#and I get bad brain fog and can't always remember words

[torchickentacos]

Things my middle-aged mother has said that caught me off guard and made me have to pause whatever I was doing and laugh:

Huge if true

Canon

Shrimps is bugs (WHERE DID SHE LEARN THIS ONE????)

Will update as more come in

[sevenrenny]

Recently a relative asked me why I'm 'suddenly' always sick and that I was so healthy as a kid.

I was never a healthy kid. I was always in pain, but nobody believed me. I complained I had moments of dizziness, momentary visual blurriness and blindness, moments where I couldn't balance myself, and intense migraines so bad I fantasized popping a hole in my skull hoping that would get whatever was hurting me out of my head. I had days where it was just brain fog, but I was too young to know the word 'brain fog'. I'd have days where I was in so much pain I'd vomit.

But I got scolded for 'faking it' for attention or to get out of school. I got punished for 'being lazy'. So little by little, I learned complaining about constant pain that made me suicidal would make things worse for me. People punished me for telling them I was hurting, so I shut up.

Even when I became quiet about it, there were things I couldn't hide and my family rug-swept them: I passed out at school a few times from intense pain. I had multiple intestinal issues my family told me were normal, that 'it happens to everyone', telling me that 'Your dad had that happen so many times' while chuckling like it was funny. Every time, they waited for me to 'stop being dramatic' until I started screaming and writhing on the floor and they finally got me to the ER, scolding me the whole time for 'not saying anything sooner'.

During one of those visits, a doctor found a large tumor I was choking on. He found it by accident when he was putting a tube down my throat. I'd been having trouble breathing, but my family accused me of lying, and I'd started to think I was imagining it. Upon discovering the tumor, my mom's reaction was to scold me for giving myself a tumor.

After the tumor removal, the doctor had told her something seemed odd, and he talked with my mom for a bit but I can't remember what they said. We never went back to this doctor. When I asked my mom about it later, she told me the doctor was stupid and he had no idea what he was doing. (It was in my 20s when I went to check on my intestinal issue that the doctor told me he suspected I had gastroparesis, which he later confirmed it was.)

I struggled with classes because of the combination of undiagnosed medical issues, undiagnosed ADHD, undiagnosed dyscalculia, and having panic attacks (later got diagnosed with c-PTSD). My mom threatened to marry me off or kick me out of the house for almost failing math. I was sworn at, told horrific things that still stick with me (and the rest of the family blamed me for 'being lazy' and making her angry with me). I was a kid and couldn't understand why existing hurt, why, if it was so 'normal' to be in consent agony, everyone else seemed to not be struggling like me. I couldn't wrap my head around why everything that seemed so easy for everyone else was almost impossible for me.

It wasn't until an online friend asked me if I had some sort of disease because I was constantly in the hospital. I told her, "No, not really. What's the average number of times someone's in the hospital?" She said, "Renny, I've never once been to the ER." She was older than me. It was then that it clicked for me. I'd been so convinced that all of this was normal, that I was behind everyone else in life because I must be just a weak person because I was so behind even when I gave it my hardest.

I wasn't behind because I was weak. I was behind because I was never given the assistance I needed.

As soon as I became an adult and financially independent, I started seeking medical help. Got diagnosed with severe chronic migraines and other illnesses typically comorbid with chronic migraines and gastroparesis. (There are some issues I can't get medical help for in my country, so those will have to wait). I'm on medications now. Because of gastroparesis, pills didn't work for me too well, so a friend taught me how to use autoinjectors. I have friends who actually help me, give me advice, drive me to my appointments, and just be there for me emotionally.

Being medicated has made being alive so much more bearable. I can actually live my life now. Yes, I still have days where I'm in pain (not just migraines, but my other conditions, most of which don't have any treatments to manage them) but it's such a massive improvement from where I was before. I'm happier. I go to therapy. I found people I can talk about my pains and conditions freely to without being told I'm faking it or lazy. I don't work myself to the bone anymore; I shouldn't be giving my 100% to a job that refuses me accommodations when I'd need most of that to manage my health.

I'm back to complaining about pain because, before my family trained me to shut up about it, I was doing it right from the beginning. I'm supposed to complain about pain. Just because I can talk about it freely now, doesn't mean I was never sick before. Just because I'm on medications now, doesn't mean I didn't need them years ago.

I'm happier now as an adult. You just don't like that I'm visible about my illnesses now. It makes you uncomfortable that I self-administer injections, that I talk about my health the way that I want to. The thought of chronic illness makes you uncomfortable; you liked it better when I was quiet. You'd rather I don't find diagnoses for my illnesses, because, in your logic, if I don't go get the diagnosis then I'm not sick.

I was never a healthy kid. You just don't want to admit you went along with the rest of the family to abuse a disabled kid for being disabled.

[iplaywithstring]

What it can be like to live with mild ME/CFS (individual experiences will vary)

chronic fatigue - this one may seem obvious but remember that fatigue isn't the same as tiredness. It's heavy, bone deep, and makes even simple tasks difficult

muscle weakness - going up stairs, lifting a glass of water and even speaking can be difficult. Sometimes I can't open the fridge.

Dysautonomia - my autonomic nervous system is messed up. It means low blood pressure, dizzy spells, poor temperature regulation, and orhtostatic intolerance (which leads to horrible nausea)

Brain fog - words disappear from my vocabulary. I forget what I was talking about in the middle of a sentence. I can't follow a conversation or a tv show. Reading comprehension is non-existent (all of this is great while being a master's student).

Short term memory issues - possibly related to brain fog, but a separate thing because I don't realize the memory issues are happening until someone points it out. Great when my kid tells me something and not only do I forget the information, but have no memory of having the conversation.

Flu-like symptoms - chills, nausea, weakness, muscle and joint aches. Do I have a virus or did I do too much? Who knows. Constant fear I'm going to be Actually Sick and not realize it because I always just assume it's a bad day.

Inability to work full time - I tried this, it did not go well, even with a pretty low activity job. I am not sure if I'll ever be able to work full time because mental activity has the same effects as physical activity.

Unrefreshing sleep - It doesn't matter if I sleep for 3 hours or 8, I'll likely feel the same when I wake up. Monitoring my heart rate variability (HRV, a good measure of energy levels taking into account CNS function) has shown that sometimes I even have less energy when I wake up. Joy.

So maybe this is a bit of a rant, but it's also a reminder that even a mild form of this illness (I'm so lucky to be mild!) is life-altering and has an effect on pretty much every thing I do.

I have privilege - thanks to my partner we are financially stable if I don't work, I have access to medical care and if I'm unable to take care of things, I have support. I am happy and I have been able to create a life that feels good and fulfilling even while I manage my symptoms.

I got sick in 2010, after a viral infection - no idea what virus but I had a pretty high fever and felt miserable for a few days. Not sick enough to go to the hospital, but enough that I knew I was sick. It's moving into winter in the northern hemisphere, where viral infections tend to rise.

Take care of yourself and the people around you. Get your covid and seasonal flu vaccines. Stay home if you're sick, wear a mask in public. I don't want you to get sick like I am.

[fieldofdaisiies]

Ars Amatoria | ch. XXII

-all rights reserved-

Elucien AU word count: 2,7k words warnings: none

masterlist

"Lucien?" Elain's head lifts a little, as she blinks her swollen eyes open. 

She feels a little groggy and confused as consciousness slowly seeps back into her. She blinks her eyes and things become clearer around her. The room is dimly lit, and there is faint smell of herbs in the air. The throbbing ache in her head reminds her that something bad has happened before everything went black. She wants to clear the fog from her mind and tries to shift a little on the bed, but a sharp pain erupts in her head and her right shoulder. 

All this pain disappears into nothingness, though, when she feels the soft brush of lips against her forehead, her husband's scent embracing her like a warm coat in winter. "I am here, Elain," Lucien assures her in a soft and tender voice, his hand grabbing hers firmly. "Don't worry, you are safe. We are home." 

The hand that is not holding hers brushes over her head —always careful of the wound—, through her tangled hair, some strands sticking together due to the blood. 

Elain tips her back a bit, glancing up at her husband. But he is blurry, her whole vision is blurry. 

She can't quite make out his beautiful face and so she lifts her hand, tentatively as her movements are weak, and brushes her finger tips over his jaw, then his cheek. 

"You are alright," she whispers and a small, weak smile graces her face. "You are not injured." 

Her head is resting in her husband's lap she then realises and slowly her sense start to sharpen and she starts to remember bits and pieces of what happened, piecing them together until the fog in her head clears. And so does her vision. 

She takes in her husband's bruised face that is adorned with small cuts and a split lip. She feels small cracks appear in her heart at seeing her Lucien like this. She brushes the tip of her index finger over the split in his lip, her own mouth pouting as she does so. And then more memories trickle into her brain and she lowers her hand, sniffing lightly. "Eris…is he…is he?" "He is alright." Her brother-in-law's voice sounds from somewhere in the room, low but steady, and it brings a small smile upon Elain's face. A kernel of relief blooms inside of her — the two brothers are safe and well. Her family is. But what about the others…

"Did anyone get injured severely? Is anyone—?" Her voice breaks and she can't continue, tears bubbling up in her eyes when more memories return to her — the metallic rasps when the swords were drawn, the shocked screams of the churchgoers, the clinking of knifes and swords that collided, the wails of those who got injured and those who tried to flee, the blood, the destruction, the—

"Mother is well and Azriel should be alright. There is a chance he will never be able to use his left hand again as they crushed it, but other than that…he should be fine. Four people died at the hand of the conspirators, but they could be stopped before more harm was done."

Lucien watches how Eris' head is hanging low, his forearms braced on his elbows, as he stares at the ground. Pain and disappointment, and frustration radiates from every fibre of his body, and stretches out like a dark cloud. 

What happened here today, in Florence, and to the people of this city, was one of the worst tragedies  that could come over people. Not knowing if you can escape, if you will die, if you will lose your children at the hand of an assassin. 

Elain's throat feels dry, the back of her mouth aching a little and her eyes close for a moment as exhaustion washes over her. Or is it pain? Whatever it is, it makes her lids feel heavy and her whole being a little drowsy. "And what…what happened to—?" she whispers through barely parted lips, not being able to finish her sentence.

"Hybern?" Lucien asks, his voice cautious. He waits for an answer of his wife and it follows soon, with a barely-there dip of her chin. 

"He was hanged from the Palazzo della Signoria, just like his companions, his conspirators." 

The words taste like bile in Lucien's mouth and he finds it hard to speak them. But he knows that the pain Eris even more. Taking measures like this is never easy and Lucien knows that this decision will haunt his older brother forever. 

Eris cringes a little and slowly gets up from his chair. "I will…I will check on Azriel if that is alright?" he asks, not being able to listen to how Lucien now will explain everything to Elain. He can't hear it right now, can't have the happenings repeated. He needs a moment. A moment alone. A moment with Azriel, as Azriel is the only person that manages to fully calm him, to make him feel at ease.

"It is fine," Lucien answers his brother, and tips his head. "Take your time." 

Eris walks up to him and clasps his shoulder, no more conversation passing between them. But no more words are needed, everything is said through their eyes. Thank you. Thank you for being my brother. Thank you for being by my side. Thank you for supporting me. I am always here for you. 

Lucien waits until the door falls shut and Eris is gone. "They have all been taken care off. No need to worry anymore." 

"Everyone?" Elain asks with a trembling voice, everything coiling inside of her. She blinks her eyes rapidly and Lucien nods his head, his eyes closing. "Yes."

"But Briar?" Elain asks, her voice almost like a shriek, as she jerks up and cringes at the sudden pain. Lucien brushes his hand over head again, slowly and soothingly and opens his eyes. "Exile, my love. Don't worry, she did not have to pay with her life."

"She probably did not know!" Elain supports Briar and deep inside his heart Lucien thinks so as well, but they couldn't risk it and exile is still so much better than death. 

They can start a new life, and neither Tamlin nor Briar is alone, they still have each other and they will manage to survive and maybe one day live a good life again. 

Elain becomes Lucien's anchor in the aftermath of the tragic day, and being with her is all he needs in this moment. 

He knows that Eris is feeling exactly the same, he after all is his brother, and so it only makes sense that he went out to see Azriel, to check on him. Lucien's feels exhausted, so do his bones and his whole body. Today has been a lot, a lot they have not been prepared for. They could have been prepared for it, but none of them expected that the Hybern family would act so quickly. 

Elain and Lucien hold hands, finding comfort in their familiar touch. Each little squeeze, each brush of Lucien's other hand over her head, speaks volumes, conveying the words the can't speak at the moment. 

Both are too tired, too worn, to talk. But they don't need to speak to communicate.

 I am here for you. I got you. You are safe. It is all there in their touches. And it is not only their touches, Lucien and Elain keep eye-contact, despite the heaviness of their lids and the exhaustion that settles over them. The room and world around them disappears into nothingness, in this moment it is just the two of them, just Elain and Lucien. 

"I was so worried," Lucien breathes. "When I saw you lying there. I thought the worst. And I thought—" His throat bobs as he swallows thickly. "I thought that if you don't make it out alive, I don't want to live on." 

Elain's lips part and she lowers both her hands to the mattress, pushing herself up despite the pain in her shoulder and head. Lucien wants to stop her, but she does not let him, until she sits in front of him, so she can face him, her legs crossed beneath her. 

"Lucien," she breathes, his eyes locked with his. "Don't say something like this." "You are my life, Elain Vanserra. Believe it or not, but a life without you is not worth living. I don't want to be alive if I no longer have you in it. You have my soul to keep, my heart is all yours as well, and you blessed me with the best gift that I have ever known." 

Tears tumble down Lucien's cheeks, his chest heaving and his shoulders shaking with silent sobs as he lays his heart bare for Elain. "You gave me purpose. You gave my life purpose. Before you…I only lived day by day. Now I am living for a future with you. For a family with you. To see you smile, to make you happy. And you make me happy, with simple being in my life. I love you, Elain, more than words can describe." 

He sniffs and Elain's whole body is trembling, she is shaking as she is crying due to his words. "With you my journey came to an end and I was no longer lost. I am in the here and now with you." He grins through his tears as he pulls his wife to him, his arms curling around her. Elain also lifts her arms and despite the pain in her shoulder, wraps them around Lucien's shoulders as she slides onto his lap. 

She lets out a loud exhale, her breath trembling with her sobs. She buries her face into Lucien's shoulder, her chest rising and falling with her cries. The tears flow freely, rolling down her cheeks as she lets all her emotions break free. She is wetting Lucien's shirt, but she can't stop the tears, not after what he said. 

Lucien holds her close, his embrace bringing her solace and showing her his unconditional love. She knows, deep in her heart, that he is the best thing that has ever happened to her. 

Her husband. Her other half. Her Lucien.

Her words are choked when she finally finds her voice. "I love you so much. To the moon and back and even further. And you are were so wrong, Lucien." She turns a little and kisses the side of his neck. 

"You are so damn good with words. So much better than I am." Elain giggles lightly through her tears and feels how Lucien's chest rumbles against hers, as he grabs her tighter and pulls her even closer. 

"I will never forgive myself for leaving you in our wedding night—" His voice quivers, trailing off as he struggles to find the strength to continue.

But Elain cuts him off, his self-blame not necessary. She knows he is remorseful about it, but she has long forgiven him, knowing his reasons for it. "It is forgotten, Lucien. And I forgave you long ago." 

Her words heal some part of his soul, reminding him of her good and kind heart and her forgiveness.  

He feels her lips press against the side of his neck, her touch tender and caring. He feels the wetness of her tears on his skin and holds her as tightly as possible. 

✢ ✢ ✢

"Thought after the tragedy yesterday, you could need a little light in your life," Jurian says as he sheepishly smiles at Elain and Lucien, both of them still in bed, Elain still recovering from her attack, her wounds slowly healing after Madja put some medication on them. 

Elain waits patiently, having an inkling of what the rectangle hidden beneath the large sheet could be. 

"Instead of finishing Mars and Venus, I allowed myself to continue with the drawing of just you." Elain's eyes widen, her lips parting a little. Lucien leans forward, his interest piqued at what Jurian is aiming at. "Ready?" Jurian asks, grinning from one ear to the other as both him and Vassa take one corner of the sheet into their hands. 

"Always." Lucien raises his brows, eyes aglow as anticipation fills every fibre of his body. It is a spark of light inside of him during the rather gloomy time. 

Jurian counts down and then they lift the sheet, revealing a stunning picture of Elain beneath it. "I call this the Birth of Venus. And I know…I said I will only finish it later, but using the sketches I had, I could do it earlier." 

If it is possible, Jurian's grin intensifies even more, and so does Vassa's. She looks at her lover in pure admiration, pride lacing her features at the masterpiece he created. 

"Jurian, you truly are the only one that can capture my wife's beauty." 

Almost like driven by some external force, Lucien gets up from the bed and walks up to the painting, his eyes wide open, just like his mouth, as he traces his index finger over the painting. "So stunning." "Just like your wife is in real life." Vassa grins from one ear to the other as she winks at Elain. 

The middle Archeron sister is blushing furiously and giggles from where she is still seated on the bed. 

