#and I miss my weird tension w this man

[monichailatte]

all i can think and talk abt is veep it’s my regina george

[endlessthxxghts]

Biology

“Uncle”!Joel Miller x afab!reader | w/c: 5.4k

Summary: Joel hurt his back at work, so you've been helping him around the house until he heals.

Content/Warnings: able-bodied, female sex anatomy, and inherently fem!reader. No description of reader, everything is neutral (ex. “your bottoms,” “the curve of you” — nothing is specific in the way “you” are described). Age gap (reader early 20s, Joel in 50s). EXPLICIT MATERIAL PRESENT. HEED THE WARNINGS. WEIRD boundaries are crossed…you're not blood-related to Joel, but you were raised like you were. You call him “uncle.” Pet names (baby, darlin’, sweetheart, etc.). Pussy pronouns (she). Innocent touches until it isn't. Sexual tension galore. Slight dub-con. Icky Joel. Icky reader. Pussy grinding. Dirty talk. Slight degradation (“bitch” is used only once). Multiple orgasms. P in V unprotected. Reader is on top. Lots of teasing about the nature of yours and Joel’s relationship. If there’s anything that should be up here but I missed or I made any improper tags, please let me know!

A/N: Hi, my loves! This is slightly different than what you’re used to coming from me… All I can say is, you’ve read the warnings! Don’t bite if it is not your flavor! But for those who do like, I really hope you enjoy! And to my love @strang3lov3, thank you for prompting this and encouraging this side of my brain to finally stop hiding in the shadows. And thank you for your eyes on this and the mood board as well. I love you.🩶

masterlist | notifs blog

“Hey, hon, when you headin’ over to uncle Joel’s?”

You glance at the timer on the oven. “In about ten minutes after these cookies cool. Need something from me?”

“Can ya grab my toolbox before ya leave? Forgot it there the other day,” he replies. “Figured you could get it since you’re already goin’ there today.”

“Sure thing. It’s not the heavy one, is it? Because I don’t know if that old man’s back is ready for a heavy lift like that yet.” The timer on the oven beeps. You slide on your oven mitts to pull the tray out. “Made two batches by the way. How many you want? I’m taking some to Uncle’s, too.” 

About a week ago, Joel had a contracting accident. Some newbie wasn’t watching the older man’s back as Joel climbed up a wobbly ladder, and the next moment, Joel’s footing slipped. He landed right on his lower back, a piece of wood perched on the ground, sitting at just the right spot on the floor to render him immobile. Tommy, Joel’s younger brother, and your father, his best friend since before you were born, are the only two Joel trusts to get the job done perfectly, so Joel put them two in charge until he heals. 

Bed rest, the doctor had ordered Joel, for at least three weeks. It’s been one so far, but with you offering to be his nurse — one that forces him to stay in bed unless he needs to eat or use the restroom — he thinks he just might be back to work by next week. If you’ll let him, that is. 

“No, it’s the small one, hon, you got it,” your father reassures you. He lovingly slaps his growing belly as the trays hit the kitchen counter. “Y’know, darlin’, ever since you moved back, I’ve been gainin’ some weight. Can’t imagine what you’re doin’ t’ Joel over there.”

Your lip pulls up in a smirk. “Joel is in good hands, y’know. And technically, I don’t have to leave you any,” you say with a challenging brow, pulling the cookie trays out of his reach. 

“No, no, I’m not sayin’ that,” your father’s eyebrows raise in worry. His daily cookie is very important to him. “You can leave me like… five… or six.” 

“I’m just gonna leave you a whole batch. The six are gonna be gone before I even leave the house,” you tell your father as his hand subconsciously reaches for the cookie tray. 

He scoffs, “Ya have no faith in me.”

“So what’s in your hand already?”

“Whatever,” he mumbles, walking away with a mouthful of warm cookie dough and melted milk chocolate chips. 

“Uh huh,” you yell back. “Gonna be leaving in just a sec. I’ll see you later.”

It takes less than ten minutes to get to your uncle’s house. You unlock the door using the spare key he gave you as a teenager, and immediately, nurse mode is activated. 

“Uncle Joel!” You yell, exasperated. He turns around from his place in the kitchen, painfully slow. He’s going to make his back worse. “What do you think you’re doing?” You place the fresh cookies on his dining table along with your keys. You cross your arms angrily for good measure. 

“My coffee’s cold. I was warmin’ it up,” he huffs, annoyed.

“Bed, please.” Your hands find his waist, and you guide him back to his room. “You know I’m here around this time. You didn’t wanna call me first to see where I was?”

You ease him in a sitting position at the edge of his bed. He grunts as his ass meets the mattress. He grumbles his response. “Need to start gettin’ back to everythin’ independently, y’know that, don’tcha?”

“Is your memory going with your back, too, unc?” 

“‘Scuse me?” He looks at you incredulously. 

“Three weeks were the doctor’s orders. Not one,” you tell him, putting your foot down. 

He lays himself down with another wince at the motion, no acknowledgement to your words. God, he’s so stubborn. 

“I’ll go make you a fresh cup,” you tell him, feeling sympathetic for the man. His work is his life, and it’s not going to get any easier with age. 

Making your way back to his kitchen, you wash out the coffee pitcher, replace the grounds and the filter, and do some light cleaning as you wait for the bitter, brown liquid to brew. 

It’s only been five minutes since you returned to the kitchen, and the painful moans and groans from his bedroom have only gotten louder. You search around the place and find the heat pack you bought a few days ago and pop it in the microwave. You grab some pain meds, fill up a glass of water, and just in time, the microwave sings to you, telling you your contents are ready. 

Ignoring the coffee for a moment, you make your way back to Joel’s bedroom. His eyes are closed, but his entire body is tensed up in pain. Poor guy. You knock at his door to catch his attention before entering. “Unc?”

One eye peels open. “Yes, nurse?”

“Funny.” A sarcastic laugh leaves your throat. “Come take these.”

He makes no move to get up. 

You set the painkillers and the water on his bedside table, the heat pack wedged underneath your armpit. You start to reach for Joel to help him up, but he stops you. “I got it,” he grunts. You let him have this win. 

You hand him the glass of water first, then the pills. He swallows the painkillers in one big gulp, swallowing down the rest of the water in another. He eyes the heat pack in your arm. 

“Do you want-”

“Yes,” he says immediately, reaching for the soft warmth. 

“Lay down first, I’ll put it underneath you.”

Without another word, he positions himself. His body jerks when your soft hand slips underneath his back, pushing him to lift a little while you slide the heat underneath. “This okay?”

“Mhm,” he forces out, eyes clamped shut. It’s not okay, you think. 

“How would you feel on your stomach?” you suggest. 

“Dunno. Never tried.”

“Well, then.” You set the heat pack down, and it’s your turn to crawl, uninvited, into his bed. You walk on your knees towards the opposite, unoccupied side, adjusting the pillows in a way you think might be the most comfortable. This isn’t your first rodeo dealing with an old man’s back; you’ve got your dad. This is, however, your first rodeo dealing with an old man more stubborn than a screaming goat not getting his way. “Come on.”

“No.” 

“What do you mean no?” 

“That ain’t gonna be comfortable.”

“How do you know?”

“I jus’ do.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose and take a deep breath. “I swear to God. I will flip your ass over myself if I have to.”

“You’re bossy,” he spits.

“So you’ve said.” 

Not giving him a chance to prepare, you hook your one hand at his side and your other on his hip, and you pull him towards you. It doesn’t fully flip him over, but it does the trick in getting him to finish the rest of the action himself — albeit, with a very strained yelp from the back of his throat. 

He groans for a few minutes more as you adjust some flat pillows underneath his belly and then prop the lukewarm heating back right at the base of his spine. You’ll probably have to heat it up in ten minutes again, but it’ll do for now. You stay in your spot for a minute, and already his pained noises begin to subside. 

“Better?” You know it is. You just want him to admit it. 

And when a single huff with zero protests from the grumpy man reverberates around the room, you know you’ve won this round. 

“I’ll go get your coffee now,” you hum. 

A soft rasp of your name has you spinning back around as you reach the room’s threshold. 

“Hm?”

“Thanks,” he tells you. 

“It’s what I’m here for, unc.”

You put his fresh cup of coffee in a thermos this time. You can’t imagine how often he’ll get up being in this position, but at least the freshness will be there with every sip he does end up taking. 

“How’s it going?” You ask him as you set his coffee nearby. You feel the heat pack on his spine, and it’s as you called it to be by now: room temperature. “Want me to reheat it?” 

“‘M okay,” he replies, voice groggy. He must’ve fallen asleep. 

“Okay.” You stand there for a moment. You can tell the heat helped, but his body isn’t entirely relaxed. He’s still tense, as if a nerve or something is being pinched. 

You recall your memory from a while ago before you moved back with your dad. Your brother, who is a mixed martial arts athlete, had a sparring session that hurt his back, nearly in the same area as Joel. He had you running his massage gun over his muscles nearly every night for a month straight. “It needs to uncoil somehow,” he told you. An idea crosses your mind then. 

You saunter to Joel’s en suite bathroom in search of some type of lubricant. Sitting loud and proud on the center of the bathroom counter is a little bottle of Equate’s Personal Liquid Lubricant. Your brain falters for a second, the bottle of lube throwing you off your original plan. That is absolutely not the kind of lubricant you were looking for. Shaking away the image from your mind, you bend down to look in the cabinets underneath. Bingo, a bottle of Aveeno body lotion. This should do. 

You invite yourself onto his bed for the second time today. “Let me give you a massage.”

“What?” His head turns to you now, utterly confused. He definitely heard you wrong, he thinks. 

“Let me give you a massage,” you repeat. “It’ll help.”

A massage actually does sound nice right now. But you’ve been nothing but bossy this last week while Joel lays here helplessly. He’s bored. And he’s had enough. “It ain’t gonna help.”

“How do you know?”

“I jus’ do.”

Jesus. Haven’t you had this conversation before? You mentally slap your forehead. Again, leaving him no other options, you reach for his flannel atop his shoulders and begin to pull them down. 

“Hey, hey, wait, now what in the hell-” He tries to stifle back a laugh as he wriggles in your hold, trying to playfully push you off without hurting himself more in the process. 

You quickly release his clothes, hands up in surrender where he can see them. You’re just realizing now just how forward your action must’ve been. “How am I gonna massage you-” 

The embarrassment written all over your face has Joel tearing up as he tries to hold his wheezing laugh in. With his eyebrow quirked at you, he responds, “If you wanted me naked, kiddo-”

“Jesus, ew! Really?” An unbearable heat spreads across your cheeks. Your eyes are downcast, looking everywhere else but him. “It- it’ll be better if I can directly touch-”

Only then do you feel the bed shaking with his laughter. He’s fucking with you. And here you were, about to offer something that would relieve a whole lot of pain. “Oh, fuck you,” you scoff, pulling yourself up and making your way off of his bed. 

“No, okay, wait,” he laughs, trying to catch his breath. “Jus’ messin’ with you, who am I to deny a massage?” He raises his eyebrows once, twice. Still messing with you, seeing how far his taunting with you can go. 

“You’re disgusting,” you deadpan. 

“‘M not the one tryin’ t’ massage her uncle,” Joel says as he attempts to shrug his shoulders at you.

“I’m gonna leave now.” One foot makes it to the ground before Joel speaks again. 

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, ya can’t take a joke? I’m only messin’ around. Come back. Gonna leave me hangin’? In pain? C’mon, nurse.” His tone falls softer, sweeter. You can hear the shit-eating grin in his words. And, fuck, why is it making you heat even further, in places beyond your face? In places you shouldn’t be?

“Fine,” you relent. “Stop saying weird shit then.” You still can’t look at him. Not after the way your body decided to react in the shift of energy. An abrupt shift of energy, as far as you can tell. 

He’s your dad’s best friend. Your uncle, for crying out loud. Not by blood, but still. There’s never been a feeling beyond that. Sure, you’ve had your silly little school girl crush on him during your young teenage years, but that was your hormones being your hormones. You grew out of them. Even your own father can’t deny the conventional attractiveness of his best friend. 

Plus, suggestive commentary is bound to make anyone feel hot. It’s basic biology. Your response is nothing. It doesn’t mean anything. At least, that’s what you convince yourself of when you climb back into your uncle’s— no, into Joel’s bed, trying to ignore the way your panties stick dutifully against your throbbing core.

Joel leans onto his side as you get yourself situated, unbuttoning the bottom half of his flannel, so you can flip up the bottom to reach his lower back. After the bottom half of the buttons are undone, he lays back on his front. “Here,” he calls your name. “Jus’ lift it up from the bottom.”

You scoot closer to him, standing on your knees, and you reach over to grab the hem of his flannel, pulling it up as gently as possible, exposing just enough to be able to reach the irritated areas. You frown at what you see. Inflamed skin, purples and yellows dancing all across his lower back, forcing him away from the very thing he lives for. He may have been a stubborn bitch this entire week, but that doesn’t stop the sympathy you feel for the man. 

You put some of the lotion in your hand, rubbing it between your two palms to warm it up a little. You place your hand on the side closest to you first, moving in circular motions and adjusting your pressure ever so often. “Let me know when the pressure is good.”

So far he hasn’t said much, a slight groan here, an exhale there. You feel a knot as you move lower, so you increase your pressure. You’re met with a literal moan, and you swear you have to bite back your own vocal response. “Fuck,” he sucks in a sharp breath. “Yeah, jus’ like that, ‘s perfect, darlin’.” 

“Okay,” you squeak, your thighs clenching together to attempt any kind of relief to the heat between your legs. 

After a few more passes over the area — and a few more indulgent, harder presses of your palm to pull more angelic sounds from him — you switch to the other side. Except, at this angle, you don’t really have as good an angle as you did before. Your leg swings over his ass, bracketing him in between your thighs, before you can even register the move your body just made. A soft gasp falls from your lips as you feel the new angle you’ve just given yourself. 

“Joel?” You call sweetly. Innocently.”I- I’m not hurting you or anything, am I?”

Hurting? No. Putting him through Hell? Close enough. 

Joel has done many questionable things in his lifetime. Getting involved with taken (married or otherwise) women, couples who wanted a third… Joel has lived through it all. Mainly in his younger years, but nevertheless. He has done and seen many things. But none of these things have ever included getting a fucking hard on for a girl — a woman? — he practically had a hand in raising. You call him uncle, for crying out loud. 

His physical response means nothing. It’s basic biology. The tender yet skilled touch of your warm hands directly against his even hotter skin, lighting every single nerve ending on fire, forcing the blood to course through his veins, to make its way down south— 

“Christ-” he snarls as you practically sit on him. His mouth shuts instantly as his eyes shoot open. He didn’t mean for that to come out. “Y-yeah,” he corrects. “‘M alright.” 

“Just- just let me know,” you tell him. He can hear the shake in your voice. He can tell biology is doing a number on you, too, based on your tone alone, if the heat engulfing his rear as you try your best not to make contact with it isn’t enough to go by. 

He focuses on his breathing as best he can as your hands push slightly past his jeans, getting underneath the seam of his boxers, and then immediately softening your touch as you run your fingers up his spine, awaking a chill he never knew was possible until now. You rub beyond the exposed area of his lower back, reaching his shoulder blades and entirely up to his shoulders, forcing the flannel to rise with your hands. He’s so broad and warm, and you would absolutely be drooling all over him by now if you weren’t so shocked at how tight his muscles really feel. How has this man not gotten any injuries sooner? How was he still doing all this heavy lifting? You dig the pads of your finger tips further into the thousands of tiny knots you feel, and his body jerks in actual pain this time. 

“God damn, girl,” he snaps. “What are you doin’?” 

“How the fuck do you even function?” You sound genuinely horrified. 

“What-”

“Your shoulders and neck are fucking covered in knots how do you even-” you cut yourself off with a disappointed click of your tongue. “You need to flip over.” 

Fuck. 

“Why?” He asks defensively. 

“I’m gonna break these knots. I need to start from the front.” 

“Ya ain’t gettin’ anywhere near my neck, I swear to God-”

“Quit being stubborn. What did I say earlier? I’m gonna flip you myself if you don’t-”

“Alright, fine, gimme a sec,” he bites. Joel takes a deep breath, at war with himself for how he’s going to handle his next course of action. 

Whatever happens next, there is no avoiding the fact that you will be made aware of the bulging erection between his legs. You can know about it, that’s fine, but the second you make contact, he doesn’t know if he’ll have the strength to control himself. Which is why he rips off the band aid quick. Flipping himself over with you still hovering over him, he tries his best not to touch you. Though, the second he’s comfortable, his focus is on your waist, grabbing you immediately and missing the way your eyes widen at the tenting fabric of his jeans. He pulls you higher up to sit on his lower tummy. 

