#and I made myself a little yogurt cup | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hikarry · 9 months ago

Note

Aziraphale is a boba bitch send tweet

Can you imagine?

"This does not look like tea at all, Crowley."

"It is tea! Just-" He waves his cup around. "Ya know, new type of tea. Try it up."

Aziraphale looks down at the cup on his hand again. The orangy liquid looks back at him, expecting. Will you drink me, will you drink me not?

"What are the balls for?"

"Ah." Crowley was already drinking his tea, bursting one of the apple bobas with his back teeth. "You eat them. They are like...grapes, but made of tapioca. Really sweet. You'll love it. I chose orange for you. Beginners flavour and whatnot."

Again, the angel looks down at his drink. The orange little balls don't look apetizing at all.

"So...while you're drinking your tea, little balls just get sucked along with it into your mouth and you're supposed to pop them?"

"Yup." Crowley pops another one. "Give it a try. If you don't like it, I'll drink it myself. No waste of food and all that nonesense. Cmon." He nudges the angel with his shoulder. "Trust me on this one, yeah?"

Aziraphale looked up at the demon, trying to analyse his expression for any sign of malice, but found nothing. Just a joyful smile and a slightly raised eyebrow over his ever present sunglasses. Then, he looked down at the tea between his hands again and took a deep breath. There was a reason why he stood with the classics. He didn't like change and this bizarre beverage was changing his favorite drink into...into something mundane.

But, alas, he gave in. Took the straw on his mouth and sucked. The tea was good, he had to admit, but, even though he was expecting the little balls to make an appearence sooner rather than later, he still recoilled when 3 of them invaded his mouth without permission.

"Use your teeth to pop them."

He looked up at the demon sitting next to him, uncertain. Crowley's only response was taking his own straw on his mouth and suck the rest of his own tea and the couple of bobas that were left in the plastic cup. Defeated, Aziraphale used his tongue to position one of the small balls between his back teeth and, without giving it much time for thought, bit into it. There was a sudden explosion of orange flavour in his mouth and, surprised, he looked up at Crowley again, eyes big in awe.

"Good, hm?"

He didn't anwer. Instead, he poped the other two balls and went back to sucking on his straw.

"Wow, wow, wow! Slow down, angel!" Crowley held Aziraphale's wrist and pulled the cup away from his face, slipping the straw out of his mouth. "You are going end up chocking like that."

"I'm sorry, dear boy. But you were correct. This is delicious!" One, two boba popped inside his mouth. "By heavens, humans are so imaginative! Whatever shall they come up with next? Ice cream made of yogurt?"

"That already-" The demon took a deep breath, slightly shaking his head, before getting up from his seat. "C'mon. We can drink while we walk."

"But...what if I want more?"

"We can pass by the store and buy the ingredients. Boba tea it's not hard to make." He looked down at his (ridiculous) watch. "We're getting late to watch Macbeth at the Domnar Warehouse. You bought these tickets 3 months in advance. I'm sure you don't want to miss it?"

"Ah, yes!" Aziraphale finally gets up, hooking his arm on Crowley's and lowkey dragging him out of the store, boba tea still in hand. "The cast is magnificent! I've heard wonderful things about the actor playing Macbeth!"

"Uhum." Now arriving at where they had parked the Bentley, Crowley opened the door for Aziraphale. "I'm sure. Dinner on me after the show?"

Aziraphale, half inside the car half out, smiles up at him.

"If we stop by somewhere to buy the little balls for the tea first."

Crowley smiled back, rolling his eyes. No one was supposed to know he was rolling his eyes, but Aziraphale knew him well enough, and slapped his arm.

"Yes, yes. In you go, angel. I don't want to have you whining over getting late to the show again."

"You would never allow such a thing, my dear." The angel leaned slightly closer, laying a chaste and quick kiss on Crowley's lips, before fully entering the Bentley and closing the door himself.

Right. Yeah. Crowley would make him all the boba tea he ever desired for the rest of eternity if the angel kept kissing him like that.

#good omens imagine #good omens #crowley #aziraphale x crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #anthony j crowley #aziracrow #asks #anon

52 notes · View notes

whumpbug · 6 months ago

Text

HELLO!!! IT IS HERE!!! SCARAB CREW INTRO FIC!!!

i'm sorry it took so long guys i've been in a bit of a funk these last few days BUT i really wanted to post this!! i have much more planned for them but i am trying to pace myself because i've been struggling a little bit!

this also counts for early whumperless whump event day 23: well, that doesn't taste right @whumperless-whump-event (allergic reaction / anaphylaxis)

word count: 2507

see this post for info on the scarabs crew!

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

In hindsight, Hari probably should have told the team his allergies to start.

There just wasn’t a convenient time for him to do it. It felt weird.

He already felt their judging eyes on him because he was human. Humans weren’t necessarily looked down upon, but it was quite the common consensus that they had more biological flaws than most other races.

This was, of course, made worse by Hari’s precarious condition.

Introducing himself as the human missing a leg with a blood circulation disorder, an inflammatory lung disease, and food allergies was not something Hari imagined would get him much in the way of respect.

So, he stayed quiet.

After all the introductions and mission briefings came and went, everyone retreated to their respective rooms to settle in. A message over the intercom told Hari that Nyla, the pilot, was going to start making dinner.

He supposed now could be a good time to mention it. He remembered how to get to the kitchen, and Nyla should be in there cooking already, but Hari had just taken off his prosthesis. He didn’t feel like going through the trouble.

Besides, what were the chances that, out of all the things in the galaxy, Nyla made something Hari couldn’t eat.

An hour came and went before Nyla’s chipper voice came over the intercom once again.

“Food’s ready, everyone! Come on down to the kitchen!”

Hari perked up. Now that he thought of it, he was hungry. He hadn’t eaten anything more than protein bars and yogurt cups since the initial launch. An actual meal sounded wonderful.

He grabbed his crutches and began making his way to the kitchen.

As he walked through the halls of The Scarab, he couldn’t help but feel a bit astonished. Just a few days ago, he was on his home planet, Earth. Then, he was shipped off to Asto’is. Now, here he was, floating in space with a group of strangers towards countless unexplored territories and potentially dangerous star systems.

What a story he was going to have to tell.

He arrived at the kitchen and quickly saw he was the last to do so.

Captain Nieven Alaric, the Asto’isian, was sitting at the head of the table, typing away on his detpad. A cigarette was held loosely in his free hand, and he brought it up to his lips with a deep inhale. His brow was furrowed, like he was trying to figure something out.

Zel, the Huelxcan, was sitting towards the middle of the table, but her entire body was tensed up. She looked terribly awkward, like she’d rather be anywhere but there. Her gaze remained trained at a spot on the table, but upon Hari’s entry, she lifted her head. Hari met her eyes on accident and flashed a small smile, and he could have sworn she snarled at him.

Vinny, the Z’edin, was sitting opposite to Zel, but they looked significantly less uncomfortable. On the contrary, their knees were pulled up to their chest with their own detpad balancing on top. A peek over their shoulder told Hari that they were reading.. a scientific article? On biochemistry? For fun? That was perhaps scarier than the Huelxcan staring daggers at him from across the table.

And finally, indicated by the soft humming from the kitchen, Hari caught a glimpse of Nyla plating the final dish with her back turned to him.

Hari hadn’t seen many Haryen in his time. The race preferred not to make too much contact with the other PAGE territories, so seeing one out in the open felt odd.

