#an incredibly complex disorder or illness

[maespri]

(eye twitching, white-knuckling the bathroom sink after reading a tumblr post misinterpreting the actions of a fictional character) correlation does not equal causation correlation does not equal causation correlation does not equal cau

[fruitsofhell]

WE HAVE TO FUCKING NORMALIZE PEOPLE WITH PERSONALITY DISORDERS AAA (runs into oncoming traffic)

[juicedaloe]

Mithrun and brain damage

I'm not sure if anyone is interested in this, but I wanted to make a post talking about why I think that Mithrun has brain damage from a traumatic brain injury instead of him being a representation of other neurological disorders or mental illness. I'm not that involved in the dunmesh fandom so I don't know how common this headcanon is, though I've seen a few people mention it here and there.

This is just my own opinion so if you disagree then that's fine. Some of this is just speculation and I can't say what Kui's intentions were. This post isn't meant to be that serious. I just wanted to talk about it and hopefully inform about how brain damage can affect some people in a way that I hope is interesting and relevant.

This will be kind of long because I like to talk so it will be under the cut. Apologies for the length and how much I ramble. Feel free to give input especially if I got anything wrong or if this is too confusing.

Okay let's go

Traumatic brain injury (TBI) is incredibly complex. The long-term effects of a TBI include a wide array of symptoms. Each injury is different, and some people can completely recover rather quickly while others can become permanently disabled, even for seemingly "minor" injuries. What I'll cover here isn't a definitive representation of the experiences of all those who have long-term effects from TBI, nor do I speak for everyone with brain damage.

Here are some long term symptoms relevant to this post:

Alexithymia (inability to process and name emotions)

Inability to process and name physical perceptions

Mood swings and emotional regulation difficulties

Communication difficulties

Social impairment

Apathy about caring for oneself

Lack of motivation

Alexithymia and inability to process physical perceptions

This one is rather obvious. While Mithrun is shown to feel emotions and have physical sensations (for instance, describing his location when he gets lost in the dungeon as "a cold place"), he is also apathetic to how this affects him. This means that his physical and emotional perceptions are reduced in some way. He says that becoming lord of the dungeon will leave someone "empty", showing he is aware of his dulled emotional state.

A good example of this is can be seen here in a bonus comic where he doesn't give much of a reaction to burning his mouth on hot food.

(I love these two a lot, by the way. Pattadol is really under appreciated.)

He is also not able to recognize bodily signals, such as hunger or when he is tired. Despite collapsing from exhaustion and not eating for long periods of time, he still insists he is not tired or hungry.

Mood swings

Mood swings in combination with alexithymia can be an especially disorientating experience. Those who struggle to perceive their own emotions can still feel them even if they don't know how to recognize it.

Individuals with brain injuries often experience drastic mood swings, particularly anger. To those around them, they can appear to go from 0 to 100 in an instant.

This is more speculation/headcanon on my part, as the strongest emotion Mithrun has for most of his appearances is anger. However one could interpret this as being unrelated as he is seeking revenge for a traumatic experience.

Communication difficulties and social impairment

Not only can naming personal experiences be incredibly difficult with a brain injury, but other areas of communication are often affected as well.

Mithrun is not able to set boundaries for himself even if someone is doing something he would not actually want them to do, which can leave him in a vulnerable position.

People with brain injuries can sometimes have a paradoxical experience when it comes to communicating with others. They can go from being very quiet to speaking at length about one topic, seemingly without regard for the importance of each bit of information. (I see it like Newton's first law of motion. It is hard to start speaking and it can be just as hard to stop.)

I really like this aspect of Mithrun's characterization. Usually, he is very quiet because he has no reason to speak. However, once he starts talking he is shown to be overly specific and goes on for long periods of time. Kabru has to spend multiple days figuring out his story.

In a side comic, Kabru tells Mithrun he should condense some of the personal details that Kabru finds irrelevant to the topic of the dungeon.

Mithrun shares many details about himself because his desire not to do so is gone. This mirrors the experience of many people who have brain damage to overshare and not understand how their words will come across to others. Sometimes they say or do things that are insensitive or inappropriate for the situation.

Caring for oneself and motivation

In the dungeon, Mithrun becomes reliant on others for self care. He also seems especially incapable of motivating himself to take care of his body when he is particularly focused on his goals.

In these panels, thus far he had been fairly receptive of Kabru trying to take care of him. However, he could sense that the demon was close and was too focused on that to care to eat.

Refusal of care and treatment is often an effect of traumatic brain injury. This can be for seemingly no reason, even if the person knows that this will help them. Sometimes people will lie about receiving treatment or doing things to take care of themselves, either so they can avoid it or avoid having someone take care of them.

He knows that eating regularly and not pushing himself too much will help him - he's been told multiple times on-screen - but he still has to be continuously told by others to give him that motivation to take care of himself. He's very apathetic to his physical state, even if it seems his only desire is for revenge and he should be doing anything he can to achieve that.

Other things of note

I wasn't sure where to put this, but while Mithrun's sense of direction is speculated by Kabru to be left over from his time as lord of an ever-changing, confusing dungeon, having poor sense of direction in the way he does could also be indicative of brain injury as well.

While the dungeon is confusing and illogical, he is known to have a poor sense of direction and to get frequently lost by those around him, even trying to exit an entrance he just came through. He is shown to be very intelligent, but memory is greatly impacted by brain injuries which affects a person's sense of direction and location.

Something that really stands out to me about Mithrun is how much the things that help him are particularly helpful to those with brain damage. He is physically capable of performing tasks, but he needs an outside source to remind him and get him started. He relies entirely on routine, and when that regularity is taken away he shows extreme difficulty taking care of himself.

Sometimes, the care that some people need is simply someone else to encourage them or to tell them when to do things. The care that he needs is pretty consistent with a person with a brain injury who does not need a full time caretaker and would prefer to have some independence.

Also, healing magic is specified to not work with brain injury unless the person is killed and revived. Mithrun had not been revived after his injuries, so it is entirely possible for him to have sustained a TBI. I don't think this matters that much because one is still allowed to have headcanons even if there is a magical explanation or isn't really possible in canon, but I thought it was an interesting detail.

