THE BLAME ONTO CHINAH. HMMMM!!!!!!! I WONDER WHO GAVE HIM THAT COGNITIVE IDEA

Lets call a meeting and vote someone off the ship.

Then I said, off record and only to close family - because fucking don’t give people like russia spies ideas - this is a prime time for an attack on some country. The virus is a destabilizer.  I said, hey, lets keep an eye on russia. putin looks sus.

Because putin was never an ally. He’s just a guy waiting for an opportunity, and an excuse. And trump handed the motherfucker a full banquet and said, “yus master. Harder.”

the maga people are eager to hold up signs and shit of their fucking fat goiter in rambo gear. awesom. trumps a massive tool. He a hoe. He calls putin a brilliant genius, becaus putin is willing to send troops and weapons to the maga crowd in the United States, if only to see these covid-rabid lunatic trump-supporters supply some fucking entertainment.

putin wants to watch the world burn. But he set his own shoes on fire.

[master-sass-blast]

Strong as Stone, Part Two.

Wow! I have to say, I was really surprised by the response to my first Okoye x M’Baku fic thingy ( https://master-sass-blast.tumblr.com/post/171948341221/strong-as-stone ) (you’ll probably have to paste into the search bar, since Tumblr seems to be eating the link). I’ve also caught the ‘make it a long-ass story’ bug, so here’s part two of who knows how the fuck many.

I’m also thinking of making an AO3 account so I can upload everything to one unified spot, so let me know if that’s something y’all would like.

So, without further ado, onto the preamble:

Warnings: Moderate language, the joys of politics, and rare-pair frustration (all aboard the frustration boat).

Rating: Meh, probably PG-13 again. I do enjoy the occasional swear word.

Pairings (yes, plural this time!): Okoye x M’Baku and background T’Challa x Nakia.

@the-last-hair-bender. You know why I’m tagging you.

Breathe in, then out. Be like the wind. Flow around whatever obstacles come your way, carry whatever you need, and, when you don’t need it anymore, let it fall away from you and move on, unburdened.

Breathe in, then out. Let everything flow over you, like the stone at the bottom of a stream. Be refined by your struggles, but don’t let them break you.

Breathe in-

Okoye gritted her teeth as she tried to reach a mindset of relaxation, but her usual state of calm awareness was alluding her tonight. She’d tried meditative yoga, rhythmic breathing, and practicing martial forms, but nothing seemed to shake the edge of irritation that had been creeping up her spine all day. Out of options --and patience--she’d retreated to the palace gardens once more.

She sat under the tree she had sat under with M’Baku only a few nights earlier in a meditative position, mentally running over the various platitudes and proverbs she’d learned during her years as a Dora Milaje.

Okoye ground her teeth together as the irritation roiled underneath her skin. Platitudes and proverbs only go so far. If she had hair, she would’ve torn it out by now.

The day began as it normally would. Okoye woke with the sun, trained with Ayo in the courtyard for half an hour, then began morning training with the other members of the Dora Milaje. However, halfway through the session, she was interrupted by a messenger from the King: an emergency council session was being called, and she was needed immediately.

The last time a council session had been called so early in the morning, T’Chaka had died.

Okoye had freshened herself up as fast as she could, yanked on her dress armor, and practically sprinted to the throne room, only to stumble into a world of frustration.

The night before, the United Nations Security Council had issued a statement declaring that, due to its advanced technology, Wakanda could prove a threat to the rest of the world, and that the King needed to permit an inspection committee to come visit Wakanda to ensure the ‘good intentions’ of the Wakandan leaders, lest tensions and suspicions rise too high.

Okoye clenched her hands into fists and let out an irritated growl. Honestly, where did those colonizers get off? Wakanda hadn’t made any moves to claim other independent nations, hadn’t leveled any threats against any the outside world, and had just launched a massive outreach program to try and aid communities in need. The King himself had visited every new Wakandan outreach facility to ensure that everything was up to proper standard, and had listened to countless experts and social workers to make sure that Wakanda’s efforts to help the rest of the world were properly tailored to each respective community.

Granted, Okoye was ninety percent certain that some of T’Challa’s over the top thoroughness was to woo Nakia, if the red and purple hickeys peeking over the edge of his collar were anything to go by, but still!

She’d had to sit through three hours of the council members raging, debating, and --at times--insulting each other, before T’Challa had finally called the meeting to a close when the Mining Tribe leader had called the Merchant Tribe’s leader’s son an ‘uneducated pile of rhino shit.’

Okoye closed her eyes and leaned back against the tree she was sitting under. He had to call it off when it was finally getting good, too, and not an hour earlier, when they were just repeating the same three arguments.

