#and I have to say these guys are a lot more affectionate then they are given credit for

[randomshyperson]

don't run away without me - wanda maximoff oneshots

summary: Wanda's neglect of everything around her, and constant abuse of the darkhold reaches a breaking point - you can't go on like this anymore. | warnings: mainly angst, hurt/comfort, they fight and actually resolve things through dialogue (crazy ik), mutual pining, fluff by the end (you may consider the canon of agatha all along for the "open" ending) | words: 2.588k

a/n-> A month ago i think @iguirisu request an angst one shot, and here it is, i randomly had inspiration for it today at work hope you like; I actually do miss writing about Wanda's depression state, or dark hold influence era.

General Masterlist | AO3 | Wattpad

-&-

The smell of coffee made you sigh and relax a little.

Natasha smiled affectionately - despite the obvious tiredness and sadness that your gaze hid, it was good to see you a little, even if minimally, more cheerful.

She took her place in the armchair, crossing her legs. In her hand, a hot cup of tea. You, on the other hand, left yours on the table, your fingers nervous.

"You took a while to visit, Y/N." Nat began, without waiting for you to make any excuse, she added; "I was hoping Wanda would come with you."

You look down, a sad laugh escaping you. "Yeah, I asked her to." You mumble, unable to hide your annoyance. “"Things have been... tricky. Ever since Westview. I thought we were doing well, as much as possible, but Wanda..." You sigh, forcing a smile at Nat. "She's been shouting me out."

Natasha takes a sip of her tea before commenting. "She knows none of us hold a grudge against Westview, right? Even though it's been, well, fucked up." 

You laugh weakly at the comment, nodding. You take a sip of your drink too, enjoying the the taste of it. 

Nat stretches out her legs and rests them on the coffee table. "Maybe I should visit." 

You shake your head. "Better not, Nat." You say, and this surprises the redhead a little. You sigh. "It's her magic. She's been restless, and Wanda, well, she gets really nervous sometimes. I tried to talk to her about contacting that witch we faced in Westview, you know? Agatha Harkness. But she won't give in. And that damn book too. I may not be a witch, but I can sense something's wrong." 

The redhead sighs. "Damn, Y/N, that sounds like... a lot." 

You smile weakly. "Yeah, I know. But thanks for having me here, Nat. I guess I needed to get out of that cabin for a bit, to clear my head." 

She shakes her head gently. "Please don't mention it. I think everything would be easier if we all still lived together in the compound. We'd end up making too much noise for Wanda to get stuck in books." Her joke makes you smile, a little nostalgic. Natasha looks at you curiously. "Are you sure you don't want me to visit? We can just, I don't know, talk. Spend some time together. I feel like I haven't seen you guys in... forever."

You smile sadly, looking away at the apartment. It’s exactly how you remember it, the same way Natasha welcomed you from Shield, a safe home for a defected black widow.

“It’s okay, this helps a lot.” You lean back against the couch, resting your back. “Can we talk about something else? Anything. Even if it’s a fantasy.”

She chuckled in confusion. "I don't understand, Y/N."

You sigh sadly. "I just miss you so much, Nat." 

She frowns, adjusting her posture to move closer, taking the seat next to you. "I'm right here, sweetheart." She says, reaching for your hand. You smile, feeling the tears well up in your eyes. 

You lean in to hug her, and for a moment, the feeling is just as you remembered. But it doesn't last long, and with a sigh, you wake up. 

The covers of your bed are tightly wrapped around you, but the cabin is cold and they do little to keep you warm. It's not just the weather, you know. Wanda is reading again, and the darkhold always makes sure that the cold feeling never goes away, even when you turn on the fireplace and sit on the rug in front of it.

You get up without rushing, there's nothing to rush about. You go to the bathroom to wash your face, brush your teeth, but maintain a relaxed appearance of someone who just woke up, which in the past Wanda would comment on how charming you are - but now, she doesn't even look up from her book when you leave the room.

You're not surprised that there's no coffee; if you don't make it, Wanda will just go on without eating, for hours and hours until her body protests with exhaustion.

It's not healthy, you can insist. But she won't give more than a grumble in return.

This morning you prepare pancakes, and some coffee. There are freshly picked apples that manage to bring a small smile to your face. You think it will be like any other morning, quiet and lonely, but Wanda's physical form appears to sit at the table with you.

"Hi, Y/N." It's almost painful actually. The distance and indifference have grown to the point that greeting you in the morning is almost like talking to a stranger.

Your back tenses before you glance at her from the corner of your eye and murmur a good morning, your attention returning to the preparation of the coffee.

"You woke up late." Your hand hesitates in cracking the eggs, but only for half a second. Wanda sighs. "I thought you weren't going to do that anymore." 

You place the eggs on the tray, and move to find the flour. Your back is to Wanda. "I don't know what you're talking about." You mumble disinterestedly. 

She laughs, humorless. "Come on, you were the one giving speeches about how wrong and dangerous that was, and now you're doing it almost every night." 

You set the bowl down on the table with a little more force than necessary. "What is it now, Wanda?" You demand, irritated but more importantly, upset. Days goes by with Wanda not paying a single glance at you, and now she’s demanding answers. "Just say what you mean." 

She rolls her eyes, and you swallow hard. She can be so… mean. Like Wanda never was. But then again, ever since Westview, and especially since the Darkhold, you've been discovering sides of her that you've never seen. You tried to stay positive about it, because well, relationships are hard. But it was all extremely tiring.

