#and I was like hey im doing a good job

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

[pixelpoff]

Therapist: you need to practice assuring yourself that how other people act has nothing to do with you.

Me: Okay!

Satan: you think 👀

[dammjamboy]

BETTER CALL SAUL!

[moeblob]

North and Simon: (shaking hands on killing Simon potentially)

[bibxrbie]

"Between Anakin and Luke who is the better Jedi?"

"Who's the strongest?"

Blah blah blah.

Every single person who thinks it is Anakin is wrong because Anakin "coolest thing about me is my kids" Skywalker would beat you up for thinking that his son isn't the greatest thing of all time.

[lokh]

would u trust me to be able to carry heavy grocery bags

[lemon-russ]

Not even technically a request I simply want to share brain worms with you. Imagine with me if you will, the inherent romanticism of helping Chairon with his prosthetic arm. He’s probably fully capable of fixing it himself but iirc he IS right-handed so he’d be having to use his off hand for any maintenance tasks. Being either a chapter mechanic or militarum one he’s been around before and seeing him kinda idly flexing his hand and fingers like something doesn’t feel right, and offering to help if he’d be open to it. He probably doesn’t have the tools on him but you do and he’s heard nothing but good things about you from others, and any of the times he’s personally been around you, you seemed very competent and (dare he even say) sweet.

But just having a moment of kinda ease and softness for a bit. You didn’t HAVE to help him but you wanted to, just because it was something kind to do for him. It really hits him just how much more delicate you are and he’s impressed by how nimble and practiced your hands are, even covered in nicks and scratches from your duty. Expertly checking for and fixing small issues he would’ve thought too superficial for mid-mission fixes but you jokingly chide him that you’re putting your pride as a mechanic on the line here and you wouldn’t be caught dead doing a half-assed job for an Ultramarine. It’s honestly quite calming watching you work, feeling the grind and tension in his fingers ease as you get everything working smoothly again.

Something deep inside him wishes you’d touch his other hand so tenderly, so he could actually feel it.

That thought confuses him but it doesn’t seem… bad to think about. It would probably feel quite nice. It’s so rare for marines to experience physical touch that doesn’t involve violence. He wants to know what that would feel like, touch without pain.

You finish your work far too quickly for his liking and it shakes him from his musings. He can’t really stay upset about it seeing how proud you are as he tests his range of motion and everything feels good as new. You’re practically beaming when he thanks you, and instead of some typical awe-filled reply he’d expect, you grin ear to ear and cheerily proclaim. “Feel free to come find me whenever you need, I always make time for my favorite ‘customers’ after all!”

Chairon doesn’t know how to respond to that so he simply nods and tries to ignore how warm he feels seeing the unbridled enthusiasm you have at the prospect of seeing him again. You’re probably just excited about working on Astartes tech again… yeah that’s probably all it is……. Though now that he thinks about it you’ve never called any of his brothers your “favorite customer”….. Suddenly he’s very glad his skin is dark enough it’s near impossible to notice him blushing, Gadriel would never let him hear the end of this XD

Mans gonna be slamming his hand in doors for an excuse to get fixed by the cute mechanic lmfao

But this is such a cute idea, I'm a sucker for like, mechanical care can be intimate in a way (I've seen one scene of scavengers reign and it was that one of what I can only describe as proxy lesbian sex of a woman cleaning the inside of her robot companion, so like, now that's in there and suddenly "repairs is sex" is an association I have lmfao)

You know shes going to be checking in on him too, fine tuning his hand voluntarily, "oh I just happened to notice that gear looks a little stuck..." "oh? It doesnt feel-" "nope its stuck here let me get it for you :)))"

[corvidaedream]

me to my coworkers: when you request time off, you should not give the assistant dept head any additional info on why you're requesting it, it's none of her business and may be used against you

me requesting time off after my requests keep getting denied/overlooked the past few months: telling kelly explicitly that this one is an oncology appointment bc i want her to feel bad :)

[perilegs]

i miss horses

[stevieharringtonwifeguy]

re: your steve kisses everybody post, hear me out: Eddie is like, "I know this is new for you..." and Steve goes, "Well, I mean, me and the basketball team used to mess around but it wasn't, like, REAL." and Eddie goes, "...what?" Steve says, "Well like, we would make out and sometimes touch but not in a REAL way." And Eddie gets a little panicked and is like "what? What?? you-- the team-- that's not-- what?" And Steve goes, "I mean, just normal messing around." "That's not normal!" Eddie says and Steve is like "No it totally is." and Eddie goes to Lucas to try and convince Steve and I know one joke is Lucas going um no?? but imho it's funnier if Lucas goes, "I mean yeah, when we were hyped up or having fun, it's not a big deal. I've gone further roleplaying with the Party." Steve gets all smug and Eddie has a breakdown picturing the locker room being one of those girls-at-a-slumber-party-gone-sexual-fantasies

i hadn't considered where the party stood on the 'is making out with your friends a fun bonding activity' debate bc they register as infant children to me, but given that they're entering high school and will likely be beginning to experiment with that it is hilarious to think about where they fall on that

