#an interesting way to start a week is by waking up to ~10 people coming into your place on a day you have to work

[erisisthefairest]

Picture this: me, a trans man, at an afterparty 5:30 am Monday morning solely because I was woken up by it coming into my apartment and wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep before I had to get up for work anyway.

So this nonbinary person and this trans woman start having a whole discourse with each other on nonbinary vs trans people and at one point the doll is like "i feel like trans men never talk about it" and I'm like "i just woke up 😭😭"

[writingwithciara]

married in vegas -quinn hughes-

summary: on a trip to vegas one summer, y/n and quinn are forced to share a room. after a night at the casino, the two of them wake up with rings and matching tattoos, leaving them to question what their relationship really means

word count: 6.9k

pairing: quinn hughes x reader

notes & warnings: lowercase intentional. kinda based off ‘stupid in love’ by MAX. wanted to write a little frenemies-to-lovers fic & was pleasantly surprised with the result. hope you guys like it. there will be a part 2 😊 w: language, alcohol consumption, mentions of sex but no smut

masterlist

“why are you two idiots looking at me like that?” y/n set her suitcase down outside the door and glanced between her best friend and his brother. “jack, please tell me why you guys keep exchanging that look.”

“promise you won’t kill me. or luke.”

“fine. just get on with it.”

“you’re gonna be sharing the room with quinn for the week.”

“okay now you’re just joking. please tell me you’re joking.” she let out a soft chuckle but when she noticed how their looks stayed serious, she stopped. “no. this can’t be happening.”

“i’m sorry but we used a random name picker to determine the room sharing situation.”

“that’s a ridiculous way to choose a roommate. i call a do over.”

“there’s no point in trying, y/n. i already tried to get them to change their minds but those two idiots are dead set on making us miserable all week.” quinn leaned against the doorframe and looked at the three people before him. “oh, want to know the most interesting part?” his voice was laced with sarcasm but y/n easily caught on.

“oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” she pushed past him and stopped in her tracks when she saw the room. “one damn bed? come on, jack. what did i ever do to you guys?”

“oh relax. you act like sharing a room with me is the end of the world.”

“10 minutes ago, the idea was tolerable at best. but now, it’s torturous.”

“ouch.” quinn feigned heartbreak and chuckled. “if i cared, that probably would’ve hurt. but seeing as how i don’t care, i’m gonna move on with my life. feel free to sleep on the chair if you don’t want to share with me.”

“you’re insufferable.” y/n rolled her eyes and went to grab her bag.

“no. allow me.” jack was quick to grab it for her and discard it in the room. “i promise to make this whole thing up to you when we get home.”

“i’ll hold you to that.” y/n sighed and waited for quinn to claim the bed. when he took a little longer in the hallway with his brothers, y/n took the opportunity to lay down. just as she was about to close her eyes, the door opened and quinn walked in. he noticed her laying on the bed and got down to where he could be at eye level with the near-sleeping girl.

“uh, what do you think you’re doing?”

“shhh. trying to nap.” she reached her finger out and dragged it down his face. quinn swatted her hand away in response.

“fine. but move over. i want to sleep too. need the energy for dinner tonight.”

“insufferable i say.” y/n mumbled and scooted to the edge of the bed. quinn walked around it and climbed in.

this was going to be a long week.

🏒❤️🏒❤️🏒❤️🏒

dinner should’ve been easier but for y/n, it was more uncomfortable than the nap she attempted to take a few hours earlier.

“what do you think he’s even doing over there? the waitress is way out of his league.” quinn watched as jack chatted with the waitress up at the hostess podium.

“first of all, if anything, jack is out of her league. he’s too good for anyone. and second, why do you care what he’s doing? at least he’s having fun.” y/n shoved her fork into her desert and nibbled at it.

“i’m starting to think you have a little crush on jack.” quinn smirked, knowing that that’s exactly what was going on.

“what? i do not.” y/n shook her head and went to kick him under the table.

“ouch.” luke winced and rubbed his shin.

“oops. sorry luke. i was aiming for the idiot beside you.” she shot quinn a look and he quickly returned it. “you never told me why you cared so much that he was flirting with the waitress.”

“it doesn’t matter and even if it did, you don’t need to know. it’s none of your business.” quinn’s voice raised a little, causing y/n to shrink back in her seat a bit.

“y-you’re right. it was a stupid question.” she returned her attention to her nearly empty plate.

even though she and quinn weren’t exactly friends, she had never been on the receiving end of one of his rare angry outbursts. she hated to admit it but it stung a little bit.

“do you guys mind if i head back up to the room? i’m exhausted.”

“yeah sure. no problem.” luke looked at his friend and smiled sympathetically. he could tell what quinn said had effected her.

“i’ll be up later.” quinn didn’t even bother to look up as y/n stood up and walked out. and when jack returned to the table, luke told him what happened.

quinn felt bad when he heard luke recall the events he was a part of not even 5 minutes ago. he never intended to hurt y/n.

🏒❤️🏒❤️🏒❤️🏒

the next 3 days, y/n avoided quinn as much as she could. it was difficult when they shared a room and they were both there to spend time with luke and jack.

during group outings, y/n would excuse herself and she would never return, instilling panic in the three brothers. but at night, when quinn would get back to their shared room, he would catch sight of how peaceful the girl looked when she slept.

the first few nights, quinn didn’t want to disturb her so he ended up on the chair in the corner. but on the 4th night, quinn was unable to sleep.

y/n had been tossing and turning for almost an hour before her body sat upright and she started bawling. something bothered her and she searched the room for another presence. her eyes landed on quinn as he rushed over to her.

“hey. what’s wrong?”

“i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to wake you. p-please go back to sleep, quinn.”

“not until you tell me what you were just dreaming of.” he carefully reached up to wipe her tears off her cheeks, silently urging her to tell him what was on her mind.

30 minutes later and every significant detail of her nightmare had been explained. she feared that jack was growing tired of her friendship and wanted to end it with her.

and even though it was just a dream, quinn felt the urge to make sure his brother would never leave her. he wanted to use any means necessary to make sure if it.

but he knew jack would never do that. he loved y/n tremendously.

just as quinn stood back up and headed for the chair again, y/n stopped him.

“hey, thanks again for listening to my nonsense.”

“it’s not a problem. and it wasn’t nonsense. it was a legitimate fear of yours and i’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share it with me.”

“believe it or not, i’m always comfortable with you, quinn.”

“that’s not what you were saying the first day we got here.” he chuckled.

“that version of me is the old y/n. i’ve matured since then.”

“maybe just a little.” he sat on the chair and tried to get comfortable again. “good night, y/n.”

“quinn, would you mind coming over here to share the bed?” y/n had her back to him so she couldn’t see his eyes widen at the question & he couldn’t see the way her face scrunched up when the words flew out of her mouth. she opened her mouth to take it back but quinn smiled.

“of course i wouldn’t mind sharing tonight.”

“yay.” she laid on her back and stared at the ceiling. her fingers drummed lightly on her stomach and quinn glanced over at her.

“how are you doing now?”

“better. thanks again. jacks usually the person i run to when i have a nightmare, even if he’s involved. but this one would’ve been harder to explain without telling him how i feel.”

“so, you do have feelings for him?” quinn raised an eyebrow and glanced over at her.

“of course i do!” y/n rubbed her face slowly. “i’d be an idiot not to. god, he’s perfect.”

something about the way she talked about jack, stirred something in quinn that he did not recognize.

“yeah. i suppose he is. everyone else thinks so. it was only a matter of time before you thought so too.”

“you sound a little bitter about it, quinny.” y/n glanced over at him, only to find him already looking at her.

“i’m not bitter, per say. but maybe just once, i would liked to be picked over jack or luke.”

“hey,” y/n turned on her side to get a better look at the oldest hughes. “the day is gonna come when you meet someone who prefers you over your brothers. and she’s going to love you so much that what’s happening now won’t even matter to you. because she’s going to be the only thing you think about. she’s going to consume your every thought and soon enough, you’ll have what you’ve always wanted. someone who picks you first every time.”

“you really think so?”

“yes of course. you’re pretty special, quinn.” y/n offered him a kind smile, which he returned. “i can’t believe i’m being nice right now.”

“yeah i know. it’s weird.” quinn shook his head and chuckled. “but thank you.”

“you’re welcome.” she smiled again and instead of returning to her position on her back, she stayed facing him. “thank you as well.”

“for what?”

“being here. you know, letting me talk to you about my nightmare. even if it was stupid.” she fiddled with her fingers and quinn reached out to stop it.

“it was not stupid. i told you like 20 minutes ago that it was alright.”

“oh. did you?” she glanced down at where quinn’s hands entrapped her own. “i’m sorry for repeating myself then. sometimes the anxiety is bad.”

“hey, you never have to apologize to me. okay?”

“okay.” she looked at him and smiled. suddenly, the atmosphere was different. almost like the both of them were aware of the tension in the room.

quinn opened his mouth to say something but y/n yawned.

“i’m tired, but i don’t want this rare moment to be over.”

“get some sleep. i’m not leaving. i’ll be here when you wake up, alright?” he cautiously reached up to move a piece of her hair out of her face.

“okay. good night quinn.” she closed her eyes and mere seconds later, her breathing evened out and light snores came from her. quinn let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and fell asleep too.

the whole night, he never let go of her hands.

🏒❤️🏒❤️🏒❤️🏒

when y/n woke up the next morning and noticed the grip quinn had on her hands, she couldn’t help but smile.

sure she had feelings for jack but there was no denying how attractive quinn was, not only on the outside, but the inside as well.

y/n spent the next 5 minutes just admiring his face before he started to stir. she closed her eyes as if to pretend she hadn’t been looking at him, but quinn caught on.

part of him felt her eyes on him & he couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped his lips. when she opened her eyes again, quinn smiled.

“good morning.”

“good morning, quinn.”

“how did you sleep?”

“if i’m being honest, better last night than the entire week so far.”

“really?”

“yeah. it’s almost like there was a calming presence nearby that helped me sleep better.”

“yeah i know what you mean.” he chuckled and reluctantly let go of her hands. his own hands felt colder as he let her stretch her body out.

“do the boys have anything planned today?”

“i think the only thing we were gonna do was go to the casino later tonight.”

“oh that sounds fun.” she smiled and looked over at quinn. “and what time was that supposed to take place tonight?”

“not until after dark i believe.”

“good. because i really don’t want to get out of bed right now.”

“yeah. me either.” he closed his eyes and for the first time all week, he was happy to be this close to y/n.

the two of them enjoyed their five minutes of peace, happily enjoying the moment.

however, the moment was interrupted when jack knocked on the door. quinn hopped off the bed and answered it.

“good morning. glad to see you two haven’t killed each other yet.” he chuckled and looked behind quinn as y/n approached the door.

“might have to kill you for ruining my beauty sleep, asshole.”

“oh come on. you don’t need it anyway.” jack smiled, causing y/n to turn her head so he couldn’t notice the way her cheeks brightened.

quinn caught it though and he felt his heart drop. he had hoped their moment, however short it might’ve been, would’ve changed how she felt about jack.

but he was just a fool. she was too good for him. too good for jack too. but he would never admit it.

“anyway, you guys up for getting some breakfast?”

“i could eat.” y/n quickly turned her attention to quinn. “how about you, quinny?”

“food sounds delicious.” he painted on a smile as his younger brothers eyes never left y/n.

“perfect. get dressed and meet us down in the lobby in 30 minutes?”

“see you then.” y/n shut the door and headed over to her bag.

“so i noticed something just now.”

“and what could that be?” y/n walked into the bathroom with her clothes. she shut the door and turned on the shower.

“jack might be into you.”

the bathroom door flew open and y/n eyed quinn suspiciously. “you’re lying.”

“his attention never left you. he had him captivated from the moment you appeared behind me. it was like i wasn’t even there.”

“nonsense, quinn.” she walked over to him. “jack doesn’t like me.”

“say what you want, but i could tell.” he watched as y/n grabbed her hairbrush and returned to the bathroom.

after her shower, quinn got in and did what he had to do. when he walked out, y/n was attempting to put her necklace on.

her eyes met quinn’s through the mirror. she didn’t have to say anything to him. he walked up and clasped the necklace together behind her neck and smiled.

“thank you. i was about to lose my mind there.”

“now, don’t do that.” he chuckled and unplugged his phone. “let’s go.”

the two of them walked out to meet the boys in the lobby.

breakfast should be interesting.

🏒❤️🏒❤️🏒❤️🏒

although luke wasn’t old enough to actually gamble in the casino, they still allowed him to sit back and watch as everyone else lost money. he stuck with quinn while jack was with y/n.

quinn watched his brother and y/n exchange looks while they sat at the blackjack table. their laughs echoed in quinn’s ears and he turned his attention back to his youngest brother.

“quinn, can i ask you something?”

“sure, luke. what’s up?”

“you and y/n? has that happened yet or are you still hiding your feelings from her?”

“i have no idea what you’re talking about.” quinn sipped his drink and looked around.

“i’m young, not stupid.” luke rolled his eyes. “you’ve been getting increasingly worried about her all week and you can barely take your eyes off of her. you’re also holding your drink so tight that your knuckles are turning white. is everything okay?”

“yeah. just think she could do better than jack. she’s too good for him.”

“are you hoping she realizes she’s in love with you, and not jack? because i honestly don’t think she has the same feelings for jack that you think she does.”

“she told me last night how she felt about jack. i can tell when she’s lying and she was definitely telling the truth. she thinks he’s perfect.”

“but doesn’t everybody? you know it doesn’t necessarily mean she has feelings for him just because she shares the same opinion as everyone else in the world.” luke eyed his brother. “and i’m sure if you told her how you felt, you’d have a decent chance.”

“whatever, luke.” quinn waves his brother away and watched as he joined jack at the blackjack table.

y/n excused herself from the brothers and made her way to where quinn was sitting at another table.

“so, luke tells me you’ve been losing a bit of money over here.”

“don’t believe a thing he says.” quinn finished his drink and chuckled. “kid is a liar.”

“are you sure about that? because your chip pile is looking pretty low there, quinn.”

“it’s just a small hiccup in the road. i’ll figure it out.” he placed a chip on the the number 22, her favorite number, and waited.

“whatever you say. i’m gonna go try my luck at the slots or something.” y/n patted his shoulder and went to walk away but quinn stopped her.

“wait hold on.” he pointed to the table, more specifically at the roulette wheel where the ball had stopped on the 22 spot. “i want to test something. pick a number.”

“um, 19.” y/n watched as quinn placed half his chips on the number 19. “what are you doing? are you insane?”

“just trust me on this.” he held her wrist gently and together they watched the ball spin around the wheel and when it stopped, y/n’s eyes widened. the ball had landed in the 19 spot. quinn looked up at her. “want to try again?”

“let’s go with 6.” she slid some chips over and they waited. again, the ball landed where they needed it to and the chips multiplied.

“i’m starting to believe you’re a lucky charm.”

“i’m sure that’s all you, quinn.” she rested her hand on his shoulder gently. despite not believing she was a lucky charm, she stuck around quinn for the rest of the night. he kept winning with every number she picked, even if she picked the same number twice in a row. that was highly unlikely but it happened.

after roulette, they went around the place to every game and continued winning each time.

by the time jack and luke informed them they were heading to bed, quinn had nearly quadrupled what he started with. although they wanted to stay and be happy for their brother, sleep crept in on both of them. they said their good nights and went up to their room.

but the night was far from over for y/n and quinn.

🏒❤️🏒❤️🏒❤️🏒

y/n didn’t remember getting back to the room last night but when she woke up, she felt something on her finger and there was a sharp pain on her left shoulder. she looked at her hand and her eyes widened.

her gaze went down to a sleeping quinn and she looked at his finger too, just for good measure. he had a ring on his finger too.

“quinn, wake up!”

“what do you want?”

“look at your ring finger.” y/n sighed. quinn glanced at his right hand and rolled his eyes.

“there’s nothing there.”

“the other finger, idiot.”

quinn pulled his hand into his lines of sight and gasped. “do you-“

“yup. bright and shiny.”

“oh please tell me we didn’t get married last night.” he rubbed his eyes roughly, as if trying to clear the image from his mind. “how much did we drink last night?”

“i don’t remember.” y/n glanced down and noticed how little clothing she had on. “quinn, i have a question.”

“what now?”

“do you by any chance have any clothes on?”

“um,” he lifted the comforter and set it back down. “no i do not.”

“crap.” y/n quickly grabbed her clothes and threw them on. she was about to pull the shirt over her head when quinn stopped her.

“when did you get that?”

“get what?”

“the tattoo.”he pointed to her left shoulder. “it’s cute.”

“i don’t know.” she sighed again and looked at quinn. “you got one too. it’s a moon.”

“do you suppose we got so drunk last night that we got matching tattoos and then got married?”

“and then came back and...you know? yeah i think that’s exactly what happened. but who let us drink that much and why can’t we remember anything?”

“i don’t know. maybe luke and jack know more than we do.”

“highly unlikely, seeing as how they went to bed way before us.”

