#and I am incredibly grateful for everyone who’s read my work

[seeker-of-truth]

.

[oraclemoontarot]

why people are jealous of you 𓂃⊹ pac tarot reading

from left to right, top to bottom -> pile 1, pile 2, pile 3, pile 4

•┈┈┈••✦ ♡ ✦••┈┈┈•

pile 1 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

cards pulled: six of pentacles, five of swords, seven of wands, fool, nine of pentacles. oracles: snow leopard: self-reliance, polar bear: mystic, swan: grace, unicorn: infinite possibilities, days of winter, winter besom, devotional, Brigid's doll

For my pile one's, people are jealous of your giving nature. There is this kindness and grace to you, this lack of hatred and this purity. You may have gone through conflicts and hardship, but it has made you stronger and didn't keep you away from your goals. You are hardworking yet fun and full of adventure. People are jealous of your ability to have fun, to explore - this curiosity and acceptance of your inner child is what people wish they had the strength to accept within themselves.

You are also someone who appreciates life. You are grateful for all that you have, never wanting more. People may be jealous of you, but that word doesn't exist in your vocabulary and that may make them furious lmao. Pile one's you are such a sweet, warm, and kind person. It is hard to find someone like you in this world.

With the animal oracle cards, you are independent and probably enjoy your own company. Where everyone else may get bored staying home all day, especially on their own, you thrive in such an environment. Maybe your hobbies involve things such as art, reading, writing, playing video games, or something musical, where staying home or within your own company is where you're able to have the most fun.

Challenges are what make you incredibly strong, you are a dreamer and someone who has a strong potential to become a tarot reader too! There is something incredibly mystical and graceful to you. You see things most people may not even understand. You get people on deeper levels, but also yourself. There is so much wisdom and goodness within you, so much elegance, beauty and love. People who are jealous of you don't understand that. I feel like, only people who have so much negativity and hate would be jealous of you. They wouldn't appreciate your inner world and your good nature.

Extra messages + why people would be jealous:

'I must seek to befriend the hidden parts of self, the darkness that embraces the whole of who I am'

you completely understand yourself, you accept yourself for who you are, both the good and the bad. You are content with who you are and that is so, so beautiful.

'Sweep away ill intent while creating boundaries weaved with protection. A witch respects passages of safety'

because you have accepted yourself, you also respect who you are. Therefore, you don't let people with bad intentions close, your boundaries are clear.

'There's something so intimate when letters reflect the tongue, in times of introspection when I am at my most vulnerable and revealing all the lives in me'

doubles down on you understanding yourself, especially your inner world, and enjoying your own company.

'Thread by thread I weave my desires, working as one with the source of creative power'

you are so strong Pile one. Whatever you put your mind to, you can achieve. You have the knight of pentacles energy, the ability to take your time, moving with a steady pace towards your dreams.

pile 2 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

cards pulled: hermit, three of wands, ten of cups, emperor, king of cups | Lynx: keeper of secrets, lion: higher calling, squirrel: always prepared, sea turtle: protection, snowdrops, winter woodlands, milk moon witch, dark days of winter

People are jealous of your ability to look within and come out stronger. You enjoy your own company and solitude, able to find the deeper meaning or purpose within your life. At the point you are reading this pac, you may be levelling up within your career or life, or you are constantly achieving. People are jealous of your successful nature, feeling closer towards envy. You may even have a good relationship with your family, especially your father, and feel content surrounded by those you care about - you may thrive in such an environment.

You are someone who creates your own future through your efforts, beliefs, and preparedness. You are someone who is able to work just as hard as you have fun. There is this playful and cheerful nature to you that is so contagious, just like the courage in your heart. The Lynx card is just like the hermit, 'in silence and solitude, you will find your strength'. There is so much confidence in your self, in your ability to make the right choices. You are also great at keeping secrets and seeing things in other people - either deception or their true selves. You work hard, yet you also have the ability to go with flow. There are so many layers to you and yet you are an incredibly balanced individual. You create your own path, your own rhythm and flow in life. And this is what people are jealous as sometimes they feel stuck on the path they were given, or clueless on the direction they wish to pursue yet, with you, you draw your own line on the map and follow it with so much perseverance and strength. You're unwavering, like a turtle which swims along the current of the ocean.

Extra messages + why people would be jealous:

'when all seems to stem from the unknown, hold firm in knowing all will be as it should'

you have this understanding and trust in your abilities, unwavering and strong in the path that you follow. People are jealous of you being someone unable to give up no matter what challenge presents itself.

'Take time to honour what you feel. Self-compassion is the healing balm you desire'

you accept your feelings, you love and trust yourself when most don't, and you truly understand who you are as a person. There is a sense of respect towards yourself that others wish they felt towards themselves.

'Watch as the tides turn in your favour, weaving the waters within and conjuring unspoken desire'

whatever wish, goal, or dream you have, you're able to achieve and fulfil. It's as though both luck and your skills are what lead you through the path of greatness, and this feels more like that of envy than jealousy of your life and achievements.

'I must seek to befriend the hidden parts of self, the darkness that embraces the whole of who I am'

Again, just like the hermit, you are able to accept both the good and bad traits within you, admitting that they are what make you, you. These shadow selves show that you are human, that you have flaws just like everyone else and you aren't ashamed of them. This confidence and love for yourself is what people feel jealous of.

pile 3 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

cards pulled: ace of swords, page of swords, three of cups, two of pentacles, ace of pentacles, nine of pentacles, five of swords, lovers, seven of swords | fox: clever, tiger: fire, penguin: authentic, dog: friend, black bear, horned owl, casserole, cinnamon rolls

There seems to be a lot of jealous energy around you pile 3. This could be from people who you are around often, or those who you had cut off. You may have had conflict with a friend group of 3 or more people, and these friends may be the jealous ones, which their jealousy could have been the reason for conflict, tension, or the falling apart of this friendship.

The reason as to why people may be jealous of you is because of your communication skills. You are someone who is able to express their thoughts and feelings clearly, articulately, and may even be witty. There is likely this intelligence to you, especially a social and verbal intelligence. You may be incredibly good at forming connections and networking. The way you communicate brings forth opportunities that may lead to wealth. You are goal-oriented and always look towards the future and towards a new adventure. There is this humbleness to you, this gratitude, and people are jealous of what you have achieved and what you have. They're jealous because they see you as having more than them, about having the life they wish they had. This could also be skills of yours that they're jealous of.

You are also good at balancing your relationships with your life and work, you have so much love, warmth, and kindness to you. If you are in a relationship, they are jealous of that as well, as they see it as an ideal connection. Even with conflict, you are warm, understanding, and still value the people who you are tense with. It frustrates them. I keep getting this negative energy. This frustrated, irritated, and jealous person/people that don't seem to have an ounce of good intentions towards you. If they are ex friends and you were the one to end the relationship, I am so, so proud of you. You did well, even if it were hard, you deserve only good things and people to surround you, especially as you seem like such a lovely character with so much love around you.

With the oracle cards, they're jealous of your mind, of your intelligence. You always find a solution to problems that arise, you have a strong instinct and have a lovely heart. You have this fire within you, this drive and determination. You have so much passion and are unmoving from your path - bold and brave. You are also unafraid to be your authentic self, and people are jealous because they put on an act, lacking in confidence and bravery. You value relationships, family and all close connections, loving your uniqueness and constantly surprise others in a pleasant way. You may be loved by most people, simply because you are you. You are yourself and no one can change that. You are a true friend and a true companion. You are loyal, a protector, a happy and positive person, as well as having a lot of energy and enthusiasm to you. People really do want to be like you, they want to see the world and themselves the way you do. To have such drive, determination, and enthusiasm.

Extra messages + why people would be jealous:

'your existence is the resistance. All you must do is accept the power waiting you arrival' This relates back to you being your authentic self. You don't let anyone tell you who you are or who you should be. You being yourself is resisting against cultural norms and societal expectations. Could even be the expectations of your friends, family, and environment. You know your own strength and power.

'become the shadow that watches, keeping quiet while moving intentionally'

this could be focused more so on the people who are jealous - to be aware of those around you. To watch, to observe, to make note of possible red flags. Be careful of who you trust and who you let into your life. It is important that you protect yourself as these people are like shadows that you may not notice. They are quiet but their intentions are there.

'trust in the flavours that led you here, an unexpected alignment. Let it move you in ways that capture your soul'

People are jealous of your experiences, the way they shaped you into the person that you are now. You have so many things to talk about, so much to share, so much you have lived through and will continue to experience. There is so much depth, strength, and resilience to you.

'warm my heart; all-deserving comfort readies my heart'

You really are a warm, welcoming, loving, and kind soul. You wear your heart on your sleeve, a comforting presence open to love and connections. It is important that you know and appreciate that side to you as well as it is so, so beautiful. So precious and sweet.

pile 4 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

cards pulled: two of cups, emperor, two of swords, knight of cups, magician, ace of swords, five of pentacles, fool, eight of cups | black jaguar: old soul, butterfly: rebirth, swan: grace, lion: higher calling, arts and crafts, Angelica, river rocks, bathing ritual

People are jealous of your ability to create meaningful and lasting connections/relationships. You have this ability to be like the emperor and the knight of cups, there are two very different sides to you that creates a sense of balance. The emperor is one of authority, confidence, strength, and a protector. They are like that of a pillar within relationships and are great caretakers too, you don't bend or break for any or anything, and you even communicate in such a way - as well as communicating with clarity and intelligence, having such an intricate way of words. The other side to you is one of romance, innocence, gentleness, and this sense of childlike wonder. There is this purity to you and this excitement, adventure, and energy. It's as though you are like an old and new soul in one. You know your purpose, you have a strong value of people and relationships, but you also have a creative, romantic, dreamer side too, with so much emotion and sensitivity.

Even when you feel alone/lonely, or if you're struggling financially, you have this optimism to you, and this drive to get out of such feelings and situations. You don't let the negativity of your life or surroundings bring you down, you don't dwell or stay at a standstill, you find ways to leave it all behind in search for something great.

You really are that of an old soul with the black jaguar oracle. You move through life with this confidence and grace, you know what you want and you don't lose sight of it, turning your dreams into reality. You are constantly changing, growing, transforming, and reinventing yourself. You are open to change and the good that would come out of it. You love and appreciate the journey and, once you arrive at the end of it, you have so much gratitude and are humble of your achievements. There is also this beauty, wisdom, and elegance to you, like the swan, you grab others attention and respect/appreciation of you. You have this dignity, like royalty, you carry yourself well. You have courage to face hardships, you don't live in the past, able to let go of things that no longer serve you because you know your worth. You really do value relationships, finding contentment and strength in them.

Extra messages + why people would be jealous:

'nothing exists without the essence of spirit. May it be whispers or chants, your energy is what brings life to all that you create'

you may be an artist or creative, someone who has such a strong energy and puts a lot of effort, character, and life into whatever you do. There is passion, authenticity, and something deep and real to you.

'the bells have rung far and near. Underneath feathered wings, my dear, you have nothing to fear'

You protect your health, heart, and mind well, as well as those around you. You are a protector to people you care about and yourself. You are a pillar, a source of strength, and you don't let others worry or fear things.

'go with the current, dear one; find peace in letting go. Let life wash over your soul and welcome your becoming'

You are likely someone who goes with the flow, you don't let things hurt you or people to not treat you right. You leave situations and relationships that do not serve you, you let go when it is necessary so to protect your peace and yourself. This is what lets you to grow into a strong character.