You squeak out a little gasp as he adjusts you, and fuck it makes the pulsing between his legs even worse. He releases you, bringing his hands back to his sides. 

“Comfortable?” you whisper. You try so hard not to use your voice, worried that it’ll reveal just how turned on you are by this situation you’ve put yourself in. He gives you a single nod, and with that, you lean to grab more lotion. 

The angle you are at forces you to lean the front of your body onto Joel to be able to reach his shoulders. You can feel his body tense underneath you; you can hear his labored breathing as your hands further push away his flannel, working away at each knot. 

You lean forward further, giving yourself the ability to reach just below Joel’s neck. With this action, your hips shift, pressing down against Joel’s belly in a way that sends a sudden jolt of butterflies through your core. Your hands freeze in their movement, breath and fingertips stuttering as your entire face and neck heat up. You sneak a quick glance to Joel, and his eyes are still relaxed. He didn’t notice. 

It takes you a moment to start your movements back up again, but when you do, you can’t help the way you repeat exactly what you did before — allowing yourself another experimental roll of your hips against his soft abdomen. Only this time, you’re way less sly, for the whimper of pleasure you thought you could hide slips right out, right for his sharp ears to take note of. Shit. 

“Y’ alright there?” His eyes are trained on you now; he knows what you just did. Joel sports a quirked eyebrow as he waits for your response. 

“Mhm,” you rush out, ignoring his piercing gaze. 

It takes every ounce of willpower for you to run over the knots in his shoulder again without driving your hips into him, but even the push and pull of your arms is a full body movement, and you feel it. You feel the growing wetness in your core, the growing heartbeat that his bare tummy no doubt can feel now. 

Your body is splayed across him, the warmth of you leaking through your bottoms and onto his hot skin as you pathetically try to play off the fact that you aren’t grinding your wet cunt across him right now. With a rasp of your name, he takes a sharp breath in. “What are ya doin’?” He grunts, pained. Conflicted. 

This is so wrong. But it feels so good. Your arousal — how utterly desperate you are for the older man underneath you — is shone all over your face, brighter than any other feeling of disgust or wrongness you’re trying to convince yourself of. But the internal battle is still there, though, and it forces your hips to come to a full stop. It forces cries of apologies from your lips. It forces regret. 

“I- I’m sorry,” you choke back a sob. “Please, I- this is so wrong, I’m so stupid, uncle, I-” 

God damn it. Joel is too damn hard to deal with this shit now. “Oh, Jesus Christ, will you cut the fuckin’ uncle bullshit?” He finally snaps. His hands spring to life, finding their way up your thighs, tightening once they reach your hips. He forces you to move again. “Ya think I wanna hear that fuckin’ word while you fuckin’ soak me? Huh? While ya rub on me like a fuckin’ bitch in heat?”

“Shit,” you moan, the strength of his hand making the assault against your mound all the more intense. “Joel, please,” you cry, your fingers shaking as you hold onto his chest. 

Your thighs begin to tremble as he maintains a rough pace to your movements, his bed creaking with every shove of your hips against him. His grip on you is one of steel, the pads of his fingers digging into your flesh, no doubt leaving tiny bruises as a reminder of today’s actions. 

He is fucking covered in you — the slick of your desire pooling through your bottoms and into his skin, making each grind smoother. He licks his lips at this, his eyes dark as he drinks you in from above; your own eyes glossy and a sheen of sweat along your skin. “Look at ya, darlin’,” he murmurs, voice low enough to send a fresh wave of arousal pouring from your hole. “Fuckin’ soakin’ me, baby. Needed me that bad, did ya? Was tryin’ t’ tell ya earlier,” he grunts, “Y’know ya just had to ask.” A lazy smirk pulls across his lip. 

You let out a whimper at his words, your hips finally rolling alongside his own guidance, instinctively searching for more friction. “Atta girl,” he groans, “That’s it, fuck- makin’ a fuckin’ mess a’ me, darlin’.” 

You’re panting now, the rhythm and pressure mixed with the filth of his Southern drawl ignites every single nerve ending throughout your body. He watches you with a dark intensity, the brown of his eyes replaced with pure black lust, his eyes unable to stray away from the pleasurable desperation filling your features. 

“Gonna come like this, sweetheart?” He taunts, driving you into him even harder. 

“Mmm- my God, yeah- yes,” you cry out, eyes rolling back as the coil in your belly finally tightens, your breathing ragged as needy moans escape your lips. 

With a final roll of your hips and the utterance of a that’s my girl, the coil finally snaps, pleasure crashing over you, coursing through your veins as you come all over him, your slick unable to stay within the limits of your clothes, leaking and dripping down the sides of him and onto the mattress below. Your thighs convulse around his waist, his hold on you continuing your thrusts, dragging out your orgasm until your own hands find his and rip him away from you.

“Ya ain’t done yet, sugar,” Joel gruffs, grabbing the globes of your ass cheeks and dragging you down, letting you feel his ignored and now raging erection. 

“Never said I was,” you purr, a soft moan blessing his ears at the feel of his bulge against your ass. He can feel your smirk against his chest. 

Body still trembling, Joel lifts your ass in the air, sliding your bottoms down over the curve of your body. The stickiness of your panties pulls off with a wet squelch, the cool air of the room mingling with the wet warmth of your bare pussy, the stark contrast forcing chills to run through your veins. 

“God,” he murmurs as you give a little wiggle of your ass in the air. “Pretty as a peach, huh, darlin’?” He guides you lower, pushing you down onto his bulge. The hardness of him beneath you immediately sends a fiery need to your core. Your hands move on their own as you pull your body up, reaching for the buttons and zipper of his jeans, undoing them with ease despite the eager shake of your hand. You pull the jeans down just enough to let his cock spring free, thick and angry and leaking. 

“Oh, fuck,” you swallow your gasp. “God, I need you so bad,” you whine, already lifting up to line the tip of him to your swollen cunt. 

You sink down with a breathless moan, your head flying back as your hands grip onto his tummy to keep you from buckling. 

Joel’s breathing stutters, his moans filling the air as you practically choke his cock. “Shit- so fuckin- fuckin’ tight.” His hands find their home on the meat of your ass, holding you tight, grounding himself from coming like a damn teenager.

You move slowly at first, savoring the way he feels inside of you, how big he is. God, you don’t think you’ve ever taken anything quite as long and as thick as him. Your heart skips a beat at that, knowing that he’s ruined you for anyone else. 

It isn’t long before the raw need takes over, and you move faster, hips rolling back and forth as you ride him, the wet sound of skin against skin as you alternate to a bounce ever so often. 

Despite the risk of hurting his back even more, he can’t stop himself from gripping you tighter, his nails digging into your flesh as his hips buck up into you, starting their own rhythm, meeting every one of your thrusts. The sensation is overwhelming with the size of him; it’s a perfect mix of pleasure and pain, mixing sweet whines of ecstasy with whines of overstimulation, and it’s the best music to have ever graced his ears. 

“Look at ya,” he grunts. “Fuckin’ made for this, weren’t ya? Fuckin’ made for takin’ this cock, huh, sweetheart?” 

You nod weakly at his words. They send a flutter down your belly to your pussy, and his mouth is all it takes to send you to your second brink of collapse — your heart beating rapidly in your chest as you move, as he drives himself into you without abandon. 

Every thrust pushes you further to the edge, the sting of the stretch, the sensation of being so full — it’s almost too much to bear. He can hear it in the way your cries change. It’s becoming too much. 

“Y’ can take it, sweetheart, almost there,” he grunts. His hands take over in guiding your movements, urging you faster, harder, bringing you both to the cliff’s edge. 

“C’mon, baby, can feel her squeezin’ me, know she wanna come, baby. Breathe, doll, jus’ let go,” he rasps, his words coming in staggered.

The wet tightness of your walls, both the feel and the sound, causes Joel to fall first — a low, guttural groan filling the room as he fills you with his hot, thick spend.

The sensation of him pulsing inside you, unloading everything he’s worth, sends you over your edge, your pussy clenching around his cock as you come, the sensation rippling through you, shredding your vocal cords as you scream out in pleasure. 

Everything goes dark for you, nothing but the fuzzy sound of Joel’s sweet praises at the top of your head as he guides you through your come down. 

“Did so fuckin’ good f’ me, darlin’,” he murmurs. “Sweet girl.”

For an asshole, who knew he could be so sweet? 

You roll off of Joel as soon as your heart steadies, your entire body on fire from all the exertion. You can feel Joel’s body stiffen as you use him for support. His back is killing him right now.

A few moments pass as your eyes slowly start to close, but the deep gruff of your name stops you from dozing. 

You turn your head to the man beside you. “Yes?” 

For the first time today, it’s Joel who can’t make eye contact with you. “Can you, uh… can you-” he clears his throat, trying to rid himself of his awkwardness. “Can you warm up the heat pack again?” 

Your smirk lifts your cheek before you can even try to stop it. “Come again?” 

He lets out a frustrated huff. And he can’t turn away from you. His back is killing him right now. “My back-”

“Yeah, what about your back?” 

“You fuckin’ little shit-”

You giggle as you flip onto your side, your hand holding your head up to get a better look at him. “Your back is hurting, baby? Need me to get the heat pack for you, hm?” 

He doesn’t respond. He just has the deepest, most grumpiest scowl known to man on display. 

“Oh, come on. You need my help, is that it? Need to hear you say it, unc.” You emphasize the last syllable of your sentence, a belly laugh threatening to escape you. 

Oh, two can play at that game. “Yeah, baby, I need your help. I need the help from my beautiful, beautiful niece, hm? My beautiful, needy niece whose pussy gets all soaked jus’ thinkin’ ‘bout me, huh? Gets all wet and needy thinkin’ ‘bout her uncle-”

Your resolve finally snaps, your eyes clamping shut as you cover your ears, loud la la la’s coming from your mouth as you ungraciously roll yourself off of his bed. “Enough, fine! Fine! Fuckin’ nasty,” you groan as you make your way to the kitchen. 

“‘M not the one who started it, sweetheart,” Joel says, a triumphant smile plastered across his cocky face. 

“I made you cookies by the way,” you yell after a beat. “Want one?” 

Joel’s hand reaches for his belly. He doesn’t need one, that’s for sure. “Yeah,” he responds not a second later. 

You come back to his bedroom, heat pack in one hand, no cookie in the other. You hand him the heat pack. You make him adjust it himself. 

“Where’s the cookie?” He asks, a tinge of impatience on his tongue. 

“Oh, I thought you were gonna come down and get it.” 

He looks at you incredulously. 

“I just figured you wanted to start being more independent and all. Given how strenuous you were being a few moments ago,” you offer with a faux innocence.  

“I swear to fuckin’ God, when I get my hands on you-”

“Your hands on me? Yeah? When?” You start making your way out of his bedroom. “Come get me if you wanna show me a lesson. Know you been dying to all week.” 

If he can fuck you the way he did, maybe full-time bed rest isn’t what Joel needs. He needs to stretch and move around; he needs to activate his muscles, especially being on the older side. It really is basic biology.

I would absolutely love to hear what you guys thought of this! Any and all your love and commentary truly keeps me going and motivated even when the writer’s block is at its strongest. Wouldn’t be here without you all. I have so much love in my heart for you! Talk to y’all soon🩶

I cannot get myself to write for Joel or for TLOU without mentioning the horrors occurring in Palestine. Please check out the links in my navigation + bio to learn about the situation in Palestine and also learn about some ways in which you can help🇵🇸. Reading and interacting with those links takes 5 minutes of your time at the bare minimum.

Leaf divider by @saradika-graphics

[pipsyy]

caught...

sub!hamzah x f!reader smut (lowkey perv!hamzah if you squint)

hi everyone! i thought of this idea at like 3am a couple nights ago and it has been plaguing my mind ever since. please enjoy! message me requests please! i am desperate for prompts.

summary: after losing a few of your panties, you begin to suspect your shy roommate Hamzah. but, coming home early one night, you are met with a sight that would change things for good.

warnings: smut under cut! DON'T read if you are under the age of 18.

word count: 2575

For weeks, you had been losing your underwear. You would put your clothes in the washer, then the dryer, but by the time you got back to your room and folded your clothes, one, or sometimes two, pairs of your panties were missing. It was concerning, to say the least. However, when you lost your favorite pair (pink cotton with white lace and bows), you began to get frustrated.

“Hamzah?” you ask your roommate while he’s in the kitchen getting snacks.

“Mmh?” he responds, mouth full with doritos.

“Kind of a weird question—I mean, you probably have no fucking clue—but have you seen my panties anywhere? I can’t find them.”

At the mention of panties, Hamzah’s cheeks flush a light shade of pink. “Panties?!” he asks, mouth still full. He swallows thickly. “No, I mean, I don’t think so. What do they look like?”

“Um-” you felt yourself blush a light shade of pink, thinking about how embarrassing it was talking about your panties with your hella attractive roommate. “They’re pink and white—bows too.”

If possible, Hamzah flushed an even deeper shade of red. “O-oh, no. No. I haven’t seen them anywhere,” he huffed out an awkward laugh, looking anywhere else in the room but your eyes.

“That’s okay,” you say, giggling awkwardly. The tension palpable in the room. “Just…you know, if you do see them, let me know.”

—

Later that week, after getting home early from a party, you were met with the most surprising of circumstances. You entered your apartment and kicked off your shoes; the 4-inch heels had killed your feet. Every light in the apartment was off—save for the small light emanating from the clocks on the oven and microwave—and it was dead silent. Eerily silent. You knew that Hamzah was home, I mean, he never left. But it was only 11pm, which was way too early for him to go to bed. You at least expected to hear him typing on his computer, or hear the faint sound of his laptop playing a show, or hear him yelling at whatever stupid game he was playing with Martin. But no. Absolutely nothing.

Just then you heard it. Although you weren’t exactly sure what “it” was. A faint, but deep, groan, as if someone was crying out in pain. You strained your ears, listening for that noise again. There! There it was again, the exact same noise, although this time you could hear a faint squeaking following the groan.

“Hamzah,” you hesitantly call out. You creeped forwards in the direction of his bedroom. The deep sounds followed by squeaking got louder as you neared his room. The door was ajar and you peeked through the crack. You almost let out a loud gasp at the sight before you, clapping your hands over your mouth to prevent any noise from escaping your lips. Hamzah was stretched out on his bed, head tilted back as he thrust his cock into his hand. You shot back from the door, face reddening. You felt embarrassed for staring so unabashedly at the dark-haired man in such an intimate situation. Even so, you felt a throbbing deep in your core and you knew that if you reached down to touch your panties beneath your dress, you would be soaking wet. Slowly, mentally slapping yourself, you peered through the crack in the door again. Hamzah’s head was tilted back in pure ecstasy, pretty lips spilling whines and groans as the bed squeaked with every thrust into his hand. You watched, panties growing wetter by the second, as he reached next to him and brought a piece of fabric up to his nose, inhaling deeply and letting out a heady whine. Your eyes widened as you recognized the slip of fabric as your favorite pair of panties. The pink ones with the white lace. 

Your name spills from his lips, eyes rolling back into his head. Holy fuck. You sat on your knees, rolling your wet folds against the palm of your hand. You couldn’t believe the sight before your eyes. Your roommate—who you’ve had a crush on since moving in with him—was jerking off to you, your underwear pressed deeply into his nose. Hamzah’s hips stuttered, edging dangerously close to release.

“F-fuck, y/n,” he whimpered. “S-so good. So fucking pretty. G-gonna, gonna cum, shit.” At this desperate confession, a high-pitched whine escaped your parted lips and your eyes widened, clapping your hands over your mouth. Hamzah abruptly stopped his motions, whipping his head in the direction of the unprecedented sound. His glossy eyes met yours, fucked-out expression directly mirroring your own.

“S-shit,” he said breathlessly, stumbling out of bed and covering his erection with the sheets around his legs. You shot backwards from the door, tumbling directly into the wall. Hamzah fumbled to get pants on, and ran towards you, a pleading look in his eyes.

“Holy shit, y/n. I-I, um, I had no idea that you were home. I wouldn’t…I wouldn’t do that. Not if I knew that you were here.”

You were still sat on the floor, pink blush fast-spreading across your cheeks. You felt a coy smile tickling your lips. “Were you—” you looked up at Hamzah, feeling a dangerous rush of confidence flood your mind, “Were you jerking off to me?”

Hamzah’s eyes widened impossibly large. “I–no. I mean…no,” he said. “Definitely not.”

