#and I hate upsetting anyone on my own behalf

[radiationrat]

LMFAOOOO IM NOT ATTACKING YOU BY SAYING THIS I'M PISSED THAT YOU SAID 'NOT TO DERAIL' WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY INTENTIONALLY DERAILING A POST THAT WAS VERY SPECIFIC????

I have had MULTIPLE people do this and I'm irritated as all hell that I can make a post about people that has TWO SIMPLE QUALIFIERS and SO many people are bothered enough that my post isn't about everyone everywhere all the time and that I wasn't taking xyz into consideration when making a post about MEN. ON. THEIR. PERIODS.

Men on their periods deserve special biting permissions in the workplace

[gb-patch]

GB Patch Games: Response About Sensitivity Reader

[Some of you might not have heard of this happening, but I wanted to address it across the board]

Hey everyone,

I want to make a post about the screenshots of comments from one of our sensitivity readers. The situation is that neither me or Rose want people to feel uncomfortable with Our Life: Now & Forever, but Rose hasn’t done anything terribly wrong and isn’t going to be punished.

The comment about OL MCs wasn’t meant to be genuine hatred towards all male players/MCs of OL. Rose wrote a reply about it-

"Hi everyone! This is Rose, I want to address the male MC comment since it was taken wildly out of context and without the lengthy discussion that was after it. I don't hate male MCs, in fact far from it, male MCs are integral to the story in OL:NF as female and trans MCs are. I think the relationship they could potentially have with Qiu could be a great asset in my opinion as they figure out their gender alongside the MC. The discussion itself was about how I noticed players were sticking to heteronormative norms by shipping Tamarack with a man purely out of societal norms than it was genuine thought into the characters and how I personally wished there was more sapphic relationships with Tamarack or just Tamarack with trans characters as a sapphic trans person myself. I didn't mean to offend anyone by it as no one but my friends who understood what I legitimately meant behind my message and it definitely wasn't meant to be seen seriously. I am sorry regardless to anyone I have offended and I love your male MCs regardless."

And most of the comments were about me. I’ve seen screenshots of the full conversations and they’re not as harsh as the cropped snippets made them out to be. It was longer discussions about not including Derek in any base game Moments for no good reason and not having any plus-sized love interests in OL1 because I was afraid players wouldn’t accept it. That’s not a lie, it’s what I decided for the game I created, and it is ridiculous of me. I’m the one who should be feeling embarrassed over how OL1 will forever be that way, not the people who remember that I did that. I’m not perfect and Rose actually cares more about the players than making me feel like I am flawless.

I also don’t want to tone police an employee venting about their boss in private, on their own time. Both the OL games deal with personal, important topics. This is sensitive work, and it can bring up frustrations. Sometimes people do use harsh words among friends, but they wouldn’t ever say it to a person seriously and directly.

I understand if you wouldn’t want to see anyone speak badly of a dev you like, but I promise it’s not a point of contention between me and Rose. I don’t feel mistreated in anyway. Rose genuinely cares about the Our Life series, and that’s why they get fed up with me over certain parts of the game.

Rose has never been unkind or unreasonable to me when working on the project, and their advice is detailed and well-explained. They do care about the game and want it to avoid having content that upsets people because of my own ignorance/shortcomings.

This being shared publicly from a private server is targeting Rose and seems to be a continuation of things that have happened before this. I don’t want this to continue happening. If you do still have concerns over the one comment about the community, you can let me know. But again, I don’t want people being mistrustful of Rose on my behalf for comments about me in conversations with missing context.

Do not send angry messages to Rose about any of this. We’ll do our best so that OL2 will be better than I was before. Thank you to everyone who reads this and participates in the community!

[foreverautisticbrainrot]

June isn't just Pride Month.

It's also Men's Mental Health Awareness Month and that's something that should be talked about more. Social media and society often pushes hate onto men as a whole and it's honestly disgusting and I've seen from the people close to me irl and online that this affects them a lot.

A lot of the men in my life don't really talk about their feelings too much or at least don't say why they feel a certain way. There's stereotypes that men have to bottle up their emotions to be 'tough', which is so outdated and stupid. NO ONE has to feel like their emotions and struggles don't matter, they always matter. Holding it all in doesn't define strength, strength is in being able to show your feelings.

Pride Month often overshadows this and it's very upsetting. Not saying that's anyone's fault I'm just saying this should also be observed. We also just need to stop hating on men a whole, just because some men in your life may suck doesn't mean all men need to fuck off. I see hate towards men the MOST on social media, more than any other sort of discrimination (just my own social media experience but I know there's a ton of hate as a whole).

Let's look at some tags I found on Tumblr while putting tags in on this post.

Like I was DONE writing before the tags but I found these and put them just to prove my point. Fucking stupid. Can we just stop hating on people, this is part of the reason why they struggle so much.

Obviously I'm not a man so I can't fully speak on their behalf. But IF you're a man, know that you're not weak for your emotions. You are not weak for struggling. Your struggles are valid too. You are not inferior. You're human. And you're great. Please talk about your problems and feelings, it makes you strong. Your mental health matters, just like anyone else's.

[all-pacas]

no one asked me but here's my non specific list of ten things i adore about cameron actually!!

her terrible sense of humor! she's actually so silly but her jokes only land about 30% of the time. "i'd make an excellent step-mom" "i'm being house, it's funny," sexually harassing chase at the coffee machine, she thinks she is so funny

sexually harassing chase at the coffee machine. eagerly asking him what the patient's girlfriend said about the sex. how excited she is to hit on house. her blatant hr violations. her deeply canon exhibitionism. a threesome every seven years is good for a marriage. she does all these things in an office setting. she is such a freak

how quickly and immediately she falls in love!! her refusal to be cynical and worn down despite her traumas, the way she reacts with defiance and pushes past her fears every time. the way the show keeps proving her wrong, her idealism never, ever pays off--but she never surrenders or becomes a cynic. she always tries again, falls in love again, reaches out again. she's not a pushover, she's defiant. she's stubborn. she's!!

cameron can be kind of tricky sometimes and even a little for-your-own-good manipulative, but she is so bad at scheming in a very specific and funny way. she always overplays her hand. she reads self help books and comes to work all "what do you think, eric?", she almost puzzles out the trick in the jerk but takes it one step too far and accuses chase, she's very good at seeing through house's games but she's too honest/straight-forward to really play them herself. it's so funny of her though. she WANTS to play 5d chess so bad but she is incapable of subtlety

her wardrobe choices!! how she is constantly changing her look, how when she's dean for a week she dresses like cuddy, how the glimpses we see of her at-home wardrobe are girly and feminine compared to her strict business attire at work, how she takes the time to dress impeccably when she's stressed as hell. love when wardrobe is characterization

that cameron is willing to throw down with anyone at any time for any reason. deference to your boss? she's never heard of it. she's fought with house, wilson, cuddy, foreman, patients, probably the entire new team offscreen,

her insane martyrdom. how she has convinced herself it's her job to suffer on behalf of everyone, like, cameron, are you okay (she is not okay).