"That, Vassa, is very true. I am just the luckiest man alive." Beaming, Lucien turns to his wife, his eyes sparkling with love and admiration as he whispers a silent "I love you."

~~~~~~~~~~ taglist AA: @octobers-veryown @velidewrites @areyoudreaminof @acourtofthought @liftyourhipsformelovex @hallway5 @stickyelectrons @honeysuckle-daydreams13 @bibliophiliaxvignette @thelovelymadone @sunshinebingo @arabellatheauthor @autumndreaming7 @nestas-workwife @rarephloxes  @tuzna-pesma-snova general el. taglist: @rippahwrites @shadowhunter2003 @my-inner-crisis @ladyelain @acourtofthought @itwasalwaysaboutthetea @multifictional  @moonlightazriel @aayo-whatt @brekkershadowsinger @sunshinebingo @gracie-rosee @a-frog-with-a-laptop

[woosluv]

illusion — seonghwa

series ml

— rating / genre: pg-15 / sci-fi, dystopian

— warnings: ocean, mentions feeling of drowning, panicky feeling throughout, two really short eating scenes, feeling disoriented, I think that's it for this story

— word count: 3.1k

— summary: waking up in the realm seonghwa has been dropped in isn't exactly what you imagined it to be. rescuing him from another realm you already didn't know was one thing. but here, there's more to everything than meets the eye and you learn firsthand that you can't always trust your sight.

[ start ]

“y/n!” You could hear someone screaming your name, voice hoarse and panic-stricken. “y/n!” You couldn’t hear the person clearly past all the stuff in your ears. What was in your ears? You tried to respond but your throat felt clogged with something, hindering your ability to speak. You began to panic at the discovery. “y/n!” Suddenly, your body felt lighter as you pried your eyes open. There was a light above you guiding you to what seemed like another world. And when you finally were able to open your eyes,  you could see Hongjoong sitting peacefully beside you as he looked forward.

You slowly sat up as you tried to take in your surroundings. “Joong?” He looked at you from over his shoulder. “Where are we?” Hongjoong gave you a smile as he gestured forward with his head. “I think we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be.” Confused, you shifted so you could look forward and saw the place from your dream. Except, not exactly. This place had a gray haze floating around, hindering your vision from seeing past a couple feet in front of you. But you could still tell where you were. The sand was moist and the air was cool. It felt comfortable beneath your heavy body. “My head hurts. I think I’m going to take a nap before we go look around.” Hongjoong nodded in agreement, so you closed your eyes and drifted back to sleep.

It didn’t feel like you slept for long the next time you opened your eyes, but somehow the days seemed to have come and gone multiple times. You squinted as you sat up and looked around. The sun was up now, high in the sky and beaming down onto your face. You could also hear people talking and laughing around you. You sat up and looked around. Families were laughing together, finding solace from the sun under their umbrellas as young kids ran into the ocean ahead of you with boogie boards. Couples floated happily among the waves of the cool water and others cracked open frozen drinks to cool their bodies down. You looked beside you to see Hongjoong lying with a pair of sunglasses over his eyes, resting amidst the festivities surrounding you.

You reached over to shake Hongjoong awake. “Joong, wake up. Look around!” Hongjoong stirred in his spot, groaning as he sat up from the sand. “Why do I have such a bad headache?” He paused for a moment as he took in his surroundings. “And where did all these people come from?” You shrugged as you looked around. “I don’t know, but I think we should look around and see if we can find that guy.” You tried to think of the boy from your dreams but your mind seemed really fuzzy.

“Hey, can you remember what he looked like?” Hongjoong sat there for a moment, looking around as he thought. He tilted his head as he looked back at you. “Not really, but I’m sure once we wake up a bit more it’ll come back to us. Don’t worry.” You could see his eyes shift with worry as he tried to meet your eyes. You nodded as you tried to find comfort in his words. You trust him and you believed that you were better off together than with just one of you. 

You sighed as you leaned back on your arms. “We should get something to eat. I’m feeling really hungry all of a sudden.” Hongjoong nodded as he stood up, reaching his hand out to help pull you up. Suddenly, a boy ran by and bumped into Hongjoong, causing him to stumble into your arms. It felt like a fog had settled over your brain when the boy flashed you a smile before he went back to playing with the others ahead of him. You watched him as he ran into the water, wondering why you felt so fuzzy and confused all of a sudden.

You were walking beside Hongjoong, both of you quiet and just filling time as you thought of what to do next. “Hey, Joong?” He hummed in response. You took a moment to really think over your question before you asked it. “Is it just me, or does your brain feel all fuzzy and dazed too?” Hongjoong looked over at you with confused eyes. “What do you mean? I feel perfectly fine.” You looked him in the eyes for a second before you continued. “It’s just.” You looked around, searching for a way to explain your words when you saw something.

“Look.” Hongjoong looked where you were pointing. “What? What am I looking at?” You rolled your eyes as you made your way towards the direction you were pointing. “Who just falls asleep in their car like that?” You had taken a look around and realized the previously bustling streets around you were empty. “Hey, weren’t there people here like two seconds ago?” Hongjoong looked around as you looked down at the man laying in the topless car.

“Something’s not right. We should wake him up.” You reached over to shake the man’s shoulder. “Are you crazy? What for? We don’t know who he is!” You didn’t look away from the sleeping man. “I’m telling you, something doesn’t feel right.” You shook the guy a little harder. “Hey! Excuse me! Wake up!” You raised your voice a bit as the panic began to settle in your body. The man’s head snapped up as you shook him a little harder than you had before.

His eyes were wide as he looked at you and Hongjoong. You could see as he became more aware and woke up fully. He looked around the streets and down at his body and looked a bit confused. “Hey, are you alright?” He shook his head a bit hesitant. “Where am I?” Hongjoong chuckled a bit at the man’s question. “Slept that good? We don’t know either, buddy.” The guy stared at you both as he tried to figure out what had happened. “My name’s Seonghwa, not buddy.” He looked annoyed at Hongjoong’s words as he sat up. “I was having the weirdest dream.” He rubbed his forehead as he thought some more. Then he looked up to meet your eyes. “Come to think of it, you guys were there too.” And that’s when you had realized that you had found him.

You were sitting together in a cafe trying to catch Seonghwa up on whatever you could. But you were having a hard time remembering exactly what you needed to tell him. “Joong, my head hurts. I can’t think at all right now.” You groaned at the dull throb in your temples. Hongjoong sighed at your complaint. “Maybe try taking a nap. Didn’t that help earlier?” You pouted as you nodded. “A little bit. But I don’t wanna sleep the whole day away trying to get rid of this headache.” Hongjoong nodded in agreement. “I’ve had this raging headache for as long as I can remember today, too.” For some reason, Seonghwa’s words stuck with you as you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep.

“y/n! Wake up!” You could feel cold droplets of water hit your face as you slowly woke up. Your face scrunched as you lifted your hand above your face and finally opened your eyes. “Joong? What’s going on?” Hongjoong wasted no time in pulling you up from the sand you were just laying on. “We gotta get out of here, the water’s rising fast.” You looked down to see that the ocean had risen enough to cover your shoes. “What?” You looked at Hongjoong, confusion taking over your features as you saw the familiar gray haze floating around the beach. “Hurry!” And as Hongjoong pulled you, something flashed in your eyes, bright and blinding you for a few seconds.

You sat up with a loud gasp. “y/n?” You looked up to see Hongjoong looking at you with concerned eyes. You looked beside him to see Seonghwa was staring at you too. “Something weird is going on. We were just–” You cut yourself off as you tried to think of what you were trying to say. “Nevermind.” Seonghwa was silent as Hongjoong carried on with his previous conversation. 

You were zoning out as Hongjoong continued talking, not aware of anything but the fact that he had changed the topic yet again. “y/n!” You looked up when you heard your name. “What?” The boys looked at you a bit confused. You stared back just as confused. “You didn’t call my name?” They both looked at each other as they shook their heads. You huffed as they went back to their conversations and you went back to zoning out. What the hell was going on here? “y/n!” 

Maybe, I should try to focus on whoever’s calling me. You decided to close your eyes and focus as hard as you could. You sat there with your eyes shut tight as you tried to zone in on the voice in your head, but nothing happened. You took a deep breath to calm your nerves before you relaxed the tense muscles in your body and tried again. And that’s when you heard it.

“y/n!” You could hear waves crashing and the whipping of wind past your ears. You opened your eyes and there he was. “There you are. You need to quit zoning out on me!” You tugged Hongjoong towards you with the arm he was pulling you along with. “Woah. We have to move, the water’s rising too fast.” You pulled him again. “Joong, I figured it out!” The smile on your face weirded Hongjoong out. “What have you figured out? Can’t this wait?” You shook your head. “It can’t. Because I don’t know when I’ll go back, I haven’t figured out how to control this yet.” Hongjoong looked at you questionly as he began pulling you along with him, seeking shelter off the coast and further into the town you saw up ahead. “What are you talking about?”

You let out an airy laugh, kind of exhausted from all the back and forth and confusion you had experienced. “I think we’re in a dream right now.” Hongjoong scoffed at your words. “News flash, y/n, but this is no dream. And we’ll die if we don’t get a move on.” You shook your head. “Not here. This isn’t the dream. We found the person we’re looking for in the dream, but I think we have to figure out how to find him here and wake him up.” Hongjoong sighed loudly as he trudged through the wet sand. “I don’t think you realize that you’re dreaming right now, do you?” He shook his head. “I think I’ve known this entire time. My brain is so hazy and I can’t think straight. It seemed really weird, but I didn’t want to freak you out since you were already being weird.” You nodded in appreciation as you took shelter in the lifeguard shack just past the sand and closed the door. “Don’t freak out, but I’m probably gonna zone out again.” You went to close your eyes and focus before you remembered something and reopened them. “Don’t stop calling my name or talking to me. Hearing your voice helps me focus and come back to you.” Hongjoong nodded as he took your hand. You could feel the way he trembled as you gave his hand a squeeze and closed your eyes again.

“I’m kind of hungry. You want anything?” Your eyes opened to see Hongjoong and Seonghwa looking at a menu. Seonghwa was the first to meet your eyes. “Hungry?” You shook your head as you tried to remember what had just happened. “y/n, don’t forget.” You stared at Seonghwa for a second, trying to figure out where that voice had come from. “Actually, I could use a burger.” 

“Hey, y/n. Why do you keep zoning out today?” You froze in your spot after you took a bite of your burger. “What?” Hongjoong swallowed the soda in his mouth before he repeated his question. “Why do you keep zoning out today? You’ve been doing it all day. Your eyes will kinda gloss over and you’ll just sit there like you don’t even have any thoughts.” You nodded as you tried to think of how to respond when you heard something. “Wake up! We gotta go!” 

A feeling of panic surged through your body as you tried your hardest to find the words. You remembered. “Hongjoong, Seonghwa, we’re in a dream. And you need to wake up right now.” Hongjoong looked at you confused. “Joong, don’t you remember why we’re here?” Hongjoong went silent as he racked his brain for a memory, before he shook his head. “We’re here for him.” You pointed at Seonghwa who was sitting silently as he listened to your conversation. “We’re here to save him, remember Joong?” Hongjoong sat there with a confused look on his face. You sighed as you looked at Seonghwa. “You were dreaming something earlier, right?” Seonghwa nodded at your words. “You were on a beach, weren’t you? It was gray and foggy. And maybe you closed your eyes for a nap?” Seonghwa stared back at you wide eyed. “Seonghwa, you need to wake up. Wake up and look for us.” You could feel the dream slowly slipping away as you tried your hardest to get in any last words. Just as the world was flashing in your eyes, you said one last thing. “Open your eyes, Seonghwa!”

Water was pooled around your legs as you looked around the lifeguard shack. “It’s about time! Hurry up and get out of here!” You nodded as you got to your feet and ran out of the shack and towards the street. “Where do we go?” Hongjoong pointed in a direction that was covered by a thick haze. “Earlier, the haze lifted just enough to see a house on top of a cliff in that direction.” You nodded as you followed after him.

“I don’t think I can go back, Joong.” Hongjoong grabbed your hand as you pushed through the heavy rain. He was trying to comfort you. “I told them and then the world just slipped away from me.” Hongjoong sighed as he mulled over your words. “It’s ok, y/n. We’ll find him again. I know we will.” You nodded as you squeezed his hand.

The trek was long and difficult, but you had made it. You and Hongjoong were more than soaked, clothes heavy with water and skin covered in goosebumps. You were both shivering from how cold you were, wind making the feeling ten times worse. You sighed audibly as you reached the front door. “Finally. Hopefully there’s warm clothes and something to eat in there.” You were laughing with Hongjoong when the door of the house slamming open startled you. You looked forward with wide eyes as you took in the situation. There he was. Seonghwa in all his realness and not some dream you kept getting stuck in.

“Seonghwa!” You hardly knew the guy, but you couldn’t help yourself when you ran forward and engulfed him in a tight hug. The overwhelming feeling of relief and happiness flooded your body. You couldn’t help the tears from falling from your eyes at the feeling of Seonghwa’s body between your arms. “You have no idea how glad I am that you’re here in the flesh right now.” You could hear both Hongjoong and Seonghwa chuckle. “As happy as I am that we found him, can we please continue the lovefest inside? It’s cold out here.” 

You couldn’t help the smile that stayed on your face as you shoved a rice ball in your mouth. “We’ll finish up here and then make our way out okay?” You nodded as you took a drink of water from the bottle in front of you. Hongjoong had taken the role in explaining everything to Seonghwa and with him all caught up, you filled your tummies and prepared to leave once again. Hongjoong reached into your bag that he was wearing and pulled out the cromer. “Where do we go now?” You looked up to see Hongjoong blankly staring at the cromer. You swallowed what you had in your mouth and put your bottle down as you thought of what came next.

“We think of who else we saw in our dream and we go there.” Your statement was simple, yet it stirred something up in the two boys who sat in front of you. You could see it in the way their eyes glazed over in deep thought, trying to think of the boys from their dreams. Seonghwa couldn’t help the words that tumbled from his lips. “They’re real?” You stared at Seonghwa as he spoke. “Those boys from my dreams. I thought they were just dreams or a figment of my imagination.” You nodded in reply. “They’re real and we’re going to save every last one of you.” You gave Seonghwa a soft smile as you shifted to sit on the ground. With a hand on the cromer, you spoke. “You’ll have to put your hand on this and close your eyes. But first tell me about the dream.” Seonghwa looked up at you and Hongjoong before he closed his eyes and thought. “It’s a little hazy.” You looked over to meet Hongjoong’s eyes in disappointment. “He looks so scared and confused. I think he lost someone.” Seonghwa’s eyes opened and looked into your own, worried and scared. You nodded. “Put your hand here and close your eyes. Keep thinking of him.” You took in a deep breath before slowly, your eyes closed too.

The familiar bright glow of the cromer prodded at your eyes. When you opened your eyes, you had seen that Hongjoong’s eyes were open as well and staring blankly at the hourglass that you held in your hands. “We have to wake him up, Joong.” Hongjoong startled out of his trance at the sound of your voice. He looked a bit scared as he met your eyes. “I’m scared, y/n. What if something bad happens while we’re there.” You grabbed Hongjoong’s other hand with your own and gave him a soft smile. “We’ll be ok. I promise.” Hongjoong looked in your eyes as you spoke and after finding what he searched for, he gave you a light nod back.

“Seonghwa, open your eyes.” Seonghwa was quick to startle awake at the touch of your hands on his shoulder. You smiled at him as he calmed down. He looked down at the cromer that was between the three of you. “We just have to turn it and it’ll send us there.” You spoke gently. “Don’t stop thinking about the dream.” You spoke one last time before you slowly turned the cromer over and then once again, the world around peeled back until it all just turned black.

[ end ]

taglist: @wooyoung-a

[bangtanpromptsfics]

pyxis.

dialogue prompt #9: “Cheer up it's Christmas Eve, sweetheart”

pairing: jimin x reader

genre: christmas au, brother's best friend au, fluff, childhood friends to lovers

word count: 3,412 (oh no)

warnings: reader is a lil sad but nothing angsty tho

summary: christmas was always an eager wait. less for the tree decorations, family dinner and the fuss of toddlers. more for your childhood best friend who you kissed under a mistletoe years back.

a/n: ahhh!!! I'm not completely satisfied with how this turned out to be. the inspiration was from a few christmas themed fics I read here and the movie ‘It's Christmas, Eve’. anyway this was my attempt though it's nowhere near christmas time. one of my personal goals is to celebrate a christmas like the west, the snow, the fuss and the commotion ;-;. Also I lost sense of time and space and this turned out to be 3k ;-;

masterlist

“Cheer up it's christmas eve, sweetheart”, your mother chimes as she pours brown batter into little cupcake moulds.

You simply smile at her, the festive mood not really getting to you because of exhaustion. Uni was tough, and enjoying this Christmas when you know you have tons of essays due in a few days was hammering inside your brain every now and then.

“Is that chocolate?”, you ask, leaning your tired body on the counter where she is at work.

“And orange”, she smiles, turning around to preheat the oven.

“Where's Jin”. Though you hated the routinely flicks against your forehead, the absence of your big brother felt weird.

“He went with Jimin to get the Christmas tree”.

The mention of Jimin brings a smile to your face. His soft features and captivating grin filling your head. If there was one of the few things you enjoyed coming back to your hometown for holidays, it's chocolate cupcakes your mom bakes and Jimin.

His family are friends with yours after all. You, Jin and Jimin attended the same school until college and other priorities in life drift you apart. Though the bond must have rusted a bit, you can't deny the fact that you still have that crush which started somewhere in middle school, on a chritmas eve like this when he kissed your cheeks shyly under the mistletoe. Your friends and family, and even Jimin himself must have seen it nothing more than platonic, but you still find yourself relieving the moment in your head however crazy it may sound.

Standing up straight, you decide to fix your bed hair and complete the skincare routine before the said duo drops.

“Mrs. Y/L/n...”, Jimin softly kicks the back door. He is carrying one end of a huge fir, and your brother on the other end, grunting from the freezing snow outside.

“Oh dear place it right there”, you mother is quick to her feet helping the boys and doing her usual commentary on how well the tree looked.

Jimin looks more handsome than ever, especially with his nose and cheeks dusted in scarlet from the cold. He looks really huggable in his fluffy sweaters and red beanie. Jin is busy commanding around so you choose to sit back, a very typical sibling energy and the size of decoration boxes and the tree itself not really appetizing to your will to find any strength.

“Hey Y/n!”, Jimin stares back at your eyes in a split moment which has your lashes fluttering suddenly. You probably look like you are carrying a disease and right now you become very hyper aware of that.

“You alright? You look tired”, he comments. You feel his eyes carefully studying the black under your eyes and worrying his mind because that's what he is like. He cares about everyone and everything, has a heart so soft it hurts to even think about it.

“Jet lag...”, you say, “I'll be fine”. You shoot a little thumbs up on his way to reassure.

“Why didn't Jin get the tree earlier? It's Christmas in a few hours”, you dodge the focus around you and walk near in an attempt to closely examine the tree for no reason other than feeling Jimin’s eyes a little too long on you.

Your brother gets visibly annoyed seeing you start a very unnecessary talk. So he is completely obliged to shoot back with, “Because you were in charge of Christmas decorations this year but your lazy ass flew down here only yesterday”.

“You know I was busy with Uni!”

“Whatever”, he shrugs, getting back to the box of tree decorations. You feel a little bad seeing yourself not being helpful during a festive season. It felt like you were procrastinating on your responsibilities as always.

“Um...is there any way I can help?”, you ask softly, earning a mischievous grin from Jin and your mom fills in the answer.

“We need more baubles. Also I missed out gifts for Aerum and June, so maybe you can get them”. Now this was already tiring and you were not lying earlier either, the jet lag was still choking you alive. You wonder if the huge pile of stars and glitters beside your foot aren't enough but then maybe it's true because this is the largest fir you ever saw for Christmas in your house. And speaking of the five year old notorious duo, your cousins-- Aerum and June, you have no other option than to step out into the butt numbing cold and get something for the sake of not getting your brains eaten.

While you stand there doing these calculations, Jimin puts a two and two and immediately suggests to tag along with you.

“That'd be great! Thanks sweetie”, your mom chimes, her fine lines of face gathering around her eyes while she does so and you catch her throwing a wink to your side and you pretend you never saw that.

“Thank you Jimin”, you smile in all honesty while he reciprocates the same.

“No problem. I'll get my car. Will you be ready in an hour? I think you just woke up”

“Uh...yeah”, you fake a laugh, “Yes I'll be ready in an hour”

Jimin still lives here in your hometown, attends a community college nearby and his house is just a few steps away from your own. You remember how you had the same analogy in your mind as well. You like living here. You like Jimin’s company. The lake Park and the annual ice skating competition in December and the bookstores and coffee shops at the outskirts of the town. And you can't seem to clearly remember when and where that feeling started to become foreign. Maybe it was a teenage quirk to explore the world that you are now a three hour flight away from all of this. It wasn't a deep regret, but seeing Jimin, it almost felt like it. It felt like you betrayed him. Because he seemed to be keeping his word to this day.

This year, it's a few degrees lower than what it usually is and you find yourself chattering your teeth together as you walk to Jimin’s house.

His footsteps rush to get the door as soon as you ring the doorbell and he greets with the same wide grin as if he hasn't just saw you an hour ago.

“Let's go?”, he asks immediately, getting house keys from his coat pocket and locking the front door before stepping out making you confused.

“There's no one home? Where are your parents?”

“Oh well didn't Mrs. Y/L/n tell you?”, he studies your features and gets his response so he continues “They went to New York this year for Christmas. It's some elder people thing I think...so I'll be spending Christmas this year with your family”

“Really!?”, you chime, and then immediately notice a very childish jump you did with tiny fists and all, feeling a little embarrassed at yourself, “Ah... uh I mean that's great”.

“Yeah”, he giggles, sounding like a twelve year old who is still waiting for his growth spurt, “Get in the car it's freezing in here”.

Since it's been six odd months you've spoken to Jimin, you figured it would would be strange and awkward to be with him, but his demeanor states otherwise. He could effortlessly begin conversations and build momentum with you and by the time you are at a thrift store, he is aware of the little gist of student life and the dramatically exaggerated history research paper still due.

“What are you getting for the twins?”, he asks, seeing you checking out the kids toys section with absolutely no idea and that's exactly what you reply to him.

“How about this puzzle?”, he brings a big jigsaw to your glance and you figure it's a great thing to have their little brains engaged and give yourself time to breathe.

“It's perfect!”, you add, immediately placing it your cart with a few decors you picked up from earlier aisles.

Jimin places an extra pack of Christmas candies in the cart, and you send him a questionable look knowing it's his way of bribing the kids coming this evening. He puts too much effort into people's happiness, something you wish you were capable of as well.

The shopping went smooth. It was therapeutic to get hot chocolate with extra marshmallows afterwards like he insisted followed by that very cliche movie scene where one of them develops a creme moustache and the other notices and dabs it off.

You want this moment to linger a little longer, but your whole family arrives in less than two hours and the decorations were due. If Jin doesn't have you in the next thirty minutes he might as well eat all the cupcakes your mom is baking as revenge.

“I had a great time”, Jimin states as he stops the car in front of your house, stealing the words from your mouth and warmth hugs your cheeks immediately.

“Me too. It's been long since we spent time with each other”

You hear a lone sigh with white fogs coming out of his plump lips while he does so, as if he were suddenly sad when you mentioned that.

“Are you okay?”

His grips tightens around the steering, “I've missed you”, he says, eyes meeting slowly. And as if he was suddenly pulled back to earth he conjures another sentence to not sound so vulnerable.

“I uh... It's just--”

“I've missed you too”

Even with the gear box painstakingly blocking the way, you throw your upper half towards his body anyways and you find him hugging you back. His hugs still feel the same from years back; safe and warm and filled with love.

If it wasn't for the constant reminder that your brother is probably plotting a murder against you, you would've stayed much longer in his embrace. Maybe the hug was a big straightforward for a bond still gradually blooming, but it didn't feel weird at all and when you pull back he is smiling down at you.

“I thought you two lovebirds flew off”, a very annoyed Jin states from above you. He is balancing himself on a chair to attach the mistletoe to the ceiling.

“Sorry hyung”, Jimin says. And somehow now you are getting super aware of the way your family is low key shipping you both. Not that it's an irritating thing of course though you seem to act like it. But you have no idea what's going on with Jimin, what if he said he missed you as your childhood friend? It's a lot difficult to segregate his priority of giving affection. He seems to be giving justice in terms of care for every living being he knows.

“The circus is on its way so I hope you both hurry with putting up everything together”, the voice above states, now lowering himself to ground after putting up the twig.

Three of you giggle at the mention of your family as a circus. Well in a way it definitely was. You have a bunch if uncles who crack awful jokes, a trait Jin himself as picked up from a tender age of ten. Then their wives and kids who share certainly the same braincells in comprehending things. You bet they'll ask you again about your major and your dating history once they walk in through that door amidst clearly stating everytime that you are a history major and yes still very single.

In the hallway there is a half decorated tree. A thread of fairly lights wrapped around the green and very few baubles hanging here and there.

“I'll put up the star and join you”, Jimin says, digging out a golden star from the carton. Though now he doesn't know why it was a good idea for him to announce that when both of you were almost the same height. He is just a few centimeters taller than you and the top of the fir is still very much way above your heads.

So with a chuckle you both figure Jin has to do it.

“This is your final year right?”, Jimin asks stepping closer to you. He seemed nervous about something. Or was it anxious?

“Yeah...you?”

“Yeah...”, his sweet tone was drawn almost like a whisper and you sense you should ask him further about what's wrong. But before you had to deal with a starter he continues,

“Are you planning to work in Chicago as well?”

“Sweetheart help me clean up the kitchen please”, your hear your mom's voice overpowering through the house. Which is good. Because you don't know what you are supposed to answer. It was as if he was almost hopeful that you'll choose your hometown all over again. But you aren't sure. So you take the opportunity to step away from the situation excusing yourself.

And while you are clearing the blobs of batter stuck on the counter, your mind is a haywire. What are you going to do? Though you know your whole family wants you to stay, it's still a foggy place to be in. Four years apart in another city as a college student has not provided much, except caffeine addiction and sleepless nights. Things were not even as fun as everyone told you.

A few steps away Jimin silently prays that you stay, because he had truly missed you. Even though you have outgrown from the eighteen year old shell as he had known, he finds himself actively choosing to be with you. Even when other things in life occupies his mind, there's an element of it which goes back to you.

“They are here!”. You groan silently, while your parents are throwing their hands in air, giggles and chatter fills in as your uncles and aunts and the taunting toddlers welcome themselves in.

“Y/n! You have grown so much!”, the older aunt comments, and you supply a manufactured smile to tag along. Other comments follow by soon, about how tired you are, gasps about not having a partner and future plans, all of which are not completely answerable at the moment but you manage to get through them all and finally excusing yourself back to the garage convincing there are more decor supplies in there.

Families are nice. They make festivals brighter and lives less lonely. But yours was just hard sometimes. Not that you completely loathed the people now fueling themselves off the cup cakes your mom bakes, you were just merely lost, still yet to come up with an answer to what your stance is after graduation.

“Hey...”. Jimin has joined you now which you notice feeling a warmth against your shoulder when he sits, with an extra scraf knowing the garage is still comparatively chilly than the house, “you okay?”.

“Yeah...I was just...thinking”

“Is this about earlier? I'm sorry if I made you anxious”, he quickly adds.

“No!...I mean yeah but, it's high time I find a ground with this. What are your plans?”

“I was thinking about teaching at Jefferson High”, he shifts rather uncomfortably. He is talking of the school in your town, your school, where you have lots of memories with Jimin, “You know...like we said during Junior year in high school?”

“I'm sorry Jimin”, you feel the guilt inside you growing, “I never kept my promises”.

“Hey...that's okay! Everyone changes. I just want you to be happy. I...I hope you are happy Y/n”, he reassures, taking your hand from your side and squeezing it between his soft palms.

“I don't know about that either...”

As much as you hated showcasing vulnerability to another person, you know Jimin is an exception. You had cried to him about everything during school days and he had never invalidated a single thing, even when you were visibly dramatic over a downpour during a family picnic when you were five.

Jimin is frozen on his seat as if he can't find the words. He was never good with words so instead he hugs you, a little longer than the last time till he is sure you have calmed down. Grateful for not ending up crying, you smile up at him and remind yourselves to get back inside to avoid suspicion, especially from the kids who take humiliating people as an important milestone to achieve.

When you enter back inside and get immediately surrounded by a million questions and chores thrown at you, you find your answer. Maybe your heart belongs back to everything your younger self had blabbered about. Not to mention, this fairly good reunion with your crush feels nice, though, he might still see it as platonic. Maybe he makes things less daunting.

By the way Jimin was owning everyone's heart in the house, it felt like he was family. Well in a way he is. But to put more clarity, he bought things together and his actions bought so much peace and love within everyone. Even the notorious twins listen carefully to him and help the uncles and aunts in the kitchen.

He is again by your side, two cupcakes rests on his palms and you take it with a silent ‘thanks’.

Seeing no signs of him beginning a talk now, you think of coming up with something. Maybe a memoir from today? Or about how absolutely handsome he looks right now? Wait.

“They are under the kissing twig!”, Aerum screams like the house caught in fire, her sibling joining by the side to provoke the habit even more.

“It's called a mistletoe Aerum”, your aunt corrects before pasting a smug across her lips.

Nothing changed. They are the same people. Hyping you and Jimin to kiss just like when you were thirteen. If the factor of time is removed, this is the exact night. Both of you cemented to the flooring as if you forgot to exist.

