#and YEAH obviously that’s not the full story. there are other factors.

[apollos-boyfriend]

one thing about me is that i’m ALWAYS thinking about chapter 4 kokichi ouma

[jq37]

I think the wildest part about the Porter isn't that he's evil. As you've said, Brennan's been hinting at Porter being evil this season for a while now, so while it's still shocking, it's not surprising, if you get what I'm saying.

No, it's the fact that this has always been the plan and not something that was reconned in this season. Like, we all thought this was just Brennan taking the bit to its logical conclusion, but no, this has been a reveal five years in the making...

And Emily figured it out Day fucking One by sheer accident!

Yeah for me the thing that floored me wasn't the reveal because that's been on the table for a while now. It was when Brennan said he'd been holding on to it for five years.

Because I even an amazing DM like Brennan can't plan EVERYTHING in advance. Like, the Night Yorb was obviously an addition purely based on the fact that Murph anagrammed Garthy of Brian looking for clues. And I can't imagine Gilear was ever meant to be anything other than a 4 HP divorcee. The Night Yorb fight and Gilear's curse are both pretty clear instances of Brennan running with a bit and working it into the story. But he said he's been sitting on this for FIVE YEARS. Since Freshman year!

I would even be less shocked if he said since Sophmore Year because there is that weird conversation with him, Jace, and Arianwen that finally came up this ep that was never resolved. But since Freshman year? That's nuts!

Second Edit: I am untethered to the passage of time and did my math to figure out when 5 years ago was incorrectly lol. Still impressed Brennan sat on this for so long but 5 years means since Soph Year not Freshman Year. See the replies for me realizing I did my math wrong last night.

If he's not exaggerating then, imo, it's pretty incredible to have this much lore in the back pocket with regard to NPCs that aren't even necessarily factoring into your main story that much. I wonder if this is akin to Mr. Gibbons (dude Aguefort killed to rez Gorgug in ep 2) just being evil and it never being explored but Brennan having had it in his notes. Does he just have a list of 3-5 other evil plots simultaneously happening in the background ready to be stumbled onto or just the general vibes of which teachers are shady?

And, as a sometimes DM, the last time I ran a full length campaign, literally before the game even started--like during Session Zero--I had my BBEG guessed offhandedly by a player just based on her name which wasn't any different from the other names I listed as part of background info and I just went through all the stages of grief internally and then pressed on without changing anything because of Story Integrity. Anyway my point is that it happens and as a DM it is WILD when it does.

Anyway, I am SO excited for the AP tomorrow. Brennan, you better not hold anything back I am SO curious about your DM machinations!

(Edit: Equally excited for Emily's reaction. Adaine is the diviner of the party and, evidently, Emily is the diviner of the table. WILD.)

(Second Edit:

[thornpixie]

I am Team Jeremiah, but that doesn’t mean I hate Conrad. However, I find it very hard to feel any sympathy for him: an essay.

I truly hope Conrad finds happiness. I just don’t think he and Belly are right for each other. And no, I haven’t read the books (you can read my feelings on that argument in another post I’ve done lol), so I’m just going off the show.

I am Team Jeremiah, I make no secret of it. But that’s because he is just the better choice for Belly. Not because he is better than Conrad, full stop. They both have their flaws. Should Jeremiah have made out with his brothers ex girlfriend like that, without at least talking to him first? Hell no. But come on - the guy tried to resist. He tried so hard. Belly kept pushing. And let’s remember what Conrad said to Belly at the start of the season after they kissed - ‘Do you want to be with him?’ ‘Being with you is all I’ve ever wanted.’ ‘Okay so be with me then.’

Belly choosing Conrad over Jeremiah was all that mattered back then, not how it affected anyone else, even though she was quasi-dating his brother for most of the summer. He didn’t give a fuck about Jeremiah and if it wasn’t for Belly saying no, he would have flaunted her immediately, even knowing she had kissed Jere a few times. When he asked Jeremiah for his blessing, I don’t believe he did that for any other reason than Belly would continue to distance herself from him until she believed Jere was over it. Conrad did not go to Jeremiah to make sure he truly was okay. He was ticking a box for Belly. Jeremiah was quite obviously not okay with it but Conrad chose to ignore that because he wanted Belly. We saw that in what he told Belly about it afterwards. He took the parts of the conversation that suited his narrative and the outcome he wanted, and he ran with it. And it worked. Jeremiah got hurt, and Conrad didn’t care, because he had Belly.

Their relationship wasn’t this epic love story. I still don’t understand where it came from. I understand Belly’s crush. But when and how and why did Conrad start loving her? The writers of the show seemed to just say ‘he just does’ and we are supposed to say ‘okay yeah sound makes sense.’ I just don’t understand the timeline. Besides that though… Look, I understand and empathise with the fact that his mom was dying while they were dating, and that he was struggling with his mental health. It was a lot for an 18 year old to deal with. (Of course, Jeremiah was dealing with it, too, but Conrad stans conveniently forget that). But Belly suffered in that relationship because of it, and no one should have to do that. To me, it seemed like she was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for him to pull away. Scared. Maybe Conrad wasn’t going to break up with her at prom, and she jumped the gun, but it says a lot about how she was feeling that she immediately assumed that. A relationship shouldn’t be like that.

Jeremiah, though… from day one he was open and honest with her. He asked her straight up if she could ever love him like she did Conrad and she said YES. Belly said herself - Jeremiah is always there when she needs him. That’s what you need in a life partner. And fuck me, the passion they have. A perfect blend of supportive and passionate. Tie that man DOWN. He is supportive, he defends her, he speaks his mind, he is honest and reliable (the only time we saw him ‘let her down’ in any way was when he missed the dance at the Deb Ball and jeez, he had a damn good reason so no one can blame him). He makes her laugh. They can have fun together, but can also have the serious conversations. I married my best friend and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s honestly amazing to know you have that person who truly sees you, loves and supports you. Who is your comfort. Jeremiah is that for Belly. Honestly, I could go on and on about how Jeremiah is the perfect match for her - and the chemistry between Gavin and Lola definitely adds to it, but it isn’t the only factor - but everyone has probably given up reading by now…

Both boys have been dealt a shit hand, losing their mother. Both boys have made mistakes and have flaws. But they both have incredibly good qualities, too. Personally, I just think that Jeremiah is more suited to Belly, and they will have a happy, healthy relationship.

Also, the way she kissed him back in that episode… I’m sorry but there’s no way she’s not jumping his bones when they start officially dating. It wouldn’t make sense to me. She was smiling against his mouth and knotting her fingers in his hair, and it was ‘Wattpad level hot’, as Taylor would say. Considering she’s already done the deed, I can’t see any logical way for the writers to incorporate a ‘no intimacy’ storyline for them. Especially after that scene in particular, but also their first kiss in the pool back in season one, and the booby fondling in the car - WHERE BELLY STRAIGHT UP SAID SHE WAS NOT NERVOUS BECAUSE IT WAS JEREMIAH. Sorry, but let’s be real - there’s not a chance in hell those two are not banging the brains out of each other. And good on them. So I hope that is a change made to the books. Furthermore, show-Jeremiah cheating? I cannot see it happening. I really really hope it doesn’t.