she is the most unreliable narrator on the planet. very girlboss of her. she doesn't tell house she likes him, she tells house he likes her. she is an atheist who constantly spouts off the most "god is loving and must be thanked" platitudes. she claims she was deeply in love with her dead husband but never says or implies one good memory. she gets so upset when she dumps chase, after two months of refusing to let him out of her sight, because he dared imply she had feelings for him. she's so funny

that she got out. like the show is 80% worse with cameron gone and i hate they wrote her off, but i love that she was able to recognize how toxic and insular things had gotten, how corrupting house is, and just... leave. especially since she's always struggled with letting go, with leaving, with closure. i still wish she'd stayed

her little moments where she's a smug know it all!! they're so funny. whenever she tries to flex on the new team (or more rarely the old) and she has this spring in her step, girl just wants to be in charge and the smartest and the best. i love her control freak tendencies and her mess and her silliness and how she does everything at 108%, from fighting people to patient care to love to running for the hills. she has never heard the word restraint and she NEVER SHOULD

[mattscoquette]

hi all, i wanted to make one final and formal apology before i go. i’ve been trying to stay off tumblr for the last few days, but i’ve been seeing a multitude of people saying they want me and the other former members of the tripouts gc to deactivate to show that we truly are sorry. personally, i don’t see the reason in that, i think deactivation makes it look like running from the situation. however, i understand why people would want us to deactivate - to show we are sorry and don’t just care about our image.

i’ve been back and forth with the idea of deactivating since yesterday morning. i always said if i ever left tumblr, i wouldn’t deactivate because i want to keep my fics and other writings up. i still agree with that, and for that reason, i’m not deactivating, but i’m abandoning this blog. i was planning to just private all my posts, but i felt like that is the same as deactivating. i can’t say for certain if i’ll return and post on a new account, but i can say with nearly 100% confidence that i’m done posting on mattscoquette. as much as i wanted to leave tumblr on my own terms, i only feel that this is the right thing to do. thank you to everyone who supported be over the last year, i truly took every kind word and compliment to heart. i’m so appreciative for the friends i made on here, whether we talked once or everyday.

before i fully get into it, i just would like to say i am so so SO sorry for how i acted. i didn’t handle any situation in a correct or mature manner. i’m sorry if anything i’ve said made me come off as disingenuous, or like im trying to push this situation off and blame it on association.

i shouldn’t have immediately come to my friends defense when the slur was first posted, even if i thought she was allowed to reclaim it. it was wrong, and i’m sorry. i deleted and left the group chat, so i don’t have any original screenshots, but i can say that i didn’t respond to the text with the r slur. although there was more than one conversation going on at the time, it still doesn’t make it right. it was a stupid mistake that should have never been said or posted. with that said, i’d like to make it known we didn’t call chris the r slur. i don’t think anyone should ever be called that word, joking or not. i can speak for myself when i say i love him, and his brothers, to death. i always joke around about them, but at the end of the day i always go back to them. i wouldn’t have been writing and posting about them for so long if i hated any of them the way tumblr thinks we do.

as far as the group apology goes, there was no ai used. we did check it through grammarly, and used that, which is often flagged for ai. but the original post was not ai, nor were any of my apologies post. i can’t speak for everyone in the group, but mine and the group account’s were not ai.

i would also like to say i’m sorry to anyone my actions or my friend’s actions may have hurt in the past. specifically to cherry (@luvs4matt) and the girls in the sturnholics gc. although i didn’t personally partake in any hate towards that groupchat, it was still given on behalf of a group i was in, and i’m sorry. i’d also like to say sorry to cherry and for the way i treated her, she is a minor and i publicly accused her of copying me when i should’ve handled it privately. it was immature and stupid, and i regret my actions greatly because she still receives hate messages in her inbox on my behalf. i feel terrible for how i acted and handled that situation.

i don’t want to say names either, but there are a few close friends who this situation and hurt greatly, and i’m so sorry to them. i never ever wanted to make friends upset, and i greatly apologize. alongside that, i’m sorry to any mutuals, followers, or ANYONE i have upset with both my actions and the group’s actions.

i will say, however, although i do own up and admit to all my mistakes, i find it very unfair there are people on here trying to run both me and the other members off the app. i’m talking specifically to the tripoutsweirdos account, and rose (@bernardsbendystraws). we made a mistake, owned up to it, and apologized. there is no need to make continuous posts of hate directed at any of us. i turned off my inbox because i was being sent multiple hate messages and threats. targeting people for a mistake that they apologized for is not only wrong and immature, but extremely damaging to the people who were directly affected by the situation at hand. fighting this issue with more hate doesn’t do anything but create more drama, and make tumblr less enjoyable. dragging this out and making it more than it needs to be does no help at all.

in the end, what’s done is done, and there isn’t anything anyone can do to undo it. the only thing is to learn from it, and improve behavior. i am a firm believer in your actions speaking louder than your words. i can say i’m sorry until i’m absolutely blue in the face, but i feel that apology won’t be accepted until there is a visible change in my character. i’m choosing to leave this account behind to show it isn’t about the “clout” or the “fame” one gains from sturntumblr. i still love the triplets, and love to write, but i can do that on other platforms or another account. as appreciative as i am for the space i created on tumblr, i think it’s best for me to leave it to rest now. i always preached about making my blog a safe space for everyone, and i’m sorry if i ever didn’t make it seem that way.

again, thank you to everyone who supported me, and to everyone who held me accountable in this situation. it gave me chance to reflect on myself and really think about how i present myself online and who i surround myself with. i love you all, and thank you for listening.

-rylee

[valtsv]

This isn't a gotcha, so please don't take it as such, but would yuou be willing to explain what it is about VAL that makes her such a favourite of yours? I can't stand her myself, she comes across to me as a bully given god-like power that she abuses for her own amusement, and I've seen you acknowledge as much, but we draw completely different conclusions from that. I just want to understand your perspective.

i've been anticipating a question like this for a while now, so i'm more than happy to answer for you!

you're right, VAL is in some ways a "bully given godlike power" as you put it, and there's no avoiding that (nor do i want to). and yeah, i do like her in part because of that, because i have a fondness for horrible fictional characters and in particular "bad victim" archetypes, of which VAL certainly is one. but i think what makes her compelling to me, rather than repulsive, is that she is fundamentally a cautionary tale and a tragedy. in-universe, she's the scapegoat. the example. the "make the right choices or this could be you". she's inescapably, heartbreakingly human in her awfulness, and that makes her terrifying, but it also makes her deeply sad (at least to me).

i also strongly believe in rehabilitative/restorative justice, so for me, wanting better for VAL is about my real-world principles to a degree. i can't and won't argue that VAL doesn't function as an uncomfortable allusion to a lot of atrocious crimes against humanity (by humanity) within the narative, and that anyone who finds her upsetting or even hateful for these reasons is absolutely justified in doing so. however, she's still a fantasy entity at the end of the day. she's not a 1:1 stand-in for real-world abuses any more than, say, a vampire or werewolf, which plenty of people are more than happy to explore the nuances of. and there's also the question of what punitive measures would even achieve in her case, beyond personal satisfaction for the one administering or spectating them (which is not to say that wanting to punch VAL makes you as bad as she is, just that her arc is, among other things, about how cycles of abuse and violence perpetuate). the worst that could possibly happen to her has already happened. she's been tortured. she's been taken advantage of for her mistaken belief that working for and with the system has the opportunity to benefit her, and died for it. there's nothing to be "learned" from her punishment that hasn't already been shown to us. that she hasn't already internalised. if she were ever to develop a stable conscience, that would be punishment enough in my opinion.

despite being a victim of people not entirely unlike VAL, i personally am not her victim, so treating her with sympathy and kindness whilst acknowledging the elephant in the room that is her many (fictional) war crimes is not something that requires any cognitive dissonance on my behalf. i would cautiously argue that the narrative agrees with me somewhat in this regard - the few times VAL is treated to a genuine act of kindness with no ulterior motives, it shatters her composure and outward conviction that what she's doing is necessary for her personal satisfaction, and even prompts her to reconsider on occasion (sparing the woodsman comes to mind). i'm not saying anyone needs to hug her and tell her she's valid, but if all it takes is some genuine good intent to get her to engage in introspection, i'm willing to be the person to offer it.

