#and I will feel better once I have a clean space to work in

[sturniqlo]

bartender!matt and lovie in the bar after hours

.ᐟ.ᐟ. . . smut: making out, pussy eating, clit play, public sex (?), unprotected p in v, aftercare, use of "good girl"

tonight's shift for matt was probably one of the most confusing, frustrating, and tiring shift he's ever had. firstly, it was a tuesday and he wasn't scheduled, but he got called in to cover a shift and had to cancel his plans with lovie who was completely understanding of the situation.

secondly, his car broke down on his way to work, which made him call lovie and a tow truck. what had made his already ruined mood way better was being able to see lovie before his shift. "hi, lovie." he sighed out of relief when he got into the car. "hi, baby." she smiled, as she always does when she sees matt, and leaned over the center console to plant a sweet kiss on his lips.

"thanks for picking me up, sorry if you were in the middle of something." his hand found her jean clad thigh as she began to drive towards 'sip happens'. "don't apologize, my love. i wasn't doing anything, just hanging around with muffin."

when she pulled up in front of matt's job, he gently grabbed her jaw and kissed her for a few seconds. "i'm happy i got to see you today, even if it was only for a few minutes." matt said against her lips before pulling back. "me too, but i'll be here to pick you up. you get out at 11, right?" she asked, grabbing his hand to play with his fingers. "nah, it's okay. i can order an uber to your place so you won't have to come out so late." it was safe to say that lovie didn't take no for an answer, and now matt had a ride to lovies place.

to continue on with his draining shift, halfway through he was pulled from the calm side of the place to bartend the club side. luckily it was a weekday and the whole place closed at 10:30. a few minutes later, someone from the bar side came over to let him know that he had to close the place down for the night all alone since it wasn't as messy for a multiple person job.

when 10:40 came around, the place was closed for the night and only matt was left inside. he had already finished cleaning the club side and moved onto the bar. lovie saw the time and decided to start heading out. when she arrived at around 10:57, she sent a text to matt.

to loverboy ‹𝟹

im here!! come out whenever you're ready💗

to lovie bug 𝜗𝜚

hi my lovie bug, it's gonna take me a while to finish cleaning up in here :( come through the back door so you won't wait for me alone in the car

to loverboy ‹𝟹

no problem :) i'm on my way!!

lovie was inside the bar in no time and engulfing matt, who looked tired, in a hug. "you okay?" she asked as she scratched his scalp gently. "mm-mm, had to clean up the whole place by myself— still have to finish." he shook his head and nuzzled into her neck, pressing a few light kisses there and pressed her back into the bar counter where an empty space was.

"want you." matt whispered, and pulled back to kiss at her jaw. "we can, but when we get back to my place." lovie giggled, her fingers continued to thread through his hair. "i can't wait, i want you here— right here. it's just us in here. and," he stopped to suck lightly on her neck. "this is a blindspot, we won't show up on the cameras." that made lovie think and it made some of her fantasies of matt fucking her against the counter reappear.

"are you sure?" she felt her panties begin to dampen with her wetness. "mhm, been thinking about it for so long every time you'd come to visit me." matt expressed the fantasies lovie was also thinking of. "yeah— okay." she said breathlessly, looking up to matt's eyes as he pulled away from her neck. once she gave matt the confirmation, he immediately sank down to his knees.

"wait, you don't want me to—" matt cut her off. "no, i wanna taste you." as much as matt would love to have her pretty lips wrapped around him, he'd loved the way he got lost in the taste of her. making her feel good made him feel good. matt's fingers found the waistband of her leggings that clung to her in all the right places and pulled them down. her underwear was a plain black cotton thong that hid the patch of wetness that had already began to pool.

like always, he spread her legs and kissed her inner thighs close to where she wanted him. he then licked a stripe along her covered pussy and tongued at her clit through her underwear. "oh, matt." she moaned out, lightly yanking at his hair. he pulled back and moved her underwear to the side to reveal her shiny, puffy lips. "so pretty, like always." he said mesmerized, and wasted no time diving in.

he licked from her dripping hole all the way up to her clit where he sucked the swollen bud gently. "mhm— just like that." lovie threw her head back and rolled against his face. "this made my whole night, lovie." matt said as he pulled back for a moment to speak and look up at lovie who was flushed out, and then he went back in. his tongue swirled around her, and his lips sucked on her folds, knowing that made her crazy. "f— fuck. just like that, keep—mm— keep sucking on my pussy like that, baby."

after a few more moments of matt making a mess on his face, lovie pulled him back up and pulled his lips in for a messy kiss. her tongue darted out and she tasted herself on his tongue and quite literally moaned. "want you to fuck me against the counter, matt. please, i want it so bad. you always fuck me so good." she said against his lips before sucking on his tongue. matt grabbed her hips and turned her around. "yeah? want me to fuck you against here, lovie?" he moved her hair out of the way and bit her neck.

lovie nodded and reached for his hands to bring them up to squeeze her tits over her baby pink tank. matt understood and squeezed them in his hands. "are you gonna be a good girl for me?" he whispered against her ear. "yes, i'm always your good girl. aren't i?" matt brought his right hand down to his belt and began unbuckling it. "oh yeah, you're always such a good girl for me. always, always, always."

his cock was now out and leaking at the tip. "are you ready for my dick, lovie?" matt said as lovie bent more over the counter. "mhm, i want it." she whined as matt ran his tip along her slit. slowly, he pushed into her hole and groaned out at how tight and warm she was. "you feel so good." she clenched around him. "fuck, don't do that. gonna make me cum so fast." he slowly started to thrust his hips. "feels so good, matt. go faster."

matt's hands tightened around her hips and he began to pick up the speed and soon enough, the place was filled with the sounds of their skin slapping together and their moans. "look at you, lovie girl. taking my cock so fucking good. you love me fucking you against here, don't you?" he pulled her so that her back was against his chest. "yes, i love it." she turned her head back so that he found her lips.

the kiss turned out to be them moaning into each others mouth as the pleasure they were feeling too good to focus on kissing. "right there!" she whined as matt fucked right against that spot that made her legs tremble and her head to fall back against his shoulder. "feels good, yeah?" his hand came around to rub her clit that was being left out. "oh my— god!" she jolted at the surprise sensation.

he continued to fuck in and out of her while still rubbed her clit and occasionally rolling it against his fingers. her walls began to flutter around him and she began to go quiet. she was close. "you're getting close, lovie girl. i can feel it." she nodded at his words and whispered. "don't— don't stop."

matt felt himself come close too. "want you to cum for me, lovie. be a good girl and cum all over my cock." his fingers and cock didn't stop. lovie let out a cry arched her back into matt's chest as she came. her legs almost gave out, but matt held her up. "good girl, lovie." he praised her, kissing her damp neck. matt pulled his fingers away once her clit became sensitive, but continued to fuck her.

"cum for me, matt. cum inside of me." she told him, pulled away from his embrace to bend over the counter and fuck herself back into him. "oh my— fuck, lovie." he looked down and saw her ass jiggle as she fucked herself for him to cum. "shit, shit, shit! m' gonna cum." his jaw slacked and his grip on her hips tightened as his cum spilled into her. lovie slowly backed into him as she felt his warm cum paint her walls.

she whined when she came to a slow stop and matt's grip loosened. matt stayed buried in her for a moment before he pulled out and his cum spilled out of her and began to drip on the floor, but mostly her thighs. "stay here, baby." he pressed a small kiss on her back. matt pulled his pants back up and went to the back room to get a clean towel to wipe her up.

"i'm gonna clean you up, lovie. okay?" he told her once he came back with a clean towel and she now with her back against the counter. "okay." she smiled. once he cleaned her up, he made sure to throw the towel away. "we have to disinfect this now." she giggled, matt chuckled as he put her leggings on her. "i know." he told her, wrapping his arms around her waist and gently kissing her neck. "just a few more minutes."

brb... i need to sort some things out 🙈 also, two posts in one day?! who am i???!

[freakish-hazzard]

hello reddit,, i have a question why are oranges orange,,,!! (said in a desperate, confused, distraught, anxious, but hopeful tone)

[lookwhatyoumademelou]

.

[syluspeach]

Using your safeword with Sylus…+18(mdni)

Maybe it was the moment some of your drink fell on your freshly washed shirt or when the strap of your bag got caught on the door handle that set you off. There were so many instances this past week that could be the cause of your overstimulation.

You tried your best to keep your emotions from spilling out like water in an overfilled glass. You didn’t want to burden those around you, especially Sylus. He was an exceptionally busy man, going from meeting to meeting. You hated how much you relied on him.

Unfortunately, Sylus noticed how caught up in your own head you were. There were many times he caught you staring off into space. The curses that you whispered under your breath when something didn’t go the way you wanted it to didn’t fall on deaf ears. You need a distraction. A full reset if you will.

He thought he would be doing you a favor and used sex to get your mind to shut off. It worked the first two times he made you cum, the open expanse of being eaten out on the kitchen counter allowing you space to breathe.

It wasn’t until you were carried off to the bedroom, that frustration began to overtake you.

Your hair was caught under the sweaty skin of your neck, tugging at the roots with each thrust. The grip Sylus had on your hips was suddenly too rough. You wanted to remove his hands from your body, you didn’t deserve this. Sylus shouldn’t have to put a stop to his day to help you deal with yours.

“Sy…” You spoke into his ear, the breathlessness of it mistaken for pleasure rather than confusion.

You felt suffocated. Eyes started to water, vision blurring.

“Please, I can't-”

You'd usually find that the weight of his body against yours acted like a shield. It was hard not to when he spent every waking moment taking care of you, but now, you felt it was smothering you.

You couldn't breathe. The lack of air causes a ringing in your ears.

With his head buried against your neck, you could feel his breath brush along your skin. Things that were normally thrilling, were suddenly unbearable.

“Doing so fuckin’ good for me, kitten.”

Even the customary stretch of your cunt taking his cock, that drove the both of you wild, was unbearable. He was suddenly too big. Too deep inside of you. It was too much for once.

The second your safeword spilled past your lips, you felt shame fill every fiber of your being. Your tears unconsciously spilled as you turned away from him, eyes suddenly interested in the red drape. You wanted to hide under the covers and tuck yourself into a little ball, but the figure in-between your legs prevents you from doing so.

Sylus stilled instantly, pulling away from your neck to give you a once-over.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong? Did I hurt-”

A weak cry came from your trembling, bitten lips.

As imposing as he may appear with everyone else, Sylus was a gentle giant when it came to you. He would always take the blame. He’d never assume you were the problem.

“No more, please. Don’t…don’t deserve you.”

As gently as he could, he pulled out from you before quickly making his way to the adjacent bathroom and returning with a damp towel.

He made sure to wipe your tears first, proceeding to clean the sticky residue between your legs. When he stepped away for a second time, you took the opportunity to curl into yourself. You hated how your emotions always got the better of you. If only you could be as carefree as everyone else.

Lost in the multiple thoughts running through your mind, you failed to notice the shuffling behind you. It wasn’t until you were wrapped in a soft blanket and settled into Sylus’ lap that you came to, watery eyes looking up at the white-haired male.

“I’m sorry.” You muttered, fingers curling around the edge of the blanket. “I don’t know-I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.”

“You know I don’t like it when you talk down to yourself.” Sylus’ grip tightened around you, preventing you from pulling away from him. “Nuh-uh, you’re not running away, kitten. Not until we talk about what’s going on in that adorable, little head of yours.”

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just being overly sensitive.” As you sniffled, a tissue was brought up to your nose, Sylus gesturing for you to blow your nose. You did so before continuing. “It’s silly. Just feel like this past week, nothing’s going my way.”

“What do you mean?”

Unbeknownst to you, Sylus would slowly unravel you, getting you to talk about what’s been pestering your mind.

“The other day when I went to the grocery store, one of the bags ripped. Do you have any idea how many blueberries I keep finding in the back seat? And on Tuesday, the day after I got my car washed, a bird went ahead and did their business on the hood. Then my bag kept getting caught on literally every door handle I’d come across. My shirt was also too tight. My socks too scratchy. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. And-and then…”

Sylus let you go off on a tangent, his fingers tangling themselves in your hair, offering “ahas” and “hums” every so often.

“Sweetie, if I may, you realize that most of these things were out of your control, right?”

You stayed quiet, focusing on scratching the stitched hem of the blanket.

“Now, I may not be able to control the things that happen to you, but what I can do is reassure you that it’s completely normal to become overwhelmed when things aren’t going your way. I believe that’s something that comes with being human.”

A smile formed on his handsome face when you looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed and lips in a pretty pout.

“Sometimes I hate how patient and understanding you can be.”

He laughed rolling over until he was lying on his back and you on top of him.

“That’s what I’m here for. Whenever you get lost in your thoughts, I’ll find you.”

I wanted to try my hand at this trope but with a different take. Instead of Sylus being too rough or what not, I wanted reader to be so caught up in her mind that she ends up having to use the safeword. Not totally happy with it but enjoy nonetheless.

[drdemonprince]

any advice for coping with being on the receiving end of a public callout ?

Oh yes:

Do not acknowledge the callout publicly. It will only further its spread, lend it legitimacy, cause you to be interpreted as guilty, and convey to anyone who bears you ill will that you are rattled and feeling socially threatened.

Do not act out of urgency. One of the ways that cancelled people get themselves in far worse trouble is by spiraling due to anxiety and rushing to issue a statement about what has happened, or to attempt to socially manage public impressions about what has happened. Do not do this. Anything that you say will be picked apart and used against you. The situation is truly not as urgent as it might feel. A lot of times, doing nothing and being quiet is the best way to proceed, and the dust will settle better if you do.

Do not issue a public apology. If you truly feel that you have wronged someone, that conflict should be worked out in private with the people you have directly affected. You do not owe the anonymous public audience a damn thing. Do not apologize for something you don't honestly believe that you have done wrong. Take time and really think about what happened, and seek the counsel of people whom you trust in PRIVATE.

Do not attempt to disprove the callout unless you have crystal clear, smoking gun evidence that the person who accused you is actually victimizing you. And even then, probably don't do it. I have only seen a disproof of a callout work ONCE, and that was when Juniper Abernathy revealed the person cancelling her had been abusing her. Even if the facts are on your side, acknowledging the accusations will only make more people aware of them, give your detractors ground to criticize your every word, and will muddy the waters and make people find the situation confusing and troubling rather than clear.

GET THE FUCK OFFLINE. Delete your social media apps for the time being. Turn off notifications. Turn off DMs requests. Change your settings so that you only ever hear from people you already follow (I do this, on the advice of Philosophy Tube). Get away from the computer.

Connect with IRL friends. When you're wrapped up in a cancellation, the negative opinions of a handful of foaming at the mouth freaks loom way larger than they actually are. And social media dramatically skews our sense of social priorities such that the approval rating of complete strangers starts to seem more important than people we actually know, and trust, and who actually know us. Go get a meal with a buddy. Watch a dumb movie. Talk to your grandma about her plans for her garden. Surround yourself with real people you care about and focus on their life and problems, to help put things in perspective.

Find distracting, active, rewarding activities that bring you out of the digital space and into physical reality. Not everyone is talking about you, not everybody hates you, most people have no fucking clue what has been said about you, and most people do not give a fuck about you (that's good). There are so many areas of life that are completely fucking untouched by what a bunch of social media power users have to say online. Go volunteer to clean up a park, run some errands, take an exercise class, foster a dog, regrout your bathroom, knit a hat. Even if the worst case scenario happens and a cancellation sticks, it's really only among a certain very vocal group of miserable fucking people. There is a whole world around you that will not ever care, and you will have a life outside of this.

Good luck!!

[helaintoloki]

Hello and good evening,

I saw you opened requests so I'm dropping by!

What about an infinity stone mishap that has multiple Bucky variants be at the compound at the same time. (Let's just have Winter Soldier be not entirely murderous for the sake of Tony's heart) and literally no one can seem to keep some apart except Steve and reader, who goes off on a rant about all the teeny tiny, to her very obvious details that differ between the Bucky's and accidentally in doing so admits she has a huge crush on him/them??

I hope that made sense omg

And as always, only if it speaks to you and you're up for it! ♡♡

a/n: hi hon, ty for sending this in! i’ll admit this was a bit challenging to tackle but still fun! hope you don’t mind that i changed a few details in the process <3

warnings: light angst, lots of pining, fluff

summary: a multiversal mishap leaves the compound teeming with Bucky variants, and Steve entrusts you with helping him figure out which one is the real deal

“I think I had a nightmare like this once,” Sam shudders as the two of you survey the plethora of Bucky’s taking up space in the compound. A multiversal mishap had led to an overflow of variants into the compound, and now your team found themselves working vigorously to determine which Bucky was your own and which ones needed to be sent back to their proper dimension.

Getting rid of the Winter Soldiers had been the easiest, the red stars on their arms giving away their identities and also giving Tony a heart attack in the process. You could tell apart the Bucky’s with hair that was too long or too short, the one’s that had brown or green eyes instead of blue, and the ones that went by Jane instead of James. The real work, however, came when there was only a handful of variants left that looked identical to your own Bucky.

“We can’t take any chances,” Steve says after having approached you and Sam. “All of these men are going to insist they’re our version of Bucky, and we can’t risk sending back the wrong one. I’m really going to need your help on this, y/n.”

“Why me?” You retort with furrowed brows, nervously peeking your head out of the office to observe the variants that sit restless in the common room.

“Out of everyone here, you and I know Bucky best,” the blond states truthfully. “I think if we work together we have a better shot at cleaning up this whole mess. The sooner the better.”

“You got that right,” Sam scoffs, prompting you to roll your eyes in response.

You couldn’t exactly deny the truth in Steve’s words. Other than Captain America himself, Bucky considered you to be one of his closest friends. Your kindhearted nature made it easy for him to gravitate towards you when first joining the team, and after saving each other’s asses on multiple occasions, he knew you were someone he could entrust with his life. You tore down his walls with ease, you brought out the best in him, and he’d forever be indebted to you for your friendship.

You decide with Steve that the best course of action is to spend one-on-one time with each Bucky you cross paths with to detect any abnormalities in their behavior. The Captain makes it abundantly clear that you cannot let them cloud your judgement with pleasantries, and it’s pertinent you trust your gut with each decision you make. The pressure is on, and you feel the nerves settling in your gut as you approach the Bucky that has made himself at home in the communal kitchen.

“Hey, stranger,” you call gently, a pleasant smile on your face as you seat yourself at the island counter. You note with interest how the man visibly relaxes at your presence and sets aside the pot of tea he’d just finished brewing. His eyes are bright like your Bucky’s, full of adoration and relief when he sets them upon your face.

“Y/n,” he breathes out gently before coming to meet you at the counter, “you have no idea how glad I am to see you, doll.”

“Rough day?” You prompt understandingly.

“Where do I even begin? Being around so many versions of myself is more unsettling than I ever could have imagined.”

“Well, Steve and I are doing our best to fix that,” you assure him. You watch as the man turns back to his pot of tea and begins to pour you both a cup. There’s nothing unusual about this considering your Bucky also enjoys drinking tea; it helps him keep calm and relaxed before retiring for the night.

“How many are left?” He asks before handing you your mug.

“Around ten. Steve and I are making our rounds to figure out which Bucky is ours.”

“Am I your Bucky?” The man prompts with a raised brow while taking a careful drink from his cup.

“You tell me,” you reply with a faint smile, ignoring the way your heart begins to flutter when he refers to himself as ‘your Bucky.’

“I know you have a scar on your stomach from being stabbed by another Widow in the Red Room, and the reason I know that is because I accidentally walked in on you changing in the shower room once,” Bucky admits with a sheepish laugh, prompting your face to heat with embarrassment.

“God, don’t remind me,” you groan while hiding your face in your hands. It’s not exactly comforting to know that Bucky has accidentally seen you naked in at least two different universes, but it also doesn’t make it easier to determine if this man is an imposter.

“I know you like your tea with a tablespoon of honey,” he continues before gesturing to your cup. You hum thoughtfully and set the mug down before meeting his gaze.

“I do, and I know you only like chamomile tea,” you reply, prompting Bucky to stiffen in front of you as you look down at the mug in front of you. “But this is green tea.”

Sighing, the doppelgänger sets his cup down with a defeated frown before meeting your gaze with pleading eyes. “Don’t make me go back.”

“I’m sorry, but it has to be done. We can’t risk the effects that come with having two Bucky’s in one place.”

“Then can I ask you a favor?” The man says solemnly.

“Of course.”

“Before you send me back, can I… is it okay if I hug you?” He asks, catching you by surprise. Noting the confusion on your face, Bucky gives you a dejected smile that doesn’t reach his eyes before explaining, “We don’t talk anymore in my universe. I was an idiot, and you rightfully cut me out of your life. This is the first time in years you’ve looked at me with love and not utter disgust, and I just want to enjoy it a little longer before I have to leave.”

Your heart aches for this poor Bucky who very clearly misses you, or at least his version of you, so you can’t find it in yourself to deny his request. You wordlessly rise from your seat and allow him to wrap his arms around your frame. His hold is tight, his nose brushing against your neck as he savors the feel of your touch, and you feel terrible for the fact that there isn’t anything you can do to help him.

“I’m not sure what happened between the two of you,” you utter quietly while rubbing comforting circles into his back, “but if she’s anything like me, I know she probably misses you but is too stubborn to admit it. Don’t give up on her.”

You release him with a smile and find his eyes shining with tears as he lets your words settle. You bid him a final goodbye before escorting him to Tony and Bruce so that he can be properly transferred back to his own time. That’s only one Bucky down with several more to go, and you know now that you really have your work cut out for you. This is going to be much more difficult than you anticipated.

You stumble upon the next Bucky quietly ruminating in your room, and it takes him a moment to detect your presence as you lean against the doorway and simply observe his mannerisms. You can already tell this isn’t your Bucky by the way he anxiously taps his fingers against his knees; your Bucky’s tell is the anxious bouncing of his leg. This Bucky also wears his hair pulled back into a ponytail, whereas your Bucky prefers to tie his hair back into in a half-up style.

