#and I’m SO BAD at coding

[theshadowrealmitself]

A: I got a letter propositioning me for a fight from your “evil ex”?

B: Oh god that.

B: Yeah…all my exes are gonna….come fight you…

A:

A: …What?

B: Okay, so, there used to be this Earth comic that was pretty popular back in my day, you know, before the “frozen for centuries thing”?

B: And it was about this guy who has to defeat this girl’s 7 evil exes in order to date her, and I showed it to my last ex because I made a reference to it and wanted him to understand it

B: And it turned out, despite not being Human, and it being so outdated, that he loved it! Or, well, the concept of it anyways, about getting to state your “traumatic” breakup and then fighting your partner’s new date and being in a club with other exes

B: Anyways, he liked it so much, he broke up with me on the spot. Just so that he could officially be my ex. Then he somehow found any previous exes that I’ve dated since waking up in the future to make that club

B: They all really liked that idea and have been waiting for this day, and I think even making up backstories from what I’ve heard so take anything they say with a grain of salt, it’s like…wrestling with a ton of extra steps

B: But yeah, they’re all really looking forward to this, so….sorry.

A:

[ambriel-angstwitch]

Omg! Tim liking the schedule and Damian’s solemn nod.

I love my little autistic boys. They’re so dedicated to the job. (And they just like schedules)

[happypeachsludgeflower]

If I had a nickel for every time a danmei had a good white/light green character with an “evil” dark color/red character as their husband, I would have— a lot of damn nickels. Why does this keep happening??

[bloos-bloo]

Mmmmm Eldritch Kallamar-

I need him sometimes yk?

[stars-obsession-pit]

Hello! Can do a chapter fic off this fic prompt Danny phantom x dc: https://www.tumblr.com/corkinavoid/767516270934556672/dpxdc-legal-power?source=share

This isn’t a one-to-one recreation of that dialogue but it’s based on that as a framework/premise

Batman dropped down into the room behind a pair of figures—a teenage boy and a slumped adult—letting his landing create an audible thump to alert them of his presence.

If the teen noticed, he didn’t react. Even as Bruce approached, he continued to stare impassively at the wheezing figure on the ground, an old wooden bat with flaking green paint on its side loosely held in his right hand. Bruce had already suspected who the figure would be since he arrived, but seeing the Joker so broken was still bizarre. No laughing, no schemes. He didn’t even seem to be attempting to escape his binds, just… lying there, almost as if pinned in place.

Bruce paused a step behind the teen. “I don’t know what the Joker did to you, but this isn’t the right way to go about this.”

The teen scoffed, and Bruce felt a painful lurch in his chest as he was reminded oh so strongly of his son Jason. “And what, let him go kill more people?”

“I know he deserves to face justice, but not like this. Everyone deserves a right to fair trial. No one person should be judge, jury, and executioner.”

The teen turned to look at him with glowing green eyes, and Batman felt himself freeze. He had faced gods before, yet even using that as a comparison felt like an understatement. The boy’s eyes belonged to someone far older than his teenage form implied, and they radiated power. Inevitability.

When the teen—no, the entity—spoke again, his words carried an unearthly echo. “Perhaps, but I’m not acting for just myself.” He paused, glanced down at the Joker, then asked almost conversationally, “Do you know how many people he’s killed?”

Another pause, but before Bruce could even try to answer, the entity continued, “Eight hundred and fifty-six. He’s ended the lives of eight hundred and fifty-six human souls. I can tell you about every single one, if you want. About who they were, what their dreams were before he killed them. About the pain they felt at his hands.”

He punctuated the word ‘pain’ by raising up the wooden bat in his hands and ramming its end down onto the Joker’s arm. He let out a wheeze, muffled by the gag in his mouth.

“I have a duty to my people. I am the King of the In-Between and of all the souls that pass through it—even ones whose stays were as brief as his. I am the rightful arbiter of his fate. And with that power, I sentence him to death.”