Still, Hari didn’t need to know much about the race to know their signature trait—large crimson wings on their back with a span almost longer than their full height. Hari also didn’t need to know much about the race to know that this particular Haryen’s wings were not paradigmatic of her people’s.

Nyla’s wings were small and curled tight against her body. The muscles in them looked atrophied and shriveled, and even the way they moved with her body seemed off.

Nyla didn’t offer much of an explanation. She simply stated that she was born differently and left it at that. She didn’t owe anyone an explanation anyway; Hari figured. Still, it was not something someone saw every day.

Hari finally took a seat beside Vinny and rested his crutches against the edge of the metal table. Vinny’s gaze flitted to him before coming back to their detpad.

Hari risked another glance at their screen, and saw that not only were they finished with the first article, but they had moved on to another longer one. Hari had to ask.

“What’cha reading about?”

Vinny’s ears flicked at his voice. “Botany.”

“Botany?”

“Mhm. The first planet on the course is a forest planet, so I wanted to brush up.”

“I see—”

“Do you know much about botany? You’re the medic, after all. Figured you’ve at least taken some life science classes, but I don’t know how much time the curriculum would have spent on botany specifically.”

“Well, I was in highschool when—”

“I guess if it was a general biology class, the content would be broader, so you probably spent a little bit on each subsection. Still, I think botany is underappreciated. There’s so much to learn about a planet based on what kind of flora thrives in it.”

“I agree—”

“Plus, it can tell you so much about culture! Your planet, for example, has such a diverse ecosystem with so many different biomes. The different ways your people use the plants in each area is fascinating!”

“Thank you?”

“Not to mention—”

“Dinner is ready!” Nyla chirped, padding into the room with plates precariously balanced on her arms. Hari silently sighed in relief.

Nieven set down his detpad immediately and stood up to take two of the plates from Nyla.

“Thank you very much for making dinner, Nylath... Nylathrania.”

The syllables sounded clumsy on the Captain’s lips and a slight flush creeped up his cheeks at his fumbling.

“Oh please, just call me Nyla. Nylathrania is a hard one, even back on Harye.”

Nieven cleared his throat. “Very well. Thank you, Nyla.”

“It’s my pleasure! What better way to welcome you all onto my ship than good food?” She smiled and set a plate in front of each person at the table before taking her own seat next to Zel.

Hari smiled right back at her and, he figured he could try probing about the ingredients. Subtly, of course. “Yes, thank you, Nyla. This looks good! What is it?”

“Oh! I wanted to start with something pretty universally liked. It’s noodles with a darzel nut sauce, wozoik leaves, and some poultry from Earth! It’s pretty simple. I didn’t want to try anything too wild on the first night.”

Vinny, finally, lifted their head from their detpad and faced Nyla. ��You took the meat out of mine, right?”

“Mhm!”

Vinny’s tail swayed slightly and a slight smile overtook their face. “Thank you, Nyla.”

Hari suddenly felt very stupid. If the kid could let Nyla know about their dietary preferences, why couldn’t Hari?

Still, it was fine. Nothing she said was on his allergy list. He’d just let her know after this meal and everything would be fine.

Nyla picked up her fork. “Well, dig in everyone!”

And with that, they did.

Zel sniffed the food experimentally and swirled a forkful of noodles onto the prongs of the utensil before lifting it to her mouth. The usual scowl on her face lessened greatly and she turned to Nyla.

“You made this?” She said softly.

“...I did. Why? Is something wrong with it?” Nyla almost looked sheepish.

Zel said nothing. She simply turned her face back down to her plate and began scarfing down the noodles.

Vinny was following suit, tail swaying freely as they forked mouthful after mouthful into their mouth.

Nieven was a bit more polite. He ate slowly, and in small bites, but the enjoyment of the food was written all over his face in the way his eyes shone.

Alright, now, Hari needed to try it.

He scooped some of the noodles onto his fork, took a bite and—wow. If this was the kind of food he’d be eating for the next few years, he had no complaints.

The nutty flavor of the sauce was light and fresh, enhanced further by the aromatic greens. The chicken was juicy and flavorful, and the noodles were cooked to perfection. Hari’s eyes nearly rolled back into his head.

Nyla swallowed a mouthful of food and tapped her finger idly on the table. “So... How is everyone feeling about the trip so far?”

Vinny perked their head up. “So far it’s been interesting. Your ship is really cool. I can’t believe you fly it yourself.”

“I do! She’s my pride and joy.” She turned to Hari. “You’re somewhat of an aerospace engineer, right? What kind of ships have you worked on?”

Hari startled at his name and glanced up.

“Me? I’ve worked on a few. I worked mostly on airplanes, though.”

“Oh? So a bit different, then?”

Hari nodded and opened his mouth to respond, but found that his tongue didn’t move the way he intended it to. It felt tingly, like it was swollen in his mouth. He furrowed his brows.

“Sorry. I just— My throat feels weird.” He swallowed convulsively.

Nyla tilted her head and leaned forward to get a better look at him. Zel followed suit, sharing a glance with Nieven.

“Are you okay?” Nyla asked.

“I’m fine... I’m...” Hari swallowed again as an abrupt wave of nausea had him clamping his mouth shut.

Nieven suddenly turned his gaze to meet Hari. “Hari? Are you sure? You’re quite... flushed.”

Hari nodded and scratched at the side of his neck. Stars, when did it get so itchy?

And then it occurred to him. The way he was feeling—the way it felt like his throat was swelling and the way his skin felt too hot for his body—stars, he was allergic to the damn food.

Of all the foods in the galaxy! This delicious meal was one his body decided was a threat! He would have groaned if he could.

Instead, he let out a vaguely choked whine and clawed at his throat, desperately pulling at his collar to get some air. Hives were starting to break out along his arms and shoulders rapidly, and the heat was searing.

Everyone was staring at him now. Even Vinny, who had set their detpad on the table, was in a hurry to get a proper look at Hari.

“Hari?” Vinny questioned.

They stood and leaned over, scrutinizing his face. They looked like they were racking their brain for something. Hari truly hoped they were as smart as they came across, because he wasn’t sure he had the faculties to explain what he needed. With their knowledge on Earth and biology, they were probably Hari’s best bet.

They suddenly jolted with thought. “Anaphylaxis! Allergic reaction! That’s what's going on, isn’t it? Your symptoms match!”

Bingo. Hari nodded frantically, pulling in a wheezing breath. Shit, it really was getting difficult to breathe. He needed to do something—and fast.

“Allergic?! Why didn’t you say something earlier!” Nyla shrieked, practically leaping over the table to reach Hari. “What do we do?! You’re the medic!”

Hari wanted to tell her to relax and that it would probably be fine once he got his epi-pen, but he could quite literally feel his airways shrinking and he figured that might not be true for long.

Vinny tapped away on their detpad before whipping their head back up. “We have to give you epinephrine, don’t we? Where the hell are we going to get that?!”

Hari vaguely gestured to the bedrooms, hoping someone would get the hint. He had a small bright red first-aid kit in his luggage, left out in the open. Never had he ever been so grateful for his disorganized unpacking.

“On it,” Nieven muttered, racing toward the hall. Hari tugged at his collar once again, wheezing desperately. It felt like his head was going to explode now. He was sure he was quite the sorry sight with how red he felt his face getting. Not a very good first impression.

