#gosh golly its ollie

[bongwooder]

does anyone have any pointers to specific info or blogs about detransitioning/retransitioning for "FTMTF"*/afab folks re-embracing their femininity that ISNT transphobic and full of TERFs? I'm really tired of hearing people's stories where they give an explanation of a completely normal growing/learning life experience that resulted in them being cis after all but they just HAVE to be like "and that's why those evil trannies must be stopped" like...??? is there anyone blogging about this experience who is normal about it

also if I see any detrans kink content I'll disintegrate your bones

*air quotes bc I don't necessarily identify w/ the term but if u do ok

[mellowfurbaby]

This is Olliver.  He is my newest Grandpup.  We had the pleasure of his endless puppy joy for company recently for two weeks while his Mum & Dad were away.  Always a joy to have that puppy energy and excitement around as a reminder of how much fun life can be when even the little things like a grasshopper jumping catches that pups attention and off he goes.  LOL  He loved and I do mean LOVED to pester his older relative, Finley.  Oh my gosh, if a dog could grin (which, honestly, look at that picture, I think he can grin), he would have smiled out right while pestering his “cousin’.  Poppy, on the other hand, would have nothing to do with the energetic little guy.    Let me relate a little story during our Ollie visit:

When I got the privilege to puppy sit Ollie PeeBody, he came with a bag of goodies (toys, food, leash, harness and most importantly – The Do’s and Don’ts instruction sheet – LOL) And I have tried to honor the no human food rule (did really good with that one), the no on the furniture rule (Also, I have done exceptional with this one too – There was this one time Ollie jumped into my lap on the blue chair for some cuddling – but he did it, not me – and I immediately got him to the floor where I joined him – lol)  But I digress, I have fed him his puppy food with a tad supplemental from Finley’s stock. – Not sure if that was allowed in the rule book – oh well.  His harness was a tad small on him – I figured I might grab him one if I got to the store.  Well, GG had to watch Ollie for us for the day when we went to the coast.  Too many windy, twisty roads for him.  (Didn’t want to make the poor dog afraid of long car rides)  I left Ollie with his food and instructions, several toys and his “Treat Ball” .  Ollie loves his treat ball – but then again, why wouldn’t he – He plays with it and it spits out yummy food.  Win Win. I had let GG know that Ollie no longer got “lunch” but I had been supplementing his diet with his treat ball with food left over from his breakfast rations.  I even pre-loaded the ball so she wouldn’t have to.  When we got home from the trip to the coast, we rescued the pups from GG’s house.  And she tells me the treat ball is GONE.  What the Heck!  That ball is a good 5 inches tall maybe even six and a bright orange color.  You could see it in the dark without a light.  It is way too large to lose under a couch. So I looked all over GG’s house – under things that I know it could not possibly have fit under (found about a dozen “missing” tennis balls – that made Fin pretty happy).  But Good Golly, I could not find that missing treat ball anywhere.  At this point, I am thinking somehow maybe it made its way outside.  I would have blamed Makia for taking it and burying it if she had been around still.  I did give Fin a sideways look – but he looked completely innocent.  So my last suspect was Poppy.  She is evil enough to want to hide that from Ollie but I am not sure she could pick it up unless she grabbed it at the food dispatching hole. So at this point, I am thinking Poppy was giggling deep inside at stealing that ball.  So the next day, I grabbed ole’ Ollie PeeBody and we went to Petco.  We got a new soft harness in slimming black in a large size ( I think he will grow out of it by the end of October), we got a new treat ball and a chew toy made especially for puppies in the 50 lb range, it is in the shape of a leg bone. LMAO.  We actually have the same Nyla Bone shaped toy at home that Jax had at our house – with the exception that the one we had for Jax was designed for adult dogs and is a tad harder, white in color and the same leg bone shape. The new one is a softer material made for puppy teeth, it is light brown and supposedly “chicken” flavor.  I will admit I did NOT bite on it to confirm the “chicken” flavor aspect of the toy, just gonna take their word for it. LOL  And Ollister LOVED that chew toy.  He ran around that night with it – showing it off to Finley (teasing him with it really).  I went over to GG’s house to show her the new treat ball and as I was standing there (she was sitting in front of the TV in the corner)  I looked out the front porch window and what the hell!!!  I found that gosh-darned missing bright orange treat bearing ball under the raised water/food dish stand.  Good Lord – we looked everywhere.  And by everyone – I mean, me, Ron and GG (she actually moved furniture and swept under things – woohoo – bonus)  Dang it!  Lol  I think Poppy is the culprit.  That’s my story and I am sticking to it.  LOL  So I am going to return that $24 dog toy that we do not need.  There is a point to this story really.  LOL  That Chicken flavored, appendage shaped chew toy has been seeing some pretty good action. So I think that was a well-chosen attention getter.  Ollivander spends at least ten minutes not pestering Finley while he chews on this “leg”. So last night, Ollisky was extremely feisty and was pestering Fin even worse than he normally does.  He was pouncing all over him as that poor old man was just trying to rest his weary bones on the living room floor.  Until…  Until Finster looked over and saw the now neglected Chicken Flavored leg.  You could almost see the wicked grin and eyebrow lift that appeared on Fins face.  I do believe I did hear a slight chuckle as he leaned way over and grabbed that goody and began to chew incredibly loudly and with gusto as the forlorn Ollietree looked on.  It was one of those “Visa Card Priceless Moments” for sure.  So funny!  Ollister was whining and pouting  and trying to grab that “leg” from Finley and Finley was not letting it go.  He had that chew toy for hours last night – just teasing Ollivander.  LMAO  I thought that was the ultimate payback.  Way to go Fin!  I actually think Finley was hell bent on destroying that chew toy.  LOL   He gnawed at it and then would spit out little chunks of toy.  LOL  He had a grand old time with that “leg”.