He raised the bat again, adjusting his grip so he’d hit with the side rather than the end this time, then paused and let out a chuckle. “Of course, just because it’s based on some justice doesn’t mean I can’t have a bit of fun with it too.” He swung the bat down, slamming it into the Joker’s side, then hooked it under the clown’s torso and flicked him up through the air to slam into the wall. “We all really hate this guy.”

With the entity’s attention fully turned away from him as he sauntered towards the Joker’s slumped figure, Bruce could finally unfreeze himself.

Even if the Ghost King did have the right to pass judgement on Joker, Bruce still couldn’t let torture go on like this. He wouldn’t win a direct fight, but he could hopefully at least grab the Joker and bring him over to the police. Carefully, he reached for some of the smoke bombs and batarangs on his belt and readied his grapple. He’d have to do this very, very fast.

But before he could move, another figure entered the scene. Red Hood, emerging from the shadows on the far side of the room, an unexpected bit of a pep to his step.

“Nice to see someone else who gets that that bastard needs to die. But if I may make a suggestion, how ‘bout you use a crowbar instead of that old bat? It’d be a bit more… fitting.”

[coin-z3fs]

He’s not really happy with the comparison

.

.

[crybaby-bkg]

tw: piss, public stuff, alcohol, drunk reader

Shidou is a freak.

it’s nothing new to you, something you’d known basically since the moment you met him. but you at least thought that there would be…limits. certain things that even he didn’t care for. but you couldn’t have been more wrong.

there was a party going in one of his teammates hotel rooms, in some foreign country that you’re too drunk to remember the name of. and that’s the problem right there—you’re drunk off your ass, unusual for when you’re with Shidou. you don’t need liquor to have a good time with him, but the celebration of tonight damn near demanded it. so you drank and you drank, downing one shot after the other.

he pulls you into his lap at one point in the night, cupping your jaw as he tilts something white and strong against your pouting lips. he presses his mouth to your ear, his voice low under the other partygoers cheers and the thumping music they’ll surely get a complaint for in the morning.

“what?” Shidou purrs against your ear, licking softly at the shell of it, shameless. “you tapping out for the night on me?”

“no,” you drawl out in a whine, shifting in his lap, trying to bury your face into his warm neck. “I just gotta pee. drinking this much always makes my bladder feel fuller than it really is.”

“so go, then.” Shidou says surely, his voice steady. he sets down the glass, brings one hand to tighten around your waist, the other to start rubbing soothing circles on your lower belly. or, they would be more soothing, if he didn’t ever so slightly press the heel of his palm a little harder with every passing circle. you try to pull away from his grip, but he holds you tighter, nudging your chin up so he can kiss softly at the column of your neck.

“but you won’t let me get up, Shidou.” you hum quietly, shifting in his lap as he presses harder against your bladder. Shidou grins against your skin, pinching the flesh there between sharp canines to hear your hiss, to feel your hole clench against his lap, his hardening cock.

“I never said I was gonna let you up.” he chuckles, hips thrusting up ever so slightly, his bulge pressing right where you need him most. “just said to go ahead and relieve yourself.”

“but, there are people here? what if they see?” you whisper, despite the fact that you can barely hear yourself over the music and the other attendants of the party. Shidou shrugs, pressing more and more, his teeth feeling sharper, his tongue feelings wetter, his kisses feeling hotter against the thin flesh of your throat.

“you’re wearing all black anyway, and so am I. who’s gonna notice?”

Sae, you think to yourself, eyes flitting over to where the teal eyed man watches you with a seemingly knowing gaze. you swallow thickly and avert your eyes, shifting once more, feeling a trickle slide out of you without your control. you whimper, thighs tightening, but Shidou only rubs encouragingly against your thigh, shushing you with a too wide grin against your warm cheek as he kisses his way up.

