#and all our tests and quizzes are timed so i ACTUALLY have to do work unlike last semester when i just cntr F the textbook and googled it

[stuckinapril]

Hi Cianna, just wanted to say I really admire your study ethic and general vibe on this blog (you inspire me to do better!)

Do you have any advice/tips for good study habits and staying focused? I find that I get some work done, but after a break I can't get back on track

Sorry for the long ask/ studyblr type of question;; what is your favourite hairstyle that you do with your hair! (I also have curly brown hair :)

Have a lovely day also <3

🌻🌻

hi! i touch on a lot of points in this other ask, but a few specific learning techniques i abide by are:

parkinson's law. parkinson's law states that work expands to fill the time. basically if you have an essay that's due in a week, it will magically take you one week to get it done, even if the task itself could've been done in one day. to counter this i just set artifical deadlines for myself--even if an essay is due in a week, my personal deadline has it due in two days.

prime your brain prior to learning. if you need to study a biology chapter, pre-skim it the night before. this is not the time to go into detail--it's the time to familiarize yourself with the overview of the topic, so you should only be making a quick scan of the chapter. another priming method is to make a concept map of topics before diving into a chapter. as you skim write down key terms haphazardly, google those you don't recognize, and draw a concept map linking them together. this is effective bc it requires you to actually put effort into connecting the topics, takes no longer than 15 minutes, and speeds up the learning process that follows. it doesn't matter if you find out you're wrong once you dive in; what's important is you're actively thinking of how these topics coexist, as opposed to mindlessly taking notes or highlighting only to forget what you learned a couple hours later. i'm also a fan of concept maps bc i get to go back and highlight stuff i'm weak in, which is always a plus.

if you like to take notes, use it as another means of active recall. don't just passively take notes as you go along. what i like to do is i read a paragraph, close the book, then try to take down notes based off memory alone. this helps me both phrase the topic in my own words and realize what my learning gaps are, rather than just passively summarize without putting effort into truly understanding/memorizing something. anything i get wrong i hammer into my brain until i can't get it wrong anymore.

take notes effectively. our brain does not learn in sentences and paragraphs. it learns in bullet points, diagrams, and figures--and that's how i like to frame my notes. first i ask myself if i actually need to take notes to begin with, or if there are online notes out there i can use to save time (which, as a stem student, there typically are). if i do decide to take notes, i never mindlessly summarize. i always condense the material into bullet points, diagrams, concept maps, or visual representations. i also like to phrase my notes as questions rather than just passive summaries, so that when i review them i'm already testing myself in a way. most people would not understand my notes bc they're either very low-yield stuff, stuff i'm weak in, or bare-bones fragments of information.

always prioritize weaknesses. if you're weaker at chapter 18 of your textbook vs chapter 1, maybe start with chapter 18. don't spend 6 hours taking notes on chapter 1 if you're already strong in chapter 1. always attack your weaknesses first.

practice practice practice!! so so important. i owe all my As to mock exams, quizzes i make myself, end-of-chapter questions etc etc. imo practice matters a lot more than passive content review.

interleaving concepts helps with retention. an example of this is i like to do biology and chemistry one day, biochemistry and organic chemistry the next day, physics and psychology the day after... i'm not just doing biology all day, every day. another thing i like to do if i'm in a massive rut is i hop between tons of different subjects on the same day, which keeps me from getting bored/helps me understand the subjects better through distinguishing their differences.

retrospective timetable. an example of this is if i find i'm pretty weak in a particular physics topic, the next few days will disproportionately focus on physics over other subjects. inversely, if i just breezed through a biology chapter, the next few days will have less biology than initially planned. i'm constantly going back and revising my study timetable based on my performance of the day, rather than relying on a rigid prospective timetable that doesn't take into account my progress.

less passive learning, more active. spaced repetition is a big one. i love anki for this bc there's an algorithm that dictates how often topics come up again based on how well you answer them. other methods include active recall, having friends quiz you, and trying to teach the topic to others (or the plushie in your bedroom haha). if you find you're struggling to simplify topics and explain them, that's a sign you don't understand them very well yourself.

[xreaderbooks]

The Shadows of Our Love |5|

Chapter 5 | In the Shadow of Truth

Pair: Sebastian Sallow x Reader, Platonic! Ominis x Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: Language, mentions of blood purity

Summary: Y/n and Ominis have a conversation

Playlist

Available on Wattpad and AO3

Chapter 4 - Series Masterlist - Navigation - Chapter 6

Multicolored puffskeins were at your feet, bouncing on your legs and vying for your attention, much like the rest of the beasts in the forest vivarium. You spent your Thursday afternoon in the Room of Requirement after a frustrating class on Ancient Runes, at this point, you didn't know why you had signed up for the bloody class. You overestimated your ability to pay attention, thinking that your slight interest in the subject would mean you would actually listen to the droning of the Professor.

The time you spent with your beasts as a form of procrastination was therapeutic, alas, your time was ending and you would have to do your homework for potions soon.

You fed and pet every single one of the exotic creatures to the point where you had feathers and fur all over you. It wasn't until Deek had emerged from the entrance to tell you that you had a letter, that you let out a heavy breath and decided to stop lingering.

With your final goodbyes to your adorable animals, you stepped through the portal back to the large room where the house elf handed you the letter. 

Y/n,

Whenever you are available, I would like to study with you in the Undercroft. I will be skipping dinner waiting for your arrival.

Ominis

Interesting...

You and Ominis were on speaking terms, more than just classmates but not exactly besties on the level that he and Sebastian were on. It pleased you to know that he wanted to hang out, officially, that is.

The two of you had a bit of a rough start in the beginning, especially with the way you enabled Sebastian at times with his quest to save Anne, you wouldn't have and didn't blame him for his response to everything that went down so you were happy to refresh the page and start anew.

You changed into a different set of robes and sprayed yourself with your floral-scented perfume to hide the stench of the animals you spent half the day with.

~~~

"Knock knock," You voiced out into the secret room as the metal gates to the Undercroft shut with a clamber.

"Y/n?" Ominis said on a wooden desk he must have conjured since it wasn't there before.

"I must say I was quite surprised to receive your owl, Omi," You walked over to him and settled your writing tools for the essay you were going to force yourself to work on.

His eyes narrowed at the nickname.

"Right, that was weird," You cringed and slid into the seat across from him. "Sorry, wanted to try it out."

"Not your best, I must say," His lips quirked upward. "Shall we get started?"

"We shall," You unrolled the scroll of parchment and your advanced potions textbook. "What are you working on?"

"Practice test for Charms, Professor Ronen just assigned it today but I want to get it done as soon as possible, who knows when the man will spring up his practice quiz."

You were familiar with Professor Ronen and his spontaneity, always the one to make sure his students were actually paying attention in his class, he would give you a practice exam to review and give you all homework credit for it but it was also a warning for his pop quizzes he frequently liked to give.

"Oh! I have mine with me if you'd like to just copy off mine and study later?" You offered. You brought your satchel with all the books of assignments you have and have not completed.

Ominis appeared thoughtful and declined, "That's alright, I prefer to study the material given to me actually. It was kind of you to offer."

"Not at all," You smiled at the fact that you were getting to know little details like this about Ominis.

~~~

A full hour of work, the Undercroft echoed with the scribbles of your quills on parchment and the turning of textbook pages. Not at all as awkward as you thought it was going to be when you were heading over here.

The only times you would talk to Ominis were when you were both surrounded by people, in the Great Hall or in class, the both of you gravitated toward each other in a room full of classmates who hadn't been through the same experiences and grief- all thanks to Sebastian.

You thought that being alone with him without Sebastian's impending doom looming over the both of you, would be tense but it hasn't been.

Ominis worked on his assignment, while you worked on yours- 12 inches of parchment on Everlasting Elixirs. It was due next week Monday and you knew that you had to get started on it somehow if not, by the time you actually put the effort in, it would take you til the morning of the due date to finish.

That was stress you did not need when you were already worried about sodding Ancient Runes class.

"Is something the matter, Y/n?" Ominis broke the silence.

"W- Yes, I am." You were surprised by the question, "Do I not seem alright?"

"You're very quiet, well you are quiet but you're thinking so much, I can almost hear it." He chuckled lightly as he said it. "As a matter of fact, you've been quite pensive these past few weeks."

"Have I?"

"I'm blind Y/n, that does not mean that I do not notice such things." He sits up straighter, "Your other friends may not have seen it, that lot has always been more extroverted but so were you, last year. Not as much but still I can feel it when I'm around you, it's as if you're less enthused."

You rolled your eyes with a smile, he cared. It was a little bit of a shock to know that he did but it warmed your heart.

"I have a confession to make," He started. 

"Do tell," You placed your elbows on the table and leaned in, curiously awaiting.

"You mustn't tell anyone," He says with a stern tone. "Not even Sebastian."

You snorted in an unladylike manner, "Done."

He inhales, and confesses, "I'm a legilimens."

Your face contorted in confusion, your silence gave it away before you had to ask what that was. You had only been a part of the Wizarding world for a school year, you didn't know much besides what you had encountered and learned about last year.

"It's a person who can read the thoughts of others, I can look into your mind and find your deepest memories, even read your thoughts at present if I wanted to."

"Are you trying to tell me that you read my mind?" You didn't know how you felt about that. "That's what all the concern is about."

"I- Well, no. I wasn't lying when I said I felt the way your energy has changed. It's not something I can control or practice often, though I should."

"Is it something that you learned or were you born with it?" Had he always been able to do that and just now said something because he heard something that drew him to be worried?

"Wizards and Witches can learn and master it but for me, it was a trait passed down from my ancestor, I choose not to use the ability," His voice was tight as he explained. "Your thoughts were loud, I didn't mean to intrude, I'm telling you this because I want to trust you. I want you to trust me as well. I know you and Sebastian are still not speaking-"

"I was wondering when you were going to bring him up," You sighed. "How is he, by the way? Since we're on the subject."

"He's Sebastian, complicated and stubborn" He answered. "This was never about him, point is, I've noticed over the course of a few weeks that you haven't been yourself and was wondering if there was anything I can do to assist."

You crossed your arms and leaned on the back of your chair, "While I appreciate the concern, I am quite alright, Ominis."

"You know, Sebastian and Anne have been a better family to me than my actual blood. They had no hate in their hearts, they held no judgment on me and the beliefs of my family." He cleared his throat, "I was gutted at what had happened to Anne and the path that Sebastian took to try and save her. That drove a wedge between him and me, as you've witnessed. Dark magic is not something I could ever resort to, you know this, ever. Not even for someone I consider a brother, so trust me when I say I meant no offense when I heard your thoughts."

"I know, Ominis," You said in a light tone to ease his mind. You weren't upset at him for accidentally reading your mind, it caught you off-guard and you were just grateful you weren't thinking something embarrassing.

"So your parents are racist," you joked to ease the tension. "To be expected with the whole Slytherin thing, pureblood supremacy and all that, obviously not your thing." 

"A never-ending fight," He exhaled. "I never asked- not that it matters but where are you from?"

"I'm muggle-born," You shrugged. "I had shown signs of having some magical ability when I was a child but my parents were visibly uncomfortable whenever I showed signs so I just held it in, kind of trained myself to ignore the urges, and even went to a muggle primary and secondary school."

His eyebrows quirked at the information, how different the two of you are.

You continued, "It got to the point where I just couldn't hold it anymore and everything just burst out of me. At the worst time, might I add, in the middle of the class- everyone fell out of their desks. I was nervous for a presentation and everyone was overwhelming me with questions, With all the build-up from never being released, I just exploded. Freaked my parents out, by some miracle of fate, I heard a pair of wizards buzzing on about Hogwarts and so I wrote a letter to Professor Black and here I am."

Ominis blinked, processing the information, "Fate was right to bring you here. I'm not my parents but just be glad you're in Slytherin, that's the only prejudice I will take part in though you do spend a great amount of time with Gryffindors, I'm not so sure the sorting hat made the right choice."

You reach over the table and push his shoulder lightly, he laughed breathlessly in his seat.

"I'll have you know, a Gryffindor could never get out of the skirmishes I have, and that's all thanks to my cunning." 

"Or sheer luck," He murmured. 