“good point.” quinn scratched his beard and looked at his hand. “i’m really sorry.”

“for what?”

“i feel like this is all my fault.”

“what do you mean?”

“i made you stay with me all night because my luck turned around when you joined me at the roulette table. if i hadn’t done that, we wouldn’t have tattoos and we wouldn’t be married.”

“while that may be true, think about it. would you rather be married to your brothers best friend or a complete stranger? because that could’ve happened too.”

“you. definitely you.” he chuckled and looked at her. she was already staring at him. “what?”

“you should see your back.” y/n shook her head. “what the fuck happened last night?”

🏒❤️🏒❤️🏒❤️🏒

quinn and y/n spent the rest of the afternoon avoiding the boys and trying to find out what occurred last night.

they went to the casino and decided to go to the dealer at the blackjack table, as it was the last place they remember being.

he informed them that after they were served a few drinks, quinn had the bright idea to go get some more. he apparently returned with a tray full of shots, unaware just how strong they were.

“you guys downed the shots no problem then left. sorry i couldn’t be more helpful.”

they walked away slowly and when they were outside the building, they looked down the street.

“which place do you think we got hitched?”

“i don’t know. there’s so many chapels here.” quinn sighed. he was clearly frustrated that he didn’t have the whole story. “it’s not like we can go around asking every chapel.”

“we could but that would be too time consuming.” y/n thought for a moment. “wait. i remember running into some korean elvis impersonator. we could ask about that. someone’s gotta know where he is.”

“worth a shot.” quinn shrugged and followed his wife down the street.

after hours of searching, they were about to give up hope.

“why are we trying to find out the story behind our wedding instead of getting it annulled?”

“that’s a good point.” quinn looked at her. “do you not like being married to me or something though?”

“quinn, we’re 24 years old and we got hitched. we’re not dating and it wasn’t planned. besides, when i told your mom i would marry one of her sons, i promised she could be there. she’d be crushed to know i did it without her. i also didn’t expect to marry you. always thought it would be jack.”

“we have one more day in vegas before we head our separate ways. why don’t we take the rest of tonight to let it sink in and if we feel an annulment is needed in the morning, we can do that.”

“i still can’t believe we got married.”

“don’t forget the tattoos.”

“or the consummation of our marriage.” y/n didn’t feel disgusted about hooking up with quinn. part of her felt like they were meant to end up together, no matter how much she liked jack.

y/n thought dinner that night would be a little difficult.

while they were getting ready, y/n’s ring got stuck. quinn tried to get it off but it wouldn’t budge. he had originally taken his off but when they determined y/n would have to keep hers on, he slid his back onto his finger. if the boys asked questions, they would give them answers.

luckily, neither of them noticed. well if they did, neither of them said anything about it.

back in the hotel room later that night, while y/n and quinn were getting ready for bed, there was a knock on the door. quinn got up to answer it while y/n peaked her head out of the bathroom.

“good evening, mr and mrs hughes. we have some complimentary champagne for the newlyweds.” the man in the hallway pushed a cart into the room and stared at them. “we also have this special dessert for you two and if you would like, we could upgrade you to the honeymoon suite. it’s much larger.”

“thank you, but-“ quinn started but he was quickly interrupted.

“thanks for the champagne and dessert. we will let you know about the room upgrade.” y/n ushered the man out and when she was sure he was gone, she let out a sigh of relief. “okay how many people knew we got married?”

“i have no idea. but why didn’t you tell him we aren’t married?”

“free dessert, duh. oh and champagne.” she picked up the bottle and grabbed two glasses before making her way to the bed. “do you want some?”

“yeah sure.”

the two of them sat cross-legged on the bed, facing each other as y/n poured them each a glass. she handed one to quinn and smiled.

“to....i don’t know what to toast about.”

“let’s toast to us.” quinn suggested. “after all, our marriage is the reason we got this in the first place.”

“okay great idea. to us.” y/n clinked her glass with quinn’s and downed the first glass quickly. “that was delicious.”

“i agree.” quinn poured the next two glasses and about 4 more after that. “being married is fun. why didn’t i think of this sooner?”

“maybe because we’re idiots and it’s not actually real.”

“but it could be, right?”

“you’re drunk. i think it’s time for bed, quinny.” y/n grabbed his empty glass and set them both on the nightstand before getting off the bed. quinn reaches out to grab her hand before she got too far.

“can we share the bed tonight?”

“i guess.” y/n looked at him and climbed under the covers with quinn.

“maybe one day, i’ll find someone like you. someone who’s too good for the world and way out of my league. hopefully she’ll love me because i feel like i deserve it, you know. maybe someday, i can find someone who loves me the way you love jack.”

“i do not love jack. it’s just a small thing. a crush at best.” y/n looked at quinn and sighed heavily. “but i understand what you mean. hopefully i’ll also find someone who loves me the way i deserve.”

“oh you for sure will.” quinn moves hair out of y/n’s face and let his fingers gently graze her cheek before bringing his hand back to rest under his head. “jack is an idiot, you know.”

“i’m sure you’re right, but why?”

“he just is.”

“come on, quinny. humor me.”

“jacks an idiot because he could’ve had you this entire time but instead, he fumbled his chance. and for what? a snooty blonde who’s only nice when she wants something? a bitch who thinks she’s better than everyone? a girl who thinks she’s the most beautiful person on the earth? no. he should’ve opened his eyes so he could see that the most beautiful human being was always right in front of him. and not just on the outside, but the inside too. you’re the only girl in jack’s life that cares not just about him, but his family and friends too. you put everyone else’s happiness before your own and every day that i know you, it just makes me love you. so much.”

“quinn, i don’t-“

“i know i’m a little drunk but i really wish this marriage was real.”

and before y/n could respond to the confession, quinn was fast asleep.

🏒❤️🏒❤️🏒❤️🏒

y/n couldn’t sleep. she tried and was almost there but somewhere around 1:30, quinn wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her into his chest, whispering that he’d protect her, into her ear.

6:30 rolled around and she slowly got out of bed. she went into the bathroom to get a glass of water and some advil for quinn before doing the same for herself.

she took a seat in the chair and looked at quinn as he slept.

was his confession last night only because he was drunk? or did he mean it?

when quinn started to stir, he opened his eyes and noticed the water. he let out a chuckle and smiled.

“she really is perfect.” he sat up and that’s when he noticed y/n in the chair. “oh. i didn't see you there. good morning.”

“good morning, quinn. how are you feeling?”

“i’m actually feeling great. um, how are you?” he took the advil and sipped his water.

"i'm good." she fiddled with her fingers in her lap. quinn noticed she was nervous about something so he got up and knelt down to her level.

"hey, what's wrong? you know you can talk to me."

"do you remember anything from last night?"

"i remember a lot of champagne. that's about it. why?"

"you kind of told me you loved me and that you wished the marriage was real. and right before i could say anything, you fell asleep."

"oh. so that wasn't a dream then?" he chuckled awkwardly.

"nope." she shook her head and avoided eye contact with quinn.

"well, in my defense, i was drunk. sometimes i just say things."

"yeah, right." y/n smiled and finally made eye contact with him. "glad we could get that cleared up."

"yeah me too." quinn smiled. "so i take it you want to go get this marriage thing erased, right?"

"yeah. totally." y/n didn't want the marriage to end and as she looked at quinn, she was more sure than ever that jack was the wrong brother. it's always been quinn.

"let's go then."

y/n and quinn went to walk out the door and they bumped into jack & luke on the way out.

"hey. you guys want to go get breakfast?" luke asked.

"sure. but then after that, we have to go our marriage annulled."

"marriage? when did that happen?"

"i knew you two would get together." luke smiled as he and jack followed their brother.

"it was a mistake. we were drunk and obviously it was stupid." y/n turned to look at the boys, as if trying to gauge a reaction from jack. he avoided her gaze as he walked. quinn did the same thing. "right quinn?"

"yeah, right." he nodded and continued to walk. y/n stayed back with luke and sighed.

"i'm an idiot, luke."

"i'm sure you're right, but why?"

"two days ago, i was so sure i liked jack. but ever since finding out i married quinn, it feels right. but i'm an idiot because he doesn't want to be married. that's why we're getting it erased.

"but i finally had a sister." luke pouted. "look, you and jack could've worked if he wasn't a bigger idiot than you are"

"hey!"

"sorry. but it's true. and then there's you & quinn."

"there is no me and quinn."

"yes there is. and this brings me back to the point of you being an idiot. how can neither of you see that you have feelings for each other and that neither of you want the marriage to end?"

"because we were drunk, luke. it was a-"

"you keep saying it was a mistake but it's not. you two were made for each other. why do you think i rigged the room sharing situation? i knew that if you guys had some moments alone, you could get something from the whole thing. and look at that. you got married. now if you had ended up sharing a room with me, you wouldn't be on your way to an annulment. what a story you have here."

"hold on. did you jsut say you rigged the room thing?"

"not important. what is important now is that you tell quinn how you feel."

"come on you guys. i'm starving." jack called from the other end of the hallway. y/n rolled her eyes and the 4 of them walked into the restaurant.

all throughout breakfast, y/n avoided the looks she was receiving from luke and quinn. instead she focused on the conversation with jack. she told him the details surrounding how she got married to quinn, what little information she had.

when the last bite was swallowed and the plates were taken away, y/n and quinn stood up.

"alright. this shouldn't take long. we'll meet you guys back here in about an hour. sound good?"

"yeah. hope it goes smoothly." jack and luke waved goodbye and the 4 of them went their separate ways.

🏒❤🏒❤🏒❤🏒

while y/n and quinn waited for their names to be called into the office, quinn looked around the room and y/n played with the string of her hoodie.

"what are you thinking about?" quinn asked when he noticed she was fidgeting.

"just life and all the decisions i've made to get me where i am today."

"lots of mistakes?"

"yeah. for sure." y/n sighed. "wanna know my biggest mistake?"

"was it this marriage?"

"what? no, of course not." y/n looked at him. "why? do you think it was a mistake?"

"getting off topic. what was your biggest mistake?"

"danny marcel."

"oh no. i forgot about him. he was terrible. always wanted to punch his face in whenever he was around. he always said the rudest things to you. how did you deal with it for so long?"

"you don't want to know." she shook her head, causing quinn to chuckle. "why did you want to punch him in the face?"

"he wasn't a nice person and maybe because i cared about you."

"you did?"

"of course i did. i mean, i still care about you. and i know i'm not the best at showing it but-"

"y/n & quinn?" the receptionist moved from behind the desk and guided them into another room. a kind looking older man sat at the desk. he offered them a smile when they entered.

"it's nice to meet you both & i hope i can get you what you came here for."

"we would appreciate that, sir. thank you."

"great. now before we go through with this, i want to make sure that this is something you'll both want. and seeing as how mr hughes has all the assets, i gotta know that you guys have already discussed that."

"we haven't yet, sir. but i don't want anything." y/n looked at quinn.

"excellent." he looked down at the papers in front of him and smiled. "so are you both sure this is what you want?"

"yes sir." they said at the same time wile sharing a look. the man slid a pen and the papers across his desk.

"great. now i'm just gonna need you to both sign this line here." he tapped the page with the pen and handed it to y/n. just as she was about to sign it, quinn put his hand over hers.

"wait." he removed his hand before looking at y/n. "i'm not sure i want this to be over."

"but i thought-"

"i thought so too. but after the champagne last night, and my stupid confession, i thought more about it."

"okay and?"

"and i've come to the conclusion that marrying you, whether i was drunk or sober, was the best decision i have ever made. you are the most perfect person i know and maybe i'm too late to admit this and maybe you want to get this annulled. and if that's what you really truly want, i will sign those papers to make you happy. but i couldn't let you sign without telling you how i felt." quinn sighed.

"so, mrs hughes. what do you want to do?" the man at the desk looked at her as she contemplated for a moment. she looked at quinn and smiled.

"i don't want to sign the papers." she turned to the man. "we are so sorry for wasting your time."

"not a problem. i'm just glad you two figured this out before you followed through with it. good luck on a long & happy marriage."

"thank you." quinn walked out of the office first. y/n followed slowly behind him but stopped.

"quinn, can i ask you something?"

"of course." he stopped and turned to face her.

"never mind. let's talk when we get back to our room." y/n kept walking and eventually made it back to the room. quinn waited patiently for y/n to say something. when she didn't say anything, he sat on the bed and watched her pace back and forth.

"y/n, whats up? what did you want to say to me earlier?" he sighed. "please say something. the silence is worrying me."

"last night when you told me you loved me, did you actually mean it?" she stopped abruptly and turned to face him. under his gaze, she suddenly felt nervous.

and of course, quinn being who he was, picked up on the sudden shift in behavior and was quick to walk to her. he held her hands with one of his own while the other reached under her chin. he tilted her head so she was looking right at him.

"yes i meant it. every last word that came out of my mouth last night was nothing but honesty. i may have been drunk but for the last 2 years, thinking of you became like a second nature. never have i second guessed how i felt about you. and i can assure you that it's never going to change. so if you don't feel the same way, that's okay. i just need to know."

y/n blinked quickly before throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him deeply. he stumbled back a little bit as their lips collided but he easily steadied them.

quinn's hands went from her chin to her waist, pulling her impossibly closer as the kiss grew more intense with each passing second.

"so, i take it you love me too?"

"of course, you idiot." y/n smiled and caressed his cheek. "you are so perfect in my eyes and i wish i would've noticed it sooner. but no. instead, i was so focused on jack. that was a stupid decision on my part."

"yes it was." quinn chuckled and held y/n closer. "you are so beautiful and you could have anyone you wanted. why do you love me?"

"are you seriously asking me that now?" y/n smiled. "you are the sweetest person i know. you have so much talent and you never give yourself the credit you deserve. you're funny, smart and so incredibly sexy, it blows my mind. you're perfect in every way to me and i couldn't picture myself loving anybody else."

"you think i'm sexy, huh?" quinn raised his eyebrow and smirked. y/n slapped his chest playfully and smiled.

"no. i think you're like, really ugly." y/n rolled her eyes. "you're lucky i love you."

"i love you too. and since we're married, you're stuck with me for life."

"i suppose so." y/n smiled and reached for her phone. "i gotta call your mom."

"why?"

"she needs to know we got married. and maybe she'll help us throw a party to celebrate. we can invite your family and have it be like a real wedding reception."

"you're right. if anyone deserves to know, it's definitely mom."

"so then it's settled?"

"i guess it is." quinn chuckled. "we can tell her when we get home tomorrow."

"sounds like a plan." y/n set her phone down and looked at quinn. "how has nobody seen the perfection in you before? don't get me wrong. i'm glad they didn't because we wouldn't be here if they had. but, how?"

"i don't know. but i was wondering the same thing about you just now. i mean, you dated some losers but i thought at least one of them would've realized how amazing you are."

"they were all blind and stupid, quinn. even your ex-girlfriends. of course they couldn't see how perfect we are."

"you got that right." quinn placed a gently kiss to the tip of her nose and smiled. "so, how does it feel to be mrs hughes?"

"it feels amazing. always dreamed of marrying into the family one day. just always pictured it being jack."

"i know. but aren't you glad you got the better hughes brother?"

"but i didn't marry luke." y/n replied, causing quinn to gasp. she smirked and began to giggle as quinn kissed all over her face. "quinn, you're crazy."

"crazy for you."

"and cheesy. can't forget cheesy." she playfully rolled her eyes as the two of them collapsed on the bed. "you are the better brother. and for so many reasons. i love you, quinn."

"i love you too, y/n." he kissed her and it felt like time had stopped. for them, it felt as if they were the only 2 left in the world. but neither of them could complain.

they were in love and so thankful they were finally able to admit it.

[melonmaw]

Teen Dad Logan AU [REPOST]

In case ya'll can't tell, I love de-aging logan. I think it's really interesting to play with a more emotional/ less bogged down Logan, and it's even more fun to throw him at the people he typically helps mentor/raise. Anyways.

Teen Dad Logan :)

Or, I suppose more accurately, Young Dad Logan. And by adjacency, Uncle Dad Victor.

This turned out to be one of my largest pieces of writing ever  Bee-Tee-Dubs so its going to be under this to not Kill You All:

So in this AU they meet when they're 10 and 11, Jimmy just out of foster care after they found out he's a mutant, and Vic a few weeks after murdering his Father. 

At first, it's honestly Jimmy showing Victor a lot of things. Simple things, like how to forage and how to scent, but it's all...quiet. Jimmy already carries a sense of shame for his ferocity that Vic never enjoys. So he draws the kid into fights, helps him laugh until his face is red with laughter instead of shame. He learns about him, and in turn Jimmy learns about him. Happy enough kids until things turned south. One was locked up and the other ran away. They escaped and found each other. It was meant to be.

Victor gives him his new name. Jimmy hasn't felt like His in a long time and the first time Vic calls him Logan, he beams.

Vic still calls him Jimmy when he's scared, but it's their little secret.

