#and I sort of want to be him. she says. with a job and a kid and no carpentry skills to speak of

[angrykittybarbarian]

A list of things that bother me about Dragon Age: The Veilguard Part 2

I already touched on a few things that caught my attention and personally irked me about the game. After getting through some more of it naturally a few more points have come up. Though I think they are not really new aspects but more concrete examples of what I had touched on last time.

Without further ado, let's get into it.

!Spoilers below the cut!

The dialogue is repetetive and at times contradictory

Like I already discussed last time the dialogue is bad, to express it in the simplest of terms. As I progressed through the game I stumbled upon a glaring example for what I mean.

In the questline where you infiltrate a Venatori meeting there is a part where Neve in disguise and in company of Rook and another companion gets a Venatori to admit that Elgar'nan was present but not Ghilan'nain. For some inexplicable reason Neve turns around and repeats this twice as if Rook wasn't present.

But moving on.

I stated in my last post that the game feels the need to state the obvious. This is what I mean. It makes the dialogue feel like a rough draft that was incorporated into the game without further polish.

As of its contradictory nature two examples come to mind.

In Harding's companion quest you meet this dwarf of Kal Sharok. His dialogue is stoic, no bullshit straight to the point and passionless. Which was fine. But after several minutes of him being that way they get to stone statue Valta who speaks in these misteryous riddles and suddenly he switches to this unserious tone of "Oh that weird statue, we never know what she's saying, ain't she funny." (I'm paraphrasing here). I was confused for half a minute because of his sudden change in attitude and left wondering what his characterization is supposed to be now: serious or quirky?

Same thing with Taash's whole story. This is especially upsetting because I feel like they could have done such great work with it.

Instead it suffers so much from several inconsistencies that I felt sorry for the VA because they actually did a great acting job.

Taash has a coming out scene with their mother where they reveal they're non-binary. Ignoring the usage of modern terms in a medieval-ish setting, the conflict about their gender makes no sense.

The writing wants you to believe Shathann is not okay with her child being non-binary but she never actually expresses such a thing. Actually Shathann sort of had an inkling that Taash was no ordinary woman ("Behaves more like a man...") and she never passed any negative judgement on it. When Taash told her this she even tried to understand by categorizing their identity into qunari vocabulary she knew (remember the term aqun-athlok?).

I get how hard it is to have an overly critical mother and the feeling of not being good enough but that was not what Shathann was about in that scene and it did Taash so dirty because they looked more like an entitled teenager than someone suffering from trauma and perfectionism.

Some old characters are mischaracterized

It's Scout Harding. I mean Harding.

I was really excited to have her as a companion in the new installment but they sort of butchered her character that I found myself annoyed everytime she opened her mouth.

And this is because they make her sound so immature. Really think about it. DATV somehow makes Scout Harding sound younger and more childish than she was in DAI despite the fact that she is supposed to be a whole decade older in DATV than in DAI.

I don't know what direction her VA recieved while recording but everything was pronounced so slowly and extra clear that it seemed at times that Harding was either talking to a confused elderly person or a child.

She herself uses expressions not fit for her age. The most jarring moment was when she called the Blight in D'meta's Crossing 'weird' and sounded like a teenager who has stumbled upon furry art for the first time on deviantArt. This pattern pretty much continues throughout the game. And it hurts so much.

Also Morrigan. She at least still uses her even for DA setting standards antiquated vocabulary but she is too happy and cheery and friendly.

Morrigan is not a nice person to those she does not know and like personally. But to Rook she was so nice despite having met them for the first time.

The Morrigan we have come to know love/hate should have been more snarky or at least more neutral in her demeanor.

The Venatori

I don't know why they are still a thing honestly. I was under the impression they have lost all footing after the death of Corypheus. Why would they follow the Gods of the people their country systemically abuses anyway?

Bonus: Why would the Antaam for that matter, as the qunari are so notoriously arcanophobic that they leash their mages, sew their mouths shut and literally call them "dangerous thing"?

Solas' spy network and agents

What happened to them? Where are they? Shouldn't he have a small army? Why weren't they used as the gods' agents instead of the Venatori? Surely, Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain would have an easier time simply controlling Fen'Harels elven army after imprisoning him in the fade.

The Chantry

It is just not present. Sure there are some Chantry buildings but there is no discussion of faith. In all previous DA games the Chantry has had a constant influence that could be felt everywhere. Faith was discussed and explored from various angles and perspectives, ranging from ultra conservative to progressive. But in Veilguard it's not there.

Why are we not exploring the Tevinter Chantry more? Why doesn't Emmrich discuss the nevarran Chantry, who follows the Sunburst Throne in Orlais, in regards to the Mournwatch, their necromancy practices and magic? Why was he not affected by the mage uprising that started in Kirkwall? How does he deal with faith and the Chantry? It is simply never mentioned.

By all accounts, this game avoids delving into the world like the plague.

[sevs-corner]

Tf 141: Mafia AU!

Chapter 2: Jobless? More like Job-bless

A/N: Link to prev ch + mini epilogue of the chap (where it goes to another character’s pov aside from the reader :DD) :

Preface:

After the mess of a morning, you instantly got roped into the orderly chaos of the bakery. Under a contract (a list of chores really) you are now tied to the place Nonna and Nonno calls home.

Although, you soon come to learn that it is the home of other certain individuals as well.

With a groan, you wonder how many things are left on the chore list posted on the to-do board, pinned with all sorts of menus, post-it notes, old recipes, and photos of people you don’t really care to know or recognize; although, you were curious of who that one handsome man was.

Which you kept at the back of your mind to ask Nonna during your break later.

For now, you had to focus up and sort this damn mountain of trash.

You even got scolded by the trash guy for having mixed the recyclables and non-recyclables! You pouted, mumbling that it wasn’t your fault but the old couple who ran this place— yet all he did was wave you off, saying that he’d make an exception and come by tomorrow, ‘as long as the trash is sorted.’

To be honest, you’d rather sort him to the non-recyclables pile.

Rancid- the whole lot of it was! You couldn’t believe it got stocked up until the second floor of the building… but you kinda have to wonder if they threw it from below with an underhand throw or dropped from the room you were currently in.

The latter seems more plausible.

Until you saw Nonna, spin and accurately place another bag on top- winking at your gaping form, knees bent with your elbows resting on it exhaustion.

“Is that nasty sickness gone?” She asks, arms folded on her chest as she leans by the doorway.

“I think I got another type of nasty sickness,” you raised your arms and showed the dirty yellow rubber gloves and apron covered in grime.

She laughs and nods, “well better get to finishin’! Else, you wouldn’t make it to the lunchtime rush.”

“Is that part of the list too?” You asked, stunned, you were very sure that was on there until Nonna waved you in. Pointing at the pin board by the doorway.