IF Bonrad must be endgame, then please, Jenny Han, I beg of you to right your wrongs and not assassinate Jeremiah’s character to reach that ending. There are better ways to do it. But I maintain that the better choice for Belly is Jeremiah. And Conrad should meet someone new who is more emotionally mature and able to deal with his very obvious mental health problems. Someone he feels he can open up to about them. Because, as a sufferer myself, you need that support. Belly doesn’t provide that for Conrad and, as a result, Conrad doesn’t give Belly what she needs either.

One last parting thought - what the fuck happened to Jeremiah and Steven’s friendship? Jeremiah told Steven how much he cared for Belly in season one. Why did literally no one listen to him? And how did no one see it in the way his entire personality seemed to shift in season two. He’s lost his sparkle. YES most of that is because of his mom, but is everyone really that blind to him? No one notices that poor guy. He’s completely overshadowed by Conrad in every aspect. Everyone just expects Jeremiah to roll over and let everyone else have their happy ending while he gets trampled on because he’ll ‘just get over it’. Come on. WRITERS - DO BETTER. There is too much phenomenal acting talent in this show to let bad writing and tropes ruin it.

In conclusion, I haven’t written this much on one topic since I did my degree and I am obsessed with this show. Goodbye.

[vickyvicarious]

I love how Mina wants to learn about whaling from decades ago from a local expert. She'd have loved listening to Ishmael and writing down all the infodumping, like now. I know she often says her diary is an exercise on shorthand and journalism with the purpose to be useful partner to Jonathan's work but she's clearly full of energy (running up the 199 steps instead of resting from her trip) and hungry for learning new things unrelated to Jonathan's job. (and tbf Jonathan wrote down Transylvanian historical and ethnographic facts specifically so he can discuss everything with Mina later, so she's not the only one focusing on the other)

Mina loves learning things!!!! In some ways it doesn't even seem to matter what sort of things. Like, she's obviously got preferences, but she also just clearly really enjoys learning in and of itself. She is constantly expressing interest in different topics, or revealing that she previously looked into that one, or admiring the knowledge and expertise people have to offer.

Especially when something is new to her! She skipped out of the Westenras' mandatory social upkeep (duty calls) because the choice was that or getting to look around a place she's never been, to explore, to see the sights she's only read about, to talk to locals. And when he doesn't want to indulge her in her initial chosen topic (spooky stuff!) she doesn't mind, just thinks, "he looks like I could learn interesting things from" and tries to ask more about his stories. I doubt she ever had an interest in whaling before this, but now she does! Local experts are absolutely her jam.

And yeah, she tries to dress everything up as necessary for A Task because she has hangups about her actions having to be purposeful likely due in part to her background, but it's so obvious that even when that is a factor, it's far from the only reason why. She would definitely love listening to Ishmael infodump (though then she'd read up further herself and maybe come back with some questions about some of his more creative classifications, etc.) or Arronax or Nemo ( I hope @lxgentlefolkcomic will include a scene of one of these or hint to her doing so offscreen at some point).

Both the Harkers are thinking of one another often. But it's definitely an added bonus rather than the only reason for stuff like this. Jonathan also seems to enjoy learning new things, if maybe less intensely than Mina, but he enjoys watching her learn and enjoy herself. And he has plenty of energy too. Whenever they go on vacation somewhere, they're gonna be out and about exploring and meeting people and seeing all the sights all day long to an extent that would be grueling to most people.

[anthurak]

How do you see Lilith being portrayed as a character in the future? Particularly when it comes to her relationship with Lucifer and Charlie as well as whatever deal she had with Adam and her potential connection to Alastor? I for the most part view her as a morally grey sort, having genuine love for her family and wanting what’s best for them but also willing to do some messed up shit do what she feels is best for them and herself.

Oooh, yeah this is a good one. Mostly because it lets me talk about a few theories I’ve never gotten around to discussing :)

I think Lilith is basically going to end up being Charlie’s big ‘Ideological Antagonist’ and ‘Shadow Archetype/Foil’ for the story. Note that I specify ‘antagonist’ and not full on ‘villain’ because I think Lilith is NOT going to be a character Charlie needs to ‘defeat’, but rather prove wrong.

The key thing about Lilith is that I think she ultimately wants the same thing Charlie does deep down: To protect Hell and its people and stop heaven’s extermination/oppression of Hell. I think we’re going to find out that just as Charlie has HER plans and ideas to help her people and stop the extermination, Lilith has her own ongoing plans. Indeed, I think this is EXACTLY what led to Lilith disappearing seven years ago and is tied up to what exactly she’s doing in Heaven now.

However, whatever plans Lilith has will not only directly conflict with Charlie’s, but also represent a dark, much more ruthless foil to Charlie.

For example, whereas Charlie might be working to establish some kind of peace with Heaven via working with sympathetic angels like Emily and Serpentious, Lilith is at the same time scheming to undermine and ultimately DESTROY Heaven from the inside. Which in turn is what brings the two into conflict.

And of course, it’s also made clear from the outset that Lilith is doing all of this out if love. Love for her people, love for Lucifer and most of all her love for Charlie. But at the same time, Lilith is unable to forgive Heaven for what they did to her, Lucifer and her people in Hell.

Ultimately, I think Lilith is going to represent the darker, more ruthless foil of Charlie. Driven by the same good-hearted motivations, but twisted by guilt and trauma that she’s never been able to let go of. Which incidentally would make her a very nice foil to Vaggie as well, continuing the trend of both Charlie and Vaggie having parallels and foils to both Lilith and Lucifer.

Speaking of which, I imagine Lilith and Lucifer, as well as their estrangement, will likewise be acting as a foil to Charlie and Vaggie. Showing us that Lilith and Lucifer went through similar relationship problems that Charlie and Vaggie had/will-have. And not only showing Charlie and Vaggie pointedly NOT repeating the mistakes of their predecessors, but also helping Charlie’s parents get back together.

Basically, as I’ve said in other posts, I think Hazbin Hotel is setting up a major theme of ‘children/next-generation not repeating the mistakes of their parents/predecessors’ with Charlie/Vaggie to Lucifer/Lilith, and potentially the rest of the ‘Eden Quartet’ with Emily and Lute as parallels/foils to Eve and Adam.

As far as how Alastor factors into all this, at this point I’ll admit that I’m now thinking the one holding his leash isn’t Lilith, but rather Roo/Eve. That being said, Alastor having disappeared at around the same time Lilith did is obviously NOT a coincidence, though I’m thinking it hints less to any connection between Lilith and Alastor, and more to some kind of connection/collusion between Lilith and Roo/Eve.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

One thing I've noticed, and this is something that going through this blog reinforced, is that the one big difference between Zutara shippers and kataang shippers and both of their antis is that most people who are kataang shippers that dislike zutara don't hate Zuko or his role in the story. Most zutara antis and Kataang shippers seem to have a problem mostly with zutara shippers themselves and their toxic behavior. While most Kataang antis and zutara shippers, I don't wanna say all of them or even most, but an alarmingly large number of them seem to have an irrational hatred for Aang specifically and nothing would make them happier if Aang were written out of the story.