[crinkly-spinkly]

Hey, are you planning on speaking up about some of these posts I've been hearing about regarding you and some of your peers? It's a lot of really serious accusations and such, even if its getting very little traction seemingly /gen /srs

Listen, those of y'all who have known me in this fandom know that I take my posts seriously, making sure I take the proper precautions to label and censor my adult content appropriately and abide by Tumblr's Guidelines.

I don't know anything about Haru's past other than what he's told me, but I know Nirmal hasn't given anyone a reason why we should believe a word she says. She has been very well known to create multiple accounts and stage conversations in the past to try and make other people look bad on her behalf.

As far as I'm aware, this woman is throwing a toddler tantrum because I told her, speaking as an admin of the model train group community she was in...

(That she later on called a harem because I'm the only afab person in the admin group - taking normal club group photos we've taken at events and saying LOOK SHE'S PROBABLY FUCKING THEM - sexualizing myself and dozens of other people without our consent. Actual fucking sociopath behavior)...

... that she was "discouraged from attending the shows we attend as a group due to her behavior online".

Because you know, she made us all actively uncomfortable!!

This all began with her calling someone she thought was a minor a slur.

And can I go on a brief tangent to mention the belittling of sex workers? - It's not just all about the obvious fake porn bot scams. It's a legitimate profession with heavily administered safety regulations. She would learn this if she took a step back and educated herself for two fucking seconds, but no. Her word is law and we must chastise anyone who exposes a fucking collarbone.

Comparing OF models to murderers is psychotic.

And even moreso is telling all this to someone she thought was A CHILD and then telling them to GET STUFFED.

And THAT all started because she brazenly lumped Palestinians with scammers, got called out for it (initially by a minor in this screenshot) and then proceeded to react with name-calling and aggressive bullying to anyone who disagreed with her views because she is actually incapable of talking to anyone like a normal human being.

Now she's upset by the real life adult consequences of her actions, because she believes she's untouchable for being "born first". She's grasping at every straw she can make up to drag down myself and anyone who interacts with me by:

- making up conspiracies with little "evidence" other than copy/pasting textbook definitions of psychology terms

- smearing 20+ personal pictures of myself (none of which imply any sexual nature), my partner, and dozens of fandom members (including minors) scraped from any social media she can find so she can spout her fucked up sexual hypotheticals

- posting my +18 art publicly and claiming it's pedophilia/a danger to minors because it's themed around TTTE, even though the art is of consenting human adults, posted under an account that states minors are not allowed to interact, and full versions are locked behind a paywall where you need to prove you're +18 to pay for it,

- and making 600 alternate accounts to scream about how a significant chunk of the fandom is "victimizing her" for not being allowed to get her own way.

Meanwhile she's still found talking publicly to minors about how she "hates genitals/young genitals" and going into inappropriately excessive personal details in conversations.

Where is she getting the idea that I'm acting inappropriately with minors when she is literally doing that???

Tell me these aren't the ramblings of a mentally unstable individual.

Mentally sound adults in their 40's don't fucking do this.

This is exactly why we don't want her at events anymore!! Because we don't want to have to do damage control if she can't keep the topic of hating sex out of her mouth in every fucking discussion!!

In regards to my +18 art, my censored preview images are labeled appropriately as mature sexual content, posted under the appropriate tags to avoid being seen in mainstream tags, and I make it known in my bio that minors should not interact with this blog or they will be blocked. And I often encourage anyone to speak up in case anything gets missed or overlooked.

At the end of the day, it's the parents' responsibility to monitor their children's internet access. As the artist, I am only responsible for taking the right avenues to make sure that this type of content is only seen in the appropriate places. Not just to respect minors' safety, but to respect those who do not wish to see such content. It's why I keep that shit under a separate pseudonym.

If you're actively seeking out my adult content, then you've purposely chosen to disregard the warnings and disclaimers. That is YOUR fault.

In public, a responsible artist should keep that content separated from professional settings.

You know, not like this:

Meanwhile she's on multiple social media platforms, blasting explicit material in public mainstream tags so she can show that I'M the "degenerate predator" and should be burned at the stake.

Imagine you're at a convention or public event - and this random crotchety middle aged woman waltzes in with a dress covered in Gordon's face, waving around a big banner of some random person's censored pornography of consenting adults, screaming about how she's disgusted by sex and the fact these images exist.

Notice how the artist isn't waving that shit around?

Yeah, the police would be called in a heartbeat.

And this is all while pretending she's her own fan saying she's "done nothing wrong".

We know it's you, Nirmal. You're not slick, sweetie.

"Disturbingly Sexual Art" and "sexualizing human forms", god forbid an adult is attracted to another adult. Just because nobody finds you attractive, doesn't mean everyone has to bow down to your conservative brainworms.

So to you, the Anon reading this, take all this as you will and make your own judgements as you see fit. All I know is that I'm done catering to the whims of a random batshit lunatic woman on the internet, who names her cat after a character she wants to hypocritically fuck, with nothing better to do in her middle aged lonesome life than pick fights with strangers in the Thomas the Tank Engine fandom, because she wasn't allowed to get away with abusing minors.

In my humble opinion, she better shape the fuck up and take action to better herself... or she can go drag her face across some grass and swallow the dog shit she finds along the way.

Either way, I'm done. I'm tired. I have bigger adult matters to worry about like the three jobs I work, the state of our crumbling nation, neighbors at risk of getting deported, and making sure my family and special needs brother in law still have fucking healthcare.

Not that she would know anything about empathy. She's most likely gonna say I might be fucking them too because I live in her head rent free and she loves nothing more than fantasizing about people in fucked up illegal sexual situations 🫶

I'm not responsible for parenting her adult-child ass and teaching her how to behave like a normal human being. None of us are.

That's on her and her alone.

If someone says I should respect them because they're old enough to be my mother, then they better fucking act like it.

This is the last post I'm making about this.

This weekend's Patreon post will be up on Sunday.

[monstermoviedean]

@angelsdean here: While I do agree with a lot of the bitter deangirl posting abt the Trap I also have always still liked the scene? and offer a slightly less bitter perspective.

I have always viewed the scene less as Dean thinking he NEEDS to apologize but more as Dean understanding Cas feels he needs Dean to forgive him. I read the whole scene (and episode) from the POV of Cas being very rooted in his own insecurities, and thus projecting out a bit and deflecting and being short with Dean. Because purgatory is magnifying Cas's own guilt and well, Cas isn't handling it well. And you Know i am the first to get angry on Dean's behalf and I DO think Cas is being a unfair, but, I think I also need to practice what I preach in the sense that, if it were Dean behaving like this I'd be talking abt his own grief and pain and motivating factors. and i think that applies to cas in this case. he's still in a lot of pain. Cas also bound by his empty deal, possibly purposely keeping Dean at arms length out of fear of triggering the deal if they reconcile too well. We see that "arms length" maneuver at play imo when Dean has more he wants to say and Cas cuts him off. I think, perhaps, part of Cas felt SAFE while they were "divorced" / fighting because at least then he KNEW he'd never be truly happy. Which just breaks my heart for both of them.