His eyes widen in shock when he finally notices you standing there, and you’re taken aback by the way he nearly flings himself at you. His strong arms wrap around your midsection and lift you off the ground, holding you impossibly tight against him as if you’ll disappear otherwise.

“жена,” he whispers in a trembling voice while combing a hand through your hair.

“I don’t speak Russian…” you voice with an uncomfortable laugh, struggling to take a breath due to how tightly you’re pressed against him. “Buck, you’re kind of suffocating me here.”

The man finally releases you after your admission, but his hands immediately find their way to your cheeks as he cups your face and rests his forehead against your own. You’re startled by the closeness, but there’s no denying the rapid beating of your heart when you stare into his troubled eyes. You’ve had daydreams like this before, but it’s jarring to experience it in person.

“When I arrived here and came across your room I thought it was too good to be true,” he utters shakily, “but you’re here. You’re alive.”

“Bucky, I-“

“You’ve come back to me, жена.”

“жена?” You repeat unsurely. His panicked features melt into a fond smile at the sound of your botched Russian, and he carefully pushes back your hair before gifting you a nod of confirmation.

“Wife.”

Your eyes widen at his proclamation, your heart dropping to your chest while you process the weight of his words and struggle with the turmoil inside of you. You thought dealing with the Bucky from the kitchen was difficult, but this is way out of your playing field.

“Oh god,” you breathe out before carefully removing his hands from your face. He frowns.

“What’s wrong?”

“I know this is all really confusing, but I’m not…” you start to say, grappling with your guilt at having to crush the man’s hopes of being reunited with his version of you, “I’m not your wife.”

The man’s features become sullen at your confession, brows furrowing in disappointment and confusion. “What do you mean? You aren’t y/n?”

“I am, but I’m just not the same y/n you know. This is a different dimension, and you were sent here by accident.”

“So you’re not… she’s not really alive, then,” he murmurs dejectedly, eyes casting towards the floor in despair.

“No, and I’m so sorry I’m not the one you’re looking for,” you console, resting a comforting hand on his bicep. Bucky’s eyes flutter shut at the feel of your touch, something he’d been lacking since your death. You aren’t his wife, but in spite of that, he is grateful to be able to speak to you and see your face once more. “Can I ask what happened to her?”

“Hydra wanted revenge for my desertion and for aiding Captain America in their destruction,” Bucky utters lowly, eyes hardening at the memory. “An eye for an eye. She paid the price for my mistakes, and I’ve spent every waking moment avenging her death.”

A chill runs through your spine as you hear the recounting of your counterpart’s death, but you do your best to remain composed while in the presence of this alternate version Bucky. Your heart aches for the man, and you once again find yourself completely useless at trying to help him.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” you express solemnly. Despite this, Bucky looks to you with a tender smile before carefully taking your hand in his own.

“Don’t be. I know you’re not her, but seeing you again, hearing your voice- It’s the most precious gift I could ask for. Thank you for giving me some semblance of peace.”

You’re a wreck when this Bucky is returned to his own timeline, and after multiple instances of running into Bucky’s who believe you’re their y/n Steve assures you that he’ll take over moving forward. It seems that each Bucky you speak to cares so fondly for you, they adore you even, and yet in this universe you’ve been designated as a close friend and nothing more. It’s killing you to see all the ‘what if’s,’ because deep inside you know that you’ll never be with your Bucky the way you want to.

You’re not sure when your crush on the super soldier had first developed, but you know that you’ve harbored these romantic feelings for him for quite a while now. You’ve never told anyone, though you can guess Steve was smart enough to figure it out on his own, and you have no urge to act on such feelings in fear of how complicated things will become if he doesn’t reciprocate your emotions.

Your rumination leaves you in deep thought as you sit out on the balcony and enjoy some quiet after all the chaos you’ve endured. You hear the sliding door open and shut behind you, but you make no attempt to see who it is until they seat themselves beside you. You peek at Bucky from the corner of your eyes before returning your gaze to the New York skyline, simply enjoying his presence without making an effort to speak.

“You doing okay?” He asks, effectively breaking the silence between you.

“I didn’t think being around multiple versions of you would be so exhausting,” you confess with a humorless laugh, but it prompts his lips to quirk up slightly into a smile.

“You’re starting to sound like Sam,” he teases with a careful nudge to your side. While you’d normally laugh at his jokes, Bucky doesn’t even get a smile out of you. You feel him shift closer to you and hope he can’t detect the way your heart picks up a beat in response. He nudges you again softer this time and asks, “Talk to me. What’s eating you?”

“Every Bucky variant I met today looked at me like I moved heaven and earth together, like I was their reason for getting up in the morning, and I guess it just reminded me of the fact that my own Bucky doesn’t really look at me that way.”

You pull your knees up to your chest and let your chin fall on top of them with a melancholic sigh. A part of you feels embarrassed to be voicing your disappointment aloud, but you figure there’s no harm in telling a variant since you’ll never have to see them again after today.

“Do you want him to look at you that way?”

“Of course I do,” you avow incredulously like the answer isn’t already obvious. “I love him so much that Steve trusted my judgement enough to have me help him sniff out the doppelgängers. I know how he likes his tea, how he does his hair, what his favorite movie is- the list could go on forever. But of course, I live in the one universe where Bucky and I don’t end up together.”

You feel his hand come to rest on the small of your back and shudder at the feel of his cool metal hand seeping through your sweater. You can’t help but to lean against him so that your head is rested on his shoulder, and you’re able to find some comfort in his presence. You hear him let out a thoughtful hum beside you.

“You want to know something?” Bucky pronounces. He feels your head nod against him and smiles. “I know the exact moment I fell in love with you.”

The confession has you lifting your head to peer up at him questioningly. “You do?”

“Of course I do. We were on a mission, and you picked up Steve’s shield to stop a bullet from hitting me straight on before using it to knock out three bad guys in a row. You looked so strong, so beautiful. My heart was yours from then on.”

“I didn’t think you remembered that,” you confess quietly, stomach fluttering with nervous butterflies.

“Haven’t stopped thinking about it since,” he asserts with a fond smile. “Any Bucky would be lucky to have you, and I’m sorry yours has been too chicken to make a move.”

“I guess it’s not totally his fault,” you relent with a meager shrug. “I’m chicken, too.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Bucky suggests, tone light and inviting. “I know I’m not the most obvious about it, but I love you too.”

You open your mouth to answer only to be interrupted by the sound of the sliding door again. You turn to see Steve standing there, surprise on his features when he sees you two sitting on the balcony together.

“Y/n, I’ve been looking for you,” he says suddenly. “I wanted to talk to you about the variants-“

“Don’t worry,” you interrupt him with a passive wave of your hand before gesturing towards Bucky with your head. “I found another one for you. This Bucky just told me he loves me which means he’s definitely not ours.”

“Actually,” Steve says with an amused grin, “I was just coming to tell you we sent the last of them back to their own dimensions.”

“What?” You gape in shock, heart immediately dropping to your stomach as you slowly shift your gaze towards the Bucky sitting next to you. He flashes you a bashful smile and a small wave that fills you with embarrassment.

“I’ll give you two a moment,” the blond says with a knowing smile before making his exit, leaving you alone once more with the man you’d just poured your entire heart out to.

“I thought you knew,” Bucky offers apologetically. You take a nervous swallow before forcing yourself to meet his gaze again.

“So you’re saying that you do love me?” You ask hesitantly, almost afraid that this is all some sort of joke.

“I may not be as romantic or straightforward as the other Bucky’s you met, but I love you just as much as they do if not more,” he professes earnestly, gently resting a hand on your cheek to pull you closer. “I think we make a great team, but we’d make an even better couple.”

“I think so too,” you utter with a giddy smile, waiting with bated breath as Bucky slowly begins to lean in. The anticipation is killing you, but you’re finally rewarded for your patience when his lips meet your own in a tender kiss. Your lashes flutter shut as you melt into his touch, reveling in the moment you’ve dreamed of since discovering your feelings for Bucky.

No matter the timeline and no matter the universe, Bucky is destined to fall in love with his y/n. And you wouldn’t want it any other way.

[glowettee]

✧・゜: self-discipline doesn't mean hating yourself into action :・゜✧:・゜✧

hey lovelies! ✧

i've been thinking about this a lot lately… how did we all collectively decide that being mean to ourselves was somehow the path to getting things done? like, who started this toxic rumor that self-discipline means internal screaming and punishment? because honestly? i spent years believing that the only way to accomplish anything was through this weird self-bullying technique and it was literally the least effective approach ever.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ the wake-up call ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

last semester i hit a wall with my essay project. i had been doing that thing where you stare at your laptop, call yourself lazy in your head, promise to work for 8 straight hours to "make up for it," then get overwhelmed and watch netflix instead. but one night at like 2am (why do all realizations happen at 2am??) i wondered what would happen if i just… stopped being mean to myself about it?

what if self-discipline was actually about being the most understanding friend to yourself instead of the worst drill sergeant?

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ what actually works ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

start ridiculously small, i'm talking embarrassingly tiny steps. want to write that paper? commit to just opening the document and typing a single sentence. need to clean your space? just put away three things. the magic is that once you start, continuing feels so much easier.

create environments that make things easier, not harder. i rearranged my desk so everything i need is within reach and visible. stopped trying to work in my bed (even though it's so comfy) because my brain associates it with sleep and tiktok scrolling.

acknowledge the resistance instead of fighting it. when i feel that "i don't wanna" feeling, i literally say to myself "i hear you, and it makes sense you feel that way. what's one tiny piece we could do?" talking to myself like i'm my own bestie changed everything.

use curiosity instead of judgment. instead of "why am i so lazy?" (which never helps), try "i wonder what's making this hard for me right now?" sometimes the answer surprises you. maybe you're actually just hungry or need better lighting.

build in rest BEFORE you crash. i started scheduling actual breaks before i felt desperate for them, and somehow i get more done? it's like my brain knows it's not going to be held hostage forever.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ the permission slip approach ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

my favorite technique lately has been what i call "permission slip productivity" where i literally write myself little notes giving permission to:

work imperfectly (first drafts can be messy!)

take breaks without guilt

change my approach if something isn't working

celebrate small progress instead of only the end result

acknowledge when something is genuinely difficult

there's something so powerful about physically writing yourself permission. it sounds silly but it works because it interrupts that mean inner voice that's been programmed into us.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ the results speak for themselves ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

the wildest part? i actually get MORE done now that i've stopped the self-hate productivity method. turns out your brain works better when it's not being constantly criticized? who knew!

my essay (very big essay) got finished early. my room stays cleaner. i actually enjoy my study sessions now instead of dreading them. and most importantly, i don't feel that heavy cloud of shame following me around everywhere.

self-discipline isn't forcing yourself through misery, it's creating systems that work WITH your natural tendencies, not against them. it's about making things easier, not harder. it's about treating yourself like someone you actually care about.

and maybe the real glow-up isn't just checking things off your to-do list, but doing it without sacrificing your relationship with yourself in the process.

what about you? have you been trying to hate yourself into productivity? might be time for a gentler approach. you deserve that kindness from yourself. (and honestly? it just works better.)

xoxo, mindy 🤍

[abbotjack]

Just Passing Through

summary : The house they once called theirs is still standing, but nothing inside it feels the same. Over quiet breakfasts, broken appliances, too-tight sheets, and middle-of-the-night confessions, they navigate the fragile space between intimacy and absence. What unfolds is not a reunion, but a reckoning—of what’s changed, what hasn’t, and whether love is something that survives return.

word count : 9,851

content/warnings : 18+ MDNI!!, grief, war trauma, PTSD, military deployment, emotional repression, complex romantic dynamics, slow unraveling of a relationship, implied mental health struggles, caretaking and emotional labor, quiet heartbreak, vivid early-2000s domestic detail, hurt/comfort, heavy angst, no smut, no tidy resolution, graphic description of battlefield injuries, implied death of a child, moral injury, survivor’s guilt, emotionally intense dialogue, depiction of male vulnerability, trauma recollection in a domestic setting.

Robinson Township, PA. Summer 2005 : The house already has his things in it. The question is whether it still has him.

The dishwasher finishes its cycle at 11:47 pm.

You stand in the middle of the kitchen barefoot, staring at the condensation on the cabinets—rich cherrywood, sealed to shine even when there’s nothing left to polish. You didn’t need to run the dishwasher tonight. There were only two glasses in the sink. You just needed the sound.

You reach for a towel and open the dishwasher, the steam curling into your face like breath. You dry the glasses. Slowly. Ritualistically. As if there's nothing else to do with your hands.

The house isn’t new. It never was. But it’s yours. Yours and his. The ours that only happens when two people commit to staying in the same place long enough to leave marks.

There’s a burn on the countertop from your first try at pork chops. A dent in the hallway from the time he kicked the wall at 2 a.m. and told you he couldn’t remember why. Three wine bottles above the fridge. Two of them are empty. One is unopened and dusty. You’d been saving it. You forget what for. The mirror by the front door is tilted. The throw blanket on the couch is too heavy for summer. The air conditioner makes that sound again—the one he said he’d fix when he got back.

That was four months ago.

You sleep in his t-shirts now. You tell yourself it’s because they’re soft. Not because they still smell like him, faintly—like desert wind, bar soap and the inside of his truck.

Your Motorola sits on the kitchen counter, charging. You watch the red backlight flicker off and on—old cord, half-broken port. It buzzes once.

Text message.

You don’t need to check who it’s from.

u still cleanin?

You don't answer.

Because yes, you’re still cleaning. And because you know what the next text will say.

Two minutes later:

better not b bleachin again u tryin to dissolve the whole damn house?

You flip the phone open and close it again without typing anything. T9 is too slow for what you're feeling. It was always too slow.

You press the phone to your ear, and call her. She picks up immediately. Doesn’t say hello.

“So what’s your plan?” Dana’s voice is rough from smoke, too many double shifts, and the hour. “Feed him? Fuck him? Pretend everything’s normal?”

You lean your head back against the cherry cabinet, eyes on the ceiling fan spinning slow. "I don’t have a plan."

"Bullshit," she exhales. You hear the click of a lighter in the background. "You’ve been bleaching countertops like you’re prepping for a damn magazine shoot."

“I didn’t bleach anything,” you say. “Just wiped it. Twice.”

“Mhm.”

The house smells like Warm Vanilla Sugar from Bath & Body Works and chemical lemon. You don’t smell it anymore. It just smells like trying too hard.

“He called yesterday,” you say, fingers playing with the fraying towel edge. “Said it was hot. Said the AC on the base broke again.”

“What else?”

“He asked if the door still creaks when you open it too slow.”

Dana pauses. You can picture her now—sitting on the steps behind PTMC, cigarette tucked between two fingers, leaning her head against the brick.

“What’d you tell him?”

“I said yeah. He said, ‘Good.’”

You hear her inhale.

“That’s how they know it’s real. Men like him, they come back looking for the things that didn’t change. That noise? That’s proof.”

“I fixed the porch light too,” you murmur. “But I didn’t tell him.”

“Good. Let him see something’s different. Let him wonder what else might be.”

You look at the boots by the front door. You moved them there earlier. The left one is scuffed—he caught it on the stairwell last winter when you argued about the electric bill. You didn’t have the money. He didn’t have the patience.

“I put out his mug.”

“The ugly one?”

“The World’s Okayest Cook.”

Dana groans. “Christ. That man loves a tacky cup.”

You smile. Just for a second. Then it fades.

“I don’t know what to say to him when he walks in.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” she replies. “Just be standing where he left you.”

“What if I’m different?”

“You are.”

You hold the phone tighter.

“What if he is?”

There’s a long silence.

“Then you meet him where he is,” Dana says finally. “You stop trying to rewind, and you let yourself watch the part that comes next.”

The light above the sink buzzes softly.

“I made his side of the bed,” you whisper. “Put his shirt on the pillow. Like muscle memory.”

“Don’t romanticize absence, kid. You’re not living in a Nicholas Sparks novel.”

You laugh—barely. “It feels like I am.”

"Only difference is your man’s got better arms and worse manners."

You stare at the candle. It’s almost out. The wax has swallowed the wick. The flame is a stubby blue whisper.

“You think he’ll come back like he left?”

“No,” Dana says. No hesitation. “But you’re not the same either."

“I don’t want him to flinch when he sees me.”

“He won’t. He’ll flinch when he sees the world kept moving without him.”

You fold the towel tighter.

“He’s only here six days.”

“Then make them real. Don’t waste them trying to make him comfortable. Let him be wrecked.”

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“That I won’t know how to hold him without breaking.”

Dana sighs. “Kid. If love doesn’t break you at least a little, you’re doing it wrong.”

You close your eyes.

“I should let you get back to work. Thanks for picking up.”

“Always.”

She hesitates.

“You want me to come over?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“You bleach anything else, I’m revoking your nurse’s license and mailing you boxed wine in retaliation.”

You laugh, for real this time. It cracks through you.

“Night, Dana.”

“Night, sweetheart.”

The phone beeps once. Call ended.

You set it back down on the counter. The charging light flickers. The cord sags loose again.

You met Dana three years ago. First week on nights at PTMC. You were twenty-three, barely out of nursing school, teeth clenched through your first trauma code. A car crash. A twelve-year-old. You froze when the girl coded. Couldn’t remember how to hold the Ambu bag. Couldn’t remember your name.

Dana moved your hands. Didn’t say a word.

Later that night, she found you alone in the stairwell with your head down and your badge still clipped to your scrub pocket. She leaned against the railing, and said:

“I’ve watched grown men piss themselves in that room. You didn’t.”

That was the closest she ever got to a compliment. You never forgot it.

Since then, she’s been a fixture. She doesn’t do small talk. Doesn’t do hugs. But she’ll hand you a chart the second a doctor disrespects you. She calls you kid when she means you did good. And when Jack shipped out last winter, she didn’t say she was sorry. She just started texting you around midnight every night, like clockwork.

Sometimes it was just:

u eat

Other times:

he call

And once:

ur stronger than u think but dumber than u know. pick one to fix.

You never responded. Not right away. But you always read them twice.

You leave your phone on the counter and walk through the living room. The rug is that deep olive shade that was trendy in 2003 and never stopped being a little ugly. There’s a brass tray on the ottoman holding three remotes you haven’t used in days. You walk past them and adjust the blanket even though no one’s been sitting there.

You light a second candle. The one in the hallway by the photo frames. Jack hates that one—calls it the “mall candle,” says it smells like the fitting room at a Bebe store.

You light it anyway. It means he’ll have something to complain about when he walks through the door.

In the bedroom, the sheets are too tight on the mattress. You re-made the bed this morning. Again. The hospital corners are habit now. You pull back the comforter and slide into the space where his body would be.

The ceiling fan ticks.

You stare at the shadow on the ceiling where the paint is uneven. You wonder if he’ll notice. He always does. Even the things that don’t matter.

Downstairs, the air conditioner cycles off. The house exhales with you.

You whisper into the quiet, “Don’t be a stranger.”

No one answers. But you imagine him on the plane anyway—hands folded, jaw locked, not sleeping.

You wonder if he misses this place. If he misses you in it.

Tomorrow, you’ll see his Army duffle by the door again—boots slouched beside it like he never left.

But tonight, it’s just the echo of him. And the house, waiting with you.

DAY ONE – THE KITCHEN

Feeding him is the first lie you tell yourself. Robinson Township, PA — July 2005, 7:23 a.m.

You’d cracked the eggs before you even heard the front door open.

Maybe twenty minutes before. Maybe thirty. You’d laid out the skillet. You’d sliced the bread. You’d turned the heat to medium and just stood there—still, blinking slow—until the oil popped and the pan hissed too loud.

And then he was there.

Not with a knock. Not with a shout.

Just the sound of the door opening, slowly, the scrape of the lock disengaging, and that familiar thud of boots—his boots—on the too-smooth floor you refinished last February. The sound echoed up into your chest before you even turned around.

He didn’t call your name. He didn’t drop his bag like he used to. He just stepped inside the kitchen like it hadn’t been four months since he last stood in it, like no time at all had passed, like memory could be picked up and worn like a jacket.

He was wearing military fatigue pants—heavy-duty, olive-drab, pockets down the legs, creased like they’d been folded too long. A black t-shirt clung to him, sleeves rolled to the shoulder. His dog tags flashed once, then vanished beneath the collar. He smelled like recycled air, sand, and something sharp and chemical—maybe jet fuel. His eyes moved slowly: the red walls first. Then the island. Then the boots you’d nudged closer to the mat by the door. Then you.

You opened your mouth to say something. But all that came out was,

“Shower still leaks.”

It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t even a sentence. Just something to push into the silence.

He looked at you for a beat, unreadable.

“Good,” he said.

That was it.

Now, it’s 7:43 a.m.

The eggs are starting to cool by the time he comes back downstairs.

You’d scrambled them soft the way he used to like them. Butter, not oil. Black pepper and nothing else. Toast in the pan with too much margarine. The coffee’s been sitting in the pot for twenty minutes, burned just enough to taste like the night before. You’ve filled two plates, not because you think he’ll eat—just because not doing it felt worse.

He comes in barefoot, damp curls at the base of his neck, pants slung low on his hips. One of his old t-shirts—Army green, threadbare, stretched at the collar—clings to him like it’s afraid he’ll take it off again. He walks like someone who hasn’t taken a real step in weeks.

You don’t say anything at first. Neither does he.

He pauses near the kitchen island, eyes scanning the plate, the coffee, the candle still flickering beside the microwave—vanilla sugar, old, nearly spent. He doesn’t comment on the smell.

“I made breakfast,” you say, like it isn’t obvious.

Jack nods, but doesn’t sit.

You pull the second stool out. “You can’t just stand there.”

“I can.”

“Then I can throw it all in the trash.”

That gets a flicker from him—a half-smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

He slides onto the stool, one hand curling around the edge of the counter like he’s bracing for something that might hit him.

You set the fork down beside his plate. He doesn’t pick it up.

“Looks good,” he says.

You pour him a cup of coffee. No milk. One sugar. The way he used to take it.

“I wasn’t sure you’d want it.”