I'm not saying all zutara shippers hate aang or that no kataang shippers hate Zuko, obviously you can find examples of both if you look, but to me that's mostly what defines each side of this shipping war. Zutara shippers hate Aang for ruing their crack ship, Kataang shippers hate zutara shippers for being assholes. Obviously this a super simple explanation and ignores a lot of nuance and other factors, like that other segments of the fandom who don't even like Kataang or shipping general also disliking zutara because of toxic behavior or zutarans equally irrational hatred for Mai, but that's how I usually explain this ship war to people who try to dismiss both sides as equally bad.

Yup. Like I've repeatedly said, I used to not be into either ship - but not once in five years did a Kataang shipper EVER try to force me to like it, or say that I thought it was well written despite not being to my taste, or that I thought it was still better than Zutara. They also never sent me death/rape threats over saying I prefered her with Jet or Haru.

Zutarians meanwhile would not shut the fuck up, cosntantly trying to get me to "admit" there was something there or that I at least thought it was better than Kataang. They REPEATEDLY kept trying to pretend it was "the fandom's ship" - as in everyone, every single Avatar fan, was into it, me included. And as soon as I posted anything about Maiko, or about me starting to warm up to Kataang, or even just loving Aang as a character? Tons of passive aggressive asks about how these characters suck actually.

The more I ignored them or responded to point out their bad behavior, the more unhinged said behavior got. And once I noticed lots of my friends, friends of my friends, and even people that I had never talked to before being like "Oh yeah, threatening to dox/rape/kill you is just what they do" I just couldn't think of the Zutara fanbase as being anything but rotten.

They care so much about having bigger numbers and lots of engagement, that they turn a blind eye, and sometimes full on encourage, the people in the fandom that are entitled downright disturbed. As a result, the people that like the ship but this behavior is appaling stop interacting, and those that just want an excuse to be dicks to strangers online flock to it, and the fandom grows more and more toxic.

[kimberlyannharts]

Ultraman: Rising!

Sure we all know the Power Rangers reboot has been passed on at Netflix but instead we have this hot new piece of toku instead: Ultraman: Rising! And I finally got the chance to check it out last night.

I know Ultraman is one of the big toku/kaiju genre staples but it's never really been on my radar of things to watch. I'm not sure why! I guess Super Sentai/Power Rangers just has more of the it factor that appeals to me. So because of that I really have no context to the story besides it's a guy who can turn into a giant silver superhero that beats up kaiju.........or maybe it's an alien who looks like a human and the silver superhero is his true form? or maybe the human and the silver superhero are two separate beings that share the same body? idk. It's probably all three of those things depending on the series. But this film was marketed as a standalone that new fans could enjoy AND....the big one.....it's ANIMATED, so I felt more inclined to check it out.

And it was really really good!! I enjoyed it a lot!

Spoiler-ish thoughts on the film below:

= Let's get this out of the way: the biggest draw to this was the animation and art direction, and yeah, it slaps. The textures and stylization (always love 2D painted effect animation on explosions and things) and lighting were a full-course meal and the scenes where they focused on Ultraman's shining eyes staring through a window or computer screen were just SO striking. To the point where I feel that if I got around to watching the actual live-action Ultraman, it might feel a little underwhelming in comparison. Oops

= It does kind of fall in the cliches of the "selfish guy learns maturity by having to be a father" plot (with bonus "son is estranged from his dad and mom is missing but they work to improve their relationship" sprinkled in) which makes me appreciate The Return even more (sorry, I'm still Returnpilled) but it's still charming and I can hope if we get more movies they give a little more focus to Ami and Emiko (speaking of which, I know they weren't doing a romance this movie, but Ami having a daughter and the movie being about Ken raising a daughter? oh you know it's happening and I'm here for this because they're both so hot)

= I think Ken is also a better example of the "showboating egotistical hero who learns to mature" than most because the movie isn't afraid to show him vulnerable even before his character development. I was genuinely surprised at that scene where he starts crying out of the stress of balancing his baseball career and figuring out Emi

= Apparently there was some discussion that the movie didn't bring up Ultraman's origins which, as someone who knows next to nothing about Ultraman, that didn't really bother me? Obviously I can still give more benefit of the doubt than people who don't know much about the tokusatsu/kaiju genre to begin with, but even so, I was still pretty down with the concept of "this guy has the ability to turn into a giant silver superpowered man and passed the ability down to his son" - and I think in the age of superhero blockbusters in general the idea isn't that farfetched that it requires more explanation. In any case it's a bit of a moot point since future movies are clearly going to talk about Ultras and their origins more, based on the stinger.

= Is Emi a clear kid-appeal character meant to be shown off in marketing and merchandising because of how squishy and cute she is? Yes. Is she just so fucking squishy and cute and my newest baby child? YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES. I am not immune to monster baby. I think it helps that I always found the old monster screeches cute and applying them to a baby babbling was kinda genius in its execution. And I'm glad they kind of got the obligatory "haha babies poop and are smelly and gross" jokes out of the way early (yeah they had the whole "acid reflux" thing in the second act but I've seen way worse in other media)

= The subtitles calling Sato's Ultra form "Ultradad" and his Ultra mustache were both really funny

= Obviously I knew Ken wasn't going to die when he threw himself on Dr. Onda's mech (btw the mech was sexy) but I definitely expected a little more than just a busted arm with how they were building up how the blast would have "destroyed them all" kdjkfdj maybe they cut to after he had recovered a bit. Though in general I'm not quite sure of how durable Ultraman is

= Kind of a milf. reblog

[rhonuscorner]

PSA. Discord scam alert

Just wanna warn my followers for this scam that's doing the rounds on discord and I think this has been going around for quite a while already.

If you receive a message from someone in your friendlist asking for help, and they spout some story about how they were being deceived by someone with a similar name to yours, and they accidentally reported you instead of them <- THIS IS A SCAMMER who gained access to this account and they will try to extract money from you to keep your account from being deleted.

They will say you have to add someone from discord support to solve this problem. This person is also a scammer.

Don't make the same mistake I did. Block the hacked account immediately.

I had this happen to me this Friday, same as a friend of mine. It's easy to say, "Oh I will never fall for this." Yeah, that's what I always thought too, until it happens to you. In hindsight the red flags were so obvious, but it's difficult to think logically in a panic, and they will try to make you panic.

I fortunately still have partial access to my discord so the people in my friendlist are safe - this is also your friendly reminder to ENABLE MULTI-FACTOR AUTHENTICATION!!! And obviously, never give your codes to anyone. My discord is now on the scammer's email but they can't log in because of multi-factor authentication. I'm still waiting to hear back from discord to hopefully get my account back in my full possession soon.

But yeah, I just wanna give out a warning. I would appreciate if you reblog this, even if only to warn other people so they don't fall for the same trap.

These scammer assholes will try to bleed you dry if you let them.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Kinou Nani tabeta. aka My Heart is Full aka I suck at titles

Let me just say before anything else. This is not a recap or a review. This is me feeling the need to write down my feelings because they are pouring out of me. This is more a personal note than anything else so skip it if that's not your thing.

