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theodora3022 · 4 years ago

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Playing tricks with the trickster

Summary: Failed escape attempt from yandere Childe. He lets you play your cards, even playing along, just for his own amusement.

Notes: My first genshin piece yay... I had a sweet and terrible dream of me running from Childe in the woods. Also some inspiration was drawn from @cinnamonest‘s this post, one big virtual hug to her! I hope I did Childe justice, what can I say I love manipulative smiling boys. It has become a pattern as I dash from one fandom to another. This is had turned out to be longer then I expected...Ginger boy demands my time and energy too much omg. Mind the warnings, although there is nothing extreme in this.

Fun fact, I was looping to Nintendo game by Alessia Cara when writing this down. I believe it fits the theme of this fic quite well.

Tagging: @akutaguagua a great friend who patiently beta-read this mess of a horror dream and gave me lots of kind praises!

(Offical art belongs to miHoYo! This is a cover page of this video, if there is any issues, contact me and I will remove it at once)

Warnings: Implied past abduction,dub-con touching, mild degradation, drugging(not on reader), implied non-con/dub-con at the end, this is not healthy love and I do not condone this irl.

It has been nearly a month since the youngest Fatui Harbinger had “taken you in”. After a few tries, you were too horrified by the punishments to continuously fight him. You learned on the first day that Childe’s smiling, the friendly mask would come off towards you. Your behaviour would decide if that is a curse or a “blessing”.

So you had quieted down, struggling to restrain yourself from yelling or screaming, carefully not to provoke his anger. Despite being compliant to his orders, you never truly showed him any affection either. Sure, you would sit on his lap if he asked, but you never initiated anything intimate with him. No matter how much Tartaglia spoiled you with clothes, books, jewelry or other luxuries, he is still the one who holds the commanding end of your shackles. It’s the best not to get used to all of that when your sight is set on the door.

Although he has taken your freedom away, you are not kept in a windowless room. On the contrary, you have too many outings now. Wherever he goes, you have to be present in a 2m radius, including meetings. Being a Harbinger is no easy job, so he prefers not having to worry about your safetly during buisness hours. The best way to do that is never let you out of his sight.

“Love, no one should witness our little problems. Well, no one alive that is.” Of course you wouldn’t want to put innocent people's lives at stake. You never dared to act out when you two are in public, and no one would bat an eye if a Fatui had taken a lover.

You had taken an emotionless approach towards him. If Childe wants a kiss on the cheek, you’ll give him a quick light peck. If he wants breakfast, you’ll go make some pancakes with the topping he likes. Luckily, Childe had not done anything too extreme yet. If cuddling to sleep does not count as extreme that is. The only time you slipped up is when he suddenly hugs you from behind when you’re cooking.

You thought maybe, just maybe, by being as boring and dull as you could, this bastard might just get tired of you and let you go. Childe only loves the fun of it right? Or maybe it could lower his guard.

Oh, how naive you are. You should have known better than to underestimate a Fatui harbinger. See, this is exactly why he needs to keep you around. Yes, unfortunately for you, Childe loves you, so very much. Speaking to him with a monotone voice isn’t going to alter that fact.

You have been devoid of emotions as of late. While Childe does appreciate fewer screams for the sake of his eardrums, this schemer can sense you are up to something. Perhaps this is the peace before your “storm”(he thought of it more like a drizzle)

You want to play a game? Okay, why not? Childe cannot wait to see what tricks you got on those sleeves. Are you ever getting away? Does an amateur ever win when they play a game with a professional trickster? Never.

Still, nothing bites like a cornered rat. You are no airhead, and he is fully aware of that. Just not as cunning and observent as him, that’s all.

The way you just kept your emotions sealed up is impressive, even to someone like him. Even when he got hansy, you did not flinch and just stared at the corner. Childe can only catch faint glimpses of anger when you thought he wasn’t looking.

Hm, when are you pulling your trigger? Tonight, or tomorrow night? Not that Childe is impatient, anything from you is worth waiting. But he would need to dismiss his patrolling underlings in the nearby woods beforehand. No extras would be allowed to disturb this game.

There is no chance during the day, a somewhat mutual understanding for you two. Night time in comparison, is a different story.

Anyone’s sleeping hours is their most vulnerable time of the day, Childe is no exception. You do not plan to harm him, not that you don’t want to. But you are willing to swallow the pent up frustration towards him if you would never see his face again after this. Maybe beating up some slimes would help with the release?

You somehow managed to slip a mixture of herbs into his tea. Since he would buy cooking ingredients for you from time to time, you had requested a bunch of herbs along with the ingredients of a sleep inducing medicine you remembered. Although Childe does all he can to keep you near him, there are inevitable hours that he needs to be somewhere without you. He cannot jeopardize your safety with troublesome monsters. On a side note, he loves showing you off to anyone, his colleagues, acquaintances, business partners, anyone he does not deem a threat.

Enough time for you to make those herbs into powder and cover it up with a few spoons of milk. Tea with milk has become quite popular in Liyue as of late. Childe has grown to love them, so you have learned how to mix it up. He always let you handle his food and drinks, saying that he “trusts you”. What you do not know is this is one of the openings he exposed on purpose. It’s not like you can aquire anything deadly under his suffocating supervision.

Your plan will work, or so you think. Childe will not wake up when you wiggle out of his grasp, because dreamland will keep him occupied. All you need is a glider and a usable sword from Liyue and you’ll get your life back. Bottling up extreme emotions has certainly taken a toll on your mind, but it will be worth it if that is the prerequisite of being free.

Something about this being so easy sits ill with you. Have you really been with the youngest Fatui Harbinger this whole time? But that was brushed off your shoulders by the sheer excitement of regaining your long lost freedom. You know Liyue is in walking distance, all you need to do is cross these woods and-

The moment you dive into the forest, you think you heard an amused chuckle.

That smooth voice terrifies you to no end, the same voice you took orders from for the past month.

Oh, how Childe loves seeing you happy. It’s priceless, both literally and figuratively. No matter how many things he buys you, you had not shown him even one small smile. Enjoy your sweet freedom, because it ain’t going to last. You certainly will know your place after this right? If not you are just dumber then he give you credit for.

That glow of relief in your eyes is worth every last bit of this intense dizzying feeling to Childe. To make sure your plan go through, he had drunk the tea without hesitation, quick enough to catch the momentarily excitement you expressed. He knows the game is on, therefore he had given the night patrol guards the entire evening off. Forcing himself to stay concious by digging his nails into his palms, Childe followed you into the woods.

Your potion is quite strong. Excellent, you’ll have to give him the recipe for informational purposes later. Especially how you managed to achieve such effects with a few herbs you had. He never took you to be anything less than a smart girl, but this has exceeded his expectations. Where’s the fun in a game without challenges?

How you storm through the forest wearing that cute terrified expression looks so endearing, it’s surely not his fault if he wants to enjoy this sight to be longer right.

So, each time you feel the slightest at ease due to whatever reason, expect Childe to make some sound to send you running like your life depends on it again. The sadistic man is hunting you down playfully, like a cat chasing a stray mouse to the inevitable corner.

You know he is toying with you. There is nothing you can do to make him shut up though.

“Love, you had scratched your leg. Must hurts by the looks of it.”

“Liyue is that way, you know.”

“Are you tired? If you want to jog in the middle of the night, you should have called me to come along!”

How can he say those things nonchalantly while you are trying to escape from him? Here he is, daunting you with that signature smile he wears so very often. That is when reality slaps you right in the face. No matter how hard you plan, no matter how fast you run, there is no getting rid of him.

When your stamina runs out, a simple pull and push on your left wrist is enough to let you fall onto the ground panting. Even now, you still refuse to beg for mercy. You would take the cold grounds to the warmth of Childe’s embrace anyday.

“Aw, burnt out already? Pathetic. Looks like we need to work on your stamina more. But this is not the place for exercise.”

“Look at me.” His slender but forceful fingers tilt your head up, making you look into those ocean blue orbs. There is anger present in his eyes, but those emotions are more a mixture of delight and that. His smile had also been replaced by a mocking smirk. “You, trying to leave me? Your sense of humor is...well, let’s just call it unique. Lucky for you, you amused me nonetheless.”

“I know what you’re thinking. How I’m a selfish jerk and you hate me. Why be so ungrateful? You get to live in luxury thanks to me, you know. I am selfish, yes, but look how stupid you are. I know you added something extra in my evening tea, my beloved.”

“Come now, we are going to do some exercises suited for a night like this once we’re back home. It is our one month milestone, after all. You had already given me your gift, it is only fair for you that I do the same.”

Childe is not making a sarcastic remark. The thrill of that chase was the best fun he had in months. And you are going to love his gift too, maybe not right away, but surely sometimes after.

You have to mentally prepare yourself for the worst as he dragged you back to the prison, hopefully you’ll still be able to walk properly after whatever Childe got in store.

#yandere #yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin #yandere childe x reader #yandere childe #yandere tartaglia #this is a dream fleshed out into a fic #i am not sorry

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kireijae · 4 years ago

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rock, paper, scissors- n.jm

summary: some cute cabin weekend fluff!

genre: best friends to lovers au, fluff, humor

warnings: swearing, mention of throw up

words: 2,496

a/n: i’ve read quite a few like cabin weekend fics and so i thought i’d write my own! also i definitely don’t think hyuck would act like this irl i just needed some crack energy in this thing.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

You huffed as you opened the creaky wooden door to the cabin. The air inside was slightly musty and all the windows and curtains were closed upon first glance.

You dragged yours and Haechan’s luggage (he’d won one of the rounds of rock paper scissors in the car ride over) into the cabin, setting it down on the first surface you found.

You turned around to find a very pale looking Haechan who was standing in the doorway, “You look like shit.”

“I breathed,” Haechan whined and pathetically stomped his foot on the ground, “But to be honest I do feel horrible.”

“Yeah, it’s from the fucking milk you drank,” came Jaemin’s voice from the doorway behind Haechan, “I told you not to drink the random milk you found in my car.”

“I lost rock, paper, scissors! I had to do it!”

“You suggested it, though,” you quipped, opening the curtains in the living room, “I told you it was a bad idea. And now you’re going to be sick the rest of the trip.”

“You sound like my mom,” Haechan retorted, lying down on the old brown couch, face squished against the leather.

“Yeah, I feel like her too,” you said, brows furrowing as you looked out the window, “Guys I think that storm is gonna be worse than they said...”

“Hm?” Jaemin made his way behind you to look out the window as well. The clouds were dark and sagging on the horizon and the wind seemed to be picking up fast.

“I’ll tell the others not to come unless we say so, they might get caught in the storm,” said Jaemin, his eyes still trained on the clouds as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“Eomma! We’re gonna die in here!” wailed Haechan, a smile immediately replacing the distressed look on his face when you glared at him.

“You said this place had a backup generator,” you said, sitting down on the couch next to him.

“It does, my grandma had someone around here come make sure it was working the other day,” as soon as Haechan finished his sentence his face scrunched up in disgust.

“You are not about to throw u-“

Haechan interrupted Jaemin’s words when he jumped up and ran down the corridor to what you assumed was the bathroom.

Jaemin tried to hide the giant smile that was pushing at his lips as you facepalmed.

“Why did you have that milk in your car anyway?” you looked up at him in question.

“Well it was strawberry flavoured, so I’m pretty sure it’s not even mine,” Jaemin said seriously.

You sighed and stood up to go check on Haechan. You found him lying starfish on a bed in the only room with an ensuite bathroom.

“You okay now?” you asked, sitting beside him and placing your hand on his forehead.

“I think the milk was a bad idea,” he said, not looking you in the eyes.

“Yeah, bub, I think so too,” you tried your hardest not to laugh at him, “Get under the covers I’ll bring you some water.”

After getting Haechan some water and finding him asleep when you got back, you and Jaemin settled in, each choosing the last two rooms with a double bed.

It was 7pm and the storm had already started knocking at the windows of the cabin. Your nerves were beginning to shake and gitter along with the trees outside. You tried to calm yourself down by watching some videos on your phone, but when a knock came from the door to your room, you jumped.

“Y/n?” you saw Jaemin’s wide eyes and glossy black hair peaking out from behind the door, “Will you help me make the bibimbap?”

You felt your heart beating in your chest from the fright you’d gotten, “Yeah sure, what do you need me to do?”

The two of you walked down the passage together, “Just cut up the vegetables for me, please?”

Soon the kitchen was filled with sizzling sounds and light music waving through the air, as well as the occasional and odd sound effects made by Jaemin. All of it was enough to distract you from the wailing of the wind outside.

You were in the middle of cutting the cucumber when Jaemin spoke up without turning away from the stove, “Taste this?”

You stood up and rounded the counter to stand next to him, he turned to you and held the metal chopsticks out, the meat balancing precariously between them, and he cupped his hand below it.

You ate it and smiled, eyes glossy from the slight heat of it. His food always was your favourite.

“Good?” he asked, eyes wide and his eyebrows knitted together in worry.

“Very, very good,” you said once you swallowed the food.

He smiled at you, the frown melting from his brow. His cheeks were slightly rosey from the heat of the stove and you could see how long his eyelashes were. It suddenly hit you that you were staring at him and you were standing way too close for comfort.

You couldn’t bring yourself to move, though, you’d never realised how much you liked looking at him until now. Your heart fluttered when you saw his gaze drop down from your eyes to your lips like a small child unhesitatingly jumping off a rock at the beach.

You were about to inch closer to him until a loud crack made your body almost cave in on itself from fright. Your hands came near your face in fists and your eyes were crinkled shut.

You felt Jaemin’s arms wrap around you and he pulled you to him in order to calm you down.

“Scared of storms?” there was no judgement in his voice, only warmth.

“Not usually- just when the windows start to shake,” you huffed out a small laugh against the material of his shirt.

“Hey, it’s okay, I got a fright too,” he said as his hand went to stroke your hair. Then after a beat, “I think the food’s about ready.”

You took that as your cue to let go of his waist which you hadn’t realised you’d wound your arms around, but not before he pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head.

Once he’d dished up the food, you took a bowl of it to the room Haechan was in, but turned around when you heard loud snores before you even opened the door.

“Still asleep?” asked Jaemin from his place on the couch, bowl in hand.

“Yup, and snoring. Very loudly,” you laughed and took your seat next to Jaemin.

The two of you ate in a comfortable silence, a random cooking show mumbling away on the tv in front of you.

After you’d both finished your food, you put on a movie you’d been wanting to watch for a while and Jaemin got some musty smelling blankets from a cupboard in the passage.

It was about 11pm when you started to drift off, you and Jaemin had wound up entangled together under the blankets. Your head had dropped down onto his shoulder and your eyelids were growing heavy.

Jaemin turned his head to the side when he felt you nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck. His soft chuckle woke you up, the bobbing of his shoulder being enough to catch your attention.

You opened your eyes lazily and felt your pupils adjust to the dark room, only to be met with Jaemin’s features mere inches from yours. The left side of his face had dancing lights and colours from the tv and the right was shaded in darkness. You had no more time to take in the view, though, because suddenly his lips met with yours lightly.

That had you wide awake. Your heart surged upwards in your chest and you reached for his soft cheek to bring him closer to you.

After a measly few seconds, the kiss was interrupted, much to your distaste, by the loud sounds of Haechan grumbling and dragging his feet down the passage.

The two of you pulled away from the kiss and from each other, you scooted as far away from him as you could. The scene was almost comical; the blanket you still shared had been pulled taut between the two of you.

“Did you leave any food for me?” Haechan asked in a half asleep daze.

Your chest was heaving and you didn’t trust your voice to answer for you, so you pointed behind him to the fridge in the kitchen in answer.

You were wide eyed as you gazed back at the tv, body rigid with your arms shrunken into your sides. You heard a light snort from next to you which prompted your head to look in Jaemin’s direction.

He was facing the tv, his oversized grey hoodie bunched around his torso and arms and his heart melting smile etched onto his face.

For the past few months you’d liked that smile a little too much- you’d liked everything about him a little too much. The thought of him possibly feeling the same brought even more blood to your already red cheeks.

“Scootch over,” Haechan’s voice pierced the little bubble you’d been in.

You made a dissatisfied face and moved back towards Jaemin again and when you placed your hand next to his leg in order to support your moving body, you felt his arm come around your shoulders. You cast your eyes down to the leather material of the couch and felt your cheeks warm up again.

Haechan paid Jaemin’s actions no mind; skinship being something you shared often with your whole group. His face was also practically buried in the bowl of food and only lifted when he heard a particularly loud gust of wind hit the window across from him.

Soon enough the adrenaline in your body dissipated and you began to fall asleep on Jaemin’s shoulder again.

“I think you should take her to bed,” Haechan whisper-yelled when he noticed you weren’t making comments on the movie anymore.

“And what about you?” came Jaemin’s voice from above you. The sound mixed with the slight rumble of his voice in his chest made you stir again.

“I just had a milk-induced coma,” was the next thing you heard from Haechan. He said it in a flat tone and it made Jaemin’s chest bubble beneath you in laughter.

