#and also also that vignette at the end is an edit of one from an old set of vignettes I drew a few years ago | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

protagaster · 2 months ago

Text

Hello, all! My hyper-fixation and maladaptive daydreaming scenarios are currently centering around the fantastic EPIC! the Musical, created by the amazing Jorge Rivera-Herrans!

However, because I have a female main character bias, I tend to imagine the songs as if they were sung by my current best girl: Penelope.

Thankfully, two artists went ahead and drew this into reality: @vioofc and @too-much-flynnolium. Inspired by their works of perfection, I have gone and wrote the first of many vignettes based around this Warrior Penelope AU!

There is also a version on Ao3, if you prefer that platform over Tumblr!

EDIT (10/7):

Hello all! I'm in the process of heavily editing this AU in order to have it:

A) Make more sense

B) Fit the timeline better

You'll notice some changes here and there in the story! Some of the content was cut, but don't worry! I'm gonna add it into a fic of its own in the future, so look out for that! ;)

(Credit to @w3ndytheraccoon for an excellent idea of theirs I included in this AU! You'll see it towards the end!)

A King with no Queen (EPIC! Swap AU)

Odysseus is trying to cope with many things.

His failure forced his beloved Penelope to fight the Trojan war in his stead, leaving behind all she ever knew and what she thought herself to be. In turn, the King was left to run his kingdom and raise their daughter all by himself.

This is how things have been for the past 12 years. And now, to make things even harder, the first of his suitors have made themselves at home in his palace…

Odysseus is a rare kind of man.

In fact, it was not uncommon for the King of Ithaca to be compared to a single drachma coin. There seemed to be two completely opposing sides driving him:

On one end, Odysseus was the alluring, cunning, quick-witted man that achieved many impressive feats throughout his life.

He was deemed ready and crowned King of Ithaca at the young age of 13, despite his father being very much alive. He passed her challenge and was gifted the guidance of the Goddess of Wisdom herself, something he very much boasted to all who would listen.

He even fell in love with a Princess of Sparta!

And, despite the warnings of those closest to him, she too fell in love and accepted his hand, regardless of how small and lacking his humble Ithaca was compared to the grandiose and luxurious Spartan kingdom.

Yes, despite being relatively smaller and having considerably less strength when compared to his fellow Greek man, Odysseus was a warrior with an arguably more valuable and sought after prowess: a warrior of the mind.

So why, even with these innate talents and gifts of intellect, was it not enough to keep him from harm during that first year of war?

Why was it not enough to keep her, the only person whose life he desired more than his own, to have to pay for his hubris?

That was where the other side of Odysseus’ drachma came into view, a side of despair. A side of longing. A side that waited…

“Your Majesty…”

Eurylochus waited for a moment, staring at the king from the double-doors of his bedchamber balcony.

…

Nothing.

“Odysseus…” Eurylochus tried again, if not for a response then hoping for at least some form of acknowledgment.

…

Still nothing.

Eurylochus was unsure of what to do.

It was far too early for his liking; the sun was still in the oceans’ embrace, the sky a dark indigo with only a few streams of orange light penetrating its serenity.

The day was only just beginning. Any other morning Eurylochus would most likely still be asleep, albeit prepared to wake once the early light illuminated his dark and lonely bedroom.

However, this day was not like any other.

And so, with great reluctance for more than one reason, Eurylochus woke early to fetch his king. One of his best friends. His brother.

And this made him nervous.

Not to wake the other, mind, as Odysseus always woke within the first instances of Helios’ light.

No, Eurylochus was nervous because of what the day represented.

And so, in an act that could have been either futile avoidance, petty rebellion, or a sad mix of both, Eurylochus allowed his brother to have this one moment of disassociation.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the balcony, Odysseus continued to sit peacefully in his kline. He had chosen not to respond to the call of his name, despite knowing the urgency behind Eurylochus’ visit.

Instead, Odysseus chose to stay true to his personal morning ritual: sitting in silence with morning’s first light.

He had honored this custom for more than a decade; he did not want today to be the one time he disturbed his routine, nor did he want to leave the comfort the balcony’s kline brought him.

Every morning he sat in silence, waiting. Every morning he sat in his designated seat, the left side of the kline, soothed by what it represented.

After all, it was Penelope’s very first contribution when brought to her new home.

Odysseus remembered when the young couple had picked out the kline upon their first week of engagement, with Penelope first to declare that the right side belonged to her. Odysseus remembered laughing, saying that it made sense "considering she is always right".

The kline was placed on the left side, on the farthest corner of their bedroom balcony. In this place the loveseat had a perfect view, with Ithaca’s beaches on one side and the villages of the common folk on the other. Penelope always loved this spot, for if she wanted she could see the sky kiss the ocean and embrace the beaches from above, or the hustle and bustle of her people, satisfied and content with their lives, down below.

At first Odysseus did not understand why Penelope would subject herself to wake so early in the morning simply to gaze upon the rising sun. Now, only after she had been forcefully sent away, did he understand how something as simple as the day’s first light could bring an instance of happiness to an otherwise age of despair.

And thus led to his daily ritual, one he has promised never interrupted no matter what.

Every sunrise for the past 12 years, starting from the moment he woke, the King of Ithaca would spend a few minutes staring at the various views outside his bedroom balcony; it was never too long, but the minutes always lingered with a heavy sense of despair and longing.

...

How long has it been, Odysseus couldn’t help but wonder, since he last saw his wife lounging in their kline. When was the last time she beckoned him to join her with a wave of her delicate hand, appreciating the open air whilst the kingdom was in a state of silent calm and peace.

Too long, Odysseus concluded to himself.

“Ody…”

Odysseus flinched, knowing the other only called him by that name when all other options failed.

Finally turning to acknowledge his visitor, Odysseus saw Eurylochus leaning against the door frame. His best friend, his brother, was watching him with a sad look in his eyes.

“It’s been 3 years,” Eurylochus' voice was sad, betraying the attempt of stoicism in his eyes. “They aren’t coming back-”

“You don’t know that.” Odysseus yelled out sternly. Unfortunately, he immediately regretted it when he saw Eurylochus let out a heavy sigh with his shoulders slumping in unison.

“Eury… I-I’m sorry-”

“It’s okay, Ody,” Eurylochus said with a smile that was not at all genuine. “I know.”

Odysseus wanted to kick himself. After all, he and Eurylochus were stuck in the same horrible situation.

Both men waited, longing for someone that was no longer by their side. Both men woke alone inside their isolated, dark, empty bedchambers, at one point naively unaware of how large a bed could be until that fateful day 12 years ago.

Both men waited, longing for the return of their wives: Queen Penelope of Ithaca and her best friend and second in command, Princess Ctimene.

It had been 13 years since the Trojan war officially began, a petty debate between the Gods leading to Helen’s abduction. Menelaus and Agamemnon drafted Helen’s suitors to help in her rescue, using Odysseus’ proposed oath to defend her husband against those who would dare to challenge him.

Odysseus had tried to avoid this draft through various means, but each attempt ended unsuccessfully. He was required to fight in this war, forced to take with him only the best of his Ithacan warriors. He remembered his tearful goodbyes to Penelope and Telemachas, filled to the brim with sorrow at having to leave his beautiful wife and newly-born daughter.

From then on, since he first set foot on Trojan soil and every subsequent battle thereafter, Odysseus would pray to the Gods to find a way to end his term in the war. Anything to return back to Ithaca as quickly as possible.

The Gods were quick to grant his wish.

That first year of war no one could have expected things to turn out as they did.

The men had secretly infiltrated the Palace of Troy using various spies, successfully sneaking Helen out and tucking her aboard the first ship back to Greece. Unfortunately, the Trojans were quick to discover her disappearance.

The Trojans took their revenge the next night. The Greek army, beyond ecstatic that their primary goal had been achieved, went to sleep that night with their bellies filled with meat and cups poured with more wine than water.

None of them noticed the dead quiet of the nature surrounding them.

The Trojans, with their own spies implanted in the Greek army, had found their hidden camps. Before the men of Greece realized it, they were too late. They were struck without mercy, the etiquettes of war no longer a priority.

The Greeks, despite their night of festivities, put up one hell of a fight. The battle took hours, lasting from the darkness of night up until the early crack of dawn.

The Trojans quickly retreated once early light hit. However, the damage was done.

In the struggle Menelaus and his closest brothers-in-arms were taken prisoner, held as a form of ransom. Odysseus was the only one in Menelaus' circle to avoid this capture, for Eurylochus and the rest of his Ithacan crew refused to allow the Trojans the glory of kidnapping their king whilst under their watch.

Though there were few deaths, the Greek men were maimed and damaged beyond repair.

The lucky ones had escaped the confrontation with more scars and wounds littering their bodies, though they were the ones likely to return to combat after a short time of recovery. The unlucky ones, the majority of the men, had been struck deep in the flesh. Their injuries sustained left no meager scars or wounds, but permanent physical hindrances to their limbs and muscles.

Odysseus was speared in his left shoulder. Though the gash had closed and relatively faded 12 years later, he could no longer maneuver his arm as easily as before. Without his weekly massages and leather brace, which he wore only when surrounded by those he trusted, he couldn’t even wield his bow as effortlessly as he once did.

Eurylochus was sliced in his left eye, leaving him permanently blind from that view. He had also been struck in his leg, though it was not as severe as his previous injury and had already come to a full recovery.

Regardless, the state of the current Greek army was too grave to ignore.

A few handfuls of the men, those deemed fit and well enough to continue combat, were left behind to hold down the front lines. The rest, consisting of practically their entire army, were sent back home to recover and sustain what little dignity they still had.

Though he had been permanently damaged, Odysseus couldn’t help but see a small silver lining. Even if it wasn’t how he expected, the Gods had granted his wish. Now, he was able to stay by Penelope’s side and raise their daughter together.

If only he had known then what he knew now.

Even though the men could no longer partake in battle, Greece still needed an army. And of course, for the sake of their own petty interests, this is when the Gods intervened.

Almost immediately after he had returned home, the God of War himself stood before them with his signature spear in hand. However, he was not there to speak with the King.

He was there to make a demand of the Queen.

Ares ordered his student, Penelope, and her unofficial sisters-in-arms, women trained in combat with the blessings of the God of War and Goddess of the Hunt, to fight in the war against Troy on his behalf. All of this was to “make up” with Hera, after first siding with the Trojans on Aphrodite’s request.

Odysseus remembered how he pleaded, begging to return to the battlefield in his wife’s place. Pride and flesh be damned!

Odysseus knew what Penelope’s life would look like in Troy, having experienced it himself for the past year. Even if she had sufficient knowledge in the art of combat, trained by her life as a Spartan and student of Ares, she was still a traditional woman who enjoyed traditional womanly activities. Fighting and killing in the name of the Gods as a woman had never been heard of before that point!

And then there was Telemachas, their beautiful baby girl who was only a single year old. What would her life look like, growing up without her mother to guide her through the trials of womanhood?

Unfortunately no amount of begging and pleading, nor the King’s friendship with Athena, could spare his wife of her mentor’s decree; neither could it spare the many other women trained in the art of defense.

Within the next two month a portion of Ithaca’s women, those of age and combat experience, boarded the ships to war.

The next 12 years consisted of a mixed flurry of emotions.

Of those 12 years it took 9 before the war came to an end. Helen, once nothing more than a damsel in distress, proved her strength to everyone with her contribution to the war. After rescuing Menelaus and the other captive men, the royalty of Troy were killed off to the last drop of blood. Rumors circulated within the Greek world that Penelope had a great hand to play in their victory, but the specificities were never clarified.

Eurylochus, along with the people of Ithaca, recalled the look of pure joy in their King’s eyes when the messenger gave them the news. Many thought their King’s happiness was due to his wife’s battle prowess being praised by all who could speak, but those closest to Odysseus knew the truth.

Odysseus was ecstatic that his wife was finally coming home.

Penelope would once again be inside his arms! Her warmth, her voice, her scent, they all would no longer be reduced to a distant memory. The people of Ithaca would once again have their Queen, and Telemachas could finally meet and learn from the mother she had heard so many wonderful stories about.

That’s how things should have been by now. And yet, 3 years after the war’s end, the wives and daughters of Ithaca had still not returned.

Many held out hope in the beginning, thinking that the womens’ delay was only a momentary setback. They believed it would not be much longer, that the women would return any day now.

However, days turned into months. And those months quickly became years.

With their hope dying alongside their wives and now presumed to now be widowers, the husbands and fathers of Ithaca reacted in very different ways. Many remarried, desperate to once again have their homes filled with the comfort of a wife and care of a mother. The rest could not bear the thought of remarriage, taking up vows of celibacy in honor of their fallen wives and praying to the Gods that their love alone would be good enough for their children.

The one thing they all had in common: they had lost hope of their wives ever returning to Ithaca.

This was where Odysseus differed from them all.

His people, Eurylochus, and now even Polites had tried telling him how likely it was that Penelope perished at sea. They reminded him that as the King of Ithaca it was his duty to find a new Queen. The kingdom needed a female role model alongside the male, to help him rule and lead their kingdom to prosperity. This was the standard procedure for royalty in Greece.

But Odysseus was never one to follow the standard procedure.

“Some of our… visitors… are making themselves at home in the throne room.” Eurylochus finally broke the silence once again, reminding Odysseus of the very thing he was trying to disassociate from. “They’re asking when you’ll go to see them.”

Odysseus couldn’t mask his frustration.

3 years. That’s all those selfish dogs had given him to “mourn” for the love of his life, for the mother Telemachas never had the chance to know.

And now that the 3 years were up, they expected him to move on just like that.

“Already?” Odysseus commented as he rose from his left seat, almost feeling impressed with the desperation of his so-called guests. “Helios hasn’t even finished placing the sun in its morning spot.”

“C’mon, you and I know human nature better than anyone.” Eurylochus scoffed, having to turn his head to get a proper view of the palace yards beginning to pack with various women and their guards. “Who would ever resist the chance to obtain more power?”

Odysseus let out a scoff of his own as he walked back inside his bedchamber, practically identical to Eurylochus’. Though his expression was quick to change into one of concern.

“What of Telemachas!? Is she-”

“She’s still sleeping. I went to check on her before coming to get you.” Eurylochus answered calmly to Odysseus’ growing anxiety. “I knew you’d ask, so I figured I’d get it out of the way.”