'with you, water spirit, I wash away what no longer serves me and drink in spells that call for healing'

Similar to the one above, you are good at healing yourself, about not letting past hurts affect the you today. You cleanse your heart and mind of pain and troubles, and you let yourself feel only what you know you deserve - happiness, positivity, love and light. And that is truly beautiful and what others who may be struggling or have negativity in their hearts would be jealous of.

[emryste]

[ START | PREVIOUS | NEXT ] [ MERCH ] [ MISC ]

Part 1 of The Catalyst 👾 [ Part 2 ] for @hotguycomiczine You can download the zine HERE

It was SO cool to be part of this project, and I am not only immensely grateful but also humbled that I was. All of my fellow contributors are amazingly talented, from the artists, the writers, the editors, to the mods who were amazingly ontop of everything and facilitated the possibility for such an awesome collaborative zinethology to even be made. My heartfelt adoration and respect goes out to all of them.

I wanted to give my thanks; to the mod team, for allowing me to be part of this and for their extraordinary efforts; to my comic teammate Luna, who is awesomely creative and such a dream to work with, for making such an incredible script and plotline; to our editor Terra (and a few others) for making sure our comic was the best it could be; and everyone who has read the zine, for reading it! We hope you enjoyed your time in our little universe! \o/

Have a great, big, beautiful tomorrow. <3

[malusokay]

2023 reset guide

Glow up

2023 vision board. Visualize your dream 2023 and write down your goals!

Daily Hot girl walks. No excuses, babes; let's get moving!

Reflecting on 2022. Look back at what you've accomplished and what you could have done differently.

Make a Bucketlist. Write down places you want to visit and things you want to do.

Extended self-care. Take some time to yourself to recover from the stressful holidays and get back on track. <3

Buy a good SPF. Do some research and find something that works for you!

Start Investing in yourself. Money, time, and energy. Put yourself first!

Annual check-ups. Make a dentist appointment, go to the optometrist etc...

Buy a Silk pillowcase. Protect your skin and hair!

Set clear boundaries. And make sure that people respect them!

Less screen time. Self-explanatory.

Manicure, lash lift, haircut. High maintenance to be low maintenance! ;)

Wellness

Daily vitamins. Visit a doctor to discuss which ones you should be taking for the best results.

Morning stretches. Wake up your body and drink some water!

Skin/hair care. It's time to find products that actually work for you.

Reading more literature. Set yourself a daily reading goal.

Planned grocery lists. Make a grocery list that aligns with your dietary needs and goals to make shopping less stressful. <3

Less coffee. Especially if you struggle with anxiety!!

More greens and protein. Let's give our body what it needs.

Journaling. Truly helps with overthinking!!

8 hours of sleep. Beauty sleep. <3

Cooking for yourself. Such a cute form of daily self-care.

Yoga. Or just any low-impact exercises in general.

Deep cleaning

Organizing your closet. Only keep things that make you feel beautiful.

Budgeting. Check your bank account and plan ahead.

Clean your hairbrushes. Trust me...

Donating clothes. Donate the items that you don't wear anymore.

Clean your make-up brushes. The first step to clear skin!!

Fresh sheets. Wash your pillows too.

Charge your electronics. IPad, Mac, Camera etc...

Get rid of expired make-up and skincare. Step 2 to clear skin, lol.

Declutter stationary. No need to keep dried-out pens.

Delete old emails. I currently have 1840...

Delete unnecessary apps. Anything you don't need.

Clean your camera roll. Making some space for new memories! :)

Cut out toxic people. <3

Mindset

Pretty, smart, kind, and prioritising myself.

Positive affirmations!!

Your daily habits play a huge role in your mood/life. Be mindful, and take care of yourself.

It's okay to outgrow people!!

Decide what kind of life you actually want and start saying no to everything that won't get you there.

"I'm attracting opportunities that align with my dream life."

A girl who will do big things can't let small things bother her.

Honestly, reinvent yourself over and over again until you are satisfied with who you are.

Do you want to be comfortable, or do you want to grow?

"Am I doing this for me, or am I performing for others?"

very high standards. VERY HIGH STANDARDS.

Be obsessed with yourself.

2022 has been such a life-changing year for me, not only personally but also regarding my social media! As I already said on Twitter, I'm incredibly grateful for this little community that has formed this year, and I'm excited for all the things that lay ahead of us! I wish everyone a successful 2023 with many beautiful moments and lots of growth!!

✩‧₊*:・love ya ･:*₊‧✩

[lionheartedmusings]

hi everyone! i'm once again showing up on your dash with a life update and a request for help, but this time a much brighter update <3 i know i haven't been very active around here but i've been very busy (in a good way) and do want to return to my previously scheduled shitposting soon.

halfway through may i managed to escape a very toxic and damaging living situation and got my first payment from twitch! the support that i've received has been groundbreaking and i couldn't be more humbled and thankful for everyone who's dropped by a stream. something something dreams coming true in ways we didn't expect.

the unfortunate part is that moving took me scrounging up 200€ and a lot of penny pinching, and thankfully (and thanks to the 76 dollar payout from twitch) i was able to survive and keep working as hard as my mental health allowed me to.

i'm currently in the middle of a subathon and i'm? confused and shocked by how much support i've gotten for it, to the point that when the next payment i receive will be my first proper paycheck in over half a year. for the first time in ages, i'll be able to pay my bills and eat and not be panicked about tomorrow, upgrade some things for stream *and* still have some savings.

the problem becomes the fact that twitch only pays out on the 15th of every month and until that happens, i'm at an absolute zero in my accounts and food has run out as well as shampoo and bodywash and all those necessary things. i was incredibly lucky that a friend was able to help me get feminine hygiene products this month. i'll provide screenshots below.

if anyone is able to help me get past this last hurdle i would be eternally grateful, or if you could reblog that would already be so appreciated <3 but if you read this just as an update on my life, know that i am so at a loss for words from all the kindness and support i've been shown, and that if my life is changing it's because of everyone's support and good vibes. thank you <3

my p*ypal <3

[modmad]

Hey Mod, I don't know what's going on that hurt you, I feel like I missed something that's happened, but I can tell from what I did see that it didn't just hurt you, but scared you and made you feel a Lot of doubt. I've also seen a lot of messages pouring in with support, and I want to share mine.

I have hypermobile type EDS, fibromyalgia, and a whole bucket's worth of faulty wiring in my brain. And I've always had stories to tell but I never felt I was good enough to share them. If it's because I can't focus enough to get through nanowrimo, or because I can't manage the focus and time towards drawing as a hobby, or the fact that an excessive amount of either for me leads to my hands wanting to shut down. But you? You *inspire* me. Your stories, all the ones I've seen, read, experienced in some way or another, they're so good. And you're open and honest with your fans about your own health, and of course, we support you and always would rather you rest and feel as best you can, instead of pushing out something and working yourself too hard. But all of this is to say that. I think I would have given up on my own stories if I hadn't found you and yours.

I hope whatever is going on sorts itself out, I hope you're able to keep telling your stories. At your own pace, in your own way. I think you deserve to be happy. If there's anything we (your fans, especially those of us too awkward to come off anon, whoops,) can do, to help in some way? Even if it's silly videos or cute cat pictures or whatever it is that could just help you smile. We're here. We love you.

woof. I woke up to so many messages I can't even read them all in one go I'm getting too emotional- I do feel I owe an explanation so I'll explain what happened under the cut but all you guys need to know is I'm okay, I got through it, I love you, and you're so important to me and I'm so grateful for all the messages that have asked me to stay.

tw for suicidal thoughts and all that

yeah so I have the bad morning of all mornings: was introduced to the fact there's this one character (Mr Puzzles) on a very popular youtube that. resembles RGB. incredibly strongly. like. I don't want to link to it just look if you want to. Anyway at the time I thought it had just dropped (seems to have been around for 6 months actually), and having commented on it I immediately got an inbox full of hate mail.

My website, meanwhile, had locked both me and my web designer out of it, and- already in a bad state of mind- I went into full on panic/paranoid spiral of 'they have hacked it, and they are going to delete any proof that I was here before them.' This of course wasn't true, and we have since recalimed control of the site (don't know what happened there but hey. it's fine???? haha. ha.)

On top of this my father has terminal cancer of the pancreas, which is horrible for everyone already but it means that- at some point this year- I am going to be the only person with an active income in my house. I am disabled, do not make a lot of money, and the cost of living is skyrocketing. Combine that with months of Despair at the world right now, with the multiple wars, genocide, corruption and AI and the loss of control any of us have over our IP or lives and I just decided it was time to end it all.

I somehow remembered this was a bad idea to act on immediately (hard during a period of entirely irrational thought) and instead went for a very long walk, crossed the bridge I could have jumped off and during that I came out of the worst of it. I then came back home to so much love online I felt deeply ashamed for ever contemplating it, and I cried a lot. My nose is still puffy and now my feet hurt! lmao

Anyway. Yeah. There's your context. I am not going to stop hoping, making, or living. I am prone to moments of weakness and this was one of the worst of them and I am still here, thanks in a large part to all of you. I might need you in the future to defend me against this, or people who take our ideas, but I hope you know that I will do the same for you. We need each other, and to be there for you I need to be here at all.

also fuck Mr Puzzles

[andypantsx3]

andie's wips for gaza — ˖˚˳⊹

hi all! i'm not sure if this is something anyone would be interested in but i'm giving it a shot. i have a little capacity to contribute to fics for gaza's option to sponsor a wip. below are a couple of my wips i think i can realistically deliver all or most of before end of year, divided into current wips + a few smutty one shots i hope you might be interested in. if any more of my time clears up i can add more & let y'all know!!

i'm setting the threshold at the standard rate of $1 donation per 100 words, any extra would be sooo incredibly appreciated but obviously not at all required! notes on how this will all work below my wips.

update 5/29 — ˖˚˳⊹

All of my WIPs have been fully funded! I am so deeply grateful to everyone who donated and/or helped spread the word. I promise to work hard and write fics that live up to just how much this means to me. If you still have capacity to donate, I encourage you to check out the other authors participating and help fund their WIPs too. Thank you so much; your generosity means the entire world to me.

current wips — ˖˚˳⊹

something in the water : todoroki shouto x reader

As a future marine biologist, you’ve scored big on your final internship: a summer in the tropics, researching the waters off the coast of a lush, sunny island. But what you thought would be all beach days and piña coladas turns out to be the revelation of a lifetime when you haul in a handsome merprince, and discover not everything in these waters is quite as it seems. — estimated remaining wc: 3 chapters @ 3k each (9,000 total words) — donated wc: 9,000/9,000 words fully sponsored! — progress tracker: 3,800/9,000 words

ready or knot : todoroki shouto x reader

Todoroki Shouto is so unsettlingly beautiful, you’re certain he has to be an omega. That is, until a chance encounter with a pushy alpha reveals you were incredibly mistaken—and the surprises don’t stop there. Shouto's suddenly mystifying behavior adds another layer of complexity to an already confusing inter-agency investigation. It would be so much easier to figure things out—and suppress your growing feelings—if only Shouto would stop being so strangely attentive to you... — estimated remaining wc: 5 chapters @ 2.5k each (12,500 words) — donated wc: 12,600/12,500 words fully sponsored! — progress tracker: 200/12,500 words

new wips (smutty one shots) — ˖˚˳⊹

title tbd : midoriya izuku x reader

When your pro hero boyfriend comes home to find you studying, he suddenly takes a great interest in helping out. You find his methods... questionable. contents: nsft, hysterical literature (reading out loud while sexually stimulated), pro hero deku, slight intelligence kink, gn + afab reader, cunnilingus, established relationship, fluff — estimated wc: 2,500 words — donated wc: 2,500/2,500 words fully sponsored! — progress tracker: 300/2,500 words

loads of fun : todoroki shouto x reader

After moving into your first apartment together, Shouto seems more amorous than ever. You're not sure why—but when he catches you doing a load of laundry, more than your clothes are about to get tumbled. contents: nsft, pro hero au, domesticity kink, gn + afab reader established relationship, fluff, emotional sex — estimated wc: 2,500 words — donated wc: 2,500/2,500 words fully sponsored! — progress tracker: 2,800/2,500 words completed!