“Nae sarang,” the term of endearment made you open your eyes again- more due to shock than from waking up. “It’s pretty late, I think we should both sleep.”

You nodded wordlessly and stood up, Jaemin catching the blanket that fell from your lap.

“G’night, Haechannie,” you said as you passed in front of him, ruffling his hair with your hand.

“Mm,” he hummed, “Sleep well.”

You wished him a good night’s sleep as well and walked towards the passage, but stopped when you heard Jaemin cooing at the other boy, “Haechannie! Are you feeling better now after your naptime? Saranghae- Ow!”

You giggled at the sight of Haechan manoeuvring Jaemin back onto the couch and sitting on the poor boy. After pulling them apart, you proceeded to your room where you got changed into pyjamas and lay down under the covers.

There was one problem now, though, despite the decent quality mattress and the perfect temperature of the room, you couldn’t seem to fall asleep. The storm outside was still raging and your fear of it kept you up, staring at the ceiling for goodness knows how long.

There was a tug in your heart for comfort. The kind of comfort you’d felt earlier in front of the tv with Jaemin, and before that in the kitchen and months ago when he’d held your hands when you said they were cold. You sighed at the feelings and memories, deciding your pride was far less important than your need for comfort.

Soon you found yourself standing outside Jaemin’s room, your hand knocking on the door before you could think better of it.

You heard a soft “hello?” from the other side and slowly peaked your head into the dark room. You were surprised to see Jaemin’s phone lighting up his features in a blue hue, his hair was a fluffy mess on his head and he was resting with his head half way down the headboard.

He looked at you with his big eyes and you nearly melted, “I couldn’t sleep. The storm is…” you trailed off, not wanting to admit to being afraid.

Without a word, Jaemin lifted up one side of the blanket to welcome you. You smiled a small smile and crawled under the covers, your head instinctually resting on Jaemin’s arm. He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you close.

You felt him lean over to put his phone on the nightstand and shuffle down in the bed to lay his head on the pillow.

“Comfy?” he asked, voice light and feathery.

You hummed in response, your heartbeat and breathing had already slowed down enough for you to begin dozing off for the third time that night.

—

“We leave them alone for one night…” was the first thing you heard the next morning. It took a moment for you to register that it was Jeno, standing in the doorway wearing a thick black coat.

“When did you get here?” came Jaemin’s voice from behind you, you could hear that his face was scrunched from stretching.

“Hyuck called me last night after the storm calmed down,” Jeno leaned on the wall, looking at Jaemin.

“What time was that?” you asked, finally able to understand your own thoughts.

“At like 12,” said Renjun, head popping into the room before the rest of him followed.

“Junnie!” you yelled, holding your arms out to him and making grabby hands.

Renjun practically ran and fell backwards onto you, you put your arms around him and squeezed.

“Who’s making breakfast?” asked Jaemin, his arms completely removed from you now.

“Rock, paper, scissors?” you suggested, raising your eyebrows at him in question.

He nodded, “Rock, paper, scissors!”

It took a few tries, but eventually you and Renjun lost and decided to cook together.

“I’m guessing you haven’t gotten over your little crush on Jaemin?” asked Renjun as he cracked eggs into a pan.

It was just the two of you in the kitchen, everyone else either unpacking or playing switch in the lounge.

“I don’t think I have to,” you mumbled, cutting up tofu, “He kissed me last night.”

Renjun turned around in shock, but before he could answer you heard your name being called.

“I’ll tell you the details later, Jun,” you got up from your place at the counter and peeked out the kitchen and into the lounge, where Mark sat in horror looking at Haechan.

He then turned to you, eyes wide and mouth half open, “He drank fucking what?!”

if you enjoyed this, buy me a ko-fi!

#nct #nct dream #nct imagines #nct x reader #nct dream imagines #nct dream x reader #na jaemin #jaemin #jaemin na #jaemin x reader #jaemin imagines #jaemin x you #na jaemin x reader #na jaemin imagines #na jaemin fluff #jaemin fluff

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writing-wrxngs · 4 years ago

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Character Guide!

(Just a little guide to how I personally depict the characters I write about and their roles in my stories.)

Philza

The father of Techno, Wilbur and Tommy. I know a lot of people make Phil just a much older brother, but the Dadza content is just too much for me to ignore

He’s always tried his best for his sons. He’s a good father who tries to balance his sons desires with what’s best for them. His boys mean the world to him.

As a father, he’s firm but never strict. He wants the boys to be their own people, but knows he needs to teach them lessons and give them structure to do so.

He is NOT impartial when the boys fight. He will decide who is in the wrong and give them a lecture. If all parties are in the wrong, everyone is getting sat down and talked to. For some reason this does not deter them from fighting.

He loves seeing the boys flourish. He enjoys being wanted and parenting his sons, but seeing them become independent men is amazing to him. The day that he feels all of his sons are completely self sufficient will be the best day of his life.

His wings are just prt of him. Why he has wings isn’t fully known, he’s just a human with wings. I just like that he has wings. Whether he can fly or not is unknown.

Technoblade

Age has been tweaked to be a year older that Wilbur, give or take. He might be even less than a year older than Wilbur, but he’s older. I chose this for him simply bc Wilbur is far too chaotic to be the eldest. The vibes were off.

He’s simultaneously arrogant and awkward. He loves attention (clout) and being the best but cannot do social interaction.

Likes his chaos and anarchy, but has a line. He knows where to stop and knows when to stop his brothers.

Quite responsible. As responsible and willing to care for his brothers, he still does NOT act like a parent to them. He is nowhere near as gentle with them as Phil, and also often gets in over his head with them.

He’s the most skilled fighter around. He is infamously ruthless, and never holds back, even if his opponent is a loved one. Whether it’s swords, bows, or fists, he will come out on top. He’s had this title for quite a while.

I’ve personally interpreted his mc skin as a pig mask that he wears often. When he’s out or when he’s fighting, he wears it over his face. In company of his family, or very close friends, he wears it up on top of his head.

He played violin when he was younger, his lessons starting when he was young, and he still can play, but does not often.

Wilbur

Extreme middle child energy. He’s his own sort of unstoppable chaos. He can equally be the shitty little brother to Techno and the jerk older brother to Tommy. He also desperately craves validation in spite of how much he’s cared for, and would die for praise.

He’s well known for being well spoken and charismatic. He’s charming and always says the right words. He is amicable and gets along with almost anyone.

He’s still terribly insecure, though, and uses this as a front, putting up walls that sometimes fall if someone, usually his family strike the right place. On the opposite side of the same coin, he still has a big ego at times.

As mean or abrasive as he can be at times, he still genuinely cares about the people he loves. Even as skewed as his morals get at times, he still can be humbled at times and be his true self if something cracks him.

He is also a musician, since he plays guitar and sings, however he also writes songs and places this above performing. Being able to create as compared to Tecnho who simply plays is something he’s very prideful of. Still, writing does stress him at times, especially if he has writer block.

Pogtopia Wilbur is a man who’s lost everything. He’s grasping at straws and no longer cares about who he hurts in achieving his goals, his narcissism shining full through. He’s extremely far gone, but is not yet lost.

Side note, to differentiate between his character and irl, I use Wil for in character and Will for irl.

Tommy

Chaotic youngest sibling to the max. Every day he wakes up and chooses to be a problem. Is a bother, and loves it. Can be overly blunt sometimes and often says the wrong thing or doesn’t read the room properly. His energy never matches the others.

He’s considered the funny one of the family, but slightly dislikes this moniker as he feels like it’s far too one dimensional compared to Wil’s charisma and Techno’s violence. He wants to set himself apart but hasn’t found it yet.

Really wants to be on the same level of his brothers. There’s a significant age gap and Tommy is still just 16, but he’s already chomping at the bit to be independent.

Is fiercely loyal to his family, but especially Wilbur. When they were younger, Tommy was practically Wilbur’s shadow, and honestly, he still idolizes Wil a bit.

Tommy knows how to cut through bullshit like a champ. He is especially good at breaking down Wilbur’s walls and bring him back down to earth when he’s inflated.

Also Tommy is absolutely the main character of the DreamSMP, maybe even in general. Main character energy.

Tubbo

I try to keep my Tubbo usage as little as possible, since I know he’s a bit uncomfortable with fanfic in general. I keep him as a side character. Never about him

He’s Tommy’s best friend and will always stand by him. Tubbo simultaneously matches, increases and dampens Tommy’s chaotic abilities.

He’s a bit smarter than Tommy, and better with things like sympathy and tact.

Canonically has died once. I don’t count deaths that don’t move the plot forward as deaths due to the nature of Minecraft. He was resurrected using some special hand wave magic that I’ve used to explain respawning. It’s not quite healing nor is it necromancy. (Okay, maybe it is necromancy. I had to go check bc I didn’t know off the top of my head. I main paladins it’s not my wheelhouse)

Post festival Tubbo is covered in scars from the burns. They’re mostly on the right side of his body, and sort of start by his torso and stretch like tendrils up his neck/face and down his arm. He’s not insecure about them at all but they are a bit painful.

Tubbo does not have parents. Well, he once did but he can’t remember them. I’ve kept it vague but he likely lived with a family and was separated from them at a young age but was able to take care of himself especially after befriending Tommy some time ago.

Niki

She is incredibly kind, sensitive but equally so is she outspoken and strong willed.

She’s a healer, and is one of the few people capable of resurrecting others, though she is not the most skilled as she only learned how to do this after moving to the SMP.

She’s a bit idealistic and sees the best in everyone, unless they’re completely evil. She believes if she’s seen the good in people, they can be good.

She’s 100% the most level headed in the whole of the SMP. God help you if you cross her, though.

Like I said in my FYI, I don’t ship her with anyone!!! She’s just really sweet and lovey and if you accuse me of making ship content I’ll literally cut you.

Everyone else will probably just make cameos based solely on their SMP characters, but with the way things are looking, I actually might have to get to know more mcyters to write about them.

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artisanhuman · 3 years ago

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Also both your mutlichaps sound amazing so please feel free to tell me more about them. chin/hands

Requiem was really written as a way for me to process some stuff that was happening in my life near the beginning of the pandemic. This is probably why I latched onto DS9 so tightly because it really did help to have something to project on to (let’s be honest, there’s enough trauma and grief there for everyone). I won’t go into much details here ,but those involved IRL did give me permission to post the story and share the background as an A/N when I do. What I can say is that everything that happens is a true story from either my own or a close friend’s experience.

It’s set right after Life Support (mid s3) and ends somewhere around the middle of season 4. It’s entirely from Kira’s perspective which is interesting for me, because at one point in the story, she loses a couple marbles and it’s been a challenge to drive home that she’s convinced that her bizarre reality is normal, while making it clear that the strangeness is only happening because she’s not well.

Basically, Kira thought she had grieved Bareil’s death but now she is also pregnant with his child, and all the trauma in her life —from losing her mother at a young age to questioning if she is even fit to be a parent—is dredged up as she navigates the pre and postnatal period. Everyone on staff bands together to be the family she doesn’t have and Kira begins to heal from the things in her past.

No snippet for this one I’m willing to share, but here are some of my favorite moments:

Kira confiding is Sisko and breaking down because he’s the one who understands being a single parent because of a partner’s sudden and tragic death

Jadzia temporarily moving in with Kira to help her so she isn’t alone. Also when she says Dax has never been a good parent, then turns around and has big Dad energy the entire time.

Literally every conversation Kira has with Shakaar. I hate how the canon made them comphet but I love their platonic relationship outside of that.

The Requiem series on a whole is their journey from Friends to Married over the course of s3 to the end of the series. It focuses on Kira’s turbulent healing and what that looks like in the context of her relationship with Jadzia.

1/2

#wip game response #AHnswers #stephanidftba

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writing-for-me-at-this-point · 4 years ago

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ii. Fun Facts About The Cast | Actor Au | Obey Me

Request: Its not, I love this AU tho

Word Count: 2303 words

Page Count: 6.5 pages

A.N. Hope you guys all like this! Fun facts about the cast lmao

[ Actor AU Masterlist ]

Fun Facts

Benjamin ( Lucifer )

- Is the dad of the cast.

- In any scenes with Dmitri ( Luke ), he makes sure to know if he is alright, and often will stop scenes to ask.

- He also is an overall joker, so he has trouble filming most of his scenes, will often start laughing in the middle of filming and can break character the easiest.

- Best with kids overall, probably due to having his own, keeps their lives private tho.

- His hair was white for a past show, but the directors liked the look, so that's why he has white tips.

- One of the few male characters who cannot do those diets to accentuate his abs- so that's why his character is always covered up.

- He's in shape! But, he likes the fat that protects his muscle, he says he needs to stay soft to hug his kids.

- Known diabetic, so there's a table full of foods so his sugars are stable, the cast has glucagon shots all over the sets to be safe.

- Is in his early thirties, but people say he can pull off early twenties- he just snorts at this.

Avery ( Mammon )

- Takes the job seriously, and his scenes are easiest to film.

- Dark humor and often is the "Lucifer" of the cast.

- Seeing him switch from Avery to Mammon leaves the rest of the cast and crew fucking s h o o k.

- Will always be seen looking his finest.

- No, no one has seen him in public in sweatpants or anything like that. His image is very serious.

- Is a sweetheart when with the rest of the cast tho.

- His eyes are actually that blue.

- No one is sure if his hair is actually white or not, the way he speaks about it is vague, and fans are always theorizing.

- Watching over Benji ( Lucifer ), and is usually the one to tell him to check his sugars, since the other is quite forgetful.

- Is an immigrant from Turkey, so he has an accent, makes people thirst for him more.

- Helps aspiring actors and directors get into the field, and goes on hard work and talent, not who tries to pay him off.

Jackson ( Leviathan )

- Is the resident fuckboi.

- Always with males and females hanging off him, at this point the pop gave up, no- they aren't his partner.

- Flexes a shit ton.

- Wearing chains, a Rolex, and anything designer.

- Donates half of his salary to ocean reserves and protection funds, he has the money for it, and the show pays him well.

- Always at the beach, or near lake houses and shit, the one ( 1 ) thing he likes about his character.

- Hates the fringe he wears with a passion.

- His hair is actually a light shade of brown, his eyes are a darker shade, but still pretty light.

- First generation, his parents are Korean, so you can pick up hints of their accent in his speech patterns. Gets heavy when he's sleepy.

Ross ( Satan )

- Is a stoner.

- Goes on Instagram lives with either MC and gets high, talking about the dumbest shit or he's alone in his room and his cats join in.

- "So, if you think about- oH MY GOD PRINCESS. YES, COME TO DADDY."

- Has a kitten curled up on him, purrs loud as hell because mf is so warm, and the lives turn into purring ASMR sessions.

- Into self care, has a line of vitamins, face masks, and everything you can think of.

- Calls his fans his SaStans.

- Dmitri ( Luke ) is his younger brother.

- Will never let him out of his sight, and they love to be as mean as they can to each other, they love each other but love to bully one another.

- Is from the Bronx, so his accent is what Avery ( Mammon ) mimics for his character, often just records Avery's lines and sends them to him so he can practice.

- Owns an animal shelter he funds.

- "Carol Baskin? Who's that?"

- The REAL tiger king.

- Gets all his cats dyed to look like tigers.

Micheal ( Asmodeus )

- Chill as fuck.

- Has like 5+ kids, so the role fits him perfectly, and now it's an on running joke among fans that they are all his illegitimate children.

- You know why Asmodeus on the show wears so much makeup?

- His eldest daughter is one of the makeup artists, and she loves to try new looks on him, and the producers think it would fit the character well.

- People speculate his age, looks young but is in his late 30's.

- His first child was born when he was 16, so he likes to support safe heavens and things like that for struggling youths- from being kicked out to needing assistance with mental health.

- Tired af.

- Always in sweatpants, him and Ross ( Satan ) are the trademark bums of the cast.

- Thinks it would be hilarious that when Micheal is revealed, in the show, that he plays the character.

- Is a writer as well, TSL is a real series and he writes it, so they let him use it in the show.

- Vlogs in his car, in a Wendy's parking lot, eating a shit ton of food and talking about the most random shit.

- Half asleep in all interviews, wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, it's gotten to the point where everyone memes it too.

James ( Beelzebub )

- Himbo.

- One of the few cast members closest to their character.

- Absolute sweetheart.

- He's 20 years old.

- But how is he so fucking big???

- Comes from a big ass family, the middle child, he's baby 4 out of 9.

- All his siblings are redheads too.

- Very playful tho, with the cast always going along with his antics, making for the best bloopers.

- The contacts he wears make him blind af, which doesn't help since he's so tall, and will bump his head on the doorways and such.

- Can speak Scottish-Gaelic, and even has an accent to top it off.

- He is an absolute unit, and one of the characters who does the stupid diet to show off his form.

- Literally on the verge of passing out sometimes, so he needs to rest with Benjamin ( Lucifer ).

- All pictures, shirtless scenes, and such are filmed first so he can rest after and go back to a normal diet.