Jack stares at the mug. “I haven’t stopped wanting it.”

He takes a sip. His jaw twitches. It’s too strong.

“Sorry,” you say, already reaching for the pot. “I should’ve made a new—”

“No. It’s good.” His voice is low. Final. He keeps drinking.

He picks up his fork. Cuts the eggs in half. Doesn’t eat them.

You sit across from him, elbows on the counter, your own plate untouched.

“How’s the water pressure?” you ask.

Jack chews a corner of toast. “Low.”

You watch him try to swallow the toast. He chews for too long. Washes it down with coffee.

You want to ask if he’s sleeping. If he still wakes up from dreams that don’t belong to this time zone. If his hands stop shaking long enough to write letters he never sends.

Instead, you ask, “You want jam?”

Jack looks up. Finally.

“Do I look like someone who wants jam?”

You smile. “A little.”

“Jesus,” he mutters, then shakes his head. “You haven’t changed at all.”

“No,” you say. “But I’ve gotten quieter.”

Jack puts the fork down. Rubs his hands on his thighs. His knuckles are cracked. He’s been picking at the skin again.

“I almost forgot what this place looked like,” he says. “I thought I’d walk in and feel something.”

“You don’t?”

“I feel... like I’m visiting someone who wears my face.”

You both go still.

The candle gutter-flames.

You say nothing. There’s nothing to say.

“I thought maybe I’d walk in and smell you,” he adds, voice quieter now. “But it smells like sugar and bleach.”

You look away. “I’ve been cleaning.”

“Why?”

You shrug. “Because everything felt dirty without you in it.”

That lands.

Jack shifts in his seat like he wants to say something back. But he doesn’t. Instead, he lifts the mug again and drinks until it’s empty.

You reach for the eggs, meaning to take his plate, but he covers it with one hand.

“Don’t clear it,” he says.

“You’re done.”

“I’m not ready for it to be gone.”

You sit back.

Jack doesn’t look at you. His hand stays on the plate.

The food’s cold now. The coffee pot’s off. The sun through the window is too bright for the both of you.

You both stay there a while, not eating, not talking, just observing a plate neither of you wanted.

“You’re here now,” you say. “That’s all I wanted.”

Jack swallows. You hear it more than see it. He blinks once.

“Is it enough?” he asks.

You pause.

You want to say yes.

You want to say I love you.

You want to say don’t go again.

Instead, you answer the way you always do when you’re afraid of telling the truth too early.

“I’ll let you know.”

DAY TWO – THE BATHROOM

The water doesn’t run hot. But he doesn’t stop scrubbing. Robinson Township, PA — July 2005, 5:06 a.m.

The sound wakes you before the light does.

Not an alarm. Not the soft whine of the AC unit kicking on. Not birdsong.

Just water.

A slow, constant stream—unnatural in the way only middle-of-the-night plumbing is. Too purposeful to be a leak. Too still to be a shower. It’s the kind of sound that pulls memory to the surface before consciousness catches up.

You blink into the dim morning, cold air settled low on the carpet, and reach instinctively for the other side of the bed.

His side is cold.

The sheets are undisturbed.

You sit up slowly. The clock reads 5:06 in cheap red digits that never dim. The ceiling fan above you ticks once—unbalanced again—and you stare at the sliver of light under the hallway door.

You pull your sweatshirt over your tank top, press bare feet to the carpet, and follow the water sound down the hall.

The door to the bathroom is cracked open half an inch.

You hesitate.

Then you push it open.

Jack is hunched over the sink like he’s prepping for field surgery.

Barefoot. Boxers. A damp grey undershirt clinging to his ribs. His dog tags are swinging faintly, brushing the ceramic bowl. One of his knees is braced against the cabinet beneath him like he’s holding pressure somewhere.

His hands are under the water. Not resting. Scrubbing.

The bar of soap—yellow, waxy, no scent—is ground between his palms. Hard. Fast. Like if he just goes hard enough, long enough, it’ll come off. Whatever it is.

You stay in the doorway. You don’t speak.

The mirror is fully fogged over except for the bottom third, which is smudged clean from the swing of his elbow. You can see his mouth reflected—tight. His chin—unshaven. His eyes—not there.

He hasn’t heard you.

Or maybe he has, and he’s ignoring it.

Either way, he doesn’t stop.

The sink is half-full now, the drain slow. You watch suds and skin particles spiral together in faint gray water.

Then, suddenly—he drops the soap.

It hits the porcelain with a sickening clack.

He makes a sharp noise in his throat and grabs the basin with both hands, breathing heavy, like he might throw up. His head drops between his shoulders. The dog tags knock against the sink.

You take one slow step forward.

Then another.

The tile is cold. There’s mildew in the grout near the baseboard you always meant to scrub.

You cross to him. Carefully.

“Jack,” you say, softly. “Hey.”

He doesn’t look up.

“I’m fine,” he mutters, but his voice is shredded. His fingers flex against the ceramic. “Just needed to wash up.”

You take another step. You see his hands now—red, rubbed raw at the knuckles, half-pruned from too much water. Not washed—scoured.

You look at the towel rack. One bar is bent. The hand towel is floral, too pink. A gift from your mom last Christmas. He hated it.

You reach for it anyway. Hold it out.

He doesn’t take it.

His eyes are bloodshot. Not from crying—from not sleeping. From rubbing. From dust. From whatever he saw in the tent, on the cot, on the ground, in the sand, behind someone’s teeth. You don’t know. He’ll never tell you all of it.

But he meets your gaze.

“I don’t feel clean.”

You lift your hand, slowly—like you’re approaching an animal that might bolt—and press your palm over his.

“It's okay”

His voice drops to almost nothing. “It's not.”

The faucet still runs—thin, faltering—like even the house doesn’t know how to stop. Jack speaks again.

“There was a kid. We found him—twelve, maybe. Half his stomach was gone. His arm too. He kept trying to sit up. I told him he’d be okay. I said—”

His voice breaks off, caught in his throat.

You don’t interrupt.

Jack drags the heel of his hand across his eye.

“I told him he’d see his mom. I didn’t know if his mom was alive. I just needed him to stay down long enough for me to close the wound.”

Silence.

“I was elbows deep. And he was still saying ‘okay, okay’ over and over like—like he was trying to help me.”

He stares at the water.

“I haven’t told anyone that.”

You squeeze his hand. You don’t say thank you. That would make it smaller.

“I should’ve been faster,” he whispers. “That’s the thing. I wasn’t fast enough.”

You shake your head.

“Jack.”

“I had blood in my teeth. I smelled it in my hair. I kept thinking—if I can just get my hands clean…”

You gently turn off the faucet.

The sink gurgles. The water stills.

Then you take the towel—the ugly pink one—and press it gently into his hands.

“They’re clean.”

“They don’t feel it.”

“Then I’ll keep telling you until they do.”

Jack holds the towel like it’s a wound dressing.

His hands shake. Yours don’t.

Not this time.

You don’t speak as you lead him downstairs.

He follows. Not because he’s ready. Not because he wants to. Because there’s nothing else to do.

The kitchen light is off. You don’t turn it on.

The dim grey of early morning is enough. You’ve lived here long enough to know where the corners are, even when your eyes are wet. Even when his boots—still by the door—remind you that he hasn’t really unpacked. That he might not.

Jack lowers himself into the nearest kitchen chair like his body isn’t quite calibrated to this furniture anymore. It creaks. He doesn’t react.

His hands are wrapped in the floral towel. Still.

You move quietly, like sudden noise might undo everything.

You pour coffee. The same pot from last night, reheated on the burner. Bitter. Burned. Familiar.

He doesn’t look at you when you set it down.

You say, “It’s hot.”

He says nothing.

You sit across from him. You don’t touch your own mug. Your hands are too warm already from holding his.

After a long time, he drinks.

One sip. Then another. Like his throat still hasn’t forgiven him for what he said upstairs.

You stare at the tile. You only just notice the floor’s still damp near the fridge. The ice maker leaks again.

The silence grows legs.

Jack clears his throat. Swallows something that isn’t coffee.

Then says, “You want to know the worst part?”

You look up.

“There’s a piece of me that misses it.”

He doesn’t look at you. He stares down at the table like it might open up and swallow the words.

“I miss the certainty,” he says. “I miss knowing exactly what to do. Where to stand. When to grab the gauze. Who needed me most.”

You nod. Slowly.

“You still know how to do that.”

He finally meets your eyes. “But it’s different here.”

You tilt your head. “Because no one’s dying?”

“Because no one’s listening.”

You open your mouth. Then close it again.

Because he’s right.

Jack rubs his eyes with the heel of his hand. Winces like he forgot how raw his skin was. The towel slips off his lap. You lean down to pick it up, fold it, and place it beside his mug.

“I didn’t mean to say any of that,” he says.

“I know.”

“You were supposed to get a version of me that could handle this.”

You lean forward, arms crossed over the table.

“I didn’t want a version. I wanted you.”

Jack’s fingers curl around the mug. He looks like he’s trying to grip it hard enough to keep from shaking.

“You don’t get to fix me,” he says. It’s not cruel. It’s not sharp. It’s a line he’s rehearsed. Probably in silence. Probably at night.

You don’t flinch.

“I wasn’t trying to.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“Letting you fall apart. And staying.”

That breaks something. Not all the way. But enough.

Jack pushes the mug toward the center of the table like he’s done with it. Like it’s too hot, or too honest.

Then he sinks back in the chair, palms flat to the edge.

His eyes trace the room—cabinets, sink, toaster, stove. You. Slowly. Like he’s trying to remember what each thing used to mean.

“Last time I sat at this table,” he says, “we were fighting about laundry.”

You smile, just a little. “You said I folded your shirts like a civilian.”

“You said I was lucky I even had clean shirts.”

“I said that?”

“Yeah.”

“I was right.”

He huffs a breath. Almost a laugh. It disappears.

You reach out. Not far. Just far enough that your fingers brush the edge of his.

“I don’t want you to be fine,” you say.

“I don’t want to be this.”

“Okay.”

“I just need a minute.”

“You can have as long as you want.”

The house creaks around you like it’s heard every version of this conversation.

Outside, the sun finally cuts over the roofline, pushing light in through the side window above the sink.

It lands across Jack’s shoulders.

He doesn’t move.

But for the first time in hours, he looks warm.

7:08 pm. The sidewalk doesn’t feel any narrower. But he walks like it might betray him.

The sun’s still out, but softer now. Late-day light, the kind that washes everything in the gold of almost evening.

You suggested a walk without meaning to. Just said, “Do you want to get out of the house?” and he nodded like it was a mercy. Like he’d been waiting for the walls to stop humming since the moment he stepped through the door.

He doesn’t ask where you’re going.

He just follows.

Jack doesn’t walk beside you at first. He walks behind, about half a pace. Not enough to make it weird. Just enough to feel like he’s tracking, not joining. You don’t push it.

The neighborhood hasn’t changed much since he left.

Cracked sidewalks. Kids’ chalk drawings half-faded on the curb. A recycling bin knocked over and not yet fixed. Someone grilling a few houses down—probably burgers. The smell hangs in the air like memory.

Your feet find the rhythm first. You’ve taken this walk a hundred times. It used to be your way to clear your head when he was gone—loop around the block, pass the blue house with the overgrown hydrangeas, cut through the alley where the pavement turns to gravel, come home when the porch light flickers.

Today, you walk slower.

Jack’s boots sound heavier than they should on the concrete. Like he’s used to dirt again. Like sidewalks don’t make sense to him anymore.

At the corner, you stop.

There’s a curb here—chipped, worn smooth at the edges. Jack used to park his truck here. He’d sit on the edge of the bed with his legs swinging, elbows braced behind him, watching the sky like it might start telling the truth.

You glance toward the space without meaning to.

Jack follows your gaze. Then says, “That spot still oil-stained?”

You nod.

“I checked last month. The outline’s still there.”

He breathes out, almost a laugh.

“That truck never stopped leaking.”

“You never stopped defending it.”

“She got me through two duty stations and your father’s wrath.”

You smile. “He said it looked like it belonged in a scrapyard.”

Jack shrugs. “It did.”

He doesn’t say what else happened in that truck. The nights when you climbed in beside him just to get away from the noise. The way he kept spare socks and granola bars in the glovebox like he was always half-deployed already.

You remember. He doesn’t have to say it.

You cross the street together now. Closer. His shoulder brushes yours on the corner, and for a second, he stops.

Right at the driveway of the blue house. The one with the busted birdbath and the plastic lawn chairs.

He looks down at the sidewalk like something might be there.

Then he says, “This is where I told you I didn’t want you to wait.”

You turn to face him.

“You said, ‘Don’t wait up.’ Not ‘Don’t wait.’”

Jack swallows. “Did I?”

You nod. “I wrote it down. In a notebook. Dumb things you said before you left.”

His mouth twitches. “How long was the list?”

“Longer than it should’ve been.”

He doesn’t laugh, but his eyes flick up. “You were mad.”

“I was scared.”

He nods.

And then: “I was too.”

That lands between you like it’s never been said before.

Because it hasn’t.

Jack exhales. Long. Slow.

Then he takes a half-step closer, eyes still on the sidewalk.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t think I’d make it back here. Not once.”

You blink.

“I thought about it,” he says, “but it never felt real. This. You. The sidewalk. The mailbox with the duct tape on the hinge. I thought I’d either die or disappear somewhere in between.”

You look down. At the exact spot his boot toe is nudging.

“You didn’t.”

“I know.”

“But I think part of you stayed behind anyway.”

Jack reaches up—slowly—and touches the side of your face. Not like he’s claiming you. Like he’s asking if you’re still real.

You lean into it.

Just barely.

He says, “Thank you.”

You say, “For what?”

“For being part of the part that stayed.”

You don’t respond.

You don’t have to.

Because you already know you’re walking side-by-side with a man who doesn’t believe he deserves this sidewalk, this sky, this chance. And you’re the only thing grounding him to it.

As you round the corner toward the house, you realize your steps are in sync now. His shoulder brushes yours again. This time, it lingers.

Not like contact.

Like remembrance.

Like maybe this is how it started the first time.

And how it might start again.

DAY THREE — THE BEDROOM

No one sleeps. But something breaks open. Robinson Township, PA — July 2005, 2:11 a.m.

The bed is too big.

You bought it together at Value City Furniture two summers ago, back when you thought buying things together meant something permanent. Something like safety. Something like a future.

It had looked romantic in the showroom. The wrought iron headboard, black and arched, advertised as “rustic elegance.” Jack rolled his eyes at the tagline, said the frame looked like a Civil War relic, but you caught him testing the edge with his boot anyway. Just to see if it could hold weight.

It squeaked the first night you slept in it. It still squeaks now.

Jack lies on top of the covers, arms crossed over his chest like he’s waiting for a command. His pants are creased, like they came off the floor. He hasn’t changed shirts since yesterday. You’re not sure he’s changed at all.

He doesn’t close his eyes. He just stares at the ceiling like there might be a sniper’s silhouette etched in the drywall.

You lie on your side, curled into the corner of the mattress, spine curved in on itself. Your knees pulled up like they might anchor you. You’re wearing the sleep shorts with the little ribbon on the waistband—the pair you bought during a clearance sale at Ross. You wore them the night before he deployed.

You remember standing in the hallway while he packed. The overhead light was yellow and humming, and you asked, “Should I bring you to the airport?”

He didn’t answer. Just zipped his bag.

You bought those shorts for him. He doesn’t notice them now.

At 2:57 am, you hear the floorboards creak.

Jack moves like someone trying not to make sound, but the house was built in 1961, and it remembers everything. Every board groans. The door clicks open, then closed. The stairs whisper.

You wait a few minutes.

Then you get up.

At 3:03, you find him in the kitchen.

The lights are off. The only glow comes from the microwave clock and the open fridge door.

He’s standing by the counter, drinking straight from the coffee pot. No mug. No ceremony. The pot’s heavy in his hand, the glass sweating cold from the fridge shelf. He winces when he swallows—the burn of something that’s meant to be hot but never got there.

You don’t say anything at first. Just lean against the doorway in your ribboned shorts and the tank top you wore to bed, arms folded. He notices you. Not with surprise. Just… resignation.

“Sorry,” he says, blinking like the light might change. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t,” you say, and it’s true.

He sets the pot down, grabs a mug from the cabinet. The red one with peeling white letters that say “HOT STUFF.” You’d stolen it from a diner on Route 30 during a road trip that neither of you ever really talk about anymore.

You watch him hold it in both hands. You’re not sure if it’s a joke or a relic. He pours the cold coffee into it anyway.

“You remember that dog across the street?” he asks.

His voice is quieter now. Lower. Like the room has ears.

You tilt your head. “The one that used to bark every night?”

“Yeah.”

You nod once. “They moved two months ago.”

Jack doesn’t react. Not really. He nods back, slowly. His eyes stay trained on the window.

But you can tell—he’s still listening for it.

That dog used to be a warning.

Every night, it barked once before the porch light on your neighbor’s house turned on. Once before the sound of someone’s car pulled up. Once before the late-shift newspaper delivery.

It let Jack rest. Because if the dog wasn’t barking, there was nothing wrong.

Now, there’s nothing.

The silence is louder.

He exhales. Braces his hands on the counter. You step into the room, bare feet on cold tile. You don’t ask what he’s doing. You already know.

You reach past him to grab a second mug. Yours says Pittsburgh’s #1 Radiology Tech, even though you’re not a tech. Jack bought it as a joke your first year working.

He watches as you pour a little into your cup. Then he says, quietly, “I thought the bed would help.”

“What part?”

“The frame. The mattress. The idea of it.”

You sip. “And?”

“I laid there and waited for my heart rate to drop.”

“Did it?”

Jack shakes his head. “I laid there and counted shadows.”

You lean against the counter next to him.

He doesn’t move away.

“I don’t know how to sleep here anymore,” he says. “But I can’t sleep anywhere else.”

You glance at him. He looks tired—not in the face, not in the skin, but in the bones. His body is upright because it doesn’t remember how to rest. His hands are braced like he’s waiting to be called up. His mouth is a straight line.

You both stay in the kitchen, side by side, watching the space where the dog used to bark.

The silence is awful. But it's not empty.

It’s loaded.

The coffee’s cold.

The mug is warm.

The night keeps going.

And the bed?

It’s still upstairs. Still too big.

Still squeaking into the silence.

Waiting.

DAY FOUR – THE BASEMENT

Where the laundry runs too hot. Robinson Township, PA — July 2005, 1:34 p.m.

The dryer’s on its third cycle.

You didn’t mean to restart it. Your hands just did it. Automatically. Like the sound mattered more than the clothes inside. Like the tumbling noise was preferable to the silence in your chest.

The laundry room is suffocating. A concrete box with no insulation, barely enough ceiling for Jack to stand straight. A narrow block window lets in sunlight through cobwebs. Dust dances in it, but nothing else moves.

You’re barefoot, standing on the painted concrete, folding a pile of clothes you don’t remember washing.

T-shirts. Socks. A hoodie that still smells like wind. His fatigue jacket—the one that’s been draped over the back of the kitchen chair since the night he got home. It’s damp from the wash. You shouldn’t have washed it.

You tell yourself it needed it. You tell yourself that’s what home is.

You tell yourself he won’t notice.

Then you reach into the basket and pull it out—a plain, sand-colored combat shirt. Short sleeves. Tag nearly faded. The collar stiff. There’s a small puncture at the shoulder seam, the fabric there worn thin. The cotton feels heavier than it should. Like it held too much sun. Or too much blood.

You lift it gently. You don’t fold it.

You just stare.

Your fingers curl into the fabric. It’s still warm from the dryer.

Behind you, the door creaks.

You go still.

You don’t have to turn around to know it’s him. You can tell by the cadence—three steps too fast for a man not in a hurry. Heavy on the heel. Controlled on the descent. Like he’s been pacing the top of the stairs for minutes before deciding to come down.

When you finally do turn, he’s already halfway across the room.

And his eyes are on the shirt.

He stops like he hit something invisible.

You don’t say anything.

The dryer clicks and spins behind you.

Jack steps forward—deliberate, not loud—and holds out his hand.

You hand him the shirt.

He takes it quickly. Not rough. But not gently either. Like you’d handed him something flammable. Like it might disappear if he didn’t grip it tight.

His voice is low. Distant.

“Don’t wash these.”

You blink. “What?”

“They’re not dirty.”

Your mouth opens. Then closes.

Jack’s holding the shirt against his chest, knuckles white. His breathing is too controlled. Eyes wide but unreadable.

“I—I just thought—” you try. “You left it on the chair.”

“It wasn’t dirty,” he says again. This time louder. Not angry. Just breaking.

The basement hums.

You step closer. “Jack—”

He cuts you off without looking up.

“I wore this when Elliot died.”

Silence.

Jack’s hands tighten.

“There was nothing left of him but his legs and a boot. I packed what I could into my bag because I thought—I thought maybe his mother would want something. A sock. A photo. Anything. But we never got a body bag. So I folded my own shirt. Folded it clean. And kept it.”

He swallows. Hard.

“I’ve been carrying it for weeks.”

You want to say I didn’t know. You want to say I’m sorry.

But you don’t. You don’t interrupt him.

“It smells like diesel and antiseptic and the last hour of that day,” he says. “And I know that sounds fucked up, but that’s how I know it’s mine.”

You feel your chest cave in.

He still won’t look at you.

“I came home and I couldn’t sleep unless it was near me. Just in the room. On the chair. Something. It—”

Jack presses the shirt to his face. Not to smell it.

To stop himself.

His voice drops. Breaks.

“It was the only thing that didn’t forget me.”

You cross the rest of the room slowly. Step by step. Like any wrong movement might make him retreat.

He doesn’t move away when you reach him.

You lift your hand and rest it on his forearm, just above the place where his fingers are clenched in the fabric.

“I didn’t mean to erase anything.”

Jack shakes his head. His voice is a whisper. “You didn’t. I just—I didn’t know it would hit me like this.”

He finally looks at you.

His eyes are bloodshot. Still holding back. But this time, you can see the grief there.

You reach up. Brush his damp temple with your thumb.