filling in : bakugou katsuki x reader

A production assistant for an erotic arts studio, you think you've seen every ridiculous plot line under the sun. But not even porn tropes can compare to the absurd reality you find yourself in when the on-screen talent goes missing, and you're asked to fill in opposite the studio's number one star Bakugou Katsuki. contents: thee classic oh-no-the-porn-talent-has-gone-missing-let's-sub-a-rando-in trope, no quirks au, pornstar bakugou, soft dom bakugou, gn + afab reader, unrequited-requited crush — estimated wc: 3,000 words — donated wc: 3,000/3,000 words fully sponsored! — progress tracker: 300/3,000 words

notes — ˖˚˳⊹

rate: $1 (USD) donation per 100 words, any extra would be sooo incredibly appreciated but obviously not at all required!

how it works (you): send me an ask with the wip you're donating towards and a screenshot of your donation to any fund from this list, a charity of your choice (please make sure it's verified), or my preferred one here! please do not send the same screenshot to multiple authors, and please make sure any personal information is scrubbed from your screenshot as i will be supplying @ficsforgaza with the proof of your donation!! i will aim to update the donated wc section of each wip in this post so there's not overlap in what people are donating for.

how it works (me): i will log my progress below each wip (the progress tracker section of each) & will commit to updating that count weekly. i will work in the rough order of donations received, by adding that number of words to each wip. this also means that for $5 i could add 500 words but not publish until the chapter or oneshot is completed, so please be aware of that!! my goal is to at least publish every single word people have donated for by end of year, but obviously things can happen & i will provide updates if anything gets in the way of that!

if you have any further questions please let me know!! i've never done something like this and it's very probable i've left something unclear lol.

lastly i'd like to thank you in advance for helping out if you can, but no worries if not! i also know times are tough and money is tight, and i'd encourage you to check out the other writers on @ficsforgaza's list of participants when published to see if you'd rather spend your money on one of their wips (or their custom requests!) before selecting mine!! the money goes towards a good cause either way.

[alotofpockets]

Out of pocket | Renee Rapp x Actress!Reader

Where an interviewer makes out of pocket comments and Reneé stands up for you

Reneé Rapp Masterlist | Words: 1.7k

-----

Booking Mean Girls was your breakthrough, you had some small roles in TV shows here and there, but getting to play the main character in this rendition of a movie you loved dearly, is what put your acting career on the map. 

Your girlfriend and co-star, Reneé, had helped prepare you for your first big interview. In the preparations she had also mentioned that interviewers could be a hit or a miss, and that there were reporters out there that definitely should not be in the industry. You didn’t take the warning lightly, but assumed your first ever interview would not be with an interviewer that was a part of the minority that didn’t treat people right.

Nothing in the kind and welcoming introduction when you got to the studio could have prepared you for the change that was coming your way. With the camera rolling and the spotlights on you, you were ready to start the interview. Reneé was to your side, and the interviewer sat off to the side behind the camera’s.

“Hello and welcome back to another interview! Today we have Reneé Rapp and Y/n Y/l/n, two stars of the newest Mean Girls movie. Welcome girls, it’s a pleasure to have you here.” You and Reneé both smile, “Thank you for having us.” You say for the both of you.

“Let’s dive right in. Reneé, how excited are you for the release of your new film?” Renee immediately lit up, “Yeah, I am super excited. It has been so much fun being able to portray Regina again, I honestly cannot wait for everyone to see the movie.”

The interviewer nods and moves to you, “And Y/n, how has it been to work on your first big movie set?” You were still a little nervous, so you looked over to Reneé for comfort. Her reassuring smile was all it took for you to feel more comfortable. “It was an incredible experience. Everyone on the team was amazing, and I learned so much while working on creating a movie that I cannot wait to share with the world.”

“Reneé, obviously you’ve been in the spotlight for quite a bit.” She nods in agreement, “How was it working with a relatively new face like Y/n.” Your girlfriend looked over to you with nothing but love in her eyes. “It was great to see in action, she brought an energy to the team that was exactly what we needed. She is very talented, and working with her was amazing. I hope to be privileged enough to be able to work with her again.” 

“The fans can’t seem to stop shipping your characters, as well as the two of you. Would you like to share the story of how you met?” Since Reneé answered the last question, you took this one. “We had met a couple times shortly though a mutual friend, but really connected during the audition process for Mean Girls.” Reneé nodded along with you, “You could say that the chemistry read was off the chart with us.” She adds with a wink, that leaves you giggling. 

The ease you were feeling during the interview was quickly gone with the next question that was asked. “Y/n, how are you dealing with being in the spotlight? Are you keeping up with all the attention, or is it overwhelming for someone with your background?” You had been very open about your past, and not growing up with a lot of money, but the way this question was formulated made a shiver run down your spine.

“Oh eh it’s definitely a big change, but I am grateful for my team, coworkers like Reneé, and the fans for accepting me into this world and supporting me in my career.” The interviewer nods, and you get a feeling he wasn’t done just yet. 

“Speaking of change, it must be quite an adjustment from your humble beginnings to now being the lead in what is expected to be a hit movie. Do you think you would’ve made it this far if you weren’t dating someone in the industry, who has the proper experience?” 

The question takes the both of you by surprise. Reneé reaches out her hand and places it on your upper leg, to offer you some kind of comfort. “I believe I’ve earned my place here.” You were not going to let him paint this picture where you got everything handed to you on a silver plate. “Every audition, every role, and every late night spent studying lines, it brought me here. I have worked very hard to be a part of this industry, as has every actor I’ve ever met.”

The interviewer smirks, clearly not satisfied with your answer, “Alright, but don’t you think that being in a relationship with someone as established as Reneé might give you an unfair advantage? I mean, how do you think people perceive your success? As earned, or just as a result of dating your girlfriend?”

Reneé is ready to burst, but you stand up before she can say anything. “I refuse to be disrespected like this, I’ve worked too hard to let someone like you undermine my accomplishments. This interview is over.” With that you rip off the microphone pack and walk out of the room. 

“You should be ashamed of yourself. Y/n is an incredibly talented actress, who has earned every bit of success through her own hard work. The fact that you’d suggest otherwise says more about you than it does about her. Like she said, this interview is over and we do not sign off on you using any of this.” After defending you, Reneé rushes off to find you. 

She found you pacing the hallway. The moment your eyes find hers, you rush into her arms. “I am so sorry he said all of that. You worked very hard to get where you are today, and I am so proud of you. I am also very proud of you for standing up for yourself, I know that isn’t always easy in situations like this.” 

You shake your head, “Who does he think he is, asking these kinds of questions?” Reneé shakes her head. “A low life who wants to make money off of other people’s misery, but don’t worry, I told him that we do not give him the right to use the footage of today.”

Reneé took you home, where you spent a relaxing afternoon together, full of cuddles and comfort. This was definitely not the first big interview you had in mind, but there was nothing you could change about it. Together with Reneé, you had gotten both your managers together and explained everything that happened, and to let them know that neither one of you would ever agree to interview with the company again. 

A few days later, against all your expectations he had released the interview against your wishes, and painted you as the bad guy. You were angry, and were in constant meetings with your management to figure out what your options were.

Between calls Reneé got the perfect opportunity, so you got both your managers on the phone again. “Drew Barrymore just called and said that if we want to, she wants to give us the opportunity to talk about the interview on her show. She wants to give us a platform to create change in the industry.” You take over from your girlfriend. “Yeah, we already talked about it amongst ourselves, and would love to grasp this opportunity. I know how horrible it was for me, and I want to be a part of making a change.”

Both managers agree, and the next day you are on Drew’s show. The experience of being interviewed by her was a stark contrast to your first interview, and you were glad to know that there were good people out there. 

Drew let you speak on what happened at the interview, and how they used the footage while you had retracted your consent for them to use it. “And Y/n, have you seen the reactions of your fans?” You shake your head, “No, I’ve honestly tried to ignore everything surrounding the release of that video.” Drew nods, “That is very fair. I have a compilation of a few things we have found online, and would love to show it to you. Only if you are up for it of course, it’s up to you.”

You end up agreeing, and Drew instructs her crew to play it on the big screen. It starts off with a few screenshots of YouTube comments and tweets of fans defending you, which already got to you. You watched the screen with teary eyes, and leaned into Reneé for comfort. She wraps her arm around you and pulls you even closer. 

Then the video shows some of your co-stars defending your honour, as well a bunch of people from the industry. At that point you could no longer keep your tears in. Reneé kissed your shoulder, and rubbed her free hand over your arm. 

“I didn’t mean to make you cry!” Drew says when she notices the tears on your cheeks. You wipe them away, “Happy tears, don’t worry. Thank you for showing me this, and thank you to everyone that defended my honour. Your support means the absolute world to me.”

The rest of the interview was focussed on your upcoming coming, in the form of a redo from the failed interview. This time you and Reneé both felt comfortable and safe, all thanks to Drew and her team.

With this interview you were sad that it had to come to an end, but walked off feeling content. Drew listened to everything the both of you had to say, and shared the same enthusiasm as the two of you did about the new movie. 

“Thank you.” You say to Reneé, once you’re in your dressing room. “What for?” She asks with her brows slightly furrowed. “Just for always being there for me. I love you.” She smiles and pulls you in for a hug. “I love you too, and I will always have your back.”

-----

💗 If you enjoyed this fic, please consider liking, commenting, and reblogging! You can also supporting me by leaving a tip 💗

[writingstoraes]

Hey! Your social media fics are so freaking cute, I love them so much 🥹 If you do take requests, could you please do one which is Charles x singer!reader (who's pretty famous, on like a Taylor Swift or Selena Gomez level) announcing their relationship or just like a random vacation post? Thank you so much, I hope I didn't make the request too long <33

relationship release 💿

pairing: charles leclerc/fem!singer!reader

type: instagram imagine/social media au

notes: tysm for requesting this, anon 🤍 my first time doing a request so i hope you like it! used hailee steinfeld for the faceclaim :') not revised so please expect errors hehe lmk what u think!

about: you and charles go public just in time for your album release!

yourusername

liked by taylorswift, zendaya, charles_leclerc, and 3,582,918 others

yourusername A photo dump to commemorate the busiest months of my life 📷 from recording my new album (which I am very excited for you guys to hear), taking time for myself, to rehearsing for my world tour. Grateful to be doing what I am passionate about every single day of my life ❤️

zendaya You look amazing, can't wait for the album, love! 💋💋

y/nqueen MAM DID U JUST SOFT LAUNCH A MAN

filmsy/n ik what the fuck she did not just casually drop a soft launch in the middle of the noise of her new album 😭

popgirlsz Am I seeing this right or is the queen of pop in a relationship....

selenagomez Excited for the tour ❤️ Will be in front row for sureeee

singzqueen THIS IS NOT A DRILL SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND OH MY GODDDD

f1fan Oh my god Charles liked? Maybe hes the guy 🫣

popthusiast u reaching too much lmaooo maybe hes just a fan

yourusername

liked by ashleybenson, florencepugh, billieeilish, and 3,981,234 others

yourusername My new album Red Letters comes out in 3 days. ❤️ It has been an incredible journey working on this masterpiece and I cannot wait for you guys to enter the pages of the stories I want to share. Red Letters is all about being wrapped in a heart-shaped dynamic, letting an amalgamation of sensations embrace us as we finally let love in.