"I just think it's a little funny, when I asked to talk to my boys, you said it was wrong. That I was abusing your power, that it was dangerous to mess with these things, that speech about natural law and the veil of the dead, or whatever nonsense you made up."

"I didn't make it up-"

She interrupts you: "But when it's about you visiting Natasha every night, then it's okay?"

You laugh humorlessly. "Because it's me! Because I hold the connection, because it's my power! I've explained to you this a hundred times, but you don't want to accept it." She huffs, standing up, ready to leave the room, the conversation, and that makes you laugh again. "Go ahead, just run away again." 

She looks at you with irritation: "Me? You're the one who's running away, Y/N! Every night to visit our dead friend!" 

You have to laugh because honestly this has to be a joke. Wanda swallows hard at the sound. "Wanda, you're not even here." You gesture to the other room where her astral projection is reading the darkhold, and she turns her face away, almost embarrassed. You run a hand over yours, sighing. Exhausted. "This is all bullshit. I don't even know what I'm doing here."

You explode. "She talks to me!" And this takes Wanda by surprise, she looks at you with a frown, and you hold back the tears that threaten to fall. "A change of scenery for a change. "

"I talk to you." 

She looks at you as if you've been slapped, in a way, you're almost happy to have some reaction.

"You said you didn't want to leave me alone."

You frown, and hold her gaze, even though you can't hold back the tears anymore. "And in return, you barely look at me."

"Y/N, that's not true. We were ready to have breakfast-" She tries to get closer, to touch you, but you pull away, laughing humorlessly, gesturing nervously to the kitchen.

"Breakfast? Wanda, none of this is real!" You scoff, gesturing around. "This farm, the food, even the fucking animals, you created everything with your magic. All of this is a lie."

"Don't say that."

But you get closer, breathless with emotion, your hands find her face, and Wanda resists the urge to lean into the touch, her gaze conflicted as if she were also resisting something else, something stronger and deeper.

"I'm real, Wanda. And I'm right here. Begging you to let me in." You confess, and some of her certainty breaks. "But you push me away. And ignore me for days, limiting me to a ghost of you." 

She touches your forearms. "I know you don't like it, but astral projection allows me to study without leaving you alone and-" She tries, but you shake your head, cutting her off. 

"Enough, I don't want to hear the same excuses all over again." You walk away, a sad smile on your face. "I think I should just go."

Wanda tries to contain her emotion, but she's crying the next minute. "If that's what you want, I won't stop you." 

You laugh sadly. "What I want. Funny." You retort, walking around her to pack, and Wanda swallows hard. It takes a moment, but she finally follows you to the room, where you search for the few belongings you brought, which weren't fabrications of chaos magic. She doesn't even realize she's forced back her astral projection until she sees the darhold floating alone, almost begging to be read again.

"So that 's it? Are you really just going to leave me alone?" 

You don't look at her. "Clearly that's what you want, Wanda. Enjoy your reading." 

But she stands in front of the door, blocking your way. You sigh impatiently, but she holds her position. "And what do you want?" 

You hesitate, and Wanda tilts her head, her eyes turning red. You snort in protest at the attempt of mind reading. "Unbelievable." You mumble in disappointment, but there's a bump when you try to cross because Wanda won't step aside. "Come on, you said you wouldn't stop me." 

"Why did you come with me in the first place?" She demands to know then, her gaze almost pleading, and that makes you hesitate, take a step back. 

"Wanda." 

"Tell me." She says, and you swallow hard, looking away at the floor. She laughs humorlessly. "Fine, and then you say I don't talk to you." 

She steps aside, turning her back to you to walk down the hallway again, and you sigh, thinking fuck it. Things can't get any worse than they are now. 

"I'm in love with you."

It's the first time you've said it out loud, admitted it to yourself, actually. Wanda frowns at you, and then laughs briefly and incredulously.

"Right." She mumbles, and you take a step toward her.

"I'm serious."

Wanda doesn't flinch. "Well, I don't believe you."

It's your turn to frown, confused and a little embarrassed, as you watch Wanda sigh and walk over to the couch, where she sits. You sigh too before entering the living room again, the bag of clothes loosely in your hand. "What are you talking about? What do you mean you don't believe? This is just a fact, not something to argue about."

But the redhead shakes her head. "That's ridiculous, Y/N. You're not in love with me." You open your mouth to protest, but she keeps talking. "First of all, you never said anything. You didn't even think." She looks at you with a certain certainty that makes you swallow hard. That nosy witch and that bad habit of looking into people's minds. "Second, you're.. off limits. You're Nat' s. You always have been and always will. I mean you visit her even after death now." 

You grimace, and then you finally understand what Wanda is really saying. "Wanda, I," You begin, dropping your backpack on one of the armchairs and approaching where she is, kneeling down to her level. "Natasha and I broke up during the blip. I told you that. We became friends, just friends, over time. I’ve been visiting her because I was feeling lonely, and I missed having a friend to talk to." Wanda looks away, and you try to follow her gaze, your hand reaching for hers in your lap. "And yes, about the first thing, you're right. I'd never thought about it. It took me a while to understand, to realize. I guess I was trying to protect myself." 

She looks at you with some uncertainty. "From me?" 

You laugh shortly, shaking your head immediately. "Oh, no, Wanda, not from you." You clarify quickly. "I was afraid of getting my heart broken, you know? You had someone. And well, Natasha was my first love. And it was mutual. I didn't know how to deal with rejection, with the possibility of well, of living through this right now. It's been hard, but I'll survive." 