Finally, the captain came sprinting back with the little red pouch. He all but threw it onto the table and ripped it open, before realizing he had no idea what he was even looking for.

“Epi..pen..” Hari managed to rasp out, doubling over when another awful wave of nausea overtook him.

Vinny watched Nieven frantically search for a few more moments before grumbling and lunging over to snatch the pouch from him. They procured the item immediately and began to read over it.

“It’s a needle?”

Hari nodded, wondering why that mattered. He didn’t care if someone had to cut his other damn leg off to get the epinephrine in him—he just wanted to breathe.

Vinny uncapped the needle and hesitantly crouched beside Hari. They were moving at far too leisurely a pace. Hari shot a weak glare.

He would have done it himself, if he could. It’s just that his hands were numb. He could barely lift his arm, let alone have the dexterity to administer it properly. Maybe he should start having his epi-pen with him for every meal. Stars, his head was spinning.

“I can’t do it!” Vinny cried, suddenly pulling away.

“For fuck’s sake—” Zel plucked the pen from their hands, skimmed the directions, and plunged the needle directly into Hari’s right leg with no hesitation.

Hari had never been so grateful in his life.

In just a few moments, Hari felt his breath starting to come easier. He slumped back against his chair and gulped down sweet, sweet oxygen.

No one said anything for a beat. And then, Nyla smacked the back of Hari’s head.

“You idiot! If you’re allergic to something you need to tell me! What was your plan if we didn’t get the epi-pen in time?! I would have been responsible for manslaughter!”

Hari blinked. “I didn’t know I’d be allergic to it.”

Vinny stepped in and crossed their arms. “But you have existing allergies, yes? I could have done some research on how similar the food was to your allergens. Darzel nuts, for example, are remarkably chemically similar to peanuts.”

Oh. That explains it, then. Hari felt a blush creep up on his cheeks. He said nothing.

Nyla let out a soft hmph and pointed a finger at Hari. “After we clean up here and I make you something else to eat, you’re going to sit down with me and make a list of your allergies. All of them. This won’t happen again.”

Hari could tell she meant to be vaguely reassuring, but with the way she said it, it sounded like a threat. He gulped and nodded.

Vinny let out a soft laugh that doubled as a sigh of relief. “Welcome to the expedition, I suppose.”

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

#scarab crew #nieven alaric #hari khurana #nyla qifir #zel mixca #vinny l'aoh #oc fic #whumpfic #whump #whump community #allergic reaction #allergy whump #anaphylaxis #whumperless whump event day 23: well that doesn't taste right #whumperless whump event day 23 #whumperless whump event #lowkey. not too happy with how this is written #BUT WE MUST PERSERVERE!

20 notes · View notes

putschki1969 · 6 months ago

Text

2024/06/30 Blog post by Wakana 6月最後の日！〜皆さん、本日締め切りです‼︎＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／〜

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗Do NOT SHARE on other sites❗ ❗Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

Last Day of June!〜Everyone, Today is the Deadline!＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／〜

And just like that it's already the last day of June! I'm spending this day looking at photos of the gorgeous hydrangeas at Yokosuka Museum of Art ＼＼\٩( 'ω' )و //／／Amazing… they were in full bloom😳✨The days are getting longe and I really feel like it's summer��

Hello, this is Wakana(0￣▽￣0)／

I always feel energised by nature🌳

Well! Before starting with the big Sarushima arc, I'd like to talk about some of my fangirl activities from a while back😊These pictures are from April when I went to see "Detective Conan: The Movie 1,000,000" by myself. Before heading to the movie theatre, I had a special Kaito Kid collaboration ice cream at Baskin Robbins!! It was called "Kaito Kid's Jewel Sundae"🍨I went on a weekday morning so I was the only one in the store. When the sundae was brought to my table, the first thing I thought was, "it's huge!!"😂I immediately opened the acrylic coaster that came with the order so I could take a commemorative photo with the sundae📸It really feels like I was doing my very best to support my favourite character. By the way, this acrylic coaster is the same one that made a special appearance during my online after-talk event. It matches perfectly with my own acrylic stand😭 Amazing😭✨ There's a moon just like Kid-sama's trademark moon in the background, and our outfits are matching too😭 It's an incredible miracle😭✨

There were two types of ice cream to choose from, one of which was my favourite "Chocolate Chip"🍫 (unfortunately, it is no longer available…) The other one was a special limited edition "Detective Conan Yogurt-Berry Ice Cream"😊I took so many pictures, the sound of my "snap📸snap📸" echoed throughout the quiet store.

But… really… this sundae was huge!! 🍨🍨😂🍨🍨When I saw the whipped cream on top, I was worried whether or not I would be able to finish all of it. And as expected, I was struggling😇 By the time I got to the chocolate chip ice cream, my stomach felt a little bloated 😇 (or rather, I was craving something salty to make up for all the sweetness) But of course I ate it all!! And I was freezing!! (It was a chilly day) When I got to the bottom, I realised for the first time that Kid-sama was printed on the other side of the cup.✨

After eating delicious ice-cream and getting really cold, I headed to the cinema!! Once I was seated, I peeled Kid-sama off the back of my phone to take a took a picture 😂But thinking about it, I should have taken out the acrylic stand I got earlier 😭 How stupid of me😭Following an exciting and happy time watching a great movie, I went to Sushizanmai on the way home and ate my favourite torotaku maki🥰🍣I love torotaku!! ︎I want to start and finish my meal with torotaku 😻 (and have something grilled in between) Even though I love it so much, my photo doesn't do it justice🥺 But it still looks delicious 🤤 (at least in my opinion)

So, everyone, today is the last day of June which means it's the submission deadline for the talk topic of my next "Wakana's Talk Garden" Vlog which will be posted on July 10th! … Don't forget to stay hydrated and protect yourself from the heat♪

Until next time~☆( '▽')/

＊＊＊Wakana＊＊＊

2024/07/04 Instagram post by Wakana

Yesterday, I went to Yokohama Red Brick Warehouse to see Day 1 of "Everyday’s Omatsuri 2024"!! The venue is so big. For the first day of the event, live performances were held by the event's producer, ISEKI, alongside Simon Isogai and Yohei Hamabata. 🤗 The distance between the stage and the audience was small so it was an exciting and heated live performance. 😳💓Summer has finally begun…!! 🎐🌻🏝️🌊🌞See you all here on Saturday the 13th. ☺️(Source)

Title: “AirTrip presents Everyday’s Omatsuri 2024” Date and time:July 13, 2024 Open 18:30 / Start 19:00 Venue: Yokohama Red Brick Warehouse Performers: RYTHEM・Wakana Official site: http://omatsuridays.jp/

#kalafina #wakana #wakana blog #botanical land #fan club exclusive content #wakana on instagram #Everyday's Omatsuri 2024 #Everyday's Omatsuri

20 notes · View notes

marbummmy · 6 months ago

Text

We didn’t go to ihop today but they did make homemade Mac and cheese. I don’t even particularly like Mac and cheese but I cannot be rude so I told myself I would be excited for it and have some. If there’s one thing my ed hasn’t taken from me it’s my manners (well except with like my boyfriend and my mom). If someone makes something homemade and they ask me to try it then I’ll try a little tiny bit or if someone offers me more than once then I’ll try it.

I did have some of that Mac and cheese and I had some. Like a reasonable amount too. I’d say about half a cup. It was literally the best Mac and cheese I’ve ever had though so I’m actually glad I tried it and when I told my friends that they were super happy.