You slightly let yourself, making sure none of the guck got in the place you just cleaned. Bending and craning your neck upward, you gasp at how the checklist just became double its size from before, a stapler at both ends of the first one connecting to the next.

You quickly turn your head, tone accusatory- “you added onto it!”

“There’s a lot to do,” she shrugs, “didn’t quite give you the full list.”

She points to the first saying how that was Nonno’s list while the next was made by her. You pouted, finding it unfair- knowing how it wouldn’t be completed in a day, actually more than a week no less!

“How am I supposed to help you guys tomorrow if I can’t find my place today?”

She hums, tapping her chin before snapping her fingers and roughly pinching your puffed out cheeks.

“You stay upstairs with us, of course!”

“WHAT?”

You reflexively scream reacted, falling to your dramatically as your hands catch your upper body before it fell into the door way face first.

“Not a bad deal, right dearie?”

“Rightly so, dear wifey!”

You could hear the old couple tease you (with the old man coming in to see what the racket was that disturbed him from his cooking routine, only to see his wife amusing herself once more with the new kid she “adopted” (nonna’s words not his)) making you feel even more depressed, wondering what made you think it was a good idea in the first place to sign up to this deal.

You wanted info- and they needed a helper. The end.

You should have read the Terms and Conditions really. (The non existent one aka, reading between the lines and the vibe of the couple.)

Alas, you accepted your fate, resigning to it really as you stood up, looking at the list before retuning to the trash area, where the old couples kisses and giggles were still echoing by the back door way. A reality slapping reminder of what you needed to get back to immediately.

Kneeling by the pile you left, you spot a cat- a strangely pristine white one with bright blue eyes. It looked a bit fancy to be wandering around this part so you checked its neck for a collar yet there was none.

Humming to yourself, you called to it softly as you removed your stickily sweat gloves.

The cat, as if heeding your call, comes closers to your whispers of encouragement and ultimately sits before you meowing and nudging its head towards you.

“Aww!” You gleamed, immediately petting it with your finger tips, but melt even more as it long and fluffy tail wrapped around your fingers- as if urging you to continue your pampering.

“You’re such a cutie! Aren’t ‘cha?” You continue cooing at it, and with how immediately comfortably attached the cat was with you- you decided to try and carry it by opening your arms.

The cat crawls pause, sensing your pets has stopped and stares at you.

You stare it back.

Like a lightbulb popping up, the cat meows and stand up, crawling closer and…

“Now who the hell is there?”

You and the cat screech, both jumping in the air.

Although the difference between the two of you was one landed on their ass while the other ran away.

Unceremoniously once again.

You heaved, looking at the man intimidatingly making himself known by the entrance of the alleyway to the back door of the bakery, smoke in hand while the other was on his side- a holster you assume as you see something gleam below the morning light.

You noticed that he wore a suit quite similar to the men you met last night. Although this time, it was dark navy blue in color with a heavy coat on top, and brown shoes that seemed quite shinier that the jewels he wore on his fingers.

As you picked apart his outfit, he came in closer, noticing how you shivered at his presence (you weren’t it was just cold and he surprised the beejeebus out of you.)

So he stopped a bit aways away, five feet apart to be safe of the unexpected accusation that might come along by strangers at the street side.

“Got any business with this place?”

“Huh?” You look up at him, finally looking at his- less irritated, more confused than anything- face. His slicked back blonde hair made his eye brow raise and forehead creases even more noticeable as he tossed to you his questionable stare.

“Oh, uh yeah- I do.”

He nods, “right.”

You deadpanned, with you not believing him and him not believing your words— you decided to start the conversation again by standing and introducing yourself.

“I’m Graves,” he does the same, and stuff his hands in his pocket, offering a nod and grin.

“Like…” you paused, “the tombstone?”

He deadpans this time and sighs, shaking his head.

“You... you can put it that way,” he waves his hand, “but what’s your business here anyway, shortstack?”

You grumble to yourself about his nickname but placed in the back burner for later, where you would also burn him- but that’s a plan in the making.

“Why do you need to know?” You reply, a bit apprehensive of his prying. It’s not like he lived here- as far as you know.

…Maybe he was going to hustle you for messing with his favorite smoking spot?!

“Oh!” You turn to him, making his mouth clamp shut. “This might have been your smoking spot right? My bad.”

You bowed your head in a slight bow when apologizing, “its just that the owners of the bakery told me to clean up here,” you pointed to the pile of dump on the trashcan, “but as you can see, its taking me some time.”

He laughs, finally connecting the dots in his head and figuring who you were.

“Those old hags giving you trouble?”

Suddenly his arm was on your shoulder, slinging you forward and into his space which made you slightly flinch away, half uncomfortable and the other half making you hope wouldn't dirty his- clearly expensive- suit then blame it on you and pay for cleaning or worse... replace it.

Yeah, you didn't want to think about that.

So, you shook your but deeply sigh anyways, "it's all good."

You didn't know why but you wanted to reassure the stranger. In hope of getting him off your case? Maybe so- but it was more likely that his suit quite stank from the smell of cigs and alcohol, but with the mix of his- high end- cologne- it was just a smell that spelled disaster for your senses.

"Really now?" Unconvinced he was again but at this point, why did you continue to care?

So you huffed, sliding out of his grasp- surprisingly easily- and went by the back door, arms crossed just like a certain someone had done moments ago.

"Really," you rolled your eyes, "but its up to you to believe it or not."

Graves' eyes sparkled, smirk widening as he sniffs out a challenge- a challenge to his authority.

He scoffs out an amused chuckle as he sees you stomp back into the bakery in a huff, clearly cutting short your interaction with him and the conversation.

A conversation he quite wanted to continue.

So he follows, interest now piqued, wondering if you were a new face in town or simply a fleeting face he'd forget in a momentary notice. Whatever it was, he wanted to know.

His gut feeling says he has to--

it hasn't proven him wrong after all.

Entering the warm bakery as compared the cold breeze the outside gave made you shiver, hoping your body would better quickly adapt to the temperature change.

Quickly hanging your apron, you called out to the two that you came back for the lunch rush, all the while washing your hands in the kitchen's sink.

Whistling a tune, you think back to the words of Nonna earlier, having said that you would have to stay here until you get the end of your bargain. At least, that was what you think she meant until the list is done and dealt with.

Your actions slow as you think of an alternative-- you could text your co-worker and ask them right now, but that was embarrassing to think of doing. They gave simple instructions of how to get at the place, yet you somehow got lost and stumbled upon so much more people than you think you would have before coming into this reputable city.

To be honest to yourself for a moment, you didn't want to admit it to them not because of embarrassment- but because of how you felt ashamed of yourself. You didn't like having yourself in this position, squandering away for any penny you can make, scraping by with each paycheck, and most of all, for being so stupid that you can't even repay the kindness your co-worker has shown you. It felt like a waste, that you weren't using it right now-- staying at their place and slowly making it up to them by paying back every single money they spent to pay for rent, utilities, and food that they provided.

