#and I thought Luther and Allison were bad

[criminalrat]

I desperately want to like season 4 but making Five and Lila get together is unforgivable

[inkspiredwriting]

The Day of Swapped Powers

Five Hargreeves x Fem!reader

Warnings: none

In the dimly lit basement of the Umbrella Academy, Five Hargreeves and his wife Y/n were elbow-deep in an experimental project. Y/n, with her ability to read minds, and Five, the seasoned time traveler, were working on a device designed to enhance their powers temporarily. It was supposed to be a simple test, but, as with most things involving the Hargreeves family, things quickly spiraled out of control.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Y/n asked, eyeing the array of wires and glowing components skeptically.

Five, ever confident, waved her concern away. "Of course, it’s safe. I’ve triple-checked everything. What could possibly go wrong?"

Those words hung ominously in the air as they activated the device. There was a blinding flash, a strange crackling noise, and then silence.

When the smoke cleared, Y/n and Five blinked at each other in confusion.

"Did it work?" Y/n asked, touching her temples.

Five glanced at his watch, which now displayed an array of random dates and times instead of the usual readings. "I’m not sure. I don’t feel any different."

Just then, Five’s head buzzed with an overwhelming wave of thoughts—Y/n’s thoughts. "Did he forget our anniversary? What if this messes up our abilities permanently? Why does he always have to be so reckless?"

Five’s eyes widened. “Y/n, I can hear your thoughts!”

Y/n stared at him, her eyes widening in shock. “Wait, what? I can’t hear yours anymore!”

Five glanced at the mess of equipment, realization dawning on him. “I think we’ve swapped powers.”

Y/n’s mouth fell open as she processed this. “You mean I can time travel now?”

Five nodded, grimacing. “And I get to hear everyone’s innermost thoughts. Fantastic.”

The next few hours were a comedy of errors as Five and Y/n bumbled through their new abilities.

Y/n stood in the middle of the living room, attempting to blink across the room. She scrunched up her face in concentration, only to find herself standing on top of the coffee table, much to the dismay of Pogo, who was quietly sipping tea.

“Try focusing on where you want to go!” Five shouted from the other side of the room, nursing a headache from the mental chatter of his siblings.

“I’m trying!” Y/n replied, a mix of frustration and determination on her face.

With a deep breath, she managed to blink to the other side of the room—right into a wall. She slid down with a groan, rubbing her nose. “I think I broke something,” she muttered.

Five winced sympathetically, while also struggling to keep Klaus’s incessant mental babble out of his head. "I wonder if I left my sandwich in the fridge or if Luther ate it. Maybe we should have a séance later. Ooh, what’s Five doing?"

Five squeezed his eyes shut. “Klaus, could you please shut up?”

Klaus, lounging on the couch, raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t say anything!”

“I heard you thinking,” Five snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And I don’t care about your sandwich.”

Klaus blinked. “Whoa, you’re reading my mind now? That’s… actually kind of creepy. Cool, but creepy.”

The rest of the day was no less chaotic. Five, now unable to block out people’s thoughts, found himself avoiding crowded rooms and anyone remotely agitated. He fled from Luther’s worries about him being a bad Leader, Diego’s brooding thoughts about his love life, and Allison’s musings about her career.

Y/n, meanwhile, was discovering that time travel was far more complicated than it looked. She tried jumping back to the living room, only to end up in her parents' bedroom. Her Mother's screams could be heard throughout the neighborhood

She reappeared in the living room, panting and wide-eyed. “You didn’t tell me there were so many things to consider when jumping!”

Five, who had taken refuge in the kitchen with a pair of noise-canceling headphones, looked at her sympathetically. “Welcome to my world.”

By evening, they had gathered in the living room with the rest of the family for dinner. Five was trying to block out the cacophony of thoughts, while Y/n was gingerly sipping on a glass of wine, hoping to steady her nerves.

“Are you okay?” Viktor asked, noticing Five’s pained expression.

“Just fine,” Five lied through gritted teeth. "When will this dinner end? If I hear one more thought about mashed potatoes, I’m going to scream."

Y/n shot him a sympathetic look. “We need to figure out how to reverse this,” she murmured.

“Agreed,” Five said, wincing as Klaus’s thoughts about unicorns and rainbows floated into his mind.

After dinner, they returned to the basement to work on the device. Y/n, with a newfound appreciation for the complexities of time travel, meticulously followed Five’s instructions. Five, on the other hand, tried not to get distracted by Y/n’s focused thoughts and their shared determination to fix the mess.

“Okay, try activating it now,” Five instructed, holding his breath.

Y/n flipped the switch, and the device whirred to life. There was another blinding flash, and then everything went silent.

They blinked at each other again. Five tentatively tried to blink across the room and succeeded without ending up in a wall. Y/n reached out with her mind, relieved that she could hear the thoughts of the people she loved.

“We’re back to normal,” Y/n said, exhaling in relief.

“Thank God,” Five muttered, rubbing his temples. “I don’t know how you deal with all that mental noise.”

Y/n laughed, stepping forward to hug him. “It’s not easy, but now I understand how much you handle with time travel. I’m impressed.”

Five returned the hug, a smile tugging at his lips. “I have a newfound respect for your abilities too.”

The next day, as Five and Y/n lounged on the couch recovering from their ordeal, Klaus sauntered in, a mischievous grin on his face.

“So, how was your day in each other’s shoes?” he teased, plopping down next to them.

Five rolled his eyes. “Let’s just say, never again.”

Y/n chuckled, squeezing Five’s hand. “It was definitely an experience.”

Klaus’s grin widened. “Maybe next time you can swap bodies instead. That would be hilarious.”

Five and Y/n exchanged horrified looks before bursting into laughter. No matter how crazy things got, they knew they could always count on each other, even if their powers were temporarily on the fritz.

As they cuddled together on the couch, exhausted but happy, Five realized that their love and partnership could withstand any challenge—even a day of swapped powers.

[anaargent]

ANOTHER FIVE?

FIVE HARGREEVESxREADER

*After watching season 4, we became orphans and widows. But the idea of a coffee shop with a bunch of fives is not bad at all.* (this is my first attempt)

.

.

-Stay here with Allison, I'll be back soon - Five said with a soft look as he lightly squeezed her hand, before letting go and turning around. You watched apprehensively as he walked to Lila and they disappeared together in a space jump.

-Well, maybe we should go after Klaus then - you said, looking at Allison, with no idea of ​​when Five would return and give some satisfaction.

It shouldn't bother you so much anymore, the sudden disappearances, the lack of explanations, it had been six years, maybe you should expect more than a sincere relationship with Five. But you still waited, you still clung to any minimal show of affection you managed to get from him, even if it was a simple handshake.

You didn't know Five before his chaotic return in 2019, old hargreeves adopted you years after his early disappearance, for some reason you were younger than your 'brothers', but he never explained to you why. He called you 'the void', claiming that one day you would be very useful to the team, that day never came.

dinner at Diego and Lila's house

Something was different, you knew it the moment Five and Lila returned in the middle of Christmas dinner, faces closed and thoughtful. You didn't dare ask, but you could deduce from the looks the two shared. Then Diego noticed, then the whole family noticed. You were silent, what should you say? that she felt betrayed by the revelation that Five could show affection so freely after 7 hours with Lila, and not with you despite everything they had together?

It's over anyway, you let out a bitter laugh, finally gaining Five's attention, the attention you had been chasing so hard to gain - I guess we're settled then.

You really wanted to come out on top of all this shit, with grace and maturity after being dumped. But then Diego attacked Five, the same Diego who took care of you after your entire family dissolved and you had no one, the same Diego who took you to live in his not-so-safe apartment while he became a sort of vigilante at night.

-we're not done when we don't even have something solid- five says with his superior tone ,maybe it wasn't on purpose, maybe you had underestimated Five's talent and sensitivity for human relations up until that point.

Who could blame you, right? - You son of a bitch - when you realized, your hands were connected to Five's perfectly aligned hair, pulling with all your strength. Then everything became a mass of people, Klaus and Allison in the distance shouting "pull harder S/N!", Diego and Luther grabbing me in an attempt to get me off Five, who was trying not to lose all his hair, and Lila trying to pull Five back.

-What the hell is going on here? - A deep voice rang out above all the noise, everyone froze and looked towards the door, where a Five, looking more adult and rumpled than the Five I was attacking, stood in the doorway.

Everyone shared a lost look, watching the new five jump especially in the middle of the crowd and separate you and your five - I looked for you in so many timelines, darling - the adult five smiled sweetly, caressing your cheek, it would be a lie to say that this didn't shock you. - And you - he turned to the disheveled five - we need to talk

[jweekgoji]

Yandere!Five/Reader.

wow how long has it been? two years since I wrote something for TUA? I still haven't rewatched it since I'm finally catching up with breaking bad but I hope I'll rewatch TUA next week or so. for some strange reason I feel that weird feeling like I need to come back to my fav fictional family with bread and milk and concentrate on it ughhh. when I rewatch it I will check that requests I had before for TUA and will finish them!

tw: yandere Five, unhealthy obsession, mentions of the reader's death, Five has ZERO moments of peace here, angst, controlling Five, mentions of Five's childhood, sort of happy ending?

I'm probably describing my thoughts sooo bad don't be mad please

Like we know, Reginald wasn't afraid to use his own «children» for every heroic mission. Bank robbery? He'll make a 14 year old kids deal with it. Some villains are trying to cause problems? Well, another time to test Number 1's leadership skills, no time for a happy childhood, kiddos! And that is basically what their life is.

