#and I’ve used it so little since that I wonder if I should sell it

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

sometimes I think about how during the pandemic I was constantly taking pictures or editing photos or learning new things in between projects from my old job when my hours got cut and how creatively fulfilling it was in such a dark time and then think about how I’ve barely touched my camera all year and wonder what happened

[munsonsmixtapes]

Do Me a Favor?

Find part two here!

Eddie x fem!shy!bestie!reader

Summary: you buy some weed from your best friend Eddie and after shotgunning from him, you both find yourselves wanting more

word count: 6k

cw: MDNI 18+, smut, oral (f receiving)

The cold air nipped at your skin as you knocked on the trailer door. You tightened your cardigan around you as waited for someone to answer, wondering what the hell you had been doing there. You didn’t smoke weed. You didn’t buy it either, but maybe you just wanted to see the cute metalhead who was supposedly the best dealer in town, even though he was one of your closest friends and let you come over whenever you wanted.

You had been friends with Eddie Munson since that one time he helped you pick the books that you had dropped when someone had bumped into you in the hallway in the tenth grade. He had grabbed your copy of Lord of the Rings and the two of you yapped about it all the way to the cafeteria where he let you sit with his group.

After letting you sit with him every day, he eventually asked you to join Hellfire Club and you happily agreed. Not long after, the two of you found yourselves hanging out outside of the club, occasionally getting dinner or watching a movie at your house.

Over time, you started to develop romantic feelings because how could you not have? Eddie was just so sweet and caring and he looked out for you like no one else did. And maybe it was silly to crush on your best friend, but you couldn’t help it. Aside from his charming personality, he also happened to be very easy on the eyes.

The door opened, pulling you out of your thoughts and there Eddie was on the other side, looking like something out of your dreams in his cropped band t-shirt and sweatpants that he had rolled down a few times, giving you a great view of the patch of hair that was right under his belly button.

“Y/n?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. He hadn’t been expecting you, but couldn’t help but feel intrigued to know why you were there.

“Hi, Eddie,” you nodded at him, not quite able to look him in the eye. You had hyped yourself up on the way there, but now that he was actually standing in front of you, you were feeling shy.

“What are you doing here?” He scratched the back of his head, causing his shirt to ride up even more and your mind suddenly went blank. “Thought you had to work.”

“I just got off and I um-I was wondering if I could buy some weed from you.” Eddie laughed at that. He always saw you as an innocent little thing who did everything she was supposed to. A goody-two-shoes that never broke the rules.

“Well,” he let out a chuckle. “I never thought I’d see the day.” Though, he kind of liked the idea of selling weed to you. Not only was it a funny thought, imagining you actually smoking the stuff, but it seemed like you were on edge every time he saw you and he thought you could use something to calm you down.

“We’re not in high school anymore. I’ve changed.” There was a little truth to your statement, but not much. The only thing that had changed about you since high school was that maybe you had a little more confidence and that you had finally gotten your braces off. Other than that, you were pretty much the same.

“So you have,” he nodded. “Well, why don’t you come inside and I’ll show you what I’ve got?” He held the door open for you as you stepped inside, letting it slam behind you. You looked around the place, loving how cozy it felt, especially since you were no longer in the cold weather. You rubbed your hands up and down your arms as you stepped further inside, trying to bring some more warmth to your body. You should have known that it was going to be a bad idea riding your bike across town without a jacket, but the damage was already done.

“The stuff’s in my room if you want to follow me.” Eddie couldn’t help but notice how quiet you were, but he had to admit that he thought it was cute. He knew that that was just who you were, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was making you feel nervous. He didn’t want you to feel pressured into taking the weed if you really didn’t want it. He didn’t know why he cared so much, it was just a normal sale.

Except it wasn’t. You were his best friend and had no experience with drugs whatsoever. He wanted to know why you had a sudden interest, but didn’t feel like it was his business to ask, no matter how close the two of you were.

Eddie had always thought you were pretty, but also thought that you were out of his league. He was the town freak and you were the shy girl who always had her nose in a book. He didn’t think that the two of you were exactly a great match. He didn’t want anyone starting rumors about you too, so he let you slip through his fingers. He decided that he was already risking enough by being friends with you.

But now there you were, standing in the doorway of his room, somehow having gotten prettier since he had seen you a few days ago. You were avoiding his eye contact, staring at the desk that was behind him. You were eyeing the stack of books that were sitting on top of it, wondering what they were, noticing that they were different than the ones that had been there before.

You slowly stepped further into the room, making a beeline for the stack, noticing that they were all new books. You slowly looked at all the covers, most of them being ones you had never heard of, but you were interested in every single one as soon as you read the back. Your face lit up at the book that was on the very bottom. It was your current favorite fantasy novel that you had read more times than you had cared to admit, but you had lost your copy and hadn’t been able to get a new one. You opened the book and let out a gasp at the little signature on the first page, wondering if he had bought it like that or if there was a signing that you didn’t know about.

Eddie watched you, still finding the way that you mumbled to words that were printed on the books to yourself adorable. For a second, he had completely forgotten why you were there. For a second, he had been convinced that you were there to hang out with him like usual.

“I can’t believe you have a signed copy of this.” You turned to face him, showing him the signature. He just let out a chuckle at that, finding you even more adorable. He didn’t think he had ever seen you so animated in the years that he had known you. “How did I not know this?”

“Oh, yeah, I got it a couple weeks ago,” he shrugged. “I honestly forgot that I had it.” The thing had been sitting on his desk since after the signing and he really had forgotten about it, his obsession with it being completely abandoned for another. “You can…keep it if you want.” Your eyes lit up at his suggestion but you quickly slumped your shoulders.

“Oh, no, I couldn’t take it from you.” You set the book back on the desk, knowing that you would have felt bad taking something like that from him. Even though it looked like it hadn’t been touched in a while, you could tell that it meant something to him.

“No,” he shook his head, moving towards you. He took the book and shoved it into your hands, his touching yours as he did so. “Take it, l/n. Please. It’s just been collecting dust here and a thing like that deserves to go to a good home.”

“Are you sure?” His eyes bored into yours to show you how serious he was and you couldn’t help but stare into them. They were hypnotizing, so brown and pretty. You had always been a sucker for brown eyes, especially Eddie’s. You knew that you’d do anything he asked just by looking into them, and you were sure that if he knew that fact, he would have gotten you into trouble.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” His hands were still on yours and you were so aware of his touch, loving how soft but rough his skin was. You could feel the cold metal that was his rings against your fingers that was mixed with the warmness of his hands. You just wanted to take them into your own, interlacing your fingers with his.

Eddie took the book from your hands and removed one of the straps of your tote bag from your shoulder and let the book fall inside before putting the strap right back. A smirk kicked up at the corner of his lips and you stared at them, thinking about how kissable they looked. They were so pink and plump and you just wanted to know what they felt like slotted between yours.

“Just so you don’t think about leaving it here,” he winked then turned on his heel to head to his bedside table. He pulled out a tin lunchbox from the bottom shelf and set it on the bed before opening it. He rifled through it, pulling out multiple plastic bags, trying to remember if he even had anything for a beginner. Most of the stuff he had was for people with a much higher tolerance and he didn’t want to start you on something you couldn’t handle.

Eddie found just what he was looking for at the bottom of the lunchbox and held it up to the light just to make sure, then nodded. He then closed the lunchbox and put it back where he found it and sat down on the edge of his bed, patting the spot next to him. You hesitantly sat down next to him, so close to the other end that if you sat any farther away from him, you’d fall to the floor.

Your heart was racing in your chest. You weren’t even going to smoke the stuff, you just wanted to be able to say that you bought some. Once you got home, you had every intention of throwing it into a drawer, never to be touched again. You just were afraid of what it would do to you so you definitely weren’t going to smoke it alone. That was just too scary. Maybe if you had more confidence, you could have asked him to smoke it with you.

“How much?” You asked, reaching for the money you had in your pocket and Eddie just shook his head.

“No need, l/n,” he rested his hand on top of yours to stop you. “First one’s always free,” he winked and your cheeks flushed.

“Could you do me a favor?” You asked, not even thinking about the words that were coming out of your mouth. Eddie titled his head to the side, wondering what you could have possibly wanted him to do for you.

“Anything,” he nodded quickly, ready to do whatever you asked, no matter how weird or ridiculous. “You know that.”

“Would you…want to smoke with me?” That was the last thing he was expecting to ask. He didn’t think that you ever want to get high with him.

“Yeah, sure,” he shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant about the whole thing. He hoped you couldn’t hear how hard his heart was beating his chest as he suddenly felt nervous about the whole thing. “You really want to?” He just wanted to be sure before he started anything.

“Please.” The words came out more desperate than you had intended, but you didn’t even care. You were just happy that he said the words you had been afraid to. Now you didn’t have to worry. He'd be right there to help you if something went wrong and you were sure that he wouldn’t judge if you did something that wasn’t right.

“Alright, well, I’m just gonna roll this up, okay?” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder at his desk as he held up the baggie with his other hand. You felt a weight lift off your shoulders as Eddie gave you a reassuring smile, standing from his bed.

You just nodded in response and he pulled his chair out, sitting at his desk, getting to work. You stayed on the bed, not wanting to get into his space, just letting him do whatever he needed to. You sat patiently, trying not to think too much about what you were doing or you were going to back out. You only got one chance to smoke with your crush and you were going to take it.

Once Eddie had the joint all rolled up, he turned in his chair to face you then made his way back to the bed, sitting down on it hesitantly. Your comfort was his top priority and he was fully prepared to stop everything if you didn’t want to continue.He turned to face you, giving you his full attention. He had never smoked with a first-timer, but he still knew exactly what to do. He wanted to give you options, letting you have full control of the situation.

“So, we can either take turns or we can shotgun, which is where I inhale the smoke and blow it into your mouth. Whatever you want to do is fine with me.” He was being so sweet and gentle and it was getting really difficult for you to not fall for him even harder. You weighed your options and decided that shotgunning was probably the best idea. That way, there was less of a chance that you’d choke and maybe you just wanted to be close to Eddie.

“Can we…shotgun?” You words came out unsure and Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed, wanting to make sure that was actually what you wanted. You nodded enthusiastically, scooting closer to him again. “That’s what I want to do.”

“Then let’s do it.” Eddie turned to grab his lighter from his bedside table and smiled to himself since he had secretly wanted you to pick shotgun. He wanted to be able to touch you, to feel your lips on his, the whole idea making him a little hard. Once he had the lighter, he put the joint between his fingers before holding the lighter out to you. “Wanna do the honors, cutie?”

“Sure,” you nodded and took the lighter from him. You sparked the lighter up and cupped your hand around the joint like you had seen in movies and let it catch the flame before pulling away. You kept hold of the lighter as Eddie beckoned you forward with his free hand.

“C’mere,” he said and you obeyed, moving so you were sitting crisscrossed in front of him. He mimicked your actions and you both got so close that your legs were touching. “Make sure the smoke is in your mouth before inhaling, okay? Don’t want you choking.” You just nodded and Eddie took a drag and held the smoke in his mouth as you leaned forward even more. Your lips parted and Eddie reached up to your face slowly, giving you a look as if asking for permission.

“Do what you need to do,” you told him and his fingers took hold of your chin. His thumb reached up to your bottom lip and he pulled it down as if asking you to open your mouth wider. After it was wide enough, his hand moved to your cheek, pulling your face to his. He gingerly opened up, pressing his lips to your before pushing the smoke into your mouth. You did as he instructed and waited until all of the smoke was in your mouth before you took a deep breath.

Eddie leaned away so you could exhale, gauging your reaction to make sure that you were okay. Just from your first hit, you had been doing a lot better than other first-timers he had seen. Sure, you had only done well because he had told you what to do, but he still thought that you were a natural.

“I don’t feel anything.” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you still felt very sober and Eddie just laughed in response.

“You’re not going to feel anything right away, hon.” His hand moved to your shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “Do you want another hit?”

“Yes,” you nodded and Eddie took another puff and held the joint away from the both of you as he grabbed hold of your waist, pressing his open mouth to yours once again. He blew the smoke into your mouth and you inhaled before you were supposed to, pulling away to cough into your arm. You had been so focused on the way Eddie’s lips felt against yours that you had completely forgotten what you were supposed to do.

“You okay?” He asked, his hand moving to your back, giving it a sympathetic rub. You just held your thumb up as an indication as you continued to cough. “C’mon, let’s go get some water.”

He stubbed the joint out onto his desk then took you by the hand, pulling you from the bed. You continued to cough all the way to the kitchen and couldn’t believe that you had ruined the good time you were having because you had gotten distracted.

Eddie quickly grabbed a glass from one of the cabinets and filled it up with water from the tap before handing it to you. You quickly gulped down as much of the beverage as you could and let out a sigh of relief as you set the empty glass down on the counter.

“You okay? You good?” He asked, the words rushing out of his mouth. He stood in front of you, his hands resting on your back, rubbing up and down in a comforting manner. You leaned into him, your forehead pressing against his chin.

Eddie didn’t know why he felt the need to comfort you and why it had become second nature to him when he was never good at or liked it, he didn’t know. Anytime he was around first-timers who inhaled improperly, someone else always stepped in to help while he watched from the sidelines. But now, there he was, fully prepared to give you whatever you needed.

“I’m good,” you assured him, your arms wrapping around his waist. “Can you just…hold me for a second?”

“I can hold you for all the seconds, honey.” You weren’t sure where the little nickname came from, but you were eating it up, wanting him to say it anytime he referred to you.

You pulled back to look at him and your eyes immediately shifted to his lips. You watched him wet them with his tongue, the wet sheen making them look even more inviting. It was like he was doing it on purpose, trying to torture you by dangling it in your face, knowing that you wouldn’t do anything about it.

Before you could stop yourself, you pressed your lips to his in a lingering peck before quickly pulling away. An embarrassed flush made its way upon your face and you covered your lips with the pads of your fingertips.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

You turned to leave and Eddie didn’t let you get far. He grabbed hold of your wrist and turned you around to face him. He took no time to cradle your face in your hands and capture your top lip between his two. Your hands found his waist and you pulled him to you so he was flush with your body. The kiss was slow and sweet, as if the two of you had all the time in the world. It was everything you had ever hoped, everything you could have ever imagined.

“Don’t ever apologize for that,” he insisted against your lips. “You have absolutely no idea how long I’ve wanted this.” That made you stop in your tracks. You quickly pulled away to look at him, your eyes widening.

“How long?” You were desperate to know exactly how long he had felt that way about you so you could see how much your crushes had overlapped each other.

“Since high school. Almost kissed you that night when I drove you home from Hellfire and I’ve been kicking myself ever since because I didn’t.”

You had remembered that night so vividly. You had ridden your bike, but Eddie had insisted on giving you a ride home. The two of you had talked the entire time about everything and nothing, occasionally giggling at little jokes that you had shared with each other. Even after Eddie had pulled into your driveway, you still sat there, neither of you wanting you to leave. You had noticed him leaning towards you, but you didn’t want to make any assumptions, so you just said your goodbyes and you just felt embarrassed for thinking that he was going to kiss you when it had been clear that he hadn’t.

All that time, you could have sworn that he was going to kiss you and you had been right. You actually hadn’t been delusional for once. For once, the guy that you had feelings for actually reciprocated them and you couldn’t have been more elated.

“Well, now you can make up for lost time.” Your hands rested against his back.

“Don’t mind if I do.” Eddie pulled you back in for another kiss, this one more rough and messy, the two of you so desperate for the other, taking exactly what you wanted from each other.

Eddie’s hands moved to your cardigan and he undid the first button so slowly, giving you a chance to back out if you wanted to. Once he got the okay to continue, he undid the rest and pushed it off of your shoulders. You removed it from your arms and let it fall to the floor.

You let your hands trail up his back and you pulled onto the bottom of his shirt before pulling it over his head. Once it was removed, he threw it to the side, grabbing hold of your waist again. His hands slipped to the strip of skin between the top of your jeans and the bottom of your tank top that had ridden up as he backed you up to the counter, your back hitting it.

He helped you get up on top of it and you spread your legs, Eddie stepping between them. His mouth was quickly on yours again as he licked into it, his tongue roaming around it as if he was trying to taste every single bit of it.

You let out a moan as his tongue swirled around yours and your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him as close to you as possible. His hands traveled up your shirt and moved to your bra, his fingers resting on the clasp as if asking to take it off.

“Take it off,” you commanded. “Please.” The word came out like a whine and Eddie was happy to oblige, quickly unhooking the clasping before removing the straps from your arms and sliding the whole thing down and pulling it from your tank top. He tossed it behind him then looked at you, searching your face for any sign of hesitance.

“Are you sure you want to keep going?” He licked his lips, his chest rising and falling from being out of breath from your lips being attached. He would have never forgiven himself if he had done something you weren’t comfortable with. He just wanted to be one hundred percent sure.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, Eds.” Your hand moved up to his cheek, stroking it with your thumb. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I want you to be my first.”

“Your first?” His eyes widened. He honestly had no idea that you were a virgin. “Y/n, are you sure you want it to be me?” Eddie wanted to be sure that it was actually what you wanted. That you were doing it with someone you cared about and he wasn’t sure he deserved to be your first.

“Very sure,” you nodded. “You’re the only one I trust to do it.” He felt his cheeks blush at your words, knowing that they meant that you had thought about having sex with him and his dick was getting harder by the second.

“Y/n, you have no idea how honored I am that you want it to be me, but I just want to be sure that you really want this.” Eddie thought it was the greatest honor of all that he was the one that you wanted to lose your virginity to and considered himself the luckiest man alive because of it.

“I’m sure,” you nodded. “I’ve thought about this a lot.”

“Oh, have you?” He teased and pressed another kiss to your lips. “Wanna move this to the bedroom?”

“I’d want nothing more.” Eddie’s lips slotted between yours once again and his hands moved out from under your shirt and wrapped around your waist, pulling you from the counter. Your ankles locked at his back and he carried you to his room, your lips still in the middle of a messy kiss.

He entered his room and slammed the door behind him with his foot, hurrying the two of you to his bed. He collapsed onto it and you fell on top of him. He then sat up and looked at you with a serious look in his eyes.

“I just want to let you know a few things before we get started,” he said, his hands resting on your thighs.

“Okay,” you nodded, ready to listen to whatever he needed to say.

“First, if I go too far or you don’t like something or even if you don’t want to continue, don’t be afraid to let me know. This is all about you, okay?” You just nodded in response and Eddie licked his lips before he continued.

“And on the opposite end, don’t be afraid to let me know what you do like. If you like something, feel free to make noise, and you don’t have to be embarrassed about being too loud. There’s no such thing.”

“Got it,” you nodded, looking him in the eyes so he knew that you completely understood what he was saying. You were desperate to get on with it already, but felt like you owed it to him to listen to what he was saying since it seemed pretty important.

“Do you want to start or should I?”

“You do it.” You wanted him to take the lead since he knew exactly what he was doing.

“Okay,” he replied, leaning towards you, his face only inches from yours. “Just gonna kiss you for now, okay?”

“Mhm,” you nodded and his lips attached to yours again. You felt a little more confident and you were the one to stick your tongue into his mouth, mimicking what he had done earlier, slowly laying him down onto the bed, removing your shirt as you did so. You then leaned down and pulled him into a kiss, your bare chest against his. Eddie brought his hands up and grabbed hold of your tits, the pads of his thumbs massaging your nipples, just enough to make them hard and you made a noise that he knew that he was going to grow very fond of.

Eddie pulled away from you, his mouth immediately moving to your tit. He moved his tongue back and forth, licking across your nipple and you moaned. The whole thing was so foreign to you but you liked the feeling.