Odysseus let out a sigh of relief. Eurylochus was one of the very few people he trusted with the keys to his palace, which meant he was one of the only few with the ability to open the doors of the royal bedchambers.

If Telemachas was still asleep, then that meant she would be spared of the wrath and judgments of the “guests” below. For now.

He would have to check in on her later, for both their sakes.

Meanwhile, for the sake of maintaining peace, Odysseus had a duty to greet his guests and show them hospitality. Even if he didn't want to.

And he really, really didn't want to.

Odysseus, now wearing his royal chiton and elegant gold crown, walked down the halls of his palace with his head held high. Eurylochus walked by his side, hand strategically placed near the handle of his broadsword, ready to protect his King from strangers with ill intent.

It did not take long to make their way to the palace throne room. Given how small Ithaca was as a kingdom, it made sense for the royal palace to look smaller in comparison to neighboring palaces.

However, even with the relatively small structure, both men shouldn’t have been able to hear commotion within the throne room from 4 halls ahead. This was an immediate indication to Odysseus of how many women were already vying for his kingdom.

Once the two men stood close enough to the throne room’s closed doors they were able to hear the muffled voices from before much more clearly.

“What’s the hold up!?”

“We’ve been waiting for hours!”

“Why can’t we find the King ourselves?!”

They all sounded feminine. And very annoyed.

“Ladies, please!” A man's voice, Polites’, called out from the other side of the doors. “The King will arrive in just a moment! So, in the meantime, why don’t we all conduct ourselves in a polite, orderly fashion?”

A chorus of exasperated groans; if there were any words spoken then they were undecipherable due to the sheer loudness of the crowd.

Odysseus saw Eurylochus toss him a look, one that had “I told you so” written all over it.

Nevertheless Odysseus let out a deep breath, praying to the Gods above that he looked much more confident than he felt. With a nod to the other, Eurylochus made his way to the double doors of the throne room.

He threw the doors open, attracting the attention of every guest within the throne room. Welcome or otherwise.

Eurylochus’ booming voice could be heard from every corner of the large room:

“Presenting His Majesty, Odysseus, King of Ithaca!”

Everyone within the throne room, friend, suitor, or guard, either kneeled or bowed at the sight of the luminous King of Ithaca.

Odysseus paid them no mind. He opted to stare straight ahead, looking at nothing in particular. He sat on the left throne, despite royal customs declaring he sit on the right. The right seat belonged to Penelope and Penelope only.

He would make sure every suitor in his palace remembered this.

Meanwhile on the opposite side of the room, while Odysseus prepared to address the crowd, Polites was slowly inching his way to Eurylochus’ side. Eurylochus did not notice the younger approaching him, only realizing when Polites had placed a hand on his shoulder.

Polites gestured to the third member of their friend group, mouthing a silent “Is he okay?”.

Eurylochus blanked, unsure of how he should answer, before opting to shrug his shoulders; Not necessarily disagreeing but not entirely agreeing either.

Polites understood. Odysseus was somehow both managing and not.

Polites couldn’t help but grow somber. He could sympathize, but never fully understand. He will never fully understand the pain his best friends shared when it came to the misfortune caused to them by the Trojan war.

Polites was one of the lucky few spared of permanent injury on that fateful battle 13 years ago. Any wounds and scars he attained had long since faded, their only proof of existence reduced to mere memory. Meanwhile, Odysseus and Eurylochus had sustained injuries that would affect them for the rest of their lives.

Odysseus and Eurylochus were also victims to the whims of the Gods, for the divine ordered their wives to war in their stead. How must it feel, to know the love of your life was forced to act as your replacement simply because you allowed yourself to be moved by premature pride?

Even though it was painful to Eurylochus, Polities knew it was pure agony to Odysseus. He had lost both his younger sister and wife due to a rash victory party…

Odysseus suddenly shot his best friends a look, silently indicating to them that he was ready for his speech.

Polites and Euylochus stood straight and gave him their undivided attention. They were ready to lend him their support, regardless of the difficult decision he made.

“Greetings, my friends.”

Odysseus took mental note of the amount of women littering his throne room. 32 in total, so far.

“I am delighted to see so many new, cordial faces in our humble kingdom on this day,”

The suitors weren’t stupid. They all knew Odysseus did not mean a word of what he was saying. He was just spouting flowery nonsense for the sake of appearances.

However, it mattered not what he felt. All that mattered was his submission to the expectations of Greek royalty.

That included his remarriage.

“Now, let’s not beat around the bush.” Odysseus gave everyone an easy, nonchalant smile. “You all want to know who I will take as my new Queen.”

That threw everyone for a loop.

Those who knew Odysseus, his guards, servants, and slaves, were surprised at how readily he addressed the issue he tried so desperately to avoid.

The suitors, along with their guards, were also shocked that he was willing to address the issue without hesitation. Were the rumors about him and his loyalty to his wife all false?

Polites and Eurylochus, who had known Odysseus for practically their entire lives, couldn’t help but feel a semblance of worry with his words. Odysseus was not one to just give up so easily, especially in matters concerning his heart.

Just what was he planning?

Odysseus, for his part, did not betray a single one of his thoughts with that easy smile of his. He stood still, waiting for the commotion to cease, before once again speaking to the crowd.

Polites and Eurylochus, along with one mysterious suitor, were the only ones to notice the mischievous glint in the King’s eyes.

“However, in respect of honoring the deceased, I regret to inform you all that I can no longer discuss the matter anytime soon.”

“WHAT!?”

A chorus of angry voices were quick to make themselves known at the end of his declaration. Two or four voices quickly became 31, each one demanding to know why he couldn’t choose a new wife right then and there.

Again only one of them was silent, leaning against the side of the wall with her arms crossed. She watched the King with an intense stare.

Odysseus raised a single hand, prompting the angry voices to silence themselves.

“As I was saying…” The King’s smile dropped, replaced with an expression of stoicism. “I plan to honor and respect my wife in death as I did in life. And so, in her memory, I will carve a wooden statue in the form of the late Queen. This will be done carefully and with precision, achieved by my hands and my hands only.”

Another chorus of annoyed and angered groans sounded from the women. They all knew it was bound to take a long time before the statue was even close to completed.

Eurylochus and Polities were a mixed bag of reactions, one impressed with the cunning of his friend and the other filled to the brim with worry. They both knew Odysseus was talented in the art of carving; As a symbol of his long-standing love to Penelope, he had made her a bridal bed from the inside of a long-lasting tree. However, that was before his injury to his arm. How long would it take, to carve out a wooden statue that could rightfully honor the beauty and grace of Penelope of Ithaca, all with a bad shoulder, a kingdom to run, and a child to raise?

It was the perfect plan.

Odysseus had been scheming ever since he heard talk of his “inevitable” remarriage. The king knew he had to delay choosing a new wife, if not for his fidelity and loyalty to Penelope then for the sake of his daughter.

Who knows what would happen to her if he remarries, for what Queen would allow the daughter of her predecessor to take the throne?

No, he needed to be smart and tactical about this. He needed to use the gifts of quick-thinking and feeling calm under pressure bestowed to him by Athena. Telemachas was already 13, well on her way to 14. All he had to do was keep his suitors at bay for a few more years, until the Princess was deemed ready to be Queen. Then Telemachas would be allowed to ascend to the throne without any complaints from his adversaries.

This statue was the perfect excuse. He will spend as much time as he needed carving it, forever if he had to.

He could do this. He will find a way. For himself. For Telemachas. For Penelope.

Odysseus was so caught up in his thoughts he didn’t notice how one of his suitors was looking at him. She stared at him quietly, intensely, glaring at him from the moment he walked into the throne room.

She couldn’t look away from his body. His tanned, toned, delicious body. She noticed the way Odysseus’ chiton stuck to his waist, showing off his firm, fit figure.

When he lifted his hand to silence the crowd, the fabric of his clothing was forced to rise up; his naked body, only briefly displayed, was shown to anyone standing at a certain angle. She was the one lucky enough to stand at this angle.

She could see his torso from where she stood. She saw his v-line fade into his abdomen, some single stray beads of sweat drip down in that path. She saw a set of prominent abs, mild but still very much there, that shuddered with each breath he took. And finally, before he lowered his arm and his torso was covered once more, she was able to see his pectorals in full view. They were flat, but still round; oh, what must it feel like to take a bite of that flesh, to watch as the man underneath was fully marked and claimed?

There was no doubt about it. He was beautiful. He was perfect.

He was hers.

Based on what he just declared, accompanied by rumors circulating the palace, it appeared that he planned to make his remarriage a difficult process for his suitors.

That was fine.

She can be patient.

No matter how long it took she’d find a way to force him to accept her, even if she had to hold him down and take him by force.

After all, she was blessed by Zeus himself. Though not his child, and by definition having no divine blood, one would be forgiven for assuming differently based on her ability to look forever young despite her age. The King of Gods gave her this gift, saying he knew her to be a kindred spirit.

The point was anything and everything she ever wanted would belong to her.

Ithaca.

The Right Throne.

Odysseus.

No matter what it took, no matter what she had to do, one day all of it will bear her name.

Calypso.

#epic the musical #the odyssey #swap au #warrior!penelope #telemachus is a girl #odysseus #eurylochus #polites #calypso #penelope (mentioned)#odysseus x penelope #tw: implied future rape #canon divergent au #canon rewrite #canon compliant #my fic

71 notes · View notes

thequiver · 7 months ago

Text

So Let's Talk about Pietro and Crystal...

In this meta I am going through Pietro Maximoff's relationship with Crystalia Amaquelin. This meta is not just going to focus on their interactions with one another but also on the ways that they talk about one another and on the culture/societal structure of the Inhumans and Crystal's privilege which are both major factors in this relationship. This reading list is going to have to be in parts just due to how much there is to talk about in these issues and I want to be able to share images freely! The only edits to any panels have been to arrange them in such a way that they easily fit in a tumblr post and to condense panels from the same comic into one image. The content of any panels has been unchanged, and all panels within the same image are displayed in they order they are found within the original printed comic.

Meta below the cut! This one's a doozy.

Pietro and Crystal's first meeting and then subsequent early courtship happens entirely off page between the events of The Avengers (1963) #104 and The Fantastic Four (1961) #131-132. Within The Fantastic Four (1961) #131 we get like little flashbacks in a handful of pages telling us that this has happened and giving us vignettes into how, but it doesn't really provide us with any particular details- which means that going into Fantastic Four (1961) #131, we know about as much as Johnny Storm (The Human Torch), Crystal's boyfriend.

The Fantastic Four (1961) #131

Which is to say that we know that he's come back from a mission only to discover that his girlfriend has been getting cozy with another guy. To Johnny's credit here, he's first mad at Crystal and not at Pietro who as far as we the reader can tell, had no idea that Crystal was dating the Human Torch. Pietro however.....despite clearly realizing that he's the side-piece is still defending Crystal and it's only after his defense of Crystal's decision to be a messy cheater that Johnny decides the two men have beef.

Within #131 we learn that Crystal found Pietro following some intense injuries sustained in a battle with a Sentinel (during a period of comics in which the Maximoff twins keep miraculously losing access to their mutant abilities at the drop of a hat for plot reasons?) and had nursed him back to health and during the days she spends at his bedside helping him recover, in which Crystal apparently decides he's the one while he's unconscious as the other Inhumans (particularly Medusa) around her begin to call her out on her reasons for wanting to stay by Pietro's bedside.

Crystal and Johnny have a conversation where she begs him for more time, and he reminds her (not unfairly) that she's had years of their relationship to think it over and that "if you don't love me- and only me- by now, it's time for me to read the handwriting on the wall." I'm not saying Pietro didn't see the red flags, I'm just saying he might be colorblind.

Within this issue we also get a taste of the Inhuman practice of slavery, wherein they place "Alpha Primitives" beneath them and we get to see the beginnings of an uprising (yay!), the uprising is presented as a bad thing and we're supposed to sympathize with the slavers (boo!). Johnny is portrayed here as being pro-slavery while Pietro is significantly more sensitive to the whole reality of their being enslaved. This being said, Pietro is still upset that the Alpha Primitives have taken Crystal captive and plans to save her, calling her "the girl I love." Johnny pretty rightfully points out that it's been only a few weeks of Crystal and Pietro knowing one another and Pietro....well...by this point we know he rushes into things. Pietro and Johnny run accidentally headfirst into each other during the revolt and Crystal is only concerned about Pietro's wellbeing and almost makes a threat against Johnny, even though it was Pietro who ran into the Human Torch.

The Fantastic Four (1961) #132 ends with Crystal basically going "this massive enemy that we've been fighting is powered by our own inherent guilt over being greedy enslaving racists (a guilt which has not been shown on page at ALL)." Somehow calling this out and actually triggering guilt does not at all further power their enemy but instead leaves him as an immobile statue and a reminder of how fucking racist they are- and then the Alpha Primitives are sent back down into the caves they live in without any form of reparations: "While the Alphas, free men now, return to their nighted catacombs...their own world...dark, but theirs no less for that. One day, they'll come again into the light and take a proffered brother's hand. One day...but not today." It should be noted, that the Inhumans do absolutely NOTHING to "proffer a brother's hand" in this issue, they just walk away from the Alphas and the Alphas go into their dark caves. In fact, the only Inhuman who seems to have had any kind of fondness for the Alphas is known shit-stirrer, Maximus who is kept in a perpetual open-air prison because none of them trust him. And Maximus was the one who built the machine that's supposedly powering Omega (the big enemy) but it's implied up until Crystal's speech that it is actual physical acts of violence against the Alphas that powers Omega.

Pietro ends this first big Crystal saga, brooding and moping because Johnny Storm has friends and he doesn't (he does...sorta, they're just not with him right now) , and Crystal breaks up with Johnny. And Johnny...does a complete 180 from #131 and is like "oh yeah actually I'm not at all upset that you cheated on me and I was hoping you'd break up with me and actually I have a date with my ex girlfriend tonight." Johnny does cry when he sees Crystal with Pietro, but that's really all we get for the end of their relationship. And for whatever reason the narrative seems to wrap itself around Crystal to make her look good.

Literally one issue later in The Avengers (1963) #110- this happens:

The Avengers (1963) #110

Within this issue Steve Englehart makes the BOLD move to position Pietro as some domineering patriarch when for literally every other appearance he's had with Wanda he has never ONCE positioned himself as "the head of our family." Pietro has up until this point been firm that he and Wanda are equals and just a few issues prior had issued the statement that he would never again even jokingly refer to her as "little sister."