The one fortunate part of that ill-fated meeting was that M’Baku had been there. Okoye had traded sly, faintly amused looks with the Jabari chief during the course of the debacle whenever one of the leaders said something particularly ridiculous. Despite the differences between the united tribes and the Jabari, Okoye was pretty sure that the hulking man held the same opinion about politics that she did:

Using a spear made everything move much faster.

She’d hoped to talk to him briefly after the meeting adjourned, to thank him for his kindness towards her a few nights earlier, only for T’Challa --and, by proxy and duty, her--to be whisked away because of another burgeoning disaster:

Donald Trump.

Okoye was perfectly willing to admit that her taste in politics --and, by proxy, political leaders--wasn’t a varied one; save for the King and his late father, she really didn’t have patience for any of them.

Okoye let out an irritated huff. Squabblers, the lot of them. Give me my spear and ten minutes, and I could accomplish as much as they could in two hours.

At any rate, the man that Shuri kept referring to as “the Annoying Orange,” had issued an egotistical statement during a press conference about Wakanda that, once one moved past all the insinuations about ability to woo a woman and dick size, boiled down to:

Wakanda’s refusal to share vibranium made them selfish, and thus potential enemies of the Western world.

Okoye remembered seeing red as the stupid man kept droning on and on about the “great dangers of Wakanda.”

At that moment, T’Challa had dropped his head into his hands and let out a sigh that sounded more defeated than the sobs of a grieving widow.

He’s talking out his ass! Okoye thought irately. He doesn’t know the first thing about us!

Unbidden, W’Kabi’s voice spoke in her mind.

Enough, my love. You are with me, now. Leave it all behind.

Okoye clenched her jaw hard enough that it should’ve cracked her teeth.

No. Not now. She was not going to think about W’Kabi. He didn’t deserve the effort. Okoye moved back into her meditation stance. Be calm, like the lake in the early morning. Let yourself flow, and deposit your burdens on the shore with the tides of your emotions. Breathe in, then--

“I take it this tree is a favorite of yours?”

Her spear was in her hands and ready, and she was on her feet, pointing the tip of her --Bast dammit.

M’Baku grinned down at her. “I would think that you’d recognize the sound of my voice by now.”

Okoye narrowed her eyes at him, but didn’t bother to hide the smile playing on her lips. “I might if you spoke more in the council meetings.” She retracted her spear. “What brings you into the gardens so late?”

��Enjoying the beauty of nature, hoping to run into you.” He motioned to the tree. “So, is this one a favorite of yours?”

Okoye blinked slowly. “It... it is a tree. I have no feelings towards it.”

“Ah, but the last time I found you here, you were crying. Tonight, I find you here in a rage strong enough to scare a rabid lion. So, clearly, you have a connection to this spot or you wouldn’t be able to come here to express yourself.”

Okoye looked up at the tree and its wide canopy. “I suppose I never thought of it that way.”

“I take it you had a long day?”

Okoye dropped back onto the bench with a weary sigh. “That would be one way of putting it. You saw the council meeting this morning.”

M’Baku grimaced as he sat down next to her. “That I did. It reminded me of why the Jabari are isolationists.”

“I keep telling the King to give me ten minutes and a spear.”

M’Baku chuckled. “And how does he react when you tell him that?”

“He laughs, then tells me to play nice.”

“And what happens when the legendary General Okoye stops playing nice?”

Okoye smiled at him wryly. “Files are redacted and witnesses go missing.”

M’Baku laughed, loud and hearty. “Remind me to never find myself on your bad side.”

Okoye managed to smile, but found herself groaning with exhaustion again. “Would you believe me if I told you that the day got worse from there?”

“That’s not possible.”

“Oh, but it is,” Okoye said with grimace. “So, in addition to the statement given by the UN Security Council, the United States President also decided to launch a statement of his own.”

“How bad was it?”

“Before or after the innuendos and talk about seducing women?”

M’Baku groaned, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Hanuman help us, what did he say?”

“He claimed that, given the actions of Killmonger, Wakanda likely had terrorist idealizations against the rest of the world, claimed that the outreach centers are secretly installations to brainwash the citizens of the ‘free world,’ and compared the King and the tribal leaders to the likes of North Korea, China, and the Islamic State.” At M’Baku’s blank stare, she said, “You don’t know what those last three mean, do you?” When M’Baku shook his head, she did her best to give him the basic idea of the atrocities committed by the other entities that Wakanda had been compared to.

M’Baku let out a savage growl. “This! This is why the Jabari are isolationists! This is why Wakanda should’ve never revealed itself! We try to extend a gracious hand to the world, only for it to be spat upon!”