Anyways. Dean. We know he's a self aware king. And he's also incredibly emotionally intelligent when it comes to others. Empathy boy, etc. and Cas is his best friend. He knows Cas better than anyone else. And I think he knows Cas is beating himself up. Feeling guilty for everything AND displacing that guilt and anger. Because yea, Dean's been there. And dean's dealt with Sam and John doing similar things too. He understands. And yea it sucks that he's once again putting the feelings of others first, but at the same time, that's his MO. He's the one who cares abt everyone. He's the beating heart of the narrative. And he loves cas. He does. So of course he's going to make sure Cas knows he's forgiven (was always forgiven! implicitly!) and that Cas matters to him. He's his best friend. He never wanted him to leave! (the cut "of course I wanted you to stay" IS canon to me. He said that part quietly, internally, ok).

I view the whole prayer as Dean giving Cas what he needs. Telling Cas what he needs to hear in that moment (and it's not that I think dean doesn't means these things, he does! but I think dean didn't think it needed to be said-- that Dean forgives Cas. that Cas matters to him. but again, Cas is not at his best. In normal circumstances I think Cas wouldn't need to hear it. But just as DEAN is doubting what's real, what matters, I think so is Cas. Yes he told Dean they were what's real, but a lot has happened since then. He let bel's words in hell get to him a bit, for one. He's now feeling out of place in his family, not sure if he ever mattered at all. And so he needs a little reassurance imo. And that's what the prayer scene is to me. It's not about Dean begging to be forgiven. It's dean giving Cas what he needs for Cas to be able to forgive himself.)

As for the stuff abt Dean apologizing for his "anger" -- anger that was justified and part of his grief (he is allowed to be upset that his "son" killed his mom!)-- and "groveling": I don't like it. I don't like that Dean is seemingly positioned as "the bad guy" and the reason for their separation when Cas was the one who CHOSE to leave instead of stay and work things out. And when Cas, in his own pain, stopped giving Dean "the benefit of the doubt."

However. Despite hating it all from a deangirl perspective, I think from DEAN'S own perspective, this IS stuff he believes about himself. Dean has his own fears and insecurities and I think being "angry" and "becoming John" are genuine fears. And I think it's important to remember that what characters say about themselves isn't the Objective Truth. We KNOW Dean is most often "not mad, worried." We KNOW Dean cares so so much and loves so fiercely. We know he's more than his "off" moments. We give him that benefit of the doubt. But Dean? He'll beat himself up for everything. And Cas echos this in the confession when he tells Dean "you see yourself how our enemies see you....You think that hate and anger, that's what drives you. It's not." As much as I think yea Cas should've said all this sooner, I think this part is indeed a response to Dean's prayer. And it's basically Cas saying, "yea all that stuff you said earlier abt always being angry and your anger being the problem, no you're wrong<3 and I do know that you care so so much. About me and jack and sam and the whole world. And everything you do comes from a place of love and good intentions."

Would I have liked to have heard Cas say all this immediately after the prayer and would it have been more effective in relaying the message that Cas doesn't think Dean is ruled by anger or that Dean needs to grovel for his forgiveness over it? yea. yea I think the confession coming 9 episodes later kind of breaks up the flow of this arc. But in this reading, I am willing to give Cas some grace. Right after the prayer they were still under a lot of stress to get back to earth and stop Chuck. Cas is also feeling conflicted abt his deal. Not knowing what he CAN say to Dean. What is even safe to say. And the fact that (imo) a big part of Cas's moment of happiness IS getting to tell Dean how good he is and not Just the declaration of love, just shows that maybe it Wasn't safe for Cas to say all these things to Dean earlier.

Anyways. This has gotten very long but I just wanted to offer a different perspective, that doesn't absolve Cas of his wrong-doings or the part he played in their separation, but is more considerate of Cas's own POV. AND shows Dean being thee heart of the narrative and giving Cas what Cas needs to hear, being emotionally intelligent, but also being just as insecure as anyone else re: his own self-image.

publishing this now because i think you're making a lot of sense and i cannot tell you how much i appreciate your perspective and the time you took to lay it out! i want to respond more thoroughly later but i didn't want to let this languish when it's so dang important and helpful.

[karmacharmeleon18]

Just close your askbox if you won't answer any questions ffs I was really interested in your opinion about San since he's my bias but you never post about him (I've seen you talk more about Jongho??) but obviously you're just another coward hater

Anon, anon, anon...

😔

Things that have happened to me since I've started talking about Ateez on Tumblr.com:

I've had people block me for no reason that I can discern

(we never interacted, and I only noticed because I can't reblog their posts when I see them on blogs of Atiny I follow)

I've had people reach out to me privately, asking me to write some Mingi meta, and to please tag them when I post it, and then block me a couple of days later

(maybe I wasn't quick enough? was that a direct order and my autistic brain just mistook it for a friendly offer to discuss Mingi, and I disappointed them when I disobeyed? Mind you, she's the same person that told me to "go make your own post" when I commented - positively - under her own Mingi meta, and when I apologized to her for being annoying she was perfectly civil and friendly, told me that she loves long comments so why are you apologizing?, complimented my knowledge of Ateez and Mingi, all very polite, until she blocked me after asking for more Mingi meta??? so I AM CONFUSHON like, I really don't understand what they wanted and what I did wrong?? people also told me she's a know fandom bully?????? So maybe I was just ignorant and fell into some sort of trap that I'm too stupid to understand???? idk)

I've seen people liking my posts "in secret" (ie with different blogs, not their Ateez-focused ones) and then not acknowledge my post at all with their Ateez-focused blogs

I've seen people mention my content on their blogs with their Atiny friends, without mentioning me (because maybe it would upset the people that have blocked me? maybe they want to reach a wider audience, and my name would put people off? someway? somehow?)

(Say My Name, Say My Name, SAY MY NAAAMEE)

I've had people that I've interacted with in a very friendly manner suddenly start ignoring me, to the point that I don't tag them in stuff anymore - they won't answer anyway - and don't reblog from them anymore either in case seeing my name in their notes might annoy them (I'm also debating unfollowing them, but I do like seeing their posts on my dash 😩)

And lately *drumroll*

I have received insults, death threats and suicide bait for daring to make a post about Ateez and plastic surgery

Though I'm kind of used to it, because I've already received lots if insults, death threats and suicide bait for the mild criticism I've directed towards San in the past

(I'm sorry to say this, but I've never met anyone as bloodthirsty as San biases? Yunho biases understand he has flaws and even agree with me; San biases stubbornly ignore his flaws, pretend they don't exist, pretend he's just an adorable little kitten and I lowkey feel offended on San's behalf? because his own fans diminish his character so much? He is a man, he is a professional, he is acting)

Though the hate and threats don't disturb me as much as the sudden stonewalling from people

I've started posting on tumblr because I was looking for a community that is just not there on tiktok or twitter (where long meta is impossible). But I'm actually debating going completely silent again or leaving altogether because I'm obviously not welcome

(And I understand why: my comments are always annoyingly long, I do have almost no filter, I am a bother; it makes sense that people on here got tired of me, but I am a human, and it upset me 🤷🏾‍♀️)

But right now any time I post something I feel guilty about taking up space in the tags. I have to keep telling myself that Atiny will enjoy videos about our lovely boys no matter what, and will just ignore the fact that I posted them, that they are on my blog; we are all adults (most of us) here, so surely they can tolerate that I posted something if they get a silly or hot video of Ateez out of it

And in the midst of all of this, you've been continuously asking me to take a baseball bat to the hornets nest that is San's sub-fandom

If taking some time for myself to recharge and put some distance between me and this community is cowardice, then yes, I'm a coward

(I call it survival instinct lol)

But sending me dozens of asks about the same topic won't magically change that? 🤷🏾‍♀️

I also really dislike the implications of your comment about Jongho. You seem to think that he's not worth talking about? You obviously think he's less worthy than San

And I just don't vibe with this type of behavior.