So you resolved yourself, slapping your face with the washed hands to wake yourself up from the quite long (short) introspection of your situation right now.

You did owe Nonna and Nonno for staying here, but for the boss of Soup? No... Suds-? Anyways, you had to repay that guy's boss as well for the lodging last night.

Maybe you can rearrange the agreement with the couple to provide- at least- the minimum of minimum wages so you wouldn't be just free labor for their amusement.

Despite thinking that they really might need some help, looking around at the state of place.

"Seems like you washed your hands extra clean."

You hear a sip behind you, jumping once more as you naturally glared at the person that spooked you.

"Could you like," you waved your hands around trying to find words, "not spook me every time you appear-- are you the boogeyman incarnate or something?"

This man in front of you, as formal as he looks, just breaks into cackles.

Downright fits of laughter that continuously bubble out of him.

Wheezing and all that-- but you wait, staring at him strangely and for him to catch his breath.

After a couple minutes pass and he doesn't, even leaning against the doorway as he covers his face (which was bright red) in attempt to limit his giggles, you sigh and untangle your arms. Pushing yourself off the sink and moving him aside so you could start the lunch shift.

"Wa-wait!"

You hear the man wheeze out and in frustration, you grumble out a- "what?"

"I- I was only ask-asking about you earlier bec-because--"

"because he's la famiglia, cara!"

You turn to the sudden pop of Nonna at your side, looking at her in question, "what do you mean-?"

"He-!" She quickly slaps his back to cough out his remaining laughter, "is one of my sons!"

"Son?" you ask, head tilting as you think back to that photo on the board. You turn to the board, checking if you were right-- and it was as if fate checked mate you as your eyes locked onto the boy at the far right side of the one completed family picture (you assumed) which had a lot of members.

'Blonde and blue eyes...'

The man, who has just been a disaster a couple of minutes ago, had now regain his composure and grinned at you as if it didn't look like he was losing his balls earlier.

"That's why I was concerned shortcake," he wraps his arm around Nonna (who just snuggles into him), "'cause I'm her son."

'Oof. '

Well, now that you know that they were all their (adopted) children in that picture, you find yourself more at ease in Graves' presence as Nonna chats to him about what happened ever since you showed up, with him humming and commenting from time to time.

As they sat at the side, you continued to do your job, managing the register and the back of the house- sending orders in and plates out.

You did it so much that by the time another table came, you were in auto pilot, customer service mode.

"Hello and welcome! What can I get for y'all started with--"

"Well, aren't you worse for wear."

Hearing that out of place comment made you snap out of your stupor, finally taking in the faces before you.

"The guys from last night!" You gasp, "and Suds' boss!" you glanced at the man with a beard and you could see him smile and nod, reaffirming who he was.

"Yes, that's me-"

Yet he gets cut by the rounding laughter of the table, making you confused, muttered a small, "what?"

"Suds--" The kind man from the other night manages out before falling into another fit of wheezing.

"His name ain't Suds, darlin'," the guy with a rough, scratchy voice talks and you now see that he was wearing a skull mask on the upper part of his face, then a black clothe covering his lower half.

"It's not?"

The man in question groans out, "its Soap you nest-head!"

You clicked your tongue, "Now I'm less inclined to call you that, Suds."

Now even Price chuckles at this exchange, making 'Grickky' looking at him in shock.

"Did you sleep well?"

Price redirects the conversation and you turn to him with a smile and nod, "thank to you sir."

You politely bowed your head and told him how you were gonna pay him back for it, but he just shakes his head- telling that you "shouldn't worry your pretty lil' head over a lil' cash."

"But its not a little amount!" You protested and they looked at you in shock. Thinking that you would just accept it and be done with it.

"I know better than anyone how both kindness and money is precious, so I'll work to pay you back sir."

The determination flaming in your eyes makes them quite stunned at the moment before Price just chuckles, "do as you wish." He says in contentment of the moment, and he was quite satisfied from how you reacted- bubbling and smiling as if you weren't laying sick mere hours ago when they last saw you.

"Cara!"

You hear Nonna call for you and you pause, asking for the four to wait a moment while you walk to see what Nonna needed until you see her approaching in excitement.

"Nonna-?"

"Oh my gosh!" She squeals into your arms, "I can't believe you're meeting all my boys today!"

"Your...boys?"

You stare at her for a moment before redirecting it to the sheepish four who sat there.

Welp... now your proclamations sounds a little awkward...

There was no way she would let her own son pay for lodging at his parent's place.

Even though you've only known Nonna for a couple hours, you were quite sure. A conclusion which made you throw your head back in embarrassment once again.

"just how many sons do you have?!"

A/N: Long chapter for the 2nd one because I got inspired! And also for the warm reception and the attention my silly lil AU for Tf 141 is getting hehe so thank yall <33 Cheers to more chapters to come !!

[black-rose-writings]

Inspired by some recent conversations, I'll do something I wanted to write out for a while - how would Bella Swan fare as the Sun Summoner.

Bella Swan is the go-to example of a poorly written "blank slate" protagonist, Twilight birthed half of the shitty fanfic tropes of the last few decades. I also shares a lot of parallels to SaB/Grishaverse as a whole, imo, but it a sort of "evil twin"/twisted yin-and-yang sort of way.

There's a lot I could go into here, but let's just stick to the premise - the heroines.

Firstly, it's important to say that their backstories are super important to how they turned out as people, so "Bella Swan as Sun Summoner" and "Alina with Bella's personality" would be kinda different - Alina's damage comes from not being able to grow up, while Bella's are from parentification, from being forced to grow up too fast.

(Since most of my audience is probably not familiar with Twilight, a significant part of Bella's backstory is that her mother is not a very practical, to put it mildly, and that Bella had to be the responsible one in the relationship from pretty early on in her life. Honestly, narrative-wise in many places, it feels almost like Alina was supposed to be the protagonist of Twilight (a 21st century teenager dragged into the supernatural kinda against her will) and Bella was supposed to be the heroine of SaB (a gothic heroine forced to grow up too fast, fascinated and drawn by the supernatural), but I digress.)

There's two ways her's backstory could go:

If we go the orphanage route, there's not really much that needs to be changed - in fact, she almost makes much more sense as a product of such environment than Alina. I'm calling this one Bellalina (she has Alina's backstory and talents, but with Bella's personality). Bellalina was a sickly child, who burried herself in books, dreaming of a life that seemed out of reach, while being forced to take care of the younger children and generally help around the orphanage, getting herself a brainy job in the army as soon as she could to get away. She'd have a much more complicated relationship with Ana Kuya than Alina has, similar to the complicated feelings Bella has to both of her parents (again, for my Grishaverse followers, Bella was heavily parentified by her mom and seems at least somewhat aware that it messed her up, and she has a distant relationship with her father, especially early on in the books, mostly because they're basically strangers when the books start).