I always watch this show on saturday mornings, with my coffee and breakfast, because it gives me a boost for the weekend. And I wanted to postpone the final episode as much as possible but I just couldn't. I gave in.

Second FYI. This will probably be incoherent and a mess because that's how I feel. Also, this fucking menopause (surgical, don't give me too many extra years) is really making a mess of my emotional state this week, so I'm all over the place. Also I might've had some wine. Also this may be a bit long. I think that's it.

How I got here

So, I've loved cinema since I was like 7. (yeah I'm going really back in time) Because my mom like films, she dragged to the cinema even when I was way too young for whatever was on. [ Fun Side note- The first film that I saw in the cinema was Bram Stoker's Dracula, when I was like 6, and my mum got into an argument with the cinema employee because" I am her mother, and I'll decide what she can or can't watch"and so I did watch it.]

So I always loved watching films, talking about them and eventually went to uni to learn how to make them. During that time, I went through a phase (which happened to a couple other people in my school) where I kinda got emotionally detached from the stories. I could only see the camera angles, the lighting, the editing, etc.

When I was done with uni, and had decided that editing was my favourite thing I started doing a bit of work in editing, mostly online stuff and a couple of ads in London, and 3 years later I was done. Obviously there were life factors and health factors that contributed to this, but still I left it all behind.

Then, I quickly went back to being able to watch stories with all the emotions.

Let's skip forward to present day.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? feel in my lap by way of my very first BL. Seven Days. I watched those films and went through all the emotions and needed more. More of that serotonin please.

So I got in research mode and that's when I found this wonderful world of BL and eventually this show.

Now, a little bit more about me, just in case you aren't sick of me talking about myself. I'm not a jolly person. If you asked anyone that knows me irl, they would describe me as someone who always thinks the sky is falling. However, I also love a lot of things deeply, and when it comes to things that I can't find a word big enough for it I call it magic. So I'll use it here.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? is magic.

If this show was a meal then the absolutely right ingredients were found, they were put in the hands of the best cooks and everything was prepared with love and care. This show that I love, was put together by people who love it, and couldn't not make it. This is what I believe. It's my kind of faith.

I've seen so many shows, I've loved so many of them, a lot of them touched me deeply. But only a few touched me this way.

When there is love in something, real care and empathy in the making of something, you can feel it, I believe. And I feel it so much watching this show. I get emotional just writing this.

I wish I could thank every single person that made this show possible. And we could argue all day about the quality of a show, its actors, writers or directors. I could argue why my favourite show is better than your favourite show, and why your show is more important than my show, and why that show failed and another succeeded. I will not argue about the importance of this show and my faith is unshakable.

Maybe because I love food so much and in my life my love filled moments were always around food, I connected at first with Kenji, because his reactions to food resemble mine. But this season Shiro stole my heart and soul. His quiet but profound way of loving Kenji made cry more than any sad scene ever could. And onions and chicken thighs will forever have deeper meaning in my kitchen. These two characters are so well written and so well acted, the words are so layered and so meaningful, that it's a miracle to me that it exists and that I got to watch it.

I'm sure other people will write much better posts about this show, and will probably be better (at a hell of a lot more on point) at writing about all the amazing things that this show has done. But I'm an emotional wreck and I could only write from a personal place today.

I'll be rewatching this show in it's entirety soon, because the evolution of these characters, Shiro specially, was such a joy to witness.

If you read this far, thank you. 💜

[inbarfink]

Random question but I just realized/remembered that Calvin and Sam were YOUNGER than Barbara.

Yet I don't remember them being babysat by her the night she died so where do you think they were?

Also I was wondering if I'm the only one who thinks Rick might not have killed Barbara?

Cause it COULD be possible that the serial killer/deranged fan part of the comic could have been real. Meaning that that could be why Rick disappeared.

Anywho sorry for the out of the blue question/rant. I just didn't know who else to ask.

(Sorry for the late reply @hannahhook7744, it's been kind of a Weird Hectic Weekend for me)

The thing about Barbara's Death Sequence is that it's really the most 'distant' one we've had. Most other Finches have records written by themselves just before their deaths or written by someone close to them just after their deaths. Barbara got a fictionlized comic book written by strangers for strangers that came out a full year after her death.

Sure, it seems like the Finch family collaborated on the story (since they've got the music box in there), but it's still pretty different from Molly's diary or Lewis' therapy notes. Espacially as a lot of little details in Barbara's room seem to contradict the story. So it's probable that Sam and Calvin were also being babysat by Barbara that night, but as they didn't figure into the narrative the comic-writers were telling they just casually dropped them from the narrative or merged all three younger brothers into Walter's role.

Or maybe they were out having a sleepover with friends or a boyscout camping trip or something but the comic didn't mention it, cause, again, it didn't factor into it's story. This comic was obviously not a serious documentation of Barbara's death, it's a fictional horror story targeted at people with just a casual understanding of the Finch Family outside of Barbara - if at that. So if that comic dedicated a whole narration box to "and also Barbara had two other little brothers but they were off at camp and had nothhing to do with this story" that would just seem Weird to the in-universe readers of 'Dreadful Stories'. Even if it might be useful to us, the REAL audience trying to piece together the timeline of the Finch family.

(Also I do suspect that at some point of WRoEF development Calvin was supposed to die before Barbara and then their timelines ended up being Switched so the Weirdness here might be a remnant of that)

As for the matter of Rick. I think the reason why he's considered the Prime Suspect of Barbara's death within the fandom is due to the Law of Conservation of Detail. You know, like, Details in stories come up because they're important to the story in same way. And yeah, 'What Remains of Edith Finch' is not exactly a traditional narrative and not every detail here has to "further the plot" - but even the most unimportant little details in WroEF still serve to add flavor to the characters, atmosphere and the themes. Which are things that are important to the story.

So why bring up the fact that Barbara had a boyfriend and even give him a name and a face? (which is very rare for anyone outside of the Finch Family in this game) Why doesn't Barbara just die alone in the house with just Walter? Rick has to be Important in some way if the game went to all this effort to create and establish his existence to us, right?

Plus, there's the thematic role of 'Dreadful Stories' within the narrative. Personally, I can't see the idea of there really being a serial killer or a real-life crazed fan that inspired the 'monsters' at the end of the comic. Because my read of 'Dreadful Stories' is that it's made to be so ridiculous and sensational- with both a serial killer AND monsters out to get Barbara - to showcase a little taste of the wild and weird stories being told about Barbara's death. And to put the first subtle little wrinkle in the poetic idea that the Finches deaths always match their lives - Edie had to choose this silly little comic to deliberatly turn Barbara's death into something horror themed. And if she chose something a little closer to reality, it would've turned out to be much different.

So what is the mundane Not-Thematic-Enough-For-Edie's-Tastes way for Barbara to get murdered? I can see why for a lot of people, the 'obvious answer' was 'got killed in an argument with her boyfriend'. Since, again, we need to have a reason why he exists in the first place.

...Although that's actually not my favorite theory lol

I think Barbara's death was even more mundane than that. One of the few details about Barbara's death we can confirm are based on reality is the moment where she pushes the killer off the railing.

In the current-day Finch House this little piece of railing IS noticeably broken.