In conclusion

Because of all this I don't believe that his lack of self care is due solely to mental illness. While mental illnesses like depression or PTSD can cause a decline in self care, the reasons why the affected individual is avoidant of these tasks differs. These disorders can also cause cognitive difficulties and emotional regulation issues, but not to the same extent or in the same way that brain damage would. I think that he does have both depression and PTSD (both are common after a TBI) but those are not his only disabilities.

And on a personal note, I just think that having a character with brain damage is really cool. Most of the time I've seen it the characters are not given very much respect and they are treated as comic relief and a joke. Regardless of whether you agree with this post or not, it is still nice to see a character with a disability like this.

Thank you if you read all of this. I hope it was easy to understand and I did not ramble too much. I don't have anything else to say but I've been wanting to write this out for a while.

Okay bye

[trans-axolotl]

(Described in alt text)

“I found out that I was intersex several years before I became more disabled by my other chronic illnesses, so my intersex identity felt more relevant to my life at first. When I was first diagnosed in 2015, I had an incredibly hard time trying to discover any information about intersex community. It took a lot of research in archives of primary sources just to find out that intersex people did have a powerful history of activism.

Embracing my disabled identity was a parallel process in so many ways. As a wheelchair user, it’s really important for me to define my own disabled identity outside of the medical system or ableist ideas from an inaccessible society. For me, one of the most important parts of my disabled identity is the powerful community we build to fight for justice. In both the intersex and the disabled communities, we get really good at caring for each other. When you're part of a community that's been excluded from accessing knowledge about your body, your health, and your needs, it’s meaningful when we can redistribute power from medical authority back into the hands of intersex and disabled people.

Even though there are many similarities and solidarity between the intersex and disabled communities, sometimes I still feel complicated about whether I want to consider my intersex variation a disability. “In an environment with so much pathologization through Disorders of Sex Development language, it can feel difficult to publicly talk about our intersex variations as disabilities. [Like many intersex people, I have felt] like we have to be the representative of every intersex person ever, rather than having the space to exist with a lot of complexities. For a while, I wondered if I would be betraying intersex activism if I also acknowledged the fact that part of the reason I was losing my mobility was because of my intersex variation.”

In an intersex and disabled future, I want us to have space to celebrate all parts of ourselves without feeling like we have to hide. Not only do we exist, we’re out here existing joyfully, and I want our intersex and disabled futures to reflect the power of our liberation. By Elliott L.”

-7 Disabled Intersex People Explain How They Embrace Their Identities, Teen Vogue, Courtney Felle

[dark-audit]

Things I wish more writers understood about PTSD

Traumatic events don't always lead to PTSD. Two people can experience the exact same traumatic event, and one can go to work the next day shaken up but otherwise alright, while the other still has trouble functioning normally two years down the line. This is a fact that's been studied to death in psychology, but we're still no closer to figuring out why this discrepancy exists. So no, that character who experienced a very traumatic event and wasn't traumatized to your liking wasn't actually 'unrealistic'; they just didn't live up to your preconception of how trauma is supposed to effect people.

There is no flaw or 'weakness' in a person's temprament or personality construction that will make them more likely to develop PTSD, and likewise, people who don't develop PTSD are not inherently 'tougher'. PTSD is not the kind of illness you can blame on the person who suffers from it; human beings are more complicated than that. Furthermore, people who don't develop PTSD from a traumatic event exist, in fact they're very common, and while they don't develop that precise, largely arbitrary set of symptoms, they are still likely to be deeply affected by the event/s. Their experiences are no less real than those of their counterparts.

Sometimes, a person who experienced a traumatic even didn't develop PTSD afterwards - because they already had it. There are lots of people who go into therapy following a traumatic event only to discover they've been experiencing the symptoms of PTSD for years, following a previous unrelated traumatic event. This is especially common for people who had C-PTSD beforehand. Since PTSD can often manifest in very subtle ways, and since people are likely to 'mask' symptoms as a way to keep judgement or prying at bay, this scenario is not particularly uncommon.

PTSD doesn't always develop immediately following the traumatic event. PTSD can take any amount of time to develop. For most people, it takes around 3 months for symptoms to appear, but for a lot of people, the symptoms of PTSD do not appear for many months, even years after the event/s. This usually has something to do with the memory issues that can arise after trauma, and also might be affected by how a person conceptualizes the 'threat level' over time.

People with PTSD are not 'broken'; people with PTSD can be treated. Human beings aren't inanimate objects; we're living beings, graced with this incredible ability to adapt, grow and change. While there is no 'cure' for PTSD, there are loads of types of psychotherapy and medications that help to alleviate symptoms, and many people with this disorder are able to live fulfilling lives despite the diagnosis. Recovery is never out of the question, no matter how severe a person's symptoms might be. PTSD or not, I for one have yet to encounter anyone I would ever consider irrevocably 'broken'.

People with PTSD don't all experience the same symptoms. I feel like it needs to be said, because there is a bit of a 'type' in fiction, isn't there? And this can be incredibly disheartening to read for someone whose PTSD doesn't align with the way it is constantly shown to 'normally' manifest. In reality, PTSD is a very complex disorder, which might express itself in a wide breadth of different ways, and people handle their symptoms using a wide breadth of different methods. You'd be hard pressed to find two people who are completely alike in this regard.

Perpetrators of violence are just as likely to develop PTSD as their victims. This is one of those things I learned though my torture research escapades, and I've found it applies to other violent crimes as well, such as violent assault and murder. It's not a particularly nice fact to know if you want to maintain your straightforward good-vs-evil worldview, but alas, the real world is grim and complicated. There is actually a name for this type of PTSD, and it is Participation-Induced Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PI-PTSD), or perpetrator trauma. PTSD does not discriminate, and you're not safe from it just because you're not on the recieving end.

People with PTSD aren't automatically more violent. I don't know why this myth has to be so prominent with every single mental illness ever, but like, yeah, its not true for this one either.

[shoyosoneandonlywife]

INCOMING RANT

Yoshida shoyo should be treated as 1 whole man rather than 2 distinct characters.

