#and I want sydney to thrive and be happy

[drewsbuzzcut]

Wake For The Glory

Mat Barza x model!fem!reader

A visceral in doses fic

Warnings: mentions/alludes of sex and alcohol consumption (this is only slightly edited)

This takes place in present time (pre kids)

“You’re so sexy.”

“You played so well tonight.”

“I’m so proud of you, hotshot.”

You heave out those words in between the kisses being planted on Mat. He willingly takes your assault, thriving in the attention you’re providing him.

If you weren’t so distracted by your boyfriend, you’d feel bad for the driver who has to listen to your moans and the smack of your lips on Mat’s. You’re not on his lap, yet, but you do have a leg tossed over his and your body is pressed into his side. Between every breathless lip lock exchange, you try to guide your core over his pant clad thigh. Almost silent whines of discontent escape your throat when your efforts prove to be fruitless.

“I want you to fuck me,” you whisper in Mat’s ear, giggling when you feel him shiver.

“You’re going to have to wait, pretty girl,” he mutters into your open mouth kiss.

You pout at him and before you can argue, you’re nothing being ushered out of the car and into the bar. You’re immediately greeted by Sydney and Alexa, making you forget all about your hot commodity of a boyfriend.

“You changed?” Alexa asks, noting you’re no longer donning your Barzal jersey and black, leather pants. Instead you’re in a mini skirt and a sheer, black sleeveless turtleneck.

“Yes! I had to make the backseat my changing room,” you explain. It’s not the first time you’ve had to change in the backseat of a car. It’s actually happened a lot more than you’d think, but that’s because you’re a model and sometimes you have to make quick changes.

“You’re literally my favorite it girl,” Sydney grins, pulling you and Alexa into a group hug.

“Please. I can only wish to be as cool as you when I grow up,” you say sincerely. You admire Sydney so much.

“Let’s go get some drinks!”

After a quick five minutes at the bar ordering drinks, you and the girls make your way to an empty pool table. You laugh and chat as you three move around the table.

“What’re your plans with Mat for the offseason?” Alexa asks as she spies Mat behind you, staring you down without you even realizing.

“Italy for a month, Canada for I’m not sure how long, and maybe Bahamas. I’m for sure going to the Bahamas because I have a photo shoot scheduled, but I’m hoping Mat will come with me,” you respond, getting ready to take your next shot at the game.

You grab your pool stick and get into position to shoot the cue ball. You lean down to get eye level and calculate your next move.

“Of course I’m going with you. I’d never miss an opportunity to see you in a bikini,” Mat whispers hotly in your ear. His body cages you in from behind, his hands settling on the edge of the table and the whiskey on his breath invading your senses. It makes you completely miss your shot as you feel a pulse of excitement spark deep in your core.

“You messed up my shot,” you groan, ignoring his words but turning around to face him.

You give him a playful shove to his chest, trying not to laugh at his infectious cackle. Your chrome, islanders blue nails scratch at the nape of his neck. You smile at his relaxed state, eyes closed and lips spread out in a grin.

“I’m going to need you girls to stop stealing my girlfriend away from me,” Mat teases his teammates’ significant others.

He wraps an arm around your neck and glues his lips to your flushed cheek. You’re happy to rub at his muscled torso.

“Oh hush. I needed some girl time,” you respond.

“That’s not what you were saying in the car,” again he whispers in your ear, his teeth nipping at your lobe and making you squirm.

It’s so hard not to fall into your own little bubble when you’re around Mat. He just makes everything disappear. You wrap both arms around his neck and pull him into a kiss. Mat holds you at the waist as his tongue swirls around yours, pulling soft moans from your throat. Sydney and Alexa snicker at the both of you, but it’s not enough to grab your attention.

“Do you hear the song? I think it’s a sign for us to go home,” Mat says against your lips. Your ears catch the opening of “Tempest” by Deftones. It’s one of the songs on your sex playlist.

“Nope. You’re the one that has to wait now, hotshot.” Your lips drag against his and with your last word, you bite and pull on his bottom lip.

The look in your eye is dangerous and alluring, Mat feels like a moth to a flame. Your hands are even worse as they tease the hem of his jeans and the zipper covering his thickening cock.

You peck his mouth and turn around, so your back is to his chest. His hands grabs ahold of yours and he moves your body along with his to the beat of the song. Your ass grinds against his groin and his large hand takes up your entire abdomen. Even though you’re on the taller side, Mat easily makes you seem much smaller.

It doesn’t even dawn on the both of you that you’re dancing in a bar when no one else is. You and your boyfriend are just simply enjoying the moment and teasing each other until you’re dragging one another to the restroom. You lean your head back against his shoulder and let your doe eyes gaze into his darkened stare. Images of him fucking you to the song swirl in his irises.

Lifting your chin, you suck on the sharpness of his jaw. You continue your path until your lips are next to his ear.

“Stare at the ceiling and switch back to your time. Just go ahead now, try and taste it. I know it should be ripe,” you rasp the lyrics and your voice -albeit you’re not a singer- hypnotizes him like a vicious siren call.

You know exactly what you’re doing and you’re smug about it. Your devious smirk alerts him of your teasing and he can’t help but be in awe of you. Especially when you willingly follow him into the restroom after the song concludes.

a/n: This is just a random thought I got this morning! It was very needed as I’ve been stuck on the other fics/blurbs for them. Anyways I hope you all enjoy!

[noellawrites]

Girl Next Door - yandere!Carmy Berzatto x reader

summary: Carmy becomes obsessed with the sweet coffee shop owner next door.

warnings: stalking, masochism, breaking and entering, nudity, masturbation mention.

The coffee shop had appeared seemingly overnight. Or maybe Carmy just hadn’t noticed until you knocked on the door to The Bear with a big coffee traveler and an even bigger smile.

“Hello! My name is (y/n) and I own the coffee shop next door, River North Roastery!” you said without prompting once Carmy opened the door.

Carmy nodded in recognition, vaguely remembering Mikey and Richie talking about some cute young woman taking over the shop a few years back.

Your sunny disposition and high energy levels at seven o’clock in the morning were astonishing. Carmy hated it, but had to respect it.

You handed him the cardboard traveler and it weighed down his arm, causing him to set it down next to the door. You lingered in the doorway and continued speaking to Carmy.

“I just wanted to bring this by for you and your employees, since you’re all working so hard. Your brother would be really proud. I remember when I started working next door and he’d come in for a black americano, small. Really sweet guy,” you babbled on as Carmy remained silent.

“Uh, thanks,” he finally mustered, looking up and finally seeing your face. You were young, a few years younger than him, and you looked at him as if waiting for some sort of approval.

“You’re so welcome! And let me know if you need any help,” you said with a smile.

Carmy watched, entranced as you turned and walked next door back to your own establishment.

You stayed on his mind for the rest of the day, so unaffected that he could only nod as the rest of the crew talked about you.

"She's been there for a few years, wasn't always the owner though. Coffee's good but expensive," Marcus explained.

"Yeah, I think it's a family business of some sort. She definitely didn't build that place from the ground up. She's such a sweetheart though," Sugar recalls from the few times she'd been in your shop.

A flash of irritation ran through Carmy. It must've been nice, inheriting a family business that wasn't in fucking shambles. Not having to gut the place from the inside out, fish through stacks of improperly stored documents and pay thousands in back-taxes.

"I think she's around my age. I remember reading that story about her in Edible Chicago. She's championing sustainable coffee bean farming or something like that," Sydney piped up.

"Yeah, she's a nice piece of ass. I think Mikey tried to hit it, but of course she was creeped out, fuckin' Mikey. I would'a tapped that too," Richie chuckled.

A chorus of "ew, Richie!" and "ugh, gross!" rang out, causing Richie to put his hands up in surrender and leave to go smoke outside.