Okoye crossed her arms over her chest. “It probably would’ve happened anyway. This latest president is a real ass. Besides, whether you agree with the King or not, you can’t deny that Wakanda couldn’t have hidden in the shadows forever.”

“No, but this was not the right time to reveal ourselves!”

“We’re talking about colonizers. There’s never going to be a ‘right time.’“

M’Baku slumped against the tree and let out a heavy sigh. “Fair enough.”

Okoye leaned forward and braced her arms against her knees. “You know what the worst of it is? The King looked so defeated by the end of the ‘speech.’ He looked so broken down at the words of a mindless idiot!”

M’Baku raised an eyebrow. “You clearly think highly of our King.”

“I have watched that man push himself to the brink to make sure this project goes well. He’s invested into each site, made sure that he’s targeting areas that really need our efforts, consulted with hundreds of experts to make sure that each center targets the specific needs of each community, he’s visited each center upon its opening, and for what? No one talks about the good that Wakanda’s doing, no one acknowledges the King’s efforts, it’s just ‘vibranium this’ and ‘vibranium that!’“ Okoye smacked her fist into her palm. “We are more than just vibranium!”

M’Baku placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “You're frustrated.”

Okoye drew in a ragged breath. “I’m just... so... tired. I can’t tell you how many colonizers I’ve watched over the years belittle the royal family and making disparaging comments, just because of our perceived economic status, or our ancestry, or our skin color! And now, now that we’ve proven that we’re capable of impacting the world --now that we’ve opened up the idea that we might even be superior to the Western world--all they see us as is another pool to drain resources from, like they’re entitled to it.”

M’Baku rubbed his hand up and down her back. “They’re small-minded and prideful. Eventually, they’ll fall, and their foolishness will reveal itself.”

Okoye shook her head. “That’s the trick with colonizers. They always find a way to hang it on someone else’s shoulders.”

M’Baku moved his arm around her shoulders, and squeezed her in a gentle half-hug. “Not this time. This time, we’re watching, and there won’t be any room for them to hide.”

Okoye let out a derisive snort. “Pah. Watching is a politician’s game. Give me my spear any day of the week.”

M’Baku let out a quiet laugh. “May the Western world learn to fear the day when the indomitable General Okoye loses her patience and uses her spear.”

Okoye smirked as she let her head rest against his shoulder. “‘Indomitable?’ Have you been reading from a thesaurus lately?”

“I like to keep my conversations riveting.”

For the second time in almost as many nights, she found herself drained, yet strangely freed by talking to M’Baku. There was an odd comfort to it, in leaning against his solid, muscular form and listening to his rich, deep voice.

Riveting conversation, indeed, Okoye thought as his thumb traced small circles on her shoulder. She sighed as the warm night breeze swirled around them. “I need to go back to bed,” she said, despite the immediate inner protest she felt. “I’ve taken up enough of your time.”

“I’m still not in a hurry.”

“Well, I still need sleep so that when the fateful day comes, I’m rested enough to use my spear.”

M’Baku laughed as he stood with her. “You’ll have the world knocked into order in no time.”

Okoye smiled up at him. “Are you including the Jabari in that statement, or not?”

“Why, do you think we would slow you down?”

Okoye snorted, and rolled her eyes. “Hardly. I just want to make sure I have the most efficient path of action possible, and that means knowing what I’m up against.”

M’Baku grinned widely at her. “You are a force to be reckoned with, General Okoye. I pity the next opponent that underestimates you.”

“I never was able to thank you,” Okoye blurted out before he could depart from her. “For your kindness the other night, when I...” Her throat tightened as the guilt and pain surged forward, and she did her best to tamp it down. “When I was.. overwhelmed. You didn’t have to do any of what you did. Thank you.”

M’Baku stepped towards her, and took her hand in his. “Kindness creates kindness, General. I try to create kindness where I can.”

Okoye smiled, feeling shy in spite of herself and her training. “I know. Any man who could lose a fight, then turn around and save his opponent, truly knows kindness.”

M’Baku smiled --almost blindingly so, despite the night--and squeezed her hand before letting it go. “Goodnight, General Okoye.”

“Goodnight, Chief M’Baku.”

[somethingoranother7]

you're going to build the best fucking future ever because you're cool and amazing and all of your posts fuck like rabid rhinos!!!!!

were gonna do this bro. were gonna make this happen. together.. (im going to be the worst fucking moral support ever but im gonna cheer you on every step of the way!!)