Basically, the only source from which they can get the feeling of being needed, loved by the public, and recognized, if not by their father but by the citizens. Reginald trained them well, as long as there are 6 of them, they can deal with any kind of problem. I mean, come on, they're THE Hargreeves, one of the strongest people in the world who have unique superpowers, it's not like something might go wrong one day.

Five was always the most compatible member of the team, always trying to be the best. Despite only being the fifth in the ranking, it doesn't stop him from showing off every time he taunts another criminal, making them lose their minds in attempts to catch him.

It was another day when he and his siblings would find a criminal to deal with. Everything went smoothly, as Luther would discuss the plan with everyone. Klaus and Ben would be outside waiting for the signal, Allison and Luther would be the ones to distract the criminals from the hostages and Diego should disarm them before causing any serious trouble. Five would be the one who would save the hostages.

I think his abilities help the most in such situations. He can teleport any person away in just seconds and lead them into safety, no one would even notice. And if something happens, Five is capable enough to fight by himself.

You are the last hostage he protects now. He had already saved more than 10 people non-stop before, and for some reason, his powers refused to work. It's not like he is weak or something, no, no, just give him some time to catch his breath, and he will continue in a moment! He can't let someone see him like this, let alone let his father find out about this little problem.

He would huff and puff about it, probably imagining how Diego or Klaus were teasing him, how Five was losing his cool and accidentally forgetting how his own powers were working due to what a pretty little hostage Five talked to! And they're close to his age too, so it would be natural for his age to get shy and awkward in front of someone cute he found~! Well, at least it's exactly what he imagines hearing from Klaus after the mission.

Five wasn't quiet around people, usually. He enjoys talking with his siblings, well, with some of them—and he finds it amusing to toy with criminals.

For some reason, he is quiet around you.

Of course, he would try to reassure you that everything is fine, he is a good guy here, and soon enough, you would be safe. The only thing you have to do is just listen to him and follow his lead.

He didn't suspect everything, of course, and was so full of himself even at such an age, thinking nothing would go wrong. You were around his age, and naturally, despite being an arrogant little brat, he did find you quite cute. Maybe, if he had a different life, he would have approached you in different circumstances.

But Five learned the hard way that he's not the strongest and could never be the number one. He would never be able to save everyone. He just stopped paying attention for a one damn second, and the next thing he heard, was a gunshot. Five could feel your hand slipping away from his own, and he would look back just in time to see you almost stumbling, only to catch you in his own arms. Blood painted his dark blue uniform in red.

After that incident, Five became more obsessed with the idea of time travelling. If at first he wanted to prove to his father that he is capable of much more, to show that he's actually much better than everyone, this idea also feeds off his guilt. His first mistake, the only time he failed to do his task. And he just can't let go of it, no matter how much Viktor tries to tell him that it's really not his fault, that he couldn't predict it.

And then, during dinner, he runs away, despite Viktor silently begging him not to do it. Then he blinks again, again, and again, until it's nothing but ruins surrounding him. Until The Handler decides to pay him a visit, expect that he will probably be much more calculative and controlling. 40 years of being alone did it's horrible job on his mind, every day trying to survive while thinking about a possible way out of this situation. Maybe, if he makes much better calculations, he will actually succeed. But being away from humanity for so long makes him crave human contact, he already had that mannequin, Dolores, he could find, talking every day to her about how he actually missed his family, how he wants at least some kind of sick normalcy he had back in the academy. At least he had a place to live without worrying every day about his own survival.

During these moments, where he actually gives himself some time to be weak, he wonders would he still do this if you were still alive? Would he still risk everything just to make his father proud?

He didn't know much about you before. The police shortly said that day that one of the employees had a child in the building, and they were taken hostages by the villains. You were around his age, a young, probably promising student in your normal school, with caring parents and friends who worried about you. Something he craved deeply, even though he would have never admitted it.

When he couldn't have teleported you away safely, he led you through the second way out. He can tell you were scared. Of course, who wouldn't be? It's not like you were used to it. He isn't the gentlest person, more like focused on the business and how to end it all as fast as possible. But you were shaking mess, asking from time to time if it's safe or is actually everything okay? Five, in his some kind of nonchalant and gruff manner, would only nod, reassuring you that his siblings probably dealt with the villains by that time.

You looked so normal for him. You had no powers, no one made you train every day just to bend you into their high expectations, you didn't have to compete for someone's love and approval. You acted like he's just a normal person too, never bothering him with questions about his brothers or a sister, not trying to peek into some secret life of the Hargreeves family. Do you even know who he is?

Eventually, he can't remember who exactly started the dialogue. Was it you, who just wanted to talk about something so boring like your school life, or like that you probably skipped a few classes and missed a math test? Or was it him, remembering his trainings how he should try to make the worried and scared hostage less afraid by making a small talk with them? He's too old to remember every single detail. But he certainly remembered that he at least listened to what you said to him. That he was actually looking at you, giving you his full attention.

Maybe if he was born into a normal family, he would have had a chance to live that normal life with you. But that would be too kind to wish for, wasn't it? Now, that his hands are covered in blood of so many innocent people he had to kill, asking for a normal life is impossible. Even after taking hundreds of lives, he still can't understand why is the sight of yours in his hands any different? He thought he would be used to it by now. What kind of evil God makes him see it over and over again, in every goddamn timeline?

First, it was a villain killing you right in front of him. Second, it was the Swedes who killed you the next day they saw Five trying to talk to you. He almost lost his mind when he spotted you living near the same hotel where his siblings and he decided to stay. But once again, the more problems just followed, leading to another damn disaster to take you away.

When he lost his powers, he didn't know if he should feel relieved or more concerned about it. Of course, that means that he probably has to find Reginald, to get more answers about what the hell happened in this new universe. But that also meant that he finally has a chance to live like a normal person too. Like you did.

He was unfamiliar with this world. He felt lost, humiliated most of the time now that everyone treat him like he's actually younger than he is. At least people stopped treating him like a child, yet he still has to deal with someone underestimating him. He has to find a job, a place to live, for God's sake, how the hell is he going to live without any documents here?

The fate seemed to be connecting you two once again, as it seemed. You would meet him accidentally, one time you just saw him visiting a café you were working for and the same process would repeat again. This time, he would actually remember every single little detail. He would approach you first, carefully and as politely as he could. He still thinks that if he makes even the smallest mistake, he would experience your loss once again. This time he won't screw up, he would plan everything strictly to his scenario. Your meeting, your first date, your first 'I love you'. You might think he's just the most perfect guy you ever met, which actually... would not be so far from the truth? ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[little-forest-goblin]

Soft touches, silent roads

Warnings: Smut MDNI 18+

Contains: oral (f and m receiving), p in v, dirty talk, light choking (very brief) praise, mostly soft dom five (There is a little roughness), face fucking, cum eating, creampie (i hate the word too), car sex, bad writing, grammatical errors

Synopsis: You and five were at graces birthday party. You and him haven’t seen each other in a long time so there is a lot of unspoken things between you and him especially the unspoken love and desire between you and him that was never addressed properly. (The events of the fourth season never occurred)

The birthday party was all out which was really sweet of Diego and Lila. The kids were having so much fun which was even sweeter. Lila’s family was very kind too. It was odd seeing the family after a long while. Especially poor Klaus who was a raging germaphobe and extremely sober. which the sober part isn’t a bad thing but the germaphobic tendencies is a little bit odd. No matter you’re just glad he is getting himself mostly together. Luther was what he called “A professional dancer” which obviously was not true but you know what…good for him. There was Allison worried and scared that everybody hated her. Viktor was kinda off to the side since he didn’t really want anything to do with any of us which you guess kinda makes sense after the shit we’ve been through. you cant blame him completely for not wanting anything to do with us but its nice to know he cares still to show up. Ben was sulking about just getting out of jail and about his “Business”. You really just hope he will get his shit together. Then lo and behold there was five. The one man you were nervous to talk to. The one that made your heart race and your face flush. You haven’t spoken to him in a long time. Life caught up to you, you were healing from trauma and getting your own shit together. That being said he was always on your mind no matter how hard you tried to push him or the thoughts away. It was always a haunting thought in the back of your mind. A space just for him that was rent free. You looked over to him and to your surprise you caught him looking at you. His own eyes went a little wide with nervousness and looked away sipping his beer and looked back into the ball-pit where luther tried to scare him and ben. You felt your face flush and you looked away.

After a ruined back and a piñata issue it was time for everyone to go home. Sadly your car was being the biggest asshole of the day cause it decided to break down the day before. You had to take a uber which was scary at this time of night. You walked out the doors and leaned against the wall of the building. You went onto your phone to look for an uber when five came out he saw you and came on over “Hey” you looked to him your face flushing as you saw those piercing green eyes “H-hey” he chuckled and leaned against the wall his arms crossed “What are you doing? Aren’t you gonna head home?” you sighed and shut pff your phone putting it in your pocket “My car broke down yesterday. The hunk of junk had to be a paid actor cause that was to perfectly timed.” he smiled “So what gives?” you sighed “Im getting an uber. It may not be the safest but i need to go home somehow.” he nodded. it was silent for a minute as he looked at you his eyes traveling down then up at your face again trying to stay calm but if you looked close you’d notice he swallowed a nervous lump in his throat. “You can ride with me” you look at him wide eyed “Wait what?” he looked at your eyes “Yeah you can ride with me. I don’t want you getting hurt or worse.” you bit your lip nervously “no no its okay i-“ five cut you off before you could say anything else “No i insist come on” he took your hand and gently led you to his car almost seeming eager. Your hand in his, skin against skin sent electricity through you and a shiver down your spine. You almost wanted to kick yourself cause it was such a simple touch. How the hell are you getting so worked up over such a simple god damn touch! is…is he getting worked up too? Is he feeling the same? You let him lead you to his car. He opens the passenger side for you “After you, princess” he smiled you chuckled and got into the car “My, what a gentleman!” he laughed and closed the door and got into the driver seat.