Just as you were getting used to it, he took your nipple between his teeth and gave it a pull, causing your hands to move to his hair, giving it a yank. Eddie took that as an invitation to continue and moved to the other nipple, giving it the same attention. You gave it his hair another yank and let out one more moan, trying your best to not be self conscious about how loud you were.

“That’s it, honey,” he said, licking another stripe along your nipple. “Let it out.” Eddie pressed his lips to the spot between your breasts then flipped you over so that your back was against the mattress. He pressed open mouthed kisses all the way down to your stomach and stopped when he got to the top of your jeans.

“These look great on you,” he complimented. “But I’d think they’d look better on the floor. Can I remove them?”

“Yes, please.” He took no time to unbutton them and pulled down the zipper before pulling them down your legs and tossing them to the side. He pressed a kiss to the spot above your underwear then looked up at you for permission to remove them.

“Take them off, Eds. Please. I need you.” Your words came out so whiny and Eddie felt himself getting even more hard.

“Yes ma’am,” he responded before taking your underwear off. He was about to throw them on the floor, but you stopped him, putting your hands over his.

“You should keep them,” you told him. “To remember this night.”

“Isn't that objectification?” He liked the idea of keeping your underwear, but also kind of felt like he was treating you like an object by doing that.

“Not if I say it isn’t. Put them in your pocket.” Without a second thought, Eddie put the underwear into his back pocket before resting his hand on your knees, pulling you in for a bruising kiss. He then spread your legs open to get a peek at your pussy which was sopping wet.

“Wow,” he said, noticing that there was already a stain from where everything had leaked out onto his bedding. “This might be the wettest pussy I’ve ever seen. Mind if I get a taste?”

“I wouldn’t mind at all.” Eddie climbed off of the bed as he pulled you to the end of it. He then got onto his knees before throwing your legs over his shoulders. He looked up at you one more time for any signs of hesitance and when he saw how eager you looked, he slowly pushed his head between your thighs, burying his face into your cunt.

You let out a gasp as his nose brushed it and gripped the blanket as he licked a stripe from your slit to your clit. He swirled his tongue around the area and you couldn’t keep your sounds to yourself anymore.

“Oh, Eddie,” you moaned, your fingers gripping more of the blanket as he worked his magic with his tongue. He grazed the sensitive spot with his teeth and you whimpered which let him know that he could continue. He applied a little more pressure with his teeth, loving the sounds that the action elicited from you.

“So good, Eds. Need more.” You were desperate for whatever he was going to give you, not caring at all what it was, just as long it felt as good as him giving you head.

“Oh, this is just the appetizer, hon.” He dove into your cunt once more, shoving his tongue inside of it, causing you to moan the loudest you ever had.

“Fuck, Eddie, more.” He swirled his tongue around and around and you made the most beautiful sounds he had ever heard in his life, knowing that they’d still ring in his head after the night was over.

After a couple more moans, he removed his face from your pussy and practically threw himself on top of you, pressing his lips to yours in a filthy kiss, his tongue swirling around your mouth.

“See how good you taste, honey?” He asked. “Wanna taste you all the time.”

“And I’ll let you,” you responded. “Whenever you want.”

“I love the sound of that.” He slotted his lips between yours in a dizzying kiss before pulling away. He then reached for his bedside table and pulled the drawer open before taking out a condom, not even bothering to close the drawer back.

“I don’t think I’m ready,” you told him, your voice barely above a whisper. You knew he wouldn’t ever judge you, but still couldn’t help but feel like he was going to be mad at you. He let the condom fall to the floor then moved himself back on top of you, his hands taking yours, intertwining your fingers.

“Are you mad?” You looked up at him, and his face softened instantly. He would have never been mad at you for that. Maybe he was a little disappointed, but he thought he would have been wrong to blame your for something like that.

“Baby, no, of course I’m not mad at you.” He shook his head, giving your hands a squeeze. He couldn’t have been mad at you if he tried.

“Promise?” You needed constant reassurance or your brain would convince you that he was lying.

“I promise, honey,” he nodded. “How about we put on some pajamas and watch a movie? Anything you want.”

“I’d like that,” you nodded. You really had thought you were ready, but the whole thing still scared you. You really enjoyed everything leading up to it, but still found the penetration part to be too much for you at the moment.

Eddie rolled off of you and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants out of his dresser before tossing them to you. You threw them on while he headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed and still felt anxious about him being mad at you. What you had was so good and you were convinced that you had ruined it.

“I’m not mad at you,” he called from the bathroom. He knew you too well sometimes, always somehow knowing exactly what you were thinking. He knew how prone you were to overthinking and was always there to reassure you that your thoughts were in fact not true.

Eddie emerged from the bathroom and threw on a shirt before throwing himself onto the mattress and rolling back on top of you. He pressed another bruising kiss to your lips, his hands reaching for yours again. He then pulled away, a grin breaking out on his face as he looked down at you.

“I’m not mad at you,” he repeated, burying his face into your neck, snuggling into it.

“I know,” you replied, just like always, but he was never convinced, even though you really did know that he wasn’t mad at you.

“I’m not mad at you,” he said one more time, pressing a kiss to your neck before rolling off you.

He reached for the remote to his tv and turned it on before pulling you to his chest. You both watched the screen mindlessly while your arms wrapped around him. One of his arms draped across your waist while the other hand stroked your hair, something he always did to bring you comfort.

You looked up at him as he watched the tv and couldn’t help but feel lucky to have a best friend like him. Someone who was always there for you no matter what. Someone who would never judge you for anything, no matter what he really thought about it. Someone who you were completely and one hundred percent head over heels for. And maybe, just maybe, one of these days you’d get the guts to tell him how you really felt.

[fortheloveoffanfic]

What if this is the last time I see you?

Hozier x fem!reader

Author's note: I'm sorry that I haven't finished one angsty story before forcing another onto you. But this one is shorter, I promise.

Summary: A chance run-in between exes at the farmers market leaves Andrew wondering if he’ll be okay never seeing Y/n again. Part 1 of 2.

Warnings: ANGST

At first, Andrew thinks his eyes must be playing tricks on him. But the longer he stares, the more it makes sense – and the more it makes sense, the more he is convinced. A pop-up farmers market, a fruit vendor selling an assortment of brightly coloured, sure-to-be sweet, freshly picked fruit. Or so he says.

She’s wearing a jacket that he swears he’s seen before, but it could’ve very well been on a mannequin in a store front and not in her closet – or on her body.

But he’s certain that its her. She’s carrying the basket in a way that’s all too familiar. She’s looking at strawberries and those are her favorite in the summer. It must be her.

So it must be divine intervention that he drove past the farmers market and decided to stop, because Andrew usually gets his produce at the grocery store, on the occasion that he’s home for long enough to do his own shopping.

Setting down the bright, glossy apple he’d been holding onto for a criminally long period, he inches towards her little section of the booth, debating what he should say. ‘Hi’ doesn’t feel like enough, but he fears that if he takes a chance with anything more he might stomp all over their impromptu reunion. He doesn’t want to be too much;

What a funny thought, he thinks. Considering the whole reason for their end was because he wasn’t enough.

Well, that might be a bit of an unfair distribution of blame. He’s pretty good at playing the victim where the demise of their relationship is concerned.

By the time he reaches her, Y/n has already placed a few strawberries into a plastic baggie and is looking for a few more to round off her purchase. And he settles on the very measly and shamefully uneventful; “hey.”

Surprised, Y/n jumps slightly and twists to face him, eyes going wide. “Andy, oh my gosh, hey.” She hesitates for a moment before reaching out for a hug that becomes quite a clumsy endeavor. They don’t seem to know each other as well as they used to; he can’t tell if she’s reaching for his neck or midsection, so their limbs get tangled in a strange manner. “Sorry,” she mumbles bashfully when the whole thing goes on for longer than any ‘I haven’t seen you in five years’ hug should take.

Shrugging off the unwarranted apology, Andrew stuffs his hands into the pockets of his dark jeans in an effort to keep himself from touching her again. “How have you been?” He tries to sound nonchalant, but his gaze drips to her left hand, looking for any sign of a ring. And when there isn’t one, he feels a knot in his chest loosen a little.

“I’ve been….” Y/n trails off, as if the question is the hardest one she’s been asked in a while. In some ways, she supposes it is. Is she supposed to lie to Andrew? Tell him she’s fine and happy and her life is going fantastically well when the truth is she hasn’t been able to scrub the memory of him from her mind and she still buys his favorite brand of tea because when it brews, the smell makes her house feel a little more like home. “I’ve been alright,” its something between the truth and any lie she can tell; she is alright. Alive and healthy, if only a little sad sometimes – but who isn’t, right? “You?”

Andrew fumbles with his words, he’s not sure why but the question feels almost taunting. Why would she throw that back to him? Why wouldn’t she just assume that she’s stowed the best of him into a box and taken it along with her? Everyone else sees it, they tell him he hasn’t looked the same since she left, that he talks differently and he’s truly a little depressing to be around sometimes. “I’m…..okay.” Just okay – not good, not bad, but somewhere in limbo, surviving.

At his response, Y/n nods absently. God, he wishes he knew what that meant. He wishes he still knew her well enough to know what anything she does means. There used to be things that only he understood about Y/n. There’s a version of her in his mind that still whispers in the dark, even if they’re the only people in the room, and ensures all the cutlery in the drawer is packed in the same direction. There’s a version of her that might have tilted her head at his response, and told him that she knows that ‘okay’ is never just ‘okay.’

But this is someone else, someone he doesn’t know. But he loves her anyway.

He’ll love every version of her. But at least he’s only lost one.

“You’re probably the last person I’d expect to run into, here especially,” but maybe she doesn’t really know him that well anymore. Maybe he goes to the farmer’s market every Sunday now and they’ve just been missing each other.

Maybe he goes with his girlfriend - a wife even -and right now she's at another vendor. She's going to be back soon. And she'll be beautiful and Y/n will think; no wonder he let me go so easily, because he knew there was better was out there.

Shaking off the unsettling thought, Y/n adds, “you used to get everything at the grocery store.”

“You used to grow everything yourself,” he notes, not maliciously though. It's really just an innocent observation; he wonders why she stopped.

“I guess…..we’ve changed,” Y/n muses, and a little sliver of her wonders if they’ve changed enough to make it work for a second time around.

“Not too much, I hope,” but what he really means to say is; ‘I hope we’re still the kind of people that can love each other.’ “Ehm,” he clears his throat softly, and finally gathers the courage to ask what he’d been thinking about since he discreetly examined her finger, “seeing anyone?”

What a question! Simultaneously, it makes her want to laugh and cry. “Not right now, no.” Of course, she’s seen other people since their break-up, but nothing ever sticks, and that might be because every man is now measured to Andrew; does it taste the same when they kiss her? Hold her hand the way he used to? Do they tell the same sort of jokes or thread their fingers through her hair before falling asleep? “What about you?”

Andrew waves his hand dismissively, “no one serious,” there isn't really anyone at all, but he doesn’t want to seem like he’s a complete wreck and one more white lie can’t hurt.

“Good,” the word slips out almost without thought, and Y/n quickly shakes her head when Andrew arches a brow. He isn't supposed to know that she's relieved; that he just quashed one of her biggest fears - that there's another woman that knows him as well as she does, but couldn't love him half as much, “well....not good. Just you know….you’re good at being on your own,” he was pretty damn good on his own even when they lived in the same house, “so I’m sure you’re doing good,” god, she wishes she had stopped talking three minutes ago.

Hesitating, he bites his tongue as the urge to tell her that he's not okay and it's all her fault wells up. Didn’t she see the lie in his eyes when he said he was okay? Is he that much of a stranger to her now?

Again, Andrew shrugs halfheartedly, “I’ve been okay,” he repeats before pressing his lips into a thin line. He doesn’t trust himself to add anything more, because then he’ll say he still misses her and its been far too long for him to still be mourning an empty side of the bed and the sound of her laughter in the drawing room.

He shouldn’t still go into his home studio and still expect her to come trailing after him, armed with a book with the intention of curling up on the sofa that gets just the right amount of noon sun. He shouldn't miss the way she looks while humming along softly to what he's working on, blanket draped on her folded legs, hazy light washing her face - he shouldn’t have left her blanket there after all this time.

He shouldn’t even be thinking about it, because the more he does, the more he wants to tell her. Beg Y/n to come back – to take him back because he’s really only half himself without her.

“I should let you –”

“You probably have –”

“Sorry.” Another clumsy, awkward apology, this one in aching unison. There’s silence for a while, and Y/n tugs her lower lip between her teeth. In a way, it feels like they’ve been standing there for too long, at least, like this. Not knowing what to say to each other, with the nails of her free hand digging into her palm so she doesn’t reach out to touch his arm. It shouldn’t be like this, she never wanted them to come to this; reduced to two awfully familiar strangers. “I should um….I have to….go…” She goes to say home, but the word doesn’t come, “I gotta go, Andrew.”

Swallowing the lump that’s been caught in his throat since he first saw fifteen minutes earlier, Andrew nods stiffly. “Of course,” he breathes. The last thing he wants is for her to leave, but he doesn’t really have any right to keep her. “I’ll leave you to it.” They both nod that time, shy and unsure but no one leaves. Not immediately. His eyes stay matching hers, and there’s a hundred things weighing down the tip of his tongue, but clinging to it like molten sugar.

I'm sorry I let you walk out, I'm sorry about everything. I still keep your ring in my nightstand, just in case. My mom still asks about you. I should've been better, let you in and I know that now. I'd do it now. I'm actually horrible on my own now, because you've ruined me in the best way - and the worst. But he doesn't say any of it; the moment is long gone and his pride does a pretty good job at keeping him quiet.

A shuddered breath escapes her lips upon realizing that she actually hasn’t moved an inch; Y/n doesn’t think she can be the one to bring herself to leave this time. She doesn't want to turn her back to him again. So she lingers, and she swears roots are sprouting from the soles of her feet, keeping her in place, staring into his eyes because lost in them is suddenly the only place she wants to be.

“I should go,” he eventually determines, glancing away. Though, the minute he says it, Andrew is lashed with immediate regret; he does not want to go. He doesn’t want to leave, but he suspects that this time its entirely on him to turn around and walk away.

“Right, right,” Y/n blinks quickly, then, just as he’s about to turn, she interjects, if only for the purpose of holding him there a little longer, “it was really nice seeing you.”

He nods, but doesn’t say anything, not right then. Though, when he turns away and starts retreating to the other end of the small tent, squinting his eyes at the midday sun, catching him square in the face, he pauses. Throwing a cautious backwards glance her way, he finds that Y/n has returned to picking out strawberries and on a whim, Andrew finally allows himself a singular moment of weakness – perhaps in a way of giving her what she’s wanted since their very last fight. “I’ve missed you,” he utters.

Y/n’s head snaps up just as she hands the bag over to the vendor for weighting, “what?” Her brows are furrowed and her lips are slightly agape.

Hating the sudden vulnerability that comes with those three little words, he shakes his head, “nothing. I’ll see you around,” he spares her a short wave, and she does the same.

After that, not a single word is traded between them again; Y/n pays, plops the bag into her basket, and walks off, and he watches her go. There’s a sinking feeling in his chest as she weaves her way through the busy market, and there’s a strange sort of finality in the moment where the last inkling of her green jacket disappears.

What if he never sees her again? What if that moment, in that tent, surrounded by fruits honeyed by summer’s warmth and the bitter heartache of something unfinished, constitutes the last fifteen minutes they will ever share?

What if she’s gone from his life forever and he’s damned to an eternity spent looking at her pictures and never hearing her voice again? Wondering what she’s doing and if she’s finally moved on from him?

Can he survive it? Truly? Without feeling like a shell just being shuffled around by the wind?

Returning to the assortment of ruby-toned apples, he struggles to escape the onslaught in his mind and Andrew finds himself unable to choose any, not even one, so he goes with strawberries instead.

To be continued.....

[thefandomexpert]

ok. i see u complaining about how long it takes to get to shb, how are you supposed to get your friends into the fucking WONDER that is shb when they have to get through all of The Other Stuff First

I used to have this problem with Homestuck, people who wanted to skip to the trolls, or pass on the intermissions. I will repeat what I said then now:

The later stuff is mind-blowingly good BECAUSE of the setup slog. which is also fun btw, you’re having trouble selling it because you keep saying it’s a slog. it’s good storytelling! yes even arr and sb (i didn’t say it was the best storytelling!! but i’ve seen way fuckin worse!!!). You need to spend 300 hours with the characters and to watch them grow gradually for a LOT of the little character moments to even register later on, and i’m not even talking about the ascian reveals. estinien is a completely different character. thancred’s deep-seated issues have been brewing subtly since 1.0. the socio-economic political climate of the universe is SO important and SO well set up by the arr random task/fetch quests (BABY INCONSEQUENTIAL QUESTS. YEAH THE STUPID ONES IN THE INTRO PRE-SASTASHA SEQUENCES WITH THE NPCS YOU DONT REMEMBER. THOSE.) and that info is integral to character decisions made in every expansion afterwords, and is built upon consistently. the consistent build-up of the lore is, in my opinion, almost entirely the reason ffxiv’s writing stands out against other games of the genre. and it’s BOLSTERED by the fact that it’s a live service game with a shit ton of expansions you HAVE to play through single file when you start fresh. narrative games are usually 15-20 hours. ffxiv is giving you 500+ in msq alone (won’t get into how much the optional and side quests support the storytelling as well).

It’s like one of those long-running book series. you can’t ask someone to read Just the last book of animorphs and expect them to understand the narrative implications of what’s happening, or to get attached to the characters enough to care. that attachment and understanding is built by spending time and reading the other 1500 books prior. shb should not be treated as a stand-alone. in fact it’d be a bad standalone. it’s good BECAUSE there’s 500+ hours of playtime required to get there.

[chenlesfavorite]

After taking your time with viewing all the photographs with Winter, you make your way back to where everyone else is gathered.

The photos were pretty but to you, Jaemin’s photos stuck out the most, maybe it was because he was your friend, or maybe everyone else’s photos just didn’t hit the same as his did.

“Perfect, everyone is here already so that means I don’t have to go and search for y’all.” Jaemin says, arriving a few seconds later after you and Winter— taking a glance at everyone.

As Jaemin's voice catches everyone's attention, everybody turns their gaze over to him but Chenle remains unfazed and his eyes instead find their way to you... and it's as if the world around you fades into the background, leaving only Chenle in focus, like a scene from a movie.

The sight of him was insufferable to you, but that's not your concern right now. Instead, you find yourself wondering why he's staring directly at you instead of paying attention to what Jaemin is about to say. His sharp gaze unsettles you... it’s as if he’s trying to intimidate you. It's difficult to figure out his intentions, and you can't quite piece together what this guy is all about or what he wants.

You shake your head right as Jaemin clears his voice to continue his words. “Since I managed to sell a lot of my photographs, which, by the way, I’m super grateful for... I’ve just now decided, on the spot, that I’m inviting you guys to dinner! It’s all on me.” Jaemin announces with a proud smile on his face.

The others immediately perk up at the mention of free food, after all, who wouldn’t get excited? All sorts of suggestions start being thrown out there such as like; a steakhouse, a buffet, a seafood restaurant, and much more.

"Shouldn’t we just let Jaemin make the decision? After all, he’s the one who invited us to this and he’s the one paying for the dinner. We should go somewhere that he likes." Chenle suddenly speaks up, his words grabbing the attention of the others.

"He's right." You reluctantly utter, it killed you to admit that Chenle was right but oh well. You quickly avert your gaze, scratching the back of your head as the words leave your lips.