“Really,” you said seductively, rising up from your position and stepping closer to the trembling man. “Because…” you leaned in to whisper in his ear. “I swear I heard you say my name.” A deep red blush spread across Hamzah’s cheekbones and he swallowed audibly.

His voice lowered a decibel. “No,” he whispered. “No, I wasn’t.”

You smirked at how flustered you made him. “I didn’t take you for a liar, you know.” You pushed past the taller man into his room. The moment you enter, you felt your core throb, the smell of sweat and sex and and something purely Hamzah penetrating your nostrils. You made your way to his bed, sheets strewn carelessly, and picked up the pink underwear that had fallen to the floor in Hamzah’s rushed attempt at maintaining his dignity. You dangled the fabric from your extended pointer finger.

“So what are these then?” The panties sway from your finger, and Hamzah’s puppy-like eyes follow the cloth to and fro like a tennis match. 

“I–,” he gulped. “I don’t know how those got there.”

You stepped toward him. “So you’re really just gonna play dumb with me then, huh?” You took careful step after careful step until you were inches away from the timid, trembling man. “You’re not dumb, Hamzah.” You reached up until his glossy eyes came face-to-face with your panties. “Take them.”

Hamzah’s dumbfounded expression stared back at your own. You shifted the fabric forward, directly into his big nose, and he shakily inhaled, eyes almost rolling back into his own head. “F-fuck,” he whimpered out. Swiftly, as if they were never there in the first place, you removed the outstretched panties from his prying nostrils. The look he gave you, as his eyes slowly opened, made your legs weak and your core throb. He looked as though he would give you the world, or anything you asked, as long as he could be face-to-face with that stupid piece of cloth again.

“Tell me what you want,” you asked, voice low and seductive.

“You,” he whispered, eyes darting from your own, to the wall, to the panties still clutched in your hand, and back to your own.

You smile at his bashfulness. “A little louder,” you said, feeling cocky. You reach up to push back his dark, messy curls from his sweaty forehead.

Hamzah’s dark eyes met your own and you melted. “You…I want you. I want you so fucking bad it hurts.” You felt your core tighten. Hamzah looked at you with glossy, pleading eyes. You looked down and noticed the erection still straining in his pants. You turn around and walk to his bed, sitting on the edge. You pat the soft bedding next to you.

“Come here.” Hamzah moved at the speed of light, by the time you blinked he was sitting down next to you, hands politely together in his lap. You lean over to straddle Hamzah’s thick thighs, dress riding up, the thin cloth of your panties doing nothing to stop you from feeling his erection pressing against your wet folds. You intertwine your hands behind his neck while he looks up at you with intense adoration and devotion. Your hands cup his cheeks.

“What do you want, baby?” you ask. You reach down, beneath the waistband of his gym shorts, and grasp his hard length. Hamzah’s parted red lips elicit a whiny gasp as his large hands firmly grasp your waist. 

“I want–” he starts, barely able to string a sentence together as you begin to move your hand up and down his length. “I want to be inside you.” 

You chuckled coyly, moving your hand faster. “And what makes you think you have the right to be inside me.” Groans and gasps tumbled from Hamzah’s wet lips. His head was tilted back, a purely fucked-out expression bedazzling his beautiful face. 

“I just—,” he blissfully moaned out. “I just want to feel you.” His hands snaked up your dress, reaching up to grasp at your covered tits. His big hands connected with your sensitive nipples that were poking out through the fabric. A dirty, stupid idea shot into your head. You pull away from Hamzah, untangling yourself from his roaming hands. “W-what?” he said, confusion written all over his pretty face. 

“I don’t know,” you respond. “I’m kinda pissed at you right now. Do you know how fucking gross it is to come home to your roommate touching himself to you? Desperately jerking off, my favorite fucking pair of panties in your grimy hands. You’re a disgusting little slut, aren’t you?” Hamzah’s covered cock visibly twitched in his gym shorts. He let out a heady whimper at your vile tone and words. “Oh…” you said, a dark and naughty gleam twinkling in your eyes. “Do you like that shit? Do you like it when I call you a stupid fucking whore?” Hamzah’s hips grinded against the air, desperate for any sort of friction against his aching cock.

“I think,” you say, reaching down to pick up the pink panties you had discarded to the side, “That I don’t want a disgusting slut like you to touch me, not with those filthy fucking hands of yours.” Using the elastic of your lacy panties, you tie Hamzah’s hands together behind his back. He whimpered at your touch, the light graze of your fingers shooting electricity down his spine and into his desperate member. Once Hamzah was fully tied up, unable to move his hands to touch your body, you flung your current pair of panties off and sat back on his lap again. You reached into his pants once more, pulling his weeping cock from within his shorts. You rubbed his erection up and down your wet folds, looking down to see the soaking, wet mess you were making of his cock. You line his tip up with your hole, sliding him into your wet cunt. The stretch was unbearably pleasurable and Hamzah let out an unfiltered groan.

“Shut up,” you told him, placing your hand over his mouth. “I don’t want to hear a fucking word from you.” You began bouncing up and down on his cock, whines and moans escaping your parted lips at the fulfilling sensation deep within your cunt. Hamzah looked completely pathetic beneath you, eyes filled with desperation as he clumsily attempted to thrust up into you. You grab onto his curls, yanking as his cock hits a particularly sensitive spot deep within your cunt. Hamzah lets out another whine at the tugging sensation. Immediately, you stop your motions and slap him across the face.

“I told you to shut up,” you said roughly, voice rattling with an emotion you had never thought could possess you: dominance. And you were enjoying it. You enjoyed seeing this tall, muscular man writhe beneath your smaller body, pathetically attempting to engage and make you feel good. An idea flitted through your head. You reached down to the floor and grabbed your discarded panties. Squeezing his cheeks together in your hands, you opened up his mouth and shoved your panties in, effectively gagging him. Hamzah let out a muffled groan at the feeling of the used cloth being shoved between his lips. Hips jerking into you now at a frenzied pace. The increased speed of his cock inside you felt like heaven, and you let out a high-pitched moan, collapsing into his shoulders. You rode his cock violently, Hamzah’s pathetic face reflecting your own shining pleasure. Hamzah’s hips began to stutter, his gagged moans becoming increasingly frequent as his eyes fluttered closed, and you knew he was close. You reached down to touch your clit, hoping to reach your climax at the same time. The combined pleasure of touching your clit and the sweet stretch of Hamzah’s cock hitting that delicious spot deep inside you made your head tip back in ecstasy. Hamzah’s eyes widened and you felt his cock twitch inside of you.

“Do you want to cum, baby?” you asked sweetly, rocking your hips softly against his. He nodded his head aggressively. Your walls fluttered around his cock, and Hamzah looked in pain, nose scrunched and eyes squeezed shut. You realized, as you continued to rock your hips, that he was waiting for your permission to cum.

“Oh,” you say sweetly. “You want my permission, hmm?” You giggle softly as Hamzah tries to talk, the soft fabric in his mouth preventing him from doing so. “You can cum, baby, I want you to.” At this admission, Hamzah’s face tightens and his hips stutter and begin to shake. The feeling of his cock twitching inside you, spurting cum against your tight walls, sent you over the edge. Hamzah’s chest was heaving as he watched you writhe on top of him, your pleasure furthering his own. You let out a high-pitched whine as you come down from your high. Hamzah’s eyes were wide, glossy, and pathetic as they met your own. You pulled the pair of panties out of his mouth and he sucked in a deep breath. You slid off his length and reached behind him, untying your panties from around his wrists. He let out a sigh as his hands became free, rubbing them together to recirculate the blood flow.

“Are you okay?” you ask him, suddenly feeling a deep sense of embarrassment. “I’m sorry! That was fucking crazy! I didn’t at all mean to take it that far.”

Hamzah looked up at you, a playful smile spreading across his face. “Are you kidding me? You have no idea how bad I’ve wanted to do that with you.”

“Yeah! But��like that?” you respond. “I-I mean…I slapped you. I feel like I took it too far.” You move to leave the room, embarrassment bleeding all over your face in a deep red color. Hamzah reached you in an instant, arms wrapping around your waist from behind, head resting on your shoulder. He placed a sweet kiss on your neck.

“Trust me,” he said. “That was exactly what I wanted.”

[polarisbibliotheque]

Vergil and his s/o training together

Or Vergil and his s/o spar for foreplay fun!

Pairing: Vergil x Reader

Summary: With your sword recently broken, Vergil gave you a new devil arm to get used to. He is also your mentor when it comes to fighting - but being his lover doesn't mean he's going to go easy on you. Quite the contrary.

Restrictions: None, BUT I should tell you: lots of sexual tension in this one. What can I say, Vergil is a weird guy, sparring with his lover does things to him. Nothing explicit though, you know how I roll. Also, reader gets bruises from training/sparring. He's rough and doesn't hold back, I mentioned it before I think Vergil has this "only the strong survive" mentality, and I do think he gets ruthless as a sign of respect for his lover's abilities rather than anything else.

Author's Notes: I blame @yanderebishforlevi for this one after they dropped an ask I just answered :) I'm focusing on the Halloween specials, but that made me go through my unfinished, discarded, short stuff on limbo and rehash/put it together to post something new here.

Simple stuff, not really much of a story, just some training with sexy, bared arms, ruthless, emotionally constipated man. That's why I never thought about posting, it felt like it was missing something a plot so I was going to put it in Nemesis but, oh well. Hope you guys like it xD

“We’re done for today.”

Vergil’s words sounded final, as he lowered the Yamato after a devastating blow that had you tumbling back and struggling to fall on your knees – scraping them in a way you would have some bruises to display for a couple of days at least.

“Given it’s my training session, love…” You growled while pulling yourself back on your feet, using your sword as a crutch for help. Vergil observed you with those cutting silvery eyes, almost as if questioning your resolve to pull yourself up. Again. “I say when we are done. And I am not done.”

“You are being terribly stubborn, that is.” Vergil had Yamato back in its sheath, arms crossed while curiously watching you take your coat off, having only your training clothes underneath.

“Well, at least we got that in common, Dark Slayer.” You carefully watched as Vergil mirrored you and took off his own long coat, leaving his arms bare for the first time that night. He only did that when he was about to get rough during training – and you had to huff a laugh. “I’m only standing down when I master this damned sword, and apparently I’m not even close to that.”

“You are closer than you were when we started.” He took a deep breath, already choosing a fighting stance since you were doing the same – walking slowly in a circle, observing him with a pair of predatorial eyes. Vergil was used to be under that scrutiny around demons, but when it came to your eyes, they were threatening… And bewitching.

“And I would be even closer, if you hadn’t been cheating this whole time.” You narrowed your eyes, allowing a smirk color the corner of your lips as Vergil froze in place – you could even bet he stopped breathing for a fraction of a second.

“Cheating…?” His voice was dangerously low, words alarmingly taking their time, savoring every syllable of that little word. You knew you had struck a nerve – but, in your defense, Vergil had been striking your nerves ever since you started training a few hours prior.

It had been a couple of weeks you had a new sword in your inventory: big, heavy, resembling a claymore. Dante and Vergil had killed one particularly powerful demon that ended up becoming the sword now in your hands: brimming with demonic power, ready to be wielded to bring doom to its enemies. You had your previous sword broken into shards while protecting Nero during one of your jobs – a story for another time – and Vergil thought the claymore of sorts would be a nice replacement.

A new weapon, though, meant a lot of new things: new grip, new balance, new weight, new powers… So much to master, but you had to learn soon in order to keep up with your devil hunter job. Halloween was approaching and, given how chaotic the last few years were, you had to at least master the basics soon enough.

Vergil, being the thoughtful partner and lover of knowledge that he was, offered to help you train and master your new sword – all his arcane teachings would surely come in handy when dealing with a devil arm.

You had a problem, though. Learning and mastering things on your own was almost a given, and you always expected to do it at your pace – meaning, you didn’t have much patience to not be at least good and easily fighting after a few hours of practice. With a mentor like Vergil, though, that process was taking double the time.

He was relentless. You being his lover just meant he would go twice as hard on you – in his dictionary, it probably meant how much he adored you; but in your dictionary, you were absolutely and infinitely vexed that, by now, you hadn’t been able to at least get to a tie with him.

And that was something you always proudly said you could do.

“Yes. Cheating.” You held your sword with only one hand, throwing it behind your body and having your eyes fixed on your lover. That way, when you or him decided to attack, you could use all your strength to lunge forward. “You got exponentially worse every time I lost and got back on my feet again; you haven’t made it easier nor remained with the same level of fighting from the beginning. You are making it more difficult for me. If you hadn’t, I would’ve already had my sword on your throat by now.”

“Tsk.” You smiled as Vergil finally had that nonchalant attitude, but his eyes burned like the coldest circles of Hell. With a swift move, he unsheathed the Yamato and attacked you – as you had already prepared before, you threw your sword forward, immediately able to parry. He quickly tried another attack, but you managed to grip your sword with both of your hands and hold him back. You found Vergil’s silvery eyes staring at you sharply between the blades of your swords. “Don’t expect demons to have mercy just because the sight of you eclipses even the moon herself.”

“If we weren’t sparring, I’d take that as a compliment.” You had a small laugh hidden amidst your words, clearly seeing the shadow of a smile Vergil tried to conceal before he pushed you back with only half of his might – still having you stumble back and use whatever energy you had left to keep your body balanced.

“Your human body won’t be able to take it for too long.” And even if Vergil was trying to convince you to stand down, he still circled you, keeping his own predatorial gaze on your form and tense shoulders to quickly get into a fighting stance. You weren’t one easy to convince when you had your mind set on something, that he had to admit. “We should call it a day and tend your wounds. Your body doesn’t have the same resilience a devil’s body has.”

“I would have a lot more if you hadn’t been ruthless with me, love.” You pointed at some slight marks on your body – nothing too jarring, but still making an appearance here and there. “These bruises are on you.”

With those words, it was your turn to lunge forward and attack first. Vergil easily defended with a swift move from Yamato, trying an attack right after. You managed to defend as well, holding him still for a few seconds.

“They will make you stronger.” Were the only words he managed to answer before you attacked again. Vergil seemed to fight effortlessly, while you had to muster all your strength to wield your new sword – Vergil was right to say your body wouldn’t last for too long: you were already tired, thanks to his training, but your pride wouldn’t allow you to back down. And he knew that.

Even if Vergil worried about your stamina, he couldn’t deny how much he admired – and had a pang of pride in his own heart – every time you displayed that much willpower.

With a calculated attack to disarm you, Vergil was certain your playing would come to an end and he would have the final word on that argument – he did not expect, though, a graceful move from your side, spinning such a heavy sword in one of your hands and making it face down, coming between you and him and completely breaking his stance, foiling Vergil’s attempt to end your resolve.

You quickly threw your sword a little on the air in front of you in order to let go from the grip and hold the blade itself – strong enough to be able to wield it, but careful not to hurt yourself in the process – which gave you the perfect opportunity to spin around him and smack the hilt of your sword on his back.

Vergil slowly turned his head around, still impressed by your swift move after being so tired, only to find you with a smug smile on your lips.

“It will make you stronger.” You pointed at him with the hilt of your sword, throwing it slightly in the air again so you could grab the hilt with one hand and then another.

Vergil kept his back at you, calmly walking to the other side of the room so you could take your initial stances again – but this time you saw him shaking his head and heard a low chuckle coming from him.

Vergil was a survivor, one that lived the law of the jungle for so long that sparring and teasing his partner was one of the best ways to entertain him. To say you were both having fun was an understatement.

“Apparently, I haven’t been ruthless enough with you.” He turned around, holding Yamato’s hilt with both of his hands. You had to hold back a smile – that was one of his stances that usually meant Vergil was starting to lose his patience and considering going all out.

And that usually happened when he recognized you were starting to get the upper hand – which meant he saw your playful sword smack as a sign you were starting to get the hang of things.

After all, you only did that sort of thing with your old sword. Comparing to the way you both used to spar, he was going considerably easier on you tonight.

“Let’s remedy that.” His voice was almost a growl as his feet moved like lightning on the floor.

You had to put all your concentration in that fight – your eyes never leaving the Yamato, quickly finding the blade in the air from its shimmer and parrying with your heavy claymore. Using your weight, you pushed Vergil back – which only worked because he saw it as an opportunity to power another heavy attack to try to get you off-balance. You stumbled a little, but quickly gained your balance once more, holding back another quick attack from your lover – something quite frustrating for him, as you observed in his furrowed brows.