You and him have been driving for some time. At some point during the night drive home it began to rain. You looked to him his hands gripping the steering wheel. it was almost white knuckled how hard he was holding it. You swallowed as your eyes traveled over the veins in his hands. they were prominent and an indicator of what hid under his suit. you looked to his face his eyes slightly squinted to look out the glass windshield past the rain and slight fogging. his lips and nose those piercing green eyes and hair that made your insides flutter. You always were weak when it came to this man. he glanced to you and back to the road. “Whats with that look for?” you blushed lightly and looked back out the window “nothing.” the rain started to come down harder and tension built until the glass fogged up to much and the rain poured a little to hard. “Fuck it” he pulled into an empty lot and parked the car. you looked at him confused “woah hey wha-“ he unbuckled and turned to you “Don’t say it isn’t nothing. I don’t want it to be nothing. I know it isn’t nothing.” you looked him in his eyes. his eyes looked a little desperate almost pleading. You wanted to say it you knew it wasn’t nothing but something in you still wanted to deny from fear of scaring him away “Five i-its nothing i’m being honest” he shook his head “Don’t say that…it isn’t. Me and you have always beat around the bush. When i’m with you i cant help it but to beat around the bush cause i’m afraid to lose you. I don’t want to scare you away but god damn it y/n i cant do it any longer. Y/n i love you. You are in my mind no matter how much i try to push it away. I cant pretend that i don’t love you cause i do. Y/n i love you and i was too afraid to say it but now i’m not. i’ve gotten my shit together for the most part and me beating around the bush is not something i wanna do anymore.” you looked at him incredulously. He just professed his love to you. after so long of lingering stares and touches that lasted a little too long all coming to a sorta close. you swallowed “Five i have also loved you…i’ve loved you even as i kept distance for 6 years i was in love with you as we danced at the wedding at the end of the world i was in love with you as we saved the world in the 60’s and i have loved you before. I was also too afraid to say it.” he looked at you with eyes that held love and adoration. His face came closer to yours both of you so close his breath fanned across your face you swallowed and kept eye contact with him. he looked from your lips to your eyes “Y/n?” you kept your eyes locked with his “Yeah?” “can i kiss you?” you felt your breath hitch “God yes” he didn’t need to be told twice. His lips were on yours kissing desperately. his hands came to either side of your face holding you close. your hands came around his neck one along his back and one traveled into his hair giving a slight tug making him groan. He lightly bit at your bottom lip and tugged gently. you whimpered softly and he growled at that lovely sound you made. his hands went from either side of your face and at the top of your arms feeling the skin under your sleeves. his lips traveled from your lips to your jaw and to your neck. his kissed almost reverently until he started to nibble and suck to create a dark purple love bite. you let out shuddering breath and you licked your bottom lip wetting it a little ��f-five…fuck” he detached his lips looking up at you with a hint of concern “You okay? does it feel okay?” you nodded “Feels good…so good…” his eyes darkened and growled softly “Such a good girl made just for me” he kissed and sucked your skin. after some time “I need you now baby please. Let me have you” he looked up at you with a hint of pleading but there was room for you to say no and back away but thats not happening “Yes”

you and him had got into the back seat. he swallowed as he gently pulled your shirt over your head. he let out a breath ans he was speechless for a minute. you got a little worried and self conscious thinking maybe he was changing his mind. your hands where going to go around your body to cover but his hands where quick but gentle to pull your hands away “no…no, don’t cover…you’re gorgeous i wanna see you, love” you felt relief flood through your body. you let him guide your hands away from your body. his hands pulled you closer and held you to him and kissed the side of your neck as he undid your bra letting your tits loose from the prison you call a bra. he growled a little “Fuck look at you. perfect pretty girl. can i touch them baby?” you nodded and he shook his head his hand traveled to the back of your neck pulling you closer “Ah ah baby i gotta hear you say it okay? use your words for me, hm?” you swallowed nervousness and excitement coursing through you “Y-yes…please touch me” he hummed in appreciation “Good girl” his hands came away the back of your neck and to your tits squeezing and kneading softly feeling there shape. he leaned down and kissed the top of one of your breasts and bit down and sucked pulling the skin in to make a love bite, marking you as his own. You moaned and blushed deeply. he soon pulled off and let go of your tits his hand traveling around your neck “Lie back in the seat for me baby. i gotta have a taste of you” you nodded. your cunt was soaked through your panties you could feel it the wet patch there was probably noticeable. He traveled down kissing down the valley of your breasts to your stomach all the way to the waistband. His fingers curled around the waistband looking up at you for permission. you nodded and he wasted no time pulling it down revealing the pretty black pair you on. his chuckle was mixed with a light growl “Oh baby did you wear these just for me?” you and him both knew that this was not planned before hand so no but god damn it were you gonna entertain it “Y-yeah…wore them just for you” he hummed in appreciation and kissed your clothed clit making you jump a little “Knew you would. You’re such a good girl. always so sweet” you blushed and let out a shuddered breath. his fingers curled around the bottom of your panties and pulled them down off your legs and let them join the pile on the floor. he wet his bottom lip as he stared “O-oh baby…this is what you’ve hidden from me for far to long?” he kissed you clit reverently sending a shock of pleasure before he started to really get to it. his tongue licking at your slit and up to your clit. his lips wrapped around your clit and focused his tongue and attention there. you moaned and shivered. your hand traveling into his hair looking down at him only causing you to get more worked up. “o-oh fuck five god damn it” your head fell back as you panted. he chuckled sending another shock of electricity “That good baby?” you nodded. your thighs shook and threatened to close around his head. before they could his hands wrapped around them. keeping them opened “Ah ah baby keep them nice and open for me, good girl” he devoured you like you where the most delicious meal and you felt that cord within you tighten and threaten to snap. your moans came out louder and he knew you where close. his thumb came to your clit and rubbed gentle circles while his tongue focused on your slit. you felt your orgasm crash down on you and he licked away your cum with eagerness “mmm sweet tasting girl. perfect for me” he came up for air panting. his chin had your slick down it. he wiped away at it and leaned down to kiss you. his tongue and your taste together was divine. you moaned softly. you felt his hard cock through his pants. you pulled back “let me help you…please?” your hand traveled to palm him and he let out a stuttering breath “Only if you really want to baby.” you looked him in his eyes “i want too…please let me” he smiled and kissed you one more time and sat up and let you move to in front of him in the backseat.

you and him had moved the front seat chairs up so you and him could have room. He let out a shuddering breath as you unbuckled him from his cloth prison. once his boxers were pulled down and away his cock was up against his stomach your eyes widened a little in surprise cause he was bigger then you expected. i guess what the world didn’t give him in height gave in length. he chuckled “surprised?” you nodded a little more eagerly then you wanted it to be “Yeah… i am actually. im not say i was expecting it to be small i just thought you’d be average or something” he chuckled and his hand came to your head pulling your hair back into a makeshift ponytail “Doll, im hurt! uou had no faith in me?” five feigned hurt with a mock pout. you chuckled “im sorry, baby. Let me make it up to you” your lips went to his head. he groaned “Fuuuck, doll.” your tongue flattened and you took more of him. his hand was in your hair helping you bob your head. he groaned and his head rolled back “just like that baby mhm so good your taking me so good” you whined and looked up at him. he looked down at you and his cock twitched “Fuck baby you cant look at me like that i’ll blow my load to fast” you giggled a little till he pushed your head down more and groaned. he face fucked you bobbing your head for you. “Fuck just like that doll flatten that pretty fucking tongue!” he growled his eyes dark and his pupils blown wide. “Thats it take it like the good sweet girl you are. Good girl” he moaned and his head fell back against the seat. his balls tightened he came down your throat. you went wide eyed swallowing it down. he pulled out panting. he looked down at you his hands untangling from your hair and tucked your hair behind your ear and away from your face “You okay baby?” you nodded wiping away tears “Yeah i’m okay.” he smiled and helped you onto his lap and kissed you softly. “I was a little rough baby i’m sorry” his thumbs gently swiped away any remaining tears.

