#and I didnt know that part of the reason why my mum was feeling down

[clarabowmp3]

ok I’m convinced there’s some kind of bad luck streak running thru my family

[nerdie-faerie]

Having a complicated relationship with your mum is so confusing. It's the knowledge that she taught me the best way to make gravy, how tie my shoes and how to make my bed. But she's also the one that made disparaging comments about my body growing up and is part of the reason I don't want to be a parent myself and why I moved across the country for uni. But she's still my mum and I still find myself wishing I could seek comfort from her when things get a little too hard but the mum I'm longing for doesn't really exist. And I see her in the colour of my eyes and in the way I grit my teeth when I'm angry. She taught me how to do my hair and how to cover up bruises. She's a part of me in all the good and the bad. And there's no way to say you hate someone that doesn't also acknowledge all the good because nothings as ever as black and white as that

[justinefrischmanngf]

i made such a fucking stupid mistake when talking to my parents at dinner i literally want to die

[altschmerzes]

hey saw ur comment on the man city fix it fic ab Jamie’s fathers death & was wondering what u disliked ab the Jamie’s mum and Simon part? not judging or anything im just curious!!

yeaaaaaaah so! from what ive seen at least this is a not particularly common opinion which is fine, im aware i have some particular biases and priorities and whatnot in this area, but it just… i didnt like that stuff at all. it really put me off actually, for a couple reasons. i'll get into why, but i know a lot of people like Really Loved that stuff and especially his mom - and it also gets a little down on season 3 and the writing team as a whole at some points lmao - so i'll put it under a cut.

(this got. very long. im so sorry.)

it basically boils down to a couple things: 1. what they presented us with doesn't hold water if poked literally at all in any direction, 2. it made me feel a little uncomfortable given the way everything else in jamie's arc played out, and 3. if they were going to do something like this, they needed WAY more time and narrative space to execute it well in general and specifically for ME to execute it in a way that didn't leave a bad taste in my mouth.

there are a few things that i generally dread when you have a character who's presented to have some serious trauma related to their family and specifically to an abusive parent, and one of those things is the sudden inclusion of another parent in there who is just. everything is totally fine and normal and happy and not at all complicated with them! it always makes me feel weird and bad when that happens, especially when there is no explanation provided for how that like. fits in with the abuse we know they experienced as well. that is a matter of personal preference, and i can own that. i just don't like it, and it makes me feel weird and uneasy. and that's part of it here, but what's also part of it is that i think that - my personal feelings about this type of character choice overall aside - they did not execute it well given the story they'd already presented us with, the way they used these new characters, and how much time they spent on it.

the image they presented of jamie's mom and stepdad is like… very simple and positive and shiny and uncomplicated. it's just good. they just love and support him and are a positive and affectionate active presence. and that might seem like an unfair characterization of it because we saw very little and we know very little of what their relationship is actually like - we don't know what might be complicated, what might be messy, how often they talk, etc - but that’s honestly part of my issue here. we were given a sliver of a glimpse into jamie's mom and his relationship with her and his stepdad when jamie as a character is someone who is hugely defined by his family history and the baggage and trauma and danger associated with it. if they were going to do this, they needed to spend way more time on it. they needed to introduce her earlier, do something to make it jive with what we were already presented about her: some vague mentions, half of which were in past tense, and all of which seemed to imply very strongly that if she were alive (which there was a lot of confusion about!) then they were likely to some degree estranged, because it seemed pretty clear with the 'i don't know if she would be [proud] lately' bit that he literally did not know what she thought of him in recent years. and like. it seems like i'm nitpicking, but again, this is a character who has been so strongly based in and defined by his family and the like. past and current danger and trauma associated with it.

especially given how little time or attention was given to everything else with his family, it was just way too late in the game to introduce these characters and be able to do them and their relationship with the existing characters justice. like you’ve already got a complicated story you’re skipping most of and not giving its due do you really need to add more really complicated stuff in there. and then just go actually it's not complicated don't worry about it :) like. that just doesn't work for me.

so that's where i'm at like, not only do i inherently dislike this sort of element introduced with this type of character, which is a me problem, i also think the story they presented in that episode with his mom and simon just flat out didn't make sense and they did not have the time to make it make sense even if they'd tried, which they didn't. like... if things are just fine and normal and easy with them and she’s just great and loving and supportive it’s like i. So What Happened, Then.

it makes his entire arc make less sense. if she's just Been Here what happened? why did he need to be reminded that not EVERYONE in his life was out to get him? why did keeley have to tell him to stop battling everyone that was just trying to help him? why is he so isolated and adrift at the beginning of season two? why did she never attend a single match? why did we never see him text or call or mention her in a contemporary way? like there COULD be answers to those things that make sense with what they presented, but we didn't get any of those answers and those are big questions to me given they comprise like... all of jamie's character arc lmao. at the end of the day, throwing in the stuff with his mom feels... really disrespectful to the story they wrote with him (that they already fell down on the job with) to just throw that in there with no consideration or attention paid to how it fits with or impacts anything already established.

i truly don't think that every question needs to be answered in a story. i am not saying that. i'm not saying someone needed to turn to the audience and go here's the logistic details of exactly how and when everything that happened with jamie and his parents happened. but there are some serious issues with like, telling a coherent story, and utilizing the extremely limited narrative space that a secondary character in an ensemble show can be afforded. (especially when in season three it really felt like they were already racing through characters and plot lines and backstory stuff like the goal was to just drop info just to Have It and then never address or do anything with it at all.) why did they do that, is what i keep going back to. you're telling a story with very limited space and a lot of characters. so what was the reason for that stuff to be there? so that someone could lay the 'yea he was a dick but he made you into this person! you're so strong now!' foundation for ted telling jamie to forgive his dad and 'disappointed teacher face' him into saying 'thank you' after the 'fuck you'? or was it just fanservice that you didn't think needed to fit with the rest of the story narratively or thematically? because that's where i keep going back to as well.

it just... and this is the bitchier, more spiteful part of me saying this, the part that was PROFOUNDLY let down by the way they handled the aspects of jamie's arc to do with his family and with the abuse he suffered, but it feels like an attempt to use happy sparkly fanservice-y funny and feel-good scenes with his adorable mom and sweet stepdad to like. pull way back on the rest of his whole situation with his family like see no he’s fine! isn’t it great how funny and adorable his mom is! isnt his stepdad fun! everything is fine actually things with his dad are just ~complicated because james drinks :) (and then all he needs to do about that is grow up and forgive, he's just a melodramatic mama's boy, the pain is his fault and he'll be fine once he Forgives, and rehab fixes everything). i don't have some kind of conspiracy that this was their actual reasoning but that's how it hit to me - whoops we don't actually want to deal with the abuse so we're gonna sweep it way under the couch and look! see! here's his cute fun mom isn't she great! (He's Fine Don't Worry About It, His Family Is Actually Sooooo Supportive!)

but yeah that's the bitchy and unfair part of me so. that's not really my main point.

(i also gotta say everything about that sequence with jamie and company at his mom's house feels like... tissue paper thin and very fucking weird from both a narrative and a logistical point of view. the stuff with the actual people of his mom and stepdad aside, what the hell was up with his room? what was that poster of keeley doing there. when did that go up. how old was he when he put it there. yeah she's older than him by a fair bit but not THAT much older. and if he was putting it up as like, a teenager or something, why is the rest of that room decorated for a seven year old. parents preserve their kids rooms like shrines this is true but the idea of a like, jamie in his mid/late teens or whatever putting that poster of keeley up but also sleeping in a little kid's bed still is like... did you think about this at all. it really does not seem like you did. At All. it just goes to my spiteful fringe theory about that whole sequence which is “oh this is pure 100% gratuitous backpatting fanservice that nobody actually thought about in any real way whatsoever”)

sorry this got so long but i have a lot of thoughts on this and they get kicked up every time i see posts gushing about how much people loved georgie or those scenes or whatnot like everyone is of course entitled to their opinion and i don't hold it against anyone! but that stuff hit way different for me and just added insult to injury in an episode that generally seemed to handle jamie and his situation in a way i found cringeworthy and weird at best and offensive and victim blaming at worst.

[samooooo1]

based on my digimon master online game, how would be like a 24 year old fem! tamer who found in her doorstep a cardboard box with 4 digieggs (wizardmon, terriermon, (fem!) lopmon (she is terriermon's younger twin sister) and meicoomon) and when they hatch as lil keemon, zerimon, kokomon, and a fluffier looking snow botamon with faint light markings (that sign that she is a meicoomon when she grows and evolve to her actual form);

and the lil keemon is the one who loves y/n a lot compared to the other 3 who like her too; with a timeskip of 2 years later with him now as a wiz giving her a flower before confessing his feelings for her and gladly she accepts his feelings.

(Credit to the artist (Artist is mentioned down there on the right side))

(Sorry but I cant picture myself this scenario, as you would have been like a mother figure to them which is why I will do platonic version but no more or less, sorry since it probably would be heading a entirely diffrent way then you wanted but such scenarios are also platonic in my eyes.)

B/f x reader

Growing closer

_____________________

It was a cold nice day, finally after 8 painfully long hours of working, since you gotta make a living somehow, you took office job and after it was finally over and since it was over, first thing you done was to watch TV, there way to many TV Series that have to be finished by you and to little time to sadly do it. After watching a couple series for some hours, you heard a sound from the door you went there, thinking what or who would do such thing this late at the day.

You have gone to your door and opended it and found.. a cardboard with some eggs in it? You were weirded out having never seen such eggs.. and big at that to, you first thought these were Ostrich eggs.. so you tried to cook them but they were to hard and couldnt break which frustrated you.

Sooo, like any person with the average IQ of -5, you used Google to try and find out what these eggs were or better say from which animal or organism they came. To your suprise, they werent any ordinary eggs.. these eggs were called Digieggs and after some throughout research you found out what will come out of these eggs, some Digimons named Botamon, Kokomon, Zerimon and Keemon, they were fictional characters from your childhood Show 20 years ago, you used to watch it so much but sadly have forgotten most of these times.

So you made sure to take them with you everywhere, as to make sure that when they hatch you can see it in a instant. After some further hours of waiting they hatched ! You saw and felt like a Mum VvV, seeing their kids being born, you were very happy :D

Now the funny part.. you dont know what they eat, nor what they can eat or not, they arent any organic organism but you decided milk and some meat should be ok for now.

You searched up their names and what they could "evolve" into, or as people would say "digievolve" into. Now you got a Keemon, small and friendly but sometimes somehow angry, how? I dont know, a Botamon, a chaotic little energy ball, a Kokomon very cute choco looking like digimon and lastly Zerimon, weird but also cute.

Now there was another small problem, you never had to take care of any kids, much less since you were a only child and pretty much got always what you wanted, you never had to do anything. Now that you were a fully responsible adult and moved away from your parents and took a job to pay rent and your living expsenes, you didnt know if you were able to take care of these little Digimon.

Sooo, you called your bestfriend over, he was at first not believing a single word you have said but the moment he was in with you.. He was fascinated, such cute little creatures? But then he asked for what reason did you actually call him.

"So... hehe, basicly if I would this alone, there be to much for me to work off... and I dont wanna be a single mum, and since we both are already bestfriends why dont you help ne :D Also these little kids need a dad."

"Wait wait wait wait- a dad? But why me!"

You mentaly slapped yourself and just gave him a unfazed stare.

"Who is a man, is my closet friend, can weirdly be a good dad, can help me and is always there for me :D"

He just sighned and.. even though to us its obvious and you being a blind person ( in terms of reading the room), he has feelings for you and taking care of them with you.

"You will be the mother?"

You just nodded VvV. "Then... eh.. should I adress you as honey then, infront of the kids?" At that point you just stared at him. Would that title suit you?... Yes, yes it would.You happily nodded.

"So we be parents then? :D" you asked, he just embarrasedly nodded and you jumped in the air, feeling all happy and friendly, atleast you wont be having to deal all this alone, you have someone by your side during all of this.He just smilled at you, how could you be so blind to his feelings but because of you.. he be doing this, out of love for you.

2 Years Timeskip~

After some years parenting, both you and B/f have come far, your small little kids that you named happily, Botamon, you named him after your Uncle, his name was Kai, and little Botamon gave some Ninjago Kai vibes off, and he always watched that show as he grew up.Kokomon, you named them Choc, because of his chocolate coulered self and his affinity to liking sweets that are always sided with chocolate flavor.Zerimon was named Lemon, he is coloured like a Lemon and loves Citrus fruits, noice which is why the both you of named him Lemon and he is the exact opposites of his sister Zerimon.Keemon was the weirdest of the bunch, he was like a clingy dog which is why ya named him Max, he wouldnt leave neither your or B/f sides, always calling you both Mum and Dad, which at times made you chuckle and B/f a blushing mess, yet as they digivoled all into their respective forms you couldnt help but smile at them and B/f and even thought it might have seemed as if you were oblivious to B/fs feelings, you werent, you also liked him but wanted just to tease him so much it also made you realise how thankful you were that he was by your side, supporting and helping you no matter what or without any complaints, so one day when it was late and the kids were sleeping, you invited him to the livingroom since before you both have sleeped seperately but now you wanted to be more then just friends, you took him to the livingroom and confessed to him.

When he heard those words from you "I like you more then a simple friend".. he cried, he was happy beyond any thing that could be scaled, this one was one of the hapiest day of his life, and yes finally after so long you are finally his. He took you by arms and hugged you, its safe to say that you both went to bed after that confession but didnt did the deed as you both were faithful followers of the lord, you saved yourself for day you both will marry.

But the both of you pray and hope that the lord will bless you both with more such happy moments , the moment that the both of you will spend together, as lovers and one flesh, just as the lord always had planned for the both of you.

_____________________

Thanks for making a request but please, any kind of family bond should also be kept as one, but I hope you all enjoyed this small fic and wish ya all a blessed day/night.

God bless ya all!

;)

[bigbumder96]

my review on the original heartbreak high + the characters after watching like 2 nd a half seasons😈😈😈

spoilers below‼

the original is so much different to the reboot?😭 tbh the first season was very different to the rest of the show aswell as the reboot, but the only similarities i feel like they both have is that its took place in the same school and some (2💀) of the characters are in the reboot some way or another

overall, i do like the show. more than the reboot??? maybe, maybe not, idk😰😰😰 but its very well written in the sense that all the characters are insufferable, but you still feel pity for them and have a soft spot for them until next thing you know, theyre number 1 on your favourite list for the next 3 episodes until they do something crazy and slide all the way down to the bottom🙁

the storylines are actually really interesting, although i just know the writers are starting to run out of ideas. like theyre averaging around 40 episodes fkr 7 seasons there is NO way its gna be interesting all the way through💀 although i could be surprised, i was only bored in the first episode or two, because it has a bit of a slow beginning. infact i started this tv show ages ago but i never got past episode 1 until now😭

one problem i do have is the normalised large age gaps😨 like a 30 year old will date a 17 year old and nobody bats an eye... a bit scary tbh😞😞😞 they do still have storylines about how bad large age gaps are and how they're creepy but yk... hypocrisy is a real disease. im not too surprised though, as the tv show is based off a movie, called the heartbreak kid, about a romance between a teacher and her student. not so funfact: the teacher was called christina and the student was called nick. they were both played by the same actors as nick poulos and ms milano in the tv show. ☹

my opinion on the characters:

THANKFULLY they decided to keep this relationship out of the tv show. that doesnt stop the teacher x student relationships though😰😰😰 like the whole mr north - rose thing seemed pretty one sided on roses part thankfully, but he was still a nonce. like wdym u got a 17 year old pregnant and thats why you dont want to date rose? shouldnt the age gap or the fact shes your student be the reason??? then you had a 30 year old picking up con from a highschool, where she tells him he would look 'sexy' in a uniform, which just screams red flag, plus southgate and george (2 adults) knew and didnt gaf??😭 omg need i remind he was basically 🍇ed by lucys mother in the catering episode🙁 dont even get me started on sam and rivers. like he started harassing her which is horrible, but then she keot defending rivers and eventually started liking him back??? and when the students find out deloraine fired her they got mad at deloraine??? do they not care shes basically a nonce😥😥what even was the moral of this story because it was so icky... and then they run away together.😐 one storyline that highkey made me sob was lucy and her mums bf. im so happy they portrayed this in a negative light, cuz the scenes made me so uncomfortable. lucys actor is incredible tbh, this storyline was acc so sad☹

sorry for ranting, im just so mad about these😭

nick: he actually used to be my favourite, but at some point he became such a dick. like i still have a small soft spot for him because he was really nice at times, but him cheating on jodie was probably the final straw for me😭

i still absolutely ugly sobbed when he died🙁 tho

jodie: i didnt like her at first for some reason?? i dont know why???? shes actually really sweet, and probably the most open minded character in the whole show. nit at all relevant but she lowkey gives off gothic vibes😭 anyways someone find her a nice supportive boyfriend or i will date her instead. tbh tho, her and nick were cute while they lasted. also she is acc such a good singer and rapper omfg.