All this talk was pissing off Carmy even more. You seemed to have the perfect setup, managing a thriving business barely into your 20's. He'd bet anything that you didn't have to deal with someone like Chef Fields breathing down your neck, either.

He decided to do what he did best, though. Push his feelings down so deep that they had no choice but to eventually come out, even more toxic and volatile than before.

—

Another day passed with Carmy's thoughts only able to focus on you. The curiosity plagued him so deeply that at half past eight, the only thing he could do was walk over and order a coffee.

Blessedly, you were at the register, smiling and talking to customers as if they were friends.

As the line progressed, Carmy moved up towards you. When it was his turn, he stood right on the other side of the counter. Your eyes brightened and Carmy's eyes darted around, looking anywhere but at you.

"Oh my gosh, hi! It's Carmy, right? I'm so happy you came in. How are the renovations going?" you asked, smiling.

"Uh, it's goin' alright. Thanks again for the coffee, the team appreciated it," Carmy found himself saying.

"I'm so glad! What can I get started for you?" you asked, looking Carmy right in the eyes. Did you really have to do that?

"I'll, uh, take whatever my brother used to get,' Carmy answered, dropping his eyes the floor.

"Okay, perfect. Anything else I can get for you?"

"Nah, just the coffee."

"Alright, Mr. Berzatto! I'll have that ready at the end of the counter," you say kindly, signaling to the opposite side.

"Uh, how much?" Carmy said awkwardly, reaching into his pocket where he's stuffed a few bills.

"Oh don't worry, it's on me today! And here, I hope to see you again soon," you wink, handing him a frequent customer card with one punch on it.

—

Carmy had hoped the coffee would be disgusting. He dreamed about pouring it down the front of you, soaking your clothes in steaming liquid and watching you cry. He shook the thought away when he realized it sounded like something Chef Fields would do. But maybe that was part of the appeal.

And as much as he hated it, the black americano was the best he'd ever had.

Every night, Carmy was always the last to leave. He sometimes even slept in the office, slumped in the ratty office chair, head resting on the cold tabletop.

But tonight, he had a plan.

Tonight Sugar was the last to leave, asking an annoying amount of times if Carmy was okay. His big sister could tell that something was off, but she would never find out just what it was.

He pulled on a baseball hat, shoving an old ski mask in his empty pocket and locking up the restaurant.

Carmy loitered in the alley across the street for at least thirty minutes, watching you rush around to close up the shop. He must’ve chain smoked at least eight cigarettes while he waited.

Then, at last, you exited the shop, locking it behind you and saying your goodbyes to the older male barista who’d helped you close.

You started on your way to the closest L train stop, jacket and purse pulled close to your body.

Carmy followed about five yards behind, making sure he could still see you while not being close enough to freak you out.

Carmy managed to slide into the same train car as you. He took a seat in the way back, head down to hide his face under his baseball cap.

He watched you, calm and happy, and realized he was finally submitting to his urges. Since the moment he’d seen you, he knew what he wanted. He wanted to see you scared, vulnerable, all your confidence gone. And he was so close now.

Before long, you got off at your stop so Carmy did, too. You didn’t live too far away from the stop, above a Chinese restaurant.

Carmy watched from a distance, waiting for you to click on a light so he’d know which apartment you lived in. He toyed with the bobby pins in his pocket; he could pick locks, but was slow at it. Mikey had always made fun of him for that.

You clicked on your light and Carmy’s plan sprung into action. He entered through the (blessedly unlocked) side stairs beside the restaurant, taking extra care to avoid any loud footfalls.

He had to remain extra quiet as he worked the bobby pins inside your lock. It seemed as though you were taking a shower, as he could hear the heavy pattering of water, but he couldn’t be too sure.

It took a few minutes but he was in. The apartment was so utterly you. You had a custom coffee stand complete with a thousand-dollar espresso machine and a variety of what looked like homemade syrups and extracts.

You had warm lighting, large rugs, everything seemed to make your apartment look cozier and admittedly large. The apartment was much bigger than it looked from the outside and bigger than his own.

Carmy took off his shoes and crept carefully towards the bathroom, where the shower was on. Light music drifted under the door, which made him furious for some reason. How could you live like this while he barely survived, trapped in his own mind day in and day out?

The shower turned off and he could feel his plan being set in motion. Carmy positioned himself beside the door, ready at any moment.

The moment you exited the bathroom, Carmy pounced. He slammed you against the bathroom door, covering your mouth with his hand to prevent your screams.

Your towel dropped to the floor and your eyes alone screamed for help, welling up with tears. You struggled a bit at first, but Carmy was much stronger than you and subdued you in no time at all.

Carmy looked down at your naked body, feeling a sense of pride. You looked exactly as he’d pictured while he jerked himself off in the dead of night. And you belonged to him now.

[gnnosis]

i have a theory about the bear & carmy’s artistic talent and no one else (that ive seen!) seems to be talking abt this. gotta get it out there so if it happens i can say i predicted it

carmy is going to leave the restaurant industry. we see time and time again that carmy is not happy in the industry, and maybe never has been. he’s traumatized by the fancy restaurant he worked at. he wanted to work at the beef, but only to be with mikey. he took over the beef because he (felt he) owed it to michael — and because he had the skills — not out of some great love of cooking. he only got to his level of skill out of a self-professed “fuck you” to mikey! carmy’s not happy. “this shit’s not fun for me,” he says to richie. make no mistake — he’s really, really good at it. but he’s not happy. the industry brings out the worst version of him, every single time. the stress of the kitchen turns him into the bear from the 1x01 opening, into his mother.

contrast this with syd and richie, tina, even marcus. even under stress, even with everyone yelling at each other, the kitchen brings out the best in them. they’ve improved their skill levels because they feel they owe it to themselves. richie thrives under the pressure of being a concierge, he’s a new man, he wears suits now. tina is a transformed person because she’s begun to believe in herself (and knows others believe in her). marcus (although thwarted by his own hyper-focus sometimes) delights in the craft of being a pâtissier, creates spectacular, thoughtful dishes — he flourishes.

and sydney. sydney, under stress, opening night, is throwing up in the bushes, like we know carmy did in a job that was Bad for him. but it’s not the stress of the job per se that’s getting to syd, but the pressure she’s put on herself to do well enough that her dad will see the bear as she sees it — her very own place in the industry she loves above all else, a place to practice her beloved craft, to take care of people, to pour everything she has into this one thing. it’s not the job making her physically sick, like it did carmy, it’s the pressure of showing how much she loves the job, of her dad thinking she’s doing well enough to deserve to love and devote herself to it as much as she is. and in the kitchen, under pressure, with carmy locked in the fridge, syd doesn’t panic, doesn’t yell and scream — not really. she collaborates with richie, delegates as necessary, steps up — and leads. she shines.

carmy as a chef is doing what he’s good at, performing the skills he’s cultivated. it might be the only thing he feels he’s good at. it’s all he’s ever really known. but it’s not healthy. it’s killing him. it’s ruining his relationships with everyone important to him. he needs to get out.

i predict that sydney and richie will take over the bear. probably with nat’s help behind the scenes. they love it. it gives them purpose. it makes them thrive.

and carmy… will go to visual arts school. (or simply become an artist. do people still do art school these days? if so… like… he could do worse than SAIC)

i don’t think the show has been dropping all these references to carmy’s artistic talent for no reason. the pants he designed (thom browne’s!), the drawings of claire they mention and then flash during his panic attack, the speculative drawing of the bear he gifts michael in 2x06, and the menu drawings that sydney gushes over. the painting he hates that’s hung in the restaurant? could you do a better one, carm?? in the future, will that get replaced with one of yours, carm??? his artistic talent is lingered on too much to not be indicating something about what carmy really loves. a talent he innately has but doesn’t seem to realize the depth of. what he’d spend his time doing absently before he got caught up in the rat race of the restaurant industry. he talks about art like it’s something he’s compelled to do, like it’s something he loses himself in. a flow state.

carmy can flourish too. it’s just that he’s going to need to go somewhere else to do it.