GRABBING YOUR HAND. WE ARE DOING THIS MAN. WE ARE MAKING THIS HAPPEN!

i am also immediately taking a rolled up newspaper and bonking you on the head. no!! you are the BEST moral support ever, say it with your CHEST toby /lh

you are coming up with me. hand in loveable hand

[leatherbookmark]

fuck or die/sex pollen, Very Specific This Is Almost Definitely The Writer's Job/Hobby AU, Magical Creachure AU

wow, anon! those are Just the tropes i wanted to talk about! it's almost as if you were me, sending this ask to myself for this exact purpose! amazing. anyway

fuck or die/sex pollen: are technically different things but i will put them together and give them an A because they're the one trope that i actually Have In The Past combed ao3 for. lol. i don't know! i don't know. usually characters losing the control over their autonomy, bodies and so on kinda bug me, and while in a certain state i can accept a/b/o, when i try to think about the Social Circumstances of everyone being aware you're in horny town/about to enter horny town/submissive and breedable/etc for more than five seconds i go insane, but. there's SOMETHING about fuck or die and sex pollen that just *clenches fist* gets me.

i haven't read many fics where the characters forced to fuck are total not even a little sexually attracted to each other*; mostly it's been ships i was interested in, and while obviously for the characters involved it's probably hell, there's often this moment of... idk, assurance that neither part is using the other? the mind-blowing sex we're about to have is 100% medicinal/situational, i am doing this 100% respectfully...!

*hold up. i have. IT WAS NIECEST. i think some guys have captured them and forced them to fuck or else, and it was hoooorrible for them both because they were NOT miserably in forbidden love with each other in this scenario. 🥰🥰🥰

except. EXCEPT. there's also the Angst Potential (which i hope to squeeze as much as in can when i get to it 😬). the "i want him to rail me into next tuesday, but of course he would never...! and yet here he is, forced to rail me into next tuesday to save my life! how horrible! i am staining his pristine body with my filthy, cursed, and horny body...! ah! what horror. what utter bliss". as well as the top version of it, aka the "ah! he would never! but here i am, having to--" etc. but ALSO the, uh, spoiler alert, "i would love to be somewhere else. instead i am railing this person, who is very dear to me in a way i can't yet explain due to reasons etc, into next tuesday. they seem into it. no, it's the curse. but they seem really into it. no, i'm victim-blaming. they would never. not that it's bad. but--"

like. Wa Hoo! nice 👍

Very Specific This Is Almost Definitely The Writer's Job/Hobby AU: fucks like a rabid rhino even in cases where i have no idea what any of those terms mean. i want to get IMMERSED! give me those DETAILS you funky little author! YEAS. A

Magical Creachure AU: AH YOU SEE. depends on everything including the creachure.

like, say, one of them is a mermaid (gender neutral). i just got reminded of a rinharu mermaid fic that i was crazy about back in the times. anyway! there's... the list of things that happen in a mermaid au is pretty predictable, i think? dude finds a mermaid, they either meet on the beach or the mermaid is injured and needs help --> into the bathtub you go; the mermaid learns about human stuff and the human learns about mermaid stuff, insert conflict either down there or up there, sex? and then A SOLUTION, which often is "the mermaid stays on land due to Love". it can be done well! and it can be done not well. it really depends!

paradoxically, i don't really like it when the creature character is too much like an animal and too little like a human. does this make sense? for example, when they eat their human's pet, don't know much about Emotions, talk about Nesting and Mating rather than, idk, finding someone to fuck... that's. that's kind of like an animal that can talk, i feel? not exactly my cup of tea, so to speak. i'd much prefer if there was some other Culture under the sea, with existing traditions and such, but a culture nonetheless. something like "i caught you this big huge fish in broad daylight because i want you to be my mate forever!" vs "oh yeah, well, when we like someone we bring them stuff, mostly good food but cool stuff from the surface is a hit too. you do that too...? ah, figures. shit listen can i bring you a hugeass fish because i don't really have cash money"

When There Are Vampires/Werewolves: i have this sad disease called "i don't really care about vampires/werewolves and i don't think blood sucking is sexy" :(

When One Of Them Can Turn Into Some Animal: yknow what. yeah. yeah that's good stuff (i bet you're all surprised). this is good. there's Human Them, and then there's Animal Them, and they both need different things, and their beloved wants to give it to them. what's cooler than a little guy chilling in the coils of a huge fuckass dragon, who is his loving boyfriend? probably that dragon boyfriend killing some annoying people for him! what's cooler than a guy cuddling a bighuge wolf who's (you guessed it!) their boyfriend who has a bad brain day and just needs to be dog for a bit. what's cooler than lan xichen holding a little bird a-yao in his hands, gently, so gently that not a feather on a-yao's person is ruffled, ready to hide him from the world, ready to kill for this tiny ball of feathers, each smaller than his little fin--hi? no i did not drop any names, you're just imagining things. anyway. S

[dilfcryptidarchive]

tom hiddleston photographed by zoe mcconnell for cartier (2021)