i also love the friendship she has w rivers and steve. like that is the perfect definition of platonuc boy and girl friendship where you can be close without catching feelings with eachother. like cuddling the homies. like kissing the homies goodnight. idk man my point is that some trios do work😋

con: probably my fav character !!! he was also my dads favourite too (my dad used to watch this when he was younger) 😭 he has a very likeable personality icl, although i feel like he lowkey has a lack of storylines. idk why, it just feels like they never give him any important storylines which is kinda sad😞 one storyline that he did have was the one with rose and jack and OH MY FUCKING GOD I GOT SO MUCH SECOND HAND EMBARASSMENT. like con, ily but asking rose to marry you was NOT a girlboss move🙁 anyways dare i say he has adhd. people might disagree, its just a headcanon (although he is adhd coded. quinni may not be the only nuerodivergent character in the hbh universe..😈)

steve: i used to hate him because i thought he was irrelevant and treated danielle horrible, but at some point in season 1 the episodes got very steve-centric and he grew on me sooo bad.😨 istg tho, there was a certain point where he could not catch a break and i felt so bad😭 like imagine ur parents divorcing and becoming homeless because none of them wanted you, and then finding out youre adopted??? crazy. imo, id say he had one of the best written storylines in the tv show, but i think thats just because i lowkey related to him.😣 like the depression arc was real (that aint even the part i related to💀) anyways hes also vv funny, and i know he dies and im already grieving him despite not actually getting to that part yet☹

danielle: i mean shes okay???? i liked her at first iykwim but then she became kinda annoyibg nd rude😭 shes fine now, but i still dislike her. however, im kinda curious to see how this drug storyline works out, as the writers seem to do pretty well with all of danis storylines. ive not gotten to this bit yet, im just kinda curious😞 however, i dont know if shes pro choice or pro life and ots scaring me...

rivers: idk, i mean sometimes hes tolerable, and other times hes just a knob. i do feel bad for him though, he went through some shit🙁 he was kinda creepy at times tho, ntm the racism and homophobia...😰 i can sense the character development though, like the difference between him in season 1 vs now is obvious ! i do dislike him quite a lot though still.

the whole thing with sam is so icky though😭

rose: icl, i loved her. she deserved to be in the show longer. i thought she was incredibky delusional though, like first that pedo mr north, and then jack? except the crazy part was that her delusions were right😥😥 i was extremely oblivious to the fact jack liked her back, but yk, never underestimate the power behind teen girl magazines😈 the whole thing with the baby felt realistic (i think?? idk ive never had a teen pregnancy before) amd i thiught it was all executed pretty well !!! plus tess was really cute😭 it would be cool if tess came in the reboot as a teacher or something!!

icba to talk about every single character, so if perchance anybody wants to know how i feel about a certain character/storyline please ask! my box thingy is open :))

[quotidian-oblivion]

Green Leafy Croutons Part 2

I believe I never did explain the reason behind the name. It's an original recipe, yes. Inspired by my first meal from a cafe that i forgot the name of. My friend and i were texting and tryna come up with names for this recipe and together, by the power of our dumbasses, we came up with this. It can also be shortened to simply "Green Leafy".

Jason put his hands on his hip, looking pretty damn proud of himself.

Tim scrunched up his face in puzzled disapproval. "Green leafy?" he repeated.

"Yep," Jason grinned, a proud smile glowing as brightly as the fire on the stove behind him.

"So it's just... green leafy?"

"You got a problem with that?"

"No- well... maybe."

"It's a great name!" Jason protested, flinging his arms up.

"Oh yeah, sure." Tim rolled his eyes. "Hey, Bruce. Do you want some green leafy for breakfast?"

Jason narrowed his eyes. "I see nothing wrong with that statement."

Tim shook his head, throwing away the last of the eggshells.

So yeah: Green Leafy.

My sister took this picture for me. Isn't she a great photographer? /half sar

Alright! They're done!

Time to cremate the bread.

No, it's not a roll of toilet paper, it's cheese.

See?

I cannot cut cheese.

I really cannot cut cheese.

Okay, I forgot to add salt and pepper and lemon squeeze to the avocado, but my mum did it for me. I've plated the dish beautifully. Marvel on my creation:

I gave that to my mum. My dad is off starch so he just had the salad. My youngest sister had just toasted bread and avocado spread and cheese. My other youngest sis had toast, chicken, cheese, and lettuce. My sister had the full platter, just a little less of everything. And I had the full platter:

I cleared up the mess in the kitchen and washed the dishes first cuz i can't enjoy it unless i know that my whole job's been done. So it's a little cold. I'm trying it now.

...

BRO?

IT'S SO GOOD??

LIKE- I JUST HAD A SMALL BITE OF EGGS, CHICKEN, SALAD, AVOCADO TOAST, AND CHEESE TOAST AND- IT'S SO FREKAING GOOD??? I LOVE IT SO MUCH????? IA M NOT EVEN KIDDING???

Gonna turn this bad boy into a sandwich.

Look how thick this boy is.

It's so good, i can't even.

Scoffed down the sandwich. It's salad time!

Okay, i'm gonna be entirely honest here. The brie cheese was a bad idea. My cutting skills were also a bad idea. And not just the part where i cut my thumb. I didnt cut the cheese thin enough and it kinda overpowered everything, i had to force the last bites in and even then i left the salad and handed it over to my dad. I'm feeling a little sick rn cuz of the cheese, i shouldn't have turned it into a sandwich with that thick slice of cheese, but oh well, this was an experiment and it turned out good! You learned some and enjoyed some.

Overall, this took me around 2 hours to make because i'm a dramatic idiot who doesn't know how to manage her time and let her family starve.

Opinion: recipe is 10/10. Definitely try it out. Maybe add some flavor to the salad though, can't think what but it seemed too plain. Maybe that's just my desi tongue. Also, don't make the cheese too thick. You'll puke. Oh! And be careful with knives. It was getting hard to type on phone.

It's 1 am now cuz i spent the last couple of hours just dawdling around and watching documentaries with my fam and waiting out the sick feeling. I think i'll go to sleep now. I have so much work to do, but also going out with friends after months tomorrow, so def excited for that.

Dunno why im telling u all this, but ur hearing it anyway. I'm too sleeby and tired and head hurty.

Goodnight! Let me know if you tried this out! It's so definitely worth it I tell you. Stay safe and drink plenty water!

Part 1

Break Down ch: 2

[augustuswaters27]

Not just a slut. A bitch too.

6 years have passed.

I think of you everyday you once said. Lie.

The very next day, while your mum was driving. The shape of you - ed sheeran. You were thinking of him. It didnt take a day to forget me.

Can I go meet him? He is leaving for the UK to study. I am not interested in him. Lie. I trusted you. I expected loyalty.

He was just back on holiday. You are very interested. And have been for quite a while.

I try to be fair and I have held so much back till now. Is it your right to leave? Of course. But obviously you were having a thing for him and with him before we broke up. And you were lying blantantly before and after breakup. Despicable arent you? After we breakup, even if you screwed him, its not my issue. You even went out with him to orchard one evening and you lied to me about it while we were still together.

So after that "date", the next week, you gave me the middle finger. So what did happen that night? You never said anything. Shape of you. I wonder. Fast forward today. You are screwing him all the time now. It doesnt matter anymore, cos you pinned him down within 3 years.

To think I still had feelings for you. It ends here. This signals the end of everything we had on my part. I have searched for closure for so long. Your actions have proven everything I suspected. You have done what you did. You sold or threw away everything of us. It was quick. Within a day. Things were up on carousell within hours. Lights taken down. "I cant be reminded of you". I think the speed at which you were ready to jump for him showed alot. You were never invested. Dismissed. Gone. Thrown aside.

I have avoided calling you out. But looking at all the evidence. Its hard not to call you out as a slutty bitch. I have wanted for so long to believe you were a nice person. But you arent. And I am not the first guy you have done this to. You take people as toys. You used your friends around you - yue bin, sarah, gabriel to make yourself feel good. But you are never truly their friend. They fill your void. They are cast aside when you are done.

I know you never loved me. "Its all an infatuation" you said. Same dismissive language that you used on Ernest. You had your fun. Thankfully, me too. But you have left a scar so deep that I know I will carry to my grave. I frankly dont care if you hate me anymore. I know i love you and have loved you. I have carried this long enough. God pls.

You betrayed me. You are a two timing slut and bitch. Each phrase you said at broke up. A lie. I guess all along this was your true nature. Calculative and angling for the best catch.

"I need to find someone who wont cheat on me." Irony strikes. You played emotional blame. You pointed out my flaws to make me feel like shit. You are no saint. You accused me of emotional blackmail.

The very week, you broke off with me. You went out with him again. That saturday, when I waited in the carpark. There was a reason why I didnt see you.

He picked you up. You drove pass me. You brought him to your church. So its not just something that happens after we break up. I have every reason to call you out for the 2 timing piece of shit you are.

You had the cheek to say afterwards, it would have been awkward if we had ran into each other. This is not the action of someone to whom our relationship had mattered. It didnt. You were fast to move in on the new prey.

Love me as if I was gone. Even while the body was warm you were already with another man. Actually, even before I was dead, you were with him.

The next time we met, you were going orchard towers. I now know what "Maris Friends" mean. He left for the UK. In the months that followed you kept up the charade.

You were viewing wedding ideas on pininterest. You had your sights on him. You were out to hook him. You found the juicy rich sausage you were after. You had designs already. I recall a conversation we had once. You would have picked the rich guy in your group if I didnt come along. "Because he is rich." Yes. I see it now.

Over the months, you played the same modus. Play into his idea of a girlfriend. Appear religious. Bring him for a play. Deliver food to him. I know you.

Put on an act. You wore my ring on 11.11 just to fool me that you were single. But you werent. You were already introducing your relatives to him. Nice leather jacket from him. Scheming arent you?

That very day you asked me to delete the videos. You went out with him. You lied that mum was calling. Nope. It was him. Its ok. I lied too.

You brought him for Yoga. That is why Bianca raised her eyebrows at you. You would have me pay for you. But you date him. You are such a bitch. You are worse than an animal.

CNY 2018, you went out with him on CNY eve. 1 video. 2 cups. You probably fooled him with some story about only having him on instagram after your trip to Israel, when you make your relationship "official". You are such a knaving bitch. Old airport road. Receiving friends from UK. Friends finally get to meet that wonderful girl he is dating. Singapore flyer.

You date guys. You sleep with them. Then you drop and go when something better comes along. If this doesnt qualify you as a slut, I dun know what does. I think it is very clear why you are with him.

Lets not go into how many guys you slept with that I know about. I shudder to think if there are those I dont know about. I am doubting if the first time was the 2 guys you screwed in 1 night. I can no longer trust anything you said.

Irony is I probably know more about you than he even does. Lying is not beyond you. You do it so well. Your mum never knew how much of a slut you were.

Each time you get bored or some nicer thing comes along. You are gone. Forget I have loved you for so long. Your own words. You did it to Edgar. You did it to Ernest. You did it to me. Thats why you avoid all of us. Cut us off. Bitch. Its always the same modus. Sudden drop. Cut off all communication. Blame the guy. Move on to the next victim asap.

You really know how to suck up and fool people. You out on a facade for which ever guy takes your new fancy. Play the religious girl. Play the slut. You will take on any persona that gets you what you want. "Its about what I want!" You said to me. Yes. I get it.

Do you love him? I think the answer is obvious. I know his family lives in a nice house in Kovan and they have moolah. I grew up in that area, remember? Or have you conveniently forgotten. I know exactly which house.

Telegram deleted. Oh well, I downloaded what i need. I am not stupid you bitch.

Good luck. I was naive to fall for your charms. You think it was about sex. You take sex as a game. No. Emotions are tattoos, they arent orgasms. I remind myself that everything you ever said was negated by the lies you told. I am telling myself "I am never coming back." I see you for who you truly are.

I pray each day for the grace to forgive you. I dont want to go to hell because of you. I pray for mercy for you and me. Because I didnt get what I deserve and I pray you dont too.

Jar of hearts.

[crepuscollo]

the post before this (or the one before the before this) rlly made me think about who i am able to take my mask off with and who i cant.

i obviously thoughtlessly drifted to how it would be like to take off my mask with ash. thats when i realised he may be one of the only people if not literally the only person ive ever been fully comfortable with.

sure there’s the whole smart ass know it all thing he has going and his whole i like feeling rich thing and the twisted perspectives on some things. but away from that ive never been more myself than i was with him. ive never shared so much of myself either. i shared everything. all the dark sex fantasies, my big childhood secret, i never opened up ab my mum but thats bec of other things. i just felt like i could talk to him ab anth and say anth and it would be okay. im not saying other ppl necessarily judge me or i dont trust them or anything i just didnt feel okay telling them.

so yeah. it was really hard to get rejected (or atlst thats how i would put it) by the one person uve ever FULLY let ur guard down for. the one person who you told ur deepest darkest secret. the one person u were the most yourself with, couldnt even fucking be with you. didnt like you enough. im not even saying i liked him that much because i didnt. it was a lot more about me than him. ig its the way he makes me feel. so its him as well. but im talking about the rejection, here. it was hard to take not because i couldnt live without him, but because im really desperate for him to like me. i still am. i think about it a lot. idk why i can be myself around him and not other people. but it rlly fucking hurts that he rejected me. and not just that but after it all i could feel was him drifting and separating from me snd purposefully putting distance between us which ofc only made me think that he never rlly liked me and he finds me annoying and a pain in the ass. so thats even worse.

when i was crying and all that i wont say my feelings for him weren’t strong but they weren’t that strong. i was dealing with a lot; belal and my sister, post-hurghada stress, maya vs my sis, socially drained, physically drained, not well rested, still having to see family and friends so no break, my period lol, im on accutane. the list goes on for the amount of shit that was happening and duding hurghada the only thing i could think ab was getting back and telling him all about it and our late night calls. but no. he wasnt there. he said hed be there and he wasnt. and he doesnt try to be. and he doesnt care that he isnt. he just isnt. he just isnt here anymore. he suddenly decided that he isnt hete anymore. these arent trust issues babe, i got abandonment issues.

ch4, black, ash, sp1.

sp2 was complicated. blue was me letting my demons out on him bec i couldnt handle it.

anyway, its kind of bugging me that he thinks i was so swooned by him bec im so sure it fed his ego which is natural i guess but its not honest. i didnt really truly figure out how i felt till now. i miss him. his friendship. our calls. talking to him. about everything. i miss him a lot and ill never not miss him and i don’t necessarily like him romantically- a lot of it if not most of it is platonic- but he just doesnt enjoy my company, i guess. and thats the thing that hurts to make peace with. its almost impossible. bec i feel very strongly about him.

oh and my attachment to him was very emotional which is another reason why the parting was so intense for me. he opened more doors to me than anyone ever has. he is so special. but he made me really insecure. i feel unlovable and hopeless. like im just a talking stage, never more than that. even if they loved me or really strongly liked me- its never enough for more than just that. thats why i cant do this anymore. talk to guys and open up and this shit and then get hurt and abandoned again… i just cant do it.

ash told me please dont let me be a bad example of a guy or someone who hurt u and this whole thing … i told him yeah. sure. i let him have it. but theres no way he could have done what he did without hurting me (nvm he could be my friend lol but let me continue either way) bec nthn will change the fact eno i opened up to him and he left me still. he told me at one point en hes doing this too late but atlst he is doing it still. yeah. he got one thing right. it was most definitely too late.

its really crazy to me that the whole parting thing happened july 31 and august 1 but im coming to terms with how i felt and why i felt it and my emotions and feelings are only making sense on this not-so-random tuesday: november 1. (its technically monday, october 31st, but its almost 5am on tuesdsy soo). exactly 2 months. ha. ridiculous. i wish i could tell him tho. i wish i could tell him that i wasnt so sad bec i wanted him so badly and loved him snd wanted a rsp. he was just a good friend for me, and thats what broke my heart. and thats why hes a bad person, he did abandon me. he abandoned our friendship. thats all i wanted: a friend. he can say were “friends” and hes here or wtv but thats not the way it feels. it doesnt feel like hes here. it doesnt feel like he cares. this is why i cant forgive him. i shouldnt have to. he made promises that a frjend makes; before and after the parting; and he didnt live up to any of it. i guess a promise doesnt mean anything. trust doesnt mean anything. and affection and soft spots and caring fade away in one night and all our golden conversations and incredible talks and memories fade away as easily as a melting snowflake. nothing matters. not to him anyway. not me to him.

there are a few thoughts that got lost in there that i probably didnt chase fast enough to get them down but thats enough for now. i cant process any more unfinished business tonight. its 4:49am and im dreading studying math tomorrow, as always.

fuck. every time i think of majors and uni i think of ash. every good song or every song that manifests a colour reminds me of him. hes all i can think about. he is forever. and he doesnt deserve that. he lives in my mind, undeserving, invasive, unwanted, unrelenting, yet comfortable and gnawing away at my sanity.

i hate him

i hate him so so much

god,

i hate him.

i cant say it enough

i cant fucking say it enough because i cant lose hope in the fact that if i say it enough, itll come true.

why cant he be easy to hate? like black.

fuck.