We also drank a lot. I haven’t drank alcohol in like 2 years and when I did it was just something strong in a diet drink. We made candy drinks though with jolly ranchers, sour candy, Malibu, and Smirnoff ice. It was pretty fun but I’m not going to drink any more on this trip. Idk how many calories it was. (I had 2 drinks). It’s not worth it.

Dried fruit (200)

Cheese and fake ham wrap (I used one of those fiber tortillas. I just could not have white bread) (215)

Fancy Yogurt Cup (170)

Mac and cheese (~500) absolutely no idea so a random guess

Alcohol (~500) an estimated guess

Chips (250)

I did eat SO much today but we did play volleyball, walk around the neighborhood, walk around the water park, swim and be somewhat active all day and I don’t feel huge and bloated so it should be fine. (I got 20k steps today)

Total ~1835

Burned ~2459

Tomorrow will be a much lower calorie day compared to today, especially because I won’t be drinking.

#€d diary #€dblr #⭐️ve #@n@ diary #€d #@nor3×14 #a4a diary

8 notes · View notes

mianyann · 1 year ago

Text

Absolution | Yoru x Reader

Chapter 3: "Revelations"

Beneath the blue sky, life pulsed within the heart of Valorant Headquarters. Agents, still battling slumber in their heavy-lidded eyes, flowed into the bustling dining hall. The clinking of plates harmonized with a symphony of breakfast aromas drawn from the corners of the globe. It didn't matter whether you craved the simpleness of a bagel or a five-star meal inspired by the distant shores of Fiji – breakfast was more than just a meal here; it was a ritual.

You entered the dining hall with a touch of shyness, immediately capturing the collective gaze of those around you. Their watchful eyes seemed to dissect you with intense scrutiny, focusing on each bandage and every wrinkle of concern. Instinctively, you sought to conceal your vulnerabilities, shielding them from the prying eyes of your newfound peers. Amid this sea of scrutiny, one island of comfort emerged - Neon.

With her peppy smile, Neon approached you, her white-haired companion, Jett, by her side. Her introduction was an explosion of unbridled enthusiasm. Despite the early hour, Jett extended a friendly hand in greeting, her groggy smile bearing traces of the just-broken morning.

"That must have been quite a morning surprise," Jett commented with a yawn, acknowledging the early hour. "Neon told me about what you've been through, and I can't even begin to imagine how terrifying that place must have been. I'm a little claustrophobic myself, but that's beside the point. If you ever need anything, rest assured we're here for you. You may be new, but we're all dedicated to making you feel at home."

You continued to stand there, ensnared in this whirlwind of introductions, your gaze shifting between Neon and Jett. Despite her morning grogginess, Jett's friendly demeanor was a welcoming sight. With a nod, Jett excused herself and made her way to an unoccupied seat. Her raised eyebrows and lingering gaze communicated her genuine interest in both you and Neon. As she enjoyed a piece of toast, you and Neon remained standing, connected by the warmth of your exchange and a sense of belonging you hadn't anticipated. It served as a reminder that, even though your past had been darkened by fear, here in the heart of Valorant Protocol, there was a glimmer of hope.

Neon, ever enthusiastic, guided you to an unclaimed table where she had laid out a simple yet inviting breakfast – a waffle beside a cup of fruit, a serving of yogurt with granola, and a steaming cup of tea. You regarded the meal with a mixture of weariness and eagerness, a poignant reminder of the nourishment you'd long been deprived of.

With genuine gratitude, you looked up at Neon and sincerely said, "Thank you." As you met her eyes, you couldn't help but notice the blush that graced her cheeks. Her already sparkling personality was further adorned by her radiant smile.

Phoenix sat at the end of the bustling dining hall, hastily devouring two pieces of toast topped with a fried egg while cradling a steaming cup of black tea. Breakfast had always been Phoenix's favorite, making him the first to rise and ravage the breakfast bar. He even had his designated plate for the occasion. On the opposite end of the table sat Fade, her slender fingers gently embracing a mug of black coffee while a modest bowl of blackberries waited for her attention. The room hummed with morning chatter.

As Phoenix gobbled down his meal, his amber eyes drifted toward Fade, who had been silently sipping her coffee. Their gazes collided, and with a mouth still full, Phoenix playfully pointed at a lone piece of toast remaining on her plate. "You gonna eat that?"

Responding with a sigh and an exasperated eye roll, Fade reluctantly slid the untouched toast toward him. Her attention shifted, turning toward the dining hall's open window. Outside, the naked trees swayed to the rhythm of the brisk autumn wind, their leaves having already surrendered to the inevitable descent to the ground. Fade couldn't help but smile, captivated by the chill in the air and the fading greenery. It was her favorite weather.

Letting out a contemplative sigh, Fade's gaze returned to the table, focusing on the hostage they had rescued the day before. She spoke softly, her voice laced with concern, "What a poor soul."

Phoenix, still chewing on his last bite of toast, nodded in agreement. Swallowing hard, he leaned in, lowering his voice. "Is that the Radiant?"

Surprise widened Fade's eyes as she snatched the fork from Phoenix's grasp, her fingers gripping onto his fork. "What do you know?" Her tone was both inquisitive and skeptical.

Caught off guard, Phoenix gulped and straightened up, clearing his throat before attempting to salvage his dignity. He pushed his now-empty tea cup aside. "I know nothing."

Unimpressed, Fade rolled her eyes and fixed her piercing gaze upon him. It was a scrutinizing look that could weaken even the most steadfast. Phoenix's resistance crumbled. "Yoru and I had a few drinks last night," he confessed reluctantly, "and we chatted about her. That's all. No harm."

Fade's sigh signaled her reluctance to pry further. She handed the fork back to Phoenix, though her concern still lingered. The image of Radiants, their ethereal light fading, piled together like refuse in her memory, haunted her. Fade spent all night pondering what it meant to die as a Radiant, their inner brilliance extinguished by an unknown force.

Yoru was the last person to drag himself into the bustling dining hall. He approached breakfast with apathy, often forgoing the meal entirely. Phoenix, with determination, took it upon himself to persuade Yoru into eating, well aware of Yoru's ability to go for days without food. At best, Yoru might relent to packaged ramen, per Phoenix's insistence, or nibble on a piece of fruit. Yoru's diet consisted mainly of steamed vegetables, fruit, and a small bowl of rice, avoiding almost everything else.

On this particular morning, Yoru strolled into the dining hall, attracting a different kind of attention. Rather than admiration, onlookers gazed at him with a mixture of disgust and concern. His usually well-groomed appearance was conspicuously disheveled. From the unruly mess of his hair, to the shirt he'd put on backward and inside out, to the bunched-up sweatpants and mismatched sneakers, Yoru appeared to have been caught in a whirlwind. The room seemed to sigh collectively at the sight of him.

Unfazed by the disarray of his friend, Phoenix, heaving a resigned sigh, made his way to Yoru. His voice carried a hint of amusement as he playfully observed, "You're a wreck."

Yoru's brows knitted together in a blend of shock, annoyance, and confusion at Phoenix's straightforward comment. With a casual arm draped over Yoru's shoulder, Phoenix guided him toward Fade and his usual table. There, he firmly seated Yoru, who displayed the same blank expression as he did when he was about to take a shot. Phoenix rolled an apple toward Yoru, positioning it beside a plate of toast. His intentions were clear: he wasn't going to tolerate Yoru's intermittent fasting any longer.