Anyways, they stay rough and tumble until The developers in the Weapon X project find them, aged 14 and 15 respectively. It's Victor's idea that they stay. Logan, for all his desires to settle down, feels chafed by the military, but Vic sees through that, see's what they could be, in the future. See's him and his Runt living free after serving, what's a few years as lab rats if they get all their adult life? What's being looked at like a monster when he's allowed to be a monster and still get schooling? Logan doesn't think any of these things, but when Vic nods, he does too.

They're only allowed to be together for the first three months, and then their forced apart, to 'reduce codependency'. They last two years without each other, and when they're reunited...things are different.

Creed has grown into his role, with each murder proving that his dad wasn't special, he's always been meant for this, how dare Anyone Try to stop him. He's become an Animal. Sabretooth.

And Wolverine....is Wolverine now. But it doesn't take long before Vic realizes something is wrong. Wolverine glances at him, but there's no glint of recognition in his eyes. As Creed starts to question him, he thinks it's a clone. So he Kills It. 

Its only the third time Logan revives and puts his claws through Creed's chest that Creed realizes it's his runt. Still, being forgotten stings, being ignored stings worse, and there's a lot more blood shed before the guards are able to separate the two.

Safe to say they butt heads a lot more. Vic goads him often, word for word the way he used to, and like a house of cards, Wolverine always folds. The only times he seems to come back to himself for a moment, are the moments after Creed's killed him, and he's just waking up. He'll get a look on his face, one Vic recognizes. He's seen it a hundred of times before, even if the runt always tried to hide it:

Fear. Exhaustion.

They never talk. Victor pets his hair as Logan's throat is rapidly sewing itself back together, or Logan rumbling under Vic's body as his puncture wounds close. In those moments, Logan Remembers.

...

It all starts to fall apart when one Logan Howlett, at the fresh age of 18, is chosen to become Weapon X.

Creed sees red. This was HIS goal, His to earn, that stupid brat doesn't even want to be here, Logan doesn't even remember why he's-

He doesn't even remember why he came here in the first place.

But Sabretooth is smart. He figures out when, and where, they're going to do the operation. And obviously, he bursts in.

As he does, he overhears a Commander noting that they should 'wipe wolverines mind clean one last time, to make sure he's only obedient to them. 

And that is First Strike.

Victor lashes out, taking down a doctor and a guard before anyone can blink. But his noise distracts the surgeons and other doctors carefully monitoring The Wolverine's Adamantium intake, and one of them nudges their controls in their scramble to get away, pushing significantly more onto his skeleton than originally planned.

Victor stops when he hears screaming.

Logan hears....nothing. He knows the procedure is going to begin, but he doesn't know when. When the burning starts, he goes to that little place in his head he pretends he doesn't have. He sees flashes of Creed's face, snarling and smiling, and he feels...safe. He sees white, and red hair and...hears yelling. His eyes open, and immediately close as salt water rushes into them. He breathes unsteadily through his

The water stops draining but the burning doesn't stop. Worse, his head feels like it's being torn apart, a feeling he remembers but can't name. And suddenly, nothing matters because,

Sabretooth is calling him Jimmy and why why WHY DOES EVERYTHING HURT OW OW OW OW OW OW Victor help please please plEASE PLEASE VICTOR VIC-

...

Safe to say the adamantium causes even more psychological damage to them.

There is one single benefit: The Memory Adjustment failed. In fact, it failed so bad that Creed, for three whole days, get's Logan to himself.

They don't do much. Logan wakes up and launches himself at Vic, legs collapsing as his ligaments struggle to accustom themselves to the weight of his new bones. He's in constant pain, mostly just looking at Vic with big, sad brown eyes until he lies back down with him on the shitty Hospital ordered bed. It creaks under them, but thankfully never gives.

When they do talk, they don't talk about the memories. About Wolverine gutting Sabretooth to prove a point, about Sabretooth biting out his spinal chord, about Wolverine ripping out his teeth in claws. None of it matters. They know it can't last. Creed didn't plan, and Logan is too weak to think, not that he does much of that in the first place.

After those days of clarity post operation, Logan is wiped clean. And for the next year, it's back to normal. For Wolverine at least.

But of course, Logan has to beat him to the punch. Literally.

Around a month after the one year anniversary of his Surgery, Wolverine comes Bursting through the training rooms, with twenty guards hot on his trail. Sabretooth, a Predator, Obviously follows. Logan runs and runs and runs, and eventually rips the door of a particular room, to reveal...

an eerily large room filled with tubes. There's wires and things being suspended in liquid, and at first, Victor can't comprehend what he's looking at. By the time he reads 'X-02', Doner Wolverine, Logan's already broken three of the tubes with his claws, uncaring of the thick glass cutting him open in retribution for being shattered.

people go flying, and as they hit equipment the room itself begins to collapse, separating Sabretooth from Wolverine. Wolverine continues through the rooms, ensuring that there's nothing deeper inside that can help them make more of him. He has enough nightmares. Sabretooth stays back to help finish the job. All those tubes don't destroy themselves, you know?

He finds a room full of his samples, and a woman in a chair. A woman with a bullet in her neck instead of her head. Poor thing had probably gotten caught in between him and the guards. But why was she just sitting-

The woman has a baby in her arms, tubes still attached. He growls for a moment, moving to finishes her off, but freezes when she and she's groans.

"Laura...Laura..."

Logan looks at her little beady eyes, mousy brown hair, and knows...she's his. 

Before he's even thought about it she's cradled in his arms, evidently all wrong because she starts to wail and Vic skids in, shoulder denting the doorframe as he stops and stares at the scene in front of him.

The woman gives one final shudder, and her head lulls. Dead.

Still, there's no time to think. Victor hears thuds getting closer to the room, and as he looks to his right he realizes there's only one way out. The window. Oh well.

with a swear, he lifts Logan by the back of his jacket and gives him a shove, and his back goes strait through the paneling and out of the fourth story. Victor whoops, and follows him down. By the time he's already made his much more elegant landing, Logan is groaning and cussing him out as much as his winded lungs will let him, which is a surprising amount. Still, Vic scruffs him again and sets him on his feet, and nods in the direction of the woods.

"Lets go."

And they do.

They end up being surrounded by the X-Men  somewhere in Maine and are "Invited" to Stay at Xavier's school. Logan decides for them this time. A house, a promise that the government will be dealt with for them, and that he can get all of his memories back are very good motivators. And they an finish their education.

Victor actually...enjoys classes. He likes being smart, and it's easy. Logan does Charter school. He had lasted exactly a week in public education before deciding that if he had to deal with one more idiotic comment from one of those stupid fucking kids he was going to-

Well. His words were Not Child Friendly, so he made sure to cover his kid's ears. Besides, he's bonded with fellow teen Rogue and preteen Jubilee and Kitty (his daughters) like little sisters, but he never really settles unless he's with his Kid. His Laura.

He had to fight to keep her, a young unstable mutant like him was not the ideal parent, but for the first two months, she sobbed if anyone else held her, terrible screeches, and would reach for him to the point of falling out of people's arms. And, he had imprinted on her too. He swore he could tell when she was happy or uncomfortable before she could, would burp her or flip her back onto her back before she got fed up with tummy time.

Vic is Terrified of touching her but refuses to admit it. He carefully runs his finger down her pudgy little cheek, in awe of her soft skin against his knuckle,  when she moves suddenly, and she attempts to nuzzle her way into his palm. He, obligingly, opens his hand. When one of his claws scrapes her hair, he freezes, waiting for her to cry out. Instead, she burbles happily, honey brown eyes giving him long, slow blinks.

She likes his head scratches the best. 

Logan sometimes falls asleep with her on his stomach on the couch, leaving Victor to carry him AND his clingy baby back to bed, the crib next to them so Laura can still grab onto Logans finger. They sleep together now, in a nest of blankets and pillows, Logans hand always off the bed but still somehow still touching Vic, as if to make sure he's still there.

Their codependency is back full swing, and the only time they can be reliably separated is when Vic goes to school, because he goes with Scotty, and the Boy Scout would never let anything happen to another mutant, even if that mutant makes him want to shoot him with his laser-beam full power just to see what would happen.

Thankfully, because of Victor's presence, the Mind Adjustment does actually work, but it leaves Logan questioning his parallel memories for years. In the process they realize that...Victor's memories have been tampered with too.

But that is a story for another time.

[snifflesthemouse]

Is Harry Suing the UK to Hide Truth of Visa and Security?

Let’s talk about a few things going on in the Royal News World, Shall We?

This mouse isn’t completely sure of coming back entirely, but I figured a post here and there would be fine. Let’s get started.

My people come bearing some insights: Just about everyone in the aristocracy is openly aware that Harry isn’t truly cut off. As a matter of fact, some believe that Harry is only in the US because Charles sent him here and he is in fact on an A1 visa. Not so much as a banishment, but as a way to play both sides of the media circus and keep them all relevant. The whole world tunes in every time something pops up.

What brings more clickbait? Ask yourself the hard questions, though, don’t take the easy route. I’ve seen some things going around, and I see people truly never ask the hard questions.

I pray for the day when everyone wakes up and realizes that being elderly doesn’t make you harmless or innocent. This author was told the same things about Harry not being told about the diagnosis for the cancer until we all heard, BUT BEFORE. Interesting that ever got leaked out in the press, isn’t it? Why even tell us when he got told? Harry probably leaked it and did it to make Charles look favorable. Do you think Charles would let it get leaked? To what end? To look like the loving, yet firm father everyone demands him to be, the man that he cannot. The man he is not.

And now there are articles coming out about the contingency plans for Charles being sick. Harry is not in them, at all. Why would he need to be? Doesn’t that say a lot? The fact people have to be told Harry isn't included is silly. But you know what they say about assumptions.

Now, I was told by a friend that’s a doctor the whole story of the cancer being found during the prostate stuff made no sense. They would’ve seen other indicators beforehand. They ARE the greatest medical professionals on the planet, aren’t they? You mean a PET scan or blood test or anything like that, at all, wouldn’t hint at the other problems? This was a choreographed release of information.

It's being suggested that the press will be informed to release a cascade of tidbits over the coming weeks. Lady C said early spring, before summer. She also said it was Princess Anne who made the “racist baby” comments, and that was also a ruse. I’m pretty sure Lady C picked Team Charles back in the 80s, and she’s been working to gain grace and favor since. I think she wants to seem like she knows things to sell books or views. Go, girl, get that paper.

Speaking of paper, it was suggested one of the main reasons Charles was so upset with Harry when he “rushed right over” was because he asked for more money. Anyone could assume that but think about what he did immediately afterwards. He went over there only to have something to give an interview for. He got paid to “not squeal” on an interview. The Sussexes don’t lift a finger for free… they only lift them for freebies. Or money.

If Harry is here on an A1 Visa as a favor between Charles and the US, that means we are paying for that security in America. No wonder Harry is suing the UK, he needs to make it look like he needs something when he already has it. How would they possibly have the money to pay for their own? I posted the mortgage documents, remember. Do the math. They have 10 years to pay that house off in full before they get a 7.48% interest rate. They have upkeep, services, servants, nannies, clothes, utilities, maintenance that must be maintained or the bank could come in and do it themselves… Those things aren’t cheap. You have to have a faucet of money coming in to handle it all. They don’t even have a drip.

Oh, and I was told to really look at Harry’s page on the Royal website. And that the minute Wills gets that crown, his brother will be done for. Which is why Charles could be trying to be a father instead of a king in that situation. Then again, if Wills had hard feelings for both Charles and Harry, and Charles had a jealousy over Wills and the Queen… that’s a lot of ifs

One this is for sure. Harry will NEVER return to the BRF in a working capacity. Everything is a dance of smoke and mirrors.

It makes total sense to have Harry here on an A1 visa, have him in constant litigation with the UK so we peons think he needs security, but in reality he is here on a visa supplying him the protection he thinks he deserves. Of course, an FOIA would need to be filed, probably… I wonder if I could do that and see how he is really here. I don’t believe he is here on an O1 or spousal visa.

What is the real reason for all of this, people? It's just Flying Pasta, like before.

[a-d-nox]

it is my birthday tomorrow: so let's review the predictions i made last year based on my solar return chart

about a year ago, i made a predictions post for my year ahead and now here i am updating y'all with what actually happened as i previously suggested that i would! so let's jump into it - i pasted all my previous predictions in to this post for your reading ease!

1H IN LIBRA AT 12° (contains: scorpio sun and narcissus (37117))

prediction: there is likely to be a relational focus this year and with venus (the house ruler) in the 12h it is likely to be with myself (what us my relationship with my self? how can i better treat myself? etc). my diplomacy skills are likely not going to be the best as i look at the 10h/11h, what is sitting in those houses, and that pisces degree on my 1h... with my scorpio sun present in the house, it is likely that it will be obvious that i trust no one this year (people may suspect that i only trust myself - they could feel as though i look down on them or think little of them). my sun is opposite my moon so i might feel a bit disconnected from myself... with my sun in the 1h, i will likely have a super intense vibe (not that i don't already) but in a way that seems like magnetism because it is a libra 1h? like drawing others in? i do feel like this year is going to be the sort where i am discovering who i am and who i want to be (i just have to make sure it doesn't get out of hand with the sun and narcissus (especially with his conjunction to my sun, mercury, and mars) present).

reality: i still do need to make my relationship with myself better. but it has become very apparent that i need to do so this year. i have been prioritizing things that i don't really care about more than those things i do care about. like money. the focus on money this year is really starting to annoy me can't wait to move on to something else... making money and job related stuff has taken priority over my health, my friends, my family, etc. and making a hobby into a business / job / side hustle has really annoyed me this year because i use to really enjoy doing this but i am starting to really hate it. and it truly is taking up a lot of my time. i work a full time job - i am there 45 hours a week only to come home write posts or readings for another 10 hours a week - that might sound like nothing but its really not in the grand scheme because i am starting to get older and realize that everything is a trade off. that's 10 hours i didn't exercise, i didn't see family, i didn't see friends, etc. and part of that is because i don't appreciate myself the way i should. your 20s are really precious - you are your healthiest, most free, etc. and i am spending it on fleeting things. it is possible one day i could wake up and everything i have done here won't matter - it's immaterial it could just fade into cyberspace. just like my job one day i could wake up and unknowingly it will be my last - the world of technology is ever changing. things are moving faster than ever before and i find myself cling to things locking in while everything around me goes miles a minute. change is happening and i am not letting myself go with it. i want to be my best self - which is a practice i preach to everyone but myself. that being things might evolve here as well as i try my best to live and do so authentically in the coming year.

2H IN SCORPIO AT 9° (contains: scorpio mercury, mars, and kassandra (114) AND sagittarius educatio (2440) and pythia (432))

prediction: what an interesting mix of stuff i have here... money makes the world go round this year i guess. my mercury is at 9° and my mars is at 11° - can i just cry a little...? bro wtf is bitcoin and why do i feel like i am gonna get into the world of online investing...? the coupling of these two planets (especially mars as the 2h ruler) makes me feel as though i will be making money and spending it or moving it relatively quick so that i can't use it? i say "i can't use it" because my mars opposes jupiter which makes me think of compounding interest like a CD... anywho, i am a money wizard? i have kassandra and pythia here, so i feel like i will probably make investments and use my money in unexpected ways (kassandra makes me think of emergency funds OR bad financial contracts though). i also have educatio here so at least i will be learning more about financial literacy plus i do think with mercury i will be extremely interested in learning more about finances. and with mars... it might just become a new passion of mine... aside from money, while i am likely to continue a lot of giving and receiving of knowledge this next year on social media (mercury things), there is a danger to the realm of social media... ESPECIALLY with mars present and both mercury and mars conjunct my sun then all three opposing jupiter... my self worth could take a hit which i do not look forward to.

reality: thank god i didn't touch bitcoin that can stay far far away from me. but yep investing has never been so hard core this year i am walking out of this cycle with a 401k (that has a company match), a new CD, a credit card, and a quarterly bonus type of job. i corporate girlied hard. and on top of that i have done over 100 paid readings this year. i think learning about money is very important in today's world with inflation, social politics, etc the way it is. i will continue to learn about it but i am going to stop pressuring myself as much to make a set amount here especially. also i am going to be VERY careful what influencers (idk any 23 year olds making 6 figures in real life but social media appears to be full of them) i watch because some of them are extremists and not at all realistic... some of the content is good be some of it can be very delulu - my boss told me that a person from my generation came in fresh from college asking for more than even she makes... we have to be for real while also playing the game. i have had a 51.16% increase in income in comparison to where i was at when wrote my predictions last year at this time. so trust me when i say slow and steady wins the race when the job market is the way it is.

