#and I always wonder if people have ever had to have discussions irl with people who have different opinions than them

[stupidlittlespirit]

Can you give me more examples of Alex disliking Ford? I’ve always kinda felt it, but I never really had much of a real grasp on it.

Okay so this is the part where I look crazy because I can't give you specific examples LMAO but I'll try to explain what I mean. It's more in what he doesn't say than what he does.

Alex doesn't ever come right out and state 'I hate Ford', but he implies his distaste for him through his treatment of him. The way he hasn't gone harder/more explicit on drawing lines about Ford's abuse, or talking about how Ford suffered terribly during the time he was alone, for example. The way he blames Ford inherently for a lot of stuff that Ford, while not blameless, isn't fully at fault for. It's little things, and I'll detail them below.

TW below: Abuse, discussions of victimhood and irl consequences.

He extends more sympathy to other characters whereas Ford is sort of an afterthought. I don't actually think Alex has fleshed Ford out very well in his own head. Remember when he said that he didn't even know that Bill was going to be the main villain? They were flying by the seat of their pants for a lot of the series and it's quite clear in some elements. Obviously, the series is wonderful, I love it, it's one of my favourite shows of all time and Alex is a true talent, but it's obvious which characters are more important to him. He favours Bill a lot, too, so when his disliking of Ford/being ambivalent about him meets his enjoyment of Bill, only one of those dogs is coming out of the fight alive and it ain't Ford.

I think Alex is a genuine talent, I admire his work and his writing. He seems lovely. But I do also think he lacks in skill when it comes to complex abuse depictions.

I see a running theme that he isn't very good at portraying it specifically via 'unlikeable' characters. I mentioned on a previous post that he did this with Pacifica until people expressed empathy with her, and then he decided to round her out. He stated that himself during an old interview; I can't source it but I remember it vividly because it flagged red in my head that he couldn't see she was just a product of her environment. She's a twelve year old girl, for god's sake, she isn't 'just a horrible person', it makes a person sound like Bill when they beef with kids like that lol.

Another thing is in TBoB, there's a really horrendous page where Ford is tortured. It is visceral and awful, and tbh I wish I'd have been able to ask Alex what his top 5 horror movies were when I saw his talk because the scene is very reminiscent of a lot of my fav horrors.

But anyway, it is literal torture and it is also communicating about how helpless Ford is. He's a victim and a 'weak one' at that. Nothing he can do will stop Bill's abuse, he's stupid for trying, he's pathetic, he deserves it.

Now, that is a take I see with Ford a lot. He deserves it. He's asking for it. And it's a really upsetting one. It's also a common narrative told by people who blame victims for the abuse they suffered.

Not once have I ever seen Alex defend Ford. Not once have I ever heard him say 'Ford didn't deserve this', 'Ford suffered as much as Stan'. Not once.

Considering that he said he took 'inspiration' from his friend's 'toxic' relationships (I also think this is a strange and slightly perverse thing to do btw), I would have thought he might feel more strongly about pushing away this narrative about victims deserving their treatment.

I, obviously, also don't know for sure that he did take inspo from friends; he could well be describing his own experiences and just not feel comfortable saying so because men do suffer a different kind of stigma around being abused. That's fine, he doesn't have to out himself or anything, that would be horrible. But it's just the way he reacts to fans and speaks about the victim (Ford) that makes me think he's a bit more removed from this specific experience than it being personal.

There are many types of abuse. Ford's experience is familial, relationship-wise (platonic, because nothing about his relationship with Bill is romantic in the most basic sense of the term, if anything you can liken that side of things to sexual abuse) and personal. Ford then abuses himself as a reaction to outside abuse. Not his fault, again, but it does happen and it's a common thing for victims to do. I did.

Ford does nothing but suffer.

I truly don't believe that if you loved and cared for your character, you would be willing to watch your audience tear them apart like that after they had already been through so much and were not actually a villain themselves.

Especially if you had, or knew other people who had, experience with that kind of abuse. He doesn't let it happen to Stan, he came down hard on people when they did it to Dipper, and to Mabel, too.

It would kill me to let my OCs be bastardised like that by an audience and I'd be damned if I did a disservice to victims everywhere over something like this.

I think his lack of care is displayed in his treatment of Ford, as opposed to him outright saying he doesn't like him.

I also understand that this analysis also comes from a deeply personal point of view and my own experience with this topic, too.

This is a TV show, it isn't real and I don't need to take it so seriously, but what I do take seriously is seeing the real world reactions of other people. That does hurt. It hurts to see someone who is (very inelegantly and heavy-handedly, btw) depicted as a victim of abuse be laughed at and made into a joke, or flipped on their head and made to be romanticised with their abuser just to make a ship happen.

Fiction doesn't need to be taken seriously except when the lines begin to blur over into real life. We know people are cruel to irl victims and we can see where these lines blur quite obviously.

I think abuse and uncomfortable topics should be depicted, but I also think that as a creator, if you use them, you have a HUGE responsibility to teach and guide your audience into understanding why these things are bad/what makes them so. You shouldn't make jokes about the topic or encourage other people to go off the rails with it.

You can't control people, of course you can't, but you can hold their hand a bit and show them towards the light. If they choose not to follow it then they're probably not bright enough to pick up what you're putting down and that's on them, but you have to try.

Maybe if I hadn't (and my friends and other victims hadn't) been subjected to exactly the same reaction, we wouldn't feel so strongly about this, but it really does feel like a kick in the teeth to see a large number of people behave so grotesquely about abuse.

And just as an aside: I am a victim, I have been/am an unlikeable one, but it does not mean that I deserved what I got and that goes the same for every other 'unlikeable' victim out there.

*deep breath* but other than that I'm totally normal about Ford and not at all mentally ill :)

[soldierandawar]

Really, the issue is that people cannot hold two conflicting thoughts in their heads at the same time. That's why arguments online are so frustrating. Most of the time, it's like, "Yes! Both of these things are true!" But no one wants to hear that. Everyone has to be right. We have to prove ourselves as better than others, so we start using identifiers, "Oh, so you're a <insert term here>." to separate ourselves, and it's exhausting.

If you lack conflict management skills and refuse to look inward, how can you create community?

[melanated-writersblock]

⋆˙⟡♡₊˚⊹.Lunch Rush.⊹˚₊♡⟡˙⋆

[CEO!Husband!Yunho x BlackFem!Exec!Reader]

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾. Where you and Yunho wanted to start trying for a baby, and with a long lunch break in your schedules, you decide to pay him a visit to try your hand at conception.

content: car sex, semi-public sex, thigh riding, cloth-ripping, piv, unprotected sex (wrap it up irl pls), just a dollop of spit, cowgirl, doggy, full fledged backshots, like 2 creampies?

word count: 3.4k

a/n: This fic cost me 5 FUCKING DOLLARS TO MAKE?!?!?! I had to pay to use a fake text generator, so if any of you have a site or app that I can make fake text messages FOR FREE then PLEASE let me know😭. This was self indulgent but I wanna dedicate this fic to all my fellow Hotteoks🫶🏾 And the bitches that fantasize about getting nutted in and getting it poppin’ in the back of the parking lot (in theory of course)! WwaBRiM (if you can’t tell from the fact the reader is rocking soft locs😛)

‧₊˚✩. ˚. ♡ ☁︎

To this day…you and Yunho’s BIGGEST regret in your relationship…is and ALWAYS WILL BE….agreeing to go to the christening of your friends’ 6-month old baby boy.

Everything was beautiful. The ceremony, the cathedral, the way the baby nestled into Yunho’s arms so naturally, and reached out to play with your bangles with such curiosity and wonder. It altered both of your brain chemistries, and you weren’t sure if it was for the better or not.

Your friends didn’t help either, saying things like “Parenthood would look so good on you two!” and “I can’t wait for your baby shower invitations.”.

How could they…….

After you pushed your meetings back to later in the week. After Yunho gave his team a free day when they could’ve been in the office perfecting the play-through on his new game before its release. Two very busy people with very busy work schedules, and you carved out time to come support your friends and their son, and they pay you back with…….

BABY FEVER?!?!

You and Yunho planned your futures out to a T. Go to university, get your respective degrees, join a company that you interned with, work your way up, become the boss, get married, honeymoon in The Maldives and spend your paid vacation days in The Swiss Alps.

Starting a family was definitely in there somewhere, but everything fell in line so well that it got lost. You’re at the top of your games…Yunho, figuratively and literally, with his gaming company being the best in the country and all…and you became the creative director for a top cosmetic brand. It really was all good. But it was lacking. And you both felt it. Ever since that christening.

You felt it every time one of your work partners went on maternity and paternity leave. Every time there were children in the offices on ‘Bring Your Kids to Work Day’. Every time Yunho saw posts or videos of kids around the world dressing up as characters he helped create. Every time your homegirls would send you milestones of their babies taking their first walk, or biting into a lemon for the first time. You two worked hard and accomplished everything you wanted to, everything except starting a family. It resonated for days after that christening.

For Weeks.

Months, even.

The energy around the house shifted. Yunho would steal glances at you as you did the simplest of routines, imagining your belly being round as you sip your favorite tea in the kitchen, waddling from room to room barefoot and pregnant. And you’d watch attentively as he’d play his video games, envisioning a child full of joy as he teaches them how to defeat their first villain. After a while it got to a point where neither of you would hide it. It became all too real, too wanted. And why not? What was stopping you two?