Both of your necks snap together to the mistletoe Jin had attached to the ceiling earlier. And when you lower your gaze back, face gawks at each other eye to eye. It's the same. He has that blush, the shyness from years ago. It's going to be platonic. Yet again. And this moment will only ever be romantic and flowery in your head.

June was the first to squeak, and Aerum shuts her eyes the moment Jimin is leaning his mouth towards your lips. It was difficult to relax under the stares of many, but when he ghosts his mouth over your again and leans in for a second kiss, you are fixated on him. Hands holding each other, the plump of his lips so soft it felt like you were biting into a fluff of cloud.

Maybe he'll have an explanation to your family for this. Not like anyone in the audience was disappointed. Your mother was almost in tears? And Jin looked hardly surprised with any of this. As if it was all swell according to his plans.

“You both are so cute”, one of the aunts awes and your mother is quick by her side, completely agreeing to it.

“Jimin...”, you return your gaze to the equally flustered man who just kissed you and he sounded almost breathless,

“I'm sorry if this was wrong it ju--”

“I like you”, you immediately snap in and his face is a void for an instant. Fully processing the words, his eyes disappear when he grins, “I like you too...a lot”.

“Are you two dating?”, the twins haven't dropped the case yet, running to your feet to help their curious brains.

“Yes...”, Jimin responds, looking up at you for a reassurance, which you quickly supply with a nod, “Yes we are dating”.

When the kids are satisfied they go away snickering to themselves.

“I decided to stay”, you say.

“Really!?”, his disbelief was comical, yet wholesome considering how much he wished for this, “I'm...I'm so happy!”.

Giggling at him, this time you lean forward and peck the corner of his lips.

“You lovebirds better get a room”, Jin announces and thankfully not loud enough to catch everyone else's attention.

Usually Jin expects a punch to his arms from his sister, but he sees how grateful you are for his mistletoe decor. He leaves the couple, satisfied that there won't be any more ranting about how much Jimin likes you.

Thank you so much for reading!! ♡♡

Original Content of ©bangtanpromptsfics

[bunchofstraydogs]

Dazai Osamu character breakdown as I understand him

Meaning that this might be inaccurate and your opinion and visage of him might differ from mine, which is just fine. We perceive the world and the people around us through our experiences and expectations. I'm curious to know how you guys see a complex character like Dazai, just please respect everyone's opinions.

Warning: Manga plot mentions, s2 spoilers, BEAST light novel spoilers, Dazai Osamu

Dazai Osamu was introduced into the scene of Bungou Stray Dogs at 14 when Mori found him.

Even at that young age, Dazai had suicidal tendencies and had been wrapped in bandages similarly as he is in the present. Already dealing with too much trauma for a child his age, the fire is fuelled as he was forced to bear witness to the death of the Port Mafia boss at the hands of Mori, the person that took him under his wing. To use him; which was becoming very apparent to Osamu if he hadn't been aware since the start. Now, I'm not saying that death of the previous boss left a particular scar on Samu, he even agrees with it and is something he himself would have done. But that that is the scene that bore fruit of the following quotes:

"Or could it be that you're afraid, Mori-san? That one day i will slit your throat and take over as the boss?"

followed by

"Everyone seems suspicious to those who have an axe to grind."

This tells us right away that he can tell what type of person you are just from the way you perceive your surroundings, which is logical, but not something many think too deep into.

Even less who have their evaluations of others on point like he does. And he has to, since Dazai's plan is always to understand his allies, his enemies, possible allies and possible enemies. He also takes into account important neutral parties that can still, in one way or another, affect the outcome of his plans or decide to align with one side out of common interest. After comes realising the main goals, along with side achievements (just in case some of those maim his allies or ruin the future plans he made) of every party. Taking in their morals and motivation, and being familiar with the ground the confrontation will happen on, he now has the view of the whole chess board and it's pieces in his head. He moves his allies in the right places, knowing how they'll react in the situation to come, and awaits the enemies with open fire arms. He was tought to think like that. At all times. Mori made sure of it. You know how specialists never really stop thinking in their areas of expertise, like doctors, for example, will naturally notice people's posture and look for scoliosis or whatever? How your foot hits the floor, if you're walking straight, your knees and shoulders, etc. Same for Dazai. His brain maps out person's expressions, reactions, choices, personality, etc. in great detail. I'm pretty sure he has eidetic memory, if his conversations in manga with Fyodor are anything to go by.

Another thing his brain does is think of worst possible outcomes.

Not in a fear of what if things go wrong, but as a possible route. He uses it to determine how big of a threat the opposing force is and what steps they'll have to take to achieve that. Knowing that, he'll know how to intercept them. Also, like everything else, it's not something he can control since we're talking about thought process here and that's just how his brain works. Can't magically turn that off. It's especially annoying to him when he's genuinely enjoying himself with, let's say, ADA members and then his brain goes brrr.

•"A lot happened recently and we're a torn in many people's eyes." *Tanizaki and Atsushi drinking punch* "There's a possibility, while a small one, about 8% at this very moment, but as time goes on will increase, that an organisation outside of Yokohama decided we're an unavoidable threat and poisoned the drinks. Don't drink that. Nothing will happen, they'll wake up tomorrow in pristine condition don't drink th-"

Yeah, i feel bad for him too.

He has PTSD and insomnia, besides the hectic brain,

so he's not getting proper amount of rest. Actually, he drinks almost every night by himself at home. Pretty sure it's canon as well, because if you search for a picture of him in his room, you'll see him surrounded by multiple bottles. Two of the PTSD symptoms are hallucinations and night terrors (no, that is not the same as a nightmare). What people usually do is use opium to cause hallucinations in a safe environment so that there's little chance of them happening uncontrolled. He's probably using alcohol to numb himself while he's reminiscing, since if he does still have hallucinations after years having passed by (which isn't impossible), they're probably few and far between. Not saying there's no chance he isn't using opium. He would know where to get what he needs, after all.

Osamu's haunted by his own actions as well, not just by trauma caused to him.

At an uncountable amount of occasions, he found himself looking into a mirror and not really comprehending his image. It was like dissociation. Looking through a fog at what's supposed to be your carbon copy, but not knowing all of your features perfectly, so whatever you're seeing could only be an impostor, yet you're not sure because that would take comprehending physical proof of your life to the fullest and how it works and he just... can't. He can but he doesn't want to. He already knows he's despicable and broken, doesn't really feel the need to see just how much. He can't, for all his perfect memory, remember the faces of the people he has killed. He hadn't even seen all of them, but he was responsible for their demise. Causing havoc and misfortune in general through other crimes besides murder as well. We've seen his expression when he listened in on Atsushi talking to Kyouka over the earpiece how the 35 deaths don't matter anymore. He knows they do and he knows that the change of heart won't justify what he's they've done. Ango thought him to value each life. But he also knows that even murderers can change and become good. Oda did that. It's also what's keeping him in the agency.

When Oda died, his last words mentioned that Dazai doesn't care about good or bad and that was correct for Dazai Osamu back then. I genuinely think that his present self does mind the difference.

He believes in necessary evil and will do dark shit to get the good outcome he's envisioned.

He doesn't separate outlaws and lawful people, however.

He knows that generally speaking, the line is thin and easy to cross and that many were born or forced into the situations they are. Those that fight the life thrown at them are an exception, not a rule. That's also why he likes Atsushi, probably the main reason. The boy has every right to hate the world and yet. Dazai is envious, he doesn't really have the same capacity.

I want now to talk about why does Dazai Osamu do what Dazai Osamu does.

The reason he attempts suicide, joined the mafia, made friends at all, is because for all his intelligence and observations, ability to understand others, he doesn't really understand himself.

He doesn't understand his worth. He doesn't understand his purpose. In all of that confusion, he finds no reason to live. He laughs but can't get the high, he bruises but can't fully heal. In all of the things people find happiness in he can't feel joy from. He is emotionally stunted. He thinks too logically. He doesn't understand actions out of emotions because to him, it doesn't make sense. Emotions cloud your mind and when you're not thinking straight, you make mistakes. Plain and simple. He just accepts it, that most people simply cannot control themselves and prefer lashing out instead of methodical approach. All the better for him, he has leverage. Even when he does act on impulse, which is incredibly rare and not as explosive and dramatic, his brain rationalises it as to why his actions were a good way to go. And if his reaction was one that bore fruit, than it was a tactical one.

"If you place yourself somewhere close to raw emotions, where you're exposed to raw violence and death, instinct and desire, you can brush against man's true nature. I though that way i could find a reason to live somehow."

From this, i can tell that he was hoping that, in a situation where he's pushed far enough, he'd realise what's important to him, what he wants to protect or destroy, what's one thing he wouldn't want to leave unsettled before dying. What is that one thing he'd regret dying before achieving? What should he fight death for. What is worth living on for? To him, it doesn't matter if that something is good or evil as long as he gets to keep it in his life.

It seems he hadn't found it exactly, but is satisfied with what he has for now, in the agency, to just keep going. But he still tries to commit suicide, hoping that one day, when the clear picture of the world around him is fading away, when he's becoming light headed from the lack of oxygen, when he's loosing control over his body and thoughts don't seem to flow well, there will be one thing, anyone, screaming at him to fight it. New day new chances. It didn't happen today, better luck tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomo-.

Now, like Mori, Dazai feels the need to, at all times, be in control of the situation. Including people.

That means no one, but perhaps Ranpo due to his own abnormal intellect, is aware of their own role. They know their mission, but they're not expecting to be given that particular one because they'll come across an obstacle they would react to in a way that would satisfy Osamu's plans.

Dazai Osamu is more of a chemist, than a chess player, if you ask me.

Throwing different people into the mix, under different conditions at different times and is noting down their reactions in safe surrounding if possible, so that when the time calls for it, he'll be able to make a perfect concoction for the predicament. A chemist and his substances; A chess player and his pawns; A puppeteer and his puppets. Now, Dazai is meticulous and never rash, but like everyone else (except effin Lovecraft what is he even) he's only human and he bleeds when he falls down and humans aren't perfect. He isn't always right. That means he makes mistakes. The issue with big shot players that control the board is that, when they fall down, everyone on their side crashes and burns as well. So the day Dazai fucks up everyone else will follow because of lack of insight on their part that's completely out of their control. All it takes is for him to underestimate or overestimate one person and chaos ensues. There is no such thing as happy little accidents small mistakes for someone like him. I have crippling anxiety and a sole thought that one hiccup could blow up in everyone's face... damn. I would try committing suicide myself. But it's his fault, he brought upon himself an obligation and pressure like that. To be fair, it was Mori that drilled that type of thinking where no one should know what you plan because they can't ruin what they don't know If they turn against you, they can't stop you.

For his own sake, and everyone else's, Dazai needs to learn how to show his cards and share the burden.

Again, going back to the emotionally stunted guy that has commitment issues (where he either can't commit or can't let go) trope.

He never outright does something good for someone where people would acknowledge it, he uses his underhanded tactics here as well.

He casually makes himself look like a bad guy, an asshole, to conveniently move attention from the inner turmoil a person is struggling with to a present problem at hand that they can fix and let their frustrations out on. But he hopes that, one day, someone just might notice his intentions for what they are and do the unspeakable- see through him.

"I'm a very private person. You don't ask, i don't tell."

Yes, and your whole existence is just a huge cry for help. He wants to be asked. He's begging for attention. A specific type of attention. One that will see him without making him feel imposed on. One that will understand his sins without making a big deal out of it. Accept him as a person he is, makes him feel like one as well. Makes him feel alive. Makes him feel... period.

The day he finds that thing is the day he completely turns his life around and fully dedicates to it. It's where the part of not being able to let go commitment issue ensues.

Since Oda's death he's been secretly keeping an eye out on possible ways to bring him back. If you've read Beast AU you know that when Dazai gets his hands on the book, he'll create a universe where Oda doesn't die. Should he find an ability user that can bring back the dead, just tell him what it will take, he's ready to destroy his own soul for it and if that isn't enough, well, he'll have no hesitation ruining theirs. After all, BEAST!Dazai Osamu never actually met Odasaku, he just had the memories he'd gotten from his canon self and that was enough for him to do everything he did.

He's incredibly selfish and has a weird come in but the door is a wall dynamic he rolls with in his self imposed solitude.

It's like the walls of the space in my brain are ugly and terrifying, so i closed off the entrance to keep myself in. I'm doing you a favour but please break the wall down and tell me it's okay to come out i don't want to be here-

Happy little thoughts woah woah yeah~

That's what i got from what I've seen of him. I may have missed some things, some things might prove to be wrong as the series progress further, but yeah.

There is, however, one more thing i want to put out here. Since Dazai was already like this before Mori found him, that begs to question as to why? What happened to him?

Now, since the characters are based on real people, is it crazy to say that Dazai Osamu has had a horrible childhood because of his father? Real life Dazai was terrified of his dad and was very intimidated by him. He always tried to stay in his good graces out of fear of punishment. Neither of his parents felt like a parent to him, actually. His father didn't care and his mother was often ill, but did care for him when she could. Both of them died eventually.

This could be the plot Kafka based Dazai's background on, but we'll have to wait and see.

[queenof-literature]

A Sick Wild Child - Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - Cold

Aaaand we're back! Sorry for the long wait, college is wack.

Uhh big angst warning for this chapter. I can't really tell if this is angstier than the rest of the chapters? But the warning is there.

As I said earlier, I am going to be rewriting this fic as I add to it. Nothing major will change, but I kinda cringe a little when I read back on it because I feel like my style has developed more as I've written.

Ao3 Link:

I hope y'all enjoy!

The rustling of the leaves above were the loudest sound Warriors heard outside camp. Between the soft snores of his companions, the distant flowing stream, and the cackling of the fire, perhaps he should have let himself relax, if only a little. Being as rigid as a board would do no one any good if monsters came, yet Warriors could not force himself to relax. Strained eyes jumped between the other Links, the world outside their overhang, and the only other two not resting.

Whatever allowed Wild to be semi-coherent hours ago had faded as night went on, stuttering chest still rising and falling roughly. 

Twilight hadn’t left Wild’s side, still holding tightly to the boy’s clammy hand. Warriors let out a sigh, trying to force some tension from his shoulders as he stood, slowly making his way over. 

“You need to get some sleep.” Warriors settled next to him, still keeping a sharp ear out for potential monsters. He had made the mistake of letting down his guard, and he wouldn’t do it again.

“I’ll sleep after your watch.” Twilight was lying, and they both knew it.

“You make fun of Time for taking on too much, but you’re the same damn way.” Warriors huffed.

“Pot, meet kettle.” Twilight snarked and Warriors rolled his eyes at yet another dumb country metaphor. “Besides, be careful what you say, Old Man is probably listening.”

“It’d be hard not to with how loud you two are.” A voice said from Time’s bedroll.

“Sorry, Time.” Warriors and Twilight spoke in unison, chuckling lightly when they heard a tired sigh and grumbling.

“Any signs of Wild waking up again?” Warriors nodded towards Wild’s restless form, keeping his voice far lower.

“Nah. I wouldn’t be so worried if he was getting some actual sleep.” As if sensing his name Wild shifted once again, letting out unidentifiable croaks and murmurs. Twilight stroked his thumb across the back of Wild’s pale hand in an attempt to soothe him once more.

“Yeah…” Warriors spoke awkwardly. “The worst will be over soon, then he’ll be able to start healing. Hylia knows Legend and Hyrule are going to shove a rainbow of potions down his gullet when he can handle it.” Warriors joked, feeling success at the small chuckle he received from the other young man.

“I know he’ll be okay, but…” Twilight trailed off, looking down once more at his protege

“Yeah, it’s hard to see him like this.” Warriors nodded.

“Well yeah but I’m worried for what comes after.” Twilight’s eyes still hadn’t met his.

“What do you mean?”

“When he comes to, how much of these nightmares is he going to remember? Some are fake, but his brain is already… addled.” Twilight said for lack of a better word.

“You’re worried about the memories.” Warriors understood now.

“Yeah. He doesn’t remember anything besides a few memories, I’m worried the real ones will mix with the fake ones and just confuse him more.” Warriors hadn’t even thought of that.

“He’ll be okay once he’s aware enough to talk them through, that’s always seemed to help him in the past.” Warriors reassured, clamping a head on his companion’s shoulder. “I know there’s a lot in the air right now, but we need to focus on the now. We’ll deal with the future when we get there.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks War.” Twilight smiled at his companion, finallying meeting his eyes. Both settled in against the wall, taking comfort in the other’s presence. 

~

Cold, scared, confused. Fear struck his heart when he felt the familiar emotions, among others he couldn’t name. His lungs spasmed, and he felt himself cough roughly. Drowning… was he drowning? He didn’t feel wet, water meant drowning… right? Something warm and gentle slid across his hand and he shivered. What was touching him? Was it bad?

No… cold was bad, warm was good, or so he thinks. Yes that seems right. And what was touching him was warm so he could trust it. Yeah, that logic made sense.

Something was wrong though, he shouldn’t be feeling this way. This wasn’t normal. He tried to open his eyes. Wait, when did those get there? He had a body, and bodies had names. Did he have a name? Whatever was blocking his eyes refused to budge, or perhaps it wasn’t even trying. He felt his ears flicker when a noise drew close to him, and the warmth caressing his hand paused. No, don’t stop! He cried out, or he thought he did.

The warmth moved from his hand, allowing the cold to flood back, and he tried to cry out, he wanted to be warm he didn’t want to be cold. He relaxed once more when the warmth moved under his eye, under his eye… his cheek. The hand pushed into the skin of his cheek softly, and he tried to focus on what he heard above him, but he couldn’t push down his panic. What was his name? Everyone had a name, what was his name?

The warmth, which he now recognized as a hand, pushed his cheek with more intent, the noises growing louder. But he couldn’t focus on that, he could only focus on the empty space where his name, his very identity should be. What was his name? Everything would be okay if he could just remember his damn name-

“Wild?” A voice echoed above him, snapping him back from his spiral. Wild… that didn’t sound quite right, but it certainly didn’t sound wrong, and he clinged to it. Wild, Wild, Wild. That was him! 

“Wild?” Another voice asked, and Wild was sure it was a different one. The hand patted his cheek, and Wild felt his nose scrunch. He didn’t like that.

 “Wild? Are you awake? Can you open your eyes?” Wild’s ears perked at the tone, an odd mix of hope and concern. Now out of his spiral, Wild tried once more to open his eyes. Shutting them tightly once more when light assaulted his vision. He felt his head being turned, vertigo crashing into him, only relaxing when his nose brushed against something slightly course but soft.

“Try again.” The voice coaxed. Wild was skeptical, but did as he was told. With great strength, Wild peeled open his eyes. Even after his eyelids revealed the world around him he couldn’t see right away, it took a while for his vision to clear, yet the voice never grew impatient. He felt heat to his back, and it felt like a fire. Maybe that’s what was so bright. After the fuzziness finally faded, Wild could see he was facing a chest, but it looked odd. There was something missing around the shoulders...

“There he is.” The other voice proclaimed quietly.

“How are you feeling, Cub?” Wild felt the chest he was facing vibrate as the person spoke. Cub… cub.

“Tw’ligh?” Wild slurred, wincing at the dryness of his throat.

“Yeah, Cub.” Wild looked up at the face above him, who looked positively elated for some reason. Wild finally realized why the man looked so off, the usual pelt wrapped around his shoulders was gone. Wild glanced around, eyes slow and fluttering. After looking down he finally realized it was covering him instead. 

Wild tried to blink away the fog. That wasn’t right, this was Twilight’s pelt. Oh no, did Wild steal it? That wasn’t very nice…   

“Wild?” The other voice washed over him once more, and Wild realized it had probably been a while since he had responded.

“War?” Wild recognized the bright blue scarf, and the eyes that matched. The fog was slowly receding from his mind, but annoyingly stuck around the edges.

“That’s me.” Warriors confirmed with a fond smirk. “How are ya feeling?”

Wild didn’t know how to answer that. Everything hurt, his muscles felt heavy and useless, his head pounded, his throat was on fire… worst of all…

“Cold.” Wild rasped, trying to bury his face into the chest beside him, enjoying the rumble he felt and the sound of a fond chuckle.

“Sorry, Wild. Your fever hasn’t broken yet, we can’t let you get too hot.” Twilight really did sound sorry, but that doesn’t sound right. Fever means hot.

“Cold.” Wild stressed again, his small movement sending a spike of pain around his ribs. “Hurts.” Wild whimpered at the aches and pain that surrounded his body, especially his ribs. 

“I know, Cub. It’ll get better soon.” Twilight promised.

“How?” How did he know that? Wild didn’t understand. Goddesses, it felt like he was dying-

Wild froze at that thought. No, no Twilight would tell him. Twilight wouldn’t be so happy, he wouldn’t. The conversation continued as Wild’s world was crashing down on him.

“Your fever hasn’t broken, but it is getting cooler.” An optimistic voice continued, not noticing his panic. Why were they so calm? Wild was dying, he was dying! He felt his breaths get more labored, only sending further panic shooting through him. No, he needed to breathe, breathing meant life and Wild was alive he wasn’t dead he was alive-

“-we’ll fix it, Wild, I promise.” Wild tuned in once more and his heart lurched. Fix it? No, no , no, nononono. 

“N-no!” Wild cried out, trying to sit up.

“Woah!” Warriors bolted forward to keep Wild from agitating his illness further. They just got water in his system, they didn't want him to throw it back up now.

“Tw-i. Don’t. P-please don’t.” Wild pleaded.

“Don’t what? Cub we’re not going to do anything.” Twilight’s voice tried to be calm, but the underlying panic only sent Wild further into his spiral. Twilight knew and he was hiding it! The shrine… not the shrine.

“Na- the shrine. P-please. Anythin’ but the shrine. Just let me go.” Wild begged, coughing roughly at the end. Twilight felt his chest grow cold and his stomach drop. ‘Let me go’, ‘No more shrine’, Twilight felt lightheaded. He knew what it meant. Let me die. 

“No, no Cub, you’re not hurt. Not badly, you’ll recover.” Twilight tried to reassure but Wild was too far gone.

“Hey, hey.” Wild felt a different pair of hands on his cheeks, calloused from constant swordsmanship, but impossibly gentle. “Calm down.” Warriors soothed, brushing aside Wild’s bangs. No! He didn’t understand. He couldn’t do it, not again. He couldn’t wake up with nothing but a name he didn’t recognize, cold, hungry, scared, alone. 

“No shrine, nothing like that. We’re staying right here.” Warriors comforted. Wild shook his head, ignoring the nausea it brought. They didn’t understand, he would forget again. He would forget again. Zelda, the Champions, Riju, Teba, Yunobo, Sidon, the Links. All of them.

“Wild.” Twilight’s voice was soft, but stern, demanding Wild’s attention. “Wild look at me.” A hand took his chin, and he was met with dark blue eyes swirling with intense emotions, half of which Wild couldn’t name. “We’re staying right here. We’re nowhere near the shrine. You’re just sick, you’ll get better, on your own.” Twilight specified, rambling in the hopes that Wild would finally understand. Twilight felt his chest loosen when Wild calmed down slightly. 

Twilight wouldn’t lie about that, Wild could trust him. 

“No shrine?” Wild confirmed.

“No shrine.” Twilight put on his most reassuring smile, covering his turmoil at Wild’s earlier words.

“Never. Promise.” Wild demanded in the most stern tone he could muster, and judging by Twilight’s shaky smirk he didn’t do a very good job. 

“I promise, Cub.”

“Yeah, Hylia knows we wouldn’t even know how to work it- ouch! What it’s true.” Wild tried to laugh at the indignant noise, but all that came out was a coughing fit. He still didn’t understand what was going on, but there was no rush or panic or shouting. It wasn’t like the first time. There were no lasers, or carnage, or desperate screaming.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Twilight deemed after Wild’s fit had passed. “You need more rest.” Wild shook his head. He wanted to stay here, away from the things he sees when he closes his eyes. It was nice here, the fog was finally parting and if he went to sleep it would surround him again.

“Yes, Wild.” Wild heard Warriors laugh at Twi’s exasperated tone.

“No.” Wild commanded, well aware of how much he sounded like a petulant child.

“Wild, we’ll be right here. You need sleep. Real sleep.” Wild shook his head again.

“I’d be careful. Mama bear is ready to knock you out.” Warriors teased, yelping when Twilight used his free arm to smack his shoulder.

“Wild, I swear to Hylia, you are going to sleep.” Twilight threatened. Wild huffed. Fine. Wild lifted a shaky and weak hand from under the pelt, pausing to rest the limb above the covers. Slowly he lifted his left hand, barely reaching his target. He swatted uselessly at Twilight’s chest, trying to find a grip. Finally he managed to snag onto the older’s tunic, just above his heart.

“What are you doing?” Twilight chuckled, all ire forgotten at the Cub’s clumsy actions. This would be the hard part. Wild prepped himself, before putting all his strength into his left arm and pulling himself up as far as possible. Even the simple motion of pulling himself up was like climbing a mountain, all his stamina depleted by the time he put his plan into action as his ribs jolted and burned. His world twisted and swirled as dizziness washed over him, his head feeling light and his eyes watering.

“Wild!” Twilight yelped in surprise, hopefully not waking the camp. Automatically his arms flew around Wild to catch the boy now cradled to his chest. “What the hell are you doing?” Twilight asked again, far more bafflement and scolding in his tone. Wild stubbornly shoved his head into the crook of Twilight’s neck, breathing hard. Nausea surrounded him and his aching muscles cramped and twitched. Twilight winced as Wild coughed directly into his throat. Good things this wasn’t contagious.

“You can’t do that! You can’t push your body like that!” Twilight scolded, his words contradicted his actions as he rubbed soothing circles into Wild’s back.

“I mean, you could have asked.” Warriors agreed, smirking at the scene before him now that Wild seemed to be recovering from his little stunt.

“Stay.” Wild demanded, gripping Twilight’s shirt as the other was cradled to his own chest uselessly. His body had no more energy left to spare and he relied completely on Twilight to keep him from falling.

“I’m right here.” Twilight’s exasperated tone morphed more into confusion. Twilight wasn’t getting it. He was warm. Wild was so cold, and he wanted to be warm. Even if that meant soaking up heat from Twilight like a lizard did on a sunny rock.

“Warm.” Wild’s lips twisted into a crooked smile, not aware enough to try and make both the scarred and unscarred sides of his face match. Warriors didn’t even hide his fond grin at the cheesy sight before him, and Twilight’s shocked face was certainly a bonus.

“Wild your fever.” Twilight chided nervously, attempting to gently get Wild away from his body heat. Even being in his lap was pushing it, Hyrule told him to be careful before he went to bed.

“Warm.” Wild huffed, annoyed at Twilight moving too much. Twilight glared at the muffled laugh he heard from Warriors. ‘Help me!’ Twilight mouthed, glaring at him as the other just shrugged and smirked. Jackass. Twilight supposed it would be okay for a little bit, but… just until Wild fell asleep. Besides, Twilight couldn’t bring himself to push Wild off with the dopey and lopsided the grin the younger had. Instead Twilight tucked the covers and pelt around him, knowing he made the right choice when Wild sighed happily and burrowed further. It was the most content he had seen Wild in days, and if Hyrule found out Twilight had disobeyed his instructions and kicked his ass, it’d be worth it.

“We can watch his fever. Let him have this.” Warriors confirmed the voice in his head, and Twilight relaxed at the fact someone else agreed, allowing himself to lean against the wall to better support Wild’s weight.

“Yeah, I don’t wanna move him.” Wild made a noise that Twilight could only interpret as agreement, and tried not to laugh and disturb the boy curled into him. 

“He can understand what we’re saying… that has to be progress, right?” Warriors questioned.

“Yeah, but at this point his fever breaking is the best we can hope for.” Twilight responded as he felt Wild succumb to sleep once more. Twilight didn’t want to admit how worried he was that his fever would never break. He knew that Wild would get better, really he did. But Hylia what Wild had said… what would Twilight do if he had the option. If Wild was dying in his arms and he had a choice. If he had a choice between Wild living with no memories, waking up with them all gone, probably long dead, alone and scared. Or letting Wild, his cub, die. Both options almost sent Twilight over the edge of despair just picturing it.

“Stop.” Warriors scolded, eyes peering into him. Twilight snapped out of his thoughts and glanced back in surprise. “I know what you’re dwelling on. Stop it. It won’t help anything.” Warriors’ tone was harsh, but his eyes were compassionate.

“I know but-”

“No buts. It won’t come to that.”

“You don’t know that.” Twilight’s voice cracked ever so slightly. Warriors sighed, of course he didn’t. Of course Twilight wasn’t the only one who thought at night about where this quest could lead.

“None of us do. But focusing on what-ifs, especially insanely specific ones, doesn’t help it just makes us all suffer. All of us, Twilight.” Warriors stressed, relieved at Twilight’s eyes widening, knowing he had gotten through. The words were harsh, but Twilight never listened when it was just his health on the line. He needed to know that watching him go through that hurt, just as it hurt them when one of the other Links were in a pit of anger and hurt.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Twilight squeezed Wild, needing to feel his heartbeat against his own. He focused on the breaths he felt against his neck. They were shallow and rough but they were there.

“Don’t be, I get it.” Warriors assured. “But let's face it if we think about everything that could happen on this crazy fucking quest we’ll be here for weeks.”

“Yeah…” Twilight shifted, ensuring Wild didn’t have too much pressure on his ribs.

“I’ll watch his fever, you need to rest.” Warriors commanded softly.

“You know that’s not happening.” Twilight glared.

“I didn’t ask you to sleep, I asked you to rest. You need it.” Warriors raised a challenging eyebrow, turning concerned when Twilight just nodded.

“Yeah… okay. Just make sure he doesn’t get too hot.” Twilight leaned his head against the rock, shushing Wild when he mumbled and huffed as his pillow moved. Warriors reached over and placed his hand on the cub’s forehead. 

“It’s fine for now.” Warriors smiled, happy the raging fever had dulled, even a little.

Both Warriors and Twilight quieted, and Twilight allowed himself to simply breathe as Warriors kept a sharp eye on the world around them.