(with manga panels and light analysis)

I will be exploring multiple personality disorder to a certain extent and the pivotal role it plays on his character as well as in gintama.

when I see people treating this man like he's twins or just legitimately viewing this man as two different people as if it is the right interpretation genuinely gets me tweaking so I need to put forward the facts of my case your honour😭😭😭

RANT BELOW:

I have to get this off my chest, Utsuro and Shoyo are two different PERSONALITIES, not two different men. Up until now, about like 50% of the fandom treat him as if he's two whole separate beings which is completely WRONG AND DUMB. He has multiple personality disorder, which is the reason why he started a whole ass school for free, but also somehow wanted to destroy the world. Why? Because he's mentally deranged, are you with me?

And these are the same people, the ones that see him as two different characters, sometimes ship these two personalities together, even that is not that important but what's more pressing is that ive seen them end up condoning the problematic ships in the fandom, like you just got to ship him with someone and they end up shipping him with his students from Shoka Sonjuku.💀

I'm including all of his disciples from oboro all the way to nobume, he has played parental figure for all of them.

Even though he may have disappeared for around a decade or a lil more, and then returned after they've all grown into adults, it doesn't change the fact that he played a crucial role in raising and influencing the ways they view the world as a parent would.

I'm emphasising on this because ive seen mostly oboro and gintoki as the victims, just because oboro may be a little near to a decade older than the rest of his shoka sonjuku juniors does not mean he was way more mature

Oboro was as young as gintoki when he had met shoyo and had since been learning from shoyo as his teacher/parent.

(oboro is technically blood related to him too since he had shared his blood the moment he saw oboro was dying so that amounts to accepting oboro as his son to me🤷🏽‍♀️ I said the truth didnt I)

Further emphasis on the fact that it was canonically discussed that Utsuro is a grandpa even to incredibly old geezers and he sees them as youngsters, so his shoka sonjuku disciples are technically fetuses to him😭😭😭

This is a man that cannot be shipped with anyone that's just the type of character that he is. I'm not even biased if you look at it from a general perspective you have no choice but to agree.

This particular idea/headcanon or whatever the fuck you wanna call, is a very common conception and dulls HIS(SINGULAR) character to a large extent. Seeing him as the character that he truly is, a mentally ill man that has a profound amount of knowledge, yet is unable to heal himself would make someone appreciate gintama even more, for its habit to cover many topics that are diverse in it.

A man who is torn WITHIN HIMSELF WE ARE SEEING IT THROUGHOUT GINTAMA AND IT GETS KNOCKED INTO OUR HEADS ALL OF THE TIME. And I promise you his character will appear to be much more dynamic, amazing and explosive I guarantee it.

I'm being so honest when I say that seeing him as an individual who's, like, not okay in the head, and how he went about handling these issues, is a much more fun and interesting perspective as well, in my opinion.

But I think a lot of people can't wrap their head around the fact that he has multiple personality disorder. I've seen a lot of people say, "oh, he's a bad character, his character doesn't make sense, especially when he comes back as a villain." However it's understandable since Multiple personality disorder is a very complex and tricky issue to understand

To the theories that Utsuro's plot and actions don't make sense, YES it doesn't make sense, and it doesn't make sense because he's unpredictable. Why? Because he's not okay psychologically and psychological imbalance can lead to irrational decisions(to put it in a summary)

Multiple personality disorder is one of the disorders that's considered like the apex of instability because the person themselves do not have control over it, due to how affected the person has been. And MPD IS ALSO UNPREDICTABLE ASH.

(Shoyo did claim he was planning to run away for a while to Oboro but a man that's been running this organisation for centuries suddenly taking this decision in a span of a few short years can contribute to this MPD)

Even the characters in the show couldn't tell what he was gonna do at all until the end(at least up till the finale). They couldn't tell what he was gonna do. Why? Because he's unstable and, the distinct contrast between the era where he was their Sensei to becoming the destroyer of the universe is like a slap to the face.

He's not okay in any sort of way, actually, which is why he's more traumatized than the average human could ever be. So it makes sense that he's very unpredictable and his actions don't make sense.

His whole character is actually a genius, sorachi was cooking when he introduced him because there are so many underlying facts that stem out to many aspects surrounding human suffering all the way till the cycle of life that intertwine with his character

AND so much intricacies to the way his character is shaped, which is considered complex. THAT is the reason why he's underrated and half of the time people call him a bad character/two different people because they have zero media literacy and they won't accept anything else beyond what they already know

(for example the variety and different ways psychological repression can be expressed)

I just know the reason he is not as famous or talked about often like aizen, sukuna, johan etc is because of his complications and so many many many aspects to his character that needs more research and more observation to be understood. The perplexity in this aspect of his contributes to him being overshadowed and underrated.

These mentioned characters are amazing villains in and of themselves but what makes utsuro specifically stand apart is his absurd backstory and the disorder that he had developed due to said past lives. It's not common for us to see villains with multiple personality disorder is it?

Hence my reason as to why people should probably take more time to understand his character, scratch that if you just watched it with an open mind at first I think you'll get his character's purpose and actions fast enough.

The same applies for gintama as a whole, the best way to watch it is with an open and empty mind, especially so that you won't miss the nuances and other areas that build gintama's characters.

In this case Shoyo requires us to really observe his actions and be able to understand why he is taking such drastic and contradictory measures no matter what he does.

It's just that Sorachi never really bothers to tell it to our faces or really jumbles it up here and there and we're left to pick up the puzzle pieces😭

E.g. The finale where it was only confirmed in an interview that it was takasugi reborn and it has other metaphors in it as well or smth😭

Shoyo's backstory and trauma leading which ultimately lead to the state of his psychological state:

When some people are like, "yeah, yeah, it's just two different characters". It takes away a really important aspect of his character. Believe me or not, his mental illness plays a really important role in the major events of Gintama.