“I can’t believe you can be understanding, wow.” Chenle replies and lets out a snicker afterward.

“Okay, you two kids be quiet,” Jaemin butts into the little conversation you and Chenle are having, stopping it before you two start throwing hands and insults at each other.

After Jaemin gives much consideration— he finally gives his verdict on where he’s taking everyone. It was the restaurant not too far from the campus, there they served all sorts of food so Jaemin thought that was the best decision since everyone could get what they wanted there.

-

After arriving at the restaurant, the waiter there leads everyone to the table, letting you all take your seats; you didn’t mind Hendery sitting on your left side but what you did mind, was Chenle sitting on your right side. You were right in between the two of them.

You catch Winter's gaze shifting from you to Chenle, and then back to you. She's feeling nervous about the dinner, especially considering you'll be seated next to Chenle. You can feel her concern, likely stemming from your hatred towards Chenle due to the incident after your date with Jaehyun and the encounter at the convenience store.

He gets on your nerves badly enough already, but sitting next to him is just the cherry on top. You just hope he won’t annoy the hell out of you during this dinner.

Once all the food is ordered, the long waiting game starts.

"Y/N, how come Jaehyun couldn’t make it today to the exhibition?” Ningning brings up your boyfriend at the worst possible time, did you want to talk about Jaehyun while sitting next to Chenle? Hell no, but it seems as if you have no choice but to answer.

At that moment, the room was filled with different conversations, so hopefully the others wouldn't focus on your and Ningning’s conversation. "He just said he was busy today, that’s it. I’m not sure what he’s busy with but, yeah. I am a little disappointed though that he couldn’t come. He may not know you guys well but still, he should support my friends." You reply with a slightly disappointed tone.

"Seriously? What could he possibly be busy with after getting fired just a few days ago?" Ningning asks, crossing her arms as she looks at you with a mix of disbelief and surprise. "I'm asking myself the same question, girl. He confuses the hell out of me," You respond with a puzzled expression, adding a shrug.

"I've probably said this a thousand times, but just break up, you deserve better. How much longer are you willing to endure the suffering in that god-forsaken relationship?" Winter speaks up, adding her voice to your and Ningning's conversation.

Winter is definitely right. How much longer are you willing to endure his endless requests for race tickets, his willingness to go out on dates only after he makes a mistake, and the various other demands?

"I understand what you're saying, but as I’ve said before, it's really difficult for me to end things with him. Despite his flaws, I truly believe he's a good person, you know?” You express, letting out a heavy sigh.

“Or just let her suffer in that relationship because it seems like giving her advice is useless.” Chenle randomly joining your, Winter’s, and Ningning’s conversation was not something you expected nor did you want his opinion on this.

"Chenle, I'd appreciate it if you didn't get involved in matters that don't concern you," You say with a harsh tone. Sitting next to him was bad enough, but him trying to engage in a conversation that had nothing to do with him, only pissed you off.

“I’m just saying... jeez, what’s with you being so pissy all the time? Did you get dropped on the head as a baby?” Chenle replies, rolling his eyes, which just makes you scoff in reply.

Jaemin rises to his feet as soon as he hears you and Chenle beginning to bicker again. "Okay, everyone!" He exclaims, clapping his hands to capture everyone's attention.

‘This is going to be one hell of a dinner.’

══════════════════

NIGHT RIDER : chapter 10 — surprise dinner

back — masterlist — next

! author’s note : felt like making a written chapter hehehehe 😊 anyway spoiler but y/n’s and jaehyun’s breakup is coming VERYYY soon… and that’s when y/n and chenle’s love story starts beginning 😈 well actually it starts beginning 25+ chapters in but yk!

✮⋆˙ taglist : @nanaxwi @neocrashed @404tytrack @connormurphynation @dudekiss3r @injunnie-lemon @chenlesfeetpic @neozon3nha @morkiee @doughyk @i03jae @haechology @foxy-kitsune @fullsunbabe @polarisjisung @beommii @soobiverse @onlyhyunjin @lostinneocity @yyangj3lly @junviadinho @miyawwn @marvelahsobx @starfilledgaze @nosungluv @gukuwii @bitchzitschimi @whoooootf

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[i-will-cry-you-a-river]

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Fall: I’ve been wondering, how did you get into writing? You seem like you’ve got such a strong grasp on it. It’s kind of intimidating, honestly. You are way too good with your words, especially compared to us, mere mortals.

Shen Yuan smirked as he typed out his reply, leaning back against his hospital bed.

Shizun: You flatterer! But honestly, I’ve spent way too much time hate-reading terrible webnovels and thought, ‘Well, I can’t do worse than this’. Writing fanfiction was kind of a last-ditch effort to keep my sanity after reading PIDW for so long. And…

He started to hit backspace but hit enter instead. Shit.

It took a minute for Fall to answer. Against his hopes, not without asking about that ‘and’.

Fall: “And…”?

Fall: But LOL. I should have known that nothing can beat spite. Not sure if you know - probably you do, since you love PIDW’s world so much -, but there's a commenter, Peerless_Cucumber, who is like that. The angrier he gets, the more eloquent he writes. Barring all the swearing, LOL.

Fall: Shit! Wait. No. Now that I think about it, please, don't check him out! If you two would collaborate, you could take over the world.

Shen Yuan couldn't decide whether to cry or laugh. It seemed, it was a good decision not using his Peerless_Cucumber acc, but it was quite strange to read about himself. Maybe he should tell Fall it was him.

Hahaha. No. Fuck, no.

Shizun: Hahaha, I know about him! Would it be strange if I'd say that I kinda use his long-ass comments/essays as bases for improvement? He is always so detailed with all the problems and issues, it is much better to use those instead of the fan Wiki.

Shizun: So… about the “and”.

Shizun: I used to be quite sickly when I was young. I spent a lot of time in the hospital, and I found out that reading and writing was a wonderful way to forget about the real world. Funnily enough, I'm actually at the hospital rn, turning towards writing once more.

It took a little longer for Fall to answer. Biting into his mouth, Shen Yuan hoped that it wasn't too personal too soon. Shen Yuan glanced at the IV drip beside him, the sterile smell of the hospital room filling his senses. It wasn't that bad.

It wasn't good either.

He wanted to go home. Home had his own bed. Home had his PIDW merch and his favorite pillow his er-ge forbid to bring him to the hospital.

Fall: Oh, shit. That sucks.

Fall: I get that. Reading (and maybe writing, but you may never know) is a safe space for me too. It helps to forget about all the problems in the world, to imagine you are somewhere else, in a better place. Also, I hope you are doing okay! I'm also in a similar situation, so high five bro! (Kinda managed to do something very, very stupid. Did you know that ramen is liquid and liquid does not go well with electricity?)

Fall: On a lighter note, I really think that you are good at writing. You should try to do original work if you want to - you are, like, natural at balancing world-building and character development. I'm kinda jealous, but I've learned a lot just from reading your fic.

Shen Yuan blinked at the screen. It was one thing for random commenters to leave praise, but for some reason, hearing it from Fall felt... different. He found himself smiling stupidly, warmth blooming in his chest. Fall was just so…

He was lovely.

A great “bro”, it seemed. Way to be bro zoned.

Shizun: First of all, don't you dare to

sell yourself short! Not on my watch! You’ve got some pretty good ideas yourself. I can tell from your comments you’ve got a solid grasp on storytelling. Second, what the fuck, Fall?? You okay???

There was a longer pause before Fall replied. Shen Yuan knew that logically, Fall had to be safe, since he could write - they had been communicating constantly for the last two weeks -, but that didn't make it less scary. To know that Fall could have…

To think that Shen Yuan could have died… if either of them died…

They could have never met. It was a strangely disturbing and upsetting thought.

Fall: I'm good, I'm good! Dw!

Fall: Okay, but consider this: I don't think anybody would be interested in what I'd write. What I would like to write about.

Shen Yuan only had one answer to that:

Shizun: I'd read that.

Fall didn't reply for a long time after that, but that was okay. Shen Yuan assumed he needed some time to think about it, and that was okay. He just hoped his friend would realize how much Shen Yuan thought the world of him. He believed in Fall, even if Fall didn't believe in himself.

Shen Yuan, after all, had experience in believing in authors with great potential, who lacked the spine to be themselves and write what they wanted, instead of what the majority of the people demanded.

-*-*-*-

Fall: I've been thinking a lot about SJ and the way you portrayed him handling the Immortal Alliance Conference. It was fascinating to see the parallels. Him killing WY, who murdered those kids to save YQY versus him throwing LBH into the Abyss, believing that he, as a demonic cultivator, also killed all those kids. It was such a great moment! Shocking, because I think we all thought he would not do it since your SQQ wasn't as brutal as Airplane's, but you executed it so well! Oh, I wish Airplanes would have done the same. So heartbreaking! While PIDW created a monster out of SQQ, you created a human.

Fall: I'm also wondering if you plan to make him struggle with that choice later. Like, will he regret it in hindsight?

Shen Yuan considered this, tapping his fingers against his laptop. Fall always asked questions that made him rethink his plans. Actually, he didn't really think that he did such a great job at drawing parallels between the two Conferences, so he planned to switch POVs and continue it from Luo Binghe's, but…

It was actually a great question. The readers already knew about Luo Binghe's experiences in the Abyss more-or-less. Shen Yuan planned to show how staying at a more stable peak affected his physique, but it could be fascinating to explore what happens to Shen Qingqiu meanwhile.

Maybe he could do both…

Maybe-

Shizun: You raised a good question. I think I'll have him grapple with the consequences, it could be interesting to see how things turn out in the mortal world.

Fall: I think you should do it. It would fit your world-building theme… You could make the story feel more real. Like, the world, the characters and their choices have weight, y’know?

Shen Yuan knew exactly what Fall meant.

Shizun: Yeah, you are absolutely right. It was definitely something PIDW was missing - characters suffering real consequences. Even if they did something, be it either bad or good, it didn't really matter, because they either died in the end, or…

Fall: or had sex?

Shen Yuan snorted, typing back quickly.

Shizun: I wanted to say kinky, yet utterly boring papapa, but yes.

Fall: Oh, don't mention it! If I never read the words ‘thrust’ and ‘dangling’ again, it’d be too soon!

Shizun: I hate you.

Shizun: I want to bleach my eyes. I hate those words! And all the euphemisms Airplane use. ‘Flowers’, I get. Even ‘heavenly pillar’ makes sense! But comparing breasts to cow's udders?!?! Sometimes I wonder about Airplane's sex ed background…

There was a longer pause after that. Only his nervous ticks revealed his anxiety over that pause. Was he too offensive? It was not his Peerless_Cuvumber acc, so maybe he shouldn't have been so critical over the papapa scenes? But that was the best part in his friendship with Fall! He felt free to be open, to be himself!

Before he could work up himself, a reply came.

Fall: Maybe he doesn't really like writing sex? Or specifically, hetero sex? Maybe he is…

Shen Yuan stared at the words.

Airplane, his favorite and most hated author might be similar to him?

Maybe.

But…

Shizun: Don't care. I'm gay, and I could write better hetero sex scenes if I wanted to! Sexual orientation is not a good reason to be so bad at something!

Only after he sent the message did he realize that he fucked up. Sure, he might have flirted sometimes as they were talking with each other, but only within the boundaries of a no-homo friendship. But now that he came out in the heat of the moment…

He didn't want to lose a friend.

Fall: Okay, but you are different. You dare to write what you love.

Shen Yuan only realized that he had been withholding his breath, when he could feel himself breathe normally. It was not an explicit acceptance-

But it wasn't a rejection either.

He would take it.

Deciding, he would not bring attention to his accidental came-out, he wrote:

Shizun: If you ever decide to write something, you can also write whatever you wish to. It will be great, I'm sure of it!

There was a break in the conversation, again. He hoped he didn't push hard, since he knew Fall had been pretty hesitant to talk about his own writing in the past, but he hoped his encouragement helped.

Fall: Maybe one day. If I get brave enough to write something worth reading, you’ll be the first to know!

Shen Yuan smiled at his phone, feeling the familiar warmth settle in his chest. He wasn't sure why, but the idea of Fall sharing his work with him first, felt like something worth waiting for. The guy had a way with words, it was obvious from his comments. He was insightful and had an eye for details. Shen Yuan knew that if he ever wrote something he really liked, it would be an instant hit.

-*-*-*-

As the time passed, the day of Shen Yuan’s discharge loomed closer and closer. Which, don't misunderstand him, he desperately waited for!

However…

He had to admit. He didn't really want to leave the Hospital Guy. Sure, he still didn't know much about the guy - not even his name, for fuck's sake! -, but he had grown attached.

Hospital Guy was funny and smart and weird and hilarious. Shen Yuan enjoyed spending time with him, their quiet moments in the garden. He liked talking with/to him about everything and nothing. Hospital Guy was attentive when he ranted about the series he binge-watched between two chapters of PIDW, and they also had the same taste in music! He liked seeing the guy relax, and he loved it even more that he, Shen Yuan, was the reason for his more relaxed state!

He just liked Hospital Guy, okay?! He was just adorable, both inside and out!

So, on the day of his discharge, Shen Yuan mustered the courage to do the one thing he had yet to do: visit the guy's room.

Hospital Guy was clicking wildly on his phone, but the moment he noticed Shen Yuan, he stopped, and focused all his attention on him.

“Hi,” Shen Yuan said, surprisingly shy.

“Hello, Stranger,” Hospital Guy grinned.

“I'm leaving today,” he blurted out. The grin was instantly gone from Hospital Guy's face, turning into an unreadable mask.

It was concerning.

“Oh,” was all he said.

Shen Yuan waited, hoping for something more. A request to stay in touch, disappointment for not continuing their daily walks, or at least a goodbye that felt more meaningful. He waited for something, anything-

But the guy just nodded, his gaze drifting away from Shen Yuan, as if with that, he had already forgotten about the friend he made in the hospital.

Maybe they weren't really friends. Maybe everything was only in Shen Yuan's head.

Maybe he had bothered Hospital Guy all along.

Disappointment surged through Shen Yuan. He’d thought, maybe, there was something there; a connection, a friendship, maybe even more! But the guy didn’t seem to care.

It was as if Shen Yuan didn't even exist anymore.

“Alright,” Shen Yuan said, his voice tight. He would not cry. He would not scream. He would not fight. He would not bother Hospital Guy ever again. “Take care of yourself.”

And with that, he left.

[bullet-clubs-bitch]

I NEED a part 2 of Ying and Yang 🙏

Ying and Yang II

MJF X Fem Reader

Ask and you shall receive (This has not been proofread)

Summary: Max confessed his feelings for Y/n

Part 1 MJF Masterlist Main Masterlist

Ever since that night I coudn’t stop thinking about the way I felt for Y/n. Why was I feeling so emotional? This wasn’t like me. That post orgasm clarity hit me a bit too hard, I didn’t like it. Y/n knew something was wrong, she tried to ask me about it but I just pushed her away. Two weeks had passed since that night and the two of us hadn’t spoken since. It’s not that I didn’t want to, I just didn’t know what to say. I was scared I would say something stupid but saying nothing was worse.

During those two weeks the both of us were finally able to take sometime off after many weeks on the road. My week off was supposed to be relaxing, I was supposed to recover and take care of myself yet it was filled with anxiety. Was I in love with Y/n? I knew I was but the two of us would never work, we were polar opposites. But on the other hand we did sleep together and during that whole incident we didn’t seem too difftent. Sure Y/n was loved by all and I was hated but we did share some similarities. We both loved what we did for work, we were the biggest stars in AEW. In a way we were both liked, just in different ways. But did Y/n really want someone like me? Did she really want to go out with a scum bag? She deserved someone better than that. I know if I wanted to atleast stand a chance with Y/n I would have to make some changes, changes only she would see. So, I promised myself I would talk to her after Dynamite and explain everything. 

***

As I knocked on the door of Y/n’s private lockeroom I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I was scared. Y/n opened the door and I felt my jaw drop, she looked gorgeous. Her hair was curled and her makeup accentuated her features perfectly. She wore a little black dress and heels. She was beautuful. “Can I help you?” Y/n asked, rather standoffish. “Can I come in?” I asked. I could see her thinking about whether or not she would let me in before ushring me to enter the room. “I got these for you” I said as I handed Y/n a bouquet of daffodils. “Thanks” was all she said. I knew I fucked up. “You look beau-” “You really have some nerves to come in here right before I have a contract signing” Y/n said, cutting me off. “I really don’t know what I was thinking, I should have known you only were using me to get your dick wet” Y/n spat “I’m such an idiot to think you actually cared about me. I thought we were friends Max. How long was this plan of yours? You acted all kind for months just to get with me and then ghost me? I thought we shared something special, Max” I didn’t know what to say, I knew I would fuck this up. 

“Y/n, I wanted to come here and apologize. I really like you, I was scared I would say something stupid and mess this up but by saying nothing made things worse. The truth is I felt something that night, something I had never felt before. I’m sorry that I made you feel as if I was only using you for sex but I promise you I want so much more than that.” I was nervous, I was word vomiting. Y/n wasn’t buying what I was selling, I knew I would take more to convince her I genuinely wanted to be more than just friends.

“The truth is Y/n, I’m scared. I’m terrified. Terrified about the feelings I have for you. Look at us, we are polar opposites, we would never work but I would do anything for us to work. Remember when you asked me that night if I was okay and I said I needed air?” “Yes, I remember” “Well, in that moment I relised I was in love with you. I love you Y/n, I’ve never felt this way about anybody before but there is just something about you that drives me insane. I know I’m a scumbag and you deserve someone better than me but I’m willing to change if it means I can atlest have a chance with you” 

I could see Y/n’s features soffen, she was conflicted. “Can you give me another chance? I promise it will be worth it” “It better be worth it” I really hope I don’t fuck this up. 

[the-cookie-of-doom]

The kid was a skinny little scrap of a thing with a mean face. A pretty face, but mean, twisted up around the edges with suspicion and arrogance. He came unarmed. Porsche still didn’t understand it. Surely the boy should know better than to come here, into enemy territory, without so much as a knife in his stylish designer boot. A show of good faith, he called it. The sarcastic lilt to his voice meant Porsche hadn’t believed it. 

“You’re a long way from home, Kimhan,” Porsche said. He’s reclining back in a big leather chair, one ankle crossed over his knee, a glass in one hand and a pistol in the other. Kim was standing in the middle of his office. Porsche hadn’t offered a seat and Kim didn’t take one. “Does your father know you’re here?”

“Obviously not.” 

Pretty, mean, and shrewd. Everything Porsche would expect from a Theerapanyakul brat. 

“Does anyone?” 

“... No.” 

“Really, now.” Porsche’s brows crawled up his forehead as he wondered, is this kid stupid or reckless? “I’m sure you know how dangerous that is. And admitting it, too. Little Kim all alone. What’s to stop me from holding you here, nong?”

Kim jutted his chin out defiantly, meeting Porsche’s eyes. There was no fear to be found in his own. 

“You can’t use me against my father,” he said, his voice unwavering. “The second I walked out his door I was dead to him.”

“Why are you here, then?”

“To offer a deal.”

“Sounds like a trap.”

“It isn’t.” 

“But it could be.” 

Kim made a frustrated sound, snapping, “It isn’t.” 

Porsche grinned. He was so easy to rile up. Hot tempered little thing, just like his brother, Kinn. Porsche wondered if it was a family trait, then dismissed the thought; Korn was always cold and calculating, always in control. Nothing like his sons. 

“Alright, fine. What’s your deal?”

“I’ll tell you everything I know about my father’s business. There’s plenty to learn; ever since Kinn became the heir, he’s been grooming to take after him in case anything happens. I’ve been in all of his meetings. I know who he plans to fuck over and when—you included.”