But Wanda swallows hard, her cheeks gaining a new color. "But I... didn't reject you."

You laugh awkwardly. "It's okay, I don't need you to let me down slowly, the shock and silence are enough for me to get the message." You joke, but when you make a move to stand up, Wanda tightens her grip on your hand, keeping you in place.

"You just caught me by surprise." She murmurs and it's the only thing she says before advancing on you, a firm kiss on your lips. She barely lets you get used to the feeling - pulling away immediately, her brow furrowed in conflict. "Fuck, don't show me that."

"I didn't do anything-"

"It's not you!" She snaps, her eyes red. Wanda suddenly becomes agitated, standing up, her hands on her head for a moment. You worry, and when you try to touch her, she suddenly grabs you, her arms around you, her face hidden in your chest. She takes a deep breath, as if trying to wake herself up to this moment. "Please, don't leave me alone with it."

You understand, the book, which continues to vibrate in the next room, waiting, demanding a reader.

One of your hands goes to Wanda's head, and the other to her back, trying to calm her down.

"I'll stay with you, Wands." You say, swallowing hard afterwards. "But on one condition." She breaks the hug only to look at you. You sigh. "We'll ask for help."

"What? No-"

"I'm serious." You interrupt. "If not Agatha Harkness, it will be someone from Kamar Taj, like Doctor Strange. You need help, Wanda. You don't sleep, you barely eat. You're paranoid and restless. You're hurting yourself, and I'm not going to stand by and watch."

Wanda sighs tiredly, and buries her face in your chest again, nodding softly. Though the next moment, she mumbles, “Strange won’t help. Sorcerers don’t… help witches.”

You kiss the top of her head. “Agatha Harkness then.”

The redhead groans in protest. "I don't trust her." But you hug her a little tighter.

"I know, darling, me either." You whisper. "But who knows what Westview has in store for us?"

Wanda hides her warm face deeper inside the hug. "I like it when you call me that."

It's your turn to blush. "Lucky for you, I have an endless list of pet names for you, Miss Magic Fingers." She giggles, trying to tickle you so you'll let her go, but the break only makes you laugh and shower her face with kisses.

[hellspawnmotel]

haha okay okay, I'll share my thoughts (this got long whoops. lots to cover)

first of all, just to clear I'm not saying that I think toby is trying to make the fanbase assume wholesomeness in EVERY relationship he writes, or even every lesbian relationship. I don't think he did that for alphyne, I think that is just a genuinely wholesome relationship for the most part. they have some stuff to work out (mostly based around alphys' lying and insecurities) but what couple doesnt? I did theorize that toby might have kept that in mind while writing suselle specifically though, given the surface-level similarities to alphyne (which essentially just boil down to 'tough girl x shy girl'). considering that toby's been developing noelle and susie since at least 2015 I doubt that's where he started out with the two of them, but I think it's plausible it influenced how he chose to frame their scenes in the final product.

I haven't seen whatever post you're talking about discussing alphyne vs RG01/RG02, and to be frank I don't remember seeing a lot of art of the knights that was overly sexual as opposed to just cute. I do believe that there's some level of it that I just haven't encountered but I don't know if it was the best example to illustrate this point. it IS true though that when it comes to shipping, there's a trend of viewing relationships between two men as inherently more sexual than relationships between two women, because misogyny and I can't get into why that happens in more specificity without going on a massive tangent and I trust you guys already know all that.

so let's just assume that we all understand these basic societal ideals, and the fact they get subconsciously drilled into our heads whether we like it or not: the default way to be a woman is to be a domestic caretaker. gentle, kind, pure, level-headed, someone who does all she can to avoid emotional conflict. or any conflict for that matter- a well-adjusted woman hates conflict, to avoid it she'll become submissive or run away or try to mediate or just faint into the arms of a man about it. men are the ones who initiate or confront conflict, who "make things happen".

then what happens when there are no men around? if a relationship is just two women in love, and the relationship is healthy, then there must be no conflict. all you're left with is sweet and pure domestic bliss. that's when it's "wholesome". therefore, if a relationship between two women DOES involve conflict, it must be unhealthy because it means something is "wrong" with one or both of them. so to that end I think it's much easier to conclude that a ship between two women is "toxic" than a ship between two men. or a ship between a man and a woman, for that matter. picture your average romcom centered around a heterosexual relationship, and ask yourself, if everything was exactly the same but it was two women instead, would it get called "toxic yuri"?

FTR, I understand that the phrase "toxic yuri" rose in popularity and prominence as backlash against this exact kind of thinking- we want lesbian relationships that involve conflict, and calling it "toxic" affectionately is in direct response to those who argue that any relationship between two women that isnt all sunshine and daisies is unhealthy and abusive. and there are PLENTY of girl/girl pairings that I would actually describe as "toxic" in sincerity and that's the appeal and what makes them interesting. but I think the (over)use of the word has gotten to a point where you gotta look at yourself and ask if that's what your ship really is, or if you just want to use a popular phrase- and more importantly, if mislabeling these relationships as "toxic" when conflict gets involved is just looping around and perpetuating the problem in a different way.

(remembering this was supposed to be about suselle) UMM. in conclusion I think if more people start to acknowledge the conflict or potential for conflict in susie and noelle's romantic storyline then we're gonna see it called "toxic yuri" even though nothing about it has changed. and I think that on the other side of that, those who exclusively want cute and lovey-dovey suselle are prone to ignoring any conflict or even denying it's there. not all the time! but it happens.