You tossed your quill at his chest, "Oh, stuff it."

~~~

Chapter 6

Leave a comment or Message if you'd like to be tagged

Taglist:

@vanivivs - @aqueennia

[agirlattea]

The True Meaning of Iron in the Blood of the Fallen: 

Part 1:

(Location: Central Kingdom, Magic Manor, Library, Night Time)

One night, I went to the library to look for a pen I’d forgotten. 

Akira: (Oh? There’s light leaking from under the door. It’s pretty late, I wonder if anyone is still there...) 

As I peeked into the room, Saku-chan, who was floating around my shoulders, moved to copy my movements. 

Shino, Mitile, and Arthur: Zzz…zzz…

The three sleeping boys were Shino, Arthur, and Mitile. 

Pens, notebooks, and textbooks, were spread between their sleeping forms. 

Mitile: *Muttering*... Jeez… Dr. Figaro... 

Arthur: Lord Oz… the star-shaped pot-au-feu carrots were wonderful... 

Shino: Hehe, look at me, Faust... 

Akira (Hehe, it looks like they’re dreaming. But if they stay here, they might catch a cold…) 

Shino: Hm…? 

Mitile: *Yawn* 

Arthur: … ah, Master Sage? 

Akira: Oh, I’m glad you’re up! Just now, I was wondering if I should wake you. 

Were you all studying together? 

Shino: Yeah, there’s a test in class tomorrow. This is the final push. 

Mitile: Shino wants to surprise Faust by getting a good score! 

I also have a test coming up, so we were reviewing together. 

Arthur: When I heard about their study session, I requested to join as well. 

We were quizzing each other just now, but it seems we fell asleep without realizing. 

Akira: On top of our missions, you’re all doing your best to study too… you’re all amazing! 

Shino: Well, yeah. I used to think lectures were a meaningless waste of time but… I’ll to anything to become stronger. I don’t want regrets when I die. 

Shino flipped through the book in front of him. 

In the past, I might’ve been surprised to see him at a desk, but now it’s different. 

Underground waterways. Artificial wizards. I’m not surprised because I know of the deadly battles he’s overcome. 

Suddenly, Shinto’s grave expression shifted to a mischievous grin. 

Shino: Look, Sage. 

Akira: Woah?! What exactly is… this? 

A picture made of frightening brushstrokes covered the page he’d pointed to. 

A huge red mass covered the center, connected by long thin threads, like a spider web. 

Surrounding it, were people folded on top of each other, as if tangled in the strange threads. 

Akira: Is this… a red cocoon…?  

Arthur: Yes, this type of magical creature has been passed down through legend since ancient times. 

Though as the number of humans increases, they are forced out of their homes. I hear not many still live… 

Mitile: It seems tomorrow’s test will be about the ecology of magical creatures! 

Shino is particularly good at this. 

Shino: Yeah. This monster emits a sweet scent and makes mysterious noises in order to attract humans into its domain. 

Then, it extends thin, thread-like tendrils that suck the blood of any who approach. 

Akira: Sucks their blood… does the creature in this cocoon grow by using human blood as nutrients? 

Arthur: I believe so. They appear out of nowhere, build a nest, and spend a long time inside their cocoon…

In most cases, they are exterminated during that time, so few records exist of their actual appearance. 

Mitile: That’s kind of creepy, a blood sucking monster with an unknown appearance…

Akira: It’s almost like a scary urban legend… it’s creepy because you don’t know what you’re looking for…

Shino: Don’t worry. If it’s just a big lump, I’ll cut it in half in one strike. 

Arthur, Akira, and Mitile: So cool! 

Shino: Hehe, that’s right. Though just to be safe, let’s review one more time. 

Arthur: Yes, I’ll join you as well! 

Mitile: Me too! 

Akira: I see everyone still has energy! In that case, I’ll bring you some tea and sweets for your study session! 

Shino: Oh, that’s really nice of you. 

I got a ton of sleep so this’ll be fun. 

I’m looking forward to the test tomorrow.

(Location: Central Kingdom, City of Honor, Day Time)

A few days later. 

Akira: Shino, once more, thank you for your hard work! 

Arthur: What a wonderful outcome! It’s probably the best score so far. 

Shino: Well classroom lectures are nothing compared to hands-on practice. Experience and are important too. 

Faust: Don’t get too comfortable just because everything worked out this time. Though certainly, it was quite an exceptional score. 

Saku-chan: …! 

Akira: I think Saku-chan is praising you. You worked hard together, right? 

Shino: If it’s an achievement that even a spirit can understand, it means I deserve a great reward, right Faust? 

Faust: Well, you did perform exceptionally. Are there any famous lemon pie shops around here? 

Akira: Arthur recommended one. It’s only a little further down that way, but I didn’t know there was a town like this nearby. 

It’s probably because of the old buildings, but there’s a really calm, nice atmosphere. 

Arthur: That is because the “City of Honor” is a city with a long and rich history. 

The lemon pie shop I visited on my last incognito visit was delicious, so I’d love to recommend it to you, Shino. 

Shino: It’s probably not as good as Lady Blanchett’s, but I can try it and see if it compares. 

Let’s bring some for Mitile too, he has a test today too, after all. 

White: Hello everyone! I apologize for the wait! 

Oz: … 

Akira: White, Oz. 

Arthur: Welcome back! Were you able to buy the heart-shaped churros? 

White: Everything went smoothly, but afterwards, something caught my eye, and we ended up on a detour, right Oz? 

Oz: I was only there to carry your baggage. 

White: Don’t say such dreary things. Once in a while, it’s nice to tour a new city together. 

We’ll return to the Manor with the new sweets we bought. 

And, aren’t you planning to partake in Snow’s afternoon tea, while he keeps an eye on the Northern Wizards? 

Oz: Have you only just now received this news? 

Faust: Honestly, I was under the impression that Oz was invited here by Arthur but… 

Arthur: No, I was the one who extended the invitation. 

This town boasts many beautiful historic buildings, so I thought Lord Oz could enjoy it as well. 

Besides, we’ve all undertaken so many missions as of late, so it’d be nice if we could use this opportunity to rest. 

Oz: …You are who continues to carry out official duties. 

Once you have settled your business, rest early today. 

Arthur: I will! 

White: He’s not so obedient anymore though~ 

Shino: … 

Akira: Shino, is something wrong? 

When I looked over, I saw Shino standing in front of a store. 

The elegant shop was lined with delicately decorated stationary, colored glass, lamps, and tableware. 

Shino reached for the corner of a shelf and traced the cover of a book. 

Shino: “Bernard’s Legend of Heroes”…

Akira: Bernard… is that the title of the book? Is it some kind of biography? 

Faust: It’s a heroic legend passed down through this city. There should be records of it in the Central Country’s history books. 

Arthur: Indeed. Bernard is the name of a famous general who ruled this area during revolutionary times. 

In honor of his bravery, this town was named after his achievements. 

Shino: A hero whose deeds were published and whose name remains even today… did you ever meet him, Faust? 

Faust: Not really, his time was years before I was born. 

Shino: Hm… 

Shino picked up the book and flipped through the pages before turning it around and tracing the cover once more. 

Faust: …Alright. I’ll buy it for you, so be sure to read it. 

Shino: Are you sure? 

Faust: Reading is a good habit, so take this chance to develop it… 

???: Wait, wait! 

*thump* 

Oz: …

???: … ow! 

A boy jumped out of a nearby alley, and slammed into Oz. 

Immediately, coins scattered in all directions. 

Oz: … 

???: … S-sorry… 

Akira: Are you alright? Let me help you with your money… 

???: No, I can do it myself…! 

The boy, who looked at Oz with fear, before crouching down to collect his coins, seemed to be around Shino and Arthur’s age.

Murr: Oh? It’s Master Sage! 

Shylock: Oh? It seems everyone has gathered together. 

Akira: I didn’t expect to see you both here… 

White: What? Have you ever visited this town before? 

Murr: Yep! Im chasing this kid right now! 

He took my wallet~! 

Akira and Arthur: What?! 

Boy in a hat: ah, no, this is…

Shino: Are you a pickpocket? 

Shino grabbed the shaking boy’s wrist, before turning him around. 

Boy in a hat: ! 

Murr: Ah, Shino caught him! 

Shino: How unfortunate for you. You should be more careful about choosing your targets. 

Faust: Shino, don’t be too rough. 

Shino: Yeah, I know. 

Shylock: Wonderful, what a bright and youthful look. 

Shino: Thank you. What business did you have in this town? 

Shylock: We came to stock up on alcohol and visit our favorite cafe. There are many hideaways in such an old town. 

That’s where we had an unexpected encounter with this young man. 

White: I see, but you aren’t the type to allow yourself to be robbed. 

You could’ve stopped anything with magic. Don’t play around with his heart too much. 

Akira: What…?  

Murr: After all, that kid picked up the wallet that I just happened to drop, and started messing with it. 

Peeking inside, looking around, with changing expressions, behaviors, and gazes…

Wouldn’t it be a shame to stop the movements of the heart that manifest in all sorts of ways? 

Faust: So you purposefully allowed him to take it? 

Murr: Yes? When I called out to him just before he was gonna stuff it in his pocket, he freaked out and ran away. 

I felt like chasing so I did! 

Shylock: It’s like watching a cat in front of a mouse. 

I am at fault for failing to stop him sooner. Allow me to apologize on Murr’s behalf. 

Akira: Not at all but… why would you do something like theft? 

The boy probably realized that he couldn’t escape, so he stopped struggling. 

His deep gray eyes peeking out from the brim of the hat caught sight of Arthur, and he gasped. 

Boy in a hat: You are… 

back to event Masterlist

[artzychic27]

Here's a fun AU idea I had.

There's a theory that Marc is Adrien and Marinette's daughter from the future. I never liked that idea but it got me thinking.

What about an AU where Nathaniel and Marc are time-traveling teens from the future. They assist Bunnyx (Future Alyx) in keeping history in order, and are sent to present day Paris to watch over the future leaders of the Miraclous Team.

I'd love to hear little headcanons and ideas about our time-traveling boyfriends.

Anyone ever see Best Friends Whenever? Well, we got Boyfriends Whenever. Instead of holding hands, they kiss

It takes them a while to figure that out when they accidentally jump ten years into the future

Marc: We just need to think back to before!

Nathaniel: Still here.

Marc: Back to before!

Nathaniel: Not working.

Marc: Back to before!

Nathaniel: Let’s make out.

When solving two separate time anomalies at the hospital they were born in, Fluff did some stuff, and now they can travel forwards and backwards through time

When she hears about this, Bunnyx meets up with them at their school and introduces herself with an offer

All they need to do is assist her in her time travel mission by keeping an eye on the future memebers of the Miraculous Team fifteen years ago

Nathaniel: So, are we gonna meet young you?

Bunnyx: Yes.

Nathaniel: … Do you remember meeting us?

Bunnyx: I won’t until you travel back.

Marc: But, what happens to us? Will there be older version of us here since we’re back in the past?

Bunnyx: No, because you’ll return to your proper timeline depending at the end of the day so you can catch up on all schoolwork and such.

Nathaniel: What if someone wants to come over our houses?

Bunnyx: We will work that all out!

Bunnyx makes sure to tell them all about present day slang, what to wear, and which celebrity is in or not

When they get to the past, they are not all that impressed

Nathaniel: They still have guns? How primitive.

Marc: It’s so warm here. And that woman is actually driving. With her hands on the wheel!

Nathaniel: Rainbow… The car has wheels.

Marc: Ugh. I forgot how backwards people are here.

Thanks to some help from Bunnyx, they are now exchange students at DuPont, but they’re in separate classes

During study hall, they stop time and go over what’s happened so far. Turns out, almost all of Nathaniel’s classmates are all members of the Miraculous Team

Oh, and his teacher is a criminal in the future

Along with traveling through and stopping time, they can create time loops

They only do those when they want to relive a good day and see what they can change about it, also to mess with some bullies over and over

And since they’re watching over a bunch of irresponsible kids who are the future of Paris, they go back in time A LOT

Marc: Pothole on your right. Stay off your phone, Alya.

—

Nathaniel: Max, if you pour that chemical, you will go blind. If you pour that one, you’ll lose your taste.

—

Marc: Nino, put on your fucking headphones before you go deaf, I will not tell you again.

—

Nathaniel: I will not hesitate calling the cops if you continue to stalk Adrien. Neither will that girl over there who has a clear view of you trying to climb over the manor walls. Also, give him his damn phone back. Oh, wait. *Holds up Adrien’s phone*

They’re beginning to question if the students cut out for hero work

They make sure to keep close eyes on Chloé, Lila, and Marinette. Especially Marinette because a superhero is stalking someone?

When they’re not facepalming every time they’re around the Akuma Class, they’re visiting their parents back when they were young adults

And since they’re from the future, they know all of the trends before any self-acclaimed fashionista

Just for the hell of it, they travel forward to look at answers for tests and quizzes and knock them out of the way. They’ve already got schoolwork in their own timelines, they don’t need the pile-ons

When they stop time, Nathaniel likes to mess with Gabriel

[timaeuslover001]

Man, if I was president, you would never ever see another standardized testing again.

No more stress needs to be added on any more kids or students to make them retain information.

The only thing you would see is midterms and finals.

The midterms will be the first half of the year information that you learned in the finals will be the other half. And the finals will not be all the information you learned in those eight months in school absolutely not that’s way too much information to expect somebody to retain in 150 question test in 45 minutes, m absolutely nuts!!!!

Because what I’ve learned in college is that all kids are different and we have to learn that and respect that and not let these outside forces dictate to us or tell us or lie to us about what we are capable of.

Because even after doing what I was supposed to do in terms of putting myself in the front of the class, taking notes having a phenomenal teacher, a phenomenal lesson plan to learn and follow along with, and asking questions and not only completing classwork, but also completing homework and doing my own studying and practice problems outside of that work and then learning old material when we moved onto other material….. didn’t give me the grade I ended up getting at the end.

The great I ended up getting at the end was a B but our teacher had mercy on us and actually let us use the equation sheet and that is what really gave me up and gave me the grade I ended up getting.

Because my grade was a low B.

But thanks to her, giving us that opportunity to use the sheet. My grade probably would not have been as high.

And I was on academic probation at the time so I have nothing but As and Bs during that semester.

And it just made me realize that even with all the proper tools I’ve utilized to be successful. It still wasn’t enough, and I was OK with that because I knew me.

And I’m not saying kids shouldn’t be tested or expected to perform high. I’m just saying that there’s way too much pressure on education that isn’t making people want to retain it anymore or any better.

By assuming everybody can do it, you’re setting people up for failure because the expectations are not fairly set.

The high school was a stressful college because it because it wasn’t I lucked out and had a really good math teacher in college button high school I also had a few good math teachers, but also a few not too great ones.

But it was certainly less stressful than anything I’ve ever had to deal with college.

Definitely SAT scores as well as well as ACT.

Of the books that explain that it’s basically supposed to be a test about how kids learn in their learning ability and it’s more so about testing them on all the skills that they should’ve acquired over their entire career of education before college, such as you know and how fast you can apply it that can get done in a short amount of time.

But unfortunately, because a lot of kids don’t really utilize themselves when studying or care to know you know a lot of kids end up failing and college or get a rude awakening because they don’t pay attention to it when they have the chance in high high school when it’s less besides a bad grade or two.

