#and I want to keep my trash a reflection of what actual trash I'm doing

[janesgms]

Astro notes - 02

✨️ General Edition ✨️

Air placements could be more "air-headed" and hazy than water placements, specially when they're in places where they feel uncomfortable. this happens because air people's minds never stops and they will zone out all the time if you're not interesting enough to keep their minds on you.

If they also have personal planets in water signs or houses, then they will be kind of dumb too because they will be on their own world all the time. type of people who don't need drugs or alcohol to feel high, just a little bit of music lol

Underveloped leo mars & venus people with other earth/fire placements (specially moon) need to do therapy asap. they need to stop being bad and throwing their anguishes/traumas/bad energies on people who have nothing to do it, and they still do it thinking is not a big deal. You guys can be SO, but SO incredible and genuine people when you want, you shouldn't let your demons get control over you, because you're traumatizing others and losing your inner child slowly

Hi, how are you doing woman with heavy lilith energy? I know you think you'll never find true love and that men will always want to use your for their own pleasures but just know you will be happy in love one day and you're bigger than these negative beings 💖. But always be careful with people's envy in general.

Also, what is it that these women seem to make some insecure men hate them for no reason? Specially if they also have pluto placements These women (maybe subconsciouly) show that they won't lower their head to any trash of a man just bc they are men and i'm here for it. they're the true definition of powerful women when they learn how to use their gifts

Oh. my. God. why people are so freaking obsessed with spreading rumours about women with leo stelliums? leave us aloneeee 😭

People with young souls are such a pain in the ass smh... if you know someone who's a child forever (in the bad sense), this people is probably in her first/second life and they have a long loooong way to learn their lessons

Why do guys with gemini + cancer placements write and act like old men on social media? It's funny but also cute. they also can be such dads sometimes 🥺

Older souls usually get better with other older souls, they might find young souls really shallow or even "dumb". You usually get along more with people who have the same amount of lives as you or a close number

If you have the same amount of lives with someone, you probably feel connected to this person, it may be due to how you'll probably learn similar lessons in this lifetime

Quintiles and biquintiles are very important aspects to look in a synastry. they're as important as trines/sextiles/squares in my opinion

People with 12th house + taurus planets in natal need to be careful with smell addictions (drugs) and cigarettes even more than with alcohol

Venus in 1st house people marry with me now (it's an order 🔪)

I think natal houses are very forgotten when people talk about synastry. I know overlays are important but the natal houses are more because they reflect the native's nature. If you have the same houses in planets with different signs or houses that naturally match each other, it creates an important connection too

Virgo suns are the real clean freaks, virgo risings only look put together they are actually messy

10th, 6th and 2th house overlays in synastry are huge indicators of marriage.

10th house: means admiration, public life, adoration, social status, career you will always find this person cool, you will wanna be seen with her and you will cherish her on her career life, people wil lfind you good together. a power couple

6th house: means routine, everyday life, health & also work. you will care for this person's health and you will be part of her daily life, also cherish her work. a couple who does everything together lol (go to the gym, shower, skin care, cooking, brushin teeth even 😭)

2nd house: means material posessions, gains, sensations. you will gain material posessions when together, you may be posessive of them, you will bring money to the house together, you will be successful. a luck charm couple.

The vesta aspects in your chart can indicate how you will feel about your partner in the moment you lose your virginity.

vesta positive aspects to ascendant: you will find your partner expressive, personal, beautiful and you will like it

vesta positive aspects to venus: you will find your partner loving, soft, feminine, beautiful, delicate and you will like it

vesta positive aspects to mars: you will find your partner sexual, masculine, passionate, fiery, fast or aggressive and you will like it

Psyche conjunct personal planets in synastry mutually will make both of them thinking of the other 24/7, they will also feel a mental connection to each other

Venus conjunct ascendant in natal will make the individual very beautiful but they won't see that and hate pictures if they have 12th house placements or the venus is in the 12th house 😭 I wish they could see themselves the way other seem, they would feel more confident (even if they show they are, is just a natural thing for them, it doesn't mean they think they are confident)

Your death in your last past life could show in this lifetime as an inexplicable pain sometimes. I was murdered in my last life by my husband who cut my head off and I feel a pain in the back of my neck when I travel long rides and I rest my head in the seat - is so annoying tbh

Remember you may not have any past life in this world because this could be your first life (that's why you could be a shallow person, but I doubt any first liver would be reading this post, nah, they're probably busy being a kid lol, i kind of see why)

12th house people could naturally attract medium people from a young age without even realizing it, and these medium are also 12th housers/pisceans lol

You will always aspire to be like people who have personal placements in the sign of your north node

People with euterpe (27) in libra positively aspecting personal placements in mercurial or venusian signs, can have a beautiful singing voice, a sweet tone that remembers you of sunshine and freshness, or just a pleasant voice in general, even if it's not good technically. This can also apply to euterpe positively aspecting the venus.

Sagittarius mercuries need to be careful of what they say, they always hurt someone when saying something without even noticing 😟

This is a serious one, tw: murder. I just found out someone made black magic to kill me, and there are 4 obsessor behind me now. Now guess what I have in my lunar return chart? Sun, pluto and mercury in the 8th house. I also have bml in the 8th house and 8° in my solar return chart. Be careful with 8th house planets in solar/lunar return charts guys... (And send good energies to me)

Now this is it! I'll fix this post later, bye! Good night guys Update: I'm not dead and they're gone now <3

[headcannonsbutwrittenbyasnake]

Some of My Genshin Impact mains (current and past) but as cat personalities I've seen and lived with

Xiao

The "Unhand me Fool! I Will Paint the wa- Oh hey, This is nice."

Violence is his love language <3

Was probably found in a trash can alone and feral

SMALL, like mistaken as a kitten despite being full grown small, with sleek black fur and yellow eyes. If it wasn't for the small bits of green on the tips of his tail and ears he would blend in with the shadows

Again- feral, but a ride or die once you get his trust

You don't need a guard dog with him around

Actually you don't need anyone around!!!!(he's jealous)

God forbid you're talking on the phone around him

He won't do anything to you, he just stares

If he's asleep around you, and you leave while he's still asleep and he wakes up- he panics

Where are you?? Did you just up and leave? Did he do something bad in his sleep? He just panics until you come back

"Xiao what's the matter? Did something spook you?" "Meow meow!" (You came back! You do still love me!)

Seriously he kinda has attachment issues... if it's just the two of you living together. With the other cats. He's... fine with them, doesn't really trust them at first

Decides Razor and Albedo makes good company

Is on okay terms with Kokomi and Tighnari,

With Wanderer and Al-haitham, it's on sight

They'll play nice if you're around, but one you leave the house, it's go time

After the fight, it doesn't really matters who wins, they just need to make sure you don't find out.

Kokomi and Tighnari fix their fur and make sure the house is in order while the winner sits in the window, waiting for you to come home, and the loser sulks.

Razor

The "I'm Totally a Cat, Trust me!"

A scruffy, medium-sized, light grey cat, not a kitten but also not full grown. Kinda in that awkward cat phase

Probably found by someone's pet dog

Dog just took a look at scruffy little Razor and thought "Alright you're mine," but the dogs owner is, conventional, allergic to cats

So now he's yours :D

Can't really meow. Kinda just squeaks and/or howls

He just doesn't cat

Doesn't like tall places, takes bits of water instead of just dipping his tongue in, likes playing in water and mud, forgets to clean himself constantly, and just all-around is bad at being a cat

Is fine with being alone for a few hours, but he can't sleep alone. He needs so be with you or on you to sleep

Isn't violent or aggressive to humans or other animals in the slightest, but with bugs and mice. Well they don't last long in your house

Loves living with other cats

Even if Xiao at first hissed at him or Wanderer smacked him on the noggin, he just keeps trying to be their friend

It worked with Xiao, jury's still out on Wanderer

Tighnari's teaching him how to be a cat and Kokomi and Albedo are making sure his fur keeps clean and nice looking

Other than that he's just happy to have more friends in the house

Kokomi

The "Tiny and Cute, but Beats the Neighborhood Dogs Daily."

Menace to society

A medium-to-small sized cat with sleek light pink fur, fading into a light powdery blue at her paws, her ears, and the tip of her tail

Could be a show cat if she wasn't so much of a trickster

She isn't mean, just smart. Waaaay too smart

Likes going outside and luring dogs into her traps

Again nothing mean or life threatening, just kinda funny

Like luring them over puddles that are deeper then they look, or taunting them to lunge at her only to watch them face-plant into a glass door or scaring them with their reflection

Doesn't trick you, you're her favorite human!

Not really a snuggle cat, but likes laying on you and having the occasional head scratches

Over all, a pretty good, mostly normal cat

I say mostly because if she sees any water, she wants in it

Sink full of soapy water? She doesn't care, let her swim. A bathtub of warm water? Ah her favorite. A fish tank with no cover? Well the fish are luck she doesn't see them as prey! A whole swimming pool? Sign her up, she's swimming laps!

If you have a cup of water and aren't paying attention, she's going to stick her paws into it. Not to drink, just to swish around

Flat out leads the other cats like an army

Oh? The mice are trying to invade thier land? Alright, Razor go get Xiao and Wanderer

Outside of the mouse turf wars, or other threats to tge house, she doesn't really interact with them much

Wanderer

The "Appears out of Nowhere Just to Watch you Scream, (you Swear he's Laughing.)"

Roughly the same size as Xiao, but less malnourished

Literally just the cat in his story quest (or was it in the Archon quest, I can't remember.)

Was left at a cat shelter and considered un-adoptable, but you said fuck it and took him home

Has little dog syndrome despite being a cat

You swear he teleports

You turn around for one second, then turn back, and he's there

Snickers when you jump, and pouts when you catch him off guard

Be careful when you pet him, he tends to get overwhelmed easily.

And then he bites

Not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to leave a mark

After a while though he gets more comfortable with it

The type of cat to sleep on your face

Also very picky about food and what water

Only drinks ice water (spoiled brat)

Has an ongoing rivalry with Xiao

They often see who can catch the most 'invaders' (i.e. the mice, bugs, and other pest)

While he might seem like he hates the other cats, he's the first one to jump into the fray for them

Did once absolutely decimate a dog because it was chasing Kokomi (he didn't know the chase was part of her plan)

Albedo

The "Hey I found this, I want to keep it." And also "What are you doing? Where are you going? What are you eating?"