[iinsertblognamee]

purple to blue

summary ― you say goodbye to perth glory

pairing ― sam kerr x reader

warning/s ― fluff, angst?

masterlist

You and Sam had thrived in the Matilda’s. The wins coming one after the other. You had been fortunate enough to score multiple goals, bringing your team to victory. 

Although your skill caught someone else's eye. The offer to move to Sydney F.C. came after the Asian Cup Final. Kyah Simon was the first person you spoke to about the offer, she congratulated you with a cheer and a hug. You expressed your worries about moving over to the new team, and she assured you that the team was nothing but supportive and felt that it would be a great move for your career. 

You knew ultimately that Sydney F.C. would bring you the experience that you would need for your career, your parents agreeing that the change of teams could bring you skills and knowledge that Perth Glory didn’t have. Working with a new team, different coaches and trainers. 

The was one problem, Sam. The two of you had been playing for Perth Glory together for two years, it was one of the reasons you two had finally gotten together and you felt like you were cheating Sam out by moving. You knew the dreams you both had, holding that trophy for Perth Glory. Setting off the sunset with celebrations from your hometown. 

You had managed to pull Sam away from a night out with the Matildas, holed up in your hotel room. You had grabbed some room service, your nerves not helping with your appetite as you pushed the eggs around your plate. Sam caught on to it almost immediately but didn’t push. 

A few more minutes had passed, Sam’s plate empty whilst yours hadn’t been touched. The uneasiness radiating off you. You watched from the corner of your eye as Sam opened and closed her mouth a few times, debating if she should say anything. 

She does. 

“What’s going on Y/N?” 

Your mum had told you that the news was going to be hard for Sam to hear (she knew how much the two of you relied on each other) but you needed to just rip it off like a bandage so the two of you could work through it. 

That was easier said than done. 

“I-” the words got caught in your throat but you could hear your mum telling you to trust her. Trust Sam. 

“I-I have something to tell you, Sam,” you said hesitantly, trying to work out how exactly you were going to digest the rest of the information. 

Sam’s heart sank. She wasn’t stupid, the phrase often preluded bad news. In the back of her mind, she feared their relationship. Feared it was coming to an abrupt end. As much as she didn’t want it to happen, she couldn’t hear those words come out of your mouth. She needed to take some sort of control over the conversation. 

Without thinking, she blurts out “Are you breaking up with me?”. 

You notice the fear in her eyes instantly, tears welling up just as fast. Your head shakes. 

“No! No, god no,” You exclaimed, taking Sam’s hand as you continued to shake your head. “Sam I would never” you add, trying to establish where her thoughts were coming from. 

“Then what’s wrong? What’s going on?” her voice cracks, a clear sign she was on the verge of crying. The fear hasn’t left her eyes. 

“I’ve been offered a spot in the Sydney FC Team. They were impressed with how I played in the Asian Cup, my skills and consistency. It’s a really big opportunity.” 

The announcement hung in the air between them. You watched as the fear left Sam’s eyes, although her face expressed a range of emotions. Surprise, excitement, and disappointment. 

Sam knew how big this was, being a footballer herself she knew the importance of a team reaching out for you. She knew the answer was yes, no doubt in her mind and god, she was so happy for you. This was your dream coming true, but your dream meant leaving. Leaving home, leaving Perth Glory and leaving her. 

The silence prolongs as your face drops. Taking the silence as rejection. 

“Wow…” she pauses, trying to find the words. “Y/N. That’s…That’s great news!” Sam managed to stutter out, a smile appearing on her face but her eyes still held sadness. 

“Really?” you shyly ask, your eyes following her as she nods her hand with more determination. 

“Y/N this is great! Sydney wants you, I mean I can’t blame them. And they can offer you so much y’know?” 

“But what about us?” It was your biggest concern. As much as you loved Sam, you had never had to worry about distance. The furthest the two of you had been from each other was across the street. You knew that it would put a strain on your relationship. 

And was that really a risk you wanted to take?

“We’ll be okay. I promise. The distance won’t be forever, the season is only three months of the year, and we’ll see each other in the break weeks and the weeks we play against each other. And we have the matildas throughout the rest of the year. You’ll be with me more time than not. And we have phones and email. We’ll be okay Y/N. I’m not losing you this easily. I believe in us, love” 

You took Sam’s face in for a few more seconds, letting her words wash over you. She of course was right. Three months was nothing, and even then you would be able to see each other throughout it all. 

Your arms wrap around Sam, as you pull each other closer. A laugh leaves your lips as you start to bounce in her embrace. 

“I’m moving to Sydney FC!” you scream out, the excitement finally falling through. Sam joins in with the celebrations, cheering with you as you both jump up and down on the balcony. 

The paperwork was signed two days later, and pictures and jerseys were given out. Blue was your new colour. 

As exciting as the new team was it was daunting moving over for a short period of time. Kyah took you under her wing, the team welcoming. It helped that you weren’t the only new fresh face coming to the team. Miss Caitlin Foord and Alanna Kennedy joined the team alongside you. It was practically fate, the three of you falling into an easy-going trio. 

Being so close in age the three of you gravitated towards each other. The friendship bloomed almost instantly, stitched together by a shared passion and love for soccer. It wasn’t hard to get along, and the three of you found (as well as the rest of the team) that the three of you together meant trouble. 

In your first game of the season against Brisbane Roar, you managed to score the last goal, securing the team’s win. Caitlin and Alanna were first on the field running towards you as that final whistle went off. The three of you cheering and dancing, the rest of the team soon to join in. 

From there on out the three of you became a dynamic package. A hunger for dribbling past anyone who dared to stand between you and the soccer ball. You were all agile, fierce and almost impossible to defeat. Your instincts were your superpower, reacting in split seconds, a trait the three of you mastered through countless bruises and scraped knees (that didn’t stop any of you). 

Games went on, you cheered as Caitlin and Alanna both stepped foot on the field, scoring goals and dodging tackles. High fives and celebrations were constantly shared between the three of you as your friendship grew stronger and stronger. 

You spent countless nights on phone calls with Sam, sometimes the girls would join, and other times it was just you and Sam - sharing your secrets and telling point-by-point stories for the days that had passed. 

You had both agreed to keep your relationship private, your family knowing but that was the extent of it. You knew not everyone would be supportive of your relationship with Sam, and whilst you didn’t care what they thought you both knew it could create problems with getting selected for bigger and better things. With a clear understanding, the two of you decided for the best that you would maintain the ‘best friends’ relationship for the public. 

With that being said, it hadn’t taken long for your trio to now include Sam. The four of you moulded together into the tight-knit group of friends you were. When Sam came to visit you on her week off, the four of you painted the town red - getting yourselves in all sorts of situations that you couldn’t even begin to understand. 

It didn’t take long for numbers to be exchanged, as the three of you waved goodbye to Sam as she went back on her way. (You and Sam had said your real goodbyes the night before). The sacred secret was now shared with Alanna and Caitlin too. Although they claim they figured it out long before you and Sam told them. 

It was a relief having other people to share your relationship went. They helped you pick out gifts for your anniversary and made excuses for you when you needed some extra time on the phone with Sam. It also came with lots of teasing, sending Sam pictures of you moping around, and making kissy faces as the two of you talked on the phone. Sam absolutely loved it, she loved being able to openly show you off as her girlfriend. She’d get Alanna and Cailtin to give you flowers and chocolates on her behalf and when you got sick she gave them her mum’s homemade chicken soup recipe to help you get better. 

When Sydney FC made it to the grand finals Sam, your parents and Sam’s family made their way to Newcastle to cheer you on. Sam and her mum holding a homemade poster with your number in big bold letters with ‘Our Favourite Star’ written underneath. 