Jack lets the shirt fall to his side.

His hand finds yours.

You both stand in the too-hot basement for a long time. The dryer clicks. The smell of cotton softener and heat fills the space. Jack exhales, long and quiet, and leans into you—not like surrender, but like memory finally letting him bend.

And the shirt?

It stays in his hand.

Unfolded.

Still his.

3:58 pm. You didn’t mean to come here. The hospital’s not where people go to breathe, but the parking lot knows your car. Your badge still opens the back entrance. And Dana? Dana never stopped answering your texts.

So you park where you always used to, next to the yellow-striped curb with the half-broken wheelchair sign. The air smells like brake fluid and hot metal and something floral that might be coming from the retirement home next door.

Dana’s already out there, standing under the overhang near the loading zone. Her scrubs are dark gray, faded at the collar. She’s got her ID clipped to her waistband and her lighter in one hand.

“You look like shit,” she says as you walk up.

“Thanks.”

“I meant that fondly.”

You lean against the wall beside her, arms crossed, heat still clinging to your shirt. You didn’t even change. You realize your hands still smell like dryer sheets and dust.

Dana lights her cigarette. Exhales smoke in the opposite direction, not out of politeness—just force of habit.

“How is he?” she says, not looking at you.

You shrug.

Dana snorts. “I’m not the press, kid. Don’t shrug me.”

You stare out at the edge of the parking lot. The wind lifts your hair, then drops it again. You don’t answer right away.

Then you say, “I washed one of his shirts.”

Dana raises her eyebrows. Waits.

“It—meant something to him. I didn’t know. He lost someone. He folded that shirt and carried it back like it was a body bag. And I washed it like it was laundry.”

Dana doesn’t speak. Just flicks ash from her cigarette with one practiced gesture.

“He didn’t yell,” you add. “He didn’t even get mad. He just looked like I’d taken something he didn’t have a backup of.”

Dana inhales again. Her voice is rough when she says, “That’s because you did.”

You look at her.

She exhales smoke slowly. Her eyes are on the street, but her voice stays with you.

“That’s the thing no one tells you about grief, or trauma, or whatever the hell you wanna name it. Half the time, it’s stored in the dumbest shit. Coffee mugs. Baseball caps. T-shirts that still smell like dirt and diesel. You think you’re doing something kind—putting it back in order—but to them, it’s erasure.”

You nod. Quiet.

“I don’t want to fix him,” you say.

Dana cuts her eyes at you. “Bullshit.”

You flinch.

“You want him whole,” she continues. “And I get it. But he’s not. And he won’t be. So either you love what made it back, or you keep waiting for someone who didn’t.”

The words land like bricks.

You breathe through your nose.

“I do love what made it back.”

Dana’s voice softens, just a little. “Good. Then start showing up for him—not the version you built in your head while he was gone.”

Silence again.

The sun slants gold across the top of the ambulance bay awning. Someone inside slams a door. You both ignore it.

“I miss who I was when he left,” you say after a long minute. “Back then I still had answers.”

Dana nods. “Now you’ve got questions.”

“Yeah.”

“You’ll live.”

You huff a breath.

Dana stubs out the cigarette on the cement with the toe of her shoe. She doesn’t look at you when she says:

“He’s lucky you’re still here.”

You blink. “That’s not something you say.”

“I didn’t say it for you. I said it because it’s true.”

You let your head rest back against the wall.

The sun dips lower. Somewhere inside, someone yells for a gurney. Dana doesn’t move.

Then she adds, quieter, “I’m around. If you need someone to call next time you try to launder someone’s soul.”

You laugh—sharp, real.

“Thanks.”

Dana flicks her lighter once before pocketing it. “Now get out of here before someone hands you a chart.”

4:46 pm. The house is quiet when you get back. Not still—just quiet. The kind that feels occupied, but not lived in. The TV isn’t on. No fan running. No clatter from the kitchen. Just the sound of your key in the lock, the door shutting behind you, and the faintest creak from the upstairs floorboards as the house settles around a man who hasn’t moved in hours.

You toe off your shoes, still holding the weight of Dana’s voice in your shoulders.

You walk upstairs.

The bedroom door is open a few inches. Just like he left it the night he got back.

You push it gently.

Jack is sitting on the edge of the bed. Elbows on his knees, fingers steepled in front of his mouth. He looks like he’s praying, but you know better.

He’s not praying.

He’s just trying to stay in his body.

The bedside light is on. The one with the too-warm bulb you used to complain about. It casts a golden pool across the blanket but doesn’t touch his face. He doesn’t turn toward you. But he knows you’re there.

You step inside.

He doesn’t speak.

You sit beside him. Not close enough to touch. Just close enough to feel the heat radiating from him like tension.

You don’t speak for a long time.

Then, quietly, “You’re still in the same clothes.”

Jack lets out a breath—something like a laugh, but it’s dry. Empty.

“I was gonna change.”

“I figured.”

His shoulders move, just barely.

“I came home,” he says, “but this won’t come off.”

He gestures down at himself. At the shirt. At the pants. At the version of him that hasn’t known softness in months.

You nod.

Then, carefully, you reach for the hem of his shirt. Your fingers brush the fabric. He doesn’t flinch. But he goes still.

You say, “Let me.”

He nods once.

You move slowly.

You slide your hands under the bottom of the shirt, just enough to lift it over his hips, then ribs, then shoulders. He leans forward as you ease it over his head.

It smells like sweat. Soap. Something older—metallic and dry. You fold it and set it beside you on the bed like it’s breakable.

He stays hunched over.

His back is scarred in ways you hadn’t seen yet. New calluses. Old burns. A dark bruise under his left shoulder blade, the kind that comes from armor worn too long or walls leaned against for too many hours.

You move to the belt.

Your fingers are careful. You don’t tug. You just unclip the buckle, slide the leather loose, and let the weight of it ease through the loops like a breath being released. His hands rest on his thighs. Still.

The pants slide down stiffly—heavy from wear, creased with memory. You pull them down to his ankles. He steps out of them wordlessly.

You fold them too.

Now he’s in boxers and socks. That’s all.

You kneel in front of him. Palms to his knees.

His eyes finally meet yours.

And for a moment, there’s no field medic, no trauma code, no silence. Just Jack. The man who came home. The man who’s still learning how to let someone see him like this.

You say, “Lie back.”

He hesitates.

You say it again. “Just rest.”

He exhales. Then does.

He lowers himself onto the bed, arms still too stiff, like he doesn’t quite know where to put them. You tug the blanket up over his legs. His chest is bare, rising steady, but you can still see the tension under the surface.

You crawl in beside him, fully clothed, facing him.

His eyes are open. Searching.

You reach out, lay a hand on his sternum.

Warm. Solid. Human.

Jack says, “I didn’t think I’d let anyone do that.”

You say, “You didn’t. You let me.”

His throat works. Then he whispers:

“Don’t leave.”

You tighten your hand against his chest.

“I won’t.”

And for the first time since he came home, he believes you.

DAY FIVE — THE KITCHEN

Where he reaches first. Robinson Township, PA — July 2005, 9:17 a.m.

You wake to the smell of something burning.

Not smoke. Just bread taken too far. A crisp edge curling up in the toaster tray, sugar from the crust turning dark and acrid. You blink into the morning light, still bleary, your legs tangled in the sheets.

Jack isn’t in the bed.

But the blankets are still warm where he was.

You sit up.

You don’t panic.

In the kitchen, he’s standing in front of the toaster, shirtless, barefoot, and blinking at the smoke like he forgot the world had timers. His dog tags are still on. You don’t think he ever took them off.

He hears you step in and glances up.

“Morning,” he says.

His voice is raspy but present. Grounded.

You nod. “You made toast.”

“I made charcoal,” he corrects. “The toaster’s got a vendetta.”

You walk over. He waves a dish towel in front of the fire alarm that didn’t go off. His eyes flick toward you, once, then away again.

You pull open a cabinet. Grab a plate. Set it on the counter between you both.

Jack says, “I was trying to let you sleep.”

“You did.”

“You came running.”

“I smelled crime.”

He huffs a laugh, then reaches down and pries the toast out with his fingers. Winces as it singes him.

You move before you think—grab his wrist. “Let me.”

He lets go.

You throw the toast away.

Jack leans back against the counter. Dog tags swinging once, then stilling against his sternum. His body is loose in a way it hasn’t been all week. Still tall. Still lean. But not braced.

You look at him. Really look.

He looks back.

Then—quietly, like it’s nothing—he reaches out.

Fingers brush your hip.

A light touch. Groundless. Unscripted. But his.

You blink.

He says, “Just wanted to see if you were real.”

You step closer.

“I am.”

He nods. Swallows.

“Okay.”

You don’t kiss.

You don’t touch again.

But you stand across from each other in the middle of the too-bright kitchen with the broken toaster and the lemon cleaner still clinging to the tile.

And for once?

He doesn't try to leave the room.

4:23 pm. It happens mid-afternoon.

Not in a moment you expect.

You’re on the floor in the living room, head resting against the couch cushion, legs stretched out, ankles crossed. The TV is on but muted. One of those daytime true crime shows where the reenactments are always too dramatic. You’re not watching it.

Jack’s on the couch behind you, feet up, one arm slung across his chest. He’s not asleep. He’s just still, in that strange, too-conscious way you’ve come to recognize. The kind of stillness that says: I’m here. But not for long.

The room smells like furniture polish and warm laundry. There’s a breeze through the cracked window that lifts the edge of the curtain but doesn’t move it enough to matter.

Your voice breaks the silence.

“You remember when the power went out for two days last winter?”

Jack grunts. “You cried over the last Pop-Tart.”

“I did not.”

“You rationed it like you were in a bunker.”

“You refused to use the candles.”

“I hate vanilla.”

“They were unscented.”

Jack shrugs.

You smile to yourself. “We kept the fridge cold with a bag of snow in a Tupperware container.”

Jack glances down at you. “You slept on the floor, too.”

You turn your face toward him, cheek pressing into the cushion.

“There was more heat near the vent,” you say. “And I didn’t want to move too far from the outlet in case the power came back.”

“You were curled up like a cat,” he murmurs. “I was on the couch.”

“I know,” you say. “I didn’t want to be left.”

Jack doesn’t respond.

But you feel it—the shift. The widening quiet. Not uncomfortable. Just heavy. Full.

You sit up slowly, turn toward him, and fold your legs beneath you, facing him.

He looks at you. And for a second—just one—his hand twitches like he might reach for your face.

But he doesn’t.

You say, “I keep thinking about what happens after this.”

Jack’s eyes stay on yours. His body stills again.

“What happens when the sixth day ends,” you continue. “What it means when the last thing you leave behind is a used towel and a folded shirt on the end of the bed.”

He opens his mouth. Closes it. His throat works.

You shake your head, softly. “I know it’s not fair.”

“No,” he says quietly. “It is.”

You wait.

Then he says it:

“I’ve been thinking about it too.”

The air in the room thickens.

You don’t move.

He sits forward.

Hands on his knees. Shoulders hunched. Dog tags swinging once, then still.

“You want to ask me not to go,” he says.

You nod.

“But you won’t,” he finishes.

You shake your head. “No.”

He lets out a breath. It’s shaky.

“You’d be the first.”

You blink. “What?”

“You’d be the first person to ever ask.”

You whisper, “Would you stay if I did?”

Jack doesn’t answer.

Instead, he leans forward—closer. Eyes fixed on yours.

And for a breathless moment, it feels like something might break open.

But then?

He blinks.

And leans back

Your eyes sting.

Because you both know what he’s doing.

Because you let him do it.

Because he’s still leaving.

8:43 pm. You were just putting away socks.

That’s all.

You were folding laundry from the basket you forgot in the dryer, and you were doing it without thinking—half-watching the muted news loop on Channel 11, half-counting how many days until you’d have to start buying groceries again.

Jack’s in the bathroom. Said he was going to shave.

You didn’t ask why now—why suddenly, after days of letting the stubble grow in, he’d decided tonight was the time.

You didn’t mention the faint scent of aftershave on him this morning, either. The same one he always uses. Clean. Sharp. Familiar. Even though you hadn’t seen him so much as look at a razor in four days.

You’re just putting away socks.

You open his nightstand drawer to make space—maybe for the shirt he left folded on the bed, maybe for something else. You haven’t organized it since before he left. You’ve let him keep it messy.

Inside: gum, receipts, a scratch-off ticket with no winner, a pen with no cap, and something folded.

It’s yellow legal pad paper. Soft at the edges.

Folded twice.

Not shoved in.

Not careless.

Tucked.

You hesitate.

You unfold it.

You read the first line.

And the second.

And suddenly it’s not the laundry that’s hot anymore.

It’s your face. Your throat. Your chest. Like the words are burning straight through you.

You sit down on the bed without realizing you’ve moved.

You read the whole thing.

I’m not leaving a note. That’s not what this is. This is just… something I need to write down so it stops choking me when I try to look at her. So I can leave without taking all of it in my throat. I was never supposed to stay this long. I knew the six days would stretch me, but I didn’t expect her to make them feel like the only real time I’ve had since I left the first time. She folds towels like the world isn’t ending. She hums when she’s trying not to cry. She asked if I’d stay, and the worst part is—I wanted to say yes. But I knew I wouldn’t. Staying means breaking every part of me that still runs toward sirens. Staying means taking off the uniform and not knowing what’s underneath. Staying means telling her that I don’t know how to live in a house where the lights aren’t always on. I’m going to leave while she’s sleeping. Like I never really got back. Like I was just passing through. She’ll be okay. She’s always been better at being alone than I have. I won’t leave this for her to find. She doesn’t need more wreckage. I’m just writing it down so I remember I meant it.

You fold it back with shaking hands.

Your chest feels hollow. Your mouth tastes like copper. The room is loud, suddenly—the fan, the TV, the fridge kicking on, pipes groaning somewhere in the walls—everything pressing in at once.

He wasn’t going to tell you.

Not even a goodbye.

He was going to wait for you to fall asleep tomorrow morning, when the sixth day was up, and he was going to walk out the door without a word.

Without this.

Without anything.

And now?

You know.

And he doesn’t know that you know.

DAY SIX — THE PORCH

Where he thinks he’s being brave. And you let him. Robinson Township, PA — July 2005, 6:38 a.m.

You were awake all night.

Not pacing. Not crying.

Just awake.

The letter still folded the way he left it, tucked back into the drawer you never should’ve opened. You didn’t put it on the pillow. You didn’t confront him. You were careful to tuck the corners the way he does. Military-style. Precise.

Because if he was going to ghost you, you’d meet him with the same clean symmetry he used to disappear from war zones.

You brewed the coffee at six. Toast in the toaster, just enough to make the kitchen smell like routine. You wiped down the counters. You opened the front door.

The porch is cold. Dew-soaked. Quiet.

You sit on the top step with your mug and wait for him.

Not because you’re hoping he’ll change his mind.

But because he thinks you don’t know. And you need to see how well he lies.

He comes down at 6:44 am.

Hair damp. Bag already packed. Boots laced.

He smells like bar soap and fabric softener. And the distance between you is already miles wide.

He steps onto the porch like a man who thinks he’s making a clean exit.

You don’t look up right away.

He sits beside you, carefully. Like he’s trying not to wake a sleeping animal.

You sip your coffee.

“Sleep okay?” you ask.

He shrugs. “Didn’t sleep much.”

You nod like you didn’t already know that.

“Flight’s at eight?”

“Yeah.”

You glance over. “You packed light.”

He doesn’t catch the shift in your voice. He never was good at reading the tension when it was quiet.

He says, “Didn’t want to leave too much here.”

And there it is.

Not want to leave too much.

Like this was a staging ground, not a home.

You nod.

The silence stretches.

He’s waiting for a clean break. You’re waiting for him to break. Neither of you get what you want.

At 6:56, he stands.

You follow.

The front door is open behind you.

The duffel sits by the couch.

He looks at you for a long moment.

And then—he reaches out, cups your jaw the same way he did that first night he came home. Thumb at your temple. Fingers light at your neck. He tilts your face up.

And kisses you.

Soft. Warm. Final.

You let him.

You kiss him back.

Because he doesn’t know you know. Because you want this one last thing. Because you love him and you hate him and you’ll never forget this.

When he pulls back, he doesn’t meet your eyes.

He says, “I’ll call when I land.”

You nod.

You say, “Safe flight.”

He leaves.

Just like he wrote.

No look back.

No guilt.

No pause.

You close the door behind him with shaking hands.

You don’t cry.

Not yet.

You just stand in the kitchen with your coffee and the toast that burned a little.

And when the sound of his engine fades down the block—that’s when it hits.

Not because he left.

But because he meant to leave like you never mattered. And you let him kiss you anyway.

[marvelstoriesepic]

Wear My Heart

Pairing: Tattoo Artist!Bucky x Reader (Soulmate Au)

Summary: Bucky discovers his long-lost match in a client. But is he even meant to have you with the mark erased from his own body?

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: angst; loss of limb (non-graphic); prosthesis; PTSD; lots of self-worth issues; insecurities; mild reference to past violence (non-graphic); mentions of self-isolation; chronic loneliness; Bucky is going through some feels

Author’s Note: We had him as a tattoo artist yesterday and we have him as one today haha. This sweet request comes from my beloved tumblr husband! I hope you'll enjoy ♡

2k Drabble Challenge Masterlist | Masterlist

He sees you before you walk in.

A blur of reflection in the glass door, sunlight making your hair beam, fingers adjusting the strap of your bag.

The door opens.

He doesn’t look up right away.

Steve has booked this appointment under your name, and Sam had dropped too many hints over the past few weeks that you’d be coming in soon. Nat had rolled her eyes and told him flatly, that either he’d speak to you or they’d all die of secondhand tension.

So now you are here.

And he’s pretending not to care. Pretending to hear the buzz of the needle. The only thing that grounds him anymore. Pain turned into art. Wounds etched into skin like a creation. And he’s great at this because he’s better at translating pain than he is at speaking.

He prefers ink to people. Needles to names. He prefers silence.

“Bucky?” You’re saying his name as if it’s a question, like maybe you’re still not sure you’re in the right place.

He looks up.

And the moment your eyes meet, there is something inside him that flickers. Like a lightbulb that hasn’t been touched in years. Dusty. Forgotten. Still warm.

He nods. Just once.

You smile. Small. Polite. Nervous.

He doesn’t return it. Can’t.

Because your smile, although timid, is the kind of thing that stays with you - like smoke in his lungs. It fills the spaces where oxygen used to be.

He’s never properly spoken to you, but he’s seen you before - at Steve’s apartment, at Sam’s cookouts, in Nat’s too-casual Instagram stories where he already acknowledged how beautiful your smile is. How beautiful you are.

He remembers thinking you got a laugh like a sunrise, making darkness irrelevant.

He remembers thinking you’d never look at someone like him.

He remembers looking away.

He never said more than a word to you. Never trusted himself to.

You’re too good. Too light. And he’s not.

He knows you are out of his league. And maybe you didn’t even notice him. Maybe all the times he saw you - laughing in Steve’s kitchen, sitting cross-legged on Sam’s couch, reading some ancient paperback by the window - he was just a background blur in your story.

So he kept his distance.

It’s easier that way.

“Uhm, hey,” you start a little nervously, and he could kick himself. “I have a design I've been working on for a while. Steve said you might be the right artist for it.”

You hand him a sketch. He barely glances at it. His fingers don’t fumble but something in his chest does.

And then you move. Rolling your sleeve up. Exposing skin.

And Bucky stops breathing.

It takes a second for his mind to catch up. Another second to realize what he’s looking at.

But when it hits him - it hits.

Like an avalanche in his throat.

There, inked into the soft skin of your upper arm, is a mark he hasn’t seen in over a decade.

His mark.

The same symbol. The same twisted loops of black that curved into his skin when he was six years old. The same mark he stared at for years like it might offer answers. As though it could explain why he always felt like a half-finished sentence. As though it might lead him to someone whole.

It used to be on his left arm. Right over the muscle. He remembers tracing it absently during lectures, during subway rides, during troubled nights when he couldn’t sleep.

It disappeared the day he lost his arm. Gone. Stolen. Scrubbed clean as if he never had a soulmate at all.

He remembers crying - not for the pain, nor for the loss, but because the one thing that tethered him to hope, to someone, was just gone.

He decided then that he was meant to be alone. That fate had made a mistake. That maybe his soulmate was already dead. Or that she had moved on. Married someone else. Tattooed over the mark. Or worse, that the person meant for him would never find him, spending her life thinking she was alone. Marked for no one.

He wonders if you ever felt that way.

He wonders if you still do.

He keeps his face neutral. Professional. He’s good at this. But inside he is crumbling like never before. Collapsing. Splintering into a thousand broken pieces of before and after.

You are talking. He hears the cadence, the warmth, but the words are fog. All he can focus on is the mark. The one thing he never thought he’d see again.

And now you are standing in front of him. And you are real. And the mark is right there on your arm, the exact shape and size of the one that used to be his.

You don’t know.

You can’t know.

You’re here. You’re real. You’re his.

And he says nothing.

He stares at it as if it’s a hallucination. But it’s not.

His lungs are tight, cold, hollow. He feels his prosthesis twitch, the phantom ghost of muscle memory in the one he lost.

“This is where I was thinking it would go,” you say, pointing gently to the space around the mark - your mark, his mark, both your marks - “I think it’s one of those soulmate mark things. I got it when I was six. My mom said she always believed in them, that one day I’d meet someone with the same mark. You know, something about being made to match.” You laugh a little awkwardly, tugging your hair behind your ear, probably wondering why you told him this.

He doesn’t say anything. Just keeps staring.

You let out another awkward, breathless laugh. “I’ve never actually seen it on anyone else, though. Guess it’s just one of those things.”

Your words bruise him deeply.

He wants to scream. Wants to tell you everything. That you’re walking around unknowingly wearing his heart. That once, when he was a different man, that mark was the only beautiful thing left of him.

But his mouth doesn’t move. It’s dry.

Because how do you tell someone you lost the piece of yourself that was meant to find them?