Porsche leaned forward, his interest piqued. And more than ever, his suspicion grew. 

“That sounds too good to be true. What’s the catch?”

“I’m not giving you the information for free. You need to do something for me, first.”

“And what’s that? Kill your father?”

“No. My brother’s lover.” 

“Interesting proposal.” Porsche watched the young man in front of him for a long time, schooling his features to ensure he gave nothing away. He wanted to make Kim sweat a little bit, see if he revealed anything else.

Kim waited. Not patiently, but he waited. He kept clenching and releasing his hands; an obvious tell, someone should have trained that out of him by now. Porsche still didn’t say anything, didn’t smile or jeer, not even when Kim’s nervous fidgeting became impossible to ignore. 

Finally, Kim couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Well?” he demanded. 

“What has this person done to earn your ire, nong?” And why can’t you do it yourself?

“He’s a traitor. He’s selling my family’s secrets.”

“Exactly what you’re trying to do, now.” 

“It’s different.” Kim looked away, his jaw clenched so tightly, it was a wonder his teeth didn’t shatter. “He’s going to get my brother killed. That’s another condition for the deal. You can’t hurt Kinn.” 

Porsche swallowed a laugh. The kid was bold. 

“Any other conditions you want to add?”

“Yes.” Amused, Porsche gestured for him to continue, “You kill Tawan. You don’t hurt my brother; not now, not ever. And…” 

“And?”

“And you let me stay with you.” Porsche said nothing. The shock on his face was clear enough. “I’m already a traitor by being here. My father won’t let that go unpunished. If you can—” he swallowed, “protect me from him, then you can have me, and everything I know.” 

“I can have you.” Again, that stubborn chin tilt. “And what would I do with you, Kim?”

“Whatever you want. Fuck me, torture me, forget about me, I don’t care. As long as you don’t let my father take me.” 

“I don’t know. Pretty boys like you aren’t my type.” And that wasn’t even a lie. Porsche could look at Kim and see that he was objectively attractive, sure, and would be even prettier if he stopped making that mean face. That didn’t mean Porsche wanted him. 

“Are you sure about that?” Kim took a step forward. The two guards flanking the entrance reached for their guns, but Porsche waved them off. Kim was unarmed. Porsche wasn’t. “A hole is a hole, right?” Another step. “Fucking me doens’t have to mean anything.” Another step, leaving him just in front of Porsche; one more and Kim would be between his legs. “You take care of me, I take care of you. Fair?”

“Seems like you’re getting more out of this deal than I am. You haven’t even given me anything to make me believe this isn’t a set up. How do I know your ass is worth it?” 

“Find out,” Kim challenged, so brazen that Porsche had to laugh. 

“I don’t think so.” Let Kim get him alone, naked and defenseless? No. For all Porsche knew, this was still a trap. The boy certainly made for an attractive honey pot. “Tell you what, you let me sample the goods, and I’ll take care of your brother’s boy problem. Then we’ll see about those family secrets.” 

“Fine.” Kim began to lift up his shirt, but Porsche stopped him. 

“On your knees. Show me what that mouth of yours can do.” 

Kim gave him a dirty look, like the prospect of sucking Porsche off was worse than fucking him. But he obeyed. He closed the scant space left between them, dropped to his knees, and brought his hands to Porsche’s belt. He was pleased to note they didn’t shake; Kim was entirely confident as he worked Porsche’s pants open and pulled out his cock; soft in his hand, but quickly hardening with a few firm strokes. 

Porsche expected Kim to balk. He expected Kim to reveal the ruse, or to come to his senses. Somehow, despite his dick filling Kim’s hand, he didn’t not expect it to then fill the boy’s mouth. But Kim was relentless. He didn’t play or tease. He wrapped his soft lips around the head of Porsche's dick and sucked, hard, his slender fingers squeezing around the base. 

It felt good. Kim was right; a hole was a hole. One willing mouth was no different than any other. 

Laying a hand on the back of Kim’s head, Porsche guided him lower, pushing with gentle pressure that he could have resisted, if he wanted to. Instead Kim accepted the guidance, let Porsche sink deeper into his mouth, until the head brushed the back of his throat and he gagged. He reeled back with a violent cough, saliva dripping down his chin already. 

“Aw, is this your first time?” Porsche didn’t mean to mock him, truly. But whether he meant to or not, that’s how it sounded, and Kim looked up at him like he wanted to bite him. 

“No,” Kim snapped, and just like that, he was back, sinking down over Porsche’s cock while digging his nails into his thighs. He set a steady pace, working himself over Porsche’s length, choking every time it battered the back of his throat until he could swallow it down and bury his nose against Porsche’s pelvis. 

Kim was a sight to behold; his eyes big and bright, tears dampening his long lashes and dripping down his cheeks, his lips red and swollen around Porsche’s cock as he took it down his throat. He swallowed, pulling a groan out of Porsche. Emboldened by the first sign Porsche was—begrudgingly—enjoying himself, Kim hollowed his cheeks and ran his tongue along the underside of Porsche’s dick as he pulled off, only to swallow him again, and again, and again. He still choked every time, but the spasms only meant he squeezed Porsche tighter, pulling more sounds of pleasure out of him. 

When Porsche finally came, Kim jerked back at the first spurt of come on his tongue, letting the rest of it splash across his face. 

Panting to catch his breath, one eye closed against the come dripping down his brow, Kim looked up at Porsche from his place on the ground and demanded with a hoarse voice, “Well?” 

This kid doesn’t give up, Porsche thought. He tucked himself back into his pants and nodded to his guards to come and take the boy away. 

“Wait, wait!” The two men hauled Kim up to his feet. “Do we have a deal?” 

“Sure, kid. Clean yourself up, we can work something out later.” 

For the first time all evening, Kim relaxed. Not entirely, Porsche could still see sharp lines of tension in his body. But there was a slump to his shoulders that hadn’t been there when he came in, his eyes going soft and downturned. Relieved. He let himself be led away. 

[thebibliosphere]

Hi! I was wondering if you’ve ever heard of ‘nutrition response testing’ (also called ‘applied kinesiology’ and ‘contact reflex analysis’)? I had it done a few days ago by a holistic health care practice and they recommended several (expensive) supplements for various health issues. I didn’t know that was what was going to happen going in, my mom got a recommendation for their practice and convinced me to try it. I was originally going to go along with it, since they really sounded like they knew what they were talking about, and made me feel very heard and respected, but now I’m not so sure. They made a pretty big oversight regarding me being allergic to one of the recommended supplements, which lead to me doing a ton of research on everything they were doing. It was pretty inconclusive. Some sites said it’s complete pseudoscience and doesn’t work at all, but I’ve also seen a lot of people claim it helped them with decades long health issues. I just really don’t know what to make of this, or where to go to figure it out, so I figured I’d ask you.

I also know several people who found relief from symptoms from seeing kinesiologists.

I respect their experiences and am glad they found help, but as someone who worked the holistic circuit for many years and still uses some holistic treatments in my own health journey, I am going to urge an abundance of caution going forward.

In holistic circles, there's a tendency to throw supplements at you to see what sticks. If you feel better, great! You possibly had a deficiency you were either unaware of or were just on the cusp of borderline so it wasn't flagged up in regular testing.

If you don't, there's a tendency to tell you to keep taking them because "these things take time," and also have you tried {x other product they also just so happen to sell in their clinic.}

And people do it, usually because the supplements cost less than going to see the actual doctor, or their doctor doesn't make them feel heard and this nice person is offering them a solution while sounding very confident about it.

One of the major draws of holistic medicine for a lot of people is that it lets sick people feel heard. We take time with people to make them feel valid and cared for because that is also an important part of the healing process. But again, speaking as someone with multiple holistic qualifications and who still uses some of them, holistic care is not a substitute for conventional medicine. It can be a good addition, but it should not be your only method of treatment.

Now, not all of these items are useless and not all people who sell supplements and other such things in their clinic are suspicious.

It's just that there's very little regulation on who can sell these kind of things (as well as very little regulation of the supplements themselves), and you need to be careful about who you trust and be aware of how they are being promoted to you.

(One way to do this is look up the brand of supplements being sold and seeing who their parent company is. Chiropractors, for instance, are notorious for buying supplements from companies that operate like MLMs, giving them incentive to shill them to all their patients whether they need them or not.)

It's true, some holistic types are very good at spotting deficiencies in how the body looks and responds to certain things. Especially if they have legitimate medical training to back up their practice. But that is also true of any conventional doctor who pays attention.

I walked in to see my PCP not too long ago and he was able to diagnose a zinc deficiency due to the symptoms I was describing and a subtle change he noticed in my nails.

Hell, my dentist was the one who figured out my mouth ulcers and the muscle tic in my jaw might be a b12 deficiency and urged me to see the doctor who ultimately saved my life.

In those instances, supplementation was necessary because I have chronic underlying conditions that prevent me from absorbing nutrients from my food.

Unlike any kinesiologist I've known, however, both instances were followed up with diagnostic blood work to check the accuracy of those suspected deficiencies, both to ensure it was correct but also ensure appropriate supplemental dosing.

I can't tell you the number of times someone has suggested I take "shit-yourself" levels of magnesium because someone who also shills essential oils on the side told them to. No thank you.

You didn't mention if the person you saw wanted to do diagnostic blood testing before offering you supplements, but if they didn't, that's a red flag for me. The fact that they missed an allergy you presumably told them about is another (just as it would be for a regular doctor).

So, should you listen to them? That's up to you. I personally prefer to see doctors who take a more holistic approach to the body, but I also know enough to combine it with conventional medicine and when testing is needed. I have that experience and know-how. Not everyone does, and it can be very easy to trust the nice person telling you to Buy Their Shiny Tonic To Cure Thine Ailments.

Maybe it'll help, maybe it won't. But it sounds like your gut is giving you a warning sign. I'd be inclined not to ignore it.

[performativezippers]

Hey! Sorry if you’ve already answered, I went back a bit in your writing tips tag a bit but didn’t see anything related. I was wondering if you’ve got any tips for getting agents/publishers interested? I’ve been writing fic a while and am working on some original work now (like the romcom with some deeper themes genre) and I’d really love to get it published but the whole process and just even starting with that can seem so daunting

Love your work and excited for your book! Thanks so much, hope you have a great day!

Hey anon! I have talked about this before but I can't find it either, so let's do it!

Essentially for publishing, you have three main options (there are lots of sub-options and nuances, but I'm going to keep this pretty general). Those options are: self-publishing, traditional publishing, and indie or small-press publishing.

Self Publishing

What is it: This is when you write your book, use betas to help you edit it, and then you publish it yourself, most commonly on amazon. You can hire someone to make the cover or hire an editor, or you can do all of that yourself. You do everything, including layout, marketing, design, jacket copy, etc. Amazon lets people order either e-books or print-on-demand usually, so it's possible people could buy physical copies. If you wanted an audiobook, you'd have to pay a company to produce one for you.

The pros: You keep most of the money from sales, you keep all creative control, it happens on your timeline, you won't end up with things (cover, for example) that you don't like. Since you can publish very quickly (no year+ delay) you can get a big backlist very quickly, which means more books for your fans to find and enjoy. No rejection, because the only person judging if your book should be published is you.

The cons: You do everything yourself, and any help is something you have to pay for out of pocket. Without several rounds of professional editing it won't be as polished as other manuscripts. It's very hard to bust through the noise of the thousands of other self-pubbed books to find your readership, and most libraries and bookstores won't carry your book. Of course there are exceptions and people who go viral on booktok or whatever and make a lot of money, but remember those are rare cases, and most self-pubbed authors will sell (I think) 50-500 copies. The money you don't keep goes to evil jeff bezos.

How do you do it: However you want! There are lots of facebook groups and discord channels of people self-pubbing who can give you resources for how to format, design, upload, and publish your book. Best practice is definitely to hire an editor if you can!

Traditional Publishing

What is it: Often called "trad pub," this is what most people think of when they think of "getting published." There used to be dozens of trad pubs, but now there's 5 big houses that have gobbled up all the little ones. Now the little ones are called "imprints" and the big ones are called the "big 5 houses." It's like how Meta owns facebook and instagram—think of FB and IG as "imprints" and Meta as the "house." The big 5 are Macmillan, Simon & Schuster, HarperCollins, Hachette, and Penguin Random House. These are big companies that buy your manuscript from you, publish it, and then give you some of the sale money. Most of the profit stays with them; however, in theory, you should sell a lot more copies with trad pub than any other kind so the money should ultimately be better. Plus, they pay you for the initial purchase of your book, called an advance, which can be a lot of money if you're lucky, or a regular cool amount of money if you're regular.

The pro's: Your book will be in bookstores and libraries and you will likely get an audiobook. Your pub will send your books to reviewers, booksellers, and influencers to get buzz, and a lot of the marketing will be on them instead of on you. You have a team of professional editors working on the manuscript with you, plus cover and format are designed by professionals. You pay for nothing. You get an advance, plus royalties if you sell enough. Most houses buy right of first refusal for your next book (called an "option clause" or just "option") which is a great way to build a career. Sometimes they'll offer you a 2 or 3 book deal off the bat.

The con's: You only get 7-10% of most sales, financially, and then you give 15% of what you get to your agent. The process is veeeeeery long (average from contract to publication is about 18 months) and it's extremely competitive. There are very few trad pub deals compared to the number of aspiring authors. You don't have full creative control, and you might end up with an editor you don't jive with (mostly you will though!) or a cover or even title you don't love (these things can be mitigated by having a good agent who will fight for you). You're like, working with The Man. So much rejection (agents and editors/houses). Most people who try to get trad pubbed will not succeed.

How to do it: You will always need an agent first for trad pub. How it works is that you offer yourself and your manuscript to agents for them to sign you as a client. This process is called querying, and it's relatively horrifying. I can go into more detail in another post if anyone has questions. Once you've signed with an agent, you might do some editing rounds with them if they're that type of agent. Then they write a cover letter for your book and come up with a list of places to submit it to. They submit it to individual editors "Christina at X imprint of Hachette," usually 8-12 at a time. If all 8-12 Christina's turn it down, you might do another round or you might not. If no Christina's buy your book, that book has died. If a Christina buys it, yay, you have a trad pub deal!! If multiple Christina's want it, CONGRATS, you've "gone to auction" and they fight over you. After you've picked a Christina, they give you money(!!!) and then you and Christina edit the book together and then in like 2 years it comes out!

Indie or Small-Press Publishing

There are lots of terms for this, but basically this is using a publisher (like trad pub) who is small (not a big 5) to publish your book. Maybe think of an imprint that hasn't (yet) been gobbled up. This is kind of a middle ground between Trad and Self pubbing. Usually a shorter editorial timeline, a little less editing maybe, and they almost always have a much smaller budget/team for marketing and publicity. You can still be in bookstores and libraries but it depends on their distribution and connections with booksellers. They have editors and cover designers and all of that, but quality will vary from house to house. Some are ebook only, while most will be print-and-ebook deals. You may or may not get an audiobook. Do your research!

Note: any small press that asks YOU to pay THEM to publish it, edit it, or anything else IS A SCAM. The money should only ever flow from them to you. Most small presses are wonderful and not-scams, but stay aware.

Pro's: You're a published author! You may get more attention and focus from your team than at a Big 5. You may get more input into things like title, cover, design, and edits. You may love the small town feel of it! Lots of people love this option and it works perfectly for them. You're not working for The Man!

Con's: You have to do a lot of the marketing lift yourself, but the pub still keeps most of your revenue from sales. You may or may not get an advance, and if you do, it likely will be a more normal amount ($500-$5,000 I'd guess). Still lots of opportunities for rejection!

How to do it: Some require agents and some don't--in that case, you submit your manuscript directly to them. Best practice is if you get an offer without an agent, quickly try to get an agent to help you negotiate the contract and everything moving forward. Agents are a god send! Do your research, and enjoy!

Those are the basics. It's really complicated and tough out there, but I'm very happy to answer more specific questions as they come up for anyone!

[jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka]

Sorry this took me a while to update again, but I am pretty happy with how this one turned out. Without further ado, part 5!

Pairings: Jake Kiszka X Danny Wagner **slash

Warnings and tags: 18+ only!! Minors not for you! Adult content including: insecurity, some body image issues, going through difficult feelings, very light smut including: flirty touches, kissing and more kissing, dad Jake AU, uncle Danny AU

Word count: 6k

**Quick message after the cut

[A/n: I’d just like to preface this chapter by saying that men should always feel validated if struggling with self and body image issues. I do not believe or suggest that Jake should feel any sort of way about his beautiful, beautiful body. The feelings referred to in this chapter are that of basically an OC and their purpose is not to shame anyone but instead to focus on how difficult it can be to take care of yourself and be a parent. That being said, the remainder of this story will not focus on this insecurity. Quick shout out to Trust Me, Darling for all of the complicated emotions untangled there]

Jake tried to keep his focus at Wednesday afternoon’s practice, but when his roaming eyes flicked over to the bleachers and he saw a now familiar form sitting there, he couldn’t help but let a smile warm his face.

“Come on girls! One more time and then your parents should be here to pick you up!” Jake shouted at the youngins running across the field with their soccer balls. Some of them were more entertained by running with their friends, some preferred to kick the grass rather than the ball, but a few of the girls were actually starting to really get the hang of it. It felt good to watch them successfully get the ball from point A to the goal, even if they weren’t quite ready to advance to scoring and blocking yet.

He waited until everyone except Emma had been picked up, trying to ignore his bubbling excitement as Danny approached from behind.

“Are we walking you home today little miss Emma?” Jake asked, taking the whole ignoring Danny a step further.

“No, my uncle is here to get me” she replied matter-of-factly, making Jake chuckle as he finally turned to face him.

“I don’t know, I think maybe we should make sure you guys get home safe” Jake continued, gathering his backpack after shoving all the balls back into the sports bag.

“You still don’t trust me?” Danny asked, faking sounding hurt as he scooped the bag up from underneath Jake’s hand and tossed it over his shoulder, silently offering to carry it just like he had the first time they’d met. Only this time Jake willingly let him.

“Actually, I’m glad you don’t mind walking with us because I have a favor to ask you” Danny continued as they started off as a group down the neighborhood.

“A favor?” Jake raised his brows. Since when had they gotten on those terms? He didn’t know, and honestly didn’t care, but he was curious to see what Danny wanted from him.

“Friend of Rudy’s came by the shop yesterday. We got to talking and he told me he had this old acoustic he was looking at selling. Says it needs some TLC, but he cut me a good deal since I worked at the shop” Danny spoke, continuously keeping his eyes ahead on the carefree girls who walked in front of them, making their stroll slower than it needed to be but much appreciated nonetheless. “My sister told me you’re quite the guitar expert, was wondering if you wouldn’t mind helping me get it back in good condition?”

“Your sister flatters me” Jake replied, wondering once again how often he was the subject of their conversation. “What are we talking? Change of strings? Tuning? I can do small body repairs but to keep the integrity I might have to refer you to someone else for any major work”.

“I’ve got it at the house if you want to come take a look? Promised Emma I'd take her to a bookstore so yesterday we killed two birds with one stone. She got her books and I got my guitar”.

Jake scratched his chin and nodded his head “I suppose I can do that”. Danny didn’t know it yet, but in Jake terms agreeing to do a favor like this meant he would actually put his whole heart into the project. He wasn’t too busy at work for the time being, so besides practice he should have plenty of time to work on it for him.

“I wasn’t sure if I would see you today” Jake continued, looking down at his feet and kicking a pebble over to the kids who giggled and started kicking it down the sidewalk on their own.