FUCK.

he doesnt deserve my feelings and emotions. why did he have to open that door?

it was so hard to shut. and i never wanted to shut it in the first place. he shouldve handled it with more delicacy. more care. but no, lol, abandoned. again. i could make a poem of all the “agains”.

i need to sleep

i need my mind to rest

omg onw more rhing the best door he opened is my ability to write again like when i reread the jo ss a few weeks ago it made me realize how i was bstter at communicating advice snd comfort and those sorts of things and connectingwith things and he helped me see that i aint what i used to be snd i dont have as many feelings or thoights or deepnesd or intensity as i used to be because i pushed it all away, deep down. but its back, as u can see. i cant stop writing. i cant stop feeling. i cant stop thinking about him.

i cant stop looking for his face in crowds.

god i wish i could … idk… do i regret him? he made me feel intense and good emotions and everyth and helped me reslize a lot of things and i cant deny en he was a beyond good part of my summer but now when i look back at hurghada im like did these pics and vids drive him away and all i canthink is oh yeah she had no idea whatll happen in teo days and yeah it went from 0 to 100 so quick so idk if i regret it or not idk if it was worth it

also horny is easy to feel bec it feels good yet intense snd secretive its not like happiness but its still a good feeling which is odd excitement is supposed to be good bit its stressfull as well and it gnaws at u. horny is good and essy snd quick and even if u get it wrong so what nthn is affected. it cant go badly (even excitement can be stress) so yeah. horny is essy snd not complicated and thats why i like feeling a lot of it it doesnt let me feel empty and it elevates my mood at the same time.

[un2-verse]

BILLY — Kim Taehyung (1)

》 News of a Sadistic Serial Killer nicknamed “Jigsaw” is spreading around town like wildfire… the nickname stemming from the puzzle piece he cuts from every victim’s body. No one knows who he’ll trap next but in a town full of delinquents and criminals, it could never be you. Right? 《

pairings: john kramer!taehyung x female reader

warnings: dark themes, angst, yandere, murder, torture, self harm, suicide, stalking etc.... (will add more when i know lol) although it is rather innocent in the first couple chapters(?) so idk it could be slow burn but i guess we’ll find out as i write it >< ,, it’s my version of saw if saw was a fucked up love story lol. Please don’t read if any of the topics mentioned trigger you!! 18+

this fic is exactly that, fiction!!!! the au does not represent the characters mentioned irl......

synopsis: you end up lost on the other side of town, where you cross paths with a handsome stranger, kim taehyung, only.... are you a stranger to him?

[a/n: daffodils represent; love me, sympathy, desire and affection returned...]

word count: 3k

series masterlist

part two

——————————————————————————

Hiding behind a mask was something you were accustomed to. Your friend group and family were clueless to the torment you endured from simply existing. You were confident your masking had convinced the world you were happy with yourself. Unbeknown to you, one other person saw straight through your façade.

You wanted to end your life.

He needed you to cherish your life.

Nothing looked familiar. The café you frequented was nowhere to be found. Your usual hangout was most definitely not on the side of town you found yourself in. You felt anxiety slowly curl its way around your body, you were frigid. You tried and tried but couldn’t find it in yourself to run.

You lived in the more friendly part of town (so to speak) – where houses were colourful, gardens pristine, warm-hearted neighbours who would treat you like family and white picket fences are what surrounded you. That was your norm, sure, you weren’t exactly loaded but you weren’t exactly poor either. It was a healthy balance in the middle. That’s not to say you hadn’t lived or seen this side of town before.

Your Mother and Father had grown up on this side of the fence. Two young people brought up in the rougher, more unfortunate areas. Your Mother was tough; she looked like a naïve, weak girl, albeit that was not the case. She was strong willed, used to life on the streets and doing anything she could to get money to make sure there was at least some food on the table. While your Mum was the leader, your Dad was more of a sheep. He was easily influenced and was dragged into the wrong crowd (had his fair share with drugs and street racing). That was their life for a few years till they crossed paths and your Mum helped your Dad get back on the right track.

They didn’t tell you much about their childhood and adolescence but they told you enough to make you appreciate what you have and to always work hard for it. To stick with the right people, be wise and conscious of your decisions. Be kind to those around you.

Your family owned a garage; your Dad was the head mechanic. This was the sole reason you were here. You knew it wouldn’t be simple when you agreed to go to this side of town to get a few bits for your Father’s shop. However, you didn’t expect it to be this difficult. How could you be so stupid? Why didn’t you just ask Hoseok and Yoongi to come with you like your father told you to? Or at least tell them where you were… yet you decided today of all days to be stubborn and venture on yourself, knowing full well how unsafe the area was. There were rundown businesses on either side of the road, beggars at every doorstep; drug dealings happening in broad daylight, no one even trying to hide it.

You felt your phone buzz in your pocket, you took it out and sighed a breath of relief once you’d read the texts.

14:37— From Papa: U ok munchkin ??? Did u get the stuff ?

14:39— From Papa: its ok if u didnt. Yoongs rang said hes got majority this morning lol so be safe n get home soon . Love u

14:40— To Papa: ohhh ok pops, i couldn’t find the shop anyway lol i’ll head back soon, love u too x

*LOW BATTERY*

“Fuck, trust me to forget to charge the bastard.” You rolled your eyes as you stuffed the phone back in your pocket.

Muffled shouting was heard around you. People ran across the street, bumping into you as they ran past. You gathered yourself and moved further down the path. “Great!” you exasperated, “honestly I’m so fucking stupid! Yoongi’s gonna kill me for this, I knew, I knew I should’ve told him I was coming over here but no,” your head was hung low as you dragged your feet across the pavement, “maybe I could tell Hobi, he wouldn’t be as angry right? I’m sure he’ll come,“ A sudden scream ripped you out of your chuntering. You whipped your head to the right, you could make out some figures bustling about in front of you, a group of men were quite clearly fighting… your anxiety struck you and you held your breath as you saw a man pull a knife from the waistband of his sweatpants. All thoughts and common sense seemed to leave all at once. Statue like, feet stuck to the ground. You watched on as the group rushed towards the brown haired man, you scanned his figure: tall, broad, confident… he exuded an intimidating aura even when you were this far away from him.

How could someone be so sure of themselves? It was one against five, surely the loner had no chance?

The glistening of the knife brought you back to your senses. Fucking hell. How do you always end up in these situations when you’re alone? Why me? Why? Good Lord, I need to run. Just as you were about to leave, the group who were arguing charged past you; one gripped his side as another supported his weight. Holy fuck, did he stab him? you stood frozen, yet again, your mind raced a mile a minute. Panic bubbled in your chest.

“You okay there Doll?” His voice was deep, velvet-like. It flowed so smoothly you doubted it was real, it was so soothing like it had wrapped itself around you, embracing your body. You heard his footsteps before he planted himself beside you. His shoulder reached the top of your head, his hand brushed yours. Swallowing your nerves you dared a glance up. He was fucking breath-taking, like a fallen angel. The stranger shot you a small smile that you would’ve easily missed had you not been staring at his features… a blush crept up your neck as you nodded. His smile slowly twisted into a smirk.

Cute, Taehyung thought to himself. Couldn’t help but adore the way you slightly trembled under his gaze, the way your hands gripped and twisted your sweater paws. Almost like a puppy. He cleared his throat and reached his hand to yours, “Sorry, I should’ve introduced myself. I’m Taehyung.” you took his hand into yours, apprehensively you greeted him, “I’m Y/N.”

“Ah, Y/N. I haven’t seen you round here before, you new or something?” Taehyung cocked his head to the side, his eyes seemed to stare right through you.

“Uhm, I don’t live here. I live over the other part of Town… I was just grabbing some stuff for my Dad but, my phones about to die. I have no idea where I am or how to get home, I’m sorry, I promise I didn’t see anything!” a deep chuckle cut you off, Taehyung smiled and beckoned you to follow him.

“Come on Y/N, you’re not suited for this side of Town, I’ll walk you back. A pretty little thing like you, you’re easy prey to these guys.” your feet fell into a cautious pace behind him, he glanced over his shoulder, “hurry up Buttercup, I don’t bite.” Taehyung flashed a boxy grin in your direction, which caused you to speed up ever so slightly.

You were unsure how you felt about letting a complete stranger walk you home, Yoongi would definitely kill you for this. Especially with the recent news of some serial killer named ‘Jigsaw’, Yoongi and Hoseok had been very stern and their usual, overprotective selves when the news had broken out. “It’s on every headline Y/Nie! No more leaving the house on yourself, you need to go anywhere you ring either of us. Got it? Don’t talk to anyone you don’t know either. There’s some dodgy fucks about recently.” Although, you loved them dearly, sometimes their protectiveness was a...little overbearing. You already felt suffocated from your parents (you didn’t need it from your best friends as well). They were happy and believed you to be too; but that was exhausting, faking happiness. You had a constant façade, acted like a happy normal teenager with a happy family; when that was far from the truth.

Drowning. That’s how you’d explain the way you felt. Breathing was difficult and brought you more pain than it was worth. Growing up was tedious, you had grown differently to your peers which only brought ridicule and embarrassment for you. You had struggled with your speech (sometimes you still do), you often stuttered, mispronounced words, the list was endless. That was one of the first reasons you were a castaway. As you grew, the ridicule worsened. Verbal abuse turned physical from your classmates. They made you feel like you were a waste of space. The names they called you, you soon started to believe them. Ugly. Weird. Freak. Stupid. They took root in your brain, slowly they grew and grew till your head was overgrown with twisted, rotten weeds.

Eventually, you sought comfort in blood. You didn’t care that it hurt you; you were almost happy to feel pain. Like you deserved to.

By age 14, you had started to skip school. Only ever there for exams and a couple of art classes you had with Jeongguk. He was what you would’ve called a best friend, he supported you and was by your side till you left school. He went away to college and like always with school friends, you drifted apart. Nevertheless, he still texts you now and then to check in.

Although you were (once) close with Jeongguk. He never knew of your inner demons, the same with Yoongi and Hoseok. You didn’t want to feel like a burden and worry your friends when they had shit to worry about themselves.

Why devastate flowers that flourish beautifully with weeds that manage to twist their way around every crack?

You had walked for a few minutes now, having chatted absentmindedly about anything and everything. The roads still didn’t look familiar to you and you just wished they did, you didn’t want to be away from your home any longer, your feet were starting to ache, your phone was on 10% battery and it was fucking cold. You just wanted to be back in bed tucked up watching Lady and the Tramp or 101 Dalmatians for the millionth time. You felt safe and content when you indulged in your comfort films. Far away from the real world and wrapped up in the false reality. They easily distracted you and that's when you truly felt at peace. Your mind was always too busy thinking about how cute it was when Tramp calls Lady, Pidge or how in love Pongo and Perdy were.

Majority of the time you fantasised about having a love similar, but then again, why would you wanna make yourself vulnerable like that? Is the risk of being hurt (more than you are now) any good? Of course it’s not. Fuck that, life isn’t nothing like those shitty romance films or novels… It’s real and painful.

As you and Taehyung rounded the corner, a little cafe caught your eye, a dainty blue and pink building. Fairy Lights strung up around the windows, you could see a handful of people inside, busy sipping their drinks and chatting away to one another. ‘Aroma Mocha’ hung above the doors. It looked so cute and simple. Your previous thoughts left your mind as quick as they had come. You wanted to go inside, it had an enticing atmosphere.

Taehyung hadn’t realised you’d stopped walking until he couldn’t hear the soft thud of your footsteps behind him, he turned as he called out to you, your eyes still fixed on the cafe. He chuckled to himself, “Fucking adorable, like a kid at christmas,” he walked back over to you. “Hey Doll, you wanna go in?” He felt his heart quicken when you looked at him with those pretty eyes, “We’ve plenty of time to get you back before it’s dark angel.” You answered him with a nod as you turned your head from Taehyung to look back at the alluring little cafe.

Not a second had passed before Taehyung grabbed your hand and pulled you across the road to the entrance; you ignored the warmth of his hand as it intertwined with yours; you ignored the way your tummy erupted with butterflies. Taehyung had stopped to hold the door for you, you murmured a small, “thank you,” looking up at him, the heat that crept up your cheeks making your face resemble that of a doll’s he thought to himself. Once he ushered you fully inside, he placed his hand to rest on the curve of your waist as he guided you to the back corner of the room, where a quaint table for two was unoccupied, a little pot of Daffodils sat atop. How fitting...

Taehyung was quick to pull the chair out for you to take a seat, you pulled it in as you sat down and sent a shy smile his way, “I’m sorry, I know we just met Taehyung but this place is so fucking precious! I hope I’m not bothering you, if I am we can just carry on walking or, I could ring a Taxi? Is this weird? Oh god, I can’t believe--”, Taehyung threw his head back as he laughed, a sound that seemed to wrap its way around your soul, twisting around your heart in the nicest of ways, it was almost like a killer to the weeds taking over your body. A temporary release. You felt like you could really breathe in those short seconds of his laughter.

“Angel, if you were bothering me, I’d have kept on walking. That, or I would’ve called you a Taxi myself, it’s no problem honestly.” You ducked your head as he sent a wink your way, fuck sake Y/N get it together! Why are you acting like a fucking schoolgirl?

“Well I uh, appreciate it so, yeah thank you?” You don’t know what to do, you’re here with the most gorgeous person you’ve ever laid your eyes on… yet you have no clue if what you saw was real, did Taehyung stab someone? Could someone have had the knife who wasn’t Taehyung? Was he even the person you saw in that altercation? Did you imagine everything that had gone off?

Before you had chance to overthink it, a light bubbly voice greeted your ears, “Hi! Welcome to Aroma Mocha, I’m Jimin and I’ll be your server today. Is there anything I can get you?” Jimin held his gaze on you as he flashed you a friendly smile, Taehyung turned around at the sound of his best friend, “Oh, Tae! I wasn’t expecting to see you today, what are you doing here? And who’s this pretty little lady?”

“This is Y/Nie, she was in the neighbourhood so we thought we’d nip in for something to drink before I take her back to hers.” you sent a warm smile to Jimin which he gladly returned, “I’ll have my usual and can you get Y/Nie a Strawberry Iced Tea? Thanks man.”

Once Jimin had disappeared to make your drinks, you shot your eyes to Taehyung, “Uhm, how’d you know I like Strawberry Iced Tea?” Taehyung didn’t even look in your direction as he scrolled through his phone, eyes glued to the screen. A minute passed by and he’d still not acknowledged your question so you let it slide, it wasn’t that big of a deal right? Your mind drifted. Your fingers rested atop of your lap, hidden from the sight of onlookers, picking around your nails as anxiety flooded your body. You felt like you were about to suffocate. You shouldn’t be talking to anyone, you shouldn’t let anyone close. You were only going to fuck everything up in a heartbeat. It’s only natural. Self deprecating thoughts devoured and made their way through your veins, poisoning yourself further; your whole body felt as though it was alight.

Jimin brought you your drinks, placed them carefully in front of the pair of you as you both said your thanks.

The click of Taehyung’s phone being locked and the clearing of his throat brought you back to your senses. “The drink I ordered for you is popular here so, I assumed you’d like to try it. You wanna talk about what’s bothering you?” your eyes shot up to meet his, your head tilted a little to the left as your tongue wet your lip, so puppy like...

You stared incredulously, “I don’t know what you’re talking about Taehyung.” You leant forward slightly as you wrapped your lips around the straw and took a sip.

Taehyung saw the way you sucked your drink up through your straw, his eyes darkened. Thankful to have worn sweatpants that day, he shifted himself discreetly, “I’m not stupid Angel, I know what you’re doing under the table. I’m here, so talk to me. I’ll listen to whatever you gotta say.”

You stuttered as you wracked your brain for something to say, “I-I only met you like forty minutes ago, I don’t even tell my friends what’s wrong. Not that there is, everything’s fine.”

You met me just short of an hour ago, he thought to himself, “You don’t have to lie to me Y/Nie…” he grabbed your hands that were laid near the cup of your Iced Tea. His thumb rubbing circles onto the back of your hand. You looked small and fragile, like the Daffodils on the table; one little pluck and you’d be ruined. He wouldn’t admit it to you just yet but, Taehyung fucking loved how delicate you seemed as you sat across from him.

How easy it would be to take your life away. How easy it’d be to pull those weeds up that are poisoning you, torturing you every single day. He shook his head, as he cleared those thoughts. No, only Y/N can make that decision. I’m just going to help her choose.

Live or Die.

You visibly winced, “You don’t know me. Think whatever the fuck you want about me, it doesn’t matter.” your eyes flashed hurt as you went back to picking your skin. You knew it, this whole encounter was too good to be true. A complete stranger (well acquaintance technically) had just presumed shit about you, the fact he was right is what hurt more. You didn’t want anyone to know how you were feeling. Or how you were dealing with it.

You couldn’t exactly tell him to piss off, you still needed his help home and so you tried to distract yourself from the unsettling gaze that watched your every move. You let out a breath as Taehyung went back to his phone. Your eyes drifted as you picked up the local Newspaper, your eyes skimmed over the headline, ‘Jigsaw Traps Continue’. Taehyung noticed you staring at the front page, and chuckled, “you scared of Jigsaw Angel?”

You shook your head, why would you be scared of some nutjob who’s targeted criminals and drug dealers? You’re a nobody. “Of some psychopathic puppet?” if anyone did anything to you that would threaten your life, it would be you. Taehyung just laughed in return as you skipped the article and skim-read the other pointless stories.

You were fucking clueless as to who he was while he knew every little thing about you. He had watched you for months… His precious little Y/Nie… Oh how silly you were, taking your life for granted.

You hated yourself that much, you were willingly marking yourself up. Tainting your skin… oh your skin, how fucking beautiful and soft it looked, even with all the scars it still looked perfect… Taehyung wanted nothing more than to whisk you away and lock you inside with him. Forever. He didn’t want anyone touching what was his.

He knew you wore a mask when in public, too afraid to show your real self. Little did you know, he wore a mask himself...only he wore it to better other people.

He had a plan.

And you’d soon find out.

Let the games begin.

[underneaththe-waterfall]

How do I put up with you?