A medium sized, kinda fluffy, blonde cat with bright blue eyes. Also has a strange marking on his neck, kinda like a scar

Just kinda walks in through a open window one day, and stayed

Nosy real fucking nosy.

A shopping bag- What's in it? Oh you bought a new backpack- let's see if he can fit in it! On the phone? With who?

A leash cat

Please let him explore around, he's so curious

Will bring you LIVE mice- just don't scream or else he will panic and drop it

Will also bring you other things too

Rocks, feathers, bottle caps, a kitten, twigs

Wait a kitten?

Yep, he brought home a little blonde kitten with red eyes. I think you can guess who it is...

He is now her parental unit.

He tries to keep her out of trouble, but it's kinda hard.

Him and Klee have accidentally broken something on multiple occasions

They both sit in the corner ashamed of themselves

Albedo is not really a 'cuddle' cat

Or a 'people' cat (atleast people who aren't you)

If you have guest over, he'll just watch

Not with a mean or angry look, just looking

Him and Tighnari are planing something, you don't know what it is, and it's suspicious

(The plan is just how to wrangle in Wanderer when you're gone)

Al-haitham

The "Please for the love of God don't ask me to do anything other than the bare minimum."

A large, fluffy, grey cat. Has a little spot of green on his chest

Such a pretty cat, but has such an awful attitude

Well that is to anyone but you

Doesn't catch mice or bugs, doesn't do much of anything

He just want to lay in the sun and nap

Gets grumpy if anyone wakes him

Doesn't like Xiao because he tried to get him to do things (Xiao thinks he's a freeloader)

Hides from Razor because he keeps trying to play with him

You know that video of the cat just letting the automatic toy hit them in the face- yeah that Al-haitham

Just wants to do nothing with you

He's laying on your lap whether you like it or not

Don't try to stand up, he'll just dig his nails in

Read to him, he might look like he's napping but he's listening to everything you say

The type of cat to meow if you talk to him

"What do you think? This or that?" "Mreow,"

Shockingly, will use cat beds

Also likes to sleep in clean laundry, that you just folded

The reason you need to now check the dryer before you put wet clothes in

You know those cat who like to lay in the most uncomfortable position? Yeah that's Al-haitham

Tighnari

The "I Have a Schedule and you Will Stick to it!"

A medium sized cat with fluffy dark, nearly black, green fur that has spots of light green around his ears and tail.

He has large ears and a bushy tail, honestly might just be a cat-like fox, but it's hard to tell

You will wake up at 6am on the dot or else

The 'else' is just him screaming at the top of his lungs

Can probably read the clock

He has a routine: Wake up, breakfast, pest hunting, lunch, nap #1, cuddle time, dinner, run around like the devil himself is coming to finally collect your soul, nap #2, stop Xiao and Wanderer from killing each other, more cuddling, make the human get ready for bed, make sure everyone is in bed, then go to bed.

The only reason there is some semblance of order in this house

Like seriously if it wasn't for him, the other would have found a way to burn the house down

Breaks up any fights, stops the others from getting into to much trouble, and making sure Razor keeps his fur clean

Strangly protective of any plants around the house

The only time he'll out right hiss and swip at the others

No Razor! You can't dig around the plant pots, you'll kill them! No, don't eat the leaves!

[rinatic]

Call me babe | Nakamoto Yuta

Pairing: collegestudent!yuta x fem!reader

Genre: college students, popular boy yuta, fluff in the end

Word count: 1700+

Warnings: jealous and protective yuta

A/n: i had a hard time choosing a member for this oneshot, so i decided it's yuta :)

"I hate yuta, i really do."

"Of course you do, sane people hate him."

"Then the rest of the female population in the campus aren't normal."

Your best friend rolls her eyes at the mention of yuta, who you just admitted to hate. While in reality, he was your crush.

As you fix your hair, flicking it over your shoulders. You thought of him. I don't have a crush on him! He's an asshole! He doesn't deserve my time. You tell yourself repeatedly. But the voice in your head keeps coming up and 'corrects' these thoughts. You do love him, you just hate how popular he's with women and you can't do anything about because he's not yours.

And that's a fact.

"Ugh, why is he so handsome? Why does god keeps creating assholes with pretty faces?" Your best friend shots a look in your way through the glass reflection and you continue pretending to fix your clothes and ignore the glare.

Yes, he's handsome, annoyingly handsome. Everyone knows that and there's no denying in that part, but the streak of arrogance and his attitude cancels out the sexiness.

"Handsome or not, he's still an asshole." She says as she applies some mascara.

You kinda felt mad when she said that. Yes he's an asshole, but no one should call him that except me. You thought. You two ledt the bathroom and walked the hallway together.

There he was, standing with the group of trash men he's with everyday. You stare at the back of his head. His perfect long brown hair has passed his ears. You don't think you've seen him with long hair before. Damn, he must look good.

He always looks good. Even if he's wearing the most terrible outfit in the world.

He turns around and you find yourself staring at him, these long brown strands definitely made him become hotter.

Damn.

To say you two run in different crowds is putting it mildly. And that's what you hate the most. You both are the complete opposites, you have literally nothing in common and that what has been holding you back from opening a conversation with him for a long time, you know you can talk to people with different interests well, but if you talk to him, you feel like you'll look like the biggest loser in the world.

It's not like you have a chance to talk to him anyways, most of the time, he's either with his homies, or with those girls who are always glued to him. And you don't think he would think of you as someone interesting. Because when he finds someone interesting, he talks to them instantly, but you've never even greeted each other. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever for him to know you exist and you assure yourself that fine with that.

Even though it hurts a little.

"His hair looks like a mop." She says as she laughs, you curse under my breath. A fake smile appears on your lips. "Yeah, you're right," you lie, cautiously gazing at him. "I can clean this hallway with his hair." I may be mocking his ass but the last thing I want is for him to actually hear me. You thought to yourself.

Yuta looks in your way, his tongue dancing with a lolipop. His eyes meet yours and your body immediately becomes stiff. It's as if time has stopped. He smirks at you before sucking on it, shifting his eyes back to his best friends.

It may sound dramatic, but you actually stopped yourself from unleashing a scream, you felt the urge to scream like a fan just because he gave you that look. If i turn into a whore there’s only one person to blame for it. Him.

You hoped your bestie didn't notice what just happened. You lick your lips as you look at the other way, you waant to avoid him, everytime your eyes meet your feelings become obvious and you don't want that. You don't want anyone to see that, especially your best friend..

..and him.

"I'm so bored." She mutters. "Me too, I'm going to get us coffee." You head to the cafeteria without giving her a chance to reply. Maybe drinking coffee will stop you from daydreaming about him. It became a routine to think about him for a good hour. Damn, i just have a crush on him and i'm like this, what will i do if he was my boyfriend?

The thought actually formed butterflies in your stomach.

You stand up and look at every listed drink. "Hello.." the cashier trailed with a smile as he saw you approaching the counter. "Hi, is the coffee machine working?" You ask, last time you came to get some coffee last week, there was another cashier who told you that it broke. So you decided to ask before ordering.

"Thank god, it wasn't working last time i came." You said. "Sorry about that." You muttered a small 'it's okay'.

"If it wasn't working now, i would've fixed it just for you." He smiled warmly and put his arms on the counted, giving off a friendly vibe. You blushed a little at his words and he giggled. "So cute."

"What would you like to order, cutie?" His smile faded slowly but you didn't notice. "I'll take one small coffee.. and-"

"Make it two."

A deep voice trailed from behind you, it was sunny so you can see a shadow hovering over your body. Turning around. It was none other than nakamoto yuta. His gaze snags on yours as he clears his throat.

"I've been searching for you, babe." His voice is husky and loud. Your heart thuds. Hard. Like it came to a complete and utter stop. How am I still alive? You thought. Swallowing the saliva that bulit up in your mouth. "Fine." You don't know how you managed not to stutter, even though you feel like your knees will betray you any moment.

Why would he call me babe? What game is he playing? You thought. Yeah, yuta is a player that's why you toned down how you feel at the moment, you won't let yourself get excited over it.

Those dark brown eyes of his never leaving you. You're the one who has to look away first. His gaze twists you up inside. So you decided to keep your attention on the cashier.

"Who were you going to buy coffee for?" He asks, he's not looking at you this time. The tone of his voice is much calmer. You don't even know why was aggressive the cashier earlier. You think of a reply as your lips form a straight line. "Why you're asking?" You decided not to tell him that it's for your best friend, you want to know what drove him to ask this question.

"Don't drink anything with him."

He says, straightforwardly and his gaze doesn't meet yours yet. Did he notice him flitting with you? A shiver moves down your spine due to his deep voice but you ignore it. "Why though?"

"Just don't. Don't trust any man here."

"Including you?"

"Except me."

You stop talking and stare at the coffee that is being made. Ignoring the fact that your heart beats loudly like it's going to brust out of your chest. You clear your throat. Why the fuck is time moving so slow? You thought. Even though you like him and acknowledge the effect he has on you. Yuta was now making you grow hotter the more you're standing with him. It became so hot, even though it's currently winter.

You catch a glance of him, he's glaring so hard at the poor boy, you don't want to jump to conclusions, but you couldn't help but think that he's jealous. You try to convince your mind that he's not but that voice in your head keeps hitting you with it.

Finally, he comes with your coffee. Yuta's attention falls on it. "Are you sure you don't want anything else?" The cashier asks warmly. In a second, yuta reaches for your shoulder and glues you to his side, putting his arm protectively on your shoulder without touching you much. His warm embrace warmed you and tge smell of his fresh cologne hit your nostrills. "If my girlfriend wanted something, she would've said." He practically throws the money on the counter.

My girlfriend? God.. he sounded so fucking sexy. your mind fixated on that word.

He drags you softly with him away, as if the cafeteria is a bad place he's protecting you from. You really want an explanation, but there's no time for that, that's what he thinks.