[smileposting]

can you please tell us more about thespius and click clack’s weird little officecore baby. i’m obsessed with him

of course! feel free to enjoy this more finalized version of his design while you read some Assorted Fun Facts about him/related HCs of mine under the cut:

i think i do want to go with him being a he/him butch in the end. sometimes lesbians is just a guy.

works outside the grove as an adult, although he does make sure to visit often. although he's known in hobbyhoo as the most chipper square to ever square (affectionate), by his workplace's standards he's a little freaklet. this is due to A.) his sheer Enthusiasm for an extremely unremarkable office job, B.) the fact that native grovedwellers already have a bit of a Reputation in the outside world as strange and otherworldly, and C.) the fact that he Cannot understand why other people would find his background remarkable in any way.

i don't know what his name is, but i do know it's vaguely derived from the like 4-5 different first names he was given when he was born. i've been using "carter" as a placeholder thanks to @echobsilly, but i do also like "guy" just for how straight to the point it is.

since (getting into hc territory Again here) being a flesh-and-blood human means he can't spend all his time on thespius and click clack's side of reality lest he experience some funky side effects, the people of hobbyhoo had just as much of a hand in his upbringing as his birth parents did. children are Not a very common sight in hobbyhoo, but it Is a lot more relaxed about both non-monogamous relationships and family structures outside of the nuclear model, so most children born there tend to be raised communally.

thespius and click clack spent the first few years of his life a lot Smaller than they normally are, at least whenever he was with them. it was a Much bigger adjustment for click clack than it was for thespius, but it was a sacrifice he was willing to make to avoid squishing their sweet spawnling like a bug.

when he was real little, he was a painfully shy kid who spent most of his time either figuratively or literally clinging to whoever was watching him at the time. he started coming out of his shell more in his teenage years, around the same time he became more acquainted with the sunrise strip - yknow, beyond it just being a place where click clack's followers live.

speaking of thespius and click clack, i say they're kinda baffled by him, but the more i think about it the more i realize it's a Little more nuanced on both of their ends:

he actually has a lot in common with click clack in terms of skills (don't forget that click clack is also thespius' bookkeeper + head of clicky tower) but when it first became clear that working At clicky tower was not enough to sate his clerical ambitions and that what he Really had his eye on was The Very Area Click Clack Used To Work In Before Arriving To The Grove, Well. they ended up butting heads quite a bit. for context i hc that said area is Also where rick brick works before the events of GGG, so that's a bit of extra salt in the wound. anyways carter thought that click clack just didn't want him to leave the grove, but what click clack was Actually afraid of is that, given carter's jack mcbrayer-esque whimsy, the corporate world They are familiar with would chew him up and spit him out with zero remorse. they don't want that happening to anybody, of course, but Especially not their own kid.

but alas, click clack is merely the editor of this story - not the writer. and sometimes editing looks like educating your child about labor rights/unions before letting him take the reins, even if it means he fucks up the first couple of times.

thespius, meanwhile, has always been a little more optimistic about carter's ability to bounce back + likes that it was apparent that he took a Little more after clicky even back when he was small ("how boring would it be if he was just like me?") BUT one thing he does worry about is his ability to truly relate to carter - he loves his kid obviously and always does his best to make him feel at home, but the reality is they are just on different wavelengths, and thespius Hates the idea that he might be making carter feel more alone because of it. kid's talking about white collar crime to him like that one nisipisa tiktok and thespius is like doing whatever his equivalent of googling shit on your phone during a conversation so you can give the other person a response that isn't "Yeagh" is.

was i inspired by mr milchick from severance when playing around with his design more . It's Possible.

[b0ne-merchant]

can i request romantic hcs of underfell and underswap skelebros? uty to decide whether it should be sfw or nsfw! have a nice week ❤

YES ABSOLUTELY!!!!! I love them sm......

I kept this set as sfw, but anyone can feel free to drop a request for some spice ;)

[Content warning: mentions of alcohol, implied marijuana use]

Underfell!Bros (Red and Edge) and Underswap!Bros (Blue and Stretch) Romantic/Dating Headcanons

Underfell!Sans (Red)

Guard dog but like, in an angry, violent chihuahua way.

Red's interest in you starts off as purely sexual, but over time, it just hits him directly in the skull that uh oh he's in love.

He's not gonna ever admit that, though. Well, not without a few drinks in him, at least. One night he gets a little too tipsy and it just sorta slips out that he loves you and that you make his soul do flips in his chest and you're on his mind all the time and just shut him up with a kiss already omg.

He just gets really affectionate and lovey-dovey when he's drunk. He will deny everything the next morning.

Red can dish out flirts left and right but the second you flirt back it's game over. 999999 damage. He needs to go sit down for a while.

Any sort of affection makes this man so flustered. He's really not used to it, poor thing.

He's like... begrudgingly loving. Oh, you're hungry? Fine, he'll order all your favorite foods for delivery with a roll of his eye lights (he knows your order by heart). You've fallen asleep on the couch? He's picking you up so carefully as to not wake you and bringing you to bed with a scowl (he tucks you in and leaves a glass of water at your bedside). You're cold? He's draping his jacket over your shoulders and lecturing you about being more prepared for the weather (he thinks it looks better on you anyways).

You are Red's comfort person. When he's feeling down, he wants nothing more than to climb into your lap, lay his head on your chest, and breathe in your scent.

If you're cuddling, good luck trying to leave his grasp. Red sticks to you like a baby possum. You'll get up when he says you can get up.