Everything was green lit once you and Yunho put it into the atmosphere and finally discussed it. You both were just about ready to start baby proofing the house and nothing even happened yet, becoming more proactive than you already were. Tracking apps were monitored, routines were tweaked, and everything seemed to be doable…but your work schedules…your jobs were the biggest obstacle. Just when could you slip away for a bit to see each other? When would be the right time to make a ba-

“Hey, I’m picking up my kid so we can go to lunch. I’ll be back in 2 hours!”

Your Editor in Chief pops their head in your office briefly before heading down the hall to the elevator, snapping you out of your rambling thoughts.

…………..Lunch Break.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾. ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾. ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾. ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾. ‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

You reverse your sedan into the space next to him before hoping out and swishing towards the driver’s door, knocking softy. Your ears perk up at the sound of r&b playing and a silent laugh escapes you. The dark windows of the door lower, revealing Yunho in the driver’s seat, fully reclined with the top buttons of his shirt undone and the silver crucifix you adorned him with for your anniversary gleaming.

“For a second I thought you were backing out on me.” He smiles at you, his voice deeper than usual, evidence of a brief stolen nap. “Traffic was hell, I would’ve been here in half the time otherwise.” The door unlocks and you climb in, grazing over Yunho’s body as he adjusts the driver’s seat sitting up slightly, he grabs ahold of you to help you straddle him and closes the door back behind you. And like clockwork, you lean in, beginning your onslaught of abuse on his lips.

Snaking your hands into Yunho’s hair, he moans, deepening the kiss, his tongue dancing ever so eloquently with yours. “I missed you.” He says breathlessly between kisses, “You saw me this morning before I left boo!” You tease him, fixing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose that slid down in the midst of your passion, “That’s too long.” He pokes his lips out, and you console him with light pecks to ease his playful angst. “You’re so needy, you know that right?” “And you love me for it.”

Yunho starts to undo his shirt more, a sinister smile on the corner of his lips as he looks you over. “Come here,” You lean into him, your hand placed against his bare chest, the rock on your wedding band a flashy contrast to his skin. “Lift up for me baby.” You lift off of Yunho for a second as he helps you readjust yourself, now straddling one of his thighs. The pinstriped black skirt you wore for work today riding up your thighs. You let out a huff, immediately feeling the pressure of Yunho’s toned thigh on your bundle of nerves. Your black tights and panties not serving as any sort of buffer to the sensations. Your pussy lips spread apart feeling the course texture of his slacks. You let out a staggering sigh, reality finally setting in what you were about to do. “That’s right, you’re gonna ride me and come all over my thigh, and thennn~” Yunho begins to rock your hips back and forth on his thigh. You lurch forward, your right hand immediately planting on the interior wall of the Rover, “Damn, feels good right?” “Yeah, yes it does. Fuck.”

You place your other hand on his shoulder, stealing support as you rock onto him quicker, a few front strands of your freshly done soft locs coming undone from the high pony you put them in this morning, to his delight. Yunho enjoyed the sight of you working yourself on him, he loved how neat you looked before you climbed in the suv with him, and is obsessed with the thought of how disheveled and fucked out you’re gonna look when he’s done and you climb back out. Fuck, it’s all he’s thought about since you mentioned it in the texts. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on you, to touch you, to feel you, to fuck you, to ruin you, to caress you, to make love to you, to put a baby in you……finally.

You watch Yunho as he closes his eyes, deep in thought, mindlessly guiding your hips against him, as if he’s immediately feeling all of the pleasure that you are in that moment. You begin to rock against him quicker, an impending climax moments away. Yunho opens his eyes, watching you as your moans get louder, less polite, more shameless. You lean your head forward trying to compose yourself as much as you possibly can in this situation, and he smiles at the sight. “I’m close………..fuck, I’m close.” Your hand now caresses his face as you lean your head on his shoulder, hunching him like a bitch in heat. “You’re close?” “Yeahhhh~” “Fuck, you’re gonna come all over my thigh like that?” “Yeah!” “Yeahhh, just like that?” “Yes! Yes! Just like that!” Yunho bounces his leg softly as you continue to rake against it, riding out your high as a warm dampness spreads on his designer slacks. He moans at the feeling, damn near coming untouched just from witnessing your pleaser unfold before him.

You steady your panting for air. Embarrassed, you pat at the wet spot you left on your husband, “I did not expect that I-“ “I did, you’re ovulating.” Yunho caresses your cheeks fully heated with shame, and kisses you, laughing into the kiss. “I don’t think you understand how hot that was, don’t apologize my love.” He gestures to the passenger seat, helping you off of him and guiding you there to sit tight and catch yourself for a second. He then leans the drivers seat back fully again, stepping over it to sit in the spacious middle seat. He unbuttons his shirt the rest of the way before removing his glasses, tossing them somewhere far in the back seats. He holds one of his hands out to you, patting his thigh sharply with his other, ordering your immediate presence.

You crawl over the front armrest and take Yunho’s hand as he helps you towards him. You start to kneel down in front of him and he stops you, “Nooo no, no, none of that today.” “But I really want to.” “I knowww, and you do it so well, but we’re kind of on a fixed schedule.” Yunho gestures behind you to the time on the soft glowing screen on the dashboard. You sigh in agreement, “I wanted to get you ready too.” “Oh babe,” He begins to undue his belt buckle and pants, his fully hard cock slapping against his lower abdomen as he slides his pants down lower freeing him. “Does it look like I need to get ready?” Your mouth waters, his cock glistening as precum trails down the tip, and you moan at the sight. “Oh my God.” He laughs at your eager demeanor, “Come here baby,” he pats his thighs again signaling you to straddle him once more, your legs on either side of him cushioned by the materials used to adorn the luxury car seats.

Yunho hikes your skirt up higher, sliding his hands underneath to trail down your sheer-tights-clad inner thighs and up to your panties. Your breaths were short, shallow, hesitant. You closed your eyes as Yunho felt you up, getting you worked up again in the process, unbeknownst to himself, or was this all part of his plan? “These weren’t too pricey, right?” He pinches at your tights, “No they weren’t, why?”

****rrrr-rrrrrr-rrrrrrriiiiippp!****

You gasp as you feel the force from Yunho ripping your tights right down the middle, smacking his shoulder. “They weren’t pricey but they were my favorite!” “Shhh, I’ll buy you 10 more.” You lean your head on his shoulder, pouting…until you feel his slender hands move your panties to the side. Your breath begins to get shallow again, feeling his warm tip slide up and down your wet folds. You moan involuntarily, “Awww, come on baby I haven’t even put it in yet.” “I knowww, I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.” “I do,” You feel him slowly push into you, leaning your head back as you cry out. “This cunt was just waaaiting to get fucked, because today is a little different than the other days,” He picks up his pace, fucking up into you steady but firm, “Today your pussy is a little bit more needy for me,” the recoil of your ass sending vibrations through your lower body as Yunho’s movements are relentless. “Today you’re gonna let me get you pregnant.”

And there it was. Your brain immediately shuts off. “I’m gonna fuck you so good, and so hard-” “Unnnnhhhhhooohhhh my Godddddd!” “Yeahhhhh, yeah let me hear you baby,” You grip the disheveled collar of Yunho’s shirt, completely at his mercy, taking what he gives you. “I’m gonna cum all in this pretty fucking cunt and get you pregnant, I’m gonna make you a Mommy.” “Yunho Please! Pleaseee~” “Please what my love?” Yunho lifts your chin up to meet his gaze, your dark brown eyes staring several miles into his own, communicating beyond a frequency that sound couldn’t even capture in that moment, and he understood every bit of it…but figured it would be fulfilling just to hear it fall from your lips, “Pleaseeee? What.” “Please make me a Mommy~” In seconds, he snakes an arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest as he drills into you. “Ahhhhhh!!!!” The sound of your screams, bounce off the interior of the car, and you pray that the seats absorb it all.

“Yesss, yes! Let me hear you Mama. Fuckkkk let me hear you!” “Fuckkkk!” “Uh huhhh~ Fuck! You sound so good taking my dick like this! Ughhhh~” You both were a mess, fully enraptured in pleasure and no longer prisoners to time. You place your forehead against Yunho’s now eye to eye as he continues to lean into you with force, your breathing syncing with his, both chasing your highs. “You’re gonna cum, aren’t you.” He asks you with dark eyes, almost as if it wasn’t a request. Suddenly you’re whimpering against his lips, “Yeah you are gonna cum, you’re close, so close for me.” “I’m-“ “I’m gonna-“ He mocks, imitating your whines, “You’re gonna what, cream around me and take this cum like a good little wife?” All you could do was gasp at his sharp remarks, “You’re gonna cum for me like a good little wife? Hm?” “Yeah!” “Yeah? You’re gonna take my fucking cum like a good fucking wife?” “Yes! Yes! Ye- Yes! Yes! Yes!” You gush around him, repeating your words like a mantra against his ear. He returns the favor, “Good Girl” replaying in his surprisingly vulgar vocabulary as he finishes inside of you. You collapse against him for some time. Aligning your heaving chest with his as you both come down. Clammy from the altercation. You swivel around some assuming it may help with the progress, and he moans a little.