el is 100% team fun bonding activity i think. given the opportunity i think she would give everyone in her friend group a lil smooch bc she loves affection in all its forms and loves to give it to and receive it from the people she cares about

lucas and max are kind of on the fence bc they're together, but i think they are inherently both team fun bonding activity but refrain for each other's sake. until they realise it's fine and then they're congratulating each other on good kisses

dustin is team what the fuck are you talking about. his lips are for suzie and suzie only and the fact that lumax and el are chill about it baffles him

mike is also team what the fuck are you talking about but this is bc a) he has no game and b) the one time he tried to kiss a friend and have it be chill he chose will as his kissee and felt weird about it, so he assumes it's just impossible to kiss someone without feeling weird about it

will is originally team what the fuck are you talking about but that's the repression talking. after he's more comfortable in himself he's like actually yknow what!! yeah!! i can just have a lil fun!! just a sweet lil kiss!!!! and he kisses lucas 100% purely for fun while max and el cheer and mike continues to feel weird

steve and eddie hear about the general consensus towards friend-kissing in the party and after being like ew no it's actually illegal for high school freshmen/ now sophomores to be kissing each other (blatant hypocrisy on steve's part) steve takes this as a monumental win for the friend-kissers

[usercelestial]

is buck actually good at sex or is he just hot

[jrueships]

im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐

[itsalwaysdark]

i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is

[vampmilf]

weather was so bad today we skipped two stops on the last tour bc no one even wanted to get out of the bus and we just drove extra circles around the island and i talked a little more and everyone told me i did a good job but i was kinda panicking a little bc a quality check person from the cruise was on my tour and i was like nooooo i promise usually this is fun!! keep coming here dont tell your boss to skip this stop!! :((( and uhhhhh. she gave me a job offer actually.

[moeblob]

I am really tired of a situation rn.

[coriander-candlesticks]

I've been trying to figure out how to incorporate religious practice into my life & trying to get over the fear of being...annoying? If that's the right word? It feels a little like tugging on the gods' sleeves when I make more than one offering a day to them even though I know I'm not, like, being rude by *checks notes* giving them things or dedicating time/activities to them. Today I made a dessert in preparation for tomorrow's Pathfinder game and dedicated that time spent baking to Hestia and Aphrodite, and it was really nice! I feel like I'm starting to find my footing despite my worries. I'm also trying to make sure I take time where I'm not thinking about religion at all so that I don't start to ruminate/spiral. It's happened a few times already to varying degrees and it's! Not fun!

It's possible it's hindsight/confirmation bias, but I do think the vibes of my tarot deck changed when I started reaching out to the Greek deities. It makes sense: I was using my deck to reach out to a completely different deity/deities before I started exploring Hellenic polytheism. And it's definitely not in a bad way, just more energetic and...light? When before it was heavier (in a comforting way). I've gotten consistently coherent pulls, too, which is nice.

I've been trying to remember to pour a libation to Hermes at certain street corners when I'm out & about, but I have to make a game plan for when other people are also in the area, even if it's just psyching myself up so I don't look awkward while I do it. I have a pendant that I keep in front of his altar/shrine jar that I try to remember to take with me when I travel, and it's been cool having something in my pocket that's consistently reminding me of him because I check so often to make sure it's still there. There were some...issues with my commute on Monday (a true comedy of errors on the city's part) but the change in routine was a *lot* easier to handle in the morning. Of course, the unusually cool temperature helped, but I do accredit the smooth transition to Hermes because I wasn't stressed at *all* for the vast majority of my commute when I usually would have been wiped from the mental/sensory strain of having to pivot & kinda just hope I guessed right on what to do next. The commute home was a nightmare but I didn't have a whole-ass work day ahead of me after that so the stress didn't matter as much (and I was able to get through the last bus ride & walk from the stop which I wasn't sure I'd have the mental fortitude for).

I'm almost done with the statue of Hermes I've been working on, and I finished a set of alphabet oracle "stones" (squares made from air dry clay...would that technically be closer to potsherds?) tonight. I'll share a picture of them once I finish their bag- I have some leftover green cotton yarn from a recent project that I think will go well with them. We'll see how well they hold up, though I'm not planning on doing the "shake them until one falls out" method so hopefully they'll last a while. I worked on them in the living room this evening, instead of in my room. I'm getting more comfortable showing little elements of what I've been exploring to my housemates; it was nice to be able to sit & paint & listen to the iliad while my friend did his own thing next to me on the couch.

I'm still trying to figure out how to gauge each housemates' potential reactions. It'll probably be fine: friend 1 actively has an altar-esque space and uses tarot cards and a pendulum and friend 2 is friend 1's wife. I'm a bit worried about friend 3 being weird about it, at least at first, but considering he was experimenting with witchcraft-esque things a few years ago (I distinctly remember charms & him discussing which of the wheel of the year days he wanted to observe) I think I'm overthinking things. He's an atheist & his view of witchcraft was, at the very least, *similar* to the psych model, which I think is where the hesitation has been coming from on my end. I have therapy this weekend so I think I'll start bringing things up then. The office my therapist is in openly advertises all sorts of alt/witchcraft things so I think I'll be safe there lol