What do you say to someone who doesn’t know they’ve been saving your life just by existing?

So he nods. Again. Always nodding. Always hiding.

He’s just the weird guy with the metal arm and the bad temper. The broody dude with a shop sitting behind a laundromat and too many shadows in his eyes. You don’t know that he’s been dreaming of you since he was a kid - before he lost everything but the pieces he could still carry in his chest.

You don’t know that he’s already met you in a hundred quiet ways.

Every time you laughed from another room. Every time he caught you humming while helping Steve cook. Every time Sam made a joke and you leaned in toward the warmth of it instead of away.

He almost speaks. Almost. But the words stick.

You don’t push. You sit. You trust.

And he works.

He sets up the station. Puts his gloves on, machine humming. He doesn’t make eye contact again for the rest of the session.

His fingers don’t shake but his soul does. He lets you sit close, lets you talk about what the design means to you and how long you’ve waited.

And all he wants to do is scream.

What do you say to someone who might run, if you told them the truth?

He tattoos the design carefully.

You wince once and his heart jumps like it wants to protect you from everything. He places his metal hand lightly on your shoulder. Usually, he avoids touch, but you don’t flinch.

That alone nearly destroys him.

You’re so close. Your heartbeat. Your breath. And he keeps thinking about the mark, about the fact that it once lived on his body. About how it had to be removed, torn away, for you to finally appear.

Maybe that’s what fate is.

Maybe it’s not a gentle thing.

Maybe it breaks you before it brings you what you need.

He is memorizing you.

Every breath. Every glance. Every shift.

It feels like something long buried is waking up inside of him. Something ancient. Something inevitable.

When it’s over, you thank him. You say it’s perfect. You pay and leave and smile and wave and tell him that you hope to see him at Steve’s soon and he stands there like a ghost.

He can’t tell you.

Maybe he isn’t even meant to tell you. Maybe fate’s hands were clumsy with him. Maybe it’s not that he lost the arm, or the mark, but that he was always meant to. Maybe that’s part of the story.

Maybe the universe never meant for him to find you. Only to know you exist. Only to touch what he could never keep.

Because what if he tells you?

You might look at him with those lovely wide eyes and smile, say finally, say yes.

But you might also tell him no, look at him with disgust, with disbelief, with disappointment that he is the one you get when you could have gotten someone so much better.

He can’t survive that. He knows it. The heart he stitched back together with flayed rope is easily able to snap when pulled too tight. He’s been holding it together with black thread and stubborn silence and ink. Ink. Always ink. The only thing that doesn’t lie.

He breathes as if he’s drowning. He thinks of your hand on his. The way you smiled. The way you trusted him without knowing why.

He didn’t see the way your eyes softened when he touched your arm. As though his hands were made of something other than metal and self-hatred.

He didn’t see how you leaned in a little closer when he spoke, how you tilted your head as if memorizing the sound of his voice.

He doesn’t see your hesitation at the door. The way you linger. The way you open your mouth to say more but then close it again.

He doesn’t see any of it because his mind is too loud. Too cruel. Too consuming.

It’s whispering to him, claiming that he’s not the man you were meant for. He lost his mark. He lost his right. This isn’t his story anymore.

Maybe the universe gave you the mark and took his, on purpose. Maybe it’s symbolic. Maybe it’s a warning.

Maybe you’re supposed to move on.

Maybe he is supposed to stay behind.

So he watches you go.

Only after the door clicks shut does he exhale.

He peels off his gloves with trembling hands. Walks to the back room. Opens the drawer he hasn’t touched in years.

There, under a stack of unused stencils and crumpled paper towels, is a single sheet. A sketch. Faded. Old. Drawn by hand.

The mark.

He lays it flat on the counter.

His chest feels like it’s holding a thunderstorm. Not lightning. No, that would be beautiful. There only are clouds that never break. Rain that never comes.

His eyes close.

And for the first time in years, Bucky lets himself feel it. Everything. Hope. Fear. Longing. Grief. Wonder.

He presses his palm over the place where his mark used to be. Where his flesh used to be.

He found you. It’s you.

And you don’t know.

But he does.

He brushes his thumb over the lines of his sketch and thinks that he could love you.

That he already does.

And then he thinks, that maybe he was never supposed to.

[tbaluver]

Hi...I love your writing so much, Big Fan >_< ♡

Can I ask about what it's like to shower with LNDS men?

Thank U

Showering With Them- The Love And DeepSpace Men

parings in order: Xavier x Reader, Zayne x Reader, Rafayel x Reader, Sylus x Reader genre/ tags: MDNI, 18+, suggestive content. short NSFW is right below the SFW ! (p.s sorry if this format was confusing ! just wanted to add both in this one) a/n: hihi anonnie! thank you for supporting my work i always appreciate it so much ! ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ i hope this was okay and that you enjoy reading this and my other future works ! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡ i dunno but i might make a shower smut after writing these LMAO anyways gonna post another headcanon in a few hours after this (∩˃o˂∩)♡ any likes and reblogs are always appreciated! enjoy!

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

Xavier: (SFW)

More of a shower person than a bath person because there were too many times to count on how many times you saw him asleep in the bathtub.

Almost falls asleep when you massage his scalp with soap as he wraps his hands on your waist to keep balanced. It just felt too relaxing and he couldn't help but flutter his eyes closed

Has a fair share of wash products but he ends up using yours because yours smell better and it smells like you.

He loves it when you clean him, it feels such a safe and intimate space between the two of you. You hum softly as you work gently against his scalp that you lathered. He felt so safe, so warm, in the space that you two created that he eases into the relaxation.

Loves the feeling of you every time he grazes his hands over your body. Obviously he’ll make sure to wash you as well. He’ll make sure that the soap doesn’t get in your eyes. Sometimes the two of you stand and hug, enjoying each other presence, while the water pours over the two of you-until the water gets cold.

Xavier: (NSFW)

He can't help it. You'll feel his hard-on when he's pressed up behind you. Ruts into you very slowly against your ass as he wraps around you while his hand is planted on your thigh to control the lazy pace. His moans would invade your ear as shaky breaths escape your lips.

Zayne: (SFW)

Another intimate time for the two of you.

When he’s coming home from work, he’s basically putty in your hands. You didn’t need to ask twice. He would barely have any energy to eat dinner or shower. He’s so touchy when you’re helping him wash him off while he lowly murmurs in your ear ‘thank you’s’

The type of man that would admire your body as he washes you with the body soap and shampoo. He has seen your body many times and has memorized every detail of you. But each time he sees you, it's like discovering you anew again. His eyes trail down as his hands lower, lower, and lower down your body as he washes you with the body soap.

Helps you wash your back and any hard places for you to reach and you do the same for him as well.

When you offer to help him wash his hair, he leans down, and you lather it with extra soap, laughing at how cute he looks. He doesn’t mind this at all, he finds your reaction to be adorable whenever you do this.

When he washes your hair, he is always so gentle. “Close your eyes for me, my love.” He’ll say softly as his hands carefully knead shampoo into your hair before washing it all away. He'll make sure none of it goes into your eyes.

Once you both finish washing, he turns off the shower and steps out to grab your towel. You both dry each other off, making sure every drop of moisture is gone and helps you put on your robe.

Zayne: (NSFW)

One finger would be rolling on your nipple while the other hand works through your folds. His mouth would be sucking and swirling on your breasts.

He'll use the shower bench to sit and to meet your height to suck on your breasts but will also use that opportunity to let you ride him.

Rafayel: (SFW)

Takes a long shower and I’m talking hours. He most definitely hogs the water and leaves you cold behind him. Has way too much showering products than you but he’ll definitely share them with you

Jokes aside, he would not stop caressing every inch and curve of your body when he sees you glistening with the water.

Loves to wrap his arms around you from behind. He’ll trail kisses on your shoulder to your ear while whispering how cute you look  before burying his face in the crook of your neck.

Lets you try all his expensive washes and you two would experiment every shower on which is the best

Would tell you to wash him and he loves it when you wash his hair. The way your fingers scrub the shampoo and your nails massaging his scalp, felt like heaven to him. He’ll rest his head on your shoulder as you wash the suds out and he’ll have a content smile resting on his lips.

When the two of you are finished drying up, he'll make sure to pick the best moisturizer for the two of you before you both get dressed

Rafayel: (NSFW)

Round two. After you both finish having sex in bed or wherever, you’ll find him against you again all naked and wet. His arousal is more heightened in the water. He just needs his pretty girl again after the mess you made on his cock

Loves how the water slides and glistens down between your bodies

Sylus: (SFW)

The type to say, “Why waste water when we can just shower together.” And I fear he does have a point so that’s why you both shower together often.

He likes to stand behind you most of the time because this allows him to place his chin on your head as the water falls onto the both of you.

He is most definitely going to get handsy using the soapy water. He’ll moves his hand further down to rub your butt and give it a light squeeze

He loves to put the lather of soap on your nose or place a bunch on your hair just to see your reaction. He also finds it amusing to see you try to do the same with him but you can’t because of your height difference. It usually ends up in a bubble war between the two of you.

He helps dries you off first before you help him dry him off. He'll lower his head so you can ruffle the towel on his head.

When it was his turn to wash his hair, he would lean down, a smile curling on his lips as he gazed at your face while you carefully shampoo into his hair

“Sy close your eyes”

“Why would I do that when I want to stare at my pretty girl?”

Sylus: (NSFW)

You turn him on easily so showering with him feels like he has a permanent hard on. Once you step in the shower, he’ll let you get warm and wet before he starts  rubbing up on you. He just loves the feeling of your bodies pressed against each other, especially since you both are wet.

Pins you against the glass door of the shower and takes you from behind. His right hand finds your breast, squeezing them and pinching your hardening buds in the warm water while his left hand is on the plush of your ass. Sometimes he'll press you up against the wall and have your legs wrapped around him so you don't slip, just let him do all the work as he ruts into you

[babyjinsu]

˗ˏˋ ꒰ paparazzi ꒱ ˎˊ˗

sunghoon x idol fem!reader || 4.3k

౨ৎ consensual sex, stalking, one mention about starving (oh you know idols...), non-consensual pictures taking (non-sexual), reader is lowkey depressed, slight angst if you squint, alcohol, loss of virginity, cumshot, sunghoon cums on your face, he's a creep, death, drowning, probably more but i don't know how to tag this...

sunghoon thought your biggest mistake was auditioning at a newly-built company, instead of a popular one just because they were controversial. 

the industry loves controversy. they fed on it. you thought you were being clever—thought you were avoiding the long lines of future idols at the big names. you didn’t realise a no-name company wouldn’t fight for you once things got hard. wouldn’t protect you. wouldn’t last. 

you looked like you haven’t slept for days. 

the company he worked under didn’t even know your name when his manager brought you up. you were just the center girl from a viral fancam—the clip got passed around in online forums not because of your dancing—but the way your top had slipped slightly and someone in the crowd had zoomed in too far. 

assigned, dispatched, paid. 

“group’s on its last leg,” he continued. “no official statement yet, but they’re disbanding pretty soon,” mr. baek hummed, his fingertips drumming against the wooden desk. “but some of the bigger companies are sniffing around. especially her.” 

sunghoon leaned in slightly, his eyes narrowed to look properly. you’re pretty—as expected from an idol. this girl had that something soft and severe at the same time. a pretty girl who didn’t know how pretty she was—the stylists didn’t do a good job in pushing you to your full potential look-wise. 

“name’s yn, i don’t think she uses any stage names,” his manager said, almost offhandedly. “she’s the one they want. not sure how this small company bagged her first. they said she’s got better offers lined up—and we want a portfolio for when she jumps.” 

“a portfolio?” 

“yeah. if she gets bought, the new company will pay a fortune for clean, rare shorts of her pre-transfer. nothing explicit—just some candid shots. you know the drill, park.”

sunghoon exhaled through his nose, his fingers pressed to massage his temples. it all sounded so dull and predictable and boring. “why not send one of the new guys?” he asked, shifting in his seat. “they’d love young idols to stalk. i specialised in scandals, not idol fluff shit.” 

his manager shrugged, placing a stick of cigarette between his two lips. “c’mon,” he chuckled. “they don’t have your eyes. you can get the kind of shots that feel intimate, ya know?” sunghoon stared at the image a little longer. you were standing slightly turned from the others, a hair’s breadth of space between you and your member. 

this was just one of the things sunghoon had to do in his field of work. at least, this was slightly easier than having to dig up information for a new scandal—this one’s just following around and pressing finger on the shutter. sounds easy enough. 

you didn’t even have any bodyguards around to protect you.

sunghoon hadn’t planned to take his job so seriously. it was supposed to be easy money.

but now, looking at you through his viewfinder—squatting on the curb and running your hand through your locks—sunghoon found himself pausing. 

you weren’t like the other idols sunghoon had seen on his coworker’s desks—you weren’t polished. messy, slipping through the cracks—pretty in a way that’s accidental. 

he held his breath without meaning to. your eyes darted to the side to fight the urge to cry, tiny tension creased between your brows. 

he zoomed in on your face.

a few strands of dyed hair clung to your lips, your eyes were red, skin dull and tired. sunghoon watched as you blinked slowly, like you were about to break in the prettiest way. 

click—

pretty, sunghoon thought again—but he didn’t mean solely your face. the expression of mixed vulnerability and defiance that you had on—the kind of attractive people missed if they solely looked for beauty.

sunghoon lowered the camera slightly, blinking against the residual imprint of your face on the viewfinder. his body didn’t move to leave just yet.

he took another shot just in case.

——

“hey, mr. baek’s calling for ya,” his coworker said. 

sunghoon sighed, “yea, okay.”

he already knew what the old man wanted—pictures, updates, progress shots of that sunghoon wasn’t slacking off.

mr. baek’s door was half-open. he barely looked up from his phone when sunghoon stepped in. 

“well?”

sunghoon forced a nod, sliding a usb across the desk. “got some shots outside of the studio, and a few from last weekend. she was out with the rest of the girls.” 

his manager finally looked up. “any buzz yet? forums? comments?”

“just some. fans said she looked tired.” 

“nice. you send those to min-kyu, he’s prepping a piece about underdogs making it out of flop groups. tragedy-porn.” he let out a chuckle like it’s funny, shaking his head before leaning it back against the headrest. 

back at his desk, sunghoon plugged in a backup drive and opened the folder titled—deliverables. the images were all tagged green, clean and safe. you laughing with your members, stylists pinning your outfit backstage—normal. pretty. usual.

but before transferring them, he paused.

his cursor hovered over another folder—one he hadn’t named yet. just a string of random numbers. inside were the other shots—

the raw ones. 

a silhouette behind cheap, sheer white curtains, your body just barely visible as you pulled your shirt over your head—the shape of your back, the roundness of your pretty covered breasts, the curve of your waist down to your hips, the slope of your neck—they were all visible to his eyes. 

your fingers combing through damp hair in a dimly-lit room, one where you had forgotten to properly bind your curtains together and leaving a tiny gap in between—just enough for sunghoon to see you applying lotion over your bare legs. 

the pictures weren’t taken on instinct. he’d waited. stood on the opposite rooftop for forty-five minutes in the wind with the shutter off and the light adjusted. these were chosen.

a sickness bloomed in the pit of his stomach every time he opened the folder. not guilt, for sure—but something hungrier. 

sunghoon knew he shouldn’t keep them—in fact, he should’ve given these ones instead to mr. baek—this was enough for sunghoon to receive his payment and move to another project, but no—

these pictures—they were just for his eyes.

 ——

you didn’t hear it from official mouths. the rumours slipped through cracks and half-whispers in makeup rooms and trailing after stylists’ side-eyes. they cling to the silence your manager gave when you asked too many questions.

“are we disbanding?” you’d said earlier that morning. the girls never asked except for you. 

your manager looked at you like you’d asked something ridiculous. “no one said anything about that, yn,” he replied, too quickly—with a roll of eyes. “let’s focus on the upcoming schedule, yeah?” 

but there was no upcoming schedule. there was no comeback, no showcase, no nothing. neither you nor the girls had brands booking or scheduled photoshoots. 

you couldn’t take it anymore. everything that you’ve worked for—the sleepless nights and the degrading stages, the stomach you had to starve flat to fit in extra extra small clothes. was that all for nothing? had your efforts gone down the drain like it meant nothing?

so you stood, and left the practice room. 

walking straight out the side exit of the building, you pulled your hoodie over your head. you didn’t bother with the mask or the sunglasses—you were a nobody anyway. not a normal citizen, nor anybody famous. just something in between, not belonging anywhere. 

and that’s how you ended up in a small, run-down bar—the kind that didn’t need cards or ask questions. just a counter, a couple of stools, and dull old rock songs humming through worn-out speakers. 

you slid into the farthest corner, tapping your fingertips against the wooden bar. you weren’t even sure what to order—you’ve never been here. but it didn’t matter, anything would do. you just needed something to sit on your tongue and keep your mind distracted. 

the bartender barely looked up to you when he took your order.

so irrelevant.

by the time you knew it, on your second drink, someone slid into the seat beside you. you didn’t look at him at first—just caught the way his sleeve brushed the counter, and the faint smell of his cologne. clean. expensive.

“run away?” he said after a moment, voice low and casual.

you slowly glanced at him from the corner of your eyes, barely turning your head. he had a black cap on, face angled down, his eyes half in shadow—but he didn’t look threatening. 

“is it obvious?”

he gave a slight shrug, lips curling like he was trying not to smile. “sunghoon.” 

you blinked, the name taking a second to settle. it’s a nice name—an even nicer face once you’ve had a good look at him. sharp nose, two moles on his face, thick-dark brows… if you weren’t an idol yourself, you would’ve mistaken him for one.

“okay,” you muttered, turning your glass slowly on the counter. “i’m not telling you mine.”

“that’s fine.” sunghoon chuckled, his lips curled into a teasing smile as he nodded his head.

he said he worked freelance, “in production”. you didn’t press, he didn’t ask about your either. that helped.

you weren't usually like this. you didn’t flirt with strangers and you didn’t talk like this—you blamed it on the alcohol. but tonight, your life didn’t feel like yours anyway. it was crumbling, any second now, it’d turn into nothing.

the two of you talked until the bar dimmed its lights, until your hands started brushing when you reached for your drinks. “i don’t wanna go home—” you told him. sunghoon didn’t offer a solution. he paid the tab, stood up, and—

”do you wanna go back to mine?”

——

you’re so soft in all the right places.

the thought pulses through sunghoon’s head like a fever dream—unshakeable. every time his hands move along your curve, it finds something new to worship. from the dip of your waist, the slope of your neck, the way your breath catches when he touches you like that. 

everything feels so overwhelming—you blame it on the alcohol. maybe it’s the way your body responds like it’s been touch-starved of warmth and comfort. of reassurance. maybe you needed this—an escape from the harsh reality that you might be a no-name when tomorrow comes. 

“fuck, baby,” sunghoon pulls away to catch a breather, his lips are swollen, eyes glassy, a string of saliva connecting the two of you. you’ve never been kissed the way he did, they were all innocent back when you were in high school. but this?

this man who hovers just enough above you pressed his mouth to yours like it would anchor him had the world burn down on you. it’s rough, too many teeth and tongue involved—but it doesn’t hurt.

your chest rises too fast. your limbs feel heavy, warm, boneless. it’s not just lust with sunghoon—it’s the weight of something else pressing against your ribs. 

sunghoon’s forehead rests against yours for a moment, his breath coming out shaky. you’re not sure what he’s seeing in you when he looks at you with that sharpness in his eyes. 

“mh,” you let out a soft moan as he latches his teeth onto your neck to leave marks and bites on them. his teeth graze the sensitive skin, slow and deliberate. you feel it—the faint bloom of pain beneath the heat. a mark, a bite, and another.

he doesn’t bother asking if he’s even allowed to—and you’re not about to tell him of your failing career. your failing idol career. frankly, the whole shit isn’t even occupying your mind at the moment. 

his mouth maps a trail along your throat like a brand, staking invisible flags in places no one else can touch—or even see. your fingers twitch against the sheet, head tips back instinctively, “oh—no, mh, not too much…”

sunghoon doesn’t pull away because you asked him to—he only pulls away to admire the damage like it’s art. your body’s a canvas, he’s the artist, and his teeth are paint and brush. “you’re so beautiful.” he praises, his chest rising in a soft, and slow manner. 

you shake your head, instinctively bringing your hands up to cover your flushed face. despite being an idol and so exposed to the public, you oddly feel more bare now than you ever have on stage. and it’s not because of the fact that you’re naked beneath him.

“no, don’t,” he says, his voice gentler now. sunghoon leans in to brush your hands away slowly. his eyes hold that shimmering awe like he can’t believe you’re real. as if he’s already catalogued every detail of you but still wants more.

“i don’t think you know you do to me.” he whispers, shifting and angling himself properly in between your legs. sunghoon’s hands trail down your thighs until he lifts your legs and places them gently around his hips.

his hand wraps around the base of his throbbing, pulsing cock with his pre-cum dripping down. sunghoon swallows down the lump in his throat as he watches your sweet, wet cunt twitching and pulsing. “‘m gonna fuck you deep now,” he says, looking down as his cock slides between your folds, smothering the head of his cock with your fluid. 

you nod—almost eagerly. you’re sure it’d be a tight fit, but you can’t bring yourself to care. “please be gentle,” you whine, feeling the tip of his cock brushing against your bundle of nerves. sunghoon doesn’t reply—he can’t assure you he’ll be the man you want him to be for the night; but he nods nonetheless. he can’t risk having you dip halfway.

slowly, sunghoon bucks in. he slides his cock inside of you, watching in awe and disbelief (in the best way possible) that he’s stretching open the pussy of the idol he stalks through his lens. through glass, fences, distance—whatever separates him from his subject. 

you don’t hold back from the sensual, whiny moan that leaves your lips—he’s long, and he’s big—you feel him against your velvety, slippery walls. “oh—oh my god, oh,” you breathe out, shutting your eyes tightly and tilting your head back. it’s almost painful how slow and gentle sunghoon’s going that your pussy aches for more. 

inch by inch, sunghoon buries his cock fully inside of your pussy, the head of his cock kisses your cervix. “fuckk,” he grunts, guttural sound deep in his chest as his shoulders drop—relaxing like he’s finally done it. your warmth washes over and spreads through him like something medicinal. he breathes in deep. 