“What are you doing?” Yunho laughs at you endearingly, watching you be an unintentional menace. “I don’t know I just thought it might do something.” You giggle some, lifting off of his softening length with your combined messes drooling out of you and down your inner thighs. Yunho takes it all in, shaking his head in amazement at the fucked out state of you. Just as he imagined it, better than he imagined, even. Staring him down, you study his body language, how he looks subtly exhausted but not TOO drained. Almost as if on a bodily timer, your temperature starts to rise again, “You’re plotting.” you narrow your eyes at him. Sucking in a sharp breath between teeth, Yunho helps you up, only to place you over the front armrest.

You squirm as your stomach and breasts make contact with the cold leather. “See I KNEW you were plotting!” “Oh hush, don’t act like you’re not excited.” Yunho makes light work of your tights, pulling off and discarding what was left of it, and sliding your panties off of one of your legs in order to spread them further apart. Your breathing catches at the gust of air that hits your pussy. Yunho’s cock inches away as he works his hand over it. He reaches his hand around holding it out to your mouth, “Spit.”, and you oblige him. He continues to work himself hard again, one hand bunching your business skirt up your waist, exposing your bare ass. His hand slides down to caress it, before landing a harsh smack, resorting back to soothing over the stinging spot. All marks undetectable on your brown skin, he lands a few more smacks on both cheeks, knowing he’ll be safe. You jolt and whine at the barrage of sharp pain and he leans down to pepper the side of your face in kisses, rubbing your attacked spots to soothe the pain.

“Don’t forget to breathe my love.” You didn’t realize you weren’t until he mentioned it, immediately offloading a heavy breath. Yunho clicks his tongue as he braces one hand on your shoulder to hold you in place, fiddling with the bunched up hem of your skirt. Your body stiffens as you feel him use his fingers to collect your cum and push it back into your pussy. You shudder in pleasure, still recovering from your last high, not too far from another if touched too much. You feel him shift behind you again as his cock teases its way past your entrance one more time. “Mmm, You wore this skirt on purpose Mama?” He glides into you with ease, bottoming out effortlessly, and you sink into the armrest, your moan resembling that of a pornstar’s. “You knew you were gonna see me to get this pretty pussy filled, Hmm?” Yunho immediately picks up the pace, keeping his hand firm on your shoulder, guiding you back onto him. “Ooooohhhhh~” “Yeahhhh? You wore this skirt because you knew you were gonna get knocked up with my babies? Huh?” Yunho’s words started to slur as they turned into shameless moans, “Yeahhh~ keep moaning for me, it’s just us here, keep going, I wanna hear youuu~” even he started sounding pornstar-like, it was music to your already ringing ears.

He began to pound into you with fervor, your tits now hanging over the armrest, bouncing violently as you grip the seating of the driver’s and passengers seat to avoid going headfirst into the dashboard. “Oh fuckkkk I’m gonna cum again, shit- shit- shittttt~” Yunho plants a foot on the flooring of the suv to steady himself as he leans flush against your back, engulfing you. “Yes, yes, yessss~ come inside of me pleaseeee~” Your final plea sends him over the edge, ultimately setting off a chain reaction that makes you cum around him all over again.

You shudder with each thrust as he slows his pace gradually before coming to a complete stop, staying in the same position as he bear hugs you from behind over the dashboard. You laugh to yourselves as you match your breathing once more, an exercise you both had been doing since the start of everything. Thank God workers at Yunho’s job actually took advantage of leaving the facility for lunch, or else your windows definitely would’ve been knocked on. Sure, the 5% tint helps, but you’re sure the car rocking would’ve given enough away.

Yunho peels himself off of you and helps you up, sitting you down next to him in the middle seats. You lay your head on his shoulders as the both of you dwell in the backseat, visibly fucked out. Yunho’s shirt hangs open and off one shoulder with a button or two missing, crucifix chain crooked yet still sitting proudly on his chest, even after such a sinful act. Your soft locs were fully down by now, splayed and running down the side of Yunho’s torso. Your skirt and his pants still undone, neither of you bothering to bother with your surroundings just yet. Yet your blouse was surprisingly still somewhat presentable. You both sit in solitude and enjoyment of each other for a little while longer. Yunho looks down at you lovingly, watching as you pull your phone out to do something. “Are you doing what I think you’re doing?” “Letting the Editor in Chief know that I’ll be out of the office for the rest of the day? Noo, I couldn’t possibly…” “Oh well that’s a shame…” You look at your husband, waiting, “Because I told the team to take the rest of the day off.” THAT’S why the deck looked so lifeless. “I can’t believe you set me up!” He peppers your face in kisses one last time.

“Alright, let’s get out of here, we definitely need to change. We’re celebrating tonight.” “Tonight? Forrrrr?” “For theeee…..you know…..” Yunho gestures towards himself then your stomach, and you grin knowingly. “The lunch rush?” “Exactlyyy, the lunch rush.” He says before pulling you in for one last kiss. Yunho helps fix up your appearance before assisting you out of the Range Rover and back into your car. Kissing you for the last time yet again. “I’ll be right behind you.” He starts back to his vehicle, looking over to you, “Oh, feel free to put me in your schedule whenever you have an hour or two for lunch. Just to make sure it takes.” Yunho winks at you, getting back in the car as you both leave work for the day.

‧₊˚✩. ˚. ♡ ☁︎ If you liked what you read, please let me know, it gives me hope. Comments and Reblogs are always appreciated ‧₊˚✩. ˚. ♡ ☁︎

⋆˙⟡♡₊˚⊹.Masterlist.⊹˚₊♡⟡˙⋆

⋆˙⟡♡₊˚⊹.Blacktiny Writers Hub.⊹˚₊♡⟡˙⋆

[genderqueerdykes]

Idk if this is the right place to go but I'm not quite sure where else to put this. I'm very sorry if it's not the right place!

As a trans guy, I just have to wonder just how bad my luck is with trans women blogs and my general interaction with trans women IRL???

I'm stating it now that every single person can be an asshole. No matter their gender. I know I'm just having severely bad luck. Trans girls are forever my sisters and I'll back them up if I need to.

But also, why am I only encountering trans women who unironically want to put trans men and trans masculine people's heads on a spike.

I've close genderqueer friends but never managed to become friends with a trans girl yet (I know a few I'm acquainted with, as an art student in college - trans people of all shapes and sizes are a dime a dozen here) because at some point the fact they fundementally hate trans men comes out into the open. It's scary. Why are we in-fighting? Why does my sheer existence hurt you? The cousin of my crush is a trans girl, and she threw such a fit when she heard her cousin was going to go on a date with me. Not that it matters, relationship didn't work out (we're great friends) but I had never talked to this woman!! Ever!!!! My crush just relayed to me at the time that she did not like me because they told her I was a trans guy!!!!!!!

Trans men who hurt them obviously should be held accountable. They're pieces of shit. Again: every gender can be a fucking asshole. But why generalize? Why would you suddenly ostracize me if I revealed myself as a trans guy to you instead of a butch woman when we've had nothing but pleasant conversations up until now?

I feel like I'm being oversensitive, or that I'm making a big issue out of something so minimal. But why are we in-fighting? Why? Why, why why???

you're not being over sensitive, this is a genuine problem right now and it's affecting people in real time. what people don't seem to care about is that this deeply hurts and affects the people who are being ostrasized. which is something people should care about

you're not imagining things or anything like that and your experiences are very important to be discussed. it is quite literally "the right thing to do" or "cool" or whatever to shit on trans men right now. like currently, in 2024, almost 2025, we are seeing now more than ever, people who proudly hate trans men. this is transphobia. people NEED to care. you're not alone in feeling this way. even i feel this way, and i'm an intersex trans wo/man. i shouldn't have to feel this way, i'm literally a trans woman and i'm made to feel weary about other trans girls suddenly hating me when they find out i'm also a trans man because gender is complicated and being intersex is a complex experience

people will gladly openly hate on trans men. we are now the sacrificial lamb. we are now the punching bag. for a while people really hated cis gay men. like really hated them. the "im twinkphobic" shit was literal overt homophobia and nobody cared. everyone was on board with hating cis gay men for one reason or another. a lot of people were calling feminine cis gay men transmisogynistic, or transfem eggs. now things have shifted and its trans men who are the big problem.

rad feminism is taking over large parts of our community and people refuse to talk about it. people are happily rad fems, and a lot of trans girls identify as transradfems, which is just about as transphobic as you can get. it's never progressive to hate someone for their gender. ever. it's always transphobia. i don't know how so many trans girls got it in their heads that rad feminism just needed to accept trans women and trans women only for it to be a good ideology. i've said it before, but the unfortunate truth is a lot of trans women are desperate to feel validated in their womanhood, and some see man-hating "lesbian" women as the most "woman" thing you can be, as it's the "direct opposite" to being a man. trans women will gladly walk down this path for the sake of gender euphoria and attacking trans men because they're taking someone else's gender personally.

it doesn't matter if you don't see trans men as trans- we are. trans men are trans. transgender, transsexual, transvestites- doesn't matter. trans men get called trannies, too. trans men get misgendered. trans men face corrective rape. it's seriously not cool to see trans men as "copying" trans women, or whatever. i've seen people claim that trans men are really just masculine girls, and that it's okay for women to dress masculine so we should just do that instead. i've seen people say that trans men literally aren't trans because who would want to transition into manhood? i've heard people say that trans men just transition to hurt people. i've heard that trans men aren't "real" trans people and "Aren't trustworthy" sources of information on trans experiences

it's ridiculous. people are completely blinded to what the real problem is. the real problem is the queerphobes above us. i'm with you: why are we infighting like this again? what's the point? the entire point of the queer community is to accept people who step outside of the cisheternormative panopticon we've invented and enforced. it's such a broad array of people. not all experiences will be the same. manhood is desireable, just like womanhood. manhood is not inherently toxic. it's not something everyone wants to escape.