Even if he wasn’t going easy on you, it was the first time Vergil was tapping into some of his demonic abilities – strength, speed and power, for starters – and you took that as a compliment. If he wasn’t going to cut you some slack, he could at least fight you the same way he always did – and Vergil never really held back when fighting you.

As he said before, it would only make you stronger. And that was why you could easily fight some of the most frightening demons of Hell without even breaking a sweat.

Vergil didn’t take long to attack you again. He had that look in his eyes he only used when he was hunting, leaving no room for mercy. You held your sword in a vertical position right in front of you, having the Yamato hit the flat blade of your claymore with enough power to have you and Vergil recoil a little from the impact.

Thankfully, your sword was sturdy enough to take a powerful blow from a legendary blade and its less than formidable wielder and not shatter. That was something you would remember later, for now Vergil attacked again and you defended, holding back a series of lightning quick attacks that required all your attention, strength and speed – as well as both of your hands holding your new sword in order to be able to avoid all of the attacks.

As expected, though, you hadn’t mastered your claymore yet. Your grip faltered in one of your hands, and Vergil’s predator eyes were quick enough to notice that and see a window of opportunity. Spinning the Yamato on his hand, Vergil gripped its hilt and used the butt-end to hit your hands and make you lose your grip on your sword.

As you tried to recover without losing too much of your stance, Vergil took the chance to spin around you – as you did before with him – and use the sheath of the Yamato to smack your back. A bit lower, and he would’ve smacked your ass – at least, he allowed you to keep a little of your pride, as you allowed him when you chose not to do that as well.

You immediately leaned the tip of your sword on the floor, side-eyeing your lover – only to find him with his head held high, that convinced expression he would always wear whenever he had the upper hand, along with a ghost of a smile you knew very well.

“Shall we continue…?” His words were crowned with his usual slight tinge of arrogance, as you turned around and adjusted your grip around the hilt of your sword. “Or will you finally yield and allow me to take care of those wounds?”

“As my lover, you should know, Vergil…” You sighed and snapped your neck from side to side, getting back into position to fight. He had to raise one of his eyebrows, ever so impressed with your resilience. “I do not yield.”

His only answer was a smile before your powerful attack, holding you back with the Yamato still sheathed, using one of his feet behind his body as an anchor so he wouldn’t fall over. Even in his wildest dreams, Vergil could never had imagined he would find someone who would give such flawless answers. Yes, he wanted to care for you. But how could he deny the fire he saw in you when you said such things? It was the same fire that kept him alive for so many years; the same fire that made him get back on his feet even when defeat was certain, when all hope was lost, and only death and blood were expected. The same fire that made Vergil defy all odds and save himself, over and over again.

He didn’t know how he had found you neither how he could deserve you, but he did hope you remained for as long as he could have you.

With another attack, he took the opportunity to unsheathe his sword, using both the blade and the sheath to defend himself from a string of attacks as ruthless as those he had attacked you before. You didn’t see an opportunity, but you knew Vergil relied on a few tricks up his metaphorical sleeves, so you acted quickly to do the same he did before – and with the hilt of your claymore, you weakened his grip on the sheath, quickly spinning your sword and hitting it with all your might, making the blue sheath fly across the training ground. Vergil immediately held Yamato’s grip with both of his hands, trying not to let his surprise show on his face.

You could see it in his silvery eyes, though. You already knew how to expertly access them, to find Vergil’s emotions underneath the icy façade he used to wear. You had an advantage that made your heart swell and bolstered your resolve – and that Vergil was also able to read in your eyes. He fought back, putting a little more of his strength and power into a few riposte attacks, stopping your advances and making you fall a few steps back.

It wouldn’t be fair if he started using his demonic might when your body was almost giving out – but Vergil had to recognize you were lasting a lot longer than he expected. He thought, by now, your physical body wouldn’t be able to keep going, completely unrelated to your willpower. But there you were, proving him wrong – and making him fall even more in love with you, if that was even possible.

Your hands trembled a bit, though. You kept your eyes locked in his, reading his every move, his every emotion – and Vergil did the same, as if your fight didn’t rely on your swords anymore. As he got ready for another devastating attack, your sword found his in the air and, spinning your blades together, you brought them down with a flick of your wrist, having them rest together a few inches inside the ground.

You turned your back for a few seconds to catch your breath, pain starting to ebb through your arms. Vergil took some steps back in amazement, since that move was a first: you had never taken a break from a fight by disarming him as well as yourself, even if for a few seconds; you only asked with words and it usually took a few minutes. He observed you carefully – part of him reading if your body was going to give out and part of him reading if you would jump on him unexpectedly. Vergil didn’t know what to expect, but he could feel his blood tingling at his fingertips, ready to take action with whatever it is that you had for him.

After a few seconds, you immediately turned around, locking your hands around the grip of your sword once more and lifting it from the ground. Vergil couldn’t believe you still wanted to fight – and even win – but mirrored your speed and had Yamato back in his grip once more.

A few more attacks. He could see your hands trembling. A few more steps. He could hear your shaking breaths. A few more swift moves. He could see the relentless fire inside your eyes.

Vergil didn’t make it easier because of your crumbling endurance – if you broke, it would serve as a lesson on assessing your own energy and how far you could go. As you knew right from the start, Vergil wasn’t a forgiving mentor and would push you to your limit – he didn’t exactly expect you would do the same thing with yourself as he did to himself in order to improve his fighting to perfection.

A flick of his wrist. A powerful move from your hands. You found yourselves drenched in sweat, in the middle of your training space, the Yamato touching your neck, and your claymore touching the skin on Vergil’s throat.

You had your eyes locked into his silvery gaze, the gleaming blades of your swords ignored as the only thing that dictated that fight was your willpower – yours and Vergil’s. As you looked into each other’s reflections, you stated something you didn’t have to say out loud to be understood: neither of you would ever yield.

As that knowing reached Vergil’s heart, that was only one thing he could really do – something his logical mind and demonic pride could never fathom as the proper response to that situation, but his human heart burned to have him do it. His free hand cupped your face, pulling you into an immediate kiss.

When your lips found his, you used your free hand to anchor yourself in place by holding the back of his neck, pulling Vergil towards you. It was a kiss that burned with the very same fire he saw in your eyes, the one he mirrored in his soul and rarely let out as something other than willpower to keep on surviving. That fire was a will to live, a will to keep going, a will for life… A lust to experience, to burn bright and intensely, to take everything existence had to offer. A lust you could only safely explore with each other, not having to channel that only into surviving, but also into living life as it should be lived.

One of the things Vergil would always tell you, was to never let your guard down. You could be calm and collected, apparently unprepared, but always aware of your surroundings – and ready to kill at every waking moment.

Anything could be a distraction, anything could be a weakness. Being that close to you, in the middle of a fight, with that whirlwind of emotions stirring like a lightning storm that had to have its energy released somehow… Even if you had your sword still in one of your hands as he had Yamato in his, your blades were lowered - you had your grip almost letting go, ready to forget it on the floor.

You had your guard down.

“A demon would have killed you by now.” Vergil’s voice was but a rough whisper as he broke the kiss, his lips barely away from yours, hot breath still ghosting on your skin.

“A demon wouldn’t have kissed me.”

Both of your swords found the floor in unison, as your hands found each other with your lips locking in another breathless kiss.

Fortunately, you were both imperfectly human.

[schleiereule-94]

A Bard and a Witcher – Part 1

Pairing: Geralt x Jaskier x aFab!Reader

Summary: You were after some fun when you made your way to the inn this evening, and boy did you find it. Both the bard and his witcher friend are more than happy to satisfy your desire.

Warning(s): SMUT MINORS DNI, porn w/o much plot, fingering, penetrative sex (lots of it), unprotected p in v, threesome, dirty talk (both degrading and some praise, cursing), rough sex, size kink, belly bulge, oral (both f and am receiving), she is not talking much but enjoys being used

Author’s Note: This is my first fic, so I hope it is up to standards... Not beta read and not an english native, so be kind if you find mistakes. I have a second part almost done (bc I am a horny mess for these two...).

You didn’t know what you were getting yourself into walking towards the inn this night. You were just looking for some distraction, some fun for a change. A good looking stranger, some beer and maybe even a dance. But now… 

You didn’t see the witcher in the corner at first. You sat at the bar listening and laughing at the bards’ songs. He was young, good looking. His name was Jaskier and he looked exactly like what you were after. You’ve thrown him some looks that made him almost stumbled over his words. 

“A short break to water my throat” he announced shortly after and he walked up to you at the bar, grinning sheepishly. “You’re funny” you complimented him. “And you look… breathtaking” he replied with a dramatic gesture, eyeing you up and down. He extended his hand to you “Jaskier is my name.” His gaze got stuck on your breasts. You smiled and leaned a bit more towards him to grant him a better look into your cleavage. “Y/n.” You moved to the side to make just enough space at the bar so he could squeeze in next to you.  “What brings you here bard?”, you asked as he took his place and grabbed a pint of beer from the barmaid. Your arm touched his lightly and you felt the warm feeling of excitation building up in you. “We’re on the way to Cintra.” “Cintra, hm. That’s a long trip. Who’s we?” you asked innocently.

He nodded over his shoulder to the darker part of the inn. Sitting there was a big, bulky figure, a grey hood over his head, long white hair spilling out from under it. You couldn’t make out the face clearly. When you squinted your eyes to see the stranger better he suddenly looked up and golden eyes stared directly into your soul. Your heart missed a beat and your breath hitched. The bard must have taken notice of your reaction as he let out a laugh. “That’s Geralt. Geralt of Rivia, I’m sure you’ve heard of him?”. Without taking your eyes off the man you nodded slightly. “Yes, yes I have heard of him.” The yellow pupils bore into you. A weird feeling bordering on fear stirred up in your chest. It made you want to run away. Your legs tensed, but you kept staring back captured by the tension in your connection. Slowly you felt how this tension sank down into your lower belly and straight between your legs. Your thighs were pressing together now to create some friction as your arousal grew quickly. You gasped and tore your head away to look at Jaskier. “You travel with Geralt of Rivia?”. You sounded more out of breath than you liked. But Jaskier didn’t seem to notice. “Yes. We share a wonderful journey and friendship” the bard stated proudly. You tilted your head and blinked, a picture being painted in your head. A filthy picture involving the bard, you and a witcher.  “Is that the only thing you two share?”, you asked quietly. The bard stared at you dumbfounded. You looked at him through your lashes. “You share a room here?”. “Yes, it’s cheaper. But why..? Oh, ah” Jaskier seemed to finally grasp what you were asking. “He would never interrupt, I’ll make sure of that.”, he said reassuringly. You caught his hand which was nervously fidgeting with a coin and used it to pull him even closer to you looking him deep in the eyes. “What if I want him to?” Jaskier stared back, swallowed dryly as he considered the idea.

It’s not like he had never thought of it. Sometimes he spied on Geralt when he was with a woman, listening to her moans, his ear pressed to the door of the room. Or trying to peak through the keyhole. He knew the effect Geralt had on women and was jealous of how easily they fell apart for him. Maybe having him there would make for a good learning experience. And if it was what he had to do to touch this beauty here… Slowly he leaned back on his chair, then cleared his throat. “Ehm, I ehm have not done.. I’ve never…” his look went to Geralt who’s eyes were fixed on you. “Your his friend, right? Surely you can convince him” You started drawing slow circles on his hand with your finger. You heard Jaskier breath in and out and felt how he shimmied in his seat, you weren’t sure if it was his nerves or signs of arousal. A look up at his face gave you an answer. His eyes sparkled with lust now. “So you are that kind of girl, hm? One man is not enough?” His voice had acquired a slight rasp and his gaze was now shamelessly fixed on your breasts. You grinned and shrugged “I just like to have fun. And you..” you grabbed his shirt to pull him close, pressed your lips on his surprised face and slightly bit at his lower lip before releasing him again “…look like you’d love some fun” you grinned. Jaskier’s face was flushed red and he looked breathless. Just how you liked your men, you thought with a wide smile. He stood up from his chair and leaned against you. You could feel his hard bulge through his pants pressing into your thigh. “Give me a moment”. You watched while the bard made his way to his witcher companion. He started whispering into his ear and Gerald’s gaze wandered back to you. His face did not show any indication of emotions, neither interest, nor lust nor rejection. You felt your cheeks redden under the scrutiny of the yellow eyes as your heart started to pump your blood faster. Geralt turned his head to Jaskier but you couldn’t see what kind of response he was giving his friend. You felt high or tipsy, even though you had barely drunk half a glass of beer.

Jaskier made his way through the crowd back to you. “Come with me, now” He took your hand and almost violently pulled you out of your seat and towards the stairs leading to the first floor. You looked back over your shoulders and saw Geralts eyes following you both with an unreadable expression on his face. You smiled at him while Jaskier dragged you up the stairs towards their room. From the corner of your eye you spotted the Witcher slowly getting up from his chair…

The door crashed shut behind Jaskier and he immediately started kissing you sloppily with his mouth wide open, tongue asking for entrance into your mouth. You pressed yourself into him, kissing back fiercely. His hard cock pushing and pulsating into your lower belly. His hands were nestling with your dress, trying to pull down the sleeves. He finally succeeded on one side, pulling out your breast. Your nipple hardened immediately in the cool air. He turned you around and held you from behind with both arms, breathing hot air into your neck. “S’that what you wanted little whore? Hm?” Instead of giving an answer you ground your hips back into his hard-on. You felt how slick started to pool between your legs. Jaskier pinched your nipple between two fingers and made you moan. That same moment the door sprang open. Geralt filled the whole doorframe. Both you and Jaskier froze for a second. You looked up at him “Here to join?” you finally asked when none of you dared to move. The two men looked at each other for a few seconds before Geralt stepped into the room without a word and closed the door behind him. One more step and he stood just centimetres away from you. You could feel heat radiating off his body in waves. “How does she feel?” he asked Jaskier in a low growling voice. You felt a jolt of arousal moving down your spine when he finally looked at you. Jaskier had managed to get your other tit out. “She feels great, I mean, look at them” he grinned at his friend from behind you and groped and squeezed your boobs. “Was so eager to get both of us on her. I bet she is wet for us already. Can you help me out here and get her clothes off?” “She is wet like river”, Geralt stated while putting his hand on your hips. “I can smell it.r” With a hard tug your dress slipped over your body, fell to your knees and you were left in your soaking undergarments. One of Jaskiers hands immediately started travelling over your belly downwards leaving a trail of fire on your skin. Geralt brought his hand up under your chin to tilt your head up and you sank into the stare of his yellow eyes. “I could even smell you down there in the inn. Such a needy little whore”. His other hand grabbed your now free breast just as Jaskier’s slipped under your waistband.  A long finger plunged into your dripping wet pussy while Geralt’s calloused fingers brushed over your nipple. You moaned loudly and your hips started bucking all by themselves. Sandwiched between the two men you felt so turned on you couldn’t think straight anymore. Trying to get as much relief as possible you ground down on Jaskier’s finger. It was not enough. You needed more. Geralt grinned, reading your pained facial expression exactly right. “Give her one more, this whore wants to be stretched out properly” he instructed. Jaskier immediately complied. But even two of his delicate fingers did not go deep enough. You panted and bucked your hips against his hand inside of you. “Hm, let me help” Geralt pushed the underpants down to your knees before cupping your cunt and Jaskier’s hand on it. His huge hot palms easily engulfed both. You let your head fall back onto Jaskier’s shoulder breathing hard. Both men were looking at you intently while Geralt slowly added his finger to Jaskier’s into your pussy. You let out a groan as you felt it going deep and brushing at just the right spots. You could feel an orgasm building up. “Ah fuck” you muttered as the men started to pump into you. Their movements were not very coordinated and slow, but the feeling of both of them pushing your walls while fondling your breasts and Jaskier licking your earlobe was too much. You clenched down on the men’s fingers as your orgasm hit you. Your kneeds became wobbly and you fell back into Jaskier who let you both collapse onto the bed. 