Because college is about being responsible and when you’re responsible for your grade and your education, you have to take all the necessary precautions and steps to make sure that you succeed and in college if you don’t do well, they kick you out and you fail. And money gets lost and you don’t need that.

So I would definitely get ready all standardized testing. Because all those skills should be evidently shown in those students test and quizzes as well as the finals and midterms they have in school.

[multistanparadise]

Archive Post: Idol High

Synopsis: Uh basically it’s the written version of a crazy dream series I had a while ago. I’m tired of not updating here but I also don’t have any requests so here we are 😀

*unedited

"Hi are you interested in Korean culture and Kpop? Do you want to get to know the Idols you've come to love? This is the place for you! Fill out the application and see if you're qualified for what it takes to be an Idol!"

I quickly pull up the online application and fill it out. I have been into Korean culture for 8 years (it’s been over a decade now currently 😀) and it's time my knowledge be put to the test. I answer all of the requirements and send my application in hoping I'll get a response.

🌻

"Girrrrrrrrrrrlllllll, I'm LIVING!! This is our chance to meet our ultimate biases and if we're fortunate....marry them!" My best friends are on a Group FaceTime call screaming. "They specifically said they don't want Koreaboos and fangirling on campus. We'll have to work on it."

"Don't our acceptance letters come today if we get in? We already did our interviews so hopefully we all get in. I personally can't wait to see Mark."

The rest of us look at her. "We know Kayla, we know." The doorbell rings and I tell them to hold on. A Korean man was standing at the door with an envelope.

"Hello Ms.Diamond, you're formally invited to attend Idol High, your flight leaves in the morning. Your ticket is inside along with the itinerary for your first day and check in for your dorm room. 안녕히 가세요!"

Wowww I actually got in...

🌻

My friends and I arrive at the airport along with our luggage. "So do we order an Uber or...do they provide us transportation? Wait...I see a sign that says Idol High." We head towards the man holding the sign and he looks really familiar. "You girls attending Idol High?"

"MINHO?! I mean um yes we're attending Idol High. Ahaha..." He smiles and gestures for us to follow him. "Girrrrrllll we hit the jackpot!" "I know we are finally living like a kdrama!" "I wonder how the dorms work!"

"Ladies are you coming?" We stop whispering among ourselves and run after him.

🌻

We arrive on campus and it looks like we stepped into what looks like Boys Over Flowers and My Hero Academia had a baby. "Wowww we're going to live here?!" Minho chuckles a bit at our reactions. "Well yes of course. Your luggage will be taken to your room while you attend orientation. Well it was nice meeting you ladies, enjoy your time here."

We exit the limo and step foot on campus for the first time. As we enter the Admin office we are ushered to the orientation center and sat at a computer desk. "Welcome to Idol High, please insert your full legal name into the appropriate section."

Click click

"Welcome Mina to Idol High, you will now take a quiz to decide who your roommates will be. The dorms are co-Ed."

Click click

"Your results are in. You are best matched with BamBam of Got7 and YangYang of WayV. You can not be matched with your biases. Please head to your dorm to continue orientation."

Of course I wouldn't be paired with my biases...I knew it. I check to see that my friends are finished with their quizzes. "So who did you get?"

"Yugyeom and Hendery."

"Hwasa and Yuta"

"Wooyoung and Zuho"

"Wooseok and Shownu."

"Oh cool. Well I'm going to head to my dorm, I'll catch you later." I walk to my dorm and bump into someone. "Oh excuse me beautiful, are you okay?" I look up to see the man of my dreams( 🥴) Jackson Wang. "...um oh uh no but I'll be okay later...." He smiles and presses the elevator button. "Sooo do you like Got7?" The doors open and we walk inside. "Absolutely, that's my...favorite group...floor 7 please."

"Oh me too, what room are you in?" I look at my sheet and back at him. "4..." I'm so nervous I hope I'm not sweating. "I'm in 5, that's across the hall. I guess I'll be seeing you around. Can I see your schedule?" I pass him my paper and our hands touch slightly and I feel my stomach fill up with butterflies. Oh good god.

"We have the same morning classes, maybe we can walk to class together." He smiles as he hands me my paper back. "Oh okayyyyy, I wouldn't be opposed to that idea." The doors open and we step out together. "Oh I think our rooms are this way." I follow him and we find our dorms. "Well I'll let you get settled, maybe later we can go to the café together?" "Oh sure that sounds good. Just knock on my door ..."

I open my door and wave to him before closing it. If I stayed in his presence any longer I think I would've burst. "How am I going to control myself around him?" "Around who?" I jump because I know that voice all too well, BamBam.

"No one...hi I'm Mina." He shrugs and waves. "You already know who I am, Double B!" YangYang pops out his room and smiles. "Hi Mina, it's nice to meet you!"

"Awww you're so cute in person, it's nice to meet you too!" He blushes a bit as he smiles. "Well go settle in, we'll hang out later." I smile as I open the door labeled Mina and close it. I let out a breath of relief and see that my bags have been placed at the foot of the bed. I think I'll have a lot to get used to but I think I'm gonna like it here.

A/n

Okay so I'm going to update this for the part 2 but this is long enough haha. Please comment 🥰

[ehlessandraspsyche]

Blog Post 1: me before psych and the constant struggle with my sense of self by lana del rey 

Before I even began my journey in General Psychology, I have always been interested in it. I like analyzing the behaviors of myself and others as I am a very conscious person. Every move that I will make, am making, and made is analyzed and reflected upon. I am aware of the possible consequences of my actions and how they will affect my future. I overthink a lot and am generally an anxious person. For me, my personality traits are a blend of my parents. My father and I have the same personality type, both of us are INTJs. This is probably the reason why we are both independent and like being alone. Both of us are capable of adjusting to different environments quickly as we are currently away from home (I am in Manila and my father is an OFW). Although I show my emotions like my father, I also inherited my mother's anxious nature. We both tend to overthink the little things. She always makes me check her Facebook captions if the grammar is correct or not, just like how I hate passing my work before letting it marinate. I don't mean it literally but, I don't like passing my work immediately after I finish it. My mother and I are also very aware of our social perception toward others. 

I like categorizing myself. I want to see order and meaning behind everything which is why I like things that do that. I use personality quizzes such as the Myers-Briggs Test and Enneagram in order to see where and how I fit in. I even studied astrology because that is how much I value typing myself and my personality. Categorizing myself helped me analyze my personality and behaviors as I had a hard time grasping my sense of self. Having a box to fit me in became a way for me to recognize myself and helped me find people to relate to. To be honest, I think that the only reason why I was obsessed with things like MBTI, Enneagram, and Astrology was that I was scared that I would never fit in anywhere. 

Until now I recognize that I am a deeply insecure person. I am afraid of commitment because I think that nobody actually likes me for who I am. My sense of self-worth fluctuates more than the inflation rate. One moment I would think that I am a great person who is really pretty and someone who is liked by all, the next I would think that I deserve trash and nobody likes me. This is really reflected by my love life or lack thereof. I’ve had a lot of guys ask me out before and I turned all of them down because I couldn’t envision myself dating them. Then I would kind of regret not accepting them because I would see people my age having relationships. I know that I shouldn’t be in a relationship if I would only accept them because I want a relationship and not because I like them as a person. 

This moment in my life is just so genuinely confusing to me. I have no definitive sense of self that I fully identify with. Hopefully, through this course, I would get to understand the enigma that is my psyche.

Word Count: 550

Date Written: March 25, 2023

[187days]

Day Eighty-Six

Every single bad weather day this school year has been a Friday. 

Yesterday’s snow turned to rain overnight, and made a huge mess, so we had a delayed start this morning, which shortened our classes to an hour and cut out flex block. That meant some of my GOV students didn’t quite finish the FRQ section of their last-ever test (until the actual AP exam, anyways), but that’s not a big deal. They can just finish on Tuesday. The only other thing they have to do next week is write the reflection for a project they’ve had all semester to complete- the political participation project- and that shouldn’t take them too long.

The students who did finish did really well, so I’m pleased. A few made some avoidable errors- they just needed to slow down and read the questions more carefully- but, generally, they’ve got a solid grasp on the material. I was particularly happy to hand graded tests back to students whose improvement over the semester has been dramatic; learning to take these tests is a hard skill, especially for students who aren’t accustomed to needing to study and prepare a lot for tests.

I think, at first, some of them didn’t believe me when I told them they’d develop the skill with time and practice- and a dash of help from me- but now they do. Woohoo!

My World students worked on multigenre projects, but first they had to take a vocab quiz, which some of them were very stressed out about (because studying vocab is something I expect them to do largely independently, and despite daily reminders to do it, some of them did not). I’m saying, I was getting emails from students begging me to let them take an easier version of the quiz, or asking if I’d postpone the it till next week. So when they got to class today I had them all take a breath, remember that I don’t weight my quizzes heavily enough to kill their grades (because I know these quizzes are difficult, and sometimes ninth graders need a safety net while they learn to do difficult things), and I allow retakes. Panic makes them forget all of that, but once they remembered their mindset improved. And most of them did just fine. Some will do retakes next week, but that’s alright, too. Lesson about the importance of preparation learned. 

[edhayne]

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

There’s an election around the corner in the UK, US, and France, which means politicians are telling more porkies than usual. Obvs.

Smarter people than me have written pieces on the psychology of lying in its various guises, but one area that I found particularly interesting is the belief that it might stem from the way we are brought up. I have three children and without hesitation, I’ve convinced them that Father Christmas exists, I do my timesheets every day, and that they must show appreciation for terrible, re-gifted birthday presents. This is a problem because as Psychologist Robert Feldman, author of The Liar in Your Life, points out, “We give our kids very mixed messages. What they ultimately learn is that even though honesty is the best policy, it's also at times fine and preferable to lie about things.”

So, what’s all this got to do with my day job? Well, the Advertising Association recently published a report which stated that for the first time in a decade, advertising is “no longer the least-trusted industry”. Hardly cause for an open top bus parade (fittingly, the preferred media touchpoint of the deceitful), but positive news for those who believe that McCann’s “truth well told” mantra is something we should all get behind.

However, before we get too carried away, there are still some big issues that aren’t showing any signs of going away that I want to explore further.

The first is the politics of agency life. The stories I’ve heard about the regularity of history being quickly re-written by power-hungry, insecure individuals when their bosses aren’t happy with a piece of work, is startling. Integrity goes out of the window and the blame game begins. It’s an age-old problem in all walks of life, but it saddens me that as I’ve got older it’s become more obvious. I love working in advertising because of the teamwork that goes into creating great work. The serial liars who brown nose their way up the food chain therefore remain a scourge on our industry and need ratting out.

Secondly, I want to shine a light on some well-known brands that specialise in a specific type of bullsh*t that can often go undetected. A group with vivid imaginations, fake passports and a complete disregard for authenticity. Still not sure what I’m on about?

Meet the provenance porky tellers.

To be clear, I’m not talking about your Russian Meerkats or anything obviously fictional like that. I can also forgive brands like Aesop, Haagen-Dazs and Hotel Chocolat who’ve gone for an exotic name to aid brand perception but haven’t outright lied about their backstory. And I’m acutely aware that many products are no longer produced in the country where the brand was born.

My issue therefore isn’t with those who embellish the truth. It’s with those shameless bastards who tell outright lies about their origin.

Before going to town on them, unlike the agency brown-nosers, I actually have some respect for these mass market fibbers. Credit where credit is due, they’ve mastered the art of (fictional) storytelling and if their sales figures are anything to go by, their elaborate lies have paid off in the short-term.

However, they do also make me feel uneasy. Mark Twain told us to “never let the truth get in the way of a good story”, but if we’re to clean up our act as an industry, and distance ourselves from the sleazy world of politics, building brands on a web of provenance-based lies isn’t a great look.

At this point, it’s very tempting to reel off a list of names that would fail lie detector tests when quizzed about their birthplace. The likes of Hollister and Frankie & Benny’s are two examples, but given we’ll naively be guzzling pints of the stuff during the Euros, I want to highlight a more topical provenance porky teller.

A brand created in 2020 that’s less authentic than Del Boy’s “Peckham Spring Water”, but with a name I could imagine him casually dropping into conversation.

“Madrí Excepcional, Rodney, Madrí Excepcional.”

In case you didn’t know, Madrí Excepcional is “Madrid’s modern-style European cerveza”. Its logo is a man dressed in a traditional chulapo, its advertising is Spanish to its core and its tagline is ‘el alma de Madrid’, meaning the soul of Madrid. It’s an enticing proposition and I’ve been seduced by it on more than one occasion.

So, imagine my shock when an older kid told me that just like Father Christmas, it’s all a load of made-up bollocks.

The story goes that Madrí is a unique collaboration with La Sagra, a brewery Molson Coors bought in 2017, to create “an authentic Spanish lager”. Dreamy. But there’s a reason Spaniards look confused when you ask them about this beer. It turns out that Madrí has only ever been brewed by Molson Coors at several sites in the UK, including Tadcaster in Yorkshire. A lovely place I’m sure, but not Europe’s sunniest capital city. Furthermore, even if you believe the La Sagra partnership is genuine, it’s a brewery in Toledo, which is 70 miles from Madrid and the beer is not even listed as one of their own products. The rumour that Madrí is simply Coors Light with extra hop extract added to it, might explain their reticence and rival beer Mahou’s claim to be the “Real Taste of Madrid”.

Maybe all these lies don’t matter, and I should be grateful that I can enjoy an £8 pint of Tadcaster’s finest brew in London. Clearly, there are much bigger things in life to worry about and it’s worth mentioning that Madrí is now one of the UK’s biggest selling beers, so Molson Coors shareholders couldn’t be happier. However, the big unanswered question is whether their deception will stand the test of time? Trust can only be achieved when you employ the truth, so for the sake of our industry’s reputation, I hope they end up suffering the same fate as the Conservatives at the upcoming election. Unfortunately, that’s taken 14 years to achieve, so don’t hold your breath.