i sincerely hope people wake up and start realizing this is doing nothing but helping conservatives, terfs and transphobes. it's not helping other trans girls. some trans women are also trans men. intersex trans women exist. multigender trans women exist. genderfluid trans women exist. some trans women are also men and we're shooting everyone in the foot by behaving this way.

like do people not realize there are trans women who are also men? you're alienating all of these women with all this man hating. you're not just hurting cishet and trans men here: you're hurting every possible group of person. not every trans woman despises the concept of manhood. wanting to transition out of manhood doesn't mean you have to hate or condemn it. manhood being bad for you doesn't mean it's bad for everyone else

i hope you start to feel better soon. you are more than welcome to come back any time, it's really pervasive right now, but we have to stick together and challenge it when we see it. we have to remind ourselves that this is absolutely unhinged entitled behavior that doesn't reflect how trans men are treated in the real world and how we operate and function. it's shitty but fortunately there are lots of trans women who are allies to trans men. it's a very vocal minority that hate trans men that badly

[radfemnotfemme]

been learning about radical feminism in the past year and i have completely reevaluated my beliefs about gender ideology. now im just so stuck on the idea of, how can identifying as another gender not be fundamentally regressive, sexist, and upholding gender norms? how can men just identify out of oppression? but now idk what to do holding these beliefs because truly all my friends would have serious issues with me if i were ever to voice this. in fact, i have close friends who are trans, and there are many trans people in my wider social circle (one of whom specifically made me so uncomfortable in a "female" space that it contributed to me unlearning my previous beliefs abt gender ideology). i attend a super liberal university where in a recent english class my professor even made a comment about jk rowling being an evil terf now.

i feel like i'm walking around with a dirty secret. i feel like i can't discuss these ideas with anyone irl, not even my girlfriend. it would fundamentally change her view of me as she as an incredibly vocal trans ally. i could see her breaking up with me for these beliefs; i could see many friends distancing themselves from me. i'm just wondering how you navigate a social world like this with radfem beliefs ahhhh

i feel you on the “dirty secret” aspect! i can try to give some advice since i’m in a very similar situation (minus the fact i live in a conservative area.)

due to my appearance (i’m visibly gay) i usually only attract TRA & ‘queer’ types to me. my friends are all TRA or some variant of “genderqueer.” i only have one friend ive been able to confide my beliefs to, and she’s more a closet conservative type so we really only agree on trans issues. I will say, if you can find even one person that you can speak freely with it’ll be a huge weight off your chest. Whenever I see this one friend we both just ramble because we can finally talk about shit that we can’t comfortably talk about with anyone else.

the way i’ve gone about managing my friendships with TRAs is to simply never bring up trans (or controversial radfem) topics. i avoid it like the plague, will change topic, and if directly questioned on something i will play the dumb and innocent role, aka just pretending to not understand but intend as coming from a good place. you should evaluate which of your friendships putting up this facade will be worth it, because it gets exhausting fast. i have some trans friends, but they’re all the “genderfluid/nonbinary AFAB who goes by any pronouns” type who present extremely feminine at all times, never even push the boundaries of gender expression honestly which is funny. (literally theyfabs lol) They dont care that i always use she/her and they honestly never bring up gender stuff with me. these type of girls aren’t too bad to be around as i feel they’re not as far gone as some TIPs are who actually take the steps to transition, etc. Being around a hardcore TIF or TIM might be a more difficult friendship to maintain.

Regarding your significant other, you should consider if this is a breaking point in your relationship. For me it’s not since my gf was generally uninformed about trans issues like the dangers of males in womens prisons, unfairness in sports, why oppressed is sex based and not gender based, etc. We’ve had discussions about this, where i explained my reasoning for being against these issues & she actually ended up agreeing after I showed her the facts. She’s still ‘pro-trans’ but is much more reasonable about it & thinks majority trans people just wanna live their life (which who can argue with that!) If this type of open conversation isn’t something you think could be achievable with your gf, you guys might just not be compatible.

It sounds like you live in a very liberal area & so my advice to you would be to see if there’s any radical feminist organizations near you. I think finding other people who think the same as you will help you feel less guilty. It’ll probably be hard since most radfems are secretive about their beliefs (for obvious reasons lol) but i’m sure you’ll find someone eventually.

[sgiandubh]

I am not a shipper, just not what I see when I look at all I have seen over the years. However, I am truly appalled at the amount of Sam hate I see on so many Tumblr blogs. I don't understand why anyone would follow his career and map out every move he makes if they hate him so much. Their criticism of his acting is always the same, but I would bet none of them has ever done any acting or knows how actors train and prepare. It just makes me wonder what brought them here in the first place. I would never waste so much time and effort on an actor I don't like. Makes zero sense to me.

Also seems to me that everyone in this fandom has decided what they think/believe and cannot seem to have a normal discussion or disagreement at all. Believe what you want- I have no hate for anyone myself. I just come here for fun and to follow two actors I really like. I am sure Sam and Caitriona really never intended all this chaos when they took these roles.

Dear Not a Shipper Anon,

I hope you know, by the time I answer you, that you landed on an ultra shipper page and I also hope you can live with this detail. Barely joking, here - and yes, I decided to give you space and a short answer, because even if non shippers believe I am either a totally retarded, brainless idiot or (at a minimum) the devil incarnate, I am still open to different POVs than mine, as long as they are politely expressed.

If you do not 'see' them together, that is strictly your problem and loss. We, as a group, do not 'see' it either: we know they are together, have been so for a very long time, and still managed to make the relationship work, despite a long list of ehrm, oddities that would seem unacceptable to many. Among us, chances are we do not agree on everything, yet the essential is we all know they are not just co-stars, but so much more (lovers, partners, parents come to mind).

You are correct. I think it would be impossible for you to change my mind about it, as I have no intention of changing yours. We already entered Year Eleven of this saga and by now any dialogue between Antis and Shippers is completely impossible. Also, I am not very friendly towards 'shippers on the fence', who usually follow/share and comment also on the more prominent Anti blogs (BCAC, CRT, Moo, Purv). These people are usually blocked, because I simply can't with stupidity and lack of integrity rolled into one.

So yes, there is a lot of hate. Directed mostly towards S, because he is (and will always be) the main object of desire in this very feminine fandom. And make no mistake: all the women hating S desire him. Deeply. Impossibly. This and also simply being nasty people IRL - I can easily think of one or two legit Fascists, but will control my anger and refuse to name names. Last, but not least, I am going to tell you a secret, Anon: they are not very bright, either. Parochial fools, which I suggest you ignore.

I am sure S & C never knew what they were up to when they took this once in a lifetime opportunity. And I am also positively convinced they had no idea it would last for so long. I can only hope they have, by now, all the support they can use. For all the rest, they have each other.

The picture below has absolutely nothing to do with my answer to you, but I have promised @robinshill a picture I took in the Old City of Kashgar showing its savage destruction by the Chinese bulldozers. If that was the situation in June 2010, I can only imagine it now. Imagine and weep.

[transkittyinatoaster]

Snack for a parasite

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland

Characters: Idia, Rigel, and Perse(OC by @midnightmah07)

Content warnings: Arguing, mild swearing, and discussion of ED(eating disorders)

(until my lazy self downloads some dividers, we'll have to get used to the dorm lounges)

Rigel spun his pencil on the solid tables of the dorm as he swung his legs underneath. Ahead of him was Perse whom was eating a rather mediocre meal

But there was a silence everyone grew accustomed to, as if it was a part of them

“Do you ever wonder how if the multiverse theory is correct, there's a universe where it isn't?” Rigel suddenly asked, breaking the comfortable silence. Perse stopped as she slowly looked at the demon across from her, staring at her with those curious red eyes

“Rigel, do you ever think about what you're going to say?”

He shook his head which caused her to mumble “of course,” before she continued to eat

“Hey,” she began, “did you eat?”

“Eh? Oh, yeah, I ate.” He smiled

She stared at him. “Food. Rigel. Did you eat food? Real food?” She clarified

He went silent

She sighed as she got up to go make him something, “Wha- Hey, wait!-” He got up to follow, but she was already gone, so all he could next was to just sit down

He held his hands together as his feet drummed the floor as he waited apprehensively

She didn't have to do this and she knew that

And he felt bad for the fact she was doing it

He got by on his diet

And now here she is, making sure he ate what everyone else was eating It… felt weird

The food tasted weird

Wrong

He likes the taste of the cardboard from his torn up notebooks

He took one out and tore off a piece, sticking it into his mouth as he chewed on it as a small snack

The small crunches and tears filled the otherwise silent lounge as he ate and swallowed, taking the wood in as food, even if it was the furthest thing from it

He swung his legs as he waited for her return, he probably won't eat what she made

It was pointless anyway

She could be eating the food she made herself but was making it for him

Maybe that's why the food tastes weird

It's because she's making it specifically for him instead of herself or whoever

He got up and walked around, his steps thudding against the marble as he paced in circles

Perse, on the other hand, was making Rigel some sandwiches of a wide variety for Rigel, ensuring he had something he found enjoyable

She always did find it odd when he was the only person who ate Lilia's food with splendor

She sighed as she slightly realized signs from all over the years they've been going here

Maybe he's too far deep to be saved, maybe this'll be worthless in the end

Like a snake eating its own tail

Her thoughts were broken when she saw a hand snatch one of the made sandwiches She turned and saw Idia holding it in his mouth as he grabbed other snacks

She grimaced

This was her housewarden?