That's due to the fact that THIS IS THE SAME MAN, THE ONE AND ONLY ONE, that raised the main characters and antagonists of the show, but also was the one who committed mass genocide, wanted to destroy the universe, etc. Why? Because of his multiple personality disorder.(STAY WITH ME)

And why did this MPD come about? Because of his extreme suffering and trauma, And to cope with that, he got MPD. So when people are like, "yeah, it's just two different people". You're missing an extremely vital part to his character,

and putting up a wall from understanding the various intricacies to his characterization including when you treat this mentioned miserable man like he's split into half and somehow is a pair of twins now like be fr w me💀

(it is much less entertaining than how his character is actually portrayed and it ruins his character, it dumbs down the unique qualities of him and lumps him in with the rest of some mediocre villains in shonen manga.)

(It somehow also dims the fun and variety of gintama and majorly makes shoyo ooc, like I said, seeing his character the way he has been given is without a doubt the one and only best way to view him and it's much more fulfilling)

Sorachi himself has joked about how this one man's confusing character can be mistaken as two different people due to their contrasting traits, but as explained in this panel as well,

in any media actually a character with MPD is often treated as if the person is two separate entities for a more easier understanding and mostly comic relief (in this instance as well in the 3-z segment). However it is still enforced that these oddly contrasting sides came from one singular brain, it is already enforced in the very same sentence of this dialogue in the panel shown above as well.

Sorachi already summarizes up his whole characters misconception in that dialogue for you 😭 Bro really wrapped it all up with an abrupt bang

it's just one singular man, who has multiple personality, or in this case just two personalities warring with each other that leads to the self sabotage hes doing rn in this panel😭😭😭

it is One man who has split his mind into many segments which have manifested to become two polar opposites of his mind, yet both are HIS thoughts,emotions and ideals.

To help provide an easier understanding,

The average human has many voices running in their minds, and are always contradicting one another like there are different personas living in our heads, however it is to a controlled level and we are able to distinguish these to a certain extent when making decisions and taking actions.

Multiple personality disorder stems from that same phenomena of the brain but multiplied by many many more folds due to psychological trauma, PTSD, and repression of emotions as a method to cope with said trauma

✯Yoshida shoyo is without a doubt an S tier character and villain as well

Hmmm not to be political or anything😭, but you're really undervaluing and undermining the issues of someone who's extremely mentally ill and deranged😟, and the fact such individuals need professional help to overcome their trauma and recover.

But then you're just twisting this problem into your own superficial convenience at the expense of an incredibly full-fledged character and a unique characterization. I truly think some media which has been as long-standing and entertaining as gintama should be appreciated at a straightforward and honest level.

Especially when the topic touches on mental health and trauma, trauma recovery. Gintama covers a lot of other topics like LGBTQ, beauty standards, Social outcasting, etc as well and I don't see us talking too much about it.

However I also think sorachi himself also could have dealt with the topics more extensively instead of glossing over in some places, still, this is mostly a comedy manga and is for shits and giggles, so I can't really expect a thorough run through of every topic covered. This can also be seen when he has many side characters that are loved but we still did not get enough screentime of time.

E.g. Katsura, Sakamoto, Nobume etc

Open your eyes and process the information you're receiving please🙄. Blatant disregard of the trauma here can come off as inconsiderate and insensitive, you're just treating him as two whole different people, like he's possessed or something, your honour.🤨

(Very derogatory to people affected by MPD by rejecting their inner turmoil as just another human being coming from them out of nowhere instead of addressing the complexities of the human brain that are still yet to be uncovered)

This isn't the 16th century where mental illness is treated like you've got a ghost in you or you've secretly been replaced by a clone.

This is NOT a yuji and Sukuna situation. Hes just one man, one soul, one mind, that mind is just broken into many pieces(personalities), because of his extreme suffering.

So please understand that okay just appreciate the mentally ill men representation smfh. I LOVE BROKEN TRAUMATISED MEN REPRESENTATION PLEASE

***IMPORTANT NOTE

TO CLARIFY multiple personality comes under dissociative disorders, considering how his life was, his mind coping with his trauma using this method makes the most sense

Of course trauma can cause many disorders like schizophrenia and what not, but this kind of like the apex of it

Makes sense given the amount of unimaginable horrors he has been put through. Therefore to put it simply he's completely torn within himself, but its just one source NOT a whole new other identity/man coming outta nowhere

And that same persona is DEFINITELY NOT something that shoyo himself cannot understand, he VERY WELL knows himself and all his different identities

(As shown when he clearly has his memories with all of his shoka sonjuku disciples even when he became utsuro) -> e.g. uses his past personification and sayings to taunt gintoki during a fight

He is completely aware of his nature, its just out of his control because of all the overwhelming psychological trauma (this leading to the reason on why he switched back to utsuro after his execution)

NOTE: MY ANALYSIS POST ON WHY SHOYO IS A VIRGIN ALSO COVERS THIS TOPIC TO AN EXTENT IT CAN HELP GET A BETTER UNDERSTANDING THATS ALL BYE BYE GO CHECK IT OUT

[neon-vocalist]

how r u proendo but anti transplural ? /gq

endogenic systems and transplural systems are not the same. let’s have a quick vocab lesson!

traumagenic plurality: a system that occurred because of trauma. does not have to be disordered. does not have to pass some “trauma threshold.” any amount of trauma is enough if it caused a system.

endogenic plurality: a normally non-CDD system that occurs for any reason that isn’t trauma or intentional creation. (CDD stands for complex dissociative disorder, so that’s stuff like DID, PDID, and OSDD).

willogenic plurality: a non-CDD system that occurs by intentional creation in good faith. see also practices like tulpamancy. there is nothing wrong with creating your own headmates or system if you feel that you want or need them, BUT there are some important things to consider…

1. are you claiming to have given yourself DID, UDD, P-DID, or OSDD? are you claiming to be “transDID” or something similar? if so… stop it!

2. are you claiming to want to “traumatise yourself” or seeking out trauma or abuse from others? are you claiming to be “transtrauma”? if so… stop it!