3H IN SAGITTARIUS AT 10° (contains: sagittarius ambrosia (193), asclepius (4581), cupido (763), jormungandr (471926) rx, lev tolstoj (2810), and zeus (5731) AND capricorn aphrodite (1388) and chekhov (2369))

prediction: sagittarius and 10° for the 3h is giving "it's all fun and games until someone says/mentions ____". i have to be mindful of my mouth because while i am likely to make people feel alive with my words given ambrosia and asclepius in this house, i also have chekhov (where you want simplicity but receive drama), aphrodite, and jormungandr (where people try to end you - aka getting socially outcasted/cancelled) in the 3h... but lev tolstoj is here too so whatever i am saying that offends others or makes them mad is facts even though there is drama/gossip involved when i do say these things... the dangers of social media part 2? i feel like it may be romantic drama because zeus (i am not a zeus person because there are no aspects to the sun or asc - only a square is made from this asteroid to my venus), cupido, and aphrodite (and for aphrodite there are no aspects made to my inner planets this solar return - so it is definitely not me doing something sus like cheating) are here in the house too. i do have my suspicions as to what is happening already... and oh shiiii will it hurt because 10° is always a bit painful in my opinion. especially with the house ruler in the 8h... it just looks like emotional damage...

reality: when i tell you things that i have said were often misinterpreted or took negatively - i am not joking. i was messing with my boss and i was saying how no one has been using the form and i joked that we should make a new motto "no form, no fulfillment" and she snapped at me "thats a shitty way to do business". i didnt think i said it in a serious manner or anything but its been little things like that all year. me and my big mouth need to learn the power of silence again. and yes there was some romantic drama like the boy from last year calling me out of the blue to tell me he is planning to break up with his girlfriend... like okay? why are you calling me now after basically a year of not communicating with me? also don't bother me when you are with someone, boy. that's what he is too - a boy - because no man would play this type of game. like grow tf up. but alas of course it hurt my feelings because it sort of was flirty and it seemed like he was vetting me out for a potential hookup... it hurt me to hear how little he values me and how little he valued what he started with me to think that a hook up was all that i would be worth and desire.

4H IN CAPRICORN AT 14° (contains: capricorn pluto, balder (4059), and bellerophon (1808)

prediction: a lot of my astro friends who see this chart are like "oh are you moving?" and i am like ABSOLUTELY NOT. like i literally just moved so no. unfortunately (i hate to be this person) i do believe a beloved family member (4h balder conjunct pluto and square moon) will be passing this year. even more unfortunate - i do not think it will be an easy death with bellerophon present because he was thrown from pegasus... and not to be super disgusting, but i do believe i will inherit something expensive and very material given the earthy grand trine formed by pluto, venus, and uranus. that being said i feel like i might neglect my mental health because pluto squares my moon - i might stopping going to therapy (currently i see a therapist regarding my childhood ptsd). i might regress into people pleasing behaviors because it is all that i will be able to control if someone in my family passes... which is not the healthiest for me.

reality: i didn't move! yay thank god cause who has the energy! but the family dog did die this february... i picked her out and everything. so it was sad but she was 15 - she lived a very good life. my grandfather is still heartbroken... its very depressing. my mom had to go to the vet to put her down... but i know she was loved and now she is no longer in pain her last months she couldn't get on the couch, she struggled with having energy, wore a doggie diaper, etc. it was her time. switching gears. i have been neglecting and ignoring my mental health a lot lately just because i don't really have the energy or "time" to take care of it...

5H IN AQUARIUS AT 17° (contains: pisces saturn, amor (1221) rx, and karma (3811))

prediction: this seems like a good mix for me achieving something big with writing/blogging. especially because saturn is the traditional ruler of aquarius and capricorn (which is home - the work i do from home, a side hustle). my outlook for romance is not too good with amor in retrograde in this house nor with freedom loving aquarius ruling this house. not to mention i feel like the world will be showing me something that will cause me to have a grudge against love (saturn) and karma will be dished out. this could also be a sign that my childhood trauma could be triggered again with saturn in the 5h too (great).

reality: my goal was to reach 3k and at this point in time we are almost at 5k here. so goal reached! also unexpected but related i have a project i have been working on for over a year and it complete! which definitely is a 5h pisces saturn moment. but yes i was single the whole damn year. i think the grudge i have about love has a lot to do with my situation reappearing after a year of no conversation despite him saying we are just friends only to tell me he is going to break up with his girlfriend... but he really loves her. if you love her why are you talking to me and why are you calling me basically plotting the break up - it was icky to me... and honestly turned my stomach about love.

project: sunset cross stitch.

6H IN PISCES AT 17° (contains: pisces neptune rx, AND aries heracles (5143) rx and salacia (120347) rx)

prediction: i appreciate the that neptune is retrograde in this pisces house... last thing i wanted was for my health, routine, or hygiene to be confusing/frustrating, avoided, or to constantly be behind / running late / neglected. so this is fine by me. i might be obsessive with scheduling, health, and hygiene because jupiter (this house's other ruler) is in the 8h. it seems like the job hunt is at a standstill with heracles in retrograde - instead, i might get one great option that i take and stick to with given salacia in retrograde.

reality: i actually revamped my google calendar at the beginning of my 23rd year. i am now taking vitamins out of a pill box of all things like an old woman. and i am focusing on my hair health! i sleep with a bonnet on because i am a hard sleeper and its changing the fact that use to have tension breakage. i also am getting into hair oiling! and i did find a job in marketing after not having a lot of luck. so it only takes one person to say yes is very real.

7H IN ARIES AT 12° (contains: aries nn, chiron rx, part of fortune, pandora (55) rx, and signe (459) rx AND taurus moon and vertex)

prediction: it's a toss up as to what all this could mean. i could find myself in a very emotionally charged connection (this is the eclipse moon after all) - with chiron rx it could be the healing of past wounds. the combination of vertex, part of fortune, and north node dictates that any relationship/partnership i find myself in could be extremely significant. with pandora here i feel like it might be unexpected where this relationship will come from. WITH SIGNE HERE i feel like some people may look down on who this person is...

reality: i can officially say i am over my situationship i couldn't say that a year ago - i was too shocked that he cut me off cold turkey and started dating someone knew after telling me many time he didn't want to date anyone. but unexpectedly i did mean some really cool friends who i really get along with so that was very good this year.

8H IN TAURUS AT 9° (contains: taurus jupiter rx and uranus rx)

prediction: oof not my 8h ruler in the 12h - what's that screaming i hear lol? maybe i will be afraid of change - i mean that because of the 12h venus and jupiter retrograde... the combination doesn't really express embracing change and the unknown, you know? the uranus retrograde makes me think i will be moving away from shared finances and working on managing my own money. i definitely believe it is for the best that i keep my opportunities to myself... i don't get the sense people will be supportive of my wins - i more so sense the envy of others from this house. i don't think i will be shocked by my successes, but i feel like others will not see it coming...

reality: i really wrote that and this year can to understand its true - i fear change and i live small because of it and i 100% make my own obstacles. i am really working on ripping my own path with money. and i am learning to share a whole lot less with people because they don't always wish you well... i'm shocked i changed jobs twice. i'm even more shocked that i am changing my mind about my next move educationally and even more shocked to see i am exploring things i would have thought best to leaving in the past.

9H IN GEMINI AT 10° (contains: gemini midas (1981) AND cancer arachne (407) and odysseus (1143))

prediction: mmmm the contemplation to go back to school is real this coming year. it's weird because it might not be for my MFA? like the 9h midas sextile chiron is giving paralegal? nursing? idk but it's not feeling literary oriented... especially with cancer arachne present, i feel like that is nursing/medical-esque... alternatively, midas can be extreme change then add in odysseus, the traveler - i could be going on a trip that changes my life entirely.

reality: i did do a lot of contemplation and it really surprised me to think i should get a certification of some sort - marketing, editing, paralegal, etc. and no i didn't travel at all this year to somewhere long distance. but i did go on some road trips that are opening me up to the world around me.

10H IN CANCER AT 14° (contains: cancer ajax (1404), hannibal (2152), and loke (4862) AND leo agamemnon (911) and arthur (2597))

prediction: it's a REAL toss up how this house will manifest. i feel like sometimes people will love me and find my presence comforting and other times they will hate me and be annoyed by me. this is thanks to the moon ruler in the 7h... and ajax (who squares my chiron)... and agamemnon (who squares my moon)... i say ajax because i think of my 3h this year - i am falling on my own sword in that regard for sure because not everyone will like what i have to say especially when it is likely to be true (3h sag is starting to remind me of a verbal burn). while people are likely to look up to me (10h arthur AND hannibal) or be forced to - because of my status, they are likely to despise me for what i say/said (7h moon AND mercury and jupiter (3h ruler) square arthur). meanwhile, it might not even be me who is the problem i just look like the bad guy for making it more apparent like loki (10h loke).

reality: i am still someone who is tricky to get along with... i annoy my coworkers because i really do think too much at times... and i'm stubborn and cautious... when i was working at the hotel we got snowed in one night and everyone was like happy to be staying over but i was like i don't want to be here i wanna go tf home... but other times when people are being annoying and i am like "you're giving me a headache" my coworkers are like she said what she said and we were all thinking it...

11H IN LEO AT 17° (contains: leo charybdis (388), helena (101), and hestia (46) AND virgo beowulf (38086), juno (3), lacrimosa (208), and silentium (2710))

prediction: i feel like my popularity is going to be a thing / where i am on the social status food chain (high up). but i don't believe i can trust anyone this year... i feel like i am likely to reach big social media milestones with beowulf in this house (and this house being in leo at 17°) - social media might even take over my life a little bit (11h charybis). i do feel like friendships will be very love hate with juno and hestia here - i am likely to be a moderator of sorts but with helena here i feel like someone is going to accuse me of being disloyal because of how i am likely to moderate without bias. i might find myself truly alone again this year because of it (11h lacrimosa and silentium).

reality: i made quite a few new friends this year a lot of people came to enjoy my presence but there was one snake in the garden for sure. i am glad i didn't trust her she was complaining to my boss about me trying to get me fired... i also ran into an ex-friend which caused me a lot of stress and anxiety... but i just hard core avoided her and played cool. it was at my best friend's engagement party (juno here?). but on another note, i do feel more on the outside of friendships than ever before this year.

12H IN VIRGO AT 17° (contains: virgo venus)

prediction: greatttt i thought we were passed this but i guess not.... looks like i still need to work on my self esteem... intuitively, i don't sense social media is going to be kind to me, and i really hope that doesn't mean here. like i am okay if it is instagram (that app is dying anyway) but like here and tiktok are my favorite apps to be in. when bullying is involved though and it is consistent, there is a limitation to that favoritism in which it becomes apprehension to stay for something like a social media in comparison to showing up for myself. there could also be delusions in romance with this set up - i could experience over thinking in a romantic connections with that 12h virgo venus too. karmic relationships are highly probable with this placement too. OR it could be an ex becoming an enemy too (unknown enemies my a$$)...

reality: i didn't face bullying online i found out my bully was in my mind though... i was really not the kindest to myself this past year. i prioritized work and money over my mental, emotional, social, and physical health... and then i had the audacity to get mad i gained 8-10lbs. like no shit girl you have an office job now. so fitness is not just regularly mixed in to my schedule. or not having a boyfriend, seeing friends or family - no shit you spend all your weekends majorly on the couch at home working on your blog or paid readings... maybe i type slow but it takes a lot of time. time i am choosing to spend on making money instead of myself.

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[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

🧚‍♀️ Anon here!

I have a few Fairytale ideas that I’d like to share to see your opinion on them and if their interesting or not (And some ideas from Movies)

Grim Yandere Tales

Hansel and Gretel (NO incest!): Reader is the mother who takes her children and runs from her abusive husband, with Leone and/or Bruno as the Witch (She adopted her children, who are Giorno, Narancia and maybe Trish)

Aladdin (I think you’ll like this): Reader is the street rat, Diavolo is the Sultan, Giorno and Bruno are visiting Royalty (Who plan to try and free Diavolo’s people either by killing him or taking his throne), Risotto is the sorcerer and Mista is the Genie

Thumbelina: Reader is a small human who was discovered by the Fairy Prince Bruno, only to be seen by Risotto/Doppio who’s either a normal human or a Dark Fae who wants her for himself

Movies

Dracula: Count Risotto and Bruno (With Reader being his fiancée)

Sleepy Hollow: Dio as the Headless Horseman

Corpse Bride: Not sure yet, what do you think?

Jekyll and Hyde: Either Diavolo and Doppio, Bruno and Risotto

Labyrinth: Risotto or Diavolo as the Goblin King

Legend: Diavolo as The Darkness with Doppio as his only way to go out in the sunlight, Reader is the Princess and Giorno is the hero who lives in the forest

I mentioned Diavolo, Bruno and Risotto a lot because there my favorites (It’s hard to stray from them)

I'm sorry I took so long to respond, been really busy lately packing.

I've actually had ideas for thumbelina and and corpse bride for a while now but never managed to get them written down so I'll cover those first

Thumbalina

I was thinking that Bruno would attempt to save darling. Thinking that they were another fae captured by a human. Darling explains the situation. It's revealed they're a fae who'd probably been taken far from their home. Bruno offers to take Darling back with him so they can be where they belong and get a pair of wings. Darling is hesitant on the idea and tells him they need a week to decide.

During that week two things could happen.

Another fae named doppio meets darling. Reader is unaware he's a dark fae, so when he asks them to help him and that he'll return them home straight after they agree non the wiser

Or

Darling is discovered by Risotto after their mother leaves for an emergency and is quickly snatched away. Initially he's looking to sell them for money but soon starts to fall for them and decides to keep them for himself

Corpse bride

Honestly I think Fugo. He was born into a wealthy lifestyle but could not stand the family around him. Believed he'd found love but in reality it was all a set up that lead to his death.

Darling is forced into marrying into wealth but doesn't want to. Tries running away into the forest and comes in possession of the now cursed ring originally meant for that first love that causes him to awaken and subsequently gets trapped in the underworld.

Hansel and Gretel

Ok so reader initially ran and hid away in a town. During this she took in the three. Their upbringings similar to canon. Narancia is 10 and had an eye infection that Darling was trying to earn the money to treat. Giorno and Trish are 8.

After being found by their ex again they run in the forest in night. For what seems like hours they keep going until they find a house with a door wide open and lights on.

They all go inside and call out to the owner but no response. Darling would try to leave but it's evident that the kids are too tired to keep running. So Darling decides to tuck them into one of the beds and wait for the owner to explain, however they fall asleep shortly after.

Now it could be either or a poly situation with both.

Bruno would be more outwardly willing to help while Abbacchio though still helping would be a bit more stern.

Darling wakes up in the morning where they meet the house owner and explain the situation. They're offered the spare bedrooms to stay in. Darling initially refuses the offer as they have to keep running. The kids wake up and it's immediately noticed that narancias eye's swelling has reduced. And that is how Darling would be hooked into staying.

Aladdin

Darling and her family used to be farmers but after harsh heatwaves are left with little to nothing left and Diavolo the newly crowned sultan attempts to arrange a marriage with darling but due to their hatred of the new sultan they refuse. After stealing food from traders they're caught and imprisoned and Risotto confronts them. He explains that he too hates Diavolo and that if darling were to help him retrieve a powerful artifact that he would offer them enough riches to let their family live without working another day in their life when he takes over.

So darling agrees but only if he allows them ownership of a particularly expensive ring he has until he fulfills his end of the deal.

So darling helps Risotto grab the artifact, some old lamp that they don't see any purpose of. As they're about to leave Risotto attempts to help them escape but the floor caves beneath darling and they fall in and he leaves.

Awhile after darling is found by Giorno and Bruno who have ropes to help darling escape and bring them back into town. They reveal they're both royalty from another land who've come to try and establish a trade route. However upon entering town they're meet by Diavolo who quickly has darling arrested, telling them that they're luck they weren't attacked as they have a record of stealing from traders and the like. The lamp being left in the hands of the two.

Dracula

Bruno and darling come to transylvania after receiving a letter from count Nero who wants to relocate to London and help with selling the castle.

They arrive and discuss with the count. Bruno and darling discuss the state of the castle and come to the conclusion that sell to the count will be easy however it'd take some work to clean areas of the castle to get photos good enough to try and convince potential buyers.

They're warned not to leave the bedroom at night however one night darling hears a scream in the night. Bruno is still asleep so they investigate on their own. They encounter Risotto while he's feasting and is pretty much frozen in fear. The next morning Bruno finds that both his fiancee and the count are gone. Bruno investigates only to find a journal written by the count that reveals the truth.

Headless horsemen

(Have not watched sleepy hollow unfortunately)

Darling is an aspiring novelist who moves into a small town after getting inheritance. They hope that the local legends will fuel their inspiration. Locals warn them they shouldn't be outside at nightfall. They investigate one night and grabbed by who the locals refer to as the headless horseman and dragged into the thick fog.

Jekyll and Hyde

Bruno is a detective who is trying to solve a string of crimes connected to a mysterious Diavolo. Darling a close friend to both bruno and Doppio (though doppio and bruno are only acquainted) begins to get stalked and eventually kidnapped. Now Doppio needs to hide them away from investigators as if he doesn't Diavolo vow to ruin their lives.

Labyrinth

I'd probably say Diavolo is best for the role of Jareth. Honestly this one will probably be as close to the movie as it gets from me.