- Quiet guy, but loves talking about sports and his siblings tho.

- Is always carrying MC and Dmitri ( Luke ) around, now there are many off-guard photos posted to the casts shared twitter+instagram accounts

- Still pretty new to acting, but is amazing at emotional scenes, to the point fans actually think he's having a breakdown.

- Nah, he's just thinking about being alone, without his family- and it gets him bawling for said scenes.

Conner ( Belphegor )

- Crackhead

- Will not stay still, either for filming or just when everyone is chilling.

- Scenes where he's asleep? He's usually turned away from the camera, cause the idiot is smiling and giggling.

- Has tripped over his tail multiple times.

- Comes from a farm-life, literal cowboy, his southern accent just hits hard.

- He hides it very well, but it comes out at times or with certain words.

- Sees Benjamin ( Lucifer ) as a mentor, he's in his early twenties and new to the scene, but they are best friends.

- Benjamin ( Lucifer ) has now acquired a new child.

- A living meme.

- You know how Tom Holland can't keep a secret?

- Yeah, he's worse.

- Rest of the cast have all had to physically stop him from talking at one point.

- The cow pillow? It's actually his, when he got the role his father has sewn it himself, so he will bring it with him.

- It's basically free promo for the show and comforts him in the city space.

- Gets overwhelmed in large crowds, so he usually makes sure to have another cast member close by, or he will literally leave to a less crowded place to take a breath.

- Apologized to MC after the scene in which he kills them.

- His mama raised him right, so he takes MC to his house for a movie, in which they cuddle and relax for the night.

- Felt really bad for like... a whole week.

- "Country boy I love you~"

Thomas ( Barbatos )

- Brat.

- This is one cocky man, he's smooth as hell, and one whisper can make you weak in the knees.

- Grew out the one side of his hair, but he slicks his hair back or will pin it back, dyes it himself when it's time to film.

- Loves to piss Alex ( Simeon ) off.

- Has a true crime podcast with Roman ( Diavolo ), Alex ( Simeon ), and Benjamin ( Lucifer ), because they're all old friends.

- Donates to the cold case foundation because he knows what it's like to lose someone and not know what happened to them.

- He has a twin who is his stunt double, they love to fuck with the rest of the cast, both of them are little shits.

- Is the motherfucker who makes a channel and reads the crackhead fanfics

- Loves every word of it tho.

- Responds to every fans dms. Every. One. As a whole account for this shit.

- Walks with a bit of a limp, so he wears a brace to help even himself, but during wide-shot scenes you can catch it sometimes.

- Took actual classes to be a butler for the role.

Roman ( Diavolo )

- Himbo 2.0

- Catch this man tweeting what he's trying to search up at 2 in the morning.

- Leaves them because it's hilarious, makes videos where he reads them out sometimes, it's all in good fun.

- He has a set of triplets at home, so that dad energy radiates into the show too.

- You know how Diavolo seems sus at points of the game? Yeah, he's still like that IRL.

- The rest of the cast was put off at first, but that's how he is, and everyone eased up pretty quickly.

- Makes jokes that he has family in the Italian mob, but needed to stop once his father called him, saying that there were too many eyes on the family now.

- Man was s h o o k.

- Has sensitive skin, so all his makeup and body paints need to be specially made, made with all natural products.

- The bags under his eyes are baby bags.

- Will bring his kids on set, to which everyone will gush over, and watch them when they aren't filming.

- Very private with his kids ( to the public ), doesn't post about them much, and only the cast really sees them.

- Wine dad.

- Catch him bringing the whole cast out for "family trips"

- People nicknamed him Caesar

- So many JoJo references now

- "SHHHHIIIIIZZZAAAAAAAA"

- "Please, no."

Dmitri ( Luke )

- Is actually 12.

- Quotes vines, tiktoks, and other memes.

- Is one of the few people that Alex ( Simeon ) is openly nice too.

- Also has an accent, but since he's young and is learning, can now mimic every other cast member's accent.

- Wear earplugs for certain scenes, because of how raunchy and dark the scenes can get, so Simeon and Barbatos are always conveniently in the way, hiding the plugs.

- Is Ross' ( Satan ) younger brother, and if he isn't hanging off of him he's with James ( Beelzebub ), Benjamin ( Lucifer ), or MC.

- They know there are some sick fucks in Hollywood so he has an adult with him at all times.

- Posts pictures of him cuddling up to his brother and the kittens, new foods he is trying, and some pictures with family.

- He often is considered the new Gordon Ramsay.

- Had a collaboration with him.

- It was amazing.

- Best boy, catch him taking a nap in his ( and Ross' ) trailer, surrounded by tiger kittens.

- The TIGER PRINCE.

Alex ( Simeon )

- Avatar of wrath who?

- The embodiment of "No talk me, I angy"

- Jkjk, though he does have a temper, he only loses it with Benjamin ( Lucifer ), Roman ( Diavolo ), and Thomas ( Barbatos ).

- A sweetheart with all children though, like you know Simeon on the show?

- Yeah, he's only like that with kids.

- And respectable adults.

- Mama raised him well 2.0

- Grew up in NY

- Born in Gucci and Balenciaga.

- Was a child model and slowly expanded to acting.

- Dark humor galore.

- If Simeon met Alex, he'd probably have a stroke, cause THOSE WORDS are coming out of HIS mouth.

- Says the weirdest shit too.

- "Put your hand on my ass and call me a virgin."

- Bro are you okay???

- He is fluent in five languages and has a high IQ.

- Speaks: English, French, Italian, Arabic, and Mandarin

- Has a support system for children who struggle to learn conventionally, with trained tutors who are affordable, he knows what it's like to need certain needs met to learn, and he wants every kid to get that chance.

- Rough around the edges but has a heart of gold.

Derek ( Solomon )

- Loves to smoke with Ross ( Satan )

- He is more aloof than chill.

- One of the more awkward members, doesn't know how to socialize well, and is very shy.

- Watch out for Dmitri ( Luke ) on the down low.

- Didn't have the best life growing up, so he is a lot more street smart than book smart.

- Doesn't have a big social media influence.

- Very nice to fans, gives full hugs to them, and everyone feels so appreciated.

- Has a husky named Blue.

- Also has an owl, who he took in when he found it on his porch with a broken wing, and nursed it to health.

- He set it free, but she comes back often, and has a nest in the tree closest to his house.

- Named her Lovely.

- Animal person, so he helps Ross out with his animal shelters.

- Uses Blue as a living pillow, and only sleeps in his boxers when Blue is on his bed, because goddamn does that dog radiate heat.

- Him and MC live together, having grown up together, and made their livings together.

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doctorcanon · 4 years ago

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Ouyang Sect Headcanons

Ouyang Zizhen is my newest side character hyperfixation. So have this, I guess. Gong Er is an OC but heavily based off of a real life, though heavily mythologized figure in Chinese History.

The Ouyang Sect is in Baling, nestled in Huangshan (where the scenes in Qishan were filmed irl, I believe). Their compound is carved into the mountains. It seems simple at first glance, but if you know the place well, you’d see that it’s actually an intricate system of tunnels, stairs and bridges.

Not many people can live in a place so high up, so their sect has always been rather small. It was one of the first sects subjugated by the Wen Sect back in the day.

You don’t have to climb the stairs but it’s strongly advised. If you’re not careful on your sword or you might fly right into a cliff.

Cultivators have to have some kind of wilderness or endurance training to Night Hunt in Baling. The Terrain is very treacherous and the prey even more so. The more dangerous the surroundings the more potent the resentful energy. Accidental deaths often lead to spirits possessing parts of the forest and becoming grudges - one of the Ouyang Sect’s specialties.

Despite this, the Ouyang Sect isn’t quite as austere as one might think though Ouyang Xi is an infamous hardass. Some say that the cries you hear in the valley at night are the Juniors forced to carry weights up those many, many stairs.

Every sect has it’s list of rules or precepts but the Ouyang Sect is a little different. Because of the nature of their training, rules regarding free time are actually quite lax. Because of this, however, punishment for any infractions are harsh.

Some say the training is punishment enough.

It’s not uncommon for a trainee to be stolen from their beds at night, dropped in the middle of the wilderness, and told to find their way back home. Some don’t make it. Some just decide that it’s not worth it. Those that come back however, are greatly rewarded.

Ouyang Sect members are unnaturally resilient and often uncommonly strong. Their heir, Ouyang Zizhen exemplifies their values.

As heir, Zizhen receives the harshest training. Some question the wisdom of sending his own son to face the elements alone with packs up to 69 kg - particularly after he nearly died from hypothermia - but Sect Leader Ouyang Xi just says if Zizhen can’t succeed in this simple task then he doesn’t have a son.

Some people wonder if Zizhen is his son by blood anyway. Ouyang Xiaoyu died when her son was five and Ouyang Xi refuses to entertain these suspicions but some say that his harsh treatment of him only confirms it.

Zizhen was mostly raised by a proxy named Ouyang Li Mei, an abbess who was formerly adopted into the family at 18 due to her medical prowess in the Sunshot Campaign. Some say that she was supposed to eventually marry Ouyang Xi when his ailing wife passed away, but it never happened. Her birthname is Gong Er.

Ouyang Li Mei was stripped of her title and adoptive name after being accused of demonic cultivation. She was sentenced to be executed by Ouyang Xi but Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng intervened on her behalf. However she was still brutally punished and banished. She did, however, eventually make it back to her home temple in Gongzhi and cannot contact the outside world.

Ouyang Zizhen lost two mother figures in a very short time both he was directly involved in. Even Nie Huaisang’s intervention never quite quelled the rumors that Zizhen is not his father’s actual child.

The rumors only got worse after Guanyin Temple, when late-bloomer Zizhen started growing taller and stronger than his father, topping 190 cm.

Father and Son don’t see eye to eye. On anything. And it’s only gotten worse since Gong Er was banished. Rumor has it that Wei Wuxian poisoned Zizhen against his father but this is something that has been brewing for a long time.

Before he met Jin Ling, Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui, Zizhen had very few confidants despite his charisma. To keep himself from developing a temper like his father, he often sought solace in books and art and when he got older, drink.

Ouyang Sect and Nie Sect have always been dedicated allies. Just being in Nie Huaisang’s proximity only encouraged Zizhen’s romanticism and wit. Whether Huaisang did it to spite Ouyang Xi has yet to be decided.

While he’s a dedicated survivalist, Zizhen is quite the hedonist outside of his training. You can often find him in the nearest inn, surrounded by disciples, dramatically reciting poetry and drinking Baling’s (in)famous Yanli Laoshi Liquor which - as the name implies - is more of an experience than an actual drink. So suffice to say, he has a strong stomach.

He claims that the memories of wine and song keeps him company throughout his long treks in the hinterlands. While he often goes out with a team of disciples, his solo night hunts can take weeks. A true extrovert; the harder the hunt, the wilder the revelry.

Despite his stature in both status and height, Zizhen’s gregariousness makes him about as intimidating as a bunny. Because of this, however, he has a lot of friends. In fact, it seems like he has a friend in every city. He can always find a place to stay or someone to chat with. Making friends - he says - is another way of survival.

Speaking of his friends, he’s a frequent visitor in both Gusu and Carp Tower but he prefers the latter, if only because they have better liquor. He honestly has no idea why Wei Wuxian likes Emperor's Smile so much, it might as well be water. (Wei Wuxian disagrees, according to him the kid just has no taste.)

He’s often seen in the company of Jin Ling, Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui during Cultivation Conferences and Competitions. Sects from all over usually call on the Ouyang Sect to help escort more important, sick or load bearing members from larger sects through dangerous areas when flying isn’t viable. So each of them travel with him often. Especially Lan Sizhui whose music is often used to treat sickness of the mind as well as the body.

The Ouyang Sect favors practicality over propriety. So Zizhen’s knowledge is largely practical. He often feels a bit...dumb compared to his friends. Especially to Lan Jingyi who “knows everything” - according to Zizhen.

His formal training (beyond basic Cultivating) is as follows: Orienteering (without a map), Bare-handed combat, Advanced First Aid, Survival Talismans, Survival Tactics (without talismans: building a fire or shelter etc…), and Astronomy. All of his work revolves around practical applications and some of the finer points of Sect etiquette are a little lost on him.

Sect Leader Yao noticed this, being one of Ouyang Xi’s closest friends, and tried to take the young man under his wing and teach him the proper way of doing things and filling in some of the blank spots his old friend couldn’t. It didn’t end well. And Sect Leader Yao’s son Yao Ji has not forgiven Zizhen for making his father lose face.

Yao Ji and Ouyang Zizhen used to be friends. In fact, Zizhen used to call Yao Ji his Big Brother. However, when he started to surpass Yao Ji, their friendship fell apart. When Ouyang Zizhen started making friends outside of the Minor Sects, Yao Ji became straight up antagonistic.

As it stands, Ouyang Zizhen is the only person who can take over the Ouyang Sect. He has no siblings, and Sect Leader Ouyang has no living relatives, thanks to the Wen Sect. Without Zizhen, the Ouyang Sect could very well fall apart.

#the untamed #ouyang zizhen #Jin Ling #Lan Sizhui #lan jingyi #wei wuxian #erring on the TV portrayals of Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang #but the book portrayals of Ouyang Xi and anyone else.#cause lbr Book!JC wouldn't let anyone involve in demonic cultivation get off easy.

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rippingattheseams · 3 years ago

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(this is a really long and messy vent post so like feel free to ignore this i just want to write whats going on in hopes of it making me feel better)

okay so yesterday was my first day of this stressful summer camp thing i have to do for a scholarship program and it’s literally just school in the middle of june and after freaking out abt it enough it turns out my grandma, who ofc is the only one besides my brother who doesnt seem to forget i’m there likely has stage 5 kidney failure (which is fatal) and i’m probably gonna have to go and see her within a week and the only death i’ve experienced of someone close to me is my dog when i was 9 and i forgot how awful it feels. i also was talking to my only friend about stuff because i’m getting my fourth therapist after finally starting to kinda open up to the last one but now she’s also leaving (she should be back in fall cause she’s having her kid but it still sucks cause i was starting to feel okay with her) and even though i never was able to tell her a lot of going on and she never gave advice she just let me vent, i still don’t want to see another one but back to the original point me and my friend were on ft and i found two of my old diaries from 1st grade and 3-5th grade and although it was mostly funny cause i was a fucked up kid who did fucked up things and couldn’t spell (and still can’t tbh) some of it was depressing especially considering how young i was. there was stuff about how i was so lonely and you could tell just by how much i wrote about this friend that i really relied on her for so much and not really in the venting kind of way i just liked her so much cause she was the only one who didn’t judge me or leave me. i didn’t have many friends throughout elementary and none of them except for her talk to me now. i finally opened up to her about why i loved going to her house so much as a child and why i still feel so emotionally attached to her family despite them not really liking me anymore. as a kid my household sucked tbh. i remember going to her house for the first time and got confused on why they all ate dinner together and didn’t go off to their rooms. up until a littoe over a year ago i’ve never really had a family dinner (and now it’s just my mom making me sit with her in the living room cause after she found out i was cutting in 7th grade she wanted to keep an eye on me and we just watch tv now and eat which isn’t that bad cause i have a good relationship with her now) but my parents always fought, often physically, and my dad was always drinking and my mom was constantly tired. it’s still the same but without as much fighting, which ofc i’m grateful for, but i still hold so much resentment towards my dad mostly, but my mom too. my dad really does love me, and i know it, and it genuinely hurts him when im annoyed or angry with him. i feel so guilty but he was so awful to me and blamed me for a lot, and still does, and is narcissistic and has awful anger issues. in the last year or so ive really started to realize that this isn’t normal. my childhood consisted of so much and i just thought everybody went through it. i want to truly love my dad again but everytime he actually does or says something decent it just makes me remember all of the shitty things he did to me and my mom. going back to my friend i keep bringing up, i was always so jealous of her. her family really loved her, she has a sibling who actually lived with her and cared about her, teachers loved her, other kids did, her house was nice and everything worked, she was skinny, she was pretty, she lived in a nice neighborhood with other kids in her neighborhood she got to play with. i always wondered why i was never able to experience it. i still do. i mean i don’t want to just sit here and feel sorry for myself, but sometimes that’s really all i have the energy to do. everytime i think i’m finally getting better, this happens again. i was also in the internet way too young, and got groomed too many times. a lot of older men were creepy to me irl too. i’m starting to see how its affecting me now and how i’m like hypersexual until anything remotely intimate happens to me, even if it’s as small as a hug from family, and it makes me so

uncomfortable. i don’t even remember getting “the talk” i just knew everything from the interne. i even got porn bots sending me explicit shit in the 3rd grade. my friend was the best thing that ever happened to me, if i’m being honest. i was an awful friend to her because i’d randomly get mad at her for not doing anything and would stop talking to her. i was like a stereotypical toxic friend all through elementary and i’m still not sure why. i would randomly cut her off but every time i apologized cause i realized she was the only one i had left, she’d always accept. she honestly shouldn’t of, because i didn’t deserve it. she was always a pushover and i was always the pusher (for lack of a better word lmao) but i haven’t done anything like that to her in years. it’s embarrassing but i’m glad she did end up sticking through it with me since if we weren’t friends now, i probably wouldn’t be here. she is quite literally the reason i stopped halfway through my attempt in 7th grade. i couldn’t lose her and i knew i couldn’t do this to her. i was only ever mean to her in elem cause i never knew normalcy and just wanted to be like the popular kids and so i would try and mimic them to make myself less weird. it never worked, obviously, but honestly the fact that she put up with my bs for so long is a miracle.