[scereplop]

what's real and what's not?

I'm doing a lot of last minute studying for my exams right now, and over the close to, basically, a decade of studying for exams and quizzes and tests in school I have done (a lot of which, mostly recently, are more concentrated in the days or hours following the actual thing) I've only now realised how little I actually question. How much of what I force into my brain under the pretense that the knowledge of which will help me eventually (whether this is true or not is a whole other conversation) is true? I do ask questions, yes, but even I know that it is hardly enough. For every person who states something that is wrong, isn't it their lack of knowledge on that matter which leads them to believe that what they say is right and what others say isn't? This problem of being right and being wrong has a root in believing things without knowing why you should be believing it. I find that it is very easy to believe something that, though you have only heard it once, and heard it too from a source that is dubiously trustworthy, caters somewhat to the opinion on it that already exists in your mind; or even worse the lack of one and instead the presence of laziness to find the opposing belief. And yet that is what I do with textbooks, with lectures, with nearly everything in fact, because it's so tiring to have to doubt everything the sun touches and have no safe predictability to fall back on.

I'd like to think that we live in a day and age that things we read in articles and in the textbooks I, and the entire country, use in schools, would have been checked and verified to the point that there should be no mistake; that I should be able to trust whatever has been printed onto the pages with blind certainty. We are living in the now, and hasn't humanity as a whole come so far in our knowledge compared to who we were 200 years ago? But wasn't that exactly what our ancestors, 200 years ago, must have thought? When a majority accepts something to be the truth it often does become real, but it really is a funny thing for if something is real, or is seen as real, it does not mean it is the truth. Will people look at us 200 years from now and laugh at our folly? Will they ridicule us for believing in something just because everyone else did and swear upon the newfound that they will never be like us? Be as gullible as we were?

In year 1 our science teacher had taught us that taste buds on our tongue were separated, and only those certain clusters of taste buds in each of their separate locations could taste their respective, well, taste, be it sweetness, saltiness, sourness, bitterness or spiciness, and we brought chocolates, salty chips and coffee grounds to school to test it out. My conclusion; I could very much taste all five of those tastes on all the different parts of my tongue. But I didn't say I did nor did I ask why. I watched my classmates who did ask get told that they had just done it wrong, so I assumed I did it wrong, because the textbook said I was wrong. How could I trust myself, who didn't know anything, a mere student, and not this science text book of law that we all worshipped in the classroom. The fact is that, I should have asked because I convinced myself that that was real. That what everyone said it should be was real. And so it became real to me. But the entire time, it was not the truth. The tongue does not work this way, you can taste these tastes on all parts of your tongue, only to different extents, but those extents are only visible to machines, hardly to ourselves.

Most of the things I've learnt in school up until how have been true, and I would not trade this knowledge easily for it is beautiful and I am glad I have had the chance to experience it and keep it with me. But I only fear that there are cracks in this painting, and I don't know where they are. And I never may. They will haunt me till I die if that artwork doesn't crumble to pieces before I do.

[stardust-sunset]

vent ig

tbh i’m just…so tired

i have finals and other tests that literally my area of the country takes because god forbid ANYTHING can be easy for more than like two days for me

and yes, if you bothered to read my messages, i exited the furry community. yay.

and at school everything is fucking miserable because between tests and quizzes and everything along those lines i get the wonderful privilege of being posted about on social media without my consent and then i get to listen to the same girls who were posting. about me talking shit about me in our shared room during a field trip for band, saying i should kill myself, that i should go die and that i have anger issues and jealousy problems and it’s just so fucking annoying

and im too afraid to post vents on here now because i just don’t feel safe anywhere. i don’t feel like i can filter my feelings anymore and i know that something is going to become of this and i don’t WANT that. i don’t.

and then i just make innocent fanart and fanfic and i get harassed for it? are you fucking kidding me?! like seriously. I’ve said it once and i will say it again. IF YOU DONT LIKE WHAT I POST, DONT INTERACT! You have NO fucking right to harass me. I don’t give two shits if you think im cringe or whatever, and if you can’t even confront me without masking as anonymous? that’s fucking pathetic. To whomever sent me those asks, either shut the fuck up or tell me who you actually are so i can block and report you. i don’t give two shits about your opinions, so you can leave me be.

and now on top of that, my dog is sick again. Again. I did everything i could and she just…keeps getting worse. i can’t lose her. she’s been my best friend since i was four years old and i know she’s getting old, but…fuck…i don’t even know anymore

and now that summers coming i promised myself i would work out and such now that i have time and i’ve been weightlifting when i can, and now that finals are coming up and i can’t do that anymore and i have a tendency to either not eat at all when i’m stressed or stress eat, and the latter has been more apparent and now i just…feel fucking fat again…and i have a vision in mind for what i want, i’m gonna work out and fix my bad habits, but it all just…seems hopeless…i’m fat and i know it bad i’ve been covering it with sweaters and stuff and my mental health is taking a toll from all of it and i just…i don’t know anymore…everything’s miserable…

thing is, would anyone even care? would anyone know? i’ve lost the majority of my friends and i’m terrified. my parents are gonna kill me if i don’t get all high nineties on my report card. I’m trying to get into wake forest, which is about a 25% acceptance rate and is also where a family member went. i know if i don’t get in, they’re gonna be so fucking disappointed…i can’t do that to my family. i can’t be a dumb disappointment. i can’t be.

and just…i’m so angry and i’m so upset right now and i don’t know what i’m doing wrong because i just…nothings working out anymore. i’ve had so many breakdowns in the last week and i feel sick. i know i’m gonna fail one of them and i’m terrified of what my parents will do. i can’t dip below what’s seen as good in their eyes. i finally got into honors math after i worked my tail off for three years to get there and the first thing they do is yell at my brother and brag about me. i hate that. and if i end up getting kicked out of that..? they’re gonna be so fuxking disappointed in me. and i’m scared.

i’m scared and i don’t know what to do

i just wanna feel loved or something

i love my family. i really, really love my family and i would take a bullet for them, but i’m just…i’m terrified of them sometimes

i wanna feel loved and just…appreciated for once. like someone actually fucking needs me. like someone would actually like…i dunno..care.

i’m desperate. i’m latheryic. i’m alone and i know that. i just feel like shit

and i don’t know what to do.

[maryangelasblog]

"I'm shy, please come say hi.”

Blog #1

“Once upon a time, I dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was myself. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man.”

Hello there, everyone! I am delighted to conquer and introduce myself here in the blogging community. I am Mary Angela D. Lagutao, a 15-year-old girl from the Corn Capital of the Philippines City of Ilagan, Isabela. Faith and hope are wonderful to me. Having someone tell me, "You got this." or "Don't give up." is the best feeling; those three words motivate and inspire me. It's a tough life, and it's the little things that help us get through it, sometimes the smallest things mean the most. I am motivated to do better because I have hope.

I used to be a talkative, humorous, and cheerful kid, but where has that funny little girl gone to now? I have no idea what happened. In Elementary, I found my passion in participating in quiz bees and essay writings, I also joined the majorette club, student council, radio broadcasting team of our school. But that was a very long time ago, and I can't even twirl and spin a baton now. I used to be one of the happiest and active students in our school before. When junior high school arrived, I don't know why, but I suddenly became dull, quiet, shy, or to put it simply, introverted. This is where I experience crying over poor test scores, my first time taking remedial after failing quizzes, and cram because I procrastinated, but I'm not going to deny it's the best part of my student life. There, I met my friends—or, perhaps more accurately, my soul mates—who look out for me whenever I'm silent. I feel so fortunate to have them in my life.

Where do I see myself 10 years from now? To be completely honest, neither I nor any of us really don't know what will occur today or tomorrow. The realization that I'll be twenty five years old in ten years from now and that my teen years is coming to an end frightened me a little. However, if God grants me the opportunity to live to that age, I may very well make the most of it by dedicating all of my passion, heart, determination, and commitment to becoming a successful doctor as well as a happy, strong, independent, and fulfilled woman. Picturing my person ten years from now I hope I have already pursued my aspirations, wishes, and goals. The only person we need to believe in, is ourselves because no one else will. Although others may view you differently, in the end, only how you see yourself will matter. Your main goal should be to prevent feelings of worthlessness. To light a fire of possibility inside of you that will lead to success, you should be grateful for the little things in life.

Let's start with where I am right now; I am a Grade 11 STEM student at Saint Paul University Philippines, and I am grateful to be a student there. Saint Paul University is one of the most reputable universities in our region. It is huge and beautiful. However, I was actually anxious prior to enrolling at this university because I had so many "what ifs" racing through my head regarding how this academic year would go. I am initially hesitant to venture outside of my comfort zone, but who would have thought that my biggest discomfort would also be my greatest teachings. If the opportunity arises, seize it and work to become a better person. As they say, "remain motivated and have fun while you're in school." The school has a joyful, productive atmosphere; it's a brand-new beginning and a brand-new journey. From the security guard to the teachers, everyone on staff at the school is very friendly and welcoming. I adore being a student and going to school. I enjoy being here with my classmates and pick up new skills every day. The professionalism and discipline I have learned from my teachers will help me in the future. I'm proud to be a student here, and I'll never stop missing it when I leave. I have learned a lot from my time in school, and I have given the chance to be with the most wonderful classmates.

Was STEM the best best choice after all? I am a STEM student, as I already mentioned, and I believe it was a good decision in the end. Simply because STEM or Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math is suitable and related to the course I wanted to pursue in college. For those who plan to pursue a medical course in college, the STEM strand offers numerous career opportunities. Additionally, the topics are very interesting and challenging.

Hopefully and if all goes well I would like to Major in Nursing or Medical Technology. Growing up, I saw some homeless people begging for money so they could pay for healthcare. They motivated and inspired me to pursue a medical allied course because I wanted to help those people. Last but not least, I aspire to be a doctor. As a child, I enjoyed playing my medical kit toy, I act like I’m the doctor whose giving prescriptions to my patients. I am choosing either nursing or medical technology as my pre-medical course because of this.

Let me tell you something!

I know it's crazy to admit it, but I still don't know what my real purpose is; I just simply function and go with the flow of life. Finding my mission in life is though, but is more crucial than i might realize. In the process of still finding my purpose, i discovered that there is so many things like my passion to share to others.

[megagrind]

hmmm. i just took an art history course this past 15 week semester and it was the bane of my existance. but my major requires me to take two more of these classes in the next two years in order to get my degree

so instead of doing that, ill just take not one, but TWO art history courses at the same time, except they'll be crunched down to 5 weeks instead of 15. yes, thats a perfect solution to this problem that won't bring about any unwanted consequences :)

[weepingvoidpenguin]

One of Your Favorites

Jealous Bucky x Reader

Summary: You have an objective. Get Rumlow to confess. Simple enough, right? No. Aside from his usual condescending attitude towards you, Bucky has made it extremely apparent that he doesn’t think you’re capable of - well, anything, but especially not handling Rumlow. And yet, he is the biggest challenge of this entire ordeal.

Warning: T R I G G E R WARNING!! ATTEMPTED SA, DRUGS, language, light smut. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT READ IF SA WILL TRIGGER YOU. 

Word Count: 8.3k

   “We have good intel stating he’s working as a double agent for HYDRA. Selling information, exploiting tactics, even going so far as to tell them where we’ll be and when.” Natasha scanned the room, making sure she had everyone’s attention during the briefing. 

   You slouched back in your swivel chair and twisted to-and-fro slightly with your hands gripping the arm rests on either side. It took all of your willpower to act engrossed in her words. And you meant every single drop. You’d been paying attention, sure, but the only issue was the dominating presence two seats to your right and directly in your line of sight to Natasha. You rolled your chair to the left to clear the path for the third time, only for him to block your way without missing a beat. The growl that left your mouth was nearly involuntary. Nearly.

   How long would this man act like a child? Despite his graceful and seemingly unsuspecting movements, you were fully aware his placement was intentional. This was not the first, nor did you doubt that it would be the last, time that Bucky acted impudently toward you. Frankly, you’d grown bored of his behavior. It was the same thing everyday. He would act a nuisance during the briefings, speak over you whenever he had the chance, steal the limelight from you and invalidate any concerns or thoughts you shared. The whole charade grew tiring and he had been dancing on thin ice for months now.

   You averted your gaze from burning holes through the freshly washed, brown locks and switched your attention back up to the redhead. Thankfully, too, because you managed to catch the end of her sentence just as she locked eyes with you.

   “And that’s why Y/N is going to be the one to extract the information from him,” she finished.

   You blinked, “Wait, what?” 

   Bucky straightened his posture and threw a quick glance your way, “Yeah, what? She’s got no heat, couldn’t toast marshmallows if we gave her all day. She shouldn’t lead this, she wouldn’t know how,”

   “Well, tonight might be a good time to start learning, then,” Steve chimed in, throwing a wink your way. You smiled and appreciated his aid, not because you needed it but because at this point, you were seething and if you opened your mouth to defend yourself this meeting would go south, quickly. Luckily, Steve always believed you were capable of a great deal of things and knew you strove for more experience so any opportunity to lead or expand was one he thought you should take. 