Legend

(Another one I unfortunately haven't see)

Giorno and darling are taking a stroll through the forest when all of a sudden the weather changes to a harsh snow storm and are separated. Darling stumbles across the scene of doppio and the unicorn, hearing what he says to himself they decide to follow the man back to the castle after hearing all that is needed they attempt to leave only to be caught by Doppio.

Originally locked in the dungeon she is eventually moved to a room in the castle and is free to wonder. Given various gifts with letters of proposal until Diavolo decides to meet her in person.

[tavi-the-rat]

MLP HEADCANONS TIME

ok since im back to my childhood hyperfixation im gonna make a rundowns of my headcanons for my equestria girls college au :3

its gonna get long so ill put it under a read more

Twilight Sparkle:

-indian+canadian

-average height (about 1,7m or so), very lean, probably the skinniest one of the group

-shoulder length hair, oftentimes just forgets to brush it

-technology major

-considered going into physics but inventions are her special interest

-autism goes hard baybee

-her hobby is mechanical engineering so she picks apart vechicles in her free time

-one time sunset allowed her to work on her motorbike and she went INSANE

-has microdontia, very insecure about it, is considering getting braces

-radiohead listener

-as bisexual as she can get

Fluttershy:

-pakistani

-muslim, hijabi

-second tallest of the group (1,85m), shaped like a walking stick

-often styles her hijab with hairpins and earrings

-veterinary medicine major

-when she was a kid her and rainbow dash would put bugs in jars to take care of them, that's when her love of animals started

-pets stray cats on the street

-crochet girlie

-if you're friends with her you'll likely end up with a custom crochet cardigan from her

-cane user, struggles with chronic pain

-kpop stan

-oriented aroace and happy about it

Applejack:

-usamerican, specifically from southwestern missouri

-tallest one of the group (im talking 1,9m she's TALL), buff as hell

-long hair always braided

-agriculture major, but also a biotechnology fan

-she doesn't even need to hit the gym she got all her muscles from working on the farm

-will ask you if you're hungry & offer food regardless of the answer

-likes urban exploring & urban legends

-probably seen mothman at least once

-listens to indie bands and im talking real indie like those kind of bands that perform exclusively in basements and like 3 people heard of them

-lesbian with hella play like cmon she pulled both rarity and rainbow dash

Rarity:

-mexican+russian

-reformed jewish, wears her star of david necklace all the time

-third tallest of the group (1,8m), fat and curvy

-fashion major, but already has her own boutique

-lush locks, she has a strict 10 step routine to maintain them

-started designing clothes at 16 but has had a lot of experience with sewing since she had to repair her clothes as a kid bc she grew up poor

-classic lit fan

-will go on a tangent how underappreciated and misunderstood sonya marmeladova is

-its an unskippable cutscene btw you have to listen throughout all of it

-twilight convinced her to read sci-fi as well and she's a huge fan of it

has a lot of stretch marks and cellulite and she's very proud of it

-same goes for her moles and tooth gap, she tends to compliment people on things that are usually considered insecurities

-very sensitive to heat & prone to sunburn

-classical music all the way, her favourite composer is chopin

-lesbian, in a polyamorous relationship with rainbow dash and applejack

Rainbow Dash:

-welsh

-shortest one of the group (1,6m) and salty about it, very muscular but not as much as applejack, hits the gym 4 times a week

-wants to be able to lift applejack, currently to no avail

-mullet haver, cuts his own hair

-aviation major, is training to become a pilot

-adhd and dyslexic, struggled a lot in classes and at one point in life was convinced she's dumb but turns out he just needed accomodations

-has always been keen on flying, loved watching birds and dragonflies with fluttershy

-all spare money goes to piercings, currently has snake bites and an industrial

-vape girlie im so sorry but he would vape

-her pilot jacket literally never comes off

-morning person. he'll literally wake up at crack of dawn and ask you if you want to go on a jog with her

-punk rock fan, his favourite bands are dead kennedys, sex pistols and misfits

-bigender (he/she), lesbian, in a polyam relationship with rarity and applejack

-atp she started carrying around a stool to be able to kiss his girlfriends

-constantly has purple lipstick stains on his cheeks from rarity giving her kisses, not bothered enough to wipe them off

Pinkie Pie:

-creole

-second shortest after rainbow dash (1,65m), chubby

-has vitiligo

-dyed her hair many different colours before ultimately settling on pink

-LOVES trying different hairstyles, she loves having an afro but her second favourite hairstyle are bantu knots

-culinary major, dreaming of opening her own bakery

-works part-time as a kid entertainer, children absolutely love to be around her

-accesorizes every item of clothing she owns, there are more pins and patches than there is material

-pro gamer girl, has her own youtube channel

-plays minecraft with sunset shimmer

-adhd girlie

-fan of hyperpop and pixel, but listens to pink metal as well

-pansexual :3

Sunset Shimmer:

-argentinian

-about the same height as twilight (1,75m), fit but not exactly muscular

-has medium length hair but definitely buzzed it once or twice in their life

-ethnology/anthropology major

-really keen on historical cosplay

-rarity helps her with period-accurate costumes

-wears pressure gloves both to help with her arthritis and because they look cool

-owns a motorbike and they're very cool for it

-diy enthusiast, made her spiky choker themselves

-decorates her battle jacket along with pinkie pie

-goth & metal enthusiast, loves type o negative and scary bitches

-bisexual & nonbinary (they/she)

[lyrashifts]

LUCID DREAMING TIPS!

INTRO.

hello lovelies! so nearing the beginning of discovering shifting i also found out a lot about how lucid dreaming can be used as another method to shift. and, wanting to shift as quickly as possible, i started doing everything i could think of to lucid dream despite having never done it, and was actually able to lucid dream for the first time (briefly) about a month into it! i have since lucid dreamt about 4 times (about every 2 weeks from that time) and have had many other instances where i almost lucid dreamt or (while not lucid dreaming) was able to somewhat control my dream. now, i'm no expert, but for anyone who's interested, i hope to offer some of my personal insight into lucid dreaming!

TIPS.

dream journaling; now, i know it's not particularly fun, but i find that dream journaling is an important aspect when it comes to lucid dreaming. i keep a dream journal by my bed so that i can write down everything i remember when i wake up, no matter how little it makes sense. now, you can also keep your phone by your bed if you really need to and journal there (i tend to do this when i wake up in the middle of the night since i'm way too tired to actually use a pen and paper). from what i've gathered this works because it helps your dream recall. by writing down your dreams you'll most likely remember them for a longer period of time and even start noticing patterns within your dreams, which may help you lucid dream (and i can confirm it's helped me immensely to remember my dreams).

reality checks; reality checks can be pretty simple in terms of what you're doing. trying to breath through a pinched nose, poking your palm to see if your fingers go through, or just checking if your hands are distorted are all examples of what you could do. i personally have a reminder on my phone about every 2 hours to make me do a reality check which helps me stay consistent, and another method to do so is to draw an 'x' on your wrist and to do a reality check when you see it. i personally do a mix of all the three above examples and just take a minute to feel the realness of this reality when i do reality checks just because i find this works best for me. the main point of reality checks are so that you might do them in your dreams by habit, and realize you're dreaming. this is actually how i lucid dreamt the first time.

waking up 5 - 6 hours after falling asleep; my body tends to wake me up around 5 - 6 hours after falling asleep naturally, but if yours doesn't, you can set an alarm. it's best to stay awake for about 5 - 10 minutes, but not to fully wake up. some people recommend getting up and going to the washroom, for example. after this, you may try whatever method you use or simply fall back asleep with the intention to lucid dream. the vast majority of times i've lucid dreamt or come close to it is after i've woken up in the middle of the night, so i strongly recommend doing this if you can.

consistency; i know you hate it. i do too. but the only reason i was able to lucid dream is consistency. it's no fun, but i did my reality checks, i dream journaled whenever i remembered my dreams, etc. i tried to lucid dream when i was younger but my attempts were so sporadic i gave up on it. but please, and i can't stress this enough, stay consistent. i'd never lucid dreamt before trying and now i do it somewhat regularly because i remain consistent. some people find it easier than others, and that's fine. stay on your own path and don't compare yourself to them. you'll get there eventually.

EXTRA.

for anyone looking for a specific method, i recommend giving this one a try. it may not work for you (everyone's experiences are different) but i was able to lucid dream after using it for the first time. also, please take into consideration that these are all based on my own experiences! what works for me might not work for you, and vice versa! but i hope this helped anyone who was looking for it. happy dreaming!

[revenancy]

I can't tell you how badly I would like to peek over your shoulder at your SDP notes lol. Can I trouble you for an infodump? Any time I see a post about Ros and/or Nevi I started fluttering against the computer monitor like a moth. Thank u :>

oh my gosh YES. okay. so. tw for dubcon/noncon, cannibalism, physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, serious injury and death. all text screencaps will be described in alt text, and this post will probably get long.

but here we go:

Six Dead Princes started off as literally this block of text in a libreoffice doc (ignore the homestuck in me, please)

and it's obviously come pretty far since that initial toss-up of ideas a couple weeks ago, evolving into something that puts Ros more in a position of power than he was at first (this is not necessarily a good thing.)

important notes: Nevi has, technically, murdered Ros. more than once. but because his life is intrinsically bound to the life of the sorcerer's tower(-slash-ex-husband) he keeps waking up, time and again.

[continuing under the cut]

so Roslin -- Sehtriax Rosmaundel, or something along those lines, but he hasn't been that person since he was seven years old and gifted to the Sorcerer Wyse for her steadfast loyalty as the king's lover -- has lived in the tower for twenty years. the first ten years were relatively normal as he and Nevi would butt heads but, overall, the Sorcerer Wyse controlled the two of them well.

eight years ago, he was gifted to Nevi -- at her request upon reaching age of majority -- to be her pet.

Nevi taxidermies her pets.

she is the definition of a spoiled brat. anything Nevi wants, Nevi gets -- she's the sorcerer's only child, and while she has no magic of her own and no interest in learning it, she knows how to use her mother's magic. Roslin is under a charm that ensures his survival but also demands his obedience, something Nevi found out when she was very young and thus decided to use to her advantage.

she has had cats and dogs and snakes and one short-lived falcon, and now, she has a prince.

the last prince.

the old king had seven children: Anahtriax Salmene, his only daughter, and six sons. technically Anahtriax and Sehtriax, Ros's name, are titles and not proper names, but they're considered archaic and holy Gyre-names, meaning literally First Prince(ss) and Seventh Prince(ss), and yes the other five all had the same thing.

Salmene is ~10 years older than Roslin, so at the time of the plot she's 37 and has been locked away for nearly as long as he's been alive -- because in the trend of fantasy monarchies being strange and terrible people, the old king (currently unnamed) went through a string of lovers, each of them suffering some tragic end.

Roslin's birth mother -- a foreign ballerina named Corenthe -- was slaughtered and carved like a duck for dinner. the old king and his daughter consumed the woman in front of the Holy Mother, aka the queen of Cierclant, aka the king's wife and the symbolic (and chaste) mother of all of his children, and the king's brother, who ended up becoming his regent after using that instance to prove the man's instability.

this may also be why the Holy Mother was willing to let the sorcerer have Roslin: she wanted him as far from his father as propriety would allow, and the king would not part with his youngest son for anyone but the love of his life (in that moment, the Sorcerer Wyse).

but let's talk about the fun stuff:

Nevi. The way she treats Ros is basically as a living sex toy -- he exists to offer her pleasure and delight, and she very rarely suffers him to have desires of his own (except when she can frustrate him). When he is allowed some semblance of power and control, it's usually because she's bored and wants to see what he would do with it, and she snatches it back the moment he crosses a line.

and oh my god this man is a wreck. he is twenty-seven he has never been allowed to have sexual desires outside of Nevi. he has never been allowed to have curiosities, to explore his own attraction, and he has pretty much come to the conclusion that perhaps this is love: strapped to a table with her knife in his side waiting for her to come back up and let him free. perhaps this is hate: Nevi taking his body for herself, more or less riding him into submission, and he doesn't know better to want anything else.

and then the fifth prince dies.

his name is Selantin. he is betrothed to the priestess Esmeriht of the Holy Gyre (as was his brother Galant before him). and when his body has cooled, the Holy Mother picks herself up from her mourning and she sets off for the sorcerer's tower with Emra in tow to collect her last living son.

and Seventh Prince Roslin's first desire is a breathless, terrified glance at Nevi and I want her detained. and in her prison cell, he ties her hands to the rough iron bars and he relishes the thought of returning all that hurt onto her. a better man, he tells himself, would move on.

Roslin is not a better man.

he would rather have Nevi to himself, keep her as a pet like she kept him, than move past anything she did to him. he would rather fuck her in every way she hates -- violate her trust in him and prove that she was a fool to have any to begin with, once he's let loose from the obedience charm -- and turn that magic back on her.

and then you add Emra to the mix -- Esmeriht Cashilde Donsel of the Holy Gyre, a born daughter of the faith, pure and chaste and all things that good girls are supposed to be -- and it's like Roslin is dead set to prove to himself and everyone else that he needed to be controlled. that some part of him is just like his father, that some kinds of madness are hereditary, that maybe little pieces of himself have chipped off over the years and are sitting on the floor of Nevi's laboratory:

And if there's one thing he hates more than anything else, it's Emra's maintained innocence. It's her frowning on anything sexual or magical -- it's her acting like he's somehow been corrupted by Nevi's influence on his life -- it's her shying away from him when they're not in a public occasion, refusing to let him touch her, refusing to meet his eye. He feels goddamn slighted because the wife they've offered him is obviously defective somehow. (she's just an asexual celibate priest. and he's EXACTLY as abusive about that as you'd expect. this is NOT his trauma healing arc.)

and he is NOT going to realize any of this until he's forced to confront it. he's not going to look at himself in the mirror until the blade is held to his throat. until he has to face death -- true death -- and he thought that he wouldn't be afraid of it, after Nevi. after everything she did to him. every day he woke up dead.

but outside of the sorcerer's tower, out from the yoke of the spell that kept him physically whole, the seventh prince of Cierclant comes to the realization that injuries are lasting.

and death is permanent.

[sheepiemc]

Seven Stupid Reasons to Summon a Demon

Reason #4: need to scream about a bad book

CW: strong language (it's not anything too vulgar, MC just says fuck a lot because wrath - if this were a movie, it would be rated R for language)

Today was the perfect day to read. 

It’s been gloomy all week, today included, and you finally got a day off from work. You have this book that you’ve been meaning to finish for a few weeks now and by gosh, you intend to get through it today. 

When you first started it, you only got 20 pages in but you told yourself you just haven’t gotten to the good part yet. You’ve been trying to get to the good part all day but something else captures your attention. Like how your cat needs to be played with, or your plants need to be watered, or it’s a great day to make soup! 

Perfect soup day… 

Now you gotta make soup. 

And when your cat sits in your lap to take a nap, well, it’s not like you can get up and get your book that’s sitting on the coffee table oh-so-far away. There’s always something getting between you and this damn book. 

Next thing you know, the sun is setting (at least, you think it is; the gray clouds are so heavy you can’t really tell how low the sun is in the sky) and you haven’t made any progress. 

When your cat finally releases you to complain about not being fed yet, you are determined to at least make a bigger dent than before. Once the little prince has been fed, you settle on the couch and get to reading. 

And you read for a bit — 30 pages — before your leg falls asleep and you switch positions on the couch. Then, you keep reading — 40 pages — before the silence gets to you and you have to pick some music to fit the mood. Now, you can keep reading and you get to 50 pages — before you just end up staring out the window. 

You think you hear thunder in the distance but you can’t be sure. Not unless you sit in silence and stare out the window for 15 minutes without hearing any more thunder. Maybe it was a sound effect in the music you’re listening to. 

Your eyelids are getting kinda heavy but you slap your cheeks lightly to wake yourself up. You just gotta get to the good part! You get 10 more pages in before you feel your head lolling forward and your eyelids droop once again. You snap to attention once again and decide it’s time to take a phone break. You got as far as you did, you’ve earned it. 

After scrolling through social media for a bit, your curiosity gets the better of you and you casually Google: “when do we get to the good part” in the book you're reading. You usually try to avoid reviews of books before you read them because you don’t want other people’s opinions influencing your judgment, but this book is proving quite difficult to get through on its own. Maybe if you know something good is coming around the corner, you’ll be more interested in reading it; what you end up finding thoroughly surprises you. 

More than that, it boils your blood. 

“WHAT?” You say out loud, to no one in particular.

You’re fuming! 

“What the FUCK?”

You’re so mad, in fact, you have to let all this energy out somewhere! 

You need to vent. 

And you know exactly who you need to call in this situation. 

You march all the way back to your room, book in hand, to get that cursed book off its specific, and highly prized, spot on your bookshelf. You close your eyes and concentrate, taking in several deep breaths as you do. 

You open your eyes to a flash of green light and Satan stands before you in your room, with a look of surprise gracing his features. 

“MC, to what do I owe—” He notices your wrath bubbling just under the surface, which is unusual but not unwelcome to him, “—the pleasure?” 