[ac3ofspad3s-on-ao3]

Today's fic friday is about: Money Can't Buy Happiness

MCBH was born from a whump prompt I saw on tumblr and like my other fics I could talk about everything I'd change now but that's fucking boring. So let's talk about the wider implications and also the sequel that's somewhere deep in my google drive.

Specifically, the dynamic of Kristin and Wilbur vs Phil and Tecchno.

Kristin is the Queen, Wilbur is the Prince and to the world outside the castle Phil and Techno are nothing more than their loyal guards, and slaves.

Like, it's kind of an open secret that Prince Wilbur and later Prince Tommy are Phil's sons. But if anyone were to voice that, well Kristin's the queen and that kind of accusation is an act of treason and treason means death. So no one says shit.

But like, it's pretty obvious, but even though it's obvious Phil and Techno are both hybrids, second class citizens, third class citizens really because they're legally property.

And the implications, oh the implications of first Techno and then Tommy not understanding what the fuck is going on because no one fucking explains it.

Techno who was bought but only after Phil pointed out every little flaw he could find to knock down the price. He doesn't understand that Phil's trying to help, that he had to bring down the price somehow so that he could buy Techno on Kristin's behalf. Then he's stuck thinking that the Queen will realize that he's as useless as Phil made him out to be and throw him out.

Prince Wilbur is covered in gold and despite the Queen and Phil being nice to him, giving him his own room, nice clothes and food from the neather Techno doesn't have any gold. They give Wilbur so much, but he's not given any so they must hate him or are waiting for him to fuck up so that they can get rid of him once and for all, maybe sell him to someone else. It gets cleared up eventually, he gets his gold and starts to feel like they won't throw him out.

Tommy's own misunderstanding of the dynamic was going to be explored in the sequel. A five year old who doesn't understand why his big brother Technoblade and his father stop smiling and hugging him when other people are around, how they call him Prince Theseus when ten minutes ago they were calling him Tommy and he was sitting in Techno's lap while he read him a story.

He gets so upset when he tries to hug Techno in the market but Techno doesn't return the hug, he just stands still and lets it happen. It's the same with Phil he'll give Tommy a little pat on the shoulder or carry him when he's tired but it's not the same as when it's just them. He's still so formal, he called Tommy by his full name and while he's still smiling it lacks that love and familiarity it has when it's just the family.

I was going to have someone eventually sit down with Tommy and explain it all in child friendly terms, I was thinking Phil at the time but I think Wilbur would be better. After all he experienced the same thing with Phil when he was a kid. I'm not sure on the ending, I think Tommy would understand but also hate it because it's not fair. Which could be good to lead into a third instalment maybe.

There was also a prequal considered for how Kristin and Phil met but that's been much less thought out and I have no plans to write the sequel much less a third installment, maybe some day. Maybe I'll rewrite the first and make it a trilogy of sorts but I doubt it.

[nshtn]

I just wanted to say that the symptoms you mentioned, kinda border on anxiety and paranoid schizophrenia which are VERY serious issues if not treated - I hope you’ll get the help you need! Too many of my favorite creators didn’t get that help and nothing good came out of it so I hope the matter will get solved for you 🙏

Also, have you considered only the psychotherapy (after finding the recommended psychotherapist to avoid any more trauma) for now at least? I personally can’t rely on drugs either (they’re too strong for my body) and I know that sometimes the psychotherapy can help a lot ❤️

I think that's really sweet of you to write. Thank you for taking the time to write it to me.

I was professionally diagnosed with O-OCD (but worse/weirder), autism, episodic akathisia and C-PTSD.

Personally, my symptoms are endemic to me. The overlap is not two circles on a venn diagram - it's one; it's "positive" when I finish reading many studies in a night of obsessed reading, but it's "negative" when the obsessive mind ruminates on moralizing delusions. It's "positive" when I can remember & recall vast swaths of information down to the receptor, "negative" when I can remember people down to predictability. It's never hurt anyone, but it's who I am.

I self-describe as someone with an obsessive personality. I don't think it needs further embellishing; sometimes people who I meet through my written works confuse the contents of portrayed romantic relationships with this descriptor, but it's not related at all - I don't stalk people or develop exponential bonds.

I do know and have known people with paranoid schizophrenia (and schizoids!) and while I can relate to experiencing delusions, I don't have it. I can tell you with 100% absolute certainty that I do not at all have paranoid schizophrenia.

The part of my brain that creates habit, the part that cements what is important, the part that filters out the thoughts normal people have of being poisoned or their own moral compass's chatterings - these are broken, and the result is this. (Plug OFC / striatal circuitry in OCD in Google Scholar... it's a whole thing!)

They are compounded when I have akathisia or stress. They've always felt like delusions to me, but to call them delusional is my own self-description. You can only say "obsession" and "compulsion" so much - I like to refer to them broadly as delusions of intent.

It's pretty normal for people with OCD to, for example (not necessarily myself):

Feel like they're being watched or judged, even by "mind readers" on the streets (the illusion of a crowd/mind reading)

Feel as if others they do not know already hate them before they've met and are poisoning them or that they are poisoning themselves (contamination ocd)

Feel as if others they do or do not know are incapable of following precise food safety instructions and must be closely monitored Or Else (contamination ocd)

Feel as if they are secretly not the sexuality they proclaim to be, that their labels are a falsehood, and that they do not love their partners (so-ocd)

Feel as if their deity will be upset if they do not pray hard enough or in a specific way or angle, and as if they must make up for it with rituals (r-ocd)

Feel as if every thought they have must be classified as Good or Bad, or even Good or Dangerous, and that they are secretly reprehensible (moralizing ocd, scrupulosity)

Feel 'ready to kill' or 'bloodthirsty' and morally ruminate w/ intrusive thoughts of harm, causing them to hide or shrink, feel physically ill, and neglect hobbies and hygiene (harm ocd) ('do it!' thoughts)

Experence intrusive thoughts about or regarding children with themes best undescribed, which causes them to feel physically ill and avoid children (p-ocd)

...and yet psychologists do not describe these as delusions. I do, though. It's only flavor. Nobody has to agree with me or my portrayal of my own illness - I am not a doctor and I do not speak on behalf of everyone with OCD.

OCD isn't just neatness, it's not just sorting things by color or pattern or time of day. It's not lining things in rows all the time or obsessive deep-cleaning. It is a terrifying disorder that tends to coincide with autism and disorders that are already considered to be psychospec.

To answer your question...

Most of the reason I can't get help from therapists and psychologists is because they're kind of a C-PTSD trigger. It's like if soldiers abducted you for a year and forced you to do horrible things, and then someone told you that you can go to the army to get better with soldiers.

Thank you though.

[puhpandas]

Evan and Greg are basically your oc's!, what is your interpretation of Micheal in the modern au. Also how does mike not see Evan as a person?

Also flashlight duo is super cute

Has Evan ever been bullied at school?

the ocification beam hit them too hard...