“Idia, you do know that's for Rigel, right?”

He glanced at her, now holding the sandwich “Hm? Oh, yeah, I do.”

She slightly scowled

“Then why did you take it?”

He sighed, slightly scowling “I honestly don't see the point in you making food for him. He's not going to eat it. Plus, you're acting as if he's anorexic or something.” He sighed

“As sweet as what you're doing for him is, it's ultimately pointless.”

She stared at him

Appalled, in all honesty

A man, who grew up with Rigel, a man who's more of a brother to him than she is a sister Calling her efforts futile

“.... Are you fucking kidding me?”

“E-eh?” Idia squeaked, slightly shocked by her language

“Idia, do you actually pay attention to your dorm mates?”

He opened this mouth to answer only for her to continue “Oh who am I kidding, of course you don't. You're a housewarden and you can't match the faces to names of IRL people, but you do it easily in games.”

“Idia, you grew up with Rigel, you know everything about him so how the actual fuck are you going to stand there and tell me that my efforts are useless when you, of all people, should know, that Rigel's diet consists of nothing but lead, plastic, metal, dirt, wood, cardboard— Things that have no business being in anyone's diet tract, is in his!” She yelled at him, her hand slamming against the counter as she gestured to the outside

Where Rigel was

Idia shuffled nervously underneath her words

Perse was mad

Maybe her anger was directed to Idia and not doing anything sooner

Maybe it was the world

Everyone. Everything. Who knows.

Rigel heard them to

It was hard not too

Especially since some students made mumbled on how Perse when she's mad sounds like a banshee

Rigel leaned against the doorway, listening to the one sided argument between his sister and Idia

“— Maybe if you weren't so preoccupied with your own devices, you'd have known that Rigel is suffering, and-” Her voice went silent and dead as Rigel finally decided to enter

“Hey, guys!” He grinned at the two, pretending to not notice the red tips of Idia's hair turn blue again

“Ri-Rigel, how long were you there?” Perse asked

“Oh, I just got here!” He grinned at her

Idia grumbled slightly, not believing Rigel for a second but not questioning it

“I- I see… Well, I- I made you some food for later.” Perse gestured to the sandwiches she made

“Oooh! They all look so good! You didn't have to, you know that, right?” Perse nodded

The demon shifted slightly, tugging at his cloak as he stared at the pieces of food she made him

“... I'll eat it later.” He said as he grabbed some bags to put them in for later

“You'll at least have one of them for lunch, right?” She asked as she placed a hesitant hand on his shoulder

“Of course!” He lied with his black grin

His teeth reflecting the fluorescent blue lights of Ignihyde “Now, you look tired, how about you go rest?” He asked a small tilt of his head

“Well… I guess I am a little tired..” she grumbled slightly, running a hand through her hair and softly tugging at her ponytail, “I suppose a quick nap wouldn't hurt..” she mumbled with a shrug

“There ya go!” Rigel softly nudged her to the door, “you go have a nice nap, and we'll wake you if we either need anything or it's dinner.”

“Now don't keep me sleeping for that long, Idia might start a fire.” The two laughed as Rigel gave her a quick hug before she left

He turned to Idia whom also left the room, his arms filled with some snacks and such

He sighed as he backed up, leaning against the counter as his nails dug into the marble, his breath slightly quickening for whatever reason

There was nothing wrong as of this moment

But Perse's unnecessary care and love

She made this for him

For whatever reason

He stared at the bags with the sounds of nails against marble filling the silence

He wasn't going to eat them, of course

He never ate the food she gave unless she was in the room with him

He sighed as he reached took an empty bag that pulled out with another

Stuffing the plastic into his mouth as his teeth began to dig and tear, allowing it to become swallowable

His mouth made the chewing motion a few more seconds before stopping, a soft scowl forming on his features as his mind raced

Maybe—

He heard footsteps and saw a student enter

“Eh?- Oh, hello, Rigel-Senpai.” The student greeted

“Hey….”

There was an awkward silence as they two stared at another

The student went to leave, deciding that whatever he wishes to grab wasn't worth it

“Hey.” Rigel called out before they left

“Do you want a sandwich?” He smiled sweetly to the boy

tag list: @midnightmah07(hi again!)

(first time doing something like this, so if I messed up on anything, pls don't hesitate to tell me)

[lenorelovesmax]

I've seen your brainrot about LiS. So now I'm giving you a chance to talk about what you wanna tell me/us about your love for Naruto. Stat 🎤

Ah, Naruto 🥰 Where to start, where to start.

I had know about it since I was in elementary school, but never actually sat down and started watching it until I was 14. I was hooked immediately and I watched like 10 episodes a day lol 😂 it was summer so I could stay up all night watching it.

I have wonderful memories about watching it with my brother and my cousin, of discussion theories with both my online and irl friends.

I remember relating a lot to Naruto's pain and loneliness back then, so of course I was rooting for him to realize all his dreams.

And of course, I started shipping NaruHina ever since the chuunin exams arc, which to this day is still one of my favorites arcs.

I still remember the smug satisfaction when NaruHina became canon, everyone I knew thought he'd end up with Sakura, but when the last chapter came out I could finally tell them "I told you so" 😂

I love most of the characters in Naruto, but of course a special mention goes to Rock Lee, Gaara and Hinata. I also love Sakura and Sai and Shino and if I keep going I'll just list all the characters 😂😂😂

I've spent my formative years reading Naruto, and I'm really glad about that. I feel like it has taught me a lot of important lessons, like to work hard for your dreams and never give up.

But I think the most important lesson learned from Naruto is that if only people would try to understand one another, then there wouldn't be conflicts.

It's a teaching I've internalized and I've tried to apply it to my life as much as I can, although I don't know if I always succeed in that.

Thank you so much for the ask ❤️

[inventedfangirling]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme!

ah finally after a gazillion years i've been able to get around to doing this after being tagged by the ever sweet @fiercynn , so lemme straightaway get down to it.

note: i consider "fanworks" to pretty much everything people create related to a fandom, including but not limited to meta/analysis/discussion, gifs, fanvids/edits/fancams, filk, fanart, fanfic, fan food, fan crafts, etc.

name and whatever you want to share about yourself

hello there, i'm a 24 year old gray-ace panromantic desi on the romance positive end of the arospec (im still undergoing the wonderful but also often difficult and long journey of discovering myself so this is subject to change :3), i prefer going by my username so i'm not sharing my name.

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

i watched bad buddy exactly 3 months ago on the 15th of May, 2023. i watched all the episodes all on the same day and i know the date because after finishing the show i sent a 7 minute long audio note gushing about the show to my best friend. i ADORED it that much. and that's where all of this started. i loved the show so much and the lack of people i knew irl who were interested meant i had to find other people in the fandom to freak out with. i kept posting one after another favourite bad buddy edit of mine on my twitter page, gushing about it, but i got barely any response and that's when i reminded myself that tumblr exists and i should get back on here. and that's how i made this account 2 weeks after i watched the show and voila here i am surrounded by people who are as crazy about the show as i am and i couldn't be more delighted about it :')

favorite ship(s)

patpran and inkpa ofc

favorite character(s)

i love pat with all my heart, the man he ends up becoming along the course of the show is one of my most favorite portrayals of any man ever BUT pran is my actual favorite, he is my baby, (somehow both) my elder and younger brother and my best friend and he has my whole heart. his love, his hesitance, his anxiety, his bravery, his dimples, his FOREHEAD, his striped shirts, his precious heart i would DIE for him no questions asked.

favorite episode(s)

episode 11. each segment had something for the heart, i adored every single second of it...the sheer volume of beaut quotes from this episode is mind blowing! ("being with you already feels like freedom", "i can be anywhere as long as i have you", "we have been happier a lot too", "thankyou for trying to make a silly guy like me happy..." "i wrote this song for him", "one man can't change the world, but this world can't change me too"), and the soft loving looks of adoration making me clutch my chest, but also there was the quintessential patpran banter and bad buddy humour and wisdom i LOVE this episode with all my heart.

episode 5 is perfection. it comes second for me, but that kiss will always be number 1 <3

favorite scene(s)

rooftop kiss, balcony phone call, episode 7 ending when pat comes to save the day and the play, episode 11 red shirts commitment expression scene, and the final credits and post credits scene

one thing you would change about the show if you could

i wished the gangs didnt bully eo or anybody else even in the beginning, i get it shows growth but still i wished that was shown differently. also i wish we got a conversation where they talk about the guitar. and while we're here i wish it was somehow longer, i could have watched ohmnanon be patpran for HOOOURS.

what are your some of your favorite fanworks made by other people?

traffic was slow for the crash years by @fiercynn aka the creator of this meme. i absolutely adored every single second of the fic. despite it giving me a WORLD of pain. all the pain made it more beautiful and everything was worth it in the end. like i said before you took a great thing and made it even better <3

every piece of art that @hereforlou comes up with. you are a GEM!

all of nanons gorgeous gifsets!!

same page video edit that even p'aof tweeted about. SO good.

enchanted (aka patpran's official song) and other patpran edits by this same SO very talented editor

mudhal nee mudivum nee - another beautiful edit but desi so its even better <3

this super clever edit of patpran to message in a bottle. it's an instant serotonin booster for me.