“baby,” he groans, gripping the sides of your hips as he starts to buck his hips back and forth. you’re gripping around him like vice, like you don’t want to let go of him either. “hngh,” you moan, toes curling, back arching off the mattress as you writhe beneath him. it’s uncomfortable—the way sunghoon starts picking up his pace in fucking your virgin pussy.

he buries his cock deep in your cunt, and with each thrust, you feel his hips hitting yours, “fuck, you’re just so fucking pretty, aren’t you—?” sunghoon gazes down at your face, his eyes travel down to your body—the way your perky tits just bounce so prettily and so behavedly, then down at your glistening pussy welcoming him. he’s loving the sight of his cock sliding in and out of you. your juice coats his cock nicely, acting as a lubricant. 

he tugs on his bottom lip as he pounds into you, both your bodies slick with sweat despite the cold aircond—his nails take their turn to dig into your skin, gripping you tightly and ensuring you don’t move. 

not like you can anywhere—

“m, more! oh god,” you gasp, voice cracking at the edges. so lost in the sensation and pleasure you don’t even realise you’re crying. so overwhelming. tears slip from the corners of your eyes as your body’s short-circuiting from how much it feels. every system nerve of yours is alive, raw and sensitive.

sunghoon notices before you do. he always does. 

his pace falters, almost—for a heartbeat before it goes back faster. his gaze lifts to your face, watching the shine along your lashes. he brings his hands up, thumbs brushes your cheeks slowly, catching one tear. then another. 

“look at you,” he breathes, his voice low. “my pictures don’t do you justice.” sunghoon says as he buries his face into the crook of your neck. you don’t catch what he’s saying—not when he has his cock slamming hard and desperate against your cervix. his pace quickens, balls slapping against your skin with his rigorous pounding. 

you feel a bundle of nerves forming and spreading at the bottom of your stomach—from the way the bulge of his cock is visible through your abdomen. “‘hoon, sunghoon, you’re too deep—” you mumble, mind fuzzy and blurry. your walls clench around him, eyes shut in pure ecstasy. 

sunghoon doesn’t slow—he only continues to abuse your soft skin with his sharp and unforgiving teeth,  his mouth pressing against the blade of your shoulder, then your collarbone. each mark yells a silent declaration—that you’re his’.

your body twitches under him, overstimulated and strung out. he groans low in your ear. the way you’re contracting and fluttering around his cock, the delicious sound of your cries and whimpers confirms something—that it’s not enough to be inside you. he wants to be on you, under your skin, and etched into you. 

he’ll never be able to watch from behind the lens again. 

the hot pulsating sensations of your velvet walls squeezing his cock pushes sunghoon to his limit—by the looks of it, you are too. “fuck, pretty, i’m cumming,” he breathes out, hand travels down to fondle your clit lovingly. “yeah—please, i can’t take it anymore,” you squeal, tilting your head to the other side. 

his lips curl into a smirk as he slams his cock against your g-spot that has you seeing the milky way—toes curling, arms wrapping around sunghoon’s neck as he impales you with his cock. 

sunghoon loses his rhythm as his thrusts go sloppy, desperate cock twitching inside you. he thursts hard once, twice, three times, then four before grunting as he immediately pulls out before he bursts with his cum leaking out of your hole—he can’t have you going on hiatus for nine fucking months. not yet.

“fuck—” he groans, voice strained as he shifts forward. his knees plant on either side of your face, caging you in completely, the muscles in his thighs flexing under your fingertips. sunghoon aims his cock right at your face as he pumps and strokes rapidly with his hand. 

the first jets of his cum shot out violently and lands prettily on your face—then down to your chest. “fuck, fuck, fuck—” sunghoon moans as his cock throbs in his palm as he encapsulates his fingers around it. he gasps, body spasming as he releases all over your face—the final spurts of his semen. 

sunghoon’s chest rises and falls quickly, sweat beading along his skin as he tilts his head back. he lets out a groan out of satisfaction and pleasure. “wow that was…” when he looks down, his breath catches.

you’re still.

eyes closed, lips parted just slightly with a string of his cum in between your parted lips. your face flushed and damp with heat and his semen. it’s caught in your lashes, brows, and some on your hair. so pretty. so fucked and fuckable.

he would’ve gone for a second round if you were conscious. 

“...yn?” he says, more to himself than you. his hands hovers over your cheek, spreading his cum across your cheek. you don’t respond. sunghoon lets out a soft chuckle and shakes his head. you’re so pretty like this too. 

sunghoon just watches your for a stretched-out moment—his breath shallows. 

then slowly, he lifts his hands.

thumb and index fingers curl into L-shapes, mirroring each other—framing your cum-stained face like a camera lens. 

the way you look now, under him is a once-in-a-million-years type of view. the way his lovebites red-and-purple litter along your soft skin—proof of belonging, and his cum splattered on your face too.

his eyes squint slightly, head tilting as if he’s adjusting a focus that isn’t there. 

“...click,” he murmurs, barely audible as his fingers hold the frame steady around your face.

not in a playful manner—this isn’t innocent. 

sunghoon stares through the invisible square like he’s committing you to his memory. slowly. he lowers his hand, but his eyes never leaving your face. 

“this one’s just for me,” he whispers, leaning down to place a soft, chaste kiss on your lips. 

he’s finally captured what he’s been chasing all along.

——

“park, you don’t need to take any more pictures,” 

the words drift over sunghoon like they weren’t about to rip out the only thing tethering sunghoon to sanity. he blinks, slow and he doesn’t answer right away.

“you listenin’?” he leans against the doorframe, arms crossed. “you’re good. it’s done! big company’s ready to buy the whole fuckin’ portfolio. good job, you did your job well.” he chuckles, shaking his head—the company’s stupid to fall into the scam.

sunghoon’s hand tightens on his mouse. he doesn’t feel the slightest sting of satisfaction he usually would. he’s promised to get paid higher this time—but there’s nothing left to chase in that sentence. he has no purpose. 

“...yeah, got it.” he mumbles. the back of his neck prickles. 

“mm, don’t waste more time on her,” his boss adds, not unkindly. just matter-of-fact. “look up on that rumour about some homewrecking bitch and that a-list actor,” he continues, rolling his eyes like he’s stressing out. he doesn’t even need to lift a finger for a living shit. 

move on.

sunghoon waits until his manager disappears down the hall before exhaling sharply through his nose, his knuckles whitening. 

move on?

he stares blankly at his screen. the article confirming of your group’s disbandment written by his colleague. 

move on—?

he’s so far past that point, it almost makes him laugh. 

——

you don’t think you’d see him for a second time. 

not after that night—after the way you left without giving your name, or anything about you. not after all the chaos that followed: disbandment. 

you don’t turn around immediately despite the crunch of gravel beneath sneakers. the river glimmers beneath the moonlight. 

“i figured you’d be here,” 

your breath catches. you know that voice. slowly, you turn, cheeks damp with tears. “sunghoon? how did you—?”

he just shrugs like it’s nothing. there’s a small smile on his face. “you okay?” he asks, feigning softness. his hands bury in his pockets as he makes his way towards you calmly. 

you let out a bitter laugh, wiping your face with your sleeve. “yeah,” you nod, flashing him an idol smile. the one they taught you in social etiquette classes—when you have to fake it. chin up, corners lifted, no teeth.

 but sunghoon knows better. he always does.

he steps closer. not too fast but enough to cross your boundary. “you deserve better,” he says softly.

your lips twitch. “of what?” 

sunghoon tilts his head, eyes scanning you with a gentleness that doesn’t quite reach the tension in his jaw. “of this. you’re not something to be tossed and bought.” your breath hitches—you don’t even know him like that. you don’t even know his family’s name.

“i’m fine,” you say, voice thinning. “really.” 

his gaze doesn’t move. “no, you’re not.”

you take a small back, arms instinctively wrapping around your body in defense. “who are you?” 

“sunghoon.” he replies, soft smile still in place. “you know that.” 

the weight of his words doesn’t match the lightness of his tone. 

“...how did you even find me?” you finally ask the question that’s edging at the end of your tongue. it slips out before you allow yourself to—suspicion breaking through fatigue. 

his smile falters for half a second. he thought you’d be happy to see him. “lucky guess,” he murmurs, rubbing the back of his neck. 

the river behind you murmurs. the moonlight outlines the curve, the slump in your posture. you’re crying and you’re messy—but to sunghoon, you’re glowing and you’re raw. 

he takes another step forward. 

“i don’t want them to have you,” sunghoon murmurs, eyes gazing down on his sneakers. 

“what?”

he’s too close and you can’t take another step back. 

“if you go to them,” he continues. “you’ll be more popular. more loved. bigger than anything this world’s ever seen.” 

you blink at him, unsettled. brows knitting in confusion—what’s he talking about? 

“they’ll see you the way i do,” sunghoon murmurs to himself. “then they’ll want you.”

he lifts his head up—eyes searching your face, reverently, like he’s memorising it for the last time. “...i can’t let that happen.” 

your body stiffens. “sunghoon—?”

the ground shifts beneath you—not by itself, but by the same pair of hands that held you full of love a few nights ago. 

a shove—just enough.

your heel slips against the damp stone at the river’s edge. you reach out instinctively, for balance—for sunghoon—but there’s nothing for your fingers to grasp. your voice doesn’t escape your lips.

the cold hits you first. not the water, but the realisation. 

then comes the actual one, the freezing, fast, and full current. 

it wraps around you like hands, engulfing and dragging you under like death. your limbs flail, panic quickly setting in, but the water’s too strong—that it rips your breath from your lungs in bubbles.

above the surface, sunghoon stands. 

he watches in silence. still. 

not an expression out of sorrow nor joy—but peace.

the water swallows you whole. hair fanning like dark ink. the river hums a low, hungry tune like it’s doing sunghoon a favour.

because now, no one else will see you the way he did. no cameras, no stage lights, and no other eyes. 

just him.

because now, you belonged to the quiet where nothing could make you shed a tear anymore.

and with one last look at the ripples softening across the river’s skin, sunghoon lifts his fingers—index and thumb in the shape of a frame—and whispers again, 

“...click.”

the last who ever got to see you.

💭 wow honestly i'm not too sure what to feel about this... it might be a little crappy since i haven't written smut in quite some time tbh... i feel like this is darker? omg i don't know please don't come at me :x i hope you guys enjoy... i really like this one... i really like writing consensual intercourse compared to non-consensual ones...

and something about whatever genre this is...? psychological horror or something... oh wow i'm lowkey stunned? not sure how and what to feel so please let me know what you guys feel about this! thank u for reading <3

as usual, comments, reblogs, and asks are so appreciated <3

[crowsofdarkness]

pairings: thunderbolts!bucky barnes x female!reader

Bucky reminds you who you belong to.

18+ cw's below the cut: kinda dominant!bucky, oral with both female and male receiving, fingerings, bucky making you clean his fingers.

I was in huge trouble. 

Big, big trouble. 

I was supposed to meet up with Bucky for our morning meeting at The New Avengers tower but we had an argument last night which caused me to spend the night at my old apartment. I still kept it even though I moved into the tower with the other Thunderbolts but only went when certain circumstances called for it. 

Like last night. 

I knew I couldn’t avoid Bucky forever so I sucked up the feelings of anger and remorse and headed back to the tower. The second the doors slid open and I stepped inside to the main area, a bunch of different eyes set on me. Yelena and Bob were off in the corner, Ava and John were once again bickering about something, and Alexi was eating a bowl of wheaties on the couch. 

However, I paid none of them any attention. My eyes were on Bucky who sat at the large conference like table, dark eyes pinning me in place while steepling his fingers underneath his chin. 

Not only did I stay away from him last night, I’d been ignoring his texts and calls. 

Before I could open my mouth to utter a hello, Bucky was on me like a hunter on prey with his hand wrapping around my wrist and pulling me down the hallway, away from everyone.

"What the fuck?" I snapped, completely taking off guard by his dominance.

But also very turned on. The damp spot on my panties was proof of it.

"Where the hell have you been?"

Bucky's voice was eerily calm which made me nervous.

"I-uh-I spent the night at my old place," I said.

Bucky's eyes flashed as he pressed his hips deeper into me, keeping me locked in place. I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek to keep the moan quiet because I didn't want Bucky to know how much his actions were turning me on.

"Why didn't you call or text me back?" he asked.

I narrowed my eyes on him. "I told you I needed space! You called me your girlfriend last night and I didn’t think we were at that point yet.” 

It was true. We’d been hooking up on the side every now and then but I wasn’t ready to put a label on it. 

My voice carried down the hall which earned a few stares from people working backstage so Bucky looked around before noticing a closet a few feet away from us. He pushed me towards it and soon we were encased in darkness, our heavy breathing the only sound echoing in the small space.

A faint light clicked on from above and I saw only a fraction of Bucky's tender yet hard features as he linked our fingers together to pull me into his chest. He towered over me so I had to crane my neck back to look up at him, his fire eyes burning deep into my soul.

"You don't think we're dating?" Bucky questioned.

I gulped before shaking my head. "No, we're not."

He hummed, brushing his nose against mine. "What do you call what we've done together then?"

I was careful to lick my dry lips, not wanting my tongue to brush against him.

"We hooked up, that's it. If you could even call it that. You got me off twice, no big deal," I lied with a shrug.

Bucky chuckled as he buried his face in my neck, his warm breath cascading over me as his hand gripped my throat, vibranium thumb on my pulse point.

Oh. Shit.

I squeezed my thighs together so hard I thought I would strain a muscle. I had every intention of ignoring Bucky, only focusing on work, but now with his hand around my throat and wetness pooling between my legs, I knew I was fucked.

Figuratively and possibly literally.

Hopefully literally.

With a gentle squeeze, Bucky forced my head to the side so he could get better access to my neck, him working to leave a red mark there. His teeth scraped and pulled causing a harsh moan to fall from my lips.

"This isn't dating?"

I went to shake my head but realized I couldn't do to his grip on me so instead, I let out a hushed no in response. With the hand still wrapped around my throat, Bucky's other hand brushed over the valley between my breasts, down my stomach, and slipped underneath the waistband of my leggings. Long fingers glided over my slit through my panties and I bucked my hips up into the touch, needing more.

"What about this?"

Bucky pushed two fingers past my panties and sunk deep into my pussy.

"Fuck," I groaned as the sensation of his fingers thrusting in and out in rapid pace ignited every cell inside of me.

"You said it meant nothing but what's this baby?"

He pulled his fingers out, the sudden emptiness making me whine. He smirked as he held up the two fingers under the light and my pupils dilated when I saw them glisten with my arousal coating the tattoos. Bucky brought them to my lips, his own pupils blown with lust.

"Lick," he demanded.

Something inside me burned other than arousal and I stood taller against him.

"Lick them yourself," I tossed back with a smug smile.

A muscle ticked in his jaw and he forced my mouth open with the hand around my throat and pushed his two fingers past my lips.

"Be a good fucking girl and lick them clean."

My pussy clenched around nothing and suddenly wanting to obey because of the praise, I wrapped my tongue around his fingers and licked up my arousal. I didn't even cum but his fingers were soaked. Bucky's chest vibrated in approval when he pulled his fingers out, a loud pop echoing in the confined space.

"On your knees," his hand left my throat to push me down.

Not wanting to disobey again, I fell to my knees and gazed up at him through my lashes. Bucky cupped my cheek and brushed his thumb over my bottom lip.

"You did so good sucking my fingers. Why don't you do that to my cock?"

The base of my spine ignited with warmth at his words and I made quick work of undoing his pants, the outline of his hard dick pressing, almost begging, to be released from his briefs. I gazed back up at Bucky, a silent question he answered with a nod.

I pushed down his pants and briefs to mid thigh and watched as his cock bounced free, slapping against his thigh.

"Oh, God." I licked my lips at the sight of it.

"There's no god here, baby. Just us," Bucky guided the head of his cock towards my mouth, pre-cum spilling out from the slit. "Open."

Not wanting to waste another second, I took in as much as I could, nearly gagging on the length of it. Bucky tasted so fucking delicious and whatever I couldn't fit in my mouth, I wrapped my fingers around it. While my head bobbed up and down his length, sucking as I went, my hand squeezed and pulled. At one point, I hollow my cheeks so I could take even more of him. Bucky's hands had a death grip in the strands of my hair and the burn at my scalp made me moan which vibrated against his cock.

"So good." He purred. "Oh shit, right there."

I pressed my tongue on the underside of him, right below the head, and my body vibrated with his praise. The wetness between my thighs was now warm and sticky, my clit begging to be touched so I went to slip a finger in my leggings but Bucky's harsh voice stopped me.

"Don't you fucking do it. You walked away from me, Y/N so you don't get to cum."

My nails dug into the skin of his thigh, making him hiss in pain, but his grip was so tight on my scalp that I wasn't able to pull off of him to argue. I was so close that just a few short circles against my clit would be enough to tip me over the edge.

"You're mine." He enunciated each word with a thrust.

"Mhmm," I hummed.

His breath was erratic. "I'm yours, baby."

This time I nodded, working harder to make him come undone.

Bucky's body tensed and when I looked up at him, his head had fallen back and lips were parted. Sheer ecstasy radiated off of him and it made me want to make him fall apart for me. My tongue circled the head of his cock while my hand now played with his smooth balls and Bucky bit out a strand of curses.

"Fuck. I'm gonna-," he uttered.

I moaned over his cock, edging him on, and with a loud groan Bucky spilled himself deep in the back of my throat

"Every. Last. Drop," he demanded with languid thrusts into my throat.

I did, greedily.

With his grip still in my hair, he yanked me off of him to my feet and I wiped away the drool with the back of my hand. Bucky lifted me on top of a set of crates in the closet and kicked my feet apart so he could spread me wide for him. I leaned all of my weight back on my hands and lifted my hips when he began clawing at my leggings working to take them off.

"Bucky," I whined. "Don't tease me, please."

His intense gaze flashed up at me. "I had every intention of not letting you cum but now I want to taste you on my tongue when I make you fall apart."

Bucky Barnes will be the death of me.

He slipped me out of both my leggings and panties, leaving me bare in front of him. My knees instinctually pressed together to hide from him but his large hands forced them apart, leaving bruising marks there.

"No. You don't get to hide from me. Anything. Alright?"

I let out a soft whimper, knowing when he said anything, he truly meant that; anything. I could tell him things I was afraid of and he wouldn't judge me or run away. Bucky didn't want me to hide from him and after this moment, I wouldn't.

Not anymore.

Seeing the answer on my face, Bucky yanked me closer to the edge of the crates then leaned down on his knees becoming eye level with my drenched pussy.

"Fuck," his breath fanned over it. "It's so pretty.”

My nails dug into his scalp to force him closer to me; I was aching for some kind of friction, almost begging for it.

"Please, Bucky. I can't," my voice sounded wrecked.

His tongue darted out to lap at my clit, and I almost came. Bucky licked from my clit, down the entire folds of my entrance and when he speared his tongue into me, I cried out his name.

"Say it again," he ordered.

"Bucky," I rasped.

He replaced his tongue with two fingers, going knuckle deep, while his tongue attacked my clit in such an assault I raised off of the crates trying to create some distance. Bucky's free hand held me down with a hand on my stomach before sliding up underneath my shirt and bra to pinch and pull on my nipples.

This was it; the dam was about to burst, my orgasm so fucking close to crashing through my entire soul.

Bucky's fingers pumping in and out, his tongue ruthless licks on my clit, and him rolling my nipple between his thumb and finger was enough for me to strangle out his name in a prayer, my orgasm causing my body to quake underneath him. When the aftershocks began to fade is when Bucky finally pulled away, my cum coating his lips and jaw.

With my hand gripping his forearm, I pulled him up while I met him halfway, legs wrapping around him and I smashed my lips to his. Bucky didn't miss a single second of the kiss, him immediately forcing his tongue in my mouth so I could taste myself. I groaned in the most intense, teeth clattering, tongue dancing, lips bruising kiss I'd ever experienced. Bucky kissed me like a man starved and I was his last meal.

Finally, needing to take a breath, I pulled away and rested my forehead against his.

"Wow," was all I said because after everything that just happened, the kiss was the most knee buckling one.

Bucky beamed at me before laying another quick peck on my lips. "I've wanted to do that for so long."

I brushed the hair out of his eyes and nodded. "Me too."

His eyes had softened back to their normal brown as he linked our hands together. “I never meant to scare you last night. I just meant it as you’re it for me. I don’t want anyone else but you, okay?”

"Okay," I murmured with a slight smile. 

He gently helped me off the crates and once on my feet, Bucky pulled up my panties then my leggings as I brushed my shirt back down to cover my stomach. He must have tucked his cock back into his pants without me knowing cause he shut the light of the closest and pulled me back into the brightly lit hallway. I blinked a few times so my eyes could focus and when they did, I noticed a few people standing in front of us. .

"We were wondering where you two headed," Yelena said with a very smug smile on her lips, her arms crossed over her chest. 

My cheeks burned red as Bucky wrapped an arm around me to pull me into his chest. "Sorry, we got a little distracted."

Alexi let out a deep belly chuckle. "Well, we have a meeting in two minutes. Are ya ready?” 

"Oh fuck," I muttered. "How long were we in there?"

Bob ruffled my hair before walking away with Yelena and Alexi. "Awhile"

Bucky held me back for a few beats to place a chaste kiss on my lips, one I eagerly returned. “Worth it.” 