“I know, I said I’d be patient, but I got excited when I picked up the guitar. Left work early today so I could offer to pick Emma up” Danny revealed, his own shy smile gracing his lips as he spared one look in Jake’s direction.

“You could have just called me. Who knows I might’ve been able to talk you out of buying it if it’s a piece of junk”.

Danny chuckled, making a mental note that Jake was basically giving him the green light to reach out to him whenever he wanted.

“Can I show Luna my new books?” Emma asked Jake once they reached their front porch.

“Sure, but Luna we’re not staying long. We still have to go home and eat dinner before bed time”.

“Ok Daddy!” The kids took off first down the hallway, disappearing into Emma’s room while Danny led Jake further.

“You okay?” Danny asked when he sensed Jake’s sudden trepidation.

“Yeah, I’ve just never been back this far before” he replied, quickening his pace to catch up. Jake had never had a reason to visit the guest bedroom before, but now here he was following Danny through the door.

For some reason he’d expected to see something different inside; posters across the wall, maybe a messy bed, something that fit the image of the rouge younger brother Danny put off. Instead it looked like any typical guest bedroom, plain walls, a muted blue duvet spread neatly across the queen size mattress that Jake couldn’t help but wonder how much room Danny’s form took up on it at night.

His eyes continued to scan across the room, settling on a small stack of books laying in a neat pile next to a crumpled up pack of cigarettes on top of the dresser to the right. Jake turned to ask Danny about his reading habits, but his words hung in his mouth when he saw Danny to the left. The closet door was open and he stood with his back to Jake as he peeled his shirt off and tossed it into the basket inside.

“Sorry!” He quickly turned back around, trying to hide the blush that crept across his face after just that one look. Danny was slim that you could easily tell, but shirtless you see just how brawny he really was, especially in his shoulders and arms.

“Sorry, didn’t have a chance to change after work, was dying to get out of that dirty shirt. Am I making you uncomfortable?” Danny asked, genuine concern in his voice like he hadn’t even considered the idea that Jake would get flustered if he quickly changed.

“No, I just-” Jake’s voice trailed off, too embarrassed to admit that he liked what he’d seen a little too much, but glanced over again anyways. He was relieved to see Danny had a new shirt on, albeit it was barely a shirt with the sleeves cut off and the arm holes torn open to the point it barely clung to his chest anymore.

“Is that it?” He pointed over to the black guitar shaped case he saw sitting in the corner of that side of the room, purposely changing the subject so he wouldn’t have to continue his train of thought.

“Umm, yeah” Danny moved to collect it off the floor and placed the case gently on the bed so he could open it up and give Jake a peek. “It’s nothing fancy, but I’m hoping with a little fixing up she’ll sing”.

“No, this is a nice model”. Jake picked up the instrument, feeling the familiar weight in his hands and examining the body. It was in good shape, few scratches on the back, but no cracks or warping. “Oh yeah, this will be easy”.

“Great! So how much will I owe you?”

Jake laid the guitar back into the case and secured the latches on the sides. “Don’t worry about it, but I do expect this to make us even” he turned to joking to mask how nervous he really was as he grabbed the handle and let the case come to rest down by his side.

“Oh, right, we’re good” Danny chuckled as he rubbed the back of his arm. Actually he’d much prefer to continue to have a way to persuade Jake to hang out, but since he’d seemed a lot more willing recently maybe he didn’t need much of a reason anynore. That was a comforting thought, hopefully it meant he was doing something right.

“When do you want it done by? I should have everything I need at home so I could probably have it ready by the weekend…” Jake trailed off, hoping Danny remembered their previous agreement to see each other this weekend.

“No rush, but this weekend sounds good. I cleared my calendar” Danny replied, dropping the hint that he only had one big plan, and that was spending as much time as Jake as he’d allow him.

“Ok, well I will see you then?” He started to excuse himself, but just before he could turn back towards the door Danny called out to him.

“Wait! One more thing”.

A steady hand came to rest on Jake’s waist, tugging him back as another hand cupped his jaw and pulled him into an unexpected kiss. It took a bit for Jake’s mind to catch up and compute what was happening, but moments later his lips were softening and he was allowing himself to kiss Danny back.

“Is this okay?” Danny questioned, not pulling away just yet but wanting to check in and make sure Jake didn’t want to punch him in the face right now.

“Yeah,” Jake’s breath came out hot against his lips, his tongue darting out to lick at them and bring Jake’s taste further into his mouth, “yeah this is okay”.

“Good” Danny’s lips pulled into a relieved smile next, “because I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time”.

Jake let his free hand that wasn’t still gripping onto the guitar case for dear life reach around to the back of Danny’s head and guided him down until they were connecting again, Jake sighing into the kiss this time. “Me too”.

When Jake got home he felt like he was in a daze the rest of the evening. Thankfully school and practice had tired Luna out quite a bit, so after dinner and some reading time she fell asleep right in Jake’s arms on the couch and he carried her off to bed.

Normally he’d be more than ready to lay down and relax until his own tiredness caught up to him and pulled him into sleep, but he fidgeted around in the bathroom for a while after his shower trying to keep his mind occupied with anything other than Danny.

With his nails trimmed, face cleanly shaven, a random gray hair he’d never noticed before plucked straight from the top of his scalp, and even some facial moisturizer on, he finally gave in and crawled into bed.

Of course the first thing on his mind was how it felt to kiss Danny for the first time. He’d been so nervous for no reason. It felt warm, and comforting, and his lips still tingled from the memory as he grazed his fingertips over their sensitive nerve endings.

It was good, nothing earth shattering but that was more than okay, because good meant he could feel again, and his feelings were coming crashing down onto him like a heavy weight settling onto his chest. Just as vivid as the kiss, he remembered that glance at Danny shirtless. Attraction was there, clearly after Monday night’s activity Jake couldn’t deny anymore that he was into Danny. Insecurity crept in between the cracks in his thoughts though, cracks that had formed over the years of being alone and growing older.

Jake had never been the overly confident type. He knew he was good looking of course, but he couldn’t help but pick out little things he could improve on and compared himself to others- especially when he practically had a carbon copy walking around that he grew more and more different from day by day.

The way his hair frizzed when he broke into a sweat, the slant in his septum he’d finally gotten fixed last year after years of being annoyed by it, the shuffle of his feet when he was tired and didn’t realize he wasn’t picking them up. They were all hardly significant things others didn’t seem to notice or care about, but Jake scolded himself anyways. And now, having seen Danny’s near perfect form, he found himself comparing again.

Would Danny have the same awestruck reaction when seeing him shirtless for the first time? Or would he be disappointed?

Jake forced the thoughts out of his head and turned onto his side, wrapping his arms around his heavy chest and squeezing his eyes shut. It was just his inner subconscious working against himself. He had to fight those feelings because he knew they were wrong and would only hold him back. He was done holding back. This was his chance to relearn to love again, and in being loved, return to loving himself once more.

“Bad news Jakey, all the flights are canceled. Well maybe not all, but ours for sure” Josh’s voice spoke over the cell phone speaker since both of Jake’s hands were a little busy with restringing Danny’s guitar when he called.

“Oh shit, what are you guys going to do?” Jake replied, trying to split his focus. “They can’t get you on another flight?”

“Yeah they can… tomorrow” Josh chuckled defeatedly. Jake could tell he was frustrated, but also what are you really supposed to do in situations like these. “It’s just a shame we already checked out of the resort. I wouldn’t mind staying in Palm Springs another night if we hadn’t”.

“Yeah, yeah, very romantic engagement getaway. We get it” Jake teased back, just trying to keep the mood light. “So you’re coming home tomorrow then?”

“Late tomorrow night. They told us we could show up to the airport and try to leave early but I don’t want to take anyone else’s chances away. We’re not in any hurry. I don't have to be back at work until Monday anyways”.

Jake hummed his understanding, eyebrows pinching at the center as he concentrated on pushing a particularly stubborn bridge pin out.

“Anyways, I was calling to see how my Lun-bug is doing? Is she excited for summer?”

“She’s excited, though I don’t think she realizes how boring it will be to stay home with dad almost every day for two months. She says she just wants to stay up late and sleep in”. It was easy for Jake to talk about his daughter to Josh, both of his brothers really were great uncles, but Josh did tend to go above and beyond to vie for her affection.

“Seems she’s got her priorities straight!” Josh wholeheartedly laughed. “Oh to be five with no cares in the world”.

“Umm, five and three quarters” Jake corrected him the same way Luna corrected everyone else, causing his brother to laugh again.

“Well, that’s the update. I know how badly you were dying to take us out to congratulate us, but unfortunately we will be late to the party” Josh sighed once the amusement wore off.

“I was not planning on taking you out” Jake scoffed, shaking his head at Josh’s presumptuous premise. “I’m busy this weekend” he let slip, knowing now Josh wouldn't actually be planning to hang up soon anymore.

“Busy?” Josh’s voice raised in pitch, obviously asking for more details.

“Danny and I are… hanging out”. It felt weird to phrase it that way, but neither of them had discussed any specific plans other than wanting to see each other, and now that Josh was going to be almost two days delayed in coming home he knew he couldn’t ask him to watch Luna. Not that he needed a babysitter, right?

Danny was exceptionally good with the kids, at least from all he’d seen, but it wouldn’t be much of a date with Luna tagging along. He certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable testing any waters while she was around just yet. Though she was familiar with Danny already, growing up all she ever knew was her Dad so to suddenly bring someone else into their life, Jake certainly wasn’t ready for that big a step.

“So this Danny guy has stuck around? You haven’t kicked him to the curb yet?”

“Don’t make it sound like I’m an asshole” Jake grumbled. Just because he hadn't been trying as hard to find someone as Josh thought he should’ve been, didn’t mean he hadn’t been trying at all.

“But you are kind of an asshole” Josh replied, waiting for the rebuttal that never came.

“Yeah, you’re kind of right” Jake set the guitar down on the table he’d been working at and rubbed his eyes with hard pressure in his fingertips until he saw colorful blotches dancing around. “I don’t want to fuck this up. I think I really like him”.

“Well then don’t” Josh offered his bit of advice, “fight for it Jake. Don’t let the rest of the world get in the way. You deserve this”.

Jake let his brother's words sink in, it was nothing he didn’t already know, but hearing it from his most trusted other half made it finally start to stick. He inhaled a grounding breath and reopened his eyes. “I’m happy for you Josh. You deserve it too”.

“Thanks Jakey” he replied softly, some slight strain in his voice now. “Okay, I’m gonna hang up now before I start getting emotional. Since when did we become such sappy sentimentals?”

“Speak for yourself” Jake huffed a strained laugh of his own, knowing full well Josh could sense his torrent of emotions stirring just under the surface. “I’ll let you go now, got to figure out what to cook for dinner soon”.

“Alright, I’ll talk to you later, and I want to meet your new friend soon! You can’t keep mystery guy all to yourself forever”.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that”. Jake picked up his phone and hit the red end call button before Josh could pester him any further.

He was right though, Danny was a bit of a mystery. Maybe that’s why he was becoming more drawn in each time he saw him. Introducing Danny to his brothers would have to come eventually, but for now he needed more time alone with this enigmatic man to figure out what it was about him that was breaking Jake out of his shell.

“Luna! What do you want for dinner?” Jake called as he made his way through the living room and into the kitchen. His brain was too preoccupied to put together a whole meal, so instead he let the toddler pick which meant they ended up eating grilled chicken, peas, and macaroni- could’ve been worse.

Both of their plates were cleared and Jake let Luna stand on a stool at the sink to help wash the dishes, glad she was still young enough to find dunking the pans and plates in soapy water entertaining as he scrubbed and dried.

After her bedtime story Jake got Luna settled down for the night and went back to work on the guitar for a bit longer before calling it and getting ready for bed himself. Tomorrow was Friday, which meant all he had to do was make it through one more day of work and the weekend would be here.

Friday turned out to be a terrible day. Everything that could possibly go wrong seemed to be hitting one right after another. First there were problems with tax forms which were annoying and tedious to fix, but needed to be done immediately. Then Jake had to step in and take over for the festival planning since that team in charge of that was terribly behind. They had quite a few artists at a local festival agree to donate a portion of their profits to the foundation, in exchange they were in charge of having a booth at the festival.

Jake hated festival planning. There were always so many working parts and extra people to manage, strict schedules to adhere to, and extra hours of work associated with all of that, so he usually handed them off to others. At the end of the day though, he was still responsible for ensuring everything involving the midwest branch was running smoothly, which is why he was a little bit peeved that they had waited until Friday to ask for his help.

“Alright, start sending out those memos. Attach the schedule and band list. Monday morning I expect a recap of response” Jake finished up with his final instruction as he packed his work laptop in his weekend bag. After hours of combing through everything with the team he was just about drained, but everyone seemed a lot more confident in what their role was in getting things back on track.

It was already a quarter after six when he loaded his things into the car and headed home. His phone rang, and he hit the answer call button from the screen on his dash just as he pulled up to a red light. “Hey! I am on my way now. Thank you so much for picking Luna up for me”. Jake answered the call, having text Emma’s parents asking if they could pick both the girls up from school since he had to stay late.

“No worries, I was actually calling to tell you Luna wanted to know if she could sleep over”. Emma’s mom replied.

Jake thought about it for a moment. Luna had never stayed anywhere overnight without him, but he knew she did well sleeping regardless of where they were so he wasn’t too worried about it.

“I really don’t mind. Those two keep themselves pretty entertained, and we ordered pizza when we got home so she’s already eaten” she continued, hoping to ease Jake’s mind.

“Okay, let me just run home and pack her a bag real quick and I’ll run it over?”

“Sounds good!”

As soon as he got home Jake dropped his laptop bag off on the kitchen table and headed into Launa’s room. He filled a backpack with pajamas, two changes of clothes just in case, her bear bear since he knew she wouldn’t go to bed without it, and grabbed an extra blanket from her stash just in case.

“Hi Daddy!” Luna exclaimed when he showed up to see her for a moment and make sure she still actually wanted to stay the night. “Want to come see our tent!”

“Tent?” Jake glanced over at Emma’s mom for clarification since the darkening clouds outside signaled it was going to rain soon. In fact there was a weather advisory out for flash floods this evening.

“It’s in Emma’s room” she chuckled, noticing his slight panic.

“Alright” he let Luna take his hand and drag him towards the room, rambling excitedly the whole way. “We had pizza for dinner but I gave Emma’s dad my ‘ronis cause I don’t like em”.

“Well I’m sure he appreciated that” he replied, centering his focus on her instead of letting his eyes wander further down the hallway.

In the middle of the room there was a princess tent large enough that the tiny toddler mattress from the bed fit perfectly inside. It was already packed with lots of stuffed animals, but Jake went ahead and unzipped Launa’s backpack to reveal her favorite.

“Bear bear!” She squealed, snatching it from his hands and crawling into the tent to place him perfectly in the middle.

Just like that Emma came running into her room and joined Luna in the tent, the two of them getting right back into playing whatever they had been before Jake arrived.

“See, I told you they’re fine” Emma’s mom backed out of the doorway so Jake could slip out. Before he could stop himself he glanced over to the room at the very end of the hallway, seeing the door closed. “Danny hasn’t been home yet today” she continued, cocking her eyebrow when Jake looked back at her pretending to be confused about why she was mentioning it. “I’ll tell him you stopped by” she offered as they made their way back towards the front of the house.

“Oh don’t worry about it. I have his number” Jake replied, suddenly feeling awkward about having looked for him. “Let me know if anything happens or if you need anything”.

“Go home, get some rest. I’ll take good care of her”.

Jake smiled and nodded, he believed her, Luna was in good hands. Now all that mattered was that he had the house entirely to himself for once in quite a while.

Once back at home, Jake heated up some leftovers but after just a few bites he decided he wasn’t hungry. He tidied up the kitchen since there was a little mess from this morning, taking the opportunity to thoroughly wipe down his coffee machine and organize all his mugs in the cabinet.

Afterwards he started a load of laundry, walking around the house and picking up stay articles of clothing Luna had left behind and tossing everything in the washer.

Only an hour had passed but the storm clouds outside made it look like night had already arrived. He debated getting his laptop out and checking emails, but after the day he’d had at work literally anything else sounded more appealing than that. He could have gone to bed early, gotten caught up on some much needed sleep, but a nagging feeling kept him from relaxing.

Eventually he ended up just sitting at the table in his office, staring at his phone laying there silent, not a single text or notification, debating if he should make this call or not. Deciding he was being ridiculous, he picked up the phone and found the contact, bringing the speaker to his ear as it rang a few times.

“Jake?” Danny finally answered, surprised to see his name come up across the screen.

“Are you busy?” Jake asked, trying to sound nonchalant when he knew Danny wasn’t just at home.

“No, just had to get out of there for a while” he answered, his voice trailing off as if there was something the matter.

Jake wanted to press it, but he bit back his worry and instead got to the reason why he’d called. “Your sister is watching the girls tonight. Did you…” Jake was fidgeting, shifting his weight in his chair uncomfortably, “did you want to come over?”

Danny’s voice softened at the offer, a slight taunt building behind his words, “you want me to come over?”

He was excited, but his question in return was also giving Jake the opportunity to truly consider what he was proposing. He was home alone, and he was inviting Danny, he had to know what that meant right? Danny hoped so, because he already knew he wouldn’t be able to behave.

“I mean, if you want to then yeah”.

“Okay, I’m on my way right now”.

Wherever Danny had gone off to, it must not have been far because within 10 minutes he was texting Jake back.

Come outside

8:12PM

Jake grabbed a light jacket since a strong breeze was starting to blow through bringing the storm nearer, and made his way to the front door. He stopped for a split second to peer out of the tall narrow windows on either side of the mahogany to see Danny in his driveway leaning against his motorcycle. He was in his usual faded black jeans and his pair of worn in chucks, but instead of just a t-shirt he wore a black hoodie and his mess of curls were hidden underneath a snapback hat turned backwards on his head. He looked soft, like Jake could just run into his embrace and everything else around them would melt away.

“I see you got this thing running” Jake kept himself pulled together as he closed the front door and hit the lock button. For a brief second he looked around the neighborhood, no one was outside. He was being anxious for no reason.

“You sure you don’t want a ride?” Danny asked, pushing off to grab Jake by the waist and plant a swift kiss to his cheek before letting him go again. “It clears the mind”.

“Maybe just this once?”

Though he actually agreed, Jake hesitated as he tried to figure out how this was going to work. A wide smile spread across Danny’s face, like he secretly knew Jake was more enthralled with the motorcycle than he let on, then grabbed the handles and swung his leg around. He started the bike up again, its newly refurbished engine purring to life as he twisted at the waist to pat the tiny spot on the seat behind him. “Where to?”

“Anywhere” Jake replied, stretching onto the tip of his toes in his boots to grab onto Danny’s shoulders and climb onto the back. “Just get me out of here”.

They took off slowly down the street, picking up speed gradually but never going too fast. Jake moved his hands from Danny’s shoulders to his waist, trying to figure out where to grip so that he felt secure until one of Danny’s hands came around and tugged on his arm, making Jake slide closer against his back. He wrapped his arms around Danny’s midsection, feeling the warmth from his body across his chest and the heat emanating from the engine down his calves.

Just as they made it a few blocks over, the rain started. First in a tiny sprinkling Jake could barely feel prickling against his cheeks, then it came down in a steady drizzle, dampening his hair that whipped wildly behind him.

Jake wrapped his hands around his forearms that still encircled Danny, closed his eyes, and leaned back so that he could feel the wind and the rain on his face.