The sudden loss of the fingers inside you made you hiss. Jaskier turned your head around and kissed you deeply, taking your breath away. Meanwhile, Gerald took a chair from under the table by the window and put it down in front of the bed. You felt limp in the afterglow of your orgasm, sinking into the sheets as Jaskier wriggled out under you. You watched him take off his boots and shirt, then his pants. Turning your head to the right you directly looked into Geralt’s devouring eyes. He sat in his chair, wide-legged and still fully dressed. His eyes scanned every millimetre of your body while he palmed himself over his pants. Your eyes went wide, that bulge looked really big. The witcher once again read your expression perfectly. “Jaskier will open you up. So you can take me like the good whore you are” he growled, adjusting himself in his pants. The arousal that had subsided a bit now slammed back into you, both at the witcher’s sight as well as Jaskier climbing back onto the bed. He was now fully naked, his cock standing erect in front of his body, dripping from the tip. Your mouth watered at the sight. The bard buried his head in your neck to bite at your shoulder. This sent a shiver down your spine and you arched your back up to meet his body. His stiff member pressed into your abdomen. “Please”, you whisper “please”. “Please what little lady?” Jaskier licked your ear. “You want to feel me inside you?” “Yes, please”, you pleaded, your cunt clenching around nothing. Jaskier sat up, straddling your belly, looking down at your face. His member laid hot and heavy on your belly, slowly leaking sticky precum on your skin. He spat in his hand and started pumping himself while you squirmed below him, trying to get some friction where you needed it most. His cock was not the biggest you’ve ever seen, but long and slightly curved upwards. You wanted to touch it. Picking up some precum from your belly you replaced Jaskiers hand to stroke his cock. He threw his head back with a loud moan. He reached behind himself to find your clit. Rubbing small circles, just as you had done on his hand earlier, he had you panting and writhing beneath him in no time. His chest was heaving and your fingers felt like ice and fire when they scratched lightly over his abdomen. There was no way he could wait any longer. He lowered himself onto you, sucking on one of your nipples and lined himself up, slightly nudging at your entrance. You squinted your eyes shut at the feeling. You needed this, so badly. You locked eyes with the bard when he finally slid into you, slowly but steadily until he hit your cervix at the very back. You both let out a cry of ectasis as he bottomed out. You gripped his shoulders while he slid all the way out, just to slam back in again. From there he buried his face on your side and started to buck his hips into you fervently. Rocking up and down, you glanced over to Geralt. He was still sitting in his chair watching the scene intently. But his hand was in his pants now, slowly stroking his still covered dick. “I want to see it” you mouthed at him, unable to form actual words as white heat pooled in your abdomen every time Jaskier hit that spot deep inside you. You watched, fingernails digging into Jaskier’s arched back, as Geralt unbuttoned his pants, slowly and unhurriedly, and his member sprang free. It was big. Big and fat with an enlarged red tip and clearly visible pulsating veins. You almost blacked out from that sight alone while Jaskier’s rapid rhythm and grunts started to send you over the edge again. 

You yelped at the sudden empty feeling and your orgasm died down, your hole fluttering and clenching around nothing. You looked up at Jaskier now straddling you again with watery eyes. “Why?” you managed to stutter. “Wanna come into your mouth, whore” a sex-drunken Jaskier replied. “Slide down” He pushed you downwards towards the foot of the bed. Your calves dangling from the bed your face was now in front of Jaskier’s cock which had slipped between your breasts. With both hands you pushed your heavy breasts up to cover his member completely as he started to slide back and forth between them, lubed up by your juices. The angry red head, still slick from your juices, peaked out from your cleavage rhythmically and you stuck out your tongue to lick it. Jaskier gasped and pushed himself up even more. You opened your mouth to take him in. The angle was shallow but you blew your cheeks and sucked hard.  “Ah fuuck” Jaskier cried out quickening his pace once more. Another sound filling the room caught your attention and you saw Geralt slowly stroking himself from the corner of your eyes. You didn’t think you could get any more turned on. But the tension from the orgasm you were just denied still lingered in your belly. You desperately needed some relief. You tried pressing your thighs together but that took you nowhere, everything being way to slippery from Jaskier’s and your fluids. You couldn’t speak with Jaskiers dick slipping in and out of your mouth so you started wining instead. Jaskier was way too absorbed watching his cock slide between your tits and disappearing into your mouth as to hear or care about your misery. But Geralt did.

You realized he had gotten up from his chair when he pulled at your feet to drag your ass way down to the edge of the bed. Jaskiers cock was now directly above your face and he was piercing it down your throat. You tried to swallow as much of him as you could without gagging. His moans became quicker and louder and it was clear he would not last much longer. You opened your eyes you had closed in shock when Geralt had moved you. In-between Jaskier’s thrusts you could just see the other man, nacked from his hips downwards, standing at the foot of the bed looking down on you. You opened your legs wide to give him a better view. A deep thrust of Jaskier brought tears to your eyes and left you gasping for air, so you didn’t see Geralt kneeling down onto the floor. He took in the sweet scent of your pussy, now so strong it overpowered even the fire burning in the corner. He had smelled it from the moment you had entered the inn. This beautiful woman, flirting both with him and his friend with not much more than looks. A pretty whore who could not get enough dick. He would need to show you what it meant to be properly satisfied. As much as you seemed to enjoy Jaskier, he knew that only he could give you what you really needed. Looking up at your face covered by his friends ass who was pushing into you, his cock jolted. It was such a dirty scene.  The sounds you made left him feeling dizzy from arousal. And your scent, god… he turned his attention back to your cunt, bringing his nose closer to breath it all in before putting his hands on your thighs. You felt him licking a long stripe over your slick covered hole all the way up to your sensitive bud, which made you jerk and groan into Jaskiers dick. The man over you now sounded desperate and you brought up your hand to massage his balls. That finally undid him. After a last brutal push down your throat you felt him tense up and he emptied himself into your mouth. You caught the warm liquid on your tongue and tried to swallow as much as you could. You almost choked on the cum when Geralt sucked your clit between his teeth. Jaskier collapsed onto the mattress next to you. You looked over a small string of semen ran down over your cheedk from the corner of your mouth. “God fuck, this woman is the death of me” the bard moaned, breathing heavily. Geralt laughed into your pussy which made you gasp. His big hands dug into your flesh as all your muscles tensed up in anticipation of another orgasm. You heard Geralt’s lapping sound as he drank up your juices, which should have been embarrassing, but only drove you closer to the edge. The moment his big finger entered you it was over. With a cry you arched your back, eyes only seeing white, your hands fisting the sheets for dear live. The witcher worked you through this one with his mouth slow powerful strokes of his finger, pitying you after your last release was denied. 

And here you are now, covered in a fine layer of sweat and semen looking down at the white wolf as he licks his fingers clean of your juices. He takes his shirt off over his head and throws it into a corner. Fully naked his figure is even more imposing. And his dick is so. big. Fuck, how are you going to take all this? The slight feeling of fear creeps back into your still heaving chest, mixing with the lingering arousal. “On your knees whore” the witcher commands with a low growl. You are already spent, not sure how to move. Jaskier is still laying a few inches next to you, watching and again toying with his flaccid dick. Apparently, you took too long to react. Big strong hands grip your midsection and you are thrown onto your belly. “On your knees” the witcher growls again. You scoot back onto your knees, all your legs and arms shaking, both from exhaustion and excitement. Geralt grabs your hips on both sides and pulls you backwards to the edge of the bed. A burning slap echoes through the room and you cry out as a hot sting covers your buttcheek. “You do as I say or you get punished” Geralt snarls. You take a look over your shoulder. The witcher towers over you, it’s both frightening and turning you on. “Yes sir”, you stutter frantically trying to hold yourself up on all fours. Your task gets easier as Geralt’s grip on your hips gets even stronger. “Such a beautiful pussy” he grunts “asking to be filled up”. You’re panting in anticipation. “Please”, you whisper. “Please what, whore? Use your words!” His yellow eyes are burning with lust now. “Please, please fuck me, Geralt, I need it so bad” you cry. “Not had enough yet, hm” His huge tip is prodding at your entrance, the stretch already sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. You shake your head “not enough, sir.” “Hm, we better make sure to fill you up then” he says and finally starts pushing into you. You’re grateful he’s going slowly. Your walls burn as he steadily pushes in his thick girth splitting you in half. You hiss and he groans loudly. “Fuck, so tight. Such a perfect pussy. M’gonna ruin it for good” the witcher mutters, watching as his cock disappears into you. Mercifully he gives you a few seconds to adjust until you start circling your hips, grinding back into him. “Insatiable, that’s what you are, an insatiable whore” he says with a smirk on his face. He pushes in the last centimetre, his pelvis now flat against your ass. You can feel his heavy balls on the back if your thighs. “You want me to fuck you, whore?” All coherent thoughts have left your head as you sit there speared down on his dick. The only thing you manage is a quick nod and a pleading look over your shoulder. And that’s all that’s needed for Geralt to drop his last inhibitions. With a loud groan he snatches his hips backwards to push into you again full force. You cry out and land on your elbows while your hips are held up by Geralt’s strong arms. He thrusts into you again and again and you see stars. “That what you wanted, hm? More dick? Does this fill you up completely now?” His pace is relentless, your walls being literally attacked every time he buries his cock in you. Your mouth is agape, shouting loudly every time he enters you, violently hitting your cervix. “Yes” you cry, “So good. Please. Need. To cum.” Your vision blacks out. You feel how Jaskier fondles your hanging breasts while every thrust catapults you nearer to heaven. “Yes, come on my cock, let me see how good it feels to be finally satisfied” Geralt groans and with a loud, long shout of his name you come.

The witcher doesn’t stop. He fucks you right through your high, his eyes squinting from pleasure as you get even tighter clenching his dick, trying to milk his semen from him. But he’s not done with you yet. As you come to your senses you are once more picked up and thrown onto your back this time. Geralt is above you, his white hair falling into your face as you are gasping for air like dr owning person. His hand finds your clit and he starts rubbing it with his thumb. You almost jump at the feeling, being way too overstimulated. You try to writhe out below him but his huge body is keeping you in place. Your eyes fill with tears, you can’t take it, you shake your head. “So you finally had enough?” Geralt asks but he doesn’t wait for you to answer but pushes back into you hard, making you gasp. You feel sore, your body too tired to do anything else than lie there. You cling onto the sheets while your breasts are rocking up and down with his rhythm. You hear a moan and watch how Jaskier is stroking himself feverishly next to you. The veins on his arms are standing out, from how hard he is fisting his dick, his face contorted into a grimace of pleasure. He bucks his hips and cries out while a short spurt of cum shoots out of him. It’s all he has left after you milked him with your mouth. His dick feels like it’s burning, and he palms it lightly, coming down from his high, watching how Geralt thrusts into you at a punishing pace, making the bed move in jolts. Slowly he gets up to heat some water over the fire.

“Look at me”. Geralt yanks your head back forward to face him. He sits up and puts your legs on his shoulder. “I’m going to finish you. Until you can’t think anymore.” He pulls you towards him violently, his cock once again taking up all of you. Your eyes roll back into your head. Your mouth is wide open but can’t make any sounds anymore. The new angle is even deeper, something you didn’t think was possible, and you feel like your soul is being ripped from your body. You can see yourself from above being devoured by the witcher, your sounds reduced to a weak whimpering. Geralt leans forward, folding you in half. You feel so small under him, like his toy. You can feel his balls slapping against your ass, tensing up. He’s almost there. His rhythm gets more choppy while he’s chasing his release. Looking down on your body he sees the outline of his cock on your stomach every time he fills you up. “So. Fucking. Good. You take me so good, such a good whore” he mutters, his hand pressing down on your belly, felling himself pushing in and out of you. The pressure is way too much. With an animalistic cry that doesn’t seem to end and only faintly sounds like “Geralt” your body convulses. Every single muscle in you twitches, your walls strangling the witchers cock, asking it to finally release its seed. One, two thrusts more and Geralt finally starts to come apart, eyes closed, shooting white ropes into you, painting your walls. You gasp, hands clenched around his wrists as you feel him twitch inside you for what feels like an eternity. Then he collapses on top of you, taking your breath away. You try to move him, but your arms are void of any strength. His warm cum is slowly dripping out of you as his dick softens inside you. 

Geralt moves and you frantically gasp for air. He moves his hair out of his face, looks down on you and runs his thumb along your bottom lip. “Well done kid” he says warmly stroking your sweaty forehead. Jaskier strides over, halfway dressed already and hands him a warm wet cloth with which he starts to clean you up carefully. You feel a wide smile stuck onto your face while the warmth of the bed and Geralt’s hands on you lull you to sleep. You feel the two men tuck you in and arms that embrace you in a hug before you pass out completely.

[saltymothball]

my unpopular takes on beetlejuice beetlejuice SPOILERS!! (long post)

(i am a fan of the original pls do not come for me) these are just my thoughts on the sequel :D please feel free to add yours too

context! im writing these notes as i watch so theyre a little disorganized

for reference i also rewatched the original immediately prior to the sequel

not opening with the classic beetlejuice muisic ?? even the stage show opens with that music where is it (EDIT- restarted it and it actually does open w the music, but it is much less fun/campy an and more of a spooky remix so i forgot)

its not plot necessary but i do wish we learned how BJ fixed his shrunken head and death by sandworm

where are the maitlands ???? 0 mention of adam and barbra at the beginning ?

BJ's ex wife intro was a very creative concept but i wish they did it with more sfx props and less cgi/green screen

Astrid is like very boring, theyve done nothing to get the audience (me) invested in her?? disney wish vibes like who is she

call it a headcanon i feel like lydia wouldnt be this fucking awkward of a parent ?? she had good role models ie adam and barbra (even if her own parents werent as active, by the end of the original movie it implied they were now living in a healthy family dynamic

the mother daughter drama feels really forced, reminds me of the out-of-place tension between wednesday and morticia in the 2023 show

all angles are super close up and feel like horror angles. the scene where astrid befriends that boy ?? felt like someone was gonna come up and kill them the ENTIRE interaction (edit i guess that makes sense but it nerfed the scene)

IMMEDIATELY knew his parents are dead btw. not showing their faces is so clearly they are dead. not an ounce of mystery. theory the boy might be a ghost too?

theory astrids dad isnt dead bc Lydia cant see him

the witching hour wrong ?? last i knew it was 3am not 12am. weird thing to get wrong

its like not a silly campy vibe ?? its like uncomfortable.

dont like lydias new man hes pushy and gross

i miss adam and barbra

it doesnt make sense that no one taking lydia seriously ? delia knows she can see ghosts and has also experienced beetlejuice

lydias fiance is a horrid excuse for a partner (how tf did she meet him like did he just walk in bc the plot needed another person to hate lydia

not the dead protester joke :(

the spill-your-guts/pregnancy felt really idk,,, icky??? dont know how to explain it but it uncomfortably long

follow up- a lot of the visual ghost gags felt very gross/gorey ? like in the original movie the gags were inbetween silly/sexual/spooky-but this one feels more like blood and guts instead of spiders and snakes. exhibit A) otho casually shoving corpse barbra out of the way when looking at the closet with delia / exhibit b) the guy with the cigarettes at the end of the original

theory that astrid is going to end up seeing ghosts by the end of the movie

love the "eeee!" noise BJ makes when people say his name

ok BJ with the guitar after lydia tells him off was legitimately funny

i know astrid is an angsty teen but my god she is so hostile towards lydia

calling it at 56mins the boys parents are SO dead bc they deliberately didnt have lydia meet them

listen i have nothing against jenna ortega but it feels like she is type-casted to play exactly one character now, like let the girl play something other than a monotone gothy teen

"they found a loophole and moved on" okay whatever that means

astrids awkwardness w this ghost boy is pretty cute. he is so definitely a ghost though

yup called it hes a ghost

"my mom was telling the truth... shit" lmao

this boy feels very sus bc why are you trying to bribe her w her father

still no info on how lydia and rory met ??

MURDER HOUSE ?? TH BOY IS A MURDERER ??? okay thats a good twist ill give them that

astrid going into the afterlife to see her dad feels very "lydia going to the afterlife to see her mom" plot from the stage show ?

astrid honey you have too much faith in this ghost boy

oh my fucking god delia did you really get poisonous snakes....so on brand for her

Beetlegeuse literally carrying the whole movie

every scene he's in is absolutely giving

william dafoe is pretty good too but adding him just feels like he is william dafoe and not the character hes playing (who is also an actor)

delia correcting herself from saying fuck is really funny like girl was that scripted

okay ok astrd seeing her dad working in immigration was pretty neat

i had actually forgotten abt BJs ex wife until now ? doesnt seem like she actually adds much to the story beyond giving BJ a new reason to pursue lydia... which he was already doing...?

are they all going to end up in the afterlfe wtf

the afterlife desert takes place on the fucking moon of saturn ?? okay

is it just me or is the sandworm not claymation... like maybe its just the way it looks but i swear it looks like they cgi'd it but then cut down the frame rate

damn lydias husband really got eaten by piranhas.. what a way to die oh my god

there was no real stakes to astrid switching her soul? they resolved that so fast like lydia just grabbed her and they ran

oh their husband/dad is back now everything is fixed...? like all that hate towards her mom is now gone bc her mom was telling the truth about seeing ghosts? dad just resolved the only conflict

beetlejuice didnt even help get astrid back he went on a pee break and the plot progressed

love bad cop william defoe

"are you filled with fear and trembling?" "yes im shitting my pants" absolutely gold

BJ on fetchquests this whole movie fr

the soul sucking lady please she ate bobs nametag :(

ok wtf they really solved ghost boy dilemma in 5 seconds, BJ ex machina... like he rlly just got him like that ??? anticlimactic

ok good astrid apologized for being a shitty kid

rory please stop kissing lydias neck

i kind of hate the modern nods like the self securing seatbelt in the priests car, or the influencers at the wedding, really weird unnecessary detail

BJ and Delia wedding crashers my fav

how did Beetlejuice get into the church ? if he is a demon like previously established, shouldnt he NOT be able to step on holy ground

enjoyed the slapstick moment of lydia punching rory, good moment

her red dress omg !! pretty

BJ himself is just too funny, making the priest sing top tier

i still miss adam and barbra :( if they can cgi that dead guy in star wars i think we couldve brought alec baldwin and geena davis who are in fact still very alive and look great

they really didnt make me interested in BJs ex wife other than she is pretty and looks like morticia addams ?