 ~~~

Wild is on a mission and no one shall stop him.

Thank you all for reading! I'll update the summary when I rewrite a chapter so you all know.

And thank you all again so much for the support. I love every comment, and I’m so glad so many people enjoy this story!

[freddiekluger]

i love the "mike seeing the ghosts" idea SO much in general, so i've interspersed the main cap headcanon with some ones for the other ghosts- i love mike sm so thanks for requesting!!!

it started as a tickle in his throat, but come evening mike comes down with a serious chest infection. alison drives him to the doctor's in time to grab some antibiotics, but they've got a function at button house this week so for the most part alison has to keep her distance- can't afford for both of them to get sick, especially considering how many repairs, decorations, and vendor meetings still need to be sorted. mike pops a couple tablets before passing out.

the next morning, alison has to go out to run some errands, so mike finds himself stumbling to the kitchen for breakfast the next day. julian's already there, doing his trademark lunges while listening to the horse racing (it's become his ritual whenever the races are on- he's insufferable otherwise, so alison lets him keep the radio). they share a nod, and it's not until after mike sits down with his cereal that he realises he's just nodded at a dead politician with his balls out. between that and the phlegm in his chest, it was a rough start to the day to say the least.

after he gets over the whole "ohmygodicanseedeadpeopleholyshit" (and at least one reenactment of the hospital scene from the sixth sense), along with greeting the various ghosts he encounters on his way back to bed, via the loo (both him and mary got quite a shock when she "peeked on him at privy"), mike collapses onto the bed.

a pillow over his head, mike lets out a few substantial groans before hearing a cough that, surprisingly, doesn't come from him. he slides his head out from under the pillow and sits up to see a greying, slightly awkward figure in period military dress standing in the doorway. he assumes this must be the captain.

captain:

mike: hi?

captain: oh, hello. i was just on my way back from my morning run* and mary mentioned that you can, well, see us now.

mike: yep. [coughs] that's pretty much the deal. not sure why though

captain: oh that'll be the antibiotics you've got there. strong stuff, eh? anyways, i thought i'd stop by and say hello. hello

mike: hi. i would say nice to meet you, but [a coughing fit ensues]

captain: ahem, quite

[silence]

mike, holding up a video game casing: well, i was just gonna play this, if you don't mind?