“it’s okay, baby. go ahead and piss yourself in my lap. make a mess for me, yeah?” Shidou goads, forgoing the rubbing of your belly, insistently pressing on your bladder now, shameless. the only sound that leaves you is a pathetic whimper, your eyes squeezing shut as you can’t fight back anymore, and release yourself with a shudder.

you soak through your panties, the seat of your bottoms, all the way to Shidou’s throbbing cock. he’s not sure if the mess in his boxers is from how much he’s leaking precum, or your piss, but it makes his cock twitch, either way. he placates your whining with little kisses against your pouting lips, rubbing his thumb against your navel as you let yourself go all over him.

and when he pulls you up, you’re both dripping ever so slightly. nobody notices really, only sending you pitying looks when Shidou says he has to take you to his room because you’re not feeling so well. but you catch the way Sae looks from the spot where you two sat, and back to you, his gaze locked on your own and knowing. in your drunken haze, you almost think he smirks at you.

[redhelmetguy]

More of these things cuz I have a problem

Why did TikTok get banned for like less than a day then immediately go back up… what was up with that??

Whatever I ain’t complaining

Sigh… I love Jason so much but my god DC has no idea what to do with his character. I know I probably *should* read Outlaws but like… look what they did to my girl Kori

Get Scott Lobdell AWAY from Jason omg he does NOT understand bros character

Anyway I think DC should let me write for him I honestly think I could do a better job (is that a little egotistical? Maybe but it’s also not a hard bar to clear)

On a cooler note I just got this sick ass Red Hood leather jacket that kinda looks like the one from Arkham Knight and it’s so cool and awesome and I love it and I’m never taking it off

Ok that’s all I’ll uhh see you guys later maybe probably hopefully I’m gonna go stand up to fast and faint now byee

[kingly-court]

I’m legitimately gonna explode if I don’t find someone else who understand the background tragedy of the Gleeful Family in Gravity falls.

[toxintouch]

Love the thought of Mhin’s monster being terrifying; a true threat to your (the MC’s) safety, an insurmountable burden that has destroyed Mhin’s life and that’s why they are so desperate for a cure.

But also…

Thinking about Androcles removing the thorn from the lion’s paw…

The thought that maybe if the monster doesn’t successfully kill you the first time, it will recognize you the second.

That transformation looks like it hurts.  Before, after, during.

The idea that it will be a slow process, a dangerous one, but if you can survive, if you can calm it down–

Preening broken feathers.  A slow and methodical process, but your heart beats like you’re running for your life.  You keep retreating, feather by feather, because you’re not sure how stable this moment of calm is, how long you have before it will try to kill you again. 

You gain Mhin’s trust the same way.  Slow and methodical.  Showing your hands at all times.  No sudden movements.

Mhin knows you ran into their Monster–knows that you know.  They hate the thought of putting this much faith in another person but they hate the thought that the monster might get out and harm people even more.  You could be an ally in this too, they suppose…

They hand over a key to their safe house, show you how to use the security measures they have in place for when they transform.  They explain to you how to safely lock them inside–it can be done from either side effectively but Mhin never gives any thought to which side of the door you’d choose to be on…

You start asking Kuras for medical supplies, unable to give any information regarding why you need them.  You see someone selling hunting birds and carrier pigeons in the market so you ply them for information, paying them back by shelling out a ridiculous amount of money on whatever care products look like they might be moderately useful.

More preening broken feathers.  It seems to–they–seem to understand that you mean to help, now.  The process becomes easier.  You start carefully removing bits of broken glass you find embedded into them–you’re not sure how it got there, if the glass is something mystical or if they went on a little rampage before you were able to lead them into the safe house.  Maybe they’re just like a regular bird and they ran into something by accident.  Maybe it’s been there for years because no one’s been around (or able to) take it out.  

Does it hurt Mhin, too?

You’re even more determined with that thought, though you have to be so-very-careful because if you startle or hurt them, they become agitated.  You’re not sure if they would hurt you on purpose anymore, but they sure as hell could kill you by accident.

It burns your heart to leave some pieces in before Mhin changes back, but you know you have to.  You can’t help if you don’t stay safe. And Mhin always makes you promise to look after yourself when they can't.