BJ making everybody partake in singing is very silly

everybody dancing at the wedding scene must have been fun to film, everybody looks like theyre jamming

lmao whos dog was that in the hallucinations ?? is that the dog who killed the maitlands

"ghoul squad" ok monster high

oh finally his ex is here

lydia so casually pushed out of the way lmao

why does BJ have more etherial powers than every other ghost?

offering rory to the soul sucking lady is so good

theyre really just gonna sandworm for the plot resolution again ???

his ex wife was a threat for all of 4 seconds

lol the legal marriage loophole was kinda funny

is delia like forever dead ? is she a ghost now? is beetlejuice dead?

i still love delia. "i will find charles and we will haunt you both" good for her

are the influencer wedding guests dead

everything got wrapped up very quickly

good on delia for still loving her husband even though that shark absolutely annihilated him

what ?? astrid is married now???

WHAT ??? SHES GIVING BIRTH ?????

oh ok its a dream

having a second pregnancy bit felt really weird

they alluded to another sequel :(

please remember i am actually a huge fan of beetlejuice !! no hate to the franchise these are just my personal opinions on the sequel. i would love to hear your thoughts as well !!

[thegoldheartlocketandkey-blog]

911 Spoilers Season 2: You’ve been warned. 😅

Episode 1

Okay so I wasn’t kidding when I said I was taking notes during my rewatch of season 2. I’ll show you the first page out of 15 pages I’ve written.

My hand writing is atrocious, and my grammar is definitely all over the place, but if you find my hand writing difficult to read, I’ll have my notes transcribed below. With more of an analysis/summary.

Buddie ❤️

Season 2: Episode 1

• Buck meets Eddie (Shirtless). Buck is obviously intimidated and subconsciously finds him attractive.

Can we talk about the song choice the producers/editors went with for this scene. What do you mean “What a man” is playing in Buck’s head when he first sees Eddie.

• Eddie obviously not comfortable with team yet, wants to be impressive. Shows off Army skills. Buck is more jealous.

Eddie really just wants to be accepted and apart of the group, and just do a good job. And we have Buck over here being grumpy and realistically concerned over his own place in the team.

• Gym scene= Lots of peacocking. Eddie just wants to be helpful / impressive. Eddie obviously finds Buck attractive Buck is too jealous to actually notice that.

Why are they being so unnecessarily aggressive with each other. The tension in the room isn’t just a simple I don’t like this person vibe. It’s more of a lustful tension, that’s the best way to describe it. Keep in mind I thought the tension in this scene was weird when I first watched the episode, and before the idea of shipping them ever crossed my mind. Now rewatching it just solidifies my desire for them to end up together.

• Eddie & Buck remove a bomb and this near death experience squashes any bad blood between them and is the start of their friendship.

Possibly the shortest Enemies to Besties trope to ever exist. Not going to say Lovers yet, but the way they were looking at each other definitely suggests that possibility.

• Buck tries to come up w/ cute nicknames for Eddie. Eddie is enjoying the interaction. Both acknowledge the other is attractive when trying to figure out who won the calendar.

This scene. Eddie’s reactions. Bucks complete 180 behavioral change towards Eddie is the moment I acknowledged their mutual attraction towards each other. It’s still not the moment I shipped them, it was something I didn’t fully acknowledge until I watched more episodes. I just knew they were going to be really great friends.

* Lots of smoldering eyes from Eddie and lip biting. Eddie may not realize it, but his body language is screaming he finds Buck attractive.

Eddie doesn’t lip bite when looking at Chim, Bobbie or Hen. He only seems to do it when looking directly at Buck.

Transcribing my notes for the other episodes might take me a while. I plan to post my notes for episode 2 and 3 soon because they are short. I may even include episode 4. Idk, this little project is just to get me ready for Season 7 and possibly channel my obsession in some way other than reading fanfic.

Please feel free to tell me if I missed something or if you think I’m wrong about something I’m happy to discuss these episode break down.

[rexaleph]

so i feel like Tension is my favorite Kylie album by a wide margin, followed by Disco and Fever tied. i was just going through them for a playlist of fun songs to do chores to and literally no misses on that one. however Tension II is honestly not that good imo. apart from the collabs which are hit or miss, it does straight up feel like leftovers, except for Good As Gone. unfortunately that's a breakup song and i don't really go to Kylie for those feelings, plus it feels kinda sad that it's the one affecting thing to come after all the infatuation and desperate soaring romantic hope of the entire Tension album. conceptually Someone For Me is also very fun, Jolene-style lesbian displacement overtones to me ("wow i love seeing you with him, it makes me horny for a hypothetical man"), but sound-wise, idk.

and here's the thing w the collabs. the Orville Peck and Sia ones are good but do not sound like Kylie songs to me! and My Oh My is very blah and has some irredeemably bad lyrics. and like ok, that does make Kylie kinda sound like a characterless pop girlie :c she gets fully overwhelmed by bigger personalities and blends away on a track with 2 other pop girlies (idk abt tove lo, but bebe rhexa is like known for being generic, right?) so like. it makes her look bad in just the way she sometimes gets criticized for*, i don't like that.

anyway, even if the most recent album is kinda eh, i'm so happy that my favorite work of hers is so recent, from her 50s even. also i don't get the feeling that people talk abt her in that weird ageist way that diva stuff sometimes gets. and regardless of that political aspect (lmao) it's just nice that the good music is being made now and maybe there will be more. i dont even remember what it was like 5 years ago when i had to be like "i love kylie and my favorite album is fever from 2001"

*by this one faggot gaga fan i talk abt music with sometimes, idrk the critical consensus

[magicalyaku]

Hey there! I'm back from writing paradise. I admit I might have gotten a little obsessed but that was just because writing is so easy and fun while everything else is always hard. u3u But I basically finished my novel so I have no excuses anymore not to get back into real life. Here's what I read in May! Pretty good month! uAu

Keeper of the Lost Cities 3: Everblaze (Shannon Messenger): The first one in the series I read instead of listening. Was a good choice because I think I missed quite a bit of the first volumes. 8D Also, it's so long. I don't think, me being me, that I would have made it though the audiobook. Don't get me wrong, I like the story. I have a tremendous respect at how it is written, keeping all the plotpoints together, presenting the puzzle pieces little by little, managing the huge cast of people. When I complain next time about a Middle Grade book being too simple and too shallow than this is the kind of book I'm comparing it to. My one problem in this volume was, how the tension never lets down. It's so wound tight all the time, everything is always on the edge of collapsing, including Sophie. It was a little exhausting for me. So I was very glad, there were at least some answers near the end.

The Scottish Boy (Alex de Campi): I went to Scotland at the beginning of May to visit my friend, so what better book to read than this. And what a book. It's the kind of story, where so much happens in the relationship of the protagonists that right after it ends you want to go back to the beginning and read all their first interactions all over again. Hng. It's great. Also Alys, my queen. When she first appeared I was so afraid she'd turn out evil. Because court intrigues and stuff. The ending of this book is all my heart desires. I don't actually like war stories, you know. But after In Memoriam and now this, they sure make good love stories. The drama of for once not knowing where it all goes? Who lives and who doesn't? Damn. I really enjoyed reading this book. The illustrations by Trungles are also verrry nice. uAub

Captive Prince (C.S. Pacat): This was a reread and I read the other two volumes in June, so my thoughts on the series will go there. :)

Wraith, Entity & Presence (Oracle of Senders 3,4 + 3.5) (Mere Joyce): It's so hard to tell my feelings for this series. There's a lot of death and murder, there's choking and burning and failed exorcism and so much danger of death and still it was just so pleasant to read, so charming and nice and laid-back. It's so weird. 8D I liked the cast of characters and the adventure and Cal's and Meander's relationship (the complete lack of gay panic and homophobic surroundings), the classical music references (even though I never looked up a single one). I wish there was a sequel with Cal and Meander as adults. I mean, I realise, it would be difficult to do in a classic novel format because the ghost cases just aren't big enough to last a whole book, but imagine it like a half-hour show oder manga series with a ghost of the week for half the chapter and their happy slice of life for the rest. Hah. Good series.

The Hanged Man & The Hourglass Throne (The Tarot Sequence 2+3) (K.D. Edwards): I didn't think about it while reading but in retrospective this series fits into what I categorise as "wild". There's so much shit happening here. Big and bold. At the end of volume 1 I was still undecided of I like it enough to buy it on paper. These doubts were washed away with the sequels. It's an investment in the beginning, getting into the world and all, but I found it totally worth it. That one big drama at the end of vol3? Yes, totally got me. Like right from the textbook. Make me care, rip me apart. Damn.

The Buried and the Bound (Rochelle Hassan): If someone asked me in a survey about what I want to read and then actually went and made it into a book, this might be the result. This contains only things I like: two suffering (gay) boys, one tough girl (not involved in any romance), which is the best constellation of characters, really. Some magic, some adventure, some drama, different storythreads that weave nicely together in the end. I enjoyed reading it a whole lot and am looking forward to the sequels!

Ander & Santi were here (Jonny Garza Villa): Now this one was difficult. I think it's a good book, I wanted to like it, but. Hear me out. For me, this is split in three parts. The first one is about the illegal immigrants. See, for as long as I remember my dad worked in a … what's it called in English … an housing complex for refugees? Not a camp, but like a dorm. And while illegals and refugees are still a step apart, they're at least somehow adjacent. I lived basically next to them half my life and never cared. When in 2015 there was a huge wave of refugees coming to my country and everyone was freaking out, I just thought "Great, that means my dad will keep his job" (because the dorm was always on the verge of closing down and it would probably been tough for my dad as one of very few black people in a kind of racist small town to find a new job.) So anyway, I thought it was a good thing to finally read an actual story about people in these situations, to learn how to care. So that part was good and insightful. The second part was about the art. I draw manga only, but I do consider myself an artist and I was around when manga became big in my country and the art schools hated it and made us suffer. I have thoughts on art. And I really enjoyed reading about Ander's art and process and thoughts. My favourite part of the book! And then there's part 3, the love story. And I think, because I connected more strongly to the other parts than usual I felt the disconnect here much more than usual! The romance in here is very intense and very physical and my aroace brain didn't compute at all. Complete detachment. Which was kind of a problem, because the romance is a huge part of the book. I really wanted to like it but it didn't work. I did like Ander as a character, though, and their family and friends. And the cover is still so damn pretty!

That's it!

[justageneralsimpindeed]

Mappa did this on purpose.Those who read this early I have not finished this the internet just hates me an decided to post my work early.

Tw:rough sex,hints of jelousy,established relationship, hair pulling,random weird man,mentions of aftercare,choking,breeding kink,face sitting,fingering,mentions of children,cockwarming,loss of virginity,The last line if ya know ya know

"Y/n, Im home,"Nanami called out.But all he had gotten as a response was silence.Odd.You normally greated him when he came home,that's what nanami thought, so when he walked through the house to see you weren't there,he began to worry.Was this his punishment for being engaged while a jujutsu sorcerer.

He paced around calling out your name until he spots on the frigde as he walk into the kitchen a note he hadn't before noticed.

"Babysitting.be back by 8, food's in the oven. See you xoxoxo <3"

Although he feels the urge to sigh on how you didn't text him prior,he feels a sense of warmth at your words scribbled across the back of a torn piece of scrap paper you had found somewhere.Did this mean he wasn't going to track you down and watch over you. Nope!

After a while Nanami found himself outside a small house in Yamanshi-Cho. knocking on the door and waiting for a reply.When it doesnt come he peers through the window knowing that what he is doing is inappropriate but for you he has too.Only when he seeks you out does he find a child laying on your chest sleeping soundly with you.He chuckles as he leaves the window,image of you snoring,drool slipping past you lips,neat hair a mess.

"Um excuse me?Do you have any business here?"Voice asks with peaked curiosity,as nanami turns he sees an elderly man with teeth black or missing , back hunched and frame leaning on a cane. "Yes, im here for my fiance, I brought her lunch" he says lifting up the paperbag,with a stoic expression on his face.

"Prove it."

"Excuse me."

The tension had somehow built to an immesurable peak, and Nanami couldn't help but notice how the man before him reaked with envy.

"What is your issue with me being here?"

"CAUSE THATS MY FUCKIN DOOR!"

"Im just trying to deliver food to my fiance-"

"Your bitch aint here!"The elderly man swaying drunkly yells causing a ruckus.

The door opens to said ruckus revealing your slightly tired form and a child no older than three held against your hip in your arms. "Mr.Horuda,you're back,"and as if on que he flips a switch,voice turning into a sickly sweetness as he attempts to flirt with you,nanamis fiance,right infrony of him."Is it me or have you turned into a model from the time I left,"You giggle nervously as you hand him back his grandson, with sad eyes "Sasuke-tan , unfortunately we can't play now but I'll see you soon.Thank you Mr.Horuda for letting me take care off..."Only at that moment had you seen nanami,looking as aloof as you left him."Nanami?!What are you doing here?!"

"I came to pick you up.I brought food."He says as he begins to walk away,you give sasuke one final hug before you run off to catch up to nanami "Bye bye sasuke!"You call out,waving over you shoulder,just in time for you to see him repeatedly opening and closing his fists babbling at you.

"Nanami did you pick me up just so could take me on a date to meguro-gawa?"You giggle pinkies intertwined as you walk down the pavement with him."Actually I wanted to dicuss something."are the words that leave his lips that intrugue you."I want a baby,"nanami starts your face flushes, as you begin to fully comprehend what he means."I specifically want a baby girl,but a boy is fine."

"W-what where did this come from?"

"From seeing you babysit,you were upset that you had to leave sasuke,"Nanami pulls you down onto a nearby bench,fully taking your hands in his own,eyes watching you red face begains to become somehow redder. "Nanami-kun..."You whisper,trying not to bring any attention to the two of you. "Of course if you don't want one,ill wait until your ready even if its forever." He mumbles out scooting closer to you."But understand this ,i will be at yout side no matter the choice."You feel yourself flush as you hug him burying yourself into his chest."Marry me,"

He lets out a soft chuckle "You already asked me and I said yes"

"Then marry me now"You pout lifting up your face to meet his,the sudden boldness making him flustered.

That's how you ended up at a love hotel in meguro,nanami pounding into your tight,virgin pussy,despite him not wanting to hurt you.But you loved it.Every second of it.

"Shit!I'm going fill you to the brim,my love."Yoir faced only flushed further at his words as he rammed into you,ass turning red from the constant slapping of nanamis thrust. "Na-Nanami,ah!"a sudden yelp leaves your lips as you squirm due to nanami hammering his cock into your cervix. In an attempt to hold you still he moves his hands from wrapped just under you breast to bruising you hips,but not even that worked so he did something you didn't expect but certainly didn't mind.

He grabs a fistful of your hair,pulling you back to him as you try to crawl away,spasmming from overstimulation."Kento-Ah!"You yelp out as his cock pummels your cervix.

"Good girl,suck me in an- nghh let me breed you..hmph!Shit!"He groans pausing every word to knock the air out of his lungs as your cervix's life seem to flash before its eyes.Your crying and shaking,tounge lolled out with your eyes rolled back from hours upon hours of cumming.

He'd thrown you on the bed when you had gotten to the love hotel,nipping at your neck as he had slipped you out of your clothes(constantly asking for reassurance of you being comfortable) and began to finger you with his thick fingers.At first it was one and within the span of five minutes he was prodding a fourth at your hole,tounge sucking at the bundle of nerves and eyes staring at your tear filled one before you dragging you to sit on his face demanding to be suffocated by your glorious mass if he was to die.