You calmly replace the cursed book back on your shelf and hold the other “cursed” book up for Satan to see. “I’m tired of this stupid book!” 

“Ah,” Satan nods once and uses magic to pull up your desk chair to sit in. “Of course. Go on.” 

You let out a shout of frustration before you continue, “It just never got any better! After I gave it so many chances!” 

Satan nods in understanding. 

“The main character is just so annoying, she’s a serious NLOG. ‘Oh, I used to be like other girls, but now I’m not because I like sex and I murdered a guy once but he probably deserved it.’ Like, get in line.” 

At that, Satan chuckles but he doesn’t interrupt your train of thought. Your cat peeks his head in at the commotion and makes a beeline for Satan’s lap once he spots him. 

“And she has zero self-preservation instincts! Like she goes to confront a guy — who is definitely a vampire, by the way — ALONE, IN AN ALLEY, AFTER SHE WATCHED HIM KILL A GUY, and she has the nerve to question him about said murder?” 

“Huh, a human? Going up against a creature much more powerful than themselves? What a foolish person they must be.” 

“Hush, smart guy, I’m not done ranting.” 

Satan laughs, “Continue.” 

“On top of all that sheer stupidity, I find out that this other main character that was definitely advertised to be a vampire — he’s not even a FUCKING VAMPIRE, he only BECOMES a vampire at the very end of the book!” 

“No…” 

“YES! And it’s not because he wants to. It's to save his life! That means this fool is running around in out-of-fashion clothes and saying things like, ‘If you’ve been alive as long as I have…’ for the DRAMA of it all!” 

Satan tsks. 

“I feel like I’ve been cheated!! And there’s four other books in the series??? Why should I keep reading this garbage? Nope, I can’t do it anymore. I’m done.” 

You punctuate that last statement by throwing the book on the bed with a huff. 

Satan scritches your cat’s chin as he says, “You know what I think?” 

“What—” 

“I think you need new reading material.” He stands up from his chair and lifts your boy into his arms at the same time. The unexpected change in altitude startles the cat and he wriggles his way out of Satan’s arms and onto the floor. You both watch as he leaves the room to find a more stable napping place. 

Satan then looks at you expectantly. 

You look back at him, then at the TBR pile growing on your desk, then at the large bookcase overflowing with books already. “You know what I think…” You look back at him, “I think you’re absolutely right. Let me just get changed.” 

You shoo Satan out of your bedroom and change out of your house clothes in record time. When you emerge from your room, Satan presents his arm for you to hold. Who knew the devil would be such a gentleman? 

As you leave your apartment, you call to your cat over your shoulder, “Be good.” 

As you make your way to your favorite bookstore and café that’s a convenient walking distance from your apartment, you ask Satan, “Are you looking for some new human world reading material as well?” 

“Well, that, and it’s just nice to get out of the house once in a while.” He looks up to the sky. The heavy gray clouds are less noticeable because of how dark it is but you know they’re still there. 

You look up too, and say, “I hope it won’t rain on the one day I actually choose to leave the house.” 

Satan smirks down at you. “Now, what are the odds of that happening right now?” 

A roll of thunder sounds off in the distance and you stop dead in your tracks. Satan keeps walking but turns to face you when your arm leaves his. 

“You had to jinx it didn’t you?” 

His smile widens. “Do you think we’ll make it before it comes down?” 

You close your eyes and take a deep breath. “If I have to run, I’ll make you regret it.” 

He steps up to you just as you feel the slightest drops of rain land on your nose. “I’d like to see how you would make me do that.” 

A few more drops and you scowl venomously at him, his face only inches from yours. 

“Humans…” He chuckles and takes off running when more drops settle around you and you take off after him, laughing. 

You make it to the bookstore in one piece, albeit soaking wet. The familiar brown brick exterior is already warming you up before you’ve even set foot inside. A light tinkling of the bell in the doorway announces your presence in the shop and someone far inside friendly shouts, “Welcome!” as you cross the threshold. You pause for a moment just to take in the immaculate vibes of this place. 

The brown brick of the exterior continues in the interior. Bookshelves line the walls and tower over you, some books are up so high, you wonder how anyone is supposed to get those books off the shelf. String lights drape across the ceiling and add a moody glow to the atmosphere. At the far end of the store is the espresso bar and café, with its mismatched bar stools and dangling exposed lightbulbs. All the furniture here is lovingly worn and there are innumerable cozy corners where you can pick up a book and cuddle up with a cup of coffee. 

You take a deep breath and sigh, your mood stabilizing already. Satan takes your saturated jacket and hangs it on the coat rack by the door as you try to wring out the excess moisture in your hair. He walks further into the store — past you — and when you meet his eye, he winks. A gust of warm wind dries your clothes and hair instantaneously and your eyes widen as you look around to see if there’s anyone who might have noticed. Your panic subsides when you realize there aren’t many people here anyway and everyone who is here is too engrossed in what they’re doing to make a note of how a couple of strangers magically got dry. 

Before he can get too far from you, you tug on Satan’s arm. He turns around to look at you questioningly. 

“I just got a brilliant idea!” You meet his gaze with a wide smile. “What if we make it a game?” 

“A game?” 

“Yeah, we both go in and separate, looking for a book we think the other will enjoy. We’ll meet back up at the cafe and read our books and then we’ll determine the winner.” 

“Hmmm…” Satan holds a finger to his chin in thought. “And what does the winner win, exactly?” 

You can tell you've interested him. Now, you just have to reel him in. You mirror his thinking posture, finger-to-chin and everything. “Hmmm… Maybe whatever the winner wants, the loser will have to give to them?” 

“Oh, MC, that sounds dangerous.” You catch a glimpse of something in his eyes as he smiles — maybe it's a warning?  

You shrug nonchalantly. “I like a little danger.” 

He bares his teeth in a wide grin. “May the best demon win, then.” 

“Hey!” You shout after him as he winks and heads off into the store proper. 

Oh, it's on. 

Now, this bookstore is fairly large for being squished between two apartment buildings. It’s longer than it is wide and two stories, with most of the first floor dedicated to the café and spaces for lounging. The bookshelves on this floor house the newly published books. The second floor loft is a labyrinth of bookcases — covered wall to wall in books of all genres — with a dedicated children’s section in the back. 

You think you saw Satan head upstairs, so you try your luck with the new books first. How do you pick a book for the demon who’s read everything? Well, you can start with books that have just come out. 

You pass some new history books, but what good would that be when you are almost as old as time? New memoirs and biographies? There’s only one human life of interest to Satan and you haven’t written a book (yet). 

You pick up a cookbook. That might be interesting. He likes to cook. But you don’t think you will win with a silly list of recipes, now matter how delicious they might be. 

You look at the art books and poetry books but knowing how fast he goes through books they might only hold his attention for a short time. You need something good. You pick up a book called Books Make A Home: Elegant Ideas for Storing and Displaying Books and crack a smile. He might take this as a dig at how messy his room is. As hilarious as that might be, you don’t think you would win with that selection. 

You finally look at new fiction. A thriller or mystery is more his speed anyway. But none of the covers or descriptions catch your attention. Maybe you should throw a curveball and get a romantic comedy? You pick one up that boasts a plot about the son of Lucifer trying to stop the apocalypse with a human woman and of course, they fall in love along the way. You quickly put it back and shudder at how Satan might react if you presented him with this book for your competition. 

Time to switch tactics. Maybe you should go with a book that you have read before but haven’t shared with him yet? With no luck down stairs, you make your way to the second floor, still no sign of Satan. Good, you don't want him to see you empty handed with how long you have been here already. 

You snake your way through the aisles, waiting for a book you recognize — or anything really — to jump out at you, catch your attention, and say, “This one right here will make Satan eat his words and admit defeat!” 

You find yourself in the young adult section. It's near the back where the children's section is but it's still separated by a half-wall; an appropriate place, right between being a kid and an adult.  

Ah yes, your teen angst days. You remember them well. You think about how Satan, in a way, has been going through his “teen angst” days for longer than you’ve even been alive. You wonder if he has ever read any of these kinds of books, or if he considers himself above that kind of thing, or maybe he’s “too old” for them. 

You scan the shelves and your eye catches a title on one of the higher shelves. It's a beautiful but impractical arrangement of the shelves. They’re so tall that you would need to call a worker with a ladder to get to some. The one you spot, however, is juuust out of reach that you think you can get if you use the lower shelf as a step. You reach for it on your tippy toes but it barely brushes your fingers. You adjust again and try to reach— when a larger hand with green nail polish easily reaches for the very same book you were trying to grab. 

You quickly turn and lose your balance, forgetting you stepped up onto the shelf to reach as far as you did. You surrender to gravity’s whims, but those same well-manicured hands grab you and steady you by the waist. 

“MC-!” You end up being slightly dipped in Satan’s arms. He searches your face for any pain or discomfort but is quickly reassured when you burst out in laughter. Once he knows for certain you are alright, he steadies you back on your feet and picks up the book that started this, as it lay forgotten on the floor. He stares quizzically at the cartoon devil gracing the front cover before you snatch it from his hands and hold it behind your back. 

“You weren’t supposed to see that yet.” 

“Is that the book you chose for me?” There’s humor in his voice, he sounds almost incredulous. 

“MAYBE.” You huff. “I haven’t made a commitment yet. I was still looking when you snuck up behind me!” 

He smirks at you, not falling for your frantic deflection. “You looked like you could use a hand.” 

“I’m certain I could have figured it out on my own.” You’re indignant and you're not sure why. Maybe because he was laughing at the book? You turn your back to him and look at the book you picked again. Was it silly to give him a kid’s book? “This book meant a lot to me when I first read it. It’s about a demon from hell getting a taste of human life. I learned a lot about life and myself from reading it, actually.” 

If you were looking at Satan, you would see his face soften at the confession. He tilts his head to the side and rests his hand lightly on your shoulder. When you turn to look at him, he snakes his hand down your arm to hold your hand. 

“I’m sorry.” He takes a step closer to you and brings your hand to his lips. “If you picked it out for me, I'm sure I'll enjoy it.” 

You feel your face bloom with heat from the unexpectedly sweet gesture. He gives you a teasing smile when you still don’t say anything. 

You look down, away from his almost smug expression, and focus on his hands. They’re empty. You look back up at him. 

“Did you not find one yet?” 

His expression doesn’t falter. “I left it at the register so we could pay together. I also got a few other things that interested me from downstairs.” 

“Let’s get going then.” You grab his hand tight and pull him along. 

You make your purchases downstairs and get something from the café. As you come back with both of your orders — one latte complete with kitty foam latte art and one caramel black milk tea — you find Satan sitting on a loveseat, reading the book you got him. 

“You’ve already started??” You put the drinks down on the coffee table in front of you and nearly trip over the bag of your books to get to his side quicker.

“Careful, MC,” he grabs your arm to steady you on the couch. “How else are we going to determine who won?” 

“No fair, you got a head start! And you know I don’t read as fast as you, Sa- Stan.” You catch yourself before you say his real name. You don’t think anyone’s paying attention — or really cares — but sometimes you get funny looks from strangers when you say that name in public. Satan cringes at the “nickname”. It bothers him to no end when you use it and that always tickles you. 

“Well, MC,” he says pointedly, reaching for something in the bag of books. “That's why I chose something that was reasonable in length.” 

The book he presents you is still easily over 100 pages in length but, compared to the other books he has recommended to you, this one actually is quite reasonable. You hold the book in your hands and consider it. You don’t have anywhere else to be. And this place stays open pretty late. You shrug, plop down next to Satan, and get to reading. 

Hours pass and Satan easily gets thru the book you gave him and several others he picked up for himself. He even got up once to buy another one after he went through his whole stack. All while you’ve been engrossed in the read Satan picked out for you. 

Line after line, page after page, chapter after chapter, you devour the book like it was made for you. If you didn't know any better, you would say it was enchanted, or that Satan did some funny business to the pages to make you keep reading — without stopping — until the very end. But you do know better, and you know that this book is just that good. 

It's really late now but you don’t care. You’re loving every minute of this. 

Until you get to the end. 

You stare at those last few words at the bottom of the page. Your mind is racing. In your haste to get to the end, you skimmed and skimmed paragraph after paragraph to find those words you were desperate to see. You couldn’t believe it. That can’t be how it ends. You don't know how long you stare at those cruel letters but you definitely aren't reading them anymore. 

You frantically flip to the beginning of the chapter and read through it again. Maybe you just missed something? Maybe it will be different this time. You hardly register the tears in your eyes before they blur your vision completely and you can no longer continue reading. 

You shut the book and study the front cover through your tears. So innocuous. Who knew this damn book would break your heart so thoroughly? Your grief quickly transforms into rage, directed not at the characters, or even the author — but at the damned demon that recommended the book to you in the first place, who was thoroughly enjoying all your precious reactions while sitting calmly next to you. 

You stand up and turn to him, without lifting your head. You look at the front cover one last time before you raise the book high in the air and throw it back to Satan as hard as you can. You’re not worried about hurting him — his reflexes are so fast, you’re sure he’ll be able to catch it. Besides, there are very few materials in all three realms that can cause serious harm to a demon — a paperback is not one of them. 

Unsurprisingly, he catches it before it makes contact with his face. “Did you enjoy it?” 

You look up in time to catch that smug grin plastered across his face.

“What… the FUCK?” 

You take a step towards him, fists balled with rage at your sides. You’re getting ready to square up when he says, “We’re in public, dear. You don’t want to make a scene, do you?” 

Despite his words, you can see in his eyes that he would really love for you to make a scene. You don’t want to give him the satisfaction but he’s already eating up your barely contained wrath. His easy smile never leaves his face, as if this was just one big joke to him. 

That’s it. 

You lunge for him, hands going straight for his neck. He catches those, too, of course, but with his hands occupied, he cant stop you from slamming your knee down on the cushion between his legs. Just a warning. That wipes the grin clean off his face. In fact, he looks almost impressed. He closes his legs around your knee to keep it from moving any closer. 

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” Even though your no match for his strength, that doesn’t stop you from trying to get him — to what end, you aren’t sure. Do you actually want to hurt him or are you trying to release your frustrations in a very unproductive manner? These are the thoughts you would be having if your mind wasn’t blank with rage. “It can’t end like that. It fucking CAN’T!”

And the object of your frustrations is loving every minute of this. You’re sure he’s humoring you when you get awfully close to reaching his neck. “Careful, darling. If you don’t calm down, I might transform and then we’ll both be in trouble.” You can see that warning from earlier in the night flash again in his eyes, like he wants to get in trouble with you. The vibrant green is almost glowing like fire. 

“How could you do that to me?!” You continue to struggle in his grasp. “How did you know how to hurt me so perfectly?” 

You start to smell sulfur before you finally slump against him, absolutely spent. The burst of rage and the time of night have finally caught up you, the smell of sulfur fading with your energy. He releases your hands and they fall uselessly to his chest. You lay your head there, too. 

“That was so fucked up.” You feel Satan’s chest rumble with a noise of agreement as he wraps his arms around you and rests his chin on the top of your head. You take a deep breath and let it out shakily, tears still flowing and staining his sweater. 

“Did you like it?” 

You let out a high-pitched, “Mmmhmmm”, not trusting your voice won’t crack if you try to speak again. Satan rubs your back. 

You take another deep breath and say, “It was so good but so… sad at the end.” He holds you tighter. 

“I know. If you don’t like how it ends, we can always write our own ending.” You lift your head from his chest and look at him. It's the same thing you suggested to him when he read that book that made him cry. You smile sadly at the memory. Looking into his eyes now, you find the hidden sadness, beneath the hot anger, beneath the cool mask that he wears. His eyes search your own. You wonder what he finds in them. 

Finally, you say, “It’s the sad that makes it good.” He nods in agreement. You wrap your arms around him and bury your face in his neck. He laughs. 

“I’m normal, I swear,” you say. “Can we just stay like this a little while longer?” 

“I wouldn’t dream of leaving for anything in all three realms.” 

And you two are at peace. 

Before the confused barista at the coffee bar comes over and says, “We’re gonna be closing in 10, so could y'all…?” 

You shoot up immediately and wipe whatever tear stains from your face that remain. “Oh my gosh, we’re so sorry!” 

You extricate yourself from Satan and pull him off the loveseat you were lounging on. You gather your things as Satan scowls at the poor barista. “It’s so late, I have to get home to my little boy.” 

Satan looks back at you and smiles, knowing exactly who you’re talking about. 

You scoot out the door, the bell above the door jingling one last time tonight, and make your way back to your apartment.

Once you are outside on the sidewalk, you slip your arm through his and say, “So, what did you think of the book I gave you?”

“It was… an interesting depiction of demons. I liked it, though it did feel a little preachy toward the end.” 

“Soooo,” Your hand finds his and you entwine your fingers together. “Who won?” 

“Well, let’s see, considering I didn’t cry and try to hurt you over how emotional I got over your book…”

“Alright, I get it, you don’t have to rub it in.” 

Satan chuckles. “Winner gets whatever they want, remember?”