The game was tense, Newcastle Jets wanted the win as much as your team did. It was 1 - 1 by the 70th minute. The air was tense, Alanna had been subbed on and was showing the crowd exactly why she was put on. You watched the ball go back in forth between your teammates, ready on the side if they needed an escape. 

It happened in a blur, you watch Kyah pass the ball to Caitlin, an opponent close behind. She passes it over to you, immediately you start running. An open space breaks even as you dribble the ball past two other opponents and continue towards the goal. 

You were far enough out that you doubted your ability to score, looking around to see if there was anyone to pass to. You could hear the crowd screaming, you could hear Sam screaming. 

“You can do it, baby! Shoot. Shoot!” 

You manage to take a deep breath in and shoot. 

The ball flies through the air, an opponent jumping up to create a block, but the ball continues past her head and towards the goalkeeper. You watch as the goalkeeper dives, arms spread out but it’s not enough. The ball hits the back of the net. 

Silence. Your heart beating. 

The body jumps on your back and then cheers, more teammates joining the huddle as you feel them jump up and down. You manage to make out the crowd joining in with the cheers, you vision looking around at the cheering blue. Alanna screamed “Fuck yeah!” in your ear, the huddle breaking apart as people clap my back. 

You search for Sam, Your and her family jumping up and down with the crowd, her mum pulling yours into a hug. Your eyes meet, the pride on her face is enough to bring tears to your eyes. 

“I love you” she mouths, blowing you a kiss. You pretend to catch it, bringing it to your lips as you mouth “That one was for you”. 

The whistle blows six minutes later, the trophy hangs in the air as your team celebrates. 

Celebrations go into the night and onto the next day. A brunch with yours and Sam’s family to bring it all in. It was nice being with everyone again, the last time you’d all been together was before you made the move. Stories were told throughout the day, Sam’s hand resting on your thigh. The conversation had moved along, Sam and you soaking in each other’s company. 

“Did you hear the good news?” Sam whispers into your ear, her attention still on the table as you slightly move your head so you can watch her face. You shake your head. “We’re staying an extra night” 

“Everyone? Doesn’t your mum have work tomorrow?” 

“No baby, just you and me. And an empty hotel room”. 

Well, you couldn’t say no to that.

[ficsinhistory]

The weight of 2x05 - Pop

So, I'm watching The Bear again and watching the sixth episode of the second season is so, so difficult to the point of causing physical pain because it's the episode that makes clear that Carmy is self-sabotaging. Self-sabotaging because he still hasn't dealt with and resolved the trauma he still has, wanting to be a person he doesn't, self-sabotaging by getting into a relationship never wanted because that man definitely doesn't like Claire, and self-sabotaging specifically with Sydney (and the restaurant by extension).

See, there was no, no reason for him to be with Claire at that moment. Carmy knows how to drive. If he just wanted to help Nat, he'd drive to the post office and back to The Bear. But, he doesn't do that! Syd said they would talk after he got back and out of nowhere he calls Claire and spends the day away, which is unnecessary! You could argue that it would be because he wanted to set up a date and found a way but… the point is that he had already set up a date with Claire!

Transcript of episode 2x05 (POP): Carmy: Hey, hey. I, um, I know we were supposed to hang out later, but, um, I-I was wondering if you might want to take a drive to Winnetka with me instead.

And, do you know why he did that? Because this idiot knows, even if unconsciously, that something is going on. That there is something good happening. Something good with Syd happening. Carmy objectively knows that he likes spending time with Syd, that she is good for him, and that he has this admiration, kindness and softness always directed towards her. But, to be honest, he also knows on some level (even a shallow one) that it's not pure friendship. Carmy is an artist, a sensitive person, and even though he is emotionally stunted, he is not stupid… completely. But Syd and the whole idea of the restaurant that she, they created together, everything that this beautiful, intelligent woman represents, is new for him. It's different from anything he has ever experienced or witnessed in his life. Carmy has never dealt with such healthy situations and such a hopeful future. He has never fallen so much in love with someone he has so much in common. Someone who clearly respects him, admires him, helps him and makes him feel good and who, perhaps for the first time, he chose for himself.

He doesn't know how to deal, how to continue with so many unresolved situations that he still has and as doesn't have the courage to resolve yet, so he takes the easy way out. Carmy was born, raised and thrived in abusive situations. He was guided and raised his entire life by Mike as his biggest icon and reference, and he loved him despite everything that happened between them. The brother who Carmy still in mourning and has not resolved himself with his sudden departure, loss of fraternal relationship and this feeling that he has to honor and be proud. That's why Carmy tries to have a relationship with Claire, because that's what Mike wanted for him. It's the simplest path, where he doesn't change, where he doesn't need to make an effort because Claire does all this work for him and his brother would love them. No wonder Pop comes before Fishes. He follows what is familiar, what Mike would want, what he has been told is right. What was always repeated that would make him happy. Which manifests itself in the insistence of Fak and Richie since Mike died, and they were the closest to him and agreed with the older Berzatto's ideas. That's why he decides to basically run away from Syd when she goes after him to do something together. Like what happened in the episode when she wanted to discuss the menu and the cutlery, and he ducked the whole post office thing. And when Syd says, making it clear that she wouldn't let him get away with everything when he gets back, they would continue talking, Carmy calls Claire and finds a way to disappear for the entire day. And so Carmy takes a long, hard look at Fak before calling her.

That's why the episode ends by saying that Fak set everything up for Carmy after he returns to the restaurant and this dumbie decides that he's going to make the move to start this venture that Mike wanted him to try. Carmy never wanted Claire or this whole other persona he assumed, or at least tried to assume. But, he's too unresolved and a bit self-centered and cowardly to do anything about it, which ends up coming back to bite him and unfortunately Syd and the restaurant in the butt. And this ended up separating him from what he wanted and who he really wanted, with results bordering on disastrous. In S3 Carmy better sort herself out, because Syd can be patient, but she's already shown that she doesn't accept unhealthy situations forever. And then he may lose the things he once loved in life through no one's fault but himself.

[bootlegramdomneess]

What Will be the OutCome?

I was feeling bored and decided to ask my tarot cards a question...THE question. What are the writers intention for Sydney and Carmy? Here's what I pulled:

Starting in the middle (the top row). We have 7 of cups, 4 of swords, and 2 of cups. The bottom row, we have the 10 of cups, queen of cups, and the 2 of wands. On the outside, we have the hermit on the left, The world on top, and the Empress on the right.

When I read cards, I interpret them as though it’s a story. But first, let me identify some key words/phrases I’m hearing as I’m looking at these cards: healing from the past, taking care of your mental health. Withdrawing from something, making a choice, illusion, staying out of delusion. Emotional stability, harmony, contentment, creation, reset, finding your purpose, falling In love, coming full circle.

I will say this: their outcome looks good. Beautiful in fact. I’m interpreting these cards as the writer’s intention for these characters together.

Okay, so let’s start with the top row (7 of cups, 4 of swords 2 of cups)- The story is, both characters are making a choice. We left off on season 3 with Sydney having to make a choice concerning staying or going, and Carmy’s choice is about the C person. The 7 of cups represents choices, having options, being discerning in making the right choice, not being delusional or falling into delusion, not living in an illusion. This speaks to where both characters left off this season. Shapiro’s offer seems too good to be true. The 7 of cups is all about making sure you don’t make the wrong choice because, if it seems too good to be true, it usually is. Carmy is torn up about the C person. He thrives in delusion with his idolization of her, and what she really means to him. She is an illusion.

With the 4 of swords in between the 2 of cups and 7 of cups, this tells me there will be more emotional overwhelm. The 4 of swords represents a reset. It represents taking the time away to rest, get better mentally and physically. These 2 will be tired, but with the two of cups, it tells me they will heal each other. It’s a beautiful card. You see the two hands entwined over the cup full of water with the rainbows coming up? They’ll both be filling each other’s cups. It’s a card of emotional comfort, connecting with someone on a deeply emotional and intimate level, flirting,healing each other’s wounds. Falling in love.