3. are you a radqueer? do you support things like transtrauma, MUDs, trans-disorders, transrace and transpecies? if so… stop it!

the main difference between “transplurals” and endogenic or willogenic plurality is that the label “transplural” is a radqueer thing. on the surface, sure, the processes are the same— wanting to voluntarily get headmates. but it indicates that maybe you believe in some other, much more offensive shit, and romanticise trauma and mental illness.

also, the way of getting the headmates tends to be different. willogenic plurals use genuine, non-harmful methods, while “transplurals” have typically tried to go for like. intentionally getting abused. or they just straight up fake DID without having anything at all. don’t even get me started on trans-DID and the people who try to transition to disorders.

endogenic plurality doesn’t even mean the host wants or seeks out the alters. it just means they’re there for non-trauma reasons. some people consider willogenic to be under the endogenic umbrella though.

this is all very intricate and complicated and nuanced and i’m probably doing a bad job of explaining it but TLDR endogenic plurality is involuntary and inoffensive, while “transplurals” romanticise everything, step on everyone’s toes, give the transgender community a terrible reputation, and typically carry other incredibly offensive beliefs.

thanks!

[crowgvts]

sorry to get controversial on main but aside from the fact the statement "ed's are inherently fatphobic" is untrue because the ways in which they can develop and the reasons behind it are so incredibly complex (eg. there are literal genetic factors) the other major reason you're all fuckin wrong is because:

Binge eating disorder is an eating disorder

PICA is an eating disorder

ARFID is an eating disorder

Orthorexia is an eating disorder

Rumination disorder is an eating disorder

OSFED is an eating disorder

massive, sweeping statements like that not only show that you have no real idea of how this shit works, it also shows how little of a fuck you actually give about people who, may I remind you, have one of the deadliest mental illnesses.

mental health problems are more complex than the watered down shit you learnt about them in health class or whatever

[misty-metropolis]

From this post (link) by rayssyscourse. Two questions for general discussion:

Does your experience of plurality feel inherently disordered, independent of whether you have a CDD?

How do you think about personhood and identity, individually and/or collectively?

Myr answers under the cut.

Myr Experience of Plurality

For anyone who doesn't follow my blog, I am a purely dissociative system with a complex dissociative disorder. I have no other origins. My experience is inherently disordered. Even when it doesn't actively affect my functioning (when switches are easy, when there's communication, when wi're low dissociation) it's still fundamentally inextricable from disorder.

That's partially because of myr creation; wi were intentionally structured by an organization who reveled in myr suffering. Myr DID will always be directly linked to programming and torture. Myr DID is inseparable from the worst things that have ever happened to mus and the pain and anguish that they're still causing to this day. Flashbacks, panic attacks, and programs are myr everyday and wi can't escape them.

It's not all doom and gloom, though. Wi have done some pretty incredible work in the last couple of years, building trust, forging internal relationships, and integrating. Most of us are to a point where we feel grateful to the system and to our other parts for helping us survive so wi could eventually live a life that wi love and enjoy.

Personhood and Identity

For mus, these concepts are very fluid. At any given moment, there are at least 3-5 parts in the front, and they affect each other quite a lot. Wi have quite a few joint proxies for different combinations of parts who frequently front together, because they don't always know which of them is speaking.

Wi struggle with feeling unreal, and with feeling as though myr identity shifts in ways that can't always be explained by switches. Wi feel as though there are many versions of myrself, and they're all fabrications. Wi feel like there's no substance to myr actual identity, if wi have an identity at all underneath the mental illness and trauma. Identity is kind of a loaded word in myr system.

[bunnidid-reviews]

is it frowned upon to wish that one could dissociate or have an alter take over in moments that are awful and stressful? genuine question

Hmmm, this blog is really more intended on reviewing and sharing media about complex dissociative disorders, or could easily be related to CDDs. Certainly not an advice blog for this or anything else > < I think any more general questions about DID can be forwarded to @sundropglass (main blog) if at all, just to stay on topic here.

But since you asked, I may as well share my perspective a little bit. I urge you to read it all.

Of course it's something anyone would want. Shut off and let the stress be taken care of for someone else? go off to fairyland a bit? It's actually an extremely sophisticated way of functioning in the midst of trauma; tuck it away, get through the thing that you might otherwise feel like you're dying from.

But where does that stress go?

Say that you had a very stressful day. Maybe one thing after another kept going wrong. And all day, there was absolutely nothing you could do because you had to carry on with a smile on your face and act like everything's fine, while more dismays pile on top of you. Maybe on top of that, you end up having an argument with a loved one and now you have social anxiety and no sense of safety or relief.

This is not out of the norm. People live very stressful lives all the time. It builds up though, all that stress is piled into your immune system if you don't have any release.(Expressing emotions in a healthy manner) It comes out in the ways that maybe you get ill, or spend all day in the bathroom, or get a migraine. This is what we call the body keeping the score (a book I should read tbh). What the mind doesnt handle(dissociates from), the body will.

This is what people with CDDs regularly go through. Trauma = stress that's beyond your range of coping. Chronic trauma means chronic stress, just stored away in pockets upon pockets where its never dealt with until much later in life. This is why I don't think I know a single system who doesn't have some sort of chronic health issues. The initial trauma may not have killed them, but maybe the health issues that come from all this chronic stress might just finish the job.

This isn't even addressing what the disorder implies mentally.

Look up the symptoms of PTSD, look into personality disorders, attachment disorders, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation. Any trauma-based symptoms could come with a CDD, because there's nearly nothing special at all about DID or OSDD. They're not sectioned off 'incredible' disorders as much as media or people on the internet will imply. We are normal people who have been hurt. A lot.

We have this disorder because no one came to save us, so we had to turn to ourselves, sometimes at an extremely young age. There's no measuring the amount of hurt it takes for a young child to feel this alone.

Going off this ask alone, but because you wish you could dissociate to such the intensity as you're suggesting, tells me that you haven't actually. Daydreaming or spacing out is a very minor case of dissociation, but the level at which you're having alters would imply that you're hoping to dissociate much further than you actually think you want. Do you not want to recognize your own spouse, or be completely unable to be present in the best moments of your life? This doesn't shut off when you're happy again.

Say fine fine fine, yes yes yes to all of this, you could deal, because at least you'd be another person who would bear the responsibility for you.

I hate to tell you this, but that's not how alters work. They are, at the end of the day, still part of you. They don't magically whisk away all this stress they face, they'd still hold onto it, be strongly effected by it, and you're a lot more likely to have the same stress come back over and over again and go unprocessed because of the fragmentation involved.