Then in The Avengers (1963) #127, Pietro fails to invite the Avengers to his wedding with Crystal because he's fighting with Wanda and is deemed an "arrogant, posturing fool" by the Inhumans, we're told that Gorgon has "endured a great deal from Quicksilver...for many months." There's only one problem with that, in the blink and you'll miss it Pietro appearances that happen between The Avengers (1963) #110 and the current issue- (Marvel Team-Up (1972) #11 and The Incredible Hulk (1968) #175) We have seen Pietro be nothing but helpful to the Inhumans. And we have seen his help and expertise ignored when it comes to enemies he has fought previously. We have no indications whatsoever that Pietro has been anything but loving and focused on Crystal. It should also be noted that when Gorgon finds out that Pietro didn't invite the Avengers he starts nearly destroying Avengers Tower.

At the wedding, we learn that CRYSTAL HAS INVITED HER EX-BOYFRIEND, JOHNNY STORM, TO HER AND PIETRO'S WEDDING. Johnny is very much a mature adult about things and tells Crystal that if she's happy, he's happy for her. Which is great and lovely and another tick on the box for why I'm a Johnny Storm fan BUT-

The Fantastic Four (1961) #150A-B

Crystal is about to get married and is now suddenly confused about if she's happy or not? That little vague anxiety is never resolved in this wedding arc and in Fantastic Four (1961) #150B, Pietro and Crystal are married. But even the comic is aware that readers might not be thinking this is a happy ending and have an entire panel dedicated to trying to convince you this is happy.

The Fantastic Four (1961) #150A-B

Regardless, these early Pietro/Crystal appearances offer us even more insight into the bigotry on New Attilan. At the beginning of The Avengers (1963) #127, we're told that Black Bolt (who cannot speak) has issued a number of reforms meant to create equality between ALL Inhumans. But upon our first looks at the Alphas, the former slaves of the Inhumans, we see that they're talking of genocide. The genocide mention isn't really resolved here either.

We find out in Fantastic Four (1961) #158 that Pietro marrying Crystal was not enough for him to gain acceptance among his wife's people but that he had to be made an Inhuman by special decree. And yet- Pietro is chained and is willing to die for the Inhumans. "I am an Inhuman since the day of my marriage. From that day until forever, I will live or die- an Inhuman!" This is a sharp contrast to Pietro's issues with the concept of mutant identity that have previously been expressed in: Avengers (1963) #16, Uncanny X-Men (1963) #27, Avengers (1963) #45-49, and Uncanny X-Men (1963) #43A-45A. It's safe to assume that part of Pietro's undying and unearned loyalty to the Inhumans is based around his rushed relationship with Crystal.

I've mentioned above that I don't think Pietro didn't see the red flags, but that he might be colorblind and I'm going to go a little further into that here. Pietro falls in love with Crystal because she is kind to him and nurses him back to health and he's obviously very attracted to her. Crystal falls in love with Pietro while he is unconscious and dependent on her. Even though Pietro is aware that he's essentially Crystal's side-piece in this whole relationship kerfuffle from Fantastic Four (1961) #131-132, he's emboldened by the fact that Crystal chose him. Pietro struggles with self-worth issues (we can see these manifested as well in those mutant identity issues listed above) despite his bluster and pride, and we can see some of that desire and craving to be picked, to be worthy, to be loved, come through in The Amazing Spider-Man (1963) #71. But we've also seen so far, how Pietro's loyalty and love for these people who "picked him" by virtue of their princess "falling in love" with him, is largely one-sided as the Inhumans do NOT share his sentiments.

Case in point for Pietro's feelings and attachment to Cyrstal.

The Fantastic Four (1961) #159

Pietro interacts with the Avengers again in Avengers (1963) #137 where he's informed of Wanda's marriage to Vision and is asked to return to the Avengers and leave Crystal because of that marriage. It doesn't go as planned for the Avengers and Pietro refuses. He's putting Crystal above his old friends and family, and we're seeing that he's been interacting more with Crystal's friends and family than his own since they've gotten together.

With the advent of Inhumans (1975) Pietro starts to vocally realize that maybe... just maybe...the Inhumans don't like him very much. And Crystal tries to convince him otherwise.

Inhumans (1975) #3

A few issues pass, Pietro and Crystal are held for ransom, Pietro barely talks at all, Black Bolt screams and destroys the Great Refuge- and then randomly and all of a sudden, Crystal and Pietro are placed as regents of New Attilan? But even with this regency, it's clear that the Inhumans don't like Pietro. Crystal thinks that Pietro is "beyond reason" for questioning Black Bolt and the way that the Inhumans interpret his silence as royal edict. When Pietro makes solid points about how Black Bolt doesn't talk so he can't say anything.

Inhumans (1975) #7

And then in Inhumans (1975) #12, Crystal asks Pietro why he doesn't trust their new leader, and he speaks of the man's lust for power and Crystal goes "well even if his motives suck, he's making progress." She doesn't really take the time to even think through Pietro's point of view, instead meeting him with a "hope you're wrong." Spoiler alert- Pietro was not wrong as we discover in The Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 12. And even in that issue, where Crystal is telling the FF about how Pietro was right and how valiantly he fought to ensure the safety of the Inhumans against one who only wanted power- she refers to him as "not a true Inhuman," and in the same breath refers to herself as "I, his loyal wife." And in this same issue Pietro even says, echoing Crystal's earlier wording (which he wasn't even around to hear), "I may not be a true Inhuman, but these people are now my family and no one gets away with killing them." He's continuing to position the Inhumans and particularly the Inhuman royal family as his family, while they continue to keep a distance between them, with his wife referring to him as not a true Inhuman, and others making it clear that he is merely tolerated due to his marriage to Crystal.

Crystal isn't completely without merit here though, her words definitely shine light on one part of her thoughts on her husband, but she also shows extreme care for him and prioritizes finding him over the rest of her family when he's captured in The Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 12. This does however fall into her growing pattern of caring for Pietro more when he's dependent on her than when he's able to make his own choices.

And then, at the end of The Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 12, we see Crystal grab Johnny Storm's face, look like she's about to kiss him (while giving him "fuck me" eyes), and tell him that she's never going to stop loving him. Pietro sees them, and Johnny is clearly uncomfortable with Crystal's actions (as he has been this entire issue), and he and Pietro make "peace" despite neither of them being the issue here when Pietro basically tells him that he's okay because he's a friend of Crystal's and hopefully a friend of his too.

The Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 12

With the dawn of Korvac Saga, we get further confirmation that Pietro is deeply, deeply committed to Crystal. We start The Avengers (1963) #170 with Pietro gazing over New Attilan in a way that's recognized as sad, and then the following exchange happens:

The Avengers (1963) #170

Crystal makes a really great observation about how Pietro's marriage to her has tied him down and changed his life dramatically since his days as an Avenger, but Pietro refutes her concerns saying that what matters to him is that he has her, that he can support her in her place among her people, and is about to say that he'd never leave her when he's teleported elsewhere by agents unknown (at this point in the story at least ;)). This is literally the healthiest their relationship has been to date.

At some point after the Korvac Saga, Pietro rejoins the Avengers, sort of- he's an Avenger again for like a single issue, the whole rejoining thing happens off page, and then come Avengers (1963) #181, he's been kicked off the team and then passes out. In reality we find out that Pietro's soul has been stolen by Django Maximoff who has imprisoned his and Wanda's souls in wooden puppets of themselves. Pietro and Wanda go on a soul-searching journey with Django to discover the truth about their childhoods, learn more about their parentage and then return to Attilan.

It's on Attilan in The Avengers (1963) #188, that Pietro finds out he is going to be a father.

The Avengers (1963) #188

Following the pregnancy announcement, in Marvel Two-in-One (1974) #71, is the first time we see an Inhuman who isn't Crystal be spontaneously kind/nice to Pietro when Gorgon and Karnak invite Pietro to play a game with them. Crystal is also heavily pregnant in this comic so it's safe to assume that some time has passed and that as the pregnancy has continued the Inhumans have warmed some to Pietro's presence among them. With the importance we've seen them place on blood ties and Inhuman genetics in particular, this makes a lot of sense as Pietro is now not just married-in to the family, but is the father of the new member of the royal family.

The next time we see Pietro and Crystal is during Fantastic Four (1961) #239-240, where Pietro has become the sole defender of Attilan in a time of war when all of the Inhumans have come down with a mystery illness. During this time, Pietro continues to be extremely devoted to Crystal and deeply concerned about her health and the safety of their unborn child.

The Fantastic Four (1961) #239

During this great conflict when it seems to be resolved in Fantastic Four (1961) #240, we get another glimpse into the racism in Attilan. The Inhumans freeing those they formerly enslaved is described here as a "mistake," a "failure," and a "noble experiment." The Alphas are still inherently described as being "mindless drones" and as "less-than-human."

The Fantastic Four (1961) #240

It is into this continued dehumanization of the non-Inhuman on Attilan that Luna Maximoff is born. And Luna, is fundamentally not Inhuman nor Mutant at the time of her birth. But for now, Pietro is just concerned with his wife and daughter's health. He looks like the Grinch, but he's happy and that's what matters.

The Fantastic Four (1961) #240

Pietro's bond with Wanda has been repaired and his anger against Vision for existing has dissipated by the events of Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1982) #4, where Pietro encourages Vision to hold his daughter. We get a really great moment of seeing that Crystal and Wanda have started to form a friendship and that Pietro's two families (the one with his sister, and the one with his wife) are becoming closer.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1982) #4

But this is where things start to get a little dicey. Magneto, having recently discovered that he is the father of Pietro and Wanda, has now sought them out on Attilan (now moved to the moon) and is determined to try to once again get his children to join his Brotherhood of Evil Mutants (he's not picking up on the message they keep putting down smh). And throughout this fight, Wanda, Pietro, and Erik all make it clear that Erik has severely mistreated his children and that still, knowing he is their father, he is willing to harm and even kill them. Crystal is there- she is witness to this.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1982) #4

And what does Crystal do? But let Magneto hold the baby, before Magneto has even revealed himself to be Pietro's father.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1982) #4

Within the pages of Vision and the Scarlet Witch we don't really get to see Pietro's whole reaction to this incredibly traumatizing series of events, but never fear, Wanda recounts more of the story in Avengers (1963) #234 (TW- G slur).

Avengers (1963) #234

Again, all of this is happening in front of Crystal. There is absolutely no way she gets out of this conversation without the knowledge that Pietro and Wanda have been horribly abused by their father and that Pietro is on some level afraid of turning into Magneto and is aware of the temper he shares with the older man and has been actively combating it. It would be reasonable to think that Pietro might need time to process this information.

When we next see Pietro and Crystal it is during a battle on Attilan against the Avengers in Avengers (1963) # Annual 12, inspired by Maximus. Maximus is spared, as always, because Black Bolt loves him too much to actually do anything about the consistent and ever present threat the man poses to the safety and security of their people. (This is a surprise tool that will come back to bite them in the ass). And once again, this issue presents the Alphas as Maximus' allies, continuing to have the formerly enslaved be shown as enemies of the "good" Inhumans.

Pietro and Crystal's relationship goes from bad to worse in The Thing (1983) #3. In this comic, Pietro wishes to partake of his right as an Inhuman father and in the fashion of the Inhumans, his adopted people, expose Luna to the Terrigan mists to spark forth her Inhuman abilities- Crystal does not agree. Crystal brings in Ben Grimm (The Thing) to stop Pietro from following her people's customs in regard to their child, and sends her dog, Lockjaw (who is technically an Inhuman himself but that's never really explored?) to teleport the baby away from Pietro. Crystal's reasoning for not wanting to expose Luna to the mists? She's afraid her daughter will become ugly.

No seriously, that's the reason. Pietro is worried about his daughter's life as one who is both mutant and Inhuman, what her humanity will bring her among her two super-powered peoples. Crystal is worried about her looks. Pietro acquiesces to his wife's wishes following the testimony of their dog/friend(?) and Ben Grimm and is thoroughly painted in the wrong for wanting to raise his daughter as an Inhuman among Inhumans. At least the rest of the royal family was on his side this time?

Anyway, let's remember that Lockjaw is a person and has been a person this whole time and then think back on how Crystal has treated him. Based on Ben and Pietro's reactions to Lockjaw speaking it's also pretty clear that nobody who isn't an Inhuman was aware that Lockjaw was a person and not a dog......anyway....

The Thing (1983) #3

We get a completely different idea of Pietro's feelings towards the Inhumans in Marvel Fanfare (1982) #14B than what we've seen previously. In this issue, Pietro is openly critical of the bread and circus approach the Inhumans take with their ruling, and in a shocking turn of events from the last 20+ issues, explicitly says "I'm no Inhuman, and I give no obeisance to Black Bolt...or to your foolish traditions." Pietro is accused of stealing a royal scepter because he made a comment about not being a monarchist (based) and is lured into a trap by someone he thought was his friend who he has had to twice this issue turn down a proposition for sex from.

Marvel Fanfare (1982) #14B* *editorial says this issue takes place before Attilan is moved to the moon, however, Luna's birth occurred after the fateful move and she was named for the move which puts the actual chronology of this issue in question, but I'm keeping it here for an easy publication order chronology

We get a clear image, even clearer than it's been in the past that the Inhumans hate Pietro for...not being an Inhuman.

Do we all remember when Crystal literally brought in people who aren't even related to her child to stop Pietro from exposing Luna to the Terrigan mists because she might turn ugly? We all remember this? Okay great- because she's now adopted Pietro's anxieties in Avengers (1963) #243.

The Avengers (1963) #243

And though Crystal apparently doesn't trust Pietro's parenting choices she's come around to his same anxieties about Luna's human-ness. Pietro tries to support her and then she goes "well none of us have experience with a human baby, what if we just.... didn't deal with that and hired a nanny." And Pietro goes along with it, trying to track down Bova, his minotaur-esque nursemaid from his own childhood who he's only just learned about and has met but once.