Let’s take a look at the bottom row: We have the 10 of cups, Queen of cups, and 2 of wands. I also want you to pay attention to the top row because I am also looking at this vertically. The 10 of cups represent harmony in your relationships, happiness, contentment, fulfillment, and gratitude. With the 7 of cups on top of the 10 of cups, it tells me Carmy and Sydney will make the right choice for themselves ,which will bring on true fulfillment and harmony. (The options they have presented to them are making them miserable.)

The queen of cups represents emotional stability, empathy, compassion, being IN THE FLOW whether in a relationship with someone, your career etc. These two will heal. They’re both suffering with panic and anxiety and the queen of cups tells me they will find a way toward emotional stability. Toward dealing with their issues with themselves and each other.

Further proof of this is the four of swords on top of the queen of cups. This reset will give them emotional stability.  With the 2 of cups sitting in the diagonal position from the queen of wands, it shows me they will find emotional stability through their relationship/ partnership somehow. 2 of wands is about taking the first step after figuring out where you’re going. It’s also a card of stepping out of your comfort zone. Planning for the future, The two of cups is on top of this and oh boy, to me, that means these two will first discover their feelings for each other and then admit it to each other. They could also possibly travel somewhere.

Now, let’s look at the outside, we have: 1.The Hermit, 2.the World, and 3.The Empress. I’ll look at this as the past, present, and future.  (The Hermit and The world were the first 2 cards to jump out of the deck as I shuffled and asked the question).  

Okay 3 major arcana cards for the overall answer. Big Life Stuff guys.  The hermit represents a time of withdrawing and going within. It represents a fork in the road  and having to go within and do some deep, deep meditating and contemplation to discern where you are going in life. Will they go right or left? Also, it means to recuperate from the harder parts of life. It’s also an indication that you need to make more of an effort to get closer to someone. For me, I see, the separation is already happening, but this is needed because with the Hermit, it also means coming from a time of loneliness and isolation in order to recuperate and RESET. Sydney and Carmy need this in order to get back to where they were going.

The World means coming full circle. A sense of achievement, a sense of belonging,  finding your purpose, reaching your goals. These are things Sydney and Carmy will receive once they heal their relationship. Also, this confirms for me we will see these two travel…that may be apart of their reset.

Finally, we have the Empress. This card means so many things. Finding your power, Sensuality, nurturance, creation, creativity, love, marriage, commitment, pregnancy. The Empress, represents The Bear, Their relationship, their creativity. The Bear is Sydney and Carmy's baby. They will nurture it. They will nurture their relationship. Their creativity will be off the charts. They will commit to each other both as partners and lovers.

Well…there you have it folks..what do we think?

[persistentplums]

Sydney isn’t a mentee that’s Marcus.

Marcus, to some extent is like Carmy’s do over. I found it so heartbreaking and clear when Marcus went to Copenhagen then we see the episode of Forks where Carmy with quiet happiness tells his brother it was beautiful. The nail in the coffin was feeding an invisible cat he was sure wasn’t even there.

Sometimes we do things for others because we know the opportunity we went through changed us for the better, and of course we want others to thrive. I also do think though Carmy gives what he got as acknowledgment of his brother. Mikey was in a way right to keep Carmy out, the way he did it not so much but still Carmy had a great experience. He wouldn’t change it, he gave it to Marcus, he doesn’t regret it one bit.

I find it weird how people view Sydney as a mentee when from the start Carmy has given her half of everything he has that we know of. From his restaurant, his family, his control to the chef jacket. To me Marcus is the true mentee of Carmy, how passion strikes so strongly and deeply, and in emotion.

Compare the two conversations out in the alley in s1, Sydney was about walking tandem with Carmy how if this-their partnership-was to work she can’t be treated like everyone else he needs to listen to her. While Marcus, a fear of failure asks Carmy what if he messes up? Marcus fear of doing something so new in his life looks to someone who has experience. Tone wise it’s different too, with Carmy so serious in Syd conversation she fucked with him to ease him up vs Carmy teasing Marcus to show he has to get used to fucking up.

I really hate how Sydney character and capability is flattened to fit a narrative of women, which is a different topic but makes me wonder if there is a want of mentee and mentor romance there’s nothing stopping anyone from writing that way I just find it interesting that Sydney is put into that position when it is in fact Marcus.

[ladespeinada]

having finished watching the bear in the early hours of the morning, i have some thoughts rattling around in my head that i need to jot down because they keep distracting me from work, lmao. spoilers under the cut 

→ i had fun! it was emotional! it was stressful! i was entertained and then i had to suppress the feelings of familial relatability brought up in ep. 6!  → MARCUS!!! TINA!!! NAT!!! EBRA!!! RICHIEEEEEEE!!!!! All going through their own shit, changing, emotional, relentless, scared, nervous. I especially loved Richie this season and he had a speech in ep. 1 that broke my heart ("I'm 45, I've been here a long time, you feel me? I mean, you know what the fuck you're doing, you know. You love all this shit. It's fun for you. I don't have that. I'm afraid imma wake up and you guys are all just gonna cut—just drop this ass.")

→ Sydney, light of my life. Her fierce ambition, so obvious and strong in S1, got tempered by doubt and distrust in her partner, by the gradual recognition that she is doing so much, too much, by herself. I don’t think it bodes well that the last shots we get of her, she’s ralphing after opening night service—after an intense kitchen set-up that tests her limits and shows who she can and cannot trust. (Giving Carmy in NY, throwing up before service vibes). And honestly? I wouldn't be mad if she really, really starts doubting her partnership with Carmy and just dips. 

→ Anyway, I came back to add that Sydney, despite her doubts and not-unfounded fears, is such a positive source for those around her. We saw it in S1, when she gave Marcus a confidence boost, when Tina sought her approval after initially being very hesitant about her. And that faith in others just increased in this season, and god, to be around someone like that, who lifts others up no matter what, is so rare. I love her so much. (And her carrying around that book the whole season! Just holding onto courage and confidence, letting it shape her leadership.) 

→ I'm so happy Natalie wasn’t relegated to glimpses this time around. She's present and focused and involved in dismantling her family’s trauma and history, and I love that for her. I also love her and Syd's relationship (them almost being synchronised in saying Carmy Problem) and her interactions with Fak, lmao. 

→ Tina at culinary school! Tina with reservations about her place but thriving and finding inspiration. There's a moment where some of the people in her class all go out, and they invite her, and when she meets them at the bar, they've all got a nasty judgemental face (it's def an age thing) but then she EATS THEM UP at karaoke with a beautiful song in English & Spanish, TINA TE ADORO. 

→ I immediately re-watched Marcus's episode and I want a spin-off series where he stages at different world-renowned bakeries and lives his best patissier life. 

→ That Variety piece that said Carmy was the least interesting character in this show was RIGHT ("It’s no coincidence that these weaker points tend to involve Carmy, a character perfectly rendered by White who’s still the least interesting part of his own show.") 

→ Speaking of: the romance between Carmy and Claire (which we all unfortunately saw happening after the trailer, and is fucking annoying, and yes part of it is because I love Syd & Carmy together, but also because the showrunners pledged no romance in the show which would have been fine, too) is BORING. So boring. I know Claire is going to get a lot of hate and honestly, it's barely fair because she's just not developed as a character at all. Beyond being someone Carmy knew in his past, and who is now stealing his time and energy away from the restaurant, there's not much to her. She's written with so little dimension, and exists purely to be Carmy's lil girlfriend and it's disappointing. She could have at least been fucking interesting. 

→ Carmy's so angry around the time of the opening, and he projects it onto everyone else, and it's really his own fault that he's not aware of what's happening in the restaurant.  → Okay so another thing—Sydney talks about how much she wants a Michelin star, how it’ll make The Bear a true destination spot. And rudely, Carmy goes, “you really want one of these bullshit stars?” to which Syd says yes, I really do, and this fucking dickhead tells her: “you’re gonna to have to care about everything, more than anything” AND HE STILL LET HER DOWN!!!!!!!! The more I think about it, the more upset I get. 