If it's to ease off some of the responsibility of being yourself, then.. Well that's not what happens with DID either. Those of us with a CDD tend to feel overly responsible for everything around us, actually. It's not the escape you're hoping for.

In a short answer: Yes it is very believable to want this disorder, to want alters. That's understandable even!

But I'm also going to say this is frowned upon. There is a LOT more to these disorders than some spacing out and some cool characters. I hope you can understand a little more why this mentality is frowned upon; no one who has it actually wants it when it comes down to it

BUT i HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU ANON!! Please listen

It's okay to want to be someone else to get through the stress. It's even okay to turn off your brain and space out. These are natural human things. Just.. They don't have to be a disorder. There are some recommendations for coping that aren't hoping to have a CDD, but might suit you if you struggle with this:

Try to analyze your life and see what it is that's causing you so much stress that it makes you want to not exist in such a way. If you're in a bad environment that you can't change, there are still little things you can do to make it better for yourself

Are there things you CAN change? Maybe you can look into getting professional help or finding a new job, or even so much as regularly tidying up the space you're in

Look up coping mechinisms and grounding techniques

Take breaks and let yourself really unwind. Read a book or go outside and look at clouds or something until you feel calm. I promise this feels way better than dissociation

Fun Coping Tools That Feel Like What You Want Out Of Dee Eye Dee:

create a story in your head. If you come up with a world all your own to explore, it feels like having an inner world

Create original characters you can "be". By this I mean be imaginative like when we were all kids. >>Here's a really cool version of what adults can do if 'playing pretend' seems too childish for you<<

Have some staring out a window time. Just let your mind go for a bit

None of this has to be disordered to be helpful, and have nearly the same effect that you're hoping for.

If you are at a point where you want to not exist for suicidal reasons, I really urge you to get some help. There's always someone who wants you to be around, even if thats some time in the future.

[venranae]

Why is homelander so real in his mirror talk during herogasm like oh my god..

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYINGGGG 😭😭😭 like obviously he's the worst person you could come up with but also he has several severe mental illnesses so i feel like I am watching the worst parts of myself on screen sometimes. Like he clearly, CLEARLY has bpd and npd and more which makes his constant switch from being self degrading to having a god complex and his intense need for approval of people he doesn't even want to like + the unpredictable impulsive behaviour that he sometimes regrets later on and the voices talking to himself in his head (which feels like he has several personalities that he can't pick between) incredibly relatable. Also he constantly has one person he specifically seeks affection and attention from and ends up hurting them. This is the most untreated mental disorder mf ever and i fear thats what makes him so interesting to watch 😭

[actual-changeling]

Trauma and mental illness are interesting, complex topics that are challenging but also incredibly rewarding to explore and TLOU does it in a way that feels incredibly true to my own experiences. It's respectful, accurate, and they write it into the characters instead of slapping it onto them like a magnet before pulling it off again whenever they feel like it.

So if you take those characters and write your own stories and explore them your way, it should be a given to treat them and those experiences with the same respect that a) the writers have given them and b) mentally ill people in general deserve.

Apparently it is not, though, and that is a problem.

Ellie in particular has gone through several insanely traumatizing experiences that are horrible for anyone to experience, let alone a child, and those instances also happen to *real people*. If you take Ellie, a fictional character, and write about her trauma and abuse in general in a way that is fetishizing, offensive, inaccurate, or outright misery porn, actual people who went through those exact things will see it and they will feel like shit.

PTSD and other mental illnesses are not funny, they are not plot devices, they are not something you should write about lightly. There NEEDS to be a basic understanding of how those disorders function and how they affect a person, you cannot just write about Ellie's experiences with sexual assault and turn it into nothing but a disrespectful, warped portrayal of abuse.

Abuse of *any* kind should never just be a plot device to hurt a character with. Abuse is *not* funny, you should not *enjoy* writing about a character actively being traumatized. I enjoy writing angst because I love eliciting emotional reactions from people in a way that's consensual and safe, but I have never, not ONCE enjoyed hurting a character or writing about them being abused. I have first-hand experiences with how badly abuse can fuck you up, and I also know how horrible it makes you feel when those experiences are trivialized or fetishized.

If you do not feel confident that you can write about those topics in a respectful and accurate manner - don't. Do not write about it at all unless you know that someone who went through that exact thing can read it and not come out the other side feeling dehumanized and fetishized.

I am not saying this to be mean or insulting, I am speaking as both a trauma survivor and a fanfiction author about topics that are of personal importance to me. I have zero interest in participating in drama on tumblr of all places (or any website), so if my post makes you angry maybe just think about why you think it applies to you/angers you and leave me alone. I can and will block people without hesitation, this is my tumblr blog.

To those that DO write respectful portrayals: Thank you, I love you, keep doing what you are doing.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Do you have/Can you make positivity for systems w personality disorder(s)?

And also for systems on shizospectrum (I actually think that you already mafe one, but don't remember for sure)

-🌑👥✨

We have both of these already made, actually:

If there are any particular personality disorders or schizospec disorders you would like positivity for, let us know! We have made posts for many of these disorders in the past, and may have more specific posts we can link to you (and if not, we can always make a new one).

[rottenteeth]

most endos don’t claim to have a disorder fyi… also what about those with spiritual or religious plurality? even the dsm-v mentions specifically that spiritual plurality can and does exist, and that those who experience it are plural without having did or osdd. there are other cultures besides yours, you know, many with complex and sacred traditions…

- sincerely, a very exhausted did system who is tired of all the venomous, useless endo hate in the dissociative disorder tags

El oh el I am native American and actively participate in my culture and I am incredibly educated on religious and cultural experiences regarding the idea of plurality. However, I don't believe that those experiences are anywhere close to "endogenic" systems which claim to have alters and amnesia (or even no amnesia!) When alters in those forms are disordered INHERENTLY. Why would you have multiple alters if you didn't have some reason to have them? These religious "plural" experiences also aren't real forms of alters and are often self made and then the brain develops it into a more autonomous self but it isnt actually autonomous, if you have an entity within you that is autonomous and can control you and cause memory loss I'm sorry but you have trauma and are a disordered system. I also believe many religious experiences of hearing angles or your God taking over your body is often delusion from being indoctrinated (or even religious trauma leading to a God or angel being an alter). Though there are absolutely people who experience possession as a part of their culture but even then it should not always be taken at face value because often times its easy to use culture as a cover up for mental illness. someone experiences religious or cultural plurality they need to say that, not they they are "endogenic". Sure you can cope by having alters due to maladaptive day dreaming, bpd, bipolar and that experience is valid! But don't call them alters and don't call yourself a system. I'd also like to say that yes endos don't usually say that they have osddid but unfortunately they are too often seen trying to infiltrate communities or make each other feel bigger about "being a system without trauma". That is inherently harmful, anti recovery and it makes real systems feel fucking awful.