Phoenix quipped with a smile, "I'm not dealing with you not eating again. You can't maintain that physique of yours, and you won't be much of a ladies' man without it."

Fade, though slightly exasperated by Yoru, couldn't help but feel a pang of concern as she observed his condition. She knew that he had been the one to accompany the hostage and had probably seen things that were hard to shake off.

Yoru, sitting before his pitiful piece of toast, had yet to react to the morning's developments. The table remained wrapped in silence, except for the background chatter and the clinking of utensils. Phoenix, aiming to break the silence, turned the conversation toward their upcoming day off.

He inquired, "What are your plans for the day, mate?"

Fade, looking up from her mug, answered with a relaxed demeanor, "I'll be tending the gardens with KAY/O and Sage. I'm surprised Sage is getting a day off after everything that's happened."

Yoru winced at the reminder of the previous day's mission. His fork pierced through the toast, causing both Phoenix and Fade to redirect their attention to him. Yoru raised his wide eyes, issuing a nearly inaudible apology as he leaned back in his chair, arms folded.

Phoenix let out a nervous chuckle, breaking the silence that had settled around them. "Uh… what about you, mate? What are you doing today?" His voice wavered with unease, a stark contrast to the weight of the day's events.

Yoru, still carrying the burden of his thoughts, sighed and shook his head. "Probably going to the range to practice a bit on my own." He emphasized his solo venture, typically having Phoenix as his company, but he couldn't help but notice that Phoenix didn't appear troubled by the prospect.

With a reassuring smile, Phoenix turned his focus to Yoru, concern etched into his expression. He knew that Yoru was putting up a front, and he didn't want his friend to bear the weight of recent events alone. Phoenix reassured Yoru that he understood more than he let on.

Neon marveled at your ravenous appetite, never having met a girl with such an insatiable hunger. Plate after plate of breakfast foods from around the world disappeared before you. She tried several times to slow you down, her thumb finding its way into her mouth as she contemplated whether to intervene.

"Uh… why don't you save some for lunch and dinner?" Neon suggested, her brows furrowed with concern. "We take meals very seriously here… maybe we can find you a little snack or some water." But her words fell on deaf ears, and it took Neon physically taking your plate away to make you realize just how full you were. You let out an audible sigh, sinking into your chair as drowsiness washed over you from the overwhelming meal.

Unbeknownst to you, curious eyes had been locked onto you from the surrounding tables, casting a light shade of embarrassment across your cheeks. Neon, perceiving the situation, shot a knowing look at her fellow agents, prompting them to divert their attention back to their own meals and conversations.

With a warm smile, Neon offered you a napkin to clean the smudges of food from your face. Shyly, you tucked your body in, your gaze fixated on the blank table before you.

Neon took your hand and leaned in closer, her tone inviting. "So, today is our off day. How about we do something fun?" Her enthusiasm was infectious, and you couldn't help but nod, your voice soft as you replied, "That would be… fun."

Neon remained unfazed by your reserved demeanor, fully aware of the challenges you faced adapting to this new life. She brainstormed ideas eagerly, sharing her plans with you, "We can hang out in the common room, meet some of my friends. Oh, and we can hit the range and try out our weapons, although I might need to run that by Brimstone. But he probably won't mind."

While Neon continued to express her suggestions, your mind wandered back to the man you distinctly remembered seeing. His image was etched in your memory, right down to the color of his shoelaces. You met Neon's eyes with newfound determination, saying confidently, "I know what I want to do today."

Bullets flew, ricocheted, missed, hit. Magazine filled, trigger pulled. Yoru had spent hours in the shooting range. Whenever something weighed heavily on his mind, he found solace in the rhythmic chorus of bullets piercing the training bots' heads. He took an occasional drag from his cigarette, a habit reserved for stressful times, as he honed in on his target. A clean shot rang out as he sighed, setting his gun against a barrel and leaning against the shooting booth.

His cigarette was discarded, and he removed his jacket, neatly folding it and placing it on his lap. Fingers ran through his unruly hair as he reflected on that fateful day, the day he found those lifeless bodies, the day he found you. It played over and over in his mind, a puzzle he couldn't quite solve. He wasn't preoccupied with you, but rather the enigma of the Radiant race, the notion of their Radiance withering away, leaving only a decaying vessel.

Yoru's own memories surfaced, of the time he'd been discovered by the protocol, battered and teetering on the edge of death. He had needed days to recover under Sage's watchful care. But he also remembered his early days within the protocol, a time when he was seen as a weaker link. He was the subject of ridicule, his fellow agents doubting his ability to perform under pressure. It was this distrust from his peers that had made him lose respect for them. Yoru preferred working alone, saving others only when it served his interests. Phoenix was the lone exception, the only one he believed genuinely cared for him. Yet, even with their friendship, Yoru couldn't entirely trust him.

At the range's entrance, Yoru's attention was drawn to a blue-haired girl ascending the steps. She crossed her arms and questioned him, "Where have you been hiding?" Yoru scoffed and began packing up, grabbing his jacket and Vandal as he approached her. "I was just leaving."

But the girl placed her hand on his chest, halting him in his tracks. "That girl wants to meet you." Yoru's demeanor changed, and he took a step back, his gaze piercing into hers as he cleared his throat and assumed a stern expression. "I'd rather not. I have better things to do."

The girl, Neon, chuckled lightly and crossed her arms again as she looked up at Yoru. "Like what? Going on your 5th date? You can't keep walking out of these situations." Yoru shook his head disapprovingly as he hung up his gun, put his jacket back on, and made his way toward the exit. But Neon caught up behind him and grabbed his sleeve. Yoru instinctively pushed her hand away, turning to face her, his eyes locking onto hers.

Neon shifted her gaze to the side as she spoke, "She has no friends here, she's barely making friends with Jett, and everyone else seems put off by her. I don't know if you've ever experienced something like that, but when I joined Valorant, it was the same for me. It's not easy, and I'd really appreciate it if you could help her out a bit." Yoru felt a trace of sympathy for you but couldn't bring himself to truly care. Neon's eyes softened as she looked at him, her unspoken plea echoing in her gaze. Yoru sighed and turned to walk away, his voice low, "I can't."

Neon watched as Yoru walked away, her eyes following him until he disappeared from view.

Sage knocked on your door gently, causing it to creak open just slightly, allowing a thin sliver of light from the hallway to pierce through and dance across the cold, dark room. Her presence was a soothing contrast to the somber atmosphere as she observed you, seated at your desk, engrossed in the profiles of the various agents within the protocol. With an amused chuckle, she remarked, "I see you're adapting well, aren't you?"

You swiveled your chair around to face her, the faintest trace of a smile gracing your lips upon hearing her comforting voice. "Doing my best," you replied, before returning your attention to the screen, which displayed a wealth of information meticulously curated by Brimstone.

Sage moved closer, placing a glass of water on your desk before her hands found their place on her hips. She spoke softly, her words carrying the warmth of understanding. "Neon told me about what's been happening." You sighed, the ephemeral smile giving way to furrowed brows as you fought back the emotional turmoil within you. "I don't know what I've done wrong, but it seems like not many people like me here."