As for me, well, loving him has always been red.

florencepugh Loving everything already and it's not even out yet! Such amazing work you've done ❣️

taylorswift My girl ❤️

popgirly/n girlie telling us her new album is about love after soft launching a week ago oh i cant breathe

lanadelslays She knows how to keep us on the hook 😭

yn4ever "Loving him has always been red" QUEEN WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

popfan21 guy lucky as hell imagine being talked about like that... by y/n... living his best life fr

ynlover THE PICTURE IS SO CUTE TOO THATS PROBABLY THEM

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, carlossainz55, lewishamilton, and 1,997,239 others

charles_leclerc Immensely excited about the Red Letters release: not only because of the new, amazing music Y/N will be sharing to the world but because today is the day I get to show everyone the love of my life. Every day it feels like I'm in a fever dream because I'm with someone so talented, charming, and kind.

Mon angè, you never fail to amaze me. My heart is full just seeing you conquer the world. Je tàime, yourusername ❤️

PS. I guess I am the red guy, yes?

carlossainz55 Finally! Charles has been waiting for this moment for quite some time now 🤣

danielricciardo Okay we see you Mr. Red Guy 👀

zendaya Take care of her or there will be consequences!

ilpredestinato KINGGGG SO DESERVED U GUYS ARE SO CUTE

charlos1655 such a hot couple too god they are so

pierregasly Finally went to Y/N's concert without wearing a disguise I am happy for you mate 👏

itpopgirl power couple ugh we love to see it

---------

tagging: @slytherheign hope ure doing well mwah

notes: this took me some time lmao anyways pls bare w me if i use the same usernames for the fan reactions on twitter its so harddd thinking of new usernames everytime 😭 i hope u liked this, anon! lmk what u guys think <33 tysm for reading!

[felassan]

Snippets. 🐺💜

Corinne: "PC has been a priority for us! It’s heartening to see so many PC champions on the team working hard to make this a great experience" [source]

Corinne: "Enjoy shield-bashing and drop-kicking hurlocks off the ramparts! Don’t forget to toss that shield around too" [source]

User: "I love that they chose a no mage party to showcase. 😂 The two companions thing had me a little worried that I’d have to take a warrior and a mage into battle with my Rook rogue all the time." / Corinne: "We know players get attached to certain characters, so while there are benefits to having one of each class, it’s completely viable and intended that you can find synergies with a variety of party comps" [source]

Each Background has a specific last name, very much inspired by the approach in Origins [source]

Corinne: "We’ve put a lot of effort into ensuring our gameplay and customized difficulty options allow players to find something comfortable and engaging for themselves. I’m sure you’ll do great! It was one of the biggest challenges in designing the combat system, as we know the Dragon Age player-base has a wide range of motivations and expectations." [source]

Corinne mentioned to a user who said that they prefer a warrior/mage experience but without all the slash and spin of rogue attacks that they might enjoy the Warrior Reaper spec [source]

Hrungr noticed that it looks like you can hide your armor as well as your helmet [source]

Mary: "True fact: For the longest time, in the DA writers' pit, we had "It has been __ (usually 0) days since someone mentioned cannibalism" on the whiteboard." [source]

Gabe, posting the release date reveal trailer: "My friends, I have made an effort to avoid shilling too much here so that when I do, it'll be worth it. I love this game and the team that brought it to life so much." [source]

Bryce: "if I may workpost for a sec, I'm forever grateful for days like today when I get to gush about dragon age with the fans this community is so welcoming and my heart is so full today 💜" [source]

The ray-tracing NVIDIA video from earlier this week that showed mage combat was showing early-on mage combat [source]

Blair: "the achievement names include some personal career highlights for me." [source]

Trick on the podcast: "The [DA:TV game] writers were pretty tapped with other stuff at the time, sadly, but I think it came together great." [source]

Though neither option is wrong or evil, making Cole more human in DA:I leaves him sadder [source]

John: "honestly it’s a very strange feeling to go from a half decade of ‘dragon age? maaaaybe we’re making a new one? tee hee’ to actually being able to talk about it" [source]

John: "been busy all day so I just got to read some of the reactions to the DATV combat showcase. I am incredibly proud of this team and I’m thrilled to see people excited about it. even after spending every day with it for the last 5 years I still love playing it." [source]

John: "being creative director means i work with pretty much every single department and team on the project. everyone brings creativity and innovation to their roles and the project would be nothing without them (and it)" [source]

John: "am I playing our game for fun on a Friday night, I certainly am. romancing my own companion to do one last check to make sure all the conditionals work. folks it is a very strange thing" [source, two]

[builtbybrokenbells]

LEX TALIONIS - the law of retaliation, whereby a punishment resembles the offense committed in kind and degree.

The one in which the player, who is fantastically gifted in her ability to play, finally gets a taste of her own medicine.

PAIRING: Jake Kiszka x f!reader, Josh Kiszka x f!reader

WORD COUNT: TBD

WARNINGS: SMUT 18+ (lots because everyone is a whore in this one) (list of full warnings within each chapter), drinking, smoking, swearing, angst, sorry if i miss any!

I. ORSUS | TEASER

II. MALUS

III. VENEFICA

IV. FRATRES SEMPER

V. LEX TALIONIS

STORY DISCLAIMER: to ensure there is no confusion, this is not a love story 😉 all my love x

DISCLAIMER: I do not know Greta Van Fleet or any of the members personally. This is all fiction and I will never claim otherwise. I attempt to keep all of my work 100% original, so please do not steal or take credit for my writing. As of right now, I aim to get chapters out on weekends, but it is not guaranteed as I do have a full time job and other responsibilities to attend to. Please be patient and kind to me. Do not mind any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes, as I am the sole writer/editor for my blog and do miss things sometimes.

TAGLIST: if you would like to be added to the Lex Talionis taglist, fill out this form. i promise i will see it, and if i happen to miss you, don’t be scared to ask again!

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: I am incredibly grateful for all of the support, likes, reblogs and kind comments I receive from all of you. I would be nothing without your support, and I do take the time to read and appreciate every reply and message, even if I don’t respond. Thank you so much for all you do, and I sincerely hope that you enjoy this story as much as I do 🫶🏻

all things lex talionis:

playlist: apple music | spotify

moodboard:

[erinwantstowrite]

hey how does it feel to have such a popular fic that gets hundreds of thousands of hits and people making fanart and sending asks and stuff? is it scary to know so many people are looking at your work? do you ever feel like you need to hold yourself to a certain standard so you dont disappoint people? or feel burnt out? (sorry if this is a weird ask, i love your work and was just wondering <3)

actually, it kind of is scary!

i'm not a stranger to a popular fic (...wattpad days are behind me) but now that i'm older i feel different about it? i guess? like as a kid, i didn't fully understand what it meant to have a lot of people looking at my stuff. but now i'm an adult and i'm like "oh!" it's scary but in a fun way?

i never expected for LoF or Home to get so popular, i've always just wrote for fun and practice. (i have a couple of original works that i've been working on as well, and fanfic is a great way to get creative juices flowing, etc.) seeing how far it's come in such a short amount of time is incredible, and i hope i can continue to inspire people like this with my other works. one day, maybe people will read my original works and feel the same they do about LoF :)

seeing all of the amazing artwork, tiktoks, and clothing!!! that people made!! of my designs!! (with permission lol) is so so so awesome. everyone is so talented, and i'm really grateful for it. it makes my day to see something that i wrote or drew has an impact on people enough to inspire them. when i first started writing, i was on the other side of that. now being the one who gets sent the asks and gets comments and love and stuff, it's so much fun!

i think it gets overwhelming only because i'm constantly aware that i'm just a person, at the end of the day. and that the bigger i get, the more responsibility that comes with it. my platform might be relatively small, but it's important that i use it in a good way.

it's why i don't make promises unless i know i can keep them. i don't keep an update schedule so i don't put pressure on myself, and i don't lose momentum or motivation. inspiration comes in waves, and i am at the mercy of that. keeping up with myself is the best way to ensure i can still create and have fun with it. the last thing i want is to disappoint anyone by making a promise and then having to take it back.

[jolapeno]

the yearly round up

so, i am not someone who tends to toot their own horn a lot, but i thought i could be forgiven since it's my birthday. if there were a party, i'd maybe give a speech, right? so, instead of talking about myself, i thought id talk about my work and some of my fave things I've written this year and a little bit as to why. for this list, i have not included late night texts purely because i gave it a lot of love on my last secret birthday. and equally, as do me yourself comes to a close during this one, i feel it's having such a hot moment in the sun, i didn't want to bore everyone. also because if you ask me anything about dmy i won't shut the fuck up. to ask anything about these just add an 🍊.

anytime javier p x f!reader

best friends who go to a wedding only to realise they're in love? sounds like jo. this story fell out of me upon seeing a moodboard by /wildemaven and god i love them. i think about them so often and it makes me want to write him like this again. just fun, easy. it helped me find my nerve to tackle him again after a break when LNT finished, so it was nice to hang with him again.

in my room javier p x f!reader

this idea lived in my head for so long, it went through so many variations until we landed on this. i loved writing it because i hadn't written him like this, and how closed off they both were was so much fun. not having a resolved ending was tough to, but it was also really nice?

i like the way you frankie m x f!reader

would it even be a list if i don't include this? it's a work that on the surface might just feel like a lot of fun. and it is, for sure. but also this fic really taught me a lot and helped create a new relationship with sex. i won't bore or dwell on sad things, but even with therapy, a solid and healthy relationship, this fic helped heal some lasting wounds with my relationship with sex. all through the eyes of two friends who were just trying not to confess they loved one another. so very jo.

up sky, low high frankie m x f!reader

im not sure why this man makes me write some incredible smut (IMO, ofc) but he does??? this one wouldn't exist without @morallyinept urging me on, because honestly i wouldn't have had the guts without her convincing me. but, god i think about this fic a lot? i write a lot of lovely romance, but the romance in this with the smut? i never EVER thought id find that balance. and i did, have, yay!

be good, be you joel miller x f!reader

never in a million years did i think this would have been so popular. and that's not why it's on this list. it's on this list because i lived with this fic for weeks. every bit of rain the UK we had, i thought of this. anyone who knows me, knows how much i love bill + frank joel, so this was like giving into an idea that i thought would only live in my head. and now, it's there, and I'm not ashamed to say i re-read it a lot.

meet you once, saw you thrice lucien flores x f!reader

who'd have thought this would make this list? not me. but it has, and god. i really tested myself with this one. creating him was days of churning over interviews of other actors, of finding who he is in the centre of fucking nothing. and then pouring my heart into it for lovely @pedgito and god am i grateful that's the moodboard i was given. i was terrified (ali will attest) but now i am so proud of it. i love it, and him. I'm almost terrified now to see the movie and watch this version die and wilt hahaha.

din and the travelling of planets din djarin x f!reader

not a one shot, but a collection, because i spent longer trying to choose than i did dwelling on choosing the rest and writing this post. i never thought id step back into star wars, but i'm so glad i did. din and his girl, seeing different planets together, letting us see the world through her eyes. there's a lot of my writing I'm proud of, but I'm most proud of the lines in this. because i get to describe in a way where i don't feel its redundant. because we're seeing it at the same time as she is. i also have so much fun each time i get to write him, and that, makes me happy.