The only problem with the orphanage route is that I kinda have hard time believing someone with Bella's personality would manage to avoid being discovered for so long.

Bella's original backstory is hard to transplant into the Grishaverse, just because of how differently marriage is treated in the Grishaverse compared to the modern world, especially in the social classes Bellalina would need to be to recieve the necessary education. I'm calling this one Liza, considering the slavic version of Isabella is some form of Elisabeta and she is Bella in the Grishaverse). But here's an attempt at a plausible version - Liza's mother was either a lower noblewoman or the daughter of a wealthy merchant, who eloped with a soldier when she was younger, but quickly changing her mind after getting a taste of the less-than-wealthy life, returning to her parents, either pregnant or with baby Liza. Grishaverse!Renée(Renata, maybe, if we wanted to slavify her name) and her family would certainly try to get her divorced or have the marriage annuled (depending on the relevant law in Ravka). This might work, or she might just have to wait for Grishaverse!Charlie(I'm thinking of slavifying his name to Kirill, which has different origins, but there's no russian version of Charles and I refuse to name him Karel) to die (which is not exactly an unlikely fate for a lowly soldier). Either way, Renata, due to having such sordid past (by 19th century standarts) and possibly still being technically married to Kirill, has hard time remarrying, only managing to do so when Liza is almost 16. At which point, Bella decides she might as well join the Ravkan army, seeing it as the best way to set herself up for her future (and probably to get away from her mom and her family, who probably didn't let her forget about having a common father and questionable legitimacy).

Either way, she ends up in the army - Bellalina still in the carthography unit, Liza, I'm not sure what Bella's skills would be good for in a 19th century army. Maybe some kind of communication officer? A clerk? Some kind of intelligence work (like, the boring, paper-pushing kind)? (that would be very ironic considering Alina's utter disregard for the concept of secrecy) A secretary/typist for some higher-up officer? IDK, something fitting for a well-educated, observant and intelligent, but physically feeble girl.

From here, the divergences mostly end.

She's sent across the Fold as part of an assignment, things go badly, she's discovered as a Sun Summoner, pretty much as it goes in the books.

Except Bella is into it. She's been dreaming of having a dashing hero sweep her away into a magical life since she was little. She would spend the entire ride to the little palace asking way too many questions like an over-excited toddler. She'd be crushing on Sasha so hard (especially after he saves her life).

She would dive into her studies head first once she arrived. Again, this girl dreamed about this her whole life. She loves this, she loves the power. Mental block who?

She is also very observant. She would clock Aleksander's immortal ass within two conversations (and probably confront him about it first opportunity to get him alone).

Bella is also significantly hornier than Alina, so Winter Fete would get much spicier.

Now, the real big question: Would she believe Baghra? My answer is no. Primarily because she would have confronted Sasha about the before-mentioned immortal bullshit before the Fete, and would probably recieve at least an outline of the plan at that point. (Considering how non-chalantly OG!Bella rolled with vampire murder lore, she would probably be fine with some tactical fantasy nukes, especially if framed through "protect the people you care about" lense). Also, if Bella was promised a good dicking, she would not listen to Baghra on principle, because she's horny and she's NOT going to be happy about getting cockblocked.

Que good ending, immortal overlord Sasha and his immortal saint wife Bella bring world peace.

[diyasgarden]

Hi so to another blog, I sent in the request for gymteacher!patrick but now that I think about it, I feel like he’s one of those adults who secretly hates kids fgccjjjgffhhhj. It’s the whole vibe I got from whenever he was talking to Tashi and Lily was brought up like yeah he could say he feels awkward about the fact those two had a kid…….but I also just feel he hates kids 💀. It’s giving “fuck them kids, and fuck you too!”

ohhh i actually love the gymteacher!patrick hcs you sent @saintzweig. mars ate that up. if you haven’t read that, go do that!!!

i am inordinately fond of the idea that patrick doesn't like children because he can't wrap his mind around them as a concept. a tiny being who is still developing? continually learning about life? dependent on the people around them? it's overwhelming for him to process any of it, but it's all he can think about it in their presence. it also drums up the memories of his own childhood he'd rather forget. feelings he thought he long buried, but persist against his inclination.

so by proxy...i love the idea of elementary school teacher! patrick who took the job because it was his only choice. patrick who has been down on his luck and desperately needs to find a stable source of income, at least for the time being. teaching is not his first choice (and he's damn sure he is going to lose his mind), but it's the only job he could find that pays well. if he's going to be miserable anyway, he reasons he may as well be getting a paycheck out of it.

he goes in, does his job, and leaves. the other teachers are a bore, and he's to uneasy around the children to actually get close with them. ironically, his supposed indifference to the children makes them love him even more. he chocks it up to the childish curiosity of wanting to know more about the new, distant teacher, but the truth? they just like him. they like the way his language isn't filtered and how he mumbles under his breath. even the way he never breaks into that primordially passively assertive voices the other teachers have or never seems to have a solid plan. his behavior is new and captivating, but also makes him feel like an equal. in a way, patrick isn't a teacher they want to impress, but a friend they want to make. so while his goal was to avoid having any of these kids form an attachment to him, he's failed extraordinarily.

not to say he can avoid forming any attachments himself. i mean he sees these kids everyday, it's only natural to feel some sort of connection to them. it doesn't have to mean anything (at least this is what he tells himself). so what if he knows how to tie Lucy's shows the way she likes it when they come undone during soccer. or remembers to remind Aiden to take off his glasses before it's time for dodgeball. he's perceptive with details. basically has something in his head for every student, but wouldn't anyone notice (well again...what he tells himself). he's allowed to take some interest in their lives, learn about what they like or think. it's not a crime, nor does it have to mean anything. this is just a job and he still doesn't like children (he's started to repeat this to himself like a mantra).

the year goes on and his interest expands, much to his displeasure. they're growing on him, he can't deny it. he cares for all of his students, and while the concept of children still makes him uneasy, he's been able to push it down. focus on the joy the kids bring in the moment, rather than what their existence means for him. he enjoys being around all of them. especially the little, quiet kid who doesn't really talk much. always a little behind in gym, but really is sweet. and i mean just wait until he meets you...that kid's mom.

[itsa-me-lily]

So I wrote this during my lunch hour in a haze of fruit and inspiration. Thank you @kitsur for reading this over for me to check the ending and in general for hearing me go on my crazed cork board rants some days (most days)

This is a sequel to “That’s My Purse” and I really really encourage you to read part one because it sets all of this up. And maybe read this if the bed comment is confusing. Also thank you @nightunite for the original ask that lead to all this.