#please feel free to ignore this i just want to write it out don’t feel obligated to comment or dm me of your worried i’m gonna be fine :)

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pokeexehasstoppedworking · 4 years ago

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Love Doesn’t Do Encores Ch5 Sponsorship

(Hey everyone I apologize for the late chapter. Also I should mention this story will contain my own headcannons about the backstories of some of the characters and info on the league cards and that the next chapter might be a lil late cuz of irl stuff.)

The trainers had arrived.

Professor Magnolia hummed in the middle of her trip to the kitchen as you and Leon watched from the couch. You both had a pretty good idea of who it was as the excited knocking continued when an answer didn't come from anyone instead. Eventually the professor answered.

"The door's open!," she shouted towards the door and you were impressed when she didn't flinch with how fast it flew open and in came the two children you both were waiting for. Hop and Gloria with excited smiles on their faces.

"PROFESSOR!," Hop greeted as he came right in and you blinked when Leon stood up from the couch and walked on over to stand next to the professor.

"Why, Hop dear," Ms. Magnolia greeted as he came up to her, "So these must be the new trainers Leon requested the starters for." She then turned to Gloria. "And this must be your friend, Gloria."

"And rival!" Gloria stood proudly which made the Professor chuckle.

"I see." Her eyes looked over to the bag on Hop's back, a few Pokeballs visible in a pocket on the side. "Oh? I see Wooloo has made some new friends. I trust you two received the pokedex from Sonia. I'm sure you'll have it complete in no time."

"Hey, Professor, do us a favor, would you?," Hop asked with a nervous face and the older woman turned back to him with a hum. OH BOY! You knew exactly where this would go. The professor would convince Leon into sponsoring the two for the Gym Challenge but not before he had them give a battle to convince him otherwise. "Help me convince Lee he should endorse us for the Gym Challenge!"

By now Leon had stood next to the professor as she hummed and turned her head to the Champion. "Oh Leon, why wouldn't you endorse them?"

Here it comes.

"Ehh." he sighed. Reaching a hand up to take off his hat and running his other through his long purple locks. "Hop and Gloria only just started out as pokemon trainers..." Both teens smiles dropped and they looked at one another. "There's still loads they don't know yet! Plus after today's little incident...Maybe they're not ready to take on something like this."

"BUT LEE!," Gloria interjected catching his attention. "You were younger than us when you first started out on your journey!"

"Yeah! And Sonia had to help you how many times?," Hop gestured to him like it was obvious.

Leon hummed with a frown. "Yeah, but I'm always hopeless with directions. I never went into Slumbering Weild at all, except to get you two out, but that's totally different then walking in intentionally."

"Now Lee," Ms. Magnolia looked at him. "It's in every young child's nature to make mistakes. It's all a part of growing up and becoming stronger. Dearie, I thought your dream was to have everyone in the Galar Region become strong trainers. Isn't that right?"

He hummed returning the hat back to his head. "Well...yeah. You're not wrong. That goal's precisely the reason I gave them both pokemon, in fact."

"Well then why don't you give them a chance to make mistakes and grow," she suggested as he still had that Skeptical frown. Leon hummed and looked back to the two. "You made plenty of mistakes too, Lee. Don't forget. You said so yourself."

"I know, I know." A hand came up to rub his chin. "And it does look like they caught a few pokemon by themselves." A small silence passed over them as you watched with a smile knowingly, and the two teens looked almost scared of his anwer....Before he sighed again. "Right then...In that case, how about this?" He held up a finger pointing. "Let's see if the two of you can show me such a brilliant battle that I'm left no choice but to endorse you. If I think you two have a good enough fighting chance then the endorsement's all yours."

"YES!!," both teens cheered with Hop doing an arm pump but it was enough for Leon to smile at them.

"And don't worry. I'll make sure both your teams are in good shape before the battle starts." He paused and looked out the window for a moment. "....It's been almost the entire day...We better go outside and get started if you two are going to be back home before dark too."

"RIGHT! I'll be waiting outside, Glory!" And again Hop dashed away

"HEY WAIT!! NO FAIR!!" She frowned and ran after him with Leon chuckling.

"Hurry it up, Glor! You've gotta battle me so I can get myself that endorsement!," his voice echoed back outside.

"Ah those two. I don't think I had that much energy even when I was their age." You got up Sobble chittering as the professor chuckled and started towards the door, cane thumping against the floor. As you two followed her out.

Leon sighed. "Yeah. Well I better get out there. If something goes wrong they'll need some help and someone needs to watch the battle they put on."

The three of you piled outside, you two slowly going out after the professor and finding the two teens already at the battle court a lil ways from the purple house pokemon already out and ready to go and you blinked. Oh. Looks like they did get some new pokemon.

"ALRIGHT!," Leon called side stepping past the professor fast and quickly walking towards the two, catching their attention. "Listen you two! The reason I'm unbeatable is because I learn from every battle I see or take part in. That's how I've gotten to where I am today. So show me something good in this battle!" He finally made it to the middle of the court and looked between the two for a moment. "Ok! The same rules of your first battle will apply to here as well. The first one to become unconcious or knocked out of bounds loses!"

"I'm interested in seeing how you two young trainers battle, too." Leon looked over as the you and the Professor stepped beside him and she finally made it to watch with a smile. "Now remember to give it everything you got. That's the best thing you can do for your pokemon and for yourselves, too."

"Good luck you two!," you added with a wave Sobble chirping in agreement.

"I'm going to become the greatest pokemon trainer there is!," Hop declared, Wooloo baaing in total agreement with him on the field, "And to do that I need that endorsement to take part in the Gym Challenge!" He pointed straight to Gloria. "Come at me with everything you have so we can prove to Lee that we've got what it takes!"

Gloria huffed hands on her hips. You figured by now that would probably be her default pose like Hop's was that couched fist pumped one. Not that you judged. "HA! If you want a show you've come to the right person then!" She pointed back. "Guess you'll be tasting my victory again!"

"We'll see about that, Glory! IT'S TIME FOR MY LEGEND TO BEGIN!," he shouted pointed out to the field challenging, "LET'S GO, WOOLOO!!" The sheep pokemon baaed out challenging to Gloria's...bird pokemon?? You didn't recognize it. "Have you gotten a bit stronger?"

Gloria hummed. "I'd say so. I wouldn't have this new pal here if I hadn't! What do you think?!"

"I think me and my test will put you to the test and see!"

"OH YEAH! WELL IN THAT CASE! ROOKIDEE USE HONE CLAWS!!," Gloria barked an order to the small bird pokemon and you guessed that the pokemon was a Rookidee. The small pokemon gave a tweeting noise and jumped in air, and you had to blinked when all of a sudden there was a dazzle of bright white light in the shape of slash marks. You blinked and....nothing happened. The wooloo was still in the standing position. What was all that about?

"You're confused?" You snapped to the professor as she smiled seeing your confused expression. "Hone Claws is a move that allows Rookidee's accuracy and attack to rise for their next attack. A smart or dumb move depends on what Hop does."

"WOOLOO USE TACKLE!!" The wooloo followed it's master's orders and quickly rolled into a ball and headed straight for them. You were surprised when Gloria made no move to stop it as her Rookidee remained standing as the wooloo was about to hit- The Rookidee was knocked back a few feet from the Wooloos tackle with a chirp and Gloria still did nothing.

"USE HONE CLAWS AGAIN!!," she ordered and this time you turned your head from the bright white attack reflecting the sun's light.

"HA! Didn't you see the first time that Hone Claws didn't work, Glory? USE TACKLE AGAIN!!" Hop taunted before ordering another assault. Again the same thing repeated with Gloria doing absolutely nothing and letting the rookidee be hit away a few more feet. Two or three more hits and Gloria would be ove-

Your eyes widened, Hop's question replaying in your mind. Head snapping to Gloria who remained unmoved. 'Didn't you see the first time that Hone Claws didn't work, Glory?'....Hop had no idea what Hone Claws really did did he!? You looked at Gloria who still did nothing as her pokemon shook it's head. That sneaky gal! She knew exactly what she was doing and so did you! Gloria was buying time for Rookidee's power to rise enough before delivering a powerful attack raised from the two hone claws attacks! Hop had no idea what was about to come his way!

"USE TACKLE TO YOUR MAX STRENGTH!! KNOCK'EM OUT!!," Hop ordered and the wooloo obeyed. Rolling fiercely towards Gloria's Rookidee as she did nothing to stop the upcoming hit-

"PECK!" It all happened so fast you could barely register it, didn't help it happened at such close range too. As soon as the wooloo was just barely a foot away from it, Gloria quickly ordered a ..Peck, and a direct power hit was delivered right to the wooloo's front in a grey cone shaped blur. Which resulted in a loud baa from the wooloo and it was knocked backwards. Rolling head over heels over and over again until it landed on it's side and slide the rest of the way before Hop's feet.

"WOOLOO!!" He cried almost horrified and dropped to his knees before the pokemon and reaching his hands out towards the spiraled eyed pokemon.

"Wooloo's unable to battle!," Leon shouted pointing to Gloria, "Gloria wins the first round!"

You felt sorry for Hop as he looked really down as he stood back up and took out a pokeball to you assume to put his wooloo in, but you had to wonder...Wasn't wooloo already still tired from their first battle earlier that day?? And from running around to try and catch some wild pokemon before they got here? Gloria probably would've beaten Hop anyways if he had no idea about Hone Claws but this world was a bit different from your game play or any game you could remember. This was a live battle you were witnessing, so of course it'd be more intense. Hop eventually did return the wooloo and pulled out another ball soon after.

"Alright then! Time to shine!," he shouted throwing out the next pokeball. What you weren't expecting was his Grookey to pop out in a flash of bright light. ...Wouldn't grookey be tired as well? Since Hop only had two pokemon he used, it made since he could only use the two he had for the previous battle and pokemon catching, so both might've been more exhausted.

"Are you going to switch your Rookidee, Gloria?," Leon asked looking to her but she shook her head.

"Nah! I'll stick with the one I got, Lee."

He nodded. "Alright! ROUND TWO GO!!"

"YOU WON'T GET THE BEST OF ME THIS TIME!! NOW THAT I KNOW YOUR TRICK!!," Hop shouted at Gloria frowning and pointing towards the rookidee, "GROOKEY USE SCRATCH-"

"PECK!!", Gloria ordered back quickly and..Well you guessed your suspicions were right dead on...because the Grookey wasn't fast enough to dodge the upcoming fast flying attack. You weren't sure if it was a factor of Hop's pokemon being tired or Gloria's rookidee being still hyped up from Hone Claws (or maybe a lil bit of both who knows?), but the grookey was struck in mid air midscratch and tumbled to the ground in a one hit K.O., Hop letting out a startled cry as his grookey was taken down.

The tention was cut by a flutter of Leon's cape and his hand pointing out to Gloria. "MATCH! Grookey's unable to battle! Victory goes to Gloria again!"

You knew it was probably in the gameplay for Gloria to win, so technically you shouldn't intervene or really feel bad about this, because if everything went according to the game, that meant you could go home or wake up from this weird dream you having but-...Hop returned his grookey back into the pokeball with a frown and disappointed look and you frowned too. You couldn't help but feel bad for him losing like this. Dream or not Hop seemed to show real emotion and you felt bad for knowing what was going to happen.

Hop looked glumly to the pokeball in his hand for a moment, before closing his eyes and you supposed, took a breath. Before snapping back up with a smile. "Well, Look at you! Seems you've really learned your type matchups!" He suddenly held up a pokeball. "How's about best two outta three rounds?"

"Sure! Why not!? After all I already won two outta 'em!"

"Yeah? Well I bet you weren't expecting THIS!" He tossed out another pokeball, or you assumed another, they all looked the same to you, and out with a flash of light came a ...Rookidee. Just like Gloria's. "It'll be a close one, but that's exactly my sort of match!"

Your eyes widened a bit. Oh wow. You weren't expecting that for sure. Leon also seemed to be interested as he looked back to Gloria. "Do you want to switch out your pokemon before the final match, Glory?"

After a moment of staring she shook her head. "Nah. I think I'll stick with rookidee and battle it out."

Leon nodded. "Alright! Final match! Ready you two!? BEGIN!!"

"ALRIGHT! TIME TO START THIS OFF WITH HONE CLAWS SINCE THAT WORKED SO GOOD FOR YOU GLOR!!" Hop pointed and in another flash of bright white light that made you blink as the rookidee flew up and gave the same slice attack to the air Gloria's rookidee did from earlier.

"ALRIGHT THEN! LET'S DO THE SAME SHALL WE?! ROOKIDEE HONE CLAWS!," Gloria ordered smiling and the bird pokemon did the same attack from before.

"USE PECK!!" And you all watched as Hop's rookidee honed it's peck ability and with a flap through the air they dove right towards the other rookidee before them.

"DODGE IT!!" You guessed Hop wasn't expecting Gloria to actually dodge the attack and instead use another move based off the Hone Claws attack she ordered from earlier. But with a quick blur, Gloria's Rookidee barely dodged out of the way, but somehow completely missing the attack and then it happened. You had guessed that Hop's rookidee was going too fast to pull up in time as it flew down at gloria's at a downwards strike. Because with a crash and sound that made you and your sobble cringe, the poor rookidee smashed into the pavement battle field as Gloria's rookidee flapped it's wings and fell over, from there the lot of you watched as the poor pokemon continued to roll head over heels unable to stop itself as it rolled towards Gloria who quickly lifted up her leg as to avoid the pokemon who rolled off the field and onto the grassy area behind her. Everyone stood there in silence watching the now still pokemon as it laid there for a moment before it let out a small chirp and managed to lift it's head up just a bit. Not knocked out but probably not able to battle.

"ROOKIDEE!!," Hop shouted in worry leaving his place and running over from his spot startling Gloria's pokemon and as soon as he got close enough, dropped to his knees in front of the tweeting pokemon. Hands hovering over the pokemon. "IM SO SORRY! ARE YOU OK?!" He jumped and looked up as Gloria grabbed his shoulder and gave an apologetic look.

"Match over!," Leon called jogging his way over to them, humming at the sight of the rookidee, "Well...Wasn't certainly expecting that of all things. Hop, put your pokemon back in it's ball. We'll have Nurse Joy at the center take a look at your pokemon on the way home."

Hop immediatly did as Leon suggested and quickly returned the rookidee back into it's pokeball before standing up as you and Professor Magnolia slowly walked towards them. Hop sighed and reached a hand up to rub his head letting his other arm flop to his side. "Man, oof. Gutted that I lost..." He turned to Gloria with a sad smile. "But I'd expect nothing less from my rival! And I even got my pokeball throw perfect, too."

"I'm sorry, Hop," Gloria apologized gently grabbing his arm as he blinked, "I didn't think that'd happen to your poor rookidee. I promise next time I'll try not to let that happen."

Hop quickly looked away clearing his throat and shrugging. "I-It's fine. That's how it is in the real world. The sting of defeat and joy of victory. I guess going through both is the key to the two of us getting stronger, r-right?"

"Gloria. Hop." Both looked back up as Leon smiled down proud at them. "I'm really glad you see it that way. I'm proud you learnt a good lesson from all this. And that being said...Well." He crossed his arms proudly. "After seeing you learn, and after seeing a match like that I suppose I've little choice but to give you both an endorsement as Champion!"

By the way their faces went from smiling to shocked, with their mouths literally dropped open, you would've thought they'd seen a ghost or something, and you couldn't help but giggle at that. Especially when they gasped upon seeing Leon reach behind him and pull out two small envelopes from behind his cape, each one having a small red wax seal on them. Leon proudly held them out to the children and you could see Gloria do her best as to not freak out.

"SHUT. UP. REALLY!? OMG!!" She yelled starry eyed and grabbing the letter from him like it was a teenage girl's first phone. "BEST! DAY! EVER!!"

"YES!" Hop jumped holding the letter up. "Thanks, Lee! I swear I'm going to win my way through the Gym Challenge to reach you!," Hop promised.