I view Michael in my flashlight duo universe as being like. not how a lot of people portray him. as in he doesnt lash out for a reason. he isnt acting that way towards Evan because William told him to.

it's for sure affected by William's own actions, but as in Michael subconsciously learned those things. he isn't even on William's side really. he sucks as a father to both of them. it's just that michael doesnt respect Evan enough to see him as someone who is supposed to be on his side

Michael subconsciously learned growing up that everything Evan is is bad. and the cool people his age see people like Evan as weak, so he does too.

he lacks any emotional maturity, so a lot of his actions towards Evan are out of his own boredom and resent. he genuinely thinks his reactions are funny. if he ever did realize what he did was wrong, he would have to actually realize. he knows fully that what he does hurts Evan. he just doesn't care. he hasn't developed the intuition he needs to care. you know?

and Michael is around 16 if evan is 12. it's not that hes too young to understand, it's the lack of good parenting, or literally parenting in general. if Evans life is hell because everyone around him hates him, then that means its true. it means the people in hurricane dont like people like Evan (a boy who at his age should be getting manlier, but isnt. sensitive and emotional and physically small and lanky. evan literally has anxiety and paranoia and is neurodivergent and people dont really acknowledge that but they notice. and they don't like it)

the people in their town suck and are mean and so is Michael's father. so of course hes going to stick to what hes been taught and to everybody else who also believes it and is on his side. he was never taught that what hes doing is wrong. hes a bad person but it's a product of horrible parenting and the worst town in the world

in contrast to Michael, in the neglect and bullying Evan has faced its made him kinder. he is the one facing it so he wants to be kind to others instead of being like the people he hates.

I dont want to say he would be more in tune with his emotions than Michael because he wouldn't be. before Gregory, he was so unstable and miserable he was just a big ball of anxiety and emotions. he didnt understand his emotions and have that country mile on Michael's own emotional maturity because he didnt have it in him to learn

and by that I mean he didnt even like himself enough to want to help himself. hed been taught that theres fundamentally something wrong with him that makes him bad and weird and not like anyone else who's impossible to 'fix'. and hed been hearing that since he was a young kid, so of course hed believe it.

but then Gregory comes alone and slowly tries to strip away what Evan had been taught just by being kind to him and repeating kind things. the opposite of what everyone else did.

and that is what makes Evan begin to change for the better. the first thing he learns is that Gregory doesn't think something is super wrong with him that makes him bad and stupid so he starts to believe it a little, too. he begins to see how maybe how hes being treated is unfair and its him seeing himself as worthy of kindness that makes him upset on his own behalf. and what that means is he has better self esteem when before he was so insecure he could never even defend himself a little bit

and its after he gains some respect for himself that he learns how to help himself. he actually thinks he deserves it now, so with his support system in Gregory and his family he learns how he works. he learns what his phobias are and what sets him off and how to calm himself down. and of course he hoped all the way through that changing could be what 'fixes' him and the people around him wouldnt hate him so much. but like I said before its that self respect that confirms it's for himself and not for others

of course that stuff doesnt go away, but he improves. the people around him do notice. they dont care enough to say anything, they're more just suprised or happy hes shutting up in that mean way of theirs. but I think after a while of Evan being comfortable with Gregory and improving himself he would one day just snap.

before, he had layers and layers of nervousness and fear and anxiety and insecurity stopping his very high emotions from boiling over. and with the newfound respect for himself comes the anger on his own behalf of how hes treated.

so i feel like one day he would just blow up with all the emotion without the insane amount of fear stopping him. and it doesnt help, not really.

before, evan wanted to please michael and his father. but now that he wants them to know how much he hates them and how much they hurt him, they are pleased.

he gained more respect but in the worst way. not the way he wanted.

but back to their relationship, I think post-all of this, evan wouldnt want anything to do with him. let's say Michael does have a wake up call when they're both older. hes already ruined his relationship so much its unsalvageable. he caused evan to develop fundamental issues rooted deep (anxiety and paranoia, general things he learned about the world and certain people/groups and traits that he'll have to remind himself arent true) inside of him.

his family had their chance and they blew it hard. evan is definitely in the right to want nothing to do with him or William and to continue growing up and living and laughing with his actual family in his heart. they never get to make it official, but that doesn't matter.

anyway I went on like. a lot lol. for anyone who havent read my oneshot series this is based completely off of that au of mine and in my mind is canon to every oneshot if you do read them. thanks for enabling me to talk about flashlight duo lol you can tell I put so much thought into them every day its crazy

edit: to answer your actual questions lol: it's not that Michael literally doesn't see Evan as a human person, it's that he doesnt respect him enough to treat him with human respect. you know? everything evan is he has been taught is bad and worthless so that's what he thinks. so by extension evan is too

and yeah evan does get bullied at school. I always imagined it was less bullies pushing him into lockers and stealing his lunch money (Williams ass does not give him lunch money let's be real) and more that they just treat him awful. hes either invisible or in the way and then they dont care to be super rude to him. they dont just spout their exact thought process out but they all think of him badly and view him as a big joke. its less blatant meanness and more just treating him awful in general and that's what makes Evan think its normal and that hes asking for it when its not.

[tinysnailtales]

Thoughts from reading Yona of the Dawn Ch. 5

Ch.5 in summary: a frozen and numb Yona begins to stir and awaken back to life after being cared for by an extra dedicated Hak.

Once again, present Yona is a reflection of past Yona – she has shut down and isn't eating, is numb/depressed and neglecting taking care of herself/life.

Luckily, present Yona still has Hak to act as a caregiver and force her to keep going.

"If you don't want fish, I can catch a bird" – amongst the pain, HELLO Hak is the most adorable provider.

"She's getting weaker and weaker. And not just physically. Time's passing, but she still can't face the reality of the situation. His majesty's death...Soo-Won's betrayal..."

Yona is completely vulnerable in front of Hak and he is so gentle with her even as he's disheartened by her state, it's really sweet.

But while Yona is stuck in the moment of Soo-Won's betrayal and too numb to face reality, perhaps Hak is only focused on keeping moving and isn't fully letting himself face his own feelings about what happened or think them through. He's neglecting himself to prioritize the princess and sticking with snap judgments.

Yona's literal nakedness in front of Hak emphasizes her vulnerability and reliance on him. And while she is comfortable with him, in her state she doesn't even have the capacity to feel embarrassment or shame.

Hak would also probably make a bigger deal about seeing Yona naked, but her wellbeing comes first. However, he isn't completely immune to his attraction and romantic affection, dashing off as soon as he can and thinking "Crap, don't get any funny ideas. Normally she would have hit me." He tries to stop indecent thoughts even if that element is still there, but ultimately, his thoughts go back to her condition.

"How long...is she going to be in this condition? She doesn't eat. She goes wherever I put her. She's like a doll."

Hak cares about the real Yona, not her appearance, not her status. He wishes for and misses the Yona that would have hit him. He doesn't want a beautiful puppet, he wants Yona and her full fire and personality.

My heart also just breaks for her. Thank goodness she has someone to rely on and take care of her in this moment of brokenness.

"Are you happy now...? The years we spent together...the princess who adored you...you destroyed them all. Are you satisfied...Soo-Won?" – Hak is PISSED. And on Yona's behalf for the most part. He has some "if you won't hate Soo-Won, then I will" energy. Focusing on "how could you do this to her" over "how could you do this to me?"

I think he also questions how anyone could throw all of that away–the bonds they had and the adoration of Princess Yona.