   “Besides,” Tony spoke up, twirling a platinum pen between his fingers from across the table, “our little double-agent has always had the hots for Y/N so unless you’re gonna be the one to bat your eyelashes at him and get him alone in a room, Mr. Barnes, we have to use his own flaws against him.” He turned to face you and held up a hand, “Not to say that liking you is a flaw, you’re great Hot-Stuff but exploiting him is our best option indefinitely,”

   “Do I have to seduce him?” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest and raising a brow towards Nat, trying your damned hardest to avoid the unmistakable glare the brown-haired super soldier was sending your way. 

   “The only thing you have to do is extract any information on him that you can. Get him a little drunk, catch him in a slip-up or two, take note of any inconsistent stories and be on your merry way,” she reassured, “How you manage to do that is up to you,”

   “Ooh, extortion,” Clint chirped up from the far back corner, his hands rubbing together maliciously around an arrow he pulled from his sheathe, something you noticed he did a lot when he was uninterested; be it a person, mission, or conversation.

   “No. Not extortion,” Steve shut it down and you chuckled at how Clint’s countenance fell into one of disappointment. 

   “Not yet anyway,” Natasha mumbled and you sighed as she walked around the room and handed each of you a folder with your individual objectives inside.

   “But he’s such a pervert,” you grumbled.

   “All the easier,” 

~

   The rest of the day was drudged with Nat while she taught the pertinence of body language (both yours and theirs), verbal ruses, and overall ensnarement. You bat your eyelashes until you were certain you would catch enough wind to fly away, smirked enough that your cheeks began to ache and raised your eyebrows ‘til you felt the impending wrinkles on your forehead. By the end of the drill you weren’t sure you were even going to make it to the company party from the migraine creeping its way on.

   “How’s the bait coming along?” His voice alone caused you to roll your eyes but you paid no mind while you rubbed at your temples and stood up alongside Natasha.

   “She’s not gonna be able to lie to me any time soon but she can flirt her way to whatever she wants,”

   “Benefits of targeting a narcissistic misogynist, they don’t think anyone can fool them.” Tony belted as he sauntered into the room with strawberries, offering them out to you while he munched on one.

   “She’ll still mess it up,” Bucky countered, “Make someone else do it,”

   You plucked the fruit off Tony’s tray and examined it, trying to figure out whether you were going to consume it or use it as a weapon.

   “I really appreciate your words of encouragement, James. Unfortunately, they’re not wanted, nor are they needed.” You bit into the fruit and glided towards the door, looking over your shoulder at the super soldier, “So unless you actually have something to contribute, I suggest you stay the hell out of my way while I get the job done,”

   Nat walked out behind you and handed you a tiny, skin-colored device meant to conceal itself and you placed it in your ear. 

   “The conversation is gonna be recorded so we can catch any inconsistencies. We’ll all be able to hear what you’re saying so tread on delicate waters but don’t be afraid to shake mountains if you have to,”

   You nodded and opened your door for her to enter your room knowing she’d want to help you get ready for the event. Natasha, shocking as it turns out, enjoys company while preparing for events. She would much prefer to be surrounded by people than be alone. You never had gall to ask her why that is. Or maybe you respected her too much to ask.

   An hour had passed, maybe two, but you enjoyed the silence between you both. There was no need to fill the empty quiet when it was so comfortable and welcoming. You two spoke without words at times and that was probably your favorite personal skill. Eventually, there came a knock on your door and you opened to find Wanda with her flat iron and make-up bag in tow. It’d long since been decided that your room was the gathering center.

   Wanda helped you finish touching up your outfit and you waited on your bed while they finished getting ready. Nat occasionally quizzed you on certain situations and how you should act depending on the tones and moods of the conversation. You tried to explain that you didn’t have difficulty reading a room but Nat tested you all the same. 

   “And if he puts his hand on your thigh?” She called out from your bathroom.

   “Then he loses it,” you practically sang in response.

   You were met with a flying hairbrush and laughed at the onslaught.

   “You’re not the only one with that mentality,” Wanda called out as well, her iron glossing over thin strands of hair.

   “Nat knows I can handle myself.” You sat up on the bed and went over to your closet to collect your favorite pair of shoes to go along with the formal attire Nat selected for tonight. “What a coincidence that we happen to have a company party the same night we have to extract information,” you hollered over your shoulder, moving aside terribly worn shoes while you scoured for the pair you had in mind.

   “This objective has been in the works for weeks now,” Nat released the tendril of hair from around the barrel and pinned it to her head so it could cool.

   “Wow, thanks for the heads up, then.” You gripped the desired pair and placed them beside your nightstand for later.

   “The plan wasn’t solid until we knew for a fact that Rumlow was coming. It’s a company party so it’s not mandatory but once he heard you were making an appearance, it didn’t take very much persuading,”

   You rolled your eyes and plopped back down on your mattress, “He’s so annoying, I doubt I can hold much of a conversation with him,”

   “Take a shot or two to ease your nerves, if he sees you drinking it’ll put him at ease too. He’ll be more inclined to drink,” Natasha recommended. “But don’t act too out of character. If you were always curt and short with him and suddenly you start acting over-friendly, he may get suspicious. He’s an idiot but he’s a paranoid one,”

   You nodded, taking a mental note to have a half-empty bottle in your grasp when Rumlow arrives. If he thinks you’ve already been drinking, he might also consider catching up. 

   “Y/N? Not uptight for once?” Wanda sarcastically questioned. “I can’t picture it,”

   “Oh, fuck off,” you grumbled and in turn received laughter from the two girls. “Besides, of all of us I’m by far the least uptight. Barnes takes the cake for that one,”

   There was a beat of silence that you didn’t register before you were met with a response.

   “Ya know, he’s not as bad as you paint him out to be.” Nat unpinned the curl from her head and moved on to the next section, “He’s got some serious loyalty and always willing to volunteer first for everything,”

   You lifted your head to stare at her reflection through the mirror, “What are you talking about? He’s annoying and irate and lacks a filter,”

   “Mmm, irate isn’t the word I would use,” Wanda countered, looking over to Natasha.

   Nat shook her head in response, “I’d lean more towards . . . over-protective,” 

  “Much better,” Wanda agreed.

   You squinted your eyes at their image and felt the corners of your lips turn downwards, “Over-protective? Since when are you two defending Barnes?”

   “We’re not defending him, per say.” Wanda glanced over to Nat, “We’re just trying to give you a fresh perspective,” 

   “You could give me a brand new pair of eyes and I’d still see him the same,” you retorted, now leaning on your elbows due to the strain on your neck. 

   They ignored the comment, “And he’s only annoying to you,”

   “You’re telling me he doesn’t annoy you at all?” You asked, an eyebrow raised.

   “More like . . . he doesn’t go out of his way to mess with us.” Nat applied a nude color onto her lips.

   “So you agree that he goes out of his way to irritate me,” you stated rather than asked.

   “That’s been made very apparent,” Wanda responded. “But you have to wonder why,”

   You huffed a little and sprawled back out on the bed just to result in staring at the ceiling above. If you looked hard enough your mind would create pictures from the chaos of the cracks and shapes began to form. Sometimes, when the night lay still and life seemed to dwindle at the edges of your reality, you could swear a familiar face fashioned together and your imagination ran wild with the images you’d see. Some that brought a warmth to your cheeks even now. 

   You shot up out of bed and shook the memories from your vision. Ugh. He haunts you even when he’s not actively tormenting you. How he’s managed to crawl his way so deeply within your skin you had no idea but you fought for control of your thoughts whenever you caught them slipping into that hellhole.

   “Or slipping into euphoria,” Wanda chimed in.

   “Wanda!” You scolded, crossing your arms, “Euphoria my ass,”

   “Yeah, he thinks so too,” she continued and you chucked the abandoned hairbrush back their way. 

   “Stay out of my head,” you jokingly sniped at her but was met with a low chuckle.

   “I didn’t even have to be in your head to know what you were thinking of,” Nat defended and caught your weapon of choice.

   “Are you guys done yet?” You rolled your eyes and stretched yourself out before swiping up the pair of heels you’d chosen and sliding them onto your feet.

   “Why? Are you in a hurry to see a certain someone?” Natasha teased and Wanda let out an eruption of laughter.

   “All right, I’m done.” You made a beeline for the door and threw it open, “Lock up when you’re finished!” You bellowed over your shoulder and made your way to the top floor of the building where all the parties are typically held.

   You didn’t run into anyone on the way up and you used that time to calm yourself, prying inch by inch away from the invasive thoughts that called for you in the darkest hours of the night. But, then again, maybe those tormenting thoughts weren’t that bad? You mean, he certainly IS handsome, very much so actually. And he has the most knee-wobbling smirk you’d ever come to know, not to mention those little tricks he does with his knives always manage to entrance you. God, did he know how to use a knife. 

   On more than one occasion had you caught yourself staring at how his hands encapsulated the hilt of the blade. How they clenched and relaxed, drawing out some of the more prominent veins on one of the extremities; of course, you were even more so enticed by the hand he hid as well. You’d imagined what it felt like to have such strong hands grip onto your thighs and coax you into spreading them open with just a few teasing touches here and there. You couldn’t fathom the front you’d put up would last very long, he was stellar at pulling reactions from you. He’d see you break under his caresses and he’d degrade you like he always did but this time it’d emit a different response from you, one that made you whimper and shake. At that, he’d probably call you a good girl, he definitely seems the type to switch between degradation and praise, and would press his mouth up just where you wanted it the most. You’d try your hardest to be quiet but damn the way that tongue moved against you and the way he’d pull you harder against his face at each sound of pleasure you let slip past your lips. He’d enjoy it, too. Eyes closed as he devours you, he likes to put on a show for you to watch. Give you a memory that’ll slick your thighs later that night if he hadn’t fucked you into a coma by then. He’d make you watch him and if you dared to close your eyes you’d earn a firm, cold smack on your ass. He knows you like when he uses temperature play. He growls a little too, he can’t help his innate behavior. Then, just as the accumulation is coming to its apex he’d pull away abruptly and kiss you straight on your mouth so you can taste yourself and that’d earn him another whimper which would result in another smack that leads to that cold metal trailing its way to your core and just as he pushes the tip of his finger inside-

   You cough and straighten your posture as the elevator door opens. When had you leaned up against the back wall of the elevator? Oh Gods, you could feel the slick at the apex of your thighs and you squeezed them together as inconspicuously as you could in fear that you were producing a . . . scent that would be rather difficult to conceal. But the slick only grew worse when you locked eyes with the person stepping into the elevator.

   Fuck.

   “That’s what you chose to wear?” He asked, a certain venom in his tone that immediately calmed the ache in your heat.

   “And what would you have me wear instead, Barnes?” You quipped back, your body facing forward as he took his place beside you in the cramped space.

   There was a beat of silence. Then another. “Not that,” he responded.

   “Well I’ll make sure to ask you next time since you have such impeccable taste,” you retorted, your eyes yet to abandon the sight of the closing doors.

   You weren’t sure of all the effects of the Super Soldier Serum that had been injected into Bucky and all that it heightened but you prayed to any God that would listen that his hearing wasn’t one of those things. You were too preoccupied with attempting to settle the hot pulse beating between your legs to worry about how loud your discomfort came across.

   “What do you look so nervous about?” Bucky’s gruff voice prodded. “You can’t possibly be nervous about the mission considering how big-headed you are,”

   You took a deep, long breath and held it to soothe you. Had you not been so previously preoccupied, you’d have given him hell for the insult. “I’m not nervous about that,” you sniped and rested back against the cool wall to satiate your burning skin before lifting your gaze to him only to find him already examining you.

   “Of course not, I just said that,” he retorted, bringing a gloved hand to his face to rub along his jaw, “there’s obviously nothing for you to worry about,”

   You scoffed, “And why is that, Barnes?” Cue the dramatic crossing of your arms. 

   “You’re smarter than Rumlow and significantly better trained. Overall, he really doesn’t hold a candle to your ability,” He paused for a second, his whole frame tensing until he remembered to relax, “But that’s not really saying much considering it’s Rumlow,” 

   You hadn’t noticed you raised your eyebrows until you felt your face fall, “Ah, there he is. You had me worried there for a second, Barnes. Thought you might actually try something new and display common decency for once,”

   A corner of his mouth turned up subtly and he shook his head. You trailed your gaze down to his hidden hand and stared long enough to burn a hole through the fabric.

   “If something’s bothering you, Dollface, go ahead and speak up,” 

   You weren’t sure what possessed you to say anything, especially knowing how touchy the subject was for him but the words left your mouth anyway, “I don’t know why you insist on hiding yourself,”

   He lurched his head back, your statement seeming to have a physical affect on the man and you mentally slapped yourself for saying anything.

   “I’m not hiding myself,”

   “But you are,” you interrupted, your thoughts coming out in pools of candor, “you aren’t your hand. You aren’t your past. You are you. Presently. You’re not the Winter Soldier anymore. That’s not even the same hand you had back then. It’s not tainted and neither are you. I say drop the gloves,”

   “And why would I care about what you say?” He growled, his eyebrows furrowed together and his neck tight in potential restraint.

   The elevator dinged and you looked towards the opening doors, “You don’t have to but they don’t look right with your suit either.” You walked through the exit and sauntered over to the others who had already gotten the party started, leaving Bucky dumb-founded behind you. “I need a shot,”

   “Already ready,” Tony quipped up, holding the small glass in the air for everyone to behold before bringing his cheek to yours in mock welcoming, “This’ll up your tolerance for the next hour, try to get all your drinking done within that time-frame,”

   You pulled away with a warm smile after faux kissing his cheek, “Finally!” you displayed and threw the liquid back in one swift motion, your face scrunching together against your will.

   “Yeah, she’s got a kick to her,” he mumbled and handed you a fruity drink to chase it down with. 

   You went around and said hi to everyone as you recognized most of those present. You made small chatter with those lesser known and drank the liquid in your hand significantly quicker than you’d like to. You excused yourself after you finished the drink and walked over to the bar, scanning the room as you were handed another glass. No Rumlow in sight.

   You headed towards the foosball table and gripped the handles after setting the beverage down on the counter beside you. You flinched as a reflection of light caught your eye and at first you thought your glass was the source. Until your eyes fixated on the reflection’s actual origin. To your far right, and up a few steps you found Bucky conversing with Steve, a dull light emitting from his hand. Not a glove in sight.