We see Crystal and Pietro together again during the wedding of Black Bolt and Medusa, in Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 18. Where we see Pietro brooding over the wedding festivities. Here we learn that Pietro was given no role in his sister-in-law's wedding and that he is still continuously feeling like an outsider, despite all of the efforts we've seen him take in past appearances to be as much of an Inhuman as possible he is still kept at arms length even by these he considers family. Even Reed Richards (Mr. Fantastic) wonders at the differences between Pietro and Crystal's wedding and the wedding of Black Bolt and Medusa- and Reed wonders if the difference can't be attributed to the fact that Crystal chose to marry someone who was not an Inhuman. And it's a fair question. Pietro even asks Crystal if it's okay that he and their daughter stand beside her during the wedding.

The Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 18

In Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #5, we see that Pietro has decided to introduce human traditions to the Inhumans with trick or treat, and that he plans to take Luna on her rounds, Crystal along with them of course.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #5

Then in Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #6 (that fateful Thanksgiving with the surprise Magneto appearance), we begin to see some strife between husband and wife. According to Crystal, she is "used to being alone." (She is literally a princess in a close-knit family who didn't even stop dating Johnny Storm to start dating her now-husband). And she adds that.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #6

The militia, being something Pietro had discussed with Wanda briefly in #5, is a new responsibility of his entrusted to him by the Inhumans. He is now responsible for training a militia intended for the protection of Attilan. It's the first real job he's had since getting with Crystal and the moment he has responsibilities and focuses outside of her, she's not happy. Also yes, Luna does look like a Renaissance baby in this panel.

A month later, in Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #7, we discover that Crystal, who started her relationship with Pietro by cheating on her then-boyfriend, is now cheating on her current husband.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #7

Now, I've shown you all the lead-up there is to her cheating. I've covered all of the Pietro and Crystal interactions, and touched base with every major Crystal appearance leading up to this. There isn't any rhyme or reason to this aside from, Pietro has a job and he's doing it. And beyond this, as we move into #8, we learn that Crystal is planning on spending more time on Earth, and from Pietro's perspective it's to spend time with Wanda, but really it's to cheat on him. Once again, the militia (Pietro's job) is very much cited as the reason for this.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #8

While Pietro runs off with Wanda, Vision, and Luke Cage to make sure that Wanda is safe for the duration of her pregnancy (it's a demon thing, Scarlet Witch stuff y'know?), we discover that Crystal is taking this opportunity to cheat on her husband again.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #8

Crystal's affair goes on for MONTHS, and even her boyfriend is more worried about what all this is doing to Pietro than she is. She overdoses on anti-pollution potion in order to continue to see her boyfriend, and Pietro spends the vast majority of his time at her bedside frantically trying to get someone to wake her up in deep concern for her wellbeing.

In #10, Crystal calls out her boyfriend's name in her sleep, confessing to the affair, and Pietro tries to kill him. He's stopped by Vision and the Inhumans, and then tries to rally his militia against Norm the real estate agent, the man who has stolen his wife's affections. Wanda confronts Norm and he gives her a sad speech about how Pietro is "neglectful" of his wife's needs and ends it with "I'm not making excuses for deceiving you, but you like your brother better than a lot of people do." Essentially saying "It's okay that she cheated on Pietro, because he's Pietro." Wanda then talks to Crystal's spirit and Crystal says "I cheated on Pietro! I'd do it again!"

Pietro and Vision talk and Pietro comments on how Crystal doesn't allow him to pursue any of his own interests, which tracks with what we've seen that now that Pietro is spending time with the militia she's determined him neglectful and is using it as justification to cheat on him. Throughout all of this too, the Inhumans confirm to Pietro that they think lesser of him because he isn't one of them.

Pietro decides that he can't take Crystal back after this betrayal of his trust (fair and reasonable) to which Crystal calls him a "self-righteous pig" and even Wanda insists that he must take her back because he loves her. And in issue #11, Vision claims that Pietro has "run out on his wife" and Wanda thinks poorly of him for establishing a boundary of not wanting to be around a woman who cheated on him. Meanwhile, Pietro is having a mental breakdown about the fact that nobody actually loves him and that the loyalty he shows to others is not reciprocated.

Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #11

And rounding us out in #12, Crystal tells Norm that she wants to keep seeing him and celebrates the fact that if Pietro stays away for a bit longer she'll be granted a divorce.

Here ends part 1 of the meta (stopping close to image limit at a good rest point) and I'll reblog this post with even more commentary at a later date!

Reading List so far:

The Fantastic Four (1961) #131-132 The Avengers (1963) #110 The Incredible Hulk (1968) #175 The Avengers (1963) #127 The Fantastic Four (1961) #150A-B <- Wedding Issue The Fantastic Four (1961) #158-159 The Avengers (1963) #137 Inhumans (1975) #3, 7, 12 The Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 12 Avengers (1963) #170, 188 The Fantastic Four (1961) #239-240 Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1982) #2, 4 The Avengers (1963) #234, Annual 12 The Thing (1983) #3 Marvel Fanfare (1982) #14B Avengers (1963) #243 The Fantastic Four (1961) # Annual 18 Vision and the Scarlet Witch (1985) #5-12

#pietro maximoff #quicksilver #magnet family #wanda maximoff #scarlet witch #the inhumans #inhumans #crystalia amaquelin #crystal amaquelin #crystal #comic meta

89 notes · View notes

therosefrontier · 9 months ago

Text

TWST Family Lore: Heartslabyul Part 1

As a fanfic writer, the family question has been coming up a lot for me with these guys, especially with me wanting to potentially actually write these unseen family members that get mentions thrown out there, so I started collecting information, and then, I thought I'd make a post about it! This first part is just Heartslabyul, about their family members and what we know about them (that I could find, anyways), plus some of my thoughts/guesses. This very well might not be exhaustive, but maybe if I see something more I'll add on!

That said! Spoiler warning! I am including info from various vignettes, card voicelines, and events, including JP server only cards, but I will try to avoid too many specific JP event story spoilers (which in this post is pretty much just a lot of White Rabbit). I include main story stuff from book 1 and also the first part of book 7 (which is out in EN), but nothing from the rest of book 7 which is out in JP. Which probably doesn't have anything Hearts-related anyways (I do not know)? I might be waiting for the rest of book 7 to come out before posting a Diasomnia edition to this, though...

So anyways! Let's get to it!

ACE TRAPPOLA

He has an older brother (seven years older than him, as mentioned in his school uniform vignette), whom he seems to be fairly close with. We also have mention of his dad, but so far, as far as I can tell, there is mention of no one else. He does mention his parents in the plural once: in his ceremonial robes voicelines, he says that "I think my brother was happier than my parents when we found out I made it into this school." We also know that his brother was a student at NRC himself and was also in Heartslabyul, which may very well be one reason for his enthusiasm at his little brother getting into the same school. At the freshmen orientation ceremony, Ace shows no surprise to getting chosen for Heartslabyul, assuming that he'd end up in the same place as his brother (Ace robes vignette).

But first, Ace's dad! He gets mentioned in his birthday boy vignette. He is not a mage (implying that, perhaps, Ace and his brother get their magic from their mom's side? As it does appear to be a genetic thing of some sort according to some mentions, but also, it can skip generations, as is seen with Epel), but he is really good at old-fashioned magic of the sleight-of-hand variety. When asked what got Ace into sleight of hand by Yuu for the birthday interview, he says it'd be his dad, who was "ridiculously good" at it.

(image credit: Songstress Studios)

Ace goes on to say that he learned the "nuts and bolts" of it from his brother, whom he believes was also inspired by their dad, and he also says that whenever he visits home, he and his brother will show off to each other and challenge each other to spot the trick!

Ace also talks about his brother in relation to learning tricks in his dorm uniform vignette. He shows sleight of hand tricks to his dormmates, and when Riddle shows surprise and awe over the 'pick a card' trick he's definitely never seen before, Ace says that he reacted in pretty much the same way when his brother first showed it to him. When asked about his brother, Ace says that he "started playing around with cards for funsies" while he was a student, and Ace later learned from him, but not directly. He never gave away the secret, but Ace learned by watching him. (And he learned well, too! Ace has been shown to be very good at this, also coming up notably in the Fairy Gala IF event, for instance).

(image credit: RedAngel)

Earlier, Cater had asked Ace to show him the secret, and Ace made a deal with him for it since he'd never do it for free, and after hearing Ace's story, Cater guesses that Ace's mentality of never giving away anything for free could have come from his brother.

It also seems that Ace's brother was absolutely the type to tease him. In his birthday boy vignette, Ace tells a story of how on his birthday, his brother gave him a box with a fancy watch inside, which got Ace all excited, but then he clarifies that the watch was *his* watch, not Ace's. Ace's gift was the box. His brother afterwards fills the box with candy, but Ace was not amused.

And in other notes:

He is bad at cooking, according to Ace, who says he "doesn't know a cake from a steak" (school uniform vignette).

He taught Ace how to "kill time in the dorms" (school uniform vignette).

He took a theme park management internship in his fourth year at NRC, and he's continued to work there after graduation (Book 7, Chapter 4).

(Also, this thing about the theme park might be a reference, maybe?? In the Tokyo DisneySea park, there was this "villain recruiters" show that ran from 2015 to 2018, featuring original minions of various Disney villains who would make a pitch to invite guests to join the "Villains' World," and there was a Queen of Hearts card soldier character named Jack Heart, whose costume design does resemble Heartslabyul's! And he does the heart thing with his hands like Ace does in his official art! So, might have been inspiration? Anyways, this tumblr post by ceeyuin666 has a nice summary of it so there).

Anyhow, back on track and back to the school uniform vignette, Ace mentions how before he came to NRC, his brother would "take him about everywhere," which does seem to imply they spent a lot of time together, and he also seems to have been a big influence on Ace. For better or worse :). In this vignette, Ace does a favor for Trey in exchange for a slice of cherry tart, when tips for the history test were what he really wanted, a second motive Trey totally expected, and when asked if he was lying about loving cherries so much, Ace said that he wasn't: his brother told him "the most convincing lies are sprinkled with a dash of truth." Knowing Ace, Trey is not surprised.

(anyways I really want to meet this guy so please Ace hometown event please!!)

DEUCE SPADE

(translation credit to Ekala on Youtube!)

He has no siblings and was raised by his single mother, whom we have actually met! In the JP server, anyways! She shows up in Deuce's hometown event, the White Rabbit Festival. So, we have a name! Meet Dilla Spade (or Dilah? Dira? Deela?)! Romanization isn't clear yet; I'll just say "Dilla" for now. Also, we find out she's a delivery truck driver for the thematically-named White Rabbit Delivery company.

Deuce is shown to have been very close to his mom growing up, noticeable enough to the point that his old middle school friends teased him for it and called him "childish" (starsending vignette). We find early on that this is an important part to his story—when Deuce was in middle school, he was acting like a delinquent: skipping school, disrespecting teachers, being reckless and getting into fights. Then, one night, he overheard his mom talking to his grandma (only mention of his grandma that I know of, but, noted that she's in the picture too!), and he could tell that she was crying. She was feeling like a failure of a mother, and said that "maybe she never should have tried to raise him herself." Deuce, however, doesn't blame her at all. Seeing her like that really shook him up, and he resolved to "never do anything to make her cry" again. This is his motivation for wanting to be an honor student; he wants to be the opposite of what he was before and prove himself. He wants to be "someone she can be proud of."

As far as I know, we don't have any mention of Deuce's father or what happened to him. From context and with what his mom said on the phone that day, she might have been a single parent from the start, with the father never being in the picture.

Deuce, in talking to Silver during Silver's Wish in the Starsending event upon Silver mentioning his father in his wish, talks about his mom and how she raised him as a single parent, saying "I know she's had her share of hard times... So I just want her to be happy now. I'd love for her to live a long life." In chapter 10 of the event, Deuce wishes to be a police officer, specifically a magic marshal, which is a hard job to get, saying that he is "sure my mom will worry a lot less if I get a respectable job." He also talks about this in his event vignette! He reveals that upon getting a bad reputation at home, people stopped trusting him, and they'd accuse him of things he didn't do, but if he said he didn't do it, there were always two people who believed him: his mom and the neighborhood police officer. The officer would always come by to talk to him and hear him out, and both he and his mom were very grateful for that. Deuce says that if he could be like that, maybe his mother wouldn't worry so much, so he decided that he wanted to be a police officer.

At the end of the event, in chapter 12, Dilla calls Deuce in excitement over the falling stars in the sky. In response to Deuce saying that yes he saw it, because he's a Stargazer, his mom replies that "Night Raven College couldn't have asked for a finer Stargazer than you." And she says she's proud of him and it's really sweet :)

And then he starts crying happy tears :)

Anyways! Deuce's character arc can be a whole essay in itself, so back to his mom! Some of the stories we got include:

"Battlefield" Sales Shopping. Dilla would bring Deuce with her when shopping limited-time sales, which she seemed to seek out actively. Deuce recounts spending "forever" thumbing through pamphlets looking for sales, and Dilla would then coax him into coming with her, saying things like "Deuce is so strong, and can carry a lot." Deuce remembers getting shoved around a lot by the other customers, and so, he takes his sales quite seriously today (school uniform vignette, new year's vignette).

Spring cleaning! Or, winter cleaning? Dilla and Deuce would go on a cleaning frenzy after the holidays and before the new year, because “if the house is clean, we’ll feel renewed too” (new year’s voicelines)

In his apprentice chef vignette, Deuce recalls how recently, his mom got sick with a cold but didn't tell him until she was better. This made Deuce sad, because he wished she would depend on him a little more when she was struggling, so he was motivated to learn to cook so he could be more dependable.

Also in his apprentice chef vignette, Deuce says that he did help his mom "a little" with cooking back home and knew how to dice vegetables, and the ghost chef was impressed by his skills! So she seems to have taught him well.

In her own words she claims that she is not very good at cooking, but she does know a lot of egg dishes, because Deuce likes them (White Rabbit, 2-4)

She would bring Deuce to the office sometimes, so her coworkers know him (White Rabbit, 3-10). In the event, they were a little nervous around him at first but then were surprised to find how different his behavior was now compared to middle school, and they complimented him on getting into NRC.