Here is the list to Military Program Spouse

Content warning; cheating (kind of. It’s more non monogamy I guess and it’s very debatable if it’s even ethical because I really don’t think Simon would explain his arrangement to a stranger), fatphobia, misogyny, “bro language”

Alright, he could admit it. You weren’t the worst person to be married to. Though you were certainly in the running for most annoying. Always had some smart comment to say, acting like it was an Olympic sport you were aiming for gold in. Sometimes Simon just wanted to eat his beans on toast in god damn peace. Was that too much to ask for?

So yeah you seemed to always run your mouth with him, but sometimes you did say things that made logical sense.

He didn’t care about the whole demi-whatever thing you had explained to him, even if it sparked some sort of recognition in the back of his brain. You didn’t want to have sex with him, so he didn’t want to have sex with you, simple enough. And he could appreciate that you didn’t want the entire base to know he was being cuckholded, however willingly. Though he didn’t really care what people around him thought.

But he’d give what he got. The few times he did find someone that held some interest to him, in some after mission bar, he at least made sure there wasn’t a surface level connection to the base, or you. He’d go back to their place and then act like he had just gotten back from the mission when he went home the next morning. It didn’t seem to bother you and he’d figure you’d appreciate the extra night in the bed and not the pull out.

The first time he tried though, Price nearly put him on his ass. Pulling him to the alley outside the pub and shoving him against a wall, demanding to know if Simon was the kind of man to ignore his vows just to get his dick wet. Trying to explain your agreement with Price went phenomenally awful, and the captain wouldn’t look at him different until all three of you sat down and you confirmed that you were indeed okay with it.

And then of course it had to happen all over again with the other two chuckleheads he worked with. By the time you were having your third sit down with Soap you’d just handed him some informational pamphlet you cooked up. Always had to be cheeky you did. He didn’t think they really understood, but as long as they didn’t look at him like he was a scummy bastard he didn’t care.

So every now and again he’d find someone to follow back to theirs, just to blow off some steam, get rid of the twitch that lived under his skin. The sex was okay. Nothing to write home about. It got the job done.

It was what Simon was planning to do tonight. There was already some bird leaning against the bar, giving him the stare as she nibbled on the end of her drink straw. Plump little thing. But before he could get up to start his advance, voices behind him broke out in the loud drunk way young twenty-something men did when they had too much liquid courage.

“Listen man, pussy is pussy even in the dark”

“Yeah but you got some balls to go after Riley’s wife.”

That stopped him, keeping him glued to his seat. What’s this about you? Judging how Soap’s bottle paused at his lips though, Simon wasn’t the only one to hear it.

“Yeah well she found your balls lacking bro.”

There was mocking laughter from the table behind him. At least Simon wasn’t the only one catching casualties from your mouth. He was going to let it go, maybe just see who they were to keep in mind, when the ring leader decided to seal his fate.

“Yeah yeah. Fat cow’s acting all tough now but she’ll be begging for it sooner or later.”

No Simon didn’t notice how his grip tightened around his beer, tight enough that his fingertips turned white.

“Dude you think?”

No one in the vicinity heard how Simon’s chair scrapped violently against the ground as he stood up.

“There’s no way Riley is fucking that. Even with back shots she’s-”

No one at the other table expected Simon Riley to appear out of thin air, heavy hand coming down with a crushing force onto the man stupid enough to slander your name. Pearson. Of course it was. Jackass who thought he was god’s gift to everyone because Daddy had a bit of money and some girls let him stick it in once.

Yes, you had to have the last word all the fucking time. You had too much shit, and he honestly thought you were a little too obsessed with your guinea pigs.

But you always met him head on. Was so unapologetically yourself, laughing so loudly at terrible jokes even he got startled now and again. You respected who he was, how he was. Like hell he was going to let some personification of a left ballsack talk about you like that.

“She’s my wife”

[arcane-ish]

What do we call this? Headcanons? Plotbunnies? Wishful thinkings?

Since I full expect Arcane to not give me the timebomb I want, I'm just gonna write how it would pan out in my perfect world.

Ekko gets spit out by HexCore and the Jinx worship is already in full swing. He's fucking pissed. He's so pissed he puts his mask on (to contain his emotions) and she sort of snarkily tells him who is he kidding with that mask, to just take it off. He takes it off and she can see how emotional he is and then they have an angry heart to heart (with like Jinx saying it's not her fault, the whole revolutionizing sort of came to her). Ekko is upset, because he worries about his people, but he also maybe senses that it's too late to put the genie back into the bottle and he isn't sure how to feel about it. *

In my head there is a dream/fanfiction scene where Ekko's tree gets burned down and he basically runs into the fire/destruction. Jinx is there sort of staring at it. It's not her place to intervene because they don't have that kind of relationship. But right before he can seriousy injure himself she pulls off her gun and shoots at his feet. He stops, turns around, goes "wtf", runs for her and they tussle/fight again, but the aim is achieved to get his attention elsewhere. There is arguging and snarling involved in the fight. *

Maybe after they pull apart again he's all "that's it, I'm gonna kill Caitlyn". And Jinx stops him. Because while she's all in favor of killing Caitlyn, she kind of likes him being the moral one. (plus hating Caitlyn is her job). Ekko relents once he realizes that that's what she is doing and switches to "okay, we'll get her and bring her down a peg" and they team up. *

I kind of want a scene where Ekko is helping people who have been injured in an attack and Jinx maybe dons her cape to do the same and do it anonymously. Like in the past she would have had to hide herself because people hate and fear her and maybe now it's because she's too much of a celebrity and now people always want something from her. They share a quiet look of understanding/temporary ceasefire from arguing about it. ***

Yes, I realize that exactly none of that will happen because the writers refuse to give Ekko the sceentime, character arc and point of view he deserves. (for example, I so wanna see Ekko seek out pitfighter Vi and just enjoying being the younger one again: of course in my perfect word both Jinx and Ekko show up to one of Vi's fights, stare at her and just marvel together at how fucked up she is) But I can at least write it down.

[gdn7-dollopole]

These are actually the best guesses I’ve seen so far, and that I thought about too before. They’re the ones that make the more sense and I totally agree with these. Everything here has some logic (although, I don’t know why, I would say Elyan is older. Gwen has always had many responsibilities, by already having a job at court and helping his father and the business, even when there was Tom who looked after her. Given that Elyan changed once Arthur helped him, he got more mature, and Gwen probably always got angry with him, maybe because he was already supposed to be mature, since he was older. She got angry that he didn’t go to their father’s funeral, and Gwen expected him to be there as an older figure, someone who could give Gwen some peace of mind, and also, yes, the way Elyan makes fun of Gwen when they’re kidnapped, about her crush on Arthur, could be a sign of a younger sibling making fun of the older one, but I see it more as Gwen finally able to be her age again, without much responsibilities and weight on her shoulders, now that Elyan’s back, and so she gives in with the teasing, and that’s a sign that she’s younger. Also, there must have been some sort of rule about being too much young and without money to be able to travel. Yes, it’s the Middle Ages, but perhaps Elyan had some more savings given that he was older, and Tom let him go and travel. This is also BBC fault, because we have no other background for Gwen and Elyan’s family except that they have a father who’s named Tom and that they’re Blacksmiths. The reasons behind Elyan going away could be many, but maybe money and the feeling of not belonging at a certain age and thinking that because of that older age you can do everything you want, could be another sign that’s Elyan’s older. Maybe it wouldn’t make sense because an older sibling doesn’t “abandon” the younger with those many responsibilities, but actually, they would, especially because older siblings have to take care of the younger ones, they get tired at a certain point and they go away. Maybe Gwen never faulted Elyan either the first time he went away, thinking he deserved it, and changing her mind later, but we’ll never know it).