Sage sighed in response, her empathy evident. She lowered herself into the chair beside you and extended her hand, her fingers finding your shoulder with gentle reassurance. "It's not that no one likes you," she assured. "We're all very cautious about new members joining the protocol. The past breaches have left a lingering sense of vigilance, but as time passes and trust develops, that apprehensiveness will gradually ease."

Before leaving, Sage stopped in her tracks with her hand resting on the doorknob. She turned to face you once more, her eyes filled with a sense of compassion and understanding. "There's a meeting in the common room at 6. Everyone will be there. I believe it would be the perfect opportunity for you to meet everyone."

You turned your gaze to meet Sage's, a grateful and determined smile playing upon your lips as you nodded. "I'll be there."

Sage acknowledged your commitment with a nod before finally departing, leaving you with newfound determination. You resumed scrolling through the agent profiles, but one name in particular caught your attention and refused to release its grip on your thoughts: Chamber.

The dormitory held a somber atmosphere, heavy with the weight of the day's tumultuous events. Phoenix's voice cut through the silence, its accusatory edge echoing off the room's walls. "You did not."

Yoru, seated at the edge of his bed, met Phoenix's eyes. A flicker of defiance danced in his gaze, his arms crossed as he observed Phoenix securing the door behind them. The room settled into an uneasy stillness as Phoenix paced back and forth, his frustration palpable.

Phoenix's exasperation peaked as he pinched the skin between his eyebrows and muttered, "That was our one opportunity to get some information about what happened, and you fumbled it."

He let out a heavy sigh, his gaze lifting to the ceiling as laughter bubbled from his lips. It was a nervous, almost hysterical chuckle that seemed to drain the tension from his body. In a fit of emotion, he flopped onto his own bed, across from where Yoru sat. Yoru's expression contrasted with Phoenix's emotional turbulence; he regarded Phoenix's emotional rollercoaster with a lighthearted smirk.

Between his smirk and light-hearted chuckles, Yoru sought to clarify his stance. "I don't want to talk to her, that's all."

Phoenix turned his head slightly, propped up on his elbows, his voice matter-of-fact. "Why? What's wrong with talking to her?"

Yoru, sighing contently, finally achieved a moment of clarity. He reached for the bottle, pouring himself another shot and addressing the issue directly. "It's a waste of time."

Yoru leaned back, taking a sip and sighing, his thoughts weighing on him. It was evident that Yoru was grappling with his own internal struggles.

Undeterred, Phoenix was determined to get to the bottom of this. He seized his shot glass, filled it to the brim, and slapped his palms together to propose a challenge. "You think she's pretty, don't you?"

Yoru responded with a deadpan expression, his demeanor unwavering. "Not one bit."

Phoenix was taken aback by the unexpected response and couldn't help but laugh heartily at himself. However, as he noticed the unwavering seriousness in Yoru's gaze, he grinned widely. "Oh, you're serious. Well, I think she's pretty cute, in my opinion."

Yoru took another sip from his glass before placing it back on the table. "She smelled horrible when I found her."

Phoenix stared at Yoru in disbelief, as the stark reality of the situation weighed on him. "Well, no shit, she was in there for days."

Yoru's apathetic demeanor since the discovery concerned Phoenix. He couldn't help but sense that something deeper was troubling his friend, especially as Yoru had let go of his usual meticulous grooming habits. Clearing his throat, Phoenix set down his glass and straightened up with determination. "We're talking to her."

Yoru crossed his arms, locking his gaze onto Phoenix, unyielding. "I told you—"

Phoenix immediately cut him off, knowing Yoru was drawn to challenges. "First one to get her digits gets the bottle." Phoenix pointed to the bottle of sake, holding it up as a coveted prize.

Yoru's eyes locked onto the exquisite bottle of pure sake. He couldn't resist a good competition. With a competitive glint in his eyes, he looked back at Phoenix and declared, "You're on."

#yoruxreader #yoru x reader #yoru #valorant #gekko #neon #chamber #fade #valorantfanart #valorant art

18 notes · View notes

foreverwannnabe97 · 11 months ago

Text

Total is 697 cals today.

I made a chocolate pb yogurt cup for a dessert so I could at least have a chocolate pb thing but healthier. I'd rather have my intake be a little higher and satisfy my craving rather than totally lose all control and fuck the day up.

It's so hard to tell myself that for some reason. Like I need to allow myself to have the chocolate pb snack and tell myself it's okay and the day isn't ruined with a 200ish calorie healthyish dessert 🙃

#tw ana diary #anatumblr #ed not sheeren #ed meals #low cal restriction #ana meal #low cal meal #ed bullshit #4norexi4 #mealsp0

17 notes · View notes

spressocup · 1 year ago

Text

Fighting back against my disordered eating and embedded diet culture mindset: DAY ONE

This morning, I was REEEEALLY HUNGRY. But I told myself "noo you can't eat yet, you don't need breakfast, wait until lunch!"

I was so fed up (bad pun, unintended) that I got on YouTube and watched some shorts made by Colleen Christensen. Her videos show me what my disordered mind wont: that obsessing over calories, setting up complicated rules around food, and imposing a sense of morality around certain food choices is just so JOYLESS and LIFE-DRAINING. Not only that, but it makes an impression on the little ones who look up to us.

So, watching these videos gave me the courage to eat breakfast after chapel. And then, something *wonderful* happened. The student association was handing out free donuts!!! I was overjoyed, and I ate that doughnut without ANY sense of fear, guilt, or shame. It was the most magical experience, and I bonded with a friend over the simple joy of enjoying a doughnut. After that, I got a sandwich that had BACON on it. REAL. BACON!!! I put half and half in my coffee instead of skim or almond milk, and I didn't even think about estimating how many teaspoons of it were in my cup.

Later, I wanted some ice cream. So I made a trip to the grocery store, and this trip was a shopping experience like I've never had before. Why? Because instead of overthinking what has the fewest calories and should I get the diet version, I just grabbed whatever looked like it would be tasty and nourishing and make me feel good. There was produce and greek yogurt, but also ice cream and noodles! And every item, both healthy and no-so-healthy, was one that I love to eat. I've never felt more fulfilled walking out of a grocery store.

The amazing thing about all of this is, I spent less time than ever thinking about food today, and I didn't eat any more than I would have if I'd obsessed over macros and restricted myself from fear foods like donuts and bacon.

Today has overall been a much better day. I took a long walk and didn't look at how many calories I burned. I bought a container of yogurt without checking out how much added sugar was in it. I hope I can continue like this. There is still a voice in my head saying I'll lose control and "let myself go" if I'm not obsessing over what I eat.

But when I look around, I see so many of my peers who eat what they want without playing mental games and they are all just fine. If so many people are doing alright without micromanaging their nutrition, then so can I.