She made Deuce a bunny outfit for the White Rabbit Festival long ago, saying that Deuce was complaining over not having anything special to wear, and she didn't have the money to make or buy an outfit, but she asked her coworkers for some spare fluff and made it work. She looks back on this fondly, saying she was just happy to see Deuce having fun at the festival. (chapter 6)

She is great with cars, but terrible with electronics (White Rabbit Festival, birthday boy vignette). Deuce has to show her how to do stuff and recounts “fixing” home devices by simply changing the batteries, and he is the one to set up appliances at home, as she refuses to read instruction manuals. She only uses her smartphone for calls and pictures. Dilla calls cars "trusted partners" but says that electronics are too “self-important” (White Rabbit, Chapter 2-6).

In this scene, Dilla also praises Deuce in front of his friends for "fixing" so many electronic things around the house, which embarrasses Deuce as he does not think it was that big of a deal. She also mentions embarrassing stories like she knows full well what she's doing, teasing in a very affectionate kind of way.

I do wonder if Dilla dragging Deuce onto shopping trips all the time was in part her way of finding ways to spend time with him. She really seems to care about him a lot, and quality time is something that means a lot to her, but perhaps she also struggles with connecting and really getting through to him. In White Rabbit, she mentions sadly how she used to take Deuce to the festival every year, but then he lost interest. Deuce sees this as normal, but it seems there were some growing pains there.

Also on another note which I honestly just find funny, there is a point in White Rabbit where Dilla is worried about Deuce having gotten hurt, and he says it's fine because he's "used to it," and she's just like...I don't how I feel about this but I support you! (sorry Dilla, your son's a budding shounen protagonist and his school's a disaster magnet. He's going to get so used to this haha)

One more thing we really get to see from the event, Dilla definitely seems to have nerves of steel, too. Not revealing too much about what happens, she doesn't back down from this gang that is harassing her festival stall that her coworkers are terrified of, and then joins in with the idea to challenge them without hesitation. Deuce seems to allude to this when introducing Epel, saying that he thinks they'd get along because Epel has "grit and iron courage," as if he sees his mom the same way.

Going back to Deuce's story at the beginning...I feel like this is pretty significant, too. The impression I get from all of this is that she's scrappy and resourceful, strong-willed and vigorous, someone who'll keep an easy sense of humor and a smile in the face of a challenge... but also, she's someone who will bend over backwards to hide her struggles, such as when she hid her being sick with a cold from Deuce. Which is to say, she doesn't seem like the type to be brought to tears easily. This being just speculation on my part, but what if, that day Deuce overheard her on the phone, that was the first time Deuce really saw her break down like that? His mom, the strongest person he knows, the one always keeping up a smile? Although, in the background, she probably hid so many of the struggles she did have? Just saying, it'd have a lot of impact, I'd think...realizing the turmoil he put her through to get her like that...

But that said, I think it's important to note that she cares about him a lot, and she is proud of Deuce and who he's become, and I don't think that hinges at all on him becoming an honors student. Deuce struggles to try to make himself more reliable, but Dilla says as much in White Rabbit: he doesn't have to "go overboard." It doesn't have to be complicated. She just wants him to live life and be happy, simple as that. And also he could come home every once in a while, too :)

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst lore #twst family lore #ace trappola #deuce spade #anyways I am very invested in all of these people now #deuce's relationship with his mom giving me so many feelings #it's so sweet #and I'm also sobbing for them both :')#maybe one of these days I will write that Deuce essay #on top of all the other things I want to write #anyhow in other news I'm serious about wanting to meet Ace's brother #he sounds like such a gremlin #I love him already XD

55 notes · View notes

emotionallychargedtowel · 1 year ago

Text

The psychological paradoxes of Utsukushii Kare, part 1: Covert grandiosity and finding status through idealization

I’ve had some thoughts about Utsukushii Kare bouncing around in my head since the end of season 2. I started to post about them back then but my first attempts stalled out. Maybe the ideas involved were too complex, or I just needed to let them marinate a bit longer. I tried to give up on getting them on “paper,” but they just wouldn’t leave me alone. Eventually I returned to them and everything clicked. This is part one of my attempt to get those ideas down. After a ridiculous amount of tinkering, it seems like the right time to let it see the light of day. Subsequent posts are in different stages of readiness as well.

I wouldn’t have finished this without copious encouragement and feedback from @lurkingshan and specific edits from @wen-kexing-apologist. A kind comment from @nieves-de-sugui was a shot in the arm. And I’m always indebted to @porridgefeast for support, encouragement, and cute animal content.

I’ve written a lot about this series in the past; refer to my Utsukare master post for a continuously updated list. This includes some related posts on pursuer/distancer dynamics and attachment style in the series that have some overlap with what I’m discussing here, but this post should also stand on its own quite well.

A few things to note at the outset:

My focus here is on the series (both seasons), but I will refer to the movie, the novel, and a couple of vignettes when they illustrate points that are consistent with and relevant to the series.

My approach in this series of posts involves viewing fictional characters the way I would if they were real people--a bit like if I were to do a case conceptualization of a potential client. This isn’t always the approach I use, or the best one, but I thought it was a good fit for what I wanted to discuss here.

Quotes will be cited, but general information on sources will be given at the end of the post.

Now, to get down to business.

* * * * * * *

I’ve seen a lot of commentary from other Utsukare fans about Hira and Kiyoi and how much their self-worth–and the lack thereof–impacts their relationship. It’s a clear theme and lots of folks have had salient insights about it. But one thing I haven’t seen in any of the posts I’ve read is a full acknowledgement of the duality at play there–the way that both characters sometimes believe, or at least fear, that they’re irredeemably awful and at the same time believe, or perhaps hope, that they are better than everyone else.

I’m sure someone reading this is thinking, “Kiyoi is like that, sure. But Hira? Thinking he’s superior? Come on.” I get that it isn’t always apparent. In a genre that loves to portray profoundly smitten, devoted characters, Hira stands out as intensely, even excessively, whipped. But yes, Hira totally sees himself as superior to others in some important ways. Even before Noguchi Hiromi took his inventory about this so mercilessly, there were plenty of other signs.

covert grandiosity and idealization

Our introduction to Hira is his description of the “pyramid” social structure he experiences at school and how he’s at the lowest level of that pyramid (invisible at best, a visible target at worst). At first glance, this seems self-deprecating. But Hira is just describing where he falls in the structure, not endorsing the structure or his place in it. This sets up an important distinction that comes up continually in Hira’s thinking. Sometimes he really thinks badly of himself. But other times, he’s reporting how, in his view at least, others think of him. Sometimes he’s resigned to the ways others see him, but other times, he rebels against them. He doesn’t always make it clear which of these things he’s doing at a given time, but if you know what to look for it starts to be easier to pick out.

Mind you, it’s still very clear that there are ways in which Hira does view himself extremely negatively. His belief that he’s unworthy of Kiyoi is particularly strong. It inspires a lot of demeaning metaphors about himself, like calling himself a “pebble.” His belief in his unworthiness is linked to the belief that Kiyoi can’t possibly return his feelings or that if he does, it’s a bizarre miracle that can’t possibly last over the long term. The most remarkable thing about this belief is its incredible persistence, even in the face of example after example of evidence that Kiyoi loves and values him too and wants them to stay together. But denigrating himself in this context has a different meaning from what it would in others, as I'll get into in more detail shortly.

It’s a pretty universal human tendency to pay more attention to information that confirms our biases than information that challenges them. We’re also hard-wired to be more attentive to perceived threats (including threats to our sense of self-worth) than we are to less threatening things (and ideas). Both of these tendencies contribute to the fact that most of us fail to notice when our negative beliefs are being disproven.

I’ll be discussing this in more depth in part 2, but for now, I’ll just say that resistance to disproving a negative belief is very normal, but Hira’s stubbornness is way beyond what’s typical. He continually misinterprets or simply ignores clear signs of Kiyoi’s interest in and regard for him. I mean, most of us, no matter how poor our self-esteem is, no matter how jaded and pessimistic we are, would, if kissed by someone we’re in love with, at least entertain the possibility that they might like us a little bit. Not only does Hira not consider this possibility, he comes up with the rather bizarre interpretation that the graduation day kiss was Kiyoi’s way of telling him to leave him alone.

So, why would anyone be as stubbornly negative on this point as Hira is? Part of it is the strength of his negative beliefs and the degree of his bias. But there’s another reason as well, one I’m going to circle back to in a moment.

First, let’s look at Noguchi’s assessment of Hira in season 2, episode 4, which is very pertinent here. Talking about Hira’s submission to the Young Photographica contest, Noguchi says:

It was such a childish photo. You should've just chosen an empty place rather than erasing people. Going out of your way to [erase] people made it very clear that you hate this world. What I felt from your photo was tremendous selfishness and disgust. You haven't succeeded at all, but you think you're amazing. But instead of showing it outright, you make a shell by belittling yourself. You look down on this world with youth, stupidity, and ambiguity….You're just like the old me.

(dialogue from Viki subtitles)

It’s a little bit of a stretch, I think, to suggest that Noguchi can really tell all of this just by looking at a single photo (or even Hira’s entire portfolio). I think this partly happens just for the convenience of the story. But if I had to justify it, I’d say Noguchi has this much insight because, as he says, he used to be like Hira, making this a “takes one to know one” situation.

Hira confirms that Noguchi is correct here. “It’s like he sees right through me,” he thinks. So how do we reconcile this with Hira’s apparent negative self-image? Well, first off, it’s not unusual at all for very negative and excessively positive beliefs about the self to coexist in the same person. Take narcissism for example. People tend to think of narcissists as grandiose, thinking they’re amazing and special to a degree that’s clearly distorted. And that is one of the key symptoms of narcissism. But it’s also typical for narcissists to believe that if they aren’t remarkably special, they’re totally worthless. They have a hard time sitting with moderate (hence realistic) beliefs about themselves.

This kind of narcissistic tendency is really strong in people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but it’s present in a milder version in a lot of people (I suspect it’s present in most people, to some extent and under certain circumstances). Narcissistic personality traits are supposed to be linked to getting stuck at a developmental stage that ideally gets worked through during childhood. But a lot of us have at least a little bit of unfinished business from that period. I think Hira has a ton of unresolved stuff in this area. I definitely don’t think he would meet criteria for NPD. But I think that when he was in that developmental stage, he came up with some maladaptive strategies that helped him to get through it. As a result, he didn’t get stuck in the full-blown grandiose version of NPD, but he did get stuck with those maladaptive strategies, and they became a part of his personality instead. And he did retain 1) some of that highly polarized idea of self-worth (“I’m either the best ever or complete garbage”) and 2) some degree of belief in his superiority to others, no matter how shameful he finds it or how carefully he conceals it.

It’s also worth noting here that adolescents aren’t typically supposed to be diagnosed with personality disorders and even diagnosing young adults is often discouraged. This is because adolescence and early adulthood are times of intense change and development and the natural process of maturing can cause personality disorder symptoms to resolve even without mental health treatment. So that’s yet another reason to be wary of labeling Hira with any such diagnosis. This points to a major theme of the show, which is the fact that the central characters are works in progress. They aren’t fully formed adults yet, and that gives them a chance to improve themselves before they become set in their ways.

Getting back to Noguchi’s points: Hira is pretty misanthropic, although it’s often shown in pretty subtle ways in the show. This aspect of Hira is more noticeable in the novel. For one thing, the novel establishes early on that the erasing-people-from-photos thing isn’t some new or isolated phenomenon. Rather, the main thing Hira does with his camera at the beginning of the story is to intentionally take photos of populated areas and then carefully photoshop out all of the people. And it’s explicitly because he dislikes, even hates, most of humanity. This tendency still comes through in the series. Sometimes it’s obvious–remember those mass shooting fantasies?--and other times, it’s more subtle. We know that this aspect of the character is definitely still present in the series version of Hira since he confirms what Noguchi says about how his photo shows “selfishness and disgust.” He really is disgusted by many of the people around him.

making a shell - perfectionism and covert grandiosity

What about the part of Noguchi’s spiel where he says that Hira “make[s] a shell by belittling [himself]?” It took me some thinking to realize what (in my view) he meant by that.

This actually syncs up really well with something Noguchi says about Hira in Utsukushii Kare: Eternal. It’s illuminating enough that I’m making an exception here to confining myself to the time period of the series.

In this scene, Kiyoi is scheduled to be photographed by Noguchi on a day that Hira isn’t present at his studio. He asks about Hira and he and Noguchi talk about him briefly. Hearing that Kiyoi was Hira’s high school classmate, Noguchi talks about how weird and confining high school is, a terrible “environment for growth.” He says that doesn’t apply to Hira, though, because he’s “a king in sheep’s clothing.” This catches Kiyoi’s attention. “I was just thinking that you understand him really well,” he tells Noguchi. “I do,” Noguchi replies. “Although he looks timid and weak, he’s actually really strong.”

As Noguchi continues, his comments become more metaphorical and get harder to understand. (I suspect that the metaphors he uses might be idiomatic or otherwise intelligible to a Japanese audience in a way that’s difficult to get across in translation.) The gist is that he sees Hira as “strong-minded,” but that “in his heart” he has a kind of “sanctuary” that he protects from others, and that this could end up either holding Hira back or being something he can use to get somewhere in life. I’m not sure what to make of the sanctuary part, but it’s clear that Noguchi understands that Hira has thoughts and emotions that he doesn’t share with anyone, and that his image as a “sheep” who is “timid and weak” masks an unseen strength and determination, along with a more king-like attitude toward the world than he typically shows to others.

Time for a quick psychological theory sidebar, this time on perfectionism.

Some researchers who study perfectionism have identified a type they call “narcissistic perfectionism.” Narcissistic perfectionists think that they are, or need to be, perfect, and they expect others to be the same way, thinking about them in highly negative ways if they don’t measure up. If you read about this idea, most of the examples given to illustrate it are people who have achieved a lot in their lives, who can point to big accomplishments. But perfectionism doesn’t always result in achievements. Sometimes it keeps people stuck in a mindset that anything but perfection is pointless, making them reluctant to really try to do anything at all. If you’re a perfectionist who has a need to believe you’re special, that you would achieve big things if you tried, actually trying means taking a risk that you’ll find out that when you try, the results aren’t actually perfect and amazing.

According to narcissistic thinking, this would mean that you’re worthless, because the options are either being the best or being complete garbage. Again, I think it’s an overstatement and an oversimplification to call Hira a narcissist, but he has unresolved self-worth baggage that takes a somewhat narcissistic shape. In this way, he shows a kind of perfectionism that seems clearly underpinned by his self-worth issues. Instead of fueling achievements, this perfectionism keeps him stuck, inactive, too afraid to attempt what he thinks he might be able to do while clinging to a fantasy of what he could do if he ever got un-stuck and really tried.