So someone did absolutely fall off the second floor of the Finch House at some point.

So what I think happened is that Rick and Barbara did have some sort of a lover's tiff that night, then Barbara slipped on these rollerskates the Hookman slipped on in the comic.

In a panic she tried to grab on to something and only managed to catch one of Rick's crutches. (The important thing here is that Barbara is ALWAYS memorialized holding that crutch. Even in pieces that were made prior to the comic's printing, like her portrait)

So that part of her story has to be true in some way.

Barbara's death was just yet another Patented Tragic Finch Accident, but suspicions kept falling on Rick from the General Public and the media, and so he had to go into hiding. Meanwhile the Finch Family, or at least Edie, kept promoting the most Bonkers version of her story they could find.

[lyrichi]

This is literally my first post ever but brainrot hit me like a train

Long story short; Obey Me x Cult of the Lamb! MC

Putting on some music so that I can get through this whole thought process

OKAY SO

I was playing cult of the lamb for the past like 3 hrs cause why not and it fucking hit me -- CotL MC and OM MC are both sheep things

So I thought what if they were the same

First off in this little au thing that my brain conjored here are some solid factors;

Barbatos, Diavolo and Lucifer know that mc runs a cult cause files and shit but they didn't share w anyone else who's involved in the program cause they didn't want to cause chaos and/or confusion

Narinder and Lilith are related closely but not the same person - like they're not blood related or anything but basically Lilith's death caused Narinder's "birth" or whatever

MC still has those cult recruitment abilities in the devildom but they don't try anything unless it's on lower level demons (they're tempted to try to recruit one or more of the brothers because of name rep but haven't risked it)

Solomon was apart of MC's cult but was a resenter and left after MC wasn't able to reeducate him (also doesn't tell anyone but vaguely holds it over the dateables' ((- the ones who know)) heads that they know more abt MC than they do)

They see each other for the first time and it's like that one spider man meme

MC is vaguely aware of the other worlds before entering the devildom before being summoned (?) for the program because of Narinder

MC is very good at cleaning/cooking/being the parent cause of the cult so they're basically unfazed by wack shit that happens

yeah ok uh

I have no clue whats gonna happen with this random ass au that I've made so here's some shenanigans;

--

I feel that everyone else would find out abt the cult MC runs at dinner or something. Like, they're a bit tipsy and blurt it out to mammon and he says it a bit to loud (this is w the brothers);

MC downs another shot of whatever human-working alcohol they have and turn to face Mammon again. "So that's how I became a cult leader"

Mammon, obviously shocked, does a spittake on whatever he's drinking and whips his head towards MC. "You're a cult leader?!"

Obviously having said that a bit too loud, that causes all surrounding conversations to pause, possibly with a faint record scratch. MC realises that everyone's looking at them with variations of confusion and shock, and pauses themself. They look at Mammon with confusion in their eyes and answer.

"Yeah?" They look around at the varying stares and ask, "What's so wrong with that?"

A few seconds pass before anyone says anything. Satan clears his throat and starts, "You're the leader of-" but before he could finish anything Asmo pipes in, standing up and slamming his hands on the table. "For who?!"

"Uh.." MC looks away, not knowing how to explain their predicament, despite this new conflict bringing them right back to being sober. Before they could even think of what to say, the table erupts into questions and theories.

After a few minutes Lucifer calms down everyone, and turns to MC to let them continue.

"Not to burst bubbles, but it's for none of you."

They pause before speaking again, "I didn't mean it like that- it's just--"

Asmo sinks into his seat with some sort of defeated noise and Belphie comments; "See, I told you."

MC continues, ignoring them. "I was kind of forced into it.. I'm not being hurt or anything though!" MC waves their hands around in the air a bit trying to collect their thoughts before sighing. "That's why I leave to the human world every day."

MC offers this like it's some kind of grand explanation, but they really have no idea how to explain anything.

Beel, who didn't seem like he was paying any attention in the first place looks up with his mouth full and asks, "Why'd you hide it?"

"I didn't, Lucy did" MC takes a bite of whatever noodles were made with dinner tonight. They outwardly seem to be trying to avert attention from themself.

Satan mutters an "of course he did" before Mammon turns to Lucifer and loudly asks "Why?"

Lucifer composes himself before answering "I don't want to make their time here worse as we got used to having a human here in Devildom"

A few beats of silence go by before everyone starts talking over eachother again. Lucifer tries to quiet everyone down again, but MC interrupts with a simple "If you have any questions, just ask."

Silence falls over the table again, before Levi asks a question that he was almost positive everyone else had. "Why are you so devoted to it?"

MC chews for a second before answering. "My followers can't really take care of themselves, so if I'm not there at least once every two days, one or more of them will get sick, start resenting, or die."

--

Etc etc.....

Yeah idk what else to do I think that night will just go on like that

Um

I feel that the rest of the ppl who don't know find out through the grape vine and it becomes that week's gossip. This is also how people find out which demons are apart of their cult and which aren't. Like with the clothing change and MC interacting with them a lot more

The gossip also kind of expands their cult, which MC is all for.

I feel like the demon bros would want to join but MC wouldn't let them because (after finding out about the cults run by humans for said brothers) they don't want to merge cults because of how close they are with their followers

I feel that the cult might split into two; the human half and the demon half.

The human half is exactly like the CotL cult, how they need to be taken care of basically and need sermons basically every day and what not. While the demon half is kind of just a RAD after school club where they get together every Friday or something and MC just checks up on them to make sure nobody is dying or something

------

Yeah that's it I might add to this in the future

I might also do one of these for the binding of Issac

Love that game

Yeah anyway this is quite literally my first post ever uh

Hydrate y'all <3

[annabtg]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @squintclover, thank you so much!! ❤️❤️

AO3 username: AnnaBtG

1. How many works do you have on A03? 55 (plus one unreleased)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 233k (about 7k of which are other people's writing in co-authored works)

3. What fandoms do you write for? My AO3 only has HP stuff, and most of it is Jily.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Nom De Plume

The Great James Potter

Mistletoe Mishaps

AO3 Is Down

As If By Magic

5. Do you respond to comments? Always!! I am the staunchest advocate of commenting on fics and replying to comments is the least I can do to show a reader how appreciated their comments are. :)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I'll say Fixed Luck, because it pretends to give you hope even though in reality all it does is fill you with dread.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I have a lot of fluffy and happy fics! Maybe Nom De Plume, because it's a no Voldemort AU and by the end everything is settled and they live happily ever after!

8. Do you get hate on fics? I wouldn't say full-on hate but some people have objections with the ways I portray Sirius and Lily's relationship, both in romantic and platonic contexts. :p

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? A bit, yeah! Most of it is loving, tender and not super graphic.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Not really! Though I still want to finish writing that "Lily is a Lois & Clark fan" story. xD

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I don't think so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Over Spilt Coffee has been translated in Russian (and I've also written a Greek translation). The translations are linked in the author's notes. There was also a Spanish translation of Birthday but it's been deleted.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? A couple! I've collaborated on taller than the trees with @eemolu, and there are also the two Jily Express Jilytober fics, Soups and Broom Closet Shenanigans and The One Where All The Smut Had Already Happened.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Jily, obviously!!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Through Times Of War on FF.net.