Mhin transforms back and realizes that it didn’t take so much from them this time, that the usual pain is a little lesser, that they still ache but it isn’t debilitating.  They write it off at first but the thought sits at the back of their mind. Filling them with unrest. A thorn in their side that they cannot quite reach...

They go to their safe house to check how the locks are holding up and they notice some things.  A large basin for water. Your supplies.  A music box, of all things.

Needless to say, they’re horrified.  They demand to know what you’re doing.  Are you trying to get yourself killed?

“I knew you had no sense but–”

You assure them that you’re taking every precaution.

Besides, aren’t you doing the right thing?  It’s totally logical that they (–it , Mhin insists) can get thirsty, of course Mhin is feeling better when they aren’t being locked in an empty room deprived of water half the time.

The monster looks so sad, now that they aren’t trying to hurt you.  As they became more used to you, you began to see the parts where they and Mhin overlap.  Shared habits.  The way they settle down to sleep at night is the same…

Mhin hates the monster inside of them, but you don’t.

[kindest-little-fella-in-town]

often the humble kind, but he can’t deny, he was born to blow your mind…

…or something along those lines.

[specific-dreamer]

i usually make all my fics and lore time period accurate but i’m willing to break this and say that ponyboy loves goosebumps. he’s real scary though. like the house has a storm cellar that’s basement enough that ponyboy refuses to go in there and everytime tornado season rolls around darry has to drag a crying ponyboy down there bc pony swears he’s rather the tornado get him than go in the cellar

[mikalilys]

Me when there’s a character that has so many secrets, like something happens and they just don’t tell anyone. The type of character that lies all the time, the type of character who’s answers are always vague. The “you can ask but I can’t promise I won’t lie to you” type characters. The characters that lie like second nature, without even realising it. The ones who give out secrets and stories like gifts, the ones who never get mad at being lied to because they understand.

[rosylina]

my magister and her wife in their matching outfits╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

[soullessjack]

I love you horrible gut wrenching queer media I love you narrative doom and damnation I love you bleakness and bloodiness I love you tragedy as a tool of union I love horrible depressing unhappy eviscerating queerness I love that we are so full of horror and terror and bloodshed and guilt and tragedy and pain and yet we are all still so full of love and joy and bliss and happiness in ourselves and we are all still beautiful in each others eyes I love u adam and lawrence from saw 2004

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

Clone wars headcanons that I'm posting just in time for May 4th

Anakin can’t finish a movie or tv show by himself to save his fucking life like something in his brain prevents him from finishing it without someone there to talk about it 

But he’ll try over and over and over again to a point where he will have the first half of the show memorized but still not know how it ends

He needs someone to keep him there and actually pay attention and there’s very few people that actually have the time or determination to do it (Aka Ahsoka) 

Ahsoka and Anakin watching a movie or show together is very different than watching it with the group cause Obi-Wan and Rex need total silence to enjoy a show (they’ve snapped at the duo a couple of times cause they kept asking “Okay so what the kriff does that mean”)

Padme doesn’t mind the talking as much as Rex and Obi-Wan but after a while the constant talking and theorizing and rewinding gets to her as well 

Unfortunately Ahsoka and Anakin need to talk to process media so half the time they just send emotions or questions through their bond to keep everyone happy 

I once saw a post say “do you think Ahsoka remembers how Anakin’s laugh sounded” and that question knocked the wind out of my lungs and made me cry for longer than I’d like to admit  

But it also made me realize that I can’t remember what their laughs sound like cause I don’t think they do so very often which means I get to create new laughs for them 

Anakin’s laugh is a strange and awkward little thing and sometimes people comment that it sounds like it hurts him (because he’s an emo little weirdo who doesn’t like to show he laughs) 

It’s very clunky and sometimes sounds like ill-fitted gears shifting but it’s also weirdly infectious and fills a lot of people with warmth

Ahsoka’s is equally as weird and infectious it’s very animalistic kind of like a fox’s laugh (aka very high-pitched and fucking adorable) she’s very giggly around the people she’s comfortable with 

Anakin would say that Padme’s laugh sounds like a wind chime and that's true for her fake ass senator laugh that’s controlled and most of the time forced 