That’s usually a secret. Remember when Hira didn’t make it through the first cut of the contest? He thought, “Even though I always deny it out loud, I did think photography was the one thing I can do. It felt like I was being ripped apart for being conceited" (dialogue from a fansub by @lollipopsub). The fact that he would "deny it out loud" is notable. I also think that he’s still not being entirely candid. If he thought “photography was the one thing [he] can do,” that wouldn’t exactly be “conceited”--it would actually be quite modest (about photography) and harshly self-critical (about everything else). I think deep down he has thoughts that are truly conceited, thoughts that he’s not just competent when it comes to photography, but “amazing,” as Noguchi puts it. Once again, Hira confirms everything Noguchi said with his “he sees right through me” reaction, so he agrees with this assessment.

This conceited side of Hira is never supposed to see the light of day. This is the main reason he’s so intensely embarrassed when Noguchi understands him so well, I think. It’s what Noguchi is talking about when he says that Hira “make[s] a shell by belittling [him]self.” Acting as if he’s the lowest of the low is a defense. It does correspond to the part of himself that fears, at times even believes, that he’s worthless. But it’s also a way of hiding his grandiose side. This is a way of protecting himself from the reaction others would have if they could see how highly he thinks of himself despite not having made enough effort to accomplish the sorts of things he thinks he’s capable of. It’s also a way of protecting himself from his own awareness of his shortcomings and pretensions.

There’s another type of perfectionism researchers have identified, called “covert perfectionism,” in which the person’s outward expectations of others are low and they don’t show their perfectionistic traits outwardly very much, if at all. They’re supposed to be more likely than some types to get trapped in the kind of stuckness I mentioned earlier, in which perfectionism prevents the person from making a real effort at things they would like to do well. In some important ways, Hira’s perfectionism resembles this type as well. You could say that his type of perfectionism has definite narcissistic attributes, but he hides it well enough that it is also covert.

A number of different articles on perfectionism that I looked at cited the same Brene Brown quote about it, from her book The Gifts of Imperfection. I think it’s very salient here. She writes:

Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.

This is very characteristic of Hira. He doesn’t expect to “look perfect” in most respects (he’s more likely to simply try to go unnoticed). But he is obsessed with avoiding those painful emotions. He has spent his entire life being shamed and judged and living in fear of it happening still more. He’s very strategic and has given a lot of thought to how best to avoid being shamed. In fact, these efforts seem to be part of the reason he is such an avid observer of the social structures around him–learning about those structures is a survival skill for him.

idealization and affiliation: borrowing status

In addition to factoring in his covert grandiosity, I think there’s something else to account for when looking closely at Hira’s apparent self-hatred. Hira’s self-critical tendencies can appear inflated if we lump examples that pertain to his relationship with Kiyoi in with other cases. They should actually be looked at separately, because their meanings are distinctly different. Again, I don’t contest that Hira has a low opinion of himself in a lot of respects. But I think when we step back and look at many of the biggest examples of what appears to be a negative view of himself, a lot of them are focused on where he stands in relation to Kiyoi. That’s not the same thing as his value as a person. And placing himself in a certain role in relation to Kiyoi has a specific kind of meaning for him, along with a specific kind of payoff.

Here comes another theoretical interlude. This time, I’m going to briefly touch on Heinz Kohut’s idea of the need for idealization.

Kohut was the originator of a school of thought called self psychology, a branch of psychoanalysis that underpins a lot of contemporary psychoanalytic/psychodynamic theory and practice. He was also an expert on narcissism and basically saw variations and degrees of narcissism as central to a lot of psychological challenges. (There’s some reason to believe Kohut may himself have had narcissistic personality disorder, which would have made him intimately familiar with its inner workings.)

Kohut’s self psychology departed from Freud’s whole psychosexual development model (basically, everyone’s least favorite aspect of Freudianism—the part with all the penis envy and Oedipal stuff and so forth). In its place, self psychology focuses on how we see ourselves, what our needs are in terms of self-image, and other matters that are very relevant to this discussion. One of Kohut’s most important insights was his observation that even when other people have a big impact on our psychological state, what we’re interacting with isn’t so much the other person themselves but our internalized idea of that person. Kohut called internalized versions of people and things from our external world “selfobjects.” (I’ll be circling back to this momentarily.)

One of Kohut’s most central concepts is idealization. In Kohut’s version of idealization, a person views someone else as basically perfect, maybe even omnipotent. The idealized person becomes a special kind of selfobject. In the best case scenario, the person doing the idealizing has some kind of real, personal connection to the idealized person. But even a mental connection to them via their status as a selfobject can meet a need in some ways.

By feeling connected to, or even just affiliated with, the idealized person, the idealizer feels like they take on some degree of the qualities they see in the idealized person. It’s not hard to see how this tendency would date back to childhood. Children have a particular need to idealize their parents at certain stages in their development. Thinking of their parents as strong, capable, in control, wise, calm, etc. gives children a sense of safety and a sort of borrowed self-esteem.

Once you’ve idealized someone, you feel a real need to continue to see them as special and powerful. Again, childrens’ views of their parents are a good example here. One reason children often blame themselves when they are neglected or abused is because they have a strong need to continue to view their parents favorably. Without that favorable view of their parent, their world would seem chaotic and dangerous. Blaming themselves often seems safer. Here, maintaining the high status of the idealized person is so important that it’s a bigger priority than preserving self-worth.

I bet you can guess where I’m going with this. Yep, Hira idealizes Kiyoi in the Kohutian sense of the word. There are a number of facets of this. Part of it involves viewing Kiyoi as basically perfect–outstanding in every way. Even when Hira sees Kiyoi as cruel, he seems to view this as an ideal attribute for someone like Kiyoi.

Hira not only states that he thinks of Kiyoi as “like a God" in season 1, episode 6, he frequently expects Kiyoi to have god-like qualities and abilities. In one of Nagira Yuu's shorter pieces about Hira and Kiyoi that's told from Hira's perspective, he's explicit about this. "Kiyoi's existence is already in a much higher dimension than human beings," he thinks. "Is he the successful fusion of deity and human? That is the big question" ("Wonderful World," as translated by @sparkling-rain). At points during the series, he expects Kiyoi to have a superhuman degree of freedom to do anything he wishes and to know things that would require him to read Hira's mind. He really does treat him as if he’s practically omnipotent.

Hira's idealization of Kiyoi has a number of implications. One is that Hira misunderstands the social structure at his school. He views Kiyoi as the unquestioned king and doesn’t see that in many ways, Kiyoi makes choices about how to behave in school out of a desire to stay on the good side of bullies like Shirota. This fundamental misunderstanding in turn makes it impossible for Hira to notice or understand all the ways Kiyoi tries to protect him at school. If Kiyoi were really at the peak of the school hierarchy, if he wanted to be nice to Hira, he would just do it. But because he has to maintain a certain image in order to keep himself safe, he has to help Hira in covert ways. For example, when Kiyoi admonishes Yoshida not to order Hira around or use his demeaning, ableist nickname, he makes it seem like he just wants Hira to be at his beck and call, which wouldn’t be possible if he were occupied doing tasks for others. But if that were the case, why would he object to Yoshida using the nickname? For that matter, why doesn’t Kiyoi ever use the nickname himself? (He says it aloud in his exchange with Yoshida, but he never actually uses it to address Hira.) If Hira weren’t so invested in the idea of Kiyoi’s supreme power, he might have noticed these disparities between his narrative and reality within the story.

In season 2, the fact that Hira is both someone who has a relationship with Kiyoi and at the same time is a fan of Kiyoi as a performer points out another aspect of idealization. While I’ve never seen Kohut’s concept of idealization applied to fandom, I think there’s at least a variation of it at play when we feel comforted by, or as if we gain status from, being a fan of a person (or a group, piece of media, etc.) that we see as special or powerful. When we get excited because the sports team we root for does well or our favorite actor wins an award or is in a movie or show that does well, I think we’re experiencing a kind of gratification based on a selfobject that we feel is ideal in some way. Our status as fans gives us an affiliation that feels similar to a real connection. (Parasocial relationships are related to this as well–something that’s likely to resonate with those of us who participate in BL fandom, where examples of parasocial relationships abound.)

So both as a fan and as a classmate, then a (sort of) friend, then a boyfriend, Hira gets a great deal of satisfaction and happiness from idealizing Kiyoi and feeling like he has a kind of tie to him. This is completely interwoven with the love he feels for Kiyoi in the beginning. But it also makes it very difficult for him to acknowledge the ways in which Kiyoi doesn’t actually resemble his initial, idealized selfobject of him. Kiyoi isn’t omnipotent. He was never actually the most powerful person in their high school class. In many ways, he’s actually a better person than his selfobject version. Although Kiyoi isn’t the nicest person ever, he’s not nearly as cruel as the cold, imperious figure Hira paints him as.

Sometimes Hira chooses this selfobject over Kiyoi the human being, and Kiyoi knows it. In season 1, episode 4, when Hira starts to get close to Kiyoi but then backs off, protesting that he’s just a “servant” and Kiyoi is his “king,” Kiyoi responds by telling him (in the Viki subtitle translation), “I don’t care if you chase your ideal of me, but leave the real me alone.” This dynamic, of course, is a huge theme in their relationship that continues all the way to the end of season 2 and beyond.

Those are some of the ways in which Hira insists on maintaining his idealized selfobject of Kiyoi. But there’s another way he clings to this idealization, which I think is harder to see at first: in order for Kiyoi to be elevated, Hira has to be beneath him. This is actually one of the most paradoxical parts of this paradoxical structure, because in Hira’s view, he has to be beneath Kiyoi in order for Kiyoi to be exalted, but by exalting Kiyoi, Hira’s status is raised. It sounds strange at first, but it’s not a new idea. The notion of humbly dedicating oneself to someone or something that you uphold as an ideal sounds like an act of self-abnegation, but in the minds of those who take on such a role, by affiliating themselves with this perfect person or thing, some of the magical aura of that perfection rubs off on them.

It’s a bit like members of the clergy in the past (in a Christian/European context), who were known to humble themselves completely, taking vows of poverty, depriving themselves in various ways, even mortifying their flesh. Through these humbling acts, these people were seen by themselves and others as closer to God than an ordinary person, potentially as a channel to God–even as someone who could actually speak for God. By humbling themselves and exalting their ideal, they became something greater than they would ever have been capable of being on their own. Hira’s approach is remarkably similar. In keeping with his description of Kiyoi as a kind of god, he talks about wanting to be a “nun.” (As I understand it, he’s describing a role more like that of a shrine maiden in Shintoism than a nun in any Christian tradition, but there’s enough similarity in those roles to justify the translation.) Basically, if you make your ideal person perfect enough, then even being their servant gives you a lot of status, especially if you’re their most devoted, indispensable servant.

I’m reminded of a passage from the novel here. In the novel version of the story, Kiyoi visits Hira at his new home. A different situation than the one in the series has led to him living alone for the first time, and as in the series, Kiyoi uses his need for a rehearsal space as an excuse to visit Hira there. The situation is somewhat different from the series, but similar in essentials. Hira and Kiyoi have a conversation that leads to an exchange that is equivalent to the conversation that takes place right after the finger incident in the series. In the novel, this scene is portrayed from Kiyoi’s point of view; anything in italics is his internal dialogue. (The ellipsis below is mine.)

‘What am I to you?’

‘The person I love most in the word.’

It was this firm response that gave Kiyoi courage.

‘Then, do you want to date me?’

Kiyoi felt his face burning. Just say yes. If you do, I’ll be able to be honest too. Kiyoi’s heart was pounding as he waited for Hira’s answer, but the answer he got was something that he hadn’t expected.

‘I don’t want to.’

Kiyoi blinked.

‘Why?’

…

‘Because you’re the king.’

‘Huh?’

Kiyoi’s eyes blinked even faster than before.

‘I mean…Kiyoi is like a king, and I’m merely an ordinary person who serves the king; it’s not like I do it out of obligation, but in my mind, I view myself as Captain Duck…Ah, by Captain Duck, I’m referring to a yellow toy in the shape of a duck that children play with in swimming pools or bathtubs, you know?’

–I know, but what does that have to do with it?

Not caring about Kiyoi, who wanted to ask something, Hira continued to explain about the duck. He kept babbling on and on about how Captain Duck once used to float in the sewage and was now proudly floating down a golden river as a prestigious toy of the king, and it was very satisfied with its current life.

(from this section of White Lotus’s novel translation)

Hira is explicit here about the servant/king relationship he envisions for himself and Kiyoi. But the rubber duck imagery is even more telling. Being a cheap toy, an inanimate object of so little value that it’s almost disposable, is more than enough for Hira as long as he can be associated with Kiyoi–if he can be ‘a prestigious toy of the king.’ Just belonging to Kiyoi, even (or especially?) as an insignificant object, equates to ‘proudly floating down a golden river.’ Again, placing Kiyoi in an exalted position and then abasing himself (while maintaining a link to Kiyoi) is Hira’s way of using idealization to achieve a paradoxical kind of status.

The conflict over Hira’s unrelenting idealization of Kiyoi comes to a head in season 2 when Hira fails to understand why his comment about Kiyoi and his parents having “nothing to do with one another” was hurtful.

Kiyoi: Do you not get how I feel right now?

Hira: I don’t!

Kiyoi: Think about it! If you don’t get it, think! [tapping Hira on the head]

Hira: Sorry.

Kiyoi: I don’t want you to apologize.

Hira: But…you’re mad at me.

Kiyoi: It’s always like this. I get mad, and you take the blame. But in reality you just don’t get it!

Hira: No, I don’t! The stars in the sky and the ones watching them will never align!

Kiyoi: What does space have to do with it?!

Hira: Because you and I are completely different! We’re in different dimensions and on different paths. That’s why stars shine so brightly! If I try to touch it or to understand it, all I’ll do is pull the star down to my level! So what I’m saying is…in reality…I don’t…want to understand you.