As you find yourself cumming for the fifth time you can't help but wonder how did you get into this,with your love ramming into your womb whispering sweet praise into your ear from behind with his hand either pressed around your neck like a necklace or his hand yanking on your hair like the reign to a horse when you try to escape.

You barely remember when you had been knocked out from nanami's thrust but you do remember how his sculpted torso pressed against yours as he collapsed by your side after a few seconds he wipes your hair out of your face ,lips gently planting a kiss on your lips .To which you smile"Oh so my baby girls awake,I didn't go to rough on you for your first time did I?"he says sitting up and crawling ontop of you to plant kisses on your shoulder"Mmmhh...don't care,kento..."you grumble out a little groggy from being rendered unconscious by your fiance's dick.

"Nanami."

"Yes,love?"

"Why did you want a girl more?"

"..."he pauses"I dont want him hogging you?"

"Is that why you havent pulled out yet"You chuckle,to which he chuckles back before sighing"Ill get something to clean you up"

"You too."

"Y/N you literally fell unconscious "

"Mrs nanami says let me take care of you"

He laughs at the fact you had already adopted his last name despite not yet being married.

"Kento,baby.I think you need a vacation?"You voice,he wants to protest his occupation as a sorcerer denies him that vacation but he allows you to speak since you seem persistent .

"Could we go to Malaysia after the kids are born?I want them to see it to."You smile,and nanami does too as you saying the word 'kids'.He was going to have a family and now he truly must protect you from everything.

"Malaysia...that sounds nice"

[thegeminisage]

WRATH OF KHAN breakdown

i watched this movie with catherine maulthots six days ago and liveblogged it incoherently on a notepad file on my phone because No Way was i opening this devils website when spock could die any moment. i am recording my experiences here for posterity

firstly i did know going in that he was going to die. this made me wracked with anxiety. more on that later. actually when kirk walked up and was like ha ha arent you supposed to be dead i almost lost it .5 seconds into the movie

absolute first thing was that we werent sure whether or not the thing in the beginning was a test. absolutely LOST MY MIND when i realized it was the kobayashi maru. every ten seconds during this movie i went "omg an aos reference" even though i knew it was really the other way around. somehow i thought mister perfect tos jim wouldn't cheat on the test so when they sort of hinted at what he did but didn't say it i was FROTHING to know more

bones's gay little posture. that's it that's the whole bullet

bones coming to jim's place at night was like the opening of some retro gay porno. DELIGHTED to find out that jim's allergies were not in fact an aos fanon but based in both aos and tos canon (re his little old man glasses)

mad that all of the movies seem to flirt with whether or not james t kirk should retire or captain a starship and then never resolve that question ever. it's like will shatner's insecurity about aging was leeching into the very script. girl we ALL KNOW what he should be doing so either shit or get off the pot

birthday gifts cute though. oh my fucking god. a book and glasses and he shows up with both repeatedly throughout the film

khan's tits were amazing. even as an asexual, even queer as a two dollar bill, i am full of admiration for what he had going on. he was rockin it

when they put the little worms into chekov and terrel cathy was like "omg THATS why they called them khan worms" and then i got to say "omg spn reference" instead of "omg aos reference" and we were so excited she wasn't even mad about it. also, they were so gross, oh my god, i couldn't look, she had to tell me when it was safe to unhide my eyes

meanwhile we're also mercilessly mocking the oversight that allowed khan and chekov to know one another. how did that plothole make it into production

EYE personally was very shocked at the amount of non-annoying women in the movie (two??). i liked both saavik and carol though i had to google to see if saavik was a human or vulcan. VERY cute that spock gave her the wheel to fuck with kirk specifically even though anyone but kirk being captain is so WEIRD. spock can be acting captain but not actual captain!!!

i ALSO knew from spoilers that carol had had kirk's fucking child which i may have accidentally also ruined for catherine so when a woman with an adult son mentioned james kirk onscreen we both became a little. unwell.

khan's "i shall have him" this sort of sexual tension is one of many things missing from into darkness. NOT that i want to see b*nedict c*mberbatch have that with anyone bc he is quite literally so ugly i have to cover his face with my hand when i watch into darkness but they should have cast a better person as khan and then made him have sexual tension with kirk.

cathy on the khan worms coming out of chekov's ears: wow, i love that! me on the same thing: i hate it

khan's "i wish to go on hurting you" no comment

khan yell REALLY GOOD. glad to see some things never change. william shatner was like i have been and will ever be a huge fucking ham

when carol marcus went "can i cook or can't i" i decided to go ahead and start liking women again. nature is healing, etc

if i had seen kirk pop that apple in his mouth while talking about how he didn't like to lose before i wrote gambler's knife. well. the fic probably wouldn't have changed much but my brain chemistry has certainly changed now. i can't explain w human words. AAAAAAUGH

spock's line about "sauce for the goose" was so out of character we had to check the transcript and make sure that was him speaking and not kirk. "sauce for the goose"??? sir, you're a vegetarian

the cgi was surprisingly good in whatever version we watched. it really holds up, which is ironic considering we had 20-minute vistas of it in the previous movie, where it was just okay

spock's death. i cried all the way through. don't text.

i did have a vague idea of what was going on when he melded with bones bc you literally cant avoid spoilers but i didn't have Details so i was very shocked for a second until i remembered

SPOCK'S FUNERAL. oh he would have been insulted to hear jim call him human!!!!! but he WAS

kirk trying to run away from his kid was really good. if i hadn't been blinded with tears i would have really enjoyed it. didn't like the "you've never faced death" bit though bc OBVIOUSLYYY he was on tarsus iv.

anyway then they panned to the coffin and i was like SURELY HES GONNA POP OUT AND SAY SIKE but he didn't. he didn't and i just had to live with that. and we had planned to watch search for spock immediately the next day but fate intervened and i had to skip it TWO DAYS in a row and nearly died. the end.

also, i didn't realize the book spock had given kirk was the one he quoted at the end!!!!!!! really horrible.

[bellysoupset]

SOUP!!!!!!!

HI HI HI HI I CANT EXPLAIN HOW HAPPY I AM THAT YOURE BACK!!! oh my goodness i was literally typing this when i saw that you asked where i’ve been💀 i’ve been reading fics as you post them (i don’t have notifs on but i check your blog for updates on a regular basis LMAO) but life shtuff has only now died down enough for me to actually write/comment on things!! gosh i’m so excited you’re back!! in the LEAST pressure-y way, it’s almost embarrassing how slowly days went by as i was waiting for you to start posting again LOL like at one point i was telling myself “okay she said 20 days, it’s probably been at least a week”. it had been literally 3 days 💀 HAHAHAHWH

ANYWAYS

AHHHHHH MY BABIES MY BABIES!!!!! i don’t remember what the last thing i talked about on here was but WOW these last fics have made me cry and laugh and blush sooo many different times!! wen finding out was CRAZY and i literally sobbed w her bc the way everything played out was so unfortunate but also so realistic and raw and i had so many mixed feelings about everything!!!! and then wen isolating and bella checking on her!! and wen trying to push her away and then admitting that she felt so lonely GOD THAT WAS DEVASTATING but then bella being so supportive and comforting AGHHHH my girlsss <3333

and then omg the fic after that one??? i was SO surprised that wen forgave vin? and that they’re trying long distance??? i’m so fucking excited and happy abt that but god i’m sure it’ll be hard 😭 but YAY I KNEW THEY LOVED EACH OTHER TOO MUCH TO GIVE UP LIKE THAT ♥️

side note, luke being so depressed and struggling so much to adapt to his meds is so sad but so realistic too :,) i’m glad you’re making this a part of the plot!! but my man is def off his meds already lol im interested to see where this goes!! and also i LOVE how well jon and leo are doing <3 despite everything going on, they’re in their happy era fr <3

and now i’m sorry but the sick vin fic?????????? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IT WAS EVERYTHING I NEEDED AND MORE‼️ first off, leo talking to him and being so real but also like calling him out like that??? while still being super supportive??? and the way he described wen was so accurate and so him-coded??? and then AHHHHH i’ve ALWAYS loved vin and bell’s friendship, i’ve genuinely always thought it was super adorable and i wanted more of them, so this fic was gold 🤭 a trope that ALWAYS gets me is when someone is ANGRY at someone they love and ofc being bitchy and sassy until they realise said someone is very much Unwell (it’s especially good if they’re so sick that they’re really out of it), and when they realise how sick they are they IMMEDIATELY switch from mad to concerned + caretaker mode!!!! so yeah you can imagine this whole fic had me on my knees 🤭 obsessed w how protective of luke bell is, and how protective of vin wen is, but also how both girls just jumped straight into action when he was clearly not feeling good <333 and then vin realising wen was using her dr. voice, and then the pure ANGST at the end when he sobs and they just hug and the “god i’m gonna fucking miss you” SOB SOB SOB SOB 😭😭😭🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

bell sick and luke taking care of her was also AMAZINGGGG🫶🏽 i always love when my girls get whumped <3333 omg and AHHHH luke and vin finally talking abt shtuff🥹 the “nothing to forgive” 😭 luke knowing he’ll get sick AND holding him closer??? GOSH THE BROTP MAN !!!!!

and oh my goodness i just read the most recent fic with the new OC!!!! this is so exciting and cool and i love his vibes ahhhh <3 i love how nonchalant max seems abt shtuff and im so so excited to see where things go!! i hope vin and him become friends but also i feel like there’s gonna be some tension and weird banter going on between them at least at first hehehe

ANYWAYS

your writing is fucking incredible and whenever i see a new post from your blog it genuinely lights up my day <3 i am completely in love with all your characters and the depth and intricacies behind each of them ♥️ i’m so thankful your blog exists🫶🏽 also, i saw you were really struggling for a while and i just wanted to check in and see if you were doing better? you’re so loved and talented and appreciated and you deserve all the peace and love and happiness in the world!!! i hope things are going well/better!

i can’t wait to read more of what you write! i’m super excited about this new character and about reading more stories abt your lovely OCs <3

YOU’RE AMAZING THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING AND KEEP SLAYING!!!

🦦

Soup found DEAD from love cardiac arrest outside of Miami beach.

🦦!!!!! Honestly I don't even wanna post your comments, I just wanna stare at them for hours 🙈🙈

Don't worry about catching up on fics, they'll be here when life slows down!! I know very well how sad it is that we must Adult ™.

I am SO HAPPY you liked the Wendy/Vince developments!! In my head you're like THE Wendy/Vin supporter, so every time I write something with them I'm like "uhmmm wonder what 🦦 is gonna think??"

Caretaker who's pissed and then switches to comfort is also one of my favorite tropes, I looooove the spiciness of guilt thrown in!

Take care babe 💛💛

[tfw-no-tennis]

onepiece liveblogs 811-812

yea babeyyyyy

811!!

wow caesar just completely unable to read the room huh. not even charming like when luffy does it 🙄

get his ass chopper

sanji looks so chill w his sunglasses on lol he looks like he's about to go cruising around in a convertible

luv the strawhats fucking up enemies

so all the women in one piece are drawn w/yuri legs but honestly brook and sanji have it a bit too lol

also obligatory - I haaate how the women look in modern one piece style, I miss the style from the beginning of the show sooo much, everyone was so cute ughhghhgh

the men too honestly why is everyone all roided out. why are the necks Like That

n e wayz

nah sanji don't listen to caesar of all people re: the minks

nami and wanda gay meetcute fighting <3

like liiiiterally nami pinning and straddling wanda????? nami my beloved lesbian

OOOOBHHHH chopper taking charge and triaging oooooobbhh I loooove when he does medical stuff awbhh

^biased bc I'm currently in medicine school

NAAMI ILY NAMI

chopper forcing caesar to help...yes get his ass chopper<3

omg nekomamushia Large. like I knew that but seeing sanjji climb on him puts it in perspective lol

all the straw hats helping w the medical stuff <333

nami wanda mistaken enemies to lovers speedrun

I luv franky did u know

chopper pulling day AND night shifts he's such a dedicated Dr aww

luffy's like fuck yes I wanna meet the giant cat guy

loving the subtle full moon foreshadowing w/the minks

brook should do some musical exposition

THE DRAMA I LOVE IT YUMMMMMMMM

omg pekoms I was wondering when he'd appear

this is so tense and it's taking so long to find out where sanji went I can't even imagine reading this live lol

812!

awwww nojiko and genzo!!!! <333

so many people in this arc wearing sunglasses lol

sanji becomes a furry then gets kidnapped: the arc

nami seeing sanji being annoying like :|

Kill Him Nami

yea I don't wanna see momo's human form either bc of that haircut 😅 ik it's traditional but uh. oof

caesar's evil thought bubbles of 'why must I be forced to do non-evil things' lmfaoooo

'the animal kingdom pirates'? that aint is chief lol

also me reading that as animal cracker pirates lmfao

HHHHHHHHHHHH THE DRAMATIC TENSION (for me, upon reread, seeing caesar freak out bc he thinks the big mom pirates are here for him, BUT THEY'RE REALLY HERE FOR SANJI...ok and caesar but ALSO SANJI)

'when did we become bros' ok get his ass sanji.

wowww caesar fucked over big mom. Good Going Moron lol

I do love when sanji gets to be like. strategic. that's one of my favorite aspects of his character, and it separates him nicely from zoro & luffy, the other main fighters - I especially love early on in the story when sanji will go full sneaky and run off to ruin the enemies plans before anyone realizes what's happening

so yea I love him being in charge here

him glaring down at bege...does sanji have any idea that bege is here for him??? I don't remember but hhhhhh juicy

brook is like. comically tall and skinny lol

HAHAHAHA the panel of pekoms hugging sanji is FANTASTIC lol

damnnnnn I forgot that pekoms was willing to let sanji go and take the fall w/big mom...

PEKOMS OH NO does he actually die I don't remember. doubt it

ok bege's power is like. SO weird and One Piece™ and also cool??? like wtf. his nickname is 'gang' and like. yeah. he is a whole gang bc he's a castle with a bunch of shrunken dudes in him lol

Bag Of Holding Ass Powers..

ngl i fucking LOVE in one piece when a character is like 'I have the ____-____ fruit. I'm a ____man' like idk why but that tickles me lol

like bege saying 'I have the castle-castle fruit. I'm a castle man' fantastic 10/10

omg I forgot abt bege's guy who looks like a cross between chrollo hxh and ryuk deathnote and is also named vito (godfather reference that I now understand after watching it lol)

like mannnnn it's so weird that they all go inside bege lmao but also it makes sense. bc its one piece

I feel like sanji must know something is up, with everyone else chained up on the floor and he's at the table talking to bege - though it could be that sanji's the one in charge, but stiiiiill...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THERE IT IS THERE IT IS THERE IT ISSSSSSSSSSSSS

SOOOOOOO FUCKING HYPE legit probably my favorite cliffhanger in all of one piece MANNNNNNNNN

like. listen. AUGHHHHH so much. the 'chapter 800+ secret family reveal' WOULD NOT WORK in like 99.9% of stories but it flows PERFECTLY in one piece bc there is such a precedent for this sort of thing!! for the sort of behavior where you never ever talk about your 'real' (biological) family or where you came from bc IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT!!! OF ONE PIECE!!!!! that the characters get to CHOOSE where they belong and who their family is

(also this reveal happening so late makes the sabo reveal - the 'chapter 500+ secret amnesiac brother reveal' - seem practically early lol)

and like, obviously this theme of choosing your family is handled a lot - like everything with ace, who does exactly this ^ and yet is still burdened by his blood

but ok what I'm getting at is that in basically any other story, a reveal about one of the main characters coming this late would be suuuuuch a stupid asspull, but in this case, it's one of the best writing decisions in the story in ages

like half the straw hats have mysterious/unknown biological origins - nami, zoro (outside of SBSs), franky, sanji (before now), brook (ig lol)...even luffy's mom and robin's dad and stuff are never mentioned. and none of this is ever really remarked upon - they DO have family, even if it isn't by blood

so the story sets this standard that the found family is The family and it doesn't matter where the characters came from. and this is the 'right' way of going about things, that the straw hats and other 'good guys' support

however, not everyone in the story agrees with this. which is huuuuge and so so juicy. like, ace gets to choose his brothers and his pirate dad/family, but the world govt will NOT forget or ignore his biological parentage, and they kill him for that. GODDDD it's so goooood

so you get the POV charaters (straw hats) who believe that where you came from biologically doesn't matter, and a lot of the antagonist characters who think it DOES matter.

so this creates the perfect atmosphere for us to never hear about the vinsmokes, bc we're seeing things via the straw hats, and sanji would never want or need to mention them, ever

the antagonists, though...different story. so that allows the perfect time for a reveal here!!!!

and HHHHH there are some EXCELLENT little tidbits earlier in the story - obviously sanji mentioning he's from north blue, and even his name w/the 'three'...it's stuff that's so small that it can easily be brushed aside if it doesn't amount to anything, but since it did we can look back and be like oh shiiiit

even him calling himself mr prince!!! like...he technically IS a prince by blood!!!

and like, ik a lot of people thought he'd be a celestial dragon, but I think it's better this way, bc if he DID have knowledge of the celestial dragons, even from when he was a kid, that would be useful in a way that would make it look bad if he witheld the knowledge previously, whereas the vinsmokes existing and sanji knowing about them doesn't really help anything...anyways, rambling.

so I love the last panel here, with sanji just looking completely shocked and horrified. because it isn't like he's really been hiding his past on purpose - he thought it didn't matter where he was originally from, because with the straw hats, it DIDN'T!!

but I feel like he had to have thought about it at least sometimes - what would happen if the vinsmokes came looking for him for whatever reason

but at the same time, we find out later that they basically kicked him out and told him to never come back, so he probably thought he'd never have to deal with them again (though I feel like he had to have wondered if he'd ever run into them in his travels...)

aaaanyways okay this is getting long and this is literally just the beginning of my long meta rants I'm sure. more to come soon!