   “So, where’s your boyfriend?” Sam inquired when he filled the opposing spot.

   You rolled your eyes, “Bucky’s not my boyfriend,”

   “Bucky?” Sam’s tone chirped up teasingly, a knowing look wearing on his face.

   Your grip tightened around the handles and you slowly pulled away to throw the little white ball through the circle, your hands immediately twisting the miniscule players around. Your eyes shot back and forth, your sight never leaving the darting sphere. Sam still managed to win the first point.

   “Ha!” He shouted in triumph, bringing his finger up as if to scold you, “Don’t think you got away with that comment either, Y/N,”

   “What comment?” you questioned and gulped most of your drink before slamming it back down on the table.

   You heard your earpiece come to life with quiet static and you tried to keep your face masked. Rumlow had entered. Not a surprise either, the party was finally starting to pick up now.

   Sam threw the ball in and you turned the players meticulously this time, brute strength hadn’t helped you earlier so maybe you should take it slow. Steve made his way over to the table and threw his drink back, the liquid trickling down the side of his face before he wiped it away. Sam won the second point.

   “I play winner,” Tony chimed, standing beside Steve.

   You made a point to catch up and now you two were tied at three each. 

   “Best out of five?” You proposed, quirking an eyebrow at Sam.

   “If you didn’t want to play anymore you could’ve just said that,” he teased and you smirked at him as Tony made a subtle show of handing you another drink and you finished your second. “Loser takes two shots?”

   “Deal.” You nodded, knowing you didn’t have much of a choice as a small crowd began to form around you two. Rumlow amongst them. 

   Your jaw dropped when Sam shot the ball directly into your goal as soon as he’d let the ball go.

   “What the fuck?” You shouted, “No fair! That doesn’t count!”

   Thor erupted in laughter to your right and you blinked slowly, staring at the gargantuan man. 

   “It most certainly does,” Sam shouted back, his grin practically touching his ears.

   “Sam, take it easy on her,” Bucky muttered from beside him, quickly averting his gaze from yours and his expression loosened, “The brat hates losing,”

   “Brat?” You snarled.

   Bucky took a swig of his beer, watching you the entire time and you reeled back the fire beginning to form in your chest just to bring your drink up to your lips and chug the entire thing down. You handed it over to Tony who left to replace it. 

   “Last point,” Sam stated, “It’s not too late to quit now,”

   You shook your head and blinked away the feign distortion you were supposed to have. “Just play the ball,”

   “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he teased and threw the ball in. 

   You wanted to win. Desperately. But you had a character to play tonight and she was supposed to be drunk. So you hit your hand against the corner of the table just as Sam happened to make the winning point. You grumbled and threw him a glare when Tony broke through the crowd.

   “Coming through,” he shouted, handing two small glasses to you while you gripped your knuckles in pain. “Noooo, you’re not getting out of taking these. C’mon, take your punishment,”

   “Yes, Daddy,” you grumbled and cringed at your own words when the realization hit you. Whatever. You were supposed to be drunk, anyway. 

   “Daddy?” Tony quipped and pulled the drinks back towards himself, “Maybe you should be cut off,”

   “What?” You argued, leaning slightly on the table with your hand and snatching the drinks from Tony’s hold, effectively spilling some on yourself. “See?” You lifted up the half empty shot glass, “This barely counts as a shot,”

   “I’ll get her a new one,” Rumlow offered and disappeared before anyone could argue. 

   “She really doesn’t need another-” Bucky tried to interject and take the shots from you but you twisted around and chugged down the one full glass.

   Water.

   You looked up at Tony and his smirk was barely noticeable. But you could tell. Bucky nearly ripped the other drink from you but Tony blocked his path and you exaggerated your next drink as Rumlow broke back into the crowd, shot in tow.

   “Here.” Rumlow’s calloused hand held the drink up above you and you stared at him with a questioning look. “Open,” he ordered and the fire burning in your chest fought to destroy everything in its vicinity. You bit your lip in refrain but tossed your head back and opened your mouth.

   Static broke over your earpiece. Don’t drink that! Wanda’s voice erupted.

   Your eyes widened as the liquid made its way down but you coughed hard to stop whatever you could. 

   Why? Steve’s voice came through right after.

   You choked on the liquid and shut your eyes at the way it burned its way down. You reached your hand out to grab someone’s drink to ease the burning and grasped a tall glass and tossed it back. The burning didn’t ease up and you felt a hand rest on your back.

   “Are you okay?” Rumlow’s voice rang out and your skin nearly recoiled from the contact, “How about we get you some water?”

   You looked up at him when the burning subsided minimally and nodded your head, letting him lead the way to the bar. He parted the crowd and someone took step right behind you to follow when the presence suddenly died out abruptly. You turned around to check who it had been and found no one.

   Why? Steve asked again.

   Where’s Wanda? Bruce broke through.

   You lifted your head and flitted your gaze around the room until you found the familiar Sokovian on the couch, laying down with her eyes closed. You pulled away from Rumlow but his grip on your hand tightened and his steps grew in haste. You whirled your head to yell at him but the way the room swayed with the movement cause you to shut your mouth in surprise. 

   Didn’t Tony say you would have a higher tolerance?

   “Couch...” you muttered, pointing over your shoulder just in case your target was curious enough to ask but the message was delivered.

   Rumlow hoisted you up onto the bar stool and stood on your open side, using his body to keep you from falling over. Or to cage you in.

   “I don’t feel good,” You rested an elbow on the countertop and held your head up.

   “I can’t imagine you would. You’ve been chugging those drinks like they’re water.” Despite that, Rumlow motioned to the bartender and asked for two more.

   You giggled and your head lulled forward with the action. You let Rumlow catch you from tumbling over. Why did your body feel so heavy? Not to mention the way everything around you dazed about. You couldn’t catch a single action, let alone attempt to read Rumlow’s body language. But you did happen to notice the way his eyes searched the room before coming back to you.

   “You okay?” You rested your forearm against his chest and pushed slightly to allow yourself a better view of his face.

   A small smirk, “Am I okay? What about you?”

   You smacked your lips and brought the ice cold glass to your lips. That’s not water. “I’m doing reeaalllyy good,” you drawled.

   Rumlow chuckled and pushed you deeper into the chair, “I can tell.” He took a sip, his attention never faltering from your body, “Just be sure to pace yourself from here on out,”

   You made a show of cocking your head to the side and letting a smile sprawl onto your face as you studied him. 

   “What?” he questioned, a curious lift in his brow.

   You shook your head gently and kept your gaze on him over the brim of your glass, “You’re just . . . not what I was expecting,”

   “And what were you expecting?” 

   Don’t forget to bat your eyelashes. “Worse,”

   “Sorry to disappoint,” he jeered, his attention once again cast throughout the room before centering back on you.

   You followed his action but quickly came to the conclusion that moving any pace faster than a sloth was going to make you nauseous and you could barely keep a thought together. Your stomach began to rise in your chest and the fear seized your throat shut. Why couldn’t you hold onto a thought for longer than a second? It was like you were aware of your lack of consciousness but could do nothing about it because any thought or bout of panic phased through just as soon as it arrived.

   “What are you so tense for, Rumlow? You know you’re not currently on the clock, right?” You teased, your head leaning on your shoulder as you spoke.

   He brought his drink up to his lips and finished it off in three gulps, “I’m not tense. It’s just hard to turn it off sometimes,”

   You nodded slowly and pushed your drink towards him, “Relax. You know everyone here,”

   He shook his head and placed your drink back in front of you before asking for another beer.

   “And two shots!” You shouted to the bartender, throwing two of your fingers high up and instantly regretting how fast you’d done it.

   “Are you trying to get me drunk?” He asked you, a side smirk beginning to form.

   You placed your finger over your lips and hushed, “Shh, I won’t tell if you don’t.” You dragged your lower lip down and his eyes fixated to commit the scene to memory. “Besides, I always feel dumb if I’m the only one drunk,”

   He motioned to the rest of the party, “Believe me, Sugar, you’re not the only one enjoying yourself,”

   “But are you?” 

   “Am I what?” 

   “Enjoying yourself?” 

   Your skin crawled when he placed his rough hand on your barren thigh, “Absolutely,”

   Don’t forget what you’re here for. Don’t let the objective slip. Gods, how the fuck were you supposed to retain anything when you were so sleepy? And why was it so warm?

   “Hot,” you mumbled, fishing around in your glass for an ice cube to rub on your face.

   “Thank you,”

   You threw your head back in laughter and nearly earned yourself an up-close and personal view of the floor had Rumlow not wrapped an arm around your waist and held you steady. Once he was certain you weren’t going to toss yourself onto the ground, he parted your legs and stood between them to keep you rooted to your seat.

   All the movement had you spinning and you white-knuckled Rumlow’s cotton shirt to keep yourself grounded to something, anything. Red warning lights were firing up in your chest and you tensed with the way your body buckled to the panic coursing through you. Your heart pounded in your ears and danced across your skin, lighting it on fire and making the room too stuffy to bear. Please, no. Not now. Focus. Snap out of it. Come back, stay back. Your breathing hitched and you looked down at the sensation crawling its way up higher on your thigh. Too hot. Everything was too hot, if you didn’t get out of this now you would never-

   “Vision!” You cheered, happy to see your friend.

   The presence on your thigh recoiled slightly.

   “I’m taking Wanda to her room, seems she’s had a bit too much to drink,” Vision informed and you’d only just then noticed the body in his hold.

   “Wanda!” You smiled, admiring her peaceful features as she slept in his arms. You poked at her cheek then jerked your gaze back up to Vision. “What? Wanda doesn’t drink,”

   She’s not acting, Sam’s voice erupted in your ear and you flinched at the sound. 

   Vision’s eyes went from you to Rumlow then back to you slowly, “Y/N . . . are you okay?”

   You beamed at him and slowly brought up your thumb. “Good,” you responded.

   You followed Vision’s gaze back up to Rumlow and smiled at the agent beside you. You guess he’s kind of cute. In a strange, unsettling way.

   “She’s had a lot to drink, so we’re just trying to slow down the pace. Aren’t we, Y/N?” Rumlow looked down at you.

   You nodded fervently, “Yup!” 

   Vision hesitated but knew he didn’t pose much of a threat with Wanda in his arms unconscious, so he quirked a smile and walked towards the hall.

   Someone get to Y/N, something’s not right, Vision ordered and you lifted your head up to find him. You could have sworn he just left.

   “Here.” Rumlow handed you a glass, “Drink this, it’ll cool you down,” 

   You stared at the glass in his hold and looked up at him, “You drink it first,” you slurred, holding your finger up at him.

   He cocked his head to the side but took a swig of the drink and you watched it go down his throat. You shrugged and grabbed at it.

   Do not drink that, Nat ordered from somewhere and you looked around in wonder at who she was yelling to.

   Bucky, Sit down! Steve growled.

   Like hell, responded a voice you knew all too well.

   Your smile grew and you looked through the crowd, “Bucky!” You feverishly called, completely expecting to see him before you. Rumlow’s head lifted instantly, his eyes scouring the area.

   “I’ve got this, Pretty Boy,” Tony hastily spoke, “How ya doin’, Hot Stuff?” He interrogated and you reeled at the tone.

   “Quite well, thank you,” you responded tenaciously and attempted to take a swig of the drink in your grasp.

   Tony’s hand shot out and covered the top, slamming the cup back down on the counter and effectively getting the drink all over your dress.

   “What the fuck?” You tried to shout but the words came out heavy and required too much energy to speak.

   “You’ve had enough for tonight,”

   “It’s just water,” Rumlow defended but Tony paid him no mind.

   Your jaw dropped open and you glared at the older man. Who the hell did he think he was? Tony’s stare burned through your skull and despite your irritation, you couldn’t help but wonder why he was so pissed.

   “Are you mad at me?” You drawled, lulling your head to the side.

   “No,” he responded curtly. 

   “Am I being too loud or something?” You pushed. You couldn’t imagine you were any louder than any other drunken bastard at this party.

   “No,”

   Get her out of there or I swear to God I will, his voice hissed into your ear.

   Your eyebrows rose slightly in excitement, “Mmm, Bucky,” you smiled and Tony nodded.

   “’Mmm, Bucky’ is right. Wanna go see him?” Tony offered, sticking out his hand for you to take.

   You fell forward into Rumlow’s chest but shook your head furiously none the less, “For what? So he can tell me I’m horrendous at my-”

   Oh shit. Your job. The job.

   If only your body didn’t feel so heavy and your mind so light.

   You pushed off Rumlow’s chest and glared at Tony, “I can handle myself,” you insisted, a new sort of sober tone making its way through that caused him to do a once-over. “I know what I’m doing,”

   “How many drinks have you had?” Tony challenged and you fell silent.

   Then you felt a tap, and another and a few more.

   “Six,” You said, hoping you’d counted right.

   Tony, don’t you even fucking consider it, Bucky threatened.

   “You could at least change, recuperate and then come back,” Tony offered and you sighed a breath of relief before nodding.

   “Deal,” you agreed, “I’m hot anyway,”

   Tony gave you one last glance before turning around and blending into the crowd on the other end of the room.

   You looked up to Rumlow who’s gaze was still locked on the sea of people, “Don’t you wish you’d taken that shot now?” you tried to jeer, every last word bringing you deeper and deeper.

   “Are they always that intense?” He questioned, not turning his attention to you.

   “They can be over-bearing,” you admitted, hand grabbing the water from earlier and pressing it up against your forehead, “They consider me the baby so they’re always criticizing and suffocating until I just wished they’d disappear.” You took a gulp, “Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the family and I like that I have a cause but . . . they don’t let me do anything. It’s exhausting,”

   You let out a long breath and smeared the condensation from the glass onto your chest. Rumlow studied you then, not just your body but your reaction. He was watching how you dropped your shoulders at the confession and how you faced your back to them to block them out. 

   You plastered your torso on the countertop and tried to slow your heartrate down. You couldn’t be the only one here unfathomably hot.

   “Why is it so fucking hot?” You questioned, fanning yourself weakly.

   “There are a lot of people around,” Rumlow offered, “how about we go somewhere else? Tony did say you had to change,”

   You peered up at him through half-lidded eyes and meekly groaned in compliance. “Fine,”

   You lifted yourself away from the counter and gently placed your feet on the floor. You’d touched the ground faster than anticipated. Had the ground always been so close?

   “Don’t worry, I gotcha.” Rumlow threw an arm around your waist and helped you trudge towards the elevator.

   Where the hell are you going? Bucky yelled and the sound of shuffling could be heard from his end.

   We can’t let you leave with Rumlow, Y/N. We’re not even sure you’re acting anymore, Sam stated.