“Oh, I remember.” Embarrassment floods your system and your cheeks feel warm. Why did you say that? Why did you think you would win? Hopefully, he’ll ask for something easy for you to give him.

“Don’t worry, MC.” Satan laughs again. “I got everything I wanted already.” He brings your entwined hands to his mouth and kisses your hand softly. You rest your head against his upper arm and play with his fingers with both of your hands.

“I saw you read a lot of other books in there. Any good ones?” 

He proceeds to tell you all about the other books he got today, some were “absolute drivel” and others were “not too bad, actually”. But your favorite one was when he talked about a book about storing and displaying his books that will be “quite useful at home”. 

You smiled to yourself.

You know your demons so well. 

[animelosers]

HATE THE PLAYER- HEESEUNG X READER

[Chapter 1]

----

The loud squeaking of the bed next to my room makes me grab my headphones and put them on, rolling my eyes as I do so. The moans and whimpers get louder from the girl as groaning escapes his mouth. I sit up and grab my phone that sits at the end of my bed to blast music into my ears.

“I thought we agreed that we would give each other a heads up at least,” I whisper to myself as I fall back to sleep.

The next morning I hear Heeseung walking into my room which makes me open my eyes.

“Hey cutie,” Heeseung says with a smirk as he looks through my nightstand glancing at me a bit as I wake up.

I sigh before sitting up and rubbing my face. “What the hell are you doing?” I ask. He smiles as he grabs a box and shows it to me, “My plan B?! That is expensive!”

Heeseung leans in and kisses my forehead, “I will pay you back,” He says as he closes my nightstand. “She needs it.”

I simply just nod, understanding that one-night stands are something to be serious about especially with no protection.

I get out of bed and head to my bathroom as Heeseung walks out of my room and closes the door behind him. I look at myself in the mirror, hair messy, basketball shorts and a baggy shirt, eye bags showing. I smile at myself.

My phone goes off and the contact is “<3!” My eyes stare at the screen for a bit, letting it ring before answering.

“Yes, Jay?” says softly.

“Are you coming to the party tonight?” Jay asks. He always throws parties, the biggest ones too. College parties are a lot of drugs, alcohol, and sex. Like, what are you expecting from young adults who finally escaped from their childhood and teen years being controlled the whole time? As well as studying all week and once it hits Friday night, it's all over.

“When do I not go?” I say with a laugh as I start to undress myself.

“You have been getting more scandalous, I am surprised you haven't had a genuine relationship these past three years,” Jay teases yet admitting.

I scoff at his comments. “I simply am just living my life, especially since I'm single-”

“-Are you a player or a fuckgirl?” He cuts me off asking me an interesting question.

“Uhm..” I pause, thinking about it before taking off my panties. “... I think both? I don't care to be honest.”

Something about Jay is that he doesn't have any room to talk if he wants to act like he is either judging me or acting surprised. He is the reason why I am like this.

“Okay babe I'm going to shower,” I say quickly to get the conversation over with because I am standing naked in my cold bathroom.

“Okay, bye.” he hangs up before I could even say bye which causes me to roll my eyes.

After my shower, I am in a thong and an oversized shirt before walking out into the kitchen and seeing Heeseung eating food, on his phone.

“What are you wearing for Jay's party?” I question while I start gathering my food.

Heeseung and I have been friends since we were eight and now we are living together, in college. Girls and boys are all over him 24/7 and he loves all of it, understandably so. Then I am in the same boat as him, girls and boys are all over me as well. He and I are considered players or fuckboy/girls and either way, neither of us cares. We both do amazing in school and we are in important extracurricular activities. The weekends are our breaks, what do you expect? The other night was the first time Heeseung brought a girl over during the weekday. He and I have rules:

Only bring people over weekends, Sunday nights are allowed.

We help each other with protection in any scenario.

If one of us is in trouble and we are busy, we stop being busy and help the other.

Light touches between us have been a thing for 10+ years so it's not a big deal. 

No hooking up with each other.

Listen to each properly.

Respect each other's wishes.

“No shit,” He says with his mouth full of food making me roll my eyes as I sit at the table next to him.

“I was just asking,” He continues to shove his mouth with food. “Dude breathe-”

“Done!” He says proudly, shooting his arms up as I look at him disgusted by what he just did. “What?” He says as his arms go down slowly, my eyes scan him, he is wearing a black shirt and black sweats.

“You are such a boy,” I comment before drinking the rest of my water. “What are you wearing tonight?”

“Black tanktop with a short button up over and jeans like usual. It is easier to take off when I am in the room,”

“I get the apartment tonight because you brought someone over the week day,” I say immediately after. He groans then stays silent, you can easily read in his mind that he is thinking about what I said. He knows that he broke a rule. His punishment is me getting the apartment for the weekend nights.

He suddenly stops thinking and looks at me with a smirk before leaning into his chair. His cocky side is showing.

I tilt my head to the right a bit, curious about what is going through is chaotic mind. He is actions are predictable. His thoughts are the complete opposite. He motto is ‘Expect the unexpected.’ because that is the definition of him.

“Okay, what if I get you a new pen?” He asks me simply.

“. . . Go on,”

“I get you a new pen and you let me have someone-”

“No,” I cut him off immediately.

“Hear me out-”

“No. Heeseung.” I say sternly to him, “Why did you think that’d work?”

Heeseung and I are both stoners and alcoholics. It's terrible.

“Because your pen got stolen,” He says and leans forward on the table as I stand up, looking down at him, noticing his eyes scan my thighs before looking at me softly.

“Nice try, babe,” I say and walk to my room, feeling his eyes lingering on me making me simply ignore him.

[karatekels]

Discipline Training - Chapter 1

Hey everyone! I know I haven't posted something fun to read in awhile, and while I'm typing away at TIGmases 9 and 10 I figured I'd give you something to tide you over: MORE unfinished writing!

I'll be posting the first (and currently only) two chapters of my first-ever foray into writing for Terry Silver. Some of you may have followed the links to my Ao3, but I figured I could throw them up here as well. Who knows? Maybe I'll finish this one day!

---

Summary: Terry comes home early from a work trip and catches you touching yourself without his permission. He decides to punish train you in the third 'D': Discipline.

TW: Forced/guided masturbation, voyeurism, forced orgasms, consensual dom/sub

---

Discipline Training

Chapter 1: Caught in the Act

---

Stretching lazily, the cool silk sheets brushing pleasantly against your bare legs, you open your eyes sleepily, taking in the sunlight streaming in through the bedroom window. You turn over, facing the other side of the bed and smile to yourself, knowing that this would be the last morning that you would be waking up alone for quite awhile. Terry had been away for weeks now, scouting new locations of interest for Dynatox, but he would be home today. It was the longest that you had been apart since the two of you started your relationship months ago, and this was the first time he had gone on a business trip since he had invited – more like insisted – that you move into his mansion. While you were still a bit uncomfortable living in such an extravagant place with people waiting to serve you, this was finally starting to feel like home.

You resolve to get out of bed and get ready for the day, planning to head to the kitchen to request a romantic dinner to celebrate Terry’s return before heading into your walk-in closet to put together something special to wear. You know that Terry will be as desperate to get his hands on you as you are, especially after spending this much time apart, and knew he would appreciate one of the more risqué lingerie sets that you have picked out.

As you roll over to get out of bed, you see that the telephone above your nightstand is blinking at you. Confused as to who would have called while you were sleeping, you pick up the receiver and enter the code to access the voicemail.

*BEEP*

“Hey babe, it’s me. Listen, I know that you were expecting me home today, but I’ve got to stay in Vietnam a little longer. I’m sorry baby, and I hope you aren’t too disappointed. I can’t wait to see you when I get back – I love you.”

*BEEP*

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you hang up the receiver and flop back on the bed. Terry worked hard, yes, and you were so, so proud of him, but… you had been so looking forward to seeing him tonight. For weeks you had been counting down the days, putting up with stress at work and coming home to the empty Ennis House night after night. You’d been so good, following all of Terry’s rules. Thinking back to the day that he had asked you to move in with him, you blush as you think about what else he had asked of you that day…

***

You had only agreed to move in with him fifteen minutes ago, but he had already tasked Margaret with putting together a team of movers to get your things to his place by the end of the day. You were in a limo on your way over to his mansion – soon to be your home, you think to yourself with a giddy feeling – and Terry is practically bouncing with glee in the seat next to you, his large frame radiating happiness. You smile up at him, adoring how open he was being, and he catches your eye and gives you a lopsided grin before he suddenly stops, looking down at you with a serious expression.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” you ask, still not completely used to how quickly Terry’s emotions shifted. He reaches one hand behind his head, giving his dark ponytail a tug, a nervous, self-conscious habit of his that he did around those he was comfortable with.

“I… I wanted to ask you something else today, babe, but it’s a little out there, and I don’t want to pressure you or anything,” he begins, and it’s so strange to see him looking this vulnerable. You reach out and put a hand on his, smiling up at him warmly.

“Ask me, Terry. We’re going to be living together, you should be able to talk to me about anything!”

“Well, that’s the thing, Y/N. You moving in with me feels like I’m really making you mine, y’know? And I kind of want to take that to the next level…” he trails off, and his mercurial moods continue as he looks into your eyes now with incredibly intense lust. You find yourself reflexively leaning into him and licking your lips, utterly hypnotized by this man.

“What do you mean, love?” you ask, your voice coming out husky despite yourself.

“What I mean,” he continues, leaning over to whisper in your ear, “is that I want to own everything, Y/N. You’re going to live with me, and I want to take care of you in every way, give you the best of everything. I’m going to do everything in my power to make you feel good, and I want it to be only me that makes you feel that way,” his tongue curls around the shell of your ear, making you shudder against him. “I want to own your body, Y/N, your pleasure. Every orgasm you have will be because I tell you to come. Let me have you, baby. Let me have all of you.”

Sweet fuck, this man was going to have you moaning his name through words alone. In the moment, you may have answered too quickly, but in the months that followed you never found yourself regretting your response.

“Yes, God yes, Terry. I’m all yours.”

***

And you had kept that promise the entire time that Terry had been gone, though it hadn’t exactly been easy. You and Terry both had rather voracious sexual appetites, and to go from having sex at least once a day to abstaining completely for weeks has had you going crazy, but you had done it for him. You bury your face in a pillow in frustration, noting that Terry’s scent still permeated the pillowcase regardless of how many times the housekeeper washed the sheets. Everything about Terry was completely intoxicating to you, and you feel your body relax despite yourself just from catching that whiff of his cologne.

Thinking about the last time you and Terry had been in this bed together, you bite your lip. You had waited almost a month, and been so good… and Terry would never know, right? You look around the room guiltily for a moment, before grinning a little to yourself. You deserved to feel good, and giving yourself just one orgasm would be just the thing to get over the disappointment of having to wait longer for Terry’s return. You quickly strip off your pyjamas and lay back on the bed, getting comfortable on the silk sheets. As you start massaging your breasts, your head falls back further on your pillow and your eyes flutter closed. You tweak one of your nipples firmly and your breath hitches as you try to imagine Terry touching you; ever since the first time he had touched you like this, nothing you did to yourself had been able to compare.

Remembering the feeling of Terry’s hands on you – firm, but gentle, and hinting at the strength he was capable of unleashing if he chose – you trail one of your hands down your stomach and past your abdomen to your pussy. Spreading your legs wide, your fingers immediately go to your clit, moving quickly in circles just as you liked. Just the thought of Terry fucking you has you so wet already and wanting to come desperately. You bite your lip, panting heavily now as you work to get yourself off. You feel your climax quickly approaching, but just as the blood starts to rush in your ears, you moan softly, and as you inhale again, you suddenly detect the taste of tobacco on your tongue. Terry?

 You stop touching yourself immediately and sit up, opening your eyes and looking over to the bedroom door, which has remained closed. You let out a breathy laugh mixed with a sigh of relief, feeling silly for being so paranoid.

“So, you thought you could break my rules and get away with it, huh?”

You yelp and jump up in a panic at the sound of the voice. You would know that deep tenor anywhere. Sure enough, Terry Silver is sitting on one of the small chairs from your walk-in closet, moved into the corner of the room. How had you not heard him?

Calming your breathing, you give him a shaky smile.

“Terry! You’re home today after all, I’m so glad to se-”

“Don’t. Even. Try it.” Terry growls lowly, his piercing eyes pinning you in place. While his face is intense and predatory, the rest of his body is perfectly at ease. He’s dressed in one of his perfectly tailored suits, his tie loose but not too casual, and he’s sat back with one leg crossed over the other, casually smoking a cigar.

“I’m sorry, Terry! I really tried not to – I haven’t touched myself at all until just now, and I just wanted to feel better because I was so disappointed that you weren’t going to be here…” You trail off, and, feeling incredibly exposed, you reach down to pull up the sheet to cover yourself, your eyes never leaving his face. But even with your eyes locked onto him, your senses are too slow to detect his movement as he lunges at you, yanking the sheet away from you and looming over you even as he sits up on the bed on his knees.

“How many times,” he begins, practically whispering as he exhales, the cigar smoke swirling around you both as if it was trapping you two together, “do I have to remind you of the three D’s, huh babe?” He grins wolfishly around the cigar, suggesting that he knows his words are silly and just daring you to laugh at them. You don’t, biting your tongue to keep yourself from making a sound.

“Desire. Devotion. Discipline. The first two you have, yeah, but discipline? It still seems like you’re struggling with that, even after all of our training. But I’m here for you, baby,” he croons, oh-so gentle, but you’re still captivated by his gaze. “Let me help you get some discipline.”

Quick as a flash, he’s lounging back in his chair, eyes flashing at you through the haze of smoke.

“Start again,” comes the command, and you find yourself able to move – and breathe – again as he gives you this bit of distance.

“W-what?” you ask, trying to keep the tremble out of your voice. He chuckles darkly.

“You can’t seem to keep yourself from getting off, so we’re going to teach you some discipline another way, baby. You’re going to play with that pretty pussy for me and not stop until I tell you to.” Your knees clench together reflexively. Sure, you and Terry were pretty kinky together, but this was something new altogether.

“Terry, baby, I’m not sure if I-” you start, but he cuts you off.

“I think three orgasms will be sufficient training for the day. Three orgasms for the 3 D’s, yeah?” he laughs briefly at his own joke, but his eyes are shining with intense lust. “Get to it, babe,” he reclines in the chair, looking completely at ease once more. “Put on a show for me.”

Mr. Oral Fixation over here...

---

Chapter 2

[Future Parts will be updated here if I ever finish this!]

[pespillo]

some more Acolyte! King stuff , ideas for the arc, scenes, whatever, stuff i came up while walking in the morning:

timeline wise in early S2 King would end up at The Owl House through shenanigans and is kept there for like a week, he hates it, he complains all the time, he doesnt run away because he doesnt trust anyone but Belos to get him (and he wholly believes Belos will be coming soon); very reluctantly theres a semblance to warming up to Luz and Eda, but before anything significant happens, Kikimora shows up to get him back to the castle, he is thrilled to finally being saved, but is really bitter about blowing up his cover as someone who Doesnt or cannot talk over the ocasional growl or bark.

On the way back King notices Kikimora is diverting to another direction on her dragon and asks what is she planning and where are they going, Kikimora reassures him that she doesnt plan anything but that they have to talk. While Kiki is obedient to the emperor´s coven, she was always loyal to the titan and had made an oath to serve King even over the Emperor´s word. She confesses that the Emperor never made a clear effort to search for him all this time until she offered herself to go.

King is obviously confused and trusts that Belos simply must have been making a grander plan that maybe she wasnt aware of, but Kikimora nonetheless tells him that theres something else, that Belos has been acting off for a while and that even with all that she knows (and she does hold information no one else knows, like the Day of Unity´s intent, that King is a titan, that Hunter is a grimwalker, knowing about the Collector) but she knows that its not Everything.

They both end up settling down in a far off forest and Kikimora shows that behind Belos back, she took something from his chambers that she has to give to King, but only if hes willing to take them, for she is risking her life for the titan ´s will.

King tells her that she must not hide anything from the son of the titan and that she is obliged to show him, and so she shows him she took King´s broken off halves of his horns, she doesnt know in what state King came when he first was taken in 10 yrs ago into the castle, so she wants to know from King, if he can remember anything from his youngest years, shes known the greater deal with the day of unity for a while, and she doesnt ask to be spared from it, but she hopes that King can recognize his greater place in the Isles and that maybe, theres even other nations willing to join in for a greater empire (it is in her interests after all, she wholly believes King could be a greater Emperor), but first and foremost, she wants King to know the truth.

King starts remembering upon touching the horns, freaking out at flashbacks of being taken as an egg, and then waking up in a strange place, full of people who smelled like titans, but they looked, off, but still took care of him as a baby, feeding him and leaving him to nest.