He's sooooo touch starved. Stroke his skull and kiss his hands and he will MELT.

He'll act all grumpy and annoyed when you're doting on him but as soon as you quit he'll be like "did i tell you to stop???"

Do not turn your back to this guy your ass will get smacked.

Red is just a tad clingy. Okay, maybe a lot clingy. He just wants to make sure that you're safe whenever you go somewhere without him.

If you're even slightly perturbed when you come home from an outing it's all "okay who do i have to kill?"

He talks real sweet to you only when he knows you're asleep.

Red listens to your soft breathing, his fingers tracing circles on your sleeping form. "best thing to ever happen to me," he whispers, eyes half closed. "stars, am i lucky."

Underfell!Papyrus (Edge)

Guard dog in a scary, calculating doberman way.

Ohhhh man, Edge knows what he wants (you), and he's not afraid to tell you.

"WEAR SOMETHING BLACK TONIGHT," Edge says, grabbing your waist and pulling you toward him. His voice dips down as he gives you a squeeze. "THE TIGHTER, THE BETTER."

I hope you like sitting in his lap, because that's gonna become your permanent seat, no matter where the two of you go.

Edge is the embodiment of confidence. This, in turn, makes him surprisingly quite a gentleman. Who woulda thought???

Chivalrous to the core. He kisses your hand in greeting. He carries your shopping bags like it's his sole duty. He pays for every date without a second thought.

He always holds car doors open for you. Even when you're both getting out of his car, he'll grab your arm, bark an order for you to stay, then bolt around the front to open the door for you.

He'd roll down a red carpet wherever you walked, if he could.

Edge likes to walk around with his hand resting on the small of your back. It's a little gesture to shows those around him that you're his.

He's very possessive over you. The thought of anyone messing with something of his makes his marrow boil.

The ends of Edge's fingers are filed into sharp claws. They're great for scaring potential threats off, but they're even better for head and back scratches.

He's very picky about literally everything he does, but if he's doing something for you (even if it's something he hates), then by the stars will he do it with his head held high.

Urghhhh he loves getting you all hot and bothered. He backs you into a corner and holds your chin up, just inches away from his face. He kisses you so deeply, so intensely, so longingly, like a man heading off to war. Then he just chuckles and walks away. What a bastard.

Give him that same flirtatious energy back, though, and he throws a whole tantrum. Like, stomping his foot and yelling, "GET BACK HERE AND FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED!!!" while his face is just burning red.

He's never been one to tell you that he loves you, but his actions speak it a thousand times over.

Underswap!Sans (Blue)

Introducing the world's first smooch-powered skeleton!

Seriously he needs demands a kiss before he does anything. Going out for training? Kiss. Checking the mailbox? Kiss. Putting on socks? Kiss.

When he gets said kisses, half his face is just teeth the way he smiles so damn wide.

Blue is just so sickeningly sweet and loving, like sugar personified. Every moment with him feels like it's straight out of a fairy tale romance.

Sharing a milkshake with two straws. Feeding you chocolate-dipped strawberries. Making silly faces together in a photobooth. Dancing together in the kitchen. Romantic handwritten letters. This man has it all.

LOTS of phone calls when the two of you are apart. He wants to know every detail of your day! Blue lays on his stomach in bed and kicks his feet like a teenage girl. If he were using a landline, he'd be twirling the cord around his finger.

"You hang up first." "NO, YOU HANG UP FIRST!" "You hang up first." "NO, YOU HANG UP--" Stretch rips the phone from Blue's hand. "he's hanging up first." The call ends.

You two also do the whole "I love you more" "WELL I LOVE YOU MOST" "I love you most plus one" thing. This usually turns into arguments, and the occasional full-blown screaming match over who loves who more.

Blue keeps several pictures of you in his wallet. He shows them to everyone, willing or not.

He also keeps a special one of you and him tucked into his ribcage. He wants to keep you close to his soul at all times.

There's a vase in your room that's always filled with fresh flowers. Blue explains the meanings behind each flower and their colors each time he restocks it.

Blue scrapbooks about all your dates. He has an impressive collection, and he boasts an eye for design.

The two of you have a prank war that's been ongoing since your third date.

Blue likes to play wrestle with you. Sometimes he'll even let you win!

He will literally do ANYTHING to impress you. He'll find something super heavy and lift it over his head. Solving a Rubik's cube really fast. He learns an array of magic tricks to wow you.

"IS THIS YOUR CARD?" It's not. You cheer and clap and hype him up anyway.

Blue will act innocent and naive whenever you flirt with him or tell him a dirty joke solely because he thinks it's funny as fuck making you explain it to him.

He can and will wax poetic about how much he loves you. Like standing on a table in public and reciting Sonnet 18 very. Very. Loudly.

He loves you soooooooo much.

Underswap!Papyrus (Stretch)

Oh this man is whipped.

He'll just stare at you while you're doing the most mundane things, like washing dishes or clipping your toenails, and he'll just have the biggest, stupidest grin on his face and dreamy look in his half-lidded eyes.

"Dude will stop staring at me???" "nah i'm good."

Stretch likes to surprise you with hugs from behind while he rests his head on top of yours.

He gives the BEST HUGS!!!! They're big and warm and he holds you tight with his arms drooped to your lower back and his face pressing a skeletal kiss against your temple.

He loves the sight of his oversized hoodie on you. It's so big, it's practically a dress when you wear it.