That’s my opinion though, this is all spot on for me.

one thing that messes me tf UP about bbc merlin is how there are no canonical ages🧍like it didnt even need to be confirmed in the actual show the producers and writers couldve just confirmed it… we can never win

(its borderline impressive how the show has managed to have so many plot holes/inconsistencies tho)

because of that, here are my guesses of each of the characters ages and the reasoning behind it

bbc merlin characters & their ages

arthur: the only character with a confirmed age— the purge started twenty years before s1, which was right after arthur was born. so he’s most likely either turning 20/21 based on him being named as crown prince

merlin: its implied that he was born some time near the end or after the purge (correct me if im wrong!), which means hes most likely 1-2 years younger than arthur. that means he would be 18-19 im guessing

morgana: i always got older sibling vibes from her, but what confirms it is the fact that she’s the natural heir to the throne. also uther and viviennes affair was during his marriage with ygraine and before arthur was born. so! definitely older. not sure by how many years— i kinda guessed maybe 2 years older and thats honestly not based on any evidence LOL its just the vibe. shes probs 22

gwen: i dont think theres any indication of her actual age, so i assume she would be around morganas age because shes her maid. or she would be a little younger than her because shes just so cutesy and sweet in early s1 :( like she was giving being younger than morgana but i dont think she was merlins age either. im also partially basing this on angel being like 3 years older than katie and bradley. so ill guess shes 22-23

lancelot: once again, no actual indication of age (screams) so i think hes probably 21. i literally dont know why i can just feel hes older than merthur LOL

elyan: bro. WHY DO WE NOT KNOW IF GWEN OR ELYAN IS THE OLDER SIBLING. gwen gives older sister, especially with her being the one to stay in camelot with her father while elyan wanted to travel. very much older-younger sibling dynamic. elyan always felt like the youngest of the knights (excluding mordred) but i dont why lol so ill say hes merlin age— so maybe 21 by s3?

gwaine: idk i always had the impression hes older than both arthur and merlin. i think he would be 24 in s3 then! there is not actual evidence based on this rip

percival: i fear we were not given ANYTHING about percival😭 i think hes probably also older than arthur, so by s4 he might be 25… idk…

leon: we know that leon was a part of arthur and morganas childhood, and that gwen and elyans mom was his familys maid (😔💔). hes also was a knight for uther and was arthurs first knight, which implies that hes a little older than arthur. most likely around morgana and gwens age!

yall i had to think long and hard about this LIKEE… part of the reason why is so that i have something to come back to when im writing a fic and need to get an idea on their ages JDJDJDN but also i wanna hear everyone elses thoughts and opinions on the characters’ ages!!!

[dykedvonte]

This was an ask from skull anon I accidently posted early so ignore that here is it actually completed. Crew voice claim first!

Anya - Janine Ditullo. She doesn't really have any big roles but she's Brendan's mom from the show Home Movies. She's snarky in a way I think Anya would be before anything went down.

Curly - Craig T Nelson. Specifically as his role Coach. Think he also has a sort of middle age voice

Daisuke - Greg Cipes but specifically when he's voicing Kevin Eleven as a teen and his voice has that deeper register. I think he just sounds a little punkish.

Jimmy - Steve Buscemi specifically in Parting Glances. I don't think his voice is loud but more shrill? He's a nasally fellow to me whose voice is intimidating because it shouldn't be so when he says stuff it just sound wrong. Like Randall Boggs. He'd be on his kin list. He's scarier when he's quiet.

Swansea - Ed O'Neill just because I think Jay (Modern Family) fits his general demeanor but also Al (Married with Children). Sort of rough, dry and tired but with that sort of comfort only a dad could have.

Now for other general stuff:

Anya knows how to finger quilt, tried to show Daisuke but he just can't get it, secretly smug about it.

Curly is like a gym bro sim. A good distressor for him is either jogging around the Tulpar or like working out like a freak in his room.

Daisuke has a shitty moped he bought himself after a summer of mowing lawns. It was his first purchase with his own real money and he got attached cause his parents were super proud!

He also thinks it makes him look badass even though it sputters every time he starts it.

Swansea likes taking pictures with his family and wife and even the crew but treats it like a whole ordeal. Fusses about people fixing their faces but is always happy with the results no matter how goofy

Jimmy refused to let Anya sleep in medical after crash. He explained it as not wanting to "disturb" Curly...

Swansea once accidently called Daisuke one of his kids names when he got irritated with him. Made the kids day in a way

Curly does not react to any level of sour, likes citrus and calls it sweet and refreshing, war heads are like jolly ranchers to him.

Anya has a very nice singing voice and Daisuke happily jokes and encourages her to get into the indie scene. Did choir as a kid

Jimmy knows a bit of Spanish through osmosis from jobs he's worked. Mostly knows how to talk shit and directions

Tells Curly he's mostly just saying basic stuff but its real vitriolic towards him that he just translates to like general compliments/jokes. He is still just a WHITE man

Anya reads who done it mystery murder books and makes fun of all the obvious twists and how they glaze the detective MC.

Curly lets Jimmy sit in the Captain's seat because when he doesn't Jimmy is noticeably meaner and more scathing to him.

Anya was planning to get a cat after a conversation with Curly about feeling lonely living in her apartment. Was gonna name it Polle as an in joke before everything happened....

Sexuality speed round: Anya is bi no real preference, very open about it. Curly doesn't label himself and kinda just goes with the moment. Daisuke is bi but a larger preference for girls, has a friend that everyone thinks he dating tho. Swansea had experiences in his youth and that's all he'll say on it other than a few comments here or there. Jimmy is straight but in a way where you here him talk about gay people and know he's current experiences... like the other day.

Yeah heres some more I always hold back cause like what if y'all don't want all of them at once? I think they all had family dinner as a crew but it always felt like an awkward thanksgiving with your family from a wide political spectrum... ergo Jimmy always said some shit and make someone storm off from the table.

[cakerybakery]

Adam pulled the banana bread out of the oven. It looked pretty good. Not too brown but not under cooked. Definitely not bad for a first attempt.