[azrielgreen]

Looking back at the last 2 years🖤

Huge energy shift happening in slow motion the last few weeks. Either go with the change and embrace the new energy or stay another cycle.

I feel so happy and excited that I got to write everything I wanted in the Steddie pairing and was able to share it with the people who WANTED to read it. I've always written for myself and I always will, but to have touched a few people along the way and brought a little light where it might not otherwise have been, that's a beautiful experience for me. I'm so grateful to everyone who reached out with kindness and passion. I'm grateful to have been so inspired. And I'm so happy I get to share more with you now as I go with the energetic shift that March always brings and follow the river where she leads.

There are several works about to be completed by me over the next week and even more after that, which is why I haven't been around much. This is so thrilling for me, honestly. Completing works is even better than starting them.

I'll always be writing for me, and sharing it with anyone who might like it. But as the energy shifts more and more, I wanted to share specifically what I'm grateful for the last few years and some of my best memories.

One of the first long comments I got on WSJK, it made me cry.

The first time I randomly saw a TikTok about my fics, nothing like that had ever happened to me before.

When I sold out the YD tarot deck in a single day.

People encouraging me to start a Patreon and then so many signing up!

Waking up to 100+ comments on ch2 of BOD.

Everyone who read week by week on You're Divine and supported me.

The people I met here who are my beloved friends now in real life

Those who reached out to share their own experiences with me.

Fanart, all of it♥︎ but especially the first piece that was ever sent to me by someone who asked me not to share it. If you, the artist, sees this (Eddie with his wrist over his mouth) please know that I still look at it every day.

To have inspired anyone, even just a little.

The freedom to write professionally.

Every single learning experience, bad or good.

The growing confidence to write whatever I want and share it.

Writing with @thorniest-rose

Bringing Little Bit to life - a character I've always had inside me who never had a name until YD.

Every comment showing the generosity of kindness people are capable of.

And most of all, the FUN I had every step of the way with these boys and the stories I got to tell through transformative works. You have no idea how much I ✨️LOVE✨️ writing, how fucking happy I am while working madly on a project. It's been INCREDIBLE to be so inspired for so long. It's not a chore for me, I don't care about reader numbers or popularity or anything like that, I just fucking LOVE to write and this pairing has been pure ecstacy to work with.

Bring on March, bring on the transformation and the fresh new ideas and the forward momentum. I can't fucking wait!!

Love, Azriel.

✨️💕💜💜💜💕✨️

[femmefighter]

Incoming rant - please scroll past to avoid this downer if you want.

I'm so disappointed in all of the events/fanart/servers/works etc that treat the Ahsoka series like the WolfWren or the SabEzra show. I got so heavily into Star Wars because of one character: Ahsoka. I was so freaking excited when they announced her live action series, and even more excited when, on viewing the trailer, saw that it was going to centre around multiple strong female characters! Seriously, I would jabber on to even non-Star Wars friends about how excited I was about the push of female characters in this show. And awesome female characters at that!!

I go looking for fan-created merch, be it artwork or clothing etc, and I am left so freaking wanting because everything is WolfWren. I am so starved for content that is of the main character of the show, I am at a complete loss at how the fandom has turned its back on such an incredible character for favour of a non-canon, self-proclaimed-toxic-yuri ship.

I know, I know, ship and let ship. I'm totally down with that. I love fandom art and fanfiction in general. I love me some gorgeous WolfWren art (not a SabEzra shipper, but that's a separate rant that we don't need to air, but I love their sibling relationship!). I might even love a bit of WolfWren fanfiction (very occasionally). And I have found one small, safe space on a server where I can safely indulge in my tiny little Sokabine tugboat of a ship (on Bo-Katan-centric server of all places, WTF? But damn I am so grateful for that space and those moderators). I know my ship is niche, (I don't know how, but anyway) I know I'm not going to find anyone who is as die-hard over my ship as I am. I expected that.

What I didn't expect was to find myself so lacking in Ahsoka-the-character content in fandom spaces supposedly dedicated to the Ahsoka show. Everyone loves a good ship, but the lack of other ships that could be celebrated from the show (NightDaughter, Herasoka, MonHera, ShinSoka, Morgbine, whatever!) I find is reflective of a lack of interest in the character traits of the individuals. To me, it seems like fans are more interested in an aesthetic than they are on histories, values and idiosyncrasies of the characters themselves.

Anyway, if you've got to the end of this rant, thank you for reading. Again, I don't mean to hate on such ships. I was actually just as excited as everyone else at how the actors validated WolfWren as a ship to enjoy, considering it was femslash fanfiction that made me feel less alone when I was a closeted teen nearly two decades ago. I'm just frustrated at the lack of space in the fandom for content that is different.

[askinkiskarma]

Illicit Affairs | Chapter VII: Hoax

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: Tensions erupt when Neteyam confronts you about something he saw. His secret comes out at the worst time, leaving you both in pieces. 

Warnings: (a little) smut (18+, Minors DNI), angst, mentions of blood mentions of death, injury, pills, pill addiction, opioid addiction, disease, cursing, some fluff + all the feels.

Word Count: 9,5k words (holy mother)

A/N: This is it, guys! Where tensions explode and secrets come come out, hearts are bound to be broken. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I put everything into it. I cried whilst writing it, I laughed whilst writing it, pretty sure I experienced the full spectrum of human emotions whilst doing this. Also, I have ignored my actual work to finish it, so if I fail my annual progression review, at least it would have been worth it. Let me know what you think, and as always, thank you for everyone who is reading is and asked to be tagged &lt;;3

"My only one, my kingdom come undone My broken drum, you have beaten my heart Don't want no other shade of blue, but you No other sadness in the world would do"

“There are perks with being an Omatikaya, you know? You can make your bow out of the wood of the Home Tree… and you can choose a mate.” 

Fuck. 

“Lo’ak… be serious.”

“I am serious, Angel. You’ve been in my life for as long as I can remember. You have always been the only one to see me for more than just a freak, or a fuck-up, or a disappointment. You see me.”

The younger Sully boy gently cupped you face in his hand; he was caressing your cheek with his thumb. Using a little force, he willed your face upwards so you could look up at his face; you were surprised to see the intensity in his eyes. 

You placed your hand on his arm, and you hoped by slowly massaging it, it would relax him enough to soften your following words. 

“Lo’ak… I do see you. You are an incredible person. You have been there for me my whole life, and I will be forever grateful to you. You have been the only one who constantly chose the dark stuffy lab to the beauty of this world because the labs had me in it, you were closest to my mum and she loved you like you were her own. I think you are the most amazing guy there is and I think your mate will be the luckiest girl there is. But that’s not me, Lo’ak. You know that can’t be me.”

His hand dropped from your face and both of his hands took yours in them, squeezing them ardently. 

“But it is you. It has to be you.” 

“Kehe (no). Lo’ak, you are my best friend. I am your best friend. I love you so much, and I know you love me too, but the love we have for each other is not the kind of love one needs to be mated for life.” 

You spoke softly, looking at him pleadingly, hoping that he would understand your words in the way that you intend them. You can see his gaze drop and form deflate, being replaced by a meek one, a shadow of his former self. 

“Oh… I see.” He was now turning his back to you, trying to leave without looking you in the eye. You were not going to let that happen.

“I’m not letting you leave.” You say, keeping his hands tightened in yours. “We will talk about this, and you will recognise I am right.” 

Neteyam was having trouble seeing as he was manoeuvring his way through the forest. He felt sick to his stomach and every heartbeat sent waves of hurt through his entire body, like shards of glass gutting him from inside out. How could his own brother do this? How could you do this? He has spent more than two months with you, every day, sending touches and glances your way that were begging to be seen, begging to be acknowledged. He secretly prayed that you would call him out on it, give him a reason to finally tell you that he’s loved you since he was 10 and yearned for your touch since the second his eyes fell on you again after a whole year apart. He wanted you to finally give him a reason to tell everyone to fuck off and let him finally live his life by his own rules, with you by his side. 

Neteyam was shaking with tempestuous fury at the unfairness of it all. Lo’ak will always get everything just handed to him on a silver platter, won’t he? Freedom, to make his own choices, to live his life as he wished, carelessly and devoid of any forethought or responsibility. And now he got you, the woman of his dreams - and nightmares - and the future he used to fantasise would one day be his. 

His legs were moving without any conscious input from his mind, and before long, he found himself on the way to the clearing you and him used to go to all the time. Your place, just for his and your eyes to see, just for his and your hearts to experience. As he was nearing, he heard soft sounds emerging from the spot, and he slowly, carefully approached with a bow at the ready and all his senses heightened. 

“We were in the backseat, drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar…

I rent a place on Cornelia Street, I say casually in the car…”

Soft strumming and the most beautiful voice he has ever heard, a voice that he would recognise anywhere, for the rest of time, made him drop the bow he was gripping tightly. That song, Neteyam thought with a wince, and let himself remember.

“This piece of heaven is our Cornelia Street.” 

“What’s Cornelia Street?”

“Well, it’s a place back on Earth where one of her houses used to be, but in this case, it’s a metaphor. Cornelia Street is to them what this clearing is to us.” 

A month before your 17th birthday is the last day Neteyam saw you. He was coming to say goodbye. You didn’t know that, and, in your enthusiasm at seeing him after such a long time because of his training, or so he told you, you suggested coming here. Neteyam remembers everything about that day. He didn’t sleep that night, cried himself to sleep quietly in his family’s tent thinking of the possibility of not seeing you again, for a long time, perhaps forever. He had decided that his mum was right. Being around you was hurting you both, and maybe by leaving, both of you could heal and move on. He wouldn’t have to live with causing you more pain than you already had to deal with, and you wouldn’t have to go outside, something that you were only doing for him, it seemed. It was a win-win, he thought, and yet his heart was torn apart, coming apart at the seams of wounds that barely healed. 

You were sitting on the ground, resting your back on a rock by the river bank, with the same guitar in your hands you have had since you were young. Neteyam thought he probably heard thousands of songs being played on that guitar, countless hours laying just like he was now, hearing you sing. He did not like humans, could not understand them, their world, their traditions, their beliefs, but watching you strum that guitar and singing about your love, a love neither of you could ever say out loud except in this way, he realised humans did some things right. Humanity did you right. 

“We were a fresh page on the desk, filling in the blanks as we go

As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead, leading us home”

Neteyam watched you intently, and was trying to assimilate the lyrics as best he could, knowing this was always your preferred method of communication, knowing that through these songs you are confessing your true, buried desires. You looked at him as you sang, giving him a big smile.

“And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again”

A year and a half later, inhabiting a new body, you were not smiling anymore as you were playing this, the strumming on the guitar slower and more sorrowful, and your voice sounded hoarse, like you had been crying. Neteyam couldn’t believe that you would come here, in his and your secret place and sing the song you silently confessed your feelings to, after what he saw. He felt his anger poison his body, as his heart picked up pace and made his heartbeat ring painfully in his ears, muffling the sound of your voice. 

“I never did walk Cornelia Street again after that day, you know? I kept my promise.” 

Neteyam freezes in place, a shocked expression marring his features. You heard him, even with your back to him, even while playing and with the soft hum of the river to dull your senses, you knew. Felt him, his presence that charged this clearing like the air before lighting strike. He, however, does not seem to hear the hint of sadness in your voice, nor the sniffling that accompanies it. 

“It took me a while to figure out you weren’t going to come back. It did not dawn on me right away. I thought you were just training hard, as you had been for years at that point, I didn’t think anything of it. I only figured it out a month after I played you this song, when my birthday came and you didn’t show. I waited all day. Way past eclipse, way past the point everyone else was gone and sleeping peacefully, I waited. I didn’t sleep that night. I was afraid I was going to miss you and no one would be able to let you through the door. It never occurred to me you wouldn’t show - not until the dawn of the next day. That’s when it hit.”