[bongwooder]

I need a new icon, Tony is cutting it anymore

[bongwooder]

there's an angel and devil on my shoulders..the devil tells me to post tit pics. the angel is losing

[bongwooder]

[bongwooder]

I think we need to find a balance between "there's absolutely no necessity in trying to impress our cishet oppressors/adhere to respectability politics" and "words mean things and labels serve purposes" ykwim?

[bongwooder]

fighting the parasites in my brain telling me to start shaving my eyebrows and drawing them back on 80s-90s goth style

[bongwooder]

"is it a cute outfit, or are they just skinny?" should be stamped onto y'all's eyelids I swear. if I could block every skinny Instagram user so all I saw was fellow fat folks I 150% would

[bongwooder]

stupid stupid dunce me got fucking cotton stuck in my ear from using qtips like a dumass and now I gotta go to the urgent care this weekend and confess my sins so they can flush my ear canal. idiot

[bongwooder]

taking womanhood in my arms and tucking her hair behind her ear and telling her I forgive her

[bongwooder]

July 2023 the day we brought him home vrs. a week ago. the fuckin Fattening of this man (also minus worms and plus grooming n hydration)

[bongwooder]

fat women are actually better than anyone or anything, not a lot of people know this

[bongwooder]

even if I'm AFAB does that mean I'm allowed to be a girl

[bongwooder]

margaritas yummey

[bongwooder]

I'd like to explicitly mention in a clear-cut way that any discussion of my "detransition"/retransition (definitely finding more comfort in "retransition") is solely a developing narrative of my own experiences. It is absolutely not my goal to devalue the trans experience, or criticize those who are transitioning, especially trans women since I feel like a lot of detrans narrative can paint a bad picture of """autogynephiles""" while trying to delegitamize the trans feminine experience. I refuse to follow the doctrine of toxic radical feminists who think of womanhood as a burden, or the idea of "why the fuck would you want to be a woman, you must be a pervert" bc that's actually fucking disgusting to think for everyone involved! this is why I'm so desperately trying to seek out detrans resources of "FTMTF" individuals who are not TERFs or feel the need to paint the entire transgender community as some sort of cult or scam.

and like I've said, I don't know if I'll ever feel cisgender. I feel like I've built a life surrounded around my gender and sexuality, but only because it was in the absence of a rich inner life that was robbed from me through a lifetime of abuse at the hands of those who were supposed to care. ive been carving my own way out of depression and anxiety since ive had conscious thought, and yeah, I'm fucking tired and may not be phrasing everything to the Most Ethical Most Moral Of My Abilities. but also the last thing I want to do is make anyone feel like their experiences are invalid or that they're "wrong to be trans" because that's obviously not true.

if there's one thing about gender I've learned and appreciate is that there is no possible way through verbal, written, and/or visual communication to truly and wholly describe your inner gender experience. there will always be nuance, and with gender having such a large impact in how OTHER's perceive you, you could never truly understand just how they experience your gender either. I can't control how people see me but if I can express myself in how I wish to, and people choose to feel uncomfortable with that whether or not they express it to me, that's their burden. I'm not carrying others discomfort anymore. if me being a woman in the way I wish to be a woman is wrong, that's their reality, not mine. you cannot objectively define a subjective experience that lives within the context of all that has been and all that is and all that will be.

I may very well be a fat lesbian woman with AuDHD. it's scary to say right now but that might be my reality right now, perhaps lol. is it possible to just BE non-binary without saying I am? without making it the asterisk of my womanhood, it's just MY womanhood

[bongwooder]

lrb there is verbiage in this post that I'm not a fan of but the overall point sits very well with me. my discomfort with my chest as a young girl was not MY discomfort at all, it was the discomfort of those around me that was projected onto me and my discomfort with being sexualized as a young girl (very normal feeling! minors should not be sexualized! not a hot take!) and I just so happened to find myself among people who I unspecifically read their problem as "I hate my breasts" with the unspecific un-nuanced solution of "I will surgically remove them" and I accepted that bc it seemed so easy! to grapple with my body among a sea of those who tell me to otherwise feel bad about it, that's very difficult for a young girl being actively emotionally abused/neglected on top of undiagnosed AuDHD. the adults around me failed me and that's not my fault but now it's on me to deal with I guess!