His hoodie is so big it can fit both of you in it. Stretch likes cold weather because of this, as it means you'll be more likely to burrow under his hoodie and snuggle against his bones.

Stretch is trying to curb his smoking habit for your sake. He's always carrying around hard candy due to this. You're the only one he shares his stash with.

He loves laying in bed and reading with you. Stretch will situate you in his lap and have you hold a book for the two of you to read in tandem. He'll give you a little peck on the cheek when he's ready to turn the page.

He also likes laying with you and sharing earbuds while listening to music. You have no idea how earbuds even work with skeletons.

Speaking of, Stretch is a pretty big music buff. He makes all sorts of playlists for you, based on moods, activities that you're going out to do, and best of all, the way he feels about you.

Sometimes when he wants to cuddle, he'll just grab your soul with his magic and drag you over to his embrace.

You blow him kisses and he pretends to catch them and put them in his pocket for later.

Stretch loves baking. There's always a sweet, doughy smell in the air and some warm treats to indulge in when you're at his place. Just... be sure to ask about the contents of his brownies before you dig in.

He also makes the best pancakes, but it's extremely rare that he wakes up before noon to even make them. He will totally indulge you if you ask for breakfast for dinner, though.

Stretch likes to wink at you from across the room. When he gets your attention, he'll flash you his tongue with some rather lewd gestures. He then acts like nothing happened.

Basically, he wants to kiss you so bad it makes him look stupid.

[mariusrenathyrs-crashout]

A few posts ago you mentioned how you’ve been thinking about Grimmorbek a lot. May I ask about your opinion and personal interpretation of Grimmorbek?

GOD. This is so much fucking longer than I planned for but I love yapping about ship dynamics. Also sorry for the late reply Anon, I hope you see this eventually lol.

My personal opinions: I love them. As a big fan of Frostbek and someone who has seen quite a deal of Grimmorning floating on my dash, to me it's a pretty fascinating trio as they have such good chemistry and work well as duos.

Frostbek works in my mind as Frost has been noted to be much kinder to Torbek who has taken notice of this despite Frost's deadpan demeanor or troubles emoting. Torbek fascinates Frost and I think this can be looked at from many angles as Torbek is not only fascinating for the trauma he endures and secrets he holds but also for his oddly forgiving demeanor and caring nature. Blah blah you guys have heard me make many posts about Frostbek.

And Grimmorning obviously has chemistry as the two have been long, long time friends and they are fascinating as a polar opposite duo. Despite their differences they clearly compliment one another well as yapper vs listener or emotive vs internal or physically and verbally affectionate vs quality time and acts of service. The two basically coparent a child together and the running gag of "I've always wondered about you two" in terms of being a couple.

Grimbek (is that what it's called?) I think even has some grounds as both Goblinoids - I think that sharing a language the others don't is both something deeply connecting but also is very intimate when used - and Gricko has on multiple occasions gone out of his way to comfort Torbek aka sing for him when he's having panic attacks. While a little shit head towards Torbek at times, he's also advocated for Torbek and had shown the most moral guilt over being a cause for Torbek ever being hurt.

I think as a trio, the parts just make sense. Two emotive partners to Frost's introspective and introverted, two emotionally stable and grounding partners for Torbek who's more prone to panic and discomfort, and two calming and slow presences to keep Gricko from flying off the handle and take a pause to rest and relax and breathe. I think the addition of a 3rd to the partnership also adds interesting complexities to the dynamic as someone like Gricko can help Frost and Torbek who both sometimes struggle expressing themselves or communicating and he can mediate on their behalfs. Frost is very close to both Gricko and Torbek so having someone to watch out for the pair who left to their own devices may be more prone to rushing into danger or not taking care of themselves or giving themselves a break. And Torbek is fascinating because I think he brings out an odd fondness the pair don't normally display as they have both been shown to care for and tend to him and I think it brings out a nice - domestic isn't the word but I can't rly think of what other word to say - tenderness maybe to them that they don't normally show in the group due to it being as Gricko said "a bunch of middle aged lads who struggle to talk about their emotions to one another."

[forgetful-nerd]

Raph’s progression from begrudging accepting hugs to being the one giving them freely and openly was really cute to me.

This turtle is physically affectionate your honor.

[vaguely-concerned]

powerful mental image of lucanis expounding passionately about any given one of his limited but extremely deep areas of interest (the wyvern/knives/coffee/cooking/murder continuum of lucanis dellamorte special interests if you will) while rye lounges around and Beholds him with palpable twink boutta pounce energy

[moeblob]

Warning for: The (spider) legs showing below!

Under the hoodie/layers, she tends to wrap her legs around her kinda like a hug! And so in the first part that's the weird bumps under the hoodie. They're starting to unravel a bit. She hates being called a monkey cause it's NOT her fault she's short and has to climb on things and up things and includes people in "things" category.

[mazojo]

Anyways XO Kitty love interests summarized

Dae

Min Ho

Yuri

[crescentfool]

the fruit aisle incident

[janebonbon]

The man himself! Full of jokes..