Before long they were slowing down again and Jake lifted his head, reopening his eyes to look through the blur of rain that had collected on his lashes seeing that they were crossing the old highway at the fringe of the suburb. Once they made it across, Danny pulled into a small dilapidated lot where cars used to pull over for a break from driving and used the muscle in his leg to put the kickstand in place.

He waited for Jake to dismount first, who stood there as the rain really started to pour, confused about why they’d stopped here of all places. “We’re almost there, just up that hill”.

Danny turned the bike off and stuffed the key in his front pocket before he grabbed Jake’s hand and took off up the narrow concrete path that led to an overgrown rest stop, complete with a covered stone picnic table. Under the oning and out of the rain, Danny stepped onto the bench and took a seat on the crumbling table, looking out over the empty highway and the soaked landscape.

Jake joined him on the table, quietly listening to the thunder rumbling in the distance and the sound of rushing water as the rain ran off the top of the shelter and started to pool on the ground in front of them.

“Our parents used to take my sister and I up here for lunch in the summer” Danny began, his eyes distant as if he were seeing through the wet and the dark and into the past where it was still warm and sunny. “They live right up that highway, just about two miles. So close, but I haven’t even been to see them since moving over here”.

“Why not?” Jake asked, turning his attention away from the downpour and to the man next to him who sat as still and rigid as the concrete structure beneath them. He looked like a statue that belonged in an art exhibition the way he had his elbows propped up on his knees and he slouched over deep in thought.

Something seemed different about Danny today. He wasn’t this spirited young rebel Jake had grown accustomed to, but instead he was darkened, troubled. Jake only found this new side of Danny intriguing though, a deeper layer he was exposing of himself. Jake felt like this was a part of Danny he could relate to, and it made his blooming affection towards him only grow exponentially.

Danny sighed and sat up for a moment to pull his hat off and shake off the droplets that clung to the fabric before raking his fingers through his curls and slipping the hat back in place. “Don’t know, guess I’m scared to”.

Jake bit his lip, not having the knowledge of what their relationship was, but still able to sympathize with him nonetheless. He felt the same way about his in-laws most of the time. He knew it was absurd, but his mind had made up this delusion that they thought he wasn’t good enough. That he’d never been good enough for their daughter, for the job they’d given him, and as a Dad to Luna. It was a hard feeling to live with.

“It’s just I’ve spent the last six years trying to run from them, from the perfect person they want me to be. My sister, she gets it, she’s everything they always envisioned for her. College, good job, married to a man who supports their family, she’s always so put together and perfect… I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t force myself to conform to those standards, so after only a year of college I took off and I haven’t been back since. At least not until now”.

Danny poured his overflowing emotions out, just like the seemingly never ending rain surrounding them, and Jake sat and listened.

“I did a lot of stupid things. Got into some sketchy shit. Got some tattoos, piercings, whatever. I dress the way I want now and I’m happy with how I turned out, but I don’t know if they will accept this me”.

For a moment they sat there without speaking again until Jake figured out what he wanted to say. He reached his hand over and closed his palm around one of Danny’s, the simplest of touches but one that Danny had given him before.

“There is nothing about you they shouldn’t love. Even so, if you’re happy then I’m sure they will eventually come to understand. You should find the time to go see them, I bet they miss you”.

Danny cracked a small heartless half smile, but he turned his hand over in Jake’s grasp and threaded their fingers together. It felt good to get that off his chest, the life slowly returning to his eyes as he looked over and met Jake’s captivating gaze.

His hair was sopping wet, and it clung to his neck in chocolatey tendrils. With his free hand, Danny reached over and ran his fingers through his strands, amazed at the way they slid through without any tangles. Jake closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, allowing Danny comb through his hair over and over again, each time feeling the way his fingers brushed against his scalp.

Unable to take it any longer, Danny leaned in and captured Jake’s cold lips with his own. Jake sucked in a breath, but soon he eagerly returned the kiss, loosening his jaw and slotting their mouths together as it quickly deepened. He squeezed Danny’s hand in his own, trying to ask for more, but instead Danny slightly pulled away.

“It’s a good thing it’s raining so hard, otherwise I’d think you could hear how hard my heart is pounding right now”.

Jake’s eyes widened at the confession, his own pulse starting to quicken when Danny brought his hand up and pressed Jake’s palm firmly against his chest. “Here. Feel it?”

It would’ve been nearly impossible to feel the thumping of the muscle through the thick fabric of his hoodie, except Jake was so tuned into him that he did actually believe he felt it. A soft thump thump thump against his rib cage beating in time to the tempo of the rain droplets above them.

“Danny” Jake mumbled, barely registering his small hmm? in response. “Kiss me again”.

Danny didn’t need to be asked twice, he quickly closed the gap between them once more, reaching around Jake’s smaller form and pressing his hand against the small of his back to get him even closer. A shiver broke through, running up Jake’s spine and he felt his limbs going numb.

“Are you cold?” Danny asked without removing his lips from Jake’s. He didn’t get a reply though, only a stubborn press of his mouth harder against him. “Want to go back? To your place?”

Jake finally relented, the idea of getting him somewhere dry, and not wide out in the open, more appealing than continuing their make out session here.

“Please?” He replied, unintentionally giving puppy dog eyes so wide that Danny smiled for real this time and gave him one last peck before they ran back out into the rain together.

Tags: @sanguinebats @kultavalo @lipstickitty @gracev0609 @lyndz2names

[ultimateaclrecovery]

Japan Day 11 (from my trip last November, but this is the last one!)

Last day in Tokyo and travel home!

Started the day with some more temple and some cute bridges with a bunch of koi

And then it was mostly shopping for last minute souvenirs and things that are cheaper in Japan. So here are some more fun Disney pictures!

Ended the trip by finally getting the panda cream puffs from stand right by our hotel transit stop, and then it was homeward bound! I celebrated being home by using my new bear shaped pancake maker to keep the cute food going.

What a wonderful trip!

Overly long travel diary (read if bored)

Day 11

Started our day fairly early with free hotel breakfast and then took the train to see tokyos temple. It had a cool pagado and a garden with a bunch of koi but I admit to being a little templed out at this point. We spend the rest of our morning time before the airport shopping. We start at the little stall market by the temple that is just starting to open. I get a bird shaped custard to eat right then 80 yen. And a box set of fun ct character custards to eat later. And a little lantern that I will make a Christmas ornament, best part I get a 500 yen coin so now I have the full set.

We then go to a grocery for snacks and then a don Quito for more snacks and weird things. I get some snacks and some socks for my brothers girlfriend.

Then we go look at fancy tea and dish ware for my bf. He gets a sake set and a tea set and a get a little heart shaped mold for making rice balls. We then go to Tokyo station for ramen and back to the character store so I can get the penguin in a Christmas tree that I’ve been thinking about all week. It’s smaller than I had built it up in my head but it’s still so cute so I get it even tho it is over priced and silly. It’s cute and makes me happy. I look for other things I might want but don’t really find anything.

We then head back out to do more shopping and whatnot at a normal mall. Anthony gets normal things like socks and underwear because they are cheaper here and we find our dads matching Japanese shirts. They are nicer than ones we’ve seen at the souvenir shops. I really want a womens cut shirt but I don’t think they have any. They have some fun womens graphics and I find one I really like but it’s only in large. We realize you can print the designs on different shirts or design your own but can’t quite figure it out. I try asking the guy working there if I can get the one I like in a medium and luckily he knows enough English to figure what I’m asking and sets it all up. I then have to go buy the medium shirt and then get it to printing people. I manage to do it successfully but only because the workers know some English. Although they keep trying to explain things to me in Japanese before giving up and pointing at their English signs or trying use what English they know. I worry as I get printed that maybe I should’ve gotten a small but it’s cotton so it will shrink a little so it should be fine.

We head back to towards the hotel and get vending machine drinks on the way, can’t believe I made it this far without using a vending machine. I use some of what’s left of my ic card for a 180 yen grape Fanta. I love me some things that are purple even tho I don’t normally like pop. I got my ic card down to like 200 yen so I did pretty good job there.

And then it’s off to buy panda custards! They’ve been selling them at the train station nearest our hotel and I’ve wanted them since we’ve got here.

Then collect our bags from the hotel and head to the bigger train station to get tickets for the train to the airport. It’s a special one so can’t just use your ic card.

At the airport we mostly breeze through security except I forgot a tiny water bottle in my backpack from the flight out here oops. And then we go to the liquor store so my bf can get fun liquor and I buy one of the bottle for him since the us it’s only one tax free per person.

We stop by at another store just to see and I find the cutest howls moving castle tote bag. It’s a little over priced (ghibli plus airport) but it’s the cutest tote bag I’ve seen here so I get it.

I then get ice cream with my remaining, non souvenir coins.

The flight is uneventful and then his parents give us a ride back to his place my first time meeting them which is a little overwhelming after traveling for so long. I take a 20 dollar lyft back from his place and then it’s home sweet. I crank my heat back up to normal and start to unpack.

General thoughts.

The toilets here can be so fancy. Minus the one public restroom one just in the street that was just the hole in the ground. But any western toilets have bidets and a lot of them are fancy enough to lift up their kids when you walk into the room. My favorite tho is the public restrooms with little speakers that can play water music at the push of a button. Anthony thinks this is to cover the sounds of peeing or pooping but I think the rushing water is also to help you go.

[elliewiltarwyn]

FFXIV Write 2024 | #30: Two Heads Are Better Than One

3rd Umbral Moon, 24th Sun, 1577 6UE

Had the chance to speak with Minfilia on the way back from Ul’dah - for the first time since before Titan, since Livia sas Junius wiped out the Waking Sands…

All things considered, she’s holding together stunningly well; I expected naught otherwise (which might not be the fairest weight of expectation, now that I think on it…), but it’s still relieving to see. She poured some tea and we chatted about nothing in particular for a little while before she thanked me for the rescue. Somehow…that made me feel worse about all the missteps it took to get here. My ears still burn and ring damnably when I think of how furiously I accused Longhart (gods I have to get used to this) Mia of selling us out to the Empire in the aftermath of the raid. They still burn as I think about how Lahabrea wore Thancred’s face - which led me to suspect Thancred of having been a double agent all along and saying so to Minfilia’s face, not realizing he’s been there for her for most of her life. He was even the one who dubbed her Minfilia.

It burns because… it’s been something like four, five moons I’ve been with these Scions, and still I cast suspicion about me like a fishing net. Like I haven’t already given more of myself to these people than I ever expected I could, after six years of trauma and pain and mistrust on Pearl Lane - like these people haven’t done so, so much for me. Like Lily hasn’t been the kindest soul, sweet and deserving of whatever protection I can give her. Like Yda and Papalymo didn’t recognize whatever “potential” I had and believed in me enough to invite me into this circle. Like Y’shtola and, yes, Thancred haven’t been invaluable wellsprings of knowledge and political savvy, and pretty good in a scrap to boot. Like Alphinaud—brat that he is—hasn’t still managed to steer me true in a time where we felt powerless and afraid.

Like Mia hasn’t taken massive wounds and blows in order to protect me as I cast my white magic, in spite of all the venomous words and blistering arguments we’ve thrown at each other.

It made me wonder if perhaps that was why Minfilia never sent me out on a mission alone, always under an Archon’s supervision and always with Mia or Lily at my side. I asked her, after moons of waiting to do so, why she had kept pairing me off with them, seeing how often we got in each other’s way and butted heads with each other.

She had simply smiled in that manner that makes me slightly punch-drunk and said, “I won’t say I knew all along, but I always believed there was potential in the partnerships and relationships you were forming ever so reluctantly. Seeing the way you worked together so seamlessly to free us from the castrum…I believe my faith has been rewarded.”

She really pierces to the heart of something that has been bothering me ever since my time on Pearl Lane. After I woke up in Raya-O-Senna’s sickbed in Gridania, I still closed myself off and refused to let myself draw close to anyone - even Sylphie, whom Brother E-Sumi entrusted to my care, I kept at arm’s length. I would be a fool to deny I did my absolute damnedest to do the same with the Scions of the Seventh Dawn - and I’ve failed utterly. And maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

I’ve found myself a part of something, an effort larger than myself, and that’s actually pretty amazing. And none of us would be here if it weren’t for the efforts of each and every one of us - I couldn’t have hoped to weather such a storm alone.

So maybe I should try trusting in others and working together with them to—for instance—fight back against the XIVth Legion, destroy its Allagan superweapon, and free the Eorzean Alliance from the tyrannical grasp of the Empire. Can’t do it myself; two heads, indeed several, are better than one. And we’ve got a fair few good heads around here.

[mack-devereaux]

I’ve loved you this whole time.

Part 2

Nico Hischier x Y/N

Part 1 has been posted for about a month I think. Sorry to those I made wait, I had a hard time figuring out where I wanted this one to go. This part does contain smut, there’s not a ton of detail but please only 18+. As of right now I don’t plan on making a third part but who knows.

Picture is from Pinterest

Enjoy 😊

~~~~~

Y/n was out of breath as she was moving a box of books across her store. She had just gotten a bunch of new signed books in and she needed to rearrange the store. The bell chimed and she looked towards the entrance to see Nico coming in with a cup of coffee.

“Oh my gosh you’re the best” she smiled at him.

“I figured you needed a little pick me up, now what should we do next?” Nico asked.

“I need all those boxes over here” y/n stood with her arms crossed looking at the piles upon piles of books. Nico let out a long breath, not entirely sure how someone so little could have torn apart an entire store in less than 20 minutes since he went to go get coffee.

“How about we put all these away first, although I do admire your motivation” Nico said steering y/n away from the massive pile of boxes. He was right, she was getting too ahead of herself. As she was sorting the books she looked over to Nico who was putting together more shelves. As he was reaching over his head his shirt rode up a bit and she found herself losing track of what she was supposed to be doing. How was it humanly possible to look like that she thought to herself. He looked like Adonis himself. A book slipped out of her hands and dropped to the floor with a loud thud and she snapped back into reality.

“You ok?” Nico smirked, he caught her, a while ago, she was zoned out for a good two minutes before she realized she was distracted.

“Yep I’m good” she turned around immediately and walked to her desk. Embarrassment flooded her features. Taking a drink of her coffee she felt arms wrap around her middle, he whispered in her ear “you know we’ve been seeing each other for a while, it’s ok to admit you’re insanely attracted to me.”

“Oh my god Nico!” She pushed him away laughing.

Pulling her back he pressed a soft kiss to her lips, she relaxed into him. He pulled away and pressed another kiss to her forehead. He walked back to the shelves he was supposed to be working on, and she went back to stacking books on to the shelves that were already up.

Nicos phone started ringing on the desk, he glanced over at y/n, “would you mind answering that for me love.”

“Sure” she smiled at him, walking over to grab his phone she looked at the contact, “it’s your child calling you.” Nico laughed as she answered “hey Jack”.

“Y/n? Is this y/n? Like the actual y/n” Jack asked.

“Uh” she glanced at nico “yes?” Y/n put the phone on speaker not really knowing where this was going. Nico stopped what he was doing, knowing Jack was up to something. From the stories Nico had told her Jack was quite the character. He called and texted often, she was glad he had close friends on the team who missed him.

“Oh my gosh finally. You have no idea how much he talks about you. Y/n this. Y/n that. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure you’re a wonderful person, you’d have to be if Nico liked you-“

“Ok Jack that’s enough what do you need” Nico had said kinda embarrassed by Jacks rambling.

“Umm hi Nico I missed you too” Jack scoffed. Nico rolled his eyes and y/n giggled, “I just wanted to say hi, and see if you had asked her yet out but clearly you have so I’m just seeing how my best friend is doing. Also y/n do you sell those smutty books in your store? You should give one to Nico he could use the info from them I’m sure”.

“Goodbye Jack” Nico said as he hung up the phone.

“Well he is quite the character” y/n said after a moment.

“Yes he is” Nico sighed. Y/n started giggling and then Nico did too.

“Well I do have some smutty books” y/n stated looking up at Nico.

“I’m fully aware y/n don’t start that” Nico said as he realized she was teasing him as well. After deciding she had teased him enough she went back to organizing and he went to finish the shelves.

A few hours had passed and they had finally put the little shop back together. She fell into his side and hugged him “thank you for helping me today, I really do appreciate you” she said grinning up at him.

“It was nothing y/n I’m just glad I got to hang out with you today” he shrugged.

“Ready for movie night then” she asked.

“Absolutely I am.”

~~~~~

Nico sighed at the relentless buzzing of his phone.

From: Jack

Did you make a move yet?

Have you slept with her?

Have you even kissed her?

You’re losing daylight man.

To: Jack

Oh my god Jack leave me alone.

That sounded hostile, I’m sorry.

Obviously I’ve kissed her.

But seriously quit texting me.

From: Jack

Ok rude.

To: Jack

I said I was sorry.

From: Jack

Omg are you with her still?