   Rumlow pressed the button when you couldn’t muster the strength to do it yourself. The level that your room was on lit up and the doors began closing. You thought you saw Rumlow wave at someone but the mock smile on his face didn’t make it seem like a warm good-bye.

   Your legs had all but given out by the time the elevator reached your shared floor. 

   “Heavy,” you muttered, letting Rumlow carry your weight fully.

   “I know, Sugar. We’re almost there,” he soothed and you conceded to the fatigue wearing you down.

   Your head hung low and your arm dangled uselessly at your side. The familiar sound of your door sliding open caught your attention but you did nothing. You couldn’t. 

   “How . . . know . . . my room?” You questioned, each word causing you to pull from an empty well of energy.

   “I’ve been here before.” Rumlow tossed you onto the bed and sprawled you out.

   “Oh. Ok.” You tried to turn on to your side but strong hands gripped down onto your ankles.

   Rumlow sighed and slipped the heels off your feet, examining the pair like he wanted to wear them. You extended your feet until you felt every muscle in your leg stretch to its capacity and let out a groan of pleasure at the release. Those shoes hurt so bad.

   “You seem . . . intelligent, Y/N.” Rumlow dropped your shoes onto the floor and slithered to the side of your bed, standing beside it with his hands tucked into his pockets.

   A bead of sweat trickled down your forehead, “Hot . . .” you croaked and he nodded.

   “You’re right. It is getting kind of hot.” He brought a hand up to his neck and ripped off the tie hanging around it.

   Get the fuck out of my way, a growl erupted in your ear.

   We’re going with you, Buck, Steve responded before knocking something over.

   “So, what I have a hard time understanding is. . . why you’re here?” 

   You groaned a weak ‘huh’ but even that didn’t sound right.

   “You’re good at what you do, you finish every mission successfully and yet you’re underappreciated.” He took a seat at the foot of your bed and placed one of your legs into his lap, “Why do you allow them to treat you like that? We wouldn’t,”

   The shuffling in your earpiece halted.

   “We?” 

   He began to massage your calf and brought your knee up to his lips, peppering light kisses on it. “We could use someone with your skillset, babe. We’d take real good care of you,”

   The shuffling started again.

   Rumlow had made his way onto your thigh at this point and you let out an involuntary moan when he skimmed over a delicate part on your inner knee.

   “Ya like that?” he questioned but didn’t wait for a response. He brought a hand up to his temple and grabbed the earpiece. You figured he just hadn’t taken it out from his earlier shift but when he pulled it apart, you understood why he always kept it on him.

   “Flash . . . drive earpiece?” Your weak tone tilted a little. “W-why tell . . .”

   “I figured I’d give you the option to leave since you seem so . . . suffocated. If you said yes tonight then I would remind you tomorrow. If you didn’t,” he chuckled, “well, you wouldn’t remember anyway.” His hands trailed to your mid-thigh and you squeaked. “I’m impressed though, I’ve never given anyone else as much as I’ve given you tonight. The drug usually works so quickly on others, but not you. It’s kind of hot, actually,”

   Sick fuck, Natasha growled through a ragged breath.

   The world around you was slow or maybe it was you that was slow? You couldn’t tell, honestly. But when Rumlow moved as if he could predict your actions before you could make them, you wondered whether you were moving at all.

   “Don’t worry, it’ll be over soon,” Rumlow sighed.

   You shook your head, or thought you did but despite the way your body was live-wired, it remained still against all desire. 

   Fight. Move. 

   You managed to push your legs shut but his hand slithered between and spread them open similar to opening a door, but this required much less force.

   “Kill,” You threatened and the sinister smile that crawled its way onto Rumlow’s face was vile enough to sink your heart into your stomach.

   “Kill is fucking right.” Someone snarled and your door was ripped from its hinges.

   Rumlow’s hand jerked away from your body and Bucky seized his open palm, intertwining their fingers and pushing Rumlow’s so far back that they touched the back of his own hand. The cracks were sickening onto themselves but had you not been so weak you would’ve turned from the sight altogether. You really couldn’t fathom how his fingers were still attached at all.

   “Lay another hand on her and you won’t be able to use it again.” Bucky spit.

   Despite Rumlow’s pain, the sinister smile remained sprawled on his face, “You should’ve heard the noises she made,”

   Bucky’s grip tightened and the bones in his palm broke next, “I did,”

   Natasha flew in right behind Barnes but completely dismissed the two and headed straight for you with a needle in hand. Your eyes shifted from the needle to Nat’s face and back again until she stabbed it into your upper arm. Ouch. 

   “Wha-”

   “Shh,” Natasha hastily hushed, “Keep your strength, you should be back to normal soon,”

   Steve came behind Nat and scooped you up to lead you out of the havoc going on in the room. Nat turned her focus to Bucky and reached over to grab the earpiece from Rumlow. Who knows if his nose will ever heal back normally. You held one finger in the air as Steve stepped over the splintered door.

   “Goddamit, Y/N,” Steve huffed, jogging towards the elevator and pressing the floor that led to the infirmary.

   “We won,” you croaked out, a small smile on your face and Steve shook his head.

   “I’m never going to hear the end of this,” 

   Steve looked you up and down for bruises but couldn’t find any and you promised you weren’t lying to him when you told him Rumlow did not get very far in his ‘advances’ at all. You had to swear the mid-thigh was the worst that it came to. 

   Bruce was the one that took a few blood samples and made sure everything was reversing back to normal. Apparently, as soon as Rumlow took you to the bar Tony handed Banner the shot glass that Rumlow gave you and Banner ran analysis on it. The cure was pretty easy to find.

   After being given strict orders to lie down for the next hour or so, it had been decided that Rumlow was to be turned in considering all the evidence required to make the arrest was in the flashdrive and everyone was to gather together for a ‘family night’. Whatever the hell that meant.

   You were in the middle of debating which movie to pick with Steve when the infirmary doors flew open.

   “Where is she?” Bucky nearly shouted upon seeing Bruce.

   “That’s my cue.” Steve stood up just as Bucky rounded the corner, “If you need anything me and Banner will be right over there,”

   You smiled and thanked him then turned your attention to the super-soldier who just arrived at the foot of your bed.

   He didn’t say anything for a while, just looked at you. No, not really. Not at you but through you. A few painstakingly slow seconds went by that way.

   “You owe me a new door,” you joked, a half-smile on your face.

   “Are you okay?” He asked, finally registering your presence.

   You nodded slowly, “I am,”

   Then a few more seconds.

   Bucky turned his gaze down to his hands, both of them barren and on display for the world to see, before shifting his weight between either foot, “Did he- did he touch you?”

   “Not really. Just really liked my legs for some reason,” your attempt at another quip didn’t reach Bucky. He stared back up at you waiting for an answer, an honest one. You sighed, “The damage is more mental,” you admitted, now you were the one not able to look up, “I didn’t like being in this altered state of mind. It’s invasive and . . . scary. He could’ve done things, much worse things but it never got that far or that bad. It was more realizing that I wasn’t completely conscious or present and having that state of mind be taken advantage of, that mostly frightened me. Ya know?”

   “More than anyone,” he answered immediately.

   You looked back up towards him, finally making eye contact, “But I’m fine now, really. Just a little spooked. Steve wants to do a movie night tonight and I would actually prefer that over being alone.” Your eyes fixated on the way his hands clenched and unclenched on the bar by your feet, “If I’m alone then I’ll get stuck in my head about it. Besides, I consider this a hard victory with a few bumps in the road,” 

   He chuckled, lulling his head a bit, “You’re too stubborn for your own good,”

   You shrugged, “Maybe. How’s Rumlow?”

   Bucky hissed and moved over to the side of the bed where he took a seat, “He’s unconscious. And has a hand that he’ll never be able to use again. But other than that, he’s fine,”

   You chuckled and Bucky watched how the laugh met your eyes. He liked that look on you. It was one of his favorites.

   “Why are you looking at me like that?” You questioned once it fell silent between you two again.

   “You called me Bucky earlier,” he remembered.

   You scoffed, “I call you Bucky all the time,”

   “Not to my face,”

   “Not to your face,” you agreed, a teasing smile dancing on your lips and Bucky had one that mirrored yours. 

   “It was nice. Hearing it, I mean,” he admitted and a wave of warmth made its way to your face.

   “I see your hands are exposed,”

   He looked down as though he weren’t aware that he’d taken off his own gloves, “These bad boys? A friend of mine reminded me that I’m not my past. I’m my present. Why hide my growth?”

   You twiddled your thumbs together, “She sounds smart,”

   Now he scoffed, “Oh, it wasn’t a girl, it was some old buddy of mine.” He quirked up a brow, “Unless the person being a girl would make you jealous because in that case it was most definitely a girl,”

   You fought against the natural tug at the corners of your mouth, “Is she at least pretty?”

   “Stunning,” 

   “Smart?”

   “Genius,”

   “Good at her job?”

   “Amongst the best,”

   “Then consider me jealous, Barnes,”

   Bucky chuckled and you watched how the laugh met his eyes. You liked that look on him. It was one of your favorites.

[i-like-sparkly-things]

Right in front of you

A Halstead!sister

Jay held a strong grip on your upper arm as he led you out to the school hall. "What the hell was that Y/N? Are you happy now? God.... I can't believe you cheated!" he sneered, "EYES UP HERE Y/N!! "

"I'm sorry" you sighed, locking eyes with Jay, silently praying that he would let this go. It was only one time anyway. It wasn't a big deal.

But he let out a hollow laugh, "Thirty percent, Y/N, THIRTY PERCENT. You're going to have to do better than a half-ass apology. What exactly are you sorry for? Huh? For cheating? Or being caught?"

Requested : Yes by @study-coffee-chicago : They found out she cheated on a test in high school...and Jay's the one who has to pick her up.

Warnings : angry!Jay (lots of it), alcohol, swearing, anxiety attacks

Note : I am so so so sorry this so longg 😭 I ended up so far away from the actual request kayela please don't block mee 😭 butt I've learned alot in writing abt active and passive voices and using more imagery Yayy!! I'm so glad that yall are ok with my grammar thank uu🥺

MASTERLIST HERE

The piles of homework and flashcards you needed to memorize had no end in sight, and now that Will was taking nightshifts along with his usual double shifts, and intelligence was tracking down an underground drug cartel, you spent most days alone, allowing your mind to engulf you.

Every time you sat down to study, you felt a striking pain in your chest. In mere seconds the air was sucked out of your lungs and you found yourself panting, desperate to get oxygen back into your body.

You would be surrounded by books and worksheets and you could swear the walls of your room were closing in towards you, trapping you in a sea of incomplete work.

You failed to follow the schedules and to do lists you had made for yourself. Staring at them, hoping the essays would write themselves.

All you needed, was a break. A moment to relax from anything and everything.

So when your best friend mentioned that her brother used to drink a little before he appeared for an exam, your mind was quick to catch on.

Last night you had borrowed a little bit of beer from Jay's stash of alcohol and took a few sips of it as you studied.

The more you drank, the less bitter it became. It was a weird, new sensation, but it worked nonetheless.

Except now, you were sitting in the girls bathroom at school, ramaging through your notes, trying to recollect what you had learned yesterday.

You saw what you had underlined and highlighted— names in pink and important dates in yellow—but your mind came up blank.

Flipping the pages you saw people in wigs, and castles burning to the ground —None of which you recognized.

A wave of anxiety rippled through you unable to comprehend your next thought —you were going to fail.

Your head was throbbing as you ran a hand down face, massaging your temples trying to calm yourself down.

You took out your water bottle that you had filled with beer and swallowed a few gulps, hoping that it would help you think straight.

You groaned, feeling the sting of alcohol at the back of your throat, popping some mints into your mouth, you ran towards the exam hall.

***

Your foot bounced on the polished wood floors as sweat pooled on your forehead.

You thought you were careful —only taking a peek from your friends answer sheet when Mrs.Ling's back was facing you.

Everything would have worked out if it wasn't for that kid sitting behind you. In a split second your teacher turned around, when he dropped his pen, to see you peering over your partner's desk.

Now you were sitting in the principles office praying that Jay wouldn't be the one picking you up.

You could already imagine his anger at you for pulling him away from his case, only to find you cheated.

Unfortunately luck was not on your side today.

You dare not look at Jay as he entered the office, letting out a huff as he sat down. You could feel the rage emitting him, tension filling the room, as he burned holes looking at you.

"I'll get straight to the point" Your principal started.

"Please" Jay growled, struggling to contain himself. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, when he got the call saying that you had cheated on your midterms.

You and Will were alike,at least he thought so, both good at science and math but weak at geography and history. Nonetheless you continued to secure good grades for the most part.

"Y/n here, was caught cheating from a classmates answer sheet. Our teacher caught her red handed. I truly did not expect this from you. These midterms cost thirty percent of your grade..... "

Pretty soon his voice was muffled like he was getting farther and farther away from you. His figure swayed in front of you as you squinted your eyes to keep him in the center of your vision.

" You are suspended, Mrs halstead"

Your eyes widened , your body choosing the perfect time to bring out what little beer you had taken when you heard those words, letting the alcohol mix with the adrenaline.

"WHAT??!! " Damn, alcohol really bought out your courage as Jay stared at you in shock at your audacity.

"Y/n, your lucky I'm letting you retake the exam. That's only because you've had a clean record so far. I strongly suggest you start preparing early Ms. halstead" your principal said in a firm but monotone voice that left you speechless.

Jay held a strong grip on your upper arm as he led you out to the school hall. "What the hell was that Y/N? Are you happy now? God.... I can't believe you cheated!" he sneered, "EYES UP HERE Y/N!! "

Oh god. Every now and then, the ground would sway beneath you, tiles shifting in your vision. But you counted your steps, carefully putting one foot in front of the other, not wanting Jay to find out what else you had done........ until now.

You tilted your head, only to be met with your brother's piercing stare but little did he know, now it made it infinitely harder to concentrate on your walking.

"I'm sorry" you sighed, locking eyes with Jay, silently praying that he would let this go. It was only one time anyway. It wasn't a big deal.

But he let out a hollow laugh, "Thirty percent, Y/N, THIRTY PERCENT. You're going to have to do better than a half-ass apology. What exactly are you sorry for? Huh? For cheating? *Or being caught?*"

***

You rested your head on the seat as Jay entered the truck, flinching, when he slammed the door shut. Your pounding headache was getting worse by the minute, as your ears started to ring.

You blinked a few times squinting to focus on the road ahead of you but the fast-moving cars and the loud horns made you feel like your head was going to explode.

"Y/n," he addressed you, much calmer now.

You forced yourself to turn to your brother, who wore a confused expression.

But the moment he saw your deshelfed hair and your cracked lips, a wave of worry crashed over him. What the hell?

The truck came to a stop at a red light and Jay immediately scanned you over "Y/n?" he grabbed your chin, his jaw dropping, as he came face to face with reality.