Hak's discovery of the hairpin gives him a specific anger too. How could she have kept it after what happened? He realizes that Yona still cherishes Soo-Won. This gives him extra rage and pain as he deals with the fallout and sees how Soo-Won's actions have affected Yona.

Hak knows Yona, he knows how much the hairpin means to her and that she's looking for it. It's the symbol of her affection for Soo-Won (and maybe to her, a bit of a symbol of Soo-Won's affection for her?), and she's not ready to part with it.

But he knows where it is and he's not going to say anything. At least not yet. He's upset. And he wants her to move on and face the truth of what Soo-Won did.

"I don't need that thing. I don't need it at all" – Yona tries to tell herself she doesn't need to hold on to Soo-Won, but she can't let go. He meant too much to her for too long.

Like what he told her– "I think your hair's wonderful. It's the color of the sky at dawn" – he was her light and hope. She is haunted by his words.

It is interesting that it's Soo-Won's words that prophesize what I assume is Yona's future role– she will be the dawn, bringing hope and a new era.

HANDS

When Soo-Won slapped Yona's hand away I said that there are important ~hand moments~ in this story and ignore the whole excuse of having to go to the bathroom and look! at! this! hand! grab! Look at the close-up and the middle panel! And he doesn't let go until she leaves.

Yona continues to be haunted by Soo-Won's words, only this time they are words from the other side of him. She is stuck in the moment of his betrayal and her father's death. She tries to block it out ("I don't want to hear this. I don't want to hear anymore"), but it's all she can hear, it's all she can see.

And this happening as she searches for the hairpin, the symbol of her affection for Soo-Won– she is conflicted, torn in half and confused about what to think and feel. It's all too much at once. And it's either that or the numbness.

She's stuck and can't move forward.

It feels like this moment opens Yona's eyes, to Hak specifically. Like she finally realizes he's there, caring for her.

And as with hating Soo-Won, Hak says "if you won't care about yourself, then I will care about you."

"Think of me as a tool. With his majesty gone...you are my master. Use me however you have to...to survive. That's...why I'm here."

THIS MOMENT

What a contrast to young Hak resisting serving the king and not wanting to be heir to the Wind Tribe or Yona's guard. Now it has become his purpose in life to protect Yona. He fully puts her above his own safety and life. He doesn't even seem to value himself and his own life at all, or at the very least views himself as a means to an end. Like he's a shield more than a person. And this moment reflects why he gave in to this life– for Yona specifically.

But Yona is clearly affected by this moment and statement from Hak. He's getting through to her, in more ways than one.

Yona finally sees outside of herself. And feels something in general, breaking from the numbness. She worries for Hak and is upset that he's hurt (and got hurt protecting her). And this feeling will continue to follow her and propel her forward.

Hak of course, though clearly in pain, shrugs it off for her sake.

"I'll never forgive Soo-Won. But the important thing is that...I want you to live. Looking for that hairpin...was the first thing you did of your own volition since we entered the mountains. Right now...I need something to hold you together. It doesn't matter what it is. Even if...it's a feeling you can't let go of."

Hak says "fuck that guy, but if he keeps you alive, then I'll accept. You're more (most) important"

HAK, you are a star this chapter. So many great moments and keeps saying what Yona needs to hear.

Her affection for Soo-Won and desperation to hold onto it might have stirred her awake and made her act, but Hak getting injured and saving her is what will really keep her going.

Yona is truly seeing the light (and is gorgeous)

She kind of parallels how Hak ends the last chapter– looking up (forward?) and this is progress from her place at the end of the last chapter, moving from emptiness and sorrow to seeing more.

Yona says "you say you're fine, but I don't believe you!!! And that won't stop me from worrying and caring!"

Whether it was his actions or his words or Yona's concern for him (or all of the above!), Yona continues to emerge from her cocoon to the point of offering thoughts on their situation.

And Hak is taking Yona to his homeland as a place of safety, which feels symbolic.

This chapter is basically: Hak, the man that you are. But it's also beautiful to see Yona start to break free from her depressed state.

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🦇 Perfect on Paper Book Review 🦇

❓ #QOTD What's the best advice you've ever received or given? ❓ 🦇 High school junior Darcy Phillips has a secret identity as the relationship advice expert behind Locker 89. Leave a letter along with $10 and she'll provide the perfect solution to your relationship woes. So far, she hasn't been caught...that is, until Alexander Brougham catches her collecting letters. He'll keep her secret...if she can fix his relationship post-break-up, that is. Can Darcy help Brougham win his girlfriend back (without strangling the entitled, rich, yummy-Australian-accent-slinging swimmer) in the process?

💜 Perfect on Paper was nominated for a Goodreads Choice Award (Best Young Adult Fiction - 2021) and it's no wonder. This was the exact book bisexual baby me needed a decade ago. Though I've read a multitude of books featuring bisexual FMCs, Sophie Gonzales is the first to capture the authenticity of internalized biphobia. I'll admit I was sheltered enough that it took me a while to realize bi was even an option for me. Bisexual erasure didn't help; once I self-identified, I was given the oh-so-cliche, "that's not real," and "it's just a phase." Bitch, I'm a moon goddess; I'm in a new phase every day of my life. ANYWAY. Darcy is authentic in her concern that a crush over a guy invalidates her bi-ness. The Queer & Questioning Club scene where Darcy's community validates her was everything (and truly got me misty-eyed).

💜 The advice column aspect of the story was brilliant. Darcy's letters are written in a tone that's patient and empathetic yet informative and encouraging. She'd obviously done her research and it shows, but you see her mentally unravel the moment there's personal bias and it's BEAUTIFUL. Darcy isn't perfect. She's a high schooler, still figuring herself out. Yes, she's flawed, but she's also self-aware, willing to grow and change and take her own advice (or the advice she gets from her AMAZING trans big sister, who I adored).

💜 While this is a queer YA romance, there are so many layers beyond that. There's a mixed bag of diversity and personal trauma (and with that, potential for growth) to explore.

💙 The story DID take a minute to pick up speed, so the beginning left me waiting for a catalyst for momentum. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm no a fan of the miscommunication trope. HOWEVER, it does fit here, and proves how easily a tiny moment of misunderstanding can completely alter the course of a friendship. I did have to put the book down at one point, when Darcy's best friend outs her (I was super frustrated on Darcy's behalf because that betrayal was intense). I was disappointed that no one stepped forward and THANKED Darcy for her advice when she was getting attacked as the person behind Locker 89. People were upset BEFORE their letters were taken, but no one thanked Darcy until LONG after the situation cooled. Given Darcy's self-proclaimed success rate (was there a mention of HOW she knew she was successful, beyond the lack of refunds?), I expected a lot more praise for her abilities beyond one person.

🦇 Recommended to fans of Leah on the Offbeat and Imogen, Obviously, with a hint of To All the Boys I've Loved Before and Netflix's Sex Education.