16. What are your writing strengths? Being evocative with few words, and a very polished style with attention to detail.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Coming up with ideas! Particularly for longer works. Elaborate plots are not my friends.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I've done it in the past, and I think it served its purpose, but I would rather avoid it unless absolutely necessary.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? The answer changes depending on various factors, including the definition of favourite xD but My Best Friend's Girl is one of the stories that are dearest in my heart!

Tagging @abihastastybeans @charmsandtealeaves @chierafied @eemolu @fiendishfyre @ginnyw-potter @jamesunderwater @kay-elle-cee @nodirectionhome-ao3 @roalinda!

[sburbian-sage]

Is it just me, or is there something actually fucking WRONG with the Joy aspect?

I've only ever had two coplayers who had it, and they gave me majorly freaky vibes.

One of them was a Knight of Joy, and I think he was having a full-blown anxiety attack every single combat? Like, it was part of his arsenal, made him stronger, also made him scream in terror basically the whole time. Ended every fight hyperventilating. Never got to know him that well, but the few conversations we did have were unbearable. Just this horrible feeling welling up inside me the entire time- and the guy CLEARLY NOTICING and trying to stop it, while denying that he was causing it. Everything he said made me feel worse and worse even though it was all technically innocuous.

Other guy was worse. Different session, Mage of Joy. Man, I thought laughing constantly was just a Rain player thing. No. Hell no. Sometimes I think I still hear him and basically flip the fuck out.

One time he snuck into my house and the laughter made me wake up and I saw him standing there giggling and staring at me in the dark and I will never ever forget how he "forgave" me for waking up and ruining his "funny prank" (still not sure what exactly the prank was supposed to be...). And when I started yelling at him and asking why he was being such a creep he said that it was okay because he had "already been forgiven".

I cannot stress enough how that was just one thing out of way too many to list. Every fucking day with this guy he'd do or say something fucked up like that, but thinking about this is making me feel ill so I'm gonna stop.

Point is... Got another Joy player in my current session. Bard of Joy. I feel like those first two guys might have been weird outliers, and this guy seems more normal SO FAR, but I'm just really really scared to talk to him much. Can you tell me if my experiences before were unusual, or any general advice on how to deal with Joy players?

Yeah, I know what you mean. Joy embodies laughter AND fear so you get a lot of types who start roleplaying as The Jonkler. To be fair, it is working considering how scared shitless you were, and how I'm laughing about it, but the point remains. I think the "thematic meaning" of their Aspect is dark comedy or bathos? Obviously "laughter and fear" sums up a lot of dark jokes or "I can't tell if I'm supposed to be laughing" moments, but I can see how the "redemption" angle can play in here. You can watch a movie and some grotesquely horrific stuff will go down, but if it's funny and horrific, that makes it a lot easier to watch. Similarly, completely ridiculous shenanigans with no obvious point to them suddenly "pay off" when it turns out there was a point (advancing the story, dramatic reveals, etc).

As far as the Knight of Joy goes, I can kinda see what they're doing, but I also think they're missing the point. I see Rage players do the same thing, where they try to get really mad during a fight, so they can be "empowered by Rage". Even though that's not what that means, Rage is about authority and external control and it only elementally manifests as yelling. Feeling afraid while fighting technically works, but there's more efficient methods. Not "fighting while laughing your head off", which might be scarier, but maybe fighting in a way that engenders feelings of fear and laughter? Just saying.

As far as the Bard of Joy, you either just got a burst of really really good luck or really really bad luck. They could invite the destruction of fear, thus putting an end to the constant creep factor you've been experiencing. Or they could invite destruction through fear, thus becoming Literally The Chuckler. In fact, passively destroying fear might actually lead to the creation of fear if it turns out "fear" includes self-preservation instincts or social tact. And worst of all, they could passively invite the destruction of laughter and comedy, thus making everything boring! Truly the worst outcome, more terrible than people with uncertain intentions breaking into your room at night.

No matter how you slice it, the best way to "deal with" people like this is to... Talk to them? Maybe bring up "hey I've had some bad experiences with Joy players who seemed to get a kick out of deliberately antagonizing me, I understand our Classpects make us do stuff we dislike but maybe we could work something out so we're cool with each other"? Don't come across like you're judging them for nothing but rolling their Title, it's really annoying when people get presumptuous over RNG (Life players who immediately got treated like Team Mommy who has to fix everyone's boo-boos and take care of them and tousle their hair while calling them your little pogchamp, back me up on this). But people with the "scarier" Aspects tend to understand the reservations people have, which is why they establish boundaries like "only do the Heart Thing on me with permission or if I'm in a critical state" or "if you use your Rage powers to win an argument with me I will kick you between the legs so hard the Genesis Frog will feel it".

[girl4music]

Waiting In The Wings

God damn. What an episode. Kinda reminded me of ‘I Only Have Eyes For You’ with Buffy and Angelus. But of course the influence was a lot more serious there. When it comes to romance in the Buffyverse it seems to always involve magic or some kind of mind control. And I have to say that it doesn’t really bother me all that much when BOTH parties are under the influence. It only bothers me when it’s one party doing it to the other because obviously that’s not mutually non-consensual. That’s why it bothers me with Willow and Tara so much what happens between them. Because Willow isn’t under the spell with Tara. Or at least not that spell. It’s because she puts her under the spell why it’s not mutually non-consensual and obviously it becomes a physical violation as soon as they’re sexually intimate. With mutual mind control or being under a spell or some sort of magical influence it’s not so bad. I mean yeah, the dialogue between Angel and Cordelia was icky and corny but it wasn’t them so it doesn’t matter. Non-consent like that is fine. And it was a great episode. Full of meaning about being forced to do and say things that you don’t want to. This is when writing about non-consent is useful and beneficial. When you’re actually pointing out why it’s not a good thing. Acknowledging and addressing it for being what it is. A violation. An assault. Or full out rape. That’s perfectly fine. And probably necessary. But when you’re writing non-consent into a scene and then completely ignoring it for being exactly that that’s when I will take severe issue with it. Because it sends a really bad message to whoever is watching. And I hope I don’t have to see anymore of that in ‘AtS’ unless it is mutually non-consensual and it is acknowledged and addressed properly for being that.

Like I said. This episode reminded me very much of ‘I Only Have Eyes For You’ and I don’t have a problem with that episode either aside from the statutory factor but that’s something that helps to tell the story.

[sebastianshaw]

So, this is an absolutely bizarre and really dark question but, like, Haven is pregnant for literally years, yeah? Why do you think that is? (narratively speaking - why did they include it?)

Because, for me, when I see that story detail, the first thing I think of is that thing that sometimes happens when a woman becomes convinced that she's pregnant when she absolutely isn't. One trait of that particular kind of mental health crisis is the idea that the pregnancy is especially long lasting. But, while the stupidly dark and vaguely inappropriate nature of this subject matter is in keeping with those x-factor comics, I don't know if they were trying to invoke this.

I haven't actually read this storyline particularly closely, so I really can't remember. Is there a moment when the idea of her pregnancy being fake is floated? Like "we thought she was lying/delusional but no, actually"?