[duskcourse]

Our Syscourse Stances

We are filling this out based upon the popularized "Syscourse Code" and will be going in depth in our explanations of our opinions here.

👍💜📘🔺🔵🌖🟦🌲☀️🥧🐊🐞🐳

Question one - Do you believe in endogenic plurality

👍(Y)- Yes

We are pro-endo and have come to the very solidified conclusion that the experience of feeling there is more than one self cannot be limited to one disorder or even category of disorders. It is very clear to me that DID is not "alters disorder" though alternative identities is a major factor in the disorder the focus is on the dissociation and amnesia between these selves/identities. (Selves are a philosophical concept meanwhile "identity" in this sense refers to a psychological phenomenon)

Question two - Opinion on tulpas

💜(TNU) - Nuanced opinion / other

We are pro the practice of what is known as "tulpmancy" in the case that practitioners are willing to learn about the history of the term and understand the problems with how it originally came to be due to the racist history. I believe the modern practice is incredibly divorced from any semblance of what was the original Tibetan practice with "sprulpa". I am however not someone of said culture, thus I defer to them and by and large I have seen the idea that the term should be changed or moved away from.

Question three - Do you think endos just don't remember their trauma

📘(NETR) - People sometimes misunderstand their identity, it doesn't mean everyone is misunderstanding / not remembering.

When we were younger we thought our alters were spontaneous "tulpas" as we were still living in trauma we did not recognize and had excessively high amnesia. We were wrong about that part of our exploration and later amnesia came back and we forgot we were a system all together. This does not mean that all my peers when I was younger had lied about their systems or also were people with DID or OSDD-1.

Question four - Opinion on shared spaces

🔺 (YSP) - Supportive

Originally I thought there should still be specific spaces for DID/OSDD-1 but also as more time has gone by and I have been in so many spaces geared towards mentally ill people- it never goes well. No online spaces should be for just severely vulnerable people. Predators flock there in mass. Thus shared spaces, in my opinion, are best for the safety of all persons. Groups should be created in real life in the form of therapy groups however.

Question five - Do you think endogenic plurality is comparable to transX

🔵(TXA) - No, and I'm against transplural

I want to be clear this isn't us being against willogenic systems and people who engage in what was previously known as "tulpamancy" and now often is referred to as crafting thoughtforms (or the other term I am sadly blanking on). We are against the radqueer community due to extensive racism, sexism, transphobia, ableism, and abuse apologia. You are not transitioning in the way a trans person is. You are either plural or not. Working with spiritual or psychological practices isn't the same as transitioning in gender. Also I would argue whether or not you happened to be plural by chance or chose to do practices to become so the level of oppression you face is the same- unless it is disordered plurality in which you face systemic ableism as well.

Question six - Do you think you can have DID/OSDD/UDD without trauma

🌖(DTN) - Neutral

I do believe that current research shows all known and studied cases seem to tie back to some level of trauma mixed with other very important elements. However due to the way disorders are categorized in psychology as grouped symptoms and are not actually a true easily spotted one condition... it is very likely that it could be caused by other factors. DID is not one condition, it is a grouping of symptoms. We know all these various symptoms may theoretically occur without trauma. This means it's a very complex issue. However we also know through case studies that almost every case of these coinciding symptoms are predated by trauma.

Question seven - Do you think introjects from other cultures should be able to use that culture's names if they aren't bodily part of it (eg. Japanese introject using Japanese names, while in a white body)

🟦(CNNU) - Nuanced opinion / other

As a mixed white/native person who has never lived in Japan nor had community with Japanese people we believe it would be racist for us to use those names. However there are cases where people can take names from specific groups that on first glance may seem questionable. What matters is the connection to the actual cultures. If someone lives in a specific country, interacts with the cultures, and/or has family of said culture where in the names relate to those relationships it is okay.

Question eight - Opinion on researched self diagnosis

🌲(SDXY) - Supportive

Self diagnosis can be incredibly helpful for those who cannot at some point in time afford care. People who cannot get the care they need should at least have ways to try and find helpful mechanisms to cope. Knowing a disorder you may have can be helpful in order to look at advice and aid from others with the condition or from medical sources until a proper diagnosis and treatment can be had. It is also important you do not attach yourself too much to the self-diagnosis and allow room to accept if it turns out you are wrong and it is something else.

For example when we were younger we thought we might have had BPD aka borderline personality disorder. We have since learned we do not have that disorder and other issues of ours can explain our limited symptomology of BPD.

Question nine - Sysmed as a term

☀️(SMY) - I support it's usage

Sysmed is very useful shorthand for system medicalist and it works well to describe the anti-endo position of needing ton have a diagnosis to explain a form of self-identity that is atypical from the norm. As much as people get mad about it... there is similarities between transgender medicalism and system medicalism.

Question ten - Traumascum as a term

🥧(TSA) - I am against it

My understanding is the term was purposefully made to be shitty by a bait blog. However people at times have used it. It is disgusting and helps nobody.

Question eleven - Endogenic systems using the term 'system'

🐊(ESY) - Supportive

Not that deep- they're systems. System is a very common word.

Question twelve - Endogenic systems using the term 'alter'

🐞 (ESNU) - Nuanced opinion / other

If they're diagnosed with DID or OSDD-1 or medically recognized or have the symptoms aligning with either I believe it's more reasonable. However I do think it's good to have the term alter kept to just DID and OSDD-1 because I see the term as being used more so when expressing there are barriers that need to be worked through between headmates.