*this is technically true. the captain is indeed, on the way back from his morning run, except his morning run finished half an hour ago, and he's been waiting for the right time to introduce himself to mike. unlike thomas, he doesn't expect anything to lead anywhere, but that doesn't stop him from wanting to be alone with the rather handsome buffoon.

mike's holding one of those war themed combat games, the kind with a vague plot but mostly battles and button mashing. the captain's temporarily distracted from staring at mikes arms, and starts quizzing him about the game itself. by the time the loading screen is done, mike's already gotten the impression that the captain doesn't want to leave for a few different reasons, and it's not like you have a WW2 army captain of hand to help you work out strategy every day, so they pretty quickly end up teaming up- long gone are mike's days of button mashing (or, mostly long gone. "sometimes it works!"). the only condition was that the captain had to stop calling mike 'michael'- mike said it reminded him of his grandad too much.

- the game has moments where your character can romance any of the other characters, regardless of gender- mike's a dirty player, the captain gets rather awkward when mike decided the best way to achieve his immediate goal is to seduce all relevant characters into giving up troop information, and mike would be lying if he didn't find it at least a little bit entertaining to watch

- in between levels, and when waiting for lives to replenish, mike asks cap about his time in the war, and the captain loves having someone to listen to all his stories (even if most of them are second hand). he keeps having to remind himself not to stare, because mike can actually notice his eyes wandering, but of course that just makes him even more aware of it and the cycle of awkward noises and obviously-not-looking continues. alison has let slip to mike that the captain is likely a bit of a bender, and is relatively flattered by the possibility of cap liking HIM (not to mention not wanting to accidentally send him into a toxic 40s shame spiral), so mike just keeps the friendly conversation going to keep cap feeling comfortable. the captain's crush migrates to the left, and by day four or five him and mike really are friends more than anything else- if there's one thing the captain couldn't stand, it would be turning into one thomas thorne, although he still gets a few butterflies when mike compliments his strategy after a tough level. (it's not every day you have the attention of a handsome man who thinks you're a genius- especially when you're dead)

- it warms alison's heart to see the captain having the closest thing to fun he's had since they arrived, and the whole ghost set up works well for her and mike- mike needs the company, and alison can't afford to get sick or fall behind on jobs

- kitty loves mike (not romantically, she just thinks he's neat!), and eventually joins him and cap for their video games. cap was dismissive of her at first (one part possessiveness over mike's time, one part disbelief that kitty could be a good player), but kitty ends up rivalling him when it comes to strategy. after one too many nights locked outside and having to break back in to her own home, she's become an expert at espionage (even if she won't admit her experience was anything other than a fun childhood game.) with cap and kitty helping him out, mike makes more progress in a single day than he had in a week of gameplay. not to mention, kitty could really use the confidence boost from mike's compliments which he gives to both of his gaming partners frequently, although he draws the line at kitty's georgian cough remedies

extras:

- fanny ignores him as overcompensation for Redding Weddy. well, i say ignore, but she's somehow always the first one to volunteer when alison asks one of the ghosts to check on him

- mike considers going down to the cellar to get a look at the plague ghosts. mike heads to the door. mike remembers the sheer amount of skeletons when they dug up the plague pit. mike pulls his blanket tighter around his shoulders and heads away from the door.

- obviously, thomas avoids mike wherever possible. mike barely even knows what thomas's voice sounds like by the time things go back to normal

- mike feels bad for humphrey, and keeps trying to pick his head up and place it amongst the action before remembering he can't actually touch him. he also feels bad for screaming everytime he sees humphrey's body stumbling around. it was in the bathroom one night, and let's just say it was lucky there was a toilet nearby.

- pat invites himself to watch mike, kitty, and the captain as they tackle the final levels together, on the proviso that he doesn't make a sound. pat's rubbish at tactical planning, even if he can plan a mean scouts activity, but he's just happy to watch. it's nice to see the cap really having some fun, and see kitty included. it'll be sad for everyone once mike finishes his course of antibiotics

- thing eventually do go back to normal, and the captain misses mike's company far more than he thought he would. mike's still around, but not being able to properly talk to him is tough, and the captain realised that he was maybe more fond of mike than he convinced himself (mike will still make a thomas thorne out of him yet). mike strangely misses the funny soldier, and the georgian 'battlemistress' (kitty chose the title herself), and alison finds herself constantly passing messages between them. they're currently testing out all the ghost-communication equipment under the sun (within a reasonable price range) to see if they can find a better solution

thanks sm for this one, and so sorry for the delay! i've been battling with hardcore brain fog, so it's been difficult to create totally new stuff with words- hope this was up to scratch

[starlightxsvt]

Pink Dress || Joshua Hong au

Pairing: bad boy!Joshua x female reader

Genre: Fluff, slice of life, lil angst, suggestive, spice

Warnings: cursing, bad boy joshua coming for y'all

"What were you thinking when you wore this dress?" Joshua's dark eyes pierce into yours and you feel a little weak in the knees. As you fiddle with the hem of your dress, you squeak out a reply, "The weather was hot, you know."

It really was hot. The day started with you deciding to stay in the shelter of your home to avoid the blazing sun outside and finish your papers for the final. However, your plans changed with a call from Joshua.

He wanted to hang out with you in the library as he had a couple of books to pick up from there. You, being completely wrapped around Joshua's finger said yes without a second delay and promised the boy you'd meet him by 1 o'clock.

You rushed to pick an outfit, wanting to look pretty in front of Joshua. The male was the 'bad boy' of your campus; or so the rumors floating around suggested. It was your first year and like any other person with eyesight, you developed a crush on him. Which you kept to yourself until Joshua took a weird interest in you. He'd visit you during lunch, help you with your biology project, drop you home in his bike and even saved you from bullies a couple times.

It all made your heart swoon and turn your brain into mush. Soon enough, he's dragging you into corners and stealing kisses and touches with dirty, lustful words that fogs up your brain. That's when you fully realized, you were done for.

You have offered him your heart on a plate and now it was his to break. You try to subside the growing feelings for him in your heart but they only threaten to spill out. Hence, you thought it was necessary to look pretty in front of him.

You look lovely in pink, he'd said once when you wore pink to class. Remembering that and the awful weather outside, you go with a pink sundress with spaghetti straps and a low back,the hem reaching your mid thigh. It was a recent purchase and you were more than happy to see it's perfect fit.

You realized as you were halfway towards the library that the universe was not on your side. Out if nowhere, the sky is casted with thick clouds like they show in the horror movies and it starts raining cats and dogs. The campus library was about 10 minutes walk from your house but you make it in about 5, cursing yourself for not checking the weather forecast.

You see Joshua standing in front of the library building and rush over to him, drenched.

He quickly pulls you inside and his eyes darken as he scans you. That's how you end up with a fuming Joshua who looked very displeased with your choice of outfit.

"I can fucking see your bra, Y/n."

Your eyes widen as you quickly cover your chest with your backpack. Joshua sighs, frustrated. "Do you really think this outfit is appropriate for the library? Or were you trying to get me worked up? If so, then great, it worked."

"What? No!" You protest, a blush covering your cheeks.

Joshua takes off his leather jacket and puts it on you, ushering you into the library. After you take a seat, he hands you his handkerchief, motioning you to wipe your hair. As you do so, he disappears into the quietness of the library and returns a while later with a couple books in his hands.

"Are you here for these?" You ask.He nods, taking a seat beside you. You rub you hands together, feeling chilly.

"Cold?" He asks softly.

"A little."

"I'll drop you home once it stops raining. I shouldn't have called you out."

"No!" You reply, scared he regrets calling you. "I wanted to hang out with you too. I should've checked the weather."

"Forget it." He whispers, his eyes raking over you once again, making you squirm. "You look... sexy."

A blush blooms on your cheek, "Thank you. I-I wore it for y-you."

His pupils dilate slightly as a smirk kisses his lips, "Oh sweetheart, what am I gonna do with you?"

Make me your girlfriend, maybe.

He tucks a strand of loose hair behind your ear before leaning in to press his lips against yours. You kiss him with the same eagerness until you remember you are in public. You slightly push him away, not meeting his eyes as you chew your bottom lip.

His hand rests on your thigh as his fingers draw soft patters on your skin. He takes in your features, a feeling of adoration and desire settling in his heart.

"If I asked you to come to my house now, would you agree?"

You swallow, meeting his eyes. He never asked you to his home before. "Y-yes."

"Shit, when will this fucking rain stop." He rakes his hand through his soft locks impatiently.

You bite your lip, "You know, I'm already soaked. Why don't w-we, uhm, leave already?"

Joshua meets your eyes, a bit surprised. You yourself can't believe the words came out of you as you look down into you lap, embarrassed by your eagerness.

"Are you sure?" He says already standing up. His face engulfed in a crooked smile and his eyes intense and darker than the clouds outside, his mind wandering to the filthy things he wants to do with you.

"Y-yes," You reached for his outstretched hand. You knew you were only making way for your heart to get broken but the boy in front of you is worth the heartbreak.

A/N: I can't believe I've wrote this in one sitting. Anyway, I've always had a thing for bad boy Joshua in a bike and so I had to write this. As always, feedbacks are greatly appreciated! 💖

[rae-gar-targaryen]

hi! i've never really known how to put this into words, but now seems a better time than ever now that you're hosting a little anon hour 🥺 you don't have to post this, i just wanted to let you know what has been gign through my mind every time i pass by your blog. i've been in a perpetual writer's loop ever since i got covid last christmas — my long covid brain fog had kind of snatched what little confidence i had in my writing. with that being said, i've just been running through this perpetual cycle of:

can i write? ➡ holy crap this is bad ➡ a one hour period of writing somewhat coherent fragments ➡ burnout ➡ repeat

all that to say that i don't exactly read for any of the characters that you write for, but i remember stumbling across amor fati recently and it. . . it reminded me of what i wanted out of my writing. at first i lterally wanted to DIE because ??? who writes that beautifully ???? but then it's like it cut through the mist and showed me exactly what i was shooting for before i started getting bogged down by what i can and can't do with words and punctuation and what i do and don't know, and how i want my words to make a reader feel when they first skim each line — warm, and entranced, and inspired — and i didn't know how to put it into words but, to sum up the mass of my feelings, i just wanted to say thank you. your writing is impeccable, and it's really brought me guided me back to what i loved about writing.

Oh -- my -- gosh. Well, if you don't mind, I will post this because you should know what your words mean to me. From the very bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you, thank you, for your kind words about my writing.

It means more than I could ever adequately express to hear that something I committed to words resonated with another person (especially if I don't really write for anyone you read!)

I just want to say to you about your own writing and what you described, if you don't mind and I'm sorry in advance if this gets a little long because you've touched on SO many things I want to respond to -- 💜💜

Your cycle of writing sounds exactly like mine does, and I know we aren't alone in that. "Amor Fati" took me months to write, from the time I saw eternals in the theater in November until I dropped it last month. It was the first thing I'd posted in about five months??? And I was SO SCARED to post it.

Because I thought it wasn't as good as anything as I had done previously.

Because I've had people tell me my writing is a "slog" to get through or that my oneshots are too long.

Because I wasn't sure I was doing the character justice.

Because I felt a lot of brain fog about my own plot, and was the tone right but were we also being purposeful??

I bring this up to say, I completely empathize with brain fog. And my process is literally to jot down little segments of nonsense, or dialogue snippets I think of as I'm dozing off, of words and phrases that fit the "vibe" even if they don't belong to a sentence yet -- SERIOUSLY you should see my notes app. It's wild in there.

There is no one way to write.

And the truly beautiful thing about fanfic is that your tone, your structure can be what you make it, it can be so uniquely you. As you might have guessed-- I enjoy metaphor. I like sentences that traipse through a thought, where others might punch more directly. I like callbacks and tie-ins. I like semicolons and use of emphasis. I want you to be able to see it in your head, but also to feel it.

Because I truly believe, yourself included, every writer does something both universal and unique -- you string words together in a combination no one ever has before to convey your own ideas. And it always, always makes your reader FEEL something. And you have the unique power as the storyteller to help guide emotion, to guide it into a resolution you choose. I think there's something truly special about that.

I guess the last thing that I'll say is we're always harder on ourselves than anyone (our readers included) is going to be on us. I promise you, your writing isn't "bad." It's a gift that you give with your time, your emotion, your dedication that no one else can give because no one else writes like you.

I'm truly so honored that something I wrote could (potentially) aid in coming to a conclusion about your own style. Sometimes when I read other people's work I feel so.... Liberated by it?? If that makes sense?? Seeing what other people can do with the written word makes me feel like I'm drifting down a river in the current and I get to enjoy the drift, the scenery, the path.

FINALLY (I swear I'll stop talking) -- I hope you feel better, sweets. I'm sorry to hear that you have been struggling and suffering with long covid. I'm wishing you health and wellness and warmth and honey.

If you'd like to see me write for someone you like, you're more than welcome to send me a request with a character and maybe a little prompt, if you're up for it. (Anonymously or not). And if you'd like to share at some point, please feel free to tag me in your writing. I'd love to read, and it would be my honor to support you.

Blessings, babe! Now excuse me while I go print this out and cherish it forever because this is honestly the highest praise I've ever received. And thank you for reading my writing 💜🌿🌻

it's anon hour

[liron-ao3]

Brilliant

A Doctor Who–Destiel–Malec Oneshot

"This is brilliant!" the Doctor exclaims. She pushes some buttons on the console of the TARDIS. "Brilliant!"

"How is this 'brilliant'?" Alec asks. "We're trapped in a TV show."

"No, we are trapped in a TV series, Shadowhunter," Yaz hisses.

Castiel huffs in frustration. "It's probably just one of Gabriel's stupid jokes."

"Gabriel?" the Doctor asks. "Oh, the Archangel. Amy loved him, but not as much as she loved you, Cass."

"Where do you know his name from?" Dean demands to know.

The Doctor rolls her eyes. "I watched the show, Dean. Crappy ending, sorry."

"You... what!?" Dean asks.

"Nevermind. That's more brain-wracking than the usual time travel paradoxes. But I'm thrilled to meet you all. Umm—what are you doing, Magnus?" She raises an eyebrow at the warlock who lets his magic run over the console.

"This is worse than the technology in the Institute," he mutters.

Alec pulls him away cautiously. "Maybe you shouldn't mess with it then, love?" he suggests, smiling strained, holding tight on his husband's hand.

"Aww, you're the reboot version. I was so happy when Netflix saw sense. And your boys are the cutest," the Doctor chirps.

"Boys?" Magnus asks.

"Doctor, they might be from episode one of season four. Look at their clothes," Yaz whispers, but it's loud enough for Dean to hear it.

"There are only three seasons of Shadowhunters," he states. "It ends when they marry and Clary loses her memories, but gets them back in the last few seconds. It wasn't the best ending, but at least the gays were happy." Dean's grin reaches from ear to ear before it falters at Castiel's stern look.

"Dean, did you watch 3b without me?"

Dean shrugs. "If you wouldn't always run out on me or die then we coulda watched it. It was on my playlist for aeons. And I needed something to distract me from… You know." He waves his hand up and down the angel.

"Jesus! That's like that time when Sam and I were in this weird Hollywood dimension, with that Russian guy that looked like Cass!"

"Wait!" Magnus says. "I watched Doctor Who for six decades and Supernatural for fifteen years—I agree, Doctor, the 'finale' was crap. But if you all know us from a show called Shadowhunters, then we must be in some kind of dimension that morphs everything into a TV series that everyone else has watched."

The Doctor claps her hands together. "The French mistake—one of my favourites!"

"No, Russian." Dean shakes his head and rolls his eyes. He always loved the Doctor and was excited for a woman to take over the role, but he thinks he might have been able to live without her enthusiasm about their little get together. They have a world to save, after all.

"Chuck has a strange sense of humour, but that doesn't sound like one of his interventions," Alec states. "Why would he put us all in the TARDIS?"

"What do we all have in common?" Dean asks.

"We're kinda humans," Alec says.

"Time Lady."

"Angel."

"Warlock. And you're not fully human either, Alexander."

The shadowhunter chews his lips.

"But you three have some kind of mojo," Dean supplies.

The Doctor furrows her brow. "You're right. Cass has grace, Magnus magic, and timelord technology is so highly evolved, it could be seen as magical. If there is a—" she trails off and points her sonic screwdriver first at the warlock then at the angel. Then she listens to her ship. "You're right," she says and putters about the console.

"Care to fill us in?" Alec asks.

The Doctor pushes a button and a high-pitched sound makes them all cover their ears. "Gotcha!"

"What?" Castiel asks.

"I know what we have in common. We all have a fam. You've got the SPN family, and you," she turns to Alec and Magnus, "your fans call themselves shadowfam. And I?" She smiles brightly. "I have Yaz, Graham, and Ryan."

"You agreed on team TARDIS, Doctor," Magnus reminds her.

"Still, feels like fam to me." She shrugs. "So…" She quirks her lips in thought. "Some blood magic, maybe?"

"But family doesn't end in blood," Dean argues.

"Right, Bobby taught you that. Wish the showrunners remembered that in season 15," Alec murmurs. Dean gives him a strange side look.

"Is something wrong, Dean?"

"Nah, Cass," he says and pulls his gaze from the intertwined hands of the Lightwood-Banes. "So, maybe some rune thingy?"

Alec pulls a face. "Could turn Yaz and you into forsakens. Maybe even the Doctor. Better not."

"Can't you just put the coordinates in and throw us out in the bunker. Or in front of it? No idea if the warding would keep the TARDIS out or not." Dean frowns.

"Wouldn't work," Magnus says. "If this dimension, or whatever it is, thinks that we are all fictional, then the coordinates can't bring us into our worlds. We might end up in your dimension. I like our vampires better."

"Awesome!" Dean groans.

Magnus curls his fingers around his chin in deep thought. "I could summon a dimension demon, but they usually demand things one would rather die than do."

"Like what?" Castiel asks.

"The last time I had to pay one, he wanted me to drink seelie wine."

"Doesn't sound too bad," Dean says.

"You've never had seelie wine. That stuff is worse than the touch of a Djinn." Dean whistles in acknowledgement.

"Could still be worth it. I mean we need to get back to our friends, and yours are surely waiting, too," Yaz supplies.

"The TARDIS is stuck in this dimension, Doc?" Alec asks.

"Yes. Positive."

"Then we should begin," Magnus says, conjuring chalks. "We all will be home soon."

***

They stand in a circle around the pentagram drawn on the floor of the TARDIS.

"We must initiate a bond. Once this bond is sealed,..." Magnus starts.

"...it cannot be broken until the demon retreats," Castiel ends his sentence and smiles softly at Alec, who blushes fiercely.

"Well, this time, I won't be the one who'll break it in a gay panic," he huffs. Yaz snickers.