Or is it something else entirely? There are probably other contexts for overly long pregnancies, but my mind only went to the one, very dark place.

But yeah. I guess I was wondering what you thought this element of her story brings to the whole thing. Because they could very easily have not included it.

The idea is never floated in canon to my recall, no. Uncannyxmen.net speculates she could have just been totally "schizophrenic" (their words and not mine) for twenty years and THEN very suddenly gotten possessed by and given "birth" to the Adversary but that would be a bizarre coincidence. Admittedly X-comics are full of those, but I think if that was the intent, it would have been specified. But no, we're never given any hint that she's wrong about the fact she's pregnant, just that she's incorrect about with what. Obviously, she's not showing, and she implies she's never told ANYONE else about being pregnant, or how it happened, before Xavier. We know she has a cult and she speaks openly about The Voice Within, so she clearly does talk about hearing The Voice, I guess she just doesn't specify that it's from her unborn child because, presumably, she's ashamed of it. As for why Uncannyxmen.net raised that possibility in the first place when there was no indication of it, it was in answer to "how could she be pregnant for 20 years when the X-Men defeated the Adversary not ten years ago in The Fall of the Mutants?" so they were like "well she was just nuts for like 19 of those years but THEN she really did have something inside her talking to her" but like. . .I feel like if we're talking about a phenomenally powerful cosmic entity of chaos, time travel is hardly out of the question. Other characters think Haven is crazy, but that's because they don't KNOW that she's pregnant (though presumably would still think she was crazy if they did) but we're not given any reason to think she's wrong that the Adversary is specifically not inhabiting her but her unborn child so that it can be reborn into our world in a physical body. Hence why it would use her baby and not her, because I guess it can't take over a body that is already born? TL;DR I don't think she's supposed to be wrong on this, no, just the idea that her unborn child is divine rather than a demonic vessel. As for why it would take twenty years, idk, maybe gestating the physical body for a god just takes a long time.

[addictedtostorytelling]

Here’s something I’ve been wondering!

I know you’ve written about Sara’s reckless behavior in the early days, especially in seasons 3-4, but Grissom makes some less-than-stellar personal safety choices early on as well. For a little while he makes it a yearly habit to confront someone he knows to be a serial killer unarmed, with no backup, and purposefully not having told the team where he’s gone.

(I mean, the only reason Grissom survives the season 1 finale is because Catherine knows his exact brand of stupid.)

At the same time, he absolutely will not let Sara put herself on the line in the same way.

In Grissom’s mind, what’s the different between Sara using herself as bait for the Strip Strangler when she fits the profile versus Grissom confronting the same killer, or for that matter Paul Milander, where Grissom has the exact birthday needed to make him fit the victim pattern? Other than that he’s in love with her, obviously.

Is this really the best way for him to go about his work? Otherwise, Grissom is not an especially confrontational person outside of the controlled setting of the interrogation room, so I’m curious if you have any thoughts as to what’s going on under the hood here.

I always enjoy your answers! Thanks!

hi, @clintbeifong​!

so to take the last part of your question (“is this really the best way for him to go about his work?”) first:

no, gallivanting off to secret crime scenes without even telling dispatch where he’s going while not even carrying a gun on him, having at least some inkling as he does so that he might encounter a murderous suspect while there, is not the best way for grissom to go about his work.

it’s reckless as hell.

were any other team member to willingly assume the same risks that he does, in terms of physically confronting dangerous killers sans backup or even weapons, he would absolutely lose his mind about it.

and especially if said team member were sara.

in no way is what he does safe.

in no way is what he does smart.

for a certifiable genius, he makes some impressively poor decisions over the years down these lines, and he is only saved by a) the fact that he is possessed of “main character immortality” status, b) sheer luck, and c) catherine, as you so aptly frame things, knowing “his exact brand of stupid.”

that said, within the world of the story, do i think that grissom himself would find a way to rationalize this reckless behavior on his part, even for as foolhardy as it is?

yeah.

yeah, i do.

because for as generally levelheaded and pragmatic as he is, he does have some blind spots when it comes to his own comportment.

discussion after the “keep reading,” if you’re interested.

__

so if one were to ask grissom how he can defend his own recklessness while getting so upset about sara’s, to my mind, he would argue that any time he finds himself in a dangerous situation, it’s not necessarily because he’s gone “looking for it.”

he’d view every instance of him doing so as a discrete occurrence and something that happened to him largely inadvertently.

essentially, his defense would be, “well, i didn’t mean to—or at least it wasn’t my end goal.”

and at least in terms of diagnosing his own intentions, he’d probably be correct in so saying.

he wouldn’t be able to articulate as much about himself, but the fact is that his tendency to fixate is what gets the better of him here.

sure, he sometimes finds himself facing off against dangerous serial killers, but when he does, he doesn’t do so by design. it’s more because he fails to factor himself into scenarios. while he isn’t naïve or necessarily ignorant that his is a dangerous world, he is so tunnel-visioned and convinced of his own capability—nine times out of ten, he is the smartest person in any room, and the fact that he is is enough to get him by—that when he is on a hot case, he will sometimes fail to heed warning signs and instead just charge full-speed ahead in the name of getting a break.

he'll be deep in the investigation, and some sudden epiphany will come to him that leads him away by himself, and rather than taking the time to gather the team, he’ll just wander off, and suddenly he’ll find himself confronted by the suspect, not because that was what he necessarily set out to do but because he let himself get “too far down the rabbit hole” without ever once looking up.

as i talk about here,

by no means is he suicidal, and he isn’t even habitually careless with his own safety in the same way sara oftentimes is with hers, but he can sometimes be heedless of certain risks because he trusts so much in his own intelligence, believing that he will always be able to think his way out of any tight spot.

sometimes he is less scared than he should be of the sheer brutality and unpredictability and irrationality of the criminals he faces down, relying on his own cleverness to save him even in situations where it doesn’t factor in and can’t save him because scissors beats paper, you know?

with goggle, you can almost see grissom thinking that if he can just keep goggle talking, he can trick him into making a mistake. he thinks they’re playing mental chess. that’s why it takes him so completely by surprise when goggle “flips the board” and clocks him with the wrench. for him, it was a purely intellectual exercise, but goggle “broke the rules” and turned it physical.

that tendency in him comes from his cerebral nature—from the fact that his obsessions so enrapture him that sometimes that he thinks of nothing outside of them, including his own safety.

it’s like his self-preservation instincts and even his sense of himself as a living creature with a body (as opposed to just a brain having thoughts) take a backseat to his compulsion to solve the puzzle. he can almost forget himself if he thinks he’s on the verge of cracking a case.

if any of his team members—and particularly sara—were to be as incautious as he in this regard, of course, he would be furious with them.

but in his own case, he just almost can’t help himself but keep putting one foot in front of the other because he is so compelled to get the solve, and he constantly rationalizes to himself as he goes along, handwaving away his poor decisions and downplaying the danger even though he really ought to know better the whole time.

so should he, on a logical level, realize that if he continues to investigate a case where the killer just so happens to target men who share his same birthday, he will likely get on said killer’s radar and himself become a target? absolutely.

and to an extent, he does.