[perilegs]

ok i think lamento should be awarded with the prize of worst lube in fiction

[skrunksthatwunk]

making a crossover for idiot losers that nobody will like (<- very invested, cannot be stopped)

[secondbeatsongs]

Food Crime: Frosty the Slawman

so a while ago, I saw this photo going around on tumblr:

at first, I thought this was photoshopped. I mean, "welcome new man in your life"? that feels like a translation error, or someone being silly on purpose.

but guess what! turns out, Frosty Slaw Man is real!

and soon...he will be mine. let's get cooking

(full disclosure: I crafted this snowman and took notes about it over a year ago. and then, like with many things in my life, I forgot about him, and let him drift into the ADHD void of Things I'm Not Currently Staring At, where object permanence is tentative and largely unrealized.

but here we are! and here he is: the slaw man. it's time to share him with you, so that you can suffer as I have suffered, and/or rejoice in my gelatin creation!)

so this recipe photo originally came from Mid-Century Menu (archive link), a blog that seems like one after my own heart, and which once tried to make the Slaw Man (with not much success; but we'll get back to that)! but it's not just that blog that has copies of this ad. I also found it on reddit, and in a few different places on ebay!

lookit that guy! he's a real guy!

both the reddit post and some of the ebay listings say that this is from 1963 (though I haven't been able to figure out which magazines it was printed in, to confirm this for myself). but in looking this up, I discovered something else fun! there's another version of this ad!

Best Foods is what Hellmann's stuff is called on the west coast, and the "this is no place for second best" thing makes a lot more sense when you consider that the ad was probably made for Best Foods first, and then just reused and rebranded for the east coast

the more you know!

anyway the benefit of finding this alternate ad is that the scan on this image is a lot clearer, and so the recipe is more readable! and in looking at it, I've realized something important:

when Mid-Century Menu tried this recipe, they got an ingredient amount wrong.

when they made their beloved Slaw Man, they had the water amount written down as 1/4 cup, but looking at this scan up close, it is actually 3/4 cup of water! something that might make a significant difference, considering we're working with gelatin!

(there's also another change I want to make compared to what they did, when I do this recipe. but we'll get into that in a sec.)

for now: we begin

so. there's no way I'm making a Slaw Man this large. I am just one person, and considering the ingredients of this, I don't think I'm going to be able to consume that much Slaw.

two entire heads of cabbage? three pounds of cottage cheese, a thing that I don't even like to eat? no. that's a bad idea.

so I'm starting small here and making this 1/3 the size of the original:

2 packets of unflavored gelatin 1/4 cup cold water 1 cup mayo 1 tsp salt 1lb cottage cheese 4 cups shredded cabbage

surely this will result in a reasonable amount of Man

...okay, I started chopping the cabbage thinking it would be easier, but I've given up and pulled out a grater. this is much better! and somehow more violent (affectionate)

the recipe says to soften the gelatin in cold water, and then stir over hot water until it's dissolved. I'm going to assume "stir over hot water" means a double boiler, so let's do that

hmmm, the gelatin is very foamy? it’s melted, but the bottom of the pot feels really....sticky

okay. after a couple minutes more and no change, I’m calling this good enough.

so one thing that others who have attempted this recipe have not taken into consideration is the cottage cheese. you see, the others used normal cottage cheese, but the recipe says to use "cottage cheese, cream style"

I’ll be real, I’m not 100% what that means, since we don’t have that here. but I can take an educated guess! so let’s blend the cottage cheese!

(with an immersion blender. I am not willing to wash an actual blender because of this)

mmm, yes. very smooth

...actually. why isn't all cottage cheese like this? the thing I hate about cottage cheese is the texture, so why isn't it all smooth and creamy like this?? I could eat this!!

a new discovery is made every day in this house.

okay, time to start mixing things together.

ah, frosty. I opened a whole new thing of mayo for you! do you feel special?

(I'd make a "pre-dinner snack?" joke, but sometimes I think I'm the only one that remembers Regular Ordinary Swedish Meal Time)

okay, the mayo, cottage cheese, and salt have been added to the gelatin. but as this cools, the texture is getting...hmm. less than appealing.

lastly: the cabbage

oh. oh this is not very nice

next it says to pack the "salad" into a one pound container, and two six-cup bowls, but since I made this recipe so much smaller, I'm going to uhhhh. uh. find some bowls that seem like they'd be correct...snowman? proportions?

ah. this bowl is too big.

hey, these'll work!

now I just have to let them chill for a while, and continue another day.

(edit from current!me: ahhh oh my god I forgot this was pretty soon after we adopted Jackie! look at these cat pics that I took while I was food crime-ing!

look at them having their little interactions! Knuckles was trying so hard to be friends with her! I love them)

hello! two days later and we are ready to assemble the slawman. and my sibling has started referring to him as "frosty: attorney at slaw", so that's fun.

I've done a thing where, as these set, I flipped them around in the bowl so that hopefully they'd be more round. we'll see if they actually stay like this.

I have also made some decorations for him out of peppers, olives, and carrots!

let's build our boy

oh he's so heavy. and wobbly

no no no he almost fell over!!

okay. he's fine. but more skewers were needed.

and...okay. he is complete.

behold!

gaze upon my beautiful man!

(he is not structurally sound! he wobbles unsteadily as I rotate him! there are already cracks forming in the gelatin around where his arms are! don't worry about it!)

 now it's time to stab him

and...to devour him

this tastes like...a bland coleslaw? and not even that. it's just sort of a salty, cottage cheese-y cabbage. the ingredients don't combine to become something greater, they simply...sit there. like this.

and the texture is...mmm. it's not a jello kind of texture, but it is a bit squashy in a way that's mildly strange.

it's very creamy once it softens in your mouth.

...I don't like this!

and look! taking just that one chunk from him was enough to destabilize him entirely :(

RIP frosty. now I just have to see if I can eat all of you before you go bad.

(note from current!me: I could not.