#recovery #intuitive eating #anti diet #diet culture #mental health

20 notes · View notes

rgr-pop · 11 months ago

Text

meal plan text asmr

i normally have breakfast at work because of my proton pump inhibitor. tomorrow i wfh the morning to do a training so i’ll be having sesame toast with a boiled egg, feta, and whatever pickle and veg looks good. then for the rest of the week’s breakfasts i have one yogurt (lucas found me the icelandic coffee yogurt!!) and friday morning tbh, probably the last of my ezekiel toast with communal work peanut butter unless i pick up cottage cheese/yogurt. today i worked remotely at a coffee shop and i grabbed a bad scone, RIP. (adding to shopping list: ezekiel bread, greek yogurt, cottage cheese, bananas, the icelandic coffee yogurt but that’s only at whole foods.)

at work right now i’ve been having paramount (local brand) k cups that corey gifted me. i got him a gift card for the new downtown coffee shop so he can grab it between his bus job (he herds teenagers for the school public bus program. his real title is abussador :)) and he got me k cups for my work. i froth half and half to dress up the k cup, and my coworker brought in half and half she needs used up, so i don’t need to bring mine. (another week before i have to buy more.) i hate using the disposables and am considering literally committing to work french press like an absolute psycho—i just can’t get myself enough time before work to make and bring it from home and the refillable k cups will do but are gross. if you have to survive a keurig at work i recommend nasty refillables + steaming and frothing milk. i have half a bag of not great beans at home. I’ve been spending more on nicer beans for home and it has been worth it, but I am still not quite sure what I like. (on shopping list: coffee beans, decaf beans for winter evening treats.)

came home with a coffee shop noise pollution migraine and made myself cheese ramen with cilantro, sesame seeds, green onion, and a side of this week’s pickled carrot slaw. ramen made two servings for me. it was the last of my shin black and third to last slice of ramen cheese. my cilantro will last another weekend and i have at least week’s worth of parsley and green onions. (adding to the shopping list: shin black, cheese singles, frozen corn, and since i’m thinking about it, shredded mozz for buldak/corn cheese.)

for lunches wednesday-friday i will have dumplings from the freezer (the ones i made and some other ones i have), leftover ramen, and a carrot and cucumber salad (my last two fresh salad vegetables, but i will probably wait out purchasing more). to prep tonight: jar of dumpling sauce, salad. (dumplings are already on my shopping list when i see some that look good. adding dumpling wrappers—making and freezing them was so worth it, but i felt like making the dough wasn’t.)

complicating factor: i should make myself something sweet to keep me out of the vending machines at work. at home i’ve been having what i believe to be yaourti me meli (greek yogurt, walnuts, honey, cinnamon?) but i’m out. i’d like to make a second french yogurt cake to compare it to the other recipe, but again, out. i would also also like to make a coffee cake type food for someone coming over saturday afternoon. do i make a little loaf cake with what i have tonight to get me through the week and then a second thing then? do i have friday plans? if i bake a little quick bread or pound cake for myself tonight it will really cut down on my food ruminations. (adding to shopping list: greek yogurt, walnuts, honey, dried fruit, butter.. baking supplies need inventorying but i’m almost sure i have enough of the basics.)

what am i having for dinners? i need to minimize the chance that i spend any non-grocery money before next week—i will be having a crazy week and likely blowing money i don’t have. tonight i’m having leftover cannellini beans cacio e pepe (‼️ make this ‼️). i have enough beans (although running low) to continue having beans meals, but i really really really desire to put my beans meals on potatoes. (‼️ fusion jacket potatoes ‼️ make this ‼️). matias made these perfect black beans with pork and salsa verde and it’s all i can think about. can i pull this off with freezer bacon… i have enough of a serrano to get me through. (adding to shopping list: russet potatoes, garlic, sour cream, avocado, cheap canned black beans, decent looking dried black beans, slightly nice italian brand butter beans and cannellini beans, bell pepper, tomatillos, tomatoes, mexican oregano, sweet potato, pork?? i will put this on my list but never buy it.)

i would also like to make salmon rice bowls with avocado, pickled veg/carrot slaw, cucumbers, etc. to use up my freezer salmon. i would prefer to wait to do this til i’m keeping salad greens (leftover salmon for salads is key for a working woman…)

in two weeks i will make something for a certain someone’s birthday and batch up some granola. i’ve been wanting to try making coffee granola. i also have to make a lasagna before the end of winter this year or i must be executed.

what i’m bringing to work tomorrow for the rest of the week: salad, bags of dumplings, ramen, cilantro (packed separately), one boiled egg, one yogurt, dumpling sauce and any other condiments that look good, and a sweet if i can pull it off.

the question i can only answer for myself tomorrow at 4pm: am i going to the grocery store?

#grocery influencing #food

9 notes · View notes

pbandjesse · 3 months ago

Text

Today was a good day. I hate that I was so anxious about it. There was no reason for that.

I slept. Fine. Not the worst, not the best. I just couldn't find a good temperature and wasn't as comfortable as I would have liked. When James got up I ended up rolling into their side and stretching out but even that didn't help a ton. Just not the best sleep.

I heard James leave. And dozed for another hour. When I got up I was trying very hard to psych myself up. I got dressed and felt fine. I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast. I wrapped my gift of that tortoise painting for Celia. I put the stickers for the flag house in my purse. I laid on the couch. I waited until it was time to go.

I made the meeting time 10. Which is when their museum opens. It is only 7 minutes away but I still left around 940 because I was so nervous about parking. But I would luck out again and got a great parking space. Which made me way to early. So I just chilled in the car for a bit.

I would finally walk over. I stopped to take some pictures of my sticker outside so I could make a post on Instagram about it. And then I was going inside. And they were so excited. They gave me a check. And we talked about the process and the images and their hopes for the future. It just made me feel so happy. Chris, the man who had originally commissioned me, said that when they send out their newsletter my sticker is going to be the first big topic about the gift shop. Amazing. I counted out the stickers to make sure they were all there. And I actually had 53 instead of just 50. So I would keep 1. Which made me very happy. I'm so glad I got to work with them and I hope I can keep finding these opportunities.

I would leave there a few minutes after I got there. And stopped at the little free library and got James a book about modern art masters. Which seemed pretty sweet. And decided I would go to second chance to see if they had anything for the baby room.

I was annoyed with myself when it realized I didn't have my earbuds in my purse. I was going to have to raw dog the store with my own thoughts?? Terrible. But I ended up having a few sweet little conversations with the old guys in the store. And it would be fine. I didn't find anything I wanted to buy but it was fun to look around. Even if I got sweaty and felt tired pretty quickly. So I went home.

When I got back here I would hang out with sweetp and had some yogurt and laid on the couch. I was meeting with Celia at 1. So I had time to just chill.

I had been wearing my doc marten boots for the morning (I'm trying to break them in) but they really hurt my feet so I knew I would be changing for the afternoon. But I chose my doc marten sandals which honestly aren't much better and I would still end up with blisters. Stupid. I should have worn socks but it's fine. I would mainly be fine.

I would take a very bizarre way to the zoo because I missed my exit. Oops. But I still beat Celia there. I waited for her outside the entrance. And was able to use my BMI membership card to get us in for free! So that was exciting. I would still end up spending $40 but it's for her birthday so it's fine.

We started with penguins. And then to see the bears. Which me and James had missed on Monday. I think that's what I enjoyed the most, we got to focus on different stuff. And I really had a lot off fun.

We got lunch. And I made a last second decision to get pizza but I regretted it and would end up wrapping most of it in napkins to put in my purse. I really enjoyed the fries. And I got another souvenir cup. And the girl in the back yelled over to me that she made sure I got the lion one!! She kept saying it and it was hilarious to me and made it worth it.

We had a nice meal though and continued on. Celia kept saying I was moving to fast because I was moving from window to window to try and catch the animals but she would literally run to stuff when she thought something was happening so it was just funny. We would get to see the elephants respond to calls. And deer in their enclosure which they chased. We had great otter action. And the bobcat! I really had a good time. We went in the aviary too which was really nice. We spent a lot of time on birds honestly. But it was really great.