Dean furrows his brow, ignoring Castiel eyeing him. He recites the summoning spell together with Magnus and the Doctor. Green flames rise in their midst. They aren't hot, but their sight hurts the eyes. A deep growl speaks to them, and Castiel turns pale.

"I haven't heard this demonic dialect in a while," he calls over the noises. "Did he say what I think he said?"

Magnus worries his lip between his teeth. "I think he did."

"I can't."

"What, Cass. What does he ask for? Give it to him. It can't be that bad," Dean shouts.

"It isn't. At least not for me." Castiel looks at the Doctor. "Any Supernatural sequels you've seen by any chance?"

"No, sorry. I got stuck at the Destiel YouTube vids. Didn't get around to checking future releases. But you two always reminded me of Rose and me, you know?" She looks sad at the memory of her lost love.

"No. A human doppelgänger won't do," Castiel says firmly. He says something in the demon's tongue and gets a rumble in reply.

Magnus nods at him. "My magic can hold the circle. But hurry."

The others stare at them. "Why doesn't the TARDIS translate his words?" Yaz asks.

"This demon is too old," the Doctor says. "Even older than evil itself. No one speaks this language anymore but angels and demon-blooded ones, as it seems."

"Lucky me, huh?" Castiel presses out. He lets go of Magnus' hand and turns to Dean. The warlock holds the gap with his magic. "I know how you see yourself, Dean…"

"We don't have time for the whole death speech. Fast forward," Magnus hisses, clearly struggling to hold the bond.

Castiel frowns at him but nods. He turns his face back to Dean. "I'm sorry. I know you never wanted that to happen. It's simply what the demon demands. It doesn't have to mean anything, okay?"

"What are you talking about, man?"

Castiel smiles at him. "I love you." And then he leans in and kisses him. It's chaste but after a moment of shock, Dean returns the kiss, and his hand cards through Castiel's hair. Thunder booms around them and dense fog separates the different duos. The demon disappears with a screeching noise and when the fog thins out, the places where the two couples were standing are empty.

"It worked!" the Doctor rejoices. Yaz grins at her. "Let's get to the boys."

"No, Mulder, this isn't a UFO. It's surely just a high-quality film set," a redhead in pantsuit and coat says as she strolls into the room.

"Scully!" the Doctor cheers. "Brilliant!"

[talesofsonicasura]

Origami Dreams

Another experimental fic involving Jujustu Kaisen but with Yuji this time.

Origami, the craft of folding paper to create extraordinary creations. An art very treasured in the far East especially one specific legend. It was said if one were to fold a 1,000 paper cranes, then the gods will grant that person a single wish for their dexterous hard work. Something a lot of people gave up on from how difficult or monotonous the task was.

To one little boy named Yuji Itadori, it was a pastime he spent alongside his grandfather. For it all started when a classmate had given him a book on origami. He couldn't remember her name but he never forgot the image of fire and lightning upon the memory.

Not even the next day, his classmate had perished in a vicious car accident. To keep her last gift from becoming forgotten, little Yuji began to learn the craft of origami. First it started small like flowers or a snake, then in three months he crafted fantastic dragons, phoenixes and even an origami castle from scratch with masterful talent.

His favorite pieces of origami were simpler than all of his creations. It was a pair of sibling rulers, a king and his younger sister. They sat happily together on two thrones belonging to his origami castle, although he needed his grandfather's help to put them there properly.

Something that always brought him joy was looking at his masterpiece alongside his grandfather. You can only imagine the look of 7 year old Yuji on a day that could be described as a nightmare. A small boy with chocolate brown eyes, salmon hair sitting over almost black thin locks, and barely 3 ft tall watch his grandfather get carted into an ambulance.

The man had suffered a severe stroke which had put his only guardian into a deep coma. A tragedy that left a child returning to an empty house all alone. For a few days, Yuji barely ate anything and avoided his room where his castle lied. One day, he had found or to be precise tripped over the origami book given to him by his fallen classmate.

The book opened onto the legend of the 1,000 paper cranes. Something that gave the boy's soul fire once more. He returned to his room and began his quest to fold the finest paper cranes he could make. Searched every room for spare paper, if he ran out then he took any he could such as pages and color sheets.

Over the span of months, the little boy crafted paper crane after paper crane. Even if he missed up multiple times or lost a few cranes, Yuji never gave up. Finally on the night before his birthday, the child was crafting the last two paper cranes. Cranes crafted from various paper circles around the near 8 year old at his desk.

Slightly pudgy hands tiredly work to fold the wings of a red paper crane with the light of his desk lamp. Above his highest shelf sat a large green checkered origami castle and between its walls were two thrones which sat two origami people. They were sibling rulers for the folded crowns that sat on their sun blond hair heads.

"I'm... almost finished." Said the little boy, drowsiness slowly taking over his senses. He shakily picked up the last piece of blue construction paper and began to fold. Yuji's eyes felt heavy as fog filled his thoughts. First was the body, then came the head, and the wings were to follow.

"Only...a few…*yawn* more folds…" His head turned slightly to the castle of origami's sitting rulers. Their smiling eyes looking back at him as he was on the last two folds. Yuji needed to make a wish before folding the last crane.

It was getting harder to stay awake but he wouldn't sleep until he finished this. The salmon haired child looked at the incomplete paper bird in his hands. Vision growing fuzzy from tiredness, Yuji made the last fold and with his last bit of consciousness made a wish.

"I wish I wasn't alone…" And the boy's mind went black followed by a soft thud. Unbeknownst to the child, his wish would come true as the clock struck twelve. It wouldn't be how he expected though.

Something dull and pointy began to poke the boy's pudgy cheek. Crumbled words reaching the child's ears as his brain slowly came to life. "Hey brother! Our not paper creator is waking up! His rosy cheeks feel like pillows!" A childish young girl's bursting with excitement spoke as Yuji tiredly realized he wasn't alone.

Sleepy brown eyes slowly open to two very familiar pieces of origami overlooking him. Two people with one female and the other male. The female had blond hair with two large curls folded at the back, a folded dress robe made from yellow construction paper, peach paper forming the head with two small black strips to make little eyes, two point folded paper crown that adorn her head, white point fold arms and dark brown point fold legs.

Her male companion had pale blonde hair folded into a large curl that cover the left side of his face, a royal robe made from dark violet construction paper, a gold three pointed paper crown sat on his head with narrow black pieces paper to form eyes that were in a deadpan expression at the moment, purple point fold arms and white point fold legs.

Yuji knew who these surprisingly 1 ft and half tall origami were, they were the two siblings of his Origami Castle: Olly and his little sister Olivia. His two prized creations were floating before, completely alive almost if by magic. The 1,000 Paper Cranes magic. In seconds, the sleepiness faded away as the salmon hair boy sat up in relative shock.

"No doubt the young child is having an existential moment. He may have crafted the 1,000 paper cranes but he wasn't aware of the power that origami can possess. Particularly to those dedicated to the art." Spoke Olly who floated around the room to observe the child's work.

Olivia merely sat herself on the boy's desk to look at the various cranes that sat there. "Creator, take a few deep breaths. It should help calm you down a bit." Without even questioning her instructions, the little boy took a few deep breaths. His nerves and shell shock dissipating in little time.

"You're saying that all my hardwork brought you both to life? Does it mean that something happened to Grandpa too?" Olly flew over to Yuji upon the spoken question. "If you are talking about 'Wasuke Itadori', the hospital had made a call a few hours ago. His pulse has returned to normal and should be waking up soon. He is in extensive care, sadly. It means he can't leave without further risk to his health."

Even though his grandfather was stuck in the hospital, knowing his only family is going to be okay made the little boy happy. The 1,000 Paper Cranes had fulfilled his wish although with two extra attachments. Olly and Olivia had been brought to life. Speaking of which…

"You guys don't have to call me Creator all the time. Just call me Yuji." Yuji smiled brightly at the origami siblings. Olivia giggled before playfully patting the child's cheek. "Sure! Olly, Olivia and Yuji! That sounds like the beginning of a fairytale." The paper princess wasn't wrong on that assumption.

After that day, the little boy now lived in the once empty house with the two living origami. Something that had a lot of obstacles to face but nothing too harsh. First was money for necessary essentials, such as food and water but learning material too.

Selling origami was actually a good source of income with the presence of the two paper siblings. Olly and Olivia had magic which they used for various things but at the moment was to keep any origami Yuji sold to be immune to both damage and age. Some of his creations went from 200 yen to even 5,000 yen per piece depending on how advanced it was.

The two siblings would have to keep out of sight since any normal person would hunt them down for bad purposes. Luckily, Olly and Olivia could fold themselves to pocket size pieces that Yuji could carry with no trouble but they couldn't come to school.

Cooking wasn't much of an issue to learn although there were quite a few accidents with cookbooks and a blender that should never be told. However it appeared that there was much more to his life than magical Origami. For two years later, Yuji learned Olly and Olivia weren't the only ones who changed. He did too.

A 10 year old Yuji Itadori had found himself in a very bad situation. Sometimes selling origami creations would be difficult at some point during each year. This often led the young boy scavenging through abandoned places to look for anything valuable to sell.

He had found an old empty shack that wasn't too far from his house. It had enough scrap metal and loose change that could make up around 9,000 yen in cash alone. Problem was that there was... something living in the shack. And it wasn't friendly.

Yuji was running for his life with Olivia and Olly in his pockets. Behind the child was a blobfish-like abomination with multiple bulging yellow eyes across a gross green body, 15 deformed hands bent in unnatural ways that serve as legs and a large mouth filled with monstrous teeth along a long slimy tongue.

"What is that thing?! It looks so gross!" Olivia screamed within his shirt pocket. The monster had taken them by surprise when they were searching for more scraps. Too fast to prepare anything except to run. "I think it might be a Curse. Something about this world felt off so I did a personal investigation." Chimed Olly from Yuji's jacket pocket.

Both kept their little tirade about breaking the house rule quiet to hear what vital information that could save their life. "Curses are creatures invisible and invulnerable to those without Cursed Energy. I did come across an interesting fact, our Origami Magic can be used to successfully fight them!" Eyes widened upon Olly's explanation.

Too bad Yuji's foot got caught on a tree root which sent the child to the ground hard. "Yuji!" Olivia shot out of his pocket quickly unfolding herself to full size so she could help the boy up. None of them could prepare when the hideous Curse leapt at the two. Life flashing before his eyes, a single thought went through the salmon haired boy's head.

I want to live!

In seconds, the sound of rippling paper and a distorted gasp tore the silence to pieces. Opening eyes he didn't realize that he even closed, Yuji was greeted by an incredible sight. The vicious curse had been snared in large peach ropes of folded Origami that led to a dark blue fold. The very paper itself was the child's own arms, flesh and cloth turned into powerful origami of 1,000 folds.

Without hesitation, Yuji held the monster tighter in his grips as he raised his long origami arms into the air. "Leave us alone!!!" And the child slammed the monster brutally into the ground. It splatted but not into blood or gore. No, the creature exploded into paper confetti of its original green color.

Olly slipped out of Yuji's pocket to stare at the scene in utter shock before turning to his sister. A glowing orange symbol of a hand was on the right side of her chest which vanished upon Yuji's hands turning back to normal. "That was the 1,000-Fold Arms Technique you just did! And the...Curse turned into confetti." Olivia gawked in absolute shock.

It made no sense. Only paper or origami could use the technique and only origami would become confetti upon defeat. Not the hands of a child or a defeated monster. There was only one explanation. "Our magical presence has affected Yuji. He can use origami magic." That very sentence from male origami ruler was enough to picture how things had drastically changed.

After that day, the boy and his two paper companions learned to understand the powers little Yuji now had. It was a hard task for experimentations were needed thus led to occasional battles against Curses. Over the span of 5 years, the child had grown into a young man skilled in the art of origami magic.

There were still some spells he couldn't do without assistance from either Olly or Olivia but Yuji could defend himself against moderate strength Curses now. Although, nothing could compare for the third thing to come into his life. The Cursed Finger of Ryomen Sukuna.

It had occurred two weeks before afternoon clubs would begin at his local high school. The once small child now was a teenager standing around 5'8 in height and most of his baby fat was replaced with lean powerful bulk. Even though Olly and Olivia couldn't really grow like he could, the two happily took advantage of his new height to hang onto his shoulders instead.

Wearing a long coat or cloak on his back along with this 'koala cuddle' meant they didn't have to hide in his pockets if the weather was nice. Anyway, he had a huge cram session to deal with since there would be a big test in a few days. This meant that sometimes he couldn't cook and had instant ramen substitute for dinner.

What he didn't know was in the extra large cup of beef and pork ramen, something had accidentally got inside the package. Olly was sitting across the table looking through the stack of books Yuji had brought home. The origami prince had taken up reading and writing as a personal hobby so the teen often picked up books or writing material.

Olivia was sitting on the couch watching a cartoon on the TV. She usually spent her time drawing comics or acting out scenes from her favorite shows. In fact, Yuji made an account on the computer where the origami princess could post her comics whenever she wanted. Something that exploded across the internet as they end up getting emails to publish them on real paperback.

"Hey Olly, that stapler you wanted to buy should be in stores a few days from now. You want me to grab it for you?" Yuji questioned while slurping some noodles. "Table manners Yuji. And yes, I would like that. It's been so long since I've seen my beloved pet." The origami prince replied while flipping to the next page of his book.

The salmon haired young man pulled up something wrapped up in his ramen noodles. It was too tightly wound to take a better look but the teen could see it was dark meat of some type. Shrugging his shoulders, Yuji put the clump of noodles and meat in his mouth.

Olivia who was about to ask her brother something instantly paled at what was about to go down her creator's throat. It looked like a decrepit old rotten finger with a large claw, so old that it was dark purple and clearly toxic. "That's a crusty finger not beef!" And the finger went down the boy's throat before anyone could move.

Olly quickly flew over to the couch as the kitchen table exploded into splinters. The cause being their salmon hair roommate whose arm was held up in a swipe manner, an arm covered in intricate black tattoos and had large violet claws. Both watched as two slits that emerged under Yuji's eyes alongside black tattoos opened to reveal smaller red eyes.

Or the fact their friend laughed in a deeper more manic voice reminiscent of a psychopath. "Ahahahaha! It feels good to be alive again! Wonder what massacres I can unleash upon this age! The women and children crawling around like lambs to the slaughter!" The possessed Yuji then rips off his shirt apart to reveal even more intricate tattoos going down his slightly more powerful looking body.

"Our big brother got possessed by a psycho devil stripper!!" Olly could only freeze upon his sister's cry as four blood red orbs had now spotted them. Not Yuji stared at the two origami people behind the large plush furniture. Surprise and confusion crossing his four eyed face before he let out a manic chuckle.

"Hahaha! It seems this body belongs to a Jujutsu Sorcerer who knew how to craft living origami. Quite an interesting Cursed Technique… I wonder what I can learn from tearing you apart!" Both siblings were ready to fly away when Not Yuji suddenly froze. A familiar hand symbol emerged on Olivia's chest as Not Yuji's hands morphed into long appendages made of folded origami.

The Thousand Fold Arms wrapping itself around the possessed teen like a straitjacket much to their anger. "What?!" He shouted only for a mouth to pop up on his right cheek and the right eye's iris turning brown in color.

"Good to know origami magic can counter possession to an extent. Alright asshole, who are you? You already pissed me off since you tried to hurt my family and now ruined my study session!" Yuji threatened from the sudden transmutation. Not Yuji growled at the threat in irritation realizing he couldn't move or even retreat into the teen's soul.

This boy had somehow purposely locked him out from both the inside and outside. "No matter what age, you Jujutsu Sorcerers are still a pain in the ass! I am Ryomen Sukuna, the King of Curses! Show some respect you damn brat!" Howled the possessor as he struggled to break the teen's powerful hold over this body.

"Jujutsu Sorcerers??? What the heck is even that? And Curses have a king??? Then again, your crusty finger ended up in Yuji's ramen so maybe you're a gag?" Sukuna decided that he was going to tear the yellow origami girl apart first for the blatant disrespect. If he got out of this boy's grip. Her questions however raised one of his own.

"You telling me that not only do you fools don't know about me but also Jujutsu Sorcerers? Are you a bunch of dumbasses or completely ignorant?!" The King of Curses would've said more if a large blade didn't pop appear by his neck.

This blade or to be precise, blades, belonged to an inhumanly large pair of cutting scissors that were the size of a van. His three crimson eyes burned holes at Olly's own whose paper left arm was enveloped in a wild green circle depicting the tool ready to chop off his head. The prince's face burned red with rage.

"You're lucky I care about Yuji or I would cut your head off for disrespecting my family. We don't know about you or these Jujutsu Sorcerers and frankly don't care. Get out of our older brother's body now so he can study for his exam." Olly threatened, his tone similar to a lion ready to cut down intruders targeting its pride.

"Well too bad! I can't leave your little master's body even if I wanted too! He only ate one of my 20 fingers and even if he did eat them all, the boy's body will become mine! Unless you can fully pull my soul out then I'm stuck with you brats." Sukuna's words dripping with foul venom.

The information painted a very bad picture for the makeshift family of three. A psychotic demon was trapped in the eldest body and soul split into 20 pieces. Even if they could find all the fingers, it didn't mean the King of Curses would leave Yuji's body willingly.

"Then let's find those fingers." Yuji's second mouth grabbed everyone's attention. "You might be stuck in my body but that doesn't mean I can get you out somehow or someway. At best, I can make a origami body that you can possess temporarily so you won't be cooped up in my soul. And once we find all the fingers, I can get you out of my body with the 1,000 Paper Cranes."

A look of realization passing over Olivia's face. "That's right! The 1,000 Paper Cranes ritual can grant a free wish if you can make all the cranes faster than you did the first time! We can use that wish to get Sukuna out of your body! Nice thinking Yuji!" The King of Curses' couldn't help the shellshock.

These three were willing to collect every piece of his soul and use some wish making technique to make him whole again? None of them had any idea what they were getting themselves into by him or those who still seek to destroy the demon. If he played his cards right, then he will finally live once more.

"Alright you cocky little shits. I can help you locate my fingers since they're a part of my soul. Don't think we'll be buddy buddy because once I get out of that brat's body, I will rip you to shreds! Hear me?!" The pair of scissors by the two faced being's neck shrunk back to normal size before hitting the floor.

"We'll fight back when that time comes. For now, you better behave yourself. Come Olivia, let's see what paper we can use for Sukuna's origami vessel." With that said, Olly dragged his sister out of the room. Yuji's arms returned to normal once the magic connection was cut then ripped Sukuna's control over his body.

The tattoos vanished and one of the slits closed except for the right he forced open which took its original red hue. "Why haven't you fully blocked me out yet? You clearly have enough control to fully suppress me. Are you pitying me, dumb brat?!" Yuji merely ignored Sukuna's threat to grab a piece of paper and a pencil.

"What do you want your origami body to look like? It'll have a form similar to Olly and Olivia but you can choose the customization. Even give it four arms if you have the normal amount of fingers per hand like a human does." Yuji questioned, the mouth on his cheek going silent for a moment.

A few seconds later Sukuna spoke up once Yuji finished the body's outline. "Give it four arms and four crimson eyes. The clothing should be a kimono but I want different color sleeves." The salmon haired teen smiled as he got to work on the concept with the demon's instructions.

Maybe things wouldn't be so bad despite having to search for 20 fingers of a literal demon that had entered his life.

And that's it. Today's story was mixed with the newest Paper Mario game: The Origami King. Without spoiling the game to those who wish to play, it's a very fun game but the ending is very bittersweet.