Question thirteen - Xeno-origins

🐳 (XEY) - Supportive

Have fun honestly. If labels for yourself help you express and understand your own identity and feel safe and happy then go for it. We like looking for things we can sorta identify with and honestly it can just be comforting as an idea of "wow others experience splits from this too" or similar.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

SARAH MCCAMMON, HOST:

Stephanie Foo grew up in California, the only child of immigrants who abused her for years and then abandoned her as a teenager. As an adult, Foo seemed to thrive. She graduated from college, landed a job at "This American Life," became an award-winning radio producer, was dating a lovely man, but she was also struggling. Years of trauma and violent abuse as a child had left her with a diagnosis - complex PTSD, a little-studied condition that Foo was determined to understand. The result is her new memoir, "What My Bones Know." And Stephanie Foo joins us now from New York City. Hello.

STEPHANIE FOO: Hi. Thank you so much for having me today.

MCCAMMON: I want to start with your diagnosis, because listeners have likely heard of post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. But how is complex PTSD different?

FOO: Right. So you can get traditional PTSD from a single traumatic event, like, say, you were hit by a car. Complex PTSD is kind of like if you were hit by that car every week for years. It manifested in my life as anxiety, as depression. The difference between PTSD and complex PTSD is that complex PTSD sort of has the potential to have a constant fear sort of churning underneath the surface. And I think it always had me on edge, hypervigilant, made it really hard for me to trust people - and to sort of bury that with intense workaholism, drinking a lot, partying a lot, that kind of thing.

MCCAMMON: Something you come back to a lot in your memoir is the idea of inherited trauma. So I'm wondering if you could talk about your parents' histories a little bit and your family's immigration from Malaysia and how that shaped your childhood.

FOO: I think my parents being recent immigrants gave them fewer resources in some ways. We didn't have access to a lot of family. And my parents, I think, were pretty alone and isolated in their ability to take care of me and in terms of having other people be able to take care of them and the mental illnesses that they suffered from. My parents came from lines of - where their parents had suffered immense traumas. My grandparents and my great-grandparents suffered through World War II. They suffered from the Malayan Emergency. My grandfather was imprisoned by the British during the Malayan Emergency for five years. And when he got out of prison, he lost all of his teeth somehow, and he never talked about it. You know, there were real consequences to that culturally, in terms of the way that they were raised, but even more so in their literal DNA.

MCCAMMON: Yeah, that was one thing that really struck me. I mean, you did some research into how trauma literally can change our genes and how that gets passed down. I mean, what did you learn about how that works?

FOO: Well, there's a couple of really fascinating studies about how our genes can change by what we endure. There's one really famous one where scientists exposed rats to the smell of cherry blossoms and then shocked them. And so these rats came to associate the smell of cherry blossoms with shocks, with fear. And their offspring and then their offspring would have panic responses every time they smelled cherry blossoms, even if they had never been shocked before. So what happens is the epigenome is sort of a layer on top of our DNA that kind of decides what genes get turned off and on. And experiencing trauma can change that epigenome.

MCCAMMON: I want to talk about your therapist, Dr. Ham. He is basically my favorite person in this book.

FOO: (Laughter).

MCCAMMON: How did you find him? And, in short, how did he help you?

FOO: I found him in a very radio producer-y (ph) way. I found him through listening to a podcast (laughter). He was talking about complex PTSD as, like, being the Incredible Hulk, right? Because the Incredible Hulk was actually abused as a kid. His father was an alcoholic, and now he had a hard time controlling his emotions when he was angry. He would sort of literally not be able to speak well, and he would just focus on surviving. And that is exactly what having complex PTSD is like. But the Hulk is not a villain. The Hulk is a hero. And so I needed to know more about that. And so I went to interview him, and he started interviewing me in the middle of me interviewing him. And eventually, he asked me if he could treat me, and I agreed.

MCCAMMON: And you approached this in a very radio producer-y way.

FOO: Yeah.

MCCAMMON: I mean, you have all of your tapes of your sessions with him, right?

FOO: Correct. And after we got done with a session, I would immediately go to the cafe downstairs, and I would upload all of my audio and transcribe it and put it in a Google doc, as you are very familiar with.

MCCAMMON: All too familiar.

FOO: And then we would edit it. And it was like we were editing my trauma out of the scripts. There was a point at which - after our actual first session, I saw, like, a whole page of me ranting about, like, my husband's job, which seemed completely out of left field. And I commented, what is going on here? Where am I? And he said, ah, you are dissociated because you are triggered. And I was like, what triggered me? Why am I dissociated? And I scrolled up. And right before that rant, I had talked about my mom holding a knife to my neck. And I turned off my emotions and my brain to access that, and I needed to disappear in some way to say that. And I got lost on the way. And so that was so helpful for me to just understand, with true journalistic objectivity, I guess, what was happening in my brain.

MCCAMMON: I'm really curious, though. You know, in writing this book and even now in talking about it, you have to go revisit a lot of those traumas again. You're talking about them right now. You're thinking about them. You're writing about them. I mean, how was that? How is that?

FOO: Yeah, dissociation, baby. That's what allows me to be talking to you and saying these things to you right now. And I think the other thing, too, is that I really did prioritize healing before I focused on writing. So writing itself was not the catharsis. Healing was the catharsis. It made me feel like I just wanted to share what I had learned. It was coming from a place of hope, and I wanted to write something that would help other people feel hopeful to. And I don't think that you ever totally heal from complex PTSD. It's sort of something that you carry with you all the time. But I feel like if the burden, the weight of complex PTSD, is like a pack on my back, then the process of healing has made me stronger. Does that mean, of course, that sometimes the pack gets really, really heavy and I need to sit down and take a break and cry a little bit and figure some new stuff out? Of course. Of course. That's what life is. But now I feel like I can hold the sadness and the anger and the joy all together.

MCCAMMON: Stephanie Foo's memoir is "What My Bones Know." Thank you so much for talking with us.

FOO: Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate this opportunity to shed some light on complex PTSD.

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