→ Also, Michael doesn't haunt the narrative the way he did last season—his presence is so faint. There's moments, of course, but it just feels like something is missing or off. I had expected some sort of sentiment to come to the surface towards the end of the season at least, some sense of acknowledgement that maybe he would have loved The Bear, or hated it, or something, from literally anyone—Carmy, Nat, Richie, someone—but nope, nothing besides the cannoli.

→ Episode 6, man. Episode fucking six. Natalie Berzatto, you deserve peace. 

→ Anyway, overall there’s a sort of bite missing in this season. The looming threat of Cicero has been softened a lot and yes, obviously internal workings at The Bear are the new obstacles but it doesn’t feel quite the same. Maybe it's a lack of tension, or a lack of anxiety? I don't know how else to explain it.

[ncisfranchise-source]

At one point, we thought that Mark Harmon‘s final episode of NCIS would also be the show’s. But he left four episodes into Season 19, and the CBS drama continues to thrive. In fact, it’s now in its 21st season, and the franchise—which also consists of Hawai’i, Sydney, and the already-ended Los Angeles and New Orleans—reaches its 1,000th episode with NCIS‘ April 15 installment. So it feels like, to us, a Season 22 pickup is inevitable because this show can just keep going.

“I’m hoping so as well,” series star Brian Dietzen (who has played Dr. Jimmy Palmer since Season 1) tells TV Insider. “I think that no one ever wants to count their chickens, but I think that the show has been doing really well. And why stop at 1,000? I feel like we’re halfway there. We want a clean, even 2,000. We’ll just keep it rolling.”

Hey, the series maintained its viewership even after moving to Monday nights at 9/8c for Season 19 (after previously airing Tuesdays at 8/7c).

“I was shocked. I thought that was an institution that would never move,” admits Dietzen. “But I’m really happy that since the move, our fans—I shouldn’t be surprised, but I still am—followed us and said, no, we’re going to keep watching this thing and make sure that this is still—I think it was this last year, we were the most viewed scripted show on television, still even opposite Monday Night Football. I think we all understand how blessed we are on that set.”

He also attributes the show’s success to the characters. “It’s a collaboration between our writers and our actors and how we’ve crafted these characters. Since Don Bellisario created this 21 years ago, the most important thing to him was, I need these characters to all look and sound different from one another,” he explains. “Because of that, our show has never been a show that’s ripped from the headlines. Really, the cases are ripped from the characters. So if you get to know who these characters are, you’ll know right away, oh, this is a case about kidnapping a young girl or something like that; Gibbs is going to have a certain way that he’s going to feel about that because we know his history, and so is Torres [Wilmer Valderrama], and this is going to hit them hard. This person lost their wife. Well, you know how Vance [Rocky Carroll] is going to react to that. You know how Jimmy Palmer’s going to react to that.”

Here’s hoping the team continues to grab their gear for seasons to come.

[macabrecravings]

I want to thank the anonymous who typed an ‘i’ instead of a ‘u’, because listful is a real word. Kylar is being listful and lustful, and I find the whole typo situation very funny.

IT’S SO FUNNY LMAO. The whole Sydlar April Fools Mini Arc has me thriving…….. 😭

Come on Sydney, smh. How could you misinterpret anon like that… 😒 Kylar’s just going to put you on a list! :) He’s not having lustful thoughts abt u obviously…

Huh? Wdym he described wanting to see his cum dripping out of u? Hm. No… that’s normal :) Dw about it. Don’t run off to tell the temple~! ^_^

I’m sure they’d be less than happy that you’ve been talking to him in the first place :)))

[connecting-the-stars]

Well the newest season of ‘The Bear’ released! And ofc I’m a fan of the arcs set up for all our characters and seeing them pay off in different positive or negative ways. Tina’s development from last season building into her thriving at culinary school and becoming one of the blocks to hold the restaurant intact. Marcus flying over seas to gain new skills and brainstorm his dessert ideas to return with new confidence and wonderful plates. Ofc, the all star girl, Sydney absolutely killing it this season with taking charge with planning of the menu and keeping things moving in the restaurant’s development. Which flows into her taking on the pressure in the last episode and pushing through an almost disastrous first service. And her relationship with her Dad was so sweet and seeing him try to support her the best he could despite his concerns was wonderful.

Now, with most of the positives laid out… those negatives. Well, I knew from the first instant that it showed Marcus being anxious about leaving his mother to travel, that something utterly sad was gonna happen. His care for her was palpable and his anxiety was very relatable. When everything had picked up in the other plot’s lines and his mother wasn’t mentioned as much, I had nearly forgotten but that last frame of his phone lighting up hurts. I know we are gonna see the heartbreak and grief that comes with his loss, and I’m wondering if Nat or Carmy will be able to support him at least some due to their own recent loss. Next season will most likely have Syd being a pillar of support and relatability for him, due to her grief of her mother. Thus, on to head strong and doubt-filled Sydney, she’s got to be my favorite character from the whole cast that I enjoy. Her Dad being nervous for her throughout the season was almost hard to watch as he attempted to be supportive while also pressing her about her decisions, added on by Syd constantly seeing different restaurants that closed. The intense anxiety and burden of running The Bear as the sou chef really shows in the later half of episode 10. Her mind repeatedly playing the tickets and her stomach upending itself in the alley was gut wrenching as I could feel her panic. Both arcs with Marcus and Sydney were completed so well as they were formed over the season, but damn am I not concerned for both of them in the future. (I want them all to be happy, but I guess this makes fans invested. I am very invested.)

Remember grief repressing and anxiety riddled Carmy from season 1? Well I can’t say he gets a arc I completely enjoyed, but the writers found a way for the audience to get pissed at him for sure. Digging himself into his own downfall was very… I don’t know how to put it… Relatable? Satisfying? Depressing? It made my heart twist when I heard him claim that he doesn’t need amusement, telling the fridge door how he rejects any resemblance of happiness. Despite him neglecting his responsibilities and his commitment to the restaurant and Sydney, I can sympathize with Carmy’s juggling act of being pulled in two directions. That being said, the dialogue and visual reminders for him to call the fridge guy paid off almost hilariously as it blow up in his face. For the first few seconds, I had burst into laughter at the absurdity and suddenness as it cut into the flow of the scene in the fast paced kitchen. But after that, the amusement definitely just nosedived into concern and sadness as Carmy frantically bashed his fists into the door yelling. Ofc, his first relationship, someone from his past that he attached himself to so much, was gonna end in ruins by his own hands. Just like the fridge handle snapping off. From my perspective, the writers set Claire up as a personification of his past. It was brought up repeatedly how she remembered or knew something about the past or his family, being the very loud topic brought up in the flashback episode, one of Carmy’s main scenes. The panic attack weaving images of screaming family members and old pictures of her made it clear that she is associated with his painful and tragic upbringing, surrounded by adults with their own issues that violently conflict and clash with one another. Mikey’s silent suffering after carmy gifted him his sketch of their restaurant made me want to cry.