After he let you calm down and get together holding you closely you laid on the backseat. you and him had let the backseats down. you looked up at him as he shrugged off his suit and vest undoing his tie and throwing it to the pile. he sat back a little looking at your naked splayed out body. his hand pumped his cock a few times “Fuck sweetheart your gorgeous.” he crawled over you lining his cock with your waiting entrance. you swallowed. “Five…can you hold me while we do this? i wanna be close to you” he looked up at you and smiled. his arms went around your body. one around your waist the other around your shoulders. he kissed your neck and slowly pushed in “f-fuck baby your tight” he pushed all the way in. your breath seemed to stop for a minute your lips parted in a silent moan. he stayed still letting you get used to him “Its okay baby just breathe” thats when you remember to breath breathing in then out letting your body relax. once fully relaxed he started to move in then out slow and sweet thrusts wanting to savor you and the feel of your walls squeezing his cock. soft moans and shudders of breath came from both of you. “God i love you y/n its been to long of us dragging this out. I should’ve told you before” you shook your head you arms around him and his back “Its not just your fault- ah -i..i should’ve said something too” you and him moaned as the pace picked up a little but stayed mostly slow and sweet. your hearts beat in sync with each other just as it is should. your pants filled the car and his groans filled your ears. the windows of the car fogged up and the soft patter of the rain against the car gave a soft atmosphere. “Fuck baby i wish i could stay buried inside you forever” he let you go a little but stayed close his pace not stopping. he lifted on of your legs to his shoulder to get a deeper angel. the head of his cock kissing your g-spot perfectly causing your moans to come out louder. he felt your walls start to tighten around him indicating how close you where his thrusts went faster “Its okay baby i got you i got you cum for me…cum with me, fuck your such a good girl cum with me” his moans came out louder with yours. his hands found yours and held them intertwining you and his fingers. the cord within your stomach snapped and as soon as he felt your walls tighten his cock twitched and he came with you his cum pouring inside you filling you up. He groaned and slowed his pace going slow to fuck you through it but not to overstimulate you. you and him panted, a thin layer of sweat glistening on your bodies. he looked down at you and smiled softly moving some of the hair from your face that stuck to you away “You okay baby?” you nodded “yeah…yeah I’m okay…are you?” he smiled and chuckled “More then okay.” you looked up at him admiring him for all he was. he noticed your look and leaned down and kissed you softly and you happily kissed back. he pulled out of you causing you both to whimper a little. he pulled off looking at you “Come on lets get redressed. If you wanna we can come to my place and we can get cleaned up and relax the rest of the night” you smiled “i like that idea”

So both of you got redressed after he found some wet wipes to clean you up a little. you helped each other get redressed and soon drove home where you and him took a proper shower (Might’ve had a little round two in there) and relaxed for the rest of night laid in bed in one of his sweaters and watched a cheesy rom-com while cuddling under the sheets till you fall asleep.

———————————————————————

Hey there guys! i hope you like it! its my first time writing a smut. I was nervous writing this sorry for any grammatical errors or if it seemed rushed (i hope it doesn’t). I love you and stay safe y’all ❤️ 😘

[sunnitheapollokid]

♡ ⑅˚₊ going soft on me, hargreeves ? PART ONE.

a five hargreeves multi-fic . . 🌻🕰️ — intro.

warnings : minor cursing .ᐟ mentions of blood.

author’s note : MOSTLY BASED THIS OFF RAPUNZEL READER because tangled is my favorite movie and she’s literally me 🙈 (atp this is a self-insert) AHH but also almost like harley quinn-ish? BUT WHATEVERR happy reading cuties <3

five wiped the blood off his face with his navy blue jacket’s sleeve. his siblings all feeling and looking defeated against the sparrows.

“i’ve never had my ass handed to me like that before.” luther spoke faintly, five squinted under the sun in attempts to relax his body off from that spur of the moment fight. “it’s like,” luther spoke again. “here you go.” he motioned his hands at a confused allison. “it’s your ass.”

despite the pain, five couldn’t get his mind off one of the sparrows. the younger one, with the upbeat personality. he was too busy fighting jayme, but he was incredibly intrigued by her. he could watch her fight diego and allison for a bit, with her own powers. — which was light manipulation.

during the fight, five watched her play with her hands and the light that poured in the hargreeves’ mansion as a distraction for her siblings.

viktor sat by five, “someone’s crushing.”

“yeah, me.” diego replied, stretching his back.

allison rolled her eyes, “i don’t think that’s what viktor meant.” she moved her eyes towards five, who stared at all of them like they were crazy. “a real delight that number eight was, wasn’t she?” klaus commented with a light-hearted laugh. “let’s just find a place to stay, yeah?” five rolled his eyes.

— 𐙚₊˚⊹ ⭐️

five needed a break from his siblings. the hotel klaus had found for them wasn’t half bad, but the coffee they served was complete, and in his words : ‘dogshit.’ which was the only downside of it all really. a very big downside.

five walked into griddy’s donuts in attempts to get a decent cup of coffee. he sat down and waited for her order to be taken when, “umbrella asshole?” one of the waiter’s asked him. it was number eight, just in a diner uniform, and holding a pitcher of coffee.

she looked at him confused. “what are you doing here?” five furrowed his brows, “i should be asking you that.” he retorted. she gave out a big smile at that. “okay ‘ya grump, i work here, actually!” she gave a charming wink as she poured him a cup of coffee.

“i take it you’re a black coffee kinda guy?” her voice overlaping the sound of the coffee pouring in. he took the cup and sipped, “am i suppose to be flattered by that observation?” he asked upon putting the cup down. “i’m just very curious is all.” he fought the urge to mirror her infectious smile.

“also, it’s not just number eight, it’s (name). or — (nickname) if you want.” if it was possible, she smiled brighter. how can anyone be so cheery? five thought to himself. also, why isn’t she kicking my ass right now? “anything to eat for you?” she pulled her pretty and sticker-covered notepad out.

he shook his head, “not hungry. far too much things on my mind.” he tapped his foot on the ground. (name) watched him, his anxious stance and his constant worried eyes. “wait here, yeah?” she spoke before running off to the back of the diner. five watched her rush away, only to come out a few moments later with a plate of waffles, eggs, and a few slices of strawberries.

she placed the plate before him, the maple syrup on top with a smiley face. “what’s this?” he asked with a dead-panned expression planted. (name) shrugged as she sat across him, “my treat, silly.” she beamed another smile at him.

five was hesitant, but took the fork from beside the plate and started digging in. his eyes grew wide at the taste, it was delicious. it felt like being home again. “it’s mom’s recipe. nobody really calls her mom besides me, they make fun of me for it.” she giggled lightly.

five looked at her, “it’s really good.” after five finished he put the fork on the plate and put it away. “thank you! also, i’m very sorry for this five.” she cackled a little more, a confused five realized his mistake and stood up, the girl began fighting him.

she attempted to punch him on the side of his face, but he dodged it with his forearm. he returned the attacked with a kick to her face, blood oozing out of her might-be broken nose. she laughed, impressed, wiping the blood off with her fingers. they began fighting more, to which people inside had run off and evacuated.

(name)’s boss continued to yell at her to stop, but (name) knew damn well she wasn’t going to stop. she hit five in the stomach with her knee, five hunching over, and (name) continued with a back-kick on the side of his face. five coughed before pushing her into the table.

“you fight real good, for a seventeen year old.” she spat the blood out of her mouth on the floor. “and you fight really weak for a girl who can manipulate light.” five time-jumped on the table she’d collided her back with, and tried to kick her once again on the face, but to his surprise only met a blinding light.

and once five was distracted trying to find his vision again, (name) pulled his feet out to get him on his back. five landed with a thud! the pain rising from the bottom of his ass to his back. “lunch is served!” her laugh echoed across the diner. five time-jumped again, under the counter.

(name) looked for him, her platforms clanking on the ground. “where are you five? we’re not done here yet, grump.” she sang, another laugh escaping her lips. she spat another puddle of blood out of her mouth. five panted heavily, trying to catch his breath.

this girl was crazy. how could she be laughing at a time like this? and how was it that she was killer fighter? “come on five, you going soft on me hargreeves?” she walked the place around a little bit more. is that why diego and allison looked that bad after the fight back at the mansion? because of her?

“there you are handsome.”

[pottersmiracle]

Drunk words are sober thoughts

Sparrow!Ben Hargreeves x Fem! Reader

warnings: tiny bit of angst here and there-fluff-drunk ben-clingy/affectionate ben-klaus teasing you both-use of y/n-small bit of pet names (by ben)-drunk ben talks about being married to you 👀

summary: your boyfriend tries his best to act like the umbrella academy being there doesnt affect him, he also tries to act like he doesnt care that they don’t like him. But he’s horrible at hiding it from you.

a/n: rewatching tua - if this man doesnt get a smidge of happiness in season 4 im rioting - someone give sparrow ben a hug and a kiss - not proofread don’t murder me - pls send requests for umbrella academy characters 🙏

Masterlist

Ben was drunk. Really drunk. You were sitting next to him at the table and Klaus came over and started talking to you both, mainly you because you were actually interested in talking to him, “eleven people.” Ben mumbled. “Huh?” Klaus asked, you looked at Ben confused. “There are only eleven people left.” He says looking at both of you.

“Okay.. drunk ben clearly likes numbers and.. shrimp.” Klaus says looking at Ben’s plate. You laugh softly as Ben looks at Klaus, “and you couldn’t even invite me to your stupid bachelor party.” You sigh and lean back in your chair. You were right

“Oh.” Klaus said taken aback, “have we finally flicked off bad benny’s hard candy shell?” “Why don’t you like me?” Ben asked, his words slurring a bit. “Because you’re a big puckering asshole!” Klaus admitted. Actually its not like you could disagree with him, Ben was an asshole to klaus and the others.

You let them talk and walked around talking to everybody, congratulating Luther and Sloane, even having an actual nice talk with Reginald, Ben was staring him down the whole time though.

You walked past Fives table and nodded at him, you could tell he was severyly drunk and it was honesty humorous. He raised his glass to you and nodded as you laughed and walked back over to your boyfriend who was watching you as you sat down.

“You left me.” Ben pouted. You laughed and scooted your chair closer to him, “you were having a conversation. I gave you two some privacy.” Klaus gave you a smile and took a sip of his drink.

Ben groaned in response and took a bite of his shrimp as you all watched Reginald stand up to make a speech. You rubbed Ben’s back softly as Reginald talked, as he talked you notice Viktor and Allison. They were in a heated argument it was obvious but Allison ended up leaving the wedding.