"I could've paid for mine though." You mumble quietly. He takes out his lolipop and takes a sip, ignoring what you said. Then he gives you his and you wonder why, in a moment, he grabs yours and takes a sip of it.

"Hmm, it's safe." He says before you can protest. He smiles at you brightly. Before putting the lolipop in his mouth again, with a smirk, he hands you your drink and steps to the back slowly. "Y/n! Don't forget to call me babe too." He waves at you before rushing back to his friends. You smile at how he called your name. Gosh, he's cute. You thought.

You stand there dumbfounded. Wondering what the hell he meant, as you held your coffee in your other hand, something fell to the ground. You kneel and take it, it's a tiny folded piece of paper. Opening it

"Call me, love 2553-****?" You read what's in it, you slowly proceed everything, resulting in a cute smile appearing on your face, you jump like a kid as you hug the paper to your chest. You stare at the paper for a little and take a sip of the coffee, specifically from the spot he drank from.

You felt guilty because of how you thought of him before, you thought he was the ultimate fuckboy due to the stories othere gossip abouy around which are probably fake. Lots of people are jealous of him so maybe they did portray him as an asshole because of that? He's a sweetheart and it's totally unexpected.

"There you are!" Your best friend walks to you with exhaustion. You brush your thoughts away upon seeing her, hoping she didn't see you with him.

"You're drinking- wait! Y/n!! Where's my coffee?!"

[multiplicity-positivity]

Just saw you're post about the some people on the pro endo comunity being agressive. And I've actually have had the opposite expirience.

The anti endos in my life irl and online are kind of really mean?

I want to have a pro endo account but I'm scared of being harassed, fakeclaimed, etc. A lot (not everyone) of the people who are anti endo are so aggressive, and I'm not in a state where I can really receive that.

Any words of encouragement or tips?

Thank you, have a nice day!

gah, memory issues so we can’t recall what post exactly you’re referring to, sorry.

here are our tips for running a pro-endo account, or some sort of account where all system origins are accepted. it got kind of long and heavy, so we’re putting it under a cut.

1) when you first set up the blog, before you’ve made any post at all, go through some of the anti-endo tags and block those users from your new side blog. some tags to trawl/search through are “#anti endo,” “#endos fuck off,” “#endos aren’t real” and “#endos are trash.” just a heads up, you may see some violent, harmful, or potentially triggering posts in those tags. if you have the energy and capabilities for it, preemptively blocking a lot of users may save you some pain and difficulties down the line.

2) you may very well be harassed or fakeclaimed by running this account. we have been fakeclaimed by others on this blog, and have had users block evade, follow us to our personal accounts, and try to purposefully trigger us. it’s been rough, but this is one of the risks of running an inclusive blog online. some things to keep in mind:

- you can block any user who sends you anonymous asks. just hit the three dots at the top right of the ask page and hit “block anonymous.”

- having anonymous asks turned off entirely could greatly reduce the potential for you to receive hate and unkind messages. personally we like to leave anons on since lots of folks prefer to send asks anonymously, but if you’re worried or nervous, you can definitely turn them off.

- delete any negative comments on your posts as soon as you notice them, and block the users who make them from your side blog. we do this to help keep our posts positive.

- if any asker threatens to dox you, sends you gore or purposefully triggering content, won’t leave you alone, or is block evading, report them to tumblr. we have had to do this before, and tumblr’s been pretty good about banning genuinely harmful or dangerous users.

3) don’t pick fights, don’t cross post into anti-endo tags, and leave anti-endos alone. we only use anti-endo tags if we are tagging a post that mentions them for filtering purposes. if you refrain from engaging with those who you don’t want interacting with you, you’re much less likely to face harassment, in our experience.

4) try to remember that everyone posting on tumblr, regardless of whether or not they are pro-endo, is a person or human being. when someone fakeclaims you or sends you hate, it is probably coming from a place of insecurity and low self-esteem. they may be lashing out as a trauma response, or they may be having difficulties regulating their emotions. none of these things are an excuse or good reason to be an asshole to others, but it is something worth keeping in mind.

when we are fakeclaimed, it is more a poor reflection on the fakeclaimers than it is on who we are as a person or system. you know yourself and your system more than anyone else online, so when you are fakeclaimed, try to just chuckle with your headmates about it, let it roll off your shoulders, and block the user.

we hope this helps. if any of our followers run pro-endo blogs and have some advice for this anon, please share it by all means. and when you do make the blog, anon, feel free to drop the @ here so we can follow and boost your new account. best of luck to you with your future endeavors - running an inclusive blog is not always easy, but for us, it has been an incredibly rewarding and beneficial experience :)

[valentinehorrors]

The Fear of a Father Part 2

The room was quiet, which was very rare for Casey. If not loud music, then maybe the occasional practicing of trash talking for hockey games or both. But tonight it was quiet aside from the running water coming from the connected bathroom.

Well, that and Mikey telling his story.

And even after he finished talking, the silence stood, an awkward air between them. Casey had so many thoughts going through his head that for once he had no words.

So for quite a few minutes after Mikey's tale, it was quiet. It might've even been over an hour, he wasn't sure as he simply focused on washing his hands and arms.

He could hear that Mikey had gotten up from his bed and was now walking around his room, he wasn't nervous about that, he already spilled all his secrets anyway. The human didn't realize how tense he was until he looked in the mirror and saw how scrunched up his shoulders were. Casey almost jumped out of his skin as he caught a reflection of ice in the mirror as Mikey glanced at him.

He didn't think Mikey's eyes could get any colder.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he remembers someone saying that ice can get so cold that it burns. That's what it was, Mikey's eyes had gotten so cold that he could feel them start to burn.

"Don't scrub your skin off." Casey actually jumps this time, water splashing onto him and the mirror, Mikey's reflection distorting through the water droplets.

"Shit Mike... Scared the shit out of me." He chuckled nervously, turning off the water and taking a nearby towel to dry off, he looks down at the towel and idly thinks that he's glad it's not white.

"My apologies." Casey isn't looking at him, but he can practically feel the cold radiating off of the turtle as he steps closer. "But I seem to remember you mentioning that you like to be scared."

Casey felt shivers like claws raking down his back, "Y-Yeah I guess..." Once again, the silence returns, the human's hands have been dry for a bit but he keeps a hold of it, eyes not leaving the bundle of cloth. The cold drifts away as Mikey goes back into Casey's room, his footsteps audibly portraying his wandering, he had been silent up until that point, seems he wanted Casey to be aware of his presence now.

Casey sighs, deciding to splash some cold water on his face. "Stop freaking out..." he mutters as softly as possible to himself in the mirror, glancing back at the cracked door to make sure Mikey didn't hear. Though from the pause in his footsteps, he may have anyway.

Whatever, take a deep breath Casey Jones, you're not in danger.

He once again directed his gaze to his own reflection in the mirror... Maybe he should change.

As though reading his mind, Mikey suddenly appeared at his door, holding some of Casey's clothes "Here. Thought you'd want to get changed."

"Oh, thanks..." He took the clothes, Mikey turning to go back to sit on his bed, monotone, numb, apathetic, nothing new. This was Mikey, it's always been Mikey.

"So," Casey slowly started, looking over as Mikey's head perked up over to him, his blood was already frozen at this point with how often Mikey stared at him, the ice was starting to burn. "What does rat taste like?"

Mikey tilted his head like a confused dog, before pausing as he thought. "Do you remember how they smell?"

Casey shuddered as the same memory flashed to his mind as he nodded.

"Kind of like that. They can be chewy and stringy, I avoid the fat ones, fat never has a good texture raw." The turtle stated simply, matter of fact. "It's been a while since I actually had rats."

"Right... How often do you get... uh, hungry?" Casey fumbled his words a bit.

Mikey stared at Casey, he was forgetting to blink again. "Do you want the truth?"

They let the question linger, Casey chewing on his lip. Morbid curiosity. "Yeah, the truth."

"I'm always hungry." Suddenly Casey realized that at times that piercing cold, was a hungry gaze. "But I can keep it at bay, I eat once a week to avoid it from getting worse."

Casey was the one staring now "How many?"

"Depends on the day. Sometimes I can't risk getting out without being noticed or caught by my family so I postpone it. Thus I eat more the resulting night."

Missing persons posters, there had been more of them recently. Casey thought it was because of the Kraang or people getting mutated and having to retreat into the shadows.

Casey kept staring at Mikey, taking in his answer, his instincts going haywire, screaming at him that Mikey was dangerous.

"I'm gonna... get changed..." He slowly said as he retreated into the bathroom and closed the door, alone with his thoughts.

What did Casey know? First, Mikey never lied to him, he kept things hidden, slowly streaming out info to Casey, but he was honest about it every time he did it. There was clearly a lot that Mikey had kept to himself for years, so the least Casey could do was be patient. Though to be very fair, he never fully expected anything like this. Who would? Second, this wasn't something new. The only difference is that he knew now, but Mikey had always been like this.

His fight or flight had been activated many times just from being around the true Mikey, his gut always warning him. Hell, he knew Mikey was kinda fucked up. The second that the turtle allowed him to see the strings, how he plays with his brothers like it's a game. Even now, looking in the mirror, he could see the strings around his own wrists and neck. An unspoken threat, if he tried to tell anyone about who Mikey really was, he'd be fucked. The only thing he'd accomplish with that would be seeing Mikey truly pissed.

Holy shit.

Mikey wasn't pissed. Everything he saw, but Mikey hadn't been angry, not even a little upset. As he realized this, he looked at the clothes he had been wearing, now a pile of the floor, stains of red still vaguely seen. His gaze then went to his sink and he realized that it was going to need some cleaning as well, he hoped the red didn't stain too much. He could always pass it off as him tending to his own hockey caused wounds if anything. It's the same excuse he used when he ended up banged up from being out on the streets...

He sounds like Mikey.

This might've been fucking with his head a bit.

Okay, a lot.

He took another deep breath as he slipped on new clothes, calming down his heart, the adrenaline still in his system. At this point Mikey was just a constant source of adrenaline for Casey.