Mikey is gone, and Carmy forced himself to go back to Chicago to desperately fumble The Beef into a half way functional sandwich shop. Then, right at the end of season 2 second episode, it has Claire appearing as a blast from the past. That fact that it’s brought up how he’s “always” had a crush on her is interesting, other characters tell us this, but when Carmy himself is faced with the choice to invite her into his chaotic life - he chooses to give her a fake number. This being his first real relationship and lacking role models for healthy positive relationships could play into his hesitancy to call her his girlfriend. In the early half of of the last episode, there is a moment where the camera lays out the situation between Claire and calling the fridge guy, appropriate that he doesn’t even have the proper name, and then he chooses to do neither - redirecting to help Marcus with something. During the first service, Richie presses him to go talk to Claire, and in the context of moving forward or returning to someone of the past, Carmy refuses the first time. He focuses all his effort into the restaurant’s success, and denies looking back - visiting a distraction. If Claire is a version of the past, last season Carmy was clinging to the past as his grief ran through his heart and pulled him back to The Beef. Then, the temptation to return to something familiar, to fall into a routine and not move forward is hard for anyone. The Bear is his and the restaurant’s way of moving forward and making something better than it ever was before. But Carmy gets caught on someone of the past, someone who reminds him of a time his brother was still alive. When cooking with his brother was a place to laugh and smile wide as the sun shined on their faces. (S1 flashbacks of Mikey, Richie, and Carmy.) In the end, Carmy is left literally self isolated, his first relationship shoot through, and on horrid terms with Richie, all because he could not delegate time revisiting the past and stepping forward. He fell between the cracks.

I love this show and it’s flawed characters, I loved the arcs for everyone. I haven’t even brought up Richie’s development, my dude whooped that Big Black Dog’s ass this season!

(Depression: 0, Richie: 100)

[number-one-crush]

LF DoL M!LIxF!PC RP! (w/ me as the LIs and you as the PC!)

What an absolute fucking MESS of a title that is, lmaoooo TT

ASSORTED WARNINGS: 22+!! TW: dead dove and shit, it’s Degrees of Lewdity, please be careful people who don’t know what that is!

Hey (maybe future) friends! I’ve recently gotten into DOL and have been pretty obsessed with it lately. It’s got all the things I love, and by all the things I love, I mostly mean: EVERYONE LOVES ONE PERSON AND NO ONE IS HAPPY ABOUT IT and TOXIC FUCKING OBSESSIVE RELATIONSHIPS. So, without further ado…

THE PREMISE:

My favorite characters by far are Whitney and Kylar. I imagine I’d also probably really like Eden, too, but I actually haven’t really tried anything with him yet, and honestly, as much as he sounds like a real catch, I just really, really thrive off all the jealous drama between Whitney, Kylar, Sydney and Robin at school.

So like, I’d really like to RP that. And by that, I mean that I’d like to write Whitney and Kylar… and to a lesser extent, (mostly for drama) Robin and Sydney, as being wildly in love with and obsessed with your PC so we can explore the absolute mess of a fall out that inevitably causes. :v

My favorite thing to do with characters I love is to write for them: there’s something really fun about getting into that headspace and exploring the way they feel and how they’d behave, and I love it. I could write fanfiction, and I can’t lie: the temptations have been there! But honestly, it’s hard for me to motivate myself writing fanfiction when the chance to write against someone else and geek out over the absolute fucking disaster-nonsense our characters get up to together is so much more fun. ):

SO: DETAILS! 

I really only do MxF, with me playing the LIs as dudes and you playing the PC as a lady. Sorry for any other pairing combination, I just wouldn’t have the same inspiration to write for other configurations. ): I’m not going to tell you how your PC should look or really behave, and I look forward to hearing about her from you! I love getting excited about other peoples’ OCs!

I’ve got headcanons for the boys (which are pretty typical, honestly!), but I am of course open to input from you on what you’d like to see, too. :> 

Since this is DOL, obvious content warnings apply! Noncon/dubcon, abusive and messed-up situations… they pretty much come with the territory, though I’m not looking to make anyone uncomfy and I’ve got no problem toning some things down or ratcheting things up based on what you do or don’t feel comfy with! I’d like to feel comfortable talking OOC to make sure everyone feels okay about stuff. 

Which brings my rambling to my next point: DOL is obviously a sex game and I’m not opposed to raw smut or anything. But what I miss from the game is the emotional turmoil and fucked up sense of longing – and an obvious desire to possess PC – that I feel Kylar and even Whitney are drowning in. We get to see their actions, but not their thoughts, and I really want to do this to develop and dwell on those feelings! I want to see them and the PC involved in situations (fucked up as they are) that allow those things to really flourish and shine. I am an absolute slut for deep, anguished, sometimes violent obsession in characters… I just think getting to explore that is SUPER sexy in fiction, so maybe expect a like 80/20 plot to smut ration. Maybe 70/30? I feel like the smut hits a LOT harder if you’ve got a lot of pent up feelings behind it. 

Honestly, I don’t even NEED smut, but like, it’s DOL, so it kinda feels like it comes with the territory? Your girl here really lives the tumultuous, angsty emotional foreplay, whoops. ): I just really wanna write a bunch of really fucked up dudes falling in love with PC – bullying her, stalking her, meekly trying to protect her… you get the vibe!

ANYWAY, some things I’d hope for/need from you!:

+ Absolutely, positively, with no exceptions, you need to be like, middish twenties or older. I’m older myself and I absolutely have no desire to interact with teenagers. No offense to teenagers, you all can make great writers – just as someone who is absolutely not a teenager, it’s just what I’m comfortable with. Even if the subject matter wasn’t super-ultra-fucked, I wouldn’t feel comfy with it.

+ I’d like someone who understands that, as an adult, I have a job and a partner and a relatively active social life with my (one) good friend, so I will probably manage a post or two a day, sometimes a post every two! It might be more than that if I really get into the vibe, but ya know…

+ I like to be descriptive when I write, somewhere between pretentious-fuckoffery and wordy-but-functional. Sometimes I’ll do a few paragraphs… sometimes, I really get into it and it can be a couple pages. I tend to be reactive to what is needed for a scene: flashy back-and-forth dialogue is gonna make for shorter posts, but sometimes I really like getting into my character’s headspace and waxing poetic about how much they want their love interest for like, a few paragraphs or more. I’d like someone who can at least manage a few paragraphs! One liner stuff does nothing to me; I want to be able to feel like my characters have a reason to WANT your character, so I need something to work with! Please have a pretty good grasp of grammar and what not, too! Obviously stylistic choices can make for some fun grammar fuckery, and I’m not about to judge for some spelling errors, but like, please please have a pretty good grasp of writing! I live for good writing partners. ):

+ TENSE/POV: I am not super picky, but I admit I love the present tense second person of the game. As someone who was super into Homestuck, that shit just jives with me. That said, I’m open to a lot of different things, just absolutely NO FIRST PERSON. I cannot stand it in RP, it really takes me out. We can hash it out!

+ The ability to advocate for yourself OOC! The subject matter is icky, and I don’t want to traumatize anyone. We don’t need to be best OOC friends, but I hope we can feel comfortable with each other enough to hash things out outside of RP so we can both feel okay with whatever is going on! I’d also really like to just be able to gush about our characters OOC, please! TT Like, let’s be dumb and make playlists and pinterests, ahhhhhh! If you got a song you got that reminds you of things, PLEASE TELL ME, I wanna be a total fucking nerd about our fucked up children!

+ Discord! I tend to use discord to RP because servers make things easier to organize! Please use it! I don’t really like using anything else, womp womp. ):

So! If you’ve read all that, and you’re interested, please hmu here on Tumblr! I hate the ask/messaging system here, so like, you can just drop me some info on your PC and maybe your discord handle via one of those, and we can move to Discord to see if we’d make good RP partners! 

Thanks a bunch and looking forward to hearing from you! 

PS: Please excuse the Dabi theme-ing, I’m too lazy to change my very basic theme-ing. I love love fucked up dudes, and I cannot lie.

[chickensarentcheap]

He's slept with mistresses of 'marks' that have offered themselves up (sexually speaking) to save their men, but he's still killed the guys.  That gets mentioned next chapter.  And he's taken money to kill people that weren't necessarily evil, but someone had a grudge against.

I think there was a mix of emotions.  They'd been friends for quite a while but once Gaspar brought up killing Ovi and then surrendering Esme to Asif (for money) he knew that he (and Ovi and Esme were in deep shit) had to find a way to get out of that situation. Gaspar dead was the only way Esme and Ovi would have survived.   So I think for that reason alone, Tyler was glad he was gone.  But I think he wishes he could have done it himself, and spared Ovi a lifetime of trauma.  