Why is there barely and Bambam angst ?like anywhere?😖

summary: You and bambam have an argument as he says you are buying to many clothes. You both end up having an argument which leads to Bambam fucking you until you fall asleep.

CONTAINS: ANGST  , SMUT , FLUFF. ALSO  (hair pulling and oral sex )

F/N= friends name

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN I BUY TO MANY CLOTHES” you say sitting on the couch with your arms crossed and an expression on your face that was starting to scare Bambam. This whole thing started when Bambam saw you walk into the house with like 6 bags of clothes and an extra bag full to the brim with makeup. Its not that Bambam doesn’t like it when you shop and neither is he stingy , but he had noticed lately how often you went shopping and by now his whole wardrobe along with your own was full of your clothes. 

It started with Bambam speaking to you calmly but it all just rubbed you the wrong way and you got defensive and by now you both were yelling in each others faces .”DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT I HAVE TO HANG MY CLOTHES IN THE TOILET BECAUSE I HAVE NO SPACE IN MY WARDROBE BECAUSE OF YOU”.  In the beginning of this argument when Bambam began yelling at you it shocked you as it was very uncommon for him to yell at you, but now you wanted to fight back. 

“THEN WHY DONT YOU BUY YOURSELF ANOTHER WARDROBE!” at this point Bambam felt so angry he felt like he was gonna explode. You were really taking this too far. “You buy all this stuff out our shared account and were gonna go bank corrupt soon and we all know who contributes the majority of the money in the account and its clearly not you.” Bambam replies in an annoyed tone clearly stopping himself from yelling.

This crossed the line for you. Bambam knew how insecure you were about you job as a fashion designer as you were still a beginner so you weren’t really making a lot of money. Instead you were stuck being an assistant for another fashion designer who payed you very less. Despite how less your pay was you still always put it in your and Bambams shared account so it was fair for the both of you. This truly hurt you because there was no way you were expecting that from Bambam. 

You remained silent now just looking at the floor trying not to cry, It was getting too difficult as now your eyes were stinging and your throat was closing up because of how badly you wanted to cry. From the corner of your eye you could see Bambam watching you. You kept your gaze on the floor as you walked out the living room straight to your and Bambams bedroom and locked the door. You heard him say something but you were so blanked out that you didn’t even hear. As soon as you entered the room you let it all out. You laid there on the bed and cried. You had been told many times by fans and others that you were just a failure and fashion designers earnt  nothing and thats why you were with Bambam;because you were a gold digger and just wanted him for his money. 

This was always a part of your relationship that made you feel insecure. You didn’t like the fact that bambam had to pay for if not all, most the things you bought. Even your mum had told you to get a real job. So now was the time you got a real job. Your friends family owned a cafe and she always offered you a job there so you both could work together. You declined the offer kindly and decided to follow your dreams. But you were clearly not living in the real world if you thought you could just follow your dreams and become whatever you wanted. At this point you needed money. You didnt want to spend any of Bambams money from now on. Especially not after how he reacted. 

So you called your friend and it took less then two rings for her to pick up and answer in a cheerful tone “HELLO OMG WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN YOU HAVENT SPOKEN TO ME SINCE AGESSS” you chuckle at her excitement and answer back “F/N i just spoke to you yesterdayy” she let out an over exaggerated sigh and answered “Anyways why did u call its not like you to call me when your with your fancy boyfriend .”You roll your eyes at her even though she couldn’t see and laugh. 

“Umm, can I work at your cafe from tomorrow I know this is very short noticed but-” she cut you off with an excited squeal and she answered “OFCOURSE YOU CAN IM LITERALLY THERE RIGHT NOW AND ITS SO BORING” you smile at her answer. You were truly lucky to have her. ”Okay ill be there  tomorrow morning” you respond. You could hear a customer behind her and she answers back in a rush “Okay ill see you i gtg” and before you could even answer she cut the phone. 

You fell back on to the bed and let out a breath you hadn’t realised you had been holding. You would no longer spend Bambams money. You lay there in a bed for a while before you heard a timid knock on the door. So now was when he had decided to apologise. You ignored him before the knock turned a little louder. After ignoring it for a while you heard him twist the door handle and let out a sigh .”Can you open the door I just wanna have a shower.” You were dumbfounded. He really just wanted a shower? You went and opened the door not even looking at him for a second before laying back down on the bed and going on your phone. Bambam was just as stubborn as you and also didn’t spare you a glance as he headed to the wardrobe in front of you. You watched him from behind as he opened the wardrobe .A bag of your clothes that you had just bought recently fell out of the wardrobe and all your clothes in the bag fell on the floor. 

Bambam looked back at you as if to prove his point but you quickly closed your eyes not wanting him to think your paying any attention to him. He let out a groan and began picking up your clothes that had fell on the floor and put them back in the bag that you lazily hadn’t gotten rid of. He began looking through his clothes and took out a pair of grey shorts and a loose black shirt. You watched him as he took out his towel and shut the drawer. Even though you were really angry at him you couldn’t keep your eyes off of him. This time when he looked back at you , you didn’t look away. You looked at him as he looked back at you with a blank expression. He looked away quickly heading to the bathroom.

By the time Bambam got out it was beginning to get dark. You headed to the bathroom as soon as he got out and had a long warm shower. Usually you would wear one of his shirts or hoodies but today you didn’t want to. Instead you wore one of your own loose shirts and headed to the bed after turning off the lights. Even in the dark you could see that Bambam was already half asleep .You thought to yourself ‘am i petty enough to sleep on the sofa or make him sleep on the sofa?’ You decided to against it as you were not in the mood to get back pains especially when you had work tomorrow. You also decided that there was no point telling Bambam that you have work tomorrow. He would probably be glad that you would no longer have to spend his money anyways. (you were wrong)

You laid down on your side of the bed instantly wrapping yourself around the blankets and it felt so good after a long day of arguing with bambam. You were laying there in your own thoughts until you felt an arm wrap around your waist pulling you closer. Bambam always done this in his sleep and usually you found it adorable but not today. You took his arm and not so gently removed it from your waist moving further away from him. But all your effort went down the drain as he pulled you close again and mumbled something in his sleep. You decided there was no point moving him away any longer as it would result in you staying up all night. You got yourself comfortable in Bambams arms (even though you didn’t want to) and fell asleep in seconds. 

You woke up to the sound of your alarm going off extremely loudly and a grumpy looking bambam sitting crossed leg on the bed with his arms crossed staring at you. He had a pout on his face and he seriously looked like he was about to cry. For a second you nearly forgot about yesterday and were about to jump onto and cuddle him but then you stopped yourself. The alarm went of so you could get ready for work. You turned off the alarm and you could feel Bambams eyes on you. When you finally looked at the time you realised you didn’t have long left and that you should begin getting ready.

Bambam finally spoke as he saw you get up from the bed in a rush. “Where are you going.” You honestly didn’t want to reply but you didn’t want to have disturbed his sleep to not even tell him the reason why. ”I have to go to work.” he looked deep in thought for a second before he spoke again “But you have no work on Saturday”.You groaned and answered him “Well now I do and you should be glad because ill no longer spend your money and ill pay you back all of the money you’ve spent on me dont worry.” 

He had nothing to say. Bambam did not expect you to take everything so seriously. He didn’t want you to overwork yourself and there was no way you could pay him back for all the money he spent on you. It was simply too much. Bambam didn’t meet your eyes as you left for the bathroom. He waited for you to get out the bathroom and the second you walked out he cornered you against the wall with both his arms on either side of your head. 

“Your not going work. ”He says firmly looking at you in such an intense way that you had to look away. You adjusted your towel under his stare and spoke “I do. Now move out of the way i’m gonna get late.” He looked at you for long enough for you to finally look back at him. He looked angry and it was clear to you it was getting hard for him to remain calm. You moved around so you could get away from him but he wouldn’t budge. 

This whole thing was starting to annoy you. First he told you that you waste all his money and now that you wanted to make more money for yourself he wasn’t letting you do it. You couldn’t understand what was wrong with him. “OMG WHATS WRONG WITH YOU IM GONNA GET LATE TO WORK BECAUSE OF YOU , SO FUCKING ANNOYING UGH.” You screamed in his face whilst hitting his chest with your fists and he didn’t even flinch for a second. You hadn’t even realised that you were hitting his chest until he held both your wrists with his hands. 

Now he looked really pissed of. He tightened his jaw as he spoke “How dare you speak to me like that.” The confidence you had a second ago had now all disappeared. You looked away from his as he spoke , your wrists still in his hold. When he saw that you weren’t gonna answer him, his hold on your wrists tightened and you let out a whimper. It was clear that you had pissed Bambam off too much. There was no way he was going to let you get away with this. 

“Take off your towel and get here” he says while he lets go of your wrists and moves to sit on the edge of the bed. You didn’t want to annoy him even more by not doing as he said so you began to strip yourself of your towel as he watched your every move. You tried to hurry as you quickly took of your panties after your towel and walked towards him feeling very exposed. 

He motioned for you to lay across his lap so your ass would be right in front of him on his lap. Now you knew exactly what was about to happen. ”Good” You hear Bambam say as he rubbed his hands all over your ass occasionally squeezing your skin. You were laying there your eyes getting droopy until you felt a harsh slap on your ass that made you jolt awake. You let out a whine as Bambam messages the spot he just hit .You could still feel the sting of the previous slap until he slapped the same spot again .He began messaging the spot again and by now you had tears in your eyes. He gave your ass a last strong slap before he told you to get off his lap. The last hit was so bad that tears began to fall from your eyes and you let out a groan. 

When you stood up the pain on your ass magnified and you winced at the feeling. Bambam also stood up after you and you felt so small in front of him. He towered over you as he spoke “Get on all fours on the bed.” You done what he said immediately getting on your hands and knees on the bed. You waited for him to do something as you couldn’t see him. You heard some shuffling and by the time you saw Bambam he was only wearing his boxers and getting onto the bed. 

You could see his bulge through his black boxers and you wondered to yourself how long hes been hard for. You faced forward as he was on his knees right behind you. You felt his hand wonder around your ass and you winced at how sensitive your ass had become. His hand wondered up all the way up your spine to your neck. He pushed your neck down and you took that as a sign to move your head to the bed and then his hand reached to the centre of your back. You understood what he meant and you arched your back. 

After you were in position Bambam moved his finger down to your pussy moving your wetness around. He had no idea that this whole situation would arouse you so much. He moved his head in between your legs from behind you instantly licking the lips of your pussy. You tried your best not to make a sound as his tongue didn’t go in but licked the outside of your pussy. He used two of his fingers to open your lips and he began drinking up all your wetness. He was moving his tongue so fast and his fingers were also circling around your clit. You felt like you were gonna pass out. 

For what felt like an eternity ,Bambam continued to eat you out and by now your legs were giving out and you felt like you were about to cum. You let out a particularly loud moan as his tongue circled around your entrance and you moved your hips back onto his face out of desperation to reach your orgasm. He held your hips firmly now stopping all movements of your hips and continued .As your orgasm approached your body began slightly shaking and Bambam knew you were about to cum. He moved his face away suddenly and you let out a whine now feeling extremely needy. 

“Did you really think it was that easy?” He says with a small chuckle and you let out a groan in response. It was clear that he had pulled down his boxers as now you could feel the tip of his cock circling around your pussy. You could come just from the feeling of that. You could feel how hard bambam was and you had no idea how he could remain so composed even though he was rock hard. You wanted him to fuck you so bad , you moved your hips back and let out a needy wine. You heard Bambam mutter “What a slut” as he moved the tip of his dick to your entrance. He pushed it in all the way in one go and you let out the loudest moan you had let out that night. 

You felt intoxicated as bambam held onto your hips tightly as he thrusted into you hard and fast. You could feel his anger and hurt through the way he was moving. Bambam pulled your hair making your back arch even more as he fucked into you. You could hear his grunts and it was all getting too much for you. Your legs couldn’t keep you up any longer as you were about to cum. 

Bambam could see that your legs were about to give out so he held you up his grip tightening around your hips as he moved his hips even faster.” Aagh im gonna cum” you say in between breaths and it was getting too hard for you to speak. You heard him hum as he sped up pushing your head into the bed as he continued to fuck you. 

With another harsh thrust you could feel Bambam reaching deep inside of you and you let out a whine as he hit your special spot. He noticed this and continue to thrust into the same spot until you screamed out his name as you came. Bambam was really close to and he slowed down a little in case you felt very sensitive.When he couldnt control himself any more he took hold of your hands putting them behind your back as he held your wrists. He fucked you even harder letting out all his built up anger and with a grunt you could feel Bambam filling you up. 

He pulled out as you collapsed onto the bed completely breathless and you both were covered in sweat .He laid down beside you not looking at you. You remained silent until he spoke “You don’t need to over work yourself. Theres no shortage of money.” You didn’t say anything as sleep was begining to take over you.You didnt know what bambam said after that as you fell into deep sleep not even caring about the argument anymore. 

Bambam looked to see if you were still awake as he wanted to apologise but he smiled when he saw you now completely asleep. He felt guilty for saying the stuff that he did but he seriously no longer had any space of his own. He moved a piece of hair that had fallen on your face and noticed how exhausted you looked. He placed a gentle kiss on you lips and got up to get a towel. 

He returned to your sleeping figure on the bed and tried to clean you as gently as possible. You were so deep in your slumber that you didn’t even move an inch as Bambam pulled your legs apart in order to clean you properly and to remove his cum from your body. After he had cleaned you up he heard the sound of your phone ringing and decided to check who it is. It was F/N. Bambam picked up the phone to hear immediately “ OMG Y/N WHERE ARE YOUU I TOLD MY MUM YOU WERE COMING TO HELP TODAYYY , SHE WAS SO EXCITED SHE EVEN-” Bambam cut her off by answering. He had realised that you were about to start working at your friends cafe.”Uh hi its bambam , Y/N’s asleep right now and she wont be coming today ill let her know you called.” Bambam was hoping your friend wouldn’t get upset that you weren’t coming. After a second F/N replied “Ah um okay let her know I called” and after that she immediately cut the phone. 

Bambam laid down next to you and let out a sigh whilst wrapping his arms around you. He smiled as he pulled you closer and mumbled “stupid” with a chuckle .”I love you” he said before he also fell asleep.

MASTERLIST

[boysl0vingboys]

EPISODE ELEVEN THOUGHT PROCESS BECAUSE I HAVEN’T HURT MYSELF ENOUGH APPARENTLY

1/4

I am ready for the emotional damage

nevermind, fuck both their parents 

NOOOOOO YOU CAN’T START THIS WITH AN EMOTIONAL BUS RIDE!

Allow? Bitch you are already going!

I need a parrall of the bus scene RIGHT NOW!

NOT A FUCKING TEAR!!!!!!

cute opening, still emotionally destroyed

... stick to rugby buddy

Just turn your phone off you dramatic-

‘Scared?’ how many parrells are we going to get?

Free, not dumb! 

‘Being with you feels like freedom...’ I’ve had a ship say this before and then quickly broke me.... I am not ready!

You cute barstards 

Pat, change your shirt. That thing is bad luck.

He better remember you, you three bonded!

Play it. Play it. Play it.

I understand they share a bed already but sharing abed somewhere else just has a different feel. 

Wasn’t this Pat room before?

Lock the door. Don’t be a cli-

Why is he so adorable? Let him be all the cliny he wants!

We’re not talking about that! Screw everyone else.

Maybe ‘Deal’ will be our ‘Always’

THAT’S IT!

2/4

Imagine if Ink and Paa showed up and decided to just hang out with them.

let me dream

WHERE ARE THE ENGLISH SUBS!!!!!

i do not understand anything but they being cute though

be nice to the dead fish

STOP BEING CUTE WHEN i CANNOT UNDERSTAND YOU!!!

If they don’t adopt in the future I will be very disappionted

YOU CANNOT GIVE ME A GUITAR PART WITH NO SUBS!!!!

Are you about to have an epiphany about your mum and I don’t even have the subs for it?

Okay, but she emotional abused him thats a little different

Wait, why are you in a cuter room?

2/4 with sub

yeah, nevermind, i’ll be back when there is subs. important things seem to be happening. (Even though I am still gonna watch it)

mostly the soft smiles taht are happening for reasons I don’t understand but yeah, 

Pran trusting the kid more than Pat…

I can’t wait for the day these two adopt

Dirty mind, dirty mind.

I don’t feel so bad about my cooking skills now

Pran you’re not suppose to try and kill your husband until after he is rich

Calling it, Pran somehow gets a career in music

Pran, buddy, I understand you miss your mum and all but these situations are a little bit different you know, like your mum was actually emotionally abusive

Don’t let Pat drive- or do.

Don’t trust him with a knife but a motorbike, sure.

Fancy hat.

3/4

You’re OhmNanon is showing

Pran listening to the music

Pat watching pran

Their soft smiles

🥲🥲🥲.

Put. The. Phone. Down.

✨communication✨

Pat, are you seriously trying to litter?

Hey, the hoe seaweed returns

Look at this cuties

Don’t imply-

This is a pg rated show

20 questions. Really?

An interior-? Why?

Hence why you got shot.

Squealing? Can these boyfriends hear me through the screen?

Kiss? On this pg-

APPARENTLY

…

That escalated

And is continuing to escalate.

😳😳😳.

Should I give you two a moment?

✨Little spoon Pat✨

Is this moron flexing?

Okay I understand waking up together is suppose to be cute but is Pat’s head BETWEEN the pillows?