I also wanted to experiment a bit with Yuji as a kid. How different this Yuji could turn out than his canon incarnation since there is new factors to his life.

Olly and Olivia will be serving sibling roles to Itadori but also taught him how to use Origami based magic or Cursed Technique. I'm taking the Smash Brothers' approach to bypass the requirement of Cursed Energy since in Smash Bros, rules are changed to allow each fighter to be on equal terms.

The game mechanics such as 1,000-Fold Arms, enemies, bosses and different locations will be incorporated into Yuji's moveset. This Yuji is also smarter due to Olly and Olivia's presence, perfect motivation to learn.

Spoilers?: Sukuna is going to get attached to the three.

I hope you guys enjoy the story! Until next time folks! Oh and have this Origami Ryomen Sukuna design! Chou!

Edit: Fixed a few spelling mistakes and grammar. Apparently me misspelling Jujutsu is pretty common in early works with this franchise. 😅

[drariellevalentine]

Medically Inevitable

Chapter 5- Heartfelt Housewarming

Warnings:- Alcohol

Characters:- Arielle Valentine, Ethan Ramsey, Sienna Trinh, Landry Olsen, Elijah Greene, Jackie Varma, Aurora Emery, Ines Delarosa

Pairing:- Ethan Ramsey x Arielle Valentine

After a night of restless tossing and turning, you get up skipping your usual morning routine and head into the shower. Stripping yourself of your clothes, you step into the shower, hoping the hot water washes away yesterday’s events. You close your eyes and everything comes flooding into mind.

“Dr. Valentine, your post-op patient is in distress!”

“What happened? She was fine two minutes ago!”, you say.

“Fluid buildup in her lungs, she can’t breathe!”

“Heart rate’s above 160. It’s in atrial fibrillation!”

“BP’s crashing, she’s hypotensive!” Everything swirls around in confusion. You’re frozen in place, unsure of what to do.

“What do you want us to do?” Your mind is jumbled. You can’t focus.

“Dr. Valentine! What do you want us to do?!”

You’re wrenched out of your reverie as your bottle of body wash drops to the floor.

“Arielle? You okay?” Sienna asks.

“Yeah, just dropped something. Be out in a sec.”, you pull back the fogged glass door and grab your blush coloured towel, which matches your room’s aesthetic. You remember the day you went out shopping with your brother’s girlfriend who also happens to be one of the huge fashion icons and designers, to buy everything you needed for your apartment. After drying yourself off, you slip on a silk robe and leave your bathroom to see Sienna and Landry waiting for you.

“Hey.”, you say plopping down on the furry bench at the front of your queen sized bed.

Si comes and gives you a hug. “What happened yesterday isn’t your fault, okay.”

“I know. I just can’t stop thinking about what would have happened if the nurses hadn’t bailed me out yesterday.”

“You can always go over your cases. It helps to be prepared.”, advises Landry.

“Thanks Landry.” They exit your room as you head into your closet to get dressed. Deciding on a teal wrapped top, a navy blue pair of leggings, matching boots and accessories, you grab your mini backpack which you packed last night and head to the kitchen.

“Okay. I have 15 minutes.” You throw some strawberries, a banana, and vanilla almond milk into a blender and grab a straw. Pouring the smoothie into you regular glass, you pop a straw and grab a protein bar. You have breakfast as you scroll through your messages with 10 minutes to go. Washing out the cup and placing it in the dishwasher, you head out to your car, protein bar in hand. You play a few tunes as you drive all the way to Edenbrook, singing along.

You park your car and head towards the locker room to drop your belongings. Heading into the atrium, you notice a huge crowd of interns. Entering the atrium I find it full, some interns scattering around, while the others are pushing each other to get in front of the crowd where Dr. Ramsey is standing with a piece of paper on his hands.

"Gather around interns," Ines's cheerful voice rings through the atrium.

"Back! Back! Christ! You all are like a bunch of rabid dogs!" His angry voice announces.

Sienna, Landry and I go and join the crowd where Elijah and Jackie are already present. Tiptoeing I try to get a better look at the paper. But it's really hard to see it from here.

"Wow! It looks like everyone signed up for the competition," I state shocked seeing the huge list in front of me.

"Of course they did. It's an opportunity for a lifetime!" Landry says excited.

"Yeah exactly, only a complete jackass would think about passing it," Jackie smirks .

"Gee, thanks!" I roll my eyes playfully.

"How about this? Whoever ranks the lowest picks up the keg for tonight's party?" Elijah suggests.

"I like the way you think," Jackie says and then turns around to check the list.

"Great! Sienna already whipped up a few treats and she’ll be going shopping to pick up the rest of supplies while we decorate the house. I told everyone to come by 8," Elijah grins and Jackie turns around to look at him.

"What do you mean by everyone?" Landry questions.

"My question exactly," Jackie adds.

"You know the other interns," Elijah smiles.

"I have told a few residents about it too," Sienna says, "And also a few nurses." Sienna kinda blushes? You make a mental note to ask her later.

"Guys, our place is nice but not that big! We have to keep it small," Landry states.

"You have a point," I start to say and look over at Elijah whose expression turned into a sad one. "But it's about tonight only! And it's not like everyone we invite is gonna show up," I smile a Landry, "Chill out dude."

"Famous last words..." Landry says, his voice low.

"I can't believe I am about to throw an party at last!" Elijah chimes.

"Ooh! Are you talking about you homecoming party tonight?" Ines asks from behind him.

"You've heard about that?" I ask surprised.

"Everyone's heard about that," She smiles.

"Cool. So are you coming?" I return the smile.

"Yeah. And do you guys mind if I bring Zaid along?" She asks sweetly.

Dr. Mirani. In a party! That's beyond my imagination.

She must have seen the hesitation on our face so she starts to explain, " I know his sense of humor isn't everyone's cup of tea but he's loads of fun at a party. Trust me."

"Of course," I smile trying to remove any trace of the hesitation from my face ," The more the merrier."

"He has a sense of humor?" Jackie acts shocked after I Ines leaves and I nudge her playfully. And the rest of my roommates shoots looks at me.

"What? What'd you expect me to say?" I ask shrugging.

They all give me a fake angry look before looking forward where Dr. Ramsey just pinned our score sheet.The crowd of interns moves forward threatening to cush him.

“Now you can stop badgering me with quest about where you stand.”, Dr. Ramsey’s cold voice announces. “If you would like to challenge your rankings, fell free to swing by my office and I’ll immediately disqualify you. Good day.”, his nonchalant voice adds before walking away after pining the ranking sheet.

“Is it just me or is he more grumpier than usual?”, Sienna asks quietly so that only the five of us can hear.”

Jackie shrugs, “He’s probably annoyed cause he has to pick an intern.” The crowd of interns slowly disappear leaving the gang and a few other interns in the atrium. We look towards the board to check our rankings.

“Let’s see who’s number one.”, Landry says looking at the list.

“It’s Aurora, that little-", Jackie stops when she sees her but it’s too late.

“Please continue!”, she sneers.

“That little colleague whose aunt signs my checks.”, Jackie painfully finishes.

“Jackie...keep reading.”, Sienna nudges her.

“I’m fourth. Fine, I guess. Landry’s seventh, Elijah’s tenth.

“And Arielle you are- nineteenth," she says kinda surprised.

"Nineteenth? Looks like you are on the keg duty Valentine," Elijah says.

"It's okay. I just need to work harder," I say.

"Are you sure? I mean you are not me but you aren't that bad," she says playfully trying to lighten up the mood and at the same time establishing a point- I deserve more than the 19th ranking. "Are you sure Dr. Ramsey doesn't have it up for you?"

“No, I think it's what I deserve. I just need to work harder and it'd pay off," I force a smile.

You rush after Dr. Ramsey to update him about Shonda.

“Dr. Ramsey!”

“Yes?” He turns to look at you but he seems rather distant.

“I wanted to update you on my post-op patient from last night.”, you tentatively say.

“You mean the ones that the nurses had to intubate? I’ve already been informed.” You wince waiting for his berating...but it never comes. You’re surprised.

“Aren’t you going to berate me?”

“No. I have work to attend to and by the look on your face, I gather that you already feel bad.” He turns to leave.

“Wait!” He turns to look at you. “I wanted to invite you to a housewarming party my friends and I are hosting later tonight. It’ll be a nice breather from work.”

Ethan’s PoV:-

You’d never thought an intern would invite you to one of their parties. You’re about to agree when you remember that you have work to do. “I’ll have to decline.” Her face falls. “But I appreciate the invitation.” She turns to leave.

“Rookie. Wait.”, you find yourself saying. “What the hell are you doing, Ethan!”, you think. She turns to look at you.

“All my patients are stable. What do you need?”

“Radiology just received a new f.M.R.I machine a week ago but they haven’t tested it yet and I’m getting impatient.”, you reply.

“You want me to stick my brain so you see all my deepest secrets? Alright!” You laugh.

“Follow me.” You lead her to the equipment room. You’re about to tell her what she needs to do until you realise that she’ll need to take off her shirt. “Shit!”, you think. We’re doctors, surely this is normal! you try to convince yourself.

Arielle’s PoV:-

“You can keep your shirt here any make sure you take off all jewellery.” He gestures to your earrings, necklace and many rings. Then it hits you. “I’m going to be half-naked in front of my boss. Why did I agree to this?!” You turn around, facing the wall and take of your shirt, revealing your matching teal lace-up bra. Great day to wear a lace-up bra, thank god it doesn’t have any metal! You turn sideways and take off all your jewellery, shoes and ID. “Done. Now what?”, you turn to face him.

Ethan’s PoV:-

You gulp at the sight of her. You’ve never seen someone so pretty in just a simple pair of leggings. The sight of her long violet ombré tresses cascading down her shoulders- “Shut up Ramsey! She’s your intern!”, you think. “Have you taken off all metal?”, you gesture to her very lacey bra.

“My bra isn’t wired so I won’t have to take it off.” You’re thankful for that. You bring the syringe of gadolinium near her. “Sit here and lean back.”, you instruct her. Palpitating her veins, you inject the gadolinium, trying not to focus on the scent of vanilla and cinnamon from her. You dispose the syringe. “You help her onto the machine, instructing her not to move.”

“Why do they make these damn machines so high?”, you hear her mutter. You stifle a laugh.

You head into the adjacent room, turning on the machine. “Is my voice audible?”

“Yes. It’s loud and clear.”

“Okay. Can I start?” She agrees. “If these questions are too personal, tell me and I’ll ask something else.”

“You do realise that I’ve already told you a lot about my personal life, right?” You ignore that.

“What is your middle name?”

“Cerise.” (Cherry in French)

“Cherry?”, you ask. Your lips quirk up.

“My mother named me Cerise for two reasons. One, her main pregnancy cravings were cherries. Two, apparently my lips were the colour of cherries when I was born.”, she answers. You see her temporal lobe glow.

“Do you have any favourite childhood memories?”

Her hippocampus, neo-cortex and amygdala glow. “I do. When I was little, I would visit my godfather every Friday evening and stay there until he would drop me off at school Monday morning. I would enter the house and he would have all the ingredients lined up for some kind of dessert or pastry as long as it had chocolate. We would bake together, laugh and talk and I would tell him about all the stupid things that would happen in class.” You smile at the thought of a little Arielle baking.

“Okay. Tell me about one of the happiest days of your life.”

“Probably when my niece was born.”

“You have a niece?” You’re surprised. Her prefrontal cortex glows very brightly.

“Her name is Arabelle, Belle for short. It was an unplanned pregnancy and there were some ups and downs, but the moment she came it was absolutely beautiful. To become an aunt and hold your niece in your arms for the first time, it’s one of the most beautiful things in life. She turned 4 years old a few months ago... Is the machine working properly?”

“Yes, it works alright. That’s enough questions.” You power down the machine and go back to the equipment room, when you hear a thud. You rush into the room to find Arielle getting up from the floor.

“Ooh! Very hard floor!”, she rubs her arm.

“How did you manage to fall down from the machine?”, you ask while helping her up.

She shrugs, her lips widening into a grin. “There’s a reason why my brother calls me Calamity Cerise!” She pulls her shirt back on, along with her jewellery, ID, and shoes. She saunters over phone in hand and shows me a picture. “This is my niece Belle.” She pulls up a picture of an adorable 3 year old dressed in a powder blue fluffy gown. Beside her is Arielle, wearing a beautiful matching dress with a huge smile on her face.

They look absolutely adorable.

“She’s cute.”, you respond.

“She is, isn’t she! She wanted a photoshoot for her birthday. This was one of the pics.”

“Thank you… for the assistance, Dr. Valentine.” You turn to leave. You’re about to ask her when the party starts, but you stumble on your words and leave.

Arielle’s PoV:-

You’re just finishing your shift as you notice the time. Your shift ended early, so you decided to go with Sienna to help shop for the party. You text her and meet her at the parking lot.

“Hey Si, ready to go?”

“Yeah! I made a list of all the things we need to buy!” You take your car and drive towards Walmart.”

“Okay, so I’ll pick up the plates, cups, and other stuff. You pick up all these snacks.” We’ll meet at the dairy section in 20.” You head towards the snack aisle and pick up tortilla chips, crackers and a few other snacks that Si told you to buy. Hmm... we need drinks! You head towards the drink aisle where you find Bryce.

“Hey Bryce! What are you doing here?” He whirls around, his face breaking into a smile when he sees you.

“Elle! I thought I would buy a little something for the party.” You notice the bottles of tequila in his hand.

“Aww Thanks! Now, help me in getting those Sprite and Fanta bottles up there. I can’t reach.” He laughs and picks them up from the shelf with ease, placing them in the cart. You lead him to the dairy section, where you find Sienna waiting for you.

“What took you so lo-Hi Bryce!”

“I found Scalpel Jockey in the drinks aisle.”

“Okay, so I already made a bunch of desserts, we just need different cheeses and meat. I’ll head towards the deli and you two find some blocks of cheddar and gruyere.” She heads off.

“Okay, let’s go for cheddar, mozzarella, gruyere and pepper jack. I’ll get some vegan versions.” You slide over to the non-dairy section and pick up a few items and drop them into the cart. “All done, Bryce?”

“Yeah, found everything! I’ll stand in the billing aisle, you go bring Sienna.” You go to the deli section and bring Si over.

“Did we get everything Si?” She goes over the list. “Yeah, Jackie and Elijah said they’ll bring the beer and a few other drinks so we should have everything.” You finish billing and head to the parking lot. Bidding goodbye to Bryce, you head to the apartment to find the place fully decorated.

“We were wondering when you guys would show up. We decorated everything already!”, says Landry.

“Great! Elijah, you can help me whip up some dips while Landry and Jackie set up the rest of the food.”

“I’ll go pick up the keg stand and a little something special.” They give you a questioning look. “It’s a secret!”, you sing as you head out to your car. Picking up the keg stand and karaoke machine takes longer then you expected. By the time you come home again, the apartment is packed. Bryce comes and helps you with the very heavy stand.

“What’s in there?”, he asks pointing to the other box I had in my hand.

“I called in a favour and got us a karaoke machine. Give it to Elijah, he’ll hook it up.” You head to your room to get dressed. You pull out a fitted black crop top with a sparkly violet miniskirt. Brushing on a little lipgloss, you decide to focus on your eyes and add a little eyeshadow to your usual makeup. Lastly, you take your your hair from the Dutch braid you purposely did this morning, your hair falls in thick curls. Spraying on a little hairspray, you quickly take a pic and post it with the caption ‘Housewarming party ready!🥳’

By the time you come out of your room, the keg stand is completely set up.

“Arielle! You’re going first!”, Elijah yells.

“Hell No! Scalpel Jockey can go first.”

Bryce saunters over and starts while Elijah sets the timer. “1..2..3...........25...28”- Bryce flips over, as the people cheer.

“I’m feeling a little woozy.”, he sits down. You step up, putting you hair up in a loose bun.

“Ready Arielle, 1..2..3..Go!” You flip over, planting your hands on the ground and kick you feet up in the air as you guzzle down beer. “1..2..3..4.................30..”, You’re getting really lightheaded. “43..44..45”, You flip back to the ground and sway like a pendulum until one of the surgical interns steady you.

“Damn Arielle! 45 seconds! Anyone want to top that?”, Elijah shouts.People line up after you’re lead by Ines to sit down. She gives you a glass of ice cold water as you turn to see Zaid at the keg stand. You nearly spit out the water in your mouth at the sight. He surprisingly managed for 20 seconds. He takes a seat beside you as the surgical intern who steadied you goes next.

“I don’t know why you youngsters do this to yourselves!”, Zaid grumbles.

“Me either!”, you answer as your stomach rumbles. You forgot to eat lunch.

You head over to the snacks area where you have a few of Si’s mini treats.

“Yo Arielle!” You turn around to see Elijah yelling from standing on a ‘stage’. You head over and see the karaoke machine fixed up.

“How in the world did you manage to get a karaoke machine at this caliber?” You smile.

“I have friends in high places. Now who’s going first?” Bryce and a few surgical interns hold a riff-raff as you and a few others cheer them on. Bryce wins, that guy has got pipes. Now comes duet rounds. Jackie saunters over, partly drunk.

“So this was the surprise you were talking about.” You nod. She suddenly drags you to her the stage. You see Elijah manning the controls.

“Now for the one and only, Jackie and Arielle! What song will it be?”

“None Of My Business” You laugh, she still manages to choose a sassy song when drunk. “You ready Arielle?” They’ve never heard you sing, so they’re in for quite a surprise. You turn to the screen, blue for Jackie, pink for me and purple for both of us... sounds good.

She starts, her voice bold and sassy, a little bit of her accent shows through.

“Damn, I heard you and her been having problems”

“She likes to fight, I guess you both have that in common”

“Go Jackie!”, Si yells.

“Started at the top but now you at the bottom”

“But baby, this is none of my business”

“You think you can top that Arielle?”, Jackie asks with a smirk. You don’t know if it’s the alcohol coursing through your veins from the keg stand or the sugar rush from Si’s treats, but you know one thing for sure, you’re going to give them a show. You keep your voice sultry and sassy.

“You moved on, that a wrong, been a while, baby”

Jackie’s shocked. “Damn Arielle, where you been hiding those pipes!”, Bryce yells. You smirk and flip your hair.

“So did I (so did I, so did I)”

“Took her home to your home”

“But trust me that ain’t on my mind (on my mind, on my mind)”

You start slowly moving your upper body to the beat, flipping your hair for extra flair.

“I-I-I-I-I, I-I-I-I-I”

You and Jackie both belt out, her taking a lower range while you hit that high. Elijah and Bryce whistle.

“I saw on my feed”

“She looks a little like me”

“I-I-I-I-I, I-I-I-I-I”

“I can’t help but see”

“It’s not jealousy, no”

You both finish off the song receiving a huge applause once finished. You saunter over to Jackie, ��Is that up to your standards, Miss Varma.” She smirks and heads off.

You decide to get a drink and enjoy the rest of the duets. A while later, someone taps your shoulder. You turn around to see Bryce. “Elle, you have to sing with me. I may have bet a 100 dollar bottle of whiskey to Mark and Rosa that i would sing much better than them but I can’t find a partner.

“Fine. What song?

“Trampoline.” You give him a look. “Please?” You let him drag you towards the stage for the second time.

“Looks like you found a partner Lahela.”

Elijah announces the rules in the mic to the huge crowd, “Listen up! Bryce and Arielle will sing the same verses as will Mark and Rosa. It’s up to you guys to decide which pair is better!”

You know you’ve had one too many drinks, and Bryce had to choose one of the sultry songs. You turn towards the screen. Pink for the girls, blue for the boys and purple for all. You and Bryce are up first.