[mcrdvcks]

fantasize

chapter summary: You have a crush on Logan, but you're not sure he likes you back. Why would he? You're not his type. At least that's what you thought.

word count: 2.4k+

pairing: Logan Howlett x fem!reader

notes: here was the request

so i took a tad bit of creative freedom since i read a book on my kindle (that i got for christmas, one of the only good things about that day). it's a holiday romance/comedy book called 'good elf gone wrong' that you can read if you have kindle unlimited

anyways i took some inspiration from that book and applied it here, so i hope you enjoy it! and thank y'all for 900 followers!

warnings/tags: implied curvy!reader, slight angst, fluff, kinda protective!logan

The Danger Room was quieter than usual, with most of the team taking the rare free evening to relax or catch up on personal projects. Logan had been in there for a while, his gruff voice occasionally echoing out as he muttered to himself between sessions. The clang of metal on metal and the occasional snarl punctuated the stillness, but it wasn’t long before he stepped out, towel slung over his shoulder and a half-empty bottle of water in hand.

You were walking down the hall, carrying a box of supplies Hank had asked you to grab from the storage room. The box wasn’t heavy, but it was awkward, making it hard to see where you were going. You nearly bumped into Logan as he came around the corner.

“Whoa, easy there,” he said, steadying the box with one hand before it could topple.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, shifting it to your hip to get a better grip. “Hank needed these for his lab. Guess I should’ve watched where I was going.”

Logan smirked, leaning casually against the wall. “You’re always doin’ stuff for people, huh? Gotta learn to say no once in a while.”

“It’s fine,” you replied quickly. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Hmm,” Logan said, his tone somewhere between a grunt and genuine amusement. He stepped back to let you pass. “Well, don’t let McCoy bury ya in work. You’ve got your own stuff to handle too, y’know.”

You smiled faintly. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Logan watched as you disappeared around the corner, his brow furrowing slightly before he shook his head and headed off toward the kitchen. He wasn’t one to meddle in other people’s lives, but something about you always made him pay a little more attention.

---

“Hey, would you mind making 50 copies of this? I need it for my class in 2 hours but I have a meeting with the Professor.” Jean said, holding a single piece of paper, some activity for her class.

Even though you were cleaning the kitchen because Scott asked you to, and you had to fix the sprinkler system since Ororo couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it, you obliged. “Yeah, sure!” you replied, taking off your gloves you were using to clean to grab the paper from Jean to put in your small tote for later.

It was later in the evening when you finally got a moment to yourself. The mansion had settled into its usual rhythm of quiet chaos, and you found yourself in the rec room, curled up on one of the oversized chairs with a book. The soft hum of conversation and distant clatter of dishes in the kitchen made the space feel alive but not overwhelming.

Logan walked in, towel around his neck and hair damp from a shower. He gave you a quick nod before heading to the fridge to grab a beer. As he twisted off the cap, he turned to you, leaning back against the counter.

“You’re always workin’, doll. Don’t you ever sit down and let someone else handle it?”

You looked up from your book, smiling faintly. “I’m sitting now, aren’t I?”

He chuckled, taking a swig of his beer before sauntering over to the chair opposite you. “Guess that counts. What’re you readin’?”

You held up the book to show the cover. “Just something light. Needed a break.”

Logan raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical but not unkind. “You? Takin’ a break? That’s a first.”

“It happens,” you teased, marking your page and setting the book down on the armrest. “What about you? You’re always either in the Danger Room or off somewhere on your bike.”

“Gotta keep busy,” he said with a shrug. “Helps keep my head straight.”

You nodded, understanding the unspoken weight behind his words. Logan wasn’t one to open up easily, but you’d learned to read between the lines.

“Fair enough. I guess we’re both bad at just sitting still,” you said.

He smirked. “Yeah, but at least I don’t let people walk all over me while I’m at it.”

You rolled your eyes playfully. “Here we go.”

“I’m just sayin’, sweetheart. You’ve got a good heart, but it’s okay to say no once in a while.” His tone was softer this time, less teasing and more genuine.

You looked down, fiddling with the edge of your book. “I don’t mind helping. Besides, it’s not like I’ve got anything else pressing to do.”

Logan leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees as he looked at you. “That’s not the point. You deserve time for yourself, too. Don’t let these jokers make you forget that.”

You smiled, a warmth blooming in your chest at his concern. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You better,” he said, leaning back again and taking another sip of his beer. “‘Cause if I catch you runnin’ yourself ragged again, I might just have to step in.”

“Oh, really? And what would that look like?” you asked, amused.

“Let’s just say it’d involve you sittin’ in that chair for more than five minutes without someone askin’ you to fix somethin’.”

You laughed, the sound light and genuine. “Alright, deal. But only if you promise to do the same.”

He raised his beer in a mock toast. “Deal, doll.”

For a moment, the two of you sat in companionable silence, the noise of the mansion fading into the background. Logan’s presence was steady, grounding in a way you hadn’t quite expected when you first met him. It wasn’t hard to see why you’d grown to like him so much—even if he didn’t realize it.

As you picked up your book again, you caught him watching you out of the corner of your eye. When your eyes met, he just smirked and shook his head, muttering something under his breath before finishing his beer and heading out. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself, the moment lingering long after he was gone.

---

You and Ororo were making dinner, her stirring food on the stove while you cut up chicken at the counter. The kitchen smelled warm and inviting, the quiet hum of activity making it a relaxing space to chat.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Logan lately,” Ororo said, her tone light but curious.

You paused mid-slice, glancing at her with a small smile. “He’s been around, yeah. We just… talk sometimes.”

“Mmhmm,” she replied, stirring the pot without looking at you. “And you don’t think that means something?”

You shook your head, laughing softly. “No, Ro. Logan talks to everyone—well, kind of. It’s not like I’m special or anything.”

She turned to look at you, raising an eyebrow. “Are you sure about that? Because the way he looks at you sometimes…”

“What way?” you asked, feeling a warmth creep into your cheeks.

Ororo set down her spoon and crossed her arms, leaning back against the counter. “Like you’re the only person in the room. Like he actually wants to be around you—which, let’s be honest, is rare for Logan.”

You snorted, trying to brush off the comment. “He’s just… nice to me, that’s all. He probably feels sorry for me because I’m always running around doing things for everyone.”

“Nice? Logan?” Ororo gave you a pointed look. “That man growls at people for breathing wrong. He’s not just ‘nice.’”

You opened your mouth to respond, but the words caught in your throat. Could she be right? You’d always thought Logan’s kindness was just him looking out for you the way he did for everyone on the team, even if it seemed a little… different sometimes.

“Even if you’re right,” you said finally, “I don’t think he thinks about me like that. I’m not exactly his type.”

Ororo frowned, clearly unimpressed. “And what makes you think you’re not his type?”

You gestured to yourself vaguely. “Come on, ‘Ro. He’s this tough, no-nonsense guy, and I’m—”

“Amazing,” Ororo interrupted firmly. “You’re amazing. And if Logan doesn’t see that, then he’s a fool. But from where I’m standing, it seems like he does.”

You sighed, setting down the knife and leaning your elbows on the counter. “I don’t know. I just… I don’t want to make things awkward, you know? If I say something and I’m wrong, it could mess everything up.”

Ororo placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. “I get it. But sometimes, you’ve got to take a leap of faith. You deserve to be happy, and if Logan makes you happy, it’s worth the risk.”

Unbeknownst to either of you, Logan had wandered into the hall just in time to catch the tail end of the conversation. He leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, his brow furrowed as he listened.

“I’ll think about it,” you said softly, returning to the chicken.

“You do that,” Ororo said with a knowing smile, turning back to the stove.

Logan cleared his throat as he stepped into the kitchen, startling both of you. “Smells good in here.”

“Oh!” You nearly dropped the knife, your heart racing. “Hey, Logan. Didn’t hear you come in.”

“Didn’t mean to sneak up on ya,” he said, his tone casual. His eyes lingered on you for a moment before flicking to Ororo. “You got room for one more?”

Ororo smirked, glancing between you and Logan. “Always. But only if you’re willing to set the table.”

Logan chuckled. “Fair enough.” He grabbed some plates from the cupboard, his movements unhurried but purposeful.

You tried to focus on the chicken, but your hands felt clumsier than usual under his gaze. Ororo shot you a sly look before turning her attention back to dinner, leaving you and Logan to fall into an easy, if slightly charged, silence.

---

Logan, for the first time in a long time, was clueless about what to do. He almost felt like a teenager, walking around with a secret—perhaps not-so-secret—crush.

To make matters worse, in the following days when he thought he had gathered himself to tell you how he felt, you flashed him a smile and all his previous thoughts went out the window. Logan found himself retreating to the Danger Room more often, grumbling under his breath about how he wasn’t built for this kind of thing.

One evening, after a particularly long day of running errands and fixing half the mansion’s quirks, you were in the rec room folding towels that had piled up in the laundry. Logan walked in, pausing in the doorway when he saw you. He frowned, his grip tightening around the beer in his hand.

“You’re kiddin’ me. Again?”

You looked up, startled. “What?”

“That,” he said, gesturing to the stack of towels. “You’re always doin’ somethin’ for everyone else.”

“It’s not a big deal,” you said, shrugging. “It needed to get done.”

Logan let out a low growl of frustration and set his beer down on the coffee table. He crossed the room in a few strides and grabbed the towel you were folding out of your hands, tossing it onto the pile. “Enough.”

“Logan, what are you doing?” you asked, startled.

“Savin’ you from yourself,” he replied, his tone firm but not unkind. “Sit.”

You blinked at him, caught off guard by the sudden intensity. “What?”

“I said sit, doll,” he repeated, pointing to the couch. “You’re takin’ a break whether you like it or not.”

Reluctantly, you sank onto the couch, watching as he grabbed a towel and started folding it himself. “You don’t have to do that,” you said.

“Yeah, well, neither do you,” he shot back, not looking at you.

You crossed your arms, feeling both touched and mildly annoyed. “I don’t see what the big deal is. I like helping.”

“You like helpin’ so much you forget to take care of yourself,” he muttered, finishing one towel and moving onto the next.

“That’s not true,” you protested.

Logan finally looked at you, his hazel eyes piercing. “Yeah, it is. You’re runnin’ yourself into the ground, sweetheart. And for what? So McCoy doesn’t have to walk ten feet to grab his own damn supplies?”

You opened your mouth to argue but stopped. He wasn’t entirely wrong. “It’s just… easier to say yes than to make a fuss,” you admitted.

“Easier for them,” he countered. “Not for you.”

You sighed, sinking further into the couch. “Why do you care so much?”

Logan’s hands stilled, and for a moment, he didn’t answer. Then he set the towel down and turned to face you fully, his expression unreadable. “Because I like you, that’s why.”

Your breath hitched. “What?”

“You heard me,” he said, his voice quieter now but no less firm. “I like you. And it drives me nuts watchin’ you run yourself ragged for people who don’t appreciate it.”

You stared at him, your mind racing. “Logan…”

“Look, I ain’t good at this kinda thing,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “But I know what I feel. And what I feel is that you deserve better than this.”

You felt a warmth rise in your chest, a mix of disbelief and something else—hope. “I didn’t think… I mean, I thought you just saw me as some pushover,” you admitted.

He snorted. “A pushover? Nah. You’re tougher than you give yourself credit for. But that doesn’t mean you gotta carry everyone else’s weight all the time.”

You bit your lip, unsure of what to say. Logan took a step closer, crouching down in front of you so you were eye level. “You don’t gotta say anything, doll. Just… promise me you’ll start puttin’ yourself first for once.”

You nodded slowly. “Okay. I’ll try.”

He gave you a small smile, one that made your heart flutter. “Good.”

Before you could overthink it, you leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. Logan froze, his eyes widening slightly as he looked at you. “What was that for?”

You shrugged, feeling bold for the first time. “For caring.”

A slow grin spread across his face, and before you knew it, he was leaning in, his hand coming up to cup your cheek as he kissed you—gentle at first, then deeper, more sure. When he finally pulled back, you were both breathless.

“That… was overdue,” he said, his voice low and a little rough.

You laughed softly. “Yeah, maybe a little.”

Logan smirked, his thumb brushing over your cheek. “Guess I’ll have to stick around more. Make sure you’re takin’ those breaks.”

“Oh, is that what this is about?” you teased.

“Part of it,” he said with a wink. “The other part… well, we’ll figure it out.”

And for once, you let yourself believe that maybe, just maybe, you deserved to be taken care of too.

[inkskinned]

it isn't really complicated, but i still can't tell my grandma about it. my girlfriend is also my boyfriend and i'm her girlboyfriend and there are a lot of days this feels like smoothing sheets over a good mattress. it feels like getting a cup of good hot chocolate. we paint our nails lesbian flag pink, and i watch her eyelashes make shadows on her cheeks. she wants to kiss me because i am really good at baking, and i want to kiss her because when i am freaked out about how i spilled coffee, she just hands me extra napkins and helps me clean. he is so handsome i want to eat my fist. they once just winked at me and i couldn't talk for like the next fifteen minutes.

i haven't seen the L word and i was raised catholic. my earliest experiences with queer relationships were through harrowing conversations and hushed questions and blood on the ground. i didn't like boys soon enough. what, are you gay? asked to a 6th grader, almost like a demand.

when she is asleep next to me and i can feel the dreams run up and down her body, i pretend we are both somewhere in the stars. i like to picture a future full of fruit trees, and writing him poetry. sometimes she wakes up, has a whole conversation with me, goes back to sleep, and utterly forgets that we ever even spoke. she is always kind to me, even in that liminal half-there ghost. i like the croaked, raw way her voice sounds in the very-early morning, the way she always seems surprised i'm still here, and home.

on the internet, there are a lot of people who would be annoyed by both of us, and how labels must be pruned into orchids. a box has to hold and define the insides. people must be organized.

we went on a date last night, and the host said, oh, table for 2 nice ladies? neither of us are ladies, but also we are very much 2 nice ladies. i have been wearing her sweater nonstop. he has frequently been forced into wearing my taylor swift official merch quarter-zip because i was worried about him catching a chill, and you simply cannot be cool in an official taylor swift quarter-zip. do not worry: they listen to better music than i do, and their voice sounds like leaves falling.

i wear the skirts and makeup and i am better with spackle and know how to drive stick. recently someone commented on my work - you're just a man trying to reappropriate lesbian spaces. sometimes i feel like she is a clementine to me, and sometimes i feel like he is a german shepherd and sometimes i feel they are a bird. i like watching his hands over a guitar. can i write this poem, even? how can you be a lesbian if you're sometimes with a man? or you are the man?

how can i, huh. you know, our first date lasted 3 days. we'd been flirting for over a year before i finally asked her out. i'd already written her into poetry. she'd already written me into songs.

last night, in the late night, when they woke up again, confused about where they were, they said - oh, thank god. this is your arm. there's just something so precious to me about the specifics, the denotation that the arm was (thank god!) mine. i really liked that definition. i liked the obvious relief because i understand it.

i say yeah, i have a partner. i mean - oh. thank god. it's your arm.

[honeytonedhottie]

what my maintenance days have been looking like⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🪞🎀

i do a lot of my maintenance at home but i also get a some of my maintenance done outside of home. i'll make sure to include the spacings of each of these things as well, this is my general schedule to keep me looking and functioning my best…💬🎀

THE SCHEDULE ;

my maintenance days are every other sunday cuz that’s what’s most sustainable for me. it gives me time to reset without burning out or doing too much. it’s the perfect lil refresh every two weeks, i feel brand new by the time i’m done.

MY NAILS ;

so for the summer im giving my nails a bit of a break, if im going to an event or going on a trip i'll just do press ons but im rly prioritizing the health of my nails. SOO i've been keeping my cuticles clean and oiled, shaping my nails and doing soaks every weekend. i soak my nails in a mix of lemon juice, water and olive oil and thats been working rly well for growth and strength of my nails.

i still get regular pedicures though because i always love to have my feet cute and soft and done. i get pedicures 1-2x a month. so since i only have maintenance days 2 times a month i'll typically schedule a pedicure once that month at my go-to salon.

PRO TIP : having a go-to salon is SUCH a fab touch. it just makes the whole pedicure experience better when you have that loyalty and connection. like the nail ladies know you, know your style, and it just feels more personal and luxe…💬🎀

MASSAGES AND SAUNAS ;

this is one of my favorite parts of my maintenance day, and the only other thing i book an appointment for. and honestly one of the most important. massages and saunas are about releasing tension, improving circulation, and detoxing your body. like yes, they’re relaxing, but they’re also so deeply restorative.

i usually book a full body massage once a month, sometimes two if i’m feeling tight or sore. i prefer swedish massages because they’re gentle but super effective. they help with bloating, water retention, and stress, and i always leave feeling lighter (mentally and physically). for lymphatic drainage i do that myself following this video and its super effective.

i aim to do an infrared sauna session every other maintenance day (so about once a month). infrared saunas go deeper than traditional ones, and they’re amazing for detoxing, clearing up your skin, improving sleep, and even boosting your mood. i usually go in for 30-40 mins with my hair up in a claw clip, a big ice water, and a cute robe.

PRO TIP ; stay hydrated! drink lots of water before and after your sauna + massage to flush out toxins and stay healthy, also dont use the sauna on an empty stomach but u dont wanna be too full either. having a light snack before will prevent u from being lightheadedn…💬🎀

WHITENING STRIPS ;

i use the guru nanda whitening strips once a week and these work SO well without being so harsh on my teeth. cuz a lot of these whitening strips r just filled with chemicals and are just too strong and are harmful in the long run. guru nanda isn't so strong that its overbearing but they are effective in the long run. typically what i like to do is put some on my teeth before an everything shower (which we'll get into later) and just leave it on for the whole shower which is about 45 minutes to an hour. then i'll brush my teeth as usual ad voila.

BROWS ;

im actually super fortunate that i have a rly good friend who shapes and trims my brows FOR me and she always does such a good job. this costs me nothing and they always end up looking flawless, i rly hope she pursues a career in cosmetology cuz she's amazing. i dont do it myself cuz its one of those things that if i fuck it up, i fuck up my whole face and im NOT with that. i have shaky hands so i just leave it to her.

MY HAIR ;

in my everything shower i'll do a hair mask that'll sit for the day. oftentimes something homemade thats for hair health and growth and i'll wash it off in the shower. double cleansing with shampoo ALWAYS and then condition as usual. if my hair is in need of a trim i can do that myself and that adds to the overall health of my hair. some of my favorite store-bought hair masks to use if i need it is the fino premium touch hair mask, i've also been loving the gisou hair mask. the packaging is so CUTE and it smells like honey.

DETOXIFYING SKIN ;

i start off by using my facial steamer i got off of amazon, just to open up my pores and get them ready for some detoxification. and then i'll wash my skin with some cetaphil gentle cleanser. then i'll use my aztec facial clay mask and then i'll finish off with my toners, serums, etc. after the clay mask i like to go in with a milky toner like the rhode cleansing milk and a nice thick moisturizer and im done.

TO CLOSE OFF ;

my maintenance days r so important to me bcuz they’re how i show myself that i’m invested in me. like i’m taking the time to take care of me and that means something. it’s calming, it’s grounding, and it just reminds me that i deserve to pour into myself too. 💕

[ghostedbyalex]

don’t go, not tonight - agatha harkness x reader

summary: Christmas Eve. A snowstorm. You weren’t expecting to spend the night with your ex-wife… but here she is — as infuriating, charming, and impossible to ignore as ever. Some things never change. Some… never really ended. | words: 5k (apprx)

warnings: Heavy tension; exes with unresolved feelings; suggestive smut (non-explicit); intimacy; passive-aggressive bickering; divorce angst; modern no powers AU; minor language; mutual pining.

main masterlist | marvel masterlist | part two

-x-

You weren’t expecting the doorbell.

Not tonight. Not with the snow coming down in heavy, lazy flakes and the street already covered in a quiet white blanket. William had texted barely an hour ago—just got to Teddy’s! they have hot chocolate AND matching pajamas lol—and you'd smiled, actually smiled, for what felt like the first time all week.

Everything was supposed to be settled. Calm. Predictable.

So when you open the door and see her, your entire body tightens.

“Agatha?”

She blinks at you, startled—though not as startled as you are. Her hair is slightly damp from the snow, dark curls tucked beneath a beret that would’ve looked ridiculous on anyone else. She’s wearing that navy coat you used to steal in the mornings when she left too early for work. Her cheeks are pink, eyes tired, and still, somehow, she smirks.

“Evening,” she says, like this is normal. Like she didn’t just explode your entire evening with one unexpected visit. “You’re looking very... festive.”

Your sweater has reindeer on it. You resist the urge to fold your arms across your chest.

“What are you doing here?” you ask. “William’s not home.”

Agatha falters. “He’s not?”

You stare at her. “Are you serious?”

She sighs, brushing snow from her shoulder with exaggerated delicacy. “I thought—he was spending Christmas with me and New Year’s with you.”

“That was the original plan,” you say, voice tightening. “Then you said you’d be working straight through the holiday, and we all agreed he’d spend Christmas with Teddy’s family. You agreed. Weeks ago.”

She blinks, processing. “Oh.”

“Oh,” you echo, full of bite.

Agatha shifts on her feet, suddenly looking very human and a little embarrassed. “Things have been insane at the firm. I must’ve... missed that.”

“Missed the texts or missed being a functioning adult?”

That earns you a sharp look—but no retort. She exhales, watching her breath fog up in front of her like even that is trying to avoid confrontation.

You should close the door. You should let her freeze in her own mess for once.

But the snow’s getting heavier, and there’s something in her eyes—soft, worn-down, real—that knocks against your ribs. You hated loving her. But you loved her hard. That kind of thing doesn’t vanish just because it hurts.

“Come in,” you say, against better judgment. “You can dry off. Then leave.”

Her smirk returns—smaller this time, but real. “How generous.”

You step aside. “Don’t push it.”

Agatha walks in, trailing cold air and old memories behind her. You close the door, and suddenly the quiet of Christmas Eve feels a lot less peaceful.

The living room smells faintly of cinnamon and clean laundry. The heater hums softly. And yet, with Agatha standing in the middle of it all, snow melting onto the hardwood, you feel like you’ve stepped into enemy territory.

Or worse—familiar territory.

She slips off her coat like she still owns the space, drapes it over the arm of the couch, and makes a slow circuit toward the fireplace, touching things she shouldn’t: a framed photo of William and Teddy at the pumpkin patch, a half-burned candle, the throw blanket you always kept folded a certain way.