That can’t be comfortable.

Their fond smiles.

4/4

We better see Pran and Pat adopt one day

They’re going back, aren’t they?

Pat did you almost not fit?

Hand holding.

They’re about to break me.

Hand holding, beach shirts and rooftops are signs these two are about to break me.

Don’t. Cry.

Don’t.

Cry.

…

I will be taking a five minute crying break.

LISTEN TO THE GLASSES MAN!!!

Symbolism.

Heart breaking love.

A pretty song doesn’t mean I will cry any less

AND INKPAA

😭😭😭.

Things don’t get resolved that easy

I should of known when I watched without subtitles these were fake memories but a bitch was hopeful.

Fuck all of you

Also who opens the fence?

We aren’t talking about the previews.

I am still shattered.

I DIDNT NOTICE THE TEAR THE FIRST TIME!!!

AOF I TRUSTED YOU!!!!!

[wizkiddx]

two beautiful girls

someone asked for me to try dad!tom again so here's my humble attempt, I really really hope it doesn't disappoint but honestly I didn’t spend a lot of time on it before my brain turned to mush :) hope everyones okay... today seems to have felt particularly shitty for no real reason, but sending lots o love <3

dad!tomholland x reader

Summary: dealing with your daughter while tom’s away is tricky to say the least, but its all worth it when the three of u are reunited again // fluff (and maybe angst if u squint rlly hard)

(I can’t work out where this pic is from to credit but pls lmk if it’s yours/ u know)

Normally, hearing the door turn in the lock of your front door was one of the best sensations in the world. No matter how long Tom had been away for you would always be filled with such a sense of relief and warmth just by knowing he was there. Sometimes it’d be after he left only a couple of hours previous for a two hour meeting; or after a quick long weekend in New York for an event; ranging to a two and half month block of shooting across the globe. Especially since little Nova was born, your longing for Tom was only quadrupled because you also had a complete ‘daddy’s girl’ pining after him too. 

Tom had only been away for a couple of nights, yet your 18 month daughter seemed to think she’d been abandoned for months on end. She had slept for less than 6 hours each day and as much as you tried to appeal to her wise and intellectual side (which didnt really exist - she was only 18 months) that sleep would pass the time till his return ; she was having absolutely none of it. Nova kept you up for hours and hours, screaming, screeching and wailing because you weren’t as ‘funny’ as daddy or as soft as her daddy. And what does a sleep deprived baby lead to…? A grumpy baby. She refused to eat which was so awful because then you felt as if you were neglected your child. 

It just made you feel a bit of a failure, to be quite frank. The house was a mess - you’d tried almost every toy to cheer her up, which Nova had actually found great joy in launching back at your face in spite. You were a mess too - at one point, who knows when, you had tied your hair back but now flyaways were everywhere as it pulled itself out of the grasp of the too-loose scrunchie. Oh and then there was the babyfood Nova had kindly spat all over your shirt. 

It had been a really fun three days. 

It was therefore counter intuitive, the fact that Tom’s homecoming only filled you with dread. But you didnt want him to think your were a failure. You were supposed to be Novas mum after all, why must things be so hard when they’re supposed to be all natural and easy? She hadn’t even reached the terrible twos phase yet - that seemed like a far off hellish nightmare you were trying to avoid thinking of. Of course, you loved loved loved Nova - she was already growing up so fast that it actually hurt your heart a little, to think of how much in even a week she’d grown. 

But it was still fair to say she’d been a little devil this week. 

This evening you had finally managed to tempt her to sit in the high chair, she’d had about two mouthfuls when you heard Tom entering. Thats exactly what you needed, Tom to get her all over excited so she wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t go down and wouldn’t let you rest. In the madness of it all, you hadn’t managed to even attempt to clean up the sea of toys either so Tom would immediately have all your failings before his eyes. Just bloody great. 

“Where are my two beautiful girls?” 

Like clockwork, he’d always say it and Nova would always gurgle out a “dada” just as she did today. Though this time she kicked her legs in desperation, momentarily looking at you with the kindest eyes she’d given you the week. It was only because she wanted something, you knew that, yet you still gave in. With a sigh you stood up and unclipped her from the high chair, even if this was the first time in a good few days she’d been happily eating her dinner. Or rather, had taken the single first bite. 

She had something to show her Dad though. When he’d left she still didnt have certain skills, capabilities that only now she had learnt. Nova was very proud of her knew ability to kick things - recently discovered when you were attempting to put her shoes on to go to the supermarket. Instead, after 5 attempts of her impressively booting them across the room you’d surrendered - Nova walked round the shops barefoot (probably a bit irresponsible on your part but desperation calls). 

So now she giggled whilst hurtling through the room, as Tom rounded the corner in grey joggers and a black hoodie. You watched his eyes light up, whilst he knelt down at the door way to welcome your curly haired princess into his arms. With all her force, she barrelled into him , her little arms wrapping as far around his broad chest as she could. Immediately Tom reciprocated, pulling her up into his arms and swaying slightly side to side. 

“Hey little one, I missed you!” He was positively grinning from ear to ear as he rose the two of them up , pressing a quick peck to her unruly locks. 

Only then did he look up and survey the surrounding situation, you saw him track his eyes through the mess of toys on the floor, over the counter top piled high with dishes you hadn’t got round to doing and the bin that was overflowing because you just had kept putting off taking it out. It was so embarrassing that you daren’t to even look at him, instead focusing completely on mixing the now lukewarm mush you’d made for Nova round the bowl. Tom slowly picked his way through the hazardous floor, inspecting you closely. It honestly made him feel a pang of guilt, the way you looked beyond exhausted and run down - the dark shadows under your eyes only testament to that. 

“Hey darling.” He spoke softly, keeping Nova pressed to his chest in one arm while the other went to rub your side. “You okay?” Not wanting to disappoint him, you momentarily collected yourself before looking up at him with the a small smile.

“Yeh I’m good. How was the flight?” You knew Tom already saw past your attempt of small talk, the was his eyebrows furrowed slightly being the tell. But before he could question you further Nova started wriggling round in his hold, making him arch back to look at her. 

“Have you been a good girl for mummy little one?” Given your defeated look, Tom was pretty sure he already knew the answer - Nova chose instead of confirming either way to just wriggle some more as she shouted Dada. 

“What you doing crazy?” He chuckled rhetorically, bending down to let her out of his hold, where she then dragged him across the room to the foam mini ball she had. With her still slightly uncoordinated gait, she focused her eyes completely on the ball, her tongue slightly poking out the left corner of her mouth. Then with a forceful yelp she smashed the ball upwards and across the room, flying into a closed cupboard door before bouncing down to the floor. Expectantly Nova’s hazel eyes immediately then searched for her Dad’s - a massive smirk on her face. 

“NO WAY NOVA!!!” He shrieked, running and scooping her up once again, this time spinning her round so her legs flew out- her giggles enough to warm even the coldest heart of stone. “Your right foot is better than Manes!” He laughed, though neither girl in the room getting the football reference- Tom had long since given up hope of you getting invested in football, no matter how hard he had tried. “You’re gonna be the best little footballer Kingston has ever seen!” 

Nova seemed more than fulfilled with his praise, laughing and settling down in his hold whilst he straightened up glancing back at you again. 

“She’s learning so fast.” You mumbled up at him and Tom nodding, taking a seat in the chair next to you. 

“She’s got a pretty impressive teacher!” He tried so hard to perk you up, nudging your side as his gaze felt as though he was boring holes into you. 

Not knowing how to reply to his compliment you left it and the room faded to silence briefly, the atmosphere feeling rather uncomfortable for your marital home. 

“Do you mind finishing off her dinner if I take a shower?” You muttered under your breath, wanting an escape. 

Naturally Tom agreed, even if he watched you walk out the room with a worrisome expression on his face. He knew his job wasn’t easy for you at all. It had been hard enough when it has just the two of you, the long periods apart bore longer on you. Over the time Tom had been acting, he’d become somewhat used to these long periods of absence, it had just become the usual. But for you? You working a normal job meant it was harder. You couldn’t go on double dates with your friends - half the time you boyfriend was across a sea from you. Now though, with Nova, you’d lost someone you grew to depend on. Yes, it might only be for briefer periods of time but it still didn’t feel any easier.  He was effectively leaving you to be a single mother and although his family obviously endeavoured to support you in every way possible. It just wasn’t the same. 

So whilst Nova babbled excitedly her mostly gibberish in the highchair, Tom spent the time sweeping round the kitchen/diner , collecting up the toys into their boxes, loading up the dishwasher and wiping clean the surfaces - all whilst entertaining Nova with brief ‘no reallys’?” And “what ! That’s unbelievable’ and “so what did you tell them?” In response to her baby language babble. His fiery daughter was distracted by the food and one sided chat for all of 20 minutes, letting him just about finish up before she grew impatient of some more attention. 

“So what did you get up to then little miss nuisance?” He asked while wiping her mouth which was now smeared with her tomatoey gloop.

“Went park. Mummy made cookies!!”

“Cookies? No way can I have one?” He did honestly fancy the sound of a cookie, and after lifting her out the seat and onto his lap he looked round the kitchen in search of the baked goods.

“No.” She giggled with a mischievous twinkle in her eye “all gone!!”

“What?!?”

“All gone! Mummy and me drawed too look!” She pointed out the multicoloured scribble of uncoordinated lines spiralling together that had been stuck on the fridge. 

“Oooh that’s beautiful darling what else did you do?”

“Mummy and me played paw patrol! Mummy was silly!” Nova laughed at the memory, Tom squeezing her up into his chest again loving how bloody precious she was. 

“Why was mummy silly?” 

“She did Ryders voice! Mummy voice is better than Daddy’s!” 

“WHAT?!?” Shrieking in offence, Tom tickled her belly until she was squirming on the top of his thighs in fits of laughter, making Tom laugh away too. 

He truly loved his beautiful daughter. 

It took you a good couple of hours to venture downstairs, feeling for some ludicrous reason that you had to pluck up the courage. When you went down, you assumed that Nova had already passed out or was about to - the house was serene and quiet. So in your joggers and one of Tom’s big tees, you crept back down the stairs. Entering the kitchen first to get yourself a water and Tom a beer ( he never didn’t want a beer, especially after a long flight). As you entered, your feet seemed to loose their connection with you body making you halt jerkily, seeing the almost sparkling kithchen. All the toys and general clutter was gone from the floor; the dishes magically vanished, revealing a counter that you’d almost forgotten had existed. What you had done to deserve Tom was beyond you, yet you were so grateful - and  felt a flutter inside your chest as you went back out and into the living room. 

Tom had Nova sat on his thighs, though she was more like slumped against his chest as he tried to lull her to sleep with his deep voice quietly reading one of her superhero books. It had been unavoidable - she’d been indoctrinated into the world of Marvel before she could even talk, Tom insisting on wanting her to know that ‘she could be a superhero too if she wanted to’. The Spiderman baby grow, the captain marvel water bottle- the subtle nods to his roles where impossible to avoid in your house. His warm eyes briefly flicked up when he noticed you standing at the doorway, he paused his sentence to give you a warm smile and nod you over to the sofa beside him.  Still feeling a little self conscious, you stared at the floor while rounding the table and plonking yourself down next to him - allowing just a little gap of space. 

“Thanks for sorting the kitchen, I’m sorry-“

“Don’t worry at all darling” He arched over to you and pressed a quick peck to your forehead before Nova mewled in annoyance of her story being interrupted. He lightly chuckled, bringing the one hand that wasn’t holding the book to brush her unruly curls back off her head. 

Tom kept reading in his soft voice and you let your eyes slip close, just enjoying the peace that you hadn’t experienced in what felt like a lifetime as Tom’s voice lightly hummed through your head. That was until Nova decieded to interrupt the calm just once more. She grumbled insistently and squirmed in her Dads lap, before heavily pulling her head up and blinking at you - holding her arms out expectantly. 

“Think she wants her mum” Tom whispered, already lifting her over to you as you sat slightly bemused by the whole situation. Tom was home, her daddy was home, why did she want you? Tom laughed at your quizzical face as Nova burrowed her nose into you neck, letting out a contented huff. “My girls huh?”

“I promise you this is the first time this weekend she’s acknowledged me as anything more than mrs truchbull!”

“Well she’s spent all evening telling me about how good you are at baking and how your paw patrol voices are better than mine.” He murmured his words lowly, so as not to disturb Nova who was already asleep on your chest.

“She did?”

“She loves her mum… almost as much as I do” Chuckling, Tom wrapped his arm round you, pulling the both of you down to his chest while you swore your heart was exploding. 

“I love you too Tommy” 

Safe to say you and Nova were both exhausted, so after an almost shamefully short time your head rested heavier and heavier on Tom’s shoulder whilst he aimlessly carded his fingers through the ends of your hair. You really were an exceptionally amazing mother, before Nova Tom assumed he couldn’t love you anymore and yet seeing you cuddled up to his baby girl - his feelings for you could only grow infinitely. Making the executive decision to not move either of you upstairs to bed, he instead reached over to grab the blanket. He draped it over himself and his two best girls, choosing to stay in that magical moment for as long as possible. 

He loved his beautiful family of three.

And tess … Tess too ;)

[bibbawrites]

Surprise! - Dad!Owen x Pregnant!Female Reader

Request: NONE

Word Count: 2133 words

Summary: Part 2 of the Dad!Owen series, you reveal to your friends and family that you’re having a baby

Warnings: swearing

A/N: okay here we go, telling your friends and family that you’re pregnant!  as i said in a post the other day, i didnt realise that on survey monkey you could only see 40 results for free so the baby name survey had to end, but if you didnt get a chance to vote and would like to please let me know and i can set up an alternate way to vote :) without further ado, i hope you enjoy! 

Charlie:

The first person who ended up finding out about your pregnancy was Charlie. You had meant to tell your families first, before anyone else, but things didn’t work out as planned.

It was three days after you had found out, and you and Owen were still buzzing. Charlie had been eyeing the two of you suspiciously the last few days, but didn’t call you out on your oddly happy behaviour until that night.

The boys had come home from set, only filming for a couple of hours to re-shoot a scene that needed changing slightly, and you decided to surprise them with pizza from all three of your favourite pizza place. Owen always texted you when they left set, so you knew exactly when to order the pizza to have it arrive just as the boys did.

And your timing was perfect, the pizza arriving almost in unison with your boyfriend and his best friend.

“Y/N, we’re home! You ordered pizza?” Owen called, and you left your bedroom to head to the kitchen, smiling at the boys.

“Figured you could use a treat after filming. Plus I didn’t feel like cooking, so...” You grinned, wrapping your arms around Owen, who lent down to kiss you gently, his hand resting on your stomach for a brief moment before he pulled away, not wanting Charlie to get any more suspicious.

You and Owen headed over to the table where Charlie had placed the pizza and sat down, waiting for Charlie, who had gone to grab drinks.

“Do you want your wine Y/N?” Charlie questioned, placing a beer on the table for himself and one for Owen. You shook your head.

“No thanks, I’m good.” You replied.

“But you love wine with your pizza.” Charlie frowned.

“Not tonight, thanks.” You said, hoping that he would give up.

“Are you feeling okay?” He asked. You nodded.

“Yeah I am.” You told him, picking up a slice of pizza and exchanging a look with Owen, silently begging him to step in.

“She’s got this... thing.” Owen chimed in lamely. Charlie frowned again, before a realisation hit him.

“Holy fuck, you’re pregnant.” He exclaimed. Your eyes widened. Owen choked on his beer.

“What? Why would you think that?” Your voice was slightly shaky.

“You always have wine with pizza, no matter what. And that would explain why you two have been so nauseatingly happy the last couple of days.” Charlie reasoned. You glanced at Owen.

“You can’t tell anyone.” You said after a moment. Charlie’s smile widened.

“So you are pregnant?” He asked, and you nodded. He cheered.

“I’m gonna be an uncle!” You giggled at his excited reaction, watching as he hugged Owen happily, and then rushed around the table to throw his arms around you.

He pulled away, placing a hand on your stomach hesitantly. You gave him a reassuring smile.

“I can’t believe there’s a baby in there.” He said softly, kneeling down next to your chair. Owen copied, kneeling down on the other side.

“Right?” Owen’s voice was just as quiet. “My little girl.”

“We don’t know if it’s a girl Owen.” You reminded him. He shook his head.

“I just know it. There’s no way she’s not a girl.” He replied, and you rolled your eyes slightly.

“Can we go back to eating the pizza now?” You said, and the boys agreed, standing up and sitting back in their chairs.

And with that, the first person knew.

Savannah:

The second person to find out was Savannah. You had been pretty sick, dealing with morning sickness, so Savannah decided what you needed was a little bit of retail therapy. 

Which is how you found yourself trailing behind your best friend as she dragged you from store to store. And everything had been going perfectly fine, until you passed a smoked meat store, and the smell set off your nausea. 

“Sav, I think I’m gonna be sick.” You warned, and she reacted quickly, rushing you into the nearby bathrooms and holding your hair back as you emptied the contents of your stomach into the toilet. 

Once you were done you leant back against the wall of the stall, not even caring that you were sat on the floor of a public toilet. Savannah offered you her water bottle and you took it gratefully, swishing the water around your mouth before spitting it into the bowl and flushing the toilet. 

“Are you okay? You’ve been pretty sick and I’m kinda getting worried about you.” Savannah questioned. You paused for a moment, before deciding how to respond. Hopefully Owen wouldn’t mind another person knowing your secret. 