Lucifer was going to be surprised. But Adam was just, in the mood to make something with his hands. It was the colder season in hell and he just wanted something fresh and warm, something sweet but not too sweet. He settled on learning to make banana bread.

He left it to cool and started to cleanup.

As he hummed along to the radio, a rock station, he wouldn’t be caught alive listening to Alastor’s jazz bullshit, hands grabbed his middle.

“Hey, what are you doing in the kitchen? Thought you said, “I ain’t no pussy assed wife so don’t expect me to cook or make your limp dick dinner, fuckwad.” When you agreed to marry me.”

Adam rolled his eyes. Yeah, he said that, like five years ago. He fell and when hell turned out to be worse than he thought, Adam went to Lucifer to pitch a fit.

Lucifer made him a deal. Adam wasn’t going to sell his soul but he sold his ass. Not, literally, he wasn’t a whore.

Sinners needed a queen. Charlie was a fine princess of hell, but she was the princess of hell, not sinners. Without Lilith as Queen of the Sinners, they were a fucking bitch to control.

Figuring Adam might have better luck controlling the population, Lucifer offered the job of Queen of Sinners to Adam.

Lucifer had promised shit like not trying to play grab-ass or expecting any sort of wifely duties from Adam.

It was embarrassing to say that within a year Adam was sucking his king’s dick. After five Adam was performing his wifely duties pretty often, and given how often Lucifer was dropping hint about kids lately, he was getting a tad curious if Lucifer knew something he didn’t about their odds of having biological kids themselves, which as far as Adam knew was zero, or if Lucifer was thinking about adoption.

Cooking was still a hard no from Adam. But so had been taking dick at one point. Baking banana bread had been kind of nice. So… maybe he could give cooking a chance.

But he vacuumed just cut his dick off.

“Don’t expect shit. I was just in the mood for something. That one’s yours,” he gestured to the loaf on the cooling rack, “help yourself while I wash up.”

Lucifer did just that.

“This is pretty good.” Lucifer said after the first bite.

“Yeah? Cool. I put in a special ingredient.”

Smiling, Lucifer cooed, “is it love?”

Adam frowned, “what? No. How do you add love to food? It’s horniness. I got the recipe from this lust ring website.”

“How do you add horniness to a recipe?” Lucifer looked doubtfully at his slice of banana bread.

“I came in it. Now I just need your cum and I can bake myself a loaf with the second batch of batter.”

Lucifer put down the slice of banana bread. “Now, I’m going to do that, and I’m going to finish this loaf, but next time tell me before you cum in my food.”

[lissa612]

It’s sorta crazy how a stupid TV show has been able to trigger my anxiety so bad, but it makes sense when I consider all I had been using my hyper fixation on it to distract myself from. Alas, my anxiety has brought back my insomnia which means I wake up sometime between 1am and 2:30am every morning and just MIGHT start feeling ready to fall asleep against around 5…When my alarm goes off to get ready for work.

But it leaves me a lot of time for random pondering. And this morning got me thinking of one thing that either pisses me off or gives me hope (I guess I’ll know eventually…)

They didn’t need a character like Tommy for Buck’s bi (? Maybe - That actually hasn’t truly been confirmed in canon 🙄) awakening.

This is going to sound a lot like some of the anti-Tommy talking points, but please stay with me.

It really COULD have been any good looking, cool guy who did it. Imagine Johnny, a 40yo adrenaline junkie sport type that Buck and Eddie meet during a big emergency the way they met Ali. Now unlike Ali, Johnny keeps it together during the emergency and like Ali helps them save himself and others. Could even make him a military man. Now they could leave this emergency all having one another’s numbers and something along the lines of 7x04 still could have happened.

Buck calls Johnny to see his fun exciting job/hobby, but Johnny is pulled away when Eddie shows up for them to go do something they’d already planned. Buck isn’t complaining to Maddie about Eddie spending all this time with the new guy, but it’s not the cool pilot she already knows about but the cool free climber or whatever they met on a call. The same conclusions are still met with the conversation. Maybe the basketball game isn’t strictly first responders…Chim doesn’t have quite the same idea what’s going on since he really doesn’t know this guy, but he gets that Buck only asked him to the game because Eddie was bringing his new friend. Things still go badly for Eddie’s ankle and Johnny comes to the loft to apologize. There’s no talk about the 118 family, of course, but perhaps some other vulnerability about friendships and a kiss. There’s a date that still goes to hell. There’s coming out to Maddie and Eddie. There’s the coffee meet up. They could still have Buck go balls to the wall and invite him to the wedding despite him only really know Buck and Eddie. Johnny wouldn’t go to the bachelor party and maybe he comes to the hospital, maybe he doesn’t.

Their relationship does what Buck’s relationships do when there isn’t much connecting the person to his teammates or the plots of the show. Bobby can only say that Buck seems happy and settled…He can’t pass judgment on a person he doesn’t know. And they go through the dramas of the 118 together until something triggers a desire for a big move forward for Buck…And the same sort of break up happens.

It’s sad. It’s probably still a bit offensive. But there was never any loss to what could have been brought to the show overall by the departure of Buck’s latest partner, even if he was new in some ways.

But that’s not what happened.

They decided to bring in an established character that could be molded into what they wanted. A firefighter. Better yet, a firefighter PILOT on a show about firefighting that could use some fresh emergency plot ideas. A character with history in the house that holds Buck’s family. With Chim and with Hen and even with Bobby if it’s not nearly as much since Bobby wasn’t his open hearted self back when Tommy was there. And Tommy wasn’t either.

So you have this character who is compatible with the job. He can make for interesting storylines outside of relationship ones. There isn’t going to be a lame break up because the job is dangerous. There isn’t going to be a betrayal based on their mutual prioritizing of work since they would both understand how the work needs priority. You have things you can explore putting the character in pairings with practically every other main and have it make sense.

All that potential by choosing to go with this character that fits so well to just NOT do any of it.

That’s the real loss I am feeling as a fan of the show from the beginning.

And yeah, I shipped BuckTommy and I had hopes for things I wanted to see between them because Buck is my favorite character and I love seeing him shine. I’m heartbroken by his heart being broken. I’m heartbroken because I saw all this potential that I assumed professional storytellers would also see and not squander. That assumption left me blindsided when it seemed they did squander it.

And everyone saying it was written on the wall - It wasn’t. Yes, Buck’s relationships always fail. That’s how things work - Relationships fail until one WORKS. And this one seemed like it should work. Unless you are watching through goggles telling you without a doubt Buck’s endgame lays elsewhere, there was no warning that this is what would happen at the 6 month mark of the relationship.

And it seems like a really dumb thing to do, to let go of such an interesting tool you have available to you as a storyteller. You didn’t have to make the character such an asset to you and the story.