“You rearranged the furniture,” she notes casually, then glances back at you. “I liked the couch by the window.”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes. “The draft was awful.”

Agatha hums. “Right. I forgot how sensitive you are.”

You cross your arms, half for warmth, half to stop yourself from doing something dramatic. “Do you want tea or something?”

“I’ll take coffee, if you’ve got it. Decaf.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Since when do you drink decaf?”

“Since my heart started racing every time I opened a work email,” she says, deadpan.

You snort—despite yourself—and head into the kitchen. From there, you can still hear her footsteps, the way they hesitate near the bookshelf, pause near the pile of opened mail on the dining table.

“You’ve been working,” she calls out, like it’s a revelation.

You glance at your laptop, still open on the kitchen counter, the blinking cursor accusing you silently from the half-finished paragraph.

“I have a deadline,” you reply, a little too quickly. “I’m submitting an article for the Review before the end of the break.”

“Of course you are.”

You glance back through the doorway and find her leaning against the frame like she belongs there. Like this is just a regular night in a life you don’t share anymore.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

She shrugs, smile lazy. “Just ironic. You used to lecture me about knowing when to disconnect.”

“That’s different,” you snap. “I never let work ruin my personal life.”

Agatha’s eyebrows lift, just slightly. “Mm.”

You turn back to the coffee, pressing the machine button harder than necessary. The silence she leaves in her wake is the kind that says everything.

When you finally hand her the mug, she takes it with a soft thank you and walks straight to the couch. Sits down. Crosses her legs. Just like she used to, as if the cushion remembers her weight.

You hover near the kitchen, unsure if sitting feels like surrender.

“You always kept this place so... warm,” she says after a sip. “Cozy. It still smells like you.”

You ignore the way your pulse stutters.

“You said it smelled like vanilla and unresolved expectations,” you remind her.

Her smile deepens. “Well. I wasn’t wrong.”

You bite the inside of your cheek. “Is this going somewhere?”

Agatha shrugs again, sipping her coffee, eyes fixed on the twinkling lights wrapped around the staircase bannister.

“Not really,” she murmurs. “Just... nice to be somewhere that feels real. Even if I don’t belong here anymore.”

You don’t answer.

Because if you do, the words might come out wrong.

Or worse—true.

You clear your throat, eyes on your half-finished document, not on the woman comfortably curled on your couch like she’s just visiting an old friend instead of an ex-wife - that still turns your stomach inside out with every sigh.

“You’re welcome to stay a bit,” you say, keeping your tone neutral. “Warm up. Wait out the snow.”

Agatha looks up, surprised, but not enough to hide it well. She gives a slight nod, as if you’d offered her a blanket instead of unspoken hospitality. “Thanks.”

You sit back at your desk in the corner, trying to will your focus back into place. The blinking cursor stares at you like a dare. Your fingers hover above the keyboard, then slowly begin to type. One sentence. Two. Delete. Rewrite.

Agatha settles into scrolling her phone, the sound of occasional taps and soft chuckles drifting across the room. Time slips strangely. Maybe an hour. Maybe two. The snow outside grows thicker, heavy flakes blanketing the windowsills and erasing the world beyond the glass.

You shift in your chair, trying to stretch your spine without groaning aloud. Your neck twinges—sharp from the awkward angle, the hours of tension hunched over a screen. You wince and roll your shoulders.

And then she’s behind you.

Before you can react, her hands are there—firm and warm, sliding over your upper back, her thumbs pressing gently into the knots beneath your shoulder blades. It’s muscle memory. Her touch. The way she used to wordlessly soothe you when words failed.

“Jesus—” you start to say, but it melts into a soft sound—something embarrassingly close to a moan as your head tips forward under the instinctive relief.

Agatha chuckles behind you. “Still got it.”

You freeze.

And suddenly, you’re too aware of everything—the heat of her palms, the way her fingertips lingered just a beat too long, the way your body reacted without your permission.

You jerk up from the chair, heart hammering, and put a few feet of distance between you and her.

Agatha lifts both hands in a lazy peace offering. “Hey—relax. It’s just a massage.”

You glare, pulse still racing. “You don’t get to just do that anymore.”

Her smile falters for the first time. “Right,” she says quietly. “Sorry. Habit.”

You don’t answer. You can’t. You’re too busy trying to ignore the tremble in your fingers and the fact that for one stupid moment, you forgot why she doesn’t live here anymore.

You cross to the window, arms tightly folded, desperate for an anchor. But all you see is a wall of white swallowing the street whole.

“It’s worse,” you mutter.

“What?”

“The snow. It’s coming down harder now. You’re not driving in this.”

Agatha joins you at the window, gaze tracking the same invisible path that you once drove together, late-night fast food runs and whispered arguments in the front seat.

“Huh,” she says. “Looks like I’ll be here a while.”

You don’t look at her. You just breathe.

Of course she will.

And of course part of you already knew.

The storm doesn’t let up.

You check the forecast once, then again. Then once more just to make sure you’re not losing your mind. But the warnings are all the same: Hazardous conditions. Stay indoors. Avoid unnecessary travel.

You resist the urge to scream into your mug.

Agatha has made herself at home again—not in the obvious ways, but in the small, treacherous ones. She lingers near you when she doesn’t have to. Her fingers brush yours when she reaches for the wine glasses. Her hip grazes your back as she squeezes past you in the narrow kitchen, even though there’s plenty of room. And every time you tense, she just smiles. That maddening, amused little smirk like she knows exactly what she’s doing.

She helps herself to your cabinets. Picks a record that she bought two years ago and plays it like it still belongs to her. The soft hum of jazz fills the room like warm smoke, and it’s not even ten minutes before you realize you’ve stopped typing entirely.

When you glance at her, she’s leaning against the kitchen counter, glass of red wine in hand, watching you over the rim with eyes that know you too well.

“This used to be your focus face,” she says. “The squint. The lip thing.”

You immediately stop doing the lip thing.

“I have a working face,” you reply, reaching for your tea instead of wine. “Not that you’d know. You barely let me finish a sentence without distracting me.”

Agatha laughs, low and knowing. “Well. Some of us are naturally distracting.”

You almost choked on your tea.

“God, seriously?” you say, setting the mug down hard enough to clink against the counter. “Are you always like this, or did you get worse after the divorce?”

“Depends,” she says, wandering closer again. “Am I getting to you?”

You stare at her, and the worst part is—she knows the answer before you can deny it.

Dinner is a reluctant truce. You throw together something simple—pasta and a jarred sauce—and Agatha insists on helping. Only, helping apparently means standing too close, bumping your arm with hers, brushing flour from your cheek like she still has that right.

She hums softly to herself while stirring, barefoot now, sleeves rolled, like this is just one more quiet night in your kitchen.

You grit your teeth and keep cooking. But your body betrays you—warming in ways it shouldn't, breath catching in your throat every time her skin finds yours, even by accident.

And by the time the dishes are done and the house has gone still again, you’re genuinely considering walking outside barefoot just to cool off.

The record has long stopped playing. The wine bottle is mostly empty. The windows are frosted over, and the heater kicks on again with a low sigh.

You sit on the edge of the couch, one knee bouncing, trying not to look at her.

Agatha stretches, then leans back into the cushions with a soft groan. “So. You gonna offer me the couch, or do I sleep in the bathtub?”

You exhale slowly. “You know the couch kills your back.”

She grins. “So generous tonight.”

“It’s not for you,” you snap. “It’s for my conscience.”

Her smile softens just enough to hurt. “Right.”

You don’t move right away. But eventually, you stand, rubbing the back of your neck, still sore from earlier. Still remembering her hands.

“The guest room’s made up,” you say, refusing to meet her eyes. “You’ll be here through Christmas at this rate.”

Agatha stands slowly, brushing past you again with that same unbearable calm, that same quiet weight. “Merry Christmas, darling,” she murmurs as she passes.

You flinch at the endearment—and at the way your traitorous body responds to it like a match to dry wood.

You don’t look back until she’s gone down the hallway, the door clicking softly behind her.

The house feels too warm. The storm rages outside. And all you can think about is how you let her in again.

Literally. Emotionally. Too far.

Steam curls in the bathroom mirror as you splash cold water on your face, trying to scrub off not just the exhaustion, but the heat clinging to your skin ever since she stepped through the door.

You don't hear her come in—but then again, you never really had to hear Agatha. She moves like memory: always present, always near, even when she shouldn’t be.

She slips in beside you like it's the most natural thing in the world, toothbrush already in hand. You catch her reflection just as she opens the drawer—her drawer—and pulls out a familiar travel-sized toothpaste. The kind only she ever used.

You freeze, water still dripping from your chin.

She notices your silence, glances over, then lowers the toothbrush slightly.

“What?” she says, too casually. “You kept this drawer.”

You say nothing.

Agatha shrugs, smiling to herself as she uncaps the tube. “Guess some habits die harder than others.”

The laugh she lets out is soft and low, almost fond—but it lands wrong in the narrow space between you.

Your stomach tightens.

You reach for the towel, pat your face dry, and without a word, you step out. Away from the heat. Away from her.

She calls your name, but you don’t stop until you’re in the hallway, heart pounding too loud in your ears. You’re halfway to your room when you hear her footsteps behind you, slower now. Less sure.

Agatha stops just outside your doorway.

You turn to face her before she can speak.

“What is this?” you ask, voice tired and flat and utterly done. “Seriously. What are you doing here, Agatha?”

Her brows lift, but there’s a flicker of guilt in her eyes. She opens her mouth—but all that comes out is a vague, “It’s snowing.”

You laugh, bitter and thin.

“Don’t,” you say. “Don’t insult me like that. I’m tired. It’s Christmas. Just—if you’re going to lie, at least make it worth the effort.”

Silence stretches long between you.

Agatha’s gaze drops for a beat. When she looks back up, some of that charm, that effortless confidence, has cracked around the edges.

She breathes in slowly through her nose, then lets it out.

“I knew William wasn’t here,” she says.

The words hang in the air, fragile and too loud.

“I saw the messages. Or… some of them. I got the gist. He was spending Christmas with Teddy. And I knew you’d be here. Alone.”

You stare at her, stunned. “You knew?”

Agatha nods, no smile this time. No smirk. Just the truth.

“I didn’t want to spend the night in my apartment. I didn’t want to be surrounded by silence and regret and ghosts of Christmases we didn’t survive. And I guess… I was hoping maybe you wouldn’t want that either.” She folds her arms, her voice quieter now. “So yeah. I came here on purpose. Not just because of the snow. Not just because I missed a few messages. I came because—” she hesitates, then finishes with a whisper, “—I didn’t want to be without you tonight.”

You blink once. Twice.

Your pulse hammers like it did hours ago. But this time, it’s not from lust. Not even anger.

It’s something deeper. Something raw and aching.

She stands there, waiting, like she’s bracing herself for the cold after stepping out into the storm.

You let the silence stretch just a second too long.

Then something in you snaps.

“Of course you didn’t want to be alone,” you say, your voice rising sharp and cold. “You never did. That was always the problem, wasn’t it? You hated being alone, but you also hated showing up. For me. For us.”

Agatha flinches, but you’re already moving, pacing a slow circle around the edge of your own anger, too far in to stop now.

“You chose work. Every damn time, you chose work. Missed school meetings, missed dinners, missed me. And every time I brought it up, you smiled like it was nothing. Like I was overreacting.”

“I was trying to build something for us,” she snaps back, finally. “I didn’t want you to have to worry about anything—”

“You didn’t want to worry.” You jab your finger toward her. “So you just vanished into your office with your shiny projects and your perfect assistant.”

Her jaw tightens. “Oh, God, not this again.”

“Yes. This. Again.” You laugh, harsh and hollow. “I know what I saw, Agatha. I know how you looked at her when you thought I wasn’t watching.”

“Nothing happened with Rio.”

“Maybe not physically,” you spit. “But I was already sleeping alone in our bed most nights. What difference would one more betrayal make?”

Agatha looks like she wants to argue—but she doesn’t.

You shake your head, your voice cracking just slightly. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

You turn to leave. To close the door and let this conversation die like everything else between you.

But her voice stops you:

“Don’t lie to me,” she says, quietly. Intense.

You turn slowly.

Her eyes are locked on yours, something molten burning just beneath the surface.

“There��s still something here,” she says. “Don’t pretend there isn’t. I see the way you look at me. I feel it every time I get too close.”

She steps forward, slow but certain. “You never stopped being mine.”

You should move. Should shout. Should slam the door in her face.

But you don’t.

You just stand there, frozen, as she closes the distance between you.

Her hand lifts, fingertips ghosting up your arm—soft, reverent, dangerous. Your breath stutters.

“You want to fight?” she whispers. “Fine. But don’t stand there pretending this isn’t still real.”

Her mouth is inches from yours. Her presence swallows the space, pulls you under like a tide.

And damn it all—she’s right.

You’re tired. You’re hurt. You hate her for all the ways she let you down.

But your body remembers her.

Your heart, traitorous thing that it is, still reaches.

So when she kisses you, you don’t stop her.

You fall into her like muscle memory—like a habit you never broke.

And when her hands tangle in your hair, and her lips press against your throat, and the wall finds your back with a thud—you don’t fight it.

You let yourself burn.

Even if it leaves nothing but ashes by morning.

You barely register the way her hands frame your face, the way her thumb brushes just below your bottom lip. You're too busy trying to breathe.

Because she knows exactly what she's doing.

Agatha never needed time to build momentum—never cared for ceremony or slow-burning build-ups. She always struck like lightning: sudden, intense, unavoidable. And it’s no different now.

One second, you're still leaning against the wall, dazed and uncertain.

The next, her mouth is back on yours, and her body presses flush to yours, no hesitation, no asking. Just claiming.

You gasp into her kiss, and she swallows the sound like it belongs to her.

And maybe it does.

Her hands slide down your sides, firm and familiar, skimming the curve of your waist like she’s reminding herself you're still real. That you're not just a memory she’s conjured up in some late-night fantasy.

You clutch at her shoulders, but it's not resistance. Not really. It’s grounding. It’s instinct. It's need.

She groans softly against your mouth, like the taste of you still drives her mad.

"God, I missed this," she murmurs, lips brushing your jaw, your throat, the place just behind your ear that makes you shiver. "Missed you."

Your head falls back against the wall, traitorously exposing more skin, giving her more room. You feel like you're unraveling beneath her touch, like every nerve in your body remembers this rhythm, this pressure, this woman.

She guides you back a step—then another—until your bedroom door is nudged open by the weight of your bodies.

But she doesn’t drag you in.

She holds you right there, half in the hallway, half in the dark warmth of the room you used to share. Like even gravity doesn’t quite know where to place you now.

You feel her fingers trace the hem of your shirt, tugging slightly, not asking permission but not quite pushing it either.

“I know every part of you,” she whispers against your throat. “Still dream about them all.”

You grip her wrist.

“Agatha,” you breathe, and there's warning in your voice.

But there’s also longing.

She lifts her head, eyes locking with yours.

There’s no triumph in her gaze. No smugness. Just something raw and unguarded.

“I just want to feel close to you again,” she says. “Even if it’s just tonight.”

You close your eyes.

Because you shouldn’t let her.

Because you know how this ends.

But her hands are warm, her lips are softer than you remember, and your body… your body stopped pretending hours ago.

So you pull her in.

Not gently.

Not carefully.

Just desperately.

Like you’re drowning and she’s the only breath left in the world.

Your shirt is gone before you realize it.

Not torn, not rushed—just removed, like second nature, like her hands were made for this, for you. Her fingers skim along your spine, a touch so precise it feels designed. You’re not sure if you're trembling from cold or heat, but she holds you like she's memorizing the shape of every breath.

Agatha’s mouth finds the hollow of your collarbone, and something inside you breaks. Not loudly. Not violently. Just the soft, clean snap of surrender.

You tug her coat off her shoulders, feel the silk of her blouse beneath your fingertips. The smell of her perfume hits you all at once—familiar, warm, almost cruel in how much it still makes your stomach twist.

She presses you down to the bed like you’ve never been anywhere else.

Like this is gravity.

And it is.

She moves over you with purpose, with rhythm, with knowledge—touching the places she once claimed with confidence, now with hunger. There’s reverence in her hands, but also possession. Like she's remembering and rediscovering you all at once.

And you let her.

You arch into her like you’re offering yourself up, but it’s not submission. It’s muscle memory. It’s everything your body never unlearned.

Her name escapes your lips more than once. Sometimes breathless. Sometimes a warning. Sometimes a plea.

She responds to each like a prayer.

There’s nothing frantic in it—just heat, deep and slow and unbearable in its intensity. The kind of intimacy that leaves you shaking not from what’s being done, but how it’s being done.

She whispers things against your skin. Half apologies. Half confessions. None of them clear. All of them felt.

And when it’s over—when the storm inside you has quieted and your heartbeat has finally begun to settle—you realize you’re still tangled in her arms, legs looped together, her hand resting just above your heart like it belongs there.

You should pull away.

You should turn your back and put a wall between you like you've done every night since the divorce.

But her lips are at your temple now.

And her fingers are still tracing slow circles into your ribs.

And against all better judgment, you stay exactly where you are.

The room is dim, wrapped in the hush of snowfall and the soft creak of bedsprings beneath shared weight.

Your breathing is still uneven. Hers, steadier, almost smug. She's always been like that—composed after chaos, a storm in human form who never seemed to feel the damage she left behind.

You feel her shift beside you, one thigh still pressed between yours, her skin warm and slick where it touches yours. Her fingers are splayed lazily over your hip, thumb stroking back and forth in a slow, thoughtless rhythm that makes your spine arch just enough to betray you.

She leans in, her lips grazing your ear.

“You still make the sweetest sounds,” she whispers, voice thick with satisfaction and something softer beneath it. “I missed hearing them.”

You swallow hard, eyes fixed on the ceiling. You should tell her to stop. That this doesn’t mean anything. That it was just sex.

But her touch lingers—deliberate.

She dips her head to press a kiss just beneath your jaw, then lower, to the hollow of your throat, her tongue warm against cooling skin. You feel her smile against you.

“You didn’t even hesitate,” she murmurs. “The moment I touched you in that hallway…”

You turn your face away, cheeks burning, but she follows you, nuzzling closer.

“You still want me,” she says, not asking. Stating. Certain.

You hate that she’s right.

Her hand moves—up, over your ribs, across the curve of your breast. Her thumb circles the peak with maddening slowness, enough to make your body stir again despite everything.

“Agatha…” you whisper, but it’s not a protest. Not really.

She hums, low and pleased, her mouth trailing down your chest. The scrape of her teeth over sensitive skin makes you gasp, and when her thigh shifts just slightly between yours, you feel your entire body light up with need again.

“I shouldn’t still know you this well,” she says, half against your breast, voice shaking just a little. “But I do.”

Your fingers grip the sheets. You want to push her away. You want to pull her closer.

You settle for threading your hand into her hair.

“I thought about this every night,” she confesses. “About touching you like this. Hearing you fall apart under me. Wondering if I ruined everything beyond repair.”

You bite your lip, and then, softer than you mean to, “Maybe you did.”

Agatha stills.

The silence is sharp.

But you don’t let go of her.

You feel her breath at your ribs, shaky now. Not from desire, but from something like regret.

“I didn’t want it to end like that,” she says.

And for the first time, there’s no seduction in her voice.

Just sorrow.

You close your eyes.

“I didn’t want it to end at all,” you admit.

She rises slowly, leans over you, her face just inches from yours again. Her eyes are searching now, not hungry—haunted.

There’s so much you could say. So much that would hurt to hear.

But instead, you lift your hand to her cheek.

Just once.

And she leans into the touch like she’s starving for it.

You kiss her this time.

Slowly.

Not like earlier—when it was raw and desperate and filled with everything unsaid. This kiss is quieter. Softer. The kind you used to share in the middle of the night, tangled in sheets and half-asleep, just to remind yourselves you were still there. Still together.

Agatha melts into it with a quiet sound in the back of her throat. Her hands return to your body, reverent this time, like she’s not trying to ignite you—just remember you. Every inch. Every curve. Every place she used to know by heart.

You roll with her, bodies aligning instinctively. Your thigh between hers, your mouths parting to breathe the same air. It’s almost painful how familiar it feels.

She looks up at you like she can’t quite believe you’re real.

“I missed you,” she whispers, like it hurts to admit.

Your hands slide down her arms, over the lines of muscle and softness, until your fingers are laced with hers, pressed into the mattress.

“I know,” you whisper back, voice trembling. “I missed you too.”

Your hips move together, slow, steady, drawn by memory and need. There’s no rush—just the rhythm of old lovers rediscovering the language only their bodies speak. Her breath stutters against your skin with every motion, every brush of your chest against hers, every press of your hips that makes her fingers clutch tighter around yours.

She murmurs your name like a prayer, your real name—not the clipped version she used when you were fighting. Not the bitter one she spit out when you signed the papers. This is the version only she used when you were happy.

You bury your face in her neck, lips pressed to her pulse. Her skin tastes like perfume and sweat and something you still recognize as home.

When her body tightens beneath you, trembling and arching, she gasps your name like it’s the only thing anchoring her. You follow moments later, breath catching, forehead resting against hers, both of you shaking.

She wraps her arms around you before you even think to move. Holds you there. Doesn’t let go.

“Don’t go,” she breathes against your temple. “Please. Not tonight.”

You feel her heart pounding against yours, wild and afraid.

“I wasn’t planning to,” you murmur, and her arms tighten, like she doesn’t believe you.

You shift slightly, just enough to press a kiss to her shoulder, to the edge of her collarbone, where you used to rest your head on lazy Sunday mornings.

She pulls the blanket over you both with one arm, never breaking contact.

And slowly—gradually—your breathing finds hers.

Outside, the snow keeps falling, burying the world in white and silence.

But inside, everything is warm.

Her skin against yours.

Her fingers threaded through yours under the covers.

Her heartbeat still echoing between your ribs like it belongs there.

And somewhere between the hush of the storm and the weight of her body curled around you, sleep finds you both. Not with finality.

But with the softness of something still possible.

Of something not quite over after all.