“I’m pregnant.” You admitted quietly, not wanting anyone in another stall to overhear. Savannah gasped, throwing her arms around your neck. You hugged her back gently. 

“This is amazing Y/N.” She exclaimed. “I can’t believe I’m gonna be an aunty!” 

“You can’t tell anyone yet, other than Owen only Charlie knows.” You told her as she let you go. She nodded quickly. 

“Your secret’s safe with me.” She promised. You grinned, letting her pull you off the floor. 

“Now, can we go look at baby clothes?” Savannah questioned once you were both on your feet. You smiled happily. 

“Of course we can.” You agreed, linking your arm through hers as you headed out of the toilets, so excited that you had another person who you could talk about baby things with. 

Owen’s Mum/Family:

Next was Owen’s mum, who had come to visit for a few days. You had thought of a brilliant way to tell her, after hearing how much she enjoyed building with nano blocks. 

You had gone out before Owen had arrived home from the airport with his mum, and you had picked out the perfect present, wrapping it nicely. 

Finally the time came to give her the parcel, as she sat across from you and Owen in the living room later that night. 

Owen handed her the box, the card you had written on to clarify the situation grasped firmly in his hand as he waited anxiously, his foot tapping.

His mother ripped off the wrapping paper, finding a box of large lego blocks, the kind designed for babies and small children. She looked up, confused, and Owen held out the card.

“Read it out loud.” You prompted.

She took the card, opening the envelope and pulling it out, before opening it up.

“I can’t wait to build with you. Lots of love, your future granddaughter or grandson.” She read out. She gasped, looking between the two of you.

“Are you having a baby?” She questioned. You and Owen nodded. Her hand covered her mouth as she began to cry.

“I'm gonna be an Oma?” She asked, as Owen got up from his spot next to you to go hug his mother.

“You can be whatever you want to be called.” He replied. His mother smiled tearily, holding an arm out for you to join the hug. You grinned, sitting down on her other side and letting her pull you into the hug.

“Can I tell the rest of the family?” She asked, still in the hug.

“Maybe don’t tell everyone yet, cause we’re only 10 weeks, but you can tell Dad and Luka, and everyone else I guess. Just no extended family.” Owen replied.

“Okay I can do that. Congratulations, both of you.” She said, and you both thanked her in quiet voices. 

She stood up, grabbing the box of lego and the card. 

“I’m off to bed if I can manage to sleep. Tomorrow we’re going nursery furniture shopping.” She told you, and before either of you could protest she was gone. 

“Well that went well.” You giggled and Owen nodded in agreement. 

“Three down, only a few more to go.” He said. You made a noise in agreement, snuggling into his side to watch a movie, and you fell asleep with his hands resting gently on your stomach.

Your Family:

Next to learn about the baby was your family. To tell them you had sent them a parcel, with the instructions to call you on facetime before opening it.

You, Owen and Charlie were curled up on the couch, Owen’s head resting just below your stomach and Charlie’s head in your lap, when your phone rang, signifying you had an incoming facetime.

Owen sat up and picked up your phone, handing it to you before curling into your side, and you smiled when you saw it was your mum calling.

“I assume they got the box then.” You spoke before answering, your mum, dad and big brother appearing on the screen.

“Hi guys!” You greeted. “Got the parcel?”

“We did, can we open it now?” Your mum questioned. Charlie glanced at you.

“Want me to leave?” He asked quietly, and both you and Owen shook your heads.

“You can stay.” Owen said softly. You turned your attention back to your family.

“Okay, open it.” You instructed, and your dad ripped the box open, pulling out four smaller boxes, one for each of them and a fourth, which was one of the positive pregnancy tests.

“One at a time?” Your mum suggested and you shook your head.

“Same time, or it will ruin the surprise.”

You watched as they ripped into the boxes, each pulling out a t-shirt.

“Promoted to Nanna?” Your mum read out, a confused look on her face.

“Mine says promoted to Poppy.” Your dad said. You grinned, waiting for the penny to drop.

“Oh shit, you’re not.” Your brother realised, and you laughed.

“Open the last box.”

“How have they not gotten it?” Charlie questioned under his breath, and Owen giggled at the comment.

Your mum pulled the pregnancy test out and gasped, finally realising.

“You’re having a baby!” She exclaimed.

“Surprise!” You laughed.

“When?” Your dad asked.

“Not for a while now, I’m only 11 weeks.”

“Congratulations!” Your mum smiled happily. 

You returned her smile and after a few more minutes explaining, you said your goodbyes and hung up. 

“Now it’s only the cast.” You said, and Owen nodded, repositioning himself so that his head rested next to Charlie’s in your lap. Charlie unpaused the movie you had been watching and you rested your head on the couch. 

This whole thing was getting very real. 

The Cast - Jeremy, Madi, Carolynn, Jadah and Kenny

Finally the time came to tell the cast.

“So, what do you guys think about having a baby around on set?” You questioned casually. Carolynn gasped and Jeremy shot her a concerned look.

“Babies are pretty loud.” Madi replied.

“Yeah, they probably wouldn’t be good to have when you have to be quiet on set.” Jadah agreed. You bit your lip to stop yourself from laughing. You met Carolynn’s eyes and she gave you an excited look. You nodded slightly and she squealed, ignoring the weird looks she was getting from Jeremy.

“Why are we talking about babies?” Kenny questioned, sitting back down.

“Y/N asked about babies being on set.” Jadah told him.

“As in working babies or?” Kenny asked and you shook your head.

“Just babies in general.” Owen chimed in.

“Wait...” Madi spoke up, realisation slowly appearing on her face. “Are you pregnant?”

You grinned sheepishly, taking a sip of your drink. The table erupted in noise, everyone excitedly talking over each other, asking all sorts of questions.

“Oh my god shut up.” Charlie yelled over the noise, and the table went quiet. “One at a time.”

“How far along are you?” Carolynn asked.

“12 weeks yesterday.” You replied.

“How long have you known?” Jadah was next to ask her question.

“About 6 weeks.” Owen answered for you. “We wanted to wait a bit.”

“I knew the whole time.” Charlie boasted.

“Only because you live with us and there’s no way we would have been able to hide it from you.” You told him.

“When do you find out if it’s a boy or a girl?” Madi asked.

“She’s a girl.” Owen said. You groaned.

“Stop saying that. We don’t know yet and we won’t know for a little while, but Mr Psychic here seems to be convinced that it’s a girl.” You sighed slightly. 

“I just know it.” Owen said with a huff. 

“Any more questions?” You asked quickly, before he could get sulky. 

“I have one, do you know what a condom is?” Jeremy joked. Madi and Jadah gasped, both hitting his arm.

“We are children.” Jadah reminded him. You laughed.

“Yes.” You answered simply. Jeremy laughed. 

“Fair enough then.” 

You sat back and listened as the conversation moved into baby names, with everyone throwing out suggestions. 

You smiled softly, placing a hand on your stomach. Somehow this had become your life, and you wouldn’t change it for the world. 

[marvel-sluts]

please don't go.

request: Can I request prompts 3. Please don't go & 16. Enemies to lovers with Tom Holland? 😊 - @palna (sorry it won't let me tag you)

prompt list

pairing: Tom Holland x reader

warnings: swearing, emotional abuse, angst, fluff

summary: you worked with Tom on set and ever since the first day he hated you. one day he overhears a phone call between you and your Dad, making him feel horrible for how he treated you.

a/n: im planning on making a masterlist soon so look out for it! anyway, enjoy lovlies!

***********

you opened the door to your apartment after a hard day at work. flopping onto the sofa and turning on the TV, not really paying attention to the six o'clock news.

that bloody Holland kid thinks he has the right to make your life a living hell. from the moment you met him he hated you.

you walk into the room flashing a smile to the people in there. you had been chosen to play a part in the new spider man movie. having quite a few successful movies under your belt you were well known.

you went round shaking hands with people, each one of them greeting you with a small smile and a hello. that was until you reached a certain individual.

"hi, I'm y/n" you say holding out you hand.

he looked you up and down with a grimace and looked at your outstretched hand, taking it in his and shaking it roughly.

"Holland, Tom Holland."

the buzz of you phone wakes you from your trance and you looked down to see your best friends name flash on the screen.

you quickly answer the phone and her voice can be heard throughout the room.

"sorry to bother you like this y/n but can we go out tonight? I had a shit day at work and need someone to take my mind off of it." she said.

"you read my mind, where do you want to go?" you ask, relieved to have an excuse to leave the house.

"how about the bar down the road from your house?" she said.

"sure, let me get changed out of my clothes first."

"okay I will be at your house in half an hour." she said hanging up the phone.

you run up the stairs and put on a black skirt and a pink shirt, touching up your makeup from filming and pulling on a pair of boots.

a few minutes later b/f/n (best friends name) rings the doorbell of your apartment and you go to greet her.

you reached the bar and grabbed one of the only remaining tables.

"so, what made your day so shitty?" you asked taking a sip of your gin.

"just my dickhead of a manager. he has given me about 5 projects and is expecting them all done by next week." she sighs rolling her eyes at you.

you snort into your drink "like your gonna get all of that done in such a short amount of time." you say.

"I know right. anyway whats going on with you?" she asked, knowing something was up. "is it that Holland guy again? I swear to god I will punch his nose in if he's done anything to you." she said, knowing how much he bothers you.

"there is nothing that you can do. he just gets on my nerves. I don't know what his deal is with me." you say.

"what does he do?"

"glares at me alot, won't speak to me unless its to criticise what I'm doing and just overall makes my life miserable." you say with a sigh.

"and you dad...?" b/f/n asked.

"same as usual, he still hates me and continues to tell me how much of a failure I am." you say rolling your eyes. your dad was a dick, you and him had never gotten on.

"I know, you just have to ignore him. he just doesn't see how amazing you are." she said smiling at you.

"I guess..."

after a few hours of talking and forgetting your problems. b/f/n drove you home.

after getting undressed you collapsed on your bed, exhausted. falling asleep within seconds.

******

you woke up with a start and checked your phone. shit. you had slept through your alarm and you were going to be late for filming.

quickly pulling on clothes and fixing your hair and makeup you ran to your car and got to set only 15 minutes late.

"oh here she is, finally decided to show up did you?" came a chastising voice.

you sighed, knowing immediately who it was, choosing to ignore the comment you walked to your trailer.

the hair and makeup team quickly got to work on you, making you look amazing within minutes.

after throwing a quick thanks over your shoulder, you rushed to set and got told what scene they were filming and where to stand.

half an hour later you heard a "and cut, great job guys. go and get read for the next scene."

you quickly checked your script and realised that you were needed for the next scene, opting to go to your trailer and wait to be called.

suddenly your phone rang, making you jump. you picked it up before checking who it was, assuming it was b/f/n.

"oh you've finally decided to stop ignoring my calls have you?"

shit, it was your Dad. "hey dad, and for the record I wasn't ignoring them. I was working."

"yeah, what job again? that acting thing of yours? how many times y/n, thats not a job."

"okay" you whispered quietly, just wanting this to be over.

"your such a worthless bitch you know that? even your Mum thought that before she died. it was probably you who killed her. admit it y/n. you killed her." he said, trying to press your buttons.

"how many times Dad, the doctors said that she died of a heart attack. it wasn't me." you say.

"pfft, your just covering for yourself. how about you buy me a new house to make up for it?"

"Dad, I just bought you a new house, and a new car. surely you can't need anything bigger." you say, knowing he is just using you but feeling guilty for saying no nevertheless.

"well I want new house, maybe somewhere by the sea. or some big mansion." he said.

"but Dad i was planning on giving some of that money to charity and the rest was going to s/n (siblings name) school fund. so that they can go to a good school."

"fuck s/n, I want a new house. and if you don't then you really would be as fucking annoying as your mother. your no good for anything." he said, hanging up the phone.

a tear trickled down your face. you should have known all he wanted was a new house, new car. why not get a new fucking kid while he's at it. you bought him a new car last month and a new house the month before that, surely he doesn't need another one.

a knock was heard on the door of the trailer that you had accidentally left open. you spun around to see Tom, worry etched across his face. he walked into your trailer.

"hey y/n, are you okay?" he asked, putting a hand on your arm.

"get off of me" you say, shrugging him off. "why would you care anyway, you've had this grudge against me ever since I started here."

Tom's face fell. "I'm sorry y/n I didnt mean to treat you like that."

"then what did you mean to treat me like because it was pretty damn obvious that you hated me. everyone saw it." you said.

"it wasn't you." he said looking down shamefully.

"look if this is about what you overheard with my Dad, don't worry about it. don't tell anyone and continue treating me like shit." you say, turning away from him again.

"no y/n what I overheard made me feel really guilty for treating you how I did. what I did was wrong and it wasn't your fault for how I treated you." he said, grabbing you and forcing you to look at him.

"then why did you do that to me?" you asked, confused.

"just before we started filming me and my girlfriend had broken up, she was toxic and would hit me and scream at me." he said, tears clouding his vision. "the day we started filming was the day I ended it with her, so I wasn't in the best mood. but when you walked in I could of sworn it was her. your hair and eyes are similar but your face is completely different."

"so from a distance I looked like her?" you asked, beginning to put the peices together in your head.

"yes. you had such a kind personality, always caring about others and everyone else loved you. but I couldn't get it out of my head. I guess that's why I treated you so badly, because you looked so much like her."

"Tom you could have just said something, I would have understood." you say, looking at him.

"I know I'm sorry." he said. "how are you, what happened with your Dad?" he asked.

"he keeps asking for new stuff, I just bought him a new house but he wants another one, and he wants a new car when he has the newest model. but at the same time he's always telling me how worthless and stupid I am, and how this acting thing isn't a proper job." you say, "maybe I'm just being selfish."

"no y/n, your not being selfish. I heard what you wanted to put that money towards instead of buying him stuff that he doesn't need. a selfish person wouldn't give to charity and help with paying for s/n schooling."

"are you sure?" you asked, doubt seeping in.

"very sure." he said, "is there anything you need, I could say that you are ill or something, give you some time to think over what happened with your Dad?"

"no I'm okay." you say.

"how about you come round to mine after work, we could talk everything out."

"yeah okay, I'd like that."

******

after filming was over, you drove over to Tom's apartment. he answered the door quickly and let you in.

you sat down on his sofa and admired the little things he had "borrowed" from the sets of different movies.

"do you want a drink?" he called from the kitchen.

"can I have a f/d (favourite drink) please?" you call back.

"sure."

he came back in with your drink and a coke for him.

"look about what happened today with my Dad, I never meant for you to overhear that and I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone." you say, looking down at your drink.

"your secrets safe with me, and if you don't mind me saying. your Dad is a bit of a dick." he said, smiling kindly at you.

"tell me about it." you laughed. "he's been like that ever since I can remember, he's always favoured my siblings over me." you say bitterly.

"well don't tell them but I prefer you." Tom said, trying to cheer you up a bit. "and I'm glad I overheard that conversation, because it made me think about I had treated you. and I'm starting to think that there was maybe another reason I didn't like you." he said sheepishly.

"and whats that?" you ask.

"I kind of liked you. I still do. after what happened with my last relationship I was scared I guess but I don't want to fuck anything up. I really like you y/n, I never meant to treat you like I did but I was pushing you away so that I didn't fall further than I already have." he said, blushing furiously.

"well Tom, maybe I like you too. thats why it hurt so much when you were horrible to me." you say. "do you just like me because I look like her?"

"no no no, that's not it at all. I like you because you have this sort of aura around you, people love you and your so nice to people." he said. "I like you because of your personality, the fact that you look slightly like a toxic ex has nothing to do with it." he added as an afterthought.

"aura?" you asked, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion.

"yeah, people sort of want to protect the innocence you radiate. your aura makes everyone love you and it's how your smile brightens up a room and how you look when the sunlight hits your features." he said, gently placing his hand on your cheek, forcing you to look up at him.

"I'm sorry for how I treated you, and it's my fault, but maybe we can start again?" he asked.

"okay." you say smiling up at him. before pulling away from his hand and sticking out your own. "y/n y/l/n, nice to meet you." you say.

"Tom Holland, pleasure." he said shaking your hand.

you turned around as the shrill sound of your phone broke the brief silence, checking the called ID this time you saw Dad appear on the screen. you look over at Tom in fear, showing him the screen.

"answer him y/n, maybe he wants to apologise. and I'll be right here with you" Tom said, flashing you a reassuring smile.

"okay" you said picking up the phone and putting it on speaker so that Tom could hear better. motioning to him to be quiet, him nodding in response.

"hi Dad." the fear in your voice evident.

"how's the new house you were going to buy me coming along? don't forget I want a big one." he said.

"actually Dad, I've thought about it and I just bought you a new car and house. the money is going towards s/n schooling and charity. I don’t think that you need anything else." you say, smiling weakly at Tom who gave you a thumbs up. egging you on.

"I don't care what you think, I'm your parent and you should listen to me. you are such a selfish bitch I don't even know why I bothered with you." he spat down the phone. "you are just a waste of space and I don't know how you made all of this money, who would ever want to employ you?"

"Dad you're not guilt tripping me into buying anything for you like you did last time. I'm not doing it." you say, tears beginning to cloud your vision. Tom noticed this and put his hand on your leg gently. in order to calm you down.

"you're such a fucking bitch. I never want to see or hear you again." he spat, hanging up.

as soon as he had hung up the phone, tears started falling down your face. Tom reached up and wiped away some of your tears before pulling you into his chest.