[mlobsters]

supernatural s7e7 the mentalists (w. ben acker, ben blacker)

*sad trombone*

it's like. an actual view of an actual screen in daylight aka it's dark as shit. that's funny. you better fix your shit with sammy, my dude.

this looks like it's gonna be not great. brightly lit and colorful, never a good sign. oh... god. sam is here? i think i might need to read the plot summary in advance on this one.

his hair is lookin kinda limp and greasy. is it sad/mad sam hair? (doubtful)

WAITER Fantastic. You are a virile manifestation of the divine.

all right.

rex manning? (no)

MELANIE Well, I honestly read people. It's just less woo woo, more body language. Like you two – long-time partners, but, um… a lot of tension. [Gestures to SAM.] You're pissed. [Gestures to DEAN.] And you're stressed. It's not brain surgery.

--

JIMMY A loss weighs on you. You're angry. It's complicated. Come see me, Agent.

for all the buildup that felt so contrived of this stabbing jewel staite and lying about it conflict and now they're doing the, oh those bickering brothers sort of comic relief about them fighting... is weird.

watched an interesting documentary about miss cleo while painting here recently, called "call me miss cleo" (trailer)

hey hey someone from yellowjackets! i've watched s1 twice but haven't started s2. maybe when i'm done with s2 of the bear.

yellowjackets - rukiya bernard as simone abra

MUSEUM GUIDE Never ended well for the siblings. DEAN Why is that? MUSEUM GUIDE Mm, the strain of working together, or maybe just being around each other all their lives. Those two were the exception, actually – the Campbells. Got along famously. Of course, that was just a stage name. They weren't actually brothers. That was a cover for their, um... alternative lifestyle.

twofer there. get to make a comment about sibling conflict and a gay "joke". this is my unimpressed face

MUSEUM GUIDE Oh, the Fox sisters – among the founders of Lily Dale. Kate Fox – quite troubled, apparently, but mesmerizing onstage. She's said to be able to levitate objects and foretell one's death. DEAN (to SAM) That's her. MUSEUM GUIDE Her older sister, Margaret – perhaps not a natural psychic. DEAN So, full of crap. MUSEUM GUIDE Yes, well... she didn't have her sister's charisma, but she looked after Kate. Sometimes, one's true gift is taking care of others.

Mulder : Scully, you know that face I just showed you? I'm making it again.

this show does like to beat us over the head with a point

MUSEUM GUIDE I’m sorry, I don't normally do this during business hours, but do you know an Eleanor… or an Ellen? She seems quite concerned about you. She wants to tell you – pardon me – if you don't tell someone how bad it really is, she'll kick your ass from beyond. You have to trust someone again eventually.

that's a choice. and you know i have very soft feelings about ellen. rude. get to invoke ellen (and my feelings!) without even using the actress's voice or likeness 😔 glad dean pushed to talk about their issues with sam

DEAN You almost got us both killed, so you can be pissed all you want, but quit being a bitch.

i feel like being pissed and being a bitch go hand in hand though

DEAN But, uh, hey. You never know. It's not like you can tell the future, right? MELANIE Hmm.

i admit i am not immune to the hopeful little boy face he just made (though it's unfortunate that things are still leaning orange)

no-drink not-so-scenic car date to talk about feelings

SAM What I'm saying is... I get why you did it. You were just trying to make sure no one else got hurt. But here's the thing. You can't just look me in the face and tell me you're fine. I mean, you're not sleeping, you drink for the record— DEAN Oh, here we go. SAM Look, whatever. Last one to preach, I know. But... Just be honest with me. How are those the actions of someone who knows they did the right thing? DEAN You want me to be honest? SAM Yeah. DEAN I went with my gut. And that felt right. I didn't trust her, Sam. Of course, ever since Cas, I'm having a hard time trusting anybody. And as far as how I've been acting... I don't know. Maybe it's 'cause I don't like lying to you. You know, it doesn't feel right. So, yeah, you got me there. I've been climbing the walls.

all right thank you. was it worth that fucking plotline dragging out for 5 episodes? mmm, hard no.

[orange-demons-deactivated2024]

Butter Tea

Bosch w. x gn! reader

i think i'm better at writing short stories than a big one. maybe i should go back to doing short stories. this is another morning with bosch. inspired by hozier-too sweet

Bosch sat at the kitchen table, sipping his cup of Butter tea as the rich aroma filled the air. 

Still groggy from sleep, you dragged yourself into the kitchen and made your way over to him.

You wrapped your arms around Bosch from behind, resting your face against his shoulder. He chuckled, setting his mug down as he leaned into you.

"Long night?" Bosch said as he glanced at you.

You nodded, tightening your grip. "Yeah, my head hurts. I couldn't get any sleep last night, no thanks to you." you murmured, voice muffled by his shirt.

"You're fine. It wasn't that bad."

"I don't want to hear it. I saw you sleeping like a baby this morning." you groaned.

He reached up to gently stroke your head. His fingers soothed the throbbing tension you felt.

"There's tea on the stove if you want. It'll probably help with your headache."  he said, taking another sip of his mug.

You let out a tired noise, but feeling Bosch's presence was already starting to dissipate your fatigue. So you pressed a kiss on the side of his neck and pushed yourself off of him to move towards the fridge. 

He caught your arm before you moved any further. "Hey, was someone here yesterday, when I was out?"

Uh oh.

"Um, I don't think so. It was just me ." Bosch's question halted you in your tracks, sending a wave of panic through you.

"Then why is half of my Yak butter missing."

Damn he noticed. Abort. Abort. "Oh, haha. Is it? How weird." You awkwardly chuckled. 

"You didn't notice? At all?" He raised his brow.

You shook your head. 

"So why is Yi Cheng's jacket here?"

No way.

You turned to see the man in question's jacket neatly folded by the door. He asked if you and Bosch had any Yak butter to spare to give to his father, since he was in the area. In exchange for your next three meals at Jumping Shrimp be free. 

In all fairness, you really should've asked Bosch. But you hoped to replace it before he came back. Sucks that it slipped your mind.  

"You know I wouldn't have minded if you gave some to Yi Cheng, but you should've at least told me first."

"I know, I'm sorry. I meant to run to the store before you caught on." Now feeling bad about the whole ordeal. 

"That's not the problem. The problem was that you wanted to hide it from me. When you didn't need to."

Well when he put it like that, it really did make you feel like a terrible human being. "I guess I didn't think of it that way." You said, adverting your eyes from his gaze. "But I am sorry for going behind your back."

Bosch stayed silent as he processed your words. Finally, he sighed, releasing your arm. "It's fine. Just make sure to tell me next time." 

"Of course." You replied rubbing circles on his back. 

He hummed, moving his arm around your waist to pull you closer.

You cracked a smile and wrapped your arms around his neck, making him engulf you in a hug.

"You're too sweet for me." you said, pressing a light kiss on his lips.

Hozier - Too Sweet

[thelovelybitten]

vera's first time watching south park -- season three (part 2)

i hate this character limit shit ugh but here u go <3

EPISODE 7:

lmao cartman just being a kid so cute

"BUT MEEEEEMM" never gets old

oh GOD SHELLY AS THE BABYSITTER this is about to be messy

OH FUCK SHE DECKED HIM INTO THE WALL

HOLY FUCK THEY IN THE WWE RN

NOT THE ULTRA WEDGIE

jesus CHRIST SHE JUST DOESN'T STOP

EYE. not the animal PORN GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE

CARTMAN BFFR U DON'T GIVE THAT MUCH CATNIP DSBFJKDSBKG

this man a pedophile... awks

jesus I can't with shelly she is BRUTAL

this song is...a choice.

I'm tryna feel bad for shelly but I can't

where the honk did all these cats come from

this cat subplot is so... weird I don't like it

okay. this ep was. a wild ride i'd say lol

EPISODE 8:

RANDY. JUST BC HE HANGS OUT WITH KYLE A WHOLE TON DOESN'T MEAN HE CAN'T BE BI OR SUMTH.... if they want to, they will. if the don't, they still besties. period.

BUTTERS' FIRST LINES <3 MY CHERISHED BABY BOY BJKSDFJBDSJBGDS HE IS HERE

pip kinda weird tho

what in tarnation is this game y'all

sharon pop AWF mom get KRUNK BITCH

the dads getting into the hot tub lmao

period gerald

these DADS I CAN'T DJBSFKJSDBGKB

gerald. just say ur into randy FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

this awk atmosphere YIKES

yo gerald WHAT THE FUCK DID U JUST SAY

oh wait this IS HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME AS LAST EP

cool ref

these people MAD WEIRD

STAN BEING AN ICON AS ALWAYS

wait WHAT THE FUCK THE DADS RLY DID THAT ??!?!?!?!??@?!/1/1? BE FUCKING FOR REALLLLL

RANDY ?!?2/2!?2?1

the PHOTO OF STAN FUCKING KILLS ME

randy and gerald got tension y'all...

BUTTERS HE'S A SWEET BOY SOBBING

oh god THIS SONG DOES SUCK

STAN AND BUTTERS :')

stan getting into the game werk

mr.mackey getting KRUNKKKKKK

randy in his homophobic era :/

GASP

"we all a little gay" SO TRUE BESTIE SO TRUE

NOT BUTTERS BEING DRAFTED AS SOON AS KYLE GOT THERE

style just reigns supreme ig

EPISODE 9:

IKE IN HIS LITTLE SUIT <3333333

this is also linked to the last two eps

SLAY KENNY

kenny listening so good meanwhile ike is having a MELTDOWN

I love the kyle/kenny dynamic it's so different but so refreshing

they could be bomb friends (but not as close as style)

IKE :"((((((

Kenny is just so cute

NOT KENNY GETTING THE BELL A BUNCH OF TIMES FKFBJDSSDKJBGJSB

kenny and kyle sfljbsajfbk they are hilarious

not the kid :(

Kenny sitting with his eyes open LMAO

KENNY MAKING HIS SOAP CARVING ON THE SPOT

NOT KENNY GET OUTTA HERE

kyle threw kenny under the bus little bitch

NO KENNY SDGBDSJBDSKBBK :(((((((((((

KENNY SAVE THE KIDS RN POP OFF MY SON

"SHIT." - KENNY MCCORMICK

the bears helping save the jew scouts w kenny and the squirts <3

GO KENNY GOOOOOOOO

NO KENNY'S DEAD :'(((((

oh my goD GOOD EP

EPISODE 10:

HALLOWEEN EPISODEEE

MY TRIO (stan, kyle, Kenny) those are my kids

okay but cartman is me tho

ayo KENNY WOULD WIN THE CONTEST DON'T DOUBT MY SON

is this a scooby doo reference? weird but okay ig

liane laughing at her own son LMAO

BRO WHAT NOT KYLE'S GRANDMA :'((((((

Y'ALL SICK FOR THIS

I feel so bad for kyle oh my god :'(

god the literal trauma kyle would go through for this

that's on god kyle we show respect in this house

NO NOT THE DOG EATING KYLE'S GRANDMA

what THE HELL CARTMAN NO

KYLE AND STAN <3 their costumes are so cute WHAT

SHERIFF STANLEY AND THE KYLE CLOWN AFJLDNSNKSJDG

YO KENNY'S ROBOT COSTUME ATE DOWN WHAT THE FUCK

real question: what money did kenny use to get this costume

sir u have money for maybe a pack of gum bffr

anyways

I'm ignoring this pirate ghost storyline/necrophilia storyline :/ it's weird

NOT STAN AND KYLE DON'T HURT THEM

excuse me...what

OH GOD NOT KYLE'S GRANDMA BE VOMITED BACK UP

the seizure warning was not mentioned OWCH

wenSLAY EATING THE COSTUME CONTEST AGAIN... SHE DOESN'T MISS EVER

EPISODE 11:

what in the pokemon ripoff is this

"but MEEEEEM"

DON'T STEAL FROM KENNY CARTMAN

no KYLE he's gonna be called OUT

GERALD KINDA ATE

no bc I don't think kyle's gonna keep up with the fads tbh

and here we go

no kyle resist

NO NOT KENNY GETTING A SEIZURE

god I feel for kyle so much

kyle, baby boy, ur doing great

why they FACES LIKE THAT STOP

WENDY ALSO IN ON THIS OMG SHE'S SO CUTE

WHAT.

oh lord this is a dumpster fire

cringe

DAMN STAN IS LOST

they ALL LOST

parents ate

kyle babe HAHAHA

DEAD "YET" PLEASE

nah this was the worst kenny death I almost vomitted

EPISODE 12:

A SPELLING BEE? interesting

I was good at the spelling bee in grade 4 fun fact

liane she's so CUTE

"what's a homeschooled kid?" kyle PLEASE

ate down y'all are fucked now

cartman: :D

KYLE FINAL 3 LET'S GO KIDDO

what the FUCK IS THIS WORD

"what's your name?" "what's in a name?" kyle's whipped for rebecca

KYLE OMG A KING

it's two nerds in love :')

he tried his best

NOT THE BUBBLE

Y'ALL EVERYONE BE LOOKING AT HAMSTER BALL MARK ODDLY BUT CRAIG IS FUCKING PISSED OFF LNDFNDLSNGL

craig: stupid hamster looking ass i'mma smash you like a lawbreaker typa beat

now they ALL MAD

the kids are unhinged but they my kids

kyle singing outside rebecca's window that's fucking cute as shit bro

rebecca: :|

kyle wanting to ask rebecca to the school dance PLEASE SAY STAN IS INVITING WENDY PLEASE

KYLE AND REBECCA ARE QUITE CUTE OKAY PLS

SHE JUST GRABS HIM

KYLE AND REBECCA ARE PLAYING DOCTOR AWE

KYLE U GONNA GET UR BRAIN CUT OUT BOY

KYLE HAD THAT RIZZ but rebecca is brain dead, it's OKAY MY BOY

shit this monkey killed my son

I'M CRYING KYLE AND REBECCA ARE SO CUTE

OH MY GOD THEY GONNA KISS FDBDFSJKBSDGBKGFSBKGDSS

STOP THEYYYYYYYY OH MY GOD FDSKJBGKJSDBBGKB this is so cute it's cavity inducing

kyle being the cutest to rebecca but stan FORGETTING WENDY ???? SO FUCKING WEIRD STAN stop beating on kyle for his little crush

YO WHAT THE FRESH HELL REBECCA ??? she's a child hooker ???? kyle is screaming into his pillow

not kyle getting the shit beat outta him

NOW Y'ALL WANNA BE TEAM MARK ??? VERY WEIRD

this ep was funny okay I'll admit

EPISODE 13:

omg STARVIN' MARVIN' IS BACK LET'S GOOOOOO <3

future viv note: my notes on this episode did not save but it was very good tbh, marklar.

also the star wars refs were funny too

kyle also slayed

EPISODE 14:

also rewatching bc notes did not save

OH RIGHT THE WAR REENACTMENT

style vs cartman

SMORE'S SCHNAPPS

adults drunk af

MESSENGER BUTTERS <3

"PROSPERITAH" "CONFEDERITAH" "AUTHORITAH"

"GIVE UP, FATASS THERE'S OVER 100 NATIONAL GUARD GUYS HERE"

"SUCK MY ASS" LMAO

STYLE SLAYED