“I remember singing you this song, I was terrified. I mean, we talked around it all of our lives, I sang you songs, and I read you poems, and you’d sleep in my bed and let me attach myself to you in a way no friend ever would. But this song, I thought, would be the one. The one that would make us finally have to talk through it. The night before, I had watched an episode of Gilmore Girls, right? And it’s that episode when Dean pitches up at Rory’s school after she drops him hints that she’s in love with him, and he gets mad for one reason or another and then she screams at him “I love you, you idiot!”. And he drops all the stuff he was holding and rushes to her and kisses her, like really kisses her. And I remember thinking, I’m going to sing you this song, and this will be my “I love you, you idiot” moment.”

Neteyam walked slowly towards your form that was still turned around from him, and felt two forces tugging at him, ripping him apart. On one hand, there was the rage, and jealousy, the monster that wanted to scream at you, to hurt you for breaking his heart without even acknowledging it. On the other, there was deep sadness and grief, for the new information that he is receiving, for knowing what this meant to you, what he did to you, how he left you the day that you confessed, how that only strengthened his resolve. He didn’t know which was going to win. 

“I never had any expectations. I was never delusional enough to think that you would ever choose me. But I did have dreams. And in the dreams, you told me you loved me too, and that whatever it was, we would always be able to work through it together. That day after my birthday, I felt like something ripped apart in me that I’ve never recovered from. I’ve lost so much of myself throughout the years, every time something new came up. I’ve been in pieces, broken and shattered, my whole life, and yet somehow you managed to walk away with the biggest piece. Because I could never put you in a drawer at the bottom of my desk, like all my other pieces. You were never truly gone, you were just far enough that I could never reach you, but near enough that I could never heal. I mourned you, mourned the me that you took with you, every day for months. Losing you broke me, Neteyam. You broke me. I will never forgive you for that night.”

“Well I guess we’re both fucking disappointed with each other then.” 

Neteyam saw you shoulders hunch even more than they were and your head bow towards the ground. You hand raised to your cheeks and wiped something off your face, before you finally stood up and and turned around, facing him. Neteyam’s breath caught in his throat at the new sight. Your eyes were puffy and red, and tears marked your cheeks, so pronounced it was as if they would stain your face forever. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He felt his own tears threatening to spill then, pricking at his eyes painfully, begging to be released. There was so much pain inside of him, pain you caused him, pain for the hurt he knew he caused you, pain that felt like it will never diminish. 

“You’re sitting here, talking about that night and this song, in this place that once meant so much to us, after giving yourself to another man, to my fucking brother, and you want me to feel bad?”

He saw your face slowly register his words, as if you were mulling over every word carefully, turning it in your mind, and saw how your face went from sad to cold and unflinching and a shiver ran down his spine. You rose an eyebrow at him, an expression only he seemed to have the power to coax out of you. 

“What did you just say?” 

“You heard me. I saw you. I saw you in the forest, his hands all over you, I saw you running your hand up and down his arm. I’ve known he has been sneaking in your tent for weeks. What are you doing with my baby brother in your tent late at night, Y/N?”

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE II: ANGER

“You honestly have some fucking nerve, Neteyam.” 

“You do not get to come here, come to this place, or any place for that matter and demand an explanation from me. I don’t owe you anything. You fucking left, Neteyam! We’re nothing to each other. Whatever claim or right you might have had once to ask anything of me or from me is long gone.” 

Neteyam stalked towards where you were standing, your words echoing in his mind. He was mad, mad at you for what you did, but also mad at himself. Because he knew you were right. He had no right to come here after abandoning you and the relationship you two had and be angry that you moved on. And yet he was. 

He was so close to you now he could feel your breath fanning over his face as you looked up at him, panting with anger, lips slightly opened. He couldn’t help look at them, those lips he has dreamed about for years, the way they’d feel on him, their taste… your taste. It was driving him insane, being so close to you, knowing what he knew. 

“Why? Why Lo’ak? You could have picked anyone else.”

You chuckled bitterly. “Really? So if I picked Akoa or Tärze, you wouldn’t be here right now, wouldn’t be mad and looking at me like somehow I betrayed you?” 

“Or is it possible it doesn’t actually matter who it is, it’s not the fact that it’s Lo’ak… it’s the fact it’s not you.” 

“You see, I think deep down you know it should have been you. I think deep down it kills you that you are not in my tent late at night. You’re not the one that gets to touch me.” he felt your hand place over his bare chest and run it down his abdomen until it reached his red loin cloth, which you slightly tugged at. He felt his cock twitch in response. 

You don’t know what came over you. You came here to mourn, still reeling after your conversation with Lo’ak. You never expected to see him here, hear his presence while you sang the song that once signified hope and love, and now is just a bitter reminder of all you’ve lost. You definitely never expected him to question you over Lo’ak, or be so angry over something that would never happen anyway. 

You were furious with him, furious that he never told you how he felt for you, and now he was clearly showing it to you by his displays of anger and jealousy. This was not how this was supposed to go. 

You felt a sick satisfaction at his demeanour. You made him like this, this angry, nose flared and panted breaths, you had this power over him. Just the thought of you with another man drove him to this point, and you loved it. He deserved it, deserves much worse. 

“You should leave, Neteyam.”

You started turning your back to him, but he took hold of your arm and kept you in place forcefully. His other hand went to your neck, and you felt him wrapping his hand around it and squeezing. 

“No.” 

You were shocked at his actions, and even more shocked at the immediate reaction your body had to him. You felt throbbing deep within you, and squeezed your thighs tightly together to accommodate for the feeling. 

“I’m not leaving until you tell me. Did you fuck my brother, Atan (light)?” 

He was still squeezing your throat, and you felt your pulse quickening when he moved and took a hold of you jaw, forcing you to look in his eyes. He looked mad, sad, desperate for an answer that would either mend or break him. You felt his intense stare in every cell in your body and felt yourself clench around nothing. 

You wanted to lie, wanted to see him suffer at least some of the hurt he’s caused you. But you couldn’t, not with how he was looking at you, not with how he was holding you. 

“Fuck you, Neteyam. I would never do that. Fuck you for thinking for a second that something like would ever even cross my mi-“

It wasn’t possible for you to finish the sentence, as his lips roughly slammed against yours, and you immediately, as if your body needed no input from your mind, raised your hands to the circle around his neck, pushing him closer to you. 

You moaned into the kiss, and the sound removed any ounce of sanity or self-discipline from his being, and he opened his mouth to deepen the kiss and slide his tongue over your bottom lip, begging for permission. 

He felt his hand drop back around your throat, squeezing, loving the feel of your quickened pulse, knowing he was responsible for it, for your swollen lips and dilated pupils, for the way you were squeezing your thighs together. You were his, to love, to touch, to do whatever he wanted to. 

He was so hard now, his loincloth was constricting around him painfully, and he knew if he kept going, he was not going to able to stop himself until you were writhing underneath him, until he made you beg and scream his name over and over, all night long. 

“Pathfinder, this is Devil Dog, come in, over.” 

Fuck. 

Your body ached at the loss of contact, as Neteyam removed his hand from around your throat and his lips from your own. He was panting, and tried to steady himself before he touched the little button on the radio on his neck, sighing deeply. 

“I’m here, Devil Dog. What’s your post? Over.” 

You turned your back to him, and took a few steps towards the river, trying to compose yourself. What the fuck did I just do? This was bad, for so many reasons, it was making you dizzy just counting them all. You couldn’t hear what Jake was saying to Neteyam, but it couldn’t have been good, it was very rare Jake would use the radio to communicate with his kids, you’ve only seen it once when there was a hunting accident that needed everyone’s attention. 

“You need to get back to the village, now. We have a situation. If Y/N is with you, bring her back, too. Over and out.” 

Shit, this can’t be good, Neteyam thought to himself. He looked over at you and saw you turned your back to him, hiding. You were good at that, pretending, denying, avoiding. Pushing your feelings aside was your favourite defence mechanism, had been ever since your mum died. 

His eyes softened and he felt stupid for having doubted you, for spending so many weeks losing sleep over something that never even happened. Guilt also immediately pooled in his gut from the kiss, the confession, the implications of it, all of which things he would have to deal with sooner or later. The horror at the thought of the consequences of his actions made his skin crawl, but he didn’t have too much time to dwell on it, knowing his dad expected them to hurry.

“Hey… we have to get back, dad said to meet him in the village.”

You nodded weakly in his direction, and started making your way towards the village. Once again, he found himself having to clasp your arm by your wrist and turn you around so you could face him. You refused to look at him, so he cupped your face in his hand and raised you head gently so you could look at him. His thumb was ghosting over your lips, that were still swollen and when his eyes met yours, he saw a sadness so deep it made Pandora’s oceans feel like shallow pools. 

“We need to talk, properly talk.” 

You just nodded silently and removed his hand from your face, and the last thing he saw was your back, walking away. 

You were deep in thought as you arrived in the village, and were pulled out of your musings when you saw a big commotion happening all around you. You have never seen the village like this.

There was a crowd of people by the big bonfire, so that’s where you and Neteyam figured to look first. 

“…and no matter what comes next, we will stand and fight, together!” You heard big screams and ululating as Jake’s voice boomed throughout the village, above all the noise. 

You saw Norm and Max, all the humans and avatars on the right of the Olo’yektan. On his left stood Mo’at, Neytiri and all their children, plus Spider. Lo’ak was screaming and beating his chest, whilst Kiri looked concerned, and Tuk was almost crying, with a tight grip on her mum’s hand. You made your way through the mass of people, reaching the foot of the large tree stump acting like a platform. Jake spotted you and helped you up, and you saw Neteyam following you from the corner of your eye. 

Since the speech was done, people started dissipating, and Jake turned his attention to the pair of you. 

“Last night, Neytiri and I spotted a star in the night sky that shone brighter than it ever had before.” 

Panic rose in your chest at his words, words that you knew could only mean one thing. “The humans are returning.” you said, meekly. 

Jake nodded in your direction with anger flashing across his face, before he composed himself. 

“We knew this day was coming, but it is definitely different when it is finally happening than the image you had in your head.” you heard Norm pitch in from somewhere behind Jake. 

“How long?” Neteyam asked. 

“About a week?” Max said, and the man with such a kind and gentle face was scared, you realised sadly. Everyone was scared. 

“Fuck.” Neteyam’s face was unreadable. The war he trained all his life for was finally on his doorstep. 

“I need you to complete your Iknimaya before then. Tomorrow, you will go perform your first kill. You are more than ready. It’s time. When the humans come, I need you with me. With us.”

You couldn’t swallow the lump that has formed in your throat enough to speak, so you just nodded. You were not ready. The last time you were on an Ikran, you almost died. You felt the phantom pain on your left leg flare up, and you were terrified at the prospect of another flashback triggering as you were fighting for your life on top of the Hallelujah mountains, trying to make the bond. 

The crowd eventually dispersed and everybody went back to their homes. There was a heaviness in the air, no smiles or singing tonight, no communal dinner where people animatedly exchange stories and anecdotes; you saw Na’vi hugging their loved ones, keeping them close at all times, as if letting go would mean letting go forever. The war was upon you, and with it, the possibility of loss and grief settled in the bones of every one of the villagers. 

You felt sick to your stomach. A shiver ran through your entire body, and, at the weakness that enveloped your being suddenly, you knew the effects of all the pills you took to mitigate your symptoms have worn off. The dizziness you felt was more than just a weak headache you could ride out, but a sign your human body was fighting to maintain the neurolink inside the pod. You didn’t have much time. 