"hey hey hey, it's okay calm down." he said kissing your forehead and pulling you back into his arms.

"he hates me and its all my fault." you choke out before collapsing into tears again.

"its not your fault, your Dad is just being selfish and is only using you for your money. don't listen to him." he said, stroking your hair to comfort you.

"do you want me to go and get you something? ice cream maybe?" Tom asked.

"no, please don't go. I need you." you say.

"okay, I'm right here love. don't worry I'm not going anywhere." he said.

eventually you fell asleep, with his arms around you and your head on his chest. before Tom drifted off he kissed your temple and whispered "I'm so sorry y/n, I love you."

[brelione]

Now That You’re Gone (The Best Boys)

Series Masterlist

NOT MY GIF

warnings:mentions of drugs, death, not proof read.also im pretty sure this is the longest chapter in the series.

 You didnt really remember coming back inside, waking up on the kitchen floor with your phone playing some random playlist.You slowly got up, looking into the living room.Rafe and Kelce were missing, Topper on the floor with his legs on the couch, drool on his chin.

You groaned, stumbling upstairs. “Kelce?”You called out, wondering if he had left. “WHAT?”He shouted from your bedroom, holding one of your pillows to his chest. “Nothing.”You replied, opening the door of the guest room as you searched for Rafe.

He was half asleep, eyes closing every couple of seconds as he stared at his phone, not even unlocking it yet. “Rafe?”You asked.He hummed, opening his eyes all the way. “Wha??”He asked, clearing his throat. “Just making sure you’re awake.”You replied, making your way back downstairs.

You didnt even question why Kelce was sleeping on your bed or why Topper was sleeping in the position that he was.It didnt seem that weird to you.But you couldnt understand why you had woken up on your kitchen floor with your phone playing music, feeling how hot the screen was.It had to have been playing for hours.You went to your texts, frowning when you saw a whole conversation that you couldnt recall having.

Unknown:She passed away this morning, the service is gonna be in mid august in venice.

You:What’d she pass from?

Unknown:Stroke.

You:Why is the service going to be so far from now?

Unknown:Cremation

You:wtf she never wanted cremation

Unknown:Thats what she said she wanted

You didnt need any context to know exactly what he was talking about.You werent surprised either, not feeling anything.You werent even shocked.You just sat there for a minute, letting out a sigh before checking all your other notifications.

Money was being transferred into your bank account, already having an additional 30k.You didnt even want to go to the funeral, it was stupid anyways.She had just left you like the selfish bitch she was.You got off the floor, going back up into your room.Kelce was more awake now, sitting up and scrolling through his instagram.

 “You okay?”He asked, noticing how you were walking a bit sideways almost like you were drunk.You hummed, opening your drawers and pulling out the first thing you saw.You quickly pulled off the shirt you were already wearing, too tired and disoriented to care that you werent wearing anything under it and that you were covered in hickies.

Kelce shriekedk, burying his face into the pillow.You ignored him, pulling on some baggy jeans. “Are you done?”He asked, voice muffled by the pillow. “My mom’s dead.”You replied, shrugging your shoulders.He frowned, looking up at you and studying your face, trying to figure out if you were serious.

 “Im sorry, sunshine.You okay?”He asked, opening his arms.You nodded, hugging him. “Yeah...its just...I dont know, is its bad that I dont miss her?It just feels wrong.”You admitted.Kelce nodded, understanding. 

“No, no, its fine, babes.She wasnt in your life that much so its totally normal.I think its good that you’re not upset, it means that you let go of that toxic part of your life.”He squeezed your shoulder lightly.You nodded, not sure if you believed him or not. 

“Yeah, I guess.”You shrugged, pulling out of the hug. “Im gonna go downstairs.”You told him, leaving your room and going down the steps, seeing Topper now completely on the floor.His eyes opened, looking up at you. “Hi.”He grinned, flipping onto his stomach.

You just looked down at him before heading into your kitchen, opening your fridge and pouring yourself a cup of juice, grabbing your vitamins and downing them with a sip of juice, sitting at your kitchen table.Topper frowned, getting up and stretching his long limbs, cracking his knuckles before coming up behind you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

You just sighed, leaning your head against his arm. “Did you sleep okay?”He asked, trying to figure out what was off about you.You just shrugged, looking up at him. “Did you sleep in one of the guest rooms?”He asked.You shook your head, turning in your seat so you could rest your arms on the chair.

His face wasnt far away from yours now, his casted arm resting on the chair as well. “Are the boys still asleep?”He asked. “Nope.”You answered.He glanced over at the staircase, almost like he was making sure they werent watching him. 

“Do you wanna do something today?”He asked, kissing your forehead lightly. “Like what?”You asked, not sure what he was planning in his mind. “I dunno...do you want to drive?”He suggested, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

You raised your eyebrows, surprised he’d even suggest such a thing. “Drive where?”You asked, curious.He shrugged, biting on his bottom lip. “We could go to Barnes and Noble or to Dunkin Donuts...we could go thrifting or rock hunting.”He grinned, tapping his fingers along the chair.You didnt know why it happened or why you got the sudden urge to do what you did, leaning up and kissing him.

He was surprised at first, freezing up for a moment before calming himself, his fingers lightly grazing your waist.He pulled back for a second, biting his lip and taking in a deep breath.You didnt say anything, messing around with his hair.

He let out a soft sigh, leaning down again, kissing you gently.Rafe made his way down the stairs, glancing into the kitchen before doing a double take, eyes widening.He just stood there for a second, gripping the railing.He quickly turned around, heading back upstairs.Fucking hell.You pulled away from Topper, his thumb running over your cheekbone, his face a bit pink. “So...Barnes and Noble?”You asked.

Topper jogged upstairs, grabbing his wallet, turning around and seeing Rafe standing in the doorway of the guest room. “Topper, why?”Rafe asked, sighing.Topper raised his eyebrows. “Why what?”He asked, feeling himself tense up. 

“You cant-you cant just….”Rafe muttered, realising there wasnt much he could say.THe two of you werent official, he wasnt allowed to be mad.Topper walked past him, heading towards your bedroom to talk to Kelce. “(Y/N) and I are heading to the bookstore, you want anything?”Topper asked.Kelce raised his eyebrows, looking down at his phone.

 “Did she tell you what happened?”Kelce asked.Topper shook his head, confused. “Her mum died...dont tell her that I told you, I think she needs a good distraction.”Kelce got up, patting Topper on the shoulder.Kelce was heading towards Rafe, figuring that he should know too.

 “Why wouldnt she want Topper and I to know?”Rafe asked.Kelce shrugged, not knowing an actual answer.THat explained why you started showing a ton of affection towards Topper, you just needed something to occupy your mind.But Rafe could occupy your mind so much better.What did Topper have that Rafe didnt?Blonde hair?

You werent as nervous to drive anymore, knowing to take the back roads.Topper had the volume of the radio at 5, playing some music from his old study playlist.It was mainly indie music and anything that made him feel like a main character even though he would never admit it.

He was looking out his window at the passing trees, looking over to you every couple of seconds.The Barnes and Noble in Outer Banks was on the smaller side since not a lot of people went to it.You pulled into the parking lot, letting out a sigh of relief. “You okay?”Topper chuckled, reaching over and squeezing your hand. “Yeah.”You replied, smiling at him.

THe two of you entered the store, seeing the table of best sellers and new releases.He gripped your hand tightly, guiding you over to the fantasy section.His other arm was resting in his sling, looking over the different titles. “I know that they have a uh….uh….shit.Loki!They have a Loki book!”He exclaimed, proud of himself.You smiled, your thumb tapping his palm as your eyes scanned over all the book covers.You turned around, looking at the other shelf when something else caught your eye.

“Rafe-are you serious right now?I thought you were trying to get clean!”Kelce exclaimed, seeing the other lines that Rafe had prepared for himself.Rafe shrugged, leaning down towards the countertop when Kelce smacked the side of his head.

 “RAFE!What the hell is wrong with you?Put the bill down, now.”Kelce demanded.Rafe glared at him for a moment, tossing the twenty onto the countertop before stepping back. “What?”Rafe asked, taking in a deep breath. “Talk to me, man.You’re doing this for a reason, right?Why dont you just tell me the reason.”Kelce suggested, sitting down at the counter across from Rafe. 

“FUCKING TOPPPER IS THE REASON, ALRIGHT?”Rafe shouted, slamming his fists down. “HE’S NOT RIGHT FOR HER!HES NOT!AND I COME DOWN STAIRS AND HES ALL OVER HERE AND ITS FUCKING DISGUSTING!HE GETS ALL FUCKING PISSED WHENEVER IM AROUND HER BUT WHENEVER HE DOES IT ITS FINE.AND-AND NOW I CANT-I CANT BE ALONE AGAIN!HE CANT TAKE HER AWAY!”Rafe shouted, his voice getting squeaky and his eyes getting watery. “And I know-I know that I cant be mad at him but its so hard!Do you think she even cares about me?Like at all?”Rafe asked, hands shaking as he reached for the dollar bill again.

Kelce gripped his wrist, shaking his head. “Rafe, dont.You cant just snort some coke and have all your problems go away.She does care about you, I can promise you that.But its not her job to constantly validate you, you gotta do that for yourself.And we cant be dependent on her all the time, its not good for her and its not good for any of us.I shouldnt have done what i did last night but to be honest I think we were all in the wrong.This cant tear us all apart and be honest with yourself, you knew this would happen too.I always knew she was gonna have to pick one of us, I fucking knew it.Theres no way we can all be happy, everyones gonna be upset no matter what and as much as it sucks its the truth.But is coke gonna fix any of that?No.”Kelce finished, staring back at Rafe.

He was speechless, a few tears slipping down his face. “Im pretty sure she doesnt even want a relationship.Dont tell her that I told you this, okay?But….in the hospital elevator she told me that she didnt want to date you.I dont think she wants to date anyone and we’re gonna have to respect that.Fuck, im contradicting myself, arent I?I doesnt matter.I dont think any of us are stable to be in a relationship, we’re all so fucked up right now.”Kelce thought out loud, letting out a sigh. 

“Kelce.”Rafe choked out, taking in a shaky breath.Kelce raised his eyebrows, not sure what to expect. “The thing that (Y/N) and I have isnt the same as the thing you guys have.After yesterday I thought-I thought she saw me different, you know?I just...I thought I was special.”Rafe muttered, pinching his nostrils shut.Kelce frowned, not really understanding. “What did you do yesterday?”Kelce asked, thinking of all the possibilities and hoping he wasnt right.Rafe huffed, trembling as he spoke. “We slept together.”He replied, watching Kelce’s eyes widen, jaw dropping.

You and Topper stood in line, seeing his eyes widen when he saw Pope Heyward and JJ Maybank only a few feet away, the two of them bickering as they looked at notebooks.Topper almost let a rude comment slip out, reminding himself that he was with you.

JJ looked over his shoulder, smacking Pope when he saw the two of you. “Pope, Pope, Pope!Look-its (Y/N).”JJ grinned, looking back over to you.You squeezed Topper’s hand, looking over to JJ and flashing him a small smile. 

“Hi, JJ.”You spoke quietly, not wanting to be too loud in a bookstore. “Hi.”He waved, biting his lip before looking back down at the notebooks. “Hi.”Pope nodded, embarrassed.Topper didnt say anything, tapping his foot.The two pogues rushed off, laughing quietly.

You and Topper got back into your car, satisfied with the books and movies you two had picked out.He wanted to get the first movie he saw that just happened to be The Outsiders.You found a few realistic fiction books, deciding to get them along with a small raccoon plushie and a dinosaur bookmark for Kelce.

You ddint know why you had picked them, figuring it would make them smile.The two of you just sat in the car for a few minutes, not really ready to leave the parking lot yet. “Hey, do you wanna draw on my cast later?”He asked, becoming bored of looking at the same bland, bulky cast that clung to his arm.You nodded, carefully grabbing his hand.

Your palm was over his cast, his fingers closing around yours with a small smile on his face.The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes before you started up your car, Topper removing his hand from yours so you could drive properly.

He was playing the same song on loop for hours, hoping you wouldnt notice.He didnt know why he liked it so much, the beat and the overall vibe of it calmed him.Of course you noticed, starting to wonder how long the song was that it could be going on for fifteen minutes straight.

You didnt have a problem with it, glad that it calmed him and that it wasnt a terrible song.

He was half asleep, deciding to open one of the books you got, rereading the same line eleven times.He yawned, reading it again.He could never understand how you could keep up with storylines so well when you couldnt even remember something that had happened just last week.

You were driving ten under the speed limit, carefully pulling into your driveway. “You did a good job.”Topper kissed your forehead lightly, smiling.He lingered for a second, glancing down at your lips.

You rested your forehead against his, your thumb rubbing little circles along the side of his neck.He slowly leaned forward, pulling away a second later.His hand made its way to the back of your neck, kissing you again.

He wasnt as nervous this time but was still pretty nervous, not wanting to mess up or embarass himself.You were the one to pull away this time, taking in a deep breath. “We should go inside.”You told him, messing around with the hair on the back of his head.

He nodded, not moving yet.You eventually let go of him, taking your keys out and grabbing your Barnes and Noble bag, getting out of the car.He came with you, seeing Kelce and Rafe sitting in the kitchen, seeming to be in a deep conversation that had been interrupted by your entrance. “Hey.”You grinned at them, putting your bag down on the counter.

Rafe couldnt even bring himself to smile, feeling too exhausted.You pouted, trying to figure out what was wrong.His eyes were slightly puffy, his lips slightly red like he had been biting at them.He had been crying for a reason that you couldnt quite place, not wanting to push him to tell you what had happened.

Instead you reached into the bag, pulling out the plushie and pushing it into his chest before he could see exactly what it was.He looked down at it, laughing quietly.It had large, purple glittery eyes and a little tag with a link to a website.

He grabbed your waist, pulling you so that he could rest his head on your stomach.You gulped, sucking in your gut ever so slightly and hoping that he wouldnt notice.You raised your eyebrows at Kelce, looking down at Rafe, trying to ask silently what had happened.Kelce simply shook his head, placing a finger over his lips.

You nodded, running your fingers through Rafes hair, dragging your fingertips down his jaw, the bridge or his nose and his temple, feeling his arms getting tired as he relaxed, now draped around your hips.Topper sat down on the couch, holding the dvd in his hands as he waited for a time to watch it.

Rafe loved having you around, his breathing getting steady as you massaged his scalp.He knew that it was wrong to want to be in your arms when you had been kissing another guy but you just took such good care of him, of everyone.

You reached over to the bag, throwing the book mark at Kelce’s face. “Thanks.”He smiled, looking at all the little dinosaurs.He didnt read physical books too often but he always loved getting something new to add to his (Y/N) box. 

“Can you guys please come watch this movie with me?”Topper asked, peeling at his cuticles.Kelce got up, looking over to you and Rafe before nodding towards Topper, wanting to make sure that you two didnt get too caught up with eachother.

Kelce took the dvd from Kelce, putting it into your dvd player and switching the HDMI before sitting down on the couch, surprised when you chose to cuddle up next to him.He was relieved that you werent hesitant about giving them affection now that you knew the truth, resting his hand on your back.

Rafe rested at the end of the couch, poking at your knee cap, a grin on his face as he tried to annoy you.Topper sat on the floor, his head against the couch so you could reach out and fluff of his golden locks if you wanted to.The credits were at the beginning of the movie, all of you guys remaining quiet as you watched the screen.

 “Didnt we read this book in 7th grade?”Topper asked, putting the pieces together.You hummed, tapping Kelce’s chest. “Nope, I read it to you guys while you pretended to listen.”You corrected.Once Dally showed up on screen all the boys had turned to look at you, waiting for you to fall in love. 

“Come on, (Y/N)!Isnt that one your type!He’s brunette and just got out of jail!”Kelce pointed out.You grinned, shrugging. “He’s okay.”You replied, surprising them. “Hey, do you guys want to make a blanket fort later?”You asked, feeling bored with the set up of the living room.

They nodded, agreeing. “Yeah, okay.”Rafe nodded.It wasnt until the scene of Ponyboy’s parents getting into a car accident that anyone spoke again, Topper laughing. “Same.”He pointed at the tv, hoping you guys would laugh too.Kelce was the first to laugh, nodding. “We should sue the for stealing your plot line.”He grinned.Rafe chuckled, sighing.

 “Let me just call my lawyer, oh wait, my phone drowned.”He laughed again, looking over to you to make sure that you werent taking it to seriously.You simply grinned, rolling your eyes. “If I were a character in this who would I be?”Rafe asked, his head against your thigh.You hummed, thinking. “I dunno….I think Kelce would be Darry for sure but I think you would be Ponyboy cause you’re dumb.”You grinned at him, knowing you were about to get attacked.

He scoffed, climbing on top of you and laying down on top of you, his head on your stomach and his legs on top of yours, nearly crushing you. “You’re gonna kill me!’You exclaimed, flicking him repeatedly.He pouted, getting comfy.

Your phone began to ring but you chose to ignore it, figuring it was your uncle calling to ask if you were coming to Italy.The others followed your lead, ignoring it too.They were all there with you, it wasnt like anyone else really mattered.It wasnt until it rang for the eighth time that you finally picked up, whispering for Kelce to pause the movie as you held the phone to your ear, waiting for the person to say something first. 