Leon laughed happily in return looking proud, and it was a smile which was contagious as you smiled. "You may both still be young, and plenty rough around the edges, but it was a proper battle. Charizard and I were both feeling the excitement in every last cell in our bodies!"...His smile wavered just a bit as he hummed. "But if I can offer some advice after seeing you two duke it out there." He turned to Hop. "You seem to panic a little bit there and your pokemon were tired. My suggestion would be to find the good and bad line between the phrase 'pushing your limits'." Hop paused for a moment..before frow- "Hop, you've always tended to get caught up in things like how you throw your poke ball out..Things that have nothing to do with real strength." He explained softly, "Honestly, I'd been worried about you still obsessing over that sort of nonsense, but it seems you really have grown a bit, Little Brother!" His smile came back and Hop blinked wide eyed before Leon turned to Gloria who froze under Leon's stare. "And I'd like to see more thrilling pokemon battles out of you too, Gloria...But a word of caution. It's obvious where Hop lacks in battle strategics you have impressive moves, but don't get too over confident. There's a fine line between confident and cocky. You two will be going head to head with other FAR MORE EXPERIENCED pokemon trainers and Gym Leaders who's going to have more tricks, more know how, and more success. But always remember practice makes perfect. You two practice and work on your weaknesses and soon you'll be heading towards battling me in no time!"

The smiles came back to both teens once again and you sighed. Well that could've gone much worse, but you were glad that at least things were starting to go as it was supposed to of course, but you had to wrack your brain and try to remember as much of this game as you could! If not for your sake, then the two kids here. The last thing you wanted was something like Gloria sneaking into Slumbering Weild again.

"Alright, Glory!" Hop flashed his friend a confident smile thrusting the letter at her. "You and me are going to train up against one another to aim for that Champion title!! It's like Lee said! The more we keep battling against one another the more our pokemon will grow!"

"You're on, Hoppity! Can't wait for our rematch then!"

Both kids laughed and you smiled even mor- You winced when your sobble suddenly chirped in your ear and turned around on your shoulder suddenly. "Ow! Hey! What's wrong?" You asked as you turned to the pokemon on your shoulder but it's body was half blocking your view as it looked up towards the sky. So you could only see his blue body, but it caught the attention of every other person there as they looked up and saw the shining light with a red trail leading behind it.

"Huh?! HEY! Look there!," Hop shouted pointing a hand towards the sky at it, "What's that!?"

"I don't know but it's coming right for us!"

Everyone watched and you eventually got Sobble's tail off your face just in time to see two sparkles land on the ground a little ways from the Professor's lake. The two teens already making a dash for the shiny objects and of course you fo-...You paused....Wait. Something was coming back to you now...OF COURSE!! THE WISHING STONES!...THINGS! In the game the player used those stones to make their pokemon gigantic! Or dynamax as everyone in this world called it. Looks like you were starting to remember a bit more about all this. In the meantime, Hop had picked up the shiny stones into his hands and gave them a wide eyed look upon realizing what it was.

"Gloria! Would you look at this!?" He smiled widely and turned with excitement plastered all over his face. Gemstones shining brightly in the sunlight. "They're wishing stars!"

"NO WAY!!" Her blue eyes widened looking at them like she had never seen something more beautiful in her life. "THAT'S SO COOL!!"

"Since there's two of them, you should take one yourself!" Hop held one hand out to her and she squealed in ecitement instantly.

"Wishing stones?," you repeated under your breath and apparently the professor heard you because you jumped as she spoke.

"A Wishing Stone is a stone found in the Galar Region with a mysterious power to dynamax a trainer's pokemon. It's said that your dreams will come true if you find one." She smiled at the two exited teens. "And it looks like you two are about to have a lot of luck indeed."

"With one of these, my pokemon can dynamax! They're gonna be massive!" He thrusted the stone into the air as Gloria was still cooing over the shiny stone in her hands, turning it this way and that, inspecting it as carefully as a detective would a case. "YES!!

Which made Leon give a good natured laugh and put his hands to his hips as his little brother looked to him excitedly. "It's a lucky day for everyone here then! Trust you to pull something like this." He nodded towards the stone in his hand. "They say wishing stars fall down for those who have a true wish in their heart, you know." Which made Hop's eyes widen even more.

"REALLY!? Well if that's the case!" He thrusted the gem towards the three adults(you being one of them), "I will be the greatest trainer ever! I will be the greatest trainer EVER!! I WILL BE THE GREATEST TRAINER EVER!!" He shouted out and it made you giggle along with Leon and the sobble on your shoulder giving Hop a scowl from the loud volume. "There! I've said it three times, so surely my wish will come true now, right?" He asked glancing to Leon for confirmation.

"Hop! The three wish thing are genies with the lamps. Not wishing on stars," Gloria said raising a brow at him.

Beside you the professor chuckled, sighed, and shook her head in that order. "Don't be silly, Hop." The boy looked to her as she explained and pointed to the stones in their hands. "Those Wishing Stars are composed of a curious sort of soft containing unknown power. They are one of the most precious resources we have here in the Galar Region." She hummed. "But they won't do a thing for you in that state. Give them to me now, and I'll have you sorted." She gently held out her hand to the kids and Gloria didn't hesitate to give the professor her shiny stone-

"Ah, right. You've done heaps of research on the Dynamax Phenomenon, haven't you, Professor?," Hop asked excitedly but continued before she could even answer. "Then please! Give Gloria and me the power to dynamax our pokemon!"

Gloria held up a hand. "Hop. You didn't even give-"

"First we got to battle the mad pokemon in the Slumering Weild, and now this!" No on noticed the bright orange haired woman walking over from up the dirt pathway. "It really feels like we're getting caught up in the adventure of a lifetime-

"HOP!!" Gloria shouted at him with a scowl startling the boy with a jump as he blinked to her. "You can't dynamax anything if you don't give the Professor the Wishing Star."

.......He blinked. "O-OH! RIGHT! SORRY!"

The professor still smiled kindly as Hop dropped his own stone into her hand beside Gloria's and she pulled her hand back having them. "I do understand your excitement, young man, but don't get carried away. You want to save your energy for the day after tomorrow's journey."

"Seems I came back home in time for all the excitement!," a lady's voice cut through the air and everyone turned to see Sonia just a little ways from the battle court smiling at them. Yapper at her heels panting and barking in agreement to whatever she said. Before she shook her head and started to walk over towards you lot.

"HEY! Sonia! You just missed all the fun!" Leon smiled and jabbed a finger behind him towards the children. "I just got the honors of not only being the Champion Referee, but being the sponsor for two amazing young Gym Challenge Trainers!" He then gestured towards the Professor. "And then even got some Wishing Stars the Professor's gonna make into Dynamax Bands."

"Wishing Stars? You don't say," She smiled glancing to her Grandmother for a moment and shook her head before crossing her arms, "Well I'm sorry if I missed all the action, but if you forget someone had to resecure the gate leading to the Slumbering Wield."

Both children instantly froze...before Hop cleared his throat and looked away with a hand rubbing his neck, and Gloria whistled while also looking away. Riiiight. Totally not suspicious looking in the slightest. And it made you chuckle again at the childish behavior before shaking your head and looking up towards the sky. This world's sun was setting and you had to reach a hand up to block out the harsh light to your eyes. The sky was starting to fade a pinkish purple color and you knew for a fact it would soon give away to the dark black of night. Leon seemed to have noticed you looking to the horizon and so turned his head to to look at the slowly setting sun. You glanced at him from the corner of your eye. The taller man smiling, and the light reflecting in his eyes enhancing the gold coloring and for a lil bit making it look like he had cold coins for eyes. And you couldn't help but watch-

"Hm..Getting kinda late...Hey, you lot, why not have some dinner?," Sonia suggested pointing a finger, "You must be hungry, right? I've been totally obsessed with making the latest trendy curries."

At the promise of food your stomach grumbled a bit and you were thankful for the hopeful gasping of the teens at the promise of Sonia's famous food Leon always talked about..but the Champion shook his head before turning back to Sonia. "Sorry, Sonia. As much as I would ADORE to have your curry, I promised Ma and Mrs. G I'd get the kids back home safely. And it's getting pretty late. If we want to get back by dark we'll have to leave now."

Sonia frowned a bit but nodded in understanding. "I can understand that. Want me to walk back with you guys." She smirked playfully. "Wouldn't want you somehow ending on top of a barn again."

"OH COME ON! It was one time!"

Sonia giggled and you decided to speak up. "It's alright. I can make sure he doesn't wonder off anywhere."

"Oh come on, Y/N! Not you too!"

Everyone shared a chuckle and it was decided you lot would head home for the night, bidding good bye to the Professor and starting on your way as the sun had set for the night. But not before the Professor told Hop and Gloria to come back tomorrow morning and get their new dynamax bands for them to use on their journies very soon. The walk back to their homes was pretty uneventful, the sky got slowly darker and the two children were excitedly pointing out pokemon you could make out in the darkness with their glowing eyes. It was when you four were passing by the town's Pokemon Center is when he and Hop turned to go towards it, but not before Leon turned towards you.

"This is where I'll leave you two for the night," he explained while gesturing towards the center and Hop waiting for him, "I promised Hop we'd fix his team up before we got home."

"Are you sure you won't get lost going home? No offense," you asked him raising a brow and he nodded,

"Yeah. Hop can make sure I get there good enough, and if not I can always have Charizard fly us back home. What about you? Do you and Gloria wanna wait so I can walk you guys back?"

You thought for a moment tempted by the offer but seeing Gloria yawn and how dark it was, you held up a hand. "I think we'll be fine the rest of the way. I don't think I'd want Gloria's Mum to worry about her when it's gettin' dark. And I think I'm pretty tired too."

"I can understand that. You two have a safe trip back."

You nodded Gloria and you bidding the two brothers fair well, before walking the rest of the way home in setting light, Gloria excitedly telling you her captures of a wild Rookidee and Yamper earlier. By the time you both got to her house and inside it was dark, and Gloria's mother was already waiting for you two with dinner. Salads but you weren't surprised with her being a farmer and all in a farming community like Postwick, and you were hungry anyways so you gladly accepted the food offered to you and let Gloria ramble on about her day to her mother fishing out and flashing the official letter to her mother and on and on. She was real excited wasn't she? It was like a blur as you did the nightly routine of taking another shower and later curling back up on the couch with your Sobble curled up against you like a cat would, and you wondered briefly is Sobble was cold blooded and that's why it did it before dozing off for the night.....You know. You think you'd wake up from whatever dream this world was by now and just be on your way to college late in the morning....But no. Again you woke up but this time it was because of the smell of food in the air and your stomach grumbled for you to get up and eat. The sobble groggily chirping in surprise from you accidentally knocking him off the bed as you rose up rubbing at your eyes and your f/c hair all a mess in a bedhead. It smelt like more eggs. You were just blinking around tiredly, sighing at the sight of Gloria's living room when the smell became stronger. Whelp. Looks like you were still stuck here for the time being.

"Good Morning. I was wondering when you were going to wake up." You blinked your sluggish body over and standing there was Gloria's Mum, a plate with an omelet on it. Oh. Well that explained the egg smell at least. She put it down on the coffee table in front of you as you began to fully wake up. "I trust you had a good sleep last night."

"Y-Yeah. *YYAAAWWWNN* Thanks," you mumbled reaching for the food. "What time is it?"

"It's about ten in the morning. Gloria left with Hop a while ago. They said they wanted to try and catch some more pokemon and battle some of the neighborhood kids before they leave tomorrow for the Opening Ceremony, but after all you did yesterday for them I told her to let you rest further."

....OH! That's right! In the game your journey truely begins when the player and Hop leave for the opening ceremony in ..Motostoke you think?? To officially register into the Gym Challenge. So you nodded. "Oh. Yeah. Thanks."

You sat there and ate the omlet for a bit, your Sobble climbing back up onto the couch with a small frown from being tossed over and gave you a chirp to let you know about it. Oops. You should probably remember to not knock him off again. After eating you did what you usually did around here and grabbed your things to go change in the bathroom. During the time you were in there, you didn't here the doorbell ring or see Gloria's Mum happily let in the man on the other side, so it was a surprise when you opened the door all dressed and found Leon sitting on the couch who smiled and stood upon seeing you slinging the backpack holding your pjs in it on your shoulder.

You blinked surprised at the Champion waiting for you. "Leon. What are you doing here?"

"Hey, Y/n!" He greeted giving a smile. "I decided to swing by before I head back."

"Back? You mean you're leaving now?"

To confirm your question he nodded again. " Yeah! But I didn't catch the morning train, got lost in the dark hours of the sun rise and somehow ended up circling my way back in front of my own house." He gave a sheepish chuckle and one hand came up to rub his head. "Not sure if I should consider myself lucky or not, but now I have to wait for the afternoon train at Twelve."

You rolled your eyes but smiled. Yep! That was definately something Leon would totally do, game canon or not. You shook your head before looking back to him, not minding the Sobble who jumped onto your overalls and started climbing up you like a cat would. "Are you looking for Gloria? Her Mom said she left I think."

"Actually I was looking for you!"

That certainly caught you offguard as you blinked and your Sobble finally managed to flop itself over your shoulder as you blinked and pointed to yourself, "Me? Why?"

He looked over for a moment still rubbing his head nervously before closing his eyes and sighing. "Y/n...Never in a million years did I think Hop or Gloria would think taking off into Slumbering Weild would be a great idea, and honestly..That place is so unexplored and full of dangers I wouldn't be even caught lost in there." He looked back up to you. "Those two could've gotten seriously lost or...well I don't want to think about what could've been worse. I don't know how you figured out how they were in there, but that was some quick thinking on your part. As Champion I should thank you for your efforts, but as a big brother I could never thank you enough. But I'd like to try." He smiled real widely at you with that goofy grin you always saw.

You stood there for a moment brain processing what he said, before asking, "Huh?"

He chuckled at your reaction to him. "You lost all your stuff being chased by those wild corvinight right?" He gestured towards the door. "There's a local market and clothes store just across from the Pokemon Center in town. If you're going to be traveling all over the place with Gloria then you're going to need your own seperate stash of clothes and food to sustain yourself. I can help in that department."

You stared......Was...W-Was Leon offering to BUY you new clothes?? Your brain finally clicked back to normal and you instantly shook your head holding up your hands. "N-No! I couldn't ask you to do that!"

"And have you travel around Galar with no supplies at all?"

That made you pause. You didn't really have any suppiles did you?.....Literally nothing but the clothes on your back, a back pack, and one pokeball for the sobble on your shoulder. And now that he mentioned traveling with barely anything-.....You were REALLY under prepared and hadn't even thought of that! No food, barely any clothes, and overall no money at all to buy things with. So in much easier terms, you were absolutely hopelessly broke. BUT Leon was offering to pay for anything you needed- NO! You shook your head. You only helped out because you knew someone would be in danger and you knew the things had to progress in game if you wanted to get home. It'd be wrong to accept money just because you helped him out....But then again you still had nothing, and it'd be better not just for you but for Gloria too if you guys needed supplies for two people traveling around a giant region for who knows how long. Plus Leon is THE Galar Region Champion! He's the most popular person in all of Galar with millions of fans. Logically he'd probably have cash to spare for the supplies and not put a dent in any of his paychecks and you DID need the supplies. So technically he'd be helping out Gloria as well as endorsing her too if she insisted on having you come along.

"I mean-.." You started raising a brow. "Are you sure? I really don't mind and you don't have too!"

"If I didn't I wouldn't have offered, Y/n!" He gave a smile and again gestured towards the door. "Plus..I could use someone to help make sure I didn't get lost on the way there again. I wouldn't want to loop in front of my house again."

Well....Considering all the factors and that he was totally willing- "I mean....Sure! Ok!" You nodded and smiled. "I'm gonna need some supplies if I'm going to be traveling I guess. And since you're offering I guess I can't say no. Oof!"

That earned you a friendly pat to the shoulder from Leon as he smiled. "That's the spirit! Mrs. G won't mind if we leave now. She's already busy anyways."

You nodded in understanding and when he gestured for the two of you to leave again, you walked your way over to the door, Leon being the polite gentleman he was opening the door for you as you stepped out back into the world and the two of you were off. Walking down the road and passing all the normal things you all had done previously on your way towards the Center, which was pretty easy to spot as it was bright pink. And again people awed and waved at Leon as he smiled and waved back. At one point stopping and agreeing to take a picture with a young boy who couldn't have been much older than five or six as his presumed mother took his picture, before thanking Leon and allowing the two of you to continue on they're way. The smells of flowers and veggitation was in the air. You didn't see Hop or Gloria on your way there though despite being out catching more pokemon. You just hoped they didn't decide on going back into Slumbering Weild again. Once you two got to about the center, Leon turned to you and gestured for you to follow him to the left past as a couple od eldery ladies walked past the both of you, both giving Leon a 'WOW!' kinda look. The building he led you too was a brick building with a green and white striped onning over the doorway and a sign above it reading 'Postwick General Store'. In front of the store was a couple crates of you assumed crops the local farmers produced.

"There it is!," Leon explained to you walking towards it as you two got close to it. "Should have everything one needs if they're going on a journey. It's where I got my supplies for my journey long ago, so it should have everything you two need." He assured as you two finally got near it. Once again reaching out and opening the door for you, a small bell going off above you, to which you thanked him and walked in. The inside was cool, and it ...looked exactly like a regular convenience store with a bunch of shelves with things labeled with prices and a few freezers stuffed with more foods. "See? What'd I tell ya?!"