Maybe I’m jumping the gun and they do have plans for possible stories in the future. Awkward emergencies with the 118 and 217 on a scene together for some reason that will use some of that potential. So maybe there is some reason to hope.

Or maybe it is just wasted. And I’m pissed as a fan of the show and as someone who feels emotionally whiplashed by 8x05 and 8x06.

I guess we’ll see. I refuse get my hopes up. Perhaps I’ll watch the show live tonight…Depends if being up at 2am means I’m exhausted by 6:30pm again today (I was only able to force myself to stay awake until 8pm last night). I’ll watch eventually regardless. But I’m probably back to watching the show the way I did before and how I currently watch Ghosts and Tracker…When I remember the show, I’ll binge what I missed. Or I’ll turn it on if I remember during the timeslot. It’s no longer must see TV for me that I will make plans around.

Anyway, done rambling…

[ugly-anastasia]

Later, Annie would wish that she had remembered to record this next bit.

But she wasn't even thinking of it. That heaviness in Divian's eyes, it wasn't a game anymore. There was a real tragedy here, and Annie wasn't even thinking of Divian as an interview subject. She was thinking of him as a friend, someone she was worried about.

So Annie didn't say anything. She just knitted her eyebrows in concern and listened.

"This place is Maria's family's restaurant," Divian began. "We both grew up coming here after school, we'd sit at the table in the corner and do our homework, and when were old enough, we both came to work here. It was supposed to be a long time before Maria even had to think about taking over. Her father was doing an excellent job of running things, and Maria was doing business classes on the side, just to be prepared for that day when he did retire. Well..."

Divian sighed. Annie had a feeling she knew what was coming next.

"It all happened quite suddenly. We thought we'd at least have a few more years with him at first, but his illness progressed faster than anyone could have predicted. Her mother wanted to sell the business, just be done with it all, but Maria was determined not to let that happen. So she took over. But I don't think she realized what she was getting herself into.

"The place was in bad shape financially. Is. Still is. But Maria thought she could turn things around. She took out some loans, reduced some of the hours, worked around the clock... she worked so hard. She loved this place. You have to understand that." Divian got a sort of fire in his eyes at that point, as though this were the most important thing to emphasize.

Whatever had happened, he clearly still loved her.

"But it didn't work. The people she took the loans from, they were not good people. Kept charging more and more interest. Started threatening her. And one day, she just disappeared. Maybe she thought all the problems would go away if she just left. I don't know. I've tried to find her, but it's becoming quite clear she doesn't want to be found."

Divian sighed and sunk further down into his seat.

"Now they come for me. These loan people. They still want their money. And I don't know what to do. I keep hoping, if I can turn this around, if I can pay them off, maybe she will come back. Because that's all I really want. I miss her." His voice broke.

It was an awful story. Annie found herself almost on the verge of tears— it was one thing to lose the person you loved, and another to be left by them, with no idea where they were or whether they were okay, picking up the pieces of their mess.

Annie reached for his hand, her expression ashen. "Divian! That's awful. I'm so sorry," she gasped. "I mean- I can't believe she would just leave you like that. All alone, to handle this by yourself. I mean, you deserve an explanation. And an apology."

"I don't even care about that," Divian admitted. "I just wish I knew she was alright."

@toby-determined

The Secret Menu || Anatoby

[softshuji]

eldest daughter syndrome really do be kicking my ass tbh

[leupagus]

One of the many, many things I loved about "Big Week" was this: the first person Ted asks out on a date is Sassy. There's been a whole lot of drivel from fandom about how Sassy is awful for sleeping with Ted even at times when he's feeling sad, as if it's manipulative or unethical — which is such a goddamn 9th-grader view of how sex among actual adults work — but this episode shows very clearly that Ted is an eager, not to say instigating, participant in their sex-nanigans.

And thanks in part to Sassy, Ted's finally, FINALLY starting to think about dating. In the second season, he makes a comment about "wouldn't it be great if I found my soulmate on Bantr?" but as far as canon has shown, he never even made an account. But I think Michelle having a boyfriend has prompted Ted to look around in earnest. Not, I think, out of a "I'll show her" mentality (a trap that far too many divorced men fall into), but because he's actually thinking about what he wants the rest of his life to look like, now that Michelle will not be sharing it.

I don't think Ted is necessarily thinking about sharing a life with Sassy, either. We know Ted is a romantic, and he likely wouldn't ask anyone out just for shits and giggles; but he's also been friends with serial dater Beard for decades, and has been around soccer and football players to boot. He understands the concept of casual dating, and it's very possible that he would've been fine with casually dating Sassy.

But he's also ready to go further with her if that's what ends up happening; he likes her enormously, finds her funny, appreciates her for who she is. And she likes him too! So I don't think it can be ignored that, when Ted first starts thinking "who would be a good match for me," he thinks of Sassy.

[eats-the-stars]

hate my sister's shitty good for nothing boyfriend. can you imagine being a 30yo man with two kids who won't even scramble an egg. Not for his kids, not for his girlfriend, not for himself. literally if my sister doesn't leave out pre-made meals when he's watching the kids he will rip up bread or pour them dry cereal or open a granola bar and make himself microwave dinners. like, lowest effort possible. but if i mention this to my sis, she'll be like "no he's definitely cooked for the kids! he scrambled an egg for them once! i watched him do it!" but it's like...so he scrambled one egg in the last five years. just to like, prove he can? at your direct insistence? should we all clap? like seriously. hate this guy. had to really hold back recently because he had someone over and he was interacting with the kids more than usual for appearances, and he had to keep asking me and my sis what the 5yo was signing because he barely bothered to learn his own son's primary form of communication. i was so tempted to say "that one means 'go home' but you wouldn't know that because you don't take them anywhere." so hard to hold that in. If I had to describe this man in two words they would be these: Low Effort. Not quite bare minimum, but JUST enough to convince my sister that it would be too much hassle to get rid of him. he's stupid as fuck, but just smart enough to quickly stop shit like screaming obscenities at the kids for doing normal kid things. and he once stomped on my headphones and broke them in a fit of rage, but gave my sister money to replace them so it was "fine." Like, my sister thinks that he's just struggling with his anger issues, because he had a bad childhood, blah, blah, and oh he would never actually hurt her or the kids. and like, good for you, but i don't trust like that. genuinely hoping he gets struck by lightning and dies instantly.

[moe-broey]

No context but I got So distracted. I did not set out to do All That today. I don't even know where the fuck I am anymore. It was all an impulse decision and I didn't even write down the second distraction because it was So Strong. In my mind. But then a second distraction hit my two braincells. I have no idea whwre I am anymore. I was just gonna whip up a shitpost doodle and then go back to my main project. I never even got to the shitpost doodle. 🧍

[nomaishuttle]

the two rules of sweeney todd cast recordjngs is 1. theyll never be better than 2012 london cast talk to the hand 2. theyll never be worse than 2005 broadway cast talk to the hand