Fentanyl.  Never again, he says.  Mostly because he saw how it scared the ever loving shit right of Esme when he told her he took it.  That shit is way too dangerous and he's got too much to lose and leave behind.

Getting to share the things he loves with his kids and seeing them love those things and thrive at them. And being able to raise them in Australia.   That's a big deal for him.  That they were able to return there and raise them as Aussies.   It is a much better place for them, I think.

Just seeing them grow and thrive.   Watching them learn and explore and discover who they are meant to be.  

When they lived in that little apartment just outside of Sydney.  They had just started their life together and she was just getting used to living in Australia and they were just happy. They didn't have a lot, but they were comfortable and content and she was thriving where they were.  

 He always used to draw for her.  

That one day he'll snap and hurt Esme and/or the kids :(

 She's pretty content with where her life is right now.   She's got everything she ever wanted.  She has a husband that adores her, she's a mum, she's got her bookstore. Life is good.

Every couple of months she changes the colour scheme.  Just in decor.  She doesn't paint or make him paint. lol.    She just makes sure whatever she picks goes with the walls (a light yellow)

@tragiclyhip​

[willowmistry]

AYESHA MADON // have you seen WILLOW MISTRY around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto SHE is a TWENTY FOUR year old CIS WOMAN. i hear they’re known being a PERSONAL ASSISTANT. WILLOW is also known to be FRIENDLY yet also SHALLOW at times. we have a couple questions for WILLOW when we find SHE, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as SAID SHE WAS VISITING A FAMILY MEMBER IN THE US BUT REALLY WAS VISITING HER SIGNIFICANT OTHER THAT HER PARENTS DON’T KNOW ABOUT!

triggers. none

BASIC STATS—

NAME: Willow Mistry

NICKNAMES: Will, Misty

GENDER & PRONOUNS: CIS Woman & she/her

AGE & DOB: Twenty Four & 16 May

BIRTHPLACE: Sydney, Australia

ORIENTATION: Bisexual

BIOGRAPHY—

Willow grew up in a rather large household in Sydney. She was the second youngest, with a brother ten years older than her. Her mum also came from a larger family and her father a smaller one. The Mistry house was always kind of chaotic. Between after school activities and school functions, there was never a calm day in their house. Willow thrived in the chaos of it all, finding time for herself whenever she could. Unlike her siblings, Willow was never a "go getter" like her parents wanted her to be. She was social, but she didn't really like the concept of being involved in tons of activities. She would rather focus on her own peers than school, which really annoyed her parents. While her parents weren't super strict, they did want the best for their children and Willow was constantly in trouble for not doing what she should be doing. But she was a happy child, always smiling, doodling on anything she could, and constantly had her head in the clouds.

She really found who she wanted to be in high school. Like many of her friends, they were obsessed with fashion, but Willow especially had an eye for it. She loved coming up with fun ideas for clothing, inspired by nature and putting together outfits for her friends when they went out. It wasn't a career that she knew was simple to get into, but she still spend most of her time designing her own clothing line and focusing on developing her drawing skills. In the last two years of her schooling, she focused on finding a career path that didn't necessarily put her in university. Her parents were not pleased with this choice she made and the last two years of school, it was a point of contention between the three of them. Even her siblings took sides. But ultimately, Willow was stubborn enough that her parents figured she wasn't going to back down and relented.

She joined the workforce at eighteen, as a personal assistant to a woman who worked at a fashion magazine. Willow had no experience in the field, but she was determined to show her worth without going to university. And she did just that, within a few short months, she had proven herself to her boss. The work was not always easy, but Willow felt like she was doing well with her life. Although she was not making the same amount of money any of her siblings were, who had all ended up in careers that paid well. Willow was happy though. She flourished in the chaos of the magazine and got to see a lot of the newest fashions before anyone else, which was what she loved. The hours might have been long and often times thankless, but Willow didn't care because she was happier than if she would have gone to school. As she worked, she slowly started taking design courses.

At the age of twenty one, Willow met Tom, who worked in the fashion department as a personal assistant. The two hit it off and Willow was really excited when Tom eventually asked her on a date. She knew her parents would probably never approve of the match, but Willow didn't really care because she really enjoyed spending time with Tom. Her parents eventually met them, but Willow never mentioned they were dating. It was devastating when Tom eventually was picked to move to San Francisco where the magazine was opening a publication in America. While the two of them were not excited about the distance, Willow knew her life was still in Sydney for a little while longer. They decided to keep dating and would talk as often as they could, but also write letters to each other. It was difficult, though she was excited every time she got to hear Tom's voice on the phone.

Willow eventually saved up enough money that she could go visit Tom. But she used the excuse of visiting an aunt that lived in the general area. Her parents had no idea she was lying and that she had been lying to them for three years. She couldn't bring herself to explain that she had fallen in love because her parents questioned basically everything about her life. Willow packed her bags and found herself in America for two whole weeks. She loved it and when the time was up, she reluctantly got on a plane to go home.

PERSONALITY—

She's a very active person and doesn't sit still well. Willow pays attention to details and is always doodling on something. She seems a lot younger than she actually is at times though because she loved to complain. She's very stubborn. While she will strike up a conversation with just about anyone, Willow can be annoying when it comes to the topic of conversations as sometimes she just talks to talk. She can also come off as shallow and if she's doing something she really doesn't want to do, everyone will hear about it. If she wants to be alone, she's usually the type to grab her sketch pad and hide behind a drawing, but she refuses to communicate when she doesn't want to be around people. It's honestly very rare to see her in those moods though.

[terramaterfloorssss]

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[terramattersfloor]

Put a Touch of Stylish Versatility Into Any Room

Homeowners in Sydney, a thriving metropolis where elegance and refinement mix, are always on the lookout for new methods to upgrade their living quarters. Floating floorboards are a beautiful and practical option for flooring that can be used in many different ways. We take great pride in providing first-rate Floating Floors Sydney and Floating Floorboards Sydney, which are sure to be a show-stopper in any house. Explore the realm of floating floors with me as I show you why Terramaterfloors is the best place to get high-quality flooring.

Reimagining Elegance with Floating Floorboards in Sydney

Living it up in Sydney is easy thanks to the city's multicultural atmosphere and breathtaking harbor vistas. Floating floorboards have recently risen in popularity among Sydney residents seeking to elevate their homes with their classic good looks and easy installation.

Terramaterfloors has a wide variety of floating floorboards to accommodate any style or preference since we know that every Sydney household has specific demands. The varied preferences of the people living in this dynamic metropolis are met by our Floating Floorboards Sydney range, which includes both classic hardwoods and modern laminates.

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Homeowners in Sydney want nothing less than the finest floating flooring, and they get it with Terramaterfloors. Carefully constructed using the highest quality materials, our Floating Floors Sydney are built to last.

No matter if you're updating a sleek metropolitan apartment or a rustic beach house, our floating floors will endure the wear and tear of everyday use without losing their luster. With so many options in terms of color, texture, and finish, you may make a room that is uniquely you.

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When you shop with Terramaterfloors, you can rest assured that you will receive first-rate flooring options and service. For all of your flooring needs, come to us in Sydney. Here's why:

We guarantee the highest quality and longest lasting Floating Floors Sydney & Floorboards in Sydney by handcrafting each item with meticulous attention to detail.

We provide a large variety of types and finishes for our floating floors, so you can find the perfect match for any design style, from modern chic to classic elegance.

Knowledge: Our flooring specialists are here to assist you in finding the ideal flooring option for your house by providing professional advice and direction at every stage.

Ensuring Customer Satisfaction: We place a premium on your happiness. Our goal is to make every step of the process, from the first consultation to the installation, go off without a hitch and leave you satisfied.