From: Dawson

MAKE A MOVE MY MAN

To: Dawson

Ugh not you too.

~~~~~

“Is everything ok?” Y/n giggled.

“Yes, my children keep bothering me, I’m sorry love.” Nico tossed his phone off to the side after silencing it.

“Jack is funny” y/n said snuggling into Nico as they both sat on the couch in her apartment.

“I’m glad someone thinks so, remind me to never introduce him to you, he’ll scare you off I think” Nico said as he scrolled through the tv to find a movie to watch.

“Don’t be dramatic” y/n rolled her eyes at him.

Nico finally settled on a movie and they watched it in silence, well he watched it. Y/n had maneuvered herself to where she could stare at Nico without being too obvious. He truly was just a beautiful human. If someone had told her a few months ago that he would be helping her in her shop and they would be going on cute dates and spending every waking moment together she would have laughed in their face. Six whole years she had admired him, and in the short time they had spent together she was a goner. She had fallen in love with him so easily. She had fallen in love with the way he talked, with the way he cared so easily for everyone and everything.

In one short moment he had made eye contact with her, and he could feel himself falling even more, if that was at all possible.

“Have you been watching the movie love?”

“No, I’m watching you” she blushed.

He tipped her face up to his as kissed her lightly. It was soft but full of love. He began to lay down on the couch and pulled her on top of him. As the kissing got a little more intense she ground her hips into his, lightly at first to see his reaction.

“Love be careful, at the rate we are going I don’t think I can stop” Nico said softly “Im trying to be a gentleman.”

“Nico” she looked into his eyes, “I don’t want you to be a gentleman.”

Almost instantly he flipped her over to where he was hovering over her.

“Are you sure” he stared into her eyes.

“Yes.”

He kissed her again, clothing was removed, the only sound that could be heard was soft moans and the noise from the tv. He moved his lips to her neck and down her chest, nipping and kissing as he went. He made eye contact as he kissed her stomach. Going a bit lower to where she needed him most, “Nico please” she moaned. He settled between her legs and removed her lace underwear. “You’re so beautiful love” he spoke. He worked his tongue on her clit, moving his fingers in and out of her as her breathing got heavier. Her hands went into his hair as her first orgasm crashed over her. His lips immediately started placing kisses back up her body as he made his way up to her face again. Her skin was so soft. Why hadn’t he made a move before. She was incredible. He settled his hips back on to hers, his hard on pressing into her. After kissing her for another few seconds he removed his boxers and lined himself up with her center and pushed himself in. He kissed her hard as she gasped at the pressure she felt in between her legs. Her nails scratched down his back, he lifted her legs to wrap around his hips as he rolled them into her. Each thrust had him more breathless than the last. As their orgasms crashed over the both of them he collapsed on top of her, they laid there for a few minutes, just enjoying the afterglow of what had just occurred between them. Her hands playing with the hair on the back of his neck and almost put him to sleep.

“Are you ok?” Nico asked as he looked into her eyes.

“Yes, that was perfect” she said. He pulled up one of the throw blankets and laid it on top of them as they maneuvered themselves to a comfier cuddling position. Her head on his chest and his arms wrapped around her.

“Nico?” Y/n had asked quietly. He almost didn’t hear her.

“Yes love” he picked his head up and looked into those beautiful eyes.

“When you leave for Jersey-��

“No,” He cut her off with a kiss, honestly he didn’t want to think about leaving. It broke his heart, he just got the girl, and he had to leave in a few weeks again.

“We will make it work, I promise. I will figure out a way to make us work. I just got you, and I refuse to lose you.”

[timeless-fanfic]

Your writing is something to be proud of, girl! 😉 annndddd.. I heard your inbox was empty. can I request a fic of y/n being best friends with Eden and that’s how she meets Andrew? Like a love at first sight kind of deal?

Market Friends

Word Count: 5106

Andrew x Reader, Eden x (Platonic) Reader

Note: I am so sorry this turned out so long! I loved your idea, and it's probably the longest single piece of writing I have done so far...I just couldn't stop writing!

The sun hung high in the sky, casting a golden glow over the bustling market of Capernaum. Stalls lined the crowded streets, overflowing with fresh produce, textiles, spices, and trinkets from all around the region. Merchants called out their prices, their voices blending into a symphony of bargaining and chatter. (Y/N) navigated her way through the chaos, the aroma of fresh bread and dried herbs filling the air.

She had been here many times before, but today felt different—there was a sense of anticipation in her heart that she couldn’t quite place. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she paused at a stall selling dates, examining the plump fruit when a soft voice broke through her focus.

“Oh, excuse me!” The woman’s voice was bright, full of warmth.

(Y/N) turned and found herself face to face with a woman about her age, with a delicate cream hair covering. She smiled apologetically, holding up a hand as if to explain her slight bump.

“I didn’t mean to run into you,” she continued, her eyes twinkling with a mix of friendliness and embarrassment. “The market is so crowded today.”

(Y/N) laughed, waving off the woman’s concern. “No harm done! It’s hard to avoid bumping into someone with how busy it is.”

The woman let out a small sigh of relief. “You’re right. It’s a madhouse here today. I’m Eden, by the way.”

“I’m (Y/N),” she replied, offering a smile. “Are you from Capernaum?”

“I am! My husband and I live here. What about you?”

(Y/N) nodded. “Yes, I moved not too long ago.”

Eden’s smile widened. “That’s wonderful! There aren’t many newcomers these days. How are you finding it?”

“Busy,” (Y/N) admitted, gesturing to the market around them. “But I’ve grown to love it. There’s always something new to discover.”

Eden’s eyes sparkled with understanding. “I know exactly what you mean! The market can be overwhelming, but once you get used to it, it becomes a bit of an adventure.” She glanced at the dates (Y/N) had been eyeing. “Are you buying those?”

“Yes,” (Y/N) said, picking one up. “I haven’t had dates this fresh since I left home.”

Eden gave a knowing smile. “I was just about to buy some myself. This stall has the best ones in town.” She paused for a moment, looking thoughtful before turning back to (Y/N). “You know, I don’t usually do this, but would you like to walk together? It’s always more fun with company, and I could show you around if you’re still learning the ropes.”

(Y/N) was taken aback by the woman’s friendliness but felt a warmth bloom in her chest. Eden’s offer felt genuine, and after being on her own for so long, the idea of making a new friend was more than appealing.

“I’d love that,” (Y/N) said with a smile.

And just like that, they fell into step beside each other, weaving their way through the bustling market. Eden led the way, pointing out the best vendors, the stalls to avoid, and sharing little anecdotes about life in Capernaum.

“You should never buy from the spice vendor down the alley,” Eden warned playfully. “He’ll charge you double if you’re not careful.”

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow. “Noted. I’ll stick to your recommendations.”

As they walked, the conversation shifted from lighthearted banter about the market to more personal topics. Eden told (Y/N) about her husband, Simon, a fisherman who worked with his brother Andrew. She spoke with such pride and affection that it was clear how much she loved him.

“I’m sure you’ll meet him soon,” Eden said, a glint of mischief in her eye. “He’s impossible to miss, always has something to say.”

(Y/N) laughed. “He sounds like quite the character.”

Eden nodded, her smile softening. “He is. But that’s why I love him.”

(Y/N) found herself opening up as well, sharing stories about her own family and the journey that had brought her to Capernaum. Though they had only just met, there was something about Eden that made her easy to talk to—her warmth, her openness. It was as if they had been friends for years, not mere minutes.

As they continued to explore the market together, the sun began to dip lower in the sky, casting long shadows across the stone streets. They paused at a stall selling freshly baked bread, and Eden handed a few coins to the vendor before turning to (Y/N).

“You know,” she said thoughtfully, “I’m really glad we bumped into each other today. It’s not every day you meet someone you just…click with.”

(Y/N) smiled, feeling the same sense of connection. “I’m glad too. It’s been a while since I’ve made a friend like this.”

Eden’s eyes lit up. “Well, I hope you don’t mind, but I think we should meet again soon. I can introduce you to Simon and Andrew—and maybe we can make a habit of our market walks.”

(Y/N) nodded eagerly. “I’d like that.”

They exchanged a few more stories and laughs as they made their way to the edge of the market, the stalls slowly closing down for the evening. The day had been unexpected, but in the best possible way. (Y/N) had come to the market alone but was leaving with a newfound friendship that already felt special.

As they parted ways, Eden gave (Y/N) a quick hug. “I’ll see you soon?”

“Definitely,” (Y/N) replied, feeling a genuine sense of excitement for their next meeting.

As she watched Eden disappear into the fading light of the marketplace, (Y/N) couldn’t help but smile. What had started as an ordinary day had turned into the beginning of something new—a friendship that felt like it had always been meant to be.

With a lighter heart and a bag full of dates, (Y/N) made her way home, already looking forward to the next time she and Eden would meet.

The sun was just beginning to sink behind the hills, casting a warm, golden hue across the docks of Capernaum. Fishermen were busy unloading the last of the day’s catch, their voices mingling with the cries of seagulls overhead. (Y/N) had come to the docks to pick up some fresh fish for dinner, but her trip had quickly turned into more of a struggle than she anticipated.

The bag of fish she had purchased was heavier than expected, and her arms were beginning to ache as she trudged back up the path towards town. The weight pulled at her shoulders, making her steps slower and more labored. She gritted her teeth, determined to push through. But halfway up the hill, she could feel the bag slipping from her grasp.

Just as she was about to give in and set the bag down for a moment, a voice from behind startled her.

“Here, let me help you with that.”

Before she could protest, a pair of strong hands reached out, taking the bag from her. (Y/N) turned, surprised to see a young man with kind eyes and a gentle smile standing next to her. His hands were calloused—clearly someone who worked with them often—and there was something calming in his demeanor, despite his sudden appearance.

“Oh, thank you!” (Y/N) breathed, her cheeks flushing slightly from both the exertion and the unexpected kindness.

The man chuckled softly, adjusting the bag over his shoulder with ease. “It looked like you were about to lose your grip. Fish can be slippery, can’t they?”

(Y/N) smiled, feeling a little embarrassed. “I wasn’t expecting it to be so heavy. I suppose I overestimated my strength.”

“I’m usually the one carrying these things. You could say I have a bit of experience with it,” he said as they started walking together, his voice warm and friendly.

(Y/N) glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He had an easy confidence about him, though there was also a softness in the way he spoke that made her feel at ease.

“Well, thank you,” she said, offering him a grateful smile. “I don’t think I would’ve made it much farther on my own.”

Andrew shook his head. “No need to thank me. I’m happy to help.”

They walked in comfortable silence for a few moments, the sound of the waves crashing gently against the shore in the distance. (Y/N) could feel her heart beating a little faster than usual, and she couldn’t quite place why. There was something about this man that made her feel flustered—something beyond the fact that he had stepped in at just the right moment.

“So, are you from Capernaum?” Andrew asked, glancing over at her as they neared the town’s center.

“Yes,” (Y/N) replied, “well, sort of. I’ve been here for a while now.”

Andrew nodded. “I thought I hadn’t seen you before. My brother and I live here. We fish, mostly.” He paused, his eyes softening. “It’s not much, but it’s honest work.”

(Y/N) smiled at his modesty. “It sounds like hard work to me.”

He shrugged, a small smile tugging at his lips. “It can be, but I enjoy it. There’s something peaceful about being on the water. Even when it’s difficult, there’s a kind of…stillness, you know?”

(Y/N) didn’t know much about fishing, but she found herself nodding along. There was something soothing in the way he spoke, and she couldn’t help but feel drawn to him. She wanted to ask more—about his work, his life, the peace he found on the water—but before she could, a unfamiliar voice called out from across the street.

“Andrew!”

Both (Y/N) and Andrew turned to see a man waving frantically from the other side of the road, motioning for Andrew to come over. Andrew’s smile faltered, and (Y/N) could see the hesitation in his eyes.

“That’s my brother,” he said with an apologetic look. “I’m afraid I have to go.”

(Y/N) nodded, trying to hide the disappointment that fluttered in her chest. “Of course. Thank you again for your help.”

Andrew hesitated for a moment, as if he wanted to say more, but the urgency in his brother’s shouts grew louder. He handed the bag of fish back to (Y/N), his fingers brushing hers ever so slightly. The brief contact sent a jolt through her, and she wondered if he felt it too.

“Take care,” he said softly, his eyes lingering on hers for a moment longer than necessary.

“You too,” (Y/N) replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

And then he was gone, hurrying across the street to join his brother, who gave him a playful shove the moment he arrived. (Y/N) watched as they disappeared into the crowd, her heart still racing from the unexpected encounter.

She stood there for a moment, clutching the bag of fish to her chest, trying to make sense of what had just happened. There was something about Andrew—something in the way he had looked at her, in the way his voice had sounded—that left her feeling flustered and…enchanted.

But they hadn’t even exchanged names.

With a sigh, (Y/N) turned and began walking home, her mind swirling with thoughts of the kind stranger. She replayed their conversation over and over in her head, wishing she had said more, wishing she had asked his name—or at least had more time.

As she made her way through the winding streets of Capernaum, she couldn’t shake the feeling that this wouldn’t be the last time she saw him. There had been something unspoken between them, something that felt unfinished.

For now, though, she could only hope.

The evening air was cool as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a soft glow over Simon and Andrew’s modest home. Inside, the brothers sat at a small wooden table, sharing a simple meal of bread, fish, and olives. The day had been long, and while Simon was focused on eating, Andrew’s thoughts were far away—still replaying his encounter with the woman at the docks.

Simon, noticing the distant look on Andrew’s face, raised an eyebrow. “You’re unusually quiet tonight,” he said between bites. “Something on your mind?”

Andrew blinked, startled out of his thoughts. He hesitated for a moment, then set his bread down, a shy smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Well… actually, there is something.”

Simon leaned back in his chair, grinning. “Oh, this should be good. What is it?”

Andrew rubbed the back of his neck, clearly flustered. “I, uh… met someone today. A woman. A very beautiful woman.”

Simon’s grin widened. “Oh, a woman, huh? The one from the docks earlier today? Do tell.” His tone was playful, but his eyes glinted with genuine curiosity.

Andrew sighed, feeling a little foolish for how much the encounter had affected him. “Well, as you know…I was at the docks, and there was this woman struggling with a heavy bag. I helped her, and we talked for a little while. But… I didn’t get her name.”

Simon snorted, shaking his head. “Wait, let me get this straight. You’re telling me you met a beautiful woman, helped her, talked to her, and didn’t even get her name? That’s… that’s classic, Andrew.”

Andrew shot him a glare, though there was no real anger behind it. “It wasn’t like that. We were having a nice conversation, but I got called away by you, actually.”

Simon raised his hands in mock surrender. “Hey, don’t blame me for your missed opportunity. But go on—what was she like?”

Andrew’s expression softened, his eyes glazing over as he thought back to their encounter. “She was… kind. And captivating. There was just something about her, you know? The way she smiled, the way she spoke… I can’t really explain it, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her.”

Simon smirked, clearly enjoying Andrew’s rare display of infatuation. “So, you’re telling me you’re smitten with a woman whose name you don’t even know? This is new. What, did she bewitch you or something?”

Andrew groaned, sinking lower in his chair. “I don’t know, Simon. It just… happened. I didn’t expect it, but there was something about her. I feel like I need to see her again.”

Simon chuckled, shaking his head. “You’ve got it bad, little brother. It’s almost tragic. But don’t worry, maybe the next time you rescue a damsel in distress, you’ll remember to ask for her name.”

Andrew shot him a look, but before he could respond, the door creaked open, and Eden stepped into the room, carrying a basket of fresh bread.

“What are you two laughing about?” she asked, setting the basket down on the table.

Simon, always eager to stir the pot, grinned mischievously. “Andrew here has a secret crush. He met a woman at the docks today but didn’t bother to get her name. He’s been daydreaming about her all evening.”

Eden raised an eyebrow, her interest piqued. “A secret crush, huh? Do tell, Andrew.”

Andrew groaned again, covering his face with his hands. “It’s not a big deal, Eden. I just helped a woman carry something heavy. That’s all.”

Simon leaned forward, his grin widening. “Oh no, it’s more than that. He’s been gushing about her like a lovesick boy. Apparently, she was ‘captivating,’ and he can’t stop thinking about her.”

Eden chuckled, amused by Simon’s teasing. “Well, I think that’s sweet. Maybe you’ll see her again.”

Andrew shrugged, trying to play it off, though his heart still raced at the thought of the mysterious woman. “Maybe.”

Eden paused, suddenly remembering something. “Speaking of seeing people again, I’ve been meaning to tell you both—I invited my new friend over for dinner tomorrow night. She’s someone I met at the market recently. I thought it would be nice for you all to meet her.”

He glanced at Andrew, then back at Eden. “A new friend, huh? Well, why don’t we make it a little family gathering? Andrew should come too.”

Eden looked surprised but nodded. “Of course, if Andrew wants to join us, he’s more than welcome.”

Andrew’s eyes widened, suddenly feeling a wave of nerves. “I don’t know… I don’t want to intrude.”

Simon waved him off. “Nonsense. You’ll come, right, Andrew? I mean, what else do you have going on? Unless you’re planning on wandering the docks, hoping to bump into your mystery woman again.”

Andrew shot Simon a glare, but the thought of a dinner with Simon, Eden, and her friend didn’t seem so bad. After all, it might take his mind off the woman he couldn’t stop thinking about.

“Alright,” Andrew said with a sigh. “I’ll come.”

Simon clapped him on the shoulder, grinning from ear to ear. “Good. It’ll be fun, trust me.”

Andrew nodded, though his stomach churned with a mix of excitement and anxiety. He had no idea what to expect, but there was a part of him that couldn’t shake the feeling that tomorrow night’s dinner would be significant.

As Eden hummed to herself, preparing more food for tomorrow’s gathering, Simon leaned in toward Andrew with a smirk. “You know, maybe this friend of Eden’s will be just as captivating as the one you met today. Who knows? You might even like her more.”

Andrew rolled his eyes, though a small smile tugged at his lips. “Very funny.”

But as he lay down to sleep that night, Andrew couldn’t stop thinking about the mysterious woman by the docks.

The sun had set by the time (Y/N) approached Eden and Simon’s home, the familiar warmth of lamplight flickering through the windows. The streets of Capernaum were quiet, save for the distant chatter of neighbors wrapping up their evening routines. As she reached the door, a flutter of excitement filled her chest. She had been looking forward to this dinner all day—getting to spend more time with her new friend Eden and meeting her husband Simon.

Taking a deep breath, (Y/N) knocked gently on the wooden door, hearing the muffled voices inside. A moment later, the door swung open, revealing Eden’s smiling face.

“(Y/N), you’re here! Come in, come in!” Eden exclaimed, stepping aside to let her in. “I’ve been so excited for you to meet Simon properly. He’s eager to finally meet the friend I’ve been telling him about.”

(Y/N) grinned as she stepped inside, the cozy atmosphere of the home immediately putting her at ease. The smell of freshly baked bread and roasted fish filled the air, and the flickering light from the oil lamps cast a soft glow over the room.

“I’m excited too. Thank you for inviting me,” (Y/N) replied, feeling the warmth of Eden’s hospitality.

But just as Eden was about to lead her further into the room, (Y/N)’s eyes caught sight of someone else standing near the table—someone all too familiar.

It was him.

The man from the docks.

Her breath caught in her throat, her mind racing as she recognized him instantly. The man who had helped her with the heavy bag of fish, the man who had been so kind, and who had left her flustered and thinking about him for days. And now, here he was, standing in Eden and Simon’s home.

Andrew, for his part, seemed equally stunned. His eyes widened in surprise as soon as he saw (Y/N), his mouth opening slightly in shock. The same spark of recognition passed between them, and for a brief moment, the world seemed to slow down. Neither of them spoke, both caught in the quiet astonishment of seeing each other again.

Simon, oblivious to the sudden tension in the room, stepped in, clapping Andrew on the back with a grin. “Well, well, well. Andrew, this must be the woman you’ve been talking about!”

(Y/N) blinked, her face flushing. Talking about me? she wondered.

Andrew shot Simon a look, his face turning an uncharacteristic shade of red. “Simon, don’t—” he started, but it was too late.

Simon, ever the tease, continued with a smirk. “So this is the unimaginatively beautiful woman you met, huh? The one you didn’t even get a name from? Didn’t you say you were practically in love with her after helping her carry some fish?” He winked dramatically in Andrew’s direction, clearly enjoying himself.

(Y/N)’s face burned with embarrassment, though she couldn’t help but feel a flutter of something else—something warmer, more exciting. She glanced at Andrew, whose eyes were now firmly on the ground, a sheepish smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“I—I didn’t say all that,” Andrew mumbled, still avoiding eye contact with both (Y/N) and Simon.

Simon laughed, completely ignoring Andrew’s protests. “Oh, you did. Don’t even try to deny it.” He turned to (Y/N), his grin wide. “You should’ve heard him. I’ve never seen my brother so tongue-tied. And you didn’t even tell him your name! It’s like a tragedy.”

Eden, sensing the rising awkwardness between (Y/N) and Andrew, stepped in with a gentle smile, placing a hand on Simon’s arm. “Alright, Simon, let them breathe. You’re embarrassing poor Andrew.”