(dialogue translated by @lollipopsub)

Hira makes this dynamic very explicit here. It’s not just that he thinks Kiyoi is superior and his role is to serve him. He’s determined to actively resist interacting with Kiyoi on an even playing field. It’s particularly clear when he says, “If I try to touch it or to understand it, all I’ll do is pull the star down to my level.” Seeing things from Kiyoi’s point of view or touching him–metaphorically, and in some ways literally–would “pull [Kiyoi] down to [Hira’s] level.” Instead of raising Hira’s status, this would degrade Kiyoi’s. The distance between Kiyoi and Hira–the lack of understanding and meaningful contact–is (from Hira’s perspective) a feature, not a bug. It’s integral to the gratification Hira experiences when he watches Kiyoi as if he were a star–something both beautiful and trillions of miles away.

One sign of the importance Hira places on Kiyoi’s exalted social status is how irritated, even livid, he gets when other people don’t recognize and behave in accordance with his views on the social hierarchy and where they stand in relation to Kiyoi.

For example, when Shirota and his friends make shitty comments about Kiyoi after he doesn’t win the contest, they’re obviously being assholes. But what bothers Hira most is that they are acting as if Kiyoi failing to win a highly competitive national contest means he’s beneath them, when in fact, it’s unlikely any of them would have qualified as contestants, much less made it to the finals like Kiyoi did. To Hira, it’s their lack of understanding of their place in the hierarchy, their lack of recognition that Kiyoi is above them, that is most damning. Which is legitimately infuriating–they’re being incredibly arrogant. But personally, I think it’s clearly more important that they’re being critical and dismissive of someone they claim is their friend right when he has just gone through something very disappointing. That’s not a big concern for Hira, though. In addition to deriving a kind of status from his association with Kiyoi, he also finds some satisfaction in knowing that while his status in relation to Kiyoi is low, at least he can correctly gauge where he stands, unlike others.

And he seems to relish not only correctly assessing his place in the world but also maintaining a particularly lowly role. This isn’t inherent to idealization, though as I’ll talk about further, this combination of factors isn’t unique to Hira by any stretch. I mentioned that Hira’s perfectionism, among other things, is a way of attempting to, as Brene Brown put it, “avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” Hira does have some grandiose beliefs about himself, but he also views himself as inferior in many ways. This tension creates the stuckness that often comes with perfectionism, and this blocks Hira from attaining goals that would fuel a more healthy kind of self-esteem. Gaining status through his association with an idealized version of Kiyoi gets around all of these problems.

Hira also seems to view his grandiose thoughts as a sort of jinx, a way of tempting fate. Think back again to his thoughts when he found out that he hadn’t made the first cut in the Young Photographica contest. “It felt like I was being ripped apart for being conceited.” In Hira’s world, having grandiose thoughts–or at least, buying into them–brings punishment. It’s better, and safer, to embrace total abjection. This is one more reason why it seems safest to put Kiyoi on a pedestal while placing himself in the most inferior position possible. At least, this seems safest until Hira realizes he could lose Kiyoi entirely if he doesn’t stop this destructive pattern.

When Hira does finally try to make a shift in how he relates to Kiyoi at the end of season 2, the big gesture he makes toward “look[ing] at [Kiyoi] straight on” is setting, then communicating, the goal of photographing Kiyoi in the role of professional photographer. This is a very appropriate way for him to make this move. Viewing Kiyoi more as an equal means having to relinquish some part of the status and self-worth he borrows from his idealized image of Kiyoi; this is the perfect time, then, for him to find some self-worth of his own by finally putting himself out there as a photographer and making a real effort to test his abilities.

That's it for this installment! I hope to get part 2 posted within the next week. Edited to add, four months later: That was a little unrealistic! But I'm determined to finish it off one of these days.

Edited to add:

Adding an edit here as I noticed what seems like a rather glaring omission. I failed to reference a scene that bears out a lot of what I have to say in this post. It happens when Hira is staying with Noguchi in Eternal. They have this exchange over ramen:

Noguchi: I was just like you in the past. All full of myself and thought that everything I saw was boring. I was always angry and all, "You're all worthless and should disappear!" Hira: I don't think we're alike at all, though. Noguchi: Having too much confidence and having too little confidence, they're two sides of the same paper in the sense that they're both signs of a damaged self-consciousness. Anything could make you switch sides at the drop of a hat.

(Emphasis mine.)

Citations for individual quotes are included with their respective quotes. The following sources were used:

When I quoted series dialogue, I used the wording @lollipopsub used in their (sadly no longer accessible in the US) fansub whenever possible. I lost access to this version so these quotes are from my notes.

I also quoted the Viki subs (which are good, just not quite as good as the ones @lollipopsub made) when needed. On one occasion I used the Viki version because it supported my point better.

When I quoted the novel, I quoted a fan translation by White Lotus featured on a site called Chrysanthemum Garden.

I also briefly quoted a short story translated by @sparkling-rain here.

When I quoted Eternal, I quoted a fansub that (at the subber’s request) will remain nameless.

#utsukushii kare #utsukare #utsukushii kare meta #utsukushii kare analysis #utsukushii kare season 1 #utsukushii kare season 2 #utsukushii kare 2 #utsukushii kare eternal #my beautiful man #hira x kiyoi #psychology of bl #self psychology #heinz kohut #selfobject #covert perfectionism #narcissistic perfectionism #psychological paradoxes of utsukushii kare #hira kazunari

94 notes · View notes

oviraptoridae · 4 months ago

Text

steel towers grow like corals at the edge of the end of the world

detailed process breakdown under the cut:

this is a location from silversea, the (inhales) work-in-progress troika-compatible post-apocalyptic science-fantasy TTRPG slash worldbuilding project i'm developing + running for a few of my friends. i've posted a drawing of this landscape before! someone asked for me to go into my process for digital collage in gimp, so i made sure to document the creation of this piece.

usually i start by gathering a bunch of images from wikimedia commons and by searching on duckduckgo images & filtering for creative commons licensed images. i wanted to start with a surreal landscape that looked more wrong the longer you inspected it, so this time i started by generating a background with commoncanvas (the stable diffusion model trained entirely on creative commons images, more on that here)

this was the final result. i didn't tweak it too much because i wanted the geometry to look unrealistic and warped. through the upscaling process it lost some of the early cgi look, which was sad, so i'll have to work more on trying to retain that.

interesting tangent: at 20% desert and 80% coral reef, a smooth cone briefly turns into a pyramid.

anyway, i decided i wanted it to look like you were on the edge of this environment, not in the middle, so i made some terrain in blender:

this was just a plane that i subdivided a bunch, pulled some vertices around with proportional editing to make dune shapes, and then decimated the faces to get back to a low poly look. i prefer that method to staying low poly the whole time, i feel as though i have more control over the shape.

the texture is a free tiling sand texture i found online, recolored and scaled down to make it pixelated, and then blended with vertex colors to add a little variation. it's very simple and took me maybe 30 minutes of actual work (the rest of the time spent trying to remember how to use material nodes).

this is the point where i took it into gimp and flipped & scaled the terrain until i liked the composition. i'm not bothered about the shadows not matching up, it just adds to how out of place the surreal terrain looks.

next is color correction, but i forgot to take a screenshot of that before adding the next part. gimp has a little fractal generator hidden in the filters tab, and i used that to make a swirling pattern that i overlaid over the sky, masking it selectively so it looked like it was getting thicker with distance. going for an "annihilation" look to the whole thing.

at this point i'm happy with the image and i go on to post processing. this is the part where tumblr's image compression is not doing me any favors, but oh well. when i make glitch art, there are a bunch of filters that are my favorite, but i don't usually use all of them on an image.

first off, i scale the image to 50%, add dithering (3-4 colors per channel looks nicest to me), then scale back up to the original resolution with no interpolation.

then i add "wind" (under the "distorts" option). it makes a cool pixel-sorted effect. at high levels it looks super cool...

but i keep it pretty subtle for this one.

the "video degradation" effect makes the image either too bright or too dark. i like the lcd screen look though. so i use a mask to turn it into a vignette.

i also added bloom at some point during the process, but i don't remember when. i also took the original image before all the glitch effects and overlaid it with the "chroma" blending mode to bring back some of the color that had been lost.

this was a pretty simple collage, but i didn't want to make the post too long. most of my collages involve a lot of moving things around, testing different compositions and images before i decide on a final product.

this image took like 8 hours to make, for example. most of it was spent perfecting the grainy filter.

other gimp effects i didn't use here but i like include deinterlace (which you can use on a non-interlaced image to add deinterlacing artifacts), sample colorize (lets you use another image as a color source to gradient map onto an image), alien map (can't explain. just use it. move the sliders very slowly if you are sensitive to strobing lights), and value propagation (like a very small radius blur that you can tweak in interesting ways to soften an image without losing graininess or pixelated-ness)

i hope this was helpful/informative!

#silversea #digital collage #glitch art #science fantasy #my art #surreal #behind the scenes #another long ass post... im having fun

14 notes · View notes

blysse-and-blunder · 6 months ago

Text

in lieu of lawn care

10:30pm, sunday, may 26, 2024

cut the grass today, and then went and spent two hours lolling around outside, sitting on a blanket that even now smells perfectly of summer

reading just finished kj charles' the henchmen of zenda (thank you @yogurtforever for mentioning it to me! please overlook the fact that i'm about to go off) and i have to say, surprisingly, this was a rare kj charles miss, for me! i still finished it, i still think i'm glad i read it, but from an author who i've adored all of her other work, it's odd to realize i didn't have as much fun here as i would have liked. two reasons for this, possibly, one that i think it was an early work for her [edit: nope came out in 2018] and two that i actually had read the source material of which this is an au, and i found it continually grating that this book's whole tone and style is set up to be cynical about the original prisoner of zenda novel. if you want the critique to really, actually matter, don't change so much! don't make your case by actually rewriting the entire personalities of the king and player-king, who in this turn into strawmen because they've literally been restructured to prove monarchy is awful. the other option, b), would be to step further away from the source material, in which case you need to stop quoting the original book and integrating so much of the original language. bah. this leaves us open for one of my most irritating little meaningless quibbles, which is that a character gets very self-righteous about what the original novel's narrator meant by using the term 'well-bred', to the point that i think ends up actually being ahistorical and weakening the overall critique we're trying to produce here.

charles is also trying to introduce more time and personality for the female characters (moderate success) and insert some revolutionary, 'hey wait a minute the best answer here is not a continuation of the monarchical system where everyone sucks' sentiment (middling to poor success). i just...found i really hated the idea that every character was Worse, Actually than in the original novel, although in fairness it is believable that the pov character here would think that, i guess. you chose a narrator who's going to take a cynical view of everything, and are trying to show how he allows himself to trust and/or like certain very few people, and it didn't make for a great reading experience.

the same, however, can't be said for the other two books here, although arguably they are also dealing with a narrator who is a) damaged and grieving b) gay. katherine addison's the goblin emperor was a christmas/birthday gift for me in...2022 and was such a gem, a gift in multiple senses, and this spring i have finally indulged in the two companion (?) novels, which i read voraciously on Eclipse Day and the weeks following, and then have turned around and listened to in audiobook almost immediately. the world of amalo is no less full of horror, death and injustice and corrupt or infuriating structures of power are a big part of the inciting action, but the time we spend seeing the people who are kind makes these so much more. pleasurable to read. plus the details of the city, the public transit, the tea houses, the opera, the belle epoque prague vibes. there's comparatively more death, more 'true crime' style mystery solving, more small vignettes of crime (reminding me that she does like writing cases like this, and making her her sherlock holmes au angel of the crows, pictured in ilcb 05/12/24 but not discussed, fit into place in a new way), but the lack of cynicism matters.

listening a lot of podcasts lately. had reason to try and sum up my podcast habit recently, and realized that i am really almost constantly listening to one, of some variety. i go through different moods and will switch between shows to find the right vibe rather than try to finish one all the way through. that being said, the list i tell people when asked 'oh what do you listen to?' is, like, 99% invisible (genuinely really enjoying the robert caro the power broker read-along, despite not reading the book-- it's fascinating) and articles of interest and ologies, whereas this week i think it was primarily no such thing as a fish, followed by normal gossip, followed by i hate it but i love it followed by some npr and crooked media pods (god help me, i do still check in on their election takes and will probably continue to do so out of morbid curiosity). the maxfun shows i listen to? are like family to me, and may be just as overlooked-- but you can bet that's where i'm turning first when stuck on a long subway ride.

watching had reason, last week, to sit down and watch the entire new season of gamechanger start to finish. y'all heard about this shit? gamechanger? anyone? yes? i bought dropout for myself and a few friends last year, and it has been the best possible investment. i love feeling the, like, increase in energy and stakes and creative chaotic potential in each new episode, each new show that gets added to the roster, but i love gamechanger til death do us part. hard to pick a favorite bit for cast psychic damage and resulting peak performances (second place?? bingo?? the timeloop??? sam says????) so let me here give a shout-out to the lesser memed episodes this season, the drawfee collab and the newlyweb game (scream) and beat the buzzer, all of which were so fun while featuring people i knew less or not at all. the little sam reich matryoshkas absolutely killed me. can we hear it for the motherfucking ART DEPARTMENT.

playing having beaten one of the colosseum of fools tournaments in hollow knight, i've gone back for round two and am now emotionally trapped until i can win this second one. since i need the pale ore from it in order to upgrade and do anything more challenging. so it goes. this has also meant that i turned back to other games, after not wanting to continue to die so very much. chants of sennaar was there waiting for me so politely, and i got through the third language and felt pretty accomplished after puzzling slash brute-forcing it i had to do to make things work. was not expecting the uh. the jumpscare, as it were, at the end of the bards' level. but look how gorgeous.

making made a pretty passable banana bread today. the ratio of banana to other ingredients was a little off, so it's largely just 'bread' and isn't too sweet, but it's more than edible.

working on ignoring my email inbox, ignoring my article revisions, ignoring my chapter edits--forgot to send out the email with discussion questions for our panel discussion which we meant to send out this friday, fuck! trying to make progress on paid tasks and stay on top of those hours before i leave, trying to also organize my trip which has meant, like it or not, getting back to some of those emails. also i found an article in welsh which i had been unaware of which will be Extremely Good to have read, even if it doesn't tell me anything too new, just so that i can prove i did. my footnotes always feel so anemic. hopefully this helps, and hopefully i speed up--currently reading about two pages an hour if i'm lucky.