(if you create fanworks) what are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made?

you can hear it in the silence - bad buddy bet era fic (the only one i've written till now)

my bad buddy textposts collection

my pran and pat's growth posts

this post that took me 20 mins to write but is one of my fav things ive written about the show

my long treatise of bet era patpran that took me a week!

list of accounts (hopefully i haven't forgotten any) whose meta and analysis and brainrot i absolutely adore- @miscellar , @telomeke-bbs , @grapejuicegay , @aroceu, @dudeyuri, @dribs-and-drabbles, @dimplesandfierceeyes, @sharingfandoms, @waitmyturtles, @ranchthoughts, @lurkingteapot, @lurkingshan, @thegayneurodivergentagenda, @kenmakaashi, @absolutebl, @charthanry, @bengiyo, @mahuhumaling, @panickedbisexualwatchesbl, @jemmo, @patspran, @fiercynn, @midnightfreeway, @fierceeyesanddimples and a couple more im sure ive missed. it was {and continues to be} a pleasure reading their thoughts about the show (or any other show that we've mutually watched).

a song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol)

message in a bottle because of this edit

daylight cos of this edit

enchanted, because of the infinite edits we've got from it and if im not wrong pat ohm has acknowledged it too

and basically all other romantic songs in the history of romance i guess :3

alrighty then i think i'm done with this tag. this was a LOT of fun to compile <3

[bongwooder]

idk I guess I could make an official post about it since I've been basically regressing to 12 year old me anyways and she LOVED to overshare on this godforsaken website

click more for ramblings if ur curious! definitely interested in hearing others perspectives since I am very socially isolated rn compared to most people I guess

ever since my ADHD diagnosis and possible autism diagnosis I've just been thinking a LOT about my life including my gender and sexuality. like, ever since my parent's divorce in 2022 I've been unravelling a lot of trauma I didn't even know I had, including how my roommate has helped me realize truly how emotionally neglected I was a child. it is NOT normal for a child to be online essentially 24/7 from ages 8-18. I think I really did some serious damage because my parents were too fucked to bother to check on me and make sure I like... went outside. had friends. showered. basic hygiene etc etc etc and of course I didn't know any better because uuuhhh children need to be TAUGHT things not just yelled at to do it or made fun of for their unknown disability. and I've been going through points of time where I'm MAD. like, PISSED. that my parents let me do that to myself. a little insecure neurodivergent girl searching, yearning, begging for ANYTHING to explain her inability to cope with reality and sensory overload, to socialize and make friends at school, to feel like her life had meaning and that what was not known at the time to be symptoms of her disability weren't just personal failures

so, of course, I feel like the moment I realized I may have a group that would actually accept me as I was, I latched onto it. and that was my beginning identifying as transgender. I've said this before to irl friends, but my thoughts at the time were "well I'm a completely well adjusted intelligent person [child], but I can't seem to get along with my female peers, so I must be a male actually!" but then like... idk why I always failed to realize the boys didn't like me either?? so it's not "girls don't like me because I'm too masculine and boys don't like me because I'm too feminine" it was actually just "no one likes me because I'm autistic"

and it's strange because I feel like the physical dysphoria felt VERY real, hating my chest and my genitals, but also like... I went through puberty kinda early and also bc I was fat I "had" to wear a bra VERY early. so I think I was resenting the sexualization of my body and coping with the fact that boys paid me 0 mind in any sort of dating context when that became relevant. So I think my dysphoria was actually more like dysmorphia?

and I think I only ever "hated pink and girly things" because I so desperately wanted attention from ANYONE, for SOMEONE to ask me what's wrong or why I thought that way, for someone to tell me it's okay to be a girl even though I'm fat and autistic. and it just never happened. and I grieve for that little girl who never felt like she could express herself in fear of what people would think bc she truly had no positive adult figures in her life. and I can't help but feel deep anger for the teachers around me who didn't realize just how deep the damage was, or if they did and told my parents and THEY chose to do nothing, I feel deep anger with them.

I thought maybe if I could just be a boy I didn't have to worry that much about being attractive to boys or being skinny or being pretty. then I could just be myself! and I think that did serve a purpose for its time.

I don't regret identifying as trans or any social transitioning I have already done. I love being Ollie, although I do wonder if another name may suit me better in these times. I know I'll always have an unconventional self expression but I just wonder what it would be like to be an independent adult woman because I've never been that, and I've never had adult women friends that have reached a level of platonic intimacy with me where I can discuss this and explore it with someone who has always lived as a woman! i yearn to decorate my body and dress myself in ways that reveal the the body I am proud to have carry me day by day no matter how large. I yearn to sink into softness and receive love, I don't want to fight for reciprocation. I don't want to be codependent but I just want to feel taken care of for once in my life instead of feeling like I'm crawling and clawing my way through life not knowing where the hell I'm going. I don't even know what womanhood/femininity MEANS but I want to try it! I think I'd enjoy it! do I have permission to try it? am I allowed to enjoy it? I hate that I need to be "brave" and "resilient" just to exist in my fucking body and brain. I resent the poisoned masses for resenting me but I know I know kindness and i know I am beautiful and I know I can provide happiness for others, I'm just also ready to be provided for too from a woman just as strong and beautiful and intelligent and kind and funny

I think I skated my point a little bit but even after saying all this, I don't know if I'll ever feel "cis." i think my life played out how it needed to for me to get here and now. my biggest fear is "coming out as cis" and having everyone who ever doubted my transness or invalidated me (including my own family) tell me "I told you it was a phase" because YEAH, MAYBE IT WAS. but at least I've been actively trying to listen to my body and brain to build the life I think will make me happiest in the context of my consciousness. and I just want to surround myself with people who trust me and know I'm smart and know this is something I think about deeply before projecting

all this to say I have a lot of work to do, and I'm excited to do it, cis or trans

[cartoonrival]

Nrto/Brto for 3 10 & 17?

bro literally the wider naruto fandom sucks so bad idek where to begin

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

i dont have a specific example so instead im gonna give a general gripe about a trend that ive seen in many takes over time

the black and white thinking and refusal to think for half a second about characters other than ur faves Reminds Me Of Something!real ones know. the way people talk about any character with any sort of greyness to their morality kinda makes me crazy and i lowkey think ppl bring up kishimoto TOO MUCH in their discussion of the storys themes bc while obviously like its important to talk abt WHY he wrote it the way he did esp wrt nationalism and all, i think also it sort of dulls ur ability to think anything complex about it if u blame everything u dont like or think was "sloppily done" on kishimoto. judging every character based on kishimoto's morals instead of their own if that makes sense? its not like "the wrong way to do things" i just personally find it really boring when thats the only way youll look at a text. like no wonder you guys are constantly making jokes about how naruto sucks and you'd never recommend it, you wont even allow yourselves to think about the story as its own piece of art beyond just "kishimoto wrote it this way because he sucks" like do you ever think maybe youre killing some of the fun of media analysis... i think its why so many people hate sakura or kakashi or itachi or anyone else. and this always comes out in the way ppl characterize bc theyre like Um I've Fixed Them :) and then its the blandest shit ever because you absolutely refuse to work even slightly WITH the story you claim to love, only fighting tooth and nail against it.

some examples of what i mean w this: basically any conversation about itachi that tries to categorize him as either good or bad. basically any conversation about sakura that tries to do literally anything or nothing with her. people making sns blandly romantic as if the insane and inventive ways they talk about their feelings for each other in canon isnt genuinely part of what makes it so maddeningly fascinating and awesome. anyone who thinks kakashi is a bad teacher. its just this refusal to meet the characters where they are and think of anything in terms of the text itself rather than exclusively in a meta way, ie "this is how it would be if it was good." no its not. you just made it how it would be if it was bland and obvious. dont you literally think the fact that the guy writing it was accidentally writing his characters to be struggling against the same shit that he was struggling against irl and struggling to keep Out of his writing is like. wildly fascinating and part of waht makes the story intersting to pick apart. but ok. this also applies to aspects of boruto primarily sasusaku and naruhina marriages. no one gets it like i doooooo

10. worst part of fanon

everybodys always shipping kakashi with someone and its never even guy. if youre gonna ship kakashi it had better fucking be with guy bc theres gen srs no one else he would be caught dead romancing with and i cant even see how you could read any of his other relationships as romantic. he doesnt even HAVE a relationship with iruka. i get that not every ship has to have canon support but its all either 1) literally not even interesting to think about or 2) what they have actually going on is way more interesting but see my response to question 3. its the same with gaara honestly the more i think about it the more annoyed i get about the ignorance surrounding just-short-of-canon aroace gaara ToT like if u didnt know then ok... but you should learn because its awesome. i just thinking the shipping culture in the fandom is annoying like everyone has to be shipped with someone and that seems to come before their genuinely interesting relationships. and those genuinely interesting relationships are sanded down into something normal. idk this is a gripe that goes w Many Many fandoms but i feel like w naruto its particularly bad largely on account of See Previous Answer. ppl are like "its written this way bc kishimoto is homophobic i will fix this" then they make it suck because shockingly ik kishi actually wrote a good as fuck story if deeply flawed

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

ill be fr i dont gen seek out fics or art independently to be 100% sure that stuff i'd be looking for isn't out there somewhere. but i think ppl really really should just. think about sakura more. i literally love her sm but ppl won't think abt her beyond either 1) she sucks and i hate her (but this is because of kishimoto's writing and has nothing to do with me! if i rewrote naruto then she wouldn't be there 😌 this is a kindness to her and not because i cant be assed to think about a woman for 5 seconds) or 2) girlboss!!!! like.... is that scene in the land of iron not BIBLICAL to anyone else....??? is her devotion to someone she's lost faith in out of loyalty to someone she loves and is losing her ability to understand not FASCINATING???? TO ANYONE ELSE???? IS THE WAY SHE PICKS UP THE TRAITS OF HER TEACHER THAT HE SPECIFICALLY IS NOT MEANING TO PASS ON TO HER NOT HEARTWRENCHING???????? you people suck. instead you write ooc sns over and over and draw kakashi without his mask kissing fucking obito

[wolfsbane-and-nettles]

Was discussing compliments last night with my spouse and it made me curious about others opinions on compliments.