“I’m gonna go to bed. See you all tomorrow.” You needed to be in your tent when you passed out, otherwise it would raise suspicion immediately and you couldn’t afford that. 

“Hey, you can’t leave. We still need to talk.” Neteyam said, lightly tugging at your arm. 

“Not today, Neteyam.” You removed your limb from his grasp and left without giving him a second look. 

You were pulled out of the linkpod quite violently by your own body recoiling in agony. You felt a stupid ping of gratefulness at the fact that, although due to horrible news, at least no one was in the lab or adjacent hubs at the current moment. You struggled to get up, and found the walk back to your room excruciating, like no matter how much you walked, it was not anywhere in sight. When you arrived, you went straight to the bathroom and barely managed to make it to the toilet before throwing up, your body violently convulsing in on itself, trying to expel everything from your body. You haven’t had a proper meal in this body in months, so all your body was managing to get rid of was bile, bitter and acidic on your tongue. 

When you were done, you pushed your body weakly towards the sink, and gargled the bad taste away with some water and mouth wash. You peered up at the mirror, and were alarmed by the face that met your gaze. You barely recognised yourself. Your face looked ghastly, the palest you have ever been, the hollows of your cheeks looking like pits of shadows and darkness. 

Your under-eye bags gave away how little sleep you were actually functioning under, how little rest you actually got in the last few months. You looked truly sick, although you didn’t know how much of that was the virus and how much it was just you… ignoring your body like you ignored everything that you had to work through, everything that required healing and spiritual effort, and trading it for a easy-to-digest fantasy.

You made your way towards your bed limply and was comforted by the bottles of pills you saw on your bedside table, that will provide fleeting relief. You passed out on the bed soon after, happy that the suffering could be over for at least some hours. 

You woke up a couple of hours before dawn, with a raging fever and chills running up and down your spine, and instead of struggling back to sleep, you got up slowly and put some clothes on, making your way towards the labs. Today was an important day, and you needed to be focused for it, you couldn’t afford the same thing as yesterday take place. In the medical ward, you scrambled in the drawers until you found what you were searching for. The holy grail, injectable morphine. You hastily grabbed a syringe and a needle, measured out the amount needed, shook the syringe to remove any air bubbles, and directed it to your arm, where you injected it in your vein. Placebo effect or not, you felt immediate relief, and you knew this would put you through the day. 

Norm came to the linkpod to help with the neurolink, and he gave you a worried look as he watched you settle in. 

“I think you should be taking a break from this.”

“Are you serious right now? The humans are literally circling the atmosphere as we speak, I can’t afford to take breaks now, you know this.”

“What I know is that you look about a week away from collapsing in my arms, and your Avatar won’t work without you, Ace. You’re always in the village, and you don’t sleep. You’re always running experiments when you are here. Look, I love your enthusiasm, and I love that you’ve finally getting outside and enjoying your life, but there’s also too much of a good thing.” 

You were started to feel anger pick at your brain, much like the virus you were carrying with you everywhere you went. 

“You made this for me. You made me this Avatar. You guilt tripped me into taking it. Now you’re unhappy I’m using the Avatar. Why don’t you make up your mind and let me know, Norm? In the meantime, I have to go.”

You lay in the on the pod and placed the metal frame on top of your body, and you couldn’t miss the tear that fell on Norm’s face as he closed the lid of the pod. 

It was still before dawn when your consciousness woke up in the blue body you’ve come to love so much, and you couldn’t help feel immense guilt at the words you spat at Norm. He doesn’t deserve any of this; he has been a surrogate uncle for you ever since you were born. He made you an Avatar, he built you a guitar. He helped you go outside and live your life, he was always there for you if you needed to talk, or vent. He has always believed in you, in your capacity to help, to do good, to overcome your grief. You would have to apologise to him come nighttime. 

You saw Jake make his way to you as you opened the flap to your tent. “Hi, kid.” Tensions were running high, you could tell, as Jake did not smile or make light conversation, as he always tended to do. He would always take the time to check in, to make sure you are doing well, which you appreciated massively. You loved having him and the rest of the family around. It felt like you belonged, for the first time in your life. 

“So you, Neteyam, Akoa and Heesu will go and they will watch you perform your first kill. Early tomorrow, we will go take the Iknimaya, and then you will be able to join Neteyam on raids and scouting. How’s that sound?”

“Sounds good, boss.” You saw him crack a tiny smile at that, and felt better you could still make him smile, even in these circumstances.

Neteyam came out of the tent looking… so good it made your mouth fill with saliva. He was holding his bow tightly in his hands, and he was adorning new jewellery, you noted. A beautiful black necklace, filled with beads and impressive craftsmanship, his red and green cummerbund tightly wrapped around his ribcage, and his knife tucked on his hip, all came together to bring about Neteyam Te Sulli Tsyeyk’itan, the future leader of the Omaticaya. But what really drew your eye, was a bracelet. A green bracelet that he kept around his arm, whose every bead and stone was imprinted in your mind, for the rest of time. Why was he wearing that bracelet, why now? What was he trying to tell you?

Neteyam found his gaze drawn to the girl next to his dad, the only girl that existed, as far as he was concerned. He barely slept last night thinking of you, of that kiss, of your confession, of the song, and he knew he had to make it right sooner rather than later. The humans were coming, not one of them knew what their lives were going to look like in a few weeks, and there was so much to set straight, the thought made him nauseated again. He had to tell you. Your eyes found his and he saw many emotions passing through them, and was happy to see at least one of them was passion, and yearning. You looked at him like you wanted to do things Eywa would disapprove of, and he felt himself twitch in pain for what felt like the millionth time recently. 

Neteyam led the pack away from the village and towards the forest where you would have to make your first kill. He had no doubt in his mind you would do well, he honestly doesn’t know why it has taken so long to do it to begin with. You’ve been ready for weeks. After stalking quietly through the forest for a couple of hours, you found a herd of Yerik. Neteyam closed his gap on you and placed a hand on your back, smiling to himself at the way you shuddered when he did. 

“You’ve got this. We’ve been through this and you are ready. Remember, keep a knee on the ground for support. Good luck.”

You nodded without looking at him, eyes plastered on one of the animals peacefully grazing on a bush. He saw you, focused and determined, aiming the arrow with precision and power, and he knew then you were made for this. You were made to be here, as one of the people, you were meant to be Na’vi. 

You made quick work of the kill, and immediately got up from your crouched stance and made your way to the now fatally injured Yerik. You removed your knife from where it was placed on your chest, and repeated the words he taught you weeks ago. “Oel ngati kameie, ma tsmukan, ulte ngaru seiyi irayo (I See you, Brother, and thank you). Ngari hu Eywa salew tirea, tokx 'ì'awn slu Na'viyä hapxì (Your spirit goes with Eywa, your body stays behind to become part of the People).”

Perfect, just like he knew you would do. You were nervous, he noted, but you also seemed happy to have finally done it, after all this time training. All four of you made your way back to the village, the two men accompanying you carrying the animal by its legs. Neteyam wanted to talk to you, wanted to get you alone so he can finally tell you all the things he had to say, that he needed to say, the secret that has plagued him for weeks and that drove a wedge between him and his baby brother. Unfortunately, it seems like the universe fated you to never be alone with him again. Right after you arrived at the village, Jake took all of you to gun practice and through strategy meetings about how to plan an attack once the Sky People decelerated. Those lasted the whole day, and before he knew it, you left to your tent again, leaving him to deal with his dad on his own. 

“Neteyam. Stay, I want to talk to you.”

“Yes, Senpul (dad)?”

“Did you tell her yet?” 

“Not yet. I’m trying to find some time, but it seems like we are never together alone anymore.”

Neteyam saw his dad sighing heavily and was scared for the hell he knew would rain down on him sooner or later.

“Neteyam, you have to tell her. You have asked us to keep your secret, and we have. We have all participated in this, and I am getting tired of lying for you. The kids don’t want to lie to her anymore, your mother doesn’t want for this to be a secret anymore. She deserves to know.” 

“You will tell her by the end of the week, or I will.” 

Your body convulsed as your mind woke up in your human form, and you tried to hide it as best as you could so whoever was helping you get disconnected wouldn’t notice. To your disappointment, it was Max. 

“Hey, sweetheart. How was it today?”

“Good, made the first kill. Going up the Iknimaya tomorrow, which can’t say I am particularly excited about.” 

“Oh, honey, you shouldn’t worry about it. It’s going to be completely different than that dreadful day. You are going to be able to control it, you will be connected to it. Plus Toruk has never been spotted this close to the banshee rookery, so there will be nothing making your Ikran nervous.”

“Yeah, guess you are right.” You said, not wanting to tell Max that rationalising it doesn’t achieve anything except making you feel stupid for being scared. “Where’s Norm?”

Max looked agitated for a second, but tried to compose himself enough to appear nonchalant about the subject. “Um, I think he’s in his room, he told me he wants to read this book he still hasn’t gotten around to, if you can believe that. He's been here for almost 19 years, you’d think there’s be nothing new to do here anymore.” 

You hoped you weren’t as bad a liar as seemingly everyone you have come across recently, otherwise your illness is not as much of a secret as you’d hoped. 

“He told you.”

“Yeah…” 

“I was such a dick. I have to apologise. I’ll go find him.”

“Maybe give him some time? He looked really upset, and I think he just needs to lick his wounds by himself for a while.”

“I didn’t mean it, Max. I am just tired and stressed because of the Iknimaya and the humans returning, not that that’s any excuse.” 

“I know, honey. He will be alright, just give it time. Time heals everything.”

You could only pray that was the case, for Norm….and for yourself.

You woke up the next morning groggy, feeling sick from your illness and sick from all the pills you ingested last night. If this was starting to be a problem, it was a problem you were gonna have to deal with later. Pandora’s box can hold a couple more issues for the time being. You made your way quietly to the medical ward and found the morphine vial you used yesterday. Withdrawing a few more millilitres, you injected yourself in the arm with it, instant relief flooding your system. You sighed happily and thought this was probably the closest you’ve ever gotten to feeling euphoric. 

Your Avatar body looked ready to tackle the Iknimaya, in all new garbs and a new necklace that Kiri made for you recently, as well as Lo’ak’s visors. Tuk and Neytiri were braiding your hair fresh, so you were all ready to go by the end of the eclipse. Feeling how nervous you were, Neytiri put her hand on your heart, and looked into your eyes and she placed the last feather in your hair. 

“It will be alright, ma 'ite. You have done better than any other Dream Walker ever has. Even better than the Toruk Makto. I know you are scared because of what happened in the past, but you have grown so much since then. You are such a special child, a gift from Eywa. There’s light in you no darkness can snuff out, and you were made to be one of us. Do not worry.” 

You let out a small cry and hugged the woman that could have been your mother in these 9 years after you lost your own, who has loved you and protected you every chance she got, that wanted to take you in the village and raise you as one of the people, but who you pushed away out of fear, out of terror at the possibility of more loss, more pain. She never held a grudge, she never turned her back on you, even after shunning them from your life, she understood you and welcomed you back with open arms as soon as you felt ready to join them. She saw you. You will never be able to repay her kindness.

“We’ll be with you. Kiri and I will fly and bring Tuk on one of our Ikrans. Spider, Lo’ak, Neteyam and Jake will come on their Pa’li with you and make the climb. It will be good practice for them. We all want to celebrate with you. We can all join you on your first flight, so this way it will be less scary.” 