Simon chuckled but finally relented, raising his hands in mock surrender. “Alright, alright. But come on, let’s eat. I want to hear more about how you two almost met.”

(Y/N) managed a small smile, though her heart was still racing. She turned to Andrew, her voice soft as she spoke. “So… we meet again.”

Andrew looked up at her, the tension easing from his face as a shy smile crossed his lips. “Yeah… I guess we do. I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I didn’t either,” (Y/N) admitted, her cheeks still warm. “I’m friends with Eden. She invited me.”

Andrew’s smile widened slightly, and he nodded. “She invited me too. I had no idea…”

For a moment, they stood there, both of them clearly unsure of how to proceed. There was a kind of awkwardness between them, but it wasn’t unpleasant. It was the kind of nervous energy that comes when two people are unexpectedly thrown together, both unsure but intrigued by the other.

Eden, always the gracious hostess, stepped in again. “Why don’t we sit down? Dinner’s ready, and I don’t want the food getting cold.”

With a grateful nod, (Y/N) followed her to the table, sitting down across from Andrew. Simon and Eden took their seats as well, and soon enough, the room filled with the sounds of clinking plates and the soft murmur of conversation.

Simon, however, couldn’t resist poking at Andrew one last time. As they passed the bread around, he leaned over to (Y/N) with a conspiratorial grin. “Just so you know, Andrew’s been talking about you nonstop since the docks. Didn’t stop to mention your name though, so I guess that’s on both of you.”

(Y/N) laughed, though her face flushed again. “I guess we both forgot.”

Andrew groaned, though his smile betrayed him. “Thanks, Simon. Really appreciate it.”

For the rest of the meal, the conversation flowed more easily. Eden and (Y/N) chatted about their time at the market, while Simon and Andrew shared stories about fishing and life in Capernaum. But every now and then, (Y/N) would glance up at Andrew, catching his eye across the table. Each time, he would offer her a shy smile, and she found herself smiling back.

By the end of the dinner, the initial awkwardness had faded, leaving behind a growing warmth between them—something unspoken, but undeniably present.

As the evening drew to a close, and Simon and Eden began clearing the table, Andrew stood, offering (Y/N) a small, tentative smile.

“I’m glad we got to meet properly this time,” he said quietly, his eyes soft as they met hers.

(Y/N) smiled back, her heart fluttering. “Me too.”

For a moment, they simply stood there, sharing a quiet understanding. Neither knew exactly where this new connection would lead, but both of them were eager to find out.

As she left that night, (Y/N) couldn’t help but feel that this was only the beginning.

The laughter and teasing had finally died down, the plates cleared and the fire burning low in Simon and Eden’s cozy home. (Y/N) found herself standing near the doorway, glancing outside where the stars twinkled brightly against the night sky. The evening air was cool and inviting, and for a brief moment, she wished for some time alone to process the events of the night.

Just as she was about to step outside for some fresh air, she heard Andrew’s voice behind her.

“(Y/N)?”

She turned to find him standing a few feet away, his hands nervously fiddling with the hem of his tunic. He gave her a small, shy smile, one that she was beginning to recognize as uniquely his.

“Would you… would you like to go for a walk? It’s a nice night, and I thought maybe we could talk without Simon… you know, interrupting every two seconds.” He grinned sheepishly, his face still tinged with embarrassment from Simon’s relentless teasing earlier.

(Y/N) smiled, her heart fluttering at the thought of spending more time with him. “I’d like that.”

They stepped out into the quiet streets of Capernaum, the sounds of the town fading as they made their way toward the shoreline. The soft lapping of the waves against the rocks created a peaceful backdrop, and for a while, they walked in comfortable silence, side by side.

After a few minutes, Andrew cleared his throat, breaking the stillness. “I just… I wanted to apologize for earlier,” he began, his voice soft. “I should have asked for your name the first time we met. I was… well, I was kind of flustered, to be honest.”

(Y/N) chuckled, glancing at him. “I think we were both a little flustered. You helped me out of nowhere, and before I could thank you properly, you were gone.”

Andrew smiled, looking down at the ground. “Yeah, I was a bit of a mess. I guess I’m not used to… well, meeting someone like you.”

She felt her cheeks warm at his words. “Someone like me?”

Andrew nodded, his eyes still on the path ahead. “Yeah. You’re… kind, and thoughtful. And, well, you’re beautiful.” He hesitated, as if unsure if he should continue. “I’ve been thinking about you since that day at the docks. I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again, but I hoped I would.”

(Y/N) felt her heart skip a beat. She had been thinking about him too—his gentle demeanor, his quiet strength. Now, walking beside him under the stars, she realized just how much she had been looking forward to seeing him again.

“I was hoping I’d see you again too,” she admitted quietly.

Andrew stopped walking, turning to face her. The soft glow of the moonlight illuminated his face, casting shadows over his thoughtful expression. His eyes met hers, filled with a warmth that made her heart race.

“You were?” he asked, his voice almost disbelieving.

(Y/N) nodded, a small smile playing on her lips. “Yes. There was something about you, Andrew. You were kind when you didn’t have to be. And I’ve been thinking about you too, more than I realized.”

For a moment, they stood there, the distance between them shrinking as they both allowed themselves to be vulnerable, sharing their feelings out loud for the first time.

Andrew’s smile grew, the nervous tension in his posture finally easing. “I’m glad to hear that.”

They continued walking along the shore, the conversation flowing more easily now. (Y/N) told him about her life in Capernaum, her family, and how she had come to be friends with Eden. Andrew listened intently, asking thoughtful questions and sharing his own stories in return—about his work as a fisherman, his family, and the unique challenges that came with being one of Jesus’ disciples.

The more they talked, the more (Y/N) felt herself drawn to Andrew. He was gentle and genuine, with a quiet wisdom that made her feel at ease. And Andrew, for his part, found himself captivated by her kindness and intelligence, her ability to make him feel seen in a way he hadn’t experienced before.

As they reached the end of the shoreline, the stars shimmering brightly overhead, Andrew paused, looking out over the water. The night was peaceful, and the sound of the waves filled the comfortable silence between them.

After a moment, Andrew turned to her, his voice soft. “I’ve never felt this way before, (Y/N). I don’t know what the future holds, but I’d like to get to know you better—if you’d want that too.”

(Y/N) felt a warmth spread through her chest at his words. There was something so sincere, so earnest in the way Andrew spoke. She smiled, her heart full. “I’d like that too.”

Andrew’s face lit up with relief and happiness. For a moment, neither of them said anything, simply standing there under the stars, letting the possibilities of what could be settle between them.

Finally, Andrew broke the silence, a soft laugh escaping his lips. “I guess I should properly introduce myself this time, huh? Andrew.”

(Y/N) giggled, shaking her head playfully. “Nice to meet you, Andrew. I’m (Y/N).”

He laughed too, the sound light and full of promise. “I’m glad we got that sorted out.”

As they began walking back toward the village, Andrew glanced over at her, a question in his eyes. “Would it be alright if I walked you home?”

(Y/N) smiled, feeling a warmth spread through her chest at the thought of spending a little more time with him. “I’d like that.”

They walked side by side, their hands occasionally brushing as they made their way back through the quiet streets of Capernaum. The night was peaceful, and for the first time, both of them felt a sense of certainty—a feeling that whatever was beginning between them, it was something special.

When they reached her home, Andrew stopped at the gate, his expression soft and hopeful. “I had a really nice time tonight,” he said quietly, his eyes locked on hers.

(Y/N) smiled, her heart fluttering. “So did I.”

Andrew hesitated for a moment, then, with a shy smile, he reached out and gently took her hand in his. “Goodnight, (Y/N).”

She squeezed his hand gently, her smile widening. “Goodnight, Andrew.”

As she watched him walk away, disappearing into the night, (Y/N) couldn’t help but feel that this was only the beginning of something beautiful.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Don't Go Blindly Into the Dark

Summary:

To hide that he can't read, Jan Van Eck has been forcing his son to pretend he's blind since he was eight years old. Wylan is now attending Ketterdam University, and meeting Jesper Fahey may very well be about to change his life. But is he safe to tell Jesper the truth? And what will Jesper say if he does?

Jesper is struggling to weigh up his life in the Barrel and his life at the University of Ketterdam, and there's a good chance that his growing debt is about to make the decision for him. He hasn't attended class consecutively for months, but maybe that will change when his newest project includes partnering up with Wylan Van Eck. But can he really leave the Barrel behind him? And how long can he keep up the pretence of who he thinks Wylan wants him to be?

Tags: @justalunaticfangirl @lunarthecorvus

Content warnings for this chapter: ptsd, implied child abuse references, implied violence, implied gambling addiction

If anyone else would like to be tagged let me know :)

AO3 link

Chapter 6 - Nina

It was nearing ten bells when Nina and Inej reached the University District. They both wore Ravkan clothes that Kaz had stolen from someplace or other, costumes probably though Nina hadn’t checked for a ribbon, and Nina fidgeted unhappily with her sleeve. It felt wrong; not exactly like wearing her uncomfortable, Kerch-made kefta but in some ways similar, more like she was trying to sell herself a lie than she was anyone else. She sunk her hand into her pocket and rubbed one of the purple kruge notes buried inside it between her fingers, like she had to remind herself it was still there. 

There was little to no problem getting things sorted at the office; Nina switched between speaking in Kerch to the woman behind the desk and saying a few random phrases to Inej in Ravkan whenever there were silences or it looked like there might be a issue, and at one point she kept telling Inej how wonderful she was in an increasingly anxious tone because the woman had said something about not knowing if their rooms were ready. But eventually everything was sorted and they left with an address, two sets of keys, and a map of the campus in hand, only to cross towards the Boeksplein and walk straight into Jesper Fahey. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Well it’s good to see you too, gorgeous,” he winked, “And as it so happens I am in fact a student - not a fake transfer student,”

“Keep your voice down,” hissed Inej, glancing back at the office building they’d just left.

Nina didn’t think they’d have an issue with that - the woman behind the desk had been about as bored and fed up as a person could be, Nina didn’t think she liked the night shift much - but she was more distracted processing the rest of Jesper’s sentence.

“You’re a student?”

“As I said the last time I was asked,” he smiled at Inej, “I’m supposed to be, but here we are. I thought you two weren’t getting here for a few days yet?”

He looked almost nervous, fingers moving to play with one of the mirrored buttons on his waistcoat. Nina watched him for a moment, the movement leading her to take in his ensemble and realise that he must be on his way to the Barrel. Maybe it wasn’t nerves that were sending this energy fizzling through him, then.

“Change of plans,” replied Inej.

Jesper nodded.

“Well I’m sure we can compare timetables and squeal over new stationery tomorrow,” he said, “but I’ve got to keep moving,”

Inej pursed her lips, but she kept her very obvious thoughts to herself as they bid each other goodnight and Jesper walked away.

It took a few minutes for Nina and Inej to orient themselves on the poorly designed little map they’d been given, it looked more like a tourist trail than something designed for consistent use and darkness had fallen long ago by now, but then they made their way to the dorm building they’d been assigned to. The flats were structured to house up to five people, the bedrooms arranged down a corridor that looked like it should belong to a hotel. The sixth door was a kitchen, and not a big one, and at the other end was a seventh for the bathroom. Nina didn’t know how five people coped in that kitchen without treading on each other’s toes or hitting each other over the head with a frying pan, but luckily Kaz had wrangled in advance for them to be alone in an otherwise empty cluster. Nina wondered how they ended up with empty flats - weren’t these places always oversubscribed? - but when they arrived and traipsed their way up five flights of stairs she thought maybe everyone who was supposed to be in this flat had been defeated by the staircase before they ever even moved in. She was out of breath by the time they reached the top floor.

The building was quiet - Nina had expected the sounds of student nightlife, but perhaps by this time anyone up for anything had gone out to find themselves in the Barrel instead of sitting around in tiny kitchens lit only by whatever candles they had between them. Inej unlocked the door to the cluster and then passed Nina the key to her individual room. They both stood in the doorway of the first bedroom together and Nina raised her eyebrows.

“I suppose it’s… quaint?”

“It’s bigger than my room at the Slat,” said Inej, dropping her bag onto the floor.

But she looked on edge, and Nina watched her hands drift towards her knives. She wondered if it was a way of praying, she knew Inej named her knives after her Saints, or if it was just a comfort to feel them in her hand. Maybe both. 

“You alright?”

“Yeah. It’s just…” Inej took a breath and squared her shoulders, then smiled at Nina, “Yeah, I’m good,”

Nina didn’t feel convinced.

“Okay, well I’ll be next door. Come and get me if you need me,”

Inej nodded.

“Same to you,” she said softly, “Night Nina,”

Nina grabbed her hand briefly, squeezing her fingers.

“Night Inej,”

It didn’t take Nina too long to drift asleep, though the mattress was not particularly comfortable, and the next thing she knew she was jolting awake to a sharp knock splitting the air like a knife blade. Nina jumped upwards, mumbling something so incoherent she wasn’t even sure what she’d said, as the knocking turned to frantic little taps against the door. She almost fell out of the bed as she tried to fumble to her feet in the dark, her heart skittering into a panic with a thousand questions of who on earth might be banging on her door in the middle of the night. The thin dressing gown she’d dropped onto the floor earlier was hurriedly yanked over her shoulders and pulled to cover her nightdress. It only occurred to her as she reached the door that she’d grown unused to the absence of the peepholes at the White Rose, and as much as she’d been enjoying the lack of them in the walls here thus far it might have been helpful to have one here and now, to see whomever might be about to attack her in the corridor. Though, of course, that would be using them for quite the opposite of their intent at the pleasure houses. And anyway, Nina doubted that assassins knocked first. It didn’t stop her from flexing her fingers and preparing to drop into a fighting stance as she reached for the door handle, ready to stop a heart or two if necessary. She was possibly more surprised by the sight that greeted her than she would have been an attacker.

“Inej?”

She looked unbelievably small. Her night clothes were loose enough that Nina thought they must be second hand, from some cupboard or other at the Slat perhaps, and although the button down’s droopiness aided Inej’s preference for long sleeves it also left a neckline wide enough for Inej to evidently be discomforted. She fidgeted with the collar, dark eyes staring up at Nina through her thick lashes. Her voice was barely a whisper when she ventured:

“Can I sleep on your floor?”

“Wh-? I-?” Nina didn’t actually know what the ends of those sentences were, “Come inside,”

What time was it? Nina fumbled across the desk for a match and held it by her watch without bothering to properly light a candle. Two bells. Had Inej slept at all yet? How long had she been sitting alone in her room, wide awake, weighing up whether or not she should come through?

“Do you want me to find a bonelight?”

Nina didn’t want to leave candles lit overnight, but she didn’t know how Inej felt about the dark. As if it had been waiting to be perfectly in time with this thought, the flame of her match began to close in towards her fingers. She quickly shook it out. Inej just shrugged.

“Okay, well there’s one on the desk if you want it. You can sleep on the bed, I can-”

“I don’t want to,” she whispered, her voice somehow barely in existence and yet still fraying at the edges.

Nina nodded.

“Well, I have two pillows so maybe we could lay them out-”

Inej shook her head. Nina bit her lip.

“At least let me give you a blanket,”

For a while both of them lay in silence, knowing the other was still awake, and after a long time Inej said:

“Talk to me,”

“About what?”

“Anything. About the job, last night,”

Nina half-shrugged, still lying down.

“I don’t know that there’s anything to say other than what I already told you,” she admitted, “It was just… strange,”

It had been past midnight when Nina arrived at the Geldstraat, which was almost definitely the first warning sign that this was going to be an unusual job. Walking down here felt like a different city than the Barrel did - here night was a real thing and people slept through it, here the houses dominated your sight so you could barely see anything beyond, here the air even seemed to taste different on your tongue. Nina fidgeted with the sleeve of her fake kefta. The street was completely silent but for her, illuminated by streetlamps few and far apart, their flames flickering and casting shadows that ought not to have frightened a soldier of Ravka’s Second Army across the stones. She shivered, reminding herself that Inej was somewhere with her, hidden in the shadows above her head, and she was not alone. 

She’d knocked on the door half expecting there to either be no answer or to find herself being shouted away for bothering them at this ridiculous hour, but a maid had opened it almost instantly. She looked her up and down, clearly clocking the Heartrender kefta, then hurried her inside.

“He’s waiting for you in the drawing room,” she said then, just as NIna opened her mouth to ask questions, added: “Stay quiet. Follow me,”

Nina followed her down the hall, studying the extensive panelling in the walls. Mahogany, she reckoned, with carvings of the three flying fishes of Kerch and several depictions that she thought must be stories of Ghezen. The maid knocked on the closed door of the drawing room, and after a moment had passed and someone called for them to enter she held it open for Nina. The second Nina was through the doorway it was closed loudly behind her, and she found herself alone with a tall man she guessed to be in his forties, his tie set with a ruby, his hairline making a distinct retreat from his forehead. He stood up slowly.

“Miss Zenik, I presume?”

She nodded.

“Pleasure to meet you, Mr Van Eck,”

He’d spoken to her a short while, telling her about how his son had lost his sight in an accident - he didn’t say what - when he was eight.

“I…” Nina hesitated, “I can try to do anything I can to help you and your son, Mr Van Eck, but I’m not a Healer. I don’t even know if it would be possible to restore his sight, but I definitely won’t be able to,”

“You misunderstand me, Miss Zenik,” he said coolly, “I don’t want you to Heal Wylan. I want you to Tailor him,”

Nina frowned. 

“His scars are obvious,” Van Eck told her, “He doesn’t like to have them on show, but Tailoring only lasts so long. Up until recently we had a Healer in the Grisha workshop who could tend to them whenever necessary, but unfortunately she is… no longer under my employ. If you do a good enough job, and you are interested, then perhaps this can be an ongoing agreement between us, Miss Zenik,”

Once he’d brought the boy - Wylan - into the room he left them alone, nodding at Nina. If Nina hadn’t already known from Kaz that Wylan Van Eck was a university student, she wasn’t sure she’d have been convinced he was more than fourteen - if that. But he was only a little younger than her, a similar age to Inej. 

“Hi,” she ventured, after a moment, “I’m gonna sit down in front of you - oh sorry I should’ve said, my name’s-”

“We’re not supposed to talk,” he whispered.

Nina leaned back slightly, taken by surprise.

“Okay…” she frowned, “Can you just tell me if it’s okay for me to touch your face, now?”

Wylan nodded.

“Alright. Stop me if you need to,”

Nina leaned back over him and gently pressed two fingers beneath his left eye. Her hands must have been cold; Wylan shivered and for a moment she thought he might pull away, but then he settled. She couldn’t see any sign of his scars though, except what she assumed must be the trail end of one of them - a small cut above his right cheek bone. Her lessons at the Little Palace had taught her to find the seams of the previous Tailor’s work, but Nina couldn’t feel anything at all. She had never been a particularly skilled Tailor. After a long moment, she ventured:

“Can I ask you what kind of accident it was? So I know what kind of scars I’m looking for?”

Wylan swallowed hard. He said nothing. 

Nina did find something, after a few more minutes, and she traced the scar above Wylan’s cheek until she discovered a long, thin slash through his right eye. Once she knew what she was looking for it was easier to find the two lines that crossed the left, and the slightly jagged one down the side of his nose. It took a while to properly smooth his skin to cover all of it - if she’d only recovered the edge that had become visible she would have left his skin blotchy and probably only drawn more attention to the marks - and the process seemed to thicken the slight haze over Wylan’s eyes, further blurring the edges of his irises. When all that was left for her to cover was the trace edge above his cheekbone that she’d started uncovering from in the first place, the door to the drawing room suddenly banged open and both Nina and Wylan jumped.

“Time’s up,” said Van Eck, watching them from the doorway.

“I’m not finished-”

“You’ve done splendidly,” said the merch, beckoning her to her feet.

Nina didn’t think Wylan looked very different from when she’d started, but something was tugging at her edges and telling her she definitely shouldn’t argue. So she stood up and walked slowly towards the door.

“Thank you for your time, Miss Zenik,” Van Eck shook her hand, pressing a kruge note into her palm as he did so, “My staff will show you out. And please, we would appreciate your discretion,”

“Of course, sir,” said Nina, before immediately reporting the entire bizarre experience to Inej and Kaz. 

Kaz had been concerned it was going to ruin the job, but Nina wasn’t convinced.

“He doesn’t know my name,”

“He won’t recognise your voice?”

“I don’t… I don’t think so; we barely spoke. But Kaz, it can’t be a coincidence,”

Inej shuffled a little on the floor, and Nina rolled onto her side so she could see her.

“Tell me something you haven’t told me before then,” she whispered, eyes finding Nina’s in the dark.

“Like what?”

“Tell me about Matthias,”

So she did. Quietly, with several details omitted, curling the corner of her blanket tighter and tighter around her fist. Inej eventually fell asleep curled up on the ugly carpet, knees tight to her chest, blanket draped flatly over her like a shroud. Nina lay anxiously on the bed, watching her.