How do you feel about compliments? Do you enjoy them and trust them? Do you have to be in the right headspace?

Compliments are a sticky subject for me. Growing up most compliments were either a prelude to wanting something from me or a backhanded compliment. One of the only genuine ones I can remember is when my maternal grandmother told me "Yellow is your colour." So I am always suspicious and dismissive of compliments even from my spouse, which is not exactly great.

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer.

I feel very much the same. I for one LOVE giving compliments, and I am actually rather proud of my compliment giving abilities…at least irl.

Receiving compliments???? That’s hard. It feels as if many people only give superficial compliments, primarily about looks, and my self esteem is far too low in that department to feel comfortable actually accepting it.

Like you mentioned with “yellow is your color”, that is such a NICE compliment! I love that! Working customer service, that was one of the compliments I loved giving. If someone looks good in a color YOU LET THEM KNOW! Sometimes I might have been too intimate with them, because some people (like me) don’t like being perceived. I try to be specific with my compliments, like “the color of your shirt really brings out the brightness of your eyes.”

Some people love that, others don’t. It is hard to gauge. I also love giving men compliments like that, seeing as so rarely men are complimented regarding those things. It’s nice to make them smile or blush happily to hear me say stuff like that…so long as I make sure they know I’m not flirting.

Growing up, many compliments I remember were always made up. Like…the person who gave it actually didn’t mean it, and would laugh to their friends that I thought there were being honest. It wasn’t an always occurring thing, but it sure was often enough to be a core memory.

I also grew up yearning for constructive compliments, but never knowing how to ask for them. Often times I’d be complimented on how creative I was…but no one ever really went into detail about what they meant. People would say that “I love how creative you are!” But never “the way you made this one detail is so neat!” Like that.

I have though, gotten some wonderful compliments later on in life that have meant the world to me, and here are a few:

-(from a pregnant woman to me)I want my child to grow up to be just like you.

-(from an older lady to 16y/o me) I want to grow up and be like you.

-You make me want to be a better person.

-The way you try to see the world is inspiring.

Things along those lines. It means so much to hear those things. Those compliments were given to me during different periods of mental health recovery during intensive treatment programs, so these were from people who had heard my entire life story, saw me for me, and still thought I was worth something.

Now, sometimes when I’m giving compliments, if I’m not masking…it can get awkward. As a child I complimented my friend on having a bird beak for lips, because her lips were very Cupid bowed and it looked a bit like a small beak…I thought it was so cute and cool!!! She did not. It really hurt her to hear me say that and it ruined our friendship (4th grade).

Same thing with a woman who had vitiligo. I said she looked like a horse…like the painted horses/pinto horses. So pretty! Turns out work. Don’t want to be called a horse….

I now try to refrain from anything that mentions potentially triggering things: anything size/shape related especially…

Not all compliments go well, and I definitely don’t take them well…but I just smile and hope they were being authentic. It’s their own fault if they’re not.

If someone wants to butter me up with compliments just so I’ll do something for them, jokes on them! I so crave acceptance that I’ll do it regardless of compliments! (Not a good thing, buuuuuuuut oh well.)

[namtanlovesfilm]

Hi ! As someone who likes Off, I often wonder what his offscreen personality is like. I noticed he doesn't go out often, all of his current best friends (both showbiz and non-showbiz) are people who he met at least a decade ago, he comes across as a very simple and sweet guy. So, I think he is an introvert without social anxiety, very private, and is slightly afraid of people / fans leaving him (hence the one sided OTT fanservice sometimes) but is also afraid of ... being taken advantage of by people he love, almost as if he has trouble being vulnerable? Idk. I often try to analyse him haha. All of this is to ask - have you ever tried observing and made assumptions about his character and personality? If yes, what do you think about him? Please feel free to ignore this ask if you don't want to answer, thank you!

hi! I think most of your analysis of off is spot on, except for the fact that he is an introvert. as confirmed by tay in this video a year ago, off is an ESTJ on the mbti scale, which was also a big surprise for me bc I assumed that he was an introvert but nope! actually though if you read info about ESTJ's you'll see it fits him very well, he's a "director" which is so accurate for him since he takes on the role of leader & phi in pretty much every situation! but yes, off is a homebody & a very private person. one of the reasons I love off so much is bc he is so interesting & layered, on the one hand he is the class clown who doesn't discuss a lot of deep things openly, but on the other he is someone who enjoys his solitude, plans for the future & thinks about things with philosophy. his interview with GQ he did last year is still one of my favorites bc we see a more grown & thoughtful aspect of off. but yes, off is also a deeply insecure person in my eyes. the way he's always almost begged fans to stay with him for 30 more years, and he also always makes self-deprecating jokes about his body, his nostrils & nose, etc. show us that. the fact that he admitted being self-conscious about doing shirtless scenes (despite the fact that he's had so many, even before not me lmao) also tells us that. and he also 100% has trouble being vulnerable, he said before that his only way of showing love to his family is giving them money, and even tay said that despite being his best friend, they don't talk about anything deep together. despite all that, I think off is secure in himself bc he knows himself & his worth, and grows more confident by the day! he is a walking paradox bc he has so many contradicting traits, but my opinion is that he is 100% the person he portrays himself to be. the reason off occupies a good 80% of my heart & only leaves 20% for the rest of my fave thai actors is bc I believe him to be the most honest & the most himself thai actor. and having seen him irl, seen the way he's nice to everyone, makes sure to come meet his fans, be polite & kind to everyone who meets him, literally walk with a bounce in his step like a cartoon character, become besties with the security guards & photographers at each event, crack up jokes, make his signature weird faces, I can only say... while I don't know exactly who off is off-camera, I love every second of what I've seen so far <3

xxx

[banavalope]

It's been very interesting reading your responses to all the questions about that Japanese article. You speak really well and I've enjoyed reading your POV. I find the whole discourse kind of wild because I've been in fandom for 16+ years. I'm a multishipper and I've always had a 'ship and let live' kind of view to things. There are absolutely things I'm not comfortable with reading/seeing, but the back button and block function are wonderful tools. Plus with fanfiction having such multitudinous tagging options available it's easy to avoid things I don't like.

To me something enjoyed in a fictional space has little correlation to things enjoyed in IRL spaces, but I do have understanding for peoples' reservation when encountering certain topics and being unsure how the creator stands on those topics in a non-fictional space. I try very hard to see the best in people and assume people are good until proven otherwise [and yes this has bitten me in the ass before, but I will continue on].

I'm not quite sure where I was going with this, but yes, I wanted to say thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I've recently returned to Tumblr after a brief stint on Twitter and it's nice to see people talking openly and calmly about things C:

Thank you! As strange as it might be to say, I'm glad the initial anon sparked the discussion at all, because this is the kind of stuff that will gnaw at me pretty often. I've been around in fandoms for over 20 years and enjoy the community aspect, part of that experience has always been in discussing what we enjoy, don't enjoy, enthusiasms, takeaways, and the thrill in the variance of opinion it all has. I love when I have a difference in opinion with somebody in fandom because I want them to have that opportunity to talk about their headcanons. It's enthusiasm! I love creating and being part of collective enthusiasm! Pretty sure that's a shared sentiment by just about anybody.

But then I see the way fandom communities have become increasingly more hostile over time, especially to differences in opinion, and I have to wonder why that is. I've got some good guesses, but then I would have to write a book.

In the event people who haven't left yet are getting sick of this talk, I'm gonna put it under a read more lmao

One thing I've seen go nearly extinct in many areas of fandom has been the concept of agreeing AND disagreeing, both at the same time, with something. I haven't really paid any words to what I disagreed about with the initial article, mostly because I was already saying so much about all that other stuff lol, but like I didn't agree with everything that was said. I had questions of my own.

Overall, I thought it was a good critical look at how I should really just say "I hate pedophiles and other types of sexual abuse" in my tumblr about page, instead of using non-words like proship or anti. I hadn't ever considered how unhelpful it might be, to overseas fandom especially, using hyperniche american slang about something so important to convey.

An outside perspective looking in on my country in a way I could never replicate, afforded me the ability to think about how we can't be compared to Japanese fandom, the artist can take the perspective of a pro shipper to mean someone who's sensible (ship and let live, as you put it) because Japan has entirely different social norms to America. I can't agree with their take on that, but I agree with their take on that at the same time. I would love to know more about the history of japanese online fandom so I could compare and contrast it with my knowledge of american online fandom. I wonder what their biggest problems are with other fans, what their "toxic fan traits" are, if any.