You start singing in a breathy but sultry tone.

“I’ve been having dreams”

“Jumpin’ on a trampoline”

He matches your tone, going just a bit deeper.

“Flippin’ in the air”

“I never land, just float there”

“As I’m lookin’ up”

“As I’m lookin’ up”

“Suddenly the sky erupts”

You both sing together, his voice hitting those deep notes while you hit those whistles.

“Flames alight the trees”

“Spread to fallin’ leaves”

“Now they’re right upon me”

The alcohol in you takes over, you start swaying your hips to the sultry beat gaining the attention of the crowd. The surgical interns whistle.

“Wait, if I’m on fire”

“Then how am I so deep in love”

“When I dream of dying”

“I never feel so loved”

You and Bryce reach the peak of the song, him singing that low bass as you match his tone at a higher pitch, leaving the crowd in awe. Bryce sings the next few lines, leaving you to sing the beautiful breathy chorus.

You both finish after alternating lines and earn whistles and applause from the crowd. Bryce saunters up to Rosa and Mark, “Think you can top that?” Mark forks over a hundred dollar bill and walks away.

“I believe that you owe me a thank you.” He sweeps you up into a hug.

“Thank you so much Elle. Come over some time, I’m sharing this with you.” He heads off. You sing a few songs with Sienna, Ines, Jackie and Elijah until you find yourself winded.

You’re heading out to catch a breather when you notice the crowds of people laughing and drinking. You see Si standing alone and head over. “Hey Si, where’s Wayne?”

“Oh! He had to go home. He has work tomorrow morning.” You frown.

“Si.” You give her a pointed look.

“I know, he was really rude. But I promise he isn’t always like that!”, she says.

“Okay Si, I believe you. But if you need someone to talk to, I’m here okay?” She nods and heads inside as Elijah wheels past.

“Hey Elijah, don’t you think the party’s getting a bit out of hand?”

“Sienna cleared it with Farley until midnight.” You look at him.

“Which is in 10 minutes.” He’s about to respond when a girl about your age walks near.

“Could I squeeze through?”

“Yeah, of course.”, you respond.

“Are you guests of this rager or...” You smile. “It’s ours. I’m Arielle and this is Elijah.”

“Hey...”, you can see him blush. He totally likes her.

“I’m Phoebe, I live right down the haul.” You can’t stand to witness anymore of this cuteness and decide to play Cupid.

“Hey Elijah, why don’t you show Phoebe around and let her play a game or two.” You turn to Phoebe. “He’s really good at beer bong.” They nod and head inside as you smile. Suddenly Landry rushes towards you, followed by Jackie.

“Someone just ratted us out! I saw Farley entering the building!”, Jackie says.

“What are we going to do? We can’t possibly get this in control by the time he gets here!”, Landry says.

Shonda’s advice comes back to you. “Okay! Here’s what we’re going to do. Landry, break out the board games and sit everyone down. Jackie, tell everyone to go inside and quiet down. I’ll placate everyone with leftover treats. Go! Between the three of you, with some help from Sienna, Elijah and Phoebe, you manage to get everyone under control. You rush towards your room and slip on a robe just as the doorbell rings. You open it and act nonchalantly as your roommates shush everyone. “Hey Farley, is everything alright?”

“Miss Raines, I received a complaint about your party extending the duration of time and the level of noise.”

“What? Everyone already left and I was getting ready for bed.” You ‘yawn’.

“My apologies Miss Raines, carry on.” He turns around and leaves. “Mission Accomplished! Now, everyone stay quiet please.”, you say as everyone cheers quietly. The party slowly dwindles down until your roommates and Bryce are the only ones left.

“You don’t have to help clean up, Bryce.”

“It’s alright Elle. Also, how come you never told me you could sing? I actually thought that you were lip syncing.” You laugh.

“I learned to play the piano at a very young age. Singing just came naturally. It was one of my mother’s favourite hobbies.”

He smiles. “I think that’s the last of the trash. Goodnight Elle.” He kisses me on the cheek and leaves. I smile thinking I might have just found another brother.

After locking the doors, you head back into your room to sleep. You slip off your clothes and drop them in the hamper. You put on a silky white pajama set and enter you bathroom. You wash your face with a face wash and pat it dry. Skincare has always been something that is very important to you, especially when Naveen has taught you so many tips and tricks from his Indian heritage. You start with your usual eye cream to get rid your dark circles, eyelash serum and lastly a night moisturiser.Then you lightly braid your hair and flop into bed, tucking yourself deep under the fluffy blush coloured blanket.

You wake up to ‘Dancing With Your Ghost’ by Sasha Sloan. You slip on a matching robe and head out to the kitchen for your tea.

“Good Morning Ari!” You notice Elijah at the dining table and greet him back. “Look who was up all night.” He points to the sofa. You walk over and notice Danny sleeping, Sienna lying on him peacefully. You take your phone and take a photo without them noticing.

You tiptoe back towards Elijah and show him the picture. He smiles. “Honestly, Danny would be a much better match for Si, Wayne wasn’t like anything Si described.”, you say.

“Ari, that’s enough playing Cupid. You’re going to be late if you don’t get ready.” You notice the time, no tea for me today! You head towards your room to get ready.

Later that day, you’re walking in the pristine white halls of Edenbrook when you get a page. 911 for Mrs. Turner! You run to the stairs.

I charge into the room to find her in respiratory distress, the nurses running around to help her.

"She's crashing again?" I ask the nurses, shock and fear clearly noticable in my voice.

"Yeah, just like last time," Marlene answers.

"Body temperature is skyrocketing. She's in AFib, her B.P. is crashing and she's got a pulmonary edema," Danny informs me her condition but barely a word enters my brain.

My mind's got blank the second I saw her lying unconscious in the hospital bed.

Get a hold on yourself Arielle! She's your patient, you need to help her. She'd die under your watch if you don't act quickly!

"What do you want to do doctor?" Sarah asks.

"I-I-" I try to say something but my brain gives up. I can hardly form a coherent sentence.

"I want to... breathe," I say, panic rising with each passing second.

"What?" The nurses stares at me shocked. But despite that I take a moment to myself and breathe.

I close my eyes.

I can do it. I have to do it. I just think.

I just have to guide the nurses. Calm down Arielle. You've got it.

I count upto three, to calm down and subside my tension.

"Here's what we need to do.”, I open my eyes.

"Sarah prep the I.V. We have to get fluids in her. Marlene get the ice packs and cooling blankets. Cool her down so that she doesn't get heat stroke."

"Right away Dr. Valentine," Sarah moves to get an IV stand.

I turn to Danny then. "And Danny get the defibrillator. Then we intubate."

"On it doctor," he says and rushes to get the equipment. After dealing with the patient, you head towards the ER. Later, when you’re heading for your lunch break, you come across Dr. Ramsey.

“Rookie. I heard you kept Mrs. Turner alive.”, he acknowledges.

“I did.”, a small beam of pride hits you. He turns and walks away when one of his files fall down. You reach down and can’t but help notice the quizzical patient name, ‘Patient X’ as you pick up the chart. He quickly turns around and quite rashly pulls the CT scan from you.

“Thank you.”, he hurries down the hallway. You wonder who it could be, and why he is so secretive.

[thewolfisapartofmysoul]

Spoiler alert dearies...

Sad and bullied reader x Dewey Finn fic...

Trigger warnings: weight insecurity, being bullied, scolding, sadness, dark times?

But fluff and comfort promised by our favorite rock-star.

Hope its okay....

Alone together.

"Hey Brandon!! Have you seen 'miss piggy' in her dress yet?! Its hillarious!"

You rushed off towards the first quiet corner you could find. Tears stinging in your eyes. You just had to keep walking. Walk. Walk. Walk. Away. As far as your legs could carry you. Leave the echoing voices on that party. Fast. Breath. Faster pace.

"Hey... look that piggy run, guys!! Whahaha! Where's your tail!!! Hahaha!"

You practically ran away from the laughter behind you and you heared the teasing voices follow you as you stumbled over your own feet. The tears in your eyes blurred your vision and you took a few deep breaths to not cry... not yet. Just keep walking...

They were still watching you. Calling you out. You weren't gonna give them that much credit to let them see your tears too. Words dont hurt. Words dont hurt. Words dont hurt.

You heared a wholf-whistle combined with harsh laughter and slugged words in the distance.

You turned the corner and whipped your head around in fear they were following you. Luckely they were not. Their egos were too big for that. You slumped your head down and your feet suddenly felt heavier then ever. You couldnt hold back the tears anymore.... it was dark. You were alone. Which ment you could cry your heart out, whitout anyone judging you doing so.

You sobbed desperately, feeling sad, unworthy... the voices echoed in your brain as the tears ran freely. Your mother always told you: "You're no size two honey... but people will look past that." Newsflash mom. They don't. They can't. And they won't. You've been struggling with your weight for a long time. Going on runs, your meals were smaller and you didn't do snacks. You even skipped the wodka at the party with your co-workers, liquor never was your thing. But certainly didn't help the pounds too. Unfortunately... drunk minds spoke what sober ones were afraid to say. And your co-workers had been far from sober.

You always knew you were a bit of an outcast. Didn't really fit in at your current job, but not hating it either.

That was untill 4 minutes ago.

On top of it all it started to get cold outside... and you left your jacket when you rushed out of that hell-hole.

The emotions of today started to overwhelm you and you had the urge to sit were your eyes were looking at while crying. The cold street.

I dont deserve any better.... your fogged mind told you.

You sat down on the street and pathetically sobbed into your hands. You just... couldn't take it anymore.

So sick and tired of being alone.

....

Dewey Finn was heading home after a gig. His bandmates loaded the gear into the van and he told them, he was walking home tonight.

Since it was a gig and Dewey had to teach the next morning he skipped the booze. He tried once... but teaching and hangovers were a no go together.

The crisp air blew through his hair and he shivered. It was a cold, windy night tonight. The dark sky full of stars and he could see the moon playing hide and seek behind the clouds.

Walking home always helped Dewey unwind and declutter his mind after a gig. Grounding him a bit after the blissfull chaos of his guitar.

The ears of the musician picked up on a very faint sound on his left. It sounded muffled, high, emotional.... and.... desperate.

Dewey squinted his eyes in the dark and he saw a girl sitting hunched up on the sidewalk. She held her hands before here face and curled up in a ball of dispear. Her sobs and cries muffled. The sound alone made him sad already. It sounded heavy. Pitch black. And desperately alone.

His heart ached for her. It hurted at the sadness of this random stranger.

He frowned and looked around. No one to be seen.

What kind of a shitty dude would i be to walk past this sad soul, so late at night?

Deweys mind didn't knew it yet... but his heart did.

Like the magic of music pulled onto his heart when he strummed his guitar...

His pure, bright heart pulled him towards you as well....

....

You felt pathetic for crying. Ashamed even when there was no-one around to judge you.

You couldnt even let yourself sob freely. Holding back.

You had been holding back since forever. Holding back your true self since... as long as you could remember. You just... wanted to make people happy. To please everyone around you. You came last on that list.

You muffled your crying with your hands. You didn't deserve to cry. You didn't deserve to freely feel. You didn't deserve to connect. With your co-workers... nor anyone.

"I.... am... a pathetic... pig..."

You heared a kind deep voice beside you say in a calming tone: "Hey... youknow... i... happen to like bacon very much."

Your face turned red as a strawberry when your head shot up in absolute shock.

You glanced to your right and met eyes with the stranger that owned the soothing voice. Feeling like you could die of embarrassment on the spot.

Gosh... and of course this fellow had to be ridiculously kind and good looking. He went to sit down next to you.

"Are... you... trying to make me feel better? With a bad pun?" You stuttered between sobs, as your eyes were glued to the tiles again.

The handsome dude with the pretty brown eyes continued: "Well... i dont know... may be the case... is it working gorgeous?"

You flinched at the compliment. Expecting a rude comment to follow up his petname....

You dared to look into his understanding eyes and gentle smile.

... the rude comment you expected to follow didn't came.

There were only his messy locks, attractive scruff and sweet, calming brown eyes. Patiently waiting for your awnser.

.....

Gosh... was she beautifull.... even with her smudges of mascara and puffy red eyes from crying....

Dewey thought to himself when he asked you if his antics were working.

His heart bleeded for you when he saw you flinch at his petname and soft voice.

What the f*ck did people told you, to make you react the way that you did? Those douchebags need a high five... in the face... with a guitar amp... Making such a honest, genuine, bright creature like you cry.

Deweys heart weighed a bit less heavy then before, when he saw your eyes flicker up from the tiles to meet his.

Before he could help himself he flashed you a genuine smile and reached out to touch your knee, brushing his thumb over it in a hopefully soothing manner.

His heart literally skipped a beat when he saw you smile a tiny smile at the hand on your knee.

Gosh... how could anyone hurt this absolute angel?

Her beautiful smile warmed his heart. How did anyone want her to hold that gorgeous smile back?

....

You smiled a bit through your tears when you felt calloused fingers brush on your knee. A sniffle broke the sound of your sobs and the gesture stilled your tears.

"It... erhm... It does... a little... Thankyou..."

Your red eyes found his again and his kind brown eyes told you silently: 'continue'...

"But... uhm... I... don't wanna bother you..."

As soon as you mumbled those words your head flopped down again. Not wanting to annoy this random stranger with your sad presence.

You felt his hand squeeze your knee softly and he spoke: "You're not bothering me... at all... but you're gonna freeze your pretty ass and catch a cold... can't have that."

Your hesitant eyes found his and he swiftly took of his coat to lay it over your cold shoulders.

A single tear escaped your eyes again and you smiled through it. This time it was a happy tear. You muttered a "thanx..." and went to brush it away but he beat you to it.

"Dewey!" He exclaimed after he brushed your tear away, with a smile on his face and extended his hand for you to shake. ".... Dewey Finn is the name. But you can call me anything...."

You chuckled a bit when you shook his hand and Dewey would give anything to hear you laugh again.

You wiped your hand across your nose and sniffled. You glanced into Dewey's eyes again and muttered: "... Hey Dewey... erhm... thankyou..."

Dewey reached out to touch your knee again and brushed his thumb up and down again. A small smile crept up his face when he told you: "...This would be a good time to share your name with me if you'd like that, youknow?"

You laughed a bit and looked at him when you spoke: "...oh... yes!... my name is... Y/n...."

Dewey threw his arm around your shoulder when he pulled you closer. His soft voice found your ears when he said: "Nice to meet you, gorgeous... now... Would you fancy it if i walked you home? You can tell me what happened if you'd like that?"

You smiled at Dewey.

Your gut told you you could trust those kind brown eyes and you nodded your head yes.

Dewey whooped in excitement and jumped off from the sidewalk. He held his hands out for you to take. You couldn't deny those excited puppy-eyes and put your hands in his.

With one swift tug he pulled you on your feet.

...

And made you stumble flush against Dewey....

Luckely you both blushed equally when Deweys stong arms caught you before tumbling down on the street.

The laughter of you both filled the night.

When you walked away with Dewey beside you, you glanced behind at where you were sitting a few seconds ago. Feeling like you left the sadness on the sidewalk, and took the brightness of Dewey Finn with you.

@ironmansuucks @paxenera @heknowshisherbs @hoodoo12 @large-unit @little-miss-shy-goth @thats-specific @vicunaburger @go-commander-kim @stranger-strings @gegehaddock @bugdrinkss

[simplyclockwork]

Hi! I've got a writing ask, here it goes! I've had the same story in my head for about four years, and I just can't get it to paper... I keep changing things and now I've got at least 7 different Google docs, each with two pages of writing at most... Any advice on how to organise my thoughts and write more than two pages, and maybe eventually finish a first draft? Currently, everything is a chaotic mess 😬

@nature-played-a-trick-on-me

Hello! I feel this in my bones because I have a post-apocalyptic WIP that I’ve been working on for like 9 years that just won’t go. So, I do have some advice, but maybe take it with a grain of salt because I STILL haven’t made that story work.

My first suggestion is around organization. I find it so much easier when I can have all my thoughts in one spot. I use an app called Milanote – it’s available online, as a phone app (at least on IOS, not sure about Android, but seems likely), and, if you have a Mac, it’s definitely available for Mac desktop. It’s meant to organize work projects, but it works great for compiling writing stuff. You can add photos, links, notes, so much, and all in one place. There is a paid version, but the free version has been more than enough, with tons of space. 

As for getting a first draft out, I have a few things I try. First, remember that your first draft does not have to be good. I’m a perfectionist, and I know that’s such a hard pill to swallow, but it’s true. Just get the words down, even if they sound wrong. You can always change it. That’s the most important thing. If you’re writing at all, you’re golden, even if it feels like pulling teeth.

When I’m trying to write something, and it just won’t come out, I do one of three things (or all three, depends how bad the block is!). 

First, I just write. I write anything. Even if it’s pointless notes. I saw a writing tip on tumblr once (can’t remember who, so I can’t credit, but it’s not mine), where it advocated writing things like this (this is an actual example of what I’ve done, for my recent unilock fic):

“Unilock - Sherlock and John snippets. Halloween party super wasted, johns girlfriend leaves? Sherlock super drunk waiting in line or something, sees John is drunk and tired. It’s in Sherlock’s flat/dorm so he drags John back to his room, shoves him into bed, tells him to sleep. He passed out beside.

John wakes up with a big hard on, rolls over, finds Sherlock, they start making out in the dark, johns eyes closed doesn’t really realize who it is until he’s like 

It was Sherlock. He was kissing Sherlock. And Sherlock was kissing back.

Rolls them over and straddles Sherlock and starts kissing down his neck. Sherlock is writhing and moaning and then the fog of johns head clears and he’s like, leans down, puts his mouth just above Sherlock’s”

I wrote that on my phone at like 2am, when the idea popped into my head. If I’m stuck but I know what the idea is, roughly, I’ll do this until it starts to flow. The neat thing here is, while you’re writing those messy note things, it usually turns into writing, because the scene starts to make sense and form in your head. It’s very cool.

Second, if I really can’t make the story come, I give it space. Work on something else. Let it fester and grow in the back of my head, and, when ideas inevitably come, I jot them down with my other notes (usually on that milanote app), so I can collect it, or in a word document. Even if you’re not actively writing, you’re still working on the story, and taking some distance and letting your brain work it over can be so helpful to figure out where you want it to go, how you want it to sound. Don’t force it if it really won’t come. I recommend carrying a notebook or something you can jot your ideas in when they happen – I use the notes app on my phone, because it’s seamlessly synced with my laptop. 

Lastly, something I’ve done is if I can’t find the beginning, I will write a scene or something I KNOW will happen – or very close to happening. Sometimes that’s enough to pull me back into the story, and get the gears moving. The beginning is just that, the beginning, and it’s not the entirety of the story. If you can’t write the start, that’s fine, write what you can. Write what made you excited for the story in the first place. Write a scene with the characters, even if you know it will never happen in the actual story. Anything to get you back into the world you’re creating.

Also, and I’m not sure if what you’re writing is fan fiction or original fiction, but read what inspired it. Read similar works. When I write certain genres of fan fiction, I read stories based around the same trope or plot. If I want to write angst, I read angst, if I want to write fluff, I read fluff. If I want to write horror original fiction, I read Stephen King and Birdbox, and if I want to write Sci-Fi, I read Anne McCaffery and I read The Martian. Surround yourself with what you want to write, and it will trigger inspiration. 

And, when you feel like writing, just write. Remember, you will always be your own worst critic, and write what makes you feel good. 

I hope this is helpful! If you ever wanna talk writing, or talk WIPS, or hash out ideas, let me know! My inbox is always open and I love talking about writing, or anything!