But her real laugh that she lets out with family is a snorty hiccupy little thing that puts a stupid smile on Anakin’s face 

Obi-Wan’s laugh is breathy sounding sometimes wheezy but otherwise quiet sometimes people will catch him off guard and they get a kinda loud “HA” out of it but that’s the loudest it’ll get 

I know we technically heard Rex’s laugh in the clone wars movie but you can’t tell me this man wouldn’t cackle 

Like fully body doubled over laughter that shakes a damn room Anakin has joked once or twice that Rex has blown out his eardrum which just makes him laugh louder 

There is one person in the whole galaxy that Anakin trusts to fix his prosthetic and that’s Ahsoka 

He didn’t even trust the arm at first which made him take it apart entirely no one asked him questions about how he got the parts to fix it they all just let him fiddle with it because they thought it was his way of coping 

He normally gets pretty twitchy and cagey when people hold his prosthetic (besides Ahsoka obvi) Padme usually gets the best reception and by best reception I mean he doesn’t snatch it out of her hands 

Obi-Wan swears to this day the first time he picked up Anakin’s prosthetic the boy almost dislocated both their shoulders trying to get it back 

The first time Ahsoka fixed his arm was also when Anakin physically couldn’t because he was in too much pain

He talked her through the repair process tho and thanked the universe that he was hyped up on pain meds because he was sure that’s the only reason he was so calm 

Even after he recovered he showed her the proper way to fix the arm and let her take it apart and put it back together a couple of times 

He would never admit it but it is kind of a relief to have someone who can fix it the same way that he does

And everyone else is grateful that it’s kind of given the young togruta something to do when her master is injured because otherwise she’d be restless 

Sometimes when Anakin and Ahsoka want to confuse Obi-Wan they’ll act like he’s their biological father and blame stuff on him and those conversations will go something like this:

“Honestly Soka it’s not your fault you have ADHD” “You’re so right Skyguy the same could be said about you being autistic we both inherited from Obi-Wan”

The first couple of times he didn’t know how to react (because how tf do you react to that) but after a while he would start telling them “You do know we’re not actually related right?”

To which the duo whips out the most overdramatic reactions that entail Ahsoka covering Anakin’s ears and him doing the same to her montrals and they usually take turns to respond with “Master there are younglings present!”

I’m fully convinced that if Tiktok existed in the Star Wars universe Ahsoka would have one and it would be 1. Strangely popular and 2. The weirdest amalgamation of stuff

You’ve got her prank videos (mostly aimed at Anakin), story times (mostly about Anakin Rex and Obi-Wan), get ready with me’s (mostly to hang out with Padme), and her favorite: forcing the boys to dance with her 

The only videos that she has of Obi-Wan dancing are the ones of them dancing at formal events (mostly cause ballroom dancing is the one kind he knows)

Anakin, Rex and the boys are her most frequent victims and my sweet baby angel’s bless their hearts are stiff as goddamn boards

They’ve got a decent rhythm down and they can all pick up routines pretty fast but Ahsoka has had to train them to let loose a little bit 

It obviously took Anakin the longest to loosen up and that process mostly took place in their shared quarters but it also made me think of a hilarious scenario that goes something like this:

Cody was woken up at 3 am by an unexpected message from Obi-Wan well to be specific it was two messages one video and a text titled “Why are they like this”

When he plays the video he sees Anakin and Ahsoka doing some silly little (obviously choreographed) dance in the kitchen as something is baking in the oven (knowing the duo probably cookies)

Cody’s laughter could be heard throughout the barracks that night

When Ahsoka finally gets her hands on that video (because she does get her hands on that video) she edits the clips of her dancing with Obi-Wan and her dancing with Anakin 

With the caption being something cute and lowkey cheezy like “How I dance with my Dad vs how I dance with my brother” which people eat up because it’s fucking adorable 

There are also a couple of videos that she couldn’t post because it’s Rex her and the boys dancing and goofing off as mission lights and alarms go off in the background