It also got me to think about terms like "block and ignore" or "ship and let live", and how those are sentiments I agree with in core concept, but disagree with at face value. Maybe they've become too vague, like proship and anti. Maybe it's time to change the dialogue to say we should understand that when people fetishize children, the focus is entirely on the age of those characters, how actual predators won't age characters up or talk about aged up versions of characters if their interest in those characters is the fact they're canonically underaged; or establishing that if you as a minor are having issues with seeing something dangerous, when blocking and ignoring is not enough for you as a minor to feel safe, making fandom mentors aware of the dialogue you want to have can help us set a precedent.

I have no idea how many conversations it's going to take for fandom to get to a point where we start being more analytical, but one of these days it would be nice if we could stop painting the flags unanimously red.

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

organizing care + being a legal guardian + struggle tweeting irl

enstars thought collection below. i dont know how we got here.

anyway, so this is a post where i talk about my vague ideas on whats up with kanames health and care situation. like, legally speaking.

(spoilers for everything surrounding kaname, obbligato specifically)

basically. i am an avid tatsumi and himeru enjoyer and healthcare business and law is? my hobby? idk if you can call this a hobby? so i have been absolutely obsessing over every little throwaway line we get about how kanames long-term care is organized. because depending on who is currently responsible on paper... that could really influence a lot, right!!! since right now kaname is unable to make health decisions for himself.

we all know (ore-)himeru is going through a lot and the possibility of an added responsibility and financial burden of a guardianship on him is something that is very interesting to me.

point of the post so this post isnt much about existing laws (as they are extremely complicated, even if youre native to a region and language), i mostly want to discuss what we know and the possibilities and the mental burden of carrying legal responsibility on top of internal emotions (grief, guilt, loneliness, despair and hopelessness, possessiveness even, and whatever else himeru has going on).

its smth that strongly gnaws on you. i think everyone who ever had to apply for care/benefits will know how horrible of a process it is.

boring health stuff i tried to look up japanese law surrounding how long-term payment and guardianship is organized and who qualifies for both. i am german so obviously most of my knowledge only concerns the legal situation here, unfortunately. i am Assuming enstars just follows the laws of irl japan and as such at least a considerable chunk of financial burdens should be lifted by the countries mandatory insurance.(70%) BUT the long-term intensive care situation for people under the age of 40 is murky (relevant long-term care laws exist for the elderly and aim to provide financial relief. but idk how theyd handle the case of a teenager, especially one that, we can assume, used to be in the foster system. the jpn foster system is its own can of worms) no surprise, disability/care related payment plans for young people, esp those who have never been employed or paid into insurance, are always like. ridiculously convoluted. sometimes nonexistent. so who knows which laws specifically affect kaname here.

(ore-)himeru mentions him still being at a hospital (in romantic? date chapter 5) so that is a vital clue that this has not been outsourced to some other care facility. so i wonder... how expensive is this currently. must be intense. i am just willing to bet his legal guardian (will get to this in a second) has to make financial efforts, on top of the papers and forms and emotional burden that such an arrangement brings with itself. additionally, its somewhat obvious but ill specify it anyways: we are talking about a full-time in-patient situation. (ore-)himeru mentions the circumstances of kanames current health in chapter 1 of the epilogue of obbligato. (while not fully comatose, kaname is not lucid. he does some vocalizing sometimes but communication is not possible.)

so. HiMERU and all that makes you wonder... are the himerus connected via guardianship. we know from obbligato that kanames mothers is dead, he grew up alone (the tojo family not being in the picture, apparently), and while their father is alive, he was not in a position to care for either of them himself, health-wise. (and financially, i am willing to bet) so, responsibility would just jump to the next relative; that being the adult brother. young adult who barely made it back to the country! but working and adult and insured nonetheless, therefore qualifying.

i would assume (ore-)himeru did not need to step up/wasnt really in the picture either (at least health system databases might not have been aware of him) but he visits him in the hospital. even before that, he attempted to become at least somewhat involved in kanames life by his rough attempts to coach him. and most of all, you know how much kaname means to him. i am just going to assume he claimed him.

and like, thats a shit situation for someone in their early 20s (or however old he is). that would be horrible for anyone in a more stable situation at a more established age.

the emotional baggage of it all. not only have you just met your half brother and just gotten around to the idea of having family, you instantly get it taken from you again. the loss and grief and guilt must be unimaginable.

(ore-)himeru has.... unbelievable issues when it comes to... his attempts to prepare what he thinks would be an ideal life for kaname. whether in hope of one day handing it over or just as a sad tribute to what could have been or an attempt to keep “himeru”, the artistic vision, alive. however much of this is happening in what percentage and on what conscious level.

so to the urge to make “himeru” famous, this would add the absolute need to make himeru famous as a source of steady good income. of course (ore-)himeru is desperate to do well out of pride and love but financially and on paper he would be responsible for two people, adding to the pressure to be as successful as possible.

(additionally, while it does not justify (ore-)himeru’s actions, himeru also dodged a public scandal by staying an idol and performing as per usual. there were no news about an idol being beaten and staying unconscious and that by itself provides protection from the public for kaname. especially since his family is infamous to begin with. i wonder how much this would have mattered.)

matching themes? personally as a disabled person, as far as guadianship and custodianship goes, i have a lot of feelings. we all experienced it when we were younger and probably felt powerless in front of our parents sometimes. so experiencing this in your adulthood is GUTTING. yet, it can be absolutely necessary. and while guardians and custodians are often looked down upon, a lot of them are family members with their heart and mind in the right place, who make good decisions for someone they love. it cannot be underestimated how much paperwork and exhausting+annoying communication with your insurance provider goes into it.

so between this and (ore-)himerus behaviour in general i see a lot of matching themes.... mostly control and perseverance and, ofc, a certain flair of being very very condescending towards the person you are supposed to protect. after all, kaname cannot make any decisions right now, not about his health or “himeru”. and perhaps one day maybe his state will change and he will suddenly be more aware of his surroundings and forced to confront what happened without his influence. and he will find that his brother made responsible comprehensible decisions when it comes to his health but, without any need or agreement, took extreme liberties when it comes to his name. they are both important parts of him and (ore-)himeru having that double responsibilty and going wild with it is scary to me. and probably also scary to him. but he is too deep into it at this point.

idk. does any of this make sense. is this interesting. personally, the added layer of pressure and drama is interesting to me. to me its like... it supports all the themes we find in himeru anyway and makes his struggles worse, it just neatly fits into place.

personal related kaname thoughts will the story ever make him more lucid? who knows! i am terrified, personally, of the possibility.

enstars has its fair share of insensitive to offensive writing and i cannot imagine this going well. i cannot imagine them writing this in a way that is respectful and includes a realistic rehab process that restores a realistic amount of physical and neurological functions. especially since... not gonna lie guys. at this point. idk how much quality of life kaname can regain in his current state.

+the added trouble he would get in because (ore-)himeru, essentially, stole his identity is straight up infuriating. i dont think i have to mention this. where do you even start and TRY to live a normal life after this shit.

and thats sad. bc i love kaname dearly. he is an extremely silly, bratty, lovable character to me and i want the best for him so i have these horribly detailed harsh expectations. maybe it will never happen and ngl, that would be perfectly fine with me, too.

disclaimer etc etc i dont know shit about the japanese health system and if you somehow happen to know how intensive long-term care for an underage person that grew up in the foster system would be financed (like, who is responsible??!?!??!?!) please let me know >:) i love learning about health systems. a lot of the stuff i wrote above is just really basic common sense, i just wanted to talk about it.

[ninjamelissajulien]

i want to get this off my chest

ive never felt connected to gender to be honest. i have the body of a woman, and sometimes i like it, but other times i wish i was just... vague. like, i dont see myself as a man, but i don’t quite feel connected to the set definition of a woman. ive always felt that inside im kind of a void, never truly a woman on the inside. ive always hated my name. yes, the one in my username. ive hated it for so many years. i refuse to change my url because im a stubborn bitgh. but, ive yearned for androgyny. I want to be androgynous. i want short hair. I want to be known as Hunter. i like that name. i like it when im called that irl. 

but my parents. i can never tell them.

they already struggle with me identifying as ace lesbian. even though its been 7 years since i came out, i know they still doubt me. i want to tell them so badly. i want them to know that im genderqueer. or nonbinary. something. i dont know. they already dont understand the “they” as a singular pronoun and they’re not too keen on adapting. i dont think i can ever truly tell them. but god do i want to. i want to experiment. i want to know who i am. i want to tell them that i lean towards tarot and wiccan ideology, rather than the catholic ideals i was raised with, yet they cant accept the fact that i never have and never will be catholic. 

yet, im also scared im never going to find love. 

ive never felt a romantic connection to anyone. the few times ive gotten close, nothing was ever reciprocated. im 25 and still havent had my first kiss for christ’s sake. i want to know what a real kiss feels like. i want to have someone i can hold hands with, to shower with gifts and tiktoks that make me think of them, to listen to them discuss what theyre passionate about. i want someone to hold at night. i want someone i can cook for. i want to walk around and say “look at my beautiful, handsome partner”. im so scared of dating apps, or going to bars. ive tried asking people out. it never goes anywhere. somedays, i think im too ugly to ever be loved. who would ever want anyone like me. im a nobody. im always going to be replaceable. ill be forgotten anyways. i always am. ive had so many failed friendships, ive tried to hold on but they always drift away. somedays i wonder why i bother. with anything. 

my name is hunter. im 25 years old, im genderqueer/nonbinary, i am she/they. im lonely, im scared, im forgettable, im replaceable. thats all ill ever be