"Are you drunk!!?" he barked , steam basically pouring out of his ears.

But your pleading eyes and empty silence gave him the answer he needed. "Are you kidding me??" he snarled as he slammed the steering wheel.

Oh God no. A blinding pain ripped through your head when Jay's palms made contact with the hard plastic. You winched turning your head away from your furious brother, letting out a whimper.

Jay's eyes widened at the sound, his heart breaking, realizing the pain you were in.

If he was going to be mad at you or at least punish you, you needed to be sober.

He stepped on the pedal as the light turned green taking a few breaths, trying to calm himself down.

With the vice lords reclaiming their territory and selling uncut fentanyl, bodies were dropping all over the city most of them being kids.

Kids..... your age.

Every kid at the morgue, just reminded him of you. He saw parents sobbing, begging for their kids to come back but Jay new better. They were never going to come home. Ever.

So he made it a priority to catch these ruthless creatures. He made it a priority over his sleep, over nine hours shifts and unknown to him, over spending time with you.

"Hey , hey" he whispered, not wanting to hurt you again, "We'll talk about this later ok? for now...... just..... it's ok..... I've got you" here reached out his hand, the other still on the steering wheel, to slowly rub your back as you tried to breath through the pain.

" I got you"

***

Jay wrapped a hand around you allowing you to hold onto him for support.

Silently, he deposited you on the couch, laying you down. He knew that he wasn't in any state to talk to you. He needed to clear his mind from his racing thoughts and rueful images of dying teenagers.

His phone rang, indicating that the district was awaiting him. "Here" he reluctantly shook your shoulders "Y/n, I need to go ok? Will will be here soon"

***

Almost half an hour had passed and you were waiting for Will to get out of the shower. You'd heard Jay explain everything to him over the phone.

You thought about how disappointed he would be.

Will —being the nerd he was— always helped you with your projects and gave you pop quizzes during breakfast, before your exams. He taught you how to organize flashcards just like he did in med school.

Even through your blurry thoughts, the image of Will's betrayed face and embarrassed eyes, knowing you cheated, lingered on your mind.

Your body was all over the place. Tiny noises echoing through your ear. Your muscles simultaneously aching and loose.

You were shivering as you tried to curl up into a ball. Your body trying to hold what little heat it had within itself.

But nothing stopped your tears.

You felt water drops make their way down your cheeks forming small splotches of water on the cushion you laid your head on.

And you didn't bother to wipe them away.

Will more or less was in the same state you were in. There was a multi-vehicle accident on the highway and victims were piling in the ED. He was running from one treatment room to the other, waiting to get back home and crash.

Will walked over to you with a huge glass of water and an advil, gently  nudging you to sit up.

Your head still pounded, your eyes zoning in and out of the figure in front of you "Y/n, here drink the whole glass and take this" Will soothed, placing the glass and the pill in your hand "I—I'm sorry" You whispered, distracting yourself from Will's eyes.

Will knew he should be angry. Just like Jay was but he couldn't bring himself to blaming you, not until he had the full story anyway.

You looked so petite on the enormous couch, your legs folded on top of each other, arms shaking as you drowned the glass of water along with the Advil.

Your red puffy eyes and tear strained cheeks,were a contrast from your usual self. or he thinks. He's been pretty busy lately, so he's not too sure. " We'll talk about it later. I'm not angry. I promise"

He assured and was about to head to bed himself when you grabbed his wrist.

If he wasn't angry at you then maybe— just maybe—he would help you.

"Stay" You pleaded , the word falling from your lips just as easily as it had, many, many times before.

And just like before, you were met with Will's soft brown eyes filled with sympathy, ready to help. Ready—to be by your side.

He's slowly nodded climbing onto the couch, next to you. He wrapped an arm around you and you nestled into him, laying your head on his chest.

You found some comfort as he embraced you, talking you under his arm and encompassing you in his warmth.

Holding on to him, you hoped that he would take your pain away, just like he did when you were little.

***

Will woke up to an uncomfortable feeling of something —or someone—   tugging at his shirt.

He slowly opened his eyes allowing them to adjust to the light as he felt another a tug at his side. He looked over to you, but your eyes were shut, brimming with tears, your arm laid across his chest.

You were holding on to Will , using him as a lifeline, grounding you from the pain.

You felt a hand squeezing your own, stopping you from gripping the fabric "Y/n?" You opened your eyes to look up at will who had tears of his own, staring at the state you were in "it's okay, I'm here, I'm right here"

He encircles you, tighter than before, whispering soothing assurances into your hair.

***

With Will's help, the pain slowly subsides, allowing you access to your thoughts again.

You step out of the shower, into the living room and your eyes widen seeing Jay and Will sitting at the kitchen counter.

You didn't even hear Jay come in, but right now taking in his hardened glare, you didn't dare ask.

You knew what was coming and you didn't fight. You couldn't.

"So apparently we're cheating on our midterms now, huh?" Jay's calm voice made shivers run down your spine, starting to take rapid breaths.

"And apparently, someone thinks it's ok to steal alcohol from my stash" He gritted, never breaking I contact with you. "Do you think that's how the world works Y/n? DO YOU? BECAUSE LAST TIME I CHECKED YOU'RE STILL A FUCKING TEENAGER!!" He spat, his thoughts fuming towards your trembling body.

It was every dieing body flashing before his eyes, as the past months' agony slipped off his tongue.

"Jay" Will's voice was stern, giving a knowing look towards his younger brother and didn't bother to give Jay time to argue with him.

"Y/n, we need to know what's going on"

"With school, with tests with....... everything" he stated giving you a solemn look meaning every word he said, promising himself that he would do whatever it takes to figure out what had been going on.

You sucked in a breath weighing all your options. You didn't want them to think that you needed a babysitter or  that you couldn't take care of yourself.

You knew that they had their own problems to worry about but you couldn't take it anymore.

You hated it.

The feeling of your lungs collapsing, struggling to find air for your body, your stress skyrocketing anytime you sat down to study, never getting any thing done.

All day long you would constantly tell yourself to do your work. Every spare second is spent in making a list of things you want to do but when it was time to actually do those things, your mind wandered and emptied.

You took another deep breath, looking up from your feet, your eyes meeting your brothers.

You spilled the past months events from how alone you were all the time and not being able to concentrate to how you ended up drunk at school and cheating on your midterms.

Tears rolled down your cheeks as you your hands trembled. You stood crying in the middle of the room until you felt a pair of arms around you.

Will placed his hand at the nape of your neck as he stroked your back with the other "Breathe Y/n, just Breathe" He slowly pulled away leading you to the couch.

God, how he wished he could turn back time. Then he'd been more vigilant to notice the changes that had come over you.

You felt the couch dip on both sides but you intently studied your fingers, fumbling with the hem of your shirt and wiped the tears off your face. They were mad. No, they were furious. You knew it.

But for some reason, they weren't showing it. Maybe they were waiting-

"We're not mad"

You without your head around to look at Jay, furrowing your eyebrows in disbelief. Jay? Not mad? HA.

"but I am disappointed though, but that's only because you didn't tell us......

but stealing alcohol was bad too" he added, earning him a glare from Will.

"Y/n, what Jay means is— we could've helped with school . Homework . Tests . Anything, you name it. We will help" he assured, "But how do we know you need help, if you don't tell us?"

You sighed, taking in the weird turn of events that had happened before you. You had wasted all this time, trying to figure out all your problems out, when the answer was right in front of you.

A mountain of guilt now sat on Jay's shoulders, weighing down on him, pushing him deeper into a wormhole of 'if's'.

Maybe if he'd just been a little more careful, this wouldn't have happened.

Maybe if he'd stop and listen to you once in a while, this wouldn't have happened.

While trying to save kids out on the street, he forgot to care for the kid at home. You were his sister, and yet, here you are in front of him, barely keeping yourself together.

But that would change. Right here. *Right now.*

"Y/n," Jay started "If you would have told us how alone and stressed you were feeling.....I would've taken some time off... Maybe we'd watch a movie or something. All you had to do was ask...... And we'll get you the help you need, y/n. You good with that?" he questioned, his anger and frustration dissipating.

You saw your brother, the workaholic detective, wanting to put his job aside, for you .

You were more important to him, than his job—You realized.

" Yea... Yeah, I am"

Will stood up and got another advil with another glass of water. "and maybe you wouldn't end up drunk and cheating on your test" he smirked, crouching in front of you.

"God, I didn't think it would hurt this bad. I am never drinking again!" you smiled , as you drowned the pill.

"See now that's what I like to hear!!" Jay exclaimed, wrapping his arms around you, squeezing you into his chest. You squirmed, trying to get out of his grip, laughing, when you were joined by Will.

You know what? Maybe, things are going to be okay? Ya know?

__________________________

Read more of my fics here!!

Tagging : @girlandthemoon @herecomesthewriterwitch @megaliciab @meyocoko @alkadri-layal

[astranne]

HAIAHWISEN im so excited for school BAUABAISKAIES im literally only excited for science class BAHAHEISNE so in dropping tighnari and collei hcs modern school stuff bc BAUAHSIENWI

Tighnari being a Science teacher makes so much sense totally not because i said so. Tighnari would be a funny teacher tho. Him?? He would make rlly stupid plant jokes cant tell me other wise and other biology jokes too. Maybe even chemist jokes.

Collei would try her ABSOLUTW hardest to be the best in class but i feel like Tighnari would favor her over the others. COLLEI MY BELOVED! Imagine her studying in Tighnari's class and he just bonks her on the head with a plant book (softly) and gives it to her to help.

Tighnari going around class talking and calling the popular student a funny botanical name and waiting to see their reaction (plot twist its on the current topics and he does it to keep them on their toes).

Tighnari wouldnt pull out a pop quiz no, he'd do a pop test and prolly laugh himself to sleep knowing the hell he gave his students. Alternative, he straight up says "fuck it" and give them quizzes suddenly in the middle of lessons in pure spite to mess with them to see if they pay attention.

Collei being the wonder she is, always passes. Tighnari gives her candy and reluctantly gives the orhers candy too.

YK THAT ONE IMAGINE OF "student's tears" WITH THE TEACHER DRINKING IT? THATS TIGHNARI RIGHT THERE!

I dont know but i saw a hc that Albedo and Tighnari would get along and ive clutched onto that. Imagine them studying together in college and losing contact and then getting to know eachother again when they realize they work at the same school.

Tighnari not so subtly adopting Collei, Collei meeting Sucrose, Albedo adopting Sucrose, Sucrose meeting Collei. The Nerd Squad 🫶 My skrunklies in one spot.

-🪶

*takes deep breath*

fischl anon has once again decided to bless us with a masterpiece… i love this sm i can‘t- this brings me so much joy, just all the possibilities and scenarios running in my head…

tighnari is a biology teacher, it's canon now. well, modern au canon, but still. he kinda reminds me of my own biology teacher (he also teaches chemistry, so yes, tighnari will also teach chemistry), who knows the most random shit on earth, all while knowing all, and i mean ALL, plants in our country by heart and many more. this man... still don't know HOW he can remember all of this and know with one look from which region the plant or flower came from, but yeah. thats basically tighnari.

and yes, he will make jokes. he will also always say "i know it's not very interesting when i talk in my boring voice, but i hope you still learn something" (while his voice is just calm and not boring 😭he keeps all the sass very hidden, until it just randomly pops up) he's also the favorite teacher. if you have him in bio and/or chem, you are blessed.

every student he had has his own plant name (in latin too) and he remembers. every. single. one. even students from his first class, which was already years ago. and everyone has another plant name, never the same one. by the end of the semester, students now answer when they're called by their own name, their plant name and said plant name in latin-

COLLEI- i love collei sm and i didn't even start the event yet. (i'm still at the archon quest, who tf made this quest so long?? (not that i'm complaining but it takes so much time...))

collei is his favorite student and also the favorite of everyone else, no discussion.

also, tighnari doing random pop quizes, which are like super hard, is also canon now. he does this to prepare them better for their exams and especially finals, and he prides himself that his students never fail bio/chem (i admit a bit unrealistic, but many students have crushes on him and want to impress him, so they study super hard) not to mention, they always think the exams are really hard, but it's actually rather easy, since they're so used to random hard pop tests. and since said tests always get graded too, everyone pays attention and even revives at home.

tighnari only gives out dextrose. like the dextrose energy bonbons thingies. (i love these sm and my previous math teacher always gave them to us when we remembered the chem formula of glucose (which is C6H12O6 hehe)) and he will always carry these around and when he walks in the classroom to check the papers the students are currently working on, he just gives it to them when they did good. it's like being blessed by god. because tighnari always smiles then. yes. many students have their crush on him. (me too tbh)

OKAY BUT- tighnari seems kinda a sadistic teacher, like why tf would this person be a teacher?? but he's just preparing them for their future, where it's even harder. and he isn't just mean mean, but also nice? like- yeah, everything i just said above lmao. because i have several teachers who drink student tears for breakfast, and he isn't one of them. no way.

yes. albedo and tighnari are teacher besties. albedo probably teaches history. or physics. albedo and tighnari also randomly just join their classes to teach mixed subjects/lessons (like,,, evolution, orrrr idk some random history which involves bio. OH maybe also alchemy classes, but those are like optional classes (you bet those are always full and it's first come, first serve))

sucrose and collei are now best friends because their adoptive nerd dads are best friends too. just... them <3

okay and now that i've seen tighnari and albedo as teachers, lisa is the librarian (ofc she is), jean is the headmistress, barbara is the school nurse and noell is besties with sucrose and collei, since amber dragged her to met them and now we have precious 4 lil nerds. because yes, noelle is a nerd too (she wants to be like jean in this one, which means she wants to be headmistress, which means she has to study hard) and amber is really smart too (even tho most don't really notice with her personality) and since amber is already besties with collei, yeah- we now have sucrose, collei, amber and noelle as the four nerd children of albedo and tignari. they try to deny it but it's useless. everyone knows <3

OKAY THANK YOU SM FOR SENDING THIS!!! i loved this sm, like ugh- just met tighnari, saw some crumbs of him (since i didn't do the story quest yet) and i'm just... i really want to pet his ears :)

sorry this took me a bit longer, but i'm still in pain and just try to sleep the whole day to ignore my pain ._.