Maybe that's why he found it almost intoxicating to be around the turtle. Maybe it's why he missed the cold truth of Mikey whenever it was hidden behind false warmth and large dramatic smiles. It felt so fake whenever they hung around Mikey's family, a performance. Mikey had been giving him tips and helping him out, building a mask for Casey.

Really thinking about it, Mikey didn't have to go through any of this. He didn't have to explain so much to him, didn't have to help him, he revealed the strings most likely as just insurance, a just in case.

Plus, considering what he just saw, if Mikey wanted him dead, he would be.

It was almost sweet in a way...

Yeah, Casey's fucked up, but he's always known this so why act surprised now?

"So," Casey opened the bathroom door, clearly no longer as nervous as he casually leans against the door frame, "what do humans taste like?" his relaxed posture conveyed more curiosity than fear, something almost seemed to spark in those ice cold eyes.

"Like chicken. That's a joke." Casey actually laughed at that as he tossed his clothes with the rest of his dirty laundry. "You'll want to use hydrogen peroxide."

"Hydrogen peroxide." Casey said at the same time as Mikey as he nodded and sat next to the turtle, laying down on his bed.

He saw Mikey's head tilt out of the corner of his eye, "You know?"

"I'm trans, dude."

It took Mikey a second "Ah, right." Casey could feel the turtle's eyes as they scanned him, it caused another shiver. "You're... much calmer..."

Casey shrugged "I mean, if you wanted me dead you would've done it by now... and like, you only eat people cuz you gotta. You're still the same Mike, I just learn more about you but you ain't changing..." His gaze went from the ceiling to the turtle just in time to see said mutant practically jump on top of him, those ice cold eyes inches from his face. This close, Casey could see some of the blood still staining the edges of the scales around Mikey's mouth.

"You're not afraid..."

That familiar adrenaline quickly caused his heart to beat in his ears, "I ain't gonna lie Mike..." he spoke barely above a whisper, "You scare the shit out of me..."

"And yet... you don't run, don't stop coming to our talks, and you haven't tried telling my brothers a thing, listening to every tip and suggestion I say..." Casey feels the turtle's fingers tracing a line across his neck, "I've shown you the strings I have tied around everyone around me, even you... and yet you obediently follow the tugs of said strings..."

Casey didn't flinch, just looking into those eyes, now welcoming the freezing burn. "Yup."

This close, he saw those icy blue eyes widen a bit before a smile crawled onto Mikey's face, wider than his usual small genuine smiles, showing off sharpened canines that Casey knew the other turtles didn't have. The smile almost seemed manic "You... get better everyday Casey Jones...~"

Yeah, Casey was scared shitless, and he loved every second of it.

Meanwhile, one thought echoed in the turtle's head:

HE'S MINE.

[kooki914]

We all know how you feel about chapter 2, so how would you "fix" the issues with the chapter?

This is the kind of ask that would've made me go apeshit in excitement a few years ago. TL;DR, I made an AU specifically addressing all my issues with Chapter 2 (and the future of deltarune as a whole), it's called Kingdomrune and you can find it here.

If you want the in-depth explanation, continue under the cut.

First and foremost, visual overhaul of cyber city. It kills me because the concept art for the city that was released recently looks gorgeous but something is just lost in translation when trying to make the concept art a playable area rather than just a purely visual piece of art that you can take in at your own pace. Limiting the palette and making it a bit more muted is the option I pivoted to for Kingdomrune, but I'm admittedly not very good with colours, so make of the result what you will

(Added bonus - there's a parallax effect in the windows of the buildings that reflect the rest of the city, what would usually be street lights is replaced with wi-fi antennae that visually call back to the cliffs, a lot of the floating ads are, instead, replaced with "bug checkers" and loading icons which are animated but not so fidgety to be distracting, and a lot of the "blocky" looking items (trash cans and balloons) are more just stylized in-universe rather than actually clashing with the rest of the environment.) (Also, I hate "WELCOME TO THE CITY" so just imagine "a cyber's world" being the theme of the city instead)

Additionally, the city shouldn't be 90% of the chapter, it just gets boring after a while. My solution to this is splitting the City into two parts, the iconic Cyber City as the second of the two, with the lead-up to it being a place called Hardware Outskirts. I don't have spritework for it, nor presentable concept art sadly, so just imagine a cross between old soviet brutalist buildings and old yellowed computer hardware, and you've pretty much got the mental visual for it. The music I associate with it is anything by Molchat Doma, but more specifically This Song, which adds a necessary tonal contrast to the City's vibrant feel.

Second of all, SOME KIND of conflict in the wider world outside just the kids' adventure. There's hints scattered throughout the game that Queen is planning something big in the city and that nothing's running on time because of it, but we don't get explicit payoff for that. My way of resolving this, and tying it back to the light world, is that Cyber City is essentially at war with the rest of the library.

The new tech is trying to conquer and replace the books and stories that have been there much longer, and the Bookbound Kingdom (in my version of events, at it's head are the card queens that are missing in chapter 1) is fighting tooth and nail to keep the "Evil" Queen at bay. The Bookbound Kingdom is themed after fairytales and textbooks and stuff, the kinds of things kids would most often check out at the library, and it would provide a very necessary tonal and visual contrast to the Cyber City that actually makes it's GOOD aesthetic and thematic choices pop. Where the Bookbound kingdom is wild and whimsical and outdated, Queen's kingdom is rigid and complex and new.

It also gives Queen a reason to ransack the first area like we (implicitly) see her doing in the game. She's actually, violently trying to take over Bookbound and that's when she found Noelle, and decided to kidnap her. Sweet Cap'n Cakes get a bit of a rewrite as well, originally Queen's scouts and allies until the protagonists befriend them through dancing during their battle, which causes them to turn on Queen because their new friends treat them better than she's treating them at the moment (giving us in-universe characters reacting to Queen's change in character caused by the fountain that, in-game, is just told to us rather than shown).

Thirdly, write out Berdly. Entirely. This is probably a controversial take, but I genuinely think Berdly's arc would benefit from having his OWN chapter dedicated to HIM specifically (one I dubbed chapter 2.5 in my AU), instead of him being at odds with Noelle for screen time. Setting up a context where Berdly's the character very clearly out of his own depth and not thriving with people claiming to be helping him, is a much more compelling way to get (me specifically) invested. Put emphasis on Berdly and Noelle being friends and him overcoming his comphet crush on her, no more weird love triangle shit with him inserting himself into Susie and Noelle's business, and most of all, Ralsei and Kris bonding with him in their own ways. Give Kris a REASON to forgive Berdly for the way he treated them, give the two common ground and let Berdly GROW into someone who WANTS to be nice to Kris, rather than whatever the hell happened at the end of Deltarune's chapter 2.

And lastly, I need to talk about Noelle. Like, a lot.

While she was (and still is) my favourite part of Chapter 2, there's still improvements to be made. For one, going from "freezing up completely at conflict" to "ACTing with kris to spare enemies" after just ONE conversation with Virovirokun that completely breaks the flow of battle is... kind of odd to me. In my rewrite, Noelle's first escape from Queen is with SCC involved, they target Noelle as a lightner they can beat (because they can't beat the heroes) and in doing so essentially open her cage. Queen is furious with them and while Susie tells Noelle to get the hell out of there, Queen is trying to coerce her to stay, and Noelle is frozen in place. She doesn't WANT to stay with Queen, but she's rooted in one spot and can't move. When something loud/startling happens, it FINALLY makes her budge and she's able to run away.

Freeze -> Flight

When Noelle first joins Kris' party in Hardware Outskirts, it's not because Susie and Ralsei ditched Kris out of nowhere with weird traffic cones to block them (??? im still salty about that), rather it's because there's a two-way puzzle (kind of like the December puzzle) that makes Kris' team split up in two, and Susie chooses to go with Ralsei because she trusts Kris'll be fine on their own. For context, in my AU there's also chapter 1.5 where the team more firmly learns how to work together, specifically through Kris learning how to bond with them one at a time, so Kris trying to cling to Ralsei and Susie in chapter 2 is weird from those two's perspective because Kris should know by now that a team of two will be fine, the three of them don't need to stick together like glue all the time. Susie and Ralsei aren't completely out of the picture, for the record, they're still checking in on Kris and Noelle and making sure they're okay, even distracting Queen to give them opportunities to get out of dodge. (again, instead of the weird love triangle stuff, I still don't know why that's there in-game.)

Noelle at first runs from every battle that happens. Kris has to fight every darkner on their own, leaving them at a huge disadvantage, because Noelle is too scared to fight them. As you may have guessed, this makes the snowgrave route not possible the moment Noelle enters your party (I'll get to that). Noelle eventually gets forced into battles with Kris during a car chase minigame, where they compete with Ralsei and Susie to see who can take out more enemies in a semi-enemy rush. The problem is, Noelle still doesn't contribute, and when the teams get separated, Kris ends up encountering WareWarewire, who they can't hope to defeat on their own, and at THIS point Noelle runs away again, which opens up the option for KRIS to flee as well (essentially unlocking a new mechanic). Once they're both safe and enter Cyber City, Noelle starts to feel bad for constantly leaving Kris on their own, and asks them to tell her what to do next battle, because she wants to be stronger.

Freeze -> Flight -> Fight

THIS is where the snowgrave offshoot can happen. Once Noelle is with you during battle willingly, she listens to your every command and that can include freezing/killing enemies if you so choose. You can completely erode the positive aspects of her development and ingrain "fight" as the only valid response to stress to her, which undermines the journey she went on for the sake of making battles more convenient for the player. This entire portion of the game after Noelle joins your party would be specifically curated to not make it feel bloated when seeking out enemies and doing puzzles no matter which route you take.

On a normal route, Noelle's character continues to progress steadily, but the one thing she still refuses to do are spelling puzzles, with a bit of emphasis put on it. Her and Kris bond for the first time in a long time without being interrupted by Berdly or Queen, and in the end, she's able to help you do the December puzzle. Together, Noelle and Kris are able to move past their trauma, at least partly, and become closer friends than they were before.