however, does he also feel like since he’s the best candidate to solve the case—because he and said killer have this freaky kind of “mind meld” going on that gives him a sort of prescience about what moves he might make next—he has an obligation to keep going with it? definitely.

and does he reason that since he’s already in for a penny, he might as well go in for a pound (because the killer is aware of him anyhow, and even were he to recuse himself, at this point, it’s unlikely that the killer would just let him walk away unscathed)? for sure.

and does he console himself by thinking that, in any case, he’s smart enough to go toe-to-toe with this guy, so he’s not even in that much danger anyway because he’ll just outthink him? more likely than not, at least subconsciously.

and so does he end up at the killer’s house, eating dinner with the killer’s family, with no one there to back him up and no exit strategy in place should things go south? you bet.

but did he wake up that day thinking, “i'm going to confront paul millander”? no.

and did he intend to place himself in such danger? not really.

he would say that while ending up in danger is a consequence of his actions, it was never something he necessarily wanted to do. he was just following a lead, and, well—

he ended up there.

ditto for the strip strangler case.

yeah, in hindsight, grissom would probably be willing to admit that going to goggle’s apartment without backup wasn’t either standard protocol or a move that was particularly smart, but then he would also rationalize that he had a lead, and he wasn’t really in a position to call for backup because technically he was off the case and the department considered the case closed, so what else could he have done?

he'd try to explain that while maybe he could have put another team member on the job, he was the one with the most experience dealing with signature killers, so he was the one who knew what to look for; ergo, he had to go.

plus, he’d point out that he had a rapport with goggle from that first meeting at the crime scene, so it made sense to think he might’ve been able to play him.

he knew he was smarter than goggle; he just didn’t count on the fact that once goggle realized as much, he’d resort to brute force.

he’d say he just wanted to poke around.

talk to the guy a bit.

he’d be vehement that he never meant to incite an altercation.

certainly, he didn’t intend for catherine to have to shoot goggle on his behalf—

it just, uh, happened.

he followed the evidence, and it led him to that basement.

and if you pressed him to explain how his tendency to wind up in dangerous situations were any different than sara’s, he’d probably get a bit flustered and huffy, but what he’d settle on is that whereas his behavior is largely incidental and occasional, hers seems often to be purposeful and is definitely a pattern.

while grissom often somewhat stumbles into dangerous situations—meaning that it’s not necessarily his intent to find them, even if that’s exactly what ends up happening in consequence of his actions—sara in some ways seeks them out.

to his mind, there would be a difference between him “going on a fishing expedition” to discover material evidence at goggle’s apartment complex and her volunteering to be the bait in the fbi sting operation because on his end, he never meant to have a confrontation, while she was actively looking for one.

of course, faced with this accusation, sara would likely point out that whether or not grissom intended to confront goggle, that’s exactly what he ended up doing, and a confrontation is a confrontation is a confrontation, regardless of intention, so how is what he elected to do any different than what she volunteered for?

and, of course, in the early seasons, he wouldn’t be able to explain why he was so blasé about risking his own life but so adamant about not risking hers.

even if she pointed out the contradiction to him, he wouldn’t be able to acknowledge it.

as i talk about here,

gil grissom lives very much in his head, a trait which is simultaneously his great strength and great weakness.

the same intense cerebral quality which makes him an excellent criminalist also makes him socially awkward and even difficult at times to interact with. while he certainly has the capacity for empathy, as he demonstrates both with his cases and in certain instances regarding members of his team, sometimes he can’t see past the end of his own nose—or, as catherine puts it, “lift [his] head up out of that microscope”—particularly if he is not first prompted to do so…

grissom tends to be hyperfocused to the point of myopia on whatever is going on inside his mind, meaning that he oftentimes fails to realize how his behavior affects others and that he sometimes will behave hypocritcally (because he can justify behaviors in himself that he doesn’t understand when they come from other people).

the real answer to the question would be that, deep down, he has this innate sense that while it’s okay for him to assume such risks for himself, it’s not okay for sara to do so, not because he views her as incapable—he knows that sara is smart and tough and skilled; he just also knows she isn’t invincible—but rather because he views her as too damn valuable.

he’s not suicidal, and he’s not looking for a gut-check; he is convinced—in what is undoubtedly a very unexamined, unself-conscious way—that it’s all right for him to sometimes walk up to the line of what’s safe and what’s not and peer over, whereas it’s never similarly okay for sara to do so, because—and here’s the hypocrisy part—he’d never be able to live with himself if something bad were to happen to her (ignoring the fact that she’d be just as devastated if something bad were to happen to him).

you know that conversation that he and sara have in episode 01x19 “gentle, gentle” about the danger of allowing certain victims to become “special”? recall, if you will, how sara points out that grissom counseled her not to let herself feel that way regarding her cases but now he’s doing the exact same thing with one of his. remember how his response to her is literally to say, “excuse me, but this victim is special,” without a hint of irony in his voice? remember how unself-aware he is throughout that whole exchange?

well, that’s pretty similar to how things are between him and sara with this recklessness issue.

when she does something that puts her life at risk, he freaks the fuck out about it because she is so incredibly precious to him that he can’t stand to think that he might lose her. her flip attitude toward her own safety frustrates him because he can’t believe she doesn’t realize that no matter how smart or capable she is, all it would take would be one bad moment for her to be seriously hurt or killed. when faced with that possibility, he ceases to care about case outcomes or what their duties are as criminalists because she’s more important to him than any sort of professional obligation. although of course he’s too scared to actually do so, he nevertheless does want very much to grab her by the shoulders and repeat to her again and again until she understands just exactly what he means, “you are the most important thing. you have to be careful. you have to be safe. the risk isn’t worth it. i care about you too much.”

he can rationalize away all of his own rash behavior as being in service to the job (and therefore an acceptable form of risk-taking), but he can’t do likewise when it comes to her.

there is probably something interesting to be said here about how often he conflates himself and “the work,” talking about himself—particularly to sara—as being synonymous with the lab (“the lab needs you”), but he thinks of her as something which transcends that milieu (see, for example, the dichotomy between his work and “the beautiful life” that he sets up in his monologue from episode 04x12 “butterflied”); he can excuse away his own actions as a function of the work, but he can’t do so in her case because she is more important than the work to him.

and yet somehow it doesn’t really occur to him that she would feel the same way about him being reckless that he does about her being reckless, were the situation reversed.

is this “do as i say, not as i do” attitude from him nonsensical? yes.

is it a double-standard? yes.

but particularly in the early seasons—when he is at his most reckless—grissom is prone to this kind of irrationality where sara is concerned; it’s part and parcel of how deeply he sublimates his feelings for her and how much he (consequently) ends up acting on instinct when it comes to her, letting his deepest-seated impulses win out over his logic.

anyway.

to wrap this discussion up nicely with a bow, i think it’s worth noting that after they get together, both grissom and sara become far less reckless with themselves. while of course there are still some instances of bravado and derring-do from both of them even once they are a couple, on the whole, they are both far less likely to put themselves in harm’s way once they know for a fact that there is someone who cares about them and champions their safety.

*insert all my fangirl tears here*

thanks for the question, friend! please feel welcome to send another any time.