#ilcb #in lieu of a commonplace book #weekly roundup

14 notes · View notes

wyrmyblog · 3 months ago

Text

Wyrmy's greatest hits Masterpost

Hey all! I figured I would make a little post for my blog giving a run-down of the most popular fics I've written, in case anyone came to my page and wanted to check these out. Happy reading!

Vignettes

An established relationship human AU fic made up of single chapter one-shots, not in any particular order, but all in one continuity. There are a couple of chapters rated E but most are rated T and all are pretty fluffy. It's part of a larger series which might give needed context for certain things, but mostly each chapter can stand on its own. The fic and the series on the whole are based around the experiences of a human Aziraphale who is autistic and a survivor of an abusive family. Rated E, 22k, 18 chapters and counting.

2. I Attempt from Love's Sickness to Fly (in Vain)

A standalone human au fic about Az and Crow as two university music students collaborating musically and falling in love. Aziraphale is, once again, autistic and from an unhappy home. (yeah... it's a pattern, what can I say). This fic is probably not my best work, because I basically just gave up on editing it part-way through when I got frustrated with the quality of the writing (it's one of the first things I ever wrote for the fandom and I was coming back to it after years away) despite that, I think it's very sweet and has some great moments, as well as lots of juicy angst moments, so if that sounds interesting I still recommend at least checking it out. Rated E, 22k, 16 chapters

3. In Silence Born

In the same universe as Vignetttes, this fic comprises three fairly fluffy established relationship PWP oneshots. The fic is based around exploring the idea of a person who is non-speaking during sex and how that would work practically. Rated E, 3k, 3 chapters

4. The Wax is Melting (I Need to See Under)

Canonverse fic, standalone but added to a collection of thematically similar canonverse stories, exploring the theory that Aziraphale was demoted from Cherub to Principality at some point before canon, and his reaction to the trauma of s1. Rated T, 3k, 1 chapter

5. Suck it and See

The getting-together fic of my Untitled Human AU, the series that both Vignettes and In Silence Born belong to. Features a meet-cute, awkward sex, and lots of feels. It's a good jumping-on point for the series, as it explains some of the things that come up in the two prequel fics, as well as things mentioned in the rest of the series. Rated E, 7k, 3 chapters

6. O That I on Wings could Rise

A canon-verse fic in same series, and much the same vein as The Wax is Melting. This fic explores the difficulties faced by an Azirphale who is now in a relationship for the first time in his life, traumatized by Heaven, and struggling with the idea that he might have Needs. lots of angst with a fluffy ending. Rated M, 5k, 2 chapters

7. Angels ever Bright and Fair

The first fic I ever published in the Untitled Human AU, before I had everything about it figured out entirely. Aziraphale has an uncomfortable encounter with a family member and Crowley supports him afterwards. Rated T, 2k, 1 chapter

8. I Call my Baby My Sugar

A standalone human AU fic where Aziraphale is a sugar baby and Crowley is his much younger sugar daddy. This is a fic I have a slightly odd relationship to and honestly don't feel great about how I handled the subject. But here it is, anyway. Rated E, 9k, 6 chapters

9. Turnaround

Another fic in the Untitled Human AU series, this one showing Aziraphale having a calm meditative moment of looking back on a past negative relationship and forward to a more positive one with Crowley. Rated G, 1k, 1 chapter

10. Not Unsaid

A gentle, canon verse fic exploring the theme of acts of service and non verbal ways of showing love through the ages. One of the fics I am most proud of as a writer. Rated T, 2k, 1 chapter

And Special mention.... Night and Day

My most ambitious fic and also (at the moment at least) dearest to my heart. It's an angst-heavy melodrama Human AU fic about an Aziraphale who grows up trapped in a cult that not only worms its way into his mind in insidious ways, but also controls and restricts his life to a horrifying degree. For me, this fic is the ultimate expression of "write the fic you want to read." Mind the tags, but I hope you enjoy. Rated E, 39k, 7 chapters

#good omens #good omens fanfic #good omens fanfiction #good omens fic

8 notes · View notes

sydney-carton-of-sour-milk · 14 days ago

Text

The Many Illustrators of A Tale of Two Cities 17: René Ben Sussan (1/2)

A Two Cities two-in-one - in two ways!

Meaning: Not only is this set a double-set which will span the whole month, but for this 1938 edition of A Tale of Two Cities, illustrator René Ben Sussan also gave us two separate types of illustration:

He created a vignette for every chapter in the novel, as pictured above, and

he also created eight full-page color illustrations!

There are 26 more illustrations to this post - enjoy the scroll, and have fun identifying each chapter!

In two weeks, we'll look at the rest of this large set, from the chapter "A Sight" through to the end - see you then!

& the standard endnote for all posts in this series:

This post is intended to act as the start of a forum on the given illustrator, so if anyone has anything to add - requests to see certain drawings in higher definition (since Tumblr compresses images), corrections to factual errors, sources for better-quality versions of the illustrations, further reading, fun facts, any questions, or just general commentary - simply do so on this post, be it in a comment/tags or the replies!💫

5 notes · View notes

carcrash429 · 2 months ago

Text

Fic Rec Friday

@ficreadingchallenge edition! this is the second set of five fics from my bingo card!

unhappy / bittersweet ending:

Alone by EiraLloyd The Magicians; Penny; Teen; Words: 100; Chapters: 1/1

Part of a wonderful series of drabbles (one per episode, it's like rewatching the show all over again through someone else's eyes) this is a little vignette about my favorite angst-ridden magician and how he'll never have a home even though he wants one :(

fluff:

roll for recovery (wizards and warriors edition) by @luxaofhesperides DCU (Comics), Young Justice (Comics); Bart & Tim & Kon-El | Conner & Cassie; Teen; Words: 25,712; Chapters: 1/1

I love this fic so much. And even though I barely know the characters, I feel like I know the characters now, you know? Incredible fic, and if you like D&D at all you're gonna love how true it is to the spirit of a deeply chaotic campaign, I mean:

"He throws open the door, goat in one hand, and yells, “WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS PLACE?!” “Oh, it’s demons."

Perfection.

space AU:

The S Stands for "Stick in the Mud" by Mireille Marvel; Steve & Tony; Teen; Words: 1,418; Chapters: 1/1

(Stargate Atlantis AUs my beloved) I cannot express to you how perfectly the antagonistic Steve & Tony flirtationship translates into the early days of the Atlantis expedition, you're just gonna have to read it and find out.

fic written by someone who follows you:

I'd hit that by @schildmehdchen Marvel (MCU), DCU (Comics); Bucky/Clint/Roy; Teen; Words: 500; Chapters: 1/1

This is so cute :3 perfect amount of accidental flirting and subsequent awkwardness all rolled up with a happy ending ^_^ also just like Clint & Bucky being very kind to Roy when he's in a rough place?? <3 <3 <3

werewolf* AU:

East of Eden by @kangofu-cb Gundam Wing; Duo/Quatre, Wufei/Duo/Quatre; Explicit; Words: 57,258; Chapters: 16/16

I actually don't think there are any werewolves in the fic but there ARE several types of werecreatures so I decided it was close enough. this fic is suuuuuuuper cool and the worldbuilding is awesome. very much a "I don't even go here" read but CB said it had vampires and fae realm stuff so of course I had to check it out! and! it's incredible! especially the mixing mythologies!! loved it

#fic rec friday #fic rec #sfrc 2024

5 notes · View notes

aqours · 1 year ago

Text

In defense of JK Haru Vol 6

i know the plot decisions that emerge in volume 6 of the JK Haru manga (about halfway through the novel) are controversial but i'm gonna go to bat and say i think it. actually really makes sense and if anything i think helps create more context for what this story is supposed to be and fits into its themes very well.

and it isn't like, surprising its controversial: its a huge thing that comes out of NOWHERE on the semi-final volume of the manga/halfway through the book. and the question of "Why would Haru go back to the brothel?" and "Why didn't she just use this early on?" are, imho, actually really valid questions. and the answer is because it wouldn't matter. JK Haru isn't a story about changing the world, it's about the abuse that sex workers face and how Haru exists in that world. nothing really changes in the entire world from beginning to end: and i think that works perfectly, actually.

gonna post more under the readmore both for spoiler consideration and so it's not too long if you don't have the thing that cuts down post automatically! bare in mind i've read the novel and a chunk of JK Haru Summer so there might be spoilers inbound, as well as talking about what vol 7 will probably cover! (and on that note if i'm incorrect about anything from JK Haru Summer let me know, i haven't read all the vignettes yet and i'll edit this post)

nothing really changes in JK Haru's world from beginning to end. hell, the last bonus chapter of the novel is more or less just sharing the setting's mythology and explaining why misogyny is so deeply rooted into its culture: Haru does not change this world, nor could she. it is impossible for one person to have the strength to change such an incredibly rooted misogyny in the world.

Haru has an incredibly godly OP power that is not revealed into halfway through the novel because there is no way to capitalize on it. women are barely allowed to go outside on their own, and her power is one that requires her to -as bluntly as possible- fuck a LOT OF PEOPLE before it can start doing anything useful. and i'll acknowledge this could've been an interesting story in itself: "JK Haru Is A Former Sex Worker In Another World Who Wants To Defeat The Demon King" with chapter 1 being about how she's waited for the better part of 8 months to amass skills before setting off on her adventure: it'd be a dime in a dozen beyond talking about misogyny and having a fem protag for that genre, but i'd like to imagine it's a shiny dime. like, if i had to use a dime for a vending machine and had two dimes, i'd use the other dime first.

but that's not what it it's about.

JK Haru isn't just a scathing criticism of misogyny present in the isekai general, it's a scathing commentary about our real world attitudes. and it IS funny at many times, it is absolutely an erotic work that also wants to sexually entertain its readers if they want it to be a work for such, it is a commentary about what sex workers actually face. we live in a world where prostitution is referred to as the world's oldest profession: and society at large views their lives as worthless. Haru's problems aren't bad because she's a sex worker: it's the rampant misogyny and the treating that the lives of her and her friends are worthless as a result.

Haru at no point really objects to the fact she does this for a living in this odd new world she finds herself in. the most is her shock at the very beginning of "oh, ok wow yeah ok i'm gonna be a sex worker i'm learning how fantasy world contraceptive works-" and it's not this aspect of her life that's nightmarish. the abuse she and her friends have to face because they are women and because they are sex workers is a societal ill. it is made very clear that even if Haru had done this scenario of biding her time before setting out: what would have realistically happened?

if she beat the Demon Lord, if there was even a single man that was a part of her traveling party society would do their damndest to cover up and hide this fact. again, the skeletons of what could still be a fun story, is one that approaches the attitude of one person alone can destroy society's evil. so at the end of the day: those super OP powers end up just becoming a tool for one moment, then it's back to her old life.

because Haru enjoyed her life. she actually notes with hope this is the world she turned 18. this is the world where she graduated from being a JK.

Haru never dislikes being a sex worker because it's sex work: her issues come from misogynistic customers. and she even enjoys it more than once: her relationship with Sumo was something that even if she didn't particularly get a lot of physical pleasure from was something she enjoyed doing. the time with the Bard, while weird, was funny and clearly not something she actually disliked. she's a human being who enjoys sex, and at one point even develops feelings for somebody else and wants to have sex with him.

Haru, Lupe, and Sherasquo's problems are not because of the fact they are sex workers, that they are people who have sex to make a living, as opposed to the misogyny that comes with it, which tragically takes Sherasquo's life. if either her or Lupe had Haru's OP skill? it's likely that beyond the fact Sherasquo survived, they wouldn't have done much for it.

Haru isn't looking to be a hero. she's just trying to live her life as happily and peacefully as she can in the other world. and as we've now stated, Haru does not dislike the fact she is a sex worker and is unashamed that this is her occupation. the treatment she faces, the misogyny, those are the things she hates and harms her and women like her.

and the world keeps revolving. even after Haru finally uses her power to murder an entire squadron of soldiers, nothing changes in that world. Haru goes back to doing the work she is good at and comfortable with because she has found a happiness in her life and does not feel a need to use this power to radically change her life. because the truth is, even if she did, the misogyny is simply so deep-rooted into this world that Haru would probably find herself significantly less happy and much more miserable than doing what she wants to do. that is the choice she ultimately makes, and why a status quo returns: and it's a status quo that is still riddled with pain and suffering, but despite it, Haru managed to find a happiness for herself. and it is not as if she decides to forego all other desires ever: Haru does make a choice she wants to use her skills as an adventurer at the end of things, and even decides she does want a shot at the Demon Lord. she actively tries something new in her life: and ultimately returns to where she was to continue trying to live happily.

nothin really changes all that much in the world of JK Haru. everyone goes through some growth: hell, even Chiba of all people actually manages to become... kind of a decent person by the end of JK Haru Summer? but the world is largely the same. the reality is that sex workers like Haru will continue to face horrific misogyny, and at worst it may result in their murder. Haru is pregnant and ready to raise a baby and might or might not be married to the Demon Lord of her own free will.

so i don't believe Volume 6 doesn't ruin the manga. i don't believe that Volume 6 renders everything pointless. this was never a story of epic fantasy and fighting and how Haru changes the world around her: it's a story about one girl ripped from her home finding her happiness in another world. and she finds this happiness as a sex worker, is not ashamed of that, and has to overcome many trials to be able to truly claim her happiness in her hands. those who describe this as truly bleak misery porn are, simply put, just kind of wrong.

Haru is probably the single most powerful individual in this entire world and rather than using it to change the world with force returns to sex work to continue seeking her happiness, and that's OK. she decides that the usage of these powers cannot bring her to happiness, and that's OK. JK Haru is about the struggle of a young woman that must navigate a violent and misgoynistic world to obtain her happiness while drawing attention to the fact that for many sex workers in the real world, in our earth, this is a reality they have to face, and an adamant message that sex workers are people who are as entitled to their happiness as you, me, and everyone else. the fictional world doesn't change because of one woman's actions just as our real world will not change because of one person's actions, the entire setting isn't radically changed by Haru, and her having her powers even if enough to defeat the Demon Lord would not be able to change the world around her.

so in all?

volume 6 doesn't ruin this story or anything. it just further hammers in what kind of story this truly is, what it's really about, and i think that's... that's OK too.

#starposts #yeah if you can't tell i really fell into a rabbit hole #jk haru #jk haru wa isekai de shoufu ni natta #jk haru is a sex worker in another world #wow that. took a while to write

45 notes · View notes