Before the December puzzle, though, there's a miniboss, and instead of a Berdly, this section would actually feature Rouxls as a miniboss. In my mind, he's using the boat as a way to traverse a minesweeper puzzle and tries to stop Kris and Noelle in order to give them over to Queen. On a normal route beating him always leaves him somewhat injured and fleeing, with Noelle worried about his safety. In a snowgrave route, Rouxls is painfully outmatched and while Noelle isn't particularly invested in his safety as an individual, after being forced to do Snowgrave she's in shock, both because of what she did, but also because Lancer leaves your inventory to check on Rouxls.

Oh yeah Lancer, remember Lancer? He was here the whole time!!! Your actions have consequences.

He's very clearly distraught and doesn't fully understand what happened to Rouxls, and his distress at his "lesser dad" being unwell and dying without him being able to do anything rings a little too close to home for Noelle, who's losing her own dad to illness that she can't really stop. She leaves the scene, feeling responsible and out of place, while Lancer stays by Rouxls and refuses to go back to Kris' pocket. Kris enters the mansion without Queen trapping them and encounters Susie and Ralsei inside, grateful Kris caught up to them but confused at Lancer's absence. The rest of the snowgrave route would play out as expected, Spamton taking over the mansion and Susie trying to help Noelle even if she doesn't really know what's going on. Same with the light world, except Noelle doesn't have an "oh Berdly, you overwork yourself too much" moment, rather she has an imposter syndrome moment with Kris and Susie coming to the library together and, apparently, being there long enough that its late in the day and neither of them bothered to wake her up to hang out with her. She's glad the dream is over, but the waking world isn't much better.

On a normal route, though, Lancer helps get you out of the cages and rooms Queen put everyone in. In my AU, he doesn't turn to stone (lore bending go brrr) and instead lets the team do their own thing and find Noelle and the fountain while he goes and looks for his lesser dad. And then there's the mansion. God the mansion. This is such a nitpick but I hate that in-game it geometry makes no sense, so I literally devised a map in which the progression essentially stays the same but the building kind of actually makes sense.

(Bonus - specifically mapping out how her giant robot body upholds the mansion/where each body part is referenced and is most visible)

Once Noelle is rescued, she briefly joins the rest of the team before deciding to help them in her own way, disabling security that Queen has around the fountain in order to grant them access from the inside (because she's still scared of confronting Queen). There's only one fight against Queen, also, none of the giant mecha stuff. She has her speech about the Knight as the protagonists approach and Noelle is already caught on her hand. Noelle is essentially stuck and forced to watch the whole fight as the gang try and fail to set her free, or beat the shit out of Queen. Either way, when they seem to have the upper hand, Queen pulls out a second giant hand and knocks them all down. Tired and almost defeated, Queen turns to Noelle and releases her from the hand, telling her to make another fountain, just like in the base game, threatening Susie if Noelle doesn't comply. Noelle turns around and stands up to Queen, just like in the base game, and in response Queen rethinks what she did. She tells Noelle to choose the world that makes her happy, and uses the giant hands that kept the kids trapped as a makeshift throne that she sits down on and gets carried out of the scene with.

On their own, the kids slowly recover while Susie and Noelle still muse about how much better the dark world is compared to the light world. When Susie offers they open a fountain on their own terms, Ralsei stops her and explains the roaring. Essentially the same as the base game from here on out, except Noelle comes with Kris and Susie once the fountain is closed, filling in the gap on Kris' right when closing the fountain that Ralsei will (hopefully) one day fill.

The rest of what I'm about to lay out is pure wish fulfillment and is less "fixing" chapter 2 and more just adding things I want to see:

Susie tells Noelle the dark worlds are real after she wakes up on a normal route, and offers to take her to Castletown since that's basically a permanent dark world without any of the immediate danger. Noelle promises to keep it a secret, visits her dad at the hospital, then visits Ralsei with Kris and Susie. While those two eventually leave to explore Hometown, Noelle decides to stay in Castletown with Ralsei for the rest of the day. She has a lot to learn from him when it comes to magic and the dark world, and I just want them to be besties.

There's explicit references to Berdly in Cyber City mostly as an homage to the fact that he was once part of the story line of it. They reinforce that Susie and Kris don't like Berdly (kind of like how some of the Hometown kids talk about not liking Susie, it's framed as kind of childish and closed off), while Noelle kind of defends his intentions as positive at their core. It's entirely setup for ch2.5 where Berdly is slowly redeemed not because Noelle holds his hand through his character development, but rather because Kris and Susie are antagonists that want better for him than his so-called allies of the chapter do.

Ralsei and Noelle also have a brief bonding moment in Cyber City, mostly revolving around Noelle being curious as to who Ralsei even is, and him genuinely not having an answer to that question. It reinforces Ralsei's identity crisis during the chapter as well as shows why Noelle is so well liked by other kids in class (she's perceptive and tries to get everyone involved even if she doesn't know them that well).

All in all I think most of the things that would "fix" the chapter for me could genuinely take a lot of the whimsy out of it for other people. I prefer more sombre and subtle emotional beats, but the original chapter 2 was very clearly not aiming for that, and people enjoy it for its peppiness and hype in a way that I just can't. To me it feels forced and unearned, to other people it feels entirely natural and warranted. There's no one way to appeal to everyone and, outside of the structural problems of the chapter (not idiot-proofing the maps so I got lost and frustrated for a while, no save in front of Berdly's fight for snowgrave reasons and not taking into account that the battle is difficult on a normal playthrough and quick resets would be necessary for people not that great at the game, the general unnecessary fluff around that weird teacup puzzle where Noelle is there in the party as well and it's just a very confusing portion of the chapter that doesn't even lead into anything later on that unironically made me scrap the idea of the teacups for Kingdomrune altogether, etc) that could be fixed with trimming fat or just quality of life small tweaks. There's nothing Fundamentally wrong with chapter 2, it's just not what I wanted out of the game, personally. So, if you don't like my rewrite, more power to you. It's literally meant to appeal to just me and no-one else lmao

[finalgirlkateausten]

hide away and find your peace of mind

set at the end of SGA 1x11 The Eye, right after the team regains control of the city. it is my professional opinion (no seriously i'm an emt lol) that Elizabeth and Rodney should've gotten hypothermia 😤

"Everyone okay?" John asks, looking around the room as Teyla more or less carries Beckett in. He keeps glancing back at Elizabeth, just to convince himself she's really not dead. Now, she's leaning heavily on the console, her eyes closed. "Elizabeth?"

She blinks, taking a moment to focus on him. "I'm alright, Major. I think I should just get out of this jacket, it's a little too warm in here."

John blinks at her. The large, empty, mostly-metal city running on minimal power isn't what he would call warm. But when he notices that her jacket is still dripping rainwater as she sheds it, some old first aid training lights up in his head.

"Hey," he says suddenly, "getting out of that wet jacket is probably a good idea, but I don't think you're as hot as you feel-- do you want my coat? It's dry... drier."

Elizabeth takes it when he hands it to her, frowning as she slips her arms into the too-big sleeves. John turns to Rodney and Dr. Beckett.

"Rodney, how long were you out in the storm?"

"I've lost track of time," Rodney mutters, and though he doesn't seem as foggy as Elizabeth, John suspects the shivering he'd written off as a shock reaction is actually far worse. "Beckett, what do you think?"

"Not sure he's gonna be much help right now, Major," Ford reports, standing next to the desk chair the doctor is sitting in so he doesn't slump over and fall out of it. "Dr. Beckett? Carson?"

Beckett awakens slightly with a groan before bending double and getting sick into a hastily provided trash can, thanks to Teyla's quick reflexes. John concludes that it's probably best to take matters into his own hands.

He's pretty sure his Basic Life Support certification hasn't even expired yet.

With the power still spotty and no doctors lucid enough to help them in the medbay anyway, John decides to just grab supplies from wherever he can find them and bring them back to the command center. He delivers portable space heaters first, and then blankets and dry clothes, just spare sweatshirts and sweatpants that will probably fit Rodney and be huge on Elizabeth. And then he goes for medical supplies just in case, spending the whole trip trying not to think about Elizabeth changing clothes or if his own wardrobe would fit her any better. None of those thoughts are any of his business.

The medbay brings him heated blankets-- provided he can plug them in-- and a thermometer that looks battery powered, at least. The storm is still impossibly loud, and John reflects that he might not mind one of those blankets himself.

When he gets back to control, Elizabeth and Rodney have changed clothes, and Ford and Teyla, the geniuses that they are, have dragged mattresses from wherever the closest living quarters were, taking up the floor of the briefing room. It's kind of cozy, with the heaters, and John plugs in the heated blankets and passes them out to everyone's enjoyment.

"If it's still storming," Elizabeth murmurs, her words slurring, "I might... try to get some sleep. Before the others come home."

Rodney squints. "You don't look so good."

"At least I'm not oozing blood everywhere," Elizabeth retorts, and John realizes he's gonna have to keep juggling things a little longer.

"Let me see your arm, Rodney," he requests, as Teyla hands him bandages from a first aid kit. "Elizabeth, honey, I don't think you should go to sleep just yet, but how about you take this thermometer and tell me what it says your temperature is, okay?" He doesn't know where the pet name comes from. Hopefully she won't remember later. Ford is giving him a look, though.

Teyla, god bless her, helps Elizabeth coordinate her hands enough to handle the thermometer, and it beeps just as John finishes wiping off Rodney's arm, much to his patient's protest. "What does 34.8 mean?"

"Damn, that's celsius," John says, beginning to wrap the bandage. "I don't know."

"Human body temperature is 37 degrees celsius," Rodney informs him. "She's too cold."

There's a stretchy wrap that seems like it's made to secure the soft bandages. John adds that. "What else am I supposed to do?"

"You could share body heat, Major," Ford pipes up, helpful as always. John glares at him.

"We've really only got the mega-bed, anyway," Rodney points out.

John moves slowly down to the mattress, taking a non-electric blanket for himself. "Elizabeth?" He asks, sitting beside the edge of her heated blanket. "Is it okay if I get in your personal space?"

She smirks at him, which feels incredibly in-character for her even if her eyes are still a little too glassy. "Well, I don't have a decent pillow, do I?"

It's nice, when she settles herself against his chest, and not just because she shares the electric blanket. Her skin is still far too cool to the touch, even though she's flushed. Even with Teyla on her other side, relaxed but not dozing, John still feels a little too awkward. "Rodney?" He asks, trying to joke. "Wanna hug? You seem a little chilly yourself."