Before you could say anything a different voice caught your attention. "Well, Well. As I live in breath." Both of you looked over to a counter and a middle aged man with dark brown hair and mustache smiled from behind the register. "If it isn't little Leon the champion, eh? Last time I saw you, you weren't much bigger than a beanpole. Now what pleasure does this old soul have to have you walking in here?"

The purple haired man happily waved to him. "Hey, Mr. Frederick! Long time no see!" He happily patted your shoulder. "My friend here needs some supplies, and being the best store in Galar, I thought you would have just the things we needed!"

The old man laughed and nodded smiling. "Well you ain't wrong! Look 'round and see if there's anything to your liking."

That was enough signal for Leon to grab onto one of those convenience store baskets and nod towards the food on the shelves. "C'mon. We'll want to find non perishable foods that'll last longer for long trips! So they should be in-..." He gaze the aisles a look..and rose a brow. "Uh.."

"In the last aisle to the left," the older man corrected him.

Leon pointed to the left. "What he said! I remember now!" You chuckled at him, but he seemed to ignore them as he walked over and you followed. Taking a look at the aisles they seemed to stacked with the regular food you'd find in stores like back where you came from, and the aisle you guys went too could have what could only describe as camping foods. All packed away in plastic wrap and such so well they looked like a hiker's paradise. Especially when Leon hummed at what was available. "I guess a couple trainers already been here. Usually there's a whole lot of this available. But y'know what, that's perfectly fine." You watched curious as he just started grabbing a ...lot more than what you were expecting as he started just grabbing handfulls of packages from the shelves before you. "You can never go wrong with lots of rice and sausages."

"Uh..." You raised a hand.

''There's also plenty of pasta and salad mixes too," he mumbled to himself grabbing more handfulls of plastic wrapped packages of instant foods, "I think you'll like the moomoo cheese here. I used to use these a lot as cheese usually lasted a long time, like these bean tins here. Although steer clear of the pungent root. It's edible but has a strange smell too it. Coconut milk is also good to have on hand, canned moomoo milk is always good-"

"Leon," you intrrupted his rambling as he hummed and looked to you. And you pointed to the now almost overflowing basket, "Isn't that u....a lil much for two people?"

He looked confused for a moment, before looking to the basket and seeming to get it. "OH! Nonono. I was grabbing some for Hop as well. ....I...probably should've mentioned that before we got here I guess, but it slipped my mind." He gave an embarrassed smile. "Sorry about that."

"It's alright." You assured him as he turned. "I think that's really nice of you to help us like this anyways."

"Well, a journey is never easy and if I can make it easier for him I will." Well you couldn't argue with that. By the time you two had walked out of there, Leon was holding two bags and you were holding one after helping to seperate them between the three of you (three of you meaning You, Hop, and Gloria of course) after paying the man with what must've been this world's version of a credit card, and you once again started following him after he turned to you once out of the store and said, "Follow me!" He nodded ahead of you and there was something you recognized. It was the clothing shop you'd encounter in the beginning of the game. It looked fancy compared to other buildings in town, with manniquens wearing clothes in the window, Sign above reading 'Cothes Mart'. "We can grab you two or three outfits in there and that should be that." He paused...before grunting and turning back over his shoulder. "Oh no."

you stopped and looked at him, before glancing at your sobble, then back to Leon again. "What?"

He stared at the pokemon center. "I forgot to stop by the center for something." He turned back to you. "And I have limited time...Here! How's this? Go inside there-" he nodded to the store. "And ask for Martha, she's the lady that owns the store. She knows my mom since she shops here all the time. Tell her that I sent you and to put it on my mom's tab, I'll digit my mum the money to pay for yours!"

You gave him a deadpanned look. "Leon, no offense, but wouldn't that just look like I'm trying to bum off you? If anyone could do that, then it probably would've happened a lot more with you in a lot of identity theft."

"Oh yeah! Tell her 'I got lost on a barn's roof!' That's the code I set up with her after one of my getting lost sprees. Hehe," he gave a nervous chuckle and you couldn't help but roll your eyes. How could anyone get lost and end up on top of a barn? Only Leon you supposed.

You nodded. "Alright. Won't you get lost? No offense."

"None taken. Ill wait for you outside the Center, just be sure to make it quick. I don't think I'd want to miss my second train of the day."

You nodded before the two of you parted ways, you going towards the building, semi heavy bag of foods in your hands towards the double glass doors. Once you reached the door open, a small bell went off and you stood in aw at the fancier looking store than the previous general store. There was....a LOT more included in here than you remembered in game. Much more clothes racks. Much more shoes on shelves. Much more bags. And MUCH more shelves of clothing.

"Good Afternoon, Young Lady." The lady's voice spooked you enough to make you jump, nearly knocking the chirping sobble off your shoulders as you turned to a middle aged dark brow haired lady who looked about the same age as Gloria's Mom as she smiled at you cheerfully. "Welcome to Clothes Mart. Feel free to ask for help if you need anything."

"Uh...." You blinked before clearing your throat. "Y-Yeah?....Martha?" You asked hesitating before pointing at her and she nodded.

"That's me! How can I provide you excellent service today?"

....You looked around a little bit before walking up to her, a few other ladies and young girls were looking at the clothing, this Martha raising a brow as you approuched. Eyeing the others around you before clearing your throat and looking back to the slightly confused lady with uncertainty. "Uh...I got lost on a barn's roof?"

She still looked confused for a moment before her face instantly went from confused to overjoyed like a person had waved a full stack of a million dollars in front of her face. "OH! Of course. Would make sense since the Champion is in town." You sighed relieved as she stood from her place behind the counter with a smile. "Although I wasn't expecting Leon's cute country gal coming in.~ And just in time by the looks of it." She gave a critisising eye over the overalls and green gum boots you wore.

It took a moment for you to register what she had said, and your Sobble gave this Martha lady a scowl as she looked you over. ...And you instantly held up your hands, red faced. "WHA- OH NO!! DEFINATELY NOT! I'M NOT-..HE'S...W-Were just..Friends." Well...You couldn't say exactly that you guys were friends since you've only know him a total of what...two or three days at most outside of a video game. But it was the only thing you could think of to call this.

She paused to look at you for a moment but shrugged. "Small mistake. Any friend of Leon's is a customer of mine." You lightly scowled at her as she smiled and sat back down. "Do let me know when you're finished, Ma'am. And don't be afraid to ask for assistance!"

"R-Right. Ok." You quickly shuffled away shaking your head from the encounter and looking at the Sobble. "Can you believe that?" The Sobble chirped and nodded in agreement with your statement and you couldnt agree more. "My thoughts exactly."

It didn't take long for you to pick out just a few shirts,two black with a pink pikachu and green eevee, and a blue one with an arcanine, and some plain black sweats to go with them. A pair of really good sneakers, a plain blue dress you thought was nice, and a jacket. Before you realized that it'd be impossible to carry it all with your small old backpack. Probably why Victor didn't want to take it in the first place you thought, but managed to find a rather large grey plaid rucksack, it was perfect with it's multiple pockets and size. You were quick to try and check them all out as this Martha lady wanted to chat but you didn't feel so talkative after the way she seemed to judge you with her eyes and quickly just left as fast as you could after she had apparently finished punching everything into someone's online tab she kept and wishing you a "Champion Time, with your 'Friend'!" and to "Stop by anytime!". Man you couldn't walk out faster and get outside holding the heavy bags of clothes and food you had gotten. Thank goodness because you surely just wanted to get back to Leon and help him back to the train station. Just your luck too as you walked past the Postwick's general store and towards the center, you managed to catch sight of Leon. He was leaning down and signing a small girl's book while her assumed mother watched.

"LEON!!," you called out and he looked up smiling at you waving a hand, one of the bags hanging from your wrist.

He waved a hand back, finished signing whatever the excited young girl was holding out to him before nodding to her and her mom before picking up his two large bags and walking towards you as you continued to walk towards him. "Hey!" He greeted once he was close enough smiling. Glancing at the new backpack on your back and the new bag in your hands. "I see you got some new kicks! Good! Sorry I took so long, but I got a lil caught up as you could see."

You smiled rolling your eyes, "I know. And it's fine....Are you sure about all this stuff tho? It's really no big deal-"

"Exactly!" He stated with a wink. "It's no big deal to me either, and I'm not bothered in the least." He gave that wide champion grin. "I make it a habit to use my position for as much good as possible, especially now with the power crisis." He turned to walk back down the road towards the train station and you followed.

"Power...crisis??" Oh yeah! Wasn't there a plot in the game involving that kind of thing? You tucked away that information just in case.

He nodded as you two walked. "Yeah. Been having it ever since I was about sixteen. The Chairman's been trying his best to help and look into the problem, I think?? But so far there hasn't been much progress unfortunately."

"Oh. I see..." You glanced down to the bags he held. They looked a wee bit fully than you last seen. "What did you get at the Center anyways?"

He seemed to perk back up at the mention. "OH!" He held up the bags. "Some more things that two trainers would need for the long trip! Potions, antidotes, one or two revives and awakenings, and a few healers. Trust me. They're going to need them for their pokemon in case there's no pokemon center nearby to help them."

You nodded as the two of you continued to walk all the way to the train station, still no signs of the two children. You remembered someone saying that there was a lot of wild pokemon on Route 2 so maybe that's where they went?? The two of you walked the rest of the way to the train station and he was nice enough to hold the door to the station open for you to walk in, you thanking him. The inside wasn't anything special. A bunch of waiting seats, a man in a small stall like area who seemed to not pay attention to you, what must've been this world's version of an ATM next to a vending machine along side the far right wall, a clock above them, and a pay-to-enter entrance to a grey and yellow train. Well, at least Leon won't miss his evening train. Speaking of Leon he seemed estatic.

"Phew! Made it just in time! And not a minute too soon it looks like." He glanced at the clock on the far wall and frowned again. "Ten fifty eight! It's going to leave in two minutes!" He quickly turned back to you and you blinked as he held out the two bags. "Shoot! I'd sworn we had more time! I have to get on before I miss the second train in one day! Could you give these to the kids for me!?"

You took the bags from him as he nudged them towards you Sobble chirping in curiousity at them as you blinked again. "W-W-Wait! You're not saying good bye to them first?"

"Well I kinda don't have a lot of time," he said gesturing between the clock and train, "I can't be late for this one!''

"Oh right!" Your eyes widened at the clock. There was now one more minute before noon, when the train leaves. So you pushed Leon who blinked. "You should get going then! You only have one minute!"

"OH RIGHT!!" He quickly turned and made a run for the pay-to-enter entrance, once again taking out what must've been a pokemon world's credit card and either letting the machine scan it or pushing it into a small slot in the side, you couldn't tell past his cape tha swished around with his movements. He managed to get past the bars and stopped at the other side to give you one last smile. "Thanks for helping! Maybe we'll get to see each other again-"

HONK!!

Both of you jumped at the loud train horn going off and you pointed. "LEON!!"

"I KNOW I KNOW!! BYE!!" Grabbing his hat he ran to the double doors that opened and closed behind him with a whoosh noise.

You sighed in relief and the train chose that exact moment to start pulling away with a metal groan. Followed by the click-clacking noises you knew only trains could make and you sighed. You did end up just sitting down in one of the waiting seats arms and feet sore from carrying all the things with yo-

"LEON!!" You and your Sobble jumped, the small pokemon tumbling into your lap as you turned your head and a familiar purple haired boy came running in and you whipped your head around to the blur of Hop rushing in. Slidding to a stop in front of the entrance to the train watching as it continued to go past. "AH MAN!" He deflated with a sigh. "...I'm too late."

"Hop?"

It was his turn to jump and snap to you as you sat there with a brow rose staring at him. And he relaxed. "Y/N! What are you doing here? WAIT! Did Lee come through here already!?"

Your Sobble chirped in annoyance righting itself up at Hop, and you nodded as the last car of the train flew by. "You just missed him actually...Hey. Where's Gloria?"

He groaned and reached a hand up to rub his head. "Ah man. I really wanted to say good bye...Oh. Glory's battling one of the local Elementry School kids down the road." He pointed his other hand out the door. "I was kinda hoping I'd get a chance to see him go, y'know..." He looked at you again and seemed surprised at the bags around you...and pointed. "Hey. What's all that you got there?"

You blinked for a moment before looking to the bags, and smiling. Holding out one to the younger boy. "Leon left you guys a fair well present."

#pokemon shield #pokemon sword #pokemon sword and shield #pokemon swsh #pokemon piers #piers x reader #Piers #pokemon piers x reader #reader x piers #reader

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ghostofcitrus · 3 years ago

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more gender crisis bc i need somewhere to document this shit and also if u wanna read and say smth that’s cool too 🥺 fair warning it’s kinda longgg. but there’s a tl;dr and i tried to make the paragraphs short so it’s easy to read and i sorted the thoughts by paragraphs

ok so when i see a girl or group of girls or smth i, for the most part, am like yeah same. i have the same lived experience and like yeah u look cool and i relate in a lot of ways.

but like i also feel the same w non-binary ppl. i see agender ppl and i’m like oh nice that sounds like how i want to live MY life!! i get jelous. i saw a gender ambiguous person the other day and i thouvht i was going to lose my mind i was like AKSJSHJSJSNS Y O U. I WANT TO BE YOU. i talked to them i was like 😭😭i love your hair😭😭 and it was so compelling just seeing them i got my hair cut later that week. i like it.

and i cut my hair and i’m like y e s. and i’ve always wanted a very small/flat chest and have planned on getting a breast reduction (meaning i want basically no tits. i’m like a DDD rn. and i’m short and have a baby face so that’s like. very noticeable. pain.) ASAP. but i like dress and being seen as a girl? but i also want to be non binary, but it feels like something im striving for. i don’t feel like i’m there. i feel like i WANT to be there but i just keep hitting roadblocks.

when i think about OTHER girls, i’m like yeah. i relate to that. but when i think about myself. fully isolated. i want to present like a feminine agender person. i am connected to my girlhood. girl, sister, girlfriend, daughter... all of them accurately describe me. but i also like person, sibling, partner, child.

i like femininity. i like being seen like that. and being seen as a girl is cool and fine. but i don’t feel like it accurately describes all of me. but i’m like scared??

i want to be a “girl” in the way that when u look at me ur like ... is that a girl? my face i like lmao. it’s round and feminine. cool lol. my body.... i wish with like all my heart i woke up one day w/o titties or major curves. but i’ve literally work so hard to accept and like myself in my body. YEARS of forcing myself to look in the mirror and compliment myself. deconstructing fatphobia was a big part of it. but in my head. with no mirrors around. i think of myself as less curvy. a small fame, but not really curvy. much more neutral features. i forget what i actually look like. but when i do look in the mirror now i’m like she’s pretty. i like how she looks. nice. but it doesn’t really feel like me. but i feel cool. it’s like nice makeup that’s someone else chose for u and never comes off. like yes. that’s nice. but... it’s not like “me”. i feel like that about most of my features. but i’ve grown up in them. i don’t hate them. i think they look pretty and i feel confident enough like this. and after all the work i’ve done to get to this mindset... it’s just not what i want.

i think part of what’s messing with me is i’m automatically more comfortable with other girls/afabs, like we just share experiences and i can generally understand how they socialize. guys like,.. not so much. but most of my actual friends have ended up being guys. but im naturally wary of guys. and most around me end up being fucking republicans anyways. and another part of what’s getting to me is when i’m going about my life, i enjoy being stereotypically feminine. like i like to be taken care of, feel small , that bs. maybe it’s internalized misogyny that i feel like the only way i can be that is as a girl.

i also think i just have no idea what it would really feel like to go about the world non-binary. like i just want to keep blending into the background. i don’t want to be that noticeably different, i’m already autistic.

i think it’s also weird bc since middle school have been having periodic gender crisises but they always end in me just getting embarrassed, finding transmeds on the internet and also getting embarresed, not wanting to stop being feminine, or deciding it’s just not worth it.

and i think another thing is, i’ve always felt more connected to girls, but always on the outskirts of that, but that might just be because i’m autistic. but like i’m feminine in the sense that i like dresses. and being taken care of that and that shit. girls tend to really fucking irk me a lot of the times. i don’t really feel “connected” to them, more like “stuck” with them but making the best of it. some are pretty cool :) tbh it’s mostly just other autistic or queer girls i vibe with. other than that.. i struggle a lot to feel connected.

speaking of being autistic.... i’m realizing a lot of what i’m feeling is similar to how i felt when i first started to consider that i was autistic. when i was alone or in a space i was totally comfy in, i felt very confident that i was autistic. but when i was around people, i was like no i’m definitely not. and even now. i know i mask whenever i’m not alone. but i’m literally so fucking used to it it’s not hard at all. it hardly feels like a mask. just a different version of me. not the most authentic, but it’s how i operate around others. so whatever. not what i like per say. but in most cases, i can deal with it and still be perfectly happy (ish). this is exactly how i feel about all of this gender shit.

but i think part of my hesitancy to identify like this is i’ve never met ppl irl who identify as non-binary. that wouldn’t be a group for me to find and relate to and be comfortable with, i’d just be the different one. and i’m already different. and people don’t really get neopronouns and that shit.

ok and i’m anxious about my boyfriend as well. he’s a straight guy, idk how he’d feel about me being non binary. but i don’t want to sacrifice our relationship, so it’d be fine, because i also like my name and pronouns now. i like the shortened version of my name better tbh but i think my name sounds cool. mostly because saying it is a vocal stim for me, same with my partners name fore some reason. i just think they’re good names. they feel good to hear and say. and i’ve always been described that way and i’m like yeah that’s me.

i like dresses. feminine clothes? yes pleaseee. i like how girl are generally the ones who get taken care of. i like feeling small and dainty. i like being silly and cute. but like ... silly and cute arent like “girl things”?? but idk.

but i like “girl”. not “ladies” or “woman”. that feels too much like “female” and the only time i feel like i relate to that at all is in very specific situations. i’m feminine. i like that. i wish i could be feminine in an androgynous way tho????????