✨ The Vibes ✨ 💌 Bisexual FMC (w/ Internalized Biphobia) 💌 Queer Young Adult Rom-Com 💌 Lots of Rep 💌 Hate-to-Love 💌 Friends to Lovers 💌 POC Sapphic Side Ship

💬 Quotes ❝ "Do you think there’s a chance that [...] you’re intellectualizing things so you don’t have to, you know, feel them?" ❞ ❝ I was sitting in the space between a sound and its echo. Brougham had asked a question, and I had to answer it. It was that, or keep dreaming about love, and working toward helping others find it, while never letting myself risk it. ❞ ❝ In some ways, we mirrored each other. We shared cracks in complementary places. ❞ ❝ Bi people are part of the queer community, and their identity does not change depending on who, if anyone, they happen to have feelings for or date at any given moment. ❞

[gasmeros]

May I haps ask about the solstice kidnapping zuko AND the zuko jumping one? That smiley face makes me so nervous

ok so the solstice kidnapping one is basically all plotting with a few lines of actual prose that are totally unrelated, so uh. don't actually really have a snippet to share there hhhhhhhh. but basically, there was this post ages ago that got popular, got a lot of fanfic spin offs actually. i just wanted to do my own take on it. the post is here

to sum up, during the winter solstice episode (the one where the gaang fly into the fire nation to go talk to roku for the first time), zhao locks the water siblings up with zuko instead of chaining them to pillars, and they end up talking, and the sibs learn about how zuko got his scar, and thus the gaang basically adopts zuko.

so it's like. imagine that but with my style dialogue and extra whump cuz im me. here's a bit from my plotting:

commence operation learn more about zuko through various kidnappings. from here on, the formula is zuko chases aang, aang kidnaps zuko :) zuko fucking hates this. each kidnapping reveals a bit more information about zuko's circumstances, and last a lil bit longer than the last. at some point the gaang officially decides that zuko is really just a proxy for their real enemy (the fire lord), and they're gonna try their damnedest to sway zuko out of his mindset, or at the very least not cause any harm to him while they defend themselves. zuko's fuckin confused cuz why are they refusing to fight?? to the point where he gives them opportunities to hit him back in combat just to verify that they're actively choosing only defense. that pisses them off cuz what if they weren't doing that? dude??

i actually have two variants branching off this prompt, the other is technically better plotted? that one's the s1 soltice to boat au. basically the same start, but then the gaang starts camping out on zuko's boat with immunity due to a technicality in a promise zuko made to them. here's some of that plotting cuz i feel bad not having actual writing to share with either of them ahdmhsjg

so we get Bison Time, wherein zuko's still not a fan of anything that's happening, but compared to how he was acting with zhao, he's downright pleasant. which is not to say that he's actually pleasant, he is very much being an angry brat who's like one second away from trying to fight them while still on the bison. the siblings have a lot of questions, because what zhao said about banishment and two years searching and public executions was fucking wack and they need to know why he said that, why zuko fought so hard that he thought burning his mouth as bad as he did was an acceptable trade off. they know why, but they need to hear it.

zuko does not let them hear it. he yells and doesn't answer any questions and demands they put him down or else. bits about the mouth burns obviously bothering him, just cuz im me and im predictable

they end up going to drop him off at his ship cuz his crew wont attack without a command, and zuko's not so dumb to make them attack the bison he's on. they end up making him swear to not do anything until after they fly away

Eventually theyre able to land on zuko's ship without risk of zuko being arrested. zuko keeps his word and doesn't let anyone attack until after they leave, and THEN. aang is a smartass and takes advantage of that by just. not flying away :) so zuko can't do anything, cuz then he'd break his word!! that's pretty fuckin dishonorable!! zuko would like to murder aang.

so yyeah. sorry for the dud ask there.

PART 2!!!! zuko jumping :) is about a suicide attempt :))) sorry agsjshf. basically zuko goes to offer his help to the gaang in s3, they reject him, and he just. has nothing left to do with his life?? like he can't go *back,* and he can't do what he set out to do, so.

viewer discretion advised for this snippet, obviously. like the snippet isn't that part, but still, the context might be enough to want to avoid.

Katara's gaze is worried, and she's always been too good at reading him. "Aang? What's wrong?"

He knows he shouldn't say anything, that Zuko's hardly comfortable letting Aang see his suffering, let alone the rest of his "maybe, sort of, don't want to be but am" enemies. Not when they're the reason he—

Aang starts bawling.

i have no idea if i intend to finish this one. it's just not something im sure i know how to handle appropriately.

[positivelybeastly]

hi! I'm the anon who sent the icebeast playlist ask. It was actually nice to get some actual context on what's been going on with Bobby and Hank to get them to this point- I'm reading chronologically right now and I'm still in the 60s, (though I have read some more scattered modern runs here and there) so my knowledge is limited. I love both characters quite a lot but i can definitely see why you're upset on Hank's behalf in those interactions :( . I'm not gonna defend Bobby here, because while even with my limited knowledge I can piece together some reasons for why Bobby responded the way he did and fucked that conversation up, there's no justification and he definitely needs to make it up to Hank. Thanks again for the context, I really and truly love seeing nuanced takes on character dynamics and sometimes that nuance gets messy when it comes to looking at what actually happened in the text as opposed to what one might have preferred to happen.

Oh, hey, hello there!

First off, I want to say - if anyone has a meme prompt that they want to send in, like this playlist meme, but they don't have an RP blog, you're still good to send things in on Anon! That's what Anon is for, precisely because you, my Anonymous friend, sent in the playlist ask, and now it's opened up a whole conversation and people are learning more about comic book characters who, let's face it, have SO MUCH history. SO MUCH.

Being able to just get the highlights or even an attempt at a throughline makes such a difference, honestly - it gives you a coherent story where you can go, okay, I want to see more of THAT, and that's when you can just go, hey, where can I read more of this storyline or this writing style or this character. Comics are so much more legible and easy to break into when you can pick a character or a dynamic or a storyline, and just go from there. It's still a massive problem, all these years on, and Marvel and DC don't make it easy with their confusing numbering systems and constant retcons.

With that said . . . hoo, you're starting off in the 60s? I am. Kinda sorry, friend, that is a rough time, I can only do so much Lee/Kirby X-Men before I just start breaking out into hives. When you get into the early 70s, and especially when Claremont takes over, though, man, you're in for a treat!

And it's also - I feel like it's really important for me to state my biases, because I am biased. I love Hank. I write him a lot. I've read . . . probably the lion's share of his comics. He's kind of a personal inspiration, in some ways, and he was really influential to me when I was a kid due to various body related issues.

So I'm inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt, and I maybe tend to side with him by default, but that's usually why I include the panels when I talk about these things, so that you can see them and have your own take on it, so you can see why I came to that interpretation. There's nothing I hate more than comic book fans who will tell you how a storyline or a character goes, and their back-up for it is, that's the way I remember it, and then you go and read it and it's completely fuckin' different. Fucking annoys the piss out of me.

And I want people to feel like they can argue with me! I love talking about messy character dynamics, and character who fuck up and make bad choices, because that's how life is and how people are, that's how I am and how you are. Especially since I know what and why Hank was feeling in a particular moment, why he needed Bobby so much and Bobby let him down, but I don't know where that sits in Bobby's story. Maybe I'm being harsher on him than I should be, and I welcome that discussion, that's a conversation worth having!

If I wasn't open to interpretation of these characters by other people, I would solely write fanfic - and, to be fair, I do - but I mostly roleplay, because I love the windows into the soul. I love the moments when characters click or don't, because it reveals essential truths, it hits you in the gut, it's fucking satisfying, man.

And honestly, there's so much about Hank's story that I wish had gone differently. So many character dynamics that have fallen by the wayside, that made them better - remember when Hank and Emma used to be best friends? Yeah! That used to be a thing! So getting to play that out here, with friends and talented roleplayers and talented roleplayer friends (lbr, these three things are the same thing) is just a joy.

Thank you for the asks, friend!