"I've got more muscle mass to keep me warm," he insists, but he makes his way over to lie with them, folding his hands behind his head and letting John throw an arm over his shoulders. Ford drapes them in another heated blanket before returning to Beckett Duty-- and snapping a picture with a field camera.

Rodney laughs, and Teyla smiles. "Fuck you," John offers.

But Elizabeth is starting to feel warm again tucked against him, and he decides it's not a terrible way to wait out the storm.

[sidekick-hero]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love ❤️

Emmerson, my dearest dear, thank you so so much for the lovely ask! A bit of self-love and self-hype is always a good idea 😊💜

Because I got several lovely self-rec asks I'm giving you my favorite AUs I've written 😘

Would you fall for me? (explicit | 8.8k) - my try at enemies to lovers

Dustin hugged him again and when he pulled away he patted Eddie on the back and said, "Great. Maybe you and Steve will finally bury the hatchet, now that you both have to help me plan the wedding.” "Sorry, I think I heard wrong. It almost sounded like —" Eddie started, praying that he had indeed misheard Dustin, because no way in hell... Dustin let out an exasperated sigh. "You didn't. Steve is also my best man." At Eddie's horrified look, Dustin added, "I really don't understand why you two hate each other so much. I think you could be great friends if you both just stopped acting like kids, man." "He started it," Eddie grumbled like the very mature adult he was. This was going to end in disaster, he fucking knew it.

Suitcase of Memories (explicit | 55.7k) - my first and only big bang, written with the amazing @legitcookie 💜

In a bygone era, two men overcome all societal norms and find an instant, powerful connection that defies all odds. Their secret love blossoms in the shadows, forming an unbreakable bond. However, fate eventually intervenes, cruelly tearing them apart. Fast forward to the present day, Steve awakens from a startling dream that feels surprisingly real, like he was really there. The memory of it haunts his every waking moment, making him question if he somehow recognizes the mysterious, curly-haired stranger playing his guitar at a street-corner, although they have never met before. Steve continues to cross paths with this enigmatic figure, Eddie, until they surrender to fate and their instant attraction. As their relationship deepens, Steve's dreams become increasingly vivid, detailed, and intense, leaving him with an uncanny sense of familiarity. They also strangely reflect the growing romance and struggles of his newfound relationship. Is it all just a coincidence, or is there a deeper connection that defies the boundaries of time and fate?

we were meant to be (we live happily in my fantasy) (explicit | 5.6k) - my try at rockstar!Eddie

Eddie Munson has it all. The big mansion with more bathrooms than anyone could ever need, five platinum albums in as many years, countless awards to show the world that the trailer trash from a shithole town in Indiana had made it, and enough money to buy said shithole town if he ever wanted to. Which he certainly didn't, thank you very much. The only good thing about this hellhole is his uncle, who still refuses to live anywhere else. Eddie Munson also has the most gorgeous date of all the Grammy attendees on his arm, smiling charmingly at the flashing cameras and winning the hearts of everyone he so much as looks at. Or: Eddie is a Big-Shot-Rockstar and Steve is the escort he hired to get people off his back. Too bad he fell in love with him.

I’ll keep you like an oath (may nothing but death do us part) (mature | 20k) - finally, I tried my hand at the fake dating trope!

When Steve's grandmother dies, he finds out that he can only get his inheritance - half a million dollars - if he marries someone. It's her way of forcing Steve to live a heterosexual life. Sucks for her that gay marriage has been legalized since she wrote her will. Sucks for Steve that he doesn't have a man or woman in his life to marry. Cue Eddie Munson, roommate and best friend of Robin's girlfriend Chrissy and the guy Steve has had a crush on for years. What could possibly go wrong?

Emotional Motion Sickness (explicit | 16.5k) - emotional porn, pure and simple

"This is actually my first time in a gay bar and I had no idea it was a theme night, that people would be here looking for... for... leather and chains and whatnot. If I knew that, I wouldn't have come." It comes out in a rush, the words stumbling over each other in his haste to get them out as quickly as possible. Steve fights the urge to bury his head in his hands again, but part of him is glad he got it all out. Now he can only hope that Eddie still wants to talk to him, because he likes Eddie, and he may not be into the same things as him, but maybe... Steve doesn't know what he's hoping for, only that he doesn't want his night to end without at least getting Eddie's number. Maybe they can at least be friends. Steve really needs more gay friends, ones who don't send him to a bar without telling him they have theme nights.

[asexualcorvidae]

There's something to be said about the public performance of discussing concepts like "how one's year went" and "plans for the next year" publically, but there's something nice about sharing these thoughts with the world - even if they are mostly melancholy this year.

This year has been... mixed, to say the least. On a personal level, I don't have much to comment on. I had a paid month off of work in May, which I spent traveling to a few places to see people I haven't seen in a long time (as well as visit family). This time off was really nice. Really, really nice. I wish this wasn't a once-in-a-blue-moon thing. I found such regularity in being around other people.

Beyond the personal, work has been much improved. A very long & tedious project finally finished. (Mostly. It has been over half a year and I am still helping to clean things up. I don't mind it, though; it can be interesting work at times, and when it isn't, it helps to pass the time.) Now that this monster of a project is done, work has mostly been steady & consistent - which is a boon considering Everything Else Going On.

Oh, the medical stuff. It started slowly this year, with a diagnostic colonoscopy + endoscopy revealing nothing regarding my energy levels, and has since spiraled into 5 months of endless appointments and tedious "following-up-on-people-who-should-have-done-things-independently". My PCP sucks (2 months to go until I get a new one) and treated me like shit. I got off of continuous iron supplementation, finally, after over 5 years. I tapered down my SSRIs. (I could not come off them completely, because apparently Lexapro enhances the affects of Adderall, and changing my Adderall dose during the ongoing DEA-manufactured "shortage" is, in my opinion, a non-starter.) I was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea & have been working to adjust to sleeping with a CPAP machine, which is still an ongoing process. I finally got into physical therapy, struggled immensely with it, and was then referred to aquatic physical therapy, which has gone really well - perhaps the only medical thing that really has gone well this year. I'm still seeing eating disorder specialists, even if I haven't made much headway there. (There's too much going on.) I still have many problems, and many which I believe to still be undiagnosed & untreated. I'm better than I was 2 years ago, but I don't think I'm better than I was last year.

I do think I've improved with keeping up with chores. I've hammered down quite a few to keep up with on a weekly basis. (Laundry, dishwasher, trash, recycling, mail, and groceries.) It is... mixed at times, but I do what I am able to. I overhauled a lot of what was in my bathroom this year too. I replaced my shower curtains. I finally had maintenance replace my shower head, after owning the thing for over 2 years. I got new bath mats. I cleaned out much of the old medicines & supplies. (The supplies are still waiting to be donated. That's for another day.)

That's about all I have for a reflection on the previous year. I don't fully remember what my resolve was for this year - if I had to hazard a guess, I wanted to keep a focus on medical things (which I definitely did, for better or for worse) and maintain some structure with chores (which is much improved over the past year - I am, at the very least, basically never backlogged on anything I consider to be in a maintenance state).

As for next year... the medical focus is self-explanatory (and necessary). I actually might even join a gym??? (It's really terrible that there's no way to access a warm water pool without paying for it in some capacity. Medical care is gate kept by money! Unsurprising.) I'll keep tweaking my CPAP settings in pursuit of better sleep. I would, eventually, like to get off of Lexapro entirely. A new PCP will hopefully mean a new set of eyes on all of my symptoms. And, energy permitting, I'd like to get back into cooking - which I think will help my eating disorder a bit. (I'm not sure if I will be able to do it without the support of a meal kit service. I'd like to be able to do that, but I'm really not sure where I stand there.)

Beyond the medical, I want work to remain mostly stable. I'll keep advocating to be paid more, but I'm not expecting much. At this point, the health insurance is so worthwhile that I'm not particularly interested in moving jobs (or moving period). And in my personal life, I want to keep working to make my apartment somewhere I am happy to be in - somewhere I am proud to have decorated and am proud to maintain.

That's about it. I hope 2024 is a better year. (At the very least, I hope it is okay.)

[beevean]

Hecula. Isaactor. Joaactor ;)

Alright, if I must be brutally honest:

where is the porn?

Like. To me the setup "the Lord and his pretty loyal knights who'd do anything for him out of gratitude" is so damn obvious. I know CoD cannot compete with SoTN or AoS in terms of popularity, but really? Nothing? I was lucky to find any scraps of Isaactor by digging into the 10+-year-old trash of blogs here! Where is the material?! I feel like I'm having visions! Or maybe I came too late to the party 😭

(well, I did find two Draactor fanfictions. they were bad. one of them was pretty good except Hector was so OOC it hurt, and the other was NFCV levels of WTF. so yeah. let's just say they were inspirational...)

anyway I don't know what else to say, Draactor in general has consumed my mind. Isaactor is a fun divorsties ship because I love to imagine how their relationship, potentially solid and wholesome, crumbled apart due to their life circumstances, a tragic case of "they were at the wrong place in the wrong time but they couldn't meet anywhere else". I love how they are very different, but with just enough similarities to mesh together, and those similarities is their brand of toxicity (I want Hector to be more of a bastard lol, down with "meanie Isaac abused poor Hector"). And Hecula just hits all my favorite tropes that make me go "oh this is very gross and bad and disgusting 🥰" while also keeping the themes proposed by CoD about Hector being forced to be Dracula's reflection <3

(special shout out to Isaacula for being an evergreen villain/simp ship!)

Anyway, I know the actual opinion you want :P

Joachim is kind of a freebie, for lack of a better word lol. We don't know much how he'd be free from his cell, let alone several centuries into the future. But I like the proposed version of him being sarcastic, irriverent (too old for Dracula's shit lol), constantly on the edge of snapping, but also still unused to being loved and appreciated. Much like a certain redhead :P so, somehow, the two fit together like a glove. Isaac would not be disturbed by Joachim's nature and appreciate being appreciated. Joachim would simply admire Isaac's qualities like his passion and wit and not compare him with anyone, and himself being touched that he's not considered a "crazy old vampire".