“hello?”A deep voice asked.You frowned, not recognizing it. “What?”You asked, hoping it wasnt your uncle. “Um...is this (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?”The voice asked and you could hear tapping in the background. “yeah.”You replied, not wanting to give away anymore information.

 “This is your father.”THe voice spoke, letting out a sigh right after it. “I heard that your mother died, how are you doing?”He asked.Rafe was tapping at your thigh, trying to ask who it was, shutting up when you placed your hand over his face.

“How do I know you’re not lying?”You asked, feeling the boys all staring at you. “Do you know where your birth certificate is?”He asked.You hummed, pushing Rafe off of you and standing up, jogging up the stairs and opening the door to your mothers room.

It hadnt been touched for only the gods know how long, the ceiling fan gathering bits of dust along with all the cabinets and the tv screen.You opened her file cabinet, finding your birth certificate and placing it in front of you.

 “Do you see the name of the father?”He asked, waiting for your response. “Yeah.”You replied.Matthew Islands. “Does it say Matthew Islands?”He asked.Fucking hell. “Yeah.”You answered. “Theres your proof.”He replied.You gulped, sitting down entirely. 

“No, you have no proof that that’s your real name.”You replied, just hoping that this wasnt true.You couldnt handle this on top of everything else. “Would a liscense and my birth certificate be enough proof?”He asked.You held your breath, wanting to hang up and block his number so you’d never have to think about him ever again.

 “Your uncle gave me your address.I could come over and bring all of my documents if you want.”He answered.Your heart dropped into your stomach, eyes going wide. “No, do not come to my house.If I want to meet you i’ll meet you at a public place.”You replied, not liking the idea of some old dude you had never met that claimed to be your dad coming to your home.

 “Alright, where would that be?”He asked.You jogged back downstairs, staring outside your window. “What-where are you right now?”You asked. “Im at a hotel near the country club.”He told you.You sighed, sitting down on the floor. 

“The turtle beach...five thirty.”You suggested, breath shaky as you waited. “Okay, i’ll bring everything.”He replied, waiting for you to hang up.You hung up quickly, putting your phone down with a huff. “Who was that?”Topper asked. 

“My father.”You replied, shocking them all.Kelce sat up straight, raising his eyebrows. “And you’re meeting him?”Kelce asked, wanting to make sure he was hearing you correctly and he hadnt lost his mind. “Well, not alone.You guys are coming with me.”You told them, figuring that they already knew. 

“If he’s a psychopath im gonna be pissed.”You grumbled, standing back up. “And apparently my uncle gave him my address so now he knows where I live so now he can just show up whenever and hes gonna bring his ID and his birth certificate and I guess he’s been in OBX this whole time so its possible that I already know him which is just fucking weird.This is so weird-I dont even want to meet him!Like who the hell calls the day that their ex lover dies to tell their kid that they’re actually around in the same place and have been this whole time and didnt even try to help raise me?God, I hate this!”You exclaimed, pacing around.

 “Well at least you’ll be safe if you’re meeting him in a public place!Plus, if you meet him and you just want to leave we can leave.And if you dont feel safe staying here you could always come over to my house.”Kelce reminded you.You nodded, sighing.

 “But think about it, why would he be gone all those years?What has he been doing with his life?And why wouldnt my mom want me to know about him?He probably is a psychopath and thats why im so fucked in the head.”You laughed, trying to calm your self. 

“And like, I feel like something is just wrong, you know?I dont even know what it just doesnt feel right.Like mom was never here anyways but with her being like….gone gone it just feels like im being watched.Its gross.”You ranted, pulling at your fingers.

 “So why dont you just leave?You dont have to stay here everyday, we can just start hanging out at Rafe’s and eating all of his food.”Topper grinned.You shrugged, walking into your kitchen and walking around in a loop before coming back.

 “I feel like I cant leave.I dont know why.”You explained. “How about we just ditch your dad and have a sleepover at my house?We can go to the grocery store and play mario kart and we can watch Criminal Minds.”Rafe spoke softly, knowing his father couldnt yell at him if you were over.

 “Your dad doesnt like me.”You told him, looking for any excuse to stay home. “Are you kidding?You’re the most responsible, of course he likes you!Sarah likes you too!And you can come see the new lights I got for my room-do you wanna go to the thrift store and get some records for me to hang on my walls?”He asked, hoping you’d agree. 

“You could pick out a few less hideous shirts for me!I know you hate my pastel ones.”Kelce replied.With all of them trying to convince you the idea was becoming more appealing. “Okay...let me just pack a bag.”You muttered, going back upstairs and into your bedroom, grabbing a mint blue backpack and opening your drawers, grabbing some pajama shorts, a t shirt, some sweatpants, deodorant and a hairbrush.

Rafe came upstairs to grab the stuff that he had brought to your house, figuring he should do his laundry. “You okay?”He asked, watching as you zipped your bag.You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “Why does so much happen in my life?I feel like the universe is specifically after me.”You mumbled, feeling his strong arms around you, leaning against him. 

“I know how it feels, chip.It’ll take a little while but you’ll feel better eventually, just promise me you wont hurt yourself.”He whispered into your neck, kissing your jaw lightly.You shivered, your hands falling over his, letting out a soft sigh. 

“I know.”You replied, closing your eyes as he kissed up and down your neck lightly. “You can always come over, you know.You dont have to call or anything, doesnt even matter if im home or not.”He pressed a kiss to your cheek, grinning when you turned your head so he could kiss you properly, letting out a low sigh.

He stood for a while, his warm hands running up and down your body, humming to you.He didnt know what song he was humming but he was almost positive that it was from a disney movie. “Are you humming something from The Lion King?”you asked.He nodded, kissing your forehead.

 “Can you feel the love tonight, The peace the evening brings, The world for once in perfect harmony, With all its living things.”He sang softly, remembering what the song was.He remembered you singing it constantly, getting the song stuck in your head for weeks.

You grinned, biting your lip as he blushed, continuing to sing. “He's holding back, he's hiding, But what, I can't decide, Why won't he be the king I know he is?The king I see inside?”You sang quietly, turning so you could hide your face in his shirt, giggling.

He turned bright red, squeezing you for a few seconds before letting go. “Lets get going so that we can make Kelce wear a blouse.”He smiled, grabbing your bag for you.Topper was taking the movie out of your dvd player and putting it back in its case, grabbing the barnes and noble bag and throwning Rafe his raccoon.

 “I will drive.”Kelce announced, opening the door and leading the group out to Rafe’s truck, getting inside.You and Rafe decided to sit in the backseat while Topper sat up front, controlling the music.Rafe’s hand rested on your thigh, tapping his fingertips on your kneecap to the sound of the music.

You reached out, playing with his fingers, tapping them and watching them wiggle.He sighed, not understanding why you were so entertained. “Where am I going?Grocery store or thrift store?”Kelce asked, pulling out of your driveway. “Thrift store.”Topper replied quickly.

Kelce nodded, trying his best to drive smoothly and avoid any bumps.Rafe moved as close as he could to you so he could get his arm around your waist, his other arm across your thighs as he rested his head in the crook of your neck.

Usually he wouldnt be this touchy with you when the boys were right there.Your heart skipped a beat as he started to kiss your collarbone and the side of your neck, biting softly as the tip of his tongue swirled around your skin.

You just had to hope the others wouldnt notice.Kelce parked the truck as he pulled into the parking lot of the thrift store, the four of you hopping out.Topper stayed close to you as you guys walked around the store.Rafe was incredibly out of his element, not used to stores that werent cleaned head to toe with music playing from speakers.

Walmart was one thing for him to get used to but a thrift store was a whole other thing.You grabbed a large yellow shirt, looking through the t shirts before you heard Kelce let out an excited shout, rushing over to you with a purple dress.

 “Dinosaurs!Dinosaurs!Dinosaurs!Come one, please!You have to get this!”He exclaimed.You sighed, taking it from him. “Did you check the size?”You asked. “That’ll fit you fine, your body dysmorphia just needs to shut the fuck up.”Topper kissed your forehead, holding up the dress before looking back over to you.

 “This’ll be perfect with those black boots you have and the frilly socks!You know the ones im talking about, right?Like they look like they were made with a wedding dress.”He thought out loud.You nodded, not really agreeing but you didnt have the heart to tell him that.

Rafe came into the isle, a large leopard print jacket in his hand. “Kelceeeeee.”He smirked, holding it up.Kelce’s face dropped, shaking his head. “No.”He replied. “Please?”You asked, pouting ever so slightly.Kelce sighed.

 “I hate you.”He muttered, taking the jacket.You left the thrift store with a dinosaur dress, a fancy tea cup, a dog lamp, and a large hawaiian shirt.After spending forty minutes at looking at records you had convinced Rafe to hang up album covers too since you had found a few disney ones.

 “Why dont you take them then?”He suggested, not wanting to have Anna and Elsa on his wall. “No, you need them.”You replied.Kelce was pretty mad about the giant stack of yellow, leopard print, hawaiian shirts and striped tank tops.

 “You’re such a bully.”he grumbled as you placed a holographic hat on his head. “Yeah but you still love me, right?”You giggled.The grocery store wasnt any better, Topper deciding to sit in the cart while Rafe tossed bags of chips at his face. 

“Hey, dont do that.You could hit his head.”You told him.Topper grinned, reaching out and pulling you by the back of your shirt so he could hug you.You placed a kiss on his forehead, asking what kind of chips he wanted. 

“Can we get cantalope?”Kelce asked, already putting one in the cart.Rafe was stumbling around a little, taking in a deep breath. “Hey, you okay?”You asked, placing your hands on his shoulders to steady him.He nodded. 

“Yeah, yeah im fine.”He replied, just as confused as you.You didnt really believe him, gripping his jaw and staring into his eyes, noticing how they were dialated.

 “Can you sit down please?”You asked him, pushing on his shoulders slightly. “We’re in a store.”He muttered. “Rafe, its fine.Just sit please.”You repeated.He sat on the floor, not sure what you were doing.

You sat across from him, pretending to read cereal boxes as a group walked by. “How much did you take?”You asked him.He gulped, trying to think back. “Umm...I dont know.”He replied.

 “How much do you usually take?”You asked. “Like...one or two.”He answered.You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “What can happen if you take too much?Do you think you overdosed?”You asked, keeping your voice quiet.

He shook his head. “No...no...I took like...six lines a few weeks ago.”He replied, realising how bad it sounded. “Okay...okay so what do we do?Should you drink water or-or-ummm okay.Can you see and hear?”You asked, not knowing what to do.He nodded, gulping. 

“I feel fine, like im fine.But it’s just weird.I dunno.Just dont worry about it.”He muttered, slowly standing back up.You tried to hurry the rest of the shopping trip, making them go through self checkout so it wouldnt take so long.

You grabbed a cold mountain dew for Rafe, tugging him by his arm over to the truck as fast as you could, making him chug the drink.He let out a loud burp, laughing right after. “See?Im fine.”He grinned, trying to convince you more than himself. 

“Why’d you get high in the first place?”You asked.He shrugged, going to hug you when you pushed him away. “Rafe, im serious.”You tried your best to sound assertive, worried that you might sound like his father. 

“I know.......I just went too long without anything.”He lied.You knew he was lying but you didnt say anything else, reaching for his hand to let him know that you werent mad at him.

He rested his head against your shoulder, his other arm resting on your leg, taking in deep breaths. “im sorry, princess.Im so sorry.”He whispered.You simply kissed the top of his head.

 “I know you are, Rafe.But you gotta be better, you guys are all I have and we already almost lost Topper, we cant lose you too.”You told him.He nodded, feeling the truck move a bit as Topper and Kelce got in.

Rain started to fall, the light in the car slightly blue as Rafe’s eyes slowly closed, falling asleep against your shoulder.Topper played a sad song on low volume, liking the vibe that he had created.

Kelce seemed to have forgot where he was going, pulling into a cumberland farms parking lot, sighing.All of you just sat for a moment, breathing and listening to the music.

Kelce took in a deep breath before backing out again, humming along to the song before pulling up at Rafe’s house.You rubbed Rafe’s back to wake him up, kissing his forehead lightly.

There were only a few bags, Kelce grabbing them all before heading over to the door, all of you guys getting inside and taking off your shoes. “Rafe-where have you-”Ward started, looking over to see you, Topper and Kelce before closing his mouth. 

“I see you brought friends.”Was all he had to say, rolling up his sleeves to his elbows to show off a watch.Rafe nodded, gripping your hand. “You have to babysit Wheezie tonight.No funny buisiness.”He said strictly, dissapearing.

Rafe glared at the wall. “Fucking idiot.”He grumbled, heading upstairs.You took a deep breath, following him with Topper and Kelce close behind you and into his room.Kelce placed the bags down, sitting on the floor.

 “Lets just wait for Ward to leave, then we can go into the living room.”Rafe muttered, taking the record covers and sliding the records out, letting you use the double sided tape to stick them to his wall.

His walls were a light gray that matched his carpet, his sheets white and his comforter blue.He had a few pictures of you and the boys on his nightstand, his hamper in the corner and a tv on his wall.

You could understand why he’d want to make it less bland, sticking the record covers along the wall, trying to make them in a rainbow order.It mustve been 5:30 since your phone wouldnt stop going off but you couldnt care less, turning off your ringer.

Once you heard the front door slam loudly and Ward’s car start up a smile came across your face.Once you hung the last record Rafe had thrown you over his shoulder, tossing you onto the couch.

 “RAFE!”Wheezie shouted, coming out of her room and storming downstairs, freezing up when she saw the four of you. “Yeah?”Rafe asked.She frowned, turning around and going back upstairs.

Kelce had pulled you into his lap, watching as Rafe flicked through the cameras, stopping on Nickelodeon.You had no idea why you guys had even gone grocery shopping since Rafe was planning on ordering pizza anyways, texting Wheezie to ask what she wanted.

Zoey 101 was playing, Kelce laughing for some reason. “Hey, you should do a little fashion show for us.”Topper grinned, remembering all the clothes.Kelce groaned, getting up and going upstairs.

You went upstairs as well, explaining that you had to show him how the outfits were supposed to go.He was laughing as you told him to put on the rainbow sweater with the leopard print jacket on top of it. 

“This looks terrible!”He exclaimed, telling you you could turn around now. “Its not that bad!”You laughed, moving forward to fix the collar of the sweater.He took in a shallow breath, not used to you standing so close.

He didnt even think about it, leaning forward and kissing you lightly.You were surprised, not really knowing how to react.You held onto the sweater collar tightly, pulling away. 

“Um....you still need to put on the hat.”You muttered, grabbing the holographic hat and placing it on top of his head.He cleared his throat, turning and looking in the mirror with a frown on his face.

 “Come on, dont be like that.Its not gonna look good if you’re grumpy.”You told him.He sighed, following you downstairs.Topper was recording, zooming in on Kelce’s grumpy face. “It looks great!Now give us a spin.”He grinned, watching as Kelce put out his arms and spun around. 

“I know, I look fantastic.”Kelce replied, putting his hands in the pockets of the jacket.He sat down on the couch, ignoring the squeak of the jacket material against the couch, holding a pillow to his chest with a grin as he watched the tv.You sat back down, pushing the hat off of his head.

 “Asshole.”He grinned at you, putting the hat on your head instead.The sound of the doorbell ringing caused you all to jump, not expecting the pizza to come that fast.Rafe answered the door, putting the pizza down in the kitchen and shouting for Wheezie, grabbing plates from the cabinet.

You had a slice and some fries, sitting down on the living room carpet.You werent even sure when you had fallen asleep, a blanket thrown over you and  Friends playing on the TV.

The boys were still awake, watching the tv. “Morning.”Topper grinned when he confused you, shaking his head. “Its not actually morning.”He chuckled, ruffling your hair.

You grumbled something, reaching for your phone and seeing ten missed calls and eighteen messages from your ‘dad’.You blocked his number, not wanting to deal with him anymore.

Thats when you got an idea, heading to the bathroom and locking the door, sitting down and beginning to type.It was to your mothers cellphone, not caring if your uncle saw it or not.

Dear Mom, 

I dont remember much about the last time I saw you.I dont even think you told me that you loved me.Your room is still the same as it was eight months ago.My friends were always here for me when you shouldve been.Kelce told me that writing a goodbye letter to something that hurt you is the best way to cope.So here I am.I feel like you’re haunting the house, it feels kind of bitter and I constantly feel like you’re still judging me.And now that you’re gone im not even sure how to feel about you.I dont even know if you thought about me during your last moments but im sure if you did it was out of anger and disgust.Thats all you really had for me.This is me officially saying goodbye, I hope you had fun in Italy.

You didnt even bother to reread the message, sending it out and turning off your phone, leaving the bathroom. “Hey, im just gonna crash in your room.”You told Rafe, seeing him nod in the dark.

You dragged your feet as you went upstairs, getting under his covers and resting your head against his pillow.You were half asleep when Rafe got into bed next to you, his arm moving around your waist.

You were confused when you felt someone else lay down, opening your eyes. “Its just me.”Kelce muttered.You hummed, resting your head on his chest. “Topper took up the whole couch.”He explained, kissing your forehead lightly.

You kept rolling over throughout the night, unable to get comfy until Rafe pulled you on top of him.You grumbled, sitting up, realising you were straddling him. “You okay?”He asked, still half asleep.You hummed, laying down on top of him, one of your arms hanging off the bed. “I love you.”He mumbled. “love you too.”You muttered, falling asleep only seconds later.

THERES ONLY A CHAPTER LEFT IM GONNA CRY

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