“The sun rises over a lily’s field. A mother veiled, her lips concealed. The mourners come in droves of black to bury what their hearts unpack. With shallow breath and time eclipsed, i pray you miss death’s gentle kiss.” Reginald finished his speech and looked at everyone.

You clapped lightly and klaus cheered, “Beautiful! bravo dad! Bravo!” Ben stared at his father, “makes no sense.” He mumbled, you smiled at him and held his hand.

Chet turned on some more upbeat music after Reginalds dark speech. Everyone got up to dance except for you, Ben, and Viktor. “Can i tell you something?” Ben asked sitting up to look at you, his words were slurring but not enough to not understand him. “Of course.” You said.

“I would’ve loved getting married to you.” He admitted. “Just.. not at the end of the world.” He said slowly. You looked at him, you were shocked that he said that. He was always affectionate but not like this. He got up and kissed the top of your hand before standing up, “come on, let’s dance.” He had a wide grin on his face, he was officially in his chaotic stage of drunk. You tried to push off what he said as, he’s just drunk, its nothing to think about.

Although drunk words are sober thoughts..

After the fun dancing, everyone sat on the roof and hung out. You sat next to Sloane with Ben and Klaus trailing behind you, Ben sat next to you and wrapped an arm around you and Klaus sat next to Ben.

Ben rested his head on yours and Five got up, he wobbled around and everyone started yelling and laughing, “i feel like im gonna throw up.. actually, i’m hungry.” He said his goodbyes to everyone before going inside followed by Diego and Lila.

Ben and Klaus got up to leave as well. “Oh god.” You muttered standing up, “i should follow them. Goodnight guys, congratulations.” You smile at Luther and Sloane who smile back, “goodnight!” Viktor said goodnight to them as well and went inside with you.

[juicygf]

the possibilities of a new beginning

pairing; five hagreeves x fem!reader (replacing dolores btw sorry)

summary; that was a shitshow of a final season. im going to fix that and you're coming with me! many references to earlier seasons!

the feeling of boiling skin overlapping his own was haunting, making his brain toss and turn like a sleepless man.

‘it's to save the world’ the thought kept repeating in his mind, ‘we must cease to exist’. closing his eyes, five was ready to embrace death, to fix the world that had been doomed to fail the moment the marigold entered their mother's wombs.

‘this isn't fair.’

beep beep beep beep. went the digital alarm clock, screaming at the sleeping man to arise for the morning. five jolted up. frantically looking around in hopes of finding his siblings.

instead, walls of creamy white, a brown dresser, comfy bed, carpeted floors — an average bedroom... where was he...?

he stared off into space for a moment, recollecting his thoughts, before he heard the whir of an electric toothbrush. “who's there?”

“ah! sleepin' beauty woke up!” a voice called back, like an echo. a familiar yet, also unfamiliar voice coming from the other room. “you've slept in, we're going to be late if you don't start moving.”

five furrowed his brows, before he looked down at his hands. they weren't scarred like they used to be, they were... oddly normal. and his umbrella tattoo — wait, what umbrella tattoo?

footsteps approached the bedroom, a woman with a white towel wrapped around her body, and another wrapping her hair up to dry. “you okay there, five?”

the electric toothbrush whirred, a bit of toothpaste stuck to the side of the lady's mouth, as she gripped the towel to keep it from falling.

five snapped out of it once the whir glitched for a second then continued. “what day is it?”

“8th of August, 2024.” she replied, knitting her brows together in concern. “did you have a bad dream?”

a dream? was it a dream? was it reality? did we fix it? is this heaven? a domestic life with the woman, who strangely looked like a mannequin he swore he saw in a shop once?

“five?” the lady snapped her finger's, attempting to get his attention. five whipped his head up to look at the woman.

“[___]?” he said, saying her name, but almost questioning. like he forgot who she was. she laughed.

“yes, [___] hargreeves, your lawfully wedded wife and love of your life.” she teased back, smiling at five when she moved over to the dresser, pulling out clothes.

their wedding... as if memories of a whole life were coming back to him, he remembers. their wedding day, how beautiful she looked in her dress.

he remembers luther and his wife, sloane, there as well.

raymond almost spilling his wine on allison's dress, which made her laugh.

klaus and his lover, dave, keeping claire and the other kids occupied while diego and lila mingled off somewhere else — just to get a breather away from the kids.

five also remembers ben, showing off his new partner, jennifer, at the wedding like she was the greatest thing in the world. while jennifer just laughed and smiled sweetly.

“how... long have we been married now?” he asks.

“2 years.” [___] says, humming herself a time as she picked out a shirt to go with her jeans. “which jeans, black or blue... oh! speakin' of jeans. the neighbours dropped off your mail this morning, mailman got mixed up.”

jeans? neighbours? — “who?”

“the neighbours? jeanette and gene? jean and gene?” [___] said back, trying to jog his memory. “your memory isn't the best today, love.”

ah! his neighbours, of course. “tell them i said thank you.” five replied, shifting hsi legs and attempting to get out of bed.

once his bare heels hit the carpet, memories came racing back to him.

raymond and allison's wedding, claire's first birthday, luther and sloane getting together, lila and diego announcing their pregnancy, opening up a diner, where ben met jennifer — meeting [___]... in the department store, setting up the mannequins in their dresses...

what was he thinking about earlier? umbrella? did he need a new one? huh? what was he thinking again?

it was like his mind was erased in just a millisecond. a lively spark in his eyes appeared. “what are we doing today?”

“grace's birthday. remember?”

grace, grace, grace. diego and lila's little girl. it was her birthday, yeah. five nodded, “yes, i do.”

“i got that coffee you like yesterday. it's on the counter, near the spice rack, also — can you make sure to grab gracie's present from the cupboard??” [___] asked before five could leave the room.

he looked over at his wife, realising this was his life. he had a good life. a life many versions of himself many people would kill to have. a domestic, and family oriented lifestyle.

the sides of five's mouth twitched up in a smile. ”of course.” he answered her, before he put on a pair of navy blue slippers and walked down the hall, checking out the decor.

cabinets and glass doors cupboards filled with souvenirs and memories. paintings and family pictures on the walls. a retro styled house phone painted in a sunset for the aesthetics.

something crunched under his feet as he walked along. looking down, he lifted up his foot. a domino mask. a fake one, it had the dc robin logo on the back, probably from on of his nieces or nephew's, they probably left it here by accident.

something about the mask made him pause. dragging his finger across the black edgings, and white eye covers. “hm...” he mused, before placing it on a shelf in hesitation and slight dazed confusion.

that mask reminded him of something he felt wasn't even real. but the thing is, he couldn't remember? maybe an alternate version of himself knew what this was about.

he smiled at the mask, and scoffed at the idea. multiple timelines? how silly.

On the twelfth hour of the eighth day of August 2024, absolutely nothing out of the ordinary occurred. You might say, it was just a normal day.

[lowkeyrobin]

TUA ; drugs in the car

summary ; a little crackfic, there's drugs in your car, you're driving five, a cia agent, around

warnings ; language, out of order to s4 plot

disclaimers ; I START SCHOOL TODAY HELP. WISH ME LUCK IG???

track ; i drive the speed limit cause there's drugs in the car, shockwire

word count ; 406

masterlist

"Can you speed up? We're wasting precious time trying to find Viktor and Dad" Diego complains from behind you.

You groan. "There's drugs in this car, I'm not speeding up, Diego!"

"What?!"

"Huh?"

Five, in the front passenger seat, slowly turns to look at you. "You're driving a CIA agent around with drugs in your car?"

"Well, I wasn't expecting the world to want to end and for Ben to forcefully give us our powers back!" You shout.

Diego, Lila, and Allison quickly share worried looks. Luther in the trunk makes a revelation.

"Are these moving totes filled with drugs?"

You look at him through the rear view mirror. "Yeah. Mostly fentanyl"

"Oh my God"

"Okay, can I get out?"

"Luther's staying back there, he's got the best immune system"

"Not for drugs!"

"Shut up!" You exclaim.

"Go faster!" Diego complains again, kicking your seat like a little kid.

"Rule one of doing illegal shit, don't do one illegal thing, and rat yourself out on the illegal thing you were doing before!" You loudly speak, "I am driving the speed limit because I'm carrying tens of pounds of possibly deadly substances. I don't think any of us want to kill or try to outrun a cop today"

Five nods. "They're right. I need to save ammo"

"Ammo is your main concern?" Allison asks unbelievably.

"Yeah, other than the whole marigold-durango thing and that Viktor is missing, so is Klaus, somehow. And Ben is gonna cause the next apocolypse..." He shrugs. "Yeah, after those, I'm still concerned about saving ammo because it could help end doomsday"

"I feel like you should be more concerned with losing your job"

"About that..." Diego mumbles. "They're Keepers"

"Mhm" Five hums.

"Oh"

The car is silent for a moment.

"Wait, are you a drug dealer?" Lila asks. "I thought you worked at some TV production company"

You bite the inside of your cheek for a moment, leaning forward. "Uh... that was a disguise. And I'm not a dealer, I'm a supplier"

"I feel like that's just as bad," Allison replies.

"It's not, I'm not the one giving it to vulnerable people. I'm just travelling around to deliver it" You argue.

"Traveling to deliver it to people who will give it to vulnerable people. You're still an accomplice!"

"Enough! Focus on driving before I teleport into your seat and drive for you." Five interrupts.