He remembers Belos mask, his eyes, staring at him intently, the glint of a golden mask beside him as well, voices, arguing, shaking hands by the end, the reflection of the moon, he remembers Belos wrapping his arms around his body and walking away into a boat;

Being sat down and given something that made him dizzy, the grinding of his horns being cut off, then warmth and arms squeezing him close to a body whenever he cried. From then on, thats just his life, to be taken care of, to be told of the divine mission his father left to Belos, the blood tests, the prodding and picking, and the promises of a better world once this one is left behind to die.

King is just left wondering; who were those people, why did Belos lie about being saved from being sacrificed as a baby? is there other people willing to honor the titans for real then? Is there hope for the Isles to not be a lost cause in his eyes if he tries searching for more answers?

Kiki tells him she can send an open letter to try finding who these people are, if she pulls some strings before the Day of Unity, she does this only for the dignity and honor of the Titan´s son.

[zanarkandfayth]

Writing Meme: First Line Patterns

Rules: List the first line of your last 10 (or however many you have) posted fics and see if there's a pattern!

Tagged by @ivorydice, thank you <3

I ignored the rules to make up my own lmao. Doing twelve fics I like a lot rather than the last ten, particularly because I'd like a wider time range to see how things have changed. The actual last ten would just be the first two and then all eight of the fics I did for fatherly love week in 2021 :/ Most of which were written in a very stress-filled, sleepless week right before the deadline haha. Going back to some of my earliest ffxv fics will be more interesting; curious to see how they all start because I know I usually try to make the opening line intriguing, but not always.

o1. "Chocobos! Noct, look at the sign, they have chocobos! Can we go see them?" || Ameliorate

o2. Ignis sighs as he puts his foot on the brake, resisting the strong temptation to close his eyes and bow his head against the steering wheel for a moment. || The Monsters Running Wild

o3. Ding! The noise of the first one cuts loudly through the quiet of his room, rousing him from a heavy slumber, but right now he's more asleep than awake, his eyes still closed. It's easy to ignore. || From That First Moment

o4. "Alright. Ready to not get your ass kicked today?" || Where They Should Be

o5. Noct hesitates, staring with dread at the panel of buttons before him. || Where It Matters Less

o6. The thick, metallic smell of blood is still lingering in Noct's nose when he wakes with a gasp, eyes flying open, wide and startled as he looks unseeing around him. || Everything

o7. "Hey, wanna go to the arcade today?" Prompto slings a friendly arm around Noct as he asks the question, a bright grin across his face as he waits hopefully for the answer. || Heavy is the Burden

o8. Insomnia is a mess. || Under Grey Skies

o9. Coming to this party was a mistake. || Six Ways from Sunday

1o. It starts happening the day Insomnia falls. || The Shadows Growing Tall

11. "I feel like my feet are going to fall off," Prompto whines as they all trudge back to the Regalia. || Dark Corners

12. The first time everyone thinks Prompto and Cor meet is when Prompto is sixteen. || What Lies Below

...so the only two I actually wish had better openings are monsters and heavy. which makes sense. monsters I just started writing at random because at that point it was supposed to be a one-shot and also never shared with anyone other than the bestie. so I didn't care where I started it.

heavy I, uh, stole the opening from nano/aftermath fic LOL. because nanofic was only a chapter and some change then, with a horrible idea I hated, and I thought I was never gonna come back to it so I might as well repurpose the few bits of it that were good. now I have a better idea and I'm actually writing it... but I still haven't changed the opening a whole lot. they're just gonna be similar forever. oh well.

but the rest feel like they either did a decent job at being an interesting hook or at least not being super boring or something. though I feel like I maybe had stronger hooks in my earlier fics, hmm. damn you brain fog.

oh, tagging... hhh I usually never tag people for these things because I am awkward and dunno who is okay with being tagged. so low-key no pressure ignore if you want mutual-tagging @quartzguts, @smallest-turtle, @breakfastteatime, @every-lemon, @elidelio, @thisfairytalegonebad, @tumbleloon, aaaaaand... whoever else is a writer that wants to do this.

[tgirlswagseraphina]

twenty five

The past two years i've done long blog posts for new years, and funnily enough it feels like i've got less to say this time. Thats what i often say before saying a lot, so, lets just see where it takes me.

On new years you can look back or forward. What happened this year? What will i do next year? Ill start with forward. Well I have a new drawing tablet, a new city, a place in university for the next 5 years, crap, that was just, on a small scale, looking back. Cuz you gotta look back to look forward, or rather, look present. What are my circumstances right now and how will i carry them forward? Right now, I've got those things to carry forward. A new place in the world, and an open path towards making art without my hands tied.

I've also got me. The best version of it. The me on 1/1/24 was a fucking shambles, but by god she didnt show it. Actually I think i was alright, the devestation didnt come til like week 2 of janurary. Either way, I've learned a lot in a luckily mostly controlled environment as to not hugely screw me over. This year was the benefits of learning from suffering, with the suffering being held at arm's (or modem's) length. Like setting off grenades on the other side of the room to build slow immunity to shrapnel. Except getting lightly exploded a bunch doesnt actually make you better at not getting hurt by them. Which to me is precisely why this metaphor works.

Anyway, whats fucked about me right now? I'm an addict and a procrastinator, and between the two it makes my life feel like it has 10 functional minutes per waking hour. A problem that I'll have to brute force. Not looking forward to having to get better (havent i done enough of that this year???) but i'm most definitley looking forward to the part at the end where i AM better.

What have I improved, now? My life is less one note, more social, I've refined my pallete of artistic interests, I've opened up more to the idea of Doing Things Right, to the level where I can keep my "unique perspective" or whatver when making stuff, while not being averse to efficiency. The best analogy I have is that I've been working on a comic for the past 4 years (wow 4 years wtf) and this whole time been limiting myself to a colour pallette of about 40. But recently I've dropped this limit cause I'm confident my stuff stands out enough that I don't need to put on arbitrary limitations that screw up my chance to make stuff readable, detailed, or fun as i want, in the name of making a "cool style".

Back on that first bit about being more social, and less one note: I feel like I live in the world now. Thats probably the biggest change for me. I'm not in some narrow slice of other peoples worlds and regress to the cave when I'm off-hours. I exist. Thats brilliant.

I am a human body. Take care of it (said to myself).

I can do whatever. I can take up stitching. I can take up photography. I can buy a hat or a dildo or a sandwich. I can draw a fucking red circle round my guitar. I am a human body. And you're all just livin' in it.

Last year I wrote a bunch of dates and how long its been since movies n games came out, which is like, one way to think about new years. 2023 is thirty years after mega man x? But I was reminded of how I spent a lot of new years evening categorising family and friend birth dates, their respective doctor who era, and what the latest episode at the time was (i was born three days after david tennant's 'doomsday' for those interested). It made me think: man. this autism brained media consumption and categorisation is easy to shun. But as long as I do it in conjuction with Humaning and Being Alive, its what I should do. Its what my mind likes and my soul calls to. Sometimes i just wanna watch telly, read wikis, and write brain-spreadsheets about it. It can be analytical and avoiding artistic engagement but screw that. I can artistically engage. I do it all the fucking time. Let my brain make a graph of release dates. Its who I am. That was a fun non sequiter tangent. But if you're me (which I am) you'll know it was pretty important to the whole thing.

Also i found out i was a system this year thats sure somethin huh.

All in all i feel really good about this year's blogpost. Now, I'll read the others, reminisse, look forward, then sleep. And leave the reading of this to all of you. Nighty night fellas, ladies, and the ppl who dont giv a fuck. Peace out.

o-<)/

<3

[pbandjesse]

I was so anxious about coming to camp today but honestly it's been a perfectly lovely day. Even if I was incredibly tired at times. It was a good time. The energy feels better. And that's really nice.

After I finish my post last night I would end up taking a second shower because I wanted to wash my hair. And I cleaned the frog tank a bit because the snails were outrageous. But it was a nice night and me and James went to sleep around 1:00. Should have gone to bed earlier but it's hard when you don't want to stop hanging out together. You don't want the next day to start yet.

I didn't sleep great. For one it wasn't enough sleep but for two I just keep waking up with all the anxiety and I'm going to miss my alarm clock. For no reason. And I would get up at 7:10 which was 20 minutes later than I had wanted but not because I missed my alarm. I just kept changing the alarm ending because I was so tired. I would get up and scream out loud and was just so unhappy to be awake. I would wash my face and get dressed but I was just miserably tired. James was very clearly not in a great place either.

They would help me collect my stuff and I had a brownie for breakfast that I would bring with me. James carried a box outside for me and said on the stoop while I was leaving. It was nice but I got to see their face right before I left. And it wasn't a bad drive to work I was just exhausted. I listen to a podcast and tried to stay positive.

The weather was beautiful today It was so nice and cool compared to the last few weeks. And I was just really comfortable which was great. When I got to camp I didn't have to clean up too much from people doing stuff this weekend thankfully. And I didn't need to do a ton of stuff to set up for the projects. Mostly I was just arranging the tables and making things nice and tidy. But I desperately desperately wanted to lay down.

It had been a struggle to keep my eyes open while I was driving to camp. I would finish setting up and then I laid in my hammock for the next hour. Until it was time for my first group.

And all of my groups were great today obviously. All the kids have been so nice so far this year. The teenage boy did absolutely clock me by asking me why all the adults are wearing platform Crocs now. And I'm like because they're comfortable. And the other teenage boy said eh and she's got spikes because she's punk rock! And I thought that was a very funny.

I was a little nervous because we were doing bead lizards and it is hard to learn how to do it. And I did give everyone the out that they did not have to make a bead lizard if they did not want to learn that skill they could make a bracelet instead or a necklace. But it was for sure one of those things and I'm like okay this is going to be tough but I successfully taught like a good portion of the kids how to make the lizards. I had pulled out some giant wooden beads so that I could explain how to put them through the string in an x pattern so that it pinches the way it needs to. And I was really proud of them the ones that were diligent and accomplished it. Some of them just were not interested and that's fine. As long as they're not being terribly disruptive I'm not going to ever force anyone to do anything. I'm just going to encourage.

I was a little frustrated by this one little boy who would not stop asking when the program was over. I was like it's an hour and you've been here for 5 minutes. And I'm like what are you waiting for? And he just wanted to swim. And I was like okay well you're going to have two programs before swim every day so I think you need to find some joy in the programs or you're going to have a miserable time. I totally understand wanting to only swim but it's cold right now and you won't enjoy it anyway. And he just kept like pouting and I'm like and whatever but you're going to have a bad time if you keep that attitude it's not serving you. He seemed better by the end of the hour. He had found that he liked the hammocks and he likes some of the toys. And I hope you enjoyed climbing tower which was their second program.

Second program did go a lot better for me though. More kids understood how to do the beads and I was very happy with them being able to complete it. They were also just good boys and I thought that their counselors were silly but you know whatever. It was a good morning.

Lunch was okay. The non-vegetarian version looked so sad. It was a very very pale chicken sandwich. Like one very sad chicken breast on a bun. The vegetarian version was at least breaded and I put mayo and tomato and lettuce on it and at least was interesting then. I did eat a little bit of my salad later in the day. I was kind of grazing all day rather than actually enjoying meals. Nothing really tasted like anything today I think I may be getting sick. But that's not acceptable. So I have to focus on not being sick. And eating is part of that.

I would go and enjoy my half hour break after I ate. They can't tried to show up 15 minutes early and I was like absolutely not go do something else. And I felt a little embarrassed but I have really have to set that boundary. You cannot be showing up 15 minutes early. It's just not going to happen. Go play Gaga. Go take them to the field. I don't care what you do but you can't do it here. And I know that that's probably annoying to some people but honestly I wouldn't make you come back 15 minutes early from your break so please don't make me come back from mine.

And they were till about it and they went to play a game. And would come back on time. They were day camp and both day camps would do very good. But I had day camp one today and take him one was hilariously little. Just so tiny. So I decided to not even attempt to make them do lizards and instead we talked about measuring and cutting string and then coming to pick your color beads and then they would bead a bracelet or a necklace. Annoyingly I had under judged how big their heads were for necklaces. So we did our best with that but most of them ended up with bracelets. And I think they did really good. And then they just played in the hammocks and held some animals and played the instruments and it was a good day.

My last couple of day was Denali. And those girls were so nice. I had essentially three small groups doing different things. I had a group of girls inside who were doing metal stamping and embroidery. I had girls outside making bracelets. And then I had some girls doing gimp which I have never understood how to do but zari their counselor did know how to do it so she was showing a few of them. They were becoming very frustrated but by the end they had at least started and they were doing a good job. It's always that starting block apparently is the hardest part.

I would also show some of the girls how to make the bead lizards as well. And I made one for Daisy, one of the new international counselors, and she made a big fuss about how cute it was. I made it pink with purple toes. And I am glad she liked it.

I was really excited to be done though because while I was really nervous about the new schedule and worried that there would be a bunch of changes, my schedule essentially stayed exactly the same and I'm so thrilled about that. But it is still very tough having five groups, or sometimes six or seven groups a day. Today was five and so I was done at 3:30 and that was excellent.

I would sit outside and eat some of my salad and Read my book for a while. Charlotte came in to borrow some string and she is making an embroidery of her and Kate's one cat that passed away on Friday. She actually had started the embroidery before the cat passed away and it was just serendipitous. He died super randomly and everyone is really upset about it. When me and James got the text yesterday me and Joe started crying in the car. I feel horrible for them I don't know what I would do if it was my cat. I would not be at work for one thing. I think I would be losing it. But I'm glad that Charlotte would come and sit with me for a while and tell me about him and I hope that her embroidery continues to go well. She did get blood on it and I thought it was funny that she came to me to ask how to get blood out of clothing. Baking soda, Tide pen, or whitening toothpaste all work fabulously.

Want Charlotte was done getting her string I would collect my stuff and head down to my cabin. I had brought some clothes that were clean and new towels. I forgot my laundry bag here so I didn't have as many new things to bring in but I have so many clothes here so it does not matter. And I would put that away and I went through all my box of clothes and refolded stuff and pick things out to bring home. I feel very overwhelmed by how many clothes I have just in general right now and Jess said she's going to come and help me go through everything soon. Not sure when that is because we're both so busy but I hope that we can find time.

I would end up laying down to watch a video and fell asleep for a half an hour. When I woke up at 5:40 I was so ridiculously dizzy. And I was like okay dinner is at 6:00 and it's pasta and I want to go even though I'm not particularly hungry. And so I forced myself to get up and I went to get my water and then I walked over to the dining hall and I was just so dizzy and I couldn't shake it off. Like the whole world felt like it was in out and out it was awful. And then when I got to the dining hall I found it it wasn't pasta it was meatloaf and I was not thrilled. But they had made me a vegetarian one and made a red sauce with no onions and so I was like oh thank you so much like it's going to be great. And I have never in my life spit food out so quickly. It tasted horrible. And I think it was not the food I think it was me. Because the roll and butter tasted bad too and everyone around me was saying how great everything was and I was like this is the worst thing I've ever put in my mouth. It tasted rancid and I am sure it was just me because I would throw it away almost immediately and drink water and then I went up to arts and crafts building to try to eat something else and everything I've put in my mouth has tasted off and wrong. And that makes me nervous because that is what happens when I get sick. I don't feel sick besides that. Now that the dizziness is worn off I feel fine. So I don't know why my sense of taste has gone all sideways.

I would spend the next couple hours of arts and crafts. I would stop at the office to say hello to everyone and tell them my weird food experience for the evening. And grab my big water bottle before I went to arts and crafts to lay my hammock and read my book. I realized I have forgotten my battery pack at home so I was like oh it's okay I got my charger but for some reason I also don't have that? So I had to steal the one I have in the car. And that's fine. Not a big deal. Just a little annoying. So I let my phone sit in the art building to charge while I finished my book. Girl interrupted was good. It wasn't as narratively linear as I was expecting based on the movie but I still enjoyed it. I really liked how it was laid out with the medical documents inside of it and also the relationship to Vermeer's paintings. I'm excited to start my next book tomorrow I guess?

Once I finish my book I would pack my backpack up with some snacks to bring down to the cabin to keep in the fridge. My yogurt and some of the chocolates and the caramel rice cakes. Just a couple things I have in here at night time and even for breakfast tomorrow. I also made a very silly little sandwich with a Hawaiian roll peanut butter and a piece of chocolate. Honestly not the best but I don't have any jelly right now. I'm working with what I got.

I just came back down here not too long ago. I been sitting outside riding my post while the sunset. I can hear all the kids that evening program and they should be finishing up soon and doing mail call before bed. CJ will probably be down in the next hour or so and I'm hoping that we can just get a very easy night's rest. I'm going to go change in my pajamas now. And maybe I'll put a video on in just relax and try to sleep earlier tonight.

Tomorrow should be a good day. Good kids good project. The weather should not be too bad. It's going to get warmer as the week goes on but I'm not that worried about it. I hope that you guys will have a great night tonight and I hope that tomorrow I can find more wine berries to eat because they're starting to pop up and I'm really excited about it. I've been walking around just popping as many berries as I can find. It's really early in the season for them still so a lot of them aren't ready but I'm very excited when I find ones that are. They are for sure my favorite fruit.

Sleep well my friends. Until tomorrow.