We overheard a weird conversation with a girl who apparently works at the Huston zoo. She was chatting with a volunteer and made a snotty comment about how much better her zoo is. And like yeah I've heard great things but also, you aren't be a very good ambassador? You being snotty isn't making me want to try and see your zoo. But whatever. We got away from that pretty quick.

We made sure to see as many turtles as we could. Celia works with turtles now so it was fun getting to what she knew about different ones. And I was having fun but my feet were starting to hurt and I was running out of steam. So we started heading back towards the front.

We got to see the last penguin feeding of the day. Celia got to ask some questions. We got to learn that their oldest penguin is 33 years old!! Which is how old I am!!! Crazy. But it was fun seeing them eat.

We stopped at an ice cream truck on the way out and got milkshakes. Mine was actually a float but they mixed it so it was more like a creamsicle shake but it was still good.

We were going to take the tram back but no drinks allowed so we walked up the hill. Even though I was huffing and puffing a little. I made it and as we were leaving we got to see a raccoon on a trashcan! Which honestly may have been my favorite part. Love a random raccoon walking all over the scarecrows they have set out for Halloween.

Celia walked with me to my car so I could give her the painting gift and she really liked it! Made me happy. I also gave her some rocks. They were nice ones! She gave me a hug and we said goodbye.

I was honestly at the end of my energy. I didn't feel amazing and really really wanted to go home. Of course there was going to be traffic but I made it home by 430.

When j got back here I had a few things I needed to do. Specifically I wanted to finish the best in the teddy bear hospital. I had cut out the hat and pillow that needed to be made. And pulled out my sewing machine to do that. And while I was finishing that James came home. I was very happy to see them.

They jumped in to doing laundry. And I finished the bear and I'm very happy. I sent off some photos to the owner and I hope she likes him too! (She would text me later and said she'll come check him out next weekend at the market!)

I would come upstairs to clean up my nails. Cut my cuticles and filed them into a better shape. And then I took a quick shower. Which made me feel slightly better.

But I mostly just wanted to be in bed. And I would hang out in bed for most of the evening. James would work on their laptop. And come and talk with me. They brought me the package I got in the mail. Which is a little id bracelet but it came in a huge box which I was baffled by and could only laugh at.

Eventually James brought me a cupcake. Sweetp stole some of it and got crumbs everything. James showered. And is now folding laundry. And I am fighting to keep my eyes open. I am tired!!

Tomorrow I'm going to be at the farmers market. And then in the evening I'm going to have dinner with Callie and I'm very excited to see her. It's been to long!!

I hope you all have a great night. Sleep well. Be safe. I love you all. Good night!!

2 notes · View notes

thalassarche · 1 year ago

Text

So, I'm sleepless at 1am and I'm tired and I'm upset so I'm going to get out the shit that has been going on for me the past month and a half, because it keeps leaking out in tags and I guess maybe I should not do that. This is going to be long and it's a huge bummer. I just don't feel like I can come out and talk about it directly to anyone because it is indeed a huge bummer and I just. can't deal with like. the feeling of unloading this on someone and then what. but throwing it into the tumblr void and hiding it behind cuts feels less like I'm throwing a bunch of gross stuff at someone's feet so like, yeah. Content warnings for uh, facing the mortality of aging parents, the American healthcare system being a fucking nightmare, mentions of strokes, infections, and other huge medical problems, and basically stuff being awful.

I have lived with my mom as her caregiver for the past three years, since losing my job during covid. She is six years in remission from breast cancer, diabetic, and in end stage renal failure, meaning her kidneys don't work and she needs hemodialysis 3 days a week. I came in mostly to do things like shopping, the majority of cooking and cleaning, be present in case of falls, things like that. It's worked out, mostly. It sucks that she had to move to AZ to live near her brother simply due to the fact that her cozy little house in MT that she got remodeled to her needs has no dialysis centers within an hour's drive and the closest ones had no open seats anyway, not even for a summer stay, because of the nationwide nursing and technician shortage in healthcare. So she lives in AZ and goes to dialysis 10 minutes away. It works out, sorta. But. Since August 1st:

she had a stroke, which affected the language centers of her brain and made speech, writing, and complex communication difficult

she spent a week in neuro ICU for follow up; this was at a hospital 20 miles away in Phoenix. yes I drove there every day to see her.

she was transferred to a rehabilitation center after that week, where she had several good days but then started to experience severe lower back pain.

the back pain got so severe that she was crying and even screaming when being helped into/out of bed, or having the head of the bed elevated so she could eat.

myself and her other present family were very upset about this, because she was in pain! and also it was preventing progress in her PT/OT after the stroke! we wanted them to do something and find out what was going on!

an xray was done. "no significant findings."

we asked for a CT scan or MRI if an xray found nothing.

it didn't happen. maybe insurance said no, maybe assumptions were made that it wasn't necessary.

but mom spent the rest of her 15 days at that rehab facility on tylenol and then oxycodone.

she was then discharged, and yet in no state to come home.

we found a short-term care facility for her that she'd actually stayed at after her initial ER stay that discovered her renal failure. we thought that she'd do okay there.

she didn't. she declined. she was still in severe pain. MWF for her dialysis, she was basically just, done. and they had scheduled her dialysis at 6am. so. the day was just over, no ability for therapy.

they still just gave her oxycodone so even on good days she was sleeping a lot and very out of it.

we asked to speak to the physician and her case worker. we were not able to.

we asked for her to get further testing instead of just this pattern of throwing narcotics at her and watching her decline. it didn't happen.

at the end of her second week there, she was becoming less responsive and more inclined to just sleep.

she wasn't eating. I tried so hard to encourage her to eat, I even fed her. she still would eat a few bites and then be uninterested in more.

one day she only ate a cup of yogurt.

then she was so badly out of it and barely responsive that I demanded that they do something. so they gave her narcan. because maybe she was too lost in the oxycodone sauce. didn't help, they gave her more. didn't help. they called EMTs.

she ended up in the ER, where they did a CT, MRI, and bloodwork.

(this was a week ago)

turns out she has an infection in her spine. which is osteomyelitis, an infection in the bone and bone marrow that just constantly hurts. oh also numerous pressure sores, including a bad one on her heel, and a bad one on her lower back. either could have introduced the infection into her spine.

that infection has spread to her blood. yeah she's got sepsis.

she also has had at least one additional stroke and her speech has degraded even further.

she spent several days in the ICU and it was very touch and go.

it is still very touch-and-go but she's now in progressive care (pcu) which is a downgrade from ICU in terms of how serious.

but yeah. sepsis is very dangerous for young and relatively healthy people. she is 74. her diabetes means her healing is very slow. her renal failure means that her system can't handle a heavy load of antibiotics so they have to be given more spaced out and in lower doses.

it. sucks.

I still go to see her every day and talk to her even if she's not responding. I sing songs she knows. I put on videos of the church services in her hometown for her to listen to. - it. sucks. so. much.

oh yeah also her place here in AZ is in a retirement park and I can only be here because she resides here. so if something happens even in terms of her moving her permanent residence elsewhere I can't stay here.

I have no income I basically just lived here with her and she covered my expenses as my pay for being her caregiver. so like. looks at the potential need to get independent housing, looks at bank account with $30 in it, laughs darkly and decides I can't think about that.

besides I need to think about how this could be the last time I have left with my mom.

it. sucks.

#albatrosities #life stuff shit.#anyway.

14 notes · View notes