You roll your eyes, silencing yourself.

"Okay, grandpa"

[clementineofmine]

I'm sitting here rewatching Tua S3 for reasons, and one interesting thing I picked up is that the entire season is really just each of the Umbrellas struggling to define and searching for family in their own way. Here's me laying down some thoughts for y'all:

Luther - For him, family has always been about the team. That's part of the reason he's so drawn to the Sparrows, bc at first they seem to have the cohesiveness that the Umbrellas lacked. Remember, Luther was the last one left at the Academy, then Reginald sent him to the moon alone. So of course seeing a "functional" team is going to be compelling for him, and he desperately wants to be part of it. And then he and Sloane quickly fall in love and for the first time in his entire life, someone wants him for him. It's intoxicating and utterly consuming NRE that is more powerful than anything he's ever felt.

Diego and Lila - For these two, it's about figuring out how to be a family. Both together, but also a little bit with the other Umbrellas. Diego looking out for Allison and Klaus and Lila and Five coming to a truce are part of this - more about Lila and Five in a sec.

Allison - In her mind, her family is Claire and Ray. This one is obvious, but I also think that the writers did us a disservice by not letting us into Allison's perspective. If you think about it, it's completely normal for a parent to put their child above all. While I don't defend her actions, her motivation could have been more compelling and it would have strengthened her character. But sadly she's the character on the show that is most "othered" (which is bad for many reasons)

Klaus - he really dug deep into individual relationships w family, starting with Five (e2 and 5 Five and Klaus bonding are still some of the best bits of the season imo), Diego, Reginald, Sparrow Ben, and then Luther in the afterlife.

Five - Five remains a pragmatist. His bar for family is very low - success for him means the Umbrellas being alive, no matter what the personal cost or sacrifice to him or to some extent others. It is somewhat depressingly delightful to see how he makes his peace with the end of the world as the season progresses. Before that, however, I'd like to meander back to e3 and 4 where Lila convinces him to electrocute himself and then they go on the Commission mission. Both of the actors do a fine job here bouncing back and forth between witty banter and genuine emotion and I love it. It's a quick and subtle piece of dialogue when Five explains how he saved Lila from the Handler. The undertone is that they were both abused by that woman in a similar way - ultimately, she developed and kept them both as pawns in her own game. And I think Five, starting in S2E10 and fleshed out through S3, develops genuine empathy for and eventually acceptance of Lila as family, as one of them, because of this shared experience.

Viktor - Like Viktor in all seasons, he continues to feel out of place with the Umbrellas and compensates by over-prioritizing his relationships with others. Don't get me wrong, I do empathize with him that he lost real love with Sissy and Halan, but I also think Allison was 100% valid to call him out on his lying in E6, and it was on point to verbalize how the constant focus on Viktors pain minimizes her (and everyone else's) experience. (Edit to add: Viktor finally seems to get the message on this, after being called out by Allison, then subsequently both Sparrow Ben and Five, and spends the last few episodes trying to make amends. Real character development here and I like to see it)

Reginald - Well, his overarching motivation since S1 has always been bringing back his dead wife, so I won't belabor that, but also it's interesting to see how he interacted with Klaus particularly - esp in E7 when he sobers up it seems he is experimenting with remembering his role as a father. Now we don't get a ton about his internal motivation here, but you can tell there is some mild curiosity, if not affection, for Klaus, despite the fact that he ultimately is cool with sacrificing him.

Some of these are more obvious than others, but when you tie them all together, the idea that they are all desperately looking for family and the blind spots that that creates for them, some of the messiness of S3 starts to make a bit more sense.

[inkspiredwriting]

Flirt and Fight at the Sparrow Academy

Five Hargreeves x Fem!reader

Warnings: none

Five Hargreeves stood in front of the imposing Sparrow Academy mansion, his eyes scanning the unfamiliar facade. This was supposed to be their home, the Umbrella Academy, but instead, they had landed in the wrong timeline—one where the Sparrow Academy existed instead of their own.

"Ready?" Luther asked, his voice tense.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Five replied, leading the way into the house.

They barely made it through the door when they were met by the Sparrow Academy members, each one poised for a fight. The leader, Marcus, stepped forward, his eyes narrowing.

"Who the hell are you?" he demanded.

"We're the Umbrella Academy," Luther said, standing his ground.

Before they could explain further, the Sparrows attacked. Five found himself facing off against a woman with sharp eyes and a confident smirk. Y/n, he heard someone call her. She moved with precision, her strikes quick and calculated.

Five blocked her attacks, but couldn't help but notice the way her eyes sparkled with challenge. "Nice moves," he said, dodging a particularly fast punch.

"Thanks," she replied, a grin tugging at her lips. "You're not too bad yourself."

Their fight was intense, but there was an undeniable chemistry between them. Every punch and kick was matched with a flirtatious comment, a sly smile.

"You always this charming in a fight?" Y/n asked, blocking one of his kicks.

"Only when I'm trying to impress someone," Five shot back, grinning.

Y/n's laugh was short but genuine. "Well, consider me impressed."

The battle raged on around them, but Five found himself almost enjoying the sparring with y/n. She was skilled, confident, and there was something about her that drew him in.

Eventually, the Hargreeves managed to escape the Sparrow Academy, regrouping outside. As they caught their breath, Diego noticed the distracted look on Five's face.

"What's up with you?" Diego asked, wiping sweat from his brow.

Five shook his head, trying to focus. "Nothing. Just... thinking."

"About that Sparrow chick?" Klaus chimed in, a teasing grin on his face. "I saw the way you two were flirting."

Five rolled his eyes. "We were fighting, Klaus. It's not the same thing."

"Sure didn't look that way to me," Allison added, a knowing smile on her lips.

"Can we focus, please?" Luther said, trying to bring the conversation back to their current predicament. "We need to figure out how to get back to our timeline."

But Five's thoughts kept drifting back to y/n. There was something about her that he couldn't shake, and it annoyed him how easily she had gotten under his skin.

"Come on, Five," Viktor said, nudging him. "We've got work to do."

"Right," Five muttered, trying to push thoughts of y/n out of his mind. But even as they walked away from the Sparrow Academy, he couldn't help but glance back, wondering when—or if—he'd see her again.

As they continued down the street, Klaus threw an arm around Five's shoulders, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "You know, if this whole saving the world thing doesn't work out, at least you've got a new crush to think about."

Five shoved Klaus off, but couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips. "Shut up, Klaus."

The journey back to their timeline would be fraught with challenges, but somewhere in the back of his mind, Five knew that y/n, the intriguing fighter from the wrong 2019, would be a thought he couldn't quite let go of.

[air--so--sweet]

Okay so I noticed in the promo that Viktor doesn't join in with Allison and Luther here.

But I just presumed that was because he wasnt there when Ben died. Diego is offscreen but I thought he was also speaking, but listening back it's definitely just Allison and Luther's voices. And then this is from the in character recap posted on instagram -

Again it's just Allison and Luther.

Which is interesting in and of itself, but it becomes increasingly so when you consider that this was Allison and Luther at Ben's funeral.

While Luther didn't speak up, considering he was so devoted to being Reginald's Number One, for him to even give his father the stink eye was as good as active subordination on his part.

Reginald's speech to the children at Ben's funeral, while callous and cruel, was designed to try and make them a better team, by using shame and guilt as a motivator (obviously it backfiresmd since the academy disbanded shortly after this). Luther is still loyal enough to buy Reginald's version of events where they are to blame...

...but, as I said him willing to throw stink eye shows there were some cracks appearing in his blind faith and approval of his father. Additionally he was closest to Allison so if anyone was likely to sway him and make him think their father is wrong it was her. And if she couldn't sway him there was always the possibility of her using her power to convince him.

This was a problem for Hargreeves, he can't have the leader of the team and his daughter, who is basically capable of mind control, turn against him.

The others seem to be more or less in line. Diego seemed to think they were somewhat culpable based on his response to Viktor saying it was no one's fault.

And, even before he secretly conjured Ben, Klaus didn’t seem interested in fighting over blame so, as far as Hargreeves was concerned he wasn't a threat to his leadership or the stability of the team.

And Viktor wasn't there when Ben died so he didn't know what happened any way and it's not like his siblings held his words in high regard.

So what if he did something to manipulate Allison and Luther's memories to bring them in line and believe it was their fault? Fed them the line about them failing as a team.

It seems none of the siblings know the exact details of Ben's death so it could be that Reggie wiped Klaus and Diego's minds for good measure too, but it could also be that, while they were on the mission they didn't actually see how Ben died, just the aftermath. Klaus was the lookout after all (and likely drunk or high or both) and maybe Diego was tied up in a fight.

Or maybe Hargreeves brainwashed Allison and then had her rumour the others.

Either way when you think about it, we've heard them say very little about Ben's death and what they have said is incredibly vague.

There's this exchange between Viktor and Five -

(Viktor nods in response to this but you can't really convey that in a screen cap 😅)

And then there's this exchange between Klaus and Ben

So the closest we get to specifics is that it was 'bad' and it was 'violent', which tells us nothing really.

Or maybe Ben didn't die violently on a mission, maybe Hargreeves implanted that information in their minds from the start. When in reality whatever that is happening to Ben in season 4 was happening to Ben at 17. After all the one other person we see in the trailer experiencing anything similar to Ben is this woman, widely presumed to be Jennifer. Her having the same symptoms as Ben suggests she has something to do with him causing the apocalypse.