Hector is harder to fit, and it feels like it's mostly "Isaac and his two boyfriends" lmao. However, Joachim would not create that competitive environment Dracula did, the opposite in fact, which might allow the two boys to relax around each other and rekindle that old friendship they had as kids. I like the idea of Joachim seeing himself in Hector (arrogant but so vulnerable to the manipulations of a bastard vampire lord who is keeping him in a cage of sorts) and so gently trying to steer him away from Dracula. Maybe they wouldn't fall in love, they're not each other's type at all, but they could grow close.

also i still haven't grasped joachim on that front but i have my headcanons on hector and isaac's lax/concerning relationship with sex and good luck to the vampire trying to fix it :P

This has turned into a incoherent rant lmao, I'm still trying to sort my opinions here 😂

[all-soul-crossover-comic]

IT IS TIME. FOR THE CRINGE FEST.

This is back when instead of "bitch" I said "bish" and didn't have a damn clue. To begin, here is snufkin with a gummy snake. He was going to have a pet gummy snake named regina.

He looked so menacing and white

I would not trust him with my finances. Beyond the "keep reading" thing, there is actual pages. It's been two years. It is time to reflect on my dark past.

The original run was only three pages. I gave up after not many people paid attention to it. Probably because it was trash. But still.

RIP Blueberry Muffin...

Also, a nine year old says the word damn. I was 12 when I made this lol.

Oh so I just skipped to when they already settled in? Oh. Ok. I remember making a version that had snufkin saying "Jerk" instead of "Douche" because the amino I was posting it in had a rule against cursing.

The worst page. Never want to look at it again. I was hoping to to make it an ask thing, but like...I was three pages in and nobody was paying attention-

The original ask prompt pages are all lost to time. Or probably somewhere on my main blog idk I don't wanna go through all that shit, it's like diving into the Mariana trench. I'm too lazy. I just know I deleted the ask prompt pages in shame from certain sites.

Even now, with a little more support than before, I don't get asks. Wish I could go back and tell myself not to rush it out. To make it actually worthy of attention from others. But yk, can't change the past.

Time for more miscellaneous stuff. Slightly creepy stuff.

This was back when ages weren't established, but no matter what it's creepy.

Like how else are people supposed to take this lmfao

Also it says she's married because of the guy that married a miku hologram (and apparently divorced it????)

Anyway that stuff quickly left.

This is 80% snufkin. I loved snufkin. Still do. Don't draw him this much anymore tho-

The image with blood coming from his mouth (he bit his tongue) is what i consider a sort of in-between from the transition from sfc to All Soul. He's gaining some of the personality he has now. Blood is becoming a theme.

I also have some colored traditional drawings from around this time. I'll share them when I find them, and same with the digital pieces.

I didn't really think of winx club when I started it. I only really got into winx after the absolute garbage fire that was fate. Still hate it. Trying to be better than it. Probably gonna end up like it anyway, everything I write is like a soap opera.

Anyway, prepare for the sprinkling of cringe in the coming weeks as I find old all Soul related artwork. Maybe I could even show off my 2016 artwork.

[nyagrounds]

BETS AGAINST THE VOID - a chosendark playlist

(...edit, the embed seems to be wrong?????? i recently edited the song order and cut some songs but its not reflecting it for some reason. maybe itll be fixed later or smth but for now heres a static link to the actual thing: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/09ZLrgwE8pp0RQltFBCevE?si=2555ac48895a452f)

Los Campesinos! - We Throw Parties, You Throw Knives

when you play pass the parcel with human bodyparts / somebody might get head but someone will get hurt / and i’ll sing what you like / if you shout it straight back at me

The Wombats - Walking Disasters

and flowers may wilt when we walk past / and self-help might help when it makes us laugh / only finding questions in answers, / you and i are just walking disasters

The Front Bottoms - Everything I Own

but i won't stop this, and you won't stop this, / it'll probably go further than either of us wanted it / it all comes down to the fact that i don't care to / sacrifice a good time 'cause someone says I have to

Of Montreal - We Will Commit Wolf Murder

anti-human armies spring from every angle / you're the only soldier i don't want to strangle / i can see it's a dolorous fate (so don't expect us to cooperate) / anyway it's five lives too late /

(and there's blood in my hair)

The Scary Jokes - Jeanine

guess it doesn't really matter if you're open or not / i'm verbose enough for the both of us / and we can't all be open floodgates after all / but you don't have to be a dam for me

Stars - We Don’t Want Your Body

the window blinds are drawn / you flash some trash to turn me on / i sigh and frown and start to cough / your hunger starts to turn me off

The Front Bottoms - HELP

on some nights there's something cool to do / on some nights there is nothing to do at all / i guess it's cool for right now / just like everything else

OK Go - The Writing’s on the Wall

it seems like forever since we had a good day / the writing's on the wall / but i just wanna get you high tonight / i just wanna see some pleasure in your eyes / some pleasure in your eyes

The Front Bottoms - Be Nice To Me

what's it matter anymore / if you believe the lies i tell / there's no meaning to the words but we still sing these songs well / if we all left it alone i'm sure it'll work itself out fine / we keep playing with the numbers, we are running out of time

Spoon - Rainy Taxi

and when you stand beside me, i feel something stronger than i ever could / but if you leave, you better run away for good

Kim Petras - Tell Me It’s A Nightmare

be careful when you love me / i'm only out for blood / you know i’d be the end of you / but you always wanted more

DECO*27 - アンドロイドガール

is it alright to indulge in "sentimentalism"? / am i allowed to long for those days, even now? / is that a yes or a no? / tell me clearly

Spoon - Shotgun

calling for blood with your battle song / i'd rather not, got my own thing going on / i never wanted to take it outside / you're the one that had to go bring that fight

The Wombats - Our Perfect Disease

let’s not talk about hate when there’s hell to pay / for my cowardice and your bad timing / we don’t admit it but we’ve never seen eye to eye / and it’s not due to lack of trying

WALK THE MOON - In My Mind

the phone is off the hook, the keys are down the drain / just an empty book with nothing on the page / i no longer have the voice to say goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Grimes - Pin

dirt in your fingernails, blood on your knees / but did that ever make you happy? / i think you were my best friend / gentle, do not reprehend / i know it hasn't been a dream / but if you pardon, I will mend

The Scary Jokes - Bets Against the Void

will you remember me when our spirits scatter off? / i know i'm an artist cause i just can't stand the thought / that a love as beautiful as ours could be / forgotten

[marshmallowprotection]

....um

So I have serious self-esteem issues which make me feel bad about my looks and how other people think of me.

And the huge counter problem is - I'm LAZY.

Extremely. Extremely, lazy.

I want to improve myself. And I feel motivated for like ten minutes and get all ready and everything, but then bam. Zero motivation. I dont even care.

I want to like myself, I want to improve how I look because I have this awful sense (and know from time to time) that people just...look at me a bit weird. And kind of awkwardly. I don't look as good as everybody else, I don't have nice or even many clothes, I don't know what to do with my hair but it's so...bad.

My personality doesn't seem to be very much...attractive either. Even in terms of getting friends. I don't even think I've had any that haven't eventually just gravitated away to some other group. And then I feel just a really sad jealousy.

Really often and actually all the time now, I can't help but feel like I'm so ugly. And even better, I don't do anything about it.

I cry so much over this. I'm lazy and I hate it. It's the worst trait. It's ugly, and makes me feel like I'm disgusting for not and a lot of the time, not even wanting to make myself look good.

And yes it's so stupid to ask for reassurance from a totally fictional person but Saeran is my comfort character

And sure he might not be very confident in himself but at least he looks so good. And his personality is sweet and kind. And accepting.

Ugh. But this is so dumb.

HOW CAN I GET COMFORT FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS FROM A DUDE THAT'S NOT REAL AND WOULD PROBABLY THINK I WAS GROSS ANYWAY 😭😭😭 I BELIEVED LEGIT EVERYTHING SUIT SAID ABOUT BEING UGLY, I WAS JUST LIKE YEAH YOU GOT IT

(I'm so sorry. This is my rock-bottom self esteem crying out)

I see that you're having a hard time with your sense of self. I think all of us have hit a low point before where it's hard to look in the mirror and like the person that's looking back at us.

It doesn't matter if you've started to put the work in to learn how to like yourself, sometimes it's hard. Sometimes you have a really bad day and you can't help but not like the person you see. It's easier to blame yourself than it is to look at all the factors in a situation.

Why think about blaming others or looking at the bigger picture of your circumstance when it's so much easier to look back at your reflection and say that it's all your fault? 

However, I will tell you something you might not have heard before. The words you say have power and the more you say something, the more you begin to believe it. If you're somebody who started out joking that you were trash and no good, eventually, you'll get to a point where you start to believe those things.

The more you say something, the more you believe it. Words have power. I'm not saying you need to look in a mirror and say that you love the person you're looking at. But you certainly shouldn't be saying that you're disgusting and no good. 

Nobody deserves to feel that way about themselves. It doesn't matter who you are or the things you've gone through, don't say nasty things about yourself. You don't have to say a positive affirmation about yourself, you can even say a neutral one, but it's better to avoid speaking ill of yourself if you want to feel better. It's the first step in many steps that come along with the process of learning how to be kind to oneself. 

You're not stupid nor are you ridiculous for one and comfort from a character that inspires you. I don't think it's silly in the slightest to desire that. Human beings are creatures that need to be around each other. It doesn't matter what you experience in your life, everybody needs at least one person in their corner if they can have it. It's lonely if you don't have that. It takes time before people can find a circle where they feel like they belong, and sometimes it doesn't feel fair that you haven't been able to find it yet. Hold your breath and keep trying because someday you will find people that understand you for you. 

Right now, if Saeran inspires you, let him. You're not pathetic or miserable for wanting to hear words from him that are positive. I don't think I'd be who I am today if it wasn't for having a character like him in my life. Am I silly for finding comfort or inspiration from somebody like that? No, I'm not. So neither are you. Don't beat yourself up for something that you would consider okay for others but not okay for yourself.

It's like if you wanted to have a popsicle but you decided to give everybody else the popsicles. Why don't you deserve the popsicle? 