You were fully crying in the crook of her neck now, unable to believe the luck you had to having been born somewhere where the Sullys existed at the same time. There was a lot of pain in your life, but this family would always be your good karma, it seemed. 

The climb was the most excruciating thing you have ever had to do. Every muscle in your body was pushed to its limits, and you were beginning to wonder how you were supposed to fight a huge animal after all of this. You understand now this is why this was the ultimate test of becoming a hunter, and why there were not many hunters in the Omatikaya. The thought brought a gust of confidence to your mind - you were doing this. You. You’ve gotten so far, further than any scientist on Pandora ever has. You grew up in a lab with severe agoraphobia and unsolved trauma and you still made it here. You will do this, because you have to. Because you’ve come so far. 

It was taking every ounce of discipline to not continuously stop and stare at the beauty of the Hallelujah mountains, that you have heard so much about, but never experienced for yourself, and you realised you needed to swallow often to compensate for the dryness you felt from your mouth being stuck agape in awe at the beauteous miracle. 

You found yourself peering up at Neteyam frequently throughout the climb, and thoughts about yesterday made your already drugged-out mind even airier. There was so much to think about, so much to talk about, but you couldn’t handle it right now. You couldn’t handle the consequences of that kiss and the hurt that would inevitably emerge from your star-crossed fate. You were dying. Although you didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to acknowledge the reality that your body was falling apart in front of you, it was happening. You probably had another couple of weeks before your heart gave out from all the strain the virus was putting on your whole body, just like it happened with all the other victims. 

As if he could feel you, Neteyam turned around and gave you a nervous look. You wondered what he thought of everything, how he felt. Was he happy about the kiss? Did he regret it? In his defence, he has been wanting to talk to you for days and you avoided him, unable to deal with him at the moment. He will just have to be another trinket in the Pandora’s box until you finished the Iknimaya. Making it to a large suspended boulder before you, he stretched out a strong arm for you, and you took it, happy to have at least some physical contact between you. His touch has always calmed your nerves, from when you were children, and now, as adults, that still hasn’t changed. 

He didn’t let go once you climbed next to him. Taking advantage of the fact you two were the last to climb, he took hold of your arm with one hand, and placed the other on your face, cupping it gently. His thumb found its way to your lips again, caressing them softly and you felt intoxicated from his touch. He brought his face close to yours and brought your foreheads together, breathing you in. You stood like this, staring at each other for a while, and it was like all the words you wanted to say to each other were spoken wordlessly. I love you. I see you. I’m sorry. 

“Are you guys coming or what?” You heard Spider screaming from a higher up boulder, and you reluctantly let go. He squeezed your arm one more time, and then motioned for you to climb in front of him. You weren’t far off now, you realised, and felt your heart picking up pace in your ribcage. 

Soon enough, you were there. You could hear thousands of banshees screaming and cooing, and you thought it was mirroring your internal dialogue quite well, loud and incoherent. Neteyam held a hand in front of your body as you made your way across a narrow ledge behind a waterfall, that connected the cave to the banshee nest. 

“Ok, kid. This is it. Are you ready?” Jake began speaking and you were trying to focus on him instead of the panicked feeling rising in your chest. 

As you were preparing to respond, you heard loud ululating from the sky, and immediately saw two beautiful banshees making their way to the mountain and settling in the cave you just left behind. You smiled at the view, excited that Neytiri, Kiri and Tuk could make it in time. They followed you to the nest and you brought your curled fingers to your forehead, greeting them warmly. I see you.

“Good luck, sister! I cannot wait to fly with you!” Tuk’s enthusiasm never failed to bring a wide smile to your face. 

You looked around at all the people who have travelled so far to come and be with you on this day. Your family, for all intents and purposes. You felt tears coming, but pushed them away with a sigh, trying to toughen your resolve. You gave one last look to Lo’ak, who was watching you sadly, the pain from yesterday still fresh in both your minds. You loved him so much, and hoped he would be able to forgive you in time. You touched his gift, now resting on your forehead, and gave him a grateful smile and a wink. He cracked a small grin and you knew then that your relationship wasn’t totally in ruins. 

“This is it, Atan. Now you must choose your Ikran. If it also chooses you, move quick, like I’ve showed you. You will have one chance. I will be behind you in case you need any help. Please don’t fall off a cliff, I don’t think my heart could take it again.” 

You laughed a little at his attempt of diffusing a situation. It wasn’t his best attribute. 

“Ok then, let’s dance.” 

Neteyam watched as you made your way through the Ikrans, and how they all flew away in fear at your sight - beautiful banshees that made him miss his own and reminisce about his own Iknimaya. You looked ready - powerful and confident, like you have always belonged here, with them. You were swinging your yìmkxa (mouth binder) and approaching each Ikran forcefully, hissing at them to hopefully provoke the right one. Eventually, a big banshee, bigger than his and most others he’s seen around, turns around to face you and does not remove itself from your path in the same way all the others had. It is a beautiful animal, white and gold with purple and pink wings and green stripes on its head, it looked different than any other in the village. Fitting, he thought. This was it.

He heard a loud hiss coming from where you were stood. The Ikran hissed back wildly and charged towards you. His heart was getting ready to exit his body at its speed and power, and he was panting in fear and anticipation, ready to jump in at any moment’s notice, in case you needed it. He saw you remove yourself quickly, skilfully, out of the animal’s way and wrap the yìmkxa around its mouth. Good, first step done. 

You then took a hold of your queue and jumped on the Ikran’s back, placing your thighs around its neck and squeezing with all of your might. The Ikran wrung its neck in an attempt to escape you, but you worked on this for months preparing for this day - you were not letting go. Neteyam saw the banshee make its way towards the edge of a cliff, and you wrapped the arm that wasn’t holding the queue around its neck for more support. 

Neteyam felt like he was going to pass out from the stress, and saw the next moments happen in slow motion, just like almost 7 years ago when you fell mid flight: the ikran managing to drop off the cliff, his wailing scream and immediate desire to join you, the hands of his mother and father wrapping around him keeping him in place, his own ikran dropping from a cliff at the sound of his call, him removing his parents’ hands forcefully and running towards his banshee, scrapping his arm painfully on the rock and the stabbing throb that followed, the feeling of a fresh injury and blood spilling down his arm, and yet still, no other thoughts in his mind than the need to save you, to right his past wrongs. 

He makes the bond quickly and before anyone could stop him, he’s in the air, flying around the rock and beneath it, trying to see where you could be. He was shocked to find you still on your ikran, holding for dear life while the animal was flying upside down, shaking itself furiously to get rid of you. He saw you drop the arm you were using to hold on to it, only managing to hold on by the strength in your thighs, and connected the queues with a loud yell.

“STOP!” He heard you scream. “TURN AROUND, NOW!” 

He couldn’t believe his eyes. You made your Tsaheylu, upside down, mid-flight. He watched as the banshee turned around and made its way back to where his family was, and he still had no words he could say to explain or describe what he was feeling in that moment. It was beyond words. He felt his arm twitching painfully and he quickly looked at it and saw the deep scratch that was leaking blood and staining his loincloth where his arm was laying. 

You did it. You actually did it. This little prick came at you with all her might and you still held on to her. You learnt a lesson or two from riding a banshee as a 13 year old defenceless human, and the most important lesson was: hold on for dear life. Good to see it came in handy. You also made it a point to thank Neteyam for making you hang upside down in trees to shoot down targets, you can see now it helped. You landed at the base of the rookery and watched as every one of your family members was smiling and yelling, cheering loudly for your accomplishment. They looked so happy, and you couldn’t help shed a small tear and the sight. 

These were your people, for the remainder of this short life, and you were happy you got to do this before you went. Happy you got to see them together, for you. You looked around at Neteyam and couldn’t see him, but then heard a loud, excited yelp from behind you. He looked so happy and proud, your heart swelled at the sight. This man would be the death of you, you knew. You loved him so much, and you knew it was time, time to talk through it. 

“First flight seals the bond.” he screams over the noise of the banshees and the waterfall. “Let’s go.”

The entire family called for their ikrans, and in less than a minute, you were airborne. You told your banshee to fly gently and straight, and held on tightly to her neck while you tried to adjust to all these new overwhelming emotions. The feeling of flying was incredible, so much more so than you remembered. Maybe because this time you were in control. The feeling of the Tsaheylu... Lo’ak was right, it was so much stronger than the Pa’li, the connection you had with this animal. You knew you were bonded for life, shared a kinship and bond no one could break until one of you died, maybe even after. The feeling of belonging, as you watched 5 other ikran fly alongside yours and help you through your first of many adventures in the sky. You felt grateful and happy to have made it so far before the inevitable end.

You made it at the village soon after eclipse, laughing and dancing while you walked back, hand in hand with Kiri who was rolling her eyes at you but joining in anyway. Tuk was holding your other hand, and you lifted her up and carried her all the way back while she played with your braids. 

As you arrived to your tent, you saw the rest of the family go into their own, with the promise you’d join after dropping all of your stuff. Neteyam stayed behind, closing his distance to you and only stopping when he was so close to you his chin was touching your forehead. It was only then you saw his arm, dried blood spilt everywhere and marring his beautiful blue stripes. His loincloth was also red, you noted, and saw the gash that was the culprit, high on his arm, still red and bleeding, although not enough to justify this much blood. It must have been bleeding for a while.

“What the hell happened to you?!” You said with a panicked voice.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” 

You raised and eyebrow at him and rolled you eyes, and pulled him to your tent by his uninjured arm. 

“Sit. I will clean and stitch it and then we can go for dinner.” 

He did as he was told, quietly sitting on the ground while you gathered supplies: some gauze, disinfectant, numbing cream, stitches and a needle driver, as well as some forceps and scissors. He squirmed at the sight, and you rolled your eyes again.

“You drive me crazy when you roll your eyes at me, you know? I would kill to be the reason your eyes roll in the back of your head at night.”

You blushed at his words, and sat next to him on the ground.

“You have to stop, Neteyam. We can’t do this again.”

You turned your focus on his wound, and began cleaning it slowly so as to not injure him further. 

“I can’t stop, Atan. I can’t think of anything else. I have so much I want to say to you, so much I need to get off my chest.”

He sounded sad, desperate for you to hear him out, his eyes pleading and pained. 

“How about we talk, after dinner? This time, you can be the one sneaking in my tent late at night.” you said sarcastically, not having forgotten his outburst from earlier and realising you were still angry at him for it. 

“Yes, please.” 

You sat in silence the rest of the time, as you worked with skilled, focused hands. You stitched his wound carefully, so as to not leave him with a scar. When you finished, you smiled up at him, and reached your hand to touch his face, moving a strand of beaded hair from it and pushing it behind his ear. He was so, so beautiful. He brought a hand to your chin and was pulling you closer, when someone entered the tent without making their presence known, making you both jolt back in shock. It was a girl. You’ve seen her before in the village, she was a healer in training. Beautiful and skilled, she was a good singer and a good craftswoman, making a lot of the clothes the Na’vi hunters wore. 

“Oh, Great Mother, here you are! Your mother told me about your injury, and I had to come find you so I could help!” She kneeled down on the other side of Neteyam from where you were sitting and touched Neteyam’s chest, moving him around looking for the bleed, that was no longer there. 

“Oh, it seems much better now than what was described. I guess it’s true what they say, you really are that skilled.” She turned her attention to you and smiled. 

“Thank you. I don’t think we’ve properly met.”

“You’re right, my bad! I’m Tiongli. Neteyam’s mate.” 

It was so quiet in the room now, you were sure they could both hear your heart break into a million pieces. 

Tag list: @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @k----a27s