At Ben's funeral Hargreeves mentioned during his eulogy that they'd been training for weeks for the mission Ben died on. What if, during said training, he realised that something would happen which would cause Ben to cause the apocalypse and so he killed him in advance and planted a memory of a failed mission in the kids' heads somehow? I don't know how he manipulated their memories but maybe whatever method he used didn't allow for much specific details so he just implanted that it was gruesome and violent. Maybe even named it the Jennifer incident then and there so as to give them a way to refer to it that didn't require them to refer to the mechanism of Ben's death. But maybe he didn't account for Allison not seeing it as their fault or how Luther might support her. So he had to meddle with their minds further, to get them to stay in line, which is why they are the two siblings who spout the line about them having failed as a team.

[whywouldyoudothistua]

okay I had the strangest experience because I watched the first 3 episodes and went "this is great! a little silly but thats to be expected, no where near as bad as season 3" and then the last 3 episodes happened !! anyways

thoughts/take aways :

ty for letting them say fuck

aidan gallagher get out of the writers room and get a girlfriend

baby shark, seriously, that was at least 4 years ago

lila character assasination is CRAZY omg. she would never?? do anything with five 😭 her and five have hated eachother this entire time no matter how many years they were in a train station she would not get w his dusty ass

I dont understand how this happened except somehow aidan got leverage with the plot bc the GREENHOUSE?? SHOTS??? ARE LIKE IDENTICAL?? TO HIS WEIRD INSTAGRAM SELF INSERT FIC?? i hate this boy, get ur hands off my tua

also generally the way they have Lila act abt her family??? idk it feels like such a bland plotline to make her and diego hate being parents

the chubby jokes about diego are also crazy

the fives scene was so cringey 😭 i see what u were going for but it literally just gave citadel of ricks it was not good, and the rain man joke.

the plotline of klaus getting kidnapped was genuinely crazy to toss in there and play for jokes, they only acted like it was serious when the guy threatened allison like no he has been sex trafficking the hargreeves on screen for an entire episode

also while klaus being really paranoid of dying without his powers COULD have been a good plot line I feel like they did not do it well and it just ended up feeling like promoting his addiction

that goop ending was really weird, why'd they get gooped, what if they all died normally no goop involved, they window breaking shot was cool just have that massive monster kick their asses why goop

why did they imply Viktor is like treating all the women in town badly in the first episode 😭 viktor has NEVER acted like this. like please let trans men be GOOD men it doesnt men them girly to not treat women like shit

they act like sloan died and then never elaborated on it???

please explore why raymond left allison and fire aidan gallagher

klaus immediately going for the dog tags was actually rlly sweet almost cried

the two seconds of young apocalypse five were the best moments of the whole season

plot holes bc i was gonna be nice but you did this to yourself :

why is everyone calling it marigold like its not just random thing harlan came up with

"power up" THIS IS NOT WHAT ANY OF UR POWERS LOOKED LIKE UNTIL RN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING

and fives jumps are purple??? for the reason of ??? ??? why??

and WHY THE HELL DOES LILA HAVE LaZER EYES. ALL THEIR POWERS ARE LIKE THEIRS BUT SLIGHTLY DIF/MORE POWERFUL AND SHES JUST GOT LAZER EYES 😭

why were lila and five living like they were in the apocalypse in that train station when they clearly could pop up and time travel around??? like go up take a shower, time travel to sometime with stores, buy some meat, why are you hunting rats, theres literally a deli in there

also they were in there for SEVEN YEARS and never saw another five until the last episode????

I also really heavily doubt it would take five 7+ years to figure out the train system

also the way allison pours the marigold directly into klaus' wound and it just works 😭 how does it work both by drinking it AND ALSO BY POURING IT DIRECTLY IN A MANS GUNSOHT WOULD

what? was going on w Sy Grossman ?? did we ever figure that out?? did they just kill him off and leave us wondering?? why did he say he was Jennifers dad? was he actually with the Keepers? was he just working for Abigail?? no fucking clue

one of the hargreeves (i think luther) called bens death the jennifer incident in s3,,,, but they did not know the girls name and also allegedly had their memories wiped???? okay,,,

also i thought sparrow ben KNEW jennifer already cuz he had her name in his journal or whatever?? but now he doesn't???

why was she in the squid 😭 ?

honestly im sure theres more ive forgotton but omg, that was not good 😭

[my-adhd-gremlin-blog]

I am as disappointed as everyone else is with the final season of The Umbrella Academy, but I also have some of my own Thoughts™️. Allow me to weigh in.

We can all agree that the finale was absolute dogshit, right? I've seen a lot of commentary about the character assassination of Number Five, and the cursed as fuck crack ship that should've stayed in the deep recesses of ao3, where no one could find it. But there was also absolutely no character development for any of them in the end? Not really?

Luther still has unresolved daddy issues (why else would he be squatting in the condemned building of the Academy?). And he just, what, gave up looking for his wife? Luther "loverboy" Hargreeves. The man who chased and pined for Allison almost his entire life gave up on HIS WIFE after/within six years? No way.

Diego's character basically went nowhere. Four seasons, and he still didn't come to any kind of realisation that, hey, maybe he is enough. No. If he isn't in Luther's shadow, he's insecure about his marriage, or his powers, and being "strong enough." Everything was a competition to him, even though he was the only one competing. He deserved a little bit of self-love, but apparently, "self-destruct" is all he gets.

Allison had her ups and downs, and they let her end on a fucking down? Her arch was the most disappointing. We literally see her trying to be a better, more honest person in s1, and then a human rights activist in s2. Her powers are morally grey, sure, but she had so much potential. Then she just straight up becomes a villain and has barely any redemption for it? Her character started on a high. It was natural progression for her to hit a low. But not that low. And she never really came back up from it. In six years, it seemed like she made no real effort to make up for what she did. A couple of good decisions do not make up for a multitude of bad ones.

Which brings me to Klaus. I wasn't sold on sober, germaphobe Klaus to begin with. I thought it was just a little bit too out of character. But I'll take that any day than what happened to him this season. And to his credit, his hypochondria after losing his powers at least made sense. But he'd made so much progress, not just on his sobriety but on embracing his powers rather than being afraid. (Also, he and Allison being codependent on each other like that was not healthy).

This season made Ben, as a character, pretty much pointless. From the beginning, it seemed like his death was supposed to bring the Academy together, narratively speaking. It was his "purpose" to die and become a sort of martyr to his siblings (I mean, it didn't work, so even then, Ben kinda died unnecessarily). But in reality, his death wasn't a teachable moment, it was just murder. And without Ben, the story still would have ended the same way. Any of the children born from the marigold could have brought about the cleanse, it didn't necessarily HAVE to be Ben. And with the number of timelines there were, it was probably inevitable that it would happen in at least one of them. They all died pointlessly, but Ben's deaths were especially pointless.

Viktor was about the only character that DID have some development. He finally stood up to his father and received at least some validation for his mistreatment as a kid. Not that it ended up mattering because his relationship with his siblings was practically non-existent at this point. All he'd ever wanted was to be a part of the team, and yet apparently made no effort in six years to see his siblings and actually be a part of the family. It makes no sense for his character.

I hate that Lila was a damsel in distress for most of this season. She's a grown woman who we know is fully capable of standing up for herself, but it felt like she was reduced to just her role in the family. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being a mother or a wife, but that seemed to be ALL her character was this season, when we know she's more than that. The one thing she got to herself was taken away from her coz it hurt "poor Diego's feelings 🥺". Grow up 🙄. And I am not touching the other thing with a ten foot barge pole.

Now, obviously, there's Five. People have already talked about how his character was completely butchered this season. No, Five of the past would not have given up so easily. Despite the jabs and the squabbling, Five loved his family. He fought hard to get back to them when he was stranded. After a struggle like that, why the fuck WOULD he stop fighting to keep his family together?

I'm not saying all of these characters had to be good, outstanding citizens by the end of the show. But they should have at least had a journey from season one. Instead, they either went backwards or in circles. And in the end, none of it mattered anyway.

This season was so fucking stupid. It completely undermined the rest of the story. What was the point in literally anything that happened in the previous seasons if it was just leading up to all of it being erased? This is some, "and it was all a dream" bullshit, and I'm not here for it.

[miniy00ng1]

Bad Hand

Five Hargreeves x Female!reader

wc: 1576

warnings: swearing, angst?, death (kinda), lmk if i missed anything

find my masterlist here

hi everyone! this is my first piece that ive ever published on tumblr! im a little nervous bc i dont think its that great but i thought id give it a go! sorry for any grammar errors and please give me feedback! thank you <3

-------------------------------------

Ever since you met The Umbrella Academy, your life has been anything but normal–even though you are. Like any other pubescent kid, you admired them and their super abilities. Never imagining in any timeline becoming apart of their mess of a family. And now you couldn’t imagine a world without them.

You remember the day you met the super family. They had saved your life during a bank robbery gone wrong. The siblings came to save the citizens in the bank and managed to disarm every robber except for one. One had gotten away and grabbed onto the closest person they could–you. Your mother yelled and cried when you were pulled away from her.

And you were terrified to say the least. As the robber had his arm wrapped tightly around your neck and a gun pressed to your head you thought it was your last few moments on earth. “You freaks better stop fucking moving or I’m blowing her brains out!” The robber yelled. The Umbrellas stopped in their tracks. 

The siblings eyed each other. Communicating without speaking, their plan was set into motion. Allison shouted at the robber to distract him while Diego had thrown two knives in the robbers direction. One knocking the gun out of the robber’s hand and the other landing into his flesh. 