[kob131]

Unfortunately this isn’t Monkey 60, it’s someone else. The big issue that manga made and I can see it is how ultimately nothing matter. Don’t mistake my intentions, loving who you are is a great message but when the message involves a character being ignored while showing signs of heavy depression to the point of being not alive (I’m hoping this phrase is okay) and them magically getting over it feels sorta disgusting. It’s like a bad form of coping that I feel is more toxic than positive and the writers are trying to paint it like committing not alive (again I’m hoping this phrase is okay) and being reborn makes all the problems go away.

Thanks for coming back Anon.

And considering you're talking to a guy whose had suicidal thoughts and has depression- you could have just said 'comitting suicide' and it would have been fine.

I hope you see this because I'm gonna be bearing a lot here.

I feel like Kamen doesn't understand the complexities of depression and suicidal thoughts.

The mentioning of how Ruby's friends and family don't show concern for Ruby? That's not true. They do show concern for Ruby. Everyone is visibly uncomfortable when Ruby gives the parting line at the end of V9 E2. Blake tries to comfort Ruby during E7 and remind her of staying cheerful. Yang...does this three fucking times.

Do you want to know what Ruby herself does each time? She rejects them. She pushes them away or shoots down their concerns. Then she explodes on them for things that are either not their fault or just trying to move on.

RUby wasn't ignored- She felt ignored because she was isolating herself.

And just as well- Only Ruby could pull herself out of that slump. Only Ruby could pull herself out of that hole she dug herself in. Only Ruby could overcome that.

'But isn't it really wrong to just have your character magically get over suicidal depression after a small talk?'

Maybe. But you know what would be worse than Ruby's situation?

Losing the only man who ever believed in you, showed faith in you and guided you. Your so-called comrades not only TRULY ignore your pain, one of them even says that you're at fault for his death because you had an emotional episode and he died saving you. And all he gets is a minor call out by his sister. But you getting up in your friend's face, putting blame on him for your bro's death because of his religion? That's a big no-no. And the only person to actually try talking to you is some girl you found about a day ago. But hey, it's all better now! The girl you use to have a crush on told a story about your bro that you might have not even heard and you're all better after a speech!

I mean, what awful, no good, poorly written, obscure trash could that even be-

Oh. It's not only one of the most well remembered scenes in one of the most well beloved recent anime-

It's the story of the character who inspired me to keep living.

Yeah, I wasn't just saying bullshit to defend RWBY when I said I've had suicidal thoughts. That is something i legitimately went through. Back when i was in high school, with depression destroying my motivation to work on my grades, my mom screaming her head off at me about how I was ruining my life, how I hated how angry and temperamental I was. I legitimately thought about sliting my wrists and walking out into the snow to die.

And then i caught Kill La Kill on Toonami at my grandpa's house. I thought it looked cool so I looked it up and found Gurren Lagann. And I binged watched it. I watched a kid who went through far worse than me, finding himself in as deep a hole as me. And he pulled himself out. He found the will to keep living, to keep fighting, to break through any wall in front of him. And by the end, Simon was a true hero.

And that inspired to keep living.

I'm sorry but the arguments Kamen and so many make about Ruby's arc would also apply to Simon's. That there's no self reflection? Simon proceeds to do reckless bullshit throughout the series.

That no one cares about them and no one reflects on how they affected them? Team Dai-Gurren legitimately NEVER check up on Simon or try talking to him. NIA did more for him than they did and she knew him for a fucking day.

That what they did to them was toxic? Gee, at least Team RWBY admitted they may have made a mistake. Kittan, the guy who threw Kamina's death into Simon's face, acts like he always knew he was okay and he suffers no consequences for his actions.

That they're magically okay afterwards? Trying to show me a picture of Ruby coming back and Simon coming back would be like that Office meme- they're the same damn picture.

In every regard, for me to accept that RWBY fucked up would be to accept that Gurren Lagann fucked up as bad if not WORSE. And that doesn't work considering it resonated with me enough to keep going.

So I hope you understand why I don't think these arguments work. Especially since I know quite a few of these guys are Gurren Lagann fans.

[google-searchhistory-official]

'So Mr. Grimm. Where'd the name come from? I understand Pepsi came about just walking amongst trash. But Grimm... Why that name? Even with the two little "M's" at the end. I doubt it was your actual surname in life as a human. No... you stole it from the brothers Grimm when you started becoming monstrous. Why sully the lineage you deviated from, dirty a surname with blood it should have never had. You chose Grimm because of their fairytales. Morbid and gruesome in their ends. An end you hoped to face but never did.'

"Sure? I guess it makes sense but on the other hand I don't remember being fully human. It was just what I could recall from beyond the void"

'Tell me... Have you seen your reflection?'

"No."

'Not even by accident when drinking water or passing by a glass window?'

"I don't go into human settlements and have no need of food or drink."

'Your decrepit, scrawny appearance says otherwise. You have need of sustenance but outright refuse it. You're scared to live without the comfort of pain.'

"I'm not scared. I admit to being a monster and from my understanding, monsters will be forced to pain if they refuse to accept it. I just skip the middle man and accept the worst pain I can before others can use such a nothing feeling against me. I keep myself on the verge of death for the exact same resson."

'You are very contemplative for a monster. But what a shame, you cannot see your own fear despite that.'

"What fear could I possibly hold. Death has no meaning to me and I trudge through life knowing nothing can hurt me in a way I don't expect."

'You fear reminders of humanity. This very conversation you have shifted anxiously in your seat. Your reflection would bring back the reminder of a more human appearance. You are very reluctant to pull memories from before this 'void' that the only thing you have given me from it is your name. You are scared of falling back into human tendencies and call yourself a monster to refuse the very idea of any humanity you cling to. I must say, you are a very polite monster to have allowed this conversation.'

"...Tell me. What reason would I have to not indulge this conversation. You are aware I'm depriving myself of food and drink and that makes me seem weak. That you can kill me at any moment with that concealed sidearm despite only having one bullet in the chamber. I'm polite out of necessity, and out of boredom."

'How long have you known about the gun?'

"I could smell the gunpowder a mile away. You were doing target practice before you came to meet me and that sour smell mixed with the sweet scent of metal gave you away."

'...You don't seem mad?'

"Despite your insistence of what I fear, I still recollect emotions of my time as a a human. Of a kid scared of the boogeyman. You are living a child's nightmare just being in my presence. Your curiosity is strong but I still smell fear on you. I commend your bravery to seek out and interview monsters."

'...'

"What's the matter doc. Cat got your tongue? Realizing that psychoanalyzing a monster does not work when the monster can see through your fancy words and analysis?"

'Are you just playing with me? Is this a long and drawn out way to trap your food?'

"No. Like I said, I'm bored. Besides, I want my first meal to taste good. Not just a random kill of some nosy human who, well, smells more of urea than fear. Tell ya what, if it makes you feel better. Shoot me with that bullet, I'll drop to the ground, and you get to run feeling like you did something in spite of your fear."

'...No. I'm not going to shoot you. I'll leave you be to your twisted world.'

"Why? Does death scare you? Oh... That's it isn't it. Death scares you so you wanted to find the undead"

'No.'

"No? Give me your gun then."

'...Goodbye Mr. Grimm. You are a pitiful being. So much so I think you'd oughta change your name to Gollum'

"I'll stick with Pepsi Grimm thank you very much."

[weabooweedwitch]

Can you understand why you saying 'ok well I guess my only option is to kill myself' is just more of this toxic behavior? In your other posts you were talking about how your mom doesn't deserve basic respect and that you were totally righteous in what you were doing, and when you get called out it's 'I guess I should just kill myself' as if you can't just make better choices? You chose to treat your mom like trash and you can choose in this moment to be a better person. The source of the problem is that you think certain people don't deserve to be treated with respect and you blame others for your own reactions, which are both perspectives you can easily shift if you want to. Just take ownership of yourself, put yourself in others' shoes more and reflect on the issues that cause you to react such as narcissism and borderline. I'm sorry if I'm wrong but it feels like you're acting out the 'cry' part of crybully rather than showing genuine remorse for how you treat people, just so that people will backtrack and comfort you and tell you the things you want to hear, which i'm sure many people will now because attracting enablers through pity is a classical narcissist pattern. Stop looking for an out and face yourself and your flaws and stop using this idea of 'I can't change' as an excuse to just give up because everyone can change if they really want to

I've gone to therapy for years. I've tried different medicine for years. I spent so many trips as a minor being an inpatient doing DBT for years. I've had therapists tell me my mom won't let me set boundaries and she wears me down until I do what she wants. Now I can't stand for myself without getting angry because I'm never listened to. She always told me everyone only sided with me because I lied and manipulated them? But I've never tried to do that? I've never wanted to do that? All I've ever said is how I felt. Have I just been living my entire life not knowing I was am absolute monster?

Have I just been WRONG whenever I felt like someone did something bad to me? Was everything always my fault?

I try to tell people over and over "hey please don't do this, please don't do that, hey, I keep gently reminding you I need XYZ" whether it's at work or home and I just get ignored or talked over or blamed. Even my own fucking managers are leaving sticky cans of energy drinks in my work area, my fucking managers can't even do really basic picking up after themselves when I'm literally the only night employee

I scheduled a day off to try and go with my mom to the dentist and also because I needed to go to the doctor and im only gone 2 days and I come back and everything is not only exactly where I left it, but my work was, undone by someone else shoving everything together, not separating things, literally undoing everything I spent my whole shift doing, and then I have to spend time cleaning up after them, and then I run out of shelves because they didn't work anything out, and then I'm asked "Miranda why didn't you do 5 or 6 pallets on your shift? Why is there still a bag of trash here?" And it won't even be mine

Have I just been secretly incompetent and stupid and pathetic my entire life, even as I was doing my best? Even as I was trying to be a good friend? Even as I've barely held myself together? Was I just actually being a manipulative freak that whole entire time?

Then I don't deserve to be better. I don't deserve for anyone to have sympathy. If I can try and try and nothing I can do is seeming to fix things or impr9ve things or at least help others, then my life is pointless. Then I have no worth.

I didn't even know I was lying to myself this whole entire time