TL;DR: closing thoughts. if i were the only person on earth and i could do whatever i wanted like magically. i would change my appearance to look like my picrew... but like for an ex think Crona from Soul Eater of Ed from Cowboy Bebop. both of them are androgynous but when i see both of them i’m like they’re kinda feminine too! like that’s what i want to look like. i’d probably go by Citrus and neopronouns and maybe she/her (they’re fine but i feel like i’m lying about being non binary when i use them). ya know. how i want to be. but in reality. i am scared of that. it sounds like a lot of work and a big change that i could probably never really achieve. i also hate change. and constantly explaining shit.

also do cis people PINE over this shit the way i am? i’ve done this multiple times for years. not consistently bc tbh i have other shit i need to spend energy on but when i’m not pouring energy into somewhere else i tend to circle back to this. maybe that’s a sign that i’m right.

#my post #citrus speaks #citrus gender crisis #long post #questioning demigirl #demigirl #nonbinary #questioning gender #gender questioning #terfs and transmeds literally do not even look in this posts direction #anyways. when i realized this is how i felt when i was realizing i was autistic shit kinda starting clicking and feeling more valid

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kakitysax · 3 years ago

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OKAY HERE WE GO IT’S POLYCULE TIME

DARREN

Athletic, gorgeous, huge fucking chad. Adopted from China as a baby, but his parents are white so he doesn’t identify much with being ethnically Chinese. Handsome, so all of his interactions with cute women are kind of tainted by heteronormative socialization. But he has a younger sister (also adopted) who he adores, so he’s not a dick and he does respect women. Kind of a bystander, will participate in mild bullying with his friends. He assumes all his friends are as naturally nice as he is, so he tends to obliviously go along with shit that’s actually a little mean out of this weird belief that nothing done without mean intent can be hurtful. Puts a lot of positive energy into his jock friend group, but has a general obliviousness/attitude of entitlement that makes him a bit of a dick.

LEVI

The Bad Boy™. Impulsive dickwad. Wants hunk energy but he’s too much of a twink. Dad skipped out on the whole “being a dad” thing; raised by a harried single mom who he thinks is a fucking queen and would never intentionally disappoint. Thinks masculinity equals punching people to defend your ego or whatever so he’s quick to fight. Probably skinned his knuckles from punching a wall once. Self-medicates with weed but I don’t know what he’s fucking medicating lol. Lives in a bad part of the town, hangs with a shitty crowd, has definitely committed various petty crimes. Lots of pent-up frustration and shame. Blows off school because he doesn’t see the fucking point. But he respects the FUCK out of women so he has that going for him which is nice.

VALENTINE

Theater/art/band kid. Latina, speaks fluent Spanish. Middle child in a larger family, emo but pretty casual about it. Hates other people in the almost-performative “I don’t like people” kind of way. Goes through eyeliner like her tía goes through husbands. Unironically wears shirts that say shit like “Black is my Happy Color” and “I’m Fluent in Sarcasm” with black hoodies that have holes in them and dark wash jeans and ratty white sneakers. But the jeans and sneakers also have paint on them because when she’s not busy actively despising humanity she’s super passionate and good at art and music. I’m on the fence with her vibe a little bit, my two choices are “confident goddess who is bitter like a smooth cup of coffee” or “undiagnosed adhd female who covers up her insecurity by being cringe emo and is endearing for it in a shit-eating way.”

SASHA

Quiet kid paralyzed by social anxiety. Chill parents who support him, but the bullying PTSD is palpable. Probably neurodivergent but not diagnosed*. Was one of the Gifted Kids when he was younger, but when the anxiety kicked in he started getting B’s and C’s instead of the straight-A’s that he literally never had to work for. His grandma was a Russian Immigrant, she and his mom have a turbulent relationship (as in they love each other but are both intense and scream at each other whenever they make eye contact) but it doesn’t extend to him. He learned Russian when he was still in elementary school because he just thought it was so cool that she’s Russian and asked her to teach him. She loves him, she calls him a “gentle soul.” He grows up identifying way too much with the term “gentle soul” and then starts questioning his gender years later. His Grandma supports the gender, too. Has a lot of OCs that he never talks about. People think he’s taking notes in his class but he’s writing fanfic or original stories.

*I specify that he’s not diagnosed because I have a lot of characters who aren’t - I write them with neurodivergence in mind but the characters who talk about it in those terms are the older/luckier/more obvious ones who would have been diagnosed irl (and who live in worlds where there’s like. a system of diagnostics lol)

#My writing #my ocs #take! eat!#I'm gonna make another *if this post gets one note* post later for their dynamics so.#karkles stop

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homebody-nobody · 4 years ago

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touch me someone

HIIIII it’s your favorite fic writer back from the dead with TWO whole fics real close together maybe I’ll finally become a consistent publisher?!? we can dream. Anyway. JJ and Kiara are my new Bellamy and Clarke I guess so enjoy this VERY angsty smutty hurt/comforty poetic nonsense the idea for which would not leave my brain til I wrote it. Please for the love of god read this bc I actually kind of love it and need validation or concrit or literally any feedback at all bc my none of my irl friends like this show so pls interact/comment

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ao3

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He pulls away from her, and his eyes are wide but dry as his chest heaves. He looks wild, uncaged and raw, the moonlight turning his blond hair white and his blue eyes into pools of silver. Tragedy and shock have destroyed him, the chains he’d wrapped around his brash, heedless, unending want twisted into shards by an explosion of hurt and grief. He has always been the victim, the boy left behind in empty rooms with nothing but loss and bloody fragments, told to piece himself back together. Finally, they’ve taken the last thing. When he told John B they had nothing to lose, they still had each other. And now, he doesn’t even have that.

But she’s still here.

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Touch me someone

I’m too young to feel so

numb, numb, numb, numb

You could be the one to

Make me feel somethin, somethin.

The Phantom went down around 8:30 PM. Or maybe 10:30. Kiara doesn’t remember. She only knows that the hours between then and now have felt like a lifetime and also no time at all. Like she’ll turn and John B will be there, behind her shoulder, laughing at something JJ said, Sarah hanging off his arm; but also like the world is dark and will be dark and has been dark forever. Like the sun will never rise after this. Like the storm took the light and heat from the world just like it took her best friend.

Later, she’ll learn that John B’s official time of death is listed as 8:34 PM, when they stopped trying to establish radio contact with him and Sarah. Later, she’ll watch news stories about the manhunt for Rafe Cameron and the scandal of Ward Cameron’s property being left to his second wife, rather than his remaining daughter. Later, she’ll get an email from an internet cafe in Bermuda and her whole world will flip upside down one more time.

But now, she is laying in her four-poster bed, watching the ceiling fan lazily trawl the same, tired circle, listening to the pull-chain tap not-quite-silently against the glass fixture. Now, her hair still damp from the shower that her mother made her take, eyes stinging from sharp wind and tears not yet shed, the inside of her mouth shredded and sore from the hours she spent chewing on her lips, the world is too quiet, too peaceful. The crickets outside sing soft and gentle, just like they have every night her whole life, and the texture of her comforter, the quiet harmony of the night, the soft click and whoosh of the fan -- it all feels so chokingly familiar, like spiralling back down to earth after spending weeks dipping in and out of orbit.

She wants to scream until her throat is raw, sob and fight and unleash herself on every single adult that hurt John B, that brushed him off or refused to help or wouldn’t listen to him. She wants to gut Ward Cameron for ripping everything away from John B, first his father, and then the gold that was his by right. The gold that was theirs. She wants to rip off Rafe’s skin piece by piece until he’s in shreds at her feet. She wants to eviscerate his father with the same gaff hook he used to rip apart those two mainlanders and ruin John B’s life. She’s so full of hurt and grief and anger that her fists keep clenching white-knuckled in her blankets and she wants to bring down the sky itself. But at the same time, she’s haunted by that same emptiness that followed her after Sarah’s childish betrayal, like she’s watching it all from the outside.

She can’t sleep. She won’t. Sleep is just an escape, a place to forget, and she’ll have to wake up and remember what happened all over again, remember the rush of hope and the hours of adrenaline and apprehension that ended in a tragedy none of them could have ever predicted. What child foretells death?

Rolling over, she presses her face into her pillow, smothering herself until her lungs force her to turn her head for air. She opens her eyes, no less heavier than they were hours ago. Her throat tightens like tears are about to well up, to spill over and stain her sheets, but they don’t come. Itchy and claustrophobic, she throws back the sheets and paces over the smooth boards of her room, bare feet making soft noises over the lacquered wood. She has to get out, to make sure that she didn’t dream up the whole goddamn thing.

She dresses quickly, throwing on denim cutoffs and an old drug rug that cycled its way through at least two of the boys’ wardrobes before landing in hers. She doesn’t know where she’s going, doesn’t know what she needs, but she throws her wallet, her charger, a flashlight, and her water bottle in her beat up backpack, and, on second thought, a toothbrush and some deodorant. She picks up her keds and tiptoes down the stairs, avoiding the creaky eighth stair.

The key rack is empty, and, chastising herself for believing her parents would leave the car keys out after everything she’d pulled in the last few days, she rocks on her heels, assessing her options. The most prudent one is probably just to go back to bed, given the usual risks of going out at night as a teenage girl, the massive punishment that looms in her future, and, now, the lack of a vehicle. But the thought of returning to her stale room, skin crawling and mind racing at a standstill, makes the decision for her. She slips out the back door, making sure to catch the screen door before it slams, and digs out her bike from next to the garage. The tires could use air and the gears are misaligned, but it still rides, and it’ll get her… somewhere else.

Her original intention is to go to Pope’s house, mostly because it’s closest, but then she thinks about how she kissed him earlier that afternoon -- and God, was that just this afternoon? There’d be implications, now. Showing up in the middle of the night, throwing pebbles at his window -- it would mean something. So she stands up on the pedals and pushes past his street, floating like jetsam through the night.

She ends up heading for the chateau, which is where she was going all along. After her family moved to the outskirts of figure eight just before high school, it was the only place that felt like home anymore. She cruises deep into the cut, where even the smell of the air changes, from freshly mowed grass and chlorinated in-ground pools to gasoline and oil, rotting seaweed and the salt marsh.

The little house sits in the reeds, ramshackle and welcoming as ever, tired and reaching under the moon. It’s empty and forlorn, alone on the edge of the edge, out past the main cluster of the cut, pushed past the tideline, separated from the rest of the flotsam by a freak wave. The Routledge boys never fit in, even with the outcasts, and they made their home like they knew it. Skidding to a stop in the gravel driveway, the sting of tiny rocks against her bare ankles is the only thing she’s really felt in hours. Her heart picks up, skipping over itself as her memory stumbles over all the years seeping out of the wind-weathered boards and the sinking foundation.

Again, it feels like this would be a moment for tears, like the sight of John B’s house, the memory of Big John’s booming laugh and all the bonfire-scented nights on that sagging porch should mean enough to make something in her crack, to finally shatter the glass walls of shock and let the grief come pouring in. But it doesn’t. She just stares up at the chateau, one part of her aching for the ease of a found family she’ll never get back, the other dreading the fate of the little house.

The breeze changes directions as she stares up at the rickety shutters and holey screens, bringing with it the tinny sound of music played out of a cell phone in a solo cup, a noise she knows well. Her stomach drops to the hard-packed dirt, crashing there with her bicycle and sending up a cloud of dust. Maybe John B survived. Maybe he made it back to shore, and he’s laying low, doing that stupid, chivalrous thing he does, trying to protect them by not letting them know. Maybe he’s out by the shed in that old metal lawn chair, Sarah in his lap, exhausted and defeated and alive. But as she gets closer, the moonlight glints off tawny waves crusted with sweat and salt, and the momentary, wild hope crashes and ebbs away from the shore.

JJ hears her, of course, sitting up in the hammock and turning toward the sound of her flat-soled sneakers slapping the dirt. “Hey,” he says, his expressive face, for once, inscrutable.

“Hey,” she says, slightly out of breath from the sprint. “I thought you were…” she trails off, because he knows. Because he’s the only one in the whole world who can look at her and understand the cathedral dreams and vaulted memories crashing down in her chest.

“I’m not,” he says, an answer that belies more than either of them knows. JJ gets this look, when he’s seconds away from doing something particularly concerning (and usually criminal). Manic energy lights up in his blue eyes, burning anywhere from mischief to stubborn determination to full-tilt rage. The well-developed muscles in his shoulders and arms refuse to relax, and his hands get so fidgety they lose the coordination it takes to flip the zippo lighter between long, practiced fingers. His face fights with itself, half already spitting with well-steeped anger, the other tired, and broken, and grieving.

“I noticed,” she responds. She drops her bag on one of the metal folding chairs, dooming it to a coating of flaky, faded paint. Crossing the grass, hoping her broad strides will disguise the rattling breath in her chest, the shake in her hands, she moves to sit next to him in the hammock, and he shifts his weight to allow her.

There’s no verbal communication, no squabble about personal space or indignant demands she find her own seat. There never is, not with her boys. The Pogues. It seems so silly now, hiding behind that name for themselves, a name she’d never really belonged to, anyway. He’s holding a lit joint in one hand, a bottle dangling from the other, and he offers her one while swigging from the other. The old favorites of a Maybank in crisis. She takes it.

He falls back next to her, sending the hammock swinging as he gazes up at the stars. Sarah had known the most about constellations, of the five of them, but JJ knows a fair amount, too, some of the only memories of his mother the nights when she would hold him under the stars, tracing the designs across the sky, her hand wrapped around his tiny one. His eyes keep drifting off the sky and landing on Kiara, eyes distant, bathed in moonlight.

“He’s not dead,” JJ says, surprising himself as much as her. He sits up, and she follows. He stares at his feet for a while, and she thinks about putting her arms around him. “I --” he picks his head up to look at her and stops, voice stolen by the hope in her eyes. “I’d feel it,” he finishes lamely, and watches the spark die.

“The first stage of grief is denial,” she says, and it’s supposed to be at least slightly lighthearted, but it falls cruelly to the crabgrass.

“You sound like Pope,” he counters, and there’s too much weight to that name to throw it around for long. They’re both thinking of Kiara kissing him, and the memory is pleasant to neither.

She doesn’t really know why she did that. Maybe it’s because he’s everything she’s supposed to want, intelligence and ambition and ingenuity, everything she tells herself is important in a guy. Maybe because he’s in love with her. Maybe because she’s definitely in love with one of her best friends, and he’s the one who makes sense. She takes another hit and hands the blunt back to JJ.

“I’d know,” he repeats, and she knows it’s not her he’s trying to convince. He lays back in the hammock, putting the blunt between his lips and dragging deep before tilting his head back and blowing the smoke into the tumultuous night. She looks back over her shoulder, watching his jaw and the movement of his throat as he exhales. Laying back next to him, she tries not to think about the warmth of his skin against hers, the strength of the body pressed to her side. It’s only JJ, the same reckless, stupid asshole who carried that damn pistol everywhere all summer and has a talent for getting into trouble. He’s not giving her butterflies with his proximity, and she’s not thinking about reaching down and lacing her fingers through his.

Eventually, JJ flicks the roach into the darkness and stands as quickly as he can without tipping Kiara out of the hammock. She starts, not realizing she was dozing on his shoulder until it’s gone. “It’s late,” he says.

She stands as well, tucking her hands into the pocket of her sweatshirt as he kicks at the dirt. “I don’t --” she starts, and the hesitation makes him stop his nervous movement, meeting her eyes. “I don’t want to go home.” He opens his mouth to say something, but she interrupts him. “I can’t go home.”

“Okay,” he says, after a second. He doesn’t want to be alone, either. She nods, and walks past him, picking up her bag. He follows her up to the house, and they stop at the foot of the stairs to the porch, staring at the buzzing light. JJ takes a stuttering inhale Kiara pretends not to hear, and he goes up the stairs first, wrapping a shaking hand the handle to the screen door. He pauses before going in, frozen, and it isn’t until she lays her hand on his shoulder that he summons the courage to push the door open.