 I ate maybe half of him over the course of many days, often adding other stuff to him to try to add some flavor: bacon, frozen peas, cheese, etc. but even with that, I just couldn't stomach him.

after a while I stuck what was left of him in the freezer, hoping that maybe I'd find the will to consume the rest of him some other day.

do you know what a frozen-and-then-thawed mixture of cabbage, cottage cheese, mayo, and gelatin looks and tastes like?

bad. the answer is: bad.

I threw him out pretty quickly after thawing him.

do not try this recipe at home)

[jimingyue]

Cat Tumblr Dashboard Simulator

🖋️ meowful-musings Follow

🕊️ birdwatching Follow

what's wrong with dry food??? my humans feed me it all the time and i think it's fine

💀 elusivehider-deactivated948204

op wheres the natural feeding option

🌲 outdoorsy Follow

you guys are getting fed?

#im a barn cat so maybe im missing something here #meowtthew don't look

7,192 notes

☀️ pawsitive-affurmations Follow

ITS OKAY TO BE A MOGGIE

ITS OKAY TO BE A MOGGIE

YOU ARE NOT LESS VALID IF YOU ARE NOT A SPECIFIC PEDIGREE!!!!!

☀️ pawsitive-affurmations Follow

extra special shout out to cats who have "common" coat colors. grey tabbies and black cats i am rubbing against your head affectionately <3

🪤 m0usetrap01 Follow

as a grey tabby i really needed to hear this :"3

#i feel like i never see positivity posts for moggies even tho we're the most common type of cat....

154,688 notes

🎵 rage-against-the-meowchine Follow

i cant believe there are cats ACTUALLY advocating for kittens to be separated from their mothers before 12 weeks??? kittens still need to learn how to interact with other cats before being placed into their furever home omg you guys know you're advocating for undersocialized and aggressive cats right

❤️ loving-paws284 Follow

um op some of us??? matured early??????? i was separated from my mother at 7 weeks and i turned out fine... interesting how you assume that kittens being separated from their mothers at a younger age will lead to the degeneracy of the next generation...hmm i wonder where i've heard that before...

🐈 fluffy-the-cat Follow

OP got bit too hard during a play-fight as a kitten and it shows XD

🐟 tunafeesh Follow

also op have you ever considered that just because somecat is kind of scared and unable to deal with strange cats or humans, it doesn't mean they don't deserve to be adopted?? you sound like a vet psyop honestly

🎵 rage-against-the-meowchine Follow

oh meow god saying that kittens should be fully weaned before leaving their mother is NOT veterinarian rhetoric and i never said that they deserve to be euthanized!!! my mother literally died when i was 3 weeks old and it seriously messed up my development so stop putting words in my mouth, thanks

anyway friendly reminder that underweaned kittens are prone to illness and often struggle with basic cat behaviors like litterbox usage, and in some nyavinces it's even considered kitten abuse

#discourse #cant believe "kitten abuse is bad" is controversial now

32,456 notes

🍃 naturalliving Follow

BORN TO DIE

WORLD IS A FUCK

猫神 Kill Em All 1989

I am trash cat

410,757,864,530 DEAD BIRDS

#outdoorliving #outdoorcats please interact #outdoorcat friendly

48,971 notes

🎣 salmonpurina Follow

can't believe cats are uncritically reblogging that born to die world is a fuck post. i know it's funny but op is literally an outdoor cat truther

#like cmon now you just have to go to their blog #lulu speaks

34 notes

💀 tabbystripes-deactivated098712

gentle reminder that pushing cups off the table is not cute and can cause a lot of distress in your human!!!! gentle reminder that our teeth and claws can easily hurt them more than they can hurt us!!!!

🐰 evil-tabbystripes Follow

evil reminder that the cup should always be pushed off the table. evil reminder that you should always bite and claw at your human no matter what. you can do whatever you want forever

💀 tabbystripes-deactivated098712

make your own pawst

💀 laser-point-deactivated8574721

umm i know a tomcat who did that and his human ended up putting him down so...

👬🏻 nyasunaruenjoyer Follow

Nyaverage shelter cat behavior

#not nyaruto #re-nyab #pickles shut up

545,460 notes

🌈 nyaoi-warrior Follow

saw two male cats sleeping together on the porch today. homeow behavior imo

💡 discourse-meows Follow

hey um what the fuck??? it's really not okay of you to go assuming other cat's sexualities, especially cats you don't even know???? as a queer cat i'm VERYY uncomfortable. real-ass cats didn't consent to your nyaoi fetish, thanks

🌈 nyaoi-warrior Follow

1. i was making. a joak

2. i'm literally gay???

#literally what's your pawblem

7 notes

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

reblog if you've ever caught the laser pointer

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

i know you fuckers are lying

🍭 gaykittens Follow

this tom hasn't caught the laser pointer

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

shut the heull up

988,653 notes

🐾 b-e-a-n-t-o-e-s Follow

grey toebeans >>>>>>>>> pink toebeans and don't let the haters make you believe otherwise

🐁 ladymouser Follow

op shut the fuck up ALL toebeans are beautiful!!! just bc you're miserable and insecure doesn't mean you can bring others down based on things they can't control

🐾 b-e-a-n-t-o-e-s Follow

oh so the cat-human separationist wants to preach to us

[arolesbianism]

If I had the freedom of not knowing there is going to be future new lore stuff added to oni I would do unspeakable things to so many of these guys. Or Id just make them normal guys who just sorta exist. Either or.