A bright blue flash appeared next to you and then you felt a rush of motion. You closed your eyes to stop the upcoming wave of nausea from the adrenaline of the situation. Not even noticing you were being held in someone’s arms. A comforting hand was rubbing up and down your arm and whispering calmly that you were safe. 

From then on you were always grateful for the Hargreeves siblings. You had stayed in touch with them and had grown close to them even as they grew apart. You were devastated when Five had disappeared, taking it the hardest as you had grown very fond of the boy who had comforted you during your traumatic event. You were even there for the family when Ben had died.

But now, the world was ending in three days, yet again, and no ones figured out how to stop it. You’ve done it before, in Dallas and the original timeline, but now as everyone has split off and accepted their fate you too start to question if it’s time to give up. 

You glance around from the white table you’re sitting at. Today is Luther’s wedding and  it’s beautiful, although rushed–there’s music, delicious food, and a relaxing atmosphere. Almost as if we have all the time in the world. The thought of losing this family for a third time makes your heart ache. You love them all.

There’s one Hargreeves that you feel differently towards in comparison to the familial love that you have for the rest of the family. Five Hargreeves, stuck in his teenage body after returning home from his apocalypse, was swaying by his lonesome on the dance floor drunk as could be. 

A sinking feeling settles in your stomach, clearly he has given up on trying to save the world–and if anybody had a chance of saving humanity, it would be him. Tears well up in your eyes at the thought of losing everyone you love. You get up in a haste needing to be alone as soon as possible. You head outside for a breath of fresh air, yet another thing that you’ll miss in three days. 

You find yourself quite emotional and you’d like to blame your raging hormones. While  returning from Dallas and escaping the apocalypse a second time, your body had an odd reaction seeing as you were not super like The Umbrella Academy and returned back to its teenage form.  It was quite a shock to everyone but the shock wore off fairly quickly when they were confronted by The Sparrow Academy.

The streets were quiet as you sat on the curb, hands enveloping your knees as you try to comfort yourself. It’s just you out there for a couple of minutes before you hear the door of Hotel Obsidian slamming open. 

Stumbling out comes a drunk Five, uttering nonesense and staggering towards you. “Hey! Y/N! You’re missing the party come back inside!” He hollers as he makes his way to the curb. You don’t respond as he stumbles to sit next to you, the stench of alcohol entering your nose. “Great party am I right?” He laughs out loud. You glance up at him to find him staring at you eyes half closed with a drunk haze clouding his eyes.

“Sure is Five. You seem like you’re enjoying yourself.” You respond glumly, returning your gaze the the empty road. “What’s wrong Y/N? Did you not like the steak they served? It was a bit tough if I do say so myself. But who am I to complain? I’ve had worse food in the apocalypse.” Five chuckles to himself, remembering the days he struggled to survive.

Anger starts to bubble inside of you as you stand up and start to pace,“This isn’t some joke Five. I’m about to lose everyone I love and not a single person inside of that damned hotel gives a shit. Including you.” Five’s faces hardens in response, your outburst seems to have sobered him up in no time.

Five joins you in standing, his nostrils flaring in frustration,“You think I haven’t tried my damn hardest to find a way out of this mess Y/N? Do you think I enjoy knowing that my family is going to die in three days? That you’re going to die. Everytime, I find myself in some apocalypse bullshit and everytime I have to fix it. Me! I’m so sick of trying and trying and nothing that I do works. So maybe, just maybe this time I don’t do anything and let everybody else deal with it because nothing I do ever seems to help!” Five turns away running a hand through his hair before shoving his hands in his pocket.

“I would do anything to live a normal life. To experience the many things I missed out on while I was gone. I want to be a moody teen and a messy 20-something year old. I want to go to experience the ups and downs of a relationship with the woman I love…” Five trails off glancing back at you, “But I’ve been dealt a shitty hand in life, haven’t I?” Five makes his way back to the hotel and you let him, too stunned to call out for him.

The following morning after Luther and Sloane’s wedding, you’re emotionally drained. You spent the whole night in your hotel room thinking about what Five said and how you should apologize. You were so selfish to not consider how he’s been to hell and back, multiple times. 

You head to the lounge area in the lobby, still deep in thought going over all the possible outcomes of your apology. Five, Diego, and Luther are seated at the bar in a hushed conversation as you approach. Tapping Five on the shoulder you ask if you can speak with him in private. He glances at you and says, “No. I have no need to speak with you. I have important matters to address.”

Out of all the things that could of happened, this was not something you considered. You were flabbergasted, hurt even. You knew you were selfish last night, but for him to not even give you the time of day to hear you out. “Woah there Five, you’re being a little harsh there to little Y/N.” Diego says, obviously caught off guard by Five’s attitude change towards you. 

“No, I’m not. I have nothing to say to her nor do I want to hear anything she says.” You try and shrink yourself smaller than you already are. You can feel everyone’s eyes on you as you mutter a quick apology and immediately beeline to the elevator. As the doors close you let yourself go. This is not how you wanted to spend your last days.

In the elevator, you begin to get a weird tingling sensation enveloping your body. Unsure if it’s the feelings from the interaction you just had with Five, you rush down the hallway to your hotel room as soon as the elevator doors open. A wave of nausea washes over you and panic sets in. This must be it. Everyone has slowly been disappearing and now it’s your turn.

Your hands shake as you struggle to open the hotel door with your keycard. You get a glimpse of yourself as you pass by a mirror in the room and it’s not good. Tears blur your vision as reality sets in. You’ll never get the chance to apologize to Five, you’ll never get to see any of the Hargreeves again, it’s over.

On the desk in the hotel room lies a notepad and pen. This is how you let them know. Let them know how much you care and how you’ll miss them. How much you love him and how you wish you could’ve lived a life with him that he yearned for. You try to write as much as possible to The Umbrella Academy but you only have so much time before–

POP

You’re gone. The only thing left is a half written note left for the Hargreeves siblings to find.

[edibleashell]

TUA S4 feels

Pretty sure that Umbrella Academy S4 finale left a permanent scar on my psyche. Still one of my favorite shows but I might just end after season 3 in future rewatches. So many issues with S4.

In like episode 1 we got Ben and Jennifer touching and that started a countdown to the end of the world and the whole season was just junk to fill that time. So many good ideas that weren't done properly at all. Shuffling their powers? Alternate timelines? Hargreaves owning pretty much everything? Abigail just being alive? Pointless.

Luther was just a repeating loop of stripper and home decorating jokes.

Diego should have been a martial arts instructor or something not a depressed delivery guy. A bunch of jokes about him getting out of shape only to reveal that he's still jacked. He throws a potted plant and misses. His arc is just Big Sad for no reason and the relationships he built in the first three seasons were apparently irrelevant, if anyone would have been taking care of Safety Klaus it would have been him.

Allison's character was just an accessory to Klaus, after three seasons of her trying to reclaim the family she lost she ended up spending more time as a tool to Klaus's arc than she did with Claire. And Ray just being casually written out was so disrespectful.

Klaus, oh poor Klaus, my favorite character, what did they do to you? He should have been a nurse or something but instead he was paranoid, then pissed off because the writers decided that Klaus would equate marigold with drugs and just fall right off the wagon? And then he goes to some sketchy guy he owes money to even though S1 Klaus is shown just buying drugs from random people? All to justify his prisoner plot, none of which had any real impact. And he can fly for a second for some reason. Okay.

Five working for the CIA was bad. He should have been the retired fun uncle to Claire and Grace. After spending fifty years trying to get back to his family why did he keep leaving them? Why did he hook up with his brother's wife after only six years? And am I supposed to believe that in every timeline he has the same haircut? That none of the other Fives lost their arm? How did he never notice his boss's blatant umbrella tattoo? He just casually strolls through "his" apocalypse as though he doesn't have ptsd, and why were he and Lila living off sewer rats when they had infinite timelines to scavenge?

I was so excited to see Ben witg the family but one episode in he becomes a bomb and fucks off with a girl who can hardly be called a character.

Viktor was the only character I thought got some form of authenticity and justified growth, his arc kind of seemed like a ripoff of S3 Klaus though. And we missed out on what could have been a really beautiful scene of him drawing the upside down umbrella on his arm.

Lila went from "I don't want to be like my mom" to a motherhood cliche. And what was the deal with her family? She just found her parents and they immediately accepted her or something? Was there another Lila in this universe? That made no sense. If anyone would have joined the CIA it would have been her. Her and Diego should have been weird parents teaching their kids how to fight and kill but instead they got some domestic life that those characters never belonged in.

And there's so much more! Abigail is alive? Hardly relevant. Why did she body snatched Gene, it didn't really seem to change anything. The Keepers existed only to be a minor obstacle in the last episode. And are her and Reggie aliens? Why? How? What's the point?

AND DURANGO? THAT'S A CAR! Harland named marigold and for a farm kid that makes sense (though the retconned acceptance of that word into Umbrella vocabulary was irksome) But Durango? Abigail is a scientist and she names The Bad Dust after an SUV? Why?

AND WHY WAS THERE ZERO QUEERNESS? Each of the first three seasons had some sort of queer arc but not this one. I still wonder if some higher-up didn't intentionally assassinate the show as backlash for the immense respect S3 gave Elliot Page.

One last thing, music is a big part of the show, they've always put such thought and care into the soundtrack and it makes sense knowing who the creators are, so why, of all songs, was Baby Damn Shark the first song to be featured in like three episodes? It seems intentionally disrespectful.

I'm done, rant over, I'll never recover from this.