They knew the place was going to be tossed, but it still hurts Kiara and kills JJ, to see the overturned table and scattered papers, the couch cushions scattered on the floor and the coffee table flipped. He tries to shuffle backwards, to run from the sharp, fresh grief and the deep, familiar ache of loss and violation, but Kie is in the way, and when he turns to escape she catches him, her arms around his shoulders, his clutched around her waist. “I can’t --” he chokes, his face pressed to her neck, “It’s not --” his breath speeds up, his shoulders shaking. “They --”

“I know,” she says, swallowing down tears, herself, in that same small voice from the night in the hot tub. She knew JJ was broken, on that deep, fundamental level that, intellectually, she could conceptualize, but she could never feel. But that night, seeing the bruises on his ribs, damning as fingerprints, the ghost of his pain, the whisper of breath knocked out and the brush of betrayal, turned her chest inside out. This feels the same way, watching him lose the last shred of some semblance of home to the same kind of mindless anger and selfish authority that claimed the first one. “I know.”

But she’s still here. “Kie…” he breathes. She opens her mouth to reassure him again, but then his hands are on her face and he’s kissing her, deep and rough and desperate. She bursts into flame underneath him, paralysis broken, stupefaction overcome, as the glass walls she’s been watching through crack and shatter at her feet. JJ’s hands wrap around the back of her neck and spread across the small of her back, pushing her up against the door, and she twists her hands into his shaggy, sun-streaked hair. Every desperate question is met with his touch, and she chases it, even as he pulls away in horrified shock.

“Fuck,” he gasps. “Fuck, Kie, I’m so sorry --” He tries to shove himself away from her at the instant she curls her fists in his shirt, and it almost rips as she pulls and he slams back into her. Teeth clash and noses bump and it’s not perfect or soft or loving, but passion born from desperation and terror of what it would mean to stop. Putting his hands on the door on either side of her face, he pushes himself off of her, even as she tries to yank him back. “What are we doing?” he asks, in a voice that won’t like the answer.

“JJ,” she gasps, pushing her fingers back up to tangle in blond, salt-sticky waves. “Shut up.” Pulling his mouth back down on top of hers, she gasps into him as his hands come down and frame her ribs, one of his arms sliding around her waist and the other pushing back up into her hair.

“Don’t you think --” he tries, even as he leans over her, their breathing ragged, his knuckles white in her impossibly soft curls. His forehead is pushed to hers and he can’t pull away any farther, sucked into her gravitational field, helpless to it.

“I don’t want to think,” she insists. “I want this, I need this,” This momentary pause is already too long, and if he stops kissing her, stops touching her, the tears she’s been holding back will crash over her and they won’t stop. The dark room is loud with heavy breathing as she catches the scent of him, salt and sweat and smoke. “I need you.”

His grip falters and the momentary relaxation has her pressing herself against him. “Are you sure?” he asks, and this is a choice, now. This isn’t something that either of them can pawn off as a mistake made in the heat of a desperate moment. He wants this, has wanted it, ever since he met her, but he won’t be a decision half-made, won’t take advantage of vulnerability only to become a regret. He’s giving her a way out, knows her pragmatic nature and her anxious need for well-thought plans. He wants her to think, even if she’s desperate not to.

He’s right, when he almost never is, but she knows that if she waits too long or lets in the doubt that expects her, she will break. “JJ,” she gasps, “Please.” His name, she knows, he can’t resist, not when paired with urgent pleading, and in this way, she makes her choice. He surrenders to her.

They fall onto the creaky pullout, still set up from JJ’s most recent stay, not minding the sheets and blankets wrought asunder by the angry police search. He can’t let go of her, his hands pushing up her sweatshirt, dragging over her sides and up her thighs, tangling in her hair like he’s drinking her in with his touch, intoxicated with the smell of peach in her hair and the taste of sweat on her skin. Kiara lets herself get lost in him, ride the wave of desire pushing through her, moans and gasps when he hits the right spots and closes her eyes as he lifts her shirt over her head and attaches his lips to her neck, his hands finally coming up to cover her tits, and the long careful fingers she’d spent so many afternoons watching prove adept at twisting and pinching her nipples and leaving her begging for him.

She almost rips his t-shirt off, pulling his bare chest against her own and letting the feeling of skin on skin light her up, setting fireworks off behind her eyelids. Wrapping one hand around the arm holding him up, she can feel his teeth on her neck, and she knows he’s leaving marks, and, for once, it doesn’t feel like she’s being claimed. She knows what it is -- proof this is happening, that they’re alive and feeling and crashing together again and again. She sinks her nails into his bicep as his fingers skim below the waistband of her shorts, and feels him smirk against her lips.

“Yeah?” he asks, and the teasing in his voice is tortuous and reminiscent of his old, humorous self, just enough to make her sad for a moment, and when she nods quickly in return, it’s a bid to forget that sadness. His fingers flick open the button of her shorts and as his fingers dip lower, the only thing she can think about, the only thing she can feel, is his touch, his all-consuming presence, radiating heat. The bastard takes his time, her only gratification the press of him against her hip, hot and hard. He teases her through her underwear, and she can’t say she doesn’t enjoy it, arcing into his touch, shocks of pleasure building in incredible anticipation, but he’s going too slow, and he’s wearing too many clothes, still, and the intense want gnawing at her has too much potential to turn into grief.

“Would you just --” she grunts against his mouth, cut off on a moan as he presses his fingers against her clit. “Fucking -- ah,” he works slow, hard, circles, enjoying himself as she tries to form sentences with his hands on her. “Fuck me already!” Because even this can’t be easy, not between the two of them. Because she’ll always be fighting with him, even with her bare chest pressed against his and his hand down her pants.

JJ grins, scraping his teeth over her ear. “What,” he says, still teasing, still bittersweet, as he finally pushes his hand into her underwear, “aren’t you enjoying this?” Slowly, much too slowly, his fingers part the lips of her cunt, pressing down over her clit before finding the wetness further down. JJ practically growls as his middle finger dips between her folds and he finds her soaked, dropping his forehead against the forearm braced above her head. “Fuck, Kie,” he moans, and he can’t disguise the wasted crack in his voice. “God, you’re so fucking wet.” He’s already drunk on her, every new sensation dragging him deeper.

“Your fault,” she stutters as he puts his hands, lean and strong and practiced, to good use, dragging slick fingertips back up to her clit and teasing small circles, rough, calloused skin creating delicious friction. And this -- this is what she was so desperate for, to feel only his touch and the way he pushes her higher, closer to an edge far away from the bleak grief of their every day world. He moans, too, as he dips his middle finger into her and she keens into his mouth, and she’s not thinking anymore, only chasing heat and skin and pleasure, the rest of the night foggy and distant, moonlit and blurred.

She doesn’t even know how much time passes before he’s kissing his way down her body, only that he’s fucked her so well with his hands he has three fingers inside her and she’s asking for more. He pulls his hand away and she lets out an embarrassingly high-pitched noise at the loss of contact, only to end on a gasp when she opens her eyes to see that he has his fingers curled around the waistband of her shorts and his face is hovering near her hips, pupils blown wide as he looks up at her. He asks her something, but blood rushes in her ears as her heart pounds and her chest heaves and it isn’t until his tongue darts out to wet his lips that she realizes what he’s saying.

“Fuck, yes, please,” she whines, and it feels like less than instant before her shorts are on the floor and his head is between her legs, his tongue on her clit, and she screams, pushing her hands into his hair as his mouth launches her higher and keeps her there, wave upon wave crashing over her until her legs are shaking, and when she feels the pull deep in her stomach and he takes half a second to breathe, she has enough presence of mind to yank him back up, slamming his lips down onto hers, tasting herself there.

“Inside me,” she gasps, ragged and raw and scraping. “Now.”

“But you haven’t --” he breathes, and she reaches down, shoving past the waistband of the shorts he’s still wearing, her hand on his cock stopping him dead.

“Now,” she repeats. And then, leans up to kiss him, slightly softer than before, as if in apology for being so rough, but more as a distraction as her hands unbutton his shorts and shove them down his thighs, her hands finding him again and stroking his cock until he’s gasping into her mouth. “Unless,” she says between short kisses, trying to keep her tone light, even as her cunt aches for him. “You changed your mind?”

He scrambles out of his shorts and boxers so fast it’s almost funny, but the laugh falls out of her chest as he braces his forearms on either side of her face, pushing her hair back from her forehead and looking at her so carefully it almost hurts. “I don’t have a condom,” he says, uncharacteristic worry trembling in his voice.

“I’m clean,” she says, her hands reaching up to tangle in his hair once more, to ground her, and disguise their shaking. “You?”

He nods. “What about --”

“I have an IUD,” she says, more grateful than ever for her liberal mother and her own presence of mind.

He licks his lips again, eyes dropping to her mouth before flicking back up to her eyes. “Last chance,” he says, like she’s going to change her mind and push him off of her, run off into the night and leave him here, disgraced and embarrassed. “Still sure?” he asks, like he’s expecting her to say no. She nods without hesitation, caught in his blue eyes, turned cobalt in the half-light. He kisses her one more time, and it’s laden with years of things he hasn’t said, and she surges up with urgency, not ready for the tenderness in his touch. JJ tries to slow her down again, to revel in the moment of bare skin and vulnerability, no matter how guarded it may be, but she reaches down, wrapping her hand around his dick, guiding him closer to her, and he’s falling into her touch, into her orbit, helpless.

She draws him inside her, his forehead dropping to her shoulder with a forsaken, heavy breath. It’s too soft, this moment before he moves, too easy to break, every sense on fire. The air is too close to her skin, too tight around her arms, like she could rip the fabric of it with the barest movement. She wants to be lost in him again, to feel separate, far away and floating above herself, not so torturously in her body, JJ trembling and present above her. “JJ,” she says, opening her eyes to find his, a split-second mistake, the next word hitching on its way out of her chest. “Move.”

He does, mercifully lowering his face to press against her neck, the eye contact too substantial, too burdensome to hold. The bubble surrounding them expands as he works her up to that blissful edge with ease, his mouth letting out a stream of filthy words about how good she feels surrounding him. Closing her eyes, she tilts her head back, letting her hands have free reign over his back, his shoulders, his arms and up into his hair, every place she wants to touch him when she watches his ridiculous muscles ripple under his young, tan skin. He shifts his weight, hooking her knee over his hip so his cock hits exactly the right spot with every thrust, and she cries out, racing higher.

She should have expected that JJ likes to run his mouth -- she only catches parts of what he’s saying, things like ‘so fucking hot’ and ‘sound so fucking good’ and ‘so fucking wet for me’ and as her moans increase in pitch and volume, he growls “c’mon, Kie, cum for me,” and she falls apart. He fucks her through the aftermath and she barely knows what noises are coming out of her mouth, her nails digging angry welts in his back. Just when she thinks she can’t take anymore, he tenses and spills inside her on a half-broken sigh.

Her vision sharpens as he rolls off of her, collapsing on the squeaky bedsprings, and the house is too quiet all of a sudden, the air once again too close. Her breath slows, the sweat cooling on her skin in the soft breeze pushing through the wooden walls, the still-open front door. Neither of them says anything, and Kiara can feel him looking at her, his blown out smile too loud in the fallout. She sits up, almost flinching at the light touch of his fingers on his spine when he picks up a strand of her hair. “I’m gonna pee,” she says, finding her underwear and pulling them on, and then, after half a moment, pulling his discarded t-shirt over her head.

Her head echoes as she steps over the scattered mess to get to the bathroom, like she’s walking through a tunnel. Her legs ache and tremble, and she wraps her arms around herself, numb and falling. She fights tears as she washes her hands. The bathroom is, as always, a deplorable mess, products everywhere and hair all over the sink. Her green bikini top is still on the floor from when she’d forgotten it just the other day, and that girl feels impossibly far from the one staring at herself in the mirror, wearing her best friend’s shirt while he’s naked in the next room. There’d be shame, and guilt, too, if the smell of John B’s deodorant didn’t choke her with overwhelming loss. Bracing her hands on either side of the sink, she can’t hold it back anymore, and sobs spill out of her, harsh and echoing in the small space.

JJ is behind her an instant, half-dressed in basketball shorts and drawing her into his arms, tucking her close to him, her tears hot on his skin. “He’s gone,” she whimpers. “He’s really gone.” He doesn’t say anything, just guides her back to the pullout and straightens the blankets enough for her to fall in. She curls up on her side, crying so hard she can’t breathe, and he climbs in across from her, pushing one arm under her neck and using the other to pull her against him, his lips pressed to her forehead.

Tears leak out of his own eyes, silent and soft to her earth-shattering grief. “It’s gonna be okay,” he reassures her, fighting the quiver in his own voice, his chin shaking with the effort of it. He stares into the empty darkness above her head, every jerk of her prone body another crack in his breaking heart. “He’s coming back,” he says, more to himself than her. “He’s coming back to us.”

When she finally quiets down, the betrayal of dawn is beginning to lighten the sky, the moon fading, and the idea of this night being over feels impossible. For a short while, they breathe each other in, her forehead pressed to his collarbones, his hand trailing up and down her spine. Her head aches and her eyelids fall heavy over gritty, exhausted eyes, but she still fights sleep, stubbornly resisting another day, the beginning of a life without John B and Sarah. “I can’t stay here,” she says, finally, pushing back from him. “I should go home.”

He reaches up to catch her chin as she watches her hands curled close to his chest, reluctant to go. “Kie,” he murmurs, lifting her gaze to meet his. He moves forward to kiss her, and she flattens her palms against his skin, stopping him even as her eyes fall to his lips.

“JJ,” she says, an exhale more than his name. “We -- I mean, I --”

“Shit,” he sighs, and it almost sounds like a laugh, formed from expectations he wished hadn’t come true. “Okay.” His eyes flutter close, and she watches him draw back into himself, close all the doors, like he wants to turn off the lights and pretend he’s not even here. But then, he looks at her again, gently smoothing a curl behind her ear. “It’s just --” he starts, and inhales again, wetting his lips as he struggles to keep his eyes on her deep brown ones. “Can we go back to normal tomorrow?” Her eyebrows push together a fraction of an inch, and he focuses on the wrinkle there, a thousand times easier than holding her gaze. “Please,” he says when she inhales to say something. “I don’t want to be alone.”

It’s the first time either of them have been completely honest all night, and the most he’s said in hours. “Yeah,” she says, agreeing without thinking. Making it about him instead of admitting to herself that she wants to stay, that she doesn’t want to be alone either. “Yeah, okay.” She allows herself to be kissed, to be held and kept softly. JJ twists his fingers in her curls, skims his lips over her hairline before pressing his forehead against hers.

He tucks his hand against the side of her neck, his fingers spanning from her ear to the juncture of her neck and shoulder. “It’s gonna be alright,” he promises, and they both pretend he’s saying it to her. She’s seen JJ cheerful and stubborn, breaking and angry, seen him a thousand different ways. But never like this, kind and soft, quiet in the grey, grieving dawn. Eventually, she falls asleep under his touch and reassuring whispers.

The morning is just as sticky and unforgiving as every other that summer, and she wakes up damp and sticky with sweat. JJ is stretched out on his stomach, arms tucked under his head, mouth slack and hair falling over his eyes. Her head still hurts, and now so do her back and thighs, and she stretches her hand out across the rumpled sheets, tracing the red lines she’d left down his back. He blinks awake, closing his mouth and freezing when he feels her touch on his skin.

“Hey,” she murmurs.

“Hey,” he replies.

She waits for him to say something, but he just watches her, his clear blue eyes unflinching. She bites her lip. “I should get home,” she says, keeping her eyes on the knuckle tracing over his back, his gaze too heavy to hold.

“Yeah,” he says, “okay.” Neither of them move. The world waits on a hair trigger, and JJ’s more familiar with this kind of silence than she is. She wants him to break it first, to be the impulsive hothead he always is, to make the choice for both of them. But he doesn’t, and the moment crumbles, and she sits up and goes in search of her clothes.

He doesn’t say anything until she stoops to pick up her bag, sweatshirt in hand, ready to shove it into the biggest pocket. “Kie,” he says, and she stops dead, looking up at him. She doesn’t know what she wants him to say, but she deflates anyway when he just asks “my shirt?”

She’d forgotten she was wearing it. Pulling it off, she feels his hungry eyes trace up her bare chest as she untangles the drug rug before pulling it down and arranging it around her hips. She tosses him the shirt, and he holds her gaze as he flips it right side out and tugs it on. They stand on either side of the disheveled living room, daring the other person to say something, move, do anything first. He knows what he wants, what he can’t have, what he’s convinced himself he never will. She remembers the line she drew, the boundary she’d very clearly set. He chooses to respect it while she waits for him to break the rules.

Birds sing in the unflinching morning, and a breeze stirs the hair around her face. She slings her backpack over her shoulder. The sun blazes as gulls call and waves lap against the dock. He tilts his chin back, like he always does just before a fight. She turns to go.

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